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kpop-with-mars · 7 months

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|Ateez X Trans (Ftm) Reader|

{disclaimer; I dont own any gifs used, this is also inspired by @kittensyoonie and their ateez x trans reader so please check them out as well~.}

{Summary: Ateezs reactions to learning that your trans/you coming out to them.}

{Tags; fluff, angst, hurt comfort, just having a silly old time (mostly),}

{⚠Warnings⚠; I haven't had top surgery or any other forms of gender affirming medical care so some things might be wrong. this also might not relate to every trans person so im sorry T^T. Also look out for misgendering, dead naming, transphobia,}

{ Hi guyss I haven't been writing alot cuz I have so many drafts and i've been working on NONE of them T^T, but don't worry I will post them soon once finished. i've got some goodies in the vault so please look forward to them. alot of these scenarios might be pretty dramatic so sorry ✌ but without farther ado you can read now. Enjoy! maybe? idk its up to you - 🃏}

Hongjoong

You were with him on vlive for your 1 year anniversary of being together so you both read atinys questions and blocked disrespectful ones.

hongjoong attached himself on your arm while you read. "Do you look at other idols?!" you read in shock, hongjoong looked directly at you menacingly. you looked away from him "no~" you answered tucking hair behind your ear.

"You better not" he kissed your cheek making you giggle while hongjoong looked at the other questions until he found one.

"Is y/n transgender?".

hongjoong stared curiously at you "yes, im transgender" as soon as you said that, the viewers and comments spiked upward.

"Im so proud of you for coming out, ill always support you" he gave you a gentle peck on your lips before he turned to the camera.

"Atiny, lets all show our support for y/n okay?. if I see anything that doesn't i won't stand for that, this is a space for everyone so lets make it feel like it" he smiled at the camera when he finished.

You both read more questions and felt thankful for the support from atinys, eventually the camera was turned off and when it did, you and him were getting ready for bed when he pulled you into his chest "I can't believe you came out like that, you didn't feel pressured into it right? " he gently stroked your hair.

"I never thought i could do that, but ever since i met you i've felt more like me" he hummed in response before he put his hand on your cheek lifting up your face "I love you~" he cooed "I love you too" he chuckled at your shyness and he hugged your head to his chest.

Seonghwa

You were at home recovering from your top surgery, you felt like tired didn't wanna move from your bed while you hugged your pillow to your chest, until you finally decided to get up and eat.

But as you walked into the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast you heard the front door unlock. you looked at the door wondering if this is the day you die until it opened to seonghwas smiling face.

"Hi honey" he walked up to you and kissed your forehead before he looked you up and down "Did you just wake up?" "No i woke up an hour and a half ago, i just got out of bed tho" he brought his hands up to your face and turned it from side to side "Did you eat yet?" you shook your head "good thing I got you some food" he handed you the food, which you ate in minutes after seonghwa guided the two of you to the table.

"Are you alright y/n?, you seem tired did you get enough sleep?" he bombarded you with questions while rubbing your back. "I feel fine, maybe just about sluggish" "I know im busy alot, but i just wanna know if something happened while I was away, please?" he moved his hand from your back to your free hand.

You decided to tell him "im sorry I didn't tell you sooner but, I got top surgery" seonghwa looked into your eyes waiting for you to explain "because im transgender" you added.

"That's cool, im glad you're okay" he smiled brightly you responed by giving his lips a gentle peck "I love you" you said making eye contact with him "I love you too, my handsome man".

Yunho

You and yunho were looking at pictures from his childhood while he told the stories behind them, alot of them making you laugh.

He was flipping though more photos when he paused "what?, what is it?" you asked him and he turned his head to you. "I don't think i've seen your baby photos before, have i?" he tilted his head to the side with curiosity in his eyes.

You didn't know what to tell him other then lying "Well i- um" you stammered "You're not embarrassed about them, right?." yunho asked when he noticed how anxious you were getting.

"Yeah, a little bit" you took a deep breath, you pulled out you're phone and showed him a picture of you as a kid. he looked at for a moment then smiled "I don't see any problem with it" yunho said with confusion.

You scrolled through your phone until you found one from prom, and you showed it to yunho. He took in the photo he was seeing before he responed "Oh, oh, you looked..." he had an awkward smile on his face "What" you asked knowing exactly what he was gonna say, until he said something you haven't heard.

"You just don't look happy in that picture, and i don't like it" he put his hand on your back. "I like who you are now because I know that you're happier this way" yunho wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into one of his special hugs.

You would cry but yunho made you too happy to, that's what you loved most about him, and that's what he loves most about you.

Yeosang

You and yeosang started working out together, nothing more sexy then seeing a muscle-y yeosang with an extra shine on his skin.

After more grueling exercise the two of you were taking a break and eating lunch together. "t-that was...alot to say the lest" he wiped sweat from his forehead with a rag and drank his shake.

"Yeah, I think im all worked out for the day" you smiled at him, mean while your sleeveless shirt puffed out and yeosang couldn't help but look "woah-" he admired your toned arms and chest, making you straighten yourself up and cross your arms over your chest.

"It's no secret your totally hot, even with scars" he laughed "Wait what scars??" yeosang made a confused face "the ones on your chest?"

"What- I don't-" "but you do?" he was getting concerned about the way you were suddenly so defensive. "Are you getting self conscious about yourself?-" "no it's just-" you felt you'd just ruined this nice day working out with yeosang by making him upset.

Yeosang came up to you and held your hand "What's wrong honey?" he asked in a sweet but worried tone making your heart sting a bit. but that made you realize this was stupid to keep from him.

"Those scars on my chest..." he looked intently at you "they're from top surgery... im transgender" yeosang pulled you into a hug while he stroked your muscles "that's nice. Im glad you're happy with who you are" he looked at you and gave your lips a quick kiss "and with me~"

You and him laughed about it and continued on with lunch "oh y/n!, can I see your abs again?...please?" his confidence faded to embarrassment when he asked, this caught you off guard but this was at KQ's gym after all, might as well give him some fan service.

"Sure" you lifted up your tank top for him, making him choke on his food for a second. you asking if he's okay until he answered "im fine...but not as fine as you~" you laughed at yeosang's cheesy pick up line and enjoyed the rest of the day with your boyfriend.

San

San was having the best day of his life when you came out wearing some of his clothes, the way his clothes looked so baggy on you made him feel like he had to protect you at any cost.

"Cute~" was the only thing he could say in awe as he stared at you, you gave him a little spin "All of your stuff is so comfy~ it was hard to choose which to wear" you went up to him and threw your arms around his waist and hugged him tightly.

He pet your hair lightly "ill let you wear anything of mine if it makes you happy" he stroked your cheek and kissed your forehead. "Are you ready now?" you nodded your head and san began to walk you through the bouncy choreography.

The two of you were having a fun time and laughed whenever you made a mistake, or when he did. he was showing you how to go down for the chorus. "Then we do that for one, two, three, four. got it?" he demonstrated for you while he spoke "yeah I think so" san nodded then played it for you.

You started going down with the beats while san counted. but even though the shirt you were wearing provided some good ventilation, it was going down your chest more and more with each move.

"Oh-" san laughed out and paused the music. you laughed too with him and the shirt was falling off, revealing most of your chest. san noticed this and smirked when he walked toward you then noticed your scars. "What are those?" he pointed to your chest and you looked down.

"Oh" you pulled up your shirt "those are top surgery scars" san nodded then he suddenly got a look of surprise on his face "you're transgender!?" you put a thumbs up and smiled "Ooo that's cool, like pungja right? but just the other way around?" You nodded.

San picked you up in his arms and lifted you "no wonder you have such a feminine body" he teased you and ruffled your hair "That's why I kinda like wearing your clothes, they're good at hiding it when I want to" you giggled he squeezed you tightly.

"Well like I said, ill let you wear anything of mine if it makes you happy~" he kissed your cheek and put you down. "Alright now since you wanna know how, let me show you right now~".

Mingi

Mingi had took you with him and the members while touring around, he really needed cuddles after performing his heart out and you were his stress reliever.

He walked into the hotel room and you were on your phone and he went straight to the shower after greeting you, having been covered in sweat while you waited quietly for him on the bed.

He came out of the bathroom with his pajamas on and his hair wet. you opened your arms out to him "come here princess~" you understood how tired he was and he flopped down on your side, his head on your shoulder as his hands moved around your body.

He was obviously much taller then you but he felt so small hugging your body. "I love you~" you told him and kissed his forehead while your hand held the back of his head. "I love-" mingi froze when his hand reached a small long bump on your chest, his sleepy eyes widened a bit.

You chuckled lightly at his reaction and you held his cheeks "those are just scars. im transgender, I used to be a woman so I got surgery to get a flat chest" you explained and he nodded "That's cool~ are you happy?" he asked in a deep sleepy voice. "Of course I am. im even more happy with myself after I met you~" you kissed him lightly on the lips.

He gave you his gummy smile and he cuddled you closer to your body, laying his head against your collarbone. you turned your body to him and wrapped your arms around his head and back.

"I love you" his voice was muffled against your chest. "I love you too princess~" he smiled and you turned the lamp off and the two of you fell asleep. your princess finally getting the sleep he needed while knowing you're happy.

Wooyoung

"Come on babe!, let's go to the beach-each what they gonna say~" you heard him sing from down the hall while you were getting ready. you and wooyoung decided to go on a beach date when he had a break from promoting, and now that day was here.

You hurriedly searched for a swim shirt of any kind but to your dismay you couldn't find one. "im coming!" you threw on a shirt and run out the door with wooyoung.

At the beach you and wooyoung ate lunch that the two of you prepared together, after wooyoung finished he threw his shirt off and on your towels and booked it to the water, "Come on y/n!, let's cool off!" He yelled for you when he was in the water.

You grimaced nervously and walked over to the shore, you sat down and brought your legs to your chest. you felt the water lightly brush your feet. wooyoung raised his eyebrow at you "is something wrong babe?" he was confused by your actions.

"N-No.." you denied, but you knew wooyoung would keep pressing you til you dropped dead so you stood up and took your shirt off. you stepped into the water near wooyoung.

"See~, its not so-" he noticed your scars. "Babe?!, did something attack you in the water??. Is that why you were nervous?" he quickly stepped up to you and took your hands.

You chuckled lightly "No... im just transgender" you smile feeling your unease drip away. "Oh, well of course that's alright dummy" he hit your shoulder lightly. "I love you~" he said in a cheesy tone. "I love you too~"

He pecked your lips "I've never actually been to the beach without a shirt on sense surgery, i just get kinda nervous you know?" you admitted while the two of you were in calif deep in the water.

He smiled sweetly "I understand but lets not worry~. I promised to give you some of my confidence when we started dating..." he took a short pause to look in your eyes before he gave you a big smile "so come on lets go have fun!" He dragged you further into the water while the two of you laughed.

Jongho

A sudden knock interrupted your thoughts while in a cracked voice you said "Come in". the door opened to jongho's handsome face making you straighten up and try to make it look like you weren't crying.

"I was told you weren't feeling alright" he explained himself and sat next to you giving you a kiss on the cheek. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he looked at you with pleading eyes.

He held your hand in his squeezing it gently until you gave in and started tearing up again, "If -i was different back when I was younger, would you still love me?" he stayed silent allowing you to continue. "I know I shouldn't care what people think, but i don't feel like ill be- anything to anyone, really. I hate how people looked at me---and still look at me---especially because I knew what they were thinking"

you took in some more fresh air and wiped some tears before jongho spoke "Why would people ever judge you?". you responded "because I didn't want to be what they wanted" he thought on that for a moment before he asked another "What did they want you to be?" his voice held nothing gentleness and compassion, instantly you felt safer.

"A girl they could control" you put your face on his shoulder and lightly sobbed, jongho wrapped his arms around you and helped control your breathing. he held you in his warm chest for awhile, until you pulled away.

"You don't have to deal with this alone, okay?... I'm sorry you didn't feel safe telling me before but," he paused for a minute and held out his pinky "Let's get through this together now, promise" you let out a light chuckle and interlocked pinkies with him.

His arms snaked around you while you held him tightly hoping to never release, jongho turned your head to him and he gave you a kiss you'd been dieing to get. his lips fit onto yours like a puzzle piece, and like a puzzle you were complete.

