#this is why i drink

[songofsutarima]

Sober

You know…I like drinking,

But I’m not sure I like drunk.

Because then I’m stuck thinking

About the depths to which I’ve sunk.

All the insults I let loose from my lips.

Saying whatever to make sure a balance tips.

Mistruths spoken and stories just made up.

Maybe if I put the glass down I could trade up.

Maybe i could shine more clearly, like light through perfect glass

And maybe I’d stop stumbling and sounds over my lips could cleanly pass.

Because I hate what I’ve said in an inebriated state.

So I think I’ll chill for a minute; actually think straight.

I hate what I’ve decided to bet when I’m drowning

And it’s probably high time I stop fooling around and clowning.

Because 1-20 isn’t a funny number when I’m behind the wheel,

And the bottle we just bought already has a broken seal.

So instead of starting ignition by turning some keys,

Perhaps, instead of vodka, I’ll drink in the mountains, trees, and breeze.

I’m an anxious person, that can’t be denied,

And I thought that liquor could help me hide.

But anxiety becomes paranoia, which either spirals to angry or sad,

And I don’t like the paranoid person I am when I’m drunk and I’m mad.

Trust and loyalty mean nothing to a poison-drenched mind,

And though no evidence exists, I’ll make it up, then that I’ll find.

And I would like to have that all be avoided.

So I think my future alcohol purchases can be voided.

Laying down with clean blood and a clear brain

Feels better, even if I have the small sadness ache and pain.

I close my eyes and smile because I was able to keep

Sober for a day, and can be sent to restful sleep.

But….who is standing in the corner of my room…?

Seven feet tall and over me this shadow of darkness does loom.

Just staring, unmoving, as I happen to be,

Since this paralysis demon is here for me.

I kinda forgot that he shows up when I have sober dreams

And he has friends to make sure we are on uneven teams.

Now that I see, I remember, why I was drinking.

Because I can’t move right now? Except for my blinking.

I can’t control my breathing, I can’t move my arms.

I can’t scream, and I can’t protect myself from harm.

Internally screeching, begging this devil to leave me alone,

Feeling icy tendrils dig into my flesh and start breaking my bones.

Then I blink and he’s gone and I can finally move.

I remember now what pushed me to what others disapprove.

I swear I tried to put up a good fight, but my attempt is over.

If I have to see him every night, I can’t go back to being sober.

#poetry #rhyme poetry #poems on tumblr #poem #poems #this is why I drink #kinda

[narcan-necromancer]

Just accidentally sent a picture with the nude side of my dakimakura to my grandpa.

#kira falls apart #life of kira #this is why i drink #i was just trying to send a picture of my cat/son/Ventus

[malka-lisitsa]

I AM BULLIED RELENTLESSLY. ELENA THINKS SHE HAS IT BAD?

#the one and only...sort of: ooc #do you see this? #all I do is love and love and give and give #and its THROWN IN A BLENDER #MY LOVE IS NAUGHT BUT COMPOST #THIS IS WHY I DRINK

[hobohobgoblim]

Taking a sick day because I'm exhausted and burnt out and spent 8 hours on the edge of a full blown panic attack yesterday and now I'm in my nice quiet house, alone for once, and I can't relax because I have too many things that I *have* to do.

#ugh fml #this is why i drink #burn out #le tired #i shouldnt be able to hear my bones right?

[givemetherapyimawritingtravesty]

Took out my hearing aid because I've heard enough.

Ain't nothing like getting dead named by students who are supposed to be calling you BY YOUR LAST NAME.

#and i e talked to this child about it seceral times #no but seriously #i did take out the hearing aid #im just so done #mentally done #trying my best not to break down at my desk #this is why i drink #cw alcohol #hearing aids

[sea-dukes-assistant]

You’re probably good at estimating d*ck sizes. How many do u think is a 6’7 guy that’s pretty ripped (not scrawny)

#this is why I drink

[lilislegacy]

imagine being someone at new rome university and not knowing percy is the same guy as “percy jackson, son of poseidon, two-time hero of olympus, former praetor” because the thought doesn’t even cross your mind. like… he’s percy. he’s a total frat boy. on a normal night, he walks into a party, refers to everyone as bro or dude, socializes with every living (and not-living) person in the room, makes at least 50 sarcastic comments, plays 12 rounds of beer pong, drinks way too much, and then skates around campus on his skateboard yelling “I LOVE NEW YORK” (which makes no sense, because they’re in california) until someone calls his girlfriend to come get him.

and then one day there’s an attack, and frat boy percy is all of a sudden a fighting machine. he’s yelling battle cries alongside the praetors frank zhang and hazel levesque as they lead everyone into battle. (why is he with the praetors? and why…. why in the world do the praetors seem to be following his lead?) his sword slashes through armies of monsters faster than you’ve ever seen. he’s controlling the entire river surrounding the camp, creating huge waves as tall as skyscrapers that crash down all around him, wiping out monsters and causing mass destruction to his enemies’ ranks. the sky is suddenly dark above you, ice-cold water droplets are slashing through the air, and the wind is blowing so aggressively that it’s making it hard to stand up steadily. because he’s somehow created a hurricane.

and he looks terrifying. you can feel the power radiating off of him. he’s like a god. or maybe a monster. it’s hard to tell. you’re a little scared of him, to be honest. but also in total awe, because it’s extraordinary. he’s extraordinary.

frat boy percy is not who you thought he was.

