#sorry about the formatting i’m new to these screencap posts

[stupidgoober]

“Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist” — Avenue Q (2003)

#oitnb #avenue q #adeola chinede #orange is the new black #netflix #i love these little bits the characters have lol #sorry about the formatting i’m new to these screencap posts

[hartrathaway]

Hii I'm interested in Hartley's story but I know literally nothing about him except that he was Wally's gay bestie in the 90s, what's his deal? Do you have any comic recs for him?

HI IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!!!!!!

Okay, so really brief, his dealio is: born to ‘incredibly rich’ parents (we never get a specified ballpark, but Hartley states that he was ‘born with two silver spoons in [his] mouth’ if that helps context wise), Hartley’s deaf!  His parents had him get cochlear implants when he was a child, which ‘medically healed him’.  (His deafness has been treated extremely ablest by writers who actually remember he’s deaf, I need to warn you of this now.)  He’s a music and sound waves guy, a former villain (it’s an on again off again relationship, but a lot of his character is defined by his time as a hero) and he’s very leftist.  Gay best friend in the AIDS crisis turned Wally West from a midwestern conservative to a leftie as well.  (Wally’s wife, Linda Park, was a major contributing factor, but we’re focusing on Hartley for this, so I’m gonna talk about him.)

I’ve got a mix of good reading from all over, so I’m gonna break this into sections, and do my best to describe which is which.  (all my screencaps are from this website right here, because i do not own all the back issues and it would have taken much, much longer to do this post, and as such, some of them are not sized or formatted correctly)  Click the read more if you’re interested!  Please note: I am not a 100% authority figure on Hartley, and I know there’s a few stories I have left out (the story with Bart Allen’s first appearance is a good one that Hartley is in), but these are the gist of who is he, what he’s been up to, and what is the family drama.

So for New Earth (otherwise known as post-Crisis on Infinite Earths), is where Hartley actually becomes Wally’s friend, and is a hero!  I’m going to focus on this section first.  Unfortunately, due to being a minor character, a lot of stuff is broken into small stories, or things that are happening behind the scenes, so there’s no real issue x - y that’s gonna help much.

The Flash Vol 2 #31, #32 Quick summary: In issue 31, supervillain here is killing homeless people, Hartley has been helping these same people get up on their feet by helping them get squatter’s rights.  They skip the fighting because a kid asks if they’re going to fight for a half hour and then team up, and go right to the team up.  They get Linda Park in, supervillain ends up backfiring his powers.  In issue 32, Wally, Hartley, and their pal Mason officially move to Keystone city.  Hartley’s folks are in trouble while the three of them are trying to freeload (off of Hartley’s parents, his and his parents’ relationship is better now than it had been, for a multitude of reasons), Wally and Hartley rescue Hartley’s parents, we also meet Jerrie, Hartley’s sister, and all is resolved there.  Yay, the family loves each other again!

(issue 31)

(issue 32)

The Flash Vol 2 #53 Special mention this is the issue where Hartley comes out and also has to inform Wally that Wally cannot tell who is a homosexual.  Also Wally’s an IRS agent here, for shame Wallace.  At least Hartley gets to cosplay Wally at the end, so that’s fun.  Content warning for this issue specifically is some casual homophobia, just so you know that going in.

(issue 53)

The Flash Vol 2 #170 In 170, Hartley’s being contacted by his father to call in ‘a favor’ that Hartley owes him.  The main plot line includes (one of) Wally’s ex(es) showing up, a former hero and teammate, Frances Kane, otherwise known as Magneta.  A person has been found murdered at Keystone Motors, and supervillain Goldface begins rallying union workers (which seems to just be a poorly timed coincidence).  The story itself (170 - 173) in and of itself is really fun, but I’m only going to talk about Hartley, or else I’ll be here all day.

(issue 170)

The Flash Vol 2 #174, #175, #178, #179 And here we get some drama! I’m grouping all of these together, since it’s all the same chunk of the story for Hartley, but since it’s the Flash, Wally’s center stage.  In 174, the people who were living with the Rathaway family aren’t exactly big fans of Hartley.  They know he’s changed his ways, he’s a hero now, but it’s just…  something feels off.  There’s loud music sounds, and bam!  Suddenly Hartley’s there and oh boy is this gonna be a hot mess.  In issue 175, we see some footage, and Hartley’s the lead suspect in his parents’ murder, considering that the footage has Hartley onscreen.  178 rolls up, and after Wally’s getting Gorilla Grodd taken care of (and that fight is a doozy), Wally gets to find out Hartley’s been arrested for the murder of his own parents, and Hartley confesses on-screen to his parents’ murder  (Also Hartley’s got a beard now, that’s how you know he’s depressed.) 179 opens with Hartley being processed.  Linda and Wally go to see him, and although Hartley confessed, he said “I think I did.”  (emphasis is mine; in the panel Hartley says “I think I did.”) Joker?  He’s got some Joker-fied people, and poor Hartley gets it too :(  Hartley straight up nearly kills Captain Boomerang (it’s okay, Wally stops him), and surprise!  Welcome back to Iron Heights Hartley.  Gonna have a fun time :)

(issue 174; this is the least messy part of the panel, but it was intended to be that way)

(issue 175)

(issue 178)

(issue 179)

The Flash: Iron Heights Brief interlude from the main comic line, we’ve got a one-shot that’s taking place in Iron Heights.  This takes place before Hartley gets arrested, presumably (since, y’know, they’re breaking in and all).  Fun one-shot honestly, keeps me on my toes the whole time.  Hartley’s a main character, and it’s less personal drama and very story driven.  You don’t need this to enjoy Hartley regardless, but I enjoy it!

(The Flash: Iron Heights, which you can read here.)

The Flash Volume 2 #189, #190 189! Now we find out how Hartley’s parents were actually murdered!  No spoilers, but we do get a prison breakout.  This is where we get some origin story! Don’t read this first though, because you’re going to be spoiling yourself the plot of his arrest.  In 190 we get more origin, including the way DC treated his deafness. (It’s ablest, and I’m still mentally grappling how you wouldn’t notice your child being deaf for two years, but okay Rachel and Osgood, you keep being bad.)  The story goes on for now, with Hartley on the run from… well, everyone.

(issue 189)

(issue 190)

This is pretty much it for New Earth Hartley up until Countdown.

I don’t like Countdown at all.  I’m much happier pretending that Countdown doesn’t exist (both because of how it treats Hartley for a multitude of reasons, and how Thad Thawne is treated leading up to Countdown).  More happens with Hartley’s storyline in Countdown, but I hate it with such a passion that I wouldn’t recommend it at all.  Countdown leads into Final Crisis, and I’m not a fan of either.  However, should you wish to read and make your own opinions, here’s Countdown and here’s Final Crisis.  Please note, Countdown’s issues are done in reverse order (so from issue 51 to 1, rather than 1 to 51)

And now I’m going to tell you the gospel truth:

I do like New 52 Hartley!  A lot. Unfortunately, he’s not as much in the n52 Flash run as I would like (but I’m biased, as obvious by my url).  What you need to know is that Hartley’s a musician now, like orchestra director, and he’s in a relationship with Barry’s boss, David Singh. (power move, honestly)  Unfortunately, we don’t get a whole lot in the main line.  Also at this point, the Wally West of New Earth hasn’t transitioned to the n52.  Wallace West of n52 is an entirely different character, and that’s a whole other issue for another discussion.  Wally West as we know him from New Earth doesn’t come back for a while.  Wally and Hartley haven’t talked since before Flashpoint, and that’s a shame. 

So read the Crimes of Passion Anthology he’s got please I’m begging you.  The only downside is that the artist gave him a haircut.

(Crimes of Passion: Secret Admirer)

I haven’t read anything DCeased related, and while I know Hartley gets his time to shine and kiss David, I can’t tell you much beyond that.  I’m pretty sure there’s other people who can tell you more, but it’s not me I’m afraid.  (This is me saying guys, please tell me about Hartley in DCeased, someone tell me about my fictional lavender marriage husband.)

#Anonymous #ask #hartley rathaway #pied piper #pied piper dc #dc #(for my own records) #i'm biased and i hope the read more keeps the worst of this off of my followers' dashes #hope this helps!!!!

[anthonycrowleymoved]

As a non-American whose only experience of jeopardy are screencaps from tumblr and three (3) SNL clips, I don't understand jeopardy at all like? How do you win? You bzz bzz a statement and give another statement and they go wweee like wtf was rhat what's going on what i don't what huh what?

okay please understand i am not making fun of you but good lord i’ve been watching jeopardy since i was about two because my grandma used to watch it religiously and she’d babysit me and my whole family it was like. a bonding time in my youth so seeing someone who thinks this is what it is is like. a bit of a trip. anyway i am going to attempt to explain something that is ingrained into my psyche since childhood for the nonamericans who Don’t Get It please stand by sorry if this is confusing

okay, based on this post i think your biggest point of confusion is actually how the question is answered. what they do is give you a statement and you have to give the answer in the form of a question, as opposed to other trivia shows where you just. answer the question. so think of it this way: if the clue they give you is something like (and i’m giving an answer i think a lot of people will be able to follow) “this pop star, who previously played hannah montana on a disney channel show, reached number one in 2013 with her hit wrecking ball.” the contestant would buzz in and answer “who is miley cyrus?” in order to answer correctly. like, you’re basically answering the question in reverse, which sounds confusing, but you get used to it.

there’s two rounds, jeopardy and double jeopardy (where the clues are worth double the points), and each round has *checks notes because somehow this still confuses me* six categories of five questions each, which can be literally anything. the questions go up in value (in the first round they’re worth $200-1000 each, going up by $200 intervals. in double jeopardy the amounts are doubled), and typically the lower value questions are easier and the high value questions are harder. if you answer it correctly the value of the question is added to your score. if you answer it incorrectly, it’s deducted. the only confusing bit here is that there’s one or two daily doubles (one in the first round, two in the second). if you answer a question correctly, you get to pick the next question that’s read, and if it’s a daily double you don’t have to compete against anyone (there’s usually three people who buzz in if they know the answer. in daily doubles it’s one person who can answer on their own, and they have a bit longer to think about the answer. also, they tend to be a bit more challenging, but that’s not always the case), and you can choose how much money you wager. if it’s a category you know nothing about you can bet nothing, if you think you’ll know the answer you can bet all of the money you’ve accumulated.

at the end of the two rounds, there’s final jeopardy, where the contestants all have to answer one question. they’re given a category and they make a wager based on how much money they’ve accumulated and if they think they know enough about the category. then the question is read and they have.....30 seconds?......to write down their answer. (also the final jeopardy music is iconic if an american asks you a question and it takes you a minute to answer and they start going da da daa da da da da daaaa it’s an inside joke with the whole country) if they get it wrong their wager is deducted from their score, if it’s right it’s added to their score. the player who at the end of all that has the highest score wins and is awarded however much money they won during the game and the opportunity to play again the next day (the other two players are given $2,000 if they came in second place or $1,000 if they came in third).

alright, that’s basically gameplay, or at least how i can explain it to the best of my ability, but i feel like also using this space to like. explain WHY it’s so universal here. so like, jeopardy is one of those shows that’s been running forever, on basic cable. i’m. not completely sure how it is in the rest of the world but we have like, pbs, which is a public nonprofit channel probably most similar to the bbc, but then we have like four or five for-profit channels that tend to be local broadcasts that you can usually pick up on antennas and may not even have to pay for, as opposed to cable packages which you can’t do that with. jeopardy airs on those local channels, so even if you didn’t have cable you probably have access to it. on top of that, it airs every weekday, usually at 7 or 7:30 (paired with wheel of fortune, which is another show that i think is more widely adapted and also i don’t want to get into here), which means it tends to be in the middle of local news and prime time shows that air nationally. so like, culturally, even if you don’t watch it regularly, it’s at sort of a weird time where everyone is usually home but not a whole lot is on, particularly on local channels, so you’ve probably at least caught the occasional episode. also, the show has been on since the 80s (and i think a bit before, but they kind of revamped it and the format hasn’t changed significantly since then, but i digress) and the host (who always struck me as a really good guy btw) just died, so it kind of feels like the end of an era. like i would use my one valid parasocial relationship card on mr trebek because he often ate dinner with the fam, and i think a lot of americans feel that way (even though the dude was actually canadian). so anyway, that’s the quick and dirty overview of jeopardy. it’s a good time

#nonny mouse #inquiries

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Shinkai: Ginsei no Shou - Saito Hajime Chapter #7 English Translation

My translation of the 7th Ginsei no Shou chapter for Saito... It’s probably because that this is my favourite chapter from the game and one that I found especially enjoyable to read (and had more of an understanding of it before getting translations for this lol) that I somehow translated this in record time when compared to all the other things I’ve worked on.... 

Unlike Kazama’s final Tsukikage chapter, the dialogue for this wasn’t all separated line by line in the CN TLs I found for the Saito chapters [NAMELY BECAUSE I WROTE EACH DAMN FUCKING WORD OUT FOR THAT CHAPTER], so some of the text in this remains lumped together. Also, huzzah for google translate providing the translations of place names since I wouldn’t have been able to translate the Japanese words that had been left in the original tl for this otherwise. I don’t usually make adjustments based on the original JP text until I start editing for the video... which will be done later.

All images used in this post were screencaps of game footage I recorded through vlc... also is it just me who feels that my English comes across as a lot more archaic when I stick to the original tl sentence structure...? lol. Anyway, as always, my translation may not be 100% accurate since I do not translate from Japanese.

PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ANOTHER GINSEI NO SHOU SAITO CHAPTER... one that I do not intend to translate right away... well I also include it in a note about what chapter it refers too. lol. it’s right below the cut.

Enjoy~! OR ELSE! MWHAHAHA!!

(jk, lol. plus, i’m too lazy to think of anything. oh and im currently working on the subtitle positioning for this now as the file got transferred recently since i finished the first round of timing [i need to do this multiple times to get the fade in/out of my subtitles to match the timing of game text’s fade/in... or to at least have them as close as possible] before having all of these tech problems.)

--------------------

Forward Notes

Based on what I remember from tokio-fujita’s notes (sorry but I didn’t check since im kinda busy rn, and the internet on my laptop is kinda unstable as I’m still transferring files... 17.3 gb remains from the dramas transfer) on Saito’s position in the Shinsengumi after leading them to Aizu, I’ve left his position as taichou in this translation due to how the only English translation for that is ‘captain’ which doesn’t show a difference in roles from when he was the Third Division captain ‘kaichou/kumicho’ [note to self: include this along with the link to the page in the post description later. also i will probably just change this to ‘captain’ anyway when i do my subtitle video].

Chapter 6 and 7 occur in Aizu

Hakuoki Shinkai: Ginsei no Shou - Saito Hajime Chapter #7

Translation by KumoriYami

7th month, 4th year of Keiou, after the Shinsengumi left for Sendai——

The Aizu, who had offended the Satcho were engulfed in the bitter flames of war.

When Shirakawa Castle was attacked, it would be a lie to say that I wasn't worried then.

Hijikata-san, Heisuke-kun, Shimada-san, and Souma-kun.

It was no longer possible to fight alongside the people who we deeply trusted since the beginning.

However……

I still have Saito-san.

Saito-san also me, although/even if/despite how I can't fight alongside him.

We relied upon one another, setting out for Shirakawa——

Shirakawa Castle, which had become the headquarters for my father's rasetsu—— we confronted him and Kazama Chikage there.

As Kazama-san had the overwhelming strength of an oni, if the fight was drawn out, Saito-san would have no chance of winning.

But, we still had....

Comrades we could rely on.

Even if [they] leave. Even if [they/they've] choose/chosen different paths.

As long as they maintained/followed their own bushido, everyone was still heading in the same direction.

I believe that as long as we moved forward, one day, our paths will surely cross again, and we will fight to the very end.

If only/I wish that everyone could see each other one more time, I could only pray that everyone would be safe……

Saito-san once again returned to the battlefield.

4th year of Keiou, 8th month

The Aizu Shinsengumi under the command of the Aizu, fought at the Bonari Pass——

After that, they fought bravely to stop the New Government army from entering Aizu Castle.

By the ninth month however, there were not many members left of the Aizu Shinsengumi, yet they still set out to defend/protect Nyoraido [refers to chapter 6] .

This is the story of what happened while I was waiting for Saito-san after he left. 

Fourth year of Keiou, Ninth month

Fourth year of Keiou, Ninth month

Saito-san and the other members of the troop left camp to protect Nyoraido.

Following his instructions/In accordance with his wishes, I accompanied the men who were seriously injured in battle to the rear of the formation.

Yukimura: Please wait a bit longer, I will treat you immediately.

Soldier:……At the most crucial moment, to be unable to help Saito-taichou, I'm terribly sorry.

Yukimura: ……There was no way you could, you are wounded after all.

Soldier: The taicho, is he really okay?

Perhaps it was because his wounds were too painful, that the soldier continued to weakly repeat himself.

Yukimura: Saito-san will be fine. He will surely come back alive.

In order to reassure the soldier, I spoke decisively/resolutely.

Yukimura: That's why, you need to focus on recovering right now.

Soldier:......Okay, I will.

Three days later.

The soldiers who had stayed in Nyoraido, none of them had come back yet.

The news from the front lines had also been cut off.

All that we knew was was the hopeless information brought back by the wounded.

There weren't enough bandages and medicines, and the wounded kept pouring in.

The soldier's and my worries became more intense.

It was at this time——

Aizu soldier: This is terrible/Bad news! Apparently Nyoraido has been completely surrounded by the enemy! The Shinsengumi in Nyoraido might have completely wiped out.

Yukimura:……!

The moment I heard such a dreadful announcement/news, it felt like the blood had been drained from my entire body. [news/information might be changed for ^^^ sentences. might use intelligence, communication]

A commotion spread throughout the entire formation [camp sounds more appropriate].

Soldier: Yukimura-san……

The wounded soldier looked at me with an anxious expression.

Previously, the instant I heard such news, I probably would have broken down into tears.

But, now——

Yukimura:……When such fierce fighting is going on, all sorts of rumours will be flying around we can't assume that everything is accurate before receiving an official confirmation.

Hearing what I said, the soldier seemed to calm down.

Soldier:……That's right. Before figuring things out, we'll still believe in/continue to trust the Taichou, and wait until he returns.

Even if Nyoraido has been surrounded by the enemy, the Shinsengumi may not necessarily be completely wiped out.

Shinsengumi——they, along with Saito-san, I don't know how many times they had escaped from death.

More importantly, Saito-san cannot die yet.

——flashback——

Saito: Yukimura, I wish to make you a promise.

Yukimura: A promise for me......? What is it?" Saito: No matter what happens in the future....... I will protect you with my life. This decision is not because of the Shinsengumi, Hijikata-san, or an order from the Aizu....... but of my own volition.

——end flashback——

At the time, he promised……

Even now, I can still clearly remember how we kissed after.

Saito-san, he made a promise to me.

He will come back to me.

I repeated those words in my heart over and over again, as if to convince myself......

But my heart was beating wildly, and cold sweat dripped from my forehead.

This wasn't able to eliminate my sense of unease.

Yukimura: …………

I truly wanted to rush over to Nyoraido, to immediately go to his side.

But, my duty right now, is to treat the wounded here.

So…… I could only trust/believe in him, and wait here.

After, I continued to focus on treating the wounded while waiting for Saito-san to return.

But, reports on the situation in Nyoraido, they never came again,

The sense of [them being] defeat[ed] became more intense, and the dreary mood gradually enveloped the entire formation [will probably use "camp"]. [The feeling that they had been defeated became more intense, and...]

Soldier 2: Yukimura-san, isn't it time for you to rest? You look very pale.

Yukimura: No, it isn't time to rest yet/it's not the time to rest.

Soldier 2:……Under these circumstances, if you collapse, once something happens, there won't be anyone to depend/rely on [for what you do]. Even if it's just a short nap…… please, for everyone's sake.

When faced with such a strong request, I couldn't refuse.

Yukimura: Okay. Then I'll go and nap/sleep for a bit.

I decided to go find a corner to go nap in .

Perhaps it was because I was so tired, but once I closed my eyes, I immediately fell asleep.

As I slept, I had a dream.

Yukimura Nn, nn......

I didn't know where I was in this dream, the surroundings were hazy as I looked around.

Where……is this?

Yukimura: Is this the Aizu's…… camp……?

……Right.

I was waiting for Saito-san to come back…… then……

My head felt numb and heavy as I looked around again……

Saito:……Yukimura.

Yukimura: Saito-san……!

The person I wanted to see suddenly appeared before me/Now that the one I wanted to see  suddenly appeared, I immediately got up.

Yukimura: You're back from fighting at Nyoraido! Where are the rest of the soldiers……

Saito:……In regards to this, I have something that I must tell you.

Yukimura: Eh……?

Hearing him say such ominous remarks, I couldn't help but feel confused.

Saito: Even now, you have always been at my side…… My gratitude towards you goes beyond words. If I didn't have you, I wouldn't have been able to continue fighting until now.

Yukimura: Thanks for what [reword later]……

Why was he suddenly saying such a thing?

Yukimura:……To speak of thanks, it's too much, I don't need it [It's too much for you to speak of thanking me/it's unnecessary for you to thank me]. Because, you and I……

We are no longer outsiders [/We can no longer be considered as outsiders/strangers...not sure what i’ll go with here] ——I just wanted to say that.

I don't know why, but I couldn't say anything.

The Saito-san before my eyes/right now, there was a subtle sadness to his expression, as if he was extremely sorry.

He…… wasn't like the one [man] I knew at all.

In this unnatural atmosphere, he spoke solemnly.

Saito: I……there is something I must tell you…… No matter what happens, no matter what you experience/encounter/face…… but now I [reword later]……

Yukimura:……!?

I was too late to ask him——

Saito-san's figure was already starting to fade away, then completely disappeared into the darkness of night.

Yukimura: Saito-san, don't go! What are saying to me——

I shouted out then/and lost consciousness.

When I opened my eyes again, my entire body was drenched in sweat.

Yukimura: Just now, that was a dream……

The foreboding feeling/premonition made my heart beat wildly.

Why was it at this time, that I dreamed of Saito-san?

Furthermore, in my dream, it seemed like he had something to tell me.

I had a bad hunch/felt a sense of foreboding, but there was nothing I could do.

Looking around everywhere, Saito-san and the others still hadn't come back.

Although/Even if I dreaded to think so……

Just now, it was just a bad dream, it shouldn't be a sign that something bad would happen.

Saito-san and the other soldiers, what happened to them?

……No, it couldn't be.

He promised me, he would surely come back.

But, if that wasn't the case?

……If I continued to wait here, would he really come back?

I……

Choices 

【Search for him】 【Believe in him and wait】 <-

Although I wanted to immediately rush to Saito-san's side……

I still remembered what he said before.

——flashback——

Saito:......As time passes, things change. The world, ideals, and even the Shinsengumi. Even so, that does not mean that everything must change. As things change with time, so too will there be things that do not change. And I...... I believe in the things that do not change.

——end flashback——

……Saito-san had never gone against the promise he made me/never broke the promise he made me.

Regardless if it was when he left the Shinsengumi to join the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb, or when he was defeated at/during the Battle of Toba-Fushimi.

Also, there was when he ended up fighting Kazama-san.

In the end, he always came back to my side [me].

So, as he promised, he will certainly come back to me.

So, I too——

Yukimura:…………

An incredible feeling swelled in my chest.

It wasn't because of panic, rather it felt like the stars were whispering to me……

This feeling pushed me out of camp.

Outside of camp was a forest that always looked the same at night [reword later].

Although I didn't know if any of the soldiers would return, I thought……

I felt somewhat dejected, and couldn't help but look up towards the night sky.

It was full of stars, quietly twinkling.

Long before I was born, these stars, they must have been watching the world in silence/been silently watching the world.

No matter how many years passed, these silver stars would always shine in the night sky.

Yukimura: Me too……

Under the allure of the dim starlight, I couldn't help but say this/I was unable to restrain my emotions.

Yukimura: I also…… believe in the things that do not change.

Even if the path forward was covered in darkness, the light that pointed towards the future still shined.

Yukimura: I believe——no matter what happens in the future, you will not change.

Just as I muttered this to myself.

There was the sound of movement through foliage.

I froze, staring attentively in the direction of the sound.

After/Then……

???: Is.…… someone there?

The moment I heard that voice, I burst into tears [or: almost burst into tears]. 

Shortly after, a single silhouette flashed in the woods, and its figure gradually became clearer.

Saito: Chizuru…… is that you?

My beloved/The man/The one I loved was calling my name, I could no longer/was no longer able to control myself.

Yukimura: Saito-san…… Hajime-san!

I shouted his name, throwing myself at him.

Yukimura: You came back……! Hajime-san……!

I wanted to welcome him back with a smile.

I didn't want to be crying when we were reunited.

If I cried, that would make it harder to see Hajime-san’s face……

All sorts of thoughts that I had been repressing came bursting out of my heart.

Saito: Ah…… I'm back, Chizuru. Didn't I promise you that I would return? Why are you crying? Could it be, that you didn't believe me?

Hearing Hajime-san's question, I shook my head.

Yukimura: How could I not trust you. However, I was always worried…… [and] when I heard the bad rumours at camp, my heart felt like it was going to crack/split open. Also…… I had a dream, a dream where you went far, far away……

Saito:……I see.

As I cried, Hajime-san awkwardly embraced me.

His uniform, it was completely dirty……

Although his uniform was black, a single glance showed that there were bloodstains and bullet holes everywhere.

Just from seeing him like this, I could tell he had seen a fierce battle. [ or "it was as if I could see a fierce battle." check jp mtl]

A moment later, Hajime-san showed a bitter expression.

Saito: When [we were] surrounded by the New Government Army, I was prepared to be completely wiped out/defeated…… At this time, one of the seriously injured/wounded soldiers told me: we've all been injured [been completely beaten... or some other word that i think of later that implies helplessness] and can no longer be of use to fight. Leave us behind and get out of here with the rest of the troop members——

Yukimura:……!

The decision that had been before Hajime-san, the weight of it left me speechless.

Saito: The me from before, perhaps I would have accepted this proposal. But…… the me now, it was impossible [reword later]. Hijikata-san entrusted me with the leadership of the Shinsengumi. Additionally, I could not leave those who trusted me and stayed/chose to fight together with me when the Aizu were abandoned.

