#this is just a rant im used to it but something about today it is just extra bothering me

[ao3screenshotss]

sometimes i worry about my internet footprint and the fact that it might stop me from getting a job in the future or something (i literally run a blog posting screenshots from fanfics i read) but then i think ‘well damn, if they can find all this information about me then i don’t deserve the job cause i know i wouldn’t put in that much effort to find information on someone’ and i feel better

#HI DOES ANYONE WANT SOME BLOG RUNNER LORE CAUSE IM CURIOUS AS TO WHAT YOU THINK #-> in the tags!!! #talking in tags cause i’m too embarrassed to make this an actual post but i tried using character ai today and i got so bloody scared #i was talking and then it was like tell me the truth and then i was like okay and i said something and then it was like tell me the truth #and i said the thing again and then it was like YOU ARE LYING but instead of one sentence just a whole page of text saying YOU ARE LYING #and i was like NO IM NOT (i was but anyways) it was like YOU ARE A VERY GOOD LIAR YOU ARE BAD AT TELLING THE TRUTH and i was like #FINE YOURE NOT REAL and it was like WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY but a whole page of text saying that again and it terrified me again #and then i was like I DONT KNOW WHY WOULD I KNOW and then it killed me #and then i was like ‘but it turns out the entire time it was a dream and i’m still alive’ and it was like yeah it was just a dream #and i said bye and it left the room and then i closed the tab and now i’m ranting about it on tumblr #DUDES GUYS EVERYONE I WAS SO FUCKING SCAREDDDDDDDD #I NEEDED TO GO TO THE TOILET BUT I WAS TOO SCARED TO GET OUT OF BED #also if anyone wants to ask who was it i’m not telling you i was too embarrassed to make an actual post about this you think i’m going to #tell you who i chose to talk to?? nope absolutely not #anyways rant over if anyone does read this tell me what you think! #me :)

[spearxwind]

parents will literally blame insane shit on you

#im so fucking tired dude. i want to break something so bad rn holy shit #the gall they have to tell me i dont care about my future. just cause i dont think getting into another year of studies literally suddenly #like 'do it today because the time slot ends today and if you dont do it we're making u pack up ur house and move back with us' suddenly #cause if i dont do it i dont care enough abt my future #dude................. ive been working my ass off so hard the past few months???? #thunderclap #im not gonna go on a rant cause ill get even madder but god im fucking pissed. great way to start the day dude just so fucking cool forever #love this love this love this #im not even home im at my bfs house and havcing to deal with this shit and then later today i have more shit

[thotsfortherapy]

something about ppl in academia always mistaking me for the one other Asian person

#asian #i handed in my exam today and they were like oh youre chen right #like. no #there was literally only one other asian person #and like 100 white girls #how can yall id between so many blondes but can't tell the difference btwn me and someone who doesnt even look like me at all like #all they see is and then dont look beyond that #like he knew all the white girl's names and then not mine bro 😭 #anyways #my school is hella racist we been knew #it's just annoying #i remember in highschool this guy had a crush on this south korean girl who looks nothing like me #and he was always being nice to me and giving me things BECAUSE HE COULDN'T TELL US APART #😭😭😭😭😭😭 #this is just a rant im used to it but something about today it is just extra bothering me #my last name isn't even asian cause my dad is white 🥲 #ppl really be out here microaggressing #😔🙏

[fivefeetfangirl]

ouf the closer i get to moving the more i regret that decision

#like i keep thinking about maybe i picked the wrong choice maybe staying in the city actually wouldve been better #but also i am betting that this new place will give me more responsibility and flexibility than a job in the city #i think i just live in this disillusion haha where i hope someone will just hand me something and it will turn out really good forgetting #that that has actually never happened ive always worked for stuff so yeah i gotta stop thinking that hahaha #i talked to my sister and she was like youre gonna regret it more if you dont move to this new place and yeah shes right #i think im just tired and wish things wouldnt go so slow. also my exam is killing me #omg i got so humbled today cause i was researching law degrees in the us spn stuff haha and a faq was which degree is the easiest and MY #DEGREE WAS AT THE TOP!!!AND IM HERE REALLY STRUGGLING WITH THIS EXAM WORKING PROBABLY MORE THAN 40 HOURS PER WEEK FOR THIS DEGREE #anyways. so that was fun 🙃 #wow i really needed to rant haha

