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callsign-datura · 2 months

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quit talking.

frustrated simon "ghost" riley x fem!reader warnings: smut, obviously. mentions of putting a muzzle on you, not dealing with feelings, unprotected sex, bro is def a tits man (he sucks on em), oral sex (f recieving), light choking, creampieee a/n: 1k? how the hell?? thank you! :)

If there's one thing you know how to do, it's piss Ghost off. It's not really fun to you, it's more of a competitive thing. He's been in this line of work for much longer than you have, but you've been in it for long enough that you should be treated like a valuable ally than an untrained soldier, or a rookie. But for Ghost, that nickname has stuck. "C'mon, rookie, get your head straight."

"Eyes up here, rookie."

"Are you listenin', rookie?"

Your blood boils every time the word slips from his mouth. Every time he does it, you keep yourself from snapping at him. You put a smile on and follow his directions.

But sometimes it isn't so easy.

He orders you around, and tells you what to do; like a lieutenant should. Yet for some reason, you feel your chest tighten when he gives you an order. You know damn well it's a personal issue. Probably some feelings you haven't dealt with yet that you aren't ready to deal with. But you butt heads. You can tell that your defiance pisses him off and the flicker in his eyes makes something in your heart surge; something you tell yourself is satisfaction. Recently, it's been worse... maybe it was the mission last month where you were stuck in a closet together and he couldn't keep his hands to himself, or the fact he acted like it didn't even happen after. Probably both.

---------------------- "Rookie."

That damn nickname again. You snap quickly, against your better judgment; but he can't blame you. It's been a hard day of biting your tongue. "How long have I been on this team, sir?" "Not long enough to be givin' me so much attitude." He snaps back just as quickly, and usually it'd be enough to extinguish that fire, but today, it's not.

"It's been two years." "Two years of you talking' like you've known us for ten. Sorry to burst your bubble," he barks, turning his body to you as you recognize that look in his eye that you shouldn't be messing with him today. "You haven't. I'll keep callin' you 'rookie' until you get that in your head." His arms hang at his sides, his fists idly clenching and releasing as he steps towards you. "You got a problem with that?" Your eyebrows knit together and you tilted your head back as he gets close, his upper body curling to lean over yours and stare you down. Cold, brown eyes staring into yours; something that would normally give you chills. But not today. "Yes, actually, I do. I'm not a rookie anymore, I've been working with you long enough to the point I should have earned the respect I deserve." The words are slipping out. You realize how stupid it sounds and how you should have just been quiet and stopped fighting, but it feels good to get it off your chest. So you keep talking. "I'm a valuable asset to the team. I'm a good medic, a good ground unit, I'm damn good with a knife and I have good survival skills. I think those are grounds for respect from my lieutenant. Everyone else treats me well, but you." He rolls his eyes so strongly that you think it probably hurts. "You wanna know why they treat you well, rookie?" He retorts, his voice low and husky and raspy. His face is inches from yours and your senses are flooded with him; it's almost enough to get you to forget about why you were fighting in the first place. "It's 'cause everyone else knows that bein' nice to you and lettin' you act like a proper twat is better than tryin' to discipline you. You act like a child and they let you because you're too damn stubborn to get through to." The words piss you off again, and you open your mouth to respond, yet nothing comes out. "Don't." He warns. "This is ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? I just want to be respected." "Nobody gives you shit anymore, rookie, but me. It sounds like you're mad that I'm the only person who gives you shit and doesn't let you get off easy."

"Because it's bullshit-" "I only give you shit when you're actin' like this." The glimmer in his eyes changes, and it becomes something you can't entirely put your finger on. "I only give you shit when you're yowlin' about 'not being respected' when you know damn well you are, you're just angry that I'm mean to you." "'Cause you are!"

"I am because I know that's the only way you listen." He says, his voice returning to something stable. "It's like you hate me."

Oh. His eyes flare again, this time with recognition. "That's what this is about? You think I hate you?"

"Well, sometimes..." Your voice lowers and you avoid eye contact with him, trying to focus on anything but the monster of a man in your proximity. "Sometimes it feels like it."

"Really? And that's why you're constantly puttin' up such a fight with me? 'Cause you think I hate you?" His voice turns... amused. Jesus Christ, he's enjoying this. "Yes, and--" You try to retort, but you can't think of anything. Your mind blanks. "And..." Embarrassment burns hot on your cheeks and you shut your eyes. He chuckles quietly. "That's fucked, sweetheart. You're not gonna believe me, even if I talk till I'm blue,"

"As if I could see." You snap, looking away. "...N' even if I talk, you'll interrupt me." He chuckles again. His voice tenses a little as if he's irritated. He grabs your hand and starts leading you somewhere and you start talking again. "I don't know where you get off on being rude like that." He laughs, in disbelief. "I could ask you the same thing." "You haven't said anything to me about that mission," you begin. Your voice is shaky. These are untrod waters, but you want an answer. "Not a damn thing. Not a text, hell, you barely look me in the eyes." "Mm." He responds, his voice higher-pitched, once again with recognition. "So it's that, too." He glances back at you, and you barely even realize where he's leading you until he pushes open the door to his quarters and pushes you inside, stepping in too, and shutting the door behind him. "You're mad about that? That we haven't talked about that?" You open your mouth, but the surprise doesn't let you say anything. So you nod, looking around the room. It's bland. Very... Ghost. "I haven't said anythin' to you about it 'cause even thinkin' about it makes it difficult for me to see you in a professional light." He pauses. "It shouldn't have happened. If anyone finds out, it'd be me taking advantage of you,"

"That wasn't what happened, though. I was asking you--" "Quit." He snaps, his hand coming up to cup your chin and hold your jaw, urging you to stay quiet. "Quit interruptin' me, fuck. You talk a lot, you know that?" His other hand goes to the zipper of your jacket, pulling at it and unzipping it. Your eyes flicker down to watch his hand, and you stay quiet.

He chuckles again and shakes his head, his eyes wide with disbelief and amusement... some mix of the two. "Now you're quiet. When you're gettin' what you want. Dunno what I expected." He lets go of your jaw and pulls your jacket off, tossing it to the side and turning both of you, backing you up against the door.

"I don't hate you... Quite the opposite." He murmurs, his voice softening. You watch as his thumb hooks into the bottom of his mask, pulling it over his nose as he leans in and puts his other hand on your waist. He goes for your neck, and you tilt your head instinctively. More than happy to obey. "It's jus' the fact that this is entirely unethical. No matter how we put it... it's unethical." He kisses the flesh of your neck, lips dancing along the softness there, testing for any sweet spots. He nips when he feels you tremble. "...Now that isn't to say I didn't enjoy it... 'cause I did. I dream about it, pet," his voice shakes and his grip on you tightens. "Fuckin' dream about it."

The vulnerability at this moment makes your body heat up. Warmth is building in your lower stomach, and a soft noise leaves your lips as you tilt your head back against the door. Your back arches as his breath ghosts your neck.

"Dream about you... n' this body, n' your voice, and your whimpers. I look at you, and I remember." He starts kissing your neck again. They're rough, and his breath is hot. You tremble again as his lips travel down, stopping at your collar as he reaches and slips the strap of your undershirt off your shoulder, and kisses the span of flesh that's been uncovered. Tongue darting out, following the contour of your collarbone, teasingly; leaving tingles in its wake that send heat straight to your cunt. "Makes it so goddamn hard to treat you like you're my teammate and not a person who haunts my dreams."

Another noise leaves your lips, and his hands slide up your sides, bringing the fabric of your undershirt with it. You lift your arms to let him, and you lock eyes for a moment. His are sparkling with lust, and he chuckles before his hands travel up your back to unclasp your bra. He pulls it from your body and drops it to the side, and his lips are on your flesh again. He nips at certain spots, nibbling gently and sucking deep marks into the flesh. His kisses go from your collarbone to your breast, and his lips close around your nipple. Your body tenses and goosebumps prickle over the flesh of your chest, and you tilt your head back again, legs pressing together as his hands rub up and down your sides soothingly. His tongue laves over it, sending tingles of pleasure through you as your eyes flutter shut and he grunts against you. His teeth nip at it gently before he releases it, switching sides. His hands slip down your sides and move to your pants, undoing the button of your jeans and tugging them and your panties down around your legs, detaching from your nipple to do so.

