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motherofagony · 7 months

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A HEART FOR EATING // vol. 1

joel miller x f!reader

pairing: post outbreak!joel x f!reader setting: jackson, wy (think tlou pt. 2 minus the golfing) rating: mature, 18+, minors dni word count: 5.6k series summary: a vicious raider attack robs you of human connection and lights a fire of destruction in your life in jackson. joel's fixated on you, and your lives tangle. revenge becomes a needful thing. chapter summary: life goes on after raiders infiltrate a routine patrol. you're a shut-in, and jackson residents tiptoe around your trauma. joel found you after the accident, but you don't know what to make of it. content warnings + tags: age gap (we'll say 15-20 years), protective!joel, mentions of trauma (no s/a, i promise), blood, bodily injuries, death, shitty men, dissociation/triggers, alcohol, angst, sexual tension if you close one eye, the softest enemies to lovers you've ever seen vol. 1 // vol. 2 series playlist a/n: longtime listener, first time caller. yes, there will be smut — in due time. probably a slower burn than you're used to on tumblr dot com, but there will be porn galore, i promise. heavy on the hurt + comfort trope in this one. thank you for reading, i hope you enjoy.

“Get the fuck up!”

The boot connects with your side again, the rounded toe slamming into ribs you’re sure are already broken. You’re trying to play dead, but it doesn’t exactly work when yelps are being kicked out of you. Old Yeller, of all fucking things, comes to mind.

But you’re not sick, not infected. Just wrong time, wrong place.

Blood pools sticky under your head. Voices are filtering in like an untuned radio, gathering static and making you nauseous. Like it’s all one bad hangover or a lucid dream in a realm too far.

“Where are the others?”

Someone else asks the question that you’ve been concentrating on. The knob turns, clearing the radio fuzz just so. You strain to hear, but you don’t dare open your eyes.

“Dead. Not shit on ‘em that was worth stealin’. We gotta fuckin’ go — just leave her.”

A vague twang of Boston wraps around his words. You’d forgotten what it sounded like, how the rs get caught in the back of the tongue and dropped. How the voweled aws are spit at you, the shell of your ear growing numb against the icy concrete.

Yes, you think. Fucking leave me.

The raider that’s been torturing you for what feels like hours groans as if it’s an inconvenience, an interruption to something he was thoroughly enjoying. Whatever he would’ve done, continued doing, taunts the crevices of your mind. He digs through your bag one last time, and you don’t know what he’s looking for or if there would have been anything at all that would have satisfied him the first time.

You remember a sliver of skin where his sleeve had bunched, revealing a shitty coupling of star tattoos on his wrist. You can feel your icepick heartbeat behind your eyes, and you wonder if it was a dare over a few beers. A matching tattoo with a lover. The thought lifts you up and out of the crushing burden of pushing air into clenched lungs, only for a moment. It’s no name to grab hold of, but it’s an identifier if you can make it out alive.

He’d crept up behind you while you were clearing a warehouse that you swore you’d be fine doing by yourself, pushing the cold barrel of something painfully familiar into the back of your head. He was tall, unflinching, unworried, too practiced. He helped you slip the straps of your backpack off your shoulders but staggeringly violent and unkind. Feeling you up for weapons with a disgusting leisure. As if you’d be hiding something gun-sized in your small back pocket.

You’d heard panic and screams outside, and you already knew. Voices outnumbered your friends, and it was almost – almost – funny to think that Tommy said the three of you would be one too many for patrol.

So, when exactly two gunshots hit their targets, it only took you seconds to figure out the score.

Something significant cracked in you then. Started in your chest and splintered to your heart, head, down to the tips of your toes. There was no fighting back, and you were next.

Now — fractured ribs, a dislocated shoulder, bloodied face, broken wrist, and one concussion later, here you find yourself. The tall one has a thick mustache, something sinister and villainous that seems too stereotypical even for this. At some point there had been a shift, and what started as a robbery now felt like killing for sport.

“Fine. Think she’s dead anyway.”

He kicks you one more time for the cinematic pleasure of it all.

This time you don’t wince, don’t feel a jerk or twitch betray you. The muscle in your jaw is so tense, the teeth grinding so hard into one another that you expect to open your mouth to a cloud of dust.

An agony you’ve only ever seen in movies is wringing every cell dry. It’s seizing, unrelenting, almost an exorcism in the tensing and writhing of it all. But you keep it beneath the surface, barely clinging to the little control you have.

You try to count the footsteps that are finally retreating, to breathe around the blood in your nose both dried and fresh. It feels like measuring the closeness of thunder and lightning, some kind of correlation with the distance of a storm.

The group trails outside, and heavier footsteps of your stolen horses lead them away. Onto the next. Breath idles in your chest, and the clarity that you think will come when you finally unstick your eyelids doesn’t. Everything feels swollen, scorched, raw. Nerve endings clipped and lapped up by the unrelenting lick of wind. A scream climbs up your throat, but the pain isn’t worth the exhale. And you don’t want them to come back for round two.

You drag the dead weight of your limbs out to inspect what you know to be true, and it’s nothing but bloody snow angels and twisted, awkward angles of your friends. You can’t even look at them, turning your head and squeezing your swollen eyes shut when you check for pulses that aren’t there.

Snowflakes collect on your lashes and drip pink down your face.

—

Daylight wanes, languid and impatient. It’s been hours trying to retrace your steps back to Jackson, the blood loss slowing you to a stop every five dizzying minutes. Your feet trick you into standing, only for your knees to buckle and bring you down into the snow. Teetering on the cliff of willfully alive and mercifully dead. There isn’t pain anymore, not really, and you’re grateful for the numbing cold, but you can feel your body threatening to cave in on itself.

Tears don’t come as much as you beg for them, for any type of release that’ll ground you. Enough time has ticked by that someone has to notice an absence of three, but you can’t be sure that you’re even on the right path anymore to meet them in the middle.

When they find you, if they ever find you, at least they’ll know you tried.

There’s a comfort in that, a warmth that reaches out and grabs you and folds you in like a blanket. It’s safe here, it says. Just lie down for a minute. And you don’t fight it.

Someone’s calling your name now, and it’s a gentle tug back into consciousness. There are frantic hands on your face, delicate and urgent when they take inventory of your wounds. When they say death greets you, maybe it’s this.

But there’s a Texas drawl that’s murmuring you’re okay, I’ve got you and I know, I know it hurts and shouting instructions to someone else that’s lifting you up, up, up.

Your fingertips scrape a stubbled jaw when you’re pulled away. The light dims like a blown-out candle. And you’re falling, grasping at anything, everything, nothing.

You forget the rest.

—

Ten months pass, dripping into spring, then summer, and meeting autumn at its doorstep.

Everything has healed, down to the last scratch. That day feels hazy, and you’d assume it was a hallucination if not for the two friends that didn’t come back with you. The recovery was just as strange, trauma shielding you from the gory parts but not the guilt. Never the guilt.

Sometimes, you test the memory, prod at it, but nothing new comes to the surface. No recollection of who they were, where they were going, if they were anything more than nameless thieves. It’s probably better this way, but there’s no way of knowing if that’s true.

Fistfuls of flowers collected on your porch, and they seemed to appear out of thin air because no one ever came with them. Anonymous condolences that didn’t want to be seen, and it was an easy guess as to why. You heard rumors, retellings of what happened without much accuracy, but there was nothing to say to correct them. Some of them were angry, and you let them be. Call it penance, undeserved or not.

Ellie would visit occasionally, sometimes Tommy. You let her play guitar without saying a word, let him bring you books to keep you occupied. Everyone else dodged you, and you didn’t know if it was discomfort or because you were the only one left alive to blame. Probably both.

Since then, they’d kept you busy elsewhere. Projects that hadn’t been projects before suddenly popped up. More hands in the stables for getting horses ready for patrol. Planting vegetables and flowers for food and morale. Playing doctor when the patrols would come back with minor injuries from staving off infected. Being underfoot at the Tipsy Bison, picking up shifts when there was a movie night or some string-lit illuminated get-together.

Slinking into the shadows and being the ambient background noise in everyone else’s conversations.

You didn’t have the heart to tell them that you had the farthest thing from a green thumb, that you couldn’t bartend for shit, that the most nurse-like thing you’d ever done was slap a band-aid on a skinned knee.

An otherness that weighed so heavy you thought it would be better to crush you. Poison that bloomed in the belly of a tight-knit community that didn’t know what shelf to put you on. Who felt like collective trauma was part of the deal, and this was just yours.

But it softened the blow of your abrupt uselessness. You let it happen. Becoming competent was better than peeking out from drawn curtains. Better than sleeping with your eyes open, watching everyone around you move on while you couldn’t.

While nightmares claw their way up your chest at night and leave you in a cold sweat, flicking on every light that’ll burn to make sure you’re really, truly alone.

The roar of laughter snaps you out of the trance, breaks the eye contact you were making with your fireplace. You wonder absently if you’d tuned out the rest or if everyone had finally huddled together in front of the projector down the road for tonight’s showing of whatever DVD was looted during this week’s patrol. You didn’t usually mind — sometimes even joined when Ellie had enough of your sulking and all but kicked your door in — but tonight feels like an organized, cruel punishment.

You pry yourself from your couch, knocking over the stack of books on your way to the coat rack. Anaïs Nin pierces you with a glare, rotting where you left her. You slip each arm into a heavy coat, tucking one of the books into your bag with a lone cigarette as a makeshift bookmark. It’s cold as fuck tonight, but maybe you’ll linger a little longer after closing down the bar. Maybe you’ll wait until the crowd outside dies down to sneak back into your house, light another fire, and count down the hours until your shift at the stables.

Bartending tonight should be quiet, hopefully only encountering a few regulars that usually kept to themselves and tipped you for doing the same.

You steal one more warm moment before opening the door and stepping into the flinching cold, taking note of the way words stutter and lose traction when your face registers with the nearby crowd. There always seems to be a vacancy of pleasantries. And you don’t exactly invite them.

Tommy gives you a sympathetic look, tipping his chin up in a half-nod. Ellie lifts a few fingers in a wave, knowing you don’t want the pity but hate the suffocation of nothing at all. You will the corners of your mouth to quirk in a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes and force your legs into a normal pace, almost locking your knees so you don’t break into a run. The debt of an overdue visit with them burrows in your chest.

The Jaws theme song hums ominously, and you think it’s only fitting.

A few people litter the bar when you meet the cozy blanket of peanut-shelled air of the Tipsy Bison. A pool cue cracks against a ball and sends it clattering into a group of others, a low crackle of some country something crooning out of the jukebox. You shed your coat and your bag in the back, washing your hands under scorching water to shake some feeling back into your bones.

“Just a few tonight. Been slow – you’ll probably be out early. What’s playin’?”

You smile at the thick, syrupy Southern mama accent by your side. Cheryl is no-nonsense, usually slips you a little extra at the end of your shifts, and feigns ignorance of anything about the ugly parts of your past. All she cares about is that you’re eating. There is an undying gratitude for Cheryl.

“Ah. Jaws, I think.”

She seems to read your mind with a laugh, patting your shoulder affectionately like only a mother can.

“Maybe I’ll go join the sharks. Joel just got here, wants a whiskey ‘fore I head out. You know him,” Cheryl tuts, almost rolling her eyes but you know she likes the caretaker role if you’re any indication.

And you do. You do know him.

Joel keeps to himself almost as much as you do, maybe a little less when it comes to Ellie and Tommy. He’s sort of your catty-cornered neighbor, but not the sugar-asking kind. More like the kind that glances in your direction, holds your stare for a beat too long, and abruptly looks away before anything discernible can appear.

The closest you ever come to saying anything of substance to each other is when you ready his horse for patrols and intercept it when he’s back safe and sound. You try not to let him catch your gaze shifting to that shiny scar on his head, and you stifle down the question that’s none of your business.

Maybe he does the same for you.

And maybe he was there and saved you that day, but neither one of you has ever mentioned it since. You don’t know how, and there’s a brick wall around the subject that won’t let you. Enough time has passed that you figure he’d have said something if he gave a shit.

Yet, there’s a deep yearning for his approval, his attention. It’s a mystery even to you, when you think about how savagely indifferent you are to anyone else’s. But you think it’s the magnetism of having him as a witness. The way he could vindicate you and give you an alibi, a heroic complex, but he doesn’t.

So, the idea that he’s one of the patrons that you can count on one hand tonight… you can’t put a name to what it’s doing to you.

Cheryl makes sure that you’re okay, but she doesn’t linger. She packs up her things with haste, jogging through the cold to join her wife in front of the bonfire.

No one really pays you any mind as you start your closing duties early, and it’s doubtful that the seats will fill any more than they are as the party picks up outside.

Joel sits at the corner of the bar that faces you, and he’s down to a knuckle’s length of whiskey. If he were anyone else, you might wonder why he’s not at the bonfire — but it’s Joel. Social anythings are like a second plague to him.

The thought of having to refill his drink vibrates in the back of your mind, and lead fills your stomach. Small talk that you never quite have with him. It dissipates just as quickly, when you see the way he’s fixed on the sweat gathering on his glass instead of anything else, and when a gust of wind comes in as the door opens.

Max. Anxiety snaps in your rib cage like a rubber band. Something acrid hits the back of your throat and you think it might be blood the way your teeth connect with the soft tissue of your cheek.

Max had been a recurring character in your bed once. Before. It was never more than convenience, and the way you fucked wasn’t love, not even close. Liberating to think that you never neared the edge of feeling anything except his hand pressing your face into a pillow, performing orgasms that never came.

There’s no carcass of affection left, so devoid of emotion for him that it feels like a severed limb.

He’s all ego and athletic strength, sauntering up to the bar with a gait that reeks of hours of pregaming. There’s a permanent sneer when he addresses you, a coldness that has nothing to do with the weather.

“Tequila. Two doubles.”

He’s the type to twist the knife of your tragedy in even deeper, making sure to hit all vital organs. The first to question what more you could have done to save his friends, blaming you for leaving them there to die as if they weren’t dead the moment raiders showed up. As if you weren’t almost dead. Anything you’ve said in defense is inconceivable, an excuse, an admission of guilt. He mourns at your expense and often.

Jackson trudges forward, but Max forces you to stay in grief and remember.

“I think you’ve had your fill this week. Drank through your ration on Tuesday, remember?” you say coolly, but a twinge of fatigue colors your tone, giving you away. You aren’t in the mood, and Max finds it easy to light flame to your resolve as-is.

