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xhanisai · 4 years

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Bite off more than you can chew and you’ll choke.

(AO3) (FFN)

Summary - "But Lila cared more about the middle finger that Adrien shot at her when no one else was looking." To summarise, if you hurt the Ladybug, you can count on the Black Cat to absolutely annihilate you without mercy. A.K.A. A wonderful crackfic where Lila gets karma shoved up her ass by Adrien every time she tries to hurt Marinette.

A/N: I'm having an affair with dumb bitch juice. Shhh. Don't tell angst. ~(x)~ . . . "Heh, looking good~" The Italian teen winked to herself one last time at the mirror and then striked a pose that radiated pure confidence and clearly, a drop dead gorgeous Goddess that has ever descended this miserable planet. Luck was on her side today, lil ol' Rossi could feel it in her bones. 'Today is a wonderful day to knock down Dupain-Cheng a peg or two...' Lila hummed perversely, olive irises twinkling with mischief and sadism. She applied another coating of her favourite orange lip gloss and spritzed her body with some more pumpkin spice flavoured perfume (that was apparently a one of a kind DKNY product that the company themselves have gifted her, that's right Juleka). Digging out one of the hundreds of pictures she has of Adrien Agreste in her drawer, she planted a sloppy kiss on the face (lil hoe thinks she's being seductive smh smh), whispered something absolutely filthy and then made her way out of the house with a green apple in hand. As she walked, numerous plans and ideas were concocted up in her head whilst she happily chewed through the sour, bitter fruit that could compete with her own acidic heart. Certainly, her plans weren't going as smoothly as she'd like, given that not only has Marinette stood strong, Alya and Nino still stuck to the raven haired girl like glue and the model boy actually dared to threaten her to withdraw Mari's expulsion. Of all people, he threatened her! Who the hell did he think he is? He should be nothing but a spineless pretty face, a decoration to her growing fame. Ugh! Shaking her head and refocusing her thoughts, Lila took one last, harsh bite from the fruit and then tossed it away without a second glance, hitting an unsuspecting rat with wings- pigeon, an unsuspecting poor pigeon. Looks like M. Ramier will be akumatised later on if he ever sees the splat of feathers on the pavement. She didn't give a damn. Instead, a sinister, almost feral like smile stretched on the brunette's lips as she spotted her prey up ahead, sitting on the front steps that led to the collège. Quite a few passerbyers and students gave Marinette either a disappointed look or a disgusted grimace. Most pretty much ignored her, leaving the Asian bowing her head down in embarrassment, making herself look as small as possible. 'Like the useless mouse she is.' Lila barely held off the urge to giggle. After making Cheng look like such an evil cretin and even managing to get her expelled, her reputation has almost been tarnished! Marinette went from one of the most popular, prettiest, kindest girl in school to the most conniving, horrible, wench in a matter of a day. She would have been gone forever had it not been for Adrien's stupid- SPLASH!!!!! No way. No. Fucking. Way. Lila gaped like a dead fish, unable to comprehend what had just happened as her once dry, stylish clothes dripped with dirty puddle water and the stench of dirt clung to her hair and skin. The now filthy looking teen snapped out of her stupor and glowered at the offending car that DARED to zoom through the ginormous puddle only to gawk again when she registered the vehicle's familiarity. Lila wasn't able to do more than budge an inch as a certain model stepped out of the car in front of the collège and lifted Marinette to her feet with his hand. He gave the petite girl a warm smile that only sickened the Italian girl to the core even further and when he interlaced his hand with Marinette's, leading her inside the building, Lila couldn't stop the ferocious growl from escaping her throat. This was meant to be HER day today. A fresh splatter on her head from up above proved otherwise. Her hand shot to her head, face twisted in a witch like grimace as slick, gooey slime coated her fingers and hair. Lila mustered up as much venom as she possibly could in her eyes, tilting her head up, only to see the very same pigeon that got hit by the apple, glare back. Neither of the two noticed the wry smile that Adrien let out as he shielded a flustered Marinette inside the building... ~(x)~ Full classroom? Check. Mme. Bustier temporarily out of the room? Check. Dupain-Cheng opening her backpack whilst oblivious? Check. Lila wiggled in her seat like a cat waiting to pounce on the mouse (not like those in cute youtube videos), eyes narrowing at the back of Marinette's head, awaiting for the right moment to act. You see, earlier on, Lila planted one of Chloe's prized earrings (dumb barbie never learnt her lesson when it came to bringing family heirlooms to school) in Marinette's bag, planning on calling her out of stealing it to further crush her reputation into smithereens. Knowing Chloe and her illogical grudge against the girl, the consequences would be so much more worse for Marinette considering she's the mayor's daughter and all- . . . Wait... What? Lila blinked twice, thrice, then rubbed her eyes and blinked again. 'What in the world???' "O-ooooh! Who put this pretty flower in my bag?" Marinette twirled the lavender rose between her fingers in awe, admiring the beautiful plant with a cute blush on her cheeks. She gave the rose a sniff, cheeks glowing further as she hummed pleasantly. "It smells so nice!" Her smile was so disgustingly sweet, Lila could have sworn that the girl was radiating diabetes. Maybe she should pretend to faint and blame it on Marinette somehow? "Looks like you have a secret admirer, girl~ Did you know that lavender roses mean love at first sight?" Alya playfully poked Marinette's cheek, waggling her eyebrows whilst the rest of the girls in the class- sans Chloe, Sabrina and of course Lila herself, gathered around their class president's table. Their coos and questions were deaf on the seething Italian's ears as she was hyper focused on Adrien's face. The way his eyes lowered knowingly and his lips upturned into a secret but smug smile. The way his head tilted towards the side ever so slightly as he watched the French-Asian with so much...love. Lila was close to throwing up in her mouth. 'So that little Prince was the one who replaced Chloe's earrings with that stupid flower...huh...has he caught on...?' Just as that thought passed through Lila's head, the sound of Chloe bragging about her new earrings filled up the room with the addition of Sabrina's praises. The brunette cocked an eyebrow, dissatisfied of her plan failing in ruining Marinette's life further and getting Adrien wrapped around her pinky, where he belongs. With a string of Italian curses muttered, Lila opened her bag and- "CHE CAZZO È!?" Lila launched the provocative bag away with another scream and when it landed on Kim's desk, dozens of spiders pooled out like a tidal wave, causing the athletic Vietnamese to jump up ten feet in the air with a high pitched yowl and that in turn created a mass panic in the classroom. "Ah- đéođéođéo- KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME!" Kim let out another screech, forcing himself into a baffled Alix's arms as the spiders scattered whilst everyone else stood on their desks to avoid the wonderfully adorable critters. "LILA! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE THOSE MONSTERS IN YOUR BAG!?" Kim cried out as soon as a shocked Mme. Bustier returned to the classroom. The red headed woman gawked at the floor and then grimaced before sending a stern look towards Lila, hands on her hips. Everyone in the class froze at her stance. "Lila, we know that you've just returned from a campaign to save a species of highly venomous spiders from going extinct but that does not permit you in bringing them to school. You'll be on rubbish duty for the rest of this week and M. Damocles shall discuss with you later on for a more suitable punishment after that. Everyone else, please remain calm and carefully step out of the room." The olive eyed brunette didn't get a chance to defend herself as everyone comically sped outside at a speed that would make even Sonic The Hedgehog jealous. Nino and Ivan were held piggy back style by their respective girlfriends whilst it took Alix, Max, Nathanael and Juleka to tear a petrified Kim off the wall (In turn, Rose held him bridal style as if he didn't weigh more than a feather). When she saw Marinette shyly grasp Adrien's hand to lead him out, Lila saw red and looked away before she did something she would regret. In amidst her internal monologue, she missed Adrien's dangerous smirk as his eyes glinted devilishly. The boy tightened his grip on Marinette's hand, much to the girl's surprise and delight whilst his kwami snickered in his blazer's inner pocket. ~(x)~ "Whoa!" Marinette let out a yelp, numerous files slipping out of her hands as she flailed her arms to regain balance. Unfortunately, she ended up tipping backwards towards the edge of the stairs much to Lila's entertainment. If she couldn't break Marinette's godforsaken will and reputation completely, a few bones or so should satisfy her ruthless heart- "Marinette! Be careful!" With amazing speed, Adrien caught the girl from behind, interlocking his arms around her body in an iron grip without even wincing at the weight of her mass colliding with his chest. A few passerbyers, including Rossi herself observed the scene with incredulous expressions. The latter pissed at the stupid prince charming's bloody timing! She didn't know what annoyed her more. The fact that her plan failed for the umpteenth time or the useless anime like tropes that seemed to play when it came to blonde boy and noir girl. "Ack! Thanks Adrien..." Marinette expected a simple 'No problem Mari,' from the boy but was taken aback by his malicious glare that was directed at the tanned girl before them. She couldn't help the squeak that escaped her when his grip tightened as he lead them up the stairs, standing a mere feet away from Lila. His hold on Cheng wavered between protective and possessive. Marinette found it kinda hot. "You know, we have bins for a reason Rossi. Be sure to chuck your litter away or else someone could get hurt." His voice was gravelly and alarmingly low, indicating who would really get harmed in the situation. Lila hated the way her blood chilled to ice and the unpleasant shivers that shook her spine before mustering the energy to plaster an innocent smile instead of running away. "Oops. Silly me," She bent down to pick up the can she conveniently dropped earlier on, causing Marinette to trip in the first place. "My arthritis has been acting up all day-" "And I painted the Mona Lisa, yeah, whatever." Marinette and Lila, both only close enough to hear, widened their eyes at Adrien's passive aggressive tone. Without wasting another second, the boy tugged Marinette along, heading away from the scowling Italian. The sickening duo seemed to get closer and closer every second, causing Lila's blood to burn with rage. "He's definitely caught on...that boy is more slippery and sneaky than I thought...as expected of the son of Gabriel Agreste." Lila growled severely, crushing the can in her grip- SPEW! Oh. The can was never empty from the start. Steam figuratively shot out of her ears as the fizzy drink dripped down her hair, face and clothes, smearing her layers upon layers of caked makeup that took her hours to do this morning- after she went back home to shower and changed into fresh clothes when she was soaked by that dirty puddle, courtesy of Adrien's fucking car! 'GAME ON AGRESTE.' ~(x)~ Lila planted that wretched goose- pigeon, that wretched pigeon in Marinette's locker, anticipating a commotion or SOMETHING. However, when the unsuspecting girl, accompanied by her trio of friends, opened said locker, there was no pigeon. Instead, out popped out a ridiculously cute, handmade Chat Noir doll. According to Marinette's and Alya's babbles, it's a doll that the former has made ever since the pathetic heroes of Paris made their debut. "But how did it get here? I don't recall bringing it in with me today," Yes, Lila also wanted to know how the FUCK that cursed plush appeared out of thin air. It certainly wasn't there when she shoved the feathered pterodactyl in. "Maybe you brought it with you by accident?" Nino quipped. "Didn't you have that phase back in école where you'd always bring a teddy that you slept with for company?" "WEDONOTTALKABOUTTHAT." Marinette retorted back with gritted teeth, slamming her locker door for emphasis but the way she hugged the Chat Noir doll protectively afterwards did little to intimidate the bespeckled boy. In fact, much to Lila's disgust, the trio melted at Marinette's obviously fake cuteness. Unbelievable! Where did that pigeon go anyways!? Never peeling her eyes away from the nauseating quad, Lila snatched the door of her locker open, grinding her teeth- "COO!!!" ...only to be attacked by a flurry of feathers and a sharp beak. This time, whilst she, along with a 'helpful' Alya and Nino managed to rip the bedeviled thing off her face, Lila caught a shit-eating grin on Adrien's lips as he watched her suffer without a word. 'That little BASTARD! He did this to me!' Rolling his eyes as if Lila was nothing but a three year old throwing a tantrum, he threw an arm around Marinette's shoulder who looked more confused than anything. "What is Jacques doing here?" Lila almost scoffed at the Asian's question. That failure of a bird has a name? And familiarised with Marinette no less? No wonder he was currently a bitch and half in her ass! No one answered Mari's question regardless. Though surely, that sinister cat of a model held the answer. "I'm more curious of whether you sleep with that little Chat doll or not, Marinette~" He teased, much to Lila's dismay and Marinette's embarrassment. Alya and Nino momentarily forgot about the clearly traumatised Lila, simply to join in with the jesting. "N-N-NO! HAHA- what a silly question Adrien!" Marinette slapped the teen's shoulder with a bit more oomph than the usual friendly slaps, cheeks reddening and eyes flickering to the side. "She can't go to sleep without it~" Alya confessed on her best friend's behalf, glasses twinkling impishly at Mari's cry of "Traitor!". "One time when she was at mine for a sleepover, she forgot to bring Petit Noir along and stayed awake all night without his presence. She's so pure, isn't she?" Marinette was left as a blushy, squealing mess as the rest of her friends chuckled fondly. If it wasn't frowned upon in this country, Rossi would have gladly kicked them all out the window one by one till their sorry necks snapped but even she had some sort of control. "Adorable, absolutely adorable." This time, Lila did throw up in her mouth as Adrien swept Marinette up into a bone crushing hug with the most disgusting look of 'love' tattooed on his face. The hazel eyed brunette stormed out of the locker room with a growl, deaf to Alya's questioning shouts of her name. She was going to TEAR that boy apart from limb to limb! Adrien's grin only grew at her departure, daring the idiotic girl to try and pull another stunt again. ~(x)~ During a photoshoot that Lila was assigned to model at, every time she attempted to inappropriately run her hands down Adrien's torso or shoulders, she ended up getting bitten by god knows what. The more she tried, the harder the bites were and towards the end, the shoot was cancelled as her skin was covered in tiny little bite marks that resembled wasp stings or even a terrible allergic reaction. The horrid girl never noticed the tiny God of Destruction that lingered nearby his chosen who in turn delivered a little fistbump to his precious friend with a smile far too saccharine to be innocent. ~(x)~ Just before their French lesson began, Lila staged a scene by crying out in pain when shoving her hand in her bag and 'finding' multitudes of sewing needles in them. Surely the class would turn their heads towards Dupain-Cheng with animosity as she claimed that Marinette must have sabotaged her bag that day. Instead, much to her surprise, the majority of the class defended her with an alibi. "But M. Dupain and Mme. Cheng hid away all her sewing stuff for the rest of the month so that Marinette could concentrate for the upcoming exams!" Gee thanks Rose. "Marinette was at mine's yesterday night to study and sleepover so there's no way that she did that," Godammit Alya. "I'm pretty sure 'Nette's needles are silver in colour, not bronze." Shut up Lahiffe. "She would panic if she steps on an ant, how could she hurt a person?" Really Alix? Really? "Marinette and I were stuck in the closet all break so there's no way she's managed to sabotage your bag, Lila." Agreste- do you even know what you're implying here? To summarise, the case was neutralised with a theory that one of the textile upperclassmen students must have accidently put a container of needles in her bag, thinking it belonged to the department. But Lila cared more about the middle finger that Adrien shot at her when no one else was looking. ~(x)~ Lila tried tripping Marinette again but this time, she was caught by the Japanese fencer girl who 'politely' thwacked Lila's knees with her foil and told her to get out of her class. That ice queen never left Marinette's side for the rest of the day. When Marinette arrived to the morning classes with a disturbingly gorgeous, sheer white sundress in hand, babbling about how she was going to alter it after the exams to her friends, of course Lila gave into temptation by altering it herself. By altering, she meant smothering the skirt of the dress with non washable red paint. Marinette returned to the afternoon classes wearing the dress but with the red stains magically transformed into a flawless gradient and decorated with faux red rose petals on the edge of the skirt and the tip of the bust. The poor Italian was rewarded with the grand scene of Adrien claiming out loud how 'beautiful' his 'Princess' looked without shame and twirling her around in the air. Next, Lila somehow snuck a snake out from the zoo (getting bitten a million times and even throttled at one point by said creature) and secretly let it loose at the Dupain-Cheng bakery when she was only 'looking around'. The snake ended up getting its own tank and promoted the bakery, increasing the numbers of customers because surprise surprise, it's the year of the snake according to the Lunar calendar and everyone saw that slimy creature as a symbol of good luck! M. Césaire let the family keep the snake. Marinette named him Aspik much to Adrien's ambiguous delight but then changed it to Viperion when the boy accidentally tore apart her favourite ball of yarn. ("Little bug how could you do this to me!?") Lila even tried to start a rumour going where she apparently witnessed Marinette kissing a strange, delinquent after hours in creepy alleyways and got a little frisky with him. Adrien turned that around on her by asking why she was spying on him and Marinette, both wearing scarves that poorly concealed their ravaged necks. The rest of the day was spent with students gossiping about the new developments of 'Project Adrienette' and suddenly the despicable duo were dating. The rest of the students and teachers decided to switch to Lila as a target to send their scrutinising eyes at. It took Lila twenty-four hours of staring at a blank wall to digest the fact that she unintentionally nudged those two together in her pursuit of destroying them both. Twenty four hours of gaping with dead eyes and not moving a muscle whilst her phone buzzed with the latest gossip on Adrien and Marinette. An immediate news report on Ladybug grabbing Chat Noir into a heated kiss after an akuma battle that almost sent them running for their money, confirming their relationship broke Lila out of her daze and left her screaming inside her house. ~(x)~ The classroom door slammed open, revealing a dishevelled, crude looking Lila Rossi, heaving for air like she's just ran around the world in twelve days. Her hair was dirty, greasy and stuck in ways that defied physics. Her clothes were torn, stained and slick with unnamed substances. Her face was covered in stings, scratches and red marks that ruined her usually flawless make up. Clearly, a drop dead gorgeous Goddess that has ever descended this miserable planet. The students paused whatever they were doing, curious and slightly concerned at the state of the Italian's exterior. Lila let out an animalistic growl, pointing a finger at Adrien Agreste who paid no mind to her and carried on reading his book whilst Marinette Dupain-Cheng slumbered away peacefully in his lap. "I don't know how you did it or what dark magic you played on me or what voodoo dolls you have been using, but you'll never get away with humiliating me! Both of you!" Everyone's eyes widened at Lila's desperate and frustrated tone, now facing the boy bearing the brunt of her bite. Much to Rossi's screaming irritation, Adrien only flipped a page of his book with a hum like someone has just asked him whether he'd like some sugar with his tea. "STOP ACTING DUMB AGRESTE! I KNOW IT'S YOU WHO TRIED TO RUIN MY LIFE!" This time, she received eye contact from the boy. Instead of retaliating back, he put a finger on his lips and- ...shushed her. She was going to fucking KILL HIM. "My Marinette has pulled two all nighters in a row for the exam we just had this morning- which you missed by the way. So, she's sleeping right now. If you have some respect, keep it down." His tone was polite, sophisticated and angelic and his face was softened into the most sweetest smile. A front for the devilish cackle and demonic smirk that was threatening to burst out the seams of his fake exterior and Lila was able to sense it with ease. She didn't get a chance to yell back as Chloe suddenly interrupted. "And what has my Adrikins done to you? Other than get brainwashed by that ridiculous rat and start dating her of course," The blonde pursed her pastel lips, ignoring Adrien's comments on 'I'm not your Adrikins,' and 'Stop being mean to my sweet girlfriend,' and whatever nonsense he was spouting. "Oh wow...hahah...where do I start?" The hysteric girl began, blind to everyone else's distressed gaze at her behaviour. "The spiders? The pins? The ghost bites? That damn ugly bird that can't seem to find another place other than my head to SHIT ON!?" The object of her hate only raised a brow in confusion. "YOU'RE BEHIND IT ALL! I KNOW IT'S YOU!" "...Lila, were you bitten by those spiders that you were protecting during your campaign like a week ago? I think you need to see a doctor." Was the reply she got from Adrien before he went back to his book. "Also, this book mentions that being pooped on by a bird is a sign of good luck! Maybe you'll have a good fortune coming your way after you get better, Lila~" The baffled girl stared back grotesquely, jaw dropped and eye twitching, unable to comprehend the Adrien Agreste before her right now. She didn't even protest as Rose and Juleka hauled her flat ass out of the class, to the nurse's room, debating whether or not to call the ambulance for the mad girl. 'What...The...Actual...FUCK!?' ~(x)~ After the classroom door was closed, leaving behind a questioning class, a cat hero fighting the urge to burst out laughing and a bug heroine stirring awake. "Hmm...what happened Chaton?" Marinette hummed out, still half asleep and she nuzzled against the hand that cupped her cheek. Adrien replied with a genuine, soft smile full of love and a bit of his feline mischievousness. "I'll tell you later, Bug. Get some sleep, okay?" He pressed a chaste kiss on her lips, gaining a brilliant smile in return as Marinette settled back to sleep, relishing the way his fingers combed through her bobbleless hair. 'Mission accomplished, Plagg,' Adrien mused to himself, winking at his kwami who peered out of his bag whilst Tikki shook her head at her counterpart; albeit with more love than anger. The boy dived back into his book, tuning out the discussions that the rest of his friends were sharing regarding the impertinent wench that was just gotten rid of. Hopefully, they won't be seeing her for a very long time. Jacques the pigeon would be delighted in making sure of that. After all: If you hurt the Ladybug, you can count on the Black Cat to absolutely annihilate you without mercy... . . . ~(x)~

Dictionary

'đéo' - Vietnamese for 'fuck no!'

