#this hit me in so many different feels. SO MANY. im a changed man because of this ask anon i am in your debt

[en-hazed]

PAIRING: slenderman!sunghoon x fem!reader

GENRE / CW: this is kinda like scary? reader is alone in the woods so you can def guess what’s going on

WARNING: sunghoon doesn’t have some kind of age, so let’s say he’s like 100 years olds lmao, reader is 19, psychological horror (?) kinda, smut, dub-con, sunghoon is fucking big like in all meanings, tentacles, creampie, kissing, angst (?), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), petnames, praising, begging, dacriphilia, size kink, if i missed something i’ll edit this later. MINORS DNI.

A/N: this is purely based on the game and theories about slenderman (not on the movie), so i’m really sorry if there’s something that doesn’t really match the storyline :( also im not rlly good at writing smut

There was something that you found interesting and endearing about walking alone in the woods as a relief. You weren’t the kind of girl to spend much time with friends since you enjoyed more your alone time, even though you’ve heard some rumors about you in college that you were weird for such thing, but it’s not like you really cared, at all.

You never feared the dark as a little child, your mom did think there was something wrong with it since all of the kids usually are scared of it, but for you, it was different. You find comfort in it –somehow– but it wasn’t something to be ashamed of.

Today was one of those days where school ended a little late, and you decided to take a late walk to the woods that was near to where you lived. The feeling of the cold breeze hitting you felt like a kiss, even wearing your big puffy coat, you still could feel it.

Being by yourself had some advantages, such as spending as much time as you want to exploring the deep parts of the woods, looking at little details and also observing the pretty dark blue color in the sky.

Roaming around, you found some weird looking note that was glued to the tree, as you were getting closer, you got goosebumps. You usually didn’t find things in the woods since no one really came here because it’s been kinda abandoned, so it made you feel really curious if somebody came before you and put things just for fun to scare people off.

But the note was really weird looking. Why did the note say “HELP ME” in such a creepy writing? Was there someone here following you all along pranking you?

You definitely felt followed, but that didn’t change the growing curiosity that you had wondering if there were more notes. Walking faster and careful looking through all the trees weren’t sufficient, you definitely needed some kind of flashlight, and lucky for you, you always carry one in your backpack.

Getting the flashlight, turning it on, you started looking for more information. You definitely thought that you looked kinda crazy running around the woods if somebody came by, but there was something so interesting about this that you just couldn’t let it go.

In the distance, you could see a new note attached to another tree, you rapidly went and took it, this one saying “CAN’T RUN”. Adrenaline was hell, you felt like you could explode, were all these notes some kind of puzzle that you needed to complete? How many of them are? Such thoughts were in your mind as you were trying to calm yourself while looking at the piece of paper with the word that has been written.

Taking both notes, you did not wanna lose them, so you put them both in your pocket, and resumed roaming around. You noticed there was some kind of strange road that led you to an ever bigger part of the woods, and also, to some new pages.

This time, there was some kind of tall, really tall man drawn on with some words, such as saying “NO” and “FOLLOWS”. Is this some kind of prank? You just couldn’t step out, you were kinda lost, you’ve never been this deep inside and now, it was kinda scaring you. Your phone didn’t have any kind of connection or signal around, so you were definitely fucked.

Taking this situation lightly wasn’t a great idea at all, you knew your mom was worried since you don’t last that much time outside that much. Anxiety was killing you at this point, what the hell was going on? Also, it was also getting really late, you took a little peak of you clock, and it was almost past midnight.

Running around was simply not helping, you felt like you were stuck in some fucked up maze that didn’t have any kind of exit. You wanted to scream, you really did, but you didn’t want people thinking that you were getting murdered or something. Starting to feel dizzy, everything was looping, feeling like you couldn’t get out was one of, if not, your biggest fear. Without noticing, you felt to the ground, your strength was gone, and your head was pounding.

More than 10 minutes passed since you were still in the ground, until you felt some kind of presence, the goosebumps coming back again. You were too far gone to even try to open your eyes, so if someone tried to kill right there, you didn’t care at that point.

The breeze was getting colder, creaking was louder, and there was something there with you, but you didn’t dare to look. Some steps were getting closer to you, and you almost started praying to God to help you out if he was even hearing your pleads.

Now you were crying, you were the one that started following all of those stupid notes going nowhere, and now you were stuck in the deep zone of the woods. After some minutes of thinking, you had the guts to speak up.

— Is somebody here? Anyone? Please, I swear I’m a good person, I won’t do anything to you, but please, I need a reply. — You stated, trying to look around in the dark, since you forgot where you put your flashlight and also, you lost your glasses.

Nothing, you did not receive some kind of reply, so now you were thinking if everything that’s happening is some kind of hallucination from your mind.

From the distance, you swear you saw something, like some big thing standing there, but you couldn’t even seem to confirm that since your poor eyesight wasn’t helping you at all. But that weird creature looking thing was getting closer this time, and you didn’t have that much space to move, so you had to act fast and start walking from there.

Looking back wasn’t something that you wanted to do, if you did that it was gonna be really scary knowing something was chasing you in the dark. But what you didn’t know, that tall white man could teleport if he wanted to, and now, he was right in front of you.

You froze, what was that? You starting looking up and down trying to figure out if it was human or not. He was wearing some kind of suit, his hands were so pale and white, his fingers were so long and his face, you couldn’t really recognize it. He did have some prominent facial features, such as his nose and eyebrows, and also his hair.

— Are you lost, little thing? Have you collected my pages? — He finally spoke, his voice was… something. Not really deep nor sharp, it was just unexplainable.

— I’m sorry, what? — You asked, pages? Why is that his first thought?

— My pages. They’re all attached to different trees. Have you collected them? — He added, getting a little more closer to you.

Oh, so the notes you were looking for, that now you know they aren’t pages, he was the one who attached them to the trees? Is he crazy or something?

— I lost them. I got lost here and when I ran, they kinda flew away from my pockets. I’m sorry, if you’re gonna kill me, go ahead. — You hung down your head, you were definitely cooked and also getting killed in the woods. How nice!

— Game over then. — He spoke lastly, you looked at him with now, more tears in your eyes. He gave you a smile, his fangs were now shown.

His cold hand went to your chin, making you look up to where his eyes were supposed to be, but you were looking at some faceless man. You got caught in his tentacles, putting you in the air and almost choking you by how tight he was taking you.

— Pl.. please don’t do a-anything.. I swear, I’ll do whatever you w..want! — You tried speaking, but your chest felt so heavy that it was almost impossible to.

— Well, actually I do want something from you, if you don’t wanna get killed. — He spoke, his voice was now kinda deeper than before and it was scarier. You could feel his gaze up and down around your body, as if it was scanning you.

— W-what is it? Please! Tell me! — You replied rapidly, gulping. You were in a situation that defined between you being alive or dead, so you were willing to do anything at this point.

You were feeling already anxious until you felt his could touch in your body, closing hard your eyes, you were psyching yourself up that everything that was happening it was all in your imagination. Tears were staining your face, your cheeks turning red and your makeup all messed up.