{Hi guyss~, I sadly couldn't finish my hongjoong x trans reader one shot I was writing for his birthday so ill be working on it and ill post it when its done or just work on some other fics, speaking of them ill probably do some sort of poll or vote for these other fics I really wanna write so that I know what y'all will wanna see next~~. I got inspired by @kittensyoonie I read their ateez x trans reader thing and I was inspired by them to write this. So thank you to them and also read theirs!. - 🃏}

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drifloonz · 2 months

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I also wanna see hcs of Steven with an autistic reader (dating hcs ig, I'm also a Strangled Red simp and I'm autistic)

remember me. im alive . Im here to heal the drought . i am too tired mentally to do the whole format shebang maybe ill dress it up when i wake up ( it is currently 6:21 am for me and im not tired yet )

Actually i dont think i do anything that extra or fancy with my formatting other than the title which i added right now. so . Enjoy

steven x autistic reader!

♡ he's autistic as well ... like that "I hate people" type'a autism. at least nowadays! i think he used to have trouble with volume and tone before the incident and just generally get easily overwhelmed... and either freeze or start to go on a walk to take his mind off of things. stuff like that.

♡ He's also insanely autistic about battle strategies and its his special interest of sorts . like... not that much, he did ( in my interpretation and what is kind of implied? ) sweep everything with miki because she's a special charizard who just kind of. Is stronger in all ways.

♡ BUT! i think i mean this in the more pokeani style of battles - he's crafty and very observant of his surroundings and how to "Cheat" battles with it. wink

♡ anyways yeah autistic reader . hi . You came for dating hcs right .

♡ he tends to just live in his house, lurking, stalking, barely moving out of bed to eat - so you might have to help him with that. ... buuuut, if you're similar, then you two will simply just sit in bed staring at the ceiling all day . napstablook core

♡ he hasn't had much stimulation outside of taking care of his basic needs and like. i'unno. being alive in general. so if you have an interest he isn't too aware of, he's always very happy to listen.

♡ he's an extremely good listener- he'll be nodding and mostly silent, but he may ask questions once he's more comfortable with you. he is actively trying to engage with your interests, although his own autism makes his tone a little stagnant- if he sounds uninterested, it's not intentional. his voice just comes off like that.

♡ he particularly likes games and music although the interests and energy for them have wavered a lot for him personally - so if your interests align with those sorts of things, he'll definitely be on board. you being into something in a genre he used to like definitely gives him enough energy to try again.

♡ this eventually does end up with him having more energy to engage with things that used to give him joy in a similar way . mostly playing games... like, a pokemon stadium or battle revolution game if those existed in-universe? because he can't exactly uh. Battle for real anymore without hurting those around him. of course, he always has charizard on his teams front and center. it's not Her. but, it'll suffice as long as he distracts himself.

♡ truly, it's just like this. introduce things to him and he'll be eager to try or listen or talk to you about them.

♡ if you get overwhelmed anywhere, he is quick to move you out of the area and also maybe take away the overwhelming Element. if it's a person, well. he'll just basically glare at them. a silent 'Fuck Off'

♡ also he will personally appreciate it if you get him more clothes. having just a few sets is fine for his depression, but the more he realizes it, the fabric feels awful sometimes. mainly, his trainer outfit he usually goes outside with - it's very worn and torn and the material was always a little cheap... if you get him a replacement, he'll be all the happier for it.

♡ he'd also give the old one to you if you cared about that sort of thing, but he'd be tentative because. well. it's worn and torn...?

♡ unless you fix it up and sew it somehow. that'd be nice. Im getting offtrack

♡ if you draw, write, or do creative things - he's always happy to see them. he likes to simply wrap his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder as he looks at what you're doing now and again... it's, calming? like, really calming. to be honest, he could do that forever and ever.

♡ until you two get hungry of course. but, until then.

♡ he does also of course engage and ask about things like your OCs ( if you have them ), worlds, writing, dynamics, headcanons - anything, everything.

♡ generally things like this are what he's happiest with . watching something with you or watching you do something as he lays back and relaxes. seeing you enjoy the things you like makes him feel a lot better even though its something so simple .

♡ ... S!3v3n is also similar, he's just much more quiet- basically nonverbal - about how he goes about it. those red eyes will always be watching intently though .

_____

sorry if these were barebones i didnt rlly know what to Go off of but yeah . he is autistic too !!!! the Tismry

#wispy writes #steven strangled red #steven strangled red x reader #strangled red x reader

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greatpestilenz · 11 months

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Come Back - Miles Morales x Reader

-Just a lazy little fanfic i wrote bc i was bored wbk

-I just love miles sm, he looks like my bf and im so so so in love on goddddd

In the days following the breakup with Miles, you tried to avoid him at school. One day, while walking in the halls, a student accidentally knocked into you, sending you towards the ground. Without hesitation, Miles caught you in his arms. “You okay?” He asks. Despite the breakup, the care and love between you two remained evident, making it difficult to move on completely. However, he felt compelled to end the relationship, citing his reason as being for your safety.

You aggressively pull yourself away from him and dust your clothes. "I'm fine." You reply curtly and turn to leave. Miles grabs you by the hand to stop you.

He’s surprised by your aggressive reaction. “Wow… I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay!” He looks a bit hurt, but tries his best to hide it. “You can try being nicer, y’know.” He still sounds mostly playful, but there’s a slight edge to his tone.

He doesn’t let go of your hand.

"I'll be nicer if you hadn't broken up with me for no reason." You furrowed your brows and try to pull your hand away.

He gives a little huff in annoyance, still smiling. “This again… I didn’t break up with you for no reason. I did it for your safety, and you know that.” He still holds your hand, though he doesn’t tug at it. His eyes are calm with slight annoyance.

"Safety.." You roll my eyes. "Yeah right." His smile fades, and there’s a slight twitch of annoyance at your tone.

“Oh come on, I told you already. Me being Spider-Man was putting you in danger, and I needed to protect you.”

He still refuses to let go of your hand, and in fact tightens the grip a little.

"What does that protect? If someone already knew you were dating me, what would stop them from getting to me? It doesn't matter if we're still together or not, I've locked my fate." You try to pull away again.

“I can’t believe I actually have to explain this again…” He pulls you closer as much you try to pull away, then takes a deep breath and looks at you directly in the eyes. “It’s about the risk. Sure, someone will always find a way to hurt you if they really want to, but if they know we’re still dating, it’s one more reason for them to go after you…”

"Yeah. Okay. Whatever." You say quickly and try to pull away once again.

“No. Not ‘whatever.’” he says, still not letting go. He holds onto your hand, and looks at you intensely.

“I get that you’re angry with me, and you have every reason to be, but at least just try to understand me. For me, okay?”

"Sure." You say and escape from his grasp and walk away without another word.

He lets you go, and starts to follow you. “You know… the least you could give me is a thank you.” He calls out to you, though his tone is a bit annoyed. He catches up to you quite quick, and stops in front of you. “Seriously, you don’t get how annoying it is when you won’t listen to me.”

You turn to him abruptly. "Fine. Thank you. For breaking my heart." You turn away again and Miles follows.

He’s still annoyed, of course, and lets out an annoyed chuckle at your ‘thank you’. But he follows closely, getting closer to you. “I still love you, you know.”

"Good for you." You say without looking at him, still walking along the halls of the campus.

“I’m serious.” He says sternly. “Why do you think I broke up with you?” He’s walking alongside you still, keeping a close distance. He’s trying to get you to look at him.

"Because 'you want to protect me'." You say mockingly. "Protect me my ass. Only thing you protected me from is not getting heartbroken."

The edge he was trying to hide before finally shows. His eyes narrow and his teeth grit. “You’re really selfish sometimes… I’m just trying to help you…” He says, still trying to mask the annoyance in his voice.

"Selfish how? Miles I loved you! And you leave me just like that?" You turn towards him aggressively, tears pouring out of your eyes and your voice quivering.

His eyes widen, and his gaze softens again. His face is still annoyed, but you can see guilt in his eyes, and his lips form a slight frown, trying to hold back his words. “I know. I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry, but… I thought it was best for you. You knew how dangerous my life as Spider-Man was. I didn’t feel right about putting you into more danger.”

"Well you got what you want. I'm out of trouble now. Leave me alone." You glare at him, wiping your tears. "If you're gonna break up with me then you might as well keep your distance from me." Miles takes a deep breath.

You can see Miles’ face fill with emotions. Anger, confusion- but it’s replaced by surprise. As he brushes your arm, his gaze immediately shifts to his hand. His fingers slightly close onto your arm, and once again he grabs onto your hand, unwilling to let go again. “I… I’m sorry, but…” he trails off.

"But what, Miles? What more is there?" You huff, tears still pouring out unable to stop.

“I love you.” He says, not even bothering to keep it hidden, and it shows on his face. “I love you, and…”

He’s still not letting go of your hand, but he wants to say more.

You stay quiet, waiting for him to finish.

His voice is soft, but you can still hear the emotions in him. “I’ve been stupid, okay? I thought I was doing it for your sake, but it was for me, and I know it was selfish of me, but… I just couldn’t stay away from you.”

"And you call me selfish." You furrowed your brows at him again.

He sighs, and his grip on your hand tightens even more. “It’s not just because I love you.” He says. “It’s because I can’t live with myself, knowing that I’m not there to protect you, okay? I feel like if we try again, then someone will come after you again. Someone will hurt you.” He looks at you intensely.

"Then let's not." You finally say. "Let me go, Miles. If you're not willing to stay with me despite the circumstances, then let me move on." You wipe your tears away.

He doesn’t let go, and his voice is still soft. “No. You don’t understand, if anything happens to you, if you get hurt or get captured… I can’t forgive myself.” You can see genuine worry and fear on his face.

"We've broken up. Isn't that enough for you? You can keep me safe or whatever from a distance and I'll try to move on and meet other people." You swallow the lump in your throat, tears threatening to fall again.

“No it’s not enough. I can’t stand it.” There’s desperation in his voice. “I know you’re only trying to do what’s best for both of us. But I just can’t do it. I won’t be able to stand it if something happens to you.” He tries to move closer to you, but you’re holding your ground firm.

"Miles." You said, your voice stern. "You broke up with me to 'protect me'. You broke my heart. Let me go. It's over."

His voice cracks. “I don’t care,” he says fiercely. “I still love you, and I’m not letting you go just because I broke your heart.” Once again, he tries to move closer. He looks at you intensely, his grip on your hand tightens.

"If someone after you sees us, I'm just gonna get in trouble. Let. Me. Go. I want to move on."

“I’m sorry, but…” There’s no doubt in your mind that Miles could just take you, if he wanted to. He’s still not letting go. His voice still soft, with desperate glances through his eyes.

He’s not budging.

"But what?? What do you want from me??" You say, anger starting to rise. "Miles, you're confusing me! What exactly do you want??"

“I… I want to get back together,” he whispers desperately, refusing to let go of you. “I want a second chance. I want you. I want to be with you.”

"S.. Second chance? Second chance??? I begged for you to stay and you still broke my heart!"

There’s a slight hint of panic in his eyes, but he still refuses to let go of you. “Okay, look, I know I broke your heart, and I messed up badly.” He takes a deep breath. “I just realized too late that breaking up with you wasn’t what I wanted, okay? Even if there’s still a chance that someone comes after you, I want to be there again, with you.”

"Give it up. I want to move on." Tears start falling again. "You're confusing me. I'm scared.."

The words and emotions hit him hard. “Scared? Of me?” He says, and his grip slackens a bit. “But why?”

He stops trying to force you to look at him, and it’s clear to you that he’s trying to calm you down.

"I don't know what you want... You break up with me but keep chasing after me.. Now you want to get back together? What do you want, Miles? What happens if we get back together and something happens? What then? You're gonna break up with me again?"

“No.” The answer’s immediate. “No, no way. Whatever happens, I won’t break up with you ever again.”

He’s quiet for a second, looking at the ground and thinking. “I can’t promise that you won’t get involved with my hero stuff still, but… I’ll be sure to protect you a lot better.” He then looks up again. “I won’t break up with you ever again, no matter what.”

