#that i wasnt going to just eat them??? like how????

[wonryllis]

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒 & 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖𝐒 & 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐒

𝖼𝖺𝗇'𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝗂𝖼𝖾 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝖿𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗆𝗒 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝖻𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎? 𝖼𝖺𝗇'𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝗂𝖼𝖾 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗆𝗒 𝖾𝗒𝖾𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗄 𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎? 𝖼𝖺𝗇'𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝗂𝖼𝖾 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗂 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎?

ׅ ꢾ꣒ find the MASTERLIST here.

PREVIEW. you always get what you want, spoiled with the love of everyone around you. and it's all innocent love, at least that's what everyone thinks. it comes with much surprise therefore, when heeseung makes a move on you. thirteen long years of being in the brother zone having made him utterly clueless that if he’s going to date you he has to pass through your actual brothers first. and he knows how scary they can be. especially since they are known to have a sister complex and he’s been the third scary one with them, numerous times before.

𝐈 check out the PROFILES.

PLS READ THE CONTENT BELOW ALL THE CHARACTER INFO IS LISTED IN JUST THIS ONE POST !

𝐈𝐈 tune in to the CHARACTER INTERVIEWS ( given by the characters themselves ! )

CHOI YN 20 ( fashion ), well what do i say? hello everyone i'm choi yn! im sure everyone knows me already ^^ .. what else do i say? hmm i love my life a lot! i love my brothers and heeseung and wonie so much, they are the closest people in my life! oh shit sorry riki too hehe oops. college has been fun since im doing exactly what i wanted and it's fun to hangout with won all the time. seungie brings me snacks all the time and binnie lets me eat cakes everyday even though junnie has scolded them not to cause i easily get dental problems and then he has to convince be to go to the dentist, eww.

LEE HEESEUNG 23 ( film ), if you ever stop hearing from me, please know that my day has come and i have chosen to be exposed. as much as jun and soobs love me, and as much as they love tiny(my yn, she's just real cute) if i ever dare speak of that kind of love with tiny in the same sentence it's my last moment on earth. jay and taehyun help a lot and i'd give everything to thank them for it but man they still haven't been able to actually help me get with yn?

CHOI SOOBIN 24 ( law school ), yes my sister is my everything, each one of her wishes no matter how stupid and idiotic they are, must be fulfilled. i think i was like ten when ynie said being a lawyer would be so cool, and it's been my life's motto now. law school kicks my ass yeah but whenever i think of how happy she'd be to see me as a badass lawyer it feels like nothing. i could easily help her win the divorce that's a plus point, i think i should start looking into divorce attorney things.

CHOI YEONJUN 25 ( model ), i swear scaring away my baby sister's admirers is one of my full time jobs besides runaway modelling but alas she is my sister of course she's a beauty. i know she will date and marry a motherfucking guy one day, and i won't be able to stop it but i hope that day takes the longest time to come. she was one of the first ones to say how good my dressing style was, if it wasnt for her i would not be one of the rising faces in the fashion scene today.

PARK JAY 22 ( music production ), being lee heeseung's childhood friend has been my life's greatest downfall. and being his emergency contact number one is probably the biggest mistake of my life. it's so so so infuriating to see him do nothing and panic over the fact that some might sweep her off her feet right before his eyes like fucker you gotta sweep her off her feet rather than worrying over how someone else might sweep her off her feet. taehyun probably understands me.

SIM JAKE 22 ( physics ), it's fun, so so fun i can not express it verbally man, 'm having a blast! there's so many new things to learn i am so happy with my major and my astronomy club thing is going so well too, it's been amazing so far. the only thing i dont like is my mates ignoring me, like i tell them about all these quantum mechanics things and how it's works like it's legit the coolest thing ever and they don't wanna listen me and then come to me for help with assignments like dude? there's no give and take here and it's not high school anymore? but i do it cause im nice :)

PARK SUNGHOON 22 ( communications ), first of all i gotta thank my man taehyun for letting me copy off of him to pass my semesters so far. as a full time commercial and photoshoot model, college is just a side quest for me at this point, just need an arm candy degree to show that i am infact educated contrary to what people think. oh and i'd like to tell this, don't tell anyone, i actually know all the drama going on and it's so funny but i gotta stay low if i wanna be safe. sometimes i do think of stirring things up but yeonjun man he scares me, i better be on his good side.

KIM SUNOO 21 ( journalism ), for real god am i the only one working my ass off here cause why the hell all these dicks be fucking up their lives and copying off people to survive like? look at me, every little gossip on campus and you know who to go to get the full info! exactly how it should be for a journalism major. i swear i am doing all the shit ass work here. i admit i slip sometimes especially with heeseung's secret in front of god forbidden yn but 'm just a human, and humans make mistakes yk? and please tell kai to fuck off please, thank you.

