I love you
-馃 (Sel)
I love you too babyyy!!!!!! ehehehehe-
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I didn't think it was that big of a deal... sorry! -馃悵
I FU CKING LOVE MARKIPLIER DUDE FDSLFSFSDKJ
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thinkin about how like. i heavily identify with joy and delight, specifically the kind of joy and delight that sets off many uncontrollable stimmmy, but like.... it's hard for me, sometimes, to tell the difference between "joy" and "love"
specifically, as an aroace, afamilial person, whose primary attractions are platonic and aesthetic, i don't experience love the same way as most people. i know platonic love exists, i know love can exist within almost every kind of relationship and attraction type.
but i... don't? i don't know. i identify with the term loveless, but even then, "love" in our society is so intrinsically tied to joy and delight that i don't know how to separate them. i know i don't experience love the same way as other people. i don't know if i don't experience love at all. just like in science, it is near impossible to quantify the absence of something without the presence of that thing- which, in an absence, is pretty damn hard to find.
that's why i also like to use loveflux sometimes, or.. whatever other words make sense to me that i always forget to write down.
i dunno what i am.
i know that "love", for me, is defined differently than for others. for me, "love" is probably just joy. they're so woven together in my mind. also, the phrase "i love that" is a bit easier to say than "that brings me joy" (although, now that i think about it, it would be very fun to go around saying "this sparks joy" at everything)
(although, the phrase "i love you" specifically is almost impossible for me to say. it makes me sick. no matter how much i care about that person. and no, that doesn't make me heartless or awful or anything like that. it doesn't make me care about them less. the words themselves just feel awful to say)
i have a tendency, within relationships, to disconnect certain words from their typical meanings. for example: I'm afamilial (probably caedfamilial tbh), and am uncomfortable with specifically familial relationships. but i use words for familial relationships. there are some of my friends who i call "dad" or "brother". and these relationships aren't the same as my other platonic relationships. there's a specific qualifier, somewhere in there, that makes them "dad" or "brother". but there is nothing familial to it, i know that. they are platonic, just... a slightly different flavor?
makes me think of the Gorons calling everyone "brother". i like the Gorons' vibes.
i don't know if i experience love? i don't think i do. but i think I'll still keep using the word for now, since it's easier to say.
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HI UMMM DO U KNOW IF SCRATCHING THE OUTSIDE OF UR NAILZ (I GET HANGNAILS AND PLAY WITH THEM BC OF THIS) IS A STIM??? IVE BEEN DOING IT FOR RLLY LONG BUT IM NOT SURE IF IT COULD BE CATALOGUED AS A STIM
stimmy
any movements like that is stimmmy
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