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#that this issue isnt about me calling out this is about you kicking me out

fangirlstorycreator · 4 months

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CK Terry Silver X Reader

Context: First you were enemies....but now he was about to be your lover...😏 Part 1??

You were so confused when you got a call from your cousin Johnny, especially when he asked you to come down and visit him in LA, you hadn't spoken to him in a long time. But when you guys did see eachother after a long time, it was like being around a brother, he was a funny and very simple guy, and he did make you laugh. He didn't say why he wanted you to come and visit him, just that it was an emergency. You booked some time from your work and made your way down to LA to see Johnny, you were booked up in a really nice hotel during your stay so you felt nice and comfortable, for some reason you could never sleep properly in someone elses house. After you got your things unpacked, you left the hotel and made your way to a coffee shop that Johnny told you about, it wasn't that far thankfully. You entered the coffee shop and see Johnny sat next to someone who looked a little familiar, but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. "Y/N!" Johnny shouted as be ran over to you, pulling you in for an enthusiastic hug. "Hey Johnny! It's great to see you too" "I'm so glad you came, we really need your help" "We?" He smiled and lead you over to the table, and that's when you recognise who is sat there. "Oh my god, Daniel Larusso!" "Hey Y/N, it's good to see you" He smiled and stood up to give you a hug too before you all took a seat at this little coffee table by the window. "Wow Daniel, it's been so long since I last saw you. What on earth is the reason your hanging out with this loser?" "Screw you Y/N, I ain't no loser!" "Maybe when you can win a karate fight against me, then I can call you something else. It's not my fault you can't take me" "Yeh yeh your so funny Y/N" You and Johnny shared a look and laughed, you guys were always playful together. "So Daniel, why are you hanging out with Johnny? The last time I saw you both together you were in that tournament" "Me and Johnny have had our differences and issues yes, but we've put that behind us and we are working together to keep miyagi do a float" "Oh I remember miyagi do, it was always a lovely environment there. So you've both taken it over?" "Yes, its had its ups and downs, but were trying" "That's great to hear. So? Why did you ask me to come down hear Johnny? What's going on that you need help with?" Johnny and Daniel share a concerned look, and Johnny looks back at you with a serious expression.

"Y/N, do you remember a guy called sensei John Kreese?" "Do I? He was an #sshole who acted like a psycho. Is he still around?" "Hey was...but it seems that he wasn't the one we had to worry about" "What do you mean?" "You see, Kreese brought back cobra kai when Daniel opened Miyagi do, and lots of sh#t happened that we don't really have time to explain. Let's just say, sh#t hit the fan! Anyway, Kreese needed help after his first attempt at reopening cobra kai didn't work, and that's where HE came into the picture" "I'm sorry, HE?" "Daniel sat up a little to face you. "Johnny is talking about a guy called Terry Silver, this guy made Kreese look like a picture of serenity, and Kreese is a god damn psychopath! He trained me years ago, and he tried to turn me into something I wasn't, he even trained me to a point where he made my knuckles bleed" "Oh my god that sounds awful! So this Terry guy came back and made everything worse for you guys?" Johnny nods "He did, he's planning on making cobra kai dojo's all over the valley, and we entered a tournament recently and we lost the chance to run miyagi do. His main dojo isnt far from hear, and he is running the place with a new sensei, and she is dangerous" "But I still don't know why you asked me down hear" "I invited you down hear to see if you could help us in our fight against Terry Silver. I've been in a fight with him myself, and f#ck me that old b#stard can kick! He's the strongest around and noone can take him down. That's why I invited you back Y/N....your the only one who can take him down" "What? Why do you think that?" "Y/N, you've trained your entire life to be the sensei you are today, and strangely, both you and Silver have trained and mastered the same karate style and had the same master. But you have way more experience that he does, he has only mastered that fighting skill, and he's dangerous. But YOU! You've mastered that style, plus you've mastered tae kwan do, capoeira, krav maga, kang soo do AND bojutsu! You even know weaponry! That's f#cking awesome! And Terry would shiver at the thought of you" "Daniel? What are your thoughts on this?" "We had discussed having a plan B for incase something was to go wrong and we needed help, even after we asked Chozen for help, he managed to figure out that we were trying to play him. But now, we have to think about the safety of our families, and that's where you as our plan B comes in. Your the only one strong enough and clever enough to face him, and you have the intellect to put him in his place if he tries to manipulate us"

"Daniel's right, I've never known anyone who can stop you physically or intellectually Y/N. I mean you can be a right pain in the ass! But your still our best hope at helping us. So the question is, will you help us?" "Before I give you an answer, I need more details about this Terry guy" "What do you want to know?" "Well firstly, Daniel you said that he taught you when you were younger, so he must be much older than us?" Johnny smirks and says "That ancient piece of sh#t has got to be in his late fifties maybe early sixties" "So quite a bit older then" "Don't let that fool you Y/N, he managed to kick my ass once when me, him and Kreese saw eachother in the old dojo. He may be old, but f#ck me he can kick!" "So he's very strong then? I like a challenge. So what exactly would I be doing?" Daniel takes a sip of his coffee then says "Its mostly for protection Y/N, he has threatened to hurt my family and has already tried with Johnny's. There is this charity event for some bonsai tree's tomorow, and unfortunately I've been told it's being held at Terry's home. All I would need you to do is come with me and Amanda, and if Terry tries any manipulation tactics, I would just ask for your support, to show him that he can't do anything when your around. Make him feel scared for once" "I can absolutely do that for you Daniel, from the way you've described him, I already know how he might behave. He's showing the rest of the world how (nice) he is while you guys see the real him, I know how to go about men like that. What time do you need me ready tomorow?" "Oh thank you so much Y/N, it's at 1.30. You can catch a lift with me and Amanda if you like?" "That's a kind offer Daniel, but I'm going to make my own way up there, I have an idea how I can play this, I'll just need the address"

The next day, you take a taxi up to the address you were given, prepared for anything that might happen there. You wore this beautiful mixed coloured dress that really accentuated your body shape, but little did everyone else know, this dress was hiding something amongst itself that only you knew about...something that would warn this Terry Silver, not to mess with you.

You are lead through this very neat and tidy modern house, full of greys and silvers for decorations. Whoever this Terry was, certainly liked his style in a certain way. You followed many people who walked through the house to all meet by this enormous outside pool, were there were chairs already set up and little areas to get yourself a drink or a snack. "Y/N, your finally hear" Daniel said as he came and greeted you. "Hi Daniel, am I late?" "No not at all, I was just worried you had changed your mind about this while thing that's all" "No need to worry about that Daniel, I'm still more than happy to help you and your family" A lady had called out to everyone to take their seats, as everyone does, you sit beside Amanda, Daniel's wife as Daniel stands up at the front to talk to everyone. They start the bidding, and many people make lovely offers, you were planning on making an offer too, but you were just waiting for the right moment. The highest it had got to was $5000, and just before the lady accepted, a voice from a few seats behind you said "$30.000 dollars" Everyone was shocked at that price, and when you turned around to see who it was, you see this very handsome and quite sophisticated looking older gentleman. He wore a beautifully tailored suit, he had his silver hair in a neat and tidy pony tail, a smug look on his face, and the money to go with it? This had to be Terry Silver, and little did he know, you still hadn't placed a bit yet...

"$30.000 from Mr-" "$45.000 dollars" You proudly say as you raise your card, everyone gasps in amazement, and it appears that you had cought Terry's attention too. "Sold! To the young lady in the 3rd row!" They clap for you as you stand up to speak at the front with Daniel, one of the ones clapping is Terry, with an amused smirk on his face, you definitely intrigued him. Daniel shakes your hand "Thank you very much miss L/N for your generous donation for all these bonsai trees" "Oh it's my pleasure Mr Larusso, I adore bonsai trees and I'm excited to be caring for these ones just like I have with many others I've had over the years" Everyone claps again before the auction stops and you, Daniel and the lady running it go somewhere private to take care of the money. About half an hour later, you and Daniel are back and meet up with Amanda who is enjoying a drink, you and Daniel have one too. A lady calls Amanda over to her so she politely leaves you both to say hello, so now it's just you and Daniel. "I can't believe you spent that much on those bonsai trees, plus, you went 15 grand over Terry's bid! I wasn't expecting that" "So that WAS Terry? I thought as much. Plus what I said about the bonsai trees was true, I've had many over the years. Charity will always have a helping hand from me" Daniel's face suddenly changed from happy to concern, and you were about to find out why.

"Good afternoon Daniel, it's a pleasure as always to see you again" "Terry...." "How are you enjoying my home?" "It's a house, I'm not that impressed" "That's what you say....oh how rude of me, I still haven't introduced myself to this lovely young lady hear" Terry says with a charming smile, holding his hand out to you. You smile back and give him your hand, to which he gives you a kiss on the back of it. "My name is Terry Silver"

"It's nice to meet you, my name is Y/N L/N" "What a beautiful name, and I must say, I'm very glad you came to this auction today" Daniel looks wound up by this, he knows Terry is trying to manipulate you, but your one step ahead. "Oh really? And why would that be Mr Silver?" "Well, not only have I never met a woman more radiant as you, but you did something today that noone else has done....you've suprised me" "Have I indeed?" Terry chuckles, smirking at Daniel too. "You certainly have....would you care for me to show you around my home? I'm sure you would enjoy it" "Do you show all the ladies hear around your home Mr Silver?" "Oh no, just you Miss L/N....So?" "While that's a kind offer, I'm actualy in the middle of a conversation with Mr Larusso hear" "Ah yes, Daniel....I'm not sure your aware of this miss L/N, but Mr Larusso hear probably isn't someone you would like to associate with"

"Oh really?" You ask, acting in the way he'd expect you too. "Is there something about you I don't know Mr Larusso?" Daniel knows your acting, but he plays along with you. "I-" "Oh don't feel embarrassed to tell this lovely woman Daniel....you shouldn't feel too ashamed of your past. You see miss L/N, Daniel hear used to run a dojo, just like the one I run right now. But...I'm afraid Mr larusso's ego got the better of him, and he challenged me and the wonderful children in my dojo to a tournament. The poor children of miyagi do were pushed to the limit of what they could do, and they suffered for it. It's a shame Daniel wasn't the sensei they needed" Daniel's blood was boiling now, he wanted to hit Terry so much.

"So you see Miss L/N, I have this wonderful home and a dojo for the children who deserve a real sensei. To guide them and show them how to become the best of the best. I think you should choose your company more carefully...you don't want to befriend the wrong sort around hear" "Terry I swear-" "Oh ho ho! Sorry Daniel, did that strike a nerve? I apologises for bringing up your mistakes, I'm sure Miss L/N understands that not everyone is cut out to be a sensei" This was enough now, no more playing the unknowing lady, Terry was pushing his luck.

"I do believe your right Mr Silver, from what you have said about Daniel hear I do believe I need to be a better judge of character" Terry smiles and looks at Daniel with this manipulative little stare. "I suppose I should really spend more time with a man like you Mr Silver" "I couldn't agree more" "Yes....a man who thinks that he can con the world with his smooth words and intelligence" Daniel smiles, and Terry's face slowly drops from a happy smirk, to one of confusion. "I beg your pardon Miss L/N?" "Oh I am sorry, was I not being clear enough. Please allow me to make it clearer for you. Your a con man Mr Silver, a man who will go to any lengths to make sure his true persona is hidden from the rest of the world, because instead of people being impressed by the man you pretend to be, the real you would just bore the undying hell out of people. They would pity you, feel sorry for you, and not see the manipulative character you play when others are around you" Again Daniel smiles, he is loving every moment of this. "So your right, I should make sure I know who to not be around and accociate my time with, and you are the one that's definitely at the top of that list. I will not associate with a man who drives a poor young boy to the point of pain, shame and actualy bodily harm, just to help an old friend from the army days. Making a child's knuckles bleed is abusive and manipulative, every time you think of that I truly hope shame is etched in your mind. You lie and scheme your way though everything just so your can have things your way, so you can be in control. To the point where you threated and attack innocent people like Daniel hear, or Robbie Keen, or Johnny Lawrence! How does it feel knowing there is someone out there who sees through your lies? Through this facade?"

You ask with a smirk.....Terry is stunned at first, but it seems now he knows your not just some innocent person who's wondered into the wrong conversation. "Well well Miss L/N, I'm guessing there's more to you than meets the eye? Your not hear today by coincidence are you?"

"Oh! So you can use your brain then?" You ask in a sarcastic way, making Daniel snort a little. Terry chuckles and runs his hand over his chin, looking around to make sure noone is close or looking over. "I should have known you were hear helping Daniel, he's never been able to truly defend himself" "Defending himself is one thing....when he has to protect his family that's another thing entirely.....you really think it's wise to threaten Daniel's family?" "I can do what I wish, I'm looking out for the future of my dojo" "Never have I ever heard more b#llsh#t than I have from what your spewing out of that poisonous mouth of yours" That took Terry by suprise, he's not used to being spoken to like this at all. "I do like you miss L/N....so why don't you do yourself a favour and stay out of this little disagreement me and Danny boy hear have together" "Aww, that's not going to happen I'm afraid, nice try though, very threatening. I was almost scared then, oh wait? Your threats mean nothing to me" Terry smiles and takes a step closer to you and Daniel, staring at you with those pale blue sapphire eyes. "You have no idea what a sensei like me can do, sensei's have many capabilities"

"Do they? Oh dear, maybe I should be more careful around someone who can fight.....hahaha! I'm sorry I couldn't keep a straight face there" Terry has no idea why your laughing, so Daniel says "Terry, YOU have no idea what sensei's are capable of....sensei's like Y/N" Terry's face changes "Your a sensei?" "You seem suprised by that Mr Silver? I know this dress doesn't exactly look like a GI-" "What are you trained in then? A little tae kwando?" You smirk and fold your arms at him, and Daniel says "She HAS mastered tae kwando Terry" "I knew it-" "Ah ah ah, not just that though. I'm guessing your old master didn't mention any other students he's taught then? Oh yeh, my mistake, he taught Y/N AFTER you" "You?.....Your master was-" "Master Kim Sung-Yung?" You say in response. "Yes that's right, he was my master. Oh! Correction, my first master. You see, once I had been fully trained by Master Kim Sung-Yung, I moved onto other forms of martial arts, like Bojutsu for example, oh that's my favourite by far" Terry starts to look a little nervous now, though he's trying to hide it. "What else was there? Oh yes, I've also mastered capoeira, krav maga. My skills in Kand Su Do are just one of the many skills I have......so if I were you....Terry....I'd be very careful, and choose YOUR company more carefully"

Check. Terry hasn't won this round, but he was going to try one last tactic. "Your a very strong and clever woman Y/N, I can't deny that. But you can't win against me, I've made a reputation hear, all these people hear are stupid enough to believe me. And why wouldn't they? I'm the man who gives to the community, offers lessons to children who need it, a shining example to the community. All these idiots hear would never believe you if you tried to say anything about me, neither of you have any proof, and I'll continue to do as I wish....noone is going to stop me" You can't help but chuckle, Daniel looks worried, but you give him a trustworthy look. "I see Terry....it seems there's really no tricking you is there?" "That's right" "And noone would believe me if I told everyone hear what you really think of them, and how cunning you are" "Absolutely" "You've got me there....(clearing your throat) Oh, I just have one question Terry, do you like my dress?" He smirks and looks you all over, like your a masterpiece. "It looks stunning on you, like it was made to be worn by a goddesses" "Oh my, your so kind" Daniel has no idea what your up to, but you give him a sly wink. "I'm so glad you like it Terry, I like it too. The colours, the material....oh! And this little part right hear....can you see this?" You say pointing to a very well hidden little shiny bead right inbetween your cleavage on the dress. "This Terry, is my little camera. I hope you don't mind that I'm wearing it, it complimented the dress you see" Terry's face drops, he's been caught out. "After my discussion with Daniel the other day, and my cousin. I thought it was necessary to bring this little camera along with me, and you walked into my trap beautifully"

Daniel cant help but smile smugly, finaly having the upper hand over Terry Silver. "Why don't you consider this a warning Mr Silver....you don't go near Daniel and his family, you stay away from my cousin and his family, oh did I mention Johnny Lawrence was my cousin? And I don't take to kindly to people assaulting my family members. So? Are you going to be a good boy and do as your told? Because if you misbehave, I might just have to release this little video of you admitting what you are really like. What you think of all these people, what you do to make everything go your way, and of course your threatening behaviour towards innocent people" Terry stares at you in stunned silence, unable to think of anything to say to you, you have him in the palm of your hand and he didn't like it. "Daniel, shall we have another drink? I can see champagne over there" "That sounds great" Daniel says to you, you smile as you both walk away from Terry, but you rest your hand on Terry's arm just before walking away, and whisper to him. "You've been used to being top dog around hear Mr Silver, well now there's someone who will happily knock you down if needs to be. I'm an understanding woman Terry, and consider this whole situation, me being kind. Because if you do anything to hurt anyone else.....I might just take after your slogan.....and I will show YOU no mercy. Do have a good day, you have got a lovely home" And just like that, you walk away towards Daniel and Amanda to have a drink, leaving Terry by himself. He's fuming and hates that he wasn't able to manipulate you or wind up Daniel, you were a whole other challenge.....a challenge he was happy to except. He turned around to look over at you and Daniel, anger was there, but it was replaced with something else....a smile? But why?....

