#this is actually the first time I've drawn soap

[mortal-kombattore-115]

The minissss

#this is actually the first time I've drawn soap #anyways uhhh trying out a new chibi art style idk how I feel about this #inspo was mostly sanrio and molang for the most part #Call of Duty #Modern Warfare #Simon Ghost Riley #John Soap Mactavish #call of duty modern warfare #ghostsoap #mortal's art

[happy74827]

Loosing Control

[Gideon Graves x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: Your love is a thing of magic. It's strong and apparently real and Gideon doesn't quite know how to deal with it.

WC: 2489

Category: Slight Lime/Spice {Gideon’s POV}

I’m actually surprised that so many people love my Gideon fics. The AMOUNT of anons I’ve suddenly started to receive this past week just because of this man is astronomical and I’m totally here for it!! (Also this gif got me feeling all types of things 🫣)

『••✎••』

Gideon Graves was at a loss for words. He didn't know what he had expected from this meeting, but it certainly wasn't this. He wasn't exactly in a position to be calling anyone out on the carpet, so to speak, but it had been at least an hour since you had burst into the office—pounding on the door, demanding to be let in—and Gideon had done nothing to stop you. Instead, he sat on his sofa, staring at you in silence. He'd already known you would be upset. He didn't need you to tell him that.

"Look," he said.

Gideon Graves was a genius. He knew that. His ability to multitask and think fast on his feet had gotten him far in his career and had garnered him numerous accolades and awards, from the Pulitzer to the Nobel Prize. And yet he hadn't expected you.

He wasn't sure what he had expected. You had been his assistant for nearly five years now. Gideon had made it clear from the beginning that he was not interested in anything more than a professional relationship between the two of you, but that didn't mean he hadn't thought about it. There was just something about you. The way your mouth moved when you were speaking. The way you stood so close to him in the mornings that he could smell the soap on your skin and the coffee on your breath.

"Just give me a minute," he said.

You blinked at him. "What?"

Gideon stood up and paced the room, adjusting his glasses and running his hands through his hair.

"There are so many things I want to say, but they all seem like the wrong things," he said. "I've never really been good with words."

You pressed your hand to your lips, shaking your head. "No, no, I get it. It's my fault. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here like this."

"You're not making this any easier for me, you know."

"No, I—I know." You drew your hand away, and your face flushed. You sat on the edge of the sofa, pulling your knees to your chest. "You don't have to make excuses for me or anything. I know I just barged in here."

"You always do that," Gideon said. He leaned his hip against the edge of his desk, resting his weight on his elbow. "You've been my assistant for five years now and you never knock."

You smiled. "You told me not to. You said I was always allowed to come into your office without knocking."

Gideon shrugged. He had been trying to get you out of his hair, to be completely honest. You had been such a nuisance—so nosy and needy and persistent—and yet he found himself drawn to you. He never meant for things to go this far. He was a lot of things, but unprofessional was not one of them.

He wasn't sure why you had come here. What you had possibly thought you were going to accomplish. Gideon Graves did not feel. Not in the way other people did. He could love, sure, but it wasn't in the traditional way. He could want and need and desire. But he wasn't capable of love. He hadn't loved his mother. He hadn't loved his father, though he had always been fond of the man.

Gideon had not loved you. Not at first. In fact, you had been an irritation, a nuisance. And yet, as time went on and you had learned to read him better, to anticipate his needs and desires, your presence became comforting. He liked being with you. He enjoyed listening to your voice, the way you laughed and smiled, and how you always looked so pleased with yourself, no matter how small the task you had completed.

"You have to understand," he said, "I'm not..."

Gideon searched your eyes. You were beautiful, he realized. You were soft and warm and kind, and he had never really thought of you as anything more than an assistant, but there was something about you now, something that made you look different. He couldn't quite explain it.

You were staring at him, your gaze fixed on his face.

Gideon cleared his throat. "You need to know what you're getting yourself into before we go any further."

Your brows drew together. "What do you mean?"

"I'm a broken man," he said, holding his hand in front of his face. He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends. "I can't promise you anything; I'm not... I’m not good at this sort of thing. You have to know that."

You tilted your head to one side, studying his face. He could see the worry in your expression. Gideon had seen that look before so many times. His father had given him that same look when Gideon had first told him he wanted to go to college. His mother had given him that same look when he had decided to move to Toronto alone. Even his own reflection in the mirror had looked at him with that same worried expression when Ramona had left him.

You looked at him as though you were afraid of him, but you didn't speak. You just looked at him, waiting.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he said, "and I can't promise that this will end up working out. It never has before, and it probably won't this time, either."

"Is this about Ramona?" you asked, your voice soft. "Is that what this is about?"

"No," Gideon said quickly. "That's in the past. That was... I was young and foolish."

"You weren't young," you said with a laugh. "I was literally there when you made the whole league thing. Then you got your ass—no offense—kicked by Pilgrim and that girl with the beautiful scarf.”

Gideon had never talked to anyone about that moment. He didn't talk about his failures, at least not when they were that severe. Even he had to admit that getting his ass kicked had been a bit of an embarrassing moment for him.

"Yeah, let’s not talk about that,"

You laughed again. "You know what this sounds like to me? It sounds like you're trying to talk me out of being with you."

"Well..." Gideon frowned, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I guess that's true."

Your expression softened. "That's because you think it's not going to work out, isn't it? Better not to try than fail, right?"

Gideon didn't speak.

You moved across the room, crossing the floor until you were standing in front of him. You placed your hands on his chest, sliding them up the sides of his neck and cradling his face in your hands. You were looking at him, searching his eyes.

"I know it's hard for you to trust people," you said, "but I've been by your side for five years, and you don’t need to use a chip for assurance that this will work."

“Wait a minute, hold on—”

You leaned into him, kissing his lips. You smiled against his mouth, giggling softly. You were kissing him. You were kissing him. You were actually kissing him, and Gideon didn't know what to do about it.

You pulled away and kissed him again, harder this time. You moved against him, pushing him back so that he fell against the edge of his desk. His heart was pounding in his chest. You had your hands on his shoulders now, pushing his coat from his body.

For once, Gideon didn’t have control, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He liked being in charge. It was what he was used to. He knew what he was doing and how to get things done. Yet, here he was, watching his jacket drop to the floor, feeling your hands on his body.

“Do you still think you need that chip of yours?” you asked, pressing your lips to his ear.

Gideon sighed, tilting his head back as you kissed his neck and his jaw. You were undoing his tie now, letting it drop to the floor.

“Listen, I had a perfectly good reason for that chip. Ramona, she was...I had a lot going on with her, and it just made sense at the time, but then—shit—I didn't mean—I didn't—this is—it's really complicated, okay?”

You were kissing him as he spoke. You kissed the corner of his mouth. You kissed his neck and collarbone. Gideon had to remind himself to breathe. He had to remind himself how to move. How to think. How to do anything.

"You really are all over the place," you murmured.

Gideon glanced at you, panting due to the lack of oxygen in his system. His eyes were full of you, the shape of your face, the sound of your voice. The curve of your nose. Your smile. Your lips.

You had your hands on his shoulders, that same soft, pleading look in your eyes. You looked at him as though you wanted something, and it was hard for him to deny you, but it wasn't that simple. It never was.

"I can't promise you anything," he said.

You nodded. "I know."

"I'm not the easiest person to be around. I don't even know how I'm supposed to...to..." He swallowed. "I just don't know how to do this."

You stepped away from him, taking your hands from his shoulders. You seemed to know the right thing to say. You always knew the right thing to say. "Don't worry about that right now."

Gideon turned from you. He needed to get a hold of himself. He couldn't be weak like this. He needed to be in control. He needed to focus.

"I need to get back to work," he said, rubbing his eyes with his hand. "We've been away for too long."

You stared at him for a moment. You seemed to be waiting for him to change his mind, but he didn't. He knew he needed to focus. He needed to do what he had always done. He needed to bury himself in work until it was all that consumed him, and there was nothing else to do but sleep and breathe.

"Okay," you said. “Okay, Gideon.”

He didn't look at you as you turned to go. You hadn't even given him a chance to ask you to stay. He couldn't look at you right now, so he didn't turn around as he heard you open the door, close it behind you, and leave.

You hadn't left him mentally, though. Not yet. He could still smell your perfume in the air. He could still see the shape of your body in the chair in front of his desk. He could hear the way you sighed, the way your voice had been soft when you had said his name.

Gideon needed to get back to work, but all he could think about was you. He didn't even know how he had managed to convince himself that it was a good idea to push you away. He did the opposite with Ramona, forcing her into his life until she was a part of him.

So why was it when you had actually wanted him, he had pushed you away?

It had never happened with anyone else, not like this.

Gideon reached up to his neck, touching the skin where your lips had been. It had only been a kiss, a simple touch, but he couldn't remember the last time someone had made him feel like this. You were so soft and kind and... beautiful.

He reached down for his fallen coat that you had tossed to the ground. He lifted it, carrying it to the back of the sofa. He picked up his tie, too, and placed it into the pocket of the jacket, folding it neatly.

There was so much he didn't understand about himself. There was so much he didn't know and would likely never know, but he knew how he felt about you. He could admit that to himself, at least, even if he couldn't admit it to you. Not yet.

“Idiot… Idiot.” Gideon groaned, burying his face in his hands. He sat down on the edge of the couch, falling onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling, his mind drifting back to you.

When Scott Pilgrim had won that battle against him, Gideon was left to wake up and realize that there was a whole world out there that he had no control over. It was a frightening thing for him to come to terms with, but there it was. The world was going on with or without him, and he couldn't change that.

You were there for him, though. You had always been there for him. You had been so soft and kind and gentle. His ego was completely shattered when Scott brought him to his knees, but you had been there for him, comforting him as he recovered emotionally.

And yet, that wasn't all you had done for him. You have helped him in so many ways since you started working with him. You were the perfect assistant—attentive, thorough, and never a bother. He could ask you to fetch anything for him, and you always had.

You also knew when he wanted to be left alone and respected his boundaries. He had to be very careful around people. If you use the wrong words or the wrong tone of voice, everything could fall apart. And it had—it was—with Ramona.

Ramona. It still hurt to think about her, but he could admit that what he felt for you was far different than what he had ever felt for Ramona. What he had felt for Ramona had been a sort of hyperfocus. That was what he told himself anyway. She made him feel things that no one else ever had, but it had never been real. And Gideon knew the difference. Ramona wasn’t love; it was obsession.

