#that in particular really hurts since those 3 have always been my favorites and the ones I spent the most time with.

[thegreenishhues]

Goodbye Ricardão <3

You were an incredible admin and as a ghostie I got to see so much of your character. Thank you for everything. Know we are going to miss you a lot but the entire community is sending you love and support wherever you go next. Take care king o7

#qsmp #liveblogging #rosey rambles #qsmp eggs #qsmp richas #qsmp richarlyson #qsmp positivity #qsmp ricardao #qsmp admins #final egg of the late-night trio gone... #that in particular really hurts since those 3 have always been my favorites and the ones I spent the most time with. #Im going to miss him a fuck ton wow #</3 #think I need to do another hug poll in an hour or 2 #<3

[the-metal-pixie]

Well, this is me (This got kinda long mb 😭)

Rlly edgy cringe zombie metal fairy sona

Call me pixie, pixette or… I guess spacechild too?

She/her, gay girl, minor, yada yada

Anyways, sometimes I draw for fun and I’m sorta kinda good at it

Glad to be here, lots more fanart coming soon, I’m really grateful for everyone who’s been supporting me <3

I got a lot of really sweet and fun responses bfdsfghitrtgyhcu I don’t deserve this 🫶🫶🫶🫶

Never been in tumblr before so I’m still getting used to this

(No way I’m finishing this drawing- lazy)

Fun(?) facts yay

- I play guitar and violin

- My favorite metal genres are Thrash, power, neoclassical, glam, and recently started listening to death metal

- I have a pretty broad music taste, I have a soft spot for popular, pop if you will, music from the 1920s to 2000s

- I usually dress like I’m allergic to colors but sometimes I need to look like the girliest girl’s girl that ever girled in the world

- I like to pretend I’m this really hardcore stereotypical teen but I couldn’t hurt a fly if I wanted to (being fr rn, it would probably beat me up first)

- I discovered KISS during mid-pandemic but haven’t interacted much with the fandom until beginning of last year (when I started doing fanart). Read my first kiss fanfic at my worst new year all-nighter and haven’t recovered since

- I feel kinda bad for reading/making gay content when I’m not even attracted to men

- When I like something, I try to learn and remember as much as I can about it (I have great memory for these things but horrible for everything else, somehow not failing school)

- Speaking of, here’s some stuff I like (aka things I devote my time and energy to consume and can’t shut up about): Michael Jackson, KISS, the actual fking titanic, Sanrio (DONT LEAVE I promise I’m not one of THOSE people), internet horror, girly things, lost media, old Barbie movies, 2010s YouTube, Monster High g1, attractive women

- RANDOM TANGENT! List of attractive women I find attractive (no particular order except for the first one):

<<WINONA RYDER>>

Joann Jett

Natasha Lyonne

Amy Lee

Hayley Williams

Kristen Stewart

Cyndi Lauper

80s Xuxa

Ann and Nancy Wilson

Ace Frehley

- Favorite movies (Actually in order):

Titanic

But I’m a Cheerleader

Rocky (1976)

Grease (1978)

Wizard of Oz

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

- Ace made me want to pick up a guitar, wow, big deal, so original

- I legit thought he was a girl when I first saw him without makeup (There’s no way I was the only one, or maybe I’m just dumb)

Spacechild lore + Fanfic related stuff at the very end

I talked briefly about this on the previous post, but I have this story on the Spaceman and Starchild that I plan around while I’m sleeping (I don’t have anywhere to write it down but still remember all of it) can’t really explain how my brain works BUUT what I can do is tell you the story!

Since I can’t write, feel free to borrow or steal any of my ideas since I’m probably never using them (unless I decide to make an illustrated novel/webcomic or something, but don’t expect anything from me)

Starchild is a lonely alien living in what’s left of the only planet that used to orbit him before he became a Star being (basically a living star going boom supernova and transforming into a humanoid). His only “company” is a woman who visits him in his dream, to whom he refers to as The Elder (It’s kinda like a parent child relationship, she’s the star that “gave birth” to him, get it? Star-child? I’m really smart, I know). He can see the future but since nothing ever happens to him, there’s nothing to predict… UNTIL

He has a dream about laying down on a dark, grassy field staring up at the sky, as he usually did, but this time, the stars that were always so far away, appeared to be curiously looking back at him, eager to know what was going to happen. Among them, there was a bigger, brighter blue light that appeared to be coming towards him. Scared, he tried to reach out to the elder, but she didn’t answer, right before the light got to him, he woke up

After waking up, Starchild just brushed it off as a strange dream and decided to take a walk. He eventually found himself sitting on a familiar looking field, he looked up, but everything seemed normal except for an unusual light out in the distance who appeared to be getting closer. Is it a shooting star? Is it a spaceship? Is it a… COMET?

It crashed right beside him, and when he opened his eyes, there it was. A frozen ice rock sitting right beside him, but when he looked up at it, there was something, someone sitting on top of it

A strange man looked back at him with a smile

There’s more but It’s not completely set in stone, I just know I want Spaceman to take Starchild to see earth and have fun adventures with him + Catman and Fox

They were really close friends that like to travel together, then one day they got turned into animals by an ankh wizard while visiting Egypt (also not set in stone but I really want Vinnie to make an appearance)

After their shared traumatic experience, they become practically brothers, learning how to live with their powers and animalistic needs

I wanted to maybe add a Demon cameo but idk where he could fit 🤘

FAV FANFIC TROPES LETS GO

- Slow burns

-“There was only one bed”

- Denial

- Found family (if you couldn’t tell by this point)

- Characters with no grasp on social cues

- Height difference

- Hurt Comfort

Other fic ideas I think about but aren’t as developed as the previous one

- Spacechild raising a baby (Would probably take place after the first story if it happens to have a sequel)

- Actual superhero origin stories

- Spaceman accidentally clones himself and ends up with an opposite version of him (Basically Tommy and Ace as some kind of opposite twins)

- Re-writing of kiss meets the phantom (Even though it’s already perfect it the way it is)

- Fox and Catman backstory

This is finally over

It’s the 2nd time I’m writing this thing bcs my dumbass forgot to save it 🫶

Anyways If anyone read this whole thing, thank you

I have no idea how to end this 🤘

[noblebs]

CURVEBALL I wanna know about Dev :D

💋🧘⚧️💯🤔😖🙈🤕🪮⛪

And I have to hit him with the: 🪨

ASDJFGH DUDE SO MANY <3 the last time I got a sex-related ask for Dev, it prompted a very thorough discussion between my wife and I about how nonexistent his sex life is lol. but I will do my best!

💋Do they like kissing? Anywhere in particular?

sure he likes it fine, it's not enough to like drive him wild but it's comforting. even non-sexually, he has not been kissed or shown any physical affection very much throughout his life so he's not picky

🧘Favorite position?

lol, probably anything with someone in his lap? my gut instinct was missionary, but no he would worry more about hurting someone if he's on top

⚧️How does their gender influence their relationship to sex and kink?

ooh this is actually really interesting. I think gender alone doesn't necessarily play a big role, but the way it intersects with being a monster absolutely does--aforementioned discussion w/ my wife led us to the conclusion that monsterfucking is certainly a kink in their world and it's in the same dicy, fetishistic category as like raceplay or chasers.

so being a very large monster and masculine has actually been a detriment to his sexuality because he's all too aware of the way people perceive him. he doesn't want to be especially rough and dominant in the way I think a lot of potential lovers would expect of him

💯When a partner says "do anything you want to me," what do they do first?

honestly? he would be so flustered and self-conscious that it would probably be a turn-off for him lmao. in theory, if he was more comfortable in his sexuality, he might enjoy taking control every so often. but definitely not as things stand now lol

🤔Is there a kink or other sexual experience they've never been able to try, but want to?

well for one, he has not tried most things lmao. I don't think there's many things he's aware of wanting, but if he were told what to do it would certainly help relieve the "oh no it's been literal decades since I've been physically intimate with someone what do I do" pressure, so light subbing/giving up control he would enjoy

frankly I think he could also develop a praise kink within 0.2 seconds of being properly praised for the first time ever

😖Are they a huge tease, or the one being teased?

he doesn't really tease during sex, but it's absolutely how he flirts. in our tabletop campaign, he and Orion have been teasing and dancing around each other for over a year in-universe. once they literally shared a hotel room and nothing happened because they're both so committed to playing some kind of weird psychosexual chicken. so yeah okay he's a bit of a brat

when I was plotting EWT I knew I had to put them on some kind of urgent timeline, because if they think they have all the time in the world they will never even touch each other lmao

🙈Do they have any particularly taboo kinks? Age-play, fauxcest, race-play, etc.?

no lol, he would be Scandalized by the suggestion of any of those

🤕What kind of pain are they into, if any?

tbh it would take more effort than usual for him to feel any satisfying level of pain, so it's probably for the best he doesn't care for any of it

🪮Do they like hair pulling, or pulling a partner's hair?

I wont lie, this emoji isn't showing up right for me so I had to guess which question it was for lol. he uh doesn't have hair, and he wouldn't be willing to pull anyone's hair unless they really insisted. again I think he's very sensitive to how easily he could hurt a partner

⛪Does their faith impact their sexuality? In what ways?

he is not religious but it feels boring to leave the answer at that, so I'll reinterpret the question because in the past, his loyalty to Annex could be considered near-religious. his job was always his highest priority, so even when he was much younger, sex and romance were among the first things he sacrificed for the sake of his belief in their mission

🪨Do they identify with stone sexuality? Have they in the past?

lol how ironic!

but not really, sometimes I feel like he's got the vibe of a he/him butch lesbian lol, but even if that were the case he wouldn't feel particularly inclined to identify as stone butch/femme

#good big ask!!! #oc devilant #this story is supposed to be horror what am I doing lol

[voxofthevoid]

i shall ask once more. \o/ 12, 26, 39 (is there another snippet in stock, void-sama?) and 55! <3

Welcome back 💚

List of questions here

(I should start keeping a list of things people call me on Tumblr...)

12. How does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

Like I said in response to another of these questions, I am not immune to having expectations...which have admittedly been skewed by hanging around in MCU/stucky (guys, you spoiled me).

Receiving feedback makes me happy, often derangedly happy. There's that simple pleasure in sharing something I made—something I put a lot of time, effort, and joy into—and seeing it have an effect on other people. There's a reason I reread my comments (and Tumblr tags, when applicable) a zillion times.

Not receiving it is predictably disappointing, though the intensity varies a lot with my level of investment in the fandom/ship and, more importantly, the particular story. You know those jokes about how the fics we work most on and are most proud of tend to be less well received than something we throw together in a hurry? Yeah, that's always an...interesting experience.

What feedback doesn't affect is whether I write or what I write. This wasn't the case until last year or so, but now, nearly everything I post is already fully written and being posted on a monthly schedule. It spares me from being discouraged in the middle of writing a fic. Similarly, darkfic tends to not be as popular as fluff or even hurt/comfort, but literally nothing else sparks up my brain like some gourmet fuckery, so nothing's going to make me stop writing those stories.

...holy shit, that got long.

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

THE FUCKING KIDNAPPING FIC

I cannot tell you how weird/wild it is that this thing unraveled the way it did. I know I post a lot of multichapters for JJK, but I don't really consider them multichaps as such. More like...six-shots or something (don't ask). I was content poking at porny bits of canon divergence scenarios.

And then @nearalways asked one(1) question: What'd have happened if Yuuji had chosen not to be Sukuna's host when Gojou tells him to choose his hell? We'd also been talking a lot about how dead-eyed and done Yuuji looked in most of his middle school-era flashbacks. Long story very short, I wrote a 119k answer that has done irreparable damage to my sanity and irrevocably changed how I write Gojou in particular.

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

I always have snippets! Especially since I've got some...300k of JJK fic I haven't even posted yet. You can find it under the cut.

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

Yuuji, hands down. The whole reason I'm even in this fandom is because I adore that kid. I haven't been this fascinated by a shonen MC in ages. Me being me, this does mean I put him through unimaginable horrors though!

And no, not at all. You, uh, might notice that I tend to be very set in my opinions 😂

Snippet here:

Yuuji yanks at the hand pinning him down.

There’s a moment where it works. Gojou’s fingers loosen, and his whole rhythm falters, and Yuuji almost, almost frees himself, wholly intent on flipping them over, but then there’s a soft breath of laughter, and a second hand clamps down on the wrist Yuuji has nearly wrenched free.

He makes a furious final attempt, throwing the whole of his strength into it, but this time, Gojou’s hold doesn’t waver for even a second. He’s grinning down at Yuuji, the devil on his lips.

“Devious,” Gojou tells him; it sounds like a compliment. “You’ve grown stronger, Yuuji—much, much stronger.”

And that sounds like pure sex.

Yuuji’s hips buck up helplessly, and Gojou bears down against him, pinning him there too.

“Clearly,” Yuuji hisses through clenched teeth, “not enough.”

“I’m a different kind of beast,” Gojou says easily. His eyes grow heavy-lidded. “But one day soon, Yuuji, you’ll be able to hurt me. Really hurt me. Won’t that be fun?”

Yuuji’s brain is abruptly yanked away from his dick and shoved back into his skull. “What? No! I don’t want that!”

“Of course you do,” Gojou says, laughing. “You will. It’s alright. I’ll let you.”

“Gojou-sensei—”

“But that’s for later. What do you want right now, Yuuji?”

“You,” Yuuji says incredulously, a thousand meanings packed into that one word.

Gojou’s eyes narrow, a different kind of heat than the look he shot Yuuji before. “Don’t cop out on me now. What were you going to do, Yuuji?”

“Fucking—” Yuuji lifts his head just to slam it down on the mattress; it’s not satisfying at all. “I want to fucking touch you! What else!”

“Cute,” Gojou says, his smile growing wider and more unhinged at Yuuji’s growl. “Where, Yuuji? How? I’ve only been gone for nineteen days, but you already forgot the game. I trained you better than this.”

#calamitouskings #fic: prophetic self-destruction #ask game #goyuu

[fancifulflora]

Hello!

I need to say that I love your writing, I would like to ask..how do you think will Xelef confess to the Crown? And if he will be the one who will confess first.

Awww, Thank you so much! It's been a hot minute since I've written anything- especially ATOC. At the moment I have negative interest in anything but Baldur's Gate 3 so all my writing time is being burned up romancing all the companions and racking up hours in the game.

I don't know if this is a request for writing like a fic or hc, but to avoid leaving it hanging, I'll just ramble a bit- try to paint a picture or two for you, anon. (Hopefully, it'll suffice lol)

Considering how the game is set up, whether X confesses or the Crown would probably depend entirely on how forward the Crown is. Although I wouldn't rule out there being a choice to make with variants based on personality.

