#then again ive been up and busy since 5 am

[caramelcleopatraa]

iv. SUIT & TIE

word count : 1,400

x : hey y'all, its the owner of The Bank speaking! Finally got this shit finished, and I'm halfway into part 5 already 💋 Here are the playlists loves! I will actively be adding to these as the story progresses. We got ms. plot in the building as well xo

content : Mafia!Roman Reigns x Designer!Reader, suggestive

Playlists 💋 Spotify Apple Music

“Rommannn! Are you done yet baby?” A high pitched yell on the other side of the door startles you. Roman’s grip on you tightens and you give him a confused look. He plants a tender kiss on your cheek, leaving you a little bit flustered, and he smiles at your flustered expression. His hand pushes your head down on his shoulder and you take a deep breath. 

“Yeah. Just be patient, ok?” Roman says sternly. “But Baaeee! You’ve been in there too lon-” “I’m not finna tell you again. Wait,” Roman says, rubbing the back of his neck. Annoyance was written all over his face. De’arra groans in defeat and the comfortable silence settles back into the atmosphere

‘Pleeaase! Please! Pleeaassee! Don’t let this turn into some drama…’

You let your nails drag across his chest. “Am i gon’ have to worry about her fucking up my shop?” 

“Nah, she all bark no bite,” Roman says, looking down at your hands. “She’s not that petty or jealous.” You look at him with your eyebrow raised. ‘For him to be a ladies man, he should know how petty bitches are. ESPECIALLY when it comes to a man.’ “I hope so. I don’t wanna deal with yo’ loose ends,” You say, getting off of him and standing up to pick your bottoms off of the floor. 

“I got my shit together girl. I already told you i’m not fucking with her. She’s only around me cause her daddy likes my money.” ‘Money? Who’s her dad?’

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

“The couples are finished.” Aahkilah yells at you from the otherside of the door. Both of you get dressed and clean up the dressing room. You were about to walk out of the room until Roman grabbed your hand and pulled you closer to him. You were going to question why he pulled you away before his hands rose above your head. His hands firmly smooth down your hair and fixed some stray hairs. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him. He handled you with such care and delicacy. You tell him thank you and he responds with a short hum.

 You open the door to greet your clients. Gio and Madison are working as cashiers, ringing both of them up for their suits and dresses. Jey and Jimmy are putting in their payments while Talia and Trinity are talking. “Girl come over here real quick!” You hear Talia yelling at you to come over. From the tone in her voice, you couldn’t tell what this conversation was going to be about. However, you wouldn’t be in the dark for much longer. “Wassup?”

“Girl you ain’t hear?” Trinity says looking at you with a confused face. You shrug your shoulders and replied, “I be busy. Enlighten me.” “There’s a new family trying to replace the Anoa’i family.” Talia crosses her arms and sits into her hip. The blank expression on your face says everything. The Anoa’i family has been managing Florida for decades. To challenge them would be like walking straight into a turf war. Apparently, someone wanted that war. “They’re offering hella bank tryna take their spot too. I wonder if that shit’s fake… or a bluff maybe.” 

“They’ll take that offer back when they realize who they’re messing with,” You mutter to your friends.  Even your family didn’t dare challenge them, because they’re smart enough to know it’ll go every other way but good. Your family, the Semele’s and the Anoa’i family have always been on good terms. The Semele’s don’t own turf however, they are known for having access to a lot of things most mafia’s don't. Your family is known for being suppliers of information, stolen goods, weapons, you name it. So if Reigns is being threatened, that means you could be in trouble too, since everyone knows these two families are tightly tied together. A power duo, if you will. 

“You’re not worried about this?” Trinity’s face is laced with concern for you. You shrugged your shoulders and rolled your eyes. “This could just be a scare tactic, and those don’t work on me,” You said confidently as you gave them a reassuring smile. 

“That’s not something for a pretty lady to worry about. I’ll handle it,” Roman says, looking straight into your eyes. Goddamnit, those eyes. Somehow they made you so flustered. His presence was enough on its own, but his stare was so damn powerful. You were ashamed that someone you had only met an hour ago was making you so giddy and out of character. The tension between you two was thick, and everyone was starting to see it. “You gon’ let me handle it?”

“Well you're not gonna let me handle it?”

“It’s not your problem,” Roman says sternly, deading the conversation then and there. You walk closer to the cashier desk to talk to him directly. “Is this your way of caring for me?” Roman smirks at your comment. “When I said I'd take care of you, I wasn't just talking about that pussy.” Gio and Madison’s jaws drop at his comment. You could see them looking at you through the corner of your eye and you knew you would have to explain what he meant by that. You couldn't hide the smile forming on your face. “You like that?” You didn’t even have to look at him to know that he was smiling. You could hear it all in his tone. “Boy, I’m not playing with you,” you say, walking away, still wearing an existing smile. Roman laughs to himself and hands Gio a stack of cash.

“Neither am I.”

You finished another successful busy day. A shit load of fittings and pickups. Roman had someone pick up all of their suits and dresses, which completed all of your custom orders for the day. Finally, a chance to get off of your feet.

“Ummm what the hell was that this morning?” ‘Ahh shit’. You internally roll your eyes. Eventually, they were gonna bring it up to you. Maybe trying to play dumb was not the best decision on your part.

“What was what?” You innocently bat your eyes at the two ladies. “The smile off you had with your private client. Don’t tell me something went down after I dropped off your drink,” Madison says, sitting down in the swivel chair next to you. You almost muttered a snarky comeback when you were hit with flashbacks from this morning. How he spoke to you and how he touched you kept replaying in your mind. A pool between your legs was forming just from the thought of him. 

“Oh he definitely put it down.” You are quick to defend yourself just as Gio says, “You’re over here in lala land! And at your job too!” Gio acts shocked and puts her hand over her heart and lets out an exaggerated gasp. You hit her in the side and shy away from their investigating eyes. The deafening silence was telling the truth for you. 

“Well we didn’t fuck.. But he did eat my pussy,” you shyly said, still looking away from them. You didn’t have to look at them to know that their mouths were wide open again. What you didn’t know was those open mouths turned into wide smiles. “Ok! Ms. CEO gettin some head! Was it good?”

‘WAS IT GOOD? GOOD’S AN INSULT’ “Um…” 

Before you finished your sentence, Madison interjects with, “Musta been, you looked like you were in a good mood today too. Especially after Roman’s fitting” You regrettably looked back in their direction and saw Madison wiggling her eyebrows. You lightly shove her away from you and stand up. “No, the fitting went well with no complications. That's what I was happy about.” You attempt to defend yourself, but you should’ve known that it was falling on deaf ears. Madison and Gio help you close down and lock up the shop. Of course, Madison had to tell you her two cents before going your separate ways. 

“Look at you smilin-”

“Shut up.”

Welcome to your new addiction

Hi guys, back with part 4 and the playlist that you guys wanted. As always comment and tell me what you think <3

🏷️ tags :) @2-muchsauce @theninthwonder @harmshake @alichesmi @thesamoanqueen @alyyaanna @empressdede @badbitchcentralinc @christinabae @fame-ass-ers @southerngirl41

#roman reigns #roman reigns x black reader #roman reigns smut #roman reigns x y/n #carmenreigns #roman reigns x chubby reader #roman reigns x you #roman reigns x reader #roman reigns x oc #[ ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚✧･ﾟ: * the bankk ✧･ﾟ:* ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ ] #[ S & T ]

[to6ge]

IV.5 aftermath of the rain ( DENIAL )

woohooo, 4.5 ❗❗

quick recap : you wanted to sleep with your headphones on in the train ride, but Gojo didn’t let that happen.

You managed to successfully sleep, and Gojo also managed to take off your headphones and turned off your music playing on your phone. He was actually worried about you.

It was halfway into the train ride, till you woke up. That nap felt really good, and you enjoyed it a lot. ( most specially because Gojo made you lean onto his shoulder ) It was nearly just the two of you now. Nobody else seemed to be in the train, and it was so calming—peaceful, quiet.

“How long have I been out for?” You asked, with a tired voice. “About 30 years” he said with a grin, hoping hed convince you “No way Satoru, no way” You smiled at him back playfully.

You didnt pull away even when you woke up, your head was still resting ontop of Gojo’s shoulder. The train ride was near to its end.

It was raining really hardly, the atmosphere was so calming and relaxing, you loved this train ride. You could even sleep again if you wanted to. The sound of the rain was so calming to hear, it was dark but the signs in the train lit the train up—everything was so nice.

. — ☆ — .

