#that had all the penises and stuff

[fantasneeze]

x

#hi team #does anyone remember that post about the birthday card john made for elton one year #that had all the penises and stuff #and included a pic of a guy's bare ass #and many arguments were made that it was paul #i cannot find it #the post #does someone have it handy #i need it for reasons #thanks in advance #:D

[oikasugayama]

YOU CATCH HIM M@STURBAT!NG pt. 4

MDNI this is a NSFW series for adults. TW: dubcon in Mori & Tetcho's (if your only comment is "I don't agree with this" or "I don't like him" pls keep it to yourself! It's fanfic it's not real!)

pt 1. Fyodor, Poe, Chuuya | pt. 2 Fukuzawa, Kunikida, Dazai | pt. 3 Ranpo, Akutagwa, Ango | pt. 4 Sigma, Mori, Tetcho | pt. 5 Atsushi, Nikolai (Finale)

Sigma

He's learning what it is to be human after meeting the ADA and realizing he has free will. This includes learning what his own body does...

You've walked in on him touching himself many times. He'll be sitting in his office, tracing his dick through his pants, not knowing it's inappropriate that he didn't stop when you came in.

Another time he'll have his penis out under the desk, absentmindedly playing with it. When you come in he's like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar--all wide eyed and jumpy, "no i'm not doing anything, no you didn't interrupt." (you totally know what he must be doing)

Eventually you come in to find him hard, very obviously nearing an orgasm, his face is all red and he can't believe how good he's feeling. you're so desensitized to it at this point that you give him his afternoon tea anyway, and then ask him if he knows what porn is.

he says no?? what's that?? and you explain, to which he gets very excited so you bring up (on his own computer) a very tame video of someone getting a blowjob

"it's in her mouth??? he seems to really like it. what does that feel like???"

"I wouldn't know, I don't have a penis."

"you don't?"

"no, only men have penises."

that starts a whole other conversation about anatomy, and makes you start another video showing penis in vagina sex. this is when you start to feel weird and uncomfortable--maybe you shouldn't be showing him this. maybe he wasn't supposed to know this stuff and now it'll just cloud his mind so he can't work properly--

"can we try that?"

"HUH?"

"you said you have a vagina, i want to try that. can we?"

meanwhile his dick is still out, in hand, tip leaking pre-cum, and you're nearly throbbing wet but trying to play it cool.

"i mean... it's technically, like... you're only supposed to do this stuff in the privacy of your home with your partner, or someone who agrees to it if you don't have a partner."

"so if you agree we can go to my room, then. correct?"

you can't argue with his flawless logic.

Mori

There are certain rules at the PM that you cannot afford to break. One of them is that you must meet with any executive, especially the president himself, at any time they call for you.

when you wake up from a nap in your office to not one, but two missed calls from Mori himself, you panic, instantly thinking you're going to be fired for ignoring him. You know exactly what he wants and you're not supposed to be late for these meetings.

you rush to his office, sleep lines still smushed into the side of your face from falling asleep on your hands. you have to explain to two sets of guard that he called you twice and you were only now able to get to him, and they usher you into his penthouse.

he's not in his chair overlooking the city, instead he's lying on his bed under the covers. as soon as the door closes behind you, he sits up, frowning. shirtless.

"it's been 30 minutes since i called for you."

"i apologize, sir. i was unable to get here any sooner."

"why is that?"

"i was..." you think about lying but know it won't end well. "i had fallen asleep in my office, sir."

"why are you so far away? come closer."

you summon your courage and walk to his bed, and as you get closer you realize there's movement under the blanket around his lap...

"doesn't this bed look far more comfortable than your desk?"

"yes sir..."

"good. do you know why i called you, [y/n]?"

"no sir..." you pretend.

he pushes the blankets down, revealing that he's completely naked and furiously hard. his whole cock is blushing, the tip especially an angry red.

"and now?" he asks, to which you nod meekly. he holds his hand out to you, and you take it, letting him guide you to sit on the bed.

"if you finally let me breed that tight cunt of yours i may be inclined to overlook your tardiness."

Tetcho

you're one of the hunting dogs, and you're very adept at hand-to-hand combat. Tetcho trains with you regularly, enjoying how much endurance you have and how you manage to smile when you fight him. he quite admires you for it, actually, though he keeps it to himself

after beating him one day, you sigh as you stretch out a sore muscle and absentmindedly say that you wish there were higher stakes, because he's starting to get predictable.

this. pisses. him. off. he doesn't like being called predictable. he hates that you're losing interest in fighting him. he doesn't want you to train with anyone else, the idea makes him jealous.

he thinks about it too much for his own good, and more than once he's gotten an angry boner from it--he can't help it, alright. it happens when he's fighting you sometimes too but you've never noticed (or so he thinks)

he thinks up a way to up the stakes, to make it seem more important that you win against him, while simultaneously training privately in a new fighting style. then he waits...

finally, it happens. you happen to walk in on him while he's masturbating, and he can't help but laugh at the shocked look on your face.

"come here" he says, and you bark out a laugh, saying "no fucking way," and you try to leave his room, but he jumps up, grabs you, and drags you inside, closing the door behind you.

"you said you wanted to up the stakes, so i'm gonna up them." he says, pinning you between himself and the door. you try to shrink so his dick wont touch you, but he presses right against you.

"fight me. right now. fight me off and if you can't beat me, i get to fuck you."

"tetcho what the fuck??" you half-heartedly struggle against him, but he laughs and pins you arms above your head.

"you're out of your mind," you say, twisting your hands free and dipping under his arms.

"what, afraid to give me that pretty little pussy?"

"ew, don't talk like that!" you say, backing away from him, and he follows, strategizing how to catch you and get you in his bed

"what, you don't wanna take this fat cock in your tight little cunt?" he taunts, grabbing the base of his dick--this whole time he hasn't had pants on. your face flushes red and he doesn't miss how your eyes glance down.

he's pissed when he gets you in his bed only a minute and a brief scuffle later. "you held back," he grunts, ripping straight through your pants. "where's the fight, you mean bitch? you're tougher than that. you just want this cock huh?"

[if it wasn't obvious, he has a crush on you and you didn't fight back when he said he wanted to fuck you, because you also have a crush on him -.- pls stop leaving rude comments abt this post. i am just a person.]

#bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs smut #bungo stray dogs headcanons #bsd x reader #bsd smut #bsd headcanons #mori x reader #mori headcanons #mori smut #sigma x reader #sigma headcanons #sigma smut #tetcho x reader #tetcho smut #tetcho headcanons #tecchou x reader #tecchou smut #tecchou headcanons

[cultrise]

best friend!hobie who is sleeping over at your house and starts drawing little penises on your face and giggles in the dark. who sits over you as your eyes shoot open and you slap his hand away, making his eyes widen. SUGGESTIVE !

“do that again and i’m slapping your ass to another dimension” you say as you stand up, earning a smirk from hobie, who folds his arms.

“mm.. kinky” he’d say as he watched you get flustered. he loved teasing you so much.

“i didn’t mean it like that, perv” you roll your eyes as you go to the bathroom to wash the marker off your face. thank god you thought of replacing all of the permanent markers in your house with washable ones.

he leans on the door frame as he smiles at you “thas’ too bad. you got me all excited”

you smiled as you tried to supress a laugh. “you’re so dumb”

“and you’re beautiful” his eyes glinted as he admired you. “oh yeah” you say as you roll your eyes, looking back at him, cheeks heating up.

“especially when i have dicks drawn on my cheeks” you said as you wiped off your face with a towel.

hobie lets his head fall back, laughing loudly “especially then” he grins as you smile. whatever he did you couldn’t get angry at him. or at least, not for a long while. he always had the habit of flirting with you, it was natural for you two. but all of the hidden glances pav, miles & gwen exchanged when you two were near each other had you wondering if there was more to his demeanour than simple flirting.

as you pondered for a bit, you spoke “you know” you said as you stopped in the doorway next to him.

“know what, luv?” he smirked as he turned his head to you. you looked up at him with a smile.

“if you wanted to put a long, black dick on my face, you could’ve just asked”

hobie froze at your comment, eyes going wide. you definitely took him by surprise. amused at his face, you decide to return to your bed as he sharply turned around behind you. “wait.. what?!” he almost yelled.

“hm? what?” you said as you turned around, a cheeky smile on your face and a playful glint in your eyes.

“what did you mean by that?” oh he was gone. never in his life had hobie felt so confused, so embarrassed, so… flustered?

you folded your arms and cocked your head to the side “nothing. what.. you thinkin’ about something?” you smiled as he was staring at you mouth agape.

“uh.. fuck.. forget it” he said as he quickly moved towards the couch in your room and turned his back at you, putting the blanket on his figure.

you chuckled “night, hobie”

“mhm” he said back as he bit his lip, trying to arrange his thoughts. what did you mean by that? was he analysing stuff too much? must’ve been. you giggled again before hopping into bed and drifting to sleep. needless to say, hobie never drew dicks on your face again.

© cultrise | don’t steal, copy or translate my works.