His cold tentacles were groping you, touching you everywhere while you were just crying. You couldn’t get out of his grip since he was way too strong and taller than you. He started undressing you, retiring your skirt and leaving your tights on. Was this some kind of kink he had?

— I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, looking like a scaredy cat, crying and without any kind of escape from me. — He said, smiling proudly, giggling. His big hands were taking your head, making you look at him. Somehow, he changed your position, using his tentacles to tie your feet, and also your hands together, that were now resting behind your back.

You felt how something cold was poking your now dampened panties, you were definitely scared but your body wasn’t feeling like that. You closed your eyes harshly, not wanting to see what was about to happen. The cold breeze was now feeling like if death was coming near you, not feeling like something safe.

With no further preparation, he pushed himself inside of you, feeling like your guts and tight cunt were being rearranged by his big member. You couldn’t stop yourself from whining and screaming out loud, you weren’t a virgin sure, but his cock felt like dying.

— Don’t be t-too harsh! P-please! — Trying to speak while he was pounding deeper and deeper inside you was tough and more like a challenge.

He tsked his long tongue in response, not really caring about you and going harder on you. One of his tentacles groping your boobs mercilessly, while the other ones were simply roaming around your body.

Changing your position, now in doggy style, he was going harshly and harder, your body was hurting and your were being treated like nothing but a sex doll. You felt your vision going blurry, your hearing going off and feeling extremely numb. You closed your eyes and that’s where you forgot about everything.

Waking up felt like a nightmare, your whole body felt sore, you were covered in cum and definitely felt how the hot liquid was slipping from your thighs. Trying to look for your glasses or any kind of clothing (since you were naked) looking around. That’s when you saw some random guy, weirdly dressed with a suit and also using some glasses, he was tall and pale.

— Are you okay? Do you need help? — That anonymous guy spoke, looking at you and then your whole body, smirking.

You couldn’t even speak at all, so you just nodded. He helped you get up, he somehow carried things in his pockets such as tissues, that he used on you, trying to get you clean.

Finishing by putting on your clothes, you patted all of your body, as if there were some kind of dirt (there was, everything was all covered in it). You looked again at that weird guy that happened to find you in such condition, what was he doing here?

— I’m Sunghoon, and I definitely can read your mind, I just happened to be here when I found you here all alone, covered in… Whatever that was, no need to thank me. — He finished saying, still smirking and looking at you as if he was scanning your whole body.

As a blink, he disappeared, nowhere to be found. There was some weird vibe coming from that guy that you couldn’t explain, but you felt like you already knew him.

What the fuck just happened to you? You for sure were having some kind of fucking overdose of some fucked up vivid dream, you will never be the same after this.

#enhypen smut #sunghoon hard thoughts #sunghoon smut #smut #enhypen hard thoughts #x reader

[dustykneed]

Picture this; Bones holding Joanna, rocking her to sleep and the part in Beautiful Boy where it’s like “The monster's gone, He's on the run, And your daddy's here” is playing. :,)

Fatherhood gives you certain... skills. Coincidentally, this is also how Jim finds out that Bones sings.

:'))

#star trek #star trek fanart #star trek aos #star trek alternate original series #jim kirk #jim t kirk #leonard mccoy #bones mccoy #leonard bones mccoy #joanna mccoy #mckirk #mckirk fanart #ship or platonic? up to you #this sort of ties in to another thing ill be posting soon. but only sort of?? mainly it's joanna's design and symbols lol #yes joanna has character symbols im a little bit insane and a huge nerd #this is when jim decides he HAS to woo that divorced dad lmao #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK ANON ILYSM. im so happy with where this ask took me and i hope you enjoy!! #what is jim dreamjng about you ask? well. The colours are a reference sorta actually but iykyk (aos lore?) #this hit me in so many different feels. SO MANY. im a changed man because of this ask anon i am in your debt #im so in love with all of your brains btw. the reqs yall send in are so so good #honestly if youre a recurring anon feel free to leave a calling card or something. i would love to shake you adoringly by some sorta name #happy first contact day!!

[critterbitter]

HELLO HI ID LIKE TO ASK WHAT PROGRAM AND BRUSHES YOU USE CUZ IM LITTERALY EXPLODING EVERYTIME I SEE YOUR ART

actually actually... *pulls out whole stack of paper*...I have. a FEW,, a good few,, questions to ask. they are not many I swear 😇

OK SO FIRST OF ALL HOW DO YOU DRAW SO FAST???? everyday I log onto Tumblr I always see something new from you and I get very very happy. But then I start to question my own existence because not even I CAN SPEED RUN ART LIKE THAT. AND SO SPECTACULARLY TOO

Last question! how do you color and make it look so well?? just. How. I need to know. This is a CRY FOR HE-

anyway thank you for being one of my favorite artists that always feed my brain rot, pls keep making amazing art because like a little yamper I will follow behind and stay updated.

(Stands there)

Response and thoughts under cut!

First question! What art program I use!

Mostly procreate, along with a handful of brushes! (Specifically the Jing Set and some custom stuff, which is really just a circle brush with the shape changed to a square.)

Second question! How do i draw so much!

Okay so. I am. Ahhah. Unemployed,,,,? No, I do freelance illustration, but hmm. A studio job would be nice.

i graduated college last year and I’m very used to eight hour art shifts. The body sort of remembers to keep working, even though I no longer have storyboards or visdev homework to do.

Also. The hyperfixation is a deep vast tunnel I STILL have not seen the end of the light to, good golly. (I have dreams now about the kids committing shenanigan crimes. I wake up in cold sweat and write them down in a journal. It’s like being the mouthpiece to an angry god.)

So the overall gist is: I was trained to be a storyboard artist with a visdev background, and I’m using that higher education to draw funny muppets because my brain’s funny.

I also DO have a queue, and I’ve been treating this as a sort of inktober project. I am definitely going to slow down soon though! Maybe. Hopefully. Ah… (sheepishly drops my kofi here)

Third question! How do i color!

I. I, uh. I dont know man the coloring demons have a grip on my soul and i just go along for the ride. But also, if it helps, i prefer to limit my pallets to only a few colors at a time. Lighting is king, so if you can figure out if you want to focus on either on your lights or shadows, you’ll have a much easier time composing. That, and symbolic colors— idk, something hits different about art drenched in gold with a tiny hint of a man staring into the blinding horizon, or a green leafy environment with a single dot of artificial red. I also like using blue and purple for shadows, and I’m a big fan of muting colors with only one or two that pop— one of the reasons why I was so attracted to submas in the first place is because from a design aesthetic, they’re both super funny muppet men AND really cool train guys that have a limited pallet and thematic apparel.

Overall response! THANK YOU SO MUCH. This goes out to a BUNCH of people who sent me inbox queries— sorry for not responding, it’s a tad overwhelming because some of them are story questions even I don’t really know will go yet, and others are words of praise and I’m selfish and like scrolling through the inbox to look at them when I feel down. I am more of an artist who sits in the corner and sprouts like a potato rather then a branching vine who socializes, but I really do see people’s responses and they make me go :)))))

Okay ramble over. Thanks for coming to the soapbox, and good luck on creating!

