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#thanks for asking and letting me ramble!
softinvasions · 5 months
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I stumbled across your Orestia poem and happened to have seen the exact production the program was for which is very cool (can tell bc font and vocabulary), now I'm curious how you source your material for your found poetry, is it just stuff you come across in life or is it more purposeful?
Oh wow! A large chunk of the cast and crew have also found the poem and have been very excited about it in my notes, haha. I plan to go to the next production that company does (I had to miss the most recent one due to disabilities), and I'll be asking for an extra program to chop up, so if you see me (look for the hyperrealistic cat ears, gold cane, and an outfit that looks like I lost a fight with a clothing store), feel free to say hi! I'll be there with my girlfriend.
It's a bit of a mix—I also collage, so I have a pretty hefty stack of national geographic magazines. Most of the time I use anything that catches my eye, or that I have a particular interest in. I find that shorter texts are easier to work with as opposed to using a whole magazine (my dear mutual @plasmapop has done some incredible stuff with entire magazines; go check out his work!), so I like to cut up individual articles, or work exclusively with captions, etc. I also just use any text that I can find, such as flyers, handouts, programs, even my hospital discharge papers—the joy of found poetry is that you can make poetry from anything, if you're looking to.
The poetry comes from the text; when I chop up a text and rearrange it, I'm really focused on how the new poem relates back to/is in dialogue with what it transforms. In that sense, it's deliberate, but it's less so that I "choose" a text for a poem and more that I read something and go, "aha! I can make something out of this!" Other times I do actively look for something, but this happens almost exclusively with wikipedia articles. Two examples that aren't wiki article poems are these two older poems, where I knew I wanted to write poetry for NieR: Automata, and wanted to use text that appeared within the game.
With the Oresteia program poem, it was a mix of both—I knew walking in that I was probably going to cut up the program, but I wasn't sure what direction to take it in, outside of writing about greek tragedy. As you probably know, there's a bit of irony in taking a director's note that talks about breaking cycles and transforming it into a poem about inescapable narrative. The point where I understood the direction I wanted was when I had written the first draft of the first couplet:
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which came to me very quickly; you can probably check this on your own copy of the program, but while I was cutting it into lines, my eyes jumped immediately from "You can't" to "go home," and I knew that that was going to be my opening and the point the poem returned to.
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In issue # 110 of Nightwing (1996), why did Dick look irritated (and clench his fist) when Tim told him that Bruce considered adoption (which Tim rejected obvs), especially since Tim's dad was killed (and Dick knows that)?
ANON YOU HAVE ASKED ABOUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE ISSUES OF NIGHTWING OF ALL TIME <333
Very short answer: it's the trauma
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So the thing is, this is a heartbreaking issue that requires a lot of footnoting, because the emotional undercurrents are BIG and POWERFUL but the dialogue is deliberately understated?? and Dick and Tim are often not saying what they mean?? or just straight-up lying to each other?? and they're TALKING PAST EACH OTHER because
they both suck at communication
they are not even TRYING to communicate their actual problems - like, if Tim straight-up said, "A bunch of people I love are dead and I keep having nightmares about how it's my fault and I'm guilty and miserable and lonely and avoiding Bruce and I came to your city because I was reeling and I missed you and I didn't know what else to do and now I'm scared you're mad at me," that would crack through Dick's determination to keep his distance because Dick's whole thing here is based on the conviction that Tim is fine, but of course Tim doesn't say any of that, and Dick can't read his mind. And Dick's not quite as determined a liar as Tim so Tim is able to figure out a little more of what's going on with Dick vis-a-vis insecurities, but Tim's still completely missing what a colossal mess Dick is right now, and again: this is because he's not a mind-reader and Dick doesn't tell him! And doesn't want to tell him! And doesn't want him to know! So Tim thinks that Dick's maybe acting this way because he's mad at Tim, and he tries to solve the problem from that angle, even though that's not at all what's going on and actually Dick's miserable and traumatized and mad at himself
I love it so much
So the short-ish answer to your question is, Tim's correctly guessed at some of Dick's insecurities here. Dick's not mad that Tim's in the city, but Tim's right that the adoption was a big deal to Dick, and he's right that Dick's a little threatened by the idea of Tim getting adopted too. (This wouldn't normally be the case! But Dick was kinda uneasy about Tim in the early days when his own relationship to Bruce felt very shaky, and right now Dick's feeling like he's lost Bruce again, and when he's insecure about himself he tends to slide into seeing Tim as a rival - both in vigilante terms and in terms of a connection to Bruce.)
And probably the main reason Dick's so stunned - and a bit angry - here is because Bruce didn't tell him, and although this is very different from Bruce not telling him about adopting Jason... it's still jabbing at those old wounds.
BUT THE LONGER ANSWER is important! Dick loves Tim, a lot!! SO MUCH. He watches Tim sadly from a distance and thinks about how much he loves him in this very comic! So why isn't Dick more enthusiastic about the potential adoption? Why is he skulking around in alleys being miserable and self-destructive and avoiding Tim so determinedly that Tim's convinced he's offended Dick somehow? What's going on???
Well, Dick's life has been imploding.
So to really answer your question, we have to back up a bit and get the context of what's going on with Dick and Tim prior to this comic.
I started writing about this and it got way out of hand, so below please find a guide to my four-part manifesto about Nightwing 110 and what's going on and why I think it's great:
Background: Dick + Tim + Trauma Conga Lines
Background: War Games Aftermath
Nightwing 110
Fix-It Fic Ideas
rambling manifesto is below the cut
Background: Dick + Tim + Trauma Conga Lines
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Images: a reporter is shot and killed in front of Dick in N 93; a few days later, Darla is shot and killed in front of Tim in R 129; a blood-covered Dick turns from Blockbuster's body in N 93; a blood-covered Tim stares at his father's body in IC 6
Timeline-wise, we're in The Bad Year for Dick and Tim. Dick's life has been FALLING APART. Blockbuster figured out his secret identity and started murdering his entire supporting cast: Blockbuster hired someone to attack Haly's Circus, blew up Dick's entire apartment building, and shot a reporter in front of Dick. In the climactic confrontation, Catalina Flores killed Blockbuster and raped Dick.
