#this is the adhd cleaning hack of all time actually: people are coming over

[emmaspolaroid]

mom and dad are coming to my house I have to clean the ceilings

#it’s not that serious but I did do the dishes and vacuum and finally put away a bunch of clutter #this is the adhd cleaning hack of all time actually: people are coming over

[reimenaashelyee]

Clean version here

Not a bingo but a jenga. My responses below the cut

Somehow I have half of this image filled out. I wish I could cash it in for points to redeem.

Jenga:

First comic is a magnum opus: There had been a string of graphic novel adaptations of books I wanted do when I as a young teenager, but The World in Deeper Inspection was my first, substantial, original behemoth of an idea. It was the only one with the power and the potential to stay and push me to become a comics creator. Everything I am and have as an artist and writer is because of TWIDI.

Fan art more popular than OCs: This was going to be inevitable because I hardly ever post about them online. But I suppose if you count my one-off character design illustrations that go viral or my published graphic novels, this box wouldn’t be true… (The God of Arepo is my most popular fan work)

I binged your life’s work in 2 hours: I am glad you like my work enough to be this engrossed in it – but honestly please please reread it again and SLOWLY so you can appreciate the visual storytelling – not just the words and the main action!! You’ll have a fuller experience if you take the time to luxuriate!!

This isn’t even my day job: It both is and isn’t. I do enough from comics that I can survive out of it near full time (thanks to my usual speed; very grateful), but I get financial stability from the monthly paycheck from the actual day job. Relying on my speed to produce near-constant output for money is something I am losing interest in as my ideas become more ambitious and niche.

Subscribe to my Patreon: Somehow I am able to hawk my free-to-read platforms with a certain amount of success but never can get a big dent on my Ko-fi.

Received unsolicited critique on a free comic: Unavoidable reality. Though I hadn’t had something egregious in a long time (and it better stay that way).

Had to explain what a webcomic even is to someone IRL: Nearly all the people I surround myself with are ‘normies’ (people who aren’t so online and/or don’t read online media), so this comes up often – and it will become more frequent as I pursue institutional pathways like residencies and grants. Even if they knew what webcomics were, it would be under the name of webtoons.

I can’t wait to draw this scene in 4 years: lol @ Alexander Comic and TWIDI

Multi-year hiatus: TWIDI’s eternal curse, until I figure out how to build enough stability in my career/life to return to it – full-time and for real.

Financially supported by someone else: My dayjob, mainly, but previously my parents.

Is somehow mutuals with favourite artist: That’s what it’s like as your career progresses and matures! It’s always nice to become peers with those you admire – especially the ones you grow to love only after knowing them.

Characters get gayer over time: Growing up and being able to witness the various ways of living can and will change how one approaches their characters.

Successfully fulfilled a Kickstarter: Not on my own, but I had a few for my books that published smoothly.

Empty space:

ADHD diagnosis: I have ADHD-esque behaviours that I have managed to overcome with ADHD-specific hacks, but whether I actually have the thing itself is a question mark. I lean towards not really having it since I am able to execute and complete tasks regularly.

Works in animation or went to school for it: I used to want to study and work in animation before I discovered the potential of comics as a storytelling medium. I don’t have a desire to break into that industry, even without all the employment and late-capitalism instability that it’s going through right now. I am not averse to trying if asked, however.

Had an art teacher who hated anime: Never went to art school.

Yes I’ve had burnout but what about second burnout: Currently going through a fallow period, but I really don’t think it’s Burnout Burnout. Touch wood, I continue to maintain my love, interest and desire to make comics and stay in my artistic career.

Forgot how to draw main character’s face: Characters are so seared into my brain, it’s not easy to forget. Helps that they each have particular quirks that belong to their design.

This comic gave me my hand/wrist injury: Still out here WITHOUT any of those. I hope I can keep it that way until whenever I retire.

Emergency commissions: Hopefully I will never have to resort to do this. (Very grateful, yes)

Sleep… “schedule”? my 7-8 hours of sleep is essential and non-negotiable.

If it’s not 3 hours long is it even worth adding to the work playlist: This is is referring to video essays I guess? I rarely ever encounter essays of over 3 hours that I am interested enough to watch. (Also I can’t really watch something while drawing; I lose speed/concentration)

Embarrassed to look at early pages: Not embarrassed – I was younger and less-skilled then, that’s just how it is. There were a lot of things younger me did that I could still learn from.

Regrets costume choices: I pride myself in being able to style myself and my characters, and so far I have never regretted the clothes I give my characters – the TWIDI characters all have base outfits from when I was 15!

#artist meme

[bornadreamer]

My watch dogs 2 headcanons

Sitara:

 Aro/Ace (not just because she wears the flag colors lol)

Dedsec is a big queerplatonic relationship for her. She loves all the guys so much and would kill for them, but as soon as someone mentions her fucking one she kinda just *vomit emoji*

Hyper protective of kids. After the mission with her niece she dedicates at least 10 hours a week to developing software to protect kids on the internet/root out pedos

Hardcore listens to nature noises while she paints/sketches

Fantastic at calling people out on their bullshit. She does NOT let the guys get away with anything demeaning/sexist, even by accident. To their credit, they always apologize and try to do better

Loves weird/facey tea flavors. One time she brought back a bbq boba tea and everyone else gagged. 

Knows everyone’s triggers and actively purges them from Dedsec feeds before the others can see

Crazy wine aunt vibes. Will care for you when sick, but will roast you for how you acted like a baby after.

When she gets panic attacks, she needs weighted blankets. Like, enough to break a few ribs. Wrench sat on her once. It actually helped. 

Loves She-ra. Hacked the studio to watch the eps being made and yelled at the screen like a banshee the whole time. The boys were very afraid.

Horatio:

Actual only straight person in the group. The butt of so, so many jokes.

He, like Marcus, LOVES fashion. While he can’t wear what he wants all the time due to his undercover persona, he buys fashion mags like nobody’s business. Can name his ten favorite designers off the top of his head. 

A little bit very OCD, though you can’t tell by looking at him. Ratio is very anal about what goes where. Everyone knows not to go near his station in the hackerspace. 

One time Wrench knocked over his desk (nearly destroying his rig) and Ratio’s stuff went flying. Wrench almost had a guilt meltdown. Luckily, Sitara had a picture and they managed to put everything back almost exactly. Almost.

Stress cleans. When his undercover stuff is really getting to him, he’ll kick everyone out of the hackerspace and just. Clean. For hours. When they’re allowed back in you could eat off the floor.

Since he can’t be around all the time, he gets little gifts for everyone and leaves them at their stations to show that he’s thinking about them.

Wrench:

We been knew that the boy is suicidal, but he’s manic-depressive bipolar as well (also not shocking)

ADHD

Self medicated with every kind of drug out there.

Marcus and Josh eventually beat him down enough to take Meds That Are Actually Helpful. Sitara mediates. It was A Process. 

All of his fingers are broken from one thing or another, it made him really self conscious when he Marcus and Josh started dating. He didn’t like holding hands because he felt his were ugly. 

Texts solely through emojis like fucking hieroglyphs. Half the time nobody knows what he’s saying. He has no intention to stop. It drives everyone nuts.

Likes to be the middle spoon, with Marcus as the big and Josh as the little

DO NOT let him consume more than three cups of coffee. He will not sleep for days. 

The first few weeks of sleeping with Josh and Marcus he doesn’t take his mask off. He’s terrified. Finally, they manage to get im comfortable enough to do so and his boyfriends have a great time kissing every inch of his face. He laugh-cried from relief. 

He and Marcus have terrible hacker movie night. They watch cheesy hacker moves and laugh at how bad everything is.

Squishy toys help relax him when he’s having a bad manic episode or an anxiety attack.

Josh:

Also hardcore ADHD

Somewhere on the autism spectrum as well. 

Marcus’s first gift to him as his boyfriend was a chewy necklace, since he needs his hands to hack. It actually helped more than he thought it would.

Most of the time he totally forgets he has it, though

Unironically enjoys black and white television. He’ll have I Love Lucy running for audio while he’s working. Sometimes he even turns on the blind narration.

Horatio and Marcus switch off on making him blind narration eps. They have a ball with it.

Lists. Lists. Lists. This boy has a timed checklist for almost every day. His phone will ping and won’t stop until he Does The Thing. When he’s really in the zone and doesn’t hear it everyone at Dedsec kind of wants to kill him.

Sometimes Marcus and Wrench need to tag team who coaxes him into the shower and who does his laundry while he’s distracted because this boy is a fucking disaster. They both fucking hate his green hoodie. 

