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earnestly-endlessly · 3 years

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I love your fic recs! Do you have any with Protective!Erik?

Protective! Erik is one of my favourite tropes so I have a TON of fics to share with you. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Protective! Erik fic recs

Erik Lehnsherr's Guide to Saving the Universe By Meeting Your Soul-Mate and Falling in Love in Less than 72 Hours – madneto, Pangea

Summary: Army Pilot Erik Lehnsherr is just trying to enjoy his day off when a mostly naked person crashes through the roof of his car. Even more alarming, the strange falling naked person—who goes by Charles Xavier when he's not speaking an ancient dead language—brings tidings of the apparent potential end of the world, and begs Erik to help him put a stop to it.

Well. His mother has been nagging at him to go out and meet new people.

In Sound and Silence – endingthemes

Summary: Erik is assigned to care for the special patient in room 301.

How Not To Meet Your Future Boyfriend – ikeracity

Summary: Erik punches Charles in the face the first time they meet. There isn't anywhere their relationship can go from there but up.

Forgotten – FuryRed

Summary: Charles is having a really bad day. Not only has he woken up in the middle of the afternoon with no idea where he is or how he got there, but when he returns home he’s confronted by a stranger with intense eyes, who insists that he knows Charles rather more intimately than Charles remembers…

Thou Shalt Not Eat Stones – valancysnaith

Summary: Two months after Washington, Raven found Erik in a skeevy motel off the Florida interstate.

“They have Charles, Erik,” she said.

The bedframe shrieked. In the bathroom, the showerhead snapped in half and clattered into the tub.

Demoted – JayPendragon

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a detective-specialist with the NYPD Mutant Tactical Unit, ready to help out where his skills are needed. Or he would be, if he and his partner hadn’t been demoted. For the next four months, he is patrolling the Lenox Hill precinct with Azazel – if he doesn’t die of boredom first. One night they are called in to investigate a potential case of domestic violence, yet the tenant assures them he is both alone and unharmed. However, there is something about this Charles Xavier that compels Erik to follow up.

Warning: Sensitive material, domestic abuse and dubious consent

Watch Your Back – swoopswoop

Summary: Bodyguard AU where Erik is overly protective and things aren't as simple as they seem.

If We Met Differently – swoopswoop

Summary: Erik wasn't the only mutant 'taken in' by Shaw, Erik learns this the hard way when a new mutant is dropped into his cell. They manage to escape together, but things aren't all roses after that. Erik has a score to settle and needs to make sure Charles is safe.

The Color of Love (Character Swap Remix) – BadLuckBlueEyes

Summary: Nobody sees in color until they meet their soulmates. When your soulmate dies, your vision returns to black and white. What happens when your soulmate only dies for a few minutes?

Omega Online – miss_aphelion

Summary: Newly imprinted Charles is having trouble dealing with his overly protective alpha—so in desperation he seeks advice in an omega chat room. Emma Frost is more than happy to help, Raven isn't helping at all, and Erik can't stand to be out of touch with Charles for more than five minutes at a time.

Cannot be Contained in Words – wallhaditcoming (uvcatastrophe)

Summary: Crime syndicate head Erik Lehnsherr travels to London on business, where he meets oxford student Charles Xavier. Their liaison spawns into a years long transatlantic affair, kept apart by Erik's work and Charles' studies,which Erik chronicles in photographs. When distance ceases to be an issue after four long years, the overlap between Charles' past and Erik's work create a whole new set of complications.

A Pertinent Reminder – ikeracity, Pangea

Summary: Sometimes it's easy to forget that getting involved in Erik's mob business isn't all fine dining and sex on yachts. There's nothing like taking a couple of bullets to remind Charles of the reality.

Part 3 of the Associates series

A Dangerous Game – ikeracity, pangea

Summary: When a familiar enemy of Erik's returns to the city for some old-fashioned revenge, Charles is sucked deeper into the world of the mob than ever before.

Part 6 of the Associates series

You don’t choose the thug life (except when you do) – Anonymous

Summary: Charles is kidnapped and discovers that Erik, the Alpha he has been dating for the past few months and is head-over-heels for, is not just a wealthy businessman but actually the head of a syndicate.

He is rather unhappy about this discovery and Erik gets an earful for lying to him. Then Charles is kidnapped again and really, he hopes mating Erik won't result in weekly kidnapping because he has a thesis to finish and papers to grade.

Marrying a Mob – Ook

Summary: Charles is a teacher at a very exclusive school. When armed men burst in on the trail of two children, of course he stands up to them and gets hurt. The children are Erik Lehnsherr's children (of course); a "prominent businessman" or, less politely, "mobster".

Erik is grateful to Charles for saving his children's lives at the cost of his kneecap. So very grateful.

Naturally he tries to reward Charles for his actions. Equally naturally, Charles will be having none of that.

Azazel finds the whole thing unspeakably hilarious. Naturally.

Rumor Has It – blueink3

Summary: "Did I hear the doorbell earlier?"

"Yeah, but I'd steer clear if I were you. It seemed a little tense. I don't know what's going on, but there's a kid out there who looks freakily like the prof."

Nearly six months after Cuba, Charles' life is turned upside down for the second time. Though he's slowly learning to adapt to the first, he's not sure he can handle the second. Luckily for him, there are a few people out there more than willing to help.

Forward Momentum – AsYouWish

Summary: Six months after Cuba, Charles and Erik find themselves thrown fifty years into the future, where they meet their older selves, the Avengers, and a world that's very different from their own. Faced with the pieces of their broken relationship, an unparalleled adversary, and dealing with Tony Stark on a daily basis, Charles and Erik do their best to adapt while trying to find a way back home -- and to each other.

Runs in the Family – Anonysquirrel (chibirisuchan)

Summary: Alex knew his own reputation. Hell, he'd started some of his own reputation, because it kept some of the smarter thugs off his back. Everyone knew Alex's reputation. There was no way Hank didn't know his reputation, but he'd brought Alex into a house with some really expensive things and a lot of innocent little kids and his too-friendly, too-harmless dad.

But clearly Hank hadn't told his family anything about Alex, just like he hadn't told Alex anything about his family. At least, not about the brain-breaking parts of his family.

"I didn't know where to start," Hank said, for the dozenth time.

Featuring mpreg!Charles in a Kiss The Cook apron, overprotective!Erik in wet black leather, and baked goods. Lots and lots of baked goods.

Round the Corner Waiting – swoopswoop

Summary: When things go so spectacularly wrong during a relationship, Charles - now a single dad - almost makes a big mistake, only to be stopped by a mysterious man who just might turn his life back around.

Hide Your Fires – swoopswoop

Summary: As the sole heir, Prince Charles, had no problem with the roles and responsibility that would come with ruling a kingdom. Though he was the only one who did not see a problem. After years of being shuttled back and forth between kingdoms, his Regent hoping he would find a match more suitable to being King, he is finally sent to Genosha. Though the path has never been less clear than the one to a foreign kingdom with no ties to his native land.

Shaw’s Captive – swoopswoop

Summary: Magneto killed Shaw, it had to be done for the sake of mutant-kind but what he wasn't expecting to find hidden deep with Shaw's complex was a man held captive, obviously tortured, that somehow made Magneto turn into Erik.

Erik now has a potential human in his citadel as he continues the war with the human's.

Mind’s Eye Blind – Sperare

Summary: As far as Erik is concerned, if you want to scare a person into talking, you have to present him with something more compelling than what he stands to lose...

And there is nothing in the world more compelling than Charles.

Chipped – Rosawyn

Summary: Magneto's fledgling Brotherhood find Charles Xavier in a mutations research lab as an apparently willing subject for an experimental suppression device.

Okay, I Feel Better Now – Harleydoll

Summary: The AU in which Erik is sent to a mental health facility after being convicted for Shaw's murder and pleads insanity, and Charles is his paranoid schizophrenic of a roommate. Powers, Hellfire conspiracies, protective!Erik, and of course the inevitable angst.

Five Nights in Nuremberg – FuryRed

Summary: When Charles escapes from the mutant prison he has been held in for the last two years he knows that he’s going to need help to avoid being recaptured.

What he doesn’t expect is that help will come in the form of a mysterious German man who rescues Charles and takes him to his home; a handsome stranger who, frustratingly, doesn’t speak a single word of English…

Five Bullet Points – Sperare

Summary: It was supposed to be Erik locked away in a prison one hundred stories below the ground.

Charles was never supposed to be there with him.

Notes: Unfinished but an excellent read. Highly recommend it.

Stolen – ishipitsobad

Summary: Erik is a miserable, grumpy, cantankerous bastard, and he has every fucking right to be. He drew the short end of the stick when he got the Underworld as his domain, and there isn't very much fun to be had in judging and governing dead souls who would rather be anywhere else but with Erik in the depths of Hell.

So when he meets Charles, brilliant and lovely Charles who is more popularly known amongst the mortals as Persephone, and feels the promise of something wonderful that could make his eternally doomed existence infinitely more bearable... you can bet all your drachmas Erik's not going to let Charles go any fucking time soon.

My Barbaric Darling – baehj2915

Summary: Erik is revivified caveman. Charles is the anthropologist(?) taking care of him. This is as ridiculous as it sounds. Romcom misunderstandings and prehistoric wooing ensues.

Swimming with Sharks – Not_You

Summary: Erik used to be a shark. Now he's not, and has to figure out how to be a good human father to his twins. Charles is willing to help.

Eucalyptus leaf of my soul - kageillusionz, ourgirlfriday

Summary: Zookeeper Raven at Taronga Zoo keeps having ideas on how to capitalize on interest in the zoo mascots, Koala Charles and Drop Bear Erik (the only drop bear in captivity!), who have captured the hearts and minds of the public. First it was to introduce prospective mates (It’ll generate attention, Hank. People are perverts. They’d love to see koala porn.). This idea was not effective the first through fifth attempts, as Erik and Charles seemed to show at best polite interest in the newcomer before resuming whatever marsupial debate they had going. However, the resulting lesbian koala orgies did indeed generate interest. Then Raven unveiled the Hug-A-Koala program, which was successful, as the public showed great interest in hugging Charles, and Charles seemed to enjoy being hugged.

Then Raven unveiled the Hug-A-Drop Bear program, and Hank, not for the first time, wished he had a flask handy.

Notes: Yes, they’re Koalas, yes they’re adorable, and yes, Erik is super protective even as a Drop Bear.

#cherik #cherik fic recs #fic recs #protective Erik #long post

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sanstropfremir · 3 years

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Okay, time for my weekly rant so buckle up. The vocal stages were okay-I cant really remember them well because I watched them only once so take what I say with a grain of salt. Well I watched the Spark one once and I only got through half of the other one because I can’t stand ballads especially when there’s no interesting movement on stage to keep me engaged. Like it’s no fault of the members themselves or the song (I actually think their singing was incredibly beautiful and Eunkwang always sings like his wife just left him with the kids which is how you know he’s good) but I physically could not pay attention. That’s why I liked the spark stage a bit better-there was enough movement that I was able to focus on it. I really liked the use of the fire and the way they were walking in and out of the frame trading off parts so there weren’t too many awkward moments where the other members where on stage but not doing anything. The opening was gorgeous with each members being lit by the spotlight as they harmonize. So stagewise, I prefer Spark but vocally I think the other group was stronger. I love Spark and Taeyon is such an incredible vocalist (I mean the song is great because of her) so I don’t get why their delivery was, I don’t want to say weak, but subdued might be a better word. The only one that really stood out was Junhoe (but also that man couldn’t not stand out even if he tried, not with that incredibly rasp) and even he seemed to be holding himself back a bit. Though it was a bit slow it built up well to the two last choruses but still the first half could have been stronger. I know they were trying to draw it out to a strong pay off but I don’t really know if it was enough. And yes the suits were *chef’s kiss*. I think at this point in their career the FNC stylist has put SF9 in so many suits they’ve got it down to a science. Also I’m a sucker for those shirts with the triangle cut out and we got not one but two of them here.

Okay moving on, I’m not sure which group was next but I’ll talk about the Ikon stage. It seems like they finally realized that they’re on a performance based competition show so they decided to pull out the big guns. Love the little skit at the beginning (making sure people don’t forget that they’re YG), it was cute and refreshing. I really appreciated how they leaned into the campy acting in this stage (Stray kids did it too-just adding to the similarities between their stages). The song was meh but I also don’t really like BP especially not their recent stuff so it’s not a big deal. I would have preferred if they had gone with another song maybe Whistle or As If It’s Your Last or if they’d done a 2NE1 song like Chanwoo mentioned some point in the episode. I also think the stage would have been way smoother if they’d let Ikon and Lisa interact. Like if the boys appeared in her set after her section and then they all moved back to the first jungle set and then the whole thing turns gold and they did a dramatic outfit change (but with better jackets because theirs look like they came out of Party City). I also get what you mean about the dancers outfits not being that great. I actually really liked the outfits of Lisa’s dancers in isolation but they didn’t match with her or the set so they threw me off a bit. At least with the ikon members they were going for a modern look so the dancers outfits didn’t look that strange in comparison. Do you think it would have been better if they were white? How would you have improved then? The best way I can describe this performance was that it was a stage, stuff happened, I enjoyed myself but I don’t plan to revisit it anytime soon. Oh and we also have to give points for them cursing on national television not once but twice (at this point Jinwan deserves to say fuck).

