#thank you anon i love good june analysis

[timeausterrors]

hello! this is for the thoughts on homestuck! i think it's interesting how you can read the beta kids as the different troubles a kid could face growing up and, frankly in my opinion, john is no exception. i feel like his upbringing is emblematic of like... you can grow up in a good community in a happy household with a loving father and still not come out of it okay because it's not that simple. he reads SO clearly to me as that experience kids have with mental illness- you don't know what's going on other than there's something wrong with you, because nobody saw any reason to tell you anything else was a possibility. not to mention when you consider it in the transgender context. it's all the little unfortunate side effects of the classic suburban lifestyle that pile up on top of each other- by all means you should be happy, but here you are, just as discontent as all the rest of your friends. ...looks at the big textblock and starts sweating. john makes me feel a lot of emotions if you couldn't tell. i just think he's neat.

yes!! i hardly ever see true analysis of june, especially in early acts, which is wild because she is literally the Main Character. and there is really so much to explore with her, especially when it comes to her emotional struggles and connections with people.

SORRY I WENT OFF A BIT...

june has got to be one of the most heavily autistic coded characters in homestuck, which is saying something bc almost all of them can be read as some form of neurodivergent/mentally ill (or both). but june, specifically, is interesting because, as you said, she had the most "normal" upbringing of all of the kids, both alpha and beta, and by far has the hardest time making connections with people. she has a tendency to derail conversations towards her interests ('shitty' movies) and it often feels like making connections of events to her movies helps her process and relate to those events. she often takes people at their face value, and struggles to pick up on sarcasm or tone through text, and is very gullible because of it (terezi tricking alt june to fight her denizen early, then not taking dave or davesprite seriously until the last minute – she either believes everything someine tells her or nothing, depending on her pre-established notions of the person).

all of these make genuine relationships and connections difficult to build with june. the theme of loneliness with her is Extremely prevalent throughout the comic, even in the snapchat epilogues. she is like the manifestation of undiagnosed autism in children (especially young boys who are trans and dont know it yet). she has a caring dad and a 'good life' but her struggle to make irl connections and that feeling of knowing Something is different about you (or something is "wrong" with you) but not understanding what it is... i feel a lot of that is why june resonates with people.

this is not even going into detail about june's trans coding (be it intentional or not on hussie's end, a good portion of the kids have very real trans coding that i wish more people would appreciate cough cough jake, jane, eridan, the zahhaks.... cough cough cough) or her role in the narrative as both a breath player and a main character... it all paints and extremely compelling picture of this character and i really wish more people would appreciate her!!

sorry for da word wall... june also makes me feel a lot of emotions 🥹

#I LOVE U JUNE EGBERT 🫶 #thank you anon i love good june analysis #anon

[mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa]

Lol I wasn't trying to pick a fight. When I said poorly done edits I meant by bighit editors like teleporting them and stuff 😆. I was really curious as to what made you believe in them because sometimes you have good knck of analysis that so many things makes sense. I just wanted to know if you havediff perspective. You also said in one anons ask that you prefer concrete evidence so thought I'll ask.

No worries I get sometimes it's hard to explain our beliefs.

Hi, thanks for clarifying what you meant. And yes the BigHit editors are notorious, lol, particularly pre-2020.

Whilst I can't pinpoint the moment, as it took place over several months of realising that this ship was real, I can say 2018 as a whole and what I observed was probably the key era. There are several things, when added up, started to solidify in my mind there relationship was probably more than just friends...

The Namsen Hotel Date

Taekook on 26th January were photographed at the restaurant of a Namsen hotel, about 10 mins aware from their Dorm at the time, they were along. In order to book at the hotel, reservations most be done in advance. Two months later, Jimin said this in a magazine interview:

Dispatch, Contract negotiations and the rumour of a gay couple, 2 years apart in age from the same top idol group

Back in 2016, a rumour emerged of a high profile idol group had a couple where the two were 2 years apart in age, that in Dispatch's 2017, would be the annual couple revealed by them. After this, Taekook were clearly being separated and content edited to show them as not being close. The rumour re-emerged in 2018, just as BTS's contract renewal/possibly disbandment was happening. All those rumours disappeared once the contract was renewed, and it appeared that Dispatch had a special arrangement with BTS for exclusive content. But here's the thing everytime Dispatched published anything about BTS, the featured photo would always be Taekook. And let us not forget the instagram post when Dispatched use the love hearts and the gay male couple emojis with a photo of Taekook...

Yoongi's Text to just them and the way the members talked about and treated them

During Festa 2018 (then again in a Japanese TV show, Taekook talk about receiving same a long message from Yoongi telling them he loves them. They were together when reading and supposed both cried. I found it very strange that Yoongi would need to send them both the same message unless it directly related to both of them.

Another thing that happen this year was the constant way the members would push them together, or mentioned them as being the same or different that the rest of the members, and only share playlists with each other and not the group...

Summer Package, Bon Voyage 3 & GCF

Summer Package and Saipan GCF, showed a very clingy Taekook, Tae wanting JK to do the same thing as him. The fact they went for an early morning stroll on the beach in pyjamas to film part of the GCF (something of a recurring them for them in both In the Soop and a private holiday. The, summer package was when JK challenged Tae when he called JK a friend (everything a little weird for a bit there).

Also let us not forget GCF Newark and vlive from the previous day that was suspicious.

Bon Voyage, was interesting, because 1 big thing happened at that time, Tae's grandfather passed away shortly before filming, and was the reason for his absence. Whilst, Tae was not there JK was constantly on his phone, when he arrived in Malta we barely saw it again. Then of course JK (and the teams) not so subtle way of allowing Tae to share with JK, in a double bed. There were weird things happening, like the ever depleted toilet tissue and JK's weird way of waking up, like he had something on his fingers, the cuddling and how the members tried to make a joke of it but it was not really working. Things were just odd. Then of course were the hidden moments not in BV3, like Taekook going for a stroll together and two bodyguards, only to be stopped by a Red Bull van, or the moonlight walk and drinks that only Taekook appeared to do together.

The two Taekook kisses and general clinginess.

Kiss 1 the concert nape kiss:

JK's reaction was interesting...

Then you have the exclusive fan content cheek kisses:

The reaction and what the members say is interesting, as it seems that do this sort of thing a lot in the dorm and they are also concern if they are allowed to do this...

Also this year, Taekook became very clingy...

Like I said, not one thing but many that make me think... yep a couple.

About the Concrete Evidence

Regarding, concrete evidence, perhaps "concrete" isn't the correct word to use and maybe "actual" is better. All fans and shippers who create content (outside of fan fiction, of course), will focus that content on what they love. Taekookers focus the content on Tae and JK, Jikookers on JK and Jimin etc... sometimes to the point of editing out other people and additional context that gives you a bigger picture to what you're seeing.

That is why, whenever I watch a Taekook Analysis or Compilation Video, see a post on Tumblr or a Tweet that says/shows something, I'm aware that what I may be seeing is not be the whole picture or context.

So I try best to find and watch the original video, photo or tweet etc, without a Taekook fan's focus on it, so I can see the full context of what they're trying to say.

I would tell anyone to do the same with anything Taekook/BTS related posted on here. Don't just take my word for it, do your own research and make up your own mind.

#my asks #taekook #taekook is real #why i think JK and Tae might be real

[kiatheinsomniac]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐍𝐄'𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇-𝐔𝐏!*˚ .♡⋆ˊˎ -

𓆩♡𓆪 𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄!

❝I've been following you for quite sometime now and here for the Valentine's event! (if there're slots available still lol). I would like match-ups with Re8 and Genshin women pls <33 I'm female and a bisexual who prefers women more. June Cancer that frets over little things alot and usually daydreaming about romantic relationships. I'm also quite introverted, but if someone shares enough hobbies with me I will become more talkative! My hobbies include writing, reading and sometimes learning new languages. I usually read classic romance and novels, which I also spend a lot of time jotting down my thoughts and analysis before reading another one. And that's why I love writing too. I love learning languages because I can understand more about cultures around the world as well as the uniqueness of each countries. I can't wait to recieve the match-ups :) thanks in advance and pls have a nice day!!!❞ anon

ੈ♡˳ 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!

♡ being a librarian, Lisa is initially drawn to your love for reading, writing and learning. You strike her as a romantic and she finds it really cute so she can't help but to lay on thick the flirting and praising. She finds you adorable and wants to warm you up to the idea of a date with her.

♡ she always sets aside romance novels and classics that she thinks you'll love, especially the sapphic ones! She's not a subtle woman and so neither are her hints; she'll even say things like how the protagonist reminded her of you.

♡ she'll happily whisk you away for afternoon tea whenever her work gets slow and she finds you're not busy. She'll gladly listen to you share your thoughts and analysis on what you're reading and she'll share her own ideas too. Considering how you love learning of other cultures, she enjoys how interested you look when she talks about her time studying in Sumeru.

ੈ♡˳ 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐈𝐓 𝐀 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄?

♡ Lisa takes you out on a boat on cider lake! She brings along a little picnic for the two of you to enjoy as well as some of your favourite books. She's read your favourite romance novel and has annotated it cover to cover and she'd like for you to read it through her eyes and hopes yo might be able to return the offer one day. She also offers you her own favourite in the hopes that you'll do so.

♡ she's brought along some of your favourites that she's picked up on every time she's whisked you away for afternoon tea and she's kept the tea warm in a thermal flask. There are a few giggles as the boat rocks while the two of you sit on the bottom of it and she holds onto her hat at every gust of wind despite it being firmly pinned to her head.

♡ considering this is now a more romantic setting, Lisa will become more forward and touchy unless you speak out against it. She'll enjoy feeding you little baked sweets and fruits from her hand and will stroke your cheek and tuck your hair away from your face as she calls you cutie, sweetheart, darling... she eventually asks if she's allowed to call you "mine" too.

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: Ah! My first time writing about Lisa hehe. I hope you had a good Valentine's day and I'm so glad you've been with my blog for so long!

missed the match-up event? try ships instead! ☾ ⋆ ﾟlike my work? why not: ∘ buy me a coffee? ∘ comms. ∘ taglist ∘ follow/reblog

#— ꒰ 💌 ꒱ valentine's match-up 2024: ✎◞♡

[delicateglitch]

FAV CHAYENZO FIC REC LIST - PART 2

FAV CHAYENZO FIC REC LIST - PART 1

Lemme start by saying that I am a writer in NO ABSOLUTE WAY. I barely read compared to avid book readers. But I LOVE fanfics. I am in no way capable of finding deep literary meaning or write character essays., I read for FFs for fix its, character analysis, to grin over my fav ship being all smushy and to feel an ache for the angst. And yes, the smut. Sometimes, for the tears. I wanna say a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who post their writing for Chayenzo. I fell in love with the show 6 months ago and we've got some WONDERFUL fics on the tag. I hope that as a reader I have done my tiny bit to encourage you. Something about this fics have been a solace to me for the last couple of months and I am genuinely grateful to you for giving me a world to get lost in post the show. I mean no disrespect for the fics I don't post here. These comprise of my most reread and my personal taste. So if you do check this list out - go leave kudos and some nice comments so that we are well fed yeah?

In the Order it was posted : star marked (*) are the ones I have lost count of my rereads.

shades on skin by aellanyx (soulmate retelling - WIP) (can we get an update on this, pretty please?)

room service* by lesserfeelings - Part 2 of 26th of june (post finale - Oneshot) (this sorta hurts but SMUTTY GOODNESS) (lesserfeelings - I see a pattern here)

Wingman* by rosetintednerdglasses (crackfic! - oneshot) (this is hilarious)

Hook Up - ANON (oneshot) (I know youuu)

Picciona Maledetto by Juliette1713 (post finale - oneshot)

after the rain by uvlights (true beauty x Vincezo - multi)

something chemical* by stutteringpeach (FWB - multi)(Damn, this fic is something else!)

