#that's a real thing that happened how did they come up with this shit

[justagalwhowrites]

Gurll, lavender is my go-to reread everytime. Ig u are taking requests (😂🫶🏻), I would really like to see how Joel found out Doc was pregnant of Sylvie and those sweet pregnancy exchanges - like him being worried (‘cause in the original we skip the whole pregnancy). 😎

OMG Hi Bestie!!!

So you'll see some of this in Girl Dad, a canon one shot I did for Doc's birthday back in October. You see some of Doc panicking about Sylvie on her birthday because she's never made it further in a pregnancy and her birthday has just such an awful personal history for her and Joel loves her through it. We also see Joel being just a precious father to his newest baby girl.

BUT... here's some more of the pregnancy for you ❤️

Expecting

20 years after your first pregnancy, you find yourself expecting again. Things are a bit different this time. A Lavender Drabble.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader from Lavender

Warnings: Pregnancy. Smut adjacent. No use of y/n. 18+ only Minors DNI

Length: 2k

September 2, 2024

The first time you threw up, Joel was on patrol.

It's not like you'd gotten your period since the two of you had started trying but you didn't put much stock in that. You'd never been regular and you were nearing menopause now. Missing a period or two was hardly monumental.

But the nausea the morning you woke up alone was.

You rocketed to the bathroom, doubling over the toilet, everything left in you from the night before coming up.

"Shit," you whispered, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand as your stomach still churned.

You knew this feeling. It had been a long time but you knew it.

And you knew you should be happy about it. It wasn't like last time. You and Joel were together now. Not just together, you were married. Things were secure - as secure as they could be in the apocalypse, anyway - and you were trying for this.

But it was still the apocalypse.

It was no small part of you that thought this wasn't going to happen. That you were going to try and try and then menopause would kick in and you'd never have a child you made with Joel. You'd resigned yourself to that a long time ago, that you'd never be a mother to someone that grew inside of you, never raise someone that you'd brought into being through love. You had Ellie who was your child in every way that mattered and that was more than enough.

But you were pregnant. You were sure of it. And you should have been happy about that - thrilled, in fact. Part of you was. The rest of you was terrified.

What had you been thinking? Bringing a child into this destroyed world? Would Joel even still want this now that it was real and not some imagined, idealized thing on the distant horizon? How were you supposed to protect a baby from the horrors of this reality? Even here in Jackson there was fear and risk and you'd gone and done this on purpose.

You didn't tell anyone, though the nurses at the clinic could tell you were off all day. You assured them that you were fine while trying not to panic. What if Joel changed his mind? What if, when faced with the reality of it, he didn't want to bring a baby into this world?

You threw up again that afternoon, the sickening feeling hanging around after everything came back up and you tried not to cry.

Joel got home after Ellie was already in bed that night, his patrol keeping him out late. You were pacing the kitchen when you heard the front door open and close quietly, the squeak of the floorboards under his heavy boots.

"Baby?" He frowned poking his head into the kitchen. "What're you still doin' up, it's late..."

"I know," you smiled a little, looking him up and down and taking stock to make sure he was still in one piece. "I'm glad you're back."

He smiled back, coming all the way into the kitchen to take you in his arms and kiss you, gentle and deep.

"You and me both," he said. "Gettin' too old to be sleeping rough like that, feel like I did my time with that shit getting out here..."

You laughed a little and nuzzled into him, breathing in the sweaty, woodsy scent of him.

"What's wrong, baby," he whispered, his arms enveloping you totally, holding you against him. "Can tell you got somethin' on that big brain of yours."

You pulled back from him just enough to see his face, his arms still holding you loosely. His face was smeared with dirt, the grime of the trail and sweat on his skin and his eyes were soft and warm and like home.

"I'm pregnant," you said softly. Those eyes got wider. "I know we've been trying but... It's real now and..."

"You're pregnant?" He breathed, stepping back from you, his hands going to your shoulders. You nodded, tears stinging the corners of your eyes. "Oh Baby..."

He took your face in his hands and kissed you again, so hard you could taste the passion on his tongue.

"Really?" He asked, his eyes searching yours as he pulled back from you and taking your shoulders again. You just nodded again, your heart pounding. "Fuck, that's... that's amazing, we're gonna... Baby, you're pregnant!"

"Yeah," you laughed a little. "Yeah, I am... You're happy?"

"Happy?" He laughed back. "Baby, I'm... I'm so far beyond fuckin' happy that word don't even begin to cover it."

He got to his knees in front of you, his hands on your hips, sliding around to cradle the small of your back as he looked lovingly at your stomach.

"You're pregnant," he said, awed, almost to himself. He pressed a kiss to you, over your womb, before one of his hands came to hold you reverently there. "Our baby is in you, right now."

"Yeah," you smiled, voice wet. "Yeah, they are."

"That's amazing," he whispered before looking up at you. "You're amazing, you're the most amazing thing I've ever seen..."

You ran your fingers through his curls before cupping his cheek.

"Thank you," you said, your whole being feeling lighter now, knowing that he was really in this with you.

"For what?" He asked, getting to his feet and pulling you against him again. "You're the one doin' all the work."

You smiled a little.

"For wanting this with me," you said quietly. "I was afraid... I'm still afraid. But we can do this."

"We can do this," he echoed you, kissing your temple. "You, me, Ellie, this baby. We're a family. We can do this."

You put a palm over your womb again, cradling where the child you'd made with Joel was growing inside you.

He was right. You could do this.

But things were different after that.

Joel hovered. It reminded you a bit of when he first came to the QZ, back when he thought his fear was something he could push past if he just got close enough. You’d be working at the clinic, turn around to pick something up and then Joel would be there. You’d be relaxing on the couch and decide you needed a cup of water and, the second you started to move, he was up instead asking what you needed.

“I’m perfectly capable of getting my own drink, you know,” you said a two months after you’d told him you were pregnant and Joel had damn near held you down instead of letting you go to the kitchen. “Also capable of walking to the mess hall on my own, making my own lunches…”

“All the work you’re doin’ growing my baby, I should do something,” he replied, bringing you a glass of water. “Seems like this is the least of it.”

You might have believed him if it wasn’t for the other things, too.

You’d become insatiable during pregnancy, all but demanding sex at least once if not twice a day. You couldn’t get enough of Joel but he seemed to be able to get enough of you.

It was close to Christmas when you finally brought it up, Joel’s hands more gently roaming over your skin rather than with any desire or need.

“We don’t have to do this if you’re not interested, you know,” you said, hoping you didn’t sound too desperate.

Joel frowned, looking over your face for a moment.

“What?” He sounded completely puzzled. “Why would I not be interested?”

“I know I look different now,” you ran a hand over your growing bump and took a deep breath. “It’s OK if you’re not as attracted to me at the moment…”

“In what fuckin’ universe am I not attracted to you?” He asked, his eyebrows knitting together. “Baby, if I could spend the rest of my damn life inside you, I’d be a happy man.”

Your confusion must have shown because he brushed your hair back before adjusting your face to look at him.

“What’s goin’ on,” he asked gently. “Why are you saying this stuff.”

“You don’t touch me like you used to,” you said quietly, hoping you didn’t sound too wounded by it. “And it’s OK if you don’t want me like that right now, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t really want and…”

“Baby,” he cut you off. “I’m gonna stop you right there. I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted you more than I do right now. Not when I first met you and you were some hot young thing, not when you first got off the plane to come visit, not when I first saw you again in the QZ. Seeing you grow our baby is the most beautiful, most sexy thing in the damn world, don’t go thinking otherwise.”

“Oh,” you frowned. “Then… I don’t understand. What’s going on?”

“I just…” he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before looking at you again, a pained look on his face. “I’m scared, baby. I’m scared in a way I ain’t been since we came to Jackson.”

“Joel,” you whispered, running your fingers through his hair. “We’re OK here, we’re safe here…”

“I know,” he said. “You’re safe from infected and you’re safe from raiders but… baby, what if you get hurt? You’re the doctor here, what if something happens to you or the baby? What if there isn’t someone who knows how to save you? What if I do somethin’ to you on accident, what if I’m too rough because I’m caught up in touching you the way I want? I can’t risk that, baby, I can’t.”

“Oh Joel,” you breathed, pressing yourself closer. “You’re not going to hurt us. I promise, you’ve never been too rough with me. If something doesn’t feel right I’ll tell you but it’s OK. We’re safe. You’re safe.” You guided his hand to your breast, his large palm curving around the soft flesh. “And I want you to touch me, really touch me. Please.”

He was cautious at first, hesitant. Now that you knew he was afraid, it was easier to see it on his face and feel it in his touch. But you guided him through it, holding his hand, reassuring him, until he was lost in you and things felt right for the first time in months.

