#but also im just dreading having to hear every detail of how this trip is something i will never measure up to

[sleevebuscemii]

tmi

#a friend is coming back from a solo kayaking trip in patagonia today and i feel like such a shitty person for this but i just. #really dont feel like im in the mental space to hear about it. #and partly its because where im at mentally and personally right now just makes it hard for me to be happy for others #or at least for it to not open up doors that bog me down badly and thats on Me like thats totally my own shit #and even if i know hearing about their trip will be hard its an asshole move to approach them with #‘im not in the mental space to hear you share something you’re really excited about with me’ #on the other hand. #i know the real reason its gonna suck so bad is that with This particular friend this trip just gonna be another thing they did first. #and in a perfect world it shouldn’t matter who the fuck did the thing first but in this relationship and in this dynamic it always has #and so i Know that yeah im mentally in a place where taking in other people’s good news is hard #but also im just dreading having to hear every detail of how this trip is something i will never measure up to #every detail of things i would have to do bigger and better for it to matter and like. idk i fucking hate thinking about this #because it always makes me feel so small and bitter and they’re such ugly feelings #but also i know this dynamic isn’t like this because of me but i also know nothing i’ve ever done to try to change it has worked #and it’s like. i just have so much anxiety around this conversation that hasn’t even happened yet #and it’s because i know it’s gonna open up all this shit with it #m

[redrose-arrow]

Duncan x Halt anon here!!! this is one of the last coherent hcs i have about these two (the rest are kinda random, just cute little things I think would apply to this ship) ANYWAY IM HAVINF THE TIME OF MY LIFE LETS GOOOO

OKAY SO CAITLYN’S DEATH. I’m imagining this is set sometime after the Early Years series, before Halt takes on Gilan as an apprentice; anyway, Duncan gets a letter one day from Clonmel and he opens it to see that it’s an invitation to the funeral of the Hibernian princess Caitlyn O’Carrick—it’s protocol that whenever someone Royal/generally important dies, a letter is sent to all kingdoms who are on good terms with the deceased/kingdom of the deceased informing them of the death (along with an invite to the funeral). This was only put in place because it’s not great fun to show up at a ball or party and be like “Hey how is [blank] doing?” only to have [blank]’s mother burst into tears and run out of the ballroom—kinda puts a damper on the evening (Duncan has learned this the hard way. He’s not keen on repeating that mistake, so he makes sure to read through all his mail carefully)

So he gets this letter, goes “Clonmel? funny, that’s where Halt is from” and puts it aside for a second to continue rifling through his mail. Then the lightbulb goes off on his head and he‘s like “WAIT, THAT’S WHERE HALT IS FROM” and dives for the invitation. There’s more information regarding the place it’ll be held (a private funeral service in Dun Kilty, which will then be opened to the public so they can pay their respects) and other details like what time, the dress code, etc etc, but all Duncan can think right now is: Caitlyn O’Carrick is gone. Halt’s sister is dead.

Then another thought: does Halt know?

Duncan is pretty sure he doesn’t—Halt doesn’t keep in touch with anyone from his past, not that there were many people he’d want to keep in touch with anyway. But Caitlyn was important to him, the one person who’d actually given a damn about him, and Duncan realizes with a growing sense of dread that he’s gonna have to tell Halt about her passing. Reluctantly he sends a messenger boy to fetch the Ranger (“not extremely urgent, but I’d like to see him by the end of the day”) and excuses himself to his chambers. Halt rolls in sometime around mid-afternoon with a “you wanted to see me?” Duncan, letter in hand, pit in his stomach, tells him to sit. “If this is about the seal that I allegedly carry in my bag,” Halt says as he sits, “then you should know that Crowley is a lying bastard who couldn’t tell a horse from a boat. I don’t know how he manages to hit what he’s aiming at with that eyesight, but—“ he cuts off when Duncan holds the letter out to him. He raises an eyebrow, meeting Duncan’s grim gaze. Without another word he takes the letter, unfolds it, and reads.

There’s no visible change in Halt’s expression; he’s stoic as always, but Duncan knows him now, sees the way his fingers tighten on the paper, knows by the way he stills that his mind is struggling to process the information he’s been given. Neither man speaks until Duncan breaks the heavy silence: “The funeral is in a week’s time. I’ve already written and sent a letter confirming my attendance at the service.” No reaction from Halt, so Duncan takes a breath and says, “I think you should come with me.” He goes on for a little about how he can station Crowley at Redmont in Halt’s absence, how he’ll explain Halt’s seemingly unnecessary company for the trip, precautions they can take so nobody recognizes his similarities to the King Ferris; then he trails off when he realizes that Halt’s not really listening, just staring blankly at the unassuming letter that brought his entire world to a screeching halt. Duncan walks over and rests a hand on the man’s shoulder: “If you decide to come with,” he says quietly, “I’ll be ready and waiting by the front gate at dawn.” He spares one last glance at Halt’s frozen expression, gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze and walks out. When Duncan returns an hour later, Halt is gone, and the letter is resting on the chair where he’d sat.

Three days later and Duncan’s ready and waiting, sitting on his horse with a pack pony shuffling impatiently behind them. It looks like Halt isn’t coming and he’s about to leave when he hears the familiar clop-clop of a Ranger horse, just as Halt rides into view on Abelard. He slows to a stop, and if the shadows under his eyes are a little darker than usual then Duncan doesn’t mention it. The two of them share a look; finally Duncan inclines his head, turns to whisper a few instructions to his chamberlain, and takes off, Halt following closely behind.

The funeral is nice enough; Duncan attends the private service, leaving Halt alone in their shared guest room, and later in the evening Halt slips away to watch the public service from the shadows. When he leaves, there’s a brightly coloured wildflower in his hand that’s gone when he returns. Duncan doesn’t ask. (He doesn’t say all that much, actually; the sight of the grave next to Caitlyn’s, a polished gray slab with intricate patterns and a marking etched into the stone that reads ‘HALT O’CARRICK, CROWN PRINCE’ has him feeling ill for the rest of the trip.)

I’m still not 100% decided on the details—I’d like to think that Duncan wanders around the castle a little bit, stopping to stare at the portraits of the O’Carrick family hanging from the walls and trying not to do a double-take every time he sees and/or hears Ferris talk. And how would Halt react to seeing Ferris again? I am ALSO not sure about this but in general I think it would just be a lot of Halt grieving quietly with Duncan standing by him in a silent show of support. (after all, it’s not like anyone else can be there—nobody else can know that Halt’s sister has died, and even if he did tell anyone the abridged version without the gruesome details, they wouldn’t fully understand how much she meant to him. Duncan doesn’t say “I’m sorry for your loss”, because he knows Halt well enough to know that the man despises empty platitudes. So he just...stays with him, and watches over him, and reminds him that he’s not alone.)

if I hadn’t already shipped Halt and Duncan because of your previous headcanon, I would now. It is absolute b e a u t i f u l.

I love Duncan’s conflicted emotions, Halt’s silenced anger - Halt’s supposed gravestone?? I never even thought of that but it’s an amazing detail. The dialogue is spot on, too.

You too, anon, THANK YOU for dropping this in my inbox. I TOO AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE

#again: what can i add to this? #it’s so so good #and already reads like a fanfic #i’m loving it #rangers apprentice #ranger's apprentice #halt o’carrick #duncan #ask redrose #ask redrosearrow

[sourbat]

“do you want me to give you advice or do you just want me to listen?” magtok or ship if your choice

This got a little self-indulgent. 

and yes, it’s magtok

After their shared meeting, the psychiatrist requested that Toki leave, and Magnus stay behind for a little while longer. Neither had any reason to believe the news was bad, but when Magnus does leave the small office some five minutes later, looking a little worse for wear, Toki assumes some misgiving had occurred. Bad news? Failure to meet certain goal posts?  An increase in dosage?

After a few handshakes, the required talks with the nurse scheduling the next appointment, it’s a quiet ride down the elevator, with Magnus reading the overview of his meeting in absolute silence. Toki clicks his tongue against his teeth, testing the tone and Magnus’ overall mood. The older man never voices a single complaint the ride down, and continues keeping to himself the walk to the car.

Toki refuses for the ride home to be silent, and immediately snuffs any chance of Magnus spending the next several minutes driving and moping in silence. The keys go into the ignition, and Toki stops him and asks if there is anything he can do to help Magnus. He makes sure not to guess the source of the problem, point a finger or ask any additional questions.

The question hangs above their heads. Toki waits for Magnus’ response, mentally preparing himself for the worse, only to have Magnus drop the keys he had readied for the ignition, and quietly announces that his psychiatrist wants him to consider dropping the mood suppressants.

“She wants you off the suppresscants?” Toki says aloud, taking in the news one word at a time. He falls into the passenger seat, eyes agape and staring out towards the parking lot.

“Yeah.” Magnus squeezes the keys in his hand. “Since my dosage is already so low, she wants me to–”    

“Oh, Magnus, this ams such great news!” Toki reaches over to Magnus’ side, pulling him into an awkward, but loving embrace. He rubs his face against a tuft of brown waves, smiling at the tickle.

Toki waited for this day. Magnus worked so hard trying to get better. They’d been to so many sessions. Even on the best of days, Toki knows Magnus didn’t look forward to the trips. He could be in a good mood going in, but the sessions always prove to be stressful, cathartic to the point of it being emotionally overwhelming at times. It isn’t easy.

Manus wriggles underneath him. “You’re really excited about this?”

“Yeps!” Toki happily announces. “You gets to get offs another medicines!”

Satisfied, Toki relinquishes his hold on Magnus and drops back to his seat, but not before picking up the stapled, folded sheets detailing the information of their recent visit. He flips through the pages, stopping at the second to the last where he reads the summary and doctor’s suggestion. There it is, clear as day. The good news. Drop the suppressants to see if Magnus can rely solely on learned techniques and his own hindsight to keep himself in check. It’s real. This is real. It has been such a long time coming, but it’s finally here.

And isn't this one of the pills Magnus couldn’t mix with alcohol? Toki’s eyes glisten with excitement and possibilities. He thinks of the new and old activities he can reintroduce to Magnus, once he is clear, cleansed of this old prescription and off the blasted pills. They can go out and drink more, and Magnus can get drunk again! Maybe Magnus can take other things, too, and Toki wouldn’t have to worry about it getting in the way of decision making, Magnus making rash decisions, or Magnus going from one extreme to the-

Toki notices how quiet it’s gotten, and when he turns and checks on Magnus, sees that he is still fiddling with the keys. His eyes shift between the collective sheets in Toki’s hands, and the many keys and chains he entangles with his busy hands.

“Ims there something wrongs?” Toki asks, not quite catching on to Magnus’ silence. 

A frown. “Nothing,” he answers, still eyeing the keys. “Just…didn’t think you’d get so excited.”

Toki folds the sheets messily on top one another. “You ams getting off the medicaskons. Beens a long times since that happens.”

It’s been over a year since dropping another medication. Toki remembers it clear as day. Like now, Toki had been just as excited, but so had Magnus. They’d both been so relieved to know there was one less thing holding Magnus together.