#critterbitter #ask #mailbox

[1800-page-not-found]

hello author (＾▽＾)

can I ask you to write vampire reader x human Yjh and Kdj relationship hc i thing it's would be interesting

HI!! THIS IS SUCH A CUTE RELATIONSHIP!

btw this is going to be a healthy relationship, im not a huge fan of writing toxic/abusive relationships ykyk

HELP I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU SAID HC AND IM ALREADY 3/4 IN WRITING EVERYTHING...ITS OK ILL JUST DO BOTH LMFAO

human yoo joonghyuk, kim dokja (separate) x vampire reader

summary: the awful sun...it burns! thus, your lover decides to (somehow) give you a coat that has sun resistance so you can finally step out.

Yoo Joonghyuk is a ruthless man. However, during his regressions, he came to find you, a vampire. And what was so interesting about you is that, you were a vampire before the apocalypse. At first he brought you along only because he found you useful. But then, when he was able to clear more and more scenarios with you, he started to develop these 'strange feelings' he calls them.

Being a vampire was a struggle for you. After all, there were so many people around you, it was hard to resist. you usually drank animal blood from the nearby butcher, but when the apocalypse hit, you lost your supply. But when you met him, Yoo Joonghyuk, everything changed.

Blood is like wine. The more it ages, the better it tastes. So, as a regressor, Yoo Joonghyuk's blood was amazing. Of course, he killed you the first few times he met you, but started warming up.

Now, as the relationship developed, and when you two started dating after, what, 7 regressions? Well, he realized it was hard for you to join him completing scenarios with your weakness of the sun.

He scoffed, "weak." he muttered under his breath as he turned away from you.

His actions were very different though. A week later, he brought a coat that looked almost identical to his, except in a beige color, and with different attributes. Yours made you gain sun resistance.

You cried when you stepped out in the sun, feeling warmth from the fiery ball for the first time. You hugged him dearly, thanking him over and over again.

Yoo Joonghyuk was shocked to say the least. As a man who's unfamiliar with such emotions, he awkwardly patted your back. He never realized how much this meant to you. After all, vampires have feelings to.

headcannons here

he definitely gets the coat first thing when he regresses

since the scent of blood is so strong to you, he will use his coat to wrap you up and calm you down

Where SP exists, YJH definitely gets jealous whenever SP gifts something to you at the exact time you need it.

ur blood bag, he volunteers

every time he regresses, its really weird

like just imagine some super over powered hot guy comes to you and says like-

"Let me be your blood bag i love you" or something LMAOOOO

Nah he wouldn't do that (he probably might)

It would be really awkward though because he'd try to like move the relationship really fast cuz he just wants to date you and hold hands and other lovey-dovey stuff

he's awkward in general

definitely has killed before to give you blood

brought back a bucket of blood once

you didn't drink it because like STDs yk

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kim Dokja was like a child asking Santa Claus questions about Christmas when he first met you (pre apocalypse btw). I mean, you're just like the characters in his favorite novel!

It was an accident when he found out. I mean its not normal seeing your co-worker drink animal blood and eat raw animal meat is it? And i mean... it was pretty odd everyday when you came to work all bundled up.

When the apocalypse hit, the two of you were both on the train/subway. You were breathing heavily, trying to control yourself. He gave his coat to you and put it on top of your head, blocking your vision. Few minuets later, he gave you a grasshopper to kill.

Later on, after he became 'Demon King of Salvation,' he met 'Mass Production Maker' at the Gourmet Association when they were viewing the scenario and talking.

(I cant remember all they way how Mass Production Maker acts fyi)

"Mass Production Maker sir, I'd like to ask for a favor." It was rare for someone like the Demon King of Salvation to ask for a favor, well unless it was you. "Oh? And what may someone like you ask for from an old man like me?" Mass Production Maker did not take his eyes off the scenario, but you could tell he was listening to the rather newly born constellation.

"There's someone very dear to me who needs a rather special coat...I know you don't really do commissions but-" The Mass Production Maker laughed an old hearty laugh. "My, my, what young love folks like you have! How enjoyable! I like you young man, make sure to stay loyal, I'll do it for free as you helped me earn so many coins from the bet!" (I think that's what happened if I remember correctly?)

-----

when you two finally met again, Kim Dokja wrapped you in a lovely beige coat, just like his. "What is this?" you asked curiously. "A coat for you to step out in the sun!" You gasped. "R-really?! I can finally go outside?.."

He nodded and dragged you right next to where the shadows met the sun. You stopped, nervous to if this would work or not. Kim Dokja turned around and held your face. "Hey..It's going to work, I promise." He assured you.

[The constellation, "Demonic Judge of Fire" squeals in happiness.]

[500 coins have been sponsored]

"Alright then..." You slowly stepped out in the sun, eyes shut as you waited to burn but-you didn't? You slowly opened your eyes, your senses feeling the warmth on your face. "I'm-I'm in the SUN!" You jumped and hugged Kim Dokja. "Thank you Thank you!" You cried, tears running down your face. You could finally feel the warmth you longed for with him under the sun.

Headcannons!!!!!

Likes to give you blood

wants you to just drink all of his blood, i mean its not like he can't revive

Flabbergasted when you cried when he was dead for 3 days

He likes to hug you because you're always cold (cuz ur a vampire...ykyk)

Had a HUGEEEEEEE cultural (or vampire) shock when you didn't bite his neck but his hand instead

and the silver thing

and garlic

becomes a huge vampire nerd

will correct people when they say something wrong about vampires

outsiders will think HE'S the vampire because of how much he talks about them

likes to be carried bridal style by you with your super strength vampire abilities

first time you two ate together at a restaurant when he knew you were a vampire, he asked for a raw slab of meat with lots of blood

the waiter looked at him weirdly

everyone in the restaurant stared at the two of you

you guys got banned from it

THE ENDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

#kim dokja x reader #kim dokja #x vampire reader #orv x reader #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #omniscient reader's viewpoint x reader #kdj #kdj x reader #yoo joonghyuk #yoo joonghyuk x reader #yjh x reader #yjh #manhwa x reader

[passports-pls]

I was very disappointed in the lack of quality Mine playlists so I made my own 🤞

Listen here

you COULD listen to it in your own free time OR you could listen to it alongside my mentally insane directors commentary 😌

(under the cut)

for the sake of this post not getting too long I am grouping all the important songs into different categories pertaining to the different eras of mine tm

Pre-Daigo Misery (Nobody - The Other Woman)

This section is mostly abt Mine being a lonely little weirdo (characterised mostly by the smiths unsurprisingly) and because this era lacks a lot of actual content my notes are less specific between songs

There are actually so many male manipulator songs that fit too perfectly with Mine in this part of his life that I couldn't resist like I'm sorry but creep by radiohead is LITERALLY about him i don't make the rules

Okay but I do find 'Heaven Knowns Im Miserable Now' so funny in this context because I'm sure Mine was forcing himself into the yakuza expecting it to be so much easier to have close connections with these other men compared to his previous 9-5, only to find its almost exactly like his 9-5 just with more crime