#𐙚 — pages. #hobie brown #spider punk #across the spiderverse #atsv #hobie #hobie atsv #hobie brown atsv #hobie brown x reader #hobie x reader

[princessbrunette]

Stepbro!Rafe is too hot to handle, idk out of all characters the trope suits him so well 🥵 I love your stepbro!Rafe headcanons because you just know he’d be so possessive and never let another man touch his step sis. Him with a sweet naive step sis would be so hot!! Like he makes it his business to make sure every man in Kildare is afraid of him so they never even dare approach his step sis. That leaves her never having gone on a date or even having been kissed so she innocently and naively pours her heart out to Rafe on night all vulnerable and lonely and sad thinking there’s something wrong and off putting about her because no boy has ever asked her out when all her friends are gossiping about their active dating lives and sharing intimate details of their sex lives whilst she’s feeling left out because she’s never had close to any of that. Little does she know Rafe threatens every man he sees even talking to her. So she innocently asks him stuff like “I wonder what I feels like to get eaten out” and he coaxes her into letting him do that to her because he’s just being a “helpful step brother”. And another night she’s curious about how to give a guy a blow job because she wants to be prepare for when she gets a boyfriend (foolishly thinking Rafe would let any man but himself touch her in that way) so he’s more than happy to teach her how to. And begins frequent night where she innocently wonders into room asking him to each her how to do things she hears her friends doing with their boyfriend like “Rafe, what does doggystyle mean 🥺?”, “Rafe did you know people have anal sex 😯?! Where men put their penises in inside the woman’s butt! I wonder what that would feel like???” Hmmmff step bro Rafe is a fave trope 🥵!!!

i love this a lot because there’d be so much manipulation involved and… idk when it’s rafe its hot 🙏🏼

“girls really… do this kind of thing? i don’t know rafe, it seems a little gross to m—”

“look, i just don’t want you to embarrass yourself, a’ight? you’re my little step sister… wouldn’t wanna have to beat some guys ass because he got mad you don’t know how to suck him off properly… right? y’know i’m just tryna take care of you.”

also, bonus points if reader starts to catch on. i mean you’re not an idiot, after the first few ‘lessons’, seeing how much rafes enjoying himself you start to realise it’s mostly for selfish gain. but… you turns a blind eye to it because as much as you know it’s wrong, you like it too. he makes you feel good.

you’ll come slinking into his room with your most innocent face on, pawing at him, so helpless and sweet, talking about “apparently… you can grind on a guys thigh and it feels really good… heard the girls talkin’ about it and i felt left out ‘cos i’ve never done it before…” your hand playing with the north face fleece he wore. he stares down at you knowingly, fighting away the urge to smirk.

“y’think i’m dumb or something?” he rasps after a minute and your eyes widen.

“huh?”

“you come in here… actin’ all sweet cos’ you wanna get felt up by your big bro again, ain’t that right?” the way he words it makes you recoil, shoulders practically at your ears as you rapidly shake your head. “yeah… yeah you want a freebie. i know your game.” he begins to back you against the wall, and you could cry from the humiliation.

“s’not true rafe, i just wanna learn!”

“bullshit. what happened to you, hm? i think… i think i’ve turned you into a slut.” he mocks concern, tilting his head with wide worried eyes. your bottom lip juts out just like he thought it would, shaking your head still in denial.

“no…” it comes out small.

“uh-huh. and you know what happens to sluts?” he closes in. “gotta be punished. i can’t have you turnin’ out like that… running around town trying to get yours. i gotta nip it in the bud, yeah? m’a proactive person, you know that— a good big brother, i gotta teach you a lesson.” he’s dragging you over to the bed, manhandling you to bend over his lap.

you must’ve caught him on the wrong night.

#one thing about rafe he’s gonna tell u he’s proactive #tw stepcest #stepbro!rafe

[bitchinbarzal]

Soon to be bride | T Zegras

summary: when you meet again, you’re about to get married.

-

Every summer Trevor returned to Boston for a couple weeks, always missing the place he had gone to college.

They’d go out partying just like he had in the dorms all those years before.

You’d landed at paradise rock with your bridesmaids, all making a fool of yourselves with the tacky veils, the inflatable penises and ‘future wife’ glasses on.

Trevor spotted you from across the bar, watching with a smirk as you leaned across the bar and shouted your order to the bartender.

“Hey isn’t that Y/N?” Jake asks, nudging Trevor and pointing to you.

Trevor cocks his head to the side, studying your face before he realises it is you.

“Oh, it is! Damn I haven’t seen her since college! She’s getting married?”

He left his seat and waded through the crowd until he got to you, his hand flat on your lower back while he leaned forward to whisper in your ear

“Long time no see”

You spin around with wide eyes “Zegras!” And throw your arms around his neck to hug him.

He holds you tightly with a slight sway between you both, something similar to how the two of you used to hold one another in your dorm rooms back in college.

When you finally pull away he smiles and looks you up and down “So… a wifey huh?”

You blush, doing a little spin for him “Uh-huh! You remember Lucas from our management class?”

Trevor doesn’t. He never paid attention to the class nevermind anyone in it. He nods anyway.

“Yeah! Congrats!” Once again his eyes rake over your body “You look good”

You smirk and shove him playfully “Mr Zegras I am a taken woman”

“Never stopped us before” Is all he says before the bartender interrupts by handing your drink, you don’t get the chance to give him the cash before Trevor shouts over the music

“Just put her stuff on my tab!”

You smiled and kissed his cheek before mumbling “Thanks T, you’re the best” before heading back to your party.

Trevor’s eyes didn’t leave you for the entirety of the night, ignoring all female attention just to watch you.

He watched you shake your hips, dancing on your friends and downing shots after shots. His eyes hung over the edge of your white mini dress, how your boobs hung out over the top slightly — leaving his mind to make up the rest of the image and how the dress rode up to reveal the bottom of your ass.

At some point your groups had merged, everyone mingling with one another.

You and Trevor had found your way back to one another, now sat awfully close in the booth chatting away.

You asked him about Anaheim and how hockey was going and he tried desperately to avoid talking about your future husband.

You hadn’t noticed his hand on you thigh or how he squeezed it when he made you laugh, not until it had ridden up your thigh so high that any further you’d get kicked out for indecency.

“So when’s the wedding?” He asks, biting the bullet.

“The day after tomorrow” You answer, sipping your vodka. You didn’t miss the look that dawned over his face.

It takes him a moment to compose himself before he leans in, really close and whispers “does he make you feel like I did?”

You’re taken a back, clenching your thighs at the raspiness of his voice. When you don’t answer he raises his eyebrow as you prompt you to answer and you shake your head almost with a whimper before saying

“Nobody can” and turning to get out of the booth and away from Trevor.

He watches with a slightly ajar mouth as you strut away to the bathroom. It takes him a moment before he pushes his way out of the booth too, scurrying behind you.

He catches you in the hallway, grabbing your wrist and pulling you back. You make a noise of surprise as he pushes your back up against the wall, his lips are on yours and he’s kissing you.

Your hand grabs his hair and you’re trying to push him closer to you, as if that was humanly possible. He finally pulls away and you’re both breathless.

“I’m getting married T” You sigh, pushing him away from you with no success “Y/N… you kissed me back, do you really want to be with this guy?”

You shake your head, slipping out of his hold “This is wrong and I’m such a horrible - oh god Trevor what have we done!”

He doesn’t get the chance to respond before you’re taking off down the corridor out of the bar.

He’s left staring at the floor and mutters “And I let her go… again”

By the time he’d gotten back to the table your friends had all disappeared leaving only his friends sitting looking at him waiting for him to say something

“What did you do?” Jake asks and Trevor just sighs, taking the nearest drink and sipping

“I fucked it up with her… again”

“Are you gonna go find her?”

Trevor thinks for a moment before he says “Nah, I’m never gonna see her again. I think this was it for good”

He thought he’d never see you again until you showed up at his Airbnb, dressed in your wedding dress with mascara dripping down your cheeks.

“I couldn’t do it, I can’t marry him! I want-“

Trevor pulls you into his arms and hushes you “I know babe, I’ve got you now and I’m not letting go again”

#trevor zegras imagine #Trevor zegras x reader #nhl imagine

[magicalrocketships]

hi! are you planning to write more of de-aged max bc he is just so cute it’s giving me a heart attack. saw a tiktok the other day w photos of baby max and all i could think about was this verse!!!!! ahhh lysm

Thank you!!! Here is a little bit more, in honour of grown up Max's adventures with colouring in.

(Hopefully this link shows the stuff I’ve already posted in chronological order. But anyway, this bit follows directly on from this part.)

It has been five full days since a seven year old Max showed up at Daniel's door in too-big clothes and holding out a little card with Daniel's name carefully printed on it in grown up Max's blocky handwriting. Baby Max shows no signs of going big again. He follows Daniel around his apartment, looks at his flag book, and plays with the Jimmy or Sassy cats — no further narrowing down of cat identity has occurred, due to Daniel having little to no interest in identifying cat penises, and grown up Max's complete fucking inability to put his fucking cat names on a fucking collar, or, indeed, to have informed Daniel of his Go Small plans at any point in the past three fucking years, but that's fine, Daniel is fine with this responsibility. Max has wet the bed every night and Daniel is just having to cross his fingers that he's not making everything worse by each and every decision he makes.

Anyway: if grown up Max doesn't show up again extremely soon, Daniel's going to have to bite the bullet and call Christian and tell him Max isn't going to be able to race. Max will hate that when he's back, if Daniel brakes too soon and makes the call, and more than that, it's going to turn baby Max into a Thing, and if there's one thing Daniel has learned in the last five days, it's that Max one hundred percent does not want to be a thing of any kind.