More or less simultaneously in War Games, Tim's life has ALSO been falling apart and his supporting cast has been getting gruesomely murdered. In quick succession, Jack figured out Tim's secret and Tim had to quit, Steph got hired and fired as Robin; Steph accidentally started a gang war; Darla got shot and killed in front of Tim during the gang war; Steph got killed by Black Mask; and Jack Drake got killed by Captain Boomerang.
It's a grimdark time in DC comics.
Background: War Games Aftermath
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Dick's slowly recovering in the Manor as Bruce recaps recent events to him (Batman 634)
Now, Dick's actually part of War Games - very briefly. A day or two after Blockbuster's death, Bruce calls Dick for help, and Dick comes to Gotham. Dick and Tim briefly interact but Gotham is in flames, they're both freaking out, and they don't really help each other - Tim tries to tell Dick about Darla, and Dick shuts him down (not realizing Darla is actually Tim's friend); Dick has a panic attack in front of Tim and Tim drags him out of danger but gets snappish instead of worried.
AND THEN, midway through the gang war, Dick gets shot in the leg and ends up in a coma for a while. By the time he's recovered enough to wake up and walk around, Steph's dead, Jack's dead, the funerals are over, and Tim - who's avoiding Bruce - has moved to Blüdhaven.
Here's Dick trying to get answers out of Alfred in Nightwing 99 (Alfred and Bruce aren't telling him anything, either because they can't stand to talk about it or because they're worried about impeding his recovery):
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Somewhere around here - presumably whenever he first learns about Jack's death? - Dick calls Tim, who doesn't pick up, in IC 7:
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In Nightwing 99, it's implied that Dick leaves the Manor almost as soon as he wakes up, after confronting Bruce:
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Dick can't bring himself to confess Blockbuster's death, but obliquely admits his own distress: "…Bruce, I'm lost." Bruce wants to solve things by throwing themselves into The Mission in Gotham: "It's just you and me again, Dick. But there's plenty of work to do." As he talks, Dick grabs his crutches and leaves. He confronts Catalina, arrests her, and tries to turn himself in... but Amy doesn't let him. As he's walking out, angry at Amy and at himself, a prisoner offers him a card.
Meanwhile, in the Batcave, Alfred's stunned to discover that Dick's abandoned his costume:
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In Nightwing 107, we learn that Dick has ditched everything and apparently joined the mob - or is he undercover? Dick ultimately comes up with justifications for what he's doing, but a lot of what he's doing is punishing himself and hiding from his life. He's in Detroit for a while, but then has to go back to Blüdhaven, where he sees Tim...
...and now we're caught up with Nightwing 110.
Nightwing 110
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I haven't had a chance to see Robin in action since the beginning of the gang wars in Gotham. It seems like just yesterday he was an earnest little computer geek too smart for his own good. He's still too smart for his own good and he can still kick butt with a search engine, but now he's a full-fledged superhero, to boot. Wonder if he knows how good he is? Not just at the fighting, but at keeping the whole thing on his terms. That's really hard to do, and Tim - he's been through so much, and weathered it so well.
Dick's been staying mostly in Detroit rather than Blüdhaven for various reasons, but one very important one is that he's been avoiding Tim.
Dick and Tim's relationship always suffers when Dick's self-worth issues get in the way, and this is probably the most dramatic moment AND IT'S SO SAAAAAD *wails*
From very early on, Dick has had a very high opinion of Tim, and - like Bruce's conviction that "you're better than me, Dick" - this is
very heartwarming and an expression of Dick's faith in Tim
very important to Tim, who tries really hard to impress Dick and (like Dick) hangs a lot of his self-worth on being needed and useful
a source of many sweet moments
but also
a source of problems in their relationship, because Dick's high opinion of Tim and low opinion of himself means he consistently underestimates how important he is to Tim, wonders if Tim would be better off without him, and sometimes thinks that keeping his distance is good for Tim so that Dick doesn't bring him down... and meanwhile Tim interprets Dick's distance as disapproval or hostility
When Dick's down on himself, he'll continually compare himself unfavorably to Tim - Tim questions more, Tim's better with Bruce, Tim's got better computer skills, etc. etc.
And that's what's happening here, when Dick watches Tim fight from a distance:
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Dick: Still, Timmy played it through nice and clean. Disarmed the perps, protected and avoided the cops, kept any civilians from being shot... God, I love that kid. Too much to let him see me like this.
This isn't a neutral assessment of Tim's skills. This is Dick castigating himself. The implication is: Tim plays it nice and clean, Tim kept civilians from getting shot... unlike me. Elsewhere in this arc, Dick's been convinced that he's "poison."
He can't bear to see Tim because he's certain he'll only bring Tim down.
... There's a problem with his plan, though. Tim's spotted him.
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Narrator voice: they were not okay
I LOVE THIS PANEL SO MUCH
Tim spots Dick before he can sneak away, and chases after him. At first he tries to tease light-heartedly - "Look at you! Back on your feet!" - but when Dick looks away grim-faced, Tim sobers and we get a bit more of his actual worries. (Tim will sometimes fake cheerfulness when under stress - both Babs and his friends comment on this in War Games and in Teen Titans.)
Now they catch up. Tim asks Dick if he's okay. (Dick says he is. He's not.) Where he's staying. ("Some people" are the mobster family.) Dick asks Tim how his step-mom is. (Tim says she's okay. She's not. She's had a breakdown.) How school's going. (Tim says school's okay too. Actually, he's dropped out.)
And now at last we've looped back to the panels at the top! Dick tries to retreat, and Tim - convinced that Dick is mad at him, which is really not the case - tries to figure out if Dick is mad at him for coming to Blüdhaven without permission, or about Bruce's offer of adoption. (Tim's self-worth issues mean that Tim's convinced that Dick is mad at him about something, as opposed to the truth, which is that Dick is spiraling and it has nothing to do with Tim.)
