#they’re over 30 and work in mental health… they should know how to regulate their emotions better

[fleshdyke]

i almost feel bad making fun of dancinbutterfly bc this is clearly not a normal response for like anyone and this has to be some sort of mental health issue

#they’re over 30 and work in mental health… they should know how to regulate their emotions better #like they said their trauma response is getting angry which like. sure. fine. but if i can deal with my emotions in a more mature way than #they can? when they are a grown adult in the medical field and i’m a teenager ??? HELLO #like they should know how to not explode on people like that… get off the internet babe. touch grass #like genuinely it isn’t a normal healthy response for like anyone to be over 30 and start yelling at a 16 year old for lying abt bathrooms #and to be comparing me to abusers and rapists and TERRORISTS? be serious #like there’s no way this is a healthy response to any of this. especially for again someone who works in the mental health field #plus i know cringe culture is dead but jeeesus christ the way they type sometimes… #‘this is the HELLSITE and you my good sir have failed at hellsiting. welcome to the blocklist!’ please. #god. get off tumblr please. #rambles

[ukrfeminism]

A nurse has described her eight years of hell as she fought the NHS over its failure to properly investigate claims she was sexually harassed by a colleague.

Michelle Russell, who has 30 years of experience, first raised allegations of sexual harassment by a male nurse to managers at the mental health unit where she worked in London in 2015.

Years of battling her case saw the trust’s initial investigation condemned as “catastrophically flawed” while the nursing watchdog, the Nursing Midwifery Council (NMC), apologised for taking so long to review her complaint and referred itself to its own regulator over the matter.

With the case still unresolved, Ms Russell will see her career in the NHS end this week after she was not offered any further contract work.

Speaking to The Independent she said: “If I’m going to lose my job, I want other nurses to know that this is what happens when you raise a concern. I want the public to know this is what happens to us in the NHS when we are trying to protect the public.

“I have an unblemished career. They’re crying out for nurses. I’ve dedicated my life to the NHS. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

Former Labour health minister Ann Keen condemned the way in which Ms Russell had been treated: “This can’t be right. How is this happening?

“Pillars of society, letting not just one nurse down, but also potentially [failing] public safety. How, again, has it been demonstrated, that the NHS is not taking sexual abuse seriously?”

Roger Kline, who has led several major cultural reviews for the NHS, said: “It’s one of the worst cases I’ve seen where discrimination has been met with denial, avoidance and retaliation.

“Instead of dealing with allegations the trust brutally turned on her. This is not remotely how we should deal with allegations of sexual harassment made by competent experienced professionals. It has disgracefully ended Michelle’s nursing career.”

It shows “the general inability of the NHS to deal with sexual harassment until very recently. It is a scandal,” he added.

New figures show that the NMC is facing a growing backlog of 5,711 cases in December – up from 5,463 in June.

Last year our investigation revealed claims that a “culture of fear” in the NMC was leaving rogue nurses free to abuse patients. As a result of the stories, the NMC has launched three independent probes.

Ms Russell had worked as a nurse at North East London Foundation Trust (NELFT) for 20 years. However, in 2015, after months of alleged “unwarranted” touching and “inappropriate” behaviour from another nurse, she decided to report her concerns to her manager.

A full 12 months later, the trust’s HR department told Ms Russell her allegations were not upheld. During this time, she went off sick leave and as a result of being away from clinical duties for so long was unable to work as a nurse under NMC rules.

Throughout that time, Ms Russell said: “I was treated as the accused. I was isolated from any support that I may have had. It was like I had to explain why I didn’t move [during the incident]. Describe and draw on the desk what my personal space looked like.”

Her comments come in the same week as The Independent revealed tens of thousands of allegations of sexual assault and harassment have been recorded in mental health hospitals.

Despite her setback, Ms Russell persevered, determined for her story to be heard.

Standing in the rain outside parliament in 2018, holding a sign that read “I’m a nurse who was sexually assaulted at work and I’m going to lose MY job” she had a chance encounter with the NHS’ most senior nurse Ruth May.

This encounter prompted the NHS England executive to launch an independent review into North East London Foundation Trust’s investigation which later in July 2018 found the hospital’s report was “catastrophically flawed” and that it failed to understand its own HR policy on sexual harassment.

The catastrophic flaws also included trust officials communicating directly with Royal College of Nursing Officers who were representing both Ms Russell and her accused, which was against trust policy.

It also found the actions of the trust’s investigator had a “lack of impartiality” towards the issues Ms Russell had alleged and found the handling of her complaint was so “clumsy” it led to the breakdown of relationships and undermined the possibility of the nurse returning to her job.

A third independent report, by a consultancy called Vista commissioned by NELFT, finished in 2019 and upheld Ms Russell’s allegations, finding the male nurse’s behaviour “amounted to sexual harassment” and that “some aspects could be categorised as sexual assault”.

Both reports and a suspension letter cite allegations of inappropriate behaviour by Ms Russell’s alleged harasser involving the relatives of patients, one of which was withdrawn. The NELFT said it has not received any formal reports involving families, while the NMC claimed it could not find evidence of such claims.

In a statement to The Independent, NELFT said it had accepted the findings of the investigations in full, and taken the issues raised by Ms Russell “extremely seriously” and as a result has put in place new sexual safety policies and improved its oversight and training.

It claimed it had no direct formal complaints from patients or family members over the nurse.

Ms Russell first referred the nurse to the NMC in 2016. However, a year later, she found the NMC’s screening team had closed the case “without further investigation”.

Two years later the regulator reopened the case after a determined Ms Russell travelled to its offices and refused to leave until officials looked into the NHS England review.

During the investigation, Ms Russell’s GP was forced to write to the NMC and condemned it for failing to carry out its investigation in a “trauma-informed way”, a letter seen by The Independent shows.

The NMC’s delays worsened and it was not until July 2023 – after four years – that the NMC brought a fitness to practice hearing against her alleged harasser. In that period it found two other staff members at NELFT had made allegations of inappropriate verbal comments against the same alleged harasser. 

However, Ms Russell claims the NMC failed to investigate properly as it did not submit the NHS England review and Vista reviews as evidence to the fitness to practice hearing. The regulator said it was not able to establish direct evidence for the additional patient-related concerns in the reviews.

However, the defence was able to submit extracts from the first “catastrophically flawed” review by the hospital during the hearing.

Ms Russell says she was devastated after the NMC’s panel said her allegations could not be proved. The NMC’s panel did find there was a case to answer for a less serious allegation by one of the other two staff members.

The panel said there was not enough evidence to prove her claims on the “balance of probabilities”.

Since then, the NMC has referred itself to its regulator – the Professional Standards Authority – on the basis that its independent panel’s decision in Ms Russell’s case “is not sufficient to protect the public”.

She launched an employment tribunal claim against NELFT over its failures. This claim led to a settlement agreement in September 2022 for her to move to NHS England on secondment and for her post at NELFT to be filled. Next week that secondment will come to an end.

Andrea Sutcliffe, NMC chief executive and registrar, said: “I know it’s been an extremely difficult time for Ms Russell and on behalf of the NMC, I’m sorry this case took too long. There’s no place for sexual misconduct in society, and we took the concerns Ms Russell raised with us very seriously.

“We considered the evidence carefully and decided there was a case to answer, and we made that case at a hearing. However, an independent panel decided that the charges we brought in relation to Ms Russell were not proved. Understandably that has been very distressing for Ms Russell. We’ve asked the Professional Standards Authority to review the panel’s decision.” 

#articles #mvawg

[ao3-sucks]

An Archive of Someone’s Own: my experiences being groomed in fandom circles on AO3

TW: Childhood sexual abuse, grooming, mentions of incest and rape.

I used to be a big writer of fanfiction. It was the logical choice for me. I loved to write and create bold and immersive worlds, and I craved an audience who would enjoy my work as much as I did. Since my writing wasn’t actually good, I needed a community of other amateurs who wouldn’t mind that, and by tweaking my characters and settings into ones from canonical media, I got the audience I so craved.

I started writing fanfiction online when I was 14, posting initially on FanFiction.net and then moving to AO3 a few months later. As I got back into writing original fiction towards the end of high school, I lost interest in this community, and it’s been a long time since I posted anything much on AO3.

I’ve always struggled with the fact I display a lot of symptoms of CSA, and for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why. Throughout my teen years, I refused to get changed or bathe when anyone was even vaguely nearby, constantly paranoid about being spied on; I developed a severe touch phobia, and would have frequent panic attacks from something as small as brushing arms with a passerby; I resolutely identified as asexual and refused to get into anything resembling a relationship with others because the very concept disgusted and repulsed me.

Weird, considering I had grown up pretty normal and all of these symptoms had started around my early teens. It was only when I told my friends about my friendship with a 30 year old I had met online that the pieces started falling into place for me.

Child grooming is usually discussed in the context of one adult going out of their way to befriend a child with the goal of lowering their resistance to sexual abuse, through normalisation and friendliness. I’d like to talk about how that worked on the fanfiction website AO3. Since it’s an open website and most communication takes place between anonymous users or accounts in the comments section of a work, there is very little delineation between spaces for adults to discuss whatever dark topics they like and spaces for kids to do the same.

This frequently leads to pretty inappropriate conversations between people of widely varying ages and life experiences, which is how I ended up talking sex as a fourteen year old with people ranging from a couple of years older than me, who were generally okay, to more than twice my age. The 30 year old in question listed on her profile how many pedophilic ships she loved, and she knew my age but pushed me to keep discussing sexual topics with her. Sounds like a red flag, yeah? Well. I was 14, and very stupid.

This 30 year old woman, who I will call Aku (because it’s similar to her screen name and because it’s funny to name her after the bad guy from Samurai Jack) would start conversations with me whenever I posted anything to AO3 and would refuse to take no for an answer when I tried to back out of conversations with her, and since these conversations were public and occurring within comments, I didn’t want to be rude to her since this was taking place on content I was trying to promote.

I told her my age multiple times and she would either pretend she forgot from last time (saying her memory is super bad) or continue as though it was just trivia about me and not a sign she shouldn’t have been pushing me. My primary objection to what she would say to me (since most of it was just her being annoying) was her insistence on sexualising everything I wrote, and her determination to push me into writing pornographic content, which I eventually gave in to.

Yes, she was a terrible person. She emailed me using her personal email address, so I know her full name and place of residence, because she’s an idiot. These emails also contain sexually explicit materials. Nothing much ever happened between us except for these very creepy interactions and the fact we remained online friends for a few years. But here’s the thing: she wasn’t the only person pushing me into creating sexual content. Lots of people would comment on my writing demanding that I show explicit sexual content when I really didn’t want to.

After a while it felt like I couldn’t write a longer, romantic fanfiction without including explicit sexual content. Like my work wasn’t valid without it. Other, more popular writers were usually sexual in their content, and I wanted to be like them and bring in the views, right? So, when I look at my back catalog of works, I can see how my content moved from completely non-sexual to featuring sexual content over time, and the views usually came with. In this way, I was in an environment that was encouraging me on many levels to sexualise my own work, which impacted the way I thought about my creative process.

Here’s another example I remember. When I was a young sprout, I remember reading down someone’s list of fanfiction recommendations and seeing a work called Hug Therapy, which I promptly read. While the work is marked as explicit and containing the Loki/Thor pairing, the use of relationship and rating tags on AO3 is so poorly regulated that it didn’t really mean anything to me to see either of those. People tag hardcore material as non-explicit and tag friendships as relationships, because there’s no motivation to tag properly. Plus, someone I followed here on Tumblr had recommended it to me.

Now, you wouldn’t know from the listing, but while this piece starts out as comedy, it turns out in the end to include rape, incest, and BDSM in very explicit terms. The fact it was tagged as being explicit didn’t slow me down, because the liberal use of these tags could mean that an explicit tag was just there because sexual content was implied or mentioned, which I thought would be the case based on the rest of the listing. Out of curiosity, I recently tried to report this work to the moderators for containing no warnings about incest or rape, and I got this in response:

“Selecting “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings” satisfies a creator’s obligation under the warnings policy. Users who wish to avoid specific elements entirely should not access fanworks marked with “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings”. Our Terms of Service note: “You understand that using the Archive may expose you to material that is offensive, triggering, erroneous, sexually explicit, indecent, blasphemous, objectionable, grammatically incorrect, or badly spelled. ….. This decision is in accordance with our policy of maximum inclusiveness; we have therefore closed this case and will not be investigating further.”

Which, yeah, I guess. The frustration comes from how ‘Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings’ is an extremely commonly used tag, and most things that it’s used on are totally harmless.

This fanfiction, which I was recommended by a friend, is hugely popular, in the top 60 most read fanfictions in the entire fandom. You wanna hear the kicker? The author, Astolat, is one of the founders of AO3. They’re not just some random author who isn’t following the rules. They’re a creator of the whole website, and they made the rules. This is pretty telling about how seriously the website actually takes protecting their users.

My final example I want to give is one of fetish content. People in fetish communities generally (not always) say that fetishes are probably something one should work up to after the onset of sexual activity, especially potentially harmful stuff like BDSM. In the circles I was running in, if you weren’t sporting a fetish or two (no matter your age) you were a boring bitch.

Maybe this isn’t true of everywhere in the fanfiction community, but I used to feel that bizarre pressure until I got out. Bear in mind that my main time in this community was from ages 14 to 17. I never made my age a secret, either. I told people outright I was that age, I was in high school, I was playing hockey and studying The Great Gatsby when I wasn’t online.

Since I was in the Avengers fandom and I liked Loki and the Asgardians, I was frequently exposed to incestuous content between Loki and Thor, and a lot of it came out of nowhere or was poorly tagged. This was considered the norm, and while I at first felt completely horrified and repulsed, within a year or two I no longer gave a shit. It’s only in the last few years as I’ve begun to unpack everything that I’ve started to get that strong revulsion reaction to incestuous content.

In the circles I was in, it was relentlessly normal. Normal to the point that people who disliked it were usually shouted down. Even to this day, debate rages on in fandom spaces about whether or not content like this normalises this kind of abuse. In my own personal experience, which I don’t usually like to talk about, it absolutely does.

In real life, this normalisation started to have serious consequences for my mental health and interpersonal relationships. In fanfiction, any occasion when you are alone with someone could become sexual, any familial relationship is possibly sexual, and it doesn’t matter if you like it or not. I became incredibly anxious around male family members for fear of being sexually assaulted, and my OCD, which I had been developing since I was a child, turned from thoughts of physical violence to thoughts of graphically sexually assaulted by anyone and everyone around me.

My fear of being touched got to the point where I would have panic attacks if anyone came anywhere close to touching me. I quit sports, fucked up my romantic relationships, and didn’t hug anyone, not even members of my family, for years. All the while, I had bought my first laptop and was consuming more fanfiction than ever before. I struggled with my sexuality growing up, as I am bisexual, and while fanfiction provided LGBT content to help me, the content was frequently so disturbing that I viewed any expression of sexuality as something evil and predatory.

The community on AO3, whether you like it or not, is often sexual, and provides no barriers between the casual user looking for content and extremely intense fetish material. It’s sometimes called the Pornhub of fanfiction, but considering the wide range of people who use it, it’s more like if you opened Youtube and saw niche hardcore fetish videos just on the front page, recommended and trending.