Must Hack. There is nothing else But The Hack.

Will crack if you say enough bad puns. It’s really the only humor he can get behind

When he does his happy stim (flappy hands) everyone at Dedsec just does from cuteness overload

Loves slow, lazy kissing in the morning or right before bed. It’s the only time his brain slows down enough to really enjoy it before he goes into work mode

Marcus:

He and Ratio have the deepest discussions about fashion. They both lose their minds at John Boyega and Orville Peck

Marcus loves to shop! He drags Wrench and Josh with him for opinions, though neither of them really care they love how happy it makes him. Sitara is his real shopping companion, she Knows what looks good on him.

He’s the only neurotypical person in Dedsec. Boy was THAT and adjustment. Marus spent months after he joined reading up on everyone’s conditions and how to best help. He feels like a pro now, but is eager to learn. He stayed updated on all medical research. 

Marcus works with Sitara to prepare little emergency ‘fit-kits’ as they call them, for everyone. He can pull them out when someone’s having an episode and help them through it.

It can be a struggle to make sure both his boyfriends are on their meds and keeping themselves healthy, but he’s happy to do it. Marcus can take almost anything life throws at him

Organizes hack offs within the group just to show off, basically. The only one who has beaten him so far is Josh.

Josh isn’t into clubbing, so Marcus and Wrench party hard. When they come home they binge one of Josh’s old shows until all three fall asleep on the couch. 

Tasers pedos and rapists on sight, unless he’s on mission.

He goes back for them after

Terrified of motorcycles but loves weird cars.

He’s jewish and keeps a menorah at the hackerspace. Everyone loves to help him celebrate. 

#watch dogs 2 #marcus #wrench #sitara #josh #horatio #dedsec #maddy rambles #mine #my hcs #headcanons #long post #marcusxwrenchxjosh

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #296

“reality’s a plague; we’re the medication”