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Dick (turning away): We - we shouldn't be talking like this. Tim (fake-cheer, acting as if Dick means "we shouldn't be talking with you in costume and me out-of-costume"): Well, go get your gear! Dick: I can't do that. Tim (more serious now): You're not mad I'm, like, in your city or anything? Dick (shocked): NO! No. I'm honored. You have more of a right to be here than I do. Tim: Is it the adoption thing? Dick: The what? Tim: 'Cause I was a little worried about that. That's kinda part of why I said no. I mean, that and the uncle thing. I was just thinking it wasn't really all that long since he officially adopted you, which was kind of a big deal, emotionally or whatever, and to me you're like totally his son and I don't wanna step on that or anything.
Dick (whirling): What are you talking about, Tim? Bruce is going to adopt you? Tim (hands up): No! I mean, he was. But he's not now. I've got this uncle… So I don't need, you know, anything really… from Bruce, or… You, uh. You didn't know. I'm sorry, I figured he would've talked to you about it or something. Dick (turning away, jumping off the balcony): Yeah, right. Fat chance. Tim: Well anyway, it's not gonna happen, so you don't have to worry about it... right?
Dick's unnerved by the adoption offer mostly because it drives home his distance from Bruce - he didn't know Bruce was offering this, and since Dick's been thinking of himself as Estranged from Everyone Forever, it feels like Tim joining Bruce's family - replacing Dick - instead of Tim joining Dick's family. So he reacts badly - EVEN THOUGH!!! AGAIN!!! DICK LOVES TIM A LOT!!!
So Dick emphasizes the distance he's trying to create: tells Tim that whatever he does is up to him and Bruce, not Dick, because Dick's withdrawing from everything. Actually, Tim should forget that he ever knew Dick:
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Dick (pulls his hood up, turns away): Look, Timmy, I'm sorry. I don't care what he does. If he can be of help to you, you should take him up on it. I wish I could offer to help you myself, but I can't. I'm not part of this anymore. This whole thing… I'm out. Tim: Yeah, right… Dick: From now on, it'd be better if you forgot you ever knew me. Tim (echoing what Dick said): ...Fat chance.
Tim's hurt by this, and he's been pretty oblivious about what's going on with Dick, but he's not an idiot, and after a moment of hesitation he correctly figures out from this ramble what Dick's not saying, which is that Dick's feeling like he's worthless to Bruce, that Bruce doesn't value him, that he's lost that relationship. So Tim impulsively tries to reassure him that Bruce does need him... but Dick's in a lousy headspace and it doesn't work:
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Dick's walking away. Tim chases after him again. Tim: Hey, uh-! Remember how I once told you that Batman needed a Robin? Well, that's still true, but even more than that, he…he needs you. You know, not like every second or whatever, but at the end of the day, he needs to know you're still on his side. It's…important. Dick kicks over a newspaper stand. Dick (glaring): YOU- ! - you have no idea how much of my life I've wasted believing that was true. Dick pulls up his hood again and walks away.
(Side-note: forever wonderful to me that both Dick and Tim use "need" as a synonym for "love." Issues: they have them.)
Fix-It Fic Ideas
I have spent a lot of time thinking about potential fix-it fics for this comic (TRAGICALLY AFAIK NO ONE HAS WRITTEN ANY, FEEL FREE TO BE THE FIRST). An idea that I offer free to a good home:
A bit after Dick leaves, Tim winds up in trouble and gets injured and Dick has to rescue him (how does Dick find out about it? I dunno)
Tim's injured so naturally Dick's gonna take him back to his home with his stepmom and/or uncle
. . . except the uncle is an actor and not a very convincing one; Tim's entire edifice of lies collapses
Dick realizes that Tim is not actually weathering things well
Dick still thinks that he's poison and terrible and awful and (insert self-hating monologue here) BUT Tim living on his own after his dad is murdered is so bad as far as Dick's concerned that clearly SOME kind of intervention is necessary
Tim insists he does not need an intervention
Dick's sense of responsibility and worry over Tim now force him to carve out time from his major project of hate-myself-and-feel-bad to try to look out for Tim
Dick insists that Tim stay with him until his stepmom is better
They share an apartment for a while
They are both still super-super-super traumatized
???
eventual hugs and healing on both sides
profit
Alternate fix-it:
Tim follows Dick back to the Tevis' house like the little stalker he is, and then introduces himself in disguise as Alvin Draper
Dick's furious and frustrated but can't do much about this without screwing up his own disguise
Tim's determined to figure out what's going on with Dick partly for altruistic reasons and partly because he's also running from his own life, but Dick doesn't figure out the second part until way later
Dick's so frustrated with Tim being here when Dick told him to go - plus wrapped up in wondering what Tim knows, and being paranoid about what he might figure out, and hating being observed - that it takes him a while to start wondering questions like, "wait, shouldn't Tim be in school"
Dick and Tim are pretending not to know each other - or pretending to have a hostile relationship, or something - so any real conversations have to be in snatches in secret
Dick tries to bluff/threaten Tim into leaving (for his own good!!) but it doesn't work
Slow crawl toward mutual awareness of trauma which they're both super-self-conscious about - Dick hears Tim crying at night; Tim hears Dick's nightmares or sees another panic attack
??
At some point it becomes increasingly obvious that they know each other / that their story about their relationship is fake, and when the mobsters confront them, Dick says yeah, he lied, actually Tim's his little brother, and he gives some kind of stylized version of the truth which doubles as an emotional speech to Tim who gets all choked up and hugs him
and it's very touching and emotional because remember Tim HASN'T been adopted so they're NOT brothers and Tim was worried maybe Dick didn't WANT to be brothers but Dick CONSIDERS him a brother so ;_;
??? i don't know what happens next. do they quit the mob? does Dick now explain his mob-infiltration plan to Tim?
meanwhile off-panel Bruce stops Deathstroke from blowing up Blüdhaven, well done Bruce
oh wait or maybe Cass does??