Why isn’t Magnus happy right now?

Toki’s hand crushes the sheets. “Magnus?”

Magnus grips the wheel. “Toki, I don’t think I–”

The leather groans under his hold. Toki grits his teeth against the sound. A nasty weight piles in his stomach the second Magnus tears away from the window to meet him.

His stare lets Toki know it’s dread.

“I don’t think I want to get off the suppressants,” Magnus announces, voice unwavering, but it’s clear he’s upset. Toki can hear the sharp cadence, the hidden snap that was already gathering on the defense.  “I… don’t want to stop taking them.”

Toki’s silent. He stares at Magnus, watches his expression turn from nervous to dejected at what Toki assumes is his own disappointed expression. Toki can feel it reach into every fiber of his being. The shock. The sudden turn of events. He must look so surprised, he thinks, but can’t bring himself to check in the mirror. He can’t even get himself to look away from Magnus who keeps eyeing him, waiting for a change, a smile, a supportive line. Anything.

Toki’s head fills with questions. He tries reaching for one, the most obvious “but why nots,” but as he parts his lips, Magnus jerks in seat.

“Like, I know you’re really excited” he says, voice picking up volume and a distinct uncontrolled shakiness. Magnus smiles when he says it, too, though Toki can detect its inauthenticity the second Magnus tries offering it to him. “I was, too. But then she kept talking about the cleansing period, and the initial swings, and I don’t know, man.”

Magnus hands leave the wheel and start swinging, moving with frantic words and expressions that carve deep into Toki. He sees Magnus shake, go pale as he fights to defend a decision Toki cannot comprehend. The fake smile leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

“I know it’s been a while, and I know I see it all through black and white, but I don’t want to say or do anything like I remember,” Magnus says through the silent strain. Toki blinks, witnessing past acts of blind or misdirected rage. He sees Magnus hiding under the covers for days, only leaving to use the restroom or rehydrate. He watches Magnus right now, shaking his head at himself, disbelieving his own strength. “I don’t want to snap at people. I don’t want to feel like I’m choking on my own thoughts.”

There’s anger sitting at the edge of every word. Toki hears it lingering, feels its weight settle around him, but never aimed directly at him.

Magnus coughs false laughter. “Am I overreacting? You think I’m overreacting, don’t you?” He points a finger at himself.  “I’m doing it again, aren’t I? I’m being stupid, making this more than what it has to be…”

He falls into his seat, hands dragging across his face. Fingers get caught in his hair, curl and writhe and purposely get tangled. Toki stops it with a hand resting on top of Magnus' leg. The simple gesture is enough for Magnus to fix himself up, though avoids looking in Toki’s direction until he’s able to tolerate his own reflection in the rearview. 

“I’m over-fucking-thinking it, again.” He sighs. Toki squeezes Magnus’ thigh, calling for his attention. It takes a few seconds for Magnus to relax, for shoulder ease into place and frown shift into a defeated grin, before he finally secedes. He stares solemnly at Toki. “I need to stop doing that. I really should’ve just asked you from the start, huh?”

The hand shifts from the thigh to Magnus’ hand. 

Toki peers close. “Do you wants me to gives you advice or does you just wants me to listen?” 

There’s a pin that burrows into his chest when he utters it, because he knows it’s far from what he wants to tell Magnus. But it’s what the man needs to hear, and once it's out there, Toki sees Magnus’ chest heave, and eyes go dark before being covered with his sleeve.

“…I don’t want to be angry all the time,” Magnus confesses. The answer doesn’t immediately surprise Toki, but the fear riddled in Magnus’ eyes, the dread in his voice keeps Toki alert and listening. “I don’t want to feel like I need to look over my shoulder. I don’t want to hurt you. I know you think I won’t, but I can’t shake this feeling I’ll do something awful if I don’t keep myself in check. I know you trust me, but I don’t know if I’m quite there yet, with you. You trust me, but… I’ve done it to you on meds, and now she wants me off of them? What if say something I can’t take back?” 

The pin pushes further inward. It hurts because all Toki can hear is how much Magnus thinks about him, how considerate he’s trying to be. It’s so sweet. How nice of him, but he was being so mean to himself in the process. That also hurt, because Toki knows Magnus is better than he thinks. He’s stronger than he gives himself credit for. And it hurts the most because it means the day hasn’t yet arrived, and Toki is going to have to wait a little longer for it to come.

“Okays.”

“What?” 

Toki pulls in his lips, fighting past a sigh as he fishes for the right words. They come sooner than predicted, and with them, a gentle warmth. Acceptance. “If you don’t think you ams ready, then you ams not ready. I trusts you. And when you ams, we can celebrates then, okays?”

There’s a smile near the end, and when it forms, the pain lessens. Toki feels it spread across his face, and with it the sense that he still needs to reel Magnus back to him. 

He goes for the shoulder. “You okays?”

A despondent frown. “You’re not upset?”

There’s no point in lying to Magnus, not after being so blatantly disappointed after hearing the news. He can handle the truth, Toki thinks, and the more he dwells on it, the more Toki realizes it’s better they both hear.

“I knows I was exciteds about you drinkins and havins fun with me, but we does that anyways,” Toki starts cautiously, and watches as Magnus gives a short, but confirming nod. He tucks his hands between his legs. “And you said you don’t trusts yourskelves, so…Toki will just have to works on that. Helps out my bestest friend believes in himself more.”

He looks up hopefully at Magnus. Toki unbuckles his seatbelt, leaves his seat and takes Magnus into an embrace.

“This ams your therapy,” he says, and feels Magnus’ arms fold around him. “You gets to decides when you ams ready, not me.”

Magnus shuts his eyes. A sharp intake of breath. “Thank you.”

The words hit just right, because once Toki hears it, the pain starts to vanish. They remain that way for some time, with Magnus selfishly pulling Toki as close as their limited space will allow, and Toki listening in on the occasional sniff, the skip of a rapid heartbeat desperately working to convince itself this wasn’t a failure, but something else.

Eventually, the discomfort of his potion forces Toki to part with Magnus sooner than preferred. He catches a relieved sigh once he does, but notices Magnus wiping his face once he does return to his seat. The man hasn’t quite recovered yet.

Toki spots the keys resting between Magnus’ legs. He swallows.

“Wants me to drive?”

Eyes still closed, Magnus stubbornly shakes his head. “You hate driving.”

Toki openly challenges the remark with a slight drop of his voice. “Do you wants me to drive us homes?” 

The steering wheel groans, and Magnus’s head sinks against the growing silence. 

Eyes open, and tears fall. “Yeah…”

Smiling, Toki reaches for the keys.

#wxcked-fc #thank you #fic ask thing #magtok #hammertooth

[bubbleblower]

Minor Details Ch 8/?

AN: Sorry for the delay in this chapter. I promise I haven't abandoned this. LIFE just happened too much for me to get much writing done.

Ao3 Ch1 Ch2 Ch3 Ch4 Ch5 Ch6 Ch7 Next

Friday dawned bright and warm. Alya could feel it in the bags under her eyes, the fatigue in her limbs, and the frazzled certanity of her thoughts as she looked at the breadth of her notes on Ladybug and Chat Noir strewn across her desk.

Learning that Marinette was Ladybug changed everything. Statements she had taken as fact from Lila could no longer be used. Things she had witnessed with her own eyes couldn't be trusted. After all she had seen Marinette and Ladybug side by side when Alix had been Akumatized. Now she realized that was because Marinette had literally gone back in time thanks to the Akuma's powers. Theoretically meaning that she could have seen Chat in the same space as his civilian self too and not known it.

She had texted Marinette last night and been told for real that she didn't know who he was. But Alya? Oh she was gonna find out. She had put it together long ago that Chat Noir also went to their school, there were too many coincidences for that to not be true. Chat knew people's names without needing to be told, he showed up even during akumas that had walled off the school from the outside world, and he frequently showed up before it was possible for anyone to have gotten the word out that an akuma had appeared. She needed answers, and she had a pretty good idea of who to start asking questions. Centered on a page in her journal, in big black letters, circled and triple underlined: ADRIEN AGRESTE.

She grabbed a bagel, hugged her sisters, and ran out the door determined to get to school before a certain blonde haired green eyed model.

-

The boy in question, unaware that he had been found out, was checking the outfit his father had picked for him for what had to be the 20th time that morning.

"Kid. Stop pacing. You're putting me off my cheese." Plagg complained from his pocket.

"Sorry, Plagg." Adrien replied, shaking himself to a stop. "I'm just nervous."

"You'll be fine." Plagg said, unusually sincere. "You already know she likes you, all of you. So all you need to do is be yourself and everything will work out." Adrien smiled at him, scritching the top of his head.

"Thanks Plagg. I really needed to hear that." Plagg purred lightly, something he didn't do often. But he knew it made Adrien happy when he did, and after what he found, he was going to give this kid every moment of happiness he could.

"Alright." Adrien said, straightening his shoulders. "I can do this. Let's go." Plagg hunkered down in his pocket as Adrien headed out. He was not looking forward to the conversation he needed to have with Tikki today.

-

Across town Marinette wasn't handling things near as well.

"It's friday. Tikki it's FRIDAY." She sat bolt upright in bed, startling the little red bug, who rolled off her pillow barely catching herself before she hit the ground.

The whole morning was a roller coaster between excited daydreaming.

"And then he'll whisk me away and we'll get married have 3 kids and a hamster."

And panicked despair.

"BUT WHAT IF I TRIP AND KNOCK INTO A WAITED WHO SPILLS EVERYTHING ON ADRIEN AND THEN HE'LL HATE ME FOREVER BECAUSE IM SO CLUMSY AND I'LL DIE ALONE! TIKKI I CAN'T DO THIS!"

Tikki, for her part, watched the meltdown with her usual combination of polite exasperation and cheerful encouragement.

"Marinette, calm down. Adrien is your friend. You know he likes you just the way you are. Just take a deep breath and be yourself and you'll do just fine." Marinette took a deep breath letting out in a raspberry.

"I'm sorry Tikki, I'm just so nervous."

"It's okay. But remember, we also need to go talk to Master Fu before your date. What he has to say may make a huge difference on how it goes." Marinette's face fell.

"I know."

For the second time that week, Marinette left the house a huge mess of nerves.

-

Alya hid just out of sight of the front door of the school, watching for Adrien's arrival. Her journal clutched in her hands, videos pulled and waiting on her phone. As she waited, Lila walked past holding court with Max, Kim, Rose and Juleka.

"It was so funny. Ladybug and I were hanging out last night, and you'll never guess the story she told me about her and Chat Noir! I'll give you a hint, it involves their REAL first kiss, which WASN'T the one posted tot he Ladyblog during your akuma, Kim"

Alya gritted her teeth, crushing her notes in her hands a bit. Now that she knew the truth, she could see why Marinette hated Lila so much. Alya mentally added taking Lila down to her rapidly growing to-do list.

-

Adrien fiddled nervously with the strap of his bag, his leg bouncing in the back seat of the car. Traffic was moving slowly, and he could see the Gorilla tensing up with every honk and sudden stop. He was going to be late at this point.