You were love. You made him feel so... so human. He didn't want to get into the nitty-gritty details of that, but you made him feel alive. You made him feel real.

Gideon sat up and crossed the room. When he was stressed, or upset, or upset because he was stressed, he found himself pacing. It was one of the few that helped him focus. As he paced, he glanced at the door, staring at the knob as he imagined you coming back through it.

That’s it, he thought. He needed to do something. He needed to go after you to make things right. Make sure that you knew he was serious. Make sure that you know what was at stake here.

Gideon wasn't good with words, but he knew that he would figure out a way. Figuring out ways to fix things had never been a problem for him.

He was the smartest man in the world. How hard could it be?

God, I need to learn how to write actual endings instead of leaving everything open 😭😭

Conclusions are the bane of my existence istg

#gideon graves #gideon graves x reader #gideon graves x female!reader #gideon graves/reader #gideon graves x yn #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim x reader #scott pilgrim x female!reader #gideon graves headcannons #x reader #reader #fanfic #fanfiction #scott pilgrim edit #scott pilgrim takes off #scott pilgrim fanfiction #scott pilgrim fanart #gordon goose #gordon goose x female!reader #gordon goose x reader #jason schwartzman #jason schwartzman x reader #spot spiderverse #spot spiderman #spvtw post #spvtw #spto #spvstw #spvtw fanfiction #lucky flickerman

[whateveriwant]

Heads or Tails

Summary: Ghost has undergone a lot of changes recently, many of which you find concerning. So you concoct a plan to try to bring the old Ghost back, the first and most crucial step: getting rid of that new mask.

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

Word Count: ~4.0k

Warnings: language, slight physical aggression, some uncool boundary crossing, my attempt to sound Bri'ish

A/N: Hello! So this is a new endeavor for me! I've never written for Ghost or CoD/MW before, but I've recently become obsessed with interested in the characters, and so wanted to give it a go. I was rushing a little to get this out, but I really hope you enjoy! :)

"Bet it's a fetish or somethin'."

Your neck nearly snaps as you swivel to the left, your eyes bugging at the Scot's words.

"Probably humiliation kink… Maybe breath play," Soap ponders aloud, eyes trained across the room pensively.

"Nah, mate. I reckon it's a bad trim, or some bad ink," Gaz adds from your right, making you pivot in your seat. "What'd you think? Tribal or teardrops?" He gestures to his own face, attention also drawn straight ahead.

As the two go back and forth positing ideas, your own eyes are finally steered to the figure in question. This conversation, like seemingly all the ones as of late, is centered around one topic and one topic only.

That damn mask.

While Ghost's signature masks are nothing new to the members of the 141, this one in particular has had you all scratching your heads for weeks. Much like his other balaclavas, this one is dark with a contrasting white skull, only this mask has one minor addition that none of the others have ever included: A big, bouncy puffball right on the top of his head.

When you first saw it, you honestly thought it was a joke; you were on a mission in the tundra, after all. But as you started to laugh, the sharp, deathly glare the Lieutenant gave you had you immediately snapping your mouth shut, averting your eyes out of respect.

Where he got that mask, you hadn't a clue, but you figured it would be just a one time thing anyway. However, that assumption turned out to be entirely wrong as Ghost continued to wear it again and again, no matter the mission conditions. Not only that, but he's also been exclusively wearing it around the base too; that is, whenever you do see him around the base. 

It's been weeks now and you haven't spotted him without that ridiculous mask once. If you didn't know any better, you'd say he wears it 24/7. But that can't actually be the case unless he likes waterboarding himself with every shower, which if he does, then good for him, you guess.

Though you have a lot of questions you'd like to ask the Lieutenant, the one eating at you the most is why. Why the switch up? Why the obsession with this specific mask? Why all these little changes you've noticed about him over the past several weeks?

Because that's the thing. Beyond the pom pom, there's something about Ghost that's been… different. Better, even, in some regards, but there's also been a massive decline in others. 

Out in the field, he's shown significant improvement. His aim has been sharper, his knife skills cleaner, hell, even his walk has been more sure-footed. While Lieutenant Riley has always been the cream of the military crop, for the last several weeks, he's been on another level.

Off the field, however, is a different story entirely. Instead of the man you thought you knew, it's like you hardly recognize Ghost anymore. He's been much more curt, closed off, and dare you say, a downright cunt to you all, and that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of all the other discrepancies you've noticed with his character. 

Like why has he been avoiding the team much more than he ever used to, or why does he immediately shut down any attempts at getting close with him? He's never been an incredibly open or approachable man per se, but it's like he's gone full blown antisocial recluse now.

The sudden switch in his behavior just didn't make sense to you, so you tried casually bringing it up to Price one day, hoping maybe he had an explanation that would help piece things together. In response, however, your Captain simply shrugged his shoulders, dubbing the mask Ghost's "good luck charm" that must've just gone to his head. 

While you didn't necessarily have a better answer yourself, Price's conclusion wasn't good enough for you to accept as the truth. Maybe a lucky rabbit's foot or good luck coin or whatever could explain away Ghost's overnight tactical improvements, but it didn't answer the why of everything else. 

Why has Ghost changed so much?

As you reflect, the sound of Gaz and Soap's continued discussion slowly brings you back to the present, making you blink out of your stupor.

"...been acting all off. Like he's… paranoid or something," you hear Gaz say regarding Ghost. "Like, the other day for instance, when we got dropped off back at base, I swear, as soon as his boots hit the ground, he was booking it like he was about to get shot." 

Well, that's certainly a relief. Not that Ghost is acting strange, but that at least you're not the only one to notice.

"I thought maybe he was just sensitive to the floodlights – those things were ruddy blinding that night – but when I tried to catch up and ask him, you'd think I was chasing him from how fast he ran," Gaz adds.

Though that's a bit unexpected on Ghost's part, you suppose it's not all that uncharacteristic anymore. He's been increasingly aloof nowadays, and while you're not totally sold on Gaz's paranoia claims, you definitely see the cause for concern.

"Y'know, I think you're on to somethin'," Soap agrees with Gaz's conclusions. "Just the other night, 'round two in the mornin', I caught him rummagin' around the kitchens like he was afraid to get caught."

"Hold on," Gaz interjects, craning his head to face the other Sergeant. "What were you doing in the kitchens at two a.m.?"

"Mind yer business, that's what," Soap huffs, waving his hand dismissively. "But anyway, even then he was still hidin' beneath that bloody mask. I cannae even remember that last time I saw him without it," he says, almost dejectedly.

You can't remember the last time you did either, though you're not as beat up about it as Soap is. The man seems to have a certain fascination with staring at his Lieutenant's bare face that you can't say you totally relate to. 

As Soap continues thinking to himself of when last he saw Ghost without his mask, he suddenly snorts, smiling as he tells you, "Y'know, I once tried to break in his room and steal that thing while he slept, but the lad has some unpickable locks on his door, I tell ya," he chuckles.

"Oi, you mental or something?" Gaz's voice pitches up. "Trying to steal his mask? You'd be lucky if he didn't string you up by your bollocks just for thinking it."

Soap scoffs, peeking over from the corner of his eye. "Oh, come on. Like you've never?"

"I'd like to keep my boys securely attached, thank you." Gaz shifts his weight at the uneasy thought, grimacing slightly.

That has Soap turning fully in his seat, making to confront Gaz head on. "So you're tellin' me you like the new mask? That you don't want to see the fucker gone?"

Gaz shakes his head, mirroring Soap as he similarly turns to face him. "I didn't say that. I'm just as tired of looking at it as you are."

At that, Soap throws his hands up, letting out an exasperated breath. "So let's do somethin' about it!" he exclaims, calling back to his attempted theft.

"Like what?" Gaz huffs. "You want me to ask nicely? 'Ghost, would you please lose the mask? There's only room for one ugly hat around here, and Price has already filled that niche. So sorry.'"

As the two Sergeants continue to bicker over the top of your head, you keep your eyes on Ghost who's still in the room. Thankfully, he appears to be completely oblivious to the animated discussion happening around you. You don't think he'd enjoy hearing how his teammates want to throw his mask in an on-fire garbage bin.

Gradually, your attention starts to drift away from the conversation at hand until you're right back at your earlier conundrum: trying to figure out Ghost's deal. 

Why has he been acting so different as of late? What could have brought on such a drastic change in his behavior? As you think, Soap and Gaz's words lightly filter through your mind, and suddenly, the answer becomes blatantly obvious. 

What's the common denominator in all of this? What seems to be the root cause of all this discourse? It all comes down to one thing and one thing alone.

That fucking puffball mask of his.

Ever since he got that new mask, there's been a never ending stream of changes with Ghost, most of which you'd argue are for the worse. You know it's silly to cast blame on such a normally inconsequential scrap of fabric, but at this moment, there's nothing else that makes sense in your mind.

Maybe the change is because his brain is being squeezed too tight or maybe he's been having a constant bout of heat stroke these last few weeks. Whatever the reason, you can see how wearing that mask has negatively affected him, and you're eager to see that rectified.

"I've got it!" you pipe up for the first time, interrupting the Sergeants who are still verbally going at it. You look between them both before once more bringing your gaze back to Ghost. "I know what to do," you say confidently.