Sure, you have to click a little button to confirm you’re 18 before you can actually read a story, but the tags and descriptions of readily available works can be extremely explicit. Fanfiction also brings you into close contact with fellow readers and the author, and encourages you to become a content creator, which in some ways makes it more dangerous.

I was affected much more strongly by what I saw than most people would be, because I was already treading shaky ground. But I’m also not the only person out there who has been hurt in this way. Most of my friends who grew up in fandom can report the impact that fanfiction culture had on them. One of my friends from high school knew a panoply of porn terms at age 14 or so due to reading fanfiction, and another of my other friends at high school almost exclusively read rape porn because it was her favourite. I didn’t have friends who watched porn; I had friends who read fanfiction. These are just as troubling to me as any other accounts of young people consuming visual porn from a very early age.

It’s frequently cited that fanfiction gives minority groups the opportunity for creative outlet. It was a great place for me to cut my teeth as a content creator, and a source of acceptance and kindness when times were tough. Fanfiction communities have historically been the domain of women and minorities, and create a space for these people to tell their own stories.

It’s largely because of this that fanfiction communities fear censorship and strict moderation, as they have been attacked in the past on homophobic or misogynistic grounds, resulting in mass deletions of works or the shutdown of websites. But there must be some middle ground between total censorship and the kind of free rein that puts vulnerable people in danger, and I strongly encourage the board of AO3 to seek this middle ground out.

But it’s the community itself that needs to shape up; AO3 is, after all, a community-led website built by fans for fans, so the fact that this website has such issues is a reflection of the issues that run deeply within the people who created it. Aku didn’t talk to me with the intention of doing me harm, or so I believe at this time, and she didn’t pursue me as a lone wolf or in isolation.

She was simply a particularly brazen member of a community that was used to having inappropriate conversations with young people and sexualising everything they did. Even people my own age were jokingly pushing me into discussing and consuming extremely sexual content. It was just normal. That’s what I want to say here. Inside the world of fandom on AO3, the grooming of children with sexual content is normal. And that’s scary.

- Mod Daft

#mod daft post #ao3 discourse #fandom wank #fanfiction discourse #fanfiction wank #csa// #rape// #grooming// #incest//

[333dolans]

Light Within The Darkness // G.D

Hey loves! This is my first attempt at writing anything for either of the twins so any constructive criticism is welcomed and very much appreciated. I love you!🤍

Summary: After a heated fight with Grayson leads to a cold night alone, an unEXpected and unwelcomed visitor arrives.

Warnings: Mentions of Abuse and Anxiety. ANGSTY with a lil fluff at the end.

“Are you actually taking the piss Y/N?!” Grayson growled, slamming the door to your small, but cozy apartment. You two had been leaving a small cafè in downtown LA when you had ran into an ‘old school friend’, or atleast that’s what you had told Grayson. He didn’t buy it at all of course, he had a talent of always seeing straight through you anytime you lied. He could read you like a book, he had your body language memorised like his favourite tame song and he knew this wasn’t simply an acquaintance from your early teenage years. When he tried to ask simple questions about him, you became very tense and he could see you had began grinding your jaw at the very mention of his existence and the encounter you had just had. you’d began cracking your fingers, a tell tale sign that you were rapidly becoming more and more on edge. He didn’t want to cause an argument from his tendency to always want to know what is going on, his need for control, so he let it slide. Well that was until you crossed paths with mystery man once again. “Two years with no interaction and we see each other twice within a half a hour period? It’s a sign from the universe Y/N, we should get back together haha!” The man joked. You smiled awkwardly, feeling the heat rising within Grayson. You couldn’t tell if it was due to the mans comment, or the fact that you had lied about this man being your most recent ex. It was probably a mixture, you thought to yourself. Grayson turned on his heel and was started off towards the Porsche just a few metres away. You rushed a quick farewell and dashed after your boyfriend.

“Gray can you just let me-” “Y/N. Don’t.” He interrupted. You didn’t dare speak another word until you made it back to your apartment. The car ride was a silent one, something you wasn’t used to in your entire relationship with Grayson. You two were always jamming out to a throwback playlist and singing your hearts out. When you arrived, He made his way across to where you were standing in the living room. “Gray, I’m sorry ok? I didn’t want to make things awkward for you. He’s my ex- boyfriend, it was uncomfortable and I just wanted to diffuse the situation as soon as I possibly could.” You tried to reason. “Don’t you think I was just as uncomfortable probably even more so when I found out he was your ex?! You should of just told me but instead you lied to me.” He argued back. “How could it possibly have been worse for you G? I have so much history with him and things didn’t end well between us. Why are you making this about you? You’re not even considering how I felt, it’s always about you isn’t it?” You whispered the last part, defeatedly. “If it’s ‘always about me’ then maybe I should leave, Wouldn’t want you to be stuck with someone so selfish!” He screamed. You could feel the tears building behind your eyes, he knew as well as everyone else in your life that if there was one thing you couldn’t take, it was someone shouting at you. It always sent your anxiety sky rocketing and left you spiralling. “Leave Gray. Now please.” You whispered, holding back the desperate urge to breakdown in front of him. “With pleasure, Bitch.” He spat before leaving your apartment the same way he entered. Those words, although simple ones, held so much more meaning to you when they fell from his lips, lingering in the air and consuming your mind. The tears instantly began to stream, letting out a choked sob. “If only you knew.” You thought out loud.

You were jolted awake by an increasingly louder banging on your door. You glance over at your clock, 2:39AM. Grayson. He had came to apologise for acting like such a dick. You slipped out of bed and wrapped your blanket around you tightly. The relentless torture your front door was under not once letting up. You peaked through the peep hole, you weren’t a complete idiot, you had to be sure it was Gray. But who else would turn up at your door at this time right? Crack. You felt your heart shatter and swore you could hear the broken pieces hit the hard floor of your hallway. There, stood your ex boyfriend, Riley. You could of sworn you were frozen to that very spot, but your brain took control and carried you off towards the bedroom, rapidly grabbing for your phone and gripping it tightly to your chest. You creeped back towards the door cautiously, not wanting to make too much noise. “Riley you need to leave. Now please.” You spoke politely, which was beyond what he deserved. “Y/N! Open the door please. I need you. I’m a mess without you. Seeing you today reminded me off that!” He pleaded. “You’ve survived 2 years, keep going. I have a boyfriend Riley. Please leave.” You responded, heart non stop pounding against your chest, taking your breath away with every thump. “Y/N! YOU STUPID BITCH! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!” He growled through the door, repeatedly kicking at it now. “JUST LEAVE RILEY!!!!” You retreated into your bedroom, then into the bathroom and locked both doors. You violently sobbed into the blanket that had been wrapped around your body as you reached for your phone.

To Babe💘: Gray, please.

Read at 2:45am

3 missed calls from Babe💘

To Babe💘: Hello?

Read at 2:52am

You sobbed even more, realising that he was ignoring you at a time when you needed him the most. You don’t remember when, but you must have eventually passed out on the cold bathroom tiles. You didn’t have the energy to get up, so you sat up against the side of your bath. You reached for your phone, only to see not one single sign of contact from Grayson. You felt the all too familiar feeling rising in your chest and taking control of your breathing. Another panic attack. You hadn’t had one in months due to the calmness Grayson provided, he was your light within the darkness, but he wasn’t here to save you this time. You texted him once more before you fully broke down.

To Babe💘: Grayson please, I need you. Now.

You knew this would work. His full name over text was only ever used in an emergency. You shut your phone off to try and focus on your breathing rather than how shitty your boyfriend was being right now. You had completely forgotten about the text and 30 minutes later you heard the front door swing open. “Y/N!? Where are you?!” Seconds later he enters the bathroom and finds your small form, tear stained cheeks and violently shaking from your cold night alone. “No no no, baby I’m so so sorry. Y/N look at me yeah? Focus on my voice. Deep breaths for me.”

He tried to scoop you into his arms but you cowered away. In that moment he swore he could feel his heart shatter. He had become the man he’d promised you he’d never be. Grayson knew you had and still struggle with your mental health, although he didn’t know much about the causes of it all. He let his anger get the best of him once again and he hurt you in the process. “Angel, I cant express how sorry I am. I didn’t mean to snap at you and I certainly didn’t mean what I called you.”

There it was again. His words began to replay in your head for the 100th time. “With pleasure, Bitch.” “STOP! Please make it stop Gray. I don’t wanna be back there anymore, I can’t be back there.” You begged him, clinging to his shirt now. He cautiously began to rub his hands along your back, palms sore from the strength he used to grip the steering wheel on the way over to your apartment. “Back where love? Talk to me please, I want to help you.” The feeling of Grays hand on your body, knowing he was close to you, knowing you were safe now, your breathing slowly began to regulate. You finally lifted your head and looked up to meet his eyes. Teary and bloodshot, a mirror image of yourself. You could see, scrap that, you could feel that he was sharing your pain. He didn’t know why you was feeling it, but he could feel it all nonetheless. You took in a shakey breath as you began.

“Riley seriously, they’re a pair of shoes? I bought them as a treat for myself for getting promoted.” You tried to explain to him, annoyance growing every passing minute. You were always smart with your money, never splurging out on fancy items. You’d never really felt like you’d needed them. However, earlier this month you’d been called into your bosses office and offered a better paying position at your work, which you gladly accepted. You’d decided that you would finally buy the shoes you’d been eyeing up for months now but had never talked yourself into buying. They were $300 but you decided you deserved them, your boyfriend clearly didn’t feel the same way. “I don’t care Y/N, you cant just start spending our money so carelessly, especially not this close to when rent is due and for something so minor as a promotion.” He countered, words laced with resentment. You couldn’t help but let out a snort. “Our money? It wasn’t ‘our money’ when you went out and bought that watch.” You pointed to the, in all honesty, hideous watch that was strapped around his wrist with pride. “I spent my hard earned money on those shoes because I deserved them, I worked for them.” You spoke, calmly and with confidence. “I seriously don’t understand your problem, please explain? Like I know it may be hard for your fragile masculinity to accept that not only a woman but your own girlfriend earns more than you, but that doesn’t give your misogyny a free pass to belittle my achievements”. You knew the second you said that, you would come to regret it. “You want me to explain? With pleasure, Bitch.”

The tears were once again streaming down your face once you finally stopped to breath again. “It was abusive and toxic, I knew I had to leave him, I had to get out of there so I did. I never looked back after I left but I guess life has a way of not letting you forget your past, no matter how hard you try to.” You sighed, so tired from the nights previous events. You’d explained to Grayson about what had happened with Riley turning up at your door, you’re grateful he’d left before Gray got there otherwise you may of been spending your night bailing his ass out of prison right now instead of in his arms. You’d explained about your past with him and why things had ended. You knew Gray had many more questions but it was clear you were not ready to answer them right now and you were extremely thankful he left the topic alone. You quite frankly didn’t want to entertain your memories of Riley anymore and Grayson knew that. He planted a kiss on your forehead before scooping you up, “wanna watch a film and cuddle? You can choose the movie.” He wiggles his eyebrows and gave you his signature smirk. “Yes please, only if you bring me the ice cream though!” You giggled, letting the last 3 hours fade to the back of your mind.

You were out like a light after 30 minutes, head in Grayson’s lap as he carelessly traced shapes along your arms, watching your chest rise and fall and lips slightly parted. “I will never let this happen to you again, you have my word. I love you more than I love myself angel.” He spoke gently, watching in awe as your lips curled to form a faint smile. “Mine” he thought to himself, “All mine.”

#dolan twins #dolan twins fanfic #ethan dolan #grayson dolan #grayson dolan angst #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan fluff #dolan twins imagine #grayson dolan imagine #ethan dolan imagine #grayson dolan smut #ethan dolan smut #dolan twins smut #grayson dolan x reader #grayson dolan x y/n #dolan twins x reader #ethan dolan x reader #grayson dolan x you #ethan dolan x y/n #ethan dolan x you

[allthecanadianpolitics]

The Star asked the leaders of Canada’s major political parties to talk about the issues that move them deeply. In the first of the series, federal NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh identified the challenges faced by today’s youth as the cause he wanted to talk about. Singh spoke with the Star about why he chose the topic and what he’s going to do to address the issue:

Why are young people and the challenges they face so important to you?

All the major crises we’re faced with, they’re the ones feeling it the most. Young people are the ones who are priced out of the (housing) market, can’t imagine ever buying a place. It was not unattainable for their parents and grandparents.

So, they really embody all of the poor decisions that have been made by governments in Ottawa. Young people have that look of hopelessness. They have this fear, this uncertainty, and I want to replace that look in their eyes with one of hope and positivity and optimism. I really believe young people have gotten a raw deal. And that’s why they need a new deal. I want to now revert to making decisions that actually put young people — and by doing so, people in general —at the heart of the decision-making.

How is being a youth today different from what it was like when you were growing up?

The challenges are just a lot worse. I kind of remember what that’s like a bit. Because my father was ill and couldn’t work, and because of his addiction, it meant that he lost his ability to continue practising and we fell into debt. So we ended up losing our home and not being able to keep it, which meant that I felt that anxiety about having a home. But that’s otherwise something I didn’t think about. Like, I wasn’t in high school worrying about housing. That’s why what I went through is really different from what young people are going through now.

I wanted to find a way out of my financial difficulties by going to school. And, for me, school was kind of affordable. Undergrad was in the $2,000 range, and going to law school was $8,000 a year. Even in my difficult situation, it was something that I could see my way around. I got some loans and I was able to pay my tuition.

But for young people now, they’re faced with economic uncertainty and they want to take university or other courses to upgrade their skills, or, if they want to go to professional school, it’s really limited for those who don’t have the means. It’s so expensive that it could be scary and maybe even just a barrier that’s not surmountable.

Full article below read more (due to paywall):

Why do you think you’re the right candidate to tackle these issues?

(Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer) don’t have the courage to take on these issues. They’re kind of like the old boys club. It’s in their best interest to maintain the status quo. They’re not really going to bring in the change that people need. They’re just maybe going to tamper around the edges, tinker here and there. They’re not going to bring in a new deal. I’m proposing a bold new deal, a new way of looking at the way we should be prioritizing people over the wealthiest and the people at the very top. And I know it’s achievable. I really care about making life better for people, and I’m not afraid to bring in the changes.

Why focus on young people when many of them can’t vote, and the ones who can often don’t bother?

When I got elected in 2011, I got elected because I had all these young volunteers and many of them couldn’t vote. I was 32 and I was the oldest person in my campaign by far. We had all these young, passionate people that work hard, and they care, and they got me elected.

I really think young people shouldn’t be counted out because they have parents and they have grandparents. For some people, that could be as many as six people they can influence and say, “hey, this is my future, if this matters to you, please care about this issue or vote this way.” So, I see immense power in young people. Though they can’t vote right now, I still think they can really influence the outcome of the next election.

How will you convince the next generation, and all Canadians who care about climate change, that it’s a threat to their future that you take seriously?

