#this is so fucking huge for me

[givemethedamnflowers]

I JUST SENT MY FULL THESIS TO MY SUPERVISOR FOR A FINAL PROOFREADING

#this is so fucking huge for me #i've been workign on it for 3 years #this was so long it's not just a thesis to me it's 3 years of my life it was a journey #between when i started and now i had a couple mental breakdowns #discovered i had adhd #worked as a polyvalent employee got promotes as manager then quit to work the internship of my dreams #learned to crochet #im just not the same person now than when i started #this thesis really represent a whole ass personnal journey and it means so much to me #eno's dumb little posts

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[prettyysavagee]

Let me be your fantasy 🥀

#curvy and cute #hot as fuck #let’s talk #cute #sexy content #sexy pose #sexy tease #so hot and sexy #so hot 🔥🔥🔥 #18+ content #just girly things #thick and juicy #thick babe #thickwomen #trending #touch me #sexy titts #big bootie #natural titts #big tiddy committee #big tiddy baby #huge titts #perfect breast #lets chat #lets play #sexy chick #girls who smoke weed #fine as fuck #im just a girl #hot nude

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X' #and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!'' #babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness'' #it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!'' #& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell? #you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse? #but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck? #your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross? #HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like. #anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

[arundolyn]

today i bring you aba stimming. tomorrow? who knows

#aba #paracelsus #guilty gear #guilty gear strive #crow.gif #guilty gif #i love her so bad. fucked up silly little girlthing #huge fan of her and her illness #just hanging around. being sillay #took way too long to notice her shirt is pants it made me giggle. just chopped up some shorts and went Yeah thats a shirt #50 notes in under 20 minutes. i see were all not okay here JFJSJJFX

[brother-emperors]

something. about. the horror of being sent on an impossible (death) quest and obligations and hospitality politics. the trauma of not having a home, and then the trauma of being in a house that becomes actively hostile to you, one that would swallow you whole and spit out your bones if you step out of line. all of this is conditional, your existence continues to be something men want gone.

it's about going back as far as I can with the perseus narrative because there's always a version of a myth that exists behind the one that survives. the missing pieces are clearly defined, but the oldest recorded version of it isn't there! and there's probably something older before that!! but it's doomed to forever be an unfilled space, clearly defined by an outline of something that was there and continues to be there in it's absence.

and love. it's also about love. even when you had nothing, you had love.

on the opposite side of the spectrum, this is Not About Ovid Or Roman-Renaissance Reception, Depictions And Discourses On The Perseus Narrative.

edit: to add to the above, while it's not about Ovid, because I'm specifically trying to peel things back to the oldest version of this story, Ovid is fine. alterations on the Perseus myth that give more attention Medusa predate Ovid by several centuries. this comic is also not about those, either! there are many versions of this story from the ancient world. there is not one singular True or Better version, they're all saying something.

Perseus, Daniel Ogden

Anthology of Classical Myth: Primary Sources in Translation, edited & translated by Stephen M Trzaskoma, R. Scott Smith, Stephen Brunet

#it's all greek to me #perseus #danae #komiks tag #long post #every other week i start to say something about how greek heroes are a good case study in diaspora and exile trauma #but man perseus makes me so sad. so does danae. she loves her son :( #perseus turning a whole island to stone is a huge mood. i would also do that if i were him #anyway (salutes) take care everyone i gotta watch yunho's new video it looks like a fucking movie im so excited #(i singled out ovid bc i remember the fucking shit perseus discourse that ran through this site. i remember #im preemptively loading a gun and pointing at it before it can touch this post #it hasn't died out either i see it on twitter all the time in the most ANNOYING ways possible i am TIRED #esp bc they're actually doing medusa a narrative disservice like congrats! you made it worse! stop telling me it's better!!!!)

[miladasmith]

Can I be your pillow?✨

#clean titts #tittiporn #bouncing titts #great breasts #hot breast #hot titts #huge titts #jiggling titts #lovely breasts #massive breasts #natural titts #tittituesday #sexy titts #saggy titts #mature breasts #perfect breast #huge natural breasts #sexy breast #hot babygirl #so hot 🔥🔥🔥 #hook me up #so hot and sexy #sexy content #sexy pose #naugthy girl #suckable nips #big tiddy committee #so fuckable #hot as fuck #sex me up

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in alt text, transcripts for comics also found there!]

🎉🎇HAPPY NEW YEAR!🎇🎉

Sure was a year...This is just me taking the end of year opportunity to post the various DC comics doodles that have been gathering dust in my files! Disclaimer that I'm a heathen who mostly reads batfam comics (and also a lot of. Sidekick-y stuff? Like YJ98) and these are all for fun! (Image #3 is a direct adaptation of this text post I made)