You learned how to head things off after that. When he would appear in the clinic, you would give him a kiss and tell him how you were feeling. If the baby was moving, you’d guide his hand to your stomach to let him feel them alive inside you. When you needed something at home and could see that he was restless and distracted by worry, you’d ask him for help. You started meeting him at the gates after patrol so he could see you and touch you as soon as he was back, feeling how he relaxed when his hands were on you.

When you went into labor, though, you were worried. You knew he was afraid but then, so were you. You were afraid not just of what could happen, of how it would hurt under the best of circumstances, but of how to help Joel through it, too.

But he sensed what you were doing right away, so in tune with you now. He climbed into the bed behind you, pulling you back so your head was resting on his chest.

“Don’t you dare worry about me,” he said, kissing the crown of your head. “I’ve got you, baby. Got both of you.”

You smiled a little as the contraction eased and he held you a little tighter.

“I know you do,” you relaxed into the firm, strong body of your husband. “I know.”

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #kit answers #send asks #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #lavender #lavenderversary

[amizuki]

watched the pilot storyboards, albeit only 3/4 of it, and I like how the pilot made Luz seem more like an outcast eccentric weirdo, which is what she's supposed to be, rather than an ignorant asshole who is borderline terrorist

instead of her waltzing into school with dozens of spiders, snakes and fireworks, that she all planned to use INSIDE the building with a smile on her face and not a care in the world, here she instead only brings one snake to school and that's it. a snake that stays with her and her only, doesn't bite anyone, and whom she also later sets free OUTSIDE school. sure, she mentions that Azura is going to "explode out of the snake's stomach", but I heavily doubt it meant that, if the teacher hadn't stopped her, she was gonna pull out a big pack of fireworks, like the ones she had in the show, stuff them inside the snake's mouth and blow it up, especially considering she called the snake "friend" and seemed to treat it like an actual living being, instead of a book report prop, since she had a bag of food for it in her locker.

honestly they should've kept this scene in the 1st episode, at least partially.

like, the start of the episode would play out the same as in the pilot, except Amity isn't here and doesn't stand up for her, so Luz just quietly sits down at her desk in embarrassment and maybe pets the snake while looking upset or something. it then continues the same, up until she opens her locker.

(by the way, I feel like this scene would work better to show the audience that Luz is a nerd, by looking at all those things in the locker, that are usually considered as either nerdy, childish or both, rather than having Luz herself just tell us that she likes to do nerdy things)

in the pilot, that's where Amity walks by and Luz tries to talk with her, but since she wouldn't be able to be here in the actual show, instead Luz would hear an announcement from the principal that he needs her to go to his office. cut to her sitting in the office with her mom already there, and then it generally plays out the same way it did in the 1st ep – the principal says that Luz's been disrupting classes often and have been making her classmates weirded out and disturbed by her antics, which also simultaneously lead to her having no friends. no spiders in class and fireworks inside building – only her acting overly eccentric and weird, to the point where she might accidentally ignore some of the social norms, like with that book report in the pilot and the school play in the show. then the principal mentions today's geometry class that Luz interrupted and says that this was the final straw – not only because something like that happened however many times before, but also because this time she brought a live snake to class, and while it didn't bite anyone (unlike in the show, where her snakes bit MULTIPLE people, and Luz was just like "oops, guess that's where the backup snakes went haha lmao"), it was still a very dangerous thing to do. Camila would react to it in surprise and ask "Mija, where in the world did you even get a snake?" or something like that, with Luz just kinda awkwardly shrugging in response, while looking down at the floor. after that, the principal offers for her to go to a summer camp, to "get her head out of the clouds", and everything else plays out the same way it did in the actual 1st episode.

if it was like that, then, once again, it would actually make Luz look like just an eccentric nerd, who doesn't actively try to harm or disturb anyone, and just does things that she thinks are cool or fun. sure, she might come off as a bit ignorant, with her occasionally ignoring classes and social cues, but it would be just because she's too passionate about the things she likes and gets so much into them, that she might forget the real world in the process.

but uh... the 1st episode Luz isn't exactly that

letting dozens of small spiders inside class, while not giving a shit about people who are scared of those is not cool or fun.

letting however many snakes roam free and bite everyone, while, again, not giving a shit about them being bit is not cool or fun.

and, fucking hell, setting off fireworks inside the school without a second thought is NOT cool or fun

so yeah, that's all I've got

also I wish the "Why would anyone throw it away?" moment with Eda was somehow kept in the show, because it's honestly beautiful and I love it. I don't know how they'd be able to pull it off in the actual show, since Amity was never able to go to Human Realm there and thus Luz wouldn't be able to make that drawing of them, but oh well, it's good that we're able to see this scene at least in the storyboard form.

#♤mizu.txt #toh pilot #the owl house #toh critical #not really that critical but I still wanna add that tag #txt

[thelakesuite]

The Rusty Lake Story in Bitchass Baby Terms

this is ALL off the top of my head (and i haven't experienced like 10% of it maybe?) so i might be wrong but i don't care right now

the lake itself isn't, like, that well established 'cause it's a mystery game or something so we don't need full exposition. it's some deity-like thing as old as the mammoths (not canon) that eats time. or rather memories that are stored in lil cubes. and it gives its zookeepers immortality so they can keep feeding it. they call themselves the Rulers of the Lake but we all know the truth. 'immortality', or rather enlightenment, is represented by you becoming your fursona and living maybe an extra century. mr. owl's looking for a new heir pretty quick in the process but we'll get to that.

corrupted souls are kinda a byproduct of all this. truly the lake's farts. when a person dies horribly, when their memories get extracted wrong, or when the plot demands it, they become corrupted. corrupted souls still talk, and some of them are even sensible (like your mom oooooh), but generally they're jumpscare beasts or wet little puppies. sometimes both. yes you can get corrupted when you're enlightened, and right now it's the more likely outcome actually. there's a whole 'elixir of immortality' that gets harped on, where one drinker gets corrupted and the other gets enlightened, but that is literally only a thing for roots and a little bit of cave so don't worry about it too much. unless you're making dramatic fanart in which case leverage that shit.

cubes come up a lot in cube escape, believe it or not! black ones are bad memories, white ones are good memories, blue ones are connected to the past in a way that's somehow not a memory, gold ones are connected to the future, red ones only exist in my fangame that ellesian recently unearthed, and green ones are jello yum. also suck it anyone who told me pre-tpw the gold cube thing was unestablished. anyway. it was a big thing mr.'s owl and crow were working on, creating a golden cube (presumably to extend their own lives) as seen in cave, but then one just kinda appears in the past within when albert does electric jujitsu. jury is still out on that.

onto the actual narrative i think.

in paradise, you're mr. owl pre-owling (1790-something). the lake's current suckass servants are your family who tried to sacrifice you to it way back, but your mom took your place for mom reasons. now mom's corrupted and guiding you to... well, to get sacrificed for real this time. but with your powers combined (yes mr. owl was two people, no it is never addressed) you get enlightened and tell your family to fuck off 'cause you're building a hotel on that island now. you also get a tease in the secret ending that dale and laura will do a similar fusion dance to be the lake's next suckass. we've been waiting 6 years for that to happen.

in roots, two alchemist brothers get that elixir shit going (1860-1935). one of them becomes mr. crow, while the other becomes a playable character for a game. and corrupted. you rope your whole bloodline into this, harvesting their body parts (usually after they die from other means, but you totally caused most of their deaths) for a reincarnation ritual involving a magic seed (that also only exists for this game). this is where the best characters come from because rusty lake actually wanted to tell a story with this game. you reincarnate into a woman! don't think about the implications.

in samsara room, the inside scoop of reincarnation is fuckin' weird, dude (1935). the original was made before rusty lake began, so it's not truly part of the narrative, but it got folded in for the fifth anniversary.

in hotel, you do not get the backstory of the third bird man (1890ish). instead, you get to kill mr. owl's family again, but one-on-one as animal people. how did they become animal people? fuck you that's how! mr. owl probably did it on purpose to spite them with shit sandwiches and bullets to the brain. oh, also, there might be an evil twin of mr. rabbit that shows up later.

in arles, you're vincent van gogh. that's it. he's not relevant. but it is funny seing the death date of paul gauguin in the timeline docs.

we're talking about the past within later but the 'past' segment takes place around here. 1926 iirc?

in birthday, your parents get shot (1939). you're going to be an important detective, dale, but like right now you're getting traumatized. or rather you're experiencing that memory, then doing blue cube magic to fix it and have your grandpa shoot evil mr. rabbit instead. is your grandpa actually mr. crow? no. shut up about it now.