You reached the nearby beach, it was dark but it was better that way. There were a bunch of stars bundling up together since it had just rained. Yet one of them stands out the most—so extraordinary, that star had shined nothing like the ones who were last adored. You immediately pointed at it to Gojo, with a big smile on your face—one that nobody had ever seen. ( except for gojo )

“Look look, that one is so pretty!” you ranted on and on about stars, and Gojo was just looking at you as if you were some kindergarten kid who was over the moon talking about their interests. ( he found it cute, he js doesnt know that ) “Were you always that into stars? You look childish when you rant about them” he teased

“Childish? Liking things are NOT childish!” you muttered. “I was just teasing, do that more” He teased you even further. “Better than hearing you complain about me,” he wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

Gojo and you sat down comfortably by the beach, watching the waves crash onto the sand, looking at the stars and admiring the whole surrounding. It was so pretty, so very pretty.

You proceeded to video you both, and all that was left to do was just to edit it. It was around 11pm now, the moon shined brighter than ever. Nobody was there, just you and Gojo.

( sorta time skip )

It was around 1.30 am when you came back to your dorm, you layed down on your bed as if youve never gotten sleep throughout your whole entire life.

You watched the moon outside your window as you thought about what you just did this night, it was fun and both you and Gojo shared laughter and joy.

The more you thought about him, the more scenarios you make up. You soon dosed off, a thousand different thoughts of gojo and scenarios of you and gojo ran through your mind before you slipped into sleep.

Your phone lit up the room as it buzzed, receiving a notification from Gojo. “Goodnight, thank you for today y/n. We are so gonna get 100 for this project ❗” —delivered, 2.47am Thursday, 14 september 2023

TAGLIST STATUS : Open

SUMMARY : IN WHICH! You transfered to Tokyo Jujutsu highschool, where your “enemy” goes. ( Friends that loved to tease eachother & get on their nerves ) Even before you transfered, you both had a rivarly ever since you were a kid. This’ll be so bad. Atleast you though so. Then, you both decide to fake date eachother for some reason,, and you didn't think youd even fall for him—but you were wrong.

NOTE : this took me so long to make ughh. :(( I have a chinese test tomorrow!! Didnt study because I was too busy doing this ongm im so gonna fail 💔💔☹️ when i say that kindergarten thingy..HES NOT INTO KINDERGARTEN KIDS OKAY pls dont misunderstand

prev || mlist || next

#˚ʚ♡ɞ˚gwens4vr #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #jjk drabbles #smau #jjk gojo #jujutsu gojo #jjk fluff #satoru gojo #gojo satoru x reader #jjk satoru #gojou satoru x reader

[x-on-the-calendar-business]

ryan ross iceberg (tier 8)

tier 1, tier 2, tier 3, tier 4, tier 5, tier 6, tier 7

darkest waters (final tier):

teen ryan’s pimples:

i’m so sorry for this one.

it refers to a set of tweets from twitter user prettynpuunk (i’m so sorry to her for bringing them back up but it’s lore).

honestly these are just so iconic. they will always live in my head rent free

“is is true you have a monster cock:”

this is something a fan genuinely asked ryan once (which is so gross and i hope that person is having a terrible day).

allegedly, it has been said by ryan’s exes that he is well endowed. also, i can’t find a source for this, but i swear that once shane morris said that about ryan as well. according to twitter searches, the rumor of ryan having a monster cock goes back as far as 2009 [i]. there’s another rumor that a picture was leaked at one point (i think?), but i’m not going to search that out. if any of you were around in those days, let me know if that’s unfounded or not.

i think the term “monster cock” comes from a picspam on livejournal, referenced here; however, the picspam itself is no longer available [ii].

target fruit aisle:

apparently there was an “incident” from teenage ryan in the target fruit aisle, which led to him getting banned from the store. it’s unknown exactly what happened, but it’s theorized that either a) he and his friends were throwing fruit at each other, or b) he knocked over a display of fruit.

he’s not actually GRRIII:

if you don’t know what GRRIII means, you’re too far down in the iceberg.

according to obituaries and genealogy trees, discussed in this livejournal posts and its comments, ryan’s grandfather and his dad are actually named george hammond ross sr and jr respectively [iii]. since neither of their middle names are ryan, that means ryan is technically not the third. he is still the third george ross, though.

pissing on tour bus furniture:

according to a tweet, brendon said in an interview that ryan pissed on tour bus furniture, but ryan said it was an accident [iv]. they say it was hard to tell if it was a joke or not, but it was. it's at 2:40 in this interview.

(thank you to the anon who sent me this video!)

romp movie:

this refers to a phone interview in which ryan says that he and brendon went to see a romp movie, and then they both say that ryan’s other hand was uh…busy [v]. it was also definitely a joke. they talk about it in this interview at 8:55.

(the same anon sent me this video, so thanks again!)

the Q stands for quintessence:

remember ryan’s Q tattoo and the cult theory? we’re back to that. in other pictures from that night, you can see that ryan has things representing the 4 elements: earth, air, wind, and fire. the Q could stand for quintessence, which is also called the 5th element [vi]. so, it relates to spirituality, not a cult.

if you’re interested in reading more about this, you can do so here:

bugs in his ass:

the first line in cape town is “took you in the vineyard a couple hours after i met you.” it’s easy to read this as he took her TO the vineyard, but he says IN the vineyard, implying that they might have had sex in this vineyard. and whilst doing that, ryan probably got bugs in his ass.

he can’t park:

this is another reason why ryan ross is a queer icon.

someone parked next to ryan’s car once (his trans am) and provided this picture:

i think there have been other reports of fans who said he cannot park.

panic! wouldn’t exist if ryan wasn’t playing fisher price in his yard the day he met spencer:

this is self-explanatory, but the day ryan and spencer met, which was when they were around 5-6 years old, ryan was playing with a fisher price toy in his yard. of course, had this not happened, we wouldn’t have panic!, the young veins, high hopes (which would be nice, i think), this iceberg, amongst many other things. it’s the butterfly effect.

personal bit about this, panic! is THE hyperfixation for me. no matter how many others i’ve had, nothing has me in the same chokehold that panic! and ryan ross do. with my panic! phase, it is never a matter of if i will enter it again, but a matter of when. because it will happen. but since that band has been such a huge part of my life, it’s so weird to reflect on this entry and imagine what the world would be like without it.

anyway, it just felt right to end this on a sappy note.

also i want to give an honorable mention to corky b roll. i can’t believe i forgot to include it, especially because it was a HUGE ryan meme when i first got into panic!:

thank you so, so much to everyone for the notes! and thank you to anyone who read any of this, especially those of you who made it through every entry. it really means the world that anyone would take time out of their day to read what i have to say about this man lol

another thanks to anyone whose posts i referenced throughout; your service and contribution to the ryan ross lore will not be forgotten.

and with that, this is the end of the ryan ross iceberg explained.

references:

[i] https://twitter.com/search?q=ryan%20ross%20monster%20cock&src=typed_query&f=top

[ii] https://bandfandom-ref.livejournal.com/134497.html

[iii] https://bandfandom-ref.livejournal.com/71193.html

[iv] https://twitter.com/checkyesjuul/status/1369125668726865922

[v] https://twitter.com/checkyesjuul/status/1456098187416989702

[vi] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/175514546326/was-ryan-ross-in-a-satanic-cult

#ryan ross #ryan patd #panic! at the disco #panic at the disco #patd #jon walker #the young veins #spencer smith #brendon urie #ryan ross iceberg #can't believe i finished it :') #it's so bittersweet but i'm glad i could make a hub for ryan ross lore #still can't believe all the notes/followers #ANOTHER THANK YOU!!!! <3 #Youtube

[ikoarts]

November 2022 Art

huh. a lot of silly doodles this month, some random stuff from my phone too, was on some silly energy i think x

vvv dates + info under the cut vvv

1 - 08/11/2022 : horse Ru but like, an actual horse. shes real. get horsed idiot. shes a bay tobiano marwari (also one i did on my phone)

2, 3 - 09/11/2022 : much silliness. was thinking of koopas again, theres barley, who is weird, and also lemmy, giving good advice x

4 - 10/11/2022 : horsie! again! thats about it

5, 6 - 12/11/2022 : more koopaz, they smoke veed together i guess, i liked drawing these i was on sily energy

7 - 13/11/2022 : jammy lammy. drawn on my phone x ,, i think i doodled this then i started on my full digital piece of her?

