#the whole incident was extremely baffling to me

[goldkirk]

I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!

#I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING #IT DOESN'T HAVE TO OVERRIDE ALL OTHER PROGRAMMING EVER AGAIN #HA #MY GOD THAT FEELS LIKE TWO DECADES OF RELIEF #and I found out yesterday. that this year. next winter. it IS two decades. exactly. this is the year. every day i am shown new reminders #that keep me going in my mission to relearn to fully and instinctually trust my self #ever since [redacted therapist] asked me point blank and my IMMEDIATE response was complete disbelief #a firm 'you think there's any universe where i'd feel like i could trust myself? after my nonstop history of failures and being horrible?' #tone “No!” of disbelief #and a horrible way-too-harsh laugh that bolted out before I could strangle it off and stop it. #that woman never coddled my feelings any time I spoke something alarming or bullshit and that was so helpful to me #and the tone she let exist in her voice when she responded to me with a very uncharacteristic “Oh Katie.” #was so. so much more agonizing for me. than her responding with an immediate logical slam-dunk of the truth about healthy behavior and stuf #anyway ramble over i'm so tired. i've done so much trauma work this week i am Drained emotionally #now i see what the past several months but especially especially #the baffling (to me) infuriating out-of-control-speedrun-somatic-processing + every-health-condition-flaring slog that December and January #were for me when I hadn't expected anything to be wrong #...and the extremely specific way this certain zone and particular incident kept coming up over and over and over and over and OVER was not #a bug. it was a feature. thank goodness i trust myself for little things now bc that's the only way i was able to get to this other side #and look back and suddenly realize that my subconscious and body knew what they needed and had a plan in progress the whole time. just like #i rationally say I trust them to have and do. #and that perhaps maybe. for real for real instead of just TELLING myself hard enough a lie that i trust my self and i trust my body and tha #they always know their own needs and timing if really slow down and listen to them f u l l y #anyway. yeah. bye haha i need to stop oversharing on the internet #trauma evolution #shh katie #personal #my god. i wished for this day more than i wished for anything else my whole life. all these many many many many years. what magic. #add to journal #abuse

[mixelation]

ninjacon rambling again

i want to write minato (his pov) at ninjacon but in order to this it turns out i have to. make? timeline decisions???

NINJA CON 1: Tori and Kakashi go. Kakashi leaves her alone for too long and Sasori finds her. Tori is 14-15.

sometime after this tori and itachi start a book club and also they start dating

NINJACON 2: Tori and Kakashi go again; Minato decides extremely last minute to just show up. Kushina tells him he has to actually enjoy his vacation and bans him from coming home except for emergencies (bc otherwise he'd go home to sleep and likely get distracted by something in Konoha). Tori is 15-16

sometime after this The Cave Incident happens

also at ninjacon 2 i want to play around with a few things. 1) civilian perception of the yellow flash (and more broadly, kage and ninja and the war). 2) minato and kakashi interacting as adults during their down time, and then 3) minato-tori one-on-one interactions.

i think for the last one, though, i need to do a better job at building up the tori-kushina relationship? i don't actually find kushina that interesting by herself (she's just not a character type i gravitate towards) so i feel like i've given this less rotation that i should have.

i think kushina projects a lot onto tori, in that tori is the girl of the team AND from another village (which was destroyed!) AND she's into fuinjutsu. PLUS tori very obviously needs the most coaching in standard ninja skills. so like kushina maybe sees tori as her unofficial apprentice? kushina is pretty apt to make excuses for her entire team's behavior, but she's obviously the most excited about teaching tori, and then after team 4 naturally dissolves as part of the genin team life cycle, tori has the most ongoing professional interactions and mentorship from kushina moving forward.

(tori is annoyed by kushina for the first three months and then somewhere around iwa a switch gets flipped and tori is like. actually kushina-sensei is the only person i trust to like me unconditionally. she is a key part of my mental health and i will kill anyone who tries to fuck with her)

anyway!! so i think kushina probably talks about tori a WHOLE LOT in private, and probably minato has a lot of fondness for tori that's literally just there because kushina likes her. some of tori's fuinjutsu is baffling and horrifying to him. i guess i have to decide how often they've interacted over that?? but he likes her even if they've barely had any one-on-one time. i just have to maybe reflect on what exactly kushina would like to babble about

#reborn au

[rationalisms]

sorry to whack a wasp's nest, and i am prefacing all of this by saying that i enjoyed the game and think there are a lot of good aspects to it, but!

i am genuinely so sick of the way people talk about baldur's gate 3

i don't think it should have won game of the year

it's so, so irritating to see people claim over and over that bg3 is somehow groundbreaking for the genre or some sort of trailblazing star in a charred wasteland that has seen no good release since dragon age: origins. and like, it's not just idiots in the steam reviews and on reddit who are talking like this (though they are fucking everywhere on both. one of the highest rated posts on the bg3 sub for months was some dude literally going "i've never played a ttrpg or crpg and i believe bg3 is a game changer" fucking lol). it's also like. professional video game journalists and reviewers. a lot of them!

and like. dragon age: origins is really not a particularly good game compared to many of its contemporaries and i seriously do not understand the chokehold it has on people but that aside, since it was released we've had so many incredible and amazing crpgs that featured outstanding writing, game design, art direction, music, voice acting, etc. the pillars of eternity duology, underrail, the wasteland series, tyranny, atom, the shadowrun trilogy, the pathfinder duology, even the fucking games larian made before this, the divinity: original sin duology are all doing what bg3 did, and often better than bg3 does it. and that's not even getting into the many, many games that came out before either that still hold up as masterpieces that leave both bg3 and da:o in the dust like planescape: torment or fallout 1 and 2!

in fact, it's really easy to compare larian's previous game, divinity: original sin 2, to baldur's gate 3 because they are incredibly similar in many ways down to the inciting incident being almost a 1 to 1 copy (you wake up captured on a ship and realize you've been shackled in a way thay suppresses your powers and harms you and the first act is dedicated to finding others who this has happened to and getting rid of it). except that dos2 handles a lot of the things bg3 also contains a lot better, like e.g. companion story progression. (it's absolutely baffling to have story progression tied to rests especially when the game goes out of its way to instill fake urgency in the player that can very easily lead to them avoiding rests and makes especially many early game moments permanently missable if you don't happen to rest enough times at the right time. my karlach romance got bricked in my first playthrough for this reason. also compounding this is the fact that even on tactician the game is so easy that you can go ages without needing to rest organically.)

dos2 also unquestionably has the better combat experience because the system was designed specifically for the game and around the games capabilities and limitations, whereas bg3 had to contend with trying to make d&d 5e work in a video game format when that's patently not what it was designed for. the amount of changes larian had to make to the ruleset to make 5e work for a video game should have been a sign that using 5e was probably just not a good choice. (and ftr i felt the same about the game solasta which also uses 5e.) and even with the rule changes and the way larian went out of its way to buff the extremely underwhelming and underperforming 5e martials, character building and progression is still nowhere near as versatile and exciting as it was in dos2 or other crpgs and you still have a lot of empty level ups or repetitive gameplay because you can only put so many rhine stones on a turd.

let me be clear: i don't think bg3 is a bad game. again, i liked it! i think it has some instances of really good writing (mainly in companion narratives and side stories imo, the main story is underwhelming as whole). the voice acting performances are fantastic. larian tried their best to make non-linear problem solving possible in a lot of places which is neat (but also makes the lack of them in other places really obvious and more annoying than it otherwise would have been tbh lol.)

i just hate the way that bg3 is treated like some sort of gold standard when it stands on the shoulders of predecessors who are just as good, if not better, but who get ignored because they don't have fully mocapped and voice acted character models or a 3D camera. there seems to be this complete reticence from so many people to play games that still utilize things like an isometric pov, despite the fact that the games which do so are designed around this. e.g. pillars of eternity and the shadowrun games are some of the most beautiful, artistically impressive rpgs i have ever played and make full use of the isometric perspective in its fullest to create absolutely stunning environmental design which wouldn't have been possible with a rotating camera. just because a technology is older doesn't mean it is worse! people absolutely should get out of their comfort zone more because they are missing out on so many gems otherwise.

also re: bg3 winning game of the year specifically: look, here's why this gets me so tilted. on release? vast swathes of the game were legitimately unplayable. act 1 was mostly alright because it had 5 years to cook in early release with constant community feedback and bug reporting. this was absolutely not true for act 2 and 3. act 3 in particular was legitimately just not working for me (and multiple of my friends). i have a soupy gaming PC that can play other contemporary games on ultra settings just fine, and yet i got as few as 2 FPS and frankly ludicrous amount of stuttering and lag on even the lowest settings while my poor CPU sounded like she was preparing for space flight. it's clear that they just did not optimize later acts at all. they did eventually fix the memory leak issue somewhat in later patches, but the performance in act 3 is still markedly much worse than the rest of the game. (also why the fuck is it like 200GB good fucking g-d learn to compress your shit larian!) and that's not even getting into how many quests were bugged and as a result not able to be completed.

in summary: i paid 60 bucks for something that released in an unfinished state that put my hardware at risk. i spent a lot of money on a game i was unable to complete in the state that i bought it in and that took several months to get to an actually playable state for many people. that is not fucking acceptable.

i am willing to cut larian a lot more slack than i would say, e.g. bethesda, on releasing buggy and poorly optimized games. which is why i was willing to patiently wait for a performance patch to replay it. i am not, however, willing to accept handing something that was patently not finished and did not give customers the product they paid for an award for game of the year.

that's a symptom of an industry that has gotten too fucking comfortable releasing unfinished games and putting the onus of bug detection and quality testing on its paying userbase. that's not my job! i paid for this because i expect a product that has already successfully underwent this process! but apparently games these days don't need to bother with that anymore because it doesn't matter if it's playable on release or not, they can still get a coveted industry award for it anyway.

tl;dr: bg3 is literally fine but i am begging everyone on my hands and knees to broaden their horizons and also the things we deem to be acceptable from gaming companies nowadays are shocking. ok. i'm done. sorry.

#txt

[waters-and-the-wilde]

so the thing I love about that bit in Shadows on the Ship. the fact that Jet clocks their couples' therapy as 'the poetry you write for each other' totally makes sense considering. juno 'broody monologues' steel, and peter 'i am most comfortable expressing myself by being dramatic’ ransom glass ‘my Wound still Throbs when’t Rains you Brute‘ nureyev dipping into some rhythmic if not straight up iambic cadence when he's Doing A Bit

RELATEDLY. i think they're talking about their feelings significantly more than they're having sex. are they doing it effectively? dEBAtabLE but they are trynig. (nothing particularly explicit here this is mostly cut for length but that's the general theme of it)

the fact that Juno gets flustered and Nureyev is like 'lol damn right' whenever the their relationship comes up suggests (to me! because i think it would be funny!) that everyone else thinks they're going at it every chance they get when it's really more like 50 percent cuddling and naps and 40 percent making stupid jokes and heckling each other's poor breakfast decisions and getting distracted by talking about their special interests and whatever else passes for their couple's therapy/poetry sessions and they're only going at it in the remaining 10 percent that they get the time and energy and privacy for it

so post Cyberbots when they've got the ship back up and Juno's like 'uh hey. so the big guy recently said something about how we've been 'inconsiderate neighbors' and he wants us to keep it down', Nureyev is. genuinely baffled??

because first of all Nureyev does actually possess at least one (1) situational awareness, he also values his own privacy and is overall fairly conflict avoidant with their family, and he recognizes that Juno is very flustered by the whole 'having housemates who tease him about his boyfriend' thing. so Nureyev might not feel shy about their relationship but he's perfectly capable of being discreet, with the result being that he at least has thought this through

and then Juno's like 'he said something about poetry. and I'm uh pretty sure he meant the. um. you know. talkingaboutfeelingsstuff'

'ohhhh well that makes more sense. oh and we did have that one conversation before the Blade job that went until three in the morning. you'd had an awful lot of coffee that day.'

'yeah and you got really excited about Venusian opera traditions'

'it's not my fault the president of Venus is apparently a walking pastiche. oh well i'm glad jet said something. we'll get him some of that loose-leaf tea for his stash as an apology. and keep a closer eye on quiet hours shall we'

'UGH fine i GUESS'

- the thing is when they're not an item, juno's not exactly getting flustered about his sex life considering he's touchy about fuckety everything else. mick and sasha have no qualms about heckling him about his taste in guys and he doesn't get pissy about it. alessandra punches him for trying to pull a humphrey bogart and he's like 'not my usual thing but hey', he and valles vicky wake up in the same bed and make icky faces at each other and move on, ramses is like 'did i say your apartment' and juno's like 'ughh it's too early for your bullshit'

- he gets flustered about Nureyev bc he has actual feelings about nureyev

- in embrace of ice he does say they spent a lot of that year being busy and tired and traumatized and in their heads a lot after rebuilding from that extremely fraught reunion, but those comments in Shadows did indicate that they were putting the work in and i think it left plenty of room for 'hashing out their communication styles and figuring out How They Work in the present' while still acknowledging that they hadn't really worked their way up to talking about their pasts

- and it just seems like every time someone alludes to their sex life, the incident in question is both more innocuous and considerably more private, and if anything Juno getting Weird and Pitchy over an innuendo would make a really convenient smokescreen to hide something he actually Feels Weird About

'you two are going to be very busy tonight' [what NO we do Not Need This Right Now oh my god Buddy he's upset with me leave him alone] *gets defensive, coffee everywhere* meanwhile Nureyev's like *be cool act smug yes Captain very droll*

'we already delayed for your private celebration' [jeez we only talked! and there was crying involved! and then we were tired and fell asleep!] *gets defensive* meanwhile Nureyev's like *be cool act smug we were definitely doing what you think we were doing and not crying at all*

'this is true i have heard it many times' [like hell you have? we haven't even been at it that much? and i'm pretty sure he only makes a move when he knows you're in the garage and going to be there for a while?] 'okay NOT what I MEANT' okay honey Jet doesn't even do innuendo (although he absolutely would mess with juno by setting him up for thinking it is one while still intending the straightforward meaning)

- but otherwise the complaints/comments they get about their pda are about being mushy and kissy but in a 'urgh they're mushy and kissy' not 'send them to horny jail' way

- further headcanons not necessarily bothering with citations in the text:

- the carte blanche has a rule about private activities in private spaces. juno and nureyev have never actually broken that rule. buddy and vespa definitely have.

- i'm pretty here for some flavor of demi/grey-ace nureyev. his attraction to Juno hinging inherently on feelings of trust. catching feelings right off the fucking bat because those prerequisites for attraction were revealed and fulfilled really fast. being really really into Juno but liking sex as an expression of that intimacy and a way of showing how he cares for him, no more or less than being mushy and kissy or giving him little enrichment puzzles to get out of bed and spend time with their family

- he's not above illicit smooch cruises for thrills and giggles but given a preference doesn’t really go in for actually getting off in places that aren’t beds in rooms with locking doors

- also they made out in the garage one (1) time and then jet showed up and stealth-checked them, startled juno into headbutting nureyev in the chin and giving him a split lip. which nureyev thought was funny and took completely in stride but juno felt bad about it and reminded him every time nureyev tried to egg him into smooching in places they shouldn’t.