'Salvatore' and 'Therefore I Am' are specifically the songs I attach to his bateman-esque grindset and his bubbling hatred for most of the people he works with dsfgf

okay but THE OTHER WOMAN ASWELL. It's literally mine you wouldn't understand. He dedicates so much time to taking care of himself and setting himself up to be an actual catch of a man and yet,, no one gives a shit about him despite all the effort he puts into his lifestyle to appeal to the ppl around him

LIKE??? Kicking and screaming he's so lana del ray coded

Just the sheer depression of this era i feel so bad for him

Yandere-mode activated (Can't Get You Out of My Head - The Killing Moon)

Self explanatory however actually finding songs that pertain to his specific brand of obsession was surprisingly difficult sfdsf

Although I will say that I cope and seethe at the fact that I had to sift through Killing Stalking playlists to settle on most of these songs gfdgsf

Theres such a delicate balance between the right amount of fluff and insanity that very few songs capture without being about literal stalking

like no in this case the stalker fucking won

that and vibes of idolizing Daigo like a god, I think 'Out of Touch' and 'Stolen Dance' do this the best

And freak because I can only imagine in all of Mine's relationships it's always been purely transactional and no ones ever put in the effort to actually talk and get to know Mine in any intimate form.

my poor touch starved blorbo

FEELINGS TM (Romantic Homicide - How to Dissapear)

THIS SECTION I FEEL GREATLY ABOUT

These songs to me are all about how Mine copes with Daigo's hospitalisation and when he wakes up. His whole internal battle surrounding his premature grief and his loss of connection with Daigo because could no longer see him as a truly living thing anymore

'Change' specifically hits when you think about it in this context. Because it's not so much about any real change in Daigo himself it's all about Mine's mental image of him now (because let's be real, Mine was way more in love with the idealised version he had of Daigo more than anything tangible about him)

IFHY is a little more of any iffy choice but I think it still convey's a lot about how conflicted Mine likely felt as well as just continuing his Yandere behaviour just in a much more sinister flavour

Okay but here's where my favourite song of the entire list is

WHITE FLAG BABY

admittedly it's completely self indulgent and ties into the mine-lives theory. But just the guilt and shame Mine felt when he see's that Daigo was indeed alive and that he was going to have to explain the past few weeks to him

yeah i would've thrown myself off that roof as well

also the lyric "I will go down with this ship" paralleling his "everyone abandons ship eventually" line just tickles my brain in the best way

'Door' and 'I Guess' are also just Mine guilt tm as well

'I guess' even more specifically because he's literally attached himself to daigo like a parasite and now he's thinking daigo's gonna break up with him I just AUGH

He KNOWS he's completely fucked up but I don't think he realises how much of a pushover Daigo is just yet and that he would have forgiven him eventually gjfdg

I'll probably update this with more notes as I remember them but for now I hope y'all enjoy the playlist!

#mine yoshitaka #rgg #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza #character playlist #Yakuza 3 #playlist #now I can finally listen to Mine flavoured goodness without gritting my teeth #Spotify

[livethrushit]

so im a first-time watcher of better call saul & have not looked into any analysis/commentary yet bc im not done and i dont want to find spoilers.

watching s3e9 made me realize we as the viewers get our real first taste of what it's like to be chuck, someone who can barely handle any shred of empathy towards jimmy. obviously streaming has changed a lot, but they spent about 4 years making you feel empathetic to whatever the fuck jimmy was up to bc he seems like an overall good guy. thinking about mike's quote where he says there's the law, you either follow it, or you don't and that's when you're considered a criminal.

but being a criminal does not mean you're an inherently bad person or doing something morally wrong. and most of jimmy's antics at this point are usually at the expense of rich pricks who intentionally hurt people. he goes above and beyond to help those he loves, like Painfully above and beyond. even when they hate him, even when they can't stand to be near him. he's as smart as chuck but in a morally different way and it makes him interesting compared to the straight laced intelligence of chuck.

then he does it: he needs money like yesterday and in dire straits he pulls a long con on an innocent, kind person. and it is brutal to watch. you can't even give him the benefit of the doubt because the urgency and desperation in his actions betray any unbothered, unstoppable facade he usually props up. there's a visceral reaction to the sort of scam he's pulling this episode. it's predatory, and aimed at someone highly vulnerable. the opposite of what we've seen him doing for almost 4 years.

it feels like after all this time, we are hitting a shift towards Maybe beginning to understand chuck more. he probably really liked jimmy at one point. but watching him con the most vulnerable people in his life so many times, with distressing amounts of elaborate lies, that empathy starts to run cold. you maybe start to wonder if maybe jimmy *only* conned the rich and arrogant because he reaped a bigger reward. the people he loves are apparently not valuable enough to con unless he stands to gain something in the situation.

jimmy's deep love for kim seems surface level at best when he completely overlooks her overwhelming distress. she hasn't slept, she's losing her composure, we don't see her eat, she's burying herself in work. a lot of this is a poor coping mechanism for betraying chuck, a vulnerable man whose bitterness comes from a lifetime of watching hard scenes like the ONE scene we now have. kim is feeling the after effects of giving jimmy the benefit of the doubt, a feeling chuck knows well. it starts to harden you.

it's our turn to decide if jimmy deserves benefit of the doubt this episode.

#better call saul season 3 #better call saul #better call saul spoilers #kim wexler #chuck mcgill #jimmy mcgill

[callibones]

Whats your favorite version of Revolver Ocelot?

this is the most difficult thing anyone has ever asked me. i know this because i thought "oh! it's obvious" and then changed my answer so many times that i realized id hit ALL of them.

in the time it took me to type that paragraph my favorite changed three more times and im not kidding. im feeling it wildly fluctuate in my brain.

mgs1: ocelot classic. old man loves his revolvers. adore. went to torture university and got a degree in torture and now everyone's saying boo hoo torture's immoral.

mgs2: liquid ocelot. outstanding. hes even better in mgs4 but here hes already wonderful. it doesnt even matter where hes better though because liquid ocelot is one Version. so the only preference ive been able to determine here is irrelevant to the question.

mgs3: baby ocelot. ocelots are proud creatures *spins guns for several minutes and MEOWS*. i understand how he felt when big boss called him pretty good and you could see in his eyes him falling absolutely in love. this ocelot made me adore all ocelots more for having met him. so absolutely a contender. but

mgs4: liquid ocelot again. here hes OUTSTANDING. dude is SO not liquid snake and it SHOWS. hes having so much fun. that one scene where he does the thing with the finger guns. is just. perfect. hes in his element. his boss fight is perfection. but

mgs5: cowboy ocelot. theres no two ways about it this ones hot. sorry. the other ones are just endearing and delightful but this one. i dunno. he still sucks. he pronounces french wrong on purpose because he hates french people. iconic behavior. his design is at his best. the polycule is in fucking shambles. hes in the same game as kaz which would overshadow literally anyone else except venom snake and him. (huey is not overshadowed because he was never a contender for most endearing. hes one of my favorite characters in media for different reasons. this is because he is so patently over the top horrible in such a fun way that hes different.)

after going through all of these in my head i can safely say that like.

