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lesbehonestsstuff · 2 days

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Chapter 11

A brief interlude before I reunite them

Summary: Alex and Casey are called to the precinct where they find Olivia trying to get a little girl to open up.

Warnings: Usual SVU things and a little bit of suicidal idealization

Chapter 11/?

Casey paced restlessly in her living room, the rhythmic sound of her footsteps on the hardwood floor echoing throughout the apartment. Each passing second stretched into an agonizing eternity as she waited for Alex to come home. She had texted her that she was going to get a drink with Olivia and Elliot, and she should be home by now. Normally, she wouldn't feel this uneasy, but the recent threats made towards Alex because of the case had her on edge all day.

The sound of the doorbell made her jump, jolting Casey from her spiraling thoughts. With trembling hands, she reached for the doorknob, her breath catching in her throat as she swung the door open to reveal Elliot standing on her doorstep. Immediately, she felt nauseous, knowing that if Elliot was here, something had happened. “What are you doing here? Where's Alex?” Her dread threatened to suffocate her.

Elliot's expression was grave, his usually stoic demeanor cracked with emotion. “Casey…” he began, using the voice she knew he used whenever he was talking to the family of victims.

She brought her hand up to her face. “No, no, don't—” Her words came out in a panicked rush as she braced herself for what Elliot would tell her.

“We were leaving the bar,” Elliot's voice cracked. “It was a drive-by. They shot her.”

Bile rose in her throat as the weight of Elliot's words crashed over her like a tidal wave. “Where is she?” she demanded hoarsely, already running through scenarios in her head. People got shot all the time in their line of work, and they made it. Alex would be fine. She was relentless; a single bullet wouldn’t take her out.

Elliot's gaze dropped to the floor. “Casey, she didn't make it.”

Casey's knees buckled beneath her as the ground seemed to crumble away. “Why are you doing this? What is wrong with you?” Her voice cracked with anguish. “She would never—she... she can't be—”

Elliot stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Casey in a futile attempt to offer comfort. “I got you,” he murmured, his voice thick with sorrow. “I'm so sorry, Casey.” She clutched her arms around him with so much force it hurt.

“I can't... I can't breathe,” she choked out, her words muffled against Elliot's chest as she clung to him, her world falling apart in an instant.

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Olivia stood beside Casey, her heart heavy with the weight of the task before her. She watched as her friend sat motionless on the edge of the bed, her eyes vacant and distant, lost in the grief of losing Alex. Olivia hated to see her like this, knowing Alex was alive, but she couldn’t say anything. She promised Alex she would take care of Casey, and part of that included not letting her know the truth.

“Honey, you have to get ready,” Olivia spoke softly, reaching out to place her hand on the redhead's shoulder.

Casey flinched at the contact, her body tensing. She turned to look at her friend, her eyes hollow and empty, devoid of any of the spark that was usually there. “I don't want to go,” she whispered.

“I know, sweetheart,” Olivia replied, her heart aching. She reached out, wrapping an arm around her friend, offering what little comfort she could.

Casey didn't hug Olivia back, just let herself be held for a few seconds. “I need to get Niki ready,” she mumbled, her voice disconnected as she struggled to stand up and tackle the task of getting her daughter ready for Alex’s funeral.

“Hey, that's okay,” Olivia stopped her, “Melinda is with her getting her ready. Let me help you.”

Casey's shoulders sagged in defeat as she allowed Olivia to lead her to the closet. She stood there silently, her gaze fixed on the rows of clothes before her, unable to muster the strength to make even the simplest of decisions. Olivia noticed and picked up a simple black dress, helping Casey into it. She pulled the zipper up and went to the bathroom to grab a brush, coming back to style red hair into a simple ponytail.

“I can't do this without her, Liv,” Casey whispered, her voice cracking with emotion as she reached out to grasp Olivia's hand.

“Yes, you can, Case,” Olivia replied, squeezing Casey's hand in reassurance. “You're not alone. You have all of us. We'll help you with anything you need.”

Casey shook her head, the void look in her face coming back as she sat on the bed once more. “I just need her back.”

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Casey was exhausted; she had stopped being able to sleep at night, getting a few hours now and then when her body finally allowed her. Despite being exhausted in every way, she still had a daughter to take care of, so she had spent the afternoon trying to distract Niki with a trip to the zoo. The time off that Donnelly had practically forced her to take was driving her crazy. She didn’t want free time; she needed distractions, something to keep her from spending the day consumed by memories and grief.

Fin was the one who suggested the zoo, and much to her surprise and slight annoyance, the squad had shown up to spend the day with them. She loved them and was thankful for all they were doing, but they kept treating her like if they let her out of their sight she would throw herself of a bridge

She had spent the afternoon walking behind her daughter as she talked everyone's ear off with animal facts. It brought her a little bit of comfort to see some of the personality they had worked so hard to get her to show was coming back, especially when she and Munch scared Fin with every fact they had about spiders, snakes, and bugs, all of which Niki had learned from the book Alex got her.