anyway Dick and Tim have hugged so then there's a happy ending
In Conclusion
IN CONCLUSION Dick and Tim should hug more and this comic proves it. Look at them! They both need hugs! They're standing so close to each other! THEY ARE MIRROR IMAGES OF TRAUMA AND BAD COPING MECHANISMS they need each other and they don't know how to say it - they want to help each other and they also don't know how to say it - they don't know how to talk to each other or to anyone else - Dick lashes out and Tim lies and they both isolate themselves and withdraw into depression loneliness even though they could help each other! and would want to help each other! but they won't ask for what they need because they don't think they deserve it and they don't realize how important they are to each other
i just think they're neat. i want to study them like bugs and rattle them around in a jar until all the masks come off and they can actually see each other clearly
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dayurno · 24 days
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what do u like about allison? not attacking u or anything she's just always fell flat to me and im open to enlightenment
shes funny to me :) i like that she's catty and entitled and insufferable, but that there are moments where it slips (namely grieving seth, but also offering herself up to be a confidante to neil, crumpling into renee after andrew hurts her) and we get to see that she's terrified of herself And others and that money could not buy her a sense of self nor a reasonable emotional framework. there are also small things about her that i just find endearing, like the few times where her and matt act like siblings (when the foxes get rained on and matt takes a picture of her looking soaked, much to her horror, and when jeremy shows the foxes his game plan for the semi finals and allison tugs incessantly at matts sleeve to let her see it) and her horrible betting problem, the way she knew neil caused seth's death but also knew she couldn't live her whole life with that grudge, her gossip habits, the way she desperately wants to fix everything with money (taking the foxes out to the cabins after neil got kidnapped always seemed like such an obvious attempt to soothe the team to me, but allison was not raised on affection and the only way she can conceive it is through what she can offer them in monetary terms + i'm reminded of the bit in the ec that allison keeps a trustfund for the foxes' children and that she pays for renee's child's medical bills) etc!
i do mean it when i say that allison and kevin are not all that different, and they have a very similar understanding (or lack thereof) of the way relationships work, but allison can be such a steorotype sometimes it's hard to allow ourselves to see her as anything but a tall hot glass of skank, whereas we naturally give kevin more nuance and space for humanity because we are taught to believe men are more capable of complexity than women. one of my favorite allison is kevin in a wig moments is the fact that allison's goal with seth ('to make a real man out of him', to give him something to live for, to make him want to achieve it) is exactly the same as kevin's goal with andrew
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vicsbasement · 2 months
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I think Carlos may have a soft spot for Charles and I'm not saying this because I ship them. Carlos is always so considerate and thoughtful with him and he always seems very attuned to his needs as well. I often think about Singapore last year, because that race was right after Monza and after Carlos' mother liked that tweet about Charles and honour; you could see there was a strange air surrounding them and Carlos was glued to Charles the whole weekend but in a very discreet manner, always making sure to give him enough space. He also didn't miss the opportunity to reassure Charles that he does like his teammate (during the fan meeting with the Alpine drivers) and you can see in the clip that Charles was visibly relieved. As for Charles, before the announcement (that's how we're gonna refer to it I guess) I too thought that Charles didn't care about Carlos as much as Carlos cares about him, but boy was I wrong… They both care about the other a whole lot and it will be hard to see them part ways at the end of the season
I'm with you on this 100%. You know, after the Monza incident there was so much speculation in fandom, and then Singapore happened and we were all like, running in circles because we thought Charles was furious. I even wrote a whole fic around it because I really felt the tension, and I wasn't the only one, the Monza thing awakened a lot of feelings in a lot of people 😂 But, funnily enough, it all went away soon after. Around that fan forum you mentioned and, for example, in COTA; they were all cozy around each other all over again. They were calling each other pet names, they did the lasso thing... I think they patched it all up right around Japan. I'm willing to bet Carlos apologized to Charles about his mother's faux pas. Because he's not his mother, and Charles knows this, but Carlos still wanted to make a point to apologize to him because it wasn't nice. Especially since both of them were very much enjoying their fight on track during Monza! I do believe that Carlos was a bit affronted but when he got out of the car and Charles was looking ecstatic, he just let it go. Immediately. He'd (we'd) never seen Charles behaving like that after a race, he was elated. Which shows us, once again, that Charles really loves Carlos as a teammate and as a competitor. He does see him as his ultimate rival, in the end what's the saying? Your teammate is your biggest competitor? And that's them. There's incredible amounts of respect between each other.
And they got closer, even, after COTA and after Qatar, I'm willing to bet. They looked so close in Mexico and Interlagos, and then Vegas... like the whole united front thing looked absolutely compelling and real. They were spending a lot of time off-track together, too. I think that after Monza, they had a lot of talks. Either about life or the team, (Charles does like to insist on telling us they talk about a lot more than work whenever they do spend time together off-track) and I firmly believe they reached a point in which their friendship bloomed. They probably found common ground somewhere and decided, well, if they fans are going to constantly pit us against each other, then let's show them how wrong they are. Unfortunately we didn't get much from Charles after Carlos got hurt during the Vegas practice, but still. He was close to Carlos. Very, very close, and they behaved really sweetly towards each other during that weekend and Carlos really did lament several times that he wasn't close to Charles on track to fight the Red Bulls because of the car. I don't know, anon, if at some point I was a Charlos believer now I'm a Charlos truther because they've shown me time and time again that they genuinely like each other. As people, as teammates, as rivals. They admire and respect each other! We can't forget (we'll never forget) that time Carlos admitted to following Charles' carreer in F2. It's etched into the collective brain of the Charlos fandom. So... Yeah. Carlos Sainz Jr. having a soft spot for Charles Leclerc and his pretty eyes? Checks out. Also: the fact that Charles lets Carlos be his touchy self with him when he wasn't this tactile with any of his previous teammates says... a lot about Carlos' magnetism and power of conviction. Because he never moves away or rejects him, he's always open and waiting for Carlos to touch him. So. It's a win in all fronts tbh.
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aimervee · 4 months
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AAAARGHH EVER SINCE YOU REVEALED PIPER TO EVENTUALLY EVOLVE INTO AN ESPEON… ITS GOT ME THINKING HOW THAT FITS SO WELL THEMATICALLY… Sun eeveelution…. Clementine’s dialogue about precious things correlating with the sun…. IT JUST FITS.
And on that note; do you think she’d have ‘Morning Sun’ as one of her movesets…? I JUST- WAA!! I LOVE THINKING ABT IT.
