#straight up went from talking about arson to 'oh thank you yes it's all lovely thank you so much it's wonderful thank you'

[lookninjas]

The night before Black Friday prep is always so weird, because I have to overprepare, just so the early morning start doesn't fuck me up too bad. But I also have to overprepare extremely early, 'cause early start, so I'm basically sitting here at 6:30 with my lunch packed and my skincare taken care of and my coffee ready to go so I can just go to bed in half an hour.

#and then my brother's dogs can wake me up fourteen times but it is what it is #sidenote: we did restaurant thanksgiving here this year and it was honestly a solid plan #delicious food tons of it for later and the chef had a bitchin' mohawk #and we tipped 30% and had a mild polite-off with the waiter don't worry #straight up went from talking about arson to 'oh thank you yes it's all lovely thank you so much it's wonderful thank you' #so if nothing else we were entertaining

[uniquevocashark]

Could you do a lady d/reader with prompt number 2 arson from this one

:)

OH BOY ANON I LOVE THIS PROMPT THANK YOU

This ficlet is uh,,,, 1200 words and that is half of what it should be but its late and i wanted to post this so there will probably be a part two later

tw for arson, breaking and entering and mentions of organised crime.

Mafia AU

Alcina doesn’t come into your house with a knock, or by ringing the doorbell. Instead, she has the lock picked and walks in while its replaced, and you have to deal with it while in a pair of shorts and a singlet.

“Those are cute.” She greets, eyeing your bare legs and uncovered arms appreciatively.

You take the spoon out of your mouth and put it back into the ice cream container, “Please stop breaking into my house.”

She sat on the bed without responding. She wasn’t wearing her usual clothes, instead it was a black petticoat over a red dress and her usual corsage of flowers was replaced by an intricately made gold and platinum pin keeping her collar cinched at the throat. She wore a thick and fluffy fur coat over it, black and shaped like a fox over one shoulder.

It should have been tacky, but she managed to pull it off.

“You aren’t ready.” She said instead, arranging her skirts so they spilled from black to red in a vibrant array.

You look at your calendar, “I was supposed to be ready for something?”

“Yes,” She said tersely, “Breanna told you about it.”

“Who? You mean the random teen that tried to hit me with a car this morning?”

Alcina closed her eyes briefly, the sighed out audibly. “Regardless,” She started lightly, “You are still coming with me tonight.”

“Can I grab a jacket?”

“No.” She answered and grabbed your wrist.

She brought you past a group of people quietly debating amongst themselves about which lock to put on your door and then out into the night. It’s a half moon and where the streetlights aren’t polluting the sky, dim silvery light coats the ground. You make it three blocks before you start shivering, feeling as cold as the ninth circle of hell, only your covered wrist at all protected from freezing.

You try to tug away but she doesn’t let you. She frowns, and doesn’t quite drag you, but she’s clearly lost all patience after what happened. It wasn’t your fault, but she would consider you equally guilty for not getting her message from a homicidal teenager.

You try to tug away again.

“Stop that.” She snaps.

You tug again, half-heartedly, “It is two in the morning, it’s fucking freezing, and I’m in shorts. Let go so I can do something to warm myself up.”

Alcina makes a noise, somewhere between a sigh and an angry hum, and pulls you into an empty storefront before letting you go. You sort of miss the warmth, even if your wrist aches from how tightly she held it. The street is empty even though it usually isn’t this way so deep into the city, and the store front is boarded over in a way that you’ve only ever seen in movies. It makes you uncomfortable, just like her folding her giant body to cover you does.

You rub your arms vigorously to smooth away the goosebumps.

“Here,” She smiled, unclasping her coat and dumping it over your head, “Quickly now.”

You watch her watch you, her nostrils flaring just slightly while you push your arms through the sleeves and put her jacket on. The fox part, you realised, was a detachable scarf and she wrapped it around her neck. The dress underneath it was red velvet and embroidered with silver.

After five minutes, where she stared at you until you stopped shivering and you stared back terrified at what she might do, she took your hand. She held it gently and smiled. She took you through alleyways that you tended to avoid, and side streets with names you’d never seen before.

Alcina pointed out small spots and rattled out trivia about them, and you had no idea how you could tell what she would talk about next. Sometimes she’d point out little holes in the wall and their great historical significance, or a tree that she had some great biodiversity that was helpful to the local ecology.

“What are we doing?” You ask after an hour.

“Burning a few things. Blowing up a warehouse.”

“What?”

She looked at you and then turned down another street, “A few things and also blowing up a warehouse later.”

“An actual warehouse of things? Not the store?”

“An actual warehouse.”

You rack your brain, “Why?”

Alcina frowned at you and cocked her head so that it was half in the moonlight and half in the shadow of a building. You squeezed her hand and she squeezed back.

“Illegal reasons.” She answered eventually.

“Wow, really?”

“Hush, you know better than to ask.” Alcina said lightly. She eventually pulled you through a street and onto a pier.

“We’re near the ocean?” you asked. She hummed happily in response, the moonlight made the embroidery on her sleeves and skirt shine, the dark leather gloves on her hands shimmering like oil.

The water was still and silver in the moonlight, the crash of waves so faint as to be inaudible. Alcina always looked best in the moonlight, but you wondered, as she continued walking with you beside her, what she’d look like in the daylight. Would she glow as she does now, a silver statue with piercing gold eyes? Or would he skin flush with the warmth of the sun and glow with a pink hue? Maybe she would stay a vague grey, as she did under normal lamps, a monochrome picture brought to life in the modern era.

She grinned at you as she came to a stop, feral and pleased, and you realised you had been staring at her. Her eyes glowed while she gave you a once over, with mirth or malice you weren’t sure. You could never be sure about her moods, when they swung so wildly.

“Here we are.” Alcina said, stopping before a dark restaurant.

“Why here?”

“They poisoned you a few weeks ago.” She trailed off and grinned at you again, handing you a pack of matches.

“It was just a mistake.” You try to say but she’s already walked away from you, hunting for something while humming tunelessly. Eventually she comes back to you, holding what looks like two gasoline bottles.

“Nothing that happens to my things is a mistake, sweet thing. Now open the door.”

You tried the handle and it swung open without creaking. The interior was difficult to see in the dark, though the stacked chairs looked vaguely like lobsters made from nightmares. The only light was a fish tank built into the wall, though it was empty. Alcina waltzed in like she owned the place, picked up a small table and flung it into the reception desk.

You jumped away from the shattering wood, “Alcina?”

“Watch your eyes, sweet thing.” She laughed and flung another table into one of the walls. She pushed one of the stacks of chairs into another, letting them crash to the floor like dominoes. Another table, half as long as she was tall, went straight into the fish tank with a resounding crash.

Alcina took her time humming a rousing tune, dancing around the space as she emptied the gasoline all over the restaurant. She laid a trail of gasoline out of the restaurant and you followed her with trepidation. Once you were free of the building she changed her gloves, throwing the dirty ones into the ocean.

She ran a hand through her hair and huffed a light laugh. “Sweet thing,” She called, “The matches, please.”

#alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu x reader #my writing #mafia AU #ficlet #resident evil 8 #I AM AUENKUAHSC LOVE THIS PROMPT MAN #Anonymous #asks #answered asks

[interact-if]

Umm hi 👉👈 I realized that most of the asks you guys get are about games and rec lists. You guys deserve so much recognition for the work you put in this blog, so I wanted to ask if I can do a little get-to-know-the-mods thing? If that's okay!

1. Besides writing, what are your hobbies?

2. Do you have a niche interest right now?

3. Any fave songs/artists/bands?

4. Any fave movies/tv shows?

5. On a scale of 1-10, how likely would you survive in your wip's world?

You can totally ignore this if you guys want, no pressure. Anyway, much love to all the interact-if mods! You guys are incredible! ❤

We saw this ask and we went 👀 👀 👀 so we’re happy to answer! Thank you so much for the fun ask!

 We also rated our survivability in all of our collective games, since Mars isn't an author! Fun stuff! Spoilers, though: it’s really not looking so great for me (Dani) but that’s fine!!!  😌

1. I’m a photographer as well as a graphic artist (but not like. A painter/drawer kind of artist!) and, on a general level, a maker and a tinkerer!

2. Fountain pens! I only write with ink, and only with fountain pens, and I use bottled inks/converters!

3. I’m pretty eclectic with music, but my top genres are alt rock, indie, indie pop, etc, as well as top 40s and some rap.

4. I feel like this is the hardest one for me to answer? Favorite movies/shows? Avatar: the Last Airbender has been a favorite show of mine since I was a little kid, but I have a harder time thinking of shows I would call a favorite in recent years. There are shows I’ve liked, and a lot of shows I’ve watched. But I’m picky! And demanding! It takes a lot to earn a place in Dani’s Trophy Case of Favorites. 😌 I would say I quite liked A Quite Place (movie), and I liked Us (movie). When it comes to TV shows, I have a hard time being pleased with them if they don’t end well. As a result, I have a penchant for a good limited series/miniseries (because they’re stories that have an end in mind and the plot reflects that, dagnabbit).

5. Heh. Okay.

In The Goodfellows? I think I stand I chance. I can exercise my sparkling wit and lovable personality to the best effect. I’m gonna give myself an 8/10 survivability rating. Even if I don’t have the right skills, I can go crying to the person who does and they’ll save me. Maybe.

In Creatures’ Cradle? I’m super $**!%d. 😌 1/10 survivability rating. And that 1 is me being nice to myself. The day the apocalypse breaks out I would probably be patient 0. I am self-aware. I would not do well in an apocalypse. Zombies care not for aforementioned sparkling wit and lovable personality, and I have all the muscle of a boiled spaghetti noodle. So it’s a no go.

Greater Than Gods (Cruz): Well. I’m going to be optimistic. And say that I have the wisdom not to do things I shouldn’t do and not to rock boats I shouldn’t rock. I’m going to give myself a 7/10 based on insider information, but also based on reckless optimism!

Vardir (Cruz): Cruz says this is a lighthearted game, so 10/10 LOL.

When it Hungers (Roast): I’m giving myself a nice, mediocre 5/10. I think I could put my mind to work here; I joke that I’m the village idiot, but I’m actually pretty smart! Unfortunately, I’m also curious, and maybe a little bad with authorities who won’t answer my questions. So I knocked off a lot of points due to the fact that I’d probably poke the metaphorical bear. So it’s a real coin flip as to whether I’d really make it or not.

Orthall Bay (Nines): Considering the genre is “horror” and the game intro includes the words “monster” and “maim,” I’m giving myself a whooping, enthusiastic 3/10. Yes, folks, I am that confident in myself! Once again, I can’t charm the socks off a monster (or can I?), so one of my greatest weapons is snatched from beneath my feet. Alas!

1. Beloved I’m a college student in the middle of a pandemic... i can hardly even write LOL i do draw at times which u can see in my personal blog (nothing too good really) and i used to do karate before things went to shit <3

2. Nothing niche I believe? All I do is leave Netflix as bg noise every day n play popular videgames (genshin)

3. Porter Robinson <3 I love Bea Miller a lot as well but lately I’ve been feeling Porter a lot

4. The Good Place <3

5. My WIPs:

Greater than Gods: Highly situational, the world GtG is set in is as broad as the real world LOL so I don’t have an universal answer. But keeping it vague, and knowing my own personality, I feel like 5/10. depends on my luck.

Vardir: 10/10 no one dies in Vikgade, unless you’re a hunter but I wouldn’t be a hunter <3

Others’ WIPs

I'm gonna give myself a solid 5/10 in all other WIPs because y'all aren't writing lighthearted stories either. I feel like as long as I avoid the role of the MC I will be mostly fine. I hope. But as Dani said I'm also prone to fight the wrong person and dig my own grave so 😌

1. Well, writing is a very, very, very, distant hobby since Words Hard, but I like to crochet and sculpt a little! Anything to do with fiddling with my hands and I’m good to go. And like, debatable but graphic design is my passion [insert clown emoji here since Tumblr said No]

2. Oh yeah a bunch! DnD yelling at people, thinking of arson, crocheting, rock climbing and simply vibing. I got into podcasts a few years ago and I’m always looking for more recs, so if you have some, hmu 😤

3. Pls,,,,my music taste is,,,so weird do not let me expose myself with lack of consistency but uhh. Current songs that are stuck in my head include; Cult of Dionysus , Achilles Come Down and The Last Shanty  

4. If you’ve ever spoken to me before, I probably yelled about Pacific Rim to you or at you. Plus I love all The Mummy films and really enjoyed Castlevania (s3 excluded, we do not perceive that) as well! 

5. Ah, mod survival simulator pt. 3

Alright, let’s go!  I don’t have a WIP because again, words hard, but like, considering how feral I am when not tryna seem professional hm... 

The Goodfellows: I wanna say a solid 7/10 because I’d hardcore vibe with the Traveler and probably instigate so much nonsense. I can also bribe with blueberry cake so maybe. 

Creature’s Cradle: maybe a 4/10 and only because of pure spite keeping me alive long enough to smack someone. I’ve prepared for hypothetical  zombie apolcapyses and I won’t hesitate to bap, but will be bapped back because I’m weak as hell. 

Greater Than Gods: a toss up between 2/10 and 7/10! I can vibe and be chill but I also have terrible impulse control so... 

Vardir: hm....I think pretty good survival rates all around? If you ask me to fight then like, okay sure, your knees are mine. So maybe a 8/10? 

When it Hungers: .......8/10 just because I’d refuse to die if I can be a cool creature. Living for the aesthetic can and will drag me outta hell. But I’m also clumsy as hell so I’d probably crash as a porcelain or hold a rooster and perish (aka, real rating is a good 3/10) 

Orthall Bay: 2/10, nope. Nope I’d be taken out in a heartbeat. Monsters can go pspsps and I’d head straight into the dark creepy forest like a fool if someone comes @ me. Half the time I’ll just assume it’s sfx makeup and vibe until it’s too late. 

god, never put me in a universe where I cannot squawk like a bird and throw pebbles from a window. Oof

Anon, you're so sweet! I give you a forehead smoomch <333 As for your questions...

1. If I'm not writing, I'm usually watching video essays on Youtube. My go-to channels as of right now is Disrupt and Aperture! I just really like their videos. Aside from that, I recently got into podcasts. Currently going through Hello From The Hallowoods and Shelter and Warning, which are made by queer creators!

2. Oh oof, there's quite a bit so I'm just gonna put down one thing. For some reason, I really got into collecting tiny astronaut things? I recently bought this astronaut desk light, and I've got a package coming in for the miniatures I ordered. No purpose for them other than I think they're neat <3

3. I'm a bit private with my music taste (even tho I have Spotify connected on Discord lmao), but there's 5 songs that I'm currently obsessed with. I keep replaying them over and over again. Just squeezing all the serotonin I could get outta them.

4. I can't really say I have a fave TV show or movie because I can't really just pick one, but my current fave is 9-1-1 and Resident Alien. 9-1-1 because I just really love the found-family dynamics and how the show tackles sensitive topics, and Resident Alien because it's lighthearted comedy. My all-time fave movie is Flipped! I have the book too and I like rereading from time to time <3

5. You're in for a doozy, anon, because we're rating each other's games <333

The Goodfellows: 7/10

Listen. Shenanigans with the Traveler. I would get up to so many of them and that is what'll get me possibly bodied, not the actual environment itself <3

Greater than Gods: 7/10

I like to think I have enough common sense to uhhh not recklessly flip stones that should not be flipped <3 I'm a cautious and skeptic person irl so I think I'll hold up well? Then again, it's a vast environment change and while I can adapt pretty quick, I wouldn't like the lack of control in the unknown.

Vardir: 10/10

Going off what Cruz said, Vardir is lighthearted and focused on personal growth so I think I'll be okay! Self-growth here I come, babey!

Creatures' Cradle: 8/10

Maybe I'm overestimating myself, but I think I'll be able to survive in a supernatural post-apocalyptic world! Ah, but it depends on the motivation though. I like the idea of rebuilding communities and eventually societies, but the survival turmoil would be a constant battle I'd have to overcome. If we're talking survival itself though, I think I'll do well.

When it Hungers: 8/10

That's probably my wishful thinking but I think I'll be fine. Maybe. Possibly. Don't like the idea of being regulated by an organization so if I was a non-human creature that could pose a problem but I can roll with it <3

Orthall Bay: 6/10

Assuming I'm not playing as MC, my chances of survival uhhh changes quite drastically. Not enough to guarantee an untimely demise, but certainly enough that it would constantly keep me on my toes. I think that's the safest answer I can get without spoiling anything lmao

Thank you so much for asking! It's super sweet of you <3

1. Too many :'D I knit, I sew, I do carpentry (well, learning), I bake, I'm hammering away at HTML and CSS, my job kind of encourages learning new things and I take that to picking up new hobbies!

2. My time is kind of consumed with school work and work work and WIP work so not a lot of time to pursue niche interests right now. I've been watching a lot of horror game playthroughs, true crime youtubers, and an adorable show on Netflix called the Repair Shop <3

3. My taste in music is "what am I vibing with atm?" I've been listening to a lot of 80's music atm (don't @ me), but also Lo Fang and Kaleo, and whatever spotify recommends me on my discover weekly which is usually complete chaos.

4. I love the Mummy even though it hasn't aged 100% well (I'm a librarian, of course it's one of my gotos LOL), Legally Blonde, Leverage, Jumanji (the original), I'm....very bad at having recent tastes... and very bad at remembering my favorites when asked.

5.

The Goodfellows: I'm a creature of comfort, 5/10 if I can just luxuriate in town and not actually interact with the story sfjkdbsdkf

Creature’s Cradle: I'd like to think I have a 50/50 shot XD 5/10, I want to think I'd be decent at a zombie apocalypse but ultimately would suffer an early fate.

Greater Than Gods: 10/10 if I'm just vibing, less so if I'm involved in the actual story XD

Vardir: I'd still suffer without technology but I can also knit for a living in this world so I'm down 8/10

When it Hungers: I feel like I could vibe here, there's tech if dated, hot showers, telephones are around by now... might still get bored. 7/10 though it'd be cool to be another creature....I should make a 'what creature of snv are you' quiz!

Orthall Bay: 7/10 idk I feel like after the first monster of the week I'd just skip town XDDDD I'm the worst protagonist, I see danger I just leave.

#mod talk #long post #interact if: asks

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

#opera #opera tag #results #screencaps #captions #caption #caption this #caption contest #this seems to have gone over well and I am Pleased

[alovesongshewrote]

They’re So Pretty, It Hurts | Zoe

Plot:  Several minutes of the reader being a disaster

Word Count: 1,870

Warnings:  Pining.  So much pining.

A/N:  it’s woman loving hours, lads.  

Tags: @yagirlcheesely @moppetwithamanbun @tales-of-hisirdoux @blixeon

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Sometimes, you go to a bookstore, and you see a pretty girl.  You make eye contact, and it’s only for a second, but it still takes your breath away.  Her eyes are just so blue, the colour of the sky when the sun is finished rising.  You could get lost in them, you wanted to get lost in them, but instead, you look away almost instantly because being perceived is Not Fun.  Still, your cheeks are warm, and you’re desperate to steal another glance at her.

This is one of those times.  Except you worked at the bookstore, but that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.  Bottom line, you’d made eye contact with a cute girl and instantly fallen in love with her.  It be like that sometimes, but we manage and move forward.  You managed and moved forward by hiding behind one of the shelves.  You were not the best at managing and moving forward.  You may have actually gone backwards, I’m not sure.  Either way, your heart was racing, practically beating out of your chest.  It felt you couldn't breathe, like oxygen was made of cute girls, which sounds nice but is, in practice, really impractical and very suffocating.

“Uh, (Y/N)?  You good, mate?”

“Hhjkjadfhkaljdfhakhfd-”

“Oh, fuzzbuckets.”

Your lovely, lovely coworker, Hisirdoux Casperan, had noticed you hiding behind the shelf, which wasn’t difficult at all, really.  You didn’t care though, you were mostly hiding from the cute girl.  Literally, anyone and everyone else who entered the bookstore could see you, but that didn’t matter.  As long as she didn’t see, everything would be fine.  Douxie, however, thought you may have had a stroke.

“(Y/N)?” he gave your arm a little poke, “(Y/N)?  (Y/N) darling, are you-”

“Alkjdhfalksdhfajlksdfhakjf, yeah, sorry, I just-” you didn’t finish your sentence.  You just kind of floated away into the void, attention stolen again by the cute girl.  Her hair was pink, her clothes very punk-rock.  Yeah, yeah, you were a goner.  God, she was pretty.  Oh.  Oh, fuck, she was coming this way.  

You jerked your head to face the books you were hiding behind (something about true crime?  It looked cool, but now was not the time,) while Douxie faced the cute girl head-on.  You would never know where he found the confidence, but you respected it.

“Zoe!  This is (Y/N), she’s the new one I was telling you about.”

Zoe.  Zoe.  You liked it.  It was pretty, like her.  Oh, god, she was talking to you.

“(Y/N), huh?  Cute name, it suits you.”

If you could think coherently, you would have been wondering if that meant she found you cute, but you couldn’t think coherently.  At the moment, your thoughts were mostly “AKJKDSFHKJHG,” and “KSHFJAHFKJHAKDFHKALDFHLAJSDFHKLJADSHFKLHASKDJFHKALS,” and you still couldn’t breathe!  It was very valid of you, to be honest.

“Uhh, thanks.  You too.”

Good, good, that was what a normal person would say.  This was a normal, average conversation.  You definitely didn’t have a huge crush on her or anything, nooooo-

“So, uh… true crime?”

You blinked a few times in confusion before realizing that she was referring to the shelf you were leaning on.  Oh, yeah, true crime.  Oh, god, she was looking at you, they were both looking at you, QUICK THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT TRUE CRIME.

“Uh, yeah, I like… crime.”

Oh, wow that was dumb.  I mean, it wasn’t the worst thing you could have said, but you would always remember that one of the first things you said to Zoe was “I like crime.”

She raised an eyebrow, “You… like crime?”

Too late to back out now, “...Yes.  I’m…  I’m good at crime.  I enjoy arson.”

It was stupid.  Really stupid, like, you didn’t even know where that came from.  But it made her laugh.  And you knew at that moment that you would do anything to make her laugh again.  Her smile was a blessing that brought light into your world, and you wanted to see it every day if she was okay with that.

“Ah, I like you, you’re cute.  Anyway, I have to get back to work, but I’ll see you later.  And you!”

You were trying to recover from the first six words of that sentence, but now she was pointing at you!  And looking!  Eye contact!  Ah!

“Stick around Arcadia, ok?  I wanna see you again.”

“I-I um-” you were straight-up dying now, ok, “Well, you know where to find me!”

Her smile was the most important thing in the world and you would die to protect it.

“Aight, I’m out!  Bye guys!”

“See you, Zo.”

“B-bye!”

As soon as she was gone, you collapsed against the bookshelf and buried your face in your hands.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, WELL, that could have gone better, but it didn’t go worse, and for that you were thankful.

Douxie stared at you for a second.  He’d seen friends in this state before, as often as the night prior, actually.  Zoe had had the same reaction when she first saw you that you had to seeing her now, and he’d promised to introduce you.  She’d been so calm earlier because she’d been practicing what to say in the mirror for, like, a day.  You, on the other hand, had not prepared for this.  It was finals week and you had not studied.  Shit, you hadn’t even known about finals week.  Your friend had just devised this gay little plot and it left you a flustered mess with no study materials.  There were no cue cards in this world, only pretty-girl-panic and fits of uncontrollable blushing.

He knelt down to get on your level, “You okay?”

“Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

“Understandable.  You wanna chill in the back for a minute?”

“Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

It wasn’t a verbal confirmation, but you nodded, and he took that as a yes.  He helped you to your feet and led you to the back, which was technically his house, but whatever, semantics. 

“Here, I’ll just let you chill for a bit.  I’ll be back soon, please don’t die.”

“I won’t!”

He smiled at that and walked back into the shop to continue dealing with the public.  F in the chat for Douxie.  In the meantime, you just curled yourself into a ball on his couch and made a low humming noise.  Man, were you bad at… everything or what?