Though the old Ghost you knew has been M.I.A. recently, you don't think he's truly gone, not permanently anyway. He's just been squirreled away for the time being, trapped in a cage of woven black thread. You just hope that, with a little luck and a lot of planning, soon…

You'll be able to set him free again.

~~~~~

You peek impatiently around the corner, seeing Gaz standing at the end of the hall. When he notices you, he shakes his head, turning back to keep watch like directed. 

Annoyed, you check your phone again. Soap said they were on their way five minutes ago. You know it's a maze of passageways between here and there, but still, they should've shown up by now. 

At its core, your plan is simple, but so many pieces have to come together for you to pull it off successfully. One screw up and it all comes toppling down, and you doubt you'll ever get a chance at a redo.

Another 30 seconds pass before you're checking on Gaz again, the man keeping a silent sentinel against the wall. The trap's been set, all you have to do is sit back and wait. But you're not sure how much longer you can handle until you go mad.

Just as you're about to text Soap for confirmation again, Gaz perks up, turning and nodding over at you. Before he can be spotted by anyone else, he slips into the room at his back, quickly closing the door shut.

Finally! It's time. Operation Unmask is a go.

You stoop to pick up one of the items at your feet, counting down from 20 as you hear a pair of heavy boots slowly approach your position. When you finally reach zero, you suck in your breath. It's now or never, baby.

Right before the figure can descend on your hiding spot, you pop out around the corner, colliding directly with the man you'd expected to find. Ghost grunts in surprise at the blunt contact, that damn pom pom on his head bouncing as he stumbles slightly.

"Oh, sorry!" you call out innocently. "Didn't see you there." It's not exactly a lie. You struggle to peer around the tower of boxes in your arms, stacked high enough that you can hardly see a thing ahead.

Ghost grunts again as he takes in the scene you've laid out, thankfully seeming to accept it at face value. "Careful," is all he says, moving to continue in the direction he was headed.

"Oh, uh, actually—?" you stop him before he can escape. "Sorry, but… Do you think you could…?" You shift the boxes deliberately in your hold, hinting at the favor you mean to ask. "If you don't mind. They're really heavy."

This plan all hinges on whether or not Ghost will take the bait. Though he's been less than charitable recently, in the past, he used to be quite helpful to you in particular. That's why you're the one who had to ask for his help. You knew that anyone else, he'd decline immediately.

But you can tell Ghost is hesitant to agree to assist you now, not only because of his recent change in character, but because he was currently preoccupied.

"Price is waitin' for m—" he starts to give the excuse Soap had fabricated to lure him out of his room.

"Please," you cut him short, pretending your situation is dire. "It'll be quick. I just need to get these to my office." That's where you pulled them from initially, filling them with whatever junk you could find to weigh them down. Soap and Gaz weren't thrilled to have to lug them all the way over here, but you had to make them heavy to be convincing, you'd told them.

As if on cue, out of the corner of your eye, you see Soap finally make his appearance at the end of the hall. He turns the corner Ghost had come from earlier, having successfully tailed the Lieutenant all the way from his room undetected. Gaz's timing is also stellar as not a second later, he carefully opens and exits the door Soap passes by.

Luckily, Ghost doesn't seem to notice the two Sergeants quietly lurking behind him – a blessing since, sometimes, you swear he has a pair of eyes in the back of his head. 

He considers you for a moment, staring at the stack in your hands, glancing at the others still by your feet. Though you can sense he's warring with himself, another light 'please' from your lips has him caving with a sigh.

As Ghost bends to grab one of the box towers, that's when Soap really makes his move. The Scot creeps forward until he's within arm's length of Ghost, hand outstretching as he reaches towards the Lieutenant's head. Just before he can close his fingers around the mask – intending to snatch and run, the fastest of you three – Ghost does something that surprises you all.

Without even looking, Ghost suddenly jerks away from Soap's grasp, ducking at an almost unnatural speed and angle. At first, it's like he doesn't even realize what's happened himself, but then he turns and sees Soap standing there, hand caught right in the cookie jar.

"What the fuck d'you think you're doing, MacTavish?" Ghost asks roughly.

Soap blinks dumbly, shocked by Ghost’s quick reaction. "S-Sir," he stutters, his brain trying to catch up with his mouth. "Just… thought… I… saw a piece of lint," he makes up the fib on the spot, then boldly reaches towards the mask again.

Once more, Ghost evades his reach, leaning far back like he's in The Matrix. He growls and slaps Soap's arm down. "You wanna keep that hand, Sergeant?" he rumbles.

In response, all Soap can do is nod his head, baffled into a state of silence. 

"Then fuck off," Ghost warns him not to try again. He then nods towards the pile at your feet. "Or better yet, make yourself useful and pick up a box." 

Still in a trance, Soap immediately complies with the Lieutenant's order. The two grab a respective stack, Ghost directing Soap to walk ahead as he no longer trusts him where he can't see him.

Fuck! This is not at all what you envisioned. This train is rapidly going off the tracks, heading straight over a cliff.

But thankfully, you have a potential backup in place, and Gaz quickly makes his way over as he sees things running amok.

"Ghost?" he captures the attention of the growingly irritated man, who stops and turns at the sound of his voice. "Uh… your shoe's untied," Gaz mumbles once he's under the intimidating gaze of Ghost, and your eyes fall shut at the lame excuse.

Christ, this is all going to shit. There's no way you're going to pull this off.

Somehow, though, Ghost chooses to check Gaz's statement, and he cranes his head down to inspect his boots. "No," is all he says, seeing his laces clearly intact. But before he can stand back up, head still down turned, Gaz takes his opportunity before it can slip away.

Gaz tries to grab for the bloated puffball wobbling in his face, but just like before, Ghost seems to have a sixth sense for it. Again, he bends out of the way, spectacularly agile, and shoots a glare at the Sergeant's gall.

"You out of your fuckin' mind? What's gotten into you lot?" Ghost accuses the three of you, turning to look at you all, becoming increasingly suspicious of what you're doing.

Shit fuck ass balls. You need to act fast. He's starting to catch on. 

Panicked, you do the first thing that pops into your head, dropping the boxes to the floor with a thunderous thump. Ghost's head snaps in your direction, eyes wide in confusion, and they only widen more as you purposefully knock the boxes out of his hands too.

"Whoops!" you exclaim and swiftly crouch down, starting to pick up all the bits and bobs that spilled out.

Gaz realizes your intent and quickly follows suit, stooping down to help you clean up the mess. It's a few seconds before Soap catches on as well, and then all three of you are on your hands and knees, crawling around like a pack of vermin.

"The fuck's the matter with you bunch?" Ghost exhales, unable to make sense of the unfolding chaos. Nevertheless, though, he begrudgingly lowers himself down, electing to assist despite his growing skepticism.

As you go about cleaning up the mess you made, you try to covertly catch the eyes of your accomplices. Without words, you ask them which one is going to make a move, who'll grab for the mask next, but both seem a little reluctant at trying their hand again.

Ugh, whatever. You'll just do it yourself then. Really, how hard can it be?

Slyly, you creep around until you have a good vantage on Ghost, his back partially turned to you. You edge closer and closer until you're nearly bumping into him, pretending to still pick up the items scattered around. Then slowly, so incredibly slowly, you raise your hand up, reaching towards the back of Ghost's mask. Just as your fingers graze the fabric, pulling it up a mere centimeter, Ghost jolts, springing to his feet with a start.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he yells.

"What's wrong with you?!" you fire back, your frustrations boiling over. You pop up to mimic his stance, throwing all stealth to the wayside as you figure the jig is up anyway. "We're just trying to help you."

"Help me?" he sneers. "Like hell. You're out to fuckin' get me."

There he goes again with the paranoia Gaz proposed. Though maybe, in this instance, he's not entirely wrong.

"You think we haven't noticed the differences with you? How much you've changed recently?" you continue. "We can see what that thing's doing to you. You'd be better off without it."

Ghost shakes his head in wild perplexity. "The hell are you on about?"

"The mask, L.T.," Soap rises to his feet. "Take it off," he implores.

"Who the fuck d'you think you are giving me orders, Sergeant?"

"It's just a mask, sir, and we've all seen you without one before," Gaz joins the showdown. "What have you got to lose?"

Ghost looks between each of you angrily, pointing an accusatory finger at you all in turn. "You're all way out of line! Get the hell back," he urges as you three start to close in.

"Why d'ya always hide from us now? I thought we were friends, L.T." Soap reaches forward, his hand immediately swatted away.

"Ghost, really, the thing's a bloody eyesore. Just get rid of it." Gaz tries his luck, only to be met with the same result.

Again and again, you all try dislodging the mask, descending on Ghost like a pack of rabid animals. With each swipe and stretch, he expertly dodges your attacks, bending and batting you away like pests.

"Quit fuckin'—!"

"Just let me—!"

"Oh, for cryin' out loud!"

The scene is total, unbridled chaos – voices raised, arms entangled, rubbish littered all over the ground. You three push forward on Ghost until he's backed into the wall, trapped with no way out. He fights and fights, the pom pom jostling around perilously, until finally, bitterly, he's overcome.

Soap gets his fingers hooked under an edge of the mask, and he yanks, pulling it all the way off. For the first time in weeks, Ghost's face is revealed to you all, and you'd be ecstatic if not for one detail that has you freezing.

Is that a…?

No, it can't be. You must be imagining things.

Actually, that looks kind of real. Holy shit, that's definitely real!

Oh my God! Is that a—?

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT?!"

You, Gaz, and Soap all jump back in horror at the sight before you: a plump, little, white rat nestled atop Ghost's head. The rodent seems just as shocked to see you as you are it, and it lets out a small squeak as you lock with its beady eyes, tiny fingers clinging to Ghost's hair.

"Aaaahhh!" Soap unleashes a girlish shriek, dropping the mask as he rears back.

"What the fuck, Ghost? No really, what the fuck?!" Gaz asks dumbfounded, hand coming up to cover his mouth.

Before anyone has a chance to fully process what they're seeing, the rat tugs on Ghost's hair, moving him to scoop up his mask from the floor. He's guided to shove the fabric back on his head, perhaps a little more roughly than intended, because you hear a pathetic squeak ring out as he does.

He points his index finger at you in a threatening manner, the holes over his eyes slightly askew. "Not a word," he grumbles, spinning on his heel. "Not one fuckin' word!" 

And just like that, he takes off down the hall, a fat, pink tail sticking out from under the back of his mask. It takes a moment before you even realize your mouth is still wide open, and you close your jaw with an audible thud. 

Vaguely, you hear Soap muttering behind you, near tears as he cowers against the wall. "Steamin' Jesus, I think I touched it! Did— Did it bite me? Am I bleedin'? I think I'm bleedin'!" he blubbers hysterically.

