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lord-kiwi-the-wizard · 1 year

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The Dreamscape

Once more it seems i’ve fallen asleep. It is dark and cold and oh so more comfy than a moment ago. I cant even remember going to bed or what i was doing. My head feels dizzy and the mists as thick as cake rolls in. how can a mist have the consistency of cake. I reach out for the cake. This is the ground. Ah. i push myself up it is still foggy but soon that fog rolls away. It is bright today. I love it when its bright. That means things are going good. I stand up and brush myself off. Its little more than a gesture really. Im not normally this awake when im asleep. Its what you would call a contradiction. Its what I call a contradiction and im the only important one here. Huh. im here and little else. The ground it seems has more colour over yonder. Neat. i walk down the path. It is a degrassed dirt path that is hardened with sunshine and track beating. Hedges of green flank me side by side. I see cottages and small houses on small plots of land beyond the hedges. There are all sorts of people. I cant clearly make out what theyre doing. Perhaps my imagination in this dream isnt fully awake. Most people here are peacefully within their homes or outside enjoying themselves. I see two people discussing the past while a group of strangers sit by and occasionally pipe in. wonderful. As i walk down the road i see an old hag of a lady babbling to herself about a hundred different things. Theres a small gathering of people around her like human shaped cats. She occasionally yells at one or another for telling her what they though of her or what they think she is. I know exactly what i am! She would yell. I cannot hear the people with her say anything but im certain thats whats being said. Who has a one sided conversation with someone like that? I hop the hedge which is about as high as my legs and walk over. The grass here is full of sporadic bushes and small stones covered in moss. There a tiny bog pond with a statue that looks remarkably like a dead person. I sort of pause and look at a little longer. Its mouth is agape and its expression is… hard to describe. The word pog comes to mind but it looks more like the man was gut punched. He is covered in thick moss save for the mouth and closed eyes. Freaky thing to keep in a pond. The lady seems to be ignoring me and keeps rattling off to no one in particular. She contradicts herself five times in one rant only to say in her next rant that its not only human to contradict yourself but also to lie and lie often. Shes rather wise i thought. As my brain tried to unravel her nonsense and found many unconnected threads of truth. She then started biting one of the people present who only blushed as he started bleeding. Ok weird. I walk over join the group. She flings back into another rant about her life and experiences which seem to follow her current philosophy. Neat. i add in my own experiences to the conversation. She suddenly goes wild. Her eyes bulging. Her skirt flowering out as if it were inflating beneath her. She reached under and removed a menacing knife from what i could only assume was her nickers. Oh fuck. She began screaming at me. How dare i enter her house. How dare i abuse her space. How dare i. How dare it all be about me. I flee in horror as the others sit around and watch the assault like nothing new was happaning and i leap over the hedge. I start running fast down the road. The sky was getting gray and clouds began to form and the colour was beginning to be sapped from the very landscape. I look back but the old hag was no were to be seen. I slow my pace. Im scared and anxious. Like a rat bastard with huge teeth was about to jump out and nab me. The road was lined with fences and small shrubs. I couldnt see over them. I couldnt see much of what people were doing now. Was i no longer allowed? We all occupied this small space together right? I could hear all sorts. Partying, carrying on and even shouting and abuse over the fences. At one point i hear a scuffle. I try to pull myself over the fence to see whats going on. There are three men in white masks kicking a poor man huddled on the ground. They shout about taxation, exploitation and how the man does not own the land he lives on or has the right to have a say in who gets to live there. I dont know if the mans allright. I dont even try to help. Im afraid. I drop down and start running again. What if they saw me. I have no where to go. The path was flanked by concrete walls that aimlessly tower into the sky. Why… why am i running. I look back. Its a dark alleyway that is blocked by a chained fence. I can only go forward. As i walk forward i notice the walls are tagged in long winded paragraphs with neat colourful pictures illustrating the walls on occasion. Neat. i stop to look at one. Its a picture of a clown. He looks upset, perhaps stressed. There is some text but it has been tagged over with smaller more happy clowns under it. Weird. I dont want to read a wall of text on the wall. A lot of it looks political, doesnt concern me. Kind of… deranged, like someone is calling out for help to an audience of beggars and back ally thugs. I see an opening ahead. I walk forth. As i step out im nearly blinded by the sun above as i see a grand sight. Tall buildings in every direction covered in signs and electronic billboards. Theres even some art being shown off. The plaza im now in looks very inviting there are orange leaved trees surrounded by benches. There are no roads just open space and people walking around and sitting around. I look up again as i hear the sound of a electric train. It runs on rails that sit on pillars that go up into the air. They zoom by with great speed. I can even see walkways higher up alongside the buildings and between them with similar looking plazas in high places. I step out in awe oblivious to my surroundings for only a few moments before the people begin to feel off. Very off. I look around and see everyone in gray suits and white masks. Very bland. Like just gray business suits. The masks are different looking on occasion. Some are painted and some even have full on paintings and illustrations on them. Like someone supplanted a picture onto the surface. I walk out into the plaza and try to keep my nerves calm but a few people stop and stare at me. The people ive met here so far are either insane or vacant. And these people are no different. They stare at me unmovinglingly as if i was the center of attention. Soon a crowed began to amass around me and i was surrounded. I stopped. They were everywhere. Looking at me. One of them lurched forward almost like he was possessed by a brain eating worm under that thing. His muscles spasamed and drool was beginning to stain his suit his shoulders were raised to his ears. He whispered. Heretic… It was dead quite, no one made a sound so the whisper carried over like a pricing note. What? His body convulsed as he threw his head back. HERETIC!!! He shouted as he fell to the ground and began to shake. The man was clearly having a seizure and would die if i did nothing but as i stepped towards him more strange staunch men in plain masks stepped out from the crowed towards me. Im not a hero. Im just… scared. I stepped back as they shambled towards me. The rest of the crowed watching like it was all some great big performance. The man on the ground began to get up and started running towards me. I panicked and turned to my left and ran bowling into the crowed. I kept my head low as tears filled my eyes almost blinding me. The strange men in suits and masks didnt make any attempt to stop me. Nor did they make any attempt to move out of the damn way. It was a rough sea of people and gray suits and over coats. Some were brown some were trenchcoats one or another were a sort of black but soon a hand grabbed my own. Come with me. I didnt exactly have a choice but a voice devoid of malice was the only thing i could cling to in that mess. I was dragged through the crowed like they were made of water and soon we were on the outside. I was being dragged along by a masked man in an olive brown coat. He dragged me around a small wall the jutted out from the building. It was a wall that was designed to stop people walking into the pit some stairs had dug into the ground to let people enter a lower floor. Behind this wall was a 2ft high window that was wide like a slit adjacent with the ground. He got on his butt and slipped legs first through the slit pushing the little window back as he dipped inside. Not wanting to be caught out in the open i follow suit. Legs first then my ba-AHHHH. I bend wrong as i slide in as my back connects with the edge bending my back too much from the pressure as i push the rest of me in. there is no surface for my legs to catch on and i fall a good distance into the ground hurting my hands and legs and back. I am in pain. Sorry about that. I look up. The man in the olive brown coat and a mask with blues and reds and purples painted on his mask is just standing there in a broad stance. Ahhh ha ha… he sits down on a leather couch infront of a wooden coffee table. Theres a nice green mat on it with a kettle and two cups. And a few other silver wares. Tea? He asks. I try to get up using another couch next to me and sit down across from him. I am in a lot of pain right now. True. True? I shake my head. He pours out a cup of tea and adds some milk. Sugar? Err… yes please. He puts a single teaspoon of sugar in my cup and stirs it before pushing it towards me. Does this man intend to drink with his mask on? No. he removes his mask which is attached to a black elastic hood to seemingly fully obscure his face. He was a young looking man with long curly hair, brown eyes and a short beared. Who are you? I asked. A stranger. Wow, very helpful nice introduction. He sipped his tea and sort of resented doing so by the look on his face. Clearly he’s just trying to be accommodating. Which is a first. Nothings spiraling out of shape here everythings still the same. I take a sip of my tea. It tastes weirdly faint of chocolate. Weird tea bags. I looked at him and he was just staring at me with a piercing gaze. Like he was looking at a point behind my head. I had to strain to not lookbehind me. I was sweating up a storm. Ummmm.. Thank you for helping me out back there err. Stranger. No problem. You dont look like your from around here. Its my damn dream of course not. I need to get going soon but i know you must have a lot of questions so ask away. Questions? I couldnt get your name and now your offering. If he hasnt got time to answer my questions i better make them count. What is this place. My house. Ehhh! I figured that! I mean what is this place. As in outside too. Oh, thats spiral city. A utopia if you can believe it. A utopia? Everyone here is mad not to mention it sort of appeared. Ok so who were those people. He shrugged. Assholes i guess. Unhelpful. They sort of tried to attack me. Who are they its kind of important and whats with the masks. He looked at me again with that scaring look of his like his eyes were about to drill into my brain. This isnt a Q&A its an interrogation! People around here dont like the idea of freedom of expression. You dont question anything. You dont make anything you alone want. You dont stand out more than your allowed. And if you do, you better be there to outperform every son of a bitch in that there supermarket. We’re in a city! Not a super market who talks like that. He stands up. One final question before i go. He pauses… oh i thought he had a question for me no its for him ok an important one. An important one. Hmmm. Do you like it here mr? He looks up at the ceiling it looks clean and polished. Which people generally dont keep. He speaks without looking back at me. We get free healthcare, free food, free housing, free time and a small allowance for any luxuries or small time trading. Its nice here. Its peaceful. You arnt afraid your being enslaved here? He looks down at me without tilting his head. And turns around. I’ve no more time for questions right now. They're going to turn out the lights soon. The lights? You mean the sun right? Right? Or do they have access to your apartment lights too. Hey im talking to you! He had already left. And now i was alone. What a weird dream. This sucks and i hurt. You dont hurt in dreams. I’ve had my lungs fill with water harmlessly and even been sawn in half once without hurting. This sucks. I finish my tea and lie my sore self down on the couch and grab a pillow and drift off to sleep. Sleep while asleep. This place is weird.

#unedited #microfiction #story

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insufferablelust · 4 years

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THE ARTIST AND HIS MUSE (v)

Hi lovely people! it’s me again with the fifth installment of TAAHM, hopefully y’all enjoy this, as always thank you for your support, and excuse the grammatical errors. As i said before, this story is dark themed, so it can get triggering to some people, please read the warning, and read at your own risk.

WARNINGS : BEWARE DARK FIC. SMUT, Angst to the max, Mental Illness (PTSD, with severe anxiety and depression), Some Fluff, hints/mention of Suicide (doesn’t happen), Psychological abuse (in flashbacks), over sensitivity (both sexual and non sexual), hints of Masochism, Anxiety attack, Soft raw tender moments, aaand thats it.

———————

A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.To him a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. —Pearl S. Buck.

———🍃———

Little did they know, that night is going to be the beginning of a roller coaster ride.

———//———

It was already late when she opened her eyes the next day, her soft sigh occupied the quiet room as she scanned for the one person she craved the most, biting her lips at the cold left side of the bed sheet. However, he’s kind enough to leave the only thing she could reminisce about last night in a form of a long letter note he left on her night table, written with purple ink,

“Good Morning Y/N,

I hope you’re feeling well, although knowing how anxious you can get, i know your mind would wander off and we don’t want that. If you can remember what i said, then good but if you can’t, i said that i left because it’s more convenient for the both of us, not because i don’t want to be with you. Believe me, watching you sleep right now really put an image inside my memory that i’ll never forget, you’re so beautiful.