YANG JUNGWON 20 ( fashion ), it's a different feeling when three guys trust you with their precious sister. and it's a different feeling when that precious real spoiled girl treats you like the best buddy she could ever have. but it's not so fortunate when you gotta dash to protect anytime the brothers ping you, it's like a national secret agency part time job and it's the hardest thing when the target is someone like yn. i treasure her a lot, as a friend! yes, yet the times when her brothers get jealous of me are some of the most nerve wrecking times.

NISHIMURA RIKI 20 ( photography ), are we surprised here? no wtf have y'all not seen the pics i post on my twt like i got talent you have to accept it. especially a lot of talent in gaming and luck, my luck be through the roofff. just started lol a year ago and my YouTube Chanel six months ago and im already almost a diamond and about to hit a million subscribers.. talk about god's favorite! ha that's me. but the thing is more than that i wanna be yn's favorite like i know she says won and i are same but i know that kitty is closer. for now i like being glued to yn, but after figuring out things so easily it's hard to keep quiet.

CHOI BEOMGYU 23 ( film ), with the amount of hate train behind me it's a miracle i am still breathing and in one piece. praying all this ends quickly and my life is returned back to me or i'll go crazy it has been like what two? three? years already! i need my freedom. i can count and name with my fingers the people who hate me. actually no it's everyone. anyways, i share all classes with heeseung and lord is it the scariest part of my life. at least yeonjun and soobin would need time to hunt me down but lee heeseung? he's right behind me two rows, staring down my every movement. look it's not my fault okay?

KANG TAEHYUN 22 ( communications ), it wasn't consensual. it is very important to clear this up. i did not give my papers to park sunghoon by choice. he had to pay me hefty for that so there's no thank you man, dude is pretending. and i am fucking sick of covering for heeseung all the time like dude grow balls, real balls dig up some manly guts and fucking do it before i lose patience and fuck shit up. every moment of listening to him lamenting over his feelings is the most frustrating shit ever. make him hear this one for god's fucking sake.

HUENING KAI 22 ( journalism ), no matter how much everyone denies it, i know they won't survive a day without me like? i provide sunoo with all the gossip of our side? how else do you think heeseung sneaks around yeonbin with his feelings? god it's me i do the passing the parcel of info. i mean taehyun is also involved with them but then i am more useful than that reality check of a guy, i mean who needs reality when you can live in a fantasy! hehe i just outdid everyone with that! or not anyway moving on yn's cr— SUNOO: shut the fuck up bitch!

𝐈𝐈𝐈 learn about THE GROUPCHATS.

01. HEEYN TRUTHERS heeseung, jay, jake, sunghoon, taehyun and sunoo: the group that has been supporting heeseung in pursuing his feelings since he first revealed it to them. for whenever he fucks up and they have to discuss how to save his ass. normal chats happen too.

02. BOSS BABIES yn, jungwon, riki: the trio that has been friends since middle school, and sticks together. yn spends most of her time with them, that is in college. often goes out to hangout and these two are yn's only actual friends!

03. SHOOTERZ 4 YN yeonjun, soobin, heeseung and jungwon: they use this chat to text each other whenever someone upsets yn or she's going somewhere alone and they need jungwon to secretly tag along to give them updates later.

04. PRINCESS & HER KNIGHTS yn, yeonjun, soobin and heeseung: the main stars— spoiled baby and her overprotective boys. usually text her when it has to do something with the four of them, like when yn goes out or she needs someone to pick her up or accompany her or when they have dinner at each other's place and someone's missing and likewise.

05. PSYCHOS W/ SICKOS yeonjun, soobin, beomgyu, taehyun, huening kai and heeseung: well this is heeseung's other friend group with the yn brothers' friends that become his own after a while. this is yeonbin dominated friend group chat and beomgyu is main character lmao

START THE STORY — prologue 𓈒 ‎𓈒 ‎𓈒

TAGLIST . ( OPEN ) @s00buwu @lilyuwon @pockyyasii @nctislifue @shawnyle @enhastolemyheart @aaa-sia @snoopypupp @criminalyun @oddracha @satan-223 @diorsyun @hooniehon @fakeuwus @caramelcandescence @intromortal @kookify @yutasberryy @sumzysworld @nikiswifiee @shuichi-sama @primroselover @rayofsunshineeee @aishigrey @yjwluvs @soraokkotsu @nyfwyeonjun @srhnyx @trashx678 @wondipity @winuvs @hoondiors @niniissus @firstclassjaylee @biancaness send an ask to be added! (if your comment goes unnoticed it is not my responsibility)

#enhypen imagines #enhypen smut #HOPE Y'ALL FIND THIS FUNNY ENOUGH ㅠㅠ #enhypen smau #enhypen heeseung smut #heeseung smut #enhypen heeseung imagines #heeseung imagines #enhypen social media au #enhypen socmed au #enhypen social au #heeseung smau #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts

[chekovsphaser]

I will say Americans really Got It with peanut butter and jelly.