If X were to confess though, I'd imagine it could easily go a hundred different ways. However, there are a few scenarios in particular that really squeeze at my heart.

Though grand gestures seem to be right up X's alley, my personal favorite parts of their route have always been those intimate moments where it's just the two of them. A simple mercenary and Crown. Whether it's brushing a touch up their neck or a simple "good night" traded across a tent- those bits hold more meaning to me personally as a reader.

So just shut out the world and imagine the Crown and X doing the same. Time slows to a crawl as gold and green softened gazes get lost in each other. Words are spoken in the softest tones, whispers only mean for the Crown's ears alone and X's in return. A hand cupping a cheek with the utmost care- as if the slightest wrong move would shatter the moment between the two. Foreheads press and then the world itself freezes. It just stops- for what probably feels like an eternity. An impasse for both of them, one last chance for either of them to back out.

But they don't.

Be it a slow and gentle kiss, or one of passion and fervor, X is most certainly going to leave the Crown breathless. There's no doubt about that. But afterward? I could certainly imagine them picking the Crown up or at the very least, pulling them into a tight embrace. There'd be laughter, a way to ease the built-up tension and transition them back to reality. Only this time, side by side in a way they haven't been before.

Another alternative scenario is one of my personal favorite tropes- the kind of confession that's desperate and needy. A confession spurred by the brush of death, the very real idea of never being able to articulate one's feelings and almost losing someone you may never have even considered losable seared in one's mind.

I mean, the Crown has already survived many attempts on their life and made it so far with a small squadron of guards around them at all times. And X is a peerless mercenary of great renown and skill who's been through hundreds of battles. The very idea of the other dying probably isn't a notion either would want to entertain for too long either.

Regardless of who's hurt. At first, there would be plenty of other people around, concerned allies and friends alike checking on Crown or X- the bustle of activity sparing the both of them from their whirlwind of emotions and thoughts... at least for the moment.

But then one by one they leave.

And now the two are alone.

Maybe there's a small joke to lighten the mood. Maybe not.

Either way, I love the imagery of bandaged hands clasped around the hands of another, the grip and squeeze given weak, but reassuring nevertheless.

One voices their concern, their wish- a demand more like- for the other to get better. The words bring a small smile to the other, repressed or otherwise.

This confession in particular could be a completely wordless one- the affection found in a look or an action rather than whatever flowery language could be traded in the moment. It's not a confession I think would get an answer immediately- nor would I want it to.

I much prefer for whoever's injuried to see the blossoms of love in those small, almost benign actions. To see it in the amount of worry pulling at their would-be partner's expression. To see how the relief from seeing them alright lifting the metephorical weight from their shoulders.

And then they leave, leaving the injured one to their thoughts and the daunting task of reeling their heart back to normal.

Perhaps it's less of a "confession" as the first example, but it's one I enjoyed considering immensely.

#xelara/xelef #atoc #a tale of crowns #its all speculation ofc lol youd have to ask cherry for a more concrete answer #headcanon #I think??? #it's more of me just putting my thoughts to words and calling it a day sdfkjh #the reality is prob going to be 100% different but its still a nice prompt to mull over #sakjdh i didn't peer edit this- i just cranked it out bc it's like- 7 am where i am and ive been sitting here since 5. #apologies everyone

[queenofbaws]

an old one from me,

14, 17, 20, and 25 for Book of Retribution because I'm obsessed with it (and the favorite line of mine for 14 is "How does it feel to be on the other side for once?")

!!!!! oh my GOSH!!! talk about a blast from the past!!! i would love a little stroll down memory lane, hehehe!!!

14. My favorite line from this fic was [xyz]. What inspired it?

ahhhh, i love that that line resonated with you - i felt sooo slick writing it, way back when!

so!!! as this was a silent hill crossover, i was really, really trying to capture the idea of the town (or in this case, world) using the protagonist's inner turmoil against them. "how does it feel to be on the other side for once?" was absolutely meant to sort of twist the knife in the sense that it alluded back to the experiments done by the RG crew - they were the ones in charge back then, they were the ones pulling the strings and doing horrible things to people...so now, pray tell, how does it feel to be tormented in return?

as we later come to find out, it's a line that's probably mostly meant for zexion.............but that doesn't mean it doesn't apply to anyone else ;)c

17. What was the hardest scene to write?

any! of! the! combat! scenes!!!!!!!!! the fight with zexion in particular, i remember just. staring at my screen like "how on earth do i go about this?!" dsklfjskldjf straight up-and-down action scenes have always been difficult for me, i find it hard to write that sort of thing without it reading like "then he punched him. it hurt. a lot. it hurt, like, a lot. so he punched him back." any time one of the basement boys found themselves facing off a monster (or one another, heheheheheheheee), there was definitely a very, very exasperated and self-conscious struggle involved on my part.

20. What is something you wish more people noticed about this fic?

hmmmmmmmm...well, since it IS a silent hill crossover, i for sure poured the symbolism on thick, let me tell you sldkfjksd oooh i wish i could be more specific than that, but i wrote this puppy several computers ago, so i'm sure my original drafts and outlines are lost to time 😔 the monster designs specifically i remember spending sooo much time on, trying to line up as many sneaky little details as i could to make them line up with my hcs of the guards, ansem, and just zexion/ienzo's inner struggles in general. the use of a doppelganger as an antagonist, too, was SUPER pointed but i feel sort of fell by the wayside - i was trying to be so smooth like "get it? get it, because you...you can't...you can't trust...the schemer......you...do you get it??????"

but again, like i said with an earlier fic, the fact people read this story at all meant - and continues to mean!!! - the absolute WORLD, so regardless of what my intentions were when i was writing it, i'm just touched and flattered and honored that others got something out of it! <3

25. Is there anything you would change now about this fic? Why or why not?

i'm sure i could change......most things. about this fic. now. hahahaha, but not because i hate it or anything!!! BoR is an interesting study, imo, because it really sort of...marked the beginning of the end of my time writing kh stuff, and the beginning of me REALLY focusing on horror more generally. a lot of the spooky stuff i was experimenting with in there feels pretty...idk unrefined to me now??? if that makes sense???

i think it comes down to the fact i've just kind of evolved as a writer over the years, and that the way i approach psychological horror now is very different to then, when i was taking my first tentative steps into the genre. but you'll notice i said i COULD change things - not that i WOULD. BoR was and is, like i said, suuuuuuuuuch an important piece in my heart, and even if i do feel those little 'omg i can't believe this was how i used to write' cringes when rereading some sections of it, i wouldn't change any of it for the world!

#firestorm09890 #asks #queenie writes kingdom hearts #man was that even a tag i used??? jfc im getting oLD AND FORGETFUL OVER HERE!!! #this made me smile so much you have no idea!!!! tysm for the ask - i can't tell you how much it means you still enjoy this one!!! T_T

[margridarnauds]

20, 21, & 25?

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

In BG3, it really is not controversial to say that Act 3 drags, but...it does. So many quests that I never intend to do again, so many artificially difficult boss battles, so many *fucking githyanki EVERYWHERE* ALL SAYING THINGS LIKE "IN VLAAKITH'S NAME" like shut UP, all building up to you grinding up the last few levels that you need to FINALLY. FINALLY. Get into the endgame. From the point I killed Orin onward, the game ran smoothly, for a very intense five hour or so finale, between killing Orin, destroying the Steel Watch, killing Gortash, and then going into the confrontation with the Elder Brain.

But getting up to that point...

Oh, boy.

FUCK the Cazador boss fight in particular. And the Viconia one. Fuck them, fuck them, fuck them.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

I am once again on my hands and knees begging the BG3 fandom to remember that @_starion is not the main character of the game. There are many other Origin Characters in BG3 who are not @_starion. They are very good. Their stories touch on similar themes around bodily autonomy and abuse, he is *not* the only one. People are allowed to like him, they're allowed to see themselves in him, but you'd think he was the ONLY ONE when....no. (Also he is SO whittled down from his canon characterization -- like he was an actual cunt to my first Tav.)

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Honestly, at this point, I see more people complaining about Ascended! @_starion fans than actual fans and it feels quite performative at this point. I don't know what the situation is like on Twitter or Tiktok -- I don't particularly *care* to find out, especially since he's probably....my least favorite of the Origin Characters, not my least favorite companion in general. And there's this slight air of sexism about the whole thing given that it's always "those stupid women don't know what they're doing/they're romanticizing vampires/they're sexualizing the poor 200 year old baby", like. Bruh. *Bruh*. If you don't play your cards right during that final confrontation, he will *leave your party if you don't ascend him*. I've considered doing it with a Tav that ascends him out of love, wanting to give him what he wants, only to realize they've created a monster, because THAT'S narratively compelling to me.

...I don't know, part of the joy of RPGs for me is that every player character is different. My first Tav had a very different relationship with him (worsties) than my second Tav (who is banging him) and my third Tav (who is platonic besties with him since she's a lesbian and considers him #OneOfTheGirls). I don't like applying a broad "if you do this, you are MORALLY WRONG" or "If you do this, you don't understand the character", since the character reactivity can be insane. In three main runs of BG3, each of my PCs had different dynamics with each of the companions because of the decisions they made and the conversations they had. I've unfollowed long-term mutuals over @_starion discourse because I just. Did not enjoy it. He's not a real sexual abuse survivor, he is pixels, and the way we react to him...it can be telling, yes, but any time you have a character who appeals to so many people with varying types of traumas, it's bound to get very heated, and a lot of people get hurt, and I'm not interested in seeing that.

...so I stay in Devil Daddy Land. Yaaaaaayyyyyy.

Since I've been very harsh on @_starion, I also see a lot of G@le fans say that he isn't REALLY mansplaining, if you think he's mansplaining or you think he's annoying, you're ableist and...with respect to my fellow autistic people in fandom, who see themselves in him.....I can both sympathize with him and ALSO remind them, very gently, that autistic men can be sexist. And it can remind autistic women who have had to smile through the sexism in favor of solidarity of real experiences they've had. I don't HATE him, I like him, I hated sacrificing him in my first run, I think the creators HAVE done him wrong, one day I do want to do a run romancing him....but I will say, as an autistic woman (?) in academia, that he does kind of remind me of sexist male colleagues I've had and the way that they tend to be catered to and respected and the way that they tend to put themselves over their female autistic colleagues. I'm not saying that the CHARACTER is sexist or that if you LIKE HIM you're sexist -- he has a LOT of really, really attractive qualities, but I'm saying that people also aren't inherently WRONG to interpret it as mansplaining, either. Again, player reactivity. For me, he is always one step away from telling me "now, are you SURE about that?" when I talk about a topic that I've spent the last year working on.

(Also a lot of G@le VS @_starion discourse boils down to "Why are people focusing on this white dude when they could be focusing on MY white dude?" Which is rich coming from the Raphael fan, I know, but I'm not trying to guilt or shame people into liking my meow meow...and in fact prefer the small group we have.)

[shivunin]

💐🍼☁️✂️💚 for everyone! (Unless that's too much which fair please feel free to pick and choose)

basjkfbi hahahaa Thanks for the ask, Lilou! <3

I'm going to answer this under the cut because I'm doing all five of them (leaving Adahlena and Ilriane out of this, as usual; all seven would have been too many).

(OC Emoji Asks List)

💐 BOUQUET - create a bouqet for them! what do those flowers mean? are any of the flowers their particular favourite?

Arianwen Tabris: Wild tansy, bay leaf, aconite (wolfsbane), dragonwort, and blue pimpernel. What a delight to finally make a bouquet for someone who wants everyone else to choke and die! In order: I declare war against you, I change but in death, misanthropy (and again i say: what a move to send someone literal poison so they know you don't like them), horror, and change. As a city girl, I think Wen is a bit suspicious of flowers and plants in general, so idk that she has a favorite (other than loving the dandelions that grow in the cracks of the road).

Maria: Arbor vitae, red chrysanthemums, red poppies, honeysuckle, and white larkspur. Unchanging friendship, love, consolation, generous and devoted affection, and lightness/levity. Going for the classic scarlet/white combo with hers. Her favorite used to be honeysuckle (her father showed her how to eat the center as a treat and she's never forgotten), but later she's very partial to poppies (for, you know. no particular reason c:).

Elowen: Canary grass, celandine, swamp magnolia, purple pansies, christmas rose, and a sprig of weeping willow. Perseverance, joys to come, perseverance again, thoughts, relief of anxiety, and mourning. Oh, Elowen my overthinking beloved. She loves willow trees most (willows are her Thing), and I think she would enjoy the blossoms too (they look really fluffy).

Emmaera: Lavender (of course!), vervain, elfroot, forget-me-nots, rosemary, lupines, and goat's rue. (starting from vervain) Enchantment, healing, true love, remembrance, voraciousness/imagination, and reason. Lavender is her favorite, hands down, but I contest the Victorian flower language meaning (distrust) and exchange it for respite.

Salshira: Sorrel, holly (herb), cranberries, orange and yellow daisies, spanish jasmine, orange ranunculus, and fallen maple leaves. Affection, enchantment, cure for heartache, beauty, sensuality, radiant charm, and reserve. Going for the deep red/white/orange/brown combo here, since she's very fall-themed. Salshira really likes daisies, actually, and would be most charmed by a kind of loosely arranged handful of them instead of an elegant bouquet.

🍼 BABY BOTTLE - what are their thoughts on children?

Arianwen: Loves children, has no interest in making any of her own. Would kill anyone who hurt a child without question or hesitation. Vigil's Keep acquires a variety of orphans during her tenure as Warden Commander and they're sort of collectively raised by the Wardens (though of course she locates an actual tutor to educate them). For the first of them, Amethyne (the little girl you find in the alienage whose mom dies during the Cousland origin), Wen acts as a kind of close aunt (though Zev winds up regarding her as his kid, more or less).

Maria: Loves kids, wants a million of her own. She thinks the wonder of discovery that children still have is a way of feeling young again and has always wanted a huge family.

Elowen: Likes kids in theory, but struggles in practice. The idea of having children is generally foreign to her (though I do have one AU where it happens, for cultural reasons rather than personal preference).

Emmaera: Likes kids, but not very familiar with them because she didn't spend much time with kids her age when she was growing up. Winds up having two children of her own, both of them unplanned, and loves them to pieces.

Salshira: Likes kids, because they're pretty much always asking odd questions that having nothing to do with you or them. Basically the ideal for Salshira, who does not want to talk about herself. Never thought about having a family of her own until she fell in love, ends up wanting to give her children the kind of love and acceptance she never received as a kid. I haven't settled on how many she has, but at least one (Hauen).