8, 9, 10 - 14/11/2022 : roosh in the rush shirt, ive been asked if she likes rush bc shes rush-ada which i find funny (no sadly i wish i was that funny), she never dresses like this but i like to draw her in things she'd probably Want to wear but wouldn't bc shes a self conscious old lady..... ANYWAY omg first drawing where i drew Ru with her iconic half moon eyes instead of having the empty space, now her eyes are a full shape,, its been this way ever since and it feels so much better, maximum droopiness, shes pathetic really but i love her, toni might invoke this rage on me if she catches me saying that tho

also penguin dance. watch that autistic girl groove

11 - 15/11/2022 : moar drawing Ru in outfits she would want to wear but wouldn't normally, like this is how i dress so this is projection probably.. i was on my peak boingo fix at this point (has not stopped) so Toni is having a sing x (has been misinterpreted as her ripping a bong at least three times) and a little Luisa hehe

12, 13 - 16/11/2022 : Toni would have a YT channel in canon, like thats how she breaks into the music scene, but i like thinking of her doing cliche youtuber things.. also the first (not first but the First first is like an incomplete concept doodle) drawing of Trixie! i knew i wanted a new robo oc, and she had to be a gnasty diesel powered idiot, she hasn't changed too much

14 - 18/11/2022 : silly time again, ru n toni on their catgirl and horsegirl business, i am 5 and poop is funny

15-18 - 25/11/2022 : holy ponies batman! horseshada (yes thats what i call her) as a G3 styled MLP, both in her natural colours, and unnatural colours (her pony name is Blue Moon), also TONI PONY! (her pony name is Heart-To-Heart). gay ass little ponies

19-23 - 28/11/2022 : so like. at this point i was in the middle of watching waterloo road (classic series the new one sucks big balls), and this is like the only thing i could conjure up...... also another mettatetta, was still unsure about his design, but its comin!! later!! have patience!! the rest are some various Rushadas, in an outfit from animal crossing pocket camp since i was playing that again at this point, i should draw her in it again bc she SERVES.. also her in her jammies, i wanted a go at drawing plaits, pretty proud of that one, her hair is so thick and lovely <3

24 - 29/11/2022 : so like i really dont have enough aus i guess, catgirl toni n horsegirl rushada, but like, they're more anthro this time, that was basically the concept, and to recap, ive got like centaur au, like full animal au, and one where its just them but they have the ears and tails, its complicated!

#iko's shit #2022art #Nov2022 #don't tag as kin/id/me #fine art #digital art #original art #fanart #original character #ocs #ocs:rushada #ocs:barley #ocs:toni #ocs:luisa #ocs:trixie #super mario bros #super mario #koopalings #lemmy koopa #iggy koopa #larry koopa #um jammer lammy #parappa the rapper #waterloo road #lorna dickey #undertale #mettaton #mettaton ex #YM&V

[suyacho]

hi lovelies, i know ive been in and out of here and im really sorry for that🫶🥹 just wanted to make a little post addressing some things going on, not on tumblr bc idk wtf is going on (if theres something going on) ive barely been on dash or didn’t scroll past more than 5 posts before closing it again because im busy. let me put it under readmore bc i’ll probably ramble🥹

anyways hi!! as i stated before i think, i started a new school and i started working, busy life!! now work has me exhausted, both mentally & physically, so i haven’t been on here much not have time nor motivation to write too much which i’m really sorry for, especially considering i promised. i love writing, i really do but i feel like the spark is gone, maybe it’s because i’ve been non stop writing smut (with occasionally fluff here n there) over the past few months? or scrap that maybe even since last kinktober because i didnt finish that on time either🥹 (this is probably why the sparks gone) don’t get me wrong, i love writing smut but when it’s so much it just makes me feel like eh not another smut fic and especially after work i can’t find the energy to write porn, like i’d love me itto all oiled up in bed but writing it?? (LMAO SORYRRHHR) it’s just idk🥹 i guess i feel guilty for posting a kinktober but never even finishing it or giving you guys shitty fics when i owe you guys nothing and this is just supposed to be a fun little thingie, but i wanna give back to you guys with the handful of people who have supported me all the way, from the start or even over a year, i appreciate it sm and want to give back to you guys🫶 i hope you all know i greatly appreciate it so thank you and i’m sorry.

on that note thank god i put a readmore bc i knew id ramble and this post isnt even about writing mainly LAMSOAOSOS

but anyways work yes!! i work 4 days a week which might not seem like much bc i know there are people who work way more but hey, im exhausted and that is valid regardless. i dont like my job which is ok, i picked it myself and know the consequences but the environment also drains me mentally, won’t get into that though!!

and onto school <3 i fucking love my school, my class, everything, i wish it was more than one day a week. but with school and the holidays coming around, it also means something. it means that i slowly gotta make a big choice that will impact my student life after this and will decide if ill be let into the bachelors im going for or not. which means that i really gotta start taking it seriously and work more on my portfolio, which now obviously will be my main focus, leading back to the writing but ill say that in the end!!

mentally i’m not ok, which is ok. we all have our ups and downs but lately it’s been feeling like a lots of downs, a lot of things play a role in that but i won’t be going into detail about that. i’ll be okay one day, i’m still alive and have a roof above my head Alhamdulillah.

all those things together mean one thing, i’ll be uploading less!! (which i’ve barely been doing anyways LMAO) to the two people that expected stuff, sorry </3, to the others i disappointed, i’m sorry </3

i’ll also be less active, or maybe just not at all for a bit but just know that i’ll definitely come back when things have settled down, hopefully with more motivation and more fics <3 life’s moving forward and so am i bit by bit.

i guess this is quite the dramatic way to announce a hiatus but hey it’s 6am and i barely slept and just rambled to my little space <3 but once again, thank you guys for the support and understanding. i just wanted to make a post so you guys know what to expect and all :)

thank you and have a good day/night!

#snow; sighs

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Dead Plate (Part 2)

OK so its been a month since the last time ive played Dead Plate and uhh oops!! my bad !!

in my defense life has gotten very busy for me especially since its the holidays but now i finally have the time to finish this game and get at least one ending!! (hopefully)

spoilers under the cut

back to day 5 where i struggled so incredibly hard

the amount of times ive played through day 4's nightmare sequence is killing me

bro. how do i pass this level without losing a customer

NOOO I WAS SO CLOSE WHYYY. PLEASE. literally i was doing so well but i took too long for the 4 table orders ugh <//3

i wish you could see like, a patience meter for the customers or something

maybe i should try using the item that slows down how impatient they get

YESSS FINALLY!!! I DID IT I FINALLY DID IT!!

what is that weird squelching sound.

still here even though the shift is over and the sounds i am hearing are concerning to say the least

what if... i just leave ok i cant leave

boss's office? also i just noticed the timer ticking down uhh

can i just leave please why is the timer ticking down wtf do i do???

also lots of interesting things in that office

was the review on the waiter about Rody? if so ouch man thats harsh

NOOOOO OH MY GOD...... I ACCIDENTALLY QUIT I HAVE TO DO DAY 5 ALL OVER AGAIN ARE YOU KIDDING ME

ok well. at least now i know my key to success is the cologne

ok so Rody had an interesting reaction to the crumpled up picture of Vince and a woman so maybe he knows who she is? is this the 'her' that you can sorta not really call on the telephone??? or is he just surprised to find love letters in the trash

anyways its telling me the sounds are coming from the freezer but idk where to go from here

LMAO the sound signalling the end of the day jumpscared me askhjdakj

at least the food looks tasty

what was that whole thing about tho? what was going on in the freezer??

back home, looked out the window and i noticed you can see someone's silhouette in the background windows

i dont know if that was always there and i just missed it but very interesting

FINALLY a new nightmare

bro he was in an oven?? why ?? damn Rody's nightmares are like really creepy akladjalks

another day another dollar

damn. im gonna struggle once again because there is a LOT of customers and like i am just sooo. ksfdjslkdj whatevr kakayanin !! lets go guys

my hands are so sweaty akladh

another successful day and another tasty dish ....my fingers hurt LMAO

looked out the window and yep alright the person's silhouette isnt always there

huh. interesting nightmare it was Vince eating him and like damn that actually scared me lskjd

shorter than previous nightmares

well onto day 7 another day another dollar

lets go!! i am winning!!! only had to retry once this day!!

BROSKI JUST QUIT?!?!?

ohhh so the woman is named Manon

aww i feel so bad for this guy :(( the girl isnt picking up i wonder why tho? like does she just not like him anymore and he just needs to give up on her or is it cuz of smth w Vince (shes probably the girl from the crumpled photo in the trash right?)

damn the phone just ringing while the credits are playing

ouch :((

alright then time to get the other endings!! to do this i will be following the ending guide bc my brain is not big enough to figure it out by myself lmao

ive opened up the official ending guide and oho? you can actually get a phone call from Manon? cool i will try that out first

restarting all the way to day 1 bc i miss how easy it was

yk an interesting thing that was introduced in the tutorial that i havent experienced yet is the customers asking questions

oh hey!! i kept the stuff that i purchased in my previous run?? really?? awesomeee

ooh hey!! i kept the dishes from previous runs too!! cool

ok its day 3 now and i have to take out the trash to activate the cutscene

ok went through that whole baffling ordeal of getting slapped

also!! i chatted with Vince on day 3 and like. idk their chats are just funny to me

also like there might be something wrong with me but i am lowkey shipping Rody and Vincent together kadjlksd this is something that happened in Elevator Hitch where i started lowkey shipping the two main characters oopsies

anyways!! moving swiftly onwards!!

um. my guy disappeared after i checked the fridge

oh shit new cutscene

BRO ??? UM ????? well that was scary uhh. damn

oh the boss isnt in the kitchen anymore wait i didnt get to do all the dialogue options that are needed!! no!! does this mean i need to redo this whole day in order to get the phone call event???

better safe than sorry i guess

ok so interestingly when Rody asked Vince if he liked his job, he didnt answer the question he just changed the subject and made fun of Rody LOL

the 'can you give me a raise' question gives some more details on Manon and what Rody thinks of her (he is a grade A simp bro)

the 'are you single' question is interesting to me just bc Rody the simp has issues w Vince being like 'meh' on romance and tbh im with Vince on romance not being the end-all-be-all

THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT A STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

IS IT CUZ I FED THE RAT CHEESE INSTEAD OF SCARING IT AWAY OR SMTH???