"You promised me you'll never leave me. But you broke it. And now you want to come back and hurt me again?"

It’s clear that your words sting him. He wants to argue, to tell you that it was for your own sake, but he remains silent for a bit. “I was stupid, okay? I thought being with you was putting you in danger, and not gonna lie, I still think that. But…” He sighs. “I don’t ever want to hurt you again.”

“I don’t know what else to say except that… I love you.”

"Give it up.. Please... I don't want to do this anymore." You pull away and crouch down, your hands cover your face as you cry.

His lips curve down, and his jaw clenches tightly at the sight of your tears. “Come on, no, you can’t do this to me. You can’t just ignore me after everything we’ve been through. We can’t just be strangers after that, I refuse.” He puts his hands on his knees to get closer to you again, wanting to comfort you.

"I can't do this anymore, Miles. I can't take it.. I can't deal with the pain."

He takes a deep breath. “Then let me help ease the pain.” He doesn’t take time to think, and he pulls you into a hug. He doesn’t say anything, but his arms close around you, and you can feel his heat close to you.

“I can’t let you go, I just… I can’t. I love you.”

You sob into his chest, unable to contain the emotions. His heart races. He knows that you’re struggling, and he doesn’t want that for you. His arms squeeze you tighter, and he doesn’t know what else to do besides stay quiet and let you take your time. “I’m sorry it had to be like this; I’m still not sure what to say, but my words won’t change how I feel.” He strokes the back of your head and whispers in your ear, his voice gentle.

“I love you.”

"I l-loved you.. s-so much... And you hurt me... You don't know how many nights I spent crying over you!" You cry and softly hit his chest with your fist.

He closes his eyes tightly, knowing that his words won’t ever mend what he did. In fact, he’s unsure if he should even say anything. But he decides it’s best to be upfront about it. “I know I broke your heart. I know I hurt you. I’m sorry, okay? But please,” he starts to choke with emotion. “I need you to understand that I thought I was doing it for your benefit. It broke my heart knowing I could never come back.” He pulls you closer again, holding you tight.

You continued to cry in his chest not saying anything. You were tired.

He rubs small comforting circles on your back. “If you can’t forgive me, that’s okay, but I can’t let go of you. I love you too much for that. We’ve been through so much together, and I don’t want all of that to go to waste when I’m still so in love with you.” His voice is calm and quiet again, despite his emotions. “So, please…” His eyes look up at you. “Stay with me.”

You don't reply, only your sobs echo through the now empty halls. The bell had rang long ago leaving the both of you alone. His grip still hasn’t loosened. He’s never felt so desperate than right now, his emotions clouding his judgement.

“You’re still crying. Can you at least look at me?” he asks softly, wanting to see your face.

“Look at me.”

You shake your head no in his chest, refusing to look at him.

“Then at least touch me back. Please.” Again, his tone is soft and calm, as if he is in complete control but there is desperation in his voice. Desperate to be with you again. Desperate for any chance you’re willing to give him, to take him back. All the same, he doesn’t push you away again, waiting for your next move.

You grab the shirt on his shoulder and say nothing, only your sobs resounded.

His arm wraps around you, holding you close to his chest once again. The hug’s much tighter this time around, almost as if he doesn’t want you to escape from his grasp. “I need you to know,” he whispers into your ear. “I still love you, and I don’t know what I would do without you.”

"We have to get to class..." You whisper and try to pull away.

“Class can wait.” He sounds more confident when he says that, and even as you try to pull away, his grip’s strong, and he’s not letting you go anytime soon. “I’m not letting you go, okay? I’ll come to your class with you.” You’re almost certain he doesn’t care if he gets in trouble right now as long as you agree to stay with him.

"Miles, we’re late for class.." You whisper softly, sobbing quietly.

He sighs, his grip loosens and he finally lets you go. “Fine, I’ll come to class with you.”

He stands up and offers you a hand, but his eyes are still glued to your face. “You’re still coming home with me tonight, right?” Again, he’s not trying to hide it—this time, he’s desperate you say yes.

"Why..?"

“Why? Why do I want you to come home with me tonight?” He scratches his head. “Hmmm… I wonder why.”

He chuckles softly to himself. “Because I’m lonely. Because I miss your company. Because there’s someone I want to see tonight. No one else understands me the way you do. And I don’t want to be lonely tonight.”

He looks at you intently. “I have no one else but you.”

You look away, tears glistening in your eyes.

“Please, say yes… I can’t be alone tonight.” He looks almost helpless, like he needs you to come with him. “You’re the only one who understands me, and that’s why I need you.” His voice sounds desperate, but the look in his eyes is sincere, like he isn’t manipulating you to feel this way. Or perhaps, that’s what’s making you think twice.

You don't reply and continue avoiding eye contact.

He takes a step closer to you, and for a second, you think he’s about to take your hand again. But instead, he places it under your chin, slowly turning your head towards him. “Please. I… I care for you. I love you, and… I just.” He stares at you, lost for words. “Don’t you think I need you as much as you need me? If you say no, then… I don’t know what to do with myself.”

There was a quiet pause between the two of you until you finally speak up.

"Okay.." You say and look away again.

Miles breathes a sigh of relief. He’s glad that you’re even willing to consider it at this point.

“Then let’s go.” He holds your hand this time, and starts walking towards class, still not taking any chances.

He doesn’t say anything else, and for a moment, neither do you. But eventually, he breaks the silence.

“I won’t break your heart again, okay?”

#fanfic #fanfic writing #x reader #spider-man: across the spider-verse #miles morales #miles morales x reader

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notmyprey · 2 months

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I hope it’s ok if I send another ask. I really liked how you answered my first one.

anyway what do you think about humanoid preds. Like nagas or centaurs or merfolk? There’s plenty of other half animal ones or even just anthros. I myself like half humans cause then you can mess with familiar anatomy. Whoops rambled myself.

Hope you’re having a nice day!

Goodness, sorry for taking so long to reply!!! Im always more than happy to answer asks!!!!

Personally, I tend to prefer preds that are mostly human shape, or vaguely human, but altered a bit. So, for instance, giants, gods, monsters that resemble humans until they open their mouth and they unfold into a terrifying creature, or things that are mostly humans, but have to hide some part of them with clothes or makeup/special effects to look human (like extra mouth or eyes that are blood red), etc.

I think I like em its cause I kinda accidentally tend to give them ~abandonment issues~ but I think thats a me mental issue so- moving on!

On the topic of specifically half animal preds, though, I think they can be good. I just think some are overused, specifically normal nagas.

But if they are altered/different, I tend to like them better. Like, for instance, I have a character idea for a naga who can heal by eating ppl. They only have one stomach, which is in their human half, but its not the thing that can heal. Their intestines do.

They also dont eat normal food, so the intestines aren't full of gross stuff. And they have a mouth like opening on the tip of their tail that sits along the spine that opens to let the prey out, so none of the uhm, ya know... stuff....

(side note: not that ppl cant like that stuff, or that those who do are bad or anything. I just personally have sensory and ~other~ issues that make it an uncomfortable topic for me).

Another thing is that technically, the naga is able to get the prey out of their intestines without waiting for them to get to the tip of their tail, but it causes severe internal bleeding for them when forcing them back up.

But it makes the naga and prey think abt- is this injury worth it for them to sit in (the nagas) intestines for a few hours?

I also have a character in that story who has an issue with letting people help them, along with their claustrophobia. So after getting drastically injured (their spine breaks) they are gulped down by the naga. After maybe 10 minutes they're healed, and are now fully conscious. But they are getting claustrophobic, and end up lashing out and stabbing the naga with their knife (from inside ofc). That causes the naga to force them back up, causing the naga to be hurt now both from internal bleeding and a knife wound.

Dw, things work out fine, apologies and bandaids help.

But ya! Half humans are fun!! Love em!!

#safe vore #sfw vore #soft vore

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lunamothwrites · 1 year

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Anonymous asks Hi! I was wondering if I could request an Anakin X reader? Maybe something where the reader gets hurt in a battle and Anakin panics and stays by her side?

Stay Close

Anakin x reader

You were surrounded.

The sound of blasters and light sabers in action ringing in your ears. You were holding your own fairly well. Heart pumping wildly you swung your light saber in arcs hitting blasters before they could burn you. You could feel the exhaustion creeping into your body. Anakin was nowhere too be seen.

You an Anakin were a team on the battle field, you always fought together, You were more powerful together. So fighting right now without Anakin protecting your back. You weren’t as sure of yourself as you should have been.

“Anakin!” You shout out for him, slashing your saber down at a clone. If he responded you couldn’t hear, the swarm of clones closing in on you was the only thing you could hear. Panic started to set in. “ Anakin!” You shout again You movements becoming panicked and sloppy. Your defenses were too weak and you felt a sharp burning running up your leg. A robots blaster hit the back of your calf. You hiss in pain still trying to fight off the clones, they were relentless.

“Y/N!” You heard a familiar voice through the buzzing of your ears. Your head shot up to look for it. Another sharp pain hit your dominant arm. your grip on your lightsaber slackened. Your vision went blurry and your ears started ringing more then they already were.

Anakin could sense the pain you were in a bolted towards you. Raising his hand to force throw the clones away from your crumbling figure. Anakin rushed to your side, surprisingly you were still on your feet. You looked up to Anakin with panicked eyes. Anakin puts his hand on the small of your back. “Lets get to the cruiser, the others can handle the rest.” You strained to hear him over the buzzing in your ears. You nodded and started limping along side Anakin.

“Stay close too me” Anakin said near my ear as we made our way across the battle field. When clones got in our path Anakin slashed them down with ease and continued helping you to the cruiser.

You hadn’t even tried to look down at your leg. Too scared to see the damage but you had seen your arm. You would definitely have a narly scar on your upper arm. The pain was making your head spin. Worried you weren’t gonna make it too the ship you gripped Ani’s shoulder a littler tighter with your uninjured arm.

He look down at you and saw how much pain you were in and how woozy you looked. It filled him with rage. Not at you of course but with the people that started this battle. They would pay for this Anakin thought as he gently picked you up and carried you the rest of the way to the cruiser.

Sometime later

You woke up too the bright fluorescent lights above you and a soft snoring from somewhere beside you. You blinked a few times clearing your vision and sat up remembering what had happened on the battle field you assessed you injuries but they were already mostly healed just as you suspected a scar running along your upper arm. You looked down to see Anakin’s sitting in a chair next to your bed with his hand in yours and his cheek pressed against the bed sleeping.

You smiled at his calm face. He looked so peaceful. His eyebrows relaxed and his lips in a slight pout. With your free hand you moved the piece of hair that was covering his eyes gently. He stirred. He mumbled something you couldn’t quite make out but it made you giggle nonetheless. At this Anakin’s eyes shot open and he quite literally jumped from his seat. “You awake!” He said a little to loudly. His hands immediately went to you and gently pushed your shoulders back down.

“Ani” you laughed a little. “ im fine. I can sit up” you say sitting back up. He put his hands on both sides of my face. “Im so sorry y/n. I should have stayed by your side- this is all my fault if i wasn’t so hot headed-“ you put your finger on his lips shutting him up and you smiled up at him.

“Ani, its not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for things that can happen in any battle.” You put your hand on his cheek. He sighed and closed his eye leaning into your hand. “I never want to see you like that ever again y/n. Ever.” He said sternly looking into your eyes. You smile and nod not trusting your voice.

You pat the space beside you for him. “lay with me please?” You look up at him pleadingly. He nods and ever so gently get in beside you. You lay facing each other for a second. You laid there staring at him not wanting to fall asleep just yet but your eyes were betraying you. “Get some rest y/n.” He whispered as he laid his arm around you waist and pulled you against him. You release a tired breath and put your head on his warm chest and let sleep settle over you.