☁️ CLOUD - a soft headcanon

Arianwen: Sings to all her animals when they are upset or sick; has a pretty good singing voice, actually.

Maria: Extremely ticklish. Fenris finds this out on accident and the squeal she makes is so surprising that he falls off the bed trying to dodge.

Elowen: Bull said he was into the way dawnstone looks, so she chiseled every little piece she could find out of the hillsides and set the scouts to looking for deposits just so she could custom-order a set of pink armor for him.

Emmaera: It's not a new headcanon, but she hides little notes for Cullen all over his quarters (and later, the manor). Some are simple "I love you"s and others are more specific or practical. She loves surprises and likes giving him simple, sweet surprises as part of his day.

Salshira: Remembers all her friends' favorite foods, colors, songs, etc. and arranges for them to be on hand when they're down or when there's something to celebrate.

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

Arianwen: So easily. It doesn't take much for Wen to pull the plug, except for a very small group of people she's collected as hers. It would take something monumental for her to cut off someone in her inner circle (Zev, Alistair, and Morrigan would have to do something extremely out of character to make it happen, for example--though I do think Morrigan telling Wen she ought to kill the alienage dwellers for a power boost might have done it. Luckily, she didn't come along for that mission). For everyone else, she is all too happy to cut them off (sometimes, you know, literally).

Maria: Maria has a really hard time letting go, so something really drastic would have to happen for her to be done with someone she considered a close friend. Um. Blowing up most of a city would just about do it, I think.

Elowen: I answered this for her here c:

Emmaera: Emma is extremely logical about her interpersonal relationships. I don't think she'd jump to cut someone off, but her trust is hard to earn and easier to lose. She wouldn't cut someone off entirely unless she thought the negative sides outweighed the positives (she never really forgave Blackwall, for example, but let him stay with the Inquisition until they didn't need him anymore). If someone showed a repeated willingness to hurt innocents or others she cares for, that would do it.

Salshira: Likewise, Salshira has a really hard time letting anyone in, so anyone close to her would have to wade through several layers of obfuscation before they could actually know the real her. This is a defense mechanism, but it also means that she has lots of time to push people away if she's wary of them. Anyone she's really close with is someone she wouldn't let go of easily; she cherishes her found family. Again, it would have to be something pretty heinous or out of character to cut someone off.

💚 GREEN HEART - what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food?

Arianwen: Food is at the top of the list, for sure. Especially something unusual or made especially for her, but she's not very picky. She also likes loose physical contact (leaning against someone, for example) which she can easily get out of if she wants.

Maria: Being held is number one. Maria is always reaching out for other people, and those people reaching back makes her feel fulfilled and safe. She is also a very textural person, so soft, fluffy things bring her comfort, too. Lying on a soft bed in her silk robe while someone (cough cough) holds her is her ideal situation.

Elowen: Quiet company and hot tea. Elowen needs to process before she can talk when she's upset, but she really doesn't want to be alone. When she's ready, someone who will listen to her without judgment is crucial. Being somewhere high in the air with a decent overlook also helps.

Emmaera: Putting things in order makes her feel more comforted. She doesn't want help, but she does want company. When she's thinking or upset, Emma will clean and organize, and by extension her surroundings being reasonably neat is comforting to her. She also finds sunlight and a concrete task to complete comforting, so she gardens in the spring/summer and rakes or shovels snow in the fall and winter. Someone talking things through with her and weighing the pros and cons is comforting.

Salshira: Physical touch for sure. It's the first and easiest way she has to express herself and it's the first thing she looks for when she's upset. Being warm and wrapped in a blanket is second. Also soup---soup is her big comfort food (me too tbh).

#i didn't proofread any of this lol sorry #arianwen tabris #maria hawke #elowen lavellan #emmaera lavellan #salshira lavellan #if any of this is contradictory to something i've said before know that they contain multitudes #if soup is a love language it is my love language #emoji ask meme #ask response #oc ask response #i spent like an hour minimum on the bouquet question alone. i take flowers v seriously #you should have seen my wedding bouquet; it was a work of art

[impala-dreamer]

Share ten different favorite characters from ten different pieces of media in no particular order, then send this to 10 people (anon or not, your choice) 🎥🎬📺 (you don't have to do this, feel free to ignore it 😘)

oh boy... strap in, folks - much like @kittenofdoomage did, I'm going to try and not stick to SPN here (I think we all know where I stand with those boys anyway- so- ahem-)

In no particular order....

1- The Brat Prince, Himself- The one and only Vampire Lestat, and yes, I'm using Tom Cruise bc I haven't seen the new show yet, but of literary media- Lestat deLioncourt shall always and forever be my number one. He has been with me since I was 12 years old and shall never leave ever for any reason. the end.

2 - Jack Shepard from LOST. Now, I know what you're thinking- he kinda sucks, and yes, yes he does. but honestly, beside Hugo- they ALL kinda suck. And since the pilot, I have always felt very connected to Jack and his struggles with life and death and good and bad. He's just my main guy, OK? Get off my back about it and help me move this giant wheel thingy...

3- Rory Williams, The Last Centurion, and Greatest Companion- Doctor Who. He just... He is me in any and all magical/epic/adventure situations and I can't get around that. And he's adorable and so loving and just the utter best.

4- Roger Sterling - Mad Men. One of the greatest sonsofbitches ever. He drinks like I do (martinis), he's cool and sexy like I am. He's sophisticated and tired. Just like me. lol

5- Ryan O'Reilly - OZ. Just watching this for the first time but I am 1000000% in and He is just so incredible. I can't even explain it but I'm hanging onto the hope that he makes it out alive. lol

6- Shawn - The Good Place. Really, it's everyone from TGP and I can't really choose, but I just adore Marc Evan Jackson, so I went with him. lol

7- Quentin Coldwater - The Magicians. He just... We are the same person, and if you watch the show, you'll understand me and what I mean. He is my heart.

8- Link Neal - GMM - Look, I just think he's sexy and kind of an asshole and I dig that accent.

9- Jerry - The Walking Dead. WHAT? Beka! You're Team Rick! You love Negan! What about Daryl? OK- Listen up folks, of anyone on that show- I would only ever trust Jerry. Also anytime he was in peril, I would literally scream at the tv "you better not hurt my baby!!!" so... there ya go.

10- Paul Hollywood - GBBS. Idk if he counts, but he does. And I don't think I really need to explain myself.

damn, that was hard. I really wanted to smush a jensen in there a few times, but I behaved. lol

#about me #charaters that aren't jensen related

[thebourbontruth]

Whiskey of the year 2022 Part 1

My top 3 favorite finalists for 2022

If you don’t want to read my commentary or Best of lists, skip a few paragraphs to the heading: “My favorite American Whiskeys of 2022”.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it lots more, Best Whiskey lists have become like grains of sand and more or less “suggestions”. If you really like or trust someone, especially if they are some sort of globally accepted authority then maybe go with it, but always with this grain of sand. Now with hundreds (I’d not thousands of self professed or implied “experts”) my issue has always been that a “Best Whiskey list” is dependent on:

1. The geek having a clue.

2. The geek having no ulterior motive/s.

3. The geek not being on the utter, payroll, or beholden in someway to those on their list or at least those high on it.

4. The geek gets or takes nothing of value from the very brands they have/are rating/reviewing/commenting on.

5. How they accessed the sample they are reviewing/rating?

6. Did/do mortals and muggles have easy msrp access to the stuff still or at least when sampled?

If it was tried on some sort of free junket or given to them as a brand sample this can influence the decision. If it’s a free provided brand sample this could influence the decision or even a rigged sample that is especially good. So basically beware of a flawed system. Similar in many ways to how competitions are flawed. One popular Whiskey Geek that makes a living on tasting provided and free stuff now has a Top 100 list. WTF I say! If you don’t know why a top 100 list isn’t ridiculous already, you might want to stick to beer or White Zin. Bottom line is no one is trying even a fraction of the available Bourbons and Rye for a true.y comprehensive and meaningful “Best of” pick to make it very relevant in any case. Even then, it’s subjective and subject to my 1-6 list above. With that said, I attempt to take a whack in 2023 to my favorite American Whiskies of 2022.

My Favorite American Whiskeys of 2022- in no particular order

I very rarely take free samples from brands. When I do I try and reciprocate in someway to even things out. And yes, through relationships I still sip a thing or two that slips through the cracks but I try my hardest to be honest to the Bourbon Truth. Unlike many people getting/taking free samples, I’m not afraid or fearful that a negative review will

• Piss off the brand

• Hurt the possibility of getting other samples from the brand

• Refusal of the brand to advertise

• Provide interviewees or guests to the blog, podcast, etc doing the review/rating.

Whiskey popularity in 2022 builds on the same rampant confusion and viral nature of American Whiskey appreciation as a lifestyle, hobby, or serious interest. I’ll go to a store, bar, friends home, my basement with hundreds of open bottles and I find myself being drawn back to the whiskey equivalent to your favorite comfy slippers, coat, rusting dented frying pan or whatever. To me that bottle is movie equivalent like “Shawshank”, “Holy Grail”, “Dumb and Dumber (of course), or a dozen movies that rewatching hundreds of times and never get old. We take for granted the great bottles always available practically everywhere in the USA, even on a plane at 30,000 feet. You always know what your going to get and it’s ALWAYS going to be good to great. It’s going to be a great value and a ton of time and effort has gone into that bottle to make and keep it really good.

My 3 favorite everyday sippers in 2022

MAKERS MARK

This stuff has been around since 1958! 65ish years! Wheated Bourbon that many consider to be a close clone to the original Stitzel Weller/Van Winkle family process and recipe. A respectable 90 proof. Maybe even the SW yeast if you study up on the history. Yes, a bit thin at times and admittedly about 4-6 years short of greatness, I’m drawn to it when I want a good value pour without much mystery. The consistency over my drinking lifetime is amazing. My favorite go to for a free pour in several post pandemic trips to Las Vegas in 2022. Maker’s is a welcome friend and always a very nice pour. While the masses are going crazy over the usually spotty quality, often tainted all things Weller for its “Wheated’ ess”, Maker’s is my subtle winner 7 days a week for Wheated Bourbon.

WOODFORD RESERVE

1996, 26 years the good old Woodford Reserve is derived from the standard Brown Forman Old Forester Bourbon Mashbill of 72% corn, 18% Rye, and 10% malted barley. A slightly altered version of the Old Forester Yeast. Lincoln Henderson, Chris Morris, now Elisabeth McCall have kept this on a consistently great path for a long time. Again, great value, always on the shelf and you know you’ll get the same flavor year after year. Sweat Nilla wafer, Maple syrup, Chocolate, with just the right amount of woodiness. A little spicer than a wheated Bourbon so add cinnamon, floral, allspice notes, 90.4 proof that holds up well to a big cube or ice ball (never use small cubes in a whiskey you don’t want over diluted).

ELIJAH CRAIG SMALL BATCH

Used to be 12 years old with an age statement. Now thought to be 8-10 year average without an age statement. 78% Corn, 10% Rye, 12% Malted Barley. This one will be sweeter due to 78% corn. The longer aging is what really shines through on this one. Like the other two above, this is a long time recipe that draws much of its superior complexity from its longer aging. I hope that the suits at Heavenhill draw the line on 8 year being the youngest that goes into this standard Elijah Craig. It will seriously lose its mojo younger. This would wreck my love for the brand. At $25-$35 a bottle and 94 proof I haven’t come across a better accessible Bourbon at such a reasonable price. Since 1986 the original Bourbon standard Bourbon Mashbill has endured. Over 30 years it’s been a safe bet.

Put Woodford, Maker’s, or Elijah against things twice+ as expensive and much harder to come-by. In blind tastings you’ll see why I’m giving credit where credit is due to these solid, safe, accessible favorite everyday bottles for 2022. See my favorite #1 pick whiskey for 2022 in my next post.

[trekwiz]

40. - Favourite memory

25. - Role model

53. - 5 things that make me happy

Ily <3

40. Favorite memory

That's a tough one! I have some really good ones.

I'm going to go with the first time @ovenroastedtwerkey and I tried paintball. We went without a group and had no idea what we were doing. We casually just followed a group of really hot guys, who we found out were in boot camp. One in particular had a really amazing butt! (Gotta use the meat shields for what they do best, right? We stayed behind them.)

What makes it a favorite memory is what happened after the first round. Literally half of the group--just emphasizing again that these were all boot camp guys--decided that paintball hurt too much and they weren't going to play at all again for the rest of the day.

Meanwhile, a father and 6 year old son also wandered into the and group, and the kid could not stop talking about where he got hit, where he almost got hit, and how cool it was.

The contrast will never cease to amuse me.

25. Role model

Honestly, I've never really had one. The closest thing would be my grandma's daughter, who I used as an example of what not to be as a person.

I'm also highly influenced by Star Trek, but not a particular actor or character. I've appreciated the "best of humanity" way of living they portray, but not necessarily to the extent that people usually treat role models.

I've always been at least somewhat realistic about the fact that people inevitably make mistakes, so why worship someone and try to be like them, when I have my own mistakes to make? No use falling into someone else's mistakes, you know?

53. 5 things that make me happy

I love this question!

1. @ovenroastedtwerkey is definitely at the top of this list. He always knows how to make me smile, and is very sweet, especially if I'm having a rough day.

2. I should probably just lump this in with above, but, @ovenroastedtwerkey 's plushie. The little guy has a voice and personality. He makes me happy as a cute little part of our family.

3. Colossal crab legs. That's the one meal that will always make me happy. It generally means things are going well that I can afford it as a treat. It's probably the one thing I miss most since the pandemic started, because the prices aren't affordable right now. Even as a rare treat.

4. Videogames in general. Though there are some particulars. Stardew Valley is so cute and relaxing, as is My Time at Portia. 7 Days to Die makes me happy in a social way; when I play, it's co-op with a group and it's really fulfilling. There are others, but those are my key highlights.

5. Long breaks with no obligations. My natural rhythm is going to bed around 4 or 5 AM, and waking up in the afternoon. Long breaks from work where I can do that are just so relaxing and fulfilling to me. I can tune out the world and really rest.

Thanks so much for asking! ❤

#asks #ask #ask trekwiz

[quietlyimplode]

Hello, I have been deliberating on which questions to ask without asking you every question for every fic.

6 & 14 for Travel Through The Shadows With Me

3 & 11 for A Universal Truth

10 & 11 for First Meetings

Thank you ❤️

Ohhhhhh hello! Lol you should know how much I love to crap on about my fic so this was a joy to do. Feel free to ask more if you want.

Travel Through The Shadows With Me

6. What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

Oh gosh. Hmm. There’s a few things. This is the first fic that I turned into a series, like a proper flowing series (rescue me doesn’t count lol) and the first fic that reached way over 20k and by the end will be around 40k.

