#sorry for the kind of pointless rant

[thecoffeelovingfreak]

I got small fillings on the backs of both my two front teeth this morning, and it's now almost midnight (my time) and the sensation is still strange

#i know it's supposed to take a little bit to get used to it #but it's just one of those little things that surprises you each time #like i'm so used to it being smooth #that every time my tongue touches it i'm like #oh #that's right #i have fillings #right fucking there #and since they had to do some drilling #it's somewhat sensitive #so any cold drink etc #sends a small shiver down my spine #anyway #sorry for the kind of pointless rant #would anyone be interested in seeing some ocs? #i've thought about finally indulging and making some 🤷‍♀️ #coff is wandering #yes i am wandering #i'm just a clueless little guy being tugged around on the universe's whims #and i'm okay with that #alright i'm cutting myself off now 🤦‍♀️ #might as well call it #coff's chaotic hours

[fuckyeah-bears]

literally exerting sooo much self control and impulse control not to snap back at idiots replying stupid shit on my posts. people are annoying as fuck sometimes. like if you have 'commentary' about how i interact with shit and answer asks, you can literally fuck off. i spend absurd amounts of time trying to be nice and provide specific bears and nice replies to people at their request. and then the one time i get slightly irritated people freak the fuck out and start lecturing me about being 'unprofessional' and 'rude' and 'obnoxious' like im sorry but fuck all the way off. this is fucking tumblr. nothing about tumblr is professional. i don't have to provide y'all with bears. i don't have to make a pinned post to explain myself. newsflash, i already have a pinned post that i'm rather fond of. i don't have to act or respond to things any kind of way. i choose to respond kindly with nice encouraging messages and provide bears, and spend ridiculous amounts of time looking up specific requested bears for people. i choose to do that because i want to make people happy and spread some positivity. i choose to do that because this world is shit as fuck sometimes and i want to create a little space free from drama and negativity where people can enjoy bears and get a little reprieve from this shit ass world and the bullshit of life. i choose to do all that because i want to. but heaven forbid i'm not in the mood 100% of the time to always be perfectly nice and happy and go-lucky. and then i get shits giving me crap over it like i'm somehow obligated to do all this shit for free and always respond exactly the way they desire me to. and it is pissing me the fuck off. because i genuinely put so much effort into bearotonin and trying to make other peoples' lives better in this one tiny small way. i have a life y'all. i have a job and school and an actual adult life with responsibilities. but i choose to do this because i love bears and i think bearotonin is hilarious and making people happy is something that makes me happy. but i don't owe anyone anything, and if you have complaints about the way i comport myself or respond to messages or posts i make, well you can fuck off. i don't want to hear it. you don't need to reblog my posts and tag them with little messages about how you disagree, or write replies/comments saying i should act better or should be expecting this, or send me stupid asks. you can literally keep your negative thoughts to yourself. because people need to fucking realize that your tags are not private. if you put them on a post, the op is going to see them. and in this case, the op is going to be super pissed off by them.

to be clear, 99% of people are awesome and super nice and i love y'all dearly (and this post is absolutely not about you in any way), but the other 1% are really getting on my fucking nerves right now and it is taking a lot of effort to not engage with them directly and tell them to fuck off to their faces

#so yeah i'm vague posting instead #whatever #sorry not sorry for the rant #but this bullshit lately is so insanely annoying #and i'm allowed to be annoyed over it #because i have crap going on in my real life #and i come on tumblr FOR FUN #so it should be fun #not full of pointless dumb drama #i don't care if you're angry or confused about why i say things. just keep it to yourself #i genuinely do not want to see it right now #maybe in like 2 weeks or whatever when i've calmed the fuck down i will engage but right now i'm pissed enough that #unless it's something entirely neutral or positive #i genuinely do not want to hear it #no constructive criticism or helpful suggestion shit #i'm not interested #these are my fucking blogs and if you don't like the way i run them then you can literally unfollow #simple as that #okay i'm done ranting now #sorry to all of y'all who are lovely and kind #you know this post is absolutely not about you at all #not bears #just a rant #bearotonin rants

[lunarflare64]

Every time my cleaner comes over I think "it'll be fine, I'm used to it now" and every time she leaves I have a half an hour long meltdown/freakout/rage-fest as I storm through my house and put everything where its supposed to be and WHY DID SHE PUT THE STUFF THAT WAS IN TWO SEPARATE BASKETS INTO ONE BASKET IF THEYRE IN TWO BASKETS THEYRE LIKE THAT FOR A FUCKING REASON SHE JUST DIRTIED TWO WEEKS WORTH OF CLEAN TOWELS BY DUMPING THEM INTO THE DIRTY TOWEL BASKET THAT WAS SOAKING WET NOW EVEN IF I COULD TELL CLEAN FROM DIRTY IT WOULDNT FUCKING MATTER BECAUSE EVERYTHINGS WET AND I HAVE TO GET EVERYTHING WASHED I HAVE CLEANERS BECAUSE IM FUCKING DISABLED AND CANT CLEAN MYSELF DO YOU THINK I HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO POINTLESS FUCKING LAUNDRY THAT DIDNT NEED TO BE DONE FOR ANOTHER TWO FUCKING WEEKS

#sorry #that was a rant #but this kind of ruined so much for me you have no idea how difficult just one early load of laundry is for me #thats not the only thing she touches #she moves all the stuff on the kitchen floor into heavy bags #and puts them in front of cupboards i use multiple times a day and need space to open #she pulls the thin blanket out from under the duvet and puts it on top of it (why???? thats so fucking pointless????) #she turns every light switch in the house on including the outdoor ones #she only cleans one pile of dishes #only that specific bunch #i have dishes IDENTICAL to them RIGHT NEXT TO THEM and she wont touch them she never has #i had dirty frying pans ON TOP of her bunch of dishes and she moved them into a pile on the stove #i hate this shit so fucking much #i hate cleaners #unfortunately i hate mould more

[princessbrunette]

imagine jayj's panic rambling about some stupid lead john b wants to chase next, pacing the floors n practically given you a headache cos he literally hasn't breathed in the last five minutes so you just drop to your knees in front of him to get him quiet - 🍓

🩰𓈒⋆⑅˚₊୨୧

you could never quite follow with all the pogue adventure stuff. it was alot, and each day brought new details and side quests and it was difficult to keep up with. you knew that if it was a lot for you, it had to be a lot on your boyfriend jj — which became more and more clear as he paced your girly bedroom, repeatedly yanking his hat off to run a stressed hand through his hair.

“and you know me i don’t like to wait — we’re wastin’ valuable precious time that could be spent walkin’ right in there, sticking a gun in their mouth n’ waiting for them to squawk, but no — nah of course john b wants to do the freakin’ logical thing and regroup tomorrow. tomorrow, babe— these dudes are gonna be half way across the ocean by tomorrow, bon appetit— never to be seen again!”

“do you mean bon voyage?” you furrow your eyebrows, swinging your legs as you listen along, sat on your vanity watching the blonde pace your room. he’d only been in your house for a matter of ten minutes, and you weren’t sure he’d taken a second to breathe since he had arrived — ranting furiously about the day of pogue drama and adventure.

“look— whatever, okay— the point is, no one’s listening to me, n’i get it, right? jj’s the crazy one, jj’s always gettin’ himself into trouble— but you know why that is? it’s because i take action.” he pummels his fist into his hand with emphasis. “i’m not gonna just sit here and let these guys get away with this shit, you know?”

he finally looks at you, like expecting an answer and you take the opportunity— hopping off the vanity to step towards him. “i know it’s frustrating, jayj — but there’s nothing you can do right now. everyone’s safety including yours should be the main priority.” you pout. you know he didn’t wanna be lectured by you on being safe, especially not right now but you couldn’t help offer your opinion. plus, as selfish as it sounded you kind of wanted him to drop the whole thing now. it was pointless, really.

“i know — okay? i know. i’m sorry i’m… yeah, i’m just stressed the fuck out. you know how i get. i just kinda find it funny how he— wh… what you doin’ there?” he’s paused in his tracks when you’re suddenly infront of him, nodding intently along with what he’s saying as your fingers pop open the button on his shorts.

you have the audacity to look confused by his question, tilting your head like a sweet lost puppy. “…helping? said you were stressed, jayj?” you furrow your brows, manicured fingers slowly dragging his zipper down before you sink to your knees, looking up at him expectedly.

“you— uh, you were gonna…? right here?” he blinks, his anatomy betraying him as his cock jumps in his pants in muscle memory of you being on your knees. you nod happily, leaning forward with a polite smile, pressing a kiss to his bulge through his pants.