i love love love ocelot classic but the others are better. fourth favorite

cowboy ocelot is really fun and fantastic and funny. gets great lines and hates the french. third favorite

between baby ocelot and liquid ocelot i am agonizing. but. but. but.

hold on i just remembered cowboy ocelot does that thing in 5 where he echoes all of the lines from big boss about how guns work and i remembered i loved him even more than i thought and now im stuck between those three again. anon what have you DONE. this is CRUEL.

um

okay im at a loss i was hoping describing each of them in turn would help but im even more dead set in the tie now. liquid ocelot is so different from baby ocelot is so different from cowboy ocelot. cowboy ocelot is, even more than ocelot classic, the Platonic Ideal of revolver ocelot, Fully Formed but not yet in his Containment Breach Form. so as far as who i think of when i think of my "favorite ocelot" it's gotta be cowboy ocelot. you can chart the line from baby ocelot right to him and see how he got even more iconic. with his stupid hat

#revolver ocelot #metal gear #liquid ocelot #i was going to answer this in like one sentence and then it got away from me i PROMISE i wasnt going to do this #i am so sorry to my non metal gear mutuals

[himbos-hotline]

☆ sleepover saturday ☆

do you have any hangmega fic recs? either your own fics or other's fics

okay theres more then likely gonna be a lot cuz im gonna just scroll through the tag but theres so many that have fundermentally changed my brain chemestry

@old-no7 Boy unwritten: I dont have enough words to say how much this fundermentally changed not only my brain chemestry but my entire life. the way they paint picture with their words is something that I inspire to have so totally check out all their works but totally boy unwritten cuz it actually made me cry.

Cinderella stories never happen to whores: I dont know who wrote this but its like, I remember sitting in the bank reading this fic cuz like it grips you soooo tightly. Its totally one I go back too and reread

watch each other falling: the characterisation in this really makes me wanna go feral. I normally dont read sex pollin stuff but this took me by the hand and then pulled me into a kiss than a suplex

symphonies in the dark: okay whoever wrote this is in the wrestling and writing server and I think when they posted it I yelled at my sibling so loud over text

warm blood [feels good]: changed me as a man. Also why do we keep going to nick whenever hanger realises that hes in love with kenny, you think nicky understands love?! /lh

okay so runner is a series and I am,,,not over it! I need someone like this as a rp partner! someone who will just like- throw this kinda stuff at me and then we write something like this. I miss rp-ing so bad ;-;

mending bridges: this is another fic i remember clicking on and all of a sudden its the break of dawn and im laying there staring at my celing

to be king for a day: WINNERS ROOM MY BELOVED OMFG

never: more golden lovers than anything and my first fic I read

cuz in my head I do everything right: by @miserablecreachur It rubs my brain so hard that it feels like sandpaper and I literally kinda had to lay down and nap after this fic cuz I lvoed it so much

i come undone: yeah...yeah that tag match...

OKAY after all this im gonna finally show myself some love..theres so many fics and thats all I can remember off the top of my head!

Blood is as rare and sweet as cherry wine: I went to go see horses and the idea hit me cuz it was so cold I had sat shivering and split my lips in the chill and bloody kisses because Cleaner needs to kiss hanger...yeah....

if i said you could never touch me: a fic I pounded out in an hour and has continued to be one of the fic that bite my brain every now and again.

we made our peace with weariness and let it be: hangman stole an ambulance to save kenny...

i find myself alone at night unless im having sex: the happiest prompt turned into hangman pining for kenny while Kenny stares at him and pretends he does not see

an open hand to your other man: kenny omega cant keep promises, says I promise to everyone instead

Angel to me || the distance never made a difference : how hangman loves Kenny, how kenny doesnt say it back, how kota ibushi is there...

i picture it soft and i ache: angel kenny

#hangkenny #sleepover saturday #kenny omega #hangman page #mouse has pals #anon notes #no emoji assigned

[merchantarthurn]

all i have to say about the miraculous special aside from incoherent happy noises is that it's exactly like every fanfic i hold dear in that it felt so self-indulgent when it came to fun "what-if" scenarios and also really hit on like. actual fun character beats (okay turns out i have things to say, so here's a spoilery read more)

starting immediately with the alt theme song with gabriel was so inspired i had to immediately pause and lose my mind.

gabriel as a significantly better dude who is just failing to connect with his son during their very different grieving periods is legit so much more interesting than i expected from a "character morality flip" moment

alya and nino being still on the resistance team fills me with a lot of delight for so many reasons - character related, but also for the alt-universe actually not being a 'everyone is a different alignment' universe. the overall universe and characters perceptions of themselves or how they dealt with their grief is clearly completely altered for the ones we see changed. like... gabriel seems to have started off in a similar spot but the specifics of the universe meant he changed teams for the better. emilie seemingly dying much more suddenly and the general turmoil of the universe (and presumably not going to school with the other kids?) leading adrien to not process his grief in the same way. marinette never meeting alya and not finding the courage to stand up for herself without threats and power. damn...

betterfly is a stupid name and i love that. just remember that his name is just "butterfly" and not "hawkmoth" in french okay.

shadybug is also very silly but it's a pretty perfect alternative for 'toxinelle' and also so funny

the only knock i will give the episode is she changed her hairstyle at the end. shadybug's whole look was 10/10, she could have just shifted the colour scheme for the friendly vibe. i also think chat should have kept the green hair and maybe just gone with green eyes.

on cool outfits: the butterfly + ladybug combo looked gorgeous imo i will not argue on this

i was not expecting the episode to make me feel things but it was genuinely very sweet how both AU-duos got a mutual pep-talk. like this was a perfect time in s5 for it to be set - marinette's still struggling to find belief in herself and adrien is freaked out about what his power could do to someone, and his own self-control about that. and their chats with their alternate selves help them settle something (at least for now) in addition to helping the other!! their AU selves definitely have more to deal with given.. everything, but that's for another time im sure >:) i really do like that despite their Attitude they are just treated like kids with problems y'know? honestly i wish adrien had longer to talk about his grief cos i think that's a really valuable bit of telly for young'uns who've lost a parent y'know?

there's some #Logic you could do about identity reveals but honestly i do not care, because an actual fanfic where they're like "hey butterfly man if you told us who you were we could stop monarch way faster" and that resulting in some good!gabriel and chat/adrien chatting with him knowing who hawkmoth is like... ARGH. imagine. i feel like there's so many reasons he wouldn't want to expose his identity even to allies and we didn't need a scene where that was explained and i'll fight anyone who insists it's a ~cinema sins plothole ding~ that it didn't happen. if it's not in the show you get to fanfic it in many flavours. this is a WIN actually.

generally ive been so happy with season 5 and this just. ah. idk i was just very happy the entire time. im sure there'll be a lotta folks bemoaning this that and the other and that's fine! please have fun doing that cos i know people do but man mlb is to me my fun baby show for babies but season 5 feels like it went "what if this show was everything you already loved AND it gave you catharsis on like 30 different things on a show you've been watching since episode 4"

#ml paris special #(i am not anti salt but im not looking for an argument ahah i had unironic joy and fun pls don't piss on my parade) #(i will not piss on yours!! salt away good fellows just get your own post lol)

[pompadourpink]