in underground blossom, your mom gets abducted (1935-1972 maybe). okay, well, not you. this is the laura backstory metaphor game but you're actually playing as the third bird man who is both her stepdad and her pet. and her grandpa albert takes her mom rose for his own nefarious reincarnation schemes maybe probably. rose is surprisingly okay with it but characters rarely put up a fight with the plot anyway. laura's a lonely kid, starts dating robert, picks up art to soothe her nightmares, gets murked, then reaches some kind of epiphany that we just train ride away from before finding out what actually happens. she's your daughter, damnit, you should support her transcendence. not enlightenment importantly. also, no, laura's life didn't literally happen at train stops, it's just a vehicle. not even a pun don't fucking laugh i see you snickering.

in seasons, you set up a really interesting plotline that gets utterly countered by everything that came after (1960's-80's). it's just laura time in there, and she uncorrupts herself, thank you very much. the series has been struggling with how laura gets her corrupted self to 1980-whatever, and so far only one other game's even taken place after 1972. and that game's the past within which also counters every other plotline. sigh. maybe we're not smart enough for these puzzle games. at least harvey's cute and bird-shaped. key point that's impossible to fuck up is that laura dies in 1972, and it's unclear whether it was a murder or suicide. that's why we get a detective.

in harvey's box and the lake, uh i don't know really (1969). these are early games that are basically spinoffs of seasons. they help with the overarching stuff but aren't much for the narrative at this point. also they suck

in case 23, dale starts investigating laura's death and gets wrapped up in the lake stuff (1972). it was supposed to be just another murder case, but he got too into it and it got too into him, so he gets teleported to the lake chapel and ferried off to. somewhere idk. he goes into an elevator that takes him down memory lane to the lake floor.

in the mill, mr. crow is really trying to clean house before dale gets here (1972). this is where laura gets her ass corrupted by mr. crow, and we find out how the lake eats memories or whatever. it's supposed to overlap with case 23 and it almost succeeds. whatever skrunk is still there is forgiveable, this was the flash era after all.

in theatre, dale learns about ripoff hinduism, goads a man into suicide, and abandons his darling toilet fetus son (1971). it's like birthday again, where this is a memory we're seeing, but that is a light distinction. robert kills himself at the bar, and we take his memories for legal reasons. there's some sixfold wheel we learn about that doesn't matter much.

in the cave, mr. crow still cleans house before dale gets to the Magic Memory Machine (1972). mr. owl's kinda sorta dying, and dale's been elected his son or something. gotta get his mindmeats. you read a textbook about cubes, pilot a submarine to the lakefloor, put dale and laura in a surrogate fusion dance machine, then give dale the golden cube it makes before sending him up the elevator again. hotel did imply something serious was gonna happen when he gets to the top, but that was eight years ago. the devs probably forgot and fell too in love with albert vanderboom in the meantime.

in the white door, robert unkills himself and gets wrong psychiatry (1972). as it turns out, mr. owl has a front business running a for-profit psych ward to extract totally good and healthy memories from people. this one is an actual factual spinoff but is kinda relevant for the greater rusty lake metropolitan area.

in paradox, fuuuuuuuck who knows maaaan, isn't it all just a metaphor? (1972). there's a consensus that none of the stuff that happens in paradox actually happens, and that it's all in dale's head while he's in the Magic Memory Machine from cave. even though there's five different endings, he kinda walks away at the end, which might be the worst ending of the lot. the information's solid though; mr. owl spells out the whole heir thing, there's bits of backstory for dale and laura everywhere. also the movie's sick.

in the past within, albert becomes a mechanical engineer for the sole purpose of making plot armor (1926/1984). yeah, remember that guy from roots? the voodoo murderer who got third-hand alchemy information to make up for his lack of pussy? yeah, he invented a time machine decades ago. and he enlisted his daughter to talk to her past/future self to grow him back to life in 1984. with a gold cube that he somehow got. and somehow his scar is genetically coded in him. and we don't see his wiggly lineart dick. what does he do in 1984? trap his daughter in a time loop then who the fuck knows. he's stuck in his jumpscare beast ways from being corrupted for so long. how did he get corrupted when he was literally buried in the ground and salvaged bones from? next game!

there's an ARG that i never saw a thing of because i hated it, best kept memory. from what i gathered, it was another front scheme for memory harvesting, except in the 2000's. does that mean it's enlightened dale/laura doing this one, since mr. owl presumably passed on the title then turned into a fish? i'd like to know too!

also, a chapter of underground blossom i haven't completed, and a paper-based game coming out within the next two years or whatever. i don't know how much they'll clear up.

toodles!

#rusty lake #basically the cube escape era set up this 1972 arc without actually concluding it #and each of the steam titles have been more distinct stories while still playing to the overall plotline #kinda like spinoffs of spinoffs #a lot of us old folk are bitter that we still haven't resolved 1972 and there isn't much focus with the recent games #like they do just enough building on each other to make it irritating they aren't doing more. especially compared to the cube escapes

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Not gonna lie, this whole thing really sucks. I think I wrote a message awhile back about the very cool feminist angle of the Plus Global Auditions Invitation video, I'm an SNL Army and was new to watching kpop very closely and was so sold by that video. I thought - 'this company is really different.' Going public with a company f*cks a lot of things up, it happens all so often, and often it's the people and the ethos that gets messed up the most. It's frustrating to see this devolution. Because I was really excited by what MHJ was being given space to do at BH/Hybe. Though, as a fellow art school student, I am shaking my head and serious side-eyes at how she says things like 'I'm an artist, I don't know how to read contracts' (obviously I'm paraphrasing) - it's clear Hybe knows she's got the goods but she's not playing by their game anymore. The response and flood of crazy comments and hate at BTS is frustrating but expected, but just such a waste of time all the same. I've also never thought BH and then Hybe were super super smart and long-gaming everything (don't come for me Bangtan U fans) I think they were lucky and scrappy and skillful and making cool things happen moment to moment. Later on they got better at the strategic planning, sure. I don't know. They may need a good kick in the pants to remember that's what makes them great at what they do. But still, I hate the idea of MHJ being cooked even if she seems like a real pain in the tush to work with. Because technically, she's what got me to really buy-in to what BTS & BH were doing in the first place.

***

Yeah, it's a shitty situation.

To be fair, I think at the start, Bang PD was trying to do something different and 'forward-thinking' with HYBE. He sought out good talent going by the hires he did in 2019/2020, managing to onboard creatives like Min Heejin and Zico. Zico already incorporated his company to manage himself before Bang PD approached him, which is probably why he owns ~24.5% of KOZ - his sub-label in HYBE.

But with Min Heejin...

She had partnered with 250 - a popular DJ in Korea and NewJeans' main producer, since she left SM in 2018. He runs BANA (a creative collective) but she'd wanted her own label since the start.

Bang PD knew this, and wanted her for HYBE, so it's likely he made all sorts of promises to get her on board without awarding her a single share. Almost as soon as key creative decisions had to be made post-Global Plus audition, they both clashed, but HYBE as a company was less than 1 year old and it appears Bang PD and MHJ still had good relations... which was kinda easy since he still needed her creative output and wanted to see what she could do. So they let her make her own label: ADOR, and keep NewJeans even though according to Min Heejin, HYBE executives and Bang PD thought her concept and style of music for them would be impossible to sell to k-pop stans.

They expected NewJeans to fail or flounder. Instead, by 2023 NewJeans had become one of the top 5 most valuable k-pop IPs in Korea. If my guess is right, by that point she had no shares in ADOR, no agreement with HYBE's indefinite non-compete clause. She could walk anytime and I'm sure a lot of people wanted her.

Then HYBE approached Min Heejin with the shareholder contract to give her 20% of the company. It's a classic 'carrot and stick'. The carrot was easy to see. Apparently offered her the shares at a very low price, apparently Bang PD even lent her the money to buy it, for a valuation that HYBE considered more than generous, he was in her KakaoTalk chats buttering her up with those godawful emojis lmaooo. He was selling that shit hard. The stick in the contract was the poison pill which essentially tied her to HYBE for as long as they want her.

Perhaps she was aware of the pill and signed any way because at that point they still had good relations with Bang PD and HYBE in general. But according to her, Bang PD kept wanting more control over NewJeans the more successful the group became. Realizing she had to do something about the poison pill, she sought to negotiate, and as is typical in these sort of situations, you fight greed with more greed.

Asking to bump up the multiple on the options from 13x to 30x is frankly ridiculous. For a male CEO I can see it being considered... maybe, but for a woman? In Korea?

I'm sure when the other suits at HYBE heard that's what she was asking, at least one of them almost had a stroke. The logic is simple though: start crazy high and end.. just high. If HYBE was looking to exert more control over NewJeans (for example, every sub-label and group in HYBE changed to using 'bio-paper and ink' for their albums starting in 2023, to help HYBE meet their ESG targets. The only company that's not made the switch yet, is ADOR. Given how carefully MHJ controls branding and album design for NewJeans, I can see this minute detail being a massive thorn lol)... anyway, if HYBE was indeed looking to gain more control, the fact that they'd have to pay 30x if MHJ exercised her options on a whim, would serve as a very strong deterrent.