“wanna help.” you muse happily, almost cheerfully and he swallows, taking his hat off for the last time and tossing it onto your bed.

“hey, don’t let me stop you sugar. just… surprised. god damn.” he runs a hand through his hair, the frustration already starting to seep out of his body. you take this as the green light to start massaging his length through the fabric, giggling giddily as you ready him for your mouth.

“just relax now, jj. lemme make it better.”

🩰𓈒⋆⑅˚₊୨୧

#🍓 anon #jj maybank prompt

[watchingyoufromthestars]

No because I’m thinking again about how little care the cast has had for the NPCs this season. It’s even worse when it comes to the parents because the entire basis of the show is that it’s about family. I’m glad hypfix hasn’t blinded me to being critical of this show because when I really think about it, s2 could’ve been handled a lot better.

I’ll talk specifically about Rebecca and how even one of the players said she was the best choice to die. And I agree, but only for the reason that she’s the only spouse who’s actually *done* anything. We’ve maybe had a scene with Veronica once (and over the PHONE), Cassandra was shoved into a plotline to make Willy have an upper hand, and the one time they were with Marco was when someone got killed in his house. And Attack on Titanic does not count to me, sorry. Rebecca didn’t do much either, but she was there all throughout ep31-32 so that’s *something*. We got to actually interact with her. She had some kind of impact on the story. So to me she was the best choice to die in that it would be pointless to kill Terry again, killing another kiddad this late in the game would feel cheap, and killing one of the other kiddad spouses would be nothing. And if Scary’s bio dad had been the one to die that would feel even cheaper. Genuinely why the hell is he even here. I'm worried about what will possibly happen with him next episode, I really would've rather us never meet him at all.

I could also write pages on the disrespect that’s been given to Hermie but it’s all stuff that’s been said before. The constant “is this the new Paeden?” “I think we found our new Paeden” about anyone but Hermie when Hermie’s done worlds more than Paeden ever did.

I’ll stop myself from ranting here but yeah. I really hope they treat the NPCs with more care next season. That being said I'm excited for the finale, but only so they can let these characters go and move on.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #dndads season 2 #dndads s2 #dndads spoilers #ty sei for prompting this with being critical of the show #I stand by that this season would've benefitted from being prewritten #not looking this over just dumping the words out and posting #I have more thoughts but that can be for another time #maybe the real reason s2 is so au-able to me is that the canon plot is handled so poorly LOL /hj

[wolfscarr]

Helluva Broken Narrative 2. The Wasted Family.

Alright here I am with...I guess Part 2 of this Broken Narrative thing...for part 1, see the link below.

I again didn't really wanna post, but it's just been nagging at the back of my head for some time now.

DISCLAIMER: Not saying you can't enjoy the show. Enjoy it all you want, this again is just a rant about a lack of cohesive narrative.

So much like Season 2 retroactively making the whole deal between Blitz and Stolas pointless, it also has made a whole Family completely wasted to the show.

It not only made Stolas a retroactively useless character, but it has also made both Stella and Octavia wasted characters. They are now just characters....who are there, to make Stolas either look good(Octavia) or make you feel 'sorry' for(Stella) and that's...basically it.

It also ruined and yes I'm saying ruined, Stolas and Stella's relationship and what it was hinted to be at. Now you might be wondering...

"Wait...what do you mean?"

Well here it is. It seems that the episode Loo Loo Land, the one fans seem to give all this praise for and most notably the song that Stolas sings to Octavia when she had a nightmare. Except at the same time....people miss the lyrics, that basically confirm that Stolas and Stella had some sort of relationship and they are as follow.

"I use to think that I was bold. I used to think love would be fun."

There is zero way he is meaning anything or anyone else other than his relationship with Stella, but let us break down this set of lyrics.

"I used to think that I was bold."

What is the definition of Bold?

Bold= Showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous. Courageous, confident, and fearless.

This right here, basically says that Stolas was the one to approach Stella, that he was the one to take this risk of marrying her, that he was the one who wanted to be with her, that he held no fear of being married.

Next set of Lyrics..

"I used to think love would be fun."

This right here, basically says that Stolas and Stella had some kind of relationship with getting married, he wanted to see if they could be together, to have a family, to see how things would go.

Stolas took a bold risk, by popping the question to Stella, diving right on in with his confidence and marrying her to see if it all would work out.

IT WAS STOLAS who got married.

IT WAS STOLAS who wanted Stella.

Then Season 2 happens and shows.....the complete opposite of what these lyrics just flat out told us in that song.

Season 2 shows Stolas as a scared, crying and sniveling child who....has no desire to get married and doesn't want to get married. That the marriage between him and Stella was FORCED UPON THEM and not something by their own volition. So according to Season 2, Stolas couldn't have been bold, nor could he have even wanted to find out if love would be fun...because it was NEVER his choice to begin with and he never liked Stella from the start!

It was his Father, who FORCED him to be married so that they could produce a cautionary heir. Even though I feel that's also pretty pointless when you think about it, but that's another discussion entirely.

Oh but people might say "Well she was throwing stuff at him and screaming at him, yada, yada!"

....No shit? She just found out she got cheated on, what reaction was she suppose to have? Was she just suppose to brush it off? Smile and be happy? NO.

Was it extreme to be throwing things? Obviously, but you know...when someone's pissed enough, they will throw things around and throw a bitch fit because something huge just happened to them.

Also tell me something, if the whole cheating that didn't imply hurt as per Stolas' words in Season 2....then why was Stella even throwing a bitch fit to begin with? Why did she say...

"I can't stand another moment, looking at your imp sucking face!"

"I want that cheating prick, dead!"

...But then in S2, we find out that they never got along, they never even liked eachother....so what is the dialogue even for? This dialogue means absolutely nothing. Also you can't argue for something as status or whatever, because Stella doesn't even seem to care about that, she just wants Stolas dead now.

She specifically used the words "Cheating Prick"....this suggests that...yes, she was hurt by what had happened.

Also before saying anything with regards to Stolas' words to Octavia and Loo Loo Land?

None of those statements were conclusive

2. Even if they were, this wouldn't negate that potentially Stolas and Stella didn't have good times together, that they couldn't have made fond memories. Just that in the end....Stolas realized, he didn't love her.

None of what he said, would have to point to = An arranged/loveless marriage. This is just boring by a narrative standpoint, when you could do a WHOLE LOT BETTER.

Oh but here's the real kicker in all of this folks. I'm not the only one who thought the pair had something more to them than what we got in Season 2, because as it turns out BOTH VAs for Stolas and Stella....were thinking the same damn thing.

Oh look at that, Stella's VA liking the fact that Stella may not have been evil, that she's just broken hearted and doesn't think straight as per S1. Oh and it adds up to what's above!

Oh but it gets better, because the VAs for the characters did an Insta Reel sometime back, discussing their characters.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CWR2i9oLCyI/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y%3D

The video is unfortunately gone(probably taken down because of S2...), but I just put up the link to show I'm not fibbing, though if it's somehow able to be recovered, be appreciated!

But in it, Stolas' VA says "There's a lot of pain inside of her." << Regarding Stella.

It says something that their VAs put more time and thought in thinking about their characters and what their relationship was, how it affected them than the actual writers.

So it seems to me, that both of their VAs were expecting something deeper to their characters relationship, than what we got. Because what we got now is bland and boring, frankly all of what's going on now in this 'plotline' is incredibly boring, why do people even like this?

Stolas already kicked her out, Stolas already stood up to her. The only thing left is....what? Oh the divorce trial? The trial that is no doubt going to be similar to the Johnny and Amber one, because...topical and then what? Nothing, this whole thing is just not needed.

Oh and then there's Octavia, I won't go too much on this seeing as everyone else is already doing so. But girl? I'm sorry that the show seems to have made you blind and apparently unable to put 2 and 2 together, that your parents never got along.....even though straight from the horse's mouth, an eye witness being YOURSELF says that they weren't always fighting.

==

So there it is folks, this show has completely wasted Octavia and Stella, turning them nothing more into Good and Bad props for Stolas, so that the audience 'feels' something for him. This in turn has completely wasted any potential interesting Family interaction, regarding with what happened and thus made S1 even more pointless than it already is.

^ For part 3.

#helluva boss critical #helluva boss stella #helluva stella #helluva boss critique #helluva critical #Consistent Narratives are important #helluva boss stolas #vivziepop critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva critique #helluva stolas #helluva boss

[realbeijinger]

Another semi-coherent rant on climate change, the value of idealism, and TGCF (I finally finished!)