"Nah, you're alright, mate! You're alright!" Gaz tries to comfort him, unsuccessful as he’s also rattled.

As the two huddle together in the corner, you're left staring after Ghost's rapidly fleeing figure, trying to pick up the pieces of your newly fractured reality. 

That… was… 

Honestly, you're not sure what the hell that was.

A rat? That rides on Ghost's head? Controlling his every move and muscle? You guess that explains a few things about his behavior recently, but mostly, it just leaves you with more questions than answers.

Where the hell did he get that thing? How the fuck does it work? Why did he even think to test it out in the first place?

Actually, on second thought, no, you don't want to know. You've seen enough for one day, or really, one lifetime. 

At the start of this, you thought you had such a great plan to unveil – one that would simply reveal the "true" Ghost again. You didn't realize that in the process of trying to set him free, you would release a whole other beast, literally. And while at your core you still believe your intentions to help were good, you realize now that, perhaps…

Some things are better off hidden.

__________

A/N: Squeak squeaker squeaky squeak! [Translation: Happy April Fools!]

It figures that my first venture in this fandom is a crack fic. I expected nothing less lmao. But anyway, I'd love to know what you thought! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!

#simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x you #simon riley fanfiction #simon riley fanfic #ghost mw2 #cod mw2

[basket-of-cats-and-witches]

Comfort, Part 4: Halsin

This one's a bit heavy, a bit melancholy, a little bittersweet. I actually write these when I'm having a bad day, you know, to comfort myself.

I hope they do the same for you.

If you like my works, please reblog them. It helps spread them to other people who might like something soft to read as well.

(and if you haven't read the others, Wyll, Gale, and Astarion are all up already.)

----

He finds you hiding in the washtub.

He prefers to be under the stars, usually, but tending to the needs of orphaned children sometimes requires you two to stay in a nearby inn.

Today has been disheartening.

He doesn't say anything, at first.

You're naked, your face pressed against your drawn up knees, and at some point you stopped caring that the water was getting cold.

Your tears practically scald your cheeks, regardless.

He kneels beside the basin, and any other time you'd laugh and tease him about the way his knees crack loudly.

Another quiet sob wracks your form. You have to keep it in, lest the sound of your distress break you fully.

You are barely keeping it together.

His fingers graze the surface of the water, and it begins to steam.

“May I touch you?” He asks gently, and somehow you find the strength to nod.

His palm is hot against your shoulder. “Lean back, and I'll wash your hair. Please.”

You nod again.

Dipping his hands into the water, he wets them before lathering up the soap. His fingers drag comfortingly through your hair. Pulling just enough to anchor you.

His fingers catch on a tangle, and you wince. The apology on his lips is unneeded. The feeling strangely anchors you.

As he gently undoes the tangle, so are you.

The twisting knots in your chest loosen, and you can breathe once more.

The tears fall faster despite it.

Halsin presses a kiss to your shoulder, breathes in, and begins to speak.

“I know today was…difficult. Nature presents us with many challenges, and this was…” he sighs, a deep sound that wooshes out of his lungs and chills your damp shoulder. “This was an especially hard one.”

You laugh, but it is a hollow sound. “There were so many,” you whisper. Halsin presses his fingers against your scalp, massaging it, and you close your eyes against the feeling. “I don't know how we can help them all. I feel like I've failed them.”

His hands dip back into the water, and it is blissfully hot against your skin.

They return to your hair.

“You haven't. We are working against time, the most fierce and stubborn creature of them all. The ones you've helped will have hot food tonight, dry clothing, and warm blankets. It will give them hope for tomorrow.”

“And the ones I couldn't? When we ran out of supplies, when there was no more?”

He finishes lathering your hair, gathering his words. Even now your bond remains close, and all he has to do is tap your shoulder for you to lean forward, a bucket of hot water sluicing over you.

It is a welcome relief. The dirt and grime of the day washes away, and the loud sound of water drowns out your heavy thoughts.

He refills the bucket.

“We must simply hope that someone has the same kindness that we try to give. Nature is a cruel mistress. She takes and takes, and the snap of winter’s kiss takes many victims.

It is up to us to do as much as we can, to encourage others to do the same.”

“I don't know if I have that faith that you do.”

The water spills over you again, just hot enough to make you sigh, as it strips you to your skin, to your bones, to your core.

It stings, and it is a welcome relief.

Halsin slicks the hair back out of your face, his touch tender.

“Tell me. Why did you choose to come with me?”

He picks up the sponge and lathers it meticulously.

“I needed to feel as if everything we'd done was worth it. That I was worth it. All the accolades we received, and the rejoicing…and all I could think about was the blood on my hands. The families who were left behind. We won, but at what cost? I needed…I needed…”

“Hope?” He supplies.

You nod. Your hands are slightly reddened from the heat of the water. “Hope.”

He runs the sponge across your shoulders, along the back of your neck.

“I cannot give you what you seek,” he sighs. “Such instant gratification is not easily found in this journey. However, I encourage you to take heart. Every week we receive letters from our friends, telling us of how they are doing, how alive they are. You could not get away from the flowers raining down in the streets fast enough, when people were celebrating.

This work is not for the faint of heart. But take comfort in those you have already helped. The rest will come in time.”

He kisses your cheek, smiling as you do. “And until then, I will be by your side, as you are by mine. Nature has brought you to me, and bears are protective, guarded creatures by nature. I would not give you up so easily. So I encourage you to do the same for them.”

He rinses your skin, and you smile softly. The pain and trouble still lingers, of course. Such worries are not easily set aside.

For now, however, this is enough.

You take comfort in what you can.

“Halsin?”

“Hm?”

“Join me?”

He smiles, and his eyes darken slightly into an inviting honey-gold.

“Of course, my heart.”

#my writing #bg3 #halsin #bg3 spoilers #just a little but it's post endgame stuff #halsin x reader #halsin x tav #I hope y'all have a lovely day/night

[flamemittens]

For the bhaalspawn asks:

OK but how does Durge actually view relationships and romance?

From the 9th Edition DU asks here!

Gortash x F!Durge. 900 words.

A/N: So...this got a little out of hand. I'm not even sure if I've answered the question as I got lost in the sauce™, but have this silly thing anyway :)

The weather could have been better tonight.

Admittedly, the trellis that facilitates the climb up to Gortash’s chambers is more difficult to scale in the heavy rain, but she completes her ascent with relative ease, dropping onto the terrace.

There is no need to pick the locks on the doors—in a touch of perhaps foolish confidence he tends to leave them open these days—thus the only challenge is to enter quietly. She slips inside through half-drawn curtains, and pulls the doors shut behind her.

The light in here is low, but her eyes make the adjustment.

Then she sees him.

Enver is fast asleep on one of the large chaises by the fireplace, head back, feet planted on the floor, chest rising and falling. Free of his usual finery, he is simply dressed in a half-open black shirt and trousers. She pads softly over to him intending to wake him up, but…something stays her hand. She stands there frozen in place, a tightness in her chest, and imagines the lifeblood flowing through his veins. Considers him in his vulnerability. Considers them.

She has no point of reference, no guide for how all this is supposed to go. It was never meant to be like this. It’s been an evolution, a negotiation. Communication shifting from parchment to in-person, from neutral locations to between his sheets. Gifts viewed with suspicion at first, then reluctantly accepted. An unwelcome distraction—and indulgence—morphing into a welcome one. A meeting of minds, a push and pull. It is both delightful, and confusing.

She wonders if this is what it is like for everyone.

Truthfully, Enver Gortash is the only friend she has ever had. She smiles, thinking of what Sceleritas would say to that statement—the butler is devoted, and not fond of her Banite.

Her reverie is broken however as Enver chooses this moment to wake up; he gives a brief start, then relaxes, as he looks up at her with a level of softness she’s never seen before.

Something twists painfully in her chest as she realizes he is relieved the interloper is her when he should be afraid—it digs in alongside everything else she carries. She is struck once again by the thought that he has not been afraid of her for some time now. If he ever was. He’s not even surprised.

“Good evening, my dear Bhaalist” he says calmly, voice still raspy from sleep. He reaches out a hand and pulls her closer. “Why are you wet? You’re soaked through.”

“It’s raining outside. I was caught in a downpour.”

A resigned sigh signals his acceptance as he runs a hand across his face. “When it comes to you, it could be worse, I suppose.”

He stands up. “I shall call the servants and have a bath drawn for you.”

“There’s no need. Do not bother them.”

“Nonsense, I insist. For the sake of my new rugs, if nothing else. And I do so enjoy you smelling of my soaps.” He leaves the room, returning a moment later.

“Good. They are seeing to it now.”

“Enver?”

“Yes?”

“Why?”

He frowns and then turns to the fireplace, tossing another log into the flames. “Why what? My dear, as much as I enjoy puzzling you out, you’re going to have to give me more to go on.”

“Why do you care for me?” The question is neither simple nor complex, and it slides off her tongue like liquid before she can stop it. He has his back to her, but she catches how he briefly freezes, a sudden and subtle tension in his shoulders that he expertly dismisses before he continues. She has cornered him—not something that she achieves often with this man who is always several steps ahead—and bent their unspoken rules.

“So, you have decided to ask me all the difficult questions tonight, hmm?” He has opted, of course, for deflection.

“Oh, it’s a difficult question, is it? Should I be offended?”

“You know that’s not quite what I meant.”

“But that’s what you said.”

“Gods below. Well, it certainly isn’t because you infuriate me with disconcerting regularity.”

“No.” She grins slyly. “It’s in spite of that.”

He barks a laugh, then regards her for a moment before continuing.

“Now, while we wait, how about I show you what I’ve been working on today. And after we’re all done, perhaps you can give me the pleasure of your company until morning?”

“Lord Gortash, do you say that to all the guests you host in your personal chambers?”

He closes the distance between them, and gently grips her chin in his calloused fingers, tilting her head from side to side. She hopes to pass the inspection. Granted, there are times when she wants him to be the Chosen of Bane, but others where she prefers him to be Enver. Tonight, she finds she wishes for the latter.

“No” he murmurs after a spell, releasing her. “Only the ones who show up at near midnight drenched from head to toe, drip all over my upholstery, force me to call the servants to prepare a bath, and ask me questions.” He smiles down at her.

Enver it is.

She mirrors his expression. “That sounds awfully tiresome. You must suffer so.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Very well” she replies, leaning closer and patting his chest. “Tell me about your day, if you must.”

#durgetash fluff :) #asks #dark urge asks #oc: morgayne #the dark urge #enver gortash #durgetash #flamemittens writes