Never have I committed so hard to a fic - and I think one that’s kinda grown with my writing. There are little snippets of personal stuff in this fic - small hurts, traumas and recovery that even those in real life don’t know but the catharsis of having it written is something else.

14. Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

That you’re not alone. There’s always someone rooting for you. That people see - they may not know what to do or how to help but there’s always someone.

If you’re feeling alone, you just haven’t come across your person yet - friend, relationship, enemy - like Natasha it may just be that you just need to get through the next bit, survive the bad days and the not so bad will come.

A Universal Truth

3. What’s your favorite line of narration?

“She licks her lips and focuses on the television.

Bond is being tortured, naked on a chair, she’s been there before and it helps to have it represented on the screen, grounding almost.

She’s not alone.

Her experiences are not unique.”

(Idk if you want to know why, but this bit specifically; there’s a bit in Jessica Jones where she has a survival mantra - same with the punisher. I didn’t know that other people had these - I’ve had one since I was six maybe? Seeing it on screen, knowing that it wasn’t just me and a weird thing I did, was something that I will always be thankful to the series for doing. So Natasha finding solace in Bond being tortured, the idea that she’s not alone in the history of the world, and for that to be represented is important to me. Our experiences are not unique.)

11. What do you like best about this fic?

How easily friends forgive. If they’re really your friends then the slights and the experiences we give each other don’t matter (those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind).

Tony and Nat will always be that in my head - that they understand that friendship is something that is hard won but once there it’s special and revered.

First Meetings

10. Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

So this is @redbirdbella ’s fault - the idea that Natasha and Laura knew each other before Clint and Laura knew each other - I have this whole idea in my head about how they met (in the hospital ofc, I have it written in my head) and that Laura knows Natasha intimately and understands how she functions and approaches relationships.

11. What do you like best about this fic?

That Natasha trusts someone enough not only to go there to recover but also that she trusts them enough to contact Clint.

I love the whole dynamic of Natasha and Laura together and that there are secrets and things that Clint does not know - and the magic in finding that out. I also love how much Laura knows about Natasha and the secret of that.

Thanks for asking my friend. <3 ❤️

Ask me questions about my fics.

#my fic #ask away! #wonderful friends #natasha romanoff #clint barton #black widow #fic talk #tony stark

[vitaminwaterreviews]

AIXP - The Artificial Intelligence Experiment

I think that my comment on the first song really sums up my feelings towards the album as a whole: “Pleasantly surprised.” Often full albums can feel like a bit of a slog, especially if they’re from genres that I’m not a huge fan of. Coup d’Etat for example, which I listened to just yesterday, was more of a slog than this album was, and that album is considered one of the GOAT kpop albums. So the fact that this album was much easier (and more enjoyable) to get through is a big compliment.

The instrumental samples and vocals as a whole felt very processed, I think that’s my biggest criticism. It’s possible that I just have very messy versions of the songs; these have been converted at least once on my end, and who knows how many times on behalf of the person I got them from. But the vocals in the mellow and pretty sections never totally won me over, and the mellow sections in general always felt a Bit too coarse and processed.

I also definitely wanted more melody from the guitars, but again, I’m not familiar with the conventions of the genre so maybe that’s just something that I don’t know.

Now the stuff that I’m impressed by. The mixing was constantly making me turn the music up to the point that it hurt my ears. I dunno if that’s intentional, but for metal music I think that’s definitely a Good thing. The vocals were excellent, even if the growly vocals weren’t conventional death metal vocals, they still fit this particular sound well. I enjoyed the structure of the individual songs a lot - we had a really good mix of upbeat and mellow sections, and right as I was starting to get bored of one, it switched to another. There were only a couple of sections in the entire album that I started to get bored, and it kept my attention really well other than those.

The last two songs are definitely the highlights of the album for me, I think Hourglass is probably my favorite song overall.

I did find it kind of odd how a lot of the songs seemed to end on a slow section, even if they didn’t have one at all during the main part of the song. The transition from Hourglass to Finale was particularly jarring, maybe that could’ve been smoother. Or maybe that’s intentional. So many things that I just don’t know, because I’m not familiar with the genre! Anyway, enough rambling. Average score of 8.0 which feels exactly correct to me. Very good, could use some improvement, but still a solid four out of five stars. I enjoyed it a lot more than I expected to.

- Alright, I feel the need to add some disclaimers here. I do not usually listen to metal of any sort, and definitely not death metal. I am, however, regularly exposed to death metal, mostly though music leagues that I do with my friends who are more into the subgenre than I am. But since I got early access to this particular album, I figured I’d give it a proper listen and do the proper review and all that. I have no idea how I’ll end up rating any of these songs, or the album as a whole, but here we go.

The Artificial Intelligence Experiment

The layering on the vocals is Really nice

And actually the entire song feels so Thick, in a good way

Love the pause and “thump thump” after “The Artificial Intelligence Experiment”

Oh, I probably can’t just google the lyrics to this now can I, sad

The whole thing feels … epic

I usually associate that kind of guttural growl singing with death metal, we haven’t had much of that yet

Oh and of course as soon as I type that, we get a bit of it lol

I quite like this section around 3:00, I assume this is the outro

I wonder whose vocals these are. Is this THE nLazy singing??

8/10, pleasantly surprised

I Forgot to Take My Meds

Me too tbh

Alright, here’s the melodic part of melodic death metal

Love love love the autotune on this voice in the intro here

“I forgot to take my medicationnnnn” lmao

I heard ‘forgotten pills’! That was a former name of this song

The voice still feels very heavily processed in the slow part ~1:50, kinda wish it was cleaner in the mix to give us more contrast

A bit better around 2:45. Maybe just personal taste then, because the vocal effects definitely fit Conceptually, but I’d prefer them cleaner to make them sound more human

8/10, really enjoyed this one, I think if I was more a fan of metal then it’d be a 9

Lost in the Void

Nice, love me some piano

It does feel slightly out of place though - very clean, kind of echoey, like a random piano from a music chamber was put in the middle of armageddon or something lmao

I keep turning the music up, and then my ears start to hurt, so I have to turn it back down. Maybe that’s an intentional aspect of the genre, or maybe the mixing is a bit off. Let me see if I can figure out what I’m trying to hear more of

Yeah even here. The vocals are as unprocessed as we’ve gotten so far, but they still feel processed! Idk, I’ll stop harping on that now

The “oooooh”s at the end are neat. I’m getting like, horror vibes out of this

7/10

Betrayers Lament

I almost get … prog rock vibes out of this soundscape, whatever instrument doing these harmonies feels like that electronic organ for some reason

Yeah, the growly vocals are definitely not the conventional style that I usually hear in death metal

Not that it’s a bad thing. The section beginning at 1:36 feels Really good in context

This is cool, the section around 3:30 feels really cool

Love how distorted the piano feels

What I want here is a ridiculously technical electric guitar solo at the here, riffing over everything else going on

8/10

Chaos Unleashed

That it, the mixing thing. The vocals are kind of buried in the mix, it’s really hard to make out what they’re saying. BUT, I suspect that’s very intentional, most death metal sounds similar to me

Or maybe I’m just used to listening to pop music where the vocals ARE the mix lol

I haven’t commented much on the particular song yet, but I’m vibing

A comment on the ending: it feels Kind of cheesy. Nowhere else in the song do we get the more mellow vibe of the final “nothing is as it seems”, so it feels like it comes out of nowhere just to force an ending

That said, if the next song begins with a similar vibe, then it might work pretty well as a bridge between the two songs. Let’s see!

7/10

Echoes of Freedom

Nope lol

That said I do quite like the intro here, it’s bouncy and almost dancy

Yeah, this actually feels almost more poppy than the other songs. Can’t totally tell why

Like, if I was gonna release a single off of this album, I think this is the one I’d choose

That said, this is partly because this song is kind of safe. It definitely doesn’t Explore as much as some of the other songs have

8/10

Maze of Life

Lord of the Rings vibes for some reason

I wonder what that instrument is, the one doing the triplets in the intro

Oh wait, this whole song is in 6/8, I didn’t even realize until just now

I like that a lot, it gives a really nice momentum

Feels almost like a march

Haha random choral section at 2:05, this is actually so neat

The thing is, this is the easiest song to listen to, but I don’t know if it’s my favorite. Like, as much as I love 6/8, it does often feel kinda cheesy to me

Or maybe I’m just jaded and cynical

8/10

Revelations

I want more of whatever the highest guitar line is in the first 30 seconds or so

Hoorayyyyyyyyy we’re 8 songs in and finally we get a proper guitar solo!!!

Kinda short though, gimme more gimme more

This was a really good song. I want more of that guitar. Very few comments here though because I did start to zone out - maybe worth noting

8/10

From the Shadows

I can definitely hear the lyrics very easily in the opening lines of the song, first time in the album I can say that for a full verse

Nice, the change between half time to double time around 2:00 felt really good

The instrumental break around 2:20 is good, I like the cute little sixteenth note runs

Structurally, I’d expect this song to be the climax of the album. Lyrically I think that makes sense, I’m not sure I buy it musically

Perhaps Finale is the climax though, seems likely

Again with randomly ending on a mellow section after an entire loud and upbeat song

Maybe that’s a trend in melodic deathcore though

It definitely did something with it though

8/10

Hourglass

Dude this guitar sample is So pretty omg

Yes, love the vocals

This isn’t death metal, this is just Lovely

Love the percussion

Mkay, now it picks up

Maybe this is the climax of the album then, it feels like it so far, that transition was epic

Alright, and now we’re slow again

Oh we’re in 3/4 now, didn’t even notice

I quite quite like this song, probably my favorite on the album so far

3/4 really is such an anthemic time signature, this feels so epic

I’d love to see the lyrics for this particular song. It’s impossible to pick them out during the loud sections

Whatever’s going on with the vocals around 3:20 is genius, love love love how they sound in conjunction with the instrumentals

Lol what is that ending

9/10

Finale

And we go from that soundscape to this soundscape, fair enough ig

We’re in 12 now, I think

Haha wait this is a 7 minute song!! Better be good

That section around 1:37 was good, felt like a nice break

I want it to go somewhere else, 2:20 and so far we’ve been at exactly the same energy the whole way through. This album has enough pretty sections on it that the finale should tie back into

Nice guitar around 2:50, give me more

That’s one thing the album doesn’t do too well is fun guitar solos. Maybe death metal doesn’t do fun guitar solos

3:30-ish sounds Really cool though

Mkay, now we’re soft, about time

This guitar does feel totally out of nowhere, it’s almost … folky

That’s such a metal trope, going from Chill and then immediately having the drums come in and introducing the Metal back in

4:40 is so cool omg

Yeah, this might be my favorite section on the album

The whole instrumental section here is perfect actually. I think vocals would detract from it, good decision

Yep, definitely 12/8

I’m at 6:30 now and I’ll tell you what, this didn’t feel like a 7 minute song at all

Not totally convinced by the ending

9/10

#album #metal #death metal #melodic death metal #AIXP

[stayathomesurveys]

173.

Have you ever been hurt by a narcissist? Yeah.

What does forgiveness mean to you? I'm really not sure...

Have you forgiven everyone who’s wronged you? No.

What’s your favorite thing to do at sunrise? Nothing in particular. I'd prefer to be sleeping.

How are you celebrating Earth Day this year? I don’t do anything on Earth Day.

What is God teaching you right now? Patience, perseverance.

What is something you miss from your past? Less responsibilities. More opportunities.

Are you beating yourself up about a stupid decision you made? All the time.

What’s the last dumb decision you made that you beat yourself up over? I'm really regretting quitting the job that I had in Virginia. It was easy, pretty cushy job. The pay was pretty good. They were going to allow me to work hybrid from South Carolina and come into the office when I could make it up there. But they wouldn't give me a day that I needed off to move and then my narcissitic, abusive ex boyfriend left me high and dry one morning so I had no choice but to quit my job and move home to SC the next day. Now I'm having an incredibly hard time finding a job down here and I have no money.

When was the last time you went to church? December 22, 2023 for my ex boyfriend's mom's wedding.

What’s the last song you listened to on repeat? I don't remember.

Have you ever smoked weed, and if yes, did you like it? Yes. It was okay. Not really for me.

Do you have any big regrets in your past? I have many big regrets. 

If you’ve ever talked to a counselor, did it help? Yes. No. Does your town’s hospital have a good reputation? No, but it is improving under new management.

What is your hometown known for? No idea. Don't really care.

What is your hometown’s symbol? ?

Who do you miss from your past? No one really.

Are you longing for and missing a toxic person? No.

What’s your greatest longing? Money.

What are you behind on? Life.

Is there someone who’s stolen from you and never got caught? No idea.

Do you wish you could talk about spiritual things with someone? Not really?

When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? I don't know.

How long has it been since you weren’t lonely? LOL.

Have you been lonely for most of your life? Yup.

What color is your sleeping bag? I don’t have a sleeping bag.

When was the last time you used a sleeping bag, and what for? I have no idea.

Do you prefer to sleep under the stars or in a tent? Uhh, idk.

Do you live near the woods? Yes. My backyard is woods/wetlands.

What do you want to be for Halloween this year? List 1-3 ideas. Idk. I probably won't have any plans or reason to dress up.

Does your astrological sign match up to your personality? Yup.

Which bugs do you hate the most? ALL BUGS. But, spiders. Definitely hate those the most.

What is your favorite shade of brown? Coffee brown.

Do people tell you you look sick when you wear a certain color? If yes, what color? Idk.

Do you find yourself exhausted much of the time? All of the time.

Do you find that people call you lazy, even though you’re always exhausted? Yeah, they have.

What color is your toilet seat? White.

Would you rather live in an apartment or a house? Idk. There are pros and cons to both.

What’s one thing you had growing up that you miss now? No responsibilities? Friends?

Do you prefer kale, lettuce, or spinach? Spinach.

#survey

[tellhound]

Greetings to you! I have done the same many times, rather than daydreaming about faceless people in stale scenarios. Fic is such a more versatile way to see love, or platonic feelings, emerge. And as you say, escapism! Almost every fandom as a Harry Potter AU fic, but magical realism fics-- that's where it's at. Would you agree?

I saw Stranger Things--is Eddie your favorite character all around? I particularly enjoyed One/Henry, and Murray; Russian sounded very different in that show, as compared to others I've seen that have some Russian in it. (I am not Russian, I merely have a good ear for languages, and the difference in tone.)

It pains me to read you didn't have friends growing up, but now, thanks to technology-- friends everywhere... most of the time, yes? But there's nothing like friends that you get close to, and they become part of you. But I too admire loyalty, intellect... a great character arc where they change over the seasons, like Steve, for instance.