#dc comics #dc #cassandra cain #damian wayne #roy harper #lian harper #cassie sandsmark #maya ducard #flatline dc #kathy branden #...im hesitant to tag steph bc i feel like everytime i tag her the post refuses to show in her tag #stephanie brown #anyway yeah uhhh recently bought the yj98 omnibus (IT'S FUCKING HUGE) so that's why cassie redesign #years and years ago i posted a draft of a cassie redesign that's like. similar to what i have but i vastly prefer this version #OH! #i forgot to tag stephcass :( #whoopsie #but yeah i did a lot of steph reading this year (STILL SO MUCH TO DO) and ouughh boy. she's had her claws in my brain ever since #damian and dick are there. nough said #<- I'm extremely mentally ill about them there's just still a lot for me to read. i have nightwing rebirth with them! and some early b&r 09 #also robin 2021 issue. 4? i wanna say? the one where dick gives damian his bday present. makes me cry like a pressure washer #also I'm so sorry if I've somehow managed to (in my extremely limited presentation of them) present roy and lian as ooc in anyway #I've only read arsenal 1998 bc it was a mini. hit or miss but it did imprint a love of roy and lian on me #I'm only semi following the current green arrow run rn mostly for those 2 #(also sidenote the guy who writes current GA is ALSO writing B&R AND SUPERMAN??? AND A G.I JOE COMIC????- #-girl say what you want about his work it's a miracle any of it is comprehensible at all w/ all those titles going on) #(he said he's not sure how long he'll stay on GA tho. I'm also low-key not sure how long he'll stay on B&R- #-though i imagine it'll be at least a years worth bc he said that's how much notes he has for plot? also idk if many other writers at dc- #-are interested in damian rn especially next to Bruce) #HOO this got away from me I'm outta tags. uhhhh see u guys in 2014! woo!

[mayasaura]

I don't wanna further hijack that poor poll, but the thing about Harrow's schizophrenia is that it's canon. The author has confirmed it, and shared that it's based on her own experience.

It's a pretty obscure bit of canon, so of course there's no shame in not already knowing, but that's why I'm so obnoxiously persistent about letting people know.

Whatever else is up with Harrow, autism or cptsd or any number of likely headcanons, she is also schizophrenic. I feel like that's too important to be handwaved away as a difference of opinion.

#like of course not everyone knows I'm not the kind of asshole who gets mad about someone not having heard about an unrecorded con panel #not knowing is one thing #erasing or ignoring that aspect of her is something completely different #like yeah she's incredibly relateable in that way #and I know how comforting it can be to project your own dx onto someone and go 'wow shes just like me fr' #but I really feel like doing that re: Harrow's schizophrenia is a huge lost opportunity for growth #and I hate that the takeaway for so many people is 'Harrow is autistic' #and not 'oh cool didn't know autism and schizophrenia had so much overlap in experience' #relate to psychotic people without flinching challenge #anyway. tl;dr: #if you didn't already know then I have the coolest new fun fact about Harrow to share with you!! #if you do already know but have elicted to ignore it then a little bit fuck you actually #but I will ALWAYS assume someone didn't know before assuming they're being a dick #the locked tomb #harrow nonagesimus #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth

[drowsywaifu]

Hope you’re into slim thick nerdy girls 💕

#me #curvy #sexy tease #onlyfans tease #18+ only #so hot 🔥🔥🔥 #hot as fuck #sexy titts #hot nude #latina #cutie w a bootie #girl butts #thick and juicy #thickaf #huge butt #phat ass latina #curvy body #onlyf@nz #18+ content #beauttiful girls

[prettyysavagee]

Put your lips on my body💋

#curvy and cute #hot as fuck #let’s talk #sexy content #cute #sexy pose #sexy tease #so hot and sexy #so hot 🔥🔥🔥 #18+ content #fine as fuck #natural titts #thick and juicy #trending #touch me #kiss me #big tiddy committee #girls who smoke weed #sexy titts #huge titts #huge tiddies #tittiporn #hot nude #sexy chick #curvy body #thick babe #im just a girl #amazing body #amor #love

[theonewhowails]

silly stuff i drew while reading Feel No Evil by @payasita , in which the Lamb does not know how to propose, Narinder does not know how to be alive, and neither of them knows what an obligate carnivore is

bonus? lmao

#my art #cotl #i am looking into your soul with my huge autistic eyes. read this fic right now. blease #hksfdjghdfghldkfg im sorry it just fucking kills me that for the first 4ish chapters narinder is just. so nasty #like all the followers are like There He Is. The Leader's Favorite Guy. and its this filthy half-dead cat that hasnt bathed in 10+ years #like he has hardly eaten the entire time he's been mortal and he looks like absolute dogshit #and their unbeatable normally serene and gracious leadergod is hovering around his stinky ass like omg nari hiiiiii #its fucking hilarious to me. and also heartwrenching bc this fic does also get into how hard it is to be alive when uve never learned how #gonna draw the twins desperately bringing him soap later i just had so many things i wanted to draw for this

[favroitecrime]

Palestinian freedom fighters breaking out of Gaza and reclaiming their occupied territories. They’ve taken over israeli tanks and have chased out the settlers that were on that land. They’ve launched rockets everywhere and the iron dome has failed to intercept. This is about to mark a momentous event in history.

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.

#free palestine #it feels so surreal and so shocking #there’s so much hope but so much fear #you just know they’re about to retaliate with the genocide they’ve been planning for years now #i fear for my palestinian brothers and sisters but this is so fucking huge #they tore down part of the barbed wire fence!!!! the people of Gaza are breaking out!!!! #god there’s so much more on twitter but i beg if you look do NOT look at non-palestinian sources #they’re twisting the narrative as if this isn’t retaliation for 76 years of torture #as if the israeli forces and settlers didn’t kill 4 palestinians yesterday alone #as if they haven’t killed nearly 300 palestinians this year alone #do NOT let the media trick you into thinking anything after will be a retaliation to an attack Palestine started #PALESTINE is the one retaliating #also if you’re gonna come in here with both sides or whatever sincerely block me and lmk so i can blokc you #they’ve already out out statements to leave children and the elderly alone so any middle aged fuckers are free to kill :) #which is fine since they’ve likely killed hundreds if not thousands of their friends and family and neighbors anyway #tag: important #fuck israel #gaza #tag: october 7 2023