'che cazzo è' - Italian for 'What the fuck is this?'

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starlitskvaderart · 3 years

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So hey! This is a Write, not a Draw, but it IS something for a zine I worked on last year - the Stay Home With Sonic fanzine benefitting Doctors Without Borders!

Definitely check out the link - there’s a lot of great work by a lot of great people! My entry is below the cut here!

“Looks like they’re just about done,” Bunnie said as she crouched in front of the oven, peering at the orderly little pan of pastries within. Behind her she could hear a soft rustling as Antoine shifted; she moved aside to give him a clear look at the oven, smoothing the pink and white ‘Embrasse le Chef’ apron she was wearing as she stood.

“Good, good,” Antoine said warmly. “The first you have made on your own, yes? Have pride!”

“Had you to walk me through,” Bunnie said. “We’ll see how I did soon enough.” She twitched her ears as the oven beeped, and opened the door to a rush of warm, fragrant air. So far so good - nothing burned, at the very least. “Right now in fact.”

“Yes, Now - do not forget the mitt!”

Bunnie laughed at that, peeking over her shoulder at Antoine with a grin and then peeling off the glove meant to keep flour and other debris out of her robotic arm, using the metal hand to remove the pan sans mitt as Antoine sputtered out frantic admonishments.

“You were sayin’?” she asked as she settled the pan on the counter, winking as she wiggled unblemished metal fingers.

“Well,” Antoine said after a moment. “That is fine also, I am supposing. So - let us see your creations!”

The tea cakes were certainly pretty - delicately shell-shaped, lightly crisped at the edges - and Bunnie carefully leveraged one out of the pan and set it on a plate.

“Well,” she said, “sure does look like they do when you make ‘em.”

“Go on and try, then,” Antoine urged. “Remember! They are best warm.”

“Right.” Bunnie nodded, gingerly picking the teacake up and bringing it to her mouth, the fresh pastry flooding her nostrils with warmth and sweet buttery scent; encouraged, she took a large bite, chewed twice, and nearly choked, spluttering against the dense, nigh-unchewable teacake.

“Bunnie?” Antoine’s voice went slightly tinny as he called to her. “Mon choux, what is being the matter?”

Bunnie managed to swallow the teacake and took a gulp of water, shaking her head as she eyed the teacakes still left.

“Well… somethin’ sure ain’t right. These little cakes are tough as frozen rubber!” She sighed, looking wistfully at the teacake; it had turned out so dense and tough that not so much as a crumb had fallen from the bitten section. “Thought this was an easy one… this never happens when you make ‘em.”

“Soon, I will be making all the teacakes you wish for,” Antoine said soothingly. Bunnie turned, smiling at her tablet where Antoine was displayed in the Talktime video window, slightly fuzzy and slightly lagging but smiling at her from where he was quarantined across the city. It had been nearly three months since she’d seen her husband on anything but this slightly out-of-focus little screen; when the bioagent began to rage through the populace and the quarantine order had been issued, Antoine had been out on a mission with Sally while Bunnie and Sonic awaited their return, and consequently Antoine had been quarantined with the princess rather than permitted to come home. Since then, daily calls had become routine, and when Bunnie idly mentioned missing Antoine’s cooking he had leaped at the chance to teach her a few of their favored dishes.

It was a treasured point of contact, even from afar - enough that, even with the awful choking texture of the teacakes fresh in her mind Bunnie was eager to try again.

“All right, Sugar-Twan. Tell me what went wrong.”

“Hm. Perhaps this time, I shall create them as well,” Antoine said. He left the camera’s range a moment; Bunnie could hear clinking as he opened the refrigerator on his end and gathered ingredients, and a moment later the picture on the tablet shifted entirely as he positioned his to look over the counter and stove. “You melted the butter?”

“Uh… no,” she admitted. “It makes a difference?”

“With baking, it can,” he said, taking out a small pan as she watched. “Ordinarily, cooking is an art of improvisation. Which you are very much skilled in! But baking - this is the art of precision, everything in its time and place and exactly as it must be.”

“And that’s your department.” Bunnie nodded, taking out a pan of her own to mimic Antoine as he melted the butter.

“Indeed, it is so.” Antoine sighed; even in the grainy picture, Bunnie could see how his brow furrowed as he worked. “It is… a comfort. In times such as these, a thing as it should be….”

He trailed off, voice lilting up into a troubled note. Bunnie hummed under her breath, watching the butter melt and ooze across the pan.

“Well… we’re all feelin’ healthy over here, Sugar-Twan,” she said gently. “So that’s all workin’ as it should be, ain’t it?”

“This is so,” he said slowly. “And… it is as well as it can be over here also. But still… with every bit of news it only seems to fall more apart. And whenever I am not speaking to you, seeing you… I remember past troubles, and it seems much the same.”

Bunnie inhaled softly, eyes half-closed as she recalled General D’Coolette’s long illness. In the video feed Antoine was stirring his melting butter with a slow, mechanical motion, a miserable set to his mouth and brow, and Bunnie reached out to lightly touch the screen as she spoke.

“Oh, honey. That… that ain’t what’s gonna happen here - we’re bein’ safe as anyone could. You know that, doncha?”

“I… yes.” Antoine ran a hand over his face and smiled weakly. “I know. But still… it is….”

“I know.” Bunnie took the pan of melted butter from the heat. “So… we’ll talk whenever you need. Much as you need. Ain’t gonna be forever, Sugar-Twan, an’ you’ll come home before you know it.”

“Yes. So!”

He turned fully to the camera, giving her a wide (if brittle) smile. “While the butter cools a bit, we will now work with dry ingredients!”

“All right then.” Bunnie smiled, reaching for the flour. “Could it go wrong there too?”

“Hm, well - it is best to weigh ingredients, rather than scooping, for the very best precision. But! I cannot believe this, but the Princess: she has no kitchen scale! Are you able to believe it?”

“Can’t imagine it,” Bunnie said, stifling a giggle. “Don’t worrry, honey. I’ll use yours, and this’ll be the most precise batter this kitchen ever saw!”

Antoine laughed, nodding his approval; with the rhythm of baking taking hold the bravado he’d been attempting bloomed into genuine cheer as he called out measurements and steps in a singsong rhythm and playfully scolded her for overworking the batter (“we do not literally beat it, mon coeur”). By the time they were seated in front of their respective tablets with plates of fresh teacakes (hers shell-shaped, his round as to his immense disapproval Sally also lacked a proper scalloped pan) they were both in high spirits, and he lifted a mug in a toast (Sally did, it seemed, at least own proper coffee paraphernalia) that Bunnie eagerly echoed before taking a bite of pastry.

Perfect this time - light and airy, the teacake crumbled pleasantly as she bit down, and Bunnie closed her eyes in pleasure as she ate.

“You see?” Antoine smiled, chin resting in his hand as he watched her. “Precise, and thus as perfect as its maker.”

“Precise teacher helps too,” Bunnie said. She sighed, glancing at the clock in the corner of the tablet screen. “But… I should get goin’. Got some things to take care of, but… tonight?”

“Tonight,” Antoine agreed, “and this time, you shall be the teacher? Perhaps you will teach me to make… euh… critters?”

“Fritters.”

“Yes. Fritters.” He nodded, still smiling. “You will teach me the fritters?”

“You got it, Sugar-Twan. Tonight.”

She kissed her fingertips and pressed them to the camera; on his end, Antoine did the same.

“Tonight,” he echoed. And then, more softly: “Soon.”

“Soon,” Bunnie said, nodding.

The video ended, and Bunnie gazed at the blank screen a long moment.

Then she got to her feet, nibbling one of Antoine’s teacakes as she got to work cleaning up the kitchen.

Soon.

#stay home with sonic #archie sonic #sonic fan fiction #buntoine

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thelittlesttimelord · 3 years

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The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 49

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 49 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 49/? SUMMARY: Elise Smith is now a teenaged Timelord. In addition to losing the Ponds, the fields of Trenzalore are calling. But first they have to figure out exactly who Clara Oswald is.

[A/N - Prepare to have your hearts broken in this one.]

“A question only I could answer. A truth field to make sure I'm not lying. If I give my name, they'll know they've found the right place and that it's safe to come through,” the Doctor said.

“The Time Lords? Okay, so what then? If you answer the question and they come back, what happens?” Clara asked.

“Hell,” Elise answered.

The Doctor handed Clara a small round object. “Ah, you need to take this to the Tardis and put it in the charger slot for the sonic.”

“Why?”

“Elise is right. Hell. All hell, that's what happens if the Time Lords come back. There's half a universe up there already, waiting to open fire. Now please, go to the TARDIS and just do as I say.”

Clara ran out of the room.

“You’re sending her home, right?” Elise asked.

“This is between the Timelords and me,” he said.

Elise took her hand in his. “The Timelords and us.”

The Doctor offered her a small smile.

The moment was shattered by Tasha’s voice. “Doctor. Speak with me. Doctor! Face me now! Doctor!”

The Doctor put his jacket back on and they made their way to the bell chamber.

Tasha’s face hung in the sky.

“Mother Superious, there is only one thing I need from you. This planet, what's it called?” the Doctor asked.

“Trenzalore.”

Elise’s hearts stopped in her chest.

This was the end.

“If you speak your name, the Time Lords will return,” Tasha said.

“If they return, they will come in peace,” the Doctor told her.

“It doesn't matter. They will be met with a war that will never end. The Time War will begin anew. You know that, Doctor.”

“They're asking for my help!”

“And if you give it, war will be the consequence. I will not let that happen, at any cost. Speak your name and this world will burn.”

“No, this planet is protected.” He soniced the bell and it started ringing.

The citizens started to gather outside the tower.

Elise and the Doctor stepped out of the tower.

“So, you lot, a quick word, thank you. Spot of news. Christmas has a new sheriff. Hello, everyone. I'm the Doctor. And this my daughter Elise.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There were many attacks on the town, but the Doctor and his daughter defeated them every time. Elise herself was becoming quite a warrior in her own right.

But something else happened on Trenzalore.

She fell in love. He was human of course. With sandy brown hair and green eyes.

Joey.

Elise came home one day to find her father sitting in his chair, working on toys for the children. “Maybe you should just retire and make toys,” she teased him.

He rarely did anything else nowadays. He’d aged in the many years they’d been here, his old age finally catching up with him.

When she wasn’t fighting, Elise worked at the schoolhouse. Clara would have been proud of her.

Elise hung up her scarf. She didn’t really need it, being a Timelord, but it had been a gift from Joey’s mother.

Elise walked over to the Doctor. He hadn’t greeted her when she entered the tower. “Dad? Is something wrong?” she asked him.

He looked up at her, sadness in his green eyes. He held out a letter.

“What’s this?” she asked. She took it from him and realized it was in Joey’s handwriting. She ripped it open and started reading. He’d gone to the front lines without telling her. Elise collapsed to the ground.

“Did…is he…?”

Her father just nodded and Elise felt her hearts shatter in her chest. Her sadness quickly morphed into anger and she ripped the letter up, chucking it into the fire. She reached for her scarf, but she couldn’t bring herself to get rid of it. Instead, she stashed it deep in the chest where she kept her clothes.

She vowed she’d never love another man ever again. Elise pushed her lost love to the back of her mind and instead focused on the children. She loved the children and the children loved her and the Doctor.

They drew her and the Doctor pictures, which they hung up around their room in the tower.

It wasn’t as nice as her bedroom in the TARDIS, but it was home.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

One day, they heard the sound of the TARDIS engines.

“What is it? What's that noise?” Barnable, one of the children, asked.

“Well. Where have you been for three hundred years?” the Doctor yelled at the TARDIS.

Three hundred years? Was that how long they’d been here?

“What's that?”

“It's my ship.”

“Your what?”

“It's my TARDIS. That's how I got here in the first place.”

“Does this mean you're leaving?”

The TARDIS landed completely.

Clara was clutching onto the outside.

“What are you doing here?” the Doctor asked.

“I was in space.”

“Well, you were in the time vortex. She must have extended the force field. No wonder.” The Doctor pulled her off the TARDIS. “No wonder she's late, dragging you around.”

Clara turned to him with tears in her eyes. “You tricked me.”

“I saved you!”

“You didn't even say goodbye!”

“I'm furious with you!”

“Well, I am not even talking to you!”

They both started laughing and hugged.

They went inside the tower and Clara looked around. “Oh, Doctor. Fixing toys and fighting monsters.” She turned to Elise. “And what about you?”

“I teach,” Elise told her.

“The turkey isn't done yet,” the Doctor said, entering the room. He handed a few books to Elise. “TARDIS left these on the console.”

Elise smiled and ran her fingers down the spines. Her favorite books.

“Is it still asking the question?” Clara said, looking at the crack.

“Oh, never stops. Come upstairs. It's almost time.” The Doctor picked up Handles.

“What for?”

“Dawn. The light here lasts only a few minutes. You don't want to miss it.”

They went up to the bell chamber and the Doctor made a fire.

“Well, it's a standoff. They can't attack in case I unleash the Time Lords, and I can't run away, because they'll burn this planet to stop the Time Lords. Hey, after all these years, I've finally found somewhere that needs me to stick around. A town called Christmas. Could've been worse.” He adjusted Handles. “Right, there you go, buddy. Comfy?”

“Comfort is irrelevant,” Handles said.

He propped Handles up a bit more. “How's that, is that better?”

“Affirmative.”

“You just take it easy, buddy. He's getting old. I do my best for him, but I just can't get the parts, you know. Hey, I know the feeling.” The Doctor groaned as he tried to move.

“It’s fine. I’ll get it,” Elise told him. She reached over and handed him the bag of marshmallows.

“Where did you get those?” Clara asked.

“I have a supplier. The pink ones are best,” the Doctor told her.

“I have developed a fault,” Handles said.

“Hey, don't you worry, Handles. You're just dreaming. The sun's coming up very soon. You just hang on in there.”

“I have developed a fault. I…I have developed a fault.”

The Doctor picked Handles up. “Hey, Handles. Come on. Come on. One more dawn, you can do it. You've got it in you. Come on, just hang on in there.”

“Attention. Emergency. Attention.”

“Handles, what is it? What's wrong?”

“Urgent action required. You must patch the telephone device back through the console unit.” Handles’ lights faded out.

“Come back. Handles? Handles.” The Doctor sighed and Elise put a hand on his knee. “Thank you, Handles, and well done. Well done, mate.”

Handles was just one in a long line of people who had brought the Doctor comfort in these last few hundred years.

The sun rose between the mountains and the birds sung.

“What do you think of our new place?” the Doctor asked, “I come up here once a day for a few minutes, to remind myself of what it is I'm protecting.”

“It's beautiful. Why did you send me away?”

“Because if I hadn't, I'd have buried you a long time ago.”

“No, you wouldn't. I would never have let you get stuck here.”

“Everyone gets stuck somewhere eventually, Clara. Everything ends.”

“Except you.”

“Have you been paying attention? I'm an old man now.”

“But you don't die. You change. You pop right back up with a new face.”

“No, not for ever. I can change twelve times. Thirteen versions of me. Thirteen silly Doctors.”

“Okay, so you're number eleven, so...”

“Ha. Are we forgetting Captain Grumpy, eh? I didn't call myself the Doctor during the Time War, but it was still a regeneration.”

“Okay, so you're number twelve.”

“Well, number ten once regenerated and kept the same face. I had vanity issues at the time. Twelve regenerations, Clara. I can't ever do it again. This is where I end up. This face, this version of me. We saw this planet in the future, remember? All those graves, one of them mine.”

“What? No. No!” Elise cried. She’d lost so much and now she was going to lose him. How much longer could he hold on?

“Hey, Ellie. It’ll be alright. You’ve grown so much. You don’t need me anymore.”

“I’ll always need you.”

“We’ve had some good times, eh?”

The sun started to set.

“Change the future,” Clara told him.

“I can't.”

“You've got your TARDIS back.”

“Ha! You think I'm just going to fly away, abandon everyone?”

“Of course not. But you've been protecting this town for over three hundred years. Do you not think it's anybody else's go yet? Can’t Elise do it?”

“There is no one else to protect it. I’d never leave Elise to fight alone.”

“It's not going to be you forever. It'll end the same way, whatever you do.”

“Every life I save is a victory. Every single one.”

“What about your life? Just for once, after all this time, have you not earned the right to think about that?”

The Doctor looked at Clara.

“Sorry. Wrong thing to say. We shouldn't be having an argument.”

“Clara, I've been having that argument for the last three hundred years in my head.”

“But you didn't have your TARDIS.”

“Ah. Yes, well, that made it easier to stay. True.”

As the sun set, thunder rolled in.

“Doctor!” Tasha’s voice said.

“Ah. Look who's woken up.”

Tasha’s face appeared in the sky. “The Church of the Silence requests parlay. Your rights and safety are sanctified.”

“I'll be right up.”

“I'm sending a transporter.”

“Nah, don't bother. I've got me motor back.”

“It's gone dark,” Clara said.

“Yeah, well, the sun's gone down.”

“Already?”

“Everything ends, Clara. And sooner than you think.”

#eleventh doctor #eleventh doctor imagines #eleventh doctor fanfiction #doctor who #Doctor Who fanfiction #doctor who imagine #clara oswald #clara oswald imagine #the littlest timelord #the littlest timelord: the fall of the eleventh #time of the doctor

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solalunar-eclipse · 4 years

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Scars You Can’t See - Chapter 4

Chapter title: Infiltration

Word count: about 3100 words

Author’s Note: Aaaand this is where everyone finds out that I’ve watched the first three Mission: Impossible movies.