His gaze is immediately dragged to your cunt, and he hums low in his throat before he looks up at you. "C'mon, dove. Give me a taste, mm?" He asks, teasingly; but meaning the question entirely. Your expression twists in embarrassment, but your desire for him overrides any hesitation. And you nod. One of his hands cups the underside of your leg, lifting it up and to the side as he litters kisses along the inside of it. Having him so close to you makes your entire body shudder and a moan leaves your lips, your hand coming down to cup his head as you watch him. It's a lewd sight, but the view makes you tingle. He bites down lightly and a whine leaves your lips as you lightly swat his head. He chuckles in response and looks up at you, pulling away from your thigh to litter kisses over your cunt. You're wet enough to the point he can fucking see it; and your face flushes a bit more in embarrassment and you tilt your head back. You shudder, tilting your hips forward and chasing a bit more friction... and he delivers. His tongue darts out, dragging up between your labia to catch your clit. Your body shudders and you give a sharp whine. The feeling is electric, and you already feel something building in your stomach, yet you try to suppress it in turn for just feeling the sensation. His other hand comes up and his thumb pulls at the flesh, lightly spreading you out for his convenience, his lips closing around your clit as he grunts and the vibration of it turns into straight heat and makes you twitch. He sucks gently and you mewl, your hips shifting away from the unfamiliar sensation, forcing him to detach before he pulls you back in and clicks his tongue.

"Come on now, pet. You wanted this, didn't you? Stay still." You whine in affirmation, looking down once again and gasping as he buries his face into you once more. He dips his tongue into you, and his eyes roll briefly as he grunts at the taste of you; something that he'd get addicted to easily. Hell, he's already addicted to you; why not? He pushes his tongue into you for a moment, groaning again. His grip on the underside of your thigh tightens and he brings it upward a bit more, resting it over his shoulder as his hand slips up your tummy, giving the pudge there a little squeeze before he switches his attention to your clit, lapping his tongue over it slowly and gently. Each swipe sends heat into you, your walls clamping around on nothing, moans leaving your lips as he keeps his head buried into you. The sensations are mounting and he laps his tongue a bit faster to elicit more reactions from you.

Your hips buck into the sensation and a squeal leaves your lips. His hand slips back to cup your hip, pulling you further into him as he laps at your clit again and again. The hand keeping your labia spread shifts downward, and you jolt as he presses his middle and pointer finger against your hole, circling the flesh to gather your slick. The movement of his tongue stalls for a moment until he pushes his fingers into you, and he laps again, but much faster this time, grunting out in satisfaction at the way your walls flutter around his fingers and suck them in more. Moans leave your lips and your body tenses up, a cry leaving the moan before you shift down a little to push into his fingers. He curls them, feeling along your inner walls slowly and gently to find that spot that'll make you quiver, and he does; your hips buck again and you cry once more, the pleasure overloading your senses and rendering you to a whimpering mess. He laps away at your clit again, eating like a man starved; curling those two fingers on your g-spot and rubbing his fingertips against it slowly, gently.

The sensation causes the cord in your tummy to tighten. It doesn't take more of his assault to throw you over the edge; he continues, with an increased fervor upon feeling you tense around his fingers and hearing your noises take on a desperate edge. He pulls you closer, grunting into your pussy as you cry out and ball your hands into fists, grinding a little into the friction as your vision goes white and you sob his name. You continue, riding out your orgasm and whimpering his name quietly. His movements stop after your noises quiet, and he withdraws his fingers and pulls back to look up at you, making sure you're looking at him before he pulls his fingers apart; showing you the string of your fluid that connects them between breaking. He chuckles a bit and stands up as he looks you over. Your eyes flutter shut and you whimper softly, tilting your head back. Your body relaxes, but not for long as you hear a zipper being undone. Your eyes open just as he turns you around and pins you against the wall. One hand against the wall between your waist and your arm, his lips on the back of your shoulder as his other hand comes to your waist, pulling back you back against him. You give a surprised noise and he chuckles. "What? D'you think we were done?" You don't respond, and he hums. "Good. 'Cause we aren't." He pushes against you as you arch your back, your eyes widening as you feel his cock pressing against your cunt; a whine leaving your lips before he pulls his hand from your hip to wrap around the base of him, adjusting himself to rest the tip of his cock against your hole, watching as you flutter around him. He chuckles softly at the sight, and puts his hand on your lower stomach, slowly guiding his hips forward. His cock slips into you with ease, and you feel a faint stinging pain from the stretch, but the full feeling his cock gives you distracts you from the pain. It's familiar, almost; like your body remembers how he fit inside you. Your slick coats his cock, making the fit a bit more easy. He groans softly into your ear, the feeling of you around him more than heavenly. "Fuck. S'fuckin tight. Mm... like you were made for me, hm?"

He grunts quietly as he feels you pulse around him, and he tilts his hips slightly, cupping your lower tummy as he grinds into you testingly. A whine leaves your lips, but you don't stop him. The pleasure is overwhelming, and you feel some sort of sense of relief at finally being filled; by him. His breath fans over your shoulder as he grinds into you slowly, rolling his hips into yours; pulling out a bit before pushing forward and rubbing his hips into yours. He continues like this, one hand sliding up your front and wrapping around your throat, a gentle hold that keeps your head still. Your eyes keep shut, eager moans leaving your lips as you push back into him. For a few moments he continues this movement, just reveling in the feeling of your cunt around him before he begins thrusting. Slowly, at the same pace, raking his cock in and out of you, sending shocks of pleasure through you as you tighten a bit around him, eliciting groans from him. His movements speed up and the hand on your lower stomach slips downward, his middle and ring finger rubbing circles over your clit. You lurch a little and give a little cry, still feeling a bit overstimulated from the previous activities.

That sensation leaves almost immediately as he thrusts into you quickly, the sounds of your bodies together filling the room amongst his groans and your squeals. You lift one of your legs, tilting your head against the wall and his grip on your throat tightens as he starts rutting into you; the feeling of you is getting to him as much as the feeling of him is getting to you. Your moans increase in pitch, and your mind is scrambled by the pleasure. Your walls quiver as he continues, bullying into your cunt. He's chasing his high, and the circles he draws on your clit also increase in pace. The cord in your stomach draws taut, signalling your incoming orgasm; you can tell by his pace that he's close too. "Fuck-- Gonna cum." He warns into your shoulder, yet his pace doesn't falter.

You whimper and your chest tightens at the thought of him pulling out; wasting his cum like that. "Inside," you babble out quickly, hands balling into fists against the wall. "Please, inside." You stutter over your words as he continues thrusting into you, but he understands you immediately.

You don't have to say it twice. After a moment, he bucks into you up to the hilt, and a shaky groan leaves his throat as he cums; hot, thick ropes that flood your cunt with his spend. The sensation, mixed with the feeling of him rolling his fingers over your clit is enough to make you cum as well, and you cry out, walls quivering on his cock before tensing, milking him. Your body trembles and he pulls his hands away, holding you close to him, hums of affection leaving his throat as he thrusts into you a few more times before his movements stall. There's a bit of content silence before his voice breaks it. "Still think I hate you?" You pause, then you murmur in response shakily, "Mnh-mnh. Thank you..." "You're welcome, pet. But next time you need my cock, say it instead of being a brat." "Then the next time you dream about me, tell me." "...deal."

#ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost mw2 #ghost smut #simon riley x reader #callsign datura #ghost cod #simon riley

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qstea · 8 months

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Hello well can I request 4 killer, cross and error headcanon with kind-heart s/o? Like s/o love to help other people get through their pain such as dream,in short is s/o is a goody-goody-two-shoes kind of person.

📎 Kindhearted S/O Headcanons ★

Featuring: Killer!Sans, XTale!Sans, Error!Sans

#Notes: IM BACKKKKK SORRY GUYS LOLOLOL. EAT UP U LIL SHITS

pronouns used: they/them

warnings: some suggestive content if you squint

Killer Sans -

Killer thinks it’s beyond adorable. Seeing you so quick to drop everything to help somebody in need intrigues him so much, as he rarely feels actual emotions and empathy. Finds your goody-two-shoes behavior to be very motivating and such a breath of fresh air. It revives the small, faint, part inside of him that was the Sans he used to be.

Another thing is that they have a thing for innocent and naive types, all things untouched by life’s evils. The mere thought of corrupting somebody so sweet and kind is…. something they dwell on very often.

Don’t worry! He won’t hurt you, no, never. He just thinks that your relationship dynamic is funny.. the big bad wolf, Killer, who’s notorious for killing hundreds of innocent monsters without remorse or pity.. and the cute little kindhearted beauty at his side, untouched by all of his evils he has committed in his lifetime.

XTale Sans -

Your purity is exactly what made him fall for you. It’s the way you treat others with a type of kindness he hasn’t seen in so long, the one that he had longed for in his traumatized life. A life where he was stuck being some sort of sickening pawn under his father’s clawed fingertips.