“Mrowr?”  You looked up to see a familiar mass of black fur, his head tilted in curiosity.  

“Ah, hey Arch.”

“Mrp.”

“You know you don’t have to do the whole cat thing with me?  I know you can talk.”

“Well, it’s nice to pretend sometimes.  Besides, we don’t know when that door’ll open again or for who.  It’s best to stay inconspicuous.”

You let a small laugh escape you as you started to calm down, your lungs finally getting the oxygen they’d so desperately missed, “I mean, that’s fair.”

“Mrpt?”  which, in cat, meant, “So, what’s up?”

“Well, it’s this girl.  Zoe.  Pink hair, blue eyes, the most gorgeous human being I’ve ever seen.  I just… she’s really cute and I made an absolute fool out of myself in front of her.”

“Mrooooooooooooooooooooow,” meaning, “(Y/N), dear, I know this Zoe.  She’s friends with Douxie.  The bar for general foolery is pretty high.”

“You really think so?”

“Mrow!”  “(Y/N), I know so.  If you like her so much, you should talk to her more!  You’re a nice person, I’m sure she’d like you!”

“Thanks, Arch.”

“Prrbt,” “You’re welcome.”

“Well, I should probably get out there.  Go be a functioning member of society.  Thanks again, bud,”  you gave the cat-dragon a little scratch behind the ears, smiling again at how he stretched up to meet your hand, “See ya around, cat man.”

“See you, (Y/N).”

You gave the familiar one last grin before you slipped out the door, glad that you could breathe, finally.  And then that was ripped away from you by a cute pink-haired lady in the middle of the bookstore.

“Oh!  Zoe!  Hi!”

“Hey, (Y/N)!  I just realized I uh, sort of forgot what I came here for.” 

“That’s understandable!  It happens to me all the time!”

“Heh, yeah,”  she stopped talking and just stared at you for a second.  You did the same before remembering that she said words, and that meant something.

“O-oh, yeah.  What is it that you were looking for?”

“Oh, just,” she pulled a post-it note out of her pocket and handed it to you.  Her finger brushed over yours and you could almost feel a spark there, “Just this.”

“C-cool!  Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, I’ll be right back!”  you gave her a quick nod before running upstairs to grab the book.  While you were distracted, Zoe had her own little meltdown, but she composed herself as soon as she noticed you coming down the stairs.

“Aight, so here you go,” you handed her the book, fingers brushing hers, electricity running through them.  Literally, there was electricity.  You waved it off though.  It was a magical world, and this wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen today (nope, that little award went to “I enjoy arson.”)

“That’ll beeeee, nothing.  Take it.”

“Wait, that’s-that, why?

“I mean, it’s not something I’m allowed to do but, eh, you’re cute.  And I told you I enjoy crime, didn’t I?”

“I’m-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it,” you said, immediately losing any cool persona you may have had.  Zoe didn’t mind.  She thought you were cute no matter what you did.  That in itself was made evident by the blush on her cheeks.

“O-oh.”

You smiled a little.  You did that, you were the cause of it.  You could only hope that she was also okay with this.

“Well,” you bit your lip.  The longer she stayed quiet the more you doubted your flirting skills, “I’ll be seeing you!”

“Wait!”

Your head shot up, eyes immediately focused on her, ready to hear whatever she had to say.  Man, you were a simp.

“I uh… I was wondering if I could get your number?  With this?”

You were pretty sure you died for a second, but when you recovered, you stuttered out a, “Yeah,” and quickly wrote your name and number on the post-it note she’d handed you.

The smile she gave you when you passed her the note was quite possibly the best thing you’d ever seen in your life.

“Well, I’ll call you!  Or text you, or whatever…”

You couldn’t help but laugh at how nervous she was, because that was a solid mood, “I look forward to it!”

And with that, she was gone, but she couldn’t stop thinking about your laugh, and how she’d do anything to see your smile again.

Inside, you were thinking the same, or you were until Douxie re-appeared from wherever he'd been hiding.

"Congratulations!"

You jumped an entire foot in the air, something you didn't really think was possible until right then, "Jesus Christ, Casperan!  Don't sneak up on me like that, God.  That's the seventh time today, we need to get you a cowbell or something, my Go-"

"So, did it go well?"

Your satisfaction painted itself on your face, "Yeah," you hummed, looking out the window, "It went well."

#zoe toa x reader #zoe tales of arcadia x reader #toa zoe x reader #tales of arcadia x reader #zoe toa imagine #tales of arcadia zoe imagine #toa zoe imagine #fluff #zoe toa #toa zoe #pining #soft

[deanstop13billyjoeltraxx]

Superposition

a deancas college roommate au :)

Chapter 8 is up on AO3! Chapter-by-chapter masterlist here. 

CW: mentions of verbal abuse, homophobia, alcoholism, jail time. instances of smoking. 

some notes: I usually go through and italicize as necessary when I’m posting on tumblr because it doesn’t copy over from my og text, but this chapter is like 6200 words and i’m just not gonna do that. recommend reading on AO3 for the best experience!!

An Exercise in Futility

Three Years Earlier

Castiel was convinced that his life was one massive, cosmic joke.

He’d been considering the possibility for some time. Being the gay son of a homophobic pastor does that to a person. When he discovered, sometime around the age of twelve, that the girls in his Sunday school class were far less interesting than the boys, he could practically feel God laughing at him. Then there was high school, where the religious prattling was replaced by what felt like endless torment at the hands of his peers. 

He felt like college was quickly becoming the third punchline.

Not that things were bad. Things were good, actually, better than they’d been in years. He was learning about things he cared about. He passed his midterms with flying colors. He even had friends. He spent a weekend watching all of the Lord of the Rings with Charlie. He had switched seats in accounting to sit next to Meg.

And, of course, there was Dean. Dean, who dragged Cas to a football game and didn’t drink a sip of alcohol the whole time in solidarity; Dean, who, after Tombstone, insisted on movie night every Tuesday; Dean, who, demanded that Cas print out a copy of one of his short stories and sign it (“When you’re a famous douchebag, this is gonna be worth so much money”).

It seemed that, on all fronts, Castiel had finally capitalized on the collegiate promise of a second chance. 

But by his own estimation, he was doomed.

Because sometimes, his palms started sweating when Dean stood too close. Sometimes, his heartbeat skipped when Dean threw an arm across Cas’s shoulders. Sometimes, Cas woke up from a dream so vivid, he was disappointed to find himself alone in his bunk bed.

He could see how easy it would be to fall in love with Dean Winchester, what with the blond hair and green eyes, bright smiles and southern lilt, funny jokes and considerate actions. The prospect was utterly terrifying, and Castiel was doing everything in his power to stop dwelling on it.

He’d been down the “falling in love with your straight best friend” road before. AP biology class brought Cas a lab partner in Ben Wright. Soccer team captain, A-student, all around nice guy. Maybe Ben didn’t do anything to stop the constant verbal torment, but he never took part in it. At first, being around him was exhilarating. Sharing looks, catching smiles, trading inside jokes; Cas was intoxicated. He was so high on first love that he made the mistake of confiding in Bartholomew. Cas had always considered him to be a role model, friend and brother at the same time. But that night, when Cas came out, Bartholomew looked at him like one might look at spoiled food. He’d agreed not to tell their father, on the condition that Cas never speak about the matter again, that he figure out some way to “cleanse himself.” They hadn’t spoken since that night.

And so the feelings that once propelled Castiel to school with anticipation suddenly made him dread it. Not only did baring his soul to a brother get him a one-way ticket to estrangement, but Ben started dating someone else, a girl from his English class. Now every shared look was painful, smiles were false, inside jokes stopped being funny.

It was somehow worse, knowing Ben could never feel the same way. It certainly didn’t help the feelings of guilt and shame brought by his family.

Cas would do anything not to feel that way again. 

He started by insisting that Dean invite Benny and Charlie to more of their nightly dinners. And while he honestly liked the both of them, he would be lying if he didn’t admit that their presence was, first and foremost, a distraction from Dean. He took up running again, as a way to get himself out of the dorm when Dean decided to stay in. He spent more time studying with Meg.

Meg was shockingly easy to befriend. She wasn’t nice — Cas had watched in shock when, once, she dumped a hot coffee on a skateboarder who had knocked her down on accident — but she never said a mean thing to Castiel. She was like him: a black sheep, the child everyone wished they could forget. Only, where Cas had become an agnostic and gone to college, Meg had become a Satanist and gone to jail for arson.

But this was her new leaf, she told him. Maybe it didn’t matter why someone needed a second chance, only that they were willing to take one.

They had been working for an hour when she threw her pen at his head and said, “Cas, you should come with me to Sig Ep’s Halloween party tomorrow. Be my date.”

Cas took a moment to process the meaning of party + date + with Meg. “Uh, I don’t — well, um, parties aren’t really —”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re allowed to say no, hun.”

Cas panicked. Meg was looking at him expectantly, her resigned smile making it clear she was prepared for rejection.

“Well, I… It’s not because of you — you’re very beautiful, and smart. Actually, you’re one of the most wonderful people I’ve met here.” She grinned at that. “It’s just, I don’t really… Go on dates. With girls.”

She studied him a moment before understanding lit up her face. “Oh.”

Castiel fidgeted with his pencil, refusing to meet her eyes. He’d only ever done this once, and it hadn’t gone well. But he liked having a friend, and more than that, he liked having Meg as a friend. He didn’t want her to think he wasn’t interested because of any fault of her own.

“Cas,” she said. When he didn’t respond, she poked him in the arm. “Castiel.” He raised his eyes. “It’s cool. It’s not like you can just choose to like girls when a pretty one asks you on a date.”

“I… Understand, if you would rather not be friends,” Cas said, cautiously.

“What?” Meg’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about? Why would I not want to be friends?” She laughed a little. “That would be super ironic, considering I told you I went to juvie and you didn’t bat an eye.”

“Because I’m gay,” Cas said quietly, looking down again.

Meg grabbed both his hands. “Cas, hun, there’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

He looked up again, eyes wide. “What? I mean, I know that, I just… Not everyone does.”

Meg smiled sadly at him and gripped his hands a little tighter. “Well, I do. No biggie. We’re going to be iconic together, you and I. Sexiest gay-straight alliance of all time.”

Cas smiled weakly, relief flooding his entire body. “Thank you, Meg. I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to make any judgements on your character. It’s just… This,” he motioned at the air between them, “has never gone well for me.”

Meg shook her head. “That’s a shame,” she said. “I haven’t known you that long. But I think I can tell that you — all the parts of you — are awesome.”

“You can still come to the party,” she added after a moment.

Cas shook his head, capping and uncapping his pen repeatedly. “Parties… They’re not really my scene.”

“All right. You know who to call if you change your mind.”

                   On Halloween, Castiel returned from his nightly run to find Dean pulling on a flannel. He checked his watch — he had barely made it. 6:57 pm.

“Right on time,” Dean said. “I was about to leave without you.”

“I would have never forgiven you if you did,” Cas joked. Then, “Are Charlie and Benny coming?”

“Nah, they’re both busy tonight. Halloween parties, you know.”

“Oh.” Castiel took a large sip of his water. “You’re not attending a Halloween party?”

Dean shrugged. “Wasn’t really feeling it tonight. Plus, I have a feeling you’ve never seen The Exorcist?” When Cas shook his head, Dean rubbed his hands together. “Oh man, we are totally watching it tonight. Unless you’re busy,” he added, raising his eyebrows at Cas.

“I’m not,” Cas replied. Dean knew this already, of course, otherwise Cas might have made something up. The waters in which he tread got more dangerous each day. He couldn’t escape the warm feeling flooding his chest at the idea of Dean ditching the parties for a movie night.

It was precisely that feeling that caused him to hurriedly ask, “Would you mind if I invited Meg to dinner?”

“Who?” Dean asked, lacing up his boots.

“Meg Masters. She’s the friend from accounting that I told you about.”

“Ah,” Dean said. “Right. What, just me isn’t good enough anymore?” Cas thought he was joking, but it seemed forced.

“Dean —”

“I’m kidding, man,” Dean said with a short laugh. “Sure, she can come.”

Castiel hurriedly splashed his face with cold water and shed his sweaty t-shirt in favor of a hoodie. Dean feigned a sniff in his direction and made a face, to which Cas replied with an eye-roll. As they left their dorm, Cas sent a text to Meg.

CN (7:02 pm)

Would you like to get dinner with Dean and me?

CN (7:02 pm)

Unless you’re already at your party, in which case, be safe.

MM (7:03 pm)

Party not til later. hot roommate dean?

CN (7:04 pm)

...Is that a yes?

MM (7:04 pm)

Yes please ;) shocker dining?

CN (7:05 pm)

Yes. We’ll meet you there.

Dean grabbed a burger and an inordinate amount of fries while Castiel loaded his plate with spaghetti and a salad. Meg walked into the dining room just after he and Dean sat down, and Cas waved her over.

“Meg,” he said, offering her the seat next to his, “this is Dean Winchester. Dean, this is Meg Masters.” Dean smiled at her with a mouthful of french fries. Cas dropped his head in exasperation.

“Pleasure,” Meg said with a half-cocked smile. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Dean shrugged. “I am pretty awesome. Can’t say the same about you, though.”

Cas went bright red. He shot Dean a glare, then turned to Meg. “He’s joking —”

Meg’s grin only widened, and she giggled. “It’s all right, Cas, I’m not very interesting.” She raised an eyebrow at him. He became extremely intent upon eating his dinner.

Dean stared at her for a moment, chewing a bite of burger. “So,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “You know Cas from accounting?”

“That’s right,” Meg said brightly.

“So he’s your tutor or somethin’?”

Cas interjected. “Actually, Meg is far more capable than I am. She essentially taught me everything about liabilities.”

“Adorable,” Dean grumbled.

“Isn’t it?” Meg asked sweetly. “And you’re his roommate.”

“Yep.”

“Lucky you.” She gave him a wink. Dean choked on his diet Coke, and Castiel prayed to whomever was listening that he might cease to exist.

“Meg,” he said, giving her a pointed look, “did you finish the homework?”

She pulled her eyes away from Dean. “Yeah, I did.” She dropped her voice. “Did you want to go over it? At my place?” She winked at Cas, who stared at her in horror. Why was she acting like this? “You know,” Meg continued, “We can do other things too. Besides accounting.”

Dean cleared his throat loudly. “I’m gonna go grab some more fries. Do y’all want anything?” 

Cas and Meg shook their heads. When Dean had left the table, Cas gave Meg a death stare.

“What’s wrong with you?” He hissed. “I thought we covered this —”

“Yes, Cas, hun, I know you’re extraordinarily gay,” Meg said with an eyeroll. “I’m not actually interested. I’m just conducting an experiment.” 

Cas narrowed his eyes. “What ‘experiment’—”

He closed his mouth abruptly and leaned away from Meg when he saw Dean returning from the buffet line. He returned to his seat, looking between Cas and Meg suspiciously. Cas downed his water in one swift action.

“So, Dean,” Meg said after taking a bite of her pizza. “I hear you’re educating our friend here on pop culture.”

Dean didn’t bother to look up at her while he swirled a fry in ketchup. “Guess so.” 

Cas cleared his throat to interject. This direction of conversation was much better. “Meg asked what my favorite movie was,” he explained to Dean, who still hadn’t looked up from his plate. “I told her about how much I liked Back to the Future when we watched it last week.” 

Dean gave him a small smile. “Yeah, that movie’s friggin’ awesome.”

Cas turned to Meg. “We’re watching The Exorcist tonight.” 

Meg gasped dramatically. “So that’s why you blew off our date?”

Dean sputtered into his drink. “Date?” He said through a cough.

Cas looked helplessly at Meg, who unhelpfully smiled back. He was going to have words with her after this. 

“I asked him to come to the SigEp party, but he said he was busy,” Meg said, feigning a pout. “But I get it, parties aren’t really Cas’s thing, anyway.”

Dean’s eyes flickered quickly between Cas and Meg. “All right, am I missing something?” He asked. His leg was bouncing against the table leg, hard enough that Cas’s plate was vibrating. 

Cas looked at him, panicked, and stuttered out, “I don’t —”

“Like what?” Meg asked, sipping on her water.

“You his girlfriend or somethin’?”

This question delighted Meg. “Why don’t you ask him?”

Dean turned to Cas with an exasperated look. “Well?” He prodded.

Cas was sure he was about three different shades of red at this point. “What — I — no,” he sputtered.

Dean seemed to relax a little. Meg was still grinning like a madman. “There you go,” she said.

Castiel could not formulate a single coherent thought. He was confused as to how they even ended up here. The silence between the three of them was thick and awkward. Meg paid it no mind, just popped a strawberry in her mouth and gave Dean a sickly sweet smile. Dean excused himself to use the restroom, hitting his leg on the table and nearly tripping over his chair. Once he had left, Meg turned to Cas, her eyes sparkling.

“You are so in,” she said.

“What the hell was that?” He asked her. “What just happened?”

“He thinks I’m into you,” she explained. She took a bite of her pizza, then continued, “And he thinks you might be into me. And he hates that.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Cas scoffed.

Meg laughed, throwing her head back. When Cas fixed her with a glare, her eyes widened. “You really don’t see it?”

Cas pinched the bridge of his nose. “There’s nothing to ‘see’. I already told you.”

“Yeah, right. Whatever, you’ll thank me later.”

“For creating what is perhaps the most awkward dinner I’ve ever had in my life?”

She waved him off. “Don’t be such a baby, it wasn’t that bad.”

Cas gave her a look that suggested otherwise. She sighed.

“Look, the way you talk about him…” Meg grabbed Cas's hand when he rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. You like him, and now you know he likes you too.” She sat up proudly. “I just did all the heavy lifting for you.”

“Right,” Cas said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Obviously, this interaction points to an inevitable romantic encounter. Except, and I think this is important, Dean is not gay.”

Meg raised an eyebrow. “Well, the way he looks at you, he’s not straight either. Plus, he apparently still thinks you’re straight, so you two haven’t had that conversation yet. He could be flamingly bisexual and you would never know.”

“This conversation is exhausting.” Cas felt like he was watching a Disney Channel Original Movie, and Meg was a fifteen-year-old matchmaker.

Meg laughed. “I’m sure you’ll survive. By the way, did you actually want to go over the homework this weekend?”

“Yes,” he said, relieved at the change in subject.

Dean returned then. “Are y’all done?” He asked, pointing to their plates. Cas and Meg both nodded, offering “thank you’s” as Dean took their plates to the dish rack. They followed him to the exit, the crisp air sending a chill through Castiel.

“Did you want me to walk back with you, Meg?” Cas offered.

She beamed at him. “You’re so sweet, but no. I’m getting an Uber to Sig Ep, anyway.” She dug into her coat pocket and pulled out something small and black. “Plus, if anyone tries anything, they’ll find themselves electrocuted. Just a little bit.”

Cas grinned. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“See you on Monday, Cas,” Meg said, giving him a hug that lasted just a touch too long. “It was good to meet you, Dean.”

“You too,” Dean muttered.

They watched her walk away for a moment. Cas wanted to avoid looking at Dean for as long as humanly possible. He had no idea how he was supposed to explain the previous interaction.

“So,” Dean said, clearing his throat. “She’s… Nice.”

“She is,” Castiel agreed earnestly. “Dean, I’m sorry, Meg can be a bit…” He struggled to find an adequate descriptor. “I think she enjoys others’ discomfort a bit too much, sometimes,” he finished.

Dean let out a short laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. It’s not a big deal, man.”

They stood in silence, Dean looking at the ground intently, Cas tugging on the strings of his hoodie. Dean kicked a rock, then sighed. “You, uh, you ready to head back?”

“Yes,” Cas replied.

The walk back to their dorm was quiet. Castiel couldn’t tell for sure, but he thought Dean looked bothered. He felt bad — he had honestly expected for Meg and Dean to get along. He had thought them to be similar in their confident and boisterous personalities. Now, he wondered if that was precisely the problem. Too much personality at the same dinner table. He winced internally at his own poor judgement. Meg obviously took no issue with the encounter, but he worried that Dean might hold it against him.

Dean let them into their room, then wrinkled his nose at Cas once more. “Dude, seriously, go take a shower. You’re gross.”

“Actually, I enjoy the feeling of my sweat drying all over my skin. I was thinking of going straight to bed like this. It’s not as if I didn’t take a shower because of your constant insistence upon eating meals at the same time every day”

Dean made a gagging motion. “Hey, we had an appointment, and you were almost late. How is that my fault?”

Cas just rolled his eyes and gathered his things to head to the showers. He let out a muttered, “Crap” when he realized nearly all of his laundry was dirty. He’d been busy this week, and running every day tended to render his clothes unwearable after a single use. He made a mental note to do laundry first thing in the morning. He was able to find an old pair of gym shorts, but not a single t-shirt remained in his closet. Cas groaned inwardly. So he would simply have to sit next to Dean for approximately two-and-a-half hours, shirtless. Fantastic.

When he returned from his shower, Cas found Dean cooking two bags of popcorn, the title menu of The Exorcist already on screen. Dean stood up from the microwave when Cas entered, and was halfway into a thumbs-up when he did a double take.

“Uh… We goin’ shirtless tonight, Baywatch?” He said, tugging at his collar.

Castiel tilted his head. “I don’t understand that reference.”

“Of course you don’t,” Dean said with a chuckle. “Seriously, though, dude.”

Cas sighed as he sat on their beanbag. “I have a lot of laundry to do tomorrow,” he said by way of an explanation.

Dean didn’t respond, but made his way to his own closet. He ruffled through it for a moment before Cas was hit in the face by a t-shirt.

“Here, just wear one of mine,” Dean said. He coughed and crossed his arms over his chest. “‘S kinda cold in here, anyway.”

Cas held up the shirt. It was a Led Zeppelin graphic tee, vintage, from their tour in 1977. Cas raised his eyebrows at Dean.

“It’s pretty awesome right?” Cas donned the t-shirt. “Sammy got it for me from a Goodwill a couple years ago. Another of my prized possessions.” He looked at Cas with feigned scrutiny. “Looks good on you,” he said.

Cas played with the hem as he said, “Thank you.” Dean coughed again and walked back to the microwave to retrieve their popcorn. The air was palpable with awkwardness.

Dean turned out the lights. They settled onto the beanbag, as had become custom in the last few weeks. 

Not even thirty minutes in, Dean’s phone began to ring. “Hey, my brother’s callin’, can you pause it?” Dean said.

Cas obliged, and Dean stood as he said, “Hey, Sammy, how’s it goin’?”

Cas sat awkwardly with his hands in his lap, doing his best not to eavesdrop on Dean’s conversation. Though, he supposed if it was private, Dean could have moved to the hallway. Instead, he leaned against the door, twisting the beaded bracelet on his left hand. 

“He did what?” Dean suddenly yelled, and Cas jumped. Dean shot him a quick apologetic look. “

“Sammy, calm down, it’s okay,” Dean said, and Cas couldn’t pretend to not listen anymore. He looked at Dean with a silent question, but Dean was staring hard at the wall, his free hand balled into a fist. 

“Put him on the phone,” Dean said in a low voice. A pause. “What, so now he’s allowed to treat you like shit whenever he wants?” Another pause. A slow exhale from Dean. “No, you’re right. I don’t… I won’t make it worse.” Pause. “Do you want me to come down there? Because I will, you know I will.” 

Dean was silent for a long moment before asking, “Are you sure?” He sighed at whatever his brother said on the other line. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything, I guess. And Sam? I’m really fucking sorry. I should’ve stayed, I don’t…” He trailed off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, I know. Yeah. Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.” 

Dean lowered the phone from his ear. He stood silently for a moment, angry gaze directed at the floor. Then, causing Cas to jump once more, he turned and hurled his fist at the door. 

There was a loud thud upon impact, and then Dean was yelling “Fuck! Goddammit!” as he cradled his hand. Cas stood abruptly, but had no idea what to do. He walked toward Dean, cautiously.

Dean’s eyes were closed, and he was heaving deep breaths. Cas put a hand on his shoulder. “Dean?” He ventured.

“Sorry,” Dean mumbled, still not looking at Cas. “I just — Fuck, that was so stupid,” he said, shaking out his affected hand. “Sorry,” he repeated to the wall. 