After everyone had left the charity event at Terry's house, you made your way back to Daniel and Amanda's home along with Johnny. Daniel was over the moon with how you handled Terry. "How in the hell did you manage to get a camera that small onto your dress Y/N?" "I have many talents Daniel, and if Terry pushes his luck, he'll find that out the hard way" Johnny smirks and runs his hand across his jaw line. "Am I the only one hear who wants to see that ancient piece of sh#t push his luck?" All three of you chuckle, before Daniel looks at you with sincere appreciation. "You know Y/N, I'm so thankful you agreed to help us with Terry, I think he's met his match with you. If today was anything to go buy, I'm really hoping he will stay away" "I hope so too, and if he doesn't....trust me when I say that I will bring Terry Silver to his knees...."

..............................................................................................

To anyone reading this story, I wanted to post it and let you decide if you want more. There is more to the story which I'm happy to write, I just wanted to post this part and find out if anyone would like to read anymore of this story, and of course I would write a steamy part too as it's an enemies to lovers idea. Just let me know and I'll see what I can do, thank you 💚

#sensei targaryen #terry silver #cobra kai #terry silver x reader

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zelenbug · 6 months

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me and my friends came up with an incredible interpretation of raymesis and glombrox which makes them really good to put into situations LET ME RAMBLE ABOUT THEM AT LENGTH THEYRE LIKE THE FUNNIEST GUYS EVER

raymesis is a Giant Petty Loser. for reasons unknown to everyone (even to himself) he HATES rayman SO BAD, he believes hes raymans greatest rival, and and he is obsessed with trying to soil his reputation or at least mess with him by pulling things on him

he never succeeds bc hes also the unluckiest person in the glade. he would try to sneak in and try and explode rayman with cartoon dynamite while hes not looking but ends up tripping over the wire and exploding himself. that type of stuff

one particular method he tries to mess with rayman is by pulling various bad things (kicking over a trash can! oh no!) and then trying to convince everyone he IS rayman. it Never Works. everyone can tell hes some other guy

oh yeah also what makes him even more mad is the fact that nobody really even knows who he is. every time he announces to rayman's face hes his greatest rival rayman just goes "wait really? i dont rememeber you" and continues to be nice to him and that makes him Livid

raymesis would actually do this pose and think that makes him super cool. he wears embarassing gamer shirts unironically. hes such a loser that literally god himself calls him ugly

glombrox was never "a hero" or "possessed by darktoons" he is Just Like That. like a lot characters in my interpretations kept being bullied as a kid but glombrox is the one who Bullied others as a kid. he gets a kick out of messing with everyone, he views everyone basically the same (acceptable targets for kicking) which includes raymesis

he just nonchalantly decides to play basketball with a teensy instead of a ball, he would do the exact same things to lums that lividngstones do. he goes to the docks at sea of serendipity and does this to all red wizards

he doesnt do any elaborate pranks he just shoves people or kicks them around or whatever. that said, you wouldnt be able to tell by looking at him or how he acts, but hes actually surprisingly clever/smart at times

glombrox also has the complete opposite issue from raymesis. being that he literally wont stop being mistaken for globox, having a basically identical shape and voice, and its not helped by the fact that globox and his kids also find it acceptable to slap people for fun (actually for fun with no mean intent)

nobody catches onto the fact that hes so mean and still keep mistaking him for someone whos the complete opposite of mean! they just thank who they THINK is globox but isnt!!! he has a personal vendetta against globox because of it, but not remotely to the same extent as raymesis' whole thing. hes just extra mean to globox when he comes across him but globox is like "hi me : )" and just takes it all as a fun thing which doesnt help matters

their dynamic is basically wario and waluigi in warios warehouse (raymesis is waluigi) except if they didnt live together and wario had no idea who mario and luigi were beyond getting mistaken for mario one billion times which makes him mad

raymesis mostly just drags glombrox along for his Evil Plans, taking advantage of what everyone keeps thinking he is, and glombrox just goes along mostly because he thinks itd be funny. theyre technically friends but in some messed up way and would gladly insult each other

glombrox himself takes advantage of the fact that raymesis fully believes that glombrox is his great trusty sidekick (which he isnt). also he just comes to raymesises dingy apartment and raids his fridge and occupies literally the entire couch to watch tv

Heres some incorrect quotes (from here) to describe all of these fools further (though rayman would Not swear in the first one he would just be like "huh what??")

also this one but i actually put names in there

bonus:

murfy counterpart to raymesis and glombrox is the guy who wrote the manual. hes nicer than murfy is he just doesnt appreciate murfys comments about the manual. raymesis thought it was a Great Idea to drag him along with him and glombrox on occacion. but he doesnt actually want to get involved he wants to write for gods sake

teesny counterpart would just be ales honestly but ales doesnt like to associate with these other losers (despite being one himself and also being comically petty about being bullied as a kid) so he usually doesnt

#rayman

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itspyon · 3 months

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respectfully i disagree, abusing exploits seem like healthy competitiveness to you? i think we shouldn't be defending toxicity just because the event is competitive. Also this isnt an average mc event its a mr beast challenge where obviously they expect players to also focus on content you know

many things, long post

abusing exploits on competitive events gets done all the time and it's presumed to be part of them. even in vanilla minecraft, or from my direct experience in competitive counter strike, you assume they will exist and you assume people will use them. because the bar for "exploits" varies from person to person in terms of their skill level, and simple things as redstone machinery to map holeing and jumping are seen as "exploits", as they are "unexpected" to the rhythm of the competition

the "abuses exploits" in the comp scene gets used under very specific circumstances ( external modding ), and the way they try to pose das as a cheater for simply knowing mc better than the rest ( or continuing to play the game because the server didn't kick him ?) is ill intended. i will not side with that type of behavior ever, in the same way i will not defend mod exploits. ( and whether he actually used any exploits or not is still up for debate, because according to him, he was simply aware it happened. the rest of the lobby whose deaths didn't count were exploiting it )

the entire situation is completely mishandled. telling someone that they are "trying too hard" to win 50k is deranged to me. i do not like das, i find him an odd personality and i know very well how he behaves. but i will not sit here and pretend all of this is fine. if jimmy beast didn't want pro players in his events, he shouldn't have "given him cord" as we say. it should have been a thing from the get-go. and if it was a problem the first time around, they shouldn't have kept him around for several events

cool, das is bad content. i agree, he is bad content. that doesn't excuse the way they are going about it. because they are utilising a shift in comp culture we have actively tried to work against, and this will not end in das. look at how ded behaved. look at how crisgreen behaved. i will not sit here and cheer for this, because this will impact the creators i like, and at the trickle down, it will impact me in my own games

this isn't toxicity. they wanted a pro player to give them content, and when he was the average pro player that is simply hyperfocused and not good content at all, they threw in the "toxic" label and said " idk you're banned figure it out " instead of being honest the first time around and saying " we want players that are more entertaining, sorry "

and we have a LONG issue with this. go look at what happened to hannah two days ago. go look at what certain butthurt male hispanic streamers said about her. it's the same fucking speech. too competitive, too toxic, this is a community event they shouldn't be here

we have been warning about this for YEARS. that using "competitive" as a label for just normal ass events ( yes this includes charity events ) would end up forcing pro players to make themselves worse, and that it would disproportionately affect women in the scene. in the same way pro sports are called "elitist" for requiring proof of skill, pro players are called "toxic" for doing the one thing they know how to do. that they have 10k 20k hours of practice on

i do not care for das one bit beyond him being a good player in the community. that's it. i don't like his playstyle and i don't enjoy his behavior. that doesn't make him toxic, or a cheater, or anything else. he's by all means the average pro player. seen them before will continue to until the end of time. but just because i don't like him doesn't mean i'll sit here cheering for the culture shift we have been fighting against because it hit someone i don't enjoy

fuck the guy for all i care. but don't invite pro players to your events and not expect them to try and win. by all means, ban them preemptively if necessary, we have never cared about that, we think it's fine, we have our own events ( that get massively shittalked too but alas ). don't bring the literal top 1% of players to your events and get offended they do good

#longest fucking post of life i'm sorry anon #i understand your point this is simply a matter of context #pyon askies #pyon long post

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nebs-shitposts · 6 days

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can we talk about how the doctor is actually kind of a huge dick to everyone or are we just gonna keep pretending he's the perfect example of goodness and heroicism. hes not.

he treats people like theyre below him. unless youre the ONE person he fixates on and decides you're special. (and this includes trios! like he treated rory ?? so horribly?? and mickey too!! and fucking nardole) when he gets vengeful you really see it come out. he's spiteful and merciless and honestly half the time what he's doing is not even GOOD morally. he decides that he gets to make the call for the future of literally entire races. why?? bc he lived through a war? thats fucking pompous of him. and not even just that he makes SO many awful comments, even to his companions, idek why half of them put up with it. imho eleven is the highest offender. twelve gets a pass bc he has his grumpy grandpa shtick and we all know he doesn't actually mean it 😭 but his issues were far worse than just being bitchy. i mean. damn bro the toxic codependency really isnt it.

i couldnt even start with thirteen. the show LOVES to pretend like she's all knowing and that everything she does is perfect. at least everyone else got kicked off their pedestal and the show addressed their moral failings. but thirteen was the worst as far as her problem solving skills, but none of it got addressed :||

i love this show and have since i was a literal child but fr rewatching it makes me feel so manipulated bc i used to idolize him but like, he's not a good person?? and i really REALLY enjoy how much the show plays with morality and let's them REALLY have their values and boundaries tested (pre chibnall) and it really shows how his cocky ass holier-than-thou thing is really just meant to mask how much he fails and hurts people.

#(re)watching s3 rn #i already know 11's an asshole but damn #ten needs to SIT DOWN bro you're not special 😭 u dont get to treat people like that #thank god Martha's not dumb and could see right through it #and yeah no this isnt a critique on the writing more so the perception we have of the doctor as an audience #even after his character growth he still does some dickish things and i lowkey like.. dont like him?#as a character i mean #but i really ADORE the story regardless yk #nuwho #doctor who #doctor who critique #doctor who discourse

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pawbeanies · 29 days

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tagged by: @emo-mmy !!! hi!!! running around in circles around you thank you for the taggg

im. putting this under a readmore because i realized i like talk so much and then i got embarrassed because this is so long and silly and i go on a billion tangents. tagging games fun though !!!

last song:

covering my face with my sleeve paws i may be silly. lately i am getting into vkei bc beloved people in my life are like "you would like it!!!" and i DO !!! this specific song is actually a cover of the op of the 80s rose of versailles anime which like is in itself a whole other fun thing to talk about because of its like influence but like OK its a good somg. its a good cover. lareine is no longer together but like the members have gone on to do other stuff !!!!

favorite color: pink and blue !! i am indecisive and it swaps... but i like those the most

currently watching: sara z's video on dear evan hansen!! for some reason. my yt algorithm is like all musical theatre videos. or episodes of kitchen nightmares. i don't even think i'm all that into theatre but i like listening to people who know more tear into it

last movie: i was like in agony trying to remember what the last movie i watched was and then i remembered. its twilight. it was twilight. im on a vampire kick right now it seems (but also it was like at a friends house and i was only half watching because they brought their pet rabbit out to hang out with us and i was playing with it the whole time and it was BITING ME !!!!) (but also i was like locked in for the baseball scene. the best scene in all of cinema.)

sweet/spicy/savory: cruel i cannot choose one... trapped between sweet and savory because while i love spicy things i cannot handle them ...... i feel like i like sweet things sliiightly more but. hmhm. like when you eat too many sweet things you end up wanting something savory yknow .....

relationship status: single ........... there is an obvious reason why i think you can tell from my posting (its that im annoying and do not shut the fuck up .........)

current obsession: unfortunately the vampire book series i have been like talking about so much, silver under nightfall and its sequel court of wanderers !! i am thinking of what i wouldve done differently in the sequel fkskfksf (also coming to the horrid realization that they were like setting up pegging but i dont think my guys ever got pegged. whats the point. truly. heres my editors notes. why didnt the main character get pegged? like theres so many things that were set up and mentioned and that didnt come to fruition and thats not my only critique its not JUST about pegging. but the lack of pegging is like representative of many of the issues i have with the book. why didnt he get pegged. they bring it up MULTIPLE times and yet we never saw the strap. they describe it in universe as being "shafted" and YEAH i certainly feel shafted !!! i need answers!!!!!!!! im OPENING my googledocs and writing the fic where he gets pegged !!!!!) this will like pass in a couple days im sure. i think. i hope

um also my fun game blorbos i think. yah

last thing i googled: "pin feathers" like the kind that birds have !! i dont remember the context anymore but they're like. developing feathers on a bird and sometimes they have BLOOD in them and then they are called blood feathers isnt that cool... i wish i was a bird

tagging: not tagging anyone in particular because i'm nervous about tagging people fksjkf BUT if you see this and you wanna do it please pretend like i am !!! tagging you !!! do these !!!!!!!! im tagging you in spirit if you want to do these. tagging you with. my mind. yipee

#pawbeanies lore #tag games #hiiii i love TALKING and going on 29000000 tangents. sorry

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mj-iza-writer · 8 months

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"Ok Whumpee, I have the tub fully prepared for you to soak", Caretaker stood in front of the shaking Whumpee.

"Do I have to do this, I'm already clean", Whumpee gave a pitiful look, "Nurse Jen legit just finished helping me shower."

"Yes, I know you've had several showers since we've gotten you from Whumper, and we finally got all of the dirt off, this isnt about being clean though", Caretaker removed their gloves, "none the less I've noticed you've stayed clear of the tub, and looking through Whumper's journals says he's done some bad things to you in a tub."

Whumpee nodded, "I don't want to be in the bathtub, I'm fine with showers."

"Five minutes", Caretaker crossed their arms, "there is lavender and Epsom salt, the bath will probably feel good on your bruised skin, just soak in it for five minutes, then I'll leave you alone for tonight, we can even have a movie night when Nurse Jen leaves."

Whumpee looked at them in shock, "five minutes?"

"Yes, but you have to actually sit in the bath water, you know soak", Caretaker opened the door to the bathroom, "do you want to try this by yourself or should I get Nurse Jen to help you?"

Whumpee frowned, knowing they had just planned on standing in the water and kick around so it sounded like they were in there, "I'll go by myself", they grumbled.

"Ok, I'll be down the hall if you need me", Caretaker smiled, "I will knock on the door when the five minutes are up so you know you can get out, let me know when you're in the water, and I'll start the timer."

"Ok", Whumpee nodded.

The door was closed now. They slowly pulled off their robe, they spotted themselves in the mirror and looked away. They inched closer to the tub, they could smell the lavender, they felt the water. It sent chills up their spine, it was warm, the water was always cold with Whumper.

They stepped in and slowly lowered themselves, they stopped when their waist was in the water, panic set in.

"Caretaker?", they called.

"Yes Whumpee, I'm right here", Caretaker stood on the other side of the door.

"Um, I'm not sure I can do this, I'm waist deep, and on the verge of panic", they whispered.

"Ok, just take a deep breath. Remember when you first got here? You were terrified of the shower, so we started small, and worked to be able to get you cleaned up, and now you shower with no issue, and Nurse Jen just helps with the hard places", Caretaker reminded.

"Yes, but this harder", Whumpee sobbed, "I can't do this", Whumpee jumped out and ran for the door, they pulled it open and fell into Caretaker's arms.

Caretaker sighed, and lowered to the ground with them, wrapping them in hug.

"It's okay, shh, it's okay", Caretaker attempted to comfort the shaking Whumpee.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry please don't be mad at me", Whumpee cried into Caretaker's chest.

"I'm not mad, not at you", Caretaker assured them, "I may have pushed a bit to far, and I'm sorry for doing that to you."

Nurse Jen came in and saw naked Whumpee hugging Caretaker, she rushed and got a blanket to cover Whumpee.

"I pushed Whumpee a little too far past their comfort zone", Caretaker stated to Nurse Jen, "they panicked, and this happened."

Nurse Jen nodded, "I told you that", she stated as she helped Whumpee up.

"I know, I know", Caretaker got up, "I was being hard headed, I'm sorry."

Nurse Jen helped Whumpee get into their pajamas while Caretaker cleaned the tub.

"I will be leaving for the day in an hour", Nurse Jen lovingly booped Whumpee's nose, "I'll will be back tomorrow morning, though."

Whumpee nodded, "thankyou for helping me and Caretaker today, I'm sorry if I'm a pain."

"We go through this every night. You are not a pain, I am happy to be here and to be able to help you", Nurse Jen smiled, "you didn't ask for these struggles, and what was done to you was horrible, I am happy to be here."

"Thankyou so much", Whumpee cried.

Nurse Jen hugged them, "you got it baby."

Caretaker watched this exchange from the living room. He held back tears, thankful for Nurse Jen.

After she left, Caretaker put together some snacks and got a movie ready.

That night Caretaker tucked Whumpee into bed while they talked about the movie, they handed over their comfort item, a tattered blanket.

"Goodnight Whumpee", they made their way to the door.

"Goodnight sir, thankyou for taking care of me."

"You're welcome."

#whump community #whump stuff #whump writing #whump ideas #whumpee #whump scenario #whumper #whump #caretaking

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goosehuman · 4 months

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This is another vent. Please dont feel forced to read

Tw: Yelling, Suicidal thoughts, relapsing with SH, talking about past abuse (if you read this lmk what i miss)

God, i fucking hate how when my life turns the slight bit shit, I instantly turn towards the idea of suicide.