"Hey, I can just walk from here, you should take the next left and get out of this traffic jam" He took the grunt he recieved in response as an agreement and jumped out of the car.

-

Marinette, running late again, sprinted across an intersection and knocked elbows with a blond boy she didn't know. She caught herself on a lamp post, just barely staying upright. But he was sent sprawling. A wave of dread swept her when he looked up at her with green eyes.

She had forgotten she was supposed to be watching out for civilian Chat Noir.

-

Gabriel Agreste wasted no time descending into Hawkmoth's lair once his son had left for school. He had much to prepare.

His son's first date would no doubt leave plenty of broken hearts in it's wake, and already he could feel it was the kind of day where tensions were running high. He briefly paused at his wife's casket, laying a hand reverently against the glass. Then he took his position in the center of the room, the windowshade parascoping outwards revealing the butterfly motifed window.

He grinned with malice as white butterflies rose in a cloud around him.

"Nooroo, dark wings rise!"

#adrien agreste #adrien x ladybug #adrien x marinette #adrienette #adrinette #i'm just a really terrible person #ladrien #ladybug and chat noir #ladynoir #marichat #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous ladybug #ml ladybug #tales of ladybug and cat noir #villain #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth

[yyrz]

breath, faith, taste

note: IT’S VALENTINES and you know what that means!!!

also, an entry to @bnha-angst-week​ day 7: roses // time

the title lyric is from face my fears by utada hikaru because im kh trash. and also because i wrote this with no title in mind and that just started playing and there, here we are

disclaimer: blood mention, vomiting mention, death mention

(all my, all my life)

ao3 link! | fic masterlist!

i.

The petals littering her floor cover the blood she’d spit out hours ago.

White dahlias. Those are white dahlias, from the google search she did hours ago. Kyouka doesn't know what they mean. What they are, really. She doesn't want to continue reading the page she skimmed quickly, doesn't want to know why she's coughing them up whenever her thoughts stray towards Momo—

Momo, who's in the process of meeting her partner-to-be, trapped in a marriage meeting with her parents. Momo, whose excitement felt palpable from the moment it was announced that she'd finally be wed on the eve of next year’s winter solstice. Momo, whose tears ran tracks on her cheeks, all of which Kyouka kissed away, wishing her a bit of simple good luck before letting her go.

Happiness, Kyouka told herself, watching as the Yaoyorozu family car drove away, taking the person responsible for the festering feelings in her chest. Momo was crying tears of happiness.

Don't be selfish Kyouka. She’s not crying because of her freedom and marriage to a stranger feel like a ticking time bomb. Not because your hands cupping her cheeks feel like a goodbye.

Not because you’ll stop being her friend after this whole ordeal is settled with signatures on a contract, irreversible in the eyes of the law. You’ll never stop being her friend.

Not because— not because it feels like you’re giving her away— like you’re not fighting— because you don’t want to just be her friend—— don’t be silly.

ii.

The eve of the New Year looms closer and closer, each day making Kyouka fold into herself with anxiety that, in other circumstances, wouldn’t be present in her overall demeanor. But then, those other circumstances aren’t always so filled with thoughts about Momo. And ever since her winter break, it’s been nothing but Momo in her head.

All she can do is wait for the news. Momo hasn’t called or texted her at all. The break is almost at its end — by next week, they’ll all be back in class.

Maybe Kyouka can wait until then. Maybe Momo’s busy.

An itch makes its way up her throat at the thought of Momo being busy with her... with her fiance. She suppresses it, desperate to keep the flowers from spilling from her lips. A fist is shoved into her mouth, and she forces herself not to let out the dinner she’d eaten earlier, as well as the flowers churning deep in her lungs. Knuckles white, grimace clear on her face, Kyouka finds herself losing as she succumbs to the feeling of dread forcing itself up her throat.

Her dinner comes first, and then the flowers, caked with blood, splattering against the hardwood floor. She’ll have a hard time scrubbing it away, she notes, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Not that she can leave it alone unless she wanted to explain to her parents just why she’d been throwing up flowers.

With that thought in mind, Kyouka sets off to clean up her mess.

As she picks up the last clumps of bloodied dahlias, her phone rings. The sound of Satie’s Gymnopedie No. 1 makes her drop every she’s holding, fingers fumbling to answer the call. No matter if her phone's smeared with blood now — it’s Momo who's calling her, so of course she'd answer with the promptness of an ignored soul.

“Jirou-san!” At once, everything in Kyouka’s mind clears as Momo’s voice echoes from her phone speakers, almost bouncing with glee.

They talk for hours. Kyouka’s forced to keep her coughing to a bare minimum as Momo gushed on and on about her break, asking Kyouka for details of her own. Stories fill the gap between them, and Kyouka's heart soars when she hears Momo laugh. The growing flowers seem to shrink every time she listens to Momo.

That’s good.

The ski trip she wanted to invite Momo to rears itself to the forefront of her mind. But Kyouka refrains from saying anything about it because she knows Momo will feel bad for not being able to come. Not that Kyouka had the guts to invite her, even when the opportunity presented itself, but that wasn’t the point.

Eventually, their conversation comes to a close. Momo bids her farewell (with something about her tone gives Kyouka pause) and the call ends with Kyouka's goodbye.

Her phone chimes a beat later.

momo: I missed you Kyouka! I’ll see you next week!

momo: :*    

Her heart lurches in its place behind the thick foliage growing beneath her ribs. She stares at that small emoji, a kissing face, and wonders if Momo means it or if she thinks it only a gesture of friendship.

kyouka: no prob mo. missed u 2! see u next week.

iii.

Every day, her chest aches. Every day, the pain multiplies. Every day spent with Momo is a day spent agonizing about her future. No one knows about the flowers.

Or, no one would have known, had she not run into Kaminari during an episode.

A trembling hand reaches for the blonde, as he stares in shock (and if it weren’t so serious, she’d hear him laugh at the pun). She twists in her seat, fisted hand clutching her chest as though that would alleviate the pain of flowers growing in her lungs. Dahlias don’t grow with thorns, but Kyouka feels as though a thousand have been piercing her since this all started.

She swallows a cry (and the blood, the bile, the petals) back. A shudder runs through her shoulders. Kaminari can do nothing but watch, horrified as a dribble of blood makes it past her fingers, which she wipes away.

There are questions on the tip of this tongue, and the fact that he’s yet to crack a joke at her expense makes her believe that he’s taking this as seriously as she has. It’s odd for Kaminari to do so, but the appreciation she conveys for his somber manner is still well   

No one’s there to notice anything. She’s lucky. She’s lucky Momo’s not here to see her. She’s lucky Momo’s out with her fiance.

Ha.

iv.

.

.

.

Momo doesn’t know anything apart from the fluttering in her stomach; she doesn’t care about anything apart from a nagging insistence residing in her belly, urging her to spend time with Jirou. She has always known what she wanted, even at a young age. But right now, she doesn’t why her desires tell her to always be within Jirou’s range.

There’s something there. A spark? She can’t pinpoint it and for the love of God, how she wants to name the restless feeling she gets whenever she isn’t near Jirou.

She’s meeting with her fiance today and a feeling in her swells to an uproar. I don’t want to! I want to stay here! But her mother had their lunch date arranged, had planned everything and it would break her heart if Momo says that she’d rather stay with her classmates, spend the night idly chatting with them in the comfort of their common room. She already can imagine herself, sprawled on the sofa, teased for keeping her feet firmly on the floor while everyone has theirs up on the coffee table, while Iida shouts something about respecting the one who made it.

Which was her, for a dare.

It seemed like a lifetime ago. Fooling around with her classmates, when she hadn’t the slightest clue to her future. When her mother had yet to tell her about the engagement; when she had yet to meet the person she’d spend her eternity with.

They were nice. Friendly. Almost too much, like it was a farce for them, wrapped in printed paper and topped with a colorful bow. Maybe that’s what they think of Momo — a gift by her parents, or an offering to appease them.

Stop that line of thinking Momo! She feels silly for allowing such thoughts in her head when they’ve been nothing but understanding with their predicament. An arranged marriage was such an old custom, and yet here she is, here they are, in the middle of it. Ready to go through with it.

Are they really ready though?

Momo’s thoughts drift back to Jirou. She was such a supportive friend, crying with Momo when she expressed frustration for the plans her mother spewed. She wanted nothing more than to turn her back on that plan, but mother’s disappointment loomed above her head, a stormy look overshadowing the words that would’ve brought her respite. Jirou tries to lift her spirits up, easing her into the thought of a future carved into stone by her parents.

But the longer she waits, the lower the spirits drop, the deeper the pit she feels herself falling into. Momo makes her circumstance a show of happiness, even with the judgment she can feel pouring out of Todoroki and Iida’s intense gaze.

Are you happy? Is what they always ask, the pair laced with concern and anger, both at her inability to say no and her cowardice.

And she knows. Momo knows how deep her weakness falls. But she pushes aside everything that her mother has expressly forbidden her to do, ignores the own throbbing of her chest whenever she refers to Jirou has her friend.

Because deep down she knows — down to the cells making up her body, the rushing blood against her veins. She knows that friend can’t explain that throbbing; friend can’t explain the misery. The word friend can never explain the enormity of her feelings, yearning yet confined within the small space she could never let go.

.

.

.

When she exits the common room, eyeing the scene of a happy Jirou nudging Kaminari, laughing at the stupidly content grin on his face, something prods against her chest. A heavy feeling, foreboding in all its glory.

.

.

.

The roses littering her floor cover the stench of her disappointments and regrets.

v.

Dahlias and roses surround her, around her body, like a protective shell. Her body is floating, carried by the current.

Jumping off the cliff was her decision. Sudden but not unwanted.    

Momo follows soon after. The shouting behind her ignored as she plunges headfirst into the ocean, splitting it for a moment before she’s submerged. Her eyes sting, but she’s undeterred in her quest to locate Kyouka.

The sea seems to glow when she opens her eyes, when she feels hands cupping her cheeks, when she finally stares at Momo’s paling features, watching her cry at nothing, tears mixing with seawater. Kyouka can’t seem to speak anymore, not when water is already entering her mouth, her nose, burning her lungs into oblivion.

She breathes salt and sea, shame and desire, pulling her deeper into the abyss that was the ocean. She smiles, letting her lips touch her cheeks, letting her face bloom with heat even in the freezing depths. She finds that her hands have taken Momo’s own, holding as tightly as she could (as she can, in her weakening state).

Momo replies with the same gusto of the dying, closing her eyes, letting everything else take her. Letting go of her unhappiness, bleeding agony until only the truth remained.

Too late to say, but at the same time, it was just the right time to realize.

vi.

They’re found together, blue and no more, holding each other close.   