Has an overwhelming instinct to protect you from everyone and everything, like some sort of untrained guard dog; biting, growling, and fighting off threats for the purpose of shielding you from the horrors of the multiverse, even though this protection may or may not be needed.

He can’t have another loved one leave, he just can’t. He loves you too much for you to get hurt like everyone else, he has to protect you. Everybody in the multiverse has a sick cruelness in their souls and he can’t let the light of his life be tainted with their diseases.

Nothing you say will have stop him from being overprotective and afraid of anything and everything.

Error Sans -

Kindness is not something often found in the multiverse, and especially not standing before the very force that stuck down many worlds, ended many lives, and showed no mercy or pity to those they faced against.

And then there was you, who dared flash their sweet smile, friendly words, and sympathetic nature to the destroyer of worlds. They were shaken, this was new, this was peculiar. They had never seen such a phenomenon before.

And so, they study you, they fall in love with you, they take you under their wing.

They couldn’t let the world see something that was only meant for their sockets, and their sockets only. In the multiverse, the strongest take what they want and take what they wanted, Error did. They had to take advantage of this, they couldn’t risk having anybody else having a taste of this.

They didn’t do it to protect you, they did it because they’re lonely, and all who have not friends, allies, or companions want more then they were destined to have. And so, they became selfish, and took you for their own. Have fun.

#qstea’s works #undertale x reader #underverse x reader #undertale au x reader #killer sans x reader #killer x reader #xtale sans x reader #cross sans x reader #cross x reader #error sans x reader #error x reader

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thebibliosphere · 10 months

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>:0 wait all this time there were meds that could have helped you and NO ONE LET YOU TRY THEM??? AUGH. Sorry I'm hella mad on ur behalf now. Anyway I'm rooting for u queen I hope the mast cell stabilizers help u

There were different meds I could have been trying, yes. Some mast cell stabilizers are available otc in the US (things like Zyrtec and Pepcid), and I've been self-managing with elevated doses of those since the specialist diagnosed me a week before the pandemic hit. (Supplements can help, too, especially if you're deficient in things like D3 and all the Bs, which a lot of MCAS patients are.)

Unfortunately, because the allergist decided I was making shit up (🙃), I was denied access to other drugs, as no one else felt like they were able to safely prescribe me what I need. They were either afraid to do something that'd make me worse, or they just didn't care and treated me like the allergist did.

My cardiologist wouldn't even officially put POTS in my file because she didn't want me to "think of myself as disabled and give up on being '''normal'''." (🔪🔪🔪)

My PCP has been my only ally, but he kept hitting roadblocks and was honest that he didn't know how to help me. He just kept writing referrals to different specialists in the hope they'd help me and has been doing his best to keep me alive in the meantime. Poor guy's been doing triage for my symptoms since I first staggered into his office in 2019 and said, "I think I might be dying." (Spoiler alert: I was.)

The pandemic didn't help. A lot of the specialists I should have been seeing suddenly found themselves on the front line of a global pandemic and are now inundated with long covid patients. It was sheer luck I found a GI doctor who knows about MCAS. Seriously, I picked him at random because he was the first available appointment.

What a happy thing that turned out to be.

#chronic health tag #medical abuse #medical neglect #ableism

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groguspicklejar · 1 month

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.... i think you know what im here for....

hand over the "under your skin" wip stuff please <3

*sharp inhale* BABY😍😍😍 so glad you could make it into my inbox, hope you enjoy this little treat🍡

Under Your Spell: Pretty Little Liar

Pairing: Gaz x f!reader

Warnings: dark fic!!! stalking, 3/4s of 141 being good wingmen, Gaz lying through his pretty perfect teeth, +18 smut, p in v, slight breeding kink.

[Interlude - Before Chapter 1]

[Under Your Spell]

If Kyle is being honest with himself, he’s fairly certain that he’s gotten this far in life with a shit ton of luck.

His Captain tips his hat up to get a closer look at the scene. One unconscious man in a suit, bloodied and bruised from the beating he got from the other man standing over him. Price had gotten there as soon as Gaz gave him the clear. Soap is standing at the entrance of the ally and Ghost is in the car with a fresh change of clothes, since Gaz got some blood on his shirt.

Price gives a curt hum, eyes giving Kyle a once over. “Didn’t think you had it in you, Sergeant. Good work.” The Captain pats him on the shoulder and jerks his head to the car, where Ghost taps his fingers against the staring wheel, eyes checking every corner of the street for any threats. “Now go get your girl. We’ll take care of the mess.”

Gaz doesn’t think he could’ve smiled any brighter. “Thanks, Captain.”

Getting rid of your date was one thing. Convincing you to go on a date with him as a replacement without really saying it was another.

He watched and waited. God, you looked so dolled up and pretty. It made his hands shake, made him nearly hyperventilate at the thought of trying to gain your favour after basically derailing your night. But he silently promises that you’ll thank him later.

Right now, he grits through the guilt of seeing your frown deepen as the minutes ticked by. You checked your phone for the time, for any texts or calls, but received nothing to alleviate the embarrassment of getting stood up by your date.

Twenty-eight minutes and he stands up when you do and heads to the door just as you reach it, his entire nervous system jolting when your hands touch. He’s trying not to make it known that he inhaled your sweet perfume when you’re standing so close to him and already uttering apologies to him.

“Oh, sorry!”

“No, that one’s on me–”

A beat passes as your gaze meets his. He feels a stab of joy when your tearful eyes light up at the sight of him. “Kyle?”

He smiles. “Nice seeing you here.”

“Well, likewise, but what are you doing here?”

You take a step back and it takes everything in him not to follow like the fucking predator that he is. Sweet thing, your skirt flows freely around your thighs, tempting him to get on his knees right then and there. He’d do it if you asked. He wouldn’t even care about who’s watching as he pulls your panties down your legs with his teeth.

“Same as you, I reckon.” he smoothly replies, sliding a hand into his pocket.

You raise an eyebrow, a playful smirk tugging at your lips. “What? You’re telling me that you got stood up by your date too?”

“You say that like it’s an unlikely scenario, love.” he says, pausing. “Are you implying that I’m not worthy of getting stood up? Is that it?”

A laugh is pulled from your lungs. Kyle takes that as a small win, a small step towards total victory. “No, that is not what I meant and you know it.”

It doesn’t take you very long to convince you to go back to your table under the pretext of “since we’re here, might as well enjoy a good meal” and you welcome the idea without any restraints.

He dials his charm up to a hundred. Goes all in for this one mission with the singular objective of making you like him. And for the most part it works. So far, he hadn’t caught as single frown or a hint of anything vaguely negative in your expression and that’s more than enough of a good sign.

But fuck, did he under estimate the power your presence holds over him.

He finds himself getting lost in your eyes. The sparkle, an unadulterated happiness that rarely makes its way to the surface as you relax and enjoy the moment and the presence of those around you. He swallows thickly as you rub your neck, the straps of your pink top straining against your bare shoulders.

He wants to plant kisses right there. On your bare skin, right on your shoulders, your collarbones, your pulse. He wants to feel your heart beating against his tongue. He wants his hand splayed across your back, holding you close while the other grips your ass and grinds you on his clothed cock. He wants to hear your gasps, your moans, the desperate call of his name.

He wants and he wants and he wants. His wants make him weak. And he can’t find it in himself to care.

For now, your voice lulls him, rendering practically defenceless as you unwind and speak to him about your life. He’s been dazed the whole time until– “Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to be here. I mean, I was kind of pressured to come on this date, but I’m glad it worked in my favour.”

You’re giggling as you confess this little detail, nearly tipsy because of the red wine he ordered for you. The sound of it alone could get him drunk if he wasn’t so honed in on what you’d just told him.

The hearts in his eyes pop when he registered the words. He shakes his head. “Wait a minute– Pressured?”

Something in him stiffens when your shoulders draw in. Your deer-in-the-headlights expression draws the string tight, his thoughts running a million per second as he tries to find the meaning.

You lean back on your chair, swirling the glass of wine in your hand. “Well, uh… It’s no big deal–”

The words tumble out anyway without him having to slowly pull them out of you. Your date, a colleague of yours. A bit pushy, a bit… scary, sometimes, according to you. Though in Kyle’s opinion, the man didn’t look remotely frightening while he was getting his teeth knocked in.

Mason, you explained, took an interest in you. And you’d said no the first couple of times but he got increasingly insistent with his advances. It made your life a bit of a nightmare, made you dread coming to work any more than you usually did.