How are you doing in this time of COVID19? Do you personally know anyone who is not taking COVID19 seriously? Tired of it. Don’t see an end to it. I know a bunch of dumbasses who don’t take it seriously at all. What do you think of TikTok? Have you jumped on it yet? Why or why not? I don’t have an opinion on it. What hobby or interest of your significant other do you have ZERO interest in? What about something you actually think might be fun or something you actually picked up thanks to them? If you don’t have an SO, you can think of a relative or friend as an example instead. No s/o, sooo I’ll use best friend instead. Tbh I can’t say I have ZERO interest in anything she likes… If it makes her happy, I’m thankful for it. To answer the second half, she definitely got me into Wings of Fire. Have you ever felt affected by the death of a celebrity or public figure? If so, who? Do you remember when you found out and what was your reaction to it? Steve Irwin comes to mind very quickly. I remember exactly who told me and where I was. I was heartbroken. He was my childhood hero. Did you ever get called horrible names like whore, skank, bitch? I’ve been called a bitch. I remember one occasion as a kid where I was called fat for breaking a swing, even though I was a normal size. The swing was just old. It affected me though, for sure. Where did you sleep last night? My bed. Ever slow danced with anyone? Yes. Who is the last person to send you a message on Facebook? The woman I took pictures for a few weeks back. She’s a sweetheart. Have you ever been given roses? Yeah. Ever been called babe/baby? Yeah. Who was the last person to smoke something other than a cigarette or weed in front of you? No one’s ever smoked anything else in my presence. Does anything on your body hurt? My knees. They pretty much always do. Who is your favorite family member on your mom’s side? My uncle Rob. Who was the last person you were under a blanket with? Sara. Which of your friends is the most likely to get pregnant right now? I feel like all of them that are “likely” literally are pregnant right now lmao. My Facebook is like a new pregnancy announcement once a week, it seems like. Have you ever been called prince/princess? Ew, no. Have you kissed anyone when you’re single? No. Have you ever kissed someone who was in a relationship? Nooo, I have no interest in being “that person.” What would you call your body type? Let’s not think about this. Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Yeah. Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart? I don’t think I could. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? I don’t believe so. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting or any kind of abuse at home? My parents fought all the time. Separated when I was… 17, I wanna say? Have you ever had any volunteer jobs? Ha. Attempts, anyway. Both were animal-related, and I was so excited to become a regular helper, but my weak-ass body couldn’t handle either. Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you? I never actually thought of it this way, but yes. Flirting like that was absolutely cheating. Describe how you feel about your life in the past month using one word: Stuck. Are you feeling guilty about anything right now? I always have guilt nowadays. When was the last time you saw someone attractive? In person? Hm. I think a about a month back when I took family pictures for someone. The kids’ dad was pretty cute. Are you okay with the life you live? Nope. What other piercings would you get other than the ones you already have? Fuuuuck dude, I want a lot. Many more in my ears, dermals in my collarbones (the #1, ahhh, but I want to lose weight first so you can see the contrast), it’d be nice to have a nose ring that fucking stayed in, I would LOVE an undereye microdermal if I ever change to contacts again, sometimes I think about an eyebrow piercing if I kept my eyebrows thinner… man, there’s a lot. I just love body mod. Did your last kiss take place on a bed? No. Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NO. Is your present hair color natural? Sadly yes. Do you follow a certain religion? No. Do you listen to any country music? Noooo. It’s so weird remembering that I loved it as a kid. Have you ever lived on a farm? No. Do both of your parents have jobs? Dad does, but Mom is currently on disability due to recovering from cancer. What is something you’ve always wanted a boy to do for you? Ummm. I dunno. What do you wish you had more knowledge about? Politics. Is there anyone you’re not over and feel like you never will be? I doubt I’ll ever be fully over him. But I feel it’s understandable. When’s the last time you were really late to something? Hm. Dunno. Do you sing a lot? I sing veeery rarely. Do you think you have an addictive personality? I have a very addictive personality, yes. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Pokemon, easily. What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? I don’t know. When was the last time someone took your picture? *shrugs* Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? I eat them with ketchup and mustard, not chili. Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? I’m unsure… but I lean towards no. Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Hell yeah. I’m so for platonic “I love you”s. What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? I'm not sure about "worst," honestly. I've mostly just heard mild inconvenience type things. Have you ever been in a car wreck? Yes. Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Actually, yes, by maybe my second psychiatrist. She was fucking looney; I could see ADD, but ADHD was ludicrous. Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? I cut off connections with my dad for years after the divorce. Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? Yeesh, no. How many times have you been drunk in your life? None. Are you a happy person? Not really. Have you cried yourself to sleep? Oh yeah. Have you been in trouble with the law/jail time? No. At what age did you become sexually active? Maybe like, 16 1/2? Have you been in a loving relationship? Yes. Have you been in an abusive/bad relationship? No. Who would you die for? Quite a large handful of people, really. Have you ever been in a gang? Nooooo thanks. Who do you dream about most? Annoyingly, Jason. When are you happiest? When I'm hyperfixated on a new interest. Do you answer the phone by saying anything besides "hello?" Not unless it's family, really. Then I'll just be like "hey" or "what's up?", something along those lines. Do you get mad easily? No. What is your favorite song right now? I'm pretty hooked on "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli. Do you wear glasses or contacts? If you wear both, which do you prefer, and why? I wear glasses. I've worn contacts before, they're just too tedious for me. Would you rather be buried or cremated? Cremated, please. Ever done karaoke? Did you like it? No. Goriest movie you've ever seen? Probably some SAW film. Is anything in your room purposely hidden? No. Have you ever been pranked via hidden camera? No. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? No, anything with raisins is disgusting. What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? "It depends on the situation." <<<< This. Have you ever loved a boy who was dating some other girl? I certainly still loved Jason when he was with his girlfriend after me. Is your hair all the same color? Yeah, pretty much. When it was longer, I had natural highlights, but now that it's so short, ig it's hard for them to exist. Denim, leather or varsity jacket? I have desperately wanted a leather jacket since middle school. They're just expensive, at least the ones I like. Do you clean things that are already clean when you're bored? Ha, no. I'm not gonna clean without reason. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. What TV shows do you keep up with? None. Would you rather have a wiener dog or an Italian greyhound? Absolutely a greyhound, if I wanted a dog and had room for one of those. Do your parents buy you most anything you want? Most definitely not. I'm not even comfortable asking for things at my age. Have you ever tried to jump a fence? I have jumped fences, as a kid. Do you like the movie Zootopia? I do. Do you ever go on Pinterest? Rarely. What's the last kind of chocolate you ate? A sea salt dark chocolate w/ caramel filling Ghiradelli square from Christmas. Can you speak any unusual languages? No. Did you do gymnastics in elementary school? No. Have you ever performed in front of a large audience? Yeah; I was in dance classes for a long time, so we had recitals and went to competitions. I never did a solo, though. I was going to my senior year (senior solos are typical), but I got too nervous to continue with it. It was to "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson. Do you like BBQ sauce? Ugh, I hate it. Last time you wore the opposite sex's clothing? Right now. I always wear men's pj pants. Are you currently fighting with someone? No. Have you ever kept anything wild as a pet? When I was little, I know my sisters and I kept a box turtle that wandered into our yard for a while. We eventually let it go. Then when I would go fishing with Dad, one of my absolute favorite things to do was try to catch the minnows and tadpoles in my hands, and so I had a fishbowl of those. Don't keep wild animals, please. Do you set good examples for little kids? Probably not. Does your house have a pool? No, but I REALLY want one. It would be so helpful in strengthening my legs without sweating my ass off and feeling like I'm going to collapse. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No, but I've actually had very short (I mean like, a second), sudden spasms when lying down that feel like what I assume a seizure to feel like. I think it's a side effect of my nightmare medication. What's the longest hotel stay you've ever had? Not long at all. Just a few days. Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Maybe? What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? Making dark/dangerous jokes. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Have you ever had to wear a school uniform? In middle school. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? My fat ass ain't getting in the top bunk. Are you close with your cousins? None, really. Are you close to any aunts or uncles? Also not really, but one of my mom's brothers is closest to that. Are you close to your grandparents? They're all dead, but I wasn't very close to any. I never really see my extended family. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? Go swimming, if they had a pool. If they didn't or it just wasn't up, I liked playing two-player video games. Do you know what you want to do for your next birthday? Probably go to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner and dessert with family and just chill at home for most of the day. What is the last new thing you discovered that was really good? Peanut butter fudge, like holy shit. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. What is the best hairstyle you've ever had? What I have now. Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair? DYED. Do you think your look better with curly hair or straight hair? Straight. Have you ever won a contest? Yes. How many drawers does your dresser have? Five. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? N/A What song hit you so hard that you remember where you were the first time you heard it? Oh man, what a question. Music can affect me very deeply, so honestly there's probably a number that fit this criteria if I thought for long enough, but I'm not gonna spend ten minutes trying to pick the best one. "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White will do, I guess because that was probably the most recent. I don't let myself listen to it, even though I love it. It'll only drag me into a trauma pit. What's your "brand" of fictional character, the type you always get attached to (ex., "perky girls with deep-seated mental health issues," "guys who you would want as an older brother," etc.)? Totally the sarcastic and usually well-composed villain. If you use Spotify, share your 2020 Wrapped! What are your overall feelings about it? Is it what you expected? I don't use it. If you’re a ~gamer~, what are your top 3 all-time favorite games? Silent Hill 2, Shadow of the Colossus, and Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. What’s the biggest red flag you’ve ever ignored? I dunno; I'm pretty good at listening to those. What’s something extremely bizarre you believed as a very young child? It's fucking embarrassing that I went through this many-years-long "I have animal powers given to me by a wolf I made up!!!" thing, holy god. Like, I thought I could "activate" traits of certain animals. Kids are fuckin wild, but I was exceptionally so. What is the biggest conflict in your life right now? With myself. Through a lot of digging with my therapist, she got me to realize that I don't feel that I'm rightfully lovable because I'm not "successful" and "going nowhere." It hit like a ton of fucking bricks when I understood the "why" of feeling like that. Like don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm a bad person that is worthy of being hated, but totally deserving of pure love, no. So my therapist has me tell myself "I am lovable" in the mirror every morning, and I don't believe it. I'm trying to, but every time I'm just like "lol but are you really?" If you could change your current life schedule to incorporate more or less time for certain things, how would you do so? Do you feel like you have a well-structured and well-balanced schedule at the moment? My schedule is embarrassing, truly. I wake up, get on the computer, go to bed, and that's just about it, taking care of bodily needs being sprinkled in there throughout. I want to change it so, so badly, but I'm just... so set in my ways. I want to incorporate at least 30 minutes of daily reading, and I've yet to start my Wii Fit exercising because I'm waiting for Mom to move into her room (she stays and sleeps in the living room rn) because I do NOT like exercising in front of ANYBODY. I don't care if she gave birth to me. I also want to spend less time just hopping between websites on the laptop just because I can't find anything to do. It'd be nice to draw more, too... but for that, I really need to like the idea of what I'm drawing to stay even slightly motivated. There's probably more to this, but yeah, that's enough. What filler words do you find yourself using most often ("um," "you know," etc.)? "Um" or "uh," probably. I fumble over my words so much as well as just total derail on what I'm talking about that filler words are very, very common for me. When was the last time you felt let down? What were your expectations about the given situation that weren't met? Ugh, so apparently when my laptop was fixed, a lot of things were reset, and that included Lightroom, my primary photography editing software. I lost all my presets and I initially thought pictures too, but thank Christ I had a backup dialogue. I'm still pretty annoyed, because I can't find my favorite free LR download site. I didn't at all expect my laptop to be affected as heavily as it was, just getting a new DC port... If you enjoy taking and editing photos, how would you describe your editing style? This greatly depends on the subject matter and composition, but I feel a common theme is I enjoy vibrance. I war with myself a lot if I make them too saturated, but idk. Have you ever been inspired by a celebrity to change something about your appearance (your clothing style, hairstyle, etc.)? Is much of your taste/style inspired by celebrities? If not, what else serves as an inspiration for you? Ha! Guys, I'm not going to bullshit you, when I got into GMM, I loved Link's big, "nerdy" glasses so much that I became very curious as to how they'd look on me. Years later, I still kept the style and think they've looked best on me of all my glasses. I love them. For the second question, no, not really. My personal aesthetics dictate my style selections. When was the last time you felt a friendship was petering out? If a friendship seems to be fizzling, do you go out of your way to try to "save it," or do you accept that it may have just reached its natural conclusion? Ugh. This has happened in so very many of my friendships that I don't even like thinking about it. If we're talking the most recent time, I suppose with Alex. She just started talking to me less and less before vanishing (to clarify, she's an online friend). Considering just how poorly I handle loss, I'm the type to always try to save friendships I still cherish. Who is your favorite contemporary writer, author, poet, thinker? I don't know. What are your thoughts on body positivity vs. body neutrality? I believe in seeing your body and loving it for all it does, considering it's a masterpiece of biology, but, I also feel it is vital to consider its health. In other words, no, I do not think morbidly obese or emaciated individuals should think their body is... I can't think of the right word, really. "Ideal," I suppose? And keep in mind: this is coming from an obese person. I don't want someone to tell me "your body is perfectly fine!" or "you should just accept you the way you are!" when I spend almost every minute of every day thinking to some degree about how much I hate my fucking weight. No, I don't want to be convinced I should settle and neglect the wellbeing of the one body I have, but I in no way support bashing or being rude to people who are unhealthy, either. I feel like my stance on this is kinda hard to explain. Just respect your body as well as others' and their efforts to treat it the best they can. Do you enjoy keeping secrets from people, like having something about yourself that no one else knows? I mean, I don't enjoy it... I'd prefer to have none. If you play video games, what do you usually like to play? If you don't play video games, do you like watching others play? If so, what? I really like horror games, more than any. Fantasy ones with dragons and gods and the like are awesome, too. I don't enjoy a lot of games that are pretty much just movies with player decisions that barely affect the ending (I do like watching these, though), nor do sportsy or action things normally do it for me. It's by serious luck that I'm an avid World of Warcraft player, because I don't tend to like very grindy games, but I suppose WoW is an exception with the absolutely endless options of what you can do. Onto the second part of the question: totally. I wouldn't watch let's plays if I didn't, and I grew up loving to watch my dad and brother play. I'll watch an even wider variety of games than I play, but it more so depends on who the person is versus what they're playing, because whom I watch is controlled by whether or not/how much I enjoy the individual themselves. What are three things you like about nature? Just three? Damn... Well, the easiest I suppose can be summed up in a quote: "As above, so below." All is tied together. I could go on a romantic monologue about the beauty of our connection to the infinite stars we look upon and the ground we stand on, but I'll spare ya that poem. I love, love, love the sounds of nature: birds chirping, zephyrs through the trees, the crunching of fall leaves. All of it. Then, there's the power of nature! I live for those pictures of nature just taking the Earth back: desolate homes eaten by vines, all that. To call nature merely "spectacular" is truly an act of disrespect, pretty much. What do teenagers have right now that you wish you had when you were their age? Hm. I guess better phones.