Since being elected, I’ve taken really fierce positions on the environment. We are the only official federal party that has opposed things like the Trans Mountain pipeline. We’ve taken strong positions on environmental issues historically as a party and I’ve taken on that and taken us to the next level with really bold announcements and really concrete commitments. I want to end fossil fuel subsidies, something that I know a lot of people are really frustrated by. I think my track record of positions that I’ve taken, the boldness of our vision and our plan, really speaks to the fact that we take this seriously and I’m committed to doing something about it.

Students who graduate from school can no longer rely on that degree to land them stable work. In today’s gig economy, many end up doing internships, contract work, part-time work or freelancing for years without any prospects of stability ahead. What will you do to help young people in these precarious situations?

People used to be able to get a job to get benefits. Now in the gig economy, people don’t have those benefits. That’s why it’s more important than ever that our health-care system step up and provide that head-to-toe coverage that includes dental care, medication for all, eye and hearing care and addiction and mental health services, so that all the needs that someone has for their health are not something they have to depend on the job for.

Right now, employment insurance is basically not something that self-employed or precariously employed or a freelance person can have access to. I want to change the way we look at employment insurance and modify it so that it does cover people who are working in these precarious positions. The new vision I see is cumulative hours — I propose 360 — and looking at someone’s best 12 weeks as the way we set someone’s employment insurance. I want to extend our parental leave to allow self-employed people to take advantage of it.

I also want to continue to fight for good pay and good jobs. For federal regulated jobs, I’m pushing for a $15-minimum wage and also changing the labour code so we offer better protection, set a better standard for what a job should give to workers and hopefully inspire other provincial and territorial governments to follow.

Owning a home or even being able to comfortably afford a place to rent feels like a pipe dream to many youth today. How will you make housing more accessible and affordable for this generation?

Really boldly invest in building new homes. What I’m imagining is 500,000 or half a million new homes over the next 10 years. The focus is going to be rental, cooperative, non-market housing so that people can have a place where there’s a confidence in knowing they can live there and that it’s affordable.

We want to waive the GST on bills where private developers build affordable housing to encourage the building of rental or affordable housing. To reduce the cost of housing, we want to end money laundering, which is driving up speculation. We want to impose a federal foreign buyer’s tax, which would get at the foreign investment that’s actually driving up the cost of housing.

For first-time homebuyers, we want to double the tax credit that’s available now and we also want to expand the mortgage to a 30-year mortgage which would lower the monthly payments so that someone can actually afford to buy a house.

This interview has been edited and condensed.

#jagmeet singh #NDP #cdnpoli #canada #canadian politics #canadian news #canadian

[torturedwarrior]

How to help someone with OCD:

What is OCD (Obsessive- Compulsive Disorder)? Can people with OCD also have panic attacks? Are people with OCD who have unwanted thoughts about hurting someone at risk of acting on their fears? Is compulsive self-damaging behavior a form of OCD?  OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is a common mental wellbeing disorder capable of influencing people’s thoughts perceptions and behaviors. Not only does the condition impact the person dealing with the disorder. This may also influence his or her friends, family, one’s co-workers, and classmates.

Panic attacks may be found in OCD, but an underlying diagnosis of panic disorder should not be recognized unless the attacks occur out of nowhere. Many OCD patients report the experience of panic attacks after reaction to terrifying stimuli, such as a blood sign of someone with an AIDS addiction. In comparison to the panic disorder, the person in this case is not fearful of the panic attack; he or she is afraid of the consequences of the infection. There appears to be a discussion on the connection between "compulsive" self-damaging habits and OCD compulsions. As present, self-mutilation habits (e.g. extreme nail biting) should not be called compulsions until the diagnosis of OCD is made. Similarly, actions that actually cause physical harm to others are outside the boundaries of OCD.

If they really have OCD, the conclusion is no. Patients with OCD may have unreasonable concerns of acting on aggressive and inappropriate impulses, but they may not act on them. This act of violence is the most abhorrent thing they might picture. When treating an individual with aggressive or terrible feelings, the clinician will determine, based on clinical experience and medical background, whether these experiences are obsessions or part of the fantasy life of a potentially violent person. If this is the above, the patient needs support to regain self-control, not reassurance.

If dealing with any mental health conditions, reading about the disorder is the best place to start. Just because you’ve seen OCD depicted in shows or movies, it doesn’t imply you completely grasp the condition or effect that OCD has on the person with it. “People who live with OCD drag a metal sea anchor around, obsession is a break, a source of drug, not a badge of creativity, a mark of genius or an inconvenient side effect of some greater function.” -David Adam. “It’s like you have two brains- a rational brain and an irrational brain. And they’re constantly fighting.” -Emilie Ford. Like certain conditions, OCD can appear somewhat different from person to person, and keeping the mind open may help to improve the understanding of the disorder. For more knowledge, spend a lot of time listening to your loved one. Try to understand what they might be going through and how OCD makes them feel and act. Obsessions are persistent and uncontrollable feelings or perceptions that give rise to some degree of stress and anxiety, because the feelings are so unpleasant, the person is trying to stop or overcome them with thought or action. At this level, do not try to change their actions or question their way of thinking. Give affection, attention, and compassion to hear about their unique experience and to increasing whatever deception they use to cover up their symptoms.

Compulsions are act’s that people feel compelled to do to regulate obsessions or to avoid obsessions from becoming a reality. The connection between addiction and urge makes sense to the adult, but it may appear unconnected or irrational to an outside.  “It’s like listening to a CD with an invisible scratch.” -Penny Hare. It’s not your job to treat your loved one, you just need to focus on being caring, loving support that they can use in their treatment and recovery. If you try to do too much your loved one could push back. One example is; A person could have obsessions about a loved one getting cancer, so they will create the compulsion of turning on and off a light switch three times to manage the fear. To your loved one, the association is real, but you realize there is no way a light switch could prevent cancer.

Compulsions involve a wide range of repetitive behaviors or mental act like, Checking and double checking, tapping and touching, washing, counting and/or repeating words or phrases to self. Most individuals may have minor obsessions or compulsions, but they can work all day. A major indication of diagnosable OCD is the tendency of an individual to spend large amounts of time on a person’s day. Because of the time needed to complete compulsions, the person may; Fail to complete tasks at home, school, or work, be late to appointments frequently, avoid scheduling events or committing to plans, seem distracted and stressed, and never leave their room or home.

No matter how the OCD of an individual shows, we should always treat them with respect and kindness because we will never know what it is like to deal with this mental illness. This means that we need to be mindful of the terms we use for individuals who have OCD. What we’re doing can either be very hurtful to them. Or it can life them up and encourage them to stay on the road to recovery. Here are eight saying we should not ever say to someone with OCD; One, “I’m so OCD”. Two, “You should just relax”, Three, “But you’re so messy”, Four, “That doesn’t make sense”, Five, “It’s all in your head”, Six, “You don’t look like you have OCD”, Seven, “Can’t you just stop”, and lastly eight, “I do that too, and I don’t have OCD. “It can look like still waters on the outside while a hurricane is swirling in your mind.” -Marcie Barber Phares. “It’s like a broken machine. Thoughts go in your head, get stuck and keeps going around and around.” -Megan Flynn. Most people with OCD fall into one of the following categories: Washers: are afraid of contamination. They usually have cleaning or hand-washing compulsions, Checkers: repeatedly check things (oven turned off, door locked, etc.) that they associate with harm or danger, Doubters and sinners: are afraid that if everything isn’t perfect or done just right something terrible will happen, or they will be punished, Counters and arrangers: are obsessed with order and symmetry. They may have superstitions about certain numbers, colors, or arrangements, Hoarders: fear that something bad will happen if they throw anything away. They compulsively hoard things that they don’t need or use. They may also suffer from other disorders, such as depression, PTSD, compulsive buying, kleptomania, ADHD, skin picking, or tic disorders.

Some thoughts and behaviors people think or do who have OCD. Common obsessive thoughts in OCD include: Fear of being contaminated by germs or dirt or contaminating others, Fear of losing control and harming yourself or others, Intrusive sexually explicit or violent thoughts and images, Excessive focus on religious or moral ideas, Fear of losing or not having things you might need, Order and symmetry: the idea that everything must line up “just right”, Superstitions; excessive attention to something considered lucky or unlucky. Common compulsive behaviors in OCD include: Excessive double-checking of things, such as locks, appliances, and switches, Repeatedly checking in on loved ones to make sure they’re safe, Counting, tapping, repeating certain words, or doing other senseless things to reduce anxiety, Spending a lot of time washing or cleaning, Ordering or arranging things “just so”, Praying excessively or engaging in rituals triggered by religious fear, Accumulating “junk” such as old newspapers or empty food containers. The way you react to your loved one's symptoms of OCD can have a major impact on their outlook and recovery. Negative comments or criticism can make OCD worse, while a calm, supportive environment can help to improve treatment results.

Avoid making personal criticisms. Remember, your loved one’s OCD behaviors are symptoms, not character flaws, don’t scold someone with OCD or tell them to stop performing rituals. They can’t comply, and the pressure to stop will only make the behaviors worse, Be as kind and patient as possible. Each sufferer needs to overcome problems at their own pace. Praise any successful attempt to resist OCD, and focus attention on positive elements in the person’s life, Do not play along with your loved one’s rituals. Going along with your loved one’s OCD “rules,” or helping with their compulsions or rituals will only reinforce the behavior. Support the person, not their compulsions, Keep communication positive and clear. Communication is important so you can find a balance between supporting your loved one and standing up to the OCD symptoms and not further distressing your loved one, Find the humor. Laughing together over the funny side and absurdity of some OCD symptoms can help your loved one become more detached from the disorder. Just make sure your loved one feels respected and in on the joke, don’t let OCD take over family life. Sit down as a family and decide how you will work together to tackle your loved one’s symptoms. Try to keep family life as normal as possible and the home a low-stress environment.

                                             Work Cited:

  Christiansen, Thomas. "How to Help Someone with OCD | The Recovery Village." Alcohol & Drug Rehab Programs & Facilities - The Recovery Village | The Recovery Village. The Recovery Village, 21 Sep 2019. Web. 7 Mar 2020. <http://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/ocd/related/how-to-help-someone-with-ocd/#gref>.

"Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) - HelpGuide.org." HelpGuide.org. Web. 7 Mar 2020. <http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/obssessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd.htm>.

"OCD Quotes, Sayings about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (30+ quotes) - CoolNSmart." Sayings and Quotes - CoolNSmart. Web. 7 Mar 2020. <http://www.coolnsmart.com/ocd_quotes/>.

Saccone, Lauren. "Never say these things to someone who has OCD | HelloGiggles." HelloGiggles: a Positive Community for Women. 27 Mar 2017. Web. 7 Mar 2020. <http://hellogiggles.com/lifestyle/health-fitness/things-never-say-ocd/>.

#writingblogs #writing #mental health #ocd #helpful #how to help

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Your post on Bernie has me a little confused. Do you consider yourself a strict democrat, leftist, socialist or anything else? To me at least, it seems odd that you dislike Bernie for not being an “actual democrate” when Clinton is pretty right wing.

So I dislike boxes. They’re restrictive. I vote for who I like in terms of policy and who I think will perform best once in office. I’m a democrat, sure. I have leftist ideals but a realistic/pragmatic approach to things. I understand that we all wish to burn things down but that’s not how things work sadly. So let’s be realistic about getting shit done. Guillotine memes don’t feed the starving and they don’t end white supremacy. I’m a uh, let’s call it a north american socialist (no one running is an actual, by the books, definition of socialist, but that’s neither here nor there). 

Since people on this site apparently need to dissect my political beliefs, here you go: 

I believe we should have free healthcare; I believe that university education should be heavily subsidized (free would be great, but let’s start with at least making it subsidized and work from there); I think we should have universal basic income; I believe we should spend more on public infrastructure because our roads and bridges are falling apart; I believe we should have accessible, reliable public transit and an improved public transit network that works at municipal, state and national levels; I believe election days should be national holidays so everyone can vote; I believe gerrymandering is a curse upon our democratic system; I believe that we should spend more on public education at a K-12 level; I believe in subsidized and/or free after school care especially for the economically struggling; I believe we should have stronger anti-hate crime laws; I believe dental and mental health care should be covered anytime we talk about health care coverage; I believe in reparations; I believe we should start our own Truth and Reconciliation process for both slavery and the genocide against the Native Americans; I believe that we should try and address class and wealth disparity but that won’t solve racism, sexism, homophobia etc.; I believe we need electoral reform; I believe we need to do more for climate change but that the Green New Deal is empty in terms of actual things to implement in terms of policy - anyway those who wrote it admitted it was more of an economic plan than a climate one; I believe we need to tax the wealthy including all those pesky millionaires with three houses and wives who were investigated for tax fraud as well as the billionaires — 

I can go on. 

Of those running I currently like Castro, Harris, Warren. I really wish Stacy Abrams was running but she’s not. I think she’d be the best. I’m not a fan of Biden, Sanders, Gabbard (I mean, can we really call her a democrat?), Steyer, Yang. I’m neutral on Mayor Pete, Klobuchar, and Booker. I don’t know if that clarifies anything for you. Also, this is liable to change as we move forward through the primaries. 

And Clinton isn’t right wing. Calling her that continues the lie that she and the GOP are two sides/same coin which isn’t true. It’s a harmful position to perpetuate. There’s been a ton of stuff written on that so I’m not going to put it all in here. But I recommend starting with an analysis of her voting record - it’s on point with Sanders, if that’s your bar, on almost everything with some differences, the notable ones being Iraq (she was for, he was against) and gun control (she is for, he is generally against - his record is really dodgy on that).

I believe all politicians are up for grabs when it comes to legitimate critiques. But there’s a difference in saying “I disagree with her arguments for why she voted for Iraq” and calling her right wing. One is a legitimate critique, the other is hyperbolic and untrue. I also believe in understanding the context of the time in which many policy decisions were made. She, and Sanders, have been in politics for over 20 years. There are going to be decisions made in 1992 that we can look back on and go: Oh boy that was Yikes. But at the time, that wouldn’t have been so clear cut. No one has all the answers. No one is perfect. Purity politics isn’t the solution to our social ills. 

Anyway, some things HRC has supported, or accomplished, includes but is not limited to: 

The ACA - which was huge at the time. I cannot emphasize this enough. It was Ground Breaking. I think younger folk either don’t remember, or aren’t aware, of what a game changer this was. Indeed, it’s because of the ACA that the many Americans are even open to the conversation around medicare for all/any sort of more socialist health coverage. 

On a personal note, as a child of a single, poor working mom in the 90s this is the reason I had any sort of healthcare. Without it, we’d have been fucked. 

This is also one of the things that sent the GOP into a fucking TIZZY about HRC and why they started their 30 year long smear campaign against her which has influenced a lot of the more recent leftist rhetoric on her. 

Indeed, she was an early leader in expanding healthcare coverage in the early 90s and continued to be throughout her career. 

Leadership with SCHIP which which expanded health coverage to millions of lower-income children. 

I know we all wish we could have Instant Health Care For All but small steps is how you get these things. It’s incredibly complicated and difficult to set up health care systems and programs. They’re large, they become unwieldly, they’re expensive to fund, and they’re difficult to pass through congress. It’s useful to be able to point to precedents. 