First | Previous | Next

Shadow had learned about emotions early on during his time on ARK. Maria explained them to him as they came up- happiness, sadness, anger, fear and all the rest.

But Shadow really felt that there was no good word to describe his feelings at the moment. Everything was just...strange.

He and his friends were still trying to keep a low profile, since G.U.N. would absolutely have put out a search warrant by now. The team was planning to commit a second heist, with even larger consequences for everyone involved than the first one. They were going to do this with absolutely no backup and no supplies, equipment, or up-to-date inside knowledge.

And he was watching Rouge eat multiple pancakes drenched in syrup as though everything was completely normal.

Omega wasn’t with them, having been told to wait in the car (again). He didn’t need to eat, though, so he wasn’t too irritated this time.

Shadow had barely touched his waffles, only able to poke at them quietly with his fork. Any time he considered eating even a small piece, he would remember the mission and lose his appetite immediately. He pushed a small piece around in the sticky mock-maple syrup, staring at the golden square.

“You need to eat something, hon,” Rouge told him around a mouthful of food. “Get your strength up for the mission- don’t want your body giving out on you.”

He groaned, eyeing the food with distaste. “I know, I know…”

“Shadow. Do I have to tell you again?” she asked, her voice becoming more stern- almost parental.

The hybrid ate a forkful reluctantly, forcing himself to swallow. He barely tasted it at all, the sticky sweetness only vaguely registering.

Every few seconds, Shadow’s hand drifted to his phone, dying to turn it on and see what texts were being sent. Was Silver searching for clues accidentally left by G.U.N. in the news? Could Knuckles be drafting battle plans he knew would never be used? Was Sonic cracking jokes to lighten the mood?

Or were they even thinking about this at all?

How he wished he knew…

“Hon. Stop it.” Rouge said, dragging him out of his reverie. “I know what you’re thinking, and I’m sure they’re fine and talking about all sorts of things, including us. I promise.”

“I just hope that we got our message across and they’re being careful. At least half the members of the other teams only have a single brain cell.” Shadow muttered.

The bat laughed. “I will bet you an all-you-can-eat meal that Tails has knocked out either Sonic or Knuckles at least once, and that Silver is pitching wild conspiracy theories to Blaze while Amy tries and fails to maintain her sanity.”

Shadow smirked, before cringing as the reality of what they were about to do crashed back onto him with all the force of a tidal wave. This mission could very well be their last.

Rouge must’ve seen his expression shift, because she took his hand and smiled at him gently. “It’s going to be fine. We’ll get the evidence, send it to a couple newspapers, get G.U.N. to finally do something about...well, everything, and then we’ll all be fine. You’ll never have to touch a gun again, we’ll never have to worry about people getting hurt, and then we can go to that movie night, alright?”

The hybrid smiled faintly, feeling his weakened resolve start to return. He was fully aware that his friends were the only reason he was maintaining his sanity at this point. He hated to burden them this way. That was why he was really looking forward to the end of this wild experience. Then they wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore.

Thankfully, before long, they were back in the car and on the way to the G.U.N. storage building, and Shadow was able to force himself to push such thoughts to the back of his mind. Now that they had begun, this kind of distraction could be downright deadly.

The team had to make a stopoff first, though. Specifically, at the uniform warehouse for G.U.N.’s main electrical repair company- the perfect excuse to get into the facility. Omega drove the sedan up to the security gate, but everyone knew to let Rouge do the talking.

“Hi there!” she said brightly. To anyone else, the bat would’ve appeared to be the picture of sincerity. Shadow knew better, though.

He had enough experience to see the calculating glint in her eyes and the steady size she held her smile at. Not meek, but not crazy either. Just outgoing enough for the guard to quickly wave them through after she offered up an apology: “So sorry, mister, we seem to have misplaced ours and we’ve got a big job coming up, you know?”

Shadow was incredibly thankful that nobody questioned the two of them as they walked through the warehouse, either. He snatched two uniforms in their sizes (hopefully) from the near-endless racks, trying to look busy while Rouge covered for both of them. Nobody ever even thought to wonder who that bat and that hedgehog were, or why they were there.

They walked out with no trouble, the two uniforms, and even a polite wave from the security guard.

The hybrid felt nothing but a small hint of relief as Omega drove their car out of the industrial area where the warehouse was. They headed down the winding dirt roads towards the G.U.N. facility, and he busied himself with struggling into his outfit. He worked his way into a navy blue jacket and loose matching pants, pulling down a company-issued baseball cap to complete the look.

Shadow glowered over at Rouge, noticing that she had completed the entire process both quickly and effortlessly, not even messing up her hair in the process.

“How in the name of chaos did you manage that?” he growled.

“What?” she asked innocently, smiling at him.

“Your hair.” he snapped.

“Oh, it’s all experience, Shadow! I’m used to quick costume changes- it comes with the job, you know.” Rouge replied pleasantly.

Shadow was certain that she enjoyed torturing him like this. He scoffed, irritated, and chose not to dignify that statement with a response. Instead, he stared at the rear view mirror and pushed his skewed quills this way and that until he was satisfied.

The team was there within the hour, parked a ways down the road. They didn’t get out, though- they just...stared at it for quite a while. The structure was situated in the middle of the fields with no other buildings for miles around. Perfect for a place people shouldn’t know existed. Shadow silently thanked the stars that Team Dark had needed a high level of clearance to do their job- and for Omega’s pride.

The facility was made of cold, dark steel, shaped like a perfect rectangle. It had no guard towers, no large, automated weapons systems, yet it still appeared incredibly large and imposing. The few guards visible were stationed at the gate and patrolling the perimeter.

It almost seemed like G.U.N. didn’t expect an attack.

The apprehension in the car was suffocating. Shadow got out first, forcing himself to move. If he didn’t, the hybrid doubted he’d be able to go through with the plan at all. “So where to now?” he asked, checking his appearance one last time in the reflection on the car door. It still didn’t look like his reflection. That was good.

“Through that big door.” Rouge said confidently, pointing it out. She’d gotten Shadow to slice two slits in her shirt, making sure her wings were available at a moment’s notice. “Then we let Omega in at the side- I’ll be the one to disable the camera.”

They walked cautiously towards the door, but there was no need for worry. The guards waved them right through. Shadow forced a small smile onto his face, despite the motion feeling incredibly fake. He had to sell it for this to work.

The moment the two got through the door, they rushed through a maintenance hall to the side door. Rouge took a deep breath and let it out quietly. “Game face, Shadow.”

He acknowledged her with a nod, pushing his thought processes fully into ‘mission mode’. He couldn’t remember exactly when he’d learned how to do this, but his suspicions were that having to steal a Chaos Emerald for a supervillain had played a pretty big role.

Rouge flew up to the camera and disconnected it from behind, with a practice that revealed her many years of experience as a thief. Omega was difficult to spot, but Shadow saw him hunched down in the long, golden grass. The robot looked both ways before blasting across the field to the opening.

Once he was inside, the three headed back towards the main corridor. “Let’s go.” Rouge whispered, her voice utterly serious.

Team Dark made their way through the halls slowly, ears (and auditory receptors) searching for any kind of noise. They made sure to avoid all the security cameras, too, moving slowly but staying out of sight.

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps made all three freeze. Low chatter reached their position, the words unintelligible but signifying danger all the same. The noise was getting closer.

And closer.

Shadow shoved Rouge and Omega roughly into a nearby supply closet and shut it silently- there wasn’t enough room for him too. He jumped up to the ceiling and clung to the ducts there, making sure to hide in one of the darkest parts. As the voices approached, he felt incredibly thankful for his strength.

The guards appeared at the end of the hallway, and he held his breath, not daring to move a muscle. They spoke loudly, utterly unaware of their secret audience.

“Ugh. I hate it when these lights short out,” one said as they walked through a dark patch of the hall.

“I know, right? This is like the third time this week.”

“...”

Shadow waited, bracing his feet further against one of the larger pipes….

“I like it better in the security room. These walking shifts suck.”

“Yeah, you can just chill and eat there. We’ve got that shift later, did ya know?”

“Oh, sweet. Then I can finally eat this sandwich. Got it off that new restaurant…”

“...”

Evidently, they were too wrapped up in their conversation to notice the hybrid’s presence in between the lights. Once the guards were long gone, all three sighed, relieved.

The next set of patrollers were much easier to avoid, thankfully. All they had to do was hide around a corner out of sight, and then it was a straight shot to the video storage rooms.

Each entered a separate room, making eye contact one last time before heading in. Shadow turned the cold handle cautiously, slipping around the corner of the doorframe and staying in the darkness. He allowed the lock to slide silently into place, looking around for security cameras. There were none...interesting. He supposed that G.U.N. didn’t want any record of what was stored here, either.

Shadow stalked amongst the shelves for a minute, but froze in place when the handle rattled and the lock clicked open. He stood utterly still, holding his breath again as the guard shone his light around the space. When they left, he remained still while they checked the other storage rooms, only letting himself move once they were gone.

The hybrid began to walk again, his face blank and cold. He scanned the shelves methodically, gaze flicking among the white plastic boxes stacked row by row. He couldn’t afford to waste a single second, so he moved quickly.

Perfect Chaos...the Master Emerald...Big the Cat?

There.

Shadow spotted the box labeled ‘ARK Files’....but it appeared that there were multiple of these. He pulled them out and onto the floor, searching for the right dates. There were tapes stretching all the way back to the construction of Space Colony ARK, in ‘39. After an agonizing minute, Shadow found the tapes from ‘51 in the third box, so he returned the other two and exited the room as silently as he came.

He tapped out the team’s special code on the wall: one, one-two, one-two-three. It was, of course, based on Omega’s series numbers.

Rouge and Omega left their rooms, and the bat smiled darkly at him once she saw the container in his arms. Good, she mouthed. Now out.

They were nearly caught as they hurried through the halls, since carrying a decent-sized box significantly limited Shadow’s maneuverability. When a pair of voices started up again, he was the one shoved in the same closet as last time, along with Omega. Rouge, too, chose to hide on the ceiling, but hooked her knees around a duct first; after all, she was a bat. Hanging on tightly to another pipe with her hands, she watched as the guards passed right underneath her with no trouble.

Nobody ever thought to look up for people hiding.

Team Dark finally made it back to the hall they’d started in, and the two ‘organics’, as Omega put it, removed their uniforms and left them in a pile on the floor. The E-series robot himself, meanwhile, added the box to his ever-growing stash of G.U.N. blackmail inside his compartment.

Shadow pushed open the door carefully and the three rushed outside. They pressed themselves against the building (or made a valiant attempt to do so in Omega’s case) to hide from any potential guards.

As they began to make their way across the tall fields of grass, Rouge’s ears flicked up. “Guards. Four o’clock. Get down.”

Shadow’s special agent training kicked in and he hit the dirt, turning his head to see Omega doing the same. One last rush of adrenaline flooded his system, his body shaking slightly with energy and almost numb at the exact same time.

He fought for control of himself despite this, refusing to give in to his exhaustion. Shadow wasn’t out of danger yet, and he couldn’t afford to let anything slide.

The guards passed by quickly, honestly, but it seemed like hours. The location of the team’s car was in the front of his mind, almost pinging as though he had a radar system inside his head. The hybrid practically felt each individual step of the two humans, even as he ached to get up and sprint away as fast as possible.

As soon as the guards were gone, all three blasted across the fields, jumped into their car, and reversed out of there at top speed.

They couldn’t return to the motel- of that everyone was certain. Shadow would have to be extremely careful about using his alias again, too, since G.U.N. would be onto them in a matter of minutes. The team was already preparing to find a new place to stay. But they had the files, and they had each other.

They were close now.

…

Back at G.U.N. headquarters, the commander returned from vacation to find about twenty different memos on his desk, as well as hundreds of emails demanding to know what was going on.

He sighed, looking at the mess. “What is going on?”

The words rogue agents and secrecy compromised caught his eye, making the commander sit up a little straighter in his seat. This kind of situation could be downright dangerous for the organization as a whole, depending on who the agents were and how big the breach was. He continued reading.

Agents Shadow, Rouge and Omega removed classified files from the premises and evaded capture later that day…

The commander swore under his breath, significantly more worried than before. Rogue agents were one thing, but rogue agents with superpowers and incredible resources on their side? That was another entirely. But why would they want to betray G.U.N.- he’d thought that they were committed to working on the right side of the law now!

Files stolen: Personal File on Maria Robotnik.

Oh.

He supposed that this made a little more sense. After all, the commander had acted rather rashly based on his memories of her as well. But what in the world could have set Shadow off so badly that he’d act against G.U.N.? Especially if he knew the commander’s past….

He called in a squad leader on the spot. When the middle-aged woman appeared at his desk, he looked her straight in the eyes. “I presume you’ve heard about the security breach.”

“Yes, sir.” she replied.

“I need you to send out two of our best recon agents. If Team Dark really has decided to betray us, then I need to know everything about why and what they’ll do next. Do everything you can to get some time with Sonic the Hedgehog and Miles Prower. They’re close with the team, and they might have some answers for us. Got it?”

“Understood, sir!” she said crisply, before turning to leave his office.

Once he was alone again, the commander heaved a sigh and stared at his computer screen, preparing to type out an email sending the entire organization into a Level 3 Alert. What in the name of Chaos was going on here?

…

If the commander had followed his subordinate, he might have begun to understand what was happening.

He was not an unjustly cruel man- for the most part. The Shadow issue had been an emotional time, and that was an anomaly. However, this violent tendency was not an anomaly in and of itself.

In the end, G.U.N. was a military organization. They did have a history of resorting to violence too quickly (Maria’s death was a glaring reminder of that for the commander). They had jurisdiction that was far wider than most would expect. And they were often called in first during uncertain situations, before any other government agency.

So when the squad leader returned to her team’s office, she told them about their mission: to get as much information as possible about Team Dark’s motivations, behaviors, and potential future movements….with full authorization, from her, to do so by any means necessary.

After all, this was a security breach, and a danger to the entire organization. It had been classified a Level 3 Alert, and was likely to go up at any moment.

They had authorization to do whatever they needed.

What could go wrong there?

#scars you can't see #sycs #shadow the hedgehog #rouge the bat #e 123 omega #here we go...#interesting fact: i actually misspelled rogue as rouge instead of the other way around once #i broke 3000 words again!! yay #in case you can't tell...gun has some ISSUES #sol’s fanfiction

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mobius-prime · 4 years

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161. Sonic the Hedgehog #93

Crime 'N Punishment

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils: FRY Colors: Frank Gagliardo

Sonic races back to Knothole after his fight with Ken, wracked with guilt both over the king's injuries from the previous day, and from losing the sword today. That said, he's still not ready to face the consequences of his actions, as he's completely outraged when he exits the Great Oak Slide straight into a net waiting to catch him.

That's one hell of a way to try to put someone under arrest, Geoffrey. Imagine if real life cops just slung a net over anyone they wanted to arrest. Sonic angrily insists he doesn't have to answer to Geoffrey, but then Elias shows up, saying he does have to answer to someone after all…

Within Robotropolis, Eggman welcomes the crowd of Overlanders into his city, though the little girl, Hope, finds herself feeling uneasy. As Eggman invites the members of his immediate family into the palace to offer them a "luxury suite," beneath the city streets, Kodos continues to celebrate his acquisition of the Sword of Acorns.

Might wanna be careful of what you say when you've got a sneaky ninja spider hanging around you, buddy boy. In Knothole, Sonic tries to insist to Elias that he wants to speak to Sally before anyone else, but Elias says that whatever he has to say to her can be said to him instead, since he's the acting ruler. Sonic thus imagines himself apologizing tenderly to Sally while holding her close, and, deciding that that is definitely not something he wants to do with Elias, races off, which angers Geoffrey, though Elias says to let him go for now. Sonic is caught up in his depressed thoughts as he runs, until Mina happily races toward him, shouting that she's glad he's not in jail. However, she finds herself unable to control her speed as she runs, and crashes straight into Sonic.

IS THIS A LOVE TRIANGLE I SMELL? Man, I'm sorry Mina, I love you, but I cannot stand love triangles. Y'all already know this. Apparently Mina was actually originally introduced to the comic with the intent to make her a romantic rival for Sonic's affections against Sally, and so for a little while, we're gonna be dealing with that, until Mina is able to get her own characterization apart from being a love interest. Anyway, at that moment Antoine and Bunnie show up, having just returned from their trip to Mercia with the High Sheriff in tow, bound in ropes, because damn, if high quality mechanical restraints designed by the most advanced race on the planet aren't enough to keep a violent and powerful Robian in check, surely some plain old cordage from Home Depot will do! They say they have to speak to the king at once concerning their new prisoner, but Nate arrives as well, explaining to them that the king is paralyzed and Elias is acting ruler for now. Sonic becomes guilt-ridden once again, and to his everlasting credit, Antoine immediately, without first finding out the story behind Sonic's mood, says that he doesn't believe any of this can be Sonic's fault. With the strong, almost hateful-at-times rivalry that these two were depicted having in the original SatAM cartoon, I absolutely love the respect and friendship between Sonic and Antoine in the comics. Antoine in particular is just a much more well-treated character by the writers, who give him proper character development and depth every chance they get, instead of just having him be the Cowardly Frenchman. (Don't get me wrong, Antoine in the show was hilarious, but he really gets the proper love he deserves in the comics.) Anyway, Sonic explains both the king's injuries and the loss of the sword to everyone present, and when Nate tries to reassure him that the king shouldn't have even gone into battle anyway, Sonic suddenly stands and races off, saying he's going to do what he should have done from the start. Meanwhile, back underneath Robotropolis…

You may have messed up big time, Kodos. Elias and Geoffrey approach the queen and Sally to inform them of what Sonic has done, and Sally is shocked to hear the news. She starts to ask what she should do to rectify the situation before catching herself and asking instead what Elias plans to do. Her mother tells her not to worry, and leads her away, while Geoffrey gets his chance to address Elias alone.

I've never agreed so much with such an asshole before. He's basically said exactly what I've been saying this entire time - Sally is the one who has the necessary leadership experience. She ran a whole freakin' rebellion on her own when she was a kid, for crying out loud. However, I draw the line at Geoffrey's plan to basically install himself as a shadow ruler from behind the scenes. Geoffrey is known to be far too harsh in situations which don't call for harshness, and though he has leadership experience of his own, leading the Rebel Underground during Robotnik's reign, he's far less qualified to handle the running of an entire kingdom than he is at leading a small squad of covert operatives.