I hope you don’t mind, but i put on Debussy on your vinyl right now. I want you to know that we’ll still talk about it, preferably today, maybe we can go have dinner unless we have a case. There are things i never got the chance to say, and i think its time i finally tell you, later.

As for your past, we’ll also talk about that too. But i want you to not worry— yes i’m disappointed still, but i know why you did what you did. We’ll figure out a way.

Lastly, please take care.

Spencer R.”

By the time she had finished reading, her internal being is overflowing with emotions, dangerous ones that she won’t be able to control and she knows this. Her eyes teared up at the sight of ‘Classical Lover Etiquettes’ cued up on her record player. Her legs were incredibly sore, as much as her thighs and arms. There was just so much that’s happening, so much to feel, and she needed to escape.

Her feet dragged her to the balcony, inhaling the scent of life, breathe in heavily as she hoped— cross her fingers hoping to die that the amount of oxygen would be able to drown her from all the confusion, even more so the horrors that started to flows back in. Spencer opened a large deep wound that she had buried a long time ago, and then he showed her the way to paradise. He confuses her as much as she probably confuses him.

She wanted to apologize for being complicated, wanted to get on her knees again and show him how much she needs a savior right now; someone to love, and cherish to get her mind off of the horrible things in the past. She wants him to know that he can help her, by guiding her like he did the night before, by owning her like he said the night before, by loving her like he promised. She needs to be devoted to him, she would do anything for him.

She knows how damaged she is on the inside, she put up a persona every day so people could believe that she’s alive. But the only time she ever felt alive was with Spencer. The only time she ever wished she’s not complicated is when she’s with Spencer, His name consumed her like the opiates she used to take. He owned her soul already and she’s not letting that go. Even if the world stands in her way. She deserves this, this pure thing for once.

So she cried, hard. Hard enough for her neighbors to hear, to check up on her, but she wasn’t listening, she stayed crouched down in her balcony, her vision was blurry and she can’t think of anything— only Spencer.

“Spencer..” was the only thing she remembered saying before she witnessed darkness and drowsiness penetrate her eyes as well as her other senses— sending her to sleep.

———————————

Y/N didn’t even flinched when her father’s screams once again filled her ears, telling her how she doesn’t belong, she isn’t supposed to be here, isn’t supposed to exists. She could smell the strong scent of alcohol from his mouth, clouding her senses, but she refused to give in and cry, in fact she doesn’t feel a thing. Moreover, she’s just bored, her father never got violent with her, never laid a hand on her, neither does her step mother— well not when he’s around anyways.

By the age of 9, Y/N already knew what kind of man her father was, the kind that doesn’t want to admit reality, he’s a violent genius who works in the dark, with barriers covering all sides of his life. He never hurt Y/N physically, like he always claimed. But 12 years of psychological torture will fuck you up, she thought. She lived in isolation, and darkness where the only things she knew.. were alcohol, math, abuse, impending death, and screams.

She doesn’t have anyone related that’s nice to her, enough to shield her from all the abuse. The only person that could bring her peace is Mr. Bones, one of her father’s men. He always looked out for her, he gave her hope ever since she was old enough to know that being told you were never meant to be alive was not okay.

“I apologize, papa. It won’t happen again, I swear it.”

Her eyes stayed on the ground as she feels the warmth of his palm so close to her cheek, she yelled in her mind— her mind telling her to scream at the old bastard to “Hit me!”

“Hit me!”

“Make it hurt!”

“HIT ME!”

——

Y/N felt a jolt, her eyes searching for signs of where she might be but she can’t seem to open her eyes, the smell— is clean like iodine, the next thing she felt was the rough yet strangely comfortable sheets that grazes against her skin, And then she heard the talk, someone’s talking.. She recognized the voice well, so well like its imprinted deep in her soul, She tried to open her eyes.. yet she keeps on missing.

“S-she— i found her pale.. she was so pale and cold.. “ Spencer! her mind screamed, that’s Spencer.

“Spencer!” She tried to yell, but still nothing,

“Spencer please!” Nothing.

“What did her neighbor said?” Hotch!

“Hotch please i’m awake!”

“She was screaming, and they found her clutching her shirt tightly, she was crying and she.. she said my name over and over again, before blacking out.. thats why they called me first after calling 911” Is that true? she has been taking her meds, hasn’t she?

“Did anyone said that she was about to jump or anything like that?”

“No! No! Spencer i’m not suicidal!”

“N-no i don’t know.. Hotch i was with her last night, i should’ve—“

“Please don’t cry! please i’m sorry i love you i won’t do it again!”

“Hey no, she looked like she was having a panic attack. Has she ever mentioned anything about being depressed? or experiencing anxiety attacks maybe?”

“no... no... don’t tell him Spencer, you promised.”

“Stop the silence, Spencer you promised you won’t tell anyone.”

“N-no.. not that i know off.. she wanted company so i stayed with her, we watched movie.”

“Spencer...” She tried again, believing that it won’t work, he won’t hear her, maybe she’s not even here anymore— just floating away from her body. But when she saw his head turned towards her, she sighed contently, letting go of all the burden for a second just to hear him mutter her name in silence and peace.

“Y/N... you’re awake wait let me—“ before he could exit the door, Hotch pulled him back a little, telling him that “It’s okay, let me get the doctor.” Leaving Spencer and her alone.

Her heart rate accelerated as he sat down on the chair next to her, eyes filled with worry and fear— Y/N couldn’t take it, couldn’t bare to see how broken he looks, because she was selfish and complicated, because she was damaged.

“I-i wasn’t... trying to.. jump” Her voice came out laced with fragility, all raw and quiet. She’s trying to tell Spencer that she’s alright, as long as he’s here she’ll be alright. “Don’t.. please don’t blame yourself, it was an anxiety attack, a bad one.”

“Have you been taking your meds?” There it is, the question she has been hoping she wouldn’t have to answer. She looked down at his trembling hands, reaching to grab it but unable to do so because she realized now that she was restrained to the bed.

“Why am i being restrained?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“No Spencer i haven’t! now why am i restrained? i’m not a danger to anyone.” Y/N half yelled with a cracked voice, closing her eyes tightly at the tears that’s threatening to spill out of her eyes.

“Miss Bones, i see that you’re awake now.” Her eyes never leaving the sight of her cuffed wrist, ‘did they honestly thought you were planning on killing yourself?’

“I’m not suicidal, i’m an FBI agent for god’s sake.” The tone of her newfound voice surprised everyone including Spencer.

“Then why were you unconscious on the balcony of your apartment?”

“Because i haven’t been taking my pills! look, i haven’t for years now and i was fine. It was just rush of emotions, and i got overwhelmed okay? doesn’t mean i was going to jump. Believe me thats the last thing i would’ve wanted.” The last bit was a whisper, indicating the raw pain behind it. It was the truth, moments before you passed out you were thinking of Spencer, of how he’s your savior.

“Okay, Agent. We believe you, now why don’t you get some rest, and we’ll have you prescribed for something stronger, meanwhile i’m going to take the cuffs off” The doctor replied gently, except you know he’s not a doctor well he is but he’s a psychiatrist. Great, now everyone think she’s crazy.

——————

After the incident, you rarely talked to anyone on your team not because they don’t want to but because you won’t let them. You’ve caused enough pain, so the last thing you want to see is the pity on their eyes and face, it was nice seeing how they care though— sometimes in the mornings you can hear Garcia and JJ dropping new baskets full of goodies and treats for you to try. Sliding a note underneath your door before leaving.

Hotch insisted you to take a month break, which you would’ve tried to argued but you knew you didn’t stand a single chance. You could’ve lose your job, he could’ve fired you for lying about your psychological problems and endangering yourself but he didn’t, though he wanted you to take the break, and do another psych eval, so you agreed.

The bad thing about not going to work, except the obvious fact that you miss your work family and you missed out on catching men women alike your father and his killer— is not seeing Spencer often enough. It made you anxious just thinking how he’s doing constantly, Prentiss has said in a text that ‘he seems okay, just a little off’ in which you ended the conversation quickly, not wanting to let invasive questions spring up to life.

You’ve tried to contact him multiple times, yet he never answered the calls, there was one time where he had responded your text; it was the one after you told him that you haven’t eaten and taken your meds because thats what you do now, pretending like he actually listens you, that day you heard a knock, before finding out that there was a box of pizza; the tuna, with creamy mushroom kind, your favorite. Spencer is the only one who knew about it, so it was him. You cried that night knowing that he was close... yet you didn’t see him.

After that, nothing. Nothing at all, until it was your 17th day isolated in your apartment trying to get better. A therapist from FBI was supposed to come today, checking up on you, Hotch’s order. So when you heard a knock, you opened the door without looking.

“Y/N...”

“Hi you must be the— Spencer?” You eyes went wide as you recognized the person standing at your door, you swear your knees buckled finally seeing him again after so long. His hair seemed longer, his eyes has bags under them, he doesn’t look fine.

“Spencer, you look—“

“Can i come in?” His voice startled you, it was deep, deeper than you remembered it last.

“Yes, yes please come in..” You watched him enter your house, eyes scanning through every bit of everything, probably profiling your condition. So you let out a chuckle as you close the door, “I’m fine Spencer, unless you didn’t notice, i’m doing therapy 3 times a week plus routine visits from every therapist in town it seemed like. So i’m good” the tone of your voice reflects sarcasm and you know it, but how can you help it when he wont even look at you.

“Thats good..” He mumbled, sitting down on the couch where you two talked the last time about your past, you remembered that night’s event so clearly you could’ve sworn you have an eidetic memory. “You haven’t been sleeping have you?”

“no.” you sat down next to him, deciding that you shouldn’t touch him even if you wanted to.

“Why?”

“Because i worry about you.”

“Spencer, i told you i’m—“

“No! no you can’t say that you’re fine, again. do you know what you did me? after the night we had, you basically suffered an anxiety so bad you collapsed on your balcony, while whispering my name. You don’t get to say that you’re fine, i deserve more Y/N.”

You didn’t flinched even once when you heard his voice raised, if anything you just close your eyes and not let the volume of his voice get inside your head, “Everyone who yells is the same like your father, wake the fuck up” is what your mind been telling you but you refused to listen to it, Spencer is good, he’s a good man. So you controlled your breathing for a second before opening your eyes to see Spencer’s face begging for answers.

“You’re right, you deserve answers and you’ll get your answers but can you please listen to me and don’t interrupt? Spencer, i need the space if you want me to tell you, the space to make you understand.” Your palm move on top of his to see his reaction, you expected him to swat your hands away or at least flinched but strangely he let out a pleasant sigh, like he was relieved, like every weight has been lifted off of him.

“Okay, i’m sorry for—“

You cut him off before he could say what he’s sorry for, you don’t need it— his reactions are normal, too normal that it makes you fall in love with him over and over again. “Shh, don’t. You don’t have to explain, you don’t have to respond, just.. wait here, i’ll tell you everything okay..?”

With a nod you get from him, you stand up to make two chamomile teas, bringing it to where Spencer is sitting on the couch, then after you put on Gymnopédie on your record player, you sit down next to him. To your surprise, he leaned and laid his head on top of your thighs, curling up on the couch— which sent a smile to your face, you haven’t smiled for so long and of course Spencer Reid is the one who put your first smile since.. you don’t even remember when.