EW ITS IN THE FRIDGE AND THE REAL ONE I HAD BEFORE IS GONE NOOOOOOO

Vince: I haven't got any sense of taste. Rody: Yeah I could see the decorations out there-

LMFAOOO RODYYY

bro now i am sad that i missed out on these gold interactions between them on my first run this is so funny

also they both didnt really have any proper answers for what their favorite food is Vince was like 'eh i dont have any since i cant taste stuff idk lemons or smth' while Rody was like 'i just like whatever my girlfriend likes'

very interesting how Rody is like obsessed(?) with Manon

then when asking Vince what he's reading, he just straight-up lies about what the reviews are saying about Rody lmfaoooo

anyways now for the creepy night restaurant segment and going back in Vince's office to check out the possible Manon love letters in the trash

i just realized the croque madames are like. rotten cuz they have flies flying around it which ew! yuck! why is it like that

well. nothing i can do about it so next day i guess!! oh hey wait i can now afford the matches which i will be needing for ending 3! nice

OK NOW I HAVE REACHED THE PHONE CALL

damn ok so its not Manon but its Vince inviting Rody to a dinner party!! nice !!

LMFAOOOO HE INVITED RODY TO MAKE HIM WORK VINCE I CANT BELIEVE YOU!!

Rody you are so embarrassing but its ok bc ur really funny anyways!! getting interesting lore on Vince and Rody!!

one of Rody's old classmates was there, and then another guest said that either Vince must really like Rody to have him there at the party or is incredibly desperate akldskl (since she said that Rody's outfit sucks LOL)

ooh ok so. Rody is desperate and a bit delusional my bro u gotta let go of that girl bc apparently she dumped you already so like. stop bro

dkjhskas nooo ive served all the guests and theres nothing left to do except snoop around in Vincent's bedroom agh!! agh!!!!!

bro when i go in the room the music just disappears wtf

UM? HELLO??? BRO THAT SCARED ME DSKJKSDJ

i knew this was going to happenn aughjahkj

BRO THE MUSIC IS JUST GONE AJKSDFK not Rody asking what happened like he didnt just steal smth from Vince and pretty much get caught in the act 😭😭😭

well ok then so that happened

actually you know, now that im thinking about it, its kinda weird that Vince threw Manon's letters in the trash does that mean she is pursuing him romantically but he like just doesnt care or what??

i am inside and i am afraid cuz the game asked 'are you sure?' when i clicked 'go inside' broooo

oh hey its Manon and Rody WAIT WHY IS THIS LOCKET IN HERE ?? DID VINCE KILL HER ??

ASKHDKAS OH FUCKK OH NO

bro thats so like. sadistic leaving him tied up and telling him he can live if he runs away but like he can only crawl across the floor

i see why the matches are needed for this part

gee wow thanks game

ok now this time im bringing the matches with me

ok so ive burned away the ropes but im still trapped inside cuz he locked the freezer aghhh

what the heck do i do?? oh nvm i found bags of flour, i can use these to reach the cooler

so i have to stop the fans of the cooler, probably by putting something in it

can i take the saw out?? oh wait theres a switch LOL

ok so ive use the saw to cut the meat off and now ive got animal bones

ive jammed the bones in the fans and now i can break open the window wow

SHIT GOT CAUGHT BY VINCE

DID HE JUST BITE A PIECE OF MY FLESH?!??!

oh my god. he killed and cooked her to feed to Rody i. wHY???

oh so he ate Rody's ear i am shook wtf

bro Rody just severely pissed this guy off by telling him he never ate his food i feel it in my bones also makes sense why its just sitting in his fridge

Rody really hitting this guy where it hurts damn i mean its deserved cuz of like the whole thing

i accidentally got ending 4 since i messed up a QTE but damn. damn that was wild and also this is gross

something i didnt mention earlier but i noticed that there was a grilled hanger steak on the table, which is the dish when you get ending 1 would the other dishes i got in past endings show up when i got them? but i got ending 2 and the dish from that didnt show up so maybe its just a little detail for ending 1 wait was the steak made out of Manon. oh boy that makes that ending a lil more fucked up

ok going back to the chase sequence

BRO RODY JUST KILLED HIM

so i went into Vince's office, surprisingly did not get chased inside and then i picked up the broken bottle and now Rody's just killed the guy

got the restaurant key

bestie like. theyre gonna arrest u if u just leave and never say anything please explain the situation to the police or smth

why is the game not letting me leave. what do you mean revenge is best served cold. does the game want me to put Vince in the freezer!??!?!

yep the steak is def Manon

why r u not letting me leave wtf do i do

trying to read the comments on the game's page on itch.io and the amount of people going 'when will they kiss' 'kiss ending when' im laughing

like even tho all this horrible shit just happened i still lowkey ship Vince and Rody oopsies. toxic yaoi LOLOLOL

i have no idea what to do now so i am just gonna look up a guide rq

ok i need to get the cooking oil

he's burning this place to the ground

wait was Vince still alive after getting stabbed repeatedly???? his eye moved when Rody was pouring oil on him and i mean the game did say that his eyes are still following you

oh bro after-credits cutscene with Manon???

aww ok my opinion of Manon has greatly improved cuz she broke up w Rody cuz he was destroying himself for her she realized that she wasnt good for him and like, for the greater good of his mental health they cant be together

its burnt and also its lemon, which is what Vince said was his favorite food

OH HEY IT CHANGED

actually i did notice that after ending 3 it was snowy

damn

well, thats the end of my playthrough on Dead Plate

honestly, it was a very fun and enjoyable game! i liked the serving aspect even tho i kinda sucked at it and like i also really liked Rody and Vince despite all that just happened those two are seriously fucked up and i love them LOLOL

the music was really good and made up for having to redo day 5 over and over again alskdjh i was jamming most of the time to the music the art was also really good! i liked how cute the pixel sprites were, and then like the art for the portraits and CGs and everything was also really good! i really enjoyed the art style and music

the story was interesting, and i liked it too the twist was wild and blew my mind but i am still a massive fan of Vincent x Rody JKDAHSDKJ

i like how there was a cannibalism twist but Vincent wasnt actually like, an actual cannibal he was just insane and planning on making Rody an unknowing cannibal

i know he ate Rody's ear but like. he said that he doesnt eat people on the regular so yk he's just fucked up

also its really funny reading all the comments and seeing a lot of Vincent x Rody stuff LMFAOOO so true of everybody honestly

HELP I FOUND A COMMENT THAT SAID THEY NOTICED EVERY PIC WITH VINCE IN IT (on the store page) HAS HIM LOOKING AT RODY LDSJHSFLSDKN THE SHIP IS SO REAL!!!

ok sorry enough of that

overall, 10/10 would play again solely for the server gameplay (would be cool to have a kind of endless mode where you just serve customers until one leaves or something) and also because i love these characters

thats all for today and probably for this month LOL byebye!!

#dead plate

[carmenpeach]

not sure im gonna b able to finish my comic chapter by end of month like i want considering its halfway over (was visiting ppl for a week so very busy and only drew a little but got a little more figured out for it) and i still need to script out the last 4 or 5 pages. usually the scenes in it are only a page or 2 but trying to have a longer scene/ convo in it without it being too compressed or taking too long plus finding what all jokes i need to fit into it too. like the meat is all there but the small chunks need to be filled in, plus the task of drawing a full 8 or 10 pages and i gotta pack all my shit again to move again but i dont wanna keep delaying my comic like i always do, and having a bit of art block last like 2ish weeks and think i should do the requests i got from deviantart and here done to break into that. and wanna finish up some ceramic stuff since it might be a while until i get to do that again. but think im making it more daunting than it needs to be when its like i just gotta sit down and draw the damnt thing. no jdea how im always so busy despite not really doing anything a lot. i can only imagine what i would get done if i had adderall. im a little torn on how i want it to end since theres what i want but it doesnt fit the story thats been crafted and i feel there is really only one way for it to go and i am very excited to share it. ive made a sideblog where i wanted to catalogue what everything is in reference to since like 90% of it is in jokes between my friends and i really do loce sharing funny things 2 the world

#hoping when i move ill be able to find a decent doctor since i think i need something for anxiety/ depression/ focus #god if i could have painkillers that work i think i could accomplish anything since like hurting all day makes everything hard -_-

[thatfishingseawing]

my schedule as a seawing pearldiver

6:00 AM: wake up rather late to restock at the sea kingdom capital (im not telling you where it is)/OR a nearby town, having slept there overnight. visit all the stands and such, support local businesses. sell the pearls and whatever else i have to whoever buys it, or barter them away for dried fish.