So, it's time for Emergency Measures. Maybe what will kickstart baby Max back into adulthood in time for his next race will be a race track, and go-karting. Daniel takes advantage of Max being distracted by his coloured pencils in the living room to google nearby karting tracks, and sends the nearest one a message to see if he could book out the whole track for a private session. The answer comes back with an immediate yes, which is probably in some part due to the figure Daniel had dropped in his message about how much he's willing to pay for the privilege.

He leans against the doorframe into the living room. Max is concentrating very closely on his colouring book, his coloured pencils all out on the coffee table. A little something in Daniel's chest shifts a bit.

"Maxy-Max," Daniel says, half way through his email response to the karting track. "Would you like to go karting tomorrow?"

There is a pause. "No, thank you, Daniel." Max does not look up from his colouring book, nor does he stop colouring.

Daniel also pauses. Max's little fingers hold onto his pencil tighter. He's pressing down hard on the picture.

"Okay," Daniel says. "Would you like to go another day, if we don't go tomorrow?"

"No, thank you, Daniel," Max says again. He still doesn't look up. His pencil might tear through the paper soon.

Daniel's been reading up on Going Small. Well, googling randomly when he can't sleep. Most people tend to think about Going Small as a way of connecting with your kid self, like… remembering who you once were in case maybe you wanted to stop being such a cunt or that you always wanted to sew clothes or build bridges and maybe your hedge fund job isn't as fulfilling as you maybe thought it was. Some people say it's as much for the people around you as it is about you, but whatever. Daniel had had a great fucking time in the pit lane six years ago, he remembers that much, although the detail has always been fuzzy. Like it happened a very long time ago. But there's another school of thought, one about the kids that don't age back up after a day or a couple of days, the kids who maybe lost a part of their childhood the first time around. Daniel's never met anyone who stayed small longer than a couple of days though, and it's so rare that the theory could be complete bollocks, and no one would ever know anyway. You can't battle data against the universe, it's not like race strategy. There's no science to it.

Max continues not to look at him. He's colouring the same line over and over again.

Daniel closes his email app, and slips his phone into his pocket. "Can I come and colour with you?"

Max nods, but doesn't look up. His fingertips are white around his pencil. He's used it down to the nub so that it's almost too blunt to colour with.

Daniel tries to sit down on Max's right side, but Max shakes his head and makes him come and sit on his left. Daniel positions himself cross-legged by the coffee table and it becomes clear just why Max wanted him this side when, a moment later, Max's little hand slips into Daniel's bigger one. Daniel does not now have a hand to colour with, but maybe it doesn't matter, because Max is colouring with enough concentration for the two of them, a big picture of a train with a cat sitting in the window next to the driver. He's being very careful. He still doesn't look up.

One of the Jimmy or Sassys wanders over to curl up by Max's little Pikachu-socked foot. The other one, the one who doesn't like being petted as much and prefers to watch you in a creepy and furry way while you're doing perfectly normal things sitting on the toilet or in the shower, perches on top of Daniel's shelves and stares at them.

Max's grip on his pencil loosens a little. Daniel leans over and kisses the top of his head. "You're very good at colouring," he tells Max. "We can cut out ones you've finished and put them up on the wall, if you'd like."

Max looks at him then, his eyes big and wide. "My pictures?"

"Your pictures," Daniel agrees. He reaches for the Pikachu pencil sharpener in the middle of the table. "Can I sharpen your pencil for you?"

Max dutifully hands him his blue pencil. His eyes are still shining, even though Daniel's had to stop holding his hand so that he can sharpen it for him. When he hands it back, all sharp, Max tucks his hand into Daniel's again.

"You've done some good colouring in of this train," Daniel says. "Have you been on a train, Maxy-Max?"

Max shakes his head.

"Would you like to go on one?"

Max's eyes widen. "A train?"

"Yeah," Daniel nods. "If you'd like, we can go and find a train to go on tomorrow. If you want to. We can take Pikachu."

"But not the Jimmy or Sassys," Max says, frowning. "They would not like the train and they might get lost."

"No," Daniel agrees. "The Jimmy or Sassy cats can stay here."

"There is a cat in my train picture but it is not our cats."

"No," Daniel says. "So, should we go on a train tomorrow?"

"Yes, please, Daniel," Max says, in satisfaction.

Daniel watches him colour even as he's avoiding texting Christian to let him know Max has gone small and isn't getting big again. He follows up on his avoidance by ordering a night light for Max's bedroom and one for the bathroom, in case his little boy is frightened of the dark and is too scared to say. He pays extra for same-day delivery.

He'll call Christian later, when Max is in bed. Instead, he googles train stations, and train timetables, and puts together a plan for the morning.

Max keeps his hand tucked into Daniel's, carries on colouring, and doesn't let go.

Thank you so much to Zoe @flawlessassholes for giving this a pre-post read through, and for consistently being interested in all baby Max lore!

#my fic #de-aged maxiel #baby max #fic that I wrote

[elixirq23]

Gloss

“Your lips look so shiny, it makes me wanna kiss them until they turn matte”

!!!MINORS DNI!!!

(DO NOT REPOST, ORIGINAL WORK BY ME A.K.A @elixirq23)

genre: smut, fluff

warnings!: soft dom;jisung x sub;fem reader, fingering, oral (f & m recieving), praise kink (like A HUGE one), nicknames. (I think that’s it, lmk if there’s smth else)

“Fuck.” You said, as you flipped a page of your book, realising you missed a page. “What’s wrong?” Your roommate, Jisung asked you. “I missed a page, now I don’t know what’s going on. At this point, I’m gonna fail the exam.” you sighed as you took another sip of your coffee. “C’mon, Y/N. Both of us have been at this for the past 3 months. If we still fail, then fuck it. We’ll run away with Minho hyung or something” he said, making little doodles with his black pen on the back of both of your hands. You giggled after seeing two penises with stars around them on both of your hands.

You chuckled at the thought. “You think he would let me come with you guys?”, and han nodded. “I’m exhausted. I really want to sleep, but I can’t.” you walked over to it and groaned loudly as you fell onto it, landing on your face. You felt breathless as Jisung lied on your back. “J-Ji I c-can’t breathe!” He stood up, and you squealed as he picked you up as he stood up.

“PUT ME DOWN BEFORE I STOP BUYING YOU CHEESECAKES AND COFFEE YOU IDIOT” you sighed as he gently seated you on the bed. He sat down beside you and started laughing. His adorable heart shaped smile and Adam’s apple showed, and your heart melted at the sight. His hair looked messy. They slightly covered his eyes, which were barely visible because he was still laughing his ass off. His cheeks were pink and puffy, and you wanted to squish them until they were completely red. You’ve liked jisung for a while now, but have been too oblivious to figure out that he fell first and fell HARDER.

“You need to calm down, and I’ve got just the trick.” He said while you walked back to your desk, shaking your head no. “Sorry, ji, but not today. I really need to study.”

“Please, just for today? For me?” He said, giving you the puppy eyes. You groan as you say, “fine, but just for today.” as he jumps up and down like a little child on Christmas morning. Next think you know both of you are in a convenience store, eating ramyun with ice-cream and drinks. Both of you got the spicy ones since you like competing to see who can take it, and you got choco chip cookie ice cream with a cold coffee, while he got a strawberry ice cream with an iced mocha.

“Bro, Jae-hoon and Hannah are literally couple goals. They went on a date the other day, and Jae decorated that crusty ass gazebo near the river in that abandoned vacation home with flowers and light and pictures and stuff.” Han said, stuffing his face with more food.

Your eyes widened, “How come Hannah didn’t tell me?! Well, I know Chan hyung won’t be to happy about it!” You said, laughing as you thought about how he would react. Both of you started mocking him before throwing away the trash and buying some more snacks. You ran to the dorm, once again racing each other, and gave your favourite old security guard some food.

Both of you played some games together, and had some snacks as well. You had completely forgot about the tests. Until the game was over. You both just looked around, until you faced each other. “I- I’ll be honest. I’m thinking about the exam.” You said, not being able to take the silence anymore. He sighed. “Same.” You both thought of some things to do together, but in vain. “I’ma go change into more comfy clothes. Be right back!” You said as you walked off to your room. You changed into some grey shorts and one of Jisung’s purple shirts. You removed your bra and sighed in relief because it had been suffocating you all day. You put on a little lip gloss, because why not? You liked it!

As you walked into the living room, Jisung’s eyes widened. He was glad the lights were dim, or he would’ve been fucked (pun intended). His breath got caught in his throat when he saw you in his shirt and some really short shorts. He felt shame and embarrassment any time he thought of you like that.

But right now, you were making it really hard (quite literally) for him to not do so. Your nipples poking out of his shirt, and your beautiful thighs on display. Oh god, and your beautiful, plump lips. He’s imagined kissing them and watching them moan his name. He loves them, so much. He gulped as you sat down and ran your fingers through your hair. “So, did you think of anything to do?” you asked him, still unaware of the bulge in his sweatpants. “Uh, no.” He quickly replied, getting harder by the second.

you looked at him, confused, until you noticed it. “Oh.” You accidentally said out loud, and he covered his face in embarrassment. “I’m sorry” he said, looking away. “Uh, don’t worry, ji.” You said, smiling. Your smile fell when you spoke the next part, “Um, is it- is it because- of me?” You asked, your voice no louder than a whisper.

