#the one or two lines people say to your dialogue choices before robotically going to the same ending line

[that-ari-blogger]

The Episode That Needs No Introduction

This is a post about Promise. And I could end this introduction here and you would know what I'm talking about. Because Promise is the episode that made She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. Before this episode, this is a war story, with an abusive parent figure and a femme fatale that the hero will have to overcome and befriend respectively.

Even two episodes prior, in the darkest episode up to that point, this was still a war story. The stakes were barely personal.

Promise is when that changes, and this series becomes psychological. Or rather, reveals just how psychological it has been the entire time.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Promise is one of the most well written episodes of television out there, to the point where several top ten lists for She Ra actively exclude it because it is too obvious of a choice. TheGamer.Com calls it "a masterstroke of emotional storytelling". Meanwhile, Five By Five Takes' video, She Ra's Internal Trilogy is a powerful analysis of Promise in the context of the whole series and is genuinely what inspired me to create this blog in the first place. Promise is good cinema.

I'm going to start with that opening sequence, because it summarises all three characters and their arcs masterfully. Light Hope responds to She-Ra but ignores Adora. Catra is desperate for Adora, but despises She-Ra. So, our protagonist is pulled in both directions, by others and by herself. You get all this from the emotionless dialogue from Light Hope, despite it not stating it directly, and from Catra's expressions.

I am aware that this robot specifically isn't technically Light Hope, but Light Hope is the entire system, so I consider this robot a part of that.

Even here, there is a dichotomy between the characters. Catra and Light Hope are opposites, where one says only kind things, but her actions betray a more Machiavellian nature, the other's words are hurtful, but despite herself, she cannot help but show a kindness. Exhibit A: The last time these two saw each other, Catra was giving Adora back the sword.

There is also the emotionless vs ball of anger in a vaguely humanoid shape parallel, but that is mainly superficial.

This training scene is cool because it gives us yet another look behind the curtain at Catra's psyche. Take a look at these two lines, back to back.

"Way to gang up on me!"

"No, I'm fine. You're just lucky I let you win."

Catra puts up a brave face to impress people and to cover up for herself. But look who she is saying that to. Catra wants desperately to show off to Adora. She has no interest in showing strength to Shadow Weaver at this point, her defiance isn't fueled by that.

The one person at this point in the story that Catra has been shown trying to impress is Adora. It gets mentioned that she does things to gain Hordack's favour, but we never actually see that, and her words are far from trustworthy.

It is also notable that the first thing Catra tries to do is scream for Adora when she's met with the spider. It's instinctual, and there's something to that.

Because... is it instinctual? I've talked about Catra's character design in the past, focusing on the symmetry, but I took care to not mention her stand out quality. Catra's animalistic physical appearance is a metaphor for one of her strongest themes, instinct vs choice.

It is possible to make a case on almost every single one of Catra's actions for either instinct or choice. Is she instinctively caring for Adora, but choosing not to? Or is she desperately trying to be kind, and instinctively rejecting that? I am partial to the second idea, but it could quite reasonably be either. The story doesn't at any point make the answer clear, which is a strength of the writing.

An instinct is a behaviour that you do not think about, not necessarily one you are born with. For example, flinching when something flies by your face is an instinctive behaviour, but so is lashing out when feeling threatened. Some compulsions and addictions function like this. And I think that Shadow Weaver's manipulation has caused Catra to develop these behaviours. Catra has been raised to instinctively push away affection, or to stay silent when feeling love of her own.

Shadow Weaver physically abuses a child in this scene. That is objectively what this is. The fact that this is magical is the only thing that let the writers get this through censorship. But I want to be clear here, this is not simply punishing misbehaviour, this is not tough love, this is not building strength. Shadow Weaver physically abuses a child in this scene.

And this is favouritism as well, Shadow Weaver could have cast her spell and frozen both Adora and Catra or reprimanded them both. But she chose to torture Catra exclusively.

However, favouritism and privilege are two different things. In this case, they are unrelated. Again, there are so many ways Shadow Weaver could have done this. She could have let Adora go, but she kept her, and made her watch.

"Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let this happen again."

This is a statement. It says: "this is what affection gets you, pain".

Shadow Weaver is at her lowest in this scene. She isn't introduced as a terrifying threat like in episode one. This Shadow Weaver is frail and unmasked. She is breathing heavily, and exhausted. This is who Shadow Weaver is, truly.

Michaelangelo is attributed the following quote:

"All I did was chip away at everything that didn't look like David."

In truth, Michaelangelo probably never said this, and Quote Investigator references the line's evolution in this source, up to its current form, first published in 1974 in the Boston American Herald. In any case, you can apply this to characters in fiction. If you take away everything that isn't that character, what do you get. What is the element that stops this character from feeling out of character.

Redemption arcs often struggle with this, as the single essential element is usually their motivations, and in a shallow villain, switching sides can make them feel out of character. Spoilers for Avatar: The Last Airbender (Skip to the next paragraph if you want to avoid those), but one big reason for why Zuko's redemption arc works so well is that his villainy isn't his essential element, that's his drive for honour.

So, what is Shadow Weaver's core attribute? When you take away her schemes and her power and her mask? Who is she? The answer to that is simple: Shadow Weaver is cruel.

Rise Of The Guardians presents the idea of a person's centre, and it fits this concept really well. Cinema therapy has a video dissecting the subject, and it comes down to this: Your centre is the thing that makes you who you are. In the Ship of Theseus question, your centre is the one plank of wood that makes it the same ship. You can change some important things about yourself, but if you keep this, you fundamentally remain yourself.

With that said, what is Catra's centre? This isn't a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely not sure. I think it's her empathy, for good or evil. But again, I'm not sure. Let me know.

There is actually a chance to find this centre in Promise. And it's here:

"Catra, wait. I'm sorry for leaving... You could come with me! You could join the rebellion! I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde."

This is everything Catra wants, it's an apology. It's an affirmation of friendship and love. And you see her genuinely consider the chance. But unfortunately, Light Hope steps in to tear them apart.

Because Light Hope is also manipulative. She wants everything Shadow Weaver wants, specifically control. She tries to mould She-Ra into her weapon just like Shadow Weaver, and she tries to tear her away from Catra in the same way. That's why she chooses this specific memory, because she knows it will hurt the most. Because she knows it will tear them apart.

Both Shadow Weaver and Light Hope know that an isolated Adora is an easy She-Ra to manipulate. Because the one thing neither of them can possibly account for in their plans is love.

Light Hope is named to reassure, to give Adora some sense of trust there, and it works. Because She-Ra is a story about hope, and about finding it in others.

But here is an important distinction. Others don't give you hope, you do that to yourself. Others can inspire you, or connect with you, or kindle that flame. But at the end of the day, hope is something you give yourself. Someone claiming to be your only hope can just as easily be seeking to control you. A lighthouse might lead you to a shore, but a fake flame over dangerous waters could sink your ship.

Those final two conversations are infamous amongst the fandom, and for good reason. This is the worst parts of both characters being brought out. Adora and her hero complex, and Catra with her emotion. Both good features in certain circumstances, but in the wrong place, they can create a wedge. Light Hope has precision engineered the exact circumstances needed for that wedge to crack their relationship so she can take advantage of the wreckage.

Final Thoughts

This was a difficult post for me to write for two reasons.

First, what can you say about Promise that hasn't been said before a hundred times? This the quintessential episode of She Ra and almost everyone in the fandom has weighed in on the subject. So, finding something original to add was an interesting experience.

But second, this episode has a reputation for a reason. I've said before that the greatest strength of this series is its humanity, and that is made even more obvious by Promise. There are real people who have had conversations like the one in the corridor. There are real people who have experienced what Shadow Weaver's behaviours are an allegory for. If you stripped away the magic from these scenes, they would play out almost exactly the same.

The reason the series overall is so powerful, is that it tells you that things will be bad, behaviours have consequences, trauma hurts you and people around you. But it also tells you that there is always hope. There will always be someone willing to offer you a hand of genuine kindness, and over time, that can change you. She-Ra gives people hope.

I'm away next Friday. But I'll be back in the new year with some analysis of Light Hope

Previous - Next

#rants #literary analysis #literature analysis #character analysis #what's so special about...? #she ra and the princesses of power #she ra catra #she ra adora #she ra light hope #she ra pop #she ra shadow weaver #she ra princess of power #she ra #spop #adora #catra #catradora #she ra spop

[citrinesparkles]

welcome home.

jason todd x gender neutral reader. 2,086 words. notes: requested by an incredibly flattering anon as part of my hundred followers celebration! thank you again for the feedback, and for enabling me :) also was subconsciously influenced by this piece. warnings: arguing, discussion of danger, reader gets accidentally threatened, patching up wounds, lots more swearing than my usual (but it's all mild language). angst and comfort, i think. super dialogue heavy. this is so long and a little (lot) messy just. prepare yourself

"man," a robotic voice echoed dangerously through the dark living room, sending chills through you. "did you pick the wrong apartment."

luckily, the voice was familiar. "um, the one i live in?"

he choked out your name, startled, and you flicked on the light switch to find him frozen in place with a gun in his hand.

"right." you said tensely, glancing at it- which made him jerk his hand down, shoving the gun into its holster as though it burned him- and looking back up at the eyes of his helmet. "so, uh, i'll turn a light on next time."

"you shouldn't be home yet," he said stiffly.

"i texted you like, three hours ago to let you know i'd be home a day early."

he swore quietly. "my phone's in the river."

"how did it- you know what, at least that explains the radio silence. you didn't think to have someone else- anyone else- let me know?"

"uh." he paused, tensing almost imperceptibly for a moment. "no. i was, uh, i was busy. i'm sorry."

"busy, huh?" something felt very wrong, and not just the fact that he had nearly shot you. "okay, i'll bite, busy with what?"

"nothing important."

the sinking feeling in your stomach intensified and your eyes narrowed dangerously. "important enough that you forgot to tell me you weren't dead in an alley somewhere, when you knew i'd be texting to check in anyway. leaving me worrying in a hotel room in another city."

"nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to worry about." you were really getting sick of the sound of his modulator, but he continued before you could say anything. "go back to what you were doing, babe."

"yeah... uh, no." you stepped forwards and he flinched back defensively, making you freeze. "seriously, what is up with you tonight?"

"noth-"

"jason, i promise if you say nothing one more time, i'm going to lose my mind."

he shifted his foot back slightly, and you took a deep breath.

"okay," you conceded, raising your hands up in surrender and moving backwards yourself. "respecting your space now. that wasn't my best decis-"

your voice cut out when something under his jacket caught your eye.

something red.

"holy crap, jason, what the hell?"

he winced quietly. "you weren't supposed to be home yet, okay?"

"take that stupid helmet off already, would you?" you snapped, already moving to get the first aid kit.

"i would've gone somewhere else if i'd known, okay?" his voice, now clear and crisp without the filter, followed you down the hall.

"that does not make this better!"

"can you please not yell at me right now?"

you dashed back into the room, shooting a vicious glare at him. "jacket."

he slid it off gingerly, dropping it on the couch next to his helmet.

"can you get the armor, or do i need to help?"

even despite the domino mask he was wearing, you could tell he was rolling his eyes. "if i couldn't do it on my own, why would i have come here if i didn't think you'd be home?"

"hm," you took the piece he handed you and carefully set it on the couch, "maybe because you're a stubborn jackass?"

he grunted, sliding his undershirt off and passing it to you. "i don't wanna stain the couch with that."

"your priorities suck."

"it's the nicest piece of furniture we own!"

"it's still a couch!"

"it was expensive!"

"oh for crying out loud-" you threw your hands up again, this time in frustration. "fine! fine. i'll go put this in the tub and get a soak going. you-" you shoved the kit towards him pointedly- "start washing that off."

"how come you're calling the shots?" he snapped back petulantly.

"because my torso's in one piece."

"i have way more experience with this, i should be making the decisions here."

"oh, of course, my apologies!" your voice was absolutely dripping in sarcasm. "what, pray tell, would you have us do?"

he scowled at you for a moment before reaching for the first aid kit and flicking the lid open. "whatever."

you turned on your heel, stomping into the bathroom.

the shirt got thrown into the tub and the tap got tossed all the way on, and as the water crashed into the gray fabric, you took the opportunity to squeeze your eyes shut and breathe deeply.

you opened your eyes a minute later, finding the water dyed a rusty almost-red from blood.

his blood.

you turned off the tap- gently pushed the handle, this time, the fire in your chest now largely extinguished- and made your way back to the living room to find him running a rag over the space below his ribs.

"may i?" you asked softly, stopping a few feet away and holding a hand out to him.

his jaw clenched and relaxed three times in quick succession, but he finally sighed and dropped his shoulders before holding the rag out. "yeah, c'mere."

you worked in silence, being as gentle as possible. jerking your hand back and mumbling apologies when he hissed.

"s'okay, comes with the territory."

you pressed the alcohol-soaked towel back against him, and he sighed.

"that was stupid, huh."

a small laugh escaped you. "it so was."

"can we..."

"try that again?"

"yeah."

you pulled back, standing up straight to meet his eyes. "only if i can take the dumb mask off of you."

"i thought you liked the mask," he teased, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

"jason."

he chuckled, wincing again when it jostled his wounds. "ouch. uh, yeah, mask. g'head."

you gently pulled it from his face, setting it neatly on his other gear before running your thumbs across the line of adhesive it left on his cheekbones. "hi there."

"hey." he leaned into your touch, vibrant eyes fluttering halfway shut. "so uh, welcome home."

"thanks. could've done without the gun, though."

a choking sound tore from his throat, his eyes flying back open. "holy shit, baby, i almost-" he jerked back from you, no regard for his side. "you almost- shit, shit, are you- i'm so sorry, i didn't-"

"okay, woah, hey-"

"i could have killed you."

it was a whisper, horrified and harsh, and while it was technically true, his tone teetered on the edge of a dark space you had seen before and really didn't want him falling back into.

"yeah."

you desperately searched for the right thing to say, rejecting variations of "but hey, you didn't actually", "maybe you should be more careful about waving a gun at people", and one particularly unhelpful "no shit, sherlock".

finally, you settled on a quiet, calm "but i'm still right here, okay?"

his hand flew up to cover his mouth, doing absolutely nothing to hide the near panic written on his features. "i could have killed you."

"okay, so, in the future, we'll... we'll uh, we'll come up with some kind of system for letting you know when i'm home, or something."

"oh, like a phone?" he asked harshly. "the one i was stupid and sloppy enough to dunk in the harbor?"

"that wasn't- i'm guessing that you had a lot on your plate." you waved the cold, bloody towel in your hand at his wounds. it made him curl in on himself slightly, stepping backwards again until his back hit the arm of the couch.

"no excuses. i could have killed you."

"i-"

"no, i almost shot without saying anything!" he exclaimed, brow furrowed and eyes stormy. "i thought someone had broken in, and i got so- i don't even know, damn territorial or some stupid shit- that i almost put a bullet between your eyes. i could have-"

"jason!"

he screwed his eyes shut and dropped his head, roughly tugging his fingers through his hair. "i almost-"

"but you didn't. okay?" every fiber of your being wanted to hold him, to tug him into you and put his hand against your ribs and show him you were okay and breathing, heart still pumping, but he looked enough like a cornered animal that you half expected him to bite you if you tried. "c'mon, jaybird. a life like yours, can you really afford almosts?"

"life like mine, i can't afford to let anyone close to me. apparently, if the goons and thugs don't kill you, i will."

"that's not-"

"what if i hadn't said something?" he snapped venomously. "what if i'd lost more blood and was loopy from it? what if i'd come home with a concussion- again- and didn't think past 'point and shoot'?"

"jason," you finally interjected. "you think i haven't thought about that?"

his eyes, grim and vicious and so full of emotion that you thought you could drown in them, dropped to the floor.

"because it's not a secret that your life is risky. you're risky. i know that. but you're worth every ounce of danger, okay? i'm choosing this, choosing you, knowing full well what i'm getting into, because you're worth all of it."

"i'm not worth any of it."

"that's not your call to make."

"it-"

"you think i need you to make my choices for me?"

"no, of course not."

"you think im stuck here?"

"do you feel like you are?"

"absolutely not." you inched forward again. "i'm here because i want to be."

"...i just... i don't..."

"don't want me to get hurt?"

he finally looked back up at you, eyes watery and jaw tense. "or worse."

"i know, baby. i know," you sighed. "but that's part of life, right? and if the hurt's inevitable, i want the rest of my time to be as nice as possible, and you make my life better. make me better."

"by putting you in danger?"

"it's gotham, handsome, i'm gonna be in danger either way. at least with you, i know i have someone looking out for me. right?"

"always," he said immediately.

"okay then." you took the last step between the two of you slowly, watching for any resistance. meeting none, you brushed your knuckles against his. "i can't think of anywhere i'd feel safer."

"you know that's crazy, right?"

you hummed quietly. "nah."

"i'm being serious."

"me too."

he studied your face silently. you smiled softly at him.

finally, a sigh escaped him and he scooted his hand forward, wrapping his index finger around your own and squeezing gently. "you're sure you want this? i can set you up with a place downtown for a bit. you'd never have to see me again, never have to worry about... all of this."

"i've never been more sure of anything." you said it firmly, confidently, letting the words hang in the air for a few moments before popping one eyebrow up playfully. "why, need to make room for a side piece?"

a startled choking sound escaped him. "excuse me?"

"i mean, when you were talking about being busy, it felt kinda suspicious."

"what is wrong with you?" he asked, exasperation and laughter coating his voice.

"listen, you were being evasive!" his head fell forwards, resting on your shoulder as he laughed.

"i didn't want you to know i was bleeding all over the place!"

"why, didn't want me to worry?"

"exactly!"

you reached your free hand up, gently resting it on the back of his head and playing with his hair. "then maybe, just maybe, you should have gotten someone to tell me your phone went for a swim."

"fair enough."

you stood quietly for a long time, running your fingers through his hair and enjoying the feeling of his breath against your collar.

"i..." he muttered, pulling back to look in your eyes. "i don't think- um. i don't think i'm..." he groaned, gaze darting to the ceiling. "i love you. but the minute you have enough of- of all of this-"

"i won't."

"but if you do, i'll... i'll understand, okay?"

you squeezed his finger gently. "okay." you inhaled deeply, dropping the bloody towel you were still clutching and slid your hand forward to hold his completely. "can we get a bandage on that and go to bed, now?"

"....yes please."

---

"wait!" you yelled, throwing the first aid kit haphazardly onto the bathroom counter and racing after him into the bedroom, where he whirled around with wide eyes. "i love you too! i never said it back- i love you too."

"don't yell like that- i thought something was wrong!"

"me not saying it back is urgently wrong, jason!"

#citrine writes #this was. this was a monster #i sure hope you enjoy because i'm unsure how quality it is #jason todd #jason todd x y/n #jason todd x you #jason todd imagine #jason todd x reader #imagines #dc #dc imagines #dc imagine #blood cw #medical cw

[qqueenofhades]

so…now that we all know what you DISLIKE about star wars (and 400% fairly so, you have my full support here)…

what drew you into the universe, what keeps you around?

favorite characters, ships (OTPs or actual spaceships lol), overall themes, do you have a favorite random weird creature or robot that you adore? whatever you wanna talk about!

go off honey (again, but supportively 💖💖💖)

tax paid: the very nerdy star wars punk vest i made and the even nerdier matching vest i made for starsky

Lmaooo, entirely valid. You were like "star wars?" and I was like the drunk person at the bar who can't stop shouting about how much their ex sucks. But now that I have gotten all that off my chest, let's talk about why I love it (since if I didn't love it, I wouldn't have such strong opinions). Basically my feelings on the OG SW trilogy are similar to my feelings on the OG LOTR trilogy, as that tumblr post floating around somewhere put it: sure, they have flaws, but also, they're perfect. I have a complicated relationship with the prequels, as do we all, since George Lucas cannot write dialogue or direct actors to save his life (stick to what you're good at, George, hire other people to do the rest), but even they have their moments. Like. Hit me with that "Across the Stars" love theme, John Williams. Gahh. Just like that.

Because... Star Wars wasn't actually this omnipresent corporate global entertainment monolith when it started out. It was a dorky low-budget indie sci-fi film in the 1970s which everyone thought was going to bomb. But it told a simple and compelling story in an interesting way, everyone agrees that ESB is one of the best films/sequels ever made, and then ROTJ gave it a happy ending while it was still okay to do that. My main thematic gripe with the Disney trilogy (I will try to keep those to a minimum, lol, but I have to bring it up to compare) is that it very clearly fell into the "actual happy endings are naive and unrealistic and a cynical postmodern audience won't accept anything less than things being Bad" trap that, yet again, we have GOT to thank for. It obviously existed to some degree before that, but GOT blew it up to huge levels, where the only valid situation or character is that which is Grimdark and Depressing. Which, in my view, misses the heart and soul of what SW is all about??