#momojirou #jirou kyouka #yaoyorozu momo #bnha-angst-week #boku no hero academia #this is so bad bUT I LOVE hanahakis o k #yyrz.fic

[dong-hyucks]

Hi there cutie! I binged all your NCT scenarios yesterday 💜 and they were amazing! Here's my request. Character: NCT's Winwin 1. Enemy to Lover (I haven't seen any scenario where Winwin hates anyone, so you'll be the first!) 2. My prompt is a bit detailed, but hear me out: First Winwin hates y/n, but then prompt 7 and 39 happen. Then prompt 83. And the conclusion is a happy ending as lovers with 37, 38, and 50. Thank you, and congrats for 1K ohmygoodness gurl you're sLAYin

Dong Sicheng (Winwin) ; “I dreamt about you last night.” , “Don’t cry.” , “Stay there, I’m coming to get you.” , “Can I kiss you?” , “I think you’re beautiful.” + Enemies↣Lovers!AU / College!AU    ↳ College!AU not requested

Prompts here.Masterlists

hey back cutie thanks for all your support ily

i had to omit one of the numbers (38 specifically) because i had a limit on number requests (which was five) so i hope you don’t mind :)

but thanks for making my job easier by being so detailed lmao

also can i just say listening to day6 helped me write this their lyrics are so salty lwfhakah

alrighty

so sicheng over here doesn’t hate hate you, he just dislikes your presence

he’s a transfer student from china

so are you, from [country other than s. korea lol]

needless to say, you didn’t have very good first impressions of each other

sicheng had bought a new shirt n trousers for the first day because he wanted to look presentable

he was like the first student in the lecture room

you came in like two minutes late, looking tired af, armed with your supplies and a slightly cold cup of coffee

the lecture room wasn’t that big and there were a lot of students

and the only available seat was beside sicheng or beside the seemingly hungover dude in the corner

you chose sicheng

you had to waddle in between the chairs and the moment you were a mere metre away from sitting down

you tripped over a girl’s bag that she had left on the ground

your books fell atop your chair and on the ground

and your coffee?

it went flying from your hands

and onto an unsuspecting sicheng

you gasped so loudly, and kind of just stood there covering your mouth in shock

sicheng was wide-eyed, obviously in shock

once the initial surprise blew over, he realized how many people were staring, including the professor who had walked in just as the coffee spilled

his cheeks burned in embarrassment as he glared over at you

before you could even blurt out an apology, sicheng excused himself and practically sprinted out the door

the professor just told you to wipe the spill and copy notes for both yourself and sicheng

you agreed because you felt absolutely horrible

he looked traumatized

you ventured to the non-gender specific washrooms to grab a bunch of paper towel

and you found him hunching over one of the sinks, dabbing at his body with an already soaked clump of what you had gone to get

feeling incredibly bad, you got more paper towel and tried to hand it to him

sicheng didn’t even look up, smacking your hand away, in turn making the bundle of paper towels to flutter to the floor

you were kind of like ‘well that was unnecessary’ 

but you didn’t say it out loud, opting to just frown as you cradled your slightly red hand

“i’m sorry for–”

“go away.”

you were shocked again by how deep and off-putting his voice was

he sounded so pissed off with you

however, you were determined to apologize properly, otherwise you’d feel terrible for the rest of the semester

“look, i just want to apologize–”

finally looking up, sicheng narrowed his watering eyes at you in a harsh glare

“i told you already, go away.”

your frown deepened

you couldn’t help but feel slightly ticked off by his behaviour

yes, you did spill coffee on him, but hey! you tried to apologize and help him out by giving him more towels but he completely blew you off

but, you knew that if you were in his shoes, you’d probably be acting the same

you definitely wouldn’t be smiling if it had been you, that’s for sure

you couldn’t even say anything before he began to hunch over the sink even more

you noticed his shoulders shaking slightly, his fingers grasping the edge of the sink tightly

“are you stupid? i told you– go away!”

he sounded much more pressing than he had the first two times

you scoffed at the fact that he had called you stupid, but decided to just leave him be

if he wanted to drench in cold coffee by himself, then so be it

after picking up the paper towels that he had smacked out of your hand and grabbing a bit more, you returned to the lecture room with furrowed brows

sicheng didn’t return to class that day

grumbling, you stayed behind in the school’s library to copy down another pair of notes for sicheng when you would’ve been at home watching tv

you didn’t even know his name

unfortunately for you, the schools only two photocopiers had been malfunctioning since the summer break was coming to an end, and they still hadn’t had a repairman come by to fix it

in other words, you had to copy the four pages worth of notes by hand

it took you roughly half an hour to copy down everything

you made sure the notes were legible, not wanting to piss sicheng off even more because you were going to be honest with yourself; sicheng being mad at you made you mad somehow

you thought it was odd but something about sicheng just irked you

what, you had no clue

anyway, you learned his name the next day when the professor asked him to stay after class

you guys still had to sit together because the other seats were filled

you spent the entire two weeks plain out ignoring each other, and when you did interact there was usually some sour looks involved

everyone thought you were crazy for disliking sicheng

according to literally everyone else on campus, he was a total sweetheart

you: “if only you knew hmph”

although, you did have to come to terms with it after witnessing sicheng being kind to others yourself

“dammit”

then, once that fortnight had passed

you could’ve sworn your professor hated you

he told the class that he was going to have you be in partners to do some major research

and lo and behold

you were partnered up with sicheng

typical cliches amirite

you didn’t have a choice

working with your partner efficiently helped with your mark (ba dum tss)

and you weren’t up to having marks docked purely because you disliked your partner

neither was sicheng

you guys begrudgingly exchanged numbers, avoiding eye contact the entire time

you didn’t even talk face to face you just agreed to meet in the school’s library after his afternoon classes

so after meeting up with your friends n having drinks you had to leave to meet with sicheng

you were dreading it

you had previously convinced yourself that you could just simply ignore him

but as you got closer and closer to the library you realized you couldn’t

anywho, he arrived soon after and the two of you went to a table nearing the far wall

after setting up you kind of just worked in silence

occasionally, he’d ask you a few questions and vice versa

as time passed (luckily the library was accessible 24/7) you were getting more and more tired

however, your pride didn’t allow you to tell sicheng that

so you kept going, holding back yawns

until you literally just fell asleep at your laptop

sicheng didn’t even notice until he realized the clicks of your keyboard had ceased

he frowned at the sight of you before he realized it was past midnight

he just turned your laptop to him and pressed save

sighing, he just kept working

less than ten minutes later his eyes were trailing back to you

he grumbled to himself, realizing you were shivering

mumbling under his breath, he took out his jacket from his bag and hung it over your shoulders

eventually, sicheng got tired as well

realizing it was now almost two in the morning, he decided to just save everything for now and continue the next time you guys were to meet

after packing his things (and yours) he shook you awake

by the time you actually woke up, all you saw was sicheng’s back as he walked off

you realized your things were packed up and blinked in confusion

‘did he really just pack my things for me?’

you went home, the nap making you feel even more tired than before

the next day, you woke up with a start

“nonononoNoNo–”

your roommate, Eunjae, looked at you with a raised brow

“what’s up with you?”

you didn’t answer, choosing to just scream into your pillow, your face red

in your haste, you didn’t even check if your phone was in your bag like you usually did

you went to your morning class early

you nearly cursed the world for making sicheng be your classmate in almost every class you had

luckily, in your next class – mathematics – you sat near the front while he sat in the very back

so you didn’t have to deal with him

that is

until class was over

as you swung your bag over your shoulder and made your way to the exit, sicheng stopped you

memories of what you had dreamed about came flooding back to you

your face went hot and you quickly scrambled away

sicheng was confused

yes he knew you disliked him but you had never reacted like that before

usually you like to have the final word before leaving but that time you didn’t even say anything

he legitimately had to tell you something and he couldn’t exactly text you about it

so he chased after you

“wait!! [Y/N]!”

hearing him yell after you made you sprint faster

buuttttt sicheng is magic ok so he caught up to you

he stopped in front of you, slightly panting

before you could say anything, he took hold of your wrist

while you struggled to escape he went through his jacket pocket before taking out a phone

your phone

“you left this at the library yesterday. i found it when i went back for my mouse.”

you kind of just stared at him

you realized that you were staring for too long when he began to look uncomfortable

looking down at your phone, you took hold of it with your free hand

“thanks,,, i guess”

im literally having an allergic reaction while writing this lol

you took one more glance at his confused look before darting off leaving him confused af

‘why were they acting like that???’ - him for the next few hours

then, he found you again later that night

you were hanging out with your friends in the courtyard

he walked up to you, with intentions of talking about the research

but once you spotted him, you looked ready to jump out of your seat and run a marathon if it meant getting away from him

“wait!!”

and so, you did

why– you had no clue

“why have you been so jumpy around me today?”

“,,,”

“you can tell me”

“imayormaynotehavedreamtaboutyou”

“what??”

you sighed, just going to face your problems

“i,,, dreamt about you last night.”

after that, you guys kind of stopped hating each other

now you could tolerate the other

you talked a bit more while doing research, but not by much

on the day you guys finished doing the research

sicheng proposed that you do the last bit at a starbucks or smth so you could treat yourselves when you finished

ofc you agreed because honestly coffee after work?? during work??? heavenly.

ironically i don’t like coffee

anywho

it was sunny that day

and you guys chose a spot by the window

you were undeterred by the sun, despite the annoying glare it made on your laptop screen

you just kept working, taking the occasional sip of your drink (that sicheng ordered for you)

sicheng was working away at his part of the project too

but as time went on, his hands and eyes were getting tired so he leaned back to take a break

just then, you got a notification from your friend

they had sent you a picture of [whatever your favourite animal is my fav is otters :)]

so you started smiling the moment sicheng looked up at you

he nearly choked right then n there

the way your hair caught the light? he was s h o c k e d

the cute way you tilted your head when you smiled? he was s h o c k e d

okay case in point, he was shocked

he found himself listening to his racing heartbeat rather than the buzz and chatter of the busy shop

his heart had never raced that fast because of you, so why was it now?

he had seen you smile in the past, and he would admit that he thought you were cute but before he wasn’t this affected

“um– i have to use the washroom, excuse me”

you just nodded, still smiling because of the photo

you didn’t notice the way his voice wavered or the way he practically ran to the washroom, too engrossed in either your work or the photo

when sicheng got to the washroom he just locked the door and stared at himself in the mirror with wide eyes

he was still in shock

‘do i like them?’