I was running late after work today and all I wanted to do was eat my lunch but my dad decided he wanted to pick me up. I was running late because i couldn’t leave my position until another person came in, and obviously they were a no-show. So i was already stressed. I told my dad id be running late so he told me to catch the bus home. My stupid ass decided itd be a good idea to leave my bus card at home.

So i just ask for the price of a bus fair. But he calls me lazy. And i just didnt eat lunch. I was stressed because i knew he was going to yell at me when we were alone.

Ofcorse im right. I know the dumbass as well as i can. He calls me lazy and worthless like he normally does and claims i treat him like a servant. I dont. I just focus on myself and all i ask him to do is to drive me to work and back. He yells at me for not cleaning my siblings bathroom. He calls me high maintenance. All i fucking do is sleep, eat and work. Im living a corporate cycle at the age of 16. I dont even like being around my family.

After he stopped yelling at me i basically had a panic attack/mental breakdown in my bedroom and the only way to stop that was to scratch at a body part til its red/bleeding. Its mainly to take my mind off of other things. I hate how much i feel like im suffering. I try talking about my issues but they tell me to suck it up.

If they know that i hadn’t stopped hurting/cutting myself, they would probably kick me out or just straight up physically hit/punch me again.

This isnt ment to be seen as attention seeking, its just mainly me putting stuff on a place so im not bottling it up.

#goose vents #tw suicide #tw self harm #tw self h4rm

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schoenht · 8 months

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GLADLY!! Some of the issues are like wayyyyy too deep for me to even begin with and are years old but we can just talk about the wedding.

1- my cousins step sister showed up in a wedding dress to the ceremony but was kicked out by security before she could enter.

2- And the vows were just… not it. The premise of both of their vows were “I made such a good choice by choosing you and you’re so grateful that I settled for you.”

3- OHOHOH WAIT the best man was the brides ex, she was cheating on him with the groom!!!

4- The bride and groom kept dancing with other people all night, but not even in like the normal way but like in a wayyyyyyyy too touchy way. The big no-no toughest if you will.

5- The bride apparently smashed a slice of cake on the grooms cheek so he literally chased her and pinned her on the ground and smashed way more slices on her face/ upper dress and called her a b-word a few times too. I say apparently because I wasn’t in the room. And they were VERY strict about no phones out.

6- Going off of no phones I think saw the groom on tinder while everyone was getting their makeup done before the wedding!!

7- Isnt fully related but like 6 people got into a fight. Idk what that was about. I think of those people was the grooms mom though!!

8- The bride and groom kept being narcissistic the whole time which was fun. I think?

Those are all the main events I can remember at the moment, so sorry if it seems kinda short but it was…something. That’s a word to use.

-🌺

...holy fuck. hang on, the tea is HOTTER THAN THE SUN let me just. Tell you my reactions to each one but overall, my jaw dropped and kept DROPPING with each entry

One, SHE SHOWED UP IN A FUCKING WEDDING DRESS ??? AN ENTIRE WEDDING DRESS ???? WHAT. WHAT. THE LEVEL OF INSANITY SHE HAS, I'M SORRY. Two, i. If there is anything i have learned, NEVER. SETTLE. stay single before you settle fuck no what kinda bullshit vows were those omfg. Three, DOES THE GROOM HAVE A BRAINCELL ??? I. DOES HE KNOW SHE WAS CHEATING WITH HIM ??? that is so messy omg I've seen wattpad aus less messy than that

Four, yikes. Five, WHAT THE FUCK. THAT'S YOUR WIFE AND YOU'RE CALLING HER THAT AND DOING THAT TO HER ??? annulment !! Immediately !!! Six, I'm sorry but if he was on tinder before the wedding, that marriage is not lasting, i gotta say it. Seven, i honestly think this was the sanest entry, POSSIBLY bc i am so used to fights at big events (staring at my graduation). Eight, if there is one thing my mom taught me, it's that you cannot be narcissistic at an event YOU planned bc if you really wanted it to be abt you, you wouldn't have invited other people (this happened after my aunt said smth at my cousin's quince that did not sit right with me)

Lowkey. That sounds extremely draining but the car ride back must've either been quiet or gone "OKAY BUT DID YOU SEE--"

#💜.answers #🌺.anon!!!#anon you brought me piping hot tea and did not disappoint #call me a chismosa all you like but jfc #im surprised one of the major events didnt involve a child #bc from what I've seen in weddings one of the more negative events usually has smth to do with a child #NOT SAYING ANYTHING BAD ABT THEM but like. its a common statistic #unless this was a child free wedding in which case good for you #but was the food good at least ???

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jenoutof10 · 28 days

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Thanks for answering my ask before. If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask, who are your top 10 favorite characters (can be from books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......

HAHHA don't worry these asks are fun and i enjoy them so don't apologize for giving me a good time. i do apologise for taking such a long time w these asks, im actually horrible at articulating my thoughts (which is why i am not a writer HA) i think i might be forgetting some characters, or maybe i just dont have alot of faves

1. itoshi rin (blue lock)

i feel like he sticks out like a sore thumb here but he's very much no. 1... something about him being an antisocial introverted hater with abandonment issues, but also has skills to back up his arrogance and (besides all the hate he lets fester within him) actually has a pretty healthy lifestyle.

2. itadori yuuji (jujutsu kaisen)

everything about yuuji is so inherently GOOD and it both interests + pains me to see him being put through all these trials and tribulations of a dark shonen mc 😭

3. gojo satoru (jujutsu kaisen)

i think, like rin, what makes him so interesting is that he has this arrogant and disrespectful personality but then again he's literally the strongest so you cant do jack shit about it. but on the other hand he's this playful goofy (incapable) teacher who spoils his students. i also love OP (to the point it dont make sense) characters.

4. dazai osamu (bungo stray dogs)

i find his inability to be truly happy in any universe fascinating.

5. tachihara michizo (bungo stray dogs)

if i explained it would be major spoilers for s4 and s5 of bsd so i'll just say that his contribution to the plot in the recent seasons really did it for me. the jump from s1 to s4 was a KICK.

6. mikage reo (blue lock)

he's a sopping wet sock. i think this is what people call a gap moe... this perfect, highly capable and charming individual turns into the most pathetic instance of man when his best friend leaves him.

7. giorno giovanna (jojo's bizarre adventure: golden wind)

his birth origins are alr wild. his stand is wild. his battle strategies are wild. his ending is wild. he (alongside jotaro) is probably the least expressive but his personality is so unique lol. a lil rascal.

8. kita shinsuke (haikyuu!!)

its been a while since anyone has mentioned haikyuu for me but kita remains as one of my fav characters LOL i think he's just very refreshing since the cast is full of hungry teenage monsters eager to win and he's almost like a breeze of calm HAHA. the inarizaki team is also very dear to me bcs theyre packed w such cool and strong characters that interact dynamically lol

9. tsukumo yuki (jujutsu kaisen)

honestly, she was the most interesting female character in jujutsu kaisen (for me) until gege decided to trash her. her appearances from todo's flashbacks to her in shibuya were all so badass, plus shes a good example of a character type i really like that radiates strong-confident-fighter aura but isnt really the brooding/dark type... but fun! ykyk. (oot but i REALLY wanted yuki at #9 bcs of her name LOL, realistically she wouldve been at #7)

10. raiden ei (genshin impact) + raiden shogun

again, another insanely OP character that it doesn't even make sense. her lore is crazy. the second raiden quest was what got me hooked (best story quest ever lol), i honestly can't pinpoint what it is from that quest since its been a while but it changed my whole perspective on her and i've been a raiden fan since. a combination of design, personality, lore, and strength (and additionally the raiden ensemble)

honorable mentions:

kaedehara kazuha, zhongli (genshin)

higashikata josuke (jojo's bizarre adventure: diamond is unbreakable)

lelouch lamperouge (code geass)

oda sakunosuke (bungou stray dogs)

#🍑 ask jen #🍑 jen geeks

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butchviking · 9 months

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could u describe your feelings about Cheerard

ogh man. i am like always going off about this 2 people but u put me on the spot like that i get scared. um.

well. first of all she represents freedom 2 me. gerard has clearly always been kind of a feminine dude, "i was a girl to a lot of people growing up" "i have always identified a fair amount with the female gender" "masculinity has always made me feel like it wasnt right for me".. he expressed this 2 some degree w stage looks, w all the makeup & everything, and sure mcr have always had adoring fans but he also very much has always always been called a fag mcr have always all been called fags on the regular people have not always been kind. and hesitant alien era he was clearly going thru a lot and thinking about a lot. and from that angle it just meant the world to see him like. openly crossdress in the public eye for the first time (we know he's crossdressed before but never in the public eye u know?) and look so HAPPY. with his friends who support him. and u could feel the love u could see it u could almost hold it in ur hands. that was true of the whole tour ofc but it made me wail and cry seeing his buddies giving him a hug and everyone cheering and loving and supporting him. as a gnc person who has also gone thru Gender Issues. and the fact that he was doing it all at 45 with grey hairs and wrinkles and sinewy middle-aged-man legs. there is a future u know. there is a future. and theres happiness there. and he just looked like he was having so much fun and not giving a fuck.. again, vibe of the whole tour, but it was so special 2 see him dancing and jumping and twirling..

also. hm. hard to know how to phrase this one without just copying out a previously written essay. as a woman, who also was once a girl, feminity is something that has often been forced on me. the world has tried to make it a prison for me and i have chewed through the bars kicking and screaming. and over the years ive stubbornly gone very much the other way and eschewed anything that could b considered feminine and viewed all things feminine as evil and as a cage. bc thats what that was to me. but the thing is that not everything deemed feminine is necessarily bad. ive avoided gentleness and vulnerability as much as ive avoided superficial aesthetic markers of femininity like skirts and pink and whatever. (and i have lost some kindness but i was a girl too and you were just like me and i was just like you..) and. hm. you know that thing transmascs sometimes say about looking at transwomen and being like "i forgot that womanhood could be enjoyed i forgot that it isnt the burden to everyone that it was to me"? well obviously i dont agree with that. but as far as feminity rather than womanhood i think thats a fair parallel for how i feel about gerard way. there are things i have run from that i see him enjoy and it makes me see them a different way. and it makes me see that it doesn't have to be a prison and by god i do not have to move myself from one cage to another. i'll never be an aesthetically feminine person it's just not who i am or what i enjoy.. and dresses and skirts are superficial things.. but him doing his silly little twirls in his silly little cheerleader dress is a very visual representation of something more. its very symbolic 2 me. and i'll also never be exceptionally feminine in my behaviours or personality either and that's not a bad thing its who i am and im proud of who i am. sometimes anyway. but. there are traits i could do with letting in. that have been hard for me to let in. he/she (that is gerard/cheerard fjdksk gerard is a he hes a real human man but cheerard is a symbol a concept a character and she's a she to me. sorry i dont make the rules my brain does) is a representation of all of this 2 me.

all of this 2 say gender is fake and u can do what u want and u just have to be yourself and be what u want 2 be and be what makes u happy and what brings love and joy. and u dont have to sit in a hole about it u dont have 2 write emily or drugstore perfume u dont have to wish u could bring her back from the dead or whatever. sometimes u just gotta wear a silly little cheerleader dress and go have fun. metaphor but also very real 2 me i WILL be buying a custom made cheerard dress and it will probably b the only dress i'll ever wear in my adult life fjfkkdj

#thanks fr asking i was actually in a really shitty mood bc i didnt wake up in time 2 go get a cheerard cake printed #getting 2 ramble on abt her has lifted my spirits im on my way 2 buy green food colouring 2 frost some cupcakes instead #everythings coming up cheerard 😁😁😁#ask #anonymous #typed half of this while walking btw and im not rereading it.. hope it makes sense <3 #now everyone go listen to when i was a boy dar williams RIGHT NOW !!!!!!#then maybe listen to not that kind of girl :3

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murderofsomeone · 2 months

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Ok I'm just gonna go with some general questions, coming up with these on the spot

What's your favorite fruit/s?

What is your favorite currently existing animal?

what is your favorite extinct animal?

What's your favorite mythical creature?

What's your favorite plant ?

Do you collect anything? If so what is it?

do you own anything interesting and/or unusual?

Are you proud of your country?

What is your favorite song?

What is your favorite album?

What songs do you like singing/playing on instruments?

Is there anything about you that seems to surprise people when you mention it?

whats your favorite food?

Is your house completely made of popsicle sticks?

Have you seen any cool bugs lately?

What are your favorite/least favorite ocs to draw?

what are your favorite/least favorite ocs in general?

What's your favorite ncu character?

What's your favorite ncu arc?

What's your favorite book?

have you ever felt complimented by something someone tried to say to offend you?

What's your favorite part of building the ncu?

What's your favorite part of world building?

How many CDs/cassette tapes do you have? What albums ? (If this isnt answered in the collections question)

What's a piece of media you find interesting?

What was the first lemon demon/Neil Cicierega song you listened to?

What song got you into Neil's music?

Have you ever gotten anything cool from an arcade?

What's your favorite movie/tv show?

What's your favorite holiday?

Do you own any cool rocks?

What instruments do you own? (If any)

What are your thoughts on musicals? What is your favorite one?

Do you think ideas spread because they're good?

What do you think of the scent of sharpies?

What's your favorite drink?

DO you have any special interests/hyperfixations you've wanted to talk about? (yes this is an invitation to ramble)

Do you own any field guides?

What's your favorite video game?

What's your favorite character from any media?

That's a lot of questions, answer/don't answer as many as you'd like, no pressure ofc just have fun!!

oh boy that is a lot of questions hold on

hrmm nectarines but I do really like peach flavored things

CROWS. I like other corvids too. and pigeons

I miss the archaeopteryx

griffins are cool

looove black orchids

I used to collect sea shells and acorns but not anymore. I have a bunch of rocks that I don't know where they are and dice I never use (doesn't play dnd and has crow brain)

i don't know

I don't have a favorite song because I'm possessed by the spirit of music but go listen to the machine by lemon demon with live backing please

fuck more favorite things uhhh I don't know but I've been on a kglw kick so go listen to i'm in your mind fuzz

I haven't been playing the piano that much for the past two years, but I can play a bit of cabinet man, the afternoon, introduction to the snow/dream sweet in sea major, and goodbye to a world.

I'm nondairy vegetarian. it's really annoying to explain that I'm not actually vegan to people.

I'm not too picky when it comes to food and nothing particularly stands out to me especially after changing how I eat, but I make a really good creamy vegetable soup and I kinda want some now

no....NO.....

there was a spider on my ceiling and when I woke up again it was gone

garrett has been pissing me off in terms of drawing lately but I think I just have skill issue. bepis my loving angel baby man is forever easy to draw

i need hiro irida dead. I don't have any particular favorites since I'm biased by hyperfixation at the moment but it used to be lorekeeper md (none of these words mean anything to my followers)

mmmm lemon demon. I like wanita/nature tapes too

dinosaurchestra has been invading my headspace because it's just so fun

I haven't been reading. I'm sorry women

someone called me the devil once and that was the day I got my cutie mark

I've always been insane about interconnected plots so I like creating one elaborate story from a bunch of little ones that seem unrelated until it unfolds at the end

I like creating systems and rules for how things work. I tend to focus less on like races, maps, or politics and more on the fucked up way the world works

i have a couple cds and cassettes. I own all the available lemon demon needlejuice discog on cassette (excluding the Needlejuice specific alters of albums like the indie cindy one), owt/funkytown cd, speaking in tongues cd (talking heads), they got lost cd (tmbg), and a dinosaurchestra cd

go watch infinity train

ultimate showdown in like 2013

it's basic but cabinet man in 2022 because people were making amvs of a don't starve character I liked

I got a pink dinosaur from a ufo catcher last year. it was the only thing I won

I keep returning to phineas and ferb/milo murphy's law. it's a comfort for me

halloween

I have a piece of petrified wood

a korg keyboard and a kalimba

my thoughts on musicals are that I need to watch more. I don't know my favorite but twisted is good

I don't know

I forgot people aren't disabled

ough I love a good treate. strawberry milk tea my beloved

the ncu but that requires something for me to start off of

no but I want to

terraria will forever remain a comfort game for me

I don't know I'm kind of biased towards the lemon demon guys rn. I'll go blindly throw a dart at this board now

in conclusion: monday murder of someone does not have money

#letterbox to hell mos

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slimesaurian · 3 months

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im gonna go on a rant in a sec. I'll try to cycle back and edit the top here to cw the post but if it takes too long and I forget or end up missing some im sorry

so a friend of mine just got outed to her ultra religious parents by her fucking shitty ex. it really fucking sucks and I so badly want to [redacted] the dude who did it. It especially sucks because like, I befriended this gal maybe a year into transition and she was still closeted/figuring stuff out at the time but would ask me some stuff about transition and I was happy to help. My first "baby trans" of being a woman who was out.

anyways her boyfriend seemed okay on twitter, tbh was always a bit annoying but then again who am I to judge. Our interactions were alright and it was just neat having some moots. Then twitter shat the bed and I made a lil friend server on discord for people I liked. I ended up sending a invite to both cuz they expressed interest and unfortunately the annoying vibes from boyf were correct. Dude would ping her in the server to get him to respond to their dms and say a buncha yikes things. I think he even mentioned being republican or smth which wasnt a hit in the "leftist tranny" discord server. Mostly he made peeps uncomfy but I was hesitant to give the boot to him because of his connection to someone I liked.