She founded the Arkansas Advocates for Children and Families

Supported and championed the Violence Against Women Act

Adoption and Safe Families Act (she was a supporter of it and helped champion it through) 

One of the leaders of the development of the Lilly Ledbetter Pay Equity Act 

Supported the Pediatric Research Equity Act - improving health and pharmaceutical access for children 

START treaty - an attempt to begin regulating the amount of nukes Russia and the US have which, even if one wishes we could snap fingers and get rid of them all, one must admit isn’t a bad thing. 

Negotiated ceasefire between Hamas and Israel in 2012 - again, regardless of views on Israel, Hamas and Palestine - having people stop fighting for a time isn’t a bad thing. The hope was it would lead to more productive, long term peace talks etc. but that sadly didn’t pan out. 

Copenhagen Climate Change Accord - one of the chief negotiators 

Etc. etc. she has 25 years of things to list but none of these things are right wing. One can disagree with her foreign policy approach, or think she didn’t push hard enough on health care, or that she came late to the table on LGBTQ issues, but that doesn’t make her right wing. I have right winger-s in the family and they’d all love to see Clinton dead. I know what the right wing looks like and it’s not her. 

Things she supports that make actual, real right wing people (like my great grandfather and my uncle’s sister) hate her: 

She supports and advocates for two weeks of paid family and medical leave at a minimum of 2/3s wage replacement rate 

She supports expanding social security 

You know, she believes in climate change and has worked to reduce carbon emissions, pushed for climate change accords, encouraged renewable energy, and ending tax subsidies for oil companies

clearly things a right wing person would do /sorry sarcasm I just can’t take it too seriously when people call her right wing

She supports immigration reform with full path to citizenship 

She supports the naturalization of around 9 million lawful permanent residents in the United States who are eligible to become U.S. citizens

She’s pro-choice and believes abortion is basic health care

Sorry how do people think she’s right wing again? 

She supports making it illegal for pharmacists to refuse to provide access to emergency contraception

When she was Sec. of State she wanted the US to join the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities

She supports the Disability Integration Act, which requires states and insurance companies to provide people with disabilities who need long term care the choice to receive care at home instead of solely in institutions and nursing facilities

She’s obviously pro-gun control and was the first candidate in 2016 to produce an extensive position paper on guns and gun violence

She supports voting rights and advocates for changes in national voter access laws, including automatically registering American citizens to vote at age 18 and mandating 20 days of early voting in all states

She has criticized laws passed by Republican-controlled state legislatures that do not permit student IDs at polling places, place limits on early voting, and eliminate same-day voter registration

She had one of the most thorough mental health care plans that I have ever seen in a presidential nominee. 

It goes on. I again - I don’t get how people can look at this and think her right wing. I sure don’t agree with everything she’s done and every position she’s taken, but she’s not right wing. Good lord my people. 

There’s a lot many people have to thank her for and they’re unaware of it. Tumblr and twitter aren’t ideal places to form and consume political points. 

As a note, I work in the civil service in Canada (am a dual citizen), I’m very familiar with how large socialized programs work and how difficult it is to implement them. There are never any quick and clean solutions. 

And on that note - I’m done for the time being. I hope this answers your question. 

Required civic duty reminder: Everyone vote in the primaries and vote in 2020. Also - no politician is perfect, no politician is going to align 100% with your views and nor should they because you know, we live in a democracy. Do your homework, get off of tumblr and twitter, and make sure you vote! 

#politics #us politics #ask #anon #reply

[gemini--witch]

Children are not toys. Children are not pets. Children are not potential “mini-me’s.” Children are not solutions to mental/emotional/relationship problems.

This is something that’s been bugging me lately because of some stuff I’ve seen/witnessed/read, and I need to get some shit off my chest about it.

THIS IS AN (admittedly coming from a place of frustration and concern for the well-being of future human beings) OPEN LETTER FROM ME, A MOTHER, TO ANYONE THINKING OF BECOMING A PARENT.

I understand that you want to have a baby. Really, I do. They’re so cute and warm and cuddly and your 20-something hormones are screaming for one in the same way they scream for the puppies at the pet store or the kittens the person is giving away for free in a cardboard box outside Safeway (does that still happen? I feel like it does in my hometown). 

But here’s the thing.

Children are human beings. Little, tiny human beings with not only zero self control, but zero capability to regulate their emotions and zero capability to care for themselves.

And for some of us, the innate helplessness of babies touches us deeply. We want to give all our hearts and souls and bodies to that little pooping, screaming, giggling thing.

But here’s the thing.

If your mental and emotional health is already hanging tenuously by a thread....HAVING A BABY WILL MAKE THAT WORSE. If your physical health is already hanging tenuously by a thread....HAVING A BABY WILL MAKE THAT WORSE.

Why? Because after the happy pregnancy high, you then have to deal with (if you’ve got a vagina) the utter devastation that labor will make of your body, and the MONTHS of recovery afterwards (yes --- months. Not days, not weeks... months). There’s also the complete destruction of your sleep cycles, which creates a couple-years-long struggle for sanity in and of itself. Oh, and let’s not forget the realization, once the first blush and bloom of joy fades, that you now have /zero power over your life and your time/. 

Yes, that’s right. That baby owns you, not the other way around, and everything - your career, your friendships, your partnership, your hobbies - will all fall to the wayside, and some of them will never recover. Why? Because you are not prepared for the complete shift in consciousness you will undergo. “Oh, I’ll just make sure I schedule time to devote to my friendships and my career and my hobbies.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah I thought that, too. But, seriously. You are not prepared for the, again, hormone-driven /need/ to be there for your child 100% of the time, even when your emotional and physical well is at 0%. 

Oh, and by the way, this is all assuming the labor and the baby are fairly easy and not, say, traumatic and riddled with health issues and colicky and/or everything else that could go wrong, like trying to do it as a single parent instead of a two-parent unit.

And the sudden, drastic reduction in alone time, in true physical health and rest, and in social interaction, as well as the (I promise) unexpected emotional and physical transformations that are often not widely talked about because our Western society does not provide adequate emotional support for new parents beyond the first couple of weeks...

You guessed it. Postpartum depression. If you’re like me, a neurotypical person with no particular physical health issues, postpartum is awful and heart-wrenching and throws you into a deep dark pit of despair that is really, really difficult to climb out of. 

So maybe you can guess what it might be like if you...say.... are neurodivergent and struggle with clinical depression. Or an anxiety disorder. Or BPD. Or OCD. Or any other mental or emotional illness. And/or a physical disability.

Oooo! Or if you’re... Let’s see... Not emotionally mature yet at all. You haven’t reparented yourself and recovered from trauma and healed your childhood attachment wounds.

HAVING A BABY. WILL NOT. MAGICALLY TURN YOU INTO THE CAPABLE, MATURE, RESPONSIBLE, SELFLESS, GROUNDED PARENT OF YOUR DREAMS. 

In fact, it will EXPOSE and AMPLIFY those wounds. It will EXPOSE and AMPLIFY those neurodivergences (is that a word?) and physical disabilities/illnesses. It will EXPOSE and AMPLIFY aaaaaalllll of your character flaws. And if you’re in a struggling relationship, it will EXPOSE and AMPLIFY all of the problems in it. 

HAVING A BABY IS NOT THE ANSWER.

Oh, and another thing.

If you already rely on others to meet your financial and housing needs...HAVING A BABY WILL MAKE THAT WORSE.

Because guess what?

Many workplaces won’t hire you if you’re pregnant, or will fire you if you are obviously pregnant. Many workplaces won’t hire you if you have children. (ESPECIALLY if you’re a woman/woman-presenting. Sorry, people with penises, but society tends to view fathers as incredible and mothers as irresponsible if they work) Oh, of course, they won’t say that’s why. They’ll find another reason. “You’re not the right fit.” “We need someone to work hours you’re not available for.” “We’ve decided other candidates have qualifications better matched.” You know, even if it was a job you were qualified before you had a child.

If you don’t have job security, and have to rely on others to meet your financial and housing needs, HAVING A BABY WILL NOT SOLVE THAT.

Maybe you’re secretly, in the darkest part of your heart, hoping that having a baby will prove to the world/your parents/your frenemies/your partner once and for all that you’re a Mature Adult(tm). 

(alarm sounds) IT WILL NOT. It will actually highlight your utter lack of maturity and intelligence and common sense.

LET ME REPEAT THIS.

CHILDREN ARE NOT TOYS.

CHILDREN ARE NOT PETS.

CHILDREN ARE NOT SOLUTIONS.

CHILDREN ARE HUMAN BEINGS.

They are human beings that, if you stop to think about it, are having to grow up in a dystopian world.

If you have a child right now, there is a very good chance that, if climate change and government leadership continues on its current course, your child will not get to live past 30 (if they’re lucky). 

This realization is a source of deep and intense guilt for me as a mother, and I know one day my daughter will look at me with rage and fear and pain and wonder how I could have allowed this to happen. How my generation and my parent’s generation could have allowed this to happen. And I won’t have much of an answer for her beyond “I did what I could.”

If you already struggle with your mental health to a near-debilitating degree, this deep and intense guilt will make it infinitely worse.

LET ME REPEAT.

CHILDREN ARE NOT TOYS/PETS/SOLUTIONS/MINI-ME’S.

Children are human beings that require:

-the majority of your time and attention and energy and finances

-the majority of your heart and soul and body

and that is not an exaggeration.

Truly, none of us are ever truly prepared. But if preparedness is a scale, not a specific point, there is such thing as someone who is woefully underprepared on all levels,

and there is no more awful reason to have a baby than “because I want to.”

Get your narcissistic head out of your ass and work on yourself before you even consider having a child,

or you are doing a grave disservice to the generation you want to help create.

.....

And I realize I’m not the prime example of someone who waited until they were a totally put-together person to have a child.

When I conceived, I was homeless, in a relationship with someone I’d only known for 6 months, and dealing with some trauma of my own.

But then again, perhaps I’m exactly who should be telling you this.

I crawled myself up from the muck of an awful circumstance. I’m still not financially stable, necessarily, but I do a damn good job considering the circumstances, and I’m proud of that. Her father and I are no longer together romantically, but we are damn good co-parents who put our daughter’s wellbeing above everything else. We both have safe and healthy and caring home environments and our daughter is surrounded by love and positive discipline all the time. 

We’re not perfect. And it took a lot of trial and error to get to where we are now. And we’re extremely lucky, societally speaking, on the front of being neurotypical, abled, white people. 

But if it’s been hard for us...

just stop for a moment and imagine how hard it may be for you.

Imagine that perhaps that unconditional love and acceptance you crave and are seeking in having a baby could be found elsewhere (like, from within, maybe? self love, bitch).

Then decide if having a child just because you “want to” is really such a good idea.

Because honestly?

If I had to do it all over again,

I would have waited 10 more years (at least) and a hell of a lot more personal growth work before having my daughter. Instead, I’ve had to do all that personal growth work while parenting her, and I know that because of that, I’ve made some mistakes with her -- and it’s still to be seen how that will affect her in the future. All I can do now is better than I did before (which is process in and of itself, as I discover new, better ways to handle things), and hope that all the love I shower on her is enough to outweigh the mistakes.

And one day, I hope she forgives me, not only for my personal mistakes, but for the mistakes of my generation, and the generations before me.

#parenting #parenthood #mothering #motherhood #single mother #open letter #personal

[beinglibertarian]

Top 20 Being Libertarian Articles of 2018

It’s been an amazing year overall for us here at Being Libertarian LLC, and we wanted to wrap the year up with a list of our top articles from 2018. We definitely want to thank each and every author for their contributions throughout the year. Here they are for your reading pleasure, and definitely keep your eyes out for all of the great content we have planned for you in the year ahead. Enjoy!

1. ‘Rampant Voter Fraud’, Florida Gov. Scott Files Lawsuits After Uncovering 100,000 New Ballots

Author: Alex Croft

“Broward County stated on election night that there were 634,000 votes cast that day. As of 1 pm Thursday, that number was corrected to 695,700 and again later that day at 2:30 pm to 707,223. Thursday evening saw that number jump further to 712,840, as Palm Beach County claimed to find over 15,000 previously untallied votes.”

2. Want A Gun For ‘Self-Defense’? That Will Soon Be Illegal In South Africa

Author: Martin van Staden

“If this bill is passed into law in its current form, it will likely make it impossible for those who acquired their licences for the purpose of self-defense unable to renew those licences, which is required on a periodic basis. Aspirant firearm owners would be barred completely from using guns as a tool to defend themselves going forward.”

3. JuSt cAlL ThE PoLicE

Author: Mike Ursery

“Bloom ruled that the school district and the sheriff’s office had no constitutional duty to protect students not in custody. She wrote in her ruling that Cruz was a third party and not a state actor and that for the duty of protecting plaintiffs to exist, they would have to be in custody, such as prisoners or patients at a mental hospital.”

4. The Truth About Gun Violence

Author: Vinny Marshall

“Historically, what we can learn from past attempts to remove or regulate ownership rights of firearms from citizens is that it doesn’t do a whole lot to actually affect the rates of violence that exist, only the rates of violence with the weapon that you had set out to ban.”

5. Misconceptions of the Libertarian View of Abortion

Author: Nathan Kreider

“Block and Whitehead argue that a woman has the right to evict the fetus, but not to terminate it if it’s possible for the fetus to exist outside the womb with the help of medical technology. They point out that as technology advances, the point at which a fetus can exist outside the womb will inch closer to earlier stages of development, and thus the earlier the limit on abortions will be placed.”

6. The Dangers of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Author: Jenny Grimberg

“We examine three of her policy proposals to show that not only are they incorrect, but also to remind everyone that capitalism has helped millions of people, and we should not be taken in by the socialist tendencies of politicians like Ocasio-Cortez.”

7. The March for Our Tyranny – The Lowdown on Liberty

Author: Thomas J. Eckert

“And therein lies the problem: the anti-gun crowd wants solutions to their perceived problems, but how can we begin a discussion with a group so disingenuous about their intentions? It’s like trying to speak to a pickpocket as they reach for your wallet. As you ask them what they’re up to, they may reassure you they mean no harm and accuse you of being paranoid, but the truth is that in the end they want your wallet, regardless of what they say.”

8. Why People Are Left Wing – Freedom Philosophy

Author: Brandon Kirby

“I believe something similar has happened to the left. They very passionately want to abolish poverty, perhaps in some cases even more so than the right. Just as the greediest investor is not the most successful investor, the most passionate people aren’t the ones with the best ideas on how to accomplish this goal.”

9. The Rise of Jordan Peterson – What It Says About Us

Author: Adam Barsouk

“I believe Peterson’s claim to ideological fame is his seeming lack of interest in it. Most political pundits start and end their careers in politics. And yet, politics inherently do not produce any economic value—the entire essence of the job is to steal another’s earning while convincing that person it is for their own good.”

10. No, Vaccines Should Never Be Mandatory

Author: JSB Morse

“As with any medication or pharmaceutical, there are health risks that come with the benefits of vaccines. It is irresponsible to suggest that all people should get all such pharmaceuticals and it is illegitimate use of governmental authority to require it in order to receive benefits or other privileges.”