Back in Robotropolis, Eggman welcomes Colin, Lady Agnes (the woman Sonic saved last issue), and Hope into his palace. Colin explains who the other two are, but it's a bit confusing so I'll give my own spin on things. Colin is Snively's father. We don’t yet know who the mother was, but she isn't in the picture as of now. While in space, he remarried to another woman which made Hope his step-daughter, but that wife died before they reached their home planet once more. Lady Agnes, Hope's grandmother, is his mother-in-law as a result of the marriage. And in all of this, remember that Eggman/Robotnik is Colin's brother, which would essentially make Hope his step-niece. Enough about their weird-ass family history, though - in Knothole, Sonic races back to Elias and admits his guilt in stealing the sword, presenting himself for arrest. Elias, however, instead of arresting him, strips him of his knighthood and tells him that from now on he's confined to Knothole as a minor, all while Geoffrey smirks in the background. Come on, Geoffrey, you were actually acting chill there for a while back when Sonic was actually knighted, why are you going back to your old asshole ways? Sigh…

Bagging the Big One

Writer/Pencils/Colors: Ken Penders

I think this is the first time we've ever had a story where all the work was done by one individual. Unfortunately, that individual happens to be Penders, who has decided to take the laziest approach to his work possible. Seriously - the backgrounds for the majority of the panels are photos of real world landscapes, onto which the comic characters are awkwardly superimposed, making them look incredibly out of place. It's all just… really, really bad. I went ahead and chose some choice panels that demonstrate just how bad it is so y'all can see for yourselves!

Anyway, remember Charmy the Bee? You might not, since he's been ignored by the comic for so long by now, but he still exists, I can assure you! You might also not remember that he's a freaking prince engaged to another bee called Saffron, because Ken Penders is insane. Charmy and Saffron are lounging in a photograph of a field talking about their future children (YES, REALLY) when a flash of light interrupts them and Green Knuckles approaches them. They're surprised at his color swap, and as Charmy introduces him to Saffron, we see the three of them through a set of crosshairs from afar. Yes, that's right, Nack and Nic have tracked Knuckles to this spot with the information the Albion council provided them. Nic wants to take Knuckles down immediately, but Nack admonishes her for not playing dirty enough, and leaves her to her sniper's perch as he approaches the trio. Knuckles, meanwhile, is explaining his new look, as well as the disappearance of the Floating Island.

This next part drives me nuts, because Nack concocts some story about his aircraft breaking down and needing help repairing it, and Knuckles does not suspect a thing, even though he first saw (and punched) him all the way back during the Sonic Triple Trouble special! Granted, it's not like he ever exchanged direct words with him, and I guess you could say it's been years and he's forgotten or something, but you'd think someone who's supposedly as smart as Knuckles would recognize the face of someone he punched off his island previously. Anyway, Knuckles tries to brush Nack off, saying he doesn't have time to help, and in response Nack makes the very smart decision to throw a knife into the grass at Knuckles' feet where he could easily grab it if he wants to. Knuckles does just that, but then listens as Nack informs him that his partner has Charmy and Saffron in her sights and that Knuckles will come with him if he wants his friends to live. Knuckles reluctantly does so, and as they walk over to Nic, Nack reveals that he knows that Knuckles is the Guardian. This shocks Knuckles, who wonders how he even knows about that in the first place, and then we come to perhaps one of my least favorite pages in the entire comic, for a variety of reasons.

First of all - stop with the photo backgrounds, Penders, they look horribly out of place and incredibly ugly. Second of all, the actual art is awkward-looking as hell - for one, Knuckles just looks like he's amiably offering up his wrists for the handcuffs instead of seeming shocked. Third of all, Gala-Na, instead of being reasonable about the whole thing, has again shown herself to be a horrible person. Again, if she just took the time to try to reason with Knuckles, talk to him, offer him advice and help him with his newfound powers, he would probably listen, because he's confused and scared and in want of guidance from people who know more about this stuff than he does! But no, instead she's decided to lock him into a Chaos Syphon against his will, acting like it's some difficult decision for her to make when she's not the one who has to deal with the consequences on her very life and being.

And finally, we come to Yanar. To the image of Yanar, whom Athair once considered so close as to be his own son, whom Knuckles trusted and helped to reach his final destination after generations of wandering without a purpose, who has acted as an ally and even a friend before this moment - Yanar, handing over payment to Nic and Nack the Weasels, in exchange for helping them capture Knuckles to drain him of his power for Gala-Na's own peace of mind. Handing over the payment and ignoring the shocked and betrayed Knuckles behind him, turning his back quite literally on the one person who helped him and all of his people find their home after so long. He's decided that he likes his new home so much that he'll even betray the one who helped him get there. This was the exact moment I realized I hated Yanar. Even more than Gala-Na, I hate him. At least Gala-Na has the excuse of not being attached to Knuckles personally. If you ask me, Knuckles doesn’t show nearly enough anger, hurt, and betrayal from this event. Way to follow in the footsteps of your adoptive father Athair, asshole. You know, the one who actually cares about his family even though so many of them have turned their backs on him? What a complete piece of garbage. Sorry, I know this isn't actually even commentary on the quality of the comic and it's just me personally being all salty at the actions of one character, but I feel really strongly about this one. Just… screw you, Yanar.

#nala reads archie sonic preboot #archie sonic #archie sonic preboot #sonic the hedgehog #sth 93 #writer: karl bollers #writer: ken penders #pencils: james fry #pencils: ken penders #colors: frank gagliardo #colors: ken penders

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loopy777 · 4 years

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Antiyonder here on a different computer and not logged on at the moment. Any as I mentioned before the forums closed down, MLP FiM is continuing in comic forum as come April, the regular tie in comic will become the tenth season. It will follow the last present day segments of the series. Also from May to August, MLP is officially crossing paths with Transformers also in comic format.

My first thought, when I saw the news about the crossover, was to wonder why it’s happening now. Both MLP:FiM and IDW’s Transformers comics are past their prime, with the FiM cartoon ending (and let’s face it, this ‘the comics are doing Season 10′ thing is just marketing hype) and the Transformers comics getting rebooted into a boring new continuity after the glorious finale of the previous continuity. I was mainly interested in the concept of a crossover between these two if James Roberts would get to write it, with his take on the Transformers war having sprung up as a consequence of the ‘Functionalist’ policies of the pre-war government. Functionism says that if you’re a robot who transforms into a microscope, you have to become a scientist, and if you’re a robot who transformers into a drill, you have to become a miner. Of course, in My Little Pony, the picture on the pony’s butt says what their talent or job for life will be, so I figured it would be cool to see Roberts’s Megatron react to that.

It doesn’t help that the crossover’s art team seems to all be from the MLP comics, so the Transformers are probably all going to be drawn poorly.

But then I saw that one of the writers is going to be Ian Flynn.

For those who don’t know, Ian Flynn has been the writer for the Sonic the Hedgehog comic books for something like 15 years, and he wrote the Mega Man comics for the same publisher. This led to the two properties getting a crossover. And, I have to say, I’ve never cared about a Sonic comic in my whole life.

But that crossover might be one of the greatest comics I have ever read in my whole life.

I mean, yeah, it’s no Watchmen or The Dark Knight Returns or Sandman or anything like that. No one’s going to teach in Lit classes. It’s just a really solid, funny, exciting, clever, cute, balls-to-the-wall ambitious in a way that makes for the perfect crossover. Everything anyone can ever want from Mega Man and Sonic the Hedgehog meeting is in that comic, executed perfectly. Even if you don’t care about those characters, it’s a colorful adventure with plenty of charm.

So I’m looking forward to seeing what Ian Flynn has up his sleeve. If anyone can come up with some way to make the idea of the Transformers meeting the My Little Ponies into something worthwhile, it’s him.

I just hope the fact that he has two other writers to work with isn’t going to hurt things. I want to see the kind of ambition that went into Tom Scioli’s GIJoes vs Transformers crossover. Go wild!

#Anonymous

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rainydawgradioblog · 4 years

Text

Rainy Dawg Radio’s Best of the 2010s!

ALBUMS

Palberta - Bye Bye Berta

Palberta is a band that somehow manages to scratch almost every musical itch I have. Nowhere else have I heard a band successfully hold three part harmonies over squeaky atonal guitar riffs and abstract drum thrashing. Although I wouldn’t categorize them as twee, noise rock, post-punk, indie pop, no-wave, or any other genre name for that matter, they distill everything I love from all these types of music and mush it into something beautifully stinky. In my eyes, their 2017 album Bye Bye Berta stands as the definitive statement of what Palberta’s all about. With 20 tracks clocking in at under half an hour, the album wastes no time on filler. Skronky punk riffs burst apart at the seams and a sweet little lo-fi love song comes out of the wreckage, only to be replaced by an abstract tape sample collage. The band also has an incomparable mastery over lyricism, as evidenced by such classics as Finish My Bread (Finish my finish my finish my bread, finish my finish my finish my bread, etc…) and Trick Ya (HEY! Don’t trick me, I’m gonna trick you! HEY! Don’t trick me, I’m gonna trick you!). Highlights include the endearingly ramshackle and stupid pretty “Honey, Baby” and their cover of “Stayin’ Alive” (Jenny’s eating burgers and everybody’s shakin’ and stayin’ alive!)

- Elliott Hansen

Alex G - DSU

Shit if you know me you know I live for that sad bastard indie music. That’s exactly what DSU does best. Probably my most played record of the 2010s, this album’s lo-fi indie rock overfloweth. The opener, After Ur Gone, is on the noisier side of the album’s spectrum along with the squealing guitar of Axesteel and Icehead (peep the scream vocals in his live performances), while songs like the instrumental Skipper exemplify why Frank Ocean tapped Alex for the Self Control riff on Blonde. The emotional core of the record, Sorry, gets right back to the Elliott Smith comparisons that we know and love: lyrics of trauma, drugs and apologies included. My favorite song is Harvey; it smacks me right in the younger brother emo spot, with “run my hands through his short black hair I say / ‘I love you Harvey I don’t care’”. While not as chaotic as House of Sugar, twangy as Rocket, or psychedelic as Beach Music, this record is Alex G comfort music at its finest.

- Max Bryla

Flying Lotus - Cosmogramma

Picture this: J Dilla, Madlib, and Aphex Twin all come together to create an album with little more than some old Coltrane records and an original Xbox at their disposal. The end result is like a trip through the universe. Yet the album comes from the mind of a single individual, who sits in the cockpit with a mischievous grin on his face: Steven Ellison, known professionally as Flying Lotus. The opening track, ‘Clock Catcher’, feels like Ellison slamming his foot onto the ignition so hard that it snaps out of place, shooting into the heavens at the speed of light before the listener can even strap in. Whirling through the stars, the rest of the album is the journey home from the expanse, often melancholic, often wondrous, always changing. From the punchy, off-kilter rhythms of tracks like ‘Nose Art’ and ‘Computer Face//Pure Being’ to the fat synth melodies of ‘Dance of the Pseudo Nymph’, ‘Recoiled’, and ‘Do The Astral Plane’, Flylo is always striking the listener from a different sonic vantage point. You can tell he’s having the time of his life with each of these songs, wanting to share every bit of it with our eardrums. After countless listens, I’m still finding new things about this album to appreciate. A complete masterpiece of cosmic epiphany fuel.

- Trey Marez

Ott. - Fairchildren

People throw so much music at me. And I remember this album was recommended to me back in high school, and I listened to it for the first time in zero-th period -- I think it was someone who went by the name “phryk” on IRC. And dang, it’s still such a good album! In what sense? It’s so well-mixed; that’s the first part. Secondly, it is just a wonderful listening experience from start to finish. If you need a good album of reggae, dub, electronic, here it is. One thing you shouldn’t do with this album: use it to test out speakers at Goodwill. The bass of this album was so good that I bought home a pair of speakers that turned out to be so bad.

- Koi Nil

Car Seat Headrest - Twin Fantasy

Bandcamp has been known for hosting some of our wildest dreams this decade, and when 2011 lobbed William Toledo’s first rendition of Twin Fantasy down my ears my life changed. Emotions are crushed to death in the back of parking lots, the lo-est of fi’s, and lyrics that trigger far and melancholy memories of the early 2010 zeitgeist swarmed with insecurity and Skype calls. The album is Toledo’s first cohesive piece, finally creating work with developed central themes, dedicating the first concept album of his life to falling in and consequently out of love. The album speaks as a mirror to itself, reflecting Will’s own joy and confusion towards falling conservatively and completely in love, until the sobering downward spiral back into isolation. I was only eleven when I let the album own me completely, and am only nineteen as I hold onto it for dear life. Twin Fantasy was never a perfect album, and Toledo recognized this as he re-released Twin Fantasy (Face to Face) in 2018, reinventing the album’s sound with a much higher fidelity, lyrical updates, and redone instrumentals that turn the original into an overture or prologue to be enjoyed separately for more context. Searing solos, cute doo-wop moments, sentimental lyrics, slap-happy drums, fish wearing business suits, dogs, coming out over Skype, smoking, not smoking, nice shoulders, waitresses, the Bible, the ghost of Mary Shelley’s frankenstein, cursive, they might be giant’s rip offs, not knowing SHIT about girls, stealing alcohol from our grandparents and grandparents, bruised shins, cults, fish, getting the spins, and being really really really sensitive to the sunlight. I’d fight for this album, listening to “Cute Thing” as I get RKO’d. Take the time to enjoy the ride, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. (It technically used to be a gay furry album, but now it’s techincally a straight trans furry album.)

- Cooper Houston

Sabaton - The Last Stand

Sabaton is every history teachers dream band. These Swedish power metallers educate the listener about the history of war by discussing various battles, conflicts, and figures. They do this through anthemic choruses, riffs that make your fist pump, and oddly enough synths that work surprisingly well. Since history interests me and I really like metal, Sabaton was pretty much made for me. This album will always have a soft spot in my heart and evoke fond memories as it was one of the first CDs I picked up after getting my license back in 2016. As I gained more independence and freedom as I approached adulthood, this was my soundtrack. This album lived in my CD player during this time as I listened to it over and over again, never once losing its replayability. Ranging from the American battalion that got lost in the Argonne Forest during WWI to Allied and Axis forces joining together to fight at the end of WWII, this album tells of various historical last stands. While this is certainly isn’t the best metal release of the decade, it’s still an extremely solid album. In this case, the sentimentality plays a larger role than anything. While it may not be found on any “Best Album of the Decade” lists, Sabaton’s The Last Stand will always hold a place in my heart and in my car’s CD player.

- Jack Irwin

CONCERTS

07/20/19: What the Heck? Fest @ Croatian Club, Anacortes, WA

Choosing a single favorite concert from the entire past decade seemed insurmountable until I decided to define it by the overall experience rather than exclusively the music. This past summer, I was lucky enough to be one out of barely over a hundred people at the first What the Heck? Fest in 8 years. The festival took place annually from 2001 to 2011, featuring PNW indie legends, K records icons, and all manner of dorky indie folk kids. WTH laid dormant until this past spring, when Phil Elverum (Mount Eerie) announced its return along with the revival of his long-dead initial moniker, the Microphones. I made the trip up from Seattle alone by train and bus, spent a little while wandering Anacortes (the Business was closed :( ) and made my way to the repurposed church which houses the Unknown and the Croatian Club. I ended up seated a few feet from Calvin Johnson in one direction and Kimya Dawson in another. I felt a little out of place at times, like a stranger in the middle of a 90s indie family reunion, but the atmosphere remained consistently welcoming. D+ opened the show, fronted by Bret Lunsford (formerly of Beat Happening), the founder and main organizer of WTH, and backed by Phil Elverum and Karl Blau, who played their own sets later in the night. K Records mainstays Lois and Mecca Normal were on next, delivering stripped down, socially-driven whisper punk/indie pop. Karl Blau led an outdoor sing-along and covered a Pounding Serfs song, who played the next set (their first in [a lot of?] years) for a total of two renditions of “Slightly Salted,” a song I could have listened to in every set that night. Phil hopped back onstage again alongside Lee Baggett to back Kyle Field from Little Wings, an indie-folk favorite of mine, with rambly half-nonsensical lyrics and plenty of soft strummed warm twangly guitars. Black Belt Eagle Scout delivered (comparatively) heavier sounds, coupling slow, soft sung melodies with fuzzed out shoegaze tones, building tension until the Microphones (Phil backed by Kyle, Karl, Lee and keyboardist Nicholas Krgovich) came out for the final set of the night. They opened with what I interpret as a 25-minute rendition of the then-unreleased Belief, which was later shortened to 7 and a half minutes as the opener to the new Mount Eerie record, Lost Wisdom pt. 2. Phil then played a handful of old Microphones tracks alone, including a version of The Glow pt. 2’s title track with reworked lyrics, as well as its closer, My Warm Blood, excerpts from the final Microphones album (confusingly titled Mount Eerie), and what I believe to be another unreleased song. I left with the most limited merch I’ve ever managed to snag: one of two Ziploc bags of lettuce with “the Microphones” and a small K records logo sharpied on the front. I felt bad eating my merch, but it sustained me through the cold Anacortes night as I wandered to and from poorly lit parks, killing time until my 4AM bus back to Seattle.

- Elliott Hansen

03/09/19: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (Solo) @ Vermillion Gallery, Seattle WA

Was really not sure what to expect from this one going in, but CYHSY’s s/t from 2005 has always been one of my favorite records. I hadn’t ever been to Vermillion in Capitol Hill, but it was hosting CYHSY on a “living room tour”, where Alec Ournsworth (vox, guitar, harmonica[!]) hit tiny spaces around the country. Vermillion sat 40 at most, and I got to check out some cool local art in the space as well. Alec’s trademark voice that (according to p4k) sounds “as if someone were pressing his vocal cords to a fret board and bending them” which is pretty damn accurate. Amongst CYHSY’s greatest hits (In This Home On Ice and Cool Goddess in particular), he also covered Pixies and Tom Waits through lively and exciting banter. Great dude, great music, great venue. My favorite of the 2010’s for sure.

- Max Bryla

11/14/18: Milo @ Vera Project, Seattle, WA

Milo, and the ruby yacht house band are poetic alchemists that constantly dish out hefty servings of succulent syllables with each new release. Kenny Segal who does the beats for a few of Milo’s songs (and other hip hop artists) opened by transporting the crowd into the ethereal realm with a few classics from his album: happy little trees. Once Kenny Segal finished, Milo accompanied by the ruby yacht house band jumped on stage. I was close enough that I could make out Milo’s squirtle tattoo on his bicep and waited for his vivid and veracious vocabulary to leave me in a state of decapitation. Crispy, potato chip like static (a Milo-live signature) was consumed ferociously by the crowd as he hit us with one banger after another. About halfway through the set Milo dropped the mic and went off stage into the back room. The ruby yacht house band was left Milo-less; their beat lingering in the air, festering with each hit of the snare. Milo returned a while later, wielding a pair of tap dancing shoes in one hand and a ukulele in the other. He put on the tap dancing shoes on stage, everyone in the audience screaming with his return. Donned with the tap dancing shoes and positioning his ukulele on his chest; he began to dance. Holy shit he was good too. Strumming the uke and tap dancing away I was utterly mesmerized. My eyes glued to his performance. Suddenly, as if stricken by some divine intervention, Milo seized the ukulele by the neck and smashed it against the ground, splintering into a thousand pieces. After his destructive fit, he picked the microphone back up and whispered into it emotionlessly: “Think about that”. I did. The whole experience was transcendental and instantly triumphed as my greatest concert of the decade. You KNOW I snagged a sliver of uke on my way out.