#but at least it makes sense why annabeth chase is dating him lol #I AM NOT SAYING PERCY IS A BIG DRINKER #if he even drinks at all #it’s just the frat boy concept #it’s just for the sake of the post #anyway #i love how fast his mood changes #he’s so terrifying #but in a cute way #frat boy percy #percy jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #trials of apollo #chalice of the gods #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo

[adobe-outdesign]

Neopets discourse is always funny to me because whenever drama starts up 90% of the time it's over something that's just objectively really silly

For example, right now there's neo-billionaires threatening to quit the site over a rare item being released, which wouldn't be funny except the item in question is a tiny pea wearing a Santa hat

#neopets #neotag #outdesign posts things #I love drinking the tears of billionaires on neopets or otherwise #if anyone is curious as to why this item used to be like 4 bil NP: it's because it's one of the most powerful battledome items out there #which is also objectively funny #greatest hits

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

[darcyolsson]

i could never be american because whenever I get a big drink I'm like oh great now I have to drink this big drink. i have to take care of this big drink they gave me. everything is terrible in the world

#this is why i never get drinks at fast food restaurants girl WHY is a small drink still 0.4L be normal #i feel so strongly about this. #personal

[squarecloud73]

*I worship you Tumblr please don’t remove it

Kabru is a freak and Laios should suffer

Ship or not, it’s so hilarious that Kabru is no less crazy than Laios. His passion is digging down everyone’s darkest secrets and family drama, his relaxing activities are flirting and gossiping with every homosapien with eligible language.

The reason why Laios was chill around him is because they were never close enough! Kabru is charming and cool if you only meet him twice a week at a bar, but look at how cautious and unnerved his close friends get when he starts blasting information nonstop.

“Can you see how scandalous that sleeve is?” “I heard she granted her the first name base!” “Laios look at the embroidery on that shirt, his business is definitely running as smoothly as I predicted!”

I want to see this Kabru around Laios, I want to see him decipher so many tiny body languages and unspoken rules of humans so happily that Laios can’t decide if he wants to chop his ears off or smack Kabru with a brick, I want to see Laios being forced into balls after balls and feeling the urge to drown himself in a barrel of wine just to end the conversations.

“But Laios gets anxious around people.” So does Kabru with monsters!??

Kabru’s freakiness deserves to be recognized, too! Let him be the insufferable bastard he’s born to be! Let him and Laios traumatize each other!

#like I don't get why people keep making it as if Kabru is the NORMAL ONE #HES SO NOT #‘omg Kabru poor meow meow’ this dude drinks tears of lovers for breakfast he’s freaking UNHINGED #dungeon meshi #kabru of utaya #laios touden #labru #kinda #SquareCloud

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Here’s how I want robin in the next battinson movie:

The very first scene is Bruce and tiny Dick Grayson sitting across from each other at the dining table, staring each other down in silence, both clearly grumpy about it. Alfred is in the background watching them with concern. The silence lasts about 20 seconds before Dick speaks.

“Let me fight crime.” (said with all the petulance of a pouty 10 year old)

Bruce replies immediately. “No.” (this is clearly an ongoing argument)

Immediately cut to the next scene where Dick, wearing the iconic Robin suit, is having the time of his life swinging across the city while Bruce frantically tries to keep up with him while yelling at him to be careful like an anxious mother

#just a whole movie of bruce being bullied by this small child he just adopted #being forced to take on a ‘if you’re going to drink then id rather you do it with me’ style of parenting #just back and forth between falling in love with his new son and going ‘why tf did I adopt a child?!’ #batman #robin #battinson #bruce wayne #dick grayson #dc #dc comics #mine

[candyje11yfish]

hanging after getting unbrainwashed🎉

#mari's art #splatoon #i have never drawn a proper background in my life #howd i do. #also dont ask why this looks so different from the Wip ok i went through a lot #splatoon 2 #splatoon callie #splatoon art #splatoon fanart #splatoon marie #marie cuttlefish #callie cuttlefish #callie splatoon #marie splatoon #squid sisters splatoon #squid sisters #splatoon squid sisters #Agent 4 is also there trust🙏 they are uhhm getting their drink👍

[sleepis4theweak]

Baby April and Raph playing <3

When I was little, and we had first gotten our dog, it was recommended that we annoy him (so that when children inevitably yanked on an ear or something he didn't go for the throat). I IMMEDIATELY volunteered for the task, and would bother him constantly (mess with his ears, poke his teeth, etc).

This ^ is something we do as a byproduct of the training. I hook a finger around one of his teeth and he'd gently shake. It reminded me of Raph and April for some reason, so I drew it! :D

#I fr bullied my dog (gently) #also we weren't allowed to mess with him when he was eating or drinking or anything like that #and hes pretty good at letting us know when we are annoying him too much #He's kinda growly around kids- which I think is the main reason why we were supposed to annoy him #and hes a Dalmatian so kids are kinda constantly trying to pet him. #ANYWAYS IT WAS FUN #tmnt #rottmnt #blah blah blah #tmnt raphael #tmnt april #rottmnt raph #rottmnt april

[drbtinglecannon]

Pros of letting your cat sniff your food/drink

Makes them feel included

Their reaction might be funny

If it's safe for them to eat it's ok if they have a little lick lick it's fine, here, have some butter, my son. Yes, numnum

Cons of letting your cat sniff your food/drink

They might try it and then become a fiend for that food/drink every time you have it for the rest of forever

They might sneeze on it

#cats #my son chester loves to sniff your food/drink. almost always he just sniffy sniffs then leans back cuz he's not interested #but just now I let him sniff my chocolate milk and he sneezed into my cup then promptly walked away so. thanks chester #also part of why I stopped buying smartfood popcorn was cuz he would NOT leave me alone he was HANKERING for that white cheddar popcorn

[sea-dukes-assistant]

Denise wants ur D

The fuck is wrong with you?

#I am not a package please stop shipping me #this is why I drink