8:00 AM: finish up, and then set out. i can pull the boat from the front using a harness. its rather bulky, but makes it much easier to carry things with me while im out at sea. plus, its a good landmark if any nosey skywings want to drop in and say hello.

9:00 AM: reach the peaceful part of the ocean. no dragons in sight. this is when i begin pearldiving. i drop the rope attached to my boat over the side, and dive under the water. its an extremely long (and rather colourful, since its dyed different hues) rope, so at times i tug it along with me if i need to. most the time i just leave it in place, tie the end of the rope to a piece of coral (i dont like doing that, because it can damage the coral) or shove it under a rock or something.

12:00 PM: usually rest at this point. sometimes i surface every 20 minutes to drop off pearls ive got with me, or other goodies that ive managed to find. some researchers pay a LOT for some old banged up cup i find upended in the sand.

12:30 PM: finish eating lunch. usually dried fish. i dont feel like hunting a lot of the time.

12:45 PM: hang about on my boat in the case that goshawk is on patrol that day. his outpost is sort of close to where i often go. being vague for his safety.

1:45 PM: if goshawk appears, i usually chat with him for an hour before he has to go back. maybe more.

4:00/5:00 PM: if goshawk doesnt show up, then continue pearl diving for another 3~ hours.

6:00 PM: eat dinner. once again, dried meat if i can get it. once, goshawk toasted a bobcat for me. tasted like ash, and also horrible.

7:00 PM: this depends. i either shore up and find a place to sleep on land (bad idea if im near the mud kingdom due to. you know. the war.), or i toss a sea-coloured blanket over my little boat and go sleep underwater and hope no one steals my stuff. its happened before. passing mudwing group got hungry. i wonder how they even made it that far out?? maybe its the power of friendship, or something.

8:30 PM: sleep. sometimes i go visit goshawk's outpost. he has wine. its pretty cool but makes swimming and flying impossible.

10:00 PM: sleep if i've been staying up with goshawk.

and thats it! often times i go restock one or twice a month, more if ive 'packed light', as they say. dunno who says it but someone does.

hope this was an interesting read? let me know if you want more stuff like this. but you have to actually, you know, send an ask about it. im not a mind reading, no matter how mysterious and cool and nightwing-esque i might seem.

hermit crab, signing off.

#wings of fire #wof #wings of fire rp blog #wof rp blog #wof oc #wings of fire oc #seawing #unreality

[bitchyglitterfox]

I’m in my Bucky obsessive era again (thanks to you)and i’m here to make a request.An angst but with a happy ending,reader is a black widow(Nat and Yelena adoptive sister)and during her time in the red room she had something with Bucky.Now that the red room is gone and Bucky is living his life with Sam,they meet again.The rest is up to you,be as creative as you want 😌

So We Meet Again

Here it finally is! Sorry anon that it took a while, school and work was keeping me busy this week! I kinda left it open-ended in case you wanted me to make a longer fic :D

Warning: Mentions of the Red Room, Dreykov, nonconsensual choking, mentions of Nat's death, angst and fluff if you squint Words: 433

I lay my head against Nat’s grave letting the tear fall freely, it had been 5 years since Nat and Yelena freed me from that horrible place, the red room. 5 years since i had lost and gained Yelena back and only 3 months since Nat died, I lost one sister while the other grieved and drew into herself and left me alone once more. 

Without anyone left in my corner I set out to find the only constance in my life during my time in the red room, James. I learned of his name in a passing moment be had in Cairo, almost a decade and a half ago, even if he doesnt remember me. 

I kiss her head stone and clean it of debris before i head back to the road and get into my car, last i had heard after he came back, he began living in Brooklyn, NY. 

During my time in the red room we were taught to never show emotion, but since i was freed ive realized how emotional i truly am, stunted some would say, dumb others if they would fine out that a tough widow had developed feelings for a fell assassin.  

I arrive in Brooklyn and begin my search, recon being my specialty it wasnt hard to find him. Some may call it stalking i call it waiting to gain the courage to talk to the man who made me feel whole, the man I loved.

Luckily for me, it was James who had approached me 1 week after i had arrived in brooklyn. I was sitting alone in a small cafe when he entered, i looked up and we made eye contact. His eyes widened and a small smile appears on my face until i see his face of surprise turn into one anger. He comes storming towards me with anger, regret and something else in his beautiful baby blue eyes. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, who sent you” he growled and grabbed my throat, luckily we were in the back of the cafe tucked away in the corner so there was no one who would notice the beautiful man with his metal are wrapped around my throat.  

"J-james listen to me, Nat and Yelena freed me from Dreykov's hold" his hand soften against my throat as realization crosses his eyes. 

"Y/n, that's really you then? In there finally?" 

"YES James it's really me," I say as tears well in my eyes, "it's truly me"  

He wrapped me into such a strong hug and I knew I was finally home.

#bucky barnes x reader #marvel #bitchyglitterfox writes #marvel studios #bucky fluff #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #winter soldier #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes

[forestryfae]

but yeah. basically ive been sleeping during the day a lot and it sucks. works not going as good as i wish it did. balancing work and homelife isnt easy, and homelife is lacking.

i have an important letter i need to send, gotta call teh dentist, im supposed to be taking meds for rosascea but im not allowed to keep the meds in my room and noone is helping me remember the medication (which is stupid as fuck cus when im late to work once or twice theyre IMMEDIATELY on my ass asking if i need someone to come wake me up. hello??) i also have to call whoever gave me my drivers license for practicing or else i might have to take the whole course again.

i also have to go home for 3 weeks and im not looking forward to that. and i need to go spend christmas with mom which like. free food ig. family will need christmas presents but like im broke and i just dont see why. they fucking suck. why am i wasting money on people who care so little about me that they treat me like absolute dogshit. no basic respect or common decendy, talking down to me and treating me like shit all the time, literally anything that can be criticized will be critizied, no respect for boundaries and throwing fucking temper tantrums if i get mad that they trampled over them, just doing whatever the fuck they want and expecting me to be okay with it. nothing is ever good enough but if you dont try youre a lazy brat with no willpower. mental illness exists but its never the root of the problem, its always you. also everyone around them are mindreaders and if you didnt predict what they wanted youre an asshole and you lack common sense.

and i have to spend the next three weeks dealing with this shit with no chance of escape cus they can just show up with no warning at my house. she doesnt care if i was asleep or busy, that just gives her an excuse to be bitchy about it. the world revolves around noone and dont think youre something special except for if youre her. fucking bitch.

but yeah ill be spending 3 weeks mostly trying not to go insane. i need to clean the kitchen, bathroom, hallway and bedroom. i need to go through all the stuff in the kitchen so i dont have a million things i never even touch in there, plus i gotta actually cook every day and i have to go shopping atleats once a week, which wont be easy. the bedroom is a emss so i really want to clear out as much of it as possible, especially w the writing desk i have. its enormous and swallows up the whole room, and i have just a bunch of stuff and garbage lying around that i dont know what to do with.

then theres the bathroom, which is easy enough, but the cats been pissing on some of my clothes on the floor in there since noone in my family understands the concept of closing doors and not letting the cats play in insulation. like the doors dont. magically open by themselves. they were left open. theres also a fuckton of laundry and cleaning off the dryingracks since moms been fucking with those again, and she absolutely has been messing up my sorting. i went through my clothes and decided on what i want to keep and what not and now i 100% guaranteed have to go through that stuff again.

and like. i also have to look at what i have and what i dont have. cus i got some plastic boxes that i was gonna put stuff i wnated to keep in and i never got around to it so i have to just hope i can find it in me to bother going through verything in the house and packing what i actually want i really want to ask the people at the thriftshop i work at if they want like 4 or 5 boxes, if not more when im done, of just garbage. but at the same time, i KNOW theyll clean everything before selling it but i dont want to touch any of it and i dont want it anywhere near me. im so tired of cleaning and bad vibes. im so tired of stuff just not working out.

also. have been considering moving my bedroom to the livingroom. like it just seems easier but at the same time i dont want people in there or people going through my shit when im not at home. idk. its more like a bandaid in an attempt to deal with a broken leg that isnt healing cus its not in acast or getting medical attention.