- Rocky Schaefer

08/07/17: Metallica @ CenturyLink Field, Seattle, WA

While Metallica has had its ups and downs throughout their career, they do one thing well, and that is putting on a damn good live show. Metallica built the best line-up I have ever seen, given the popularity of the bands they chose. With them they took Avenged Sevenfold, who I greatly dislike but are still a huge band, and Gojira, one of the best modern death metal bands on the scene. The sheer size of this concert was absolutely and extremely inspiring as Metallica was able to fill up CenturyLink Field, a venue usually reserved for pop artists who draw in thousands of attendees. The amount of people that attended signaled to me that metal is far from dead. While this tour was in support of their newest album Hardwired to Self Destruct, Metallica made sure to incorporate classics into their setlist including “Seek and Destroy,” “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” and “Battery.” James, Robert, Kirk, and Lars delivered a killer concert will tight playing and outstanding individual performances. Being able to see my music hero, James Hetfield, play live was truly a special experience. The one thing that stood out during the performance were the visuals. Each song had a unique and individual video effect on the large screens behind the band which made each song special and memorable it its own way. While I wasn’t close to the stage by any means, the crowd interaction created a unique experience that made me feel much closer than I really was. This concert wasn’t just a concert, but also a life-changing experience. Seeing the band that truly got me into metal, the thing that I rest my individuality on, is something that defined the decade for me and will live with me forever.

- Jack Irwin

SONGS

“You Are Here” - Yo La Tengo

This one I don't think I can fully explain. By miles, this is my most played song of all time. It is the opener of Yo La Tengo’s 15th album, There’s A Riot Going On. The album, and song, starts with the meditative synth line that builds into a pulsing rhythm over the course of the first minute. The rhythm maintains through the rest of the song, as casual guitar strumming is added and another synth that doesn’t sound all that dissimilar to Jonny Greenwood’s Ondes Martenot. My favorite part of the song, though, are the drum fills of the latter half: they crash and roll like the ocean. With or without the title of the song, the audio conveys a degree of presentness and contentedness that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere quite yet. I’d recommend it.

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imjustthemechanic · 5 years

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Glockenspiel

Part 1/? - Transmission Part 2/? - The Sandhill Hotel Part 3/? - Piccadilly Part 4/? - The Future Part 5/? - Too Late Part 6/? - The Mystery of the Missing Time Machine Part 7/? - Underway Part 8/? - The Sierra Bunker Part 9/? - Cross-Country Part 10/? - The Pit Part 11/? - Calls for Help Part 12/? - Campout and Reunion

For a moment Kevin clearly didn’t know what to do. His eyes went from his car to Peggy and Howard to a restaurant next door to the Roxxon station. Then he took a deep breath.

“Okay,” he said. “Get in the car.” He stuffed his phone in his pocket and tucked his receipt from the repair shop under his chin so he would have his hands free to put the key in the lock. “But on the way,” he added as he climbed in, “you have to tell me what’s going on, so I can kick you out if I think it’s stupid.”

“You’ve got a deal,” Howard promised him.

They crammed themselves back into Kevin’s blue Gremlin, and he drove them out of town, back up into the National forest and back into the rain. On the way, Peggy began telling an abbreviated version of the story of how she and Howard had come to be here. Toulouse had accepted the time travel part without questioning it, but Peggy’s gut told her that Kevin was likely to be less credulous. Toulouse had also said that HYDRA had been in the news in the last couple of years, so Peggy started there.

“We’re being followed by people from HYDRA,” she said.

“HYDRA?” asked Kevin. “Like, the Neo-Nazi group that infiltrated the government?”

“Yes, them.”

“Geeze.” Kevin shook his head. “I looked up their hitlist when it went online. One of my professors was on it. She said it means she must be doing something right, but… yeah.”

“They’re searching for a lost super-weapon called die Glocke,” Peggy went on, “and for some reason they think we know where it is. We went to investigate a site in the Sierra Nevada mountains, outside Los Angeles, but they ambushed us there and took us up to near where you found us so they could throw our bodies in a deep pit.”

Kevin glanced over his shoulder. “You mean that great big hole in the woods that looks like something in space just shone a big laser down?”

“You’ve been there?” Peggy asked.

“Twice,” said Kevin. “The first time I just got lost and kind of blundered across it. They hadn’t put up the fence yet at the time, it was just this clearing in the woods with a giant hole in the middle of it. It scared the shit out of me so I left, but I told Leah – I mentioned Leah, she’s a park ranger – I told Leah about it a few days later. She basically said pics or it didn’t happen, so I went looking for it again. It took me a couple of weeks to find it again, and by the time I did there were people there building a fence around it. I didn’t want to get too close in case this was some sort of national security thing. I didn’t want to get arrested. What’s it for?” he asked.

“We’d be happy to explain, but we don’t know, either,” Peggy said.

He was disappointed, but not surprised. “I wondered if it was something to do with the volcano.”

“We thought that, too,” Howard put in.

“I mean, it’s pretty much the biggest in the world and it’s supposed to be overdue to erupt,” Kevin went on, half to himself. “I thought maybe somebody was trying to drill into it, to let off steam and maybe keep it from blowing.”

That was not an illogical conclusion, but Peggy’s mind immediately went to the opposite extreme. If it were possible to prevent a volcanic eruption, perhaps it was also possible to cause one. Would HYDRA do that? Natural disasters could strain a country’s resources, leaving fewer people to fight back during an invasion.

Howard’s mind went somewhere else. “The biggest volcano in the world is in Yellowstone?”

“You didn’t know that?” Kevin’s eyes lit up. “Oh, man. Yeah, the entire park is basically one giant volcanic caldera, thirty miles across. It last erupted about six hundred and fifty thousand years ago, and the pressure’s been building ever since! When it goes, if humans are still around then, it’ll pretty much take out the entire western half of the country!”

“You’re joking,” said Peggy. “Or at least exaggerating.” He had to be.

“No, no, I do this for a living, remember?” Kevin asked cheerfully. “I work right on top of the biggest time bomb on the planet, and study the pond scum that lives in it!”

Peggy had been considering the eruption of a small volcano. This sounded like an apocalypse… the sort of thing nobody would survive except perhaps for people hiding in a bunker under a hotel a thousand miles away. She looked at Howard, and could tell by the expression on his face that he was thinking the same thing.

“You said die Glocke might be a sonic weapon,” said Peggy.

“Right,” said Howard. “Shaking up a volcano could cause it to erupt if you hit the resonant frequency required to break up the rocks. Why would they do that, thought? HYDRA wants to rule the US, not destroy it.”

“Well, what else would they be trying to accomplish?” Peggy asked.

“I don’t know,” said Howard, “but it’s not a victory if there’s nobody left to acknowledge that you won. Even HYDRA’s not that crazy.”

He had a point, Peggy thought. As he’d said, HYDRA’s goal was to control the world. If Kevin were being literal about the volcano annihilating the entire west coast, that seemed counterproductive. At the same time, though, she couldn’t help feeling that they had another piece of the puzzle here. If she could only figure out how the bits all fit together.

It was another long, wet drive up muddy, winding roads to reach the safe place Kevin had in mind, which turned out to be a little ranger’s cabin within smelling distance of the sulfur springs he studied. The inside of this was extremely spartan – there was a small bed, a desk, a fridge, and a bathroom. The closest thing to a kitchen was a pan and kettle sitting on the desk, each of them with a cord to plug in.

“I’ll go get the generator started,” said Kevin. “It gets pretty cold up here at night but I’ve got some extra blankets. There’s no phone or internet at all, though, not even a land line.”

“That might be all for the best,” said Peggy, thinking of what Howard had said about satellites that could find people anywhere. If they had no way to contact anyone, then nobody would have any way to track them down.

Supper that night was hot dogs and beans, cooked by Kevin in his electric pan. Peggy and Howard, both starving, devoured it as if they hadn’t eat in weeks, and Peggy couldn’t remember the last time something so plain had tasted so good. For dessert there were fruit-flavoured marshmallows right out of the package. Then Kevin made himself a cup of instant coffee and sat down to do some work on his own laptop computer, while his guests decided to go to bed early. Peggy took the sleeping bag, while Howard just wrapped himself up in blankets with his folded-up jacket for a pillow.

“Well, it beats sleeping on the floor of a delivery truck,” Howard muttered, trying to get comfortable.

“It’s quieter than being in the same suite as you and Toulouse,” Peggy replied under her breath. She hoped Toulouse would make it safely, and she hoped Kevin wouldn’t suffer any consequences for helping them. Peggy was beginning to come to the conclusion that the only way to keep her friends from getting hurt in the process of her entirely-too-exciting life was not to have any, and that really was a dreadful idea.

In the morning they got up early, ate cold cereal with milk, and drove back down to the town of Badger. There was no guarantee, of course, that the HYDRA men wouldn’t still be there, but when they drove up and down the main road on what Kevin declared a ‘surveillance run’, there was no sign of the brown truck. They therefore felt safe to park outside a Mom and Pop grocery shop, where Peggy borrowed Kevin’s phone to call Toulouse.

Once again, Toulouse answered right away. “Hello?” she said timidly.

“Hello, Toulouse,” said Peggy. “Where are you?”

“I’m on my way,” Toulouse promised. “I couldn’t get a flight to the nearest airport so I ended up landing in Sheridan and I’m driving from there. The GPS said I’ll be there around noon. Is that okay?”

“It should be,” said Peggy. She looked around. “I can see a place called the Huckleberry Restaurant. We’ll be waiting for you there.”

They sat in the diner all morning, drinking coffee and watching the cars go by outside. Peggy and Howard were on the lookout for suspicious vehicles, but unless the HYDRA people were to show up in the exact same brown UPS truck, how were they to recognize them? Kevin tried a couple of times to make conversation, but quickly realized that Peggy and Howard were too distracted to keep up their end, and took out his computer to continue working.

It was closer to one o’clock than to noon when a dark green car parked in front of the restaurant, and Toulouse got out, looking around furtively as she did so. She must be worried about being recognized, Peggy observed, because her clothing today was downright drab – jeans, a black shirt, and an oversized sweater vest with a hood. Her rainbow hair was stuffed underneath a knitted cap and her lipstick was a relatively ordinary shade of nude. She spotted them, and hurried over to join them at their table.

Kevin looked up from his computer and did a double-take as she sat down across from him. “Your Toulouse is Toulouse Sandhill?” he asked. “The hotel heiress?”

“Ssssh!” Toulouse told him. “Yes, I am!”

“This is officially the weirdest week of my life,” he declared. “The only thing that could make it any weirder now is Bigfoot.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” said Peggy. She turned a bit in her seat to put a reassuring hand on the other woman’s shoulder. “Toulouse, it’s all right,” she said. “We’re all okay?”

But Toulouse put her head down on the table. “You didn’t see what was in that bunker,” she moaned. “I’ve been waiting for the Men in Black to jump out and erase my memory any moment. They’ve got pictures of cows with their heads on backwards, and there’s things in the freezers that if they’re not aliens they’ve gotta be people, and that’s way worse.”

“Did you see anything like the machine we described to you?” Peggy asked.

Toulouse sat up again and shook her head. “I did think about calling Cass,” she said, “even though you told me not to. I thought I’d bring it up casually, like did you know the people who work here think there’s Area 51 in the basement. Maybe he’d have an explanation for it… but what could the explanation possibly be, right? It couldn’t be anything innocent.” She rubbed at her nose. “I didn’t know what to do.”

Deformed cows, Peggy thought… and possibly deformed humans as well? Could it be that not everything transmitted through the machine made it to the other end of time in one piece? If so, she and Howard were far luckier than they’d thought, and there was now a whole extra layer of complication to the idea of going back. They would have to deal with that when the time came, though.

“So you didn’t call your father or brothers?” Peggy asked. “Nobody knows you were in there?”

“Nobody,” said Toulouse. “Unless somebody saw me. I don’t know.”

“Then take us back there, and we’ll check it out,” Peggy said. “It’s going to be all right, Toulouse. You looked us up, remember, and it said that we get back safely, so it must turn out all right in the end.” At least, Peggy hoped that was how it worked.

“That doesn’t mean it turns out all right for me,” Toulouse said.

She had a point there. “I’m sure it will,” Peggy repeated – although she couldn’t help but think of Anna Jarvis, still alive but robbed of one of the things she��d wanted most in the world, all because she’d gotten involved with Peggy’s work. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. When we find whatever clue Howard and I have left for ourselves, I’m sure it will tell us how to keep you safe.”

“I… I already thought about that,” said Toulouse. She reached across the table and stole Kevin’s can of Dr. Pepper, and gave it a shaky sip. “I looked up where you are now and I tried to call you. And…” She swallowed hard. “You didn’t remember me. I tried to remind you, but you just started babbling about Captain America and how the world had changed. You didn’t know who I was at all, and I had to tell you my name over and over.”

Peggy had a sudden memory of her grandfather. He’d been a very sweet man who’d enjoyed telling fantastic tales about adventures he pretended to have had on the planet Mars, but towards the end of his life John Carter’s memory and personality had begun to decay. By the time he was seventy, he’d done very little anymore but sit quietly in a chair staring off into space, and had no longer known who Peggy or her brother Michael were. Did such things run in families? Would Peggy’s father have turned out that way if he’d lived long enough?

“If you’d died on my watch, I would definitely remember you,” Peggy said. “So in all honesty that’s a good sign.”

Toulouse nodded, but she was breathing in shudders. Peggy gently patted her back.

“Uh, excuse me,” said Kevin. “What did any of that mean?”

Toulouse blinked. “You didn’t tell him about the time travel stuff?” she asked.

“The what?” asked Kevin.

“Well, no,” Peggy admitted. “It might be best if we didn’t. You’re not coming with us to Los Angeles, after all.”

“The hell I’m not.” Kevin folded his laptop and stood up. “What if somebody knows I gave you a ride and finds me all alone in the middle of the woods? I don’t wanna get thrown down that pit. Or eaten by Bigfoot,” he added. “At this point I wouldn’t even be surprised if I saw Bigfoot, and with my luck, he would eat me.”

“Don’t worry,” Toulouse said. “I’m pretty sure Bigfoot is a vegetarian.”

#fanfic #agent carter #peggy carter #howard stark

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fairietale · 5 years

Text

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌, the faster elora’s heart beats.

❛ are we all in place? ❜ viviana glances over her shoulder at her.

elora closes her eyes, concentrating. she pictures the layout of the castle in her mind’s eyes, reaching out with her psychic powers to place the familiar energies of tsar and zelphar. they’re there, each on one side of the throne room. and elora places their mother’s and saevel’s energy in the front of the room, probably right on the throne. ❛ ready? ❜ she asks, her voice shaky.

❛ for alyssandra? always. ❜ viviana says so quietly elora barely catches her words.

here goes nothing. . .

@univurs

elora releases a pulse of psychic energy from within her, the signal for them all to converge, and, in a haze of movement and noise, the blood sisters knock down the throne room door and burst in. the only comfort elora can draw from is tsar’s form in the corner of her eye. his arms are lit up in flames, and, in the same second, his fire and zelphar’s sonic scream hit saevel from both sides.

❛ we need to take saevel out first or we’ll never get to her, ❜ tsar says to the group on their final meeting before storming the castle, and zelphar quickly agrees with him, adding,

❛ mother’s manipulations are no joke, but if we can’t get past saevel’s gravity tricks and elemental blasts, we have no hope of winning this at all. ❜ zelphar tells them.

❛ is he really that powerful? ❜ gabriel asks.

❛ he’s really that desperate for her approval. ❜ elora’s words send a chill through the air.

viviana and vienna leap forward, tearing saevel’s burning body in half.

❛ what about ellisar? ❜ dread is clear in elora’s tone.

❛ do not let him touch you. none of you could survive the venom. ❜ zelphar warns.

❛ so, he’s like the rest. to be determined. ❜ vienna shrugs, and elora wants to cry.

they move so fast that elora’s eyes can barely follow them, as her two older brother’s team up on ellisar. but before tsar can knock him out with a bolt of electricity, ellisar’s mutated claw is ripping through zelphar’s flesh, claws imbedding deep in their oldest brother’s abdomen. and all elora can do is watch as tsar’s electricity pulsates through ellisar, and then through zelphar, sending them both to the ground. they twitch there for a moment before both their bodies lay eerily still. . .

tsar looks up at her across the room, eyes wide. he didn’t mean to hit zelphar. but he had no choice. ellisar had to be taken out before he could poison anyone. no matter what.

a growl resonated through the room, making elora flinch as she looks to her mother.

❛ elora. tsar. kill them all now, and all is forgiven. you may come home. ❜ zinnia demands, and the twin souls look from their mother, to each other. ❛ you are my children! ❜ she shrieks at their clear hesitation. ❛ you will do as i say, or you will suffer the consequences! tsar! ❜ she snaps her head towards him, arm reaching out as her electricity begins to build. . .

❛ no! ❜ elora’s scream barely leaves her lips when tsar goes from standing on the wrong end of their mother’s wrath to at her side in the blink of an eye, and it takes them both a second to understand, but then look from one another to the vampire that stands in front of them, protecting them the same way she protects her own daughter, who grabs onto tsar’s arm.

viviana saved him.

zinnia seems to realize this the same moment they do, and she directs her fury at the deluca matriarch. ❛ you --- how dare you, beast?! who the do you think you are?! i am their --- ❜

viviana does not flinch. ❛ you are no one. we are their family. ❜

zinnia releases her built up energy in the same second briar’s aurora starts to reach out to shield viviana. but in the race to reach her, the shining aurora takes it as the bolt of lightning bounces off its reflective surface, turning back on zinnia. sadly, she, like all elves, is immune to her own magick, and she simply re - absorbs the energy, which crackles over her skin and in her eyes.

❛ this is it, zinnia. you are not strong enough to defeat all of us. your power is a mockery compared to that of the true elven queen’s. compared to elizabeth or gabriel, your power is barely a blip on their radar. i bet i could even take you out myself. ❜ viviana challenges her as the three groups join together as one, elora and tsar and rowan standing in the back.

❛ her real power is her dark energy manipulation. ❜ zelphar warns them.

viviana and gabriel share a look, and the vampire actually laughs.

zelphar sounds almost offended. ❛ this is no joke. it’s her strongest magick. ❜

gabriel comes the closest to smiling elora’s ever seen him.

she looks at the other faces around the room, trying to see if anyone else is confused as to what’s so amusing. she watches realization dawn on briar and vienna’s faces, but all of team elf seemed to be left in the dark, eventually prompting alyssandra to ask, ❛ what is it? ❜

viviana reaches out to her wife, placing a hand on her knee. she gestures towards gabriel with her gaze, and everyone’s eyes fall on the recently restored angel, who bounces a ball made of shadows in the palm of his hand. alyssandra smiles then. but elora’s still confused.

she’s not confused anymore as she watches gabriel’s dark energy beam and zinnia’s dark energy beam collide, meeting in the centre of the room. she understands now. they’d been so amused because, well, it’s exactly what viviana said. compared to gabriel, zinnia’s power is barely a blip on his radar. and since gabriel specialized in dark energy manipulation, it was kind of a joke.

all they can do is watch as gabriel’s power pulses stronger and stronger, forcing zinnia’s back against a wall. he glances at alyssandra one last time, and the queen nods.

elora has to turn away, burying her head against tsar’s shoulder as gabriel’s energy overtakes the room. and then all falls silent for too long, eventually making elora raise her head.

the spot where zinnia had been standing is empty, leaving nothing but a scorch mark on the wall.

❛ is she gone? ❜ rowan asks the question on everyone’s mind.

𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐄𝐃…

part one, part two, part three

#house deluca. » drabble: jordan.#house deluca. » arch: zinnia’s uprising.

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shark-myths · 6 years

Text

Folie A Deux

I promised to write FAD meta like, forever ago. It took longer than I planned. Here it is, at last.