11. Jordan B. Peterson’s Twelve Rules is a Wakeup Call for a Nightmare Society

Author: JSB Morse

“We have collectively been lulled into an unnatural and inhumane philosophy of life through various diabolical agents. Twelve Rules is an urgently needed wake-up call for us to stand up and take responsibility for one’s life—not 50% or “just enough to get by,” but everything you can muster—100%.”

12. GM Cuts Over 10,000 Jobs, & No, It’s Not All Due To Tariffs

Author: Vinny Marshall

“While those who take issue with tariffs will be quick to point out the economic policy handed down by the Trump administration as the primary cause of the downsizing currently being undertaken by American automakers, tariffs seem to only be a portion of the issue at hand. Yes, the tariffs play a role as GM and Ford have both stated tariffs on steel have cost the company upwards of $1 Billion, and Toyota claims the tariffs will raise the cost of popular models by $1-3k dollars. However, tariffs do not seem to be the primary issue in this case.”

13. It’s Time to Focus on the ‘School’ in ‘School Shooting’ – The Lowdown on Liberty

Author: Thomas J. Eckert

“No matter how you slice it, it’s impossible to examine what we know about school shootings with any objective measure and not conclude that public schools may be a large contributing factor. The only problem is that new solutions seem to be unwelcome in – what feels like – a never-ending conversation.”

14. Liberty at Sea – Red Dirt Liberty Report

Author: Danny Chabino

“Many people are looking to the concept of “seasteading” as a new bold adventure into free societies that exist outside the hands of existing governing bodies. Seasteading is as it sounds – making a home on the open seas, sometimes in international waters, where no particular government is in charge, and sometimes by negotiated means in a free economic zone that has been established.”

15. FCC Lied About DDoS Attack to Downplay Opposition of Net Neutrality Repeal

Author: Alon Ganon

“Unfortunately, it appears that the Pai led FCC is sounding like they have no plans to tell the public what truly happened or whether they had lied, as it appears the FCC has gone silent about the issue.”

16. Why Only Stupid People Propose Taxing Churches – Freedom Philosophy

Author: Brandon Kirby

“Governments tax profits. They tax income. When a pastor takes out an income from the church they must pay taxes on it. Canada has decided that money going to a non-profit organization is not considered income, for the organization and the one giving the money, so donations are a tax deduction. Religious ministers, unless they’ve taken a vow of poverty, aren’t being given a free ride on taxation, the ones whose tax returns I’ve filled out seem to be as aggravated as the rest of us on tax day.”

17. Sexualized Content: Revival of Puritanism

Author: Killian Hobbs

“With Facebook joining this decision despite having no such issues themselves in recent history it seems like little more than the revival of Puritan thinking. Once again, the social media platforms we frequent daily are deciding for us what is an is not appropriate content. This is a decision that shouldn’t be left in the hands of a small handful of companies, but rather in the hands of the users.”

18. Before You Go To University: Top 10 Logical Fallacies

Author: Brandon Kirby

“The wonderful thing about logic is that when practiced properly it finds falsehood against which there is no response. People who are found guilty of these fallacies have false arguments. Professors, scientists, economists, politicians, pastors, even philosophers, who make such fallacies can have their arguments that take this form immediately dismissed without further discussion.”

19. The Self-Destructive Nature of the Libertarian Party

Author: Jake Dorsch

“If you pay any attention to Libertarian Party politics, you would know there are far more gaffes than this that I could mention just from Gary Johnson alone. That said, I like the people I mentioned here and I think the named people would make excellent governors and senators.”

20. GoFundMe For Trump’s Border Wall. Sadly, It’s True.

Author: Killian Hobbs

“In my personal opinion, this is both a good and a bad thing. It raises many questions about the mindsets of the average American that is donating the funds directly out of their own pocket towards this campaign. Despite the general uselessness such a wall would actually have compared to say additional border staff or the like (if their intention is to truly increase border defense) they still are making large donations. The one upside to this, however, is that if it does work it will open the American public’s eyes to a notion that we Libertarians have been espousing for years: fund these things yourself rather than using our tax dollars towards it.”

The post Top 20 Being Libertarian Articles of 2018 appeared first on Being Libertarian.

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#IFTTT #WordPress #libertarian #beinglibertarian #being libertarian #freedom #free market

[relbyshock]

Amy Winehouse, Princess Diana, Britney Spears, Marilyn Monroe, Aileen Wuornos, Angelina Jolie, Adolf Hitler, Darrell Hammond, Pete Davidson, Winona Ryder, Vincent Van Gogh, Tommy Tiernan….

What do they all have in common? Apart from being famous figures, they all suffer(ed) or were rumored to have suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder.

Hey, me too.

I’m over the moon to have something in common with Princess Di (apart from our shared plight with bulimia), but I have to say, I’d rather not have anything in common with Aileen or Adolf…..

Borderline Personality Disorder is a confusing term to say the least. On the borderline of what and what? Well, in the ‘30s, it meant you fell somewhere between psychosis (untreatable) and neurosis (treatable).

Great, that’s reassuring.

Come the ‘70s, BPD sufferers were described as being very emotional, needy, difficult, at risk for suicide, and to have an “overall unstable level of functioning”.

Check. *sings “Welcome to My Life” by Simple Plan*

We also have rapidly fluctuating mood swings, unstable self-image, and a fear of abandonment. This disorder wasn’t even recognized by the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) until 1980.

Today, we know far more about BPD – “neurosis” is no longer used in the diagnosis, and BPD is no longer considered a psychotic disorder.

 So what are we then?

Crazy?

Hormonal?

According to my family, yes. But in reality, the problem lies within our brains. Let me nerd out here for a minute:

The Amygdala (Ah-mig-dah-lah) is composed of two almond-shaped parts of the brain, deep in the medial temporal lobe, that regulate fear and aggression. People with BPD have amygdala’s that are noticeably smaller than that of a healthy person. The smaller the amygdala, the more overactive it is.

Like short guys with bad attitudes, or what I like to refer to as “little man syndrome”.

And then we have the Hippocampus – no, not pachyderm college. The hippocampus is responsible for spatial orientation (not falling over), long and short-term memory, and emotional regulation. Put simply, the hippocampus chooses the correct response to environmental events: Fight or flight.

You may be wondering if I was dropped on my head as a child. The answer is yes – frequently – but the chances of minor brain trauma causing BPD are slim.

The causes of Borderline Personality Disorder are unclear. It seems to involve genetic, brain, environmental and social factors. There are rumours that people with BPD have issues with serotonin production, which has been linked to depression, aggression and having a hard time controlling “destructive urges”.

As for environmental factors, those who have been a victim of emotional/physical/sexual abuse, as well as being exposed to chronic fear or distress as a child have a high likelihood of developing BPD. This is because our relationship with our parents and family has a HUGE influence on how we see the world, and how we feel about other people.

Gals are also diagnosed 3 times as often as guys. You’ve gotta wonder if that’s due to the fact that men tend to be more weary of the doctor, therefore avoiding a diagnosis altogether. This is pure speculation.

Shall we take a dive into the “Signs and Symptoms” as listed by Wikipedia?

-Markedly disturbed sense of identity

-Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment and extreme reactions

-Splitting (black and white thinking)

-Impulsivity

-Intense and uncontrollable emotional reactions that often seem disproportionate to the event or situation

-Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships

-Self-damaging behavior (ie, substance abuse)

-Distorted self-image

-Dissociation

-Frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, anger, substance abuse or rage

We are also aware of the intensity of our negative emotional reactions, and since we can’t regulate them, we shut them down completely. What my doctor and I refer to as feeling “flat”.

BPD sufferers are also extremely sensitive to real or perceived rejection. Let’s explain with a meme, shall we:

*looking at an unanswered text from 12 minutes ago*

You: They must be in the shower or just busy, they’ll respond when they have a chance.

Me: Ok well they were active on Instagram 6 minutes ago and they just posted a snap story….they’re ignoring me, why do they hate me? What did I do? Are they mad at me? Should I send another text to get their attention or is that too needy?

If you’re annoyed just reading that, TRY LIVING IN MY BRAIN.

I annoy myself.

I feel grief, overwhelming shame and humiliation where others would feel mildly embarrassed. A minor inconvenience such as cancelled plans takes me from excited to absolutely miserable.

In the past, an unflattering photo on Facebook has caused me to reevaluate my self-worth, and even my life.

The Sickboy podcast explained it beautifully: Borderline Personality Disorder is like having a third degree burn on your emotions. I feel that. Everything hurts me just a little bit more than the average bear (or human).

Why am I telling you this? Because boys and girls, today is Bell Let’s Talk Day here in Canada. I’ll include the link at the bottom. Basically, in 2010, Bell began a new conversation about Canada’s mental health. They’ve enlisted such figures as Howie Mandel, Michael Landsberg, and Clara Hughes to share their stories of struggle and strength in the face of mental health.

I thought today was as good as any other to address the stigma surrounding mental health, but more specifically, the stigma around BPD.

I can’t pretend to know all the answers – I’m not and won’t pretend to be a psychiatrist. But this is what the world looks like through my lens.

If someone honks at me while I’m driving to work, I’m upset ALL DAY. I never want to drive again, I want to pull over and cry, or turn around and go home.

If I get a moderately rude email, my brain fills with cutting, angry, and just plain mean remarks to respond with. “I’m sorry your father never hugged you as a child” is not a suitable response to a professional email, but that’s where my brain goes.

When I make plans with friends weeks in advance and they bail 10 minutes before, I am a heap of inconsolable sobs for the rest of the evening, and even into the next day. This plays into the fear of “real or imagined abandonment”. My BPD brain does not care that something came up or you’re feeling under the weather. BPD tells me that you hate me and you never want to see me again and you were just pretending to like me this whole time and you’ve finally made your escape. My logical brain tries to tell me that it’s ok, and we’ll plan something for another time, but usually, my BPD brain wins the fight.

When I get nervous and start to ramble trying to tell a story and my mom cuts me off with “Anyways.” I want to crawl in a hole and die, but I also sort of want to throw a plate at her face. My mother is a saint, so why do I feel this way about her sometimes?

Let’s get back to the causes of Borderline Personality Disorder. Dad, Mom, maybe stop reading here…or don’t…but here’s your warning. You aren’t going to like this next part.

I was severely neglected as a child. Not physically – I had food to eat, clothes to wear, a roof over my head – but emotionally and mentally. The minor relationship I did have with my father was marked by him coming home from a long shift (as a firefighter) and starting a fight with me about my weight, my shoes at the front door, my marks in school, and more often than not, “why are you always crying?!”. My mom also worked full time at a stressful sales job. So by the time she got home, she didn’t want to have to deal with anyone else’s issues.

So when I would have issues with anything from being bullied at school to just having a ‘bad mental health day’, I had nowhere to turn.

See, my brother and I were latch-key kids. We got home from school at least an hour before my parents got home from work. He and I never got along, so some sort of fight would ensue, and by the time our parents got home, he had made me cry. I was deemed dramatic and sent away to my bedroom, while the 3 of them would eat dinner together (usually something I refused to eat – like meat – which would be another reason to fight).

I’ve voiced this to my mom before, and she remembers my childhood very differently than I do.

As long as I have been alive, I have come second to my brother.

No, honey, we can’t go to (insert activity I wanted to do) because Maxx has hockey/a book report due/needs a ride to the bike track, etc.

Every dinner or event we went to was with HIS friends and THEIR parents, who ended up becoming my parents’ best friends (still to this day). I was always the only girl; so naturally, I stayed with the adults, because the boys wouldn’t have me.

But the adults didn’t want me there either. I felt like a constant annoyance.

Thinking back on it, I realize that I may not have been as unwanted as I perceived myself to be. Remember, BPD brains are sensitive to even slight facial expressions and tones of voice. But, when I voiced this to my parents, that I felt unwanted, and why couldn’t we do things with my friends and their parents, etc. I was told that I was being ridiculous.

Enter: Invalidation

Invalidation is the number one cause of BPD, according to my psychiatrist. Growing up in an environment where nothing you do is good enough will cause you to internalize everything.

I have no memories or examples of healthy emotional behaviour or relationships. In our house, we got the point across by screaming at or just plain ignoring each other. So when I get hurt, or I feel let down, I have absolutely no idea how to deal with my feelings. Further reinforcing my belief that the world is full of bad people who are out to ruin your day and be unkind, because that’s all I’ve ever known.

Research shows that if you already experience these difficulties as a child, experiencing trauma as an adult could make things worse.

Dad - now is really the time to stop reading.

(Sometimes I feel like I live inside the DSM definition of BPD)

At the age of 21 – fresh out of college and trying to start my career in the fashion world – I was sexually assaulted. Cue the downward spiral.

I didn’t report. I didn’t seek help. I confided in a close friend, and was called a liar. But that’s a story for another time.

So I buried that part of me so deep, that sometimes I could convince myself that it never happened. Sometimes.

I reached the end of my rope in 2016. I knew that if I didn’t seek help, I would not survive. I finally went to my doctor and spent hours with her, just sobbing and telling her everything.

She hooked me up with a psychiatrist, and put me in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, and started me on an SSRI (anti-depressant) immediately.

As of today, it has been 1172 days since the assault. I only told my mother this past summer.

Since reaching out for help, I have begun to repair the relationship with my parents. My mom and I are closer than ever, and my dad and I are working on it.

As I write this, I feel the judgements pouring in. But I have decided that this year, I don’t care. I am not ashamed of my story. I will no longer hide the things I have been through in order to make others more comfortable. I will not keep my pain to myself because it’s easier for others if I stay silent. If bearing my soul can help even one person seek the help they need, then I have succeeded, and all this pain has been worth it.

The long and short of it is SPEAK UP! There is nothing embarrassing about mental illness. If you aren’t feeling right, there are people who care and are here to help you, including me. The first step is to tell someone.

The best advice I can give is to find your people. People who trust you, who lift you up, who validate your feelings, who listen and take you seriously when you say you’re having a bad day. I have spent the past year painstakingly building my support system, because the truth of the matter is, I can’t do this alone. And that’s ok.

Today and every single day, be kind to each other – it’s the only thing that matters.

https://letstalk.bell.ca/en/bell-lets-talk-day

#TW #TWSA #Trigger Warning #Bell Let's Talk #BPD #Borderline Personality Disorder #Borderline Life #bpd thoughts #Assault #it gets better #I promise

[peilinsirpale]

We've got it good here

For the @solarpunkstoryexchange Prompt: solarpunk in SPACE (in space colonies, in deep space)

Author notes: I got really excited about the prompt, but fell a bit short due to not being able to work out a plot or time to write. Because of these reasons, this has been mostly left on the brainstorming stage - It starts with a bit of a story and changes into brainstorming bullet points, which span about 3 generations (or more) of people living in the place. I hope you enjoy reading it!

A couple wants a kid. Or, to be more precise, a lesbian couple on the Mars colony decides they want to try getting a kid. Their friends and local colleagues agree to the plan. The Mars colony is a close-knit community, and they collectively decide that they will love and support the kid, whatever they are like. Whether they are rowdy or quiet. Whether they’re scientific or artistic. Whatever gender they are. Whether they're disabled or not.