- and eventually he pulled the ‘what if we get carried away and I say your real name in a part of the ship where somebody could overhear it’ card and nureyev went ‘alright point taken’ (and he does think it's sweet that juno's trying to look after him like that)

- i don't think juno inherently has hang-ups about being caught in flagrante but somebody and i cannot for the life of me remember whomst now recently made a post to the effect of 'if rita found out he was kissing boys she would scream and he already has a headache' and you know what. yeah i think that about sums it up

- but never mind finding out Nureyev's name because Juno yelled it in bed, it's a goddamn miracle that Jet didn't overhear it on any of the numerous occasions that Juno yelled it in frustration because Nureyev was winding him up during their couples' therapy

- anyway tune in next time for 'also i think Buddy and Vespa are having significantly more sex than everybody else is aware of and you know what good for them'

#good evening i am Contending With The Unease today and went digging through the draft box hoping to extract one (1) serotonin #the penumbra podcast #tpp #juno steel #peter nureyev #jupeter #i love my gay space crimes family #it’s real hiatus hours lads #i think i've alluded to this before but my thoughts on this are Extensive #im ace and i think im funny

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Sunrise

First posted: May 11, 2019

Focuses on: Jason Todd and Damian Wayne

Tier: Middle of the road, not super popular but with more hits than I expected

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

Another ficiversary "give me a fic I've written and I'll add more" entry, this time adding Jason's perspective to Safe House. Also, I'll say up top here so I don't forget like I think I might have on Safe House's BTS brain dump—this one has a podfic!

Jason remembered returning to Gotham the way one remembered suffering through a fever. It was a wash of muddied, muddled images, an anxious blur of memories with no defining features except where the very strongest impressions blazed through. He remembered the rage. He remembered the plan. And he remembered the feeling of invincibility, of power.

Honestly, you say it's because of the Pit but I think everyone at some point in their life will hit a stretch of emotion where they react so utterly out of character that in retrospect it all seems a little dream-like and vague. He ain't special.

Fear had snapped at his heels like hellhounds, chasing him into the dark.

Yep, little bit of the If The Sky imagery, little bit of the Dean Winchester imagery, just sprinkled like seasoning. but also I have a feeling that used that phrasing somewhere else, too, and I can't remember where.

He brought seed packets to the Manor and helped Alfred plant them in rich, loamy soil. When not patrolling the streets, he wrapped himself in soft, tagless fabrics that soothed his skin and blanketed his frozen limbs in warmth. He filled his safe houses with small comforts—blankets, good food, his favorite tea, books, crossword puzzles, and soft rugs. He stayed inside on the nights when the wind howled and the sky crackled and the air filled with the smell of despair.

Self-Care King 👑

Storms had been worse for him since Bruce had dragged him back to the Magda Valley. (Everything had been worse for him since returning to the Magda Valley.)

I had to ask what had happened with the whole Damian resurrection thing and where it had happened. I don't touch canon, remember, but I'd read other fics that had referenced the incident in question and I had already set up in Safe House specifically that Damian had been revived via Pit. So here we are, though I like to think my version of Bruce would be less of a butthead about it.

He hadn’t even thought to check. Damian, to Jason’s disbelief and envy, had seemed to come back fine. Better than fine, even. The kid had returned with temporary superpowers and the welcome of the entire family, the little prince ushered back into the court.

I remain baffled by that little side story that I'm told is canonical. Why would the Pit give him superpowers? That's just silly, DC.

Jason was smart. He knew he was smart. He was cunning and he was clever and he was nigh on diabolical, and above all, he was smart. He didn’t need Bruce or Dick or any of them to admit it to know it was true. But it still stung, like a sunburn deep in his chest, to know they thought he was stupid, street scum, a thick-necked thug. Damian hadn’t been trying to be snotty. He’d spoken the truth in his surprise, and that innocence had knocked the wind out of Jason.

Jason, I think, will always have a sensitive underbelly when it comes to his origins. And while Bruce and Dick know for certain that he is extremely smart and that's part of his danger, they historically haven't been very good at communicating who Jason is to the other kids, and so Damian has had to make his own assumptions.

But he’d been looking down at this boy, this kid who looked tinier than Jason had ever seen him in his borrowed Han Solo shirt and rolled sweatpants, and thought about him getting caught in the rain.

teeby

#fanfic bts brain dump #jason todd #damian wayne #fanfic #batfam

[stormoflina]

I saw a video of Dominik and his father when they announced that he was joining Liverpool. And Dominik was doing alright up until the journalists got his father involved in the conversation and also I saw a video from a couple years ago I think Dominik was still playing for Salzburg back then and again people gave the word to his father and the POINT IS his whole demanour changes, he takes glanses over his father, and starts taking more time to answer the question and I can only imagine what goes in his head in a moment like that. 'How should i respond? Is this good enough? Am I saying something I shouldn't? Does my father approve?' And it made me really sad, no one deserves this kind of treatment and I hope that it all wasn't as bad as we might think it was. But I cried after the news of Dominik calling his dad crying while in aNoThER cointry because he misses home and for him to hung up on him 😭😭 sorry for the rant lol

Girl, don't you apologise, we LOVE rants in this blog!

While I'm not sure if I have seen this video you are taking about, even just reading this made me feel so bad for him. :( Maybe with knowing what we know from his interviews we are naturally more observant to all of this, but it's quite telling if poor Domi's demeanour changes so drastically with his father present.

I know he doesn't blame him, but I do lol, I just can't like his father. It's one thing that he raised his son in a certain way, but to be actually proud of how you emotionally neglected your child is baffling. Yeah, this is about the phone call story.

That just sounds so extremely traumatising. I remember that once I attended a hiking camp in Transylvania when I was 15 (same age as Domi when that incident happened), and I tried to phone my mom whining about getting a blister on my toe (lol), but we lost connection, and both of my parents were ready to get into the car and drive hundreds of kms just to see if everything is right. I can't imagine your dad hearing you cry on the phone under such circumstances and hanging up on you. That's so cruel.

[ad-hawkeye]

You can tag this under 50 Shades, but after I read this post from Hoyolab, hoyolab (.) com/#/article/19978642/, if this is true, I am very disappointed about this direction, though it is one I've seen coming. That being said, you've given your thoughts on the writing. In your ideal world, where would the cards post 2nd anniversary have gone, if you had to keep the general situation/environment, but could change up everything else about it?

holy fuck, the way i actually agree with everything in this post. here is the link for those curious, it's a fantastic read tbh.

a few of us in our tot discord have discussed this as well. here are a few brief snippets below.

sorry for the incoherent mess of thoughts below, words are Not coming easy HAHA.

but yeah... like the post said, barbie is a very good way of putting it.

i used to have the same issue with luke. i'm not a huge fan of characters being good at Too Many Things, especially when there's no flaws to balance it out. it really pulls me out of the story. so like. the more you try to impress me with a character, the less impressed i'll be. which. is why i haaaate artem's newer cards.

see, the thing is, the whole reason why i liked artem in the first place is because of how he felt like the down to earth option. he wasn't the childhood friend/undercover agent/detective/stem genius, he wasn't a ceo and son of the richest family in stellis, and he wasn't literal royalty. he was just a lawyer who worked with rosa. he was bad at talking to people. he was a bit of a homebody. he was LAME. completely inexperienced in romance. he was good at his job, but it was obvious he put all of his skill points into being a lawyer and no where else. his abilities with shooting and cooking were both important aspects to his character, but the skills hoyoverse added beyond that just baffle me.

he wasn't cool, but he was kind and genuine.

ever since second anniversary, there has been absolutely no consistency to artem's character whatsoever.

neil gets mentioned less and less even though he was a major part of artem's life AND character. neil was his father figure, since his parents were rarely, if ever, around. and yet, in recent cards, tot constantly goes out of its way to try and convince us artem's parents did nothing wrong. to add to that, we're lucky if neil is even mentioned.

in earlier cards, it was very clear artem was grieving neil's disappearance (see: entwined fate). it was also clear artem's childhood circumstances were extremely lonely and caused him to try and brush off the neglect because he didn't want to stress out his already busy parents (see: loving memories and his dreams of childhood sr)! earlier cards also hinted at traumatic events and a fear of firearms due to how dangerous neil's job as a lawyer was (see: focus fire).

but for god knows what reason, newer cards said well! fuck all of this! artem no longer gives one single shit about neil! also? honestly? the writers seem confused and disoriented by artem downplaying his childhood issues and just made it so he truly Had no issues with his childhood. which. ok. i guess.

in recent months, we have not had one single card where rosa and artem sit down to talk about how artem feels about neil's disappearance. one single card where artem even openly addresses any traumatic experiences. or emotional neglect in childhood.

remember when focus fire mentioned that a disgruntled mafia member held him and neil at gunpoint because he was pissed neil put everyone else in the gang behind bars?? no?? yeah, me neither! because it's never mentioned again! old tot content implies it was incidents like these, the general emotional neglect from his parents, and neil's disappearance that contributed to artem's closed off personality. but man, fuck that! for some reason!

this doesn't even touch upon artem's romantic and sexual inexperience, which has also been entirely undone. he's a sex god now, i guess.

and let us not forget how artem has learned and forgot the same lessons like, several times. artem did we not learn why jealousy and possessiveness are bullshit in atmospherics, por una cabeza, etc...??? are we really back at this again? and it's not even being addressed as a character flaw anymore? okay! okay. fine! whatever.

but okay. i'm getting off track. you asked me an entirely different question! where would i have liked to have seen the cards go? i think the cards following second anniversary are so... well, nothing that you could probably swap out the plots and avoid losing anything of importance.

honestly, i think artem's cards would have shined the best if they stuck to his original character. so when considering the confines we have now:

artem is extremely emotionally repressed. it'd take time for him to come out of his shell. and his early dating cards do begin like this! it's very endearing! several cards could focus on this progression as he becomes more comfortable and relaxed with rosa. progression into being engaged. living with someone for the first time. please.

rosa and artem's dynamic has like, vanished in recent cards. which is a goddamn shame, because their more comfortable dynamics in his railroad, revisiting youth, and snowfallen secrets cards are so charming! they joke around! artem's sense of humor pokes out! they act like real PEOPLE! they're silly! they're nerds! they're equals! i'd keep this dynamic instead of it just being artem flipping back and forth between sex god and "yes i will do whatever you want [insert player name here]"

neil. please, can we focus on neil. what being a lawyer means to artem. how neil influenced that. how artem feels about neil being gone, how artem feels about neil's possible betrayal of the nxx?? he could always have an arc of going through the stages of grief, or learning to look at things through a new lens. being sad neil won't be around for milestones. etc.

the incidents implied in focus fire. okay, being held at gunpoint is pretty uhhh fucking traumatic. did any other events happen bc of neil's status? his parents' statuses? is this why he is so emotionally repressed? is this why he takes the law so seriously?

his parents. can we stop acting like his parents did nothing wrong. please. his parents used to be portrayed under the "well meaning but ultimately very flawed" light, which i adored. it was grey. it was human. maybe artem could learn that it wasnt right of his parents to be so nonexistent in his life. his parents can still love him and make mistakes. maybe he could rebuild his relationship w his parents? maybe once he realizes what he went through wasn't normal, he can be angry, and work through it. idk! anything! please!

more focus on rosa. her studies. her exams. anything. her family. her past. her hobbies. her teaching artem something. rosa talking about her issues. pelase. Please.

it truly feels like his original writers got swapped out, and the new ones have no idea what artem's charm was in the first place. they have no idea how his character even works, so they're just desperately trying to attach Cool Hobbies to him bc they think he's more boring than the other boys when like. that's the fucking point, that IS his charm.

gosh this was so long and i'm sorry if it's like. UNREADABLE or if i totally missed the point but this was like. Freeing to type out. thank you for reaching out anon, it turns out i had more thoughts than i expected!! hope you're having a lovely day! : )

#tears of themis #artem wing #tot critical #fifty shades of artem #a lot of these started as nitpicks but w the newer cards it just keeps piling up and getting worse!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAA #feel like SHIT want entwined fate and focus fire back!!!!!!!!

[gerandor]

THANK YOU FOR THE ANSWER <33

i asked you this bc i needed it for a project, and you've answered it with something that would never cross my mind, thank you!

also i read your tags and it says that you wrote a thesis on lalo's character??? im really interested to read your thoughts about him, that is if you don't mind posting lol.

once again, thanks a lot!

Ok fair warning first; I'm really bad at putting my thoughts into words, so while this makes a lot of sense in my head, it may not do so here, so apologies in advance! Also i'm pretty sure others don't see lalo in this way and i'm just really weird like this; no need to fight me on this, i know, trust me!

When i think about lalo’s character, that one thing that stands out to me, is how distanced he is from a logical and rational thinking process. 

Lalo, to me, seems like someone who’d boast about their gut instincts, to the point they’d find no use for logical thinking because their instincts are always right (but we know for a fact that they’re not). Lalo has lived a privileged life in the cartel; he’s basically cartel royalty in a sense, and his charms, money and the Salamanca name have taken him anywhere he wanted to go. He is vastly different from a character like nacho, who has always been in a disadvantaged position and had to think on his feet as each step put him in yet another dangerous situation. 

I think the driving force behind Lalo’s character, that one thing that really makes Lalo who he is and informs his decisions and the things he does, is his skepticism and distrustful nature, which is btw not based on facts and evidence, but on the principle that everyone’s lying and everything's a lie unless proven otherwise. And so, when forced to re-evaluate his assumptions, he will either go to extreme lengths (bc he NEEDS to be right about this, goddammit) or he will just drop it if that need simply isn’t there. 

For the first case, just look at his whole business with fring. Lalo had no evidence to distrust fring. But he did it on the principle of distrusting everyone unless they proved to be trustworthy. I know people would just say lalo was so smart to “figure out” fring was behind the attack, but the truth is lalo had no evidence, so there really wasn’t any figuring out. He just arrived at that conclusion because he had this idea in his head that fring is behind everything. If there was any figuring out process involved in lalo’s head, he’d have figured out nacho as well. But he didn’t. Nacho had completely blindsided him bc lalo had decided not to distrust him on principle (why? What was about nacho that lalo liked so much to let go of his distrustful nature? God, these two.)

Also he thought he has no use for evidence until hector told him that he actually does. And remember how enraged he was that he had to go find evidence now? Why couldn’t things be simple? lol

For the second case, let's look at the jimmy incident. Even though I knew jimmy was lying, i was still baffled that Lalo thought he was lying. Bc to me, he wasn’t being rational. Being rational was how kim put things into perspective for him. Lalo was just being distrustful on principle. He didn’t have any proof and his way of thinking didn’t make sense. If he thought it was Fring who put him in prison and it was also him who attacked jimmy to steal the bail, (bc again, fring is behind everything, according to lalo) then how the hell did jimmy survive the attack and come back with the money? 