OH MY GOD FUJIIIIIII. YOU GET IT.
This is EXACTLY why I chose Espeon for Piper's evolution; I love the sunrise and sunset symbolism in the game SO much and I just had to choose the sun eeveelution to match it.
AND PARTNER'S DIALOGUE... YOU'RE SO RIGHT. Hero is the Partner's sun, and Piper is Clementine's sun as well. YOU'RE MAKING ME EMOTIONAL WITH THISSS
(And yes. YES she would absolutely have Morning Sun in her moveset ;) I'm so glad you made that connection)
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They are each other's sun your honor... (WAILS)
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carefulfears · 1 year
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“i owe you everything. scully, you owe me nothing” is one of the most insane pieces of dialogue ever written. It drives me out of my mind. It’s such a glimpse into mulders character and his idea of love
GODDD it really is, isn’t it?? she’s given her entire life to him, to following him. she’s lost time and health and family members. she's been pulled away, and clawed right back.
and the thing about it is, that she dedicated herself to him before she had skin in the game. before it was personal to her. she leaned against him in the rain and asked "where are we going?" and she followed, because she joined the FBI to help people, and she realized quickly that trying to help in the federal government, gets you to the basement.
she asked him where they were going and she followed to wherever the answer was because he saw her vulnerable and scared in that motel room and he wrapped her up and sat below her on the floor. she spends so much of season one wide-eyed looking up at him, asking him questions, watching him, taking in that wild goodness that she wants to be a part of.
and five years in, he stands in the hallway, and he tells her that she saved him. that she made him a whole person. that she owes him NOTHING. and all she can do is cry. like, literally all there is for her to do is look up at him with tears streaming down her face, and hold onto him. there's such grief in that moment. there’s such grief in being needed. in being absolved.
rob bowman directed that scene and he talked about the moment when scully comes to tell mulder that she's leaving, and she just turns around and runs for the elevator, and "she never makes it. this was her first mistake."
they may not owe each other anything, depending on who you ask, but they will give each other everything.
bowman continued, "she has made him feel not like an outcast, not like discarded FBI trash, but actually somebody that's worthy of her friendship. that, as he says, she's made him a whole person."
it's amazing that someone who has moved an educated doctor to give over her entire life to hunting aliens she doesn’t believe in, can see the world this way.
are we whole when alone? when down in the basement, when we’re not believed or listened to, when everyone is spooked?
is he whole when his last evidence of capability for connection and being loved, disappeared at 8 years old?
love, to mulder, is an empty room. it’s walking through fire, not because you have to, but because someone wants to see you burn. it’s stepping onto a porch in new england with open arms and being cut off with a sharp hand.
love, to mulder, is a responsibility. and spending the rest of your life atoning for the failure.
he owes her everything, even when she has one foot out the door. he asks for nothing in return.
she cries at the weight of it all, and she gets back up and follows.
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voidandabyssal · 4 months
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Okay, hoping this is allowed. In regards to Below the Ice, how do you think some of the other Sans' would react to Reader in the same situation? Say Red, Blue, Axe, or Dior? You don't have to answer for all of these if you don't feel like it!
Of course this is allowed! Such a good idea. Hopefully I read this right lol
Red:
Reds more aggressive than Sans. He's not an Orca Siren but a Bull shark Siren. Not exactly known for being cold and calculating. There's definitely more murder attempts, Red is also far more successful at killing off Readers co-workers. This is probably set off the coast of coast of mexico, lots of bull sharks and bull shark sirens congregate there.
He's also more openly flirty though, he's more aware of his feelings to reader than Sans is and he's not shy about checking you out ;)))
Initially, he thinks your just like the other scientists. Dumb, easily manipulatable and an easy meal. You quickly prove him wrong when you successfully manage to trap him under some falling rocks.
Boy does Red love a strong and smart partner. Something about being capable enough to take down an apex predator like him just does it for him.
The two of you get closer once he's under captivity, which is in this au, not for evil science purposes but more so for everyone's (including reds, safety). Once you're on more equal power dynamics you find him to be quite funny and charming when he needs to be.
He's pretty touchy as well, not to the point of it being uncomfortable. He just likes play fighting with you, or just holding onto you.
Blue:
He's a Dolphin Siren! you initially meet him when your scuba diving taking coral samples. He's friendly and inquisitive and all too helpful. Your other colleagues are jealous he approached you this time. Similar to Red, this doesn't take place in the arctic but instead somewhere off the coast of Australia, maybe the Great Barrier Reef.
Yeah, he's definitely known around the area for how kind he is. Tons of youtube videos have gone viral featuring him helping fishermen, scuba divers and even lost swimmers.
ngl, this is probably the best start to your relationship compared to any of the other boys
He often swims circles around you, trying to draw you from your work to play with him, solve puzzles and even tries to get you to meet his brother. Sometimes you relent, sometimes you don't, though you do build a strong friendship.
You fall first but he falls harder.
It just hits him one day. You and him are out swimming, you collecting important marine data and him following you around with a strange stirring in his soul that he can't quite place.
When he sees you helping a small fish out of a plastic bottle. That's when it hits him. He loves you. You're perfect
Axe:
hhrrrrrrgggg pretty human,,,,,,
eyes wide, jaw dropped, STARING,,,,
you first meet when you're out late night fishing. You had been warned of a Giant Pacific Octopus Siren that had recently started inhabiting the area but what did they know??? Certainly not more than you! You'd been fishing round these parts since you were a baby!
"....HOLY SHIT!" is what you screech out, dropping your fishing rod when you see Axe's bright red eye-light looking up from the murky deep.
Yeah you turn right back around and don't come back. Much to Axe's disappointment. Luckily for him, and unluckily for you, he has very long, very powerful tentacles that he uses to pull you into the water with him.
He doesn't drag you under of course, he's smart enough to figure out that you really don't like that.
He's already designated you his mate. Sorry, pal, you're just going to have to make do with the giant octopus Siren cuddling up to you now.
He does let you go eventually, though you do have to repeatedly promise him that you'll come back.
And you do, afraid that he'll come chase you down. Eventually it does come to be a mutually loving relationship, it just takes a little time.