“Um, y-yeah?” He said hesitantly. You pressed your lips together, and gathered up all the courage you had. What other chance will you get? “C-can I help? Only I-if you want though” you said, fidgeting with your fingers. He looked at you as if he’d seen a ghost, but quickly cleared his throat and mumbled a quick ‘sure’. You kneeled on the floor and looked him in the eye once more before slowly pulling down his sweats and boxers.

whoa. He’s… huge. You were basically drooling as you spread the drops of pre-cum on his length. He bit his lip to suppress a moan, and you said, “no, ji. Don’t hesitate. Be as vocal as you want” you said, before wrapping your lips around the tip of his length. You began bobbing your head up and down slowly, and Han groaned at the feeling. You slowly quickened your pace. You looked up to see han, and oh my god. He was a sight for sore eyes.

Beads of sweat flowing down his face, his hair sticking to his forehead, his eyes closed shut and lips in a line. His moans and whimpers just made it so much better. You felt yourself getting more and more aroused, and Jisung began getting louder. You went faster, and felt his cock twitch in your mouth. You let out a low groan and that just finished it for jisung. He emptied into your mouth with a high-pitched whine, said your name followed by a few curses and you wiped the cum off the edges of you lips.

“That was… amazing Y/N… thanks” he said. “Um, can I- may I- only if you want, uh- help you out?” he asked, and you blushed. “Oh um, are you s-sure?” you spoke and he nodded. You sat next to him and he looked into your eyes. “C-can I kiss you?” He asked, and your heart did a flip. “It’s just, your lips still look so shiny, and, you kinda just sucked me off so-”

“JI!” you said as he raised his hands. You nodded before connecting your lips together. He adjusted your position so you were now straddling him. Your hands were on his shoulders, while his travelled around your body. He snuck his hands into your (his) shirt and played with your tits. You moaned into his mouth as he squeezed your right nipple and he snuck his tongue into your mouth. he thought your lips tasted like strawberries. He was obsessed, intoxicated. He wanted to kiss you forever, but he knew he wanted you to be pleased as well. He began trailing kisses from your jaw to your neck, then to your collarbone, and you whimpered when he found your sweet spot. He gently removed his shirt off you, and you did the same with him.

Once you were comfortably lying on the couch, he removed your shorts too. he took a minute to appreciate your beauty. “You’re stunning.” He said, and you blushed at the comment. “T-thanks”.

He took your right breast in his hand and sucked on it, and you gasped. He played with your other breast. “J-ji, want you to touch me” you said, not being able to talk properly. “I will, baby. Just want you to feel good, yeah?” he said before going lower until his head was between you thighs. He slowly blew a little air and you squirmed in your place. He chuckled before dipping his middle finger into your wet folds.

you gasped at the feeling. “You’re so wet, princess” he said before kissing your inner thighs. He licked a stripe up your slit and you whimpered, already bucking your hips. “It’s ok baby, I’ll make you feel good. Don’t get impatient”

he slowly sucked and licked your pussy and used his fingers to make an eight figure on your clit. You moaned loudly as he licked faster and deeper. You felt your high coming and Han replaced his tongue with his fingers so he could go faster. “Han-Hannie!” You squealed as he added 2 more fingers into your heat. “You’re doing great princess, you’re stunning” he said. He whispered other praises into you ears and kissed you hard, which did not slow his fingers down a bit.

he bit your bottom lip and swallowed all the moans of his name ans whimpers you let out. He went back down and licked your clit, and he kept hitting your g-spot, so you felt your high coming. “H-hannie, ‘m gonna cum! Please, let me cum!” you whisper, your eyelids getting heavy. “Cum for me, honey. Cum all over my fingers, pretty.” and that’s all it took. His words and praises just pushed you closer, and you came undone on his digits.

you were pretty tired, so he cleaned you up and made you wear one of his shirts. As both of you sat down on the bed, the room fell silent. suddenly, you blurted out “I like you. A lot. I’ve liked you since you came up to me in 8th grade and started singing that stupid song you made with chan and changbin, ‘Jogiyo noona hokshi namjachingu isseoyeo?’” and covered your face with your hands. Han didn’t say anything, he just tapped your cheek.

you looked at him, and he kissed your cheek. “I like you too, Y/N.”

you felt your insides churn up, and hugged him (more like tackled him on the bed but ok). You turned of the lights and checked the time. 2.45 am? Nice. You snuggled into his chest, and he held you close. “So does this mean we get to fuck often?”

“HAN JISUNG!”

Hope you liked it <3

(Do not repost, original work by me A.K.A @elixirq23)u

#han jisung #stray kids #skz smut #han jisung smut #han smut #jisung smut #reader x idol #kpop #kpop bg #idk what i’m doing #but yes here I am writing a smut #Ngl kinda like this #But yeah #Also why are there no dom han smuts like-?!

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/740284683556929536/

Omg I'm so sorry! I wrote that anon when I was sleepy so it had very ham-fisted wording. Yes, I meant to ask about portraying self-esteem issues about bodies. I thought guys don't talk about it much.

To that one person, why would dudes comparing dick sizes be considered smut? I can see it being rated M. Are you suggesting the rating go up to E?

--

Ahahaha.

Uh... anon... if that's truly what you were trying to ask... I think maybe you need to work on your writing a bit more. The vibes you give off are odd, to say the least...

Like, creepy pervert angling for foot fetish photos while lying about what they want-level weird.

It sounds like you want to heavy-breathe while reading guys' descriptions of their own penises, not like you want help with writing.

--

The reason your ask reads so "She breasted boobily down the stairs" but from the other side is that guys, at least from what I've seen, do not stand around comparing their dicks, at least not in the way you implied.

The people who most commonly compare their junk out of curiosity are toddlers.

This is something tiny children do. Anecdotally, some teens do it, but a lot don't, and there are clickbait articles about athletes sizing each other up this way, but they are just that: clickbait. I'm not saying it never happens, but you wrote about it like it always happens.

It is fucking weird to have a grown-ass man routinely doing it outside of maaaaybe some weirdly homoerotic scene in a stoner comedy or something.

People joke about this practice because it's a thing that exists, not because it is ubiquitous.

That's also why it reads like porn. IRL, if some dude is like "I think we should compare our dicks... uh... and they should be hard so we can compare properly", many other guys are going to interpret that as sexual. And also self-deluding. Which is a good reason to say no.

--

Most people in locker rooms and public bathrooms try to give each other a little privacy if they can, regardless of gender. Openly ogling is what you do if you're about to proposition someone for sex. Or, if it's hostile, you stare because you're about to beat them up.

I'm not saying a guy couldn't sneakily see the size of another guy's junk and have a response, but the whole way you described this sounds like you've never spoken to a human before. Did you seriously get this idea from those clickbait articles?

Among other issues, penises become erect. They look different in different states of arousal. Surely, you've heard of "growers vs. showers"? Temperature also matters. There's a whole fucking bit on Seinfeld that everyone quoted for like years and is probably still quoting about "shrinkage"—i.e. a guy is insecure that someone saw him when he'd just gotten out of the pool and his dick looked small because he was cold. Hopefully, the locker room isn't that cold, but you still don't know what a dude's dick looks like all of the time from catching a glimpse of it one time.

So an adult man who is not completely unfamiliar with penises is not going to 1. openly stare at another man in the locker room and 2. look only at his penis and have some crisis about "Mine looks different".

I suppose for the right character in the right circumstances, you can sell any kind of goofy-ass reaction, including the "breasted boobily" stuff where women think consciously about their tits in a way that actual women generally don't and male authors love to write. But you have to make it a whole Thing. She has to have some reason why her nipples are super sensitive today and thus she pays attention when she normally wouldn't.

Instead, you keep asking these dumbass questions like you're 12 that boil down to "Literally all men are the same cardboard cutout based on their D&D stats from this character sheet. Please tell me some facts about these stats!" instead of approaching people as individual humans who all react differently. You haven't even said anything about what kind of culture these characters come from. Both personality and specific culture (not just big things like nationality but shit like whether they're athletes who change with the same guys all the time) are going to affect how and whether men talk about self esteem and bodies.

You're boiling this down to "What does the penis-having alien species all do?" despite already getting several answers that told you to stop doing that. You either didn't listen or didn't understand what people meant so badly that it's pointless to keep giving you help.

This is not a good way to write three-dimensional characters.

--

Now, I'm not saying nobody has ever snuck a peek in a locker room. Lots of people, regardless of gender, do that. But we're talking covert looks and that kind of looking gives you glimpses of many body parts and not always a very clear look either.

Most actual men on most actual days of their lives are going to feel insecure about their bodies relative to someone else because the other dude looks better at the gym or grows chest and facial hair more easily or is much taller or isn't going bald.

We love to make jokes about penis size, but in my experience, the level of perpetual crisis dudes have over potential baldness is way higher. There are a shitton of ways to be insecure about yourself and your body. That goes for any gender.

Maybe a dude feels insecure because the other guy is much less body-conscious and has an easier time changing in front of people or because he's paid five times as much and is changing into a thousand dollar suit.

Many of the markers of masculinity and attractiveness have very little to do with penises.