Hi mom! I need some advice ! I trust your opinion , im so sorry that this will be a long one ! Im starting my freshmen year at college this fall, after a prep year. I want to open an instagram account , i like taking pictures and i want to keep up with my friends from prep year. The thing is i am a socially anxious person. And when i was in middle school i was made fun of because i had so little followers ( like 25 smthing) and i got sad and closed my account. I was 12 when that happened, i was also being bullied in many other ways. So i am afraid now that people will mock me for not having many followers and they will think im unsociable or uncool or something like that. The thing is i also think instagram is a fake place, but many school clubs announce things there and in college you just want to fit in. Also i was the nerd all my school life, i got no attention from boys whatsoever. I got really insecure, all the people that saw me this year tell me that i have changed so much, now i get compliments about my looks but i still feel unconfident. When it comes to interacting with boys all my friends tell me im too unapproachable. Maybe an ig account will help that? honestly idk. and i know that im overthinking this issue but that’s me unfortunately 😭

part 1

part 2

actually i hate ig flirting? like what does liking a story even mean i hate that kind of stuff. But appearently my generation dont know how to make a move in real life because all the relationships i know of starts online. I cant complain because i could have made a move? but i didnt because im anxious and sometimes insecure because of all the bullying i got in middle school. They made fun of me in unimaginably cruel ways , it still has affects on me years later. I am so desperate for male attention, like i was wearing a tshirt that was slightly wide in the collar and a classmate checked me out , i got really happy! How silly is that! Because i was told that thet were disgusted to even look at me before and they dont consider me as a woman !

Now i go to the best college in the country, i changed a lot physically ( that doesnt matter, i could stay ugly and they had no right) and they are still horrible human beings. Sorry to burden you with all these stuff, it took another turn .

Since i got shit treatment for being ugly earlier in my life, i guess i need validation, posting pretty pictures and being hit on by boys and it sounds silly to me but it is like that.

What do you think about this issue? I know that it’s a bit all over the place , sorry about that! Lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

*

Hello dear,

There is a lot to unpack here so Dr Talks too much is back in office.

Of course, you should get IG if you feel like it. You were 12 a long time ago, those people are probably not in your life anymore (and if they are, they should get fired, no one will arrest you for not talking to people). I also have a ridiculous number of followers and I don't even think about it (at least they actually care when I post), that is not what we are here for, numbers mean nothing and anyone who tries to tell you anything different doesn't deserve a place in your life.

You are at an age where this type of desire makes sense. If you want a collage of the things you love to make yourself feel happy and discover yourself, do it. And yes, if people find your account and like it, you could make some friends. And if they don't and mock you, you know who to avoid.

The rant about loneliness is worrying me greatly. If I could go back and talk to my 18-year-old self, I would tell her to drop the boy-obsessed attitude. The truth is that being desperate is a bad look, but also a very obvious one. You can get groomed easily because what you want is flagrant and any guy at least a little bit charming will drive you insane by just maintaining eye contact and smiling. And if a man can be super lazy and still get you, he will do exactly that and play with you until he's bored and dumps you without a care in the world. That is not a compliment. There are too many stories of women who put men first and got fucked over for people your age to try it and think it will go differently. Make yourself the main character of your life instead of forcing yourself to live in the shadow of people who don't even seem to like you.

Now, some homework:

Watch this. Excellent advice from a 20-year-old lady making the best out of loneliness instead of letting it destroy her.

And this. What happens when girls are boy-obsessed. If you have time, watch the show. The entire world agrees that Carrie is the worst character of the series because she's a shit friend, doesn't learn from her mistakes, and can't be trusted.

And finally, worry about yourself. There are billions of men on Earth and many will find you attractive. You have a long life ahead of you. A nice body is not enough to keep a guy and even models get cheated on. Don't date someone because he liked your cleavage. Having low confidence is a curse because it turns you into a people pleaser, and that just makes you a liar and an easy victim. People can't know you if there's no one to know. A great personality is what makes people stick. Listen to yourself, try fun things, find a therapist, and get a couple of hobbies. Get yourself some girlfriends and do things with them, strengthen your circle, make yourself a person worthy of being befriended or dated, and one day someone will say oh, there's that guy I used to know in high school, I think you would really like him. Don't force it. Don't chase. Only accept someone who is truly happy to be around you, or sentence yourself to have to heal from relationships forever.

Love,

Mum

#ask #malks

[hhelliish]

Some Seven Deadly Sin design ideas i felt i needed to write down somewhere

Lucifer (Pride): he is the character ive worked most on out all of them

currently his design is going through some changes. for one i want him to be more goat like. i still want to keep his sharper nose cuz i just really like that one him, but hes going to start looking more like a furry as the days pass sorry not sorry

his personality i dont plan on changing. he's going to remain a more standoff-ish and quiet, coming off as cold. but on his other side he is actually quite caring and passionate about taking care of his family, his people, and Hell itself

Sathanas (Wrath): hes a bit tricky. i didnt want him to be so predictable by being a meet head jock or something. so i decided to go the business man route.

im thinking of also making him more animal like. maybe a bull to represent the wrath part of him to get a better idea. he also 100% has glasses he's a nerd

personality; similar to Lucifer he's quiet and intimidating, but more like the opposite spectrum. he comes off as more stern and serious, not taking anyones shit and he means it

Beelzebub (Gluttony): my silly. ive grown heavily attached to him

entirely going into a bug look for him. in my mind he looks a bit human but has a lot of bugs features like antenna's, four pairs of arms, huge insect wings, differently bent legs, and possibly abdomen im not entirely sure about that yet

i always pictured him to be very carefree, silly, but really off putting and strange. bro totally eats corpses and thats ok because hes funny <3

he also has a wife and child. she let him hit cuz hes goofy

Asmodeus (Lust): this again is a tricky one cuz i really want him to be unique but translate his design that doesnt feel overcomplicated to design. because if you know how he really looks, its a lot

i do have in mind i want him to be fat as im tired of the definition of Lust being this skinny guy. fat people can be hot af and i want that to be more pushed

i was also thinking with how Asmodeus has more than one face, i either thought he could change his features by waving a hand in face that changes everytime like magic. or he spins his head like a doll and appears a new face every so often. not entirely sure with what i want to do but the separate faces i dont think i want to make to be different people, rather just different appearances

Asmodeus is also a kind and full of passion for others. he has several partners that he all treats very well and is not purely out of lust

Mammon (Greed): again, this is a hard one

Mammon in my mind can be many things and its hard for me to decide what he looks like. so he is the one thats the most work in progress as for some reason its just difficult for me

as for personality, hes by far the nastiest out of all the Sins. besides Belphegor, he very much embraces the sin he represents and doesnt feel bad about it. hes a man of the status quo and likes to be the bigger person power or wealth wise.

even though when being ranked alongside the other seven sins he isn't that powerful compared to Sathanas, Beelzebub, or definitely Lucifer

so hes kind of compensating all the time for his broken ego LOL

Leviathan (Envy): SEA WITCH SEA WITCH

ive been so excited to design her and im gonna go all out with the deep sea monster look. i envision her as a kind of kelpie/siren kind of monster creature girl that has hair covering her face but a huge creepy smile. shes got lots of teeth like a shark

personality so far is that shes a bit creepy. she likes to make herself look as if her spine is cracking in half and loves fucking with people. but sometimes her creepiness is just who she is. no one can tell when shes being serious or being an ass

