#these two are gonna be the death of me

[miracletyrant]

Arthur Lester and living for someone else: an essay I dreamt up while I had the flu

First, some clarification: when I say living for someone else, I mean taking them into consideration in your life. It is not about catering unhealthily to them, or enslaving yourself to their whims. living for someone else is the difference between feeling love for someone and acting on it. It's about treating love as an action.

In episode 31, we learn a lot about Arthur's past. While Bella was giving birth, he said to James, "I can't live for someone else!" and he wasn't wrong. He loves Faroe, even if he didn't love Bella, but he didn't truly live for her. Don't get me wrong; he wasn't a neglectful father. He was kind to her and tried to spend time with her. Ultimately, he made few sacrifices for her, but not none.

Once she was gone and Parker had helped him restore his will to live, he found contentment. And this is the most important part; he wasn't unhappy living for himself, having no one worry about where he was or what he was doing, and having no one depend on him. He was fine.

But he wasn't thriving. Guilt and loss aside, he was living the life he would've, had he never gotten Bella pregnant. And yet, despite everything, despite knowing that he prefers a life lived just for himself, Arthur still said that the time he spent with Faroe--for Faroe, so to speak--was the happiest of his life. He didn't allocate much time to that selfless joy, the joy of telling fairy tales to his little girl, of dedicating time to her, but he was happier with her than he would've been without her. Happier carving out a piece of himself and giving it to her, sharing it with her, hollowing out a space in his world for her to be safe and loved in.

But he did cave to himself. He didn't dedicate as much to her as a father should, because he didn't want to live for someone else.

Cut to episode 20. This is a different Arthur than the man who fathered Faroe. This Arthur has lost absolutely everything, except John.

Arthur has made up his mind. He knows he can't beat the King in Yellow, but he also refuses to let him have John. He knows that John doesn't want to return to the King, and he knows John doesn't want to die. But John has no real agency over his fate, as he is trapped within Arthur. John can't fight back, and he can't run away. The only way he can be protected from those terrible fates is if Arthur puts himself aside entirely and thinks only of John.

So he does. He faces the King, knowing that he might die, knowing that he might fail, but completely unwilling to make a call that would doom John. And the King sees that. That's why, during the confrontation, he says to Arthur, "You despise me... and yet you love him."

That line. That beautiful, poignant line, spoken so contemplatively by the bloodthirsty god of madness. He seeks to understand Arthur, to manipulate him, to find his true intention, and that is what he finds. "You love him" means "You act singularly out of love for John, with his best interest at the core of your every decision."

He knows, because of this, that he has lost. So he chooses to take out his anger on Arthur instead.

It would've been easier for Arthur to give up while his bones were being broken. He was helpless to stop the torment, but he knew he had the knife. He could've killed himself once he realized that he was going to be subject to eternal torture, and it would've made sense. But he didn't. In fact, he begged John not to return to the King even while screaming in agony, even knowing that if John left, the pain would end. Because John's fate mattered more to him than his own. So long as he endured, John would live.

It wasn't until he realized that John was leaving, sacrificing everything for him, that he decided to kill himself. If John was doomed regardless, then this way, at least he would be free from the King. And if Arthur's motivation was at all unclear--perhaps he was sacrificing himself because of all the people the King would hurt once fully restored--he clarifies it later, in season 3.

"I died for you. For a fucking voice in my head, that stole my eyesight. I fucking died for that. Do you have any idea how insane that sounds?"

It does sound insane. But he doesn't even mention the even crazier thing he did; being willing to live for the voice in his head. To live through unfathomable agony and terror of the King's torture, just to protect John. Dying for him was his last resort, because he shares a body with him. Dying for John could only save him from something worse than death.

This means that in order to love John, Arthur has to live for him in every way possible. He has to care for himself in order to care for John. He has to do things he doesn't want to do--like maybe one day sit through a film he can't see--to care for John. Every single experience--good and bad--that he has brings John life and humanity, and every good thing he does shows John how beautiful the world can be. His patience and forgiveness helps John to grow his own sense of compassion.