#i made some blueberry jam from a bunch of frozen blueberries my mum gave me #that i wasnt going to just eat them??? like how???? #she eats them literally frozen with yogurt on them still. fucking.frozen #so I made jam (low sugar)! #had with peanut butter (peanut paste) #fucking slaps dude

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

I wonder what the kids and teachers in luz's school think of her now. Shes stopped "terrorizing" other kids, mainly because she seems to have stopped engaging with most of her classmates period. She no longer brings live animals or taxidermy to school. She even participates in english class occasionally, even if she doesnt "get" the point of the book. Her rants only clock as suicidal if you know about her time in the boiling isles which the people at her school do not.

I wonder if luz's teachers and schoolmates think that luz mellowed out over the summer. If the principal/counselor that suggested she go to the camp patted himself on the back because shes "improved."

#the owl house #toh #shut up pandora #luz noceda #something something people see a neurodivergent kid having depression and breathe a sigh of relief bc now theyre finally 'normal' #people speculate maybe luz would have been fine going to the summer camp and while i agree she would have made friends #she would not have been fine! she would have just learned to suppress her identity like camila did #but going to the boiling isles was her only option bc she either gets suppressed quickly at the summer camp #or she keeps acting out at school and eventually society wears her down and shames her into conforming like it did to her mom #something about how even if the camp helps luz act like a 'normal person' she still would have been miserable bc she couldnt be herself #it temporarily benefits her by giving her friends and benefits ppl around her by making her act 'normal' #but the kids there are still weird at heart! they have a community to be weird around now but society at large will still look down on them #unless they put on a front all the time to fit in #and the boiling isles isnt perfect either its society still looks down on luz for being different #but it accepts her neurodivergence and her new friends are all neurodivergent like her so she still has a community to be herself around #and while it looks down on her for having no natural magic it isnt something shes been shamed about growing up like her neurodivergence was #anyway the camp wasnt as catastrophic as luz thought it would be and vee benefitted from it #but it still represented a slow rot. the kind that eats away at neurodivergent kids as they grow up #slowly shaming them to hide away parts of themselves deemed unfit for society #and when you hide behind a front and are exhausted and miserable from it #everyone applauds you for your 'recovery.' youve improved yourself. they never liked the old you #good job on destroying yourself and shoving the pieces into a facsimile of what the people around you think you ought to be

[steakout-05]

new sketchbook who this

what it says in the tin, got a new sketchbook today :) it's thicker and rougher paper than what i usually use which is slightly annoying because it tends to smudge a lot more and has a rougher look, but it's still good paper and i find it nice to draw on!!

every so often i fall back into my DDLC phase and start rewatching a bunch of analysis videos on the characters. they're like my comfort background noise to listen to. Monika's one of my favourite characters and i find her fun to draw!!

(ignore the sudden lighting change idk why that happened)

Splatoon was, like, a childhood hyperfixation of mine, mainly because the character designs and the music go hard. like, they literally please the autism so much, it's like a stim just looking at the characters and listening to the soundtrack!!! the design of the Inkling girl was always my favourite as a kid because look at her! she's so cool looking!! i love all the colours and i love the texture of the characters' hair and their ears literally make me so happy and they are SO fun to draw. i would chew on an octoling's hair like a dog toy if i could it looks so chewable

#sketch #ddlc #ddlc monika #splatoon #inkling girl #my favourite splatoon characters are usually the ones that please the autism the most #marie marina and frye are my favourites out of the idols just because their designs go so hard #i also really love dedf1sh's design they're so cool #the hair in splatoon looks so chewy though. like. surely i am not the only person who- #-thinks the splatoon hair looks yummy. i wanna chew on it #if inklings and octolings were real i would just eat their hair #they would all go bald because i eated all the hair #anyway enough about eating hair #monika is so pretty. like. she is actually so beautiful and i love drawing her #how dare team salvato make such lovely character designs that i start questioning my sexuality for a moment /j #no but like the ddlc characters are so pretty drawing them is so fun #i like drawing them in a semi-realistic more detailed anime style because it just makes them look cosy #especially sayori #i love drawing sayori with more modest rounded hair it makes her look so cosy and friendly :) #these tags are so weird #i mean it is currently 12 am at the time of writing this because i wasnt paying attention to the clock- #-and i'm just writing a stream of consciousness right now but also why am i going on about- #-eating splatoon hair for like 5 tags wtf #im gonga go to bed goodnight :)