Well, I finished Tian Guan Ci Fu. And, oh man, if you read my last post, you’ll know that I was terrified that the entire novel would be a criticism of blind idealism. But I am SO glad I was wrong!!! Looking back on what I wrote before… it’s kind of hilarious how worried I was. I was so sure that I knew where it was going, was so busy preparing myself to be offended/emotionally crushed, that I wouldn’t even entertain the idea that maybe MXTX had a similar worldview to me all along.

In my defense, aside from the line, “Something like saving the common people… although foolish, it is brave,” everything seemed to point toward the idea that trying to do good is pointless. I mean, up until the moment when Xie Lian was lying with a sword in his chest on the streets of Yong’an, all of his efforts to do good had essentially been in vain. He hadn’t been able to help anyone.

And then, when the one guy stopped and gave Xie Lian his hat, I dunno, I just cried. It was so perfect! Like, ugh, damn you, MXTX! So sneaky… destroying us, just to bring us back later!! It was such a small, insignificant win, but it was exactly what Xie Lian (and I) needed. I love the line, “Just one person was enough!” Just one person doing something selfless. It’s enough to give us hope.   

It really resonates with me because I think a lot about how to maintain hope. In terms of the climate crisis, I feel like Xie Lian—completely powerless. I want to stop eating meat, use less plastic, spend more time on environmental activism, but honestly, what do any of these things matter? The meat industry is not going to change because I choose to stop consuming. Even my activism has a completely negligible effect—whether or not I join a protest or write a letter to my congressman will almost certainly not be the deciding factor for any climate legislation, no matter how much effort I put in.  

And yet, I still want to. I love the moment when Xie Lian chooses to get stabbed over and over rather than create a second plague of Human Face Disease, and White No-Face asks him in shock, “Why??”—as in, why would you ever do that? And Xie Lian responds: “I don’t have a reason—just because I want to! Even if I explained it to you… Useless trash like you wouldn’t understand.” This line is so great. Xie Lian can’t explain it to White No-Face, because, in truth, it isn’t entirely logical. It can’t be explained by reason. I want to do my measly, unimportant part to help the world… because I want to. Because it feels right. Because it’s my way of keeping my heart, of maintaining faith that there is some good in this world worth upholding. (As an aside, I love how the English title of the live action drama—which we may never get to see, God damn censorship!!!!—is called “Eternal Faith.” Of course it refers to Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s faith in each other, but I think it also means having eternal faith in the value of doing good, despite centuries of experience that seem to show its pointlessness.)

As I talked about in my last post, if you zoom out far enough, nothing really seems to matter. Everything we love and care about will one day be gone. And yet, I believe we still have to act like it matters. This is the basic tenant of existentialism, and I think MXTX portrays this philosophical paradox really beautifully.

It’s funny, because I think MXTX has a lot of profound things to say, but in an interview I read, she warned against viewing her work too deeply, saying, “I am not a guru.” I get that she may not want the responsibility of giving people spiritual advice, but I do think she presents some really fascinating, really novel, philosophical ideas. So, sorry MXTX, but I’m about to analyze TGCF like it’s a piece of freakin scripture. Soo here we go…

The main theme she comes back to again and again is that fortune is limited, so the only way you can do good for others is by taking fortune from somebody else. Which leads the characters to a bunch of ethically impossible choices: the people of Yong’an and the people of Xianle can’t all be saved (Xie Lian must choose who to help), neither can the people of Wuyong and the surrounding kingdoms (Prince of Wuyong must choose), and Shi Wudu can’t save his brother from a tragic fate without taking fortune from an innocent person. When the characters try to avoid choosing, and try to “play God” by creating a “third path,” it just invites disaster.

But is this really true? Is fortune actually limited? It’s an idea that reminds me of Buddhism and Daoism, but also seems kind of revolutionary… (I like to think I know something about Chinese philosophy but it could certainly be a thing and I don’t know). I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe in limited resources, and the idea that nature tends toward balance. I think conceiving of it this way, as a pool of fortune, is really interesting.   

It reminds me of this Meme:

In other words, who is the protagonist and who is the villain is entirely based on perspective. And, according to the laws of nature, we all must survive by eating others, or causing others to starve (i.e. avoiding being eaten).

I tried to think if this is really true in all areas of life. I’m a teacher, and one of the ways I convince myself that I am doing good in the world is by helping my students—preparing them well for college so that they can get into good schools and follow their dreams. But then, is this just taking fortune from others? If I do prepare my students well, and as a result they all get into top universities, does that mean they are taking spots away from other students? Am I simply just helping “my own,” at the expense of others?

One place where I see this concept play out very clearly is with our modern, industrialized society. As I mentioned in my last post, we live in a world of abundance. Most of us have enough food to eat, live in houses with electricity and running water, and don’t worry about a whole host of diseases endured by our ancestors. It seems we have done what Xie Lian couldn’t—we have expanded the well of fortune for most of humanity.

But this fortune wasn’t spontaneously created. It was taken from other species. It was borrowed against our own future, when climate change will likely destroy this world of abundance we have created, causing untold suffering. In truth, when it comes to prosperity, there is no such thing as a free lunch.   

Even now, when we ought to be enjoying our fortune, most of us are not happy. We want other things. We take food, clothing, and shelter for granted, creating even bigger, more lofty demands—a bigger car, a better house, a machine that’s sole purpose is to make bread. In fact, it seems like whenever we make things “better,” the goalposts just move. I recently read a book called Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, which mentioned that with the advent of washing machines and vacuum cleaners, everyone assumed there would be more free time. Yet, the real outcome was that standards of cleanliness just changed. Suddenly, people expected you to wear fresh clothes every day and have a perfectly dust-free home, which meant spending just as much time cleaning as in the past.     

And according to psychologists, getting what we want doesn’t really make us happier. Instead, something like getting a promotion causes our happiness to spike, before it quickly returns to baseline. The psychologist Dan Gilbert writes that the purpose of our emotions is to act like a compass—to tell us which direction to go in. If you feel good, you can continue the way you are going. If you feel bad, you should probably turn—make a change. But if you get what you want and become permanently happy, your compass is now broken. It’s stuck in one direction and becomes useless.

All of this is very Buddhist, of course. Suffering is not caused by our external circumstances, but our desire to change them.

Like I said, I don’t necessarily believe in “fate” or “fortune.” But I believe this all points to something deeper that MXTX is getting at: which is that we cannot fundamentally make a better world, for the common people, or for anyone. This idea of “better” doesn’t really exist. The world is as it is. Trying to alter that is like playing God. And like Xie Lian says, “In this world, there are no true gods…”  

So, what do we do? How can we survive this absurdist tragedy of life? I don’t think we can just throw up our hands and not give a shit—that way lies depression and Jun Wu-style cruelty. We cannot lose our heart. But we also can’t try to fix everything.

One thing I find a bit difficult about MXTX is she is very clear about the impossible situations our characters find themselves in, but not really clear about the solution. She seems critical of the characters’ actions (I’m thinking also of Wei Wuxian here), but what exactly does she think they should have done? In other words, what is the point?

I spent a long time thinking about this. And I realized that Xie Lian was able to get back on his feet, find happiness and make peace with himself. How did he do this? Ultimately, I see Xie Lian’s solution as having three parts: self-sacrifice, gratitude, and purpose. Which all sounds very academic and maybe not that profound on an emotional level. But hear me out. Because, in the end, I think these choices are incredibly beautiful. They are the kind of thing that make me feel like reading TGCF was actually a spiritual experience, no matter what MXTX says. That makes me admire Xie Lian and want to follow him (like the God he is).

Okay so first: self-sacrifice. If fortune is limited, and the only way to make others’ lives better is to take fortune from someplace else, then there is really only one place you can take it from without hurting others—yourself.

So, part of Xie Lian’s solution is to take fortune from himself and give it to others. It’s why he asks for a cursed shackle that disperses his fortune, so that his fortune will naturally flow to those around him. It’s, of course, a very small thing. He is no longer playing God, or trying to “fix” the world on a grand scale. He is simply, in his own, quiet way, serving the common people.

My desire to give up meat and to spend more time on activism—these things feel like big sacrifices for me. And yet, they will have a very small impact on the greater situation in the world. They’re a drop in the ocean. I still want to do it, but it’s hard. It’s hard to care, or think that these things matter. Yet, this is the trade-off Xie Lian was willing to make. I really admire him for it.   

