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sanchoyo · 3 years

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danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #dp thoughts

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telehxhtrash · 4 years

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I know its a big debate but I am not a dudebro for thinking killua and gon are platonic. I have no problem with people who do at all, but I honestly just think they have a strong friendship, and I am for encouraging boys to have these types of bonds with each other ~screw toxic masculinity~ I like following your blog btw

Hi ! First of all, thank you for liking my blog! I’m glad you’re enjoying my content even though I’m killugon trash HAHAH

Oh lord, it really is a big debate. I’m not calling everyone who doesnt like a romantic reading of killugon a dudebro, only the people who are vehemently against it because they say people are projecting and that there is no basis to our claims that hxh is queer work.

This is gonna be me ranting for a bit because it’s a subject that’s very dear to me so i’m very sorry in advance, it’s not against you, just a general statement !

I totally agree that fuck toxic masculinity. It’s so fucking toxic and men should be allowed to show emotions, affection and care openly without fearing for repercussions. And having portrayals of friendships where the characters are not afraid of sharing their love with the other in a totally platonic way is amazing.

However.

There’s been countless representations of this type of relationship in media over the years. In every media, not only anime. I always cite the same example, but take Naruto who is the example that speaks to me the most. (ive never seen it so dont flame me if i say dumb shit). But from my understanding, Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship was a full on middle finger in the face of toxic masculinity. They shared a deep bond, pretty much like Killua and Gon’s. I know a lot of people shipped them because their relationship was borderline homoerotic, but in the end it was just a beautiful representation of a very deep platonic friendship.

And when you’re queer, it’s heartbreaking. Because you’ve been projecting this entire time, for the work to tease you, to literally bait you into showing you inherent queer behavior only for it to say “haha lol jk” at the end is fucking rough. Especially when you’re young and questioning your sexuality, looking at relationships between two best friends and thinking “oh, this feels like I feel when I’m with my best friend, is this romantic love?” and then the work saying nope haha its purely platonic ! its rough. trust me.

The community doesn’t have a lot of positive, healthy queer relationships to identify with. Especially in anime. Most queer relationships are labeled under the special genres “shounen ai” and “yuri” (both of these categories painting queer relationships in the worst possible ways ever btw, but thats a whole other subject). But it’s fucking sad. Because we deserve to see queer representation in works that are not classified as those genre. We shouldn’t have to dig into a particular genre to identify with characters : there should be queer representation no matter the genre, whether it be a shoujo, a seinen, or for example, a shounen battle manga.

And that’s why HxH is so important to the queer community. Because it displays just that. That you can have good queer representation in non shounen-ai genres. That queer relationships are normal and should not have to be classified under a certain category.

A lot of queer people identify and recognize HxH as queer work, because of a few reasons. Togashi has always been interested in queer representation, having put queer characters in every single one of his works. There was a trans girl in YYH, a trans man in Level E, Alluka in HxH. Togashi also wrote several gay characters in both of these works. I always repeat myself on this, but Togashi also wanted to write a gay sports manga, but was turned down. His favorite manga when he was younger was a shounen-ai. So yes, Togashi has deep history and is very involved in queer representation.

Togashi is also very fucking smart. Just look at all the metas people are producing every day about hxh and understand how much effort togashi has put into his work : he’s a smart man, who makes conscious choices about everything he puts in his manga. So when you see the way he portrayed Killua and Gon’s relationship, and for now most importantly Killua, you know it’s not accidental. Togashi has put SO much subtext in his work about Killua in general, from his birthday being Tanabata to him wanting to commit a lovers’ suicide with Gon, and Togashi KNOWS how it comes across, he’s not dumb. He knows what those things mean, he knows that a shinjuu is a heavily connotated word, and that people, ESPECIALLY JAPANESE PEOPLE who have the cultural context, are gonna think “oh, maybe Killua is gay”. Because that subtext is intentional. And there’s a lot of it. If you haven’t read my post on the subtext of HxH, I invite you to do so because there’s a LOT of it.