[quietwingsinthesky]

what if. Amy “fix-it” because hallucifer makes sam so paranoid about dean leaving for no reason that sam gives in and follows him and is witness to the whole thing

#hallucifer: wow. big brother really trusts us. (beat) so something’s up right? we know it’s never this easy. #sam: (visibly restraining himself from saying shut up. about to grab his scar.) #hallucifer: (aware he’s about to be banished) don’t listen to me if you want but. I’m just trying to help. #don’t blame me if you look in the papers tomorrow and find a obit for your brain-eating girlfriend. and… what was her kid’s name again? #sam: (touching the scar. not pressing down. face all screwed up.) || hallucifer: :3 it’s not like it’ll hurt anyone #if he really does trust you he doesn’t even have to know we’re following him. *and* you’ll know your brother still trusts you. #even when I’m here. maybe he won’t even punch you again. that still hurting? #sam: (grimace. because yeah. it does.) || hallucifer: door number two - he thinks you’ve lost it and he’s going to stab that woman to death. #so what’s it gonna be Sam? ready to gamble your friend’s life on if Dean gives a shit about your opinion? #[and that’s the point where sam goes to follow dean. still doesn’t talk to Lucifer. not there yet. but oh hallucifer is sooo pleased with #himself about this. because he’s Sam. and he picks up on what Sam doesn’t. and he could see all of Dean’s little giveaways that Sam was #turning a blind eye to. and now here’s the perfect opportunity to put a wedge between them and get sam to trust him more <3) #GOD. FUCK. IM UPSET NOW. WHY WASNT HALLUCIFER IN THAT EPISODE. MOST OF THE EPISODES? #such a good fucking concept. squandered. #anyway. idk if sam saves Amy but he DEFINITELY here’s Dean’s little speech to her about how she can’t change. #hallucifer with faux sympathy like (sigh) damn. well. i always told you what he was like. Michael. Michael-sword. no difference. #both of them want us dead the moment we step out of line. #and Sam just frozen there in horror with Lucifer’s voice sinking in. and he believes him. how can he not. with dean proving him right #hallucifer #spn #sam winchester #amy pond

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one? #the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

[caffeinatedopossum]

Ed recovery with autism and adhd is so weird.

Like I'll either forget to eat lunch entirely or I'll forget when I ate last and end up eating lunch 3 seperate times instead.

Then sometimes I have to literally ask my girlfriend if I'm hungry because I don't fucking know what my body is feeling ever and she's usually like "Yeah you should eat".

Then when I go to prepare food it's like:

Me: okay body so how much food do you want

Body: hm...m... food...?

Me: yes food. But HOW MUCH

Body: uhh... s e v e r a l

Me: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

And then I end up making too much for me to eat (thank God I'm allowed to not eat all of my food now- I hated that rule so much growing up) but its still so goddamn confusing skgjfjfhff

#wrong #anyway im incredibly thankful for my girlfriend who is so so patient and supportive #the amount of help and support i never realized i need is actually insane #like i genuinely cant function without help because of my autism (and adhd to a lesser degree) #idk its just really nice to not only have help but not feel like i should be ashamed of needing it either #oof i forgot the other thing that happens when i make food is that i prepare it and then by the time its done cooking #i dont even want it anymore -_- like wtf? i literally was JUST hungry #or i wont feel hungry but then as soon as i go to bed and cant make food because everyones asleep #and the lights are all off and im all cozy and sleepy #THEN im starving. my body has the worst timing ever sometimes istg #still not as bad as before recovery though #ive just elected to be a lot more patient with myself #i used to compare my recovery to other peoples never understanding what i was doing #but the truth of the matter was those people i was comparing myself to #had only had eds for like 2-5 years. which is still bad of course but its not applicable to my scenario #they were also neurotypical and cisgender which i also couldnt relate to #the thing is i never learned how to eat properly. before my ed i still wasnt eating enough #because my parents were neglecting me #i only know hunger and i never learned how to eat properly or what being nourished feels like #that means i have to not only relearn things but learn them entirely for the first time #i have to learn what hunger feels like and what being full feels like and when it is and isnt ok to skip a snack #its just really hard learning these things for the first time ar 20 years old #and once i acknowledged that- that it was really hard for me- i think i felt a lot of relief #like im struggling but it makes sense that i am and i wont always feel like thia #one day i will heal. i just needed a little help

[ichigosoju]