————

“It’s one of my favorite, I love the serenity of it.” You whispered, as your fingers ran through his soft hair. Relaxing your back against the couch and enjoying the tune of one of your favorite classical of all time. Spencer smiled at that, you swore the smile could lit your insides like nothing else.

“I’m a beethoven guy, but i guess Satie is alright..” He laughs, his laugh sounded like heaven, his smile and laugh makes you dizzy. This is the Spencer that makes your heart pound ten times faster, and the one that makes you lost for words each time, the one that you’ll love... too fast Y/N, too fast.

“Of course you are, it’s not hard to see..”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

Spencer looked up at you, he looked so pure like this, like he was made to justify every wrong things that has been done, like he’s an angel that protects the earth from filth. He’s pure and tender, it takes all of your willpower to not lean down and kiss him.

“Oh yes, explanation.” You laughed awkwardly, eyes refusing to meet his. “Look at me, please” You shake your head at his demand, your eyes still trailing to where the record player is going.

“Look at me, Y/N.” You did, you looked. Under any other circumstances, the authoritative tone would instantly leave you dripping wet ready to submit to him. But this time, you only whimpered and nods.

“Good girl, now tell me” He cupped your cheeks, the gentle gesture sent you to oblivion.

“I don’t know where to start..”

“I heard the beginning is a great start.” His lips tugged into a wide smile, you heart warmed at the sight before you sigh, your fingers still curling and uncurling itself on his hair.

“I opened up to you that night, it’s something strange for me, i told you something that i swore i would never tell anyone, but i told you because.. because you were right, you are right Spencer. And i guess after that we took it to a whole new different level, i want to be able to do all the things with you and cross all boundaries but it’s something new to me, so that morning when i... woke up alone, it was scary, i felt so small and sad in such a big space. I was overwhelmed, by the thought of letting another person in, i don’t wanna take it slow but then again the transition won’t be easy for me.” Spencer opened his mouth as he was about to say something, but you simply leaned in shakily and press a quick peck on his lips as a sign that you’re not done yet, to your surprise he pulled you down one more time and let the kiss linger this time before letting you pull back, whispering a small “go on.”

“I lived in isolation most of my life, the only taste of real life emotions i ever got was the moment right after my graduation. The man who saved me, he teached me social skills, and the basics of.. of having this gift of rawness emotions. But i’ve been so closed off, i realized its just not possible for me to fall in love or feel such a strong emotion towards another, the only strong emotion i’ve ever known before this was.. hatred towards my father and his killer.

I had PTSD when i was 13, consistent with severe anxiety and depression, at one point Mr.Bones insisted that i...i started talking to myself, admitted me to a psychiatrist where i got my.. antipsychotics for um the voices. But i came out well, and he promised me that if i was able to make it, he would change my identity, stripped me out of my old misery, give me a new one, my father was a very very important man where he worked, so does his men including Mr.Bones. Thats why before i was 21, there’s no record of Y/N Bones existed because.. i didn’t, i never existed.”

Y/N ended it with a smile, looking down at Spencer whose eyes brimming with tears. She shook her head, her trembling fingers wiping the traces of tears. “Hey no no, please don’t cry, please it’s hurt to see you cry..” She whimpered.

“Spencer please say something..” Her eyes pleaded with her, as he sat up, before inching closer to her and before she even processed the warmth of his body, his lips pressed themselves against hers in a gentle loving way. His thumb stroking her soft supple cheek, as his lips took its time to explore every inch of hers, imprinting how it feels so he can remember it all the time. Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck as he guided her to his lap, pulling back a little.

They stared at each other for such a long time, before Spencer move his hand downward— tugging on her shirt. “Do you want to?” His voice rise your goosebumps to wake, all the adrenaline rushing through your core as you nod eagerly. “Please”

——————

“Tchaikovsky.”

“what?”

“This is tchaikovsky.” Spencer looked up at her, seeing how needy but beautiful she is, her skin glistening under the dim lights, her lashes are wet, her eyes glassy, and her lips bitten raw. He smiled admiring her before continuing his exploration down her labia, stroking it gently— almost like he’s teasing her.

“yes Spencer this is, Oh god!” you stopped mid-sentence as you felt the warmth of his tongue exploring from her slit up to her clit, flicking the sensitive button gently— Holy mother! doesn’t he know how sensitive she is?

“I’m pretty sure Tchaikovsky isn’t god, Princess.” the doctor giggles as his fingers tracing her tummy gently, caressing every mark every curve every indent every scar so so gently to show her how much he appreciates her, appreciate her beauty— all of it.

“Shut up!” She whined and shuddered as she feels him burying his face against her sensitive pussy, tongue swiping side to side at her slit as his nose bumps against her clit sending intense pleasure throughout her body making her jolt and convulse as she tug on his hair.

“Are you sure that’s wise, princess? i’m the one in charge of your orgasm here” Her legs quivered, his tongue push inside her and explore every inch of her inside— moaning at the taste and catching every drop.

“Sorry! so sorry Spencer, just don’t stop!” Oh how sweet is that, her voice cracked at the end, meaning he’s doing a good job. And the boy wonder does seek for praises sometimes.

“Never planning on it, love.” He mumbled against her pussy before inserting two fingers in, and moving them in a brutal pace whilst her tongue and lips sucking on her clit.

“Oh! Spencer, you’re so good at this” Her eyes shut tightly, as her fingers gripping his hair— she’s practically grinding against his face which he moaned at the sight and taste of her, oh so heavenly.

“C’mon Princess, come for me then i will give you what you’ve been waiting for” oh the way she clenched around her fingers so tightly, made him groaned and shut his eyes tight as he works her over the orgasm

“Spencer! oh! thank you!” Every inch of her skin was burning and her brain was mush. So much pleasure, that she could die happily now. Her body shivers still, when he comes up to leave tiny kisses on her face. “Good girl.” Spencer then align himself at her entrance, sliding the tip up and down her pussy.

“Ready, princess?”

“Yes.. yes please?” With a smile on his face, Spencer bent Y/N’s knees before pushing the tip of his cock inside of her slowly, indulging in the velvety warm walls that welcomed his cock. The feeling is like home. Her mouth agape, as her eyes roll at the back of her head, and her fingers intertwined with his.

He stilled inside her for awhile as he let out grunts of how “so warm and tight, pet” she is. He then leaned down to press a gentle loving kiss on her lips before thrusting his cock in and out of her slowly, keeping the pace light as they both relinquish all the frustrations out, and indulging in each other’s warmth. It’s perfect.

“so— full, Spencer..” Her desperate whimpers was the one that egged him to move faster, thrusting his hips so every-time he thrusted in, the sounds were slapping of skins and their moans. But when one particular deep thrust, her cunt involuntary clenched around his cock and she screamed “Thats it! thats it fuck!”

Spencer grinned, before letting go of her hand to grip her waist, pulling her closer to him then continue to fuck her with a torturous brutal pace, hitting the spot over and over again. “I’m not going to last if you keep- fucking clenching that tight cunt Y/N” He warned, eyes glinting with a dangerous look like how he was that night. Feral.

Strings of plea left her mouth as she arched her back, he was so deep— filling her to the brim and making her feel good.

“Please cum inside me!”

“I will baby, i will. But first you gotta cum alright? can you do that? i know you can, c’mon” His breathing labored as he move even faster, her headboard banged against the wall, and her body bounced. With one final deep thrust, they reached their peak, and shuddered at the feeling. Spencer pulls out before grabbing a wet cloth from the beside table and carefully wiped her sensitive areas, causing goosebumps that were dying down to rise again.

“Swan lake” Was the first thing she muttered as her legs still quivering, Spencer looked up at her confusedly as he set throw the cloth to the dirty hamper and laid down beside her once more, cuddling her to his side.

“What?” he asked, his fingers running through her hair.

“Tchaikovsky’s, Swan lake was playing.” They both laughed at her answer, shaking their heads. It wasn’t until Y/N’s eyes flickered to his hazy ones, that they muttered it together,

“I love you—“

———————

TBC!

As always, TAGLIST is open, blurb requests are also open any genre of course, send them in along with suggestions and/or constructive criticisms! thank you. Just message me or send me an ask :) thank you for supporting. I’M SO SORRY FOR THE REUPLOAD, the TAGS DOESNT WORK TUMBLR IS MEAN TO ME AGAIN❤️

( @blancastans @spencerwaltergubler @slutforthegubes @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @babybloomer @liaabsurd @midnightsubmissives @addie5264 @maybankslut @secretpickleprofessordean )

#spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid smut #dom!spencer #taahm #spencer reid blurbs #criminal minds smut

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mooswords · 3 years

Text

It’s all coming back

Pairing: semi eita x reader

Word Count: 2.8k

Tags: war au, minor character death (mentioned), angst

Ramblings: i think ive peaked with this fic. i also cried multiple times writing this but like... thats nothing new sklajsdbk. thank you to lyra for beta-ing and yelling about this with me every step of the way <3

---

The summer breeze sweeps through the valley, warm air bringing little relief from the afternoon sun. You can feel the sweat dripping in familiar discomfort down your back as you pull at the weeds invading your struggling potato crop. It’s mind-numbing work, but it has to be done. Anyway, you’re almost-

Your name is yelled, loud and panicked. Tsutomu’s stumbling form is running towards you.

“There’s a man,” he pants. “There’s a man coming up the hill.”

“Is it Tadashi?”

“I don’t think it’s him. He-” Tsutomu throws a look over his shoulder, like he can see through the house and fences to remind himself what this man looks like. “He’s got a sword I think.”

“A soldier?” you breathe, the stone in your stomach dropping lower. Your shoulder aches. It’s still healing, a lingering reminder that soldiers are nothing but bad news. It’s been nearly a year since the war ended, but they like to ignore that fact.

Through the summer haze, you can see a blurry figure trudging up the road winding up to the house. Even at this distance, you can tell it’s definitely not Tadashi.

“Kei and Hikota are further out," you tell him, eyes still set on the figure. "Go find them and stay in the barn together until I come and get you, OK?”

“But-”

“Tsutomu. Go.”

The mystery figure is nearly at the house by the time you make it out the front door, shotgun in hand. Now you're closer you can see the ash-grey hair, the sword swinging at his hip. At this distance, you can also see the nervous smile on his face. Reluctantly, you lean the shotgun against the door jam.

He stops a few respectful paces away, and you let your eyes flit over him scornfully. “You’ve got guts, showing up here again.”

Semi winces. He knew not to expect a warm welcome, especially with how he left, but he hadn’t expected this. You don’t look the same as he remembers - more worn, more beaten down by the ebb and flow of life than he had hoped. There is a new assertiveness that you wear, still a few sizes too big for you to fill out properly but nonetheless folding strong and confident across your shoulders. It speaks to many years alone, being forced to grow up too quickly.

He supposes that’s partially his fault though.

“What do you want?” you ask, chin tilted up. Defiant as always. He’s glad that hasn’t changed.

“I’m… the war’s over. I came home.”

“Home?” You sound incredulous, a mocking edge to your voice.

“Yes,” Semi says, uncertainty beginning to cloud his words. “To you.”