Dior (lusttale Sans):
This time you're the one approaching him. You're a famous wildlife photographer and you have been craving that perfect, career making picture; and you know who you have to photograph.
Dior, a famous lionfish Siren, known for his striking beauty and his charming friendliness to everyone. He proves to be rather elusive. Hard to find, rarely ever in one spot as he's surrounded by many Siren admirers. But you're determined!
finally, after days of bashing up against sharp corals in your search, you find him! Dozing off on a large rock formation. You're steadying yourself for the perfect picture when you notice a much larger Siren sneaking up on Dior, teeth bared and claws sharpened.
"Look out!" You say, or at least try to say through all the bubbles. Dior does manage to wake up though, and quickly pokes the attacker with one of his many poisonous spines.
He thanks you, deciding to pose for you in thanks for you saving him.
When you leave, he assumes you'll never come back. He's too used to people leaving once they've gotten what they want out of him.
He's pleasantly surprised when you come back, without the camera, just wanting to know more about the beautiful but distant Siren.
He doesn't mean to fall as fast and as hard as he does, but being around someone so genuine is such a nice shock to his system he just can't help but fall for your smile.
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lilybug-02 · 5 months
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Greetings, it is I, a 13-year-old who, for lack of anything better to do, have decided to ask you, the Chara Timeline lady, for some life advice you think may serve me well, or at least not actively damage me. also you have a fantastic design for Kris, really captured their Kris essence.
Greetings 13 year old child. I thank you for your sweet Kris comments <3.
My 3 Tips of Advice For You <3
Be extremely careful with how much time you spend online. Like less than 1-3 hours a day. I became super addicted in Middle school and it worries me how much time I've spent online since then. Plus, as you get older, you are more likely to stay up late. It will be easier to use your tech at this time, so try not to get too into that habit! Read, watch t.v, build legos, count pennies, text friends, try to diversify :)
Be careful who you talk with online :) I know Stranger Danger is chiseled into most peoples heads, but if someone is older than you, is giving you the creeps, guilt tripping you into anything(drawing, roleplay, etc.), and/or trying to keep you on the app as long as possible. Ghost them or strait up block <3. You may feel guilty, but know you are never in the wrong. I had to go to the police one time regarding this. Talk with people you trust about the situation. It helps.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY! If you feel comfortable and safe with your parents or legal guardians, talk with them about your day! :))) I'm sure I don't have to tell you why that is so special <3
Bonus: I hope you enjoy school! :) It do be kinda wild sometimes, but it's fun to learn!
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mrscarmenbearzatto · 2 months
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Just thinking about that scene where Carmy’s telling Syd about how he was talking to Claire and decided to make his own cannoli…
And just like. Imagine reader is like a chef at the bear or something, and Carmy’s crushing on her, and she mentions her fav meal or dessert once.. he shows up like the next day telling syd he had this great idea for a new thing on the menu and it just happens to be that exact meal… and Syd is just like giving him knowing looks… 😂
(Also like imagine a matchmaking Syd like conveniently making sure reader and carmy get put in situations by themselves and stuff… like 😭🥰)
-🐻
oh my gosh stop IMAGINE:
you, marcus and carmy are in charge of the bear's dessert menu. carmy is basically just standing in the background watching you (and marcus but mostly you) stare at marcus' sketches. "shut up, *insert your favorite dessert*?! marcus you know i love that and you would kill at it, i'm voting for this one." (for some reason you said cannoli and im picturing a chocolate chip cannoli and oh my god i need to write a fic about this)
and then suddenly the next day carmen and sydney are staring at sketches of said dessert! and she's like "whats with the sudden interest in this?" and he's just like "i think a lot of people would love it" AND SHE GIVES HIM A LOOK. just the look that says im onto you
from then on, sydney may or may not throw you and carmen into rooms by yourselves together or giving you two the closing shifts together.
and she's not shocked when you and carmen announce you're dating a few weeks later.
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crystallizsch · 1 month
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I want the infodump on Jamil and Yuusha ma'am I beg
THIS HAS BEEN UNANSWERED FOR A MONTH IM SORRY AUGH
but thank you so much yes im okay im normal about them i’ll do my best (for context i mentioned in the tags of one of my posts a while back wanting to infodump about them, but i forget which one it was jfkdlsjhl anyways-)
this won't be a full info dump because i think that would somewhat restrict my dynamic of them if i put it all into words (if that makes sense) ;;;
and i realized i lowkey dont have a coherent timeline for them (yet); i just put them in random scenarios of what i think would be fun at the moment
to make up for it i'll also put a silly self-indulgent sketch dump all below ;;;
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I JUST REALIZED I DRAW THEM MAKING EYE CONTACT A LOT (bc something something there's a level of trust that jamil wont use his snake whisper on yuu anymore)
okay now for some random jamiyuu dynamics/hcs/lore
yuu fell first -> yuu lost feelings (bc why would you trust someone who took advantage you) -> ✨ then something happened ✨ -> jamil fell next but harder.
highkey disliked each other -and showed it- in the beginning bc of the whole scarabia drama; then an -accidental- act of service got them to think differently about one another. like "holy shit maybe they're not so bad after all???"
extremely slow burn.
very competitive with one another which then bled into their "flirting" / affectionate acts when they eventually became closer.
basically: “sweetheart” but rivalry -> “babe” but platonically -> “bro” but romantically pipeline.
(“are you flirting or starting a fight”)
yuu kinda throws around “love you” a lot, especially to her close friends; so -during their “platonic” stage- for some reason, jamil was the only “friend” she has not said this to. but it’s okay it’s not like jamil had referred to her as the “f-word” (friend) anyway.
had a mutual agreement that their romantic relationship is temporary because of yuu wanting to go home; they’re just going to “try it out” “no hard feelings”.
yuu made jamil promise to never use snake whisper on her ever again.
jamil: personal beef w/ bugs + afraid of them; yuu: personal beef w/ bugs (w/ a few exceptions) + not afraid of them, just generally pissed at their existence.
dancing and music lowkey became one of their love languages.
kalim genuinely became one yuu’s best friends because of how much they hit it off. jamil always third wheels them no matter the circumstance.
yuu loves grim more than jamil; jamil knows this very well. and so does grim.