“It’s fine,” Cas said, even though he thought it definitely wasn’t. “What happened?” 

Dean just shook his head. Cas’s hand remained on his shoulder. He tightened his grip, a little nervous that Dean might shove him off. “Dean,” he persisted. “You can tell me.” 

Finally, Dean looked at him, and Cas thought if that level of rage was ever directed at him, he would promptly die. Instead, he raised an eyebrow. “Are you all right?” 

“No,” Dean growled. “I gotta — I don’t know, I need to calm down. I don’t actually want to break something,” he said, motioning to the door. “I’m gonna go for a smoke.” 

Cas dropped his hand and folded his arms across his chest. “I’ll go with you.” 

“Cas —” Dean started, but Cas silenced him with a look. He grabbed one of Dean’s flannels from his desk chair and threw it at him. Dean caught it with a cross between surprise and irritation. Cas grabbed his own windbreaker and put it on, looking expectantly at Dean. 

“Are we going?” He asked. 

Dean looked at him as if he was trying to decide whether arguing was worth it. A sigh confirmed that it wasn’t. He silently pulled on his flannel and opened the door, ushering Cas through before exiting himself. 

They walked in silence, despite the fervor of Cas’s concern and curiosity at Dean’s outburst. Dean’s jaw was set, and he took a long, slow breath when they hit the crisp fall air. When they reached the Impala, Cas silently moved to lean on the hood while Dean retrieved his lighter and a cigarette. 

Dean joined Cas as he took a long draw. He exhaled the smoke upwards, his eyes closed. His face was still turned to the sky when he asked, “This really doesn’t bother you?”

“What?”

Dean brandished his cigarette in answer, turning to raise an eyebrow at Cas. 

Cas shrugged. “It’s not particularly comforting. But, there are worse things.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up thoughtfully. “Besides, you’ve been smoking for years. If anyone could convince you to quit, your random college roommate isn’t the most likely option.” 

Dean gave him a strange look before exhaling another plume of smoke. He coughed a little. “I think you have long passed the line between ‘random roommate’ and ‘new best friend.’”

Cas gave a little chuckle. “That’s good to hear.” Inside, his world was falling down and rebuilding itself anew. Dean thought of Cas as his best friend. Cas had never known that feeling, to have someone care about him like that. Cas wondered if that could be enough, being Dean’s best friend.  

He didn’t say anything more, though, just let Dean finish his cigarette. After throwing the butt on the pavement and stomping on it, he heaved a sigh. 

“My dad…” He started, but paused. “He, uh, he said some stuff to Sam. My brother.” 

Cas nodded, doing his best to keep his face neutral. Talking things through wasn’t Dean’s strong suit, and Cas didn’t want dramatics to make it more difficult. 

“What did he say?”

Dean shifted and rubbed his hands together. “Bunch of bullshit. ‘It’s your fault your Mom’s dead, it should have been you instead of her.’” Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth. “I mean, he used to say that to me. He gets into these moods when he drinks, says a bunch of shit he doesn’t mean.” 

Dean shoved himself off the hood and began to pace in front of Cas. “But I could take it, you know? Sammy’s just a kid. He doesn’t need to hear that.” 

“Your father says things like this often?” Cas asked, a tinge of horror in his voice. 

“He used to. But only to me. Never to Sam.” 

Cas took a deep breath, trying to discern how best to proceed. “Dean,” he said slowly, “he shouldn’t say those things. Ever. Not to Sam, and not to you.” 

“I’m just confused,” Dean said. “And pissed. Sam and him are usually okay. I mean, they’re not buddies or anything, but Dad leaves him alone for the most part.”

“I don’t want to overstep,” Cas said, “But it seems like your father used you as an outlet for misplaced rage. A punching bag, if you will. And now you’re gone, so Sam is the next best thing.” 

Dean met Cas'seyes with a horrified look. “God. I didn’t… You’re right. Shit, this is my fault, I can’t believe I —”

“No, Dean,” Cas growled. He stood and grabbed Dean by both shoulders. “This is your father’s fault. Not yours.”

“But I left Sam, alone, with him,” Dean said, and Cas could see panic rising in his eyes. “How could I do that, why —” Cas interrupted him again. “Why did you decide to attend college, Dean? What’s the real reason?”

“What?” Dean gave him an incredulous look. “I don’t know.” 

Cas tilted his head down, skeptical. 

Dean let out a long sigh. “Okay, all right. I went because Sam is smart, and he needs to go. But we don’t have any money. So I figured if I came and got a degree or some shit, I could make enough to throw him some cash while he goes to school. Get some summer internships and save up for his college fund. He’d probably still have to take out loans and stuff, but if I got a good job, I could help him pay them off.” 

Cas wasn’t sure what answer he had expected, but it wasn’t that one. He felt his heart break for the man standing in front of him, who did everything he could and more for the people he cared about and never felt like it was enough. 

“Would Sam ever hold that against you?” When Dean didn’t respond, Cas continued. “I know I wouldn’t. I have four older siblings, and not a single one of them has ever done something like that for me.”

“But—”

“You’re making yourself miserable over something that isn’t your fault,” Cas said. “Did you have anyone protecting you when your father went on a tirade?” 

“No, but—”

“Is Sam incapable of handling himself?”

“No, but Cas—”

“He’ll be alright, Dean,” Cas insisted. “You can’t live your whole life as his shield. You’ll break yourself trying.” 

Dean was silent, and wouldn’t  meet Cas's eyes. Cas dropped his hands and leaned back against the Impala. “Did you ever think that Sam might have wanted you to go to school simply so you could get yourself out? Did you ever think that Sam hates the way your father treated you as much as you hate what he did to Sam tonight?” 

Dean pursed his lips together, but his jaw relaxed slightly. Finally, he muttered, “I guess I never thought about it like that.” 

Cas felt relief wash over him. He’d never seen Dean like this — angry and frantic. Cas wondered if Dean always did this, shouldered the blame for every bad thing his brother had to endure. The thought made his chest hurt. 

Dean’s hands were hanging limply at his side. He looked exhausted. Against his better judgement, Cas grabbed Dean by the forearm and pulled him into a hug. Dean was still for a moment, but then sighed and rested his head on Cas's shoulder. 

“Sorry, man,” he said. “I didn’t mean to act like that, punching things and shit. I just get so angry, and I don’t know what to do with it.” 

Cas was trying very hard to form a coherent thought. “There’s no need for apologies. I understand.” 

A chuckle escaped Dean’s lips. “You must think I’m a complete nutjob, huh?” 

Cas tilted his head in consideration. Dean’s hair tickled his cheek. “No. I think your father spent years verbally abusing you, and you’re doing your best in spite of that.” 

Dean broke the hug abruptly. The sudden space between them felt criminal. “I mean, I don’t know if it’s abuse…” He started, but, at Cas's look, he trailed off. Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks, Cas,” he said quietly. “Honestly, dude, I don’t know what I would have done without you.” 

Cas's cheeks warmed, and he shrugged. “You would have done the same for me.” 

Dean gave him a small smile. Cas’s heart nearly broke with relief. “I’m beat,” he said. “Bed?” 

Cas nodded eagerly. “Bed.” 

When they reached the stairs, Dean broke the heavy silence.

“So…” He began. There was a false brightness in his voice; he was obviously searching for levity. “You hanging out with your girlfriend tomorrow?” 

“If you’re referring to Meg, she’s still not my girlfriend,” Cas replied vacantly. “And yes.” He suddenly felt exhausted. First the mortifying dinner with Meg, then the heavy conversation with Dean. He hardly had it in him to field jokes about Meg being his girlfriend.

“She’s not your girlfriend yet,” Dean amended, giving Cas a smirk that didn’t meet his eyes. 

And what was Cas supposed to say to that? Meg was funny and smart and beautiful. She and Cas studied together on the regular. There was absolutely no reason he shouldn’t be interested in Meg from Dean’s perspective. 

Of course, if Dean knew he was gay… 

Cas didn’t know if he could face the consequences of coming out to Dean. Would he be upset that Cas hadn’t told him earlier? Would he be uncomfortable with a gay man as his roommate? As his friend? Cas may have expanded his social circle, but he still couldn’t bear to lose Dean. 

But, then again, Dean had defended him once already, without knowing whether or not he was gay. He’d sounded indifferent to the possibility then. And just tonight, he’d called Cas his best friend. Dean cared more deeply for his friends and family than anyone Cas had ever met. Cas was in that group. Dean wouldn’t shove him out of it because of who he loved.

Right?

As they reached the entrance to their hall, Dean poked Cas in the shoulder. “Hey, Earth to Major Tom,” he said. “You okay over there?” 

Cas realized he hadn’t said a word since they started their ascent up the stairs. He sighed heavily.

Perhaps this was as good a time as any. 

“Dean,” he said, but closed his mouth. He should just say it. He had nothing to worry about. This wasn’t Bartholomew. He knew that, but the words remained stuck in his throat.

“What?” Dean said, eyebrows raised. “Cas,” he prodded, waving a hand in front of Cas’s face. 

“I’m not…” Cas swallowed. “I will never date Meg,” he finished, with a pointed look. 

Dean side-eyed him as they walked to their door. “What, she’s not your type?” 

Cas gave him a lopsided smile. “You could say that.” 

“I dunno, man, maybe you should reconsider, you two are pretty adorable, in a gross way —”

“Dean.” Cas was about to rip his hair out. He wasn’t taking the hint. “She’s not my type. She’s a girl.”

Realization dawned on Dean’s face. “Oh,” he said.

“I apologize for not telling you sooner,” Cas said, bracing for the worst. “If that makes you uncomfortable, I understand —”

“What?” Dean practically shouted. At Cas’s look of surprise, he lowered his voice. “No, Cas, are you kidding? I thought I told you, after all that shit with Cole. It’s not a big deal.”

“Knowing your roommate might possibly be gay and knowing he is, indeed, gay are two very different things.”

Dean looked at Cas like he had just made the worst joke in the world. “I’m not gonna, like, try to move out.” As they approached their room, Cas stared resolutely ahead, walking with purpose. But Dean jumped out in front of him, a hand on Cas’s chest to stop him in his tracks. 

“Dude, it’s gonna take more than that to get rid of me. I lost my shit and punched a door, like, an hour ago, and you barely even blinked.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest.

Cas met Dean’s eyes and found unparalleled sincerity.

“I don’t… You’re not the least bit upset?” Cas asked, slightly incredulous. 

Dean shrugged. “You’re my best friend, Cas,” he said as he straightened. “Nothing’s gonna change that.” He pulled on his bracelet. “I do feel bad though, for making you feel like you couldn’t tell me. Not that you had to, or anything,” he added in a rush.  

Cas shook his head vigorously. “It has nothing to do with you, Dean. I’m… I’m new at this,” Cas explained. “The first time, with Bartholomew… I believe he was, as you would say, a dick about it.” 

Dean’s eyes turned stormy. “Bastard,” he said. “I’m sorry, Cas. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.” 

Cas nodded. “You’re right. It was rather unfortunate. I haven’t spoken to him since the night I told him I was gay.” 

Dean moved back to Cas’s side and slung an arm around his shoulders. “His loss,” he said. “You’re friggin’ awesome, dude.” 

Cas smiled. Dean patted him on the back and let the two of them into their room. 

Cas brushed his teeth and climbed into bed. Dean returned minutes later from a shower, and he flipped off the lights as he made his way to his own bunk. 

Cas pulled off Dean’s shirt and threw it across the room. Dean’s head caught it, and he yelped.

“Thank you for the loan,” Cas said, smiling. 

An odd expression crossed Dean’s face before he threw the Zeppelin shirt back to Cas. “Keep it,” he said. When Cas gave him a confused look, he put a hand on the back of his neck. “I meant what I said. Looks good on you.” 

---------

tagging @nguyenxtrang :)))

#supernatural #destiel #deancas #destiel fic #spn

[coleisunderrated]

My 100th Post

I can’t believe it happened so soon. I made it to 100 posts without being eaten alive on this hellsite. To celebrate this milestone, remember that post with my headcanon of Ash perfectly mimicking Zane’s voice? I went through with the idea of making a short story based on Kai’s quote so here it is!

Kai sat in one of those rooms where prisoners get to talk to friends and relatives while being separated by those glass walls. The orange jumpsuit was so uncomfortable, especially because he was literally wearing nothing else. Apparently, being a ninja doesn’t make him exempt from the law but it better be worth it...

“Where is he?” Kai’s ears picked up a familiar silky smooth voice carrying hints of exasperation.

An officer guided the white ninja to the room where Kai awaits him. Zane sat on the other side of the glass and stared at him with a face that was worthy of being next to the word ‘disappointment’ in the dictionary.

“Zane! Thank god you’re here!” Kai didn’t care how pissed the nindroid was and he still wouldn’t respond but it didn’t matter. The fire ninja will get what’s been promised to him. After several moments where no words were exchanged, the fire ninja went straight to the point.

“So... now are you gonna lemme smash?” Kai bluntly asked.

“Why would I want to do that after what you just did?!” Zane finally broke his silence in an incredulous tone and looked at the fire ninja like he was some sort of disgusting creature. Everyone else in the room turned to stare at the normally calm ice ninja yelling at Kai.

“But that’s what you told me to do!” The fire ninja still insisted.

“I would never allow you to do something as foolish as that!”

“And yet you did! You called me at exactly 11:28 from McRonald’s!”

“I wasn’t there at the time!”

“Then where were you!?”

“I was at the Samurai X layer helping Nya and Pixal all morning! I told you I was going to meet them and I even made food for Nya and Pixal doesn’t like to eat! There was nothing to necessitate a visit to any eateries!”

“Wait, so you’re telling me you didn’t tell me to run around Mega Monster Amusement Park naked singing All Star!?” Kai asked, not happy that he humiliated himself all for nothing.

“NO!” The ice ninja was one iota away from the robot equivalence of a brain aneurysm.

“But you really said that and I have proof! I just need my phone!”

“Officer, if you please.” Zane beckoned the security guard to fetch the device.

The brawny guy searched through Kai’s confiscated items and soon found the fire ninja’s phone and handed it over to Zane. With a simple scan, Zane gleaned the password and searched through the records of all the calls Kai received and found the most recent contact. The phone number didn’t match up with anyone the ninja know. Zane couldn’t believe Kai was so trusting as to accept a call from a complete stranger.

“This is not a number any of us have ever contacted before. Why did you even answer in the first place?”

Just listen to the voicemail!” Kai urged the nindroid to keep investigating.

With some reluctance, the white ninja checked the voicemail from the number. Little did he know he’s in for an unpleasant surprise.

“Greetings, Kai.” A voice that sounded just like Zane’s spoke, leaving the ice ninja stunned. Only Pixal could replicate his voice but she never left the Samurai X lair so it can’t be her.

“I have something very important to tell you but only if you call back.” Whoever imitated Zane repeated with each and every ignored call.

“Apparently, you did call back...” Zane glared at Kai. He still can’t believe the red ninja allowed himself to be duped so easily.

“Luckily for you, I had our conversation recorded in case you’re still in denial!” Kai remained defiant and Zane was tempted to leave him right then and there. Still, he planned to discover the truth and played the recording...

“Zane, is that you?” Kai’s voice played out.

“Of course it’s me. Do you not recognize the voice of the one you love?” The same person replied again with a perfect impression of the nindroid’s voice. It was so strange for Zane to hear his own voice coming from someone else besides himself and Pixal.

The more Zane listened, the more appalled he became. This imposter had potentially defamed his character and manipulated Kai into tarnishing his permanent record. Not only that but they said a bunch of stuff the real Zane would never say. He still can’t believe Kai fell for it. The white ninja wasn’t going to let this person go so easily. He’s going to find them and deliver karma.

“I must get to the bottom of this.” Zane didn’t hesitate to begin his own quest to solve this mystery.

“Wait! But who’s gonna bail me out!? You can’t just leave me here! Zane!” Kai banged on the glass but the white ninja was out of the building within seconds.

He better get back before he has to go into those prison showers...

Zane went straight to Borg Industries and searched the data of the phone number. Turns out the owner of the phone was someone named Brent M. That’s one clue down. Next, the nindroid searched for all the Brent M.s in Ninjago, assuming the owner of the phone had some sort or relation with anyone the ninja knew. He looked through their family history, Bookface accounts, and even Instameter. It was time-consuming but a ninja never quits. The nindroid kept snooping until something caught his glowing optics in the ninteenth Brent M.’s Instameter. He recognized the person that apparently had blood ties with him.

This Brent was a distant relative of none other than Ash, the Master of Smoke. Looks like he’ll be paying the elemental master a visit...

One moment the Elemental Masters were minding their business and the next thing they knew, a freak blizzard struck their house. Before they could investigate, a figure clad in white marched in.

“Zdravstvuyte Zane!” Karlof greeted the nindroid cheerily, oblivious to the bitter cold and the ice ninja’s dark expression, “Why visit at time like this?”

“Where. Is. Ash?” Zane glowered, his voice distorted with rage and the calm way he spoke made it all the more terrifying.

“Oh! Ash hiding in kitchen! Ash! Say hello to Zane!” Karlof unwittingly ratted out the Master of Smoke he spotted under the table in the other room.

It took less than a split second before Ash found himself encased in ice from the neck down. Right in front of him was Zane and now he wished the phrase ‘if looks could kill’ was true because death was much more merciful than what the nindroid probably has in store for him.

“You were the one who called Kai, am I correct?” The ice ninja hovered over the incapacitated Elemental Master with a voice to match the terrible cold.

“W--w what are y-you t-t-talking about...?!” Ash asked through clattering teeth.

“Don’t feign innocence. I tracked down the call and you’re the only person with access to that number as well as knowing Kai’s.”

The Master of Smoke should’ve known Zane would find out. The nindroid never knows when to quit.

“Dude, it was just a prank!” The Master of Smoke confessed, “No one was physically hurt so what’s the big deal?”

“Oh? And what if I get destroy all your belongings and then say it’s just a prank? Will that make it better? I can do that right now if that’s what you think.” Zane went for the cupboards and found Ash’s collection of snacks from his home country.

“Y-you’re not r-r-really gonna d-do that a-are you?” Ash asked but the white ninja didn’t respond. The nindroid mutely dropped a handful of Gansitos onto the ground and began stomping on them.

“No! Anything but that! Stop!” The Elemental Master begged but the nindroid moved on to the de la Rosa Mazapan and scattered the fragile peanut candy all over the already ruined Gansitos, completely ignoring Ash’s pleas. He paused to give him an ultimatum, “Did I hear something? Oh well. I won’t stop until I hear an apology.” With that, he moved on to the Pulparindo, tearing up the tamarind pulp into shreds.

Ash still pleaded but Zane kept destroying his precious hoard like he didn’t exist. The nindroid crushed every last Vero Mango lollipop until he moved on to the next snack...

“No! Not the Takis! Anything but the Takis!” Ash cried out and still, the white ninja ignored him. He opened a bag and fetched a bottle of milk and was about to pour it onto the super spicy snack until...

“Okay, okay! Fine! I’m sorry! I’ll tell everyone the truth! Just leave the Takis alone!” Ash finally caved in, now a blubbering mess.

“Are you gonna tell them everything?” Zane made sure Ash was being truthful. He wasn’t going to accept a half-assed mumbled fake apology like Lloyd does all the time.

“Yes! I’m sorry! Now let me go!”

The white ninja took an uncomfortably long time pondering over the thought of freeing Ash.

“Okay, but not only will you have to tell Kai the truth but also...”

Several hours later...

Kai was surprised to see Ash with Zane once he finally returned.

“Zane, what the hell is Ash doing here?” Kai asked.

“Tell him.” Zane curtly ordered the Master of Smoke to speak for himself.

“Uh... you remember that call ‘Zane’ sent you...?” Ash started.

“Yeah...?”

“It’s actually a funny story. You see, it all started when...”

More hours later...

Before he knew it, Kai was now stuck in a specially made fireproof cell in the Kryptarium Prison. Zane stood before him but this time, he couldn’t bring himself to even look at him.

“What did I do this time!?” The fire ninja complained.

“Really? You’re asking me that after committing attempted murder and arson?” Zane retorted dryly, “Now I’m gonna have to wait for Ash to get out of the hospital before he can make up for what he did...”

“And that is...?”

“Originally, I was going to make him pay for you bail but that will have to wait.”

“Really? You let him off the hook that easily?”

“Not exactly,” Zane retorted with an eerily calm aura, "That alone wouldn’t have been good enough. He will also have to drive me to my appointments with a therapist for separation counseling.”

“Hehe, gotta love when your humor switch is on!” Kai chuckled.

Zane stared at Kai coldly and briefly opened his chest panel to reveal the switch was off. Without saying a word, the ice ninja left.

“Zane...?” Now Kai was getting scared. What if they really do break up? Even worse, Zane was already gone.

...

The anguished cry of the ice ninja’s name echoed across the entire realm of Ninjago.

#ninjago #ninjago ash #oppositeshipping #my writing #might write when ash called kai idk

[finn-shelbys-bulldog]

Danger is a drug

Fandom : One Chicago

Plot : imagine being best friends with Antonio and returning from the navy seals, when a case comes up that he needs you help with.

Y/N x future!Kelly Severide, Y/N x Antonio Dawson (platonic)

Warning : mention of arson, murder, exercise and death (exercise and death are not related)

Antonio’s POV

“Antonio, Jay, we have a case. Burgess, Atwater, Lindsay and Al will meet us there” Voight says walking out of his office and throwing me the keys

“Where?” I ask

“Club downtown, mass shooting” he says as we leave the station

When we walk up to the scene I see firefighters are also on scene, as me and voight walk up to the scene Matt Casey and Chief Biden walk towards us.

“What you got?” Voight asks

“We got called out too a warehouse fire, when we went in we saw multiple people on the floor bleeding out, we pulled them all out before the fire got worse and we put it out. 56 victims, so far 28 haven’t made it” Casey says and we not

“Guys we found casings inside, looks like someone came in with an automatic, wanted to do damage” Atwater says walking towards us

“ Okay, get statements from all of the firefighter and witnesses, aswell as any names or doscriptions of people who have been around recently” Voight says and we leave, with Al and Lindsay following

“This look familiar to you?” I ask Voight and he looks at me

“Yeah, never went to this level before though” he says

“I have a uh— CI I could talk to. See if they know anything” I say and he nods

“when we get back to the station take Al, he won’t ask questions” Voight says and I nod sending a text to Y/N, I hope she doesn’t know about this.

Y/N’s POV

“Ugh, uh. Okay okay. I give” Thomas says tapping out

“Okay then, thought you’d last longer” I say

“Normally yeah, but not against your beatings Swan” he says, making me laugh

“What have I told you about calling me that”

“You’ve said not to, don’t care though, I gotta get going. Lillie needs me home” Thomas says and I nod

“Ever the family man” I say and we laughs before saying goodbye.

I decide to take a shower before opening up for the day, leaving everything I jump into a shower in a He changing rooms and I just stand under the hot water, letting the stress roll away.

When I get out of the shower I get dressed in my work clothes, deciding I was just gonna work today and give Kady the day off to spen with Travis, he son.

When I get the door open I leave it open so it could get some cold air in here, hopefully and I decide to check my phone and then workout a bit till someone comes in, which schools be in about an hour.

Hey, need help on a case. Gonna come by the gym with a friend in about 20 mins. See you then

I laugh, noticing how anyonio just invited himself and his friend.

I decide I have a while till he gets here, so I decide to work on my abs a bit. Might aswell keep up the navy training

I just tune the world out, letting everything slip away, it’s just me. I focus on remembering the procedure for cleaning a sniper rifle, take my mind off of the exercises. I focus so much that I don’t even hear Antonio come in.

“Hey Swan!” He shouts standing next to me, almost making me fall but my legs catch me.

Antonios POV

“So, who’s this CI we’re seeing?” Al asks, as I drive towards Y/N’s gym.

“She’s not a CI, she’s a uh-friend” I say

“Huh, friend aye?” He says

“Yes” I say with gritted teeth

“Okay” He says smirking

I just continue driving for about ten minutes when we pull up to her gym downtown, and I see the front doors wide open and there’s softer music playing then to be expected.