Like. ESB is genuinely dark. ANH was this fun plucky little sci-fi film where the scrappy good guys won the day against the Nazi stand-ins, as they were supposed to, and then ESB comes along (speaking of John Williams, let us all chant together, DUH DUH DUH DUHDUHDUH DUHDUHDUH, DUH DUH DUH DUHHHH DUHHH DUHHH DUHHHH) and things go... wrong. Leia and Han are on the run for most of the movie, then get captured and tortured by the Empire and and betrayed (however unwillingly) by Lando. The Rebellion is attacked on Hoth (I tell you, those fuckin AT-AT walkers were SCARY when you see it as a young kid for the first time), and forced into hiding. Luke loses his hand, doubts Obi-Wan and Yoda and realizes that his mentors are fallible, makes dumb mistakes, and of course gets hit with The Most Famous Line In Movie History. But it's also just adrenaline and excitement. THE ASTEROID FIELD! THE HAN-LEIA BANTER! THE FIRST LUKE-VADER DUEL! THE FACT THAT YOU HEAR TWO FRICKING NOTES OF THE IMPERIAL MARCH AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAHHHH!

But also then... Return of the Jedi. It gets shat upon for the Ewoks and reusing the Death Star as the Big Bad and being supposedly cheesy and not as Thematically Dark as ESB. Which is all kinda silly, in my opinion, but also, can we talk about Luke Skywalker's character arc and how he chooses possibly the most radical compassion ever demonstrated by a hero in an action movie, let alone a space opera. He insists that Anakin Skywalker is still in there somewhere and puts his own neck on the line to prove it. Luke doesn't save the galaxy by being a Badass Jedi. He saves it by throwing away his lightsaber and saying "I will not fight you, Father." He saves it by trusting that even in the depths of darkness, Anakin can come back from the charred ruins of Darth Vader and finally do what he was supposed to do all along. He can end Palpatine for good and all (we don't talk about "Somehow Palpatine has returned" because it's nonsense, obviously). Anakin can avenge the Jedi and what was done to him and all the lies he believed and the pain he wreaked on the galaxy, even then. It's not too late. It's not too late. Like. I don't care if this is Lightweight or Childish or whatever. It makes me CRY every time I watch it. Especially the moment where Luke takes off Anakin’s helmet and sees how ruined he actually is under there, and yet the downfall and death of the trilogy’s chief villain is not triumphant at all but instead utterly heartbreaking. “You were right about me Luke... tell your sister... you were right.”

Excuse me, I need to just /CRIES INTENSELY/

Luke won't be tempted to the dark side for his own sake, but Leia's ("If you will not join me, then perhaps she will"). I likewise hold firmly that Anakin/Vader is one of the best movie villains/antiheroes of all time and likewise have many feelings and Strong Opinions about his arc, prequel writing clumsiness and eye-rollingly tepid love story aside. (See: he and Obi-Wan were deeply in love and in a way they still are, don't @ me. I have no problems with Padme and obviously stan Natalie Portman at all times, but Anakin and Obi-Wan’s relationship is the real love story, the heart of the prequels, and in some ways even the subsequent movies, the end.) And “so this is how democracy dies, with thunderous applause” is... raw af as a line. For being in a Star Wars prequel movie. What?? (Also, the Revenge of the Sith novelization had no business being as good as it was. If only that dude had also written the movie.)

Anyway, my point is: the OG trilogy had plenty of moments of staggering emotional weight and where things genuinely sucked for the good guys and the outcome wasn’t entirely clear. The difference is that it didn’t choose to dwell on them, and it allowed for a transformative fictional space where a happy ending, fiercely fought for and squarely earned, was the right outcome. We didn’t need to go back thirty years later and make everything suck for fear that a cynical modern audience couldn’t connect with it otherwise. (Like I said, we didn’t need the new movies at all, but Disney heard that Cha-Ching of the Almighty Dollar). Star Wars was sci-fi, sure, but it also had the fantasy elements that allowed a happy ending to be the right choice for what we saw the characters go through and the philosophy that carried us through the original trilogy.

Likewise it’s just... Peak as far as dynamics go. C-3PO the fussy metal butler who worries about Everything and R2-D2 who is the droid embodiment of YOLO? Flawless. Sassy scruffy space pirate and badass politician warrior princess bicker constantly, butt heads, drive each other crazy, and then fall in love? Iconic. (And has shaped my ship tastes for... all of eternity, oops.) The above-discussed transformation of Luke Skywalker, whiny ordinary teenage kid, to the truly great man who fulfills what Obi-Wan, Yoda, AND the rest of the entire Jedi order couldn’t manage to do, because of their own flaws and blind spots and black-and-white moral views that didn’t know what to do with a man who loved as passionately as Anakin Skywalker, for better or for worse? The guy who managed to save the galaxy with love? STAN.

So... what? The Disney trilogy decides to retcon all that, throw everything that they’ve fought for out the window, make Han, Leia, and Luke miserable and rejecting the roles they grew into in the original trilogy, and die without ever really reuniting or seeing each other again as a trio? The underlying message was that “these happy endings aren’t satisfactory/realistic/sophisticated enough” and idk, maybe it’s just the shitshow of the last few years, but I’d like to see some entertainment that had the cojones to tell me that despite all the darkness and despair, maybe there’s a chance for hope. (”Rebellions are built on hope,” thank you Only Valid New Star Wars Movie Rogue One.) And Rogue One worked so well, despite being utterly GUTTING as all the heroes died one by one, because we knew what was coming next (A New Hope) and that their sacrifice was going to be worth it. I don’t care if that’s “realistic” or not. As I’ve said before, that’s what stories are for, and if I only wanted things that were Real Life, I would only read the news. Besides, the idea that happy endings never happen in reality is equally bullshit. We as a culture need to accept that more, instead of finding reasons to tear everything down.

So just... yes. The original trilogy might have flaws, but also, it’s perfect. And do I want to rewatch it all now? Kinda.

(Anyway. I warned you this was gonna be long. Oh look, it’s long, and I’m sure there is even more I could say, but still. Ahem.)

sleepover weekend asks

#buffaluff #ask #star wars #long post

[felassan]

Highlights and insights from the N7 Day cast & crew reunion panel

[Rewatch link]

In case a text format is better for anyone. There are some NSFW references. Cut for length.

(Some paraphrasing.)

“Some of us are inebriated”

“Patrick Weekes, the killer of man and beasts, the breaker of hearts”

JHale put the whole thing together, it’s the biggest ME cast reunion to date

The cast had no idea that the remaster was a thing

Lots of ace discussion about what the magic of the MET is (“it captured lightning in a bottle”)

Lots of warm fuzzies between the cast, crew and community, and lots of fun behind-the-scenes anecdotes

Lots of great discussion on the diversity and inclusion in ME: on gender, sexuality, representation, empowerment, the core message in the MET that “we’re all in this together or we’re screwed”, the progress made in the portrayal of female characters in gaming, etc. “Everything behind what went into these characters was authentic, we [the VAs] could tell that so much research, texture, authenticity etc had gone into them. It really made a difference”. JHale: “I’ve spent my career kicking down ceilings [barriers and so on women actors experience] with my steel-toed boot. To get to be a part of this game that has now created the expectation that there now be a female PC, ‘duh’, is once of the great things of my life. BioWare listened and put her on the box. The first time someone dropped the box in front of me I held it over my head and screamed over the crowd, ‘Casey Hudson, thank youuu!!’ It was a divine moment. This game was the moment the boot finally crashed through the glass, pushed by millions of women.”

The panel received many messages from the question submission from fans expressing that MET really helped them through very dark places and periods in their lives. The cast have had a lot of interactions with fans over the years where the fans expressed similar sentiments to them

ME was one of the first games Keythe Farley (Thane) acted for that had branching dialogue/dialogue choices, and when he saw the script with that when he went in, he was like “wow”. ME was the second big game D. C. Douglas (Legion) ever did. In his first audition he didn’t know it was for a robot-type character as it was disguised as something else with a military-feel. The second time it was to do a speech/lament at someone’s funeral and he knew it was for a robot. He said playing Legion for him was a case of “wake up, drink some coffee and go to work”

Jack was really special to her VA Courtenay Taylor because she relates to her so much and had a lot of similar emotional problems and personal troubles in her past. Jack helped her become who she has became. The host added that in his interactions with Courtenay over the years, he realized very quickly that she is very much like Jack

AWR has two moms, something which she hasn’t talked about/expressly said publicly before. Talking about recording lines between Sam and Femshep made her tear up. She said that being raised by two moms in the 80s was tough due to societal attitudes at the time, and so to see a loving relationship between two women depicted in a game was a big deal for her. When recording the white picket fence conversation, she was actually crying (“and then I’m crying because of the lesbians”). It was a huge moment for her to represent her moms’ journey. When she went home she told them all about how her character is gay and wants a white picket fence and everything “just like we had”.

When PW was working on Sam’s arc, one of the things they did was show it to one of their colleagues, who is a lesbian, asking what things she’d like to see in an arc like that and what things she felt were missing from it. The white picket fence conversation came from the colleague’s feedback (“we wanna see the nice, healthy, happy domestic stuff”, as it’s often missing in portrayals of wlw relationships)

As the VAs got more into their characters, they sometimes had feedback and input to the process to offer, like “I don’t think she’d say [this] like [that]”. Sometimes they knew their characters even better than the crew did sometimes. JHale waxed lyrical about Caroline Livingstone’s awesome direction, with the host adding that he has interviewed a lot of the VAs over the years and they all talk about Caroline like she’s Gandalf the White coming to the rescue in LotR. AWR expressed that Caroline is really funny (“don’t worry it’s not you, PW was sick when they wrote this line that’s why”) and emotionally in-tune with them and this makes long hard sessions with her a joy

When Mark went into record for the Citadel DLC one day he asked Caroline “wouldn’t be great if Shepard’s clone had been made to be the opposite gender? Then the two Shepards could fight each other!”

William Salyers (Mordin) likes the way Mordin’s story ended and felt that it was wonderful to be able to play that. He feels like the luckiest person because as he wasn’t the original VA of Mordin, he got to come in late to something that was amazing. “Caroline helped me get to where I needed to be emotionally to play that final scene. It was one of the most moving things I’ve ever gotten to do personally for a piece of interactive art”. PW related that with Mordin’s writing, they didn’t realize how much they were asking for. They thought William was amazing doing all the science-speak/technobabble, as they themselves didn’t know what it meant, and then suddenly having to deliver emotional heartbreaking lines. William’s always been a secret science nerd and so he loved that fact about Mordin. “It was a real treat to say your words”

Karin: “I always claim credit for the Scientist Salarian song even though I had nothing to do with it. I opened that door for PW”

Steve Blum (Grunt) found it a real treat playing Grunt as Grunt is a tough soldier on the outside but a [babey] on the inside, while he is more the other way around (softer on the outside, fight-y inside). He isn’t a gamer and so didn’t know what to expect or what he was getting into. There was the big pile of words, they showed him the picture of Grunt, and he just ran with it. “Grunt was kind of a perfect character for me in that respect”. Side note: his wry comments throughout the panel were hilarious

“Casey Hudson, our glorious loving overlord”

Courtenay jokes about “interspecies snorkeling”

The women Courtenay met working on this game are her friends for life. Ali Hillis (Liara) gave her her number the night of the ME3 drop and was like “let’s hang out!!” “JHale is the shit. I go to England and there’s AWR and I have this friend for life”.

“We’re a family”. The host comments that you don’t see this kind of closeness between the people on a lot of projects

Kimberley Brooks (Ashley) thinks things have and are changing for the better in terms of roles for women, and roles for brown and black women. This year she has noticed increasing awareness of inclusion and of where it’s lacking. “The copies I’m being sent for auditions, it’s drastically changing, I’m seeing it change before my eyes. It’s really exciting, there’s more and more roles for me.” “Ash is such a strong character and I felt very badass playing her, it was life-changing”. She’s excited that the remaster is going to be a new way to see these characters that they’ve been so lucky to voice. Kimberley/Ash was the first female character Karin saw in the studio, when she saw her she was like “Wow, she’s so kickass and inspiring”. At this point Karin hadn’t been working at BioWare for all that long, and she wanted to thank Kimberley, because she saw her and heard her voice and had a personal ‘this changes everything’ moment

Raphael Sbarge (Kaidan) finds it very moving how many women were encouraged into gaming due to ME

Raphael: “Everyone here has awesome varied careers, but because ME was so collaborative [and so on], [it was something really rare and special]. Nothing else I’ve done has been so important or impassioned, it has almost a religious experience to it, which you can see from tears in fans’ eyes and tattoos and people talking about it 10 years later”. “I’m so grateful for it.” “Clearly we’re going to do this again next year! :D” D. C. added that it’s going to follow him for the rest of his career. Courtenay says it has catapulted her career

PW talked about how it’s great that the female chars in ME were allowed to have real, realistic flaws and dark periods (as opposed to nonsense stuff like ‘her flaw is that she’s clumsy’)

Having the male and female PC be voiced was a big, expensive commitment for the studio. Karin commented that at the time, it was a risk that the pretty-much almost entirely-male leadership of BioWare at the time decided was important to take, and so she was happy that these were the values her colleagues had

PW was “the junior baby writer on ME1. I’d just gotten to the studio and Mac Walters fell down a flight of stairs and hurt his back, and they pulled me in while he was healing”. Karin: “Mac was very understanding when PW fell on the ice and hurt themselves during ME2.” PW: “My job in ME1 was to come up with conversations between followers to pass the time in the elevator loading times. I was throwing stuff at the wall to see what would stick”

Steve turning his volume down before he shouts classic Grunt quotes down the mic

Caroline: “Do you know how many tears were shed in the booth? How many times have we all cried in the booth...” JHale: “We were recording the end of ME3, which I never call the end, because I’m always like I’M HERE! [wink] The goodbye Garrus lines” - these lines got right under her skin and when she went to say her lines she couldn’t speak because she’d burst into tears. “It was all I could do to say those words... and then there was silence... [and Caroline had gotten choked up too].” This was one of the last sessions they did. PW: “John Dombrow wrote Garrus in ME3 and I’m gonna tell him that he got you both to break.”

Caroline was also really teary during Keith David’s (Anderson)’s performance where he tells Shepard she’s like his daughter. This moment was one of JHale’s favorites to act

BioWare came up with a proprietary VA recording system which JHale describes as a secret sauce as-yet not widely-used in the industry

Lots of fun in the line-reading portion at the end. The lines/scenes were sent in by fans. This starts around timestamp 1 hour 50 mins. There’s a break where they discuss more anecdotes after a bit then some line-reading resumes at 1 hour 59 mins 18 secs

"Salarian Vorcha Conrad Verner simmering sexual tension scene”

One of PW’s fondest memories is of ME3 when JHale and Mark got to play off each other (which they naturally didn’t get to do very much), when PW had shoved the entire script of the Blasto movie into random ambience throughout the Citadel. They knew Mark was going to be Blasto as he voiced most of the hanar. PW: “We had to have Blasto’s elcor partner’s hot sister... And I was like could it be JHale?? Because they hardly ever get to talk to each other. It was one of my proudest moments”. Mark: “Not only that, we had a romance.” JHale: “Yeah, it was hot”.

“Think of the poor cold freezing Edmontonian hanar”

PW’s story about Sam’s toothbrush: They wrote it as a throwaway line but AWR did it so well that PW wanted to bring it back in the Citadel DLC, as that DLC was the action-comedy one. So they decided the toothbrush was going to save the Normandy. The art director at the time was in an early playthrough of the scene and in that version of the scene Sam held up her empty hand. The director was like “We gotta make the toothbrush? Really? It’s gonna be thousands of dollars to render the toothbrush.” It then got to the next few lines and the director deadpanned at PW “Okay that’s pretty good, we’ll make the toothbrush.” PW: “Good, I got my toothbrush.”

It was John’s idea that we find out that Mordin had been working on a crime noir novel. There was a period in the development of the Citadel DLC where PW was feeling like “Mordin’s gone, he had his big moment, I want to respect and honor that” and the entire team were like “I think Mordin needs a couple more songs dude”. “Well alright!” By that point William had shown them he could deliver literally any line

“Oh I need a shower that was so steamy hot”

PW got in trouble with Localization over Jack’s “Save some of your energy, we’re gonna do it on the pool table” exchange. Localization were like “Um could you explain what Jack means by this??” These lines were PW’s, Karin as an editor got the question about it and passed it on to PW like “nope this is your fault”. “The best part is it was France that needed PW to explain the joke while apparently Germany were like ‘Yes please confirm that this is regarding the possibility of oral sex-’”

Keythe on voicing Thane: “Thane was a real lesson in opening up to the character, allowing this beautifully conflicted character to exist. Each character in the MET has conflicts within themselves and a tragic flaw that is revealed through the course of conflict.” He also waxed lyrical about how the MET was akin to Star Wars and Citizen Kane, and about the interconnectedness and representation in it

D. C.: “I have a question for you guys. Was it a conscious decision to not have Legion as a romance? Because there are a lot of upset people out there!!” “Voltage problems.” “A lot of creative reuses of ‘There was a hole.’” PW: “It was a process of us figuring out what we wanted to do. If we had known... The number of people who were like ‘I don’t know, are people gonna wanna romance Garrus? Liara? She’s blue and has no hair. Are people gonna be okay with that?” Karin: “We were young and naïve, now we know BioWare fans are thirsty.”

Derek brought in the first picture of Thane to show Caroline and she was like “He’s really hot, that’s gonna be a killer character. People are gonna want to romance that gentleman”

Raphael asked the BioWare team if there’s ever been a point where they thought about doing more DLC content or some kind of revival. “Has that ever come up?” “We’re legally obligated not to say, sorry, we’re going through a tunnel right now, bad reception!!”

D. C.: “Does this country have a soul?” “It does.”

“An N7 Day to remember! Go forth and heal.”

#bioware #mass effect #video games #lgbtq #feels #lul #garrus vakarian #best boy #please remember if you are a minor you should not be following me #a minor = under 18 #next mass effect

[hollowisthyname]

Hello, Icarus! Please infodump to me about Danganronpa?

okay so! I had written out a whole thing but then tumblr deleted it! so that was fun! /s but now that I know what I'm going to write it's much easier, so that's good 😌

n e ways, I'm gonna do like a basic timeline w explanations and some other stuff that hopefully I'll remember once I start writing!! so let's go :D

a list of everything danganronpa in chronological order (not the order that you should play/watch the stuff in, I'll put that in the explanations)

Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope's Peak High School - Despair Arc (DR3) - second anime, watch along with the Future and Hope arcs after playing the first two games (and UDG if you want to). backstory for the cast of the second game.

Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (THH) - first main game, play first. also has an anime that's basically the same as the game, but since there's not enough time to put everything from the game into the anime I definitely recommend playing the game. high school students from a prestigious school trapped in said school are forced to play a killing game, hijinks ensue.

Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls (UDG) - third game, not main. play after playing the first two games. very different game mechanics from the main three, and widely considered not cannon by the fandom. I like it though, and it introduces a lot of really interesting characters along with giving a v underdeveloped character from the first game a lot more character development. it's not necessary to play it (though one of the characters plays a pretty big part in the third anime, so that would make more sense if you already knew her), but I think it's interesting and fun. there are also robot fights.

Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair (DR2 or SDR2) - second main game, play after playing the first game. same basic premise as the first game, except it's a different class (same school though) and this time they're on an island. even more hijinks and plot twists than the first game.

Super Danganronpa 2.5: Komaeda Nagito to Sekai no Hakaimono - (I could only find the Japanese title for this one, sorry 😔) kinda also part of the second anime? watch after playing the first two games (and UDG if you want) and watching DR3. character is woken up from a coma via overdramatic and overpowered other character.

Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope's Peak High School - Future and Hope Arcs (DR3) - second anime, watch along with the Despair arc after playing the first two games (and UDG if you want to). aftermath of the first two games.

Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony (DRV3) - third main game, fourth game in total. I don't actually know when it happens bc they're v secretive about everything, so I'm just putting it last. play last. same premise as the first two, the class is trapped in a school with a courtyard and a huge sort of dome around everything. peak hijinks, too many plot twists to count.

woo!! that's the timeline as I know it, hopefully I didn't miss anything. and I have managed to remember what else I was going to say, so let's move on to section two:

the mechanics of the games

danganronpa is, at its core, a glorified visual novel. every character has a certain amount of sprites for when they talk, as well as voice lines that aren't usually the exact text on the screen but fit the vibe of whatever they're saying. and as I've said before, there's quite a lot of talking. these games have more plot than should really be possible and most or all of it is done through dialogue. cutscenes and class trials are the only parts that are reliably fully voice acted, but there are a lot of those.

as for the parts that are less visual novel-y: you can walk around, and the settings are pretty much as 3d as the 2d-ish style of the game allows. you can also click on things, and sometimes clicking on stuff will get you monocoins, the currency of the game, which means you'll be able to buy presents for the characters!!

"now why do I need presents for the characters?" you ask. well, that's because you're given a certain amount of free time each game to hang out with characters you want to get to know better! the game's ending is fixed, so you won't change the course of the game by who you do or don't hang out with, but you can learn more about characters and become closer to them! giving them presents they like makes them like you more :D

and the most exciting part of danganronpa, what a lot of people play the games for, the true lure of the game.... the class trials!!

so these characters are in a killing game, right? basically, they're faced with a sort of lose-lose predicament: stay trapped in the school forever, or kill one of your classmates to "graduate". but it's not as simple as that, because in order to graduate, you can't be caught. and how do you determine whether or not a criminal has been found out? well, a trial of course!

enter the class trials. every student (barring dead or severely wounded ones) is required to participate in a kind of mock trial- except someone's really dead, and they need to find the murderer or they'll all die too.