Maria spends hours of careful inventory, and there’s been more than one occasion where you’ve been instructed to cut off a greedy drunk. The vice, the urge to drink in an apocalypse doesn’t really align with the limited stock, unfortunately.

“Yeah, I don’t exactly see Maria around, do you?” A jeer at face value, but you decide in the beat of silence that follows that rule enforcement isn’t worth it tonight. “Sounds like you’ll think of something. And you fuckin’ owe me one, don’t you? Or would you prefer I collect on that another time?”

It’s not worth it. You’re dropping your glare, squaring your jaw, lining up two glasses so that the rims clink. But the way your skin prickles, there’s an unwelcome visitor in his stare, an x-ray vision that you wished Max didn’t have.

Somewhere down the bar, glass slams against wood and something you know to be amber-colored sloshes.

You try to steady the angry tremble that overcomes your hands as you upturn the liquor bottle. One-two-three-four. One-two-three-four.

He holds the ration card to you, taunting you by pulling back when you reach for it, only to smirk and flick it toward you, uncaring of where it lands. You shove it into the mouth of the register with the violence you wish you were brave enough for.

“You can leave now.”

“That so? Mouthy now that you have an audience?” Max gestures cruelly to the grand total of four patrons, five if you counted Johnny Cash.

It stings, but dully. You’ve heard worse – even if not to your face – and it’s all kind of anti-climatic if you considered the low-budget production they always try to make out of you. The words eventually all sound the same, nothing punches quite the way they intend. Still, your cheeks burn as if on cue, and —

“She told you to get the fuck out.”

A low timbre erupts, easily mistaken as pure venom. There’s a sway in the way your senses glitch and then still, and reality swirls at the edge of your periphery. Pool balls stop their roll, murmured chatter ceases, and even the fucking jukebox settles on an instrumental to lean in and listen.

You dare to look over at Joel, whose demeanor looks more akin to statuesque and threatening than his curved slouch when you first clocked in. He’s standing, flexing his fists so hard that you think they might shatter.

Max backs off but subtly – you can see the way his puffed chest deflates even though his glare doesn’t. He finishes off one tequila before backing up with the other dangling in his fingers, both hands turned palm-out in mock surrender.

A deep annoyance plucks at his brow, but he knows he’s flirting with a black eye.

Max flashes a middle finger, lets his grip relax after downing the glass in his hand, and it crashes to the floor with a wincing shatter. He’s gone before you can string together any curses, and would it have mattered anyway?

Then, there’s scattering, the bar flies wordlessly agreeing that anywhere is better than the awkwardness of being here. Cards thrown down, beers drained, and there’s an uneasiness with the way they shuffle outside towards the rest of the group. A dance around the broken glass that isn’t their problem. You pretend not to notice, though you try to hide the redness that stains your cheeks as you bring a dust pan over to the mess.

You feel eyes on you and, all too suddenly, you realize that Joel didn’t follow them.

“Careful. Here, lemme do that.”

He’s kneeling, taking the pan from you. Knuckles brush yours a little too long and electrify, zapping you. You mutter something like thanks and it’s too ungrateful, too tired. A woodsy scent fills your nose, and you’re hard-pressed not to lean into his collar and bookmark it.

Glass slips into the trash with a tinkling, shimmering sound. You’re already back behind the bar, hands busying with something else, tidying up the already-tidy. Letting him slip outside with the crowd, heavy with satisfaction that he came to your rescue yet again.

But he’s sat back down, watching you with an odd intensity. He’s never assessed you like this, at least not that you’ve seen. A different sort of undressing than what Max gives you. You meet his eyeline warily. Vulnerable, waiting for your predator’s jaw to unhinge and devour you whole.

“He always talk to you that way?”

A quiet, lethal question hangs in the air, so quiet that you could’ve chalked it up to your imagination. But evidenced by the white-knuckled grip Joel has on his glass, the measured way he brings it to his lips, it was real. Controlled, scary even. But real.

Your mouth opens to answer, then closes. You consider in a beat’s time how it would sound to laugh it off, then stop yourself. It would be too forced, too desperate of a sound to be convincing. You’ve never been the unfeeling, unaffected type.

It’s clear that he knows the answer, has probably seen it with his own eyes, but it’s like he wants a green light to set his sights on some other more sinister and deserving prey.

“Doesn’t matter. He’s been through a lot,” you say, half to yourself. It’s easier this way.

“Does matter. So’ve you,” Joel says, even quieter, like he’s trying to contain an angry edge that threatens to bleed out. The calm is almost worse. In a way, you wish he would loosen the leash on his rage. Or break something to satisfy the urge in you that wants to do the same – you’d give him permission to do that. This is too unreadable and ambiguous, too much room left for agonizing interpretation in how he grits his teeth and pulses that muscle in his taut jaw. You want to yell, let out what’s long pent-up. Yes! Yes, it does fucking matter!

But you don’t. You keep the rag tight on the lip of the pint glass in your hand, rotating it past the point of needing to be cleaned. The rub of the microfiber cloth makes you itch, and your teeth scrape again at the inside of your cheek.

It leaves your mouth before you can catch it and shove it back down.

“Why do you care?”

Joel looks up at you now and you think that you’ve already overstepped during your first, real fucking conversation. He finishes off the whiskey and puts it back down carefully. He stands up, each slow step over to you spiking your blood pressure, your breath shifting into neutral.

It’s the way he’s fixated on you, a litmus test for any sarcasm. The way a chill creeps into the base of your spine and slithers up each vertebrae despite the warmth you feel below your waist. And when he comes behind the bar, reaches for the glass in your hand and puts it down gently, you wonder if that tug has always been there.

Fuck.

“You think I don’t care?”

Tiny hairs at your nape stand at attention in a near-salute. The web of intrusive thoughts tangles between you, and you’re acutely aware that this is the closest you’ve ever been to Joel Miller – that you’ve been conscious for. That feeling rushes back and bursts in your chest, the comforting honey in his voice that’s been haunting you since he found you crumpled in the snow.

The omnipresent, sharp tang of whiskey sticks to the slightly graying stubble that you want to reach out and touch. That you want to feel the scrape of in places that makes heat pool deep in your belly. His flannel is unbuttoned at the top, the column of his throat ridged and tense.

Focus.

“Why are you saying this now?” you say, and you want to hold your ground but his admission is akin to mesmerizing.

He thinks for a minute, his eyes smoothing over every angle in your face. They look past you, just over your shoulder, like he’s asking himself the same thing.

“Knew you could handle it. ‘Til you couldn’t anymore.”

There it is. You let it sink in, clicking that last piece into place. Always observing you from a safe distance, the buzz of something unsaid ringing in your ears when he’s around. How he listens to your interactions, but never too closely. Watching for weak spots. And tonight was the weakest of them all, letting yourself be humiliated by the only person that knew where to bite just right.

You feel laid bare, too seen. Pissed that he can witness your struggling, thrashing, drowning with outstretched arms and kicking feet and decide when and if he’ll pity you.

And this time, a laugh does slip out – humorless and breathy.

“The same way you can handle whatever’s making you drink alone on a Friday night? Don’t act so holier than thou, Joel. I’m the wrong one.”

“Watch it.”

You don’t mean it. Not really. But you’re so angry, a wasps’ nest that’s been taunted and poked at after being left to its own devices for too long. Sometimes violence feels more intimate. Safer.

And he’s using that gravelly, terse tone with you of all people, and you want to fucking lose your mind.

When he doesn’t say anything else, just looks at you and waits, they leave their home in a wave. Burying stingers where you know they’ll hurt. Once more, with feeling.

“Are you looking for a ‘thank you’?”

Joel’s mouth quirks, but it isn’t a smile. It only stokes the fire, and you know what he’s doing. Letting you win, begrudgingly because you’re being an ass. But you haven’t had a win in the last ten months, only loss after devastating loss. He’s throwing you a raft.

“No. Just tryin’ to help, ‘s all.”

Your nostrils are flaring in sharp inhales that you can’t control, and you physically jab at him, your own tightly wound chest dragging in the hive for a final, practiced nosedive. “I don’t fucking need your help, Joel.”

He’s snatching your wrist, holding it in a vise, but there’s a flinch in his expression. Joel hardens, sliding that cool armor back into place. Sizing you up one more time, committing you to memory. A curt nod, plucking that chord of roughness in his tone that makes you ache.

There’s a glare you’ve never seen from him, like disappointment and disdain wrapped up neatly in one package. Delivered with a dagger straight to your heart.

“We’ll see. Not s’good at that, are you?”

And it’s a KO you allow, one you’ll lay with. But he’s leaning in, invading your space. You move to retreat and cower, the way you’re accustomed to, but Joel’s grabbing a fistful of your shirt and fastening you in place. His mouth’s at your ear as if he’s telling you a secret.

“Good luck bein’ a fuckin’ martyr.”

The pressure loosens, as does his grip, dissipating like some ghostly presence. He leaves without another word, and something inside you snags and unspools.

—

You don’t see Joel for days.

Three days to be exact, torturous and fluid days that feel like trickling sand, but blend together in an indistinguishable slideshow when you zoom out. You time your breaks perfectly at the stables so you don’t run into him, and you ask Cheryl to cover for you on Tuesday, ignoring the strange look she gives you – the resident workaholic.

It’s a sort of avoidance that you don’t want to acknowledge or look directly in the eye. If you did, it would mean that Joel affected you more than you want to admit. Or that he’d sized you up in an expert way that a categorical stranger shouldn’t be able to.

You should be livid, and you are… in a way. But mainly you want to shrug your skin off, your unease for being so dissected by him. Just unzip it all and let it pool at your feet, stepping out of the pile one leg at a time. The pinch, the untethering of you and the man that could read you without translation.

And when it’s 9 o’clock and you’re making tea as you trudge through a book without really reading anything, you glance outside at the house across the street and it’s so dark that you think it may have swallowed him whole.

Or he’s hiding from you, too.

—

It’s finally Thursday, and you can’t put it off any longer. You’re running out of food, you promised Tommy you’d lend a hand with feeding the horses – and there’s a dull itch to see Joel again. You don’t even know what you’d say, if he even wants to bother with you after the other night. Part of you hopes that you fall backwards into the acquaintance of saying nothing, that you have permission to rewind past whatever this nagging feeling is.

It’s quiet outside – a lazy day. The snow on the ground is melting, patchy in spots where sunlight or kid-feet caught it at just the right angle. The greenhouses are so fogged and frosted over that you’re grateful you can’t see the death-rot inside. It’s not quite growing season yet, but close, and you long for the added distraction in your day if this is the alternative.

Anything to pass the time and not think about Joel and his hands touching yours. The fabric of your shirt oozing between his knuckles when he forced you chest-to-chest.

When you make it over to the barn, his horse is gone and there’s almost – almost – a twinge of relief. You’ll be done before he gets back from patrol. You won’t have a chance to swallow the apology that will rise in your throat like bile, but maybe it’s for the best.

You’re elbow deep in feed when there’s a yelling that cracks in the air. You freeze, waiting to hear a suffix of children’s laughter, but it doesn’t come. There’s a confused sort of shouting, and the gate at the border of Jackson slams and rattles like you’ve never heard before.

Shaky hands wipe at your pants, and you step out, a hand shielding your eyes from the glare of the sun.

Joel is slumped atop his horse, upright but hardly. There’s a cut somewhere on his head that streams a blurry red, and the horse whines when Tommy sprints to meet it.

“It’s Joel! I need some fuckin’ help here!”

And without fully connecting the dots or measuring the severity, you just run. Colliding with the crowd that’s formed, shoving elbows and shoulders as if in a trance. Like something’s pressing you from behind, throwing all its weight into pushing you forward.

You blink and you’re helping Joel down, Ellie’s tattooed forearm somewhere in the jumble of limbs. Tommy’s jean jacket stiff from the cold.

You don’t have to look in a mirror to know that you’re pale as a ghost. The moisture strips from your mouth, joints moving as if by marionette. Blood is already drying and caking in the creases of your hands. Knowing it isn’t yours makes you feel sick.

“‘M fine, Jesus Christ,” Joel coughs, a jagged edge in his throat that sounds anything but. There’s something underneath his coat that’s soaking through, blossoming a dark stain on the front.

Images keep shifting every time you blink, like you’re losing time in between and someone’s slamming the fast-forward button until it jams. Joel groaning on a makeshift stretcher. Ellie’s frenzied feet following as they take him to his house.

The tall one on top of you, squeezing your windpipe.

Your head cracking against the pavement.

Two gunshots firing.

Snow in your bloodied, matted hair.

“You’re okay, I’ve got you. I know, I know it hurts.”

Ringing grows loud and shrill in your ears. Tommy’s in front of you, calling your name. Shaking your shoulders.

“– need you to go fix him up –”

And you’re falling back into the present, vision shifting back into focus. You’re nodding, clinical now. You’ve seen worse, and strangely, that’s comforting.

“– whatever supplies you need, I trust you –”

The weight of Tommy’s confidence steadies you, tying up the loose ends that have untwined deep inside. You run through the mental checklist of what’s in your medical bag at home – stashed in your closet on the very top shelf. Bandages, antibiotics, sutures. But if you’re dealing with a bite…

“I got it. Promise. Keep everyone out, alright? I’ll let you know.”

He pauses, catching up with the subliminal thing that waits in the air between you. Wariness paints his gaze, and you know he knows what you’re afraid to say.

Tommy nods, but you’re already running.

#my writing #a heart for eating #ahfe #outbreak!joel #jackson!joel #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #tlou fanfiction #motherofagony

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beesfairlyland · 6 months

Text

🅴🅰🆂🅸🅴🆁 🆆🅰🆈 🆃🅾 🆃🅰🅿 🅸🅽 🆃🅷🅴 🆅🅾🅸🅳 🆂🆃🅰🆃🅴?

Hey y'all !!💗

Soo i wanted to talk about a method... originally a lucid dreaming technique that i tried few weeks ago and it includes disturbing your sleep cycle soo do it when you don't have to work the next day! This method is called SSILD Technique...I am not the creator of this method and idk if anyone have talked about it earlier here if yes then please let me know I'll love to give credit to them. I can't do this method cause once i wake up it takes me about an hour to fall back asleep 😭 and in this method we have to fall asleep as soon as we can...soo let's dive into the method!♡´･ᴗ･`♡

THE SSILD TECHNIQUE

This method includes 3 cycles that we have to perform-

First cycle:- focus upon the darkness behind your closed eyelids, don't strain your eyes and don't try to see something even if it's just dark.. focus on it.