Folie is anthemic, artistic; it’s cynicism and heartbreak all layered up in failing hope. It’s Pete saying goodbye to his band and embarking on a new life as a husband and a father. It’s Patrick finding his confidence as a showman just in time for it to turn to ash on his tongue and prompt him to remake himself utterly. It’s Joe finally feeling like he has a role in FOB and creative ownership of his own band. It’s Andy, um, drumming. Super well. Without any particular emotional interpretation on my part because Andy’s, you know, pretty content to just play with his friends.

Without further blathering, allow me to present, at long last: a rambling, tear-filled, official Tryst Theory ™ interpretation of FOB’s fourth-and-almost-final studio album.

I am always struck most by the quality of obstruction in the albums produced during the Commercial Success/’Sell Out’ era. Pete begins obscuring himself for the first time during Infinity on High and especially Folie A Deux: the lyrics become increasingly senseless, more about cleverness and sound that saying things plainly. But he’s so honest during this era too. He tells us exactly what it feels like to be him, to be so pulled apart and scrutinized and sad, to be sick on his own hope. To be sick and fuzzy, made of stuffing, and far away on way-too-many anxiety meds. We get lines that don’t make much sense on the surface, like ‘I’m not a chance, put a heat wave in your pants,’ and we get the self-aware aggression of bops like I Don’t Care.

In the previous era, Pete didn’t really know what it meant, yet—being Pete Wentz. Being so public. Being the face of the band, being the bad guy and the heel. What it would cost. Now he understands that anything he touches, or looks at, or says at loud is going to change. Once he does it, says it, thinks it, feels it, it’s out of his control. It’s owned by someone else. Even his private body, his private phone. Even his decision to defend his friend from an aggressive bouncer onstage. The brand of phone he carries, the girls he texts, who he stands next to in photos, the cities where he plays shows and the cities he does not. Now he understands that his life is not his, but something the public will use to hurt him if we get bored. This is drugstore cowboy Pete. This is a Pete grown so heavy under the weight of his own misery and bullshit that he can barely go on. This is a Pete preparing to say goodbye.

Which is a long way of saying: Folie A Deux fucks me up.

A little history (sourced heavily from Wikipedia):

The album was recorded from July-September 2008, beginning two months after Pete and Ashlee were married, and released in December 2008, shortly after Bronx was born. They started recording ahead of schedule, without telling the label, and deliberately limited their studio time. They wanted to recapture what they had felt during Grave, when they were racing against their drained back accounts to get the album set down. They wanted that simplicity and rawness, the feeling of being mixed-up kids half living out of a van and making music that felt vibrant and essential. Patrick told AP, “There was something really interesting about that creative process when we were starting out. The more time you have, the more potential you have for excess.” (He thought he dominated Infinity and wanted to pare himself back, reign himself in, for Folir.) They tried to emulate the process and feeling of Grave as much as possible: “first-thought, best-thought.” Joe pushed to be included more in collaboration and felt like he “owned the songs a lot more. It made me really excited about contributing to Fall Out Boy and made me find my role in the band.” Pete made an effort (this is him making an effort, okay) to keep his personal life more sequestered from the writing and use more metaphor and the conceit characters speaking lines, more like a stage musical. And, perhaps true to the feeling of Grave, Pete and Patrick fought painfully and violently over the record. It was personal and artistic for everyone. They felt it was their best work.

Fans tore them apart, of course. Booing anytime they played anything off the new record. The album undersold and public reception did not match the glowing critical reviews. They tried to say something important, to talk about society and convey real messages in their music. They were publicly rebuffed. Joe told Rolling Stone, “Some of us were miserable on stage. Others were just drunk.” The reception, the struggle, cemented what Pete had already decided to do: leave the band.

(Let’s not talk about the last song of what he thought would be their last show ever during which, instead of playing Saturday with his best friends and his me-and-Pat, he had the man who named the band in the first place shave off his signature Pete Wentz hair in a symbolic ritual of fucking morning, let’s not let’s not)

(but in case you want to)

A little cover art:

I just want you to know that Pete Wentz has the original painting of that cover in his home. IN CASE YOU THINK THAT’S RELEVANT.

This image. With Pete’s furry history. With the costumes and feeling like a zoo animal and playing the role of the heel, with the way he said in the Folie Making Of video that being perceived in media is “like wearing a costume, you’re not who you are.” With his interest especially in bears, the talk of stitches and stuffing and seams, with the Lullabye track and ‘honey is for bees silly bear’ (and Black Cards’ ‘you’re my best friend, honeycomb head’) and the whole Winnie the Pooh vibe. With the devoted companionship and singular love exhibited by Winnie the Pooh and the way he turns back into inert, lifeless stuffing when you grow too old and you forget what he really is and see him as just a toy, empty and pliable, and the way only childhood wonder and innocence can return him to life. How the cover has not just one person on it, but a bear-boy plus one: a madness shared by two. A real bear, and someone who’s just pretending, or just trying to be. What a match, what a catch.

WHAT A PETERICK MASTERPIECE THIS FUCKING ALBUM IS

The liner notes are empty, by the way. For the physical CD. The liner notes are just pictures and names of band members, then production information and thanks to ‘fans, friends, and loves.’ Nothing else. No lyrics. No record. If that’s not foreshadowing—

And now said masterpiece itself:

1. Disloyal Order of the Water Buffaloes

Okay, so let’s take a step back and imagine for a second the decision-making process that went into writing a magnum fucking opus Peterick anthem to open the album with. Are we all on the same page here? WHAT THE FUCK, were they TRYING to kill me

This album is the fucking Holy Grail of the drug use = Patrick metaphor, and we dive right into it with this one. Boycott love. Detox just to retox. DRAW YOUR OWN HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T PARALLELS. #trysttheory

For all that Pete tried to move away from autobiographical lyrics on this album, his view of himself is plain in this song: ‘perfect boys with their perfect lives, no one wants to hear you sing about tragedy.’

The line ‘fell out of bed, butterfly bandage, but don’t worry’ brings up my theories about what dreams mean. Falling out of bed and getting hurt is a clear consequence of dreaming so hard you forgot it was just a dream (or trysting with your best friend and forgetting there could be consequences, real people you can hurt and yourself included). ‘You’ll never remember, your head is far too blurry’ ties into w.a.m.s as well as Cooperstown and the idea of being blurry-headed, impaired because you’re fucked up on love or some other drug, and making choices you’d regret, if you could remember them. Making mistakes you’ll have to live with whether you remember them or not.

(Romantically speaking, water buffaloes are disloyal: Google suggests a single male water buffalo can sire as many as 100 baby buffs in a single mating season. It seems pretty obvious throughout this album that issues of infidelity were large in Pete’s mind while writing these lyrics.)

2. I Don’t Care

This song makes me think of Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) so much. Starting over again in Mexico, friends who don’t care about you, the blues-pop bounce to it and repeating riff? Sonically, they have a lot in common.

Pete may be playing on his previous reference to Closer (‘he tastes like you only sweeter’) with the opening line here—‘say my name and his in the same breath, I dare you to say they taste the same’—which is the saddest and most painful movie about heterosexuals you will ever watch, but writing that line and putting it on Patrick’s tongue? That may be the gayest thing that happens to me all night, guys, and I’m a queer girl with a bottle of wine and a long, long Friday evening ahead of me.

This song is so much a conversation Pete is having with the world about his fame and notoriety, imo. He calls it a narcissist’s anthem but I don’t think that’s it, exactly. I think—and the music video backs me up on this—it’s a coy wink at their own reputation, all the shit people are slinging about them and Pete specifically. We get a drug reference here, too: ‘take a chance, let your body get a tolerance.’

Also, Patrick is a nun in the video. Pete put Patrick in a literal fucking habit. What more do you need to me to say to prove definitely that Pete is desperately in love with him? This. Kid. In. A. Nun’s. Habit.

3. She’s My Winona

IF THIS SONG ISN’T A DISCUSSION OF HOW PETE HAD TO REVISE HIS PETERICK AMBITIONS WHEN HE FOUND OUT ASHLEE WAS PREGNANT

(There are so many suicide references in this song I want to join Pete and the band’s manager in cheering and celebrating all over again that our boy lived to 28. You can physically feel him resigning himself to living a long life in these verses.)

‘Hell or glory, I don’t want anything in between.’ I take this line as pretty directly about him and Patrick: he doesn’t care if they go to hell and it ruins the band, he wants to take the risk, because he thinks together they could be—glory. He wants to roll the dice. (Take a chance—I’m not a chance.) And ‘then came a baby boy with long eyelashes, and daddy said “you gotta show the world the thunder.”’ In other words, he wanted hell or glory, ruination or Patrick, but then along came his son. And his priorities changed. Of course they did. True love is one thing; raising your child is another.

‘We had a good run, even I have to admit.’

(And—here’s the thing—people ask me sometimes, what I think about Pete marrying Ashlee. “Do you think he married her just because it was the right thing to do?” No. I think he believed in love and family and forever. I think Pete believed it would work. I think he wanted it to. I think that’s why the trysting, and eventually the band, stopped: because Pete tried his fucking best. I think he loved her and loved the idea of a future for himself—the first time he’s ever really imagined that. The idea of somewhere to belong, a real family, one that he felt part of. I think he wanted more than anything for it to work precisely because it was so different from what he, or anyone else, ever expected for him. He said ‘I want to marry this girl’ and he meant it. He really did intend to love her forever, as best he could, and not love anyone else if he could help it.

But those aren’t good reasons to build a whole relationship on, a marriage on. And he was a mess, and in love with Patrick too, and hated and famous and fucked. He had no privacy, limited emotional maturity, a burgeoning substance problem and no sense of himself that wasn’t dependent on what the culture and the media and his fans and his friends reflected back to him and said was true. There was no way they could be happy together under those circumstances, and he’d have stayed forever anyway, I think. His interviews about that time—when he stopped shaving, then stopped showering; when he was a drugstore cowboy stay-at-home dad, depressed and giving up—he doesn’t blame Ashlee for wanting to leave. He hated himself enough to be miserable forever, but she didn’t. So of course it fell apart.)

4. America’s Suitehearts

This commercial headfuck of a song. Jerry christ, guys, someone throw me an anchor so I can drown myself. This caricature, the monstrosity and performance of celebrity, the way the band is reduced to wrestling alter egos, painted and pretend. No one’s being subtle with this song, this video. They are showing us exactly what they mean.

‘I must confess, I’m in love with my own sins.’

DO YOU MEAN LIKE BEING IN GAY LOVE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND

DO YOU MEAN THAT SIN?

And this verse, though ostensibly about the vagaries of fame, sounds so much like him falling in love with Patrick while Patrick is oblivious:

‘You can bow and pretend you don’t know you’re a legend. Time just hasn’t told anyone else yet. I’m sorry, I just let my love loose again.’

For so many years, Pete believed his love was something he had to apologize for. 😭 😭 😭 😭

5. Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet

Okay, fuck this, I’m done

This fucking

This

UGH

Remember the paternity rumors at the time of Ashlee’s pregnancy? Look at this whole complicated, tangled-up song about infidelity and paternity and the idea of Ashlee cheating while Pete’s cheating too. ‘Keep a calendar, this way you will always know’ [who impregnated you]. ‘I will never end up like him. behind my back, I already am.’ I literally cannot

‘Does he know the way I worship our love’

6. The (Shipped) Gold Standard

do I even need to keep writing this or is the album now, itself, independently writing the tryst theory

my notes for this song just say ‘come the fuck on’

This song is about: living in LA and missing Chicago (and what it felt like in Chicago, who you were and who you were with); taking accountability for your own actions even when it does not satisfy your hedonistic urges (e.g., marrying your pregnant girlfriend and breaking off your illicit love affair with Patrick Stump), trying to remake your identity and change yourself like those are the same thing and you can get a new heart as easily as a new name; losing your luck and breaking up (‘tell that boy I’ll leave you alone now, like a stove, I’ll turn my love down); horseshoe crabs; and of course, that good ol’ famous-in-the-closet feel:

‘I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs, but I’m afraid that someone else will hear me.’

7. Coffee’s For Closers

I’m just crying by now I can’t type anymore

He’s using this whole album to break up with Patrick, to explain, to say goodbye

‘I want everything to change and stay the same. Time doesn’t care about anyone or anything. Come together, come apart.’

‘We will never believe again’

And: ‘kick drum beating in my chest again’ and that feeling, the one we’ve all felt in the pit at any show, any good one with that golden-vibe in the air, the one that makes your heart feel connected to the hearts of everyone around you, like you could be lifted on light and floating around the room, like the love is pouring out of you and rising like heat and linking up to the network of love flowing into and out of everyone else, when you feel it and know they do too and your whole body vibrates with the impossible imperceptible hum of your very atoms, your constituent fucking molecules lit up and stitched together by this, this, this. The feeling like you don’t need lungs because singing in breath and bellows enough, the feeling like the only reason you ever had a heart was so the drummer could pump it with their sticks. ‘Preach electric to the microphone stand,’ Patrick the conductor, Patrick the evangelist, Patrick the gospel of his fucking love. Pete’s saying goodbye to that feeling. Pete knows, he knows already, what he is planning to do.

Pete’s lying. Pete’s saying ‘I love the mayhem more than the love’ like all he’s really been out to do is make a mess, break hearts, take names. Like he is no more and no less than what all the tabloids say about him. (Never watch the Fresh Only Bakery videos on youtube. They are boring, for one, and also the saddest fucking Pete you will ever see.) Pete’s saying ‘I will never believe in anything again’ and he’s making Patrick say it too, because true-blue love was supposed to last forever, and then Pete got married to someone else.

‘Oh, change will come.’

8. What A Catch, Donnie

NO. NO

how the fuck dare this song even exist

So this is it. This is the goodbye. Pete has talked about how he wrote this song from Patrick’s perspective, and he recruited some of Patrick’s favorite artists and friends of the band to sing different lines in a medley of the band’s hits up to this point. This is like, the FOB song equivalent of a suicide note. (To follow this with a greatest hits album—! G O D)

The reference to Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway—their collaboration, his ultimate suicide, and the way Miss Flack looked on all his destruction and said ‘I still want you back’ is absolutely a testament to the way Patrick, and the rest of the band, forgave him and took him back in after the notorious Best Buy Incident. The gratitude for the whole band and what the band has done for Pete is tied up in this song. ‘You’ll never catch us’ smacks of trysting, and there’s something to the line ‘I’m the one who charmed the one who gave up on you,’ as the speaker in the sentence in meant to be Patrick and the ‘you’ is presumed to be Pete.

‘They say the captain goes down with the ship, so when the world ends, will God go down with it?’ is both Pete’s intention to go down with the band (which he’s planning to sink, or sees unraveling already in the painful writing process—we don’t know at what point he made his decision to destroy yet another thing he loved in penance for some deep, unknowable conviction of sin) and his gesture of setting them free. The Video of Which We Will Not Speak shows this pretty clearly. Pete saves everyone and everything he’s ever loved at the bargain price of drowning himself. He does it without ever even appearing in the aired version of the video. *broken sobbing*

(The links for the full version are not currently on Youtube, but you can read about it here: http://www.mtv.com/news/1618609/fall-out-boy-release-wrong-version-of-what-a-catch-donnie-video/)

What a match, what a catch. If I say anything else about this song, and how basically everyone who heard it knew it meant the band was going to break up, I will absolutely fall apart

9. 27

OH GOOD A SONG I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH WITHOUT CHOKING ON MY OWN TEARS

NOT

So here’s a lovely little ditty about how Pete Wentz did not kill himself and die at age 27 as he always thought he would! Hahahahahaha I’m fine it’s fine I’m so glad this album exists I’m so glad I’m TALKING ABOUT IT

‘If home is where the heart is, then we’re all just fucked.’ All three of them: Pete, Patrick, and Ashlee. And every FOB fan out there. Ahahaha. GUYS I’M NOT OKAY

We’ve got Peterick drug metaphors to rival the punch of Hold Me Tight Or Don’t: ‘I want it so bad, I’d shoot the sunshine into my veins… Doing lines of dust and sweat off of last’s night stage just to feel like you. Milligrams in my head, burning tobacco in my wind, chasing the direction you went.’

We’ve got desperation about growing and changing and losing that which they so valued in their sound and collaboration on Grave: ‘I can’t remember the good old days. Are all the good times getting gone? They come and go and come and go.’

We’ve got the pressure of keeping your love affair with your lead singer a secret lest you risk your fame, label representation, and fortune: ‘My mind is a safe, and if I keep it in we all get rich’ right next to the dirty, hollow feeling of having images of your body stolen and used to drag your name and reputation like you had no more heart than any other empty doll and losing the value of yourself in that process: ‘My body is an orphanage, we take everyone in.’

We’ve got the romantic comparison to cosmic entities, just like in Real Ones: ‘you’re a bottled star, the planets align. You’re just like Mars, you shine in the sky.’ And that tinge of disparagement and lonesomeness: ‘I’ve got a lot of friends who are stars but some are just black holes.’

10. Tiffany Blews

This song plays with a lot of fun moth/flame metaphors that I really enjoy, while also really amplifying the isolation and quick-burning nature of fame. I think that Pete gets a sick satisfaction from having Patrick sing out the worst things he thinks about himself, that he thinks everyone else thinks about him. (Pete, I think, is the little black dress that will be faded soon.)

Interestingly, we have ‘a roman candle heart keeps us far apart,’ which is a pretty direct link to the later Fourth of July. A heart that flares, explodes, and then burns out quickly certainly would be an obstacle to building a lasting relationship, no matter how much you loved someone…

‘Hate me, baby. Maybe I’m a piece of art.’

‘Dear gravity, you held me down in this starless city’ makes me think of the Moonrise Kingdom quote in Wilson (Expensive Mistakes): ‘I hope the roof flies off and we all get sucked into space.’ It’s the opposite, basically. Hoping to fall in love and get thrown up among the glittering cosmos rather than anchored someplace dark and starless. (Aside: I love how susceptible Pete is to grand, cheesy quotes? Like when, a few days after the release of The Last Jedi, he tweeted the heavy-handed noir line ‘I want to put my fist through this whole lousy, beautiful town.’ Like, look for that in a FOB song someday.)

11. w.a.m.s.

For the curious, Andy confirmed on Twitter that the title stands for waitress/actress/model/singer, a reference to the stereotype of people who run away to Hollywood to make it big but end up washing out and struggling as the starving artist/waitstaff type. If this idea of our boys citing bankrupt ambition does not make you emotional, you may not have a heart.

This song is incredibly relevant to the dreams meta linked earlier—‘when all the others were just stirring awake, I’m trying to trick myself to fall asleep again’ is very evocative of being in denial over the jarring reality of the end of the tryst. I think this song is about one of the last times Pete and Patrick slept together before breaking up.

‘My head’s in heaven, my soles are in hell’ again highlights that Pete’s wildest Patrick dreams are very different than where he actually finds himself; ‘let’s meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well’ is a pretty transparent request, isn’t it? Especially since pre-hiatus Pete really loved to use ‘hips’ as a signifier for sexual desire/activity. Let’s just fuck and pretend it’s all okay. Let’s lose ourselves in each other and pretend we can have it. Tell me I’m the only one, even if it’s not true. Let me get high on this memory one last time.