You scoff. It seems the years have gifted you with a certain bitterness; he can not fault you for it, but it still grates at his rose-tinted memories. You were never a particularly joyful child - joy wasn’t a luxury people like you and he could afford - but there was a hope he remembered, a desperate spark that you’d imbue into the stories you’d tell the younger kids. The woman in front of him today deals only in blunt, unsavoury realities.

“Home to me,” you repeat, nodding slowly. Your tone is less than impressed. “Tell me-” you cock your head, contempt in every move, “since when do you leave your home without even a goodbye?”

You can see the confusion in the furrow of his brow. How could he not know?

“I’m sorry, I-” he shifts, looking less like a war-hardened soldier and more like the lanky 17-year-old you knew all those years ago. “I wasn't brave enough.”

“And yet you were brave enough to go fight in a war that's stretched on for years.” You bite your tongue, frustration welling up because you want to hug him forever but you also can’t let yourself slip up. He’s a soldier. He left. You have the younger kids to think about too, and you aren’t going to let him come in and destroy this family you have fought tooth and nail for.

“You seem like you’re doing OK now.”

“Yeah, now,” you bite back. “I’m doing OK now because I survived long enough to get out of the city walls. Barely. You can’t just waltz back in here like you never left.”

“I had to go, they needed me.”

“They needed you?! What about Tsutomu?”

He looks sheepish at that. Maybe you're finally getting through to him.

“He had you?” he tries.

Then again, how could he know? He may have seen horrors fighting for six long years, but Semi left before the city really began to fall apart. You have survived your own nightmares. Humanity is capable of more atrocities than just war.

“Of course he had me, I wasn't going to abandon him after his own brother did.” It's a low blow, but you can't find it in yourself to care. “But that doesn’t erase the fact I was one girl! I was struggling to feed my own siblings let alone yours! Do you think young girls can find work in the city? Do you think I could protect all of the kids?”

You’re shaking now, animated in your fury, and the words are pouring out faster and more uncontrolled than you had imagined. You have had six years to think of what you would say to Semi if he ever came home, but right now you can't remember a word of the carefully scathing speeches you had drafted in those long nights. This is far less elegant, nothing more than the messy sum of repressed emotions and long-forgotten promises.

“You left! When I needed you! You left me alone, just to-” you angrily smear your tears, jaw clenching, “-to go fight in some stupid war they already had thousands of men to fight.”

“You had the others, and I couldn’t just-”

The door behind you creaks.

“Go back to your siblings, Kei,” you say, not turning.

Semi’s eyes are pulled to the proud arch of a young boy’s head. For someone with dirt smeared across his cheek and a sun-bleached shirt, the kid holds himself with something akin to royal grace. Semi would be impressed if he didn’t recognise the faux bravado as the carefully cultivated shield it is. He used to wear the same brand of armour.

“You sure?” the boy asks, a well-worn aloofness in his tone that that shouldn’t belong to someone still so young. If life hasn’t been kind to you, it has been rougher for this kid.

“I’m sure.” You turn, finally, and Semi catches the edge of your smile. He wonders if it still pulls higher on one side like it used to. He wonders if you still remember that secret handshake you made him learn all those years ago, if you still love the sunflowers that used to grow in the upper circles of the city, if you still get that faraway look in your eye when you get lost in the labyrinth of your own mind.

It’s jarring, Semi thinks as he watches the final nasty look thrown his way before the boy disappears back into the doorway. The image these memories paint is so out of sync with the woman he sees before him now, and no amount of reminiscing will bring them back together.

“So… who’s he?”

Impassiveness slides back over your face, the momentary softness slipping out of sight. “His family has also been torn away by this war. We stick together because we have no one else. Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Come on, please,” Semi starts. This is not how he expected this reunion to go. He takes a tentative step forward. “I know you’re angry, but I truly never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to keep you and the kids safe.”

You don’t shake off his careful hand on your shoulder; you’re not sure you could. The fight is draining from your body, and as the anger recedes, you start to see him come into focus. The dusty bandage wrapped around his hand, the lines running deep around his eyes. Maybe you had survived your own nightmares, but you were a fool to think that made his any lighter.

“I’m sorry,” he says, pressing closer. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen to you, but I’d do it again. I’m sorry I had to leave you and the kids, but I don’t regret going to fight.”

“And I don’t hate you for wanting to fight,” you relent, finally meeting his eyes. They’re sadder now, yet he can’t help feel relieved that the animosity has drained away.

You shrug, pained smile stuck awkwardly on your face. “But you still left us.”

Somehow, the lack of anger makes your words cut deeper. They have lost their accusing edge, replaced with a blunt resignation that makes his heartache. There’s resentment rallying in his stomach against your disappointment, and it mixes unpleasantly with the hope he had walked up to you with.

“I said I’m sorry, didn’t I?” He can hear the annoyance leaking through, and from the line of tension that returns to your shoulders, so do you.

There’s a long moment, full of memories and chances long lost to history, where all you can feel is the inevitable beginnings of a new battle. The lamentable reality is that you were never taught how to back down from a challenge; to do so would just send you reeling back down to the bottom of the hard-won steps you had already taken. But haven’t you fought enough? Haven’t you fought your past enough, must you now fight him too?

“You can say sorry all you like, it doesn’t change the past.” Your voice comes out more resigned, less annoyed than you had wanted.

“Why are you so set on the past?” he demands, frustration tearing through the thin blanket of peace that had settled. “I’m here now, trying to make amends and you-”

“I don’t care what’s happening now, I want answers for what happened back then! Why didn’t you trust me?”

“Of course I trusted you, I- I just…” he throws his hands up, pacing a few steps away. “It was something I needed to do. Talking to you wasn’t going to change that.”

“Oh, so I didn’t matter then?” you say, lips pressed together painfully. It’s a wet anger; blurry eyes and choked voice. You had stared down more fearsome men than Semi Eita without a tremble, but his long-forgotten familiarity somehow makes this so much harder. “My opinion didn’t matter, my life didn’t-”

“Don’t be stupid, of course you mattered! Why do you think I left, huh? You and Tsutomu matter more than anything else-”

“Well that’s not what it seemed like to me and Tsutomu!” you yell back, sick to your stomach. “One day you were here, and the next you were gone! No warning, no nothing! Tsutomu was ten, Semi. TEN.”

He hadn’t been there to see the pieces of your life shatter apart, to see Tsutomu look so confused, to hear him ask, so quiet and ashamed, if it was his fault his brother left. He hadn’t been there to see you patch your family back together with tape you couldn’t even afford and promises you literally bled to uphold.

“I was fighting to protect you-”

“You left us for dead.”

“You would be dead if they had reached the city! What was I supposed to do? Sit back and let others die for me while I did nothing?”

You huff, dragging a hand over your eyes. Your shoulder aches. “So you thought the military needed one extra person? One extra body, that’s all it took to win the war?”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he groans.

“Do I?” you fire back, leaning forward into his personal space. “Do I know? Because I was of the understanding we were a team, and then you left without a word!”

He can tell from your face you are just as frustrated at this conversation going in circles as he is. And he knows you have a point - he did leave without saying anything, and it’s a guilt that still weighs on him. But in his core, he knows he is right too. Why shouldn’t he want to defend his home? Why shouldn’t he have gone?

“I did what I had to protect you and the kids.” His voice drops into a low anger that holds more fury than any scream could. “I’m not going to apologise for wanting to protect what I love, no matter if you appreciate it or not.”

Your eyes dart between his, narrowed and searching. There’s definitely more underlying those words, years of unspoken almosts that had to be forgotten. Even just saying that much dredges up old memories he thought long gone, lost to time and unfortunate circumstance.

“I’d appreciate not being left alone to feed-”

“Stop being dramatic, you weren’t alone. The kids are smart, and W-”

“They were literally kids!" you flare, tongue cutting with scorn sharper than any blade he's faced. "What, you wanted me to let Yachi go work in the factories? Let Tsutomu go fight in the pits? We both know that would have been a death sentence.”

“You had Wakatoshi, and-”

“Wakatoshi died!”

Semi has been stabbed before. It’s a strange sensation; if there’s enough adrenalin flooding your veins, it almost feels like nothing more than a poke. But slowly, a creeping realization will set in as the wetness of your shirt becomes too much to ignore and your eyes are drawn irrevocably down. It’s only then the pain will hit you.

This doesn’t feel like that. This is immediate pain, your words splattering sharp and bright across his chest. He stutters back a step, breaths coming in short and shallow bursts.

“What… who...”

Your lips are pressed together, face turned away from him. The breath you pull in is shaky, and when you meet his eyes, they’re apologetic and guilty.

“The… the town guard caught Tsutomu trying to pocket medicine for me, and they were going to take him but Wakatoshi stepped in and it all happened so fast I…” a breathy sigh escapes you, right on the cusp of a sob. “I’m so sorry Eita, I didn’t mean to tell you like that.”

“It’s-”

It’s not OK. Wakatoshi has been a reliable fixture in Semi’s life for years, unshakable through everything. His certainty was something Semi had always admired. And despite his severity, there was a gentleness to his composure - lifting the kids up onto his shoulders during the rare parades or quietly teaching them how to play knucklebones. It’s unthinkable, for Semi to have survived this war but Wakatoshi to not.

“I’m OK,” he says.

The quiet hand you lay on his arm doesn’t help, only serving to remind him that you lost Wakatoshi too. And maybe he lost you a long time ago too. Just one more thing to add to the never-ending list of all he’s lost to this war.

Semi can only laugh, a bitter, broken sound that echoes in his own ears. It’s an ugly thing; to fight and bleed and sacrifice for a country that has never done anything for you, only to come home and be slapped with everything else that’s slipped away in the process. Of course his selflessness would be repaid in frayed relationships and lost friends.

“I’m OK,” he repeats, because he needs it to be true this time.

“Are you?” you ask, concern slipping in under the blunt question. He wants to laugh again. You always have asked the hard questions.

Your hand slides up to cup his cheek, palm rough but touch gentle against his skin, and he leans into it rather than answer. With his eyes closed, for just this moment, he can almost believe reality isn’t quite as bleak as it actually is.

When he opens them your head is tilted, looking up at him with exhausted but understanding eyes. Sighing, your head falls forward to knock against his chest. You shoulders slump, and he slowly reaches around to grasp the back of your shirt. It’s still messy between you, and he knows this is only the beginning of a long road back to the trust you shared before.

Yet as your arms come up to wrap around him too, he thinks maybe there’s hope for him.

“I missed you,” you whisper into his shirt.

Maybe even hope for you and him. It might not ever be the same, but that is a battle to be faced later.

For now, he finally lets the tears come. For Wakatoshi. For everything he went through, for everything he put you and Tsutomu through. For the simple relief of not having to fight anymore.

He feels your arms tighten around his waist.

“It’s OK,” you tell him, and he thinks, someday, he might just believe you.

#semi x reader #semi eita x reader #haikyuu x reader #this is so sad #and so longggggggggggg #and for WHAT

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clover-hq · 4 years

Text

Unlikey Pair

Marx x Punk!Fem Reader

Warnings : Alcohol, Implied Violence.

Today was big for Marx, he got all his work done early just to make sure he got the afternoon/night off for his birthday. Julius was shocked to hear Marx take a half day, to the point he was scared of something being wrong with him as he had a red face. He wasn't used to seeing him like this and it genuinely worried him, even more so when Yami said he saw someone who looked like the "Mushroom head" had a brutish woman with her arm around him at the end of a captains meeting, unknowing of the Advisors early day off.