#talkies

[sucktacular]

venting ignore me cw covid, covid-death, existential dread, depression, illusion to suicide/self harm etc

we really are on the wrong timeline huh

every since 2019 (at the very least) NOTHING has been the same and I'm scared to death that it never will be. even close to it.

and i say this so so selfishly, because of COURSE it will never be the same!! MILLIONS of people DIED!!!! they literally woke up one day and died the next. wars and wars and hurt and torn political climates, etc etc etc etc etc etc its never ending

but from where I am, in my own little world, nothing has ever gone back to okay. im trapped in my house. my brain doesnt settle and my desires are secondary to keeping myself propped up. ive never been objectionably alright, and thats important to remember as well, but that feeling really lingers.

you know when we were teenagers and we swore up and down to ourselves that when high school ended we would some how die? that that was the end and there was no continuing? whether that was a self inflicted plot against ourselves or just the fear of the unknown, it had weight and it dragged with us even after. I escaped it for a while, kept my head up and kept myself busy and tended to my desires. but i was never good at trimming off the excess. Of spoon feeding myself nutrition or shading myself from the storms. ive always been neglectful of myself even when I've been selfishly present. and sure i can blame that on money for sure. when you lack the funds to tend to your needs and tend to your downfalls and tend to your selfish little wants it draaags you and it claws at your meat and it sloughs off your bones.

i survived high school and left everything behind, as I always have done. I took some time to heal after cutting people out and then I went to school. I felt good I felt right I felt promising. And then I crashed back down immediately. It took me years to pick myself back up and I never really stood up quite as straight. Then I had a job and lived with my parents. it was freeing but I needed to Leave. It was horrid and it was life sucking. I left and I was in panic for money for 4 years. It was freeing but it cut into my skin like ill fitting shoes. I was a robot only alive to finish my work, come home, and return to my charging closet to do it all again the next day. Now we're two years later of Nothing and my bones are poking through itching and itching and itching. but, really, at the end of all of these chapters in my life, my bones and brain have been clawing inside me since i was 5.

I feel like the clouds are booming overhead and the rain is just a millasecond away. that darkness around you and the smell has been lingering for 3 years at the very least. and everyday ive remarked "it's going to rain soon" like I'm 10 again, but theres no excitement left in my throat.

the easy answer is The Mental Illness needs treatment. The dirt ive grown my garden in is tainted and poison, it all needs to be ripped up and dug out and replaced. but i feel too that as much as I've always tried, since the first time my doctor told me "depression" and handed me those little rattling capsules. but its molded over and the weeds grow back and the slugs eat away my plants and ants make their homes deep inside me.

and i say all that and i still have my shiny little speck of hope that maybe im wrong and that maybe ill get better and maybe ill be okay for a while more and that things will be okay and that maybe one day i can have a flourishing garden and maybe it'll be beautiful and maybe it can even feed me and give back to my heart. and that maybe I'll have enough to give to the people I love and the people I care for and the people I want to surround myself with. but it feels like its getting harder to agree with myself that the hope really even is there anymore. i feel like i rip up my garden time and again and at this point its for the catharsis more than an attempt at healing.

i want to thrive and i want to bloom and i want to grow so tall, feel as strong and powerful as I did for a few moments in my life. but how do you even begin to overcome the Dread Of It All? I know, again, the mental illness will drain you out and fill you with poison. fill you with false ideas and false promises of terrible futures and terrible presents. but at the same time... I feel like it'd be so delusional to not feel this way?

i think one of the worst parts of a sick mind is knowing youre sick, to see yourself rot and mold and wither, and being absolutely powerless to stop it. thats why im so scared all the time. thats why I've been screaming in vents and readmores and even those embarassing facebook statuses filled with carefully curated lyrics no one cared about but only to give a chuckle and say "chin up, eeyore". its not the people. its not the places. its not so much leaving my safe spaces. because i know these spaces arent keeping me safe and well. but its the fear of Getting Worse and NOT being able to pick myself back up this time. its the fear of Ruining myself, my life, my everything with one wrong move. It's like trying to sleep with a nightlight, knowing that one day the bulb will flicker out and I'll have to either be brave enough for the dark or i'll have to be quick enough to replace that light. I've been reaching for nothing every day and night, and sometimes i find a hand to grab on to, but it always loses its strength. whether a fault of my own or a fault of time.

and i was simply never that brave. im only good at keeping my head down and hoping it away. but that doesnt fix me. im still so scared all the time.

im tired. im so tired. im a coward and thank god for that. it lends me more time, but im not quite sure its worth it.

and i think one of the worst things is the crowds asking me "what is your dream?" "what is your plan?" "what do you want from life?". and its the worst not because I don't have an answer, but because no one really understands where I'm coming from when I say it. No one quite gets it, they laugh it off, they say "oh thats everyones dream". The answer has been the exact same since I was old enough to really understand what it meant to hold it. and old enough to know that I'll always get a laugh or a chuckle or a brush off the shoulder when I let it leave my mouth.

"I want nothing more in the world than to be happy one day."

and of course everyone wants that. and of course everyone says that. and of course that doesnt quite Answer Your Question The Way You Expected. But it speaks deeply and it speaks my entire existence into frame. Why doesn't anyone hear it and understand what it means to be nearly 30 and have such a basic need of a dying wish?

I get it. it sounds dramatic. it sounds pathetic. it sounds silly. it sounds laughable and it sounds like its not been well thought out. Sure. And maybe when I was 10 and said that, it was a bit moody. it was a bit edgy. it was a bit needy. And when I said it when I was 13 it continued to be a joke to everyone and i laughed along with you nervously. But by 17 I understood deeply that I had never been happy. The closest things I ever felt to happiness at 17 also tore me to pieces. and sure, no one is free from bad things. maybe im just not the right person to be doing what I was trying to do. thats okay. sure i can grow out of that awkward 17 year old frame and I did and I got older and i got bigger and i stood more confidently and i spoke more freely. I wasn't 17 anymore when I was 20. I thought I was better, everything pointed to a future and a possibility of being okay. but I got worse and I got worse fast. I was 21 and I beat my fists on my sink and i stared myself hard in the face. i couldn't see but I couldnt think either. i growled like i was steaming over and had no choice in the matter.

"I want nothing more in the world than to be happy one day."

im not so alone anymore and i dont feel my heart twang that awful awful pain quite as much. but my wish stays the same. and maybe thats my fault for making it so vague and so misunderstand-able (thats not a word is it? lol). but how can i even move past that to plan and to dream and to really hunger for progress when, at the very core of my body, at the very core of my being, i've wanted nothing more in the world than to be happy.

i really thought for so long that maybe happiness meant a person, but ive kind of always known thats probably not the case.

i want to be loved. i want to be known deeply. i want my company desired. i want my words to be welcomed. and i want to stop screaming to a void.

and again maybe thats my fault. maybe im so entrenched in my own mind that I can't let people in. but I'm still 4 years old crying for my mom. im still 13 on the carpet of my basement, begging for someone to hear me. im still 16 begging for people to give me their time and affection, not really knowing what the really really honestly meant to ask of your peers as a 16 year old. im still 17 holding back tears on the bus ride home, telling myself "its worth the pain to have a moment of being "wanted"." im still writing lyrics in my statuses in my head and im still hugging myself to feign a piece of tender company.

im deeply alone in myself, whether thats the truth of reality or not.

"I want nothing more in the world than to be happy one day."

it means everything but its laughable. thats just kind of me though, right? laughable entirely, lol

#sucktacular sucks #vent #death #suicide #self harm #existential dread #covid #might make this private later idk im embarrassed to post these anymore but also damn it do feel good to shout to a crowd not listening

[seishun-emergency]

you stop that. we already had the yuzuru is punched by tori unbloomed. (but i am so sure he's going to learn abt the military facility this time it's so imminent) my personal hope is also arranged marriage follow-up please i want it so bad

and even if it's not tori christmas pt 2 maybe he can still get the christmas scout? 🤔 i think it's somewhat possible ←trying to do the math for average gap between 5*s

BUT OMG i hope you're having fun on your vacation!!! even though it is deadly hot rn <//3 what places are you visiting? madrid?

WHAT IF HE'S FIGHTING WITH YUZURU IN THE UNBLOOMED!!! itwould be sooooo evil of happiele to give us an unbloomed where wataru is holding him back from launching himself at yuzuru again and his eyes r full of tears and u get to see yuzuru's back as he's stepping away from very angry and upset tori <3 arranged marriage followup would be so interesting.... admittedly i still have to read pretty mission but from what ive heard abt that plotline it. Sure Is dude. i love getting to see tori have to deal with the social responsibilities of being the next head of the himemiya family and the politics there... obviously i do not know how closely related this is to pretty mission but in one of the other stories (tempest? i do not remember) where tori mentions taking more business-related classes at yumenosaki to prepare better to take over the family business... it's such a good way to highlight the earnest and serious and hardworking parts of tori and i hope we get more of it. as a treat

i hope they do tori christmas part 2 i think its what toriPs deserve. that boy is so christmas coded its unreal. it could also be a fun opportunity for a lookback scout maybe.... since we know abt the "tori getting left alone on christmas as a kid" lore. or something. i lied i want torikasa lookback scout more than i want tori christmas pt 2. or both if its possible that would be so awesome....

vacation is fun so far!! we've been here a day so i'm still pretty jet lagged but we've been walking around a bit today and visiting some big markets and shops and stuff :) in barcelona right now but i think we're moving around a bit in spain to visit some smaller towns... and then we're going to paris next week too!! excited for that. going to live my uh. best shu itsuki life? excited to visit all the art museums and the cafes. europe is fun this is my second time visiting at all and i love the energy of the cities and all the architecture.... even just walking around is so cool. maybe after trip is over i will post the ibahiyo "business" trip highlights....