I believe self-sacrifice is actually a really important, beautiful thing, that our society has forgotten the value of. We are individualistic—obsessed with our own wants. As I mentioned previously, our expectations have risen, so we buy and buy and buy. We are unwilling to rein in our consumption. I know a lot of people baulk at lifestyle changes as a solution to the climate crisis, and I agree that putting pressure on individuals instead of governments or corporations is misguided. But, first of all, there simply aren’t enough resources on earth to sustain our current levels of consumption. And, second… I don’t think we can completely let individuals off the hook. What is society anyway, but a collection of individuals? If we are going to address this thing, it’s going to take a massive movement—bigger than the civil rights movement or the works’ rights movement or the women’s movement. It’s going to take millions of people worldwide getting out of their own heads, their own lives, and concerning themselves with the greater good. That requires immense sacrifice.

Which takes me to gratitude. In order to be willing to sacrifice, you have to appreciate what you already have.

People often talk about gratitude these days as a path to mental health. Instinctively, it sounds like an uplifting, positive thing. And it is… but it also entails having a relatively negative worldview. It means remembering all the horrible things that exist in this world which we are lucky enough to avoid on a daily basis. You stepped in some dog shit? Well, that sucks, but you could have stepped into an open manhole and broken your neck! So! That’s something to be grateful for.  

We are all so lucky. I’m sure everyone reading this has pains and traumas and challenges. This isn’t to diminish those, but, I hope, at least we all have at least one person to love. That’s all Hua Cheng had, and it’s what kept him going. Just one person was enough. And most of us, I hope, get to eat food every day, get to sleep in a bed, get to play video games or read novels or write poetry when we are sad. Not everyone gets those things.  

Xie Lian, of course, was the king of low expectations, because he knew his future was going to be bad. He had intentionally accepted bad luck for a lifetime. So, there was no point in hoping for things to get better.

I think this attitude is best shown by his interaction with the Venerable of Empty words. The Venerable of Empty Words feeds off people’s fears. But Xie Lian didn’t really have any. When the Venerable of Empty Words warned him that his hut will collapse in two months, his response is, “Two months? If it’s still standing in seven days, then it’ll be a real miracle.” Because his expectations are so low, he’s essentially immune to fear. I can’t help but think that if you could really think this way, it would be a kind of superpower. It reminds me of the famous quote by spiritual teacher Krishnamurti, “Do you know what my secret is? You see, I don’t mind what happens.”

And so Xie Lian is okay with everything. He can sleep anywhere, crash boulders on his chest for money, not eat for three days, regularly suffer corpse poisoning, and still be okay.

Which leads to my third point: purpose. Xie Lian is able to endure such hardship because his expectations are low, but also he knows all his suffering has a purpose. “If I am to become a God of misfortune, then so be it,” he says. “As long as I know deep down that I am not.” He is okay with being laughed at or avoided for his bad luck, because deep down he knows he is doing the right thing. People can withstand a great deal if they feel their suffering has meaning. In Man’s Search for Meaning, the psychiatrist Victor Frankl’s writes about the horrors of living through a concentration camp, and how over and over, it was creating purpose that allowed him, and others, to find motivation to survive. Which I think has an important lesson for self-sacrifice. People are willing to sacrifice a lot, if they feel their sacrifice has purpose.

I get it when MXTX says that she is not a guru, and maybe it’s a lot to ask of a danmei novel to take spiritual advice from it. The book wasn’t necessarily perfect, and I do have some critiques (which I was gonna add here, but this thing is already wayyy too long). But… I do think I found something really meaningful in this story—some inspiration. I want to follow Xie Lian’s example, and live with gratitude and acceptance, while keeping my faith in doing the right thing. In other words, WWXLD! (What Would Xie Lian Do?)

#tgcf #mxtx #heaven official's blessing #tgcf meta #tian guan ci fu #climate change #xie lian #hualian #danmei #chinese bl

[zeninsama-moved]

wanted to write a lil something about big brother naoya... this is my first time writing anything kinda long in a WHILE so i'm proud of myself :') i needed the practice so be nice to me. who knew all it took was incest and piss LMAO also can u believe i used caps for this one <3

tw for incest and piss, themes of humiliation and degradation (mostly the situation, "slut" used once), female reader (she/her prns and petnames like "baby girl" used), naoya is his own warning and he's kind of a dick, maybe a little clan-relevant misogyny if you squint, fingering, naoya gets a boney but this isn't about him, not really proofread u get what u get, naoya has a shitty accent and it's inconsistent

word count: 2.5k

Half an hour into your big brother's tirade, you realize you really need to pee.

All your objections fall upon deaf ears, your big brother telling you to shut up, stay quiet, or fuckin' listen each time you interrupt his ranting to try to ask. It's pointless. So instead, you bow your head in submission, whimpering from the painful straining of your bladder.

Fuck, you need to go. You're not sure how much longer you can hold it, but it's not for you to decide. You know your brother – when he's this angry, he could keep berating you for at least another hour.

You interrupt him once more.

"Please, nii-sama, I've learned my lesson, okay? I'm sorry!"

Above you, Naoya scoffs, arms folding over his broad chest. “I don’t believe that for a fuckin’ second. First you humiliate me in front of the elders, now yer talkin' to me like I'm some kind of idiot? Is that what this is? You think yer better than me?"

It's been a while since you've seen Naoya this upset. Even with his short temper, your sister antics usually only leave him mildly annoyed. Your brother doesn't take it lightly when he feels embarrassed – even worse, undermined – and by his little sister of all people. His little baby of a sister that's meant to walk three steps behind him, bow her head, speak when spoken to. Yes, Naoya-sama. No, Naoya-sama.

"No, nii-sama," you're weeping shamelessly at his feet, your face hot and hands fisting at the skirt of your kimono, all while your bladder strains painfully. "Please, I'm sorry! It hurts, nii-sama, please let me go."

It's probably a matter of seconds now, maybe a minute at best. You're begging, silently praying to whatever Gods are listening that Naoya will take mercy on you and let you up, let you rush to the bathroom in a technique-imbued sprint so you can finally get a release from this pain. You'll even settle for pity at this point, because if you let go now, release your bladder right in front of your brother – all over the tatami, all over your kimono – you'll never hear the end of it.

Imagining the walk of shame to the nearest servant, forced to explain the mess you’ve made in the other room with a heated face and head bowed in shame – all while your big brother laughs – sends a chill through your body.

You don't notice your head fell until Naoya cradles your face, lifting it up to meet his gaze again. He's crouched to your height now, both face and touch uncharacteristically gentle when compared to... well, everything else about him. His palm is warm, yet rough from nearly three decades of back-breaking training and battle.

For a moment, you think you're lucky. Maybe Naoya is finally taking pity on you after seeing you tremble, your bottom lip quivering and eyes wet with tears as you plead for his mercy. After seeing you look weak in comparison to him.

"Hey," he coos, caressing your cheek with his thumb, wiping a tear and relishing in the way you keen into his touch. His baby sister. His sweet girl that's depended on him every day since birth, relying on her onii-sama to guide her. "You know I'm not doin' this to be mean, right? Yer just... gettin' too mouthy for yer own good."

"Naoya-nii," you whimper, voice breaking. "I can't hold it anymore, please."

"Yeah, you can," he sighs. "Dumb baby, just shut up a second and listen to me."

Another gentle hand rests on your shoulder. When Naoya holds you like this, it almost feels loving. He presses a kiss to your hairline, dampened with sweat from your body's exertion. You take a deep breath, trying to will the ache in your bladder to go away. For a moment, it does.

"If ya mouthed off to anyone else, they'd throw yer ass in the disciplinary pit, but not me. Is that why you do it? You know you can be a brat to me 'cause I won't beat yer ass about it? Tell me."

You nod shakily. "Yes, Naoya-nii."

"Look at me."

You do. Naoya's features look softer, kinder, more like the brother you love. The one that would gently push on your back to make you bow when you were young. The one that held your hand and snuck you out of the estate during the summer to show you the fireflies. The one that, despite threatening to leave yer ass out to dry when he catches you meddling in places you shouldn't, always takes the fall for it so you don't get punished.

But he can only do so much for you. For now, at least. When the old man inevitably bites it, making him the clan head, he'll be untouchable. Therefore you will be too.

The urge returns. How did you forget?

Naoya watches your eyes widen, your lips part in a stammer.

"Shh," he soothes, silencing whatever you're about to say with his finger over your lips, then replacing the digit with his own.

The kiss is soft, you try and distract yourself with the feeling of his lips, more assertive than yours, and his tongue softly prying you open. The hand on your shoulder ventures lower, smoothing over linen, fingers digging under your obi to loosen it in a practiced motion. Eventually, he accesses the ties to your kimono, loosening that as well until the fabric parts, exposing your body to him, ignoring your whimpers and pleas of protest.