Yukimura:……Nn.

I looked straight into Hajime-san's eyes, and nodded approvingly/nodded in agreement.

Hearing about the changes in Hajime-san's heart, I felt delighted/happy, as if it was my own affair.

Saito: If I had accepted that soldier's proposal, I likely would have returned sooner…… Carefully leading the troops back, it took longer than I thought…… I'm sorry for making you worry about me.

After listening to Hajime-san's words, I shook my head.

Yukimura: I……that's not important/it doesn't matter.  As long as are you are like this, and as long as you come back to me…… that's enough.

Saito:…………Yes [alt I see/is that so. check audio].

Yukimura: What happened to the other troop members/soldiers?

Saito: Because they're moving while carrying the wounded, I think that it will probably be a while longer before they catch up. But they will certainly catch up.

Yukimura: So it's like that, that's good……

Just by/from feeling Hajime-san's temperature [warmth] and his breathing, I was already very happy.

As long as he was like this now, and alive [As long as he lived like this now]…… being at my side, it was enough.

From the way he was looking at me, I could clearly feel that he felt the same way I did.

Saito:……Even for myself, I find it/feel that it's incredible/unimaginable.

Yukimura:……?

I tilted my head, not understanding what he meant.

Saito: Previously, I thought, the ideal wish of a warrior/samurai [check audio] would be to die in battle. However, I now fight for the sake of my comrades, so as to survive [so that we survive/live. chck jp mtl].

Indeed, if it was the past Hajime-san, when faced between choosing life and death, he likely wouldn’t have hesitated.

But......

Yukimura: I.......love the you now....... and I love the you back then. No....... no matter however you are, I will always accept you.

Hajime-san's eyes narrowed in satisfaction.

Saito:……You once told me before. The answer, the one I painfully struggled to find, whatever it was, you would accept it.

Yukimura:……Nn.

Saito: The one who changed me, it was probably you, Chizuru.

Yukimura: Eh......?

Saito: At the most dire point/height of the fighting, I thought of your face…… and my determination to not die grew stronger. Furthermore, every time I thought of how you were doing everything to help the wounded at camp, I kept thinking that these soldiers must not die here.

Yukimura:…………

Carefully listening to my lover's voice, his words, made me feel infinitely happy. [Listening to my lover's voice, his words made me feel extremely happy.]

When Hajime-san was desperately fighting at Nyoraido, if I was able to provide him some courage……

Nothing could make me happier. 

After a short while, Hajime-san slightly tilted his head, almost as if he was urging something.

There was no need to ask what would happen next.

I closed my eyes, quietly responding to him.

After a pleasant wait, our lips were pressed together.

This kiss, it was very restrained, just like how he was.

My heart was beating loudly.

These thoughts became increasingly stronger in my heart, how I wish the two of us could stay in this forest at night forever. [check jp mtl. i’m probably going to go with something to the effect of: How I wish we could just stay forever in this moment, alone and encompassed by this forest at night.*this sentence is pissing me off lol.]

No matter what happens, I will never leave him again.

Saito:……From now on, I will never let you be this sad again. So, let me see you smile/your smile. In order to see your smile, no matter what happens, I will always return to you. [check jp mtl]

Before, I once asked him what he would do one day if he had to drink the Ochimizu for the Shinsengumi……

The answer that came from his lips without any hesitation, was to 【drink it】.

Yukimura:…………Nn. Hajime-san…… Hajime-san, as long as you stay by my side, I will always be happy.

He had asked me to smile, but i couldn't help but to continue crying...

As a result, I was smiling and crying in front of the person that i loved.

About half a month later, the 22nd of the 9th month——

The Aizu-han, which had been firmly resisting the New Government army, surrendered.

——End——

--------------

well, I probably could have made it easier for myself if I just copied the flashback text from SK/KW/EB... but I just couldn’t bring myself to look up the games to copy said text (had to uninstall them from my old pc for space to take stuff off my passport) since it’d really bother me knowing if I copied something than said it was my translation... which is why i didn’t. ah well. as a translator, the idea of taking credit on something that i didn’t translate really doesn’t sit well with me... but I still think that what I did for those parts came close to what I remember from the games...   

gotta say though: I really dislike the word 「隊士」. In both Chinese and Japanese... and that, as a translator,  i really don’t like how the Gregorian calendar names the months lol. it’s just so much easier to just leave the date as what it says based on the old Japanese calendar... with the era name and month number. let’s me not worry about doing research to ensure the accuracy of things (i require that all of my videos be precise when it comes to dates)... 

also, i wish it’d snow everyday for a week. id get motivated enough to finish a chapter with that.... tho it’d need to be a heavy snowfall so it’s very visible. lol. maintaining my motivation on one thing for a long period of time just doesn't come easy to me... especially when it’s something that has +4000 words in it.

#Hakuoki #Hakuouki #Saito Hajime #Hakuoki Ginsei no Shou Translation #Hakuoki Game Translation #Yukimura Chizuru #hakuoki shinkai

[zirkkun]

Yo you have every right to be upset about things! You're still a person with your own feelings and deserve to be treated kindly. No one should come at you for making things you enjoy or for misunderstandings. I hope things get better for you even if I wasn't here for when all the drama happened (or maybe I was and just wasn't aware of it? I tend to avoid drama as much as possible tbh)

I didn't really post about it much. I think I answered about 4 asks about it (three of them in the same post because i was sure it was the same anon due to the similar string of seemingly continued messages) and the rest I just deleted as soon as they came in, but I got... A lot. A lot of mean things said too. Kinda hurts when you wanted to make something because you knew this work was highly criticized and wanted to let people give it a second chance only to be shot down by the people you were hoping to defend lol

In short, and a lot of it I missed because I was blocked by a lot of people so my friend sent me screencaps; someone took I believe only the old ask box post I had for ULR, which at the time was called "Underlust Rewrite," and was disgusted at the fact that everything was revamped and "made for kids" (because it's not 18+ explicit content, but as I've said before, it's just cause I'm too scared to be horny on main, and I've literally made a whole different biological system for ULR so I can write the necessary story ""sex scenes"" without it being human-like sex or otherwise uncomfortable or too explicit for me to draw, but I still consider it a mature story overall), so they blocked me instantly here and on twitter and then made a callout post on twitter itself. People were telling me originally to stop calling the AU Underlust, and I didn't really get it at first, because like, what's the difference between my spinoff and, say, Underlust Gold, Swapfell Indigo, TS!Underswap, you know, names that have add-ons from the original title to differentiate it but still connect it to the source. So that's what I said, as well as if I removed the Underlust name, it would be considered stealing to me, because I'd be disconnecting it from the source. But apparently, instead, what had been the concern was that it was just being called "Underlust" and the "Rewrite" aspect was implying I was replacing the original story, which like, had never been my intention and I've made a bunch of things with both the ULR and UL cast together and love the idea of Lust and Ace meeting up and just being a disaster duo of not working together at all. I just adore Underlust like it's in my pinned FAQ, Lust's been in my banner for months now, and he's practically my staple pfp character on every account but here atm.

It took like 3 days for it to actually click what was going on, because once I finally got the chance to have a conversation with someone where they weren't telling me I was the scum of the Earth -- which, honestly, bless the three people I talked to, they were so sweet (which actually included someone from the Japanese side of the fandom whose art I loved too... yeah it got pretty far. Once I sent them a message though it was cleared up quickly and they did post a clarification post about ULR and me, so that was nice to see.) -- I finally got the chance to realize that this was a misunderstanding from the beginning, from both sides, where people coming at me were saying I was doing all of the stuff above and probably more but those stuck the most, while I was confused as to where this information and accusations were coming from and what they were referring to in the first place. They probably never explained it in the anon asks because, well, they probably assumed I knew what I was doing, but when they came at me about something I didn't do with vague context of something I did do, I was very confused, and got really defensive really quickly, and really honestly snapped pretty hard. After my first initial explanation post and people were still trying to tell me to stop ULR/don't call it Underlust/whatever else there was, I just got tired and told people to block me if they didn't like it. But that didn't really stop anyone and honestly made it worse because that's when I started getting really nasty messages. I like... Specifically remember one where someone called me a lowlife and a thief, and that one stuck the most, but I tended to not read through them before deleting them for my own sanity. I actually did this to one of the people who'd later talked to me calmly about it at first too, because I had just woken up, and really didn't want to read an essay lecture on everything everyone's been telling me at the crack of 7am when I was borderline ready to delete my account and start over lol

Some people I do remember were accusing me of trying to censor nsfw content or erase it as well because ULR isn't 18+, and I'm out here on my horny ass like "wh. What are they talking about, where did you get that idea, have you SEEN my ao3 recommended list," /j but in all seriousness I really didn't understand that accusation at all because I've never been against nsfw content in the slightest and lowkey? This is very dumb -- but like, you know how they say when you get hate mail, you know you've made it? Well, for me, my thought has always been, "When there's 18+ fancontent of my OC's, I'll have finally made it." This is... Not a joke, some of my friends think its very weird LMAO oh well. I've been on the internet for far too long at this point -- like, definitely since I was far too young, probably, and being with a family of the next youngest being 12 years older than me, I really dove into stuff pretty quickly I definitely shouldn't have, but hey that's life -- I'm really unfazed by mostly anything now. Hell, me making ULR was honestly half motivated by me wanting to make others more comfortable with this kind of media, discussing sexuality and otherwise sexual-considered topics, without really being embarrassed or bothered by it. Because, people talk about death and killing and whatever other gorey stuff just fine, but the moment sex comes up, people just gasp in awe, y'know? I kind of grew up that way myself but like... ironically, in being more comfortable with my asexuality, I realized that it's honestly not that big of a deal. Sure, we don't need to hear the details of everything. We don't need to hear the details of a murder either. But I will never understand how murder is always the lowest on the "morally wrong list of things to not to" to so many people and that it's fine to mention, but even consider bringing up anything else and it's like, a sin and you're a bad person. Even racism is like, higher up on there for a lot of people, which it's like... this is an issue that needs to be discussed, or it can never be solved. You can't just kick that away and hope it goes away on its own, that's never how it works.

Ah, well, now I've gone off tangent lol. Sorry to make you read a blob of text lmao but having things in a cohesive format of what I've been thinking does feel a bit better. Thank you for the support regardless, and I do want to keep making what I really enjoy, because frankly, I really want to make things that make people take a step back and think for a moment, y'know? Things that invoke like a realization in yourself about something you didn't even know. That's how fiction's always been for me, so I want to give back by making it that way too. ... maybe my horny content is exempt from this however. That's just. Self indulgence LMAO.

Probably helps that I'm actually talking this all out for once, too, since before any of this I tried to keep as much of the situation contained to myself as possible in hopes I could clean it up before it got too bad. That was, in hindsight, probably a terrible idea lol. But I didn't want to be a source of stress for anyone following me or become the new creator-to-defend that like, 50% of people hate and 50% of people love and that you're either on one side or the other and there's no where in between. (I feel like Arin Hanson comes to mind for me every time I think of someone like this.) I know I can't please everyone and I knew internet hate would come eventually, but like, didn't expect it to be over a name or tag choice. I thought that would be a simple enough DM or clearable thing but apparently not, especially since I saw someone a few weeks ago delete their blog over a similar thing (though, the opposite, in a way: posting nsfw in a sfw tag by mistake). It wasn't in the UT fandom so y'all probably weren't following them (tbf I wasn't either, I just witnessed it happen from start to finish), but it was still disheartening.

Anyway, thank you, and sorry to make ya read all of that (if you actually did vahdbs don't blame you if you don't it's a lot of thought dump lmao)💕💕

#zircon answers #anonymous #all this happened like the DAY i got accepted onto the bhc team to and i was like #alright guys am i being kicked out day one lol #like i was expecting the worst from this whole thing #but im still kind of happy with how i worked it out #i really wish more people were like #willing to talk things out rather than just spit in a general direction and hope youll listen #because like even the people i talked to calmly some of them were pretty rude at first! but! #theyre not bad people #they were just scared for their favorite thing #i cant blame them for that and honestly i do consider the hatred justified under the circumstances that they knew #but they were all really nice after we talked things out #and were like 'i hope your series does well' and that really meant a lot honestly #death mention tw//

[rotationalsymmetry]

So that I’m posting about something other than tumblr drama, have some old as fuck webcomic recs. In general some of these have adult themes but none are unsafe for work. Most of these I found back around 2006-2008, when I was reading webcomics as my main form of not doing whatever I was supposed to be doing.

The Princess: cute comic about a trans girl. Girl as in not an adult. (Themes of transphobia, but overall positive/optimistic tone. Not an adult themes comic.)

Darths and Droids: screencap comic of Star Wars as a table top role playing game. Very well executed. Keeps making me want to read DM of the Rings but every time I try I get disappointed. Warning: there is a lot of it. (As best I can recall this comic doesn’t get any raunchier than the movies.)

Questionable Content: I’m doing current page rather than first page on this one. If you go back to the beginning, be aware that it gets better and much more queer later on. Also has a lot. Slice of life/coffeeshop original. Has a recurring theme of “character is lonely and bad at doing the having friends thing, makes friends.” Nobody can keep track of all the characters.

Queen of Wands: the webcomic that got me into webcomics. (Some stuff might have not aged well? I haven’t read it in a while. A bit of polyamorous rep near the end. Slice of life. Young adults being young adults. Starts with a joke of the day format, has some high drama arcs later on. Has an actual ending.) (the follow-up comic Punch and Pie nominally has an ending but I found it kind of unsatisfying? It’s enjoyable on a strip to strip basis though. Realistic polyamorous rep in that “polyamorous, but is not actually seeing anyone or is only seeing one person at a time in practice” is in fact pretty common.)

The Devil’s Panties: less exciting than it sounds, but kinda a comfort comic in a weird way. Apparently still going. Slice of life/autobiographical. Has fun with the shoulder angel/shoulder demon trope. This comic has a special place in my heart because it covered the protagonist breaking up with a long time partner when I was working up the nerve to do the same thing. Also, it’s written by a Unitarian Universalist.

Dykes to Watch Out For: has some formatting issues. Origin of the Bechdel Test. It’s about dykes. And feminism. And being the sort of dork who doesn’t know how to connect with people except by ranting about politics. Relatable?

Manic Pixie Nightmare Girl (sorry you’ll have to google for it): this one is kinda dark but it’s, uh, something. Trans woman creator.

Hyperbole and a Half: I’m throwing you into the middle of this one. Link is for one of the depression strips. Title is accurate. Autobiographical. There’s physical books now so this is something you might be able to get from the library or bookstore if you’d rather have paper.

1/0: this is a terrible comic, do not read it. (Man, I miss the early days of webcomics where half the creators had zero art skills.) (No really, I do. It feels dramatically harder to find new webcomics now and I don’t know why. Sometimes you just want to read super random amateur shit, you know?)

A girl and her fed. I don’t know what to say about this. The art style changes dramatically. There’s a talking koala with a bad attitude and the ghost of Benjamin Franklin. I have no idea what the genre is supposed to be.

Spikey haired dragon, worthless knight: black and white comic with light fantasy elements. Kind of a downer just so you know. No longer active. Weekly links to flash games that may or may not still be working.

Phoebe and her unicorn: kinda like Calvin and Hobbes if Calvin was a girl and Hobbes was a self-absorbed unicorn. This one’s family-friendly.

Kimchi cuddles: the touchy-feely polyamory webcomic.

Anyways, enjoy, or don’t, it’s up to you.

#webcomics recs #recs #well these are webcomics that exist anyways #long post

[tentacletherapissed]

Public Callout: Paradox, Blue, Jay, Bird

This is a public callout post for users Paradox (@rushifaas -- previously @mournins ; @beliisms), Blue (@divinebetrayed ; @halcyonfought), Jay (@loyalbetrayed) and Bird (@soulsbetrayed). They are active in the fandoms Persona, Fire Emblem, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Danganronpa, Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor, Sentai, Power Rangers, and Kamen Rider. 

Never in my 15 years of roleplaying have I met a group of abusers and enablers so toxic, and this post is a PSA so that I can hopefully keep others from falling into their hands. Please blacklist them ALL for your own safety, however, DO NOT ENGAGE THEM WITH HARASSMENT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. 

Keep in mind, Paradox’s actions are so egregious, he is already getting charges pressed against him by two different people he abused so far, and more may be on the horizon. The rest all enable this behavior and defend him despite all that he’s done to harm them and people they previously called friends. While this callout has snapshots of receipts proving our claims sprinkled in at the mention of them, for full transparency, the full comment chains will be uploaded at the end so that context for everything will be supplied, with censoring only provided for those who have nothing to do with the conflict and wish to be left out of it.

Strong trigger warning for mob mentality, mental and emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, transphobia, pedophilia, ableism, and a lot more. Details under the cut.  (7,300+ words, be mindful) 

[Gdoc link in case Tumblr’s formatting is unreadable]

OPEN ALL LINKS AS NEW TABS, I’M SORRY TUMBLR SUCKS AT THIS

Note: Paradox claims to have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and claims to have many alters which are sometimes go by the names of Abel, Vic, Nikki, Hebel, Cain, and Ana in some of these screencaps. I will not be arguing the veracity of such claims in this callout, but for simplicity’s sake, I will be referring to everyone in his system solely by the name of “Paradox” since there is a considerable amount of confusion based on who said what and it’s not entirely clear who’s supposed to be talking in a lot of these screenshots. He also claims to have several other mental disorders like depression, anxiety, and BPD, but regardless of anyone’s mental illness, they should treat those around them with respect and kindness, which is why this callout has been made.

________________________________________________________________

MAIN EVENT - Early September 2018 / June 10th

Paradox is the ringleader of this little cult. A few months ago, he was dating my friend Nael (occasionally called Arin, Ciel, Naoya or Hevel in some of these screens). I first got alarmed about the health of their relationship during an incident in early September 2018 where Paradox threatened to commit suicide over a conflict having to do with RPing and prioritizing one blog over one he liked. [September Break Up: Singles] They broke up, but after a lot of guilt tripping from Paradox and others in his group, my friend Nael decided to get back together with him. Even though I had a lot of misgivings about the situation, I told Nael that I respected their decision and wouldn’t pressure them either way. [Scout and Nael: 12, 13]

Months went by, and I didn’t hear much due to specifically asking Nael not to tell me about their significant other and that group of friends, but things were going downhill. There were many more fights over roleplaying and shipping, some of which Blue and Jay expressed concern about privately, especially since it seemed Paradox himself was ignoring his other lover Kieran for Nael. [For Me: 13, 15, 16] 

Paradox’s behavior continued worsening until it came to a head in mid March 2019. Blue and Nael were getting invested in an rp campaign I was running on a private server. When Nael showed off a picture they drew portraying their character, Paradox became extremely upset at them. After a solid week of enduring abuse from their lover [Abel Suicide: 1, 2, 6], it eventually culminated in Paradox apparently trying to take his own life after Nael attempted to break off their relationship. [Abel Suicide: 22, 23, 24] Nael was able to contact their mutual partner Kieran (sometimes called Kie or Vampy in screens) so that he could send the police to Paradox’s home and he would be rushed to the hospital. [Nael: 11]

Nael has multiple health issues that include heart disease and problems with their brain, and was so traumatized by the experience, they had to go to the hospital themselves [Nael: 19, 20 ; Before / After Suicide: 43]. Because I was terrified at the possibility of Nael dying from the escalating nature of their toxic relationship, I urged them to go through with the breakup. Nael decided to take my advice and broke up with Paradox and Kieran on a group chat while on a screenshared call with me and another friend who wishes to remain nameless. [Before / After Suicide: 46]

Blue was at first on board for the breakup and supportive of Nael’s decision [Blue Agrees: Singles] but at the persuasion of Jay decided to believe Paradox’s story when he said Nael had misrepresented what he said when he told Nael he would probably drop Blue due to the breakup. [Copy of Group DM: Full] Keep in mind, we have the FULL attempted suicide dropbox [Abel Suicide: Full], and the breakup conversation including Paradox’s abusive behavior before the attempted suicide attempt. [Before/After Suicide: Full] Much of what Paradox says are blatant falsehoods. In addition, Kieran (Vampy) no longer agrees with the things he has said to support Paradox’s argument and says he was pressured to agree with everything, even if it didn’t feel right.

So instead of making it clear to either of us that Blue no longer considered us friends, she instead gave us the silent treatment and leaked what I vented to her in confidence to Paradox behind my back. She only admitted to doing this when I confronted her after finding a vague post Paradox made that used the exact same wording. [Scout vs Blue: 1, 3, 4] I was extra furious with her because Paradox was making it sound as if it was Nael saying those words when in fact they had no idea what I said to her and was highly distraught when they found out about the vague post. Her excuse was that she didn’t think we would find out. [Scout vs Blue: 7, 9]

This is a common theme with their relationship that shows the extent of how complicit Blue is with Paradox’s abusive behavior. Due to her once close relationship with Nael, she often served as the “bait” to bring Nael back, agreeing that the relationship is unhealthy at first [With Blue: 12] only to go back to heaping abuse on Nael for leaving and trying to persuade them to come back [Nael’s Last Conversation with Blue: Full].

By then, Nael had already blocked everyone else in the cult-like group except Blue due to a promise they’d made to her, and she abused this trust right away by pulling Nael into a group chat so that everyone could yell at them. [Scout vs Blue: 10, 11] IF YOU BECOME A PART OF THIS GROUP, THIS IS WHAT YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO. If you do anything to provoke Paradox’s ire, you will be subjected to a firing squad full of people yelling at you for whatever you did. You will not have a chance to defend yourself, only grovel for forgiveness until they decide they’re through with you. Nael and other members of the group have been subjected to it many times.

Unfortunately, there are no surviving screencaps of this particular dispute, but I do have the one I was involved with. More on that later.

Eventually Nael left and blocked Blue so that they couldn’t be added back to get yelled at more. For the sake of our RP, we agreed upon a peaceable way to continue the server RP [Scout vs Blue: 12, 13, 14, 15, 16] but Blue eventually exited that too [Scout vs Blue: 17]. During the three or so weeks they were split apart, Paradox vagued continuously about us, copied our behavior and prior ships he had with Nael with others currently in his cult, and sent Nael threatening and unstable messages [“Goodbye, Nael”: Single]. While behind their back, he was privately making light of the situation and even made bets with his stooges about when Nael would return [Betting: Singles].

Here’s where I have to put an important disclaimer: During Nael’s time away from the main cult, we both would snoop on his and Blue’s blogs to see if they had mentioned us. Also, during the period immediately after Blue sold me out to Paradox, I became enraged and sent him a pretty angry message [Scout Loses Their Mind: Single], commented on one of his posts, and indirectly threatened them with my popularity compared to theirs in the community I was in. All of those things were the direct result of piss poor decision making and I apologize for my behavior, because it was simply not right to do, no matter who I thought I was defending. Though the blog snooping continued, I thankfully sent no more harassing messages to anyone from the group once Blue indicated she wanted a clean break from us, and no vaguing messages were made on either of our blogs.

Worse still, I privately speculated if this latest suicide attempt Paradox had gone through was “real” or not, which is totally unacceptable. Though I was just concerned about my friend and worried that this might have been another attempt to manipulate them, all threats of suicide should be treated seriously and the proper authorities contacted, PERIOD, regardless of how “serious” the threat might seem. I definitely agree with Nael’s decision to contact the authorities as it was happening, and I’m relieved to know another life wasn’t tragically lost, no matter what my situation is with Paradox after the fact.

Now, with that out of the way… Eventually, Paradox was able to get through to Nael by convincing them that I had lied about a certain mental disorder he was assumed to have. This is all despite me never having said he didn’t have it as I do NOT have the medical condition described and am NOT a medical professional. Paradox willingly passed medical records through a mutual friend [Consent: Single] that Nael initially found convincing but has recently come to doubt. Note: PLEASE NEVER DO THIS, OBVIOUSLY.

Paradox then convinced Nael to pretend to be my friend for a little longer so that he could lure me into a groupchat under the impression that I was defending him from all his former friends. Here is the entire chat almost in its entirety (a few glitches in captures results in a few repeats and nearly 4 minutes straight of lost content), with screenshots proudly taken by BLUE [Her Discord Drop: Single], who played an instrumental role in helping it happen. While I would encourage everyone to read it in its entirety, please be warned that the amount of abuse I endured is very troubling. [Scout Trap: Full] 

Please note that Nael (Hevel), Kieran (Ghostie), and Dave have all come to me and personally apologized to me for their role participating in that group chat and we are friends now. But at the time due to this traumatic experience, my friendship with Nael was officially ended. Even though I was worried sick about them, I knew they couldn’t be saved until they saw Paradox’s abusive behavior for what it was on their own. And of course, after a brief honeymoon period, the abuse started again. (Keep in mind, I wasn’t in contact with Nael or anyone else for most of these, so I’m not as familiar about what happened and when.)

The first sign of trouble started on April 16th, not even two full weeks after I had been "defeated". Once again, it was over RP drama, where Paradox became upset at his two lovers Nael and Kieran for shipping with anyone besides him [Initial Ship Drama: 6], even though he usually continues multishipping on his blog with certain people when he pleases. [With Blue: 2] He complained about this endlessly. [Random Paradox Screen]

He continuously gaslit Kieran for about a week, cycling between saying he was going to leave forever [Initial Ship Drama: 9], telling the Kieran to take care of Nael [Initial Ship Drama: 10, 27], giving conflicting directions [Initial Ship Drama: 22, 38], putting himself down so Kieran would feel compelled to console him [Initial Ship Drama: 30, 41, 58], and asking them not to try to pursue romance with him [Initial Ship Drama: 12, 13, 32, 63], only to flip around and say that the idea of romancing them makes him feel “happy”, so he will [Initial Ship Drama: 45, 46], then become upset when either one of them indicated they might need space to either think or just live life like normal. [Initial Ship Drama: 53] Really, the entire thing has to be seen to be believed. [Initial Ship Drama: Full]

Eventually, Paradox’s behavior got so bad that once again, Blue expressed dissatisfaction with his behavior [With Blue: 4], but apparently it wasn’t enough to dissuade her from luring Nael into yet another trap to be yelled at barely a month later on May 17th. [May 17th: Full] 

Confusingly, the reason behind this collective thrashing was that Nael actually overcorrected too much and tried to do more stuff with Paradox, only to be called clingy and possessive when they did. Then, when Paradox told Nael he didn’t want to RP with them anymore, Nael tried to respect his decision and not get involved with group RPs that Paradox was involved with so there would be no pressure either way. This was then held up as an example as to why they were “isolating” themselves from the group. Paradox showed the screencaps to others in the group with very little context to get them riled up and angry at Nael so that they’d be on board to yell at them, again showing his willingness to twist someone’s words to make them a convenient villain, no matter what they do to try to appease him.