The core beauty of their relationship lies within this, at least for me. Arthur Lester, a man unable to live for anyone but himself, is put in a position where everything he does has a potent effect on a lost fragment of an eldritch being. And despite what that being is, despite the bloodlust and violence of his entire existence, he slowly becomes someone so full of love and compassion that he can hardly stand to ignore a person in need. Even before growing close with Arthur, he knew compassion from his new desire to grow. He wanted Arthur to spare the wraith in season 1, because he wanted to know that monsters can be saved and redeemed. And he kept growing from there. John shed his first ever tears for an innocent animal. He looked through Arthur's cruel words in season 3 and understood that they were fueled by self-hatred, and he stuck by him and refused to let him drown in his darkest moments. He was willing to risk everything for strangers victimized by a terrible monster. He begged Arthur not to take the stone from Mr. Scratch, because in doing so, someone innocent would have to pay the price.

Of course he isn't perfect (ahem, that whole thing with Oscar), but he has been loved enough to be transformed completely. He has been loved enough to return that love, not only to Arthur, but to people he doesn't know. Because Arthur lived for him.

#sorry this is so long lmao #these thoughts have been churning in my head since i finished the podcast #it's just so beautiful #their relationship is so complex and fascinating #these two are gonna be the death of me #jarthur #privateeyes #john doe #arthur lester #malevolent #malevolent podcast #qpr #kayne #the king in yellow #faroe

[yourvirtualhusband]

LISTEN TO ME, RN. LISTEN.

you cannot tell me kazuki isn't in love with rei.

YOU SIMPLY CANNOT GET ME TO BELIEVE YOU AFTER THIS EPISODE.

This seals the fucking deal after he said that miri's actions was a result of their genes in the episode before this.

no one looks at their homies with this much love in their eyes.

if you looking at your friend like this while they sleep, i hate to break it to you, you're in love with them.

i will die on this hill, i will go DOWN WITH THIS SHIP, IDC.

YOU CANNOT PRY THESE TWO AWAY FROM ME EVER.

#spacenako'sthoughts #buddy daddies #buddy daddies spoilers #kazurei #reikazu #kazuki x rei #rei x kazuki #everyone i present: them. #these two are gonna be the death of me #they are in love #they are soulmates

[ze-pie]

nana manga spoilers below vv

Just,,,,, the way theyre just casually flirting with eachother and laying down talking on the phone like theyre in highschool, the way nana jokes about romantically meeting at a hotel for their anniversary but hachi is 100% down so shes left flustered and blushing, the heart background in the last panel i just, i cANT,,

#these two are gonna be the death of me #nana #nana komatsu #nana osaki #nana x hachi #nanahachi #i finally finished the manga #well finished quote unquote #cuz were left hanging 🥲 #but its fine #ive been in hiatus limbo before #cries in haruhi

[monstermemories]

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP AT THE SCENE WHERE SHADOW LOOKS SO CONCERNED AFTER THEY SUCKED THE PRISM ENERGY OUT OF SONIC

#sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonadow #sonic prime #sonic prime spoilers #THESE TWO ARE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME

[lecilly]

this pic comes back to haunt me weekly.. like i can never escape.. WHY is nico holding his hand like that 😭

this geniunely feels like a beautiful friendship that was lost because of a championship.. no wonder none of these two can move on.. yes BOTH of them can't move on, don't piss me off with the 'lewis doesn't care' agenda when he's been avoiding saying nico's name like the plague 😭 i could write thousands of words about lewis’ strange coping mechanism ✨✨

#these two are gonna be the death of me #srs #beautiful friendship #turned sour #not a single telenovela managed to do what these two have done #their lives are so entertwined it makes you wonder #nico rosberg #lewis hamilton #brocedes #nr6 #lh44

[giogiostart]

Just not today…

#carry on #snowbaz #this is actually part of a bigger proyect but i haven’t make the rest yet lol #these two are gonna be the death of me #carry on simon #simon snow #baz pitch #baz grimm pitch #rainbow rowell #digital art #digital fanart #my art

[fujoshigirl7]

Wolfwood and his appreciation for vash's honest smile saga continues

He really gets bothered by his fake laugh a lot

End part of the saga's here!