🦋

#i know i shouldnt even look #like i really should just stop obsessively checking his blogs #out of sound out of mind #and i have already muted his notifs on the messaging app #but that makes it hard to open it which i do bc im talking to two other ppl on there #i shouldnt check his blog... but i have like fomo lok #lol* #i dont wanna miss out on any potential knowledge #even if i know ... i should learn how to be fine with not knowing #since he doesnt wanna be the loml skkskskskak #i shouldnt be investing this much energy into someone who doesnt even want me in his life #so why do i keep doing that..... #it's just hard to stop checking #bc since he isnt talking to me his blogs are the only content and crumbs i get from him #if i stop checking his blogs it's like he wont be in my life at all and how do i cope with that #i know it's what's good for me but i just cant do it :(( #also i just miss when we were mutuals #and when he liked my posts and reblogged from me and replied to my posts.... #whenever i post pics i get so sad bc he never likes them (he doesnt even see them lmao) #he likes other ppl's pics and he reblogs them too #but never for me..... #idk guess that just kinda hurts lmao #the thing is #he SAID he cared abt me. that i was one of the very few ppl he liked this way #he SAID all of those things and it's not smth i just assumed or made up #so now it's hard for me to let it go bc it wasnt 100% one sided as it usually is #idk what to do this is eating me up fr

[mondaymelon]

………i have no idea whats happening w u and @/anonbinaryweirdo and atp im too afraid to ask 😰

....you see theres this silly little fic they wrote about a silly little reader and a silly little childe in which reader C O N S U M E S childe. like they take the man and shove them into their mouth nom nom and then swallow em and hes just. residing. in their stomach.

i am so sorry

but it had to be said. the reason of my rage should be known to the world. of course im not so foolish and stupid to put the link here. that would only rupture the eyes of the innocent

however if you truly do wish to read... that... itll be found where it should be seeked.

#★ ˎˊ˗ melonrambles! #★ ˎˊ˗ inbox. #oli was certainly not in a peak mental state after writing that #i dont know how anyone could put those words on a paper call it a day and then get a good nights rest afterwards #NO. #those words would HAUNT YOU #haunt your rest and lock up your soul so that all you can think about is what horrible of a sin you have commited. #BUT I MEAN WHO AM I TO SAY #i wasnt the one who wrote that horror!! #as silly inducing it was that does not make up for the trauma it inflicted #oli's moots are all just washing their eyes with bleach. #unless. #theyre freaky like that. #imean... you go? #good for you. me personally. i just. dont llike. consuming people. like eating them. so they travel through my body #down through my esophagus and ... caress my heart on the way down #wai wai how the fuck does that even work?? he goes down and then like grazes your heart. what. but hes travelling #down to your stomach. so how would he be able to... #“it felt... so... so right.” #IM SORRY BUT THATS THE LINE THAT STARTED THE TEARS #THAT WAS THE MOMENT I REALIZED THAT I WAS BROKEN #FOREVER BROKEN BECAUSE OF THIS FIC FR GUYS #I BITE MY TONGUE ITS A BAD HABBIITTT 🥀🥀

[sludgeguzzler]

man. i changed so much these past years

#im different from last years me who was different from 2021 me who was different from 2020 me and so on and so forth #it feels kinda weird thinking about it bc i went through *so much stuff* #all of it in just the past 4 years... insane #i found out i was trans. i went on lockdown. i started posting my art online. i made online friends. #i went through three different relationships. every single one of them changed me forever. #i started writing. i finished middle school. i read homestuck. i used discord everyday for 2 years. #i found my personal sense of style. i started going tk school again. i made friends irl. i lost all the online friends i had. #(thay wasnt bc of any scandal i just left the friendgroup and then started to slowly interact more with ppl irl #whi sorta made my online interactions dwindle especially one-on-one interactions #i think i feel better like this go be honest with you. the connections feel stronger and i feel closer to the friends ive made #not saying i dont like the people i know and befriended here just saying that not being chronically online anymore really changed how i #go through with internet interactions) #damn. really feeling the passage of time now. #also this is not a sad reminiscent post im *really* glad im in the place i am in life right now #i have a qpp i have an irl friendgrouo that i feel 100% comfortable with for the first time in my life im doing ok at school #i have a vision for my future my relationship with my parents is sooo much better #idk man. compare that with 14 year old me eating alone at school bc i was too scared to talk with the other people on my class and like. #yeah man. im doing a lot better #i DO have to update my art blog though. its been too long sincd i posted anything #talk

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit #i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it #very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically #some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like #AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE #and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to #and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded #it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me #i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me #and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him #away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt #feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like #aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family #hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs #his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage #and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them #HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM #and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is #but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK #and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way #or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he #doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’ #yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them

[bmpmp3]

after six years of the game being out and after three and a half years of me actually playing the game i have finally beat botw. did u know finishing video games is. fun,,

