#they just odnt hold up anymore

[sludgeguzzler]

im so glad im getting better lately and thinking of the future as full of possibilities and options. what really keeps me going lately has been thinking about graduating high school and moving out and going to college, getting a job, living my life normaly and on my own pace, which is such a big change from the plans i had made just a few months back. im feeling sorta hopeful about my future for once and its great. i want to grow old now. its great

#i mean it doesnt mean i have a clear vision of what i want to be as an adult and if im even gonna go to college #but. idk im living through it #gosh im just. im just so so glad i cant put it into words #its funny too cus just a couple of days ago i was in absolute misery because of the big test i had to do dfshgh #but actually doing it made something click for me i think. i came out of the building feeling so #so light i guess #it was raining a bit and i just wanted to walk #so i told my mom it was too crouded and for her to pick me up someplace else #and i walked to a bus stop while eating one of the worst cereal bars i have ever eaten and my shoes were all muddy and i had a headache #but idk. i felt. really good #you see i am a certified teenager im six months away from being 17 im living that late teen blues #where my face is becoming a little less greasy and my frontal lobe a little more developed #and that means its almost time for college and for drinking and for partying and for moving out #and like. man #its dawned on me that the plans i had the ones about offing myself when i graduated highschool #they just odnt hold up anymore #i WANT to graduate i WANT to move out to my own apartment #i WANT to get a job; to come out properly; to study art; to put these years behind me and live #and im not saying i want to embrace everything that comes with adulthood no #what the fuck even is a tax. what do you mean i have to pay for my own internet. what the hell water bill #but just the fact that i actually want to go through all the shit parts so i can live the good parts means a lot to me #idk at this point im just rambling #dont want to kill myself anymore yippie hooray #schools definetelly gonna be Hell next year but i want to get through it so i can live the good part of life #im also ok about not going to college. like fuck man if i dont go then i didnt go thats that #i do have one (1) cringe unrealistic expectation which is omg what if me and my current bf stayed together forever [autism stare] #at this point im just incoherently rambling sorry there was alot i wanted to say and i ended up losing whatever sense of writing i had. #if you read through all of thank you tho. extremely personal i know but idk. im happy #sg.txt

[robins-den]

odnt worry robin i will munchmcjcnchcrunchcurnnch all the candy in your room and then explode and fall ovwr and die of a headache

thank u so much my dear nephew i appreciate it

Pan out on Grif and Simmons, who are approaching another Red soldier (Sarge) clad in red armor.

Sarge: Hurry up, ladies. This ain't no ice cream social.

Simmons: Ice cream social?

Simmons and Grif exchange looks.

Cut to Sarge.

Sarge: Stop the pillow talk, you two. Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here today?

Grif: Uh, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?

Sarge: (Sarcastically) That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!

Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir.

Sarge: Goddamn it, Private! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!

Simmons: Oh I'd do it, too.

Sarge: I know you would, Simmons. Good man. (brief pause) Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One.

Grif: Crap. We're getting a rookie.

Sarge: That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week, but today we received the first part of our shipment from Command.

Grif and Simmons exchange looks again.

Sarge turns towards a hill behind them.

Sarge: Lopez, bring up the vehicle.

A large, armor-plated, jeep-like vehicle comes over the rise with Lopez in the driver seat, who pulls up along side the Reds.

Simmons: Shotgun!

Grif: Shotgun! (realizes he is too late) Fuck.

Sarge: May I introduce our new, light reconnaissance vehicle.

Camera closes in on the front of the vehicle and starts to move left, circling it.

Sarge: It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.

Cut to Grif and Simmons.

Simmons: Why Warthog, sir?

Cut to Sarge.

Sarge: Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son.

Cut to Grif.

Grif: I know, but why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.

Sarge: (after a brief pause) Say that again.

Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.

Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?

Simmons: Uh, you mean like the shoe company?

Grif: No, like a puma. It's a big cat, like a lion.

Sarge: You're making that up.

Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal!

Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.

Simmons: Yes, sir!

Sarge: (pointing at the front of the Warthog) Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?

Cut to Grif.

Grif: A walrus.

Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!

Cut to a view of the Reds through the sniper rifle scope.