Then there was one point where I was in vc with him and baby trans messaged me saying "hey be careful with what you say around him" and then sent me a screenshot after he ended up going on a tirade against her for expressing interest in piercing her nipples at some point

1: bullshit lmao

2: very clearly controlling behavior and an implicit threat

at this point, i basically just stopped interacting with the dude in the server. I very much wanted to kick him, both from the server and irl but I was worried about escalating things and putting my friend in danger so I kinda just bit my tongue. eventually they broke up and I asked whether she'd like me to kick him or not and she told me she I didnt have to if I were comfy with him. I still didnt kick cuz I was worried about retaliation but my man was on thin ice, especially because I had just settled into a new place after fleeing a controlling man so I was not pleased with him.

Anyways then I made a joke about being gay in my sapphic tranny server and he was like "Wait, you like MEN????". Honestly, I had never felt like you could hear a pin drop in a digital space before. Anyways yeah I pulled out the boot after that.

Then dude was insistent on vc'ing me to "talk about what happened" and wouldnt stop messaging me trying to set up this call rather than just explain in text. Honestly I got the vibe this was intentional, I've had too many HR meetings to really buy that shit any more. I decided to entertain him just to get him off my back but then he kept pushing me so I eventually said I'll think about it. dude kept pushing and pushing me over text for updates for the next three days where I honestly just fucking ghosted him because of other life shit. Eventually I caved and told him to give me some space because I needed it and he went off about "Do you see how thats better than no response?" and then went on to talk about how "this issue isnt that big in the first place"

At that point I just never talked to him again. I figured his beef was with me and he has no leverage so I'm safe and hopefully baby trans is safe. Anyways fast forward half a year and god damn this girl has blossomed in the presence of other folks helping her through this stuff (if you end up reading this somehow, love you girl 💗). Unfortunately she learns that shitty ex has told ppl she cheated on him and thats why they broke up (girl absolutely has been too timid to pursue anything since, this is 100% a boldfaced lie. But gosh you rly should ask alex out already). She ends up making a very calm post clearing the air about how this isnt the case and she didnt feel safe around him due to the threat of being outed (above). No @'s, no names, just a simple post.

And then her dad gets a text talking about every little thing that could be used against her, from her caffeine addiction (lmfao) to her not rly being christian and eats weed gummies. Oh and, you know, she "wants to identify as a woman and have started taking drugs for hormone replacement therapy". As an aside, the text mentions she's "been dating a man for a year now" and "have sucked a couple of dicks". but who's dick i wonder 🤔. Also she's "never liked women and is attracted to penises" if this werent so fucking awful id be laughing my ass off.

The text ends with "I'd suggest confronting [deadname] about this since they're clearly out of your control and could learn a lesson about insubordination and respect". Not rly being subtle there bud. Anyways, me and my friends have spent all fucking day making sure our gal is safe and has a place to stay and are emotionally supporting her and I'm just so fucking angry. Her entire life has been uprooted, her autonomy violated, her existence endangered because this fucking prick decided he wants to be a petty motherfucker. For the record, she has temporary housing and is safe right now, but she's going to come out of this with such deep scars.

I think the worst part is, is that he's got a lot of trans women friends/mutuals. He was practically bragging about it in my server. Other trans womrn are in danger around this man and his vindictive rage but I dont have the energy to do anything more than try being there for my friend and help her through this. I'm just angry and sad and worried and tired. I hate this man. I hate people like him. I hate the fact that he will more than likely never face any sort of consequences for ruining someone else's life. I hate that society makes him feel comfortable where he is. I fucking hate.

I'm trying so hard to not succumb to hate and become this jaded feral beast but it's just so hard. its so hard seeing everyone i care about in this fucked up world get hurt over and over and over again. It's so hard seeing all this violence and pain and choosing to fight back with love. Every time someone i love is hurt it feels like a chunk of my flesh is taken along with it. a core of my being is robbed because I need to help. i need to be there. i need to counterract the world. but its not enough and itll never be enough and ill just wear myself thinner and thinner each day until all thats left is my bones bleaching in the sun. but what else can i do? the rabid dog gets put down. i just want to be safe and help my friends be safe and i want us all to live.

i dont know any more.

edit:

I think one of the worst parts is knowing that it's within my power to hurt him back. Like, he's told me the general area where he lives in the past and it's honestly not hard to narrow details down from there if you're dedicated. I could realistically make this fucker fear for his life. But then I'd be one of those radical violent transgenders who dared to bare her teeth at the society that uses and beats and breaks and kills her kind. I have to rise past it. I have to choke this rising bile in my throat back down and be a good girl for a chance to be granted the fucking right to live. I have to sit and feel my heart break and break and break and break and break every single day so some smug white boys won't ever have to experience the fear of god for the slightest moment.

#rant #eliza rant #long post

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theatrekidstatus · 5 months

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Chapter 8:

"I'm so happy y'all are dating,because y'all wouldn't shut up about each other" daveed announced "for real all y/n would talk about was anthony and I couldn't even talk to him" Renée added "leave them alone" Leslie said putting his arms around us (a/n not even gonna hold y'all I forgot about Leslie until I read a story with him in last night😭😭😭) "you two are going to be the cutest couple ever" Lin said grinning that big grin "thanks Lin" "anytime" let's get to rehearsals of rehearsal "ugh" "I know I know but we have too,y/n you'll be the audience" "cool ooo can-" "no you can't yell boo if someone messes up" "awww" "HAHA" jazzy cackled "🖕🏾" "ok PLACES" Lin yelled "Que groffsauce" *insert preshow speech* "Leslie" "how dose a BASTERD,orphan,son of a whore and a Scotsmen dropped in the middle spot in the crabien by providence and squalor grow up to be a human and scholar" "y/n's boyfriend" "the ten dollar founding father without a farther got a lot farther by being a lot smarter by 14 they placed him in charge a trading charter" "daveed" "and everyday while slaves were being slaughtered and carted away- something's wrong with my mic" "if this is a joke it's not a funny one David" "it's-" then he started mouthing something "damn...ok if anyone did something to daveed's mic fess up now I won't even make you confess why you did just confess" "no one ok good I'll call tech and have this checked out daveed just articulate" "COOL" after his oak part "what's your name man" "Alexander Hamilton my name is Alexander Hamilton and there's 1000,000 I haven't but just you wait just you wait" "when he was ten his father split full of it debt ridden two year Alex and his mother bedridden and" "Alex got better and his mother went quick"moved with the cousin committed sucide left him with ruined pride something new inside" "Hi excuse me so sorry but the mic you wanted us to check out/fix was purposely damaged It seemed to be stepped on.punched,kicked,chewed? And other things that make us not want to even look let alone touch and it might be unfixable "ok CAST CREW AND OTHER meeting now everyone audience "ooo a mystery" I whispered to ant he looked a little tense "you good" "well I'm a little nervous how the show finna Turn out we've had only a few days of practice" "I'm sorry ant" "huh why *gasp* DID YOU DESTROY HIS MIC" "what no I'm sorry that i relapsed and took 2 days off of rehearsals and I'm sorry something happened to his mic and take more time" "hey I'm It's NOT your fault you relapsed it's those dumb idiots online and I know you didn't cause the mic thingy it's not your flaut ok" he said he's BEAUTIFUL green eyes "OK QUITE DONE EVERYONE,LISTEN I KNOW THIS ISNT A BIG BIG ISSUE BUT THE STUFF SOMEONE DID TO THAT MIC I SENT DAVEED TO THE DOCTOR AND THEN HOME" (all caps cause ArTiCuLaTiOn) Lin said with anger and concern "DAMN" we yelled "I know now I know said who ever messed up the mic could fess up and we'd move but if they wanna confess what you did,why'd you dove and why hide it literally that's it" Lin tells us "and-"

He's cut off by a text "OH HELL NO YOU PHYCHO PUT HONEY ON HIS MIC YOU GUYS KNOW HE IS ALLERGIC" "OH HELL NAH" I yelled Everyone looked at me "My bad" "Listen we will continue this rehearsal but if no one fesses up then YA OUTTA HERE" Lin yells everyone look at each other "if you did it you'd tell me right" he asked I wasn't to mad because he was worried for his best friend "I didn't but if I did I'd tell you" "ok good" I texted the "renèe, Pippa, jazzy AND Y/N" GC if y'all did I won't snitch but did y'all

Jazzy poo bear😭🙄🔛🔝‼️🗞️🧍🏼‍♀️🫶🏾🤭🎶🗣️🪄✅😑👍🏾🩷😂👦🏿🖕🏾😘❕🔥😔👦🏾💞👹❗️🔊🎩👦🏽: do what I was sleeping the whole meeting

Pippy poo😀🥹☺️😃😅😊😄😂😇😁🤣🙂😆🥲🙃: omfg jazzy so you know how so messed daveed mic

Jazzy poo bear😭🙄🔛🔝‼️🗞️🧍🏼‍♀️🫶🏾🤭🎶🗣️🪄✅😑👍🏾🩷😂👦🏿🖕🏾😘❕🔥😔👦🏾💞👹❗️🔊🎩👦🏽:yeah

Pippy poo😀🥹☺️😃😅😊😄😂😇😁🤣🙂😆🥲🙃: he was trying to see if someone would fess up because there'd just have to explain why they did it but if they don't there outta here and no y/n I didn't do it

Jazzy poo bear😭🙄🔛🔝‼️🗞️🧍🏼‍♀️🫶🏾🤭🎶🗣️🪄✅😑👍🏾🩷😂👦🏿🖕🏾😘❕🔥😔👦🏾💞👹❗️🔊🎩👦🏽:ohh i ain't do it now but you nèa nèa

Mommy nèa(not dirty🙄)😉😗😝🤓😌😙😜😎😍😚🤪🥸🥰😋🤨🤩😘😛🧐🥳:no i kinda like daveed

Ooooooooooo (they all texted)

Mommy nèa(not dirty🙄)😉😗😝🤓😌😙😜😎😍😚🤪🥸🥰😋🤨🤩😘😛🧐🥳:omg you guys SO immature

Okay so y'all are clear Ant and I didn't do it so yeah

I was walking around I was singing Burn and and ant came from the shadows

"I'm your boyfriend how dare you not tell me you can sing"

"I'm sorry I love you don't hurt me," I say while slowly falling on the floor My last boyfriend would hit me when I didn't tell him stuff "Hey hey I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you come here I love you too and look at me I will NEVER hurt you," he said hugging me on the floor maybe not all men are bad "an-t," I say through tears " "yes babe" "your my boyfriend?" "Am I?" he asked nervously "Yes, yes you are" he smiled so hard "Let me wipe your tears please" "OK" his thumb slowly went down my face getting rid of my tears "I have to go on stage are you ok?" "I'm fine" "ok let's go" he reaches out a hand and I take it he takes me to my favorite seat in the audience and went in the wings I watched the rehearsal they did it with a recording of Daveed's voice they got far to they got to 'say no to this' WITHOUT ANY BREAKS tech member Katie messed up so they had to stop but Lin made sure she didn't feel guilty "damn I want some cookies" I mumbled "I know" I pull out my phone and text thayne

CoOkIe MoNsTeR😏😕😫😤😒🙁😩😠😞☹️🥺😡😔😣😢🤬😟😖😭🤯:is this y/n

Yes and I want cookies

CoOkIe MoNsTeR😏😕😫😤😒🙁😩😠😞☹️🥺😡😔😣😢🤬😟😖😭🤯:no

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

CoOkIe MoNsTeR😏😕😫😤😒🙁😩😠😞☹️🥺😡😔😣😢🤬😟😖😭🤯: because I fucked them up last night

#hamilton fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #fanfics #fanfic authors #fanfic writers #fanfiction writer #fanfic writing #fanfic #fanfiction

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farfromstrange · 2 years

Text

Foreigner's God: Chapter 7

Main Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x OFC

Chapter Summary: There is something incredibly off about Tony’s behavior, and Eliza decides she can’t do it anymore. She’s done. The fight leads to several revelations. One, she might be going slightly insane and two, Clinton Church is actually quite the nice place to go to if you’re having a panic attack. Other than that, Matt is still himself. While that might lead to some tension between them, she’s never been happier to have a place to go to that isn’t lonely, and he cares. This friendship might just be all she needs, after all.

Warnings: this is so long, mentions of drug abuse, alcohol consumption, there’s some foreshadowing, Tony Stark is being slandered, a phone call with Peter, hallucinations, panic attack, religious imagery, confession, praying, S3 spoilers, Eliza’s ever-lasting guilt, arguing, yelling, daddy issues (not the sexy kind), crying, not feeling good enough, some bad humor & cliché age gap joke

Other characters: Natasha, Steve, Thor, Bruce, Tony, Clint, Peter Parker, Father Lantom & Sister Maggie, also some random homeless man just trying to help a girl out

Word Count: ~ 10k

A/n: I tried working out some of my own religious trauma with this one and also… well, this shit is plot-heavy so you might need a clear head to read this. If anyone asks, no I’m not okay. And no, Tony just acts like an asshole. He ISNT the villain. Still haven’t done him dirty enough, but we’ll soon be done with the slander. The next chapter will be posted tonight as well!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated!

Read Chapter 7: right where you left me Here on AO3!

18+ MINORS DNI

The first time Eliza Bennett met Tony Stark was the day Loki destroyed New York. She’d only been working for SHIELD for a short amount of time back then, trying to get accustomed to her new life, her new identity. It’s safe to say she has always been exceptionally good at it. At being an Agent, being a hero, and every other thing way beyond her maturity level. She was never taught any better. Being an Agent in the field resembled her life at Hydra almost down a tee. Except she wasn’t killing people and she had her own free will, which was nice, but also not so much. She followed orders but she had a choice to stay or to start a new somewhere, get a taste of that human lifestyle everyone kept telling her about. It was new and scary, and she hated the fact that it didn’t feel like her.

May 3rd, 2012.

She was undercover at a gala when she heard the static rushing in her earpiece. “Mission’s over,” Natasha said.

“What?” Eliza looked down at the glass of Martini in her hand, then back at the dance floor on which the Senator she was watching kept twirling his date around. “I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet,” she said. “I practiced my tango, like you told me to. It’d be a shame if I couldn’t show it off!”

The woman laughed. “I’d love to see it, but this is urgent. Pack up! We’re going back on the Helicarrier. I’ve got someone else covering our Russian spy senator and his bimbo.”

“Don’t call her a bimbo, Nat.“

“But it’s true. Admit it.”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Eliza left the party, the black limousine waiting for her at the entrance. The nice valet opened her the door, but he was dangerously pale around the nose. She cocked her head. Someone had been threatening him.

Natasha sat in the dark of the backseat, holding a file. She should’ve expected the redhead to make her appearance so soon. Urgent meant nothing less than time sensitive and when it came to matters with such a label, she was always first on every scene.

“Wait, weren’t you just in some Russian guy’s lair?” she asked her.

“Yeah, Coulson bailed me out. Threatened the guy. I almost had him. Ended up kicking his ass like the little bitch he was.”

“Did you get the intel?”

“What do you take me for?”

“Of course, you did. So, what’s up? What’s up with the urgency?”

“I know you’ve never done this before,” Natasha said. She handed the file over, her hand enveloped in black leather gloves. “But the fate of the world depends on it, and we could really use your help right now.”

She opened the brown folder, the first page a picture of a glowing blue box. “The tesseract,” Eliza choked out. An object with the most magnetic pull.

Fury never once allowed her to be less than ten feet of it. She had to stay in the circle. Why, she didn’t know, but he had his reasons.

“Yes, it’s recently come into possession of a, uh… I don’t know what he is. An alien? Some guy with greasy hair and a spear. He’s not of this world, that’s for sure. He stole it from the base earlier tonight.”

“This thing has unimaginable power. How could he just steal it?”

“As I said, he’s an alien. And he’s Thor’s brother. Turn the page.” She did. The next series of pictures were screenshots from the security cameras. The man with black hair stared straight at the screen. He was attractive, sure, but the crazy in his eyes killed the mood.

“Jesus.” Eliza shook her head. Somehow the glow of his scepter felt… familiar? It was just a picture, it was probably stupid, but she felt drawn to it nonetheless. “What’s the procedure?” she questioned.

Natasha smirked. “We’re getting the band back together.”

With the band, she meant the Avengers. The Avengers Initiative failed before. Imagine her surprise when the pair set foot on the Helicarrier to find the group of unlikely allies meddled together for the first time ever. None of them looked like they belonged there.

“I could imagine better things than to be trapped on here with the Hulk,” she told Natasha. “And the guy whose brother is currently threatening to take over the world.”

“He’s still my brother!” Thor snapped from somewhere in the distance.

“He killed eighty people in two days.”

“Well, he’s adopted.”

“And I’m a former Hydra operative. What’s your point?”

“See, so even you have made mistakes, earthling.”

Eliza glared at the blond man. He was attractive. He was tall and muscular and every woman’s dream. In that moment though, all he did was infuriate her to the point, her blood boiled.

“Don’t call me earthling, you daft Asgardian Shakespeare.”