#hey its not as bad as norn9 where im only a third in after six years. and rhythm thief took me a genuine decade #im very good at taking my time #MY IMPRESSIONS its a good game :) i think i had a little over 100 hours by the end. one thing about the final boss fight though - #it made me kinda miss like true classic zelda scripted boss fights LOL but lots of fun! #some of the dlc stuff i couldnt do like the champions ballad and the sword thing RIP had to look up the cutscenes later~ #theyre tough! but also my playstyle has always been a bit of. just run and go for it #planning and stealth is not my strong suit. by the end i was running directly up to guardians and just killing them before they killed me #i can eat kebabs faster than they can shoot lasers. i am unstoppable #the soundtrack was nice! subdued obvs since its open world #but the standout tracks are really standout. of course i love rito village night ver being dragon roost island #and the hyrule castle theme turning into zeldas lullaby in the internal parts hit me #and of course the main theme is iconic. i like the version with the hard break in the middle the most i love that cut so much #i know people edited it out and in the live version its not as harsh because its live #but i LOVE IT i love it so much. mix of synthetic breaks with a fantastical and traditional sounding theme. awesome #that whole 3 and a half years before i got a copy of the game (i wanted to beat skyward sword first) i didnt look up like anything #didnt pay attention to anything people were saying. heard something about it being open world. heard some speedruns were like an hour #and i heard the theme. and i listened to that theme on repeat for all those years. so so good #now i will probably do that for totk- not knowing anything about it for three years until i finally play it LOL thats how it is so far #people have told me about it. but truthfully i wasnt really listening. sowwy. i was focused on botw orz #but i wanna play something different now. take a break. also wait until i can find someone selling totk used for under 70 cad KJDLJFKDSJDKS #i am NOT paying nearly a hundo for a videoed game nintendo you cant make me #maybe now i should finish all the other games in my backlog. or i could start 5 new ones. hmmmmmmmm

[skyllion-uwu]

Am I nauseous because I'm hungry or because I triggered myself last night

#my stomach hurts and i need to eat but the idea of doing that is. ack #and i cant tell my parents why because id have to unpack so much spontaneously #like id have to explain i was on the internet before they let me make an account and that i didnt tell them when i was getting those dms #and how its basically ruined any neutrality i had towards sex because ill be fine and then BAM! #everyone else is 12 year old me and im an adult and im my abuser and im going to hurt them if i keep talking about this #just because it was only words doesnt mean it fucked everything up forever. i know back then i was aroace but didnt have the words #but i sincerely think id be just sex neutral if it wasnt for that fucking asshole and now i think about sex for too long and get sick #and i didnt say anything because i thought they were my friend and i dont know if they were 11 like they said they were or not either way #its just. im getting so much off my chest here i wish i could go back in time and tell myself to block after that first message #and i didnt say anything after i realized because i wasnt allowed to have social media and i didnt want to get in trouble over that part #fantasizing alone is one thing but as soon as someone else is involved theyre me and im that person on da and i hate it. i hate it i hate it #i hate it i hate it #is that a common thing. where you feel like youre the abuser in certain contexts even if youre nothing like them #whatever. i have physical therapy and then ask a prof if i can use him as a reference and then finish my application if he gets back to me #and then i can rot all i want #sky vents like amogus