Belphegor (Sloth): the last furry i promise (not)

yeah, i may be stealing the idea of what Vizviepop is doing with her Belphegor. not like entirely tho since we still dont know what she looks like. but my Belphegor is going to be a sheep for certain

i want her to be the shortest out of all the Sins and look like the fairly unthreatening one. but thats where she gets you cuz actually all along her fluffy wools is eyeballs that pop out of nowhere and scare the hell out of you

her attitude to me is more predictable for Belphegor by being noncaring, monotone, and sleepy. but i honestly cant think of her in any other way it just fits best. i imagine she never even walks she just floats around with a pillow and sleeps randomly

these are just concept ideas btw but i needed to air this out to someone so i hope you guys enjoy seeing my thought process <3

#hellish #oc #hellish lucifer #hellish beelzebub #hellish sathanas #hellish asmodeus #hellish leviathan #hellish belphegor #hellish mammon #my oc stuff #my stuff #my writing #my ocs #oc stuff #ocs

[communistchilchuck]

lonnie for the character ask thing :)

always. always.

Sexuality Headcanon: i bounce back and forth between whether i think lonnie wouldn’t label his sexuality or whether the act of labeling his sexuality (+ gender for that matter) would be something that feels good for him, but i’d say what either describes it best or IS it is bi. im also fond of aromantic lonnie and both at the same time.

Gender Headcanon: transfem + genderfluid (i tend to use she/he interchangeably for her). and i read it into her narrative too. the way that she always felt a disconnect from her peers that tied into her apologizing to her parents that they weren’t able to bring up the “all-american boy” and the way that her parents emphasize that she’s different from other boys, how the anarky costume has a mask that reflects the faces of the people that look into it back outward + how i feel that through giving so much of her life to being anarky she’d get used to being this entity that’s referred to by terms other than just he and him and man and boy etc. until she unmasks and it defaults back. i think after a while there’d be a disconnect and it wouldn’t really hit until after red robin when she has to deal with just Being Lonnie (and Moneyspider) for longer than she’s ever had to after taking up her mission. and i think that gender fluidity of anarky, despite if she sticks with the identity or not, would be something she decides to embrace for herself as a person. i’ll stop there. but basically its real.

A ship I have with said character: i’ve already been over timlonnie on my tim post so i’ll make my stance clear right here, right now: i like stephlonnie but in my own “their characterizations align with how they were pre-flashpoint and rebirth never happened” way. i think the base concept of lonnie falling for steph is soooo cute and having it be her of all other gothamites would be very fitting. i think he and steph could also bond over quite a lot from the way they approach vigilantism to their complicated relationship with the bats and the joker paternity debacle vs. having the cluemaster as a chromosome donor.

A BROTP I have with said character: lonnie does not have many friends and that is a purposeful thing. i already mentioned tim on my tim post so instead of saying he + mia dearden, which is entirely made up in my own mind but nonetheless has me in a chokehold, i’ll say he and oliver queen, which is one of my favorite out of the… 3 big dynamics he has with other vigilantes. oliver is the one older person who, despite distrusting him at first, came to approach lonnie’s way of doing things with an open mind and actually teamed up with her twice. partnering with lonnie reminded ollie of the ideals he holds dear and of his younger self in a way that prompted good introspection. i think having someone like ollie around, who is an experienced leftist vigilante willing to see things her way while also providing a bit of natural guidance and even potentially a community would be good for lonnie… and i forever mourn the team-up comic that was proposed but never got made. hard traveling heroes 2 forever.

A NOTP I have with said character: ummmm. rebirth stephlonnie? born of horrid characterization. there are not many people he’s interacted with enough to ship him with. i guess i’ve seen people ship he and bruce in the far dark corners of earlier bat fandom which should go without saying but fucking sucks ❤️

A random headcanon: aside from her 12-year-old self’s job as a paperboy, she likes biking. being active in general too but she should probably slow down because there is no way 9+ hours of exercise a day is healthy

General Opinion over said character: my favorite comic book character and i can’t see that changing soon. lonnie means the absolute world to me and more. getting a little personal, i’ve met some of my best friends through liking and talking about anarky, and for that i’m forever thankful. digging into the history behind his creation and his use in the bat narrative revealed just how much passion was put into him as a character which makes him even better and more meaningful to me even if he went in a direction i wasn’t the biggest fan of. despite less than 100 appearances, she’s a complex character with some of my favorite comics under her belt and an unforgettable debut appearance. what she means when put up against bruce and the potential that held is something i never tire of discussing. i wish every single day that dc would stop marketing her as a batman villain. i think she should’ve been disabled and had what happened to her during Red Robin centered around her because i think it would’ve been an excellent way to both give her more prominence and develop her along more after such a period of being so isolated + putting her whole identity into her mission. i never get bored of reading through her comics over again, it makes me genuinely so happy to do so. machin nation forever and im serious.

#neon-zoologist #ask game

[raven]

wrt persona main characters and shipping (which is literally encouraged in the game so dont even talk to me). p3 is wild because many good parts about yukari come from her dating the protag but their actual relationship is like. you're doing all this... for HIM?! i dont like thinking about them together, but theyre literally real and true. It's similar with aigis. both of them lack chemistry but it feels like they NEED to date him for the narrative. ryoji also lacks chemistry. grow up. every other character should not date him. Grow. Up. femc is wild because i DO care about her relationship with aigis a LOT and the only thing that changed is that theyre both girls but can you blame me...? they explicitly change the relationship so that it's compelling. they're both girls!! We gave the robot internalized homophobia! femc somehow despite not being in any actual cutscenes with anyone has much more dynamic swag. next protagonist. p4 is definitely a similar level of bland to p3, but mostly outside of relationships, whereas p3 protag i can generally vibe with in his daily life but not his relationships. mr p4 is completely 100% undoubtedly carried by yosuke, who is the true main character of p4 for better or worse. Every other relationship in that game sucks. except ai. Shout out to ai. not that i want them to be together. i like that social link only if you start out dating her. #celibacy. #breakup. hes also a generally good older brother figure so I'll give him that. anyways, yosuke, yeah everything they did with him is crazy, this post is long enough. and now onto joker. Now thats a character with character. Do i have a bias towards women? possible. joker just hit everything for me. what made joker so different idk scholars will be looking into it but i think its definitely at least 75% the eyelashes. his chemistry with every man is great. women are definitely more hit or miss with him but thats because p5 was made by severe misogynists, not because joker himself is flawed. having a protagonist with an actual identity is definitely a good move from p5, especially because social links only have one path anyway. It's not like you can choose any stories at all, so you might as well just make the character a character. and reward the player for acting in character. Well there you have it. Tune in next time. im working on my phd dissertation for this series