It's not that you don't want him to touch you, because fuck, you really want him to touch you, you're aching for it. It's the throbbing pain inside that looms over your head in a constant reminder. You can't do this right now. If his fingers touch you, god forbid enter you, you're not sure you'll be able to hold it. The slightest amount of pressure and –

"Look at you," Naoya sighs, allowing himself to be swept up in lust. He kisses your cheek, your jaw, hair tickling your face as his lips trail down your neck and nip at the sensitive skin. "So fuckin' beautiful. My beautiful girl, aren't ya?"

Still, you're keening into his touch. The linen of your kimono hangs limp over your body, Naoya reaches underneath it and palms your breast, groaning silently against your skin. The hand cradling your face repositions, caressing your jaw before pushing two thick fingers past your lips, leaving you no choice but to accept them. You do it dutifully, allowing your brother to glide his fingers over your tongue, even hollowing your cheeks weakly around them.

Naoya takes and takes. It's no different when it comes to your body. The blood rushes to his cock, tenting the fabric of his hakama as it swells. His hands only get greedier, moans sounding more desperate as he gropes at your body, feeling your nipples harden under his palm, your skin so unbearably soft. He wants to sink his teeth in you, mark you in places only he has the privilege to see. He finds the warmth of your mouth so tempting, so inviting, he can't help but push his fingers deeper. You choke around his fingers, coating them in a rush of saliva.

"Open your legs," Naoya orders, hand now resting atop your thigh, both of them still clenched tightly together, attempting to push them apart. Your eyes widen in panic.

"Naoya-nii, I can't," you mutter, shaking your head frantically. "At least let me go first. I'll be fast, I promise–"

"Nah," Naoya teases, lips curling in a sharp grin. "Trained you to be a real good girl, didn't I? You can hold it a few more minutes."

"I can't!"

"You will."

Your body acts on its own, betraying your will and allowing your brother to manhandle you into a position he finds more acceptable. Your legs open so easily for him, giving him access to your now unclothed pussy. Spit-slick fingers rub over your folds, gathering the wetness there. You let out a shaky breath.

"After all, it would be real fuckin' embarrassing if you did," Naoya drawls, his voice always takes on this soft, condescending tone when he teases you. "If you pissed yourself, I mean."

Naoya kisses you again, this time skipping the pleasantries and parting your lips with his tongue, greedily licking against your own to taste the inside of his sister's mouth. You're overextending yourself, trying to focus on too many things at once to forget how dangerously close you are to pissing yourself, because if you were to let go right now, it would get all over your big brother's hand – and then you really wouldn't catch a break. So you try to focus on the softness of his tongue, on the pleasure of his fingers finding friction over your swollen clit.

"I don't wanna," you whimper, voice sounding like that of a petulant child. "Naoya-nii..."

"No?" He mocks, nearly grinning from ear to ear. "Don't wanna piss yourself like a dumb baby? Then don't."

One hand grips your hip to steady you, the fingers on his other finally breaching the tight entrance of your cunt. Your jaw drops, mouth hanging open in a moan. His fingers are thick. He always gives you two right off the bat, claiming he's being generous and prepping you for his dick instead of making you take it. It's funny, how he loves you like that.

His sweet baby sister, opening for him like a flower.

Pleasure sparks through your body as the heel of his palm grinds into your clit, providing the right amount of pressure in tandem with his prodding fingers. Your mouth hangs open, unmoving and pliant while his tongue licks into it, kissing the corner of your lips. The fullness of your bladder makes everything feel so much more sensitive, more responsive as your brother works his fingers and and out of your cunt, aided by your saliva and drooling arousal.

Knowingly, his fingers reposition and curve, finding that spot within you and targeting it with the pads of his fingers. It triggers what you've been fighting so hard to hold. For the first time since he started berating you, you move, hands clinging to his clothed forearm, clawing at it in desperation. Your body and mind are on two different pages, the little voice in your head still grounded in reality screaming for you to push him off. Maybe you could swing it with a desperate surge of cursed energy, but your hands urge his fingers deeper, keeping them pressed against that spot.

Naoya seems to like this, cock throbbing at the sight of you trying to get yourself off on his fingers. He can feel your pussy squeezing, sucking them deeper.

"Hey, you forget your fuckin' manners?" He reprimands, though the amused look on his face doesn't match his tone. He's getting off on this, the sick bastard. You know he is. "Gonna ask me first or were you just gonna keep humping my hand like some desperate slut?"

"Please, Naoya-nii," you blurt out, the tightly-wound coil inside you clenching tighter by the second.

"The fuck was that?"

"Nii-sama," you correct, pleading. It's so fucking close. "Nii-sama, please, can I cum?"

Naoya hums, pretending to think it over. His fingers plunge in and out of your cunt at a rapid pace, filling the small room with the obscene squelching of your arousal. Your hips move on their own, desperate to meet his pace, riding his thick fingers to chase the high. Maybe you have the restraint to hold it, let yourself cum on his fingers and still have enough time to rush to the bathroom before it takes a turn for the worse.

"Gonna pull that shit again?" He asks, pace not relenting. "Hm? Gonna lash out at me again like a spoiled brat when everyone can see you? Make me look like a fuckin' idiot?"

"No!"

"Yeah, better fuckin' not. Undermine me again and I'll kill ya. Now cum for me."

You don't need any further prompting. Your body goes lax, walls clamping snug around Naoya's fingers before releasing, soaking them in a hot rush of cum. He fucks you through it, not once stopping or slowing, narrow brown eyes watching your pussy coat his knuckles in a layer of milky white. "There's my good girl," he praises, soft but sweet, only ever meant for you to hear. "There's my good baby girl, that's it, let me have it."

It hits you for the last time before your orgasm even finishes, the relaxing of your muscles. You physically can't hold it back anymore, even if you could, it's far too late.

There's another surge of warmth, the wet sloshing of another liquid streaming from your spread legs and making a mess on your brother's hand, soaking the sleeve of his haori, soaking the tatami, trickling down your inner thighs in clear rivulets. Naoya's jaw drops, eyes widening at the sight. Even then, he can't fucking stop.

"What did I say, huh? Didn't I tell you to hold it?" His fingers press harder at your inner walls, ramping up the pace, desperate to fuck every last drop from you as his cock throbs under his hakama. "You're that incapable, can't even hold your own piss?"

You're fucking horrified.

"I'm sorry, nii-sama!" you sob. "I didn't mean to, I promise!"

"Yeah, yeah," he sneers. "Go on then, let it out."

With no other option, you resign yourself. Your body slumps forward onto Naoya's broader frame, shuddering, the urine releasing in pulsating gushes along with your orgasm, further soaking everything else. Hand, haori, tatami, even the linen of your kimono pooled underneath you. Your body is overwhelmed. Your face burns hotter, eyes drooping in exhaustion and relief. Blood rushes in your ears, heart pounding loud enough, you're certain Naoya can hear it.

The room spins.

Naoya's opposite hand rubs your back in a rare act of affection. It feels different from pity. He kisses the top of your head, then your shoulder, allowing you to come down slowly.

As the rushing of blood quiets, you're too ashamed to pull your face from the crook of his neck.

"Kid, look at me."

"Don' wanna."

"Come on."

Sniffling, you force yourself upright, still kneeling on your jello legs.

Still kneeling on the cold, soaked garments. Gross.

Naoya cradles your feverish cheek. You look cute like this, lips pouted, face absolutely debauched. His heart swells in his chest.

"I'm sorry, nii-sama."

"You kidding me?" He laughs under his breath. "You know how hot that fuckin' was? Almost came in my pants 'cause of you. Wanna see you do that shit again for me."

Embarrassed, you scoff and look away, but your brother redirects you, kissing you once more – chaste, but gentle. Reassuring.

After that, he leans back and starts undressing from the waist up, shrugging off his haori, working on his kimono, all until the soiled garments sit in a heap.

"Now go get someone to clean this shit up."

"Me?" You ask, incredulous, looking down at your disheveled form – still soaked, might you add. "Can't you go find someone to do it?"

"I wasn't the one that pissed myself, little sis. Now get out of here."