Then on May 24th, there was the supposed “death” of the alter “Abel”, (who has since returned yet again). [Paradox: 2] The source of all this drama was that Blue simply mentioned a ship that she was continuing with Nael during a period of time Paradox wasn’t at all receptive to the idea of them interacting. Blue freely admitted to being the source of this conflict in private [With Blue: 21], but had no problem letting Nael take the brunt of the abuse. Once again, she is complicit for enabling actions she knows are wrong and hurtful, judging by the way she expresses concern about them, as long as she’s not the one in the eye of the storm.

Following this conflict, Nael started having serious second thoughts. After getting yelled at yet again about something they didn’t even cause, they had to go to the hospital for a near suicide attempt due to all the stress of being repeatedly attacked by someone they thought they could trust. 

After they got out again, they were pulled into a smaller group chat with the newly formed “Paradox” alter as well as Jay, where it was demanded he answer for the wrongful death of an alter that has since returned. Multiple times, Paradox held up the incident from September, (which was over 9 months prior!) as to why Nael was to blame for Blue’s actions this time. [Paradox: 8, 10] Paradox even told Nael, someone who had been in the hospital just a few short hours ago [Paradox: 5], that their “suicide held no meaning to him”. [Paradox: 32] All of this despite the fact that they had talked about the very same ship on May 6th! [Proof Abel Knew: 10 total]

This was also supposed to serve as yet another “My heart is telling me not to get in a relationship with you” conversation -- a breakup convo, and one their third lover, Kieran, hadn’t even initially been invited to. [Paradox: 59] It was mostly just Paradox yelling at Nael with Jay usually only chiming in to agree with or heap praise on Paradox. [Paradox: 67] Several times, Paradox made confusing reversals, at one point musing “another alter might come and love you again” [Paradox: 49] to going back to insisting they could never be together again [Paradox: 70], then accusing Nael of saying they don’t love him [Paradox: 45, 46]. You might remember this erratic pattern from his conversation with Kieran back in April. This is gaslighting in its purest and ugliest form.

Clearly after this, Nael was rattled and eventually decided to leave. Instead of making any sort of formal goodbye, they just decided to delete their old Discord and make a clean break so there was no way they could be dragged into another group chat and yelled at. The group quickly fell into chaos once again. Paradox quickly began pumping out venting vague posts on his personal and RP blogs, sometimes pitying himself over the way Nael had apparently treated him [Single: Singles], and sometimes outright wishing death on them. [Paradox die: Single] Before long, he cracked and started sending desperate messages to Nael directly despite Nael obviously not wanting to talk. [Paradox Desperation: Singles] And when that didn’t work, of course Blue was deployed to try to persuade them to come back. [Last Convo w/ Blue: 22 pages] Luckily Dave warned them beforehand. [Thanks, Dave!: Single]

To try to convince others in the group that Nael was the bad guy and needed to be stopped, Paradox began feeding lies to his followers about bad stuff Nael was apparently doing. Paradox told Dave that Nael had been badmouthing him behind his back. But when Dave went to confront Nael about their behavior, Nael provided proof that was in fact Blue saying bad things about Dave. That’s when Dave decided to leave, too.

More chaos happened within the group. Soon after, Kieran the supposed third in their relationship got tired of Paradox constantly saying how Nael was “the only person he could ever love” as well as the constant torrent of irrational behavior and abuse. [Paradox Flipping Out: Single] So he left, as well. Aside from many, many more aggressive venting and vague posts, nothing much new has happened as far as group dynamics.

So far Paradox has been mostly fixated on Nael’s absence, but without the contributions of everyone who left, this callout wouldn’t be possible, and they should all be commended for their efforts and their courage for coming to me to apologize personally for their part in the abuse I and others have suffered.

As terrible as Paradox’s behavior has been in this retelling of events, mostly centered around Nael’s situation, it’s really only scratching the surface of how toxic this group is. There are many smaller details and other people he’s hurt that couldn’t fit in this brief recap, so here are a few more things you should know about that will hopefully keep you from this toxic group of friends. 

First I’ll talk about the accounts of people who used to be in the group and go into detail about all the people who are still backing Paradox up despite everything he’s done.

________________________________________________________________

PARTIES INVOLVED

- Other victims -

Kieran:

While Nael took the lion’s share of the abuse from Paradox, it’s important to remember that he was involved with two different people and treated them both badly. Paradox is an outstanding example of what NOT to do when in a polyamorous relationship. 

While there was a brief month long period where everything seemed fine after they started dating on October 23rd, Paradox began heavily playing favorites towards Nael, a pattern that only seemed to get worse over time. Kieran was subjected to long periods of neglect from his lover with Paradox only seeming to remember he existed when he was trying to use Kieran against Nael. Even Blue and Jay noticed this when the relationship was just starting out and rightfully called it out, though only in the safety of a private chat. [For Me: 13, 15, 16] 

Several times during their relationship, when Nael would mess up or try to leave, Paradox would say that Nael was “the only person he could love” (he even wrote a diary about it!) [Copy of Journal: 2 pages] and break things off with Kieran as well. Most of the time without even telling him. However whenever he was trying to condemn Nael about something, he would hold up Kieran to say “What you’re doing is hurting US”, often without Kieran’s consent.

Of course, Kieran was still subjected to the same amount of lies, gaslighting, emotional blackmail, and mental instability from Paradox that Nael had to endure, but the fact is that he was also basically used as a weapon against someone he cared about by someone who was supposed to care about them both EQUALLY.

Ruby:

Ruby is someone who’s been fighting a personal battle with Paradox for years, starting with a dispute that happened, of course, because of an argument about a fictional character. For the past year and a half as of writing this (the harassment started Nov 2017, it is currently July 2019), Paradox has been stalking her blogs and harassing her over this perceived slight. He lied about her to all her friends in an attempt to alienate her from the public, and we have a confession from Nael that says not only was Paradox guilty of sending tons of anon hate towards Ruby even after they had each other blocked, he would send other people (Nael included) to send anon hate after her.

I briefly intervened during this dispute on Nael’s behalf in November 2018 because during that time we were both lead to believe that Ruby was targeting both Paradox and Nael. This is despite the fact that the post Paradox was upset about wasn’t even about him and she barely even knew Nael even existed. Thanks to my help, I was able to negotiate a brief ceasefire that lasted a few months up until Nael’s separation from Paradox in March.

The stalking and harassment started up again as soon as I had been branded an enemy, and eventually it got so bad that Ruby was the first (but not the only) one to announce she is going to try to press charges against everyone still remaining in the group. Although we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, and she’s done and said things that were unintentionally hurtful, she has been very receptive to feedback and has made great pains to change for the better. I support Ruby wholeheartedly in her endeavors to make the ones abusing her pay for what they’ve done. If you want to know a little more about her conflict with Paradox from her perspective, visit her page. [Ruby’s page of Receipts: Full]

- Part of Paradox’s group -

Blue:

Out of all the people on this list, Blue is the most disappointing aspect of all this, seeing as I considered her my friend even before Nael came along. We’d been friends for more than a year by the time the March Madness started, meeting somewhere around February 2018. She was the one who introduced me to Nael in the first place, and Nael was so close to her they called each other their long lost siblings. 

Unfortunately for all of us, Blue can’t stand up to a bully who insults and abuses her friends, even if she knows what he’s doing is wrong. We have multiple screenshots showing instances where she admits that Paradox is in the wrong or being annoying or excessively guilt tripping others based on trivial matters. However, whenever she’s personally on the hook for getting targeted by the ones she calls her “friends”, she quickly falls into line. 

The second Paradox asks her to jump, she asks “How high?” She’s been willingly used as bait to rope Nael back into situations she knows and has even admitted are super unhealthy for them, all because she’s too afraid of being the next one everyone turns on. The only time she shows any semblance of “courage” is when she’s backed up by the rest of the hivemind. She’s too afraid to speak for herself, often parroting what others have already written in a desperate attempt to show external strength and total fealty for her master. 

I have to wonder what exactly it is that keeps bringing Blue back to him, even though we have an entire folder showing times where she has come to her own conclusions that Paradox is unhealthy to be around [With Blue: 24 total] and has a penchant for blaming her whenever his relationship with his two lovers ever took a downwards turn. [Paradox blaming Blue: Singles] It’s not my place to speculate, but it’s safe to say that with all the times she’s personally let me, Nael, and others in our group down, there’s no way in hell we’re giving her another chance. She has made her choice to stay with someone she knew to be an abuser and emotional manipulator -- someone who hurt her and her friends -- and she will have to live with that decision.

Bird:

Ruby’s situation with Bird is very much like my situation with Blue, made all the worse by the fact that they were actually dating at the time. Bird purposefully sold Ruby out to Paradox while claiming they weren’t in contact, all the while she was feeding all of Ruby’s words and private thoughts to him. This is a common theme with this group and why you can’t be friends with just one of them if you don’t want to be involved with the cult as a whole. 

Eventually she was found out and hasn’t really bothered to hide the fact that she’s on Paradox’s team ever since. We also have screenshots of her calling Nael a brat and useless during conflicts Paradox started, like the shipping drama in September. [Misc Bird Folder: 9 total] [Ruby and Bird’s Breakup: 16 total]

Jay:

Now we get to the biggest sycophant of the entire group, Jay. She’s been the one by his side the longest -- for a whopping 4 years -- and one of his most ardent supporters and biggest enablers. While I didn’t know much about her at first, seeing as she was largely absent from what I affectionately call the “six-person beat down”, she’s an invaluable member of Paradox’s cult and basically functions as his right arm and messenger.

If you have a problem with Paradox and want to talk things over with him, he’ll usually insist upon bringing Jay as an “impartial judge”. Not surprisingly, she usually just ends up agreeing with whatever he says and pushing his narrative, all the while insisting she’s being unbiased. She will lie for him, rope cult members attempting to leave back with excuses for his inexcusable behavior, and always swallows whatever lie he has to say wholeheartedly. If he needs a message from Abel passed on to someone trying to persuade them to come back, she’ll deliver it gladly. But if you need her to send a message to him, she’ll curtly tell you not to have her “fight your battles.”

She tried to send an entire drop box of “evidence” to Dave attempting to prove Nael was manipulative and evidence of the alter “Hebel's” existence. In it, Paradox (or rather, his alter Hebel) admitted to trying to spur Nael to kill themselves so that “Hebel” could apparently take over and get Kieran all to himself. [Potential Manslaughter: Singles] All of this was sent as proof that NAEL was the bad guy BY Jay, which is truly mind boggling and shows how far gone she is with regards to him. 

There is a woman in prison the very moment that I’m writing this for spurring her suicidal boyfriend to take his own life [Article], and yet Jay thinks this behavior is okay? And before anyone tries to say that Hebel is “technically” to blame for attempting to push Nael to suicide, this argument hasn’t worked in the courtroom since the 1970s! [Article] IF PARADOX’S ALTER IS A DANGER TO NAEL AND CAN’T BE CONTROLLED, PARADOX HIMSELF IS ALSO DANGEROUS. PERIOD.

This isn’t even mentioning the multiple times she’s seen Paradox himself or his other various "good" alters (everyone in the group has seen, in fact) tell Nael outright that he “wishes [they] would die” [Abel Vent: Single] and that their suicide “holds no meaning to him” [Paradox: 32]. Jay was supposed to be “mediating” the very conversation where Paradox -- not “Hebel” or anyone else -- said that to Nael! And she said NOTHING. Her silence is complicity and she should take the blame for being such an ardent supporter of his abusive behavior. 

Amazingly, there’s even MORE awful things that this group (particularly, but not exclusively Paradox) that I didn’t have any space to discuss in the callout itself, but they can’t go unmentioned. I know this is already super long, so I’ll try to run through them all as quickly as possible, and then we can get to the large wealth of screenshots we have linked at the end, where everything is in context for you to browse at your convenience.

________________________________________________________________

OTHER OCCURENCES

Transphobia: Paradox is a terf, and there’s not much else to say. [For Me: 2] Ironically he said this in a group chat with one of the only two people who identify as trans in their group, his then-boyfriend Kieran. Here’s him heavily fetishizing a failed attempted Corrin muse that he described as intersex, too. [FE Abel Problems: 5 pages] (In parenthesis is a user attempting to check their work. He makes a bit of an error concerning outrealms and dragon gates and whatnot, but please forgive him for those small errors considering how much he had on his hands.)

Abuse victim blaming: Paradox would often tell his two lovers, who are survivors of various types of abuse, ranging from mental, physical, and even sexual, how it’s their fault for letting their past traumas affect them. [Victim Blaming: Singles] Please note that these screenshots were taken in May, nearly a month before they separated from him fully, so they would have no reason to lie to each other about the things he said or needlessly malign his character before they left.

Promoting infighting: Paradox enjoyed watching his underlings tear each other apart for his amusement or to influence their behavior by saying their actions affected “everyone” despite him using false pretenses to get them to fight in the first place. He lied to Dave about Nael comparing him to a user that he wasn’t fond of when it was really Paradox and Blue that had done it. He also lied to Kieran and the entire group to get them all to yell at Nael in a group chat about Nael trying to isolate themselves from everyone when it was really done to please Paradox.

Ableism: Nael is unwell and has brain conditions they don’t feel comfortable with sharing. Instead of being understanding and supportive of them occasionally not understanding things or forgetting things, Paradox would immediately use it as a weapon against them. When “Paradox” first surfaced, Nael claimed that it wasn’t fair to them that the “Abel” alter yelled at them for forgetting about their ship with Blue. Paradox immediately countered that he Nael would no longer be allowed to use the excuse that they forgot things to AVOID being yelled at for minor things. [Paradox: 21, 22] He would constantly do things like this while they were together.

Copying and stealing OCs: Besides stalking the people that left and that he’s grown to hate, Paradox also has a peculiar habit of copying their activities on his blog with the few remaining people in his circle. For example, back in March when Nael’s Grima muse began interacting with a Reyson rper I introduced them to, Paradox made Kieran pick up his abandoned Reyson muse so that he could ship him with his Robin. (This hasn’t been linked to protect the identity of the second Reyson.) Worse still, Paradox has even outright stolen characters and backstories from those that leave. Here Kieran tries to ask Jay to tell Paradox to stop using some of his stolen OCs and she questions why it “would matter” to Kieran before promptly telling him to basically take a hike and blocking him. [Jay: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

Racism: This group seems to relish in their own ignorance when it comes to matters of race. Here are screenshots Dave took where he discussed Paradox saying that Japanese people are white. [No, seriously: Singles] (Please note the dates -- it was back in December, so he has no reason to lie.) Here’s Nael recounting a time Paradox told them that, because they were partially North African, they had to distance themselves from people of their race because other people would only see them as a terrorist. (No caps of that since it was in a call, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt.) Here’s Blue telling me, a black fan, that unintentional racism in a game I enjoyed but was put off by “didn’t matter” and that there was no need for me to “get so salty about it”. [Scout vs Blue: 19, 20] While I don’t think they’re going to any Klan meetings over the weekend, it’s still a bit concerning and something POC muns should be aware of because they can be startlingly insensitive at times. 

Pedophilia: Probably the hardest one to talk about for me personally, but definitely one of the most serious. While I must stress that we haven’t noticed any sort of untoward behavior with underaged USERS thus far, Paradox shows an almost unhealthy fascination with underage MUSES that might be off putting to some people and may spell danger. This actually isn’t the first callout someone has made about his behavior. In 2018 while he went by the name “Vic” and was in the Pokemon fandom, he wrote a disturbing post where a 14 year old girl was killed by a literal penis monster that was saying “penetrate” as it ran her through the middle. 

Though the mun was fine with their muse dying, the obvious sexual connotations of the post left them feeling uneasy. When they went to approach him about this, instead of apologizing, he got defensive and said that because it was fictional, it didn’t matter. Later he made a bizarre case arguing that because the girl was 14 and thus had presumably experienced puberty, it couldn’t TECHNICALLY be considered pedophilia. [WTF: Single] Which, while correct on only the most technical of terms, flies in the face of all reason. Here’s the full PSA about him back then [Paradox PSA], and screenshots he was booted out of for his terrible behavior. [Paradox Booted: Singles] (His then-lover initially tried to defend him, but his abusive behavior eventually drove them away as well, so care was taken to keep them anonymous.)

Most disturbing of all, though, is a smut drabble that he made this year concerning one of his newer muses, Momo. On his blog, he describes Momo as someone who is “physically” 18 but “actually” seven due to the circumstances of his creation. That would be fine, except he will often portray Momo as also being mentally seven years old even though he continues to write him lewdly. In the smut drabble, he even goes a step further and constantly refers to him as a “child” and constantly fixates on his underdeveloped genitals. 

DUE TO THE HIGHLY GRAPHIC AND POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING NATURE OF THIS DRABBLE, DO NO CLICK UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED. It’s honestly not for the faint of the heart and makes me queasy from the first sentence, but there’s no other way to describe the severity of his awful nature unless you experience it for yourself. [To Endure a Fiend’s Heat: full 6 page drabble]

While some would say it’s okay to experience triggering material in a safe environment to potentially help ease the pain of past trauma, Paradox has already shown himself to be unreliable when it comes to respecting the mental health and safety of others, and though we don’t have any screenshots of this, Nael has recounted several times where Paradox said he was sexually excited by RPing his childlike muses having sex with the adult muses of others in the cult. Here's him once again emphasizing the child like element with one and then drawing them in a suggestive "pin up" pose immediately after. [Vector: Singles]

________________________________________________________________

Finally we are at our end. Once again, my purpose behind this callout is not to shame anyone with a particular mental illness or unique set of challenges. Paradox is dangerous to any community he’s in because of his view of other people as simple playthings that he can use and throw away as he pleases. He treats life as an RP, living people as muses, and his apparent mental illnesses as an excuse to do away with any sort of accountability for his actions, and it is simply NOT ACCEPTABLE. Please protect yourself and others by reblogging this -- I feel as though Nael is very lucky to have escaped this situation with his life. Informing others might save another’s.

Complete, unedited list of references, roughly in the order of mention: 

(Please note that anything labeled “Single(s)” will not have an entry here, as those are the only screenshots we have about them. We got better about capping things as time went on.)

[Scout and Nael Convo: 13 total] When Nael decided to get back together with Paradox the first time in September 2018, I let them know my concerns, but told them I respected their decision, no matter if I agreed with it or not. Looking back, parts of this conversation feel almost prophetic. 

[Didn’t Feel Like…: 9 total] One of Kieran’s first conversations with Paradox. Watch closely how he characterizes the incident in September. He also mentions that his trauma and BPD makes him a sexual fiend, which… idk how others in the community would feel about that.

[For me: 16 total] A loose collection of screenshots Kieran took that shows quite a few odd moments during his time in the cult. That includes Paradox being a terf, Paradox insisting that Kieran to stay with Nael if they broke up (which is something he criticized Nael for suggesting in the March break up, even though Nael only said it once), and Jay and Blue expressing concern for Kieran when Paradox was starting to neglect him back in January. PLEASE MIND THE DATES! They vary page to page sometimes!

[Before/After Suicide: 88 total] A few screenshots showing the tumultuous times immediately before and after the Paradox suicide attempt in March 2019. Afterwards, Nael breaks up with both Paradox and Kieran in no uncertain terms due to the trauma he faced.

[Abel Suicide: 33 total] Paradox’s infamous suicide attempt.

[Nael: 34 total] Nael and Kieran talk as Paradox’s suicide attempt is in progress, and Nael tells Kieran to get the police. Sensitive information blotted out for obvious reasons.

[Scout vs Blue: 25 total] A collection of the conflicts I’ve dealt with in regards to Blue since the incident in March. Also includes her racial insensitivity and back when she agreed with me and Nael before Paradox lied to her.

[Initial Ship Drama: 93 total] Kieran endures like 5 days of nonstop gaslighting from Paradox. At the end (Around page 88) he manipulates Kieran into sparking a confrontation with Nael, telling him to “be assertive” about fixing a problem Paradox caused with his erratic behavior.

[Proof Abel Knew: 10 total] On May 6th, Nael discussed with Paradox or one of his alters about the ship that triggered the May 24th meltdown. Paradox also says that having any ships, including ones that he doesn’t even have to see is unacceptable simply because they exist. He then blames Nael for something Blue brought up. Again. While asking Nael not to blame him for something Blue has done.

[With Blue: 24 total] Kieran talks with Blue about the aforementioned shipping drama, and she immediately expresses frustration and anger with Paradox blowing the whole thing out of proportion. Later she also expresses annoyance with the May 24th incident of the alter “Abel” “dying” due to even more ship drama.

[May 17th: 13 total] Once again, Paradox whips his followers up into a frenzy over Nael, who’s really just trying to do what they were told and prioritize their lover. When they’re told the amount of attention Paradox literally asked for is stifling, they back off, only to be yelled at for it once again. It’s not shown here, but Blue once again acted as a lure to bring Nael into a public flogging.

[Paradox: 72 total] Nael is blamed for the “death” of an alter that has since returned because the alter “wasn’t around” for something they discussed on the 6th of May. This is the introduction to the “Paradox” alter, that I’m assuming now has assumed a fronting role. I don’t really care if that situation has changed since I started writing this.

[Jay: 12 total] Just some screens of Jay kind of being a jerk (mostly in the first set). She won’t tell Paradox to stop stealing someone else’s OCs and stop improperly using Nael’s last name, which is considered legitimate identity theft in France, where he lives! Mind the dates.

[Last Convo w/ Blue: 22 pages] Blue reprises her role as the bait to try to drag Nael back, but they’ve wised up to her game by now. It’s not going to ever work again.

[Jay’s “Evidence” Folder: 122 total] All of the things Jay sent to Dave in order to convince him that Nael was the bad guy. None of it accomplishes that goal. In it there’s a lot of doting between Nael’s alter “Naoya” and Paradox’s alter “Abel”, before Paradox showed the exact same abusive behavior and drove Naoya away as well. Then Paradox’s alter “Hebel” tries to explain his existence. He also admits to attempted manslaughter. So. (Please note: some of these are out of order, and we’re very sorry about this, but it’s not our doing, sorry!)

[Ruby and Bird’s Breakup: 16 total] Ruby tried to get Bird to intervene on her behalf to get Paradox to stop harassing her after she tried making an apology post. Bird totally flaked out, probably due to her dual loyalties to Paradox himself. This spurred a messy breakup between them both.

[Misc Bird Folder: 9 total] Some more random stuff showing Bird and Ruby’s relationship, including her take on Paradox and Nael’s September breakup, where she calls him a “brat”. The entire time during these screenshots, Bird was secretly feeding information to Paradox against Ruby’s will, breaking her trust when she found out. She even told Paradox, Ruby’s abuser, about the new blog Ruby made in order to escape him. That’s why she’s on this callout.

[Discord Server Chat with Blue: 23 pages] The complete chat about the Fire Emblem Heroes event that left me feeling upset about the handling of race in Book 2. While the rest in the server try to be respectful or change the subject, Blue insisted on devaluing my feelings and saying I was accusing her of racism, which was, of course, untrue at the time. Currently, I’m not feeling so generous. (Note: My apologies to fans of Heroes’ Nifl -- I say some strongly worded things here which may be unflattering, but I felt it was important to get the entire conversation down.)

BONUS: [Paradox Guilt Tripping on his birthday: 16 total] In case you needed more evidence of Paradox’s gaslighting behavior, here is him guilt tripping them because Nael, who is not a native English speaker, didn’t understand one video he sent. If this is all it takes to trigger a breakdown, he is probably not ready for a relationship.

#mournins #divinebetrayed #halcyonfought #loyalbetrayed #soulsbetrayed #pokemon #fire emblem #yu gi oh #yugioh #persona #danganronpa #Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor #desu #smt #shin megami tensei #devil survivor #callout #tw: callout #tw: drama #/drama #/callout #Check Mate Let's Go #sentai #kamen rider #ygo #power rangers #atlus #fire emblem 3 houses #fe3h #fe 3 houses

[frenchtoastpanda]

The Leverage finale

Gonna rant in public because @rainaramsay expressed interest. I have no theme this is just my thoughts as I rewatch this episode. Idk why I’m doing this. (Also I don’t know how to format, so sorry about that)

Oh right I forgot that this is a fucking sad episode why am I doing this to myself

Ooh the return of the Steranko! I am very glad they brought that back

I just love when they bring things back in general, like in the white rabbit job all of the companies looking to buy dogson are previous marks and how they have like three brand names for safes that they reuse a lot. It just makes it feel like a real world that people live in.

The theater! Perfect for Sophie! And the mentioned the tunnels, which I believe we encountered in the gold job

Sophie says “I have just the thing” and my immediate response is always “the play’s the thing” even though I know it’s from a different play than the one they are doing

And can we talk about how they are doing the same play as the pilot? Actually I will probably yell about that closer to the end

Parker being all emotionally cognizant and Nate just reciting physics formulas in response

God I love this bit (and I love that they are still including references to Nate’s alcoholism)

Just, Parker, the new mastermind, who doesn’t “let feelings get in the way” (like Hardison - this is the reason he can’t be the mastermind, much to his chagrin. He’s too much of a cinnamon roll)

Nate says she spins problems like puzzle pieces until they click, but I think it’s more like juggling all the fiddly bits inside a lock until it clicks open

HE TRUSTS HER HE TRUSTS HER HE TRUSTS HER!!!!!!!

Zachary is the lead! Love him!