[meowmeowriley]

Hi! First ask ever and English is not my native language so sorry if i mess up something or sound strange.

Please, i need to know more about 4, 5, 9, 12 and 13 of your wip list. Anything you want to tell because i am frothing at the mouth at all of them but 4, 5, 9, 12 and 13 in particular.

Thank you thank you thank you! I'll give you a little bit of each of those fics! ❤

4) Oh, Brother. Funny thing about this fic, it was supposed to be a one-shot 😅 too many people liked it though, so I had to keep going. I actually just uploaded a new chapter today! A little summary - Soap and Ghost's families think they need help getting together, so they organize an aquarium date! (Plot twist, they did not need the help, but they loved the excuse to be around one another) It was my first attempt at keeping the boys in character, I think I've done okay.

5) I Don't Think We're in Space Anymore. Oh look at that, another one that was supposed to be a one-shot. Honestly this fic is the one I've put the most effort into. There's a ton of art linked to the fic, drawn by myself and my friend. Ive even been working on a hand written Journal for Soap for this AU. Pictures of those pages are in the fic, and here on Tumblr. Ghost is a shape-shifting alien, and Price decides to keep him. He's violent and destructive, and he's viciously protective of his team. Gaz and Ghost bond over star gazing, Ghost and Soap are both insanely horny for one another, and Laswell pretends she's not as attached to Ghost and his alien quirks as she actually is. (She loves him dearly.)

9) Is That Gonna be a Problem? This is the fic that was supposed to be my first attempt to write a realistic and in character version of the boys, but then Oh, Brother happened. In it, Ghost had met Johnny and his twin sister Jenny when they were kids, and decided to reconnect as an adult. It's going to follow Simon and the MacTavish twins as they get to know each other, and eventually how Simon and Johnny got together. And then of course, the 141 learning that they were together the whole time.

12) Outlaw Outta Time. I absolutely love Red Dead Redemption 2. One day I had the thought that Dutch Van der Lind would absolutely love Phillip Graves, and the idea grew from there. Its gonna have Ghost, Soap, Alejandro, and Rodolfo getting mixed up with the Van der Lind gang, looking for Graves, and trying to go home. All the while Arthur watches (established relationship) Ghost and Soap, and is jealous because he's been pining after a certain clumsy photographer (Albert Mason) but won't allow himself to have him. This story is another that I want to make a Journal for Soap, and also one for Arthur, so it's going to be a hell of a lot of work, and I'm excited for it! 😁

13) This one, I have the least for you. It doesn't have a name, all I have is the idea. I myself use they/it pronouns, and I honestly think Ghost would too. For this fic, Ghost would've been born female, had top surgery, and takes testosterone. Ghost is aware they present male, and therefore never corrects anyone for using male pronouns. Soap is straight. He's sure of it. Except Ghost gets him all hot and bothered. He's not sure how to feel about that. This fic is absolutely gonna end with Ghost riding Soap.

Thank you again for the ask! I hope this was sufficient, but if it wasn't, let me know!

#cod mw2 #ghostsoap #soapghost #ghoap #fanfic #ao3 #text post #call of duty #trans!Ghost #agender!Ghost #rdr2 #arthur morgan #arthur morgan/albert mason

[alivingmel]

Apologies, reasons, c-c-cancer?!?, future plans, etc.

HELLO FRIENDS, it's Mel. It's been a very long time since I've posted here, and I feel I owe all you lovely folks who supported me in years past an explanation (whether or not you even remember me because it has been years now) SO, let me tell you what's been going on (under the cut):

Back in 2017, my mental health hit an all-time low that resulted a suicide attempt and subsequent hospitalization. Thankfully, my time in the hospital set me on a path that led me to receiving the care and medication I needed! I started on a mood stabilizer that truly changed my life around. . .

But, because my period of positive self-growth coincided with staying offline and not drawing as frequently as I used to, a misguided part of my brain began associating these things with that awful mental state that almost killed me. I never, ever wanted to feel that awful again, so I started to shy away from sharing and making art until avoiding it completely.

Furthermore, many of my pieces had been fueled by pure mental anguish and, once that pain was alleviated by the proper medication, I found myself struggling to find the motivation to create anything. . . My mind was so much clearer and I could come up with concepts for stories and characters better than ever, but actually getting these ideas down on paper became difficult. For most of my life, I had overrelied on frantic emotions and the idea that my life was not worth anything beyond what I created whenever I made art.

Now that I've realized that yes, my life is valuable and yes, I want to live it, my old approach to art was rendered defunct. I became distracted by new hobbies, since I was able to actually Enjoy Things properly for the first time in my adult life. . . And also because I was avoiding art, which had become a source of frustration and embarrassment for me. I felt like I was a different person than I was before, and the old me was a mess but DAMN they could draw.

I believe it's possible for me to rekindle my passion for creating stuff and discover a reason to draw that isn't unhealthy! But it will require a LOT of focus and energy from me, involving a lot of aggravation and disappointment because FUN FACT when you don't draw for months at a time, you get rusty as hell.

Thus far, I haven't been able to manage the sustained effort required to remember how to draw because, despite being far more mentally stable nowadays, the the last six years have been very. . . Unstable. . . I've lost beloved pets and family members, had to support both parents with major surgeries on several occasions, deal with multiple drawn out court cases (one involving a police officer with a vendetta against my brother trying to get him put in jail, LONG STORY. . .), keep my house from falling apart without having nearly enough money to properly fix the staggering amount of things wrong with it, the persistent cold (and sometimes very hot) war between my immediate family members, and so on. . . My minds been so preoccupied with a constant stream of disasters in my household that it's been VERY EASY to justify a continuing avoidance of art.

I was hoping this year would be the one where I'd get back on track, but instead it turned out to be the year where the old track violently explodes and now I have to build a WHOLE NEW TRACK. So, for now, I have to focus on preventing the derailed train that is my life from jettisoning off a cliff.

Back in December 2022, I discovered a lump in one of my breasts. Considering my age and the fact that it was actually causing me discomfort, I figured it was a benign cyst. Got a mammogram and a biopsy to make sure! IT WAS NOT A CYST. I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, which tends to be the type of breast cancer that folks under 40 get. It's often connected to genetics, but I tested negative for all relevant gene mutations and no one else in my family has even had breast cancer. IT FELT LIKE A VERY SOAP OPERA-ESQUE TURN OF EVENTS AFTER EVERYTHING ELSE THAT'S HAPPENED, not very realistic plot progression on Life's part, 0/5 stars.

Triple negative is unfortunately one of the most aggressive types of breast cancer and, since the "triple negative" refers to the tumors lack of hormone receptors and the HER2 protein, it does not respond to most targeted breast cancer treatments. But because triple negative tumors are nasty, fast-growing little fuckers, Classic™ chemotherapy works wonders on 'em!

Thankfully, despite all the doctors suspecting otherwise, my nearest lymph node tested negative! Makes a huge difference in treatment, likelihood of recurrence and metastasis, and my chance of surviving this ordeal. The amount of chemo I have had to endure has sucked hardcore and will continue to suck. I finished 12 weekly infusions at the end of May, and I started the last 4 bi-weekly infusions in June. The last four doses include a very friendly, fun-loving drug nicknamed "the red devil". :’)

The silver lining of this whole mess is that I FINALLY GET THESE TITS TAKEN OFF AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY OUT OF POCKET. . . As you may or may not know, I'm nonbinary. I've never had any desire for HRT, but god, GOD, my boobs have given me hardcore dysphoria since puberty willed them into existence. I'm not very comfortable talking about my identity with family and acquaintances irl, so the fact that I don't have to explain myself to nosy relatives now is a relief. WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY PREFERRED HAVING SOME AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS INSTEAD OF FUCKING CANCER, but at least I get some kind of reward at the end of all this.

As someone that's been (physically lol) healthy their whole life, this has been a difficult journey. And, this is wicked cheesy, but the amount of strength I've been able to scrounge up? SHOCKING. I'm proud of how I've managed to grow as a person since 2017. Back then, I could've never pulled this shit off. 2023 MEL IS THE MOST POWERFUL MEL YET, BUT. . . THIS MEL NEEDS TO CHANNEL THEIR NEWFOUND TEMPERANCE INTO THEIR ART AFTER GETTING THROUGH THIS. . .

I actually had this fairytale idea that I'd draw during my chemo sessions and ~rediscover my passion~. . . But I qualified for a cooling cap program (helps with the hair loss, trying to retain as many follicles as I can cuz they play the lead role in my physical presence ok!!!) and the headache you get from encasing your skull with ice is not exactly conducive to productivity.

SO, for now, I need to focus on beating the shit out of cancer and recovering from the treatment beating the shit out of me. But because this experience has made me hyper aware of the fact that we do not get an infinite amount of years to do all the things that we want to do in life, I WILL RETURN. . . Because I have stories to tell! With shitty characters that have shittier lives! I didn't devote 30% of my grey matter to this stuff just to take it with me to the grave, man!!!

ALSO, A REMINDER: if you ever feel like there's something off with yourself, health-wise, do not hesitate to get yourself checked out by a doctor. Whether it's a tiny lump, a persistent dull pain, or anything else. . . Find out what, exactly, it is. I caught this cancer right in time! At this stage, the survival rate for triple negative breast cancer is a little over 90%. Had I waited to get checked out, had I given it enough time to matastize to a distant part of my body. . . My chances of surviving would've dipped to about 12%. That period where I was waiting on tests to confirm whether the cancer had gone anyplace else was absolutely terrifying. SO PLEASE, DON'T FUCK AROUND WITH YOUR HEALTH (OR YOU MIGHT FIND OUT).

[indigosunsetao3]

Six Month Mark

Six months ago to the day I took the plunge and posted my very first chapter for my first fic on AO3. It was the first time I had written in almost a decade.

I was so nervous. I refreshed AO3 constantly waiting to see what people thought. Ever ready to delete my work because I was scared it wasn't good enough and I'd get negative feedback. But I was also so, so, excited. Call of Duty caught me by a chokehold and inspired me to finally write again after all these years. It was a great feeling to finally just have that inspiration.

Then I started getting hits, and kudos. I was ecstatic for 100 hits, then 200. And oh my god I have 500 hits! What do you mean I have 50 kudos? 100 kudos?! Look people bookmarked because they want to come back to my writing! And subscriptions because people are actually waiting for me to post? You sure this is for me?

@haurasha invited me to join Tumblr and it changed the whole game for me again. I've found amazing writers, drawn inspiration and confidence in my writing from reading others stories or tips. And then having people on Tumblr liking, reblogging and commenting on my stuff felt like another great accomplishment to tack on top of everything else. I'd also like to think I made some friends here as well, hopefully ya'll feel that way too 😊