Julius' heart sunk with worry for him. Marx wasn't the type to get into trouble, right? He was a smart man with a head good enough to keep Julius in line. Maybe he was in danger but couldn't say anything. Julius quickly admitted his worry and the situation to his Captains, William and Yami both took it seriously as well. They knew Marx far better than the others (besides Julius) and for some thuggish-looking woman to have her hands on him sounded like a recipe for disaster. They all agreed to look for the pair and save the Advisors for any trouble he might've been in. Mission "Save Marx" was born.

_____________

On the other hand; Marx was on cloud nine. Glad he was able to spend his birthday with woman he loved, you. He loved everything about you. In your full get-up, your mskeup-less days, your strong personality and pure strength to back it up. He'd ask you to take him to a bar you'd normally visit, he's always loved the punk scene but his job title wouldn't be taken seriously if he looked as rough as everyone there. Tonight a band was playing at the bar so he also got his first concert during his birthday as well.

You took a shallow breath as Marx scanned through the menu, not knowing half the drinks there but not seeing anything he was used to either. His face was flushed, everything was going so well yet he felt so out of place in a sweater over a white collared shirt. But felt even more out of place when an old friend of yours approached the table the two of you were sitting at. An older gentleman, still very much in the punk scene chuckled as he saw the mushroom head scanning him up and down

"You must be Marx" the older gentleman said patting him on his back "Lil' Ole (Y/N) over there has told us alot about you. You should see the hearts in her eyes when she talks about you. I'm glad she's found someone that treats her well, have a good Birthday kiddo" You talk about him?! He shot a glance over to you to see your face flushed red. “so cute” he thought to himself before looking over the menu once more to see a familiar sounding name "long island ice tea" he didn't know what it actually was but it had tea in it so thats what he went with. You'd get the same along with the chefs choice for food, as the music was getting ready to start.

________

Operation "Save Marx" was in full go. With Julius in disguise, Yami jack and William scooping out the bar you two were in. Both Dorothy and Rill made an attempt to get in but both were denied access by the Bouncer who thought they where both children. Charlotte had to be restrained from causing a scene from a group of men hitting on her, Fuegoleon and Nozel kept their distance as their presence alone would cause a scene as Royals.

Jack, Yami and a Disguised Julius managed to get inside, they where put off by the loud music paired with the dim lighting. Definitely not a place Marx would hang out willingly they assumed, after all Marx kept his personal interest private. But the target was sighted as Marx made his way to the restroom giving your location up. which they scooted by taking the seat a bit away from your table. a girl like you in an outfit like that? What the hell where you doing with Marx. Yami assumed you weren't his type.

____________

You felt eyes on you but the place was so dark you couldn't tell from where they where coming from, but you didn't mind Marx was returning from the bathroom. And good timing! You're food was arriving as well. Marx seemed in awe of the band as he stopped his drink, taken a back by the citrus-cola taste for a moment. He was actually enjoying himself, and you loved to see him doing so outside of the strict work life. Your hear fluttered as he looked over to you mouthing the words "thank you". But there was a minor issue, Marx was a lightweight and the drink he got was already making him drunker than it should've.

You waited for the band to stop their session before swinging Marxs arm over your shoulder to make an exit. Which unfortunately alerted the party that was following you. Especially when you started taking Marx down an alleyway that was nothing more than a shortcut back to your place, you've gotten there quicker but he was being very affectionate and needy while you helped him walk.

Pinning you against the wall kissing you, you're black lipstick transferred to his lips but before he could go in for another hungry kiss you were lifted in the air by briars.... Wait briars ? Like the magic the Captain of the Blue Rose Knights had. Soon the Captains and the wizard king surrounded you two. As your desperately tried to keep your skirt from flipping over.

While Marx was drunk he has complete awareness of the situation and the and he was heated that they would interupt his birthday date. In such a rude fashion "W-what the hell!?" He asked looking at Julius. Who was attempting to pull him away from helping you " 'ey mushroom head. You do realize if you're in any sort of danger you could've told us" Yami interjected pointing his sword at your neck.

"I can't believe we let such a Thug pull you around without noticing, we're truly sorry for not seeing your troubles sooner" William said looking you up and down noticing the tears swelling in your eyes as you hung upside down from the briar prison. Before looking back to a fuming Marx "Put. Her. Down. Now." Was all he demanded which Charlotte did which he caught you promptly. "This "thug" happens to be my girlfriend, and she has a name. It's (Y/N)." he said which only got wide eye and gasp responses

"We've been together for seven months... Today she was taking me to a dinner and concert for my Birthday" the word "birthday" caught them all off guard... Due to all of them promptly forgetting his birthday was infact today.

Julius looked you over, seeing you teary eyed and frustrated and with a swift bow soon followed by the others "My apologies Miss (Y/N)... Marx was always so straight laced seeing him with someone who looks like a complete opposite struck worry into me... And Marx my apologies for forgetting your birthday." Julius said feeling immense guilt. "Sorry for ruining your date..." William said. The other captains quickly dispersed Charlotte leaving after apologizing directly to you.

___________

Walking hand in hand after that mess heading back to your place to spend the rest of his birthday "celebrating" to his liking.

But as you walked farther from the bar you heard Yelling "I AM DOROTHY UNSWORTH CAPTAIN OF THE CORAL PEACOCKS I AM 27! I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT" Dorothy was still very much fighting with the bouncer to be let into the bar. With a shared chuckle you guys continued walking.

A good end to a crazy night.

_________

OwO I actually got something done?

Anyways the other one will be out tonight.

💙

#marx francois #Marx Francois x reader #Black clover Marx

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green-ball-of-trash · 4 years

Text

Roman in The Closet by Himself!! Part 1

word count: 2202

ship: Prinxiety, Background Logicality, Background Remile, vaguely mention Demus.

part1/part2/part3/part4/?

WARNINGS: self deprecation, depression, repression, non-censored cursing, the word wh*re is used and it not censored, lgbtq+phobia is mentioned in this chapter but not directed at any of the characters.

summary: Roman has a rough journey with his sexuality, and his crush on a certain little emo~

Roman had always been enraptured with the concept of love. He could remember watching Disney movies when he was younger, where the prince rescues the princess and they both live happily ever after.

Although, he was never really focused on the princess of the story but more so on they heroic prince. He always thought that Prince Phillip was so much more interesting than Arora, but his little child mind couldn’t understand nor explain why that was.

Until he was ten years old~

He had been looking at Disney videos on his ipad, when he discovered a peculiar video with a rainbow flag in the thumbnail. He thought that all the colors on the flag looked pretty, so he decided to click on it.

He heard phrases in the video that he had never heard before, such as; gay, trans, homosexaul, bisexual, pansexual, and so many more and he had absolutely no idea what they meant. Even though he had no clue, he watched the entire video. After the video was over, he got out his red notebook with Disney stickers plastered haphazardly all over the front and back cover.

He decided to rewatch the video again and write down any words that he didn’t understand, and look them up after he was finished. Logan is gonna be so proud of me, he had said to himself thinking of his quiet nerdy best friend.

He spent the entire day learning things like pride, non-bianary, gender fluid, and more. He felt like he had opened his eyes to a completely new world and he was so excited about it. He had no idea there were so many different types of amazing people. He was so… Excited!

His parents were busy with work downstairs, and his brother was over at a friends house so he took it upon himself to spend his entire day learning and watching videos on this community of people. It was impossible to learn everything in a day, but he was determined to try.

He listened to and read people’s stories on the internet, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t cry. Why were people so mean to them? He had asked himself, why are there so many mean people in the world? They were just being themselves, why couldn’t people just be proud of them? What Roman didn’t know at the time, is that he would have a few stories of his own like that in the future.

A few weeks later, he was on the swings with his best friend Logan. Swinging back and forth with the breeze as they talked about anything and everything, non-sense and Disney, jokes and laughter, serious topics and funny stories, until Roman decided to bring up some of the stuff he had learned to his friend. He kicked his legs back and forth carelessly as he spoke, “hey, Lo?” Logan had looked at him, as Logan wasn’t swinging nearly as much as Roman was but more just drifting to and fro with the wind as he talked with his flamboyant best friend, “yeah Ro?”

Roman grinned for a minute before speaking, “have you heard of LGBTQ+?”

Logan had nodded at his question, “yeah, my dads talk about it all the time.” He said in a nonchalant manner. Roman groaned, frustrated “AWWW, I thought I learned about something that you didn’t..” Roman stopped his swinging, skidding his bright red shoes across the ground to stop himself.

Logan chuckled and pushes up his glasses, “sorry Ro, but I know everything.”

Roman stared at Logan throwing his hands about as he spoke, “that's not fair.” he said the last word dragging it out like it was the end of the world.

Roman had met Logan’s dads before, yet he never knew what LQBTQ+ meant and he didn’t know that a lot of people thought it was a bad thing. He thought it was awesome that Logan’s dads loved each other, even before he knew that they loved each other if that made any sense. To Roman it made complete sense in his ten year old mind.

Roman then got an idea, “Hey Logan, there was some things I didn’t understand when I was lookin’ up stuff about it. Do you think you could answer some of my questions?”

Logan looked a little excited to teach Roman, and they spent the rest of the time on the swings not swinging but talking. Talking about something that would be very important to them one day.

7 years later~

Roman was seventeen, and he was the most popular kid in his highschool, everyone had taken a liking to his outgoing nature. His best friends Logan, Patton, and Virgil were popular right along with him. There was only one thing that bothered Roman, his sexuality. He was terrified, from the bottom of his heart he was terrified because ne knew that he was not straight in any sense of the term. He was as curved as a rollercoaster and the ride made him feel woozy and nauseous.

He knew that the vast majority of his school would hate him for being the way he was, so you know what he did? Like the scared little closeted boy he was he ran into the deepest corner of that closet and hid like a little toddler in hide and seek, only he wasn’t a toddler and this wasn’t hide and seek, this was hide for your life. At least that was what it had felt like to him.

He knew that his friend would accept him, since Patton had come out to them in freshman year as Pan to him, Logan, and Virgil, it had lead to Logan coming out to them as gay demisexual, and then a year later in there sophmore Virgil coming out to them as gay. They promised to support each other and never ever tell anyone else. It was like their own little pride group, only Roman was an ally… Or so the others had thought.

Roman knew that they would accept him. Of all people who knew that he could come out to them, and it was okay. But his heart leapt up into his throat and his knees buckled and the mere thought of it. He could just imagine their judgemental glances, thinking he was only saying it because he wanted to feel included, “you’re not really gay.” He would imagine them saying, “are you doing this for attention?” “if you were gay then why have you been telling us about all your straight crushes for years?” He had made up crushes to stay in the closet “you’re so dramatic! Just shut up and we can forget you even tried to pull off this whole charade.”

I part of him knew they would never do that, but it was a very small part of him, it was like a tiny ball of light shining in the darkness of self deprecation that he had created within himself. He pretended to be so confident, he was a great actor ‘but that was the only thing he was great at’ He would say to himself like a father scolding a child for doing something wrong, only the child was priding within himself and the father was a cold old man with no joy and wanted his son to live a dry cold life never thinking higher than an inch of himself.