Given what I understand Korean corporate culture to be like, I doubt she had any friends in upper management to start, but with a demand like that, practically all of them would turn enemies in a heartbeat. It's the sheer audacity lmao. My guess is she would've eventually negotiated down, at least once she was assured real creative independence from Bang PD. But at some point, rather, quite predictably given this is corporate Korea, the need for control and the egos involved decided she had to be cut loose now and perhaps taught to not bite the hand that feeds her.

It's not a sentiment limited to the suits at HYBE. It's followed her since SM and the general public would hate it too, which is one reason I think it's only a matter of time before the narrative switches again to HYBE's favour. I promise you, most regular men in Korea would go red in the face, eyes bulging out their heads, drool and spit shooting out like projectiles, at the thought she would dare to demand such a thing. And in a way they'd be right. It's an insane amount of money for female creative in Korea, but I think given everything else, it also seems like a gamble she was taking as a means to an end. A simple negotiating tactic, given what she keeps highlighting as her main goal - unimpeded and full creative and managerial control.

Bang PD wants to build a 'forward-thinking' company comparable to Western conglomerate juggernauts like SONY and Warner Music, but I don't think these Korean men have the chops to do it right, just yet. I've had that impression of Bang PD for a few years now. He's been getting results, but they are inconsistent and he's got the biggest 'surety' in a sense with BTS, so he's been fine, and will continue to be fine for a few more years at least. But if they are messing up this spectacularly with their first female executive and one of their most valuable IPs, over... an options price negotiation?

And they want to pretend to be better than any other corp in Korea?

Lol.

Anyhoo.

I sympathize a bit with how you feel, but as a Korean woman, I guess I'm numb to it. There's a reason I've never chosen to work in that country, there's a reason why the birth rate is nearing the negatives. It's really unfortunate, and I'm sorry you're seeing a prior expectation you had getting blown up this way. And this latest hatefest on BTS has been quite ugly and isn't near done yet. This whole situation is gross, and even more so when the motivations behind it are so... banal and backwards.

But these are undercurrents that are too simple and boring for the average stan. Burning the witch who is responsible for masterminding the demise of a virtuous group is far more exciting. And so that's how the story will go.

I just hope that by some miracle, NewJeans turns out okay and manages to thrive after this. Because in all of this mess, they will deal with the implications the most and for the longest time.

#newjeans #ador #min heejin #bang pd #hybe #kpop

[gyuzoh]

“풀어 POUR UP” KIM MINGYU—°

summary: bartender kim mingyu, who you have the undeniable hots for— denies your advances due to your promiscuous reputation as seoul’s newest and upcoming hottest female dj.

therefore you make it a mission to prove your god-sculpted eye candy, wrong.

playlist: pour up (dean), you know (jay park, okasian), 2nd thots (jay park), freak like me (camo), btbt (b.i)

warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol, drugs and sex.

previous or next

chapter three.

you wake up to the sound of a running shower, the air smelling of a husky cologne. as you sit up and rub the sleep from your eyes, they scan the unfamiliar room. it belonged to a guy for sure.

looking down at the dark grey bed sheets, you notice you’re wearing a hoodie that you don’t own, and possibly wouldn’t ever be able to afford. dior.

last nights memories were failing to come to mind in this moment, and the thought of you in an unknown man’s room made your head hurt.

you glance down and notice the dress you had worn to the party last night was scattered on the ground of the bedroom, along with your heels, leaving you essentially half naked under this hoodie you’re now clad in.

thoughts were racking your brain, making up possible scenarios as to why you’ve awoken alone in a strangers queen sized bed, did you sleep with him? how much did you actually drink last night to not be able to remember it?

you felt scared at the endless possibilities, not knowing what happened or who with, your heart fell to your stomach. shit, fuck, fuck.

you ruffle your hair in frustration, unsure of who to expect to walk out that bathroom only a few meters away from you. you’d never had a one night stand before, are you supposed to stay? do you leave secretly when they’re unknowing?

before you could make the decision of leaving, the door to the bathroom opens, and the first thing you notice as the man emerges from the room is the incredibly large chest and sculpted bicep muscles to match. “oh, you’re awake.”

you glance up from the wet body, eyes widening at the realisation of who’s house you were at. kim mingyu.

at this point, your mouth was agape from the shock of the situation. you were basically half naked in the room of the man you were practically a dog for. yet you felt safe.

“did we sleep together?” the question blurted from your lips before you even had time to think about what you wanted to say, to which mingyu responded with a hum of agreement.

he walks towards the closet which stood opposite of the bed, the water droplets dripping off his back made you gulp. this man was gorgeous.

“well i mean, you didn’t let me sleep on the couch.” the disappointment was real, though you were also glad you had some sort of self respect.

mingyu grabs a white tee from the closet and throws it over his head, now covering his godly body, the towel that was around his shoulders now drying his hair.

he notices how your eyes were scanning his body, and he lets out a little chuckle at your obviousness, which made your cheeks turn a light shade of pink at the embarrassment of being caught.

“how are you feeling?” he asks you, sitting on the edge of the bed making it dip from his weight.

“i’m feeling okay, but i don’t remember anything past the halfway of my set.”

mingyu nods his head in understanding, unsure of whether to tell you about what happened last night, ultimately deciding it was better to tell you than to leave you in the dark.

“someone put something in one of your drinks,” he begins, twirling his thumbs and observing your bare face that he struggled to wipe with the makeup wipes he bought after he laid you down in his bed.

your mouth opens and lets out a quiet ‘ahh’, nodding your head and looking down. how stupid could you be to be accepting drinks from intoxicated strangers, the thought of not making it home safe, or to even be alive made you shiver.

“i took you here after seeing you fighting with your ex boyfriend, he said he didn’t do it, but you can never be too safe.”

you shake your head no, taehyung was a douche bag for sure, but he’d never put your safety on the line. you were somewhat thankful that man had morals. “thank you, for taking me here.”

mingyu smiles, “no problem,” getting up from the bed and walking out the room to get you a glass of water. but you still had one question for the man.

“why am i not in my own clothes?” he stops at the door and looks back at you, stifling laughter that was music to your ears.

“you kept complaining and asked me to change you.” he leaves.

once hearing those words, scenes started flashing in your head— the way you whined until the male unlaced your dress, his hands grazing your bare back and waist, looping the hoodie you currently wore over your head.

you groan in embarrassment, cheeks tinging pink again as you put your head in your hands. this man has seen your body that not even your ex boyfriend had been able to.

then it hits you, this man took you to his home, dressed you, taken off your makeup, slept in the same bed as you, all the while he had a girlfriend. somi.

the guilt was evident, sure you disliked the woman but you’d never homewreck a relationship, not after knowing the pain of being cheated on.

mingyu comes back into the bedroom, handing you a small glass of water and beckons you to drink it. you drink the clear liquid and hand it back to him once you’re done.

his large hands place the cup on the bedside table and he hands you your now charged phone, which was left with a few dozen calls from your little brother, messages reading concern of where you were and why you weren’t home.

“i should probably, uh, head home,” you say quietly, messaging heeseung that you’d be home within the hour and that you’re safe.

mingyu hums in response and starts to pick up your clothing on the ground and placing it in a paper bag for you to take home, then grabbing a pair of grey sweats from his closet, chucking it toward you. “it’s cold out today, wear these pants.”

you slowly get out of his warm bed, slipping on the sweats he handed to you, with hopes he doesn’t see anything you didn’t want him to.

though he had basically seen all of you last night due to your intoxicated, clingy state.

“i’ll take you home.”

the ride home was comfortable, music playing as you guys shared small talk. you’ve arrived at your apartment, mingyu walking you to the door as he carried your bag and clothes in his hand.

your hand reaches out to unlock the door, but it opens up wide before you could even jingle your keys. “where the hell have you been?”

you finally remember how you had told your worried sibling that you’d be home by 3am, and how you’d definitely be safe.

heeseung stands before you, his hair a mess due to waiting for you the entire afternoon.

“i was out-“ heeseung cuts you off before you could finish your sentence, pulling you into a hug and releasing a quick sigh of relief.

mingyu stands there watching the two of you, but he wasn’t exactly as relieved as heeseung was. not with knowing the events that took place last night, if you were his girlfriend, you’d never been allowed to go to a party unaccompanied.

“you just let your girlfriend go to a party all alone? do you even know what happened? do you even care she’s come home in another man’s clothes?”

both you and your brother pull apart from eachother, the dots slowly, but finally connecting for the two of you. so that’s what he meant by boyfriend.