Per Te by astormwithskin (alternate meetings - oneshot)

are you going to shoot me?* by rosetintednerdglasses (mafia AU - multi) (I WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING AND RAVING ABOUT THIS FIC - MY TOP 5; I lost count on my how many times I've reread this)

switchin' the positions for you* by coolbeansbuddyofmine (PWP - Oneshot) (this fic was dedicated for me, I obviously love it)

cramped* by rosetintednerdglasses - Part 4 of il dopo vita / Part 5 of sachets of coffee (oneshot) (my heartttt)

a rush of blood to the head* by stutteringpeach (ABO - oneshot)(Dude, this fic simply blew my mind)

First Time For Everything by Lady_Nerd52 (post finale - multi) (its hot)

how do we fall in love? (baby let's fall in love)* by coolbeansbuddyofmine (text msg AU - oneshot)(this one is adorable!)

in flagranza* by lesserfeelings (interruptions fic! - oneshot) (Phew - this fic!)

this type of love isn't rational, it’s physical (all reason aside, i just can’t deny i love the guy) by coolbeansbuddyofmine (sherlock AU - WIP)

moments together when we fell in love by coolbeansbuddyofmine (sherlock AU - oneshots)

love.* by capriho3 (post finale - oneshot)

of showers and sensibilities* by coolbeansbuddyofmine (post finale - Oneshot)

Like It When You Love Me* by AwakeJuice (post finale - WIP) (Can we get an update, pretty please) (One of the most romantic post finale fics - so beautiful)

too late by meyrmeyr (post finale - WIP) (can we get an update, pretty please) (The ANGST, my heart)

the spell you got on me, it's like magic (got me feeling like falling in love)* by coolbeansbuddyofmine (HP AU - WIP) (MAGIC!)

heat waves by cappers (update - pretty please?) (Archilogical AU - WIP)

give and take* by lesserfeelings (bodygaurd AU - multi)(this fic will transport you)

I’m Always by Your Side* by Ahenix (collection of oneshots) (ANOTHER TOP 5 - you'll go asdfghjkl for almost every chapter) (Sending Ahenix peonis and cannoli for writing almost 120k words)

espresso vs sewage waste by readingnotes (coffeeshop AU - multi)

Sir?* by rosetintednerdglasses (Professor!VC / Lawyer CY - multi)(pleeeeaseee - this fic!!!)

it would've been fun if you would've been the one by augustinecassano (parallel universe - WIP)

Domestic Cencha* by InzaghisGirlfriend (fictober! collection of oneshots // except for the flight attendant AU - so amazing)

the stars, they dazzle* by rosetintednerdglasses (5+1 - AU's - multi)(oh Rose!)

vignettes by stutteringpeach (collections) (please be persuaded to write the chaebol AU)

lesser fragments by lesserfeelings

Some WIP's I'm looking forward to-

Milan by InzaghisGirlfriend

that's the thing about illicit affairs by augustinecassano

street corner dokkaebi by xtreasure17

The Golden Dynasty by yeobeeniejeon

The Word I Can't Say by kaahaani

there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin by lesserfeelings (NIRE!!!!!)

Hey, I got a new friend! by neighbourhoodbidulgi

Of Thorned Souls and Fading Hearts by Ahenix

#vincenzo #chayenzo fic #vincenzo fanfic #cencha #chayenzo #hong cha young #vincenzo headcanon #tvn vincenzo #K'S FIC RECS #VINCENZO CASSANO #KDRAMA #VINCENZO KDRAMA #OKAY I'M DONE

[palimpsessed]

Hey, I love your analysis and I really want to know what do you think about how Baz’s vampirism was handled in AWTWB. Personally, I didn’t like it because it felt like he was just pushing it down, I hoped he would come to terms with the fact that he is a vampire and maybe stop viewing himself and the other vampires as evil.

Hi, Anon. I'm so glad you like my analysis! Thank you for sending in this ask! I have so much I want to say about Baz's vampirism. (So so much!)

I feel very strongly about both Baz and Simon coming to accept and even love the things that make them "monstrous" and also being comfortable enough to share those parts of themselves with each other. That said, I actually feel really good about where we left off with Baz in canon. I think he's come a lot further than it seems, and while he has more hard work to do, he's definitely on the path to get there, and he finally has the support system he needs to make that happen.

With your indulgence, I want to talk about why I think Baz's arc looked the way it did in AWTWB, why I think we have reason to feel good about that arc, and why we can feel confident about his post-AWTWB outlook.

At its heart, this trilogy is Simon's story. The focus had to be mostly on him and his arc, and while Baz, and their relationship play big roles in that arc, they can't be the focus. The vampire storyline in CO was tied up in the mystery surrounding Natasha's death, and in WS, it was tied up in Agatha's disappearance. Those storylines were both important for Baz's character development, but they were also part of the overarching "external" plot of the books. In AWTWB, the "external" plot line is instead the Chosen One cults—which I think makes a lot more sense in terms of closing out Simon's arc as the Chosen One. While it may not sound incredibly healthy, I think sorting out his relationship with Simon is actually far more important to Baz's mental health than facing his self-loathing as a vampire at this point in his journey.

When we're looking at AWTWB, I think it's easy to forget where it fits into the overall timeline, which is critical to putting the book into perspective. Both WS and AWTWB take place in June 2017. CO, on the other hand, runs from September 2015 to September 2016 (in the epilogue). CO was an entire year and WS and AWTWB both take place in under a month. (I'm not including the AWTWB epilogue, because while I have thoughts about its significance for everyone in the "flock" of magic, Baz isn't explicitly in it.) Almost no time has passed between WS and AWTWB. While we see everyone undergo a lot of personal growth in AWTWB, the amount of that growth is limited to what is possible in that timeframe. (Could this book have been spread out over the course of another year? Yes, but I don't really think it would have been made better for a protracted story/timeline.)

WS is a book about people who are stuck in a bad place—even while its cast is driving cross-country. I have seen arguments that WS actually doesn't matter, because there wasn't forward progress made. I disagree with this, because while it lacks linear progression—it ends with Simon and Baz about to have the same conversation (the same breakup) from the opening scene, with Penelope once more interrupting—the point that WS makes is that even though progress can be slow and doesn't always go smoothly, or even in the right direction, it still happens. It may not be apparent, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. (I know this was an ask about AWTWB, but I really think we have to look at CO and WS first. I promise there is a point to this.)

When WS starts, Baz is so caught up in Simon's problems, and the problems between them, he's not looking inwardly. He has to smooth things out with Simon first, and then do some deep introspection. The avoidance of his own problems is something he's learned from his family. Unlike Simon, Baz has grown up with relationship modeling and people who love him. But the way love was modeled for him wasn't always healthy: Malcolm closes himself off emotionally and Fiona channels her grief into rage and revenge. Baz is heavily affected by both of these examples. (In CO, he admits to standing in front of a mirror and practicing his father's emotionless expressions and posture. In AWTWB, Baz tells Fiona that going along with her schemes was his way of trying to earn her approval.) Baz's unhealthy coping mechanisms (i.e., not coping at all, and instead burying everything so deep he doesn't even know it's there, or throwing himself headfirst into "solving" external problems) have led to him repressing much of who he is.

Baz has been denying his vampiric side for so long, he's nearly mentally divorced himself from the reality of it. (I know that you know that he's repressing his vampirism, but in order to make my point about his progress, I'm going to spend some time delving into the extent of that repression, and what it looks like.) Given the danger it presents to him in the World of Mages, it makes sense that Baz would work hard to keep it hidden, but that makes it impossible for him to do the work needed to embrace his vampirism.

Ever since he was Turned, Baz has had to live with the belief that his mother would have killed him herself if she had lived through the vampire attack. That's a hard fact to live with for anyone, let alone a child who's already dealing with the loss of that very mother.—Not to mention one who is confronting the knowledge that he's going to Turn into the very creatures responsible for his mother's death. Once he started at Watford, the number of people he had to hide from and lie to grew to encompass everyone on campus—especially his roommate. When that roommate became ever increasingly suspicious of his activities, only to figure out the truth, and then proceed to try to convince everyone around them that he was, in fact, a vampire, it's understandable that Baz would be all the more diligent in repressing his vampiric side and come to hate it that much more.

We see Baz's denials in CO, when Simon asks him point blank, and Baz avoids or lashes out. ("Get off my bed, Snow." "Why don't you ask one?" "I swallow my temper and then swallow it again.") When Baz and Simon go to the vampire bar, and Baz has to confront for the first time the fact that he is one of them as much as he is a magician, he can't handle it. This, compounded with the frustration of their only lead on his mother's murder refusing to help, sends him spiraling to the point that he tries to take his own life. There is a lot tied up in that decision for Baz, but Baz's words during the scene in the forest tell us that his vampirism is one of the biggest factors. "This is what my mother would want for me…If she knew what I am…She would never have let me live…She loved what I was!…I'm not that boy anymore. I'm one of them now." This is the first time in Baz's life that he's met another vampire since he was Turned. The first time he's even been around them. The first time he's seen one (as far as he knows). I don't think that he had prepared himself for how it would feel for him to walk into that world. He did his best to remain emotionally removed from the situation, and lean heavily into his magician side: dressing up to show his wealth, being hostile, smoking, using his wand, walking in with the Chosen One, giving his full name—Tyrannus and Pitch are both names from his mother's side, underscoring his identification with her, and opposition to the vampires. This show is as much about constructing an identity to project to the vampires as it is about constructing an identity for himself. I've talked about how Baz uses clothing as emotional armor, and in this scene, we can see this conscious construction of a strong self-image, and afterward, we see how it crumbles around him.

It's only when Baz thinks he's at the very end that he speaks the truth out loud to Simon. And Simon, in classic Simon fashion, decides he's actually not afraid of or creeped out by Baz being a vampire. This is very, very important for Baz! He moves from knowing the person who loved him most (Natasha) would have killed him for being a vampire, to realizing the person he loves most (Simon) can know the truth and still accept him, still want him. That is going to go a long way to helping Baz to eventual acceptance. But we know it's not going to be easy, or happen quickly. As much as it means to Baz to have Simon see him for what he is and still choose him, he still struggles with seeing himself for what he is.

I think the best example of Baz's continued state of denial over his vampirism in CO is his refusal to allow Nico to come to Watford with him. "But I'll be damned to hell twice over before I let a vampire into Watford." Now, when I say that Baz is in denial over his vampirism, I don't mean that he doesn't know or believe that he's a vampire. He obviously does. What I mean is that he doesn't see himself as belonging with other vampires. He sees himself as a magician, and only a magician—one who just very unfortunately has to drink blood to survive. (There's a lot that can be said about how this ties into his internalized homophobia.) Vampires are separate, other. He won't acknowledge the fact that his status as a possibly immortal, blood drinking, super human creature, affects his identity in any material way, unless he allows it. He thinks that because of his status as a mage, and because of his refusal to drink human blood, and the fact that he's never associated with other vampires, he is different from them—better. With this line to Nico, Baz tells us all we need to know. Baz refuses to let a vampire into Watford, despite the fact that he is one! And it's even more telling that Baz isn't saying this to just any other vampire. He's saying it to the only other (known) magician who was Turned. However, the key point for Baz in mentally separating himself from Nico is that Nico chose to cross over, and Baz had no choice. Baz fights back against his vampirism, and Nico embraces it (as far as Baz knows) by drinking human blood and living among other vampires.