Kyle’s fists clench under the table. You’re glancing away, too distracted to notice the nearly imperceptible twitch in his eye.

“Not sure what he’s going to say when I face him at work on Monday, but at least I have the excuse of being mad at him now.” Your heavy sigh makes him wonder how long you’ve been dealing with this. “Hopefully, then he’ll take the hint and leave me be.”

Well, you’re in luck. Because you won’t get to see him on Monday. Or ever. You won’t find out till then, though. But it will be a nice surprise for you.

Kyle pays for the meal and insists on taking you home.

“Is this a date?” you jokingly ask as you hold onto his arm, the warmth of your body seeping through the fabric of his crisp black shirt.

He smiles at you. “Do you want it to be?”

Much to his disappointment, you fumble and glance away from him. Your confidence melting away into a coy reply. “uh– it– could be a friend date or whatever…”

Most likely to preserve the friendship that means to much to you. And it means a lot to him too, don’t get him wrong. But that friendship was already ruined from the moment Kyle set his eyes on you.

But fuck, he’ll take it. As fortunate as he’s been up until this very moment, he can’t risk pushing his luck with you.

“Then a friend date it is.” He presses a soft kiss on your temple and sighs in content. This’ll do for now. There’s no rush. Thing will be just fine if he plays his cards right.

Walking side by side with him down the street to where Ghost left the car for him. The man himself is standing outside, right on the pavement, having a smoke. Or pretending to, anyway. Kyle pops an innocent question about your childhood, something that makes you break into the story of how you fell out of a treehouse and broke a few ribs.

It distracts you long enough to not notice Ghost slipping the car keys into the hand Kyle opened behind his back. After that, Ghost makes himself scarce.

Your gasp draws his attention away from the road. “Kyle, your hands–”

Suddenly, he’s reminded of the wounds on his knuckles. His hands are on the steering wheel, the car stopped at a red light. He’s surprised you can see this well in the dark with being lightly buzzed from the alcohol but he plays it off with a tight smile and a cool reply. “S’alright, love. Occupational hazard.”

“That looks recent, though…” your small voice trails off, gaze shifting to his face.

Part of him hates himself for worrying you, but he’s not going to lie and say that he doesn’t like the way you’re fretting over him. It puts his mind at ease, knowing that if his luck runs out before he retires, you’ll be there to grieve him.

“Had to get Soap out of a bind.” he says. “Trouble follows him everywhere.”

“So I’ve been told.” you respond dryly. “But I have a first aid kit…”

“Is this your way of inviting your friend date in?” Kyle’s little tease isn’t met with a stammering reply like last time, but with silence.

His smirk nearly falters when he notices that you’re not even looking at him. Instead, your gaze set outside the window. He catches the slight clench of your fingers and by extension, thighs pressing together.

“Maybe…” It’s quiet. Yet it’s the loudest confession he’s ever gotten out of you.

By some miracle, one maybe turned into into a trail of soft yesyesyes’s echoing into the walls of your small bathroom. What was supposed to be you treating his hands turned into his nose touching yours with hooded eyes finding yours and then– then you pecked his lips.

Then. All hell broke loose.

“Kyle–” A hand closed over your mouth. You're rocked back and forth against the sink, thighs spread open for his cock to sink inside your slick cunt.

He quietly shushes you between soft coos, dragging his cock a little deeper. “The walls are thin, love.”

Normally, he wouldn't mind letting you be as loud as you need. But this is your first time together. Those sounds are his for tonight.

He kisses you as the tide rises, swallowing your moans as you wrap your legs around him, despite the fact that he's damn sure you're not on birth control and he's not wearing any protection. he thrusts harder and rolls your swollen clit under his thumb until you're gasping for air and running your nails down his clothed back while your pussy tightens around him. You bite his neck when you cum and that's enough to trigger his orgasm, causing him to flood your cunt with a heavy groan.

It's the first time he leaves you with a drooling cunt and trembling limbs but it most certainly won't be the last.

Under Your Spell Masterlist

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narcissisticpdcultureis · 2 months

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npd culture is getting angry because most npd "positivity" posts from non-narcs is stuff like "narcissists arent ALL evil, horrible people, if youre a good person with npd i love you" or "narcissists are not inherently evil!!" and like yea true i guess but also why cant you say something nice??? say that we are passionate or that we didnt deserve the trauma we went through or that we're strong people or literally anything other than "im sowwy everyone thinks youre abusive assholes. at least i dont think that, that youre an abusive asshole. but most people do hate you. dont forget how stigmatised your disorder is through no fault of your own. have you tried being a model minority?"

like shut up!!!!! stop reminding me of how much people would actually hate me if i ever opened up about having npd!!!! this is why i cant tell anybody because even our allies cant stop bringing up how shit everyone else thinks we are and expect me to bow down at their feet for treating us like human beings???? fuck off

(sorry for the rant but this makes me so MAD)

#npd culture is #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b

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gimmethatagustd · 2 months

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collard greens | kth

Working as a counselor at a summer camp for kids isn't the most exciting job, but hanging out with Taehyung makes it worth it.

○ Pairing: Taehyung x trans man!Reader

○ Rating: Explicit/18+

○ Genre: A classic Jai weed fic, friends to lovers, summer camp au, smut, fluff

○ 13 / 100 Drabble Challenge (Camp Counselor)

○ Word Count: 3,670

○ Warnings: Some body/gender dysphoria, reference to top surgery, reference to hormone therapy, marijuana, oral sex, (self) hand job, Jai didn't proofread this jhsdkjfsk sorry friends

○ Notes: Today is International Transgender Day of Visibility, created to celebrate trans and nonbinary people worldwide. Particularly on Tumblr and with reader-insert BTS fanfic, there is little representation of trans and nonbinary characters. Readers are often written as AFAB and use she/her pronouns and traditionally feminine terms to describe their genitalia (even when listed as gender-neutral readers). I wanted to share a story that explicitly focuses on a trans reader. I welcome everyone to read this story, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. As F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, "That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong."

○ Disclaimer: The trans community is diverse, and this fic doesn't represent all trans and nonbinary people's experiences. If you'd like to learn more about how to be an ally for trans and nonbinary people, check out this article from the Human Rights Campaign.

○ Post Date: March 31, 2024

○ Masterlist | AO3 Crosspost

○ What was Jai listening to? A weed playlist

“Did you know that smoking weed makes your sperm count decrease?”

You scrunch your nose at Taehyung’s vulgar question, but he doesn’t notice. He’s nearly cross-eyed as he licks along the edge of the blunt he just rolled with expert fingers.

“Not me,” you challenge. “Maybe you.”

Taehyung stares at you for a moment. You can practically see the gears turning in his head before he sticks the blunt between his lips and speaks around it.

“Shit, yeah.”

The summer air, thick with humidity, doesn’t help when your face heats up from Taehyung’s mistake. It’s funny how seemingly inconsequential moments—like Taehyung forgetting that you don’t have the same parts as him—can bring you such euphoria. Taehyung has always been good at that, though. He’s never treated you differently, singled you out, or made you feel like you aren’t enough or are too much.

You’re just two dudes perched on a mossy rock in the middle of the woods, smoking a blunt while the camp kids you’re supposed to be taking care of are asleep in their cabins.

Simple as that.

Taehyung pauses to light the end of the blunt and inhales deeply, drawing smoke through his pink lips and exhaling it slowly. The thick cloud doesn’t have a chance to disappear into the night sky before Taehyung breathes it back in through his nose.

Rolling your eyes at Taehyung’s unnecessary display of stoner prowess, you take the blunt from his pinched grip and curl your lips around the tip.

“Are you trying to say weed is, like, male birth control?” you ask, smoke coming out of your mouth in disjointed puffs and streams between your teeth while you talk.

“It basically is.”

“That feels very unreliable.”

Your fingers brush against each other every time you pass the blunt between you. The contact makes your arm tingle, and the feeling wiggles down the right side of your body the more times you reach for the blunt.

“I mean, I smoke, like, every day, and I haven’t knocked anyone up yet,” Taehyung admits with a shrug.

You nearly choke.

“You’re fucking people raw, Tae?”

“Shhh!” Taehyung giggles with his index finger to your lips. You grab his wrist and try to push him off, but he doesn’t budge.

“Taehyung,” you whisper, but he pinches your top and bottom lips together to keep you quiet. It’s useless; his giggles are louder than you are.

“Listen,” Taehyung grins as he brings the blunt to his lips. Yours are still pinched together with his other hand. “I got tested before camp started, and I got no babies.”