Now to Stray Kids. So I feel like I need to preface this with the fact that I am actually a stray kids fan (I won’t call myself a stay because I don’t associate with the fandom) and though I’ve been really critical of them and their stages tend to be my least favorite I still have a soft spot for them (I got into this show because of them after all). I loved, loved, loved the intro with Felix (and yes his biggest flaw is that he’s Australian but I forgive him for it) and the way it immediately transitions into the chorus of DDD-the abrupt transition does fit really well with the Deadpool theme and I guess it is the closest they’re going to get to the feeling of yeeting themselves into traffic like in the movie. Interesting choice to start with the chorus. Now that I’m rewatching it I do really wish they stuck with the comic theme. I think that’s my gripe with SKZ-they have a lot of good ideas but they move on too quickly from them. Just pick a handful of things and sprinkle them throughout instead of cycling through them at breakneck speed. Like okay they’re doing Deadpool and he’s a comic character so keep the comic styling (it would have been a good thing to put in the projection behind Seungmin’s scene), maybe in the subway they could have had some fight choreo so the guns coming in at Lee Knows part aren’t out of nowhere (also someone please tell me they were trying to recreate the meme with the cat and the knives, please I need to know). I absolutely agree that them having a goal or an antagonist would have really helped the story along. I mean they literally have a spoken intro so why couldn’t Felix just tell us who they were fighting (and I’m pretty sure in the movie Wade tells us he’s trying to kill Francis in that scene sooo). As always they put more focus on the rappers (please can we get less Changbin and more Seungmin, Jeongin, or Lee Know or at least give Felix more parts). Seungmin was the real mvp of this stage and he had the best outfit (I think it qualifies for Hanya’s best gay little outfit list). Personally I with they hadn’t gone with Gods Menu again. I’ve been hoping that they would perform My Pace (and maybe remix it with their B-side TA off their Go Live album) because that would be such a fun stage. Again, I enjoyed myself but I won’t revisit it anytime soon. At this point the only groups I actually look forward to are BTOB and SF9 (they’re doing fucking Move and I don’t know whether to be excited or terrified-there’s a clip of Taeyang covering Move from a variety show or interview and I think he does it really well so I know at least one of them can pull it off). Again thanks for creating space where I can info dump and I hope I said something of interest to you!

i think you wrote more than me!! i love this, im gonna put my response under a cut im not being super obnoxious on the dash.

i get that the mayfly stage would be not as visually stimulating for people and usually i would count myself in with that crowd because i love a good spectacle but i think because i watched the spark stage first and my colour perception is sometimes weird so when there's a lot of movement with very little colour variation my tiny pea brain loses track of whats happening really quickly. especially with red. so it was kind of difficult for me to pay attention to the spark stage in the second half. also i absolutely HATE watching people flub on stage because it brings up such visceral secondhand feelings that i couldn't even watch the stage when i started the full episode today.

i love a good suit but you know what i would also love: sf9 in more costume variations. tbh im just getting nitpicky about it because im a costume designer down to the core and i got trained by a designer who specialized in doing avant garde costuming so i tend to skew more towards wild than reserved. it looks like the move stage wont be be suits so ill take it, but oh man to do i want to see some really crazy stuff. which i know they'll never do because idols have to be pretty at all times or the fans get mad but oh i want it so badly.

do you mean how i would improve ikon's backup dancers outfits or lisa's? here why dont i do both. for lisa's dancers i would have just done away with that harness shape all together, its almost exclusively a military style. the jackets by themselves would have been fine but really what they should have done was put them in something that matched the gold but contrasted enough to give them shape. by having at least her dancers in all black on a gold stage there was a lot of "haha look at me do a duck walk because lets throw in some voguing for spice." they could have gone with a mesh bodysuit idea similar to what she was wearing or even just different colour coats. as for ikon's backup dancers, firstly pants. not black. or even a longer skirt. genuinely a part of the reason why i dont watch girl group content is because i HATE the hem length of the shorts they make everyone wear. words cannot describe how much i hate that cut. kpop is so obsessed with showing off women's bodies and especially their legs but they do it in the LEAST flattering way possible because it "can't be too risqué," just shoot me now. i hate it. i hate it so fucking much. yea yea everybody was on cocaine in the 80s whatever but at least they were all wearing french cut bodysuits so their legs looked fantastic. stop interrupting the lines!! anyways. pants so the only section of skin showing is thigh to mid calf, especially because they weren't even doing any fun legwork! if they really wanted to keep the full sleeve bodysuits they shout have done them in a fabric with a texture or external embellishments, like a patent/vinyl or sequins/rhinestones. something to catch the stage lights so we can actually see the shape of the limb. but the easiest way to fix it is literally just cut the arms off the bodysuits. stages are lit to show off skin, sometimes the best way to have something be seen is just to have it bare.

i agreed skz cycles through ideas way too fast, they need to just pick a couple and stick them out through the stage instead of just adding more and more different ones throughout. also ok good someone else noticed that there is just...so much changbin. we don't need that much changbin. i know there's other boys in the group let them do something! also im pretty sure theyre not recreating the cat knife meme but actually the promo image from john wick chapter two, which i also could have sworn i saw a deadpool version of as an instagram ad back when movies were happening, but now that im looking for it it doesn't exist so i might be crazy.

im excited for the move stage but im also trepidatious because...its move. i have NO clue what the concept is from the previews so i just hope its weird enough to take it enough out of the taemin context for me to enjoy it.

#kingdom #youre very sweet im glad you like sending asks in!!#realistically im just trying to replace going out to the pub and talking about art with people #this is my virtual pub you are welcome to a have a pint at my table!!#theres some costume talk in this one for anyone who reads the tags first #as you can see do not get me started on the shorts issue because it is one of the few things that gets me irrationally angry #i can ignore it most of the time by willfully not thinking about it #kpop questions #text #kingdom asks

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curious-menace · 3 years

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Glad you took that nap earlier then! Do you wanna talk about your riddler stuff that’s on your brain? I wouldn’t mind reading, I like reading your stuff!

oh boy a blank cheque for mayhem

you might regret this when i spend the next 4 hours rambling >:)

things that currently live rent free in my brain

so i have an idea for a fic id like to write. a reader x arkham riddler one. basic premise is that riddler is having a nightmare or has had a breakdown after the events of arkham knight. its a terrible night outside, pouring down and freezing ( as it always is in northern ireland in the winter ha.). tldr riddler comes into readers room bc he’s crying an they have a sweet little cuddle and comfort session under the blankies while listening to the rain outside.

speaking of rain. i wrote an angsty fic called Rain on my ao3. it was of riddler on the docks outside the pinkney orphanage after he realises batman abandoned him and died. i’d like to do a reader insert version and finish the sequel i have in my docs because im a sucker for angst.

im trying to wrangle the brainworms for the second part of the telltale riddler fic. its not going how i want it to but like...im too attached to the idea to just scrap it. i want to try and make it work but like i said, brain worms not cooperating.

constant streams of riddler angst. riddler crying and needing held like a child, riddler having a nightmare and coming to bed for comfort. riddler suffering fuels me

honestly? general nonsense with various riddlers. like just imagining he’s with me in the grocery store saying funny shit, keeping myself entertained in quarantine by imagining him in various scenarios ( which is how i sometimes get my headcanon ideas)

i have a SHITLOAD of character abc’s, nsfw and sfw alphabet stuff to do for arkham riddler ( all 4 of them) arkham scarecrow, blacklight riddler and my oc/selfie shepherd. these things are min 5000 words and i just cant be bothered with it right now. i WANT to do it but like. as soon as i open the document i get discouraged by the sheer scale of the task

my tablet is gathering dust at the end of my sofa. again, i WANT to draw but i just dont have the mental energy . its probably why im blazing through these asks, i can sit on my butt on the sofa and just type i dont really have to focus too much, just imagine my riddling boys in whatever scenario the asker wants.

id like to draw some scenes from my fics. ive done some shipping things on my main account of blacklight shep and blacklight riddler. there is a fic i wrote called “hiccups” where shepherd adjusts eds tie. its very sweet and id like an excuse to draw her a fancy outfit bc her normal one is plain compared to riddlers gold garb.

speaking of my fics. these damned prompts from my main account: Edward: After this is over, feel free to lose my number Jonathan giving Edward a back massage when they flop on the couch or bed. Shepherd and Edward getting sick at the same time. i got a friend to send me these so i could use them but this was BEFORE i decided to start a batman blog. they drive me nuts every time i see them because they arent on the batman blog and theyre just messy and they just SIT THERE.

lastly, and i cannot stress this enough, i NEED to write down my blacklight au. it needs to get out of my head and onto paper before i forget like i did last time. tldr my blacklight au is a sort of remix of the injustice world, where superman is evil. it starts off with kid shepherd meeting kid scarecrow and ends with her world hopping to the arkhamverse. i don't know if you've read dark knights metal or know about the Nth dimensions or any of that but i'm trying to bring some of that dc canon into blacklight without making it hella complicated. i should just focus on building up to what would be the start of the injustice story before i get ahead of myself but you all know me. i'm an excitable over-writer with too many ideas .

maybe i should write them down first or something. like on paper rather than a fic or bullet points . sometimes physically writing it helps you get your ideas out...

i have a few other riddler brain worms right now but im keeping this sfw so those worms will stay firmly hidden in my brain closet, where they belong XD

ANYWAY

thank you for asking. its nice to just have, as i put, a blank cheque for mayhem and space to ramble. no one irl in my life is interested in batman so i have to save it all up for this blog and discord

oh well. cest la vie

- shep 💙

#asks #shep speaks #acrylic #wip

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desdemonafictional · 3 years

Text

2020 Fanfic Year End Summary

Hey ho let’s go

Nev does these every year and I think they’re interesting, so for the first time I’m gonna give it a go too. I feel like this has been the longest fucking year--the Zine feels like it was two years ago and last January feels like it was ten years ago.

I’m gonna answer some questions and do a little reflection on the year

This year I technically finished Icarus with 2k words of a 36k story, and after that I went on to produce 197k words not even COUNTING the stuff from GPAU which I do not know how to divide up for 2020.

That’s 23 fics in one year, 8 of which were cowriting projects. This year has been, objectively, insane. By comparison, in 2019 I produced 17 fics and at the time I thought THAT was doing pretty impressive work. Now it’s not my best year by sheer number of titles--2018 was an oil boom while I was into JTHM and I actually put out 25 fics that year, some of which were short oneshots and some of which were two- or three-shots. But in terms of words? 2020 knocked them all out of the park. Which is absolutely something I owe to my amazing friends who let me ride around in their brains like the parasite I am.

In 2018 I started cowriting with Chokopopo, in 2019 I started cowriting with Neveralarch, and in 2020 I just did a fucking ton more of that with no looking back. It’s so incredibly motivating to have someone to show your progress to! And to have someone to hand the project over to when you’re stuck. If I hadn’t had Nev to bounce off of, most of this fic wouldn’t have been thought up at all, let alone finished. And don’t even get me started on GPAU! Choko and Zephyr and me have done such amazing things with “Welcome! Everything is fine”, and I can’t wait to be able to wrap that up and leave it for posterity.

I switched job positions around July of this year, and it’s changed the way I produce fic. Not sure if it’s good yet or not. I was never actually under a stay at home order this year because I work for a state agency, so to a degree I’ve missed out on the ways that quarantine affected other writers. I think I was fortunate?

Best Title

Ahhh this is tough, I put a lot of effort into my titles this year--I promised myself in 2019 I was going to stop using song lyrics for fic titles because they make songs loop in my brain and it’s self inflicted torment, which is a promise I... mostly kept. “Dress Your Idol in Gold and Ashes” is the one I put most effort into probably, because I kept toying around with it trying to find something that was evocative of the right pagan imagery, and also the idea that got me started on the fic was a passage in a text book about the daily dressing of an idol statue in ancient Egypt.

“Broke My Last Glass Jaw” gets special mention because I named it after an essay that I wrote in undergrad for my African American Lit course, in which I broke down themes of the spoiled american dream via the lens of 90′s rap.