Second cycle:- focus on what you hear...it can be the sound you hear within your body or the outside noise like the fan.

Third cycle:- focus on what you feel ...it can be tingling sensation that you feel within your body or the weight of your blanket, your clothes

Soo now you know the cycles let's dive into how to use them! Combine this method with wbtb(waking up in the middle of the night preferably 2 hrs before you actually wake up ...or after 4 hrs of sleep. Do not do this method before sleeping as this includes rem sleep soo it won't work before going to bed).

Wake up in your rem sleep do something for 5 to 10 mins just don't wake yourself up be in that sleepy state

Once you ready lay down in a position in which you usually don't fall asleep and set the intention to enter the void or to lucid dream.

Time to perform the cycles!

First you'll perform the cycles fast (4-5 seconds) ....4-5 times.

Then take time and perform the cycles slowly (shouldn't take less then 30 seconds) ....3-4 times.

Then lay in your comfortable position and fall asleep as soon as you can don't think about void or anything coz that's gonna wake you up!...the earlier you sleep the more are the chances of this technique to work!

Now that you've done your part there are chances three things can happen

You can end up in a lucid dream....you can enter void through that easily

You can have a false awakening. It means you'll wake up do your stuff only to realise that it was actually a dream...soo don't forget to do a Reality check as soon as you wake up. It may all be a dream that feels so real😉

You just wake up... don't get discouraged this time just perform the slow cycles again and fall asleep quickly.

Now to enter the void setting intention before performing the cycles is enough if not then you'll end up in a lucid dream and from there void is so easy peezyy🥱

I am providing the actual link of this method if anyone's curious to read about it and you don't have to read other posts about it.

My experience with this method!?

I swear by this method...i tried it just once few weeks ago and had a false awakening i did this method with zero expectations. And few nights ago i suddenly remembered this method and i was like tf it's soo easy and so effective why not use this but unfortunately as i told above I can't sleep easily soo i thought of sharing this method with you guyss! I promise if you are gonna do this for a week infact week is more than enough... you'll gonna tap into void soon.

Hope y'all like this method and i urge you to try this once!💗

-love, bee💗

#loassumption #self concept #master manifestor #affirm and persist #law of assumption #void state #void challenge #manifestation challenge #void success

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sugarcoatedcherry · 5 months

Text

MASTERLIST

Hello, I'm sugar and I'm a void blogger. You won't find much loa content because I entered the void without applying loa. Although, it's important to mention that I have known the law of attraction for over 5 years, the law of assumption for about 2 and about the void state for 1.5 years. But I have started understanding and applying Loa only recently.

I have entered the void, have had lucid dreams, astral projections, shifted to multiple realities (I am not interested in shifting to fictional realities), and travelled to others' lives.

This post will keep getting updated every time I post anything new. I will be more active here than I was. Do not trauma dump before asking me first!

My asks will be closed but messages will be open.

All of my posts:

sure shot way to get into void

void tips

void tips 2

VOID - real talk

my mistakes attempting void

my void success story and progress

void motivation

List of my Realities

epiphany about the void state

My first void success story

Linking every proof about the existence of the void state and how you can get there

Helpful LOA sources

(this post is under editing and is incomplete)

#void state #law of assumption #void success #the void state #lawofassumption #affirm and persist #law of manifestation #reality shifting #shifting #the void #manifesation #loa success #success story

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charmedreincarnation · 1 year

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Mayaaaa! I have been stalking you @lotusmi @multiversebaddie @blushydior and someone else I forgot their tag, I think they deactivated 😞 for a long time and you guys helped me so much 😝😝but I am sending this to you because u r the most active right now I believe but I got into the void state and shifted Using these blogs !

You guys all like Neville and say work on faith so I used lotus detailed posts, she’s an angel! And same with multi, I used her faith and Neville posts and combined with what I learned from lotus without over consuming since that’s a problem in the community. Then I used your intention reprogramming method I saw in your lucid guide and focused on faith and no methods! Just intention and it worked faster and more easy than any other method I tried for months. I did everything from meditations to Sunni method to 10k affirmation challenge to the Bambi challenge and nothing worked better than faith, neville, and intent.

I also used blushydior/Bambi’s @rosellesworkshop and @fleurx post to help create better habits for myself instead of crying but not doing anything. Sometimes all it takes is aesthetics to motivate you to stop crying and get off your lazy bum and get your dream life !!! I’m so angry it took me this long and 8 blogs to decide I was tired of my life and I deserve better. But I got here 😙 that’s all that matters

I manifested and revised

being 22, to 17 again because I lost my childhood to abuse but I still wanna be a grown

Become a successful drop-shipper and having a six figure stream of income. I have been broke forever so I’m going to get more and I’m so estatic to soon be a multi millionaire at 18

I’m going to start modeling and received an email from img modeling company that they are happy to have me in their agency

Desired face and body. Think Bella Hadid’s body but Taylor hills face but with my own twist because I wanted to be original

Acceptance to Columbia even though before the void state I failed high school and was definitely about to flunk out of college

Good self concept to makeup for all the times I’ve been broken and knocked down. I will never feel like that again

Perfect family, which was damn dysfunctional before the void

Dream apartment. My dad bought me an apartment in New York for college and it’s 6k a month but he payed the first year off and is giving me an allowance of 15k a month

Being a nepo baby and revised my treacherous past that I will never acknowledge again. It’s the soft princess life from now on forward

Also reading @voidsuccess encouraged me a lot because I promised myself I would stop at nothing to become the next post. I’m so happy I can say I committed to myself and promise 😇😇

Omg idk how I missed this earlier this is amazing! Yes girl periodt 💅 keeping it simple fun and easy will always benefit you at the end. And I’m also obsessed with all the users you tagged as well congrats 🎉 you deserve this and moreee 😭😭

I think this is my current fav success story wtf this is amazing. Ty for telling us your method bb, and periodt on the easy princess soft life !! literally same it’s what we deserve 💗

#law of assumption #manifesting #void state #void success #manifesation #neville goddard #shiftblr

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roxygen22 · 9 days

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Timothee sickfic but you chose whatever sickness

With Female reader plz

Since I just posted a Timothée/Laurie sickfic yesterday, I switched to a sick reader instead.

Stay With Me

C/W: fever, fainting, hospitals

I heard a muffled voice as I came to, like I was underwater. When did I fall asleep? I felt someone shaking my shoulders.

"[incoherent mumbling]...[y/n]...[Y/N]!" The voice became clearer. Timothée's voice. "There you are. Stay with me, baby. Stay with me," I heard him say in a panic. I felt him kiss my forehead. "Oh f*ck, you're burning up."

I blinked and looked around, confused. Why am I in my bedroom floor? When did Timothée get here? I saw the outline of Timothée's form, but I couldn't focus on it. I only knew it was him by the sound of his voice. It sounded like he was calling someone. I didn't want to sleep, but I couldn't stop my eyelids from closing again...so tired...

The next time I woke, I heard the distinct sound of a heart rate monitor. I could smell noxious aroma of disinfectant. Am I in the hospital? Why am I here? The beeping intensified as I became more cognizant - and fearful - of my surroundings. It took a lot of effort to finally get my eyes open. All I could see at first was the harsh fluorescent light above me.

Once I could focus, I looked over and spotted Timothée's head on the bed. His frame was slumped over from his seat next to me. His hand held mine as he slept using his forearm as a pillow. He jumped up from his seat when he felt me stir. I saw the look of sheer relief on his face when he locked eyes with me.

"Oh, [Y/N], baby, you're awake! Oh, thank God, you're awake." Timothée sandwiched my hand between his and kissed it repeatedly. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

"What-" I tried to ask what happened, but my throat was too dry to make more than a raspy sound.

"Shh, shhh, don't strain your voice. Here, let's get you some water." He used one hand to support my head and the other to hold the cup as I took tiny sips from the straw. It felt like I hadn't drank anything in days.

"What happened?" I finally managed to get the words out.

"You didn't answer the door when I came by to pick you up for dinner. I got worried because I hadn't heard from you since we exchanged texts that morning, so I used my key to get in. I found you passed out in your bedroom floor. I have no idea how long you were like that. You-" his voice cracked. "You weren't responsive when I tried to wake you up. When you came to, it wasn't for long. You were feverish, too. I got scared and called 911. They brought you to the hospital."

"Do they know what's wrong with me? How long have I been here?" I had so many questions, but that was all I could muster.

"You've been in and out of consciousness for two days. But even when you were awake, you weren't lucid. They ran tests - you contracted West Nile Virus."

"Two days?! Have YOU been here for two days?" You dropped your head to the pillow. "All of those mosquito bites from the photography walk."

Timothée nodded. "That's what tipped them off to check for WNV first. They asked me about your travel history and habits. They wanted me to stay in the waiting room until they confirmed you didn't have anything contagious, but they relented if I agreed to mask and glove up after I kept bugging the nurses for updates. I didn't want you to wake up alone."

"You hate hospitals," I whimpered.

He half-smiled. "Not as much as I hated the thought of you being alone and scared." He kissed my hand again.

Timothée stayed with me until I was discharged days later, only leaving long enough to go shower and grab some clothes for both of us. He drove me home and helped me to my apartment. He cleaned out my fridge of any expired foods and went shopping to restock it. He waited on me hand and foot and even tucked me into bed. When he acted like he was about to leave, I asked:

"Stay with me, Timmy. Please."

"Always," Timothée whispered as he settled under the covers next to me.

<><><><><>

Masterlist

Tag List:

@croatianprincess

@bluizh

@jindongdongie

@groovyqueer

#timothée chalamet #timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet x reader #timothée chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet x you #Timothée chalamet x you #timothee x reader #timothée x reader #reader insert #sickfic #hurt/comfort #timothee chalamet fanfiction #timothée chalamet fanfic #timothée chalamet imagine #timothee fanfic #timothée fanfic

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chaisshitposts · 7 months

Text

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𖤐 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐀 ?!!

︶︶︶︶

glad to meetcha. my name's chai and I'm just your friendly, yet angry, neighborhood homie. my pronouns are it/that, I am an experience. I'm forever 23 until I decide it's my time to age up. I've been manifestin' my whole life, but have consciously been manifestin' for a good few years now, and only recently have i decided to get serious about it and live life in creative mode as intended. i am a law of assumption fiend and stand by that. also, i'm a major nerd when it comes to anime, cartoons, and anything animated in general. no, i promise i'm not a disney adult.

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𖤐 𝐘𝐀 𝐃𖤐 ?!!

︶︶︶︶

i make shit posts, post about ways to interact with yourself on a subconscious level, post about my own personal void journey, and sometimes like to rant. i am not a strictly void based blog. before anyone sends me asks about what they can and cannot manifest— imma answer ya right now, the answer is yes ya can have whatever ya want, even the unbelievable shit like magical powers and monster sps (don't judge me). if ya can think about it, then ya can literally have it. there's no limitations, for real.

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐆𖤐𝐈𝐍' 𖤐𝐍 ?!!

︶︶︶︶

currently, I've been on a new void journey using psych-k consistently, as well as using psych-k to change my own limitin' beliefs about myself and my perceived limitations that should have never existed in the first place but were put in place by society and those around me. i want nothin' more than to help others become the best they can be. however, i am exceedingly blunt and can be mean on accident or on purpose, sugarcoatin' shit is just not my thing. you've been warned if ya choose to interact with me.

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ ) 𝐖.𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐀 𝐏𖤐𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 ?!!

︶︶︶︶

psych-k, affirming on a deeper level

muscle testing yourself & others

dear subconscious...

got questions about psych-k? read this before sending in an ask.

did your ask not get answered? this might be the reason why.

building a manifestation foundation

using code words for manifestation

more posts to come!

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ ) 𝐖.𝐇𖤐'𝐒 𝐆𖤐𝐓 𝐀 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄 ?!!

︶︶︶︶

void 'n victory

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𖤐'𝐒 𝐆𖤐𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒 ?!!

︶︶︶︶

how do i know if i have resistance?

explaining psych-k in portuguese.

when did i first learn about psych-k?

are we supposed to put our strong side over our weak side?

what was the very first thing i manifested?

how long should i do psych-k?

what i can look up to better understand the whole brain state // psych-k?

how i do psych-k to the uptomst efficiency, when in doubt, cover all your bases.

psych-k for appearance change??? :O success!!!

trust your instincts

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𖤐 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐍𖤐𝐍𝐒 ?!!

︶︶︶︶

🐇 ,,, 🐠 ,,, 🎀 ,,, 👛 ,,, 🍓 ,,, 💌 ,,, 🦦 ,,, 🫀 ,,, 🍫 ,,, 🫶🏻 ,,, 📼 ,,, 🍵,,, 💫 ,,, 👙 ,,, 🌷,,, 🧝🏿‍♀️ ,,, 🌼 ,,, 🍞 ,,, 🐧 ,,, 🎀🧸 ,,, 🦁🐻🦒 ,,,

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𝐎 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐃 ?!!

︶︶︶︶

appearance change shifting success

lucid dreaming void success

void success (2) exam success

longer lashes void success (charlie)

void success (charlie) shifting & wands

void success void concept success

ideal sp scenario time traveling

lucid dreaming void success

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙡𝙧 2023

#— navigation. !!~#SoundCloud

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llovelyclouds · 8 months

Text

notes on alecto

hii!! so a few months ago i did a full reread of the locked tomb and took note of anything i thought seemed particularly relevant. I want to share what I have but I'm not sure exactly how i want to format everything quite yet- but im just gonna go for it so bear with me if its a little disorganized!

throughout the process i've started coming up with some of my own theories, but i thought it would be cool to post everything i've compiled, so people could use that to make their own conclusions as well :D

I have sections for anything that seemed important about all the original lyctors & their cavaliers, so I'm going to start off with all my information gathered about alecto! buckle in, folks, there's a lot :-)

you can find links to the other posts in the project here!

(also ofc spoilers for the up to the end of nona ahead!)