“That’s not–”

“I know the test is for STIs, not babies, obviously!” Taehyung squawks, shoving you hard on the shoulder when you finally free yourself from him with a giggle, almost sending you flying off the rock. “I’m just saying I got neither.”

“Alright, alright! I believe you. No STIs, no babies.”

“Exactly.” Taehyung winks at you as he exhales a thick cloud of smoke.

Since you’re sitting next to each other, it’s impossible to escape the shy embarrassment Taehyung triggers in you. He has no business looking as good as he does when he smokes. It’s his lips and eyes, you think, watching him take another hit. The perfect pink bow of his upper lip and the plushness of his bottom lip make his mouth look pretty when the smoke swirls out of it.

When he looks at you through the smoke that surrounds you, his eyes are dark and lidded, a heavy gaze that weighs on you as you bring the blunt to your lips.

“Do you want me to roll another one?” Taehyung asks, his voice rough and thick, after a few more passes of the blunt between you.

It doesn’t feel like you’ve been outside for a long time, but a quick glance at your phone tells you it’s way past time to return to your cabin.

“We should head back, unfortunately,” you say with a sigh, “Waking up in the morning is going to fucking suck.”

“There’s probably just this last hit left.”

You wave away Taehyung’s offer of the blunt now smoked down to a pinched nub.

“I started it, so you have to end it,” Taehyung insists.

“Fine, come here.”

You’ve shotgunned weed with someone before. Although people may call it a shotgun kiss, it isn’t a real kiss. The person who inhales the smoke is supposed to blow the smoke into the other person’s mouth. Sure, that requires getting close to the other person, but it doesn’t require mouth-to-mouth contact. Everyone knows this, especially someone who smokes as much as Taehyung does.

So why does Taehyung lean in too close to press his lips against yours when you blow the smoke into his mouth?

It’s quiet outside, just the chatter of insects and other forest dwellers breaking the still summer night, so you easily hear the breathy way Taehyung inhales the smoke you’ve passed to him. It’s a soft, gentle sound that makes your entire body tingle, starting where his plush lips connect with yours.

Have you wondered if Taehyung’s lips are as soft as they look? Of course, you have; who hasn’t? Taehyung is easily one of the most gorgeous people you’ve ever met, but he has always been just a camp friend.

You’ve known Taehyung for years, spending half of every summer together at this camp since you were kids, eventually becoming counselors once you aged out of the program. Despite living in different cities and attending different universities, you’ve maintained an unlikely friendship through camp.

However, now you’re wondering if you’ve been reading your relationship all wrong.

Taehyung pulls away and turns his head to the side to exhale the smoke before cupping the back of your head and leaning in again. He’s pretty like this, with his eyes closed and expression relaxed.

“Is this okay?” he asks, and for some reason, it feels like the hottest thing anyone has ever said to you.

“Yeah,” your voice is hoarse when you respond, scratchy from the smoke making your throat raw and your mouth dry. You made the rookie mistake of not bringing anything to drink.

When Taehyung slips his tongue in your mouth, you can taste the smokiness of the blunt. He cups your face with both hands and deepens the kiss, tilting his head slightly and causing your noses to brush against each other. Making out while high comes with an indescribable pleasure, something airy and electrifying that washes over your entire body in waves. It isn’t like normal arousal that you feel throbbing from your core and spread throughout your body. Kissing Taehyung while high makes your entire body tremble.

You twist your fingers into the sides of his baggy t-shirt to have something to hold onto as he sucks your bottom lip into his mouth, eliciting a low groan from you. The old camp shirt is faded and soft from years of going through the wash. You’ve got an identical one in your dresser at the cabin.

“We have to go back,” you insist weakly once Taehyung releases your lip from between his teeth.

“I forgot.”

“Of course you did.”

Your laugh is full of anxiety as you look away from Taehyung’s heavy gaze. His eyes are blazing red. You wonder if he kissed you because he’s high and if he’s going to wake up in the morning and pretend it didn’t happen. Is that better than the alternative outcome where Taehyung is weirded out because, well, you’re you?

“Shut up,” Taehyung grumbles, but he wears a grin as he digs the toe of his hiking boot into the ground, twisting it to make sure the blunt is put out.

“First one to the cabin gets to shower first,” he declares.

“Taehyung!” you hiss, but he’s already crashing through the forest brush with flailing arms.

It takes a few seconds for your brain to get in sync with your body, still foggy from weed and Taehyung’s kisses. You scramble to get up, having to adjust your pants with a tug to your crotch as you jog after him. Bottom growth is affirming, but it’s also a pain in the ass sometimes. You can’t imagine how cis men deal with all that.

Taking off in what you hope is the direction of the camp, you quickly realize there’s no way you’ll make it to the cabin before Taehyung. The forest floor is uneven, and you’re an idiot and didn’t wear your hiking boots. Your smooth-soled Converse slide against mossy rocks and get caught on raised tree roots, nearly sending you flying as you try to catch up with Taehyung.

When you finally reach the cabin, you’re wheezing, and your entire body is sticky with sweat. Taehyung is already in your bedroom, whistling as he rifles through the dresser like he’s having a grand time despite his hair looking like a rat’s nest and having welts on his legs from running through bushes in shorts.

“Took you long enough,” he grins as you stomp through the front door and head straight to the bedroom.

The cabin is small, with a living room big enough for a couch and a coffee table, a small kitchenette off to the side, and a door to the bedroom you’re sharing with Taehyung. You each have a twin-sized bed that sits across from the other in the small room, and you share a large dresser placed in between your beds against the back wall. On the opposite side of the room is the door to the bathroom. Everything is a tight fit, but you don’t mind. The two of you are hardly ever in the cabin anyway. Being a counselor requires long hours full of activities, meaning you’re only in your cabin to sleep unless you have an off day.

“I’m gonna go enjoy a nice, warm shower now.” Taehyung rubs his victory in your face, his tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek, and his eyes glittering like fire embers in the cabin’s pale yellow lighting.

“Dude, fuck off,” you give him your middle finger as he shuts the bathroom door with a cackle.

Thankfully, it doesn’t take long for Taehyung to finish showering. You trade places silently, your red eyes avoiding Taehyung’s because the time you had alone made you paranoid about what happened in the woods.

The paranoia only gets worse while you’re in the shower. There’s no need to scrub yourself with your washcloth so aggressively, but you feel like your entire body is crawling. It isn’t the discomfort you once felt when you looked at your naked body. It’s been a while since you felt discomfort when touching your chest or washing between your legs. No, this feeling you’re experiencing now is something different. Rather than feeling the urge to hide, you want to be seen. You want to be seen by Taehyung, and you don’t know what to do with that desire.

Showering doesn’t calm the need pulsing through your body. You feel a little less high, but you’re still buzzing with electricity, still incredibly sensitive as you dry yourself with a fluffy towel. With your brain still floating in the clouds, you almost think you’re hallucinating the slow opening of the bathroom door. Quickly, you wrap your towel around your hips and stare at Taehyung, whose head pokes through the door crack.

“Hellooo,” Taehyung drags out the word, low and slow, as his eyes sweep over your body.

He’s blatantly checking you out, and you feel your cheeks heat up from arousal or shame; you’re not sure which. You may not experience dysphoria anymore, but that doesn’t mean you’re running around shirtless, sporting scars where most guys’ pecs end. It was never “okay” to be shirtless with the chest you had before; it’s taking a while to feel “okay” doing it now.

You take a deep breath and remind yourself that Taehyung has never cared. He watched you blossom for over a decade as you shaped yourself into your most authentic form, and he kept up with every change, no matter how different things were from the summer before.

“Do you need something or…?”

Blinking, Taehyung’s face turns pink, and he shakes his head.

“No. Well, I mean, sort of?”

Taehyung laughs at himself, and you can’t help but laugh, too, because who can hear Taehyung laugh and not want to experience that same joy, even if it’s twinged with nervousness?

“What do you sort of need?” you finally ask with a grin, that shared joy warming your chest.

“Can I come in?”

“You’re already halfway there.”

With a cheeky grin, Taehyung slips into the bathroom and closes the door so you’ll stay warm. He’s wearing loose boxers and a tank shirt because the cabin’s lack of central air conditioning makes it hot at night. He’s cute like this, soft and domestic.

“Did you like it?” Taehyung keeps his hand on the doorknob as though preparing to leave, but his voice is steady when he asks the question.

“Like what?”

You know what. Taehyung knows you know what.

He clarifies anyway.

“When I kissed you, did you like it?” Taehyung switches between focusing on your eyes and your mouth. “Because… I want to do it again.”