(right, did I forget to mention that? only one person can graduate. getting out alive insures that none of your classmates get the luxury of doing the same.)

so, yeah. the class trials are a true fight for life on both sides, because who ever loses will be executed.

and they're really, really fun.

entirely voice acted! enough minigames that the list of them is probably longer than this entire post! the joy of solving the mystery! the... execution, right in front of everyone.

hey, it's a dark game. not like they're trying to hide that. and the executions aren't actually all that gory most of the time, but they're still very much there and onscreen. also as close to fully animated as the games ever get, which is pretty cool.

so how the class trials work is this:

there's a murder. dun dun duuuun. you investigate everywhere related to the murder to get "truth bullets", which are the reason you don't immediately fail at the trials. you don't have to remember all of them, they're all written down in your e-handbook. plus, the protagonists all seem to have really good memories.

time for the actual class trial!! Monokuma (asshole bear running the killing game) introduces everything, explains the rules. and everyone starts talking.

there are a lot of different parts to the class trial, but most of it is "nonstop debates". everyone talks one after the other, and you have to find inconsistencies and shoot the right "weak spot" with the right truth bullet. you refute the lie or mistake and everyone goes back to arguing normally.

there's also hangman's gambit (weird hangman to find a key word), multiple choice things (self-explanatory), and plenty of others.

near the end of the trial (or sometimes only a little over halfway in, it varies), the killer will.... kind of become obvious. there's a specific kind of change in behavior that's the mark of the murderer in these games, but I'm not sure how to describe it exactly. a lot of times there's an accent change, and in general they start acting much more erratic. since it's a trial, though, even after this presents itself you still have to prove your case beyond reasonable doubt.

and once it's become clear to the killer that they're backed into a corner, you have to do the "bullet time battle". it goes by different names in different games, but the basic mechanics are the same: you battle against a student (usually the killer, but not always) in a rhythm-based battle where you have to click to the rhythm to refute your opponent's statements. once you've dealt enough damage, you shoot the final piece of evidence, and that's the end of it.

the murderers react differently different times. sometimes they break down and confess. sometimes they keep denying it. sometimes, they're just calm. however they act, though, the end is the same. they are caught and punished accordingly.

but before that, there's one more thing to do. the closing argument.

your final task is to explain how the murder was committed, from idea to execution (look, a pun! see I can be funny too 😌). and you have to do it... as a manga.

you don't have to draw the whole thing yourself ofc- you just have to fill in the missing panels and then watch as the protagonist narrates it to the rest of the class.

and that's all for the class trial, not counting the long talks after every execution while still in the courtroom.

wow, this is getting...... really, really long. there's only one more thing I'm gonna add, and I promise it will be much shorter than the other two bc it is late and I am officially Incredibly Fucking Tired.

with no further ado, a very short part three:

my general impression of the game. its vibes or smth, I dunno this is just what i think about it

when I first heard of danganronpa, I thought it was a horror game. I can now assure you that it is not. thriller? maybe. debatable. but definitely not horror.

and despite its extremely dark premise, this game is not all doom and gloom. there's so much stuff about hope, and overcoming despair even when it seems impossible... it's not exactly a happy game, but there's a lot more of that in there than you'd probably expect.

all in all, I love this game. so much. it means a lot to me, and I think it's a really good game. thanks for letting me talk about it so much asdhfd :D

#the turtle talks #icarus infodumps #danganronpa #i am so sorry #this is like an entire fucking essay lmao #it was so fun to write though #i will talk abt ocs next!!! #prolly not every day #bc as you can see #i tend to write A Lot #and that can be hard to keep up :( #but i will do it i promise!!!!! #never miss an opportunity to infodump abt them 😌 #tysm for this ask!! #i never get to talk this much asdgfs #if you want to infodump abt anything to me pls do!!!! #/gen /pos #i love listening to people #talk abt stuff they love :D #long post

[terramythos]

I beat Prey yesterday! here are the general thoughts i scribbled down. 

i thought the opening was super strong. When you break the glass on the apartment window? *chef's kiss*

i’ve never played system shock 2 but understand this is heavily influenced by it. I've played Bioshock though so I did pick up on some of the similarities by proxy.

generally I liked combat. In the first half it's pretty tense and survival horror-y and there's certainly a difficulty curve. I liked using limited resources and thinking up creative solutions to problems. 

However, most stuff became trivial halfway through. The shotgun is just busted after a couple upgrades. Once you know a surefire way to deal with each enemy type, the game gets pretty easy. from what I understand the difficulty settings do not affect this much (I played on normal). You can make the game more tedious, but not necessarily harder.

i wish there were more horror elements in the mid to late game. There are some genuinely great jump scares early on but they're basically gone past a certain point.

main quest in general was a treadmill of “go to point a, do x thing, oh no something stopped you from doing x thing, you need to go to point y and do b thing so you can go back and do x thing”. kind of disappointing; it mostly served as a way to get around and find more interesting stuff (with a few exceptions). i liked the side quests more. 

the voice acting was great. In particular, Benedict Wong's performance as Alex stuck out to me.

the visual and world design was fantastic, too. I think its impressive that Talos I had a unifying design but each area still felt distinct.

visually the Looking Glass stuff was super cool. I think that Arkane developed this with the time travel Dishonored 2 mission and it was cool there too.

there's an impressive amount of extra flavor. All of the art, audio logs, emails, books, and even the ability to explore a bit in space. Just cool details that helped make it all feel real and believable. It adds a lot.

i wanted neuromods to be more like the plasmids in bioshock. While they are the same thing story-wise, in game they function as a talent tree. And some just don’t make sense. Like... how would jamming 4 neuromods in my eye make me physically better at lifting stuff? Why is it an incremental skill I have to invest in 3 times? This makes a little more sense with the Typhon powers since those are basically magic, but not the Human ones.

the ending and some of the mid story is clearly rushed, although I'm glad there's more stuff after the credits.

despite the underwhelming endings (pre credits) I do think the developers put an impressive amount of thought into the circumstances various playthroughs would have surrounding them. I looked it up and there's a boggling number of variations on what's basically two endings.

startlingly few bugs! Just some clipping stuff for me, mostly.

there were some cool small details. I like that if you go someplace before the main story officially tells you to, January will act surprised that you knew ahead of time to go there for the next step. This only happened to me once (on accident), but I imagine it's fun for replays.  

SPOILER THOUGHTS BELOW THE CUT 

LOVE the meta commentary on identity and autonomy in video games. Morgan is a little different between each reset in the early simulation, even though theoretically that shouldn't be possible. Characters constantly compare you to the Morgan they knew, whatever that means to them. Morgan the player character is a silent protagonist. Morgan the narrative character has several audio and video logs from their past and multiple robots with their voice. More broadly, each player will play a video game differently, even if they make similar choices. So is any playable character the same person between playthroughs? Is the player character narratively that person, or are they simply a vehicle that reflects what the player wants? It's no "would you kindly" but it's still interesting. 

in theory i like the Nightmare. kind of a pyramid head type thing but more random. however there’s little incentive to defeat it and it’s easy to avoid, so it turned into a “wait for a 3 min timer to count down” simulator. also, if you accidentally spawn it in certain areas it can WRECK your ending (though it’s easy to reload). 

so the Big Twist hints were pretty heavy handed. I figured it out early. It occurred to me after the first level that if the tutorial was a simulation, anything could be, and that was basically the big twisterino. Stuff like January saying "well good thing you're not an alien" in a super ironic tone of voice made me laugh out loud. Also, I did the Obvious Bad Ending for shits and giggles and it spoiled the whole thing. Really wish it had just cut to black since you can access it early. This potentially ruins any shock value for a lot of people.

on some level I like that the ending explains away certain "plot holes". Probably the most obvious is Morgan not remembering any of their past, which is... not how the neuromod memory loss works. But of course they wouldn't remember it, because the player is a Typhon going through a simulation, not the real Morgan.

you can also view the ending from the perspective of humans desperately trying to convince an alien they're worth saving, despite some "bad actors" (read: war crimes in space). Hence the sometimes on-the-nose moral choices and optional side quests. Even the fact that Morgan and Alex are characterized as total assholes in the past-- yet Alex in game and post credits is gentle and compassionate. Perhaps Alex in real life is trying to atone for his mistakes?

i kept expecting mirrors to be relevant? The Phantoms whisper about "what you see in the mirror", promo material shows Morgan looking at themself in the mirror, the Looking Glass tech, and the fact that mirrors are all over the place and DO NOT actually reflect Morgan. Which isn't a technical limitation since the Looking Glass is a whole thing. There's the whole mirror neuron thing but that's such a tiny line of dialogue I'm not sure it matters. Have to wonder if this was a story concept that got cut. 

in a similar vein to "crap Phantoms say", there's a minor human character who just... says a bunch of Phantom lines in a row once you complete a quest. He’s seemingly unaware that he's echoing them. What was the purpose of this? Was this an abandoned plot thread? 

why wasn't Dahl a bigger part of the story? or Alex and Morgan's parents? I assume it's due to a time crunch, but it just feels like a missed opportunity.

small detail: I love that one of the main story quests has you fake someone's voice using audio logs, and someone MUCH later uses the same trick against you.

another small detail which I missed: flying out to the space billboard to get an early horror twist about the fucking escape pods. there are lots of little things like that all over the place. 

[mikauzoran]

Obligatory NY Special Reaction Post

Hi guys. Guess how I spent my morning. ^.^ That’s right. I watched the New York special in French and English. People seem to like reaction posts (?), so I decided to do one. ^.^

Overall, it was very cute. I liked it a lot. I actually liked the US heroes a lot too. I’m totally shipping Sparrow/Jess and Uncanny Valley/Aeon now. They’re adorable. ^.^ I don’t know if I’ll put the time into reading the comics, though. I’m not a big superhero comics fan (like, at all), so I don’t know if I’d like the comics.

Anyway. Now, on to the live reaction. ^.^

Mademoiselle Bustier says that her baby will be arriving soon, but she doesn’t look like she can be past her first trimester. I wonder if we’ll ever get to see the baby or her actually looking pregnant. I wonder whom she’s dating.

Are we going to talk about how Nathalie is bedridden? No? Okay. ;-;

The little arm wiggle Plagg does as he tries to convince Adrien to chillax and enjoy the trip to New York is the most precious thing. XD I also love how he’s such a bad influence on Adrien. Someone had to be.

Poor Luka. He’s so good. He can plainly see that nothing is going to come of his feelings for Marinette, but he’s still such a good friend to her. Kudos to him. I’ve had people act like my friend before because they were interested in me romantically, and then when I just wanted to be friends, they dropped me, so I can really appreciate Luka just actually being Marinette’s friend for real.

I am really surprised. Why doesn’t Chloé want to go to New York? I’m sure she’s been before what with her mother working in fashion, but why wouldn’t she want to go with the class? Is she just too cool to be seen having fun?

I love Marinette. Sitting next to her “husband--boyfriend!--FRIEND!”

Part of me is sad about the way they’ve characterized Alya. :/ I don’t like her pushing Marinette and teasing her about being romantic with Adrien when Marinette is trying to move on and just be Adrien’s friend. I can see why Alya wants Marinette and Adrien to end up together, and I can see why she wants Marinette to be honest about how she actually feels about Adrien because Marinette is definitely in denial, but I think Marinette has the right idea about just trying to be Adrien’s friend. I think that’s the best road, to just be friends and let something romantic happen on its own if it’s going to happen. Like I said above, I’ve had people befriend me only because they were interested in me romantically, and I can imagine Adrien feeling hurt if he thought Marinette was only being nice to him because she had a crush on him. It’s not a nice feeling when you find out someone only tried to get close to you because they wanted something from you. Adrien has enough of that with his fanbase. So, I think Marinette has the right idea to focus on being his friend. I don’t like that Alya is ignoring what Marinette is saying and trying to push her. I get that she does it because she wants Marinette to be happy and hates to see her friend floundering, but I think it’s a poor characterization choice on the part of the creators. It doesn’t make Alya feel like a good friend, and that makes me sad. I love Alya and feel like she has a lot of potential, but the creators don’t always let her live up to it.

But I love Nino and Alya’s idea for “Operation New York”. XD I love that Nino adores Adrien and wants to help him come out of his shell. ^w^

Okay. Uncanny Valley is a really cute, clever name. Google it. The “uncanny valley” is actually a concept that as robots become more humanlike, they become more appealing and we have more of an emotional reaction to them...up to the point where they become too humanlike and it freaks us out. The drop-off point where it’s suddenly unsettling is the “uncanny valley”.

I love how psyched Alya is about all the superheroes. She’s so cute to watch nerd-out.

I also love the kind of “found family” of two superhero lesbians and the daughters they’ve adopted/built. It was a small part of the movie, but it was really precious.

I’m not sure what Adrien is looking at as Nino directs his attention out the window. XD As Alya points unsubtly at Marinette. I think Adrien still misses the point.

Also, “Les petits croissants sont en bus.” Thank you, Sparrow. I think that’s one of my favourite lines in the movie. XD

Also, Marinette having trouble with automatic doors and Adrien’s impressive side lunge to catch her. Beautiful.

I love Jess being resentful of having to keep an eye on “the French tourists and their socks”. And Aeon vowing to protect them...AND their socks. The socks make me really happy. XD

Awww. I’m so happy that Sabrina gets a love interest!!! She deserves good things. I feel sorry for her most of the time.

I love Nino’s face as he watches Adrien and Marinette trying to give each other the whole hot dog. He’s like, “Seriously, Mec? It’s a good thing I’m here to help you.” And then he’s so happy when his “chick” finally learns to fly. XD

I actually like this version of the slow dance song. The original is a little too cliché and cheesy, but I like this version. I also like that it’s Adrien who asked Marinette to dance.

Nino and Alya are adorable. As are Ivan and Mylène. I adore how he lifts her up off the ground to dance with her. Also, Juleka and Rose. My girls! They’re so cute!

I love how into the whole “get Marinette and Adrien together” scheme Jess gets. ...Because it’s more entertaining than watching socks. XD

Do you guys look at license plates? I do. I’m wondering how Gabriel is in a Tsurugi vehicle in New York. :/ Do the Tsurugis have a business empire in a lot of different countries? When Adrien met Kagami, it seemed like that was the first time they had ever come in contact with one another. It wasn’t like, “Oh, yeah. Our families are old friends. I’ve heard of your existence but never met you in person before”. It seemed like the first time they had become cognizant of the other’s existence period in Riposte. How is Gabriel getting the Tsurugis to let him borrow a car in New York? It sounded like Gabriel wasn’t going to New York openly because he said something about hiding his absence from Adrien...but he told Madame Tsurugi he was going to New York and asked to borrow a car? What?

I feel really bad for Chat Noir getting chewed out by Ladybug like that. ;-; Like, we know how bad he felt about coming, but he doesn’t get a chance to explain himself because they’re caught up in the battle. And you can tell how much he’s impacted by her reaction. He’s really thrown off his game, really shaken by her anger and the loss of her trust. Poor baby.

And him saying goodbye to Plagg and giving up his Miraculous was just heartbreaking.

I love how easily Jess is convinced to do things by Aeon. It’s so cute. It’s like one minute she’s like, “We can’t do this!” and Aeon is like, “Yes we can.” and then Jess is like, “Yeah. You’re right. Let’s do this thing.” They’re adorable to watch.

I don’t really like Jess’s costume as Eagle, though. It’s kind of...really stereotypical. :/

I also don’t like how Gabriel is turning into such a cliché cartoon villain. Like “All the Miraculouses will be mine!” What? Um...because you want to get your wife back...right? Not because you’ve become drunk on power and just want more power, right? Like, it feels like he’s completely lost sight of his goal. I prefer my bad guys complex and redeemable. I like to be able to understand why they’re doing what they’re doing. Gabriel has seemed like he’s really lost himself lately, though.

I really liked that Adrien’s classmates made a banner for him so that he’d feel loved and missed at the end. I love it when they do sweet things like that for him because he really needs it.

(In case you were wondering, I didn’t notice any big differences between the French version and the English version. That made me really happy. There were a couple slight differences in the nuances of some word choices, but it was very much a slight thing that didn’t change the meaning of the lines in an appreciable way. Pretty much throughout the whole thing the dialogue was word-for-word translated from French to English. Most of the lines were exactly the same, so I feel really good about that.)

All together, I really liked this. It was sweet and fun. There were a lot of good moments. I was skeptical about it at first, but it turned out to be a really good story, and the creative team did a great job with the pacing and character development. Well done, team!

#Adrinette #Adrienette #Miraculous Ladybug #Miraculous Ladybug New York Special #Miraculous World New York Les Héros Unis #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Adrien Agreste #Chat Noir #Nino Lahiffe #Alya Césaire #Nathalie Sancoeur #Gabriel Agreste #Live Reaction #Uncanny Valley #Sparrow #Plagg

[x0401x]

Hi there! Just want to thank you so much for translating for the VE fandom! I've been looking through your VE posts and noticed you mentioned how anime!Gil is completely different from LN!Gil. I agree with you and was wholeheartedly disappointed in the anime. I was hoping you could elaborate more on your thoughts, where you thought anime!Gil and anime!Violet went wrong and how they were different from the anime. Sorry if you've already made a post on this previously. Thanks again!

Hi! You’re welcome!

This reply took me long enough, lol. I haven’t gone too much into detail, or else I’d just end up writing a bible. It still turned out long as hell, though, so I’ve put it under a cut.

I really didn’t know how to begin with this. “Where they went wrong” kinda implies that those two were going right until some point, and that’s just… not the case. They were a trainwreck from start to finish. And it’s kind of impossible to really discuss this without touching upon the massive fails in the writing of the entire show. It does try to convey important messages to the viewers, but mostly with visuals and repetitive lines, never with the actual plot or the characters. You get an inkling of what the story was attempting to do with them, and that initial idea is what seems to stay with most people, because there’s nearly nothing beyond it.

As director Ishidate has stated more than once before, he made changes to the story because he thought the novel was, in his words, “too orthodox”. But watering it down meant watering the characters down too, Gil and Violet more than anyone else. And this results in a show that ironically fails to grasp its own themes and cast — the personalities and conflicts get lost in the details and have to be patched up with excuses that end up displaying how little the show trusts its own audience. It keeps spelling out plot devices and character traits in an almost robotic manner, with very scarce effort put into actually showcasing them in the situations and dialogues. Everyone is too one-dimensional and the main plot line is repeated over and over instead of being alluded in parallels or even just slightly more intelligent exchanges. Animators like Ishidate have grown dangerously used to committing a grave narrative suicide: to give vague and unconvincing reasons for things to be the way they are and expect the audience to take it all as is simply because it was stated there. Everything is oversimplified because they clearly want the viewers to get invested in the emotional baggage of the show, and only the emotional baggage, because they think that’s all we get invested on. They forget that details are necessary for the whole experience.

These problems are recurrent in Violet and Gil, and they never stop. I’ll start with Gil, since he was mentioned first.

Gilbert Bougainvillea is a very complex, humane and multi-faceted character in the novel. What’s interesting is that he doesn’t look like it at first, so he surprised many readers in volume 1 with how caring and endearing he can be. And I mean caring for real. Anime!Gil seemed like a poor excuse for what he was supposed to represent, which in turn made him into a walking contradiction. In the novel, Gil is by far the person that emphasizes the most with Violet, because the two of them are two sides of the same coin. This is where the anime falls short most frequently. They at first look like polar-opposites, but are absolutely not, yet the show portrays them as such. Novel!Gil is gratuitously kind and righteous, and he’s brave and pure-hearted enough to stand by his values no matter what. He’s used to giving up everything for the sake of other people, but he has morals that he holds to the roots of his very being, so he always chooses to donate himself to what he deems as good causes. And once he has his mind set on an objective, he doesn’t mind playing dirty to achieve it, as long as he’s not hurting anyone. That’s exactly the same as Violet, and Gil isn’t the only one who sees himself in her — Hodgins and Dietfried also notice how alike the two are. Novel!Gil relates to Violet on a spiritual level, and he knows first-hand how she must feel. He’s been there and done that. And that’s why she’s his number one priority. His purpose in life is to protect her and keep her in a healthy lifestyle within a blessed working environment and a loving family. Quite literally, all he wants is to make sure that she’s happy, and he’s active and vocal about it. He’s also an unapologetic and unabashed feminist, so he completely approves of her doing anything for a living — she doesn’t need to live her life like an ordinary woman and whatever she wants for herself is fine, as long as it’s not too dangerous.

Apparently, his personality is one of the book aspects that Ishidate believed to be “too orthodox”. He depicts Gil the way you’d expect any male creator to depict a man — a brooding martyr figure who only has a heart of gold in fleeting moments that get replayed again and again in flashbacks to serve as justification for Violet’s undying love. He makes very little strides and there’s a lot of flawed reasoning behind his affection that makes it oddly disconnected, which is the fact that said affection is barely ever there. Gil hardly treats Violet like a person, let alone an equal. Violet is ready to give her life for him anytime, and as we see in the last battle at Intense, he’s ready to cling onto that to save his own life. Ishidate doesn’t shy away from making very evident that he thinks it’s okay for Gil to do only the minimum to earn Violet’s respect and trust, like it’s a given and all he’s required in order to earn her love is to exist. This is very visible in scenes like the one where they first met. Gil seems to shield Violet from the abuse of his brother, but shows next to no distress or even interest over it as he doesn’t even question where she came from or why Dietfried was treating her that way. There’s also the scene where he takes her to one of his family’s residences, and she has his jacket on, just like in the novel… yet he’s letting her walk barefoot in the snow without giving a single flying fuck. He then leaves her side as soon as he instructs the maid what to do with her, not looking back. I also hate that scene where he gets back home and she bumps into him and falls on her butt. He just stares at her and makes no effort to help her back up. But the one I hate the most is that festival scene where he nearly thanks Violet for fighting so well in battle. I mean, she’s killing people for him. She, a literal child, is in the frontlines of a long-lasting war, risking her life and committing mass murder for his sake. That’s literally nothing to be grateful for. Especially not when he’s supposed to love her. And I despise that he only stopped himself from finishing the phrase because he noticed the bruises on her.