So yeah. I think what makes lalo’s character so interesting (and also a kind of antithesis to nacho) is how he fools everyone into thinking he’s so smart, but what’s really happening is that his decisions don’t really follow any logical thinking and piecing together clues and figuring things out. He just goes by his gut instincts and when he gets this idea in his head that someone’s the enemy, he becomes unhealthily obsessed. And when he decides someone’s trustworthy? 

Just look what happened with Nacho. 

#sorry this got out of hand i told you i wrote a thesis lol #i think what happened bw lalo and nacho had a lot to do with all of this #also sorry if this doesnt make much sense #bcs #lalo salamanca #nacho varga #bcs asks #better call saul

[wren-kitchens]

I'd be down for listening to the actors AU thing, please tell! /gen o3o

okay a couple people asked so here you go! (it is Very Long so brace yourself lmao)

so basically in this au, empires is originally a book series, that is being made into a show (s2 isnt a part of this rn because when i came up with the idea it wasnt a thing but it might be added later idk)

hermitcraft is a long-running tv show, currently on season 8 and are sometimes filming in similar locations to the empires crew so theres a bit of crossover between them

its gonna be lizzie/joel/jimmy/scott centric because i didnt really watch anyone else lmao

the actors!

lizzie and joel: they are relatively famous actors, who have been seen in a few things, quite often but not together. they are married in real life, and when the cast for the empires show get released everyone is extremely excited because theyre both perfect for the parts and are gonna get married in the show

jimmy: not as well known beforethe casting got released - was in evo ab 5 years ago, which is getting more popular due to the empires show coming out. good friends with joel and lizzie

scott: pretty famous on account of being in too many films and tv shows to list, also good friends with joel and lizzie (and like a million other people) but has not met jimmy yet. (and is almost immediately smitten when he does cough cough)

pixl: has a youtube channel corun with zloy and lyarrah about the hermitcraft show, which all of the actors for hermitcraft know about and love - everyone is very excited when the filming locations for hc and empires cross over

plot! (in general lol)

i have no idea what any of the specifics are but i have a few bullet points for what i want to include

lizzie, jimmy, xornoth and scott all make a club for the most elaborate costumes (mainly later in the season where theyre fish gods, demons and covered in ice)

hermitcraft members also have elaborate costumes (again esp later in the season because of the whole mooner thing) and when theyre filming close together, theyll all go out for dinner in their costumes and completely baffle the regular people in the restaraunt

scott is gay panicking whenever hes around jimmy, which is chalked up to amazing acting by everyone but joel and lizzie who know exactly whats going on

by the time they act the date scene, both jimmy and scott are crushing hopelessly on each other, and it turns into one of the most emotionally charged scenes in the whole show because of this

when they travel to a beach for the 'would you still love me if i was a fish?' scene they all have a beach day

i also want to edit some of the actual plot of empires (cause thats what happens with books bein turned into tv) for instance, jimmy finds scott's body after the whole xornoth incident and its like 10x angstier and all the fans love it

anyway yeah! if i ever get round to it ill probably write a couple oneshots because thats easier than a full longfic. if anyone wants to draw/write something for it please tag me!

#empires smp #empires au #empires smp season 1 #hoax writes #hoax's empires au #because theres probably a few other actor aus

[petrorabbit]

Let's Watch Batman Movies #1: The 1943 Serial

The first thing that needs to be said about the Batman 1943 serial is that it was anti-Japanese propaganda created during WWII. The stated and overt purpose of these films is to rally white Americans against Japanese-Americans and citizens of Japan. For some reason, I went in like, oh, I’ve seen racist propaganda before, this won’t be so bad. I was quite wrong! Early on, the action moves to Little Tokyo and the narrator informs us that it is vacant ever since “a wise government rounded up the shifty eyed Japs.” Extremely bad! And it’s like that the whole way through!

The villain is an original character named Dr. Daka who uses advanced technology to turn people into zombies that he can control, which is textually linked to the stereotype of Japanese people being subservient and willing to die for their leader. There are multiple scenes where Daka is about to use his brainwashing machine on someone, and they announce that he will never break their spirit of American independence and capitalist ambition! Although bizarrely no one ever breaks out of the brainwashing on their own, so I guess the American spirit isn’t that strong?

Daka’s lair is in this… okay, wait, let me try and explain this. So no one lives in Little Tokyo anymore and the only thing still there is this dark ride that shows scenes of anti-Japanese propaganda. The way to get into the villains’ lair is to ride the ride for a while, then get out at a certain point and buzz in on a patch of wall that opens into the hideout. But it does seem that Daka is owning and operating this dark ride, which is already a baffling thing to do, I mean I guess it has “the last place they’d think to look” energy? But people are also, you know, riding this ride, all day every day. Seems like a pretty big security risk, I don’t know. I feel like this is a pretty good encapsulation of the mood of the whole thing - villain’s lair is in a dark ride feels like a normal fun Batman thing, and then also, abject racism.

The version of this that I watched was edited to be one single movie, so the cliffhangers and previously ons were edited out. Every twenty minutes or so, Batman would just get into a life-threatening scenario and then almost immediately Robin would save him. It was always Batman almost dying too - I guess maybe they thought that audiences would not be sufficiently worried about Robin? This doesn’t do much for Batman’s competence, though. He definitely comes off as less than able.

Part of this is also that this Bruce is real young. I’m used to thinking of Bruce as a long-suffering father, but here he and Dick are presented as basically peers. They are collectively referred to as the “American youth” defending their country. Bruce apparently just takes Dick along on dates with him? At one point, when Bruce misses a date because he’s on an undercover operation, his excuse is that he took Dick to the amusement park and they were having so much fun, they lost track of time. The Brucie act is out in full force, but it also doesn’t seem to be much of an act. Like, this Bruce just isn’t actually very pressed about anything. He kind of does seem like he’s dressing up like a bat and punching people because it’s fun and gives him a thrill. Plus, since he doesn’t really do anything as Batman that he couldn’t do as Bruce most of the time, it kinda just feels like he’s wasting time by leaving to get into costume. There’s one scene where his girlfriend, Linda Page, is being attacked in a room he just left, but instead of walking back in and punching the guys, he has to leave, dress as Batman, climb through the window, and then punch some guys. Really feels like he’s playing kind of fast and loose with Linda’s life.

The inciting incident is also very funny. Linda wants Bruce to come with her to pick up her uncle, who is getting out of prison, but Bruce is purposely late to, I guess, make him seem like not a masked vigilante. As a direct result of this, the villains are able to pick up Uncle Martin first and brainwash him. Classic stuff.

There is a pretty cool effect during the car chase that follows, where the kidnappers release a gas that changes the color of the car and hit a button that turns the license plate around. A lot of the effects, sets, etc, actually look pretty good, which might just be me coming in with low expectations. The Batcave - called the Bat’s Cave here, which implies to me that Bruce is just renting it from the bats - looks decent but is very empty, and the shadows of bats flying around are pretty comical. 

They access the Bat’s Cave through a grandfather clock, which I think might be the first time that idea showed up? It’s also, if not the first appearance of Alfred, a very early appearance, and rather than the highly competent backbone of the family, he is a comical boob who’s afraid of everything. He’s also directly involved in their operation - like, he fully goes undercover more than once. He also gets to kill Daka at the end, by hitting the button that opens the trap door to Daka’s alligators that he has for some reason. And then Commissioner Not-Gordon, who didn’t see that happen, yells, “And let that be a lesson - The Batman never needs any help from the likes of you!” Whomp whomp.

I quite liked Douglas Croft as Robin, he had a Jack Dylan Grazer vibe that I really enjoyed. Batman and Robin are also explicitly working for the American government here, which is strange. What else? Oh yeah, there are TONS of costume changes, I guess they wanted to have Bruce and Dick & Batman and Robin in each segment? So they’re always running off to change clothes. They also go undercover a lot, Bruce constructs a criminal alter ego named Chuck White who “accidentally” lets the location of the Bat’s Cave slip. His description of it, btw, is “a big cave full of bats… and there, in the center, sitting at a desk… one giant bat, the size of a man.” Incredible.

A few last details: when Batman and Robin leave criminals tied up for the police, they put little bat stickers on their heads, which is cute and whimsical. Also, there’s this x-ray device? I guess? That identifies the criminals before they are let into the lair, and somehow this device positively identifies Batman. Like he puts his hand on it and the Batman logo shows up on the x-ray, as if it was printed on his bones. Anyway, at my count Batman and Robin broke 5 windows by leaping through them, including one skylight.

There is another serial but I’m not gonna watch it bc these are like 4-5 hours long and I just can’t. Tune in next time for Batman: The Movie (1966)!

#batramble #batman 1943

[shashibasket]

A heads-up for the MG RP community (UPDATED)

Oh boy. I hardly use this thing anymore except for extremely infrequent image posts, but now recent events have me looking for a platform that hopefully people still might glance at.

I wanted to get word out that someone out there is impersonating a friend of mine who plays a Draenei Paladin that has the in-game name Tiberíus (and that accent aigu as you will see is important) in Warcraft on the Moon Guard server by using a copy of his TRP3 profile and sending people unsolicited unsavory whispers.

As a quick note, there are about forty variations of the name “Tiberius” around being used for active RP characters and one of them you’ve probably heard of as the guild leader of The Imperium, a human character. He is not that one. ONWARD.

“Riiiiiiiight, it’s not really your bestie who would never ever do anything like that, suuuuuure,” I can hear you saying already, and honestly, that would’ve been my knee-jerk reaction on hearing the same from anyone else. I’d say, you don’t REALLY know what your friend is up to, they could live a whole secret life of youth-of-a-male-ing it up at random people and you’d never know. 

Fortunately, one person got in touch to let me know that it was going on in an attempt to warn me about my friend’s behavior and one got in touch with HIM to confront him about his behavior as told to them by one of the people who received one of these whispers and they both provided screenshots that made it clear what was happening. Unfortunately, the screenshots don’t say who would even DO this, holy heck, how crazy do you have to BE? But they do make it clear that the actual player of the Tibs character who is one of the kindest, most accommodating, most respectful people that I’ve ever encountered in RP and who I’ve been writing interconnected stories with for about four years and who NEVER showed any signs that they were this kind of person, isn’t living some kind of low-key scumlord life on the sly.  Incident One happened in early September. Someone who I didn’t know sent me a whisper asking if my ‘buddy’ was the kind of person who would send unsolicited mature whispers to people? I was baffled, alarmed, and defensive about someone potentially just looking to cause trouble, but asked if they had a screenshot so that I could look into it. They did! https://imgur.com/ocDLoDp On viewing the screenshot, a few things stood out: 1) The TRP3 icon for the character was wrong. It was the default Draenei male icon, which he doesn’t use for his profile, but it was present meaning the person who heard the whisper had loaded in the profile of the whisper-er, which would make the character name display as whatever the sender set it to.  2) The writing style is ALL wrong. I wouldn’t expect many other people to know this, but it’s LAUGHABLY not his writing style. Tibs is a casual character and is played casually, without any of the formality that Draenei characters can have sometimes. Even in the midst of the general perplexion we both had a big laugh about ‘the bull’. It has turned into a running joke, it’s just so ridiculously not a phrase he’d use. 3) Tibs has never once used the word ‘compatriot’ IC in the years that I’ve done daily hours-long RP with him, but he definitely knows how to spell it. 4) Being a person possessed of a full-time job, he wasn’t online at the timestamp that day (although it’s unclear what day it was from)

So this was a bit of a mystery! And all the rabbit holes of "but who would even do this and why, holy CATS?” lead nowhere solid, and since the whisper didn’t come to either of us and we didn’t know who it went to we couldn’t verify the OOC name of the character who sent it. It got filed under “Huh, That Was Weird” and we both moved on.

Incident Two was last night, where someone who I was actually aware of but never spoke with before got in touch with him directly to ask him what the heck was up with the whispers that he sent his IC wife. They also provided him with a screenshot! But this one, thanks to how WOW Instant Messenger works, had an important detail: 

https://imgur.com/XtDDN3r This time they had finally swapped in the actual character icon that he uses, but it showed the actual OOC name of the character, which was not Tiberíus (with a single accent aigu on the second ‘i’) but Tìberìus (with an accent grave on each ‘i’). Still, they had put his real IC name in as the character’s name in TRP3 which helpfully displayed that as the name of the whisperer. TRP3 is a great tool for immersion and has some really neat functions that don’t draw you out of it, letting people have OOC names like “Googlymoogly” and having it show an IC name like Lord Jacob Whittington the Third, but unfortunately those functions can also help someone with malicious intent impersonate another character very convincingly. 

The Draenei Paladin that someone made named Tìberìus no longer exists, the character has been deleted. Attempting to add the character to a friendlist confirms this. But that name was used within the last 30 days, as you can see when you try and make a new character with that name, the name is still reserved, and will be by whoever made it for a month:

https://imgur.com/nl0HvHA

It was a relief to have solid proof that it wasn’t him, but at the same time, there’s still a whackadoo out there who is apparently continuing to be terrible to people while deceptively pretending to play his character. There are, unfortunately, a whole lot of other alt codes that could be subbed in and used to continue to harass people in the name of the “real” Tibs. Neither one of us can think of who might be doing this and why they’d be using his profile of all the characters on the server to do it, he seriously doesn’t have enemies. He’s not a big-name player. He OOC and the character IC (slightly less so, Tibs IC can get flustered and cranky, but still) are friendly welcoming inclusive respectful cinnamon rolls. All of our various shenanigans pretty much fly under the radar of the server in general. Why, of all people, if someone was going to go around being terrible to people would they do it while pretending to be him? 

Which brings me to the point, finally, the one that elevates this from perplexing annoyance to Community Warning, which is that someone is out there sending unasked-for mature-content whispers to people (which isn’t a new phenomenon, unfortunately, I put in a message asking to not get unsolicited scene-starter whispers in my TRP ages ago) but also that if someone out there is doing it while imitating his RP profile, they might be imitating others. 

If you get one of these whispers, please right-click report it to the GMs. You won’t be doing any harm to Real Tibs by accident, because he’s not sending these whispers and TRP profiles don’t really factor in for GMs, they can see which account actually sent the message. He also has a ticket in for Ongoing Harassment, but there’s about a 24-day wait on tickets right now and situations like this can be complicated to get the GM team to understand when his character didn’t receive the harassment directly. Hopefully whatever crazy person is doing this will get their account dinged for it, but if they’re not banned or if they have the disposable income for a new account they might just double down on their efforts to be a nutty, nutty cocoa bean.

Watch out. UPDATE: A version of the impersonator was spotted in the wild! This one was Tíberìus - as predicted, with new variations on the alt codes. This time, the real Tibs WAS online at the same time.

#moon guard #moon guard roleplay #moon guard rp #warcraft roleplay #warcraft rp

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

468 of 2023

What is something you dislike about the dating world?

I mean,this whole dating thing is utterly baffling to me.