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chimerahyperfix · 7 days
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You’re looking for something— no, someone, too, aren’t you?
(I can’t comprehend how you understand what’s going on, with your lifeless shell. Craft as you are.)
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#isat#in stars and time#live a live#isat loop#cube live a live#RAHHHHHH [COMBINES MY FIXATIONS]#behold my crack fic au. tiny robot in dormont#I’m cooking let me cook. cube has the little guy little dude vibes#and is also canonically like. a baby?#their chapter in the game happens the day they were finished#so. a baby.#cube is so <3. their chapter is a space horror#I would 100% recommend at least watching a video of it#IT GOES CRAZYYYYYY#pov flicking a card that says die child die at the floor. so#anyways. this au makes no sense to anyone but me#this is MY funny house and I’m going to play in it#worlds smartest baby [a robot] figures out timeloop shit before the party more at 2#if you ask I WILL ramble abt the concept of this au I will#<- trying desperately to get away from working on my other au post#[I need to draw smth for it and I’m struggling lollll]#sitting here like ughhh I don’t wanna draw this imageee [puts off entire au post]#ANYWAYSSSS#LOOP WOULD HATE THIS KID. the fuck is a robot.#the fuck is this damn thing and how has it read me literally immediately#how dare you be made of craft. be artificial. and be able to read my despair like a book#how dare you; a fake being made by someone else. be more human to me than the people that once were my party#how dare you want to help me when I dont know you because you didn’t EXIST in my loops#…but. uh. thanks for the coffee. even if I can’t drink it I recognize the sentiment. or whatever#falls to the floor dramatically. oughhhh loop and cube ougughhh
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izloveshorses · 2 months
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I saw a post complaining about musical Dimitri so I want to know what is your favourite things about him in the musical?
sigh... musical dmitry... giggling kicking my feet twirling my hair thinking about him. i'm always daydreaming about him. if you saw me on the street irl i almost guarantee you'd catch me lost in some variation of musical dmitry thoughts.
there are so many things i could say here, anon. his redemption arc™ from a selfish liar to the most noble and self-sacrificing slavic sadboy i've ever seen? his angsty daddy issues backstory? his bewitching silly goose ways? how he lets One Woman completely change the trajectory of his life? how he falls into an emotional spiral about it? the way he Knows Who He Is and is very self assured in his identity, and helps anya do the same? how his identity is so intertwined with his home? his role as a Storyteller™? etc????
but for this ask today i'm going to focus on how gentle he is. i don't think gentleness is something that comes very easy to this dmitry. he lost his father at a young age, as we know. he was alone on the streets and had to fight to stay alive. he cons people for a living. by the time we meet him he's very cynical about the world and doesn't really trust anyone, other than vlad. mostly he just relies on himself and can't really count on anyone else. when he meets anya, a cryptic girl who is a bit off but in need of help, his first response is to scoff and send her away, since unstable people are too risky to deal with. he's capable of being charming, but he uses this skill to get what he wants.
a lesser character with an identical backstory would be gruff and unfeeling, but... this dmitry isn't. in spite of it all, he's so hopeful, though he buries it deep. his most treasured story is about a girl he met at a parade. he is known as the 'prince of petersburg,' has a relationship with everyone on the streets. in the hartford production he calls an older woman in the ensemble 'little mother.' he rescues vlad, a complete stranger, from a firing squad. and though he turns her down at first, he agrees to get anya to paris. he protects what's his own.
you can tell it takes him a while to learn gentleness. whether it's physical or verbal, especially around anya, he is still always on the defensive for a while. fight first, think later. she's really jumpy and skittish but he doesn't start changing his behavior until they fight the ruffians together. he flags all of his movements around her, making sure she knows his intentions first. he talks about his father. he gives her a music box because he thinks it'll make her smile. because she 'earned it.' when she's crying after a nightmare he tells her a sweet, simple story from his childhood.
the train scene is the best example of this shift-- when she cowers after the gunshot goes off, he is completely lost about what to do. 'calm her down,' vlad tells him, but how is he supposed to do that? she's sobbing into his shoulder and he's frozen, panicking, because what is he supposed to do here??? but he shushes her and holds her anyway. he does his best. and it works. in such a tense situation where they very well could be shot next he is so so gentle and patient with her. and by the time we reach iacot in paris, he knows exactly how to comfort her. he learned how to hold her gently and speak in a soft voice. how softness can ground someone in need.
to summarize: musical dmitry is... really soft? and softness/gentleness isn't really something you see in the conman archetype very often. he is so special.
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megabuild · 3 months
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hi how is ethubs toxic for etho? I’m curious, and don’t really care either way lol just wanted to see your perspective (I think you implied it in a post of yours)
so i would personally interpret ethubs as toxic from both sides and it feels unfair when analysing something like that to say "this person definitively had the Worse Experience" because that's not something you can measure- having said that i definitely like to look at etho's more, mainly because it lines up with my own personal experiences and is also something that i don't see discussed very much.
ethubs as a whole can be difficult to read as toxic sometimes because as a viewer you're already aware the two actors are close friends outside of the roleplay and so their constant back and forth and commitment to each other is obviously in part because of that but as characters they very much read to me as dependent to an unhealthy degree. all of last life functions as a push-pull exercise, mainly with bdubs as the one pulling while etho allows himself to get pulled along even into intense danger for them both until he realises bdubs is pulling him off a cliff edge and pushes (the wither fight/telling bdubs he won't give him a life). bdubs demands a lot from him, often pointing to "the good old days" and promising that once etho does whatever he needs to do things will go back to normal- to the point where etho himself starts leaning into that idea, telling bdubs "we can be buddies again!" in their final meeting despite this, again, being a death game where there is no hope for either of them. this could still be read as just a very committed relationship but what sets it against etho for me is that bdubs is (unintentionally) emotionally manipulative- he is desperate to stay with etho, of course he is! and often directs comments towards etho insinuating other people won't get him the way bdubs does (an element of truth- etho is a lone wolf and was never as open with his other allies as he was with bdubs) and, most importantly, telling etho to kill himself in order to join him as a red life or else he will kill him himself. this is bad!