Sophie saying she doesn’t miss acting at all 😏

She is a good director, though

"I'm exactly where I belong" I'm gonna die I am so happy for all of them

Oh no here we go

Cut right to Nate covered in cuts being interrogated about the mistakes he made

"Mr. Ford, how did your friends die?" CUT TO COMMERCIAL

This must have killed me the first time around

I do love this investigator though. I think I remember from the commentary that it wasn't originally supposed to be her, but it worked out really well

Nate looking around like he's confused (and trapped) while not being able to put together a full sentence (I'm not sure if I ever developed a solid headcannon for how much of this scene was him faking and how much was actual injuries from the actual crash) (I'm open to ideas!)

Ellen giving a vicious predatory little smile when she says that she's here to help him

I wish I could do gifs or screencaps or something. This is one of my absolute favorite callbacks! Parker in that little black bonnet thing jumping off a building having the time of her life and the boys do their "twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag" thing (whuch my autocorrect recognized as a phrase for some reason? Do I really yell about that but enough for it to suggest those words in that order? Fantastic)

But this time their faces and voices are full of affection. She may be an insane thief/mastermind, but she's OUR insane thief/mastermind

And coming after the white rabbit job where we had that line about how she's not and never has been crazy, the fact that you can tell they are saying this as a callback without meaning the crazy part is just perfect

It makes me wonder how many other times they have repeated this, because you can't convince me they haven't

Aah Sophie's horrible rendition of Lady Macbeth! Same speech, different ways of doing it just as badly (props to Gina Bellman)

Is this the same outfit? Hold on I need to check.

Y'know, I didn't think they changed that much physically over the years, given that they are adults, but going back to the pilot, I keep going awww look how tiny they were! (Especially Aldis. Like I know they had problems because he was getting too hot and ripped, but Damn)

Anyway, the dress is very very similar, same color and pattern, but it very slightly different. I will maybe post my very very horrible pictures after I finish this

Parker is so good at computers now that she has this adorably bored face when hacking! I love that they taught each other their stuff!

Using chaos as a distraction and co-opting the expected response as a cover! One of my favorite tricks!

Parker changing in the elevator! And the boys turning to give her privacy! And this isn't even the first time they did a callback to this! I love my respectful boys! Remember when Hardison turned the David around? So pure!

Ah, we are setting up for competency porn and then it all goes bad! Aah!

I love Eliot's little "wassup?" Before fighting the guy. Points for intimidation, Spencer

My stronk babies opening an elevator with their fingertips

And Hardison's recurrent fear of heights combined with Parker's love of them

She says "I got you" (twice)

Oh god Beth's acting in the elevator shafts

Oh I'm gonna cry

Oh and a "dammit Hardison"

Oh Gina's face

Even in a situation as tense as this, Eliot still takes the time to empty the gus and toss it away

I don't think I've ever seen him check for an ankle piece, actually. How has that not come up before now?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Age of the geek, brother" I'm sobbing

I mean, so is everybody

Look at this acting!

I love that they didn't go for the clichéd established couple dying in each other's arms, but instead put Eliot in the middle, giving us our yummy hurt ot3 goodness

And Parker sitting up so she sees the other two go

Ugh. Where's that poetic cinéma image when you need it?

Anyone remember the perfectly timed bridge from the pilot?

What number Lucille are they on?

I love that they actually stop in from of the barrier at the bridge, then take a moment to decide before just going for the crazy impossible stunt because why the hell not at this point

Ah Nate and Sophie are holding hands on the way to death too!!

And cut the scene before they reach the top of the bridge. Time to see Tim show us why he's an academy award winner

Ooh and here's where we find out she was lying! (Should this be the part where I started wondering if Nate knew? Probably. Did I? Not even a little)

There was a big twist where the person Nate was facing off against was playing him in the pilot too

But John fucking Rogers didn't play ME in the pilot. I take that personally.

Ooh hints at the true story are being dropped

Ellen is almost adequately suspicious

JUST WALK TWO FEET FORWARD ELLEN! LOOK AT THE STAGE! COME ON!

"You loved them very much" Yeah he did. They all did! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

She knows he's lying, I love that (just like Dubenich knew Sophie was manipulating him)

"The only thing I ever had"? That's intense, Nate

God Tim is a good actor

(Like I low-key don't like Nate at all, but Damn he is well acted)

And he just turns it off, just like that

Wow

I am really into her little impressed face when he goes all Sherlock and explains how he knows they are at interpol

The glass! Of course Sterling brings him the glass! Not a pilot callback, but a good callback nontheless. The commentary says it's literally the same exact glass every time. I will have to go back and verify that at some point. I swear it didn't have those ridges around the bottom in at least one episode, but I also trust John Rogers, so idk

I love how sterling knows everything from the moment he appears, and Ellen doesn't even know what the black book is

"That's why you joined Interpol? Screw justice. You're the order guy?" What a good line for Nate and Sterling's relationship

Nate's not even interested in hearing Sterling's evil speech of evil about the bailouts

I actually really love the little exposition flashbacks

Her look of horror and dawning comphrension when he explains why he is there is fantastic. If we bring this show back, can we have more of this lady?

Yeah, Ellen, why IS he still lying to you??

Sterling remembered to be cautious about the coroner's van, but not cautious enough!

That's some timing. How did Nate arrange that ? Oh right, this was triggered by the arrival of the van, which he probably set the timing of

Nate's face after "Parker's still in the server room." Yes, sell that fear to Sterling! Make him believe he's right! I wouldn't have thought to fake a reaction to that. But that's why I'm not a griffer

And he trusted sterling to have a snark remark so that he could have an attention-stealing reaction to distract him

I try every time to see the kids going in, and I never manage to catch all of them

Why does Nate turn away here?

God, that really is a terrifyingly lifelike Hardison face

I gotta say, the first time I saw sterling shoot the Hardison corpse, I was really convinced that he was right and he was really killing Hardison for the first time

"Second question... No, Nate, why don't you tell her what my second question is?"

Honestly, the first time around, I had forgotten about that secret meeting between Nate and Hardison

"The plan's the thing" A callback to earlier in this episode. I'm dying. I love this show so much

And they can do that without being annoying because every leverage episode is like three or four episodes rolled into one. Sometimes more!

That's one of my favorite parts, but also one of the very few downsides

I get so excited watching the flashbacks that show how it all happened

Omg I love the thing where they stack! Parker crouching, Eliot just above her head, Hardison looming tall! It reminds me of the princess bride for some reason

Sterling is the Trojan horse, the way out is the way in...wait, didn't they do that with at least one other episode, where the floor was a horrible way in, but last minute they used it as a way out?

Are these callbacks or parallels at this point?

Sophie taught Nate how to act! "She found her calling." Yeah she did! So proud of her!

"Your ride to a life sentence in a secret prison has arrived" So dramatic for someone who knows Sophie is behind the wheel

Ooooooohhh he called him James!

"You and I are not the same" okay sterling

"Justice is always easy" YES GO STERLING wait that's a callback to the justice vs order thing earlier in this episode. I just got that

I have seen this so many times and I still notice something new every time I watch it

Does John Rogers have a tumblr? I want to tag him but I don't think he does

What is Parker wearing? Why is one sleeve randomly yellow?

I can't believe Nate is proposing in a hoodie

I love how the kids pop in with insults and Nate just agrees. He knows it's true

That's a huge fucking rock

"Did you steal it?" "No." "Oh, cause that would have been more romantic"

"I'll steal the first anniversary ring" lol I love these guys

Parker insists he follow the proper procedure

Oh wait, the ot3 are gonna branch out with other crews?

Y'know, in an alternate universe I could have shipped Eliot and Sophie

GOD

I'M CRYING AGAIN

"You're the smartest man I know" where have we heard that before?

Parker recognizing her feelings! (And they've been preparing her for this the longest)

Aah, the circle shot from above and the breakaway, but this time not everyone breaks away!!!!!!!!!!

"You do know that Laura is not my real name, don't you?" Sophie I'm gonna kill you

And then the big obvious callback to the pilot, where Beth meticulously studied Tim's acting to recreate it

Loving the look of this scene. The costumes, the blocking, all of it

And they made sure to switch which parent was crying

Very excited for leverage international. Gimme!

#leverage #the long goodbye job #meta #leverage meta #it's less a meta and more me screaming #but whatever #hopefully my autocorrect didn't renter this unreadable

[peppy-pilot]

Do you have any tips for new roleplayers on Tumblr?

//It really depends on just how new this RPer is. Are they new to RPing in general? New to the Tumblr community? New to RPing canon muses? Or OCs? Because any advice to these that’d cover all these bases wouldn’t be anything more than

But okay, I’m going to assume the person is just new to Tumblr RP in itself but has had some RPing experience prior. Feel free to request tips for something more specific if this isn’t what you’re looking for.

Include an About and Rules page among your blog links. This is extremely important because not everyone interprets your muse or RPs the same way you do, so this gives other RPers a headsup on what to expect and how to approach you. Rules also puts RPers at ease on what to avoid and how to make your RPing experience smoother.

Make sure your blog is accessible and readable. Sure, folks would die for aesthetic, and others would be turned off by someone who only uses the extremely basic Tumblr blog formats. All won’t matter if content is absolutely unreadable and your About/Rules/other important links are inaccessible upon visiting the blog. Make sure important links, if they have a custom coding, are at least intuitive in access (as in people can guess where they are without spending hours on searching for it).

A major reminder: Some Tumblr users (such as myself) have vision problems and would rather not want to squint just to read extra-flowery or super tiny text. If you’re going to customize the body of your writing, keep the font simple, avoid cursive, and avoid super-tiny font sizes. Anything smaller than Arial 9 would be unbearable.

Icons aren’t as important as most blogs make them seem to be–a good chunk of us actually don’t mind iconless threads at all! However, if you will be using icons, and canon material is sparse on rendering them in an expression that can be useable, you can definitely borrow other artists’ art–but ask permission first. Do not steal art, and especially do not steal someone else’s icons–even if it’s just screencaps of official media. Making icons even from screencaps is still a lot of hard work and often involves a lot of hours into editing and formatting. Just make your own.

And if you’re going to draw your own art, quality isn’t that important. JUST DRAW. A good chunk of us artist-RPers, in fact, use RP as an opportunity to practice and improve on our abilities to portray expressions and scenes, regardless of quality–especially because they tend to just be fast 10-minute sketches anyway. In fact, that’s the kind of art I would recommend over something far higher quality. Believe me, trying to produce high-quality art for your RP threads all the time will bring in artist’s block faster than you can say “perfectionism”! Be loose, love what you’re doing, and have fun!

You can borrow from other RPers’ headcanons, but be wary of outright using them. Just like art and writing, many writers and RPers aren’t too keen on someone outright stealing their headcanons. With that said, if your headcanon is, coincidentally similar to someone else’s, or happens to be fanon or fandom-accepted (e.g., “I headcanon Fox and Falco are in love!”), then I highly encourage you place your own take on that particular headcanon. People are more than likely to love and appreciate headcanons that diverge a little differnt from others as long as there is a lot of thought into it.

Trim your posts. Trim your posts. Trim your posts. This isn’t even a suggestion or a tip, this is just Tumblr RP ettiquette. If you don’t know how to trim your posts, I highly recommend grabbing XKit and the Editable Reblogs extension for easier trimming. This method helps too.

Don’t stress over replying right away. Tumblr RP is not real-time RP, and a scenario that ought to be taking place within a span of 5 minutes could take 5 weeks to accomplish. A lot of RPers are students and workers with stubborn muses, and even if someone is up at night replying to threads, they may not get to yours on time before they get tired or writer’s block. Remember: RP is a hobby. You are in no obligation to always reply right away, and the same goes for your partner. Be patient with yourself and them.

Last, but not least: Always communicate with your RP partners. Even if you’re a shy bean and not very chatty, being in communication with your RP partner is extremely important. Naybe you want to ship. Maybe you have a great thread idea! Maybe there was something about their reply that made you extremely uncomfortable and you have a right to express it. Maybe you feel your thread isn’t going anywhere and you’d like to start a new one. Maybe RP is just not working out. Don’t leave your partners hanging! And if your partner isn’t approaching you for something, you can always approach them too. But remember: be courteous, be kind, be civil, and be polite. RP acquaintances and partners do not always automatically mean becoming super close friends where you can scream obscenities at each other and everything will be okay. Talk to each other like you would to their face.

And that’s all I got so far! Sorry this got wordy and a little TL;DR, I just hope to cover my bases regarding what to bear in mind for Tumblr RP! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask, though I highly recommend @fuckyeahroleplayadvice more regarding RPing on Tumblr!

#[OOC] #Anonymous

[hindinatao]

How To: Mass Edit and Save RP Icons (PS action included)

Hey, I’m Ran. I made this for a friend and thought of sharing this with everyone. I’m pretty sure there are easier ways to do this, but this method has worked for me for years now... so. ...yeah. Moving on to samples.

Original Icon:

Edited Icons using this tutorial (from left to right, the following icons are edited using my actions labeled “Icons,” “Low Icons,” “Low Sharpen,” “Sharpen”):

What you need: 

Photoshop with timeline (I use PS CC 2017 from birdysources)

Screencaps/images to turn into icons (I won’t cover how to make screencaps)

My action pack

A note: I use Windows, but aside from Ctrl = Cmd, Mac users should be fine.

Download and tutorial are below the cut! I tried to make this as beginner-user friendly as possible. ...sorry for the length. Please like/reblog if you’re using this.

HINDINATAO’S RP ICON ACTION: MEDIA FIRE | GOOGLE DRIVE

To put it simply, my Icon Action works if your layers are labeled “Frame 1,” “Frame 2,” and so forth. If you know how to do that, you’re good. All you have to do after is export the layers into files. Keep reading for a more detailed explanation.

STEP 1 Go to “File” → “Scripts” → “Load Files into Stack.” REF

STEP 2 Click on “Browse” and select the folder with the screencaps or images you want to icon and select them all. Once PS has them all listed, click “OK.” REF

Choose only up to 100 images. Anything more and the icon action will not be able to edit them all.

STEP 3 PS will load all the selected images into one file. Wait until everything is done loading.

STEP 4 To make things easier to manage later, select all the layers by clicking on the top layer and Shift-click + bottom layer. After that, Ctrl-click + G to group them into one folder.

STEP 5 This step isn’t necessary, but this is where I like to duplicate layers according to how many icons I will make from that single screencap/image. Skip to Step 6 if you want.

Collapse the Group folder (it’s the arrow between the eye icon and the folder icon).

Click and hold on the eye icon next to the topmost layer and drag your cursor to the second to bottom layer. You’ll end up with having only one layer visible. Note: this click and drag trick is very handy--it can make consecutive layers visible or invisible.

Select the bottom layer and Ctrl-click + J to duplicate it. Do this until you have the amount of duplicates you want.

Go to the second to bottom layer and make it visible by clicking on the square where the eye icon used to be. Duplicate it as much as you want.

Do the same (make it visible and duplicate it) to the remaining layers. REF

STEP 6 Press Ctrl + Alt + C together to change the canvas size. Change this to the icon size you want. If a new window pops up warning you about cropping, click “Proceed.” REF

STEP 7 Make sure timeline is visible (“Window” → “Animation”).

STEP 8 Click on “create video timeline” on the timeline window. REF

STEP 9 Toggle to “frame animation” by clicking on the lower left icon of the timeline window. Note the icon changes when you change between frame animation and timeline animation. REF

STEP 10 Click on the icon (it looks like four bars) on the upper right corner of the timeline window and select “Make Frames From Layers.” REF

STEP 11 Click on the same four-bar icon and select “Reverse Frames.” REF

STEP 12 Go frame by frame and adjust its respective layer (it’ll be the only one visible, i.e. the only one with an eye icon next to it). Note how each frame is going to be an icon; so what you see is what you’ll get.

STEP 13 Once you’re done cropping, we’ll go to coloring. Apply a psd of your choice above all the layers. 

Adjust opacity. 

If some icons look weird right now (too dark, too pink, etc), the next step will fix that.

STEP 14 Go back and edit frame by frame. 

To apply the layer adjustments only to the layer below it, Alt-click on the line between the adjustment layer and the layer below it to create a clipping mask. REF

STEP 15 Once you’re satisfied with how each frame looks (remember each frame is an icon), click on the four-bar icon on the upper right corner of the timeline window and select “Flatten Frames Into Layers.” REF

If you’re concerned about the order of icons and want the 1st frame to the be 1st icon, do “Reverse Frames” before “Flatten Frames Into Layers.”

STEP 16 New layers will be created. Make every one of them visible by doing that click and drag trick from Step 5.

STEP 17 Delete the psd folder and delete the group folder you made in Step 4. These two are at the very bottom.

STEP 18 What you should have left are only layers labeled “Frame 1,” “Frame 2,” and so forth. My action will not work if they’re named anything else. REF

STEP 19 Use any of my actions. 

If your Actions window is not visible, go to “Window”  → “Action.” 

If you need to load an action, click on the four-bar icon on the upper right corner of the Actions window and click “Load Action.”

If you do not have exactly 100 layers, a window will pop up with “The command ‘Select’ is not currently available.” Click on “Stop.”

STEP 20 When the action is finished, all your layers should be labeled as “Frame 1 copy 2,” “Frame 2 copy 2,” and so forth. REF

STEP 21 Go to “File” → “Export” → “Export Layers to Files.” REF

STEP 22 Select where to save the files, change the prefix of the files, change the format to PNG, and leave “transparency” checked for those icons that need it. REF

STEP 23 Leave PS working on the background. Write replies or something. Just do not use PS for the time being. PS will let you know when it’s done.

STEP 24 THE END.

Some tips:

Group your screencaps/images in separate folders to make it easier to keep track of which ones you already did.

Make “base icons” by cropping, using my action, and saving them. Save them in a private tumblr post, your Google Drive, or a zip folder in your computer. Doing this lets you edit your icons and change how they look whenever you feel like it without having to re-do the icons from scratch.

You can change the shape of the icon by using a layer mask on the group you created at Step 4. Make sure to unlink the layer mask from its layer (the group)! I typically do this during Step 6.

The bigger the batch of icons you “Export Layers to Files,” the longer it’ll take for everything to finish. If you think your computer can’t handle it, cut down your batches to 50.   

My actions labeled “Icons” and “Low Icons” are best for screencaps and photoshoots.

My action labeled “Low Sharpen” is for mangacaps already edited by scanlation groups.

My action labeled “Sharpen” is too tough most of the time, but it has its moments. 

My action labeled “Select Even” is exactly what it sounds like: selects all the even frames up to 250 frames. I use it for gif-making to manipulate the overall gif size, but I left it in the action pack in case others might find a use for it.

If you have any questions, message me at @hindinatao --I suck at explanations.

HINDINATAO’S RP ICON ACTION: MEDIA FIRE | GOOGLE DRIVE 

#icon tutorial #rp icon tutorial #dearindies #rph #rpcw #(....do people still use that tag? i'm old and outdated) #tutorial #ps #;;by:ran #who's that pokequeue?!

[itshysterie]

[2018] Going to Music Shows for EXO

Please do not repost any of this, you can share just by linking the post!

Because many people have asked (and accused me of being ‘selfish’ for not sharing when most of this is easy to figure out via other tutorials), I’m going to make a general “guide” on how to go to music shows for EXO!

As a disclaimer, I can’t give you just one set of instructions, because the requirements, methods, etc. used by SM’s fanstaff can differ even within the same promotion period! So this could be confusing, and it’s still important to be checking the official notices to see what you need to do / what you should bring.

The Notice

Notices are posted on the ‘Notice’ board on the official website, because EXO (and SM groups in general) do not have official fancafes.

The notice will say what time the prerecording is (listing two times if there is more than one - like during comeback week, or if there is a postrecording for the next week), what time fanstaff will give out entry numbers, how you can attend/apply, and what you need to get in.

There is no set time for the notice being posted. During promos it is good to check frequently if you plan on going, or when possible to even be waiting near the venues for music shows the night before, just in case it’s first-come-first-serve (선착순) entry. I’ll explain the different ways of applying below. 

Here’s an example of the notice from last week’s comeback for TEMPO at Music Bank.

The Methods

For EXO, it can either be 선착순 (first-come-first-serve) or applications (신청 - 참여 신청 [application to participate], 사전 신청 [prior application]) held through e-mail or Naver Forms.

When it is announced as 선착순 (first-come-first-serve), the line/list cannot begin before the notice is posted. Often fans will wait around the venue where people line up, and the moment the notice is posted, someone will yell out “NUMBER ONE!” (일번!), people crash in towards them, and once a line of some sort is formed the people at the front of the line by that person will start giving out numbers.

When there is a lot of fans waiting around before the notice is posted, this can be chaotic. (Tends to happen when the notice is posted late, so people know it will be 선착순 instead of applications). Sometimes there are no people around yet, and the first person there doesn’t want to be in charge of managing the list, so people will wait in a line until someone who wants to manage the list comes.

The person will generally ask for your name and the last 4 digits of your phone number. This is so when they do name-checks that it is you in line, not someone else. The person making the list will then stay there all night, managing the list/writing down new names, and then holding periodic name checks overnight.

For EXO they tend to do name checks once every 3 or 4 hours, and the final check is around 2 hours before fanstaff come to give out numbers. This can vary, so make sure you listen closely or ask what time the next check is each time. If you are late for a check, even by one minute, you are cut from the list.

After the last unofficial name check, generally fans will stay IN LINE or at least not wander far for the next 2 hours until fanstaff show up. Sometimes they’re early (and sometimes late), and it’s better safe than sorry after staying awake all night.

When it is 신청 (applications), SM often will use e-mail (jokingly called the 멜림 “mail-lympics”) or Naver forms (폼림 “form-lympics”). On both e-mail and the form, the SM fanstaff will compile a list of the number of applicants whose e-mails/forms are submitted first at the assigned time.

The post will say what time applications will happen, and you need to send it exactly at the application time. Even if you do, it’s not uncommon to not get on the list.

For e-mail, they post the e-mail you need to send to, and the format of the e-mail subject line. You have to follow the format exactly or they will not accept your application no matter how quickly you send it. The format occasionally changes (whether they want your full birth year/just the last two numbers, whether they want hyphens in the phone number or not, which order the information is sent in, whether there’s a final backslash, etc.) so it’s important to check the format each time the notice comes up.

An example of the format is :

[1107쇼챔]FULLNAME/YYYYMMDD/###-####-####/

Being the date and name of the show in the brackets [ ], followed by you FULL NAME as it appears on you ID (and EXO-L card), your birthdate, and your phone number. The post will have a section listed as [참여 신청 방법] or [신청 방법], and for e-mails it will have the 양식 (format) listed. ALWAYS check closely! I suggest copy-pasting the format and entering your information. 

The body of the e-mail always is kept empty. They will reject your application for even having something written in the e-mail.

SM will then post the list of applicants who were first in their inbox, often late at night, and either it will be 선착순 (first-come-first-serve) among the applicants, or they will assign numbers for entry. If it’s 선착순, follow the instructions above for 선착순. If not, make sure you’re still earlier than the time listed for fanstaff arriving! If you’re late, you will be cut.

For Naver Forms they ask for similar information. Make sure you include your full name as it is on your ID and your EXO-L card, a Korean phone number, and your birthdate. Make sure you do not hit ‘SUBMIT’ (제출 / 확인, depending on the form) until the actual application time!

If you submit your application too early, even by accident, you will not be on the list. You also cannot re-apply, because duplicate applications are also immediately cut.

They will check all of the information asked for. Remember the phone number you put down, because they will ask you either the first four (앞번호 ap-beonho) or last four (뒷번호 dwit-beonho) numbers of the phone number to confirm your identity. It’s best to use the actual number for your phone/SIM card, because in the case of a sudden change in time or location they will send texts out to the number listed.

The Requirements

This is where it gets more complicated, because they will change what you need every day. I would recommend taking EVERYTHING that might possibly be listed if you are not confident in your ability to check the notice in detail.

They will always require -

PHOTO ID (사진부착신분증) : This must be your passport or Alien Registration Card (Korean ID).

EXO-L CARD (EXO-L 모바일카드): The app! It MUST be registered under your REAL NAME with your real birthdate. You also need to be actually on the app, which requires wi-fi / data. It cannot be a screencap. They will check if it’s actually the app!

OFFICIAL LIGHTSTICK (VER. 2) (공식야광봉) : Just this promotions they switched to requiring the 2nd version (white) lightstick. They check if it turns on! Make sure you have fresh/new batteries, and DO NOT leave the battery pack screwed on in your bag! The Bluetooth function will drain batteries even when your lightstick is not on.

If you do not have these you will be immediately cut from the list, no questions asked. You will be cut if your EXO-L card is not your real name, if it doesn’t match your ID, or if it’s a screencap. You will be cut if your lightstick will not turn on or. ALWAYS make sure you have these.

Other varying requirements - 

DIGITAL DOWNLOAD RECEIPT (음원, 음원 구입내역) : Often SM only requires you to have the title song downloaded, but always make sure! Generally it MUST be from Melon, MNET, or Soribada, on an account under your real name (they change the sites occasionally, but Melon and MNET are always included). YOU NEED TO HAVE THE ACCOUNT INFO PAGE SHOWING YOUR USERNAME AND FULL NAME, TOO. Make sure both screencaps / pages show your username, and that none of the information on your user information page is ***ed out.

If your print-out is not right, they will let you run to a nearby place to print it and run back. If you do not know print shops nearby I would suggest taking the loss and accepting a lower tier. You will be pushed to the back of the line, but you will not be pushed to a lower tier (often having all the items = tier 1, and it goes down based on which items you’re missing). 

ALBUMS (앨범 *** VER.) : When this is included, it is the most recent album. You must have the actual CD, and it’s best to have the case as well. (For ‘Don’t Mess Up My Tempo’ I am guessing they will require the case, because the CD looks the same for all versions.)

!! They OFTEN change which version / the number of versions they want. Some days they might want just one album, any version, other days they might ask for more than one or ask for specific versions. During Monster/Lucky One, some days they would want both Korean version albums, other days they would want the Chinese and Korean version of Monster, and on other days they wanted all four versions. !!

Fanstaff & The Recording

ALWAYS listen to fanstaff. Do not fight with them. Do not break the rules.

Even if you are given a number, you are not guaranteed to get in. The broadcasting stations can sometimes change the number of fans who are allowed in. This is not the fanstaffs’ fault. (It is often fans’ fault, for breaking a rule / being unruly, either while lining up or the week before.)