#survey #surveys #questionnaire #questions #lyrics: ''ultranumb'' by blue stahli

[cripplecharacters]

What would a real experience in a psychiatric ward be like? Lots of sites say its good but they seem to be from non-patients. Do you also have any/know where I can find more reliable resources?

yeah, they’re awful. i’ll give my experiences, but they’re pretty intense. 

tw psychiatric abuse, suicide mention, sex ment, conversion therapy(?) under the cut. i’ll be getting a little personal and a little painful. a lot personal. i want to be clear: the only people these places help are those with unipolar depression and anxiety and EVEN THAT is only if you do everything they say and act the way they want. and are above the age of 35. and are nice to them. i take that back: it doesn’t matter what you have, if you don’t do whatever they say then they don’t help you.  i don’t actually mind giving my experience because venting is good.my experience is heavily tied to my being lgbtq/queer, but that by no means was the focus.

now, this is all worse-case… i’m sure there’s people who work at these places who are good people, but there’s bound to be people in the replies with their own horror stories and i recommend they share said stories and that you read them. and i do mean horror stories. first of all, it depends on the ward. short term facilities completely reduce your sense of freedom down to nothing because all they want is to make sure you aren’t going to kill yourself or someone else. in several places you are required to have a psych evaluation after a suicide attempt that lands you in the ER, some places skip it and just toss you into a short term facility. most people stay in those facilities for about a week at most, then move on to a long term facility if they need to stay longer. generally you get tossed in a room and have to wait until a counselor can see you, they usually make you go to their ‘group therapy’ which, in short term facilities, is pretty weak since most everyone there is exhausted and/or actually having a breakdown, but if you don’t go to groups they can mark you down as non-compliant and it’ll make it harder for you to be cleared to leave.the nurses can try to be sympathetic, but most of them have kind of reduced patients down to moving faces. they aren’t really sympathetic because to them, you’ll be gone in a few days, and your panic and fear will go away like it always does, and it’s not their problem. sure, they can handle a crisis- but they really aren’t all that kind and tend to get annoyed easily if patients don’t comply since they see so many patients they’ve stopped seeing them as individuals and just as nervous animals to be calmed, drugged, and booted out. sometimes the counselors will diagnose you with something completely off base and change all your meds before kicking you out, then you have to have everything changed back. seriously, if you don’t want to go to the groups, they make sure you know that it’ll keep you there longer. it doesn’t matter if you’re exhausted and want to rest. they made us go out and do “stretches” and lie down on linoleum. i don’t like touching the floor. they made me do it anyway. i can’t be still for long periods of time doing nothing. they made me do it anyway. granted, i was 14 and in the minors ward at that time, but still. if you’re too sick to eat, they mark it down and they’ll start breathing down your back about eating disorders. if you don’t do whatever you’re told, they usually imply you’ll have to stay longer. that’s essentially how they keep control. there’s a lot of ‘how’s your mood today’ and fake concern that hides that they’re just getting your info and wanting to move on. kids wards are especially horrible. they act like everyone there is a complete brat that is actively trying to cause trouble and they can and will make you sit in your room with nothing to do. 

also they WILL just change your medicine. the second place i went to as a minor just decided i didn’t need my stimulants, they didn’t believe in giving stimulants to people during nonwork days. they didn’t consult with me OR MY PARENTS, they just didn’t give me the medicine i’ve been on since i was five. adhd meds aren’t the types to cause withdrawal, but they keep me calm, awake, and alert, and when i’m not those things there really isn’t much being done. my mom went ballistic and pulled me out of that facility because they decided to screw with my medicine without asking anyone.

it’s pretty unanimous in any of these facilities that they think they are Always Right. ALWAYS. they can never ever be wrong. giving a 17 year old one of the most potently sedative antipsychotics out there instead of one less intense? they were absolutely in the right. thorazine WILL knock you out completely. i slept for hours on the couch in the rec room and it was my fault for not going to groups that day. 

i went to a long term facility literally a week after i turned 18. i had been told before i fit a lot of bpd symptoms and it was likely i had it, so i communicated that- i also communicated the horribly toxic and messed up friend situation i had been in the past two years, and i also communicated that i was asexual- big. mistake. they threw me into groups about healthy relationships and the counselor told me to my face that ‘sex is the most important part of intimacy’ and they kept drilling that i would forever be unhappy and toxic unless i listened and obeyed their concepts of healthy relationships and sex. again, i had literally just turned 18. most of the people in the facility had an average age of 35. i went there to process trauma and abuse and was treated like i needed to ‘get over’ my struggles in relationships- not the struggles that were actually there, like being unable to stand up for myself and communicate my needs, oh no- for my apparent resistance to intimacy and trust. those places medicalize the fuck out of being lgbtq- i had to also sit and go in depth about my dysphoria only for them to look at me funny (sorry nonbinary dysphoria weirds you out? my therapist understands it fine?) and continually gaslight me over and over about my experiences, my attraction, who i was attracted to and how- it was as though they had absolutely no idea how to interact with anyone lgbtq that wasn’t cis and gay and middle aged. i said i knew who i was: nonbinary, asexual, trans, not attracted to men: they used my close friendship that had been horribly toxic and traumatic with someone who wasn’t even a guy but who used he/him (or any) pronouns to try and convince me i was actually in love with him, because the concept of toxic friendships and relationships that aren’t romantic and are still painful exist. i still don’t know if they were trying to convince me i was a gay man or a lesbian, the trans thing confused them and they went back and forth with me not accepting my body or me not accepting being trans (i said i was trans?) if they do not immediately understand it, they want to make you say you’re something they do understand, because that way they’ll still be right. 

the gaslighting is something.a lot of these long term places (at least the one i went to) are meant for people older than the age of 35. they are meant for cishet people with depression. if you have issues that cannot be resolved with the treatment they give cishet people with depression, screw you. there WAS a trans guy in the ward who was given a decent amount of respect when they didn’t want him to talk about being trans in groups. they encouraged disclosure and they wanted to know everything. and again: you HAD to go to the groups, no matter how uncomfortable you are there. there’s not a lot of support for people who have disorders that Will Never go away- it’s just “coping strategies” for unipolar depression and anxiety and sometimes ptsd groups that i didn’t get to go to because i was too busy learning about sex and relationships. they acted like i was the one who could fix all my problems and i just needed to take charge and accept things and be kind to my inner child, but i’m a person with two personality disorders and severe dissociation. some things will NEVER go away, you can only learn how to manage symptoms as they come.and honestly i don’t think they even had very good depression and anxiety treatment. i feel bad for the people under the age of 25 who went there for depression treatment and were told it was something they could fix on their own. it’s not. 

these places are often old fashioned in that manner. the second you mention BPD, they go completely off the rails with treating you like you’re a menace to your relationships and you need to fix yourself before it’s too late. but that’s another story about how much BPD is stigmatized.  

also, they made me stay in a room with someone who snored despite the many free rooms. i know it meant ‘less rooms to clean’ but i have profound sleep issues and i’m autistic and have misophonia. i wanted to go out and sleep in on the couches in the open area but they just gave me earplugs and made me go back to bed. no sympathy. no sympathy for panic attacks or people dissociating. they shoved essential oils under my nose when i dissociated and i nearly hacked up a lung, those things are awful. 

you can’t just be left alone. you are NEVER alone, you can’t go and be quiet and be left alone, it is constant. you are stuck there and you cannot leave no matter how they attempt to sugar coat it: even if you went there willingly, they can keep you there if they say you’re a danger to yourself. they will check on you constantly if you want to be alone because you can’t want to be alone without being a danger to yourself, according to them. it’s not like people are autistic sometimes. it is IMMENSELY, unbelievably stressful. there is no being alone, they make you keep doors open, they make you viewable at all times- i can understand why, to an extent, but they have absolutely no sympathy for how you feel and don’t usually try to accommodate you either, so you just have to suffer through it. there are a million ways the rules to protect people could be better handled, but that would require being more one on one with a patient and actively being sympathetic to an individual’s needs, and you’ll just be leaving in a few weeks anyways, so why should they bother? there’s really absolutely no sympathy or compassion for the patients because they keep telling us to look at the big picture- when most of us are stuck in the here and now and the pain we are currently going through. 

anyways, i got bitter and angry, but that’s most of my experience. i have a lot of blurry memories i can’t really remember as bits and pieces, it’s all just one solid blur of six weeks of incredible stress. i hated every second and i learned absolutely nothing there because i’m not a 40 year old with depression, i was a traumatized teenager with several serious disorders. they were NOT equipped and they were stuck 30 years in the past. i was gaslit most of my time there about my relationships and my sexuality and my gender, about my illnesses and my life and my feelings- they’ll sit down and tell you in a gentle voice that you’re just stressed out and it’ll be okay, but then they don’t actually do anything to encourage that or help you be okay. they just claim to know how you feel, then insist on how you feel, then threaten you if you get mad. 

i honestly hated that place so much. there’s no compassion. they try to make it homey but it’s really just throwing a blanket on how they see the patients feelings as temporary and inconsequential.