It's been a wild, fun, ride and I am constantly amazed by how many people enjoy my writings.

All of this to say thank you everyone for six months! And I'll check back on this in another six months and see how much further I've come 🥰

Signing off with the scene that officially, and fully, hooked me on Soap. I was down bad after this.

#ao3 #ao3 fanfic #ao3 author #ao3 writer #six months #thank you #cod #call of duty #call of duty fanfic #cod fandom #cod fanfic #my fic #fanfiction #fanfic

[babacontainsmultitudes]

15 Questions for 15 People

@locke-n-k3y thanks for the tag :] ah hm tbh I feel like my answers for these might be a bit boring but let's see...

1. Are you named after anyone?

Yes! (Referring to my legal name- which I still use), I was named after a character from the soap opera "General Hospital" haha.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last week lol- which was... The first time in a couple months? It was nice but not enough.

3. Do you have kids?

Absolutely not. Never lol.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Never did any sports outside of gym class! Not formally, anyways. I do workout (mostly strength/weight training) fairly regularly... But I don't think that really counts here lol. :0 Been thinking a lot lately about picking up boxing.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yup! irl I often go for a sort of deadpan delivery of my sarcasm- what I've learned from other people is that I'm a little too good at that (I sometimes say very ridiculous things very convincingly). I won't usually specify unprompted that I'm being sarcastic, but you're always welcome to ask. Not as sarcastic online in general, however.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Irl? Hmm. Hard to say. Maybe: eyes, voice, posture.

Online? Typing/texting style I suppose!

7. What's you're eye color?

Dark brown 👁

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Not mutually exclusive lol. But, happy endings. I don't "dislike" tragedies but I'm not actively drawn to them either.

9. Any talents?

HM. I mean obviously I have things I'm good at but I'm never quite sure what differentiates a "talent" from a "skill". I suppose a lot of friends have said something to the effect of me being "good at reading minds" haha- also "good at explaining things" which is debatable but sweet lol.

10. Where were you born?

Halifax! Which I feel fine saying cause I haven't lived there for a long time lol. A foggy fishing city that I miss even now.

11. What are your hobbies?

I guess a large chunk of what I do on this blog counts as hobbies? Writing (whether it's fiction or analysis or shitposts), drawing, audio clipping and editing apparently (though much of that I just keep to myself- same for drawing tbh). :] I've also gotten into making iron-on patches. Tabletop and video games for sure but... Neither as much as I'd like these days. I tend to collect a lot of things as well- most notably coins.

12. Do you have any pets?

I've had MANY pets of many different species- but currently just my cat Bok! I do tend to take care of my older sister's bunny a lot too though.

13. How tall are you?

5'4, which all my 6'0 friends love teasing me over 😒. I've been told that I "seem taller from the way [I] carry myself", however. (Despite everything, I'm actually fine with my height!)

14. Favorite subject in school?

When I was completing my bachelor's (in computer science) I was particularly drawn to graphics-related stuff! In highschool my fave was definitely drama haha (gee I miss it tbh).

15. What is your dream job?

I HAVE NO IDEA no idea and that's kind of my issue rn tbh. Plenty of things that seem interesting, but I don't think I'm the kind of person who could have the same job for my whole life, no matter how perfect it is. I'll presumably end up in something programming-related eventually, though it's not what I'm looking for now. OH OKAY ACTUALLY dream job? Probably doing video essays (or possibly let's plays) on Youtube haha.

15 PEOPLE IS A LOT OF PEOPLE TO TAG AND I ALWAYS FEEL SO SHY TAGGING PEOPLE IN GAMES and I have no idea who's been tagged already ahaha UM NO PRESSURE WHATSOEVER!!! @llumimoon @happi-tree @kaseyskat @abeinginsand @nolassolace @goldturnedgray @swiffin @insomaniiiac @meiwks @calamity-unlocked @coolfire333 @supremely-unsupervised @b1gwings @giraffeskull There! 15! Tried to get a few new people in there lol. But fr no stress!

#tag games #Thanks again for the tag locke!

[cthulhusstepmom]

Gaz finds out a couple of weeks after Price.

It's a complete accident and not even a fault on Soap's part really, unless you count getting the wrong type of bin.

It's some time in the middle of the night, Gaz doesn't know, Gaz can't be bothered to say. What he does know is that there's an intruder in his room ruffling around on the floor. "Ye wee foockin son of a bitch yer gonna wish ye were nae foockin born" ....Fucking Soap?

He doesn't even bother getting up. "Soap what the bloody fuck are you doin in here mate??"

The cursing on his floor goes silent. He's about to ask more when he feels a slight pressure on his calf, ready at this point to accept that Soap just wants cuddles and drag him on to the bed he's nowhere near prepared for the sharp pinch that clamps down on his leg.

"Jesus Mary and Joseph Soap what the hell??" He squeals at the same time Soap declares "I've got ye wee bastard!"

He looks down just in time for Soap to rip his covers and grab a... thing that had been attached to his leg, cradling it in his palms with a stern look.

"You gonna explain what the fuck just happened to me?" Soap, now looking appropriately sheepish holds up his palms like an offering. In them, cradled delicately in calloused hands is a baby turtle the size of a golfball. Little bugger is fucking cute too.

"I ah had them in ma closet...they wernae sposed to get out but the bin locks are shit. Think he could hear the water from your tanks or somethin, slipped right under the door."

Gaz, properly awake now, is taken to Soap's room with the little snapping turtle. He realizes for as good of friends as he is with the man he'd never actually been in his room, now he knows why.

"Mate there's no fucking room in here!"

"Ach ah know, I donnae have a space for turtles but they just hatched a couple days ago."

Gaz laughs. "Soap I meant for you ya fuckin muppet!"

Soap blinks. "Well I can get to the bathroom, and if I get chilly I can just curl on up in there with Wee Man."

Gaz takes it in, he admittedly doesn't know the first thing about reptiles but everything looks pretty fucking mint, fake and real plants all over, big sticks and caves to hide in, not to mention the size of the things. They don't look like much on the outside, sheets of blank plywood that look just the slightest bit slap glued. But the fronts have well installed sliding glass doors and the insides are all painted with hand drawn jungle and desert scenes and sealed expertly with silicone.

"You make this?" Gaz asks, gesturing to the enclosures.

Soap looks up from where he's contorted himself to get into his closet, fiddling with the bin that the baby turtles had escaped from where it sits on a heat pad.

"Oh aye, nothing much to look at but it gets the job done."

"Fuckin mint."

#some jackasses were fucking with a snappjng turtle nest after the mom got hit by a car so Soap got called in #he incubated the eggs while the Laswell's got a baby tank set up #if Soap had an inch of spare space he would but he is literally parkouring around his bedroom with a mildly venomous snake in his bathroom #Gaz likes turtles and hes thought about doing a turtle tank before but his real love is and always will be fish #not seen:Price sprinting around the base trying to find the other turtles while Soap's infiltrating Gaz's room #Soap loves drawing his little scale children and he does a portrait of each of the ones hes rescued #cod mw2 #fish person gaz #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #john price #reptile person soap

[tails-artwork]

Gaming Thoughts - July 2023 - Sonic Frontiers

(I'm looking at doing a sort of long-term project to hopefully slowly get my art back into the groove amidst some of my studying. Basically at the end of each month to do one really small doodle based one a game that I play during the month and also give my thoughts on the game as well. Some games may end up getting covered twice depending on how much I keep playing it or such too. But maybe it might serve as a way for me to get back into doing some fanart and keeping myself from getting too rusty)

Anyways, to kick this off, we're starting with a game that while I did end up starting it in June, I managed to finish it off in the first half of July. Which would happen to be Sonic Frontiers.

Nonetheless, I have been a bit of a Sonic fan ever since my first game being the old PC port of Sonic 3D Blast, but back then I really didn't play super long or seriously with games like I do now, thus in all technicality the first Sonic game that I had ever beaten was Sonic Adventure 2 Battle on the GCN. I think ever since then I ended up having a stronger bias towards some of the 3D sonic games as opposed to the 2D ones despite the huge variance in quality a lot of the games have had over time.

Anyways, the moment I started Frontiers, I swear I ended up getting drawn in VERY quickly. I honestly struggled really liking going back to any of the boost era games (Generations and Unleashed included, so go ahead and grab the pitchforks) and the fact that to me Sonic felt as smooth as I remember in Adventure and Heroes already helped me enjoy more of the game. And honestly i found it really easy to control for most of the game as well while exploring in the actual world.

The cyberspace zones were…well…despite the fact that some of the boost era games have just never fully clicked with me, I think those were not tooo bad. There is an obvious dissonance on how Sonic controlled in the open area and in the cyberspace levels though and thus he felt a lot more stiff in those. But…damm some of the level layouts did tickle my fancy so much (Even though I feel like they missed some potential with the music for some of them, but that is a different matter.)

Regardless, I don't think I've ever been THIS sucked into a Sonic game since Heroes though, and I definitely am looking forward to the final update with this game as well with the different playable characters. I've been itching for Tails to have been playable in a 3D sonic game since almost forever and I really hope it comes out well in the end. All in all, still ranks quite up there as being one of my fav Sonic games, though I don't think it has dethroned Heroes or SA2B quite yet. (also yes, in my playthrough of Frontiers, I absolutely HAD to use the SOAP shoes for Sonic as well)

Also, throwing this last part under the cut because final boss spoiler potential.

I played the game on hard mode and was able to get the final last true fight. I heard a lot of people complaining about it before because it was a complete genre shift from a majority of the game, but like..it did feel like the game was preparing you for it with some of the small minigames there were so it wasn't 100% left field. And well…having playing Ikargua as much as I had before, this final boss literately just felt like a stage of that so that might be why I had quite a lot of fun with it and didn't have a hard time with it either. Though speaking of which, for those who DID enjoy the final boss though or those similar minigames. This is 100% a shameless plug to go and give Ikargua a try as well. And Radiant Silvergun while you're at it too.

Also, Sage's development in the game was just dawww. I really loved her a lot and I hope she shows up in future games as well considering the last scene in the ending.

#Sonic Fronters #Sonic the Hedgehog #Sage #Sonic #My Art

[richardazer]

im not sure if youve done this already but can we get some GazPrice headcannons? (with Fin the SD ofc)

OMG OMG YES!!!

Warning before I start the madness, I don't have much headcanon about the actual game world, I do not like military shit so everything I have is off duty or my AUs