What gives you confidence?

Wearing that yellow safety vest with the logo of my company lol. Like, seriously.

Is there a habit you’re currently trying to kick?

Yeah, ordering too many things online.

Have you ever dated someone with very different sexual tastes than you?

Yeah, my husband is like that. I'm ace, he's not. At least we can compromise at times.

Have you ever said anything you regretted while drunk?

No, not really.

Has anyone ever been extremely jealous of you? Do you know why?

Yup, because I have way better work skills. But yeah, I have years of experience and that's it.

What do you wish you’d spent more time doing five years ago?

Travelling.

What is the most meaningful gift you’ve ever given?

Love, definitely. Love and caring.

What was the angriest your parents ever were at you?

My mum said I ruined her life. It haunts me until today.

What was the longest you stayed in your own home for?

I think a week, because I was sick.

Right now, what is your number one desire?

Road trip.

Do you feel as though someone ‘won’ in your last break up?

Not at all. It was amoicable and we're still good friends.

Whatever happened to the first person you ever loved?

I have no idea if he's even still alive lol. Nor do I care much.

What is the biggest difference between you and your best friend?

We have a different mindset.

Are you currently healthy?

I think I caught a cold from my husband.

What turned your life around?

Having that brain incident at work. Left me disabled.

What is something most people are turned on by but you’re not?

Boobs, I guess. I'm not into women in general.

When was the last time you felt truly at peace?

When we were at my parents' place.

What are the top three qualities that draw you to a new person?

Eyes lol. Then being genuine and kind.

What is the best positive change you’ve made recently?

I planned my budget and started saving money.

What song reminds you of good times from high school?

Anything Evanescence or Good Charlotte.

#survey #q&a survey #random survey

[jimilter]

riptide (m) | k.sj. | (1/2)

one | two

pairing:  kim seokjin x reader

rating:  m (18+)

genre:  angst | smut | established relationship!au

summary:  It takes a foolishly trivial incident to unravel how astonishingly little you and Seokjin actually understand each other. It has you questioning your relationship, and him? Well, he’s questioning his whole life.

warnings:  swearing + implied alcohol consumption + realistic relationship problems + mentions of insecurities, jealousy, complicated mental dispositions + emotional distress + sexual situations (unprotected penetrative sex, dirty talking, a bit of manhandling, fingering) + mentions of masturbation + a ton of miscommunication (refer to the summary smh)

word count: 12.3 k

note:  it’s FINALLY done, y’all! came up to be a monster of 25k words, so i decided to split it into two. i’ll drop the other part next week. this took a lot more time, energy and re-writing than i’d thought it would. i began writing this in january - it’s been five excruciating months! 😩 i really hope y'all will like this one~ 🥺💜

💟 YOUTH – 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

— masterlist

— feedback is always appreciated!

riptide (n) – a dangerous area of strongly moving water in the sea, where two or more currents meet.

Lady, running down to the riptide - Taken away to the dark side - I wanna be your left hand man.

The turn of events has been so fucking hilariously impossible that Seokjin has literally been rendered speechless. Which doesn't happen often, mind you. What can he do, he is just extremely witty—he always has something to say about everything, usually and preferably with impeccable comic timing. Especially when it comes to you. 

This, though. This completely baffling scenario, right in front of him, has him gaping like a goldfish with no words to say.

"Final call, Jin. Gawk at me for five more seconds and I walk out of here," you threaten, an elegant arm poised at your waist and gorgeously plump lips pressed into a thin line. "Say something?"

And Seokjin still cannot formulate a single word, because what the actual fuck? How can you even think that he could ever— 

"Alright." You catwalk out of his bedroom, leaving him blinking into space.

He jumps the next second, leaping after you. "Honey! How would—what—I can never—why do I even have to say—will you wait? You’re being so ridiculous, right now, I hope you know that!"

If he wasn't in such a fix, Seokjin would physically cringe at his speech. It was better when he was just gaping.

“Honey! Stop being so overdramatic, you’ve known me and you’ve known Jimin! For years! Stop acting like you seriously don’t know what happened, here!”

You don't stop, though, gliding down the stairs and hopping over the haphazardly tossed items in the living room as you exit out of the house.

And then you're gone. You're really gone, over something so fucking ridiculous, that Seokjin still has no words to say.

All he knows is that his girlfriend of five years has finally gone crazy enough to jump to conclusions of such high magnitude of stupidity.

And, that Park Jimin is a dead man.

It all begins on an unsuspecting Sunday morning, when the entire house is smelling of weed, stale booze and some worse fluids. 

Last night, Seokjin vacated his own bedroom for the boys to smoke up in at Jimin's request, because that is the only well ventilated room of the house. He spent the night in Yoongi's room with earplugs in, dead to all the chaos in the house—as he often does on party nights—to catch up on his beauty sleep. He cannot afford any unbecoming dark circles or, God forbid, breakouts.

And no, that's not a comedic moment, he really does need his face looking perfect this week for reasons outside of personal gratification too, because he has a shoot on Tuesday. He especially took a leave from his part-time job at the Mexican restaurant downtown where his girlfriend, you, work full-time, on a Tuesday—saying goodbye to all the amazing tips always forwarded to the cooks on Taco Tuesday—for this. Nothing would mess up his face.

Not to mention that one very important audition for a very gigantic project he's been looking forward to. They're yet to announce the date, but it would be this very month. He hasn't really told you much about it, planning a huge surprise for later when—if, actually, but he prefers to be unrealistically optimistic in every situation possible—he bags the coveted position, at the end. He hasn't really decided upon much, other than a long drive and a picnic date to one of those grasslands on the city's outskirts that you love so much. Oh, and bringing up the prospect of moving in together in an apartment with just the two of you. 

He's pretty certain you must not remember him raving about the opportunity, because it has been months since he did that. He then proceeded to be covert about all the mini auditions and trainings he underwent to prepare for the final audition, and he is confident you have not connected the dots.

But that is all a discussion for later — he doesn't even know when he would be auditioning. 

The crux of the whole matter is that he needs to keep looking as flawless as he can until that audition happens.

So he has slept like a baby, last night, while the rest of his friends have partied, including two out of three of his housemates—Hoseok and Jimin—along with Taehyung and Taehyung's girl. Namjoon had foregone attendance in lieu of the Halloween party, next weekend, that he knows he would definitely be forced to attend because Hoseok is hosting. Yoongi, his third and final housemate, escaped the house altogether to spend a night of music-making with Jungkook in his dorm.

So, in the morning, when Seokjin is moving around his kitchen that seems to have been hit by a tornado, checking the fridge and mentally praying that his baggie of smoothie ingredients is still in good shape—a scream echoes around the house.

Seokjin freezes. That sounded a lot like…you.

Immediately alert, he runs out of the kitchen and into the drawing room. Hoseok is hanging upside down on one of the couches, something that looks a lot like undigested white sauce pasta puddles on the ground, inches from his new, fiery red hair. Seokjin grimaces.

"Kim Seokjin!" your screech tears the silence.

Seokjin twists on his heels, looking up in the direction of his bedroom. It really is you. And you're in his bedroom—the room he did not occupy last night.

God only knows what kind of a scene you have walked in on. He hopes these idiots didn’t have an orgy up there, although he really can’t put it past them.

Not waiting another second, Seokjin rushes up the stairs and pushes through the doors to his bedroom. His mouth falls open on an audible gasp.

You stand next to his bed, dressed up elegantly in a navy dress that ends above your knees—which makes him wonder if you are here for an impromptu breakfast date—with one hand clutching his duvet that has uncovered what looks like…

…a head of long, dirty blonde hair.

Who the fuck?

In his bed?

"Hey, Honey!" Seokjin's voice is a squeak. "You… you here for a date?" he manages out of a suddenly parched throat.

You roll your eyes. "Uh huh. A fact you would've known if you looked at the texts I sent you last night." Your eyes are narrow at him. "This explains why you didn't, though. Busy night, Jin?" 

He balks at your words, at a loss. How could you even think it was him, when you know all about Park Jimin and his escapades?! 

Seokjin's blood boils. Fucking Jimin. There is going to be blood on Seokjin’s hands. 

In the midst of it, the blonde head shifts. 

Soon after, as you two watch, a pair of brown eyes with smudged makeup emerge from inside Seokjin's bed—and the audacity?! There’s makeup all over his covers! Jimin will pay for the dry cleaning. The face is followed by a whole, tiny woman of five-something feet who is, thankfully, covered in a shirt.

Seokjin is almost not breathing when the blonde starts to give him a dreamy smile, his gaze switching between her and you. And it’s extremely stupid, because he hasn’t seen this woman before, ever, in his entire life. But he catches the way your arms fall to your sides and those elegant, dainty fingers of yours ball up into fists as you look at the blondie’s face.

Fortunately, the girl recognises him at last before her grin could turn fully dopey, and with a squeak, jumps out of the bed. “You’re not—um. Hi. Sorry, I, uh. I’ll get going.”

And surprisingly, she does exactly that in less than a minute, leaving you to stare down at Seokjin.

“You know, it’s really unbecoming for a girlfriend to keep finding girls in her boyfriend’s bed every other week and not be given an explanation, ever.” Your tone is teasing, but your eyes are taunting. “You shouldn’t always be so dismissive, you know? What if I start getting ideas? I don’t think you even remember how to make up with your girlfriend, at this point, because I never fight.”

That is when Seokjin starts gawking. And literally doesn’t stop until you’ve left the house.

“I don’t get it,” Jackson says, stuffing cold noodles into his mouth and chewing on them without closing it. “Do you think he cheated on you, or do you not think he cheated on you?”

You look at your best friend with your face twisted up in disgust. You swear to God you would never have agreed to make friends with this guy on your mother’s insistence when the Wang family moved in next doors to you, had you known he’d turn out to be such a barbarian a decade later. Twelve-year-old Jackson had been such a decent kid—studious, elegant, well-mannered. What went wrong, along the way?

You exhale, shifting on your chair, very wary of any dried up fluids that you might come in contact with. “I know he did not cheat on me, Jax, the very notion is completely ridiculous.”

Jackson stops chewing and looks away from the WWE match playing on the TV to squint at you. “I’m…confused? Wait. What is the problem, then? What are you mad at him for?”

To be completely honest, you aren’t quite certain yourself.

But you do know that you don’t feel good. And that this feeling has been building up over a couple months, but you have only really acknowledged it head-on, today, in all five-something years of your relationship. Five years, seven months and eight days, to be exact, but that’s kinda besides the point.

You’ve had at least a few months’ worth of buildup that has gotten you to this point, you would admit. Especially after Seokjin had to cancel that visit to your hometown at the end of June, for your parents’ thirty-fifth wedding anniversary celebration because he had an important audition for a big-brand ad film. The cancellation was acceptable, but his offhand comment that, “thirty-five isn’t even that special, we’ll get them a huge gift for their fiftieth,” stayed with you longer than it should’ve. Things got okay-ish when you reminded yourself how Seokjin never really thought too hard about things he said, always being a humorous, unattached clown in every situation. But this morning's dismissal has pushed you over that edge. You straightaway goaded him, claiming he doesn’t remember how to make it up to you, and all you got in response was his shock and being called “ridiculous” and “overdramatic.” Fun.

You were most certainly joking, if a bit caustically, when you said what you did. He could have taken it as a joke and laughed it off. He could have taken it as a threat and comforted you, said it was Jimin that used his room, and maybe kissed you. You already knew what had happened when you saw the girl, anyway. But this was probably the third time this situation had happened, this month. 

Sure, you are understanding and really do know Jimin and what all he gets up to, but is that really supposed to be such a given? Asking your boyfriend to hug you close and kiss your forehead when you discover a girl in his bed just as you were about to cuddle the lump of sheets thinking it was him, is not too much to expect, is it?

Granted, Seokjin has never been extremely expressive, but still. It feels like he’s consciously trying to keep you at a distance, these past few months.

You don’t have the complete grasp of the storm of thoughts in your head yet, but you want to try and explain it to Jackson the best you can. 

“It was about respect, in a way, I guess,” you quietly mumble, and Jackson turns the TV off, now sitting cross legged on the couch to face your chair. He puts away his takeout container to frown at you, probably gleaning how serious this is for you. “He stood there, without saying a single word, expecting me to stop being mad. Almost willing me to stop being mad by making these big, incredulous eyes at me. Like it was that horrible of his girlfriend to demand for an explanation when she found a girl in his bedroom. It was just the two of us, I wasn’t making a scene in front of anybody. He just—ugh! He could’ve simply asked me to not be mad, said it was Jimin who spent the night in the room and maybe even laughed about it, or plotted Jimin’s murder—I would’ve joined in—but no. He acted like I was being stupid, told me not be ridiculous and dramatic. And that made me feel really stupid.”

Jackson winces. “And why do you think you were not being stupid?”

You exhale. “I wasn’t. Because I wasn’t actually accusing him of anything, and five years down the lane, he should know that now. I just wanted him to say it and not scold me when I tease-taunted him. He always expects me to know everything. And even though I always do, it gets tiring sometimes. These weird thoughts get to you — that maybe you’re being too understanding and he’s using that to his advantage, you know?” You look down at your lap, playing with your nails. “It’s just…um. I wanted him to coddle me, I guess. To treat this as something big because I was throwing a tantrum about it and, just, I don’t know—try to cajole me? Assuage me with his words, maybe? But he didn’t. Because he hasn’t done that in forever. Because I never need him to, because I always freaking understand everything!” A sob leaves you.

Jackson pats the place next to him. “C’mere, you dumdum, and stop hyperventilating,” he mumbles, hugging you to his side when you move to sit on the couch. “I don’t exactly understand how the relationship dynamics work, but from what you told me, I get that you wanted attention? Some loving? And instead you got disappointed looks because Jin expected you to be mature and rational about it — the way you always are — and that too with his fucking eyes and some low-key insult words? Is it something like that?”

Wow, Jackson really paraphrased all that amazingly. “Yes, actually. It’s exactly that.”

Jackson sighs. “Y’all have been together a long time, babe, so I guess it’s kind of a given that you’d get to a no-bullshit point. Which is why he hasn’t done that in forever, because y’all probably don’t need that kinda stuff between you anymore.”

“I get that, it’s how a relationship matures. But I’m pretty certain that it’s not supposed to make me feel like this,” you sound slightly muffled, having stuffed your face into Jackson’s hoodie-covered chest. “I feel—I feel like we got too comfortable and now he’s just started to take me for granted. And I also feel like I’m being too needy. Am I being needy and annoying? He’d hate me if I told him all this, won’t he? Half of the reason we’ve worked out so well is because we’re both career oriented and don’t waste time overthinking stupid shit.” You gasp. “Oh, no—would he leave me? He’s used to his girlfriend being mature, not needy—”

You are cut off when Jackson pulls you away by your shoulders, giving you a serious look. “Wait, wait, stop. What did you say? Not the needy part, you’re allowed to be needy once in all the damn three-sixty-five days y’all stay busy for. The…taking you for granted part. Pretty big of a thing to say, babe.”