ALECTO

titles:

Also referred to as “A.L.”, “Annabel Lee,”or “Annie Laurie” John’s cavalier, the soul of the Earth. (And of course, nona <;3)

Annabel Lee poem (mentioned htn. pg. 196)

Annie Laurie poem (mentioned htn. pg. 345)

notes from harrow the ninth:

Harrow's psychosis seems to begin after seeing Alecto for the first time (htn. pg. 51)

Augustine describes her as "more lucid" than Mercy as an insult to Mercy (htn. pg 168)

"'God, who did you bury?' [...] 'I buried a monster,' he said." (htn. pg. 195)

(depending on how much of The Body is real) Agrees that Harrow should kill G1dieon (htn. pg. 226)

“Augustine said, ‘To sisters, and to the women we‘ve left behind.’ God’s mouth was cheerful as ever, but his eyes were not when he said, 'Do I have to drink to that?’ For the first time, you were witness to the Saint of Patience discombobulated. ‘Apologies, John. Wasn’t meant as a jab.’ ‘It doesn’t hurt anymore- most of the time,’ said God, and he was still smiling.” (htn. Pg. 277)

"Even the devil bent for God to put a leash around her neck… and the disciples were scared! I cannot blame them! I was terrified! But when the work was done- when I was finished, and so were they, and the new Lyctors found out the price- they bade him kill the saltwater creature before she could do them harm… Oh, but it is a tragedy, to be put in a box and laid to wait for the rest of time." - Teacher (htn. pg. 328)

Says she has to go away for a while immediately after Varun appears (htn. pg. 334)

John says that G1deon doesn’t talk about her, but Augustine and Mercy still feel guilty about what happened (htn. pg. 345)

“When I first met her I just called her First, One. She had a real name, but I buried it with her, and nobody says it anymore.” - John (htn. Pg. 345)

“Annabel Lee was my- what do I call her? Guide? Friend? I’d hope so… [...] She was the first Resurrection. She was my Adam. As the dust settled and I beheld what was left and what was gone, I was entirely alone. The world had been ended, Harrowhark. One moment I was a man, and the next moment I was the Necrolord Prime, the first necromancer, and more importantly, a landlord with no tenants. [...] I was dazed… I was bewildered… and she was my defender and my sole companion, and my colleague in the scholarship of learning how to live again. It was bloody difficult. I had never been God. [...] She lived to see what happened at Canaan House. Not that she took much interest. My first Resurrection was not a normal human being, Harrow, and she struggled to pretend. Anger was her besetting sin. We had that in common. And when the cost of Lyctorhood was paid, when the emotions were at their peak… we found out the price for our sin. The monstrous retribution. To be chased for our crime to the ends of the universe, to have our deed stain our very faces and follow after us like a foul smell. She died after that first terrible assault.” - John (htn. pg. 346)

"That freak would have gone for me already… she could never act human." -Mercymorn (htn. pg. 408)

the lyctors knew some amount of truth about Alecto's resurrection, likely that shes essentially a resurrection beast (htn. pg. 478)

"'A monster, John!' Augustine barked. "She was a bloody monster in a human suit! She was a monster the moment you resurrected her, and then you went and made her worse!'" - Augustine (htn. pg. 478)

Gideon & Pyrrha liked Alecto despite the fact that the other lyctors (at least Mercy and Augustine) didn't (htn. pg. 479)

One of the reasons the lyctors wanted her dead was because the RBs were partially coming for her (htn. pg. 479)

Appears to claim Harrow's body after Gideon "dies" in the river (htn. pg. 500)

notes from nona the ninth

"Sometimes, [...] I don't like when you do- the necromancy word- [...] -but it feels nice at the same time. It's mixed up. It's like when you do that, it makes me sad- not sad that you did it, but sad that you can do it." - Nona, to Palamades (ntn. pg. 65)

"Nona loved the blue sphere as much as she loved everything else. She, and nobody else, could hear it sing." (ntn. pg. 125)

"'And I'm not scared of dying. Really truly, Cam, I'm not…' 'Why not?' said Camilla. Nona thought about it. 'Because I like letting go of the pull-up bars and falling off,' she said. 'I don't like the part just before you let go and I don't like the part where you hit the floor, but I like the letting go.'"- Nona and Cam (ntn. pg. 125)

"Dust of my dust- such similar star salt- what they did to you and what they wrung from you and what shape they made you fill- we see you still- we seek you still- we murdered- we who murder- you inadvertent tool- you misused green thing- come back to us- take vengeance for us- we saw you- we see you- I see you." - Judith, (as Varun) to Nona (ntn. pg. 164)

Nona likes Gideon's (originally Pyrrhas?? maybe?) sunglasses, but only so long as nobody wore them (ntn. pg. 165)

"then she told herself sternly, Stop it! If she was going to do it, she thought, she might as well do it. She had some vague notion that when you committed to a thing you had to do it all the way. Who had said that to her? Who had taught her that? Once you've stepped in, said the voice in the back of her head, you're in. This isn't the Hokey Pokey. She had remembered something- she had finally remembered something! Only she didn't have anyone to tell." (ntn. pg. 203)

"Nona had thrown exactly two tantrums in her entire life. She couldn't remember anything about the first one, but Pyrrha had told her about it. Pyrrha had been laughing with her mouth, but not with her eyes: her eyes had been very brown and distant and uneasy, as though this tantrum had reminded Pyrrha of something her brain didn't want to bring back." (ntn. pg. 275)

"'But you see, Palamades, I don't mind dying,' said Nona, trying to make him understand. 'I've been doing it for ages. I'm not scared.'" (ntn. pg. 289)

"'I am glad you did not tell us this. We had no idea there was any recourse from Varun the Eater's effects, nor any beast.' 'Its pure theory,' Camilla said curtly. "Something's being transmitted through the light spectrum. Absorption through the eyes is worse for the brain.' This made Nona think of something. It tugged at the edges of her memory and stayed there, nagging.'" - We Suffer & Cam (ntn. pg. 322)

Nona says that she never liked her hands (ntn. pg. 357)

"She wanted to shout. She wanted to be listened to. She wished the barrier had taken her hands. She wished she had thrust herself into it- become that big seething mass of flesh and meat and tendrils- ruined her body, just melted it; come back messed up, so that nobody could want her body but her, so that it would be hers and nobody else's. This was a horrible thing to think. Nona hated herself immediately and fervently." (ntn. pg. 358)

She hates having just two feet (ntn. pg. 390)

“You were the noise that was everywhere. It was like trying to talk to someone down a phone line with someone screaming through a megaphone in the same room. You drowned everything out. You were so huge and so complicated, and you were screaming, You wouldn’t stop screaming, You were so scared. You were so goddamn mad.” (ntn. pg. 405)

“You were screaming. I wanted you to stop, I wanted… I wanted you. I wanted you like a caveman wants a wildfire… or the sun. I thought you were going to take me, somehow. Purge me. Use me as an instrument. But you didn’t say anything…I was babbling, Show me. Come on. I’m ready. You kept screaming and screaming… like a baby in pain. So I tried to hurt you- I did hurt you. I reached out for you, and it hurt you… but I wasn’t strong enough. The caveman. The wildfire. The Neolithic priest staggering in front of the falling star.” (ntn. pg. 407)

“I wanted to make you the most beautiful body I could think of. He paused and said: “But I was stressed, okay? I was insane. Most of what had made me John had gone somewhere else. There were a few little thoughts left…a handful of things that made me me… a couple scraps of id. It’s not fair to judge me, right? I didn’t do this thinking… I didn’t do it like art. When I was seven, you know, all Nana had to play with in her house was some of Mum’s old toys. And my favourite out of all of them…” He gave a long, shuddering sigh. “My favourite was her old Hollywood Hair Barbie,” he murmured. “I loved her little gold outfit and her long yellow hair. She was the best. She got to have all the adventures. [...]” He said, from my blood and bone and vomit I conjured up a beautiful labyrinth to house you in. I was terrified you’d find some way to escape before I was done. I made you look like a Christmas tree fairy… I made you look like a Renaissance angel… I made you Adam and Eve… Galatea. Barbie. Frankenstien’s monster with long yellow hair. He said, As the world went up I remade us both. I hid me in you… I hid you in me. And when we were together… once the shaman had claimed the sun… I became God.”- John (ntn. pg. 408)

“Do you remember what you said to me once I had done it? When we stood here together?” She looked at him and she said, “Yes.” He said- “You said, ‘I picked you to change, and this is how you repay me?’” She said- “What else did I say?” He said: “You said, ‘What have you done to me? I am a hideousness.’” She said- “What else did I say?” He said, “Where did you put the people? Where did they go?” She said, “I still love you.” He said, "You said that too.” - John & Alecto/Harrow (ntn. Pg. 410)

Nona has some kind of blackout on top of the truck and something happens in that time that convinces Pyrrha of her true identity (ntn. pg. 413)

Also based on Nona’s reaction at that point, maybe Alecto didn’t like Pyrrha even though Pyrrha liked Alecto (ntn. pg. 413)

“She’s scared to die. You’re afraid of so many things, but she’s only afraid to die. Then when the disciples come to you and say the word Lyctor, she does not understand that they want the thing you did to her- she watches as you watch… watch them misunderstand the process.” - Harrow, to John, (ntn. pg. 434)

“In [Aiglemene’s] hands was a huge black-metal pike about the same height as her, with an edge that gleamed in the light. Nona couldn’t stop herself looking at that edge: for some reason it made her palms sweat, and the back of her neck itch again.” (ntn. pg. 454)

“I might not help you when.. I'm back," she said, not quite understanding I. “I'll be different. I'll remember everything. I'll remember the thing I'm trying to forget. And Palamedes- I won't love him. I won't love Camilla, or Pyrrha, or Hot Sauce, or even Noodle. I won't love anything… I won't know how. I won't be me at all, or.. I'll be the me who knows the thing, and knowing the thing means I'm not Nona- I'm someone else." (ntn. pg. 460)

she recognizes the tower, and the devils (ntn. pg. 440, and 447, respectively)

“You let that monster out of its box," said Ianthe, "and you start us down a path nobody can save us from. If God truly wants her out… if Teacher set this all up… if he wants her…" “Wants her? He told me to kill her. He said Make it quick, but kill her, said me with my blood could do it- said me with my blood, I was the only one… " [...] “He loves her! " Ianthe howled. “John loves Alecto - John needs Alecto! Without that piece of Goddamn fridge meat, he's nothing- and we need to keep him that way!” - Ianthe & Kiriona, accidentally prompting nona to remember everything (ntn. pg. 470)

“She had been taken down this corridor: she had squeezed through this crack in the rock- not a passageway, not at that point. John had told her he had something to show her. He had said, It's very pretty. You'll like it. [...] John loved her. She was John's cavalier. She loved John. For she so loved the world that she had given them John. For the world so loved John that she had been given. For John had so loved her that he had made her she. for John had loved the world. [...] She hadn't come on purpose; the scrap of black-eyed meat had asked for it- the chain of a kiss: the ice that burnt the flesh of the mouth that had stuck to the mouth that was frozen.The teardrop on the hand. The hand that John had fashioned. [...] John had said, It's so beautiful. Come and look. She had said, There are almost no beautiful things left. where is Anastasia? Let me talk to Anastasia. [...] Glowworms, she had told John. Technically beetles, said John, but I always loved them. Narrow beetles with long strands hanging off them- a carpet of shifting, dead, winking lights at the top of the grave. Greenish, orangish, yellowish, moving over one another silently with those long filaments hanging down. [...] And the water- the huge pool of real salt water, where she had knelt and drank- [...] John and she had swum to the centre hummock rising out of the pool. Not an island, not really. An outcropping. With the marble pillars, and the marble top, and the long low marble table. He said he thought it was a nice place to be. To lie down. She had liked hard things to lie down on. It was hard to endure having a spine.” (ntn. starting page 471)

“There she was; John had made her so ugly, so unbearably ugly. The terrible face, with the terrible arms and legs and the terrible middle part, and the terrible hair, and the terrible ears: the nose too short, the ears too brief. But there she was- and within her the child, asleep, with the strange sword. The sword- her sword- her own edge had been pushed out, her swinging edge, her toy. Her plain bladed sword. And her body was chained up…” (ntn. pg. 474)

“Then Alecto remembered the vow, and turned back upon the altar to face the second child and raised the sword with wrath in her heart, for they meant to bring destruction upon her. But when the black-eyed infant showed her countenance to Alecto, Alecto recalled her, for it was a face one dreamed in Alecto's dream. and Alecto stayed the sword.” (ntn. pg. 476)

“And Alecto said, Pyrrha, he laid me down as an appeasement to them; he fed you to them as an appeasement to them; but he has never appeased me, and now all he has done was teach me how to die." (ntn. Pg. 476)

"Alecto said, I am very sorry about Samael. The child made no answer. Alecto said, I remember my vows. As I swore to Anastasia I swear to you. I am in your service until you bid me the favour, and whatsoever you appoint I shall perform, and consider the vow rendered. This is what I promised, until such a time as you deal with me as you see fit.” (ntn. pg. 477)

#junos silly little locked tomb thoughts #tlt #the locked tomb #tlt meta #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #nona tha ninth #gtn #htn #ntn #ntn spoilers #alecto #alecto the ninth #alecto tlt #nona tlt #alecto the first

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auraworkshop · 2 months

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Hi aura! I thought its nice to share it here about my experience in your lucid dream sub that you recently released. Okay so the day you posted it on yt, like no more than an hour I decided that Imma put it in my void playlist and listen to while going to sleep.

THIS IS THE CRAZY PART FOR ME AND IM NOT EVEN KIDDING.

I HAD THREE FREAKING LUCID DREAMS STRAIGHT THAT NIGHT.

first is that I woke up because the dream is somewhat terrifying to me. And I am actually aware that I am dreaming but I can't do anything in my dream. Or atleast I don't know how yet. But what I did is I forced myself to be awake and that's what happened.

Afterwards I went to sleep again, and this time the second dream is a lot pleasant than first but still I couldn't control it. (Lol I decided to learn how to lucid dream and be in control after this wild experience) and then when I just told myself that I want to be awake, I naturally woke up. And mind you, I am aware that I am dreaming. I just don't know how to take control yet.

Then the third one, I and I think the closest thing to me to void. Here's what happened. I am aware in that dream that somehow, I am in a different world, like the world that I used to imagine before (i am a big lover of astronomy) so I imagine myself being able to visit different planets whilst having all my desires from void list. Like actually materialised. And it felt really really real to me but instead, I said to myself that I want them(the things in my list) to be seen first thing when I open my eyes and I decided to visit void. But before I could even do that, I heard a voice. A freaking clear voice that WOKE ME UP IN INSTANT. like shit that freaking surprised me.

On side note: I always have this assumption that people can wake me up by just calling my name once so that's what always happens to me coz my parents are sometimes getting sick at night and then they just kinda calls my name so I always wake up by just calling my name once.