‘Hurry, hurry. You put my head in such a flurry, flurry’ is the urgency and compromised judgment of the tryst. ‘Oh freckle freckle’ can be read as Patrick’s forehead mole. ‘What makes you so special? I’m gonna leave you’ tells us what makes the last time so good: Pete knows it’s the last time. Pete knows he has to end it. But he’s so addicted-sick, ((stray-dog sick,)) he can’t stop. ‘I’m gonna teach you how we’re all alone’ doesn’t really sound like something a newlywed and soon-to-be-dad should be saying, does it? But there it is. How can he let go when he knows ‘how heartwarming it is inside your skin’?

The final nail in my coffin: ‘I’m a sunshine machine. I want to get stuck and be golden in your memory.’

We’ve talked about how Patrick = sunshine = gold, right. r i g h t

12. 20 Dollar Nose Bleed

Fun fact: this song is basically erotica to me ever since I wrote that recording booth smut about it! I can’t even listen to it without blushing and becoming uncomfortable. So there’s something you didn’t need to know about me that you… now know about me.

‘Permanent jet lag, please take me back. I’m stray dog sick, please let me in. The mad key’s tripping, singing vows before we exchange smoke rings.’ It is OBVIOUSLY my prerogative to interpret this as slightly depraved sexual longing, but I especially like the bit about singing vows without ever exchanging anything lasting or visible that implies commitment—this can be heard as a comment on the fickleness of commitment, or it can be heard as a comment about how deeply he is/was committed to Patrick even though they never had anything to show for it. Anything they could show for it. Even to each other.

Benzedrine is, of course, the very first pharmaceutical amphetamine (read about it here!). Many great artists and thinkers were influenced by the impossible energy it gives you, which is obviously relatable to someone who experiences natural mania, peddling his own prescription like a ‘medicine man’ (Wilson lyrics). I think the verse about Benzedrine and not letting the doctor in not-so-obliquely references the issue with medication compliance that Pete experienced and many people diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder also do: the meds for this disorder are really unpleasant. They dull you out, they give you tremors, they have really strong side effects, and they take away that amazing manic spark that so many artists credit with their success. Don’t let the doctor in. They’ll take away the only thing he really likes about being himself.

‘Have you ever wanted to disappear?’ is, I think, a glimpse of the unadorned real.

The spoken word bit at the end of this song really hammers together a lot of the themes of the whole album, the whole band, personal and political both. ‘You said you’re not listening and I said I’m wishing…’, only we don’t ever find out what’s really being said.

13. West Coast Smoker

I love the hell out of this song because there are few things in life that are hotter than Patrick singing the chorus. And fuck. Patrick saying curse words. I die every time. I think this is a kink I share with Pete Wentz. I think one day Pete Wentz and I will share a circle of hell. It will be called the ‘Underage Stump Mouth Rotunda,’ and we will all be very ashamed.

We’ve got a lot of the same themes: the ease of suicide and the conviction to live, the way shows feel and how it was when they were kids, drug use and overmedicated ennui. Pete was once the son, is becoming the father, is resolving not to become the holy ghost.

‘I’m the last of my kind’ and ‘when they made me they broke the mold’ and the finality of it all. (Contrasted with the modern era: ‘you’re the last of a dying breed.’ Pete has grown up and away from his recursive self-obsession, from his own myth. Pete learning to look inside others and stop dismissing himself, and everyone else, as fool’s gold.)

‘Your eyes are blocking my starlight’ to me really speaks to the person who is keeping him from Patrick, or the people—the fans, the Public, with their eyes on his every action.

14. Pavlove

I LOVE THIS SONG

Once again, we have a drug use metaphor: ‘she’s back to the bathroom for one more,’ ‘get addicted to this,’ and of course, the endless seeking for something to make ‘my chest stir/my head blur.’ And: ‘I’m not ready for a handshake with death, I’m just such a happy mess’ shows us, for once, what Pete has to live for—not just that he’s resigned to life, but the reason for it. This song is all tied up with the heady swell of live music and self-medication, and there’s no line more representative of my experience as a bisexual person than ‘I’m the invisible man who can’t stop staring at the mirror.’

‘I want to make you as lonely as me so you can get addicted to this’ seems very directed at Patrick, doesn’t it? Because this is a Pete who needs Patrick too much, thinks Patrick doesn’t need him back, is terrified. Doesn’t know how to solve his problems except to flee them. So: he flees them.

I MADE IT. I BARELY FUCKING MADE IT BUT I DID.

To sum up: Folie is an incredible, sweeping, beautiful album about the glory of Peterick and the band’s impending end, and it will break your heart. Hit me up with questions and requests, and as always, thank you for reading!

shark-myths out *mic drop*

#tryst theory #peterick #fall out boy #fob #pete wentz #patrick stump #pete wentz x patrick stump #lyrics meta #folie #america's suitehearts #prehiatus #small out boy #folie a deux #fad

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shemakesmusic-uk · 3 years

Photo

This segment features artists who have submitted their tracks/videos to She Makes Music. If you would like to be featured here then please send an e-mail to [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you!

Zoë Zohar

Raised in Israel by a South African mother and Israeli father, Zoë Zohar shares her story and take on life through upbeat melancholic ambience. By incorporating live with electronic instruments, Zohar constantly shifts between raw nostalgic tones and futuristic elements, searching for a new authentic sound. After moving to London at the age of 19, Zohar and her team began working together on her much-anticipated EP of four songs, one of which features her recent release ‘Paper Airplanes’. Through her EP, Zohar tells a story of feeling overwhelmed in a trapped environment. In this song, she portrays a sense of loneliness and feeling on the edge of defeat, only to realise that one may find comfort in this state of mind. Zohar aims to take the viewer on a journey that reveals the conflict of befriending our inner voices and running away from them. Listen below.

Zoë Zohar · Paper Airplanes

RIVITA

Hailing from the colorful escapades of India, Rivita creates electro-acoustic landscapes with her music. After completing an extensive education in music, she is currently based in LA and is focused on writing new music and playing virtual shows. Her latest single ‘Lonely With Someone’ is a story of the consequence of addiction and the unsaid hidden scars that it leaves. The song is a segway from her previous release ‘Someone Else’s Arms’, Rivita states “With this piece of work, I wanted to express the strength an individual really holds. There have been many moments in my life, I have surprised myself with my own strength and while facing some of my biggest fears in tough situations. While growing up I watched someone get lost in the sea of addiction. As I got older, I realized just how common addiction is across the globe and how well it is masked sometimes. It has caused me pain and it felt like I had no right to feel this way because I was not the one with the disease. I wanted to find a way to release my feelings without the consequence of being told to get over it or to stop thinking about it. This is the only way I thought I’d ever be able to fully express myself, through this song”. Listen below.

Rivita · Lonely With Someone

Alicia Lov

Spanish-Canadian artist Alicia Lov took to music at an early age. Music and dance lessons pushed her passion further and led to where she is now. Alicia has a love for lots of different genres including rap/hiphop, alternative, dancehall, latin pop and so much more. Dance is a big part of her inspiration and will continue to be a prime part of her career. Her latest single 'Magnetic' delivers a smooth romantic R&B feeling that makes you want to get cuddled up with that special someone. She explains further, "'Magnetic,' has romantic R&B vibes that were inspired by love between the sheets. Smiling and tracing each other with your fingertips. Love can sometimes just be free and chaotic. Head in the clouds, floating in another dimension." Listen below.

ALICIA LOV · Magnetic

Lyla DiPaul

Lyla DiPaul is an American recording artist based out of New Orleans. DiPaul grew up in Takoma Park, MD where she fell in love with playing guitar and writing songs at the age of 10. She draws musical inspiration from a variety of songwriters including Taylor Swift, Joni Mitchell, and Phoebe Bridgers. DiPaul eloquently relays the feeling of love and heartbreak through her music, and hopes to connect to people through her work. Her latest single is ‘Still Unwell’ and here is what Lyla had to say about the release: ”I wrote ‘Still Unwell’ with my friend MC in the fall of 2019. Simply put, it is a breakup song. We always describe it as being about nostalgia for a relationship. When you miss all the good things and bad things about a person, and just cannot move on. We recorded the bulk of the song in the studio at Loyola University, New Orleans and then ended up finishing up the guitar work and the vocals in my bedroom after things became unsafe due to the pandemic.” Listen below.

Lyla DiPaul · Still Unwell

Mango In Euphoria

Starting her project in London after being employed in Florida and travelling through the United States, French-born alternative artist and songwriter Mango In Euphoria quickly found her audience when she dropped her first experimental work at the end of 2020. The singer is an emerging talent noticeable by her quirky style and her mysterious signature voice, matching her very own unique musical tracks mixing Electronic Rock, Dream Pop and Dark-wave genres. Creating melodies coming from her mind with virtual instruments and recording with a very basic microphone during the global Coronavirus pandemic, Mango In Euphoria also began to work remotely with Belgian producer Philippe Francq who helped her in developing a lot of demos with physical instruments inspired from vintage influences such as the Twin Peaks series soundtracks, The Cure, and Garbage. As Mango was mainly musically influenced by Grimes and Lana Del Rey, there's no doubt that the result would be quiet outstanding. Her new song ‘Golden Shrine’ is about celebrating who you are as a unique person, embracing this uniqueness “and also about someone who started to copy everything I was doing when everything was coming from my creativity so instead of getting more pissed off I created a song about it!” she laughs. Listen below.

MangoInEuphoria · Mango In Euphoria - Golden Shrine

Shannon

East London singer-songwriter, Shannon is an indie-pop artist that brings soulful tones through her vocals. Her music shares stories and experiences through heartfelt lyrics and production driven by acoustic guitar. Her latest single ‘But He's There’ is an upbeat track about the complications of falling for a close friend. The lyrics reveal inner thoughts of uncertainty about stepping out of one's comfort zone to fulfil an exciting idea of love. As the song builds, the story unfolds and reflects the fantasy for a closer relationship. Shannon's high notes introduce an unexpected direction to the vocal line that mirrors the feeling of being caught unaware by your thoughts and feelings. Whilst picturing the production for this song, some influential tracks from the 90's came to mind from artists such as Corinne Bailey Rae, Lauryn Hill and Natasha Bedingfield. The laid-back drums and organ keys give off a chilled vibe, almost as if the song acts as a passing thought during a relaxed Sunday morning. Listen below.

officialshannonuk · But He's There

Heff VanSaint

East London-based alternative pop artist, Heff VanSaint has released her debut track ‘Nothing Lasts Forever’. The former one half of synth-pop duo Miracles has gone back to her roots with a song that fuses old-school storytelling, with a contemporary lo-fi indie sound. ‘Nothing Lasts Forever’ is a tale of lost friendship, at a time of carefree hedonism. It’s a bruised, melancholic song tinged with sadness. Lyrically sublime, its evocative lines hit deep and leave the listener experiencing a sentimental yearning long after its over. Listen below.

Nille Nyc

Following up on the release of her debut EP PowerPainPillsPercussion, Danish electro pop artist Nille Nyc has just released new single ‘Someone Else’, her first of 2021, as a per cursor to her upcoming full-length album. Let’s face it, we’ve all been there: a relationship that seems to constantly be teetering on the edge of the abyss, until one day when it finally implodes. Afterwards, all that we can do is pick up the pieces and move on. ‘Someone Else’ is a story about looking back at the aftermath of a bad relationship from the safety of a better place. With a playful guitar, heavy R&B beat and edgy vocals, ‘Someone Else’ opens a new chapter in Nille Nyc’s musical journey. “Throughout our lifetime we experience relationships which challenge our core values as human beings, both professionally and personally. Every relationship needs to grow and mature; to look to the future while keeping the lessons of the past in mind. The same holds true for music. Every musician needs to keep innovating and experimenting. They need to take risks and challenge themselves by exploring new ideas and new ways of expressing themselves. If they don’t, then they run the risk of becoming static and their music will suffer for it”, Nille Nyc says. Listen below.

Nille Nyc · Someone Else

Natasha Ghosh

Natasha Ghosh originated as a professional Dutch-Indian fingerstyle ukulele player, but nowadays she also focuses on singing and releases her own music. Natasha's main styles are R&B, indie electronic, lo-fi, and hip-hop. Her new single ‘Paradise’ is a deep and emotional vocal-led lo-fi track with a relaxed sense of beauty. It's a personal song about romantic escapism between lovers. Lush synthesizer melodies, emotional vocals, and dynamic, but the chill drums make this track a perfect fit for study, Lo-fi, chill, and dreamy playlists. This is a song that Natasha wrote with her girlfriend in mind. "I believe that it's important to show the people you love what they're worth to you. In an ever-changing society where all kinds of stuff are happening around the globe, it's good to focus on the good things.” The track was a COVID-19 project, made in collaboration with the famous lo-fi artist Kid Kio from home studios. Listen below.

Natasha Ghosh Music · Natasha Ghosh (feat. Kid Kio)- Paradise

Olivia Void

Berlin based experimental artist Olivia Void uses her highly recognizable voice and songwriting style to introduce us to her unusual sonic cosmos. Her debut ‘Made for You’ was published in October 2020. After collaborating with members of the local and international electro and folk scenes in the meantime, she now prepares for the release of her debut EP PHYSICAL later this year. Unpredictable and captivating, Olivia Void’s new single ‘Glory to Glory’ is a hommage to our physical selves. Led by the Berlin singer‘s characteristic voice and electric guitar play, we get carried away high and low until we want to join in the glory. Talking about the powers of the self-reigned body, the song‘s unique structure creates a whirl that drags you in. As more and more layers are added or taken away we find ourselves in a state of vibrant emotion. Listen below.

Olivia Void · Olivia Void - Glory to Glory

#submission saturday #zoe zohar #rivita #alicia lov #lyla dipaul #mango in euphoria #heff vansaint #nille nyc #natasha ghosh #olivia void #shannon

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thestaffofgrayson · 6 years

Note

1-100 for the unusual asks, you meme lord

Mmmmkay so I cant help being sassy but also wanna give a real answer so we gonna do this -> Anything in parenthesis is a real answer everything else is sass central station

1) Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Im a dank soundcloud rapper check out my soundcloud at nobodycares540.soundcloud.fuck (I dont really use any of em tbh)

2) is your room messy or clean? *glances over* clean (m e s s y)

3) what color are your eyes? All 16 of em are different colors actually (blue)

4) do you like your name? why? No because its not Jojo (Yes!!! Love the name Perrin gonna be honest)

5) what is your relationship status? *sets status to its complicated* you could say im a bit of a player (deathly single)

6) describe your personality in 3 words or less? Im sorry who? (Described meme lord)

7) what color hair do you have? Minecraft Steve Brown (Ver Ver Pink)

8) what kind of car do you drive? color? No I run like sonic next question (nope fuck driving fuck boulder)

9) where do you shop? Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (For what Next question)

10) how would you describe your style? Goku Black cosplay (Goku Black cosplay)

11) favorite social media account? The one with the Z U C C (Tumblr fuck snapchat)

12) what size bed do you have? Uuuummmmmmm my size OBVIOUSLY next questions (Dont know tbh queen maybe?)

13) any siblings? Little shit brother (thats not even a joke)

14) if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Why this world fuck you what about mars (uuuuhhhhhh no idea gonna be honest)

15) favorite snapchat filter? Oh man! Love this one altho its not well known what ya gotta do is hit the delete button and when it asks if youre sure say yes :D (they change so often I dont pay attention)

16) favorite makeup brand(s)? Whatever it is Genji uses as eyeliner (dooont wear makeup)

17) how many times a week do you shower? I get clean by rolling around in the snow so maybe like 3 times a year (depends usually once a day with exceptions)

18) favorite tv show? I dont watch tv I AM the tv (The Office or if its Anime then Jojos Bizarre Adventure)

19) shoe size? M Y S I Z E (size 10)

20) how tall are you? hOWs ThE wEaTHEr dOwnTHeRe (5′9 - 5′11 somewhere in there)

21) sandals or sneakers? Gadget Shoes (legit those are cool but sneakers)

22) do you go to the gym? I think theeessseeee muscles speak for themselves (nope but I do martial arts)

23) describe your dream date Killing all mortals and achieving a state beyond that of a god (iiiii dont know I dont really see myself going on a date)

24) how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Why do YOU wanna know (no really why tho)

25) what color socks are you wearing? Well I’m at home on the sofa playing sonic the hedgehog and typing up responses to an ask on tumblr that about 5 people are gonna see. That being said, Dragon Ball orange. (not wearing em but I have a fuzzy pair of polar bear socks my friend Ana sent me that I love!)

26) how many pillows do you sleep with? Wait what do you mean not everyone sleeps with 25 pillows are they mad? (One for my head, one on each side, smol pillow, pillow pet)

27) do you have a job? what do you do? I am assistant regional manager at a paper supply company named Dunder Mifflin. (Not currently but I’m gonna apply to Gamestop and Costco here soon)

28) how many friends do you have? Toooooooooooooo many I hate mortals (honestly I’m too lazy to try and count rn)

29) whats the worst thing you have ever done? Well I haven’t seen Mulan don’t call the cops (Iiiiiiii’m not sure I guess cheated on my Chinese final freshman year but hey I needed to pass that)

30) whats your favorite candle scent? V o i d (I dont use candles that much and I shooouuulld)

31) 3 favorite boy names Jo[seph] Jo[estar], Jo[taro Ku]jo, Jo[nathan] Jo[estar] (uuuuhhhh I like my name so it would be Perrin, Joji, Donovan)

32) 3 favorite girl names Jolyne Kujo there is no 2 and 3 (Jolyne yes I know but I actually really like the name, Perrin is also a girls name so, Milly)

33) favorite actor? Shrek from Shrek the musical (Robert Downey Jr and Chris pratt)

34) favorite actress? Taylor after she sasses me and acts like nothing happened (Millie Bobby Brown)

35) who is your celebrity crush? McCree (Matt Mercer)

36) favorite movie? UM IS THIS A QUESTION LIKE??? OBVIOUSLY THE SHREK AND BEE MOVIE CROSS OVER SHREK B: HONEY AND SWAMPS (I LOVED Black Panther and Thor Ragnarok but Secret Life of Walter Mitty’s stuck with me for a loooong time)

37) do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I don’t read cuz I’m not a NERD (I mean actual books I don’t ask me about it another time but comics I sure do I love the Marvel Civil War storyline)

38) money or brains? They say Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy me more games! Eat that SUCKERS (Honestly brains because then you can be smart which can make you a lot of money. So many more benefits)

39) do you have a nickname? what is it? Perriushium, destroyer of life and bringer of the new age (Pey given to me by my brother when he was still a baby and couldn’t say my name)

40) how many times have you been to the hospital? Enough to be immune to every disease known to man NOW IM UNSTOPABLE MWAHAHA (none for any of my own conditions or injuries but for family stuff about twice)

41) top 10 favorite songs All Star, All Star, All Star, Chum Drum Bedrum, All Star, All Star, All Star, Never gonna give you up, All Star, All Star (Bloody Stream, Sono Chi no Sadame, Flying Battery Zone, Stardust Speedway, Stand Proud, Goku Black theme, Halo theme, The Apparition, Shovel Knight main theme, Hooked on a Feeling)

42) do you take any medications daily? I take a shot of cold hard whiskey when I get up (nope I dont have anything)

43) what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) The largest organ of my body I’ll tell ya that much (I honestly dont know?? Smooth and soft I guess?)