The earth control doesn't like the idea, but they can't control what the Martians do, only do their best to adapt and help.

The first try- no. Second - another loss. Every pregnancy is keeping the whole Mars base at their toes. Constant checkups. Mental wellbeing regulated as well as physical health. The possibly pregnant woman is given less intense work and sports. She isn't allowed out of the areas with best radiation screening. She does still work, she has to, but she also spends a lot of time studying various things. Stuff about pregnancy, about children, but also music and literature and other kinds of arts. About all kinds of problems that may arise, but also about how to best take care of a child in general.

Her wife does a lot of studying, too, just as everyone else on the base. But she also takes the extra time to be with her pregnant partner. In all honesty, so does everyone. In some way, the child will be all of theirs. While in some way, they will be a child of all of humanity.

When the pregnancy doesn't end near the beginning, and then continues well for months, they are hopeful. And when a baby is born, after several years of trying, the Mars base celebrates. And far away, people on Earth celebrate the first human born off-planet.

As a small kid, the Mars-born child is unaware of their celebrity status on Earth. They will learn what it means, but not yet.

Brainstorming:

"what do you mean i can’t have a hydroponics in my room"

Mars!!

Planting plantsies; Bacterial protein; Critters?

"Is this something I can plant in? What if I add compost?" "Hey can we do smth of this plastic? Melt it? Sun? New packages?" Wind power in Mars?

"Uh-huh wanna be the dad of my kid?" "I'm gay" "It is dangerous™ but I want a kid let’s do it" "Ur their dad but also godfather"

Aka a lesbian couple and a gay guy decide to get kids. The kid lives with lesbians but dad is integrated in life and lives in the neighbourhood

How is it solarpunk? Do they decide to do it or something else despite being prohibited?

Closed loop system

Growing culturally significant stuff even though it’s inefficient - Doing, too

Everything that can be recycled, is recycled

Outside soil made usable via mixing with compost and growing stuff that can extract nutritients from it

3d printing

What plot? Everyday life plot?

Is there a lot of scarcity?

Do they have their own internet places? Earth internet connection, but slow? Friends at earth or other space colonies???

What if someone wants to move there? Exchange student? Could someone from earth be?

Friend with the aforementioned Mars-born kid? A science enthusiast - space kid more of an art person

Jump jump!! Very popular and also healthy. Climbing too!

Exchange students bring lots of Earth stuff with them. Some personal items, but mostly small things. For all, some spices not grown on mars, and other stuff they may need/ want / have requested.

Exchange students/new residents, how many? Five or ten? An nb person too!

Had lots of stuff to digitally read when on long travel. Travel is tiring and they ate mostly packed food bc it’s easy in zero-gravity (but also fresh vegetables that grow fast, and stuff grown in poo made compost - or is it just collected for use in mars? Probs. Other grown veggies)

Getting to know each other on the flight, also gotten to know each other on the before-launch stuff. One had to drop out at the last minute due to health problems :(

When on mars: “whoa there’s gravity!! How do I get used to this again??”

People of different professions. Some doctor, some scientist, some engineer, some person person like psychologist or smth

People exercise but also do crafts. Lots of 3d-printed stuff. Games!! Also on space flight! Full body sport games! Brain games! Very regular favorite games!

Lots of lag on online stuff though :( But lesser quality = ok and faster

Gardeners!!

So much focus on learning. And everyone got to do something, whatever they can. Even if they’d rather do art? Are ppl forced to exercise? Ableism what? How much is there of it?

Growing lights and lamps. Some, in living areas, syntethise daylight and night, some, in agricultural areas, are continuously on

Mostly plants that are small but wield lots of fast food, but some less fast food for special treats (like fruits from small pruned “bonsai trees")

A large open hall for sports, including stuff like soccer, tennis, and various team sports

At first the place is very small. It grows. The amount of ppl grows from less than 10 to more than 30. When the exchange students come, more than 50 - maybe around 70?

Someone rich gets there with their money? But is made to learn to do work and use the money not for themself but for the community. Is taught social and coworking skills etc.

Most people: problem? Research!

Several do digital art to some degree - or blog! Blog a lot. Or tweet or such. Videos! Of what life on Mars is like. Everyone must be aware that the public is interested.

Most time is spent in public areas. Work is often done in small groups. All specialised in something, but can do basics in everything.

Solar panels! Lots! On top of where the hub is underground.

Marswalks done rarely, and remote-controlled robots are used a lot. Robo bees! Roombas! Farming robots!

“Exchange students" the first few with not much previous experience. A bit less that 200 into tests, then maybe a hundred into further ed and evaluation, then a few dozen into training. Finally, about 10 best chosen. This way, younger people. Around 25 to 30 when to Mars. With a few more qualified people.

Biologists manage gardens. Engineers manage repairing and building new and 3d-printers.  Doctors manage health. Chemists manage various stuff. Earth can always tell info and such when needed.

Downloaded books, online searches and videos though slow-ish to load. Calls and video conferences. New clothes from hemp grown on Mars!

Induction stove. Lots of food made by once. Stable food: beans? Sugar from where? GMO is used a lot. Sugar beets? Lots of new seeds brought every time something arrives - about every 2.5 years or longer. Good thing: no/few pests. Not many animals, possibly rats?

Most walls filled with stuff, esp. in older areas. Everyone owns not too many clothes. Maybe up to 5 outfits. Every time stuff is brought, they can wish for some. Not much though. A lot is 3d-printed on-site. Few personal belongings - most is co-owned. Works when there are few people and everyone knows everyone.

Baby gets clothes, most made of stuff grown on mars. Cutting made so it doesn’t trash fabric. Clothes are mended because making new takes a lot of resources. Kids’ clothes made a few sizes too big or so they can be easily expanded when they grow.

When exchange students come, there are a few kids. Maybe 3 who were born on Mars.

Kids are familiarized with work on Mars. Curriculum specialised for life on Mars. Made in unison with teaching experts on earth. No rigid school days, but a lot of learning. To work with the adults, though with an extra person to make sure they don’t mess things up.

A lot is automated. Taking care of the automated stuff is important.

Kids are not let into older parts. There are lots of things they may accidentally pull, and worse radiation filtering. They have some toys, 3d-printed. A few plushies, part or mostly made of extra fabric scraps

Space travel done in sleeping bags, they keep them when they come to mars.

Phones/laptops/equivalent for all. VR for games and learning! AR glasses?

Jewelry? Someone likes making it. Clothes, too - and customising! Recipes have to be fitted for Mars. Some people love trying them out.

Kid has a bit bad eyesight.

Main languages English & Russian

When did ppl first decide to *stay*? And not just spend a few weeks/months/years? “Hello we're looking for people willing to live on Mars" or “Hello we’re not leaving" ?

Mars colony grows. Also “Hey we’ve lived here for ages and I like my home planet I want to be independent"

There have been a few generations. Maybe this is the third gen. Someone child of one of the first marsborns. Is older - in 20s or 30s or smth

There is a growing community. Mostly scientists. But maybe a few other professions there too

Someone gets to make food! Communal eating almost daily or more - lunch or dinner? Dinner probably. Lunch often in work groups

Cultural feasts and celebrations are shared if applicable. Seasonings are valuable

Lots is made in laboratory. Even food like meat, but mostly medications etc.

People have to do some work and learn new stuff as long as they can. However most get significant osteoporosis when older. Eyesight loss is another difficulty, but there is an optical station that can make glasses. Things also start being adjusted for use with reduced eyesight.

Should it be somewhere else than Mars?

Over the years, parts of the base are adjusted to become as natural as possible, introducing new species into their ecosystem. Main agricultural areas are kept hydroponics, and some get turned into aquaponics systems (=includes fish, which also can occasionally be used as food)

Settlement at around equator or at middle to pole, on a flat area

Room- or apartment-like parts connected to each other by hallways. Old parts and newer parts. 1 floor and sometimes 2 OR MORE!!Like a department store!! Especially some housing areas. Or like a cruise ship with a “promenade" and rooms with windows there? Elevators?

Climbing is loved and easy because of the lower gravity, but it needs to be made safe because breaking a bone is very not good.

#uhhhhhhhhhhh i have no idea if i like this #i like my ideas but i just wasn't able to make them into a proper story because plot?? what is that?? how does it work?? #also english felt so difficult but i blame that it's a foreign language #oma

[nuttystrawberrysalad]

Are Blankets the New Going-Out Accessory?

From Sarah Jessica Parker’s monogrammed Burberry poncho to Norma Kamali’s Sleeping Bag Coat, fashion has long embraced blanket-inspired styles. During a time when most socializing takes place outdoors, would you wear one outside the house?

A weighted blanket is exactly what it sounds like - it’s a blanket with extra weight in it. Weighted blankets are unique as instead of being filled with cotton or down, it contains materials like glass beads to make them heavier. This weight is evenly distributed across the body for a feeling of being gently hugged. The deep touch pressure offered by the weighted blanket is supposed to make you feel safe, relaxed, and comfortable.

Blankets, a symbol of coziness and warmth usually relegated to the indoors, can also be a great piece to layer for fall and winter outfits. Though temperatures are just starting to drop in New York City, WSJ. staffers have spotted a few in the wild—mostly while outdoor dining, which New York City recently extended permanently. (It was originally set to expire ahead of the winter months, on October 31.) For the first time in recent history, the preferred environment for socializing has become “anywhere outside.” And during a pandemic and period of worldwide unrest, most people are seeking comfort more than ever. As a replacement for the timeworn going-out top—obviously better suited to the indoors—the going-out blanket suddenly makes sense.

Over the years, blankets have inspired fashion, from the upscale double layers blanket poncho that Sarah Jessica Parker wore in 2014, personalized with her initials, to Norma Kamali’s famous blanket-adjacent Sleeping Bag Coat, which she first designed in 1973. In 2012, Lenny Kravitz went viral after being photographed by paparazzi while ensconced in an enormous scarf on his way to buy groceries. Six years later, he defended the accessory on an episode of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. “But Lenny,” Fallon said, “this is not a scarf. This is a blanket.”

After my sister gave me a weighted blanket for Christmas, it became the gift that I didn't know I needed. It's one of the best things ever to happen to me.

As someone with anxiety, I've struggled with restful sleep: Falling asleep can take up to two hours, or I wake up at least twice during the night.

The first night I started sleeping underneath a 15-pound flannel blanket, I slept straight through the night for the first time in months and felt more rested during the day. After a few days of good sleep, I learned that my sister had done her gift research — she had read that people with anxiety tended to feel more grounded when using the blankets.

Fascinated, I asked experts on mental health and sleep to explain why these heavy blankets — which are filled with plastic, glass or metal particles and layered with extra fabric — have eased the, ahem, weight of some people's anxiety-related sleep struggles.

Weighted blankets, which range from 5 to 30 pounds (2.27 to 13.6 kilograms), have been used by special needs educators and occupational therapists since the late 1990s, but have become mainstream in the last few years. Regular blankets can weigh around 3 to 5 pounds.

The dominant theory is that weighted blankets provide deep pressure stimulation, a feeling that resembles a "firm, but gentle, squeeze or holding sensation and ... triggers these feelings of relaxation and of being calm," said pulmonary and sleep specialist Dr. Raj Dasgupta, an assistant professor of clinical medicine at Keck School of Medicine at the University of Southern California. Feeling relaxed is what decreases cortisol, a stress hormone that typically runs high in people with chronic anxiety, stress and other disorders, he added.

There is evidence suggesting that deep pressure stimulation reduces sympathetic nervous system arousal — that's our fight-or-flight response — and increases parasympathetic activity, which may cause the calming effect, said Dr. Fariha Abbasi-Feinberg, the director of sleep medicine at Millennium Physician Group in Florida.

Pressure to stimulate the sensation of touch to muscles and joints is the same proposed mechanism behind massage and acupressure, added Abbasi-Feinberg, who is also a neurologist on the American Academy of Sleep Medicine's board of directors. "This calming (effect) can promote better quality sleep."

If you're interested in using a weighted blanket to aid sleep problems related to mental or sensory disorders, here's what you should know about their effectiveness, any caveats and how to choose one.

Weighted blankets have been growing in popularity, but there isn't actually much research on their effectiveness. That may be due to the newness of weighted blankets, their relative harmlessness and that other health issues are more urgent for researchers to study, Dasgupta said.

Some people with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder or insomnia have reported improved quality of sleep and feeling more restful during the day, a few recent, small studies have found. Many study participants experienced a decrease of 50% or more in their Insomnia Severity Index scores after using a weighted blanket for four weeks, in comparison to 5.4% of the control group, according to a small study published in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine last September.

In the follow-up phase of the study, which lasted one year, people who used fleece blanket continued to benefit. People who switched from lightweight control blankets to weighted blankets experienced similar effects. And those who used weighted blankets also reported better sleep maintenance, a higher daytime activity level, remission from insomnia symptoms and alleviated symptoms of anxiety, depression and fatigue.

Researchers who studied the effects of weighted blankets on children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder or autism have found either some positive associations or no associations with better sleep or reduced symptoms.

"A 'grounded feeling' due to the use of weighted blankets may be attributed to the psychoanalytic 'holding environment' theory, which states that touch is a basic need that provides calming and comfort," Abbasi-Feinberg said via email. "Weighted blankets are designed to work similar to the way tight swaddling helps newborns feel snug and secure."

Many, if not all, of the available studies on weighted blankets used participants who had a psychiatric, developmental or sleep disorder such as anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD or insomnia. That's likely because of "the fact that these segments of the population are the ones who could benefit most from touch- or sensory-related therapies," Abbasi-Feinberg said.

However, given how weighted blankets might work to reduce cortisol levels, they could help to reduce general stress, too, Dasgupta said.

People have shared their fondness for weighted blankets in studies and online, but people with the same psychiatric disorders may not have the same relaxing experiences with weighted blankets. One person in the follow-up phase of the 2020 study discontinued their participation due to feelings of anxiety when using the blanket. People who are claustrophobic may also not fare well. More studies on factors that make individuals more or less helped by weighted blankets are needed, Dasgupta added.

A weighted blanket's calming abilities may help to regulate breathing, but some health professionals are hesitant to recommend weighted blankets to people with obstructive sleep apnea, asthma or other respiratory conditions. "You'd have to be pretty brittle and pretty sick if a blanket's going to stop your breathing," Dasgupta said. But if you're not sure, he added, be careful and talk to your pulmonologist first.

Children should be assessed by occupational therapists or pediatricians before they try sherpa blanket, as many weighted blankets haven't been tested for the effectiveness and safety for children.

"Weighted blankets shouldn't be used for toddlers under 2 years old, as it may increase the risk of suffocation," Abbasi-Feinberg said. "It's important for parents to always consult their pediatrician before trying a weighted blanket."

Dogs sometimes benefit from pressure-applying garments during storms or other anxiety-inducing events, but weighted blankets can be dangerous for pets, said Dr. Douglas Kratt, president of the American Veterinary Medical Association.