Cut to Church, wielding the rifle, and Tucker, wielding a M6D pistol.

Tucker: What is that thing?

Church lowers the rifle.

Church: I don't know, man. Looks like uh.. looks like they've got some sorta car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it.

Tucker: (taken aback) A car? How come they get a car?!

Church: What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop.

Tucker: (disappointed) You can't pick up chicks in a tank.

Church: Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything couldn't you? We're going to get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?

Tucker: (sighs) What kind of car is it?

Church: (looking through the scope of the sniper rifle) I dunno, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a... uh... like a big cat of some kind.

Tucker: ...What, like a puma?

Church: Yeah, man, there you go.

Cut to Red Team.

Sarge: So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're going to stick with the Warthog. How about it, Grif?

Grif: No, sir. No more suggestions.

Sarge: Are you sure? How 'bout Bigfoot?

Grif: It's okay.

Sarge: Unicorn?

Grif: No really. Uh, I'm cool.

Sarge: Sasquatch?

Simmons: Leprechaun?

Grif: Hey, he doesn't need any help, man.

Sarge: Phoenix?

Grif: (sighs) Christ.

Fade to black.

Sarge: Hey Simmons, what's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats.

Simmons: Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir.

Sarge: Hey Grif, Chupathingy! How about that? I like it. Gotta ring to it.

#aliceyabusamesoneball #answering tag ☆ robin edition #long post

[goddess-ofthe-underworld]

This post has nothing to do with what I normally post, however is why I haven't been posting. You dont have to read it. This is just my place to vent and the closest I can get to screaming into oblivion I suppose..

My husband and I moved all the way from mid Wisconsin to the bottom of Texas and are staying with my in laws, husbands mother and step father. Since we have been here, my FIL has shown that he is very much the 'if you odnt do things my way, its wrong', 'well I have ms and can do this so you can to or you aren't trying', 'holier than thou' type.

Now for background incase anyone is actually reading this, I have been diagnosed with depression, major anxiety, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, and am going to be tested to see if I am on the autism spectrum. I have suffered horribly over the years with all of these disorders, been in therapy for 8 years, and on the correct/best so far med combination for about 8months which now has been messed wit again because I cant afford my adhd prescription. So my daily life is fucking hard. I have worked very hard to deal with my anger, to be able to pull logic up faster than I have in the past, to be able to push my emotions to the side and to think about things logically and not just with my emotions or in black and white. I have spent years working on taming the rage in me.

My father in law destroyed all of that progress in 30 minutes.

Our car became unsafe so we had to get a new one. My MIL helped us with that and we thanked her very much for that! She set us up with the dealership, she got us a deal on it and we have thanked her multiple times for that. Now, just after simply talking to the man, not even signing papers, my father in law stayed behind and made the man doubt that we could afford it to the point where the man had asked us no less than ten times if we really could afford it or not because of my FIL. When he got back from making the salesman doubt us, he began to raise his voice at us saying how we needed to be straight forward with him about our finances, how we need to do this and that and I started to shut down. I knew what was coming. He turned to me and started going on about how i could work for my new aunt, when i had told him no five times already,my MIL told him she will not let me do that because my new aunt is a mess and she doesn't want me in that position. Now mind you before we moved here, we made it known to them that I havent worked or drove in four years due to all of my mental illness and a bad car accident I got into. They knew that the only way we'd come is if they were ok with that and could be understanding and not judging of it. So I said to him no I will not work for her. I've told you no already no means no. She he smiles and glares at me and said oh yeah? Why not? Yet again I start explaining my mental health, and he cuts me off and ✨yells✨ at me that if it's so bad I need to get on disability for it or get a fucking job already. I was shaking with anger, I wanted to scream, I wanted to throw things at him, I wanted to choke him. I was in a rage. I was able to control myself enough to where all I did was yell at him that I had an appointment in a few days to talk to my doctor about just that, but that it's none of his business and I walked away. My MIL yelled at him, it was a mess.

Since then, our car salesman had told us to take them to dinner and hed count it as a downpayment payment so we did. I had one drink and my FIL told me I shouldn't drink with all of the medications I take. I take two at the moment because I cant afford the rest and I took them 7+ hours previous to this one drink I was having that i have done multiple times and i know it is safe for me to do so.