Goodness, it really annoys me to no end-- that careless taking of people, giving to people, but never anything deeper or more intimate than that. I agree with you, wholeheartedly. Do you daydream about finding that someday? I do.

Some people can be single by choice, but not us; I kind of like being in the boat with you. There's a song... it's called Petrov, Yelena and Me,by Flight of the Conchords (one of them directed What we do in the Shadows, I believe!) and it's about three friends in a boat; amusing, but dark. Anyway, we're in the boat together. Do you enjoy any particular element, or scenery to look at? I find myself fond of forests.

If you want to tell them, this person, you should take your time getting to know them, yes? I hope they treat you as you deserve to be treated, because you seem like such a fascinating and nice person. No, we don't want anyone to be hurt.

Please feel better, as I saw you were feeling sick when I was searching for your response-- my apologies for my slow response, it's been... a rough few days. But please take care of yourself, stay warm in the cold, incumbent weather. <3

SA.

(I saw the tags, thank you for adding them :) )

Hi! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply! I wasn't ignoring you, just haven't had the energy to really reply to anyone these past few days. But I'm back now!

I actually don't read that many fics (if any at all) that involves magic and especially not the HP kind, but maybe I should?

🤔 These days it's so hard for me to choose between Eddie and Steve. Cause on the one hand I guess I relate more to Eddie than I do to Steve. But there's just something about Steve that I can't quite put my finger on. And still I think I lean slightly more towards Steve. Maybe it's just the fact that we've gotten 4 whole seasons to get to know Steve and seen how much he's grown and changed over those years whereas Eddie was in the show for a total of like an hour so we never got to know him as well as we could've.

Henry/One is definitely an interesting character and I 100% understand why you like him. Oh really? Could it be that it's like different dialects or something compared to what's usually used in shows and movies?

Okay here's the thing... The whole friendship situation was a bit messy for me growing up so it's always just easier to say that I didn't have any friends, cause that's kinda close to the truth? There were some people I hung out with, but none that I could actually trust and it never lasted more than a couple months or so as longest before I had to find new people to spend time with as the ones I used to hang out with just kinda... Idk froze me out of their groups? So I did find myself being alone a lot and when others would hang out with friends I was mostly hanging out with my parents and occasionally my brother and his friends.

With that said I can also reveal that my closest friend have been in my life since 2009, so it wasn't all bad. But let's also not get into that story right now, cause it's... It's a lot and we definitely haven't always been as close as we are today.

Yeah technology is great in connecting with people and I wish I hadn't let past experiences stop me from doing it until I started talking to people on here this year. Definitely met some great people on here that I hope will stay in my life for a long time (I would say forever, but I have my reasons for rarely if ever using that word)

"Goodness, it really annoys me to no end-- that careless taking of people, giving to people, but never anything deeper or more intimate than that." couldn't have said it better myself. Wouldn't say I really daydream about it (anymore), but there's definitely some fleeting thoughts that come and go. Cause thinking about it too much just makes me sad.

I'll need to listen to that song when I can (and watch that show tbh, only heard good things about it). You seem like a good person to be in the same boat with <3

I've always liked looking at fires. Specifically bonfires. They just really make me feel calm and peaceful even though I know how dangerous and destructive they can be if you're not careful. What about you? Any particular reason you're fond of forests?

Yeah I feel like I'm getting to know this person just a little more each time I talk with them ☺️

I could say the same about you, nonnie and I'm so glad you decided to write to me <3

It's taken me a few days, but finally starting to feel better and should be able to go back to work either tomorrow or the day after that.

Sorry you've had a rough week, I'm here if you wanna talk about it. And always take the time you need before you write to me. You're more important <3

If you want me to call you anything else, I'm more than happy to change it

#The a to your q #Sa #Anon #anonymous

[dawn-moths]

“Life is Like Tetris, My Time’s Precious”

CHAPTER 1

Tomura x Female Reader

part 1 * part 2 * part 3

word count: 12,400+

(A quirkless college AU where there’s been some sexual tension between you and a classmate you’ve had a crush on for quite some time. But despite your frequent interactions over the years due to your similar class schedules, you aren’t quite sure if Tomura Shigaraki is actually into you. When he finally invites you to hang out in his dorm while his roommate is away however, you have quite the experience and learn even more about the boy who you’ve been trying to get closer to for so long.)

disclaimer/content warning: 18+ sexual content! minors dni! Tomura is actually kind of sweet to you in this but he’s also a sad boy, touch starved/virgin Shiggy, Touya/Dabi cameo ‘cause i couldn’t help myself lol, title taken from “Hoodie Up” by MISSIO. 

***

The brisk coolness of early fall swept through your college campus, forcing you to trade the shorts and crop tops of the fading summer for jeans and oversized sweaters, cute pleated skirts paired with college crewnecks and ankle boots. The leaves on the trees lining the main path were beginning to change too, the pale greens and bright yellows of last season merging into vibrant sunset oranges and sultry crimson and plum.

Though, despite the dwindling warmth of September that bled into the first few weeks of October, you were excited for the new season, even if it did mean you were closer to having to bundle up in as many layers as possible and trek to class in the snow. Because a new season meant a new semester, new classes, new chances. And you’d gotten lucky to end up in a computer science class with your favorite acquaintance.

As you practically skipped to the lab where rows of monitors were lined up with big, bright glowing screens, you couldn’t shake the giddiness that filled up your chest at seeing him again, the emotion like a blend of sweet honey and spicy cinnamon.

You’d had at least one class with Tomura Shigaraki since freshman year so, while the two of you weren’t quite friends, per se, you did know each other well enough to pick seats next to each other during lecture or for you to slide into a booth in the cafeteria if you saw him sitting alone, exchange some small talk here or there, little interactions like that.

He’d let you copy some of his notes a few times and you’d helped him edit some essays, never really gotten much further than school assignments or the occasional mutual complaining about a particularly hard professor. But even so, you held onto every interaction you’d ever had with him, the memories and conversations piling up over time. 

You hadn’t always had a crush on him. Nothing like love at first sight or anything like that.

In fact, the first time the pale boy with the disheveled hair and dark clothing made eye contact with you during your freshman intro class, you’d actually been quite intimidated.

But over time, once you’d actually talked to him (you’d been the first one to break the ice, of course), gotten to know him a little better, that harsh outer exterior decorated with scratch marks and scars had become softer in your vision, maybe even charming in his own awkward kind of way.

You’d learned that Shigaraki was actually pretty shy, just used his aloof aura to his advantage because he was afraid to get too close to anyone. He wasn’t mean or scary or any of those other things you’d speculated him to be upon first glance, though he could be pretty reactive when someone tried to overstep his boundaries.

Being touched in particular, especially by strangers, seemed to set him off like nothing else.

You’d only witnessed it once during these past three years, but that single incident had been enough to leave an impression.

And it hurt you a little bit, the thought that, even if he maybe did like you back, you might never be able to touch him, that he might never let you.

But you’d brushed fingertips before while exchanging class handouts. You’d bumped elbows next to each other in the computer lab.

Maybe, just maybe, there was some hope.

But time was running out.

Because this would potentially be your last year together. And when you realized that you might never see him again after graduation, a little crack began to splinter in your heart.

You found yourself overthinking every interaction, every conversation or greeting nod he directed towards you when you passed each other on campus, every crooked smile or sarcastic chuckle you could pull from him even when he tried so hard to keep his emotions contained.

It was like you were trying to make sure things were perfect, even if they were just meaningless encounters in his eyes, because once he was gone that would be it.

You’d only have the fleeting memories.

But you couldn’t get hung up on the fear, on the what if’s and why didn’t I say or do this sooner’s.

You had to make this next year— these next months— count for something.

So you continued to play this odd game of mental tetris with yourself, trying to rearrange the pieces so that everything would fall perfectly into place before the time ran out and it was game over.

“Hey,” you greeted Tomura with a smile as you approached the monitor next to the one he was already seated at.

He nodded his head at you once without looking your way and replied with a muttered, “Sup,” already pulling up the latest assignment that he would most likely be finished before the end of class.

That was ok though. Once he was done with his then you could have him help you with yours, if you caught him before he grabbed up his bag and scuttled out of the room to go wherever it was he sought refuge in between classes.

“God, you’re fast,” you breathed out in awe as his fingers flew over the keys, punching in code line after line on the screen. His hands had always looked pretty to you— long, lithe fingers and alabaster skin, free of the rust tint that was sometimes caked under his short fingernails today, though you could see a few fading reddened stripes peeking out from under the sleeves of his black hoodie on his wrists and neck.

“S’cause it’s easy…” Tomura replied with a quiet drone, vermillion gaze stuck lazily on the computer screen, darting back and forth in minuscule motions as he typed.

“For you, maybe,” you responded through a gentle chuckle, continuing to watch him work while you waited for your computer to boot up. “I’m not even halfway done.”

“Well that’s why I’m a video game design major and you’re not,” Tomura smirked, bloodshot eyes still glued to the screen.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever nerd,” you shot back playfully. If it were anyone else, you’d lean over and nudge them with your elbow, forcing them to look you in the eyes for a split second and notice your sly grin. But with Tomura, you played it safe and kept your distance.

“I’m almost done,” he then sighed, confirming your earlier assumption about his progress. “I’ll help you after.”

Your smile widened, though the moment of joy was short-lived as the professor walked in, flicked off the lights, and began the day’s lesson, only the brightness from the monitors illuminating the surrounding area. But even in the dim, cool light you tried to sneak glances at Tomura beside you, the silvery waves of his hair cast with soft hues of cyan and pearl.

It only took Tomura about ten more minutes before he was done with his assignment, but he kept to his promise to help you out, discreetly taking your mouse in his hand and sliding your keyboard closer to him before correcting a few mistakes you’d made along the way before straight up doing your work for you, not even trying to hide the fact that he knew you wouldn’t be able to finish on your own.

You didn’t complain though. Honestly, you only took this class because it was the last requirement you needed to graduate. Well, that and the fact that you knew he was taking it too.

You didn’t really pay attention while the professor spoke and directed the other lost students step by step over the big projector screen at the front of the room. You were too mesmerized, both by the lightning speed of Tomura’s fingers over the keys and the way his scarlet gaze was so focused on the task before him.

It was like second nature to him.

Computers— and just electronics in general— had always been something he could understand easily. The way they’re put together, the way they come apart. It was the most intimate relationship he had, the certainty in which his fingers tapped on the keys with one hand while the other rested on the mouse, cursor zipping back and forth across the screen.

You caught yourself staring at his hands again, noticing a short stint of silence when he took a break from all the typing to scratch at one of his wrists, the sound of his nails raking across his skin setting you a little on edge.

You wish he wouldn’t do that. All the scratching all the time.

If it wasn’t his neck or his wrists that were marked with streaks of red, sometimes so deep you could tell the tracks had definitely been bleeding recently, then you were sure that the discomfort must be written on other parts of his body as well, places you couldn’t see, but would like to, given the chance.

You wanted to reach over sometimes when you caught him doing it absentmindedly and clasp his hand in yours, give his fingers something else to find purchase in rather than his own flesh.

But again, you knew you couldn’t.

He’d surely reject you, maybe even get mad at you like he did to that one kid the time he placed a hand on his shoulder after class, entire body flinching away violently and slamming into the painted over cinder block of the hall, eyes gone wide and wild as his chest rose and fell with frantic hyperventilation before he told the guy off and stalked away in a rage.

You always wondered what had made him that way, why touch was so hard for him, but again, you didn’t ask. Because, whatever it was, you figured that he probably didn’t want to talk about it, especially with the likes of a classmate that he’d only ever really hung out with because he was forced to via matching class schedules.

And soon, your computer science class was over, the lights were flicked back on, momentarily blinding you as you squinted through the harsh brightness of the fluorescent bulbs running along the ceiling, and students began to file out.

You thanked Tomura for his help, offering to treat him to coffee sometime as payment for the favor, and then you expected him to just grab his stuff and leave like he usually did, maybe give a weary “See you” on his way out.

But that time he didn't.

Instead, he lingered in his seat a little longer, watching you as you slowly gathered your things. And then, just before you were about to be the one to give the obligatory farewell before you went on your way, he stopped you.

“Hey, uh…” he began, nervously scratching at the back of his neck, tangling his fingers into tufts of pale hair as his scarlet gaze flicked away from your own. “Do you, uh… Do you maybe wanna hang out sometime? Like, outside of class?”

You almost couldn’t believe it. Your ears rang a bit with all the blood that was rushing to your head, hoping it wasn’t showing too much on your face while your heart hammered in your chest and your cheeks burned.

“O-of course!” You finally replied with a nervous smile, breaking from your daze. “Is there a particular day or time or…?”

Tomura asked if you’re around this weekend, Friday evening specifically, as he would be done with his classes around three in the afternoon. “My roommate’s gonna be out for the weekend,” he added, then caught himself and corrected it by saying, “I mean, not that that matters, but I’m just saying— You could come over to my dorm, if you wanted…”

And then you knew your face was reddening, the mere thought, the idea of being alone with Tomura filling you to the brim with pure joy and nervous excitement. You tried to play it cool though, telling him you’d check your schedule and text him later to let him know even though you’d already decided any and all plans that you may have already had were going to be postponed because you might never get another chance like this.

“Cool…” Tomura replied with a nod as a nervous smile began to spread across his lips, tongue darting out to lick at them where they were chapped.

You said you’d see each other soon and then you headed out, Tomura still staying behind for a moment after you exited to collect his nerves, letting out an exhale of relief that you actually accepted his offer, though still felt stupid for making the comment about his roommate. Though, he was glad that the two of you would be alone. The last thing he needed was that guy stirring up trouble with the girl he’s had a crush on all these years.

And you, well, you beelined it for the nearest bathroom, locking yourself in the stall all the way at the end until you could get your big, goofy smile under control. Because you were happy. You were so, so happy. Because maybe, just maybe, he liked you back after all.

Maybe all the months and days and moments of stolen glances and fleeting smiles exchanged between the two of you had actually been amounting to something, however painfully slow.

And he’d looked so flustered at just asking you that simple question, at inviting you over.

It was adorable to you, his sheepishness at a task that was all too familiar to you. You had to fight hard to suppress a series of giggles that were trembling through your chest, face buried into the palms of your hands regardless of the fact that no one else could see you.

You took a few more deep breaths before you emerged from the stall, studying your face in the mirror to make sure that all the rosiness of your glee had disappeared for the time being, though you were sure once you were back in the safety of your dorm room and got to texting him the inevitable “hey, so I checked and I’m free on Friday” that the color would return to your cheeks.