SM fanstaff has in the past cut all foreign fans from a line, or given foreign fans priority below Korean fans (regardless of residency status) because of one or a few foreign fans breaking the rules. Do not be the person responsible for this.

General Rules :

NO PICTURES, NO VIDEO, NO AUDIO RECORDING. : This includes with your phone. You cannot take pictures inside of the studio whatsoever - not selcas/selfies, and not even of the stage. SM fanstaff is so strict about this that you generally are not allowed to even have your phone out doing other things once you are inside the studio. Remember: A Korean fan might be told off/kicked out, but a foreign fan being caught might not only cause you to get kicked out, it could have bad consequences for all foreign fans. Getting caught by security instead of fanstaff can cause the entire fanclub to be kicked out and banned from the recording.

NO CALLING OUT TO THE MEMBERS. : I know this doesn’t really make sense. You want to cheer and call out and fangirl/boy. But SM is very strict about staying completely quiet except for the official fanchant, even when they’re performing. Between takes you need to stay as quiet as possible, too, even if EXO is on stage. Fans freaking out between takes/on standby can cause delays in the prerecording, and annoys the staff during the recording - too much can cause the broadcasting station to let in less fans the following week, so SM fan staff tries to be safe and just have fans be absolutely quiet except for the fanchants. (You also shouldn’t talk over a whisper even with the people next to you.)

I highly recommend trying to understand at least basic Korean before coming to an SM recording. The fanstaff often will not make the effort to try and speak a different language with you (though it depends on the person, how rushed they are, how rude fans in general are being that day, etc.) If you did not understand or missed something, try to ask the Korean fans next to you in line what has been said.

Fanstaff are there to make sure as many fans as possible get into the recordings, to make sure everything is as organized as possible (which doesnt’ always go too well), and to keep people from breaking rules that would reflect badly on the fandom and on EXO. Don’t make more trouble for them than they’re already having to deal with.

(( A story: At the Music Core recording for Tempo, security put us into the seats, and some girls with higher numbers ended up a bit closer to the front than fans with lower numbers. A handful of fans decided to loudly complain to security/fanstaff [even though other fans were telling them not to], which almost caused the prerecording to be cancelled / delayed, caused way more trouble than necessary, and made the fanstaff cry because they had fought to get as many people as possible into the recording. These fans caused more than 200 who could have gotten into the ‘Tempo’ or ‘Ooh La La La’ recording to be sent home without seeing anything, after waiting overnight. Yes, sometimes it’s unlucky and it sucks when that happens, but don’t ruin things for everyone just because you’re unhappy. ))

#exo #music shows #guide #exo guide #music show guide

[tsukihoshi14]

Books books books

I just received my copy of ‘Yume wo ikiru' in the mail and I'm a very happy puppy rn :))

This book is SOOOO pretty, someone send help!! :))) I literally have been hyperventilating a bit with a smile that can-not-be-wider while taking a good look of the book :3 It’s very pretty, beautiful photos, nice format, even the photo captions are well done ugghhhh :3

One more thing I JUST realized (this is probably so late already) that the quote on the bottom of the cover (もっと強く、自分らしく= To be stronger, in my own way), is this just a nice correlation or does it come from the banner project last November by gladi? This one:

(screencap from this post. I just have a reread and rewatch of everything in that post, esp the cardddddd, it was so sweet :3)

I don’t know if it’s true he put those words on because of the banner or not, but it’d be very nice if it is :D

Also, about my coming translations of Aoi Hono 2: I think some new fans might have misunderstood, so I want to clarify that my translations of the book WILL NOT be available to public. One will need to own a copy of the book in order to receive the translation (I will send out more details this weekend when the final version is ready).

The sales from this book is serving a good cause, supporting Ice Rink Sendai, so I just want to create more incentives for everyone to buy this book with my translations, that’s all. I’m sorry if there has been any misunderstanding. And this also serves as a friendly reminder(^^) to go buy a copy of Aoi Hono 2 if you haven’t :D Good day guys :3

#yuzu book #yuzuru hanyu #yume wo ikiru #aoi hono 2 #book reaction #realization #correlation #clarification

[icewindandboringhorror]

I’m going to try to answer some of my old asks lol, I went through my inbox and tried to clean out most stuff (a miserable attempt at new years cleaning lol) so hopefully I can stay more on top of it, but honestly it’s been like over a  year since I, the notoriously chronically exhausted unable to reply to things fool, have  really looked through the whole thing so some of these are super old lol, but anyway!

(also sorry about the sloppy numbering and etc. I wanted to attempt to organize them somehow so people can just look at numbers they’re interested in or etc. but... I know it’s kind of blurry.. so i type the questions out as well! ) 

-- 1.  How did you get your eyebrows to look like stars?  I usually start out by drawing a upside down V shape like an A without the middle slash, then I add a slightly curved stripe through the middle (like a weird A), and then I just fill in that shape until it looks like a star lol, kind of like this : 

(i would do this all in the same color, I only used different colors in the quick paint drawing to make the different steps more distinct looking lol)

-- 2. How much clay do you use on one sculpture? It depends on the sculpture in question, for heads usually it’s maybe clay the size of a grapefruit or so, and for larger like fully body sculptures or something it may be a little more than that lol. 

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( The rest of the questions are under the read more for length and etc. I just wanted to include some above the read more so people can see examples of the format of I’m answering them in, in order to decide whether to read the rest of the post. .. I’m going to try to keep the answers short (very,, abnormal for me... lol..) but idk how well that will go! I tried to space them apart and mark them clearly with the intention that people can just skip to whatever ones they want to look for and not have to read through the whole thing, so hopefully the layout is okay for that !! : V )

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(oh also, sorry if some of these aren’t typed exactly how they’re written in the ask, I wanted to write them out in case people can’t read the blurry photos lol but I just quickly typed them all so I may have missed a few words or left something uncapitalized that was supposed to be capitalized etc.)

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-- 3& 4.  I love your blog soooo much?! and your outfits are literally the best things I've ever seen / You look like a watercolor painting that came to life!   Thanks!! (I didn’t include most of the compliments since it feels uh,, really weird if I just posted a ton of screencaps of random compliments but I just wanted to include a few as a chance to explain that I really appreciate them and do read them even if I’m bad at replying/never reply lol!! So thanks to anyone who’s ever sent anything nice! From here on I don’t think I include any unless they’re ones I have something to say about/comment on, but I wanted to make a point somewhere in here that I do indeed appreciate them all!!

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-- 5. your supernatural traveler characters remind me of a tarot deck named dreaming way! have you ever heard of it?  if not you should check it out!! i feel as though it's very you  No I hadn’t heard of it lol but I just searched it and I  enjoy the art style of it. It seems really creative and interesting looking from what I can see of the google images. Thanks for sharing the concept with me! 

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-- 6. Your outfits are super cool! they make me feel inspired !! *_*  Thanks so much!! I need to get back into posting outfits more and etc. It can just be hard to keep up with doing so many things at once, I often kind of jump around, like one month i do a lot of outfits, one month i do more worldbuilding, etc. etc. I really wish I could establish a balance where I’m doing an equal amount of things at most times but that just seems weirdly difficult for me and my brain for some reason bhhhbb. 

Also I have a lot of clothing from the bins that I don’t use or want anymore but stuff like selling clothes is so hard, like laying them all out and taking pictures, then editing pictures, putting them somewhere, monitoring them and keeping up with messages to sell stuff to people, etc. etc. Especially because of how I am when I start cleaning and usually end up getting rid of nearly everything, I’d probably have over 70+ items and doing all that labor to post and sell each and every one of them is bhbhbhh..  I feel weird getting more clothing when I already feel like I have too many items I’m not using or too much of a back log of sewing projects I still haven’t done. And usually part of my inspiration for outfits is if i get a new item that I really want to use somehow lol. I just haven’t gone to the bins lately since I don’t want too much new stuff, but also don’t want to just give away the clothes I have since I think I could find people who would like them who maybe aren’t normally able to access items like that (like vintage nightgowns and stuff can be hard to find already so it seems like, a waste to just give them away to the local thrift store who will probably throw them out for having stains or something anyway as opposed to people who could maybe actually appreciate them) but also selling stuff is just so... incomprehensibly difficult to my mental illness Bad At Task Managing brain lol.. 

But anyway.. Thanks! and hopefully I’ll have inspiration for more outfits soon, and can manage to get rid of some of the things getting in my way from making them lol

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-- 7. I love the costume make up you do for your characters. Would you ever consider making tutorials?  I think I’ve been asked and have said this a few times, but like, I would I guess if people would tell me what they wanted? One of the reasons I don’t readily make tutorials on my own  is because I feel like everything out there seems like it’s already been done, or like I’m not very well connected with people who do makeup and that community and stuff and it seems like a very distant ‘not my place’ sort of thing to me, so if I was doing something like that I would want to have some sort of justification for doing it or whatever I guess lol. Like I would never do a ‘how i do freckles’ video or something because there’s probably like, 500000 of those, so I don’t see what I’d be adding by making one and etc. (which is not to say that I only value “wholly original” content as anyone can tell you that that’s a bullshrimp non-existent standard and that nothing is truly original in any sense lol, but more just that especially in a space that I don’t feel I belong in, it would be odd and like silly seeming of me to come and pretend that i know what I’m talking about on a topic that has already been discussed by people more qualified than me like 50 times over. Even if no ideas will ever be original and people who put too much focus on that concept just end up looking like lame hipsters and etc. etc. , there’s still something to be said for like, not walking into a space you know nothing about and saying the same thing 8000000 other people have already said with no personalized spin on it whatsoever lol),,, 

So anyway!! I would technically consider doing a tutorial but I need to know what to do? What specifically are people wanting to see?? People always just say like, ‘do a makeup tutorial’ but I don’t know what in specific they mean. But if it was something clear like “re-create this one look you did’ or “how do you do this type of eye that you do” or “how do you do these eyebrows from this photo” or etc.  I would be glad to make a short video explaining something in specific or etc. I just have trouble with very vague requests lol and no idea what it would be appropriate to make lol!

So yeah, like, feel free to specifically request something I guess?? The main reason I have trouble or never do them is because I never have any idea in specific what I should even be doing a tutorial on lol. I get a lot of just ‘make a tutorial’ but I never know like, what they mean to make it ABOUT lol. Not to make anyone feel bad or anything , I appreciate their interest regardless and they probably don’t know about my brain’s more particular need for very specific focus,, but just  please if you want me to make something like any type of video or etc., be specific about it so I actually know what to do! Which obviously still isn’t a guarantee I would do it or anything, I always have a lot of projects and stuff and have difficulty managing my time as is and may decide the idea in question wouldn’t really be worth pursuing but, it would exceptionally increase the possibility if I actually was given a clear direction to do in and could narrow down what exactly it is this person wants me to explain or focus on! 

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-- 8. If for some reason I ever become wealthy I am hiring you to do those photoshoots you described. Like wow that sounds so lovely.  ..hmmbbbb... yess.... I moust have a wealthy frienmd to funde my worldbuilding aesthetic designing hobbies... b l e a s e 

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-- 9. For your submit button is that to submit fan art or what because I have some :^]  It’s to submit whatever lol, you can submit fan art though if you want to. I originally just opened the submit option because I hated tumblr messaging and thought honestly it’d be easier for long strings of text if people just submitted them to me as posts and then I went to their blog and submitted text back haha,, but I don’t ever talk to anyone anymore since I’ve become more anxious and reclusive so it’s more just leftover now, but you can submit anything you’d want to share with me I guess! 

Just make sure to specify if you are intending on me posting it or not (like if you sent me a picture of your cat (which... i would love...) just let me know somehow if it’s supposed to only be private where I just look at it myself and delete it , or if you were submitting it and okay with me actually posting it and commenting on it) since I wouldn’t want any confusion over like posting something I shouldn’t have , or not posting something that someone wanted me to lol. 

(though if something is weird or would be uncomfortable to post or offensive or whatever I’m obviously not going to post it anyway even if you want me to , but etc etc that goes without saying) 

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-- 10. i just wanted to say you're fashion is so lovely and it inspires me to improve my own taste and wardrobe!! your blog is lovely and so are you! Thanks so much! I’m glad I could be inspiring! Remember that it takes basically nothing to do this lol, I don’t study fashion or anything like that, I don’t even hardly know the names of any styles or how to refer to clothing or etc. etc. I am an utter fool in all regard to fashion/style. I literally just take random stuff I like and throw it together in different ways until my brain says ‘yeah, that looks okay’, so you can always have just as lovely of fashion! If you feel comfortable and you like how it looks then that’s all that matters* !

(*of course there are societal and cultural punishments for self expressing in an “”Incorrect”” manner, but here I’m speaking solely about the outfits themselves like, putting stuff on and experimenting with costumes within your own home.. If you don’t posses the superhuman strength to withstand hoards of 12 years olds openly taking photos of you on their iphones whilst publicly laughing at you and random fully grown hecklers screeching at you on the street, that’s absolutely 100% fine and reasonable to tone your outward style down if you feel you need to for the sake of safety (especially if you’re already part of a commonly targeted group where dressing weird may just make you even more unsafe, absolutely understandable and I don’t want to seem like I’m just giving the shitty like “oh just do what you want!! whom cares about what other people think!! ; )“ advice ignoring all context /the fact that ‘what people think’ can have harmful consequences etc),,,  BUT, at least in terms of inward style like just trying on outfits in your own room and taking photos or whatever, I just wanted to express that really anyone can achieve a very nice  aesthetic, just keep mixing and matching things until they feel meaningful or interesting to you! You don’t have to know anything or have some inborn fashion talent to just, do what looks cool to you and experiment in places you feel safe! (which if you can already  feel safe expressing your own style just about anywhere then that’s great, and if not, at least stuff like dressing up around home will be good practice developing your style and confidence for a future time when hopefully looking different in some way wont make you as much of a target as it does now, etc. etc.) )

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-- 11. how do you call your makeup style? it's amazing woa  I don’t really know?? Most of it was originally inspired by trying to imitate my sculptures, which were inspired loosely by like, the type of makeup  you see sometimes on ball jointed dolls, but since then its really evolved wildly lmao. Still heavily art inspired though. Usually when I do a costume or a sculpture or anything, I START with this vague concept in my head, and from there I kind of have to decide which way I want to express it? Do I do a costume for this? Do I sculpt it? Do I try to draw it? etc. Like I usually just have these aesthetic images, pictures of a person or an idea about something, and then from there I kind of have to decide how it would be easiest to make that idea tangible. Like with an environmental concept (underground cave home or something), do I draw it? do I try to make it in the sims? do I learn 3D art stuff and create the environment that way? etc.? 

So I think my makeup is inspired by my art, and everything else I do, because really they’re kind of all the same thing? I rarely get an idea where it’s like, the ONLY way I could express this concept is by doing a costume. So of course my sculptures look like my sketches which look like my makeup or etc. because the base concept is pretty much always interchangeable between them, if that makes sense? I usually just choose whatever I choose based on what would be easier. Like there are some makeups that were sculpture ideas first, but I just did a makeup because that would have been less complicated than sculpting the tiny parts of the look or etc. And as well, there have been some sculptures that would have been costumes but I don’t have the money or supplies to do something (like change my entire face shape with expensive special effects makeup or prosthetic noses and stuff) , so therefore sculpting it would be easier, etc. etc. 

Anyway, yeah, I don’t really know what to call anything I do, it’s all just random ideas. Though in the very beginning some of my makeup was inspired by sculptures which were inspired by BJDs (sometimes.. having no money.. can be good for creativity... since you have to come up with your own alternatives to rich person hobbies lmao), but at this point it’s really just merged with everything else and is in the same hivemind idea cloud as my art and costumes and worldbuilding and etc. and they all are the same conceptually, just expressed in different mediums. 

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-- 12. do you have any tips on how to do a boy style look? I really like the one that you do ^^ Thanks!! Really it’s just all about contouring the right areas on your face, I feel like I can’t offer much advice on this since I usually still look way more ‘’’’’’feminine’’’’’’ (i hate assigning looks/terms/etc. to genders and it feels gross but you know what i mean when i describe something as having typically ‘’’feminine’’’ or ��’’’masculine’’’ connotation, etc.) than I would like (despite having some inherently “”masculine”” features?), so I don’t really think I’m able to look 'boyish’ enough in the first place.  But when I do try, I mostly just make my nose look bigger (going around it in a light brown eyeshadow), my lips paler (dabbing concealer on them), sometimes I make my mouth wider (same light brown eyeshadow just barely at the corners of the mouth), my eyebrows thicker (just,, drawing them on thicker and in a heavier shape), and my cheekbones more pronounced (light brown eyeshadow on the part of my face under my cheekbones), and emphasizing my jaw bone (light brown eyeshadow all around jaw line). 

Additionally posturing and angles can help, I usually take pictures from a downwards-ish angle because it actually shows my eyelids and makes my nose look smaller (when I look straight on, my eyelids kind of get covered by my brow bone, and my nose looks much bigger/wider), but with ‘’’’’’’’masculine’’’’’’’’’’’’ looks I usually do more straight on or slightly above pictures since it’s totally fine if i have a long  nose and narrower eyes that are partially hidden by my bigg ol caveman eyebrow ridge lol. 

 It’s still really hard for me to determine exactly what would make me look more ‘’’’’’’masculine’’’’’ though so, I’m sure there are better tips out there on the internet and more you can do. It’s also going to depend on the facial features you’re starting with. Parts of my face are already angular and more easy to make look ‘’’’’’’’’masculine’’’’’’’ but then there’s also stuff like my lips, which are not really large by any measure but do like, protrude outward a lot?? like the size length + width wise is not very big but the amount they come out from my face is, so it’s often kind of hard to cover them with concealer as the outline and shadow of them is still usually very obvious, so etc etc. There are a lot of feature and face shape things that are really going to make it vary by person, and I’m not great at doing it anyway lol, so I mean, that’s all the advice I have and what I personally do, but whether it helps in your case would probably depend on other things like your own pre-existing facial features and etc.!! : U 

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-- 13. I wasn't pay super close attention before but WOW you have SO lovely eyes!! lol I never ever hear that but thanks! I guess it’s like growing up around the whole ‘Blue and other colorful eyes are cool, brown eyes are boring’ thing. I just... never think about my eyes that way much but, they do look cool in the sun. Ideally I would still have weird fantasy eyes with star shaped pupils or something if I could lol. like.. Ice blue eye with star pupils and maybe some pink somewhere.. maybe like this or something (i drew this with my mouse quickly bhhbb i know it doesnt really look much like an eye) 

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-- 14. I have a jacket like that too! I always have. This particular one I've had since  I was like 14 and has been chewed on by my old pet rats. I'm autistic and ocd so that's *my* reason for not wanting to stop wearing my old pea coat to wash it. My moms so pissed it's old and faded and, like I mentioned, had very obviously been chewed up by the collar haha it's so bad  thanks for sharing lol! ...relatable... yeah I think for me my OCD has the most to do with it, part of my compulsions are not being able to change out clothing because if i do (or do it the wrong way/don’t do certain ritual compulsions when  doing it ) I’ll like curse myself or end up causing a catastrophe or etc. so i usually get used to wearing the same things over and over again and if I try to change them, like ‘oh, i’d love to wear this cool new skirt!!’  ocd is like ‘well actually if you don’t wear this same skirt you’ve worn the past 5 months *insert something horrible*’ and i’m just like

Which is why my clothes regularly literally disintegrate, especially my ‘around the house’ clothing, I do wash it when it needs to be washed but still I think most shirts and stuff weren't meant to be worn just about 24/7 for quite literally years with only temporary breaks to wash them in between. One of my outer shirts that I wear around the house is the worst, it was originally like a bright red cat print pajama shirt that was just a little big on me but not bad, and now it’s like, faded of color and the fabric has stretched and grown so thin that it’s now down to my knees and the sleeves extend like 8 inches past my hands, there’s currently a huge rip in the back and on one of the arms and the cuffs of both sleeves are being held on by literal webs of thread, which i regularly try to stitch back but because of how worn the fabric is it still always tears again lol.. It happens with my outer clothes to some degree but way way less since I’m unable to leave often and don’t stay gone that long usually but.. I will absolutely wear the same pair of gloves almost every time I leave my house for 5 years straight until they fall apart into dust on my hands

 Or like also I need new pants to wear around the house and it’s funny trying to find something to wear in the interim when my Current One Good Pair are being washed because i just pull out pant after pant from my clothing box initially thinking ‘oh, that one looks good!’ only to hold them up and discover like, half an entire leg is torn off, massive hole where they tore in the middle (I usually keep wearing them and just put shorts over the pants to cover the hole but when the tear  gets down to like, my knees, it’s like..‘okay.. this is a bit ridiculous..this isn’t even a pant it’s just a skirt now’),  one where an entire leg is just split open like there is just a little flat cape of fabric where the leg should be, etc. Since I have rules about whether I can throw them away or not and have to do rituals while doing so, a lot of the old fallen comrade house pants still live in the hell box of disintegrating home wear so I’m constantly under the illusion that i own more wearable pairs of pants than I actually have lmao

Anyway.. I know it’s limited to probably certain mental illnesses and isn’t broadly applicable to all people but.. dare’st I say, part of Mental Illness Culture is having absurd habits revolving around clothing (whether it be wearing them way too long, having weird rules about disposing of them that are related to your symptoms, having a certain dress code you have to follow to be comfortable to appease your symptoms (like people wearing scarves in the summer to hide their neck due to paranoid of people attacking them) etc. etc. (I do all of these lol)).. we really are sometimes just Like That 

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-- 15.  I cover my nose down with my scarves and my eyebrows up with hats. I have a staring problem and I make eye contact with everyone. I am always thinking about how quickly I cannot fight back and then flee when someone attacks me . You and I dress in the same style too, except I only wear it in black. I come off as a frightening grandma  I too, am a frightening grandparent .. squad... I’m the same with being permanently intensely on guard and constantly thinking about how I would harm or kill everyone around me or escape in a disaster scenario lol,, but I dont make as much eye contact since i usually just want to hide, I’m not sure if it’s the StPD or OCD or some unrelated like, misc symptoms but i seem to gradually just get less comfortable over time with like existing as a tangible entity, to the point that like, me just,, plain existing in the world is like.. ohgg.. people should not be able to look at or interact with me lmao, and it’s not like I think I look ugly or like, any sort of traceable reason I would want to hide it’s just literally just like, i should be an invisible magic force... why can people make eye contact with me... talk to me... exist around me..  please allow me to be an invisible incomprehensible being.. I just materialize to people I need to interact with and otherwise am nothing more than an imperceivable entity.. oohgg..

 I don’t want to NOT exist though, I love existing and being able to do things and pursue hobbies and etc. If anything my problem is that I love existing TOO much (like on the exact polar opposite of not wanting to exist/wanting to die/etc.,, I find my life and existence SO incredibly important that I’m filled with anxiety and dread and paranoia every waking second of my life since survival is SO significant to me that I obsess over avoiding illness and danger and harm to a disabling degree lmao).. I think it’s more like, I want to exist but just be viewed in a non-existent way, I want to be able to interact with things but not be interacted with back, I exist as a complete entity but simply appear to be invisible, in a way that I’m basically free to do whatever I want and live life and be happy without having to concern myself with the worlds of others..?  idk anyway lol, I’m the same except I don’t make eye contact with people because for whatever reason I hate the concept of people seeing and acknowledging me and eye contact kind of makes that more tangible? foul world why’st was I not born as a shape shifting mage boy... give me the power to be present yet unrecognizably abstracted in a cloud of mist rendering my presence incomprehensible by all other creatures 

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-- 16.  your whats in my bag is my favorite!! do you think you'll make an updated whats in my bag video or would it just be the same haha  OHGGG maybe... I’m trying to get back into videos  and have like, legit 8 or so that I’ve been meaning to post for a while,  but it’s really a case of like, when you get used to not doing something for so long that trying to do it again is just weird?? Like..  I hardly ever post videos, so uploading 8 new videos out of nowhere just feels,, strange?? But I also do want to start making and uploading videos more often again so idk... Perhaps I can do things like this by request later!! Right now I just have to find a way to break the very initial weirdness of posting videos at all lol.. As usual I have things in a folder totally finished but they’re just sitting there due to some abstract weirdness I have about something lmao .. Hopefully though, I can pick up occasional videos again. Not anything scheduled or big, but just having the possibility open to like, share some cat videos or show a house I made in the sims or show my process of making a sculpture or etc. etc. I just want to get to a point where I don’t feel weird about it and then can post my like, casual video every month or so lol. And yeah, maybe I could do another bag one! I do have mostly the same stuff but I have added some additional survival supplies lol (i bought a foot long folding saw that was on sale online for like $12 and I was legit going to keep in in my bag along with a small axe but then I was like.. binch... what if I ever get bag searched somewhere.. even if I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong the poor librarian or thrift store worker is still going to be like ‘why the fuck do you have a folding saw and an axe??’ so I took them out in fear of making myself look suspicious,, but I do have other smaller new things lmao) , so it is slightly different now 

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-- 17.  hi! im so sorry if you've already answered this, but where did you get that white wig from?  Ebay! Every wig I own with the exception of one is just from ebay, I just search a color and find the cheapest option lmao. I wish I could afford nice wigs from actual brands and etc. since they’d probably look better in photos and be better quality but for now it’s $10 wigs for me lol. If you ever see me wearing a wig just go to ebay or any similar cheap site and type in the color of the wig and sort the price from low to high and the one I bought is probably on one of the first pages lol

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-- 18. You're my favorite artist ever and I always show your art to all of my friends! I want you to be recognized for your art because it's really amazing and you deserve it! Thanks so much!! I always feel really awkward about people like, showing things to others or talking about me to other people (maybe related to the previous thing about wanting to not exist as a tangible concept, people talking about me like ushers my presence more solidly into the world lol) and etc. so it's always kind of strange to hear things like this but, I guess you kind of have to become comfortable with that if you're posting things publicly and etc.  But, weird personal stuff aside lol, I still really really appreciate the sentiment and am glad you like it!! Best of wishes to you ~ 

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-- 19. will you be making any more youtube vlogs? Maybe?? I could vlog certain events or specific things, like if someone wanted to see something and requested I film the next time I make a costume or film a ‘day in my life’ sort of thing, but I don’t think I would do daily or weekly vlogs again just due to the amount of effort it takes and how I’m juggling so many other projects, I have to prioritize those instead (making games and music and writing endless paragraphs of worldbuilding and etc. all takes a long time),  and going though video footage usually takes a while. Also due to worsening mental illness and etc. I don’t do anything anymore lmao (not that I ever did much to begin with).. weekly vlogs would just be like ‘hey guys welcome to my channel I fell asleep on the floor today after having a panic attack' lmao, like just weeks and weeks of not really doing anything particularly interesting except for grapple with my symptoms and desperately attempt to actually get some todo list items done somehow bhhbbbb.. ‘hey GAMERS welcome to my VLOG,, so it’s the 4th week in a row that I’ve had this small 2 hour long task on my to do list, and I think i’m ACTUALLY going to do it today, I was able to not spend 3 hours staring at a wall this morning so I’m off to a PRODUCTIVE START BABEY *jump cut to me sleeping on the kitchen floor next to a half eaten block of sharp cheddar cheese* *jump cut to 0.3 seconds of seemingly me screaming or something* *jump cut to me just zooming in and out on my unfinished to do list items*’

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-- 20. I really love the outfits that you put together! the colors and textures are beautiful. Do you have any tips for anyone whos interested in dressing more unique? I guess really just, pick out whatever you like? Or if I’m trying to think about the way that I dress myself like.. I guess I don’t really follow any rules (aside from the rules due to personal things like having to cover every inch  of my body except for my hands and face (due to paranoia/mental illness) and having to wear extremely loose baggy clothing), so it’s hard to find tips since like, I can’t really pick out anything exceptional that I do?? I really just... pick up whatever I like (from the bins , which is where I get all of my clothes, explained here), I really don’t think much about what it will match with or what style it is or what subculture it would be or really anything about it, it’s mostly just ‘oh that’s a nice color!’ or ‘oh that’s a nice texture!’ and then I just get it lmao,, then once I’m home , I can just look at like, ‘oh these are similar colors these two things could go together’ or etc. 