A/n i hope this did your request justice! It was fun to write i love love Anakin!<3

p.s I am taking requests I have a list of characters I write for pinned on my page so don’t be shy send some ideas! Im open to anything<3 mwah mwah thanks for reading:)

#anakin fanfiction #anakin imagine #anakin x you #anakin skywalker #star wars #anakin x reader #clone wars anakin #clone wars #revenge of the sith #phantom menace

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arkhamknightz · 2 years

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i didn’t mean it

↳ in which, after a bad week you’re feeling extra clingy and get into a fight with steve

pronouns: they/them

warnings: death mention, angst, asshole steve but he doesnt really mean it, bad written angst, happy ending everyone is happy kinda mostly

notes: i love like hurt fics like this and wanted to make one move over i will probably make a billion of these. also this was rushed Smile

you had been dealing with a lot. a close friend yours hadn’t seen in months had passed away and with everything with the upside down going on you had been stressed out. your boyfriend steve had been busy as well, you hadn’t seen him for the last two weeks getting nothing but short calls whenever either of you had free time.

steve’s smile slowly faded as you cuddled into him for the 5th time in the last 3 minutes, seemingly trying to get closer to him than you already were. (if that was even possible.) he usually wouldve loved the attention, throwing his arm around you and pressing against you. but, he had gotten into a few arguments with some customers today, leaving him upset.

as you went to lay your head on his chest in a different position due to your neck starting to hurt. he pushed away, and you looked at him curiously. “is everything okay?” something inside him suddenly snapped. “why the hell are you being so clingy? god i don’t need you rubbing all over me every 5 seconds.”

the small smile plastered on your face slowly faded, his words sinking into your skin like tiny needles. “what? im not being clingy a-” he cut you off. “oh cut the bullshit. you’ve barely let go of me since you got here. if i knew you were gonna be this clingy today i wouldve told you i was busy again.”

his words felt like venom. “we haven’t spent time together in weeks?” you looked at him teary eyed. you weren’t sure if it was the look in your were giving him or the mention of your lack of time spent together but he quickly spoke up. “that doesn’t automatically mean cling onto me like some sort of lost puppy! god, cant you just stay off me for 5 minutes?”

without speaking you quickly got up off the couch, tears streaming down your face faster than you could notice. you slipped on your slippers and got in your car. steve quickly getting up to stop you. “wait no i didnt mean it-” but you were already gone.

—

“steve hey! whats going on you look like shit.” robin spoke as he walked into work. “nothing don’t worry.” it had been 3 days since you and steve fought, he tried calling your house but nobody ever picked up the phone.

“oh um alright well theres a pile of tapes that need to be stocked- oh, before i forget tell y/n im sorry about their loss, they must’ve taken the news so hard i mean i only recently found out but-” steve furrowed his brow as she spoke. “what do you mean?” robin looked at him. “you didnt hear? um you remember their friend they had invited to their birthday?”

steve nodded. you grew up an hour outside of hawkins, moving in during 8th grade year. you invited your best friend from your hometown to your birthday where they met all your friends. “well um, they passed away recently.” steve’s face fell. “how long ago was this?” robin sat for a moment. “by now? almost 2 weeks id say.” “shit!” robin looked at steve as he frantically paced around the room.

“whats wrong?” steve looked up at robin, guilt flooded on his features. “me and y/n got in a fight 3 days ago. i was really pissed off cause of those customers who came in and they were all over me the entire time they were over. i mean usually i wouldve been fine with it but i was so pissed off i yelled at them.” his voice got smaller as robin looked at him angrily.

“you didn’t think to fix this steve? god you’re such an asshole- ill cover for you. i don’t wanna hear anything come out of your mouth until you fix what you did. now go.” steve nodded in thanks, quickly running out the store to his car.

he stopped in front of your house, quickly turning off his car and walking to your front door nervously. he knocked on the door and took in your appearance as you opened it. your eyes were swollen, tear stains clearly covering your cheeks. your hair had been styled the way you usually had it when you were feeling lazy.

he pulled you into a tight hug. “im so sorry. im so sorry i didn’t mean it. didn’t mean a single thing i said to you.” his heart ached as your shoulders shook, your grip tightening around him as you cried.

“im so sorry. i heard what happened, im so sorry i wasnt there for you. im sorry it took me so long to come see you, i tried calling but i knew you probably didn’t wanna see me.” he rubbed your back as you cried into his chest. he pressed small kisses to your forehead, continuing to hold onto you tightly.

he heard a muffled. “shouldn’t you be at work?” he chuckled. “robins covering for me. i needed to come see you, can i come in?” you nodded against his chest and he ushered you inside, pulling you close to him on the couch letting you cry.

“i didn’t mean what i said about you being clingy. i was having a rough day, customers were being assholes and i took it out on you and im sorry about that. i cant imagine how you must feel and i never thought to ask you what was wrong and thats my fault. i should’ve noticed.”

you went to speak but he cut you off. “i love how touchy you are, i love getting to cuddle you after work. and im sorry i’ve been so busy the past two weeks with my job. i promise ill try to spend as much time with you as i can alright?” he spoke softly to you. he smiled softly as you lifted your head, letting out a small nod.

“i love you.”

“i love you too.”

“im sorry.”

“was i really being that clingy?”

steve looked at you and saw the sad look on your face. it had hit you harder than he had realized and he took your hands in his, looking at you as he spoke.

“i love you. okay? look at me, i promise you weren’t being clingy. not at all. im just an asshole who took my anger out on you and im sorry. i love how much you touch me, i love how in the car even if we aren’t holding hands properly your pinky’s linked with mine. i love all the little things you do.”

you nodded up at steve with tears brimming in your eyes. he pulled you into a hug and you both sat there in silence. “wanna finish that movie?” he looked down at you. “mmhm”

#steve harrington i love you so badly #steve harrington my beloved #steve harrington angst #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #stranger things angst #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagines #joe keery x reader #joe keery #joe keery angst #joe keery fanfiction

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fruchtfleisch-art · 1 year

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i hope im not too late. microfic prompt request: whenever you're around, i never know how to act. woman, just what did you do to me?

This one got... strange... I started thinking about the transformative power of love, read a few Glen Cook short stories, remembered I had half-jokingly made a Black Company AU where Kira is a giant vampire wereleopard, and got the maddening urge to write about transformation in a more literal sense.

That is quite a journey! I hope this turned out enjoyable, or at least semi-coherent, haha.

Kirashino microfic #5/?: "Whenever you're around, i never know how to act. Woman, just what did you do to me?"

A day like any other. Shinobu took a bucket of washing water out to dump in the back alley, in need of an excuse to flee the heat and damp, the chafing presence of her useless, worthless, good-for-nothing husband. She didn’t notice the new odor under the usual ripe reek of warm garbage until it was too late. A sharp smell, like spice. Shinobu rounded the corner. The bucket fell from nerveless fingers. Crouching in the alleyway was a leopard as big as a draft horse, a primordial nightmare conjured from the blackest depths of the human hindbrain. Its skull alone spanned wider than her outstretched hands. A fuzzy, spreading calm came over her as it heaved itself to its feet with a coughing growl. Her own death, once a distant maybe, now drew so close she could see its grinning reflection in the cat’s pale eyes. The leopard only made only a half-assed lunge towards her before sinking back on its haunches, panting hard. When she gathered enough courage to open her eyes again, it was obvious why. It was hurt, badly. Loose clumps of black fur littered the alleyway like thunderheads in miniature. The left paw was a mangled stump. An arrow of fearsome length skewered the limb further up, entering the shoulder and emerging from the underarm. Somebody or something had tried to kill the cat, and mostly done their job. If she retreated back inside and waited, it would be soon adding its stink to the garbage heap it was squatting in. Back to the silence, the tedium, the pointed looks, the argument she grown too contemptuous to finish… Shinobu moved towards the leopard in tiny, cautious steps. It growled again, but showed no inclination to move. “I won’t hurt you,” she told it, hoping it would understand her intention, if not her words. She reached out and smoothed a hand over dark, coarse fur. Working slowly down from the neck, she reached the place where the arrowhead protruded. It was worse, up close like this. The fine etching on the face of the arrowhead was rimed in blackened crud. A constellation of hairless, crusted sores denotated places where the tip had rubbed against the leopard’s flank, like ringworm rash’s bigger, nastier brother. Touching it made Shinobu’s head buzz and her stomach twist in a sour knot, but no sores erupted on her skin. She didn’t drop dead. Now what? The who and what and why of what had happened were a mystery, but powerful forces had been at work while she was wasting her drab little life away indoors. Somebody had imbued this arrow with enough power to drop a monster cat, to kill it slowly and painfully, but only after they had thrashed it to within an inch of its life. Assuming it really was a cat. It had stopped growling when she touched the arrow. Now it just watched. Shinobu grasped under the shaft, pulling sideways as hard as she could. The buzz in her head rose to a skull-splitting whine, until the wood splintered and it cut off with a pop. She was left holding a truly wicked broadhead coated in leopard gunk. She tossed it away without bothering to see where it landed. The leopard sighed. It almost sounded human. “That feels better, doesn’t it?” She managed to suppress a flinch as it lowered its battered muzzle, drew its barbed tongue over her arm in a long, rasping stroke. The top layer of skin was gone before she even felt the sting. She scratched it behind the ears, feeling strangely pleased. “Good kitty. Nice kitty.” --- “There’s an animal out in the alleyway,” Shinobu told her useless, worthless, good-for-nothing husband as he bandaged her bleeding arm. “Can you go chase it off? It was big.” --- Two days later, something like her husband stood at the threshold of their home. So it wasn’t a cat after all. It wasn’t a half-bad imitation. He’d gotten everything right but the eyes. “Well?” she said. Playing coy. Trying not to sound too excited. “Come on in. Don’t be a stranger.”

#jojo's bizarre adventure #kira yoshikage #yoshikage kira #kirashino #shinobu kawajiri #girl! don't Androcles and the Lion that stinky alley cat! you don't know where he's been!!!#this is not so much a crossover as me spreading a schmear of mr. cook's style over a very silly idea lmao #aping a better writer's style was so much fun... i will do this again someday #there is also one (1) malazan book of the fallen reference in here. if you find it we are friends for life

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astranite · 10 months

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vent post because I am a mess and i've just got to stick it all somewhere. I don't even know what or why I'm putting it here. Just there is way too much inside my head.

(trying to stick all of my intensely personal bullshit under a cut)

Just a whole pile of stuff. (this isnt even the half of it). A whole bunch of things I thought i was okay about but maybe I'm really not. And that maybe my whole scale of okayness is kinda fucked up. And i seem to randomly swing from telling myself this is fine to no wait its all pretty fucked up. Basically that meme of the dog in the on fire house going this is fine. Welcome to everything is on fire but we're not freaking out about it because we're past that point. But sometimes it feels honestly okay and then something else hits.

Nothing in my life is even that bad. I'm getting my shit together. Its probably better than it has been in a while (or maybe its not, i dont know). I'm making positive progress towards the future. I drafted a job application. I'm trying to unfuck my tertiary studies. I literally keep telling myself I'm an adult, even though I feel like a fuck up kid still.

I just want to move the hell out. So I'm making steps towards it. Not because its bad, bad. More conflicting access needs I guess. And I feel trapped here and on guard and responsible for everything. Or Im just a problem or have problems because clearly everyone else is fine but that's probably not a great way to think.

Not sure what I'm feeling right now. Actually mostly just numb and vaguely ill. Yay for crushing down all your emotions until you can't feel them any more. Because, yeah, I can't be upset about things. It scares and worries people and I'm already way too intense.

And when I do it, i seem calm and fine to people, and hey neither crying nor panicking has be a good thing. Except I'm blank when I know I'm upset or would be, and its not fine. Honestly probably a bit messed up. Huh.

(I know its not good for me. I am so very aware of this) (i know hiding stuff is literally one of my biggest 'things are getting bad' red flags)

I'd probably be way more okay if I was crying and yelling and getting mad about stuff. Instead of just quietly, calmly imploding. Or walking around and smiling and acting normal. (its only sometimes, not all the time. And just happens to be right now)

Also past shit keeps metaphorically walking up to me, and maybe I didn't process it great. because its evidently still bothering me even though its years ago.

(Yes, realising some of this stuff was a That moment when you're writing and you realise that wow character has a whole bunch of issues. Then that was at least 50-70% me.)

I do keep picking myself up from the floor over and over because I'm too stubborn not to.

