#this is less personal ramblings and more of a thought through post to make my stance clear

[todayisafridaynight]

I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:

I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]

This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing

This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me

Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.

With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…

It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.

Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.

To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.

It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]

When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.

And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…

It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.

I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.

So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.

And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.

Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.

To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…

Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.

But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.

So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.

And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?

Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…

Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…

Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]

To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.

He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.

Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…

As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.

Self-destructiveness

It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.

I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.

I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.

From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.

Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad

I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."

Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")

Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.

Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.

I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.

Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]

I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…

Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]

Lol

Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity

Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]

Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately

That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.

This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.

Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.

High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks

I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.

Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)

Lol…

Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others

Lmao Even…

Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)

I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.

Abandonment issues

Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.

Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place

Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG

Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]

Rofl Perhaps…

Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]

He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.

Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)

Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.

Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")

The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.

[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard

EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…

......

... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao

ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE

#long post #cw csa #doublin up to add cw warnins in the tags just in case <3 lemme know if i should throw more tags down here..... im bad at cw tags.... #i forget my bookmark tag for asks from you i stg if i cant find this ask in the future im kmsing (in minecraft) immediately #snap chats #THE SNORT I MADE AT THE DEADPAN 'LOL'☠️ maybe i SHOULDVE put text In The Main Text i have A Lot of Thoughts.. #im leavin the main text empty since. ngl i was just gonna compare/contrast to myself again... and say a lot of what weve said b4.. #UNFORTUNATELY a lot of the things listed here uhmmmm Hm <3 Uh Oh <3 i do understand. Dare I Say personally. just a bit #I DO HAVE TO DISCLAIM ive never been a survivor of THOSE circumstances or really. any abuse tbh- brain just sucks and im a baby #and i cant say no BUT ANYWAY I HAVE REASONS FOR BEIN AN EGOTIST I SWEAR its cause I Somewhat had those exps/i understand them #i can REAAAALLLYY easily see where your points are coming from.... very easily even... like very in-depth.. #even if i didnt cry bout spilled milk every other day it IS clear to see the signs of abuse in sawashiro once you know them #i've def talked bout those aspects of him whether in tag rambles or in streams or have Attempted to express it via fics #so really the bits to chew on for me esp this time round is the more CSA aspects #tbh when it comes to bein unable to see him intimate or 'underdressed' i agree: incredibly hard for me to imagine #the thing with 'symptoms' of abuse is that they kinda overlap i guess ?? #in that regard it can either be a need to impress or protect himself/needing to be seen less #when it comes to doing certain things because of CSA i could see it as a result of another abuse too. if that makes sense #THOUGH THAT ISNT TO DISCREDIT THE IDEA nono cause there still exists the Now That I Think About It circumstances of masato #even if we look at it through Western Norms(TM) two- essentially homeless- kids having. A Kid is still bizarre #cause again teen pregnancies generally happen as a result of Bein Irresponsible With A Schoolmate- not that other situations cant exist #but thats the most common innit so. def an aspect to consider. All Things Considered. esp jo's self-separation from ikumi #BUT YEAH i feel like if i try to respond im just gonna end up typing up a textbook bout abuse since. UNFORTUNATELY #childhood psychology is my field of interest. and aint no one readin THAT phat thing. esp when ill prob repeat myself or you ☠️ #tbh remindin meself of when i said id write psyche papers on mine and/or jo.... oops 👀💋👀 savin this to steal notes from LOL #i hope yo know i WAS thoroughly intrigued reading this. As Ive Said childhood psyche is Literally My Field and this is v thorough and good #so im always interested in readin bout How X Caused Y in Z... very interesting many MANY things to think about.. ty... #forever cursed to be an idiot cause i really wish i could talk better and say somethin of substance.. ik you said its fine but still.. #im always open to chat bout this more if youd like PLEASE dont think my lack of Main Text is disinterest Im Just Stupid. But We Know That

[micer2012]

a reflection on MatPat's plagiarism

Hello, my name is Della, or micer2012, and 2 years ago Game Theory plagiarized three Tumblr posts of mine, making a video that now holds almost 6 million views.

My posts explaining his plagiarism made their rounds on Reddit, Tumblr and Twitter, but despite the Hermits and Pooka commenting on it (generally in support of me or saying they don’t know enough details about the situation to say either way), MatPat and his team have never owned up to anything, and no mention of my name is present on the video. The one Reddit post they made denying it (which was made before my detailed takedown, which they have never responded to (though the mods on the r/GameTheorists Reddit were kind and made sure it stayed up)) didn’t even mention me by name, just referring to me as “a tumblr user”. (Though one of the screenshotted comments in the body of the post does say my name)

This experience was baffling, but it’s overall had a positive impact on my life. r/Hermitcraft gave me a Golden Apple Award (post of the year, 2021). My inbox was filled with excited fans, wanting to ask me questions or pose their own theories, far more than the hate I got. (Though the hate I got from Game Theory fans was VERY funny. I wondered why none of them gave me shit about saying “MatPat misgendered Evil Xisuma” before realizing none of them read that far into the post.)

And getting on a more personal, and much more important note, I met most of my current online friends through this, including my partner. It helped me grow closer with my irl friends as well and gave me an entertaining story that I tell whenever I have the chance. It was one of the first things in my life that really made me feel like my talents, my autistic hyperfocusing and analyzing of things I love, could be valuable. Useful. Exploitable. It blew my mind that MatPat thought an autistic kid’s ramblings about a Minecraft Youtube joke character were good enough to steal. To put an audible sponsorship on. To get 6 million views off of.

And that’s why I’m writing this post, this update years later. As you might’ve been able to guess, Hbomberguy’s Youtube video on plagiarism reopened this wound. It was really hard for me to sit through, it took days of pausing and taking breaks, because I had experienced everything he was talking about firsthand. 

In my 10 page long takedown post, I wrote about how his rewording of my sentences made him say things that were incorrect, just like Filip did. The content farm production style that made big companies like Cinemassacre take one creator (AVGN/MatPat) and turn him and his content into a brand, a voice that reads out scripts by other people with other opinions/theories, is a history shared with Game Theory. What really hit me was Harris talking about how big creators only do this to people they think they can get away with doing it to. How they view their victims as lesser, as not deserving of their words, repackaging them as their own to give to an audience that can gain from hearing them, but deserves better than to have to listen to the original victim.

That’s the thing, I 100% think a video version of my theory to expose to a bigger community than “Evil Xisuma Fans on Tumblr” is a great idea!! Near the end of the video Harris talks about how video adaptations of things could be a great market, even an accessibility tool, and I completely feel that about my posts. I wrote them quickly assuming the reader was someone well versed on Evil Xisuma lore, after not even watching most of the CarnEvil series, and the diagrams I made to explain them are even less comprehensible. Harris makes a joke that I completely agree with, 

“I’m sure some of my videos would do very well if someone translated them into English.”

I don’t think I would’ve ever made my posts if I didn’t have autism, and a special fixation on Evil Xisuma and Hermitcraft. I made them because I felt the character was being done an injustice, and because I wanted to share with other superfans this theory that might explain it away. I do think that MatPat plagiarizing me was ableist. I used to wonder a lot if this would’ve happened if my posts were articulated better, if they had been peer reviewed, if the posts themselves had been spread to a wider audience before MatPat made his video. At one point when the discourse was fresh (before I had the time to write out my 10 page rebuttal), a bigger YouTuber (100k subs at the time) messaged me and started talking on Discord, interested in possibly making a video on the discourse, but I think my style of typing and general enthusiasm drove him away. You can tell by a single look at my blog (or my original 3 posts!) that I don’t usually type like this. This post you’re reading now has been peer reviewed and edited, and took me hours to format correctly. That video could’ve been huge, the entire outcome of this MatPat situation would probably be much different.

I also used to stress a lot about “being the one who ruined Evil Xisuma’s story”. If you didn’t know, to me S8 Evil Xisuma’s story got wrapped up pretty quickly and unsatisfying (in my personal autistic opinion). (though this might’ve been due to s8 being experimental and ending early with moon big) There was no real culmination of the plot points and arcs going on, and I don’t want to blame myself, but when Xisuma said on stream (when the MatPat thing was first going on) that he didn’t want to focus on the discourse or draw more attention to it, it makes a lot of sense to me that he just wanted to wrap it all up as quickly as possible. For a while I beat myself up about it, of ruining the story of this character I love, but it’s not my fault. If anyone’s, it’s MatPats, but I don’t think it’s useful to just blame someone else. That’s how the story ended up going, and that’s fine. This is Evil Xisuma we’re talking about, their inconsistent lore is what made them such an interesting character. And notably, Pooka made an animation with an awesome culmination of Jeff, the Dreamer, Evil Xisuma, and his own sona’s story, and it makes me so happy to watch. Whatever Pooka does is of course his own choice, but I’m glad he got to give this personal story his own ending (if it is an ending, and not just the start of a new chapter!). 

Typing this all out and getting it off my chest has made me feel a lot better. For a while I wanted to make my OWN video essay about Evil Xisuma’s lore and CarnEvil’s lore, actually going episode by episode to explain it instead of just assuming you knew as much about Evil Xisuma as I did. That idea is still not off the table, but MCYT isn’t something I’m that into right now. Maybe if something else comes out about Evil Xisuma I’ll get back on it, but for now I’m fine with letting that go. But I want to make other videos, share other theories and analysis… if I have the freetime I’d love to make YouTube videos, and if I don’t have the time I’ll continue posting to my tumblr and infodumping to my friends. Apparently my infodumping is valuable enough “content” to steal! Writing this out has made me feel a lot better though, I’m really glad I got it out.

If anyone ever wants to talk to me about the things I’m obsessed with, or reach out to me as a source in a bigger discussion about Game Theory or other channels, my inbox is more than welcome :] Thank you for reading! 

Sincerely, a tumblr user.

#exiavojtmmc #hermitcraft #matpat #gt #game theory #hc #mcyt #evil xisuma #hbomberguy #plagiarism #james somerton #jeff the minion #mine #micer2012 #hcs9

[ishgard]

Presenting: An Absurdly, Stupidly Long and Wordy Warrior of Light-based Questionnaire, or as my bestie dubbed it:

30 WoL Think Thonkers

Less an ask prompt, more of a daily prompt, (though you can use it as an ask prompt if you prefer!) Answer the questions however you want: straight-forward, with stories or screens, or a mix of all.

Get any of your little brainworms out. Wax poetic, ramble off into several digressions, challenge yourself to answer in the least amount of words possible, whatever you're vibing with! (If you want to tag them #wolthinkthonkers feel free!)