#leo composes #ask tag #mar yume-fanfare #tori unbloomed is going one of two ways and its either going to be adorable or The most gutting shit known 2 man #and i'm terrified to find out which <3

[blorbocedes]

Alright PART 1 of the Valrussy fic this accidentally ended up being super long so I'll drop PART 2 in your askbox super soon. This one is mostly an intro and background info opener:

30 November 2022 Monaco

The race at Abu Dhabi must have been the most controversial race in the history of F1 so far ofcourse what else could be expected when 15 out 20 cars DNF especially when one of the remaining 5 cars caused the other 15 DNFs. Given Latifi's record people were unsure whether this was a revenge tactic for being kicked out of F1 or genuine incompetence on his part.

George knew that he shouldn't think this way on some level he remembered that Nicholas was his friend and longest teammate but when you have the win snatched away from you on the last lap of the race it's hard not to be bitter. Instead of celebrating his win with the people he loved best he had ended up spending half of the week under the care of an overly attentive Toto. He had no idea how Toto ended up being his emergency medical contact but he was mostly certain that had not been his own decision mostly likely something Toto had done on his behalf. Lewis had come to see him in the hospital but by now he knew Lewis didn't care not really he had just shown because he had to and brought flowers that George hated. Lewis had stayed for barely 10 minutes blabbering on about some pretty little German (or was it Finnish?) blonde that he was meeting in Greece for the winter break. But it was his parting statement that had made George wish he had the energy to throw the IV stand at his retreating figure "You should really get rid of Toto as your emergency contact you know he tends to go a bit overboard he was the same with Rosberg". Ofcourse Lewis thought it was that simple because he only ever got the good side of Toto. No one knew the real Toto Wolff not like he and Nyck did. Well maybe not even Nyck knew the Toto the way he did. Toto was his first time. He remembers being 18 knowing there was only one way to his dream and bargaining away the only thing that he had that was worth giving. He remembers spending hours crying into Alex's arms after but refusing to tell Alex what was wrong.

These days he could probably stop their little arrangement but more and more he found himself seeking out Toto maybe his business was now just hardwired to need Toto. Even if it made him sick to his stomach. Even if his brilliant, beautiful, loving girlfriend had been slipping him articles on grooming and therapist's numbers since the first time she'd walked in on them and he knew she was a saint because anyone else would have dumped his ass and sold the story to the highest bidder.

An FIA representative was here to see him now sitting across from him in Toto's living room. She seemed as nervous as he felt. "As you know Mr. Russell we having a long standing tradition of a winner's room" she said delicately "and well this time you've been chosen but since you were ill we agreed to postpone the winner's room till you recovered"

He almost laughs with relief at this point he would do anything to be out of Toto's house "That's alright with me" He says trying to keep the joy out of his voice " but I didn't keep up with who won to be honest with you. Could you clue me in on where I need to go?"

She smiles brightly and says "We'll be flying you down to Finland. Valtteri Bottas was the 2022 Abu Dhabi grand prix winner"

He promptly vomits on Toto's expensive rug. He remembered what Valtteri had promised. Why him?

I am once again overwhelmed by my anons who are worth their weight in GOLD and other precious metals and minerals 🙏🙏🙏🙏 please save this somewhere that isn't my askbox 😭

when I tell you I'M HOOTING AND HOLLERING. 15 DNFS!!! An Alfa Romeo win!!!!! Latifi said aite I'm out!!!! 🚶‍♂️ George about to WIN his first race getting bonked on the head...... something about Lewis not actually caring about George but showing up cause he's expected and bringing flowers he hates??? *chef's kiss* and then he's vacationing with some pretty blonde German or Finn 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 IN GREECE TOO?!?!!! you did THAT (for me🥺).....

Lewis only getting the good side of Toto..... only nycky and georgie porgie pudding pie knowing the Real Toto...... who dangled a seat in front of him at 18.... the way you were scientifically created in a lab to write something so specific to ME sgdjdjd and then he went home and cried to ALEX *faints* toto being creepily overly invested...... and then George sweet stockholm syndromed self defeating fuck going BACK to him, hardwired to need Toto... cause yea it's terrible but better the devil you know, than the devil you don't??? his poor gf....... naur not the grooming articles and therapists George will never go to cause Nothing Happened and He Is Fine, Actually..... the Dynamics here!!! he's in Toto's living room and he can't leave!!! Until literal FIA obligations come to play and we haven't even gotten to the valrussy.... oh my go d I'm at the edge of my seat. also thank you for making him throw up on Toto's expensive rug like a little chihuahua...

I'm sitting with clasped hands for part 2, 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ this has truly brought me so much JOY thank you!!!!!! i hope I can convince you to give it a home on ao3

Part 2 here

#f1 rpf #valtteri bottas x george russell #cw: grooming #the winner's room #valrussy #brat tamer valtteri bottas #blorbocedes ask #hardest working anons in the business I've always said this #cw: dubcon

[lowellstephens]

It is now 11:40 pm February 21, 2023. Well now its 11:47 pm.

I will explain a little bit about shelter life. I guess that the same can be said about jail. This shelter is the Randels Island shelter. It’s said to be one of the worst shelters in the city along with Atlantic Avenue shelter. I don’t think that this shelter is that bad and I have been in the Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn and I didn’t think that was that bad either. Basically, you have to mind your business and not get in trouble. You have to be ready for “beef” at anytime, even if you are sleeping. I sleep with ‘one eye open’ which just means that you should never be deep in sleep, as most of you readers sleep at your home. I never sleep too heavy even when I was not in the shelter.

I will talk on family in this post. I am holding up a 20.00 bill because I called all three (3) of my children. My oldest daughter never pickup my calls or texts, my youngest daughter answered but just flat out said “no” this time, but to be fair she has loaned me money in the past. I told her that if she loaned me 12.00 I would repay her 50.00. She said yes, that time. I asked again and she said yes again so I have to give her 100.00 tomorrow. My oldest daughter never picked up.

I called her at 12:20 am the day before and she said that I called her ‘too late’. When I called at 8:00 am the next morning she never picked up. So that equates to ‘no’. To be fair she has loaned me money at great cost. I borrowed 5.00 and I have to repay 15.00. I borrowed 20.00 and she said that I have to repay her 150.00. I have to give her 100.00 for the phone. So that is 250.00 total. Then I called her for 52.00 but I have to tell her that I will give her 400.00 total tommorow which is today since it is now 12:05 am now February 22, 2023.

I called my son, my firstborn son which is Lowell III. His son is Lowell IV. I am Lowell II. My father was Lowell I, but he is dead. Anyway my son did not give me 20.00 either. To be fair, he was giving me 25.00 every day for about 2 months but I quit, or he fired me because I wanted him to pay the 25.00 by 5:00 am every morning. He could do it, so that job ended. I told him that I get up at 5:00 and the money would serve me better that way. Since he fired me. they don’t want be to see my grandson anymore. He (my grandson) and is my little buddy.

The 20.00 bill that you that I DID finally get from my sister, I have to repay her 40.00. Why repay such rates? Because when you are in jail or the shelter, rejection hurts 4x harder than in person.

So later on today I have to Zelle a total of 540.00 for borrowing 24 + 77 + 20 = 121.00 dollars. Shelter life for me.