Another major defect of the anime was changing Gil’s backstory. Anime!Gil was, by the looks of it, just a rich kid who enlisted simply because that’s the family tradition. And if you take away Gil’s backstory, you take away the viewers’ reason to empathize with him. Why? Because that means he’s morphed into someone who can make choices. Erase any factor that binds Gil to doing what his family and his superiors make him do, and what you have is a grown man with his free will intact. And he uses none of it to help Violet. Anime!Gil was always given the opportunity to say no. He could’ve said no to Dietfried and sent Violet straight to the Evergardens, he could’ve said no to his superior officer and not taken her into the military, or he could’ve at least said no to assigning her to the men’s troops. He didn’t because there would be no story otherwise. Novel!Gil is always attempting to save Violet from the war and from herself, while anime!Gil’s actions beg to differ. And so, anime!Violet’s obsession with Gil stems from the fact that he was the first to treat her remotely like a human being and that, for a long time, he was all she had. None of that fate thing, because it’s also “too orthodox”. But without the fate element and without Gil having no control whatsoever over how he feels about Violet, he’s straight-up a pedophile. If he feels regular romantic love for Violet, who is in her mid-teens, that’s pedophilia right there. This one is my biggest beef with anime!Gil, and I don’t take criticism for it.

Now Violet. Not to be rude, but I see so many people talk about how interesting her anime counterpart is, yet I rarely ever see anyone going in-depth on it. It’s like the way the fans talks about the show. Literally every single person who comments that they liked it always says the exact same thing: “I cried during every episode”. I sort of feel like most of them are just reproducing what they see other people say out there, which is probably what got them interested in watching it in the first place. I don’t mean this with ill-intent; it’s just seriously the impression I get from looking at the tag. I’ve accompanied it since the novel came out all the way back in 2015, and when the show was running, believe it or not, I didn’t really see much of those comments. It started becoming a habit to say it after episode 10, which seems to be the highest-rating episode (the irony being that it was the closest the anime ever got to the novels). Hence why it feels to me like some people just say it on automatic, and I get the same vibe from the fans of anime!Violet.

I’ll just be blunt here: the main difference between anime!Violet and canon!Violet is that canon!Violet was made to be liked by girls and women, and anime!Violet was made to be liked by men. I have already said this before, but Violet is the very definition of independent professional woman in the novel. She’s educated, confident, strong, reliable, altruistic and overall well-versed in at least a little bit of everything. Half of it is due to luck and half of it is her own merits, but all in all, she was created not just to be relatable but also a character that people could look up to. Meanwhile, anime!Violet was clearly made to be waifubait.

I can’t really stress how little thought was actually put into her portrayal and development. We never truly see her internalizing the lessons that she supposedly learns in each of the self-contained episodes. We only ever witness her displaying sudden significant hints of emotion at convenient times, paired to her either repeating what she was told earlier by one of the characters or taking an extremely obvious conclusion to a question that was already half-answered by someone else. Because of this, Violet’s growth process has an unsteady pacing in the anime and mostly feels disjointed. In comparison, novel!Violet is usually not the point of view — she’s often in the role of observer, and we notice through the solutions she comes up with for her clients’ issues that she does have a very humane connection with them. We also notice through the clients’ opinions on Violet that she shows subtle changes at certain specific points, such as smiling just a little when she manages to not only accomplish her duties but also help solve their problems. This makes her more real and believable because, unlike the anime, it presents no abrupt alteration to the essence of her person. She’s growing in her own way, but it’s still easy to tell. It’s also very clever to have Violet be disliked or misunderstood by her clients at first because she’s so aloof and apathetic-looking, but then she grows on them after they actually understand her, and the readers can absorb that from them. I’ve seen many people complain that they can’t really empathize with anime!Violet, but in the novel, the author takes care not to let this happen, and it really doesn’t.

What upsets me the most is that anime!Violet is overly infantilized. We all know that director Ishidate loves her like a father loves a daughter; it’s been said by himself and his colleagues quite a lot. That’s cute and all, but it made her depiction extremely shallow. The biggest problem was making her 14 in the anime. I still struggle to understand what would’ve been so bad with keeping her as a 17-year-old. Sum that up with removing many of her merits and adding forceful childish traits, such as being okay with changing clothes anywhere in front of anyone or pouting when she’s frustrated, and you have the perfect recipe of what waifu junkies like to be spoon-fed with. In my opinion, anime!Violet was a downgraded tragic heroine played in a cheap and boring way to attract tearjerker lovers.

I hope this has covered enough of my take on the matter. ✌️

#violet evergarden #gilbert bougainvillea

[neocityfics]

2096: Zodiac

Chapter: Prologue < ❝  Chapter 1 ❞  > Chapter 2

➥ Chapter List

Genre: Cyberpunk inspired, mafia-esque, not-so dystopian, angst, slow-burn

Pairing: Doctor! Taeyong x Reader

Warnings: Moderate cursing, mention of death, vague description of surgical practice, being held at gunpoint

▶ Ambience

Pearl Park is packed with patients. Rarely do I take weekend shifts or visit on Saturdays, but a certain someone left early for additional hours at the clinic. I couldn’t help but follow him especially after yesterday’s events. The thoughts would not let go, an unpleasant growth at the back of my mind. It’s hard to know if I can trust him right now. I need more answers. Last night, he barely gave details, only rambling about how he had to wake up at ungodly hours for today. As difficult as it was, I urged him to go to bed to leave him alone. My own state of being was, and still is, disturbed by what I saw. The intricate design of circuit lines running down in strategic pathways down his arm, the broken-up metallic plates that replaced muscle, the seamless transition from a human shoulder to a mechanical limb, fingers cold to the touch. Something out of The Terminator movies.

There’s something odd about making myself wake early to get ready and coming after Lucas. Saturdays are for sleeping in, I always say to myself, a day to rest. Nevertheless, here I am slowly trailing behind him as he steers through the countless turns on the way to work. His thin light blue scrub stood out against the brown puffy jacket, making it easy to keep my distance without losing track of him. The pit began to form in stomach again. Please, let the destination be Pearl Park, nowhere bizarre. Whoever did whatever to his arm must have a reason to pick on Lucas. Granted he’s very strong and healthy, he’s the perfect candidate... for what? To become a government experiment? No, hopefully not. The top couldn’t give a damn about us, but when it comes to picking on the less fortunate to go farther with their lives in luxuries and power, they do so in under a heartbeat. If they have hearts, that is. It doesn’t make sense though, why would they want to make cyborgs? Or what if some random person just wanted to try their hand in robotics. Some grand experiment in trying to take over the world? Maybe I’ve watched too many sci-fi movies. The endless possibilities thoroughly occupied my head-- but that train of thought comes to a halt when I bump into the clinic’s entrance. Pressing a hand to my forehead and the other hand on the door handle, I steady myself. I’m already here?

Spotting the familiar scrub rounding the corner, I come close behind only to see Dr. Lee shoot a glare at Lucas. “You’re late,” the doctor’s voice raises sternly, “I expect better next time. We have important things to do later.” Later? My shoulders tense. It must mean he won’t join me for dinner with Sicheng. I wonder what kind of work Dr. Lee means. The doctor in question beckoned Lucas, in the middle of removing his coat, towards a darkened room meant for surgery. I sometimes clean equipment in that room, so it doesn’t make sense to meet in there when the clinic has designated meeting rooms. The two men walk inside and the door closes shut, and I stand there baffled. Hoping I could get by without looking suspicious, my feet slowly move closer to the room. All staff members seem busy with other things, some not sparing a glance as they rush stretchers to rooms. Thanks to that, no one questioned my actions, but it still feels risky. My body sticks tightly to the wall as I lend an ear towards the room. Taking a peek would be risky since my head would be visible and blocking light from outside, so I keep quiet and attempt to eavesdrop on their conversation, but to no avail. The bustling clinic muffles the dialogue between Lucas and Dr. Lee. Giving up, I relocate myself to the reception desk where I know they leave out a bowl of candies and chocolate for visitors. A little burst of serotonin never hurt anyone. Right?

▶ Ambience

As I work on a candy of choice in my mouth at a bench near the entrance, Lucas walks close to the reception desk and stops when he notices my presence. For a split second, his expression was shrunken in discomfort. Yet, in a flash, he paints that goofy smile to replace the former visage. “When did you get here? Did you even have breakfast? It’s not even 7:00am,” he shouts despite him standing a couple of meters away. Though embarrassing as it is to see annoyed nurses and doctors look our way, it’s nice to see his fun side come out despite the tension between us remaining thick.

“I’m just here to chat, you know, talk with some of my coworkers. See if anyone wants to hang out after their hours are done. I don’t really have anything else to do,” I lie through my teeth. I could be sleeping, but there’s too much I want to ask about your fucking cyborg arm, is the reality of my purpose here. But obviously, this is a public space, he’s working a job, and this is slowly becoming to feel like an obsession. The last thing I want is to worry about nothing, but I couldn’t help myself. Lucas is starting become more suspicious, I can’t lose him to something dangerous. Without thinking, I stare at his left arm. He’s wearing another long-sleeved shirt under his scrub to hide his arm. Realizing my intense gaze on him, Lucas takes long steps to the bench and sits down next to me, ensuring that his human arm nudged my left arm. It’s definite that he’s uncomfortable. “Sorry.” He shakes his head and lets out a hearty laugh.

A couple of pats on the top of my head remind me of my stiff posture to which I reply by relaxing. Lucas knows how to comfort others. He would’ve been a great doctor. Succeeding him clearing his throat, he softens his tone, “I’ll be at Sicheng’s tonight after my shift. I’ll only have half an hour to eat until I have to go somewhere. Tomorrow, I promise, I’ll tell you everything, but today isn’t a good time.”  A pause ensues, the both of us holding our gaze at each other until Lucas breaks out in a grin again. “I’ll pay for dessert, too. My treat!” Nothing like paying for my snacks. There’s no way to win against this man and his kind heart. A short moment passes by after I scan his face. I scoff at his comment, mumbling a ‘fine’ while a laugh escapes and my smile matches his. Just as he opens his mouth as if to say more, a nurse hurries to Lucas asking him to help with getting clean water and towels for a pregnancy in one of the rooms. He leaves immediately after shooting me a gentler smile, my own quickly reciprocating it. There goes Lucas again, I think to myself. But as swiftly as Lucas left, another figure of interest comes into sight at the front desk. And here comes Dr. Lee.

On the inside, I want to trust him. From what all the nurses and staff tell me, he’s a top notch doctor from the best medical university in Seoul who decided to leave South Korea for Japan to join one of the Tokyo hospital teams. Things obviously didn’t turn out so well after 2094, and he’s stuck here in Pearl Park. He seems to be well-off, too, showing up in designer brands you’d see before the disaster. Makes you wonder how such talent ended up in the ruins. Though I feel bad for him as I do with Lucas and his crushed dream, the inexplicable hatred in me keeps expanding and it has everything to do with that damn robot arm. Since last night, it’s been taking up all the space for thought, eating away at me. I wouldn’t have woken up before 7:00am and walked all the way to the clinic if this never happened. Nevertheless, the surreal circumstances in front of me are reality. I suppose now’s my chance to wring out any more information of Dr. Lee since my Saturday schedule is free of activity. It might be best to avoid Lucas for answers given how he dodges my questions regardless of the well-known fact that my curiosity is ultra strong. The first thing to pop up in my brainstorm is the document storage room on the second floor. As an employee of a not so high-end clinic, it’ll be easy to get in. Staff won’t question me going through the second floor and security’s a joke. Of course, there are possibilities of getting caught especially trying to read classified or private information, but it’s worth the risk if I can start to understand Lucas’s situation.

I take to the staircase leading up to the second level, a quick minute up to another floor busy with patients. Today, it seems a lot of them have either a cold or a broken bone, judging by swarm of people by the x-ray room accompanied by the continuous symphony of sneezing and sniffling. Eyeing the room at the end of the hall and taking in a long breath in, I casually make way to the door, weaving through nurses pushing wheeled beds. This hallway is long, I tell myself as clinic members make beelines toward their next destinations and form a difficult sea. Before reaching the door, I peak over my shoulder at the other employees. No one seems to be suspicious, and no Dr. Lee anywhere. Perfect, too perfect. A sign next to the door reads “Staff Only,” making me feel better about what I’m doing. Assistants are considered staff, right? The musty smell of old papers and cigarettes of the room cause me to cough a little. I wonder where to even start when there’s hundreds of files stored in here. It could take all day to thumb through all of these files. Luckily for me, the file cabinets are labeled with categories, albeit some oddly named like pets. I don’t think we have a veterinarian sector or have partnership with one. After a few minutes scanning all the potential cabinets, one catches my eye. Medical staff, the label reads. Dr. Lee’s file must be in there, and to my delight, he was indeed part of the records.

▶ Ambience

With a small gulp, I pull out the bulky, tattered folder as the other files begin to expand and fill the now empty space in the cabinet. Curiosity leads my widened eyes to glide across this important folder containing a book of history and records for each staff member. Confidential. Maybe I’m in here, and Lucas, too, except this seems to be an older record. We probably didn’t make the cut because it only contains Pearl Park medical staff that have been serving for a long time, from before the disaster, in this folder.  Flipping to a table of contents on the inside of the cover, I search for Dr. Lee’s name under Orthopaedic Surgeons towards the back of the pages. That’s definitely him from 2093, a year before the disaster. Handsome, frankly, but ugly for what I assume he’s doing to Lucas. With all fibers of my being, I swear this man is my enemy. Realizing I’ve been holding in my breath for a while, I let out some air and try to release the tightness in my muscles. I continue reading.

Lee Taeyong. Born July 1st, 2071-- he’s the around the same age as me at 25 years old. Graduated from an international high school in 2087. Graduated from a top Seoul university with a PhD in Biomedical Sciences in 2092. So he was done with high school at 16 and university at 21. Started Pearl Park 2093 as a starting job, and of course he still works here due to the disaster. Quite a remarkable career especially having an average of 426 surgeries a year since he started at this clinic. Absolutely phenomenal... that’s at least a thousand surgeries so far, depending on how 2094 impacted his work. Though so young, he certainly has the experience and professionalism to perform surgeries that could’ve been life or death. So perhaps he really is a force to be reckoned with, not some random scientist who just wants to fool around with an experiment. Especially with human life. With this information at hand, there must be a reason behind turning Lucas into some type of mechanical entity. Scrunching my face as my thoughts go into overdrive, I try to come up with a conjecture on this man’s motives. Do I go the route of the worst or the best case scenario? My session of attempted reasoning suddenly ceases as a booming voice hits against the door of the room. I’m not sure what he’s saying, but I burst into action as I rip out Dr. Lee’s page, shove the folder back into the cabinet sloppily, and hide myself behind a tall cabinet away from the door. At the sound of a loud click, I still my whole body, frozen as I listen for any more noise. The door seems to close behind the person with a loud thud. Instant recognition. The person’s voice is, with no doubt, Dr. Lee.

“Why don’t they clean this piece of shit room up, it’s a fucking dump in here... Let’s see.” The opening and closing file cabinets, shuffling papers, and soft, incoherent mumbling permeates the room. No more than a few minutes and he leaves. Before I move from my position, I puff my cheeks and push out the air from holding my breath again for what felt like eternity. Making sure for another thirty seconds that absolutely no one is there, I come away from my hiding spot and examine the medical staff’s cabinet. There’s one more thing that should be checked-- if my file and Lucas’s are in there. If we do have a record and his is missing, this could be an issue and a surefire sign I can’t trust Dr. Lee. Leafing through the files again, to my surprise, there is an updated 2095 folder towards the back of the cabinet for newer medical staff. Pearl Park isn’t considered a big professional clinic to come to. It’s dingy at best, so this comes a bit of a shock. I’d been expecting no records after the disaster as the clinic is critically understaffed. Teeth grasp at my bottom lip, my hands hovering over the binder cover. Here we go. After turning many, many pages, I find the Assistants page and see our names. My file doesn’t look like much as it contains basic information, when my shifts are, and the duties I originally had appointed to me when I started working. According to the list of all employee names, Lucas should be in here, supposedly a few pages after mine. Wong Yukhei. However, there is only remnants of paper stuck to the binder’s rings

Dr. Lee ripped his page out.

▶ Ambience

It feels strange to act like everything’s normal. Here I am, sitting next to Sicheng and Lucas as we make fun of pissy customers at Electric Egg and laughing ourselves silly. While our outside conversation makes me feel a little more at ease, the fact that Lucas’s information could be used for no good is begging to be released from my thoughts. I want to spill so much at this very moment with Lucas right here, but dragging Sicheng into this mess isn’t necessary. I’ll have to wait until dinner is done. Lucas distributes his tea eggs between the three of us, and we devour them before he has to leave for, well, whatever he needs to go to. Now’s my chance. As Lucas stands, I raise my voice, “I’ll stay behind with Sicheng for a bit. Come back home safely.” He beams at my comment, patting me on the back to comfort me. Without another word, he heads out of the street, turning the corner as Sicheng and I watch his shape slowly disappear. Sicheng taps me on the hand to get me to stop spacing out.

Sicheng takes on a soothing tone as he expresses his concern, “You sure you’re okay? You’ve been spacing out randomly...” Through the slightly sweaty bangs from cooking all day, I take in his worried face. Tilting his head after a moment of no response, he sighs. “I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but you’re not this quiet with us. You can tell me what’s wrong.” I nod, my eyes holding their focus on the table where the last tea egg lies.

“I can’t tell you anything more than except...” I delay the rest of what I want to say, I wasn’t without doubt if I should even bring up the conundrum. But alas, the bottled up information in me needed some form of freedom from my system. I decide it may be alright to let him know what’s happening at the surface of it all. “There’s something odd going on between Lucas and one of the doctors at the clinic. I can’t shake off the bad feeling I’m having, and I don’t mean to be nosy. But Lucas is important and I want to make sure he’s okay. You know he’s typically an open book, but I can’t read him anymore.” That was a lot to knock out of me, but to have someone else see why I’m so worried creates some kind of validation for the emotions rushing through my head. I realize how selfish I sound. I shrink into myself, waiting for Sicheng to say something. Anything.

Instead of silence, he scoots his chair closer to mine and I force myself to hold in a laugh because of the embarrassment from the loud noise. “I’m sure he has his reasons. You, him, and I. We’ve been friends for a couple of years now, Lucas isn’t the type to just leave anyone hanging without reason. Whatever it is, we need to be patient with him. As for you, you need to let things be from time to time.” He sits up straighter, leans forward, and continues, “You work hard with two jobs. Take care of yourself first and foremost. He’s his own person, you are your own. Don’t add to your mountain of stress.” Those are words I needed to hear, though they hurt. This whole idea that my best friend is turning into a cyborg seems to be a big deal, but for the sake of Sicheng’s safety, I can’t disclose that. Nonetheless, it does feel a bit... obsessive in retrospect. It’s a complicated state of affairs, and I don’t think Sicheng would be able to follow. It’s a see-for-yourself kind of deal. Not at all blaming him, his heart is in the right place. I give a simple head-shake, turning my attention to the last tea egg again. Gingerly, I pick it up and hand it to him.

His eyes open up in confusion. I let out the repressed laugh from earlier, a little heartier than I expected. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to dump this all on you. And I’ll work on focusing on myself more, you’re right. Lucas is a grown person, he can act on his own and tell me when he’s ready.” Sicheng loosens up, his hand extending to take the tea egg cupped in my hand. After taking a small bite, he gleams a big and toothy smile. As thanks, he lets me have the rest of the treat as one of the other employees at Electric Egg call for him to come back and work the stall.

▶ Ambience

Removing himself from his seat to stand up, he delicately flicks my forehead. He bids me a good night and says, “Take it easy, okay? It’s still Saturday, go get some sleep or go dance in your room, whatever it is you do these days.” We both send each other a tender laugh before parting ways. With a goodbye, I get up from my seat and head towards the direction of the apartment. It’s all smiles walking for a few minutes, reflecting on Sicheng’s words. My body felt a little lighter from releasing at least a small portion of my feelings. It starts to drizzle, a feeling I’ve always liked in Neostone but never when it pours too hard-- especially without an umbrella. I reach the last corner leading to my place when a downpour manifests. At the ping of my pocket, I quickly reach for my phone and take cover under a nearby entryway into a convenience store. Shit. Acid rain right now? My thumb gravitates to my messages. I should text Lucas and Sicheng to make sure they’re okay. I call Sicheng first to see if he’ll pick up. He does, sending a wave of relief through me as he says he’s safe in the closest store. On the other hand, Lucas did not pick up. I’m starting to wonder if this will be the new normal from now on. Panicking a bit, I text him and hope for the best, that he’s somewhere safe from the rain. The rain today is sort of acidic, I got an alert on my phone. Make sure you’re in a building. Send. We both keep the read receipts on, so if he doesn’t respond but sees my text, I might have to scold him the next time I see that annoying guy. I shove my phone back into my pocket and promptly took out the piece of paper that holds Dr. Lee’s information. I gawk at it, contemplating why I ever took it, and look back up. Fuck.