[thestarsofpines]

okay depression time. rant and possibly triggering stuff ahead

i see all this amazing art of hijack and vld and all i think of is how i feel my art has stagnated over the years, especially after graduation from college. i try hard to turn that jealousy into inspiration but fuck it’s hard. especially seeing how young some of these amazing artists are and it just makes me feel…like ive missed my time, i guess. im so proud of these artists, but jealousy is a bitch and i wish i could fully eradicate it from my being

jealousy makes me feel gross.

i know i need to just, keep drawing but it’s hard too, i guess i’m in an art block because very few of my sketches i even want to try and finish. and those that i do i don’t like the end product, so it feels like a waste but i know it’s not!! i know it’s productive to keep drawing and practicing but…i don’t know. i don’t know what to do to make myself happy with my art. practice yes obviously but i feel like i want to draw in so many different ways and do different things and try stuff way above my skill level

i’m just tired, man. like, of life in general. job searching is hell, student loans start up soon and without a source of income outside of unemployment im so stressed about that. i’m switching doctors for my mental health stuff because i’m on six different meds and none are really helping enough to the point that i don’t want to not exist. like, i don’t actively want to kill myself, but i also don’t want to be here, existing as i am. and that scares me to admit, obviously. i’ve stopped cutting but i still scratch and hit myself when i get overwhelmed with emotion, and don’t even get me started on my perception of myself. i hate how much weight i’ve gained and how little i’m motivated to change my habits to combat it. i want to be healthy but i don’t have the energy to put in the work to make my lifestyle better.

this got way off topic and honestly made me upset but i guess it’s better than bottling it up. my dad is here for one more day before he flies back to ohio and part of me wants him to stay because he helps me keep on track with job searching and eating regular meals and not sleeping all morning. but i know he needs to go back home to my mom and that i need to be a damn adult and do this shit on my own. i’m 26 for fucks sake. but here i am back on tumblr like i was when i was 16.

…at least now i can drive. i got over that fear out of pure necessity by making myself move multiple states away for a job i wasn’t even in love with. so like, i know i can overcome shit, i don’t know how looking back to be honest. i feel like i need a kick like that again but i don’t think i’m mentally stable enough for that.

fuck this just made me feel worse. mostly. ugh.

#shut up lily #shut up sage #trigger warning #tw: mental health #tw: sucidal thoughts

[miitopias]

would also like ur thoughts on everything i will listen to u talk abt video games always LOL but 6 9 12 22 28!

thank uu and likewise 🫶🫶 will not answer everything bc thts so many but also i feel like ive covered a lot of these topics before on my sideblog but! i will answer these for u 🫰

6. A series you’ve enjoyed since your early days of gaming and still enjoy to this day whether it still has games coming out or is one you return to pokemon and rhythm heaven :') ❤️ from these series ive only played platinum and rhds as a kid, so as an adult ive been enjoying their other titles.. though i do not rly care for 3d pokemon titles.. but with time that may change. and wait technically final fantasy, bc i had the ff4 ds cartridge as a kid. except it was in japanese and i had no idea how to play it and did fuck all. i didnt even realize it was final fantasy until years later when i played ff7, and i recognized the running from battle animation. and now i have final fantasy brainrot <3

9. A game you played completely blind with no prior knowledge of and enjoyed/loved ff9 and ghost trick 😎 im so happy i played these without any spoilers or any idea what to expect, bc i really think thats the best way to experience them

12. A character you particularly like in the game you’re currently playing YRP girlies 😎😎😎 idk when ill ever finish x-2 cuz this ps3 is kinda busted, but despite their kinda cringe dialogue i still love yuna and the girlies

22. A game ending that’s really stuck with you FF9....... i think u saw my insanity firsthand when i did not shut up about it for like 8 months 😭 it really changed my life bc it was ff9 that really made me get more serious w literary analysis of games and medias in general, bc i just wanted to understand everything abt this story. majora's mask similarly changed my life and was the reason i made a sideblog to begin with, because i NEEDEDDD to be insane about this game somewhere.. god what an ending. god. ok im not going to go insane abt it rn LOL my focus is on Spider-Man now.

28. Pick a series you like. What was the first game you played for it? Was it a good starting point? Would it still be a good starting point now? i wont pick final fantasy bc my answer is literally the same as yours LOL so um... i will pick zelda. my first zelda game was botw and honestly that is an AWFUL starting point for getting into zelda JFKLJSDL bc its just so. fucking different from every zelda game out there. and also bc its a love letter to the franchise, that probably a million references flew over my head bc i didnt know what they were referencing. but yeah like its just absolutely awful to go from a game where you can freely jump to a game where you have to ROLL.

but at the same time i dont think botw is an awful starting point. bc like.... its a good game. its a good Modern game. like the older zelda games, especially the 3d titles, are extremely outdated. i dont think anyone should be playing those in this day and age when botw/totk is there to experience instead. while not ideal, i think its fine to hit it off with a modern switch title, then work your way down to older titles.

of course 2d zeldas are a different thing. dare i say, the superior thing. also i dont believe anyone should get into zelda. bad franchise. except when the games are good. all pondering aside the best starting point for zelda is ALBW, then MM3D. maybe some MINISH CAP as a treat. those are the only existing zelda titles. to me. but jokes aside if someone is really gonna have a 'starting point' for zelda games then its definitely BOTW/TOTK or ALBW. doesnt matter whether its a switch title or ALBW played first, but its very very very very important that ALBW is played as well.

[bulldyke-rider]

I accidentally hit send lol...i was saying that when others offer helpful advice then they respond with shit like "you mean i have to talk to women lol" "women intimidate me" "I can never do that im going to die alone" its like all they want to do is complain but never actually do something to change their situation its annoying

Yeah, that shit irritates me a little too.

One thing I don't like (and it doesn't piss me off or annoy me or anything, I just don't like it) is the "I feel like a predator". Because I feel like it probably has the opposite intended impact. Like, I understand the feeling, and I get that the point is just like talking about internal struggles. But I feel like instead of it easing the struggle for other women who feel predatory, it validates the feeling a little bit and might make other lesbians and bi women feel worse. And I'm not saying to never talk about it, but maybe there's a better way to word it and a better way to discuss it.

But one thing connected to it that I do hate is the response that our attraction to women is somehow super different from osa male attraction to women. Because really I think the response needs to be "do you prey on women? No? Then you're not a predator". And I think that for multiple reasons. Like, the attraction itself doesn't seem to be different to me. The behaviors and attitudes are different, but the attraction itself may be the exact same. I can just see the impact this stupid idea might have on an ssa woman with a high libido or preferences that strongly align with conventional attractiveness or any other aspect of her that she thinks makes her more like a man than the average lesbian or bi woman. I just feel like that idea probably makes some women feel worse rather than better.

Combine this with the fact that so many of y'all don't understand het male attraction in the slightest. Supported by individual women simultaneously holding the ideas that men only want conventionally attractive feminine women who put tons of effort in and that men will fuck anything. Men just talk differently about their preferences and have different attitudes about them. And also men lie. Men are not always honest about how they feel about certain groups of women.

AND while it's obviously not as common as male predators, there are women who prey on other women. All the women who lie about being single until they feel like they can spring their boyfriend on you to get a threesome are predators. You can be predatory and a ssa woman.