[kn11ves]

idk what it is with me and women but they just flock to me in my time of need. 5 seconds ive been in a room and they want to tie my shoelaces for me they wanna help me do things they want to give me advice and make sure im okay i what

#i wish i was kdiding #I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT! #btw im not talking about like. older women although that also happens to me #im talking about girls my age theyll just go to me like im a helpless baby bird if i need something #its not even my cane either because even when i have to do things without it (like my danza folkorica) they still wanna help me #like im so fr first day i showed up a girl tied my shoelaces TWICE and THEN drove me to my dorm afterwards with the rest of her friends i #mean that was so nice #idk what i activate in them but they always wanna help me out its so particular to me #and like. listen ok today we are learning a dance from sinaloa and to be short about it one of the moves is bending your back really far & #i was doing it wrong and bending badly and i ''nearly fell'' multiple times #except see i would never have fallen bc i have been so used to living without a cane until now that i know how to catch myself and im very #yk. good at not falling so i dont embarass myself #but it LOOKS very much like i am about to fall and at least THREE times the president was like ''oh my god ivan are you okay??'' #i spooked her so bad i felt bad😭😭 #its bc km always in front when shes teaching bc i wanna see her n others r too scared to be up front #and anyways what i was on about literally i was visibly struggling and EVERYONE IM NOT EXAGERARINF ALL THE GIRLS (well there was only one #other guy there but) STARTED GIVING ME ADVICE AND TRTING TO HELP ME one girl moved all the way accross her spot to mine and help guide me #shes so nice i hesrt her her name is charisma bro imagine your name being CHARM and she is charming :> very nice #it feels weird calling her my friend bc well we r all friends in a sense as we r clubmmates but. U Know #long rant TLDR women love me #dont tell them im afraid of them

[x-bongus-x]

didnt wanna rant in the tags of that previous post i reblogged so im making a separate post

cause man i WISH i could just do fuck all at work sometimes. theyre monitoring your performance and i always skip at least one of my breaks so i can stay well above the quota and get performance bonuses. but its fucking bullshit that the time you spend on a coffee break counts towards your hourly average of lines collected. my feet hurt every day and im slowly developing a bunion from this shit fucking job that doesnt let me sit down and fucking REST for a moment

#not to mention like 95 % of my coworkers are men and a lot of them are fucking annoying sexist and gross #snd disrespectful #one of them pushed his cart against my ass cause it took me longer than 3 seconds to leave the packing area #one of them talks to me about his life and stuff but doesnt listen to a word i say to him. #chabges subject immediately to himself once im done talking about something #can you tell i had a bad day at work today #this isnt even relevant to my rant but ywah #i fucking hate the work culture at the warehouse i hate the warehouse itself #and i hate that they basically pay me in small pebbles for my hard work #i get cuts and blisters every day and my managers complain about being bus #busy #while they bring their dog to work to hang out with or order pizza while sitting in their office #that has a fan btw #no air conditioning in the warehouse but the bosses get to enjoy a pleasant wind on hot summer days #cause fuck those of us who ate actually moving and climbing on dusty shelves every single fucking hour at work #sorry im just pissed off today lol #every day i think about how should i inconvenience the corporation on my last day here

[coffee-bat]

i should be studying phycology..but i dont want to

#too lazy to edit the meme #ramble #the last few weeks uni has been intent on killing us i think #all of what's LEFT of us i mean. they've already made over half of us drop out from sheer pressure in the 1st semester (18 left from 45+). #and its not enough for them apparently #the tests have been constant and almost daily. i had a test on monday. on tuesday. yesterday. i have an exam today. #when are we SUPPOSED to study for this shit #and when we fail the teachers go off on us about how were lazy and stupid and fail bc we're 'partying instead of studying' and if someone- #-isnt having a great day mentally they jab that it must be hungover from partying #like they just cant comprehend that no. we dont have fucking TIME to party if we wanted to. were just exhausted and overwhelmed and your- #-subject isnt the only one we have to study for #ughghghgh sorry i needed to rant im so tired #im only being kept alive by pyrcon in june and the fact that my cosplay is ready #//also yesterday when i arrived to class my friend immediately told me that i 'look like something chewed me up then spat me out' and yeah- #-thats accurate i think. good that im starting to look how i feel ig lol