Worst Title

“Take one for the Team” is definitely my laziest title. It’s just super self indulgent kink fic, no character arc or anything, so I couldn’t find a good image or phrase to bring in for the title. Also I remember I really wanted to post it quickly, since it was a response to some art I was looking at, and I wanted the artist to see. I’m sure I could have done better with the title.

I did end up titling “Fear and Delight” after a song but I forgive myself because I literally only wrote the fic because the song existed first.

Best Summary

Some of these summaries I wrote and a some I did not, but of the ones that I wrote I think.... “ I'm All Full Up on Yesterdays, Don't Sing Me No More Blues” is the best one. It launches you directly into the action, while preserving the surprise reveal at the end of chapter 1. I actually wrote chapter one with this summary in mind, so it was baked in there from the start.

Jazz turned in his seat, cube at his lips, just in time to spot the white pursuit vehicle steaming and panting in the doorway. “Jazz of Staniz,” the enforcer shouted, “surrender the matrix and come quietly!”

Jazz knocked back his drink. “Well!” he said to the open-mouthed bartender, “time to split!”

Worst Summary

I mean, summaries are hard for everyone, right? That’s the thing we all universally struggle with, I think? I usually end up liking mine, and this year I was less afraid to just let a section of the story speak for itself. Anyway the worst one is “ Broke My Last Glass Jaw” by virtue of the fact that I had to come back months later and add another line because I wasn’t satisfied with how it was reaching audiences.

After the war, Impactor is at loose ends.

(They were friends once, weren't they? After all this time, Impactor wonders if Megatron hasn't managed to forget.)

I really wanted that one line to say it all, but honestly it requires a lot of trust in me as the author and most of the people who pass by the fic in the archive aren’t gonna know me from adam. The second line clarifies what kind of story it’s going to be in terms of tone and theme.

Best First Line

I’m pretty ambivalent about most of my first lines. Since Nev already pointed out the first line in “ Apotheosis”, I have to admit, it is pretty good. It gets off to a real jaunty start.

“Excuse me,” Starscream said, striding down the steps of the senate chambers with his cape flaring out behind him, “get your cowcatcher out of his face, you tin-plated amateur despot, he’s with me.”

I also like the audacity of a run on sentence that is the opening to “ Desecrate You”

Ratchet clicks the video because it was auto-recommended, and because First Aid is always dropping hopeful hints that he wants her to watch his show when he’s supposed to be grading papers, and because something about the title (“This is Definitely a Hoax! None of this is Real! Short Cut Footage Episode”) makes her wonder why the hell someone who runs a Ghost Hunting youtube channel would bill their own hard work as a hoax right out of the bag.

Worst First Line

Definitely the least interesting is from “Tantric Sex, and Other Mysteries of the Divine”. I guess it’s another fic where I was really eager to get to the meat of the fic, and so I just went back after I was done with the fic and wrote a paragraph of bare bones setting context so we could move on already.

It’s game night at Swerve’s, and Nightbeat is out in the thick of the crew for once, getting the lay of the land.

I have the same problem in a few fics, which probably arises from the fact that when I read a fic, I often skim the first paragraph or so to see if I really want to commit to the read. So I sometimes write like I’m expecting the audience to do that too. I probably need to work on that. Man, I even did it in Sexy Staycation.

Best Last Line

I like endings! I usually have a good gut instinct for where stories should end, and how to pace that, and what image I want to close the fic on. Often times I’ll be writing a story and feeling really lukewarm about it, and then the ending will come to me, and I’ll feel totally won over by it. That happened with my Suicide Squad fic years ago. So this is for the most part me picking the best of the things I already like. “Broke My Last Glass Jaw” has a good pithy one; I like how it isolates this moment as a moment of choice, and how it’s also ambiguous whether he will change because of this or whether he’s doomed to go back to his predetermined pattern.

And despite the unguarded door and the empty inviting streets beyond, where no one wants or expects anything of him but his feterless bitter trog onward into the next waiting prison cell, Impactor lays down, and Impactor does.

Special mention goes to “ The Sky Dark in its Eclipse : Orange Light Remix”, because the ending section is one of the big changes I brought to the remix, and I’m really happy with how it alters the shape of the narrative and also how it changes the focus of Rung’s arc. Most of the actual words in this fic were written by Choko in 2018, so this is like a collab in slow motion--I changed loadstone moments mostly, some of the framing, all of the backstory, and updated the setting for Cybertron. But the ending is all me.

On the morning of Intro to Psych finals, while Hot Rod hums and taps and scrolls back and forth through his test on the front row of the testing hall, Rung will sit behind his desk and brush the dust from the rotors of his fateful archetype, and start the long process of putting the pieces together once and for all.

Worst Last Line

Again, I like my endings, so this is really the worst of the best. The original ending line I wrote for “ All Our Urgent Restless Sighing” was:

Deadlock’s finials twitched. “...I am a reasonable amount of interested,” he said, “in this topic.”

And in the beta process, Nev came back in and added the line about Ratchet and cuddling, which was a big hit with the readers it seems like. So clearly I benefitted from some help there haha!

Looking back, did you write more or less than you thought you would this year?

you know what, I definitely wrote more than I thought I would. I didn’t see “Don’t Sing Me No More Blues” coming at all, and that was once a month for most of the year. I was hoping that I would be able to write a few things outside of Transformers, because I always worry that my long spans of hyperfixation are driving away my longtime readers... and I did manage to get one hxh thing written that was good, and one hxh thing started that is mediocre so far. So I guess I’ll call that good enough.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, just your favorite.

hmm I’m really proud of the Pharma chapter me and Choko put together for GPAU--the body horror, the tragedy, the lotus eater machine plot. But even though that felt like a whole ass story of its own, I guess it’s only a chapter at the end of the day. So my favorite story would be “Apotheosis”. It’s just SO much, and we had SO many things we wanted to do, and somehow we managed to do them ALL. Corpses! Children! God! It’s got everything! The only thing it doesn’t have is the idea that literally started us plotting out the fic. And that was “ritual public sex with Starscream and Rung”. Oh well. Maybe someday. Probably not.

Okay, Now your most popular story

Ha! I tend to view the success of a fic more based on its bookmark ratio than its hit count, but by the numbers, unsurprisingly, “ Don't Sing Me No More Blues” is my most popular fic of the year at a whopping 3k hits and 113 bookmarks. Well, it is jazz/prowl which means it has a built in audience of considerable size, and it also updated seven times this year which increases its net range, so no surprise. But I think people also just really vibed with it--it’s very much a product of the times we are living in, and I don’t think it could have been written in any year except for 2020.

“Dress Your Idol” has 58 bookmarks, by the way. I’m extremely proud of that fic for having such a high bookmark to view ratio. I guess the people who did read it liked it a lot.

Story most underappreciated in its Time.

Okay nothing is as under-exposed as the stuff I produced in JTHM, so I’m definitely not complaining. It’s hard to think about leaving TF because TF is such an enthusiastic community. That said, “ Neggnog Cozy” did not get eyeballs. I’m not surprised, it’s short and it’s gen, and Thundercracker doesn’t have the built in audience of say Starscream. Still, I thought it was really funny and cute and I would have liked it if more people would have given it a chance.

Story that could have been better

Oh, “ Melusine Among the Tombs” for sure. I went into that with only the first chapter planned and immediately after realized that I had no idea where the fic was going and also I had lost my grip on canon characterization after a couple years going rusty in other fandoms. I plan to finish it eventually, but I need a better plan than “wing it???” first.

Sexiest Story

I wrote SO much weird kink this year. Like. Shout out to past me for writing some pretty spicy JTHM fic, but this year I really leaned into how weird you can plausibly get with an all robot all alien cast.

“ The Sensual Machine” is the most unabashedly horny because it was written specifically for a weird kink themed zine that I was an editor on. “Desecrate You” is also quite horny but I almost exclusively wrote the frame device for that, so I don’t get sexy credit lmao. “Fear and Delight” was a big hit with all the hxh readers and I think it has an element of sexiness more so than pure horniness--its has a kind of glamour and style to it.

Most fun story

“Starscream's Sexy Staycation” is by far the most unabashedly comic and sexy and silly and low stakes. It has one of my favorite kinks, a beautiful stupid moment of Ratchet suffering, and Rung calling safeword which is something new and fresh and I want a lot more of it in the world.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

“ Lacunae” was given to me as a yule gift prompt with the express intention of explaining who the fuck Carmilla’s mother was, and what the deal is with Carmilla as well. This would have forced me to reevaluate my understanding of the novel except for the TEENSY insignificant fact that I realized I had never finished reading Carmilla, somehow, and ended up reading it for the first time in December in preparation for yule. So uh. Hmm.

I think “ Don't Sing Me No More Blues” made me think about Prowl in a different way. I wasn’t really expecting him to be this hard-edged idealist when I started out on the fic. He was originally going to be much more like the autistic coded Prowl of “The Cop and the Cryptid,” one of my favorite fics ever. Also, I started writing the fic about a month before the riots and police protest kicked off in America this year, and it really caused me to zero in on how Prowl being part of a system like that affects his relationship to the world and other characters.

Hardest Story to Write

“ Elegy for Actaeon of the Hounds” took me a total of six months to write from start to finish. I don’t know why. Well, It’s partly because there are three involved sex scenes and sex scenes are actually very difficult and time consuming for me to write. It’s also partly because I kept wanting it to have a character arc, and I kept getting stumped on how to handle that. Beauty and the Beast plot lift? Have Rodimus be a rabbit? Eventually I settled on the version that kept the cast tightly cinched down around Megatron and Rung, and I’m happy with the result.

Easiest Story to Write

When we were writing “Apotheosis” it felt like we were on FIRE, we were so productive and we started three other projects between us while it was in motion. But “Take One For the Team” was absolutely the most fun to write, it basically wrote itself

Most Overdue Story

“Champagne in the Final Days of Rome” was based off a conversation I had with Nev pretty early on in our friendship--Discord says it was June 2019, so that’s uhhh ten months between discussion to actual writing? And it still didn’t turn out to be the fic we were originally outlining, haha.

Oh god you know what was really the most overdue? The last chapter of “Icarus; or, Look Who's Digging His Own Grave”. It was literally a year, January to January, between chapter 12 and 13. For a while I thought maybe I was just going to have to leave it there, without resolving the time loop problem at all.

Did you take writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing for the zine was a big risk. I remember Nev had to reassure me at least twice that what I was writing wasn’t too weird or off-topic or embarrassing to be part of the project. Now, of course, I’m very happy with it. But my god I was nervous to post something that was like.... straight up actually bimboification applied to one of the most popular toy characters of all time.

What I learned from this is that people love horny shit, are READY to take a chance on a weird fic when its in the right wrapping paper, and when in doubt you CAN sell people on a kink they’re not really into by making the kink actually a reflection of a character arc. Are you writing this down?

Do you have any goals for writing in the new year?

Finish GPAU!!!!!!

I’d like to FINALLY sit down and do some hard work on my original fiction. I’ve been kind of waiting for the tf hyperfixation to wane so I could move forward, and I think that process is in motion now. But who knows. If Rung shows up in the new comics I might get nerfed again.

Other than that I’d like to write at least one fanfic that isn’t TF, and I would like to get this really crunchy Rung/Pharma fic off the ground so I can make some people CRY

#2020 retrospective #fanfic

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itskateak · 4 years

Text

(Preface: this is a really long post as I typed it as I was watching the movie so this is unedited, pure thoughts as I was watching this movie.)

I just started watching the new Cats movie and I’m already having issues with what’s going on

Why did Munk spider man his way down a wall

What’s wrong with Misto

Why don’t they just crawl on their knees Jesus Christ if they weren’t on their toes it would be better

“Are you mean like a minx” that’s not in pitch

ThatS NOT HOW JUMPING WORKS

The choreography is going good though- I knew it would. I’ve worked with that choreographer before.

WHY IS THIS NOW A POP REMIX

I have so many questions

Music is too fast. Tempos are everywhere.

Singing isn’t too bad. I can understand the words better.

Munk is a little too feminine for my taste at the moment but I like his design.

ROMANTICAL CATS (heart hands) IS THE MOST ON BRAND MISTO THING YET

Macavity speaking and singing his own song is disgusting

WHY DO THEY HAVE HUMAN TOES AND FINGERS

Why is everyone bullying Misto

AND HUMAN NOSES

Munk there’s a rhythm to the Naming of Cats. You can’t go off it whole everyone else is on it.

You guys can’t keep a tempo can you

HIS name. HIS.

Munk that’s a little sexual. NO YOU ARE WITH DEMETER STOP

stop cutting the scene up. Just let them dance.