Staring in disbelief, the world around me slows. Cars pass by in slow motion and the neon signs twinkle in harmony by blending together. It’s the very same apartment establishment listed in the file. It’s a bit fancier than ours, which makes sense. Dr. Lee makes a bit more money than the rest of us. Fuck what Sicheng said, I need to see what’s happening with that suspicious doctor. Without further ado, I trudge through the acid rain, though I know it stings a little on my skin. It’s not too bad. Taxi cabs flip their middle fingers up at me, passersby calling out to warn or scold me, all while I snake through the lines of vehicles and cuss words thrown all around. The crackle of bright neon flicker crescendos as I come closer. Finally, I step foot onto the other side of the street, finding a heightening urge to find out the truth. Inside the lobby, the interior also seems to hold more life and care in it. This is definitely a more well-off micro-apartment complex than the one Lucas and I live in. The receptionist greets me warmly, a stark contrast from the subtle waves from the one we have. She doesn’t seem to question where I’m going or if I needed help, however, so I come to the staircase and take myself up to the tenth floor-- a very long way up.

▶ Ambience

Good grief, that was worse than the staircase at ours, I complain in my head, heaving heavy breaths as my feet begin to feel sore. I’ve reached the top. The address claims that Dr. Lee lives in room 1027. The gold colored plates on doors boast numbers in a sophisticated font, ascending as I progress the halls. Here it is. I approach the door, careful not to be any louder than I am right now, and I press an ear on the door. Muffled voices, one of them has to be Lucas. I can recognize his deep voice from a mile away. He has a tendency to mumble if he talks for too long, words becoming muddled. It’s like when he’s tired from work and almost crashes in my room, talking nonsense until I finally kick him out. From my pocket, I pull out a couple of paperclips and begin to bend them. Sicheng taught me this trick when we stole a bottle of painkillers from one of the pharmacies in Neostone’s uptown. One of my friends got injured during a fight between food stalls, and we were desperate to help him out. These kinds of skills really help out in this kind of life though I never imagined it was going to be this way. Click, click, click. The soft pop of the lock makes my heart race, and not in a pleasant way. Carefully, I turn the knob and push, using all the strength in my body not to cause a ruckus with my entrance. The sound of an electric drill becomes more apparent as the door swivels to give way to the apartment. It’s a lie when I said it’s a bit fancier. It’s way more lavish with a retro-futuristic style with warm colored furniture and decorations. There has to be some reason Dr. Lee can afford to continue living here since Pearl Park isn’t the biggest clinic and is located in quite a rough area. They don’t pay employees much, only an ample amount to get by with food and shelter. Maybe he was able to get a lot of money before the disaster happened. Enough with the admiration, I thought we’re past the need for capitalism, I reprimand myself. 

There’s no Dr. Lee or Lucas in the parlor, but the whine of the drill grows as I explore further into the apartment, noticing the several doors. One clearly has lights on as the door is open, bingo. It must be them. Inching closer as quietly as I can, I hear Lucas lightly groan. Heart beating faster, I reach the room and squeeze through in case the door would make noise. Half of the room is blocked by a bulky bookcase which I hide behind, peeking through one of the cracks to look at the other side. What I see is horrendous-- Lucas sits on a reclined chair, thankfully unrestrained. Profusely sweating and wincing from pain, his jaw tightens as he clenches his teeth while Dr. Lee works another screw into his shoulder. In the most monotonous voice, he says to Lucas, “That should be enough for the shoulder. Think I’ll add more joints in your fingers so they have more flexibility. I was able to design more realistic-looking phalanges the other day, want to try?” Lucas simply nods at the notion, much to my disgust. Should I make my next move? Should I leave? I stand a bit higher on the tips of my toes to see more clearly.

Suddenly, the arm attached to Lucas begins to beep alarmingly. “The heat sensor... who’s there?” Lucas queries. Dr. Lee looks around the room, spinning in his chair while Lucas stands and starts to wander around the space. The staccato tones rapidly sound as Lucas takes long strides towards the bookcase, pulling out a few books to expose half of my face. His face crumples into anger at my presence. “Why are you here... Did you follow me?” I gulped. This is not good. Behind Lucas comes the other man, swiping books off the shelves to get a better sense of who’s behind the bookcase. His eyes open up more in surprise.

“You’re from the clinic.” he says firmly and quickly balls up the shirt on my shoulder into his fist, pulling me from my spot. The other hand reaches at his back behind a tattered lab coat to reveal a revolver, the one often seen in old classic films. Our eyes lock on each other, his fired up with murderous intent and wrath. The cold metal presses onto my forehead, but I keep my focus on his face. Lucas yelps on the side, but doesn’t come closer as to not escalate this whole situation. “An assistant. Why are you here? How did you get in?” My hands drift in the direction of the ceiling, a signal of surrender. Visibly shaken, Lucas taps the doctor on the shoulder and interrupts.

“[Pronoun] is a good friend of mine. Please don’t do anything rash, [pronoun] can be put to good use.” Lucas claims. I examine him with confusion written all over my expression, though he holds his guarded stare at Dr. Lee. I’m beyond dismayed that Lucas would try propose that I can be made into a pawn in whatever the motherfucker is planning. That might mean taking Lucas’s place with substitution of my flesh with peculiar machinery, or being the one to help out with Lucas’s... transformation. In any case, there’s no way I’d accept those fates. Dr. Lee maintains eye contact with me, but moves the gun from my face to his side. On cue, a sigh exiting my mouth.

He laughs rather nonchalantly, the clutch on his gun tighter despite being on the side. He’s ready to kill someone. “It’s tough doing things on my own, I do need another hand. Human hands, I must add.” Another chuckle echoes through the room, the unbearable discomfort consuming my emotions. Continuing on, the man adds, “I’m appointing you as my messenger. Send information to my other colleagues, then you may stay alive and see Lucas everyday. However.” Always a catch. The fist that kept me in my place releases the fabric that was bundled in it. It travels to the gun, the cock of the weapon raising my alertness. Though physically there’s no restraint on me, one wrong move and I’m dead. “If you can’t follow through with my instructions, expect a bullet wound or worse.” Absolutely out of his mind. But he leaves me having to accept this offer. Briefly, I steal a glance at Lucas whose angrily knit brows now angle upwards in a worried manner. I can’t die here, and the need for strength increases knowing Lucas might not be able to handle the pain of seeing me shot. He needs me.

Dr. Lee tilts his head, waiting for a response. The loaded gun taunts me, his impatience showing when he starts tapping it against his waist. Pursing my lips, I come to the only choice I could make. Shakily, my voice raises to both Lucas and the doctor’s surprise, “I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever you tell me to do.” Speaking it into existence is the last thing I want, but I’m already neck deep into shit that doesn’t directly involve me. Might as well drown in what I’ve started. He snickers in delight, earning puzzled looks from Lucas and me. Leaving us near the bookcase, he saunters to his chair, taking a seat. His grip on the gun subsides, putting the small killing machine on his desk littered with papers with the big red classified stamped all over them. The silence weighs down on us before it’s broken by the doctor, his hands folded together with the most poisonous smirk playing across his lips.

“Just call me Taeyong.” He fiddles with a pen from his desk and continues,

”Question-- have you ever gone clubbing?”

#2096: zodiac #taeyong x reader #taeyong reader insert #nct au #nct fanfic #lee taeyong #nct 127 #nct u #lucas #wong yukhei #huang xuxi #wayv #cyberpunk au #nct mafia #nct angst #nct lucas #nct taeyong #winwin #dong sicheng #nct fic

[threeletterslife]

hi! I'm a small writer on wattpad and I was just wondering if you had any useful writing tips for me and other writers? I love your works and I would really love to know how you write so well! ♡

hello!!

i’d love to give writing tips! thank you so much for your kind words! but i’d say most of my writing skills come from trial and error and experience LOL but here’s what i really have to say:

GRAMMAR

i’m a huge grammar freak when it comes to writing and nothing’s a bigger turn off than reading a supposed emotional scene and spotting a huge ass grammar error lol

i’d suggest (if you aren’t already familiar with grammar) to study up on it

OR you can use sites such as grammarly and hemingway to catch mistakes for you (but they’re not always 100% accurate)

i feel like grammar is over-looked a lot in writing or maybe i’m just sensitive

even the simple wrong usage of the em dash triggers me these days lol (remember, it’s not ‘--’ it’s ‘—’ THERE’S A DIFFERENCE)

immaculate grammar means there’s one less thing that you have to worry about when putting your thoughts on-screen (or paper)

i studied grammar by buying an ACT test prep book LOL but you can probably learn it for free online

INSPIRATION

i think inspiration is really, REALLY important when it comes to writing

it’s always a struggle to come up with an original idea and to flesh it out is even harder at times

world-building is particularly a challenge (especially if that world is set in a futuristic dystopian world)

so i suggest you take time to get inspired (listen to music, get some fresh air, spend time with your loved ones, watch a movie, read a book etc)

writing always comes easier when you feel like doing it

once inspiration hits, don’t hesitate, DON’T DOUBT YOURSELF, just write

write first, edit later (that’s the #1 rule tbh)

gaining confidence through your inspiration is just as important as your writing itself

the writer is only as good as she thinks she is

if you get an idea, DO NOT WAIT TO FIND A NOTEBOOK TO WRITE IT DOWN. 85% of the time, you’ll forget the idea and that is the WORST MF feeling in the world. so please, write it on your phone, piece of scratch paper, on your hand—literally anything

CHARACTERS

my FAVORITE part!! i absolutely love coming up with characters

my biggest rule of thumb is to make a character that would actually fucking exist in the world LOL

well, i guess it depends on the plot or your story, but most times, your story will work better when the characters are realistic

remember, people want to connect to your characters (why else would they want to read about them??)

your characters should be balanced. there is no such thing as a perfect person. (also no such thing as an evil person,,, unless they’re psychologically damaged.) good traits come with bad traits. in fact, their good traits may even BE their bad traits!!

i.e. diligence. let’s say your character is diligent. it’s a good thing, perhaps. they may have a stable job and high income because they work very hard. but, in the end, their diligence turns them into a workaholic and that may cause problems with their relationships with loved ones

i always tell people who are starting off as writers to try to base characters off of the people around them (without making it insanely obvious, of course)—it’s more like picking and choosing traits from a personality pool LOL

if you’re writing romance, the character chemistry should be the plot of the story, which means you’ll have to make sure their personalities don’t exactly clash too much

here’s a character template i made that you can use (i actually use this character template for EVERY story)

PLOT

if you’re starting off as a writer, i can’t emphasize enough how important it is to PLOT

your story will literally flop if you don’t plot (cough cough that one wp ff after)

filler chapters or scenes are ALL RIGHT!! (that’s a common misconception) but they’re only okay IF they offer some insight about the characters’ personalities OR if they deepen the relationship between two characters (probably the future romantic couple)

i personally bullet plot (which means i just sit down and just word-vomit the contents of the story in a bullet-point form)

but the way people plot really differs, so i’ll leave it up to you

here’s a plot template i made that you can use (i don’t use this template very often anymore—only for longer stories, but it helps for beginners!)

sometimes, it works to leave the ending of your story unplotted (but only if you haven’t yet a single clue on how to end your story)

i find that once you write your characters a bit, it becomes easier to figure out what they would do in the future (and thus configure the ending)

A VERY IMPORTANT PART IN PLOT ACTUALLY INVOLVES THE CHARACTERS

your characters MAKE the plot

their choices will DEFINE the plot

if you had different characters, your story would turn out very differently

so always make sure your characters are CONSISTENT (unless they have subtle character development)

i.e. say you have a character who is sort of a curmudgeon lol and they’re living as a recluse and they hate people and romance. you can’t suddenly have them fall in love with the hot neighbor next door. you have to shape the plot so that the story is about the main character learning to understand others and willing to love someone who’s not herself

i.e. but say that you have a character who is a romantic-freak and idealizes romance. when the hot neighbor next door moves in, she’d be all over him (and planning the wedding the moment she sees him lol). the story would probably be about her learning how to be level-headed and lose just a few of her unrealistic ideals. the story would be about maturity, overall. there is such a huge difference in the plot just by switching ONE character

DIALOGUE

i just felt like dialogue had to be addressed because i think it’s SOOO important

dialogue makes up the relationship between two characters. you can REALLY tell where they lie on the line of friendship/relationship just by reading the way they talk to each other

a rule of thumb is to READ the dialogue out loud as you type it out

if you can read it out loud without thinking ‘well that’s not fucking realistic’ or ‘that sounds like a robot not a human’ then you’re usually good

there’s nothing wrong with repeating the word ‘said’ or ‘say(s)’

i’d actually say use other descriptions such as ‘yells,’ ‘whispers,’ ‘sighs’ sparingly. because no one on planet earth sighs 47 times in one conversation

i.e. “you’re not dead yet,” she says.

this is simple. it works. but you can make it better

i.e. “you’re not dead yet, huh?” she scoffs.

even better

i.e. “you’re not dead yet, huh?” she scoffs, shooting him a disdainful look before turning the other way in disgust

great!

try to split up long quotes!!

i.e. “it was always blue outside where i’m from. sometimes we had scheduled rainy days for the private gardens and stuff. you know, at least the food there was good. way better than the crap we're forced to eat here,” he says

it’s just a huge quote block right now

the words blend in with each other

and honestly, if you skim through it, you probably forgot what he’s even talking about lol

but we can fix that

i.e. “it was always blue outside where i’m from,” he says, gazing up rather sadly at the darkened gray skies of the run-down city. “sometimes we had scheduled rainy days for the private gardens and stuff.” he shakes his head in disbelief as if he can’t accept how desolate his home had deteriorated into over the past few years. “you know, at least the food there was good. way better than the crap we’re forced to eat here.” he glares at the muddy bowl of mystery soup he had neglected to touch since it was served

the paragraph is significantly longer, but you’re able to visualize what is happening in this scene much better!!

dialogue is my favorite part of any story LOL so i’m always open to giving more advice if you need it! 

NARRATION

oh god this is so fucking important

i write in 2nd pov PRESENT tense and i’ve been consistent with this for over a year now

it’s important to probably choose a tense to write in; you typically have two options: present or past tense

i personally prefer present tense because it gives the feel of the story unfolding right before your eyes in a very linear way

past tense kind of means things have ALREADY happened, so you have more leeway to jump around on the timeline of your story

i recommend writing present tense if you’re writing action, especially, but otherwise, it’s completely up to you

just STICK to one tense. nothing is more confusing than reading a sentence with two different tenses lol

i.e. he sighed as he looks over at the fireplace with deep sorrow in his eyes. “now i’ll never fucking qualify for the championships,” he gripes as he rubbed his hand frustratingly over his forehead

like... what?? pick one and GO WITH IT

i.e. he sighed as he looked over at the fireplace with deep sorrow in his eyes. “now i’ll never fucking qualify for the championships,” he griped as he rubbed his hand frustratingly over his forehead

OR

i.e. he sighs as he looks over at the fireplace with deep sorrow in his eyes. “now i’ll never fucking qualify for the championships,” he gripes as he rubs his hand frustratingly over his forehead

READ

i cannot emphasize this enough

READ. like literally if you don’t have time to read, you don’t have time to write periodt

reading is so SO important when you write

if you haven’t yet found your writing style, reading will SAVE you

you need to read your favorite works, analyze why you love them so much and try to emulate that writing style

after you’ve tried emulating the writing style, try to tweak things to YOUR taste until you’ve developed your very own style

it’s not easy developing your writing style. i’ve been writing for a decade give or take and i refound my writing style like two years ago LOL

the process takes patience and diligence

you don’t even always have to read good books, either

literally sometimes pick up a bad book just to see why it’s so bad and make sure you don’t make that mistake in YOUR writing lol

also, you get better at writing when you begin to edit others’ writings—it makes you self aware of the mistakes that YOU might make

RESEARCH

if you’re writing about territory you’re unfamiliar with, RESEARCH IS GOING TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND

please don’t write about heavy concepts involving mental health, gang violence etc. without either researching it or experiencing it

your job as a writer is NOT to relay false, unrealistic information to your readers

sure, your story is FICTIONAL, but that gives you no right to romanticize something dark/serious for your pure enjoyment

it doesn’t matter if it’s fictional or not. some things are not meant to be written about in a light-hearted, romanticized way

there’s no such thing as enough research

i’ve underresearched a lot of topics that i’ve written, and i actually regret it looking back because i know for sure that if i wrote it with a little bit more knowledge, it’d become better and more realistic and OVERALL MORE READABLE

there is always more research available online. it’s fucking 2020. use your resources online lol 

CONFIDENCE

it takes time to become a good writer

no one fucking wakes up one day and can write like a god

so you can always be in peace when you’re not satisfied with your writing

because 1) there is someone who is worse than you out there lol 2) you will IMPROVE (only if you put in the effort) 3) you may not be in the mood to write today, so take a break!! (it doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t write; you just need time and inspo)

confidence comes with experience

experience comes with perseverance

keep that in mind

you will become a great writer one day, and when that day comes, you will know it. you’ll feel it

the day will come when you’ll be able to sit down and write advice for others. if you can teach it, that’s when you know you know it (:

so keep writing and you’ll get there!

idk if this rambling even helped, but my shorter writing advice post is here! wish you a good time on wp!

#ask #milkimochii #writing #chana #chana's advice #inspiration #this was lowkey kinda fun to write #i hope it was helpful #because i definitely didn't know half of this shit when i started off writing #i think i was a bad writer for eight of the ten years i wrote #which kinda sucks #but at least i know now loll

[joutacujo]

FNV Companion Meme: Hades

Found this on another’s blog and wanted to have a go using drunkle Hades! This’ll be the lone version without Bitesized or Tesla.

Template

General

Name: Hades

Location: Atomic Wrangler or one of the vagrant camps

How to obtain: Can be hired after completing the quest “King on His Own”

Character photo: I haven’t draw him properly yet, but I have this-

Companion Wheel

I think we should travel together: “You better be packing hydra.” / “Welp, better than lazing around here, I guess.” / (if courier is female) “Do I have to?”

Use Melee: “Shit, I’ll give it a go.” / “I can’t see straight, but a cleaver is a big knife. Bigger range and all.”

Use Ranged: “Does throwing dynamite count?” / (singing) “Shot-gun, sh-sh-sh-shotgun!~”

Open Inventory: “Come on, man. I’ve got a bad back!” / “Are you gonna pay me for this?”

Stay Close: “If I get in your way that’s your fault.” / (if female courier) “You better not be flirting.” 

Keep Distance: (if male courier) “Nice view from back here!” / “Got it, chief.” 

Stealth: “If you here cracking that’s my knees.” / “I’m more of a explode everything and run guy, but I’ll try.” 

Back Up: (jokingly flirting) “Throw it back?” / I’m sure my muscles get in the way.”

Be Passive: “Ugh... really?” / “Yeah, that’ll last until withdrawal hits.”

Be Aggressive:  “Now you’re speaking my language.” / “YEEEAAAHH!”

Use Stimpack: “Doesn’t hit as well as hydra, but it’ll do.” / “P is for pain... also Please give me more.” / (if female courier) “Don’t touch me. I’ll do it myself.” 

Wait Here: “Oh. Don’t go too far, okay?” / “Oookay. Just don’t leave me here.”

Follow Me: “Right on, chief.” / “I ain’t a dog...” 

Send to the Lucky 38: “Oh hell yeah!” / “You know I’m banned from the Strip, right?” 

Send Home: (can be found where?) “Home, sweet home. Time to get high.” / “Finally! I missed Tesla.” (Atomic Wrangle/vagrant camp or Hades’ Shack after his personal quest is done)

Injured: “Uhghhhh... chief I ain’t feeling so good.” / “Hydra hydra.. hell I’d take a bit of jet.” / “Chieeefff! Helpp....” 

Death: “Well... I was expecting this...” / “Oh, finally...” 

Aggression: Aggressive

Confidence: Cautious

Assistance: Helps friends and allies

Karma: Neutral

Perks

What perks does your oc have? Generally companions have a starting perk and then two perks they may achieve depending on how the courier completes their quest line.

[Been Through the Wars]

Hades’ starting quirk adds 3+ DT and 20% resistance to drugs and poisoning. 

[Cut off One Head]

If choosen the “Warrior” end to his quest, adds 25% skill points to the Explosive, Guns and Survival skills. 

[Happy Homesteader]

If choosen the “Retiree” end to his quest, adds 25% skill points to the Medicine, Repair and Barter skills. 

Drops

If killed, does your oc drop anything?

Tesla’s Note -A note from Tesla to Hades about their plans to party after “all of this” is done.

Shot In The Dark -Hades’ unique shotgun that has unlimited slag ammo.

3-6x Hydra 10-12x Dynamite Cleaver

Worn Kings’ Outfit -Hades’ unique version of the Kings’ Outfit

Ruined Dogtags -NCR dogtags with the details scratched out

Quests and Recruitment

How does the courier recruit your oc? Write a short description where your oc is found and if there are any requirements to recruit them as a companion.

You receive the quest “King on His Own” from Pacer after G.I Blues quest is done in the Kings’ favour. He speaks about a member of the Kings that had to be kicked out after “going psycho” from drug withdrawal. He says that this member was really impressive in a fight and he’d like to see him come back to them. Problem is, it’s impossible to get him to go sober, so he asks the Courier if they could do anything.