You sigh. “We haven’t been on an actual date in months. Seokjin thinks there’s no need for that extra effort when we spend lunch breaks at work together, everyday. Outside of the restaurant, our meetings involve our entire flock of friends by default. It’s been three months since we slept together.” You sniff, hating having to impart such a private detail of your life. “So no, I don’t think it’s that big of a thing to say, at all.”

“Wow.” Jackson gives a slow whistle. “You’ve really been bottling up a lot in there, huh?”

You shrug. “I guess. It never made me feel underappreciated, though. Sure, I was irritated at some occasions and disappointed at others, but… Today I feel horrible, Jax.”

“Did you share anything with Byulyi?” he asks, referring to your flatmate and good friend since college.

You shake your head. “She already has a lot on her plate, right now. She got rejected by the photographer she wanted to intern with, so it’s back to freelancing for her.”

“Yeah, that must suck.” Jackson grimaces. Then he looks at you. “You need to take a break, hun. Sit back, today, and have tacos and beer with me. Reset your inner thoughts. Talk to Jin tomorrow. Although, I must say, it’s kinda depressing that you have to actually tell your boyfriend that he’s being a bad boyfriend. Isn’t that kind of shit supposed to be realized on your own?”

You purse your lips. “I guess, yeah. But…don’t say that he’s being a bad boyfriend, Jax. I don’t think he even realizes something is wrong.”

“And that…doesn’t make it worse?” At your raised eyebrows, he concedes with a roll of his eyes. “Fine, fine, in any case — maybe try to hint at it before you dive straight in with the kill? See if he reacts?”

“I don’t know, Jax. What if he doesn’t? He’s really not the best at taking hints and reading signs, or that kind of subtle stuff.”

“Then you can just say your shit. All I’m saying is, give him a chance to figure it out on his own. He’s probably really clueless why you reacted so big on something so small, this morning. If you drop hints, maybe he’ll feel it out.”

You nod, somewhat amazed at how sound Jackson’s advice seems. “How are you doing this, Jax? Being a love guru all of a sudden?”

Jackson scoffs. “I’m just tryna put myself in Seokjin’s shoes. If I was in the situation he’s in, this is what I’d like to happen — be given a window to figure out what’s wrong. You’ve been together a long time, hun. It really shouldn’t be that difficult for him.”

You shrug a shoulder. “I won’t be too sure about that. Why does it even matter if he can or cannot, though?”

Jackson seems to be mulling over something before he drops his chin to his chest. “Because you’re supposed to be partners, hun. If you can tell what’s up with him with a single glance, why can't he? Not being good at taking signs is not a good enough excuse. My gut says that he’d be able to, though. And that knowledge will make you feel infinitely better, trust me. It’ll be reassuring to learn that he really knows and understands you well, won’t it?”

You nod, slowly, but you still have your suspicions. Seokjin has just been the kind of guy whose emotional depth goes to a certain extent and then just — well, stops. There are things that he feels and realizes and sees, and there are things that he doesn’t. It isn’t even something he does, you believe. It’s just how he is. Certain feelings just don’t fall in his orbit. And you’ve never found there to be anything wrong with it when he’s been an immaculately amazing boyfriend and tended to every single one of your needs, always. Well, you have never actually needed emotional consoling, too, so you haven’t had the chance to audition him for that. You keep yourself too busy for all that unnecessary mental pressure. It comes as a surprise, but you have never cried on Seokjin’s shoulder in all these years of your togetherness. You’ve kept your head straight and chin up, even during your college exams. And so has Seokjin, because you’ve never seen him cry, either.

Lately, though, things have been kind of weird. The gradual transformation into your professional lives that began after college, has been drastic in the past few months. Seokjin has been constantly prioritizing his career over you, and you have been understanding about it because you agree with it — to an extent. Seokjin believes it all the way through, though, and you have known for a while that you would hit your limit at some point, and would try to bring him back to yourself. Today morning, it seems, you hit that limit. 

You felt dispensable. 

You hate this feeling.

To be very honest, you know you can get over this. You can give it some time, remind yourself of how much your Jin loves you, believe that he is eventually going to come back to you once he settles, and be understanding about the entire thing. 

You can — but you really don’t want to.

Something tells you that this feeling of getting too comfortable will only fester and take a worse form as time goes by. You can wait it out, sure, and hope you aren’t being a pushover as he works on building his career. You are building your career, too, after all, and at least some of it has been for each other. 

The thing is, your plans with Seokjin are long-term—marriage, kids, white-picket fence, and all that. And you believe that if you are sensing a problem now, you better deal with it now before it has the chance to change its form and affect you both when you are at a more responsible point in your life.

Mind made up, you look up at Jackson, immediately grimacing when he forwards a greasy hand to pick up a taco for you. “I don’t…I don’t like tacos. And may I exchange the beer for scotch?”

“You work at a Mexican restaurant, and you don’t like tacos,” Jackson deadpans.

“They mess up my skincare.”

“Oh, fuck off! Have a spinach smoothie with a drink, why don’t you?”

You purse your lips to hold back your laughter at his ire, your own worries forgotten in the moment as Jackson gets up to get you a glass of scotch and some healthier snacking alternative.

“You're a dead man.”

Jimin stops dead in his tracks, arms frozen in the act of putting a t-shirt on. He blinks at Seokjin with big round eyes. “Hyung?” he mumbles, a picture of unblemished innocence, especially when he covers his toned torso with the oversized t-shirt he was in the process of getting into. “What—what’d I do?”

Someone who doesn’t know better would never believe that this young, innocent, frazzled haired fairy-boy could ever do any wrong. But Seokjin knows better. “You chaotic womanizer,” Seokjin nearly hisses, "you've gotta learn to clean after yourself. Honey found a girl in my bed. A girl—in my bed.”

Jimin had the decency to drop the innocent act. “Oh. Oh.”

Seokjin raises a brow. “Oh? That’s it?”

"Yeah, well, I clarified to her that it was a one time thing when we got to it. She was obviously expecting something more if she didn't leave when I told her to. Disappointed but not surprised." Jimin is frowning when he comes to sit down on the couch next to Seokjin. “Sorry you two had to see that. You clarified to Honey noona that I’d been the occupant of the room, though, right?” 

“I—what?” Seokjin scoffs. “Why would I even need to do that? She knows that already, obviously. She’s been seeing you for over five years, or have you forgotten?”

Jimin squints. “I mean…okay, fair point, I guess. Why’re you so worked up, then? Did something else happen, too? Where’s she, now?” Jimin looks around the living room as if looking for you.

Seokjin sighs. “Well, I couldn't really get much out before she was storming out of the damn house, altogether.”

Jimin blinks. “Storming out? Why? She… um, was she mad?"

Seokjin opens his mouth – and then shuts it. Was she mad, indeed. "I don't know. She looked kinda mad, yes. But maybe she was in a hurry?" 

"Why would she be mad? Did you try to call her? Text her? It's unlike her to react so big on something so small." Jimin bites down on his lip, looking lost in thought. 

Seokjin shakes his head. "She didn't pick up or text back."

“There’s definitely got to be an underlying reason for her being like this. Are you sure you guys haven’t been fighting, hyung?” 

Seokjin sighs. “Yes, Jimin, I’m absolutely certain that there hasn’t been any fighting of any sorts between the two of us before today.” He pauses. “Well, she was slightly irritated that I didn’t check her texts last night, but she knows I go to bed at eleven on days leading up to a shoot, so that one’s on her.”

Jimin looks genuinely concerned, which, in turn, makes Seokjin concerned. Jimin isn't the type to stress over stuff if he can help it. Sure, he cares about the boys and would always be down to do whatever he can for them, but his throwing-caution-to-the-wind way of life causes him to not take most of the things in life seriously.

You’ve been like an older sister to the boys ever since Seokjin started dating you and introduced you to them. They all have their ways of showing their respect and affection to you. Well, maybe not Jungkook because he can’t get over getting unnecessarily intimidated by Seokjin enough to relax around you. 

Jimin, especially, always seems to be affected by any tension in Seokjin’s relationship. Everyone can see how it upsets his entire life when you two are fighting, although he’d never admit to it. He doesn’t need to, because it’s pretty obvious when he becomes a cranky six-year-old who hates the world. 

Right now, he has a guilty frown on his face. "I should've seen to it that Suzette left before I went to shower," he mumbles as if talking to himself. “Shouldn’t have trusted her to leave just because I told her to.” He looks up at Seokjin with troubled eyes. "I'm sorry, hyung."

Seokjin can not believe himself when he shakes his head at Jimin's apology—this little demon causes so much chaos in all their lives that any apology coming from him should be justified and welcome. But this one isn't really on him. "It's not entirely your fault."

Jimin's demeanor changes a bit and the attitude Seokjin is used to witnessing makes an appearance. "Right? That's what I was thinking, too!" Jimin exclaims, some of the concern on his face lifting. "You have to talk to Honey noona and make things right, though, hyung. She’s the only womanly touch in our man cave. We’d all be barbarians without her.” Jimin looks very wary and kind of nervous.

“It’s funny you would crave her ‘womanly’ presence when she’s rushed off because of a woman that you brought home.” Seokjin scrunches his nose. "And I said it isn't entirely on you, because it is partially on you, Park Jimin. You borrowed my room to smoke up in. Why couldn't you take your Suzy back to your own room?"

"Suzette," Jimin corrects under his breath while shaking his head. "Yeah, I should've, but… your room just felt like a better choice during the high," he finishes in a mumble, dragging a hand down his face. “Hyung,” Jimin says with a pout on his lips, “the last time you two fought was two years ago, remember? On your birthday? When Hobi hyung dumped cake in noona’s hair and she had her first shoot for that bigshot magazine, the next day?”

Seokjin nods with a sigh. “She yelled at me for having stupid friends, and I yelled at her for caring more about the shoot that having a good time on my birthday. Yes, I remember.”

“And then she didn’t visit us for a whole week. Please don’t let that happen, again.” Jimin looks up at Seokjin with big, round eyes. “I can’t take that kind of unrest in my life."

Seokjin briefly wonders, if Jimin’s nightly conquests were to see this side of him, would they run in the opposite direction or be more attracted to him? Jimin definitely needs someone in his life that would bring out this side in him and stay to provide him the emotional comfort he requires when he gets like this. 

“I will try not to, Jiminie, but…” Seokjin shuts his eyes. “I seriously do not understand her actions from the morning,” he finishes in a mumble.

“Maybe she’s—maybe she’s worried about something else? Some other aspect of her life?” Jimin suggests with wide eyes. “And she’s just projecting onto you.”

“As sound as the explanation is, I am literally involved in ninety percent of the aspects in her life,” Seokjin says with a twist to his lips. “I would know if something was wrong anywhere.”

“That’s cocky of you to say,” Jimin snarkily comments with narrowed eyes. At Seokjin’s raised eyebrows, he amends, “That’s cocky of you to say, hyung-nim.”

Seokjin scoffs, but then he shrugs his shoulders. “It’s true. We work at the same restaurant, we’re scouted by the same agency. Even her agent is best friends with mine—she gossips a ton about how Honey passes up so many opportunities and pisses her agent off. Her friends are, well—” Seokjin stops short when it hits him. “Wang. Wang could know something!”

Jimin is looking at him skeptically when Seokjin meets the younger’s eyes. “I just think you should have a simple talk with noona first before digging around.”

That is sensible advice. Seokjin nods as he pulls his phone out.

“Just find out what’s been troubling her, hyung. You two are rational people, I’m sure you’ll work it out.” Jimin pauses to scratch the back of his head. “Just please don’t let this be another fight like that one?”

“Don’t worry,” Seokjin finally says with a pat on Jimin’s shoulder as he finishes sending off another text to you, “this one is nothing like that fight.”

Turns out, this fight really is not like that one. Or any other fights Seokjin has ever had with you, in fact, because you’re giving him the silent treatment. 

You’ve never given him the silent treatment. 

Not even when you were students and didn’t have a load of time on your hands and used to waste precious sleep hours arguing over stupid shit that would probably resolve itself if you just slept on it and looked back at it with a fresh state of mind. Not even then did you forego talking.

Needless to say, Seokjin is distressed.

You drive to the house to pick him up at your usual time, the next morning, after not having responded to any of his calls or texts for the entire day. Seokjin is aghast as he gets into the car.

“Honey! What is going on? Why didn’t you—where have you been?”

You simply start the engine and take off. “Busy,” you murmur after a while.

Soekjin’s head is close to exploding. “Busy? Doing what?”

Your face remains stoic as you weave through the morning traffic. Seokjin looks at you. You’re dressed up in your waitressing outfit that consists of a shirt, skirt and tights, and being who you are, Seokjin can proudly say that you would stand out to be the most well dressed server in the field. You’re always pristine and tidy — no accidents happen to you at the job ever. No spillage of drinks or ketchups, no soiled hands being wiped down on your skirt. Nothing even ruins your manicure. 

It is something that Seokjin has always tried to keep up with, this cleanliness streak of yours. Because he has always assumed you would expect it out of him, too. You were attracted to the cover model version of him, after all. It is quite natural that you would have those kinds of expectations. And Seokjin has always been more than happy to deliver. It has become a part of him, in fact. He doesn't even chew with his mouth open even when he's among the boys, anymore.

It has, somewhat, made him practical and less emotional in life, too, but he doesn't really think of it as a bad thing. You have always been practical in life – the most ambitious girl he has ever met, someone that has always prioritized her career and goals over everything else. Seokjin has admired that since college, and has tried to show you that he has similar priorities even if he has had to work on thinking from his mind more than his heart.

But when you are already by his side, what does he even need his heart for, anymore, when it's already yours?

Now, looking at you sitting with a morose expression on your face as you give him the cold shoulder, Seokjin is just as much in love with you as he was when he first met you.

“Stuff,” you say with a shrug, after some extended silence. “You should know about that, right? Your schedule’s always busier than mine and I never complain.”

Your sharp words have him reeling. Whatever do you even mean by that? “Uhm, okay. Fair enough. But… did you really not have the time to respond to a single text?”

“It gets impossible sometimes, Jin, you know how it is.”

Seokjin frowns. He does know that, but he doesn’t feel okay. Something is very off with you. It is as if you’re saying something else and expecting him to discern a different meaning out of it. 

He doesn’t understand why, though. You, of all people, should know how terrible he is at decoding signs.

He sighs.

Seokjin, after his conversation with Jimin yesterday, had decided to ask you about the morning’s incident, head on, whenever you called him back. But you didn’t, and this is the first opportunity he’s had to talk to you, so he decides to bring it up, now. “What—what happened yesterday morning, babe? You got really mad and stormed off, and… I mean, you’ve got to know the girl had been Jimin’s companion for the night, right? You know him, how he is!”

You say nothing, hands tightening a bit on the steering wheel. Seokjin looks down at his own hands.