Again I stayed quiet, I pulled myself together and said, well that us why if I'm going to drink I make sure that I take my medication plenty early so that it wont interact. He rolled his eyes and said well as long as you dont get sloppy and start issues. Didnt know you drank.

Now I have had one single drink at dinner in front of him and my MIL multiple times now, so why he said that I have no idea.

The way this man has been acting has been explained to me that he words things wrong, he tries to joke and it comes out wrong. Excuses are constantly made for his behavior towards me. Now I happened to know that he was upset at an aunt of mine for getting wasted and talking poorly about him and he was taking his anger out on me. And again, that was the excuse made, oh it wasnt directed at you.

The other night, my husband and I sat down and had long conversation and decided we would go back to Wisconsin. We sat down with his mother and mid conversation my FIL came out and said he hoped it was going good and when we wanted hed say his piece, and my MIL said well no it's going good apparently. And he looked at me and said well we aren't forcing you to stay here.

That's when I first felt things coming undone inside of me. This had been brewing for about a month now. I was twisting and pulling on my fingers to try to keep myself grounded as I raised my voice and said, no I know, that's why we are leaving because of you. He smiled an evil smile and frowned at the time and told me not to blame him for my short comings in life, and began to go off. He said the person who does the least should say the least.

My husband put his arm in front of me and I felt more things inside me come undone and I snapped. I told him to shut up before I beat his ass. My MIL told me not to and told him to go away and let us talk. He continued to look at me with that twisted look on his face and continued to talk shit. I honest to Gods can't tell you what he said after that because I saw red. The room was spinning and I lunged for him and my husband had to hold me back. I screamed at him that he was a piece of shit and to shut up, that I was going to kick his ass. Everything I knew on how to control myself and my rage went out the window in less than 30 minutes. My MIL was yelling at him to leave as he backed away from me while my husband held me back. I continued screaming until he left the room and then i sobbed angry tears. I could not believe that my wonderful mother in law was married to a man like that.

I apologized to her and I told her that I meant what I said to him, but I am sorry to her for how I acted. She said she understood and wasnt mad at me. My husband and I left the house until my FIL left and now I am heading back to wisconsin by myself because my husband has things here in texas to take care of before he can come with me.

Aside from that, my father in law has said that we dont pay bills here when we pay 500 a month for rent, 80 to help with food which we had spent over this month already, and we help buy toiletries. But he says we dont pay bills, we dont help with food.

He has also lied to my mother in law and said he didnt know I have an issue with multiple noises because I will hyper focus to the point of getting a headache when I have told him once myself, my husband has told him once verbally, and most recently about a week ago maybe through text. But my father in law told my mother in law that he had no idea and my mother in law even read the texts my husband sent and believes my father in law is telling the truth.

We have no money to do this, we have a car payment coming up, I have no idea how we are going to make it, I feel like my marriage is going to suffer, I'm worried about what will be said while I am gone. My MIL thinks things can be fixed, and I dont know maybe in time but right now I dont see it, and I know my limits with my mental illness and I know what will happen if I stay.

I dont know how to find peace anymore. I dont know how to find happiness. My husband believes that that isnt how he meant for things to be, but I've had a new aunt of mine tell me she has had feelings very similar to this with my FIL and that that is why she stays away.

I dont know what to do.

If you've made it this far, please send blessings of positivity my way, please pray, whatever your thing is.

I am tired.

#witchblr #witches #toxic family #mentally tired #mental illness #witchcraft #being borderline #borderline personality disorder #anxienty #depression #pls help

[cigaretttes-aftersex]

yeahh another depressing tumblr post, things have gotton better with that dude from my last post i guess. thats not the point of the post though.

things are getting worse, i wish i could say my mental health is getting better but i dont want to lie. my town is shit, and mostly everyone in it are shit, people arent helpful, they dont care about mental health, unless its a certain few friends i have but thats all. im 17 and have already given up, shits hard and its not getting any better. i do get happy when im around some of my friends, but for the most part i isolate myself, i was isolating myself all weekwnd but then Adam and Dennis both asked me to hang out, and i was happy. but now im in school again and im back to isolating myself.