Also don’t be afraid to combine things that look like they would be weird or etc. As probably everyone knows I love pattern mixing and combining like stripes with floral print or other things, don’t listen to any rules or pay attention to what might be supposed to go together (coming from someone whom likes to wear toe socks with sandals, which I have been informed is A Crime lmao) or etc. just like... treat the articles of clothing individually stand-alone purely on a basis of ‘do i like this/does this make me comfortable to wear’ or not. Also it could help to define your aesthetic to determine a solid vision,, like I love A LOT of different aesthetics in general, but I do have my favorite colors and textures and patterns and I very clearly know what my favorite things are and what ideal look I would be going for, so that can kind of help too in determining whether to get something or not. I have a sideblog where I keep fashion things I like (link), and have also made custom style guide layouts like this (link) in the past, for examples, if you’re having trouble really developing a personal style or unsure what you like, maybe stuff like that could help. 

 Also if you’re only buying in stores, I would try to look for places similar to the bins and thrift stores and etc. , not only because you’ll likely save an incredible amount of money (like sometimes ONE SINGLE ITEM of clothing in a big store is $40, I can get an entire shopping cart like 50+ items of clothing for $40 at places like the bins, etc.) but also because often times they’ll have ““out of style’’’’ things, you know like, interesting little items that fit specific aesthetics and etc. Which I understand is not an option for everyone, so it’s okay if not, you can definitely find any aesthetic for the most part if you’re creative and try hard enough (like you could probably put together some form of cult party kei outfit just buying from a mall..you’d probably have to go to like 15 different stores and it’d cost like over $200 and may still look a bit plain due to not having access to like torn up fabric scraps and etc, but like it’s definitely doable and could still look great if you just find the right items in the right places) , but if it’s possible for you to go to places like the bins and etc.,  that could also help immensely, especially if the things you like are a bit like... Not Something That Would Be Carried In A Big Store , like a lot of the stuff I’m into lmao .

 Oh yeah also don't limit yourself to only clothing, I regularly use fabrics of curtains and blankets and etc. etc. , there are a lot of other household items and stuff that can be incorporated, as long as it looks good it doesn't have to be actual clothing lol

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-- 21. hi! I asked you a question about your sandals and while back and you kindly answered me but  I didnt see your response for a long time for some reason! I was asking you where you got your sandals. They're white and the bands are kind of puffy? I would take a screenshot but I don't know how to attach it. I really appreciate you taking the time to answerr my question! btw the characters you dressed up as reacently looked totally amazing! : ) Thanks so much for the compliment! sorry this is like, probably over a year after you asked this lmao, but uh,, just from ebay lol! By default assume most of my shoes, wigs, and tights are from ebay, where I just searched something like ‘red wig’ ‘white sandal’ or ‘cat tights’ and then chose the cheapest available option. Those are like the only three things that I can hardly ever find at the bins, so those are the ones I’ll actually occasionally go and get, like a pair of tights for $7 or a new wig once a year for like $15 or something. I don’t know any actual shops or whatever for those things since I don’t buy from them, you could probably find most of my stuff just like, entering search results on ebay and similar sites (not amazon though, they’re usually more expensive and bhh )

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-- 22. how do your white eyebrows? It depends, I usually use white eyeliner and just cake it on until it sufficiently covers my dark eyebrow hairs lol, then sometimes I put white eyeshadow over it to kind of add an extra layer, but i have some white facepaint from a  grocery store halloween sale lmao and sometimes I use that too since it’s thicker and goes on more white pigmented than the eyeliner 

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-- 23. i am so jealous of how handsome you are ahhh ohgg thmank you..even though I don't find myself that way and am kind of odd/offput about others ever implying I'm attractive or anything, I appreciate it!

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-- 24. are you on college? nope lmao, I’m currently too mentally and physically ill to handle going to work or school

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-- 25. how old are you? shapeshifting mage boys usually forget their true age after being alive a few centuries, I may be somewhere around 600 at this point though 

(if you’re a minor asking for safety reasons, my non-joke answer is that I am indeed an adult and not another minor so if you feel uncomfortable interacting with or following people over 16 or over 18 or etc. then it’s fine to unfollow! I’m not like 35 or anything but I am like, out of high school age and etc., which I guess is important to know if that makes you uncomfortable or anything!) 

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-- 26. YOU SHOULD PRODUCE MORE VIDEOS <3 OHggg i try .. I have such a backlog.. Like i think I mentioned in one of the answers above lol, it's just .. hard to get back into it after not doing it for so long, but I do really still want to make them occasionally! It’s not even that complicated it’s just, for some reason really hard for me to sit down and consistently edit things, and even when I do I get weird anxiety about publicly sharing stuff lol-

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-- 27. Have you ever considered doing the fantasy creature makeup as a business? Vague af source but I had seen people creating fantastical people on tv to basically wander around a fancy events, like live entertainment performers. They didn't really do much except like, be a tree nymph of w/e, but you could hire them and their services out for shows, receptions, photoshoots, etc. You have such a talent for it they're always so spot on ;A; Possibly! Thanks for the suggestion and the compliment!! I'm not really sure how well I would be able to manage any sort of business or anything since working with people can be pretty difficult for me given a lot of the different mental illness things, with my anxiety and paranoia and personality and everything, I think it's always going to be like, more complicated? It's not that I necessarily don't have the capacity to work, but just that the hyper specific conditions  I would have to work under in order for my symptoms to not overly affect my ability to do anything are nearly impossible to work out in an average competitive workplace and etc. (which I think is possibly common, at least for people who are disabled due to mental illness and stuff, it’s not like we literally can’t EVER do something or are just 100% incapable, but more that we can’t do it constantly or consistently or in the exact manner or time limit or etc. that is required by the average workforce expectations. Maybe some days someone can ride the bus to work fine but others they wouldn’t be able to even leave the house, or would get to work late because of their symptoms inhibiting their ability to get ready or stay on the bus or etc. Maybe every once in a while being around a stranger wouldn’t make me paranoid and I’d feel relatively okay besides minor social anxiety, but other days under other unpredictable conditions, I’m walking everywhere grasping a weapon under my sleeve thinking over escape routes and ways I can use my environment to disable someone or evade them or etc. since everyone's obviously a dangerous criminal now for some reason,, etc. etc. ) 

Like I can't be around crowds, so if I could show up and do everything  I needed to do 3 hours in advance and then hide away in the corner later or something, that would possibly work for me, but like.. legit nobody is going to comply to that lmao. Like if it were professionally acceptable for everyone to work around my strange quirks and symptoms, allowing me to walk away for a little while when the sensory input is too overwhelming, allowing me to show up 4 hours early, not requiring that I communicate with others or network at all, people being understanding of me having a different style of communicating/speaking than other people and not being rude to me about having hardly any eye contact and not expressing genuine emotion when other people are hurt or etc., ensuring I can be located close to an exit so I can always leave the event quickly if needed, allowing me to just walk away if something in the environment freaks me out, being able to call someone else in as backup to do things for me if something like that happens, etc. etc. then I could maybe manage stuff like working with others or doing things like that, but it's unreasonable to expect people to alter a schedule and etc. just so I don't have panic attacks when they could hire , literally anyone else who doesn't exist with the same limitation as me lmao.

 But anyway, yeah, that's a nice idea!! I just don't know if I'd be able to work with a bunch of performers or have to travel to shows and stuff for them, especially since those are usually loud social environments, and it's unlikely people would be willing to put up with the Quirky Mentally Ill Persons' Special Requirements when they could probably find other people who don't need to show up 3 hours before anyone else arrives to the  event to cry in the corner and insists on hiding their face and not speaking to anyone and telling everyone to keep the music very low lol.. I’d have to have an advisor or spokesperson or something to escort me around, like they can take care of the social and overwhelming things and network for me and explain/introduce me to people and stuff and then my only job is just coming in and doing some makeups and then hiding while my Professionally Hired  Neurotypical Extrovert handles the rest lol. 

Which is another reason why , though I may find it fun possibly to collaborate with or do stuff with people, I would try to avoid doing that on a serious project unless it was explicitly stated that they were okay with those sorts of things, since I would feel weird like signing up to do the costumes in someone’s Actual Legit Serious Movie and then being anxious and unable to work properly. I would probably limit helping people with things to only doing that for very close personal friends or something, and even then only on more casual types of projects lol. If I was ever on a legit movie set or something I would absolutely have to have a Professionally Hired Assistant or something to talk to people for me and make it less weird when I inevitably have to leave early because something has caused me to have a panic attack, since at least then someone is like, walking out with me lmao, like ‘well, guess we’re not doing this anymore since they probably won’t invite us back,, want to go get a sandwich or something?’.. lol but yeah, I mean I could see certain very very specific conditions or occupations where it would be okay to be how I am (like an author who works from home and doesn’t have extremely strict deadlines and isn’t required to do stuff like book signings in person, etc.), but for the most part a lot of careers like that wouldn’t be accessible to me at the current moment lol. 

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-- 28. tbh you have so many kickin looks??? Where do you find all those cool lacy layer-y items? I've always wanted to give a similar style a try but I've never been able to find good stuff I get all my clothing at  a place called the bins (explained here), but I think you could also maybe go to thrift stores depending on where you live. Also a lot of the stuff  I use in outfits are like curtains and pillowcases and etc. so don’t be afraid to just pick up anything as long as it’s lacy and etc. whether it’s clothing or not lol

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-- 29. what sort of music do you like? lmao well it seems the original asker has since deactivated, I think this question was asked over a year ago lol, but idk I have had other people ask similar  a few times so I will try to answer anyway !

I have a pretty scattered taste in music and I’ve tried to decipher what exactly the criteria are for me to like a song, which all I’ve been able to come up with is: ‘is complicated or has an interesting tune that I can listen to and break apart all the little pieces of it like a puzzle’ , ‘has trumpets or anything that sounds like trumpets’ and ‘is upbeat sounding at least in terms of background music (like maybe not the lyrics but the other parts of the music sound kind of happy or at least energetic)’ (I don’t really have many sad or slow or angry sort of songs that I like, even if the content is negative the beat may still be fast or etc)  lol.

 Also I don’t really have much of an attachment to music ( which I think is partially because of my mental illness and other lack of emotional response or attachment type things since I also find it hard to invest in other forms of  media), so I’m certainly not big on  like,, listening to it lol?? I don’t have like weekly playlists or listen to music in the background while I work on things, I don’t have any bands who have saved my life or gotten me through a hard time or whatever people talk about, and don’t have any celebrities I’m personally invested in or watch interviews with bands and I have never been interested in stuff like going to concerts or buying CDs , but I do enjoy music on a surface level and I especially enjoy playing instruments and making music as an activity.

Anyway though, because of this, most of the stuff I listen to is pretty basic like just random things that I heard on commercials or have been hearing since I was a child (one of my favorite songs is still ‘September’ by Earth Wind & Fire, which I heard on a commercial or something when I was like 7 years old lol), and I still really do love them, but I don’t devote like a ton of time to discovering new music or investing in the lives of band members or anything. I don’t know if I have the capability to be a ‘Fan’ of something necessarily, I just have difficulty emotionally connecting to or investing any time in external sources (like celebrities, bands, movies, games, etc.). I listen to music by song, rather than by artist or genre (like, I’ll just hear one song on a commercial that I like and download that one song, but never look up the band or anything else,, whenever I’ve had music players that list ‘__ songs by ___ artists’ type stuff it’s always almost perfectly even (like 300 songs by 290 artists), I hardly ever listen to more than one song by the same group, and if I do then I guess I could classify them as a more ‘’favorite’’ band, but I’m not sure lol.. Anyway idk it’s all very scattered so I don’t entirely have a distinct type of music I really am super invested in ??

I do have a youtube playlist of songs I like, if that could maybe help as an example of what I find interesting to listen to??  though it’s really not my Favorite Songs, more just a list I use to keep random music in, like if I am on YouTube and a song is recommended to me in the sidebar and I watch it and like it then I'll add it to the list, or sometimes if I get distracted like looking up music for reference for writing I'm doing or something I'll end up adding a bunch of random of those songs in a row, etc.  It's all music that I like the sound of obviously since I added it to the list, but it’s arranged entirely randomly and is more just like, the equivalent to bookmarking something in your browser, just random music I come across on youtube or elsewhere over the course of months and add to the list for future reference since it sounds good to me. Though the one genre that I think is probably missing would be chiptune (or like, video game sounding) music, since I have a lot of that in my personal music collection but like never come across it on youtube in videos that are recommended to me, so the playlist probably paints a more Music That Is Available On Youtube-centric view of my taste, though I would say it’s still pretty  accurate besides leaving off some less common stuff like chiptune and etc. 

 For the sake of sharing I did try to edit it and drag a few of my kinda favorite ones up to the top, though they're still not in any particular order (like the number one song is not necessarily my ultimate favorite song,  etc. ) but the top 15 or 20 or so are more significant than the others i guess? , though I think there are some other ones i like a lot still scattered around the middle and bottom of the list that I didn't catch or etc. I couldn't be bothered  to actually organize the whole thing lol

((Additionally, before giving a link,  I wanted to specify again that I'm not super into music so I don't look up any of the musicians or anything. Some of the things on the playlist could possibly have problematic content or other things and some of the musicians may be bad people,  I have no idea,, but if so, me having it on my dinky youtube reference playlist is not condoning their actions or song content,, I don't provide  them with publicity since I literally never talk about music with others  and I don't have the money to pay for music or give financial support to artists to begin with, so because of that I'm pretty loose about just not really thoroughly examining a song and the person who created it and just casually adding it onto the playlist during a late night youtube browsing session as long as I think the beat sounds cool or I like the melody (or you know, like  I feel l can be more carefree about that sort of thing since it's not like I'm providing actual benefit to anyone.  If I was going to actually financially support or publicly promote an artist I’d absolutely examine their lyrics and personal attitudes and etc. ahead of time but with stuff like a casual private playlist which i'm only making unlisted for a brief time so I can share it in this one specific context, I’m not as discriminating about what i add) . 

There are some of course that I enjoy artistically or respect the lyrics of due to the content or etc. (though still mostly none I personally relate to since I’m an alien who doesn't experience a majority of things people make songs about (romance, attraction, close personal bonds, parties, social things, etc. lol)) but,  just for a majority of songs I haven’t investigated deeply so idk! I'm just not fully aware of the content of every single playlist item, so I didn't want there to be some inappropriate shit that I was unaware of and you assume that I agree with or condone it. If it was super obvious I would avoid it (like a song where the chorus is about supporting genocide or something ) but since like 50% of the songs are ones I’ve only listened to once or something, there could definitely be minor stuff I'm missing so I just wanted to be clear like, if the person who wrote a certain song on the playlist is abusive or awful or something I obviously don’t condone that and was not previously aware of it since I rarely ever look into artists or even know their lyrics, music is not a very big part of my life and I never discuss it with others or look into the personal lives of musicians or etc. so I’m just afraid of there being some like, secret bad thing I don’t know about and people assuming I’m okay with it because I carelessly added a song to a private playlist at 4am one day and never revisited it again or etc, so I guess in true I Am Incapable Of Not Rambling About Everything Fashion I had to write an entire disclaimer about it bhhh  )) 

but anyway, the link is below if that helps finally answer the few people who have asked about my music taste lol,, it’s mostly like, old disco sort of music and fast paced or interesting classical music with some random things and old hip hop type stuff and video game music thrown in lmao..  I don’t usually look through it but since examining it before posting it’s actually kind of funny as you can tell like.. ‘oh there’s like 10 violin songs in a row I guess they got lost down that youtube rabbit hole one day.. right next to it there’s 10 kirby game soundtracks ... hmmm’ , like you can see a clear pattern usually of ‘obviously clicked on a recommended video and then kept going through more recommended videos of the same type’ since the videos mostly appear in giant block sections of similar videos lol... again.. very scattered all over the place.. 

I know nothing about music and don’t listen to it often so I always feel weird talking about it, like if you were asked to write an essay on a school subject that you had no experience with aside from occasionally reading a magazine article about it once a month or something lmao,.. I feel the faint societal expectation to have a favorite band or be constantly discovering new cool bands or know a lot about celebrities and genre names and musical terms and be into musicians like everyone else is, but idk.. it is what it is.. I just like some songs I heard on commercials in elementary school and some random stuff youtube recommends me and that’s about it, sorry if my taste is not super professionally developed or showing extreme knowledge of obscure music or etc. etc. lmao, I’m just a boring olde hermit who listens to basically literally the exact same stuff I liked when I was like 9 years old and never branches out from that.. idk why anyone would expect anything more lol

www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPmQ4SZdFFHMouwB79rvjhwdEmk_lVpU7

i’ll make this private again soon but for now.. the playlist is unlisted just to show an example for the ask I guess, but again, not a whole and thorough representation of everything I like.. just a .. ‘here’s my songs I’ve clicked on while procrastinating things and watching youtube videos at 4am for the past year’ compilation bhbbb.... idk why it’s so stressful for me to talk about music lmao,, I guess because it’s something so many people take extremely seriously as a big part of their lives (like will legit drop friends over it, entire social groups are formed around it,  it’s held as a pivotal core of identity for some people, etc.) and since I can’t relate to that I’m afraid of it coming across as weird, like if I don’t emotionally invest or know about it to the same degree then I shouldn’t be allowed to listen to it in the first place or something? or that I’m not enjoying music they deem ‘cool’ or meeting their own personal standards therefore now they have a negative perception of me over it and will attempt to confront me about it? idk.. I’ve known multiple music snob types in my life though so it could be due to that as well lmao like.. residual fear of people coming after me over something I harmlessly listen to like once every two months and don’t even invest deeply in yet am getting made fun of over because I’m not an Elite Skilled Music Knowledge Professional Whom Only Listens To The Most Obscure Of Music bhbhbbb... like usual I just have such low energy to expend on things I think the thought of opening myself to criticism from strangers who are music majors or hipsters or something is like.. bbhbhjrbh  .. i jost want to sleep.. let me browse classical music at 2am even if I’m unsure of the Objective Professional Merit of it if I want to... it’s not.. bigg deal..  listening to the sims 2 soundtrack on repeat does not define me as a person.. please... ohhgggg

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-- 30. ur the most interesting person i've come across on this hell site!! i love ur outfits and your fantasy stuff :0 / 31. your work and just you in general are so so inspiring and amazing thank you for gifting us with your thoughts/ideas/general existence! much love

Just two more compliments included since I also wanted a spot to talk about how nice it is when people say they're inspired by me and stuff!! I really appreciate that. I know inspiration can be really fleeting and weird and it can be hard to work without it and everything, so everyone who says stuff like that about aspects of myself being interesting or inspiring or whatever I think that's really good, if I can really help people in that way. It’s cool to know I can have a positive influence of some form even if that’s never my goal or anything lol. 

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-- 32. Yo i just found ur blog n i saw that u posted a thing abt liking worldbuilding and stuff, but not really storytelling. have u thought abt getting into games like dungeons and dragons (unless u arleady are lol)? I'm pretty new to it but I'm sure people would be interested in just getting a cool and detailed environment and in their own adventures in it, or at least I would haha. Idk i've seen big team project w heavy worldbuilding so u might wanna check that out yeah I have looked into it kind of!! if I ever find an actual friend group in my area (it’s hard for me to speak to people over text due to a lot of things so it works better for me to focus on having in person friends. I know i can find online people but that’s so so hard for me since text communication takes so long i need to be able to talk to someone face to face or phone etc. etc. and skype scares me lol) I wanted to do a game or whatever,  but since I dont work or go to school, of course that’s impossible to find people to hang out with lol.

 But I have also looked into maybe just making stuff for other people like you mention, however I would need to learn a lot more about it like, what that entails and etc. Since if I ever did a game with friends, I was planning on abandoning most rules and really just having it focus on character interactions and collective world-building like, maybe there are a few rules and some loose structure, but definitely nothing like character stats or actual point keeping or etc. and it’s more like.. idk.. I would want the group to come dressed up and we act out things that happen, etc. I’ve done similar acting sort of stuff with various groups from like early childhood through high school, so I would want to bring in  elements of that, where I guess the ‘’game’’ would be less of a game and more similar to just an improv acting group in full costumes kind of LARPing around the house with a fantasy theme, only with a few light rules and game elements borrowed... basically just people dressed up (we could have group costume making nights and stuff!) walking in a circle or whatever while I make up environmental things on the spot and occasionally rolling a dice that hardly determines anything except on occasion providing direction through alternate branches of action or determining the next direction we walk in or etc. (or even just like use a random number generator to determine stuff, like if it’s 1 then we have to go left and X thing happens there, or if it’s 5 such and such event changes, etc. Game mechanic stuff would exist more solely as a device to bring an element of randomness and forced improvisation, not as a way to determine actual stats or the damage of an attack or outcome/success of an action or etc.)),,

But anyway, with making anything like environments for people who are not my friends that are all in on whatever random idea I’ve had,  I assume I would actually legit have to know all the rules and etc. of what I’m making stuff FOR, and fully understand commonly used game mechanics and such so that the environment or whatever can fit correctly,, so it’d probably be a bit different and would take a lot more looking into. When you’re doing something for a wider audience then you can’t just throw all the established rules out the window and do whatever lol. I like the concept of the loose fantasy acting focused rp thing I mentioned doing with a small group of close friends, but when it comes to like, actually having to write real rules and understand established games in order to create environments that work with them and etc., it starts to seem more tedious and dragged down to me.

 I would definitely be interested in doing it though if I was working with someone who had extensive experience with actual role playing games, so I could mostly provide world details and info and do all the background work and etc. and then they could just step in every so often like ‘oh actually you can’t have that we’d have to modify it this way’ and they could kind of guide me in insuring the background details I’m making are game-applicable and fit within accepted structure, instead of me just trudging through game handbooks and stuff on my own when I’m just not really passionate about learning that side of things and would rather focus merely on creating than becoming extremely familiar with systems I probably won’t use in my daily life lol. I would just feel weird making content for something when I hardly even know the most basic things about it. So I mean, yeah something like that sounds very extremely fun to work on and something I would absolutely love do if the circumstances were right, but I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own without someone else who could add base knowledge of the subject that could allow me to take full focus on just creating and developing details and stuff while they double check and direct stuff in regards to what rules have to be followed and etc. lol

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-- 33. what paint do you use to paint your sculptures? just random acrylic paint, I started out with (and still use) a cheap acrylic paint set from walmart that looks something  like this

but now I also usually buy little bottles like these 

since I use larger amounts of paint and etc. lol

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-- 34. You've probably never been asked about this before but what kind of camera do you have? i've been researching since I'm looking to buy one finally and I really like your photo quality ohggg, really?? You’re right i haven't ever been asked that lmao ,, i used to use a use a little $130 waterproof green camera, but with tax return money a few years ago I got a “Sony a5100 16-50mm” (I’m assuming, from my google search of the stuff written on my camera, the pictures seem to match lol.. But I don’t have the original box or anything.. I’m fairly confident it’s that one though)    which i use now. I think was only like $500 , which is still a hellish amount but I plan on it hopefully lasting like the next 10 years or something, and compared to other cameras bhh, some of them are like $1000 so idk i think it’s still a pretty okay deal , it works well for $500.. Though the main reason I bought it was just because it was one of the only ones I saw in the store that had decent quality, wasn’t like $606000000 , and also had a screen that flips back to the front of the camera, which was a must for me since I have to be able to see what I’m doing, especially if I’m filming or something. 