“You know I was only surprised at your words because we really do not have the time to be discussing silly things." He shuts his heart down when it tries to tell him to go soft. He knows it isn't something you would appreciate. "After five years, you know what I’m capable of right? You can never start getting ideas, because that would be insane and stupid. I’m already so supremely occupied as it is between two jobs, when would I even have the time to cheat, right?” he jokes, snorting to himself.

You’re still quiet, but your tongue comes out to moisten your lips. It is a nervous tick of yours which Seokjin recognizes very well, because with your skincare and scheduled regular application of lip balms, your lips never need the extra moisture.

He frowns. Was he too straightforward? But this is exactly how you communicate with him! “Hey, is everything okay, babe?”

You exhale, noisily. “Everything’s fine, Jin,” you finally say with a roll of your eyes. “And you’re right. I know you wouldn’t cheat. You don’t have the time to chat me up, how are you gonna pick someone new to impress, huh?” 

Your snort sounds lacking in humor, but Seokjin still gives a couple of stilted chuckles. Even so, he's still somewhat relieved. “Right. Just so we’re certain, that was a joke, right? I mean, it would be really ridiculous of you to think that I would—”

“Yes, Jin!” you cut him off with a deep frown. “If I wanted to talk to you about something, or accuse you, or confront you — I’d do that without you having to prompt me. Stop obsessing over yesterday and stop trying to explain yourself. I know it was Jimin’s doing.”

Seokjin feels immensely relaxed at the conviction with which you say the last sentence, certainly, but something is still off. “Why were you ignoring me, then?”

“I just didn’t have anything to say to you.” You stop at a red light, the last one before you reach the restaurant, and turn to look at Seokjin with really vacant eyes. He doesn’t like your stare one bit. “We’ve been together five years, babe. If neither of us have got anything of significance to say, I’d rather not text too much, if that’s okay with you? I’ve got a busy schedule to work around, too, you know?”

Seokjin wants to remind you that both of you had something of significance to say after you left his place in anger, but chooses to just roll with whatever you’re playing at. Maybe he's thinking too much. He nods. “Sounds alright to me.”

“Great,” you breathe out, somehow looking disappointed along with the preexisting sorrowful expression you had on your face.

You really do not have a concrete explanation for why you acted the way you did with Seokjin, this morning. 

You were supposed to hint at being mad, not blatantly try to give him a taste of his own medicine. It could turn out to be a good thing if he eventually starts to miss you and reaches out, sure, but playing mind games never feels right to you. But when he started to joke about not having time to cheat, and something just turned off in you. He really could’ve seriously reassured you of his love. That would’ve been actually comforting. But no. He chose to joke about that, too. You didn’t feel like putting in all that energy anymore, after that.

Now, you sit down in the break room to check your phone during your ten minutes’ rest break. A text message floats at the top of your notifications.

Jax 🚽 Hey How’d it go?

With an exhale, you decide to call him back. Your fingers are too tired to type, and Jackson is sure to launch off into a rampage of texts the moment you tell him you’ve tried to turn the tables on Seokjin.

Seokjin is in the kitchen, his usual rest break not being for another hour, so you don’t have to worry about him walking in.

“Hey!” Jackson jovially greets you as soon as he picks the phone. “Did you get my text?”

“I did, yes,” you respond in a calm voice. “I’ve been looping milkshake mugs through my fingers since eight am, they needed some rest, so I decided to call.”

“Yeah, no, it’s cool. I was in a really boring class, anyway. So. How'd it go?"

You pull in your lip between your teeth. "I… I kinda ended up telling him I am a busy person too and that we shouldn’t text that much."

You hear silence instead of the outburst you'd expected. 

"Jax?"

"Are you actually gonna try to play a mind game with the dumbest human being you know on earth?" Jackson so very eloquently asks, his interpretation making you pinch the bridge of your nose. “He’s never even gonna figure it out!”

“I know how it sounds, okay?” You exhale. “I honestly don’t know what came over me.”

“Okay, alright, one thing at a time. So, no coddling?"

"Not a single soft word. Just more expectations of me understanding, and claiming that anything but that would be stupid of me. He acts like I'm supposed to know everything about him and everyone in his group of friends," you mutter in irritation. “As if those dumbasses know the first thing about themselves.”

You realize you're being a bit harsh, because his friends – basically your younger brothers, at this point – are a bunch of clueless idiots that love, adore and respect you. You shouldn't be badmouthing them, Seokjin’s growing callousness towards you isn't their doing. It's his own. 

You sigh. You really miss how things used to be when you were in college.

“Uh, I think we need to rewind a bit. What happened? What triggered this?”

It makes you smile a little when Jackson asks that. At least your best knows you’re not wholly clinically insane. “Well… I drove him to work. He…" your brows lower at the recollection, "he was the first to bring up yesterday morning. And yet again, he gave me the same you've got to know this and that crap, and then he tried to assure me in the dumbest possible way. Do you know what he said, Jax, do you?”

“Um, do I wanna know?”

“He said, and I quote, he doesn’t have the time to cheat. Jackson Wang, are you hearing this? He really straight up said he was too busy to cheat on me and so I should rest assured! Who says that?!”

“He must’ve meant it as a joke—”

“Yeah, he said that, too, and then very immaculately added that it’d be ridiculous of me to think otherwise. I have lost count of how many times the words ridiculous and stupid came up.”

“Goddammit.”

“Goddammit is right,” you mumble, morosely resting your head on your palm.

“What did he say, by the way? When you told him to text less?”

You give a wry chuckle. "Well, he said it sounded alright to him."

"Son of a bitch. You – you two are messed up, man. Messed up bad. Why the hell can you not just say shit you really mean and actually want to instead of saying shit you don't? You don't wanna text less because you're busy, you want him to dote on you because you miss him!" Jackson sounds beyond frustrated. "And it doesn't fucking sound alright to him! It sounds scary, it sounds confusing, it sounds like something you would never say to him!" He groans. "But none of you would say that shit to each other! You’re choosing to be evasive and fucking plastic instead of honest, and falling deeper into your mess."

You reel from the onslaught of his harsh words, eyes widened and breath stuttering. Jackson isn't usually the type to pay so much attention to your relationship problems. But this time, you guess, he has garnered the depth of your unhappiness and thus has gotten so involved.

You realize he is right. Nothing good can come out of any turned tables, because Seokjin is, anyways, not even going to be able to work out the problem by himself. He may even go around talking to his friends about how you were being cold with him and not giving him any time, and still not realize he has been doing the same to you. He is thick like that. 

When his friends tell you tales of his compassion, you're unable to relate. You've never seen that side of him. He has probably grown up from that emotionally overwhelmed high school graduate who had made friends on a whim, the night of his graduation.

You certainly don't appreciate the emotional abstinence, though, and would very much rather prefer if he would open up a bit more. It would help you be more open with him, without fearing him calling you "stupid" in response.

But it’s still alright, you accept him with that thick brain of his, because he’s still only ever going to be the only one for you.

"How are you two gonna get around to having a proper chat if you just keep building more walls between you both?" Jackson asks after the long pause from your end, this time softer. “I’m sorry, babe, I was wrong. Giving him signs and making him realize shit won’t work. It was stupid of me to suggest that. It’s probably why you ended up being so caustic with him.

“No, no, it was all me, Jax. I could’ve chosen to not listen to you, but my ego got in the way, I guess. It’s not exactly easy, telling your boyfriend you’re feeling neglected. I mean, what if he laughs in my face and tells me I’m being paranoid? What if he thinks I have no regard for his career — or mine — because my priorities don’t align with his?” You bite your lip, shutting your eyes as your insecurities attack you.

“Hey, no. None of that is gonna happen if you really share with him what you’ve been feeling. No hints, no sarcasm, you’re gonna have to tell him point blank. Allow yourself to be raw. He’s the love of your life. You don’t have to protect yourself from him, right?”

You sigh. “Yeah, I know. You’re absolutely right, Jax. But I really have no idea how to even approach him, at this point. He’s either too busy with shoots, or with the guys, or some meeting. I cannot do this on call, because that always leads to misunderstandings.” You bite down on your lower lip, contemplating. “But I’ll figure something out.”

"Yes, you will. You always do. So, that’s good then. In the meanwhile, can you at least clean up this latest pile of poop? The talking less thingy is gonna make you two more distant, hun."

You scrunch your nose at his metaphor, but then your shoulders slump. "I don't know, Jackson. The way he so impassively agreed to it would make me sound really stupid if I take it back. And given what he keeps saying, he really doesn’t want me to sound stupid."

Jackson gives a snort at that. “Hah, funny. But listen. At the end of the day, he’s your boyfriend. You're gonna have to really decide if you're trying to get your boyfriend to give you more love, or if you're fighting a battle of egos and would like to bend him to you."

You bite your lip. “You make me sound manipulative.”

“You yourself confessed you let your ego come into this, one time. Don’t let that happen again. I’m trying to make you realize that complicated problems can have simple solutions, too. If only you’d communicate. Just talk to him soon, please, and make him understand why you’re hurt. Don’t carry on with this stupid cold war, okay? You gotta figure out exactly what you want, first.”

“You know what I want, Jax. You’re literally the only person that does, actually,” you remind him with a sigh.

“Oh, he is, isn’t he?”

You freeze, eyes bulging at the familiar voice. “I’ll… I’ll call you back,” you mumble before you disconnect the call and turn to look over your shoulder at Seokjin’s unreadable face. He stands with his arms crossed, still in his uniform but without the apron. “Jin… what—uh…”

“What am I doing here?” he scoffs, lips curling in distaste as he stares you down. “Well, I was going to the loo when I saw you sitting here. You looked upset, so I thought I’d check in on you on my way back.” He clicks his tongue, a dry chuckle tumbling out. “But apparently, you’ve got other people doing it for you, already.”

You wince, shutting your eyes. The one time he was finally going to give you some much needed attention — you sent a bad message his way. 

“So. Good to know there actually is someone who knows what you want. Would’ve been easier if it were me, though, given how I stand to be the one that is to deliver.” Seokjin sounds pissed off, and despite your irritation, you really want to make him understand.

You rub at your forehead. “Stop talking like that, Jin, it was just Jackson.”

“Wang?” He seems to seethe more, for some reason. “Of course, it’s fucking Wang!”

You frown, standing up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Seokjin looks at you incredulously. “You—do you not see how this looks? You have problems with me, Honey, but you choose to discuss them with him? Who’s he, your therapist?”

“He’s my best friend, Jin, someone I trust,” you grit out.

Seokjin seems to take it the wrong way, his agitated expressions slowly fading into a blank stare. “Oh. You trust him, as opposed to…” He trails off with a shrug, but the implication is as obvious as it can be.

“Jin—”

He raises a hand up, palm facing you as he looks away. “If you need some time apart, you should tell me in plain words. You know I’m not good at reading signs.”

Seokjin gives you a blank stare before turning around to leave the area. You stand rooted to your place, jaw dropped and eyes wide.

Some time apart? Has he lost his mind? 

He really is a huge freaking idiot who cannot pause to think what implications his words have. He seriously doesn’t recognize what all his “don’t be ridiculous/overdramatic/stupid” speeches do to you. You realize you should really make him understand. This has gone on for way too long.

But maybe you should take some time to yourself to cool off before that. You don’t want to say the wrong thing in your rage and complicate things further.

You sigh to yourself as you slump back into the bench you were sat on before.

You’d set out to tell your boyfriend you were feeling neglected, but you ended up making him think you want to be apart. How the heck did you get here?

You belatedly recall Jackson's words.

Why the hell can you not just say shit you really mean and actually want to instead of saying shit you don't?

You’re choosing to be evasive and fucking plastic instead of honest, and falling deeper into your mess.

Your usually dumbheaded best friend was right on this one, you realize. You should’ve just talked like a normal human being instead of letting Seokjin’s words get to you and get pissy in retaliation.

You give a weary sigh. 

Seokjin is grateful for the sudden busyness he’s got on his schedule, or he would explode from all the pent up frustration you have been causing him. 

He realized he wasn’t as upset with you as he was irritated, right after he walked away from you on Monday. He dropped you a text with some excuse of needing to stay back so that he wasn’t forced to ride with you in the car again, and later took the bus home. 

You had told Jackson Wang about what was troubling you, but not him. It made Seokjin feel upset, incompetent and more than a little insecure. Seokjin absolutely hates feeling insecure. Especially about you. You’re the singular most precious entity in his life — not that you are an entity, per se — and anything that seeks to threaten your position in his life or his position in yours, makes him lose his shit.

So it was understandable that he jumped to unfairly disproportionate magnitudes of conclusions that day. When he thought about it, later, he could easily tell that you are just mad at him and not actually contemplating leaving him, not even for a little while. Not that he’d just sit back and have you do that so easily.

Seokjin also hates overthinking, but that is all he did for the entirety of his Monday. 

Monday, though, was the last time he had time to overthink. Life got exponentially busier after that.

Immediately after his shoot on Tuesday, he received his agent’s call and was informed of his jam packed schedule for the remainder of the week. He was pulled into two separate magazine ad shoots on Wednesday, a perfume ad film drank up all of his Thursday, and today, a hair product ad film needed him to report to a sunrise point in the city at the ass-crack of dawn. The sky was still dark when he rode across the city with his agent at nearly four in the morning. 

And now, the afternoon sun beats down on his car as he drives back alone, his agent staying back to tend to some business. Stopping at a red light, he reaches for his spinach smoothie with one hand and his phone with the other. Ugh, he feels beyond tired.

Blearily, he looks down at the device around a yawn, fingers habitually reaching for your chat.

He took a week off from the restaurant and dropped you a text, late Tuesday evening, informing you of the same.

Honey✨❤👸 Hm, kay. Good luck x

Unsurprisingly, that stands to be your last message in his inbox. It’s been four days.

Sighing, he swipes a hand down his tired face and exits out of the message app. He went to bed at nine o’clock, last night, and owing to the way he has trained his body to sleep on command, he did manage to get a sleep of nearly six hours, too. But it was fitful and plagued with nightmares featuring you. 

Knowing he doesn't have to be at the restaurant until Monday and that his next gig isn’t until Wednesday, he cannot wait to get back home and drink his weight in alcohol before he sleeps his way through the weekend.

Just as he has moved past the intersection, his phone rings. 

Honey✨❤👸 calling...

He nearly spits the smoothie he just sipped at.

Coughing, he roughly jostles the plastic cup back in the holder and pulls up to a side of the road to pick up the call. “Hey,” he breathes into the phone, embarrassed at his desperation.

“Jin. Um, hi.” You sound awkward, as if you…have been compelled to call him due to some reason.

He is immediately worried. “Honey? Is everything okay, do you need something?”

He hates himself for being so concerned when you have been neglecting him for so many days – yet again, despite your spat at the restaurant – instead of finally talking to him about what’s bothering you, but he can’t help it. At the end of the day, you are the love of his life. 

“Yes, yes, I’m okay. It’s just, um. Can you pick me up from the restaurant?” you sound nervous.