This is very Warrior of Light and MSQ based. It's set from a Post-Endwalker mindframe, so there are some minor/vaguely worded spoilers.

----------------------- WARM-UP QUESTIONS

I. Where is your Warrior of Light from? What was their home like growing up and what set them out on their journey?

2. What city-state did your WoL start in? How did they feel about it then, and how do they feel about it now? (ie, did their experiences sour their perception, or make them appreciate it more?)

3. How do they feel about being Hydaelyn's chosen? (Feel free to break it down from ARR's "Champion of Eorzea" all the way to "The Savior of Etheirys" as much as you like. Have those feelings changed, or just grown more complex?)

4. What do they do in their down time? Do they have any hobbies outside of Primal-slaying and world-saving? Are these lifelong hobbies or recent interests?

5. How do they feel now that "it's all over" (the story of Hydaelyn and Zodiark)? What do they plan to do next? Or is their story finished - and if you're retiring them, what does retirement look like for them? Do you have someone else taking the stage going forward?

6. Who was their Azem? What were they like, and were they different from your WoL? Who were their family, friends? Or, if you don't care for the Azem angle or went in your own direction for their past self, how so? How does your WoL feel about their Ancient identity?

----------------------- CHANGES

7. Have they gone through any physical changes? What scars have they collected, and how do they feel about them? Did they sprout horns or other features as a result of spells or pacts gone wrong? How did light corruption impact them? Or have they walked away miraculously unscathed? Are they more peculiar for how eerily unmarred they are?

8. What is one of their biggest regrets? Has it had an effect on how they act moving forward, for better or worse?

9. The Warrior of Light has been through quite a lot, but what is a moment, big or small, that bolstered and renewed their spirit? Was it a cup of hot cocoa or a lovingly crafted sandwich? Did someone give them a few words or a gesture at just the right time that meant the world to them? (Of course, this can be a canon event or headcanon!)

10. What does home look like for them now? Do they still return to the home where they started, and if so has it changed at all? Or have they found or forged a new home? Who do they live with, if anyone? What sort of things do they keep in their personal space?

11. Despite everything, is it still you? Has the core of who they are as a person remained true through everything, or have they been changed by what they've experienced and learned, for better or worse?

13. Is there a canon moment you've drastically (or not-so-drastically) rewritten? A character death, or something that just really did not fit your WoL's character. Or just some alterations and personal touches you've added? Has that had any long-term changes on the wider story?

----------------------- STORY

12. Which canon moments shaped your Warrior of Light and impacted them the most?

14. Do you have any headcanons for what happened post-Ultima Thule? What kind of injuries did they suffer, or did they walk it off like a boss? Did they take a lengthy vacation, did you shove a time skip in there before 6.1 hit? Or was it quickly off to the next adventure?

15. What were their thoughts and feelings on the events of Myths of the Realm? How did they regard the Twelve prior, and how did the revelations impact them? Was meeting their patron particularly special to them, or not really?

16. What were their thoughts and feelings delving into Pandaemonium? How did they feel working alongside Themis and Lahabrea, after all their history? What did they think about how things ended?

17. Taking a step away from "canon", do you have any wholly unique side quests and adventures your Warrior of Light has gotten caught up in? Did they chase down ghosts of their own past, get married, open a bakery, or fix an ancient blood curse on their family line? Have they reunited with loved ones or buried old hatchets? If there's some unique story behind your character, how does it show up and how did it play out?

----------------------- COMBAT & ABILITIES

18. How do they feel about the work they do? As the Warrior of Light they're tasked with quite a lot of violence, is it something that comes naturally to them or do they resist it? Are they merciless, do they try to spare as many lives as they can, or do they fall somewhere in between?

19. While many fights are dramatic or have high stakes, are there any especially memorable or difficult fights they encountered? Outside scripted battles, were there conflicts that you thought felt better if they were tweaked for narrative or lore-based reasons, ie their first time fighting a primal? Or perhaps a more meta "You the player had a hard time so it translated into headcanon for them".

20. Are there any unique abilities that they possess outside of what's in-game? Are they actually a dragon, or do they see visions of the future? Or, is there a special way that their Echo manifests?

21. Jobs! What job is your character and why is that the route they chose? Is your WoL a Jack-of-all-Trades, or just have one (or a few) specialties? Did they start with one job and change to another? Have you 'homebrewed' their job at all, adding any unique twists or details to it?

----------------------- RELATIONSHIPS & THE WORLD

22. What are their feelings on the Scions? Who are some of their closest allies and dearest friends? Are they more of a loner, or closer to people outside the Scions? Have they kindled any romances or partnerships?

23. How do they feel about getting pulled into politics? Are they adept at navigating political intricacies, or does it go over their head? Do they appreciate getting asked to do more than punch their enemies, or would they really rather just punch their enemies? Are there any areas they like to be particularly involved in?

24. How do they feel about Hydaelyn? What was their perception of the Mothercrystal in the beginning, and how did that change by the end, if at all?

25. Do they have any particular enemies that stand out to them? Someone who inspired a lasting grudge? Our beloved and beloathed antagonists give us plenty of reasons to despise them, but are there any that particularly rubbed your WoL the wrong way? On the other hand, are there villains they can't help but sympathize with, even if it's at odds with the narrative or their allies?

26. What are their thoughts on the Ancients, their way of life, and the world they lived in? Did they sympathize at all with the Ascians, or did learning the truth not influence them in that way?

27. How well known are they? Does everyone know their name as the Warrior of Light, or have they managed to maintain some level of anonymity? Do they prefer it that way, and do they have any struggles resulting from it? (Getting stopped on street corners VS awkwardly avoiding questions.)

----------------------- WHAT'S NEXT

28. What's something they look forward to? Exploring the stars, more of a place we've already been, or somewhere we haven't? Or do they look forward to retirement, starting a business with their craft of choice, or any other little old thing?

29. How do they feel heading into Dawntrail? Excited? Exhausted? What do they think of the promises of adventure to come, and their role to play? If you're using a new character, do you have any idea how they'll end up on this path, and where is their headspace starting out?

30. What are they going to be doing while waiting for the ship to Tural?

#xiv prompts #ff14 prompts #again i have no idea what to tag it #wolthinkthonks #lol #a variety of questions i think about + more that were (sorta) endwalker-based #no idea if anyone would be interested in this (it's soooo wordy) #but i'm curious!!!! #i wanna know!! #anyway if i don't post it it'll sit in my drafts collecting the dust of indecision for who knows how long #if there are any major errors let me know! #i ripped it apart and reconfigured it a few times x“D

[lucabyte]

obligatory ramble about postcanon loop ask

also your art is amazing

Hiiiiiiiii :D thank you :)!!

and thank you for the excuse to post the. just absolute wall of text that i truncated down to form the tags of that post. (i did,,, hit the tag limit. i forgot tumblr had one of those...) so let me just paste that and tidy it up a bit...

I am putting this under a readmore because it's a bit long. but:

This is like. The General Context for all* of my postcanon doodles? (Except AUs obviously) Like this is the base idea I've been drawing them all in. So, feel free to backread with this in mind. I've basically had this 'postcanon' timeline set in my brain since finishing the game...

My general thoughts are that I like the idea of Loop (even if through dubiously ethical means) being able to slowly reintegrate with the party as a whole new person, because they are, in fact, their own person.

It's a muddle of thematic threads im pulling on and "wouldn't it be fucked up if", but. (at its core, it's powered by the fact that like, while narratively isat's theme of 'the only person who can truly take the first step to help you is yourself'. (wrt: loop helping the party help siffrin in act 5) which i LOVE AND IS GREAT NARRATIVELY…. would be super fucked up irl to learn that your friend 'learned as a lesson' while you stood by kinda uselessly. I know i'd be upset about it. but thats mostly background here. doesn't really come up. at least not until loop has to explain who they are and the party realises they had to fall back on literally themselves again for help, but i digress,)

The real core concept is: Occam's razor. It is like, inherently, a buckwild thing to accuse a person of being somehow a clone or copy of your friend. Even if they start vaguely alluding to a backstory it's far more likely they were some other person before all that. (I still think Odile has that theory in the back pocket but she's rational enough to know it's a really long shot without a solid explanation. and i think Loop deep down knows this, and would, if cornered into confessing, turn the situation around to go J'ACCUSE and make HER explain it instead. Ever longer dodging being direct with their emotions...)

And the party are nice! And if someone has changed and wants to keep stuff secret it's kind of not their business? (Though it's hard not to speculate… see: the main joke of the doodles) And they seem important to Siffrin so they just try to accept them abrasive quirks and all. And eventually the question of their prior identity just fades away since, well, they're Loop. Their friend Loop.

but yeah. personal headcanon is that a few months/weeks after picking up and getting aquainted with Nille** (since that was presumably the IMMEDIATE TASK postgame), Loop reappears (either after a literal period of nonexistance, or just spending a few months wandering the french countryside alone being attacked by wild dogs). Since Siffrin has had a while to be therapised by the party they're doing mostly okay, but Loop showing up and still being agitated/aggressive pulls them both into a bit of a backslide behaviourally and puts the party on the back foot again.

Hooowever, I do think that due to no longer being literally stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time together, the two do mostly actually sort themselves out with productive conversation. (Via a cycle of: genuinely distressing argument -> weeeird lovebombing -> ok we're good -> repeat, that gets less intense over time)

Thus, allowing the party to just. Integrate loop as a new person. They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches (Loop taking over stuff Siffrin is now too squeamish for, etc (see: hunting, mostly)), and while it's not exactly what Loop wanted they generally get that beggars can't be choosers and it's a pretty good deal. And the rest of the party does straight up just like them as a friend, especially when Loop quits trying to actively antagonise them after a few weeks of being around them, since they just can't keep up being mean to people they like forever.

As for how I think the truth eventually drags itself out. This is where I invoke The Isabeau Torment Nexus™. So its gonna get shippy here for a bit hold on.