“Princey? You okay there?...” he hadn’t noticed that he had started to zone out with another one of his spirals into the dark clouded space that was his mind. ‘No’ he said to himself and only himself. Virgil would think he was such an attention seeking whore if he ever told him anything that went on in his head, “I’m fit as a fiddle Hottopic, sorry I zoned out, I was just thinking about Valerie. Her hair looked so pretty today.” He said with a smile that didn’t seem to reach his eyes. Valerie was amazing, she was really fun to hang out with and yes her hair actually did look pretty today but to Roman he felt nothing but platonic love for her. And when he would pretend to have a crush on her, especially to one of his best friends….. He felt as though someone was stabbing a knife into his heart, his weak little heart that throbbed at anything and everything. He was so weak he would tell himself. His heart was a bruised and pin pricked as a baby rabbit that got into a fight with a porcupine, and oh how his heart loved to jump and do summersaults like the little rabbit it was in the presence of the emo sitting next to him.

But the thing was it hurt so so much worse when he lied to Virgil. Virgil was so caring, he was kind to all of them, and he loved hanging out with him. Virgil was just so funny, and cute, and smart, and handsome, and- he stopped his thoughts, halting them and pushing them as far back into his mind as they would go. It was getting a lot harder to get rid of them lately. Virgil got a sad sort of look in his eyes but Roman didn’t notice, he was to busy gay panicing. “Thats sweet Roman. You two would be cute together ...” Virgil trailed off, sort of spacing out himself as Roman had just a few moments ago.

Roman clapped his hands together and stood up with a plastered smile on his face, startling Virgil almost knocking him off the bench that they had been sitting on. They were at the park, just talking. Roman turned toward Virgil and uttered a quick apology before spilling his idea to his monochromatic friend, “We should go get ice cream!!” Virgil chuckled at Roman’s excitement, and blushed under his porcelain foundation, “sure thing, if you promise to stop yelling” Virgil pulled on his hoodie strings, “people are starting to stare.” he said the last part with breathless sort of panicked whisper only loud enough just for Roman to catch it.

They spent the rest of the day just walking around town, laughing and enjoying the company of one another. Roman’s little heart jumped into his throat everytime he heard that beautiful laugh of Virgil’s, it was like looking at the sky and letting the sun hit your face. You can’t open your eyes and look directly at it though, because you might go blind at its unending beauty. Even if Virgil didn’t think so, he was the sun, the moon, the stars, and the clouds all bundled up in one amazing person and oh how he shined.

He was always there when you needed him and he was the most hard working person Roman knew, even if Virgil ran into days where he couldn’t even speak because of his anxiety disorder Roman thought he was so strong to have even got out of bed on those days. And he made sure to tell Virgil how strong he was everyday, and if Virgil couldn’t find his voice that day. Roman would speak for him to faceless strangers at school who wanted to speak with Virgil, although Logan and Patton would do that as well, it seemed to have affected Virgil more when Roman did it. It made Virgil feel warm and gooey on the inside, feelings that someone with a hard emo persona like his should never let themselves have but he had them and he loved how they made him feel. But he could never feel that about Roman, because Roman would never feel that way about him and that wasn’t something that he could change and that was just the way the world had to fuck him over.

The universe had made a little emo gay boy who was obsessed with My Chemical Romance and black eyeshadow, fall in love with his straight best friend. What a painful story trope. Only his best friend wasn’t actually straight, a fact that he was oblivious to, and this wasn’t a cheesy romance story this was their lives. Virgil looked down at hits ice cream, enjoying the treat quietly as he listened to Roman gush and rant about Hamilton or whatever musical he had decided to talk about.

They had arrived at Virgil’s house and said their goodbyes, with halfwitted insults with no venom in the words. It was their usual routine and they were both content with the way their relationship was. But they were just content, both of them wanted more but they would never admit that to themselves or each other. Roman walked home, with everything swirling around in his head and he laughed with a sort of dark emptiness. What a day.

To be continued~

OH MY GOSH THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE!!! Idk how much fun it was to read or how many people will actually read it, but I hope at least a few people enjoy it. this first part was out earlier than I had expected! When I get the next part out then I will link it on this part and tag anyone who wants to know when it comes out. I hope you enjoyed~ my friend that pitched me some ideas: @akane-mukami she is amazing and beautiful please go show her some love!

taglist:

@mostpeopleannoyne

@www-dot-ohshit-dot-com

@icequeenoriginal

@espepspes

@rats-this-username-is-taken

Green~~

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lostandbrokenshell · 5 years

Text

Say yes part two

John seed x OC Elle white.

Fast forward a few years.

The sun was high, it was hot out there was no breeze to help cool her down. She didn’t know why but she wanted to keep watch in the horizon something was going to happen. Just when she thought she couldn’t take the heat anymore a breeze ripped through feild. It felt so refreshing.

“Its not safe where you are.” Elle turned around John was standing there, but it wasn’t the John Duncan she knew. He was different, dressed different and there was something else different about him? Thats right, its John Seed now. She could see Falls End behind him the sound of the church bell rang throught the air. “Dont get caught out here.” John said befor he disappeared.

Confused Elle reached out for him but something behind her made her turn around. The bomb hit the ground, the explosion was instantaneously the impact wave reached out fast as the mushroom cloud reached up into the sky. Screaming Elle tried to sheild herself as the heat wave raced towards her.

Elle sat up panicked, breathing heavily. Its just a dream. She reminded herself shakily. She got out of the backseat of her car the cool night air was refreshing against her damp skin. Leaning against the car she looks up at the sky, the sun was starting to come up. Sighing deeply after a few minutes she got into the drivers seat. Might as well keep driving, a few hours out of Falls End. She thought as she started the car up and started driving. To the town she had never been to, that haunted her dreams.

She wasn’t far past the tunnel when her car broke down she had her backpack on and almost ready to walk away when a white truck pulled up. There was a big cross on the hood of the truck and the sides, their clothes also had the same cross. They must be from the church. She thought

“You having car trouble?” One of the men asked as they all got out.

Elle laughed and nodded “Go figure eh? Its been a long trip out im not surprised. You gentlemen wouldn’t know where i could find John Seed? Im an old friend.” Elle asked with a nice smile. But she could tell something was off, as soon as she said Johns name their face hardened.

“Whats your business with John?” They asked their whole demeanour turned hostile.

“Im an old friend.” Elle replied firmly and flatly, they seemed not to like that answer but where unsure how to react to her yet.

Slowly one of the men went back to the truck and grabbed a radio and started talking quietly on it. The others just stared her down waiting. “Whats you name?” Radio guy hollered out.

“Elle White.”

There wasnt much of a pause after he repeated her name “Get in, we’re taking you to the Seed Ranch.” Radio guy yelled out. All the other guys waited for her to start walking before they did, following her close. She got in the passenger seat and the rest of them crammed in the back.

The ride there was quiet other than the radio which was blasting a song that seemed the lyrics where something like ‘Oh John’. But Elle wasn’t paying much attention to the music she was nervous about the men who very much out numbered her. As the house came into view Elle realized the road next the the plane runway that they turned down, was actually a long driveway. He did like his planes she thought remembering the few times he took her out. John was waiting outside with another man she didn’t recognize, John was wearing the same clothes as her dream. Where as the other man was shirtless and had his hair up in a bun. The men who drove you didn’t stay after they dropped you off, they left right away after a nod to John and the other man.

“Its been so long Elle, its so nice to see you.” John said warmly as he came over to hug her. His voice was just as silky as the last time she heard it.

“I missed you John.” Elle replied while hugging him back.

“This is Joseph, i never had the chance to introduce you before i left.” Elle looked over to him his face was friendly, but he was looking right into her eyes. She almost felt like he was staring through her, into her soul.

“Ive seen you before, In one of my visions, your just beautiful in person. Your with us in the collapse, you help us prepare, you help us shepherd into the new era.” He said softly while taking a step towards Elle, but coming no closer.

A vision of the bomb dropping flashed through her mind. “I haven’t seen you in mine.” She looked over to John she could almost feel the heat of the blast against her skin. “But i seen John.” If John was surprised at that he hid it well. “He told me I wasn’t safe where i was and not to get caught outside”

Joseph started walking towards her and cupped her face in his hands. “The lord brought you here, because this is your place, you will help us ive seen it.” His smile was so reassuring. “You and yours, will be welcome to walk through Edens Gate with us.”

“The government is trying to gather information on you all. They came to to visit me, trying to get information on John, from when he was in the law firm. They thought i might hold grudges against him for my brothers ruined career and life.” Elle blurted out.

“The career you helped to ruin?” John asked while raising his eyebrow.

“I dont think they realized i told you not to play favours with him. Or that i gave April the evidence that lead to his criminal charges. Because since you left shortly after his divorce was settled and it came out that he was stealing from clients. They thought it ended badly between us from the firms decision not to help Mike with one of their lawyers. And that since i was a ‘Scorned woman’ in their eyes i must be out for blood.” Elle snorted and rolled her eyes. “You know because emotional women cant think clearly and all i guess.”

“When will the little ones join us.” Joseph asked with a warm smile. Its like it didn’t even phase him Elle mentioned the government was after them. John, he took a small step back and studied Elle completely surprised by Josephs comment on little ones.

Elle was surprised herself. “How did you know about my children?” She asked cautiously.

“I seen them in my visions, with you. You must have lots to talk about, and i will have more times to talk with you later. You should talk with John now.” He smiled warmly at her before he walked away down the driveway.

“Come in.” John motioned towards the house.

“Thank you.” Elle said with a small smile, John took her into the dining room and started to make some coffee. Which seemed to take hours to make even though it was only minutes.

“What are their names?” He asked as he passed her a cup.

Elle paused and sipped on her coffee before she sighed deeply and looked in his eyes. “I was going to tell you.” She said softly. “But by the time I realized it, you where leaving with your brother to reclaim your family name. I didn’t want it...” She paused looking for the right words. “I was scared, i knew you had your path. And I didn’t think mine was with you at that moment, I didn’t want it to derail anything for you. I didn’t want it to seem like i was trapping you after you had found your family again.” She blurted out she could feel the heat in her face. “They’re twins, Mira and Johnathan, or Mimi and Joe as they say it.”

She gave him a small smile John was listening to her, his face made of stone taking in her words but showing no emotion. It made Elles stomach knott in the suspended moment of waiting for the other shoe to drop. “When will they get here?” He asked, his face still blank with emotion.

“Mikes ex wife, April shes looking after them right now. When i give her the call shes going to bring them, shes a couple towns over with them. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go with me showing up, or what i was walkimg into.” Elle replied softly while taking another drink of her coffee, hoping it would magically wash her nerves away.

John put his coffee down and walked towards her, each step she could feel her stomach drop a little more and more. Like each step echoed though her body vibrating her every nerve. Her chest felt like there was a hundred pounds sitting on it, each breath was a battle. One of his arms wrapped around her waist as the other grabed her hair behind her head. Kissing her hard, tightly holding her close against him. She kissed him back more aggressively, hungry for more.

After a few moments Elles pocket vibrated against them, breaking the embrace pulling away Elle looked at her phone. “Its April.”

John kissed her forhead. “Bring them here, this is their home. Your place is in Edens Gate with me, i will give you everything, give them everything.” His grip on her was firm. “Say, it.” He whispered as he leaned in she could feel his breath on her ear. “Say yes, Elle.” It was almost a demanding tone, but it still sent shivers down her spine.

Elle swallowed hard, she didn’t know what to expect when she left to look for him for answers, certainly wasn’t expecting this. She mostly wanted answers to her dreams, now shes left with more questions. Questions and one big desire, and longing. His grip tightened more as he waited impatiently for her response. “Yes.” She mumbled his grip on her relaxed, along with the rest of his body as it embraced her more gently.