It only takes a slight nod for Taehyung to crowd you against the bathroom counter. The kiss feels confident this time, no longer an accident or hesitant test ride. Taehyung holds your jaw to tilt your head up and kisses you hard enough to leave you breathless. You noisily inhale whenever he lets you.

“I didn’t want to wait,” Taehyung explains against your lips while you moan against his.

“For what?”

“You to finish showering.” Taehyung’s free hand runs down your side to squeeze your hip, part of his hand slipping under your towel. “Is this okay?”

You don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you let him unwrap your towel and drop it on the slippery tile floor. Maybe it’s the weed making you feel reckless, letting this boy see you in a way you haven’t let a boy see you since you started your transition. Maybe it’s just because it’s Taehyung.

“You, too,” you groan when you feel Taehyung’s clothed cock press against your thigh.

Taehyung doesn’t need to be told twice, reaching over his shoulder to pull his shirt over his head by grabbing the back. Once he’s shirtless, his mouth finds your jaw, kissing across to the sensitive spot just below your ear while you tug down his boxers so he can kick them off.

Beneath the arousal building inside of you are nerves you can’t seem to shake. They’re making it difficult to concentrate on how fantastic it feels to have Taehyung’s soft lips kissing and sucking your neck. All you can think about is how you’re afraid that Taehyung will freak out, that he keeps forgetting, and how it feels nice when he forgets when you’re talking about guy stuff, but it’ll feel devastating when he realizes he has forgotten now.

Slowly, Taehyung’s fingertips skirt your torso, creeping down your side to swipe over your waist and trail along the crease where your hip meets your thigh. You hold your breath as he ventures further, eventually shooting your hands out to squeeze his biceps when his fingers dip into your hole to gather your arousal and drag it upward.

“Can I suck your cock?” Taehyung breathes, hot and ragged, against the curve of your ear.

Jolting back, you stare at him with wide eyes and feel your heart flutter painfully in your chest because you still haven’t started breathing again.

“W-What, what did you say?�� you stammer, holding Taehyung’s red, lusty gaze.

“Can I suck your cock? I want to suck you off.”

Taehyung says it so simply, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He slid his fingers through your arousal and didn’t refer to it as your pussy or clit, as if he already knew those words would make you feel disgusting.

“You, how did you know… why did you call it that?”

Scrunching his eyebrows and frowning slightly, Taehyung pulls his hand from in between your legs.

“Uhh… you always call it your dick when we’re talking about stuff with the guys?” There’s a panicked edge to Taehyung’s voice, each sentence coming out like a hesitant question. “But, uh, I feel like most of society agrees that dick isn’t really sexy, so… I thought cock would sound better…”

When you don’t respond, Taehyung’s face shifts from pale with panic to bright red with embarrassment.

“Shit, should I not have said that? Should I have asked first? I’m sorry I—”

You kiss away Taehyung’s embarrassed babbling, your fingers dug into his hair, and your body pressed flush against his. His hands curve around to hold your lower back and pull you closer as if it’s even possible. You want him to try, to mold you into him.

“Thank you,” you whisper.

When Taehyung smiles, his teeth press against your bottom lip.

“You don’t need to thank me. I just wanna make you feel good. Will you let me?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

You bite your bottom lip and squeeze the edge of the counter on either side of your waist as you watch Taehyung get on his knees. The bath mat protects his knees from the hard tile when he kneels in front of you.

“You’re so pretty,” Taehyung says softly as he rubs his hands up and down the inside of your thighs with slight pressure to push them apart a little bit more, “Pretty boy.”

It’s hot watching Taehyung lick the tip of your cock, the hormones you’ve been on making it stick out beyond your folds. Taehyung is gentle when he presses your lower abdomen with his palm and uses his fingers to pull your lips back slightly to expose more of you. He gets you nice and wet before he wraps his lips around your cock, suckling it and flicking it with the tip of his tongue.

“Oh fuck,” you moan, grabbing Taehyung’s head with one hand so you can run your fingers through his bangs and push them away from his face to see his eyes better.

Taehyung hums in response to your moans, and you feel the vibration rumble through your groin. He’s skillful as he licks and swirls your cock with his tongue and keeps a tight suction around it with his lips and hollowed cheeks.

For a moment, you tip your head back and try to regulate your breathing because how is Taehyung about to make you cum already, just from his mouth? Sure, your body has been more sensitive since you started your hormone therapy, but fuck.

To make matters worse, when you look back down, you notice that Taehyung’s free hand is wrapped around his cock. He pumps his cock at the same rhythm as he begins to bob his head as if he’s sucking even more of you than there really is. You can say, without a doubt, that no one has ever tried to affirm you and make you feel as complete during sex as Taehyung is.

“Fuck, yeah, Taehyung,” you adjust your grip on Taehyung’s hair and start guiding his movements, pulling him up and down by his hair, “Just like that, shit, your mouth feels so fucking good.”

You aren’t pulling his hair hard; you’re really only following the pace he’s already established, but it feels good. It must feel good for Taehyung, too, because he whimpers and jerks off faster. His body trembles just like yours does, and it doesn’t take long for both of you to be panting and frantic.

“Gonna cum, fuck, fuck.”

You squeeze Taehyung’s hair and the edge of the counter as you buck your hips, coming right as Taehyung adjusts his angle to lap at the gush of arousal at your hole, painting his mouth and chin.

“God, you’re so hot, you have no fucking idea,” Taehyung groans into the inside of your thigh, where he nuzzles his face.

His breath is hot and wet as he pants, trembling for a few seconds longer before he finally cums, too. Some of it leaks between his fingers and lands on the inside of your leg, but you don’t care; you just caress his hair from his face while he breathes slowly to calm himself down.

With trembling legs, you twist around to collapse onto the closed lid of the toilet, unable to stand any longer. Your head feels spacey and throbs, likely because you’d been holding your breath too much. It’s okay, though. It makes your body feel all warm and jiggly.

“We have to shower again,” Taehyung says quietly.

He looks just as fucked out as you feel, his eyes wide and staring out into the void as he continues trying to relax his shuddery breath. You can’t help but laugh, throwing your head back and letting it out, like whatever other pent-up energy you had left over after you came needs to escape somehow.

“Yeah, we do,” you wheeze even harder once Taehyung’s face cracks into a boxy smile, and he starts laughing, too.

“I got cum all over the floor,” Taehyung cackles, falling back on his bare ass and holding up his cum-covered hand.

You wipe the tears collecting in the corners of your eyes and shake your head. “That is something I don’t envy.”

“It’s so fucking inconvenient!”

Taehyung grins up at you with crinkled eyes, and you don’t know why you were so nervous before. He’s so perfect it makes your heart hurt.

“Next time, I’ll be the one to swallow,” you promise slyly, pleased when Taehyung lets out a weak moan in response.

“Bro, don’t do this to me,” Taehyung throws his head back and whines at the ceiling. "I’m gonna fall in love with you if you’re not careful.”

Grinning, you shrug. Tonight has been pretty reckless; there’s no use in being careful now.

Disclaimer: All my writing is fictional and for entertainment purposes only. None of these characters are meant to actually represent the real people mentioned in the stories.

All rights reserved © @gimmethatagustd - Do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my writing. Do not use my writing for any AI purposes whatsoever. Do not use my fics for anything aside from reading and commenting on them. My fics will only be posted on this Tumblr and on AO3 (gimmethatagustd & daddytaehyungie).