You can find Hades either in a vagrant camp (usually the one near the Strip) or the Atomic Wrangler. At first he’s very depressed and generally lethargic. Having high reputation with the Kings allows you to hire him as a companion, but first he asks you to track down 5 bottles of Hydra and some whiskey for his “happy time cocktail”. Upon doing this he’ll take this “cocktail” and suddenly become more upbeat and flirtious (if the courier is male). If the courier is female he’ll seem reluctant to join you, but does after a 25 Speech check. 

Bringing him back to Pacer leads to Pacer being disappointed in Hades, but he requests that you keep Hades around for a bit longer to see if you can help. Agreeing to this completes the quest and hires Hades as a proper companion with his quirk.

Personal quests are an important part of developing our companions. What is your oc’s personal quest(s), and what are the different ways the courier can complete them?

After travelling for some time, there’s a random chance you’ll witness Hades going through withdrawal. He’ll become very depressed and easily angered, fighting anything that comes within his perspective. Talking to him will give you the option of giving him Fixer which prompts him to open up more about himself.

He reveals he was born in a Vault set underneath an Arts Theatre. The musical scripts found in it is where his tribe gets their names from; he’s named after Hadestown: The Musical. He left his tribe as a young adult to seek adventure but was captured and sold into slavery. 

He refuses to go into anymore detail. Passing a 50 Speech Check he’ll reveal that he was sold to an older women that lived in this fancy condo for rich people. He’ll shudder at the memory then end dialogue. 

This prompts the beginning of his personal quest, “Why We Build the Wall”.

After completing three quests for the NCR, Hades will mention his distain for the NCR. Through dialogue it’s revealed he was a soldier for them but deserted during the Bitter Springs Massacre. Talking to Captain Gilles with Hades in the party will prompt a conversation between the two. Gilles is disappointed, but not surprise that Hades deserted them while Hades is bitter and disgusted that they’re still here. You can resolve the conversation peacefully with a Speech check of 30. 

After becoming Liked by the Legion this prompts a conversation with Hades. He is neutral towards them, saying their slavery is horrifying but at least they protect their citizens. He says he’d rather join an honest evil than a dishonest good. You can then ask him about his time as a slave. Reluctantly he reveals that his owner would beat and assault him whenever something upset her. He’s biased against women because of this (something he apologizes for if the courier is female). He is gleeful as he reveals that he escaped after she had a heartattack at a party, but quickly becomes subdued again as he’s been wandering every since. 

The last condition needed is to complete the quest “High Times” with Hades in the party. Upon completion he opens dialogue mentioning he drinks and uses drugs to forget his past. He says his companion, Tesla, is a complete amnesiac due to her excessive drug use and he’s kind of been hoping to have that happen to him too. But everytime he has a withdrawal, all those feelings he’s been bottling up just come out and start the cycle over again. 

Through dialogue you get two choices to help him. 

The “Warrior” end, has him continue to use drugs now adding in Buffout to help control his withdrawals. He becomes tougher and buries the past completely. 

The “Retiree” end has him use drugs at a half dose, using more Fixer and visiting the Followers. He regains more skills and unlocks his Shack where he gives you supplies like ammo and different crafting scrap.

Ending Slides

Another important part of companions is their ending slides. How do their endings change based on how their quests are completed and how the courier decides to handle the world around them? Below is a short template listing the different main story outcomes. Feel free to change whatever you need to fit your OC’s story.

If their personal quest is never completed…

Hades, ever drifting between highs and lows, remained a vagrant to the very end. Haunted by his past, body deteriorating from alcoholism, he took his life outside of the Strip’s Gates: a symbol of how the Mojave can chew one up and spit them out. 

If the Courier sides with Legion and Hades quest is completed with the Warrior Ending

As the Legion marched into Freeside they rounded up the drug addicts and vagrants. Most were executed on sight, some, like Hades, showed a battle prowess that impressed Caeser. Hades was cast into the Arena and after many battles, was finally slain. His body was burned in a sign of respect. 

If the Courier sides with Legion and Hades quest is completed with the Retiree Ending

Hidden away in his shack, Hades escaped Legion sight for a long time. Upon finding the now sober Hades, they captured him and sold him to Aurelius of Pheonix (or Lucius if Aurelius is dead) as a repairs specialist. Though once again a slave, Hades accepted his fate and eventually passed of natural causes. 

If the Courier sides with NCR and Hades quest is completed with the Warrior Ending

With the NCR taking over New Vegas, it wasn’t long before deserters were brought to justice. Hades refused arrest and fought until the very end, taking out many NCR soldiers in his wake. He eventually went down under a hail of bullets, screaming his bitterness to the skies.

If the Courier sides with NCR and Hades quest is completed with the Retiree Ending

With the NCR taking over New Vegas, it wasn’t long before deserters were brought to justice. Hades was brought before a trial and accepted his imprisonment. He lived out the rest of his days working in the mines, eventually dying in a mineshaft collapse, surrounded by other Kings. 

If the Courier sides with House and Hades quest is completed with Any Ending

Hades, like many vagrants in Freeside, was either ignored by Mr House or shot down when his robots came strolling into the town. Being a friend of the Courier, he was left alone by other factions in Freeside; leading to a lonely, if peaceful, life. 

If the Courier makes New Vegas independent and Hades quest is completed with Any Ending

Along with the other Kings in Freeside, Hades ruled and enjoyed a free life. In the chaos he often relapsed into using more dangerous drugs and whored himself out without care. Eventually, he passed after a bad, violent trip on pyscho which lead to him being killed in self defense. 

#fallout new vegas #fnv #companion meme #fnv oc #hades #long post #i got lazy at the end ugh #personal

[incorrect-kotor-quotes]

I just found your New Vegas posts, and I sense a lot of hostility towards Lonesome road. Why?

The core problem with Lonesome Road is that it is, and I don’t say this lightly, the kind of writing I would expect from Bethesda.

Everything happens because the plot says so regardless of whether it makes any sense for the player to do, or in-universe. It tries to tell me how I feel, chastises me for decisions I did not make, and pokes holes in the worldbuilding. The whole narrative and its message rely on too many contrivances to make sense.

“This is your road. When you come, you’ll walk it alone.” The first area gave me a robot companion who follows me for the majority of the DLC and whom I regularly speak to… Wait, was that a pun about ED-E not having legs? I walk, but he floats?

Also, why can’t I bring companions to the Divide? In Dead Money and Old World Blues the Courier was kidnapped, then in Honest Hearts you travel as an employee of a caravan to the new location and they only have one opening. For Lonesome Road, you don’t bring backup because the plot says you don’t. That’s the justification of a lot of the DLC. Everything happens because that’s what happens.

“You had the option to turn back at any time, your refusal to do so put everyone at risk.” Bullshit, Ulysses had access to functional ICBMs and could probably have gone to get the components he needed if pressed. There are dozens of warheads lying around and he knows where the detonator is. Plus, he threatened that he would destroy the Mojave anyway, I wasn’t going to take that lightly and wouldn’t assume he was bluffing.

Even when I wasn’t aware Ulysses wanted components from ED-E, I knew he was tracking me through the robot (and also broadcasting annoying dialogue at me) so I would’ve left ED-E and gone on alone if that was an option. The game wouldn’t let me, because the plot said I had to bring him.

“The destruction around you is your fault.” I (supposedly) destroyed the Divide by accident. The guilt trip rings a little hollow coming from Ulysses, who wiped out New Canaan on purpose. He also nearly wrecked the entire wasteland by releasing the Think Tank and directed Elijah to the Sierra Madre, all of which are messes I had to clean up. Also, I’ve probably killed more people deliberately than I did at the Divide, I didn’t regret those, I’m not going to regret this.

“Ulysses will nuke the NCR if you don’t stop him.” I’m a Wild Card player who’s planning to transform New Vegas into high-tech development center by empowering the Followers of the Apocalypse with Enclave/Big Empty/Sierra Madre tech rather than continue Mr. House’s tourist economy. I don’t hate NCR, but cutting off their biggest supply line so they can’t invade would be doing me a favor, though I stopped the launch anyway because I want there to be less radiation in the world. Ulysses’ plan is based on my good standing with the NCR, and there’s no way to make it clear I’m not working for them, I’m working against the Legion.

“You should feel bad for your character’s role in destroying the society in the Divide.” What society? I couldn’t find any evidence of people living here prior to the nuclear detonations, only the Marked Men, who are all NCR or Legion soldiers, no locals among them. One of the ranger logs mentions a tribal society, that’s it. The only records were from before the war. The Tunnelers might be mutated humans who lived there, but it’s not clear, I thought they were mutant humanoid reptiles like the Lakelurks. Ulysses hates me for destroying a fledgling nation, one that was supposedly the hope of the wasteland, but I know nothing about it and my character doesn’t even remember. He just made up a complicated backstory about how important the Courier and the Divide were to each other, putting him somewhere on the intellectual level of Fantastic.

I’m serious. Please explain to me how “Before you… this is the edge of the Divide. Ahead lies your work, the history you burned in the earth. What you brought to the people here.” and “I read numbers. Sometimes I make up little stories in my head about what the numbers mean.” don’t convey similarly warped interpretations of reality.

“The Tunnelers are an imminent threat to the Mojave, even tougher than Deathclaws.” No, they aren’t. Maybe I’m just that unstoppable, but the Tunnelers were never a serious threat. As for being tougher than Deathclaws, the game mechanics make it clear they aren’t. Deathclaws can tank several hits from the toughest Tunnelers, whom they can easily one-shot at higher levels. The Tunnelers only killed a Deathclaw in a scripted event. And they definitely aren’t any worse than Cazadores. Those things actually can fight Deathclaws, I tested that out at the Thorn.

“The Divide will tear at you.” In Lonesome Road I had plenty of anti-rad drugs, could kill Rawr in two shots, and viewed the Marked Men more as walking sacks of cash than serious threats to the point I took it on at Level 2, making trips between the Divide and the Gun Runners to sell all the loot. The only part that gave me any trouble was that Deathclaw spawning outside a trailer after I entered it. I still killed it.

The Sierra Madre was worse, and developed more effectively from a gameplay perspective. I managed with the right perks and skills, but between the toxic cloud, invincible holograms, shielded speakers, the Ghost People’s resurrection ability, and the crushing weight of those gold bars, Dead Money was full of obstacles which could not be easily circumvented. Where LR tries and fails to convey a feeling of isolation because you have a friendly companion, DM punctuates its loneliness by forcing you to work with allies who would probably kill you if they could, and might try later. Y’all want challenge and danger until you get it.

“You have to sacrifice ED-E to stop the missiles. Can you bear killing him?” I absolutely can. ED-E is a copy of the Mojave ED-E, and the ending slides make it clear the Divide version transmitted all relevant data to the Mojave, something I expected to happen, so I stopped the missiles while losing nothing. There are no negative consequences for me. He’s fine.

“Stories spread of the battle between the two Couriers.” Told by who? Literally no one saw the fight and lived except the Courier. No one goes to the Divide, the Marked Men ain’t exactly chatty. Were there recording devices? Was ED-E transmitting everything? How does anyone else know what happened well enough for me to get a reputation boost? Also, the confrontation was over in seconds, fighting the Legendary Bloatfly was more intense.

“The Courier tore the ancient flag of the Commonwealth from its cables, and cast it over the corpse, though whether done as a sign of respect, or in anger for what had been endured to reach this moment - that is unknown.” No, I didn’t. I killed Ulysses with a .50 explosive round to the back of his head, looted his body, threw his remains down a missile silo, then tossed some frag grenades down after it because he was rude to my robot. His body was in chunks. I went back after the ending to check, it was still there. As for what had been “endured”, Ulysses did not inflict significant physical or emotional harm upon me. I lost exactly one hit point in the Courier’s Mile, you can do the math on how tough the rest was on me. Don’t ever imply I respect Ulysses.

The problem with Ulysses as a character is that he makes a lot of assumptions about me, my motivations, and how I work when New Vegas’s strength lies in providing a variety of options. Avellone wanted him to be the Courier’s antithesis, but there are so many choices you can make he ran into the problem of making Ulysses every Courier’s antithesis regardless of their faction, morality, personality, or skills, and he makes no sense as a result. You can’t have a character who’s opposed to both an evil low-intelligence legionary and a sneaky pro-independence member of the FoA. He’s just a pretentious dumbass who wants to blow everyone up.

#fallout new vegas #lonesome road #Anonymous

[tgrlmls]

WHY HER?

Game of Thrones, some over-analyzing scenes, characters and ships

Alright then…

I know that I am a little late to comment on the hot topic that was the Game of Thrones series finale extravaganza and anything that is “jonsa”. I have been very angry about the last two seasons for a long time, but it looked like everyone has said what needs to be said one way or another. But I love analyzing and I have loved and loved this show and its characters for so long I have the right to over-analyze it to hell… ok? Good.

So… let’s go to my beginnings. GOT shippervise beginnings. I have been waiting since Season 1 for Jon and Deanerys to meet. I was sure their story arcs would come together ok? And Kit and Emilia had some really cute pictures that were taken for magazines etc. Fan arts, theories, anything jonerys, I was all into them. Incest was the only thing that kept me openly shipping jonerys but I was intrigued and I was ready to accept that “well… they don’t know they are aunt and nephew…maybe that will cause them to be star-crossed lovers? The tragic but beautiful love story? Or maybe knowing the Targeryen traditions they will say “you know what? Never mind that related thing bygones “and be a power couple? I was open to all options.

Then came season 6 episode 4… THE REUNION…of Jon and Sansa…what? That scene was so beautifully acted and shot and the music oh my god feelings. But I said to myself that is sibling love. It is normal they have both been through a lot. It was poetic, in a platonic way. But that scene and a lot of scenes that season between them were so very well done. I found myself saying “oh please don’t ruin this by making Sansa trust Littlefinger and wanting more power please.” To their credit…they didn’t. But they toyed with this idea too much too long for my taste. Anyway, yay jonsa have platonic relationship and some Starks are content for a change so I was happy. But the big thing was coming right? Jon and Dany.

Then came season 7. Started nice enough. I liked the differences between Jon and Dany and their first encounter. Dany was interested that was obvious. She was curious about Jon. Jon was not on his knees by her beauty or her dragons. BUT then she kept him as a prisoner…and the annoying “bend the knee” scenes came. I mean this woman accepted Iron Islands to be independent over a conversation. And she was not helping thousands of people, unless they bend the knee. What was “Breaking the Wheel” exactly? That is a question that I still can’t find the answer to. Dany wanted to break the Wheel of great houses ruling the people, by coming there demanding they bend the knee to HER because SHE IS FROM A GREAT HOUSE?

Ok that is for another discussion but all these things and lack of emotion for me in Jon and Dany scenes made me a Jonsa shipper in season 8. And lack of wit and general lack of IQ from other characters like Tyrion made me a big Sansa stan. My girl was wise. She was right. But what broke my heart the most was the treatment of Jon.

My Jon, had a character. He was a leader. He didn’t want it, but he was good at it. He was a natural. He always tried to do what was right, by his conscience. My Jon, even if he was head over the heels in love with a woman would not be a doormat. He would not sit idly by when  anyone is being burned alive. He was honarable, he was brave, he was just. He made mistakes, he failed but his intentions were always for the best. He left the woman he loved before because he was trying to do the right thing. And it was the right thing.

Anyway these issues aside, there are very interesting dialogues and acting choices in season 8 that does not make sense with what the writers were trying to sell us. And many scenes were analyzed in many great tumblr posts, probably this one had been too, but if I may, I want to over-analyze and ask my questions too.

That scene will be the “Why her?” scene or “Sansa betrays Jon’s trust and tells Tyrion his secret” scene and I can’t believe how the latter discussion can even be an issue with the way this scene was acted and shot.

So it begins “WHY HER?”

Let’s start with the beginning of the scene, shall we? Jon is leaving with Dany literally going to war, Tyrion -as it seems- seeks and finds Sansa, but she is so distracted and lost in her thoughts she doesn’t have have time for small talk she gets right to the point “Why HER?”

A very important thing to note here is that this is happenning very soon after Sansa learns that Jon is not her half-brother but her cousin. Of course we didn’t see her or Arya’s reaction to this. Hell we didn’t even properly see how Jon himself feels about this. Why would we care about these characters we loved for years learning such an impactful truth right? Sarcasm on. I mean they learn that truth right after they say they only need each other, we see the pack all together one last time and the scene cuts. Ok, sure!

But where I am getting at is that these characters are not robots and of course this information has someway affected them.

Sansa is watching the dragons all mighty powerful and scary here. But she is not afraid. She seems conflicted, and asks Tyrion why he is following Dany. She is trying to understand why Jon is following her as well maybe. Because Jon never gave her, or any of the Starks or the Northmen for that matter any reason other than Dany helped them with the Army of the Dead. Yes, but that doesn’t mean she’ll be a good queen. She didn’t help them because she is a great leader who cares about them and help them survive. No.

Tyrion:She loves your brother

Sansa:That doesn’t mean she’ll be a good queen

That is the thing that must be bothering actually. She agreed to help the North because she loves Jon.

And if it were not Jon and someone she wouldn’t fall for, she was going to refuse to help until that person bent the knee. Or maybe even after that. But again that was the stupidity of Season 7. So moving on to the scene at hand again,

Sansa looks sad here. Not plotting, not scheming, not angry…sad.

Tyrion: You seem determined to dislike her.

Yes she does and why is that? What reason Sansa Stark has to dislike Dany? Well, she made them bend the knee and took their independence? But that aside why is Tyrion and Jon are determined to like her? We will get to that in this same scene.

Tyrion talks about how a peaceful relations between North and the Iron Throne would be best for the people.

 Sansa: Jon will be Warden of the North so good relationship seems likely.

 She cuts Tyrion’s sentence as it looks like the “good relationships” part has triggered her somehow.

Tyrion stops and looks the other way almost apologetically

 Tyrion:I don’t expect him to spend much time here going forward…

 And Sansa cuts him again, more triggered and even more irritated than before

Sansa:Well I suppose it’s up to him.

Ok this one is really interesting, Sansa is very irritated about the relationship of Jon and Dany, this irritation right here is not about the North. She is angry at Jon. But this one, this anger right here is not because independence or anything political.

She says it’s up to him. Well the way the scene was acted,really leans into Sansa being jealous about Jon and Dany. She knows what Tyrion is implying. Jon will be in King’s Landing with Dany because of their relationship, the North and the IT will be in good relations because of that said relationship.

Sansa is very disturbed. It catches Tyrion’s attention, he asks her if she is alright, I mean look at her. She is on the verge of tears.

Many people argued Tyrion misreads this, I am not sure, it is possible but it also feels like he is somehow trying to console her, telling her she will be the real power in the North, that it is her word he is seeking of in this arrangements. He is trying to make sure Sansa has accepted these terms. BUT it is not for Dany’s claim. Tyrion is not afraid Sansa will oppose Dany and Dany will lose supporters. No he is afraid but for other reasons. Which we will come to.

Even Sansa realizes this, and asks him why he is concerned. Dany has everything right now.

She still has her armies, the northern armies, her dragons ...and JON. 

Tyrion: She is your queen too!

Tyrion: You don’t have to be her friend, but why provoke her? How is that in the best interest of your family or the North..

Sansa: You’re afraid of her.

Tyrion is afraid. For Sansa, for the Starks. This is the first time Sansa realizes even the supporters of Dany are afraid of what she is capable of.

She comes clean to Tyrion, tells him what’s really bothering her.

Sansa: I don’t want Jon to go down there…the men in my family don’t do well in the Capital.

While it is true that North men were not able to fight with the schemings of southron Capital. The bigger part in this is “Sansa doesn’t want Jon to go.” She fears for his safety. He is going to the Dragon Queen’s war. It is dangerous. Cersei is dangerous. Dany is dangerous. And Jon is a big player in this game even if he doesn’t want to. He was born into this. Even if he was Ned Stark’s bastard he was still important he was made The King in the North, of course he was still a big player even after he bent the knee. But there was more. Jon was not a big piece in this game. He was the BIGGEST because of the truth of his lineage. So when Tyrion unknowingly brings this up, Sansa gets that there are even bigger things at stake here.

She doesn’t want Jon to leave but there is also something more on the line here. Jon is the true heir. Her expression is full of worry and sadness as she turns her head looking away.

Tyrion notices this of course asks her if she is alright. But he doesn’t get it. He starts to tell her about how he believes in Dany, trying to convince Sansa or maybe himself. Because how can you possibly believe in someone making the World a better place, with constantly fearing she will snap and burn people for some reason that is justified in her head at the same time?

She thinks about her options. She KNOWS this game, she saw first-hand. She lived the ramifications “when you play the game of thrones you win or you die” 

And she decides to play the game actively. Trying to keep this secret was not going to protect Jon. Her father tried it. But Jon was sent to the Night’s Watch eventually. Now he holds so much importance even without this secret. And more importantly. Dany knows the secret. Her hand, Tyrion is even afraid of her, warning Sansa not to oppose her. How long will she be kept from unleashing her anger. How long till before someone calls Jon a King? How long till Jon opposes Dany because of something he doesn’t agree. We know Jon. Sansa knows Jon. (I mean real Jon, until he became a doormat, he must be there somewhere) trying to be passive will not have. They are in this game whether they wanted it or not. Ned tried to refuse to be in, he lost his life for it. His family almost lost everything. Jon tried to refuse to take a part of it but anywhere he went, anthing he did people followed him, chose him, put him in the game all the time. There is no middle ground.

