rewind the tape (pause)
I’m blaming @yramesoruniverse for this one. And apologizing in advance. Spec fic for Cursed. On ao3 here.
There are many things Buck never expected to happen in his life.
Growing up in Pennsylvania, he never thought he would end up in Los Angeles. After getting kicked out of college, he wasn’t sure he would ever find a place, a career, that made him feel truly fulfilled.
He never anticipated that he would find a family, find a purpose. At least, not to the extent he has.
Eddie. Christopher. The life they’ve built together.
But more than anything else? He definitely never thought he’d see the day when Eddie showed up on his doorstep and kissed him senseless.
And yet.
Eddie said: “I love you.”
Eddie said: “Be with me.”
Eddie said: “It’s not a mistake,” and, “Let me make you happy,” and, “Take your time.”
And afterwards, Eddie hadn’t pushed, hadn’t pressured him, hadn’t let anything change—hell, Eddie hadn’t even kissed him again. True to his word, he’d simply…given Buck time to think.
And Buck—
Buck had finally said, “Okay.”
On one condition.
Which is why he’s sitting in the parking lot at the beach, trying to breathe through the panic threatening to strangle him as he waits for Christopher’s surfing lesson to end. Because if he and Eddie are going to do this—as terrified as he is of fucking it up—then it needs to at least start off on the right foot.
No secrets. No lies.
If he and Eddie are going to do this, if they’re going to be in a real relationship? Then Buck needs them to be in it in front of Christopher.
So. They’re telling him today.
Buck’s phone buzzes in the cupholder.
I’ve spent enough time in that jeep to recognize it, Eddie texts.
Stop freaking out. Everything’s going to be fine.
I love you.
Buck’s heart squeezes painfully.
Eddie is so comfortable with this. So confident. So sure. So…unafraid.
Buck wishes he had half of Eddie’s sense of ease.
For his part, he hasn’t even been able to say it back. I love you.
It’s stupid. It’s only three words. He said them to Taylor, and his feelings for her didn’t hold a candle to his feelings for Eddie.
But, he can’t seem to manage it.
He feels too much, is the problem. Too much love, too much fear, too much doubt.
It overwhelms.
But he said yes. He’s saying yes. So he just…needs to get out of the car.
“You know you probably jinxed us with that,” Buck calls when he’s close enough to catch Eddie’s eyes across the remaining sand. “Insisting it’ll be fine—that’s like saying the q-word on shift.”
Eddie laughs and holds out his hand. Buck only hesitates a little before taking it.
“Jinxes still aren’t real,” Eddie replies. “And Christopher loves you. Even if it’s weird at first, he’ll be fine.”
Buck forces a smile, his stomach in knots. “I hope you’re right.”
As they watch, Christopher washes back into shore with his instructor, a bright grin on his face.
“Dad! Did you see me?”
“Yeah, buddy,” Eddie calls back. “You look great.”
A moment later, Christopher starts to make his way over to them. Buck takes a step forward and his eyes light up.
“Buck—dad didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“Well, I wanted to surprise you,” Buck manages. Fuck, he feels like he could throw up.
Christopher opens his mouth, but then freezes. The smile drops off his lips, the light goes out of his eyes, and his face shutters.
Buck follows the direction of his gaze—oh.
Eddie is still holding his hand.
Buck snatches it away on instinct, panic flaring again.
“Chris—”
“How could you?” It’s bitter, accusing, and at first Buck thinks it’s directed at Eddie. But Christopher’s eyes meet his instead, wide and brimming with betrayal, and the world drops out from underneath him.
“You promised,” Chris says. “You said you were my friend. You said you weren’t going anywhere.”
“Christopher, I’m <em>not</em> going anywhere,” Buck insists. “Why would you think—”
“Because that’s what always happens! You can’t date each other—Something will go wrong and dad won’t fix it and then you’ll leave, just like mom!”
Eddie sucks in a sharp breath at Buck’s side, but Buck barely hears it. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion, seeing it from outside his body and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
“That’s not fair,” Eddie says quietly, his voice steady even as his face reveals that he’s visibly shaken. “Chris—this is nothing like—I’m not going to make the same mistakes again. You don’t have to worry about that.”
But Christopher doesn’t look at Eddie—his eyes stay fixed on Buck, and it’s like he sees, like he knows every thought, every doubt in Buck’s mind.
“You lied,” he says, and Buck feels it like a slap.
“I didn’t.” His voice cracks. “I swear I didn’t. You can trust me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“For now.”