I left learning absolutely nothing. i’ve gone further with my personal therapist than i’ve ever, ever went with the facility because she actively listens, respects, and understands me. 

there’s no respect in these places. none. they are for people with easily palatable anxiety and depression- if you have severe psychotic depression? you’re screwed. if you’re severely depressed and suicidal? you’re screwed. if you have constant panic attacks? you’re screwed. i mean the most basic concepts of those disorders, no room for anyone else. 

anyways.

as usual, reddit has a lot of first-person experiences to check out; there’s no doubt some about psych wards. this may be non conventional, but there’s a webcomic about an inpatient facility called ‘fresh meat’ that might be useful to look at. it’s about a 17 year old with depression who has to go to a psych ward. it’s really viscerally uncomfortable in all the ways these places are, and i frankly cannot recommend it enough if you want a good idea of how those places work (the author is mentally ill themself.) it made me a little ill how well it captured the dehumanization and gaslighting, even if it’s fiction, i think it’s worth a look if you want more ideas.  also check the post replies for people with their own experiences. -mod a

#psychiatric abuse tw #sex ment tw #hospitals tw #Anonymous

[bigskydreaming]

How do you tackle this set of ADD/ ADHD problems? You start writing, you veer off path, rambling now, oh no it's becoming a book have to make conscious effort to end this train of written thoughts! Vs. Revising! Editing! Going over the entire thing you wrote! I have the added bonus of skipping phrases, from one word per paragraph To Whole Sentences! And I somehow skip again during revisions. I hate it here!!

Ooof. Its not easy and takes a lot of trial and error to figure out, at least for me. Its also a big part of why my posting style is the way it is....it is really easy for me to draft and write a lot quickly, but the editing and revising process takes me SO much longer because I have to keep.....resetting my eyes back to the top as I realize halfway through editing a paragraph that I’ve gotten distracted and allowed my mind to wander even while I kept moving my eyes down the page as though that actually accomplishes any editing....lol. So I like....have to prioritize. I pretty much have to stockpile my editing/revising projects for when I can afford to devote a full day of medication to the process because like.....its one of the things that I absolutely just CAN NOT pull off when not on my medication, I just.....keep going through the motions and never quite pay enough attention to actually be worth it. 

Luckily, over the years of kinda....developing my own inadvertent coping mechanisms for my ADHD while growing up, since I didn’t get my diagnosis until much later in life, like....I somewhere along the line got pretty good at drafting things in such a way that I don’t tend to NEED a ton of edits. Like my drafts are always fairly clean and legible and say what I want them to say....they just say a lot more than I need to say too, lol. Essentially, my drafts ARE my posting style, that’s what they look like, and in my editing process, I just....take a weedwhacker and hack and slash my way through the unnecessary stuff and trim things down until I get an actual polished product.

But because like, that editing process is so, so crucial to my process and like, I HAVE to be on my meds during it and whatnot....that’s why I don’t really bother editing my posts or trying to keep them short and just....word vomit on the page whatever I’m trying to spit out as quickly as it comes and then just move on to the next thing. I could make each of my posts as polished as any fic I write, lol, its just.....in order to do that I’d end up writing 75% less than I do as is, because its not the writing that takes up my time and focus, its the editing and trimming. 

So basically I mean, for me, personally, it ultimately came down to figuring out what my personal priorities were and aligning this with my medication schedule/how fast I metabolize and building an actual writing and editing schedule and process around this, specifically in regards to Official Projects I’ve dedicated myself too.....

And then the tradeoff, the ‘sacrifice’ so to speak, in order to allow me to maximize the amount of time-while-medicated I can devote to the stuff where that’s most crucial, like editing, is that like....I give myself permission to just NOT regulate the stuff I do where ‘good enough’ will suffice. I mean, I’m perfectionist as hell, so it wasn’t easy to train myself into accepting it as a necessity, lol, but at the end of the day, like I’ve always said - my blog is just my personal thing, everything I post is stuff I just need to get out of my head and onto a page somewhere as much as it is stuff I want or need to put in front of other peoples’ eyes.....so, y’know, at the end of the day, it doesn’t HAVE to be anything other than what it is, the way I do it. I can post whatever whenever and I don’t need to be like, on my meds or on a specific schedule or routine to do stuff like this, and it occasionally grates because sometimes like when I AM on my meds and wrap up a work session early and pop on tumblr while still medicated, I look at some of my posts and I’m just like oh for fuck’s sake, why. LOL. But. Whatever. Y’know?

So that’s my advice I guess. I know the Trials of Rambling Exponential Explosion of Growth from one totally manageable idea into like, a whole fucking book when it really didn’t have to be like that, brain, and its annoying and can definitely end up cutting into your productivity despite being ironically ‘more’ productive......and for me, the answer ended up just being....to stop seeing it as a problem. Giving myself a break and not trying to tell myself it was an Issue that I needed to find a solution to, that this was me doing writing wrong and I was never gonna get anything done this way. 

And instead I just kinda....let it be what it is and found a way to repurpose my rambling kind of writing and the time/energy I’d felt was being ‘wasted’ by that, like.....instead of finding a way to stop it from happening, instead I just focused on figuring out a way to get something useful out of it when and where it does happen....when ultimately, it was going to happen no matter what. 

And that eventually ended up being like....this blog. My posting style and habits and my just...using it to burn off the more frenetic of my writing energy so that when I actually want to write in a ‘productive’ sense as in something that will be polished, that I concentrate on editing, that’s meant to not just be read but ENJOYED as a reading experience....I HAVE the time and mental space and focus and spot carved out in my medication schedule that I can devote to that, because I’m not wasting all of THAT stuff trying to just.....rework the things I crank out in my more manic-writing-sessions, like my posts, which are ‘good enough’ as is and don’t ACTUALLY need the benefit of me being on my meds or spending time editing and revising them into a more polished form....not when I don’t actually need them to be that in order to serve the function I’m intending them to be.

Basically......instead of trying to make everything I write perfect and necessitating I cut my content production in half and settle for only getting a much more finite amount of the stuff in my head that’s labeled To Be Written, like, from there and onto the page....I let the stuff that doesn’t actually need to be peffect have permission to exist just as it is the way it comes out initially, even when its all rambling and spat out in a rush...and save my polish and the physical and mental resources I need to devote to something to MAKE it polished for like.....just the stuff I really need or want to be that way in the end.

And that way, I don’t waste my time essentially just doing the same stuff twice and get to keep my production levels up to something I’m happy with instead of down where I’d constantly be kicking myself about how little content I actually manage to get out into the world and instead is just stuck up in my head driving me nuts and annoying me.

[somedayonbroadway]

After a few more weeks of intel gathering, the three are snatched and held for interrogation. They're forced to lead everyone to the base which turns out to be under an actual juvenile jail called The Refuge. The three sneak in and do their best to lure Snyder out but he already knows they've been followed so there's no way he's leaving. There's a standoff considering how many kids are in there and the only three with knowledge of the whole place are also being held captive. (Final) ~ Newsie Ano

(4/4)

TW CHILD ABUSE

Someone tell me why I love this so much.

Okay, so yes!

I’m thinking Weasel got custody of Morris and Oscar when they were little and their parents died, and he sort of just didn’t want to take care of them so he’d hand them over to Snyder. And Race’s dad is out of choice and rather than be a father and protect his son at all costs, Snyder suggests that to settle his debt he lets him have his only child and Race’s dad lets him.

It’s horrible.

When they first meet, Morris is ten, Oscar is seven and Race is four. Snyder keeps them in a locked room at night, but lets them stay together.

Morris and Oscar are there before Race for maybe a year or two. And when this tiny child is thrown into a room with them, screaming and crying for his papà, they immediately rush to try and calm him down. And Race (who’s love language is touch, btw) would be clinging to Morris and sobbing, because he’s just a little baby who’s been taken away from home and has no idea what’s going on.