“this is my sister, you idiot.”

mingyu’s eyes widen, looking at the two of you properly for the first time since he had met youse that night two weeks ago.

you nudge heeseung, scolding him for being rude to an elder.

mingyu finally notices the resemblance between you and heeseung, the high nose bridges and the plump lips you had both received from your mother. “did something happen last night? are you okay?”

you shake your head no and smile at heeseung, not wanting him to know you’d been almost admitted to the ER if not for mingyu. and more or less, taehyung.

pushing heeseung inside, you take ahold of your things from mingyu, grabbing your phone and opening instagram— handing the phone to mingyu in attempt to get his username.

he raises an eyebrow and gives you a slight smirk, his hand reaching out to grab your phone. “just so i can return your hoodie.” excuses blurted out of your mouth, anyone would know you just really wanted his instagram.

“you can just keep it, no?”

achieving mingyu’s instagram was finally a success, as well as somewhat proving to him you weren’t just some cougar. on top of that, you got a free, expensive hoodie that smelled of his cologne, leaving you kicking your feet in the air.

you’re laid on the bed of your room, finally opening messages from worried friends, noticing a few texts from wonwoo, a ‘call me when you see this’, catching your eye. so you do just that.

the dial tone rings once, and his deep voice answers almost immediately, worry evident in his tone, “hey, how are you? did mingyu get you home safe?”

you were being bombarded with questions from the concerned male, which made you smile.

“hey wonwoo, i’m feeling good, i’m sorry if i worried you or soonyoung last night, i don’t really remember anything.” wonwoo tells you not to worry, and that he’s just glad you’re home safe.

the two of you exchange a few more words, laughing at the small talk. “i feel bad you went through that, can i take you out for dinner to make it up to you atleast? i’m the one who invited you in the first place”

wonwoo was too sweet of a person to you, and it made your heart clench. you respond to him with a hum of agreement, “yeah, i’m free whenever you’re free.” how could you deny a free dinner?

“sweet, i’ll pick you up friday evening?”

mingyu sat engulfed in his own thoughts on the ride home, drowning in embarrassment. that was her damn brother, mingyu. he was so caught up in listening to those rumours of you, he couldn’t even notice the obvious.

mingyu arrives back at his shared apartment, as he’s about to unlock the front door, he’s stopped by arms snaking around his waist, the strong scent of perfume overtaking his nose.

somi stood behind him, head leaning against his toned back. “i missed you.”

the male sighs at the girl wrapped around his body, hesitant to reciprocate after the events of last night.

he had known somi was overprotective of him, but the disappointment he had felt in her with the nonchalance to you being in a dire situation, had him feeling uneasy around somi.

last night had opened mingyu’s eyes, it felt as if though the woman standing right there wasn’t the same sweet, innocent somi he had developed feelings for years ago. though, that may be his own fault.

somi could feel mingyu wasn’t feeling up to her shenanigans, though her predictions of why weren’t exactly on point. “did you sleep with her too?”

mingyu shakes his head no and removes her hold from him, turning to face her with a solemn expression.

“no, we didn’t sleep together,” he explains, “but i don’t know why it matters to you whether i did or not.”

the female sighs, “because you like me.” her reasoning made mingyu seethe with frustration, a hand reaches up to his face as he pinches his forehead. sigh escaping from his thin lips, biting them.

“because i like you? are you okay in the head?” at this point mingyu has had enough, he was tired of playing games with somi, always running to her when she called at late hours of the night, intimacy together only when it suits her own personal needs.

he was tired of being treated like a second choice.

“what’s wrong with that reasoning? am i wrong?” somi exclaims with her hands thrown in the air.

“you think that just because i liked you, it gives you reason you use me as you see fit? you think i’m not going to get tired of the way you act? of you?”

somi never would’ve expected those harsh words out of mingyu’s mouth, tired? of somi? there’s no way that’s possible— not to her. she wasn’t half wrong though, deep down mingyu knew he only half heartedly meant what he said. “can you just leave? i don’t want to see your face right now.”

taglist: @mochami-mochi @gyuwoosbabie @minmangyu

#kim mingyu #mingyu #jeon wonwoo #seventeen #wonwoo

[blacklegsanjiii]

Can you imagine if the Vinsmokes gained their emotions back when Sanji saves their lives at WCI, but it kinda hits them all at once, so they become massively attached to Sanji.

21+ years of familial love for their brother smacks them in the face, only for them to find out Sanji has REALLY over protective boyfriends in ASL who monopolize Sanji all the time (this can be the gods au or just regular ASL+S)

Gods can you imagine the guilt? Not only just all that love but the guilt, shame, embarrassment, and horror at what they've done. Reiju just watching them and Ichiji asking her why she never stopped them, how often she helped Sanji after what they did? He needs to know and the answers 'i didn't want the attention ' and 'not enough' rip through his chest like niji's lightning.

Sanji's gone, with his crew and they've only just escaped Big Mom's pirates and her prison and everything so they're not exactly primed for the real world. But without Germa and being free means they need to find their own way. So uhh, they guess first things they'll go find Zeff and thank him? And they do. Zeff and everyone is confused about the apology/thanks combo they're getting. Especially because it revolves around Sanji and Germa. Zeff is ready to kill them all but Patty says they can work for their forgiveness and puts them in the dishpit.

It's good for them, they're working through a lot of things and Zeff keeps making them push back against him verbally. They're...healing, but they need more but at least they're also developing some skills that can help them in their pursuit. Over time, maybe about a year ish later they decide to find Sanji. To go apologize, they won't ask for forgiveness, it's not something they deserve but he needs to their regret, their sorrow, their change. For them to be like him like their mother wanted. Maybe their skin is no longer metal, still extremely durable but they can be bleed.

Following the Strawhats is a challenge and Zeff warned them about it though. He gives them his lot of the Grand Line, a log post, and demands letters. They agree as Reiju stays with Zeff. As they set sail Zeff tells them to not be afraid of Sanji's boyfriends, they'll understand eventually! Which makes Niji ask the hell that means to no response. It takes a few months but they're doing fine. Mostly.

The New World is a bigger challenge than they expected but when they catch up the crew is fighting Marines and it's all an out assault from both sides. Ichiji says they should attack the Marines so they do with their powers and uhhh, is that a guy with three swords coming after them? Oh shit it's that Roronoa Zoro guy! Fuck!

Yonji is trying to calm him down while evading him. Ichiji and Niji are still focusing on actually fighting the Marines who start to retreat and the fire dives down so Luffy snaps onto their ship with a rubbery twang and pure anger and Nami, the hot chick they remember is there on a cloud. Right. Okay. They can do this!

"You broke the agreement so we're going to sink your ship!" Luffy yells at them in warning.

"We want to to apologize to Sanji." Ichiji says evenly.

"I'll see if he even wants to talk to you after what happened." Nami growls as the cloud takes her back. They get a signal to meet at the ship. Not to board, so it's kind of awkward with the height differences between the ships. Luffy and Zoro jump up onto their ship as Luffy slings an arm around Sanji with a cowboy guy who is glaring viciously at them.

"Speak your piece and get the fuck away!" Sanji yells at them.

"Were sorry! We are not owed forgiveness for anything!" Yonji starts.

"That's not an apology." The cowboy says.

"Oh, Sabo's going suuuper to love this." The robot says.

"Ah, do you want us to say? We don't know what you told them and don't want to cause more problems." Ichiji asks.

"Start with the cuffs." Luffy demands.

"Cuffs?" A few voices ask.

"Sorry we let Judge put those on you!" Ichiji says with a wince.

"Sorry for our childhoods!" Niji yells. "And electrocuting you with that plate in your back, especially. And calling you a failure after you got shot."

"Wait-" Zoro tries.

"Sorry about the dungeon?" Yonji tries which flummoxes the rest of the crew except Sanji.

"Oh my God they're going to die." Nami says.

"Zeff says you should write more, he's kind of been doing the whole push back thing he did with you? Reiju's still there." Ichiji says.

"Alright, I'll write to the fucking geezer but if I see any of you before I come back to Baratie I'm not who you have to worry about." Sanji threatens.

"Just one?" Luffy asks.

"Nah, let Sabo deal with them." Cowboy says. "Zeff is more likely to forgive him."

"Doubt that, lets get the fuck outta here, I need to start lunch." Sanji says walking away from the railing. With the crew chattering after him. When the brothers get home a few months later there's a blond guy talking with Reiju and Zeff and smiling politely with another orange haired girl beside him.

"Don't threaten them too much." Zeff warns.

"I would never sully this fine established like that." The blond says with mock offense.

"Don't sully it with blood either." Zeff stresses.

"Of course not! I'll do it elsewhere and no one will know." The blond smiles at the chef. "Bye guys!" He chirps, grabbing a pipe from the floor and leaves with the other girl who mimics slitting her throat at them with a smile as she skips out the door.

#black leg sanji #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #portgas d ace #vinsmoke sanji #revolutionary sabo #cat burglar nami #answers #acesan #sanace #lusan #sanlu #sabosan #asl+s #they all date!sanji

[leandra-winchester]

So. There's been a lot of speculation, and a lot of hot and lukewarm and some honest and valid takes about the new trailer and the potential of what might go down next ep.