“No, never.” At his side, Eddie starts to take a step forward, but Buck puts out a hand to stop him. He looks over, catches Eddie’s gaze—Buck sees both the realization of what he’s about to do and the accompanying resignation creep across Eddie’s face just before he adds—
“Nothing’s going to change, because we’re not going to date, okay? If you don’t want me to be with your dad like that, then I won’t.”
“Buck,” Eddie sighs, and look, Buck gets it, but his every instinct is screaming at him to either run away or fix this, and running would just make it worse, so…he’s taking the path of least resistance.
Christopher chews his lip for a long moment, before nodding once and giving them his back.
“I’ll be at the car,” he mutters, and Buck wants to follow him, but he’s pretty sure he’s done enough damage for one day.
Eddie is quiet as they track Christopher across the sand.
“I wish you hadn’t said that,” he says finally.
“It’s not the right time,” Buck replies. “You saw how upset he was—“
“Yes, I did. And clearly there are some unresolved feelings about a lot of things that I didn’t realize he was dealing with that warrant a much longer discussion and maybe a few more sessions with his therapist. But Buck…”
Eddie scrubs a hand over his face and then rakes it through his hair.
“Part of being a parent? Is knowing there are times when he’s going to be mad at you,” he points out. “And sometimes—a lot of the time, actually—you’re going to have to let him be. You can’t fix the real problem by just giving him whatever he wants.”
“Why not?” Buck argues. “I told you I couldn’t do this if he wasn’t on board—what we have? You and me? And what I have with him? It’s too important. I’m not going to fuck that up by moving too fast when everything is fine the way it is!”
“He’s scared,” Eddie replies. “So are you. So am I, for that matter. The difference is, I’m willing to be scared together.”
The way Eddie’s looking at him, frustration mixed with fond exasperation, makes Buck feel too exposed.
“I’m not a coward.”
“I didn’t say you were.” Eddie shrugs. “Look, I promised I could wait until you were ready and I meant it. I’ll wait as long as it takes. But I’m not going to let you lie to me or to yourself in the meantime. And what just happened? That was not about Christopher, that was not for him. That was for you.”
He turns his gaze back to where Christopher is a fair bit of the way to the parking lot.
“I should go.”
Buck swallows hard. He wants to sink into the ground.
“Yeah.”
“I love you,” Eddie says. “I’m going to keep saying it until you believe me.”
“I do believe you. I just—” It’s me I don’t trust.
Eddie nods. “See you tomorrow?”
“See you tomorrow.”
And then Eddie is gone, following Christopher across the sand, and Buck is left alone. Alone on a beach, watching the waves crash against the shore. Alone.
He said Eddie jinxed them, but if Buck’s honest, he doesn’t think that’s it.
It’s him. He’s pretty sure he’s just cursed.
Because somehow, no matter how far he comes, how much he grows, how much work he does, he always seems to end up right back here.
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damn you look so happy now
She immediately turned around to find Christopher Diaz sitting at one of the café tables. He had grown so much since the last time she had seen him-- when he was sitting at his dining room table after the blackout and she had to say a goodbye she had seen coming.
-or-
Ana runs into the Buckley-Diaz family at a coffee shop
1.3k on ao3
Ana didn’t notice them right away. She’s not sure if they had just come in or if she was just distracted thinking about the back-to-back meetings she was set to endure today.
She had been standing in line at the coffee shop down the road from the school, waiting patiently to place her order, when the sound of familiar laughter cut through her thoughts. It had been years since she had heard that laugh, and while it was just the tiniest bit deeper and a little less loud, she would know it anywhere.
She immediately turned around to find Christopher Diaz sitting at one of the café tables. He had grown so much since the last time she had seen him-- when he was sitting at his dining room table after the blackout and she had to say a goodbye she had seen coming.
Ana was expecting to see either Eddie or Carla close by. Instead, standing next to the table was Buck. She really didn’t know Buck all too well. All of their interactions had come on the heels of Eddie being shot by the sniper, and then they had mostly been in passing as they traded off caretaker duties.
After all this time, Ana was not too big to admit that Buck had been a lifesaver during those months afterward. She was too small to support Eddie’s weight, which was necessary a lot of the time because he was nothing if not stubborn and hated being in one place for too long. So having Buck there to move him from room to room and hold him up in the shower had been a huge help. She also was not too big to finally admit that the emotion that formed in the pit of her stomach after that first week was jealousy.
She had watched the way that Buck moved through the Diaz’s lives. Not like her, a clear guest trying to fit herself into the life they already had, but like he had been a vital part of it for a long time now. The way he was in every corner of every facet of their very existence. From pictures hanging on the walls to the spare toothbrush that had been in the bathroom long before Eddie was shot.