Also: I'm so sick of being misgendered by family. Like they do support me and are trying with different pronouns. But getting it right barely any of the time. And if I call them out on it to correct them, then they get upset. So I just have to put up with it silently, and yeah, she's trying, so I feel like I can't be upset about it but it still hurts, and maybe its not good enough. And I don't even know whether I could change my name, at least not without upsetting peopl, I've been told "please don't change you name, I like your name" but I don't even know if it feels like me. It's like people are supportive, but being nonbinary or trans or anything isn't actually a valid option. They/them isn't that hard if you practice it and even if it is it's still very much important to me. And none of them think of me as such which is maybe the problem. Except my friends, who actually do get it right which is nice.

I guess I'm struggling. And also all my friends and family have way too much of their own stuff going on.

So stupid vent post yelling into the void, it is then. Maybe I'm just being dramatic about it all.

I'd say I'm okay and don't worry (if anyone's even fucking reading this) but that would probably be more concerning. But I'll survive this like I survived every other fucking thing the universe has thrown at me.

(and I will and have asked for help, so stuff is at least sort of getting sorted, because this is not my first mental health rodeo.)

#AstraStuff #I dont know what the fuck this all is at this point #just that writing this is probably better than just rotating in around in my head #like a particularly messed up microwave #there is very much a temptation to delete this but instead here i am throwing it to the void

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tellescope · 11 months

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//Get to know the author!

Name? Ghostie or Promise.

Pronouns? she/her or they/them

Preference of communication? Tumblr IMs please. I don't like Discord. It makes me feel anxious. Plus I prefer to keep messages about Tumblr on Tumblr.

Most active muse? This honestly varies. I think my most consistent muse is Maria, as she's usually always there and I don't have to dig her up, but sometimes others hog the spotlight for a bit. I put stars on my muse list for the ones that are easiest to write at the moment.

Experience / how many years? Oh god. This is gonna be a long answer. Um, according to an old blog as of now I've had 13 years of roleplaying, 11 of that on Tumblr. I was terrible at first but no shame; nobody starts out perfect. I've discovered that a lot of my old, bad writing shares the issue of forcing myself to do past-tense. Wasn't the only issue but I learned that once I switched to present-tense my wording became a lot better and so with time and practice I kept improving to what you've seen here.

I've had different blogs over the years, mostly single-muse types, and for a while I had a list of urls and passwords cause I was juggling so many, but then my interest in a character would wane and I'd feel bad for abandoning that blog. It took me a long time but eventually I realized a multimuse would be in my best interest. So here it is. And I was right ^v^

Best experience? Hm... I think maybe my old RP groups here on Tumblr? I had a lot of fun in those communities before they closed. It was all the positives of forum RP like having multiple people in a scenario, a shared setting, and easy to find partners. But without the negatives like being left out if you weren't constantly available, because that's an advantage Tumblr has over forums. I think my best RP memories come from those groups. I remember Arietta and Stella City the most fondly. The settings were very unique and that fueled some of the most interesting crossovers I've ever written, plus the writers there were fun OOC too.

RP pet peeves? Extra spacing between words. I don't judge, format how you like. But I do tag these as 'eye strain' because I find them hard to read and I know I'm not the only one. Also super teeny tiny icons. 75x75 is a bit small but still okay, but I have seen 50x50 and smaller in the past and those are usually hard to tell what the picture even is. Also not pulling weight in a thread. Don't worry, none of you are like that. But I've had it happen in the past where I was the only one moving things forward and it wasn't a fun time.

Fluff, angst, or smut? I'm a sucker for angst but I do like it to have a happy ending. Hurt/comfort is my jam. But fluff can be good fun too! It's nice to see the characters happy and enjoying themselves ^v^ I don't write smut. I'll do fade-to-black if it ever comes up as some of my muses would be interested, but I myself am not.

Plots or memes? Either. I find it helps to plot a little bit as I generally prefer something pre-established, even if it's incredibly basic like 'we met earlier'. But once that's done I'll do anything; random starters, memes, plotted starters, etc. Memes are useful starters for me because they give me a direction to go in.

Long or short replies? Depends on the muse(s) and the thread. I can do both. Some of my muses end up with novellas, some don't, some can go either way. I generally prefer at least two paras from my partner and will always give at least that in return, but I'm fine with anything from my partner that gives me material to work with.

Time to write? With my sleep schedule it's usually evenings and nights, but honestly I take any time I can if I feel mentally able.

Are you like your muses? Depends on the muse. Some yes, some no. I'd say the muses I'm most like are Sabrina and Maria. Sabrina was originally based on a somewhat fantasized version of me before she grew into her own person but she retains a lot of my traits; wanderlust, passion for photography, love of flying, a bit of an adrenaline junkie, favorite color is purple. And a big reason I love Maria so much and find her so easy to write is because I see a lot of myself in her. I'm not immuno-compromised but I deeply understand her optimism even in dark circumstances, her love for her family, her desire to see the world despite the likelihood of it not happening, her passion for nature, etc. I relate to her a lot.

Tagged by: @hauntedreality

#{{ chronicling their stories | ADMIN }}#//If any of you were in either of those RP groups back in the day lemme know!#//I already know one of you is :)#//I do miss groups like that. These days every ad I see for that kind of group is a Discord server. I can't do those.#//They have the same problems as forum RPs.#//Thanks for tagging me‚ Lilith! :D

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 1 year

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I didn't think I'd really need to come back here after everything. It's so stupid. My dad has given me my own weed and it is way stronger than the pills. So many different ways it affects me. But I've been mostly sober since the attempt that started all this. Ig partially out of respect.. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to my parents if I continue my junkie ways after they had to listen to me scream and yell about how I felt trapped and then when things open up, boom still doing it

I dunno if that makes sense tbh.. lemme know ik I suck at explaining things correctly.

Anyway I've been sober 99% of the time since. I kinda don't like smoking as much now. It made my teeth hurt and I hallucinate when I get high. It's nothing crazy no where near as vivid the dph hallucinations get ofc. Tho it still scares me so bad. It can range anywhere to a few small & constant noises that makes everything hard to hear unless I'm focusing to hallucinations that put me in a state of delusion. I get so scared about ts I can't move. 9 times out of 10 I get this weird feeling someone or something is there and if I make a sound they'll come up to me. Those are the worst feeling ones dude I know there's no reason for me to assume anything is there but I just stiff up and cry as quietly as I can until I can work up the courage to check if they're "still there"

I used to do that when I was coming down from benadryl actually. I'd be too forgetful to be scared of anything like that mid high but all hell broke once it was wearing off

It makes me so annoyed. It makes me wonder if that's something I'll just have to deal with from here on or should I just stay sober from here on and hope for the best. It all makes me miss the pills so fucking bad. I was taking those for so long and it just felt like I knew pretty much anyway they'd effect me atp. It was straightforward

Dph made my heartbeat harder -> also made my heart sore when I'm not on it

The pills dehydrated me -> annnd if I took it too far, I'd go acidic and jaundice (which im ngl happened way more often than I wanted to admit.. when I tried to od again in December I was quite literally neon!)

Taking so many at once making my stomach have to dissolve anywhere from four to high twenties worth of pills at a time -> which led my stomach to get irritated and eager to get that shit out and made various issues there

But now? What. I don't even have anyway to measure so it's just a thing of.. o guess it kicked in, ig I can't hear rn. Oop dang ig I got too high now I physically have to focus on not freaking out over something that is not fucking happening. Oh what ig these stupid fucking edibles make my head hurt instead of making me high. Fun!!

I'm so over this shit. Im trying so hard to stay away. I didn't like dph after a while. You can scroll back and see so many things I hated about it. And yet I think about it every single day. I miss it so much. I used to be able to take a few pills and then poof blank out for a little while. As long as I took care after the fact, I'd be mostly fine. But now I have to deal with the unpredictability of my own mind or whatever nonsense I have to feel when I smoke/eat edibles

R has been really bumpy for me too. I don't know why like.. I've really been happy about our friendship lately. I feel like seeing how fucked up I had to be to my parents to make them listen gave me a new appreciation for her. I haven't blown up at her in a while but omfg I've done it a lot throughout our time together. Tho, she's still here for me. Nothing really changed. And I love her for that. I'm really just a random person online fr. At any point she could just decide she's fed up with me and ghost. But she endured my nonsense and still pushed me to look at things different. I never know how to bring that up without sounding like it's a romantic thing

Which has been eating at me so bad as of late. I don't know what th I feel towards her. If im still in love I wouldn't be shocked but it feels different from how I felt before the whole blowup a lil bit after she broke up with her ex. She's my safe space but she is also kinda fucked up to me sometimes. But I really can't help myself. I still worry about her all the time, I genuinely try to know everything and anything going on with her wherever possible, and I let so much go unspoken not blowing up and trying to keep her perspective in mind where I can.. I want her to not have to worry sm I hate that my presence has become a double edged sword. I love her so much it's become overbearing and hard to hide. I know it makes her feel pressure to hide stuff to keep up appearances/impressions. Shit sucks. It makes me feel like I'm in a parent's position atp..

Tho all that being said I feel like she still interprets my actions as some elaborate way to make her like me. Or me tryna be nice so that she falls in love with me. Some shit. And ik that sounds so paranoid and baseless but its been a pattern atp.

Everytime I get cheery and tryna treat her like ya know, my best friend, its like she takes that shit diff and mentions her ex as a way to tell me to back off. And I don't get it. Like no dummy I'm not excitedly talking about shit to lure you in YOU ARE MY FRIEND. MY CLOSESTTT. I know that she won't judge me for me and since she knows me so well, I rarely have to give too much of a backstory to talk about anything. It's nice. And I guess I abuse that privilege a lot. Maybe I should be better about not running to her about everything. But then like me being concerned and interested about what she's up to makes her do it as well. She briefly got with someone else (they've already broken up she ain't getting a codename 🥴) and I noticed her using her for that purpose too for a bit. Well. Before she got annoyed with her existence lolol

But yeah anyway like.. has that pattern already been there and I haven't noticed? Am I overthinking this action too hard and twisting it? It's frustrating me so bad cause I don't get why she interprets it like that. Am I just so oblivious I don't see how obviously in love I am and she's tryna push me out of that...? Or is she being self destructive and can't view my love as anything but manipulation.

Confessing to her has become one of my biggest regrets. It changed so much I hate myself for believing I was in lala land. Stupid fucking girl. All I could see was how much I liked talking wth her and it just slipped out. I didn't realize just how many fucking consequences it'd bring after the fact. I feel like im constantly dancing around shit. I wish I never said anything. Im so tired of having to study my every action to make sure I don't seem too eager to speak. I forget it happened some days but it feels like that's all she sees me as. I don't understand what to do atp. I don't want to lose her, we are completely ride or die aside from this. But my GOD I CANT TAKE IT. I feel like it's become such a giant elephant and it's going to rift everything once it's brought up. I don't want to piss her off and lose her for good

Between her and my ex.. I lowkey think I'm done with the whole romance thing this feeling is the absolute worst. Any time I express that myself in that way I come out of it feeling so stupid. It stings so much worse this time around. Least with my ex even though the shit only lasted a few months IT HAPPENED. I feel crazy feeling this exact same stupid feeling with someone I haven't even dated before. And for me to feel WORSE.. HOW?? I've avoided dating specifically so I wouldn't feel this way and then I stumbled and did the shit AGAIN! Let myself fall into even deeper feelings with someone that didn't even like me. Again. And I'm stinging worse than I ever was before. Crazy. I hope I never like anyone again.

I've been feeling blank as of late. Even with my family life improving and my health improving I still feel empty. The same I did before. It feels like now I'm performing a different role, but still feel the same. It felt so good to have everything in the open and finally dropping dph for good (probably) originally. But I really feel no better now that the dust has settled. Everything just shifted some

I try to be more open and honest about myself and what I feel but the central issues I don't know how to express. It feels unfair to air that shit out to R, my family or any of my friends since I know I won't believe them. It's so easy to say the right thing. So easy to assure me you love me. You care. But do you mean it? Or are you saying it because that's what you're "expected" to say and do? I dont trust a word out any of their mouths when it comes to shit like that. Looking at their unconscious actions and how and what they say feels like the most honest view of their thoughts. And a whole lot of that made me feel the way I feel. What's words going to fix when I can physically SEEE AND HEAR all the shit proving otherwise replaying in my head? Why listen to you try to cover your own ass when the evidence is already there? We both see the cards on the table. There's no point trying to sway me into looking at them different.

