#there’s not a sane thought in my mind

[becauseplot]

i feel i should preface this with saying that this relationship analysis "takes place" before qcellbit's emotional exhaustion and motivation crash---

---but i have been having SUCH crazy thoughts abt the archivists (qcellbit n qphilza). guy who needs evidence of Everything 🤝 guy who takes pictures of and hoards Everything. two-cars-passing-each-other meme whenever cellbit (practically nocturnal at this point) makes a late-night run to the Ordo to grab some notes he left there and bumps into phil (trouble sleeping ever since the birdhouse incident) who's sitting in one of the evidence rooms organizing a new backpack of photos to hand over to cellbit.

"oh. hey phil." "hi mate."

their conversations and interactions center mostly around cellbit's investigations---the ones cellbit lets the public know about, anyway---and whatever new info phil managed to scoop up since the last time they saw each other. theories are exchanged, and photos are passed between them as easily as pleasantries. "how're you doing?" "oh, doin' alright, doin' alright. you?" "eh. busy, you know?"

they don't talk about much else.

see, they both understand secrets. intimately. things you did you would much rather leave behind you, if you can, or thoughts, worries, doubts you would much rather keep to yourself for fear of speaking them into existence. sealed lips; a tight lid. they look at each other and know they're only seeing what the other wants them to see, but that's okay. they get it. sometimes, it's just easier to focus on what is directly in front of you. what you can see, what you can touch; what you know is true, what you know is real.

what you can do.

so cellbit generates and bounces his theories off of phil, and phil is more than happy to be a sounding board. phil fills up a backpack with photographs, and cellbit is more than happy to take it off his hands. they focus on The Work, on the spiderweb of red string and loose ends and grainy pictures and scrawled notes pinned to the wall, madness-incarnate sprawled out before them. they trust each other's judgement, and they trust each other's skills, and they trust each other, and neither asks too many questions. they both appreciate it.

#like seriously most of their conversations thus far have been about everything and everyone BESIDES themselves. #and that!! makes for such an interesting relationship!! bc they trust each other despite it!! #btw i rly tried to format this so that the concepts/ideas touched on this relationship study usually came in pairs- #-the first of each pair being mostly and cellbit and the second being mostly about phil- #-with the exception of the bolded sentence which is supposed to have different meanings depending on whose perspective- #-you read it from. idk i had a lot of fun formatting this. me when parallels me when mirror images <33 #dont mind me im just rambling #qsmp philza #qsmp cellbit #q!philza #q!cellbit #also phil acting as cellbit's rubber duck is so important to me actually. #shout out to every friend of mine who has put up with my wall of texts abt an au or writing idea or incoherent mess of disjointed thoughts. #shout out to every friend of mine who's been there hanging out or on call with me as i lose my mind on a problem im whiteboarding. #u keep me sane and u help me more than u know. ily. #archivists #archivist duo

[fluentisonus]

working full time with normal hours has convinced me more than ever that actually high school Could have been a sane & even enjoyable time for me if it weren't for the homework. sick & twisted tbh

#i spent all of high school continually behind on my work/desperately trying to make it up/getting ~4 hrs of sleep a night/full of #guilt over it/feeling like i was losing my mind/not eating properly/trying to do my hw at lunch/etc etc whatever #& now I'm waking up/going out about the same time as i was & getting home only a little later and i have None of that i have to do & I'm #eating regularly & sleeping like 8hrs a night I'm looking back on that like what the fuck. that was so fucked up & evil i had to go through #all that. what the hell. #<- i mean i sort of knew this but i genuinely thought getting up early/spending so long at school/etc was also a major contributer #but like. it's literally not. I can do all that just fine when i ferl like a normal sane healthy person. it was literally just the hw. #hw is evil fr. what are we doing to our kids etc etc #thoughts #I say regular hours bc i have worked full time before but it was w such weird hours I couldn't really make the comparison

[hopper-wheeler]

4.05 | The Nina Project 4.08 | Papa

#strangerthingsedit #stranger things #strangerthingsedits #dailystrangerthings #tvstrangerthings #filmtv #jim hopper #eleven #mike wheeler #nessa007 #hawkinslibrary #*mine #i have THOUGHTS #also this has been in my drafts forever and i just never felt like posting it because i want to try and do more creative stuff #but uni is kicking my ass and i never feel creative anymore #so i'm probably just gonna gif whatever scene is in my mind atm and maybe that'll be enough to keep me sane til january 20th

[yet-another-haven-of-dollya]

do you dislike Eden?