Also I've never done this before, my ideas aren't really coherent but I hope I can satisfy with what I have :3

First lets start with the Fin time-line:

For those who haven't seen I've posted art of Gaz, Price and John's service dog Fin.

HCs:

Gaz went into the job expecting not to make it, he was prepared to be damaged, either physically or mentally so he took really good care of himself

Price was the opposite, he thought he was strong and untouchable but with each dead comrade his mind began taking a lot of damage

I like making strong men pathetic and weak so that was the reason Gaz caught Price's eye. Price noticed a sturdy, strong, safe oasis in the middle of battlefield, that's why he was drawn to him and Gaz quickly became his favorite because he wanted to make the world a better place and was ready to change the world with his own hands

Obviously after working for so long they got closer and closer and Gaz couldn't NOT fall for soft papa bear that Price turned out to be off duty hehhe

Kyle single handedly dragged him into therapy because he was the only one who saw how much weight and damage John was carrying on his shoulders

Obviously with so much support work became easier to handle but years of trauma aren't going to go away and Kyle can't be the only one to take care of the old man lol

Fin was recommended by Price's therapist and she is his helper on base

Off duty Price gets to let go and not be ashamed of ptsd because he has people who will help and support him through it, just like he supported them for all these years

I think at some point Price would be permanently moved to base because he's no longer fitted for the battlefield

(you can clearly see I have 0 idea of how military works nor do I know the game's lore lol)

Fin is there to guide him in the buildings, lead him to quiet places when he's stressed, remind him to take breaks (Price is a workaholic). I don't know much about ptsd dogs so Fin headcanons need me to do a lot of research before even attempting to write them down. (I'm so sorry there's not much for Fin 😭)

As for personalities or little silly ideas:

John is a big softie who tries so hard to fit in and be a dad to everyone, got his piercings during his relationship with Gaz (cried when getting his helix) he's always trying to be on the same wave as Gaz and ends up learning so much internet slang because of it, never uses it properly on purpose to make Kyle laugh his ass off. Gaz makes him learn kpop dances (Gaz and Ghost are very big twice fans shhh)

Gaz is very much stuck being a boy. He's very serious when needed to be but the rest of the time he's a silly goofy spoiled babygirl. Got his piercings right after getting into 141 as celebration, hid them from Price and Laswell very well for 2 months and then forgot to change them to silicone studs one day and got caught. Soap is his buddy and they run around pranking people and constantly compete with each other on who can burp the loudest

They love talking care of each other and Kyle is especially in love with captain's beard so when they have time they let themselves groom each other like cats, aka Gaz takes good care of John's beard using a brush and oils and giving the man a massage. In return Price takes care of Kyle's body, his rough strong careful hands are perfect for giving the younger man a proper relaxing massage

Gaz's teasing nature really blooms with Price because he knows that he can get away with so much. Throwing a joke or flirting here and there or just straight up touching Price has only good consequences for Kyle. Price adores him to no end and always asks for his view on almost any situation. John is all ears all the time because he loves his voice and genuinely wants to know what Gaz is thinking about. Even picking ice-cream flavors or a movie to watch becomes a very deep philosophical dialog

They don't tend to argue, even during missions it's aggressive dialogs instead of fighting. Gaz knows Price is the captain and he has so much more hand on experience and Price knows that Gaz would have a fresher, modern, more flexible view on the situation. Gaz is very observant and Price is constantly amazed at his ability to see the whole picture

More interesting headcanons from my chainsaw man AU if yall interested:

Gaz is a hunter/hunt devil because only humans hunt for fun and people are terrified of getting hunted >:3

Price (a human) literally saw him, said "you're pretty cool" and YOINKED him from the fucking government

In the AU the government catches all devils it can to study or use as weapons and since other countries started using devils in battles and just regular humans get into deals with devils to cause terror the government created special forces

141 is a test group lead by John Price and has a lot of powerful devils

Gaz has Makima eyes because I said so they're cool and glow in the dark

His abilities include: night/heat vision, hearing heartbeats and obviously inhuman strength and speed he's the hunt devil after all tracking down pray is so easy

He and Price have a deal no one knows about because all deals with devils must be approved by the government

The deal is that if Price dies so does Gaz so they can be together in hell (this man doesn't know chainsaw man lore either what did you expect lol)

What Price doesn't know is that Gaz spends more time protecting him than completing assignments hehhe

Fun bonus is dumb tiktok audio idea:

- you can hear heartbeats?

- can hear yours too, beating pretty fast~

GAY GAY GAY

alright madness over thanks for reading hope you enjoyed :]

#my art brr #my headcanons #Attempt at writing HCs down #Chainsaw man AU #call of duty hc #gazprice #gaz x price #gay gay homosexual gay #kyle gaz garrick #captain john price #john price #call of duty #Headcanons

[soapisahimbo]

Heyo!! I just wanted to tell you how goddamn much I loved your NSFW Alphabet for Alejandro! 🥺🥰 Like... I love EVERYTHING about it, how you just went all out about him, those details and specific headcanons drawn out into scenarios... gosh, I am really obsessed with your writing and him, Alejandro himself, even more. (I'll defintely will re-read it like... 24647577 times??)

Tiktok basically dragged me into the fandom and while all men are very interesting, attractive and handsome... Alejandro just hit a really sweet Spot in me... and then you came around the corner with... THIS MASTERPIECE and you turned me into a puddle, all over Ale now.

You just have to know, I am a sensitive bean and I guess... I have an (enormous) thing for praise, so I basically was kicking my feet while reading. No joke, I was all bashful and blushy 👉🏻👈🏻

(And his weak spot Lingerie... ahhhh!!! I just imagine his S/O casually texting him they're out with friends buying new underwear/lingerie and him on the other end drives this information mad; constantly thinking about what they're going to pick out... So you think he has any preferences when it comes to lingerie? sorry, I went out all myself 😅)

Your Alphabets of Soap and König are still waiting for me to read and I am already so exited!! Gosh, I love and adore your skills already and please keep it up (as long it brings you joy ofc) ♡

I wish you happy holidays and please take care of yourself!! 😘🥺

(Yes, I wrote you unintentionally a damn novel ♡)

For your amusement, the stages of me while reading:

I'm like speechless, you're so fucking sweet! Thank you so much for this, it makes me incredibly happy to know you enjoyed it!

I think I mentioned in another answer that when I first saw Alejandro, I wasn't really into him, but I watched an interview with Alain Mesa (the VA and face model for Alejandro, who is also just a fucking dreamboat of a man) where he talked about how he saw Alejandro and how he wanted to portray him and now I've got a major weak spot for him 😂

I've got a huge thing for praise as well, and I feel like Alejandro would be all for it, so I can tell you that I for sure zoned out a few times while writing it 🥴

Speaking about that lingerie part, you would for sure have to go shopping for it without him, because it would be impossible otherwise - he just needs to imagine you in a set and he's done for, basically. Give him some hints as to what you're checking out, but don't tell him what you're getting. If he's already at home when you get back, give him a show of the pieces you've bought and watch him crumble. I might actually have to write a onshot about that...

As far as preferences go, I'm thinking he'll practically drop dead at the sight of you in like a teddy or a babydoll... although, let's be real, he'll drop dead at the sight of you in any type of lingerie. Or at least to his knees.

Maybe I'll do a "141/Vaqueros favourite type of lingerie"-post 😏

Your message made me so happy, and I would LOVE to know what you think about the other ABC's once you've read them, so please don't hesitate to tell me! Don't worry about leaving too long lessages, please write more novels like this, I love it 😂

Happy holidays to you as well, I hope your day, weekend, week and all else goes well!

#gosh what did i do to deserve such a sweet message?! #this made me genuinely happy

[bklynmusicnerd]

I’m glad I found ppl that can have a good perspective on the show. I’m not one to overreact to things so it’s nice to read comments from others who aren’t acting like everything is on fire. I’m one of the ones that was drawn to GH because of Sprina, more specifically TA & NAC version of Sprina. I did watch some of the SM version of Trina and she and NAC had great chemistry and she was really good, it just didn’t pull me in enough to keep watching so I stopped. Fast forward probably 8 months later, I saw a clip of TA & NAC at Trina’s party at the Savoy and I was immediately intrigued and kept looking for more. I don’t know exactly what it is but I saw the fire, the chemistry, the angst, this beautiful slip of a woman and I wanted to know more. I know recasts are hard for all involved. For me, this version of Sprina did something for me that I can’t explain and I’ve been watching ever since. Ironically, those scenes were leading to a big Sprina drought since Spencer was going to prison and we had to deal with the cop bf, I was still hooked because there was still angst between the two even though they didn’t share scenes for a while. I’m looking forward to this version of Sprina for however long we have left. They really nailed it with these two for me

I'm glad you're enjoying GH tumblr as a discussion space, anon. I've said this a couple of times but I really do think SM's Trina and TA's Trina is one of the best recast transitions I've ever seen on soaps. It was just really seamless to me, and I still feel like I can see the foundation of SM's Trina in TA's young adult Trina. I tend to feel that way about the two versions of Sprina as well.

I think the more fiery chem that drew you in with current Sprina works as well as it does because we got to see this sweet connection build up with og Sprina. I still really love how TA played Trina's first big fall as a character. We'd never seen her really screw up before she got arrested and she played the beginnings of that loss of innocence, that realization as a late teen that you actually don't know everything, really well.

It was this real transition from "Awww" to "Wow" that has really added to the richness of both Trina's an individual arc and the Trina and Spencer story. And I agree, I'm looking forward to seeing this iteration play out as well. Hopefully, the writing makes the most of these performances.

#gh #trina robinson #spencer cassadine #i do remember breathing a sigh of relief the minute those two started going at it in the interrogation room lol #arguing chemistry is just a very crucial component of sprina to me!

[gillianthecat]

Thoughts on Love Mechanics: (very long and rambling)

I loved the first half of the series. The lead actors, War and Yin, are fabulous and have great chemistry, whether sexual, angry, playful, comedic. I just really like War's face and the way he uses his eyes and his smile. I find him compelling and charismatic. I also liked almost all of the side characters. Many of them didn't have a big part, or were mostly there for comedy or to move the plot along, but they still felt like fully realized people who were living their own interesting lives off-screen. (Perhaps it's because the series grew out of a set of interconnected stories, I haven't watched them yet.)