But I feel bad not being able to shake that sense. I know part of my thinking is irrational. It's fucked up I can't listen and change my view. It's like theyre speaking to a brick wall. It's almost like they can never fuck up since I can't let ts go once I've noticed it. I try to keep myself together because of that. I hate the grandiose acting I have to do to get through the day

I won't lie. I really sit there and wish I would've died that day. It's like ever since that last time ever since I got all my ducks in a row and decided I'm okay with no taking part in life, it suddenly made everything feel tedioussss. It gets on my nerves so bad I've been so angry. I wish I would've just kept my mouth shut and let things finally crumble down on its own so I could be left to pop pills til I either got it right and ended myself or guzzle em until I fucked myself up so bad I'd die without my intervention 💀💀

None of this seems to be worth it and I'm kinda over it. I made my decision. It fucking sucks that I'm still being forced along this stupid junk when I already decided it was all worthless. I wish I could hide away and just stop participating in society. Never talk again. Never play another game. Never spend a single cent. Just total isolation. I wish all the games I play were single player so no one would think to chat with me while we're playing. I wish the world was filled with robots so that I could go in and out of a store without thinking bout if the employees are thinking I'm stealing or wondering if anyone thinks I look as cool as I think I look

I wish it were just a lil bubble just for me. Go into a store, grab what I want, walk out. Dress up anywhere and take 10000 pictures that no one'll see. But idc cause i look so prettyyy and I like seeing myself in all my cute lil outfits. Eat what I want and how weirdly I want without people looking at me crazy. I swear it's all doable but it all feels like I'd have to completely ignore the outside world for me to be happy. Even shit like having to say good morning to my parents or thank you to someone holding the door open for me pisses me off. When I'm not in the mood for speaking, I aint in the mood for any and all speaking no matter how small. And lately uh it's been all I feeling

I don't know why I don't feel the motivation to try to kill myself again. Ig I don't even care enough to atp. I've been so over it now. I've been feeling kinda apathetic to everything to a degree. Not that it hasn't been nice to have clarity on everything. But I don't care to fix any of it anymore. I was done that day i tried to kill myself you know? Being here still didn't really change anything in my perspective. If I had a button right in front of me that'd instantly end me 100% guaranteed I'd put on a nice lil outfit then push that shit with a swiftness

I'd be shocked if don't end up relapsing atp. I'm tired of thinking

#dph addiction #dph #benadryl #diphenhydramine #vent #excessively long

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blole-hack · 2 years

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I've been questioning if im autistic

big sensory problems seriously

i like vegetables but i cant stand the tastes of some of them and textures. i mean i eat it but there's certain THRESHOLDS that i just can't, im about to puke, im sorry. it tastes good but idk why my body is rejecting it

i cant stand STRONG TASTES and STRONG SMELLS. But apparently I smell some things stronger than others???? like i can smell pee in some places where others dont lol (its the bathroom of course i smell the pee) and then it sticks to my nose bc of the particles that got stuck on my mask (as in anti COVID-19 mask not masking) so i had to swap masks but everyone else seemed fine

cant stand cold food lol do i just have stomach problem

cant stand perfumes or efficascent oil

cant stand sounds that people dont even think are loud tbh but its mostly because I'm scared of damaging my ears

its really hard to sleep without ear plugs but i think i just got used to it after sleeping near someone snoring.

touching certain textures is fine I'm just mildly germaphobic so if i touch something that feeels like it has like, idk, germs??? but im not scared of getting sick??? idk microorganisms scare me even though i know theyre everywhere

i cant stand the smells of some masks which other people dont notice (like, the insides)

but there's some things im dull at tasting or smelling

motion sickness dude... my whole life dude. and travel lag for hours

feel pressured to act normal but sometimes i just wanna let go maybe its social anxiety

cant speak/can barely speak idk if its enough to count as nonverbal during mornings but its so hard

its hard to respond when so many things are going at once

bad sense of direction because its hard to remember locations because of so many things around at once

triggered when some random person touches me but i just have boundaries

i dont really stim unless im excited. i dont rock back and forth for self soothing, or maybe i do??? idk i move sideways sometimes. i cant sit still i think HAHHAA when i discovered it was a thing though, shaking things off is pretty neat ow my ankle jk

iii do get the urge to just verbalize random shit fidget in certain ways but i dont really do it

i mean i do fidget but when I'm nervous

i do mimic things and basically built my identity by chipping things off from characters since I've been so confused about who i really am and that's the most accessible way of expressing and experimenting about it

some synthetic sounds or just music honestly hurt my ears. i dont know why. these things arent being complained about by other people. it makes composing and appreciating music hard.

ive never really parroted things randomly when i was a kid i think or llike older or something. i guess i did when i was like 3 until yeah

i dont really relate to the special interests thing though. might be important to have. actually maybe its art, music, writing. but growing up ive been kinda a stubborn person who didn't really wanna learn from anyone and just did things on my own. butt once i realized i would greatly benefit from learning i cant stand a day where i dont learn or improve IM JUST A PERFECTIONIST MAYBE but i dont really talk about them thaaaat much i dont really talk about anything much i dont really have much to say unless people are asking me for information

Ive been considered weird by peers before. when i was in grade 1 i tried writing a book in a small tiny book. it was a self help book. and then my classmates wrote "you're crazy" in the pages and tHATS WHEN I LEARNED TO USE EMOTIONAL WARFARE AND CRY IN CLASS TO GET WHAT I WANT MOTHERFUCKER -

I've always been so confused about socializing and why people seemed to know more about it than me but i realized afterwards that it's really just an art, there's no hard and fast rules besides not truly being a douchebag, and people just do whatever

i guess another thing that could be considered a special interest is my unstoppable urge of asking people about themselves, I'm really curious about others but have no idea how to talk about myself lol (i mean its stoppable i dont wanna look weird but i do wanna prod people so much)

i really wanna learn more about psychoanalyzing people but i hate Sigmund Freuds work HAHAHAHAHA

if it was more accessible maybe id be more nerdy about i

reading books is hard man...

ARTIFICIAL/SYNTHETIC FLAVORS. ARTIFICIAL/SYNTHETIC SMELLS i cannot stress this enough. i cant stand the combination of chocolate and milk sometimes, i cant stand the taste of whey protein sometimes when it has chocolate and milk as its flavoring

i think this is neurotypical as well but my senses get dulled sometimes when im focused on something else then later when i break focus all the sounds return. i guess yeah that makes sense but like it feels like i dont even process them subconsciously the info just gets thrown away HAHAHAHA

cant sleep when something is touching my neck even if its just my clothigny

when im already affected by motion sickness all of my senses get worse i guess thats normal

are my talking patterns weird <- my thoughts almost always

on the flip side, despite my interest in people, there's also me not understanding people and fictional characters *some emotions or recognizing them until i read or watch analyses or meta posts (thats why I love them)

i mean getting diagnosed is incredibly terrible Because People Will Make Your Life Worse and judge you for it with stigmas but heyyy at least i can get an excuse from my family why i dont wanna eat those *specific* vegetables please i beg i feel bad for the veggies whenever i want to vomit them

so yeah since i cant get diagnosed might as well ask actual neurodivergent people on tumblr

maybe i should just blender them into a nice textureless juice if i want my fill NUTRIENTS BABY without the near vomit experience!

wonder if any neuro divergent peeps out there relate or if im neurotypical but i really just do have problems with textures and tastes

#questioning autistim #autism #personal #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #I just wanna know if im not alone with these

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mold-ed · 2 months

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Little bit of a comfort drabble cuzza some stuff that happened earlier this week and i need the ability to do that but anyways yadda yadda not proofread, may not make sense, lots of words,

Extremely vague situational angst/comfort (extremely lacy btw its 5 in the morning and i have work later)

Pairing is older leon and puppy reader (im insane)

Leon looked at his puppy, looked at the way she laid on her bed. Her legs were tucked up to her chest, her tail slotted between her legs. Even her ears were flattened against her head. Her plushies were all around him. He'd bought them for her after his missions away, as to say he was sorry for leaving her for days on end. He never wanted to. The goddamn D.S.O made him. He loved his puppy, and he knew that she hated when he left. He knew her struggles with abandonment issues. Thats why he was so worried about why she was curled up away from him, despite having came back home. Normally she'd be on his lap, kissing his face and whimpering, all the while her tail her tail would wag like it was going to fall off.

But not right now. He could practically smell the sadness wafting from her slightly shaking form. A small sniffle came from her, finally breaking Leon out kf his trance. He gently puts a hand on her waist, gently squeezing it. She shrugged his hand off.

"I don't wanna talk right now, Le. Jus'leave me be. Please." Her words came out softly, covered up mostly hy the sound of her sniffling.

He frowned, moving his hand. "Hey, don't be like that. C'mon, tell me what's wrong.."

She shook her head. "It's fine. Telling you or not, its futile. Won't change mucha anything."

He moved to turn her to face him, without much resistance. She looked up at him sadly, not even meaning to. He cupped her face.

"C'mon, princess. Talk to me."

She leans into his hand, nuzzling against the roughness of his hand.

"I jus'.. i don't know how t'say it. I feel like you don't love me anymore like you used to. You're so consumed in your work. I long for you. F'your warmth.. i jus'wanna feel you on me again. Youre distant. It hurts.."

She choked out her last sentence, a strangled sob ripping through her as she shoots up and hugs him, her face finding solace in his chest as she cried.

He sat speechless. Unable to really come up with anything to say. He wanted to ask how long itd gone on for, how long she'd been suffering alone like this. But he didnt want to bother her with that. So he just pulled her the rest of the way onto his lap, and got comfortable enough, making sure she was okay. His hand ran down her hair, smoothing it, while the other simply ran circles on her back. Ut felt like in no time shed fallen asleep. Oh well. Maybe hed ask what was casuing thag another day. For now, hed let her sleep.

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prettyboykatsuki · 3 years

Text

am i warm enough for you?

➳ tags ;; soulmate au, strangers to lovers, fluff and angst but mostly fluff, some-what canon compliant, bakugo katsuki is bad at feelings, lots of Feelings™, you guys are adults but the end of the fic but the fic is sfw, alcohol, drunk confessions

➳ wc ;; 5.6k..

➳ plot summary ;; you see your soulmate in dreams - sometimes in bits and pieces and other times in full. bakugo is less than inclined to admit he even has a soulmate - and you learn how to cope with it, one day at a time.

bakugo learns that this soulmate shit is no joke. that has to be why he keeps falling for you so helplessly.

➳ a/n ;; i wasn’t even gonna comeback this early but it felt so wrong not to post on my bfs birthday so alas </3 for anyone who cares to know this is @elysianseraph but with my new url. nice to see u all <3

this was originally posted on 4/20 but im reposting cause it didn’t show up in the tags dskjds

It’s hazy.

A cloud of smoke settles over your body, permeating your lung. It smells like sugar, like burning, like smoke and a little like leather. You can feel your toes curl and your hands moving but your body is separate from you in a way you can’t describe. It’s a pleasant kind of warmth that spreads, creeping up from behind your neck till it’s soft and cradling your skull. It’s soft like the touch of a mother, like wool over your ears.

It’s a pleasant feeling, that’s all. Almost cozy but there’s a fading sense of distress that chills in your lungs as you encompass it. Your hands are too small to reach forward, and truthfully the sensation is so powerful that you’re afraid to reach out. You’re 6 years old, so all you know is how it makes you feel. You can’t remember many details, but you feel pleasant. Something about it is soft, but there’s a sharp edge right at the end that has your lungs gasping for air.

It’s a flash of colors. Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red. Orange. Red.

And then it fades into a feeling again. A blurry feeling. You feel conflict, then concern, then inadequacy in heavy waves almost like it’s drowning you. It’s the first time you’ve experienced such a pain, so your wailing and wiping tears away with chubby fingers and saying a name you don’t know and can’t remember.

Ka. You know the sound, Ka. But you don’t know of anything more. It repeats rhythmically in your mind like a knock on the door, rapping with urgency - but it doesn’t do anything to jog your memory. Someone is trying to be let in but you don’t know how to answer them, and you’re still crying. The distress, the inadequacy shakes you and all you feel is frustration in short simple bursts.