We see that Baz has continued in this mindset between CO and WS, and considering that he probably hasn't had any other encounters with vampires that would affect his outlook, it makes sense that that outlook wouldn't have changed. Baz and Penelope are both so invested in Simon that they've neglected themselves. Baz hasn't done any self-reflection or made any progress on the path to accepting the parts of himself that he hid from before. It's Baz who immediately suspects the vampires at the Renaissance Faire and insists on following and attacking them. Simon remarks on how their positions seemed to have reversed, as he has always been the one to fight against the "dark" creatures before. But Simon's made his peace with vampirism ("I'd rather risk a bite") and Baz hasn't. The Ren Faire vampires are caricatures of themselves—dressed in costumes, obvious—doing very stereotypical vampire-y things—draining "harlots like cans of lager"—a perfect target (and metaphor) for Baz's internalized hatred. They even have a Lestat de Lioncourt to bring back his traumatic memories of being "a 15-year-old closet case whose parents didn't notice when the family dog disappeared."

The most striking part of this battle with the Ren Faire vampires, however, is the fact that Baz continues to act like they're something completely different from him. Simon says, "Christ, you people are perverts", and Baz's immediate retort is, "These are not my people." We see this again when Shepard tells Baz he's "never met a vampire", and Baz says, "I hope your luck holds." When Margaret calls him "an abomination", Baz's response is, "I'm not—that…I'm a mage! I was bitten by a vampire as a baby!" He continues to claim only his mage half: vampire isn't who he is, it's what happened to him. Penelope has observed this attitude, too, and I'm sure to her it makes sense, because they have very similar feelings about mage superiority and vampire villainy. In their escape from Jeff Arnold's posse at Carhenge, she tells us that "Baz is truly frightening when he's not pretending he's not a vampire." When Baz goes to the vampire party in the Katherine, he tries to bolster his courage to follow through in his ruse. The thought that seems to convince him to stay and put his life in danger is this: "vampires mustn't learn to Speak—no one should be allowed to be both." The irony of Baz—the only person in existence who can do both—being the one to have this thought is lost on him, because he doesn't think it's ironic. He doesn't think he's one of them. This is made unequivocally clear during the final face-off in the desert. In the midst of his shock and grief at seeing Simon on the ground, apparently dead, one of the thoughts that races through his mind is: "I'm pretending to be a vampire." Baz thinks he's pretending! (He is definitely pretending—the exact opposite—but he's the only one fooled by the act.)

Of course, in this same scene Baz—probably for the first time in his entire life—gives over completely to his vampiric side when he tears off Braden's jaw and goes on a rampage. The only reason Baz lets out that side of him is that he thinks Simon is dead: "There's no saving me. Everything I am is already gone. My teeth are like knives. I use them." Just as he did after being surrounded by vampires in CO, Baz lashes out in desperation and grief—once again placing his life in danger and believing that he's not going to walk away. Just as in CO, this appears to be the only kind of situation when Baz feels comfortable with letting his vampiric side surface. If he's at his end, then it no longer matters if he's hiding.

Even Baz's lack of a practical meal plan shows us his denial. Not only does he seem to be punishing himself for the fact that he has to drink blood to survive by the way he goes about it—skulking around in shame and secret—he also willfully places himself into situations where blood is a scarcity! Simon tries to talk about this with Baz at the airport before their trip. It's a very reasonable concern on Simon's part, to be thinking about how his boyfriend is going to be able to obtain blood when they're on a plane and a road trip. This is a topic Simon broaches himself, despite the fact that there is almost no useful communication between them at this point. Simon wants to talk about this important subject and Baz shuts him down by not taking any of it seriously. "I'll be fine, Snow. It's only eight hours. I get through every day without slaughtering people…No worries, I've heard that America is overrun with rats. And other animals, Grizzly bears, show dogs." Baz hasn't planned how he's going to get blood while abroad. And we know that shortly after arriving, he's already suffering. Thinking about how delicious Simon and Penny smell, rather than admit that he needs to drink. Not only thinking about it, but doing so just after Simon has once more asked Baz about getting blood. Baz puts him off with the excuse that he's "not going hunting in the suburbs at midday" and insists that he's "fine", then goes on to call himself a "deliriously thirsty vampire" and has to run out of dinner in order to avoid disaster in the Cheesecake Factory. He has to use a spell and wrestle "nine tabby cats" behind a skip because he puts off drinking for so long. And he doesn't get more thoughtful about sourcing blood after this, either. All of this is an extended symptom of Baz trying to distance himself from other vampires. He's so in denial, he won't even take the time to consider how to find animals to drink and try to keep to a hunting schedule, because he just won't let himself think about his need for blood. It's beneath him.

The point I hope I'm getting across with all of this is just how far Baz still has to go to accept his vampirism. So far that first he must admit his vampirism is a part of who he is, and not just a side effect of something that was done to him. That's a big divide to cross. He does make large strides in WS, and continues on that path in AWTWB, but I think it's realistic, considering where he starts on his journey, that he still has more work to do. To be fair, there is always more work to do—for all us.

While I'm on the topic of major strides in WS, let's take a look at what those are—then we'll look at the progress Baz makes in AWTWB. At the start of WS, we see that Baz has grown into himself. He's coming out of the closet in all ways except vampiric. Part of what spurs him to do this is being free from Watford and his father. He's living on his own—he can be his own man. But the other, and equally important part, is the fact that he's dating Simon. He has a good reason to want to be "out" and that reason is being out with the man he loves. Of course, when we join the story, that's not going so well. But for a while, things were pretty good for Baz. ("Last September…I would have had to pull my mouth away from his to ask the question, and he might not have let me finish.") Baz being more confident in one aspect of his life is important for his confidence in other aspects, and the less he feels he needs to hide, the lighter the toll will be from his other secrets. What I mean is that being openly queer will only help him in the long run to being more open about vampirism. (At least, where and when it's safe.)

The bigger progress Baz makes is, of course, with Lamb and the vampires of Las Vegas. (I've said it before and I'll say it again: "The Vampires of Las Vegas" is an indie band waiting to happen.) Being in Las Vegas is the very first time in twenty years that Baz has existed freely and openly in public—and also the first time he has been in public where other vampires can exist freely and openly. No one in Las Vegas is ashamed or afraid or repulsed by what they are. They aren't vampires, they're brethren. They have elected officials. They have regular jobs and swanky, exclusive parties, and access to all the blood they could ever need without having to kill or Turn. They help each other out! They protect their own! Compare this experience to the vampire bar in Covent Garden and it's night and day. This is an existence Baz cannot even fathom—one he certainly doesn't trust. It's too good to be true. And Baz doesn't want to let himself enjoy it. Not just because he's there as a spy, but because he's there as a mage. He doesn't believe that he really has a place in Lamb's world, because he doesn't see himself as a vampire. The lifestyle Lamb is selling isn't one Baz is willing to buy because it's affirming for the part of himself he fights against the hardest and hates the most.

When Baz and Lamb are out on their "date", Baz gets drunk. And the whole time he's drunk, surrounded by other drunk people, he's thinking about how he hates drunk people. All the while, he's a vampire, surrounded by other vampires, thinking about how much he hates vampires. Lamb even remarks that Baz stands out from the other vampires based on his drinking habits: "And you are the only one of us I've ever met who can't hold his drink." The thing is, Baz is actually enjoying himself! And he's actually able to admit that. ("This is the best night out I've had.") I think the point here is that if Baz allowed himself to try living life as a vampire—to accept that he is one—he'd feel better about himself and the world. He'd be able to let go a little. But then, Lamb grabs a tourist and offers his neck to Baz, and the spell is broken, so to speak. Baz isn't at the point yet where he can take that step. He's only just seen how life for him could be living openly, if he were able to accept his vampiric side. But he hasn't done the work to get there.

This hasn't changed with Lamb's next offer: for Baz to stay in Las Vegas. This conversation does happen after Lamb betrays Baz, but it's still an incredibly important one. It's important, not just because it happens at a critical point in Baz's journey, but also because of how Baz reacts. Lamb might not have known Baz was a magician until earlier in the scene, but he still cuts through all of Baz's bullshit. "I'm glad your friends made it…but that doesn't change reality—nothing can change what you are." Those have to be hard words for Baz to hear. Definitely hard for him to accept. "You saw what I am," is Baz's answer, because of course he only thinks of himself as a magician. Lamb's response is, again, incisive. "Yes. You're one of them. I see that. But Baz, you're one of us, too. Blood will out." The next exchange is the key: "Could I live as a mage in your tower, Lamb?" "Can you live as you are with them?" Baz doesn't answer him. But I think Lamb is actually asking the wrong question. He doesn't understand Simon and Penny. He doesn't believe that anyone in the World of Mages could accept a vampire among them. That's why he doesn't have a hope of convincing Baz. The question he should have asked—the question Baz needs to be asking himself is: Can you let yourself live as you are? Will Baz allow himself to live as a mage AND a vampire?

The answer to that is no. Not at this point in the story—Baz is still very much in denial. But what Lamb does for Baz is show him possibilities. He shows him a world of acceptance, a world free of shame, a community—even if these aren't things that Baz can accept from him. Baz rejects the support that's offered to him, but it's still important that the support is offered at all. There isn't anyone back in England that's offered Baz support in a way that would genuinely help him. There isn't anyone there who can help him in a material way, perhaps apart from Nico, who, as far as we know, is struggling to keep his own life together. When Baz needs help in Las Vegas, he only has two people to call: Malcolm and Fiona. Malcolm may keep the family woods stocked with deer, but he won't even talk to Baz about his vampirism. Fiona…is a vampire hunter for the Coven. Baz needs other people to call. If he takes away nothing else from Lamb, I hope it's the knowledge that there are mentor figures out there who can see him for what he is—mage and vampire—and still want to help. That he has the right to not just ask it, but demand it.

But of course, Baz does take something else away from his association with Lamb, and it's maybe the biggest piece of the puzzle so far. Baz learns how to control his fangs while eating. He can eat in public. He can eat and not be afraid of who will see him. He can eat and not bite himself with his own fangs. This is one of the most pivotal and emotional scenes in Baz's journey, not just because he learns this huge thing, but because Lamb tells him, "you are not an animal…You are a man, Baz. You are in control, not the thirst." This is something Baz has been struggling with since he was a child. This is a huge milestone for him. And it's brand new. WS takes place over one week. That's a super condensed time period. The gang barely has time to breathe. There isn't time for Baz to stop and reflect on this new skill afterward. And while we do get to see his reaction in this scene, we don't get more than passing thought from Baz about how he’s getting better at retracting his fangs at the beginning of AWTWB when he and Baz are eating ham sandwiches. I think there was a missed opportunity in him not commenting on it elsewhere, for instance when he’s able to eat cake in front of Lady Ruth, but that doesn't make this any less earth-shattering for Baz.

There's something even deeper at play here, and that is the start of acceptance. Baz doesn't just keep his fangs back in this scene, he feels them sliding down into place and he pulls them back into himself. He's physically drawing his fangs—his vampirism—into himself.—He's internalizing them. He's taking control and he's accepting them back in. Lamb tells him he's not an animal—Lamb tells him he's in control—and Baz draws his fangs in. I think this is the first moment when Baz finally starts to open up to the idea that being a vampire is a part of him, he just doesn't know that's what he's doing.