So I assumed that my mom(whose sleeping beside me) called for me so I tried to check but she's dead asleep for atleast a while and honestly that woke me up. Like what the hell happened. Just as clear ss day, I heard somebody called my name and that woke me up.

Then I read somewhere here that they are so close to void when they heard a clear voice calling their name and that scared them so I'm assuming that's whay happened to me.

Any ideas about my last experience about? I'm not sure even if that's me getting so close to void but I just thought that I wanna share my experience to others as well and ask for your insight too.

OMG THANKS. 🥹

SUBLIMINAL SUCCESS STORY ♡

Honey, that was such a wonderful experience!

Yes, there is a good chance you were close to the void state. This is also evident from having lucid dreams back to back, which is rare for people to get multiple times at one night. The voice you heard calling you is just a manifestation of your fear of a higher entity waking you. You thought of something fearful and scary so that is what your subconscious manifested. But this is nothing to be scared of and I assure you if you don't attach your fear to that voice, your experience will be a lot smoother ! 🤍

#void #void state #law of assumption

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platinumrosetail · 1 year

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Record of Ragnarok x Pokemon Trainer!Reader?

Maybe she ends up in the ROR universe or the other way around, but either way I just think it'd be interesting if she tries to explain her world to everyone and just throws out a this tiny, cute pokemon, making the ROR characters not take her seriously at first, but then she just throws out pokemon like Mew, Kyogre, or heaven forbid, Arceus himself, casually saying these were the gods of her world.

I quite literally been trying to make a post about this before so this is fantastic for me also yes a ror request whoo! Also yes with the reader having powerful and god like Pokémon along with cute Pokémon.

It felt too crowded with four legendaries with three being bigger than one of them so I had to switch out giratina for a starter, hope that’s alright with you 😅😭.

Me and them talked and fill in some things that I had questions about so you might see some things that was left out of the request, this is a heads up if you get confused on that 😁.

This might be focused on the reaction and fighting than anything romantic as I haven’t gotten any requests for them to do this but I will try and make some romantic moments the best I can 😁😅.

Warning: noob author, female reader, possibly some ooc, and others.

Characters: some gods and some humans (romantic, they didn’t fully specify who so I’ll do the ones in my masterlist that i think would be more romantic for the reader), Valkyrie (platonic)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were visiting alola again after battling in galar and becoming champion there; reason why you were visiting alola again was because you have a relative you want to visit and cause necrozma (solgaleo) wanted to visit where they used to live aagain after so long.

You were just spending time with the ultra beast when you heard the sound of a ultra wormhole opening up from behind you and the next thing you know is that you’re in your space suit that can open by a button and that you’re on the back of necrozma growing past many wormholes with speed that you didn’t know it had as it takes them a while to pick up this speed in the wormhole current.

Next you were falling through as necrozma was forced to go back into their pokeball but some forces you couldn’t see but you could see the struggle they had before going into the pokeball. You screamed even though you know that wouldn’t help as you aren’t sure if you can bring out any capable pokemon at the moment with that force pulling necrozma back into their pokeball and all.

(That’’s just for plot convenience at the moment, it most likely won’t appear here anymore, y’know like a one time thing.)

You felt yourself get caught by a pair of what seem to be strong arms with how muscular they are, you trailed your eyes up and met red tinted glasses eyes, you fainted seconds later because of all the adrenaline finally settling down and because of the hot male that caught you.

(Honestly who wouldn’t for Buddha lol)

When you finally woke up you noticed that you were in bed, at first you thought that you were dreaming all of that in a lucid dream but then began to notice the difference between this room and your room back in your time.

Your train of thought was interrupted by the door to this room opening and in came a tall woman with dark blue hair and from what you could tell by the distance between you two, green eyes.

“I’m glad to see that you’re awake, as i would like to discuss something with you if you don’t mind.” The woman says as she watches you sit up on the bed. “But first lets introduce ourselves, seeing as we might be working together from now on if you agree to a favor i would like to ask of you.”

“Ok……” I hesitantly agree wondering where this was going.

“My name is brunhilde and i would like your assistance on helping save humanity from being destroyed by the gods.” The woman now known as brunhilde introduced and explained the favor to you.

“My name is (Y/n)… and about that favor, can i have some time to think about it, y’know with how it’s a lot to take in and with how big the favor seems to be?” You asked wondering what world you’re in for humanity to be pushed to extinction if they don’t win this supposed battle of gods vs humanity.

“Of course, i understand, when you decide come find me in the meeting room.” Brunhilde quickly exit completely forgetting that you don’t know this place like she does and you don’t know where that is.

“He! Wait where is that?!” You tried to call out to her and get her to tell you before she left but seems she already died making you sigh before doing what you said you were going to do until later though that train of thought was quickly broken but something being dropped on your chest.

You uncovered your eye with the arm you previously placed over them to think and see big blue eyes and a pink short furred cat staring right back at you while their tail is swishing back and forth almost expecting something from you……. Until it hit you, quite literally as the creature you know as mew bap’ed their paw at you and you realized what they wanted.

“Fine~….. but after that no bothering me until later, ok? I need to think about this favor brunhilde asked of me.” You got a nod before going through the bag that was on the desk that was next to the bed you were on, and thankfully everything seems to still be in their original place in it anyway back to the task at hand, mew had wanted you to get the poke treat you always make for them and the others, your parent taught you the recipe for these things and like always it was all of your Pokémon’s favorite which doesn’t surprise you as the recipe was all Pokémon’s favorite, and of course there were different flavors for any pokemon with a different taste bud.

You decided to take a walk outside to get a clear head as the room was becoming too stuffy even though it was a really big room and it took many steps to even get to the door of it.

The place you ended up next was what most likely be the garden for this place you appeared in, while walking around there you spot a male laying down on the green grass that you know all grass type would enjoy running around in.

The male looked strangely familiar with the glasses and hair but you can’t quite place where you might’ve seen from though you guess you’ll know soon enough as when you went to get a closer look you seem to have woken the sleeping man up as the next thing you knew was that you hear a deep voice call out.

“Staring is rude, y’know.” You jumped, startled at the sudden noice breaking your concentration and began to panic while trying to push out an apology.

“S-sorry! You just seemed so f-familiar and i wanted to figure o-out why a-and—” you were cut off by what seems to be a lollipop being pushed into your mouth, and the lollipop you previously sen in his mouth is gone as well……. It didn’t take you long to figure out where that lollipop has gone to which made you blush up a storm and started to look like a (Pokémon name) with how bad you blushed at the indirect kiss you two basically shared.

“Calm down or you’l faint again.” he says which got me thinking on how he knew I fainted before unless…..

“You’re the one that catched me!” I finally figured out who he was and accidentally yelled out a bit as i finally could thank the one who catches and saved my life from that long fall.

“So you finally remember, huh?”

The male introduced himself as Buddha which i responded with my own introduction as well. He soon asked what you were doing here when you’re human and should be in the human realm which you quickly explained your predicament as he thought you fell from their version of human realm by accident and was already ack to your human life after you woke up.

“Well you see, technically I’m from another universe or dimension where there’s these creatures called pocket monster, or pokemon for short, and while hanging around at one of the places i visit to have some alone time, a wormhole opened and one of my pokemon had decided that it was time to go on an adventure again like when i was younger but when getting close to the end of the portal my pokemon was forced back into their pokeball and you know what happened next… sorry about that by the way.”

“Mmm, it’s fine, though you can show me one of these pokemon you have on you.” Buddha says which was alright with you and you guess he got curious on what one would look like with how you talked about them.

You went through your head on which one to bring out to show him before choosing your sylveon who likes getting attention from you and anybody you deem worthy enough to be your friend.

“This is sylveon, one of my Pokémon that been with me since I started my journey.” You say as you pet your beloved Pokémon.

“She’s cute.” Buddha say which made you laugh a little but quickly noticed how sylveon was reacting to that so you hurried to explain before things get out of hand.

“Actually sylveon is a boy, he gets irritated if you call him a girl, the only time he’s alright is when he goes to use to his advantage.”

After a few more hours of you two spending time together it was time for a leave as you still need to inform brunhilde the decision you picked while with Buddha.

(I’m going to speed this along as it’s already long right now.)

It was a few days after you joined the fight for humanities survival. You’ve met some of the human fighters, all with very different personalities and backgrounds.

The only ones who know about you being from another universe and your Pokémon being with you is brunhilde, her sisters, and Buddha, and even then they only know the normal ones you have not the legendaries you have, reason why you didn’t want to share with the others is because you wanted to surprise them within your round which is like a demonstration of what’s to happen though like the others the round is a death match as well.

The god you were facing was a low god to the others gods and goddesses but still strong enough to take down a normal human……. If you were a normal human, but seeing as you came from another universe entirely makes you no ordinary normal human.

“You should just surrender girly! I wouldn’t want you to accidentally break a nail!! Hahahahaha!!!” At that the god of (???) gained a laugh from the others on his side of this battle, he didn’t get the rise out of you like he was hoping for but instead a sweet, sweet smile that seems to scream danger to him but he tries not to be intimidated by a ‘lowly’ human like you.

You had already sent out a Pokémon before the fight, mew, who was invisible and would appear when you call out to it, but for now you’ll hold back on who you chose to send out, the one you send out is a hisuian zoroark that you caught in the past of sinnoh.

“Zoroark! Use shadow sneak!!” You called out a move for your zoroark to use which allows it to move first. A shadow from zoroark’s shadow goes towards the god which confused him on how you and your beast can do that before starting to feel extraordinary pain which made him tilt his head behind him to see what’s going on back there only to see a shadow looming over him being the culprit yo his pain.

Thankfully for him it ended soon enough but he was still littered with long scratches from the attack.

“How?! How did you do that?! And where did that mangy beast come from?!” He yelled out and basically insulted your Pokémon which irritates you when people get like that but make sure to hold that anger for the finishing blow when the time is right.

“I don’t want to reveal any of my secrets so you’ll just have to wait.” You say which makes the gods like hades, shiva, Loki, Thor, Poseidon only shared a small short glance before looking away uninterested in this fight and what happens to the human female, zeus also shared an interest disgustingly enough.

“Hmm, this human is interesting right hades?” Zeus says, hades doesn’t say anything as he saw the same female alone in the gardens one time and also had a interest with her being there and not in the human realm

On the Norse side there was Loki and Thor along with Odin and the two birds that follow him that Loki likes to tease. “Hmmm~ I wonder what she means by that~ what do you say Thor?~” he got no response from him which made Loki pout.

While they were all talking, the battle continued on until you only had three Pokémon left, coincidentally they were some of the legendaries/mythical from your world which theoretically speaking is basically like the gods from your world.

You thought as long and as hard as you could which was only a second before sending out the big one….. the almighty creator of both humans and Pokémon kind in your world; arceus.

“I’m sorry for acting cocky right now buuut….. you’re about to become nonexistent.”

“Huh? What do you mean? It’s just a Llama! I bet it would be like the others, too! Though I wished you let them stay out so I could kill them and make you see that you’re of no match to us gods!!” That sentence right there irritated both you and arceus and made the both of you look at each and nod before you give out the command to end this bloody fool from his embarrassing ways.

“Arceus, could you please use judgement on this poor fool and end his embarrassment.” You say calmly which receives a ‘gladly’ from arceus through your shared telepathy.

And like that the god before you shatters into green shards, disappearing into the place where humans and gods go to after they die in the afterlife.

Arceus returned to his ball as you silently walk back to your side of the stadium through where you had entered, tired and hungry and ready for a shower after what stress that battle brought you.

All of them were shocked before getting interrupted by a big screen came on in the middle of the battle ground of the stadium, the screen had funny eyes and a grin on its face.

“Hello! I’m rotomdex! The Pokémon you saw winning the battle with (Y/n) was called arceus! The creator of humans and Pokémon in (Y/n) universe!! You see, (Y/n) was transported here from a ultra wormhole opening up! Anyway, I need to go! Bye!!” And with that the screen disappeared leaving many shocked beings, wether they were human or deity.

After that you got swarmed by the other human competitors, all complimenting you in their own little way along with the competitors ally’s and friends/family.

You also gained the interest of some of the gods who want to learn about you more after that display you showed them.

(A/n: finally!!!! I hope you guys like it! I decided to try something new, it’s not a bad way to do things, just know I won’t use it for some of your requests as it depends on what you guys request of me, I also wished I could do more with the characters besides Buddha but I just couldn’t think of anything and because I have favoritism for Buddha, I mean can you blame me? Lol, anyway hope y’all have a wonderful day/evening/night!!!)

#anime #various x reader #anime x reader #x reader stories #crossover #anime crossover #pokemon #pokemon crossover #record of ragnarok #record of ragnarok x reader

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yandere-daze · 4 months

Text

This post is for me and the 3 other Rain Code fans on here that asked for this. The thoughts and ideas just wouldn`t leave my mind so here you go <3

I actually started writing this when I was in Belgium in August and only finished it now. Hope you still enjoy <3 Please do let me know what you think!

Warning: This post will mention and talk about the Fortes of the Detectives so if you want to stay blind please don`t read this as it will contain spoilers!

tw yandere, obsession, stalking, desperation, manipulation, mention of murder, kidnapping, childhood neglect

gn reader

Characters: Yuma Kokohead, Halara Nightmare, Desuhiko Thunderbolt, Fubuki Clockford, Vivia Twilight

Yandere Archives: Rain Code

Yuma Kokohead

Yuma is kind of an interesting character to imagine as a yandere. I think you could make a case for him to be a lucid or delusional yandere. He´s a character with strong morals, one who doesn´t want to do others any harm and is more than capable of recognizing when he is doing something wrong. On the other hand, I can also imagine him acting very irrationally when he falls deep into obsession with his darling

I simply can´t imagine him having a lot of experience when it comes to love, you´re probably the first person he ever fell in love with and it would happen very fast. As such, Yuma would be pretty lovestruck with you, he just feels so happy when he´s around you! He always wants to help you in whatever ways he can and tends to trail behind you like a lovesick puppy. He gets very flustered whenever you praise him in any way, he really enjoys the attention he gets from you.

He´s so inexperienced when it comes to love, that he doesn´t really understand that the way he feels for you might be a bit more intense than what actual love would be like. It shouldn´t feel so completely unbearable to leave you for the night whenever you both have to head home. He knows he will most likely see you again the next and yet Yuma still feels like crying whenever you have to separate. But that´s just what being in love is like, right?