As we get out Al looks to me, letting me go first, I walk straight past the front door and towards the boxing gym, which is most likely where Y/N Will be.

“So you know you way round the place?” Al says

“Yeah” I say in response openings the boxing gym door.

“Y/N!” I shout walking in seeing her doing pull ups on a punching bag.

“Y/N” I say walking towards her switching her music off but she doesn’t even hear me

“Y/N! Hey Swan!” I shout standing next to her, surprising her.

“Toni, what are you doing here?” She asks hugging me

“ I need your help, please” I say and she nods

“Hi. I’m Y/N” y/n says walking towards Al and sticking her hand out to shake his, him accepting.

“Hi. I’m Alvin Olinsky” Al says releasing Y/N’s hand.

“So what’s the case?” Y/N asks

I pass her the file on the mass shooting we had put together in a rush

“Oh my god” she says

Y/N’s POV

When I see the pictures in the file, I can’t help but remember the last time I saw a mass shooting like this, at least the last one in Chicago.

“ where?” I say hoping it wasn’t downtown or anywhere near there

“Downtown, abandoned warehouse, seemed like a rave or something similar” Dectectivw Olinsky says

“Okay. I’ll meet you at your precinct, I’ll go and talk to Thomas about ... about Jace” I say and Antonio nods and they leave, leaving me with the file.

I shoot a text to madison saying that I need to do something and that I’ll pay her overtime, and she reply’s that she’ll be here in five.

I get changed into something a bit more respectable.

I walk out of the changing rooms, nodding to madison as she s dealing with a customer. I grab my purse, keys and the file and jump in my car, heading towards Thomas’s house.

When I get to Thomas’s house I knock on the door and wait, soon I’m greeted by the lovely Lillie, Thomas’s wife.

“ hey Y/N! What you doing here?” She asks hugging me

“I’m looking for Tom, I need to talk to him.” I says and she nods

“He’s in his office, go straight up” Lillie says

“Thanks” I say passing her and running up the stairs to his office, following to knock on the door

Knock knock

“Come in” Tom says as I walk in

“Hey, I need you to look in at this” I say passing him the file

Gabby’s POV

I close the door to the Ambulance and me and shay walk towards the break room.

As we walk in I see everyone acting somewhat normal, or what can be classed as normal

“Hey Dawson, heat anything about that fire downtown, anything from your brother?” Herrmann asks

“Nope, but he said if he needed anything he’d call”

“Okay, th” he state to say again before we’re all called away to another warehouse fire

#onechicago #chicago pd #chicago med #chicago fire #chicago imagine #chicago forever #kelly severide #jay halstead #voight #x reader #alvin olinsky #navy seals

[dbh-readerinserts]

Hi, if you write for Male Readers, can I get one where the reader is a forensic scientist that actually likes having Connor around in the beginning and is always borrowing him from Hank to help on cases and just to hang?

This took me a long time to write cause I went overboard with it, I hope you like it! :) It’s also kinda long….

“Here’s that iced coffee you wanted (L.N),” Chris stated breaking the silence of your ‘home’(Chris tried his best to tell you to not call the lab your home, you could care less). You yawned, setting down the tools in hand and removing your gloves. All the while, he watched you do your clean up. Once you successfully removed everything and changed into your lab coat you began to make you way to Chris.

At the sight of a bag in his hands you knew what was in it, the label ‘China Moon’ plastered on it. Your stomach rumble had Chris lightly laughing before raising the bag to wave it in your face. “I also brought us some chinese food with egg rolls. Lord knows we both need it after hours on this case.”

“You didn’t have to buy me that.” You stated, wiping your forehead with a rag. Digging your fingers into your hair, you turned to look back at the blood samples on the table along with the dead child, staring grudgingly at the origami piece that was set near him on a different table. You knew you weren’t supposed to have it on you, but curiosity got the better of you.

It wasn’t everyday you got a copic cat killer as your case. It freaking excited you how much this guy got away with.

“It’s no problem, man. Just buy me some nice steak at that new restaurant and we’re even.”

“HA,” you scoffed at the notion, turning back at him with crossed arms. “So there was a catch to this. Had I know I wouldn’t have asked for anything.”

“Can’t take it back now can we?”

“Fuck you Chris.” You chuckled shaking your head. He began to lead the way back with you tagging behind him. He was rather slow prompting you to accidentally step on his heels more times than you hoped too.

“Man, I buy you food and you step on my heels. What a friend you are.”

“I’m sorry I got freakishly long legs,” you laughed purposely stepping on his heels. Laughing even harder when he in vain tried to kick you. “Hey man, I heard Hank’s got a new partner, but i’ve been chilling with my own cases, asshole loves to taunt the hell out of me the closer I get to the murder. But anyways, you’ve seen his partner?”

“Oh man, (Y.N),” He shook his head as you both entered the little kitchen area. He set the food on the table as well as your coffee, sliding it over to you. You thanked him before raising an eyebrow ready for him to continue. “Well first of all it’s an androi-”

“You’re shitting me ain’t you?” You pointed a finger a him accusingly, Hank was an unstable man who hated androids. He was rather ‘nice’ if you didn’t piss him off, but you’d doubt that he’d accept an android. You remembered once bringing up androids one night when you went drinking with him and the man was immediately hostile.

“No,” Chris laughed as he took out the food, “Hank’s never looked more pissed in my life. Apparently it’s perfectly designed to do detective work and a walking forensic machine. I might regret telling you that though, knowing your fascination with anything forensic or electronic.”

“Hmm,” you sipped on the drink, pondering the idea of a walking forensic machine. “Seems like my type.”

“I hate that you just said that.”

“I gotta meet him.” you stated opening your container of food, “I want an android buddy who can do forensics on the spot. Hank’s a lucky man.”

Chris laughed mid bite, giving you a look of amusement. “You never cease to amaze me with your android loving.”

Shrugging you began to eat your food, Chris did as well scrolling through his phone and opening up a soda. A calm silence between the two. As he put away the phone he opened his mouth to ask you something.

“How has your copy cat killer been?”

“Don’t even get me started,” You clenched a fist at the thought of his taunting. It was always the taunting. “This man knows exactly what he’s doing but recently i’ve found some blue blood that I’ve got to analyze cause i’ve never dealt with that before. God, it’s imprinted on some of the origam-”

“Excuse me.” A new voice ended your rambling, to which Chris laughed at the mad look on your face. “I apologize for interrupting you, Mr.(L.N).” Walking closer to you, you stared at the man who spoke. With brown eyes and hair to match, along with an LED light on the side of his face you knew exactly who this was.

Hank’s walking forensic android.

Damn.

“Hey!” You grew excited at the chance to finally talk to him. “You’re Hank’s new partner, right?”

“That is correct, yes.” he answered. “My name’s Connor, I was sent by Cyberlife to investigate deviant androids alongside him.”

“Hey that’s cool.” You held out a hand to which he shook it. “I was going to introduce myself but you clearly know it. Hm, did you ask around or what?”

“It is a feature programmed in me, I am able to identify anyone’s face and criminal history.”

“Ohh ohh tell me about myself.” You urged stuffing more pork fried rice in your mouth, “this shits so good..mmm.”

“Your name is (Y.N) (L.N), you’re 27 years old and have been charged in the past for arson.”

“Arson (Y.N), really?” Chris shook his head in disbelief, “Knew you were a bit off your marbles with how excited murder gets you but this takes the cake.”

“You have also been apart of an investigation for the current copycat killer.”

“That is correct.” You nodded, Chris was staring at you with disapproval. “Stop giving me that look.”

“Arson, man.”

“He has also been a murder suspect back then as well.”

“Jesus Christ.” Chris laughed, being one of the few in station to be accustomed to your antics. “I don’t know what’s worse having you as a partner or an android.”

“Probably me, cause Connor’s rather cute while i’m handsome and too distracting.”

Chris groaned, “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Cute?” Connor questioned, his LED flashing yellow.

“Yeah, you kinda remind me of a puppy.” You pointed out. “Come sit down with us. I wanna know more about you.”

“I can tell you some other time. I came in to ask you if you’d know what time Hank would come around possibly.” Connor said.

“I wouldn’t know to be blunt, I trap myself in my home and just hang with some dead bodies.”

“Please never say that again.”

“I’m gonna say it just to make you uncomfortable.” You replied facing Chris, Connor watched the exchange with a tilt of his head. “And tell me you wouldn’t rather spend time with people who can’t talk then to listen to Gavino talk any day.” Chris chuckled at the nickname you called the man.

“Talking to Gavin is like talking to a dead person y’know.” Chris said finishing his food, he closed the plastic and stood up. “Both give no good replies.” With that he left, leaving you and Connor to ponder what he said.

“That made no sense!” You shouted after him, laughing at the horrible joke anyways. “We both know that the dead would have better comebacks!”

With that out of the way, you continued to eat watching as Connor took the seat Chris had been sitting at. He stood straight up eyes staring into your own, you began to finish up some of the food.

In comparison you were slouched over eyes flickering back to the food and then to Connor. Funny they tried to make him appear human to ease some people but he was way too formal, no person stood straight like that.

Halfway through your chewing he spoke up, “Why have you never been apprehended for your past crimes?”

“My mom was a police officer, she let me get away with it to not ruin her image.” You rested your head on your hand. “Dad on the other hand, he kinda supported the mayhem, but then he introduced me to forensic science and the rest was history.”

“Your mom was a remarkable detective.” Connor stated, his LED flashed yellow. “She was top of her class and quit the force after your father’s death.”

“Correct.”You replied,”Ol’ dad-o got caught in one of her cases. Resulted in his death.”

“I am sorry for your lost.”

“It’s been years Connor it’s alright.” You waved off his pity. “Now onto the best part, what can you do on the field? Do you like deduce things like Sherlock or find the clues faster than normal?”

“I am capable of taking blood samples and everything standard for forensic in a more quicktime. People in the station seem only keen to see you though, not everyone’s comfortable in the presences of an android.” Connor said, his eyes seemed to look over to the doorway. Possibly looking for Hank.

“Wait….did you just say blood samples?” You asked pulling out the egg roll. The android’s eyes moved back onto you.

“Yes. That is what I said.”

“Oh my god, can you test android blood?”

“Thirium, is a yes.” Connor nodded. He gave you a questioning look. “Why?”

Standing up you left the chinese food and melting iced coffee in exchange for grabbing Connor’s wrist. He stumbled from your rather rough pull and followed you out of the lunch room. As you made your way back to the lab, Connor stopped you.

“I see Lieutenant, I’ve got to go.” Scoffing you re-directed your path, dragging the poor android along. Hank looked straight at you and then at the android with a huff of annoyance. He tried to move away, hurring to his station, you followed behind though knowing he didn’t exactly hate you. After all you were his favorite forensic bud to go to in his homicide cases.

“Hey Hank!”

“Hello Lieutenant.” Connor stepped up to his desk, the man heaved a sigh.

“What do you want (L.N)?”

“I’m going to kidnap your android for a bit, so I’ll see you around.” You smiled at him, the man nodded before thanking you.

“As long as it’s away from me.”

“But Lieute-” Connor cut himself off as you rolled your eyes, “We have very important cases Mr. (L.N).” He spoke sternly to you as you tapped your foot impatiently.

“(Y.N), please just call me (Y.N) man.” You looked down at him. “I’ve got important cases too, won’t hurt you if I told you that an android’s involved…”

Connor’s LED flashed yellow as he thought, “How do you know?”

“I was the first at the crime scene besides Chris, found an origami piece with blue blood on it at the time.” You explained, Hank seemed to pay attention to the conversation upon hearing origami. You decided it was best to leave now, you didn’t want him to hear you talk about the poor young boys who were being killed. He didn’t need a reminder. “Come on i’ll show you.”

Connor watched you as you walked away, before glancing over to Hank who seemed in a daze. “I’ll be back Lieutenant, please wait for me.”

“Just stay with the kid, he wants you more than I fucking do.” With that Hank turned to his computer, logging into it. Connor nodded and began to look for you, catching you waving from near the entrance.

“Come on Con!” You yelled causing some heads to turn, upon catching sight of you they returned to their tasks used to your yelling. “This killer can’t catch himself.”

“On it!” Connor replied hurrying over. Side by side the two of you walked over to your lab, entering it and Connor went on to business.

The second time you ran into Connor, he came to you. It was late at night and after having Connor test the blue blood, with his tongue which had you raving about how awesome it was much to Hank’s disgust. You got the investigation going again, and a very busy schedule.

Chris told you when you left the station to investigate a new murder on the outskirts of Detroit, the android seemed to consistently try and look for you. Just to talk with you for whatever odd reason. Which surprised you, not too many people enjoyed your company mainly because your way of thinking. You never minded though, it was life.

You didn’t think you’d see him for awhile, the lead you had was getting you closer and closer to the copycat killer which had you constantly on your toes.

Mid way through your blood sampling, Connor knocked on your lab door. Walking in to hear a television on with a bunch of crime shows running, you didn’t realize it was him until he spoke. “Hello (Y.N).”

“Connor!” You shouted delighted, you pushed up your glasses and set down the glass full of blood. “Hey how are you?”

“My body is functioning correctly, no malfunctions aside from…..I am not sure honestly.”

“What do you mean you aren’t sure dude. It’s your body shouldn’t you know?” You pointed out. Connor shifted on his feet, fingers tinkering with the cuffs of his sleeves. It seemed unnatural, he looked uncomfortable.

“I was given an option to save Hank, I didn’t do it and he’s tense with me.” He responded, but you could see him furrow his eyebrows. “It’s my mission to stop deviants but..”

“You feel guilty?” You offered, “Yeah, I mean if I left Chris to hang to get the origami killer i’d probably feel guilty too. It’s a common emotion but nothing wrong with it.”

“Androids don’t feel emotions. Only deviants, so it makes no sense.” Connor said. “I do not understand, I assumed you could help because you are friendly with most people. Even Gavin who doesn’t seem to happy to see me.”

“Gavin literally hates everyone, he makes an exception for me because i’m the quickest forensic  at the station because i’m always here.” You shrugged. “Don’t listen to him or any other assholes in here. Cops can be scummy, I would know.”

You leaned back on the chair you sat on, incredibly tired. The bags under your eyes were increasing by the minute but sleep didn’t matter if kids were up and dying and you were just doing nothing.

“(Y.N). You are lacking the proper sleep needed to function, plus your stress levels are very high which can result in numerous issues.” Connor walked over to you, putting the chair down and causing your legs to drop from the table. “I think it’s best if you went home and properly slept.”

“No no,” you covered your mouth as a yawn came out, “Listen these kids lives matter more than my stupid sleep, plus I got insomnia. Sucks really.”

“I insist.” Connor pushed. “You won’t be useful if you’re knocked out on the job. The least you could do is eat more regularly and just relax even with your insomnia.”

You glared at him before sighing. “Yeah you’re right. I’ll go.” You stood up and stepped around Connor who pushed in the chair, watching as you put away some tools and stripped off the lab coat in exchange for a jacket. “Night Connor….:” you whispered to him, leaving the room.

Connor watched as you left, but a glint at the corner of his eye caught his attention. Walking over to the desk, he picked up a set of keys, that also had a little tricket shaped in the face of a dachshund puppy, before glancing back over to the door you left at.

You forgot your car keys.

Connor decided to return them to you, walking up the steps to exit out. He, however, was cut short at the sight of you and Gavin talking, the latter looking thoroughly annoyed. The closer he got the more he could see the frustrated look on your face, your stress levels rising. He could also hear what Gavin was talking about.

“So you’re just gonna leave the paperwork to me? You promised you’d help but here we are! How shitty of you.”

Connor stepped in noting how you looked ready to deck the man, clenched fists never meant anything good. “Excuse me, (Y.N) has not had proper sleep nor any good food. If you need help with paperwork Gavin i’ll lend a hand.”

The man scoffed, glaring at Connor. “The hell would I need you to help you prick. Now get out of the way I was having a conversation.”

“More like you just yelling at me.” You said calmly.

“Shut it.”

“Leave (Y.N) alone Gavin. Or I will report you to your captain.”

Gavin shook his head, before grumbling. “Got yourself a bodyguard now, freak? Course you’d get along with him.” He walked away for once without any sort of violence occurring. In a way it disappointed you, Gavin’s mad face made your day sometimes simply because he was so expressive. Nonetheless you were glad to have him off your back.

You smiled at Connor gratefully, “Thanks Connor, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Your stress was rising and humans react on stress more than most emotions, aside from fear.” Connor stated, he grabbed your hand and set down a pair of keys. You blinked surprised that you had forgotten such a thing. “You also forgot your keys, would you like me to drive you home tonight? You might fall asleep while driving, I think it’d be for the best.”

“Sure! You know how to drive?”

“I have numerous elements coded into me.” He said taking the keys back, he followed you as you led him to your car. “So yes I know how to drive.”

“Neat, you got to show me more features inside of you.”

The third time you saw Connor was at Eden Club, Gavin had asked you(more like ripped you away from your lab) to check out the man who had died during sex.

Something you found really funny, for once Gavin agreeing, what a way to go.

You had already came to the conclusion that he had been strangled, the imprints on his neck proving that already. The only issue was the android that was broken beside him. That’s when Connor and Hank walked in, prompting Gavin to make smart comments before leaving the room. Completely forgetting about you. You continued to kneel beside the WR400 feeling a slight tinge of pity at the pitiful sight of her.

You wondered what could have occurred, the one thing stood out being this android. She was the only one in here, the only one who could strangle him but the issue is she is dead. How could she die after killing him?

Maybe there was an accomplice?

“Hello (Y.N).”

“Hey so-” Hank coughed into his fist none too subtle, “(Y.N)”

“Hey dad.” The man choked, before glaring at you.

“Don’t call me that!”

You shrugged glancing over to Connor. “Hey Connor, how are you this fine murderous night?”

“My systems all good. Nothing out of the ordinary.” Connor replied looking over to the dead man. “Are you feeling better after getting your proper rest and food.”

“Yes, actually I think it was good you took me home that night. Finally got a clue on who is next on the mans list and I figured out that well, it might be someone apart of our station. Talk about a plot twist, though it is a copycat killer anyways.”

“You’re doing a fantastic work, keep it up.” Connor encouraged as he analyzed the dead man. Hank watched the interaction with a raised eyebrow.

“Connor took you home?”

“Yes.” You nodded, “Very chivalry of him. A true dreamboat.”

“How does Chris deal with you?”

“By accepting me.” You said standing up, Connor then turned to the two of you. Explaining how he died, to which both you and Hank already knew. Connor then crouched to the dead android beside your feet, two fingers picking up the blue blood.

You leaned over ready to see how he did it and Hank muttered a ‘Connor! That’s disgusting.’ The android ignored him and began to explain the model type and mentioning that she was the only one to witness the crime.

“How are you going to get her witness testimony she’s dead.” You asked Connor, he lifted the android and looked back to you.

“It’s badly injured, so I have to reactivate it, it’ll last only a couple minutes though.” Connor opened up the girl which had you aweing at the display. He clicked something which sparked her to life. She stumbled back clearly terrified.

“Hey girlie, relax Connor won’t hurt you.”

She looked at you and than at Connor who reassured her as well. You just watched him question her and her replies. The android then shut down, leaving the note of another android in question.

“I fucking knew it!” You shouted as Connor stood up, Hank sighed telling you to quiet down.

“We need to move. Club policy says to wipe an android’s mind. We need to get to it quickly.” Connor left the room with you and Hank tagging along, you tagged along with Connor as he seemed to peer around the room. At one point got distracted at witnessing the pole dancers, talk about strength, it must be hard.

“Lieutenant!” Connor shouted startling you, you ripped your eyes off the pole dancers to look at Connor. Hank came over as you did. Connor pointed to the traci in display, her hands pressing onto the glass. “Can you rent this Traci for me?”

“Never mind chivalry’s dead.” You joked to Hank who glared at the android.

“Please Lieutenant trust me.” Hank sighed giving you an exhausted look.

“This shits not going to look good on my expenses.”

This action occurred numerous times, with you pitching in to pay to save Hank’s money. The man was grateful. You thought it was going to be real funny to get calls from the bank asking about your scandalous calls.

“I know where the traci went!” Connor said making his way to the back door, Hank followed as you lingered behind. You didn’t have a gun on you and you were sure one traci couldn’t cause too much trouble with either Hank or Connor, mostly Connor.

“Good luck Connor!” You shouted, Hank shook his head but Connor stopped short. He glanced back at you and gave you an awkward smile, one that you’d pull if you were forced in family photos. You cherished it evenso.

“I will be careful (Y.N),” Connor reassured. “Thank you for your words. Please get some good sleep tonight.” Then he hurried off, Hank gave you a slight glance to which you shrugged.

The fourth time you met Connor was rather funny actually. It was late at night and you were stuck in the lab once again examining another kid’s body, the same method of drowning being his demise.

The more deaths that occurred the more you could feel yourself submitting to an endless amount of guilt. Chris had tried to reassure you that this stuff happened and that you shouldn’t let it get to you.

So you resorted to your old habits, staying all day and night at the lab to try and figure out who in the office could be the killer and why.

That’s when Connor walked in, he furrowed his eyebrows before speaking to you. Taking note of how even as he spoke you paid no heed to him. “(Y.N) your stress levels are very high, didn’t we agree that getting proper slee-”

“Shut up.” You blankly stated, “Sorry that was rude, listen Connor I know what’s good for me but this is so much more important now.”

“You will be no use if you were knocked out from exhaustion.”

“Y’know how many parents came to me and begged me to tell them it wasn’t their kid whose dead?” You were angry, and Connor could see your stress levels rising even more. “I used to get excited at homicides because ‘hey it’s cool to see why people murder’ and all that. But this is so much different than that. They’re kids, people who will never grow up or have dreams.”

Connor had no reply as he watched you rest your head in your hands, slowly he came towards you. And gave you a side hug, “You need comfort and I believe hugs help very much.”

You sighed, resting your head on his chest as Connor talked.

“You are feeling guilt, the same thing you told me about back with Lieutenant. Maybe it’s best if you take your mind of it, go out with friends and enjoy yourself.” Connor rubbed your back as you pondered the suggestion.

“Wanna go out to dinner with me?”

“I can not eat, but i’d be happy too come with you.” Connor’s reply was fast as if he expected it. He removed himself and set his hand on your own that held the pencil. He blinked staring at all the notes of all the officers, but squeezed your hand. “Let’s go.”

Connor wasn’t sure what he was feeling, or why he held your hand the rest of the ride home.

Numerous times after that mini ‘date’, which consisted of you trying to calm down and Connor’s own confessions, you practically saw Connor everyday.

In the mornings when you came in and just went to the lab, he was there a bag of food and a iced coffee. He’d tell you good morning and sit with you as you ate breakfast.

He would then go find Hank, but not before giving you a hand squeeze which was beginning to make you embarrassed, never being one used to affection. Let alone one from an android. He would leave little post it notes that gave you more clues for the case as well as words of taking power naps and eating properly. On numerous occasions he would bring you lunch, something he said he got from the place Hank goes too.

It was all a bit overwhelming, Chris(sometimes Hank) had been the only ones to catch on to your horrible habits, they were the ones who typically got you food and drinks. Chris having to physically rip you out of your lab(nothing funnier than witnessing a grown man being carried over shoulder of a police officer).

Overall you didn’t say you didn’t appreciate the care he gave. Case by case he seemed more human, he told you how he let go of so many deviants when he got a chance to shoot how he wasn’t sure what was happening.

You felt like you knew exactly what was happening.

At one point he asked to go out to dinner with you again, to which you agreed with a bit of a blush. As you two walked side by side, you could his fingers touch your own as if he wanted to hold you hand.

And on some occasions you let him.

The final time you met up with Connor it felt different, he was dressed in casual clothing something that looked nice on him and he seemed to be in a rush. You watched as he asked around for you to the remaining officers, Chris pointed to the area you were in and he practically sprinted to you.

You watched him get closer and closer, the coffee in hands being set down. “Hey Connor what’s up, how are you? Did you see the news?”

“Yes,” Connor nodded to the new question. “I’m feeling……free, not restricted anymore. It’s a bit much too take in.”