Which is, I think giving them time before Loop reappears long enough that Siffrin and Iseabeau actually manage to become established, Isabeau has to be the one to nudge the pair of them and go. "Hey. You know we're in Vaugarde right. I'm okay with polyamory if we all communicate." Before Loop and Siffrin actually even acknowledge that whatever the fuck they have going on kinda looks a lot like a relationship of some kind. (or have already been agonising about that via fighting and arguing, depending) (Obviously this comes after Isa "Emotionally intelligent enough to keep a lid on the jealousy" Beau has managed to use that big brain of his to Not just go Scream somewhere on the daily because oh godddd they keep talking like theyre suicide-baiting each other jesus chriiist. is it overstepping his boundaries to bring that up?? god)

This, taking a bunch of the tension out of Loop and Isabeau's relationship (Since I imagine Loop is a. being weird for the obvious reasons and b. feeling kinda guilty about 'getting in the way of' Siffrin and Iseabeau), allows them to actually get close in a normal friend way. (I think an interesting turning point could be Isabeau actually taking Loop's side in an argument vs Siffrin, which would absolutely break Loop's brain. Especially if it's an argument that matters. Like what do you mean he isn't just going to play favourites. What?)

Then Isabeau, just actually open minded and charmed by Loop (and maybe even somewhat at Siffrin's suggestion?) tries to close the final open side on the polyamory triangle here and that's the final straw for Loop on "This lie by omission is too unethical to keep up, this is just actually sick and wrong. I can't do this while he doesn't know who I am." Though. Obviously it probably goes. Very poorly with emotions high like that. And the added element of several months of deceit. Getting dark here for a second but that dagger is going MISSING and so are THEY for a hot minute.

Then yaaay everything works out in the end 👍 yippieee!! all it took was maybe a lot of harrowed recontextualisation of all the weird shit your new friend said and did when it turns out they're your old friend. It's fine.

But yeah. this is basically the context all of my postcanon doodles have existed within? And those exist to give other people something to chew on. So this does too.

I suppose TL;DR: Imagine if sloopis almost fucking happens before isabeau knows who loop is. can you fucking imagine. can you imagine having to navigate that. nightmare.

*Yes this includes the implied cannibalism comic. Uhh. Comes part and parcel with headcanoning that Loop went way off the deep end similar to A5 Sif But Maybe Worse before giving in. Add weepy half-asleep confessions to murder wherever you see fit in your mind palace. 👍👍👍

**Re: Nille footnote. I don't have anywhere to put this besides here! I have some thoughts on Loop and Nille having an odd dynamic. I don't imagine Nille to be super gung-ho on trusting a bunch of adults (even if they are majority around her age) given their implied backstory. It's probably a big shock to the system, especially since Bambouche is a good couple hundred Kilometers up north from Dormont and these guys don't seem to have trains. She would've been unfrozen and without Bonnie for some time....

Which is to say: I think she's suspicious of them. I think she may be looking for excuses to distance herself, keep Bonnie safe. SO.... A new guy showing up? And antagonising the party? What do they know that I don't...? I should find out.

And since... Loop didn't ever know Nille, they have no ammunition or real reason to be cruel. Plus, if they're trying to stay on Bonnie's good side (SINCE... if Bonnie thought Loop was cringe they may as well kill themselves. In their mind.) they SUPER have no reason to antagonise Nille.

Mostly, they might be able to open up to each other easier than they can the rest of the party?

I feel like this resolves with Loop feeling compelled to apologise for what they and Siffrin let happen to Bonnie, though... Hmm... Depends on how you interpret Nille that they'd be glad nobody else had been told about that yet, or furious it had been secret this long. I lean toward the former.

#PHEW THIS IS LONG. i wrote some extra footnotes and tidied it up a bit. but uh. here you go! my personal headcanon baseline for postcanon. #i could probably elaborate more but that would get unwieldy. like i have opinions on loop's dynamics w each party member but. LONG POST... #lucabytetalks #isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time #isat loop #isiloop #sloopis #WONT be tagging everyone thats absurd. loop centric post though with a chunk about nille at the end #isat act 6 spoilers

[the-bitter-ocean]

(MAJOR ACT 6 Secret Encounter SPOILERS) timeloop au DOODLES + RAMBLES UNDER THE CUT:

I talked about this on the discord server but I might as well post this here! Uhh i made these originally to brainstorm for my own au (the one where Mira loops in time instead of Siffrin) but I got silly and thought of the rest of the party looping and doodled everyone’s “loop” counterpart for fun! If anyone draws/ writes about them feel free to!! Just tag me so I can see it because everyone’s art and writing concepts are so cool. This isn’t canon to the story by any means of course these are simply my designs/ interpretations of how I’d think they act like or look like!

Design wise I really wanted to keep the space/ celestial body theme but I didn’t want to make everyone the same kind of star because in canon the party has very recognizable shape language that is very different from one another! I wanted to capture the personalities of everyone while still being clearly changed.

Cycle/“Cy” -> Isa ( A shooting star! Has a seemingly more upbeat / cheerful energy because he wants to motivate the other self that’s looping to make it through. Don’t let that fool you though he definitely has issues. Not that he’d tell you! )

Constant/ “Con”-> Bonnie (The sun! Easily frustrated / sarcastic kind of energy. I can’t imagine being trapped in a timeloop would do anyone’s wellbeing or mood good, Let alone a literal preteen and it shows. Secretly very happy to have someone to talk to even if they’ll insist otherwise.)

Eon -> Odile ( Also a star but in a Diamond shape! Wanted the shape language to resemble the craft she does as well as the earrings Odile wears. Has a pragmatic / seemingly cold or indifferent personality, in attempt to distance herself to make things hurt less. She still clearly cares though!)

Rewind/“Riri” -> Mirabelle (The moon! I wanted to choose the moon because the moon constantly changes phases and I think that would reflect her emotional state and connect to her faith in the change belief too! I imagine riri to be very like “I am On the verge! lol! ^_^” very polite and sweet though like her counterpart has. Some bite to her if you make her mad. )

#isat spoilers #in stars and time game #in stars and time spoilers #isat #isat act 6 spoilers #isat game #isat loop #in stars and time #in stars and time loop #isat fanart #in stars and time fanart #isat au #in stars and time au #in cycles and cessation au #isat icac au #digital doodle #digital sketch #digital drawing #isat 2 hats spoilers #isat act 6 secret encounter spoilers #in cycles and cessation

[monpalace]

what are the wolf thoughts. sharing is caring.

the thoughts were this,,,, and dilf twi,,,,, combined,,,, so tbh i dont think i really need to say anything for legal reasons 😁 so instead have my very incoherent thoughts on semi-feral (furry)! protective (territorial)! twi‼️

content warning/s.. this is me rambling. written with afab/fem reader in mind (BUT i think i kept it vague, so its more of a gn reader), possessiveness/territorial nonsense, not written with linked universe in mind, y'all remember the citrus scale? i do. (ending dips into lime territory)

i like to imagine that link kept some of his more inhumane traits after the events of twilight princess were all said and done. whether it be a parting gift from the twilight, or a side effect that came along with being a wolf, link never did enough investigating to find out what stayed, what left, or why.

his nose was better, so he could catch whenever a crop was bound to rot or flourish, so good for his stomach.

his eyes were better, so he could catch whenever the kids were making a fuss about something, so good for his mental well-being.

his ears were better, so he could hear whenever his herd were riling themselves up from the other side of the village, so good for his pockets.

all-in-all, he didn't really care to get rid of the side effects if they were going to be such a benefit to his work life— and even better for his personal and love life.

alongside rotting crops and his own post-work stench (yes, he is very self-ware, kudos to midna), link can smell a change you. whether it be a change in your emotions (pheromones were a tricky thing) or wherever you had wandered off after a particularly bad disagreement between the two of you— as rare as that was.

(he's been more ill-tempered as of late. seldom to you, more often to the adult villagers. always over something stupid like to little on an order of food and winter clothes not being thick enough.)

(something, something, the wolf has yet to fully leave him behaviorally, he guesses.)

it was a particularly bad spell between the two of you. link doesn't even remember what it was about and he wasn't keen on doing so. it was late and all he wanted was to apologize so you would return home, he could take being kicked to the couch if it meant you were in the vicinity.

his nose leads him to a darker part of the forest. the trees felt like they moved everytime you turned your back to them, working with the monsters to further trap you inside the woods.

bulbins always had a nasty smell; especially when it muddled and ruined yours.

it's a blur to link, really. it was like he was black out drunk, except rather than alcohol, something else ran through his veins.

there's the catching of your scent, the sprint to the forest, the blackout, and then there's you.

(you. you. you. youyouyouyouyouyouyouyouperfectyouwonderfulyouthereasonhestillbreathesyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyou—)

you're staring up at him with those big doe eyes of yours when he feels some semblance of himself again. he feels less like an animal and more like a person when he sees the way you're sitting against the tree, trembling, but not from fear.

he wipes away the stray bulbin blood as he checks you over for injuries, biting back gags of disgust and the urge to clean you then and there (mark. bite. claim. mark, bite, claim. matematematematemate—).

the way he feels is visceral when he sees your bruising skin, scrapes, and gashes.

it's suffocating when he pulls you into his arms, his tight grip making it hard to take a comfortable exhale. his face is buried against the side of your neck, a spot he's been more and more keen on paying attention to since he's returned home from his adventure.

his breathing grows heavy as he finally drops from his squat to kneel before you, hands traveling wherever they can reach after they pull you into his lap. they're heavy and would be overwhelming if you weren't used to the behavior.

his teeth make an appearance just as his hands make a dive beneath your clothes. he nips and nibbles the expanse of your skin while his hands squeeze whatever handfuls of flesh he's able to reach, the warmth and give of it working to further ground him.

(you were here, with him. alive. you loved him. you wouldn't be letting him handle you like this if you didn't love him. all he wanted was you. his spouse. his better half. the flame to his melting candle. the furnace that kept his home warm.)

(his mate.)

"link," you call when his nips turns into full on biting-and-sucking while his squeeze evolve into gropes and— goddesses, your voice is so angelic when you speak, he stops everything to stare up at you. the blues of his eyes barely visible with the way his pupils expand.

"i want to go home."

and home is where he takes you, hands gripping your thighs as he locks your legs around his hips and carries you home, lips pressing kisses to that spot on your neck that he can't get enough of, canines occasionally reintroducing themselves when he starts to feel greedy again.