And so, after you received Tomura’s reply of “Ok, how about you come over around five then” and you instantly replied with a “See you then!” you were left to lay back on your bed and clutch your phone close to your chest, your smile lingering for hours as you daydreamed about what Friday would behold, what opportunities it would present for the both of you.

And you felt like, somehow, someway, maybe you were getting a hang of arranging the pieces of this mental tetris game you’d been playing. Maybe, if you were lucky, you’d be able to look at the final image and see that it all lined up perfectly, in the end.

***

Friday had felt like forever away, especially since you and Tomura hadn’t had any other classes together that week after your Thursday one had gotten canceled and you’d been cooped up in your room or the library to finish as many assignments as you could so you would be free to enjoy the weekend without worry.

But now that it was here, you were starting to wish you’d had a little more time. Because it was four o’clock, just one hour before you were set to meet Tomura at his dorm— one of the senior apartments on the edge of campus— and your elation was quickly melting into a thick, sticky mire of dread and anxiety.

What if things were awkward? Or what if you overstepped somehow?

What if Tomura didn’t actually like you like that after all and you’d gotten all worked up for nothing? What if you made a fool of yourself and he never wanted to talk to you again?

What if you arranged all the pieces incorrectly and screwed up with just one wrong move?

Stop overthinking, you reminded yourself sternly through a long exhale. Everything’s going to be fine.

But what were you going to wear? What kind of look would Tomura like? I mean, he’d seen you on a weekly basis for just over three years now, give or take the months out of the summer and winter when you’d both returned home for break and hadn’t been around each other. Would it be too obvious that you were trying too hard if you showed up all decked out? Would that make him uncomfortable?

You didn’t even know what the two of you would be doing. If you were just going to be sitting around and chatting or playing video games or watching TV then you would probably want to be comfortable. Tomura didn’t seem like the type who went out much. Not unless he had to, of course. And for as much as a party-goer you’d been in your underclassmen years, you hadn’t run into him at a single event.

He usually dressed pretty casual— a black long sleeve or hoodie over a pair of jeans and the same red converse every single day— so did that mean you should match his level of nonchalance?

But you wanted to look cute, for him and for yourself, especially since a nice outfit always helped boost your self-confidence and calm your nerves.

You tried on a few different options before making a final decision of one of your pleated skirts— a white one— paired with a baby blue sweater, some delicate gold jewelry to accent the outfit and a pair of black combat boots.

It was nearing 4:45 by then, and you carefully surveyed yourself in the mirror to make sure you really were satisfied before grabbing your purse and heading out the door, knowing it took about twenty minutes to walk across campus to where Tomura’s apartment was, fifteen if you walked fast.

The evening air was chillier than the atmosphere that covered campus during the day, golden sunlight that spilled over the neatly manicured grounds in amber and honey shades now sinking behind the main student center building and soon disappearing below the horizon.

You held your skirt down as a gust of wind blew past you, sending a shiver through your body and causing you to pick up the pace a bit, the senior apartments coming into sight from down the hill.

You cut across the lawn and, only a few more strides from his front door, slowed your steps, taking in a few more deep breaths before convincing yourself that you were ok, that everything was going to be fine, and then knocked on the door, stepping back and wrapping your arms around yourself to further attempt to keep out the cold.

“Hey…” Tomura answered, looking down at you with a slightly mystified stare, vermillion eyes shining in the low light of the little sconce above the entrance.

“Hey,” you replied with a timid smile, approaching to walk through the door and feeling instant relief at escaping the autumn winds that seemed to be picking up by the second.

“Glad you could make it.” Tomura closed the door and then took the lead up towards the second floor of the apartments where his dorm was located. After a few steps upward he began explaining, some fading irritation laced into his tone, “So, my roommate’s still here. But he’s on his way out. If he says anything weird, just ignore him. He’s kind of an asshole, but…” But he didn’t finish that particular thought, punctuating it with a lazy shrug.

“Don’t worry,” you giggled, easing a little bit of Tomura’s concern. “I can handle it.”

Tomura muttered something about how he knew his roommate was going to do this— was going to be late in making his exit even though he’d assured Tomura he’d be out long before five— just to see exactly who his loner of a roommate was inviting over.

“Is it a girl?” the roommate had pressed after Tomura had informed him that he’d be having company on this particular day at this particular time. Tomura hadn’t indulged him, just sighed and said that it didn’t matter. “Well if you’re gonna fuck ‘er,” he’d gone on crudely and with a hint of sinister satisfaction in making Tomura uncomfortable, “just don’t do it on the couch. I don’t wanna have’ta sacrifice the best seat just ‘cause you got cum all over it.”

Tomura had scrunched his face in disgust and then told his roommate that any situation where that would even be remotely possible wasn’t going to happen, so he could stop worrying about it.

“I mean, shoot your shot, dude,” he’d teased Tomura. “Just don’t do it in a shared space.”

Tomura had ignored him after that, just retreated to his room and shut the door, getting lost in one of the many virtual worlds that he liked to use to forget reality and responsibility for a little while.

But now, as he was about to lead you into his apartment where you were most definitely going to come face to face with his cocky asshole of a roommate, he wished he’d just agreed to meet you somewhere until he was sure that guy was gone.

The moment you passed through the doorway, a set of sapphire eyes snapped over to scan you up and down, onyx hair sticking up in tousled spikes and a devious grin playing on his lips, two tattoo sleeves wrapped around his arms with all kinds of black inked designs and numerous piercings lining his ears.

“Uh…” Tomura began awkwardly as you stood between the two boys. “This is Touya, my roommate.” Tomura then informed Touya of your name with much reluctance.

“So it was a girl after all,” Touya said through a devilish smirk, taking a few lazy strides towards you where he could tower over you better, take in the sweet sight of your innocent little eyes staring up at him. Then, with a dangerous amount of audacity, Touya leaned down a little closer to you and said, as if it were a secret, though loud enough that Tomura could clearly hear, “If you get bored with this one, well, I guess you know where to find me now.”

“Alright, ok…” Tomura raised his voice and rolled his eyes, coming to stand beside you, as if in claim or protection, and scowled at his roommate. “Shouldn’t you be leaving, Touya? Would hate for you to get stuck in traffic.”

Tomura wanted to put an arm around you, to pull you closer to him to further accentuate the fact that you weren’t up for grabs as easily as Touya thought any girl on any given day was, but he didn’t. Couldn’t, was more like it. Because he was afraid to freak you out.

He was afraid to freak himself out too, and something as simple as a touch was such an easy trigger.

“Yeah, yeah, alright, I’m leavin’,” Touya replied with petty attitude as he slung his bag over his shoulder and pulled his car keys from the pocket of his ripped black jeans. “Just remember, Shigs…” he cooed condescendingly as he passed Tomura, reaching over to pat his shoulder twice and gaining a damn near evil glint in his eyes when Tomura tensed and sucked in a hiss of a breath at the unwanted contact. “Keep it PG in here.” Touya looked over his shoulder and winked at you, clicking his tongue twice and then heading out the door, letting it slam behind him.

And then it was just the two of you. Just you and Tomura— who was still tense long after Touya’s hand had left his shoulder— standing in the silent dorm and going through two very different waves of emotion at the guy who’d just made an unforgettable intro and exit in one fell swoop.

“Shit, you weren’t kidding…” you finally said, trying to lighten the mood with a smile, even if it was crooked and uncomfortable. “That guy really is an asshole.”

“Yeah, well, sorry ‘bout that…” Tomura glared towards the door, as if Touya were still out there and waiting up to listen to the reactions he’d stirred in you two. “I’ve tried to get a roommate change, but I haven’t been able to find anyone else…”

You could tell that Tomura was actually really bothered by Touya, especially the comment made towards you and the whole touching his shoulder thing, but you wanted him to know that it was ok. Or, at the very least, that you weren’t bothered by it, if that were actually a concern of his.

You opted to change the subject, maybe turn Tomura’s attention back to the task at hand rather than that anticipated altercation by asking him to show you around. Luckily, he took the bait, snapping out of his simmering fury and looking back at you with a softer stare, stuttering through an, “O-ok, yeah, sure…” before giving you the short tour of the apartment.

There was minimal decor, as was expected from two college boys. Just a couch in front of the TV and game consoles, a bean bag chair off to the side, a small kitchen area with a table and two chairs and dishes piled high in the sink (Tomura muttered something about how Touya was never cleaning up after himself). The bathroom looked clean, at least, though there were products strewn across the sink counters in disarray.

Tomura let you peek into Touya’s room, which was across from his, and you weren’t surprised to see Tarantino posters adorning the walls. There was also a big, blue lava lamp which hadn’t been unplugged casting the room in a soft cobalt light, school books scattered across the desk next to the bed which was barely made, covers just thrown over the mattress hastily and without care, and a leather jacket hanging over the back of the desk chair.

Next, however, was Tomura’s room. He’d clearly straightened up before you’d arrived, no doubt kept his space in controlled chaos the rest of the time. But it was nice that he’d cared enough to clean up before you came over.

His room was much more modest than Touya’s, which did surprise you a bit with how much time you’d figured he spent in it given his antisocial personality. Besides his main gaming PC, which contained three monitors, there were just some classic horror movie posters and dark indie comics piled on one of the shelves.

“So, yeah…” Tomura said at the end of the tour. “That’s pretty much it.”

“It’s nice,” you nodded. It was a vague compliment, if not a considerate lie, but you weren’t here for the interior design. You were here for Tomura. He could’ve lived in a cave and you still would’ve arrived to sit next to him in the damp and the dark.

“Yeah, so, uh…” he began again nervously, hand reaching for his neck before turning into a fist, stopping himself from retracing the already visible red marks. “I was thinking we could maybe order some food and just chill… Whatever you want, really.”

You told him food sounded nice and when he asked if you had any preferences you said that you weren’t picky. As the two of you reemerged out into the living area with the couch and bean bag chair, you took a seat on the latter and took note of his game consoles.

“Lemme guess…” you speculated with a mischievous narrowing of your eyes and upward quirk of one eyebrow. “PlayStation is yours and Xbox is your roommates?”

“Yeah,” Tomura replied through a tiny breath of amusement, picking up a controller and tossing it your way, flicking on the TV to the already in use PlayStation where a video streaming app had been left open. “Why don’t you pick us something to watch while I order us something to eat?”

Before you could form an answer, Tomura walked out of sight and into the little side kitchen to deal with the food. You were left sinking into the bean bag chair a little further, controller held in your hands as you stared blankly at your options.

Again, you were trying to rearrange the pieces to fall perfectly into place before your time ran out, wondering what Tomura might like, besides old monster movies like the posters on his walls clearly suggested. Surely rom-coms were at the complete opposite end of the spectrum for him, but to be honest you weren’t usually crazy about those types of things either. Maybe some kind of dark drama or mystery would suffice. Or maybe he liked fantasy.

But when you spotted your favorite movie tucked deep into his to watch list, you knew exactly what to choose.

“Hey, food’s all ordered,” Tomura informed you as he headed back into the living room, sorting something out on his phone real quick before powering it off and slipping it back into his pocket. “Did you find something for us to—”

“Have you seen this before?” you asked, your excitement cutting him off along with that cute smile adorning your face.

Tomura’s eyes flicked to the movie pulled up on the screen and then back to you. “Uh… No, actually. Not yet. Have you?”

“Uh, it’s only my favorite movie ever!” you exclaimed like it was obvious.

At this, Tomura found himself beginning to smile involuntarily again, the expression becoming strangled on his face as he tried to keep his emotions at bay like he was so used to doing.

“Well then, guess we know what we’re watching.” He took a seat on the couch and you suddenly found yourself regretting your choice of the bean bag. To fix this, however, you made the excuse of going off to use the bathroom before the movie started, taking a seat next to him— but not too close— on the couch once you returned.

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen this before,” you went on as the production credits began to roll, the intro music and sounds beginning to fade in. You wondered if Tomura was the type who liked to talk during movies or stay silent. Given his track record of not being known to be too chatty you figured your viewing experience would consist mostly of the dialogue and score of the film, though you wouldn’t be able to help but make comments during certain parts where you knew fun behind the scenes facts or bits of trivia.

Tomura didn’t seem to mind though. In fact, he actually liked your inserted pieces of commentary that were peppered throughout the movie in a hushed voice, as if you two were sitting in a theatre and not just on his dorm’s couch.

Pretty soon though, his phone dinged, letting him know the food had arrived, and he paused the image on the screen to retrieve your dinner, carrying in two bags of take out from his favorite local noodle place that he thought— hoped— you liked. Luckily, you actually recognized the logo on the bags, perking up and pointing out how you loved that place too.

You sauntered over to help him sort through and place everything on the table in front of the couch where you could eat and watch at the same time.

“No way…” you chuckled once you realized what he’d ordered. “I’m not even joking, this is actually my favorite thing from that place.”

Tomura’s scarlet eyes widened a bit, appearing to be caught off guard by you again until he averted his gaze and replied through a crooked smirk, “R-really? Well, guess we have the same favorite then.”

You smiled through your next bite and Tomura pressed play on the movie, the scene jumping back into motion while the two of you watched intently through the rest of your meal. However, once your bellies were full and the takeout containers lay empty on the table, you felt your eyelids starting to get heavy with an oncoming food coma.

Tomura noticed this, as he’d been sneaking glances at you here or there while you were distracted with your favorite film, and anxiously asked, “Are you tired?”

“Hm?” you perked up a bit and looked over at him. “Oh, no, I’m fine,” you tried to assure him, readjusting your position on the couch from a slumped position to sitting cross-legged and upright to keep your attention focused.

And, god, how Tomura wanted to be closer to you.

He wanted so badly to slide over and press his thigh against the bare skin of yours, to put his arm around you and let you lean in and rest your head against his chest. To run his fingers through your soft hair, to let his fingertips graze your tender skin.

He wanted you so badly but he didn’t even know where to start when he was so terrified of how he might react against his own will, of how you might view him as a freak with the way he struggled to accept the sensation of touch.

And you, well, you still weren’t entirely sure what Tomura’s intentions were in inviting you here.

Did he just want to be friends? Did he want to be more than that? Had you already screwed up somehow and now the game was doomed to be lost?

But maybe that was the problem both of you were facing right now.

You were thinking about this in binary terms, in a scenario where there were only two options.

To win or to lose.

To touch or to stay away.

To be friends or lovers.

Maybe you both just had to reinvent the code, reprogram the ending.

And to Tomura’s own surprise, he was the first to make his move, sliding just a little closer to you as he nervously cleared his throat, trying to swallow down all the fear and past traumas that had kept him away from you for so long when all he’d really wanted was to be by your side, to feel the weight of your body on his as he cradled you in his arms.