“I feel like you have been misinformed about me. I’m Thor, the God of-“

“Thunder, yeah, I know. I don’t care.” She turned to the rest of the team. “If I end up squashed,” - she pointed at Bruce - “under the edge of a Vibranium shield,” - she pointed at Captain America - “shot with an arrow through the eye,” - her eyes narrowed at Clint - “hit with a magic hammer or ATTACKED BY A FUCKING METAL SUIT, MISTER STARK!” Tony felt her finger poke deep into his chest. “I will make sure we all die up here,” she finished. “You got that?”

But Natasha taught her all about control, so she swallowed the red threatening to expose her and focused back on the task at hand.

Tony was actually the only one to eye her with curiosity instead of fear. “Do they usually start this young?” he asked.

Eliza used to be a very superstitious person. She didn’t trust anyone outside of her fellow Agents and even then she kept her distance. She was a scared girl in a big world, not knowing who she was or how she got there, with powers raging inside of her that she couldn’t quite grasp. The Avengers were a pool of strangers that she was tossed in without ever having learned how to swim.

So, naturally, when Tony made his jokes, she put her guard up. “No,” she told him, “We usually start younger.”

“So, baby spies?” He’s never been a particularly serious person.

It was twisted that this was the thing that enthralled him about her. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut for the life of him. Eliza was so frustrated to the point where she considered putting a bullet through his iron suit. Though when he flew that missile into space, she couldn’t help but pay her respects to his heroic antics. The careless man she’d met before somehow appeared in a different light then.

“You’re a great kid,” Tony said to her after the battle. “We should do this again sometime.”

That was four years in the past.

Eliza warmed up to Tony instantly. The respectful, caring side of him. It was the original reason why she agreed to move into Avengers Tower in the first place. She ditched SHIELD for the Avengers. He mentored her. Tony was the first person after Fury to see something in her, willing to do just about anything to bring it out in her.

Tony Stark made her feel loved for the first time in her life. Perhaps that’s why it hurt so much to see their once so-invincible bond break apart.

Eliza asked herself where exactly they went wrong. Was it something she did or something she could’ve prevented? As so often, there was nothing to explain Tony’s behavior other than the fact that he was just Tony.

Tony wasn’t the man he used to be, and he certainly didn’t portray as the kind of person he wanted to be. He turned from an idol into an antagonist – Eliza wished it would’ve been a sudden change, but reflecting on the past two years she realized it was meant to happen.

Eliza knew better than to try and make him see. He had to fall head-first into the abyss to realize his mistakes. He needed a swift kick in the ass and an excellent punch to the face. She couldn’t do that. Life had to do it to him.

Like Steve once said to her, “If holding onto something hurts you more than letting go, you need to let it go. If it’s meant to be, it’ll come back to you. If it’s not, at least you got rid of the pain.”

By the time Happy pulled up to the compound, Eliza accepted the fact that it would never be the same again. She had to let go eventually. She would give him one last chance, she decided, and if he decided to turn around and shit on it, she would take Steve’s advice and save herself. For once in her life, she had to listen. Holding onto the wrong people was her best talent, but sometimes even talent has to be laid off to protect your fragile little heart.

“We’re here,” Happy snapped her out of her thoughts.

She dreaded every step into the compound. Her heart beat up to her throat. The oxygen supply sank with every passing second.

Eliza took the familiar road to Tony’s office. He was waiting for her behind the door. She hesitated, hand on the handle. She hated confrontation. She didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t her turn to apologize, but somehow she felt like she had to. Sad, wasn’t it? He had her judging guilty without even trying, even when she didn’t need to. She was just that dependent on his approval.

She pushed the thoughts away. She wasn’t a child anymore, she was an adult. Adults don’t make their lives dependent on one person, no matter how much they mean to them. Adults are supposed to stand their ground. She had to learn how to do that. She did it the previous night, she could do it again. Tony didn’t own her.

“You came,” Tony’s voice sounded breathy, hungover, from the corner of the room.

Eliza exhaled, a mix between a sigh and a scoff. “You left me no choice,” she said. “Sending Happy to my place was a desperate move.”

“I couldn’t reach you. At first, I thought maybe you lost your phone, but then I realized you blocked my number. If anything, you left me no choice. I wanted to talk to you without dozens of people around to ask stupid questions.”

“Why?”

“You left before I could talk to you last night.”

“Seriously? You’re just gonna act like this is all it is? Miscommunication?”

Tony scoffed. She saw the bottle of Scotch on his table, the half-filled glass. It was ten in the morning.

“Are you drunk again?” she asked.

“You don’t get to do that.”

“I don’t mind day drinking, I only mind hypocrisy.”

“I asked you here to apologize for what I said.” He took a sip.

“You were drunk, Tony.”

“And I’m sorry for that. I had one too many drinks because I didn’t want to face Secretary Ross sober. Every time I see him, I’m reminded of Rogers and what he did.”

“What Steve did?” Eliza glared. “You both screwed up! It wasn’t just him.”

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“It kind of seems like you don’t.”

“Give me a break!”

She flinched away. Her eyes fluttered close, her feet carried her a step back, and her arms instantly lifted themselves in front of her chest as if physically defending herself was going to block the words from entering her ears. It didn’t.

Tony’s frown crumbled. He didn’t have the power of empathy on his side, but he saw the fear displayed in her eyes and he felt a sudden ping of regret. “I’m sorry,” he said, quieter this time. He opened his arms - a peace offering. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”

“You’re drunk,” she whispered. The tears stung behind her still-closed lids. “You’re drunk,” she said once again. She opened her eyes again. “I know what chronically drunk people are like, so I know that anything you say could either be complete bullshit or the honest-to-God truth. Tell me, why should I believe anything you say right now?”

He watched the tears slide almost elegantly from the corner of her left eye, down her cheek, and her neck. He waved his hands a little. “I’m not drunk. I’ve had two glasses of Scotch to fight off the hangover.”

“There’s still alcohol in your system. Too much to consider it sober.”

“You’re right, I’m not sober.”

“I know. What I don’t know is what you want from me. My pity?”

“No!” Tony scoffed. “It’s just been hard for me,” he began to explain himself. “Ever since Rogers - Steve - left, I’ve been feeling like I failed. Do you know what that’s like? I’m the man who killed the Avengers. I saw it. I saw it with my own eyes.”

“Oh, come on!”

“No, hear me out. When that little witch Wanda played with my head, I saw it. I saw all of you, dead. It was my fault. I’m comparing these two right now and I don’t see much of a difference. Look, I’m on my last straw right now.”

Eliza shook her head. “You could’ve told me,” she said.

“I tried! I tried to tell you that this is my worst nightmare come true. So many times.”

“How, by calling me a lost orphan in front of the most powerful people in New York City?”

“You don’t understand,” he said. “I was drunk and angry and I didn’t mean it.”

“You’re right, I don’t understand because you’re not making any sense.”

“I made our friends enemies of the State. I did. Rogers, Romanoff, Wanda, all of them! I killed the Avengers.”

“And you know, Sam, Scott, even Vision, just because he’s in love with a fugitive. Can’t even say their names, can you?”

“Jesus!” He scoffed. “You’re turning my words against me.”

“Can you blame me?” Eliza asked, challenging him.

“This isn’t about blame.”

“What, you want me to feel bad for you?” She cocked her head. “This is on you, not me. If you’re waiting for the pity party, you’re not getting any.”

“Listen, kid. I know you’re struggling and I’m sorry I’m not there for you like I used to be, but this is hard on all of us. Especially on me. This shit show is getting on my last nerve. The press, Ross, fucking Rhodey and Happy- you know, it’s not easy when the world is resting on your shoulders,” he said.

The exasperated laugh was an answer of heavy proportions. “Boohoo, cry me a river, Tony! Honestly, you either complain or apologize, you can’t do both and expect me to roll with it.” She wished she had the same glass of Scotch he was carrying only so she could swallow the horrendously bitter taste on her tongue, but she didn’t. She was glad she didn’t. She wanted to be better than him. She wanted her words to be sober. She wanted him to understand, for whatever the desperate attempts were worth.

Tony shrugged. “It’s true. There’s a lot more I’m carrying that you don’t know about,” he said, “and I’m glad you don’t.”

“And you don’t know about the shit I have to carry,” she replied. Her lip twitched into a sour smile. “But I’m glad you don’t.”

He smirked, but it was fake. The way she spoke left no space for interpretation of just how sour she was. She was mad, offended, disappointed, all of those things and yet, she came. She always did.

“All I need is some time to clear my head, and Scotch. Lots of Scotch.” He poured himself another glass from the small bar in the corner of his office, a small mahagoni table overlooking the New York skyline behind the compound. The perfectly trimmed grass and bushes in the front yard lead to the small forest separating the Avengers from downtown. It was beautiful.

“You need time,” she repeated his words. “It’s funny because when you say it’s hard on all of us, I feel like it only entails you. I had to clean up your mess, again,” she said. “I shouldn’t have to. I struggle too, you know. I’m not saying you aren’t, but maybe you should take your own words into account and think about the people around you. You aren’t the only one who lost, we all did.”

His shoulders tensed. Something changed. Was that regret she saw in the colors around his soul? She could’ve sworn she saw black somewhere, but it was hard to tell with the mess he was and the alcohol that seemed to turn the shade of anger darker, and the pride threatened to consume him.

“I always have to take care of everything. I trained you, Eliza. I made us a team. I got you all a job you could count on. You had all the benefits in the world. Healthcare, stability, housing… you had all of that. It was safe. You guys were safe. And yet - and fucking yet - we managed to blow up. We always do. Everything always blows up, no matter what I do, and I’m tired of watching it happen without having an ounce of control in it. I think it’s time I finally focus on myself.”

“How can you say that after everything that happened? I can’t take this anymore,” she said, and she meant it. “I have to soften all the blows. It’s not even my job!”

“You need to learn how to take responsibility,” he argued.

“Responsibility?” That was the last straw. “I’ve been taking responsibility since the day I got here! I’ve been cleaning up the messes you’ve made again and again. Now, I didn’t mind. We were a family, but lately, it feels like I’m just doing it because I’m supposed to. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe I shouldn’t have accepted being used like that.”

“Being used?” Tony asked, voice dangerous as he rose from his chair. “I did everything for you. You got a home, money, and a job. You met people others can only dream about. What else do you want?”

“Maybe some appreciation, for a change. I mean, are you treating Peter the same way?”

“Peter- is this what this is about? Are you jealous of that kid?”

“No!” maybe a little. “My point is that I was around Peter’s age when we first met. After everything you learned over the years and what I’ve been through, don’t you think it’s my right to tell you your place?“

“Pepper took you under her wing, Happy worries about you all the time, I mentored you. I got you back on your feet. I made sure you didn’t go to jail. Hell, I even funded your drug addiction when I didn’t even know you were taking those stupid pills, and yet, I’ve never asked you to pay me back!”

“Oh, please,” Eliza spat back. “What would you ever do without having my mental illness as a justification for your actions? Honestly, you’re acting like that’s all I am. Fuck you, Tony! I thought you cared about me.”

“I do!” he said. “All I ever did was because I care about you. I saw your talent when no one else did. Not even Fury shaped you the way I did. So don’t tell me you’re not being appreciated! I care more than anyone else on this planet. I saved your life, goddamnit!”

“Jesus Christ, Tony, why can’t you just listen?” Fresh tears pooled in her eyes. The water crept dangerously close to the brim, threatening to bubble over. Eliza wasn’t even surprised.

She’d cried more in the past couple of days than ever before. She was a wreck. Time had done its damage. Life had taken its toll. She was bound to break eventually, she just never thought it would happen like this. She never thought it would come to this. The world stopped spinning the day the Avengers left her behind.

“I’m so sick and tired of fixing everything,” she said. “I’m not your therapist. Hell, I’m the one who needs one. I’m not just some messed up orphan that’s become your burden. You were everything to me…” The ocean was too wide and she never learned how to swim. “I looked up to you. I idolized you and wanted to be like you. You taught me so much and yet nothing prepared me for the person you’d be.”

Eliza wiped her cheeks furiously with the back of her hand. “This isn’t you! Ever since you and Steve fell out and the Avengers broke up, you’ve been spiraling out of control. You changed! You turned into this wreckage of a man, a shell of who you used to be, and that shell is filled with so much sour hostility. The Tony Stark I know wouldn’t risk everything by putting down the guests at his party. He wouldn’t hurt his friends and family in front of everyone. The Tony I know would listen to what I have to say. He’d take my worries into account. The Tony I know would do anything to protect me, but you’re not there. You haven’t been there in a very long time, but I lived with it because I still had hope. I had faith in you, Tony.”

He aggressively downed another glass of Scotch, knuckles turned white from the hold he had on it.

“You taught me to always believe in the good in people, and help when someone needs it. I made it my personality trait. What happened, Tony? What happened to make you this way?”

“You don’t get to do that,” he said. “You don’t get to ask me what happened when you were the one who completely lost herself all those years ago!”

“I picked myself up again! I admit that I’m broken, but that doesn’t give me the right to take it out on people. That’s what you do. You blame everyone but yourself for everything that’s wrong with you-“

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“See? That’s what I’m talking about. You won’t listen!”

“Oh, I am listening. I am listening very well. Let’s talk about what I’m listening to, yeah? Except for the fact that you’re trying to make me feel bad for one stupid slip-up-“

Eliza interrupted him with a frustrated groan, “It wasn’t just one stupid slip-up, Tony. It’s a fucking series and I’m done watching!”

“Don’t interrupt me,” he said. “You call me a hypocrite, but while you accuse me of neglecting you, it’s you who won’t listen. You think you’re so smart, prancing around at night, behind my back, with a criminal? And then you have the nerve to pretend like you’re a good girl and lie to my face! That’s what hypocrisy is, Eliza! You’re a hypocrite!”

The words tasted like poison on her tongue.

Tony was nowhere near done. The fire just kept on burning. “You’re jealous of Peter? Well, he learned his lesson after I called him out. You didn’t. You did the exact opposite of what I told you. Fucking hell!”

“What are you even talking about?” she asked.

“Daredevil.”

“What?” The name rang in her ears. Her mind instantly went to Matt. It made her wonder just how much he knew.

“Don’t play dumb now,” he bellowed. “I know you’re working with him. You’re following down circumstantial leads that almost got you killed.”

“How would you even know?”

“I’ve got eyes and ears everywhere, remember?”

“It’s not what it looks like,” she tried to justify herself, but it was essentially all useless. Her secret was out. What terrified her most was the fact that she didn’t care.

“It’s not? Who do you think is keeping the press off your ass right now? It’s only a matter of time before your little secret comes out and then it’s Ross knocking on my door all over again.”

“You didn’t listen to me.” She remained dangerously calm. “So I took matters into my own hands.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” He threw his hands up. “You’re not a vigilante! You were with Pfeiffer when he got shot. What did he tell you? Did he play into your suspicions?”

Eliza cocked an eyebrow. “How do you know I was there?” she asked. The truth itched the back of her brain.

Tony sighed, nostrils flared. “I put a tracker into your SIM card when I got it for you.”

“You did what?”

“In my defense, you tend to get into trouble quite a lot.”

It wasn’t that easily justified. He was monitoring her like a criminal because he didn’t trust her. If her heart hadn’t been broken already, it surely would’ve broken right then and there.

“This only proves my point,” he said. “You could’ve gotten shot over a suspicion! And now Pfeiffer is dead and his blood is on your hands.”

“Don’t you dare,” she ground her teeth. “It was Hydra, you and I both know that. You just don’t want to acknowledge the fact that we failed.”

“You’re paranoid, Eliza. I stand by that. People died because of your inability to stay out of shit that doesn’t concern you-“

“It doesn’t concern me? Tony, they stole my childhood, they experimented on me and tortured me! There’s nothing more of my concern than that stupid organization! This is so much bigger than we thought. You’d know that if you’d just listened.”

“I listened, I didn’t like what I heard so I’m cutting you off,” the statement was final, she saw it in his eyes. But Eliza was done for good. He could do whatever he wanted. She was done.

“You know,” she said, “We used to be such a good team. We swore to eliminate threats. What happened to that?”

“Agendas change,” he stated.

“No, not this time. You just want to control me. I don’t know why, maybe you’re scared or maybe you just don’t have any faith in me. Either way, I’m not gonna stop. We both know that.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“Am I? Or am I just not following your orders?”

“Not following my orders is a mistake. Trust me. You’re doing the wrong thing, Eliza. You’re chasing the wrong ghosts. If you do this, I can no longer protect you.”

She shrugged. “I’ll take that chance.”

“You don’t understand. If you do this, I’m gonna stop. If you do this, you’re no longer an Avenger.”

“I haven’t been an Avenger since Berlin.”

The emptiness in Eliza’s eyes put a distance of miles between them. Tony was waiting for her to pull back from the edge of the cliff, to run back into his arms. He was waiting for her to make a different decision, one that didn’t entail losing her, but one look into her eyes told him that he was no longer welcome. He wasn’t just losing her, he already had.

“I didn’t ask you to keep the press off my ass,” she said to him. “If Ross wants to arrest me, let him. I’d rather go to jail than sit back and do nothing to save this city. If you decide to do the latter, that’s your choice. It’s not mine. I want to see them burn the way they burned me. If you try and stand in my way, I might just burn you too.”

“Are you threatening me?” Tony asked.

“No,” she smiled, “it’s a promise.” The door handle felt hot instead of cold under her hands this time.