44) what is your biggest fear? The Communists lol jk Communism is the only way (I’m not so sure on this one gonna be honest I do fear something I just cant think of it at the moment)

45) how many kids do you want? I mean I’m a 16 year old teenager in high school with no job and no relationship that being said 5 (NONE EVER NOPE 0 KIDS)

46) whats your go to hair style? Super Saiyan 3 (Idk I just kinda comb it to the left)

47) what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) All Star. Wait fuck wrong quest- (Two floor medium sized house)

48) who is your role model? Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh (uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh)

49) what was the last compliment you received? A like on my post we did it guys we hit one like so I’m here making this 1 like special (I was told that everytime my friend see’s my dyed hair it absolutely makes his day :D)

50) what was the last text you sent? Yeah that’ll be $5000 for the kill nice doing business with you (Maaaannny pictures of Genji Shimada)

51) how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? WHAT SANTA ISNT REAL????!!!!!?!?!?! (It kinda faded over the years my last strands of belief were gone by 12)

52) what is your dream car? Odie’s car from Garfield Kart (The Mach 5 from speed racer there’s a street legal car look it up)

53) opinion on smoking? Jotaro does it so I do it too (PSA: Smoking doesn’t make you cool or look cool you’re just killng your lungs. I won’t try and make you stop as long as you’re aware I don’t want you smoking around me and you understand the consequences)

54) do you go to college? After that SAT I meeeaaaaannnn McDonalds might be hiring (I’m still in High School but I want to)

55) what is your dream job? To stand in a corner for 8 hours with a lamp shade over my head and make a clicking sound every so often (I would like to be able to draw, animate, design and/or play games for a living. Achievement Hunter would be a fantastic job but I doubt that’s happening)

56) would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I wanna live in a cloud In the sky and abduct people to harvest their DNA and make clones which I can fight to the death with (eh somewhere quiet and disconnected from people tbh)

57) do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? They fetch pretty high prices on eBay you’d be surprised (Nope I dont use them at all I bring my own and take my own)

58) do you have freckles? My face is a giant freckle little known fact (not really thank god I would look real bad with em)

59) do you smile for pictures? *leans in* I’m gonna let ya in on a secret kid. I wait until the photographer is just about to take the picture and then I hold a middle finger over my face to block the proper shot. Do it enough times then they’ll be payin YOU to get the picture done (I do but I only open my mouth slightly)

60) how many pictures do you have on your phone? They’re all of people I’ve killed because they showed me a stale meme dont worry about it (960 exactly and they’re all either memes, fan-art, or my cute friends)

61) have you ever peed in the woods? Ew no I don’t go outdoors thanks (Yep once on a school field trip in which we hiked to the top of a mountain it was fun)

62) do you still watch cartoons? Well I mean SOME ONE spoiled my belief in Santa earlier so I’m a bit too old for that now. I have a boring desk job thanks LAZLO (I do spongebob is really funny to me still and I LOVE the original Teen Titans)

63) do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McWendy’s next question (I dont eat either so)

64) Favorite dipping sauce? Drip dip dip I’m boutta rip please i want to die (I dont use dipping sauce either call me a heathen all you want)

65) what do you wear to bed? Well I take off the clothes I wore for the day, take off my earring, ring, necklace, eyes, hair, 3 layers of skin, and call it a night (Pajamas mostly and sometimes sweatpants)

66) have you ever won a spelling bee? *Obligatory Bee Movie Joke* (I’ve never even heard of a spelling bee in any of the schools I’ve been to)

67) what are your hobbies? Well I like to kill all mortals #ZamasuWasRight (I enjoy martial arts, drawing, video games, game design, and walking around my house with nothing to do)

68) can you draw? UH BOI YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ART IS UNTIL YOUVE SEEN A SHITTY JOJO DRAWING OF MINE (I mean yeah but not well)

69) do you play an instrument? Electric Triangle (Actually, I play the Violin but not super well)

70) what was the last concert you saw? SORRY WHAT I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF THE CONCERT (I’ve never been to one that seems like the opposite of fun for me personally I hate hyper loud music, people, and crowds)

71) tea or coffee? Coftea next question (tea. I don’t drink caffeine if i can help it)

72) Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? I need my sugar sonic rings (Again, Don’t drink caffeine)

73) do you want to get married? I’m already getting married. MARRIED TO THE LIFE OF CRIME THAT IS UP TOP (I mean I would like to one day)

74) what is your crush’s first and last initial? My Self (I don’t have anyone I’m crushing on)

75) are you going to change your last name when you get married? What’s crimes last name? Smigglesworth? (If my partners last name is something with an S cuz then I can be PJS)

76) what color looks best on you? You know the color mario turns when he uses the super star? T-that (Pink and Black)

77) do you miss anyone right now? PPFFFFFT NOOOOO WHATS A FEEL *CRIES* THOSE ARENT TEARS ITS JUST SWEAT IVE ANSWERED A LOT OF QUESTIONS OKAY (I miss all my internet friends :( *cries*)

78) do you sleep with your door open or closed? It is neither open nor closed it is in a hyper dimensional state between open and closed in which no mortal can enter or exit but also cannot be blocked from passage (clooossed because otherwise the cats are gonna kill my fish)

79) do you believe in ghosts? I mean how else would I make a long and successful career as a ghost buster (I do!)

80) what is your biggest pet peeve? My pet, Peeve! Biggest one I know! (depends on for what tbh the other day a guest speaker was talking to the class and this kid was playing music in his headphones really really loud and it pissed me off)

81) last person you called? Called what? Called them a nerd? A good bean? A meme? MAKE MORE SENSE YOU ******* **** *** ******** (Well according to my phone, the name listed is “Mom”)

82) favorite ice cream flavor? I’ll ice your cream if you’re not careful (Vanilla with chocolate syrup mixed together is hella everyone GO TRY IT)

83) regular oreos or golden oreos? The fuck is a golden oreo?? (No seriously, what the actual is a golden oreo)

84) chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? *mario invincible star song plays as I flash color and dash down rainbow road* I’ll have to think about it (rainboooowww!)

85) what shirt are you wearing? Well I…. You see… The thing is…. excuse me for one second (yeah I can’t think of sass to this one but my favorite shirt! Sonic mania that my friend Tasha bought for me and I love it!!!)

86) what is your phone background? RYUJIN NO KEN WO KURAE!! “What do you think of this color? Is it not beautiful?” If you dont know those HOW DARE YOU LEARN THEM AND WE ARE WATCHING DRAGON BALL (Genji lock screen and Goku Black home screen)

87) are you outgoing or shy? Does THIS answer your question >:D (Outgoing when I want to be, but I’m antisocial so it’s like I CAN be outgoing and personable but it’s highly on my terms ya feel?)

88) do you like it when people play with your hair? My hair is a pride to my race the Saiyans hair is a sacred thing I will advise you not to touch it (YYYEEESSSS I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT BUT THAT HARDLY EVER HAPPENS)

89) do you like your neighbors? …..the what? Never heard of it before is that a type of appliance? (I mean they’re chill we don’t interact a lot which I’m cool with)

90) do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Nothin can cure this ugly face fest of spring 2018 (I use face wash when I shower which is typically right after school not sure why it matters but there ya go :V)

91) have you ever been high? “I’m high on LIFE maaaannn” -Incorrect Shaggy quotes (N o p e never have don’t plan on it)

92) have you ever been drunk? shots ShotS SHOTS SHOTSSHOTSHOTS (nope but I will one day maybe in College years)

93) last thing you ate? The shattering realization that my friends will keep saying OWO to me every chance they get (Pancakes! asked for french toast but I loooove the breakfast food so no complaints)

94) favorite lyrics right now someBODY Once Told Me The World Is Gonna Roll Me… (The lyrics to Bloody Stream dude it’s a g r e a t op)

95) summer or winter? Sorry I’m on Mars weather its ZXAR right now (eeehhhh winter cuz then I have an excuse to be inside and it’s also the ski season)

96) day or night? I am the darkness. I am the night. I am BATMAN (Night honestly I’m a fan of the darkness)

97) dark, milk, or white chocolate? Plllleeeeaaase its like asking if you’re heart is pure of evil or not. Dark Chocolate is a sin (Milk chocolate is the best chocolate fight me on that)

98) favorite month? See, some may argue for their birthday months, christmas, new beginnings to the year, but I say there’s only ONE spooky time :3 (Altho I’m one of the fools that’s gonna have to go with March because it usually has my favorite kind of weather for where I live)

99) what is your zodiac sign I refuse to go by Zodiac signs until Ted Cruz is proven to be the Zodiac Kill————–”OLD MEME ALERT THIS IS THE MEME POLICE” “I AINT GOIN BACK TO JAIL” (Cancer! I wear a necklace of my sign all the time fun fact for ya)

100) who was the last person you cried in front of? Me after writing all these (Don’t know actually I try not to cry in front of people ever)

#Perrin answers #Thanks for the ask!#About me

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fakesam · 6 years

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Belated Black Panther Thoughts

Everything happening regarding Black Panther right now feels like a miracle. You can only congratulate a giant, increasingly powerful conglomerate so much for realizing black money runs the same as white money, but it is still a moment to be celebrated. Seeing a movie this proudly black in the limelight, with such a large budget and plenty of promotional backing, is delightfully paradoxical given the toxic whiteness infecting the national atmosphere from the top down. This movie dropped at the right time. The biggest individual piece of promo comes courtesy of Black Panther: The Album, curated by Kendrick Lamar and the rest of the Top Dawg Entertainment braintrust. Licensed movie soundtracks have experienced something like renaissance over the last couple years, a business maneuver congealing the interests of film studios looking for anything to boost social media traffic and musicians to get some extra exposure and a decent payday. The results of these partnerships has been mixed at best, even when the Best Rapper Alive is involved. Remember when Kendrick rapped over an overly macho remix of Tame Impala’s “Feels Like We Only Go Backwards”? Most people don’t.

Even with this project, it was easy to develop some cynicism about the final results. Kendrick has become more and more intransigent about being the voice of the voiceless, but he’s hasn't been above easy mainstream pop dollars in the past. Man gave verses to Taylor Swift and Maroon 5, and performed with Imagine Dragons. “All The Stars”, the most successful single off The Album, is a pleasant enough pop-rap hit that struts perfectly over the end credits of a blockbuster, but it lacks the depth of feeling that has made Lamar the current Poet Laureate of Black America. There’s also “Pray For Me”, a Weeknd and Kendrick collab that sounds like it was salvaged off the Starboy cutting room floor. These songs are fine, but eminently forgettable. Thankfully, these tracks are clear outliers, the lone examples of mainstream genuflecting across the entire project. The uniqueness and specificity that makes Black Panther so appealing as a film is also apparent in the sprawling sonic odyssey of its soundtrack. It’s better than anyone could've hoped for.

The playlist era of album design, gives credence to the worst impulses of people just trying to get paid, narrative coherence be damned. Migos’ Culture II was ruined by an engorged tracklist that led to a runtime comparable to most of the nominees for Best Picture at the Oscars. Twenty-four songs was at least ten too many, but who needs an editor when the penalty for choosing quantity over quality is so minimal? But it’s the perfect format for a movie soundtrack.

Kendrick’s ability as a tastemaker has never really been a thing to consider until now. His albums are hermetically-sealed portraits of his psyche, exploring his personal tensions and how they’re informed by his personal history and the lineage of black strife in America. This intricate exploration of his inner self doesn’t leave much room for other voices - the featured artists welcomed into his world are brought in for a very specific purpose. Kendrick is also very selective about the songs of other artists he’s willing to jump on. Combine that with his social media reticence, and the lists of contemporaries that Kendrick listens to are tantalizingly vague. There’s an undeniable intrigue to learning who a near-consensus superstar genius deems worthy of the aux cord. Consciously leeching on to the burgeoning movements of younger rappers is a tactic that Drake has perfected over the years. The two current titans of hip-hop have been acting out a musical cold war for the last couple years, so it’s tempting in a sense to think of Black Panther: The Album as Kendrick running with Drake’s idea of a “playlist project” that he tried to make happen with the release of More Life.

But it’s much more tempting to talk about the sumptuous quality of this music on hand. The litany of artists brought together to assemble this album, a mix of established stars, burgeoning upstarts and total unknowns, bring disparate genres and musical approaches to the table, all cohesively strung together under the diasporic flag of black excellence.

It’s obvious in hindsight to see why Kendrick was so attracted to the project that he asked to oversee the entire soundtrack after watching snippets of the film during its production. The divide between T’Challa and Killmonger’s views on progress mirrors the internal strife that has Kendrick has been ruminating on his entire career. TDE took their role as gatekeepers seriously, drawing delineations between the conflicts of the movie and the endless struggle that is sadly inherent with the black experience. Black Panther could never have the intimate complexity of a solo Kendrick record, but it details the black experience with more nuance than many albums told from one perspective. The strokes are broad, but the completed painting is still worthy of admiration.

Most of TDE shows up in some form. SZA provides the hook on the aforementioned “All the Stars”, Schoolboy Q reminds us of his undeniable charisma on “X”. Ab-Soul puts together his first good verse since his 2012 album Control System on “Bloody Waters”. We even get a glimpse of the lesser seen, frivolous Kendrick on “Big Shot”, a bouncy, “New Freezer” interpolating Travis Scott collab that doubles as the latest entry in the “Dope Rap Songs built around a Flute Sample” pantheon. from rap to pop to heavily indebted house music from South Africa. But it’s the newer faces that making their formal introduction to larger audiences that makes this album genuinely exciting. SOB x RBE have received most of the acclaim for their scene-stealing performance on “Paramedic”, and that praise is warranted, but they’re not the only up and comers who killed it. Jorja Smith makes a war march sound like heaven on “I Am”, and South African artists Yugen Blakrok and Babes Wodumo make their case for international renown on “Opps” and the South African house jam “Redemption”. Kendrick is present on every song - his contributions ranging from being the best rapper alive to windy background vocalist - but he’s very much a secondary figure in the works of others.

It’s bears repeating how remarkable it is that this thing has been allowed to exist. That Future inhales a bunch of helium, interpolates Slick Rick, and asks for a blowjob with one absurdly entertaining turn of phrase. Someone at Marvel signed off on all of this. We should all be thankful for that man or woman or committee of persons. What could’ve been a simple cash grab for TDE becomes something much more stirring and exciting thanks to a commitment to take the source material seriously enough to use it as a launching point for work that is both evocative and entertaining. A perfect table setter for the main event.

As I sat in the chair of the theater waiting for the movie to start, I was slightly nervous about the quality of the movie. The hype cycle had spun into overdrive had built the movie to stratospheric heights. Black Panther stopped being a movie and became a religious communion. That’s a lot to live up to. Aside from the inescapable expectations created by fans, Marvel’s cinematic spell lost their power over me years ago, as the negative aspects of the “Movies as TV episodes” system became more glaring. Nothing of consequence ever happened and the action scenes were overwrought and anticlimactic, antiseptic, CGI-soaked action that put me to sleep. The last comic book movie I enjoyed without much reservation was the first Guardians of the Galaxy, way back in 2014, 87 years ago. Even Wonder Woman, one of the rare superhero films allowed to take some risks - as much as giving women the chance to be all-powerful warriors without the prompting of a man counts as a risk to some people - lost me during the third act when Gal Gadot fought a Bloodborne boss yelling corny “Give In To Evil and Join Me!!!!!!!” dialogue in the middle of a flaming airfield. When comic book movies go extremely comic book-y, I lose all interest. My expectations were middling despite the widespread adoration of the movie that compelled me to go see it in the first place. Not quite as cynical as I tend to be, but not wearing a T’Challa costume to the theater.

By the time the entire elite class of Wakanda was shimmying from on high while T’Challa fought for the throne of this Afro-futurist utopia (the first time this happens), I realized how wrong my assumptions were. I didn’t realize how much I needed this movie to exist. Just witnessing this much blackness - a proud, intelligent, secure version of blackness - actively enriched me while I was watching it. The power of representation isn’t lost on me, but I believed I was past the point where I would experience such gratification from a giant blockbuster. I underestimated how affirming it would be to see this much black prosperity on film. It’s amazing how impactful the casting of black actors in roles usually given to white people can be. I’m jealous of little kids who can look up to Shuri or T’Challa or Nakia and feel a little less ashamed of themselves at a young age. M’Baku’s capacity to be large and menacing and also capable of telling jokes about cannibalism is magical. I would watch all of these characters do anything for hours. Instant icons, all of them.

Black Panther also solves the eternal villain problem that’s been flummoxing superhero films since Heath Ledger died. Killmonger is incredible. He is still a villain, since his endgame of choice is to start a literal race war, but his motivations and reasoning up to that point are totally understandable. From an outsider’s perspective, Wakanda is this hovel of selfish conservatism that does nothing to stop systemic oppression and kills anyone who whispers about their existence too loudly. Sitting pretty in their Vibranium-powered towers above the struggle. It’d be easy to resent Wakanda if you’ve never seen Shuri pranking T’Challa in her lab. The most logical emotion for him is anger. He went out like a G, too. That last line was perfect. I would have liked to see more of a conversation between Killmonger and T’Challa before he took over, but you can only hope for so much civil rights philosophizing in a blockbuster. It was enough to feel like the obligatory third act battle was had actual stakes. Black Panther finally made the Game of Thrones fandom sensible to me. Political maneuvering can be way more engaging than I realized. Blame George Lucas for that train of thought.

I find it hard to think about this movie in any critical sense because I’m so happy that it was allowed to exist in this form. After sleeping on it, I will concede that the South Korea sequence didn’t need to be that long. The “Andy Serkis is a Soundcloud rapper” goof was an airball. But anyone who would rather complain about about the scene’s usefulness as a plot device more so than celebrate the badassery of Chadwick Boseman and Danai Gurira is not to be trusted. Same goes for the fact that this movie has a sense of humor that can’t be reduced to just Tony Stark saying something snarky or tryhard quirkiness, Guardians of the Galaxy 2 style. They really let Ryan Coogler do that shit. Black Panther is the first Marvel movie that was clearly in the hands of an auteur, with a vision uncompromised by studio notes or the compulsion to tie itself to the rest of Marvel Cinematic Universe. This movie never feigns interest in the machinations of the Avengers or whatever wold-destroying portal they need to destroy, and thank god for that. The narrowness of the story lends itself to much more in-depth character development and a sense of place. It rarely feels or looks like other Marvel movies. Wakanda is too good for reality, but the open designs of the shopping areas and the impeccable fashion of the citizens tied into the history of African culture in a way that's easy to intuit. Shoutout to the Codeine Crazy-esque skyline in T’Challa’s first herb-induced vision. Shoutout to the guy with the giant disc in his mouth. Man had fits for days.

Even my mom loved it. I saw the movie with her and Danai Gurira’s performance was so good that she thought about shaving her own head in her honor. She also said she wanted braids like Angela Bassett’s character, but quickly decided against it because of the time commitment to getting such a hairstyle. But getting that level of inspiration from a Marvel movie spells out how special Black Panther is. I rarely watch movies with her anymore. Our tastes have mostly split as I’ve grown up. I haven’t seen her that giddy walking out of the theater since… ever? Her love of the movie really made it clear how special this moment is for the culture. I kinda hate that I said for the culture, but I don’t know how to end this. Many thanks to Ryan Coogler and company for giving me that moment. Uhhhhhhhhhh bye.

#black panther #movies

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