“Thats my girl.” He murmured as he gently kissed her neck.

Elle could feel her whole body tingle as she leaned into him, enjoing his current gentle state. She took a moment soaking it in before she pulled away to call April back to bring the kids.

John begrudgingly had emergency business to attend to before April arrived, his mood was foul when he left with the men. Who seemed very aware they wanted to do this quickly as possible.

The kids played out in the yard while April and Elle sat off to the side watching them. “You sure its safe here?” April asked looking over at Elle. “I looked this place up, its cultish.”

Elle laughed a little. “Oh believe me April, i looked it up to.” She flashed her a smile. “But everything just makes sense to me. I dream about a town that up until today i never seen get dusted by a bomb. In said town happens to have a... Alright cult is the right word for it, who are preparing for a doomsday.” Aprils face changed to a ‘really’ look. “Yes, almost every cult is doomsday like” Elle scowled every word dripping with sarcasm. “But this cult just so happens to be lead with my ex, father of my children who apears in the KA BOOM dream. Looking exactly like saw him in today, and he looks completely different from the last time i saw him.” Elle even added in hand gestures for the ka boom.

“Yeah, if i wasn’t there for your first dream, I dont even know if I would of believed you. Being woken up to you screaming, god you where so scared. Helping you look up this town, that I didn’t even thought existed because ‘It was just another nightmare’ kind of thing.” She stopped and looked over at Elle. “Its been a wild ride.”

“It has been, im glad i got you in the divorce.”

“Amen to that, gained a sister in marriage even though the marriage failed the sisterhood thrived.” April agreed. “Saw your car broke down by the tunnel, i told you to wait for the mechanic and leave today.”

“Im sorry, i though we where talking about sisterhood, this sounds like a mom ‘I told you so’ thing.” Elle snorted while rolling her eyes. “Besides I wanted to get here as soon as possible.”

“Im thankful you did.” Johns voice came from behind them, both women turned around. He was walking towards them but watching the kids.

“Well, now is a good time to go site seeing before everything gets dusted.” April said as she stood up smiling and nodding to John as she passed.

He nodded towards her but his gaze was fixed on Mira and Johnathan, who where oblivious to anything going on in their direction. “Want me to call them over?” Elle asked.

John shook his head and sat down next to Elle. “Let them play.” He looked over to her. “You all will have a baptism tomorrow, the church will have a big lunch for everyone to meet you.” He gently put his hand on her face and brought his eyes to her. “I enjoyed our time together more than i have with anyone else, as short as it was. When Joseph found me, and invited me to join him, i considered offering you money to come. To include you in Edens gate, to help us build it up from the ground, i certainly could of used your talents from time.” He paused watching her face. “Offering you money, you would of laughed at me, you never desired that.”

“I would of gone with you, just to go with you. Not for the money. I like your stubbornness, and cunning fierceness and most of all the great sex.” Elle replied giving him a smile. “If i had gone with you, I probably wouldn’t of been as scared to tell you about the twins. But the could of, should of scenarios can go in so many ways. And it makes no difference because we are in the here and now with what did happen. But, a full circle was made, I know this is where we need to be.”

Whoo, end of part two! I have definitely decided on more Elle stories to come!

#far cry 5 fanfiction #farcry 5 fanfic #john seed x oc #farcry 5 #Elle white

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potatos-library · 4 years

Text

Normal Is Overrated

hey.. i have manage to crawl back to my old fanfiction account and i was also in am A- team kick lately as i rewatched the old TV series. I wrote this 5-7 years ago.. im not saying i improved now but with the lock down and me getting sucked in the fandom again ( too bad it does have much content now as the movie adpatation? remake? reboot? came out 10 years ago.. i fell in love with the movie that lead me to look for the original). be warned this is written by a fangirl that loved H.M Murdock ( still do. both Tv series and movie)and it can be a bit cringe as people would say..cause i have less skill than some of the youngest and i guess ansty? kids these days or what ever people use now.... ( im only familiar with ansty 12 year olds from youtube andim 14 and this is deep reference) in terms of writing.. but hey this story was my baby for two years back then XD... well long story short heres a throw back for me.

Chapter 1: sleepless nights

" Just shoot me please..." Murdock asked through the covers and pillows of his bed. Face eyed him warily, Face stopped rummaging the closet of his friend.

" What was that Murdock?" he asked, the conman didn't really get what the pilot said. The pilot said something but the pillow and mattress, which he was laying face down on reduced it to an understandable mumble.

" Buddy are you alright?" Face asked full of concern for the man. the pilot winced , 'when was he ever alright?' he thought. Murdock turned to his side not facing Face.

" Fine just peachy!" he said with a faint hint of annoyance. he tired his best not to let it slip through but it did and he hoped Face didn't noticed.

" Ok, if you say so" Face said trying to sound nonchalant but he tainted it with a little worry tone. unknowingly to Murdock Face heard the annoyance in Murdock's words, no weird accent, no nothing and that made him worry. Face went out of Murdock's room and tried to talk to Hannibal about the pilot.

Hannibal was sitting on the couch in the living room of a small house that Face managed to scam. the colonel was reading today's news paper. Face approached him and sat down on the sofa across the coffee table. The small house served as their home and headquarters for the time being. it was a small house but it was cozy enough, they had their own rooms and the house was furnished enough to make it look like a house not a just a temporary settlement.

" Hannibal, i'm concerned with Murdock" he said while flipping through the channels. The colonel lowered the paper he was reading.

" Why? What's wrong with Murdock?" Hannibal asked. B.A came in with ordered out food and some supplies.

" I'm not sure, he's acting strange.." Face thought, then B.A stopped putting the supplies away and

gave him a Murdock-is-always-acting-weird-look " Well, stranger." he added.

" Did he tell you why?" Hannibal asked, his husky voice was now marred with concern.

" No" the conman answered with some frustration.

" What is that crazy ass fool up to?" B.A said after putting the supplies away. they were silent for a moment, thinking what is the best course of action especially in this situation where in they don't know what exactly is happening. they can patch up wounds, as a ranger they had those skills, but none of them had the skills on how to deal with Murdock right now. And they're mentally kicking their self for being useless for their friend. but they're not giving up quite easily.

" We'll just keep an eye on him and do the best we can to help him." Hannibal said returning to reading his news paper. the two mumbled their agreement, they set up lunch and called for their pilot. Murdock responded slowly much to his taste. he just looked at Face for few moments then he stood up and followed him, then they ate in silence. Murdock can feel their eyes on him, it doesn't help that the voices around him was taunting him.

they don't like you.

why would they? you're nuts

they wouldn't want you...

no one will...

Murdock clutched his fork until his knuckles was white, ' Shut up! just SHUT UP!' he mentally yelled in his head he clamped his mouth shut so his voice wouldn't betray him in letting the words slip. Hannibal noticed the internal tension in his pilot, but he decided not to put him on the spot so he decided ask a trivial question, just to divert the attention of the pilot.

" How do you find Chinese food Murdock?" the colonel asked glancing a little bit towards the captain, his voice gentle. Murdock was abruptly pulled out from his little internal battle that he flinched when their CO addressed him directly. the team didn't liked the fact that Murdock is becoming jumpy, but they tried to hide their worried glances to the clinically insane pilot.

" Its fine bossman. but i think its nothing compare to my cooking" Murdock smiled but the expression didn't quite reached his eyes. but his little remarked somehow released some of the worry three men felt.

" don't be cocky you fool!" B.A remarked, while Faceman and Hannibal chuckled. it worked better than Murdock hoped, they weren't that worried anymore. if he keep this up maybe they wouldn't notice that the place was suddenly so crowded with dark creatures lurking around. he would have to deal with them later, he wouldn't let them near his team. The whole day passed like a blur. Bosco was putting much attention to his van, more attention than a normal person would give to an inanimate object. Hannibal just read the paper and smoked his cigar all day while faceman was gone to do some of his business and he didn't return until nightfall with some food. Murdock just spend all his time in his room, he didn't want his team to see him fight off the dark shadows that kept following him, he told them to go away but they wouldn't listen. they taunted him, they told him to do things that he doesnt understand. not that he wants to, he didn't want to listen to them, he didn't want to know what their talking about. but try with all his might to ignore them they're annoying the hell out of him, they begin screaming everytime murdocks finds a comfortable spot.

After dinner Murdock watch some of the late night movie marathons, he sat at he edge of the couch he squeezed him self in the corner of the couch, hugging his knees to his body not really paying attention to what he was watching. Face sat next to him, smiling at him but Murdock could see the worry in his eyes.

" hey buddy, whatcha watchin' ?" he asked, Murdock stared for amoment before answering

" Uhm... the swamp monster, i think." he said vaugely, ' i guess Hannibal sent him on the assignment to watch me' Murdock thought. the conman eyed the pilot but turned to the black and white women screaming in the T.V. they watched the movie quietly, then suddenly Murdock stood up and stomped to the bathroom, all the while Face was keeping an eye on him, he decided to give the pilot some space and didn't follow him to the bathroom. Inside the bathroom Murdock grew more restless, he just wants to sleep but the voices wont let him. He didn't want Facey to see him breakdown, but the voices are driving him against the wall. he saw the edge of the white sink, an idea came to him. It could look like an accident, then it'll be over he'll surely be knocked out. bashing his head against the sink will sure hurt, he braced himself. 'this will hurt!' he thought, he took a step forward but he froze.

"damn!" he cursed under his breath, he cant do it. why of all time his instinct for self preservation was at full blast?! frustrated, he treaded out of the bathroom and went back to the living room, where face was still watching the swamp monster movie. Murdock glanced at his best friend, he didn't have the heart to watch movies anymore, in other situations he'll be thrilled to have the blond tanned conman watch movies with but right now is not a good idea.

" I'm going to hit the hey now faceman." he mustered all the chirpiness he can put in his voice and tried to smile. Face turned to him and smiled.

" yeah sure, goodnight H.M." he smiled once more and turned back to the T.V . Murdock dragged his feet to his room.

Murdock has been tossing and turning on his bed for quite some time now. He sighed and just turned to hi side looking at the wall.

no one would want you..

you're crazy...

you're alone..

He tried his best to ignore the voices but its getting hard and its really rattling his chains.. he kept telling himself that they are not real, but his having ahard time to believe it.

your team will be fed up with you eventually.

its just a matter of time , they cast you aside..

they'll lock you up again in the VA hospital

"No! thats not true' he metally yelled, he cursed under his breath. he's very thankful that Face manage to scam a house where they have separate room. this will be harder o hide if he has a roommate and he didn't want to burden his friends more.

do you really think all of these are real?

you're still at the VA hospital.

all of these are not real..

you're going to wake up in a padded cell...

Murdock felt something yanks his arm he quickly sat up to fight his assailant but he found him self alone in his room. He ran his hand through his brown hair. laid back on the bed, his body begs for sleep but his mid wouldn't let him. he didn't find the confinement of the four walls of his room bothered him.

" yes , thats probably it." he muttered to the voices "what i need is an open space." and an idea came to his mind. Murdock took his blanket and a pillow and carefully walked out of his room. Face and the others were already sleeping. Face retreated to his own room after 30 minutes Murdock said good night. Murdock went out of the house and climbed up the roof. he spread the blanket over the roof, and up his pillow the night sky was blanketed with dark clouds but it didn't bothered murdock. he laid down on the roof gazing at the dark sky.