There's also a vast difference between your POV character thinking some other dude's huge package is admirable and your POV character thinking he himself is inadequate. He could think his own dick is average and that it would be nicer to be hung like a pornstar without being insecure about it. He could also have a big dick yet still be insecure about it because he's a weirdo who's obsessed with penis size. He could be a size queen who wants to take a ride on that. He could have an ex girlfriend who thought big penises hurt and be creepily fascinated and wonder whom this guy fucks and how they manage.

--

All this shit is a character point. Stop treating it as immutable truth where someone can give you the Correct Answer™ for you to slot into your writing or spank bank fantasies.

[crtter]

Every time I hear people talk about things they’ve seen online that altered their brain chemistry forever I get a little bit embarrassed because nothing has altered my brain more than two parody redubs I watched in like, 2008. Like, do you remember when people would take an infomercial or a scene of a movie or something and record themselves saying a bunch of silly stuff over it? That’s what I’m talking about.

One was called what would more or less translate to “Penises of the Caribbean” and it was a redub of the Pirates of the Caribbean movie trailers, with the plot being all that all of characters were competing over who had the biggest dick of the seven seas. The other one was called “SpongeBob Opens a Whorehouse” and was a redub of SpongeBob, more specifically that scene where they’re writing their letters to Santa from the Christmas special episode, changed around to be about the characters discussing how to turn the Krusty Crab into a whorehouse.

Both videos are INCREDIBLY juvenile. Both aren’t that funny in retrospect either. And both have changed the way I speak forever, and I mean forever.

#Reporting live

[holylulusworld]

P*ssy pops

Summary: He wanted something sweet.

Pairing: Alpha!Ari Levinson x Omega!Reader

Warnings: adult themed suckers, a/b/o, scenting, mentions of slick, misuse of lollipops :), implied oral (fem rec)

A/N: I rewatched an old episode of Friends. Monica said something to Phoebe about mixing a lollipop and a pregnancy test up...this is how this idea was born...

This story belongs to my Leo & Alpha masterlist. It’s a prequel to the already released parts.

He hates grocery runs. 

Ari Levinson is not used to deciding on which pasta to buy. He’s the kind of man who decides if someone will live another day.

Unfortunately, he can’t live off gunpowder and Scotch. The alpha just ran out of groceries, and no one was willing to go on a grocery run for him. At least not his right-hand man.

It’s his own fault. He fired most of his employees, not trusting any one of them any longer. Now he had to leave his mansion and drive to town to buy food.

“Sir, can I help you?” one of the clerks asks. Ari stared at the pasta for too long and the young man fears the tall alpha is a shoplifter.

“Hmm…no…or yes,” Ari clears his throat. “I’m looking for pasta.” He rolls his eyes. “You already knew that.” He concludes as the boy looks at the shelf filled with pasta. “Can you recommend a sort?”

“Oh, that depends on what are you planning to cook.”

His head snaps toward the soft voice offering help. You smile sweetly as the tall alpha eyes you warily. “Pasta…”

“I got that, Sir,” you wink at Ari. “What do you want to cook? It depends on the sauce. Pairing the right pasta with the right sauce is essential.” You step toward the alpha to get a look at the shelf too. “I’ll go for lasagna this time. What do you prefer?”

“I got no plans, miss. I only wanted to buy noodles,” Ari exasperatedly says. He glances at the pasta in his hands, frowning deeply. “Why do they look like butterflies?”

“These are called farfalle. You serve them with classic tomato sauce or pesto,” you point out. “I like them very much.”

“Huh? Are you a cook or something?”

You giggle. “Kinda,” you look up at Ari, eyes a little glassy. “I sell homemade sweets, cupcakes, and cookies at my store across the street. Why don’t you come around if you find the time?”

He watches you grab a package of lasagna sheets. Ari licks his lips as you brush past him, and your scent surrounds the alpha. “Maybe I’ll find the time.”

“I’d like that,” you wink at him. “But be aware, my sweets are for adults only.” You giggle as his eyes widen a little.

“What does that mean?” he asks the clerk. “Hey, I asked you a question, boy,” Ari grumbles. 

“You shouldn’t buy her stuff,” the clerk whispers. “She sells odd cookies, cakes, and sweets at her store. I would avoid her shop at all costs.”

“Who do you think you are, boy?” Ari grits his teeth and steps closer to the clerk. “My father? I don’t think so. I’ll have a look at her store if I want to.”

Fifteen minutes later Ari steps inside your store. He inhales deeply as a mixture of your scent, strawberries, and freshly baked cookies fills his nostrils.

“OH! You came,” you clasp your hands together. “Welcome to sweets-treats. My store is for adults only. So, don’t bring your kids here.”

“What? Huh…oh…” he inhales sharply as his eyes land on the Les Tétons de Vénus, cookies in the shape of penises, colorful lollipops, and the adult-themed suckers in the shape of a vagina. “What's all this?”

Ari points at the lollipops, smirking as you get one out of the display. “That’s my bestseller. I call them pussy pops.”

“Pussy pops?” he whispers lowly. “Why do you call it that? It looks like a normal lollipop to me.”

“Well,” you round the counter to hand Ari the lollipop. “Have a taste, Sir. If you can guess the secret ingredient, you can have it for free.”

He inhales sharply. Your scent already has him on the edge. If you push him just a little more, he’ll lose control. “Challenge accepted,” he says and takes the lollipop out of your hands.

Ari thrusts the lollipop into his mouth. He licks over it, humming.

“What do you think? I used vanilla this time.”

He suckles at the lollipop, groaning deeply as the secret ingredient fills his senses. It feels like he can taste, smell, and feel it all at once.

You smirk at the alpha, knowing all too well he can taste the secret ingredient.

“Do you like it, alpha?”

He takes the lollipop out of his mouth. Ari growls lowly as you point at the lollipop in his hands. “It tastes like your pussy.”

“You’ve got a skilled tongue, Sir,” you step toward Ari to run your hand over his chest. “Question is, do you want to taste the original?”

>> Snippet 2

Tags in reblog.

#P*ssy pops #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson #alpha!ari levinson x omega!reader #alpha!ari levinson x you #mobster!ari levinson #ari levinson x you #a/b/o

[concretepuppy]

hope does the erectile implant work? i always thought of like... a button or smth lol.

there are three types. i have the AMS Ambicor two-piece hybrid system (the newest of three. AMS is the brand, Ambicor is the model). all options will need to be replaced eventually. *theoretically* they could last forever, but because theyre mechanical devices that are getting a lot of friction, and in the case of phallo penises supporting something relatively heavy (phallo penises are significantly heavier than natal penises bc natal penises are mostly erectile tissue, which is spongy and light, but phallo penises are mostly subcutaneous fat or muscle, which is denser) so eventually they wear out or break. luckily unless the break is the result of trauma and caused any of the stuff inside the silicone to break the silicone or the device somehow breaks through your skin, it’s not dangerous to have a non-functioning device in your body. all three options are attached to your pelvic bone using titanium sutures. the small amount of metal will not set off body scanners/meta detectors and are all safe for MRI machines, and you’re given a patient info card to show when it’s relevant.

the types are:

1. Semi-rigid rod. exactly what it says on the tin. it’s a rod of ball-and-socket joints covered in silicone. the rod is always semi-rigid and does not get more or less hard. you bend it up (at a 90° angle to your body) for sex, and bend it back down for daily use. this option lasts the longest bc there’s less mechanical parts. i know two people who have had it, and both are satisfied, though one says he sometimes has difficulty topping anally if the bottom is a virgin or rarely bottoms anally. in cis men (who are the only population who have any studies wrt erectile implants, so they’ll be the comparison i use) this typically needs replaced every 5-10 years. there are many different brand options

2. Inflatable. A hydraulic system where a “reservoir” of fluid in a bulb that is ovular like a testicle is connected to the cylinders implanted in your penis. there is a button on the reservoir you push multiple times to fill the cylinders with fluid to become erect, then press and hold the button to become flaccid. For phallo patients, the reservoir is typically placed on one side of the scrotum and the other side has a testicular implant, but the reservoir can be placed anywhere in the pelvic region, it’s just easiest to access in the scrotum. This needs replaced more often than the semi-rigid rod bc it has more moving parts, in cis men it generally needs to be replaced every 5-7 years. i’m not sure about brand options bc i never considered this option.