AH REFERENCE TO ORIGINAL CHOREO. I SAW THAT

Misto is on brand except he’s not Misto yet storytellers

Also I’m liking the idea that Victoria is new to everything and the plot is they’re introducing her to the wild and the whole heaviside layer thing

THATS NOT THE MELODY MUNK STOP

they have human eyebrows too what

Munk that note is too high for you

Is Jenny twerking excuse me

JennY IS SUPPOSED TO BE MOTHERLY STOP THAT

that’s also not the melody

The human mice are going to cause nightmares

Wait is Jenny lusting after Munk

Why does he actually look interested

Munk do you have an English accent or American. Please decide.

Jenny that’s not the right notes

HUMAN ROACHES NO

WHY DO THEH HAVE HUMAN FACES

The skiN UNZIPPED OH NO

no one needed that undershot of cockroach crotches

Mm meow

huh what Tugger what was that

Okay Derulo is not bad at all

I’m missing the Tugoffolees banter though

This Tugger is a little gayer than the original

THE NEUTER JOKE OH MY GOD

Tugger is reminding me of Dr. Frank N Furter from Rocky Horror Picture Show

Why does he have an English accent though

VictoriaaaaAAAAA? (The TOES)

Jenny’s humor is eh. Don’t see the reason of putting that in.

The ending is pure Tugger though

Not a bad rendition

Grizz isn’t as rough as I imagined her looking

Oh her VOICE

HER VOICE HITS HARD

Who is this cat singing about Grizz (the first) her voice was nice

NO. WHY THE SHORTNESS ON “that”

Munk why did you grab that queen’s head

Edward Hyde is that you?

Jenny stop trying to be the comedy relief you’re too awful at it

Bustopher please STOP singing your own song

PLEASE KIDNAP HER IDRIS ELBA

THANK YOU

I wish they spent more time dancing since that’s really the point of the show and the draw to it.

Bustopher wearing heels? I’m for it. Gay legend.

“Thanks Tugger” stop this whole sequence please

Bustopher is supposed to be a very prim and proper cat. What happened to him

Still can’t get over Idris Elba being in this

THATS NOT THE MELODY OF MUNGOJERRIE AND RUMPLETEAZER

What have thEY DONE TO THE MELODY GOOD GOD

AND THE RHYTHM THEY DESTROYED THE SONG

Oh. Hey that’s pretty neat choreo though

“I bought that for her myself” “hey” “what?”

My brain is rebelling because it’s not right at all in anything I remember

Did Misto just pull a whole femur from his hat

STOP THAT. MISTO LOOKS LIKE A CLOSETED TWINK STUCK IN A STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIP

is he wearing eyeliner

GROWLTIGER IS BACK

I don’t actually know his song so this is new to me

Jenny and Bustopher being comedic relief hurts because they’re not funny

Munk “where have you been?!” Is there a love triangle happening. What happened to Demeter

Also his voice in Deuteronomy is actually really nice

“Sits in the suuun” that was beautiful oh god

Deut looks more like how I imagined Grizz would look

IS THAT DAME JUDI DENCH

I bet she regrets ever saying yes after this.

What cat is randomly wearing a crow skull around their neck. Is that a witch’s cat

JUDI DENCH CAN’T YOU ACTUALLY SING? WHY ARE YOU STRUGGLING

Why are you singing Munk’s line

Oh the Jellicle ball is next let’s go Andy show me that awesome choreo

Asparagus are you okay

Tempo doesn’t exist in this movie does it

Neither does rhythm or time keeping

IS THAT MY BOY SKIMBLESHANKS

Twirly boy Munk

Munk really just wants to be topped doesn’t he

WhAT WAS THAT TWITCHING AND THE PANTING

Andy I love you man but the traditional and classic choreo would’ve worked just as fine

Skimble and Munk being gay

what happened to Plato and why is there something going on with Misto

TUGGER YOU HAD A MOMENT YOU COULD HAVE INTERRUPTED

Ah okay I understand why that happened. No mating dance or slumber party

Cats wearing shoes disgusts me more than the toes

POINTE WITHOUT POINTE SHOESSSS GROSS

honestly? Jellicle ball is disappointing. They just cut the ten minutes of amazing dancing down to like four.

I don’t like the heavy breathing. That’s not something that was ever necessary.

Okay, the end worked okay with the big synchronized dances.

I’m ready for this Memory rendition. Already getting chills.

Those are very human hands

Oh keep with the rhythm I beg of you

Ooh altered verse

Wait that’s jennifer Hudson???

Oh we just removed a whole verse, bridge, and chorus didn’t we.

Sweet moment? See I like Vic reaching for Grizz

Vic gets a song??? Ooh intrigued

I like her voice

I’m going to cry this song is sad and I’m glad she gets a story

Though it’s kind of “you think your life is hard? Mine’s worse” feeling after Memory

Awww I’m gonna cry what a sweetheart what a lovely dear protect her

Ugh meaning of happiness. I hate this song no matter who sings it.

Wait what happened to Rumpus Cat song :( the battle of the pekes and the pollicles

What do you mean you’re about to make the choice

We still have Gus’s song, Misto’s song, and Skimble’s song.

They got Ian McKellen to do this?? How much was he paid

“Cross paws” no stop

Why is Gus singing his own song please don’t

Munk’s face bugs me for some reason

His song always makes me cry for some reason but this is kind of goofy and cute and I love it

Misto in the background is just strange for me

Is he forgetting the words sometimes and mumbling to fill in because goodness

Misto’s so eager to please what a bottom

“Macavityyy” I hate it

Munk starting Skimble’s song has the same energy as Tugger doing Misto’s songs

I’m glad they’ve kept this song the same as it was

Skimble is SO gay oh my god what a classic twink

Oooh I like this addition of the train getting started via tap

I’m actually really liking this rendition and the tap dancing on the the rails

Though the tap continuing when no one is tapping or the rhythm being wrong is uh not good

Such an iconic song and I love the changes in scene

Oh skimble that note was not good

WAIT OKAY THAT WAS MACAVITY’S DOING WITH THE LEVITATION

Oh hi Taylor Swift

Use more breath. Stop doing the pop voice thing. Stop it.

Is Bombi a drug dealer

MISTO BEING TWEAKED ON DRUGS IS THE FUNNIEST GODDAMN THING IVE EVER SEEN IN THIS LIFE

I can say though that what they’ve done to the song is exactly the vibes it needed. Sultry and pushing the boundaries.

Sad there’s not a Demeter.

SORRY MUNK WHAT WAS THAT

I actually rewinded to see what happened there with the martini glass

OKAY MAN NEEDS TO BE TOPPED OH MY GOD

“Green house glass is broken” was changed and that makes me sad

This was a good song for Taylor to show off her vocal prowess but she just didn’t

Why is Macavity naked

Why is he singing his own damn song

PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON

Munk you’re still tweaking out a little

Oh here’s the sleeping orgy

What’s with this drama now with the choice thing

We don’t have Munk’s fight with Macavity. Robbed

VICTORIA YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE TO GET MISTO OUT THERE. IT HAS TO BE TUGGER

If there are no 23 spins, I’ll throw my phone

Munk that’s gay and I’m here for it. Encourage your twink Misto

“Please don’t make me do this” has phantom vibes

Munk that was a lusty look

Where’s the “ooh ahs”

This is weird without Tugger singing it and being an ego for Misto

Tugger come on. Please save this number.

Victoria I swear to god I will beat you

Why do they have one person on the melody in this. And Derulo going through the stratosphere

WHERE IS THE DANCING >:(

That trombone is playing absolutely nothing in the music at all

DON’T YOU DARE KISS HER

oh here’s the fight music

WHY DID WE UNZIP SKIN AGAIN

oh they used the fight music for the escaping of cats

How much longer is there

Oh there’s the daylight reprise thing

I want to die

To the sun, Vic. To the sun.

Munk, Tugger, be respectful. That’s your mother.

Wait that doesn’t work in this universe because Deut is female.

Oh they gave the Asian cat patterns that resemble tiger stripes hmmmm

Why couldn’t they have just filmed an actual stage version and turned that out

Oh that “smile at the old days” was god awful

How much longer oh god

I’m tired man. I wasted 6 bucks on this

Victoria just stealing Jemima’s parts

“Like a flowER as the dawn is breaking”

Okay here it is

OH COME THROUGH QUEEN. WHOLE FILM IS WORTH THIS CLIMAX

Okay so there are some cats wearing clothes and others not. What are the rules for this universe. Are they naked or are they not.

I have not shed a single tear. Usually I have by now from this show. Not a single tear.

Deut X Grizz is still my favorite ship

Is that the intro to Til I Hear You Sing that I hear. Those F to Gm chords Lloyd Webber loves.

Judi Dench stop trying to sing for the love of god.

Ah yes show off that beautiful ballet dancer that plays Vic

Aww Munk bowing to Grizz

Oh so it’s a chandelier this time and not a tire

Where’d Macavity and Bombi go

Oh there he is. What a child. Hate that.

BUSTOPHER CONFIRMED A GAY ICON

Deut being a proud mother to Munk is cute with the hands on the shoulder

Why are we reprising the first song

Also Air balloon.

WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME JUDI DENCH

why are they all staring so intently at her too wait

Munk looks like someone is touching him inappropriately this whole scene.

Munk and Misto looking at each other

MUNK STOPPPP JESUS CHRIST DO YOU NEED TO BE REMOVED FROM THE SITUATION

The choreography doesn’t even match the beat of the song. Huh???

Misto you’re gay stop

Munk and Misto looking at each other and the shy glances away

So Grizz gets hot air balloned to death is that what I’m seeing

Oh it’s over okay

I want to cry.

It’s not as bad as I heard. Once you got used to the way things looked and just let things happen and say it might as well happen, it became a bit more enjoyable.

It’s still god awful though and let’s pray the furries never get ahold of it.

#katetalks #ren live blogs #shitpost #cats #cats 2019 #cats the musical #im so sorrh for sich a long post but thoughts man thoughts

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littleogreboii · 4 years

Text

NYA! KAI FORGOT TO DEFROST THE CHICKEN! Chapter 6: wisdom should come swift with a hot chocolate and not tea *cough* wu *cough*

First | Previous | Next

Summary: Lloyd questions his life choices as a 16 year old, runaway dropout. Kai is pulling ideas out his ass for his Buzzfeed articles, which means he’s doing great. Nya is getting sick and tired of how incompetent her mentor is.

Chapter Summary: Cole and Pixal together are 10 ten times more wise than Wu and Nya will stand by that.

AN: Swearing again woo! There’s the tiniest bit of alcohol in this chapter and a heck of a lot of sex talk. No actual sex though. I really regret not making this a Cole, Pixal and Zane centric fic.

AO3 | FF

Nya doesn’t speak to Jay during the whole car ride. She’s already exploded at her brother, she doesn’t need to explode at Jay too. Besides, Jay’s not her responsibility. Jay has two perfectly good parents at home to yell at him. It helps that Nya can also feel the guilty anxiety radiating off of Jay in waves. She doesn’t say goodbye or thank him for the ride. She simply gets out and slams the door behind her.

She knocks on Pixal’s door and tugs on her hair while she waits. Cole’s the one to answer and god had Nya hoped Pixal was home alone. Cole takes in her appearance for a minute before waving her inside. He leads her straight to the living room where Pixal’s wrapped in a blanket. Pixal immediately rises when she spots Nya.

“Nya?” Pixal rushes forward. “What’s wrong?” And seeing the concern of Pixal’s face becomes Nya’s breaking point. “Oh god, Nya? What happened?” Pixal hesitantly raises a hand to Nya’s cheek.

“I’ll go make some hot chocolate.” Cole suggests, leaving the two girls to talk. He pauses as he hears Nya release another sob. “I’ll make that hot chocolate with rum.”

Once Cole’s gone, Pixal guides Nya to the sofa. “What happened, Nya?” Pixal resists the urge to bounce her foot on the floor. Skylor is usually better when it comes to this sort of thing.

“Kai’s a fucking idiot.” Nya sobs.

“Well that much is obvious.” Pixal smirks. “What’d he do this time?”

Nya scowls. “He nearly set the flat on fire for what? Some stupid article?”

“What a dick.” Pixal leans back resting an arm along the back of the sofa. “You know my offer still stands?”

“Thanks, Pix, but I can’t do that to Kai.” Nya looks up at Pixal and grins through the tears. “Besides, I wouldn’t feel right living in this mansion.”

Pixal scoffs. “How many times do I say that this isn’t a mansion? This might as well be a cottage.”

“Pix, have you ever seen a cottage?” Cole cuts in as he returns with 3 mugs of hot chocolate. He passes one to Pixal and one to Nya.

“Yes!” Pixal replies indignantly.

“Right.” Cole nods as he sits in the arm chair. “Let me rephrase that. Have you ever seen a cottage in person?”

“I fucking hate you.” Pixal scowls.