But, Seokjin realizes, I was right. You do need something. He clears his throat. “Uh, okay, I guess,” he agrees before stopping short when he realizes the time. “Wait, it’s barely even two. Why are you leaving?” he asks, confused and a little concerned. You work your shift till five every day and till eight on weekends.

“Tomorrow is Halloween, Jin. We’re closing for the weekend, remember?”

Seokjin’s mouth falls open on a gasp. He really had forgotten. “Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah, I’ll be there in five, wait up.”

He swerves the car into the lane and takes off in the direction of the restaurant. 

He laughs at himself. He has been so caught up in work that he literally forgot Halloween. He wonders if this is what actual adulting is.

He is stopping before the restaurant within three minutes of your phone call, eyes immediately spotting your delicate figure standing on the sidewalk with your hands crossed against your chest.

You step down from the curb when you spot his car, and walk towards him. He watches your elegant legs as they beautifully fall in a straight line. Even when exiting your job as a waitress, you’re every bit the elegant model he met in college. Your hips sway tantalizingly, and something akin to longing swirls in his chest.

He composes himself quickly when you cross the car to get into the passenger’s seat. You awkwardly clear your throat as Seokjin busies himself with starting the vehicle, unsure if he should initiate conversation.

“Um, sorry about this. You were probably getting ready for shoot,” you finally say. “Byulyi dropped me off today. She wasn’t picking her phone up. I was trying to get a cab for half an hour. And the bus stop’s really far—”

“Hey, stop. It’s okay. You should’ve called me sooner.” Seokjin catches your apprehensive gaze on his oversized hoodie when he chances a glance at you. He sighs. “I was returning home from shoot, actually.”

He feels you stiffen, and he feels even more mentally drained at this. You used to be updated with his schedule to the tee — just short of having an actual copy of the calendar his agent carries on him. And the same goes for him with your schedule. This feels so wrong.

You are quiet for a while, your hands fidgeting in his peripheral vision.

“How—how was it?” you finally say, voice coming out like a croak.

Seokjin shrugs his shoulders. “The usual. Blinding, tiring, exhaustive. I did okay, I guess.”

He feels your gaze snap up to drill holes into his skull. Your eyes are wide when he checks. “Okay? Since when do you do anything less than amazing at shoots, babe?”

He feels endeared at your casual use of a pet name. “I had to get up at three in the morning and go through a skincare routine. Then drive across the entire city to get to the location, because they wanted to capture actual sunrise. I was more tired than excited by the time they rolled cameras, so.” He shrugs. “Can’t really say I gave my best today.”

You nod at his admission. 

Seokjin almost jumps when his phone rings, again.

Jiminie calling...

He feels you shift in your seat. His mouth sours at the reminder of that Sue girl that started off this entire tussle between you and him. Fucking Jimin and his conquests. What happened to the shy and more than a little glum looking freshman he let into his living space, three years ago?

Your hand suddenly reaches forth to accept the call, putting it on loudspeaker, immediately. Seokjin gapes at you, momentarily looking away from the road. 

“Uh…hyung?” Jimin’s confused voice echoes in the car. 

Seokjin snaps out of his daze when you gesture towards the device. “Wh—Jimin, hi, what’s — what’s up?” he stumbles his way through a haphazard greeting.

“Hyung, I needed a favor. Are you on your way back from the shoot, right now?” Jimin asks, and Seokjin sees you freeze in your seat.

He feels a perverse sense of satisfaction. Yes, take that! Park Jmin knows of my schedule better than you do! This is what you get for ghosting me! “I was, yeah. What is it?”

“Oh, great! I kinda need your help, hyung. My tire gave out. Could you pick me up from the Kappa hall?”

Seokjin scowls. “Yah! Who am I, your butler? Hop on a damn bus!”

He notices you pursing your lips, no doubt finding his agitation humorous — you always do. 

“Hyu~ng,” Jimin whines. “I would take the bus, but the next one leaves in forty-five minutes and I need to be back within an hour!”

“What? Why?”

“I started on my sem project really late, hyung, and now I gotta spend any time I can spare at the rehearsal hall. I’m meeting a choreographer here in an hour. Please help me out!” Jimin is still whining, and maybe his reasoning is kind of alright, but—

Seokjin is tired to his bones. He literally cannot drive all the way down to your apartment and then drive back to the university campus to pick Jimin up.

He sighs, wearily. “Jimin… I’m really tired.” 

“And I’m really desperate, hyung! Dancing is tough! And the subject I've chosen, tougher. I haven't done ballet since first semester, Freshman year! I have to work my butt off and be done in under two months."

Seokjin exhales, feeling beyond exhausted. But then your finger is tapping on the screen and the call has been muted. Seokjin’s surprised eyes fly up to meet yours. You look conflicted, biting down on your lower lip as you shake your head with a frown.

“You should go home and rest, Jin. Leave the car with me, I’ll pick him up.”

“Hyung? Say something?”

Seokjin blinks. “You…”

You roll your eyes. “I’ll pick him up, yeah. He’ll drop me off and drive back to your place.”

“Hyung?! Did you put me on mute, or what? I can't hear a thing!”

“Tell him you’ll be there in ten!” you say, unmuting the call.

“I’m in the car, the network must have glitched. I’ll, uh… be there in ten?” Seokjin nervously finishes off, looking at you in question. You give him a nod, blinking slowly. “Wait up, okay?”

“Oh my God, thank you so much, hyung!” Jimin practically squeals through the phone. “I’ll be in the ice cream shop across the building. I love you, hyung-nim!”

Seokjin rolls his eyes and disconnects the call. He looks at you from the corner of his eyes as he takes a right, now moving in the direction of his apartment instead of yours. “You sure about this? Jimin, um, knows. About our…” Seokjin doesn’t want to call it the f-word, because he would like to believe that you two aren’t actually fighting. “You being upset, I mean,” he settles for the easier alternative. “He might ask questions.”

You give a small huff of wry laugh. “I can handle it, Seokjin. I’ve known Jimin for almost three years now.”

Seokjin doesn’t like it when you address him by his full name. And so, his lips remain pursed for the remainder of the ride, only parting to tell you to “drive safe and text me when you finally get home,” and then he walks inside his apartment without looking back.

He hears his car come to life and then speed away. He shuts his eyes, leaning against the kitchen counter. Gathering his emotional as well as physical bearings, he opens the refrigerator to rummage through some leftovers to munch on while he breaks out a six pack of Budweiser. 

Before his fried rice has even reheated, Seokjin groans at the sight of an all too jovial Hoseok entering the kitchen with a glint in his eyes. “No, Hobi. Not now.”

“What? I didn’t say a word, hyung!”

Seokjin winces, shutting his eyes just as the microwave beeps. “I don’t have enough energy to deal with your general aura, right now,” he mumbles, extracting the piping hot glass bowl. He leans down to open one of the compartments beneath the kitchen table to get to the beer that he’s been dreaming of for nearly an hour, now. “I’m dead on my feet and—woah!” Seokjin gasps, cutting himself off.

Hoseok hops into the kitchen, coming around to stand behind Seokjin. “So you found ’em,” he says around a chuckle.

“Found ’em? This is you?” Seokjin whips his head around to glare at Hoseok up from his crouch. “Why is my liquor closet resembling a liquor shop, Hobi? Why do we have all this—” he turns around to read the labels, cursing under his breath. “Why do we have,” he pauses to count, “five bottles of Tequila and eight bottles of Vodka?”

Hoseok frowns in concern. “Eight? There should be ten, hyung, check again.”

Seokjin actually gasps, this time. “What the hell, Jung Hoseok? Explain yourself before I start throwing hands!”

Hoseok smacks a palm against his forehead, taking Seokjin by surprise, yet again. “Tonight’s the Halloween party, hyung! Did you actually forget?”

Seokjin screws his eyes shut, letting his head roll back with a frustrated whine. “No~o, don’t tell me it's tonight. Halloween’s tomorrow, right? Why is the party tonight?”

“Yes, hyung, Halloween in tomorrow, which is why it would be stupid to hold the party when Halloween is ending.”

Seokjin finds the logic to be very severely flawed, but his energy is draining out fast and he cannot keep up with this quarrel. There’s no point, anyway. He’s known about this party for nearly a month. And Hoseok isn’t going to postpone a whole party just because Seokjin is tired.

“You look tired, hyung. You should rest. Recharge yourself before the party, okay? There’s plenty of time.” Hoseok pats Seokjin on the shoulder with a kind smile.

“I’m not even in the mood to party, Hobi,” Seokjin mutters, reaching behind all the glass bottles to extract his pack of cans. 

Hoseok scowls at Seokjin. “Because you’re upset about your fight, I realize that. All the more reason to party, hyung! Take your mind off it for some time, why don’t you? You don’t even have to dress up, come as yourself.”

“I’d rather just drink myself to sleep and not wake up for the next twenty four hours.”

Hoseok blocks his path as Seokjin moves to exit the kitchen. “Is Honey coming?”

Seokjin sighs, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know, Hobi. Did you invite her?”

“No, hyung, because you said you would.”

Seokjin clicks his tongue. He completely forgot. “Then she isn’t coming.”

Without listening to his protests, Seokjin trudges upstairs with his food and beer. He will be forced to come down for at least a couple shots, he is certain, so he better make as much of the time he has on his hands as he can.

These days, it seems to be becoming a pattern for you to do things without really understanding why you do them. 

You nibble at your bottom lip as you recall how gaunt and pale Seokjin had looked when you sat in the car. You had been really self-centered as it is, not really keeping in touch with him for four days, and then reaching out when you needed help. You couldn’t bear to think, on top of everything, that he had driven you home despite his extreme exhaustion while you sat back selfishly and let him drive around the city to pick Jimin up when he looked like a ghost.

You shake your head at yourself as Jimin jogs down the road to enter the car, ten seconds after you texted him. 

His gaze is slightly hesitant when he meets your eyes, even though his smile is nothing but genuine. “Hello, noona. How come you are…” he trails off, gesturing around the two of you.

You start the car, shrugging one shoulder. “Seokjin came to pick me up. Now you’re gonna drop me off.”

Jimin gives you a huge smile, before his eyebrows suddenly lower. You look away, veering onto the road. “Wait. Were you in the car with him when I called?”

You chuckle. “Yes.”

“Oh,” Jimin mumbles around a small laugh.

You hum to yourself as you drive, distracting yourself from the thoughts that keep encircling your head. Seokjin is your boyfriend, no matter how mad you might be at him — you love him and care about him. Which is why you have tried to help him out. Not to mention, you felt slightly guilty, as it is, about calling him to pick you up. Why is your gesture of goodwill bothering you, then?

This is what you do for people you care about. Seokjin would do the same.

Your train of thoughts suddenly comes to a screeching halt.

Would he? Would he, really?

“You okay, noona?”

You jolt back from your thoughts, wide eyes turning to look at Jimin. “Wha—yes, yeah, I'm fine.”

He cocks an eyebrow at you. “You’re gripping the wheel really hard.”

You look at your tightly clenched fists, and immediately ease them. “Oh, uh. Sorry. A lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Understandably,” Jimin mutters, looking out of the side window when you turn to look at him.

You purse your lips and press down on the accelerator. 

A few beats of silence pass between you two before Jimin clears his throat. “Can I say something?” he asks you in a soft voice, looking nothing like the seductive persona he puts forth to get ladies falling in his bed. 

You exhale. “Sure.”

“You, um. You are not just hyung’s girlfriend, you know?” he says slowly.

You scoff. “Of course, I do. I am also the very best server my restaurant has ever seen and the best struggling model you’ll ever meet, on the side.”

Jimin snorts, before giggling with his eyes closed. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

You do. But you do not want to face it. You want to be selfish, for once. You do absolutely know that you have been ignoring all the boys in your anger at Seokjin, but you absolutely do not wish to do anything about it. Not until you’ve resolved this tense air between you and Seokjin.

“You are also a part of our little family,” Jimin quietly finishes.

You suck your lips in at that. The word “family'' really gets to you. 

He’s right, isn’t he? 

All eight of you — well, nine, now, with the addition of Taehyung’s girlfriend — have been a family since the day you met these guys.

You smile as the memories start to filter in.

You had had a giant crush on Seokjin since the very first time you saw him in your Freshman year. Well, having a crush on the guy wasn’t that unheard of given how handsome he was. It also helped matters that he modelled for the cover page of your university’s journal within his first month in college. What surprised you was his reciprocated interest when you both finally got to know each other, thanks to Byulyi. Your current roommate was majoring in photography back then, and somehow roped the two of you into modelling for her portfolio. Seokjin asked you out during the sixth month of your Freshman year.

You recall being introduced to Yoongi in your Sophomore year, when he entered your college as a Music major. You found him laid back, calm but really sassy, and fun to be around. The three of you often hung out together, and you took immense pleasure in singling Seokjin out with the two of your sarcastic back and forths.

In your senior year, Hoseok transferred to your college as a Sophomore, and Taehyung and Jimin entered as Freshmen. 

Hoseok was literally the most lively person you’d ever met in your life. There wasn’t a single moment of boredom next to him. He was easily given the responsibility of planning all your outings and parties, henceforth — a position he still holds with full competence.

Taehyung was usually found to be lost in his head more often than not in his initial college days. He was confused about his major for two entire semesters. With inputs from the group, when he eventually picked Art, he eased into college life. After that, he came out to be one of the weirdest and unwittingly funny guys in the group. You still don’t get how he was the first amongst all the boys to find him a girl.

Jimin was a really quiet and reserved individual, at first. He very rarely interacted with you all, choosing to stay holed up in his dorm room, instead, that Taehyung had forced him to share with him. You suspected he was recovering from a recent heartbreak. It became evident when he started dating someone within a week of getting into college, only to confess it was a rebound when he got dumped. The whoring around that began after the whole debacle is yet to cease, though. Obviously. 

Hoseok comes from a really well-off family, and had brought along with him the four-bedroom apartment he currently resides in with Yoongi, Jimin and your boyfriend. His uncle gave it away to him, rent-free of course, and he proposed to share it with the rest of the guys. Seokjin and Yoongi were immediately on board, more than eager to leave the chaotic dorm life behind. Taehyung, contrarily, decided he wanted to get the whole college experience and refused to quit the dorms. Jimin, then, left the dorm he shared with Taehyung to move in with the elders.

You met Jungkook immediately after your graduation on the boy’s eighteenth birthday. He instantly struck you as a smart kid, really good at singing as well as art. Yoongi disclosed he wanted to be a music major in your college, and you tried to encourage Jungkook about it, but the guy could hardly even look at you. It was cute but also hilarious how much he was scared of Seokjin, and by principle, you.

You believe that is still true. Now that you think about it, you're pretty sure you haven’t seen Jungkook ever actually relax around the two of you.

“Noona?”

You blink, coming back to the present as Jimin calls out to you. You take a deep breath, the memories hitting you with tender emotions. All these people are really precious to you, aren’t they? The bunch of you really are a family, aren’t you?

A sad smile swims up to your face. You miss the boys.

When he calls again, you turn to look at Jimin, questioningly. 