It´s normal that he sometimes lies awake at night for hours, tossing and turning in bed before finally getting up and heading out into the streets to see you again. He´s easily memorized the path to your home from the many times he has gone there and so he finds it even in the darkness of the night without a hitch.

His heart feels heavy and only when he can finally see your sleeping form through the glass of your window does he finally feel like he can breathe once more. You just look so peaceful, Yuma almost can´t rip his gaze away from you.

But then in the morning, when you tell him that you once again feel uneasy because you could swear there were eyes on you all day, he can´t help but feel guilty. Following you home, that´s bad, no questions about that. Yuma knows that. He knows that and yet he can´t bring himself to stop. He needs to see you, he has to be right next to you every minute of every day or he feels like his heart will stop functioning.

He can´t be apart from you and it breaks your heart to see Yuma so sad every time you say goodbye, but you do notice that it keeps getting harder to actually leave every single day. The way Yuma looks at you so sadly, the way that with time, Yuma starts begging on his hands and knees for you to stay with him just a moment longer. It´s worrying. He seems so unhealthily attached to you but no matter how many times you try to bring it up, he immediately shuts down any arguments you try to bring. He just won´t hear it. He can´t bear to hear it, because deep down he knows you´re right.

It can´t go on like this, but Yuma just can´t let go. He wants to be with you so badly, he would do anything!

His desperation to be with you would almost be cute if it wasn´t so frankly worrying. The longer you are with him, the harder it gets to leave him. But the longer you are gone, the more determined and desperate he gets to keep you around for longer. You really don´t know what to do.

And Yuma? With time he realized that this is a problem, the way he thinks about this isn´t normal. But the thought of you being gone is even more unbearable. And honestly, Shinigami is just making things worse. As the god of death, her morals are way looser than Yuma´s and so she tends to give him "helpful advice" on how he can be with you forever.

Killing rivals through the Mystery Labyrinth, finally taking you home, and not letting you leave until you promise to love only him...

Yuma is horrified to hear these things and he refuses to act on any of them. But the more time goes by, the more he hears Shinigami´s voice in his head, and the more desperate he gets, the more appealing her "solutions" sound.

It´s only a matter of time until total obsession can turn even someone as honest as Yuma into someone willing to do terrible things for the one he loves

Halara Nightmare

Halara I imagine to be the one that takes the longest to fall for you out of everyone here. They are a very serious person and try to detach themselves from their emotions. What time do they have for things like romance when they need to do detective work?

It takes a long time for you to prove yourself in Halara´s eyes, they need to respect you as a strong and genuine person before they could ever develop any kind of attachment towards you. And let´s be clear: That really isn´t an easy task. Halara is not easily impressed and they´re even less likely to think of someone as honest

Due to the past scamming their family fell victim to, Halara is very wary of strangers. In their eyes, there´s no one in this world who does good things simply for the sake of it. Everyone has their own motives and reasons for doing things, theirs just include money.

So to earn their trust, you must be quite a remarkable person, one with a bright head on their shoulders. And then maybe with time, you will begin to earn their appreciation

It definitely takes Halara the longest out of everyone here to fall for you, it´s a very gradual progress, one that both of you probably aren´t aware of. Halara isn´t very affectionate with you and that doesn´t really change later on either once their obsession with you grows.

And Halara? Well, I´m pretty certain they have no experience with these sorts of feelings and might even push them away whenever they surface. They´re just a distraction from their work, they can´t afford to feel these things for you.

But slowly but surely, they keep falling deeper and deeper until even they can´t deny the way they feel about you anymore. They haven´t loved anyone like this before and it takes them aback, but they´re not stupid. They can surmise what the fluttering in their chest whenever you send a smile their way means. The way their cheeks feel warm whenever you fleetingly touch them. They know what all of this means, they´ve simply tried to deny it for the longest time

From the outside, it seems like nothing changed at all from the way they act. Their behaviour around you doesn´t really change all that much, though they are maybe a bit gentler when it comes to talking to you. But it´s really hard to catch on to honestly, and that´s how Halara prefers it to be.

Strangely enough, I can actually see them as one of the few yanderes that isn´t actually 100% interested in getting into a relationship with you, it isn´t really all that necessary to them. They greatly enjoy your company, yes, and their heart speeds up whenever you enter the room, but they simply don´t believe that a romantic relationship is the only fulfilling way to be with you.

Yes, touching you more tenderly and maybe even kissing you definitely sounds appealing to them, but it isn´t their priority when it comes to their darling.

What is their priority? Their darling´s safety.

As we know, Halara is very wary of any stranger you might meet. They´ve always been convinced that people simply can´t be trusted to act in your best interest, even before meeting you. And now you´ve entered their life and yes, Halara is happy to admit that you might be the only exception to that rule.

To them, you are the one good, honest person walking this earth. You do nice things out of the goodness of your heart, you care for other people and want to help them. And Halara knows better than anyone else how strangers will try to take advantage of that. They simply must keep you safe from any harm that might befall you.

They´re very smart and quick to figure out when someone has ill intentions and they´re even faster when it comes to fending them off. They´re very well informed and have no problem with blackmailing or threatening people to leave you alone. And if that fails, Halara is also very well-versed in hand-to-hand combat. Any possible threats are quick to run away afterwards.

And to be clear: ANYONE is a threat in Halara´s eyes. The world is full of scummy people and you can never be too careful. You have a good heart and someone needs to be there to protect it. That´s their job and they will do anything to complete the task.

No one will ever lay a hand on you while they´re around.

Desuhiko Thunderbolt

I feel like Desuhiko would be very fast to develop a crush on you and it would be very obvious to everyone. He can be very "intense" when he shows interest in someone

He would try to make a move on you almost immediately, though that would most certainly lead to you rejecting him and being kind of uncomfortable.

Funnily enough, with how he usually is you probably wouldn't even suspect how deep his love for you actually goes. He's like this with everyone so he's probably not serious about you at all. It's just like with everyone else, you think

So because he's coming on so strongly with everyone, you wouldn't even think that anything was different this time with you. And at first, you were right.

Desuhiko went to try and talk up other people but somehow, his mind kept returning to you. His thoughts started focusing on more aspects of you than simply your looks. No, in his mind he really started admiring you for your personality and all the little quirks you have

It was strange to him because never before had he gotten so attached to someone he was interested in.

When he realizes that he's actually in love with you, Desuhiko doesn't really know what to do with himself. He's completely overcome with emotions and just kind of a mess all around.

But now that he realizes the extent of his feelings for you ( he doesn't really because he doesn't know just how obsessed he is with you) he doesn't know how to go about it. Suddenly lame pick-up lines don't feel right anymore and he gets more and more tongue-tied when around you. It's quite a rare sight to see Desuhiko be so flustered and almost... shy?

Suddenly he's very self-conscious about what you might think of him. You probably think he's really lame with the way he tried to hit on you first, huh? Yeah, maybe that wasn't really the best move

But Desuhiko is nothing if not persistent. He won't give up on you so easily after a single defeat, now that he's aware that what he feels for you is special

Honestly, his attempts to win you over will become way more endearing? You can tell that he tries really hard to impress you. See, he's caught onto another criminal all on his own! Isn't he cool? You think so too, right??

On the other hand, he will also keep complimenting you on every single thing you do.

"Oh y/n, you're so smart for figuring that out!", "Oh, you're just so kind for helping that person out"

It would almost feel patronizing with how he praises every single mundane thing you do but you brush it all off because Desuhiko is just being Desuhiko

And after a while, Desuhiko will get a bit upset when he notices that you aren't really taking him and his feelings seriously. Because he is very serious about you! He's made up his mind that he wants to be with you and he'll do anything to prove that to you!

You start to notice that something about this is different because Desuhiko completely stops trying to hit on random people on the street. And all you can wonder is what possibly could have caused this. It was a good change obviously but you were still curious

But of course, the real reason is that he wants to show you how serious he is about you. He doesn't need or want anyone else when he already has you. He would consider it downright cheating if he kept up his old behavior. I mean you're already almost kind-of dating, right? I mean you must have picked up on his feelings by now, he even confessed all these months ago! Continuing to hang out with him means that you're not entirely opposed to the idea, right? Right?

He just keeps getting more and more persistent and it´s really hard to go anywhere without him. He always insists on tagging along with you, no matter how short the trip. It´s honestly pretty frustrating sometimes, it´s like you can never have a moment to be on your own, Desuhiko is always with you.

Naturally, you start complaining. And even Desuhiko can see that you´re getting annoyed with him never leaving you alone, even with his rose-tinted glasses. But he just can´t bring himself to ever leave you alone. And this is when his Forte comes into play.

You see, his Forte is actually kind of perfect for a stalker. Can you imagine the kind of stuff a yandere could pull off with the ability to disguise themselves perfectly? Whenever you get sick of him, Desuhiko can simply disguise himself as someone else and "discreetly" follow you when you´re out in public. And even if you do end up catching him, well, he has another person´s face, how are you supposed to know that it´s actually him?

And while we´re talking about disguising himself as someone else, this would actually be a pretty effective way to get rid of any perceived rivals without doing anything truly heinous. Despite everything, Desuhiko could never find it in himself to actually hurt someone like that, it´s not really in him.

So when he sees someone trying to make a move on you? It´s very simple for him to disguise himself as them and then make them look bad right in front of you.

Fubuki Clockfort

Fubuki definitely strikes me as a delusional yandere. Never before in her life has she ever been in love with anyone so when she feels that burst of warmth in her heart when she sees you for the first time, it‘s a strange and foreign feeling to her. Not at all unpleasant though! It‘s just something she has never felt before and so she is very curious about what this could possibly mean.

So to figure out what this is all about, Fubuki spends more and more time with you. And as she comes to find out very soon, she really enjoys your company! And her heart starts beating really really fast whenever you‘re near to her! Oh, this exhilarating feeling, it makes her feel strong and so, so weak at the same time.

But it is a wonderful new feeling and one she wants to hold on to for as long as she can.

Faster than you could realize, Fubuki starts to get really clingy with you. She keeps insisting that she should go with you when you head out with the excuse that she would be able to guarantee your safety due to her Forte if you ever got into any trouble. So obviously she has to tag along!

Fubuki would be so so sweet to you, singing your praises every step of the way. It's almost impossible to get her to calm down once she has started rambling.

I think after a good amount of time, Fubuki would be able to realize that she is in love with you. She might have had a sheltered upbringing but love was something that had always been at the back of her mind, even if she didn't allow herself to dwell on it for too long

As the heir to a very important family, Fubuki has been in an arranged marriage for as long as she can remember. As such, all her life, she never allowed herself to fall in love with anyone. She knew she was already promised to someone and she couldn't bear the thought of having her heart broken if she fell for someone else. She realized that her own wishes would have to take a backstep for the good of the Clockford family

She has told herself this all her life and yet when she finally does fall for you... Oh, this feeling is so addicting, how could she ever give up on this?

How could she ever choose her family over you? She has already envisioned her perfect future with you! Fubuki will go on adventures all around the world and you will accompany her as her loving and loyal partner! Oh, she can't help but fluster just thinking about all the time you two will be spending all alone!

The thought that you might not feel the same way as her doesn't really register in her head. Surely you must also have these intense feelings, just like her?

Because she's so delusional, she will definitely jump the gun with confessing to you.

"Y/n, I want to tell you something very important. I think - no, I know, that I'm in love with you. You look confused? Please do not worry, I've already spoken to my parents about breaking off my arranged marriage. There won't be any issues!"

She says this all with a smile while you wonder how someone can fall in love with you and break off their engagement after knowing you for 3 weeks.

Is very shocked and close to tears if you reject her, no matter how gently you do it. Also, you won't do yourself any favors if you mention that you two don't know each other enough yet. She will see that as a sign that you're willing to date her if you two spend more time together.

And if you just outright reject her? Well, Fubuki is definitely not happy about that. Maybe she should have waited a bit longer before confessing her feelings? Oh how clumsy of her, she's so unfamiliar with how love works!

So what does she do in this type of situation? She uses her Forte to turn back time to before she confessed her feelings. She understands that you need more time to process your feelings! So she will ask again tomorrow <3

Honestly, you could really abuse her Forte, she could just confess over and over to test the waters and then simply turn back time every time you turn her down. Or what if she suggests holding hands? Or asks if she can kiss you? If you don't want to, she can simply turn back time and make you forget it ever happened

That being said, if you keep rejecting her, Fubuki might get a little desperate. She really wants to show you that she could be perfect for you! So she'll definitely shower you with gifts. Anytime you even remotely mention wanting something, she'll get it for you with a smile. It's really no issue for someone whose family has as much money as hers.

Also because she's an airhead, you could definitely also manipulate her into giving you things or doing things for you. Whether it's clothes, a villa or her bank account number, nothing is out of the question!

Speaking of her family, you would be in a very rough spot if she ever brought up wanting to marry you to her parents. She probably wouldn't realize that she's pressuring you but how could you ever refuse if the Clockford family offered you an arranged marriage? How could you slight a family with so much power and money?

If you accept, Fubuki will be overjoyed, knowing all along that you loved her as well

And once you're married, there's no way you're ever going to be able to run away from her.

The only good news is that Fubuki is pretty tame as far as yanderes go. She would never want to harm you in any way, she just really wants to please you! Anything you wish for you will definitely get! She just wants to be with you for the rest of your lives!

Vivia Twilight

Vivia for me is a strange case because I can both see him taking a long time to fall for someone or falling for someone almost immediately

As we can see from his Gumshoe Gab, Vivia had a very troubling childhood where he went through a lot of neglect. He also expresses that a lot of people stay away from him because of his Forte so he probably feels quite lonely, even if he doesn't directly say this

So I think more than anything, Vivia would fall for a darling that is very kind and caring, someone who gives him the time of day and isn't deterred by his way of speaking or perceived strangeness

That being said, I don't think his darling would actually have to be an extraordinarily good person to catch his attention, as we can see him describe Yuma as "very kind" simply for talking to him or listening to him speak about his interests

Due to all the neglect he had to suffer through, Vivia might latch on to anyone who shows him the bare minimum of decency or affection because it is something he isn't used to and wants to continue to feel

“You keep talking to me every day. You must be some kind of angel.“

So I think Vivia would latch on to and fall for you almost immediately but it would be a slow and gradual descent into madness for him. It doesn't happen immediately and you probably wouldn't even notice anything changing about his usual behaviour

His way of speaking in metaphors and mysteries ironically enough would make any underlying thoughts and motives he has anything but overt. You might chalk up the way he‘s behaving suddenly to Vivia being Vivia.