“Sure. Love you too.” Cole blows a kiss at Pixal. “Anyway, have you given any thought on why Kai’s suddenly become Jay version 2.0?”

Nya frowns. “He’s an idiot?”

“Yeah, but this is Kai we’re talking about. Mr. I’m gonna bottle my feelings until they explode and then get angry at everyone for not noticing my feelings.” Cole raises his voice to imitate Kai.

“A+ Kai impression.” Pixal gives a thumbs up, her mouth barely leaving her mug.

“What are you trying to say?” Nya leans forward.

Cole shifts in his seat. “Well neither of you really got a childhood and working at Buzzfeed? That’s essentially childhood on speed. So Kai’s probably just picked a god awful time to decide he wants a childhood.”

“Most kids don’t nearly burn down their home.” Nya states.

“Most kids aren’t friends with Jay.” Cole points out. “Besides, I never said Kai was aiming for the average childhood experience. He’s aiming for that Buzzfeed manufactured shit.”

She groans. “Oh great, so I’ve just gotta wait for my brother to decide he wants to be an adult?”

“I didn’t say that.” Cole frowns. “It’s more ya gotta remind him there’s better ways to go about it. Like remind him he can be an idiot, but there should still be a couple brain cells at work.”

“How the fuck do I do that?” Nya loves Cole very dearly, but sometimes he sounds like a remixed Wu.

Cole shrugs. “I dunno.” And Cole’s wisdom again fails him at the most crucial point.

“Through sibling bonding.” Pixal suggests, picking up Cole’s slack. “Think about it, when was the last time you and Kai did anything together for fun?”

Nya goes to answer, but Cole cuts her off. “And hangouts with all of us don’t count.”

“Ok, you got me there. But what would we do?” Nya tilts her head.

Pixal furrows her brows. “Something dumb like…” She furrows them further, before relaxing them. “Nope. Sorry. I’m not dumb enough to plan this bit.”

“Go to an arcade or something. Go to maccies. I dunno. Just don’t put too much thought into it.” Cole suggests.

“Arcade and maccies could work.” Nya sips her hot chocolate. “It would be fun to annihilate him at air hockey again.”

Pixal leans forward and places her hands on Nya’s shoulders. “Destroy him.”

Nya nervously laughs. “Ok?” She looks to Cole for help.

Cole rolls his eyes. “Ignore her. Pixal’s just mad that last time we went, Zane beat her.”

Nya smiles. “Ah. I see.”

“Zane cheated.” Pixal states.

“They didn’t.” Cole corrects. “You can’t blame Zane for you being a horny bitch.”

“They were wearing a fitted crop top!” Pixal cries. “How was I meant to focus when they looked that fuckable?”

Cole looks at Nya. “I’ll never forget her face when I owned up to telling Zane to wear that top.”

Pixal scowls. “You also told them to wear those leather jeans!”

“Well yeah. If I’m gonna commit sabotage, I might as well go all out.” Cole shrugs.

Pixal straightens. “That’s it! No sex for a week!”

Cole leans back. “That’s fine by me. I’ll just jerk off in the shower.” Cole smirks. “Or did you forget that sort of thing will only hurt you more than me?”

“I hate you.” Pixal deflates, but rises again. “Ok fine. No kisses for a week.”

Cole jumps up. “No! No! Don’t do this to me! Please, I’ll do anything!”

Pixal looks at Nya. “Men. They’re all idiots.”

Nya smiles. “Amen.” And they clink mugs.

Pixal turns back to Cole. “Beg bitch.”

“Oh hell no!” Nya jumps up. “No! I do not need to see this!”

Pixal laughs. “Your loss.”

Cole sits back down and whispers, “Thank you, Nya.”

Pixal scoffs. “Don’t think you got out of it. We’ll continue this later.”

Nya seems to reach a realisation as she sits back down. “Oh god! I’ve totally intruded on your night. I’m so-”

“Apologise and I will punch you in the face.” Pixal states. “Cole and I were waiting for Zane to finish work.”

Cole nods. “Yeah, besides that all we were gonna do was order Chinese.”

“But this is your date night.” Nya protests.

“So?” Pixal shrugs. “We literally do these every few days and no matter who’s here, Zane and I will end up fucking, and Cole will spoon us afterwards.”

Cole sighs. “What she’s trying to say is that this is probably more awkward for you than us.”

Nya quirks her head. “You two are so weird.”

Cole chuckles. “Believe me. We know.”

“News flash. You’re weird too.” Pixal adds.

“But in all honesty, if you and Zane are gonna be fucking, I’m gone.” Nya states.

Pixal nods. “That’s fair.”

Cole gets up. “Come on. We’ll take you home.”

Pixal frowns. “Wait, I have to come too?”

“Yes. Now get up.” Cole smirks.

“You’re a villain, Cole Brookstone.” Pixal gets up and points at Cole. “You hear me? A villain.”

Nya laughs. “You two are so cute.”

Pixal tilts her head. “Geez Cole, how much rum did you put in her hot chocolate? It’s almost like Nya just laughed.”

“You’re a little shit, you know that right?” Cole ruffles Pixal’s hair, before pulling her into her side. They look into each other’s eyes and Cole leans down so they can touch heads.

Nya resists the urge to melt into a puddle. “That was fucking adorable!”

“Right, home time, Nya.” Cole guides her to the door.

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squidpro-quo · 5 years

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A/N: because i fall down the dance youtube rabbithole sometimes and find videos that make me want to write a dance au for Kaishin, feat. heels

“Anything new today?” Shinichi asked Heiji, using the question as an excuse to lean down into a stretch that pulled at his thighs. Warm-up was the best time for gossip, when you weren’t out of breath yet but had an excuse to go slow, swaying from one correspondent to the other in a daisy chain of information that had a chance of being as unreliable as a game of telephone. But that didn’t stop anyone.

“Word is it’s Kuroba,” Heiji hissed back, arms locked above his head as he limbered up in his usual getup of loose sweatpants and a hoodie. His chosen outfit always baffled Shinichi, who preferred his arms and legs to feel less weighed down but to each their own. Loosening up his shoulders, he considered the answer in between windmills and watched their reflections in the mirrored wall.

Kaito had been working on something for a while, staying late in the all-use studio room and nursing his ankles some days later. All of his pieces ended up a surprise, something a little unbelievable and unexpected but still containing the core of his style, the moves that made up who he was as a dancer. Shinichi doubted it would be any different this time.

Glancing across the room, he immediately found Kaito’s hunched form rooting around in his bag with his usual black leggings already on and balancing on bare feet with one hand buried in his hair.

“Oi! You going to pull a rabbit outta that bag in your next piece, Kuroba?” Heiji called across the room, cutting through the chatter in Ran’s corner with the strength of one oblivious to the appropriate volume used for discrete conversation.

Kaito flapped a hand behind his back, switching the other from scratching his head to yanking a scarf out of the depths of his bag.

“It was worth a shot, I swear I saw a straight-up bird in his pocket one time, you gotta believe me.” Apparently giving up on getting any response, Heiji turned back to Shinichi and slapped a hand on his shoulder. “You gonna manage to keep it together for today, Kudo?”

“I didn’t ‘swoon’ as you put it. Ran moved and I lost my balance, you know how she can get when she isn’t paying attention.”

“Coulda sworn you just got blown away by a certain pair of legs, but that mighta just been me.”

Shinichi ignored Heiji’s teasing grin, pulling his knee up to his chest and continuing his stretches, sneaking a glance across to where Kaito was somehow still working on pulling the same scarf out of his bag. He just wanted to work on a few new steps today and avoid any embarrassing mishaps, and forget about the past ones too, if Heiji would let him. If he could just get through the session without getting distracted then maybe he could convince Heiji, and perhaps himself, that it was a passing phase. It was one thing to sneak glances, to say he was just looking for what forms Kaito was doing during practices, what flourishes he always added, but with how his own steps faltered sometimes it was starting to become a problem, one he should nip in the bud.

“Alright, time to start,” Haibara called out from where she was leaning against Ran’s shoulder, watching the clock like a hawk. If she weren’t there to keep them on track, Shinichi wondered if they’d ever get started during their allotted time. There were other groups that wanted to use the studio, they were lucky to get a slot in the first place.

Shinichi straightened up, pulling in a deep breath as he fell back to where he’d left off last time. And not the staring part, but his own piece. His eyes wandered of their own accord, just a quick look before he turned away. And Kaito was making a beeline for him, something black and tangled in his hand, eyes catching Shinichi’s immediately.

Kaito smiled, hand finding its way into his hair again as he rocked onto the balls of his feet in front of Shinichi and asked.

“Would you help me with something today?”

“Sure,” Shinich answered fast, almost before Kaito had finished speaking and nodded in case his affirmative hadn’t been clear enough. “What is it?”

“I need a partner, some of the moves I’m doing are a little difficult to pull off without some… support.”

Shinichi’s mind ran through about half a dozen options, trying to figure out what kinds of lifts Kaito could possibly be asking him to do. Or maybe it was spins? He didn’t really take Kaito for much of a ballet person, though he might know the basics.

Kaito held up his hand, a strap coming loose and falling against the inside of his wrist as Shinichi saw the high heels in his grip. Taller than kitten heels but not exactly stilettos, Shinichi’s first thought was that wearing them would give Kaito an inch or two on him, a perspective he hadn’t considered before.

“Oh,” he managed to say. Even as Kaito balanced on one foot to slide the heels on in one practiced move, Shinichi knew this was going to be bad for his health. They were in a dance group together, that much was true, but he’d only ever danced with Kaito during their basics practices, some waltzes and such. But this was tickling all of his buttons already, watching Kaito stand up and tap the toe of his shoe against the floor and settle a heel rivaling a knife-blade down onto the parquette floor.

“Here, I’ll give you the music. It’s a remixed swing number so I’ll lead with the steps, you’ve got the rest right?”

Shinichi wasn’t about to admit he might not.

“Yeah, I’ve got it.”

The moment their hands touched, Kaito’s hand in his and his other tentatively laid on Kaito’s waist, was when Shinichi knew that he wasn’t going to make it through the experience. The music started off with a jaunty saxophone, Kaito snaked a hand over his shoulder and they were off. Shinichi knew the steps but Kaito’s quick squeeze along his shoulderblade steered him to the left, aware over the hours of couples dances with Ran that he needed to follow the cues given to him even if technically he was supposed to be leading.

But really, if he’d been leading he couldn’t have paid as much attention to the way Kaito’s hips swayed and that would have been a crying shame. He’d expected the heels to sound out a sharp, staccato rhythm but Kaito moved with enough ease to keep his steps to a soft tapping akin to raindrops.

Their movements picked up a bit of speed as Shinichi grew more used to the rhythm of the steps and the way he could smell the snow and chocolate on Kaito’s breath each time they shared a glance. It almost threw him off with the first inhale. And even though he knew it was good form to keep your gaze up and away from your feet, but expecting him to ignore the way Kaito’s eyes were framed by his dark fringe and pinched at the edges as he smiled at such close quarters would have been hard for anyone in Shinichi’s position. Or so he believed.

Kaito stepped around him, hand sliding along his back and affording him a view of them in the mirror over Kaito’s shoulder; his own soft soccer shorts that Ran teased him for wearing to dance practice and left his knees bare mixing with Kaito’s slender black-clad legs. And that was even before he could fully take in the heels. He couldn’t even put his finger on what his fascination with them was, but as he watched them move so quickly and effortlessly that he was mesmerized he couldn’t imagine anyone wearing them this well. But maybe he was biased.

The music had faded into the background, there enough to give him a chance at keeping the rhythm but he was concentrating on other things now. Where their bodies brushed together, hands skirting along a waist or shoulder as they changed positions. Shinichi reeled Kaito toward him in a spin, Kaito turning on a dime as smooth as a spindle of silk while his smile flashed with each quick rotation.

“Don’t let go.” Kaito’s soft murmur was all the warning he had before he felt the telltale weight settle on him as Kaito fell into his arms in a dip. He’d done them countless times, with Ran, with Haibara, even with Heiji for a laugh, but this felt a little different. Kaito’s face hung below him, maybe flushed from their fast pace or for the same reason Shinichi could feel the heat across his cheeks; and one leg hooked around Shinichi’s calf, that needle-thin heel a hard line he could feel pressing into his skin and setting him aflame.

They stayed suspended for a bar, two, the music moved on and Shinichi still felt Kaito’s chest rising and falling in his hold.

“Support enough for you?” he asked, swinging Kaito back upright after another beat that had begun to fade in his ears. Their dance together was over too fast for his taste, although his own stuttering heart might not have been able to take it for much longer and he wished he could think of a reason to do it again.

“For now, yes,” Kaito said, hand warm in Shinichi’s cold fingers while the rest of the studio came back into focus; Ran and Haibara’s salsa dominating their corner of the room, while Heiji’s hip-hop music filtered through his earbuds even from several feet away. “Anything I can do to return the favor?”