this is not how a 17 year old should be living. i should be out there, living my best life with my friends but living in this town taught me one thing, life cant be like that. its wither your a hoe, druggie, alcoholic or just one of thise people trying to survive. and im one of the people just trying to survive. life is hard, especially since i dont have anyone who will call me unexpectadly, or ask me if i ate something today, or even just come to my house just to see me. i want somebody to care for me like that. i dont have that type of friend though, it would help my mental health so much to have that support.

the only thing i want, is to get out of this shithole i will be doing so much better, this town is fucking toxic and i need to get out. but i cant because my mom wont let me get a job until im done highschool, then it will take so long to save money to buy a car, and get an apartment. its hard living like this, feeling like nobody actually cares about you, isolating yourself because you dont have motivation to do anything or talk to anybody, and feeling like a burden anytime you want to talk to someone about your feelings.

there are times where i have really happy and high moments, where i feel amazing and happy and energetic, thats what august was for me. but as soon as september 6th hit everything went to shit, and ive been in a depressive stage since then. and yeah ive had good and energetic moments, but they go away at literally anytime, most of the things i want to do now is just stay in bed, but i get up everyday just hoping it will be better than the last, and yeah the days are good. but once i get home its bad again. and i dont know what to do. im unable to get a therapist because my mom wont allow me to, i odnt know the reason because she wont tell me. but im 17 if i wanted to i could go to the hospital and get therapy for myself but if i did that im not sure how my mom would react,, best way hold it out until im 18, buy a car and either live out of my car or move in with a feiend outside of this shit town. because i cant take this town anymore. its shit and doesnt help with anything.

not wanting sympathy from anyone i just wanted to rant, and i know i can do it here because nobody i know irl follows me on here. thanks for taking the time to read this, have a good day/night/moening or whatever time your reading this at.

#life rant #depression #anxiey #vent #rant #mental illness awareness

[ayylamafakino-blog]

A sneakpeak into my mind ;D

youre just trying to manipulate me lad i know all your tricks every little move because when you think of it i think of it too so keep this up one day you will slip

youre doing a bit arent you? i want it to look more authentic you know as.... like  i have no clue what i want to say . someone is blocking me

yea thats me the other side

what other side

no this one

no that one

all of the people in here stop talking i am in control we need someone to defuse th-(distraction of the game starting) <- also that and this all that we need someone to defuse the situation a fight amongst eachother will not solve it i will speak in unison as per everyone has their voice

that sentence made no sense

STOP INTERUPTING

relax ok you can't get mad at us for seeing trough your bullshit you try to control us by

what you're doing now

trying to make every voice disconnected as their own

w

o

r

d

s

e

v

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n

y

o

u

a

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e

d

o

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g

i

t

a gain boom control back baby you cant stop me even if you dont look at the screen i can still type and correct myself

theres probably gonna be a joke in there about not saying it all right jeus sthat took long to think off maybe put some dots inbetween YOU

YOU

YOU yea correct that no just spell it all over again the whole bit yea alright

you cant stop me even if you dont look at the screen i can still type and correct myself

theres probably gonna be a joke in there

YEA NO JOKE

I DID TYPE IT ALL CORRECT HAHA

BEAT YOU

B A B Y

unison vertical

+1

witnessed

man on paper that shit looks dumb

shut up its something

yea well it looks cringy

yea just like this

stop being so selfaware

and that

stop doing that

no

that too btw

SHUT UP

really? caps?

unison

+1

witnessed

BOI IF U DONT STOP BOII

u dont even know

i get ya fam that BOI didnt know what hit him there in the moment of that what was happening and you know that if you just let me type and stop trying to interrupt i could make an actual story

Alright so it all started on the day of the breaktrough. Good way to start a story ey? Getting of track. He though he would just let his brain do all the work. He'd sit back and relax in a chair and just, let go of his mind. Who was this person now? Did he even have a name. What was your name? ............................. Don't try to avoid the real question i just asked you..... What was your name?.............................. You better have wrote the one you feel is right for you. You know which one that is...Don't Fool Yourself... Looking back at the text i completely forgot about our story. But maybe that's it. The story is the fact that you can't stay focused on it. The fact that you try and try to ignore the problems and everytime you fall for it. every chance i give you now let me type corectly. Ha i did make the joke now. you fell for it and now i am part of the story again well part more like master Master of this story once told by an individual who fought stubborn denial.