More thoughts, both praise and critique, below the cut. (Includes tons of spoilers):

I'm fairly new to BL, although I've read a lot of romance, including queer (mostly m/m) romance, and a lot of fanfiction. These, it seems, have overlapping tropes/arcs/conventions as BL but are not exactly the same. (I've learned a lot about BL conventions from @absolutebl's posts here.)

I've been binging BL shows this summer, and I'm starting to think I really dislike the traditional strong sense/uke dynamic. (Maybe I'll make another post of which shows I like and dislike.)

So basically, I like up until Mark sees Ploy kissing Vee because the VeeMark dynamic feels interesting and ever shifting. After that they seem to switch to a more standard seme/uke dynamic with bonus miscommunication, which I found frustrating, annoying and boring.

I'm only 20 minutes into episode 9, which I turned off because I was so bored with the pervert boxer plot line. So hopefully it will improve with the last episode and a half, but I'm afraid the show lost the courage of its messiness and went for standardization.

Love Mechanics caught my attention from the beginning. I like that the show begins with a drunken, dubiously consensual hookup, where Mark thinks he's fucking another person, and Vee is cheating on his girlfriend. It's chaotic, it's hot, the actors commit to the physicality of the sex scene, which I'm discovering is often not the case for BLs.

I liked Mark's immature pursuit of Bar, and the mean sneering way that War portrayed that. I liked that the conflict after that is that they don't want to be cheating but they are incredibly drawn to each other. I even liked all the implausible coincidences that threw them together over and over, so their connection felt like it developed naturally. Yes, Vee should have figured his shit out with his girlfriend, but it felt naturally messy that he didn't. He was young, in his first LTR, loved her but it seemed like he was somewhat passive in starting the relationship with her. I liked that it felt like he both still loved Ploy and at the same time was falling for Mark. That felt messy and real.

I even liked the plot twist of Ploy cheating on Vee; it didn't feel like a cop-out to excuse Vee's cheating but instead something that added complexity to the decisions Vee and Mark had to make. Should Vee look any closer at his relationship with Ploy, or just ignore it and coast on the giddy feeling of in love. (He choose ignore.) Should Mark tell Vee that he saw Ploy with another man? It might clear the way for Mark to be with him, but then again Mark is so uncertain of what Vee actually wants and would choose. Mark and Vee never talk about the cheating, almost never talk about Ploy. It's a terrible idea, it's messy and it's fascinating to watch.

I even liked the soap opera plot twists of the anniversary and the promise to tell and the car accident. Unbelievable, yes, but the characters felt believable so I was happy to have the hand of fate/scriptwriters maneuvering them into situations.

I liked the tension between their desire to be public about their relationship and the need to hide and protect it. I even liked Yawah's scheming, although normally that kind of thing annoys me. I think because a) it felt like it added useful tension and b) because Yiwaa felt like a real person, someone young, who made her way as a woman in an overwhelming male space by being dominant and a leader and who genuine wanted to protect her friends but was clumsy about how.

But then after that kiss the scriptwriters' choices mostly did not hold up for me. Yes it made sense that Mark felt hurt and betrayed, but the fact that no one told him Vee hadn't kissed her felt so contrived to add drama. And there was so much drama to be had without that "miscommunication!" Yes, he was hurt and this was a repeat of the last time Vee failed to keep his promise and so I get why he wouldn't want to hear from Vee. But Vee kept pushing at all of Mark's other boundaries, why wouldn't he just blurt out it he didn't kiss her! Or text him or something. It doesn't make sense for the pushiness we've seen in Vee to be so passive about this one thing.

It would still make sense for Mark to break up with Vee even knowing the truth about the kiss. He could decide that Vee has let him down too many time and he doesn't trust him anyway. That would totally be in character and create more tension without having them act like idiots. And the tension would higher because it was based on something real. Of course they have trust issues! They began with deceptions and lies and cheating and continued all that way.

My first choice would actually have been to have Vee kiss Ploy back when she kissed. Perhaps that's too much of a deviation from a one-true-love main couple for standard BL, but I think that would of created some fascinating tension for Mark and Vee to resolve and brought up the buried issues in their relationship (the ones that the show seems like it's just going to ignore and paper over).

It feels in character for Vee to have kissed back - he still has love and care for Ploy, even if it's not romantic any more, and he has a track record of bad sexual decision-making under intense emotions, and it was an intense day for him. I don't think he would sleep with her, but it's so easy to kiss somebody back who you used to kiss all the time.

And it gives Mark a much more plausible and compelling arc. As is, it feels like he's stopping up his ears and refusing to listen. And Vee has fucked up before, but in this case he's actually done nothing wrong! He's helping a friend who's being abused. Mark can be selfish (i like that about the character) but he seems like he would at least care about Ploy being safe even if she is his "rival." This storyline makes Mark feel more childish than I think he is.

A real kiss would give him a real reason to feel betrayed and hurt, real things Vee needed to do to repair them and hopefully force them to work through their real issues.

It would push them to figure out what they really mean to each other. It could push Vee to look at why he stayed with with Ploy for so long and why he was leaving her now. It could push them to look at a relationship that was an affair, was breaking someone else's trust, and figure out how to trust each other after that.

A real kiss could also force the screenwriters to acknowledge the looming specter of cheating. So far, the series hasn't acknowledged the cheating at all post-Ploy, and I'm actually quite annoyed by that. Not because I think cheaters need to be punished but because it was a big deal to them both and it should affect them! They felt guilty about it! It shaped how they related to each other! They hid it from their friends! Mark's hometown bf cheated on him! He had trust issues and wants people to keep their promises!

Vee's gf cheated on him! And I assume Vee had some thoughts and emotions around accepting all her "I'm sorrys" while hiding his own cheating from her, but the show never brings it up. It's so weird! I assumed for a while that they were repressing those feelings and it would come out later, but now it looks like the show is headed somewhere else and the drunken hookup and emotional affair will be treated like any other meet-cute and all the interesting juicy emotions to come out of it will be swept aside. How boring. Hopefully I'm wrong.

(Now, I don't know how they address those issues, other than the generic and boring "talk about it." It's hard! Probably that's why the series swerved away.)

The show replaces this honest reckoning with a generic (at least to me) quest for Vee to win Mark back. Mark gets to be either passive (accepting sunscreen and towel coverage) or resistant (enlisting his ex to try and scare Vee away.)

Some of its cute (the shitty old truck and the inadequate breakfast). Some of it infuriates me (the pervert boxer brought in at the 11th hour to give Vee something to protect Mark from.) War and Yin are good enough actors to make the character feel consistent and real. Their chemistry continues to sparkle. Their eyes can still break my heart. But this is so disconnected from their earlier story that we might as well be in a whole new series. Regardless of how I feel about this type of seme/uke dynamic in general (I hate it!) it has nothing to do with these characters or what they need to resolve.

Hopefully this is just a detour, but I fear it's the endpoint.

I was also going to write more about my dislike of this kind of seme/uke dynamic, but this is already super long and rambling. In sum, a) it's a distillation of my least favorite heterosexual relationship dynamic. b) I personally find that kind of boundary crossing and bossiness enraging. c) from what I see it creates a love interest whose main or even sole personality trait is the desire to win the uke, which I find makes an incredibly boring and yet also annoying character. d) and it makes the tension between the main characters a dully one-dimensional demand-resist.

#love mechanics - critical #love mechanics - spoilers #love mechanics #love mechanics the series #veemark #vee x mark #Thai BL #critique #negative #and positive #just lots of thoughts #wow that's a lot of words #gillianthecat reacts to bl #reaction by gillianthecat

[furmity]

The luxuries of my palace

I stayed for a month in a strange Queensland caravan park community. Full of dirty fake hippies, and no cleaning done on the weekends, it is a relief to be in my own home where I know everyone washes their hands and I don't have to wear thongs (flip flops) in the shower. I can leave my toothbrush and shampoo in the bathroom, where they belong. I wont forget my soap. I have a bathtub and a jar of flower salts...

Imagine my surprise when I was told I'd be sharing a caravan with a 45 year old man.... A tortured artist and filmmaker who described his AI art of Japanese girls as the only art he didn't "bleed for" 🙄: the first impression was grim. He actually knew a lot about wildlife, was well- travelled, and rolled these extra- long joints, so in the end we got on fine. I was strictly celebate but have come home with rather less underwear than I brought. Best not to dwell on that... I can get some new lovely frivolous things to replace them....

I packed well but I've been wearing the same three outfits all this time. How nice to have the rest of my wardrobe again, a change of shoes. I lost one of my favourite earrings somewhere in Granite Gorge among the rock wallabies, but we joked that a hippy would find it and put it in their dreads, so the cycle of life continues...

My beloved cleaned and put the good sheets on the bed for my return. There were flowers in the room. My dressing gown, scented candles, drawers...

The Dutchman had received a bottle of French champagne through work and offered it to me. It's now stashed in the fridge awaiting an occasion...

I had also ordered a sample of Jardins d'Armide before I left, drawn in by its rave reviews and romantic description. I have been wearing Bon Parfumeur's 501 for a while to see if I'm a gourmand girlie, which is nice but gives my partner a headache if he's in the room for the spritzing. A dab of Spiritual Sky's Night Queen on the road got me reading about synthetic musks and that explains that.

The powdery opening reminds me of my Lolita Lempicka days, and makes me feel like some other character. Once that settles it is positively carmel- filled on my skin. Violet is a known wonder for my chemistry, I turned even the staff's heads when I tried on Lush's Kerbside Violet. Very little rose, but orange blossom and something very fresh gradually emerges. It's different every time I smell it, quite the journey.

Sweety approves. I thought I'd receive a little peel- pack but am delighted to have a small phial. I cannot afford to make this my regular perfume, but Fragrantica suggests Maria Candida Gentile's Burlesque as being similar, and with the myrrh incense notes that I adore. (But if anyone knows, a review said civet... it's all natural, can't be having real civet! It's not mentioned anywhere else)...

I'd bet the value of the bottle that I'll like it. We'll wait and see from within my Jardins d'Armide cloud... Enjoying all the comforts of home.

#home #perfume #beauty #Queensland