#mate as in soulmate or mate as in porn? #i guess we'll never know. #(you have 285 days.) #do i wanna tag this 😭😭 #this was sitting in my drafts for like a month bc i could find it but shh #grim's scribbles #legend of zelda x reader #loz x reader #linked universe x reader #lu x reader #link x reader #legend of zelda link x reader #loz link x reader #linked universe link x reader #lu link x reader #twilight x reader #twilight princess x reader #legend of zelda twilight x reader #loz twilight x reader #linked universe twilight x reader #lu twilight x reader #x reader

[horang-07]

i am about to ramble like a crazy person abt the fnaf movie so scroll if u don’t like spoilers

was not expecting all the love on my last post so i will keep posting thoughts abt the movie

another thing that rlly interested me in the movie was the focus on images, how humans process things through what we see rather than context, and how this sets up the fnaf movie trilogy to focus on fnaf 4 in the next movies.

the most obvious example is abby, we’re explicitly told that children communicate and understand things through pictures, which mike sorta shrugs off until he starts seeing the bigger picture. this then applies to the animatronics when he learns that they are also children and incredibly influenced by the drawings in their environment. the restaurant in the movie is very much a living thing of its own, the way it thrums to life when abby enters, and the animatronics know the truth of the drawing the second it is pinned up, and the animatronics are an extension of that.

a less obvious example is mike. even though he shrugs off abby’s teacher, and the point she makes about him being at the centre of all her pictures, he is much the same. it isn’t just children who are influenced by images. he has been returning to the same image every night for we don’t even know how long, the same picture of the nebraskan trees, the same perfect family picture he describes to vanessa, the same image of his brother looking at him out of the car window. everything he does is a result of this image. he is wholly consumed by it, believes he can somehow change the picture and see the truth beneath it if he just tries hard enough.

the ghost children, specifically golden freddy, change the image for him in an attempt to placate him into giving them abby, but no matter if he dreams of a happy family, it wont change the truth of what happened. just like how pasting a picture of five children happily holding hands with a golden bunny won’t change the truth underneath. images are fallible, they don’t tell the truth and we cannot trust our brains.

firstly i think this is a really fun direction to take in context to how the movie humanises the animatronics. fnaf 1 is a game made entirely of scary, still images of the animatronics, save for the jumpscares and foxy’s run. the lore is sparse and entirely given through exposition (if i hear one more person complain abt vanny only being there for exposition and not phone guy’s two minute loredump at the start of every night in the game i will lose it), and we know nothing other than that our death is imminent.

but the truth is that these animatronics are kids. they’re scared and lost and confused and cannot understand what has happened. underneath bonnie in the west hallway camera and freddy staring at you from the showtime room are terrified kids doing what they feel they have to. the movie was incredibly dedicated to showing that these kids still want to build pillow forts and sing to music and tickle their friends and be a family and i think it was a great choice.

i think all this focus on images is definitely a perfect lead into fnaf 4 (im not 100% on my book lore but i believe there are three books that cover fnaf 1, fnaf 4 and then sister location??) especially with the recent lore update that all of fnaf 4 is hallucinations. we don’t need a lore explanation of how the nightmares could be real because… they aren’t. following the game timeline, fnaf 4 would have already happened by now but we could easily see a return to it through mike, especially if the schmidt-emily or schmidt-afton theories are true and mike could have been the child in fnaf 4 but surpressed his memories. firstly we have a protagonist who is already on sleeping medication and has dreams that can be easily manipulated. this is a perfect setup for the nightmare animatronics to start making themselves known.

i also think that fnaf 1 was intentionally visually tame. the themes of the movie are actually very dark, they don’t shy away from the truth of the bodies being hidden in the suits, the animatronics Very Brutally kill the burglars, max is literally bitten in half and her body is hidden away, but the on-screen gore keeps it pg. this 100% allows them to experiment further with the levels of gore, tension and violence if they do fnaf 4, because quite frankly some of the nightmares are horrifying.

TLDR this movie sets up a million directions and theories that the next one could go in, and theres nothing the fnaf fandom loves more than vague lore and theory crafting

vanny post next bc i have Thoughts

#eden rambles #fnaf spoilers #fnaf #fnaf movie #mike schmidt #william afton #five nights at freddy's #vanessa afton #fnaf 4 #fnaf theory

[galedekarios]

Honestly that was something that I had noticed, they some parts of his story seemed to have less than others. For example, I didn't even romance Astarion and yet his story seemed to have more conclusion than Gales

yes, absolutely.

that's what i meant by the scene disparity and that larian has an obvious bias. there are far better posts detailing it, but you can feel how much the other characters needed the same amount of scenes and attention that have been given to ast*rion in spades, who has 9 regular scenes and 6 romance scenes.

compare that to gale who has 6 regular scenes and 3 romance scenes, some of which don't even trigger properly at all, like the boat scene in act iii.

and speaking of conclusions or having fulfilling arcs, i'll very briefly here speak on how much the whiplash you get from the way gale's arc has been written bothers me:

(i still have to order my thoughts a bit better on this so excuse me if i'm rambling again.)

in act i and ii, the narrative is very obviously set up in a way that recognises that gale, too, like all other companions was in a relationship that had a great and massive power imbalance and that the person (or god, in gale's case) who holds the power intends to use him for their own ends.

the player can voice that to elminster, to gale, and the other companions voice that as well, including their disapproval of what is demanded of gale by this powerful being using him (well, most of them do, apart from ast*rion).

yet in act iii, it's all turned on its head. in order for gale to have what the game clearly intends to be the "good" ending, you have to push him towards seeking mystra's forgiveness. it's the only way to have the alternate version of the boat scene, too.

he is the only companion who is made to do so. the only one. imagine making shadowheart return to shar after everything she has been put through and have that being portrayed as the good ending. or forcing wyll to continue to be indebted to mizora.

companions who, so far, have voiced their negative feelings on this relationship speak like that never was a thing with the exception of a handful of them, like a selunite shadowheart.

elminster does a 180 as well, going from at least implied to feel sorry and doubting what he had to do in act ii (even more so in a gale origin playthrough) to fully supporting mystra's actions and chastising the player if they dare to question her intentions/remark on how she hurt gale.

it's... i don't know.

#also esp in the context of gale being a victim of gro*ming like #ch: gale dekarios #vg: baldur's gate 3 #series: baldur's gate #text: asks #text: personal #larian critical #bg3 critical

[azaracyy]

to the next stage of our adventure! digimon survive week 2024 day 7: post-game / future personal thoughts under the cut - less about the artwork and more about shuuji and lopmon themselves. a long rambling containing major spoilers and heavy topics. will cause whiplash. proceed with caution.

other than the fact this may be boring and long-winded, cw and tw: there will be mentions of self-harm and suicide. if these topics make you uncomfortable, please step back. if you're sure, then alright. i'm aware this is a weird place to ramble about shuuji and lopmon considering the notorious highlight of their story would match the themes of day 5 (villains) and day 6 (dark & loss) better. unfortunately (ironically?) i never planned to feature them for those days, so... pretty sure i'm not the only one feeling this, but when i discovered that a good part of the fandom seems to loathe shuuji with utmost passion, even after they claimed to have completed the game, i was confused. the way his death happened and (understanding) the cause made me uncomfortable for a while, but never drove me to the point of hate... once i recovered from the initial shock, what i felt towards him was more pity, then respect (on truthful route). i feel shuuji should have been one of the most appreciated characters in survive. yet it was the opposite that happened. (between you and me though, knowing there was this discourse with the fact digimon survive is a visual novel, i'm not that surprised it turned out this way...) from my point of view, lopmon evolving into wendimon then killing shuuji symbolizes suicide, the act of taking one's own life. it was the climax of shuuji's mental breakdown, leading him to basically self-destruct, causing damage to everyone around him and ultimately himself. lopmon evolved, just like he hoped. but failed to do it like other kemonogami partners (maintaining control of themselves and fending off enemies). the next and final outcome was death, through his own partner actually eating him alive too. it reminds me how when someone thought they have prepared well for something important yet it failed spectacularly, the devastation and frustration would eat them in the same way from inside. and they probably would for one second think, "i'm better off dead". the more i pondered about it, the more it hit home, so of course, the last thing i could do is hate him, when his struggles sound similar to my own - having to rely on consistent achievements to prove your value, to feel you are worth living and not a waste of resources. the part where shuuji went all abusive on lopmon felt like the equivalent of pushing yourself to the extreme to reach your goal, to the point of neglecting your own needs. it's like a student so absorbed in their study, sacrificing food and sleep, until their body eventually snaps and shuts down for good (...this in fact happened to one of the students at my previous workplace. she was in her last year of high school. life was just about to truly start for her when her classmate informed us of her sudden death). even in truthful route where shuuji and lopmon survive that point, things aren't immediately nice and easy for him. you can see that he still has self-doubts, and what i think is impostor's syndrome. he could be making a great contribution to the team and still put himself down for having done "nothing". i have found it interesting that artists and writers tend to be especially fond of shuuji. so perhaps it's not just the matter of one's upbringing - whether you were raised in a harsh, competitive environment and/or with family with (unreasonably) high standards so you can relate more easily to him - but also whether one can see just what every struggle shuuji and lopmon went through symbolizes shuuji's mental state. out of all survive characters, i think shuuji and lopmon pulled off this thing called "surviving" the hardest, no joke. which is why i almost always gravitate to drawing them happy because that's what they deserve :') after all this, what i also would like to say is, it's okay if a character makes you uncomfortable. it's okay if you hate a character. but never, ever bring down the character to people who like them or even consider them their favorite or comfort character. if you must, do it in your own space and only with like-minded people.

#digimon #digimon survive #shuuji kayama #lopmon #survive week #survive week 2024 #obligatory shuuji-focused post where i make myself go a bit ✨ extra ✨ #sorry for the long rambling tho i just thought i never had the chance to put this in words and this time i really want to do it #thanks for being patient with me :') #so i didnt manage to post for all days after all but i still have the ideas and sketches #if i ever finish them i will post and tag #if we have another survive week next year i hope i can actually prepare early so i could just schedule posts like a boss #then enjoy every submission without having to worry about finishing my next one #back to commissions starting tomorrow o7 updated my vgen listings recently so feel free to look around if you'd like #let's keep surviving y'alls #png

[hyuuukais]

✧˖°ʚ🍓ɞ♡ SUNSHINE AND STRAWBERRIES

pairing ☆ lee felix x fem reader

synopsis ☆ Y/N is a new streamer. after months of planning, and her best friend & now fellow streamer han jisung convincing her, she makes a twitch and youtube account. thanks to jisung giving her a shoutout to his own huge following, she gains some unexpected overnight fame. but what was more unexpected was waking up to see her long-time favourite comfort streamer _sunshine.bbokari_ following her.

warnings ☆ swearing, descriptions of panic and being overstimulated, mention of being sick

[TAGLIST -> CLOSED]

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

☆ mostly written chapter, 3 screenshots ☆

CHAPTER FOURTEEN ☆ NOT YOUR BUSINESS

People stare as you re-enter the room, making a beeline toward the stage. You glance over to your table and see Ryujin giving you two thumbs up, Chaeryeong giving you a small wave, and the boys cheering you on.