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#listen. im just gonna rant abt something real dumb for a sec #the framing of missing 411 stories make me so annoyed. and if u dont kno. missing 411 stories are focused on ppl who went missing in #national parks or just out in nature with no real explanation. i dont even kno why i watch these videos they just make me mad #theyre not all bad but like mother fucker do u not kno how easy it is to get lost in thr fucking woods? #theyre like: this person was an experienced hiker. they wouldnt have just done X #like no. fuck off. it only takes one bad move. one bad day. one unexpected run in and boom that's it #its not that crazy???? its not magic or bigfoot. its ppl getting confused or disoriented and panicking #i mean. obvously not in every case but fucking im like 99% sure its not spooky stuff. its just easier than youd like to think to get lost #my little sister got lost in the woods when she was like 6. she took a wrong turn on a hiking path and walked so far my dad almost turned #back bc he thought she would never get that far but there she was. one tiny blip in a big big forest and she was on a path #its so so easy to miss one tiny point out there. this also goes for places out in the desert #like sure its flat. how could a person get lost in an open space? but no fuck u. ive gotten lost walking along a 50m flat transect #i looked up and for about a minute i wasnt where i thought i was. the heat and not drinking or eating enough can really mess with you head #ugh. i dunno. one of my lab mates has done more like serious outdoors stuff. like not going back to civilization for weeks doing field #work out in Colorado. and he says there is something weird about being alone out there. like some places have a call to them. a temptation #compelling you to do things u kno r bad ideas. but i also pressed him and it seems to come from a lack of othet ppl watching you #like a lack of socal constraint enables the temptation to make reckless choices. so like i dunno it sounds more like a human thing #than the supernatural but like what do i kno? anyway. missing 411 stories make me man #mad. god. there was one i watched where the guys were like. hm they seem to happen around weird places like swamps. or around bad weather #events. so maybe these places or events cause disappearances to happen. like fucking no! do u hear what ur saying????? #the disappearences occure around places that are objectively difficult to search under conditions that delay search effort????? is ur brain #broken? the bad conditions make it hard to find ppl so u find less ppl and theyre marked as missing. jesus christ #anyway. its baffling to me. but i keep watching thr videos. probably bc i have nightmares about running into wild animals out in the woods #so im searching for like. god what not to do if i get lost in the woods. when what i shoukd do is watch survival videos rip #unrelated #ugh. also ive done some work in a national park where u would think its super super hard to get lost but our fieldwork got delayed bc ppl #had to go do search and rescue and the person was dead by the time they were found. i dont kno the details but like its a thing that #happens. its not that crazy #not to mention all the dumb fucks who fall of the cliffs every year down where i grew up. every fucking year. it happened to one of our #neighbors. he was at the bottom of this cliff for a whole day and survived. i dunno bad things happen everyday. u r not immune

[todayisafridaynight]

beat yakuza 7 last night *muffled screaming*

#spoilers #there'll be spoiler talk lmao #snap chats #ok compliment sandwich time #FIRST OFF absolutely loved this game im so pissed ill never be able to experience it for the first time again #i had no rights being scared of playing it i actually love the rpg playstyle sm- sure i love beat em up but it just feels so right for this #the cast was so cute and lovable and i adore them immensely. also why does no one mention eri ever she's so darling #and the VOICE ACTING- i had my game in english btw and on that note ichiban's VA really does make this game #he's just so passionate in every line he delivers and you can just feel the emotion in everything he says #prob helps that kaiji tang played odin/owain fire emblem before for the theatrics LMAO but seriously i loved his performance so much #on FE note though i completely forgot robbie daymond was zhao and the whole time i was like 'he reminds me of hubert or like akechi lmao' #my hunch was great LMAO GG ME but yeah the gameplay was so fun #and i just love all the little character-building aspects- like how if yo get utterly sloshed with your party everyone has a little comment #not to mention the mid-meal conversations those were so cute #ok for the parts i didnt like uh. Very Few Things like i said i loved this game and i have few complaints #its just the ending made me want to eat dry wall rgg PLEASE let siblings be happy in this franchise i swear to god #aoki was a prick but rgg i need you to stop peddling this 'anyone can change and start over' thing if youre just going to kill them #like at least with nishiki ryuji and mine there was a build up to their death- ig you can argue aoki holding the gun to his death was that #BUT ITS JUST THE WAY KUME COMES OUT OF PISS-OFF NOWHERE LIKE if he hadnt walked away and if ichi wasnt so concerned over aoki #bruh Full Rights to beat his ass and then some that made me so pissed. like i already had a feeling aoki was fucked but still #PLEASE just let a yakuza antagonist live beyond their game for five minutes thats it #he can literally be cell neighbors with sawashiro for all i care just let him live #omg wait on that note i totally called arakawa being ichi's bio dad like as soon as fucker asked ichi bout his real parents I Knew #i dont think arakawa knew but girl I Did and i howled #one last complain i have- its very small tbh- is where did mirror-face-tendo come from #i thought mirror face blew up with ishioda but alright. i guess for the sake of The Twist they couldnt reveal he was fine #still because of that he just feels so out of nowhere esp to be helping the gang #but i'm not gonna let a few nicks ruin an otherwise lovely game #i love how the og cast didnt outstay their welcome: they were in the game just enough to be justified and i appreciate that #kiryu coming out of nowhere does feel a little Out Of Nowhere esp now that he's gona be in Y8

[magnoliamyrrh]

hearing my professor say "sex workers" in class after and while literally and explicitely talking about nonwestern victims of sex trafficking using those terms like. im gonna eat my own tongue. im gonna scream so loudly and so silently it will burst my lungs. im going to become a black hole.

