There might be a lot of them but I mean, how could I not try my hand at this? Especially after watching this and going “yep that hurts”. Granted, I ended up just using the line (“I know he used to be an asshole but…”) instead of going off the sound a whole lot.
Anyway….timeline is all screwed, don’t think about it too hard. Also clearly not canon. Obviously. Only hints of steddie.
~~~~~~
Look, he knows okay? It’s pretty well known across town. It’s no secret and he’s ashamed of it all, it’s something he doesn’t want to reminisce anymore. He’s grown and he thinks he’s better, hopes he’s better. Swears he hasn’t been like that for a few years now, so why does everyone keep bringing it up?
Why does he have to keep proving himself? What does he have to do for them to stop bringing it up?
The first time it happens, he brushes it off. Mostly because it’s true, he was an asshole and he was still learning and breaking himself from who he was. So, it makes sense for Nancy to say it to Barb and then again weeks later to Jonathan. Truth be told, he thinks neither of them believed Nancy.
(it’s a stab straight to the heart when she calls him bullshit)
It’s months before he hears it again, that he nearly forgot the words. It makes him freeze when he hears it from Dustin as he’s cleaning the Byers’s kitchen. The kid is arguing with his friends about why he’s even here. It’s like he’s hit with a bucket of cold water to hear, “sure, he can be an asshole but he’s here to help!”
Sure those words work to help the other kids lay off Dustin’s back, helps make them grumble less about him. But to him? The words sting and it feels worse coming from the kid who he actually likes, thinks they could be close. Clearly there’s a line between them.
He does forget the words, not even an hour later when Billy fucking Hargrove smashes a plate against his head and beats the shit out of him.
Almost a year later and who he was is thrown directly in his face on his first day of work at Scoops. It’s such a slap to the face, not even a full week after his dad cuts him off.
“Thought an asshole like you would on his way to college with daddy’s credit card”
The smile he had on his face just barely falls, mostly because he forces it to stay in place. It also stays because he’s frozen mid-step to introduce himself. Instead, he drops his hand and moves around her and starts working. The words swirling in his head all day, making him stay quiet and just do the job. Even when girls flirt with him, he ignores and works through it.
The “You Suck/You Rule” board came to be a few days later and he sucks it up and is civil with Robin over it, gives it his all to be friendly. If only just to make this job easier and so he doesn’t get fired for being rude. It isn’t until Dustin comes back from camp and the whole Russians and drugs on the floor for Robin to say it again
“You were such an asshole…”
He doesn’t fully hear what she says, it’s hard with the ringing in his ears and his brain froze the minute the word came out.
After it all, even with his brain screaming at him to run away to lick in his wounds, he doesn’t. Forces himself to see one of the EMTs and to help Robin find her parents and promises that she can call whenever she needs something. It’s only after that, that he makes his way home to have a breakdown over it all.
Despite it all, he does call Robin and Dustin his best friends. (Probably his only true friends, if he’s honest.) And he regularly hangs out with them, and sometimes drives Dustin and his friends around. It stops only because he and Robin get jobs at Family Video and the kids start high school.
He breathes easier now, he thinks. He’s been out of high school for a while now, hasn’t been “King Steve” since ‘83. Robin and him are close enough now that he doesn’t freeze anymore, only overthinks their friendship a little bit.
Spring Break rolls around and the moment Dustin and Max storm into Family Video, he’s immediately on edge. Doesn’t show it, of course. The whole search for Eddie Munson, he’s on edge.
He can’t tell if it’s because of the upside down or if those words will make itself known, again.
Everything is a blur, to be honest. Especially after he’s dragged under water and choked by the bats. Nothing really processes for him, it should worry him, actually.
What he does remember is thanking Eddie and being called metal and Eddie saying, “I guess I couldn’t accept the fact that Steve Harrington was actually a good dude”
That somehow swirls in his head after and he doesn’t get it. He’s spiraling over it, to be honest. Even if he’s also on autopilot making sure no one dies. After it all, rushing everyone to get their wounds checked and to make sure Max is alive, Eddie’s words are still swirling and he’s still confused.
He thinks about it every single day that he visits Eddie in the hospital. The other man isn’t awake, much like Max. He doesn’t speak much during the visits, too busy in his own head. Sometimes he mumbles the words back to a too-still Eddie, sometimes he questions the words and in turn, questions Eddie. Never getting any answers to his questions.
If he’s being honest, he doesn’t actually want answers. Maybe Eddie didn’t mean it, maybe he was just being nice in the moment. And he doesn’t want to hear Eddie say “thanks for saving me, but you’re still an asshole”
If he heard that, he’d probably break.
So, he stays quiet. Much like all those other times his friends called him an asshole.
Weeks go by and he doesn’t bring it up. Doesn’t even mention anything that happened in the upside down, even after Eddie wakes up and they’re friends now. Even after Max wakes up, nearly three months later.
They all regularly hang out together, including Eddie’s band mates. Who he can tell definitely don’t like him. So when they’re around, he doesn’t even bother Eddie. Even if all he wants to do is be near the metal head. But he can see it on their faces when he does stand close to Eddie, they never say anything in front of him and he can’t tell if he feels better about that or if he’d rather they do say with him near.
Ultimately, he hears the words again and causes him to actually have that breakdown he knew was coming.
It’s like the world hates him. Because he was having a good time, he was starting to actually believe Eddie’s words and was inching his way to the man, and of the places it happens at his house.
He’s sitting on a lounge chair watching Dustin try and fail at pushing Lucas into the water. Eddie’s curled up in the lounge chair pushed next to his, they’re talking about nothing in particular and he’s hyper aware of how close they’re getting right now.
“I don’t know, man, maybe-“ Eddie had started to say when someone else’s voice is louder and catches his attention.
“Oh, I know. Steve’s definitely an asshole”
And he freezes immediately, his body going rigid and growing hot, tears well up in his eyes. He can’t hear anything else and his eyes are blurry now but he has to get away. This is too much, he can’t breathe anymore.
He nearly falls into the pool in his rush to get up and away from everyone. He doesn’t even know who said it, not that it mattered right now. All that matters is getting away, he can’t be near them anymore. Needs to be alone, to breakdown by himself.
Why do it in front of all of them when they so clearly think it’s true?
“Steve’s definitely an asshole” swirls in his head as he forces himself to rush to his room. Clearly, they were just keeping him around as a buffer- because why else would any of them keep him around? Better to let the asshole get beat up instead of kids, right?
He falls onto the floor as soon as his door is shut and let’s out the sob that was stuck in his throat.
~~~~
Well that hurt 🥲
(Part two) (part three) (part four) (part five)
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