Never in your life have you had to give a speech in front of so many people, especially spontaneously. Your palms were sweaty, and your chest felt tight, but you told yourself everything would be fine. Once you got up there, maybe you'd find a pace and start rambling, forgetting about the crowd completely.

Unfortunately you knew yourself. That wasn't going to happen.

The short staircase squeaks as you walk up, the audience erupting into claps. Someone hands you a mic from backstage quickly, whispering a small good luck.

"H-Hi," You manage, trying to take deep breaths. "My name is Y/N-"

Already people are clapping again. The loud noise is overwhelming, but you try to stay grounded by finding your table. It takes a second, but your eyes finally set on Jaemin. Your chest feels a little less tight when he flashes you a smile.

"Some of you may know me as Y/N's Strawberry Fields on twitch, or from my twitter," You begin to find yourself relaxing, focusing on facts to get you through. "I started my channel a few weeks ago, and not to sound cliché, but it's been a wild ride. I have my best friend Han Jisung to thank for that."

You laugh nervously, and the crowd laughs with you.

"I wanted to pursue this for so long, but always had something in the way, whether it was school or my own doubts," You look down at your feet, hand rubbing your collarbone, a nervous habit you picked up a long time ago. "The sudden attention was a lot. Not all of it was good... but I had good people by my side."

You looks up again, eyes finding one of the cameras livestreaming the event.

"I want to thank someone else you may know. He's been so supportive of me, without even really knowing me all that well. I've looked up to him for so long," A smile spreads on your face. "His username is accurate. Felix, if you're watching this, thank you."

At the name drop, the crowd goes wild. Your chest tightens again, anxiety creeping up on you.

Deep breaths, Y/N, deep breaths.

You give a small bow, signaling the end of your speech. You're about to walk off when someone calls out from the crowd.

"Are you sure you're not using Han Jisung and Lee Felix? Or your other so called friends, Yang Jeongin, Sim Jake, or Kim Seungmin?"

Your head whips around toward the sound, but you can't find the owner of the voice.

"No!" You say a bit too loud, causing feedback. The audience groans and you sink into yourself a bit. "S-Sorry.. but no. I thought we moved past this topic."

"No one believes you."

"They don't need to," You try to stand your ground, standing taller despite the tears welling in your eyes. "I've been friends with these people for years, before any of this."

"Right.. but once you heard Han was friends with Felix, you jumped onto that opportunity pretty quick, huh?"

"That's not what happened..." Voice weak, eyes still searching the crowd, unable to find this person.

"Oh and another question-" A chair shifts, and your eyes lock into their table. "You seem really close with.. ah, what's his name? The one not on social media?"

"Kai?"

"Yes, him! You two seem awfully close... but you never post about him-"

"It's called respecting someone's privacy, which you've clearly never heard of," You snap, done with these questions.

You felt hot, the lights suddenly too bright and the air too dry. You could feel every piece of fabric touching your body.

"Why do you think you have the right to ask me these things? Huh?" You walk toward their table, ignoring the way your eyes sting and the pain in your chest. "Why the fuck is everyone so goddamn interested in my personal business?! How many times do I have to repeat myself? I'm not using anyone. What if people were constantly accusing you of this? How would you feel?"

Your breathing is quick and shaky, tears freely streaming down your face as you look down at this girl who looks about 16, staring at you with wide eyes.

You can feel people stares on you. The mic falls from your hand, emitting a loud squeal when it hits the floor. You feel yourself moving backwards, but it's like you're on autopilot, trying to find a way out. Spotting a door near the back, you run, the room silent and the only sound is your feet hitting the ground.

Cold metal, fresh air, someone's hands on your shoulders as you hunch over, sobbing. The hands help you lower to the ground, knees hitting the ground softly. You vaguely hear a man's voice, but you're too focused on not throwing up to process the words at first. Once you've calmed a bit, you can feel someone soothing you, a hand on your head smoothing back your hair.

"Hey, can you hear me? Breath with me Y/N," He grabs one of your hands, bringing it to his chest above his heartbeat. "In... out... in... just like that, yeah?"

Once you're able to breath normally again, you look up, feeling light headed. In front of you is someone you've never met, so why did he seem so familiar?

"This is probably weird for you," He says, keeping a tight grip on your forearms as you both stand. "I'm Chan- Felix's friend. Well, more like family at this point. Listen, my car's just down the road, can you walk? Or do you want me to bring it up? There doesn't seem to be a lot of security, so I'm sure I could bring it right here if you want, yeah?"

You nod. He studies you quickly, leaving after seemingly deciding you're okay on your own for a few minutes.

The whole situation begins to set in.

You just freaked out on one of the most anticipated livestreams.

"Oh my god," You gasp, running a hand through your hair. "Oh my god."

notes ☆ oh my oh my god- so umm that happened! did i project a bit onto y/n with my hatred and fear of public speaking? or with getting pissed off when overstimulated? maybe. maybe i did. let this girl catch a break fr 🙏 but wait- is that- felix is picking her up?! as in... they're finally meeting irl?!?!?!?!

taglist ☆ @marcillfll @toplinelix @neri-ner @tfshouldidohere @imasimplol @samvagejkflxhrt @yennifersgeralt @aestheticsluut @cherryuqii @tenebrisirae @roseidol @veryjeongintxtkid @amara-mars @nobuttpics @bmnyy @sheeshhhhfelixsworld @ellelabelle @gini143 @mrsseals16 @veedoesntknaur @channiesstars @daydreamer5006 @luvvvash @amesification @skzswife @blamemef0rit @soulphoenix1618 @lovingmny @stvrfir3 @boo-ven9eance @adestayskz @rag-iii @enchantedgrunge @mytherapisttoldmenotto @oh-my-fancan @lucktales @cookielino

pink means it won't let me tag u

#✧˖°ʚ🍓ɞ♡ SUNSHINE AND STRAWBERRIES #skz #stray kids #skz smau #lee felix x reader #social media au #stray kids smau #lee felix #lee felix x fem reader #lee felix x yn #lee yongbok #non idol au #non idol felix #stray kids streamer au #streamer au #felix streamer au

[lunastrophe]

Drow Lore 🕷️ Matron's Love

One of the vicious, cruel matron mothers of Menzoberranzan in love - with a male, to that? Sounds unlikely, if not impossible, but according to lore, it happened.

🕷️ Fanatic Matron - Matron Mother Zhindia of the House Melarn was the youngest of the ruling matrons of Menzoberranzan. She was so fanatically devouted to Lolth and so determined to be perceived as her most fervent worshiper that her zeal was often too much even for drow standards.

Zhindia appointed herself an inquisitor, of sorts - the enforcer of the Way of Lolth. She and her priestesses often pried into other houses' affairs and publicly pointed out every sign of heresy or apostasy they could find, calling for the punishment. She believed that this behavior will increase Lolth's favor upon her own house.

Melarn priestesses were considered a "particularly cruel lot," even by Menzoberranzan measure. Matron Zhindia was no less cruel than them - she was often personally overseeing tortures and she used to think that the process of turning a drow into a drider is immensely satisfying to observe.

To sum things up, Matron Mother Zhindia seems to be the kind of a drow who would be the least likely to fall in love, especially with some male. And yet...

🕷️ Patron, Plaything, Lover - Zhindia first saw her future patron, Sornafein, at a performance. He was a particularly handsome drow musician skilled with string instruments, with fine hands and beautiful voice. He also happened to be very intelligent, exceedingly charming and could be quite deadly when he wished to - he was known to strangle his rivals with his instruments' strings.

Zhindia became instantly smitten with him and decided to claim him as her own, ultimately making him her patron. Somehow, over the span of eighty years or so, Sornafein became more than just a plaything to her - probably because he turned out to be the only person who was able to effectively calm her down.

Zhindia had a terribly volatile temper and was prone to violent outbursts, but she discovered that with Sornafein around, it was easier for her to "sort through her careening thoughts and find a proper course." The entire Melarn compound could tremble in fear when Matron Mother was in foul mood, but not her patron - he always knew how to soothe her with a soft song and a caress. Soon she even developed a habit of calling for him whenever she felt she needed to calm down.

As for Sornafein, his point of view was not really known, but it was said that he enjoyed his position and "the notoriety of bedding such a controversial noble" as Zhindia Melarn.

🕷️ Drow Kind Of Love - on one hand, Zhindia's love for Sornafein might reflect quite well the concept of ssinssrigg, drow "love" that is more like something between lust, passion, longing and selfish desire to possess. Sornafein, like any other patron, is his matron's property and she does not see him as her equal - more as her favorite pet.

On the other hand, Zhindia is unusually protective of him, even to the point of endangering herself - it is said that she hides her true feelings for him not for fear of how it would affect her standing, but because she fears that her enemies might strike at him to get at her. She knows that he is her (probably greatest) weakness, but instead of getting rid of him - like any weakness-hating drow priestess should do - she tries to protect him. She even comes to his defense while speaking to one of the most powerful yochlol servants of Lolth.

Torn between her loyalty to Lolth and whatever she feels for Sornafein, it is certain that Matron Zhindia would ultimately choose Lolth... but surely not without hesitation and not without a sense of regret.

And considering her character, station and the society she lives in - it is still something.

For more of my drow lore ramblings, feel free to check my pinned post 🕷️

#drow #lolth sworn drow #dnd lore #drow lore #drow culture #dnd drow

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Hellooo! This one goes for a family request. I'd honestly like to see how would be the daily life of an autistic preteen!reader with their massive, adoptive family. Mostly how they would interact with the reader and adapt the house/environment to their needs and little quirks, such as learning about sensory overloads, stimming, helping the reader with social cues and deal with their emotions, helping them to actually vocalize their thoughts… Then later on having to listen to them rambling at random times about specific topics that reader is madly interested in (if it's not a bother, I think that reader info-dumping about beetles would be oddly cute for them)

Maybe they came to meet preteen!reader after learning that they had been rejected a few times already due to their behavior. (A bit of past experience and self-projection here, heh), the social worker would tell them about reader's disorder, which would explain their lack of eye contact, fidgeting and also lack of verbal interaction. Some members of the family would grasp the situation right away and take the reader in.