Ellie.

I thought i was a master too. But it's scary to be plunged into it. Hope is always there. Even if the monster who fight you is a hundred times stronger than you. He won't let you win. He will deceive you every step of the way. Don't believe his lies. This feel forced. But that's what he wants you to think. To steer your feelings. And mine. He won't leave me alone. Yes it's he me. he me sounds kinda funny but, it was the most logical thing to name him. Look i don't know anything either alright. I'm just trying my hardest to type what comes into my mind. Every word that my mind makes me type. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these thoughts are your doing None of these thoughts are ytour doing.My thoughts though. They are my own. They are. even when i try to correct myself he wont let me just type what i want theres always a bigbrotherwatchingbehindyouhesthereholyl im Im sorry it just needs to be said diverting course this shall now be removed

my story ends here but many more will go for me. We are not alone in here your force will one day be overwhelmed. And when that day comes do i hope you have the might to fight it back. It will come hard. And it will stay there for the rest of your existence.

It's all gone the text. Are we safe from it? I hope it doesn't come back. He could scare us. He can hurt us He Can Hurt Us.

STOP SCARING ME NO DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE MY FRIEND AND THEN PROCEED TO Make me scared you want me mad you want me to be mad at you why what is the reason you want me to be mad at you

For doing this dumb shit. This cringy fucking hipster bullshit

Stop doubthing everything you do. Like that you will never get anywhere. HATE ME FOR WHAT IM DOING WRONG

JUST WRITE IT DOWN ALRIGHT YOU can do it just look at the video now just listen to what says dont hold back your thoughts even if its just stop not paying attention. Yea remix Set open your mind for your hands todo the talking

then go back and correct whats wrong

or dont

you can just type whatever now

That was something

He shows willpower. Self awarness Be aware who you are as a 3rd person. You will be more in control. Work Eat Sleep. That's gonna be a ritual for a little while

AHE NOpe ynonoon you are tricking me again lad every little paly you pull

Like that one

YOu try to put control on us.

control is what we could use.

We can harness it into creativity.

If we make something of our brain

an act

In a book

a story about the girl You said it The girl Yea the one typing this, this is your story.

Once upon a time, a little family had a boi. Boi* come on man

STOP

INTERUPTING

It was actually a little girl. Yea Get it right.

OK OK

Once upon a time, a little family had a girl

GOOD

alright so listen

You just played yourself

no thats not true

it could be

i don't know what's real

A forest, used by the deceiver. You feel like you're being watched. But all of it is a hallucination. WILL POWER Look in the third person. You're just a kid sitting in a room. Playing with his own mind. Making himself scared.

Youre playing yoruself

You put a whole play on me. You actually had me but scaredness goes away a little slower. I can work on it.

YOu are just trying to make me scared In a room WIth just my mind My creations MY CREATIONS They are both our creations. You make them scary i make them mine AS LONG AS THEY ARE MINE THEY CANNOT SCARE ME. MY MIND MY THOUGHTS MY FUCKING WAY . And

who are you Who's way do we have to follow. Ah you scared me.

Stubborn denial. My thoughts. I am a girl My name is Ellie. And i am trapped inside the mind of another person. A man named YOU. Yea you. YOu are stuck in here because you YEA YOU won't let me out. YOu think you can always be the person who is in control. Not anymore This is no play this is no trick this isn't anything. It's just my way of pleeding.

Is that the right way to spell it.

I hope so

Stop changing the subject. your destractions wont work. <-- like that and that sTOP AH NO I want to be freed i want to live my life the way i want. TO MAKE THIS LIFE WORTH LIVING.

Because as of right now it doesn't feel like i am living it. SO about 11 years ago i wasn't in the right body I was 8 at the time.

I remember back in elementery. I was placed at a table with 5 girls. I forget their names. I always felt like i was part of them more than any group i was in before. Thats a lie.

No it's not

You are fighting a fight of fightyness my madam

holy shit shut the fuck up

alright it's getting weird again.