As they get older and as Snyder trains them, they form a sort team. Oscar’s the techie, Morris is the bronze, and Race is the con/thief. Basically, Race is the youngest Delancey brother. (If someone wanted to draw this team, i would not be opposed 😂)

As they grow up they are treated poorly. Snyder beats them anytime they get something wrong. Morris would often take the blame for a lot of it, trying to spare his little brothers, but Race and Oscar would still get hurt very often and anytime they did get hurt, Morris would do his best to take care of them, but one time, when Race is a little older, maybe ten or eleven, Morris gets really hurt and Oscar is taken to another room because they’d almost gotten caught stealing something, so Race has to patch Morris up and it sort of just becomes the thing that he gets good at.

They are only allowed to have one first aid kit to take care of themselves they hide it to make sure it won’t get taken from them whenever Snyder gets angry with them.

I’m thinking Racer is the dreamer of this group. Morris is the realist and Oscar sort of drifts back and forth between both. Race desperately wants to find a way out of where they are. Morris is the one that believes they’ll be stuck their forever and Oscar sometimes thinks maybe it’s a possibility that they’ll be set free one day but also whenever Morris just has to be negative and unleash the reality of their situation on his brothers Oscar is always more okay with it than Race is.

Morris has made Race cry on several occasions by telling him that they had to accept that this was their life and they weren’t getting out.

Race desperately wants to just be normal. He tells Mo and Os that he’d rather his father had just given him up for adoption than send him here and that he’d be okay with just pretending for a day that he was free and able to live life like any other person (🎶JUST ONE MORNING OUT THERE, LIKE ORDINARY MEN...🎶 whoops, sorry... did I sing that out loud?) But then when he’d start to break down and realize that that may never happen, Morris would kind of just drop whatever he was doing to hold Race and tell him that at least they were together and as long as they were together Morris would make sure he was alright.

That would happen when Race is about thirteen. He’d start to kind of accept that he was meant to be Snyder’s theif after that, even though he hated it.

Also, did I forget to mention that Race has ADHD, a photographic memory and is hyper observant. Oh... and also, he always forgets to eat. Because... why not? And Morris is dyslexic and chews on his tongue when he gets nervous, sometimes drawing blood. And Oscar is OCD and has anxiety. He suffers from many panic attacks that Race gets very good at calming his down from. And Oscar hates that because he always wants to be the big brother for Race and not the other way around.

But anyways...

The cops don’t get involved until Race is fifteen, meaning Oscar is eighteen and Morris is twenty one.

Detectives Jack Kelly and Sean Conlon are partners who finally have a break in a case that they’ve been working on for months. A con artist described as young and blond and charming has been wrecking havoc all over New York, stealing quick cash, hacking bank accounts and stealing identities. He’s known by many aliases and no one knows his real name.

Eventually, they’d get a tip about where the next hit was going to be. And they’d stake out the place and Spot would make sure to distract their perp while Jack slipped a tracker into the guy’s burn phone.

They just hadn’t expected him to be so young. So after Jack planted the chip on him (a mix of a tracker and a bug) they’d let Race go, after all he hadn’t committed a serious crime, not that they could prove anyways. And they’d already be bending the rules by bugging his phone.

When they got in the car to tail him, Spot would tell Jack it couldn’t be him, because he had to just be a teenager. But Jack would say that he had this gut feeling that they needed to pursue this, so they would.

And after they followed Race to this juvenile jail, Jack would recognize it. And he’d tell Spot he’d been here as a kid (Jack was an orphan. I’m thinking he was kind of stuck there, not because he’d committed a crime, but more because they had nowhere else to put him). And he’d remember thinking the owner (Snyder) was really sketchy and was never kind to him, sometimes making him go without food and locking him in his room at night, not to mention beating him every once in a while.

They sit outside the place and listen.

Nothing happens for a long time. But then they hear people start talking. They hear someone gasp and start rummaging around for something.

Inside, Race finds Oscar laying in Morris’s lap, pretty beat up, with a decent cut across his side. And he rushes to start helping to clean up his brother. He’d run back out of the building to find the first aid kit that they’d buried outside in the back of the building. And Morris would come out behind him, carrying Oscar in his arms and Oscar would be crying on his shoulder.

Jack would move to help but Spot would stop him, telling him that there wasn’t anything they could do at the moment and that if they gave themselves away now, they wouldn’t be able to do anything later. So Jack would comply.

They’d watch Race patch Oscar up and hug the other two boys and then they’d just listen to them. Race would calm Oscar down by talking about how one day they were gonna get out of here and Morris wouldn’t disagree with him, just because he wanted Oscar to calm down.

That’s when they’d start talking about Snyder.

Spot would literally start hitting the steering wheel and scream because he was so happy they’d finally heard the name of The Spider in New York. The Spider has a web of different organizations throughout all five boroughs and they had never been able to pin anything to him. But they’re getting somewhere.

Jack and Spot would go back to the station with pictures of the three boys and they’d try to figure out who they were with facial recognition. But there would be nothing. But Jack would have a hunch. And he’d estimate their ages and ask for missing kids cases from years and years ago and that’s when they’d find them.

It would be three weeks before they were able to make contact. They’d follow Race and Morris and Oscar to a club in downtown Manhattan and they’d arrest them.

They’d separate them. Race in one car and Morris and Oscar in the other. But Morris would be fighting against them and telling them that they couldn’t separate him from Race and Race would only look borderline scared. But he’d be terrified on the inside.

When they got to the station, they’d all be separated.

And Jack would ask to be the one interrogating the youngest of all of them. And they’d let him, because they knew that Jack was good with kids whereas Spot wasn’t really. At least, not with teenagers.

Jack would buy Race a candy bar and hand it to him when he went in to question him. Race would refuse it at first but Jack would tell Race that he was shaking and that when he got hungry, his body would start shaking too instead of his stomach growling. And Race would take it. And Jack would start asking him basic questions.

Five minutes with him and Jack would know that he had ADHD and that he was hyper observant. He’d give Race a report to read and he’d watch Race read the same sentence over and over again. But Race would note that Jack was an artist and that he favored inks over paints just by a few drops of ink on Jack’s wrist.

Race would ask if his brothers were okay. And Jack would ask them if they were really his brothers and he’d say they were the closest thing he had to family. That they had been looking out for him since he was four years old. And Jack would ask him more about that.

Rather than press on who Race worked for or on what he’d stolen, he’d be trying to get to know and understand this kid. Jack would notice that Race was having trouble sitting still. He would notice that Race wouldn’t look him in the eyes. He’d notice that his nervous tick was picking at the hem of his pants.

Eventually, after talking to Jack, Race - who is still this kid who is pretty touched starved and longing for some kind of affection from someone he thought of as a father figure - would kind of just get attached to Jack. He’d start to tell Jack about Snyder a little bit. But then he would go off onto a tangent about how he’d gone into the club that Spot and Jack had been staking out and intentionally let them hug his phone in hopes that they’d get them all out of there.

Jack would ask him how he knew and Race would say that the short angrier cop (Spot) had a specific stance that gave him away. And Jack wasn’t as good a pickpocket as he was. So Race would give him a few pointers.

Jack would be amused.

Meanwhile, Morris would be demanding to be able to see his brothers. There would be a beat cop in the room to make sure he didn’t try to leave. And he’d keep trying to march out, but the beat cop, De La Guerra, would keep getting in his way and eventually have to cuff him to the table. And he wouldn’t respond well to Spot when he tried to question him.

Oscar would be a disaster in the other room. He’d be hurt from the last beating he’d had from Snyder.

He’d be crying i think. Silently, but he’d still be crying. He’d ask for Morris over and over again and ask if Racer was okay. The beat cop in there, Kasparzak, would try to calm him down.

Eventually they’d realize that Oscar needed medical treatment and would have to move him to a hospital. He had a few cracked ribs and the cut on his side hadn’t healed right.

Race would hear some commotion outside and ask Jack what was going on and Jack would tell him not to worry about it, to just stay in this room and with him and Race would hesitate, but he’d do as he was told.

Morris would break out of the room to see Oscar being wheeled away though, calling for him. And Jack would hear that and rush out to stop him and that’s when Race would see what was happening.

When Morris saw Race he’d try to rush to him, Jack would hold him back and Race would fight against Jack to hug Morris.

Jack would tell them they were still in their custody and couldn’t go with Oscar. And Race would say that he wasn’t letting go of Morris so Jack would cave and let them both stay in the same room.

In order to get a deal of any kind for all the crimes they’d committed, according to Spot, they’d have to give up Snyder. And Race would say he’d do it before Morris said he wouldn’t let him.

So they’d end up going together, wearing wires and cameras. And Jack would know it was risky to do this but they’d send them back into the Refuge and Race and Morris would trying to get Snyder to give something up.