You flicked your gaze up to meet his, that sweet and innocent doe-eyed expression making him even more nervous as he was afraid that his body would start to act out against his own will and expose how he really felt about you before his words had the chance to explain.

“Is… Is this ok?” Tomura asked as he inched just a tiny bit closer, heartbeat hammering beneath his scarred chest while he nearly held his breath in anticipation for your approval.

But when you smiled and nodded with a cutesy little hum of mm-hmm he was able to breathe a little easier, letting out a sigh of relief as some of the rigidness his figure usually carried melted away.

That was step number one, he thought to himself. Now if only I could just…

Tomura took a chance and slowly raised the arm that was nearest to you to first rest on the back of the couch, his fingers close enough to brush against the baby blue fabric of your sweater if he wanted to reach out and touch it. Close enough to apply enough pressure to feel the shape of your shoulder in his palm, if he could find the courage.

With another careful inhale and exhale, a calming breath, Tomura initiated the first physical contact he’d had with another human being in he didn’t even know how long. His arm came to rest over your shoulders and when you willingly snuggled in closer to him, rested your head against his chest just like he’d fantasized about, he almost didn’t know what to do with himself.

He felt like he could black out any second now, the feeling of another human being so foreign, so frightening against his body that he was sure you could feel his entire being drumming to the beat of his frantic heart.

But if you were aware of Tomura’s nerves on any level, you didn’t let it show.

Instead, you were too occupied by the fact that yes, this was actually happening. Tomura was actually touching you, actually letting you lay your head against him and curl up to his side.

You imagined you really could fall asleep now, a certain kind of trustworthiness emanating from him that you usually didn’t feel from other guys.

Maybe it was because you’d known him for three years and he hadn’t tried to make a move on you. Maybe it was because, unlike the other frat boys or sports proteges who usually flirted with you or tried to make a move before they could even learn your name, it felt like Tomura actually cared for you.

“Do you remember the first time we met?” you asked him eventually, neither of you really paying attention to the movie anymore despite your stares being stuck to the screen.

“Uh…” Tomura began, recalling the memory easily though not wanting to let you onto the fact that he held it so preciously. “I think so. It was the first day of freshman intro, right?”

You nodded, and Tomura had to fight hard not to tense at the motion of your head against his chest. Getting used to the pressure of the contact was becoming easier, but the feeling of movement was still an entirely different thing for him.

“You were sitting in the back by the corner staring out the window,” you recounted, picturing the memory in your head like your own film of fondness.

You could still remember the way his silvery hair caught your attention through the crowd of eager new students, the way the sun casting through the glass panes painted half of his pale face with the warmth of late summer light.

He’d looked bothered by something as he gazed out at the campus landscape or, in the very least, deep in thought. You’d figured you ought to keep your distance from him, that you needed to make friends and he most definitely wasn’t going to give you the time of day.

But then something made the scarred-skinned and bloodshot-eyed boy turn his head to look at you, his bright crimson stare widening even more once he caught you staring back, quickly looking away to hide his embarrassment at being noticed, and by a girl as pretty as yourself at that.

“And I remember wondering…” you continued with an almost dreamlike lilt to your tone, “I remember wondering what exactly it was that you were thinking about before you looked over at me. You looked so deep in thought, like you didn’t even notice anyone else in the room.”

“I noticed you,” Tomura said, the words just sort of slipping out and making both of you tense for a moment. But when you looked up at him again he somehow found the courage to continue. “I mean, it’s just— You just caught my eye and…”

Tomura then let out an exaggerated sigh and removed his arm from around you momentarily to run his hands down his face, growing frustrated with his confined emotions and the lack of ways to express them.

But what he was really doing was talking around this.

He was avoiding what he actually wanted to say.

Because Tomura had known back then that he’d liked you and he definitely knew now that those feelings were even stronger.

And it was so hard to convey that to you without telling you everything, without opening years worth of old wounds, most of which he’d inflicted upon himself at this point, and risking scaring you away with all the odds and ends of his emotional baggage.

But he wanted to tell you.

Because he wanted you to understand.

He wanted you to understand that it wasn’t you— was never you— that had caused him to drag this game out for so long, getting stuck on this level of being nothing more than classmates or acquaintances.

Once Tomura realized that the only boss he had left to battle before advancing to the next stage was himself though, he gathered all the weapons in his arsenal and prepared for battle.

Because he was going to complete this game and he was determined to get a good ending.

“I’ve liked you for a really long time,” Tomura finally admitted, trying to keep his voice from breaking upon such a bold confession. But his bout of newfound confidence was short lived, the fear creeping up on him with its looming shadow, causing him to start stumbling over his words again as he choked out, “And I-I guess I just— Well, I mean I—”

“Tomura…” You sat up and turned your body to face him better, forcing him to look into your eyes while his mouth clamped shut and frowned slightly, scarlet gaze wide when he saw the sympathetic expression you were casting upon him.

Then, ever so carefully and with a featherlight touch, you reached up with both hands to gently cup his cheeks in your palms while you smiled at him with an unfamiliar sadness that he wasn’t used to seeing on your usually cheery face. He only flinched a little upon the initial contact but soon found that he liked the feeling of your soft skin against his, your little hands warm from being balled up in your sleeves and causing him to lean into the touch and close his vibrant eyes with calming comfort.

Because with you, Tomura realized he felt safe.

With you, Tomura felt loved.

“I’ve liked you for a really long time too,” you told him, and his eyes snapped back open like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, just staring at you in a daze for a few more moments until you added through a slightly nervous giggle, “Too bad you didn’t invite me over sooner.”

At this, Tomura couldn’t help but crack a crooked smirk, his expression softening a bit and then morphing into something a little sadder.

Because you were right.

Why hadn’t he invited you over sooner?

Well, the obvious answer was that he was always so terrified of getting close to someone and then messing it all up, of having any relationship he got lucky enough to form crumble to dust in his hands the moment he was able to finally feel like he was getting a grasp on it.

But ever since the beginning, you’d been different.

Unlike everyone else Tomura had come across during these past three years, you’d never expected anything of him other than for him to be exactly who he was, even if that was just a quiet, awkward loner. And, sure, he’d done you favors before, helped you with assignments you struggled on (especially ones involving computers) but you’d never tried to cozy up to him just so he’d let you cheat off him.

And you’d always returned the favor somehow, whether it was by bringing him a coffee during an early morning class you shared or offering to help edit his essays.

And the fact that he was just realizing this now, when the time felt like it was almost out…

Well, the notion brought him both a strange kind of relief and a little panic in knowing that yes, these next few months carried more weight than merely being a series of four weeks beholding different names.

“I… I’ve never really…” Tomura tried to explain, seeming to grow rigid again as you pulled your hands away to fidget in your lap while you continued to stare up at him with those adorably innocent eyes of yours. He let out a small sigh through his nose, again growing frustrated with his lack of direct communication.

It was like there was a gate inside his throat that would close every single time the words tried to slip through. It didn’t matter how many gaps in the perimeter they found, they’d be shut out every time until they were dragged back to the cell of his mind and locked away.

Stop being such a coward, he scolded himself mentally. Just fucking say it.

“Are you ok?” you asked him, pure concern falling over your features now.

Tomura’s gaze snapped back to meet yours as he quickly tried to salvage this moment, “Yeah, sorry, I’m fine. It’s just…” He paused, hoping— praying— that his words could finally escape from the prison he’d kept them in for so long. Maybe he’d forget to lock the gate. Maybe, as their warden, his back would be turned when the searchlight fell upon them. Then they’d be free. He’d be free.

“Can I admit something really embarrassing to you?” he asked, trying to suppress a nervous smile.

You giggled again, the sound giving Tomura more of that feeling again, the one he was afraid of most of all. The one that he had to be careful not to let you see. You said, “Sure. Of course.”

Tomura took in one long, shaky breath, exhaling in the same way until he felt like he’d finally found the right order to arrange his words in their newfound freedom.

And then he told you everything.

He told you about his childhood and his trauma and his trust issues.

He told you how, not only had he never been with anyone, but didn’t even know how to be with someone. He told you how hard it was for him to watch others be happy as couples together, that this idea of singularity was the only one he’d ever felt comfortable with but was still curious as to what it might feel like to experience what he knew hundreds— thousands— of other people did on the daily.

“I thought it was just touch that was stopping me this whole time…” Tomura confessed, unable to look at you. Still though, when you’d placed your hand on his knee in an attempt to console him, he hadn’t flinched away. “But I think it’s maybe something more than that. And I’m just afraid that…” He flicked his vermillion gaze back up to meet yours for just a moment until averting it again, and now it was your turn to think about how cute he was, how innocent he seemed right now, how vulnerable. “I’m afraid that maybe no one’s ever gonna love me and no matter how hard I try I might never…”

You feared he might try to distance himself from you, mentally or physically, so you reached up to cup his cheek in your hand again since he seemed like he liked that last time, this time sliding your hand further around the back of his head to gently tangle in his fluffy hair, which was a lot softer than you’d expected it to be, twisting his loose curls around your fingers while you spoke quietly, as if to a sleeping child, and assured him, “I’ve known people who don’t deserve love. But, Tomura…” Your eyes were locked and this time neither of you dared to look away, both equally transfixed, mesmerized by the way the colors in each other’s irises caught the changing light of the movie still playing in the background. “You’re not one of them.”

Tomura wanted to cry and, for a moment, he was afraid tears might really be welling in his eyes. Because he’d gone his whole life being told or convinced by others or himself that there were so many things that he didn’t deserve. So many things that he could never have. But you’d just broken all those bad memories, shattered them like millions of tiny pieces of glass, reduced them to a state so small that they blew away like sand in the wind.

Because, for once, he believed what he was hearing.

Tomura believed that he deserved love.

“I know that things may seem scary sometimes,” you continued, readjusting your position to lean in a little closer to him. “We all have things about ourselves that we’re afraid others might think are weird or wrong if we show them. But I think you’d have to be kidding yourself to be convinced that everything about you is perfect. Even people who seem like that on the outside, who are super confident or cocky or whatever front they’re putting on. They have insecurities too.”

Tomura let out a strangled sort of chuckle, his chest shuddering with the sound as the back of his throat tightened, those tears threatening to break through the gate like his confession just had. “I just don’t wanna lose you…” he whispered as his forehead came down to rest against yours, the touch so gentle that you almost didn’t feel it until pressing into him a little harder, giving him a second to adjust to the contact.

“You’re not gonna lose me…” you whispered back, combing through his hair with both hands now and causing a few hitched breaths to escape through Tomura’s clenched teeth. “And I want you to know that, when you’re ready, I’m willing to help you try, if you still want to…”

Tomura was sure his heart stopped for a beat then.

Because yes, he really, really wanted to.

And he wanted it to be with you.

God, he wanted it to be with you.

It was a scenario he’d only seen in his dreams, in a place where he could touch you and be touched without really feeling it, though if he could handle it he could only imagine what it would feel like. What you would feel like.

“Is this ok?” you asked as your careful little hands drifted down to clasp around the back of his neck. When he nodded his head you gently stroked your thumb along his skin, tracing the raised line of a scar you could feel while trying to meet his timid gaze again as his own shaking hands lightly gripped your waist.

You slowly positioned yourself to straddle his lap, watching as his adam’s apple bobbed with a particularly thick gulp at seeing you like this. Feeling you like this, your legs spread over his lap as the weight of your thighs rested against the tops of his own.

“How ‘bout this…?” you whispered, your face reddening a bit as your own heartbeat picked up speed.

“Y-yeah…” Tomura replied shyly, his hesitant fingers digging into your hips a little more, so close to where the hem of your sweater and the waistband of your skirt could part to expose your soft skin. “Is… Is this ok?”

You let out a soft giggle then, which made Tomura blush, nervous that maybe he’d overstepped somehow, but when you drifted a little closer, wrapping your body around him in a tender, loving embrace, he felt a little more at ease, actually returning the gesture once he’d gotten used to it.

The two of you sat like that for a little while, the weight of your body pressed against his so warm, so welcoming to him despite his inexperience. And he allowed himself to gain a little more confidence, his hands traveling down your back and towards your hips again until they drifted even further and made contact with the bare skin of your thighs, which were still comfortably spread open on his lap.

He could feel that sensation within him building again, anxiety accompanying it the more he realized he could basically feel the outline of your sex against his own through the material of his jeans.

Would you think it rude of him if he got hard under you right now?

Well, he couldn’t exactly control that, but he didn’t have the first clue about what girls were really into, what they might consider gross or what might freak them out.

But then again, you wouldn’t have straddled his lap like this if you didn’t want to feel something…

“Can I…” Tomura began cautiously, his tongue darting out to wet his chapped lips as he nervously concluded the question of, “Can I kiss you?” And god, the sight of your sweet, innocent little smile that he imagined was reserved just for him was killing him, sending sparks shooting through his blood with white hot electricity.

“Course you can, silly,” you assured him through another adorable giggle.

And Tomura, who’d only ever fantasized about kissing you, knew that he didn’t have time to be a coward right now. He leaned in closer as your eyes closed, your lashes looking even longer than he’d noticed them to be before when he saw them lay flat against your cheeks.

So pretty, he thought as his own eyes fluttered closed and he felt his rough lips brush against your sweet, soft ones, hesitating only a moment before completing the gesture. She’s beautiful…

You tried to help guide him by the time both your mouths were open and your tongues met, taking in the taste of each other as several satisfied hums escaped from both your throats.

For Tomura’s first kiss, he wasn’t all that bad. You’d chuckled when he’d apologized for his teeth tapping against yours, but you told him not to worry about it, further directing him and allowing him to keep trying until he got it just right.

He was a fast learner. You had to hand it to him for that.

“A-Are you sure you’re still ok?” Tomura asked you during a break in your kiss. “I mean…”

“I’m ok,” you nodded, voice a sultry whisper. “As long as you are…?”

Tomura nodded as well, and when you slightly shifted your position on top of him, he felt a certain breed of dread turn cold in his veins.

Because he was completely hard now and both of you knew it.

“Oh god, I’m sorry, I just—” he began to frantically apologize, instantly self conscious and unsure of what to do while you were still on top of him.

But you cut him off with an unbothered, “Tomura. Don’t worry, it’s fine,” before you actually pressed down harder on his growing erection, pulling a sudden and completely involuntary gasp from the boy underneath you at the pleasure and the surprise.

“Fuck…” His breath shuddered in his chest as he took in the sensation of you rolling your hips to grind against him, your panties getting wetter with every repetition of the motion, rubbing yourself in just the right spot and causing a melodic moan to sound out from your throat.