Yes she betrays her word. She swore an oath and she broke it. Because “what is honor compared to a woman’s love” Or a man’s for that matter.

#jonsa #jon snow #sansa stark #jon sansa #game of thrones #got season 8 #got season 7 #got season 6 #r+l=j #jonsa is real #tyrion #why her #jealous sansa #rightful heir #king in the north #queen in the north #eddard stark #winter is coming #jonsa was there but i don't know why it was or it was not #my shipper heart #sophie turner #kit harington

[nadziejastar]

That moment, a ball rolled up and bumped into Roxas’ foot.

“Scuse me!” A boy came running up.

“Hayner, not again!”

Behind him, a girl came running, and then following her, a slightly chubby boy.

Roxas picked up the ball at his feet, and threw the ball back to the boy and his friends. The three dipped their heads in a bow, and ran away again with the ball.

“—They’d be around the same age as me, wouldn’t they,” Roxas muttered.

“Huh?” Axel asked, and Roxas wondered if he hadn’t caught it.

“Nothing.” Roxas shook his head slightly and started walking. Roxas turned to watch the pigeons in front take flight.

Thank you for another interesting video. The Youtuber said that RAX just eating ice cream didn’t really make them feel that close. He said it could have worked if being in the organization seemed REALLY that bad and ice cream was the only thing they had in life to give them pleasure. I actually did get the impression that ice cream was all they had. But I think the little short story “Roxas: Somewhere in Time” did a better job showing just how bored and unhappy Roxas was with the monotony of his organization life. That’s how I think they originally intended the Axel/Roxas friendship to be before they came up with the idea of Xion.

“I wonder whether it’d be fun to fly like that.”

“—It’d be fun, I guess,” Axel replied, taking a bite of his ice cream.

“I wonder how long it’ll be okay to do this.”

Axel stared at Roxas. Maybe Roxas is feeling the build up of doing the same kind of missions day after day. Every day, Roxas was given the same mission, to subdue heartless. But it couldn’t be helped, Axel thought. Roxas was special. To the Organisation, and to Axel. Just like how the Organisation can’t let Roxas know anything, I don’t think I’ll let him know anything myself.

This is betraying Roxas, isn’t it?

“We might not always be able to be together,” murmured Axel, without realising.

“Huh?” This time, it was Roxas who looked at Axel.

“What’s with you, don’t make such a scary face.”

Axel turned his face away from Roxas, and bit his ice cream. Roxas didn’t know of Axel’s unrest. And, Axel didn’t know of Roxas’ unrest.

This story takes place the day after Axel comes back from Castle Oblivion. Roxas sees Hayner, Pence, and Olette playing ball and then wonders just how long he can keep doing what he’s doing. He’d rather play with them–kids his own age. Axel knew that. He knew Roxas was unhappy. He was lying to Roxas so he wouldn’t leave. He knew if Roxas had the choice, he would leave him. Their friendship was not strong enough for Roxas to stick around just for him. Axel ALSO knew that their arrangement was living on borrowed time. He and Roxas simply weren’t gonna be together forever and there would come a time when they’d go their separate ways. They friendship wasn’t super cuddly or cutesy, nor was it particularly intimate. But it was interesting.

I actually should not exist. I was just a doll. I chose to disappear because I did not want to become what Xemnas had planned for me. Therefore, I had no regrets. I remember disappearing in front of the clock tower while Roxas held me. Roxas also went to sleep afterwards, leaving Axel alone. The person who probably suffered the most was Axel. Because he’s the one who forgot the most. Being forgotten and forgetting, they’re both painful. I am a bit uncertain whether I should actually exist or not. Sometimes, even if for a fleeting moment, I feel that I truly should not be here.

To address his point about Xion: I was honestly fine with the fact that Xion felt like a living plot device and that she felt like just another version of Kairi. I don’t think she was supposed to feel distinct from Kairi. That defeats the point. He also said that she needed more inner conflict about helping Sora wake up because it made her death scene less effective. I disagree with all this.

I think Xion wasn’t supposed to feel completely “human”. Because she’s wasn’t. She was the embodiment of Sora’s memories of Kairi. She’s not really supposed to exist. Even in her Character File story, she doesn’t sound convinced she should really exist. When she disappeared, it was supposed to feel right and natural, like she went back to where she truly belonged. After beating the game, you weren’t supposed to come away with the idea that she was supposed to return and live happily ever after with Roxas and Axel. And that’s how I felt. I was 100% okay with her disappearing at the end and never coming back. Her death scene was beautiful, IMO. When she came back in KH3, it felt tacky and cheapened her whole character.

I completely agree that it is very disappointing that we never got to see the other members’ backstories. KHUX is NOT the right place to explore Marluxia’s past IMO. But I don’t think Days was the right place, either. Many of the members died too quickly (though more could have been done with Demyx and Luxord). I think BBSV2 was meant to be that game he wanted 358/2 Days to be. I’m sure that the Days timeline would be covered in BBSV2. But 358/2 Days was supposed to be about Roxas’s “blank period” in the organization. So, I am okay with it focusing on mostly RAX and, to a lesser extent, Axel/Saix. The rest of the organization’s past required a separate game to do them justice.

“Let’s eat some ice cream. We are best friends. You are right. Ha-ha-ha.”

I loved the part where he did the robot voice making fun of the dialogue in the game. There’s a lot of truth to how forced it was.

“The biggest problem with the friendship between Roxas, Axel, and Xion is how stilted it feels. More often than not, the game just TELLS us what the characters are feeling, instead of letting it be revealed through their actions. We’re continually TOLD how great the trio’s friendship is, yet the only evidence of that is them smiling while eating ice cream.”

This is a quote from the video. I can understand why he feels like this. And to an extent, I agree. But I only agree because I think most of the fandom fundamentally missed what Nomura was trying to do with the sea-salt trio and KH3 didn’t even bother to follow through with the original idea. 

“Well, Roxas—why do the three of us eat ice cream together every day in that place?”

“….Huh?” I don’t really get what he’s trying to say.

“I have no use in doing that either, do I? If you think about it, it’s troublesome, right? Do you want me to tell you?”

Roxas looked at Axel, and waited for his answer.

“It’s because we are best friends.”

At least for Axel, the game DIDN’T tell you what he was really feeling. You DID have to look at his actions and read between the lines. That’s what I loved so much about the story. 

In KH2, Axel and Roxas were so-called “best friends”. And this is the reason the story of 358/2 Days pushes the idea of “best friends” in such a forced and artificial way. Even in Days, Axel first called them best friends, not spontaneously, but in response to being incredibly hurt by Saix and also from remembering some specific incident from his past.

He wasn’t really supposed to be “best friends” with Roxas and Xion, though (cute as they are). I mean, he’s a GROWN ASS MAN, for crying out loud. Naturally, it’s embarrassing for an adult to be best friends with two kids.

Pathik: The fourth chakra is located in the heart. It deals with love and is blocked by grief. Lay all your grief out in front of you. You have indeed felt a great loss. But love is a form of energy, and it swirls all around us. The Air Nomads’ love for you has not left this world. It is still inside of your heart, and is reborn in the form of new love.

I’m sure a lot of KH fans have seen ATLA. The way Axel/Roxas/Xion was handled really reminded me of how Aang/Katara was handled. I think the audience misunderstood the Aang/Katara relationship and saw it more cutesy and simplistically than it was intended to be. Aang did genuinely love her, just as Axel genuinely loved Roxas and Xion. But at the same time, he was completely obsessed with her, just as Axel was obsessed with Roxas in KH2. Aang was just a kid. In his mind, Katara was his “forever girl” and they were gonna be together forever and ever. He was quite pushy about it at times, just as Axel is quite pushy about how Roxas is his “best friend” in KH2.

Aang: On stage, when you said I was just like a … brother to you, and you didn’t have feelings for me.

Katara: I didn’t say that. An actor said that.

Aang: But it’s true, isn’t it? We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we’re not.

Katara: Aang, I don’t know.

Aang was infatuated with her from the moment he laid eyes on her. On top of that, he met her just after he ran away from home to avoid his entire life changing and losing everything he knew and everyone he loved. And he wakes up in her arms to find out that all his people were completely wiped out because of that decision. He was all alone in the world and deeply traumatized. And he clung to Katara to avoid facing that loss. Axel also lost everything, including the one person he couldn’t bear to lose. Roxas and Xion were the first people he got close to after his life changed. And he starts realizing how much Saix changed and he can’t cope with the enormity of that loss. He hides all of those feelings, and later becomes obsessed with Roxas to avoid facing them. Very similar idea.

Aang loves Katara but not in the way he should, as it was based on replacing the absence of the Air Nomads, and Guru Pathik believes he never learned what it meant to “let go” of her.

Aang and Katara are not on the same wavelength as there are many times where Katara attempts to shelter him from the harsh realities of life - which creates a chasm between them. Katara discovers she can communicate so much more easily with Zuko, and he with her.

Aang finds out that some of his people were alive all along and just hiding; living their lives for the past hundred years without him. His love for Katara grew from the love of the Air Nomads, so what if his people came back? Would he realize that his love for her was not as genuine as he once thought?

--ATLA cancelled Book 4 plot

Katara never seemed to reciprocate Aang’s romantic feelings. Though only a few years older than him, she was VERY mature for her age. She felt more like his mom than his girlfriend, just like how Axel seemed more like R&X’s dad than their best friend. There was a chasm between them. Katara couldn’t communicate with Aang on her level or confide in him about her own pain, just like how Axel could never communicate with R&X on his level or confide in them about his pain. They were too immature. Aang relied on Katara and took her for granted, and Roxas took Axel for granted. When Aang lost Appa he took all his anger out on Katara, just like how Roxas took all his anger over losing Xion out on Axel. 

Aang and Katara had a very wonderful and realistic dynamic, which I liked a lot. It just…wasn’t believable as romantic. And Axel/Xion/Roxas had a very interesting dynamic I liked a lot. But they were just not believable as best friends. They weren’t on the same wavelength and Axel sheltered Roxas from the harsh realities of life, creating a chasm between them. Aang needed to find out his people were still alive in order to cope with his pain and “let go” of Katara. Axel needed to find out that the Isa he remembered was still alive in order to cope with his grief and let go of Roxas.

“He seemed a tiny bit startled as he scanned the room, and his eyes fell on a particular drawing. “This is…me? And that guy Axel…?”

It was Naminé’s drawing of Roxas and Axel, standing side by side.

“You’re best friends,” she said. Right. Those two had been friends—well, Axel believed they still were. Roxas was his only friend and his best. And Axel was the same for Roxas—probably.

I like this passage from the novel. It’s the very first time Axel and Roxas being best friends is mentioned in KH2. Roxas is Axel’s best and only friend. And Naminé figures that Roxas feels the same way… well, probably. What made Axel such an interesting character was that his feelings toward Roxas were one-sided, just like Aang’s feelings for Katara were one-sided. Seeing Roxas again was the only thing that gave his life any meaning. The thing is, Roxas didn’t feel the same way. He cared about Axel, yes. But Roxas would have been VERY uncomfortable and creeped out by Axel’s obsession with him. This is a big problem that NEVER gets addressed or resolved. 

On the sofa opposite him, Naminé spoke up instead. “Sora and Riku are best friends.”

Axel’s eyes crinkled as he remembered his own best friend—the only friend he’d ever had, in fact.

“If your best friend goes away, you’re sad, and if you get to be with them, you’re happy,” Naminé added. “Isn’t that how it is, Axel?”

“…That’s about the size of it.” Axel nodded and sat down on the remaining empty sofa, staring at the sea-salt ice cream he held.

“So you are capable of sincerity,” said Riku.

Axel only shrugged at the jab and finished his ice cream pop.

Like Aang, Axel suffered a great loss; the loss of someone he couldn’t bear to lose. And he never dealt with it. Why does Axel feel the need to assert over and over that Roxas is his only friend and his best friend? Because he was using Roxas as a replacement for Isa–his actual best friend. Axel was desperate to fill the void of that intimacy with another best friend.

“Finally awake, huh?” 

Roxas looked up. “Axel…” 

His only good friend—his best friend—Axel had arrived with two sea-salt ice cream pops.

Roxas is pretty casual saying goodbye in KH2FM. He’s just like like “take care, okay?” He’s smiling and not visibly emotional or anything like he was with Xion. Axel, on the other hand, is reduced to tears. He is most definitely NOT okay.  IMO, the problem was not that 358/2 Days didn’t do a good enough job making Axel/Xion/Roxas feel like best friends. The problem is that KH3 still went with the notion that they ever really were best friends to begin with.

[commander-rahrah]

RESIDENCY (AN OPEN HEART FIC): PART SEVENTEEN

Pairing: MC (Jordynne Holland) X Ethan Ramsey X Bryce Lahela; MC X Bryce; MC X Ethan

Masterlist: Click Here

Chapter Rating: T (Swearing)

Word Count: 3600+

Description: Ethan comes back to Boston after hearing about Jordynne’s suspension and upcoming hearing. Jordynne is upfront about her feelings to someone. Bryce finally says what he has been thinking for a while now.  

Disclaimer: Characters, storyline, and parts of the dialogue are taken from Pixelberry’s Choices. They fully own the characters, dialogue, backgrounds, etc. MC Jordynne’s background is my own creation, based loosely off of MC in-game’s personality and provided with more details.

Author’s Note: Typing up 3600+ fanfiction on your iPhone is not very fun. If my phone calls Bryce “Bruce” one more time I may rage. I have had scenes from this chapter stuck in my head FOREVER. I’m so glad to finally post this chapter because it also means I am getting closer to the 30 diamond scene with Ethan!!!!!!! 

Also, this fic is now at over 75K words total! Which is super crazy insane. 

As always any and all likes, reblogs and comments are VERY appreciated. If you would like to tagged for future updates, please reply or send me a DM to be added to the tag list. <3

PS: Speaking of the tag list, can you tell me if your tag works?! :)I’ve been having so many issues with it, and it drives me crazy. I have gone through it and edited -- realizing there was some ppl I never added (facepalm), new handles, etc. If you ever want to be removed please just let me know!

Taglist: @drakewalkerfantasy​ @owleyes374​ @lahelable​ @mayar-mahdy​ @paisleylovergirl​ @nicquix​ @emilymay100​ @octobereighth​ @llamasgrl​ @timmagicktoad​ @lilyofchoices​ @msjpuddleduck​ @mfackenthal​ @paulfwesley​ @ccolz88-blog​ @jooous​ @themingdynasty​ @perriewinklenerdie​@mindlessdreaminxo @jens-diamondchoices​ @omgjasminesimone​ @indiacater​ @chasingrobbie​ @writingsbymissy​ @binny1985​

Previous Updates: Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part ElevenPart Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen

Song Inspiration: Ghostin’ - Ariana Grande

I know you hear me when I cry I try to hold it in the night While you're sleepin' next to me But it's your arms that I need this time 

Look at the cards that we've been dealt If you were anybody else Probably wouldn't last a day Every tear's a rain parade from hell

Baby, you do it so well

You been so understanding, you been so good And I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to Admit that it hurts you

I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again Over him, mmh I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again 'Stead of ghostin' him

Previous Chapter: Part Sixteen

It was weird coming back to Edenbrook.

It looked different somehow.

Did it though? Maybe Ethan’s mind was just playing tricks on him. Guilting him for walking away from the place he had called his home for ten years.

It was still early — and especially after a night of triage — there wasn’t a lot of staff yet. The soft light of the sun rising was cast into the atrium, turning the white walls and floors orange.

Ethan ducked into the elevator quickly — avoiding any lingering stares or confused faces. He wasn’t sure if anyone would recognize him without his white coat and quaffed hair. Not many people had seen Dr. Ramsey is wrinkled trousers and threadbare sweaters. But this was an emergency.

He walked the familiar path to the chief’s office — hesitating at the door before finally pushing himself to knock.

He heard the familiar clicks of Harper’s heels before she opened the door. Her expression was stunned — blinking at the sight of him. Then it turned — her eyebrows furrowing and arms crossing over her chest. She spun on her heel — going back into the room, and leaned against the edge of her desk.

“So it just took dropping her name to get you back here, hey?” Her mouth was gritted into a hard line.

Ethan swallowed, shoving his hands into his pockets, “What?”

“Holland. You quit, leave us high and dry, dodge my calls, tell me to fuck off —,” Harper’s nostrils flared, “But one message about Dr. Holland being suspended and here you are.”

Ethan wasn’t sure what to say.

She sighed at his silence, “Well, it’s too late — she’s suspended and the preliminary ethics hearing is in a few hours. You can’t vouch for her anymore.”

“She’s a good doctor, Harper. You know that.” He stepped forward — his blue eyes big, pleading.

“She is. And it’s a shame that she probably won’t be a doctor anymore after this.”

His stomach tightened as she said that. He couldn’t imagine her not being a doctor — everything she had worked so hard for. It just couldn’t happen. He opened his mouth to speak, but she caught him off.

“You can’t do anything, Ethan. You don’t work here anymore — you don’t have a spot on the panel.” She shook her head, her silver hoops dangling off of her ears, “And there is no chance you’re testifying.”

He took his hands out of his pockets, putting them out to her, “If anybody in this place knows her character it’s me.”

“Exactly. You’re too close to this, Ethan...,” Her brown eyes betrayed her for a moment, “I know you have feelings for her.”

“I—“ Ethan blinked, his mind whirling. He did — he knew, Jordynne knew that. And apparently, Harper did too. How did she know?

She noticed the quizzical look on his face and furrow in his brow. “I’ve seen the way you look at her — I can recognize it anywhere. You used to look at me like that. Once upon a time.”

The pair stood in silence — remembering the time that they were together. Before their schedules and administration got in the way. Before bitterness and tension settled in. Before everything had changed.

“I don’t even know if something’s happened between you two — and I don’t want to. But if the council gets a whiff of it, Ethan — it’s over. She needs a fair, clean trial. And having the Attending she may or may not be romantically involved with testify for her will not help.” Harper stepped forward, grabbing onto the crook of his elbow,  “I’m not just saying this as administration Ethan, I’m saying this as your friend. The best thing you can do for her, for both of you, is to stay out of this.”

He chewed on his lip — doing his best to keep his emotions at bay. He wanted to hold on — to fight. His heart wanted to so desperately. But his mind — it knew better. She didn’t need someone like him. A failure. The heartless robot.

“I won’t interfere,” Ethan finally croaked, looking down at his feet.

“Good.” She finally let go of his arm, pushing her hands back onto the desk. “So are you going to tell me why you quit?”

He closed his eyes — his throat closing up. What was he going to tell her? That he had secretly been treating a patient in the newly constructed wing behind her back? Oh, and that patient was Naveen — both of their long-time friend and mentor. And he had handed him his death sentence last week. “I can’t.”

“No, Ethan. You just won’t.” Harper let out an exasperated sigh, before moving around to the other side of her desk. “I have a hearing to prepare for, so if you could see yourself out.” She started shuffling through papers — not looking at him.

He stood there for a moment — and nothing came to mind. Pursing his lips, He turned on his heel and left her office — closing the door quietly behind him.

_______________________________________________________________________

Jordynne sat on the edge of her bed — the mattress sinking softly, the soft white duvet wrinkling. She let out a loud exhale — her face buried into her hands, arms propped up against her knees. She was still wearing her blouse and blazer — her attempt to look professional for her preliminary hearing.

She wasn’t sure if it had worked. The formal hearing was still called. Chief Emery announced her official suspension until then. Jordynne had to turn in her badge and watch as Zaid and Ines reassigned her cases to the other interns.

She needed to be confident — she knew that. Everything was on the line. But it’s what she had needed to do. Walking around the hospital, hiding what she had done was wrong. She had given Mrs. Martinez a chance — hope. And even though it hadn’t worked out the way they had wanted it, Jordynne knew that Teresa would not want her to regret it.

But she still couldn’t fight the aching inside her.

Falling back onto the mattress, her blonde hair fanned out behind her. She needed to focus on the hearing — this was her career, everything she had been working for. But she couldn’t help the gnawing in the back of her mind, the pain that felt like a knife slowly twisting in her stomach.

She didn’t want to leave Edenbrook. She definitely did not want to leave Boston. There were so many unanswered questions, so much more left to learn and explore and see. And the people.

Jordynne gulped guiltily. The people — that’s why she didn’t want to leave. Was it people? A certain person? Her mind was reeling.

A soft knock at her open bedroom door caused her to blink back to reality. Her eyebrows furrowed — she was home alone, all of her roommates where working shifts at the hospital. And Landry hadn’t been to the apartment in days. Thankfully.

The tiny form of Sienna poked her head around the door, her almond eyes soft. “Hey, how you holding up?”

Jordynne pushed herself up onto her elbows, looking at her roommate quizzically, “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Yeah, I just came home for my lunch instead today.” She shrugged, trying to look nonchalant.

“Sienna...”

Her friend chewed her lip, “I just wanted to make sure you were OK.”

“You don’t have to do that.” She played with her fingers, looking down at the worn floor of her bedroom.

“I know I don’t have to. But I wanted to.”

“Right,” Jordynne murmured. Another sigh escaped her lips as she fell back onto the mattress.