We sadly don't get Baz's thoughts on eating in AWTWB, but we do get to see him fully embrace this new freedom and control in his life in a really wonderful way. He eats with Simon, with Lady Ruth and Jamie, with Penny and Baz, with Malcolm and Daphne and his step-siblings. Baz gets to break bread with his family and he doesn't have to be afraid, he doesn't have to hide, he doesn't have worry about cutting himself. The scenes with Lady Ruth are especially joyful as she is a link to Baz's mother, intent on"shoring up [his] foundation". In her, Simon and Baz find a warm, welcoming, supportive older figure. She knows they're both queer and she supports their relationship. She knows about Simon's wings and she wants him to keep them out in her house. She even makes it clear she'd like to fly herself. If she found out about Baz's vampirism, these two things tell us that she would embrace him. Lady Ruth is over the World of Mages politics. She just cares about loving the people around her. By the end of the book, Baz has also succeeded in getting Daphne to come home, and she lets him know she wants him and Simon to visit in Oxford, implying that Malcolm is also amenable, or that she will work to make him so.

All of these relationships are very important for Baz. Even more so, his relationship with Simon. That's where most of the work is done in this book, and that's how it needs to be. I don't mean that it would have been detrimental to have Baz directly working on his vampirism instead, but considering how little time has passed overall since WS, I think the relationship work with Simon was much more critical to laying the foundations for his future progress. Baz needs the people he loves to accept his vampirism and embrace it and love him because of it. I don't think it would be unreasonable to say that everyone else in Baz's life loves him in spite of his vampirism. Simon, on the other hand, loves him because of it. Simon likes it. He's never known a Baz who wasn't a vampire. That's who Simon fell in love with. That, long term, is going to make all the difference to Baz's self-acceptance. The same way that Baz loving Simon's wings and tail and his de-powered self will go a long way to Simon making peace with the loss of his magic. I know that, ideally, we should want for Baz to be able to accept and embrace and love his vampirism without needing to have Simon do that first. But he's been dealing with it pretty much all on his own for fifteen years. He finally has someone to help him bear that burden and they both deserve to have unconditional love and support in their lives after all they've been through. Seeing vampirism through Simon's eyes gives Baz a brand new perspective. He's not comfortable with it, yet, but that perspective can only help to show him that being a vampire doesn't make him a monster or a villain.

Simon is so unbothered by Baz's vampirism, he insists on going hunting with him. He's been trying to convince Baz to take him hunting since the night they first kissed. It isn't until after they've broken up and reconciled that Baz allows it. Hunting is a fact of Baz's life, and sharing that with Simon shows us that he's opening up. If Baz is willing to let Simon see him in his element as a vampire—hunting, killing, drinking blood—then he's willing to let Simon see him as a vampire. It solidifies the idea in an irreversible way. Simon has seen Baz drink before in a limited way—he talks about Baz drinking a squirrel, he steals a dog for him, he insists on going with Baz when they're on Margaret's mountain, he's there for the bird apocalypse—but the scene in the alley in AWTWB seems to be the first time he's really been a part of things. The conversation they have is honest and messy and Baz gets blood all over himself. And he lets Simon see him this way! He tells Simon to “Turn around” so that he can see him covered in blood! They're being open and raw. Simon tells Baz he'd let him drink his blood.

Baz gets upset by Simon suggesting that Baz drink from him, but Simon makes his feelings clear, in the alley, and then later at Watford. Even though Baz doesn't like the idea and tries to shut the conversation down both times, he can't be ignorant of Simon's intentions. Simon is very clear: "Just know…that I'd do anything for you. That I'd let you do anything to me. There's nothing about you I don't want." —There's nothing about you I don't want.— Baz cannot have any doubts after this conversation that Simon accepts and embraces his vampirism. It's part of the way Simon wants to be with Baz, and that's going to help change Baz's mind about himself. But he's not there yet. And that's okay. They have the rest of their lives. They've only just barely reconciled and they're trying to figure out how to navigate this second chance. As much as I would like to see Baz drink from Simon—because that would show him truly embracing that side of himself—this isn't the time for it. I want them to get to a really comfortable place first, and things are still very new and uncertain. I have no doubt that they have the tools in place to build a sturdy foundation and that is imperative for Baz to take a positive view of drinking human blood—as long as that human is Simon.

Sticking a little longer with this second conversation around human blood drinking because it shows Baz's perspective at this point and how it has shifted even from WS. When Simon tells Baz, "You know that you aren't more responsible for vampires just because you are a vampire…" Baz asks, "Aren't I? They're my kind." —They're my kind.— Baz is grouping himself in with vampires, out loud, to Simon. When Simon pushes back on this by calling Baz "their victim", Baz's response is, again, to group himself with other vampires: "All vampires are victims." As the conversation goes on, Baz is the one taking the defensive position, giving vampires the benefit of the doubt that "they don't know a different way to survive" and denying that he's "special". This is a huge shift in his attitude from the Ren Faire when he was ready to kill the other vampires on sight, and continued to insist on their guilt to Simon, and distance himself from them. Baz's time in Vegas with Lamb has definitely changed his outlook and it will continue to do so, the longer he has to digest everything.

Later on, after Baz confronts the truth of what he did to Philippa, his thoughts turn once more to his place among vampires. "Since we left America, I've been trying to decide what I'm culpable for…what about those vampires at the Renaissance Faire? I thought they were murderers—but at the time, I thought all vampires were murderers…I don't know what I feel." Here, again, we see evidence of the changes in Baz's mindset toward vampires in general, and his place among them. Maybe he still thinks vampires are "death", but he's no longer black-and-white about vampires being inherently bad. He's feeling torn and guilty and he's contemplating his identity and culpability in a way he's not done before. This shows an immense about of growth and progress from where he started out in CO, and even in WS. If Baz is taking the time to have this introspection, then it's likely a topic he's going to return to in future—when life settles down for Baz and Simon, he'll have a lot of opportunities to do some soul searching.

While I'm on the topic of the Philippa storyline… Baz's shame around his vampirism was fostered by his family and another positive in favor of Baz making peace with himself is the way we see him finally start to push back against the harmful influences in his life—especially confronting Fiona about what happened to Philippa. Baz is able to recognize the way Fiona manipulated and exploited him as a child and he calls her out on it. While he ultimately decides to forgive her in order to keep her in his life, he's not going to allow her to influence him in the same way again. One thing I really appreciated about AWTWB is how it shows that parental figures and mentors are just as flawed and human as the younger generation. The plot lines with Philippa and the tape recorder, Daphne succumbing to Smith Smith-Richards's message, and Malcolm being unable to take care of his children without help, work together to show Baz that the people he's spent his life looking up to and modeling himself after are far from perfect, and not actually any better at navigating the challenges of life than he is at twenty. He finally recognizes the influence they've had over him (some of that positive, as with Daphne) and that he can decide for himself if he's going to continue to let them influence him. He's asserting his agency over his narrative and that will be as much about his queerness, his place in his family, his place as a Pitch, his place in the Old Families, his place in the World of Mages, his place with Simon, as it is his vampirism.

The Philippa incident is touched on briefly a couple times in CO, and then dismissed with the belief that the loss of her voice will be temporary. Rainbow could have left her story alone, and we would have had to simply write it off the way Baz, Simon, and Agatha did in CO. I'm glad she didn't because I actually think that the Philippa plot line was really important for Baz's peace of mind and will ultimately help him reconcile with his vampirism. As much as Baz always viewed himself as a villain, he hasn't done a lot of truly villainous things, except for stealing Philippa's voice. By contrast, Baz's conduct as a vampire is unimpeachable—from the standpoint of harm done to other people. Philippa was victimized by Baz the mage and not Baz the vampire. If any one act in Baz's life is going to reinforce his negative self-image, it's going to be that act.

For me, it was really satisfying to have some reckoning and resolution on this. This is something Baz needs for himself. He has to face Philippa again, he has to face what he did to her, he has to face his motivations, he has to face his response. I mentioned before how Baz has long viewed himself as a villain, and also how stealing Philippa's voice is really the most villainous thing he's ever done. Baz can't really ever accept his vampirism as long as he views it as villainous and views himself as a villain. This is what prompts him to separate himself mentally from vampires—identifying only as a magician for most of the trilogy. His only reference point for fifteen years is the attack on Watford that resulted in Natasha's death and his Turning. He has more reference points now, new, more positive experiences. He understands that the ideas he has about vampirism from childhood are incredibly limited and not wholly accurate. (Vampires don't have to kill or Turn. They've been hunted and marginalized and demonized. They're not all monsters, just as not all mages are good.) I think Baz's family were able to excuse and even justify asking him, as a child, to do horrible things in the name of war and family pride, because of his vampirism. To them, it diminished his humanity, and was inherently "dark", and therefore, meant to some degree, he was irredeemable. This is something Baz internalized: "My road to hell isn't paved with good intentions or bad. It's just my road." Baz is finally coming out of this way of thinking.

In WS, Baz sees that vampires have far more humanity than he ever believed. He's starting to accept that his vampirism is a part of him and not just something that was done to him. I think the last piece in this puzzle is his view of himself, not in terms of vampire or mage, but in terms of his character. With the Philippa plot line, he has the chance to face his past and consciously choose for himself what kind of person he wants to be and how he's going to live his life—he's not going to let anyone else decide that for him anymore. It's a reckoning that Baz takes so much to heart that he's willing to give Philippa his wand—a symbol of sacrifice in order to prove himself repentant. Ultimately, his acceptance of vampirism is dependent on his acceptance of himself. Really then, this becomes a journey about Baz accepting all of his parts, not just his vampirism.—If he continues in his self-loathing, no amount of growth in regard to vampirism will make material difference.

By the end of AWTWB, Baz is in a place of healing and growth, and I think we can feel confident that will continue because he has a loving support system. If he's not living in constant terror that his relationship with Simon will crumble, then he can put that energy into further, much needed, personal growth. Things in his life are settling down: Simon is committed to him, Malcolm and Daphne have reconciled, Fiona is getting married. And positive change is on the horizon: Daphne is going to work on getting Malcolm to accept Simon, Fiona is marrying a vampire (and is apparently letting him drink from her) and will probably be doing some deep reflection herself, Simon is going to have Lady Ruth and Jamie to help him move forward. This is all groundwork for Baz to move forward, too. Fiona's going to wield less sway over Baz, Malcolm isn't going to be able to feed Baz's internalized homophobia, Nico will be in the picture to begrudgingly dispense further vampire life lessons, Simon is going to call him "hot" and insist on hunting date nights. Baz knows his vampirism won't prevent him from growing old with the man he loves, as long as he continues to rely on animals for sustenance. Baz has also reframed the way he regards Simon, letting him down off his pedestal and viewing him as a real person and an equal, instead of an ideal that he has to somehow strive to be worthy of: "I'm lying in bed with Simon Snow. No—I'm lying in bed with Simon. With Snow."

None of these are small victories, and taken together, I think we have a lot to feel good about in terms of where Baz is ending this part of his journey. The important thing to bear in mind is that it's not an ending. We leave Simon and Baz in the middle of a conversation, because their story isn't over, it's just up to us to write the next chapter.

Anon, if you’ve made it this far, I really hope this helps you to feel better about Baz's progress.