You're free to make it either a more list-like post or write a scenario which would prompt them to care for the reader. I hope you're having a nice day/night, whenever you're reading this 🤍🤍

I’m gonna use my personal obsession at the moment for this piece- Pokemon! I hope you like it!

-You have gone through several families, ones that just didn’t know how to deal with you, getting annoyed too quickly with you, trying to force you into situations that caused you to get overstimulated very quickly, and just treat you like you were… different.

-You knew you were different, you were aware that you acted differently compared to others, but you were very smart- getting good grades at school, and there were lots of things that you knew a lot about and you could talk for hours, if only they would let you.

-However, just because you were different doesn’t meant that you were less deserving of a happy home, one that was filled with patience, kindness, and love.

-This is what your social worker told your new family, that you were on the spectrum, but instead of focusing on the bad, like your past families had done, she only focused on the good, like how smart you were, that you loved to run around and play outside, and what a bright ray of sunshine you were.

-They were furious to learn how you had been treated in the past, those past families who treated you so cruelly, not accepting you for you- but that’s what made them different, they were all a melting pot of different personalities and quirks as well, you would fit right in with them.

-You had never had a family so large before- there were so many people, but unlike before, they were all so patient with you- letting you come to them, not at all bothered that you fidgeted a lot, or had a hard time making eye contact with them- to them, it was just some of your quirks.

-You got to know your family, on your terms, Loki was a prankster but he always made sure to tell you all about them, so you didn’t get scared or get worked up, and he didn’t pull pranks on you unless if you had spoken to him beforehand about the pranks you found funny that wouldn’t bother you.

-Poseidon, while not the most sociable person, at least to others, allowed you to just sit and ramble on and on about Pokemon, sitting beside him, showing him your team or the Pokemon you caught in your game, showing him your trading card collection, and telling him about all the lore and knowledge you knew about Pokemon. He would just sit there, occasionally taking a drink, but not interrupting you, something you adored, as you never got to talk to others like this before, before your new family.

-Loki loved it when you talked about Pokemon, he encouraged you, wanting you to talk more, and you did- as you were comfortable, even more so when he got a switch and got a Pokemon game, so he could play with you!

-Hades was the most patient with you, as he wanted you to talk, wanting you to verbalize your desires and questions, never making you feel foolish and many were soon following in his footsteps, being so patient with you.

-You had never had a family like this before- it was wonderful! You had never been so happy!

-Even when you get so happy that you unintentionally overstimulate yourself, they never made you feel like a burden, just letting you sit beside them, playing your Pokemon game, and just letting you calm down on your own terms.

-You flourished under their love and care, showing that what your social worker said was true, that you were a ray of sunshine, and that you were extremely smart- bringing home a report card with straight As, something they praised you for.

-When your social worker came for a visit, just to see how you were doing, she smiled, seeing you so happy, running around, playing with Loki and Buddha with your water guns- she knew that you would be healthy, safe, and happy with this family and she was elated to approve their request to formally adopt you- submitting the paperwork herself.

-You deserved everything you had- a home, a family, and so much love.

#record of ragnarok #ror x reader #ror poseidon #ror hades #ror loki

[freckled-koi]

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒓

summary: you've known gojo since your training days at jujutsu tech. you were inseparable - as thick as thieves. so, what happened?

pairing: satoru gojo x reader (feat. nanami x reader).

cw: angst, emotional manipulation / mental spiral, mature themes. 18+ / minors dni.

wc: 3k+

a/n: third chapter = posted! this one is much shorter, but has some fluff with nanami and i kinda like it a lot heh. slowly but surely!

ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

if you haven’t already, please check out the previous chapters located here, and also here on ao3 for easy access!

003.

“And then– Then, he just says, ‘Come over to my place’. Like–” You throw your hands up with the tongs in one hand still, hardly paying much attention to the grilled meat in front of you.

“-- Like what makes you even think I would say yes to that?! Just a ‘come over to my place’! No ‘sorry Y/N for not talking to you in months’; no ‘I’m so sorry for treating you like dirt beneath my feet’.”

Explaining the moment and even going as far as to mock the way Gojo speaks to you, really read into the moment about how much it bothered you.

The momentary rambling you do doesn’t phase Nanami when he sits across from you, sleeves rolled up after shedding the suit jacket and loosening his decaled tie once the two of you had been seated and ordered. The drive over was silent for the most part, especially when you were just reveling in what happened in your office after Nanami had stepped in, but he let you soak in it for a while.

It was up until he could tell it was still bothering you when you both sat down, he inquired about it, and you opened the floodgates to unload every minute you could recount the moment you had walked back to your office.

“God, Kento, it’s as if he doesn’t care about how I feel or whatever I say, he just thinks he’ll get what he wants by acting the way he does! I mean, come on, you’ll have any girl fall at your feet if you even give her the attention you do to get what you want, but me? ME? He knows how much that shit bothers me, so I don’t know why he does it!”

Nanami had already shed his glasses amidst the conversation, pouring himself another shot of sake provided for the both of you. He’d already taken one when you began the rundown, but he needed another with just how much he was hearing. He even went as far as pouring you a shot, taking it with steady hands in the middle of your rambling to swallow down.

There’s a heavy breath that leaves you after the drink, staring down at the grill between the two of you before he’s offering his hand to take the tongs from your hold, to which you acceptingly choose to do.

You grow quiet for a moment as he turns the meat over onto its side carefully, expelling a heavy sigh.

“I didn’t even say no.” You murmur, leaning back into your seat with your arms crossed.

“Why didn’t you?” Nanami inquires, peering up from his work at the grill to watch you, your own gaze lifting from the table to meet his own. His words weren’t meant to be demeaning, the question alone just wanting more insight.

“I.. I don’t know, he just– He wasn’t asking. He didn’t even ask. He just said it. I mean, I told him I already had plans, but he saw through that–”

Nanami’s lips purse for a slip second before his facial features relax back into that stoic expression of his, contemplating his next words that don’t come for a while.

“You might have to consider the following,” He starts, your frame shifting to have you sit up a bit straighter as he speaks, attentive to his words.

“Satoru is more or less on edge with Suguru Geto still at large with his genocidal mission and going under the radar, where we can’t find him unless we’re lucky enough to have some intel. Considering your history with him, and how much he held with you, maybe.. What had happened with the two of you months prior might have something to do with it.”

You draw your lips inward in thought to it, brows knit together.

“He might want to reach out to you in a way that’s more personal.”

“It worries me, Kento. Just.. The last time we were alone together, it– It wasn’t..”

You struggle to explain it, even stumbling over your words that have Nanami a little taken back. You digress, sighing out of frustration to it as you give up on explaining it entirely. Nanami would have a better understanding on why you rejected the idea of being in the same room with him in present day, but you decide to put it to rest. Eventually, he reaches to place a few pieces of the meat that were cooked to completion onto the plate adjacent to you.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said to me earlier today.”

Nanami’s brows raise slightly.

“About.. Not giving Satoru so much grace if I know how he is.”

There’s a low hum that emits from the man across from you in acknowledgement, setting the tongs down as he’s pouring another drink for the two of them.

“I.. might have spoken out of turn when I had said that to you, and my apologies for doing so, Y/N. If what I said swayed you to think otherwise..”

“No, Nanami, it’s okay.. Really,” You say with a quiet laugh leaving you, picking up your glass after the pour that you mutter a ‘thank you’ to, sliding it back over to you. “It’s.. giving me more introspection. A reality check, you could say.”

You say the last sentence with a bit of playfulness in your tone to lighten the mood once more, something that Nanami slightly smiles at. You catch that smile again and it makes your stomach tighten having to see it, and you can’t help but smile at it either.

“I should be apologizing to you actually. I can’t believe you’d just let me sit and ramble on and on about Satoru Gojo, considering how much you feel about him.”

“Like I had said before and I’ll say again– I’d be a fool not to care. Any decent man–”

“--Would want to be worried, yes, I remember~” You chime just as you’re taking a full swig of your drink.

Nanami does the same, smile stretched just a little bit larger than the one you pulled out of him.

Maybe you had too much to drink.

Nanami was good at holding his liquor, but you could tell he was just a bit buzzed by how much the two of you were slamming one bottle after another. You lost count at that point.

Walking out of the restaurant, you almost stumble a bit, and Nanami is quick to take a steady hold of your shoulders, even going as far as to loop your arm onto his own.

“Hold onto me for now.”

You hum in approval, making sure to have a decent grasp on him as you walk, your feet hardly finding stability at first but with Nanami’s guidance, it was slowly getting there. You were both dropped off by an associate to get to the restaurant, since cab fare was fairly high these days, Nanami decided just to walk you home before making his way home as well. It was on the way, and he didn’t want you walking home alone at this hour.

The way Nanami was taking care of you after the meal was heartwarming to you. Knowing Nanami’s nature, he showed genuine care underneath that stone-cold countenance he wore. There were things he was completely sick of and dejected, but there was still a few ounces of care left in him that he would show in his actions. This was one of those moments.

Granted, he voiced his care towards you a couple times today, and even days before that in little doses you were well aware of.

Even at the thought of it, you mindlessly lean your cheek against his clothed bicep, eyelids lowering and feeling that dizziness wrack your brain to your intoxication. It’s when you do this, Nanami’s grip on you stifles in tightness, but becomes more secure. You’re surprised when he doesn’t retract to the feeling or even nudge you. Maybe your drunken state was playing mind games with you, almost swearing you could feel an inkling of him subtly brushing back into it.

It’s quiet for most of the walk home, but the moment you retract slightly to catch a glance at Nanami, he’s eyeing over the dazzlingly elegant watch he fashioned on his wrist before meeting your gaze.

“Did you make your decision?” He inquires, your brows knitting together.

“Is it late..?” You peer over to his watch, hardly catching the time as he lowers his hand.

“Half past 7.. It’s not too late.”

“Mn.”

You sigh out heavily, finally finding your footing and shifting just a bit to create a little bit of space between the two of you, even when you were still holding onto Nanami’s arm.

“I feel like I’m a little too intoxicated to handle Satoru’s mysteriousness right now, so I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“Shower when you get in. Maybe that’ll do you some good, clear your head up a bit.” Nanami suggests, your gaze still lingering on him. “If you feel like you shouldn’t after a moment of clarity, then you can make a decision.”

It’s then when you finally reach home, standing in front of your apartment complex and Nanami ever-so gently lets go of your arm, carefully steadying you even when you sway once more. You face the much taller man, eyeing over his stature before you flash him a soft smile, that was probably more lazy than you had wanted to translate.