#trigun 1998 #trigun #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #these two are gonna be the death of me #all of this packed in one episode

[sharpened-kris]

“They took everything from me.” “I’m still here.”

“Yeah, you’re still here!” “…For now.” “What?” “I mean we all die at some point right?” “…Yeah.”

I'M GONNA FUCKING CRY MAN. SHE'S GONNA DIE AT SOME POINT AND HE'S GONNA HAVE TO KEEP LIVING.

#qsmp #liveblogging #badboyhalo #baghera #THESE TWO ARE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME

[heretherebedork]

Even when King's mother is the one causing trouble, he's more concerned about Uea than himself and turns any concern Uea has for him around back to him and to making sure he's okay. King doesn't know how to be worried about and he's never had to learn.

#kinguea #king x uea #bed friend the series #bed friend #bl drama #thai bl #thai drama #thai series #thaibl #asianlgbtqdramas #bl series #asian lgbtq dramas #thai bl series #uea x king #ueaking #bed friend series #these two are gonna be the death of me

[bryan-cranston-is-hot]

they’re doing it again 🥺

#bryan cranston #aaron paul #dos hombres #these two are gonna be the death of me #pics

[who0ligan]

bro, who tf got you smilin like that?

them

#these two are gonna be the death of me #Blake teasing Yang with all them puns was too much for my little heart #bumbleby #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #rwby volume 9 #rwby v9 spoilers #rwby spoilers

[stitchkiss]

my thiam bugs bunny communist post is still circulating and i just want to say that i LOVE the totally and completely unprompted “we” theo throws out when liam’s a hair away from murking gabe in the locker room. theo rly said we’re all in this together bitch now get that shovel !!!

it feels incredibly intimate tbh. there’s no reason for theo to insert himself into liam’s most recent murder attempt like that. theo’s all “i help you if it helps me blah blah blah” but how does meticulously working out the kinks of liam’s half baked murder plot help theo in any way? it doesn’t. the pack would be absolutely pissed if they went through with it, even more so at theo for encouraging it than at liam. like there’s no question that theo would help liam commit a felony, but the fact that theo knows liam is better than that (and wants him to be better than theo) and flawlessly goads liam into calming down by being a total bitch gains theo absolutely nothing. liam’s all “why are you helping me” bitch. you know why. idk how anyone can doubt theo cares for liam when he’s so committed like that.

#these two are gonna be the death of me #thiam #liam dunbar #theo raekan #teen wolf #i haven’t been this insane about a ship in so long #i should have used we in the meme instead of our but it’s whatever #stitchkiss

[lewmilton]

#these two are gonna be the death of me #aaron ramsdale #ben white #arsenal #arsenal fc

[riordanverse-madness]

Nico: I failed my safety training course today.

Reyna: Why, what happened?

Nico: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"

Reyna: And?

Nico: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

#nico di angelo #ghost king #death boy #nico and reyna have the best friendship by far #nico and reyna #reyna avila ramirez arellano #reyna ramirez arellano #✨️Ra Ra✨️ #my queen #pjo fandom #percy jackson books #pjo #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #rick riordan #heroes of olympus #pjo hoo #pjo hoo toa #hoo #these two are gonna be the death of me #they're two little shits and i'm here for it

[highdreamerphantom]

Me screaming at Ellie to at least hold the needle over a lighter because if Joel doesn't die from his wound he sure as hell will from whatever was on that crusty ass needle

#I'm not a professional but cleaning it with a tissue would probably also have been better #or spit #let's hope they still have some antibiotics in the post apocalyptic world #the last of us #tlou spoilers #the last of us spoilers #ellie tlou #joel tlou #these two are gonna be the death of me #joels look of realization when he saw that needle

[emeritusterzo]

I keep trying not to be delusional BUT MR HAUSEN ISN’T HELPING

#these two are gonna be the death of me #danhausen #cm punk