in general i find that term to be so fucking offensive bc it can only maybe apply to a very very small minority of well off economically privileged women who "choose" to do "sex work" (and even many of them talk abt feeling exploited - almost like prostitution is inherently expolitative wow) but. you know sometimes those "sex workers" are the only ones ppl rly picture, they dont picture street prostitution, hitckhiker hookers, sex trafficking, child sex trafficking, that the averege age of entering prostitution is 14, drug addiction, pimps, constant violence, etc

but. dear lord help me. in the context of literally taking explicitely about victims of "sex" trafficking in relation to poverty. to still have this postmodern god forsaken fucking nightmare so dug into your hear you say SeX WoRkErs;;; I ;;; I. Honestly im so offended. Its so fucking offensive. Like i almost wanna fucking cry. And she aint even white lmao shes indian like maam as a fellow immigrant please stop parroting the western bullshit i beg you. its so god damn fucking offensive and this bullshit is passed off as progressive and right and parroted by professors and taught as a given and preached and taught uncritically and then parroted by students and then. someone posts it online and some idiot reads it tells it to another idiot who tells it to another idiot. And then this insanity affects the whole westenrn "FeMinIsM" movement. And then, not only do I personally have to deal with a bunch of fucking idiots who have the gull to tell ME how the fuck I cant or can speak and how I should fucking feel when they dont got a single damn clue, BUT ALSO. this sort of cultural fucking idiocracy leads to real life impacts. Ala, western european states legalizing prostitution, thus the horrid rise of sex trafficking, child sex trafficking, child pornography, etc, of mainly balkan, roma, refugee, immigrant, poor, etc etc women. Ala, there was this article written by a Romanian prostitute in spain. She was complaining about how because of this sex work narrative now even more men come to prostitutes bc theyve bought this bullshit narrative of the "happy sex worker" so. now, they have to put all this extra fucking emotional effort into pretending like theyre enjoying what these men are doing to them and like they want it and all this shit. Which, let me tell you, its a whole lot easier to just dissociate when you get used to being regularly raped than it is to have to pretend like you fucking want it and enjoy it too. Something along the lines, these men want your soul not just your body, and this much worse...... And how, because of this, they also have to invest more in makeup and shit to look "well" which fuether just sinks them into the whole cycle which is quite hard to get out of. So. So.

As far as Im concerned. All the god forsaken postmodern nonsense that is propagated in western social sciences academica - has real life fucking effects. It has. The things written, the things discussed, the things professors say. Ive said before, that maybe postmodernism has some academic value (though we didnt need french people to be like, yo dude did you know multiple perspectives on life exist? inssne!). But. It doesnt fucking stay in academica. None of this bullshit stays in academica. And apart from this sort of bullshit not even being "feminism" and being inherently detrimental to the unity needed for social movements, inherently complacent, inherently antirevolutionary, inherently fucking REEKING of western individualism and selfishness up the fucking ass,,,,,,,,,it has real life fucking affects.

Westerners whove never fucking been through any of this shit sit in universities coming up with all these fucking theories but who pays the price. Who pays the god damn fucking price? Who? For their thought experiments? For these societal experiemnts? For these bullshit western ideas of freedom and progress and feminism? We do. My people do. We do. God fucking damn it

#Im gonna eat glass #Im not going to stay in academia but if i was. I think theyd kick me out of the anthropology department #before i got my phd #fuck this shit #Someone needs to fucking do something about it. Someone needs to fucking critique it form the inside #which i can actually say i did lmao because i <3 showed up at office hours <3 and uhh #said my peace. #which im sure she wasnt expecting but. im also genuinely glad she listened. i guess #its a big harder to just cancle someone or tell them to shut up #when they tell you frankly tat they were sex trafficked as a child and come from one of the sex trafficking #capitals of the world #like. <3 sorry lol i have more a right to speak then you! lovely! great! #i didnt direct it at her in particular lmao i went a roundabout way of critiquing what i called privileged western bullshit #but im sure she also got that I was biting back against the sex work thing while speaking abt fucking victims of sex trafficking #AND lmaoo i did go on a very short but well put together quip abt postmodernism being inherently individualistic #and detrimental to movements and literally funded by the CIA in class lmao SOmEONE NEEDS TO SAY SOMETHING #just enough to get people looking and curious and wanting answers and QUESTIONING THIS SHIT #i came back to this country after being back home having none of this shit dkdkd #............. how you can even be from india and admit you've seen the horrors of street prostitution and still propagate the sex work shit #in the same breath is beyond me #it really is #and how you can propagate these western narratives of individualistic ChOiCe #while also teaching abt nonwestern concepts which view equality and freedom in nonindivualistic terms #...... maaam...... how is the cognitive dissonance not hitting #...... this was some weeks ago but like. idk thinking back on it its like #again lmao. its so fucking offensive. its........ how fucking deep do you have to be to explicitely speak about sex trafficking victims #stricke by poverty and call them sex workers #..................... #... #like maam. maybe youve been in this country too long. maybe youve been in westenrn academica too long. its time to wake up a bit