‘no, it can’t be…’

‘but…’

he’d let out a really quite n frustrated groan, messing up his hair as he rubbed his face in exhaustion

in that moment, in the silence of the washroom, he noticed just how stressed he was

he was on the brink of failing half of his classes due to pure exhaustion and the other two he was barely passing

and now he had to figure out whatever it was he was feeling?? toward someone he could barely stand to sit beside a mere fortnight beforehand?

as he stared down at the eggshell white sink, something fell

he blinked in confusion

looking up, he was surprised to see a single tear falling from his right eye, following the one that had just fell

he was surprised

the last time he cried was when he first got really homesick, but he could see reason for that

was he crying because of stress??

was he crying because he was confused???

he didn’t even bother to wipe his face, he just let his tears slowly cascade down his cheeks

after a while, he finally dabbed at his face with some paper towel and walked out

you made eye contact with him immediately, your straight face becoming concerned

sicheng kept his eyes glued to the tiled flooring, so he didn’t notice the change

when he sat back down without a word and just began typing you frowned

he looked

well

dead to be honest

you felt as if he wasn’t up for talking right now so you took your phone and sent him a small text

“don’t cry :) it might not be that comforting, but i’m here if you ever want to talk.”

you quickly placed the phone down and went back to work, your eyes flitting over your laptop screen to see his reaction

when his phone vibrated, the noise making a loud buzz against the wood of his chair, you curled up slightly

as he took out his phone, your eyes kept moving from your screen to him

finally, he looked up at you with a confused expression

without saying anything, you just pointed toward your eyes with a sheepish smile

his were slightly red and puffy

it wasn’t too noticeable, but if you were looking at him for longer than five seconds you’d notice

you had sported the same look while watching a drama the other day

instead of replying, sicheng sent you a weak smile before going back to typing

you sighed, doing the same

your drink went cold.

after the research was finished, you and sicheng didn’t really have a reason to talk to each other anymore

you were kind of sad, surprisingly

when the project first started you had been so excited for the day of its completion

but now that it’s come, you were just disappointed

to your own surprise, hanging out with sicheng wasn’t unbearable, not at all

you had found yourself waiting for time to go faster so you could hurry up and meet with him already

sicheng was a pretty nice guy

if you had told yourself that a month ago, you would’ve scoffed

you found yourself searching for him whenever you’d walk into a classroom or into the library

you didn’t even realize you were doing it until your friend pointed it out

at that point, it hit you

you, at some point in time, had grown to like dong sicheng

you, in all honesty, weren’t that surprised

you had suspected that you had feelings when you started feeling hot whenever he’d be near you (so, every other day basically)

and your heart would pound whenever he’d smile in your direction

whenever it’d happen you just shot it down because – no, you can’t possibly like dong sicheng – but lo and behold it’s possible

really, you just accepted it

you couldn’t just stop yourself from liking him, even if you tried

and by accepting it, you accept the thought that he could never like you

in your opinion, he was out of your league

so you just kind of

left your little crush alone

you didn’t make any moves

you didn’t talk to him more

you just continued on with life

unknowingly, you found yourself glancing over in his direction more and more often

you’d start checking if he was looking over at you, even if it was just a mere glance

and more often than not, he would be looking

however, the clock was usually on the other side of you, so maybe he was just watching for the time

before you knew it, your little crush and blown up into something more

by the time you realized how deep you were, you had no idea what to do

by ignoring it, you thought your crush would just go away, but now that it hadn’t you were confused

you found yourself longing for his presence

and missing the way he’d laugh at your little quips whenever you worked together

you talked it over with your friend and what they told you astonished you, despite how obvious it was

“[Y/N],,, you’re in love with sicheng, aren’t you?”

“,,, shit”

once it had truly dawned on you– your true feelings for the male, you started to freak out whenever he’d draw close

it got to the point where you started avoiding him in hallways because you got too flustered at the mere sight of him

me too, [Y/N], me too

this went on for a while

when sicheng noticed you literally spinning on your heel and speed walking the other way he’d be hurt

he thought you hated him

so he asked your friend, the one he sees you with a lot

“this might sound weird but,,,, does [Y/N] hate me again?”

“,,,”

when your friend started laughing, he felt so embarrassed

he thought he had said something wrong or something weird

maybe it was wrong and weird, he didn’t know

once your friend calmed down, they just whispered something before making their way down the hall

after that, sicheng made a valiant effort to approach you

and you notice right away

he’d frown whenever you started sprinting away, but with the new information he had acquired via your friend, he wasn’t as worried anymore

but he was kind of frustrated because he wanted to tell you everything so badly

he couldn’t exactly do that when you were straight up running from him

you weren’t answering texts either

and then that back and forth went on

it was only a month before the senior student’s graduation did something happen

so your friends had invited you to a party

you usually just turned them down, but you felt so stressed over school and work that you just threw caution out the window and agreed

you carpooled to the party

it was the typical type of house party you’d expect

dimmed lights, colourful lights strung from the ceiling, alcoholic drinks and party cups were neatly lined on a table that had been pushed against the wall

there was loud music too, almost deafening

you just stuck to the wall as everyone bounced happily around you, feeling out of your element

suddenly, a drunken man – someone you had recognized as one of the many faces at your school – stumbled through the crowd of bodies, sending you a sleazy smile and what had appeared to be an attempt at a wink

“hey there,” he slurred, stepping so close you could smell the beer in his breath “what’re you doing alone?”

you just kept using your phone

‘hopefully he just goes away’

he didn’t

when you didn’t respond, he roughly gripped a hand around your wrist, pulling you to his torso

“i asked you a question,” he grumbled

wrenching yourself out of his grasp, you pushed him away with knitted brows; “get off me, you drunkard”

bad idea apparently

the man narrowed his eyes at you, moving to reach for you again

you stepped out of his reach

your little taunting vexed him, making him completely lunge at you despite his drunken state

you quickly rushed up the stairs, knowing he’d catch up if you attempted to weave through the crowd to the door

opening a random door, you jumped inside and slammed it shut

you locked it, hearing the pounding knocks that could be from no one but him shortly after

after around ten minutes, the knocking ceased and you heard heavy footsteps going down the stairs

letting out a sigh of relief, you reached for the door knob

you had sighed too early, it seemed

the door was jammed

you frowned, pushing your body weight against the door

it still wouldn’t open

you started to freak out

being stuck in some stranger’s bathroom on a friday night wasn’t exactly ideal

taking out your phone, you quickly dialed your friends number

they didn’t answer

you tried again

still no answer

by this time, you felt scared

you didn’t like how cramped the bathroom felt

even if you aren’t afraid of small spaces, it felt as though the walls were closing in

slowly but surely

you wanted to cry from frustration honestly

when none of your friends bothered, probably too enamoured with the music and/or their dance partners, your frown deepened

realizing it was your only choice then, you dialed the final number in your contacts

soon, a tired little “hello?” came warbling through the receiver

“sicheng? sorry to be calling so late, but i kind of need help”

you explained to him the entire thing, from start to finish

you had begun to shake, eyeing the walls suspiciously

“hey,” he mumbled, his voice soft. “stay there, alright? i’m coming to get you.”

you just nodded, eyeing the jammed door, holding your phone so tightly your knuckles were losing colour

“not like i have a choice, but okay

he chuckled for a moment

“just breath– will you do that for me?”

at his words, you took in a deep breath

you couldn’t even finish your final sentence before he was messaging you back saying he’d be there in ten

sooner than you had expected, the door opened

behind that door, was sicheng

he too looked uncomfortable with the setting, and it wasn’t long before the two of you were rushing out

“i can drive you home,” he suggested

you couldn’t even refuse before he opened the passenger door for you

you sighed, stepping into the ceiling after saying thank you

he got into the other side and started the car

the ride was silent, aside from you telling him where to go

by the time you had reached your house, you were surprised

only five minutes had passed

when you turned to thank sicheng again, he was already looking at you

he looked flustered, something that was apparent under the bright light of the street lamp mere metres away from sicheng’s car

“is something wrong?”

he was silent for a moment, biting his lip in uncertainty

then, he spoke

and when he did, your heart raced once again

“can i,,, kiss you?”

you gasped

sicheng looked embarrassed at the fact that he asked– ashamed even

before he could even apologize

you had leaned over the centre console and cupped his face with your hands before pressing your lips against his in a gentle kiss

sicheng’s eyes were blown wide with surprise, before they finally closed and he relaxed

the kiss was slow and sweet and you pulled away slowly just seconds later, your eyes still closed

sicheng was the first to open his eyes, and when he did he smiled widely

“you know,,,, i think you’re beautiful.”

#winwin #sicheng #nct #nct 127 #dong sicheng #this took me forever to do im sorry #will i ever stop making things school related #winwin imagines #winwin scenarios #winwin drabbles #sicheng imagines #sicheng scenarios #sicheng drabbles #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct drabbles #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 drabbles #dong sicheng imagines #dong sicheng scenarios #dong sicheng drabbles #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop drabbles #nct winwin #nct winwin imagines #nct winwin scenarios #nct winwin drabbles

[permanentstickingcharm-blog]

Love Sick, Love Potion.

Sirius Black with a love potion? oh dear.

Sirius Black x Reader

Warnings: profanity, sirius black as an un-glamorous crying mess.

It was your sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. For a muggle born witch, you weren't a bad student at all. You were best friends with Lily Evans and Marlene Mckinnon, who were both brilliant as witches go. But every good thing had it's drawbacks. Lily Evans was the target of one James Potter who was one of the members of the Marauders, a sort of gang that was notorious for running pranks all over the school no matter what time and place. Not that they were a bad lot in your book, they were funny and smart as hell, it's just that trouble followed wherever they went, and there ever you and lily go, they followed. But not long after your group and his met, you guys were inseparable.

You and Remus got along quite well, seeing as books were the only refuge the two of you had from the bustling school life of Hogwarts. James, Sirius and peter didn;t really understand the love you two had for the books.

'Honestly, you two. It's just words on paper! There's not even any pictures in it!'

You and James bonded with talk of Quidditch. It was all very interesting for you and with james being the gryffindor house team chaser, he was more than happy to talk you through every detail.

'You have got to let me teach you to play, sometime'

You and Peter got along with food. Now, This boy has the greatest food stash under his bed giving the kitchens a run for their money. and when you needed a quick fix, you didn't need to go down in the kitchens anymore, you just went to the boys room and reach under peter's bed.

'Oh, go on, help yourself'

You and Sirius were a different story. Back in your third hear he had found you crying up in the Astronomy tower clutching a letter from you parents saying that you weren't allowed to come home anymore. Of all the people who'd have know hatred from theit families, Sirius black was the one who took it quite well, in your opinion at least.he calmed you down and he let you sleep in his bed with his arms around you, rubbing circles on your shoulders. Slowly but surely, you fell asleep. Slowly but surely, you also fell for him.

'hush, now. it's alright, love. i've got you"

Life was good, after you were kicked out by your parents, Mr. and Mrs. Evans agreed to take you in during the summer breaks, and occasionally, Mr and Mrs. Potter too. Especially during the full moon when Remus would succumb to his lycanthropy. They would bring remus back to you in the dead of night and you would be the one to heal him with you exceptional skill at healing spells. Things got easier last year when the three boys completed their transformations as animagi to help their best mate during his full moons.

Every time you had a nightmare, it was Sirius you ran to, everything about the boy calmed you down, his warmth, his scent, his voice. Little by little he realized that he thought of you more than just a friend.

This night was no different than the others nights you've had nightmares, you woke up covered in a thin layer of sweat, tears spilling over your tired eyes. You kept dreaming about your parents and how they would never love you and how they would never want to see you again. Thrashed around in you bed a lot until the movement jerks you awake always finding new scratches on your skin caused by yourself. You got off the bed and exited the dormitory making your way to the stairs that were parallel to yours. you tiptoed towards the door and opening it carefully as to not make a sound and found your was to sirius' bedside.