I've been thinking thoughts, and I have my own personal stance on the matter. And no, I will not be 'taking criticism', because this is the way I view things in general, and it won't change. So this isn't me opening up a debate about this, this is just me sharing my personal views, which you absolutely can agree or disagree with. (So if your views on cheating are vastly different from mine, don't come at me telling me how wrong I am, I'm not doing that at you either)

That being said, here are my thoughts and beliefs.

Kissing isn't (automatically) cheating. For me, it highly, highly depends on the accompanying circumstances. There are kisses for shits and giggles that are not cheating. There are kisses happening under heavy influence of whatever substance - something that can render you legally not responsible for a lot of things, so how does it make you responsible for a moment's poor choice? There are kisses that are done deliberately with intention and feelings/high physical attraction involved, and THAT is cheating. When we look at the Buck/Lucy kiss, I didn't see it as huge a deal as many of the fandom did. The kiss itself somewhat fell into the second category. But what made it at the very least borderline cheating was the fact that Buck made a secret of it afterwards. Had he said "Look, something happened last night. I was drunk, then Lucy kissed me, and I didn't instantly pull back, but I didn't want to kiss her again or anything. I have no feelings for her whatsoever and I will watch myself in future a whole lot more to notice any signs of flirting, which, in hindsight, there were. I'm sorry." - then I think that's still grounds for a partner to be mad, sad, disappointed, but it's not really full-on cheating. Not in my book, by my definition.

Emotional cheating is much worse than physical cheating Being in love with someone and knowing it, imagining yourself to be with that other person, THAT is much more cheating by my definition than a fleeting kiss. And sometimes, depending on the circumstances, maybe even more than a drunken fumble or one night stand, but that is a very complex question. However, emotional cheating means you're not really in it with your current partner, pining for someone else but settling for what you can have out of convenience, fear of being left behind or some other highly egoistical motivation. That really sucks. (I've seen that take expressed on my dashboard as well, though with slightly different nuance to what I feel and believe, but pretty close)

So, taking these two of my underlying beliefs as the basis, what can I see happen in the next episode that would leave me feel okay with it, or happy about it, and what would make me feel iffy about it?

Let's start with the iffy.

Buck:

If, at any point in their drunken Hangover-movie escapades Buck and Eddie kiss, full on kiss (with maybe a little bit of tongue), and that kicks something lose in Buck, I would utterly hate that. Not that I wouldn't find it plausible that a kiss like that would trigger him realizing romantic feelings for Eddie, but that it happens now.

Someone else made a long post about negative stereotypes about bisexuals, and I agree. This is the promiscuity/bisexuals can't be trusted to be faithful stereotype, and I don't want Buck to ever be seen in that light.

Also, Buck JUST (and that post mentioned that too) convinced Tommy to come with him to the wedding, that he's ready for something... only to emotionally cheat (because it's that aspect for me rather than the kiss itself) on him the very next opportunity?

"But Tommy and Buck aren't in a relationship yet," I heard someone say, and well, yes. But this isn't REAL LIFE. It's writing. Things are crafted in a certain way to form a story, and stories have a purpose. The narrative gave us an arc where Buck seemingly wasn't ready for a relationship with a man yet, where he fucked up and had to fix that, had to take a leap and take some courage to make it work.

Just purely from a narrative standpoint, it would be so inconsistent to reverse that healthy step forward just one episode later.

From what we know about the episode, it also doesn't look like he's breaking up with Tommy in that episode. A lovely, potentially dramatic moment where Buck kisses Tommy in front of everyone as a means of 'coming out' is highly implied/likely. So that would mean him being aware of some feelings towards Eddie and still going through with that. And yeah. No. I'd really, really fucking hate that.

Eddie:

If they kiss at some point and it kicks something loose in Eddie, and he then goes back to Marisol... I'd have much less of a problem with that because it could still be explained and justified with him just being in utter panic about coming out. It would match the catholic guilt arc, and all his previous attempts at conforming to heteronormativity... BUT, if the relationship just continued as is and he'd actively use her as beard that would be shitty, even for poor confused, repressed, closeted Eddie.

The Not Iffy

On with Eddie:

If that kiss brings something to the surface in Eddie and he then breaks up with Marisol one episode later I would not consider that cheating or poor morals or anything of the sort. He wasn't aware of it until that moment, and as soon as he is aware of it and has had a little bit of time to process it, he draws the right consequences from it and breaks off a relationship he's not fully in.

So this would actually be fine to me. This could be the kick starter for a potentially long and complex arc for Eddie to a) come to terms with his sexuality and b) pine for Buck from a distance, because Buck is with Tommy and c) eventually, when the time is right, for Buddie to go canon.

Buck:

The kiss itself wasn't a serious or real kiss. I'd be okay with it, if it was some silly, exaggerated "MWAH" smack of the lips kiss, prompted by someone or something around them - I dunno, maybe one of the women there saying "Aww you're such a cute couple" and they going in for it just for shits and giggles; or Buck gushing about Tommy and what a great kisser he is and Eddie drunkenly, outwardly jokingly saying "Hey, I'm a great kisser too!" and them jokingly leaning in for a smooch, again, for shits and giggles.

Buck afterwards doesn't even remember it because it meant nothing in that moment, and so he's neither seriously physically nor emotionally cheating on Tommy in the slightest.

"But Buck has deep feelings for Eddie. How can he kiss him and not realize them?"

Well, see, Buck has been around Eddie for almost 6 years now and not realized them. They are so, so far past that getting to know and falling in love phase that it makes it a bazillion times more complicated to distinguish those deep platonic feelings from deep romantic feelings (because, what it comes down to in both instances is a deep bond; the bond of love you feel after years of dating isn't that different from a deep platonic bond. Again, Eros vs. Pragma and all that).

But Buck is *in love* with Tommy, he's just entered that exciting, chemically turbulent process of falling in love with someone which, with all the newly formed neural connections and all those hormones overrides anything else that has long since been present and is only now presented with the opportunity to take on a new nuance. Of course he doesn't get it, and he likely won't get it until much, much later, when he's falling out of love with Tommy again for whatever reason, or they break up amicably for whatever reason.

And THIS again is something that could easily go into the iffy, because I would really fucking HATE the implication that Buck needs to break up with Tommy to be with his One True Love. I don't want this to be a difficult and painful choice.

IF (when) Buddie goes canon, I want them both to be ready and free for it and not accidentally pushed towards it, or struggle with a guilty conscience for it, or hurt someone else about it. (Marisol wouldn't count in that context as Eddie would have broken up with her months ago and gone on his own long self-discovery trip).

So yes, even if for slightly different reasons, and even if my views on what constitutes 'cheating' may differ from a lot of yours, I agree that any actual MUTUAL feelings realization right now, under these external circumstances, would totally tarnish the beginning of the Buddie relationship.

Which also makes me hopeful it won't happen in such a way. Up until now, the writing has been extremely solid, and Buck's coming out arc has been done with so much care. I doubt they'd do something that ruins it. (But I'm not 100% sure of it either).

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 spoilers #this is not an invitation for debate #respectfual nuanced exchange and dialog #yes #but don't lecture me on my morals #I'm very solid and confident in them

[mindshelter]

speaking as someone who wasn't part of the DC fanbase in the 2000s by virtue of being a small child, can you. fucking imagine. what it was like to be a fan of tim and kon back then. nothing huge, they'd be cute together now that they've grown out of their past antagonism and are now the best! of friends! who support each other -- tim assures kon of his own humanity, refers to kon as family. kon, in turn, helps tim shoulder the grief of losing jack and is notably territorial over tim's status as robin. aw, that's sweet--

and then kon fucking dies, as one does. crosses the wrong rainbow bridge. body's going cold by the time tim reaches him. they were his colours.

and then, for the next few years, you're periodically hit with the most deranged content possible. what happens next far, far exceeds whatever inhinged nonsense DC's own timkon fans could have come up with. tim is pretending to be coping well, and a full year later, he is in fact coping so well that he's trying clone or ressurrect kon through any means possible. this brings him (and the titans) in direct opposition against the brotherhood of evil, whose leadership consists of, wait for it, a gay gorilla and his gay lover, a gay brain in a jar. their gay evil goal is to give the brain in a jar a new body so they can live happily ever after. tim is quietly devastated when their attempt at cloning Brain said new body fails. their final appearance in that issue has the Brain quote nietzsche: "there is always some madness in love. but there is also always some reason in madness."

seven (7) pages later, tim's ninety-fifth attempt at remaking kon fails. he starts destroying his lab equipment in a fit of rage. cassie exclaims that even if tim did succeed, it wouldn't really be conner, to which tim says, he'd be close enough. we could make him close enough.

hey tim what the fuck is wrong with you (don't answer that)

absolutely nobody at all, zero people:

DC: this disembodied brain and his boyfriend, a french gorilla named monsieur mallah, mirrors tim's struggle to live without his beloved friend and show tim the futility of trying to bring him back to life

it. it just keeps. just keeps going. no time to catch your breath. my best friend died. i couldn't accept it, tim says melodramatically, a single manly tear rolling down his cheek. i couldn't lose you too. i know it wouldn't have been you, conner, but it would have been something.

and it keeps going. bleeding out. will i see conner? hope so, tim thinks, because his priorities are in order. the rooftop hug. why so happy? let me guess. sale on leather?

if you need me, just yell. i'll hear you. i know you will, conner. and thanks. for what? for believing in me.

elsewhere, a sentient plant makes kon hallucinate his greatest fears and they are, get this,

1. tim not liking him (agh!)