Your first encounter with your soulmate is written this way in your memory. A sense of urgency laced with frustration - but they’re not towards you. It’s him, his feelings - you can feel them even deeper then he can. They pierce you in a way that makes it hard to breathe, no matter how you try to escape them it’s an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. The only way to escape the feelings of a dream is either to control them, or to face them and swim through the fog.

Soulmates have an urgency to them, in general. His is different, you can tell as much. Your first soulmate dream leaves the heaviest impression and each one thereafter is like pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes you simply share random dreams, like a split screen in a video game - the two of you witness different parts of the same dreamverse. Other times, and honestly - most times, you’re experiencing their emotions or feelings. You experience their core memories, their life, in flashes and bits and pieces.

It’s not enough to know them or who they are, it’s like know everything about them except the things that matter

Sometimes you meet too. Just barely.

MEETING 1:

The room is white. When you blink, colors flash in order - red, pale yellow, orange, forest green and you know. You blink a few more times, stretching your hands out in front of yourself. Curling your hands into fist then into stretched palms, you lean forward and stretch. You wriggle your toes - notice you're wearing shoes. Clothes from your closet. Strange.

You take a look around the room but there isn't much to see. There’s a wall in front of you with a glass divider and a mirrored empty room. The room across from yours has spiky decor littered against the walls. An orange dresser, plastic grenades and play guns. You know who it is without a second warning - and a foggy part in the back of your head tells you that it’s him, again but with more force. You don’t see anything in your room, but you figure he might. All of it is confusing to you.

Before you can blink, there’s a loud thud coming from the other side of the glass. It’s a silhouette, the outline of a face - but nothing clear. Dream logic dictates you can’t know a face you’ve never seen, yet somehow you know his outline. Spiky, he’s spiky everywhere.

“Hello?,” you call out, overly tentative. The figure pauses, seems to take in whatever they must be seeing. You’re not sure what response you’re expecting, really. There’s no expectations at all.

“...Who the fuck are you?,” says a pitchy, male voice. He sounds like he’s your same age, a highschool boy. His throat is rough, yet not overly deep. It’s almost scratchy.

“Uhm,”

You’re not sure how to reply. You can see him through the glass, but not really. Still, you take note of his shadows like they’re going to tell you anything more. You shove your hands in your pockets, messing around with something inside.

“Uh.. your soulmate, I think,” you reply.

Scratching the back of your neck as an awkward silence settles, you take a few minutes to try and figure what more to say.

“We met when we were kids once too,” you explain awkwardly. He must know, has too - this soulmate thing is a two way thing, but his silence is deafening. You just want to feel this space. Is it always this awkward?

“Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Forest Green,” you repeat, like a mantra. You hear him take in a sharp breath, and freeze. For some reason, you’d like to avoid upsetting him. He doesn’t seem like he’s taking to the information too well.

“I don’t have time for this damn bullshit… whatever quirk you’ve got to mimic this - cut it the fuck out,”

Hostile.

You pause, not sure how to feel. Half of you is offended, the other half is confused - had you done something to upset him? You can feel how he feels - but you don’t understand it. You sit with your mouth agape, like a fish out of water. Unsure of how to proceed, you scoff a little.

“Woah.. this isn’t a quirk thing. We’re.. soulmates? That’s already a thing,”

More silence. You’ve.. he doesn’t seem upset, but you can tell he’s not all that keen to the idea. It’s a bare minimum improvement that you find yourself valuing, without your consent. He breathes again, throat even more hoarse than before. His voice is angry but it doesn’t fit his responses, his feelings - so you don’t pay attention to his madness. Something is off.

“... I’m not supposed to have a soulmate. No fucking way I have a soulmate,” he grits. You step back, stumbling. You didn’t have any expectations.. but this wasn’t what you had been expecting at all. You feel uneasy, sick. It must be a shared feeling if the way he leans against a wall counts for anything.

A beat of silence passes before you open your mouth to speak.

“... I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to that,” you admit. He scoffs.

“Nothing you damn extra. Leave me the fuck alone,”

You don’t reply, too stunned. This was your soulmate? This.. asshole? Not that you were a peach entirely either, but this was supposedly the person that the universe had decided for you?

You shake your head. Maybe you’re just being rash? He could be a nice guy behind all the chaos. You try your best to hold onto that, that this was literally someone chosen for you before you gave up all hope. You sigh, cracking your neck.

“You can say whatever you want but.. we’re here, you know? It’s more productive to just go with it.. isn’t it?,”

“Go fuck yourself,”

“After meeting you, I’m not exactly over the fucking moon about it either. It is what is,”

“You’re not my fucking.. soulmate or whatever the fuck. Leave me alone,”

Your heart both aches with anger and sadness. You don’t know what to do. What does this shit-head know about you, anyway? You know he’s been through some shit, same as you - what makes him so entitled? You swallow the lump in your throat. It hurts. It pierces. Stupid soulmate bonds.

“Yeah? Alright. Fuck you too,”

You see him pace around for a longer before he disappears in a cloud of smoke. You didn’t even catch his name, and you’re not sure you wanted too. It must be morning, but at least you're away from him. It feels lonely, but it must just be you.

Your eyes flutter open but your heart is heavy with regret. You don’t know who it belongs to, but you’ve got class in an hour and not enough time to think about it. If he doesn’t want to meet you that’s fine.

It’s fine. Not like you wanted to meet your soulmate anyway.

You don’t have another meeting with your soulmate for months. Lately your dreams have little if anything to do with him or where he is, how he’s been. You have some of those split screen ones, where you know he’s there but neither of you acknowledge each other, even in spirit, like how you did before. When you wake up feeling angsty, you don’t know how to distinguish the feeling but you don’t try.

You wonder idly if he can feel your apathy, if he cares enough too. Maybe he also mistakes it for his own? It seems likely.

It’s a weekday where you’re getting ready for remedial classes at your school. First year advanced courses were no joke, and you find yourself regretting your choice to participate in them.

Still you get dressed anyway, put your uniform on and brush your teeth - wash your face with your eyes half open and look presentable. No one's home in the morning, the house is empty of any life but you. Food becomes a last minute priority, so you make an egg sandwich with cheese and eat it on the way to the train station.

You stare down at your feet as you step outside, music drowning out the noise of your surroundings aptly. The walk to the station is long and the ride is longer, but the streets are packed edge to edge. Musutafu is busy this time of year - the U.A. Sports Festival is taking place today and everything seems to reflect that. You barely manage to squeeze past all the strangers on the subway - clearly on their way to see it.

When you get to school, you're greeted by a mostly empty classroom with a teacher. These classes were straightforward as always, do the work you need to correct, have it approved and leave. It repeats until your finished with all the assignments and you get to be done. You give a respectful nod to your teacher before grabbing your work from your bag.

It goes on and on - occasionally, you hear an excited gasp and quiet chatter from classmates. It’s about the festival, the happenings - but you’re too caught up in completing your work that day and trying to get the fuck out of their as soon as possible.

Shit like that didn’t matter to you, anyways. It’s just a festival.

You leave around the same time the festival seems to have ended, the streets flooded with people - you miss the first station and wander towards an electronics store a block away from your highschool.

It’s the winners on TV. A guy with split hair - Shouto Todoroki, Endeavors son. A guy with a bird head, and a blonde with red eyes - muzzled to the pole.

When you see them, your heart stops. You can feel anger, an unfamiliar rage and humiliation building in your chest. It feels the word has stopped as you watch from afar, through screens. Your soulmate seems upset about something, but you wouldn’t know what.

And that blonde on TV, you wonder if you know him from somewhere.

MEETING 2:

Red.Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red.

You feel him before you even know what’s happening - and it catches you completely off-guard. You haven’t had a proper soulmate dream in two years. Smoke clouds your lungs, the taste of sugar burning your tongue as you cough yourself into awareness. This time, you’re not in a room but it’s a campground. In the middle of the space is a bonfire, burning warmly. This one feels more vivid, more real.

But you know it’s not, your body feel unusually light and your hands can’t hold anything for too long. You know it’s a dream, but you sit in the chair anyway. It feels like you're floating. You feel oddly warm. Dread builds in the pit of your stomach. Even though it’s been so long since you’ve spoken to your soulmate - you can’t forget the terrible first encounter. It sticks to the roof of your mouth - a bitter memory that fills you with unexplainable, irrational resentment.

But it’s not like you hadn’t been seeing him, to an extent. You’ve seen all his memories in bits and pieces - all of them tragic and painful. This time, you see people but they come in the form of small scraps. Spiky Red. Electricity. Tape. Pink with Horns. Music. Green. So much green and red - like Christmas, you’ve called it. You’ve seen disappearances, fear, anguish - so much anguish.

In the weeks after All Might’s fall, you were in so much pain - you couldn’t stop crying for days. It’s been enough time to know what feelings were yours and which were his - and these ones felt so much like him. It went on for nearly a year - you’d almost got accustomed to it. If tears showed up to blot the ink of your lecture notes, you didn’t think twice about it. You tried to keep yourself calm, steady - in hopes you could lend your soothing to him. Even if he hated your guts, you could barely believe so much sadness could exist in one person. You didn’t know what happened but whatever it was - it must’ve been terrible. At the very least, you felt sympathy.

Sympathy was enough to get by for a long time. A neutral, level-headed sympathy that helped soothe some of your own hurt.

All that said, you were hardly expecting to see him again - especially not this soon. You don’t remember the last time you thought about him in anything other than passing - actively. It’s one thing to know what's happening - you’ve felt him passively everyday for damn near two years.

But it’s another thing to see him in front of you, force yourself to acknowledge him as your soulmate even if he insists on not doing the same.

You squirm in your chair, noticing that you’re wearing PJ’s instead of clothes. Just a hoodie and sweats, none of which fit you quite right. You pull your sleeves over your hands, fiddling with the stray strand of thread loose.

“What the fuck is this shit?,”

Your stomach drops. Unsure of what to say, you opt to say nothing at all. Just let him be, sit quietly in your dreams and mind your business. Maybe he’ll wake up soon and it’ll all be over.

You can’t see him from the corner of your vision but you can hear him shuffle. The way he touches things, noticing how they make noise but don’t feel quite right in his hands. How it feels real but doesn’t, how it is real and isn’t. Surely, he’s noticed you by now. The lingering silence makes you squirm.

“...It’s you,”

You flinch, lifting your head up slightly to meet his gaze. His expression is unreadable, but it’s different from before. In a fleeting moment, something occurs to you.

You can see him. What he looks like. Blonde with red eyes, and a sharp chin and thin waist. You know it must mean you’ve seen him before - perhaps you’d even seen each other, but for your life you can’t remember where you’ve seen his face. It’s right there, on the edge of your mind, but you’re stumped.

“Hello?,”

“Oh,” your reply comes short, strained. Your eyes flutter as you press your lips into a flat line. “Uh, hi,”

The blonde sits in the chair, slumping down. His eyes go towards the flickering flames without another word and you decide it’s best not to engage. It stays like that for a while, a beat of silence - not awkward but not comfortable, passing by without another thought. It all feels real, present - not like normal dreams. This must be the special kind of soulmate thing you find yourself feeling resentful towards.

His eyes are heavy. Relief is overwhelming him, with an iron grip and he’s worried you can feel it. If you can, you don’t say a word.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,” he admits.

The words sound tender passing through his mouth, unmistakably so - but you don’t get your hopes up. Instead, you give him a placating laugh, leaning forward towards the fire and mirroring him.

“I didn’t think so either,”

When it falls silent, it feels comfortable. It’s not like either of you have anything to say to each other right now, with no manual on how this was supposed to go. If he even wanted to go there.

“I can.. see you,” you start. He squints.

“You couldn’t before?,”

This takes you by surprise. You shake your head.

“No..Could you? See me, I mean?,”

Bakugo feels heat rise to his skin. Oh. Huh.

“Yeah,” he replies, a sharp inhale leaving his lungs “I can see you,”

There’s something tense in the air. It’s a strange sensation - to know the deepest and most intimate parts of someone without even knowing their name proper, or where they went to school, or what they normally eat for breakfast. All that connects you are these mutual feelings, shared grief that holds you two to the title of soulmates. This odd bond.