If anyone has additional thoughts, counterarguments, headcanons for Baz's future, or questions (about anything!) send them to me! ❤️

#asks #awtwb spoilers

[thespoonisvictory]

ajr themes anon back! I was pretty much excitedly nodding all through reading your post, you summarized it all so well especially with the evolution of the click’s themes into neotheater’s.

the click very much is a simple beginning to ajr’s thematic journey that, as you said, is more surface recognition of a problem. sound-wise the album is still has the peppy pop identity of their debut album living room, which lends to the click’s general vibe. however, neotheater leans into a more dramatic style that I love bc it supports that transition into a more mature exploration of these themes about fame and how it’s disconnected them from childhood. more pathetic (slash affectionate) is a good way to describe the album tbh and it’s why it’s my favorite as well.

the way samples of other songs are woven into each track is also so good, like how the tune of 100 bad days is in karma’s bridge to create this contrast between 100BD’s effort to stay positive and the ultimate thanklessness of it in karma. it’s the bits like those that make the album feel the most thematically cohesive and honest

ok orchestra is interesting because it’s more relaxed compared to neotheater despite the similarities in structure. I believe ajr themselves said that they took inspiration from musical theatre for the album’s sound, which is neat in the context of its predecessor — if neotheater used theatrics to create a grander, overwhelming tone, then ok orchestra is using them playfully. it’s still a lot of self retrospection, but less serious this time around! world’s smallest violin is a pseudo sequel to karma in that way, taking the latter’s themes of mental health and giving a more lighthearted take that shows that things are getting better.

and yessss christmas in june carries OO, it’s just such a perfect ending not just to its album but to the whole era of ajr as a whole. it’s not trying to be as serious as neotheater’s finale, but has more maturity than the click’s come hang out. it’s special because it’s so earnest and hopeful in comparison :]

sorry for the huge chunk of text lmao, your analysis for better or worse unlocked a buried part of my brain

hello! thank you for a long response bc this has been living rent free in my head!

I do rlly enjoy how neotheater has one sample from another song mixed into every song, it's very fun to have that instead of an overture.

Playful is exactly the word I was looking for here, the way oo uses nt's grandeur for fun and, well, grandness, rather than overwhelming sadness, is so refreshing and gives a sense of actual progression that culminates in christmas in june (the beloved)

somehow here I've swung back around to enjoying or at least thinking about a band I thought I was done with, so-- that's a win I guess

#asks #spoon rambles

[just-like-playing-tag]

A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2020 - June 13, 2021

2019-2020

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: It's our first morning

Date: Aug 20th, 2020 Time: ~ 2:18 h I really like how this one turned out!!! The 2020 Emma b-day edit has a lot of major panel redraws, but this is probably my favorite. I I really enjoy how I made the shadows work!! And the ear banfage looks pretty neat. Nice!!! Immagine

#2: Norman birthday edit 2021

Date: Mar 20th, 2021 Time: ~ 2:21 h Awww, soft Norman :') There was a bit to redraw, but I think everything turned out pretty neat!!! I believe everything works out fine. Though looking back at it, the part of the ID I added is definitely top small :')

#3: Manga dub: Yuugo gets knocked out

Date: Mar 27th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:05 h Here start the Manga Dub redraws to which I gave my everything ahah. This one turned out nice! I think the shoes turned out particularly good eheh. I like how Yuugo's clothing lineart- for the texture, I wanted to go for something heterogeneous, but I'm not fully confident in the final result. Gilda looks very rushed but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#4: Manga dub: Yuugo makes his dramatic entrance

Date: Apr 5th, 2021 Time: ~ 4:02 h This is pretty cool!!!! The coat took ages to redraw, but sis it turned out perfect!!! I'm very proud of this.

#5: Manga dub: RayGildEmma hug!!!

Date: Apr 9th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:31 h Awww, a beautiful panel I was really happy to have the chance to redraw. Taking into account what there was to redraw, I'm actually surprised with how little this took! Ray's backpack was a pain to make, but I think it turned out fine. I'm very happy with Emma and Ray's heads!!

#6: Manga dub: Formalities

Date: Apr 12th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:31 h It is not always easy to give sense to Demizu's perspective, but I do my best!!! In this I am *so* happy with how Don and Ray turned out, they look neat! The background on the other hand... It took hours to make ahah. I'm not fully confident in the perspective, but I'm happy with the details I've added- I really did my best to make it look like athe other manga panels and I think it paid off!!!

#7: Manga dub: We may be weaklings, but we're still alive

Date: Apr 30th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:37 h This little Emma is so cute!!!!!! I think the redraw turned out pretty perfect. I'm really satisfied with how this one turned out, and it's such a cute little Emma!!!! She's so brave and optimistic, I love her. It's a shame this panel didn't make it to the episode :')

#8: Manga dub: Goldy Pond Gang

Date: May 7th, 2021 Time: ~ 8:44 h lmao This is probably the panel redraw I'm the most proud of ever :') Just think everyone turned out very nice!! The ceiling is not exactly perfect, but it still works somehow. I'm very happy with how Gillian's back turned out!! I don't really like the fading effect on the right, but 8h in I got pretty tired of working on this ahah

#9: Manga dub: This is Goldy Pond

Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 1:29 h I'm very glad for how the Manga dub has been challenging me to learn to redraw backgrounds, something I had quite literally never tried before. It can be a little frustrating, but it's so satisfying to see the final cleaned piece!! With this panel, I also learnt to use copy and paste, which is something I had never done before beyond texture

#10: Manga dub: Good morning doctor

Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 3:42 h This is another background that turned out pretty good!! That one Norman is one I knew I would have had to fully redraw sooner or lager- the background was a bonus ahah. I'm very happy with the final result!!

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: The Promised Neverland manga ending edit

Date: Jun 14th 2020 Time: ~ 12h 41min (5h 45min of cleaning panels in the edit + 5h 37min of cleaning panels that didn't make it to the edit + 1h 19min of resizing) + time spent cleaning panels I've deleted the file of so I can't see lmao This is overall very nice!!! The concept of an Emma evolution through her back is cool, and I think overall the edit turned out very aesthetically pleasing. The concept idea came to me while I was working on the 2019 Emma's birthday edit, a long time before the manga ending announcement- back then I wouldn't have imagined using it in occasion of the manga ending, but I think it ended up making a nice tribute. The colors add a nice touch, since so far my edits had always been black and white- it makes a sweet closure. To make that edit I selected 76 panels of Emma framed from her back; I plan to make other versions of that edit using the discarded panels eventually!

#2: Emma - Chapter 181: Beyond Destiny

Date: Jul 12th 2020 Time: 2h 57min My last edit for the manga 🥺🥺 I think this one is my very "manga ending edit" because to me it really signed the ending of weekly chapters and their weekly chapter edits. It makes me a little sad to look at it, but it's also, I don't know, kinda sweet to see how I grew both in my panel cleaning and as a person since I first started my blog. I'm glad I got into TPN!

#3: Emma birthday edit 2020

Date: Aug 22nd 2020 Time: 8h 54min This one turned out so well!!! Though I used the same concept for all the trio edits, I think this one is the best one. The two panels on the left / two panels on the right alternation combo never fails ahah. The colors are nice (shout-out to my sister for making me a palette), despite the fact that it was hard for the lighter ones to make them work with the images without having those disappear. I'm very satisfied with the panels I chose for this, I think they work really good together! Also, it got me very happy to read everyone's comments saying they liked the fading effect in the last panel :)

#4: Emma + Eyes Close Ups [1/?]

Date: Jan 24th 2021 Time: 5h 55min This one was really nice!! Another idea I got when working on the 2019 Emma birthday edit I was glad to finally execute. Started the edit in September, finished it in December. I'm overall very happy with how it turned out... I hope I will be able to make more in the future!

#5: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (9/?) » 114 // 122

Date: Feb 23th 2021 Time: 5h 7min (panel cleaning only) Aaaaahh I really like this one!!!! A parallel I love very much, and I'm really happy with how the edit turned out. All the hair redrawing looks neat!!!! The gif is maybe a little excessive, but I think overall it's a nice edit. I like it!!! Fun fact, I completed it on August 26th 2020, but I couldn't find the right moment to post it ahah.

Honorable mention: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (5/?) » 08 // 16

Date: Aug 30th 2020 Time: 2h 52min (Second picture cleaning only; I deleted the first picture art file so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) I don't have much to say about this one except!! It turned out very nice!!!!! Love the pen lmao.

Top 10 analysis:

Too many analysis,,

#1: Post chapter 181 Emma analysis

Date: Jul 9th 2020 Mmmh a nice analysis. I think it was important for me to put down in words what I think of Emma's characterization and the manga ending, so I'm happy I did it!

#2: A long Oliver analysis because I love him very much

Date: Dec 6th 2020 What can I say I just love Oliver tons 😔😔💕💕 This was very fun to make!!!

#3: TPN s2 previsions

Date: Jan 14th 2021 Really love the effort that went into this + me proving that 11 episodes GP could have possibly worked + it's just a lot of fun to read again after s2 ended pffft

#4: More s2 delusional previsions lmao

Date: Jan 27th 2021 I think the points and previsions I made where pretty neat!! In my defense, it was pretty impossible to predict the anime would have ended with this season. I always feel honoured when friends and Anon ask for my opinion, I'm like "you wanna know what I think? Wow. I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍) " Thank you to anyone who ever sent me an ask!!

#5: Why Emma not wearing pants is 𝕨𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘

Date: Jan 29th 2021 Really proud of this!!! Pants Emma is important!!!!!

#6: Post episode 5 manga Emma analysis

Date: Feb 4th 2021 A depressed analysis, but a necessary one 😔

#7: Norman analysis

Date: Feb 12th 2021 I love him!!!! And I'm happy I eventually got to put down in words what I love about his character. The day I posted this ww3.readneverland was in maintenance so I couldn't use the volume scans for it- the thought of that post having fan edited and fan translated scans still haunts me

#8: RayDon rambles

Date: May 12th 2021 I had a blast writing this and like. It's likely the post of mine I reread more often of them all. I love this ship tons!!!!! I'm satisfied with how I put down in words what I like about them. I LOVE THIS SHIP

#9: Chapter 58 analysis

Date: May 23th 2021 I've wanted to express this concept since like the first time reading the manga- I'm so happy I finally did!!!! This concept is one of my absolute favorite things about tpn- the feelings that people are good. The concept that kids who got to live in an healthy and supportive environment will always be inclined to kindness and altruism, because humans are just inherently good. From the Three Character Classic: “people at birth are inherently good”. I want to have faith and courage to hold on the goodness in myself, and to hold on the goodness in the world, no matter how difficult it to do that (Chloé Zhao).

#10: Norman and Lambda squad relationship analysis

Date: May 24th 2021 I think this was a pretty sharp analysis and I like what I did with it!!

Other stuff:

#1: Krone birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th 2020 This edit is so good ;; Like not perfect since it was my first attempt at coloring gifs but still I believe it turned out so good ;;;;;; The time and effort that went unto this is crazy, but... Maybe I'm happy to have dedicated time to something I like for a satisfying result.

#2: Get to know my ship- Wolfpack Trio

Date: Aug 24th 2020 Uuuh a good post. A good ship.

#3: Gilda + blank glasses

Date: Aug 27th 2020 This is such a cute nice compilation!!! I love looking at it. A few panels are missing but still :')

#4: Apollo Ray AU

Date: Sep 7th 2020 (Though it was written Sep 2nd 2019 lmao) I'm so happy I finally gathered the courage to post this 😭😭 I really enjoy what I did with this AU, so this one and its other installments are all posts I have a lot of fun rereading. More than everything, I was astounded and overjoyed by the positive response it got: that gave me tons of confidence to put my ideas out there, no matter how unique they sound!!! Here's to hoping I will be able to post my RayEmma Hadestown AU, by other big AU from late summer 2019 :')

#5: TPN timeline project

Date: Dec 2nd 2020 This is like. I don't know it's a lot ahah. Arguably the project I'm the most proud of ever making. I'm just so happy of all the months long hard work and of the final result!! The post didn't receive much response (though the ones I got were extremely kind and sweethearted so that totally makes up for it), but in the end I don't really mind? I'm just so proud I accomplished that idea :')

#6: TPN calendar

Date: Jan 4th 2021 A nice sum of the tpn timeline + everyone's birth dates!!! I really like how it turned out visually. It's a cute little tpn calendar!!!