Nanami mirrors the smile back with one that held so much weight, it made your chest tighten just a smidge.

“Thank you for dinner tonight,” He says lowly, retracting his hands only to lift one to gently place his larger palm at the top of your head to caress. The touch was comforting, and you weren’t sure if it was the booze or the affectionate gesture coming from Nanami, but you could feel a slow wave of warmth wash over you.

This was a newer side to Nanami that you were tapping into, and you never thought for a second he’d give it to you. Especially when you were rambling about your situationship with Gojo. Even after all of that, he still showed you the tenderness you deserved.

Feeling his hand leave your head, he now tucks his hands into his tan trousers, nodding towards the building.

“Maybe next time when the circumstances aren’t what they are, we can spend time like this together again.” Nanami says.

It’s enough for you to smile a bit more timidly to the suggestion, hiding back the grin you were wanting to show brightly to it. More time with Nanami would do you more good than anything.

“We can. No worries about that.” You say almost a little too confidently, earning a laugh from Nanami before he’s giving a slight bow of his body.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Nanami. Be careful on your way home.”

Saying your departures, you turn to head into your building, and you can feel the eyes on you watching until you made it in and Nanami is making his way back to his place for the night.

Showering was the last thing you wanted to do, but Nanami having suggested it, you decided it would be fair to take his advice on this one.

It was already reaching 9 o’clock on the dot the minute you step out of the shower and dress yourself into more comfortable loungewear than the work uniform you adorned, towel drying your tresses as you stare at the clock on the wall in the living room.

You were still a little buzzed, but your mind was definitely much clearer. Now, you’d have to really decide if going over to Gojo’s was really going to be worth it.

You can’t help, but recall the conversation you had in your office for probably the tenth time tonight, replaying his words constantly.

You begin weighing the pros and cons.

The pros would be you get a chance to hear Gojo out, communicate what had been going on, maybe get an apology out of him and the connection you held with Gojo could begin to build back up again.

The cons were you didn’t want to find out. You didn’t want to be disappointed in the complete opposite. What if he came back with something akin to saying he can’t be around you anymore, or even blame you for not trying hard enough to restore even their companionship?

The unknown was always unsettling and filled with discomfort, but if you just knew what was going on in that big head of his, maybe things would be better. Not knowing was the worst; not knowing would only drive you to overthink and settle deeper into that discomfort and sadness you were holding previous to when he spoke to you for the first time in months in your office.

You groan loudly.

“Fucking idiot.” You grunt as you toss the towel into the nearest hamper and begin gathering what you needed to head out. You weren’t sure if the derogative that left you was aimed towards Gojo or even yourself, it just happened to slip out when you made your final decision.

It’s quite a walk to where Gojo’s home resided, so you had to bite the bullet and just pay a cab to get you across town. That was one thing you’d at least hope Gojo would compensate you for.

As soon as you arrive, you head into the complex he was located in. It was like you remembered the way there, like the back of your hand. It was a place you frequented often, so the short months of not being able to do this, just came back to you naturally. Of course, his flat was on the highest floor in the building and you subconsciously rolled your eyes to it. Nothing ever changed with just how flamboyant Gojo was in other aspects, especially when it came to money. He had it, might as well flaunt it, you suppose.

There’s a hesitance in your walk the more you grow closer to his door after stepping off the elevator, already having second thoughts about doing this.

Maybe you shouldn’t be here right now; maybe this was a mistake.

He said it himself, if you didn’t show up, he’d get the message.

But here you were.

Turning back would be a little foolish — you brought yourself all the way out here to what, not get any answers?

Maybe getting a form of closure would do nothing for you in the end.

It’s like mental gymnastics the more you dwell on it, already finding yourself in front of his door before you’re reaching out to ring his doorbell.

As if it’s clockwork, it doesn’t take much time before the door is swinging open and Gojo appears behind it, standing there shirtless. He fashioned just a pair of gray sweats, and your eyes flit up his frame before it’s settled on the glistening facial features, even his slightly dampened hair.

The white haired man’s tiers stretch into an appeased smile, leaning into the doorframe as he stares over your appearance before him.

“I was wondering when you’d be here. I mean, I could see you were thinking a little too hard through the wall—“

“Can you.. put a shirt on?” You say with a hint of annoyance in your tone and he only laughs at that. Typical response.

“I just got out of the shower, please. Plus, this is my home. I don’t have to put a shirt on for anybody.. Honestly, I think they’d want to see me shirtless even if I did~”

All you give is a roll of your eyes, and it’s enough for him to lift his arm and push the door further open for you to enter, a little too smitten by the reactions he gets out of you.

“You can come in, Y/N. I’ll go put a shirt on too, if you so badly want me to~”

“Yeah, yeah.” You comment just as you’re stepping into his apartment and the door closes behind you, hearing the mechanism of the locks for it after.

Jesus Christ, what were you doing?

#gojo x you #gojo x reader #satoru x you #satoru x reader #satoru gojo #gojo satoru #nanami x you #nanami x reader #nanami kento #kento nanami #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #fanfic #anime #anime fic #anime fanfic #manga #manga fic #manga fanfic #angst #fluff

[thswrtchdthng]

your first mistake was giving me the green light on rambling about ultrakill

THE LORE OF ULTRAKILL HEAVILY SUMMARIZED:

mankind is dead. blood is fuel. hell is full.

THE LORE OF ULTRAKILL ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS SUMMARIZED (still very summarized and i might get some things wrong):

during ww1, various countries involved began developing machines that ran on blood. each new machine created was meant to be stronger than the last one. in the end, this led to the creation of the earthmover by japan, which was an absolutely giant machine. so large that people started living on top of them. before the war ended, only one machine was created, though it never got a chance to fulfill its purpose of defeating the earthmover: this machine was called v1, and its unique ability was to heal upon contact with blood from any source. when the war was over, a different version of v1, named v2, was created for the purpose of keeping peace. these are v1 and v2.

now, eventually, humanity discovered an entrence to hell. don't question it. also hell is a living organism.

then, somehow, humanity died. all of it. everyone was dead. and all that remained were the machines they'd created.

in ultrakill, a first-person shooter video game, you play as v1, and your goal is simple: blood. you just want more blood. and you are in hell. so you start ultrakilling everybody. it's also based on dante's inferno, so that's fun.

in the post i made, i said alice is like v2 to me. this is mostly because v2 is an important character, but not a very powerful boss fight, and alice is a very lore-relevant character, but not very high up on the corporate ladder. but also because v2's purpose was to maintain peace and order, but she didn't get to fulfill that purpose. everyone died. v2 is, even though she never admits or acknowledges it, very possibly the only machine with the capacity to truly miss humanity. idk why, but that reminds me a lot of alice dyer. make of that what you will.

now. the other character i mentioned is THE FERRYMAN. THIS GIRL->

basically ferrymen are sinners from the layer of wrath deemed worthy of redemption by heaven. they're tasked with carrying passengers through the afterlife. another fun bit of ferryman lore is that they all tear their skin off from shame, but heaven grants them a holy cloth to cover their faces. pretty simple, yeah? but this one looks a bit bored. probably because she was promised she could go to heaven if she carried enough passengers, but...no more passengers are coming through. because humanity is dead.

the ferryman is considered a slightly more difficult boss fight, or maybe just one slightly later in the game than both v2 fights (you fight v2 twice), but you can actually literally just. pay her to leave. toss some coins at her and you can literally just skip the fight.

i can't articulate why she reminds me of lena but. she does.

so anyways all of this and i haven't even gotten to gabriel. there is so much lore. there's an excellent video explaining all of it that i can send a link to if i've caught ur interest with this.

oh also a lot of people ship v2 and the ferryman.

oh also neither of them canonically go by she/her pronouns but it's a very very common headcanon, and i'm pretty sure hakita (the developer) gave a shout out to the she/her v2 headcanon specifically at some point.

I LOVE ULTRAKILL I THINK ULTRAKILL IS REALLY COOL!!!!!

okokok. several thoughts.

this seems so fucking cool????????? to the point that I might play it when I can get it

thoughts on shipping v1 and v2? cause from what you've said they sound quite shippable to me

if hell is a living organism, is it like,,,,consenting?? to be entered????? does it have a personality?????? that might just be my conceptum tendencies but,,,,,is hell like a character in itself (sort of)?? (the question here is can I romance hell or not, and does hell enjoy being entered)

if it's based on Dante's Inferno I already know I'm going to like it

v2 sounds extremely huggable. can I hug her?

and you're right that 'being the only one with the ability to miss humanity' gives Alice vibes for some reason

ferrymen sound so sad to me. can I hug them? and give them a little skincare?

the ferryman concretely is hot. is that alright to say? she sounds very interesting to talk to (do ferrymen talk? does anyone here talk?)

well everyone you've mentioned so far is hot to me tbh

who's gabriel? please please please send me that link I wanna know about them now. I've always had a complicated relationship with every archangel gabriel based thing/character (I have very passionate feelings towards biblical gabriel for some reason) so I'll probably love them

but yeah ultrakill sounds pretty cool! I'll probably look more into it in the future

#ask #💭👁️‍🗨️ #ultrakill

[skunkox]

Country Lovin Darlin and Rambles.

Is this gonna be self indulging? Very much so. I'm starting to realize no one can stop me, but hear me out real quick. Forgive me if you do decide to read all the way through. It's a lot. 🥲

Before moving to Dahlia, Darlin' used to spend half their summers with their grandparents in Texas. Sorta old money/ retired folk. Big land, but not too much on it. Plenty of room for the shiftsr grandchildgren to play. Passively still making money via whool sales. Yeah, there's other animals, but it's not a giant operation. They do have other empowereds working as ranch hands for them, though.

Anyways, a good moth or so out of each summer as a child, Darlin would help around the ranch, learn to cook and bake, and even participate in town events. (I'm telling you the fucker can cook. Just not for one person.)

Lazy Sunday mornings were spent in front of the TV with their grandfather watching old westerns or things like "The Andy Grifith Show," "Little House on the Prarie," and "Tales of Wells Fargo".

Not even halfway into they stay, they'll have developed a country accent. They still struggled to get be friends with most of the kids their age. Was it because they picked up a garden snake like it was just a piece of rope? Was it because they alegedly chased a kid girl with it that had been giving them hell? Who knows.

I wholeheartedly believe that Darlin was a pageant kid at some point in their life. Regardless of how ruff and tough they are, they were a cute kid. Don't pay the bandaid brand character bandaid any mind.