After a few moments murdock heard a creak, he sat up, there wasn't even a breeze let alone a wind that can cause the creaking sound. Murdock heart was beating frantically, he scouted the surroundings nothing was on sight. then the wind blew and with it came an awful sound.

you cant hide from us Murdock!

The voice wailed, then Murdocks eye grew wide when he saw dark figure climbing up the roof. their cawed hand were reaching for him, their red eyes showed hunger. Murdock quickly got up and climbed down the roof as fast and as quite as he can. when he finally reached the front door he unlocked it with the key he brought with him, of course despite all he still has his ranger instincts and he will not leave the base open for any intruders to come in. once he was inside he locked the front door, backed away as those creatures abused the poor door. But he knew he cant stay in the house. he'll them directly /to his team and he wont have that. he went to the kitchen and went trough the door that lead to the garage. he tripped but he manage to fling his arm forward to catch him self before he hit his face on the floor. he went out through the back door of the garage and locked it before he leaved. he needs to lead those creatures as far from the house as possible.

A/N: ok you may notice that the story seems like familiar, yup it is because the story was inspired from a fanfic entitled Catching the sand man by Shattered Crack. i really like the worked that i used the pattern of the plot of the story to start mine. but I'm not copying he whole stuff imp really am just inspired by it. thanks for reading.

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i will mention there will be an oc here.. yeah she maybe marry sue i guess,, but i dont wanna subscribe to cancel culture... what ever they mean.. i just enjoy it i guess.. and oh in advance.. cause well you know the cliche oc have tragic story? well mine has one.. im certain i didnt present her story well.. and i wrote her with DID.. and now after 5 years.. i may have written it without consideration that it will offend someone.. and im sorry in advance.. the 6 chapters will be a direct copy paste from the old story that i wrote.. if and only if i continue this story i will try to research more about DID.. im not making fun or light of any mental illness and one should see a doctor if they suffer from one.. so its a disclaimer i guess ?

#a-team #h.m murdock #b.a baracus #hannibal smith #faceman peck #a-team movie #a-team tv series #my writing #fanfiction #oc

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supremeyatori-writes · 7 years

Text

Burden

Read on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9839507 Oikawa sat on the bench in the locker room. Practice had been terrible and his knee had been giving him grief. All of his serves fell short and his tosses were unsuccessful. Shittykawa is what Iwaizumi called him. "Shittykawa focus!" Hajime had yelled. Oikawa looked away and mumbled a quick 'sorry' before returning his attention to the game. He swears he heard some of the first years snicker. He tried not to be put off by it. Didn't everyone laugh at the kings who had fallen? Iwaizumi hadn't called him any more names after that, but you didn't have to be a genius to know he wanted to. He'd tried to save the ball, but he landed on his bad knee, and the other half of the team scored a point. When they looked over at him with their false concern, he played it off. Pretended he fell on his good knee. They believed him too easily. The game ended with Oikawa's side losing 12-25. He'd stayed behind in the lockers, watching everyone walk past him, not even giving him a second thought as they headed home, until he sat alone. He glanced to his phone. It was now 6:30pm. His family would have already had dinner by then. Not even his own mother noticed him. He figured he couldn't really blame her. He was rarely at his home anyway, and when he was, he wasn't a good son, always with an attitude. His family would probably be better off without him. They all would be better off without him, really. His family wouldn't have to deal with a disappointment of a son, who let his grades fall to focus on volleyball, which didn't pay off because he didn't even make it to nationals. They also wouldn't have to deal with the shame of having a gay son. His team would be better off, they could get a decent captain, one they could count on to not get too cocky, one who could take them to nationals. And Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi would probably be the happiest of them all if Oikawa wasn't there. He knew that the other man was only with him out of obligation. They'd known each other since they were children, how do end something with that much history without being the bad guy? Iwaizumi wouldn't have to fuss over Oikawa's every move, making sure there wasn't too much strain on his knee, making sure he was taking his meds, eating enough food, getting enough sleep. Who wants a boyfriend that can't even take care of himself? If he ran away right now, no one would notice, no one would care, because Oikawa was a burden. A high maintenance boyfriend, a high maintenance son, a high maintenance friend. No one wants high maintenance people in their life. The girls that followed him around at school, they didn't know him, they only knew Oikawa Tooru, the volleyball player with the cool serves. Most of his serves were risky, and ended up scoring the other team points instead. Why anyone would be impressed by that was beyond him. He sighed and walked over to the basin, splashing water on his face. It did nothing to clear his mind. Instead as he looked at himself in the mirror, his self-hatred seemed to bubble. His eyes were growing dry from having the contacts in for too long, he had a dull ache in his head from the same thoughts going through his head on repeat, his knee was almost screaming "don't put pressure on me". All these things wrong with him, what was the appeal? Why did the girls love him? why did the other schools fear him? Why did Kageyama Tobio look up to him? He was just Oikawa. Worthless, broken, shitty Oikawa. People only put up with him because of his anxiety. How do you tell someone with anxiety that everything to panic about is true? They never said it in so many words, but Oikawa knew. He felt the back of his eyes prickle and hot tears began to roll down his cheeks and fall to the floor below him. Now he was crying. He really was pathetic. He pressed his back against one the lockers and slid down until he touched the floor. Vision completely clouded by tears, he grabbed his knees and pulled them to his chest. He placed a hand over his mouth to muffle his sobs. The janitor was probably about to start cleaning the gym, and there was no point in distracting him. He took a while to calm down but eventually he wiped the tears from his eyes, and stood himself up, despite the shooting pain in his knee. He washed his face and removed his contacts, grabbed his glasses, slung his back pack over his shoulder and exited the locker room. The gym was mostly dark, except for the light by the entrance and the white light of a phone screen coming from one of the benches. "Iwa-chan?" Iwaizumi looked up from his phone and pocketed the device, walking over to Oikawa. "Ready to go?" He asked. Oikawa looked at him wearing a stunned expression "H-have you been out here the whole time?" "Yup. I know you don't like company during your episodes, so I waited. Did you take your meds today?" "Of course I did. They don't cure it you know" Oikawa snapped. "Okay, I just needed to check. I'm sorry for calling you names. I should've picked up that you weren't in the mood for it." Iwaizumi apologised. Oikawa shrugged. "My mom doesn't even notice I'm not home" he deadpanned, as they headed for the exit. He turned to lock the door, but his hands were shaking. Iwaizumi grabbed his hands and took the key. "Thats probably my fault" he said as he locked the door. "My mom called, and asked where I was, and I said I was with you. She probably told Yuuko" he explained and returned the key to Oikawa. "Oh. I'm sorry I'm such a burden" he said softly, looking away from Iwaizumi. "I'm sorry that I made you wait for hours and I'm sorry that I made your mom worry. I'm such a-" "Hey" Iwaizumi said softly, putting a hand on Oikawa's cheek and forcing him to face him. "None of that. You're not a burden. I would happily wait for you for hours, days, months, years. It's been that way since we were 2 and that won't change now. Come on. Lets go get some food". Iwaizumi drove to their local take away shop, and both settled on ramen noodles. Oikawa was quiet all throughout dinner. "Did you want to stay at my place tonight? I downloaded some of star trek episodes." Iwaizumi suggested. "But you hate star trek" Oikawa sighed. "Yeah, but you don't" "I don't know Hajime. I think I just want to go straight home and crash. It's been a long day." Oikawa sighed again and Iwaizumi looked at him sympathetically. "Okay, tomorrow then" Oikawa tossed and turned. He'd been trying to get to sleep for hours, but to no avail. His body was used to sleeping at 4am, not 12am. Finally he conceded. He grabbed his gym bag and headed out to the school. He unlocked the door and set up. For an hour he practiced his serves. The first few went out, a couple hit the net, but soon enough he found himself sending the ball exactly where he wanted it to go. He was doing it, he was getting back into it, soon enough he'd be able to teach those first years what really happens when you laugh at your captain and then- Oikawa screamed. He was on the ground and felt a blinding pain shoot out from his knee. He must've landed on it badly, or jumped off strange, or maybes he'd just overworked it all together. The pain was so intense he couldn't breathe properly. He needed to call someone. He glanced at his gym bag sitting on the bench. In reality it wasn't that far, but as he tried to stand, only to collapse again, it seemed further away from anything. He slowly began to slide over to the bench, each move sending a wave of pain through his body. He bit down into the flesh of his hand, in an attempt to alleviate some of the pain. Oikawa finally made his way to the bench, and he pulled his gym bag down. The contents of his bag spilled out onto the floor, his keys, jacket, water bottle. He grabbed his phone and and started ringing. "Tooru?" Iwaizumi said sleepily. "It's nearly 1:30 in the morning". Oikawa could tell he was trying not to sound irritated. "I'm sorry I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I-" "Why do you sound hurt?" He said, a very serious tone to his voice. "My knee" Oikawa groaned. "Ok I'm coming over" there was a faint rustle as Iwaizumi got out of bed. "Wait wait! Iwa-Chan!" Oikawa called "Yeah, I'm here" "I'm not at home. I'm at the school - the gym" "What in the gods names are yo-" Iwaizumi was cut off my whimper as another wave of pain shot through Oikawa's body. "Shit okay, I'll be there soon" Iwaizumi said and hung up. It felt like hours, but Iwaizumi did eventually arrive. He stood in the doorway for a moment, taking in the image of his boyfriend on the floor, writhing in pain, unsure of what to do. He shook himself out if his trance and he ran over to him. "Tooru?" "Iwa-Chan. It hurts" Iwaizumi knelt down and examined Oikawa's knee. "Can you move it?" Oikawa shook his head, starting to curl in on himself. Iwaizumi furrowed his brow in concern. He gathered Oikawa's scattered possessions and slung the bag over his shoulder. "Tooru, this is gonna hurt for a second" he said and he scooped Oikawa into his arms, holding him bridal style. Oikawa screamed again, and Iwaizumi cringed. He heated seeing Oikawa in pain. "Hey, I'm sorry, but soon we'll be at the hospital and you can get high on morphine" Iwaizumi joked, but Oikawa just whimpered, clinging to the other's shirt. In the end it turns out Oikawa had worsened his Jumpers Knee. The doctor had given him very strong painkillers, and recommended at least 2 weeks of bed rest. Oikawa had tried to protest, claiming he needed to be on top of his game for when the scouts came, but it was either 2 weeks bedrest, or no more volleyball at all. After having his knee strapped, he was allowed to go home, but Iwaizumi had taken him to his home instead. Oikawa was doped up on meds and talking nonsense. "We should stop seeing each other" Oikawa mumbled, and Iwaizumi's heart stopped. "You don't mean that." "No. I don't. But we should. You wouldn't have to spend all your time worrying about little old me" he mumbled. "Idiot. When are you going to get it throught your skull? I like worrying about you. I've been doing it for 16 years and I don't intend to stop now" Iwaizumi said softly, laying next to him and caressing his cheek. "But I-" "No buts. I love you, and that won't change. Get some rest Tooru" he whispered. Oikawa snuggled into him, and Iwaizumi listened to his breathing change as he fell asleep. After stroking his lovers hair for a short amount of time, Iwaizumi himself felt his eyes droop as he welcomed sleep.

#oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #oikawa x iwaizumi #iwaoi #fanfiction

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