#diverseinsertknet #taehyung x reader #bts x reader #bts fanfic #taehyung fanfic #taehyung smut #taehyung fluff #bts smut #bts fluff #jai writes #gimmethatagustd #collard greens

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literallyaflame · 9 months

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transgender masculinity will never be regarded in the same way as cisgender masculinity because transgender masculinity opposes the “natural order.” trans men do not magically gain oppressive power over cisgender women simply by calling themselves men, or by behaving in a masculine way. in fact, the opposite tends to be true. i was a “masculine woman” for many years and my cis female peers treated me like dog shit garbage, because if you’re masculine in opposition the sex binary, you’re a threat and an outsider

this is why i’m not comfortable with cis women making bold claims about the overall transmasculine relationship with sexism. it’s not as simple as “you’re a man so you’re the oppressor now.” the social power of masculinity is inextricably tied to biological essentialism. some trans men pass as male, yes, but some don’t. others pass as feminine men, some are indistinguishable from butch lesbians. hell, some transmasculine people still identify as butch lesbians. transmasculine experiences are not universal, and depending on where you fall, you’re going to have utterly different day-to-day experiences with sexism & misogyny

the thing about conventional cis womanhood is that, while oppressed, it doesn’t oppose the natural order. trans manhood does. trans men often don’t have a place among men or among women, which is the isolating effect of living in opposition to the sex binary. it sucks, it’s difficult to manage, most trans people deal with it at some point, and the majority of cis women frankly have no stake in that conversation. i resent the idea that i have some kind of universal privilege over a group of people who were (historically) some of my worst oppressors—not because they identify as women and i identify as a man, but because their femininity did not defy expectations and my masculinity did

don’t get me wrong, anyone can be a misogynistic loser, trans guys included. also, cis women are not exempt from experiencing oppositional sexism. but some of the weird exclusionary shit i see from cis “allies” is borderline indistinguishable from the “ummmm she can’t be in the locker room with us, she’s technically female but she’s… you know… i’m sorry but it’s just not appropriate” nonsense i endured as a teenager lmao

#sorry i’m stressed out so i’m making posts to distract myself from The Horrors #i have so many other things i should be doing you have NO idea #me when i make a post

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rasairui · 4 months

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I think anybody who thinks autism is more "accepted" nowadays is either in denial or can't see outside themselves. What we actually did is just popularize a really weird infantilized perception of autism that focuses on the symptoms that can be repackaged as "cute" or "quirky," and are continuing to treat people with inconvenient or even upsetting symptoms like garbage. And no I'm not talking about bigots who pull the "I'm literally neurodivergent" bs I'm talking about supposed allies telling me I'm acting like a child for getting too emotional when I literally have "Can't Regulate My Emotions" disorder, or that I'm moving weird, or that my voice never has the right tone to it. Sorry my autism doesn't stop and end at hand flapping and dinosaurs lmao I can gaurantee I'm not enjoying my meltdown any more than you are, buddy! In fact, I'd say I'm having a far worse time than you! I do not make a choice to be emotionally volatile nor do I feel good when I get upset. It's not my fault that emoting "properly" is a performance that takes energy and I really can't do it 100% of the time. Like idk it honestly feels like I still have to mask in supposedly progressive spaces just in a different way.

And of course this doesn't even start to get into people with higher support needs than me who are rarely acknowledged unless they themselves are doing it. It's one of the reasons those posts that are like "Do you think neurodivergence is just autism/adhd, and not (heavily stigmatized other disorder)?" rub me the wrong way. They always seem to be addressing the most sanitized version of autism possible which strikes me as counter intuitive to the point being made. And don't get me wrong, as a system I understand why it's being said but it just really frustrates me because the people these posts are about don't actually think severe cases of autism or adhd are neurodivergence either! They treat higher support needs people with the same disorders like shit!

No I do not think anyone who's ever made a post like that is a bad person nor do I expect every post to have a disclaimer containing every possible nuance but I do think a lot of them are not written with the existence of high support needs or "weird" autism symptoms in mind, which inadvertently feeds into this "palatable autism" thing people keep doing

#autism #just thinking lol #ableism #people will say autism is a spectrum until they're blue in the face and then give no thought? To different parts of said spectrum??#''I love autistics'' until you have to accommodate food struggles or one of them is loud or needs help communicating or calming down #or remembering things or even just getting around. Ally in every way but the one that actually matters: actually assisting disabled people #but people think basic human decency is ''emotional labor'' nowadays so idk why I expect any better #like sure maybe the person with autistic in their bio is being ableist about other disorders. I guarantee they're ableist at other autistic #people too. So much of this is enforced from within the community.

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 10 months

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to me the magicians is largely a show about how terrible it is to be 23 both in the sense that it sucks so bad and in the sense that 23-year-olds suck so bad (confidential to 23-year-olds reading this: not you, dear, but also, check back once you've gone through your saturn return), so it's very rare that any of the characters do anything that actually bothers much less upsets me because i'm like, the terribleness is the point and much of the joy for me. but we all have our individual pressure points so for the sake of the historical record here is a complete list of times the characters in the magicians do something i dislike:

julia: in the pilot when she tells quentin "you're good at so many things, just pick one!" to me that is not only the meanest thing julia ever says or does to quentin it is maybe the meanest thing anyone ever does to anyone at any point on the entire show. like julia i love you more than life itself but can we maybe let a bitch live

quentin: there's a specific quality to the all-in earnest dorkiness with which he approaches the quest that i just cannot handle. it makes me want to walk into the screen and place my hands on his shoulders and look him in the eye and say "this is why you had no friends in high school." like at a certain point your inability to read the room becomes my problem and that's the point at which even though i would very literally lay down my life for yours i cannot even look you in the eye

alice: when she's super obnoxious and condescending to harriet about signing/communication/etc. this one gets an asterisk because i actually think that scene is good writing in that it's in character with what we know of alice and her flaws to be super weird about a deaf person and i think she is meant to come across as unpleasantly in the wrong and i like it when a show gives its protagonists such genuine types of behavioral errors. but it does make me viscerally uncomfortable to watch

josh: one of the less sung about hate crimes near the end of season 4 is josh chuckling to himself about how margo thinks she's mad at him but really she's mad at herself because he like superhumanly divines her emotional architecture because they've banged twice or whatever. this one gets an asterisk in the opposite direction because i feel like everything i (a known proponent of Josh Rights) enjoy about josh is down to the joshness of josh and everything i don't enjoy about josh is bad writing fueled by heterosexuality brain poison so it feels like i'm holding it against him unfairly when actually the real josh would not do that and it's just that the writers are bad. but that moment makes me feel like we need to send him to the guillotine immediately so on the list it goes

kady: kady doesn't matter enough to rise to the level of bothering me. sorry kady i love the version of you that exists in the universe written by writers who gave a shit

margo: i feel like i had one for margo at some point but i can't remember what it was. i guess i wish she were a little less anti-democracy once established upon the throne but i also read a lot of that as an outgrowth of her habit of being the tough bitch partly because she's worried about eliot getting his ass killed so.... eh

penny: literally nothing ever not even once not even for a second. i tried to think of one and i couldn't. and like i know that he does things on screen that are morally bad or simply not nice or whatever. but i'm like physically incapable of being upset by penny he brings me too much joy it cannot be cancelled out by ethical qualms or empathy for anyone else i'm a simple woman i see his beautiful face and i am at peace. he deserves to be a huge asshole to everyone all the time for no real reason, as a treat and also because it's soooooo funny. i would not want him to change a thing

eliot: ok like literally mind your business about margo's bush this is not being an ally!!!!!!

#the magicians

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newjeansimagine · 6 months

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14. School Library

"So, now you talk via Twitter, huh?" Hanni asked early in morning, making Minji roll her eyes.

"Like a tweet its so much" she answered, taking another sip of the americano on her hand.

"Replying people you know in real life on Twitter means you either their close friend, or that you accidently did it, wich wasn't the case" the other one continued, leaning herself in the wall, closing her amrs around her body.

"Just because you only talk to a bunch of strangers on internet doesn't mean everyone does." minji said automatocally, leading Hanni to stare at her face, analising her, like she always do when she's thinking in a way to tease her. "And we're not friends"

"Yeah, those straight-from-books words you say to convince yourself" she said, leading Minji to look at her.

"What do you mean?" She asked, confused by Hanni's vocabulary.

"Just that manic pixie enemies to lovers shit you say everytime you talk about her" she answers.

Minji almost choked by her drink, but tryed to act like it didn't affected her. On the inside, the idea was making her feel weird. Enemies to lovers? Wtf Hanni.

"You're inventing words" she answered only, taking another sip, ignoring Hanni words. The other just giggled.

She just ignored. By far, she could see Hyein arriving school and talking to some of her classmates.

“So, your birthday is coming.” Hanni said again. “Are you inviting her?”

Minji looks back at her.

“Of course Hanni, what kind of monster you think I am?”

Hanni ignored. Looking around, Minji was feeling a little cloudy. Her mind came back to the latest events, and now some of those seemed so twisted. First the rumors in school... Minji really couldn't care less everytime someone whispered when she walked throught the school. Somehow, everyone thinking she and Y/N had a thing was not bothering her to the point she feels bad. But she knew it wasn't looking good to Y/N, she knew people were assuming horrible things about her.

Second, the way she treated Y/N ever since she arrived... only now Minji was sticking the pieces together, and noticing that the way she acted could give Y/N the wrong impression. Only now, Minji felt the need to make clear that it wasn't this idea everyone was having of her with a girl that was making her treat Y/N like that. It had nothing with Y/N's sexuality, but she was afraid that if she said something, the other girls might twist her words.