She looked down. The veins underneath her skin were glowing bright red instead of faint blue. In the reflection of the window, she caught a glimpse of her eyes. She was standing knee-deep in her misery and the pain did little to help her stay in control.

He’s lying to you. She tilted her head. Her reflection moved towards her. The window turned into a one-way mirror. Smoke started to pool at her feet. The stranger was trapped behind the glass. She pressed her hand against it, eyes switching between Tony at his desk and Eliza, clawing at the door handle. A strange magnetism kept her tied to the metal.

She tipped her chin. Leave. Her mouth wasn’t moving, so how could she possibly hear her voice, so close yet so far away?

Don’t look back.

“If you walk out that door,” Tony said, one last attempt to close the distance between them, “We’re done.”

Eliza pulled. “That’s fine by me.”

“Maybe you should just think this through-“

“I did. I made this decision on my own. Nothing you say or do can change that. I may not be an Avenger anymore, but at least I’m not the one that killed them. You killed the Avengers, Tony. You ruined us. Do with that as you will, but if I were you, I’d rethink the decisions I made.”

She wasn’t sure what came over her.

“Eliza-“

“No, I’m done. Paint me the villain, I don’t care. At least then I know I’ve done it right. Here,” Eliza reached into the pocket of her jeans. The film of pictures weighed heavy in her hands. She hesitated, though the decision was a conscious one. “Good luck cleaning up the mess you made.” She let the snippets fall to the floor. Her face was broken in half, eyes scattered around, all familiar faces that once had been there but were long gone. “I’m not gonna do it for you,” she said. “You can lie in this yourself.”

All the strength Eliza displayed at the compound magically evaporated the second she set foot outside. She didn’t even tell Happy why she was running or where, for that matter. She wasn’t even sure where she was going. All she knew was that she needed to get out; she needed to put not only emotional but also a physical distance between her and Tony and everything else that reminded her of the life before, and just get out of the life she once lived for good. It was over anyway.

Happy gave her space, he always did. He thought it was because of what Tony said, but the truth was much worse than that. She couldn’t stand being around him. He would do anything for her and that thought was so suffocating, especially after the conversation, that all she wanted was to abandon him completely. It wasn’t for her good, it was for his. She would always push him away, she would always hurt him in some way, and he would always come back, no matter how hard she kicked him.

Eliza only realized she was running when she came to a halt in front of the memorial established downtown. Their names were engraved golden on the metal plate. The Battle of New York. A silent reminder of the day the sky opened up and aliens invaded the planet. Proof that humans weren’t alone in the universe, after all.

She’d torn apart the last piece of them she had left to prove a point. It was pathetic. Those were just names on a plate, meaning the world to people. The faces lay scattered on Tony’s office floor. People read the sign and remembered the destruction. No one cared about the faces behind the names, unlike they used to.

They used to be a family. The names on the sign slowly grew into strangers. Eliza felt like everyone else, bystanders watching from the outside. Just names, no faces. Those heroes saved the world once, but that was all they were. The memories of happier times slipped further away. It seemed like she’d watched the time fly by from her little bubble like she hadn’t been part of life back then, only a watcher amid the public eye.

She’d told Natasha once, “I’m afraid that if I accept this to be true, if I accept this one good thing for myself, that I’m gonna lose it eventually. Because there has never been anything good in my life before and I’m scared. Good things don’t come to people like me, not without a price.“

How right she’d been. Yet she was foolish enough to accept Natasha’s reassurance. “Stark may not be the most promising person, but I think he’s onto something with this group,” she’d said. “You deserve this more than anyone. You deserve to be part of a family. No one’s gonna take that away from you. I can’t speak for the rest, but I, for one, will always be there for you.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

I guess always was a lie, too.

Eliza wiped her nose. “No,” she whined. “Get out of my head!”

The sight must have looked insane. Anyone walking by could have easily mistaken her for a psychotic.

Why? It’s not like I’m doing anything.

“Then why the fuck are you talking to me?”

I’m… not?

“Liar.”

Well, to be fair, you kind of brought this upon yourself. The young woman looked like her. Same hair, same body type, same eyes, but there was something eerily different about her too. In every nightmare she had, the demons didn’t have a face. She was tormented by memories and self-deprecating thoughts.

If hell was real, she assumed this was how Satan and all her demons spoke because she hated it and it made her want to die.

Did you really think you could continue lying to yourself?

“Peter, hey,” she spoke as soon as the line of her phone clicked. “How are you?”

“Liz?” the boy’s confused voice sounded from the other end.

“Hi!”

“Is everything okay?”

She silently wiped the snot from her nose. “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” she said, and then she laughed. She laughed as if what she’d said was the truth.

“Oh, you just usually don’t call me unless it’s urgent,” he said. “So I thought something happened. Is it the Avengers? Do we have a mission?”

“Yeah, about that…”

He’s not gonna understand.

“What?” The school bell rang distinctively in the background. “I actually have class right now, so if it’s not that important and you don’t mind, maybe you could make it quick? Or perhaps call back another time? Not- not that I think what you have to say isn’t important. It always is! It’s just- I’m kind of behind with my grades and stuff and I really want to get into MIT. Spider-Man has really been kicking my ass lately.” He chuckled.

You’re gonna hurt him.

Eliza copied him. “It’s fine. I just- I have something to tell you and all I ask of you is to just listen. Can you do that?” she asked.

There was a pause. “Okay,” Peter agreed. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m officially done with the Avengers. That’s the truth.”

And you can’t change who you truly are.

“What-”

“Hear me out. Don’t say anything. Please.”

Don’t fool yourself again.

“O-okay.”

“Truth is, I’m done, Peter. I’m no longer an Avenger and I no longer want to be. Tony said some things… he said and did some things and I just- I quit. I know you look up to him, it’s your thing. You see him as a mentor and I want you to continue doing that, but my time here is over. It was the second Steve got onto that ship, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. I tried to stay strong, and I tried to keep my faith, but I can’t. You’re too young, you haven’t known them as long as I have – hell, you didn’t know them at all. It’s a good thing, Peter, because that means you’re still innocent. There’s still hope,” she said.

The tears clogged up her throat and it was getting significantly harder to breathe. “I know you wanted us to be friends and I’ll continue being there for you, but it’s time I face the facts. The Avengers are done, at least the way I know them. I should’ve left earlier. It was only a matter of time before this would all escalate. There are some things you can’t be involved with, like the things I’m about to do, the things you’re gonna hear about me… The less you know the better.”

The cabby stopped where she told him to, his head turned patiently, waiting for her payment. She exhaled into the phone.

“Eliza, you’re scaring me,” Peter’s voice was small.

“Don’t be,” she told him. “There’s nothing to be scared of. I’m just trying to make amends before it’s too late, that’s all.”

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but it sounds like you need me right now. Maybe I should-”

“Drop my number, Peter. It’s for the best.”

“What, no!”

“I’m sorry.”

The phone cracked between her fingers. Glass scratched the inside of her palm. She watched as the broken device fell to the ground. She stepped on it, once, twice, until it was nothing but flat garbage. The SIM card was broken entirely, and the tracker was disabled and gone for good. Tony didn’t have anything on her anymore. She could go wherever she wanted, do what she wanted and say what she wanted. She didn’t need him and he didn’t need her. It was over. She was free. Though if that had been the truth, she should’ve felt that way, too. She didn’t. Instead, she felt fucking trapped. She felt chained. War was only just beginning.

Eliza stood alone in the middle of downtown New York. There were no walls around her, not a shield to protect her. People bumped into her on their way down the street. The briefcases of businessmen dressed in black suits hit the back of her knee, making her stumble left to right. They were all so focused on themselves, she was nothing but a mere rock in the way that could be pushed aside. In our most natural habitat, we’re all selfish assholes focused solely on whatever target we’ve set our minds to.

The voices were so loud, she could hear the conversations overlapping. Her ears were ringing. Emotions swarmed the air like an army of mosquitos. The tornado was heading straight for the village, strong enough to destroy everything in its path.

Congratulations, Eliza. You just fucked up everything good in your life.

“We’re a team,” she remembered Steve saying. “Ain’t getting one without the other.”

“I think Steve might be onto something,” Wanda came up to her one night. “I don’t know a lot about working as a team, but you guys make it seem easy. Makes me want to try and be better, you know.”

“You might just be the last straw holding this team together,” Natasha said shortly before they arrived at the UN, a dreaded talk on the plane after the events in Lagos.

“We knew this would happen eventually.” The worst part wasn’t the words coming out of Steve’s mouth, it was the way he said them. He sat in the dark, glass of Scotch in hand, blue eyes endless like the dead sea. “In the end, I don’t think we were meant to be,” he said. “Every great hero falls eventually. I think this is it. This is our fall.”

She begged him to stop, begged him to find another way, but to no avail. You can fill in the blanks on this one.

At the airport in Berlin, she looked at her friends for the last time. She had the choice between helping Steve or staying on Tony’s good side. Back then, she truly believed in him. She promised her loyalty. As she watched her friends get carried away though, her heart screamed, “You made the wrong choice!”

Eliza crossed the corner into an alley just in time. She pressed against the brick wall, the darkness shielding her from the tourists and native New Yorkers crowding the streets. So many people, and so little space. The walls caved in on her. There was so much oxygen in the air and yet not enough to make its way into her lungs the way it was supposed to.

She tore the hoodie over her head. Sweat ran down her spine. Her chest ached and the burning was only getting worse. She tried to breathe - she tried to exhale, inhale, then exhaled again. She tried everything she could think up in her fogged-up brain, but the air tore through her lungs like a flaming fire.

She threw her head back. The stone dug into her skull. Her fingers tingled. Thousand little ants covered her skin. She scratched, she gasped, but the animals fed at her like a cannibal’s teeth. The sea brought its waves higher, water filling her chest, choking on salt. She was trying to stay afloat, but it was getting harder and harder to breathe and the current grew strong enough to pull her down.

Tony was going to let the press eat her alive, and in tow with the press came Secretary Ross. She only read the first couple of pages of the Accords, but it clearly stated that any kind of mission had to be approved by the government first. Even just the suspicion of risk had to be shared before hunting down leads. No playing the hero without the official ‘go’. Those were the rules. She broke them, clean through. She was playing the vigilante, jumping into the line of fire, using the dark web for answers. She believed Hydra was still out there and she had proof, too. She was obligated to tell Secretary Ross since Tony refused to listen - technically. Technically, she was supposed to be the good girl and wait. Sit down, look pretty. Technically.

Eliza was never one to accept technicalities. She rather fought for what she believed in instead of following the rules. It was foolish, she knew that. It was stupid, reckless, and lacking common sense. She was aware of all of that and yet when it came to her gut, she knew she could count on it.

Secretary Ross would arrest her the second he found out. He’d incarcerate her. She didn’t even want to imagine what they’d do to her in prison. Being an Avenger she might as well just walk naked into a lion’s den.

Hydra was out there. They were more than willing to kill her. While she was hiding in an alley, tucked away from the world, there were people out there getting kidnapped for human experiments. The only thing standing between Hydra and success was Eliza and maybe Daredevil, but she was the bigger threat.

Eliza loathed herself. She hated her body, hated the mind she was in. None of what she had on her felt like it belonged there. She didn’t deserve the powers, she didn’t deserve the love and care she received. Her existence was trouble, it brought danger to everyone close to her. She was cursed. She knew she was cursed, she had to be.

You care too much about people - you might just be digging your own grave.

“Hey, lady, you alright?” the homeless man next to the trash container leaned over. She hadn’t realized he was there.

Eliza blinked through the smoke standing up to her ears. “What?” she wasn’t even sure the words came out.

“You look a bit pale. Want some beer?”

She shook her head. “I- I need to get out of here.” Her fight or flight response was damaged, she knew that better than anyone. She needed to get out, she needed to go somewhere safe. Somewhere no one could find her. Somewhere she wouldn’t be recognized.

Sure you do. Run. It’s all you know how to do. Run from the truth, run from who you are.

She bumped into someone. “Sorry,” she apologized.

People turned to the disturbed woman running through the masses. She paved the way by elbowing her assailants in the ribs. She ran without destination. She knew New York like the back of her hand, but the many sounds and the people made it hard to focus on the map she had painted up in her head.

Can’t you see everyone is lying to you? Open your eyes. This is all a lie.

“Stop it! Get out of my head!”

Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie. We’re stuck together now.

“Who are you?” Something high and sharp pierced her eardrum.

I’m you. The real you.

She couldn’t see five things, only the sun blinding her into oblivion. The white stairs set in stone seemed like enough of a haven. She jumped the steps and through the gigantic doors, not knowing exactly where she was until she smelled the distant scent of candles, rosemary, and roses. Three things she could smell. That was a good start. She closed her eyes and felt the cold of the steel doors, the cool air on her heated skin, and the marble under her boots. The world finally seemed to slow down. The walls put space between them. She breathed. It wasn’t good, but it was better than nothing.

“Can I help you?” the voice startled her. She reached into the back of her jeans only to realize she wasn’t carrying any weapons.

Wide eyes looked around. It was no wonder the voice echoed off the walls. She stood in one of the largest rooms she’d ever seen. The windows were painted with colorful pictures - pictures that told stories almost every child knew. Wooden benches paved the hallway. Marble walls stood high and mighty above them, almost threatening.

The balding man lifted his arms with a smile. “I come in peace,” he said.

Eliza took another look around. “I-“ she exhaled. “I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Please, this door is open to anyone. Would you like to sit down for a moment, catch your breath?”

She hugged her arms around her torso. Her legs did feel kind of wobbly. “Yeah,” she said, “sitting sounds good.”

She followed him to the closest bench. He took place next to her, but he didn’t speak until she found her sound again.

“I’m sorry, I’ve never been to church before. This is all very new to me.”

“You seem like you’ve been looking for a safe space,” the man said. “There’s no place safer than church.”

“What do I call you? Sir? Or is it Father?”

He chuckled softly. “I’m Father Paul Lantom, but you may address me however you like. You want to tell me your name?”

“Eliza,” she told him.

“Well, Eliza, what are you running from?”

“I don’t know, life. I gave up everything I once knew, abandoned the people I loved - it was all I had left and I threw it all away. I thought I did the right thing. But now… I think I just made a huge mistake. Oh, God,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that. Fuck!”

“Do you want to talk about it? I promise I won’t tell. I’m a priest, I’m under the oath of confession, no matter what you tell me.”

She wiped her cheeks. “So you’re like a therapist in a cloak?”

Father Lantom laughed. “If that’s what you want to call it, sure,” he said. “I can tell you don’t have the best relationship with church. Would you still like to talk?”

“I don’t know. Faith and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms,” she said.

“Religious trauma, I take it?”

“How’d you know?”

“Well, religion is supposed to be comforting. You don’t appear comfortable.”

“I’m not.”

“You don’t have to see this as confession. When you say you struggle with faith, that’s your thing. I won’t talk you into something you don’t want to. God wouldn’t want that. You can just sit here and compose yourself in silence if that’s what you’d like. I’m just going to lend you some company and an open ear, if the need arises, to make sure you’re alright.”

Eliza frowned. “What does God want, exactly?” she asked. “Why does he let bad things happen to people?”

“God isn’t a person,” the father explained. “He’s a spirit, a deity. He’s a name, not a face. He’s whatever you believe, whatever you want him to be. Some people might see God in their pets, while others simply see him as a voice of guidance. Others don’t acknowledge his presence at all and still believe faith will show them their way. It’s not about God, it’s about what’s in your heart. Despite what a lot of people think, he’s not in control of the world. Things happen, some bad, some good, and some might be even considered a miracle. But he’s not a hero. He’s our hope, our faith, and with these two things you can turn bad things into good ones. For yourself, for others. That’s the thing about religion, about God, about faith – you don’t have to believe in him for him to have your back. Just because you’re an atheist doesn’t mean you’re going to hell. God doesn’t differentiate. We’re all the same in his eyes. Metaphorical eyes, of course.”

She clung to his every word. What once used to be forced on her seemed like a whole different thing now. The faith she used to have was twisted. It wasn’t God she prayed to, it was the face of evil. Hearing father Lantom’s words changed something inside of her; it opened the doors to her heart. She pulled her knee up to her chest. The candles on the altar in the front flickered with the comfortably cold chill.

“I abandoned my old life to do something I believe in,” she decided to tell him. “Does that make me a bad person?”

“You say you believe in it?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it your purpose?”

“I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure that out.”

“Look inside yourself,” Father Lantom said. “Do you have to do it? Could you do something else and still get the same results? Do you live for it, or do you think about it at night because you can’t get it out of your head? Does it feel right, when you think about it?”

She answered instantly, “Yes, to all of it.”

“Then it’s your purpose. You made that decision for a reason. You wouldn’t have abandoned your old life to pursue something you only believe half of. Also, if it was so easy to abandon it all, maybe it wasn’t meant to stay that way in the first place. There’s always something waiting for you out there, sometimes it just takes some time for you to find it. It may come in the shape of a task, a purpose, or maybe even a person. And sometimes it’s all of that combined into one.“

“What if I’m not sure yet? What if I still question if I did the right thing?”

“You’re going to find the answer,” he stated. “Sometimes it just takes a while. That is something God can’t do for you. He can only guide you in the right direction.“

“Yeah, but how do I know that?”