It's not at all obvious when Vivia has a crush on you, it's like nothing really changes. He‘s not going to be upfront about his feelings so it would be up to you to pick up the small clues he leaves behind to figure out what is really going through his head. In front of you, he's still his old tired self, though you might feel someone intensely staring at you from time to time while you're at the agency. It´s kind of unnerving because every time you turn around to look, you can’t find the person responsible for giving you that chill up your spine

It´s honestly unlikely that you‘ll catch Vivia in the act of watching you, he can be very discreet when he wants to. On the flipside though, if you do end up seeing him, he‘ll simply smile directly at you and then turn back to his book, making you believe that nothing was strange about this after all with how casual he‘s acting about being caught.

Maybe you were just paranoid and jumping to conclusions. What´s so strange about being looked at sometimes? You‘re sure it was just a strange coincidence that it always seems to be Vivia who‘s studying you so intensely

If only you knew though, him staring at you out in the open was the least of your worries.

There is something much worse that you have no idea about. Vivia‘s Forte lends itself perfectly to a stalker yandere like him.

It's almost too easy. Vivia can simply lie down on the ground and use his Forte to turn himself into a ghost. Now he's completely invisible to everyone's eyes and he can even phase through walls if you were smart and locked the door to your room. Nothing you will do to protect yourself from your stalker will actually hinder Vivia in any way.

Locks, motion sensors, security cameras - nothing works. And the longer there is no evidence of a stalker, the more you will start to believe that it must have all been in your imagination from the start.

I mean surely, if there really was a stalker breaking into your house every night, something would have shown up on your security cameras, right? You made absolutely sure to cover every single area outside your house so there wouldn't be any blind spots. And yet still - the recording tapes turn up empty

At least Vivia will listen to you when you express your worries about believing you have a stalker but not finding any evidence. He feels a bit bad about how paranoid you have become because of him and yet he can't really say no when you ask him if he could spend the night at your house to help keep watch because you feel unsafe. It's too perfect an opportunity to pass up

You can rest assured that no one will secretly break into your house tonight while Vivia keeps watch over you <3 He's not getting a lot of sleep tonight due to being so close to you in person. It's just so different to have your permission for once to admire you all night

Can't help but chuckle to himself when you thank him in the morning for keeping watch so diligently. He looks so tired too!

Getting a bit off-track here so let's reel it in again. Vivia as a yandere would crave a normal relationship with you, which means he would ideally like you to fall for him as well, even though he sees it as a bit unlikely that someone as perfect as you would ever fall in love with him.

He wants your relationship to be peaceful and sweet, which is why he never wants you to find out about his tendencies. It would completely shatter the illusion he had kept up for so long and change everything, he can't let that happen

Because of this, I don't think Vivia kidnapping you is all that likely. He wants to be overt in his obsession for you and so no matter how much he wants all of your attention and affection, he won't do something so drastic, especially for no reason.

He needs to feel really threatened or like you're going to completely slip away from him to ever consider kidnapping you. He realizes that being kidnapped greatly reduces the likelihood of you falling for him.

That being said, if he did decide that this was necessary, he wouldn't have too hard of a time. We learn in the game that apparently he's always carrying around a syringe and we've seen him sedate people with it too in the flash of a moment. This leads me to believe that that probably wasn't the first time he knocked someone out and so he would also know what he needs to do if he wants to put you to sleep.

Will apologize but explain that he had to do this to ensure your happy future together. Hopes that you find it in the kindness of your heart to forgive him

Also, I feel like this is the right time to mention that Vivia would be a protective yandere. You're an amazing and kind person to him so it's of utmost importance to keep you safe. You deserve the world ( and so much better than him, he thinks) and he won't stand for anyone trying to harm you. You're so, so important to him, he can't let anything happen to you

I think this protective tendency is something he wouldn't really display in front of you all too much, aside from maybe making some small comments on the side when he thinks that someone might be up to no good

He will definitely follow you around in ghost form though!

Now, Vivia doesn't like violence all that much and would rather avoid any bloodshed. He's not the type of yandere to go crazy with jealousy and just murder anyone he deems a rival. ( I think I should mention that I can't imagine Vivia as a very jealous yandere in the first place)

He really rather wouldn't and especially not in front of you. He doesn't want you to become scared of him because he started swinging around a knife all carelessly. If he deems someone a threat, he might just go with something ominous. That combined with his height should be enough to scare off most people.

That being said. He does canonically have a box cutter in his coat at all times and he knows how to use it. If it really came down to it, Vivia could bring himself to hurt or even kill someone for you and your relationship. Murder is an absolute last resort and he‘s not quite sure if he could actually go through with it, but it‘s not out of the question.

He just wants a quiet and peaceful life with you at his side for the rest of his life. And he‘s going to have it, no matter what.

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accidentalslayer · 9 months

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Hello there, weary traveler. 🎃

My name is Alice Hart (she/they, millennial) and you've come across my little pumpkin patch of a blog where I mostly autumn!post, reblog things I like, and share my 3 am thoughts. It's also become my bpd (& associated) vent cemetery. Look hard enough and you'll probably find where I buried the bodies. If you like my collection of aesthetics and weird shit, don't be afraid to follow me. Or send me an ask!

❌ DNI: Transphobes, racists, MAP & MAP sympathizers, sexists, ableists, radfems, homophobes, conservatives, slutshamers, Trump-supporters, fat-shamers, blank blogs, super boring porn blogs with thin conventionally pretty women that look like they could be porn stock photos, !!!ana/binge/ED/weight shaming blogs!!! Or anyone who spews hate against spirituality, witchcraft, and astrology. This includes anti-shifters!

Some random facts about me:

🕯️Am neurodivergent ADHD insomniac with intense hyperfixations that switch around every other week and BPD traits that make life insufferable at best. I'm more of a creature in the shape of a person. I'm just tired. I want to be a pumpkin and dance under moon instead of whatever this crap is.

🍁 I collect tea cups, tea pots, and tea accessories. I also have a massive collection of tea from all around the world.

🕸️ I practice witchcraft and have done oracle readings & birthchart interpretations for people since I was sixteen. I really feel intune with the stars and the moon.

🍬 I'm a system.

😈 Interests include: mythology, philosophy, psychology, travel, reading, video games, art, cooking & baking, sewing, sharing headcanons & lore with friends, and having conversations with the stars.

System Information:

[Wheels Within Wheels/The Burning Eyes System]

Body Age: 35

Collective Pronouns: It/Its

System Type/Origin: Traumagenic, formed because of a near-death experience at the age of 16.

Host & Personal Lore: Tired artist & neurospicy girl with way too many projects who gets super excited about many things. Invested in tarot cards, astrology, lucid dreaming, and spiritual exploration. Loves celebrating holidays (personal, global, and completely made-up!). Hates intense heat, eggs, poor communication styles, & season 5, 6, and 7 of Once Upon a Time. Avid traveler. Will one day be famous.

[Members of System & Information]

✨ Aestriel Iao Sabaoth ✨

Oldest & 1st member of the system. Holds the role of Protector, Gatekeeper, and Helper. Was formed as a direct response to childhood trauma. Presents as a being made of burning eyes, infinite wheels, and prismatic rainbow flame. Mostly dry, direct, emotionless. Gives amazing advice despite how much that advice hurts. Doesn't understand the messy condition of humanity. Sees the big picture. Claims to be a cosmological figure and not mortal in origin. Is very personally annoying to me, the host, who just wants to be a people. Will come out if host/my safety is threatened in some way. Or to give advice to others…although who the advice is given to and when is completely unpredictable.

🔪 The Author's Pen 🔪

Arguably as old as Aestriel; although stood in the background for quite some time until more recently. 2nd member of the system. Holds the role of Persecutor and Memory-Holder. Was formed as a direct response to hardship sustained while being homeless and emotional abuse. Presents as a being made of black ink, gnashing teeth, blood, and the sharp edge of a quill or sword. Antagonistic, manipulative, acutely socially aware, and willing to put itself before anything else. Interesting conversationalist but proceed with caution. Would rather delve into hedonism than uphold the moral stand that Aestriel or Host does. Just wants to see a reaction. Comes out more frequently than Aestriel and even upon request, although insists that upon some kind of compensation in return. Also gives advice, mostly bad. Less unpredictable, though. Claims to love humanity, is some kind of abomination formed when the first word of the first language was uttered.

Other important details: Would highly recommend that you do not talk to Pen. If it ever decides to pop out, that is. I try to keep it away from anyone else but myself.

About this blog:

🍯 Originally, this was a fandom blog for my newest obsession: The Vampire Diaries & The Originals. Somehow, it became a Halloween & Autumn!posting blog for times when I'm procrastinating on writing or bored. I use the tag #its always october in my brain.

⛈️ I'm currently working on a project called Dawn Misplaced. It's an Originals fanfiction featuring a Darling!Reader who's a vampire slayer. I post my chapters on here underneath the tag #dawn misplaced or #accidental writes. My A03 is here. If you have an interesting TVD or Originals imagine, I might consider writing it. Shoot me your idea into my asks! Yandere content, consider before engaging.

⚠️ UPDATE: This project and yandere content has been put on indefinite pause until I can find the inspiration to write about it/find a streaming service that has The Originals. 💀 Netflix axed it so I can't watch it anymore. I am very sad. ⚠️ UPDATE [11/23/2023]: This blog has begun to stray away from yandere fanfiction and onto being just my main blog where I shitpost at 3 am, share autumncore aesthetics, and hope to begin sharing my personal art. Also I expect there to be venting mixed in too. I should probably make a tag for that, shouldn't I?? I've also made a new blog for shifting, astral projection, and dream interpretation. ⚠️ UPDATE [12/31/2023]: I've decided that I'm going to put my shifting/astral projection blog on here. I've already started working on my Masterpost but have yet to think of an appropriate tag for it. It'll probably come next year. I'm so excited for 2024!!

🪦 Sometimes, I share my personal thoughts here. I'm sure I'm going to get more obnoxious about that the longer I have this blog running.

💀 If you like or reblog any of my posts, there's a chance that I'll look at your profile and follow you randomly. Feel free to block & softblock me if I'm not your vibe, I won't mind. Also, if you're a porn blog or one of those blogs without a title/literally nothing posted on it, I'm going to block you outright. Unless you have really artful porn on your blog.

My taglist:

#🔪 slayer says 🔪

My normal unhinged chatter about anything and everything that goes through my brain. Some might be a little vent-y and include tw warnings.

# 🎃 accidental asks 🎃

My responses to any questions & asks thrown at me.

#🩸 accidental art 🩸

My personal art dump where all my doodles go.

#its always october in my brain

Where all my Autumnposting and Halloween stuff goes.

#so relatable it's causing me 5+ psychic damage for every moment I stare at it

Things that are painfully relevant to me.

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kiramizukiii · 1 year

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⋆ ˚｡⋆ 🤍 ୨୧˚ 🥯

𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐀’𝐒 𝐈𝐍-𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐇 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

Hi loves! I am back with another in-depth post. Today, I will be talking about Sleep paralysis, one of the most amazing phenomenas a human can go through and is one of the best methods that can be used to manifest,shift, respawn etc. in my opinion! This is a repost of my post on Amino 🤍

Before commenting, “why do you want sleep paralysis??” or “won’t you see demons during sleep paralysis?” etc. , educate yourself on it first or just read the whole freaking post. Sleep paralysis is known to be one of the easiest ways to shift/respawn, traced back all the way back to the history on this community. Yes, if you’re asking, this could yeet you out of here tonight even.

FULL DISCLAIMER! These methods are what works for me and others but it might not work for you. Mix it up and try setting up a routine intuitively.

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒

Cited from NHS (2019), Sleep paralysis happens when you cannot move your muscles as you are waking up or falling asleep. This is because you are in sleep mode but your brain is active. It's not clear why sleep paralysis can happen but it has been linked with: insomnia.

Many people would often suffer sleep paralysis due to an unhealthy sleep hygiene, stress, alcohol-consumption, even inheritance in genes. When in sleep paralysis, people tend to see “scary faces”, shadowy figures standing in their room,sounds such as someone calling their name clearly, feeling the sensation of heaviness on their chest and not being able to breathe properly, strong vibrations etc. These symptoms doesn’t apply to everyone so don’t be alarmed!

Are there really demons during my sleep paralysis episodes?

No. They are just a fragment of your mind since you are half awake and asleep. Many tend to see these “demons” since it is a common thought for people who goes through sleep paralysis that it is associated with “horror experiences”.

Can we induce sleep paralysis anytime?

Yes. But in my experience and many others, it is easier to induce sleep paralysis in your REM cycles. This is highly recommended if you are a beginner or someone who does not experience sleep paralysis regularly.

You will be in REM sleep every 90 minutes so it is best that you set an alarm for 3-6 hours after sleep or intend to wake up in your REM cycle. This is also known as the Wake Back to Bed technique (WBTB), often used by lucid dreamers and astral projectors.

Other than that, inducing sleep paralysis during naps are amazing too, since most of our naps are made out of REM cycles. Make sure to give yourself at most 90 minutes of nap time to induce sleep paralysis.

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𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐃𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒

There are 101 ways to induce sleep paralysis and it is not only limited to the ones I will be listing down. Once again, experiment with each technique and if none resonates or works for you, switch it up and make a method of your own. I will be sharing the WBTB method again, for the sake of this guide.

Wake Back to Bed technique (WBTB)

Like I said previously, set your alarm 4-6 hours after you sleep, timing can be adjusted according to your liking. If you are good at setting an intention, set an intention to wake up at your desired timing. If you are a heavy sleeper and would easily fall back asleep after switching off your alarm, place your phone on the opposite side of your room. Then you will be forced to push yourself out of bed and off it.

Once awake, you are required to stay awake for about 10-60 minutes. Again, customise it to your own liking. I would recommend 15-30 minutes though but it all depends on the individual. If you feel as though you are still very sleepy, add another 5 minutes to your timing. During this time, walk around, go to the washroom, repeat affirmations, read your scripts, etc. Do anything you would like but try to avoid activities that would increase your heart rate excessively. The goal here is to only wake your mind up and not your body.

Method 01

Perform the WBTB and get back to bed. Lay in your back and in a corpse position.

Make sure that your limbs aren’t intertwined with each other to make this method work better. Switch on a subliminal, binaural beats, soft music etc. to help distract your mind from your body and to prevent yourself from sleeping pre-maturely through the method. If you aren’t relaxed enough, try doing a progressive muscle relaxation technique, which I will be explaining at the later part of the guide.