The point still stands.

I as a content creator/artist don't hate or dislike any character. Even if their acts disgust me, that's still a way to know they successfully fulfilled their given role and I can base on that to create content for them.

My PCs are different since they're living in that world, they are engaged with all the events and stuffs, so their feelings may not as same as mine - their creator and merely a watcher/enjoyer.

Ah but none of my PCs are willing to be a house spouse and be hunted constantly and dragged back to a cabin in the forest and especially got the Stockholm syndrome fucked into their system so they both give Eden their middle fingers : D

#dollya ask #dol pc #eden the hunter #dol eden #Once I told Gululu that after seeing some fanart I think Eden is not too bad and she looked at me with horor in her eyes #As if she thought I've lost my mind #But I clarified that I only think his fanart's juicy #none of my PC have any spare hole for that barbarian #and Gululu was so relieved she said “good you're still sane”

[uncivilcivilservice]

So turns out the birth control pill I take is totally out of stock everywhere due to a supply issue.

Thing is I'm sure most of the pharmacy workers I'm calling frantically are thinking "Jesus wept just don't have sex for a while" but no babe you don't understand, I'm a virgin and a lesbian, but I start going genuinely delusional if I don't take this medication 🤪

#I've been off it for a week already because I'm an idiot and also bank holidays #I really don't have the luxury of getting into the frame of mind when I feel like I'm in hiding from the government #because if they find out I can cause terror attacks and plane crashes with my thoughts they are going to lock me up or kill me #I have a dissertation due in 10 days okay brain just stay sane until then

[socialc1imb]

Welcome back Pyrite Girl.

#how unsightly! why dont you like me? you know i shine the most #not to boast! #ive broken my mind one million times now not one mark on me is out of line and i am made of gold! #ive ascended! just as intended! #it doesnt quench my thirst! im the worst! #im out of my mind! the perfect design! #<— /lyr #god i am normal and sane about this song and i have totally normal thoughts about it always #no i havent looped it for days now #NO im not lying

[ferociouslycreativemystery]

Merlin fic writers I adore you I am wrapping you up in my arms and never letting go from the bottom of my heart truly genuinely thank you so very much for your service you're all that's right in this world

#look there are fandoms #and then there's whatever eternal spring of fascination kind of hellish dark magic they put in this godforsaken sandpit of a show #it's the kind of obsession that falls dormant but will flare up at the most unexpected times to completely consume my unrecovered psyche #most things I can love without a thought in my mind #but this show just makes my head spin #there are SO many things to say and SO little time it's driving me mad #I have several 10s of thousands of words of unfinished unpublished fic on it cause the ideas just keep jumping out at me without warning #so everyone else - you're all that's keeping me sane #once again: thank you for your service #bbc merlin #maddie debrief

[absentmindedadmirer]

MISTER FUMIYA ITO REALLY MEANT IT WHEN HE SAID THEY WERE HIS SIX CUTE LITTLE MENSERVANTS ! ! !

I was freaking out over this all night. So I woke up and now the thoughts have been ruminating. BUT THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME!!!! Fumiya certainly puts a whole lot of emphasis on all of them being together as a group, he's the one who got them all together and our little fourth-wall breaking dude who's aware of everything-- the charsima charges, the charisma breaking, everything. So it means everything to me that he's included them in his break.

THEY ARE IMPORTANT TO HIM!!! THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO HIM !!!!

I feel {I'm projecting} that you can faintly hear the other 6 in the backgrounds of Ohse, Saru, and Amahiko's solos. But it's faint!!! It's so faint but like they are always there in the background because they are the ones that are always cheering the person who broke on, the one being their background support. And then those guys just bounced off of that.

For Ohse, these guys are cheering him on. That's why he was able to do the things he did because he could hear the other guys and that's all the motivation he needs.

For Saru, he receives the cheering and their support as validation. They're confirming that he's cool, they're supporting him!! Making him feel seen.

For Amahiko, they're like background dancers/support for his sexiness. They're always there, he's never thought twice about it, they're to always exist in his presence. That fact is just like any other fact.

Fumi... he knows. He's well aware that the charisma charge was a group effort-- he's aware of how much they contribute. He THANKS them and he places them on the front stage WITH him.

I think there's just a huge emphasis on them as a group-- as a team-- as a collective-- and I think this is the only thing that's going to be in my brain for a solid moment.