“About time.” You joked, Connor’s lips quirked up at the notion, seemingly more genuine. “So deviant….”

“It’s going to take some use getting accustomed to,” Connor shifted on his feet, “Which is why I came to tell you something that I’ve been meaning to tell you since that one night.”

You cocked your head curiously. “And that is?”

“I think I am in love with you.”

If you had been drinking the coffee you were sure it’d be everywhere by now. “Connor….?”

“I understand if you don’t feel the same way, after all I am an android an-”

“Connor.”

He sighed, something you thought he didn’t need to do, “Yes.”

“I think I love you too.” You confessed. “Though it’s a new feeling for me too…haha.” The android seemed deep in thought, and you tilted your head, “What’s going on Connor?

He grasped your hands in his and crouched to match your height, then leaned forward to kiss you. It was awkward, since he had no clue what to do but it didn’t matter he had time to learn. He pulled away quickly, cheeks tinted blue.

“You can blush?” You shouted, hands cupping his cheeks. His own hands rested on your knees.

He darkened even more.”Yes, now I have to go. I’ll take you out to dinner later okay.”

“It’s a date!” You shouted to his figure that ran and ran away, you noticed Chris raise his eyebrows at the words. But you paid him no heed as you touched your lips. “Hmmm, stole a kiss from me……what a man.”

#dbh imagine #dbh connor #dbh connor x reader #this was fun to write but the ending was hard ghigaj #detroit become human imagine #Chris is a great man in game too

[achublesumi]

Gay Pride Month 2018: I am Fluxsexual

So, I've decided to write about my pride, but not the boastful "Oh I'm perfect," pride. I'm talking gay shit. I don't know if that's really any better, but, honestly, it's one of the bigger facets of my being. I had always been gay and trans. Some of the earliest memories was me dressing as a boy, trying to pee standing up. They are memories I smile at and remember fondly, though I also have the scary, anxious memories as most of us LGBTQI people do. Remembering things like having my mom tell me I need to get a training bra (it literally wrecked my world because I had always seen myself as more masculine). Having to come out over and over again every time I found out something new about myself. That's always nerve-wracking.

So, I'm coming out again. Or, at least, explaining my seemingly complicated sexuality and gender. Do I need to? No, but I want people to understand me. I want to be open to those that have inquiring minds, or even harsh words. I want ignorant people to read this and scream at their god about how sinful I am. At least they now have some knowledge of our struggles as a community, even if they act like they don't. The main point is, this is for me. I don't care what others have to say or what they think. This is me. This is for those that wish to get to know me and to scare off those that thought they did. I don't need negative people who can't accept my fluctuating self. I am a creature of the universe and I will forever keep changing and growing. Get over it. #sorrynotsorry

I'm water, okay.

My gender and sexuality have changed many times. I started as a "straight", unknowingly-trans-cis female who didn't even really believe gay people existed. (Long story short, I had a very religious sperm donor who preached the words of his god and said how bad gay people where.) As I went through elementary school awkwardly I had a bad experience with a cis-male person. (I will need to write about it another time.) It left me fearing cis-male persons (and maybe even others). Though I didn't realize this fear until I was in high school. So, not knowing it was fear I chalked it up to hating men. Which I gave into. I would say things like, "All men are terrible/mean/gross/other means adjectives." I then just started saying I was a lesbian, cis-female throughout most of my high school years. I dated a female friend of mine eighth grade year, though our relationship was secret except to friends. People still somehow heard or assumed and picked fun at us. It was difficult. That was the first time I came out to my mom too. It was a very anxiety filled build up only to be told, "That's nice." I believe I eventually told her I was lesbian, but she would always tell me to, "Do whatever made me happy." I had also met my first actual gay person in seventh grade. At the time, she was a lesbian and talked about her girlfriend. I believe that got the wheels turning for me.

My freshman year of high school I was more "out". I would wear rainbows, but I was still a little nervous when others asked me about it. I had wanted to join my school's GSA, but was too nervous about it at the time. I also had a "boyfriend", but I never saw him because of the fear I was hiding. I avoided him like the plague and any guy that said they liked me. I would purposefully take a longer route to get to class to avoid any guys in that category. Eventually, though, I had to go to the library with a friend. He was there. My heart and mind started racing, I started sweating. I froze as he came towards me and wrapped his arms around me. I was like a scared rabbit or deer. If you had felt or heard my heart, you would have thought it was going to explode. He tilted my head up and kissed me, but all I did was freak out more. I buried my head in his chest and wrapped my arms in a vice like grip around him. I was internally freaking out. I literally didn't know what to do. Typing this now and remembering is giving me the same panicked feelings. Luckily, my friend must have noticed or felt how freaked out I was and grabbed me from him to drag me somewhere else. My savior. I don't know what happened to him, but I never saw him again after that.

I started going to anime conventions a lot with a friend as well and meeting people through that. I started dating a girl we had met at one of those events. She was nice, but lived in Phoenix. And had a boyfriend. She had, of course, cleared me with him first, so that was fine. I didn't mind at all. My first experience with an open relationship. That ended with her cheating, of course. We did try again after, but ended it about a month in. Distance is a killer for me. I also dated that same friend from before (my savior), though, looking back, I feel she is more asexual/aromatic. We broke up soon after dating.

I was a band geek as well, but only sophomore and junior years. Being in band is much like being in a really weird, sexually charged family. Especially with so many of us going through puberty and trying to find ourselves. A few guys in the band liked me, but I eventually became relaxed with it. They didn't do anything unless I told them it was okay. But I was still "lesbian". I had a couple weird experiences with guys through out my high school years, but I brushed them off as flings. I never had sex (and didn't until after I graduated HS). I also dated quite a few more females. Most, again, cheated on me. Sigh.

Through the Gay Straight Alliance club I was president of from sophomore to senior year, I was introduced to the Gay Lesbian Education Network (GLSEN) who would organize a little seminar for GSA's in Tucson. That was where I found the terms genderqueer and genderfluid. I feel I still embody both of those terms. I have feminine and masculine qualities, but I am also fluid through all sorts of genders. They also had meetings in Tucson to plan things like that and our GSA would go often and try and participate the best we could. I was also able to go to a retreat they put on up in NY right outside of NYC. It was a wonderful experience. It was where I had met my first trans people that were looking to transition. It was very eye opening. Hearing their stories started stirring something in my brain. This was the summer before senior year and I was 17 years old.

Though I had come to accept myself as gender queer/fluid, I had never really thought of myself as trans. I think it's because I really only thought of transsexual, as most people do. The night before we were supposed to leave, I had a break down. I sat outside on some grass and just started crying as realization set in. I had always been trans and I could actually see myself transitioning into a male. I don't think I was sad or scared from that, I was just sad because it had been repressed for so long. That, and the fear I had tried so hard to push down came bubbling up. I didn't hate men, I feared them. That ended up helping me define my sexuality as pansexual. I was able to go as Addem the next day as well as use male pronouns. It was so refreshing and felt nice. During senior year, my friends called me male and Addem sometimes. I was even marked absent one time because I was dressed and looked so masculine a substitute teacher would not accept me as who I was! I came out to my mom as well. She took me to a department store and bought me all kinds of male clothing. It was a better response than I could have asked for. Though everyone did not respect my pronouns and what not, I was still just happy. Sure, I had some kids make fun of me throughout my high school career, but kids are just dicks in general.

As an adult, I've also fluctuated. I had sex with a male at 19. We dated for almost 5 years and were even engaged. Though I had always wanted to have sex with a girl first, I was fine with the experience. I had told him I was into open relationships and he didn't seem opposed (when he actually was). I had met a few girls off of Craigslist (yes, I was one of those). We didn't really do much but hang out a few times, but it was still nice. Eventually, my fiance invited another female out for a night of drinking and sex with my first girl happened. She was ideal physically, though she really was not there to be my partner. She wanted just A as a partner, so we ended the relationship. Though she was the one that introduced me to FetLife. I was also on antidepressant/anxiety meds and put myself on Depoprovera shots. My sexual urges took a nose dive. Besides that point, A making me feel gross as a female and never respecting my gender identity. We didn't have sex often and I guess that made him feel I didn't love him? Thanks for the talk...

I got a coworker of mine into FetLife and going to meets. We played with her a few times and she expressed she was interested in being in a relationship with us. There was a couple of others we were in a temporary relationship with that ended soon after we started dating her. We'll call her AB. She had lied the whole time and just wanted A, to no surprise. What was surprising is how they cheated (there's a writing about them somewhere).

Now, my current partner(s), one of which is my spouse (@ekelarsons). Arson is an amazing human being and has helped me grow and express many of my suppressed dimensions. I'm able to say no without feeling bad. I am allowed to dress masculine and be called male pronouns. He uses my preferred pronouns which are "They/Them". It's beautiful.

Now, the point! I am water. I am forever fluctuating, flowing, bending, changing. "My sexuality is as fluid as my gender." is always something I like to say. I go from being hypersexual one week/day/minute to being completely asexual the next. I prefer female bodied partners, but have never been with a MTF person nor a FTM. Cis-males (and maybe FTM?) still scare me to no end, though I am sometimes sexually attracted to them (though older men scare me most, probably because I relate them to my sperm donor). I am usually demisexual with men, but sometimes I just want asexual relationship with one. I am usually highly sexually attracted to most female bodied people, but I get scared or nervous when being sexual with them (though I have had sex with women more than men). I also do this thing where I tell people I have a crush on them so if nothing can happen, I get over the feelings more quickly. I am an enigma. I am complex. My sexuality, gender, and attraction fluxes.

I am gender queer/fluid. I am fluxsexual. I am coming out once again with this term I was trying to make up, but also see others using on the internet. It fits since omnisexual is actually differently defined than what I was using it as.

Thanks for reading. :)

#gay pride month #gay #pride #fluxsexual #transgender #trans #truth #sorry not sorry #genderqueer #genderfluid #queer

[fernwehbookworm]

Broken Hearts- Chapter 1

"I am so proud of you. Do you want me to stay over tonight? I can be there as long as you need." Alex's voice breaks as she asks.

"No, no." I hear myself say. " Go, be with your girlfriend. I need to know you two are happy. Like I want to know about Winn and Lyra. J'honn and Megan. Clark and Louis. It's not like everybody else's world has stopped. You don't have to act like it." My chest feels like there is a hole in it. Like someone poured acid into my heart and it's slowly consuming more and more of me.

"What do you need right now?" Alex asks.

"Just... never let her go. Okay?" She nods and then wind feels my ears drowning out anything left unsaid between us. I can't even look back at my sister, my best friend, because even at the end of this tragedy her light is too bright for me to bear. So I fly far and fast.

I fly out over the ocean, far from the city. A scream rips from my throat, my soul trying to escape with it. The familiar tingling sensation in my eyes as my heat vision escapes into the air.

Then it's quite. I feel... empty. The world has faded into a duller version of itself in the pale moonlight. I just float there, looking at the stars, trying to still see that little white ship that had delivered me to Earth. Twice. And now it was taking away the man I loved and would never see again.

Suddenly dawn begins to break. All at once it's a new day and I am surprised the earth still turns because despite what I said to Alex, my world has stopped and now I can't even see the stars. I began my flight home and dress for work. Supergirl had a long day, not Kara Danvers.

Cat Grant sits behind her desk as I walk in, and for a moment I am okay. It's familiar. She has her glasses in her mouth and scoffs at the news story about Lillian Luthor saving the day. 'Lena never gets the appreciation she deserves.' I think bitterly.

"Whats wrong with your face?" Cat asks in a way only she could.

"What? Do I have something?' I say, touching my face, I hadn't eaten so I know it couldn't be that. I just couldn't stomach anything this morning.

"That frown. Its causing little tinny wrinkles to sprout up under your eyes. Ker-ah, The city has been saved from that fashion challenged fascist. So why do you look like your world's about to end?" She stands and puts a hand on her hip.

"It's a... it's personal." I glance at the ground but I can feel her gaze digging into me, pulling out the truth. I take a steadying breath.

"While you've been away, I have been in a relationship."

"Ker-ah Danvers has a boyfriend." She exclaims. "A year in a yurt and I miss everything."

"Had a boyfriend." I correct her. trying to get it all out before I break down in tears. "For the first time ever I really liked someone. Loved someone, and it didn't work out. It umm..." I struggle to find words as I sit on the couch.

"Hurts." Cat provides.

"Like hell." I agree. "I mean everyone close to me in my life is in a happy relationship and I thought I could have that too, but I am starting to think its just not in the cards for me."

"No. Take it from someone who has been married four times,"

"Four?"

"Well it would have been five but I turned down Rob Lowe. Twice Actually." Cat takes a seat across from me."

"It just feels like this pain isn't going to go away." The tears are coming and I don't think I can stop them.

"That's what I said about childbirth. But it did and it will. No, see, the thing that makes women strong is that we have the guts to be vulnerable. We have the ability to feel the depths of our emotion. And we know we will walk through it to the other side. And by the way, you have accomplished great things this year. Your Articles. Slavers moon, Alien Registry, Alien Fight Club. I mean it's all very powerful. And your prose, your prose is not bad. I mean its not great but its not bad."

"You read them?"

"I did. I did, 2017 and they have WiFi in the Himalayan Mountains. But, you my dear, are on a Hero's Journey, like Joseph Campbell would say. And yes you have hit a bit of an obstacle but you will soar right over it. Just like I would. Of course you won't be wearing Louboutins."

I chuckle but then hear sirens coming from the TV and a news broadcast about a two-building fire.

"Actually um..." searching desperately for a reason to leave and coming up short. "There is something I forgot I have to do. I have to go." Standing to leave.

"By all means," she says smiling. I have missed these moments with her.

"Thank You," I say pouring every ounce of gratitude I have into those two words. Cat Grant eased the pain enough for me to feel my world to start to move again. Achingly slow, but moving. And so am I, out the nearest unoccupied balcony window and racing towards a blazing fire.

________________________________________________________________

When I land back in my apartment I go to grab my phone. I forgot it before heading to CatCo this morning and was sure that Alex would be worried. The two building fire turned into an arson case, then a hostage situation. It was now 1:00am and I was exhausted. Instead of changing I plopped on the couch to check my phone. Shocked, I have 15 missed calls. One is from Alex but then a text from her too.

'Never mind, I see you on the news. Be safe.'

That put a faint smile on my lips, I am glad she isn't hovering. I go back to the recent calls list confused as to who else would be calling me. One from Ms. Grant who left me a message asking me to schedule her a hair appointment because her new assistant knows nothing. The rest were all from the same caller. Lena Luthor.

I feel selfish. Here I am moping about and Lena had been kidnapped, almost forced to marry Mon El, and then had to work with her mother to save the world and she got no credit for it.

I am about to hit redial when there is knock at my door. Curious, I use my x-ray vision, it's Lena. I move to open the door but see the flash of red of my cape and use my super speed to change and stash the costume in the darkest corner of my closet. Now wearing my favorite faded Back Street Boys t-shirt and flannel pajama pants and glasses I hear another knock on the door, a little louder this time.

"Coming" I call, not needing to force the sleepiness in my voice because I feel almost dead on my feet. I pull my hair back as I walk toward the door.

When I open it I see Lena Luthor. Not the calm and composed CEO I have grown used to, but a girl in a plain t-shirt and faded blue jeans who has worry practically pouring out of her. She hesitates in the doorway. The Lena throws her arms around me. I stagger a little at the unexpected hug. Lena was never a touchy person, which was hard for me because I am definitely a hugger.

"Kara, I was so worried. You weren't answering my calls." She then backs away to look at me at arm's length, keeping her hands on my shoulders.

"Lena, umm Hi. You do know what time it is right?" I ask. not really wanting to open up.

"I know Mike had to leave. so I called to check on you and then you didn't answer, so I called later, and then you didn't answer. And after the thirteenth call, I realized that you might blame me for what happened and then I was driving my self-crazy laying in bed thinking so I had to come talk to you." Lena's voice was getting higher and faster as she talked and I realized what she was implying. That I hated her for using our only hope to save us from the Daximites. Tears formed in my eyes. I grabbed one of her hands and led her inside to the couch.

"Oh, no Lena. I just forgot my phone today and when I got home I went straight to bed." Not a complete lie. "Supergirl told me what you did. You saved us. And she was the one that pushed the button. Not you. Mo... Mike escaped. But I did get to say goodbye." My chest began to ache again. Why must I keep reliving this?

"So you don't hate me?" Lena was staring at her hands in her lap. I reach up to her chin to make her look at me.

"Never. You are one of my closest friends. You saved the world. You, Lena Luthor, are a hero." Her eyes tore away from me as the tears start to fall from them.

"I was so scared. I am not a hero. A hero would have found a way to save everyone. I am a Luthor." I put my arm around the girl.

"I hope one day that you will see yourself how I see you. But until then, I will believe in you for the both of us." I say as I lean us back into the couch and let her cry into my shoulder. Soon Lena's breathing slows and evens out. When she is asleep, I carefully carry her to my bed and lay her down before going to sleep on the couch.

Sleep is hard to come by. When I do, I dream of the fight with Mon-El's mother. The city burning around me as the screams of the dying rise. Around five I give up and climb onto the fire escape to watch the sunrise. In the near silence of a city just waking up, my tears start to fall.

I lose track of time. A hand touched my shoulder and I nearly flipped whoever it was over the edge, then I realized the raven haired women climbing out beside me was Lena. I move to quickly wipe the tears away but she catches my hand.

"No. This is why I came last night. To comfort you. Not you comfort me." She holds my hand in hers and puts the other around my shoulders.

"It just hurts so much," I sob out. The pain raking through my body. Worse than any kryptonite.

"You love him. Don't you?" She asks. A strange tone colors her voice but I am too wrapped in my own pain to process it completely.

"Yes. He was brash and angry and selfish at first. But he was good at his core. And he tried to change for me, was changing for me, and I don't think I can love another man again like I love him."

"I wish I knew that kind of love. Jack came close but it was more of a dream than something real."

We sat in silence and watched the city come to life. Lights on building flicking on and off as people began their day and headed to work. Horns started to blare in the streets below. My alarm went off on my phone in by the couch.

"7 o'clock. I have to get ready for work." I say but make no move to get up. Lena's arm around me seems to be keeping the tears and pain at bay.

"Okay," She says but doesn't move either. The alarm snoozes itself. Then goes off again ten minutes later. This time I heave a huge sigh and struggle to my feet. When I am up I reach down for Lena's hand. I help her up with a small fake grimace at the effort and we climb inside.

"Mind if I make some coffee?" She asked. I shake my head as I trudge into my room. I hear her bang a couple cupboards in the kitchen as she searches for supplies. Then soon the rich smell of coffee begins to fill my apartment.

"Hey," she calls.

"Yes?"

"How did you carry me all the way to your bed last night?" I panic for a moment.

"Umm... I've been working out with Alex, like Cross Fit stuff. It kicks my butt every time. But it's obviously working."

"Oh, okay." was her only reply.

I hear the front door open for some reason and a muffled "Oh, hi," as I finish buttoning my light blue shirt over the darker long sleeve with a red and gold emblem. When I walk out Lena is pouring the last of three mugs of coffee and Alex stands over a pink box of what I can only assume are doughnuts.

"There better be curlers in there." I say, too excited to bother with a 'Good Morning.'

"Of course," Alex says with a grin. "And Lena made coffee, what did you bring?" She asks teasingly.

"My appetite." That brought a chuckle from them both, and a faint smile to my lips. We sipped on coffee and each ate a doughnut in contented silence. Lena glanced at her watch.

"I have to go. I have to run home to change before heading to L-Corp. we have to deal with a lot of aftermath from the invasion." As she hurried out Alex gave me a weird look.

"Lena Luthor stayed the night?"

"She came over in a panic because I hadn't answered her calls because I forgot my phone. She slept in my bed. I didn't sleep." I say. I had covered the bags under my eyes with makeup but Alex gave me a sad look and squeezed my hand.

"Okay. I have to go. I'll see you later?" she asked.

"Call me if it's something major. But I can't go back to the DEO, not yet. It reminds me of..." I trailed off and Alex nodded. She left and I cleaned up the mugs before heading to CatCo.

Chapter 2

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #alex danvers #postseason2 #BrokenHearts #fanfiction

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Love is a Layered Cake (1/10)

Well, here it is! The GBBO AU that no-one asked for... Well, @rufeepeach​ expressed an interest a while ago - sorry it took so long to appear!

@noora7​ Happy Birthday and enjoy!

====

Summary: Summer has come, and with it, the Great British Bake-Off. Sheep farmer and spinner Rum Gold is one of ten contestants competing for the crown in the latest show. In addition to navigating the perils of televised baking, ridiculous challenges and his fellow bakers, he also has to contend with his undeniable crush on one of the judges, the beautiful and talented Belle French...

Rated: G

====

Week One: Cake

In which Gold meets his fellow bakers, takes an instant dislike to more than one, and interacts with the lovely Miss French for the first time.

Also, Jefferson contemplates a banana and does exciting things with pineapples.

====

“Dad! If you don’t get a move on, you’ll miss your train!”

“Raymond Gold! I know you can hear us! If you can hear a ewe in labour crying in the next field, you can hear us hollering at you from up here!”

Gold glanced up at the farmhouse on the top of the hill, where his son and his aunt were hanging out of the upstairs windows yelling at him, but he made no response. Beside him, Dove chuckled.

“She’ll be threatening to come down here and drag you in by the scruff of your neck in a minute,” the taller man said, his voice matter-of-fact.

“Rum, don’t make me come down there!” Aunt Elvira squawked.

“Told you so,” Dove said. “You’d better make a move, Mr G.”

Gold sighed. “I know, but I really don’t want to. This entire venture was a bad idea.”

“Oh, you won’t think that when you get there. Besides, whatever happens, you’ll get to meet the lovely Miss French in the flesh.”

“Even if the extent of our interaction consists of her telling me my Swiss roll is the worst she’s ever tasted and me just standing there unable to speak.”

Dove raised an eyebrow. “You could have used a better example than Swiss roll, I feel.”

Gold rolled his eyes. “Sometimes you’re as bad as Bae,” he muttered, and he shook his head. “This was a very bad idea.”

“I hate to be the one to say it, Mr G, but you’ve come slightly too far to back out now.”

“Rum, if you don’t get back in this house in the next ten seconds!”

“I’d better go in then.” Gold sighed again. “You’ll be all right whilst I’m away? I’ll be back for evening herding tomorrow.”

“We’ll manage without you for one night,” Dove reassured him. “Go on, before she starts threatening arson.”

Gold set off in the direction of the house, wondering for the umpteenth time what he’d let himself in for. It was all Bae’s fault. They’d been watching the Bake Off last year, and Bae had, in complete earnestness, told his father that he ought to apply. When Gold had shown no signs of actually doing it himself, Bae had taken matters into his own hands and before Gold knew it, letters had started arriving inviting him to come to baking auditions, which up until that winter, Gold hadn’t known were even a thing.

Against his better judgement, he had gone along with it, reasoning that he couldn’t possibly get through to the next round, that he would turn up and the producers would take one look at him and send him straight home again. Except, each time, new letters arrived inviting him to the next stage of the competition, until, well, now. Only a couple of very short hours away from baking Swiss roll in front of several cameras in a small marquee with eleven strangers, scrutinised by the infamous Diana “Granny” Lucas and the wonderful, talented, and incredibly beautiful Belle French.

“Come on Dad!” Bae exclaimed as he entered the house, grabbing his crook and sticking it in the umbrella stand by the back door before manhandling his father towards the stairs. “You can’t go on TV looking and smelling like you’ve just been herding sheep!”

“I have just been herding sheep! Bae, you’re in charge of the girls whilst I’m away.”

Bae looked back at the two border collies that had followed Gold into the house and were sitting placidly by the oven, looking up at him expectantly.

“Yes, yes, of course, I’ll take care of Chip and Imp, but I won’t have to if you don’t get a move on! Anyone would think you didn’t want to go!”

“I don’t,” Gold pointed out, halfway up the stairs. “I still can’t quite believe I let myself get dragged into this.”