In short, HxH has the subtext, has the potential and has the one author that is not afraid of putting queer stuff in his work. That’s why Killugon is so important to the community, and that’s why a lot of people, especially queer folks, insist on the romantic reading of their relationship.

Because it’s extremely important to queer people. Positive representation of queer relationships in anime is hard to come by, ESPECIALLY in the shounen genre. And sadly, because our society is drowning in deep internalized homophobia, people easily dismiss queer behavior in media as platonic actions.

How many times have I seen people assess that two people of opposite genders in an anime are in love only because they looked at each other once (take Ponzu and Pokkle for example). Or because they held hands. Our society is so quick to romanticize interactions between two people of different genders, but fail to do the same when it’s same-gender pairings.

Straight people hand holding, kissing, blushing around each other, admitting their love out loud, looking at each other’s eyes deeply are immediately categorized as in love. But when it’s people of the same gender, people immediately say “it can be platonic”. And whether you’re aware of it or not, that’s internalized homophobia.

That’s why it’s infuriating to see people dismiss the subtext that Togashi has tried SO HARD to plant throughout his story. Because it’s there, and if Killua was a girl, there’d be way less people opposed to a romantic reading of their relationship. Because it’d be widely accepted that Togashi is writing them as a developing couple, no questions asked.

Which brings me to my final point (promise, I’ll stop ranting after this). Sadly, the voices of the people who assert a platonic reading of a relationship are often louder than the voices of queer people who identify with the work. When confronted with an ambiguous relationship between a same-gender pairing, people unconsciously tend to choose a platonic reading of the relationship. Which is harmful to the queer community, because the voices of the queer people who identify with the work are silenced.

In conclusion, yes, representations of deep platonic friendships without toxic masculinity are good, and very much encouraged. We’ve just had a shitton of those over the years, and queer people are craving for proper representation. Togashi is deeply invested in positive queer representation, has planted a lot of conscious subtext in HxH, and he’s the one author that would NOT queerbait. So people being insistent that Killua is pretty much canonically gay, and that it’s likely that Killugon will be a romantic pairing is not for the sake of mindless shipping. It’s because there are a lot of reasons to believe that this is Togashi’s intention.

And like I said, sadly, people insisting on a platonic reading of their relationship is unintentionally harmful to the queer community, because people are so quick to dismiss elements that make queer people identify with the work as platonic behavior, dismissing queer people as “wishful shippers”.

There are plenty of reasons to believe that HxH is queer work, and while platonic readings of killugon’s relationship are valid, it sucks that it’s become overbearing in the anime community, to the point where outside of tumblr, people literally bully you for thinking that there’s a possibility Killua might be gay and in love with Gon. (trust me, i’ve faced a lot of people saying that it’s disgusting to label killua as gay)

So yes ! Killugon can be read as platonic. The queer community is just very adamant about people not dismissing Togashi’s subtext because HxH is the healthy, positive representation we need. It’s a beautiful piece of work that has the full potential (and who is most likely headed this way) to display a healthy, loving, positive canon gay relationship between two of its main characters.

Showing that a shounen battle manga can feature a canon gay relationship, showing that you can be young and gay and what you thought was best friend behavior was maybe romantic and that it’s okay because feelings change and are hard to figure out especially when you’re young and queer !!

And most importantly showing that unlike every portrayal of deep male best friends relationships in shounen anime that turn out to be painted as purely platonic, sometimes behaviors that queer people identify with ARE queer behavior, and not just platonic love, but romantic, homosexual love.

#ask #killugon #meta #my meta #sorry this was literally me rambling HAHAHAA #this isnt against u specifically just a general statement #bc im very passionate about people not dismissing togashis subtext #and very passionate about queer rep

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penebui · 4 years

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Lgbt manga pt.1

If you had to put up with my sorry ass for a few years then yes you know that I have been searching for lgbt mangas!! I put up with the pain of going through most genres that sexualize/fetishize gender identities and sexualities (like yaoi and gender bender) and reading mangas to find if they have lgbt content so you dont have to suffer the pain of trying to! Clown on this post and please face my wrath

Keep in mind that these aren’t in order of ratings!! Its just a list. I also give summaries of the plot, the things that make it lgbt, and some content warnings!!