#tw piss #tw incest #tw humiliation #drops this and runs #this was good practice #not putting this shit in the tags lmaoooo #mercury writes

[shellxrls]

babe r u okay we haven’t seen you for ages :/

SORRY NONNIE. i feel like i shld do a clarification post cuz i've gotten a few asks and i feel kinda bad for leaving u guys in the dark 😭. i've just been putting this off cuz i've been tired and stressed coupled with other reasons (that i'll explain) that make me not want to publicly interact on this blog:

recently i've noticed such a large uprise in hate on this app (ranging from pro-israel/anti-palestine posts to mutuals outside of my fandoms being called aggressive slurs to ppl within the obx fandom consistently expressing opinions of dislike and resentment to authors for simply writing what they want) - also largely made up of anon asks with the foundation of racial or sexuality based hate (which i won't go into depth ab but ppl definitely pick and choose who to send hate to based on those factors - pisses me the fuck off more than anything bcuz i don't come on this app to be bombarded with racism and reminders of my racial perception in this world, regardless of whether its directed at me or mutuals).

another thing, (which ik has been said forever but continues to remain important), the lack of support and interaction for/with writers on this app is definitely very discouraging. i no longer feel supported by the community i've created and the truth is i need that interaction to keep writing and engage my motivation otherwise i feel like what i'm doing on this app is pointless.

no one logs onto this app to listen to me rant ab personal issues, and so i wont' go into extensive detail - but i've consistently used tumblr to escape my personal life, and the burdens and stress that come with. ofc i'm a writer, but wayyy beyond that this is intended to be my safe space where i can enjoy and simply be myself and let go of personal stress as well as interact happily w like-minded ppl. due to this, i've made an effort to take time out of my own life and duties to write and to interact because of the community. recently however i find myself more and more anxious to even open the app and look at my notifs, and whenever i do open the app i make myself feel bad by comparing myself to other writers - which is completely normal occasionally, but at this point its not as easy to shake considering all the factors listed above. its unfortunate to say but it simply hasn't felt worth it to be on this app and interact for while now for me.

before anyone says i'm being too sensitive or its my sole purpose to write - pls remember that this is entirely my blog, i can choose what my motivations are for being on this app and its not a stretch to kindly ask for more in terms of stopping hate and simply being more supportive if u do genuinely like an author and their works.

ultimately i've been both a fan/reader and a writer on this app for multiple years atp, i can understand both perspectives but i've honestly never felt this disconnected and upset ab a blog before. I understand that not everyone is to blame, and i'm sorry to those who've been kind & active supporters, but my public interactions have been limited and may continue to be bcuz i feel v unsure & stagnant atm.

the only 'exception' to this is my mutuals, i love them all obv and their works, & so i'm continuing to interact w them as per normal, and so i am active on the app & i'm definitely not entirely gone by any means. if anything i just need a few more days to reconsider, but we'll see.

#sorry this is kinda inconclusive but i'm just feeling overwhelmed #i feel like not many ppl care but . i feel bad for just Ghosting #and my personal life makes me so beyond suicidal every single DAY but thats a separate issues sorry #(maybe it has a little to do w this but still. let’s ignore) #asks.ᐟ ⋆｡˚𖦹 #;anon #;chatting

[beaft]

Hi and sorry in advance for using this as an excuse to rant a bit about Good omens 2! I feel the same, I binged it with my girlfriend and at the end we just sat in silence for a minute and then went "...what the fuck was that." It was so incredibly poorly written and plotted in many aspects, though I understand that if one doesn't love dissecting stories piece by piece to analyse it from all possible angles it could be hard to understand why some people are saying it's bad. I feel like it's comparable to a house that looks pretty but is build on really shitty foundations and has a lot of structural issues. Most people can't see anything wrong with it and find it good, but the people who know how those things are built can immediately see all the glaring issues under the surface.

In short, in my opinion a lot of this season's short comings hinge on it's complete lack of thematic coherence and structure, completely ignoring or even discarding what was at the heart of the original story. This season was a disjointed jumble of scenes and concepts that only superficially lead to other scenes that within the bigger picture had no weight at all, plot or thematic-wise. Once you start thinking back to some of the plot threads the show established to move the story forward it's almost ridiculous how little they actually meant for the conclusion. And I don't mean stuff that 'might be resolved in the third season'! Creating a miracle to keep Gabriel hidden from everyone? He could've hid in a closet and it would've had the same effect for the plot. Muriel being set to keep an eye on Aziraphale and Crowley? Nothing, no consequences, in fact Aziraphale fucks off on his investigation right after, which, by the way, served no purpose than to give us some exposition that in the end got re-iterated to us during Gabriel's flashbacks. He doesn't actually figure anything out in a way that impacts the story lol. Even the whole "we have to make these two women fall in love so that Heaven believes us!" is kind of just forgotten by the end of the story, and nobody holds them accountable to their claim. The character of Jim is completely non-existent for half of the season and has no emotional arc or impact as a character on Aziraphale and Crowley - he could've been a magical cardboard cutout that spouts funny lines every now and then. There were so many set-ups within this season itself that had completely lackluster or non-existing pay-offs it's actually kind of ridiculous.

So many of the things people list or write about when talking about this season are there in concept, but they're not acted upon in the writing. A prime example of this is the Aziraphale/Crowley and Nina/Maggie parallels that people are pointing out - but within the season's current day scenes there isn't any romantic or emotional development between Aziraphale and Crowley, and the story doesn't center itself around that parallel or development. The only scene I could think of that even remotely does something with that is the Jane Austen dancing scene - except where Nina and Maggie have a conversation about what is going on right in that moment and how they're feeling, Aziraphale and Crowley are as good as emotionally dead and then the scene already ends.

If you start breaking down the plot elements it could've been made so, so SO much more tight-knit and coherent by focusing on what was important - ergo the character's relationships now and the bigger plot beats. As much as I loved the flashbacks in season 1, in this season they merely serve to tell us what we already know about Aziraphale's and Crowley's relationship and to add some superficial and pointless context to the different locations Aziraphale visits. Another thing I think is a big difference between this season and the original story is that every character, every concept had a Point to it, usually a joke or some sort of funny commentary (whether it was good/actually funny is another thing entirely). That's what made it feel interesting and sharp, whereas the new characters in this season just kind of... are. If you break down the concepts to their bare essence, coffeeshop owner in a toxic relationship and record shop owner who has anxiety are pretty bland as character concepts go. Shax as a character is also just so... pointless lmfao. It's almost badly caricaturing the concept of Gomens demons, which are already caricatures, so the effect is somewhat reminicent of beating a dead horse long after it has died. Anyway, so sorry to clutter your inbox like this but I just needed to get this off my chest. It's so weird seeing the dissonance between what is textually there in the show and how people are reacting to it!

hi! i hope you don't mind but i'm posting this publicly because tbh you really hit the nail on the head with every single one of these points. the whole season felt like this:

over and over again a potentially interesting plotline would get introduced, and then the writers would kind of just. forget why it was there? best example is, as you say, the nina/maggie thing - originally it began as a cover story to explain away the Forbidden Miracle, but that quickly ceased to be relevant, and the "we need to make them fall in love to get heaven off our backs" became a half-hearted running gag that was returned to every now and again with increasing half-heartedness. no sense of forward planning, no callbacks or consequences, just the constant sense of frantic improvisation without an end in sight.

#good omens #good omens spoilers #long post

[thediamondarcher]

Becky rant

don't mind me if i

I feel like the main reason why Becky's character is very shallowly seen by the readers is because even though there're many ways of interpreting a character, osemanverse fans are used to read the progression of a character in just one book; as an example there's Charlie who had a major change in his personality from vol 1 to vol 4/5 and even though Heartstopper is Alice's most famous project, I don't see anyone mentioning the progress Charlie had between volumes. Redemption arcs are usually given with some time in between because there is no point of giving a character a golden star just because they changed in like one week, it'll be unrealistic if it was that way because no one changes that fast, not even in fiction. Becky had a major change of personality that also came with the fact that we were able to see what she thinks of past actions she did, she knows what she did and she knows it was wrong and she is sorry about that but if you interpreted her character correctly you'll see she isn't the kind of person who expresses things with words (unless she's drunk yk). Her character is very shallowly seen and it doesn't allow her to have the redemption she deserves, even though we had the opportunity to see what her brain is like there are still people who completely misunderstood Party Girls from her point of view. The fact that a character takes their time to accept what they did isn't evil, it isn't wrong and it isn't pointless, it's realistic

#becky allen #solitaire #solitaire alice oseman #osemanverse

[yellow-yarrow]

I didn't finish Carol vs The World because it lost me with how we never get to see Carol question why she finds comfort in a deeply pointless job or address what that means. I wanted to like the show because it has a middle aged cast of characters that look realistically ordinary too.