Shinichi could think of a few, lots that didn’t involve dancing at all and some that involved the heels Kaito was loosening. He didn’t have any pair dances to use as an excuse for another go around, he couldn’t exactly claim to forget the steps to a waltz and as much as he would love to test his blood pressure against a tango he wasn’t exactly at the level above ‘fumbling through it’ just yet.

Mind spinning in place faster than he’d ever managed during his ballet years, Shinichi watched as Kaito seemed to unlace the thin ties around his ankles so slowly he wouldn’t be done before the end of their session. But it mercifully gave him the time to stumble upon an idea, his brain slowing to a stop in triumph.

“Teach me how to dance in heels,” he blurted out, fingers catching at the strings dangling from his shorts while he waited for Kaito’s reply.

Kaito considered him from where he was crouched in the middle of sliding one of his heels off, eyes narrowed even as a grin played at the edge of his mouth.

“You’ll have to buy your own pair, I don’t have any spares. But sure! I’m sure with your calves, it’ll be a piece of cake,” Kaito finally said, gesturing to Shinichi’s shins with an appreciative smirk.

“Does the favor extend to going shopping for some?” Shinichi ventured.

Kaito didn’t take as long to answer this time and stood up with a quick nod.

“Only if you’re buying the coffee on the way. I need some sugar during search.”

“But coffee…” Shinichi thought of his own bitter, black preference even as Kaito interrupted.

“There’ll be plenty in mine. Let’s go.” Kaito gestured over his shoulder as he started back to his bag, still wrapped in several layers of colorful coils of scarf, and dropped the heels into its depths before pulling on his socks and snowboots.

Shinichi looked over at where Ran had Haibara’s attention tied down rather effectively and checked the clock.

“Oi, Kudo!” Heiji’s not-as-soft-as-it-could-have-been voice came from behind him, “Ya didn’t swoon this time!”

Shinichi rushed to leave the studio before Heiji could shout his secrets over the sound of his own music any longer, although if the way Kaito’s arm twined around his own was any indication, he might say it didn’t matter anymore.

I’m open for requests!

#dcmk #Kuroba Kaito #Kudou Shinichi #kaishin #detective conan #kaito kid #My writing #i don't know what this au is but i like shinichi doing soccer and also dancing cause mmm those thighs #kaito thinks so too

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rkyeosang · 5 years

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˟ mga season 5 … episode two // skill challenge. trivia:love < 0:00 - 1:48 >

yeosang is feeling a strong sense of deja vu.

he’s been feeling it ever since he’d auditioned-- but he feels it strongest as he sits on the floor, in between the couch and his coffee table, dubu resting half in his lap and half on the hard wood floor. his eyes are fixed on the tv where he’d just flashed by in the blink of an eye-- and it was a weird experience as always... hearing his voice and seeing himself on tv.

there’s an odd mix of feelings, sitting heavy on his chest-- partial elation, partial dread, but most of all is his brain taking on that automatic response of kicking itself into overtime to figure out his next steps.

his hands absentmindedly stroke thick white fur, fingers scratching in between dubu’s ears as he lets out a long, soft sigh.

“alright, buddy... what next?”

every time yeosang thinks he’s all out of bitter feelings, he manages to surprise himself. and that’s the thought stuck in the forefront of his mind as he stares at the box next to his door that had laid untouched for the last two weeks, since he’d lugged it up the stairs on his birthday.

it’s become a sort of doorside table, actually, the cloth being one of his old jackets he threw over it and his keys and wallet and other random things lying haphazardly on the top. slowly, he walks over to it and removes his belongings, patting off the nonexistent dust. his fingers hover at the edges of the tape, eyes dull before his hands drop to his sides.

instead, he heaves as he bends over and picks it up, a curious dubu trotting at his heels as he kicks open the door to his room and carefully sets the box down by his closet.

it’s not much-- but it’s progress.

with one last look at it, he shuts his bedroom door behind him and returns to his living room full of his music sheets and ripped notebook papers of lyrics. but he sits down and organizes the last ones he’d been working on-- the screen of his laptop reflecting in his eyes as he finally decides on his song choice.

just like the last time-- yeosang wanted to do his best to capture people’s attention while staying true to his own feelings and his own sound. it’s not something he thinks people would expect from him--

but yeosang is tired of bitter. and this feels right.

...

even still... the day of recording comes and yeosang’s hands shake. his fingers are twitchy, his eyes are unfocused and his heartbeat is too loud inside of his chest. his solace is sia’s presence beside him, and the feeling of her hand warm in his whenever she can sense his distress.

and he calms down further when he checks his phone-- sees the last messages of encouragement he’d gotten from hongjoong. a gentle feeling of ease washes over him and he clutches the phone in his hand as if in consolation, thumb hovering over the blue and gray bubbles as the screen fades to black.

and he tries to focus more on the other performances this time-- not really to check out his competition and what he’s up against, but more to really gauge the other contestants’ talents, because he’s interested-- because he likes watching other people perform ( just... not as much as he loves performing ). even so, they go by quickly, and before he knows it, his name is being called.

#5019, kang yeosang, please come to the stage.

“my name is kang yeosang, i’ll be performing original lyrics and a remixed arrangement.”

yeosang holds the microphone to him, devoid of a stand for this particular performance. and he’s dressed more casually today as opposed to the all black he’d been appearing in for the past few rounds. in a white bomber jacket, black shirt, and light wash blue ripped jeans, he’s hoping to deliver his serious message with a much less serious vibe-- a song that’s enjoyable to listen to.

his head starts to bob as the instrumental begins, a smile on his lips from the start-- and he’s sure that this in itself shocks the people that have seen him perform before. he clears his throat, stance relaxed as he breathes the lyrics into the microphone.

is this love, yeah is this love, yeah sometimes i know, yeah sometimes i don't, yeah

“the next line, what should i write? so many words are circling me, but i don’t like single one.” yeosang paces back and forth across the stage, his hand pushing his bangs out of his face as he delivers the lyrics clearly and fluidly through the microphone. his tone is firm but his expression remains unbothered, the tone and melody of the song contrasting with the heavier meaning lyrics.

and the story he tells this time is a vague one-- of a push and pull relationship between a mother and son without explicitly stating either role. it’s lyrics full of doubt but painted over this cheery, easy going vibe.

it’s a catharsis of sorts as he reaches the chorus-- it’s the end of his regret.

난 그냥 사람, 사람, 사람 넌 나의 모든 모서릴 잠식 나를 사랑, 사랑, 사랑 으로 만들어 만들어

“i live so i love, i live so i love,” yeosang bounces across the stage, hoping his energy is infectious as he rocks back and forth with the beat, moving his body with whatever feels right in the moment.

he dives right into the second verse, and this is the epiphany-- the second verse a tale of forgiveness, but cerainly not of forget. his expression is a little bit more solemn, and his movements have restricted to hand movements as he focuses on the judges fully-- he’d been glancing at them and the other members of the audience throughout the performance.

but he finishes his verse abruptly, like he’d rehearsed, with emphasis and ends with a final

“if it’s love, i will love you.”

his breath comes a bit harsher, the beads of sweat gathering at the corners of his temples as he fixes his eyes on the judge panel one last time. he bows his head down, microphone held tightly between his hands.

at the very least, it feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest. and he feels like he’s shown another side of him again, along with his display of skill.

he straightens up again, lips curling into a slightly shyer smile as he raises the microphone to his lips one more time,

“thank you.”

#rkmga5skill #rkmga5 #ys.solo #(( yeo is: struggling ))#(( yeo imma write u a hardcore rap les do dis... o no? ok das cool too aight ))

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daniloqp · 3 years

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7 best sounds to sleep (2021): rainy landscapes, white noise machines and more

https://theministerofcapitalism.com/blog/7-best-sounds-to-sleep-2021-rainy-landscapes-white-noise-machines-and-more/

On ships a in southeast Alaska, they call it “like a diesel.” The smooth whirlpool of the boat’s engines combines with the rolling sea and oil water, making it possible for you to reach some of the best zs you’ve ever caught, on a fishing boat or otherwise. When I was a camp advisor at Sitka Fine Arts Camp, I discovered the joy of diesel coma. Some of the best naps I’ve ever had have been trips between islands.

At the beginning of the pandemic, my latent desire to help sleep at home increased me to the absolute necessity. Jo it had to distract me from the thoughts of the races after sunset. Without a large body of open water and a couple of diesel V-8s, I looked the next best: the echo point with a clock. I scrolled through various sleep sound options, but to no avail. None of them felt real enough, natural enough, that they could put me to sleep.

Finally, I found out Rainforest Sounds by Voice Apps, LLC. It is a layered soundscape built on a gentle stream. You hear the birds chirping, the low squeak of an owl and other relaxing sounds in a combination that catches your attention and then does nothing. Upon hearing Rainforest Sounds, my brain becomes inside the white room where God stays in the movies. Whenever I need something to help me sleep, it’s the first thing I turn on.

This got me thinking: what do they use to get the other members of the WIRED Gadget Lab going? During one of the recent WIRED Gadget Lab weekly meetings, I mentioned my beloved Rainforest Sounds and received a wide range of special sounds from other people. So, without further ado, here are the sounds we like to fall asleep to, from traditional favorites to more quirky options.

If you are looking for a speaker to hear the sounds of sleep, we recommend the smart little speakers from Amazon and Google. They cost less than $ 100 and easily offer enough fidelity to emulate plays, fans, and other distracting noises. Don’t forget to consult our buying guides The best Bluetooth speakers and the The best wireless headphones too. Do you have your own hyperspecific favorite to send you a postponement? We would love to know in the comments.

If you buy something through links to our stories, we may earn a commission. This helps support our journalism. Learn more.

Rainforest Sounds by Voice Apps

Amazon

For over a year, my favorite sleep sound that made me sleep uses the soft sounds of nature. The combination of running water, bird calls and buzzing bedbugs makes me feel like I’m camping. I also like that it’s a super long loop, about an hour, but that it fades between introduction and out, so you’ll never wake up to a quick change of sound. “Park Hall.”

Rainy landscapes

iOS, Android

This pointless application allows you to choose between different rain sounds. You can opt for a storm, a rain shower on a rooftop and a couple of other options. It is a good free alternative to the also excellent Rainy Mood app ($ 3). —Louryn Strampe

ASMRplanet

YouTube

Looking ASMR videos falling asleep can increase tingling tolerance, making it harder to get the same feeling of relaxation. Stumbling on this channel was lucky. Sophie, the creator, makes aesthetically pleasing videos focused on crafts, nostalgia, makeup, and hours of plastic tapping sounds. The ASMR is a saturated space, but these videos certainly comfort me. —Louryn Strampe

Times End II

Spotify

Sometimes, I need a little atmosphere to fall asleep, to get my brain to a specific place, a specific atmosphere. One of my favorites is the album End of time II on Spotify. It consists of music remixed from The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, the deliciously bizarre follow-up to the success of the N64 game Ocarina of time. It is grumpy, dark, and has the occasional mixed forest sound. It doesn’t let me sleep as much as it takes me to a place as soft, dark and safe as a bed of moss inside the Great Deku Tree. “Jess Gray.”

Box Fan Sound

Spotify

During a three-week trip to Asia, my partner and I missed the box fan we usually leave while we sleep. We played this reliable and realistic loop for eight hours every night. Spotify Wrapped even said it was my best song of the year. Professional Tip: Use the cross-fade setting to avoid awkward pauses when starting the “song.” —Louryn Strampe

White Noise Ambience Lite

iOS, Android

While I love hearing rain or birds outside my window, I’m not a fan of the fake versions that are often offered on sound machines. But you also had to filter out all the noise that goes on in apartment buildings. So I found the White Noise Ambience Lite app. It has your classic options, like ocean waves and bedbugs, but there’s also the crunch of a vinyl record and my personal favorite, a clothes dryer. It’s just the right amount of noise to block everything else and put me to sleep. “Medea Giordano.”

From product review partner Matt Jancer to the rest of the WIRED family, many swear by the choices in our white noise machine guide. Our best selection, the LectroFan Classic ($ 50), has a surprisingly sophisticated range of pink, brown and white noise. It even has the ability to go up to a whopping (but still safe enough so as not to damage your ears at night) 85 decibels of distraction.

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dreamin-of-somewhere-else · 7 years

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I’d Live Them All The Same

Hello mates! You know I love angst, and, well, it just happened to be Angst Appreciation Day today, so yeah ;)

Characters: Older sister Winchester!reader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, John Winchester [mentioned], other members of the Winchester/Campbell family.