1. Welcome to Room #305! by Wanan

Kim Jung Hyun moves into an apartment (room #305) with a friend of a friend, named Kim Homo! Who (you guessed it) is gay! As Jung Hyung begins to live with Kim Homo, he slowly learns to accept him for his sexuality. Once he overcomes his homophobia and completely accepts him for who he is, other lgbt characters pop in too!! They all have their struggles with their identities, and it is very realistic, but the art style helps keep all that angst at bay! As far as english translations go, we have several lesbian characters, and a trans guy. You can read the english translation on several manga sites, but if you want the link to the original since this is a webcomic, here’s the [link]! Unfortunately english updates are very slow since translation teams have other projects, and legal companies who translate take their sweet precious time.

2. Bokura no Hentai by Fumiko Fumi

The title might seem misleading, however it can be translated as “Our Transformation”! Buckle up buttercup cause this manga will fuck you over emotionally. Three crossdressers meet up after being in a crossdressing group, with different reasons as to why they crossdress. Parou crossdresses to fall in love with a straight guy, Marika is actually a trans woman, and Yui crossdresses as his dead sister to “help” his mother with her grieving. There are some other characters who don’t fit within the gender norms!

Now let me tell you if you are dealing with some trauma and can’t handle very sensitive topics, this manga might not be the one for you. Although it isnt just homophobia and transphobia, it also contains content of sexual harrassment, pedophilia, and suicide. However these topics are not glorified or sexualized. They are trauma of some of the characters and they must learn how to overcome from it individually. However, there is a happy ending for them!! Please let that be known! I enjoyed reading it if sobbing your heart out counts as enjoying it, because it has indeed pulled my heart strings (although I am not a trans woman, I am a trans guy and I can identify with only some of the things Marika goes through, as trans women go through different experiences than trans men and have it harder on them.)

3. Hourou Musuko (Wandering Son) by Takako Shimura

This manga is one of the most well known mangas realistically depicting trans identity. It became popular when an anime adaptation came out! However the anime adaptation only covers the middle school part of our protagonists lives, however it encourages you to read the manga to find out what happens to them and their life! We have two protagonists. Shuichi who identifies as a girl, and Yoshino who identifies as a boy. Shuichi is the primary protagonist while Yoshino serves as a secondary protagonist.

This manga also realistically depicts how hard it is for transfeminine people to come out and be themselves while transmasculine people seem to have it easier (dont clown on this dear fuck). We have lesbian, gay, and genderfluid characters galore! Although they do have some touchy topics like transmisogyny and transphobia in general, it is less heavier than Bokura no Hentai.

Some people might not like the outcome of this story when it comes to Yoshino, however I am content with it because it shows that people should be able to explore their gender identity, and they are welcome to change it anytime as they see fit. Sometimes you won’t figure out your identity if you don’t explore.

4. Shimanami Tasagore / Our Dreams at Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani

Also one of the more well known ones, the mangaka of this beautiful story is X-gender and asexual! It follows the protagonist, Tasuku is contemplating suicide as rumors circulate that he is gay at his highschool (he is). He sees a woman jumping off a building nearby and runs to her aid. Her name is Anonymous/Somebody and she sees herself is asexual but other than that she does not like labels, she invites Tasuku inside the building she just jumped off, which contains a group of exclusively lgbt characters.

We have both trans, lesbian, and gay people. We see their struggles. We see how they overcome it. We see how even we ourselves can harm others even if we’re both lgbt. Of course there is homohpobia, transphobia, etc. however it is all handled perfectly and we get the satisfaction of these characters speaking up for either themselves or for each other. I also love Anonymous simply because she doesn’t like labels and chooses not to use them (excluding the asexual part). Not everyone whos part of the lgbt community has a label, however they are still a part of us!