I watched like 3 episodes and then went and read the synopsis of the other episodes, watched a video summarizing the season and read reviews.

I really liked the character and background design, the characters themselves are okay, but I can't get past the world building or the weird takeaway it has.

I can't say this any other way: I think the creators of this show can't imagine how people would exist outside of capitalism. Characters have two choices: to live the rest of their life in an individualistic hedonistic way, or to continue with their boring jobs. This is not different at all from how people in capitalism live. It makes me feel like the writers think people do these boring jobs because they find comfort in them, or that they don't know what they want from life, and they need a "distraction" from that. (I can imagine that there are people who are content with doing a job like this, but not for these reasons) I feel like writers often use this trope condescendingly. People don't do boring office jobs because they lack motivation and fantasy, it's because they need money to live and most jobs suck.

I think Carol's problem is not that she is a simple person who doesn't want much, but that she is lonely. And the show does say that in the end it's the bond between people that is important, and to enjoy everyday little moments, but if instead of idk, Carol talking to her neighbors they make a point out of showing that these characters enjoy doing pointless work for a faceless corporation. If the job supposed to symbolize a simpler life, well. i don't like that

there could have been some kind of critique of society here! but instead the show goes "if you are depressed and you don't find fulfillment in superficial hedonism that you are told you should enjoy, the alternative is that you can do pointless tasks while becoming friends with your coworkers :)" like what. sure i'll happily slave away my life for a corporation, not even knowing why, and i'll be happy about it. I don't think the idea that work could be fulfilling, for example that they could be doing something for other people's comfort or happiness ever comes up. most characters including Carol act selfishly. why did she fail to find friends up until the point of working in that office. i think this show is fake deep. sorry for the rant I just feel like there is wasted potential here

#its capitalist realism again what do you mean the military still functions but nobody sweeps the streets!!! that is horrifying!!!! #and unrealistic!! #dont even get me started on how alienated you have to be to forget how fresh fruit gets to the grocery story. it takes work #the military is there to keep people from hoarding food i guess? but no one is preventing drunk driving? #there are no cops and people are not violent why would they hoard? #is everyone in this universe nice but selfish? this is the only explanation #carol and the end of the world

[arvadthecursed]

CW for animal abuse? Sort of? I honestly don't know. It happened like 18 years ago. My parents are shocked I'm upset and I feel like I'm going crazy. It's been a couple days and I keep thinking about it.

Okay so for context. When I was in 1st grade, I had two mice, Tom and Jerry. Jerry bit my dad through the finger one day so my dad set him outside, where a colony of feral cats lived. This I knew about.

A few days after Jerry was let outside, I came home from school and Tom was missing. My dad told me that Tom had gotten out of his cage and while he'd tried to look for him, he couldn't find him. I was devastated, but I got over it, as kids do.

Me, my mom, and my dad were sitting on the couch after my graduation dinner. My dad let slip that Tom didn't escape his cage. My dad took him outside and let him loose like he did with Jerry. I asked him why and he wouldn't tell me. I guess he just wanted to get rid of my other mouse. I was shocked and upset, and my parents were like "Why are you so mad??"

After my dad went to bed, I asked my mom if she knew. She literally said "I refuse to comment." So I'm assuming she knew and agreed with him to do this. Tom didn't even do anything.

It's like. Okay. My cat Stitch, the one I mentioned who had peed in the sink and my mom got rid of her. That still makes me sad but I barely remember Stitch because I was so little. But to know they did it AGAIN with my mice?? I don't even know what to say.

And now I'm worried all over again if they try and take Stella upstairs. If her and Junebug get into it, and she makes a mess/has an accident because STRESS TRIGGERS HER LITTER BOX ISSUES, I'm afraid they'll just blame her and not acknowledge that they purposefully stressed her out by taking her upstairs. But I think they know I'll fight tooth and nail for Stella. I'm an adult now, and she's my fucking cat.

I just. I don't know. I feel at a loss for words. My stuff is always up for getting rid of. In high school, I liked to dress up and wear bows in my hair. My mom forced me to through all my bows away because they were "childish." When I went to college at 18, they went through my clothes and got rid of all my skirts because I should "dress like a grown up." And now, twenty years later, I know they got rid of my pets. I am honestly really hurt. It feels so silly to be upset because it was almost twenty years ago but they're acting like it's some silly quirky story and not them letting my mice loose to be eaten by the feral cats next door.

They've never done this with my sister's stuff. I don't know what I did.

I have to act happy and like nothing is wrong but honestly my weekend has been kind of ruined. I have slept a lot and avoided direct convos with my parents as much as I can. I went on a walk and sat outside on the porch to watch the rain bc I just feel so sad. But I've gotta get over it because I have my boards on the 29th and tomorrow I've gotta start studying.

I feel very sad and overwhelmed. Thanks for reading. Sorry for the big long pointless rant.

#vent

[wikiangela]

you're the one I want

the sneak peek and all the spec on the dash got me thinking and suddenly this happened

so here's a short fic with our soft boys in the secret relationship era lol

Words: 1.4k

[read on Ao3]

“You know there’s only one person I’m interested in.” “And who might that be?” Buck leans back against the counter with a goofy grin, and Eddie wants to just go over there and kiss him. “Just my best friend I’m kind of hopelessly in love with.” Eddie shrugs, and enjoys seeing how Buck’s whole face gets red. OR, no one knows that Eddie and Buck are dating, Pepa tries to set Eddie up on dates, and Buck finds it amusing.

Eddie comes home to the TV quietly playing in the living room, and faint sounds of someone moving around the kitchen. A wide smile immediately pulls at his lips, as he takes his suit jacket off and walks towards the noise. He’s met with the sight of Buck putting clean dishes away in the cupboards, as the leftovers from dinner he made for himself and Chris sit in tupperware containers on the counter, waiting to be put in the fridge.

He doesn’t seem to notice Eddie at first, and Eddie allows himself to just look at how comfortable Buck seems here, how he’s so familiar with Eddie’s kitchen, like he belongs here. He’s wearing one of Eddie’s sweaters, and his hair is free of any product, curls looking so soft Eddie’s hand itches to run his hand through them. He just looks so soft and at home, and Eddie wants him to stay here forever.

“Shit, Eddie.” Buck hisses as he turns around and almost drops a plate when he notices Eddie. “You scared me.” he chuckles, then puts the plate in its place in the cupboard. 

“Sorry.” he says, still smiling, leaning against the door frame. “Chris in bed already?”

“In bed, but probably still awake. He has some thoughts about when his bedtime is.” Buck says with such a fond and loving smile, while Eddie just chuckles and shakes his head.

“Of course he does.”

“You’re home early.” Buck notices, glancing at the clock. And judging by him just now cleaning and putting food away, he and Chris must’ve eaten quite recently. And, well, Eddie’s not surprised Buck wasn’t expecting him home this early, because he thought he’d be a bit later, too. “Bad date?” he raises his eyebrow.

“Yeah, well, turns out she wasn’t all that interested, either.” he shrugs, and when his eyes meet Buck’s, they’re both smiling.

“Oh, you weren’t interested?” Buck asks, mock-surprised and teasing. “That’s the first I’m hearing about this, why didn’t you say anything?” he’s grinning with amusement, because, well, Eddie might’ve spent the last few days ranting about how much he didn’t want to go on this date, or any previous ones, but couldn’t find a good enough excuse to dissuade Pepa from trying to set him up.

“Oh, shut up.” Eddie laughs and rolls his eyes, but it’s more fond than anything else. “You know there’s only one person I’m interested in.”

“And who might that be?” Buck leans back against the counter with a goofy grin, and Eddie wants to just go over there and kiss him.

“Just my best friend I’m kind of hopelessly in love with.” Eddie shrugs, and enjoys seeing how Buck’s whole face gets red. It’s been a few weeks since it happened, since he and Buck kissed for the first time, after Eddie took him to that poker game, and then they had a very long and emotional conversation. And, well, now they’re together, dating each other, and it still feels so surreal sometimes, Eddie has to pinch himself to make sure he’s not dreaming. The only thing is, this relationship is very fresh and new, and they want to keep it to themselves for just a little bit, really see where it’s going – as if they both weren’t a hundred percent sure it’s leading to forever. But they’re not ready to tell anyone yet, aside from Christopher, of course, who’s the only person who knows. Which is why Eddie’s stuck to go on pointless dates with the women his aunt is trying to set him up with.

“Well, that’s one lucky guy.” Buck comments, still blushing adorably. Eddie can’t take the distance anymore, and takes the few steps between them to lean in and kiss Buck, just a sweet, chaste brush of lips, as they both can’t stop smiling.