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-- 35.  Hi I was just wondering where those yellow sandals from the blue apron outfit are from? They're really cute all m’shoes from ebay babey

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-- 36. Fun fact: Everything you post is great. Your clothes, your creations, literally everything about you is absolutely beautiful. I love your text posts as well, like when you just say random thoughts?? Just -- this whole blog is ten outta ten. Thanks so much!! It really is double important to me when people mention liking my text posts and random thoughts and etc., since those are the ones I feel people generally care less about but that are also most realistic I guess? Like I obviously still appreciate it when people like my costumes and such, but that's such a small and far removed part of who I am, the closest thing to any semblance of my real personality*** would be like text posts and rambles in the tags and stuff, so in a way people saying they appreciate that is kind of more meaningful, since though all online expressions are inherently fake as hell in some way, those would probably at least be the truest and feel like a more accurate representation of me than just 'ohb preddy makeup person' lol, if that makes sense? It’s nicer to hear people appreciating something when the thing is closer to your actual self, or whatever?? idk lol

(*** which is obviously still imperceiveable through online medium, we just feel like we know people by observing their content but it's only a partial fraction snapshot that can never come anything close to a real human being, no matter how many podcasts you listen to or posts you read or videos and interviews and etc. you watch you'll never truly deeply know that individual as an actual person, as anything other than an imagined group of traits they’ve projected or abstract ideas they’ve conveyed that you’ve assembled in your mind, along with the assumptions, ideas, and personal significance that you’ve projected onto them since they don’t exist as real or tangible enough in relation to your actual life for those constructions to be really proven or disproven, etc. etc. etc. So like of course nobody can really know me unless they actually, legitimately interact with me consistently in daily life and see me doing mundane things in varied observable scenarios and know actual details about the more subtle aspects of who I am as a person to get a fuller picture. All online identity has an inherent falseness to it no matter how forward and honest the people are, you’re still always going to be missing elements of their story merely due to them being impossible to observe over this sort of medium, etc. etc. Idk!! I just don’t want anyone to think at any point that they could read my posts and like, have that be a concrete All You Need To Know about the ins and outs of my personality, I think we often do this with like online creators and etc. and assume that because we’ve formed a false closeness or perception of identity around them that we must Actually Know Them or etc. so any time I mention something online as representative of ‘my personality’ or something I just want it to be known that I’m not implying that these things would be actually a good way to Know my True Personality, more that they’re just, probably some of the most realistic depictions, yet still by nature meaningless in the broader scheme of conceptualizing me as anything more than a half person viewed through a constricted social media lens. I am very honest about myself and etc. online but on a grander scale, it doesn’t mean much, since an authentic understanding will always be inherently inaccessible, but it is at least nice to have people who appreciate the more realistic expressions, regardless of All That lol  )

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--  37. all your concepts are so good?? and i love reading about them?? the amount of worldbuilding you do has me shaking in my boots Thank you!!! Very similarly to the question directly above, people appreciating worldbulding concepts and etc. is much more meaningful since it’s so significant to me as a person. Costumes and art and such are obviously still important to me, but I guess worldbuilding things feel closer to myself since it's one of the activities I enjoy a lot more and spend much more time on but often don't share as much. So to have people appreciate that of all things is extra meaningful, since again I think like, ‘silly nerd that spends 90% of their time thinking about fantasy realms’ is a much more honest representation of who I am than like, ~~otherwordly costume makeup fashion person~~ lmao, I could probably be both, but I guess it just feels like  a more authentic part of myself is being appreciated since 75% of my waking lifetime I'm sitting at home in dirty torn up clothing having not brushed my hair in 8 weeks with no makeup on pacing back and forth talking to myself about elves or something lmao. Maybe if my real life were more, dressed up and fancy and nice and stuff I would feel a bit more kindred with Being A Person Who Does Makeups And Stuff And Having That Be Primarily What I'm Appreciated For, but,, I'm a wide variety of things and probably a mentally ill world-builder hermit first and foremost before any of the other things I do (as that being in some way part of my life since like... I was 6  years old lol),, so idk!! hopefully that makes sense!! I just appreciate it a lot that the more obscure yet also more personally valuable parts of myself  can be appreciated by others as well. I guess like anything that people spend a lot of time on but generally get less recognition for, especially if it’s something that they see as personally significant to themselves or something they really enjoy investing time in, it’s always going to be extra special to have people care about that thing lol

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-- 38. You should work at Hollywood! you could totally be a concept artist for wardrobe and makeup for a fantasy or post-apocalyptic movie. I really enjoy all of your work! Thanks for the compliment! maybe lmao, I think it would be hard to do any job like that, even putting my aforementioned inability to work and functioning issues aside, I also just find it hard to invest in things I don't care about??? So like, I would want to be only doing a very specific aesthetic, and I'm pretty sure they don't let you do that right off the bat lmao, like if you're coming in with 0 experience and no connections, especially with how competitive creative fields often are, I feel like you'd kind of have to take whatever work you can get and wouldn't be able to just be like, "oh yeah uh,, I only EXCLUSIVELY work on these five types of aesthetics?? I just cant do anything else!" because they'd just be like “fine bitch we’ll hire someone else more adaptable, you don’t yet own the right to be picky and you don’t know shit” lol..  

Like I would want the freedom to pick and choose and exclusively work within the confines of the few aesthetics that i find most interesting or inspiring, and I feel like especially as someone who would be new to it and etc. people would see that as like  ‘.. no.. take what you can get you fool.. once you get some status in this field and stuff THEN you can start to be picky and known for a certain unique style and etc. but you cant just show up doing that you uncooperative unadaptable noob freak’ .. But yeah so since it’s so hard to stay motivated on things if the idea isn't fascinating to me in some way then like.. I just.. wouldn't be able to do that lol... That’s another reason I don’t think I could do commissions or anything like, if I hated the aesthetic or the idea then I just wouldn't be able to work well on it or stay productive, I have enough functioning issues as it is, me absolutely having no interest in doing something would only make it 10000000x harder to overcome that, and the result would likely suck bhhb

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-- 39. i like how thorough you are. your passion about the things you are talking about shows through.  a lot of people just shorten their thoughts esp online bc theyre worried about seeming long-winded, but then you dont get the full picture you know? as someone who likes reading and researching and worldbuilding, i totally enjoy your stuff. but as someone who also writes big paragraphs all the time, i get how frustrating it is to feel the need to .. keep elaborating. we just cant resist lol

Thanks so much!! Yeah at a point I've just stopped caring.. though I do often feel the need to try to reign myself in, I think I just naturally communicate kind of differently from others in a very deeply ingrained way,  since no matter what alterations I try to make or how much I try to cut down my speech or something it's like I just literally don’t process stuff any other way and can't even conceptualize an alternate form of communication,  so I think at a point you just have to come to terms with that and adapt around it. 

Like I never never text people and make sure all of my friends are okay with calling me or just talking to me in person instead because especially on a touch screen phone where I'm already pretty inhibited because I cant use the screen as fast as I can type on a physical keyboard ( and I generally type pretty fast on a physical keyboard ( I just took a typing test and it said 78 words per minute but that’s really hard since I have to read the text and copy it (I don’t place my hands correctly, I just peck around the keyboard by memorization, so copying text is like frantically looking back and forth lol) , I would assume when typing words off the top of my own head it’s probably closer to 90 or 100 or something.. on a phone screen I probably do fuckin.. 30 words per minute or something bhbhbb) it can take me like 2+ hours to reply to a single text, especially since I usually have to break them up into parts due to the length and etc. 

Which is another reason I require only in-person friends , because having long distance friends, especially ones who only communicate over text is just HELL like its just too long,. I cant spend 5+ hours or more a week just typing to someone , especially when I know if we just talked on the phone I could express all the exact same things in legit half the time, . I know it's contrary to most people with severe social anxiety but really for me its just so much easier to communicate on the phone or in person, even if I hate it more socially, it's such a huge time saver and so much simpler for me and everyone I talk to lol. No matter how fast I type it still often takes me 2 hours to reply to simple conversations since I just type, SO MUCH.. bhb

But yeah back to the main point, there are a lot of things in my life that I've had to kind of adapt around the way I communicate but, I don't think it's very changeable so I just do my best to embrace it and work with it lol! I'm glad that you appreciate it and that there’s others of us out there who have to include 5000 details and side tangents and etc.  and are typing a full novel’s length of words in every single mundane  thing they ever say lol

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- -- 40. whats the story of your url? lol, the current reasoning behind my url is basically like,  Earth, Wind & Fire is one of my ‘‘favorite bands’‘ (I reference more about my relationship to music and not really having favorite bands and etc. in one of the questions above), so the whole “ ___ ____ and ____ “ format of my url was taken from the band name lmao.. I added Ice just because of my eternal love for  cold stuff and snow and I love icy colors since white and blue are my favorite colors and etc. I kept wind because I just...  focking love wind and the feeling of wind, especially cold chilling wind with ice particles in it that sting your face.. ohg.. my favorite to be outside in.. . And then ‘Boring Horror’ is a song by some old band (or musician??) I used to like named gobble gobble, who i think is now called born gold?? I dont keep up with their music anymore or know anything about them and honestly didn't know much about them then.  I just really liked the term 'boring horror'  (entirely removed from the context of the song since idk what the context is..I  like sounds and rhythm and can appreciate some music lyrically sometimes but that’s about it,  I literally never research artists or look up and read lyrics or have deep connections to music or etc. so I actually have no idea about this person or the lyrics of the song or what the phrase is supposed to mean). I have no idea what the songwriter really meant by it, I just thought the wording 'boring horror' was cool because I like the idea of mundane but horrible things and to me, the phrase alone personally brings to mind like the idea of being terrified of very mundane things, like that boring daily things can be just as horrible as anything else, especially with me having ocd and severe anxiety and paranoia and etc. Additionally I find myself fairly boring generally but aspects of horrible things have shaped significant parts of my personality, so in a way I could be described as both boring and horrible as well as afflicted by boring horrors lol..  So that was the full original reasoning. 

But like... it's long.. and also i don’t want to be associated with this born gold or whoever that person is just because forever years ago i liked the wording of a phrase from a song i don’t even actually know the lyrics to lmao... like what if they turn out to be a big racist or something? Idk  I never like to associate myself with real people who can make mistakes and etc. because there could always come a time that I need to revoke the association and then that’s more complicated than necessary and etc. I would love to change my URL but that’s also a lot of work like.. I’d have to go change the links to everything I’ve ever linked to and etc. etc. But  even if I change it, idk what it would be... i could use the lucalicatte url that I've been keeping and be very practical about it.. stay consistent just being ‘lucalicatte’ everywhere.. OHHG.. i could make it something in.. avirrekava.. or just foolish like GourdOrc .....VampiricCheesePlatter.... hBBBB... I like the avirrekava idea since it is my own constructed language and thus seems more like, cool to make things in.. Like a private language just to myself that I can use to name stuff or etc. But overall idk... I do definitely want to change it at some point, I guess I just have to wait until I have the physical energy to deal with changing all of my links and stuff lol.. and decide between surrealist fantasy nonsense names and actual serious ones 

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-- 41. Hi i was wondering, what do you use for your gold highlights, and where do you buy elf ears? (it's totally okay if you don't remember too, don't sweat it) I have some LA Colors gold eyeshadow that my cousin got me from the dollar store, I think they still sell it. That’s the only gold thing I have so I use it for all of my gold stuff lol. Elf ears are from ebay, I mention stuff about them in more detail here (link)

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-- 42. i feel like i relate to u so Much an i wish i lived closer an we could b friens also you inspire me i'm sorry,, idk donot be snorry, this is a nice aske ,, best of wishes to you friemb

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-- 43. Hey! I really love ALL of your looks so much and i've wanted to buy a wig for a long time and I was wondering where you got your long powder blue one? Thank you!!! Thanks so much for the compliment!! That one I actually think I got from like... whatever that place was lmao.. Gothic Lolita Wigs or something? It’s like legit the only wig I have that I actually spent money on, I think it was like $40 or something, but I got it probably about 7 years ago so I’m sure they may not carry that exact one anymore. It’s like curly with detachable pigtails, so if they did still have it you’d be looking for one like that. 

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-- 44. hi! i love ur fantasy identity generator i got some really cute ones ad but i'd just like to know how you made it? i've been wanting to make one of my own for awhile now Ahhh, thank you so much! But actually I am not sure if I could offer much advice lol, as I had no idea what I was doing! I had never made anything from scratch like that before (like just starting with a totally blank page that has nothing on it then using html and etc. to make something be on it lol), so mostly I just followed tutorials, like legit it was just a process of “here’s what I need to do next… don’t know how to do that…*googles the thing*.. *follows tutorials/forums/examples*.. okay, that’s done.. here’s what I need to do next.. don’t know how to-” etc. repeat lol

The only advice I could give is that if you’re unsure what you’re doing (like me lol), try to get the base stuff working first,, since you’ll probably be changing things around a bit.. Like writing out all the different list items to be generated was the last thing I did, because I didn’t want to have all this text written and ready to use but have no idea how to apply it. I wanted to have the solid structure of ‘click button and it generates thing randomly’ first so I didn’t get ahead of myself (like if you drew a bunch of images for a game or something before even looking at how you’d have to structure it and then once you get in you realize all the images will actually have to be totally different for the layout to work and you did all that for nothing, etc.). I pretty much always follow the ‘figure out all the base mechanics you would need for a thing to work and make a smaller simplistic version of it first before adding additional details’ rule when making anything, since it helps especially if you’re doing something you have zero experience in, or if it’s something big (like a game or etc) where you can’t afford to mess up on simple core basics later in the process.  

But yeah I’m really not qualified to talk about this! I have no idea what I'm ever doing and pretty much no experience with html and stuff, but if it helps, this is pretty simple to do (at least compared to like, other things I’ve seen where I stumble upon a tutorial and legit can not even read half of what it says because I don’t even understand the very basics required to grasp the simplest concept or term definitions, like really complicated javascript or some shit lol), it’s legit just four (or however many options you want to generate) buttons you have to figure out and then write some list items and then css to customize. Just start somewhere and then google whatever you need along the way (like at the beginning I just googled  something like ‘html random generator tutorial’ or etc., then just keep looking around as needed), good luck!  

Additionally, you don’t have to make it yourself, I can’t remember why I chose to do it that way lmao, but there’s also places like this - 

http://www.generatorland.com/default.aspx

where I think you can just make a generator through their site. So that could be helpful as well! 

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-- 45. sewing stuff out of scraps and turning stuff into other stuff would be cool to watch, really cool! maybe a process video of scrap sewing, like, "i'm gonna do that thing now", and then filming how the Thing is done, explaining takes a lot of braining but it would be coooool thanks! I’ll keep it in mind! I have like half made similar videos before but I always delete them before editing because i dislike the footage or end up hating what I’ve made lmao, but maybe I’ll try again! I do want to make videos more often! Thanks for the support and the idea suggestion!!

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-- 46.  hi luca, i wanted to know if its okay if others can draw your species? giving credit of course Hmm, I guess maybe it would depend? I haven’t fully established like, what my stance on other people participating in my worlds or using my ideas should be yet, but for the most part I think like, it depends on what exactly you're doing. maybe something like-  

- If you're just drawing something: give credit to me somehow and also possibly show it to me so I can be aware you’ve even drawn it, and just don’t use my species in anything like racist propaganda art or something (idk how that would even be applicable (”you know what this racist poster needs??? some art of elf boys”)  but, you know what I mean lol..) 

and then for anything more detailed than basic art it would depend as well like..

-If making OCs that exist in my world/are members of my species or etc:  you specifically must ask for permission and credit me, and also I guess maybe like, talk to me a little about it?? just so I can make sure that you're still following the lore (since I have some worldbuilding stuff I haven't posted about yet, it's possible you could make a character that like, actually wouldn't be possible to exist given world rules I didn't explain yet, so maybe just checking with me ahead of time to make sure the character is lore friendly and stuff (and also that you're not using it in a fucked up way , like 'here's my OC from your world they're a 12 year old dating a 40 year old and also I use a lot of harmful ableist tropes on top of promoting pedophilia"   i'd probably have to like.. withdraw permission or something lmao since uh,, Bad..), mostly just like “oh I’d like to have a character who is a Verrucalt but they’re not magic” or etc. and then I’d have to be like “well, that doesn’t really exist, but maybe tell me why you wanted that to be a thing/what conflict it was supposed to create in the character and then perhaps I could find a lore-friendly solution that could have a similar effect, such as a curse that inhibits them from using most magic or etc. etc.”, just checking with me for world detail stuff ahead of time 

- If writing stories set in my world or involving my species, etc:  basically the same as above  except a little more intensive (bigger emphasis on getting explicit permission and speaking to me a lot about it before hand, this one is probably reserved only to close friends or like.. very very trustworthy seeming strangers who have spoken to me about their idea at length), since with an entire long form story there would be a lot more chance to stray from established world rules or do things that break immersion/ deviate from lore to the point that it's like, you might as well not even use this setting if it's so different from how it actually is (or you know, I would think the entire point of setting your book in the world of another person is, because you enjoy the  world and it’s rules, otherwise you might as well just make your own world,, so then in that case I would think sticking to the established way the world works and stuff is a Main Goal)..  So again, probably just ask permission and DEFINITELY credit me (especially if you’re publishing it somewhere) and talk to me in depth about the details, you could even ask me like 'is this something that could happen?' or etc. and I'd be happy to have discussions with you or whatever and explain what could or couldn't happen or if a certain type of magic could be  used in the way you want to use it in your story or etc. , so just usual maintaining internal consistency in the world and stuff type things  (and again, don’t use my world/characters/species as props in your gross abusive/racist/etc.  stories or shit like that lol, that’s also part of asking permission, though obviously I can’t control everything everyone does and some stuff could slip through the cracks, I can at least attempt to ensure my ideas are not being used harmfully or to cause harm to other people)

((oh yeah and I don't think anyone gives a shit about my OCs , but that would be the only exception in terms of drawing stuff. You definitely still could still draw them (especially if I start making actual stories or games or etc. with them, I would have to be a bit looser about this)  but unlike the vague species drawings and stuff, I would ask that you get permission before drawing OCs, just again, for the sake of internal consistency thing.. the idea of seeing someone like, draw an OC in something they 100% wouldn't wear or them doing something completely out of character is weird, so that is the only case of drawing things where I may ask you to check with me first if it's okay, since like, with a random species member (as long as you don't show like Ythrili watching a modern TV or things that are super lore inconsistent) there's really not much you could do incorrectly, there's no established information about this random person, they're just some made up idea you're drawing, but with OCs there ARE established details about them and etc, so then you could have to attempt to be faithful to that.. but again.. non issue.. nobody knows about them since I never actually draw them lol.. but just IN CASE..))

And then idk, I can’t think of many other applications than that or other ways people would want to use my stuff, if you're unsure just ask!!

BASICALLY TLDR  the main idea is just like, my world is still a closed world and isn’t really open for everyone to use concepts from or draw or etc. , but there are varying levels to that, and under certain conditions I would allow people to use elements of that in their own work and etc.,, it would just require prior permission and mildly extensive conversation to make sure the concepts check out, and really is only an option among people who seem trustworthy and who actually care deeply about this sort of thing and are similar to me in their attention to wanting to stick to the details of the lore and have everything be consistent and etc. So, current status is like.. ‘Not Open To Collaborations/ World Is Closed (Except In A Few Tiny Specific Scenarios Among Friends Or Reasonable Strangers Or Etc.)’ .. And again, my stance on this is subject to change, it’s kind of a hard thing to really conceptualize , but currently this is at least kind of my feelings on it. I want there to be internal consistency in my world and for the concepts to not be used for harm, but additionally I can see the benefit in opening things like this up to collaboration to other people, so I feel like I could let other people use the concepts, but just only under specific conditions and stuff and really only among people I am already familiar with or have spoken to about it enough that it they seem like a good personality match for allowing into my content (someone who also likes to stick to established details, unlikely to treat the world carelessly, etc.). 

BUT!!  as far as just drawing stuff goes (which is significantly less complicated than other ways to use the concepts), yeah, feel free to! Just make sure you give credit and don't draw anything morally shitty or incredibly inconsistent with what you know about the world, but other than that I'm 100% fine with people drawing my species or etc.!! Feel free to ask about anything as well, like if you wanted to draw a ythrili but were unsure if the coloring pattern you wanted to use existed among them or etc. etc. Just merely drawing things is way less significant or regulated than the other things you can do with content so, I really don’t mind people casually drawing my species or anything. That’s always fine to do as long as it follows the rules about credit and stuff. 

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-- 47. what do you call your personal style or would you just describe it as a mash up of dolly, mori, and cult party kei? I’m not really sure! I used to sometimes call it ‘bright mori’ which is like, basically doing mori kei stuff but with more pastel and bright elements, like instead of browns and florals using light colors and whimsical stuff like star prints or etc. but, I don’t really have a name for how I dress currently, it is just kind of a mix mash of things? My main aesthetic is defined in this post ‘here’ (link) , idk what the name for it could be though lmao.. 

Maybe something like ‘Cloudstyle’? or something lol (since idk, clouds are light and airy and whimsical but also are often represented in magical or fantasy themed imagery, which would represent the incorporation of historical fashion and fantasy elements and etc.) , but Cloudstyle also sounds like a weird shitty music genre so there'd probably be a better name incorporating the word ‘cloud’ if i actually thought about it longer than 10 seconds or etc. lol.. Or I could use Avirrekava,, ‘asejhudevyati’ being their word for style and  ‘eyivi‘ being the word for cloud so like... eyivivyati (eh - yee - vee- vya- tee)  or even Eyivati , or just Yiva for short (they often have like.. multiple ways of shortening words or multiple versions of the same words combined together) ,, but also I just don’t care to think about it that much or define it lol, 

I feel like it’s kind of weird to name a style that only applies to you exclusively  I guess??  like , maybe it’d be one thing if you and your friends all dress that way or like, many people already like to dress the same but just don’t have a cohesive name for it but like... wearing clothes that slightly don’t already fit into a distinct category and then deciding that you then must create one is like, not really bad I guess like it’s harmless and etc. but idk would just feel weird for me to do.. like as if I’m trying to take myself way too seriously or be really Official about it. Like the difference in connotation between “oh yeah idk I just dress however I want and stick to the themes I like” vs. “Aha, well actually this is my New Innovative Style and even though I am the only one who dresses this way it has an official name and is very important and distinct~” , etc. idk lol, hopefully you get what I mean? It just would feel almost, too serious to make a name for the way I dress when it’s like, something only I do?? That would be like, me enjoying to eat mustard on apples and despite literally not knowing anyone else who does this and it just being this little personal thing, I decide I have to claim it as it’s own unique cuisine category and make an Official name for the mustard on apples trend and etc. etc. Like unless other people were interested in dressing in my style and there was some sort of craftable cohesion wanted or etc, I could never see myself doing something like giving it a distinct name or making a list of actual rules for it or etc. I would just feel weird giving it that much significance if it’s only something I do, and not like a legit style other people have show interest in as well or something lol.. hopefully that makes sense?? 

But yeah, so idk what it’s called! I could think about potential names and etc for fun, but i would never legit name it or claim it as a thing without a legit reason to, since it would feel weird. So for now it’s just,, idk I dress however I feel like lol

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-- 48. your love for your cats is INSPIRING thank you so muche... they appreciate it 

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-- 49. I really enjoy your style. How do you put together your outfits? Do you find most of it, or do you make it yourself? I get most of it at the bins (explained here).  I only sew things occasionally, and it’s usually out of scraps I got at the bins, rather than buying fabric and making my own items entirely from scratch lol. And the way I put together outfits is honestly just, throwing things on the floor and seeing if they look good next to each other lmao, truly, I just spend a little while picking up things that look like they’d go with an item (I usually choose a central item that I’m matching everything else to, like a dress or tights or a scarf) and laying it down next to the Main Item  on the floor and arranging them different ways, once it looks okay as an outfit I roll it up into a little fabric bundle and put it away to wear later  lol

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-- 50. is there information anywhere about the language of your vampires? whenever you mention it in drawings and tags its interesting but i havent seen any bigger posts about it. sorry if i missed it i did check your blog before asking OHGGG bhh I know, I should probably actually write something about it but I haven't made any Actual Posts or anything.. i am just unsure where to start and I’m also still kind of like, I mean i guess you could consider the language ‘’done’’ in the sense that I could translate just about anything into it and etc. , but at the same time there’s still some stuff I feel I’m not confident in (like grammar structure, I know how the grammar in the language works but I guess it’s more just that I don’t feel I explored a ton of different options of grammar when researching for the language, so I feel like,,,, what if I find something I like more ? like what if i decide to change the sentence order or something lmao, and then that’d be weird if I already had a lot written about it, Some stuff I know I want to keep like I like the way verbs work and stuff, but other things it’s like, I technically have them worked out but I’m just not Confident in , if they really work okay or if I want to keep them that way so idk! it’s just weird) 

But I do plan to do more with it, I have a few songs I’m writing in Avirrekava and I want to make a little animation to have an example of it being spoken, (I’m unsure what to use currently but I think maybe something simple like, some of my OCs live in Navyete and would technically natively speak Avirrekava (well I guess just Anaheire and Aki, Melon is still learning lmao.. I can’t think of anyone else who would know it) so I could maybe just have like.. one of them ordering something at a coffee shop or, something basic like that,  just a little scenario I could do the voices for so I can  have a short example of the language actually being spoken), also I would actually post things about it lmao, like, background info, I guess I just need to get more comfortable with it and be sure that I want to keep the way it is and get to a point where I’m fairly confident with the construction. Right now about 50% of it I think is good to keep and the other 50% is like... idk... it works, I can translate things into it, but maybe some stuff is still subject to change as I think more about it. (and also stuff like I need to write pronunciation in IPA or whatever and etc. which I just,,, don’t feel like taking the time to do lmao, but I probably Need To so people can actually have info on how to say the words and etc.)