[fruitsilly]

10 people you want to know better (tagged ppl are under no obligation to do this <3!!)

thank you jude @pansyfem for tagging me! this looks like fun :3

relationship status: single, but heavily lushing/meshing (the sensual/alterous equivalents of crushing respectively) on this guy in my class at uni rn. and i really. Really want him to be my boyfriend holy fucking shit he's so cute. anyways. i also have a milder squish on a girl who's also in my class. i have two exes but i am aromantic and since they were romantic relationships which needed reciprocation they didn't work out. i am still friends with one of my exes (who's also arospec) tho so it's all good!! :•D

favourite colours: my top 5 fave colours are

green

purple

pink

yellow

blue

in that order :)

favourite foods: ough pasta. any kind of pasta really but i am especially partial to lasagne. i also love cheese and pizza. oh and how could i forget!!! millionaire's shortbread!!

song stuck in my head: TOXIC BY BRITNEY SPEARS!!!!!!!!!! although before this it was the borgia family horrible histories song :)

last thing you googled: i use firefox bc im swag so technically i duckduckgo'ed this Anyways. i searched for the tv show "you" bc i saw a gifset from that show featuring a lady i am incredibly bi for and i was like 👀 will i have to watch this now

time: 9.32PM (im gonna write the time of posting this bc i wrote this in my notes app)

dream trip: spain or scotland!! spain bc im learning spanish and scotland bc it's just such a lovely country <3

last thing you read: "the children" by lucy kirkwood! it's a play im reading for my course :)

last book you enjoyed reading: ugh i haven't had the capacity to actually sit down and read a physical book for... too long it's been ages. it's mostly to do with my disabilities and time :( i started reading good omens on my phone but i didn't finish it (i like it so much better than the show lmao). but the actual physical book i read last was "death sets sail" by robin stevens, the final book in her "murder most unladylike" series. ough. ive been with that book series from literally the very beginning. id highly recommend 👍

favourite thing to cook/bake: sadly i don't do enough cooking or baking to know but what i have made is fudge which was quite fun! ive also made a delicious cheesy pasta bake hehe

favourite craft to do in your free time: again. i haven't had the capacity or time to actually make any art since like... march, so, 7 months. yeesh. i miss making digital art. id like to pick it up again but idk when that'll be. id also like to try and get a badge maker bc i have loads of ideas but ugh time is a problem. im just so busy at uni.

most niche dislike: im sure there's Something since im autistic and autism is the Strong Opinions Disorder but nothing's coming to me atm [shrugs]

opinion on circuses: ive only been to one in my life and i really enjoyed it apart from the clowns who i found scary but i was like 8 i think. im less scared of clowns now. also the general aesthetics of them fuck severely

do you have any sense of direction: hardly lol! i have a great photographic memory so even going a certain route once with someone who knows the way i can remember it HOWEVER i am utter shit at finding my way with a map on my own. google maps is always open when im trying to find a place and even then i frequently go in the wrong direction or miss a turning. i just cannot translate distance on a digital map to irl distance. don't even get me started on using a traditional map bc g-d above. id end up more lost than i was before. im excellent at just confusing the hell out of myself <3

tagging: @sillyspooky @skylightz @bromantically @transgenderpolyhedrals @folderone @gir-posting @nvr-pass-spookier-version @heartslobbf @taikacohen @laymedowninsheetsoflinen (plus anyone who sees this and wants to do it just say i tagged you ^_^). again no obligation to do this !! :)

#apple rambles #tag game #rbs turned off i don't this turning into a massive rb chain soz #have fun ppl!

[marshmallowprotection]

I. Would like to ask for a (romantic) match-up if that's okay 👁 because I've been into mystic messenger since I was...God, 15? Way back when it first came out. I'm in my early 20's now and once again replaying. These characters will forever hold my heart, I swear.

Okay. I'm not so sure where to start with this? I'm a college student, studying alternative medicine. Wanting to become a business owner in the future. (Herbal medicine, homeopathic medicine, etc.) I started this all because I watched a show one time where the girl was an herbalist, and I was like "wow I wish that was a real job." BUT THEN 5 MIN OF RESEARCH AND IT WAS I WAS MINDBLOWN, anyways so I've been at it for a couple of years, very passionate about it. I love to give my friends and family Herbal remedies to try and stuff, it makes me happy. On top of this, I love crystal healing (like reiki!) And I've been learning a lot of stuff like tarot and palm readings!

I have essentially two sides, pinky where I am my melody in the flesh, and then my kuromi side where I wear more HARDCORE fits (the hard-core in question: dark purple and black sweaters and black mini skirts lol). So just overall very girly. I'd say my main aesthetics are Cottagecore (currently redoing my room in all mushroom and strawberry themes!), fairycore, and then a whole lot of sanrio.

My humor? Awful. Bad. "Unfunny" except I'm actually hilarious. I tend to have a bit of darker humor, and I make a lot of dirty jokes. My friends say I have the humor of a 12 year old boy JAOSKEJDJD SO THERE IS THAT. I'm pretty energetic too!

I'm a writer in my free time, and though I say I like to read, I mainly just read fanfiction. I tend to get these characters I really like and obsess over them extremely for a long time. I get merch of them, I write about them, I stay up for longgg periods of time reading about them. Yeah it's bad, and even when I do one day date someone I ain't giving up my fictional men so they gotta deal, hahaha.

I struggle with explaining and showing my emotions. I grew up in a family where communication was not much of a thing, we either got mad and blew up at each other or gave each other the silent treatment. And I never liked this. Even when I'd cry they would get angry about it, and don't get me wrong they're great parents and I love them dearly, but communication and feelings have just always been hard with them, and therfor awful for me. I try my best though, I really do. And that's why in a relationship I desperately need someone patient and at least decent at communicating. Even when I'm bad. I mean I struggle to hug people and tell them how much I care about them a lot because of how I grew up, but I try so hard!!! I wanna break this cycle and have a healthy relationship!!!

I will add though I do somehow enjoy deep conversations. Like we could be talking about stupid stuff one second and then switch to a talk about our deepest life regrets or talk about just how we think the universe works. I like learning about how others think.

I let people walk all over me, I struggle to say no and I take on a lot more than I can handle sometimes to please other people. Anddd then inevitably burn out and isolate for a while. It's my toxic trait that I also need to work on lol.

But overall I'd say I'm fairly outgoing? I love love to talk and ramble about stuff. I'm not sure how much of this media you know but in case it helps my highest kins are Taiga (from Toradora), and then Hu Tao and Ganyu from genshin HOW I KIN BOTH OF THEM IDK I got two sides. My outside personality: Hu Tao vibe, my inside personality: Ganyu. And then Taiga is just actually so me ive never related to a character so hard. Ignore this part if you don't know the media :3

My love language is gift giving, I love to give people things and make people baked goods and write them things and aaa I just love it. Problem is I hate when people give things to me in return which they often feel like they have to. It just makes me feel bad and awkward to recieve gifts, it's another thing I need to work on. Receiving wise I'd love someone who's love language is....actually?? I'm not so sure?? I'd appreciate any, but I feel like quality time is the most important to me.

I'm a bit adventurous, while I like spending days at home I also like to go places and just explore and have fun. Being cooped up inside too much usually puts me in a depression, as I extremely found out during covid. I like to enjoy places with pretty scenery and nature over cities however, crowds do stress me out and I'm a teensy bit of a germaphobic (I say teensy but it's actually kind of not teensy. An awful habit I have is scrubbing my hands raw so they are always dry and in pain. Ironic for someone studying alt. medicine, huh? WORKING TO OVERCOME THOUGH)

I like to watch anime and play games like honkai impact and genshin impact. I love to cosplay pretty characters and go to conventions, I do tend to dress not so modestly however. Cosplays especially I wear revealing ones. My latest cosplan is Elysia from Honkai, her herrscher outfit specifically. I'm just decently confident(-ish) with my body and I like to show it off sometimes.

I fear this is becoming long so I wrap it up. In a relationship I DO NOT want kids. I do however want and value marriage. I need someone patient with me and understanding, and ideally affectionate? I love to dote on people and be doted on in return. And yeah! That's about all I got! I'm excited to see who my Kait assigned soulmate is, hehe. Whoever you pick I am 1000% gonna redo the route of. (Unless they're routeless, in which case fanfic time.)

I match you with...

Jumin.

Hear me out, that might sound wild given that he might not share all of your values on a surface level. But, you have a lot more in common than you think, and you can learn and grow with each other in a way I imagine would be fruitful. You're the kind of person who wants to do something for the world. You want to see some change in a way that can do more than you'd be doing if you were just another part of the machine. You want people to heal in a way that's right for them, not just physically, but emotionally, as well. You see the value in trying to reach someone from all angles.

That kind of out-of-the-box thinking is what works for Jumin. Do you think he acts in the guise of knowing something? He doesn't. He will travel to new avenues and look for better answers when something is not working anymore. He loves to listen, talk, and designate the best way to make changes for customers and employees. The two of you are best described as problem solvers who need to see something in this world move for the better. That's why you can talk for hours and hours about anything with Jumin. You both value discussion in a way that nobody else understands.

But, what you get with Jumin is someone who really won't push you around. Not just in conversation, but in life. He wants to see you grow to a point where you can say "no". He wants you to look everyone in the eyes and say what you mean. You deserve to be heard. Your voice is valuable. He won't let anyone step on you, not even himself. Sure, he will kick himself for the way he treated you during his route, but he learns, listens, and grows to be the kind of man you deserve.

All and all, your life is Jumin is about the two of you. Your family is the RFA and that's all you need. You both love to take care of each other! It's sweet that you'll have a race to see who can make breakfast first just to surprise the other... races to the kitchen aren't unheard but... let me tell you, Elizabeth beats the two of you there every time. She has the zoomies.

#ask #anon #mod kait #matchup #matchups