When Snyder figured out what was going on, he’d immediately go for Race and hold him to his chest with a gun at his head and Morris would start begging him not to do anything.

Jack and Spot would rush in and other officers would rush to get the kids out of the Refuge. They’d end up in the basement where Snyder was holding Race with an arm around his neck and pointing a gun at Morris’s head.

Jack would have gone into the room alone. He’d discretely ger Snyder to turn his back to the door so that Spot could sneak up on him and he’d grab Morris as soon as he could and pull him behind him. But Snyder would go to shoot Race and Spot would have to shoot him from behind.

They’d end up getting out of there. Snyder would be taken to the ICU and Race and Morris would be allowed to see Oscar in the hospital who would jump up and hug them the second he saw them.

Being that they were forced to commit all these crimes against their will, they would be on parole. They’d have mandatory court appointed therapy sessions. Race would be told he’d have to be put in the system and he’d get upset and start clinging to Morris when they tried to tell him he wouldn’t be able to stay with them.

So Jack would end up taking him in.

Also, if anyone is asking:

Crutchie is forensics in this one.

Davey is a lawyer.

Katherine is still a reporter.

Pulitzer is the chief of police.

And Medda is Jack’s adoptive mamma.

I. Love. This. So. Much.

It’s brilliant. Thank you so much, Newsies Anon!

#newsies #angst #delancey redemption #morris delancey #oscar delancey #jack kelly #racetrack higgins #spot conlon #crutchie morris #david jacobs #katherine plumber #elmer kasprzak #jojo de la guerra #joseph pulitzer #crime au #tw child abuse #tw child abandonment #warden snyder #the refuge #anonymous #anon #anon response #adhd #hyper observant #ocd #anxiety #much love #newsie anon #detective au

[weekendwarriorblog]

The 30 Minute Experiment: Fear

Probably the hardest part of doing this experiment is that I consciously have to ignore everything else going on around me to make 30 minutes of uninterrupted time to write, so we’ll see how that works out, knowing how bad my ADHD can be at times. That said, let’s do this...

So anyway... today’s topic is “FEAR” and it’s actually the topic I wanted to write about that started this whole project experiment since I wanted to write something titled, “How to Overcome Fear,” because I felt that it was something I could handle to maybe help others out there.  You see, I have a lot of people I know and love, as well as good friends, people who I admire for their strength and ability to handle anything, succumbing to the worst possible fears that anyone could possibly deal with. It’s surprised and shocked me and even saddened me a bit, because suddenly I find myself being one of the most calm and reasonable people in my immediate circles... and yes, THAT is something that people should be fearing.

I’m sure some people think that i’m taking far too cavalier attitude about this pandemic, but in fact, I’m always super-careful about germs and stuff since I spent most of 2013-2014 being in that exact same place where I was so worried about getting germs or getting sick since in that case, I literally could have ended up back in the hospital or even dead. I won’t get too much into my diagnosis with leukemia in 2013 or the stem cell transplant or my year back in New York City in 2014. Some of you already know about it. Some of you don’t. It’s a topic I can cover in full sometime down the road, even though it’s something I’ve written about a lot. But it’s very much related to this FEAR I talk about and that i’m seeing all around me right now. You see, after I got my stem cell transplant in October 2013, my immune system was reset back to zero. I literally could catch any possible disease I encountered from polio to measles to anything that anyone someone may have an immunity to due to vaccines we’re supposed to get as children. I didn’t get my new vaccines until October 2015. Even though I was in this state and was already dealing with the possibility of getting sick while being treated in Columbus, Ohio, I was hell bent on getting back to my life and apartment in NYC. (And if you saw my apartment then and even now and realized that part of my leukemia may have been brought on by the conditions I was living in for 20 years, YOU would have been fearful of LETTING me come back to that apartment let alone lived there yourself under similar circumstances.) I had to come back to New York. Living in Ohio with my mother (mostly being sequestered as most of us are now) was driving me crazy as was my lack of independence and inability to go out to do the things I loved so much. If I was my doctor, I probably wouldn’t allow it, but we made a deal and that was that I would spend 100 days after my transplant before even asking about returning to NYC.

Knowing what I knew about my condition, I relented and though my planned return was sidelined by a week, I came back to NYC at almost 107 day and while I didn’t come into my apartment (my brother and a couple hired hands spent a couple days cleaning it up and putting things in boxes, etc.) I was absolutely PETRIFIED of getting sick while being in NYC. I was wearing a mask and gloves everywhere but I was also worried that I might forget something and I had lists that I was checking and double-checking regularly. God bless my brother for putting up with me cause every time we left the very small hotel room that I had rented for our stay, I was taking forever to make sure I was ready as I checked and double checked everything, made sure i was being safe, etc. etc. I should also mention that in the week when I returned, my brother and I went to see the Pixies out in Newark, and I’m pretty sure we took a busy rush hour train to get out there and I probably wore my mask for a lot of it. Mind you, I hadn’t seen a concert in over 10 months and that was part of what was driving me crazy.

But the point is that I had this incredible fear that had been put into me from the doctors and everything I read, and that fear was much about having to go back into the hospital as it was of getting sick. I spent so much of 2013 in hospitals and for someone who had spent 20 years avoiding doctors and hospitals, it was not a fun experience.  Sure, I did get sick a few times in the couple years since I got back and I did have to go to the ER for a few less-than-fun experiences, but the important thing is that A.) I pushed myself to overcome my fears and B.) I allowed my new immune system to do what it was meant to do... build up its immunities and the anbibodies needed to take on any germ or virus or disease that was thrown at me. 

Part of this may have seemed reckless to some and maybe still does, but you know what? IT WAS NECESSARY. Because the only thing worse than actual death is FEAR.

Think about it. What is the worst thing that can happen to you if you get COVID? Yes, you will die. What is the second worst thing? You will get very sick and be miserable, maybe you’ll have to go the hospital and spend some time in a ventilator and the... you will die. Or maybe you’ll contract it, not know it, not get any symptoms, and then give it to someone you like or love and then they’ll give it to someone they like or love and then maybe they’ll be put through it. Those are all viable fears to a point.

A little bit of fear is good, but what’s bad is the completely out-of-control and unreasoning fear of everything and everyone that has become even more contagious than the virus that everyone is afraid of. The stuff I’ve heard and read in the last couple weeks from people I consider reasonable, logical and yes, STRONG, makes me wonder whether FEAR really has won.

Let’s think back. Remember when 9/11 happened and everyone was suddenly afraid of terrorists and every time there’s been a mass shooting and everyone was afraid to go to movie theaters, concerts, etc? But somehow, we got over those fears and we went back to movie theaters and concerts and trust me, getting blown up in a high-rise building or being riddled with AR-15 bullets would probably be a LOT worse than suffering from fevers, the inability to breathe, hacking cough and some of the worst aspects of COVID (and I say this only to those of you who are healthy and young... not my older friends and those who are currently fighting other conditions or immuno-compromised). Being in or around the World Trade Center on 9/11 meant a much faster death and for the 3,000 people who did die that day, they probably had no time or warning to prepare at all. They were just going about their everyday lives when the first plane hit and then the second... and you probably know or have heard the rest. 

Make no mistake. It was a horrible day and so have been all the other days when people died from senseless violence, and in most of those cases, they didn’t have a way to prepare or fight back. 

With COVID, we KNOW how to defeat it, we have the tools. We have the weapons, and we have the knowledge. Sure, there are still many unknown aspects to it that scientists and doctors with bigger brains than you or I are figuring out, but ... and I’m going to try to put this as nicely as possible... WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FEARING THE UNKNOWN?

That is exactly what is going on right now. People aren’t sure of what is happening right now, what is going to happen tomorrow or a month from now, so they’re spending all their time worrying and fretting to a point where they’re unable to function. I’m not saying that I’m better than that, but I’m also being a realist here. The chances of me walking out my front door after taking all sorts of precautions and contracting COVID are probably less chances than me actually winning the Powerball the few times I’ve played it over the years. The chances of me having a pizza delivered and the COVID-infected delivery guy passing it onto me are only slightly higher.

I live in New York City... in CHINATOWN, no less... and I was doing a lot of stuff just before the governor closed the valve that totally should have had me infected but other than a small cough that lasted maybe an hour and some dry eyes, I haven’t shown a single symptom in the three weeks I have now been quarantined.  But when I need something from outside, I either go out to get it or I order it (in terms of food delivery), because the other option is sitting in my own filth like Howard Hughes (without his money) and worrying and fretting and being fearful of the unknown.  (Heck, New Yorkers generally do this every day ANYWAY, so this time should be no different than any others.)