"Sirius," you whispered, sitting lightly on his bes

"(y/n)?"  he groaned, his hand searching in the darkness till they make contact with yours. then he gently pulled you towards him laying your head down on his chest and wrapping you with his strong arms. "just a dream," he mumbled, "s'alright i've got you, love." he said running his fingers through your hair till you drifted off to sleep.

Woke with a start, panicking that you might be late to one of your classes, until you realized that it was a saturday. Sirius wasn't beside you and the feeling of dread just decided to cover you, the dormitory was empty, funny, you used to wake up before all of the boys did. You made your way back to the girl's dorm and changed your clothes and decided to look for your friends.

In the Great Hall, it was warmer and busier compared to the quiet that loomed over the common room. Flying hearts and cute cherubs on pink clouds scattered the enchanted ceiling in celebration of the Valentine's season.People were bustling in and out of the hall excited for the upcoming the hogsmeade trip. You spotted Lily over at the gryffindor table sitting across Marlene, eating lunch. you approached them and took your customary seat on the left side of your best friend.

"Morning," you smiled raising an eyebrow and waving a hand at the overly extravagant decor, "a bit much isn't it?"

"No, i think its perfect" Lily sighed.

"That's because unlike me and (y/n) over here, you've got boys chasing after you" Marlene snickered. You laughed along while piling food onto your plate.

"Yeah, and not to mention an actual chaser of the gryffindor quidditch team is actually 'chasing' you" you teased, air-quoting.

"Shove off, you two," said Lily returning her attention to her potatoes, "if you're talking about James Potter i agreed to-"

"did i hear someone say my name?!"

You turned your heads towards the voice that boomed a few feed away from you and saw James Potter and the rest of his gang walking towards your little group.

"Speak of the devil." Marlene said under her breath as you took to checking each of the marauders until you found the pair of gray eyes that you were looking for.

Sirius Black smirked at you and you could've sworn your heart skipped a beat of two, your breath hitched and you looked down as if your pile of mash was suddenly more interesting.

"Hello there, my Lily-flower."James dropped down on the bench on the other side of lily, throwing an arm over her shoulders, while you felt someone sit carefully on the space on your other side. you didn't  really want to think about who it was but you definitely had an inkling. Your heart beat faster than a humming bird's wings and nearly stopped the moment the smell of musk, mint, and smoke hit your nose.

'Close enough to smell' you thought, your brow furrowed at the thought and tried to push the feeling down. You felt a pair of eyes boring holes at the side of your head, you found a difficulty in chewing and forcefully swallowed the food in your mouth as if your throat has dried up and closed down.

"Save it, Potter," Lily said, rolling her eyes and shrugging James' arm off of her "I only said yes so you'd stop begging."

"Ouch," James dramatically said clutching his chest in mock offense, "well, i would've begged till the end of the world,babe," he smiled, "and besides nothing is set in stone.. you might like what i have in store for you." he said, winking and wiggling his eyebrows causing Lily to roll her eyes

"Hi." Sirius whispered to you smiling shyly "alright there, love? how'd you sleep? sorry to leave you in the dormitories, the boys and i have had a previous engagement that nee--"

"Sirius, you don;t need to apologize or explain yourself," you laughed in disbelief, "i should be the one  apologizing to you, disturbing you in ungodly hours of the night." your smile dissipating  " and Hi to you too." you whispered back feeling the blush creeping on to your face as you looked down at your food again thinking of transfiguration to distract you from the overwhelming presence beside you.

"anything for you, (y/n)," he smiled. i wonder if he means that, wait, no.

"thank you, sirius" you said with a loving smile and you could've sworn you heard his breath hitch at the sight of you, but he tried covering it with a cough, but not very convincingly though as the red on his face was quite noticeable.

"Well!" Sirius clapped his hands together startling you out of your reverie. "Who's up for a Hogsmeade trip?" he suggested as a series of "me" and " I am" were said in response.

"I-I think I'll pass," You said quietly earning series of stares from your friends.

"WHAT?! WHY?," cried sirius

"got lots of homework to catch up to." you said quietly.

"(y/n) you cant make me go with them alone!" sirius begged, obviously aiming for the dramatics "they'll drive me crazy!"

"speak for yourself, black" Lily chided

"then stay," you whispered to him, he looked at you in disbelief, then started thinking if the one on one time with you was worth missing the hogsmeade trip.

"nahh," he said earning a great big pout from you, he looked horribly flustered at your disappointmet "(y/n)? w-wha-- please don't be-- I-Im sorry" he sighed "look if you want me to stay i will, like i said, anything for you." he smiled but still looked kinda disappointed.

"i'm kidding, sirius!" you laughed out loud " who am i to keep you indoors, im not your girlfriend, or your mother" you said shrugging, wanting to be the former, but you didn't say that out loud "and on that note, I'll see you guys later, enjoy your trip." and with that you rose up from your seat and headed off to the common rooms leaving a shocked and disappointed looking Sirius behind.

As soon as you were out of the great hall, Sirius groaned and his head fell onto the crook of his elbow on the table. If your love for Sirius Black was unknown to anybody but yourself, Sirius Black's love for you was known to every one in your circle, well, except for you.

"Why is it so hard to ask her out" he mumbled

"Because she's not that kind of girl, pads" Remus reminded him "why are you so stressed anyway? that didn't seem to be a problem back when you only saw her as a friend."

"That was before!" sirius nearly shouted in defeat "now i only see her as... her." he said shaking his head with his eyes closed. "Beautiful, smart, funny when she wants to be, i just... she's the complete opposite of me and i just cant get her out my mind. I don't understand, I'm never like this with other girls"

"Well obvioulsly, shes not like other girls" Peter added.

"Sirius, she's not that complicated." Lily laughed, placing a hand on Sirius' shoulder to comfort him.

"Yeah," Marlene joined in "think about it this way, she's shy out of her mind, an introvert at best. Honestly, if it were you, what would you do?"

Sirius rose up from his elbow and thought hard. "Yeah, i can see your point. But that doesn't help me talk to her, though."

"Then you don't see the point at all," James pointed out "jeez, man for a smart guy you really can be dense as hell. Go talk to her in private, brainless! If she likes you as much as we think she does, she wouldn't want to talk about it in public, i doubt anyone would. Honestly, if you can't grow the balls to tell her how you feel, we will!"

"Tell who about that?" you asked them overhearing their conversation as they all visibly stiffened, apparently not noticing you and that they were all huddled over the table towards each other, they straightened up and turned to look at you with wide eyes leaving only sirius hunched over and, from your point of view of his side profile, visibly paling.

"(y/n)! we thought you headed of to do homework or something?" Peter said with a smile, but his face hinted that he was hiding something else.

"Sirius," you said, brow furrowed, voice clearly filled with concern, you sat down beside him, ignoring peter and turning your body towards his and lowering your face to match his level "are you alright?"

"F-Fine" he stammered "m'fine, excuse me" he said quickly standing up and rushing out of the great hall.

"is he alright?" you asked turning to the rest of the group.

"yes! he's fine" lily answered in an obvious nervous rush. "did you need anything ? We thought you went to do some schoolwork?"

"Forgot my notes," you pointed to the pile of paper beside lily's elbow grabbing them and heading back out from the hall.

"Well, that was... something" James said spotting Sirius returning from God knows where "Oy!, where'd you run off to?" he asked clearly amused at the sight of his best friend being overly bothered by the whole thing.

"Hid." Sirius said, now pacing, "hid till she passed by". Marlene let out a laugh."s'not funny."

"For you it isn't" remus reminded again "couldn't say the same for the rest of us though, we're finding this very amusing. Notorious ladies man, Sirius black finally meets his match, and shes not even trying" he said with his shoulders shaking in laughter.

"QUIET, LUPIN!" Sirius growled "let's just go to Hogsmeade."

------------------------------------------

Hogsmeade looked like a Post card; the little thatched cottages and shops were all covered in a layer of crisp snow; there were heart wreaths on the doors and strings of enchanted roses hanging in the trees.

The marauders with Lily and Marlene walked along the busy street  with the shopkeepers and other fellow students. All of these valentines shenanigans and love struck students seemed to spark the mischievous gears in Sirius' mind to turn and to finally think of a plan to make you his.

"Hey guys," Sirius said stopping in his tracks while his companions turned to look at him "It seems I've forgotten something over at uhh--" he stammered "be right back" he said turning on his heels "see you back at the castle? especially you three" he said looking back at the three remaining marauders grinning as if signifying that he has a plan in mind. The three boys looking confused only nodded in response as Sirius ran to the shop he was meaning to go to since he stepped foot onto Hogsmeade.

--------------------------------------------------

You shut your book and rubbed your eyes as you finished the weeks homework in the library. You wondered whether you friends would be back by now but you doubted it because they've only been gone for two hours since they met you back in the girl's dormitory while getting their jumpers and bonnets and scarves. You'd asked them to buy you a sugar quill because you like the distraction it gave you while working because it prevented you from over thinking, which was something you weren't a stranger to. With that being said you gathered your things and headed back to the common room passing by the kitchens to ask for a mug of hot chocolate.

The common room was quiet, its as if the whole of the Gryffindor population decided to go on the Hosmeade trip with the exception of you. You headed up to the dormitory to put away you things and grab the book you've been meaning to finish, a blanket and the mug you had asked from the kind house elves from the kitchens.

You made your way down the stairs, placed the mug onto the coffee table and sat on the good spot beside the fire place, snuggled with you blanket and started to read.

You woke up with a groan and looking out the window you see the sun setting with a brilliant show of pinks, oranges, and purples. you must have been asleep for quite a while because your joints felt stiff as you tried to stretch, then you notice the two people on the sofa in front of you.

"Hey, Lils, marlene" you said, voice still deep with sleep.

"Hey, (y/n), you're up!" Lily said with enthusiasm "the sugar quills are up in the dorms beside your bed".

You nodded, smiling. "what time did you get back?"

"About an hour before now" Marlene answered "you were having such a good sleep we didn't bother waking you" she mused.

"And the boys?" you wondered out loud.

"Up in their dorms" lily said with an exasperated breath "scheming about someting again, i could tell from the look on sirius's face when he left us in hogsmeade."

"He left you in Hogsmeade?"  you asked curious as Sirius was the one who suggested the trip in the first place

"Yeah he said something about forgetting something, but he didn't say what or where, he just told the boys to meet him back at the castle " said Marlene.

Curious.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"SERIOUSLY, SIRIUS!??!" James shouted, " A LOVE POTION?!"

"SHHHHH!" Sirius said putting a finger to his lips and lunging to tackle James on the bed with his hand muffling James' screaming. James pushed Sirius off of him raising his hands to mean he was calm.

"Sirius, you can't be serious" he said in an incredulous tone. peter snickered. "please tell me you're joking."

"Yeah, you're not THAT desperate, are you?" Remus questioned

"Thats the thing!" Sirius explained loudly running his hands through his hair in frustration "I am that desperate! i want her and if i cant do anything about it. I'm just gonna let her, no, MAKE her come to me."

"But the thing is," Peter started "once that wears off she'll still remember what had happened, could you imaging how horrible she'd feel?"