#7: Ray smiles compilation

Date: Jan 17th 2021 Ray's smile. That's it that's the post :')

#8: Trans Oliver headcanons

Date: Jan 24th 2021 MMMH really like this headcanon I think about it a lot

#9: Thoma and Lani theory

Date: Jan 28th 2021 I really don't want to brag but this is the best joke I've ever made :')

#10: My TPN AUs

Date: May 10th 2021 Ok you gotta admit those are very good AUs, I'm glad to have made a list out of them!!!

#11: Ranking Emma promotional art outfits

Date: May 16th 2021 This is one people seem to have liked a lot which makes me happy ahah. I'm glad to know we can all agree Emma deserves more pants outfits!! Please stop it with the gendered clothing :') This is the post I want to be remembered for

#12: TPN musicals AU part 2

Date: May 20th 2021 A GREAT POST I can't stretch enough how happy I am with those character-song associations. I hope I have time to make a part 3 in the future!!

#13: TPN Drive folder

Date: May 30th 2021 This was born as a way for me to have all the tpn extra contents easily accessible, but I'm happy to have shared it with people- I hope it will turn out to be useful to others too!

#14: TPN s2 recolorings

Date: Jun 12th 2021 A more diverse children cast is good for the soul :')

That's it, this year was really fun!! Thank you to everyone who supported me through it, I can't express how grateful I am for all the kindness and validation I received. Here's to many more months in the fandom!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

#mine #tpn #the promised neverland #tpn manga spoilers #Tumblr: *literally refuses to let me open the post* #Me: *Turns on my computer* B*TCH YOU THOUGHT I'M POSTING THIS TODAY AND NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME #Been working on this for four hours now.. I'm literally dead... #Also thank you Tutu for deleting the other post you're the sweetest :') #Once again this is just a personal report you don't have to read all (or any) of it unless you want to :) #Ok to reblog btw #I'll click the post button now I don't want to hear anyrhing else

[ohnobjyx]

Hi! Thanks for all your posts, I can’t stop reading them :) Do you have anything on the presents that they have given each other? If im not wrong i know xz gave yb a helmet in 2018 right?

Hi, anon! Thank you for the love anon, and yes, I do have something. Right now I’m in a hurry to write this post because I’ve just seen dd’s last Oasis post, and it’s...

Well, I’m lucky I’d already looked it up at least. So, let’s get into it!

Disclaimer: all is fake, fake, fake

Gifts dd gave to gg

Let’s start with the short, easy part, since the next part is going to get long. The most well-known gift (that we know) dd has given to gg is a pair of Nike sneakers, that dd showed off in TTXS too.

So, why do fans think dd gave this sneakers to gg?

Dd has access to limited editions and new models from the brands he endorses, Nike among them. He once said that he usually buy 2 pairs of shoes, one to wear casually and the other pair to skate.

The Daisy Nike sneakers were a limited edition that were sold out in 0,6 second. That’s why it’s very unlikely that gg bought this sneakers himself. Moreover, Nike has never been a staple in his wardrobe before. 

They wore the same pair of shoes the same day (that’s why fans think it was a gift instead of their usual clothes sharing). They wore them on December 28, the day of the Tencent Awards.

A week earlier, dd had posted an Oasis post with a photo of the sneakers. The same day, gg posted Spongebob’s laughing mouth as a response.

Gifts gg gave to dd

Okay, so now we are moving on to the long part of the post. There are few well-known gifts from gg to dd.

1. The helmet.

Gg gave it to dd on the day of his birthday in 2018, when they were on set filming CQL. This is a public one, and, as you can see, bxg don’t make a fuss over things that are made public and innocent. It’s when they try to hide things that bxg go like 👀.

What’s curious about this one is that there is an actual video of dd unwrapping gifts on the set. However, when he’s later asked about what he received on his 21st birthday in interviews, he never fails to mention the helmet, but only once mentions a gift from the production team and another from LHK. Nothing about any other gifts, in spite of videos proving that he did receive a lot of gifts.

2. The necklace

This one is also very well-known. Dd was seen wearing it for the first time on June 19, 2019, a year after their Dragon Boat Festival “date”, so the anniversary vibes are strong in this one. He was also in Chongqing’s airport, out of all places of China. But well. Nothing to be added.

3. The blue zipper sneakers

The story of this pair of shoes go back to October 21 in 2019, a week before their last fan meeting in Nanjing.

That, another actor, for reasons we don’t know, posted a short: “XZ, you are nothing”. The comment was trending as top 1 in the hot search chart, and antis were all commenting on it.

Dd had been filming YF in the mountains, and that day, at night, he posted a photo of his old sneakers: “Used to the point of a hole... good bye, battle shoes... the next ones will do well too!” (bxg think it was as soon as he got signal again, he saw what happened and published something to divert the attention). 

It didn’t seem a very well thought strategy, but it did get the attention away from the topic of XZ.

This was noticed by bxg because dd was seen wearing this pair of shoes again, in less than a month.

Then, moving on to the October 31 or November 1, when they were practicing for the concert, we get these photos.

Dd is the one wearing the green shoes at the beginning of the practice. By the end of the night, he was wearing the blue ones. That night, he updated his Oasis account with a photo of the sneakers, and a caption with 3 embarrassed emojis (as we all know by now, 3 in kadian represent gg).

There a few options here:

He bought the shoes himself. Then it’d be more likely that he wore that pair from the beginning instead of changing shoes in the middle of a practice.

The brand send them to him. The brand wouldn’t send them to Nanjing to him, where he was staying just a couple of days for the concert. Besides, the caption with the 3 emojis doesn’t seem like something he’d do for a endorsement.

So, the last option is that someone gifted them to him. The caption makes sense then, and one of the people he met that day that he hadn’t seen in a while was gg. It also fits with the problem gg had had a week before, and from which dd had helped him with a pair of battered shoes. It looks like a thank you gift to me.

Not just that, but a few days later, in an event for H&S, dd was wearing them, and would “pet” them and almost afterwards touch his hair. It’s almost like he didn’t want people to miss his shoes. That day dd was also in a sour mood, and bxg speculate it was because of the photos that had leaked of gg kissing his costar cheek.

4. Another helmet (?)

On the same day he posted the photo of the daisy Nike sneakers, he also posted a picture of this helmet. Bxg speculate it may have been a gift from gg (since dd gave him the sneakers) because of the 3 emojis, so it may be. However, there’s no real proof for this one, just the emojis pattern, which brings us to the last one.

5. The black sneakers

So dd updated his Oasis account today with this:

So let’s do the 3 possibilities analysis again:

He bought them himself. He has never shown off his sneakers like this. If he did, it was usually a photo of the sneakers in their box. Why the photo with the insistence, pointing the shoes? Why a caption with 3 little smug faces?

The brand sent them to him. Well, he does endorse Nike. But again, the caption isn’t professional enough, and the endorsements are usually posted on w/ibo, not on Oasis.

Someone gifted him the shoes (since it was his birthday last week, I wouldn’t find it so strange). Again, he’s not saying anything about no one. But...  does the emojis pattern look familiar?

And, just in case he wasn’t being obvious enough, the kadian is 200814 00:33.

#ask #my post #yizhan #bjyx #written in 2 hours #I hope it turned out okay because it's late here and I want to go to sleep now #gifts they gave each other #they're so sweet

[butterflies-dragons]

Hey love your metas! I want to ask about Sansa dealing with her sexual assaults and trauma. The way she mismemorised the traumatic events, do you think she gonna misremember any other similar traumatic events in future? Do you think her family will help her remember these events n dealing with it?

Hello Anon,

Thank you ♡

I recently wrote about Sansa dealing with trauma, particularly sexual assault trauma. 

Here is the post for anyone interested. 

And here is another one.  

Almost every meta, essay, analysis, etc, about the so-called “un-kiss”, has been written from a sexual perspective.  For the majority of this fandom, either shippers or not, Sansa remembering a kiss instead of the sexual assault she suffered and later having nightmares with her assaulter being in bed with her, CLEARLY means that she is having sexual fantasies with her assaulter, that she is expressing her dark, repressed, hidden, deepest desires about her assaulter, that all this is part of her sexual awakening.  

But every time GRRM has been asked about the subject, either from a sexual perspective or not, he consistently tagged Sansa misremembering things and events as “unreliable narrator.” Lets see.

In chronological order:

JUNE 26, 2001

SF, TARGARYENS, VALYRIA, SANSA, MARTELLS, AND MORE

[GRRM is asked about Sansa misremembering the name of Joffrey’s sword.]

The Lion’s Paw / Lion’s Tooth business, on the other hand, is intentional. A small touch of the unreliable narrator. I was trying to establish that the memories of my viewpoint characters are not infallible. Sansa is simply remembering it wrong. A very minor thing (you are the only one to catch it to date), but it was meant to set the stage for a much more important lapse in memory. You will see, in A STORM OF SWORDS and later volumes, that Sansa remembers the Hound kissing her the night he came to her bedroom… but if you look at the scene, he never does. That will eventually mean something, but just now it’s a subtle touch, something most of the readers may not even pick up on.

[Source]

It is very curious that the person who misremembered Joffrey’s sword name wasn’t Sansa, it was Arya:

The big man shrugged. "I was Joffrey's sworn shield. The butcher's boy attacked a prince of the blood."

"That's a lie!" Arya squirmed in Harwin's grip. "It was me. I hit Joffrey and threw Lion's Paw in the river. Mycah just ran away, like I told him."

—A Storm of Swords - Arya VI

But despite the unreliable narrator’s identity confusion, what I understand from George’s answer is that misremembering a minor detail like Joff’s sword name “it was meant to set the stage for a much more important lapse in memory,” like the “un-kiss” for example, that George mentioned next. 

At the same time, the “un-kiss” will eventually mean something, but just now it’s a subtle touch, something most of the readers may not even pick up on.

Take note that George’s answer is from 2001, after ASOS was published, so by that time he already knew about the existence of the shippers that want Sansa with the Hound being together in a romantic/sexual relationship. You can check this fact by reading the questions and answers from 1999 compiled in this post.  But he still mentioned that the meaning of the “un-kiss” was “a subtle touch, something most of the readers may not even pick up on.” 

So much for the so-called “evident”, “canon”, “endgame“ ship and ASOS being “their ship’s book”  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

* * *

OCTOBER 05, 2002

SANSA’S MEMORY

[Note: This mail has been edited for brevity.]

… this is an inconsistency with ASoS more than an outright error. In ASoS, Sansa thinks that the Hound kissed her before leaving her room and King’s Landing. In ACoK, no kiss is mentioned in the scene, though Sansa did think that he was about to do so.

Well, not every inconsistency is a mistake, actually. Some are quite intentional. File this one under “unreliable narrator” and feel free to ponder its meaning...

[Source]

Here George’s answer is more succinct: the “un-kiss” is not a mistake, it was intentional, file this one under “unreliable narrator.”

* * *

NOVEMBER 27, 2007

GEORGE R.R. MARTIN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS

Here’s a really particular question (which I realize means it probably won’t get asked in a general interview): In A Storm of Swords, there is a chapter early on where Sansa is thinking back to the scene at the end of A Clash of Kings when The Hound came into her room during the battle. She thinks in the chapter about how he kissed her, but in the scene in A Clash of Kings, this actually didn’t happen. Was that a typo or something? —Valdora

GRRM: It’s not a typo. It is something! [Laughs] ”Unreliable narrator” is the key phrase there. The second scene is from Sansa’s thoughts. And what does that reveal about her psychologically? I try to be subtle about these things.