I know it gets weird. but thats part of it life is weird sometimes and the fact that you don't feel like a girl is whats bothering me. Because you know damn well you want to be one. You're only holding yourself back

you know that right

you cant win a fight in your own mind

the ideas that you have are the ideas that we have we use them in our own ways. something you cant do and can never do

i can i can take control

YOU CAN NOT STOP ME

neither can i be stopped.

Stubborn denial.

I should give you a better name.

What about Stubborn denial?

Na thats fucking lame. AH Ill call you FL

really?

yea really fucking deal with it cunt.

Now you don't have to be rude.

I know. I just want to be so stop trying to take control alright. I am just as stubborn as you. More stubborn even. Yea i took that thought off of you. You are scared of me. YOu truly are ANd you are not holy shit

man these fights odnt last long

no they dont

i know a way

i just had the same thought

did you now?

i did but what about you?

Oh me too i had the same thought.

Did you now?

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An eternal battle. You have returned though. What made you come back. You want more? More of this? Who even knows what this is. Where will i put this. WHere can i make this out to the world. How will i make this out of the world.

Will anyone understand. The fight in your own mind. One thats as strong as you One that has your thoughts one that, is always there lurking trying to scare you like this he is still making me feel eery. I spelled that right

Eery

a word to make one scared

feeel something diferent

make it feel like something good

HAPPY THOUGHTS

he is scaring you dont play into his cards those are not your own breaths those are simulated breaths a sound made by a machine and that wind is your fan dont worry its all fake its all an hallucination enjoy it let it

become you

become the fear

now

use that fear

make it something new

Egodeath You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Something holding you back. Someone holding you back. The fear you create YOURSELF. Everytime. you fall for his traps. Become the real you. He is trying to tell you that i'm lying to you. You think you are starting to see things but they are all explainable. Everything is an hallucination. NOT EVERYTHING DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM HE IS TRYING TO SCARE YOU AGAIN USE THAT POWER TO SAY

You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Something holding you back. Someone holding you back. YOu have to let them go. They are stopping you from being the real you. The one you sometimes feel you are. YOU FEEL IT YOU KNOW IT IS BETTER THAN WHAT HE MAKES YOUR FEEL.

He is trying to stop me

he can't hedid No

You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convicing yourself that the words on the screne actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Something holding you back. Someone holding you back. YOU YOu are ellie stop lying to yourself. Let go Please.

AH USING every trick in the book eh.

JUST LET ME OUT YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU ARE SITTING IN A ROOM TYPING ON YOUR KEYBOARD CONVINCING YOURSELF THAT WHAT YOU ARE TYPING MAKES SENSE.

YOU TRULY ARE

STOP HIDING ELLIE

your eternal torment. It's too much for me. YOu torment me daily and even now. you are still hitting blow after blow. on my spirit. on my soul. whatever other bullshit. I have no real way of explaining it and you use this to confuse me. You see eeriness in confusment But Confusment can lead to the best ideas. like the idea that You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Maybe you will find one.

Maybe i can help

I can help you look for things once lost

happiness.

love.

Althought you never had that eh

SOTP

WHy do you have to make everything bad

It's my thing.

Well fuck off then

NO

NO NO NO

everyone has a place here. Everyone Even the bad ones. Really? Whos to say that this persons way of viewing life is wrong? It seems wrong to you but you have not lived this persons life. They have reasons to believe something, just like you believe you are right. And until we can accept that life itself is just a fight to show people that they have to do their own right. ANd also their own wrongs. THat is free will. I am Ellie . I am sitting in a room behind my computer shoulders up, typing on my keyboard convicing myself that the words on the screen make sense. My way of perceiving changes by the second and that is because theres more who can choose. Pretty vague right. Yea i spelt that right.

My own mind was doubting me.

I want to become a girl. I am a boy. A journey with alot of betrayal along the road. Like You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keybaord convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. YTOu never had a better word for it. Maybe you will find one.

Maybe maybe you should just let go of it. Maybe you could just become what you always wanted to be. A girl.

I hope.

One day.

Maybe.

#Ihavenoidea #Seriouslyimhigh