"No," Sirius said quietly "but by then i think would have some courage to tell her the truth, maybe all i need is for her to make the first move"

"Pathetic" remus blurted out shaking his head "we're are not going to get involved and watch (y/n)'s feelings get crushed because of you. If you haven't noticed, Sirius, She's out friend too"

"You don't have to get involved!," Sirius pleaded "just distract her and her friends while I do the rest. if everything goes to shit, I'll take full responsibility."

Everything went quiet and then James and Peter nodded with Remus reluctantly going along because obviously he has no other choice.

---------------------------------------------------------

Back in the great hall you were eating and chatting with Lily and Marlene sitting across from you, when the marauders came in and went towards you. Sirius and Remus sat on either side of you James sat beside Lily and Peter sat beside Marlene you didn't take notice of this since it wasn't anything suspicious..

"So, Lily.." James started distracting her with whatever came to his mind at the moment. The same happened with peter and Marlene and with Remus and yourself causing you to turn your back at Sirius. working quickly, Sirius un-stoppered the pink, heart shaped vial and poured all of its contents into your cup, and then he cleared his throat making you, along with everyone, look at him.

"Are you alright sirius?" you asked offering him your cup "did you want a drink?"

"Uhh no," sirius said, his wide eyes flitting from a highly amused looking James back to you "no thank you, (y/n) thanks, uhh i just wanted to ask you about your day." he said nervously while focusing on the cup still clutched in your hands.

"Well, i finished the weeks homeworks and finaly reached the end of the book i was reading." you smiled, proud of yourself "all in all it was a pretty good day" you nodded.

Sirius seeing an opportunity in your words got his own cup from the table and raised it high "let's cheers to that then." he smiled brightly that it made you feel all gooey and melted inside. "to a good day," he said.

"To a good day" you replied, taking a sip from your pumpkin juice then making a face that made lily laugh "oh- wow, that was really sweet, what the hell?"

James and the rest of the boys laughed and were suddenly all looking at you expectantly as if you were about to sprout another head.

"What?" you asked them "is there something on my face?" you asked again turning to Sirius who was now clearly buying for your undivided attention. he was now staring at you with his blazing eyes and the smirk that made your knees week.

"Uhh.." you muttered feeling the redness on spread onto you cheeks, losing you train of thought "sirius, why are you looking at me like that?" you asked looking down at you clasped hands on you lap. He reached out and lifted your face with a finger and moved closer till his cheek was touching your temple. "how are you feeling?" he asked shyly, but with an undertone of something that would make you think as if he would've fallen in love with you in a span of 5 minutes, which was impossible because Sirius Black would never look at you that way , you thought, you were only a friend to him, a very close friend, but still just a friend. He leanded back as if to get a good look at you, smirked and licked his lips while looking at yours. he moved closer and closer, holding you gaze until it was almost unbearable not to kiss him. "sirius.." you mumbled. no, you weren't ready for this. if you wanted to kiss him you would do it right. You don't want to be some new name on his list. You looked at him with concern, but his eyes showed something else, pain? anger? sadness? you weren't sure. then you dropped your gaze and turned away from him

his smirk dropped and his brow furrowed looking at all the marauders who were looking just as confused as he was.

"THAT WAS IT?!" sirius exploded, standing up in anger. startling you and the two other girls. Everyone within a five feet radius was gawking at him. You didn't  like the way they were looking at him like he were a crazed animal and you reached out and grabbed his hand which was closed into a fist.

"Sirius" you hissed, pulling at his wrist trying to make him sit "Sirius, please" you pleaded.

"what? what is it? are we missing something?" Marlene asked her eyes moving from one boy to the other.

"n-nothing," said Sirius fuming and looking defeated, shoulders dropping "s'cuse me again" he mumbled walked out of the great hall.

"what's wrong with him?" you accuse the three remaining boys who just shrugged denying having know anything. ------------------------------------------------------

"IT DIDN'T WORK!" shouted Sirius, back at the dorms kicking his bed post till he heard a crack. " HOW - COULD -  IT - NOT - FUCKING - WORK?!" he screamed between kicks.

"Pads, stop it" said Remus on his bed, looking up from the book he was reading "we don't know why it didn't work"

"Maybe the potion was faulty?" peter ,sitting on the floor, suggested looking at a pacing Sirius and at James who was tapping his toes, deep in thought.

"Then she would have been poisoned, wormy" James corrected

"this is bullshit! i all but embarrassed myself in front of her" he said almost pulling on his hair " what, had i just assumed that she wanted to kiss me too? fuck! how'd i become so full of my self?!"

"wow, pads! a brand new self realization" James praised, applauding "we could ask you the same question."

"har har, prongs" sirius said sarcastically

"well," peter started "maybe its because girls are always throwing themselves at you? you've always wanted for nothing when it come to the ladies but now that you've seen a girl you like and shes not like them when it comes to wooing and being wooed. i think you're just looking for a challenge don't you think?"

"i don't think so peter," Remus huffed "if Sirius saw (y/n) as just a challenge he never would lose sleep over her or if he did sleep, wake us up by saying her name over and over." Remus smirked at a snickering James, while Sirius grabbed at his chest, mouth forming a perfect 'o' shape in mock offense.

"excuuuse you moony, i do not sleep talk!" he said dramatically

"yeah you do,"  Remus retorted, earning a murmur of agreement from James and Peter.

"But, i digress," Sirius said taking on a more serious tone "(y/n) isn't just one of the girls i just 'happen to like'," he air quoted and sighed "guys, i think shes the one." ------------------------------------------------------

The next week was bad, heck, it was hell. Sirius had been avoiding you since that night at the great hall and apparently it was bothering you more than you think it would. The boys told you not to worry too much when you asked them, but your gut feeling told you otherwise you hated this, not seeing him except for classes where he deliberately ignored you and also ignoring the pleas of the boys to just tell you how he feels, but he just wasn't ready to face rejection, especially from a girl such as you. Little did he know that he was going to get a wake up call.

But you? you were determined to put a stop to it. you made a plan to go to the boys' dormitory during free period right after potions where professor Slughorn was, coincidentally, teaching the class on, of all things, love potions, in light of the love month.

"Of all the love potions to exist Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in existence. It's considered to be a powerful and highly dangerous potion. Despite its power, Amortentia doesn't create actual love; it's impossible to manufacture or imitate love. The person under the effect of the potion will only hold an obsession for the person who administered it. It has a different aroma for everyone who smells it, reminding each person of the things that they find most attractive, even if the person doesn't acknowledge or is unaware of their fondness for the object of their affection themselves" Slughorn stated. "The effects of the potion on a person are described to be near instantaneous; with the person who drank the potion appearing "pale and sickly" and becoming obsessed with the object of their affections, speaking of them as though "hit by a ray of purest sunlight" and becoming excited or dangerously unstable towards others." he concluded while you and the class busied yourselves with making the said potion, with moony as your partner it wasn't really that difficult since he did all the work.

As you finished and Slughorn has checked all of your cauldrons to make sure that everything was in order, he started asking for volunteers to show how the amortentia potion smelled to different people.

"Ah, (y/n)," slughorn said as he floated towads you, "please do share what you smell in the potion?"

"Oh, okay." you said unsurely, as you closed your eyes and took a whiff of the potion in front on you "er- i smell shampoo, hot chocolate, and smoke.. er- cigarette smoke" you said timidly and looked around and noticing your partner, remus, james and lily, then peter and marlene, were all staring at sirius with knowing smirks and wide eyes. Sirius was looking sheepishly at the ground red faced and flustered, cleared his thoat. Clearly they know something you don't no one seemed to notice this though just you and the marauders.

James raised his hand, an idea sparking in his mind.

"Sir," Potter started, and Slughorn acknowledging "could a love potion be brewed wrong though?" he asked, looking at Sirius " i mean, could you give a person a love potion and not have it work?"

"Ah, my dear boy," Slughorn said, taking in James's question with an utmost amused look, "he potion will not work if and only if the receiver is already in love with the person giving the potion." Slughorn smiled.

With this Sirius' head shot up slack jawed, eyes almost popping out of their sockets, "C-come again, sir?" he stammered.

"You cannot give a person a love potion if they are already in love with you, it will not take effect, mr. black" Slughorn said, and then Sirius, the other marauders, Lily and Marlene were all staring at you in wonder. Wondering what Sirius getting at, but then you mind flashed back to the last encouter you had with Sirius:

'oh- wow, that was really sweet, what the hell?'

          'how are you feeling?'

               'pain? anger? sadness?'

                    'THAT WAS IT?!'

                          "sirius, please"

OH, FUCK.

You were found out, sirius had slipped a love potion in your drink but it hadn't worked for you because you were already in love with him. Your face paled in return and your breaths were becoming more and more shallow by the second. You didn't know what you were feeling, hatred? No, you couldn't possibly hate him.

Betrayal? maybe, why couldn't he have asked you instead.

Confusion? Definitely... you didn't know what was happening, why would Sirius slip a love potion in you juice? could it be possible that--, no.

It couldn't be. Sirius Black wasn't in love with you you were sure of it.

"Miss (y/l/n), are you alright? you look quite pale" Slughorn asked, face full of concern.

"S-sorry, professor, but could i take a trip to the infirmary i feel a bit light headed." You mumbled,staring at the floor. Slughorn nodded and suggest that you take a classmate with you just in case you dint make it to the clinic. Sirius stepped up but you held out you hand to stop him from going any nearer and glared at him "No need, professor, i can do it on my own, thank you" you made your way out of the classroom with a heavy heart, biting your lip to prevent any tears that were threatening to fall.

"(y/n), " Sirius called out, but you pretended not to hear him. He betrayed your trust. Out of all the people, it had to be him, a love potion for crying out loud! What was it he wanted from you?! Did he want you to be another name on his list? Another notch in his bed post? Maybe he likes you? NO! You pushed the thought down while tears streamed down your face as you ran towards the common room, which was thankfully empty when you'd arrive. You hugged yourself around the chest to keep yourself from breaking even more and sat down in front of the fire and let yourself cry.

The portait hole opened and you heard someone enter. Footsteps light as feathers as if the person didn't want to disturb you.

"(y/n)," a voice said, you knew this voice, even when you're asleep you'd know it was him, you were in love with it, relishing the feeling of it wrapping around your name, you stood up but didn't turn to face him, almost begging him with your mind to say your name again. "(y/n), please"

You turned slowly around to face him.

"what, black?" you said, more harshly than you'd intended, he flinched at the sound of disgust of your tone mixing with his last name. You knew he hated his last name, thats why you and your friends rarely use it around him, and now you had said it just to spite him. "a love potion? seriously? how low could you get?" you seethed, he flinched again.

"Please," he pleaded "just let me explain."

"Explain what, Sirius!? That you want me to be one of the girls you'd take to your bed and the leave when you got bored?" you started, the anger rising up from your chest, making you spill more tears, "huh? That after the effects of the potion subsided, you'd blame me for everything, because i was the one all over you, right?"