“Please don’t be mad at hyung,” he slowly says, looking down at his lap. In this moment, he looks quite unlike the Jimin you are used to and reminds you of, instead, the one you’d first met. “He might lack tact, sometimes, but he really loves you a lot. You’re his whole world. Whatever it is that you are angry about, you should tell him about it. I don’t think he would be able to figure it out by himself.”

This, you agree with. “I’ll try, Jiminie.”

“We all miss you. Especially Hobi hyung and I,” he says with a lopsided excuse of a smile. 

You resist the urge to fluff his hair. Jimin and Hoseok have been like the younger brothers you never had. You miss them, too. 

He suddenly chuckles. "And Yoongi hyung hides it well, but I think he's the one that misses you the most. No one helps him roast Jin hyung quite like you do."

You roll your eyes. "Of course not. It's a waste for Yoongi to even try to find a better partner at roasting Jin."

You spot your apartment building and pull up to it. 

“I’ll try to talk to Jin as soon as I can, Jimin, I promise. Don't worry so much about it,” you say as you step out, patting the boy once on his head. "I miss you all, too."

You give a small wave and faint smile to him as he drives away.

tagging: @shrimpmsg​

note: so! a lil bit of backstory and the infamous halloween party - how we feelin’ so far? the next part is ~12k words, too, and i’ll post it next wednesday, wait around~ 😘💕

SECOND PART OUT NOW: read here!

© jimilter | 2021

#bts #kim seokjin #jin #bangtanarmynet #btsgoldnet #thebtstown #ksmutclub #bts smut #kim seokjin smut #jin smut #bts angst #kim seokjin angst #jin angst #bts imagine #kim seokjin imagine #jin imagine #jin x reader #seokjin x reader #*mine: fic #w: riptide #w: youth #not q

[vatrocvet]

do you think norma hates/would try to hide her lazy eye/tooth gap?

Sorry for the late response, I spent half my day thinking about this ask, but I think I've figured it out. Also, this is going to be extremely long winded because I will take any excuse to talk about her.

Despite this reference, she avoids smiling with her teeth. Her glasses were picked out oversized to hide and distract from her broken nose and her lazy eye. She even has this learnt tendency to pick a standing position which makes the way her lazy eye looks less prominent. A perfectionist in her own right, truly.

(this is the part where i go off on a somewhat canon related tangent. not too relevant to the ask itself but i felt i had to.)

Norma in her essence strikes me as someone who puts on an elaborate performance to hide the fact she's rather insecure. She comes of as this mean, prideful person with a condescending presence of a typical giggly mean girl, making sure you know she thinks she's above you, and don't you dare try to usurp her position in the eyes of the authority figures. This role she's playing represents a from of control she likes to cling to, and she's been keeping it up for so long it melted into her face. People who are the most curel are usually the most unhappy with themselves.

She seems stable, she seems rather mean for seemingly no reason. Inside she yearns for the glory, the recognition, the attention of her superiors, so she goes on a senseless, demeaning feat to bring Raz down because she's probably baffled by him and envious of him just walking in with all these acclamations and attention from high ranking agents. How does she get this attention back? She has to do something just as important. Like singlehandedly rooting out the mole and helping the entire organisation! This is very much worth it and since she's so intelligent and her judgement is oh so spotless, she couldn't possibly be wrong. She's so sure she's right, she thinks nothing off-script could possibly happen. I went as far as to analyze her face in the background of some scenes. Specifically when the adults find Raz and Lili after they exited "Truman's" mind. When Sasha is disappointed in Raz, she has this triumphal expression of absolute joy. Everything is clicking! Everything is going according to plan! And then it doesn't. And then instead ot having a hand in rooting out the mole, she had a hand in bringing back Maligula. According to Morris, she came to him UPSET about some TERRIBLE MISTAKE she had made, asking for reinforcement. I curse the day this wasn't a scene because it could've given her some 100% canon dimension, her own little villain breakdown. She clearly has developed leadership and manipulation skills, but her actual social intelligence is quite poor. Bullying a ten year old? Seriously?

The instance of her realizing she fucked up big time with the whole Maligula incident and the bottled emotions cut voice line tells me we aren't seeing the full picture, which makes sense because we're looking at everything from Raz's perspective.

(messy tangent over. let's say i'm back to the ask)

Now, in the realm of my messy headcanons and theorizing, she's just a fumbling bunch of awful learnt behaviors. Once something works, the brain takes it and runs with it.

She is practically unrecognizable. But due to a total angstfest of reasons, she has developed a permanent lazy eye (her vision is straight up awful. she strained her eyes so greatly she occasionally has to squint even with her thick glasses. without them she can't see a finger in front of her face. her eyes are super sensitive and her poor vision is one of the many reasons she's quite prone to headaches.). i don't know if i portray it clearly enough, but you might have noticed her nose is broken. This is tied to her lazy eye. Her tooth gap is genetic (Lizzie has one too!), and despite wearing braces for it when she was little, they didn't dissappear (mostly because she was basically bullied out of wearing them. they gave her a speech impediment and she would refuse to wear them so they didn't improve anything). Her skin is also genetically prone to acne, but she had a hand in making it all the more sensitive and damaged.

She's got these... Let's call them nervous habits. Picking at her lips till they're wounded, chewing on her nails and fingers, tugging at her hair and itching and opening her acne when under duress.

She was never called pretty. Nobody ever called her beautiful. Quite the opposite, the cruel kids around her knowing nothing about her expect that she was a psychic freak, insulted her physical appearance as kids usually do. She defaulted to thinking people find her ugly. When she stopped taking care of herself and deteriorated greatly, she didn't feel the impact of it. When her damaged left eye stopped working, she wasn't bothered. When her skin was full of scars from being picked over and over again, she thought it was normal. She was always "ugly". Their laughter and cruel comments were the norm, so there mustn't be a problem. Her posture was awful, she was in constant pain, but she didn't care. So what if her body deteriorated? So what if she shed a fistful of hair every day? It was all worth it for the numbers, the results, the grades, the acclaim. Her only form of self worth lied in these "achievements". Even if there was someone to tell her she wasn't ok, it's not like she would've listened. It didn't matter.

But the many competitions and performances she participated in required her to be presentable.

This realization was a heavy hit. She went from barley taking care of herself to suddenly becoming very proactive in that department. She wasn't only chasing numbers anymore. She also had to present herself in front of others. People are shallow. They might knock her efforts down because she wasn't attractive. What she stopped caring about suddenly became important, and it only worsened when she got older.

I feel where she is at currently is the healthiest environment she has ever been in for her. Where people like her are accepted. A place where she can finally feel like she maybe even fits. Where she is safe from the judgment of her family and peers.

But her performance never ends. And now she has people who don't ignore her existence or loathe her by default. Now it matters more than ever.

#norma natividad #i really released a flood of thought unto this poor ask. ignore it if it's too much. the first paragraph is probably a good enough answer. #diarrhea of the word processor #god knows how compressible all this is. #oh well. here goes nothing.

[simonsaysastory]

WARNING: FANDOM SALT

You know what fucking baffles me? How the majority of the Omori fandom seems to villainize Hero, stretching primarily off of one incident of him yelling at Kel. While under extreme emotional duress. And immediately apologizing afterwards because he realized he fucked up.

Like, I absolutely recognize I extrapolate and project some things because I see Hero's family situation and it reminds me sharply of my own, but maybe that's part of why? Because I see all that stuff and I realize the possible stuff going on behind it.

(This same incident has also led to a lot of making Kel into a SadBoi which I have feelings about but at least that has a lot more room for interpretation and there's very much the implication that Kel potentially does hide things, I interpret it a different way but the point is he's a lot more open)

But it's especially this narrative I see constantly where Hero would hate Sunny after finding out the truth. Because it's just... It's baffling. The way people do it paints Hero in such a selfish, overwhelmingly negative light, and I legitimately don't understand it. Again, maybe it's because of my personal experience with similarities with Hero, but like...

Aubrey? Maybe she would hate them. And maybe Hero might hate Basil for his role in the whole incident. But Sunny?

I could maybe see Hero being incredibly upset with Sunny, especially at first, and maybe not able to handle being around him for a time. But I just can't see him hating Sunny, not at all. And it genuinely ruins a lot of otherwise interesting concepts for post-good ending because it feels like there's this fundamental misunderstanding of his character.

It just leaves me wondering if people just want someone to villainize, and Hero had the misfortune of having an incident of lashing out AND not having boobs. Because wow do I not see Aubrey getting the same kind of flack that Hero does, just like in most fandoms. At least Aubrey being pissed at them is in character for her.

#Omori (Game) #Hero (Omori) #Fandom Wank #I'm just salty about this because genuinely like I said #It just ruins so many otherwise good stories for me #At the very least make Hero react differently from Aubrey! Because depth is nice! #Variety in a story is really good!

[twilights-800-cats]

Alrighty, I’ve finished Leopardstar’s Honor!

Here we go.

I think it was fine, leaning more towards bland. The saving grace for the story is Leopardstar herself - I think her characterization as a self-assured, somewhat selfish, overconfident cat is very spot on to her other depictions throughout the series. There are so many moments you want to pick her up and say “honey no”... maybe too many, honestly.

As far as criticisms go...

The Story As A Whole

One thing is obvious - the pacing is pretty bad. Not every super edition needs to start off from moment one of a character’s life and with the plot of this story as it stands, I don’t think this one had to. We could’ve easily skipped ahead to Leopard as a young ‘paw and had her relevant incident with Skyheart and the loss of her mother still deeply affect her.

As it is, we don’t spend enough time in any part of Leopardstar’s life to really get something meaningful out of it - relationships develop in leaps and bounds from chapter to chapter before being cut off unceremoniously or lost altogether. The book feels like a game of red light green light.

I think the exception to this is Leopardstar’s life as a warrior - we do spend a good deal of time there... but again, it suffers from the red light green light problem: conflicts stop and start on a whim and nothing’s really given room to breathe or last.

I think the story might’ve been better served to focus more on Leopard decision to form TigerClan. There’s more than enough content to justify the reason why and cutting a death or two might’ve given the TigerClan portions more chances to breathe and be more than just a horrible fearmongering mess. It feels like Leopardstar loses control too suddenly - nothing in this story feels like it’s allowed to be gradual.

One thing I did like, and I wish they had done more with, was Mudfur’s dream - almost every single super edition has a prophecy, and almost all of them suffer for it, but Mudfur’s dream was just that, a dream he had when he was a warrior, a hope that his daughter will rise up and become strong. Despite the uncertainty of that, the narrative still functionally treats the dream as if it were one of those prophecies. I think there was an opportunity there to perhaps lean into Leopardstar’s belief in this dream - especially if Mudfur tore it down later on in the book and used it to bolster Leopardstar’s confidence.

I also don’t think this book really did a lot to sell RiverClan - there’s no mention of the cats decorating their dens, like we’ve seen mentioned in other parts of the series. The distinction between river prey and land prey is something we’ve known since Crookedstar’s Promise. The story does do a bit to point out that RiverClan’s over-reliance on the river is a bad thing, but in the same sentences it destroys any sort of realism with how the river prey is described! Erins, do you have any idea how big salmon and carp are?! Do you understand how large a cat is?

RiverClan’s camp is also really poorly described, honestly. Nothing about it stood out to me, it didn’t feel like a place. Nowhere in RiverClan territory felt at all real because the names the cats gave them were given so little importance and we have no idea where anything is. There’s hardly any time spent describing RiverClan... ever. This is a massive, massive shame, since this is the first RiverClan content we’ve gotten in a very long time - and the first book of the next series is possibly also RiverClan-focused. It doesn’t inspire confidence.

The story is moving by the Redtail’s Debt retcon. No mention is made of Oakheart dying from a rockfall, and his death is treated as ThunderClan’s fault for the entire story - which would be fine if it were Leopard’s own delusion due to her hatred of ThunderClan, but that’s just not the case.

Obviously there are timeline inconsistencies as well, the largest one being ShadowClan warriors in the camp a chapter before it’s even mentioned that Leopardstar let them in. It was very strange to read. Events just seemed off from when they were meant to happen, but then again there’s not a whole lot of setting to anchor a reader in even what phase of the moon you’re in.

The Relationships

It’s safe to say the relationships in this book also suffer from the red light green light pacing. As soon as the reader - and Leopardstar - grow attached to a character... they’re killed. It reminded me of Bluestar’s Prophecy, like they were trying to evoke that same feeling of grief... but these characters have so little time to actually endear themselves to us, and there are so many of them, that it becomes fairly obvious that Leopardstar just isn’t meant to have friends!

Not only that but I honestly think the story missed a huge opportunity in the friendships that it chose to focus on.

I’ve spoken about her "romance” with Frogleap, but I’ll reiterate here: it’s weak, but not worthless. I wish there was more to it, more scenes of Leopard choosing the Clan over him, but it is what it is. I could’ve done without her constantly thinking of whether or not she should’ve been with him, though.

Whiteclaw was fine, and by extension I think Sunfish was fine, too, if only to serve the Whiteclaw sideplot, which I thought was well-done but needed perhaps more room to breathe; but Leopardstar has absolutely no relationship with cats like Stonefur or Mistyfoot, characters that she was reportedly extremely close to. When Stonefur is named deputy, there’s no weight behind it - he and Leopard had absolutely no connection. They barely say three lines to one another that aren’t relating to Clan business. Mistyfoot gets nothing until Leopardstar begs her to be deputy. It’s baffling!!

I also wanted more from Mudfur and Leopardstar’s relationship. He feels like he’s barely there, when he could’ve been a real presence in Leopard’s life, good or bad. I liked the angle of Leopard equating his doubts to her father considering her a failure - but it just doesn’t feel like it works. I thought something big would come from Crookedstar revealing that Mudfur didn’t want Leopard to be picked as deputy but... there’s no change in their relationship, at least not one that the pacing would allow us to see.

Tigerstar and Leopardstar is a contentious relationship to say the least but... I gotta say, I wanted more of it. I think this is the one story where Tiger feels like Tiger - manipulative and evil, but with very little of his moustache-twirling obviousness. It feels like he just disappears from the story entirely after he’s exiled from ThunderClan, only to pop back up again.

It’s probably awful to say, but... I kind of wanted a sour romantic relationship between Leopard and Tiger here. I do not trust the Erins to handle that with any ounce of grace, and I don’t seriously wish it upon the canon at all, but I thought that the possibility could’ve been interesting. The two did genuinely seem to have a connection, and even if they were romantic, I don’t think Leopard would’ve formed TigerClan just because she liked Tigerstar - the book had already established other reasons why she would think TigerClan a good solution.

I trust the Erins with relationships like I trust my dog with chocolate: I just don’t :P

--

I think that’s all my grievances so far. Kudos to anyone who read all this! I honestly feels like I’ve more negatives than positives to say about these books lately... Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy them; but the writing quality has become exhaustingly inconsistent.

I really wish they would slow down book production and give these stories more thought - the readers deserve it, as do the authors themselves.

#leopardstars honor spoilers #tumblr did not like this long ass post