3. Hybrid. what I have. the only existing option afaik is the AMS Ambicor. it’s a hybrid of the other two. it is a semi-rigid device, though less rigid than the rod, so it still has a truly flaccid state. the reservoir is again typically placed in the scrotum. unlike the inflatable, there is no button on the reservoir. you squeeze the reservoir itself to fill the cylinders with fluid & become erect, then you bend your erect penis at a ~60° angle in the middle (it looks very painful but it’s not at all, it’s not even uncomfortable) to deflate it.

i had some issues with inflation/deflation when i first started cycling the device. my balls were still sore so squeezing the reservoir kind of hurt, so i wasnt inflating the device all the way, which made deflation difficult. but now that i dont have any post-op pain, the process is easy and painless and cycling the device (inflating and then deflating it right after. you have to inflate the device once a day to “keep the fluid moving” according to my surgeon, so if youre not having sex or jerking off you just do a quick cycle) takes like two minutes, if that. it typically needs replaced in cis men everg 5-7 years.

my surgeon, Dr. Geolani Dy, prefers the hybrid for phallo patients. it has less risk of erosion (the tip of the device coming out of your skin bc the skin gas eroded due to pressure/friction) than the rod bc it has a flaccid state, but it can handle more weight than the full inflatable and thus is better suited for phallo penises. with the inflatable option OHSU offers, the tip of that device is a bit more pointy than the hybrid, so it also has a higher erosion risk. not sure abt any other inflatable options. but all three options have their pros and cons! there are also external erectile devices. some DIY using two coban/vet wrap and two condoms to create rigidity (note: this is not “safe” as in “safe sex” bc the friction of two condoms means theyre likely to break, so should only be done with partners youre fluid-bonded with), but this really only works for PIV sex and personally i could never get it to work for me. there are companies that make external erectile devices, like the Elator or the Stays Hard. both were designed for natal penises so both companies recommend phallo patients email them and work with them on sizing to ensure a good fit. i never tried these options so i cant speak to how well they work.

#concrete talks #answered

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

One thing I notice about the Taika hate especially in regard to Rita is the way the haters really idolise Taika's first wife Chelsea Winstanley and put her on a pedistool, according to them, she is this goddess he owes his whole life and career too and he MUST have screwed her over and she must have been the 'victim' in their breakup (people love spreading baseless rumours there is absolutely NO actual evidence for, i find those rumours peoole spread actually really painful to hear about), but Chelsea and Taika support each others work to this day, and make out he abandoned her and his kids when he got big (i saw someone say he hasnt talked to his kids in years which is factually untrue hes always posting with his kids and they were with him for a lot of the pandemic).

I also find the way she is contrasted with Rita jarring, I get the impression they see her as 'classy' while Rita is 'trashy', they literally refer to Rita as his 'girlfriend' rather than his wife when discussing her, implying Chelsea is the only one who is wife material and Rita is just his 'wh*re', I even saw one person saying she is doing so much cool stuff but Taika is only promoting Rita's stuff cos 'men think with their penises' (I HATE THAT PHRASE!) but Taika has promoted Chelsea's work before he had Rita's song link in his bio he had the link to her and his sister Tweedy's Maori translations of the Lion King.

I find that whole thing very 'Madonna-Whore' dichotomy, I also see people go on about how she is 'the mother of his children' in a bid to make him feel guilty for being with Rita, which I feel like shows the idealisation of mothers in society and how they are seen as 'better' than other women (something Jennette Mccurdy mentioned in her book) while we know how demonised stepmothers are, just look at sl many fairytales.

And of course all this is used to make Taika look bad.

Hey Anon! Sorry for the delay! Every time I came to answer you I had crazy stuff at work happen.

Yeah it's really uncomfortable how they just kind of make up rumors about him. He did those "dad" videos for forever and people were saying he wasn't in contact with his kids then too (which is like.. they're on camera with him man, and they were in his show in 2023?). It's a growing problem with people who are "hearing things" on the internet and believing them as truths with little to no research of their own (or going to sources that are entirely biased in their directions so of course they'll get corroborating "evidence").

Thank you for sharing this perspective, especially about the "mother ideal" vs the "whore". I agree, it seems like there's a lot of hate towards Rita for being just a modern woman not wanting to go down the traditional "mother" route. It's crazy that it's 2024 (omg crap is it really 2024) and people are still expecting women to only be birthers. I'm a mom, but I chose to be a mom, I knew that was something I wanted a lot of my life because I love kids and I love language, and learning and seeing that in a kiddo is great! But I know so many women and men who don't want children and that's completely normal! Not every person on this planet has to procreate (and honestly we're overpopulated as it is), and labeling women whores for not wanting to be a mother really is incredibly puritanical. Unfortunately, I feel like no matter what Taika does... supports Rita doesn't support Rita, supports Chelsea, doesn't support Chelsea, sees his kids too often, sees his kids too little, someone is going to have a problem with him. Multiple anons and mutuals have brought up that it really is pretty damn racist how the people getting the most hate are the brown indigenous man, and his Albanian wife. It's incredibly frustrating, especially considering how much he does for indigenous films, shows, and people in general.

Ps: Regarding "men think with their penises" that doesn't even make sense like... are you NOT supposed to support the women in your life? Like what does the penis even have to do with anything in this case?

I will make the note in case you werent already aware I am a white woman so I don't want to speak to black or indigenous experience when they can do it better-- but I would like to share a work by a Black Writer I follow on IG.

SRC: blackliturgies

I feel like this is INCREDIBLY apt when it comes to the situation of Taika (and honestly women in general who don't go down the mother path). Whether people realise it's a part of systemic racism (and sexism) or not, so many people have been programmed to shame others if they don't follow the "norm". It's why it's so important for everyone to keep fighting back whenever that shame becomes public. Anyway, sorry, your talking points are really important and they got me rambling! I appreciate you bringing them up. If you wanna talk more about them feel free to DM me!

Thanks for writing in anon, I hope you have a good day and stay safe and warm out there! <3

#asks #anon asks #taika waititi #rita ora

[smutoperator]

Rules, kinks and favorite idols/groups

I've had this blog for a while but finally I'm not busy enough to keep it active. So there are the rules:

Idols must be 18 or older (obviously).

Sex must always be consensual.

Besides rape, I also avoid stuff like scat, vomit and necrophilia.

I don't write G!P smuts. I allow for the use of strap-ons but not actual penises for idols that have vaginas.

I keep note on every request and will select a few if the story fits. All smuts will feature at least one female idol and a male reader.

My favorite fantasies are: anal (my #1), breeding, creampie, dirty talk dom/sub, facefucking, morning sex, poolside sex, public sex, rough sex, spanking and titfucking. As you can see, I'm on the rougher side of the spectrum and my smuts veer into the porny side but can do romantic stuff if asked to.

Now on to the idols.

I have idols spawning from 2nd to 4th generation as my biases, my all time top 10 is, ordered by their groups: AOA Seolhyun, Blackpink Jennie, Dreamcatcher Yoohyeon, Girl's Day Yura, f(x) Krystal, Ive Wonyoung, Iz*one/Soloist Eunbi, SNSD Yuri, Twice Jihyo and Twice Momo (and RV Seulgi but I don't write smuts about her for finding her too cute to lewd).

Here are the idols from each group, order alphabetically, I can write smuts of. Inside their groups, the idols are ordered by my personal preference.

4Minute: Hyuna

Aespa: Karina - Ningning - Winter - Giselle

After School: Nana - Kahi

Alice: Sohee

AOA: Seolhyun - Choa - Hyejeong - Jimin

Apink: Bomi - Hayoung - Eunji - Naeun - Chorong

Berry Good: Johyun

Blackpink: Jennie - Jisoo - Lisa - Rosé

Cherry Bullet: Jiwon

Cignature: Jeewon

CLC: Seungyeon - Yeeun

Dal Shabet: Subin

Dreamcatcher: Yoohyeon - Gahyeon - Handong - SuA - JiU

Exid: Hani - Junghwa

f(x) : Krystal - Victoria

Fromis 9: Saerom - Chaeyoung

Gidle: Soyeon - Shuhua - Minnie - Yuqi - Miyeon

Girl's Day: Yura - Hyeri

Gfriend: Eunha - SinB - Sowon - Yuju - Yerin - Umji

I.O.I: Somi - Doyeon - Sejeong - Jieqiong - Chungha - Mina

Itzy: Yeji - Chaeryeong - Yuna - Ryujin

Ive: Wonyoung - Gaeul - Yujin - Rei - Liz

Iz*one: Eunbi - Wonyoung - Chaewon - Minju - Hyewon - Yujin - Sakura - Yena - Chaeyeon

Kep1er: Xiaoting - Yujin - Hikaru - Chaehyun - Dayeon

Le Sserafim: Kazuha - Chaewon - Yunjin - Sakura

Loona: Heejin - Yeojin - Hyeju - Yves - Haseul - Jinsoul - Kim Lip

Lovelyz: Mijoo

Mamamoo: Solar - Hwasa

Miss A: Suzy - Fei

Momoland: Ahin - Nancy

Newjeans: Danielle - Minji - Hanni

Nine Muses: Kyungri

Nmixx: Sullyoon - Haewon

Oh My Girl: Arin - Yooa - Jiho - Yubin - Mimi - Hyojung - Seunghee

Rainbow: Jaekyung - Hyunyoung

Red Velvet: Joy - Yeri - Irene

Secret: Hyosung

SNSD: Yuri - Yoona - Taeyeon - Seohyun - Sunny - Jessica - Tiffany - Hyoyeon - Sooyoung

Sistar: Soyou - Hyolyn - Bora - Dasom

Stayc: Isa - J - Seeun - Yoon

T-Ara: Hyomin - Jiyeon

Twice: Momo - Jihyo - Sana - Mina - Tzuyu - Dahyun - Nayeon - Jeongyeon - Chaeyoung

Weeekly: Monday - Zoa - Jihan

WJSN: Bona - Cheng Xiao

Wonder Girls: Sunmi

#kpop #kpop smut #smut #girl group smut #female idol smut #male reader smut

[wallbang-buzzkill]

CoD MW2 HC's for round 3:

Rudy doesn't make much body heat and his fingers are almost always ice cold, as opposed to Alejandro who's a furnace compared to his counterpart. Rudy starts bundling up for the fall pretty quickly, but Alejandro can be seen walking around in basketball shorts well into November.