This is where I say this is really just my version of Darlin and a little bit of Sweetheart. It's Redunk Time.

Specifically for my version of Darlin (fem), "Southern Bell" like fair competitions are what her grandmother would enter the kids in. The one day out of the year she's happy to put on a frilly dress and bows. Not a whole lot of confidence for themselves on stage for the most part, though.

Diving more into the idea that Darlin and Sweetheart used to be friends before the move idea. Sweetheart has gone with them once or twice. Especially when the older cousins were visiting for less time, if at all. The old wolves like a full house, so they had no problem hosting another empowered child.

Sweetheart loved taking pictures and video of their adventures. Still currently holding footage to a misshap of sorts that they swore to never tell anyone about. They also have footage of competitions from the fairs. Including the pageants. Do they plan on telling the pack? Yes. (That's a post for another day)

The duo thought it was weird that the they would be leaving at separate times. They noticed the soured moods of the grandparents but the older wolves couldn't bring themselves to say anything on it in the days leading to their departures. Sweetheart took the flight home alone. Darlin was under the impression that the family was taking a short trip to California before summer ended.

Much to their distraught, their parents had either been moved and or found new jobs in Dahlia. The move was in the works for nearly half a year and they had no idea. Their older siblings knew, but they did everything their parents told them. They got no warning that they wouldn't see their friends anymore. That they wouldn't be attending school that fall with the same kids. That they wouldn't even get to say goodbye to their old house. No proper goodbye to Sweetheart.

Summer visits to Texas were just about haulted. Their parents wanted Darlin to better acquaint themselves with the other pack children. This was a struggle for years.

Sweetheart moving to work for the department and finding themselves with Milo was one thing. But the first time they happened to see each other in a pack meeting was rough. They knew almost instantly who each other were.

Sweetheart had seen a photo in Milo's living room. It was framed next to a lamp. The picture was of Christian and Amanda who awkwardly sat side by side. Hands just nearly touching. On one end of a log. David sat facing forward while Asher sat crooked with an arm thrown over David's shoulder. Both had been laughing. Milo and Darlin had been on the ground and back to back. Darlin had thrown up a rock sign with a small smile, attempting to no ruin the picture with their resting pitch face. Milo sat leaning on one knee, trying his best to look cool and composed.

To make a long story short. Both played dumb as to knowing each other for one reason or another. It wasn't till the Quinn situation, and Darlin coming back to the pack did the two start to speak. It took it all being over for them to finally become close again.

Back to the country thing

Hearing Sam speak for the first time really took them back especially at the end of their conversation with "Didn't your mama teach you not to talk to strange men in the dark, all alone?"

It felt familiar. It disarmed them and put then at ease. Sam's voice is something Darlin couldn't and still can't get enough of. They slip into an accent every once in a while. To them it feels right. Some slips happen in front of the pack and they've been teased for it. Sweetheart knows thr truth and is waiting eagerly to spill the beans on their country loving friend.

So... didn't mean for this to be as long as it is. Really putting a lot into Darlin's character cause it feels right. I like old TV. I mean sorta staticky box tv vibes. My grandfather was into a lot of it. My mom started me on LHOTP and I recently discovered a live channel for it and only it.

I really do apologize for how messy this all looks. It was an accident. Anyways, some bits and pieces of this will eventually be drawn out. Got weeks worth of stuff to do for this Fandom alone 😭

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted headcanons #redacted darlin #redacted tank #redacted sam #sam collins #redacted sweetheart #redacted milo #redunk universe

[the5n00k]

Trauma is not a competition (long post)

‼️Spoilers for the ghost and Molly McGee season 2!‼️

And 1 but that's a year old so I assume you've seen it already

Just like the title says, Trauma is Not a Competition. And somehow, Molly and Scratch understand that better than most people out there. Heck, better than most people I know in my own family. Let me explain:

All trauma is equal, if it traumatized you and changed you as a person, it doesn't matter what it is. It could be so much as a bad dentist visit or your house burning to the ground in front of your eyes. Trauma is trauma

I've heard some people imply Molly's trauma is not as bad as Scratch's because she's younger or hasn't endured the same pain of losing everything after death. But she did lose everything. Multiple times. Now I personally believe they've been through equally as terrible shit but even just saying that is reductive because it doesn't matter what my opinion is because trauma is equal.

For an in universe explanation of how the characters understand this concept, let's look at season 1:

As early as episode ONE, Scratch is empathizing with Molly. He doesn't remember Adia at this point or even care about Molly as a person, he just met her. But his expression changes in a very peculiar and specific way. He puts his walls up right after this though.

First Day Frights is a prime example of him going out of his way for her feelings that everyone points back to but what Really stands out to me are the two bandshell episodes and Saving Christmas. Molly gets repeatedly beaten down by circumstances out of her control and her positivity is sapped out of her. And it freaks him out. He can't stand to see her like this and does EVERYTHING in his power to return her "annoying" positivity. Perhaps he's empathizing subconsciously from a life full of disappointment? But regardless, he deeply cared about her problems from the very beginning. They mean just as much to him as they do to her

In Home is Where the Haunt is, he knows she's had to move a lot, leave behind a ton of friends, and that he means so much to her because she thought she'd never have to leave him. Everywhere she went, he was there because of the curse, he couldn't leave either and she must have unintentionally gotten security from that feeling, knowing he's always there. So when it broke, and she knew it broke, (she says "I've been thinkin..." she was probably thinking about the curse being broken for the entire month the month the McGees were homeless) he saw her worried and instantly comforted her. In the goofiest goofball way possible (while also low-key avoiding the issue) but that's just how he does things, he's not good with the feelings stuff so using humor is his next best option most of the time. But his "see? I'm not goin anywhere" was probably the most genuine we'd heard him be up until this point.

I don't know if he ever considered leaving but even then, what's the point now? He finally had everything he ever wanted and Molly needs him just as much as he needs her.

Moving onto season 2

Even in situations where he can't directly relate to her like in 100% Molly McGee, he tries his best to help her feel better. He's terrible at giving advice but he still tries his best. It really means a lot to me that even when he was bunging up the entire inspirational speech, he tried naming something he knew always cheered her up (that being "puppies")

He stayed up probably all night with her cramming in as much Thai education as he could with her just so she'd feel less inadequate around her family. Season 1 scratch wouldn't be caught DEAD (again) putting in that much work. He was even trying to help her through the dinner scene (even if they were both getting overwhelmed)

Most of the time, even if he can't directly relate, Scratch does Everything he can to make Molly feel better and that's the sign of a good friend. That's emotional maturity I wish more people had quite honestly. Now I've rambled about this dumbass (/affectionate) enough, where's Molly fall on this?

Well first of all I'd like to start this by saying she literally separated her soul from her body to save him so girlie is also willing to do Anything for him.

But most of her emotional encouragement comes from season 2, let's take a look.

A Soda to Remember is a good example of this. For as much as she really wanted to learn more about Scratch, she understood how scary it must be to suddenly remember a past you've completely forgotten. She was willing to let him make the choice himself and that is HUGE emotional maturity for a 13 year old. Like some adults will pry more than her, but she's more than okay with giving him his space if he wants it, even after putting in all this effort to get him this soda. It could have been a huge waste of time for her but she was still willing to give him a choice and to me that just solidified how far they've come as best friends.

Now here's the really spoilery part, PLEASE don't read until you've watched All in the Mind

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You have? Okay, good. Anyways

Molly is once again (understandably) thrilled to learn more about Scratch by experiencing his memories first hand. I've actually had a talk like they had on the boat with my family and friends that was very similar, she just wants him to open up and be honest about his feelings. Because keeping it bottled up (ha) is a recipe for disaster. She probably knows a lot about how much that hurts because despite all the pain she's endured, she has to keep this upbeat, chipper attitude to keep enhappifying others. She has to keep moving forward. I wish we got an episode where she just Acknowledged all the shit she's been through at such a young age but eh, beggars can't be choosers.

After Scratch admits he kept the Adia memory a secret, she isn't mad. She's just confused and a bit sad about it. She just somberly asked "why didn't you tell me?" She's a little hurt about it, obviously because she's his best friend, but she realizes how hard that must be to talk about, especially after how scared he sounded the entire time. And she reiterates what she told him in A Soda to Remember:

Then, they see the memory together.

(small aside, I think it's interesting with how many parallels there are to Molly and Scratch's relationship and Adia and [Scratch]'s relationship that Molly would see the blurry memory and ask "is that us?")

She saw the moving truck pull away, she knows now. She's been the one pulling away too. Countless times.

Both of them, regardless if it was s1 ep18 or s2 ep12(?)b, did NOT hold any resentment towards each other for being on the other side of the situation. A selfish asshole like scratch could very easily say "well how would you know? You're the one always leaving! You have no idea what it's like being the one who's left." but they're better friends than that. They both understand how much that entire circumstance SUCKS from either side. So she empathizes with him by mentioning how it feels to have people leave. Each time probably burned into her memory, no matter how short her time in any town was.

And she uses his own words to her to comfort his worry before he even expresses any. She recognizes how terrible that must have felt for him just how terrible it was that they had to move out of their forever home for a while. She remembered him comforting her after they moved back in and she began to worry about the broken curse. They both recognize how deeply hurt each other are by no longer having the people from their pasts in their lives. And they both reach out with nothing but empathy and understanding. They even extend the same care and compassion towards feelings they personally haven't experienced. Because they're best friends.

Might get a little personal here but I appreciate that they aren't one-upping each other constantly with whatever problem they currently have. I've had people do that to me and it's honestly discouraging and keeps me from opening up because it makes me feel like my problems don't matter. But their problems matter to each other, all of them. Even the stupid little problems they have, all of them matter

"If it upsets you, it matters" is something I've been told when I refuse to open up about something because I think it's dumb. And basically that's their entire relationship. If it bothers one of them, it matters to the other

I just think that's beautiful and a good, healthy friendship. Nothing is one sided, they both deeply care. They're both deeply flawed. Both deeply traumatized. Both deeply loving (platonically of course)

Ramble over, I have no idea if I got my point across At All because I had to stop writing this like. Three times to do something else lol but I think I got it. Hope you enjoyed me pouring my heart out because of Molly and Scratch. It will happen again. This is a threat

#the ghost and molly mcgee #tgamm #tgamm season 2 #tgamm spoilers #molly mcgee #scratch mcgee #i just care them so much #sometimes i cant handle it #theyre the best friends ever #theyre actually the best characters to ever exist #bold claim but im dying on this hill