“Hey, everything will be okay. You’re gonna rock this trial.” Jordynne felt the mattress sink a little as her roommate sat on the edge of it.

“It’s not just the trial.” She croaked out, blinking away tears as she stared up at the ceiling.

Sienna’s eyebrows furrowed as she thought, “Is it Br—“

“It’s Ethan.” She blurted out, interrupting.

Sienna was quiet for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed even deeper. “Ramsey?”

“Yes.”

“Dr. Ramsey?” She questioned again.

She nodded.

“The Doctor Ethan Ramsey?” Her eyebrows raises high on her face, her neck strained as he looked at her friend.

“Sienna!” Jordynne reached behind her and grabbed onto a pillow. She hit her friend with it lightly.

“Sorry!” She put her hands up in defense, “It’s just just — Wow... Ethan Ramsey. And you mean... like...”

“Yeah.” Grabbing the pillow from the floor, Jordynne clutched it to her chest and she laid back down.

“Wow.” She repeated, “Did you...?”

“No! We — we’ve kissed.”

“When?!”

Jordynne’s green eyes focused on the ceiling again, her fingers nervously picking at the seams of the pillow, “Miami... At the conference. And again, the night we found out about Teresa. Right before he quit...”

Surprise washed over Sienna’s face, “Miami?! That was ages ago! You’re just telling me now?”

“I didn’t know what to make of it then.”

“And what do you make of it now?”

“I — I don’t know.” Jordynne let out a sigh, “But with everything going on right now with the trial, and suspension, and Landry... I have so many things going on right now, but the first thing I think about in the morning is him.”

Sienna settled into the bed a little deeper, crossing her legs and staring at her friend, “Does he know that?”

“We —,” She hesitated, “We’ve never really gotten the chance honestly.”

Sienna bit her lip, looking worried, “Does Bryce know?”

Jordynne nodded, “Mhmm.”

“And how did he take it?”

“Oh you know, like an absolute angel.” Tears welled up in her eyes, “Haven’t really decided anything — since we’re casual and uh, since Ethan and I are just — well, nothing really.”

“Wow,” Sienna repeated again.

“Yeah.”

“How good were those kisses?” A huge grin spread across her face, and she poked at her friend's side.

“Sienna!”

“What? I mean, it’s Dr. Dreamy Douche — only like half of Edenbrook staff have imagined kissing him.” She purses her lips, attempting to hide a blush, “Maybe including me.”

“Kissing him...,” Jordynne paused, thinking. “It felt right. And that probably sounds awful with hiding it, and Bryce, and it being so ‘complicated’,” She air-quoted the final word, “But it did.”

“Have you heard from him since he quit?”

She clutched the pillow to her chest a little tighter, “No.” She whispered. “I don’t know if I’m more afraid of never seeing him again or seeing him again, you know?”

“Oh, Jordy,” Sienna leaned over and grabbed onto her hand, clutching her fingers. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Coffees in hand, Bryce showed up as soon as his shift ended that night. He was greeted with shouts telling him the door was open — maneuvering into the apartment he saw the roommates spread throughout the living and dining room — picking at boxes of pizza. The familiar blonde was nowhere to be seen.

Closing the front door with his hip, Bryce walked in with his eyebrows raised, “Where’s Jordynne?” He asked.

Jackie nodded towards her closed bedroom door, before taking a large bite of pizza.

“She okay?” His eyebrows furrowed, pausing outside of the door.

He watched Sienna’s face fall before she quickly corrected it. “Yeah — yeah, she said the preliminary hearing went alright.”

Bryce studied her face for a moment, before nodding, “That’s good. I’ll— I’ll be back.” Still holding the paper cup in his hand, he used the back of his knuckles to knock quietly on her door, “Jordy? It’s me.”

He heard a soft “come in” from the other side of the door, and he slipped inside.  It wasn’t entirely dark in her room — there was a soft orange glow from the lamp on her bedside table, illuminating her figure as she laid in the bed.

Jordynne’s blonde hair was pulled up into a bun, her glasses sitting crooked on her nose as she hugged a pillow. Most of her body was covered by her white duvet, but Bryce knew she had her threadbare Oregon State sweater on.

“Hey,” He whispered, shuffling into the room and next to the bed. He placed one of the cups down on the nightstand, “I brought you a coffee.”

The corners of her pink lips tugged up, “Only you would feed my addiction at 9 o’clock at night.”

“Hey, I know how to deal with gremlin Jordynne any time of day.” He took a swig of his own hot drink, before setting it down next to hers. He carefully sat down on the bed, sitting in the space between her stomach and legs as she laid on her side. “So how was the preliminary hearing?”

“It was alright. Declan was there.” She rolled her eyes, “But this is what I needed to do. Teresa would want this.”

Bryce nodded along with her, before giving her a sad smile. “So if it went well, why are you hiding away in here?”

“I’m not hiding in here.”

“There are three large pizzas outside that make me think differently. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you say no to extra cheesy, greasy pizza.” He smirked.

“I—“ Her green eyes flickered to the door, betraying her, “I’m just not in the mood for it.”

He placed his hand on her side, squeezing her waist, “Talk to me, Jordynne.”

“You don’t want to hear it.” The pillowcase rustled as she shook her head.

“If it’s making you upset, I do.” He squeezed her again, Maybe I can fix it.”

“You can’t fix this, Bryce.”

He shrugged, “Try me.”

“It’s Ethan, ok?” She said quietly.

“Okay.” He chewed his lip, thinking for a moment, “You know, you don’t have to keep hiding this from me.”

“It’s just not fair to you. I don’t—“

But he caught her off, “Jordynne, I know exactly what I signed up for.”

She let out an exasperated sigh, “But I’ve made everything messy. And confusing. This isn’t what you wanted, I’m sure.”

“All I want is for you to not feel like this.” He moved his head until they were both looking at each other. His dark eyes studied her green ones, “So if that means Ethan... or me. Regardless of what happens, with the trial or with him I’m going to be here. Probably with coffee. Until you tell me not to be.” He slipped his hand into hers, squeezing it gently.

They stayed like that for a moment, before Jordynne sat up a little. Her face came towards his, and Bryce felt his breath hitch for a moment. Her pink lips grazed his cheek with a small kiss. “Thank you,” She whispered, a sad smile spreading across her face before she laid back down.

Bryce swallowed hard — burying the feelings that had flared up in him as she had neared his face. He had thought — well, it didn’t matter.  

He left a couple hours later — after finally coaxing Jordynne out of her room with the coffee and pizza and friends. He had sat across the table from her — unable to tear his eyes away.

Now, he was strolling down a sidewalk in downtown Boston. Opting to walk home instead of taking the subway — the crisp night air was turning his cheeks red. But he had needed the time to think and unwind. It was late now and everything felt heavy — his steps, the long, slow blinks of his eyes, among other things.

All at once the inky black sky opened to let out a shower of rain. It came down slowly at first, before turning into the large droplets that splatted against the sidewalk and Bryce’s face. Scrambling at first Bryce started to pull up the hood of his jacket, before laughing at himself. He was already drenched, soaked from the cool rain.

As he rounded the familiar corner near the hospital, Bryce’s eyes squinted at the familiar neon glow of a pub near his apartment. He could hear the thudding music from inside the building, muffled through the windows but getting slightly louder as patrons went in and out. He had never been inside before — usually opting for the familiar bar near the hospital instead.

As he got closer to the establishment, Bryce’s footsteps started to falter a little in the rain — noticing a figure stumble out of the bar. Just like him, they got immediately drenched by the rain — though the man had no coat like Bryce. He watched as he tipped his head back, letting the cold rain hit him in the face before barking out a hard laugh. Then the man looked to the side, finally noticed he was being watched.

Bryce studied his dark features before recognition washed over him.

It was Ramsey.

Ethan must have realized who he was too, cause in that moment he turned on his heel and began striding away in the opposite direction.

Anger boiled in Bryce as his steps moved faster to match with his — attempting to catch up to him. Jordynne has been constantly worrying, waiting to hear from him — and now he was in the city and still hadn’t reached out to her?

“Hey!” Bryce called putting after him, almost in a jog at this point. “Hey!”

“What do you want, Lahela?” Ethan slurred, finally twisting around to face him.

“What I need,” Bryce took him by the shoulders and pulled him under a nearby awning away from the rain. His breath was a little ragged, and he took a moment to take a few deep breaths, “What I need is for you to figure out what the fuck you want.”

“Excuse me?” Ethan was looking anywhere but at Bryce. He reeked of booze — the scent lingering on him even though his sweater was soaked. And he looked like, well, shit. The surgical intern had never seen the ex-Attending look so disheveled.

“This.” Bryce jabbed a finger into his chest, “You. Whatever this is — it’s killing her.”

He studied his face when he said that — noticing the guilt that washed over Ethan’s face. He knew who he is was talking about.

“What you’re doing is killing, Jordynne. I’ve never seen her like this. And it’s because of you.” Shoving his hands back into his jacket pocket, Bryce backed away from him a little. “So decide man, do you want her? Or not? Because she does. She wants you.”

The pair were silent for a moment, tension still slowly pulling between them.

Finally, Ethan spoke again. “You just admit to losing Lahela? Your girl wants me over you?”

Bryce’s nostril flared for a moment, but he pushed the anger back down. “I could give a shit about losing to you. All I care about is her being happy. And for some god damn reason, you do that for her.

I could care less about being her second choice. I could be her hundredth choice, and I would still be ecstatic. Because everyday with her is like winning the god damn lottery. And if you don’t fucking realize that, then you need to let her go. Because it’s killing her. And I can’t watch it anymore.”  

Ethan’s steely eyes were wide for a moment, and his Adam’s Apple dropped as he took a hard swallow. “How long have you been preparing that?”

“Since the moment I found out how she felt about you.” Bryce let out a long breath through his nose, “In my head, there was a pretty good right hook to your face too. But I figure I shouldn’t do that.”

“Thanks.” Ethan breathed out. Bryce watched him stumble a little towards the curb, before lowering himself onto it and sitting down. Ethan put his face into his hands.

Letting out a sigh, he sat down next to him — feeling his jeans get soaked from the water running off the sidewalk. “Why are you being like this?”

“Well, I would approximate that I’m at 0.15% Blood Alcohol Content right now. That probably has something to do with it.”

“That’s not what I—,” Bryce chewed on the inside of his cheek, “Then why are you drinking like this? To forget?”

“Maybe to remember,” Ethan said quietly.

The pair watched in silence as a car drove by on the other side of the road — hitting a puddle and sensing a large spray of water over the asphalt.

“I’m not what they think I am.”

Bryce’s eyebrows furrowed, “What?”

“Jordynne. Naveen. Harper. All of them. I’m not what they think I am.” Ethan waved his arm at himself, sitting on the curb, “This is the real Ethan Ramsey.”

“Jordynne doesn’t seem to think so.” He gulped.

“Well, she’s wrong.” Ramsey croaked.

“Maybe you should let her decide that.” Bryce put his hands on his knees and pushed himself off of the curb. “And stop ghosting her. Talk to her.”

“I—“

“No. This,” Bryce pointed to Ethan drunkenly sitting on the curb, “Is not helping anyone.”

Finally, he offered his hand out to Ethan. He hesitated, but then grabbed onto the surgical intern's tan hand and allowed him to help him up. “I still don’t like you though.”

“I know.”

“And you don’t like me.”

“Nope.”

“But I — we,” Bryce corrected himself, “We like Jordynne. So.”

“Yeah.”

Bryce didn’t say anything else. He noticed a cab turning the corner near them, and he flagged them down with a wave. “You too drunk to remember where you live?”

“Hyde Park?” Ethan asked through the open window of the cab. He got a nod from the driver, and he pulled the door open. Ethan paused with the door open, “I’d offer to share the cab, but I feel like if you spend any more time with me I risk getting that right hook to the face?”

“Yup,” Bryce said coolly.

Ethan barked out a laugh, before giving Bryce a final nod and slipped into the cab.

He watched the yellow cab pull away, and he finally realized how long he had been standing (and sitting) in the rain for. Pulling out his phone, he sighed when he noticed the time and pocketed it again.

What had he gotten himself into?

Part Eighteen

#open heart #open heart fanfiction #oh fanfiction #open heart fanfic #choices fanfiction #choices fanfic #choices: open heart #choices: oh #choices open heart #choices oh #ethan ramsey #dr. ethan ramsey #dr ethan ramsey #dr ramsey #bryce lahela #open heart mc #ethan ramsey x mc #mc x ethan ramsey #bryce lahela x mc #mc x bryce lahela #dr ethan ramsey x mc #ethan ramsey fanfic #bryce lahela fanfic

[mastcrplanncr-a]

issue #23 made me really heccin’ emo over eggman and sonic. i was prepared for it, but also ?? not prepared??? holy frick im just gonna ramble under the cut.

first of all, i’m just gonna’ idly ramble about some things i noticed.

Eggman, literally 11 issues ago:

he makes these off remarks and then changes his mind whenever it’s convenient for him smh. that or hes a freaking liar and. WELL THAT’S PRETTY TRUE HONESTLY.

i’ma be honest fam starline is a freaking mood rn. it’s ?? so dumb?? LIKE EGGMAN WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING FAILSAFE UR SOLUTION WAS “not touching the robots hurr durr” PL EASE.

In retrospect, though, this is an interesting parallel to Forces because he’d apparently learned from his mistakes. TBF, and it has been brought up elsewhere on tumblr, this is a man recovering from amnesia. He must’ve just not gotten to that part. OR HE’S JUST. DUMB AND ARROGANT. Like, yeah, sure, there’s no vaccine - lol the heroes can’t fix anything & it also means you’re valuable because you’re the one person who can. BUT COME ON EGGMAN.

my friend actually predicted this holy shit. i was rambling abt a discussion we had in the egg cult, where we were talking about the possibility of sonic infecting eggman to blackmail him into getting the cure because he’s reached the point?? hes so done with eggman’s shit??? all his friends are in danger and hes backed into a wall what else is he to do than do the one thing he doesn’t want to: use eggman’s tactics against him?

and my friend was like:

LIKE. IT IS A HUGE RISK, and Sonic went FOR IT. I’M SCREAMING TBH.

THIS CONFRONTATION WAS SO FUCKING RAW YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. I thought I was ready for it but I really, REALLY wasn’t. I love the little details of Starline bein’ like: “oh fuck” - usually he’s pretty cocky around Sonic but uh. HE’S INFECTED NOW. And the zero remark - idk if that’s intentional on the writer’s part but ZERO TO HERO anyone?

anyway toxi broke down crying at this point. you have no idea how much i was sobbing over my blue son just. pouring out his heart to his nemesis. that’s top tier tearjerking material.  also starline passive aggressively readjusting his outfit lmfao. BITCH IM FABULOUS. but man the usage of ‘ BE’ and ‘LIKE’ - Sonic knows who Eggman is; he’d never ask him to be something he’s not. but it’s also a reiteration of sonic’s want to see good in him; being LIKE tinker is a statement in that he wanted eggman to be who he was, but NOT to go back. to do good for the world. have it be his own decision, because deep deep down:

isn’t that what he really wants?

Also, although there are those sickly sweet descriptions, the usage of ellipses in this narrative really fucks me up because you can practially hear the gradual realization in eggman’s voice. his mockery starts out so !!! but it just eventually gets straight to the point, as a list. as a routine. because he was used to it. and because, some part of him misses it. notice the usage of ‘need’ and ‘use’. they needed him, and yet he used the people that appreciated him sm like puppets.

some nice guilt there, huh, doc?

ALSO I SPENT LIKE, HOURS TRYING TO FIND THIS EXACT DIALOGUE, but Eggman has a conversation in Dark Brotherhood with Sonic and makes this remark:

LIKE??? this isn’t new to his character, actually? Ignoring the ken penders thing bc smh. Going by this game he’s actually kind of okay with that set up. And he just works so well with the others too??? this isn’t even taking into account the other games he’s teamed up with them. I’m sorry but my head just goes back to this line so many times; it’s one of the ones that stick with me, along with ‘complicated guy’ from lost world. HE COULD!! legitimately do good. and he actually doesn’t find it too bad??? IM EMO MAN...

and IMAGINE making super cool things that people genuinely like... eggman has a HUGE ego, that much is very apparent; he’s super big on appreciation as comes with. and with tinker? he had that - he felt appreciated and loved. people LIKED what he made, and he didn’t have to bend over backwards to have that. his work felt included and he didn’t have to take that appreciation by force like he did with his lackeys (which half the time was fake anyway) .

first and foremost - WE SEE THAT OPEN YOUR HEART REFERENCE, IDW. also sonic’s frustration here, in comparison to the lil smile the panel before - he’s just!! “WHY CANT YOU WAKE THE FRICK UP OLD MAN”. the justification here seems a tad bit like DENIAL to me. and the justification seems... kind of odd from him? since when does EGGMAN justify anything he does? He does what he wants and when he wants, because he’s the E.G.G.M.A.N. he doesn’t care what anyone thinks... right?

it’s because - especially with the usage of better - he didn’t like where that train of thought was going. for once, he’s justifying himself - because the alternative is admitting sonic is right. that he did like that life. that he’d want to go back. throw it in a hierachy and it’s all so simple, right?

also the inclusion of open your heart lyrics here. the incident with chaos was just as catastrophic. and these lyrics in context of the previous panel, highlights how sonic and eggman both seek unity and peace but in their own ways; eggman’s is just evil. it seems a little bit of a diversion to me - to antagonise sonic and make him forget about it. what better way to do that than to relate to him? ‘own styles that we won’t change’ highlights a stubbornness in ways, too, especially with the current context of eggman denying his old life. ALSO IT IS LITERALLY TELLING EGGMAN TO OPEN HIS HEART.

and ngl this seems like idle banter to hide the fact he genuinely felt remorse for his actions for a second. because lbr he has a habit of being all talk when a plan goes wrong or suffering inside,

which starline does quite pointedly explain.

As I was saying above, Sonic has no choice in what to do now - he’s reaching his limit. OR ELSE. hes pondering doing the thing he doesnt want to do. and honestly, ‘you can’t stop me. no one can,’ is so hardhitting not just because of its looming threat, but because of how much it solidifies for sonic that he can’t take the chance anymore. if anyone is going to change eggman, it has to be himself.

also can i just cry over how much sonic trusts tails. im getting sa2 flashbacks.

also man i’d like to point out the specific use of ‘lock you away forever’. it coooould be a reference to sonic’s time imprisoned during the events of sonic forces. bitterness?

NOT SAYING I CALLED IT, BUT I CALLED IT. it still hurts though. and wow, it really is horrifying when eggman fears his own heccin’ creation, huh?

i live for sonic being passive aggressive with eggman. give me more please.

im immensely concerned the direction starline is going, honestly. but it does say a lot about eggman; how he’ll keep trying the same things expecting different results, but failing and never seeing that. because he’s EGGMAN; every plan is brilliant by default!

i love how sonic just !!! SHOT... THE MOMENT HE WAS REMINDED WHAT WAS AT STAKE. son i love you so much you’re doing great sweetie

also, man, can we talk about eggman avoiding his blatant faults, and shoving his failures onto someone else? because this little scene here - eggman ur literally the one who crashed the thing. it had absolutely nothing to do with sonic. i feel as though this is symbolism of his self-destructive nature, honestly. hes always gotta make things harder for himself. (also starline’s face is killing me)

Eggman does what he has to, but technology won’t work every time you kick it. he thinks he can get everything through force but we have several instances in idw where force did NOT work out; you’re not gonna get far, egghead.

MHM, and just who does that sound like, Eggman? honestly the mirrors between these two are seriously destroying me. although sonic is in a horrible position, so is eggman; he likes to think he’s won the war, but hes surpassed his own expectations, and that’s going to backfire on him eventually. hes stubborn to admit he has NO REIGN over this and they’re all doomed, so he’s pinning his failures / loss on Sonic.

is that the amnesia kicking ya in the shin, eggman? or sonic’s reality check? either way, the doc hates emotions. dammit man why you gotta make him emo

future eggman is going to kick past eggman in the kneecaps. it’s times like this ur reminded how much of a kid he is. eugh but that’s work i want my victory and senseless destruction now. honestly if the doc is after success, he is certainly not getting it this way and I AM FEARING FOR EVERYONE’S LIVES. he’ll probably have to work with what’s left of the resistance like the back end of most games at some point.

I’m getting a little burnt out but i can’t forget my son and how much he hurts me.

first of all that third panel terrifies me. the fact it GOT that far does me great concern. the RED EYES? that’s pushing it fam i dont like that. the expressions are also just freaking destroying me; they’ve been PERFECT this issue. and the fact sonic is at his weakest when he feels like he’s failed everyone hurts me deeply. he has SO much on his shoulders and its getting too overwhelming for him.

also man... the whole thing with eggman... just stuff me man. but it hurts all the more because it’s so glaringly clear that there is?? some good in eggman??? he just. doesn’t want to admit it. and unfortunately these aren’t good circumstances to debate on that.

ANYWAY, THAT ISSUE WAS AGONY AND IM STILL REELING AND HAVENT EVEN. TALKED ALL THAT MUCH ABOUT SONIC HERE (on account of this being eggman’s blog) but idk if i’ll write anything on that.

gonna go cry about an egg now brb

#▷ 𝙊𝙃 ; 𝙎𝙃𝙐𝙏 𝙐𝙋! ( .ooc ) #sonic idw spoilers #idw spoilers #long post #tw: swearing