When you have completely relaxed yourself, close your eyes and focus softly into the void behind your eyelids. You can also watch the hypnagogic imagery that happens before your closed eyelids. Let yourself sleep, but make sure to maintain a sliver of awareness to induce sleep paralysis. This might sound hard but that is why the background sound, subliminals etc. , would help you to maintain a little of awareness. If you want to scratch or swallow, just do it without giving it any thought.

If it is hard for you to stay aware, repeat a mantra “mind awake, body asleep”, to fasten the process. Once you feel the symptoms kicking in, do not passively try to interact or try to manipulate sleep paralysis! Wait for it to completely engulf you before doing the next step to shift/respawn yourself.

Method 02

This method is commonly known as the DEILD/CanWILD technique in the lucid dreaming community. It is used to spontaneously induce sleep paralysis and lucid dreaming, but it takes a little more effort to master.

The hardest part to master for this method is to wake up completely motionless and without opening eyes. Even though it is not necessary to do that, it helps to fasten the process of inducing sleep paralysis and re-entering your dream. I would usually affirm to myself that I would wake up in sleep paralysis, and that would usually happen to me. However, there is a shortcut to this method that I constantly use when my intentions does not consistently work.

Use a touch-less alarm clock. One that I love is “Lucid Waker”. It is available on the app store but I’m not sure if it is for android users. I would set an alarm after 3 hours of sleep and let the alarm play for 20 seconds, since I’m a heavy sleeper. There is a feature for “dream chaining” so I clicked on that one too and set it to automatically go off again every 30 minutes, so I would have a higher chance of inducing sleep paralysis in one night. ONLY DO THIS IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING ON THE NEXT DAY!! Doing this will make you feel sleepy and not well-rested.

I would lay on my back, like the picture above and sleep until my alarm goes off. Once awoken, I would instinctively remember to not move and about 10 seconds or so, I will be in sleep paralysis. A way that could help you prevent from opening your eyes is by using a sleeping mask.

Method 03

Following method 01, as you are about to fall asleep, open your eyes slightly and close it again. Repeat it as many times as you can whenever you feel like falling asleep. At one point of time, your body will automatically shift into sleep paralysis.

Method 04

This method consists of using the SSILD method, also known as the Sleep senses induced lucid dreaming. You can read it up [here|https://www.reddit.com/r/LucidDreaming/comments/18h2bi/ssild_official_tutorial_20/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf] if you want to know more about it.

What works best for me to induce sleep paralysis with SSILD is to wake myself up 3 hours after sleep, since “insomnia” could be a problem when you use this technique. It won’t apply to everyone, so do experiment with this technique. I would get straight to doing the cycles and since I’m barely awake, I would induce sleep paralysis half-way throughout the method. I found out about this on accident while intending to use this method for lucid dreaming.

Method 05

Of course I had to include FILD into this too. FILD, also known as Finger induced lucid dreaming, is a usually used as WILD anchor in lucid dreaming. It is not so well-liked by lucid dreamers, but it still dish out results. So why not use to to your advantage right?

If you want to know how to carry this technique out, read it [here|https://www.reddit.com/r/LucidDreaming/comments/c9ljkg/a_beginners_guide_to_fild/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf].

When you are at the verge of sleeping, move your fingers ever so lightly and slowly reduce the movement of your fingers. At this point, you should be imagining your fingers still tapping onto the surface of your bed lightly. You will feel a sudden shift of energy and sleep paralysis will take over very quickly.

Method 06

Following method 01, once you have done everything and is currently laying on your back, try not to move at all. It should not be a problem since you have already relaxed your body. If your body jerks, just let it be. It is known as a hypnagogic jerk and that means your body is falling fast asleep. Try to stay on your back until you have that extreme urge to move. If it is super unbearable, switch your sleeping position to the side and “fall asleep”. Relax yourself as a whole and feel yourself falling into sleep paralysis quickly.

Method 07

This method is commonly used to induce hypnagogia but could also be used for sleep paralysis. Perform the WBTB technique and when you’re back on your bed, place your arm up 90 degrees to your bed OR bend one of your knees up.

As you fall asleep, your arm or knee will drop as well. If it does drop, wake up slightly and hold your arm or knee back into it’s original position. Do this until you can’t stand it anymore and place your arm or knee down. Relax and sleep paralysis would take over after a few minutes or so.

Progressive muscle relaxation technique

As promised, [here|https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-do-progressive-muscle-relaxation/] is how you can help relax yourself before inducing sleep paralysis, or honestly any method of your choice.

𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓/𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐖𝐍/𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒

Since I’ve seen this question floating a lot throughout the community, here is what have worked very well for me.

When in sleep paralysis, rage shifting/respawning affirmations in your mind. For example:

- I have fully shifted to my Dr

- I am in my Dr

- I have manifested xyz

What works best for me is to use past/present tense. Try to avoid continuous tense such as “I am shifting to my Dr” or “I want to manifest xyz”. It might still work for you so do experiment. When I say rage, means just shout the affirmations in your head angrily! It actually works really well since it helps to strengthen my sleep paralysis vibrations and I would actually shift in a minute or two.

If this doesn’t work, you can also incorporate 5 senses with affirmations. If you have aphantasia and can’t visualise, just use your other 4 senses.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐇𝐍𝐈𝐐𝐔𝐄

Taken from my post in DRSU (Amino)

A copper coin? How the hell is it supposed to help me reach sleep paralysis faster? I know it might sound stupid but I will tell you why. Copper is known to stimulate energy flow and enhance your psychic energy. It is an energy conductor that will move energies and amplify thoughts.

It will also help you in channeling and communicating higher dimensional beings so heads up to anyone who channels here <3 Copper can also ground and move a wide array of vibrational frequencies from the spiritual realm to the physical realm.

Not to mention it can help you by sending healing energies around your body and encourage you to achieve physical and emotional alignment, resulting you to think clearer and less aggressive behaviour.

Warning! Copper activates your third eye so stop doing this method if your third eye chakra becomes too over active.

The method

Find yourself a copper penny or if it is unavailable, you can use a copper wire etc. as long as it its flat. Once you find one, clean it thoroughly. I would recommend that you do this method after a few hours of sleeping (wake back to bed) but do it whenever you are comfortable.

Lie on your back and prop a pillow under your head so that it will be slightly elevated. Arms at your side and feet separated. Use your right hand to press the penny on your forehead, between your eyes but slightly above.

Carry out the progressive muscle relaxation technique.

Be aware of your consciousness separating from your body and imagine your body floating gently in a boat on a slowly moving river. You should try to trick your mind into thinking that your body is asleep. Your body will start to vibrate like hell and no matter how hard you tried to move, you can't. This is an indication you are already in sleep paralysis.

𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐈𝐏𝐒

Taken from my post in DRSU (Amino)

- Worrying and tensing your body too much. The main goal to reach the state of sleep paralysis is to RELAX. Do not worry about swallowing, moving your eyes, limbs etc. Instead try this. Pretend to be asleep. Let your mind wander and after every few minutes, bring your focus back to your body and ask yourself, “Am I asleep?”

- If you are someone who sleeps too fast even after turning off the alarm, place your phone across the room and wake up to switch it off. Walk for a bit, go to the washroom etc.

- If you are someone who has a hard time sleeping when you move to switch off your alarm, I would recommend you to use a touchless one instead such as Lucidity or Howtolucid. I am using an iPhone so I am unsure if it is available on Playstore.

- If you do experience pre-symptoms of sleep paralysis, it is best if you do not control them. Trying to intensify them would only dissipate the symptoms. Instead, allow them to do whatever they want: the less you act, the more intense it will become by its own means.

- Looking up at your Ajna, or also known as the third eye. When laying flat on the bed, close your eyes and look subtly up at your third eye, somewhere between your eyebrows. Do not strain your eyes since you will have to stay like that for quite awhile! Continue meditating and sleep paralysis would happen quicker since your eyes naturally roll up as you sleep.

- Do a third eye meditation before sleeping. I have not tried this yet but many said that it could help you achieve sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming and even astral projection way quicker.

- Listen to frequencies, binaural beats or maybe even guided meditation. I never tried guided meditation to induce sleep paralysis because at some point, I will be distracted as hell hehe. Some binaural beats I would recommend are theta waves on the Binaural app, [🍥|https://youtu.be/bolhpqL0uZU] and [🍤|https://youtu.be/FOnn4H5lEaY]

- Do not get too excited when you finally induce sleep paralysis. Don’t be like me seriously. I got too excited the other day and it faded away :( Just lean back and let sleep paralysis take over and then start affirming to shift/respawn to your DR or to manifest!

- Tilt your head slightly to the side and slightly forward in a corpse position. Rest your tongue on the roof of your mouth so your mouth would not randomly open while inducing sp.

- A method that was recommended by my boyfriend, he said to prop pillows under your head. Make sure to have your head higher than your body. This always made him have sleep paralysis. You could also use a heavy blanket when you want to induce it.

𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃

Sleep paralysis is a gateway to other states such as lucid dreaming, astral projection and even the void state. Here are some ways you can transition sleep paralysis to lucid dreaming etc.

Lucid dreaming

Once you are in sleep paralysis, just let yourself slide deeper into it and affirm that you are lucid dreaming. It usually works for me since I would transition into a lucid dream in a minute or so.

Astral projection

When you reach the vibrational stage, you can start doing an exit technique. I will list some below:

The widely known, rope method

When in sleep paralysis, you can start imagining a rope directly above you and your astral arms pulling you up. The trick here is to feel the rope and yourself getting pulled out of your physical body. Continue this until you hear a “pop” sound or a shift in awareness.

Levitate, sit up or roll out from your body

Like what I stated, once you are in sleep paralysis, attempt to levitate, sit up or even roll out from your body. Remember that this is your astral body doing the tasks and not your physical body!

Once you are out of your body, remember to seek for protection from your angels or higher ups before spawning a portal to your wr/dr. Once there, just merge with your dr body and you have shifted/respawned.

The void state

Just like lucid dreaming, when you are in sleep paralysis, just affirm that you are in the void state and you will be thrown into it.

——————————————————————————

𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒

This is mainly for lucid dreaming and astral projection since I have not experimented with other methods to sleep paralysis huhu. You could use this if you really want to use sleep paralysis as your shifting/respawning method OR have troubles shifting/respawning with lucid dreaming and astral projection.

Lucid dreaming

When in a lucid dream, what I would usually do is to find or spawn myself on a building or a cliff. If you are afraid, you could use the next method. Then, I would affirm that I would wake up in sleep paralysis and jump down from there. It would work 99% of the time.

If you’re scared, you can just affirm to wake up in sleep paralysis in your lucid dream. It still works as well.

Astral projection

When I astral project and I want to induce sleep paralysis, I would affirm that I would induce sleep paralysis. Not long after, I will be pulled back into my body and wake up in sp.

𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

01| https://youtu.be/JdfxkBj_Jp0

02| https://youtu.be/uoOejJ6HH-g

03| https://youtu.be/PssXvbZNemA

04| https://youtu.be/0GWhCO5_Tww

05| https://youtu.be/vKo-IU5aJLw

06| https://youtu.be/r-MHa49N6mg

07| https://youtu.be/HeTFSTLicEw

08| https://youtu.be/-rhJAQ8ysug

09| https://youtu.be/fDn38yOdGaI

10| https://youtu.be/js4A3mOCAkM

11| https://youtu.be/pFSHGRe-I0k

12| https://youtu.be/AQIBxE5_WUg

13| https://youtu.be/UGK9AyozPvQ

14| https://youtu.be/QD-6Y_h9_kY

15| https://youtu.be/rCF8incoo-E

16| https://youtu.be/rv5cVrif_84

17| https://youtu.be/bolhpqL0uZU

18| https://youtu.be/G3q0qAc69kk

𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐒 (from Amino, mostly for shifting/respawning)

From 🍒 desired reality ☁️ amino

how to induce sp (for the sp method)| http://aminoapps.com/p/2j36ivk]

how to shift with sp| http://aminoapps.com/p/79utts

“the opening and closing eyes method - for SP”| http://aminoapps.com/p/4rt7mu

affirmations for Ap, sp, ld, the void state and hypnagogia| http://aminoapps.com/p/bexoc6

how to induce and shift through sleep paralysis| http://aminoapps.com/p/u3bzaj

sleep paralysis and how it works| http://aminoapps.com/p/brcl0u

sleep paralysis info| http://aminoapps.com/p/xm9152

inducing and using sleep paralysis to shift| http://aminoapps.com/p/cmzwbw

how to induce sleep paralysis and lucid dreaming to shift| http://aminoapps.com/p/212izg

sleep paralysis method| http://aminoapps.com/p/pfu0yx2

how to induce sleep paralysis + shift| http://aminoapps.com/p/jc83tr

misconceptions about sleep paralysis| http://aminoapps.com/p/kb3lju

sleep paralysis guide - in depth| http://aminoapps.com/p/ptv2bv

don’t be afraid of sp(sleep paralysis)!| http://aminoapps.com/p/xjy4xx

how to get into sleep paralysis for shifting| http://aminoapps.com/p/20wk18

what is sleep paralysis + how to shift with it| http://aminoapps.com/p/ld9b88

From DRSU

sleep paralysis masterlist| http://aminoapps.com/p/v6dfy3

inducing sp without 30min relaxation| http://aminoapps.com/p/78tyw6]

reddit post gives a detailed explanation on sp/lucid dreaming method|http://aminoapps.com/p/qh2fgk6

how to easily induce sleep paralysis| http://aminoapps.com/p/qzta9x0

I had an epiphany about sleep paralysis| http://aminoapps.com/p/4unu5a

how I induce sleep paralysis| http://aminoapps.com/p/sw29t5t

Exclusive content!

There is a sleep paralysis guide made truly by my sweetheart, Natari. You can check it out on her channel (https://youtube.com/c/Natari%E2%80%99sRealm%E6%B5%AE%E4%B8%96). It is really well written and very informative 🤍

𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

That is it for my guide! I tried to make as detailed as possible to make sure I am able to help you guys out. If you have any other tips or tricks for sleep paralysis, do leave it down below. Have a great day/night ahead and good luck in your journeys loves!

⋆·˚ ༘ * kira

#sleep paralysis #manifestation #manifest #void state #dream life #instant manifestation #neville goddard #law of assumption

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