Casey had dodged everyone's questions about her every time one of them walked next to her, insisting she was fine, even though they knew she was lying through her teeth. When they finally got home, all of them practically insisted that a night of takeout and a movie was needed. She humored them and watched as Fin and Munch argued over what movie to watch while Olivia ordered takeout for everyone. From the corner of her eye, she could see Elliot and George playing with Niki, the girl happily distracted by them. It was almost eight, and she knew she would have to put Niki to bed soon, hoping that she would be tired enough from the day to not fight her on it.

She took a deep breath and walked over to her daughter, already picturing how this was going to go down. “Alright, come on, sweetheart, it's time to say goodnight.” Niki didn't look up or even move as she kept playing with the Legos that were scattered in front of her, simply shaking her head and protesting stubbornly, “I don't wanna.”

Casey let out a small sigh, rubbing a hand over her face as she tried to keep her composure. She could feel everyone's eyes on them, and she really didn't want to fight with her eight-year-old. “I don't want to tell you again; please go brush your teeth and put on your PJs. I’ll read you a story when you're done.”

This time, Niki did turn to look at her, defiance marked all over her features. “No!”

Casey's patience started to wane, the mix of exhaustion and frustration getting her dangerously close to snapping. She tried again, ashamed this was happening in front of everyone she had been trying so hard to convince she was fine. “Niki—”

“I said I don't want to, I wish you had gone away instead of Mamma!” Niki's words hit Casey like a punch to the gut, and she felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

The room went completely quiet the second the words were out of Niki's mouth. Everyone looked between mother and child, noticing the way regret immediately formed on Niki's face when she saw how hurt her mom looked. The tension was cut by Elliot clearing his throat and stepping in to pick Niki up. “Okay, come on, kid, that's enough. Let's get you to bed.” He disappeared down the hall with her, leaving the remaining group to see a still shell-shocked Casey blinking away tears.

George stepped forward, going to place a hand on the redhead's shoulder, which was quickly shrugged off. “Casey—” his tone was soft with concern, but Casey did not have the energy anymore to be on the receiving end of his compassion.

Before any of them could say anything else, she turned around. “I'm going to bed,” she announced, her voice strained as she made her way to her bedroom, letting the tears she had been holding fall free. She knew Niki was hurting, struggling to make sense of losing Alex, but Casey couldn’t help but feel the weight of Niki’s grief pressing down on her right next to her own. As she closed the door behind her, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was failing both her daughter and Alex.

____________________________________________

Casey woke to the faint glow of moonlight seeping through the curtains, casting gentle shadows across her bedroom. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she glanced at the clock on her bedside table; it was well past midnight. She doesn’t even remember falling asleep, only that she had broken down into sobs as soon as she was alone in her room. She hadn't even had the energy to feel bad about leaving everyone in her home and Elliot to deal with Niki; she was just tired and cried herself to sleep. Running a hand through her hair and looking around the room, she tried to figure out what had woken her, the answer standing at the door with her teddy bear in her arms.

She sat up against the headboard and looked at her daughter's blotchy cheeks that had been streaked by tears. “Mommy?” her voice was small and shy, reminding Casey of how it had been when she was first with them.

“What's wrong, sweetheart?” she asked, her voice still heavy with sleep.

Niki hesitated for a moment, shifting nervously in the doorway before finally speaking again through sniffles. “I'm sorry” she choked out “I didn't mean what I said. I don't want you to go away.”

Casey's heart clenched at her daughter's words; she would be lying if she said her daughters words hadn’t hurt like hell, but she knew she wasn't the only one struggling to cope with Alex’s death. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she reached out a hand, patting the empty space on the bed beside her and pulling back the covers. She watched as Niki hesitated for a second before making her way to what was Alex's side of the bed, climbing in.

When Niki didn’t immediately crawl into her arms like she always did, Casey cupped her cheek and gave her a kiss on her forehead. “I know you didn't mean it, sweetheart.”

Tears spilled from Niki's eyes as she threw herself against her mother, burying her face against Casey's chest. “I miss Mamma,” she sobbed, her words muffled by the fabric of Casey's, well, Alex’s hoodie.

Casey's own tears welled up as she held her daughter close, running her fingers through brown hair. “I miss her too, baby,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “So, so much.”

Niki hiccupped, her breath catching in her throat as she struggled to speak through her tears. “Promise you won't leave me too?”

“I promise, sweetheart,” she vowed, and placed another kiss on top of her hair. “I'll never leave you. I'll always be here, okay?” Niki nodded, clutching onto Casey as if afraid she might disappear.

#alex cabot #casey novak #calex #casey novak x alex cabot #law and order svu #spain without the s

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