Ghost finds small comforts in the smell of cigarette smoke. He's not exactly sure why, but it puts him just a little more at ease.

Soap can handle SOME spicy in his food, but because of his cocky nature he always vastly overestimates his ability to handle any at. He'll do his best to down a plate of hot wings to impress people and start wheezing 2 wings in. But if you give him milk he'll just fill up on that instead, so Price thinks it's better to let him re-learn this lesson till it sticks. It's also funny to him.

Gaz and Price both like Juicy Fruit gum and will go through a pack like it's nothing while Ghost watches in disgust. Ghost doesn't like gum.

Price likes the desert at night. It's cool and the flat land provides a wonderful clarity of sound. It makes him feel better about hearing any approaching threats.

Ghost's great at measuring height/distances without a tool and nobody knows why, not even him. In another world where he actually watched TV, he'd be a god at finding the TV remote on the first try.

Rudy fucking loves horchata.

The Vaqueros have a tradition of writing stuff with their fingers in the dust on each others' vehicles. Rudy always leaves little positive affirmations with a little heart, Alejandro likes to put 'wash me!' or a dad-like 'Stop slacking!' They joke it's the Vaquero messaging board. Someone has recently taken up drawing penises but no one will admit to it. After the 141 left Los Almas, Alejandro discovered their signatures and a 'thanks for the food! :^)' on the back of his truck. He cherished it.

Price keeps sharpies on him as a general rule of thumb for labelling/directions, but sometimes they explode and get all over his vest. It doesn't happen often but when it does he makes a great show of annoyance. Laswell thought he was shot once when a red pen got its ink all over him.

Gaz hates cacti and when he was informed about jumping cacti (from Alejandro, who made them out like they jump up and grab you from the ground) he started pulling his socks much higher on his legs. However, he goes apeshit the cactus fruit candies Rudy shares with him.

Gaz took one of Price's sharpies and wrote his name on Rudy's football, along with a little sketch of a cat face. Rudy pretends to be mad about it, but he can't hide his smile. It's an old ball and already has tons of scribbles on it from when he and Alejandro were younger.

Ghost misses Paul. She did seem to like him when they'd pass by in Los Almas. Soap agrees she was a good cat, and they're both thrilled when they receive a message through Price from Alejandro informing them that she had kittens.

#call of duty #modern warfare 2 #john soap mactavish #alejandro vargas #rudolpho parra #john price #simon ghost riley

[ruthlesslistener]

All this talk of breeding kink has resolved not one but TWO things in my brain.

First was cementing why it's kink. As far as I can tell there's not an easy line between kink and non-kink and it seems more related to what society counts as "normal" or not. Which in that view I kept thinking, well wouldn't reproduction be the most "normal" as it's the "point" (evolutionarily) of sex, and humans do in fact keep reproducing? Which just led to my brain spinning in circles on how arbitrary such definitions are.

And well. Okay I actually didn't resolve the arbitrary aspect, but it does make more sense how it would play out ask kink if the sorta fantasy aspect of breeding is disconnected to actual want for that.

Which led me to my second revelation of why I often (not always) find breeding kink stuff so disappointing. As someone who wants kids/pregnancy XDDDD And all I could think was "why don't you want to follow through" in such works. The worst offenders being tagged breeding and then not even....mentioning such a thing at all...(okay maybe that's just a tagging/bad writing problem).

Anyway I just enjoyed reading your thoughts. Made me think.

Yeah this sort of discussion really is deeply fascinating- its part of the reason why I'm so interested in sex from a scientific perspective, but it makes talking about it hard because of societal limitations (ie, rn I'm worried I'll be called a pedophile for exposing minors to discussions about sex, but since I'm just discussing it in a non-arousing context + clearly don't want to fuck kids I'mma file that away as my OCD being cruel to me). Thing is, it really is fascinating how it makes our brains tick! There's all sorts of papers by sexologists out there that talk about how its like a completely separate part of your brain from your logic center or something similar (been a while since I read any of those papers, so don't take this at face value), which is why you can have people like me who are repulsed by the idea of getting pregnant for various reasons but have a breeding kink. You're very literally not you when you're horny! The reason why I was musing about breeding kinks potentially being an evolutionary 'trick' to get people to have more kids is because it's one of the most common ones out there, despite lots of people not wanting to get pregnant- because its disconnected from the logic system and is way closer to 'instinct' than most other of our desires

The way I define 'kink' myself is some aspect integrated into sex that makes it a whole lot more arousing to an individual, but is not necessarily a commonality across individuals (and is separate from a fetish because its typically sexual in nature, whereas fetishes oftentimes don't seem to be tied to sex at all). Like, for example, people who are attracted to penises are, across the board, probably going to become aroused by seeing an erect dick, and watching people having sex is arousing even if you yourself are not attracted to either person in the picture. That's not a kink. But stuff like breeding, cuckholding, etc are, because while they're common as a source of arousal, they're not shared by everyone in the population. Though I do think that what you mentioned about there being a blurry line defined by societal rules def. does play a factor into it, because a lot of the super popular/common kinks are directly linked to what is seen as 'taboo', like nonmonogamy or public sex (I believe there's been extensive research on why rape kinks among afab people are so common, for example, and it's because society looks down on female sexuality so much that it's a way of uncoupling the person's shame at being horny from the actual scenario that arouses them- they cannot be 'impure' if they had no agency in what happened to them. Which is probably why someone like me, who thinks arousal is the stupidest thing to shame someone for, doesn't see the appeal at all. But that's a direct tie between social expectations and kink). Idk, the psychology of it is really fucking cool and I highly recommend checking out papers written on it sometime!!

As for why some fics get tagged as breeding kink without any mention of breeding itself- my guess is that because its so widespread of a kink that people's opinions on what constitutes it ranges anywhere from 'not stopping until the person is confirmed pregnant and then some' to 'unprotected PIV sex'. The former of which is what the definition should be imo, the latter which is the way more boring and vanilla option that you probably ran into

#nsft topic #sex as a biological/evolutionary study is actually deeply fascinating bc its where things get *weird* #because its a huge arms race competition #but its not one that is necessarily lethal- like fleeing from predators or stalking prey #which is how you end up with birds of paradise or deeply complex social rituals like what humans do #and then all the little non-innate things in between- like men ejaculating more sperm when watching another man have sex #(which is believed to be indirect male-male competition) #shits cool!! its really cool!! #anon #reply

[piduai]

Cinematograph: Another Story

Asirpa: Alright, let us film the next story about Panampe and Penampe.

Sugimoto: Eeeh, are we doing that vulgar stuff again? Don't you have anything else?

Shiraishi: I'm with Sugimoto on this one! It sure would be nice if there were any, like, sorrowful love stories that pull at your heartstrings that we could shoot.~

Tanigaki: Sugimoto and Shiraishi are right. Haven't we had enough stories in which someone just stupidly dies in the end, Asirpa?

Asirpa: Fine, fine, I get it! Listen here, you'll definitely love the next one.

So, a summary:

One day, while Panampe was down at the river setting up a fish trap, he saw a penis sticking out of it.

Sugimoto: Just why?!

Asirpa: When Panampe asked if he should pick it up with his hand, it shook its neck in disagreement. When he asked if he should pick it up with his mouth, the penis nodded.

Shiraishi: Ouch... I hate this so much...

Asirpa: So Panampe put it in his mouth and went home, and when he went to sleep, he left it by his pillow. And at night, in the darkness, a scuttling sound shook up the entire house. When Panampe woke up in the morning, his house was full of treasure, and the penis has disappeared...

Seeing Panampe living so lavishly, Penampe has come to inquire how he managed to come by his riches. After hearing his story, Penampe has pissed and shitted a little all over the entrance of Panampe's house, and ran away.

Sugimoto: What the hell are you doing, Penampe?!

Asirpa: In the same manner, when Penampe was setting up a fish trap at the river, he saw a penis sticking out of it. So he asked how he should pick it up. When he asked whether he should pick it up with his hand, it shook its neck. When he asked whether he should use his mouth, it nodded.

Sugimoto: Don't you be nodding, that's fucking disgusting!

Asirpa: Penampe flipped his lid, grabbed that penis and blew it out of the water and onto the riverside, and has proceeded to kick and roll it on the ground until he got home. And at night, in the darkness, a scuttling sound shook up the entire house. Penampe woke up in the morning with a big grin on his face, but when he looked around... His house was full of various penises scattered everywhere in great amount.

Shiraishi: That's hell...

Asirpa: And no matter how he'd try to clean it up, new penises just kept falling on him. He exhausted himself out and died. Penampe died a stupid death.

Sugimoto: So he died after all.

Shiraishi: Which part of this was a heart-wrenching love story?!

Sugimoto: Does this Ainu story really exist, anyway?

Asirpa: Of course it does. It's an Ainu story passed down from generation to generation from long ago. It wasn't me who made it up.

Sugimoto: You sure?

Shiraishi: No, wait, but why can't it be made up? Not about Panampe and Penampe, but a new story made up by you, Asirpa-chan.

Asirpa: By me?