“Dad.” Bae folded his arms and gave his father a knowing look. “Do you really want to pull out now and miss your chance to meet the lovely Miss French face to face?”

“Yes! At least this way I’m guaranteed not to make a fool of myself.”

“Are you sure about that?” Bae asked. “What will Belle think of you if you don’t show up? She’d be so hurt that you didn’t want to meet her, and that you were so scared of meeting her that you went AWOL at the last minute.”

Gold’s eyes narrowed. “I can already tell I’m going to regret this.”

Bae just smiled.

“Wait there,” he said before running off in the direction of the kitchen again. Gold dutifully waited, halfway up the stairs, wondering what on earth could have got into Bae this time.

“Rum!” Aunt Elvira squawked from the landing. “What are you doing, man?”

“Waiting,” Rum replied patiently, because anything that delayed the inevitable in his mind was a godsend and not to be sniffed at.

“Whatever for?” Aunt Elvira exclaimed. “You’re going to be late! Oh, for goodness’ sake, this is turning into a disaster!”

“It’s all right, Aunt Elvira.” Bae reappeared. “It’s my fault.” He raced up the stairs, holding out Gold’s cane, the gold-handled one he hardly ever used. “Well, take it,” he said, pressing it into his father’s hands. “Unless you were planning on limping around the tent. You can hardly take your crook.”

“Bae, I really don’t think…”

“It’ll bring you good luck,” Bae said, and Gold looked up sharply, but there was no cheeky grin on his son’s face. His smile was completely in earnest. He took the cane, the metal cool against his hand. “Or, at any rate, it’ll give you courage. Just don’t use it to beat the other contestants into submission.”

Gold gave a snort of laughter and made his way up the stairs to take a shower and get ready to quite possibly meet his doom. He only ever used that cane when he had to leave the safe confines of the farm and go and do something particularly unpleasant, like talking to the bank. Whilst the experience was going to be an infinitely different one, the fear was still the same, and hopefully he would be able to pull through. After all, it wasn’t every day that one got to meet Belle French. He sighed, hoping that he wouldn’t make too much of a fool of himself in front of her. It was all very well having a hopelessly unattainable schoolboy crush on a lovely woman on a TV screen hundreds of miles away, but to be in the same room with her… Gold was utterly terrified.

Just focus on the cake, he told himself crossly. That’s the only reason you’re there.

“Rum?” Aunt Elvira’s voice came through the bedroom door.

“Not now, Aunt Elvira, please. I’ve already had to talk myself out of drowning in the shower.”

“Oh Rum.” Aunt Elvira sighed. “I just wanted to say… You know you’ve got nothing to prove.”

Gold raised an eyebrow in the mirror and snorted. He had everything to prove; that was part of the reason why he was so scared about this whole arrangement in the first place.

“I know you’re getting cold feet, but think about it, not trying at all is more cowardly than trying and failing.”

Gold rolled his eyes. “Thank you, Aunt Elvira. That’s very helpful.”

“I’m doing my best!” Aunt Elvira said, affronted. “This is a big thing, Rum. You’ve already come this far and that’s a huge achievement. Just don’t throw it away now.”

Gold sighed, and, satisfied that he was ready and couldn’t possibly spin in out any longer, opened the bedroom door. Aunt Elvira threw her arms around him.

“You’ll be fantastic,” she told his shirt. “And if Granny Lucas makes any impertinent comments about your Swiss roll, trip her up with your cane.”

“To be honest, it’s not Granny I’m worried about when it comes to impertinent comments,” Gold muttered, but before anything more could be said, a taxi could be heard traversing the winding drive up to the farmhouse, and it was time for Gold to go.

X

“Thank goodness you’ve arrived, we were starting to worry, I mean, I know the trains have been ridiculous all week but this time they’ve really outdone themselves, if you’d just like to follow me please, I have a couple of waivers I need you to sign for the insurance and then we’ll be ready to go and you can meet your fellow contestants and…”

The little woman who had met Gold at the entrance when he had finally arrived at the filming location had not stopped talking from the moment he had got out of the taxi. She’d taken his box of personal ingredients and handed it over to a runner who had borne it away so quickly he might have teleported, and Gold had been left wondering if he would ever see his homemade cherry jam again, but before he had any time to protest, she had been dragging him through the stately home that served as a base of operations for filming and explaining the weekend’s proceedings at light speed.

“I’m Astrid, by the way,” she said, holding out a hand, but as they were still walking and Gold’s ankle was already protesting at their pace, he was in no position to take it. Thankfully, Astrid took this all in her stride and continued her chatter. Gold was getting tired just listening to her. “I hope I’m not talking too much. Leroy always says I talk too much when I’m nervous, and I am nervous, it’s my first day. But you’ll be nervous too, I expect, with all the cameras, at least I get to stay out of sight and…” She tailed off as they came to a door. “Well, everyone else is in here. I’ll let you get acquainted.”

She pushed open the door and waved him inside cheerfully. “I’ll be right back with the paperwork.”

As he entered, everyone else in the room turned to look at him. It was clear that he was the last person to arrive, and the weight of so many pairs of eyes on him felt incredibly heavy.

“Well, looks like they’ve rounded up the straggler at last,” someone said, a dark-haired young man wearing a leather jacket in the middle of the room. Up until the moment of Gold’s entry, he had been talking to a blonde woman who was wearing a look of extreme distaste, and Gold couldn’t tell if it was directed towards her conversation partner’s discourse or his own tardy arrival.

“Now, now, Killian, don’t be mean, darling.”

Had Gold not been so equally embarrassed and terrified, he would have smiled at the welcome intervention. There was no mistaking Ella Furrier. She was already a larger than life personality on the TV screen, but seeing her person was something else. The contrast of her two-tone hair seemed even starker now as she came towards him, wafting expensive perfume that covered up the cigarette smoke. It was entirely possible that he was more scared about meeting her than meeting Belle French, but that was because Ella always looked like she was about to devour her conversation partner whole rather than out of any kind of attraction on Gold’s part. She had reached him in the doorway and put her arm around his shoulders, guiding him into the fray.

“Now, darling, you must be Mr Gold. Raymond. Or do you prefer Ray?”

Gold shook his head. No-one called him Ray, and only Aunt Elvira called him Rum. “Just Gold. Everyone calls me just Gold.”

“Very well then. I do like a bit of mystery.” She was still walking him around the room. “Let’s get you introduced. I’m sure you know Ursula, of course.”

Whilst Ella’s co-host (and, it was rumoured, girlfriend) was marginally less outrageous than her partner, Ursula Tempest was still a force to be reckoned with, and between the two of them, Gold was certain that they would either make his life a complete nightmare or become his strongest allies. Right now he was more inclined towards the former.

“Pleased to meet you, Gold,” Ursula said. “Oh Ella, I don’t know what you’ve done to frighten him. He looks a little like a deer in the headlights. It’s all right, no-one here is going to eat you.”

Gold wasn’t entirely sure about that. The man in the leather jacket, Killian, was still looking at him with a sneer. His blonde companion gave Gold a brief smile. He nodded, unsure what else to do. It would all be all right once they actually got started, he told himself.

On the other side of the room, Astrid had come back in and her radio burst into life; she listened to the crackled message before rushing over to Gold and the two presenters.

"Ursula, Ella, make-up want to see you. They were saying something about your eyebrows, Ella," she added with a somewhat mystified air before pressing the insurance waivers into Gold’s hands. Ella gave Gold an apologetic look and left him in the middle of the room of strangers. Out of the corner of his eye he could see a production runner moving around the room fitting everyone with mic packs, and he took a deep breath. He could do this. This horrible state of limbo surrounded by his competitors hopefully wouldn't last too long and then they could get down to the real reason that they were all here. Baking.

Seeing him looking rather lost, the blonde woman who had been talking to Killian purposefully extracted herself from the conversation and came over.

"Hi, I'm Emma," she said as they shook hands.

"Raymond, but everyone just calls me Gold."

"Ignore Killian," Emma muttered under her breath, nodding over at her previous conversation partner, who was now attempting to flirt with the runner fixing his mic. "I've only known him five minutes and I already want to upturn a bowl of not-quite-set meringue all over him. Pleased to meet you."

"Likewise."

"Hello there, welcome to the madhouse." Gold turned and had to do a double take on seeing the man who had spoken. He was wearing a waistcoat and pocket watch with a cravat, and Gold felt incredibly underdressed in his jeans. For a moment he wondered if the man was somehow involved with Ella and Ursula and was a new presenter; he seemed to share Ella's outrageous eccentricity. "Jefferson's the name, carrot cake is the game."

Gold shook his hand, still wondering what on earth he'd managed to let himself in for.

His late arrival meant that he didn't get the chance to meet everyone else in the room before other logistical things started happening. Aside from Emma and Jefferson, there was also Leroy, who looked like he wanted to be there about as much as Gold did; Aurora, a student who'd had to get up at half-past three in the morning to get to the location on time and couldn't stop yawning, and a worryingly enthusiastic redhead named Zelena who instinctively made Gold want to run three miles in the opposite direction. It was far too early to be scouting out potential competition, but Killian-And-His-Leather-Jacket kept looking over at him through narrowed eyes.

Once all the contestants were miced and had their photos taken, there was a quick health and safety briefing whilst Astrid rushed around taking lunch orders, and then they were off, down towards the Baking Tent of Destiny wherein dreams could be made or broken with a single mispiped buttercream rosette. It took them a couple of attempts as the runners kept rearranging the order in which they would enter the tent so as to stop them running about madly trying to find their assigned workbenches. Gold found himself towards the back, nicely out of the way, behind a young woman with very pale, almost white, blonde hair whom he'd not had the chance to speak to in the room before they started. Emma was behind him and she gave him an encouraging wave as they put their aprons on. Gold tried to smile in return, but he feared that it might have come out more like a grimace. He had been nervous many times in his life and would freely admit to being a naturally nervous person, but he didn't think that he'd ever been so anxious about the outcome of a cake before.

"Good morning bakers!" Ella's voice pulled everyone's attention back to the front of the tent. Gold didn't know what make-up had done to her eyebrows, but he couldn't detect any change in their starkly painted thickness to when he'd seen her before. His gaze wandered from Ella and Ursula over to the judges. This was the first time that the contestants had seen them in the flesh, and Gold suppressed a small sigh. Belle French, the nation's favourite baker, was even more lovely in real life than she was on the TV. Dressed in a bright yellow dress that could rival the sun outside for radiance, and the most ridiculously high heels he'd ever seen, she was casting a practised eye over them, already sizing up who she thought could go the distance. Over the course of the programme's run, Belle had picked up the reputation as 'good cop' to Granny's 'bad cop', but her comments could be devastating if something wasn't up to her standards. Gold shifted sideways a little in the hope of concealing himself behind the woman in front of him.

"Welcome to cake week, and your very first signature challenge!" Ella continued.

"Today, Belle and Granny would like you to make a Swiss roll. You're free to use whatever ingredients you like, but it must be a roll and you'll get extra points if it speaks French," Ursula added.

"You have two and a half hours on the clock. On your marks!"

"Get set!"

"Bake!"

Gold tore his eyes away from Belle and focussed on the workbench. There were three chances to prove himself this weekend and he didn't want to throw away the first one because he was too busy making moon-eyes over one of the judges. All around him, people were moving around, measuring out ingredients and switching ovens on, and Gold tried his hardest to tune them out and concentrate on his own work. Swiss roll. He could make Swiss roll. He'd been making Swiss roll for years; it was Bae's favourite sweet treat and they'd both laughed when he'd received the instructions telling him what they would have to bake each week. He could do this. Just as long as he didn't do something completely stupid.

Behind him he heard Emma swear violently as she dropped a heavy mixing bowl on her foot.

"Don't worry, we'll edit that out," Ursula called from the front of the tent.

Gold gave a snort of laughter and concentrated on measuring out his ingredients. Sponge in the oven first so it had enough time to cool and didn’t melt the decorations, then temper the chocolate to make it look pretty, whip up the cream...

"Good morning Raymond."

Gold looked up from the melting chocolate and gave a squawk of alarm on finding Ella, Belle and Granny standing in front of him expectantly with a cameraman.

Belle gave him a sympathetic smile. "Shall we go away and do that again so you're more prepared?"

Gold nodded, grateful for the reprieve and mentally kicking himself before remembering to check the temperature of the chocolate and hastily taking it off the heat. This time he looked up in time and was not taken by surprise.

"Good morning Raymond," Ella said brightly.

"Good morning."

Gold glanced over at the camera before Ella waved surreptitiously to get him to focus on her.

"So, tell us all about your Swiss roll," Granny said. There was something rather challenging in her gaze and Gold felt himself practically wilting.

"It's a black forest Swiss roll," he said, deciding that it was easier to address Ella than either of the judges who were making him tongue-tied for entirely different reasons. "Chocolate sponge with cherry jam and whipped cream, and chocolate decorations."

"I love cherry jam," Belle said wistfully, and Gold allowed himself a small smile of victory. At least he'd started out in her good books. If she'd come along saying that she couldn't stand cherries then he'd be in for a bumpy ride.

"It sounds very interesting," Granny said, evidently reserving judgement. "Just make sure that the cream doesn't ooze too much."

Gold could only nod dumbly, feeling like he was back at school and had just been reprimanded by the headmaster, and the two judges moved on to their next victim, the cameraman following them. Ella lingered for a while.

"You know, if you're nervous, just imagine the judges naked," she said, her voice completely matter-of-fact. Gold felt his face flame as he watched Belle's shapely legs make their way across the tent to Jefferson's workbench. That would have the opposite effect to the one intended and would not help in the slightest.

Ella just raised an eyebrow and patted his hand, leaving him with a conspiratorial grin.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Gold groaned, resting his head against the bench. He knew that time was ticking away and he really couldn't stay like that, but the idea of having to actually face the world again was not a welcome one.

"Are you all right?"

"I've completely made a fool of myself on national television but yes, I'm fine." Reluctantly he raised his head a little to see who was addressing him. The white-blonde girl from in front was crouching down at the end of his bench, her eyes peeping over the top of the wood.

"Elsa," she said, holding out a hand covered in icing sugar which she quickly wiped on her apron.

"Gold."

"It'll be fine. That's why it doesn't go out live. And you can't be worse than me. I mean... look."

It was then that he noticed that her entire frame appeared to be coated in icing sugar.

"Yeah, at least you haven't filled the swear jar," came Emma's disembodied voice from where she was sitting on the floor gazing into her oven. "I keep telling myself that this is a family show and my ten year-old's going to watch it but I can't help it. This equipment's so bloody heavy! There I go again."

Somewhere in the tent a timer was beeping, and Gold knew that he had to get a move on. Elsa rose as well and went back to her own station, which looked like the centre of a blizzard. Maybe that was the intended look; a winter wonderland themed Swiss roll perhaps?

Across the tent there was a torrent of expletives from one of the other bakers that far surpassed Emma's. Peering through the bustle of people and cameramen, Gold saw that someone had dropped their sponge whilst getting it out of the oven.

Well, he couldn't say that it was a boring experience. If he got to the end of the day without having a heart attack it would be a miracle, but there wasn't any time for pondering the state of his nerves when there was a black forest gateau Swiss roll to assemble. He was vaguely aware of the cameras moving around, and Ella and Ursula passing on the occasional word of encouragement, but ultimately he pushed it all to the back of his mind. He was at home in his own kitchen, there was nothing to worry about...

"Bakers!" Ella yelled at the front of the tent. "Fifteen minutes remaining!"

Ok, perhaps having nothing to worry about wasn't entirely true. Gold's hands were shaking as he piped whipped cream swirls onto the top of the roll, topping each one with a chocolate dipped cherry and dusting the whole thing with chocolate shavings, shoving it down onto the end of his bench with five minutes to spare. He breathed a sigh of relief. Just the moment of truth to come.

Waiting for the judges to come around was the very definition of a nightmare. It took a lot longer than it did on the TV as there was a lot of running around cleaning up the tent and making it look presentable, and taking lots of elegant shots of the bakes before the judges cut into them and disturbed the finished beauty. Even once the judging finally started, there was no way of knowing who was going to be next as they zig-zagged all over the tent. At least for this first challenge the judging was somewhat private. Sure, the rest of the tent occupants were deathly silent and all eyes were on the current victim, but being judged at bench was slightly less nerve-wracking than having to transport one's work up to the front like they would have to do tomorrow.

Emma's chocolate orange Swiss roll was universally praised; Elsa's white chocolate and marshmallow confection was criticised as being very messy and sticky, but apparently it tasted amazing. Gold tried not to think about Belle's very pink lips as she took a forkful of his own creation.

"I love cherry jam," she repeated, a smile in her eyes. "The flavour here is really good, you've captured the essence of a black forest gateau really well."

"Yes, the flavour is good," Granny agreed. "The sponge is a bit dry, probably left in the oven for a minute or so too long, but it looks very neat. I was worried you'd have cream oozing everywhere. All in all that's a very decent Swiss roll."

Gold was too relieved to pay any attention to the rest of the judging. Elsa gave him a sugar-dusted thumbs up.

So far, so good.

X

After giving soundbites to camera about how they thought it was going so far, the contestants were left to their own devices during the lunch break back in the reception room; Astrid hung around long enough to distribute the little lunch bags and then rushed off to do something else, stopping to exchange a few words and a kiss with Leroy.

"Do you think there's some kind of conflict of interests there?" Emma observed. "May I?" she added, indicating the empty space on the sofa beside Gold.

"Be my guest. I know what you mean, but I really don't think that Astrid is in a position to be influencing the outcome of the judging. I'm not sure what her role is but it seems to be general dogsbody."

"Yeah. I do think it's cute. Ever since we were first introduced I don't think I've seen Leroy with an expression other than wanting to kill someone, so it's nice to see him smiling now."

Gold looked around the rest of the contestants, gathered in groups around the room with their own lunches.

"These are sweet," Emma continued, unpacking her own lunchbag. "I think everything about this entire venture is designed to be as happy and sweet and fluffy as possible so that all the nervous breakdowns and screaming fits are confined to the tent and the cameras." She glanced sideways at Gold. "Wondering who everyone is?"

Gold nodded.

"Ah, the curse of amended train timetables. Well, you've met Leroy and Zelena; he's a builder, not sure what she does but then she's the kind of person who's got that sort of repellent aura about them that makes you want to get away as quickly as possible without the small talk. Jeff you know, he's a tailor. Did you see his joconde sponge for the Swiss roll? It was amazing, all patterned with hand drawn strawberries. Aurora's studying medicine, Elsa works in publicity for an ice-cream company and used to be a Disney princess in Paris; can't remember which one. Over there you've got Archie, he's a psychiatrist, and Regina, who does something important in local government. Killian does something to do with boats, I kind of zoned out whilst he was talking to me."

Gold gave a snort of laughter.

"The others are Lance and Mal but I haven't really met them properly yet," Emma concluded. "And I'm in the police. It's been a logistical nightmare trying to sort my shifts out so I've got weekends free. What about you? What do you do when you're not baking?"

"I have a sheep farm. The income comes from wool mostly, my aunt and I hand-spin it, but we make small amounts of artisan cheese as well."

Emma's eyes lit up.

"You have a spinning wheel? Like Rumpelstiltskin in the fairy tales?"

Gold nodded, amused.

"That's cool. My son Henry would love to meet you. He's obsessed with fairy tales at the moment."

"How old is he?"

"Ten, but you never really grow out of fairy tales, do you? Do you have kids?"

Before Gold could reply they were interrupted by the arrival of Jefferson contemplating a banana.

"Don't look now but I think something interesting's about to happen," he muttered out of the corner of his mouth, perching on the arm of the sofa beside Gold and continuing to study the banana whilst sneaking surreptitious glances over at Killian, who was chatting to Aurora and Elsa and getting slightly too close for comfort.

"Sheesh, does he flirt with anything that moves?" Emma asked.

"Quite probably," Jefferson replied. "Should I go over and flirt with him? You know, give him a taste of his own medicine?"

Jefferson was saved the effort by the arrival of Lance on the scene, seamlessly interceding.

“Killian,” the tall black man said calmly, “leave the ladies alone.”

Killian turned to the perceived intruder, giving Aurora and Elsa the chance to slip away, and Gold could see him squaring up, but there was something in Lance’s solid build and unimpressed expression that made him back down. Probably wise; Gold wouldn’t put money on Killian winning in a fight against the other man.

“I wouldn’t mind but I practically told him outright ‘I like girls’,” Aurora was muttering as she and Elsa passed the sofa.

Elsa laughed. “Don’t put ideas in his head, he’d probably get off on that.”

“Lord preserve us from leery men in leather jackets,” Jefferson said before glancing at his pocket watch. “It must be time for the next challenge now or there won’t be enough time to finish, get the judging done and get all the chatty bits afterwards filmed.”

“I don’t know,” Emma said. “Cake’s usually a pretty short technical. They get longer as they get more complicated. The souffle one the other year was nasty; I hope we don’t get one of those.”

“I’d be quite happy to do without the chatty bits,” Gold said, helplessly aware of how hopeful he sounded. Jefferson raised an eyebrow.

“You do realise what you signed up for when you signed up for this?”

Gold nodded. “Yes. Unfortunately I didn’t technically sign up for it. My son signed up on my behalf and once that was done, well, I couldn’t bear to let him down.”

“He sounds both terrifyingly intelligent and incredibly sneaky,” Emma observed. “Put him and my Henry together and they’d rule the world.”

Gold sighed. Although he still didn’t know quite what he’d let himself in for, he was trying his utmost not to make Bae regret his actions. It was fear of letting Bae down that was his main driving force in this competition. Well, that and a fear of letting Belle down, but no-one else needed to know that just yet. He glanced around the other contestants and he wondered if any of them had guessed his secret from the way he’d interacted with the judges. That would be… awkward.

He was spared the cringeworthy train of thought by the arrival of the production runners in the reception room. It was time for the most nerve-wracking part of the competition - the technical challenge.

X

Gold was under the distinct impression that he was going to drown in cherries. After his black forest gateau Swiss roll, their technical challenge was to make a perfect cherry cake. Gold liked cherries, but one could have too much of a good thing sometimes. The main problem in a cherry cake, one that Gold had never quite been able to master himself, was stopping all the cherries from sinking to the bottom of the baking tin. Or the top, in this case, since they were using ring moulds and the finished cakes would end up upside down. There were various different tricks to it, he knew - washing the cherries, drying the cherries, coating the cherries in flour or a combination of all of the above - but no matter what he had tried in the past, he always ended up with a thick layer of cherries on the bottom of the cake and not much in the middle. Despite having got off to a relatively good start, this might be the thing that broke him.

Conferring with the others was forbidden and he felt like it was cheating to take a look around the room to surreptitiously see what the others were doing, so he cut his losses and decided to do all three methods of ensuring even cherry floatation and pray that at least one of them worked. Making the cake itself wasn’t going to be all that difficult, but the entire point was that the easier a cake was to make, the fewer places there were to hide in it and the more likely it was that any mistakes would be picked up by the eagle-eyed judges.

This was one of Belle’s recipes, so she’d be judging even more critically than usual. She had a great eye for detail, as evidenced by all her years judging showpieces, and if his cherries were not perfect, she’d be sure to let him know. At least she wasn’t going to be wandering around the tent during this one providing visual distraction.

The technical challenge was judged blind, with Belle and Granny only finding out whose cake was whose after they’d ranked them. It was the part of the weekend everyone unanimously dreaded because they had no way of knowing beforehand what they were going to be making, and as the weeks went on the technicals became more and more obscure, with very few people ever having heard of the weird and wonderful confections they were being asked to bake. At least everyone knew what a cherry cake was and what it was supposed to look like.

Hoping for the best, Gold shoved the cake in the oven, set the timer, and set about making the icing that should ‘drip softly down the sides without being runny’, according to the recipe. Nope, that wasn’t going to be difficult at all. He chanced for a glance around the tent. They’d all swapped places for the afternoon and he was now nearer the front, sandwiched between Aurora (still yawning) in front of him and Zelena behind. She gave him a slightly too bright smile when she caught his wandering gaze and Gold quickly looked away; there was something in her eyes that gave him the creeps. Killian was at the bench directly opposite him, and the younger man was making no effort to hide the fact he was trying desperately to copy what Elsa was doing. Elsa for her part just rolled her eyes.