The third topic hit her the day before when they were studying togheter. The fact that Y/N was probrably thinking she was a rich, spoiled and prejudiced girl did not let her sleep at night. She wasn't a disrespectful person at all, she lived overseas for a six month period while studying english, she knew other countrys and were aware of the differences of her culture to others. She is open and accepting of differences and she even considered herself as an ally. God, her thinking that made her feel like a homophobe trying to justify herself. She was feeling nauseus.

When she saw Y/N arriving school from far, the girl didn't went to their direction, wich was a confirmation Minji made things weird between them. Minji was trying to hold it back, she added her to their group chat, she talked to her via texts, she helped her with homework... Just that nothing really seemed to be helping the situation. She knew a simple "I'm sorry" would solve things between them if they ignored the whole rumor in school, but she was just feeling botter about saying it. Minji wasn't the type who would ever get the wrong impression of people, but knowing she was so wrong about Y/N was killing her lately.

She shook her head. These days, you know, she would always spend too much time thinking about this girl. About what she would think of her, about how she percieved her. In Y/N's mind, was Minji considered nasty, boring or mean? Or cool, funny or pretty?

Why did she cares so much about what this girl thinks?

Argh!

Minji was having a mental breakdown and it wasn't even 7 in the morning.

As the time passed, she went to her class, not before her proclamed boy crush stumbled with her in the halls, making her brush, wich was an oportunnity for Hanni to make jokes about it the whole day. But Minji head wasn't on him. When she entered her class, the first sight she had was Y/N in the back of the class smiling with her head on Wonyoung's shoulder. Somehow it got her even more nauseus.

She wasn't a big Wonyoung fan. Even if the girls insisted she was nice and all, Minji didn't felt this close to her yet. The truth was that Minji didn't liked changes, she had great life, great friends, great grades, she didn't liked when something was a risk to it all. And somehow she was feeling like Wonyoung were risky for her, she didn't knew why, she just felt that territorial rivality everytime she was with her. The thing was that she couldn't take her eyes from the scene, wich lead her to sit on her table, and turns back every minute to check if they were still in that position. And they were.

"Seems like the rumours are gonna be something new now" Hanni comented by her side, taking her attention.

"Huh?" She asked, and noticed that Hanni was also looking at the girls.

"I mean, would people assume they’re a couple?" The girl said joking and it hit Minji deeply.

She took her eyes back to the girls who were invested on a talk, too close to eachother.

"That's stupid, Y/N should be focusing on her grades instead on date people" minji said fastly, and Hanni gave her a confused look.

"It was a joke, they're not..." Hanni didn't had a chance to finish her line.

Minji really couldn't tell why, but only noticed her anger while she was going to Y/N's place. She was suddenly standing in front of the two girls.

The confused look on Y/N's face was clear.

"On the break we'll meet on the library" Minji said to Y/N, her voice falling a little bit in the end.

'Uhm..." the other one tryed to formulate a sentence "for what?" Was everything she could say.

"Math." Minji answered. "We'll have our first math exam tomorrow, and honestly, yesterday you made it clear you're terrible at it".

Wonyoung looked at her with that friendly look she have on her face. Minji looked at her for a second and faked a smile. Wonyoung raised her brows, like she caught somehow.

"I wouldn't say exactly terrible" Y/N answered slowly a little embarassed, and it hit Minji she was being mean again.

"Yeah, but you were a little confused about arithmetic, so we still have to review it." She tryed to hold it back and look a little less... bossy? Angry?

The two girls looking at her wasn't making her calm down and only now she was backing to her senses. What was she doing?

"Okay." Y/N just answered, wanting to end the conversation. "Yeah, I kinda need some classes".

Y/N said while Minji was still standing, she really couldn't hear Wonyoung's answer because she turned around and walked away.

She felt embarassed at herself while she was going back to her place.

"What was that?" Hanni asked with a confused expression, laughting a little.

"Nothing." She answered, too embarassed of her own actions. Only now she noticed Hanni wasn't the only one looking at her and it made her wanna throw up.

Day was not going very well to Minji.

For Y/N the day wasn't the best also, but since when she had great days? :P

First of all, her alarm hit too soon for some stupid reason leading her to wake up too early and caused her to 1. getting early to school and 2. getting her math teacher to lower her grade (ofthr exam she didn't even do) just because she sleeped a little and because he’s a goddamn asshole that hates her.

Second of all, she'd forgotten her lunch and her wallet, so she were now starving unable to buy anything to eat (thank god Wonyoung had shared her sandwich or else y/n would be dead by now).

And third of all…

Her.

The girl in front of her in the library school with a serious look in her face, checking some calculations she made in her notebook.

Minji's head was down and y/n was staring. Maybe too much. Y/n couldn't really stare at Minji at all days, so she wouldn't lie she took this chance to do so. But y/n wasn't the only one staring. She could hear the murmur around them. The way Minji forced her to sit close didn't help the situation, she was afraid the rumour around school about them two would become different and people would start assuming things about them.

Somehow she couldn't stop staring at the girl in front of her, today she was different from the previous day. She had a little makeup on and her hair was in a nice hairstyle. She was wearing the school uniform and Y/n thinks its the second time she saw her wearing these, since they were not mandatory. She was beautiful. Argh. Y/n hated it so much. She was so annoying and so beautiful it wasn't fair. Just her skin, and her eyes, and her nose, and her...

"You're staring" Minji said suddenly, still looking at the notebook, without looking at her.

"Uhm, sorry" y/n couldn't help the embarassement, her face was a little red and all and she wasn't a person who blushed easily.

Minji wrote something, not looking at Y/n.

"It's ok" she said. Her face was blank, but her writing became a little inconsistent. "We should have brought food" she said changing the topic.

Y/n felt relieved that Minji didn't make a scene about catching her staring..

"Wonyoung shared a sandwich with me" y/n said, automatically. "I can bring something for you if you want".

"No. Its fine" minji said. Y/n didn't notice her tone becoming more defensive. "I can have something when we finish" the girl kept saying, a little grumpy.

"Hmm" y/n forced a friendly smile not knowing how to react to her. "How was it?" She asked trying to kill an awkward silence.

Minji wrote something else and looked at her, giving her book back, touching the other girls hand in the procces.

"You did great. 6 out of 10" she said, watching Y/N look at the correction she made.

"6 isn't good" y/n answered. Looking a little frustrated. She put her hands on her head, apprehensive about the test they would face next.

"It's more than half" minji answered, fastly trying to hype her up. But gave a step back. "But you still gotta pratice."

"Half plus 1 its not like its more than half, its like I only answered one more right than the minimum, so it doesn't feel like more than half" she answered, making Minji a little confused.

"Yeah, but one more means you know more than less about the subject, so the way to know everything is closer than far" minji said, and y/N looked at her, only to look away the next second.

"Yeah, you're right." She said and a 'thank you' almost came out her mounth, but she didn't said it.

"Mom's gonna kill me" y/n muttered. Minji looked at her and almost laughed about how scared y/n looked talking about her mom.

Y/n just had these expression of when something bad its about to happen, and she bitted her lips while her eyes nervously read the questions she solved.

She was sitting in the sloppy way that Y/N always used to sit, with her spine thrown over the back of the chair without much care, her fingers were crossing her own hair, to her own cheeks, to her own lips, like she did everytime she was concentrated reading something.

Minji doesn't remember how she knew this. Maybe she turned around too often to watch Y/N during class. She shook her own head. What was she thinking?

“Oh I almost forgot” Minji said, taking a invitation off her bag and giving it to Y/N.

“Next week is your birthday?” Y/N said, reading the invitation in her hands.

Minji rolled her eyes. As if it wasn’t written there.

“Yeah, I was not planning to do anything but it was the girl’s idea.” Minji said, nervously. “You can come if you want.”

She just notice this was the first real conversation they had, and it felt nice and light. Minji felt guilt, anxiety and interest, all at the same time. She was about to say sorry about the way she's been treating the other girl lately, but y/n interrupted her.

"Yeah, sure… ah, since we finished, I gotta go now" she said, getting up from the chair and placing her notebooks between her arms.

Minji who was too numb by her own confused thoughts, just closed her mouth and agreed.

Then Y/N left. And all Minji could think was what the hell just happened. She looked around, afraid someone could hear her thoughts or read the expressions in her face. But everyone seemed to just be doing their own things. For a second, she wished they were a new topic in school, but then she shook her head.

She couldn't even form a coherent thought. Minji just stood there for a few minutes until the break was over, trying to understand why her hand was shaking exactly where Y/N touched her and why her heart was beating so fast like it was about to fall from her chest.

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#minji imagines #minji x reader #newjeans imagines #newjeans scenarios #newjeans x reader #kim minji #minji new jeans #nwjns minji

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