Sugimoto: Shiraishi, you sure know what to say! Hey, the stories of Panampe and Penampe were made up by someone too, right? So it's fine if it's something that you, as an Ainu, have come up with, Asirpa-san! It just has to be about the Ainu! If it's a story that can be passed down from Ainu to Ainu for a hundred, two hundred years, it's bound to become a real part of Ainu culture!

Asirpa: I see! Since I'm a new age Ainu, I can just make a new Ainu story!

Shiraishi: Exactly!

Asirpa: Alright! Sergeant Tsukishima, come here and write down the story I'm about to come up with!

Tsukishima: Hm? Why me?

Koito: Just shut up and do it, Sergeant Tsukishima!

Asirpa: Okay, here I go... Once upon a time, at a certain place, there was a giant penis...

Sugimoto: Hold on. Just let Panampe and Penampe go! Haven't we decided that you're going to make up a new story from scratch?

Asirpa: Easy for you to say... Alright, Sugimoto, you help me out then.

Sugimoto: Huh? Me? Hmmm... Well... Alright, as the setting, first of all... On one night, a gleaming vessel has descended from the skies. On it lived a family of bizarre Kamuy. The child Kamuy comes down and gets lost. It's left behind in the human world.

Asirpa: Yeah, that's good. What next?

Sugimoto: And by chance, he meets an Ainu boy. They become friends, but since that Kamuy has a weird appearance, they need to steer clear of adults and keep it hidden.

Shiraishi: What would a Kamuy with a weird appearance look like?

Sugimoto: Ugh, well... Uhhhh... Let me see... It'd be stark naked, its face and body covered in creases like on Asirpa-san's mouth, it'd have no hair, its legs would be very short, and its arms and neck would be very long.

Asirpa: That'd be a strange Kamuy indeed.

Sugimoto: The Meiji government officials hear of that Kamuy, and they want to catch and study it. But the Ainu children and the Kamuy run away on a dugout canoe!

Asirpa: That's so interesting! What next?

Sugimoto: They're about to get caught, but the canoe takes flight! With the help of the powers of that creature! And they fly over the big, round moon!

*he starts singing the theme song of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial*

Asirpa: I like that it has extraordinary powers! What if it could heal people's wounds just by touching them?

Sugimoto: That sounds like a beautiful scene! The boy hurts his finger, and the Kamuy...

Asirpa: Grows a penis out of the wound, and its tip is shining!

*she also starts singing the theme song of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial*

Sugimoto: Wait a second! Why are we back to Panampe and Penampe?!

Asirpa: Oh, we can't?

Sugimoto: Haven't we just agreed to cease the dirty stuff?! Why can't we make this a nice, lovely story!

Shiraishi: You know, when I think about it, something bald, with a long neck, that looks like a naked granny, it sounds pretty gross in the first place. It's disgusting and nobody would want to look at that.

Sugimoto: Oh, is that so?

Narrator: Sugimoto, however, had a premonition!

Shiraishi: But if it was something more fun, it would become known from word of mouth and lots of people would want to watch it. Nobody wants to look at a gross little creature. Asirpa-chan's goal here is to make people at large aware of Ainu culture as a means of leaving something behind, right?

Asirpa: Shiraishi is right. Isn't there anything else? Hey, Second Lt. Koito, you think of something, too.

Koito: Me? Hmm... Let's see... What if the Kamuy was cuter? With fluffy fur, a round shape. A very cute creature.

Sugimoto: Like Tanigaki?

Koito: No, no, I mean something smaller, a cat-like thing. Also... Alright. It's something the main character's Father buys for him as a gift. In Hakodate, which is full of foreigners, in a sketchy shop.

Asirpa: Good, good, then what?

Koito: But there's three rules for keeping that Kamuy in the house. Rules you can't break no matter what.

Asirpa: And those rules are?

Koito: First, it cannot abide light. If it gets exposed to the sun, it dies.

Asirpa: Oh, that's an interesting Kamuy.

Koito: Second rule is that it can't come near water.

Sugimoto: Does it die?

Koito: No, it doesn't die, but... It multiplies. It becomes two!

Shiraishi: From even one drop?

Koito: That's right! It multiplies from even one drop of water!

Sugimoto: So if you dropped it into a lake or something it would have been great trouble.

Koito: Obviously!

Tsukishima: Would it multiply even if it got a bit of its own pee on its leg?

Koito: Pee?! I'm telling you it's water! Pee is not water.

Tsukishima: Since it doesn't get triggered if there's impurities present, won't it not multiply if it comes in contact with lake water, which is full of impurities?

Koito: Shut up, Tsukishima!

Asirpa: Just ignore him and go on, Second Lt. Koito!

Koito: Hmpf. Third rule is that you cannot feed it after midnight.

Shiraishi: What happens if you do?

Koito: It transforms into a monster. It becomes a ferocious beast that attacks humans!

Sugimoto: That does sound cool!

*theme song of Gremlins starts playing*

Tsukishima: Please wait a second. What if it starts eating right before midnight, chews the food thoroughly, and the clock strikes 12 just as it passes through its throat? What then?

Koito: Uh!... Well...

Tsukishima: What if there's some food stuck between its teeth, and it manages to get it out and swallow it after midnight? Does it transform into a monster in that scenario?

Koito: What an annoying bastard... You're really one for nitpicking, Tsukishima!

Sugimoto: It does seem that the setting is a bit complicated... The audience could have trouble keeping up with a convoluted story.

Koito: Ugh...

Tanigaki: Can I try, too?

Shiraishi: Ooh, Tanigaki Genjirou-chan! You thought of something, too?

Tanigaki: How about this? One day, an astronomer was observing the sky and noticed that a big asteroid was approaching...

Sugimoto: An asteroid? Oh, that sounds like a grand story.

Tanigaki: The government officials fall into a panic and try to come up with ways of the military shooting it down, but they fail. It's huge, so it can't be broken apart. If that asteroid manages to hit the Earth, it will surely wipe humanity out.

Koito: So? What do they do?

Tanigaki: So they ask the coal miners for help. They figure that if they manage to dig a whole and put explosives there, they could blow it up. It's the same as using dynamite to blow up the ground when mining for coal.

Sugimoto: Oh, I see, they want to blow it up from the inside.

Tanigaki: The miners jump onto the meteor, and start digging...

Tsukishima: And how exactly do they manage to get on that meteor, Private First Class Tanigaki?

Tanigaki: Huh? Um... Maybe they use a hot air balloon or something...

Tsukishima: Well then that would be impossible! A hot air balloon can only go as far as there is air. There is absolutely no way it could approach an asteroid, that comes shooting straight from space like a bullet. No way.

Tanigaki: Ugh... Well, what about shooting the coal miners onto the meteor using a giant cannon?

Asirpa: What if there was an extended penis? Everyone straddles it and shoots right into the sky...

*she starts singing the theme song of Armageddon*

Sugimoto: Asirpa-san, just forget about Panampe and Penampe.

Tsukishima: So that's a no for Tanigaki, too. The premise itself is so ridiculous you can't even focus on the story. Not captivating at all. Go back to Akita.

Tanigaki: Oh... I see...

Koito: And are you able to come up with anything, Sergeant Tsukishima?

Tsukishima: What? Me?

Koito: Obviously! You think of something too, instead of turning down everything! Even a moron can sit around and criticize something someone else has made!

Tsukishima: Well... Alright... What about the main character being... a young, poor... painter? He... manages to get hold of the cheapest ticket on a luxurious ferry ride, and is on his way back to his homeland. On the same boat there's a beautiful woman who is being forced into a marriage with an arrogant upper class guy. She doesn't want that marriage, so she tries to kill herself by jumping into the night sea... But she's saved by the main character, and the two of them fall in love.

Sugimoto: Oh my, that does sound lovely!

Shiraishi: What next, what next? Tell me more!

*theme song of Titanic starts playing*

Tsukishima: But the boat hits an iceberg, and as the passengers notice that they've started gradually sinking, the situation on board becomes dire.

Tanigaki: That's rough...

Tsukishima: As the giant boat fills with water, the two are desperate for a way to save themselves...

Koito: And then? What next? What happens to them, Tsukishima?!

Tsukishima: The boat gets split in two, and sinks... They're thrown into the freezing winter ocean.

Shiraishi: No way! How could that happen...

Tsukishima: The main character manages to put his girlfriend on a broken floating door and save her, but, as he loses all his strength due to the cold, he succumbs to his death, sinking into the freezing dark water... After that, the woman calls herself by the dead painter's surname in order to avoid that dreaded marriage, and the story ends with her, all old now, telling everyone this tale.

Sugimoto: *while sobbing* What a tragic, beautiful thing! They will come! They will all come to watch it! You're the best, Sergeant Tsukishima!

Asirpa: Woudn't it be better if the woman rode the main character's enormous testicles instead?

Sugimoto: I told you to stop bringing up Panampe and Penampe, damn it!!

Asirpa: The painter was a tanuki in disguise! Wouldn't it be better if his balls became huge and everyone survived?

Shiraishi: That would be awful, actually. You're ruining it, Asirpa-chan!

Koito: What is that...

Tanigaki: Horrible...

Asirpa: Well, anyway, this whole thing has nothing to do with the Ainu, so it's a no from me. You lot really have no eye for this thing at all.

*everyone is upset*

Asirpa: Alright, now back to Panampe and Penampe...

#golden kamuy #noda satoru #drama cd #translation