“I think I’m the lucky one.” he whispers, pulling away, looking at Buck’s awed expression, as if he’s also not quite believing it’s real. Then, he moves away and walks over to the tupperware containers. “What did you make? I’m starving.”

“Was your date really so disinterested you couldn’t even have dinner?” Buck asks, tone teasing, and Eddie can feel his eyes on him, as he opens the containers and is met with a delicious smell of a still slightly warm meal. “I don’t know how anyone can take a look at you and not be interested.” he adds, genuine wonder and shock in his voice, and it’s Eddie’s turn to blush.

“Well, she wasn’t, so we didn’t, we just had a drink while getting our stories straight for our tías’ interrogations.” he laughs, looking back at Buck, who still seems amused. It still baffles Eddie how he’s so okay with him going on those dates, while Eddie’s very close to just telling everyone that they’re dating. Though keeping it a secret, private, just between them for now is not only a little thrilling, but also it gives them time to just be together in this little bubble, and, selfishly, Eddie wants to keep Buck and his love just to himself for a little while longer. “Pass me a plate?” he adds, and Buck reaches back to the cupboard, and gives Eddie a plate, that he starts putting the meal onto.

“Was she nice, at least?”

“Yeah, really nice.” he answers distractedly, his stomach grumbling and just now letting him know how hungry he is. “But still didn’t beat around the bush, just straight up told me she’s not interested, so we didn’t have to pretend to let each other down easy, or anything.” he adds, taking the first bite and humming appreciatively – he fucking loves Buck’s cooking. “I appreciated that, because I could get back home to you quicker.” he smiles.

“So this date also didn’t change your mind about me?” Buck chuckles, but Eddie can see he’s only half-joking. And Eddie knows that Buck’s not jealous or threatened, or anything, and he mostly just loves making fun of Eddie while he complains about the dates – but there are those moments, have been since even before Pepa suggested that first date a few days ago, where Buck gets like this. Eddie puts the plate on the counter, and takes a step towards his boyfriend.

“Buck.” Eddie takes his face into his hands. “Nothing can ever change my mind about you. You’re the one I want, alright? You’re my person, and I love you so much.” he says with determination, seeing Buck’s eyes soften.

“I know that. I love you, too. I guess I’m just- I don’t know.” he shrugs and laughs quietly. “I’m being ridiculous. It’s just that sometimes it seems too good to be true.” he sighs, his arms wrapping around Eddie’s waist, as he leans his forehead against Eddie’s.

“I know what you mean.” Eddie chuckles, thumbs caressing Buck’s cheeks gently. “But there’s nothing you ever have to worry about. You have me, forever. And-” he hesitates. “And as much as I’d like to keep this, and you, just to myself, maybe we should start telling people.” his heart thumps a little harder, in excitement but also a bit anxiousness. Because once they start telling people, it’ll be official, and it’ll get out of the comfort of home, and Eddie feels a little vulnerable, letting everyone see his heart so clearly. “Just a warning: if we tell Pepa, my whole family will know within an hour, so make sure you’re ready for a lot of introductions and interrogation very soon.” he laughs, then pulls away enough to leave a kiss on Buck’s forehead, then his lips. “What do you say?”

“I say…” Buck looks him in the eyes with a gorgeous smile. “As funny as your annoyance with the dates has been, I kinda don’t wanna share you anymore, even if those weren’t real dates.” he admits, and Eddie chuckles, and kisses him again. 

“Alright. Then we’re telling people.” he’s grinning so wide his cheeks hurt, and, well, maybe he’s more excited about that than he expected. 

He pulls away from Buck, about to get back to eating, when Buck snatches the plate from his hand and goes towards the microwave.

“Let me heat it up for you, and you could go check if Chris is still up.” he says, glancing at the clock again, and, well, it is getting late. And Eddie’s heart melts, seeing how truly comfortable Buck is being here, being at his house, being Chris’ parent, and Eddie’s partner. 

Suddenly, he’s very excited to tell people, because when he asks Buck to move in, he imagines everyone will be confused if they don’t have the full picture. And, well, he’s planning on asking that very soon.

_____

Tag list (if you want to be added pls interact with this post): @idealuk @thebravebitch @this-is-moony-lovegood

#911 6x14 #911 spoilers #911 fic #buddie #buddie fic #wikiangela writes #my writing #buck x eddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie oneshot #oneshot #ficlet #buddie ficlet #idek some parts of it seem forced bc I came up with a few lines that I wrote down earlier and tried to fit them all in lmao

[transfemsly]

ugh whenever i see your posts (or just any sparklecrit really) i feel really bad and stuff, esp since most the stuff you say is accurate. like i especially feel icky about the stuff where it's almost like making kneeby out to be a bad person. idk if that's ever been your intent but like ugh. i don't wanna block you cus you are one of the cooler sparklecrit blogs out there (like you have kneeby blocked just so squeak won't see these posts) but like idk.

i just wish i wouldn't be made to feel wrong about my enjoyment of sparklecare every time i see a sparklecrit post. esp since a lot of people making sparklecrit posts are themselves fans

sorry for putting this pointless rant in your inbox

i would be like nice and shit over this but im saying this now: i literally dont give a shit what you think. i intentionally am straightforward in my posts but in a way that isnt bitchy, but i wont lie in my posts what i think about kneeby and her media.

i love kneebys work, its great, its my special interest, but i still have a lot of strong feelings over her work. it needs work itself. if you have such mixed feelings over me being correcf, then block me. i promise, i literally do not give a shit at all.

i dont say this with mean intent, its just that im not gonna let people bitch and whine over me being right in my inbox. i get it, its kind of upsetting that sparklecritic blogs are right, but it doesnt give you right to be upset that your favorite media isnt all sunshines and rainbows.

even then, i try to lay off on being so harsh especially on things like artstyle and stuff like that. i give myself a boundary that i know tends to make people angry because i said something we know is all right. at least in my head.

i still allow for people to disagree to me, and i dont take it poorly.

however, taking into account you want to block me over pointing out kneebys actions are quite literally making her a bad person, just outright block me now. i dont like kneeby kitself that much because i am firm on the fact that peoples works reflect their true ideologies. you can tell me that not true, but that is the one thing i dont and will never think that it isnt true.

actually, its not her media, its literally how she treats her characters like reasons to make fun of groups of people, especially mentally ill people. so.

also, you mention how sparklecritic blogs make you feel "icky" over your favorite media being constructively criticized. uhhhmmm. saying this as nice as i can. you shouldnt feel that way. you NEED to be critical of media in general, and not feel pity for it. all media has flaws. you shouldnt be pitiful of media needing constructive criticism. i still love sparklecare despite me literally criticizing it. i dont feel bad about loving it while nitpicking its issues. i know that feels very rude to say and thats also cause im very apathetic, but...you shouldnt really get pissy over media needing constructive criticism...

#tfemsly #transfemsly #sparklecare #sparklecare hospital #sparklecare criticism #sparklecriticism #sparklecare discourse #discourse

[prettylucifherr]

Man, whatever these anons are smoking tonight, they need to stop. How many people someone's been with is completely unimportant. Like what's with the "how dare you have a life before me!" attitude. I don't understand why it matters so much. They're with you, and you get all the amazing things that come with that. Why be so obsessed with someone else's dick when you get to spend your life exploring all the ways you can make her feel loved? This truly baffles me!

Calling girls who don't have a lot of experience boring, is basically just saying you don't care about your partner and you suck at communication. Intimacy is about learning and exploring each other. That's literally one of the best parts of it.

Also it's wrong if women have been with too many people and it's wrong if they haven't been with a lot of people. What!? Are they supposed to be virgins with the skills of a pornstar?? Is that it?

I'm sorry for ranting in your inbox but I think I'm getting a new grey hair for every ask.

This all said though, I love your replies to them so much. You truly handle them in such a graceful and eloquent way, which is very admirable. You really hand their asses to them with kindness and respect. I think that speaks volumes of who you are as a person and you've become a little favourite of mine on here because of how you carry yourself and treat others. 💙

YES! Exactly!

Don’t fuck too many people but make sure you fuck enough to do it good???

I’m so sick of having standards put on us for how men expect us to behave.

Put in effort with your looks, but ugh make up is gross I like girls who look natural.

Don’t dress like a prude but don’t dress like a slut either.

You should smile more, why did you smile at him so much? Were you flirting with him?

Those are their expectations, not mine. So messaging me is pointless because my blog is literally sexual in nature.. what did they expect to find? A christian abstinence book club?