Ana was still debating acknowledging the pair when she caught Buck’s eyes. Recognition flickered across his face but it was also clear he was hesitant about what to do. He rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand and raised his left hand in a half wave.
Before she could do anything in response the barista cleared his throat to let her know it was her turn to order. She turned to face him and ordered her latte with a faint blush coloring her cheeks. She quickly paid and moved over to where the orders came out. As she stood there, she resolved herself to go over and say hi. Buck had always been pleasant toward her and she did miss Christopher.
However, they beat her to it.
The faint clacking of Christopher’s crutches on the tiles was her only warning before she heard “Ana?”
She turned around and let her lips curve into a genuine smile.
“Christopher. It’s so good to see you. You’ve grown so much since the last time I saw you,” she replied cheerily. “And Buck.”
“Hi Ana,” Buck smiled sheepishly. He had a nervous energy about him and she wasn’t sure why exactly. She chalked it up simply to her being his best friend’s ex. “How have you been? Still assistant principal…ing?” He winced, clearly a bit flustered and embarrassed.
“I’ve been good, thanks. Yes, I’m still assistant principal, just at a new school,” she laughed lightly. “What about the two of you?”
Christopher immediately jumped in with stories of his last year of middle school and it was obvious Buck was happy to let him take over, watching him with the soft fondness Ana had grown used to seeing on Buck’s face when he was looking at a Diaz.
Ana listened intently but in the corner of her eye she watched Buck pull out his phone and begin typing. It was then that she saw the gold band on his ring finger. She remembered that Buck had been dating the red-headed reporter the last time she had seen him and filed it away to ask him about once Christopher was done with his stories.
The barista finally called Ana’s drink out and she excused herself to grab it from the counter. When she returned she looked at Buck and blew on her coffee as she asked, “I see you’re married. Is it to that reporter you had been dating?”
Buck’s entire face immediately flushed as he stuttered over his words. “A-actually, um, no. No, um--” but he was cut off by another very familiar voice.
“Babe! Sorry I’m late,” and Eddie Diaz, not seeing Ana, slid up to Buck’s side and planted a kiss on his cheek.
When Eddie did turn and notice Ana, a hundred emotions seemed to pass across his face, but she was too busy letting the pieces fall into place to really register it.
As she thought back it made perfect sense that Eddie would end up with Buck. The entire time they had dated it had felt like Eddie was just out of reach. Never fully in the moment-- or the relationship for that matter. Like he was standing behind a glass wall. How had she not realized that glass wall was Buck?
She watched Buck and Eddie exchange a look and could tell they were having an entire conversation with only their eyes. Just like they had always done.
She let them squirm for another second before she let herself smile. “Congratulations you two. How long have you been married?”
Buck’s shoulders relaxed and Eddie’s jaw untensed.
“Two years in May,” Eddie replied, wrapping an arm around Buck’s waist and grinning brighter than she had ever seen, as though he couldn’t help it.
“For their first anniversary Dad and I asked Buck to adopt me!” Christopher chimed in, clearly proud, causing Buck to somehow turn even redder.
“That’s so exciting,” she addressed Christopher then turned to look at the other two, “and I’m so happy for you both.”
A moment of silence fell between them until Buck spoke up. “Hey, Chris, it looks like someone stole our table. Why don’t you find another and save it. Dad and I will be right over.”
He nodded and said goodbye to Ana before turning to complete his mission.
Once Christopher was out of earshot, Eddie started speaking. “Ana--”
“Eddie,” she interrupted softly, “I mean it when I say I’m happy for you.” She blushed and looked down, “No snide comments or resentment this time.” Meeting his eyes again, she continued. “I know I wasn’t who you saw when you pictured a family. And I don’t blame you anymore. You already had a family.” She looked at Buck, then behind them at Christopher who had secured a table and was now playing on his phone. “I’m proud of you for figuring it out.”
At that Buck ducked his head while Eddie leveled her with a gentle look. “Thank you, Ana. I truly am sorry for how I treated you.”
She waved her hand dismissively. “Water under the bridge.” And at that moment her phone beeped, reminding her about the meeting she had in half an hour. “I really have to be going, but it was nice to see you all again.”
They exchanged goodbyes and Ana turned toward the door. When she reached it she paused for a moment to glance back, catching as Eddie kissed Buck softly, pulling away to look at him as though he had hung the stars.
She walked out of the coffee shop with a smile on her face.
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