bdubs is also an incredibly reckless character, which isn't really a toxic trait but in their partnership becomes significant as etho is always chasing after him to try and save him- while etho never directly gives him a life of his own he is constantly at ends trying to find lives for him, be that in asking tango, striking deals with scar, or allowing bdubs to kill tango despite having the means to stop him. stuff like when bdubs trades off a life for the enchanter and etho frustratedly says back "i care about bdubs more than i care about the enchanter!" bdubs is constantly working towards a win for them both (and i don't doubt that had it been the two of them left, he would have asked etho to kill him- he does this all through his own warped perception of loyalty) while etho is constantly working just to keep them alive and safe and the two ideals end up clashing a lot.
does all of this make a toxic relationship? not in every case. but to me (again, likely because of personal similar experience and bias) it reads very much like that and i think if etho was more into the roleplay and displayed even the slightest bit of distress it would suddenly look INCREDIBLY apparent. part of the reason it doesn't is because as a character he is used to hiding his true feelings and discomfort in order to survive.
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halvedslab · 2 months
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I would LOVE to hear about the vampire hunter au if you have thoughts about it, story wise ... I love the vibes so far and both Etho and Bdubs look so so so so cool !!!!!! I also love vampires sooo :> perfect au for me!! xD ❤️
OH I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM......... Essentially church-raised monster-hunter Etho is sent to kill what turns out to be high vampire Bdubs, fails, and then ends up agreeing to let Bdubs drink from him if he agreed not to drink from anyone else
It is like. the world's worst "exclusive situationship" ever. Friends with benefits except instead of friends, its "A thinks of B as an enemy while B thinks of A as a lover," and instead of your classic definition of benefits, it's meeting up monthly for homoerotic blood drinking. Etho is "gathering intel" on how to kill Bdubs while Bdubs is trying to woo him
Alternatively:
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(Despite everything it is actually a very silly AU which started because I wanted to cover Etho Ethoslab in blood, is still mostly about that (and now putting Ethubs in silly little outfits), but there's some stuff deeper in about monstrousness and un/belonging which I'd like to explore more soon......................)
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ratcandy · 2 months
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so I love your sozo hcs and art a lot. I also love theorizing a bunch over lore and stuff in the game and... idk? I had to share this idea with someone about the cordyceps.
So, in one of the secret messages it does say the skull that Spore Grotto is built in and around was the skull of a supposed ancient god. Probably one of the "first gods" even, and it has a mushroom similar to the one that was on Sozo growing out of it, but the face is old looking... So what if the cordyceps is some divine fungus the Mushroomos worship and the one on Sozo is an offspring or rebirth of the ancient one that requires a host to mature? Fungi will often eat and kill other species so perhaps that adds into why Sozo eats the Mushroomos? For a food source to gain power and the cordyceps is a more powerful species of fungi?
Plus maybe Dr Sozonius has a bit of a grudge with them for forcing it on him. Idk? Just some theories I've had when analyzing everything.
Oh worm thank you!! I'm glad you like my art n rambles <3
The idea that the fungus is itself a deity is one that's been tossed around here a bit yeah!!! And seeing as it managed to take down a God (assuming it is the reason for that Ancient God's death and it didn't just show up after, which I can't imagine why it would for something evidently parasitic) it would make total sense if it is/was!
AaaanD the idea that the Mushroomos specifically worship that Big Shroom is interesting! And using Sozo as a sort of host for their God's rebirth would be in-line with typical cult stuff, so hey!! I could totally see it!
My only uncertainty lies in the fact that the Mushroomos seem almost confused by what's going on with Sozo? At least, they don't make any mention of what's going on, and just claim that he's growing more unpredictable and cruel, and that they fear for their safety around him. And they run away horrified when he tries to eat them, which is a total reasonable response on its own, but not if they would expect it to happen for their God to reach maturity, right? You'd think that'd be like. I dunno, an honor? Noble sacrifice type thing? If their death aids in their God's rebirth?
They even question why he whispers to himself, which you'd figure they'd know if they put that God in him sdghSDKJGH
It's possible they're playing dumb to keep Sozo/outsiders unaware of their intentions, though. That or perhaps the Mushroomos did indeed intend for Sozo to be the new vessel for their God but they just had no fucking idea what that would entail sdghKSJDGH.
Like, here they were expecting their God's offspring/reincarnation to treat them with kindness or whatever for being the ones that brought it back, only for SURPRISE!!!!! It wants to EAT. and it wants to eat THEM
Who knows!! I don't think the Mushroomos' intentions are ever totally made clear, so anything is possible. Though we do know they didn't give much of a shit about the Bishops ("Leshy was slaughtered! Never liked him, anyway" and "Shamura has died. It was probably for the best") so hey for all we know they hate these new Gods and want their old one back. Doing it in the middle of a new God's territory (Anura) might not have been the best idea tho
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sad-leon · 9 months
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Your finding home au looks so good!
Who is the turtle with leo on the last panel? Is that a new design for mikey? Or a brand new turtle that will be Leo's new sibling?
Is leo raised by draxum here?
alsdkghjalsdkfh i have so many thoughts about this au, but i'll keep this vaguely spoiler free
starting with 5th turtle
Her name is Galileo (Gali for short), and she was mutated by draxum about 5 years before leo was. she was previously human, taken by draxum as he tried to make supersoldiers out of humans. She's fairly strong, but has quite a few chronic pain issues, so draxum decided to start with turtles when he remade the mutagen
Gali is Big Mama's assistant and is in the story because reading what she could have been if Rise had been given more run time inspired me. Her human origin is inspired by the concept of Jennika in the idw comics :D
Galileo is definately a big sister figure to Leo. she even calls him "brother" in the first chapter :D
I've had her planned out for so long, so i will give you some of her concept art:
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And for the most part, yes, Draxum raises leo with Big Mama's help. I don't want to start the comic with backstory, so I'll make either side comics or flash backs exploring Leo's childhood years with Draxum, though y'all are free to ask about them
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