=== ALSO HYPMIC FANS GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND LISTEN TO THIS. IF YOU'VE LISTENED TO RIO'S SILLY ASS SOLO, COME OVER HERE LISTEN TO THIS AND THE WHOLE DISCOGRAPHY, YOU WON'T??!?!?!??!

I've already vocal kin-assigned them with much deliberation and cross reference. Fumiya = Samatoki with the energy of someone who just wants to go home

Rikai = Jyuto, that's a perfect match what the hell.

Saru = Dice, both howling out bars fr

Iori = Gentaro, that's no lie.

Ohse = Jyushi tone, Doppo energy

Terra = Saburo, why are they sticking so many effects in there-LeGaCy

Amahiko = Jakurai after he's downed too many bottles of alcohol. (MY FRIEND SAYING SEXY JAKURAI LIKE THAT MAN ISNT. ALREADY.)

=== {screams into the void} I will personally skip and twirl down the crsm rabbithole with anyone.

#charisma house #crsm #ito fumiya #ohse minato #terra #kei sarukawa #tendo amahiko #rikai kusanagi #iori motohashi #ITS SOOOOO??? #HYPMIC #CORE???????? #I THOUGHT RIOS SOLO WAS INSANE THEY DIDNT PREPARE ME FOR THIS OUGSGHKSHGKSGHSKGH #Youtube #long post #randys rambles and recs #im losing my mind mind im so sane #im just a normal lil guy #just like them!!!!!

[meezer]

world's most fucked sleep schedule

stayed up all night on new year's eve in hopes of fixing my sleep schedule (like 6am-1pm, sometimes even worse, got woken up at 5pm one day)

I got very very sleepy in my quest despite being determined to stay up so I napped from 8am to 10am

then I napped again from like... maybe 1pm to 3pm?

then I started getting sleepy early tonight and I was like fuck yes this is my moment. so I went to bed at 9pm. woke up at 12am. have not slept since 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

#I'm not actively being tormented at least but I'm having to actively keep my mind away from the bad thoughts #I've just been watching my dnd series 😭 I don't feel sane. I just want to sleep

[nerosdayinanime]

"Im worried what people would think of you then, that you're just a personal whore or something- i don't want to ruin your reputation.."

"Are you kidding? 'My dick was so good i got promoted-' Thats the biggest flex i can think of!"

"Well, you're certaintly enthusiastic about this."

#ive been thinking of the au from @planethoneybee's tags in that writing prompts post #on the topic of giyuu wanting sabito to have political power in case something happens or someone tries to pull shit- #him & shinobu debating the pros and cons of giving him title of concubine before giyuu brings up the social aspect #so shino calls sab in to get his thoughts on the matter directly and it made me laugh #another bit w sanemi- theyre at a meeting talking abt finances and theyre talking of cutting sanemi's beetle funding- #G: i can pay for it /Sane: what? /G: keep as much funding to the project as possible- i'll finance the rest of it out of my #own allowance. that works doesnt it? /Shino: i suppose. ..but you'd do that for beetles? /G: i see importance in it. /Shino: very well- #sanemi doesnt thank him or even mention it but he definitly looks at giyuu differently after that- he used his own shit to keep #the project going full blast? damn. he did that for sanemi's beetles. man. #somethn somethn giyuu bringing up the idea for shinobu to have a personal guard(/helper) as well #shinobu 'i know what you are' @ giyuu before he hurriedly explains he doesnt mean get a side hoe hes genuinely just #offering to find her a trusted guard/helper whos sole purpose is to do errands n shit specifically for her 'oh! that sounds nice actually' #'sab has someone in mind for you- says shes one of the best in the forces and a pleasant personality' 'ill see that for myself first' #'okay [thumbs up]' #im imaginging a mix between european kingdoms & east asian/chinese/japanese empires except i dont know shit about either #only thing i vaguely know is theres advisors & like sub-royalty & in traditional japanese more (/complex) layers of clothing = rich/royal #the 'sub royalty' has a name im p sure. i forgor. fuckiinnn. #nope its just not there. oh well. giyuu w the fingerless sleeve-gloves my FUCKING beloved #also vague thought of sabito & mitsuri wearing helmets that utilize their pink hair as fuckin. yk the european knights #w the stupid ponytail thing/romans w the gold helm/red mohawk thing. somethn like that #they wouldnt wear like full Heavy Armor like knights do their fighting styles & w the close-quarters they wouldnt need it #but like for Show at Fancy Pantsy Time theyd dress up similarly #loserboy giyuu posting #loverboy sabito posting #sabigiyuu #of all the shit i have for this au THATS the scene that gets front page. dick joke funniee #(in case its not clear text goes Giyuu-Sabito-Shinobu talking)