“Let me tell you this: when the time comes, you‘ll know. There’s no guide to faith. When you’re on the right path, you’ll know because you’ll feel it deep in your heart.”

Eliza lowered her head. “I never saw it like that,” she admitted.

“Hardly anyone does.” He smiled. “Faith isn’t a task to be accomplished. You have to open your heart to it and when you do, you also have to enjoy it. It has to make you comfortable. If it doesn’t, it may not be the right time for you.”

She thought about it. No pressure, that’s what he was saying. She always thought religion, and going to church, always came with the pressure to dedicate yourself to the cause. She’d always imagined it had to be the way Matt saw God – having blind faith, always. Once in, you can’t pull back out. Just like that.

This time, Eliza felt comforted.

“So does God ever send you, I don’t know, signs?” she asked him then.

“The way you’re asking I assume you’ve been asking yourself this for a while now,” Lantom replied.

“Yeah, you could say that. A couple of days now, actually.”

“You met someone?”

“Yeah, how did you-“

“I’ve got a lot of people asking me this particular question lately. It’s like a global epidemic has broken out.” Eliza chuckled. He smiled at that. “Everyone’s seeing signs of God everywhere. It sounds crazy, and it probably is too, but I think it’s nice to hear some positive things for a chance. God knows I haven’t been getting much peace.”

“So it is possible?”

“Everything can be a sign, Eliza.”

“It’s like God sent me an Angel,” she blurted out. At this point, the confessions came straight out of the bottle. It wouldn’t stop. “When I first met him, I didn’t think much about it, but the things he makes me feel… no one has ever taken care of me the way he does. He understands me. He came when I needed him most – no, I needed someone and then he was just there and everything made sense. Or well, the things that need to make sense make sense, the rest is just… blegh.”

“You want to have my advice?”

“Sure, why not.”

“Seems like this is something you should pursue before it slips through your fingers.”

“He’s just so good.”

“Who’s to say you don’t deserve it? Nothing good is ever truly good and nothing bad is ever truly bad. You can’t sabotage yourself just because you think the good things aren’t meant for you.”

“They usually don’t come to me,” she argued. “Or when they do, they break.”

“That’s fear talking. You can’t let that take over.”

“But-“

“Stop making excuses. Someone you speak so highly of seems like someone you should keep around. Maybe he is a sign of God, maybe not. Does it really matter?”

Eliza pursed her lips. “This all just seems so surreal.”

“I know it does.” Father Lantom slowly rose from the bench. She looked up at him. “Think about it,” he said. “And when you need any more guidance, you know where to find me.”

“Father,” she pulled at his robe, “Thank you,” she said.

He smiled, patting her hand. “Anytime, Eliza.”

“Would you, uh, mind if I went to the altar and tried to pray?”

“This is a church. Why would I mind?”

His playfulness awoke a feeling of warmth within her. She nodded with a smile, excusing herself and making the long road toward the front. The cross hung high as Jesus lay nailed to it. She knelt, the steps turning colder beneath her knees.

“You know, when all else fails,” he turned back to her on his way to his chambers, “Talking to God almost always leads to revelations. He listens, even when you think he doesn’t.”

Eliza crossed her chest. She’d seen it in movies, but there was usually a lot more holy water involved. Father Lantom made her believe that there was no wrong way to speak to God. There was no right way to believe. She stared at the altar. How easy it must come to Matt, the times he went to church, the times he went to confession. It was almost like second nature to him. He carried his faith close to his heart, always.

“I don’t know how to pray,” she admitted into the high walls of the church. “But I’ll try because I need something to believe in. I tried to hold on to hope like I was taught. I thought I could do this on my own. God, I was so wrong. I have neither hope nor do I have my life under control,” she said.

Eliza stared up at the angels set into the ceiling. They soared across the sky, watching over her. God isn’t a face. Though as she looked up, she could’ve sworn she saw a silhouette in the clouds. Hidden between the angels and the endless blue, she liked to believe she wasn’t talking to a ghost.

“I’m kneeling here right now with nothing left to lose,” she said. Her knees ached, but she suffered through it. She suffered in the hope that if she surrendered completely, the sky would provide her with answers. “I have these powers raging through me, powers I don’t even know the full extent of. They’re- they’re changing the way I’m changing, and they’re growing, they’re getting stronger, and I’m so scared of what’s gonna happen next. I’m scared of what’s about to happen to me. It’s different when almost no one believes you. It’s just that everything and everyone’s slipping away from me. I’m scared I might even lose the last good thing in my life before this is all over.”

She sounded so desperate, so broken. Her cheeks were wet from the tears, lips salty with the taste. She was on her knees, begging, crying out; she felt like a little girl all over again. Submissive, at the edge of the cliff.

“I’ve been surviving for so long, I forgot what living feels like. No one’s taught me how to. And I can’t live, not like this, not when the fate of the world is on my shoulders. I just need a sign, anything, to know I can win this. That all the pain was worth it. It’s tearing me apart. I don’t know how to hope anymore. I regained some faith in this, in you, and for the first time, I feel like I have a hold on religion. But these people I’m hunting, they’re set out to destroy everything in their path. I can’t keep faith knowing I might just lose everything.”

Her lip quivered, “I can’t lose him, God, I can’t,” she said. “I like to think he came around for a reason, perhaps even a sign from you. He’s led by his faith and his grief, and all he cares about is doing the right thing. He thinks you gave him a purpose. Maybe this is mine. Maybe this is what I was made for, though I haven’t quite figured out what this is. I just know he’s with me and I’d be damned to lose him.

“I promise to worship at your feet every day from now on if it means we make it out of this alive, that these men get what’s coming for them. I’d do anything for that sliver of happiness. I need to finish this chapter once and for all. If I have to die to ensure everyone’s safety, I will. I’d do just about anything, I swear. Just make sure the people I care about don’t suffer for my mistakes. This is my battle. My sacrifice. No one else deserves to die.”

“You have so much love left to give,” Natasha’s voice sounded in the back of her head. “Don’t throw that away. Fight for what you want. No matter the cost.”

“I’m willing to pay every price,” Eliza spoke, God as her witness. “I’m done being in pain. I want to believe in you the way Matt does. I do. I need to win. I need this. I’ve sacrificed too much. God,” she cried. “Just this once I am begging for you to listen to me. I know I’ve committed many sins, and I know I’m probably going to hell, but if there’s at least some salvation left for you to give me, I promise I’ll be forever grateful. I’m going straight now. No one deserves to suffer the consequences of my actions but myself.“

You need to learn to take responsibility.

“I’m your disciple,” she swore.

I’ve been struggling with questions of identity as of late.

“Just don’t let me down, please. God, I’m begging you!”

Who am I?

“I need answers. I don’t know if I’ll be able to find them, but I have to try. What I’m about to do, I’m gonna do for a reason. Please, forgive me.”

He listens, even when you think he doesn’t.

She crossed her chest. “Amen.”

In the corner, where the confessional booth had its place, father Lantom watched from the safety of darkness.

“Lord, have mercy on her,” he quietly prayed. “Give her all the strength you have because that girl needs it.”

Eliza rose from the marble stairs. She was fragile, barely an adult. Deep down, she’d missed so much, she just wished to be a child again. She needed to lay in the comforting arms of her parents. All the things she’d lost, she just wanted back.

Father Lantom copied her, crossing his chest. His face had fallen, a worried crease above his brows. The shadow next to him shifted.

“I hope all that praying was worth it.” He watched her strut the hallway towards the door. “And I hope to God he listened to a word she said or else our boy’s gonna be in a lot of trouble.”

Sunlight fell on the face beside him. Soft features had all crumbled up in worry. She stared up at the father, the crucifix clutched tightly between her thin fingers.

“You think it’s her?” the woman asked.

“Hmm. I could tell the second she stepped in.“

“What should we do?”

“Nothing,” father Lantom stated. “If I learned one thing from listening to his confessions all those years, it’s that Matthew is his father’s son. He doesn’t give up, even when he should.“

“I wish he did,” she sighed. “Just once, I wish he’d stop.”

The metal doors fell shut with a loud bang. Eliza’s steps disappeared onto the streets of Hell’s Kitchen, swallowed by sun-hungry people and the summer air.

Father Lantom gave the nun a gentle smile. “Your son is resilient, Maggie. He never goes down without a fight, and he also never loses. Besides,” he looked over at the empty bench in the back, “I think Matthew finally found a match that doesn’t completely manipulate him.”

Maggie kissed the cross in her hands. “I just hope you’re right,” she said.

The last thing she wanted was to lose her son before she even got the chance to explain herself to him.

Matt could hear Eliza's heartbeat from miles away. He picked her up around the area of Clinton Church, but his abilities didn't quite place her in the confines of his favorite place in Hell's Kitchen, neither did he manage to pick up the father's signature voice serenading her and taking away some of the built-up anxiety. By the time he sought her out, she was on the run again, on the way to her apartment and then, sometime later, carefully making her way to the closest taxi cab.

She told the driver to stop two blocks from his apartment building. On her way, she made sure to take extra turns just in case someone was following her. He figured the action was intentional, just something she had gotten used to, and she wasn’t going to stop, especially not in times like these.

Then, her scent filled his nostrils, followed by the steady thump, thump, thump of her heart. She came in and the world lit up. Her presence brought fresh air into the four walls he called home. Though there was something about the way she acted. Her voice dropped a few octaves, her steps dragging tiredly across the wooden floor. It made him worry. He wondered what happened. Even the last spark he had seen hours before had vanished completely, lost somewhere on the dirty streets outside.

Foggy had poked around, asking him all kinds of questions about the night before after he quickly showed his face in the office. He asked about Eliza and if he could get her number to check on her, just to see if she had gotten home alright. Even Karen worried. Any normal person would be after the events that took place at the party. The worst part was that Matt had to make them believe that everything turned out alright.

“I walked her home,” he lied. “She’s… what can be expected. Stark really got to her but I, uh, figured it out. She’s okay.”

“Man, that sucks,” Foggy pouted at him. “I thought he was the good guy.”

Karen only laughed sarcastically at his words. “Won’t make that mistake again, will you, Foggy?”

“No. No, I guess I won’t. I’m sorry. Tell her that.”

Matt wasn’t planning on it.

“Don’t you have a front door?” Eliza asked from the staircase that lead from the rooftop to his apartment. “I mean, when you said ‘backdoor’, I imagined a ground-floor apartment, not this.” She gestured to the controversial entrance.

“I thought it would be better if no one saw you coming,” he said.

She hummed. No smart remark, not a single joke, nothing. The wood creaked underneath her boots. He tilted his head to listen closer. He analyzed the way she inhaled, slightly quivering with every second drag, and her voice was significantly more hoarse.

She placed what he suspected to be a duffel bag on the leather couch. “I made sure no one was following me,” she stated, concerning his earlier words, no doubt.

“Yeah, I heard.” He felt stupid just standing there, but he didn’t know what else to do.

“So you’re stalking me now?” What was meant as a joke sounded way more serious.

“What if I were?” he asked.

“I’d be offended, but given the circumstances, I’d forgive you.”

Matt chuckled. He moved over to the kitchen, his steps methodical, knowing exactly where he needed to go, yet his arms stretched further from his body in case something might end up in his path.

“You want anything?”

Eliza looked over at him. “Sorry, what?” she said.

“You want anything?” he repeated his question patiently. He opened the fridge, his bicep straining against the white dress shirt that hung clad to his torso. He had long discarded the suit jacket and the sleeves were rolled up. “I’ve got beer, wine, and water. That’s about it. I, uh, don’t keep many groceries here. I have some leftovers from the Thai place around the corner. Oh, and there’s an apple. It’s all that’s left from the gift basket I got from our last client.”

She chuckled. The truth was, her heart hurt. Not just her head but her soul. The new environment made her feel exposed. At least at the church, she had found solace. Under Matt’s gaze which wasn’t even a gaze, to begin with, but an even closer observation of her behavior, she felt naked. She felt vulnerable. He saw right through her, still trying to cover it up to allow her some modesty, but goddamnit, she knew that he knew something wasn’t quite right. He could probably smell the holy water on her. He could smell the sweat of anxiety, the dried tears, and the blood from gnawing on her lip too much. She wanted to run, though she decided against it since he would’ve found her sooner or later anyway. She couldn’t hide from Daredevil, not anymore.

“Have you eaten yet?” he asked. “You sound exhausted.”

“I’m fine,” Eliza intercepted.

He fiddled with the fridge’s door handle. “Are you sure?”

“I’m fine, really,” she said.

“Hm.” She was lying to him.

Against her claims, he handed her a glass of tap water. His nod motioned for her to drink. A silent demand. She lowered her head. It worked. She took a small sip, keeping her eyes on him as he brushed past her, hand ghosting against her lower arm. He didn’t have to speak for her to know.

Once again, she looked around the apartment. The sun was slowly coming down, darkening most of the apartment and if it hadn’t been for the gigantic billboard across the building, she would’ve been wandering in the dark.

The billboard would’ve been quite a nuisance to a seeing person. There couldn’t be many people who would volunteer to take such an apartment for longer periods unless they were, like Matt, blind. He probably found the soft buzzing at night comforting.

Eliza felt drawn to the different pictures flashing across the screen. She walked up to the window to take a peek outside. The glass was slightly milky in its natural state, slightly discolored too, but that’s what interested her in the first place. The architecture of the place fascinated her. It suited Matt, although it was nothing like what she had expected.

She wiped at the window, removing some of the fog caused by the sudden change of temperature inside. Matt liked his apartment cold, she realized. The windows couldn’t keep up with the presence of two people without condensation starting to prickle at the edges.

The billboard showed a commercial for an insurance company. Ridiculous, she thought. He probably didn’t even know about the kinds of pictures that flashed across his windows every night. Insurance companies, condoms, groceries, and from time to time, tv show announcements. Not that he would even care about the show that was put on in front of his apartment. It was new to her, all of this. He had a different perception of things. What she found annoying, he enjoyed. What he hated, she considered normal. She couldn’t see herself falling asleep to condom advertisements, but the colors were nice, so maybe it wasn’t all too bad even for a sighted person after all.

Matt chuckled behind her. “Say it,” he said.

“Say what?” she asked.

“You think it’s annoying.”

“What?”

“The billboard.”

“Well, this place is a shithole.” She shrugged, “but I don’t know, I think it’s a nice shithole.”

His chuckle transcended into laughter. “Yeah,” he grinned into his glass, “Sounds about right.”

“Rent’s probably through the roof, right?”

“Oh, yeah. I got a discount because of the Billboard since no one else would take it, but it’s still a lot. Especially for someone who doesn’t even make money.”

“Expensive shithole then,” she said.

He nodded. “Expensive shithole.”

The apartment's location was unfortunate, but the room itself wasn’t all that awful. Eliza stopped at the small wooden desk that stood in front of what appeared like a supply closet. Files were scattered around, a braille printer to one side and a laptop to the other. She traced her fingers over the rough wood, feeling the dots on the papers. She wished she could read Braille, but it seemed like a hard task to learn.

“Thank you for inviting me over,” she said.

“Sure, yeah,” he said. “How was your, uh, meeting with Stark?”

Eliza stiffened.

“You know what, forget it.” He placed his hands on his hips. “I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.”

She didn’t wait. “I quit.” Her nails dug into the paper. “I tore up our family picture and then I left.”

“What?”

“I left. I just… left.”

“Well, that’s- are you alright?”

“He knows about us, Matt!” The words came in a single breath.

“What?” he asked.

“Not about you, about Daredevil.” she had to clarify. “He knows we’ve been working together,” Eliza said. “He’s known ever since our second night together. The press caught wind of it. He said he was the only one between the news and Secretary Ross. If he found out-”

“You’d go to jail,” Matt stated. She nodded weakly. “Fuck! How did they- what is Stark gonna do now? He has to have a plan, right? He won’t just tell everyone. That’s not like him. Tell me that’s not like him.”

She couldn’t do that. She wasn’t sure if it was like him. In the past? Definitely not. After what she experienced in the past couple of days? Who knew?

“He said if I walked out that door, he wouldn’t protect me anymore.”

“God…Tell me you didn’t just walk out. At least not without negotiating a deal first.”

“I walked out.”

“Damn it, Eliza!”

“I don’t care!” her voice cracked. “I don’t care, okay? Ross can arrest me, I don’t fucking care! I realize that now. I don’t care, even if it lands me in jail. The Accords are stupid rules. Why should I have to live by them anymore?” she said. “The Avengers are toast anyway. It’s not like I’m hurting anyone who doesn’t deserve it. I’m not making entire cities float. I’m simply fighting a fight no one else wants to. If that means breaking the rules, so be it.”

He began to pace the room. “This can’t be happening…” One of his hands got tangled in the mess of brown locks on his head.

“It’s not about him. It’s not about me. This is about doing the right thing. You taught me that!”

Matt turned around. “Do you even realize how much danger you are in?!” It was the first time he yelled at her and he regretted it the second the sound had finished bouncing his way across the apartment, and it slapped her right across the face.

Eliza swallowed hard. “I-” she blew air through her nose. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” he cooed softly. He took a few steps closer. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“No, don’t touch me!” She shied away. Her armor faltered. The leather of the couch welcomed her with open arms. Teardrops pearled off the fabric, leaving even darker spots where the liquid slipped from her skin.