Words: 2400+

Warnings: Broken reader, implied depression, just overall bad mental health. If you think about what Sam and Dean’s been through, it’s not far of a stretch from the show, but just know that it’s angsty (not the most angsty thing I’ve written though, sorry.)

A/N: I feel like I got a positive response to some of my older sister stuff I did a while back, and I also just got some older sister angst feels, so yeah, here you go. Also, there’s a couple of paragraphs (and title) taken from this song: Circles (MNG Remix) - Eden Project. If you want, listen to it while reading this, it builds up the angst ;)

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If I told you how this story end,

Would you change a step you take?

And if I could relive all of my days,

I'd live them all the same.

'cause I'm scared, of all that I don't know,

'cause I want it all but all of it ain't gold.

And I'm scared, but I know it's not for long

'cause I'm learning what I should've long before.

You sat on the carpet clad floor of the dark motel room, right by the door. It was the middle of the night, but it wasn’t not quiet — your brothers’ steady breaths filled the room, filled you up with calmness. You clutched the shotgun tighter, and the cold metal of the barrel your hands were wrapped around was slowly getting warmer by the heat you were exuding. You’re 24 years old and you’re the protector of this family. Always had been, and always will be.

You couldn’t sleep. You’d tried. But the anxiety kept you awake and you just had this bad feeling that the creaking motel door would flung open any second to reveal someone or something that was there to kill your little brothers. Maybe you were being paranoid, or maybe you weren’t — but the idea had crept into your head, latching on and making its way into every single one of your thoughts, making sure that you ended up in the same place every time; the door and the possibility of it being forced open.

So now you sat here, trying to keep your heart from hammering in your chest. Listening to your brothers’ breathing helped though. Not only could you try to match your own with their even rhythm, but it was also a very appreciated reminder that your brothers were fine, comfortable and asleep.

’Take care of your little brothers, (Y/N).’

You were the protector, and so far, you had done a pretty okay job at it. Sure, you could’ve done it a thousand times better, because both of them had gotten hurt before — there had been several trips to the hospital. Things had happened, a broken leg here, a concussion there, internal bleedings, nearly-drownings — the list went on. Things that you, no matter how many years had passed since then, still were beating yourself up about. Things that you sometimes doubted that your brothers even remembered themselves, but that you could not let yourself forget. You kept track of every single one of them, but when it came to your own injuries, it was all a blur.

But, considering the dangers you exposed yourself to in your extraordinary lifestyle, you had gotten by better than expected. Better than most would have. That’s what the logical part of your brain was telling you, at least. The other part — the winning part — was waiting for something to happen.

And this way of thinking — it was wearing on you, and it had been for years. It was consuming your entire being, seeping its darkness into every moment. In fact, you never fully relaxed. You could watch your brothers joke around, and you could play with, but your senses were always on overdrive, almost. You never fully relaxed. And it was tiring.

Sometimes, you wondered if they noticed. Being 22 and 18, they sort of were adults — although to you, they would always be kids. They weren’t as innocent as you would have hoped them to be, but even though you tried, you couldn’t protect them from knowledge about what lurked in the night — you were only a child yourself, and it was your dad’s wish, so you couldn’t do much. Sometimes, you asked yourself if they noticed that you were falling apart, because that’s what you felt like. Like the dam would break. But then again, the facade you put up was convincing. It was perfected, in all fairness. Spotless, almost. Polish and strong, and not at all like the other side of you. Not at all like who you were when you let it all unravel at night when they were asleep. Whenever you were with them, you put on this faux calmness, this casual, happy aura, because you knew that made them feel safe — and maybe you felt safer too.

Because maybe that act made you believe that maybe you could do this, maybe you could keep them safe. You loved them to bits and pieces, you loved them way more than you loved yourself, more than you loved life. In a heartbeat, in a split second, without a question, without thinking about it — you would die for them. Without a doubt.

But you knew, you knew, deep down in your heart, that it wouldn’t be the case. No matter how hard you tried, you most likely would not be able to keep them safe. You were too weak, and meanwhile it felt like the whole wide world was after them. And well, you too, but you didn’t care about yourself. Sam and Dean were what was important. Sam, with his bright hazel eyes, wispy bangs, youthful dimples, admirable determination and enormous heart. Dean, with his soulful green ones, his freckles that were dusted over his cheeks, those dark blond strands, his fierce loyalty along with his pretty-gigantic-heart as well. They deserved the absolute world.

And how you wished you could travel back in time. How you could somehow stop your father from becoming a hunter, or even better, stop the demon from entering Sam’s nursery that night in ’83. Heck, maybe even travel back to your grandparents’ time and persuade them to shelve the gun and quit hunting, to never raise your mom into it. Because in this life, everyone died before their due-date, so to say. It was just a matter if you were 20, 30 or 40 when it happened. How long would you make it, that was the question. You wished that you could protect them from the life. Although, maybe you could try to talk them into leaving. Leaving hunting, leaving your dad, and maybe even leave you, if that was the ticket that would get them a safe life surrounded by a family of their own. You knew how your story would end — in death — but maybe that didn’t have to be the case for them?

If I told you how this story ends,

Would you change a step you take?

Even though you thought about it every day, you didn’t know how often they did. They were most likely aware, they were bright your little brothers, but maybe they denied it. If you knew Dean right, he probably did. Or at least he tried to make it seem that way. As for Sam, as brooding he could be, probably spent some more time contemplating it, but you didn’t know for sure. Maybe they still had dreams and hopes. You wanted them to.

And if I could relive all of my days,

I'd live them all the same.

No matter how much horror you had experienced in your fairly short lifetime, you still wouldn’t change it. Because you had them, and that’s all you needed.

You took a deep breath, trying to calm down. The room was warm and lacking precious oxygen — because in all honesty, it was a stretch to fit three young adults in a small motel room. Hell, there weren’t enough beds, so you slept on the couch, if you could sleep, that is. Despite all this, shivers ran through your exhausted body, creating goosebumps and making the little hairs in the back of your neck stand up as a finishing touch.

Rubatosis — it was a word which’s meaning you learned the other day; ’the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.’

That’s kind of what you were feeling like right now. Your body was trembling. You were beyond tired, but your head was buzzing and it just wouldn’t let you relax. If the noise wouldn’t wake your brothers, you would have banged the back of your head against the wall.

If you were to be straightforward, honest with yourself, you kind of just wished someone would hold onto you. After all, the thing was that you looked out for Dean. You looked out for Sam. Well, for your dad too at times. Sometimes you wondered who looked out for you.

You wouldn’t admit it, no. But the truth was that it would be nice — although, it only further proved that you were, in fact, weak. You shouldn’t need that, shouldn’t wish for it.

You just felt so alone. Alone in a room filled with your family. You just wanted to feel calm and safe and sleep, but at the same time, it didn’t feel like you would survive the night.

Somewhere, far away, you thought you heard your name. It seemed muffled, almost as if you were underwater and it came from above the surface.

(Y/N).

There, you heard it again.

You frowned slightly, confused. What happened? What was going on? Everything was sort of fuzzy and you felt a little out of it, even you could tell that. You wanted to open your eyes, but they felt so heavy that you remained in darkness.

”(Y/N)?”

And then you realized; it was Dean voice. He was calling on you, trying to get your attention — something was wrong. Maybe something got into the room and maybe —

Your eyes shot open, a breath got stuck in your throat and then you couldn’t breath at all. And if it felt like your heart was pounding before; it now felt like it would jump out of your chest, bursting through your ribcage, landing on the floor. If you had been connected to a heart monitor at this moment, it would have given out such a screeching noise you probably would have gone deaf.

Your whole body froze, and you couldn’t move. Your wild, round, wide eyes darted through the room — now alight with morning sunshine — until they found green, moss green.

”Shit, (Y/N), I’m sorry.” Dean’s voice was laced with worry. ”I-I just wanted to wake you, you looked so uncomfortable… Oh god, you’re not going to have a heart attack or something, are you?”

Your eyebrows knotted as you blinked forcedly, trying to keep the room from spinning.

”W-what?” You stammered.

”I found you asleep on the floor, a-and I just thought we could move you to something more comfortable — you could take my bed…” His voice died down, as he realized he was rambling.

So you’d fallen asleep after all, how you didn’t know. You kept on blinking, trying to get used to the light. You tried to breath, you tried to get your pulse to go down to a more normal, healthy rate. You almost felt like you would pass out.

You only barely noticed that Dean dropped to his knees, sinking fully down to your level, where you were scattered on the floor, still with your back leaning against the wall.

Then, he gently placed his hands on the sides of your face, forcing you to look at him. Your eyes found his green ones again.

”It’s okay, (Y/N), I’m here. You’re safe.” He looked a little spooked, this wasn’t the big sister he was used to — his big sister always knew what to do and had things under control — but he showed that away, and handled the situation gently, calmly, and overall: well.

You swallowed, and never broke the stare. Time passed, you didn’t know how much, but it didn’t matter — you didn’t have the energy to think about that. Meanwhile, Dean softly rubbed his thumbs across your cheeks, but you didn’t really think of it — in fact, your mind was almost completely blank.

When your heartbeat had slowed down enough that Dean wasn’t scared for your health, scared to touch you and make things worse — he wrapped his arms around you; tightly. You found yourself pressed against his chest, your cheek against his collarbone, your legs in an awkward position and his head placed on top of yours. You felt paralyzed, but for the first time — for as long as you could remember — you felt sort of safe. Protected. Warm. He was fisting your shirt in his hands, and it kept you grounded. You weren’t okay, you had to admit — but you felt as you could get there, or at least closer.

Your eyes stung and you almost wanted to cry — but you couldn’t do that, you had some self-control left. Or maybe, it was just such a basic facility that it just wasn’t possible. You hadn’t cried in front of your brothers since you were a kid yourself and it was just such an alien and uncomfortable thought. So, you shoved the tears that wanted out away, hiding every sign they ever were there — but for some reason, you just felt as Dean could tell anyway.

Dean never let go, he didn’t even loosen his grip, and you were so thankful for that. Maybe this was your salvation, and you were lucky he found you because you would have never been able to ask for it yourself. Although, now you could tell you had needed it.

After a while you heard another pair of soft footfalls traveling across the carpet — and you knew it was Sam. He leaned against and slid down the wall until he was seated on the floor next to you and Dean, moving away the shotgun you had dropped besides you. The next thing you was aware of was how he placed a light kiss against the top of your head.

Sometime after that, he quietly spoke up.

”You’re so strong, (Y/N). But you don’t have to be all the time. It’s okay.”

You felt silly and a wave of disappointment aimed at yourself washed over you. You hadn’t kept it together, and now Sammy, the youngest of you all, had to reassure the person that was supposed to look out for him, that it would be okay. The person who was supposed to tell him that instead.

You couldn’t lie to yourself, you weren’t nearly as strong as you pretended to be. But then again, maybe no one was.

You were worried your brothers would be uncomfortable. Maybe they would wonder who the girl in front of them was, because it sure as hell wasn’t their sister. But they didn’t seemed to mind at all. Maybe, just maybe, it was because the roles had been reversed so many times before — all the times before.

The three of you just sat there for a long time, and you never managed to say anything. At most, you nodded. You just listened to Dean’s heart beating in his chest, feeling Sam gently play with your hair. Feeling the warmth and the love. They seemed to understand, and you wondered what you did to deserve them.

After some time, things began to feel a bit fuzzy again, but in a much more pleasant way this time around. You felt your eyelids droop, and the last thing you were aware of was someone lifting you up, and then how your face met an endlessly soft pillow.

Then you let yourself drift away into a dreamless sleep.

Tags: @winchesters-favorite-girl @jensen-jarpad @straightasdeanwinchester @evyiione @samanddeanshotsis @darkestgrungeuniverse @fabulouslycassie @delessapeace-blog @mariairwin666 @1amluke @saveprettydays @cookee50 @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @infamati--et--obliterati @stillcooli0 @sammysbeanie @jamric @deepbreathssammy @extreme-supernatural-lover @lemonadegazeelle @mogaruke @winchestersmut @i-kdog-posts @steve-rogcrs @wordshowers @27bmm @jjsoccer11 @ivebeenraisedfromperdition @bluecookiesandbooks @disappointeddinosaur @nicolevanderstar @frayedphan @jared-jensen-misha-are-lovelyy @straightestgay-voice @legend-o-zelda @holysheeppanda @mynameisdesolation @to-stars-and-back @forevershadeddark @stonergirl4life95 @wxnchestervevo @captainemwinchester @rosie-winchester

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weareliminal-blog · 6 years

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Earry Hall is a modern day renaissance man transforming the way we build our community and how we experience music. After several years of working in corporate as a designer, he realized “how much power we have as individuals to shape our own destiny.” This allowed Earry to pave the way for See You Soon; the culmination of years of designing and his desire to unite people with a shared interest in music and fashion.