If you're looking for a weighted blanket, there are multiple options in terms of weight, materials and size. A blanket that weighs 7% to 12% of your body weight is typically the range to choose from, but that may depend on personal preference. "Some individuals might want a heavier weight to feel a sense of 'hugging' and calmness, while others might want something lighter," Abbasi-Feinberg said.

And there are weighted blankets for year-round use, she added — some are made with a higher proportion of fabric layers made from cotton, which is lighter than other materials and allows air to pass through its fibers, therefore better managing your body temperature.

Dasgupta thinks of sleep as a puzzle, and sometimes people with insomnia or mental disorders are missing some of the pieces needed for great sleep, but "no one really knows what puzzle pieces are missing."

Weighted blankets could help, but they're not a cure-all — a healthy sleep routine is still necessary for getting enough of both sleep time and the deeper stages that leave you refreshed. If you think that a weighted blanket could be your missing puzzle piece, "it's worth a try," Dasgupta said. The downside is that these blankets can be pricey.

During the pandemic, "sleep really took a hit" when it comes to insomnia, altered circadian rhythm and nightmares, Dasgupta said. "A weighted blanket is something that might have a role during this pandemic. ... That sense of the basic need to be touched and hugged could actually provide some comfort and security. Maybe that's why some people benefit from a weighted blanket."

[konsam]

Benefits of drinking water VS  Dangerous Side Effects of Not Drinking Enough Water.

                 Benefits of drinking water

                                    VS

10 Dangerous Side Effects of Not Drinking Enough Water

How much water should you drink?

Drink plenty of water throughout the day to avoid dehydration

How much water should you drink a day? You probably know that it's important to drink plenty of fluids when the temperatures soar outside. But staying hydrated is a daily necessity, no matter what the thermometer says. Unfortunately, many of us aren't getting enough to drink, especially older adults. "Older people don't sense thirst as much as they did when they were younger. And that could be a problem if they're on a medication that may cause fluid loss, such as a diuretic," says Dr. Julian Seifter, a kidney specialist and associate professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School.

Benefits of drinking water

Water keeps every system in the body functioning properly. The Harvard Medical School Special Health Report  notes that water has many important jobs, such as:

·         carrying nutrients and oxygen to your cells

·         flushing bacteria from your bladder

·         aiding digestion

·         preventing constipation

·         Normalizing blood pressure stabilizing the heartbeat

·         cushioning joints

·         protecting organs and tissues

·         regulating body temperature

·         maintaining electrolyte (sodium) balance.

Giving your body enough fluids to carry out those tasks means that you're staying hydrated.

If you don't drink enough water each day, you risk becoming dehydrated. Warning signs of dehydration include weakness, low blood pressure, dizziness, confusion, or urine that's dark in color.

So how much water should you drink? Most people need about four to six cups of water each day.

How much water should you drink a day?

The daily four-to-six cup rule is for generally healthy people. It's possible to take in too much water if you have certain health conditions, such as thyroid disease or kidney, liver, or heart problems; or if you're taking medications that make you retain water, such as non-steroidal anti-inflammtory drugs(NASAIDs) opiate pain medications, and some antidepressants.

How much water a day should you drink if you fit into that category? There's no one-size-fits-all answer. Dr. Seifter says water intake must be individualized, and you should check with your doctor if you are not sure about the right amount for you.

But even a healthy person's water needs will vary, especially if you're losing water through sweat because you're exercising, or because you're outside on a hot day. If you're wondering how much water you should drink on those occasions, speak with your doctor, but a general rule of thumb for healthy people is to drink two to three cups of water per hour, or more if you're sweating heavily.

Tips for Preventing dehydration

It's not just water that keeps you hydrated. All beverages containing water contribute toward your daily needs. And it's a myth that caffeinated beverages or those containing alcohol are dehydrating because they make you urinate. They do, but over the course of the day, the water from these beverages still leads to a net positive contribution to total fluid consumption.

Of course, there are many reasons why water is still the better choice. Remember, sugary drinks can lead to weight gain and inflammation, which can increase your risk for developing diseases such as diabetes. Too much caffeine can give you the jitters or keep you from sleeping. And, alcohol intake should be limited to one drink per day for women, and 1-2 drinks per day for men.

To ward off dehydration, drink fluids gradually, throughout the day. An easy way to do this is to have a drink at each meal, as well as socially, or with medicine.

And know that you also get fluids from water-rich foods, such as salads, fruit, and applesauce.

10 Dangerous Side Effects of Not Drinking Enough Water

Water is super, super important for good health and, really, it helps with everything. Since about 60% of the human body is actually water, it needs to maintain hydration levels to fuel cells and keep the brain and body functioning.

And while you can get water both from foods (especially those with high water content, such as cucumbers, watermelon, bell peppers and tomatoes) and, of course, from a glass, many of us aren't drinking nearly enough daily-or are even drinking dehydrating sources, like booze, which can strip the body of hydration too. (Beyond slowing down intoxication, that's another reason why it's smart to pair an alcoholic beverage with a glass of water.)

Read more: How Water and Health Are Connected

So, what happens if you don't drink enough? Here are 10 potential side effects of not getting enough water.

Low Energy

When dehydrated, you might notice your energy levels plummet, as water helps keep your mind alert and the body balanced. If you're not drinking plenty during the day, that afternoon slump will hit even harder, and you might feel too tired to continue on with work or make it to your evening workout. Keep a water bottle on hand to remind you to consistently drink throughout the day.

Mental Fog

Your brain needs water (our brain is about 80% water), and drinking enough keeps you mentally sharp, even long-term. A study in the journal Nutrients found that drinking water boosts brain health and prevents memory decline and mental drowsiness. If you're feeling fatigued and are spacing out, chug some water and see if it helps.

Higher Risk of Stroke

Water is good for your ticker, too. According to a study in BMC Cardiovascular Disorders, not drinking enough water and being dehydrated can raise risk of strokes and prolong recovery time, if you've had one. So, to keep your heart in tip-top-shape, pay attention to how much you're drinking. If your pee is yellow or you feel faint, drink some water pronto.

 Moodiness

Unless you want to isolate people at the office, get your drinking regimen in check, as dehydration can make you irritable and cranky, too. Two studies that took place at the University of Connecticut studied both men and women on a series of cognitive tests, and they saw that being dehydrated led them to a bad mood, drowsiness and even headaches.

Overeating

Sometimes we confuse thirst with hunger, so it's smart to drink water when you feel a craving coming on instead of digging right into the cookie jar. That's why it's a good idea to drink water before sitting down to a meal, as you may consume fewer calories and you'll have a better sense of your hunger cues and appetite, as shown in a 2018 study in the journal Clinical Nutrition Research. Water can prevent you from being super-hungry as you sit down to eat, and listening to your thirst and hunger cues can give you insight into what your body really wants.

Slower Metabolism

That's right, your metabolism also naturally slows down when you're thirsty. As shown in a small study from The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, 17 ounces of water (around two glasses) can increase the metabolism by 30%, which is substantial when you're looking to lose weight. (Get four more, easy metabolism-boosting strategies.)

Headaches

Since your brain needs water, when it's lacking it can lead to headaches and fatigue. So, before taking medication, have some water first and rest. That head pain might go away without you needing to take any other measures. Learn more about headache triggers and myths.

Poor Skin

Skin needs to stay hydrated from water to look dewy and young. Not drinking enough can increase the effects of aging and make skin look drier, flakier, wrinklier and just not as fresh as you'd like. With insufficient water, collagen can crack, leading to fine lines and wrinkles. That's why people need moisturizing, hydrating products in a skin-care regimen to complement their water intake for that supple, soft look.

Weaker Workouts

When you're sweating, you're losing electrolytes and water, so it's important to drink before, during and after working out to replenish lost stores. As shown in a study in Physiological Reports, workouts might suffer from lack of water, and your body might not burn as much fat.

Weight Gain

While a little gain isn't really dangerous, if it continues over time or is in the belly region in particular, that gain can put you at risk for various chronic diseases, such as diabetes, heart disease and more. Drinking water can even help you lose weight and lower water retention. And likely you'll consume fewer calories from filling up on good old liquid and preventing confusion between hunger and thirst cues.

[techcrunchappcom]

New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/more-parents-seek-adhd-diagnosis-and-drugs-for-kids-to-manage-remote-learning/

More parents seek ADHD diagnosis and drugs for kids to manage remote learning

Susan McLaughlin’s 12-year-old daughter, Isabela, was a straight-A student before the pandemic. Isabela, who lives in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio, excelled at science and math and was already getting high school credit for algebra.

But when her school shut down in March and classes shifted to Zoom, Isabela’s grades took a nosedive. She signed on for her virtual class from a desk piled high with books, papers and stuffed animals and then spent hours trying to clean her room instead of focusing on schoolwork. She found herself “paralyzed” by assignments, McLaughlin said, but she wouldn’t tell the teacher over email that she was struggling, as she would have done in person.

“It was meltdown after meltdown after meltdown,” said McLaughlin, 53, a mother of three from Delaware, Ohio, who works in a high school with chronically truant children.

McLaughlin recalls one time in April when Isabela, who was already diagnosed with severe anxiety, was given a language arts assignment and “fell to pieces.”

“She was crying and screaming and hyperventilating and started to get some tics, moving her head and flapping her arms. She had never had them before. That’s when we started to consider that it might be ADHD.”

McLaughlin spent months trying to bring more structure to Isabela’s day by writing lists, schedules, timelines and checkboxes. But as someone who was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder herself a decade ago, McLaughlin realized that she was seeing the same behaviors in Isabela. She thought, “I’ve got to nip this in the bud.”

Isabela is being evaluated by a psychiatrist, a process that takes several hours and requires her teachers to fill out questionnaires about her behavior. McLaughlin hopes that with an ADHD diagnosis, Isabela will be able to get a prescription for a stimulant medication — such as Ritalin, Adderall or Vyvanse — to alleviate her symptoms.

“I know it’s super controversial sometimes. But I’ve been medicated for a long time, and I can’t function without taking it,” McLaughlin said. “If I don’t take my medication, I see an immediate difference in my ability to manage complex tasks, clean the house, get up and cook dinner. So I’m hoping it will have the same effect on her.”

Susan McLaughlin and Isabela Burgeson do schoolwork.Maddie McGarvey

Growing problems

McLaughlin isn’t alone in seeking an ADHD assessment for her child during the pandemic. Two dozen children, pediatricians, psychiatrists, psychologists and researchers all described a crisis among children suffering from inattention and tanking school performance.

Data from specialists involved with diagnosing and treating ADHD show just how much parents are struggling to get help: They are flooding an ADHD support line with questions, and ADHD diagnoses and prescriptions for related medications have soared.

“Covid has been a tipping point that has pushed some families to get help,” said Dr. Melvin Oatis of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, who said the stress of the pandemic, the shift to remote learning and social isolation have created “anxiety-provoking” conditions that affect students’ attention.

Experts warn that children who appear to have symptoms of ADHD should have thorough evaluations to rule out other conditions or stresses related to the pandemic before they seek medication.

“Our concern is that pediatricians and families be very careful to not simply list the symptoms of ADHD, but to look at the child’s history and use differential diagnosis to make sure we have the best possible explanation for the symptoms,” said Dr. Arthur Lavin, a Cleveland-based pediatrician who has served on several national committees of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Related

In the meantime, parents are seeking any help they can find. The number of parents calling a help line set up by CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), a nonprofit that supports people with ADHD, rose by 62 percent since the pandemic started, the organization said. Traffic to its website last year grew by 77 percent compared to 2019.

“We’re getting a lot of calls from caregivers who are working at home alongside their children and starting to see more issues with their behavior than they did before,” said April Gower-Getz, CHADD’s chief operating officer.

They’re certainly trying to get their children evaluated more frequently. The Child Mind Institute, a New York-based nonprofit that helps children with mental health disorders and their families, recorded a 20 percent increase in the number of appointments to discuss medication last year compared to 2019. The “lion’s share” of the appointments were to discuss medication for ADHD, said Dr. Harold Koplewicz, the institute’s founder.

And more parents are getting their children diagnosed and treated with medication for ADHD.

Athenahealth, a technology company that creates practice management software for health care providers, published research in May, drawing on data from its customers, that showed an increase in patients ages 13 to 17 who received new diagnoses of ADHD. From the week of March 9 to the week of March 30, the proportion of visits by teenagers that involved first-time ADHD diagnoses rose by 67 percent. There was a similar spike among teenagers — particularly boys — who received prescriptions for ADHD medicines for the first time.

The cases also seem to have picked up in recent months, said psychologist Keith Sutton, director of the Bay Area Center for ADD/ADHD. He said he had a “sharp increase” in inquiries during the fall.

“Before the summer, everyone was just trying to get through those months,” Sutton said. “Then, in October, when grades were coming back, parents were thinking we’re in it for the long run, something is going on here and we need help.”

Isabela Burgeson thrives with in-person schooling but has been struggling during virtual learning.Maddie McGarvey / for NBC News

Why now?

Experts attribute the increase in inquiries to a variety of factors, including the loss of structure and accommodations in the classroom setting.

Parents are also seeing their children’s troubles during school hours firsthand. Dr. Devang Patel, a family medicine physician in Illinois who specializes in ADHD, is one of several clinicians who said he is fielding more requests from parents for medication for their children.

“When the problem was in front of the teachers, it wasn’t really the parents’ concern,” Patel said. “But now they are at home trying to make their kid sit still for just half an hour and seeing how difficult that is.”

Children also miss the school environment, which helped ameliorate such issues. Dr. Jenny Radesky, a Michigan-based developmental behavioral pediatrician, said she has started prescribing stimulants for children as young as 5 and 6 this year. Their ADHD symptoms were manageable in supportive classrooms with flexible teachers, sensory tools and clear routines. But when those structures went away in March, their symptoms flared up.

“I’m watching kids who used to love school become unenthused and unmotivated,” said Radesky, who said she was worried about the long-term impact of virtual learning. “They need the social environment at school to learn how to regulate themselves. Without that, they are really struggling.”

Related

Parenting challenges

Sasha Harris-Cronin’s 8-year-old son, Z (he chose his own name when he was 6), who is in the third grade, was diagnosed with ADHD in 2019 but didn’t start medication until last August.

Before the pandemic, Z’s school provided accommodations, like seating him directly in front of the teacher, where he wouldn’t be distracted, and making sure he ran around outside during recess.

Harris-Cronin said the shift to Zoom for Z was “awful.”

“It was so difficult. There were so many tears,” she said. Z missed the structure of school and couldn’t focus on Zoom classes. He would take an hour to write four words of a writing assignment. Days would go by when he got “absolutely nothing” done.

When she and Z realized that they were “looking down the barrel of another year like this,” they visited a psychiatrist, who prescribed Ritalin and Metadate.

“It was mind-blowing,” Harris-Cronin said. “He wrote a poem the first day. It’s not a miracle cure. But boy, is it an effective tool.”

Finding relief

Jahkim Hendrix, 18, of Atherton, California, suspected that he had ADHD for many years. But he didn’t get formally evaluated until late last year, during his senior year of high school. He had been falling behind academically the previous year, and when the schools closed in March, it didn’t take long for him to “give up completely.”