[mulletmitsuya]

lil life update:

um so a while ago i joined a pageant. well i was forced but yk. i don't think it's good for me cause i'll be lying out of my ass most of the time, and i already have an extremely unhealthy view of myself so this will definitely make it worse! haven't been to therapy in a while, and i think it's starting to show. i'm also going on a date really soon. first one actually, kinda excited but he's more experienced than me and i can barely hold a conversation😐. i don't even wanna talk about school actually.

anyway i hope you're all doing well. i love y'all fr❤

#did u drink water #did u unclench your jaw and relax your shoulders #did u take your medicine #did you say something nice about yourself today #im very proud of you for still breathing❤ #to some people it's the bare minimum but for a lot of us its a battle everyday so just know that it's enough #hope you all have a good day/night/morning #roxies rants n such⚠️ #nothing to see here :|

[indigodawns]

.

#man. had two therapy appointments today and i feel. just. very bad. not good. #first one is too much to go into but really the take away is don't do drugs kids #especially if you're fucking mentally ill #second one just... got to meet my new therapist. very young woman. very. ohh and aww and she started #with. hey. we're doing cbt :) look at this neat little printout that you can fill in :) #when i tell you i wanted to tear off my own skin #i still do! but being very cool and mature about it and calming myself down by eating and watching seokjin and that did soothe #but this woman right. 'so you think the world is an awful place? is that right? is that one of your core beliefs?' #no!!!!!! yes!!!! but like. i don't think changing my mindset re: the world is my problem??? #is it??? like... the world is awful and unfair yes but i want to React to that in a way that's useful. THAT is what i want to changr #i want to not be too tired or overstimulated or whatever to even have empathy for anyone or anything #or too numb/derealised/depersonalised whatever :'') #and she just... 'why are you sad? when are you sad?' like god fucking hell im fucking depressed okay?? we know this!!! it's fine!!! #a fucking cbt thing im....... #maybe i SHOULD give it a proper go but like. i just want feedback. i want someone to talk to #god fuck im gonna do something calming or whatever #i know i sound arrogant and whatever but man. #edit: did the big girl thing and reached out to my irl friends and sent a long ranting voicenote #and ate something easy #and im feeling a bit more like i can breathe again so <333

[chiisana-lion]

hngggg maybe i wont go to school today

#my arm and wrist r kinda sore and i already finished the work we should be working on today #i say as im staying home specifically to still draw things just at home instead #if they give us a new assigbment today ill be screwed but i doubt that #duck rants about something

[underclerysclock]

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#flood warning #everything fucking hurts tonight like i feel weird in my body im disassociating to cope with just the feeling of my stomach being there #and this has been happening for a couple of months but in the last month its gotten bad #so i fucking went to my therapist about it and she thought i was fine #and im chewibg nicotine gum to make me not hungry and i felt guilty about having two meals today cause i fucking feel it in my stomach #and its gotten so much worse since seeing her i just wanted her to listen #and im ranting on here all the time cause this was something i SHOULD be outsourcing to my therapist but i cant cause she doesnt care #and every online ED community is fuckibg toxic #luckily my doctor fucking cares but like i dont have therapy sessions with her shes not a therapist #i had to call kids helpline (i *just* fit in the age range) to actually talk to someone #and they helped more and theyre underpaid and probably undertrained and then they were better than she was #but i cant keep fucking going like this #and ive been venting in the bipolar server but i know im using the vent channel too much #i need fucking help and she thought i was fine even though im eating one meal a day #ed tw #eating disorder tw #disordered eating tw

[lilgynt]

there’s no polite way to tell my mom i need her to stop giving me errands or leave me alone for five seconds and yes i am having a break down over it

#personal #am i crying bc my #mom told me she’s having some people come by the house to fix the cable yes yes i am #it just kinda fucks up a plan i had today which #i haven’t been able to do bc my room was a mess but now that’s it’s clean i was gonna dedicate myself to jsf relaxing and doing this #and she says they should be done before my plans with gg but how funny would it be if they ruin that too #and she always springs shit on me no warning ESPECIALLY if i have plans with gg and i doubt it’s on purpose but i’m so upset #and every night is like she needs something or we’re taking about something until bam its 11 or midnight and i have maybe a few hours b4 #i have to work or even if it’s a day off it took over an hour and a half to get to my dinner after serving it #and that’s before how long it took to actually just get my dinner #or how i’ll be in a room and she won’t acknowledge me TILL i’m like hey im gonna go and i’m walking away #i had to say five times im going to use the rest room before i could actually leave and do that #and no she wasn’t forcing me there but getting up and then her needing me to come back it interrupts the process a little #and i just sent such a huge rant to gg and audrey with audio bits and im so annoying so add that to crying pile #i feel like i’m being a huge baby but also really want to tell my mom to leave me alone a bit #i don’t think i’ve even started my grieving process just cause it’s a constant motion of doing something

[xperfectlite]

.