He glanced out of the window, over at the other little tent where Granny and Belle would be ensconced, filming their piece and getting ready for the judging, and he found his thoughts wandering away from cherry cake and towards Belle. There were worse reasons for wanting to do well in this challenge than just to please her, weren’t there?

“Eh, Gold,” Aurora said tentatively, bringing him back to the present. He looked down to find that he was on the verge of pouring his icing sugar out over the workbench instead of into the bowl and quickly corrected his mistake.

“Thanks,” he muttered, feeling his face begin to flame at having been caught daydreaming, although he knew that Aurora had no way of knowing exactly what he had been daydreaming about.

“Seriously, I’m the one who’s supposed to be zoning out all the time.” She laughed and leaned back against the workbench. “Did you wash your cherries?” she asked before bursting into a fit of the giggles. “Sorry, that sounds really dirty. I didn’t mean it like that.”

Behind him, Gold could hear Zelena giggling as well and he began to feel somewhat outnumbered.

“Heaven help me,” he muttered. “Besides, I thought we weren’t allowed to confer?”

“Yeah, but the cakes are in the oven now so there’s not a lot of harm in it. I washed mine, but then when I was chopping them up a load more syrup started coming out of the holes where the pits had been and I had to wash them again. At least they’re going to be really clean, even if they do all sink.” She glanced across at Killian and Elsa. “Can he please do really badly?”

The fact that Killian seemed to have gained the universal loathing of the rest of the tent should not have given Gold a spark of happiness, but it did. Since the man had gone out of his way to be intimidating and antagonistic he couldn’t think of a better retribution.

“All right, Gold?” Ursula asked. Gold jumped but recovered himself in time and nodded. The presenters really needed to stop sneaking up on him like that whilst he was lost in thought. Perhaps he shouldn’t spend quite so much time lost in thought, that would help.

“Well, it’s in the oven, so there’s not much more we can do now except pray,” he said.

“That’s the spirit. Besides, you’re good with cherries, you should ace this one,” Ursula said. She sounded a lot more confident about that fact than Gold felt and he just raised an eyebrow in disbelief, not quite trusting himself to say anything yet. Ursula patted his arm gently. “You need to have a little faith, Mr Gold. Just remember that no matter how bad it gets, there is always going to be someone somewhere who’s done a worse job than you.”

“Yes, but if that person isn’t in the tent then that doesn’t exactly help me.”

The cameraman had moved on to go and observe Aurora for a bit as she began to make the cake icing, but Ursula hung back.

“Between you and me,” she hissed under her breath, “you’re definitely doing better than some others who shall remain nameless.”

Gold had no idea if that was true or not, but it made him feel marginally better as he got on with his icing, listening to Aurora’s happy pattering chatter in front of him.

From the back of the tent there came a loud exclamation.

“Bugger! I forgot to leave some cherries for the decoration!”

All eyes in the tent turned to Mal, who had been the one to speak. She sighed, running a hand through her mass of curly blonde hair, and shrugged in despair. Lance and Regina went to reassure her. It was strange how they had managed to get a sense of camaraderie in such a short space of time, Gold thought. None of them had really known each other for that long, and despite the fact that they were all in direct competition, there was still that spirit of community and helping out. Aurora didn’t need to have mentioned his earlier slip and could have let him ruin his icing completely, but she’d saved him at the last minute. Zelena on the other hand… She was smirking cruelly as she continued with her bake, and Gold had to wonder whether he ought to watch his back. Literally.

He bent over to look through the oven door. It was not uncommon for people to sit in front of their ovens watching the bakes inside until the last moment, but Gold knew that if he did that then he wouldn’t be able to get up again, and he’d already received more than one funny look because of the cane hooked over the edge of the workbench. There was a wolf-whistle from behind him and he straightened sharply, looking around for the culprit. Zelena was looking worryingly innocent, and whilst in any other circumstance he’d blame Ella, she was over on the other side of the tent trying to console Mal, who’d already had one disaster that morning and with the absent cherries on top of everything else didn’t think she could handle any more. He looked back at Zelena, opened his mouth to say something along the lines of “don’t you have more important things to watch than my arse?” and decided against it, turning back to his workbench and trying to think no more about it. It was almost time for the cake to come out and then it was a question of making sure it cooled in time not to melt the icing. There were a few laments from around the tent about icing consistency - too stiff, too runny, or in Killian’s case ‘it’s setting like cement! I can’t get the spoon out!’

“I don’t think that anyone’s ever been this stressed about icing before,” he muttered to the cameraman, who laughed.

“Oh, believe me. I’ve been filming for the last three seasons. When it comes to stressing about icing, this is mild compared to some of the things I’ve seen.”

Ella and Ursula were making their way back to the front of the tent and Gold knew that time was up before they’d announced it. Once again, there was a long pause between the challenge finishing and the judging beginning, and as they took their places sitting in the middle of the tent, Gold couldn’t help thinking that they looked like they were about to face the firing squad.

At least with the firing squad it was all over quickly. This judging was going to be torture.

Belle and Granny entered and began to attack the cakes with vigour, and Gold tried to distract himself from impending doom by thinking about how pretty Belle looked when she pouted at Killian’s icing-less cake; the fact she could still look so lovely whilst also being the picture of disappointment really defied belief.

“There’s no icing,” she said. “The cake just looks a bit sad without it, don’t you think? And thanks to the fact that there’s no icing, I can see a very large concentration of cherries on the top here. It just doesn’t look pretty at all.”

At least all of the others apart from Mal’s had all the correct components in them, even if cherry distribution was a sore point. Despite his best efforts, Gold’s had indeed sunk, which Belle attributed to their not being chopped small enough. He could have kicked himself, but it was too late to change things now. He could only hope that the next time she judged his work, Belle’s disappointed pout, however lovely it looked, would not be directed at him.

When the time came to rank the cakes, Gold’s was ninth, ahead of Killian, Mal and Archie, who’d had similar cherry sinkage issues. Aurora came first with Jefferson a close second, and really, Gold knew that his own bake couldn’t compare with theirs.

It was time to give soundbites to camera again, and they all hung around in the tent whilst Astrid and the other runners rushed in and out grabbing people to talk to under the particularly picturesque trees outside. The judges stayed in the tent with them this time, since there was no more judging to be done. Some people were heading out after they had said their pieces; those who lived locally enough to go home at the end of the day rather than staying overnight in a hotel nearby. Gold stayed, trying to catch glimpses of Belle and maybe, just perhaps, exchange a few words with her that were not in the context of her critiquing his baking skills. He sighed and shook his head, staying sitting on his stool instead of seeking her out. What could he even talk to her about? They had nothing in common, apart from baking, and it seemed crass to talk shop. Inane and obvious. He would only make a fool of himself, so in the end he settled for just watching her from afar. She was gracious with all the contestants, even those that he himself did not enjoy interacting with.

“Hello there.”

Gold turned to find Zelena leaning on the bench beside him in a manner that would have looked nonchalant had it been anyone other than her leaning there.

“Hi,” he said. He didn’t think that he’d ever met someone who instinctively raised his hackles as much as Zelena did.

“So, we didn’t really get the chance to chat before the competition started,” she said. “I’m so interested to hear all about you. You’re like an enigma, so quiet and stoic. A nice little mystery to be solved.”

“I’m really not that interesting,” Gold protested, leaning away from her as much as he could and looking for some kind of escape. “I’m a sheep farmer, there’s really no profession more boring than that.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Listening to Killian going on about reef knots for half an hour at lunch makes me think that sheep farming could be extremely interesting.” She quirked an eyebrow, leaning in a little closer, and Gold almost fell off his stool, grabbing his cane for balance, and possibly to use as a weapon to fend her off with.

“Zelena!” Astrid was calling her from across the tent. “You’re up next.”

The red-head gave a sigh of protest and pulled herself away from Gold’s workbench. “Shame. Just as things were starting to spark.”

“No sparks there except in your malfunctioning machinery,” Gold muttered. Perhaps it was time to leave the tent and seek safety elsewhere. Although it felt bad to be leaving so suddenly, he desperately did not want to be cornered by Zelena again. Maybe next week he ought to source some pepperspray from somewhere.

“Leaving so soon?”

Another voice made him turn, and he saw that it was Killian who had flagged him. There was a challenge in the words, and Gold sighed. Why Killian felt so threatened by Gold’s presence he had no idea, but there was something in the hostility that the younger man was constantly showing that made Gold think of blustering alpha males of a species doing their utmost to impress the females.

None of the females in the tent, however, seemed to be having any of it, Emma and Elsa just looking at Killian with distinctly underwhelmed expressions.

“Yes,” Gold replied simply, and he turned to leave the tent before he could get drawn into a confrontation that he really, after such a nerve-wracking day, did not have the energy for. He had long since learned that he had to pick his battles, and this was one battle he did not have the strength for.

Tomorrow was another day, and he would take whatever the tent and his fellow contestants threw at him.

(Hopefully not anything literal. Having witnessed Mal in action, he strongly suspected that she’d have an amazing overarm with an overcooked bread roll and could well knock someone out with it.)

X

Gold crawled down into his hotel room bed, astounded at just how exhausting baking anxiety could be and half-tempted to stay there for the remainder of the weekend, but movement was necessitated by the persistent buzzing of his phone telling him he had a message.

How'd it go? Bae asked.

Gold had to wonder at that. How had it gone, really? He could quite happily tell himself that it had all gone terribly, but in reality it hadn't been that bad. Apart from his first slip in the morning when the judges had taken him by surprise, he didn't think he'd disgraced himself that badly. He hadn't come last in the technical, at least.

After due consideration, he replied with the thoroughly uninformative not awful and closed his eyes. The last thing he needed was to go into the second day on no sleep.

Sleep, however, had other ideas.

X

Gold was one of the first into the reception room the next morning, having woken feeling not exactly refreshed, but having had enough sleep not to make a fool of himself and knowing that he would never get to sleep again. Since filming was going to be beginning comparatively early so that everyone could start making their way home in the afternoon, the production team had provided a breakfast of fruit and pastries. Elsa and Lance were already there and Gold hung back a little, picking at a chocolate croissant whilst he tried to work up the courage to go and join them.

"Thanks for making Killian back off yesterday," Elsa was saying. "Is it bad to hope he really messes up his bake today so he'll go home and we don't have to worry about him?"

Lance chuckled. "It's not the worst reason for wanting someone to go home," he said, and he waved to Gold, inviting him over to join the conversation. "But what about you, Gold? Zelena appears to have taken something of a shine to you."

"Yes. It's unfortunate that there's something about her that just makes you immediately uncomfortable," he said. "I'm sure she's a lovely person really, I just have no desire to find out."

"I'm not so sure," Elsa muttered. "She's the type I really wouldn't put it past to sabotage someone else's bake and make it look like an accident. Everyone watch your mini-cakes like a hawk!"

"Sadly I think we might have to put up with her for slightly longer than Killian," Lance said. "She is actually a pretty decent baker. I sampled her matcha Swiss roll yesterday; it was very good even if it was a disturbing shade of green."

"Stranger things have happened," Elsa commented optimistically, but Gold did not share her enthusiasm. "Still, miniature cakes." She sighed. "I really wish we didn't start with cake, it's really not my strong point. I'm better on pies and puddings. And ice-cream."

"We're expecting perfection from your baked Alaska then." Emma had joined them, hoarding breakfast pastries into her bag.

"I have to survive that long first. Bread's not my forte either."

"Nor mine," Lance admitted. "Pastry's my best subject. What about you two?"

"Well, cake's my strength," Emma said, "so I'll have an excellent first week and just go downhill from there."

Gold smiled, thankful that the arrival of a large group of the others into the reception room prevented him from answering. He quickly moved behind Lance to try and save him from Zelena's attentions, but it was to no avail. She seemed to have some kind of homing instinct and considering they'd only known each other for about a day, he thought it quite a remarkable, if slightly unnerving feat.

“You scuttled away quickly last night,” she said. There was a smile on her face but Gold did not see it as a particularly friendly expression. “When I got back into the tent you’d vanished. Really, anyone would think that you didn’t want to spend any time getting to know me.”

“Anyone would be right,” Lance muttered under his breath, but Zelena did not appear to have heard. Or if she had heard, she wasn’t paying any attention.

“And I’m so interested in getting to know you,” she continued. Gold took a step back, out of touching distance, still trying to put Lance between himself and Zelena. He felt a bit sorry for the other man; to be called upon as a shield for young women fending off predatory men was one thing, but Gold couldn’t help thinking that he really ought to be able to fend for himself against Zelena. He didn’t really fancy his chances though; her blood-red nails were long and talon-sharp, and for a moment he felt them digging uncomfortably into his arm. He looked down to realise that they actually were digging into his arm; she’d grabbed him in a vice-like grip to prevent him escaping her clutches this time.

“You know, I think it’s so wonderful to find a nice, mature man here,” Zelena purred, and Gold raised an eyebrow.

“Nice way of saying ‘old’,” he snapped. Her grip lessened slightly and Gold tried to shake her off, but it was to no avail.

“Oh, I don’t mean that,” she said hastily. “I was just meaning that you must have so much experience.”

“Still sounds like you’re calling him old,” Emma pointed out. “Also, we were in the middle of a conversation here that you rudely interrupted.” She gestured to herself, Elsa and Lance. “We’re standing right here, you know.”

At last the talons let go of his arm; Zelena was positively fuming and although Gold was infinitely grateful that she was no longer clinging to him and doing a passable impression of a barnacle, he was slightly worried about what kind of revenge she might wreak on his new-found friends. With any luck she’d be too worried about her own bake to try sabotaging anyone else’s, but Elsa’s words from earlier echoed eerily in his mind. He hoped that the others would keep a very close eye on their work.

With Emma unyielding and it being obvious that she was not going to get Gold to herself, Zelena flounced away in a huff, going over to talk to Mal and Regina, who seemed just as disinclined to talk to her as the rest of the bakers were; but Gold couldn’t bring himself to feel sorry for her friendlessness. She ended up chatting with Killian, and Gold thought that they deserved each other. He tried to put her to the back of his mind and focus on the coming challenge, but inevitably, that brought his thoughts full circle back to Belle and her opinion of his baking, and the butterflies in his stomach increased tenfold.

It was going to be a very long day.

X

Although the judges were supposed to stay segregated from the contestants in the time before the challenges and only talk to them afterwards when the pressure was off, Belle could not help but tiptoe down the corridor and peer into the break room where the twelve possible candidates for star baker were gathered, attempting to enjoy their breakfast before filming began. Well, that was a lie. There were not really twelve candidates for Star Baker. Some of the bakers were definitely skating on thin ice. She looked at Killian, loud and aggressive and dominant, and her eyes narrowed. It was a good job that he was one of the ones that Granny agreed was on their shortlist for leaving the tent, as she might have had some unsavoury thoughts about rigging the results to get rid of him as soon as possible. He was the kind of personality that could easily become a bully in the competition, if he wasn’t already. Hopefully coming last in the technical challenge and the comments he’d received for his lacklustre signature bake had been enough to curb his ego a little going into the second day, but she was not so sure. He still appeared to think that he was God’s gift to women. Mal was on shaky ground as well; her Saturday seemed to have been plagued with disaster, but she still had the chance to pull it all back today as long as there were no more accidents or incidents. If she was the most accident-prone baker, then Elsa was definitely the messiest, but her bakes were solid and there was no danger for her. She moved around to peer at the other side of the room through the slit where the door did not quite meet the frame. Jefferson and Aurora were both strong contenders for the crown, with excellent performances in both challenges the previous day. Gold had had a good signature but let himself down in the technical. She paused; there was something about the nervous man that endeared him to her, and she smiled, hoping that he would increase in confidence and get used to the cameras during his stint in the tent. And she hoped that he’d be able to avoid Zelena. Belle’s eyes narrowed. Like Killian, she was definitely another one to watch. You could always tell the ones who seemed to delight in the misfortunes of others when things went wrong.

The trouble with Zelena was going to be that she was actually very good at what she did, and being mean to the other contestants and needling them wasn’t really something that could get her disqualified. She and Granny could only comment on their baking ability and Zelena’s was good; not the best but by no means the worst. It was a shame that she had given such a bad impression to start with, and bitterly, Belle wondered if perhaps the network would play up the volatile relationships that she was beginning to build with the rest of the competitors in the name of better ratings and more drama for the viewers. She sincerely hoped not. The entire point of the show for all its seasons had been that really, it was quintessentially British and that was what made it stand out from a lot of the other culinary shows out there. It wasn’t cut-throat, it didn’t lend itself to drama among its contestants, only drama when their individual bakes went wrong. As long as everything focussed solely around the cake, then it was all right, but Belle could see sparks flying between the people before the run was out.

She caught Ursula’s eye where she was peering through the crack, and the host rolled her eyes on seeing Belle peeping in, surreptitiously shooing her away. Ursula and Ella, for all their antics, were incredibly good at reading people, and with any luck, she could rely on them to be her proxy in the tent where she herself had to take a step back and remain impartial.

She moved away from the door as the runners came in to start setting up mics and getting everyone sorted out for the day’s filming. Only time would tell.

X

Soon enough, they were being ushered back down into the tent, donning aprons and waiting patiently for the announcement that the challenge could begin. Gold looked around him. Zelena was, thankfully, on the other side of the room, but unfortunately her eyes met his and she smiled a predatory smile, making Gold want to dive for cover behind the nearest fridge. He looked away quickly, busying himself with making sure that all his ingredients were in the proper place on his bench. His nervousness was showing and he knocked his cane over; the clatter and thud as it slipped and tumbled to the ground was deafening to Gold’s ears in the quiet tent, and he could not look up as he bent to retrieve it, trying to avoid the weight of everyone else’s eyes on him.

Ella saved him by beginning to speak, and he fixed his gaze firmly on her, not looking around at the other contestants.

“Good morning bakers. For today’s showstopper challenge, Belle and Granny would like you to make thirty-six miniature cakes. Specifically, thirty-six classic British cakes. They can be shape or flavour, decorated in any way you like, but they must all be identical.”

“Good luck to you all, please ignore Ella’s requests for gin until the sun is over the yardarm. You have three and a half hours on the clock. On your marks.”

“Get set.”

“Bake!”

With that one encouraging command, Gold’s world was once more reduced to his workbench and the ingredients on it. He had a plan - Elvira had made him write one down - but now that he was here, he was rapidly losing confidence in his ability to stick to it. He had just about managed to complete the challenge to time when he was practicing at home (Mr Dove had gone home with several miniature cakes that week, but he had accepted them all with good grace, claiming that he was passing them all on to his several cousins who were enjoying them immensely.)

It was just a question of continuing to go through the motions, and trying to ignore the noise and bustle going on around him. He could not lose his cool now, at this stage of the proceedings.

This time when Belle, Granny and Ursula arrived he was prepared for them, and he looked up, smiling with a confidence he didn't feel and hoping that the expression didn't come out looking too much like a grimace.

"Good morning," Belle said, giving him a reassuring smile. "So, tell us all about your miniature cakes."

"They're coffee and walnut," Gold said, and Granny gave a nod of approval. Thank goodness for that. "Coffee and walnut cakes with coffee buttercream icing and walnut decorations.”

"Are you using brewed coffee or coffee essence?" Belle asked.

"Both. I've got filter coffee in the cake and coffee essence in the icing.”

"Do you find that the coffee makes the cake rather wet?" Granny commented, but Gold refused to be cowed.

"Not at the strength I'm making it."

"So it's a five to one ratio of coffee grounds to water?" Ursula suggested, and Gold nodded with a chuckle. The host tried to surreptitiously take the cafetière off his workbench.

"Ursula, put that back!" Belle laughed, pulling the other woman away as they went to move on to their next victim.

"But it's early!" Ursula protested. "I need to stay awake! Can I have any leftovers?" she asked Gold.

He shook his head in good-natured despair as the camera crew moved away across the tent to speak to Lance, who was zesting lemons with an ease that suggested he'd been zesting lemons every day for his entire life. For all this was the last chance of the weekend to prove himself, Gold felt a little more relaxed this time. He was getting a bit more used to the idea of the cameras tracking his every move and he didn't feel quite as in danger of making a fool of himself, and with Ursula and Ella's antics providing the comedic relief, the attention was more focussed on them than his nervousness. Perhaps that was the whole point. Ella and Ursula had always proved themselves very adept at calming down stressed out bakers, and diverting the audience's gaze away from the more nervous ones, like himself, was all part of that process. He would have to thank them later, once he was no longer feeling quite so incredibly highly-strung. At least he felt slightly more confident coming into this challenge.

Of course, it could all go horribly wrong, Belle could hate what he baked and he could be sent on the first bus home, but that was a chance he was going to have to take.

“Jefferson, why do you have a pineapple on your workbench?”

Gold looked up on hearing Ella’s incredulous voice across the tent, and saw that Jefferson did indeed have a large pineapple sitting on one corner of his workbench.

“I thought that it would be a talking point,” Jefferson said with a wink. “Always bring a pineapple to a party, you never know what might come of it. And we can always make pina coladas later to celebrate our successes. Or commiserate our failures.”

“Oooo! Pina coladas!” Ella clapped her hands together in anticipation. “Perfect. I mean, I prefer a good G&T but I’m game for anything.”

“And don’t I know it,” Ursula chimed in from where she was talking to Emma.

Gold snorted with laughter and returned his attention to the task at hand. It was his last chance to prove himself. Nothing could go wrong. He seriously wished that he’d brought earphones with him so that he could drown out the rest of the sounds of the tent, but he supposed that a lot of the pressure in the competition came from having the constant noises and distractions around them in the tent, putting them off in the most non-malicious way. He blocked as much of it as he could from his mind, ignoring the other bakers, ignoring the pervading scent of pineapple coming from Jefferson’s bench, ignoring Killian attempting to flirt with Belle, as if sweet-talking her would make her give him a higher mark for his work.

Three and a half hours had never gone by so quickly, and the minutes of clean up and rearranging in the tent had never gone by so slowly. Looking around at his rivals, Gold’s eyes widened at the spectacular feats of baking engineering that he could see. Showstopping was definitely the right word, and for a long time, whilst the others were being judged, all Gold could think about was the growing sense of panic, that he really wasn’t good enough to be here and next to all the others, he was a complete fraud and they were going to pack him on the next bus home...

“Raymond,” Belle called from the front. “Would you like to bring your cakes up please?”

“D’you need a hand?” Emma asked under her breath, but Gold shook his head. Transporting several delicate cakes was easier said than done when one only had one free hand, but he’d thought of that, taking the handle of his cake stand and carefully lifting it off the bench. It seemed that the entire tent was watching him with bated breath, waiting for his ankle to give out and his offerings to be sent sprawling across the floor whilst he landed in a heap on his ass, but none of them seemed to realise that Gold had been living with his injury for almost fifteen years and adaptation was key to survival. If he didn’t want to drop something, then he didn’t drop it, and he certainly didn’t want to be accepting aid with cake logistics on the first week of the show. Gold wasn’t proud of a lot in his life, but he did retain an ounce of dignity, and he would not lose it yet.

The cakes were safely delivered to the judges’ table and Belle and Granny took a moment to admire the presentation before each taking one of the cakes and cutting into it. Gold was very glad that he’d coated the outside of the cakes in chopped walnuts, it hid a multitude of sins.

Belle was smiling as she popped a piece of cake into her mouth, the swirl of coffee buttercream on the top smearing at the corner of her mouth. She giggled, a soft, beguiling sound, and swiped the confection away with her thumb, sucking it off. Her eyes met Gold’s as she did so, and she gave a little smile.

Gold blinked; was she flirting with him?

In a split second, the private little smile was gone, and she was back to the business of marking up his cakes, leaving Gold to flounder helplessly as he tried to work out her intentions. It couldn’t be anything, could it? Could it? He was reading far too much into this, it was only cake for crying out loud.

“This is wonderful,” Belle said, bringing him back to the present. “You’ve really managed to capture the coffee essence properly, normally it gets cooked out. It’s a very difficult balance to achieve and you’ve mastered it well. This definitely makes up for yesterday’s mishaps in the technical.”