2. tim hating him (agh!)

3. tim dying (agh!)

we haven't even reached you'll always be my robin. you'll always be my clone boy. that's the gratuitous, almost vestigial cherry in top at this point.

... like. imagine being a DC fan pre-infinite crisis and thinking robin and superboy were pretty cute, and had great chemistry, not expecting anything too crazy. and then spending the next five to six years getting repeatedly kicked in the face. i just know those livejournal forums were popping back when adventure comics #3 (2009) dropped

#I dont think enough people know that timkon was compared in canon to a villanous gay couple #that's a real thing that happened how did they come up with this shit #got slightly overshadowed by the lab tantrum in the same issue lmao #dc #timkon #for all the weirdo behaviour both of them lapse into around each other they are delightfully healthy when things are going well lol #this isnt even all of it. Not even Close #comic blogging

[autistic-katara]

writing would fix me

#i just need to figure out how to do that #i have ideas but idk how to make them actually into fics #and one of them is one of those “how would they act in this situation” things except it did happen in canon just off screen #(nico coming out to hazel) #bcz idk normally i’d just look for fics of that happening but i’ve read fics and they feel so ooc #like u gotta find the right balance between “nice person who cares abt her brother and wouldn’t discriminate” #and “someone who went to catholic school in the 30s and 40s” #bcz i love hazel and she’d never call him a slur and say he’s going to hell or smthn #but like internal biases are a real thing and chances are he’s the first openly gay person she’s talked to #so like i gotta figure out how she’d react #and then i gotta consider what circumstance this is happening #like is this an “i wanna tell my sister i have a boyfriend” thing or just an “i wanna tell my sister im gay” or even the more angsty #“my sister said some shit and i accidentally blurted that im gay” or smthn like that #and yk how long am i gonna make it who else is gonna be in it god this is so complicated #writing #pjo #ryan shut the fuck up

[sleevebuscemii]

tmi

#a friend is coming back from a solo kayaking trip in patagonia today and i feel like such a shitty person for this but i just. #really dont feel like im in the mental space to hear about it. #and partly its because where im at mentally and personally right now just makes it hard for me to be happy for others #or at least for it to not open up doors that bog me down badly and thats on Me like thats totally my own shit #and even if i know hearing about their trip will be hard its an asshole move to approach them with #‘im not in the mental space to hear you share something you’re really excited about with me’ #on the other hand. #i know the real reason its gonna suck so bad is that with This particular friend this trip just gonna be another thing they did first. #and in a perfect world it shouldn’t matter who the fuck did the thing first but in this relationship and in this dynamic it always has #and so i Know that yeah im mentally in a place where taking in other people’s good news is hard #but also im just dreading having to hear every detail of how this trip is something i will never measure up to #every detail of things i would have to do bigger and better for it to matter and like. idk i fucking hate thinking about this #because it always makes me feel so small and bitter and they’re such ugly feelings #but also i know this dynamic isn’t like this because of me but i also know nothing i’ve ever done to try to change it has worked #and it’s like. i just have so much anxiety around this conversation that hasn’t even happened yet #and it’s because i know it’s gonna open up all this shit with it #m

[homophyte]

it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?

#myposts #this is long and honestly probably Nothing #i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it #and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here #but i do think theres something to the idea that like #as ive seen said #yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized' #i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to #but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me. #but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse #before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it #ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago #and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think #which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged #so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community #for our safety. #now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe! #cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel #again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think #basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility #coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky #--discourses in the current moment #last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*

[trollbreak]

SITS HERE

#been slowly swinging a pendulum between bill and beastly all day #and um. sits on the floor. bill is able to read folks as well as junie she just. doesn’t really know what to do #with that. sees how Ethann and Beastly are and is like. hm. I’m. not fond of the way you grew up. but one of you treats the topic as a live #explosive and the other can’t seem to conceptualize how anything was wrong. she’s like. that’s not right. but the fuck could I do abt it. #she’s just lingering in a room with Ethann while the both of them work on deparate things in silence. they’re very close because of the. the #‘shows trust by being nearby and letting themself not pay attention to u’ #like the. the making a point to go hey. you’re not a threat to me. and im available if needed. #bill talks to herself while she works sometimes and when she does Ethann comes over to watch. do u fucking KNOW how Ethann is slowly learnin #abt ships and upkeep from this… bill helping him wash grease out of their fur at the end of the night…. beastly doesn’t live with bill ofc #but he’s a regular visitor and bill makes sure to let him know he’s always welcome… sometimes when he’s feeling particularly unmoored her #house is one of the places he goes to find a room to sit in silence for a few hours. maybe nap till things feel a little more real again. #SIGHS ALL BIG #bill 🤝 junie. shes Ur dad #junie is happy for him to be ur mom #bill never signed up for this shit and is sitting there staring into her coffee going hm. wel shit when did that happen. like she’s Gonna be #a helpful figure but she’s also like. when did that happen?

[butwhatifidothis]

I can't even begin to wrap my mind around the fact that they intentionally made Claude OOC. Like why, under any circumstance, would any developer or writer want to do that to their game? How would that in any way shape or form benefit the game to do that? Can they not hear themselves? Even fanfiction writers get flack for writing characters OOC but then you turn to THE SOURCE and they come out and say that they intentionally wrote a character wrong for the lolz?

The full context of that can be found here (near the end), but to sum it up: they basically did it to showcase what the characters would be like without Byleth/Garreg Mach. In essence, it’s them saying that “they only look out of character, but that’s just because it’s a different environment! they’re totally the same!” To quote them:

"In this game, because of the Officer’s Academy was suspended soon, the students have been taken away the time to bond with allies and the opportunity to understand each other across different houses. That fact had impact on how a lot of the students form their personalities, and thus changed the content of support conversations. If you feel “Huh? I don’t remember this character having this kind of personality…” at some point, that’s exactly the difference caused by the situation of this game."

Which... kind of speaks to their mindset regarding the characters of 3H, and I don't mean to say that in a good way. They basically see some characters COUGHCLAUDECOUGH as having such weak and malleable foundations and personalities that they would completely and utterly change the second the devs' favorite child/monastery is taken out of the picture. They even say it themselves - they MEANT to change the characters' characters, because in their mind (at least, if we take this as being their genuine intention) these characters would genuinely be nothing like they are in 3H were it not for specifically and only Byleth/Garreg Mach.

So, for example: Claude. His curiosity which brought him over to Fodlan in the first place? Byleth and Garreg Mach. His want to know the truth about his surroundings and to broaden his perspective regarding the world around him, which were also partly why he came to Fodlan? Byleth and Garreg Mach. His unwillingness to work with Edelgard, even when Byleth sides with her on CF and thus tacitly approves of her actions and even with Claude distrusting the Church and even with Claude supposedly being an amoral opportunist who sides with whoever looks like the winner? Byleth and Garreg Mach. Hopes and its creators say that without Byleth and Garreg Mach Claude would have never had the traits that he is shown to have before he ever met Byleth or set foot in Garreg Mach. Or are otherwise completely unaffected by Byleth or Garreg Mach. 

To say nothing of the fact that that quote I took from the interview is directly contradicted by... Hopes. By the characters constantly whinin' and cryin' and shiddin' and snottin' about having to fight their classmates - so much for them not bonding with those from different houses, because they literally never act like it. Hell, the one time I can think of where that ever happens is during a specific interaction in SB, on its bad end where Claude betrays the Empire. If you have Ignatz fight Claude, he’ll go on about their time as “fellow Golden Deer” and asks Claude why he’s doing this, to which Claude kinda reasonably responds “Were Golden Deer. Now you’re just another one of Count Gloucester’s lousy knights.” Which, you know, makes sense that Claude’s response is so “cold” considering that Claude has known Ignatz in this timeline as a “fellow Golden Deer” for, like a month? Max? A time in which they literally can’t even have supports with each other even on GW, so they were literally disallowed to grow close to each other in any way during that time? But Claude is portrayed as the asshole in the situation because he did not value his time with the Golden Deer in Garreg Mach. Y’know, that thing in this game that the devs are insisting 

LITERALLY DIDN’T EXIST.