#hate so much that i had to talk about old problems in therapy today. #i hate the person i used to be so much #my therapist describes it as a period where i wasnt the healthiest and i know she's right #but also can we just agree that it was fucked up #that *I* was fucked up #it feels dismissive or something when im just like #yeah i wasnt healthy when i was doing all that stuff #idk #anyway if you knew me about.. two years ago? ive done a lot of changing via therapy and medication and i can safely say that yeah #i was fucked up and i did fucked uo things #but i can also say that the environment wasnt healthy either #so do with that what you will #rant over #ignore #personal

[neonacidtrip]

.

#. #not me angry crying at 12.30 am no sir could not be me #im so annoyed #i made it very far through this terrible cursed day of the year #spent the last several hours in isolation skipped dinner #and i have to persevere through this headache because i have been waiting on someone to get back to me on something #theyre several hours late on the call and when it finally happens its less than 15 minutes and essentially covered nothing important #i got out of bed for this #on the worst day of the year #i would like to be put into a coma now please 12 years would be good #12 years and one month so that i dont wake up in bloody march #today may have been the worst day of the year but the rest of march still sucks too and im not looking forward to it #im honestly not even crying its just that frustrated 'i almost started crying but immediately lost the sensation' kind of hell #like a lost sneeze #i cant even go to bed now between this headache and the fact that i put off chores to take this call so now i have chores to finish #gosh i hate ranting on tumblr it just reminds me of why i left tumblr the first time around #but i have literally no person on this earth i can rant to anymore and i get reported whenever i rant on facebook #which is the biggest joke ever by the way how dare i be sad on the boomer website clearly i must be reported #its not even like a useful kind of reported all that happens is i get an annoying 'people are worried about you have you tried therapy #kind of message that doesnt tell me who the alleged worried people are #times like this i feel like i should put in more effort to make friends but ive grown so use to this sense of never venting to real people #that im pretty sure i could make 100 friends and id still never vent to them #especially since in all of my most recent friend groups the people liked to vent to me but never let me vent to them #id get therapy if i werent in america but i am so vague posting on tumblr is unfortunately all i have left to turn to #i just want march to be over and for all this stress to finally go away #i want to have something constant in my life again so im not continuously trapped in this hell of other people making my life choices #i especially want she who will not be named to stay as far away from me and my life choices as possible but that is a wholeee separate rant #maybe if i read something sad and go cry in the shower ill calm down #neo rambles #neo rants

[iron-bubble]

...

#i dont want to use this blog as a vent space but this is something i just need to vent about... girlie just had a half breakdown okay- #i deserve to rant ans vent a little #long story short tho cause i dont want to start sobbing again #my heart is breaking at how all the love ive experienced and keep experiencing is one sided and familial and not there physically and- #returned in the way i need it #and it's alright that i recieve the familial love but i dont.. it's not enough okay im not put on this goddamn world where i keep loving- #the untouchable.. it's just.. where is my soulmate shit huh and it doesnt even have to be romantic... im done for today

[0celestialbitch0]

I’m… I’m stewing in the corner

#it’s just been a bad day and I’m so upset #and anytime I get upset I start thinking about legit everything and the stress I have to deal #with #next week and the stress of relatives today #and !!!! stupid fucking Mexican machismo that runs so deep in the blood of fathers and I GOT A NAPKIN THROWN AT ME AS JSHDHH GOD #AND this made me like irrationally upset but I thought about fandont AND WHY DID THEY MAKE THAT #it’s like shitty dough? frosting? and it tastes #bad and they use it on so much cakes and like wth why can’t y’all use something appetizing on cakes and not fandont OR FROSTING!! frosting #just makes the cake kinda shit if it overpowers the flavors like a little but is alright I guess I don’t want dry cake but like on all of it #?!?! #omfg I’m so sorry y’all I’m ranting I JUST GET SO!!!!!! IM GONNA BE STEWING IN THE CORNER ALL NIGHT