[yourplaceinaugust]

so im like mostly aromantic and like I don't experience romantic attraction most of the time and the few times that i thought i liked someone i ended up realizing i actually didn't at least that's how it was before now bc right now i think i like someone for real like not just finding someone pretty but like the whole i want to hold your hand and spend time with you and i want to love you and grow old with you and i have no idea how to deal with this

#inner thoughts to keep me sane #usually ill think im in love with somebody for like a month or two #and then they'll do something dumb #and ill go #oh actually i don't like you #and then ill look back at that time and cringe and move on #but like right now #i am feeling emotions and i don't know what to do #like when im around him im happy #and when im not around him all i want is to be around him #and like the most startling thing is #i don't think id mind if we kissed #i have always thought of kissing as something beautiful #but not for me #like it's this beautiful thing that exists outside of my life #but lately i don't feel that way #anyway ive been identifying as aroflux for the past year or so #but i think i might actually be demiromantic???? #idk there are so many arospec labels #and i half identify with a few #and like yeah labels dont matter #but i like labels #i like fitting things into little categories that help explain why things are the way they are #anyway im having this crisis in a walmart parking lot

[eversea143]

The thing about being a writer who likes to write villains, the kind of villains who have zero morals and zero care, is that you have to place your own headset into theirs in order to write them properly.

I can tell you with a quiet confidence when poison would work and when it wouldn't. I can tell you with certainty how one might rationalize child murder. I can tell you how one sneers down at those seen as lesser and why this can give someone satisfaction. I can tell you - and offer real-life proof - how mass-murder has down- and upsides. I can tell you how an evil mind plots the death of innocent people and not feel an ounce of remorse.

Sometimes I feel genuinely unsettled after writing my villains, not just because the stuff I write is a horror-addict's best dream, but because this is a mindset I am capable of imagining.

You can't imagine a mind that wouldn't functionally work. That's also why characters who act without a baseline seem so flat and fake. Everything has a reason, we rationalize even the irrational to justify something we've said or done.

"He deserves it" "She's mad" "I don't care" we always have a reason.

Even those who are evil down to the core justify their evil deeds; for most it's simply the satisfaction of being evil and doing whatever you want. Even when someone knows intimately that they're a bad person, the mind will conjur up a reason, an explanation, a cause to keep the mindset going. As long as their own emotions don't counteract how they think, things like guilt and remorse don't come into play. A person can perfectly kill someone and feel happy or even excited at their actions.

Humans aren't inherintly good or evil. But we are perfectly capable of being solely one or the other. The gray side exists and is best suited for a grand majority of the human population, but just as we believe children are the epitome of innocence, there exist people so full of nothing but hatred and rage that there's no chance - truly no viable path - of redemption. They're the kind of people you would gladly lock up, for whom even death may seem like a mercy.

I write characters like this. I delve into their twisted minds and figure out what rational they function with to do their horrid deeds. I do this by my own choice and the only thing that I can think after I'm done is "Thank god I'm not like this."

(At what point is my own reason any different from theirs?)

#introspection #i'm feeling philosopical tonight #no need to worry #i'm perfectly sane #just putting my thoughts down #writing #not actual writing #villains #mindset #diving into a villain's mind

[midnight-versse]

im totally spiraling no like i legit feel like im losing it- dodging reality w my mile-long list of fixations. its turning into a major prob. im constantly gabbing about my obsessions, totally ghosting reality. can't i just stay a silly teen forever, PLSSSS??? 😭😭😭

#im losing my mind #like wtf #tumblr fyp #spilled thoughts #half sane #hell is a teenage girl #send help #its hard to think about tags lol #idk what else to tag #bye

[cowardlycowboys]

looked at my body I have to lay down for a minute

#omg kiera no one cares #you know or I'll commit every violent thought crossing my mind #I'm sane I'm normal I'm fine I'm cool I'm nice I'm normal I'm sane I'm fine I'm cool

[zeyan]

have more old man art

#elden ring #morgott the omen king #im not obsessed im not #i want to sit in the park and feed the birds with him #sane and normal thoughts to have #dont mind me #sorry this is so small #idk how to force myself to draw bigger #and annoyed that it looks so much like the last one i did but whatever #oh forgot to tag this #my art #zart