His grip on your hips tightened, eventually hard enough to make you wince, but you didn’t mind. You liked a little bit of pain if you trusted the person enough. And you trusted Tomura. You trusted him more than any of the other boys you’d let fuck you before. Because to them, you’d just been a body, just some place tight and pretty for them to stick it and get off with oftentimes zero regard for your own pleasure.

And those other guys, they’d talked about how many girls they’d had and how often they had them only to finish within five minutes or less once they were inside you.

So, for a virgin, Tomura wasn’t doing half bad.

In fact, he was already doing better than the other fuck boys that composed your body count. And you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself a little bit at the thought of all your exes seeing you walking around campus hand in hand with Tomura Shigaraki and looking happier and more satisfied than you’d ever looked with them. Because it would eat them alive, the thought that, for all the time and effort they claimed they put into their basic appearances or how much they could bench press at the gym, that none of that had ever mattered.

Not to you, at least.

“T-Tomura…” you whined as you pressed against him particularly hard, your own tightly coiled arousal twisting further inside of your core. And your mewling nearly had Tomura’s vermillion eyes rolling back in his head, such beautiful sounds coming from a gorgeous girl that he still couldn’t believe was on top of him right now.

“What…?” he exhaled, trying to focus on you a little more as his vision shifted in and out of a blurry haze of pleasure.

And when you whimpered out the most helpless, pathetic little, “Touch me…”

Well, Tomura almost lost his goddamn mind.

The more his hands explored your body, the more he was getting comfortable with the feeling of your skin against his. In fact, he actually really enjoyed touching you. It was more so you touching him that still put him a little on edge, though he was going to work hard to try and keep himself together when that time came.

His short nails grazed up under your skirt as he continued to kiss you, going a little deeper each time and feeling relief when you returned his level of passion. By the time his hands found their way up under your shirt though, he gave pause. However, instead of asking if you were ok again, he just looked at you and waited for you to nod, which you did, and then he gently pushed under your bra to cup your breasts in his palms, this skin even softer and more tender than where he’d touched you before.

“Here…” you muttered as you began to pull your sweater over your head, Tomura attempting to assist you where he could until your bare torso was exposed to him.

He couldn’t help but stare at the delicate lace of your bra, the way your chest rose and fell with each breath you took. When you said his name again he was pulled from his trance and picked up where he’d left off. You went to reach behind you to undo your bra but when you unsuccessfully fumbled with the clasps for a second, Tomura actually took initiative and unhooked it in one try to both of your surprises.

You both stared at each other for another long beat and then you shrugged your bra off entirely, discarding it to the floor and placing a hand on his shoulder to steady yourself as he began to knead your supple flesh in his hands, noticing how you reacted with another whine when he pinched your already perked nipples.

And he was pretty good at taking your auditory and bodily cues when it came to discovering places that you liked to be touched, your neck and ribs being two of your favorites so far that he’d been able to find.

Eventually, Tomura had ended up on top of you, finding himself once again not entirely sure where to go from here now that you were laying underneath him and looking up at him with those big doe-eyes of yours.

“D-do you want me to stop?” he asked you, praying that you wouldn’t nod your cute little head this time.

“Why would I want you to stop?” you responded, partially dumbfounded.

But that was all Tomura needed to continue, leaning down to kiss you again as one of his hands slipped under your skirt and brushed against the damp lace of your panties. You twitched at the gentle, ghosting touch but were desperate for him to keep going.

He was desperate too, though was trying to keep his need for you under control lest he become too over eager and scare you away.

But still, he couldn’t help but have a little laugh to himself inside the private confines of his mind.

Because Touya could go fuck himself.

Tomura would have sex with you on the couch out of spite for the comments his roommate had made earlier.

And if Touya gave Tomura shit for it once he got back, Tomura would just have to tell him tough luck.

And the fantasized altercation just felt all that much sweeter when Touya would inevitably realize that you’d given yourself to Tomura willingly, not falling for the rehearsed, backhanded pickup lines or sly smirks that the inky haired bastard thought he could use to lure in any girl he set his sapphire sights on.

So Tomura thought he ought to try and pull as many of those pretty little whines and moans from your throat as he could so he’d have more to replay and savor in his memory later or just whenever Touya tried to remind him what a pathetic virgin he was— well, used to be, after all was said and done tonight— and to help keep him company during his loneliest of evenings when you weren’t around to curl up by his side in person.

Tomura slipped his fingers under the side of your panties, slowly gliding them along your soaked slit and reveling in the way your back arched when his ministrations fell upon your most sensitive spot.

He started massaging slow circles onto your clit until you breathed out, “Faster,” and he instantly obliged.

In return for him being such a good listener, you rewarded him with those cute little sounds he liked so much, the frequency of your breathy moans and whimpers picking up along with the speed of his fingers.

When he finally dipped his digits inside of your tight, fluttering hole, he felt himself getting painfully hard, his cock aching as he got his first taste of what your walls would feel like when they clenched around him.

He let out a stifled groan and then a short, strangled yelp when you reached down to palm his erection that was pushing out from his jeans, waiting for a moment to make sure he was alright to proceed before your little fingers fumbled with the button and zipper.

“L-let me help you…” you offered, now reaching under the waistband of his boxers and wrapping a fist gently around his twitching cock, causing his entire body to tense and shudder as you slowly stroked him, motions getting faster and more intense until—

“S-stop! Stop…” Tomura gripped your wrist and stilled you, eyes wide and wild as he tried to catch his breath.

“I-I’m sorry…” you meekly apologized, feeling tears threaten to well as you were afraid he’d reject you now. “I-I didn’t mean—”

Tomura dropped his head to rest in the crook of your neck, feeling his breath on your skin, the trembling of his body on top of yours.

“It’s not… I don’t…” he mumbled, trying to calm himself down.

Because what he really wanted wasn’t for you to stop.

What he really wanted was to be inside you when he came.

What he really wanted was to go all the way. Or at least, as deep as he could without hurting you.

“What is it…?” you whispered as your fingers gently tangled in the fluffy, silvery tufts at the back of his neck again, trying to keep him close to you and assure him that everything was still ok.

After another second of attempting to regain his composure, Tomura lifted his head and met your worried gaze, silently pleading with you to continue to be patient with him, promising to get this right if you just gave him a little extra time with those bright crimson eyes.

“Can I take this off of you?” he asked, lightly tugging at your skirt. You nodded and then helped him slip it down from your hips, kicking it off to join your other clothes on the floor and left in nothing but your lace panties now.

And, god, Tomura had never seen anyone more beautiful in his entire life.

Even among the perfectly crafted and expertly coded virtual women displayed throughout the copious amount of video games he’d played during his lifetime, none of them could compare to you.

Because he could actually touch you.

And you could touch him back.

And Tomura was starting to crave the sensation he’d once feared so much, so long as it involved you in some capacity.

“What about you?” you inquired, lightly gripping at his pullover hoodie. “Are you gonna…?”

And for as much as Tomura had been excited to see what your body really looked like underneath all those cute outfits you always put together, you were equally as curious to see what lay behind the shield of his black long sleeves and jeans.

You wondered if his pale skin would be marked with more of those scratches he usually showed up with during a particularly stressful exam week, or maybe slashed with scars similar to the ones that peeked out from his collar and shirt sleeves.

You didn’t care what imperfections his body had sustained. You just wanted to see them, to know them, and to remind him that sometimes the most beautiful things in life are those that aren’t perfect.

So after a moment of hesitation and mental debating on whether he should show you the parts of him that even he didn’t like to see, Tomura pulled his hoodie over his head and tossed it over the back of the couch, revealing himself to you through the dimness of the living room where the movie screen cast an array of pale light over his skin as the scenes changed, the film nearing its end.

And, similar to what you’d predicted, Tomura did have countless scratches and scars and even a few freckles marking his otherwise flawless body.

But you liked him like that.

Because, unlike any of the previous guys you’d slept with or dated, Tomura was who he was. He wasn’t trying to be anyone else. And you’d been waiting a lifetime to come across someone like him the same as he’d been waiting to come across someone like you.

A chill ran through the both of you and you let out a small chuckle, suddenly unable to take things too seriously but loving that you could laugh about it in front of him. And when he asked you what was funny, a crooked grin quirking up on one corner of his chapped lips with the question, you simply replied, “Nothing. You’re just cute,” which made his face blush so red that his skin nearly matched his eyes.

“S-stop it…” he grumbled as he averted his gaze from you. “That’s not true.”

You clasped your fingers around the back of his neck and gently pulled him down a little closer, forcing his eyes to snap back to meet yours as he continued to blush and said, “It is true. Not my fault if you don’t believe it.”

Now both of you were giggling a little bit, even if Tomura’s laughter was more from nerves than actual amusement.

After you kissed him again and you both tried to find where you’d left off before his hoodie had found a new home on the floor, Tomura began to shift his position over you so that his head could lower between your thighs, both of you working together to remove the thin piece of lace that was left covering you until you were wearing nothing at all.

And if his fingers had been too skilled for a virgin, then his tongue was damn near masterful.

Maybe all those lonely nights spent slumped over in the dark watching porn on his phone had finally amounted to something, had finally paid off, because as he lapped along your glistening arousal and teased at your clit and hole with the tip of his long, slippery tongue, you had the strongest reaction to his touch that you’d experienced yet.

“T-Tomura!” you yelped when the teasing became too much. He stopped then and looked up at you with concern from where his head was still slightly lowered, tongue swiping along his lips to collect the lingering taste of you.

You reached out for him, beckoning him closer, to reassume his place overtop of you and he took the cue.

But now what?

Did you really want him to…?

“Take these off too…” you instructed, tugging on his already unzipped jeans. He quickly mumbled out a, “Oh right, yeah, ok,” as he hopped up off of you to shed his remaining clothes.

And you saw that, like his chest, his legs were also adorned with an array of scars, though not as many as his upper half. You wanted to ask him what happened, how he’d come to be like this, but that was a conversation that would have to wait. Because you were starting to feel bad when you once again noticed how hard he was.

Tomura had been focused on pleasuring you for several reasons— some being his want to impress you and also because he found it easier to touch you than to let himself be touched— but now you wanted to return the favor a little bit. At least, as much as he would let you.

You offered to perform the same treatment on him that he’d just done on you, but he actually politely denied it, knowing there was no way he would last much longer, especially if he even so much as envisioned your cute lips all puffy and swollen as they wrapped around his twitching cock.

So he just reassumed his position overtop of you and asked you one more time if you were ok, if you really wanted to do this, with him, and you pulled him down for another kiss, this one a little rougher than he was expecting, telling him once it broke that you appreciated his concern but you wanted him inside of you already, a sly little smirk playing on your lips as you knew such a confession would make him blush.

So, despite Tomura’s reddening face and shaky hands, he trusted your lead and began to stretch you, scissoring his fingers inside of you like you’d instructed him until you told him you were ready. He lined his aching cock up with your pretty little hole and almost came on the spot the moment the tip was inside, feeling your walls pulsing and clenching so relentlessly around him that for a moment he was afraid he’d lost control.

But he was able to hold on, his body nearly convulsing as every muscle of his being tensed and his breathing hitched.

Because, god, you felt even better than he ever could’ve imagined.

Once he was fully inserted, he waited a second for you to adjust, and then began thrusting, slowly at first, but soon enough he couldn’t help himself. He had you moaning and whining out his name every time he pounded into you, hips snapping against your inner thighs as he sunk even deeper.

It was total ecstasy, this feeling that he’d denied himself for so long. 

But it would’ve never been the same without you.

Never the same…

“S-slow down, Tomura…!” you pleaded through a whimper.

But he knew you were right, as much as he wanted to continue with the vicious pace.

Because if he didn’t slow down a little bit then it would be over soon.

And he wanted to draw this out as long as he could withstand, just in case maybe this would be the first and last time you’d want to do this with him.

But you were getting close, once he found a pace that was good for the both of you, and Tomura couldn’t take his gaze off you once your eyes finally rolled back and your neck craned, spine arching as your body trembled and you gushed all over his cock, walls constricting tighter than ever and causing him to sputter out a shaky, “Fuck…” as he filled you to the brim with his hot, sticky cum.

And then you both huddled together in a harmony of heavy breathing and shivering limbs, feeling the warmth emanating off each other’s skin. You reached around the back of his head to lightly tangle your little fingers into his soft, fluffy hair once again and he kissed the side of your neck, causing a cute little hum of satisfaction to vibrate in your throat when he sucked a gentle love bite into your flesh.

“Not bad…” you giggled after the haze of lust had cleared a little from your mind, Tomura continuing to take in your embrace, the scent of your skin and hair as he nuzzled his face closer into the crook of your neck. “You sure this was the first time you’ve done this?”

Tomura couldn’t help but scoff, his cheeks turning slightly pink again as a crooked smirk curved up on his lips.

“Shut up…” he chuckled, lifting his head to look you in the eyes, now gently weaving his careful hands into your hair like you’d done to him so many times.

After the two of you caught your breath, you jumped into the shower together, Tomura unable to keep his hands off you now that he knew he didn’t have anything to be afraid of, kissing a constellation of lilac and navy across your neck as he nipped at your skin, his hands trailing over every part of your body until he was sure he’d memorized every inch, every curve.

And he was addicted to you now, hooked on this feeling, this sense of safety and love that he’d never felt with anyone else before. He didn’t want to let you go. Didn’t want anyone else to be able to put their hands on you like this. And you, well, you definitely wanted this time to be the first of many. You figured, with a little guidance, he’d only get better over time, if he’d been that good on his first try.

That night, after you’d both gotten clean and changed into more comfortable clothes, you borrowing one of Tomura’s hoodies to sleep in, you curled up under the thin covers of the narrow dorm bed and cuddled together through the night, Tomura’s hands inevitably snaking up under the hoodie to softly stroke down your back or lay at rest over the dip of your waist.

And the entire time that he was trying to fall asleep, the only regret about tonight Tomura could find was that he’d waited this long. Waited this long to tell you how he’d really felt about you for all these years, waited to find enough courage to touch you and allow you to touch him in return, waited to kiss you, to taste you, to sink deep into you while you whimpered out his name like it was the only word you knew.

Because all of the pieces had finally arranged into precise placement for the tetris game that the two of you had been playing, the end screen nothing short of perfection as you fell asleep in each other’s arms.

***

(Hello! Hope you enjoyed if you made it all the way to the end lol

I usually tend to write long but damn I really overindulged myself with this one haha

Honestly I’ve been wanting to write a Tomura fic for a really long time and had come up with a list of ideas but this just so happened to be the first one I decided to tackle. So in other words, expect more to come in the future.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks again for reading! I feel like there’s probably other things I could do with this particular college AU Tomura so maybe more related one-shots will pop up over time.

Ok, bye for now~)

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