"no! (y/n), please it isn't like that" sirius was now crying too, pleading to be heard, but you weren't taking any of it. The sight of him crying over you, vulnerable , and shaking was almost too much to handle, almost enough to break you, you almost ran to him and begged for HIS forgiveness, but you stood your ground.

"I'm in love with you, Sirius," his breath hitched at your confession. But you didn't pay him any mind "and i just thought," you paused, taking a deep breath, voice calm and collected, but filled with so much sadness that it broke the boy's heart  "i just thought i had a chance with you, y'know? That if i gave it enough time you'd love me, the way i love you. but, i guess i was wrong." you said through more tears "i was so wrong" you cried, covering your face with you hands to prevent him from seeing you "ugly crying".

"No," he pleaded again walking towards you grabbing hold of your wrists and making you look at him, your confession were the only words he wanted to hear these past few months, but not in this scenario "no, no, (y/n), please, i'm sorry, i was stupid, i'm just so fucking in love with you too, i was desperate, i didn't know what to do, i didn't want to fuck everything up, but right now I'm afraid that's all I've done, please forgive me, (y/n), i love you." Then you felt his strong arms wrap around you in a hug his head falling on your shoulders with him whispering "please" and i'm so sorry" through his tears over and over again.

"No," you said, calming down enough to wrap your hands around his wrists to remove his arms around you and gently push him a foot away from you. He looked as broken as he felt, a shell of the boy you loved but hurt you so bad you weren't sure how to move on from this. You glared at him with cold eyes that would've even stopped tom riddle in his tracks. "You're a fucking lie, Sirius Black." you said through gritted teeth with as much venom as you could spit, walking towards the girl's dormitory leaving an already broken person with an even more broken heart behind staring at the dying fire.

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Days and weeks after the love potion incident, left you broken hearted and empty, you were late for classes, teachers would admonish you for your failing marks, you barely ate and slept, and you spent your free time in the dormitory under the duvet, eyes closed but not sleeping thinking of nothing but him. You loved him and you love him still. But the thought of talking to him made you think that you were being too easy of a target to get hit and get your heart broken even more.

Sirius was the same of not worse, he smelled like fire whiskey going to classes which earned him multiple detentions, being as reckless as ever getting in trouble more than he would like, because in his mind, being busy with detention and getting in trouble would be so much better that doing nothing and being alone with his mind where he can do nothing but think of you. He loved you then ans he loves you still, but you were so adamant on avoiding and ignoring him that he thought better than to try and talk to you again.

These things, however, didn't really go unnoticed by your friends. James, Remus, and Peter called Lily and Marlene to talk about the situation and that they needed a solution and fast. The two groups agreed that at any cost they would get you to talk to each other either whether it ends up the two of you being together or being friends again or not at all.

It was free period and you were back up in the dormitories sulking beneath the sheets when you heard someone clear his throat and knock on the door, wait, his? boys should't be up here, the charm on the stairs--. you sat up seeing who the intruder was or rather, intruders since you saw ol' moony, prongs, and wormtail standing by the door. the smiled at you.

"Hey, (y/n), can we come in?" James asked hesitantly.

"How did yo--"

"Get up the stairs?" remus chuckled "we had Lily and Marls to thank for that, besides we aren't up here with less than good intentions for you, love". Peter nodded and raised his hand in a small timid wave. You smiled a bit but still held your guard up.

"I suppose so," you said amused "well if the stairs couldnt stop you how could i, right?" you said as you sat up, patted on the bed, and bought you knees up to your chest so they would have space to sit on. Remus sat beside you and James and Peter sat by the foot of the bed.

"So," you began "how can i be of service to the marauders, hm?"

"(y/n), we came here because we're worried about you and Sirius." James started. at the mention of his name, you made a face. You expected Lily and Marlene to talk to you about this, but the boys? Never. You'd think they would be out supporting sirius instead.

"Guys, i don't thi--," you started already regretting letting them in.

"Just please hear us out, (y/n)," peter pleaded "we're all friends, we're supposed to look out for each other"

You lips curled downward and you chest felt heavy and you throat felt tight. you wanted someone to talk about what had happened but you didn't really show it since you dint want to bother anybody with your ramblings. "Fine, okay i'll listen" you said after a moment of silence.

"Like we said," James continued "we're worried about the both of you, we know how complicated it is when your friends and there are feelings involved, along with hearts that could be broken."

"Trust us," Moony interrupted with a teasing tone, "we've gone through it with james and lily more times than we'd like to admit".

"Yeah, whatever, Moony," said James rolling his eyes and you let out a small giggle. "Look, what we're trying to say is, we know the situation, but with Sirius, it's different. you know his story and it may not look like it but he is the most fragile out of all of us and we are careful not to break him, but this right now seems to have done it."

"So what you're saying is,"you suggested " that its my fault he's broken? Well excuse me, but the love potion was hardly my--"

"(y/n), will you just shut up for a moment and listen?" james said crossly his eyes shut in frustration.

"James," Remus reprimanded. while you sat there appalled with your mouth open but you complied and the continued.

"He hurt me, James, by betraying my trust." you told him like he was a child not understanding.

"i'm sorry," James said his features softening into a smile. "Sirius told us what you said to him" \

'i'm in love with you, sirius'

"And please believe and trust us when we say that he wasn't lying when he said that he loved you too" Peter continued "and he still does"

"Look, we just want you to hear him out," said Remus "thats all you have to do, just hear him out".

"And i guess he told you guys to talk to me, didn't he?"

"No," said peter, shocked that you come to this conclusion "never, please (y/n), he has no idea about any of this. In fact, Lily and Marls are talking sense into him right now"

This made you stop and think. The quiet seemed to unease the boys.

"(y/n)," remus started, sounding exasperated "He cries, when he thinks we're asleep, and even when he does sleep your name is all we ever hear from him. You're the only person he used to talk about, wouldn't shut up about you, really. He thinks you're the one that he would spend the rest of his life with taking him for who he is. But the after the fight, he started to retreat within himself. It was like the time he ran away from home, all over again. Honestly, (y/n) it's like the dementors got to him."

"HE LOOKS LIKE REMUS AFTER A FULL MOON!" Peter blurted out

"Alright alright, i get it!" you said raising your hands in surrender "I'll listen to him, and what he has to say, but he only gets this one chance" you warned

"One chance is all he needs, love" remus said, and with that he took your hand and lead you out of the dorm within the hall towards the stairs. The common room was empty, save for one figure that sparked a familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach. Sirius black was facing the fire place, his back turned towards you.

'he's thinner than the last time i saw him,' you thought as you decended the stairs 'hasn't he been taking care of himself?'

Concern overrode the feeling of anger towards the boy. You reached the bottom steps and walk towards him with feather light steps afraid you'd startle him. You stopped a few feet behind him and you cleared your throat. He turned around and when he caught sight of you, He looked at you like you shone brighter than the sun, and his face dropped and he looked and felt like he might start crying again but he took a deep breath and controlled himself.

"(y/n)," he said with as much adoration as he felt for you, tears brimming up in his eyes "thank you, for agreeing to hear me out. i wasn't planning on talking to you because i was afraid hurting you, but Marls and Lily got to me".

"You look like shit, black" you said and it was true, his cheekbones were protruding and his eyes were sunken and it was like all the color has gone from his face and lips. The boys were right, he was dead on his feet. You smiled timidly at him to indicate that you were calm and ready to listen to him and he let out a laugh that sounded like he got winded.

"Please sit, (y/n)" he said waving to the chairs and you sidestepped him to sit on your spot beside the fire place and became extremely shocked when Sirius approached and kneeled in front of you with the most sincere look on his face .

"(y/n)," he said you name like his life depended on it, voice cracking. "I-i'm so sorry, i dont.. know if you'd ever forgive me, i was a fool, i was being stupid, i was so scared that you didn;t feel the same way  about me... i don't see you as one of the other girls out there,no. You're nothing like them. They all mean nothing to me. But you, you're everything and more." he said tears finally spilling from his eyes, chest tight and gasping for breath. "I love you so much, (y/n). i didn't know what to do because i didn't want fuck anything up by opening my stupid mouth and saying something i know I'll regret." and now you were crying too because, shit! Sirius Black is on his knees professing his undying love for you. something you've wanted ever since third year not knowing that it was what he wanted too.

"Sirius," you gasped, reaching out and you cupped his face with your hand and he leaned into your touch like it was the most amazing feeling, because for him it was. He covered your hand with his and he sobbed harder. Seeing Sirius break down in front of you was hard to watch. It broke your heart but for you it also solidified the fact that he was head over heals in love with you just like the boys had said. "i-i forgive you.. sirius" you said and it made him cry even harder and shocking you by wrapping his arms around your waist burying his head in your lap, half whispering, half crying his 'i'm sorry's' and 'thank yous'. After a few minuted he seemed to have calmed down enough to lift up his head and look you in the eyes. Honestly, he looked like a fucking mess. Tear streaks, and snot-faced you reached into your pocked at pulled out a hankie and proceeded to clean him up.

"thank you, love" he sniffled. You grabbed his elbows and led him to stand up with you. Then you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him toward you breathing in his scent, memorising and re-memorizeing, each heartbeat felt by both of you, and he seemed to be doing the same with his face now buried in your neck with his arms wrapped around you so tight as if you'd disappear the moment he let go.

"I love you, (y/n)" he said after a few monents, his voice muffled by your hair "i love you, so much". You pulled his arms down, forcing him to let go of you. Then you grabbed him, you hands on either side of his face and stared at him, his gray eyes burning with passion stared right back into yours.

"And I love you, sirius" you declared "more than you know." then he moved closer to you, your eyes closing automatically as his forehead touched yours.

"(y/n)?" he asked for permission. "can i--"

You didn't let him finish, instead you closed the small distance by pressing your lips onto his. The kiss was careful, calculated but it burned with a passion that you only read in story books, igniting the fire that had you thought had died the night you had fought with him, even that now seemed to be a distant memory compare to what was happening right now. He slid his had onto the crook of your nape to deepen the kiss and then hummed with satisfaction. Then the two of you broke apart soaking each other up like each was your own personal sun. He pressed his lips to yours again in quick kisses but full on love, once.. twice. the third, was the kiss that set off the fireworks in your mind, it was the you've been dreaming of all this time, except this was better.

"Be mine, Sirius," you asked him, pleading "please tell me you'll be mine".

"i was always yours, love," he replied "and i will always be yours, until the sun and the moon appear in the sky together."

"Always so dramatic, Sirius?" you laughed

Slow clapping from the stairs startle the both of you causing you to break apart, but still holding onto each other. james, remus and peter, were still perched on the top of the stairs of the girls dormitory, and lily and marlene were on the boys' dorms.

"Well done, mate!" James praised " thought you'd never stop bawling."

"Yeah, we thought we had to look at your depressed face for the rest of our lives," Remus smiled with obvious relief

Then James turned to lily "it'll be your turn next" he said making kissy faces and at, that the charm that was put on the stairs broke and the steps flattened turning it into a slide which took the three boys down.

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirus #harry potter #james potter #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #lily evans #lily potter #marlene mckinnon