It’s such a blatant case of wanting their cake and eating it too. They wanna say that these personality changes happened because “No Byleth, no Garreg Mach,” meanwhile the characters are unrelenting in their boo-hoo’s about fighting people trying to kill them because they were around said people in Garreg Mach for A MONTH MAX. These personality changes are because they’re just so much worse without Byleth around to guide them or their experiences in Garreg Mach, meanwhile Claude is the only main character (and one of the few characters period) to have his character have such a drastic change be as negative as it is - Dimitri and Edelgard are inarguably better off without Byleth, as Dimitri has a support system that’s actually allowed to interact with him in a meaningful way and Edelgard is described by the devs of Hopes to be happy in this game with everything going well for her (essentially, “We didn’t wanna step on 3H’s toes, also fuck CF in its entirety lol SB is way better for Edelgard”). But “No Byleth/Garreg Mach” is supposed to be a bad thing, but only for specifically Claude evidently, despite him being the most independent from Byleth character wise of the three lords. 

And. Like. A bit of a tangent but. You don’t really want your audience to feel that a character’s personality has ever changed, per se. You more want them to feel as though it’s gone through development in some way, not that it’s outright different unless something extreme happened to them. Like, extreme extreme. Take Dimitri, in 3H: he goes from polite if snarky and dry-humored to becoming far more prone to violence and being very distant from others between pre-timeskip and post-timeskip. But 1) that’s something that’s directly a result of his experiences throughout the story, and can be seen as something that is building up to what it becomes as one goes through the story - it’s not just springed on the player out of nowhere, it makes sense as to why Dimitri is acting differently from Point A to Point B. And 2) in both moments in his character arc, he never hurts innocents, he still recognizes people like Dedue as being deeply important to him, he rarely genuinely forces people to do what he wants more than he does nothing to stop others from following his reckless and dangerous tendencies, he’s actually still compassionate to some degree (noted here to still retain some empathy) - these core things stay the same, even if the character is acting radically different. And because of that, you can understand how he can recover, because he never lost those core traits that made him good. 

Very different from Claude in Hopes, who loses many of the things that make him redeemable despite his faults - his avoiding violence unless necessary, his curiosity, his drive for the truth, a lot of his compassion, his intellect, etc. - in favor of Something Different (aka him acting like Edelgard). Some of those traits (namely his curiosity and drive for the truth) are just never to be seen at any point in Hopes, and other traits (namely his intellect) are discarded whenever the plot needs them to be gone more than there’s a genuine attempt to develop them out of him. Claude really encompasses that difference between “this character developed into being different because of the events of the story and how they affect them” and “this character was changed into being different because them needed to Be Different Than Before.” And because he doesn’t retain those good traits that made him redeemable, his actions come across as far more damning - he has nothing within his character that could reasonably lift him from the rock bottom his actions sink him to, unlike 3H!Dimitri. It’s sad when Dimitri is unable to recover in non-AM routes, because we know that he still has it in him to become better; it’s annoying and off-putting when Clyde is able to walk off what he does in GW/SB (the latter only potentially, to be clear), because there’s nothing that shows he can better himself from what he’s done. 

And, like. You can tell that these writers kind of had no idea what the hell they were doing when making Hopes? Because they say that things are “unsatisfactory” so that 3H wouldn’t be stepped on, meanwhile they do shit like what I mentioned earlier with Edelgard where she’s literally happier in SB than she ever was on CF (with her happiness being something the devs literally said they intended to do). Claude’s tale is supposed to be heartwarming, as his character is torn to shreds and he does things that completely go against everything he’s ever stood for. The war’s not supposed to ever be concluded in Hopes, meanwhile Dimitri literally does end the war on AG’s good end (even with how much Hopes tries to gaslight the player into believing otherwise - sorry game, there’s literally no one else to fight so yes the war is in fact over). Like fuckin’ hell if you told me that each sentence in this game was written by a different person I wouldn’t immediately disbelieve you with how completely nonsensical the story is to the supposed intention of the devs, it’s just so fuckin’ bad

#ask #anon #Fire Emblem Warriors Three Hopes spoilers #Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes spoilers #focusing on Claude yet again because he remains the character The Most Fucked by this game characterization wise #truly he's a masterclass of: #''just because you changed something doesn't mean something would actually come of that change'' #Hopes!Claude and 3H!Claude are literally two entirely different characters. straight up #Hopes!Claude would have sided with Edelgard on CF and would have killed Rhea. #Because in 3H Hopes!Claude would have ACTUAL FOUNDATIONS in his hatred of Rhea. so his want to kill her wouldn't budge at all #(''actual foundations'' = the things that make Rhea a red herring in WC. She'd be doing things that actually warrant suspicion) #He'd never tell Dimitri where Rhea was being held because he'd think Rhea being disposed of would've ''freed'' Dimitri. #*in AM #and he's not curious so he wouldn't give a shit about finding out her truths. truths which he also wouldn't give a shit about #so even on VW he'd never stop trying to kill Rhea because HE WOULD NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT SHE'D HAVE TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING #He'd give a passing glance to Byleth's secrets just like he gave a passing glance to Shez's #Incurious Clyde would never try to find out the truth of what happened to Byleth or of their powers - y'know THE POINT OF VW #I don't blame renisfan for phrasing it the way they did even tho they've apologized for how they did #because it just kinda strips down the real meat of the issue: they meant to write Claude as being OOC #They knew that the way they wrote him doesn't fit his character so they hide behind the No Byleth/Garreg Mach excuse #which FUCKING. IS ACTUALLY THE DAMN CASE FOR MOST OF THE CHARACTERS. #I can completely believe that 3H!Dimitri would act like Hopes!Dimitri where it not for what he went through in Garreg Mach! #these two versions of him are completely in line with each other because Dimitri's core character hasn't been tampered with at all #which just is not the case with Claude #and that problem oozes throughout the game because for most of the time Claude - A MAIN CHARACTER - is on screen he's acting wildly OOC #sorry if i went all over the place but maaaaaan this is just rattlin' my bones lmao #clyde discourse

[okcoolthanks]

Two rats having lunch

Two rats having lunch

The vermin

The vermin

Enthusiastically munch!

TWO RATS

ON THE GROUND

EATIN FOOD

GRILLED CHEESE AND

TOMATO SOUP

#i almost want to make a cover b/c two trucks sounds really funky but I physically can’t put my brain through that #I just don’t like sex songs and shit #unrelated sorta but I watched Rocky horror picture show around Halloween and I dissasosiated so much that I barely remember what happened #the rest of the night #the whole of that day sucked too because that was when I was left outside for three hours at a dance that I only went too because my mom #wasn’t home so she couldn’t drop me off for the sleepover after and I thought it would be fun to show up as a surprise because I didn’t #think I’d be able to before! #but they forgot about me and I was crying outside in late October and everyone forgot abt me #even the teacher that came over to check on me. she said that she’d come back in a few mins and I said that was ok but she didn’t #I never blasted Spirit Phone into my ears as loud as I did that day #anyways that should’ve been another post in of itself sorry lmao #still mad about it even though I know it’s my fault I’m upset and they weren’t really at fault #I kinda fucked the friendship because I was very emotional and I haven’t had friends in YEARS so I didn’t know how arguments work? #and the only time I had real arguments was with my dad and that usually felt like a ‘you have to survive this make yourself right so he’ll #leave’ kinda thing #yay love trauma dumping good night guys

[frogmascquerade]

.

#uh oh! pjo tv series opinions incominf #ive only seen up to ep 4 so far #but its interesting! theyre making a lot of character choices that i really love #grover underwood <3 my boy #his frienship w percy feels solid and real #annabeth!!! oml. and her devotion to athena and the way that relationship becomes more and more complicated as time goes on! chefs kiss #my only thing is that #and maybe this is bc ive read the books and i generally know the story #but its sort of boring???????? not like its bad necessarily or poorly done exactllyyyy #but theres a lot of scenes of them just sort of straight up explaining whats happening or the plot or how the gods feel #which to be fair. that also happens in the book and is kind of exactly how percy learns all the shit #so it feels a little tell > show atm #but its also a lot of worldbuilding info to get thru and possibly introduce the basics of greek mythology to new people #so obviously thats a lot #i wonder if ill feel the same after this first season finishes and if they will allow for more #time to focus on the encounters the kids have #cause i know who is coming up soon and im excited to see that #and i thought they did the medusa arc so well like oof wow!

[pepprs]

prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!

#purrs #just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to #learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels #and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t #mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about #sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to #get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if #anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count’ and i haven’t #even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself #questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also #means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me #but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to #interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up #every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you #should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt #and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts. #delete later #like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️ #and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