The thing is that if I chose to live my life in fear, I would still be living in Columbus, Ohio with my mother, not being able to get out and do the things I love to do. I wouldn’t be able to read comics or go to concerts, let alone the movies that I like to watch and write about. 

As I end today’s 30 minute experiment, which I hope hasn’t come across more like a 30 minute lecture, think abut this for yourself. (Yes, there will be some home work for those who choose to read this far.)

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? WHAT IS THE FEAR THAT IS OVERWHELMING YOU?

Are you afraid to die? Fair. Are you afraid to get someone else sick or possibly kill them? Also fair. Are you afraid of getting yourself sick? Sure, that’s also fair.

But don’t let that FEAR rule your ilfe and every decision you make because the reality is that as long as you’re not going out and hanging out with hundreds of people you don’t know or going out and randomly French kissing anyone you meet on the street. (I wouldn’t put that past some of you!!!)  Then guess what? You’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine as long as we’re careful. Don’t let the FEAR of whatever you’re afraid of be worse than the actual virus.  My time is up now (I actually forgot to set my time) so until tomorrow.... 

This has been today’s 30 Minute Experiment.

#30MinuteExperiment FEAR

[expatimes]

How to Fall Asleep Fast in 10, 60, or 120 Seconds

The fastest way to sleep?

Spending more time trying to fall asleep rather than actually sleeping? You’re not alone.

Just the act of trying too hard can cause (or continue) a cycle of anxious, nerve-wracking energy that keeps our minds awake.

And if your mind can’t sleep, it’s really difficult for your body to follow. But there are scientific tricks you can try to flip the switch and guide your body into a safe shutdown mode.

We cover some science-based tricks to help you fall asleep faster.

It usually takes a magic spell to fall asleep this quickly and on cue, but just like spells, with practice you can eventually get to the sweet 10-second spot.

Note: The method below takes a full 120 seconds to finish, but the last 10 seconds is said to be truly all it takes to finally snooze.

The military method

The popular military method, which was first reported by Sharon Ackerman, comes from a book titled “Relax and Win: Championship Performance.”

According to Ackerman, the United States Navy Pre-Flight School created a routine to help pilots fall asleep in 2 minutes or less. It took pilots about 6 weeks of practice, but it worked — even after drinking coffee and with gunfire noises in the background.

This practice is said to even work for people who need to sleep sitting up!

The military method

Relax your entire face, including the muscles inside your mouth.

Drop your shoulders to release the tension and let your hands drop to the side of your body.

Exhale, relaxing your chest.

Relax your legs, thighs, and calves.

Clear your mind for 10 seconds by imagining a relaxing scene.

If this doesn’t work, try saying the words “don’t think” over and over for 10 seconds.

Within 10 seconds, you should fall asleep!

If this doesn’t work for you, you may need to work on the foundations of the military method: breathing and muscle relaxation, which have some scientific evidence that they work. Also, some conditions such as ADHD or anxiety may interfere with this method’s effectiveness.

Keep reading to learn about the techniques this military method is based on and how to practice them effectively.

These two methods, which focus on your breathe or muscles, help you take your mind off topic and back to bed.

If you’re a beginner trying these hacks out, these methods may take up to 2 minutes to work.

4-7-8 breathing method

Mixing together the powers of meditation and visualization, this breathing method becomes more effective with practice. If you have a respiratory condition, such as asthma or COPD, consider checking with your doctor before beginning, as this could aggravate your symptoms.

To prepare, place the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, behind your two front teeth. Keep your tongue there the whole time and purse your lips if you need to.

How to do one cycle of 4-7-8 breathing:

Let your lips part slightly and make a whooshing sound as you exhale through your mouth.

Then close your lips and inhale silently through your nose. Count to 4 in your head.

Then hold your breath for 7 seconds.

After, exhale (with a whoosh sound) for 8 seconds.

Avoid being too alert at the end of each cycle. Try to practice it mindlessly.

Complete this cycle for four full breaths. Let your body sleep if you feel relaxation coming on earlier than anticipated.

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR)

Progressive muscle relaxation, also known as deep muscle relaxation, helps you unwind.

The premise is to tense — but not strain — your muscles and relax to release the tension. This movement promotes tranquility throughout your body. It’s a trick recommended to help with insomnia.

Before you start, try practicing the 4-7-8 method while imagining the tension leaving your body as you exhale.

Relaxation script

Raise your eyebrows as high as possible for 5 seconds. This will tighten your forehead muscles.

Relax your muscles immediately and feel the tension drop. Wait 10 seconds.

Smile widely to create tension in your cheeks. Hold for 5 seconds. Relax.

Pause 10 seconds.

Squint with your eyes shut. Hold 5 seconds. Relax.

Pause 10 seconds.

Tilt your head slightly back so you’re comfortably looking at the ceiling. Hold 5 seconds. Relax as your neck sinks back into the pillow.

Pause 10 seconds.

Keep moving down the rest of the body, from your triceps to chest, thighs to feet.

Let yourself fall asleep, even if you don’t finish tensing and relaxing the rest of your body.

As you do this, focus on how relaxed and heavy your body feels when it’s relaxed and in a comfortable state.

If the previous methods still didn’t work, there might be an underlying blockage you need to get out. Try these techniques!

Tell yourself to stay awake

Also called paradoxical intention, telling yourself to stay awake may be a good way to fall asleep faster.

For people — especially those with insomnia — trying to sleep can increase performance anxiety.

Research has found that people who practiced paradoxical intention fell asleep faster than those who didn’t. If you often find yourself stressed out about trying to sleep, this method may be more effective than traditional, intentional breathing practices.

Visualize a calm place

If counting activates your mind too much, try engaging your imagination.

Some say that visualizing something can make it real, and it’s possible this works with sleep, too.

In a 2002 study from the University of Oxford, researchers found that people who engaged in “imagery distraction” fell asleep faster than those who had general distraction or no instructions.

Image distraction

Instead of counting sheep, try to imagine a serene setting and all the feelings that go with it. For example, you can imagine a waterfall, the sounds of echoing, rushing water, and the scent of damp moss. The key is to let this image take up space in your brain to prevent yourself from “re-engaging with thoughts, worries, and concerns” pre-sleep.

Acupressure for sleep

There’s not enough research to confidently determine if acupressure truly works. However, the research that’s available is promising.

One method is to target areas you know and feel are particularly tense, such as the upper part of your nose bridge or your temples.

However, there are also specific points in acupressure that are reported to help with insomnia. Here are three you can do without sitting up:

1. Spirit gate

The technique

Feel for the small, hollow space under your palm on your pinky side.

Gently apply pressure in a circular or up-and-down movement for 2 to 3 minutes.

Press down the left side of the point (palm facing) with gentle pressure for a few seconds, and then hold the right side (back-of-hand facing).

Repeat on the same area of your other wrist.

2. Inner frontier gate

The technique

On one palm facing up, count three finger-widths down from your wrist crease.

With your thumb, apply a steady downward pressure between the two tendons.

You can massage in circular or up-and-down motion until you feel your muscles relax.

3. Wind pool

The technique

Interlock your fingers together (fingers out and palms touching) and open up your palms to create a cup shape with your hands.

Position your thumbs at the base of your skull, with thumbs touching where your neck and head connect.

Apply a deep and firm pressure, using circular or up-and-down movements to massage this area.

Breathe deeply and pay attention to how your body relaxes as you exhale.

If you’ve tried these methods and are still finding yourself unable to fall asleep in 2 minutes or less, see if there are other tips you can take to make your bedroom a more sleep-friendly place.

Have you tried…

hiding your clock

taking a warm shower before bed

opening the window to keep your room cool

wearing socks

a gentle 15-minute yoga routine

placing your phone far away from your bed

aromatherapy (lavender, chamomile, or clary sage)

eating earlier to avoid stomach digestion or stimulation before bed

If you find the atmosphere in your room to be damaging to your sleep, there are tools you can use to block out the noise. Literally.

Try investing in blackout curtains, white noise machines (or listening to music with an auto-stop timer), and ear plugs, all of which you can buy online.

On the other hand, sleep hygiene, or clean sleep, is real and effective.

Before you truly take on the military method or 4-7-8 breathing, see what you can optimize to your bedroom for soundless slumber.

Christal Yuen is an editor at Healthline who writes and edits content revolving around sex, beauty, health, and wellness. She’s constantly looking for ways to help readers forge their own health journey. You can find her on Twitter.

#covid19 Read full article: https://expatimes.com/?p=12884&feed_id=12438

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