But for now I can leave you with a few extremely important phrases : 

Avu vavaenu vinadajaki vhire  - I am (very politely) an egg.  Avu slere'nhenavanu ti? Avu vanu vinadajaki erre! - Dare i say? I am an EGG!!!!!!!! Avu vanu vinadajaki ku..  - I am… probably an egg..i guess Avu vavaeri vinadajaki - I will be an egg. Avu slera'vavaena vinadajaki  -  I may not have been an egg.. Shyena avu vavaeka avaeda vinadajaki. Avu avuda vinadajaki, narraterre na'arra..  -  After all this time, I am still not your egg. I (am) my own egg, you bastard... Terevaeri vinadajaki ara! - I command you to become an egg immediately!! Taru, ke vinadajaki   - Hello, this (is) egg. Vinadajaki vanu jeneh ti ? -   Why… is egg? Dya ba’vinadajaki nyava’unuvaeka… - At least eggs are not capable of murder

(sorry for a seemingly insane amount of V’s, I didn’t consider that the verb for being something (va) and the word for I (avu) and the word for egg (vinadajaki) all have like.. Vs in them, so any sentence formed around being an egg or etc. is going to just look like vevevvavve vevaeuva vevavevvavevvivivvaue when written in this english alphabet bbhbgbbg) 

There.... now you can speak the language like a true native,, good luck communicating with the Avirre’thel... I’m sure they will appreciate your interest in the deepest and most important aspects of vampiric culture... (at least until I decide to change the entire structure of the language and these sentences are no longer valid lmao)

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-- 51. Your cat's 8th birthday post cheered me up SO MUCH!! thank you!! and also HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THEM!! They way you decorated everything is so pretty! I hope they had a wonderful birthday! ohgggg they did! sorry this has taken so long it’s already almost their birthday again lmao, but !! I’m glad.. always lov when people appreciate my sweet sweet boyes 

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-- 52. have you looked into sensory processing disorder at all? your symptoms some very similar to mine and that's what i've got. (also hell yea being alone is The Best ) I’ve vaguely known of it just from my study of mental illnesses but haven’t really considered it for myself. Its always hard since there’s always so much symptom overlap between different things, like never knowing whether something is OCD or StPD or other things or random trauma related symptoms that don’t fit into anything particularly. From what I looked up I do have a reasonable amount of the common symptoms and signs or whatever, but I would have to think about it a lot longer to consider the place of that in relation to my existing diagnoses, study it more, and talk to my therapist about it lol. But, thanks for the suggestion! It does seem worth looking into I guess, though I usually kind of ignore those things about myself as random personal quirks, it probably is unusual to be that bothered by sensory input and etc. lmao 

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-- 53. Hey,  I really liked that scultpre! Esp the eyebroes for some reason????? Looks cool Thank so much!! I need to work on sculptures more often lol,  I kind of got out of the habit of it and so distracted by other projects and everything but, I really really enjoy them and hope I can start to make more soon!! idk why I went into a weird distracted slump but, I definitely still remember them and have some sculpts I plan to do hopefully. Sorry for not doing on in  so long.. gotta get back to that,.. lov to.. touch softe clay...squinsh  -

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- -- 54. hey what brand are those blue and red sneaker sandals?? i love them and would love to find ones like them ty ty  from ebay or similar cheap sites lmao, just search ‘sneaker sandals’ or ‘athletic sandal’ or something similar. They're hard to find kind of and usually don't have specific brands. I wish they were more popular so there'd be more selection (especially for my big large feet)  but for now you’d probably just be lucky to find any. At least the past few times I’ve looked for them it’s been hard to find good ones in my size. time for... Sneaker Sandal revolution... give me more...

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OKAY THATS EVERYTHING LMAO sorry hopefully this wasnt too weird and disorganized of a layout to do this in 

#replies #eternal hell... i've been trying to finish this since like january lmao... #tfw chronic exhaustion and functioning issues.. #but at least it's finally.. done.. cleared... now i just have to work on clearing out the 5000 million other things i wanted to #by the time I'm done with january new years cleaning goals it'll be december bhbhjrg

[seenashwrite]

See you thought it was fun, and now I’ve gone and done some pondering #prayers for Sal

salvachester replied to your post “Hello, new Nashooligans!”

but NASH, it's fun to see you lecture when you are actually right (srsly, what part of "don't steal from others, Stealing IS BAD" ppl don't get??)

@salvachester I’ve actually given this some thought, Sal, and - other than it not being addressed formally by parents and/or in school - my guess is it’s the knee-jerk thought process of “Well if it’s not for sale, it must be free.”

This was likely a rhetorical comment, but it’s Monday and I’m avoiding Monday adulting, so here we are. Feel free to ignore. Or hey, waste time with me, it can be a group activity.

And I don’t know if the opposite - being almost wary of stuff that’s not got clear parentage - is my knee-jerk due to having gone to school for a thousand years (citations! proper biblio! what does the literature say! footnotes! robust sources! gaaaah!), or if it has to do with age. I already had one foot into adulthood when social media exploded. I’m sure I’ve failed in the past, but now-a-days, I try not to pass along things that appear to have been slapped on here/the Twits without being “shared” as appropriately as possible.

Which, I tell you, the way I was “raised” in terms of leadership style/management style is to train your brain - in a situation where a subordinate has made a mistake - not to immediately blame them, but to first consider were they in any way set up for failure? Meaning: was this related to a systems issue/supply issue/staff support issue/etc. 100% incompetence and/or willful malice should be the conclusion when all else is eliminated. 

So most of these sites - the ones with broader focus than sharing quick thoughts or life updates (like, Twitter’s primary function wasn’t about sharing artwork, Facebook’s jam was supposed to be non-business networking, I know things evolve, but you get my point) - in particular play a big part in this, too. Specifically for the lack of share buttons with every popular media site listed, which should then alert the creator to the publishing of their thing on an outside site. It’s nigh impossible to track, just for plain ol’ metrics, but also because if I were able to see an uptick on Instagram, I’ll know to keep an eye out for folks who do the ol’ screencap and pass-a-long thing.

I’ve thought about locking this blog down to the “nth” degree possible (it’s currently viewable by anyone), and making a side blog for CASPN that’s public. I know that won’t prevent 100%, but maybe it’ll shave off the top.

I also am really convicted regarding naming names, if a thief (or accidental re-posters who can turn themselves into thieves) has been informed and given a link to follow and asked to kindly delete their post, then does not do it. I give them about a week, depending on if it’s evident they post multiple times a day, and then if not? I think the given fandom should be told.

But.

That garbage overtook my blog and drew out a handful of cranky folks who were apparently having a bad day and needed to process it aloud and it fell at the NashHole Inc doorstep (and, hey - they lucked out, they could’ve done it to a dragon slayer instead of someone who decided a loooong time ago to go the educational windbag route with those types of folks), and it really wasn’t my intent. I *am* thankful that nobody piled on that kid, that people did as I asked and just reported the post/spoke bluntly but not rage-y in messages, but lord have mercy, I wish I could shut it down and let folks know this particular one is over, and there’s no need for anyone to waste their time going over there, or clog up their blog.

So here’s my thought: Should there be a blog that’s focused on SPN thievery, story plagiarists, etc., exclusively? Kinda like how Canon SPN gifs is just.... well, canon SPN gifs. And it’d have a whole slew of mods who’ve been around forever, who live in a variety of continents/countries/time zones so that the mailbox 24hr coverage so to speak, and ideally a good chunk of whom have had things stolen from them. And it would have a process similar to what I describe: the request to take down; some standard time period with flexibility based on whatever circumstances (say, if they’ve noted somewhere that they’re on a hiatus); if that time period passes with no response, or they block the rightful owner or behave rudely, then comes the report to the site in question followed by the “report to the fandom” via this blog in an agreed-upon simply formatted post; tag the post with the thief’s name so that people can come back and search for updates; and of course, update the fam along the way.

I figure that way people can follow or subscribe for alerts, and then reblog at their discretion, or could make a tiny post of their own with a link back to a certain post at the theft blog being like “Y’all need to look at this post if you’re a writer, the SPN Thief Alert blog found a Wattpad user with a ton of stolen stories”. 

Anyway. Hmmmmm..... Okay, sorry my brain droppings fell on you, you lucky victim! MWAH!

#Nash Replies #Nash Ponders #on thieves and plagiarism and such #and it fell on poor ol' #salvachester #Queueby Dooby Doo #Dad's on a blog post and #he hasn't been queued in a few days

[quirkyresources]

- ̗̀ How to Make Gifs with Photoshop and KMPlayer (Very Detailed) by quirkyresources ©  ̖́-

♡ All my tutorials ♡

Hi! I'm no expert, but I've been making gifs for at least like four or five years, and over that time I've learned a lot, so I want to share that stuff :) Also, someone requested that I teach them how to gif. I hope this helps!

This tutorial will teach you how to create simple but quality gifs, like the ones in the gifset above! Those gifs are all from TV shows, but it should apply to giffing almost anything. I’ll be using KMPlayer and Photoshop.

This is the gif I’ll be showing how to create, as an example:

If you have any questions at all, please feel free to message me here :) And I’m somewhat new to writing tutorials, so if you notice that I got something wrong, please let me know. Thanks!

Please like/reblog if this is at all useful to you. Thank you so much if you do!

You need:

KMPlayer (link below) 

Photoshop (I'm using CC 2017, but I think any version with the timeline should work) 

A video to gif (recommended source below) 

A sharpening action (recommendations below) 

A PSD / or to know how to color gifs (recommendations & tips below)

I'll go over:

How to buy/download PS, download KMPlayer, and download a video! 

Taking screencaps in KMPlayer 

Importing the screencaps into Photoshop 

Cropping and timing the gif, organizing layers, etc. 

Adding a PSD or tips for coloring it yourself 

Adding subtitles & learning font settings 

Saving for web 

Posting to Tumblr

Various tips along the way!

The tutorial is under the cut. Have fun and good luck! ♥

[Note: If a photo looks too small, right click it and choose "open in new tab"]

Step 1: getting Photoshop, KMPlayer, and quality videos

Get Photoshop: I was able to buy my Photoshop, so I don’t have any free downloads to recommend, I’m sorry! But there are plenty of other Photoshop blogs on tumblr that can help with this stuff :) And there are some deals from adobe that might help you afford it if you want to buy it instead. They had a great one for college students that totally helped me. Anyways, if you can get it somewhere/somehow, here are the next steps...

Download KMPlayer: Here's the link (it's free!): kmplayer.com You can use it to watch videos, but in this case we use it to take screencaps of them to use for gifs.

Get your video: If you’re going to download a movie or show, I recommend getting torrents from thepiratebay.org and using μTorrent to download them. (Here's a tutorial for how to download stuff with it.) Be careful with viruses and stuff, though! When you look for a video, try to get one that's as HD as you can find, meaning one that is 720p or 1080p! That tells you what the height of the frames will be, in pixels. They are usually big files, but should be much better quality than others. Also, try to find videos that do NOT have network logos or ads on them!! They can make gifs look pretty bad, and it takes some serious cropping to get rid of them, which then makes it look even less quality.

Step 2: taking your screencaps Open your video in KMPlayer. (Open KMPlayer and press CTRL O.) Get to the exact scene/clip you want to gif. (Tip: it's hard to find the exact place you're looking for, so I recommend using your right/left arrow keys to skip through a little at a time.)

Once you're at the part of the video you want to gif, press CTRL G. This brings up the "frame extraction" window. This is where, as you can probably guess, you extract the frames for your gifs! Here are the settings I use:

I use these exact settings almost every time, except for the image format section. I go between JPEG and PNG. I use JPEG if I'm making a smaller gif (like 268px width or less) and I use a PNG if I'm making a larger gif (like 540px width.) This is because (or at least I've heard) PNGs are the highest quality option, JPEGs are the middle, and bitmaps are the lowest (don't use them!!) The only downside is that the higher the quality, the higher the screencap's file size. So use PNGs sparingly if that matters to you.

You can also change the "prefix" of the screencap filenames.

After figuring out all of these settings, click "start"! Then press play on the video, play until the end of what you're giffing, and press "stop" and pause it.

Then, in the frame extraction window, click the "open" button that’s to the far right of the "extract to" bar. This will open up the folder location of your new screencaps.

Step 2.5: organizing your screencaps What you'll want to do now is organize the screencaps into separate folders for each individual gif. This is something that's good to do whether it's all from one scene or you're doing a compilation of different clips. This is because, when you upload the screencaps into PS, it's best to have them in their own little folders!

(Tip: Personally I use 75 frames or less in each gif. This is because that’s the limit on the sharpening action I use, but I also think it's a good amount to stop at.)

Step 3: importing your screencaps into Photoshop

Next, we're finally going to move the screencaps you took into Photoshop. Yay!

Open file > scripts > load files into stacks. (Tip: Sometimes this function doesn't work on certain Photoshop downloads. If this is the case for you, here's a tutorial on how to get around that!) This brings up this window:

Click "browse" and find the folder with the screencaps you want for your gif. Select all of them and click "open". Then click "ok" and wait for them to load. Each screencap will load as its own layer in the layers panel, which is what you want to start with.

Step 4: changing the screencaps from layers into frames in the timeline

Once they're all loaded as layers, go to window > timeline. This brings up the timeline!

At this point, things should look something like this:

Now we can start using the timeline! In this method we convert the layers into frames that live inside the timeline, which we’ll use to make the gif move.

First click on the button in the middle of the timeline panel that says "create frame animation" right here:

Then click on the little three bars icon on the top right corner of the timeline. Click "make frames from layers" on the thing that pops up .

It depends, but you might need to reverse the frames (if it imports them in backwards). So just click on that three bars icon again and click "reverse frames".

Step 5: cropping the gif

It's really important to know the Tumblr dimensions! If you have a gif that doesn't fit the dimensions most Tumblr users view it at it can get distorted.

So the width dimensions you should use are:

A row of just one: 540px wide 

A row of two: 268px wide each 

A row of three: 177px & 178px & 177px

A super helpful explanation of good dimensions to use is this one made by karazorel. It's very close to the way I do it.

So to crop it, go to the crop tool (duh, sorry) and enter in the dimensions you want into the area I highlighted here:

Here's what the gif looks like so far:

You'll probably notice it moves really fast and stops moving after playing once. That's because we haven't gotten to the step to fix that yet. But that's next!

Step 6: timing, looping, etc.

Timing: Select all of the frames. You can do this by selecting the first frame, holding shift, and clicking on the last frame. Now click the little arrow next to where it says "0 secs." under any of the frame previews right here:

Click on "Other..." and type "0.14" into the text field. That represents the number of seconds, or usually the fraction of a second, that each frame will play for. (It's "0.14" in this case because of the way we entered the settings in KMPlayer in the "Frames to Extract" section. The number depends on what you enter there.) Press enter/okay.

Looping: Next change the looping setting from "once" to "forever". Here's where I'm talking about:

Step 7: sharpening the gif frames

This step can either be done at this point (before coloring it) or later (right after coloring it.) I go back and forth on which is better, and different people say different things. So just play around with it!

I use this sharpening action. It can sharpen up to 75 frames, which is a really good amount in my opinion.

Once you have a sharpening action downloaded, go back to Photoshop and go to window > actions. Click this little menu button, then click "Load Actions...".

In the window that pops up, choose whatever sharpening action you downloaded and open it. This will load it into your actions panel!

Next, click the menu button on the upper right corner of the timeline panel and click "Flatten Frames Into Layers". Now there will be a new set of layers that are labeled Frame 1, Frame 2, Frame 3, etc. Keep those, and then you can delete the OLD set of layers. (That can significantly lower the file size, and it doesn’t mess anything up if you do it right!)

Now select the very first frame in the timeline, labeled "1", and select the corresponding layer, labeled "Frame 1".

Then open the sharpening action's folder within the actions panel and select the folder labeled with the number of frames you have in your gif. For example, I have 18 frames in my gif, so I selected the folder labeled "18 frames". Or at least that's the way they labeled things in the action I'm using. You may have to explore yours to figure it out.

Then click the play button on the actions panel:

Now that should have sharpened all of your frames/layers! Woohoo! Here's what the gif should look like by now, all cropped, timed, looped, and sharpened:

If this way of sharpening doesn't work for you, here are some other gif sharpening tutorials:

How to use sharpening actions in Photoshop CC by peacelovegifs 

Gif sharpening tutorial by manofsteel.co.vu 

Sharpening for Photoshop CC by completeresources 

Sharpening all gif frames at once by thosetutorials 

Sharpening masterpost by itsphotoshop

Gif sharpening action tutorial + download by themazerunnrs

Step 7.5: grouping your layers (a baby step!) A bonus step that I recommend you do is to put all your layers into a group to keep things neat. Just select all of them and press CTRL G.

Step 8: adding a PSD and/or coloring it yourself!!

Here's the fun part! Now you can let out your creativeness with the coloring. It takes a LOT of practice to get good at this, trust me. I've been doing this for YEARS and I still hate my results sometimes. But if that happens to you, too, don't let that stop you from trying again! (God, I sound like a motivational speaker or something, sorry!)

Here’s some background on PSDs for beginners, but you can totally skip this bit...

"PSD" stands for "Photoshop document", meaning a file you make or edit in Photoshop (sorry, kind of self explanatory). On Tumblr, when people talk about PSDs, they're usually referring to a document with layers that add effects (mostly adjustment layers) to a gif/photo/graphic, etc. Also referred to as a "coloring". They usually include things like brightness/contrast, vibrance, curves, selective color, etc. People post these so you can download them and use them for your own work! (Just don't repost and claim as your own. Not cool, man.)

All you have to do is download the file, open it in Photoshop, make sure you have the layers panel open (windows > layers), and drag the PSD file's window on top of your file's window, but keep them separate so you see both at once. Then drag the PSD file's group of layers (but not the background!) over to your file.

(Then you can close the PSD window.) Then on YOUR file, mess around with the adjustment layers and stuff to change it to whatever you want it to look like. I usually edit mine like crazy!

Anyways, here are what your options are. 

Finding a PSD (and then I recommend editing it to however you like it)

Here are places to find some great PSDs on Tumblr! (FYI, some are tag pages with sections for PSDs, with different types to choose from. So look around.)

QuirkyResources (Navigation) (Yup, shameless self-promo!)

QuirkyResources (My PSDs)

CompleteResources

ItsPhotoshop

ChaoticResources

YeahPS

DrunkandColoring

AresColoring

That's just a few of my favorite sources, so message me if you want more recs! :)

Coloring it yourself

I'm not going to do a full-on coloring tutorial right now, but here is my tag for those made by other people!

Basically you should learn how to use the most important adjustment layers: curves, brightness/contrast, selective color, color balance, hue/saturation, vibrance, levels, exposure, and gradient maps. At least those are the ones that I use the most and find super useful. Many of the tutorials in that coloring tutorial tag I just linked go over how to use those. So check them out!

In this case, I used my current fave PSD by dracoharry. (I’ve noticed it works on most shows I gif, so it’s super useful! I actually used it for all of the gifs in the gifset I made for this post.)

Here are the layers I kept hidden/showing:

FYI, I changed the layers' settings and whatnot a bunch.

And here’s what my result was:

Step 9: adding text & learning font settings (optional)

This is usually when I add text to the gif, if relevant.

There are various fonts and settings you can use for this, but to make things easier, here's a font PSD by adorkablelena. It’s for subtitles/quotes. I recently started using it. It's really cute! If you're not into it though, here's my tag for other font PSDs you can check out.

When you find a font PSD you like, open it and drag it into your document the same way you would with a regular PSD.

Select the text tool and replace the text with your quote. (Tip: Try not to misquote or misspell things if you can help it! I've done it and it sucks when that happens. Ugh.)

As far as colors go... For the primary quote I make the text white, and the secondary quote I usually make it yellow (#ffde00). And if there is a third I'll use some shade of orange, and anything after that I just use whatever I can make look the best. The stroke color I use varies sometimes, but I usually use black (#000000).

Finally, select the move tool (V) and make sure "smart guides" are turned on. To check this, go to view > show > smart guides, and make sure it's checked. Now when you drag around the text (select its layer first), you can see little purple vertical/horizontal guides pop up when you drag the text to the center of either direction. For the subtitle we're making, we want it to be centered horizontally and close to the bottom of the gif, but not too close. Also, if you have more than one line of text, just press enter somewhere in the text that splits it into similar-sized lines. Here's an example of all of this stuff put together:

Step 10: saving for web

There are a lot of settings to remember and play around with when saving for web, and specifically for Tumblr. 

First, go to file > export > save for web (legacy).

Here you'll see a lot of settings to choose from, but they're not as intimidating as they may look!

Here are my usual settings:

Red highlight: There are multiple options in the top drop down list in the area I highlighted that are good to use. I usually use “Adaptive”, but “Perceptual” and “Selective” are good options too. In my experience, the rest make your gif look pretty gross. For the drop down list under that I choose "Pattern". This arranges the pixels in a pattern, and I like the look of that more than the two other viable options, ”Diffusion” and “Noise”.

Orange highlight: This is where you choose the number of color shades that are in the gif. I use the top amount allowed, 256, because this achieves the highest quality possible! If you need to make the gif's file size smaller, you can lower this amount, but I don't recommend it. If it's a B&W gif you can sometimes get away with using less and have it still look just as quality.

Yellow highlight: Looping options: Forever. Very important! Like I showed earlier, you can also set this setting before you get to the "save for web" option. Either way, this makes it so the gif loops forever.

Green highlight: Gif size! As I mentioned earlier, there is a limit for Tumblr. This example is a pretty small gif (592.9K) and the current file size limit on Tumblr is 3MB. Tumblr seems to change this limit a lot though, so you may want to look that up once in awhile to stay up to date.

Turquoise highlight: Always check the box next to “Convert to sRGB”. I just learned that this setting is important. It basically keeps the vibrance intact when you take it from Photoshop to Tumblr. Read a much better explanation here! :)

Then just click "Save...", choose the file location, and press "Save" again.

Step 11: uploading/posting to Tumblr

Now, last but not least, it's time to upload it to Tumblr! I probably don’t need to explain this, but I’m going to anyways. It's super-duper easy. Just go to your dashboard and click on this button:

Then the post creation window pops up, and just go on from there. Upload your images/gifs, drag them around to arrange them however you like, and add a caption if you want.

(Tip: Don't forget to add tags! It's super important to add tags if you want people to actually find your post. Only the first 5 tags show up in the main Tumblr tag-search results (ugh wtf, right?) but sometimes the other ones you add will show up on the general search page. I don't really get how to explain it or how it works tbh, sorry! But I do know that many fandoms have developed their own tagging-language to find people's posts more easily (and avoid spam) which is very useful once you figure it out. For example, if I was posting a gifset of Cheryl Blossom from Riverdale, I'd tag it with things like "riverdaleedit" and "cherylblossomedit" and maybe "madelainepetschedit". So basically the name of the show/character/actor/ship plus "edit", no spaces. Or an abbreviation of any of those, like "spnedit" or "dwinchesteredit". I hope that at least makes a little sense? As far as the amount of tags that will show up on individual blogs, I'm not positive, but I believe you can use up to 30. After that the post won't appear on the tag's page. Grrr.)

Then, of course, just post it! I recommend saving it as a draft and then posting it at a time when a lot of people are likely to be on Tumblr. (There's research done on this timing!)

THE END! :D

I really hope that was at least somewhat helpful. Sorry if it was annoying that I went into sooo much detail, I just thought I should explain everything so it would make sense to most people, especially total beginners. Again, if anyone has any questions at all, you can absolutely ask me here! Or let me know if you think I got anything wrong, I would definitely want to fix it! Thanks for reading, and please like/reblog ♥ I’d really appretiate it!

#photoshop tutorial #completeresources #itsphotoshop #chaoticresources #yeahps #tutorials #gif tutorials #gif making #how to make gifs #gif making tutorial #mine #mine: tutorials #peachresources #riverdale #riverdaleedit #coloring tutorial #sharpening tutorial #photoshop tips #ps tips #photoshop 101 #ps 101 #500

[fancyfade]

[image: above two screencaps are full body screencaps of Lycaea from SWTOR. Lycaea is a purple togruta with a round face and gold jewerly, wearing a dark purple tunic and black armor on her thights that match her prosthetic legs. end image]

its lycaea’s new outfit, now that she’s in chapter 3 (lycaea gets prosthetic legs after her first encounter with draagh)

Now i’m doing my screencap dump post a little different. im just gonna transcribe the long conversations in which the pictures don’t matter straight, rather than posting screencaps of them and then writing the image descriptions underneath. i feel it’ll be more accessible and easier to read. individual lines will still be screencapped tho

Convo one, on Belsavis in the base, when you’re trying to find your target

Colonel Trill: The order came directly from Darth Baras, and you don’t have clearance to know more.

Lycaea: I’m not leaving until you tell me everything.

Captain Oklart: Colonel, what are you doing? We’re in the presence of a Sith Lord. It’s our duty to aid in any way.

...

Captain Oklart: Me? My lord, I ... I figure the Sith run this Empire, so the rest of us are--well-- fodder. We all know that.

Colonel Trill: Captian, are you telling this Sith to go out and kill fellow soldiers? That’s treason.

Colonel Trill: I’m reporting you both to High Command. Darth Baras will know what has transpired here.

So basically blah blah you get these guys. There’s one who is like “we’re fodder” which is kind of depressing but probably also accurate for how it feels to be caught in the sith hierarchy games

anyway lycaea killed colonel trill, which she wound up regretting when it became clear she couldn’t prevent baras from learning about her without killing like way way more people, and while she was willing to kill one person to prevent baras from knowing she survived, she wasn’t willing to kill a ton

[image: Lieutenant Kaid says “damn these Sith games.” end image]

and another guy who hates being caught up in the Sith backstabbing contest, unsurprisingly

when you meet master timms (keeping one screencap, because it might have been hard to believe without it

Master Timmns: I know you’re there. I can feel your presence. What’s more, I know who you are. Many years past, I was the Padawan of Master Nomen Karr. He and I forged a bond through the Force.  I know about your confrontation with Master Karr, and what you did to him.

Lycaea: I should have killed htat miserable old man when I had the chance

Master Timmns: He’s never been the same, and he no longer communes with the Force.

[image: screencap of the dialogue showing ‘I should’ve killed that miserable old man when i had the chance’ and jaesa approving. end image]

okay first thing, it had been so long since i played chapter 1 on this file i totally forgot i spared karr :P i assumed lycaea had killed him

second jaesa approves of you saying you sould’ve killed Karr. I wasn’t expecting that, so it was interesting to see.

last:

Lycaea: Tell me where Darth Ekkage’s cell is, and we can part ways.

Timmns: Sorry. I can’t be sure you won’t attack me once you know.

Lycaea: How do I know you’ll make good on your promise?

Timmns: Because it’s practical, and I am nothing if not practical.

Lycaea liked Timmns being practical :p even tho she was acting annoyed she was like “fine, Jedi, you’re all right”

if he hadn’t decided to keep the information secret and had just shared immediately like he trusted her, she would’ve liked it, but she wouldn’t have liked him as much

well this was a slightly different screencap format but i hope it was okay

i still got all my commentary out

#screencap dump #well in spirit #swtor #sith warrior #lycaea archeliou #lycaea pic #master timmns #jaesa willsaam #belsavis #lieutenant kaid #colonel trill #captain oklart #swtor spoilers