“..d’ya still think I’m a quirk wielding villain?,” you laugh, or try too - you’re doing your best to cut the tension. He can feel your hurt all the way from your sit, so deep in his gut - it’s been haunting him for years. How many nights of sleep he’s lost knowing there are soft and helpless tears coming from these suppressed feelings. He doesn’t know how to say sorry, so he sighs and rubs the back of his neck. He’s changed a lot in two years - but not enough to be good at this.

“No, I don’t,”

“Oh,”

He smiles, just a little. It’s gentle, casts shadow on his face from the light of the fire. It’s warm, everything feels warm and better and invigorating. When you look at him and his uneasy expression - you know he feels it too.

“By the way, uhm - what’s your name? Ka.. something? Right?,”

His eyes shoot up in surprise. He nods a little.

“Katsuki Bakugo,” he replies, expectantly. You seem surprised that he wants to know yours.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” comes your reply.

“Nice to meet you,” says him, Bakugo - your soulmate.

“Nice to meet you too,”

Getting to know Bakugo is unusually easy. You get the feeling it wouldn’t be, in the case that you were anything but soulmates - but Bakugo has never known being this intimate with someone other than you. Despite himself, how much he hates himself - you never seem too. Even though you feel and see all the ugliest parts of him - have since he was small enough to still be innocent, you always treat him the same.

Your conversations are short, and shallow. Regardless, he’s not used to talking so much about himself. But you’re always curious, so much so Bakugo doesn’t have the heart to see your countless questions go unanswered.

You keep a little notebook of all of your encounters. You remember them by heart but write them down too, just in case you miss something. You ask about his friends - Spiky Red and Soft Green, referring to them that way even after you’ve known their names. You ask about his work - the life of a dangerous hero, and if he ever gets nervous flying through the air.

Admittedly, he’s mean to you. He teases you so frequently, he’s lost count of all the times you’ve huffed and puffed at his sarcastic remarks. Still, you never turn away from him. You stand with your foot down and your arms crossed over your chest - insistent on making him feel flustered too. And it works, somehow - because you know all too much about Bakugou and always gets him right where he’s most conscious about. You don’t have to tease him about his feelings since you know them like the palms of your hand.

But these shallow conversations always mean a little more to him that he knows how to verbalize, and half the time he doesn’t need to do that at all. You’ve learned the masterful of working around him quietly, making all the parts of that feel too big to love - something small and fragile. Somehow, you’ve made being with him, even as friends - feel like less of an impossible feat but a dream.

Katsuki Bakugo has been in love with you since he was 6 years old. There must be some feelings we cannot share with our soulmates, because he has no idea if you feel it or not. He just knows he does, somewhere deep in the cavern of his heart, he loves you.

You never cross the barrier of romance with him, though. A paralyzing fear seems to settle in your bones when you breach too close to love and intimacy - and Bakugo understands those feelings, even if he doesn’t know exactly why they’re there. It’s not something you’ve decided to tell him yet, but he feels it in the same way he feels your loneliness. You may be kind but you’re more guarded than he is, and not fearless but reckless.

But he still finds himself aching to love and be loved by you, no matter how much he hates it. The yearning still manages to swallow him, even late into the night.

MEETING 3:

It’s been a while since your last meeting with Bakugo but not long. You were 21 now, but your dream visits were frequent. When you weren't speaking or seeing him through dreams - you were watching him on TV. You’d been yet to meet with him in real life but to you, that was okay. Seeing him like this had been more than enough.

Today was different. Normally, that bonfire was always a back-drop to these little encounters but it was a field today - a filed with rolling hills and hundreds of flowers and tall grass that made you feel itchy. The sun was permanently stuck right before it set but it was so warm everywhere. When you get there, there’s a blanket on the top of one of the hills. You sit on it cautiously and watch the wind pass. Everything is tinged orange, and red - you know he’s there with you before he appears.

When he does, he seems different. You glance over at him as he stumbles towards you in a stupor, and when he does finally sit - you get a whiff of alcohol coming from his neck and mouth. It’s strong enough to make a little dizzy. Blinking owlishly, he sits crisscross besides you, staring a little at the surroundings.

“..the fuck?,” he slurs. You can’t help but break out into a laugh. He nearly falls over, body swaying so you bring his head down to your shoulder wordlessly, a furious heat running all over your skin. Even though you can’t feel him, the gesture makes you feel something in your belly.

“Why’re you so drunk?,”

“Birthday,” he mumbles. Your eyes widen in surprise. Bakugo is seemingly unfazed, eyes drooping with tiredness. He’s completely inebriated.

You feel yourself grow tender. You’d have to wake up and remember the days date. Despite all the times you’ve met, you had no clue about his birthday or how he celebrated. You feel your heart ache at the idea you’ve spent the latter half of it together, in your own way.

“Happy Birthday, Bakugo.”

“Bakugo this, Bakugo that,” he growls, a little incoherent “We’re supposed to be fucking soulmates and you still call me by that.. damn name.”

He hiccups a little as you sit there stunned. You blink.

“.. You think of us as soulmates?,”

“Are you some kind of moron?,”

You scowl, flicking his forehead with your thumb and forefinger. He makes a noise of indignance.

“Well, how would I know? When we first met, you didn’t seem enthused about it,”

Bakugo sighs tiredly.

“I was 15 and an asshole - clearly I don’t fuckin’ feel that anymore,”

You seem surprised again.

“..You don’t?,”

Instead of swearing at you, he closes his eyes and gets closer to you. The liquor runs through his system like liquid courage and he nods a little.

“Not at all,”

“What do you..”

“What do you think I mean?,” he barks a laugh. You feel your pulse under your skin, drumming against your chest like a hammer. You can’t even breathe.

You’ve had feelings for Bakugo from the second proper meeting you’d had with him. It was clear as a day that he was your soulmate for good reason, that inexplicable draw that kept your heart from ever belonging to anyone else. You tried to - tried to go on dates and see other opportunities through but he was always so one of a kind.

Yet, you’d given up all hope that it would mean anything to harbor these feelings, convinced that Bakugo simply wasn’t interested in you In doing any of this. You didn’t want to force him into something he didn’t want - so you kept your distance with hope that he’d still be in your life. It was enough, or you’d wanted it to be.

It’d be a lie to say that you hadn’t started thinking about it more and more as the days pass. What it would be like to see him, touch him and love him and be with him for real - these passive daydreams gone vivid. If he could see your dreams, he must know about them. But you didn’t know how to approach it - how to approach love at all.

That’s the thing with soulmates. You’re told that you’ll just have the answers, destiny will do the hard work but that’s far from true. Because even now, with Bakugo leaning on your shoulder with this confession lingering in the air - you don’t know what to do.

“Stop being so nervous,” he mumbles. You stumble a little over yourself.

“Sorry,”

He chuckles.

“You really need me to say it, huh?,” he sighs. He picks himself. If he’s drunk and reckless, then fuck it - he’s gonna take it all the way. He drops his head onto your lap with a tired sigh.

“I think you’re my soulmate, you fuckin’ idiot,” he admits.

And it’s hard to say, because feelings don’t come easy for Bakugo Katsuki - but it’s the least he can do. All Bakugo Katsuki has ever known is to be lonely. It’s a loneliness that he’d forced on himself. Bottling up all the anger and sadness and swallowing it. It’s long since sunk it’s claws into him. That overwhelming, all consuming ugly feeling that lingers underneath that superiority complex.

That no one would ever, could ever love the ugliness that lingers in him. That no one who knew him for what he truly is, could care for him. Deku was the first of many disbeliefs and not much had changed.

Except for when it did. Except for when he met you - in a dream, and you were real and beautiful even at 15. That the universe hadn’t been playing some sick joke on him when he kept seeing you in his dreams, so soothing to his teenage loneliness. You were real and that was so fucking scary.

But you loved him anyway. Looked out for him when he was at his lowest - the soothing beat of your heart in the days after All Mights end . When he cried himself into sleep and dreamed of you. God, how he dreamed of you. Not especially romantic dreams, but dreams of how you made breakfast. How you watched cartoons on Sunday and read manga in your classes instead of the assigned work. How you fell asleep on the train station and always ate icecream after big tests. How you were especially mundane and how he got to be apart of that everyday routine.

After all, you see dreams of each other, but Bakugo has no clue what your dreams of him look like. His have always looked like you though.

When he was worthless and empty and unable to give you anything meaningful, to apologize or put his pride away - you had loved him anyway. Felt for him with clumsy hands and held on, not letting go. Even when he was begging for you to leave him alone, in fear of this all being nothing more than a cruel dream - you held on tightly to him. With your silly notebook questions and dumb names.

Bakugo Katsuki has never known what it means to love someone who isn’t you. Even if you found someone else and there was someone better than you for him, he would grit his teeth and bear it. He wonders if he’ll ever believe he deserves you. He wants to believe you’re his soulmate - to believe you wont ever leave. To believe that he did something right enough that the universe could give him someone like you.

And he wishes he could say all this, but he can’t - he just closes his eyes and hopes you can feel it.

“You’re so mean,”

“Isn’t that why you like me?,” he grins.

And you can feel his sincerity. He should feels yours too.

“I love you, actually,”

He gasps, a sharp breath that stabs his lungs. He feels sober from the confession.

His voice is gravelly when he speaks.

“Yeah, shit - me too,”

Your heart beats rapidly in your chest. The address is correct, it has to be with the way this place looks. Only a hero could live here, with the floors that lead up to skies. He lives on 3rd floor, so you swallow your fear. You give yourself a thumbs up in the glass window pane of the building before entering through the doors.

When you get there, a box sits. You press the button next to his place, bouncing on the balls of your feet until you answer.

“Hello?,”

His voice feels different in real life. You cough.

“Uh, hi,” you greet awkwardly “I’m here,”

“Oh,” he says. You hear something buzz and then him again. “Come on up,”

And you do. The elevator ride feels like it stretches mild, classic piano echoing against the empty walls. You feel yourself feel sick but you’re not sure it’s from the movement. All you can do is fidget and wait.

When the doors open, you peak your head out into the hallway. He’s the first one on the left, just as promised. You can see a welcome mat - forest green, and something in you knows that it’s the right one.

You step up and knock, three times precisely. Your heart is all the way in your ears and everything in you is filled with unease and excitement.

When the door swings open, the world stops. You gape like a fish out of water in disbelief. He’s tall and big like he promised he’d be, but you’re unprepared. His chin is scruffy, eyes full of sleep. Strong chest and arms that seem to crowd your vision, you don’t know what do.

His expression is full to the brim with feelings you’ve never seen. He steps aside with his head ducked down.

“Come in,”

“Ah.. right,”

You take your shoes off and place them in the slippers meant for you - they fit you just right, and it can’t be a coincidence. Your heart swells up a little as you take your coat off, hanging it on the rack. You can feel his eyes as they linger on your silhouette.

“So -,”

Before you can get a word out, you feel strong arms wrapped around your waist. His scruff brushes against the skin of your neck as he holds you tightly too him. The warmth of his breath lingers on your neck - and he hiccups, a sob stored in his rib cages let out with a howl. The tears blur your vision too. You can feel his drip onto your shoulder as you snivel into his neck. Your legs feel weak, but he holds you up at the door - the only thing keeping you standing.

You cling around him tightly, your nails digging into the meat of his shoulders. It’s him, your soulmate, Katsuki Bakugo. He’s real and holding you - and he smells like leather and sugar and a fireplace. He’s warm and strong and overwhelming and your crying into his shoulder with so much feeling you don’t know what to do. You hit him weakly, unsure of what do with yourself and he laughs.

“Damn you, shitty woman - makin’ me fucking cry,” but his voice is strained. It’s like something connected, how you feel each other so intimately in that moment. Not only because you’re soulmates, but because you love each other so deeply. Your heart feels heavy.

When you pull away, you manage to give him a warbly smile.

Your hands cradle his face - so handsome and wonderful. You lean forward, emboldened, and peck him. He melts into your touch like he’d been waiting for this moment his whole life. It makes you grin.

Maybe you don’t realize that he had.

He’d been waiting for you all this time.

#bakugou x reader #bakugo x you #bnha x reader #bnha x you #bnha imagines #bakugou imagine #bakugou imagines #PLEASE SHOW UP IM BEGGING

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