He wanted to punch himself. “I’m so sorry.” He slowly fell to one knee next to the armrest. “I didn’t mean it. I’m not angry at you,” he assured her, but his words meant nothing. She was scared.

Once again, she backed away until her thigh hit her duffel bag and she had to stop in the middle of the couch so as not to throw her belongings on the ground. Her hand remained in the air, a silent warning. He didn’t move, he remained on the floor, even though his knees hurt from the wood and he could feel his stitches barely holding on for dear life. He didn’t care though. This was his fault.

She lowered her head. “I didn’t sign up for this,” she whispered. “I didn’t sign up for any of this.”

“I know you didn’t. The reason I yelled-“ he sighed, “The reason I yelled was not that I’m angry at you. It’s not your fault. I just don’t want you to get arrested. They’d put you into special containment. They would lock you up for good,” he explained. “From what I’ve heard, enhanced individuals are considered flight risks to the government, so if you were to get arrested, they could easily use that to their advantage. I can’t let that happen.”

Eliza nodded quietly.

“I was wrong to raise my voice. I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she whispered.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. I- I just don’t want you to get arrested because of me,” he said.

“But it wouldn’t be because of you.”

“No, it would be. You know why?”

“No ‘cause I’m not a lawyer,” she told him.

He hung his head, chuckling. “In the eyes of the law, Daredevil is a criminal. I read the Accords after we met. I wanted to know how far you’re allowed to go. You know they don’t just apply to you as a group?”

She shrugged. Her fingers fiddled with the necklace around her neck. She had forgotten it was still there. A nervous tick he had picked up on when he first met her at the police station, out of his costume.

“You know.” He nodded slowly. “I figured. You read them.”

“The first few pages,” she said.

“Not all of it?”

“No, it bored me.”

He shook his head.

“What I read though, I remember. I remember every word.”

“Alright. Well, the Accords state that you’re not allowed to work on missions without the government’s consent,” he said. “You cannot take any cases that haven’t been checked out by either the Secretary or his committee, and when they say you have to pull out, you have to comply. You’re a dog on a leash. Or, the Avengers are. Since you signed them, you are legally obligated to follow the Accords. If you break them, you’re automatically breaking the law. You’ll become a felon, there will be court proceedings, and then, depending on the extent of the crime, you could go to jail.”

“You did your research, huh?”

“It’s not just a rule book,” he insisted. “The Accords are the law now.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Eliza snapped at him.

“I know you do.”

“Then why are you trying to make me feel bad?”

“I’m not! I’m trying to tell you that the rules that apply to the Avengers as a group apply to you as well. You each have to follow the rules, even outside of working together. And you know why? Because you’re not the ordinary human population. The government doesn’t want you guys allowed to roam freely.”

“If I do anyway, I’ll go to jail. Yes, I’m aware. Hey,” she asked, “where are you going with this?”

“This whole thing is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode! These people can prove you’re working with me, that we were with Pfeiffer that night… They have the means to destroy you. Because of me, you’re in danger. That is where I’m going with this.”

“Oh, not this again.”

“You know, perhaps it’s better if we part ways. Spend some time apart until all of this has calmed down.”

“I made my choice!” Eliza cried. “This decision is entirely on me. My life, my rules. I take responsibility for what I did, and for what I’m about to do. This has nothing to do with you. You want to save this city? So do I.”

His breath came in hot, labored puffs of air.

“It’s not just some personal agenda that drives me, I actually care about the people! Don’t make this about you, Matt, not right now.”

“I’m not making this about me!” he argued. “I’m just trying to take care of you. I can’t do that if you’re in the crosshairs.”

“I’ve been in the crosshairs from the beginning. I grew up with several targets on my back. Even the law has known me for as long as I can remember.”

“What if I can’t protect you anymore, what then?”

“Then I’ll die!”

“I don’t want you to die!” He was yelling without even raising his voice, something she had done the night of the party after she found out who he truly was. They weren’t so much different after all.

Eliza wiped her cheeks. There weren’t any tears. She wasn’t crying, she doubted she had any tears left to shed, but she wanted to. The feeling burned in the back of her throat.

“We’ve still got time,” she said.

“Time? We’re running against time, Eliza! I may not be able to read the clock, but I know when a timer is running out.”

“I just have to be careful! We’re in this together now, Matt. We were the second you jumped into that Butcher shop to save my ass. Your desperate need to push me away just to protect me can’t control you. I’m not going anywhere. You gotta deal with that or else we’re gonna have a problem.”

“No, you’re gonna have a problem because you’re the one whose life is in danger and whose freedom is being jeopardized just by being with me. This- this isn’t a joke. This is your life you’re gambling with, you realize that, right?”

“I’m trying to tell you that I don’t want you to leave me!” she cried out. “Don’t you get that? I don’t want you to go.”

Matt’s eyes softened. “What?” he said.

Her bottom lip tangled with her teeth in a desperate attempt to stop it from quivering. Like her entire body though, she kept shaking. It was deadly quiet when she spoke again, and her voice paid the price, “You’re all I have left.”

He rose from the floor, situating himself on the couch next to her. She curled in on herself, too scared to even look at him. He reached his hand out. “Eliza-”

“You promised you’d be there for me,” she said. “That’s what I need you to do. To be there.”

“I’m not leaving,” he breathed.

“Are you sure because you seemed pretty convinced just now?”

“No.” He reached for her. This time, she let him. He tugged at her arm, gently at first, though when she didn’t get the hint, he hooked his arm around hers and pulled her towards him. She fell into his open arms only hesitantly. “I just don’t want to watch you die, okay?” he admitted. “And I don’t want them to take you away.”

“Maybe you can take me away,” she muttered. Her hand began to claw at his chest, her lifeline.

He chuckled breathlessly. “And where would I take you?”

“When this is all over, I mean. I heard Hawaii could be nice.”

“I’ve never been north of 116th street.”

“The more reason for us to change our identities and travel to Hawaii.”

“Sweetheart,” he said, “When this is all over, I will take you anywhere you want.”

They sat like this until the earth finished turning and the sun disappeared. Soft moonlight mixed with the ads crossing the billboard screen. His heart beat steady. She used the sound to come back to her body.

“The world feels so surreal,” she spoke into the comfortable silence. “Like I’m detached from its axis and I’m just spinning there like a broken record, lost alone in the vastness of space.”

She inhaled his cologne. Hints of sweat and rain, and sandalwood on his skin. He was so warm, a human blanket draped over her, almost like a shield from all the evil in this world. His grip tightened around her shoulders; she allowed herself to fall further into the embrace. She allowed herself to drown in his touch.

“It’s like I’m bacteria floating around in an organism, but that bacteria doesn’t have a name yet. I’m just… there. No one knows who I am or what purpose I serve, but what’s for sure is that I’m meant to cause damage.”

“You’re not bacteria,” Matt told her.

“But what if I am? What if I’m the virus? This story seems to depend on my talent to destroy things. Everything’s just gotten worse because of me. Because I got involved.“

“They would’ve found another way to cause damage.”

“If I hadn’t gotten involved, this could’ve been solved without having people die for it,” she said and pushed away from him. His arm caged her, she needed to get out. Matt continued to keep his hands on her. He let her bring space between them, but as she tried to flee, he pulled her back gently so she was facing him.

He didn’t need sight to see that she was burning red. The temperature of her skin mixed with the jitters told him enough to conclude.

“Hey,” he said, “you’re the one who broke this case wide open.”

“I don’t- what if that’s not true?” Eliza sniffled. “What if, in some twisted way, I’m the reason Hydra is doing this? You heard Pfeiffer, they’re trying to make more super soldiers, stronger than ever before,” she said. “They learned from Project Chaos, they saw what Strucker managed to achieve with the Maximoff twins. What if – just, what if – they’re doing this because we survived, and now they’re trying to combine the elements to make something far, far worse than what Wanda and I turned out to be.”

“Yeah, but what if scenarios are just speculation? It’s not real, at least not until it’s proven. What we need to focus on are facts. Plain and simple. Facts are what make cases. That’s our start-of point. Asking yourself what if will only hurt you more. Believe me, I know.”

“What am I supposed to do then?”

“Trust me,” he begged. “That’s all I ask of you.”

Eliza tasted the words on her tongue. She wiped the tears away, though the sticky feeling of dried salt on her cheeks remained heavy. She leaned down slowly, her forehead pressed against Matt’s chest. His hand went around her neck, holding her there. The other rubbed comfortingly up and down her back.

“What does that even mean?” the sound was muffled through the fabric. “I mean, what are we?“ she asked.

Matt ran his thumb along her pulse point. “I’m just as confused as you are,” he admitted. He felt her pulse jump directly behind the skin.

She hummed. “I wish we would’ve met before. You know, before everyone convinced us that life is war.”

He pulled her closer. His chuckle blew through the tiny hairs standing off her scalp. “No one has proved us different,” he said. “Life is war, we were just taught to always fight on the front lines, no matter what happens. We were taught that being soldiers is the default for people like us. And now… now we can’t live without it.”

“We were just kids.”

“We didn’t know any better.”

“Yeah… we still don’t.”

“No,” he smiled, “we don’t.”

Somewhere in the distance, church bells rang out. Reality crept through the cracks in the floorboards and polluted them with its negative energy.

Eliza sat up again. This time, she reached for her duffel bag. “We gotta follow down that lead,” she stated, and so the mask went back on.

The softness of Matt’s features was etched in seriousness. He began to peel the tie off around his throat. It was a fascinating transition. The caring man she knew as Matt Murdock turned within a matter of a few seconds and there he sat Daredevil. He didn’t have to put on the suit, his attitude spoke for itself. There was just something about him, something that enthralled her, even as he turned into a cold piece of stone. She knew there was a broken, gooey nucleus inside – the man he presented on the outside was just an act. He kept the real Matt Murdock under locks, tucked neatly away where no one could find him.

Eliza should’ve felt honored to have him be so vulnerable around her. Yet, she believed there was still plenty to learn about him and this complicated piece of a soul he harbored inside.

“What do you have there?” he asked.

“My suit.” She opened the zipper. “Not the one Tony gave me. It’s my old SHIELD uniform. I asked to keep it before I joined the Avengers. Also,” - the cell phone fell into her hands -“I got a new phone. Tony used mine to track me.”

“So you just keep an arsenal of phones around you?”

“Yeah, why? You don’t?”

“I don’t think that’s something normal people do.”

“I’m not normal,” she stated plainly. “In this line of work, you better come prepared. I have a lot more where this comes from. I could fake my death and no one would know if I wanted to.” Eliza got up. She asked, “Where’s your bathroom?”

Matt pointed in the direction he memorized.

“Thanks.”

Her footsteps disappeared. The door fell shut. She turned the lock twice, making sure it was secure, only then did he hear the shuffling of clothes on the floor. He chose not to invade her privacy. Instead, he made his way into the bedroom. He took the suit draped over the sofa and changed into it with precision. The door stayed open, just in case Eliza came around. He didn’t care if she saw him undressed – hell, he was as open as one could be. Some part of him wanted her to, some perverted part he didn’t want to listen to. Not that he expected an attempt on her life in his apartment, considering no one knew she was there, but he could never be too careful.

His stitches pulled hard. The leather didn’t do much to protect his wounds. He groaned, some sounded louder than he planned to. He was in so much pain, every inch of his body sore, and all he craved was a good night’s sleep. But he couldn’t think about that. There was no time to rest, he told himself. Not until the worst was over.

“You okay?” Eliza stood in the doorway.

Matt struggled with the belt. “Yeah, fine,” he said curtly. His shoulder burned - the one part that wasn’t injured was giving him the most trouble.

“Need any help with that?”

He sighed in relief, nodding. She helped him get the rest of his body tucked into the suit. The leather sat securely around his waist and everywhere else where it needed to; he couldn’t have done it better.

She peaked up at him and he tried his best to reciprocate the action. Judging by her smile, he missed her eyes by miles once again. He chuckled. “Guess I’m getting old,” he said.

“How so?” she questioned.

“My back is killing me.”

“You are, indeed, an old man,” she swatted some dust off his shoulders, “but that’s okay.”

He pinched her side. “Careful. This old man can still kick your ass.”

“Oh. Do I need to have the nursery home on the line?” She spread her thumb and middle finger to the sides, mimicking a phone. “Shall I tell them to book you a single or double room, grandpa?”

The baton flew in her direction. Right before it could hit her in the face, her hand shot up to catch the piece of metal. She switched between him and his weapon, not sure whether to be impressed or annoyed.

“Fuck off!” he said.

She smirked. “I’m getting you back for that.”

Though once the baton was back in the air, his arm was already extended to catch it mid-air, his height offering an opportunity he didn’t miss.

Eliza remembered their first meeting. The way he flipped the sticks of metal expertly, almost like what he was doing right there, in front of her, smug and knowing damn well what he was doing. “Show off,” she said.

Like on the first day, he forced one of the batons into her hand. “Try not to kill anyone,” he retorted.

She saw an opportunity too and she surely didn’t want to miss it. “No promises.”

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 11 months

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Hi i just need to put this into words and possibly get an outside perspective that isnt from my friends and such

I dont know if i can call what i went through as a teen neglect.

This is pretty long sorry, just skip to the end if necessary

TW: Alcoholism, Neglect? Sorry if i missed anything

To explain fully, i was taken out of school in 7th grade due to mental health issues and one very abusive and ableist teacher. That left me alone at home for 80% of the week, which was fine i had plenty of food and such to eat and i preferred being alone to recover from everything. I never went back even once i was "recovered"

But then when i was about 16, my mother's mental took a nosedive. She started having hospital level panic attacks. It wasnt that bad at first, cuz despite everything i still atleast had food and such for when she had to spent a day or maybe two at the hospital, which was rare. I could survive on my own with the limited help i got.

It sucked, my quality of life went from "meh could be better" to "okay uh we're surviving in decent comfort atleast?" In the span of a few months. But it wasnt the worse

Then the new year rolled over and it became worse. My mother took up drinking to cope and that spiralled fast

To the point her hospital visits became weekly almost daily, my life went from "okay i can life like this but i rather not" to "haha, im gonna end up in the hospital too-" in less then a month

I basically lived with my grandmother for a month and, she barely had any food there because they always went out to eat, food wasnt allow upstairs unless you were sick, beds felt worse then wood floors, and she didnt respect my issues

I was pushed aside, i didnt eat more then a mini bag of chips most nights because the only things to eat where expired, take out from places i didnt like, or things i literally cant eat either cuz textures or allergies.

When everything went back to almost normal, there was barely any food at home, i slept in my mother's closet because my old stalker tried breaking into my room while we were gone (also bugs overtook my room because the window was jammed for the rest of the time before we came home because of that) and my mother didnt want us to share her huge bed because i apparently violently slapped and kicked her awake till 3am when we tried (i didnt go to bed till 5am the one week when we tried, and she always woke up at 6am for her meds and such especially during this also we both slept on the very edges)

My mother would sleep all day, only waking up to take her meds and eat and stuff.

Dinner went from a "happens most of the week" thing to "you'll be luckly if you found a warm thing to make and eat"

Basically, i kinda starved often till things calmed down later in the year. I think a broke college student ate and slept better then me that year.

When i was 18 it happened again but i had a job so it wasnt as bad.

I dont blame her for like 40% of that hell, her and my father where going through the 5th messiest divorce of our closeish family has witnessed (tho it was actually kinda tame compared to the top 4 so idk the actual severity), and her mental health was already on decline for reasons that are not mine to tell

But like can i call what happened neglect?? It sounds like it but idk i actually can call it that.

Like yeah i starved most of my time as a 17 year old, slept in a cramped closet during said time, developed back issues cuz of that, was barely able to care for myself due to depression, was subjected to to smell of weed and the smoke from it often despite the fact it makes me extremely sick, was very suicidal, was told i was a burden and was making the situation worse cuz im autistic and was basically the new family afterthought

But like, does it really qualify as neglect and can i call it that if it is? Most adults i talked to at the time, even my old therapist said no because i was "17 and should already know how to care for myself on my own. And shouldnt take the words said in a probably drunken state to heart" but like there no way i could care for myself?? Atleast not without taking less then ideal options. Also that doesnt excuse the extremely hateful things yelled at me???

So im really conflicted here, was it neglect or am i just being overdramatic??? Every therapist ive been able to go to says im just being dramatic but my friends says im not so ????

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. You can most certainly call these experiences neglect if that is a term you would like to use.

Neglect by definition is to fail to care for properly, and by legal definition it's "the failure of a parent or other person with responsibility, for the child to provide needed food, clothing, shelter, medical care, or supervision to." Not only were you not provided sufficient food, but it seems likely that your emotional needs may not have been taken care of either, with an unavailable mother and a disrespectful grandmother. It also sounds like you were not given adequate shelter and medical care, considering where you slept, the bug infestation, and how that affected your development. So yes, in many ways, your experience aligns with neglect.

I think it's important to remember that it's common for trauma survivors to feel like they're being dramatic when they validate the severity of their trauma, and that it makes sense to be in some level of disbelief that it's worse than you initially thought. Please know that you are valid as a trauma survivor, and remember to be patient and gentile with yourself as you explore what this means for you.

Ultimately, it may be helpful to work with a mental health professional such as a therapist, if you can access or afford it. A therapist, especially one who specialized in trauma, can mediate your healing journey and help you find ways to make sense of, process, and cope with your experiences.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw neglect #trauma details #tw substance abuse

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