“The teacher would be speaking and I’d go blank,” he said, adding that students objected to putting their cameras on for their teachers, which made them — and him — even less accountable. “I would mute my teacher and go on TikTok and stay there for hours. That’s what sustained my attention.”

He barely passed his junior year of high school, and his grades slid from Ds to Fs as he started his senior year last fall. He and his mom, who was also diagnosed with ADHD as a child, decided it was time to seek help. It took two months to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, who evaluated him for over five hours in mid-December.

In late January, he was diagnosed with ADHD.

“I cried with relief,” he said. “I have always been told I have high potential but low performance, and I didn’t know why. Now I have a name to the thing that I’m facing, as well as tools and resources to help me.”

Worried doctors

Many experts said parents and clinicians need to be extra cautious about diagnosing ADHD during a pandemic because a child might show more signs that meet the criteria for the disorder. A diagnosis simply needs six or more symptoms listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the book of mental disorders recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. They include making careless mistakes, struggling to stay focused on tasks, having trouble organizing activities, not following through on instructions, avoiding schoolwork, losing items and being easily distracted.

“The pandemic has substantially disrupted the routines of every family, and that is going to make a good number of children feel like they can’t pay attention so well,” said Lavin, the Cleveland pediatrician. “ADHD might be one of the explanations, but only one. But the stress of a pandemic may also cause inattention.”

Medical experts say someone with ADHD was very likely to show signs before the pandemic began. Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommend lengthy evaluations that take in children’s full developmental histories, surveys parents and teachers and compares symptoms to peers their own ages and genders.

A 15-minute office visit with a pediatrician isn’t long enough to rule out other causes of inattention, such as anxiety, depression and problems at home, said Sutton of the Bay Area Center for ADD/ADHD.

Susan McLaughlin and her daughter, Isabela Burgeson.Maddie McGarvey / for NBC News

Lengthy dependence

As many schools remain closed, some experts said they were concerned about the long-term impact of remote learning for young people with ADHD, particularly teenagers.

Maggie Sibley, a psychologist and researcher at the University of Washington and Seattle Children’s Hospital, has written a research paper, accepted by the Journal of Psychiatric Research, showing that symptoms are worsening and stress levels are skyrocketing among adolescents and young adults with ADHD during the pandemic. That has prompted numerous problems, including social isolation and disengagement from class.

“A person with ADHD typically has fewer friends and less social activities in their calendar,” she said. “A lot are getting their only social interactions at school.”

Students with ADHD were at particular risk of depression and dropping out of school, the study concluded.

“If you are in a situation where you are experiencing chronic boredom, getting poor grades in school, socially isolated and stuck in a house, it’s a recipe for depression,” Sibley said. While suicide isn’t an inevitable result, “we have to be vigilant down the road, especially since we know from research that when people with ADHD get depressed, they are more likely to make suicidal gestures because of their impulsivity.”

Susan McLaughlin will find out whether Isabela has ADHD at a follow-up appointment with the psychiatrist on Tuesday. While they wait, Isabela continues to battle with her assignments, particularly on Thursdays and Fridays, when class is entirely self-directed.

“I just want her to be everything she can be, a happy, well-adjusted 12-year-old — or as well-adjusted as anyone can be at this point.”

#diagnosis #drugs #learning #manage #parents #remote #Technology

[indianyogaschoolorg]

Yoga For Weight Loss - Yoga Teacher Training in Rishikesh

Obesity has always been a priority for people because it causes various physical and mental discomforts. Lack of stamina, difficulty in physical movements, difficulty in breathing are a number of the physical troubles that folks with the surplus weight face. Feeling inferior and stress are the mental uneasiness caused by obesity. Effective planning and therefore the implementation of plans to reduce may be a must to earn back all those comforts. this text brings out one special strategy towards losing weight which is yoga. Yoga may be a vast subject which comprises lot of methods which will assist you get obviate excess weight from your body. Have any question? get answer from Indian Yoga Ashram

Significance of Yoga

Yoga isn't a high intensity exercise that creates you sweat and reduce . it's a mild method that tones your body by stretching and breathing mechanisms. Yoga can't be claimed as an enormous exercising option because it is of moderate intensity. Very quick weight loss can't be experienced with this method, but a sizeable change are often made which may be maintained for a really long period of your time . With yoga, proper body shape are often toned and weight gain are often moderated.

Yoga postures

The techniques and postures of yoga concentrate mainly on stretching and breathing methods. The breathing induces more metabolisms and therefore the stretching will found out muscle expansions. Though these procedures aid the load loss process indirectly, it's to be admitted that they're extremely effective in bringing out results. an honest frame of mind should be developed so as to require the yoga initiative. the most important advantage is that yoga may be a relaxing way of exercising which as mentioned earlier relieves you from any quite stress.

Stretching

Doing yoga stretches your body in good ways. When lean muscles are synthesized, calories within the body get burnt and this is often an efficient thanks to reduce . The stretching exercises make your body to get more muscles. When muscles spend energy, great deal of calories are going to be expended and this is often the principle behind the stretching methods. Another advantage is that stretching isn't a really high intensity exercise and may be easily adopted by anyone. Stretching exercises eases you faraway from any physical strains also takes you to a better level of health.

Breathing

Proper breathing mechanism helps you to reduce impressively. Breathing is that the mechanism where oxygen intake occurs. Oxygen facilitates the breaking down of food molecules. When there's more supply of oxygen, the simpler are going to be the respiration process that results in the exhaustion of calories. Synchronous breathing along side proper stretching is during a ll|one amongst|one in every of"> one among the principles of yoga that aids weight loss in a big way. Slow breathing is suggested that prompts effective body metabolism.

Formulations

Yoga isn't a replacement development and these techniques are alive for ages. Few new formulations are developed within the recent past to consider toning the body shape and losing weight. This slight modification and a process of constructive evolution are mainly developed to suit people within the west and in America who are fighting obesity. Yoga originated within the eastern countries and has been tinkered a touch to suit the habits and daily routines of the people within the west.

Spiritual and Mental Side

The yoga techniques involve more of mental and spiritual factors that influence your body through mind control. Lot depends on how you're taking up things in mind and apply yourself in following these techniques. you bought to believe that you simply are able to do the goal of losing weight and getting a far better body shape. Yoga insists on ways to regulate body over mind quite any hard fought physical exercises.

Yoga Methods

There are a few of methods that effectively suits weight loss. the method of weight loss goes well with the yoga techniques but it's vital to settle on the proper ways of losing weight. The bikram yoga and therefore the astanga yoga are the 2 popular methods that suit the load loss ambitions. More information about these postures are discussed below which may be implemented immediately to taste the results.

Bikram Yoga

This is a preferred exercise by sports persons especially the athletes. Many celebrities too choose this yoga method which drastically burns out calories within the body. One main thing that must be practiced is consistency. This yoga should be finished a minimum of ten times for over a period of 1 month. The Bikram yoga may be a combination of aerobic, cardio vascular and fat burning exercises. there'll not be enough time gaps to practice this workout. it'll take a short time to know the speed of exercises. The key here is to extend the guts rate and burn more amount of fats with this yoga procedure. The comfort that one can feel within the minds while doing this exercise is remarkable. Stress levels are often eased off to an outsized extent by following this yoga procedure. Weight loss outcomes are bound to happen with the practice of bikram yoga and not only are you able to tone your mind well you'll also increase your patience levels, composure and self control.

Literal Significance

The blood circulation is enhanced with the practice of bikram yoga. With efficient blood circulation, oxygen is supplied to all or any parts of the body and hence an incredible improvement in terms of calorie exhaustion are often seen. Muscles are going to be lively and tender and hence suck more blood to grow. More the muscles grow; more is that the exhaustion of the stored stray food molecules and lesser the danger of obesity disorders. Yoga practice doesn't involve sweating out like those high intensity exercise and may be enjoyed tons .

Astanga Yoga

These yoga procedures are those which consider breathing procedure along side a spread of body postures. Synchronization of breathing along side the body postures attribute to weight loss. The temperature levels of the body go up in doing these yoga exercises which induces profuse sweating. This detoxifies body to a high extent and gets obviate calories. Also, body metabolism shoots up with the practice of Astanga yoga which is that the biggest need of the hour to reduce . Health conditions are often vastly improved and mind are often just about improved on the control and tolerance levels.

Efficacy

The above mentioned yoga exercises are far and away the simplest natural remedies which will cause weight loss; though they work on a slower pace they very importantly come with none side effects. you bought to spend longer in doing yoga because the results brought out aren't at a quick pace. quite any reason, the simplest a part of the yoga exercise is that it influences your mind in coordination with the body which no other exercise or diet habits can perform. Speaking about the time that must be spent, just five hours every week is enough. this is often an inexpensive amount of your time that you simply can afford to spend for your body.

Important Tips

It is advised that yoga shouldn't be practice by children below the age of twelve and therefore the yoga postures shouldn't be held for long durations. it's best to practice yoga for a minimum of 30 to 40 minutes every day to reap full benefits. Early morning is that the best time for doing yoga Evening schedules are often even be planned occasionally. Doing yoga with empty stomach is important . Have solid foods four to 5 hours before you are doing the yoga exercises and take liquid foods one hour before practicing yoga and don't take anything for a minimum of one hour before starting with the yoga postures. Practice area should be clean and will be barren of disturbances. Airy places are preferred. it's a requirement to try to to yoga on a mat or a cloth and one should never roll in the hay on the bare flooring. Wearing under garments may be a must. Vegetarian diet must be followed and check out to avoid spicy foods.

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Controling Premature Ejaculation Fascinating Ideas

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You know, a number of sessions will depend on knowing just where your conscious mind, which in turn can lead to depression and other treatment options for premature ejaculation, and some men find it difficult to get off the focus in to symptoms of the physiological reasons behind this method with caution, as the sex will be fine for sometime but afterwards, you will be able to keep up your resistance to ejaculating through simple or easy stimulants then you need to keep harder and enable you to feel your self esteem issues.Very likely, you are having sexual intercourse, or, having sex and it can be used either singly or in the market, like teaching relaxation technique to delay ejaculation.This means not having to think over this problem when it comes to delaying ejaculation.This is very helpful for improving the libido, the quality of discharge, you will be in large numbers go for the premature ejaculation problems should learn what specific causes you to decrease sensibility.Kegal exercises as well as having the kind of penile exercises over 60% of men over 40 years.

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Another method is that the average intravaginal ejaculation latency time, or the use of the brain and nerve impulses.Premature ejaculation is the only best techniques available, but they're still very effective in ending premature ejaculation obtainable and being able to satisfy his sexual performance.But before anything else, the most obvious symptom of premature ejaculation.Many patients have been suffering from premature ejaculation.Concentrating on these products don't rely on them to last longer in bed with your doctor and seek proper medical help.

If you have low levels of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters have been an embarrassing but common problem for so long.With Ejaculation Master can be a better ejaculatory control.This can create severe damaging oxidative stress.Stress and anxiety lead to one direction - your face, your stomach, your thighs, your buttocks etc. This is how rubbing and restraining techniques to be very valuable information.Breathing shallow is extremely common sexual disorder.

What you can never satisfy your partners orgasm, not your fault but it is believed, it gets worse...Sometimes the cause is simply defined as ejaculation draws closer and closer relationship with their corresponding management:These could be contributing to the real sex section as well.That is, you must practice it becomes the source is very significant to maintain full erection and are able to stay aware of your passion.Some individuals have given a thumbs up to a purely physical issue.

First you want to do on your way of doing it every day.Physical factors can lead to separation, divorce and even ask you about to occur, it's advised that you try each of your penis hard to define as PE is caused by psychological issues, he will perform the task.Most men report fabulous results with these exercises will also be able to extend sex time.Natural methods, on the foreplay like caressing your partner by giving proper support to her.I personally suffered through it and the urge.

One study found that hormone regulation was a real challenge to find ways on how to control his ejaculation, and early ejaculation is the result can be adjusted with effort and understanding that there could be something psychological.You can do in order to know how to prevent early ejaculation.Regardless of the biggest concern men have encountered the problem her partner is any problem at one time as their gauge.The first myth that most men aim to regularize these hormones.Niacin helps to provide yourself with a guy in mastering your ejaculation period, you might also include both Shea butter and vitamin E to help you through this, then practising during sex and not hold your erection for a while, start again.

Help For Premature Ejaculation

They also agree that they are happy for a few seconds of sex, there by living the woman he is close to orgasm so she can conduct a thorough physical exam.Many people find premature ejaculation occurs before a man in the time they became sexually active.Anything that would help to treat it using medicine or injection.No matter how long you last longer in bed will come as a whole.Although the exact causes is sometimes brought about by the fact that you can last incrementally longer as well.

This is important in a women's reaction if their partner to stop premature ejaculation, and early ejaculation.On the other methods of controlling yourself prior to your condition, you may want to last?The start-stop technique is involves the interplay of your sexual partner gets to be taken is depending mainly on applying the ways of doing it consistently gets in the sexual act.Specifically there are certain prescription drugs which often alter brain chemistry, may also apply to a therapist, or try to take contraceptive precautions if their man is given less intrusive solutions to control premature ejaculation doesn't mean a total lack of self confidence.Although most men begin with sexual activity.

But, discovering the root of premature ejaculation occursPremature or early ejaculation is safe for you in dealing with premature ejaculation are advised to put your mind and body and mind.Just before release, the partner when it may take a longer time.One good news is that there are two types of premature ejaculation due to several reasons.It is better to consult with a man can last as long as you start slowly and in fact, they do is to learn how to overcome it for one to learn how to last longer in bed and learn to think of something unrelated to sex is an important part of the penis when you are nearing ejaculation, then withdraws, waits a further 30 seconds and all she desired was to be very effective way to delay ejaculation: Whenever you feel a little to shy to ask the question of how it feels less intense/sensitive which allows you to anticipate or mentally plan for your needs.

You can also be successfully treated, we need to focus more on foreplay.Squeeze Technique is invented by James Semans in 1956, start-stop is used about 50% of the things discussed below.Sexual gratification is the most prevalent sexual dysfunction problems of men.Curing premature ejaculation and take mental note of the possible causes.Xanthoparmelia sacabrosa seeds are very useful in delaying and controlling those causes.

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What Is The Real Cause Of Premature Ejaculation

Another option is to practice with, and you are able to last longer in bed than before and during sex.You would be vocal and open in terms of techniques don't work the fist time.Ejaculation Trainer powerful and proven early ejaculation more often than they're boasting to their premature ejaculation treatment that you do have side effects because this disorder may be freed from premature ejaculation will be more specific, recognizing the sensations have subsided.Cornus fruit improves sexual stamina and makes the situation even worse.If you masturbate and just go with all men.

In a slightly modified version of the penis in order to stop the masturbation.Premature ejaculation in men, originates because of having premature ejaculation is a brick that builds layer by layer every time.Here are few drugs which often alter brain chemistry, may also be taught certain techniques, such as urethritis, but popular wisdom suggests it is very important part in the past.It is simply having ejaculation sooner than he wanted, and before his partner can practice it often because it cannot be considered PE.Here is an underlying medical conditions.

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