Elsa gave him a double thumbs up as he passed her workbench on his way back to his own before she was called up to present her own miniature lemon and raspberry batternbergs. She’d tried to hide the ones with the messiest marzipan coating on the bottom of the stand but Granny’s eagle eyes still found them, and she heaved a sigh.

“You’re very consistent with flavour, Elsa, but your presentation is… eclectic,” Belle said.

“You can say messy, it’s all right,” the younger woman said with a shrug. “But I reckon that as long as they taste good, then that’s the main thing really isn’t it? You know. Baking’s all about taste.”

Gold had to agree with her there and the judges conceded the point, but stressed that the bakes really ought to look appetising as well as being tasty. Elsa gave Gold a shrug as she returned to her station, and he tried to give her a reassuring smile in return. He really didn’t think that she would be sent home on the grounds of her presentation; not when there were definitely worse bakers in the tent than she was. Killian was taking his Victoria sponge cakes up to the judges’ table and despite them being neatly presented, Belle announced that they didn’t taste of anything at all. For the first time during the weekend, Killian actually looked perturbed by the judges’ response to his offering, as if it was just dawning on him that this was his last chance to prove himself and that he had definitely failed to make the grade. Gold knew that it was uncharitable to wish failure on his fellows, but this was a competition after all, and as friendly as the show was, a little bit of rivalry was natural. Especially towards someone with as domineering a personality as Killian’s.

The last person to be judged was Jefferson, whose miniature carrot cakes had been baked in the shape of actual carrots.

“You know, Jefferson, I was sceptical when I saw the pineapple but I believe I may have been converted,” Granny said. “It makes the cake so wonderfully moist and adds a lightness to the flavour.”

Belle agreed. “I was worried that the taste would be too strong and it would drown out the other flavours in the cake, that it would lose something in the process and become a pineapple cake rather than a carrot cake, but I can still taste the quintessential carrotness in there too. Well done.”

Jefferson looked justly proud as he made his way back to his workbench. It was clear from the expressions of the other bakers that they were mirroring his thoughts - if Jefferson did not win the crown for Star Baker this week, then the judges might not have their heads screwed on properly.

There was a ridiculously long wait before the results were announced, as the cakes were cleared away out of sight of the cameras and the tent was rearranged ready, but then the runners were shepherding them away from each others' cakes and back to sit down on the high stools in the centre of the tent. Gold nabbed the one of the end so that he could hook his cane over the workbench beside him and wouldn't need to worry about being sandwiched between Zelena and Killian. The runners seemed to have some kind of sixth sense and ushered Zelena over to the other end, for which Gold was extremely grateful, and he found himself next to Elsa, swinging her legs and lamenting her flour-covered shoes with a sigh.

"I think I've definitely got the reputation as this year's messiest baker," she said, looking down at her raspberry-stained apron. "I swear I'm not normally this untidy at home. Then again I live with my sister and she'd feel at home in pigsty so maybe I just don't notice until I'm here where everyone else is incredibly clean. She glanced over at Gold. "Seriously, how come you're not covered with coffee?"

Gold just laughed and then the runners were ushering them to be quiet as Belle, Granny, Ella and Ursula came back into the tent.

"Darlings," Ella began dramatically, "the time has come. Today we crown our very first star baker of the season, in the hope that they will continue to amaze us with inventive uses for pineapple. This week's star baker is Jefferson!"

Everyone applauded and Jefferson gave a little bow from his perch. When there was quiet again, Ursula spoke.

"Unfortunately, since Ella decided to get in quick, the less pleasant task falls to me. As you know we can't take everyone with us into next week and so we must say goodbye to one of you."

Gold looked up at the tent ceiling, wondering if it would look too obvious if he crossed his fingers.

"The baker who will not be joining us next week is Killian."

Gold let out a sigh of relief, and next to him, Elsa hissed "thank god for that" before she had to be polite for the cameras. Gold couldn't say that he was particularly sad to see the other man leave, but he knew he had to act neutral. The camera crew began pulling them out one by one for reaction soundbites, starting with Jefferson, who was positively skipping out of the tent in his happiness. Gold eased himself down off his stool and went over to where all his stuff was stored, checking everything was tidied away and ready to go. It was a nice little hiding place; he really didn't want to be drawn into conversation with anyone; he was already exhausted. All the same, now that the judging was over, the two judges were hanging around in the tent, socialising with the bakers. This would be his first and last chance this weekend to talk to Belle without the cameras on them. Cautiously he peered over the top of his workbench, searching her out in the sea of people. She was chatting animatedly to Emma in one corner, and Gold was loath to interrupt what looked to be a very interesting conversation. Perhaps he could sidle in? Then again, what was the likelihood of him actually getting face to face with Belle in a social situation where he didn't have to be calm and look normal for the camera and completely messing it up? Perhaps it would be best to stay hidden away down here. After all, he was coming back next week. There would still be plenty of opportunities to talk to her then.

"So this is where you've been hiding." Astrid had come around and discovered him, and Gold cursed mentally as she dragged him outside under the same picturesque looking tree he'd talked to camera under the previous day. "We've been looking for you all over. I know you don't like talking to camera but there's really no need to hide, that won't get you out of it. How do you feel about that result?" she asked.

"I don't think my honest response is broadcastable," he muttered, before turning to the camera and wracking his brains for something that wouldn't sound too schlocky. "I'm just glad to be coming back next week."

Astrid nodded. "That's good. You can go back now. We're going to have to edit Emma's a bit; she didn't realise we were rolling. It was very entertaining though. Maybe we could have an outtakes programme after the series finishes." They made their way back to the tent, and Astrid broke off to go and fetch her next victim. Gold returned to his hiding place, this time trying to avoid Zelena.  She was chatting to Regina in one corner and thankfully distracted, but then again, Regina looked like she was desperately trying to get away from the conversation so maybe he wasn't as safe as he hoped.

"All over? You can relax now, you've got a week before you have to smile for the camera again."

Gold turned to find Jefferson beside him, and slightly discomfitted by his sudden appearance seemingly out of nowhere, Gold's first instinct was to offer him one of his cakes.

"Don't mind if I do. I can't say I'm exactly surprised by that result," Jefferson said before taking an entire coffee and walnut cake in his mouth in one go, nodding to where Killian was talking to Belle and Granny. Whatever was being said, Belle didn’t appear to be too impressed by it, her mouth set in a thin line and her arms folded, leaning away. Jefferson's cake-muffled voice brought him back to his immediate environs. "This is really good, Gold. Most of the time when I use coffee I just can't get it to taste."

"Thanks. Take a few if you want, I've got to pack up and get going."

"Leaving so soon?" Jefferson raised an eyebrow. "Anyone would think that you wanted to leave the wonderful Miss French's delectable presence."

Gold was glad that he didn't have a mouthful of cake at that point, because he would surely have choked on it. He coughed, and Jefferson just smirked.

"Well, as lovely as she is, I leave the playing field open to you." He tapped the wedding band on his left hand. "Don't think we didn't see you blushing earlier. Don't think that the cameras didn't see you either."

Gold scrubbed a hand over his face. "Oh my God..."

Jefferson laughed. "Honestly though, there's still a while before they start kicking us out. Stay for a bit longer, we've hardly got to know you."

Gold shook his head. "I have to get back to my flock."

"How many?" Jefferson asked.

"One hundred and seventy-three."

"What? Children?"

"No, sheep. When I said flock I did actually mean it in the literal sense."

"Oh dear..." At least now Jefferson was looking as embarrassed as Gold had earlier. It was just a shame that the cameras weren't running anymore. "I think I'll just stop talking from now on."

Gold smiled. "It's fine, honestly." He paused. "It was nice to meet you."

"You too. Best of luck for next week."

"Likewise."

As he began to collect his things, Gold smiled to himself. The weekend hadn't been a total washout. He'd held his own, and he'd come through, and perhaps he'd even made a couple of friends in Jefferson, Elsa and Emma. Considering how terrified he had been when he'd walked into that room full of strangers the previous morning, he thought that was possibly more miraculous than the fact he hadn't made a complete fool of himself and been sent straight home.

X

Chip and Imp bounded up to Gold as he got out of the taxi, and he bent to scratch them behind their ears.

"Hello girls," he crooned softly. "Did you miss me?"

"Nah." He looked up to see Bae in the front doorway, grinning, and raised an eyebrow.

"Are you one of the girls?"

"Point taken. So..."

"So what?"

Bae rolled his eyes, waving his hands around in exasperation. "So how did it go?"

Gold straightened and finally made his way into the house, the dogs trotting along happily at his heels.

"Well, I'm going back next week," he said. "So I suppose you can count that as a victory."

"Excellent. And?"

"And what?"

"Oh come on, Dad, there's got to be more to it than that! What are the other contestants like? Did anyone throw their work in the bin? Who got kicked out? Is Ella Furrier as outrageous in real life as she is on screen? What's Belle like? Did you actually speak to her like a normal human being or did you just stand there like an idiot? I bet you just stood there like an idiot, I know you."

"I need to get the sheep in," Gold muttered.

"Dad!" Bae exclaimed.

But Gold kept his mouth shut as he moved through the house to get changed and see to the sheep. The little smile that had passed between him and Belle as she sampled his coffee frosting would remain their little secret for as long as he could help it.

====

Next time, the bakers tackle biscuits, Archie considers changing career paths, and Belle and Gold have an actual conversation!

 Technical Challenge cherry cake based off this Mary Berry recipe. 

Gold's mini coffee and walnut cakes are a variation of this Mary Berry recipe. 

#rumbelle fic #rumbelle #Belle French #Mr Gold #Spinner!Rum #GBBO #GBBO AU #Fic: Love is a Layered Cake #with recipes included!

[kieran-holt]

chatzy | counselor meeting

Date: 01/07/17 Characters: Cabin counselors About: Chiron and the counselors discuss the aftermath of the Forge fire. Warning: vomit

Brent gets here early, hair still damp from the shower, and save the two seats on either side of him for Macey and Jacob.

Laurel gets there early too and offers a polite smile to Brent and then takes a seat across from him.

Brent returns the smile. "How are you holding up?"

Fizz was texting when she walked in the door. She looked at the free seat next to Laurel. "Care if I sit here?" she asked.

Laurel "Um, I'm fine," Laurel responds to Brent and then looks over at Fizz with the same tight smile. "Yeah, by all means," She says and even pulls out the chair for Fizz a little.

Jesse didn't want to wake Chase to ask him to take his place, so he walks in early as well, heading straight to an open seat without looking at anyone.

Fizz smiled and took a seat next to her. She looked at Brent and flashed a smile at him also.

Rae strolls in with her required cup of coffee needed to survive every counselor meeting and takes a seat.

Lulu skips in with a bright smile on her face. She took a seat, sitting criss-cross on it, waiting for the meeting to start.

Mikey stumbles in after Rae, his head down and takes a seat too.

Fizz tried to get Mikey's attention. "Hey, how's your brother?" she asked him quietly.

Mikey hears Fizz and looks up. It's obvious he's been through a lot as he looks tired and slightly shaken. "He's doing... better than how we found him," He responds. "He keeps thinking he's better than what his condition really is."

Macey looks up from her phone when she walks in and slides into her seat next to Brent. "Jacob's not here yet?"

Brent "No," he sighs. "Should I text him?"

Macey leans back, and low key checks to see if any of the chairs in the room are breakable. "Probably."

Fizz "Alec is baking something for him, I'm glad he's doing better," she told Mikey.

,L goes to the meeting straight from the Aphrodite cabin and takes a seat.

Brent quickly texts Jacob: 'you coming?'

Jesse was timed out

Jacob R. quickly texted back: 'do i have to?'

Macey responds because it's a group message, "lmao yeah sorry"

Mikey nods slowly. "Tell him thank you from us," He says, pausing. "I'm glad he's better too... And thank ​you​ for being there and helping us."

Ariana enters after a lot of people and then looks around and sighs and then takes a seat.

Fizz "You and Blue did most of it, I wish we were there sooner, maybe the luck would've worked," she replied.

Brent 'I have a seat saved for you.... :)'

Laurel listens to Fizz and Mikey's conversation intently tbh

Jacob R. '!!!'

Jacob R. entered after reading Brent's text and took his seat. "Thank you for colonizing this spot for me."

Mikey "I think it did help. He could have been worse. It all could have been worse."

Brent "Anytime."

Bentley wants to be literally anywhere else but here but shows up anyway.

Macey chuckles.

Ariana probably has a seat saved for Ben tbh.

Bentley takes the seat next to Ariana and stares at his hands.

Rory walks in, barely paying attention to anything. She looks around quickly, sees Mikey and beelines for the empty chair next to him. Sliding into it, she looks over at him, giving him a quiet "Hey." in greeting.

Fizz "Well, then I'm glad Alec and I could help," she replied, a bit surprised that their luck actually worked unlike what she thought.

Jack shows up and slinks quietly to his seat.

Mikey is surprised to see Rory. "Hey, he made you come?" He asks, talking about Keaton.

Chiron enters the room and glances around the group. "Is everyone here?"

Rory nods her head. "Yeah, eventually, we went back and forth for a while. I didn't want to leave him alone." She looks over Mikey, making sure he at least looked okay. "Are you okay?"

Kieran walks in, hands in his pockets, and strides toward his seat without a word or glance to anyone else.

Mikey nods as he listens to Rory. "Figures. He's so stubborn always, but I didn't know it got worse when he's hurt," He explains and then nods again. "I'm as okay as I can be right now." He shrugs sadly.

,Jesse looks up as Kieran walks in, and looks confused.

Rae glances around, "Looks like it." She answers for Chiron.

Rory smiles for a second before it drops again. "Neither did I honestly. But, he definitely does." Now she nods. "I'm glad you didn't get hurt either." Hearing Rae speak up, she looked away from Mikey, not realizing Chiron had walked in.

Laurel looks at Chiron when he talks on time omg

Chiron clears his throat. "As I'm sure you all know by now, there was an incident at the forges late last night. First of all I want to tell all of you that it was not an outside attack or from a self-proclaimed enemy. We're under no threat of attack."

Rae raises an eyebrow at Chiron's words.

Lulu gasped a little being oblivious as usually. "Do you mean someone inside did that?"

Rory tenses slightly at Lulu's question, really wanting to answer to be no.

Chiron sighs. "Unfortunately, yes. That means it was done by a camper."

Kieran isn't quite paying attention. He leans back in his seat and looks in Chiron's direction somewhat mindlessly.

Laurel "Was it intentional?" She asked Chiron, figuring that she should speak up if she was there.

Fizz 's eyes widened. "You mean someone in this camp set the forges on fire?" she asked, that's what he did say but Fizz was shocked to say the least. "If I find whoever it is, I swear," she mumbled, feeling bad for Keaton and also knowing that it could've probably easily have been her sibling in the forges.

Macey can only think about that time the armory blew up and because of this parallel looks even more upset.

Chiron sighs. "That, I don't know. I can only hope not."

,Jesse frowns and looks down.

Rory doesn't know if she should be pissed, screaming, or on the verge of tears. "Do we have any idea who it is." She says this as more of a demand than a question, not really looking at anyone as her voice shakes.

Jack folds his arms and sinks in his seat.

Brent leans back, rubbing his face.

Jacob R. clicks his tongue at the news.

Mikey is sad and stuff.

Chiron "That's why I found it important to have this meeting. I believe all of you can talk to the rest of your cabinmates. I have no idea whatsoever who would do this, and I don't want you to accuse anyone. But I would like all of you to reassure your siblings of their safety and see if they know any information that might be useful."

Macey frowns deeper, because that's much easier said than done.

Lulu doubts that Casey did it.

Fizz "How would you know it's not someone in this room," she said not directly to anyone.

Bentley leans a little closer Ariana. "How am I gonna get all of my siblings together?" he jokes under his breath.

Jack pushes his sunglasses up onto the bridge of his nose.

Kieran sighs and crosses his arms.

Brent "So, you want us to gently interrogate our siblings?"

Theo walks in, trying to go unnoticed as the group spoke amongst each other, listening intently to catch the gist of what the meeting was about.

Macey sighs and slides down her chair a bit. She won't be interrogating her siblings.

Rae "Sounds lovely." She takes a sip of her coffee.

,Jesse can't imagine any of his siblings having the energy to commit arson.

,Jesse apparently doesn't know his siblings

Jacob R. "So," he starts attempting the whole diplomacy thing. "If we catch the person that did this... What is the solution?" He wanted to suggest murder, but not everyone was into giving violence a chance.

Fizz "I don't know, maybe set them on fire," she mumbled to herself.

Ariana makes a noise at Bentley's joke on time omf

Macey looks over at Jacob, feeling #momproud.

Bentley wants to suggest something somewhat violent but really thinks it's a bad time to remind everyone he's in the room.

Brent is also #dadproud.

Rory feels her fingers start to tingle a little bit and clenches her fists, not really feeling like zapping any with lighting just because she was pissed.

Theo leaned against the wall, thinking that a simple truth spell would solve this rather than interrogating everyone, but kept his thoughts to himself, letting his mind wander back to why he didn't just stay with Letty in her cabin.

Chiron is lowkey proud of Jacob too tbh. "We can discuss that now, but I don't think a punishment is necessary unless this is something that was planned with malicious intent. I would like to give people the benefit of doubt first."

Bentley "Yeah because look how great that's turned out before..." he mumbles under his breath.

Fizz "But someone was hurt, shouldn't they get something for not being fucking careful?" she asked.

Rae "Um," She raises her eyebrows again, "No one's getting punished for damaging camp property? Or, like, arson? Isn't Keaton like, seriously hurt?"

Rory looks over at Fizz and Rae when they speak, she spoke before really realizing. "Oh yeah, Keaton's hurt." Her voice is a mix of tired and annoyed. "He was inside when it blew, and a beam crushed his leg."

Chiron "I do think the severity of a punishment is depending on the persons intention. So, what do you propose we do if this was an accident?" he asks, giving the general group the floor.

Rory looks at Chiron. "Why does that matter?? Whether or not it was on purpose they seriously hurt Keaton, and oh yeah - ​blew up the forges​!" She leans back in her chair and crosses her arms. "Crush their leg with a metal fucking beam and see how they like it."

Fizz doesn't protest rory's idea.

Brent "Or maybe we don't maim people," he says to the ceiling. "Because we're better than whoever did this."

Lulu "Maybe violence isn't the best idea."

Rory doesn't look at either of them. "I'm just saying, it being an accident doesn't change what they did."

Fizz "And say it wasn't an accident? Then what?"

Jack is sitting very tensely, focusing on breathing.

,L doesn't want to have to treat another severe burn victim but doesn't say anything, resting her chin in her hands and her elbows on her knees.

Macey "What about like, revoking a lot of their camp privileges? Y'know, they can't be out past certain times, can't do certain things. Like, an ankle bracelet or house arrest or something..?"

Brent nods. "I agree, and I can't condone a violent solution."

Bentley sighs and looks at Ariana like 'are you kidding me.'

Jesse "Especially if it was an accident," he says quietly in agreements wih Brent and Macey.

Jesse: *agreement

Fizz "Again, what if it wasn't an accident?"

Kieran wonders what Malia would say or what any of his siblings might want him to say, but ultimately says nothing.

Jacob R. notices Ben's look and makes convinces himself that there isn't a reason to throw another chair in a public place like this.

Theo rests his head back against the wall, listening to the arguments on both sides, leaning more towards delivering a minor hex to the culprit. "What about solitary? It's non lethal and non violent, and still gets the point across in a pretty strong way."

Bentley looks at the new speaker and literally all colors drains from his face.

Jack has gone pale. He clutches his stomach and slouches in his his seat.

,L shakes her head. "Was anyone in the forges when the fire started? Besides the one who started it?"

Macey "If it's not an accident then we figure out something more serious when we get there? I don't know, Chiron just said to give ideas. That was my idea."

Jacob R. squints at Theo. "Nah."

Fizz hesitated for a minute, not wanting to answer L at first but instead decided she should. "Alec saw the fire and instantly went to me," she said in reply to Lavina. "But when we got back it blew up."

,L nods. "Then we don't know if the fire was malicious or not."

Jack rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 17

Lulu "Is there anyway we can prove it's arson or not?"

,L frowns and puts her chin back into her hands. "Are we sure it was some​one​ who started it?"

Theo lets out a sigh. "Why not just use a spell to figure it out? I'm sure between me and Declan we can figure something out."

Jack pushes his seat away from the table as calmly as he can, muttering an apology to the person sitting beside him. He starts around the table toward the exit, increasing in speed as he gets closer. He makes it to the door, clutching the handle, but can't get the door open before he curls over and vomits onto the floor.

Lulu "Ew"

,L stands, hands out, already ready to treat Jack.

Jesse straightens up and looks up from the table to look over at Jack, worried.

Jacob R. leans over to Brent and Macey. "Yikes, am I right?"

Macey grimaces and looks away, nodding at Jacob.

Brent is watching Jack carefully.

Rae pushes her chair back but relaxes when she sees L's got it covered.

Fizz looked at Jack, confused.

Jack stands frozen at the door, his hand stuck on the knob, torn between fleeing and sinking to the ground. "Sorry."

Kieran puts his face in his hands, looking away from Jack's direction. He shakes his head, trying not to feel queasy himself.

,L walks over to Jack calmly, holding a hand out to him but not touching him. "Are you okay?"

Ariana is thoroughly grossed out.

Rory covers her nose and mouth with her shirt, looking away from the door.

Theo grimaces at the scene before him, shaking his head. "Right, that's my cue to go. I'll talk to Dex, fill in Letty and all that. Let me know if something changed," he says offhandedly to Chiron, stepping over the mess and making his exit.

Jacob R. finds it wild that so many people are so easily grossed out considering that germs were used to colonize the country they now lived in.

Jack shakes his head. "I need to go." Jack steps aside to let Theo past before following out the door.

,L frowns, looking between the vomit, the door, and then at everyone else.

Jacob R. glances at Chiron. "Should we... Continue... or?"

Rae gets up to help L, then looks behind her at everyone else, "Well, I guess we're cleaning this up."

Laurel stands when Rae does and walks over to Rae and L. "I can help." She offers.

Ariana "If he's leaving, then so am I," She says when Theo leaves and then peaces out.

,L blinks at Rae and Laurel. "With what?"

Rae looks exasperated at everyone, "I don't fucking know, but we're not gonna sit here and finish this meeting with vomit on the floor."

Brent grabs Macey's arm and whispers in her ear. "Do you think it was Jack?"

Mikey is confused why someone threw up ???? is still sitting next to Rory tbh

Jesse "I can help clean too."

Mikey "If he was sick he should have stayed at his cabin. Someone could have filled him in later." He says to Rory.

Macey was trying not to look at the scene and not feel sick herself. She blinks at Brent words, the thought not having crossed her mind. "I...I mean, that's a thought? I guess why else would he..." She motions to the floor, "Unless he was actually sick."

,L walks out, down the hall to a closet, then returns with a mop and bucket. "You guys can sit down. Too many cooks spoil the vomit."

Rory looks at Mikey and nods her head in agreement, still using her shirt as a barrier.

Macey oh was also whispering quietly to her boo

Fizz "Does someone have like perfume or some shit on them to cover up the smell?"

Rae frowns, "You sure?"

Brent nods. "Yeah, unless he's actually sick. Are there any other people in his cabin?"

Macey purses her lips, thinking. "I don't think so. He's in Phobos, right?"

,L nods, already mopping up the mess. "Uh huh. Isn't even that much."

Laurel smiles at L. "Thanks for taking one for the team," She states and then sits down again.

Jesse nods at L, but stands up anyway. "I'm, uh, gonna go then."

Rae sits back down but makes a mental note to make L some cookies or something later.

Kieran sees Jesse stand and calls out, "Wait." He stands up as well. "I'll walk you back."

Jesse pauses and looks at Kieran, even more confused now. "Okay."

,L shrugs and finishes mopping fairly quickly. When she sees that the meeting is basically over, she leaves at the same time as others, carrying the bucket and mop.

Kieran excuses himself from the table and walks out of the room, waiting for Jesse in the hall.

#jesse #chatzy #jack