[Source]

Here George gave us little clues:

[The un-kiss] is from Sansa’s thoughts [an internal thought for herself, she is not telling anyone that the Hound kissed her]

What does that reveal about her psychologically? 

I try to be subtle about these things

Also take note how GRRM repeatedly highlights the word “subtle” regarding the “un-kiss”:

but just now it’s a subtle touch (After ASOS but before AFFC)

I try to be subtle about these things (Shortly after AFFC)

This is a stark contrast with the majority of this fandom, either shippers or not, that interpret and believe that Sansa remembering a kiss instead of the sexual assault she suffered and later having nightmares with her assaulter being in bed with her, CLEARLY has to do with her sexual awakening, that the “un-kiss” means that she is having sexual fantasies with her assaulter, that she is expressing her dark, repressed, hidden, deepest desires about her assaulter.  

And I wonder, since Sansa has similar dreams with Ilyn Payne and often feels naked around him:

As the headsman looked at her, his pale colorless eyes seemed to strip the clothes away from her, and then the skin, leaving her soul naked before him. Still silent, he turned and walked away.

—A Game of Thrones - Sansa I

She dreamt of footsteps on the tower stair, an ominous scraping of leather on stone as a man climbed slowly toward her bedchamber, step by step. All she could do was huddle behind her door and listen, trembling, as he came closer and closer. It was Ser Ilyn Payne, she knew, coming for her with Ice in his hand, coming to take her head. There was no place to run, no place to hide, no way to bar the door. Finally the footsteps stopped and she knew he was just outside, standing there silent with his dead eyes and his long pocked face. That was when she realized she was naked. She crouched down, trying to cover herself with her hands, as her door began to swing open, creaking, the point of the greatsword poking through …

She woke murmuring, “Please, please, I’ll be good, I’ll be good, please don’t,” but there was no one to hear.

—A Game of Thrones - Sansa VI

Once she dreamed it was still her marrying Joff, not Margaery, and on their wedding night he turned into the headsman Ilyn Payne. 

—A Storm of Swords - Sansa II

Does this mean that Sansa is having sexual fantasies with her father’s executioner as well? Does this mean that Sansa has dark, repressed, hidden, deepest desires about Ilyn Payne too?

I think that the “un-kiss” has to do with Sansa’s internal thoughts, how her mind works, how her mind deals with unpleasant/disturbing events. So in order to decipher its meaning we must ask ourselves about Sansa’s psychology, she is a deeply traumatized child by many events: Her direwolf’s death, her father’s death, the disillusionment of her Prince and the Queen as high moral figures, the disillusionment of the knights as fair heroes, the psychological, physical and sexual abuse she has suffered so far.  The “un-kiss” is a subtlety from the author, this can’t be as easy as “Sansa has the hots for the Hound”. 

Sansa: All she wanted was for things to be nice and pretty, the way they were in the songs. —A Game of Thrones - Sansa I

Sansa: Almost raped by the Hound during the night of the Blackwater Battle, he invaded her bedroom, pushed her to bed, put a dagger at her throat, requested a song from her under threat of death.  

There is a song called “Off to Gulltown” that says:

Off to Gulltown to see the fair maid, heigh-ho, heigh-ho. I’ll steal a sweet kiss with the point of my blade, heigh-ho, heigh-ho. I’ll make her my love and we’ll rest in the shade, heigh-ho, heigh-ho.

Sansa: The Hound kissed me during the night of the Blackwater Battle.

Fandom/Shippers: Sansa fancies the Hound uhhhhhhhhh

Sansa: Has unpleasant memories of the “un-kiss” feeling soiled by it. 

Sansa: Has a nightmare about Tyrion and the Hound in bed with her the night after Marillion attempted to rape her.

Fandom/Shippers: Sansa fancies the Hound and have fun dreams with him uhhhhhhhhhh

It's really all that easy?

George hates to be predictable:

I spoke earlier about how predictable stories bore me. And we’ve all, you know, seen the stories where the hero, you know, he seems to get in trouble—he’s all alone, he’s surrounded by twenty foes, but he’s the hero! You know he’s going to get out of it; you’re not really engaged. I want you to be engaged. I want you to feel what the viewpoint character is feeling. If the viewpoint character is in trouble, I want you to be afraid, I want you not to know whether he’s going to get out of it. And I think the only way to do that is establish very early in the books that you’re playing for real, that anyone can die, and if the character’s in a life or death situation that he might not survive it. That these are not superheroes, these are not Indiana Jones. These are fallible human beings who are vulnerable to death and betrayal and all that. To my mind, that makes the stories much more suspenseful and gripping and emotionally involving.

(...)

I also liked the idea of the story not being predictable. Too much of fantasy is too predictable, you know? They say we write the stories that we want to read. And I was a reader long before I was a writer, and as a reader I love stories that take me to places that I don’t expect, and I hate stories where you read the first five pages and you know exactly what’s going to happen for the rest of the book. Those stories bore me very quickly, and I don’t want to bore my readers or indeed bore myself in writing, so I try to, you know, create a fairly complicated thing that’s full of twists and surprises and unexpected turns, but all of them rooted hopefully in human nature and arising out of the characters and the desires and wishes and dreams of those characters.

—A Dance With Dragons: George R. R. Martin

And he is always distracting us:

There are some mysteries in these books. There are some things that I’m gonna reveal later on that I’m planting clues for. There are some later plot twists that I’m foreshadowing. There are things that are gonna happen in Book 5 and Book 6 and Book 7 where I’ve planted a seed for it in Book 1. But I don’t necessarily want to give away my hand. So, what do I do when I plant the seed? Well, I plant the seed, but I try to do a little literary sleight of hand, and while I’m planting the seed, my other hand is up there waving and is distracting you with some flashy bit of wordplay or something that’s going on in the foreground, while the seed is being planted in the background. So hopefully the seed is there, the foreshadowing is there, but maybe you won’t notice it, because it’s surrounded by so many other things.

—The George R. R. Martin Podcast, Episode 7 (9:17)  

Transcription provided by this post.

Think about it!    

* * *

DECEMBER 2016 ASKING GEORGE R.R. MARTIN ABOUT SAN/SAN

My question is regarding Sansa Stark. Her sexuality has evolved through every book and yet the memory that seems to stick the more with her in this regard is the night of the Blackwater. So I was wondering if you can expand on your view on what this is, since as before that night her interactions with Sandor Clegane weren’t really physical.

The night of the Blackwater, yes. Ahhh… Well, I’m not going to give you a straight answer on that hahaha… Uhmmm, but I would say that ahhh… you know a television show and a book each has its own strengths and weaknesses; there a re tools that are available to me as a novelist, that are not available to people doing a television show. And of course there are tools available to them, that are not available to a novelist, I mean they can lay in a soundtrack, they can do special effects, they can do amazing things that I can’t do, I just have words on paper. What can I do, well I can use things like the internal narrative, I can take you inside of territories… thoughts, which you can’t do in a TV show… Ahhh… You just have the words they speak, you see them from outside because the camera is external, while prose is internal, and I have the device known as “unreliable narrator”… Ahhh… Which again, they don’t have. So, think about those two aspects when you consider that night of the Blackwater.

[Source]

Here George was asked directly, by a shipper, about the “un-kiss” and Sansa’s sexuality, and he stuck with his classic “unreliable narrator” answer.

George also repeated these things:

I can use things like the internal narrative

I can take you inside of territories… thoughts

Prose is internal

I have the device known as “unreliable narrator

His comparison between a TV Show and a Book is very telling: 

You just have the words they speak, you see them from outside because the camera is external, while prose is internal.

Also, it seems that he is done with questions about Sansa’s sexuality, as you can see from the chronology of questions and answers in this post. 

So, the “un-kiss” and any other misremembering from Sansa has to do with her psychological state, not with her sexuality in particular.

Sansa did something similar with the Trident incident, where her direwolf Lady, part of her soul, was killed by her own father using his sword Ice. 

She remembered the facts exactly as they happened when she told her father about it. But later she started to blame Arya and Cersei, but exculpates Joffrey, her future husband:  

Sansa and Septa Mordane were given places of high honor, to the left of the raised dais where the king himself sat beside his queen. When Prince Joffrey seated himself to her right, she felt her throat tighten. He had not spoken a word to her since the awful thing had happened, and she had not dared to speak to him. At first she thought she hated him for what they'd done to Lady, but after Sansa had wept her eyes dry, she told herself that it had not been Joffrey's doing, not truly. The queen had done it; she was the one to hate, her and Arya. Nothing bad would have happened except for Arya.

—A Game of Thrones - Sansa II

She accommodates and compartmentalize a lot as a way to cope and survive every unpleasant, disturbing and traumatic event that already happened to her in her short 13 years.  

So to answer your specific questions:

Do you think she gonna misremember any other similar traumatic events in future?

I think so. This is sad because it means that Sansa will experience even more  traumatic events that she will have to deal with... 

We need to wait to know the “un-kiss” true meaning. She romanticizes the Hound’s rape attempt against her and made it into a kiss, just like a song called “Off to Gulltown” that describes a non-con/sexual abuse situation against a maid, like her.

Inside her mind Sansa decided to remember the good things that men like Tyrion and the Hound did for her.  In her first AFFC chapter (Sansa I), she thinks:    

When Joff had her beaten, the Imp defended her. 

When the mob sought to rape her, the Hound carried her to safety. 

When the Lannisters wed her to Tyrion against her will, Ser Garlan the Gallant gave her comfort.

Only in her nightmares the true slipped out:

And she dreamed of her wedding night too, of Tyrion's eyes devouring her as she undressed. Only then he was bigger than Tyrion had any right to be, and when he climbed into the bed his face was scarred only on one side. "I'll have a song from you," he rasped, and Sansa woke and found the old blind dog beside her once again. "I wish that you were Lady," she said. 

—A Storm of Swords - Sansa VI

But after Marillion’s attack, Littlefinger forced kiss and Lysas’s death she is starting to join the dots.  For an instance, when she hears Littlerfinger using the same sexual innuendo than Marillion, “Let me warm you”, she realizes that Petyr Baelish is bad news:

Let me warm you, Sansa. Take off those gloves, give me your hands."

"I won't." He sounded almost like Marillion, the night he'd gotten so drunk at the wedding. Only this time Lothor Brune would not appear to save her; Ser Lothor was Petyr's man. "You shouldn't kiss me. I might have been your own daughter . . ."

—A Storm of Swords - Sansa VII

The whole passage from her first AFFC chapter (Sansa I) is very revealing: 

The things her aunt had said just before she fell still troubled Sansa greatly. "Ravings," Petyr called them. "My wife was mad, you saw that for yourself." And so she had. All I did was build a snow castle, and she meant to push me out the Moon Door. Petyr saved me. He loved my mother well, and . . .

And her? How could she doubt it? He had saved her.

He saved Alayne, his daughter, a voice within her whispered. But she was Sansa too . . . and sometimes it seemed to her that the Lord Protector was two people as well. He was Petyr, her protector, warm and funny and gentle . . . but he was also Littlefinger, the lord she'd known at King's Landing, smiling slyly and stroking his beard as he whispered in Queen Cersei's ear. And Littlefinger was no friend of hers. When Joff had her beaten, the Imp defended her, not Littlefinger. When the mob sought to rape her, the Hound carried her to safety, not Littlefinger. When the Lannisters wed her to Tyrion against her will, Ser Garlan the Gallant gave her comfort, not Littlefinger. Littlefinger never lifted so much as his little finger for her.