Now approaching its second year, See You Soon provides events each week including, my personal favorite, TGIM (Thank God It’s Monday) at El Dorado Bar in Downtown LA. What distinguishes these events from the rest is the lack of “VIP sections and bottle service,” which “is no way to build a community, especially for me,” Earry humbly stated as he shook his head. Often times you’ll find yourself dancing alongside celebrities and strangers alike, forgetting the invisible (and literal) barrier society places between the elite and the rest of the world. Even more impressive, the evolving platform anticipates to expand its horizons by collaborating with media giants like Red Bull Music Academy.

Earry credits much of his success not only to being driven, but to his community of friends and family. One of the more prominent influences in his life is his girlfriend and muse, Myra Hasson; graphic designer for Tamara Mellon and DJ. Power couple, am I right or am I right? Moreover, the couple emanates an inexplicable sense of warmth and belonging, which sets the tone for all their events. It’s no wonder why building a “tribe” is the foundation for See You Soon.

What got you into producing/DJing?

My mentor, Ray, is a 70 year old designer, published author, and all around creative. He designed BMWs for 30 years. I remember I told him, “I’m tired of designing bro, you know? I’m jaded.” He said, “Well, you should walk away from design for a little, and try something new.” So I gave myself the freedom to create and learn for myself, and that’s when I started DJing.

Lately I’ve been working on remixes first, like a remix tape. It’ll probably be released in December. I’m also working on a Flying Lotus, Dilla typa’ thing. It’s trappy, soul, Gospel chords, trap percussion, super soulful bass, Pharrell sounds. A lot of what I’ve been making is really colorful, with deep percussion. It’s interesting how it feels.

So you were designing before you got into music?

By trade I’m a designer. I’ve been one for 8-9 years for a several brands. I started this marketing and design firm when I was in college called Urban Anatomy. It was a dope lesson in terms of betting on myself. It gave me the courage and ability to move to New York with a portfolio, and the ability to get clients. I kind of put that away after I got that entrepreneurial experience, and I built a career in corporate, working for companies like Nike, Beats by Dre, and Apple.

Now I have all this knowledge of how Fortune 50 companies run. It’s just dope because when I started See You Soon it was right when I met Myra. We were still friends. She was there for all of it. It’s dope to see what choosing the right companion can do for you. You know, for me it seemed like the perfect storm of support and resources.

What was the inspiration behind See You Soon?

When I lived in New York I had this beautiful community full of creatives, bosses, hustlers, and you know lovers and friends. LA’s social moves so differently than New York’s; LA is huge. Everyone in LA is in their car – like moving boxes. So when I moved here I wasn’t really meeting my community.

So I started a case study called See You Soon three years ago. I started this research about health benefits of having a community, a tribe. I thought, How do we design moments that help people build their community, their tribe? People that live the longest have a close knit community.

I kind of created this formula. I got really good at accumulating value aesthetically through designing and marketing a brand that communicated friendship, coolness. We wanted people to be in a room that are cool, that have taste. Not that they have taste, because taste is our personal definition of beauty, but guess I wanted our definitions to be similar.

Like a collective idea?

Exactly. I wanted people with a common thread to have that same standard of what cool and having taste is. Marketing the event was about Hey, if people think this is dope, then probably a whole bunch of people are thinking the same thing. I officially launched See You Soon 19 months ago, and since then I’ve grown to have a following of 30,000 people.

That’s insane. When we first met I remember you telling me that your following was about 25,000. In a matter of six months it’s grown by 5,000.

Yeah, crazy. I get DMs from people with stories. “I met this guy at your party. We started dating, and we’d go out to your guys’ parties just to dance. We fell in love. We have a son. We talk about you guys all the time.” You know, stories like that. People are meeting their spouse, building their communities, changing their lives by being in a space that’s comfortable for them.

For me it’s all about branding; how you create value around a product. You know, these shoes are ugly, but they’re so valuable – gesturing to his Wolf Grey Nike Air Yeezy 2s. (We interviewed and took photos on different days.) It’s all about branding.

So if you think they’re ugly then why do you rock them? Just because other people place a high value on it monetarily?

Well, they’re valuable culturally, and for me it’s about having a piece of history.

It’s intriguing to me how people place values to things; how it makes them feel. That’s pretty much what pushes any great business. It’s not about how fly that LV belt is. It’s about what it means to wear it, what it represents. I’m a fan of that part. There is an art in storytelling, and you’re telling a story about that object in a way that turns it into a necessity.

My design process isn’t about how it looks. It’s always about how it feels. As a creative in general, the most beautiful art comes from feeling. It’s like when you look at something, how does it make you feel?

I love that you’re all about community, and I know that you don’t like the whole idea of VIP sections. How are you going to prevent that kind of elitist culture from forming within your own community?

Two things: First, I believe that your marketing communicates a very specific language. It’s partially marketing. You never see that frat boy, blow money, I’ll buy you a drink type of person at our functions. Those places exist in LA; that’s because those people get the marketing and identify with it. The tone and music, marketing, and spaces that we occupy all tie into it. Second, we curate our staff so that you feel like you’re at home and welcomed at all times. That’s what I want to try to create consistently for everyone that comes to our parties.

You’re an extremely accomplished person. At any point were you afraid of failure?

Absolutely, but that’s how you know you’re going in the right direction. If you’re not scared, there’s no risk. It’s scary to leave home for the first time, but you have to. It’s only because of comfort that you’re afraid. There’s a point where the initial fear is there, but you can choose to focus on the fear or the adventure. Fear is a choice, actually. Danger isn’t a choice; it’s a reality. Choose wisely what to be afraid of.

That being said, I owe what I have right now to quitting the right things. In addition, the key to success for anything is being vulnerable. If you write an article up, there’s a level of vulnerability to put something out there that’s yours.

How do you get past the mentality that being vulnerable translates into being weak? Because I’m definitely going through that process right now.

Take risks.

We’re taught that vulnerability is weakness, but it’s immense strength. I learned this as I grew older. I’m a 6’4 black guy. In media I’m portrayed, and I see this as well, as dangerous sometimes. In reality, I’m the most loving guy. I could be that guy portrayed in media, but there’s no strength in that.

What does the future look like for See You Soon?

We really just want to turn into a global family. First year is building a base community in a major city. Right now it’s Los Angeles, and that’s the center of the creative conversation. Next is inspiring one-on-one connection through a dinner initiative we’re launching this year. We’re also going to get residencies in other cities, and then launch our first moving festival in the summer.

When I was 30, I was thinking about what I wanted my legacy to be. I realized that my legacy shouldn’t be about me. It should be about connecting people. I remember this quote by Tupac, “I’m not saying I’m gonna change the world, but I guarantee that I will spark the brain that will change the world.” I love that, because I feel that way.

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bronchitisandcigarettes-blog · 7 years

Text

whisperings of you

read some Charles Bukowski if you're into his sort of thing. He's an incredible writer. It's honest and raw and broken. Everything so incredibly beautiful about your writing.That's all. Have a beautiful day and never forget how like the moon you are.

songs to listen to this week:evangelists by gangs of youth.Leo Kalyan - Fingertips (cln remix)halsey - trouble (stripped)broods - recoverytwo door cinema club - next year (RAC remix)

book recommendation: Junot Diaz - This is how you lose her.

Finished it this week. It's absolutely phenomenal. It's about love, written from the perspective of 'the bad guy' who's a love-troubled Dominican man. It's so tragic but so worth the read. I think you'd dig it. ✌

i don't know if you know, but Mary Lambert is taking a spoken word approach to melody in her new album and there's a piece called 'I know girls' - Live on KEXP. give it a watch/listen/minute.it's beautiful and important.

happy saturday from cape town.

I'm in India, and I've seen so many beautiful things in a space of two weeks. The air is heavy, like regret but the people are the happiest I've had the pleasure of seeing. They bathe beneath the moon and under trees wherever possible. I was walking through a forest in manali and came across a crop of weed (they call it Jai, here). The biggest, most green part of India that exists for the people, by the people. It's astonishing. Today I'm going to film on the Ganges River and I don't remember a time in my life where I've been as grateful for the little things as now. The skies are foggy and the sun hides all day until last light, where she screams so loud that your skin feels it running deep - deep like the dimples of the girl I love. It's humid here and I've learnt that people act so primitively in extremity, as if the most natural, innate parts of themselves are let free in the thickness of the day. You should come here, if you haven't, because true beauty like this, has a place for so long before people capitalize on it and make it ugly and sore. Hoping wherever you are, is where you're meant to be. Regards, Rebecca.

Oh oh oh! Songs to listen to this week : michl - when you loved me least. Michl - killed out way to heaven Anne Marie - her cover of Alicia Keys and Kent Jones on 1xtra Wet - don't wanna be your girl*killed our way to heaven. Autocorrect, soz.

today, i realised that for negation of self-sabotage, i need to decide which part of my brain and heart people deserve most. i breathed through today like i do a perfect sunset or a breathtakingly present moon. easily but not without remorse.

thank you for being proud of this community. your words carried such a weight but such light and were beautiful and oh so needed. thank you. from, Rebecca (Cape Town, South Africa)

this weekend, for whatever reason, i almost died at the mercy of my love for ---- (she's great and beautiful and absolutely made the moon). She once told me we love each other differently to how people think we do; "we exist in limbo between lovers and friends"

it killed me . I once told her I loved her under the stars and under influence and she floated away. she's someone I'm okay with loving from a distance because I know my feelings have no space in this limbo. - we're gliding through time on a tiny log and if I try and lean forward to look at her like she's the moon, then we both fall, over and under and won't ever be able to get back on. We'd fall down into the depths of friendship - pure and unadulterated ofcourse, but in this limbo, sometimes, she looks at me like I made the moon too. And i think just those moments might be enough to keep my heart from bleeding. You know? Until next time.

there's something so needed about this message box. i don't think i've ever been more honest. i'm sorry if honesty is sore and too much. i think even when people write privately, like on a blog, there's an audience aspect we wish to negate. i write to you and do that. there's a strange promise made and understood in the quiet of this.

do you ever wonder if you'll be seen. being seen is scary and i think she sees me. but then most days i'm convinced she wouldn't know what my heart looked like if it were packaged differently. sometimes i'm sure she loves me like i love her, but that idea hurts a lot more than her hands on my neck, because if it's true, she's touching him infront of me and hurting me and her. i'll be fine, and i think she'll be fine without me. it's crazy.this is a mess, and so am i.

there are large parts of my soul buried all over the world. an all-seeing one here, a suffocating one with her, a drowning one with me, a dying one with my mother. one day, i hope to gather them all together, have a meeting and love me with all of them. you know?songs to listen to:Sticky fingers - rum rage sticky fingers - feast your eyes sticky fingers - australia street sticky fingers - these girls

so last night, post-shift-pre-bed, when i was about to lock up the restaurant, a drunk mid-forties couples stumbled through the doors. this feeling.this is what i've come to know as gratitude. the man, who's name i'm relieved i don't remember because if i did, i couldn't type this. he shared his secrets so willingly, as if he'd known me his whole life. we spoke through divorce while his partner looked on, and drank more. i refilled her glass more times than i care to admit, just to hold onto one more sacred moment. one more story about his daughter. one more laugh he recalled and one more dream he wouldn't tell me under the harsh light of day.i learned someone well last night, purely based on the premise and understanding that we'd never see each other again.

he had the warmest eyes. they looked like ocean (Side bar: listen to ocean eyes// astronomyy). they were calm but i recognised a fierceness in them that i'd seen before more times than i care to remember in her. they were kind. he spoke about his alter ego- this muzo with dreams of a life devoid of attachment - he's a pisces you see. just like me. he loves everyone too fully to love himself but it's okay. she loves him. so much. with the kind of love that he needs. i remember when she laughed sarcastically and said:"aaah, and i've just made it soo easy on you", to which he lowered his voice, sighed and said:"yes. you have. you've made it so easy. i don't know who or where i would be without you" -in that moment, i saw every fight my parents ever had. i can't figure out why. but i think that's the point.. not knowing. there's a safety in that.

P.S Listen to dropout // you always win

she's in New York at the moment and I'm here.She's there and I'm here and I think it's always been that way - you know-how with her there and me here

2017 started with me kissing a girl I didn't believe. moral less, hope less. her less.it'll be fine. I usually just breath through the waves of sore. she needs to be hugged and i can feel it, but I'm here. And she's there

Last night - the love of her life sat next to me and It felt like I couldn't breathe. he has no idea how broken her whole makes me. Is that selfish and wantonly? Do I care?I probably do.Or not.I Don't know.

i write about her everyday.that's the point though isn't it?to love the shell of something so much it haunts you when you're breathing?goodnight from cape town.p.s wherever you are, i hope it's where you're meant to be.stay safe. (always)

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