Except to get me out. He did that for me. I thought it was Ser Dontos, my poor old drunken Florian, but it was Petyr all the while. Littlefinger was only a mask he had to wear. Only sometimes Sansa found it hard to tell where the man ended and the mask began. Littlefinger and Lord Petyr looked so very much alike. She would have fled them both, perhaps, but there was nowhere for her to go. Winterfell was burned and desolate, Bran and Rickon dead and cold. Robb had been betrayed and murdered at the Twins, along with their lady mother. Tyrion had been put to death for killing Joffrey, and if she ever returned to King's Landing the queen would have her head as well. The aunt she'd hoped would keep her safe had tried to murder her instead. Her uncle Edmure was a captive of the Freys, while her great-uncle the Blackfish was under siege at Riverrun. I have no place but here, Sansa thought miserably, and no true friend but Petyr.

—A Feast for Crows - Sansa I

As you can see Sansa is starting to realize that the persons that help her, can also hurt her and have ulterior motives to help her, that the help is not unconditional and always has a price.  

So I think she will reach a point where she would be able to do the same with all her abusers, she will realize that men like Tyrion, the Hound, Dontos, etc, have helped her but at the same time have hurt her, Tyrion accepted to marry her and almost commit marital rape, the Hound attempted to rape her and repeatedly abuse her psychologically and physically, even Dontos, always requesting kisses.  

Do you think her family will help her remember these events and dealing with it?

Most probably. Meeting Jeyne Poole again, for example. Knowing what Littlefinger really did to her, and all his crimes against House Stark.

I really hope for that moment of realization, when she can stop lying to herself, when she can clearly see all those men as her abusers and that she owns them nothing. 

George, please! She had enough already... Give her some peace and quite! Give her true friends and her family back! 

Thanks for your message.

#anon ask #sansa stark #anti sandor clegane #anti tyrion lannister #anti petyr baelish #anti littlefinger #anti sansa's abusers

[dissonantdreamer]

The moon and Orion!

Moon: What are you currently studying/hope to study?

I studied Communications with a focus in Journalism and Advertising/Media Studies (which was a catchall term for social analysis and patterns in advertising/popular media but the real world applications of that were way too insidious for me so now i study one videogame and one videogame only)

I was taking some free online courses before things in my life went to shit, that I’d like to get back into, namely learning Mandarin and Music Theory. I have an extremely basic understanding of both that I’d love to expand into a basic understanding, possibly even a solid grasp of in the future. 

Orion: Favourite month? 

Torn between June and October. June makes me happy for space looks nice here as well as brain is getting sun reasons. Good things happen in June, namely gay things.

October is fucking October it’s got horror movies, candy, mazes of corn, mazes of walls with me scaring the fuck out of everyone, cider, cider with a lil whiskey in it, cider donuts, pumpkins, flannel season.

Thanks for the ask anon :D

[zalrb]

could you do an analysis of june's recorded message for luke? I LOVE your thoughts and want to know what you think as far as the words she chose and luke's reaction

Thanks, anon!

As far as I can tell from my cursory look in the THT/Nick Blaine tags, there seems to be two camps: 1. June was affirming her love for Luke 2. June was, I don’t want to say “dumping” because it’s more complicated than that, but June was ending things with Luke.

I think it’s both at the same time.

During the call she had with Luke, when he told her that he’d only see Serena and not Fred, she knew that the idea of Holly being born out of rape was causing him a lot of pain

and she wanted to alleviate him of that, she wanted him to know that Holly was actually a product of something good and beautiful in a place like Gilead

She wanted him to find comfort in the fact that she was able to find some sort of peace and serenity in such a violent and oppressive society.

At the same time, admitting that she’d been able to do that means confessing that she had found love in another man, and she loves Luke enough to tell him that

and for me, that affirms Nick and June’s bond?

Because June could’ve just said “I need you to know that Waterford is not the father.  Holly’s father is a driver named Nick, you met him. He helped me survive, I did what I had to to survive this place...” and I believe that would’ve been enough to comfort Luke as much as he could be comforted in this situation whereas mentioning the fact that Holly was born out of love would be a sort of comfort but would also hurt at the same time.

When she admits her guilty feelings

it’s not about the sex, it’s about the fact that her connection with Nick evolved past him being a crutch to something real (and the way I’m sure it’s something real is the fact that June spends the majority of season 2 combating how real her feelings for Nick have become until Holly is born and she just lets herself admit to loving him in 2x13) and she needs to believe Luke can forgive her for that.

In a way, it’s kind of an echo of Nick telling June that he met Luke and that Luke really loves her because Nick loved June enough and respected June enough to be honest with her, to possibly put up walls between them, and to hurt her with the mentioning of her husband’s name, and now June loves and respects Luke enough to be completely honest about who Nick is to her.

Of course being in love with Nick doesn’t erase her love for Luke but the two loves are different. I have said in the past that I find June’s love for Luke to be elegiac in nature, that she will always love her husband from Before, that she will always remember her husband from Before but that was Before and she’s in the Now and I think that message sort of affirms that idea especially since she mentions that earlier in the episode in so many words, saying it’s OK to love a sliver of a person especially if that’s all that’s left.

and I think that’s also why she told Luke that she’s not the June he remembers, she’s telling him that he’s loving and holding on to a sliver of a person that no longer exists and so it’s OK for him to find love elsewhere if that’s what he needs, it doesn’t tarnish their relationship in anyway, it doesn’t devalue their marriage but he needs to find life after her just like how she found life after him

because if she hadn’t found Nick, who knows what would’ve happened to her spirit and if she had a broken spirit then that would put Hannah in danger.

So I definitely think the point of the message was for June to tell Luke that she loves him, that she’s fighting for their daughter but that also telling him to say goodbye to the June he knew and to start living life in the now and while doing this, standing in the truth that she in fact does love Nick. 

In terms of Luke’s reaction, I mean I think he’s just feeling all these different things at once, I don’t think he resents June anything, I do think when she mentioned that Nick was a driver, he remembered this moment:

and he might have complicated feelings about that later on, he does have to steady himself when she tells him that Holly was born out of love but I don’t think he would’ve wanted Holly to be born any other way, I’m not the biggest fan of Luke but he’s not a monster, so, I just think he’s overwhelmed.

Thank you @thehandmaidstalehulu​​ for the gifs that are high quality. The shitty ones are mine, haha.

#the handmaid's tale #nick x june #june x nick #nick blaine #june osborne #luke bankole #tht #meta #3x05 #3.05 #tht 3x05 #the handmaid's tale 3x05 #hulu #margaret atwood #max minghella #elisabeth moss #ot fagbenle

[thed4rkhand]

Hii! I'd love to join the game! :)) I'll send mine on Vedic cos I saw it's where you base the analysis from. :)

Rohini Nakashatra asc, Venus on 10th H ; Saturn in 11th Uttarabhadrapada

Thank you for your time & energy!! 🧡 Hope you'll have a lovely 2022! 🕊️ - - 🦢 anon

heyyy and i saw your other ask! i doooo need to see the queen's gambit soon!

hey! thanks for the nakshatra placements ahhaha, but since its a more general reading, the signs wouldve sufficed because ahah less energy! so through this i see you're a taurus rising, venus in aquarius and saturn in pisces. So in 2022 you’ll be activating your 9th, 10th, 11th houses. with venus we'll see the 1st and 6th houses too.

As a Taurus rising, Saturn is malefic for you due to its ownership of the 8th house through its mooltrikon, however, since Venus and Saturn are friendly to each other, it won’t be bad bad. Since now your Saturn is in pisces and in the 11th, it wont be bad with the kuna house and orignal 12th house energy, it feels at home and comfortable.

Now onto the actual reading itself. Now June-March 2023 will be problematic for you, I understand it’s a long period but since transiting Mars will come and go retrograde your 1st house, it might cause a bit of an issue. This will largely cause issues with matters of the first house, such as self image, body issues, mental issues and all. You can be in a lower headspace and face bouts of ups and downs during this period. Mars here becomes your 12th and 5th lord too, so it wont be bad don't worry!

So on the flip side, you can get deeply into activities of the occult, go through massive transformation in personality and looks, be extremely creative and work on good projects, meet a lot of new people and have a lot of byssinosis opportunities with them, as well as friendships may happen during this time. You may also find new relationships during this time period. People will be attracted to you like moth to flies during this period. However I’d suggest for you to take care of your health and not to spend excessively on anything.

As for 2022 as a full year, you can expect it to focus largely on love, partnerships, occult and transformations and travel and education. This will be a year that will be good for your father and benefit his line of work with a lot of success and happiness guaranteed for him. You may attract new partners during this period and get into a stable and long term relationship too. You may get into social services and serving the public, maybe politics here. You may start on your higher education and travel for it. You may receive large amounts of knowledge in occult from a new teacher from foreign lands. With Saturn aspect, you may see you may lose a lot of weight suddenly this year and have issues with feeling alienated at points, however you will end the year more confident than ever.

Early part of 2022 will be extremely good for you, you will see that you shall finish off pending work, both mental shadow work and physical work and start the year anew with new ideas and opportunities. You will be out through trials and emerge triumphant this year. You will truly develop your personality this year and cement this for long term. That’s all I have for you but I hope you have a great year ahead❤️

#astrology #vedic astrology

[hidewari]

Dude, I love your blog so much... whenever I'm feeling down, I just scroll through and I feel just that little bit better. So thank you, and keep up the good stuff 👌 (I especially love your tg analysis and soft art hehe)

Aww, thank you so much, anon, I’m really happy to hear that (’:I wish I had more time to post but school has been kicking my ass mercilessly. I’ll be completely free after mid June so hopefully I’ll have more time to actually produce decent content then.

#answered #<3 #Anonymous

[yorkpahomesus]

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People in america All around you Taking the Oath Holding up and Shielding the Constitution of the United States

#TakeTheOath #WWG1WGA

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Take the oath. Mission forward. Q

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God. WWG1WGA

Wow! I can’t believe I got Q’d. This is so surreal. Q it’s an honor. I’m excited to serve my country in any capacity anytime any day twice on Sunday. America is the best country in the world. I love all my fellow countrymen and anons worldwide. Thank you! #WWG1WGA #QAnon #QArmy pic.twitter.com/RdQXrNZgZ5

— OracleExec

(@OracleExec) June 25, 2020

The honor is ours. Nice meeting you. Q

Waiting outside a lunch place in silicon valley today I overhear a middle aged woman calming explaining QANON to her friend and how it's all part of some grand plan by Trump to rebuild the US government. Jarring to run across this in the real world here.

— Shane Huntley (@ShaneHuntley) June 24, 2020

Interesting this was prioritized [routed]. GOOG threat analysis group _entry catalog. Deep dreaming, young dragonfly. Q

Rising to the occasion. Understanding what’s at stake. God bless each and every one of you. We will not fail. WWG1WGA!!! Q

If you do have a dirty chimney in Seattle or Chop or Chaz or wherever, get it repaired, cleaned, created, whatever. This guy is the best! https://themadhatterchimneysweep.com/ – You should call him

Calling all Patriots to Rise for Your Country and Take the Oath! For God and Country, let freedom ring!!!!

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Let’s do This! Time to take the country back.

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from https://yorkpahomesus.wordpress.com/2020/06/28/mad-hatter-chimney-sweep-llc-takes-the-oath-chimneysweepwa-chimney-sweep-seattle-seattle-wa/