5. Fukakai na boku no subete o (Fukaboku)/ Love me for who I am by Konayama Kata

Fukaboku is a very special manga to me, as it goes in depth on gender identity and sexuality. There are two protagonists, Tetsu who is a cis guy and supposedly straight (we later find out that he is not), and Mogumo, who is both intersex and nonbinary.

Tetsu works as a chef at Question Cafe, and everyone employed in fanlations are called girlyboys, however in the official translation they use otokonoko which is anyone crossdressing as a girl regardless of their gender. There are plenty of transwomen, gay people, etc.! Tetsu falls in love with Mogumo, so he isn’t straight, however he isn’t explicitly gay because he recognizes Mogumo as what they identify as, nonbinary. It is safe to say that he could either be pan, bi, omni, etc. however we can’t confirm since it hasn’t been explicitly stated.

We learn how transfeminine people have certain struggles, like shoes that dont fit them, breasts, and voice feminization. We also have a dose of family struggles when it comes to Mogumo in later/current chapters.

Before you dm me, yes. Yes I know about the shit prequel. The prequel actually features a gay couple in fukaboku. I have read it. Reluctantly even if it was only 24 pages. However just because the prequel is shit does not mean we should cancel Fukaboku. There is a thing called being critical of the content you’re enjoying. If we treated it like cancel y because of x, then things like persona 4 and danganronpa would be cancelled, but lets not get into that.

6. Kanojo ni Naritai Kimi to Boku by Umi Takase

I haven’t heard of this one as much as I have the others, so I was very much pleased when I heard about this! There are two protagonist (yes there are a lot of lgbt mangas with two protags I’ve noticed too), Hime and Akira. Hime has a crush on Akira, who identifies as a girl. However this manga is also realistic, as Akira doesn’t fully ‘pass’ as a girl herself. Hime wants to do anything she can to help Akira feel comfortable on her first day of school wearing a girl’s uniform. Because of Akira being made fun of, Hime shows up to school in Akira’s male uniform to help Akira in solidarity.

Their teachers are fully aware of Akira’s situation, however instead of discriminating her they accept her. Their homeroom teacher helps Hime overcome her internal problem about lashing out at others who try to befriend Akira, and she slowly realizes that just because people can’t accept Akira straight away, they will slowly get used to her and come to terms with the fact that Akira is trans in their own time rather than have it being forced on them.

Hime and Akira make friends slowly and we see that even little things (like calling Akira cute and/or a girl) helps Akira, even if theyre small things we dont usually notice. Hime also struggles with her crush as she sees Akira as a girl, yet she cant accept the fact that shes attracted to girls.

Although Akira doesnt feel the same way as Hime does, she doesnt just like her as a friend, but also not as a lover either. Its safe to say that these two have a quasiplatonic relationship with each other.

7. Yuzu no Koto by Arai Shou

I have noticed that there are plenty of mangas with transfeminine characters as the focus, rather than transmasculine, so heres one for the transmasculines! Ichigo’s best friend Yuzu comes back to school, however he is enrolling as a boy! It is very humorous as Ichigo tries to understand and get used to her best friend’s new identity. Although it is slow as each chapter is a single page, it is hinted that Yuzu has a crush on Ichigo (or if thats just me squinting really hard).

8. Ohana Holoholo by Torino Shino

It is a story about two bi women who are ex-girlfriends, raising one of the women’s baby together as a little family! There is also an idol/actor who helps them out and visits them occassionally! If you want something warming and wholesome, this is the manga for you!!

9. My Androgynous Boyfriend by Tamekou

Wako, a woman who works for a publishing company is in a relationship with an androgynous/genderless man! Her boyfriend wears dresses, makeup, and is an instagram model! It is not necessarily treated as crossdressing. It is handled pretty well, and the chemistry between Wako and her boyfriend is very strong. They both love each other so much and help each other with their hobbies and interests. This is what a loving and healthy relationship is supposed to look like!!

10. Inside Mari by Shuzo Oshimi

It is debatable if this is actually considered lgbt, considered the circumstances, however I put it on this list because it shows how mental illnesses and disorders really feel to the person whos suffering from it. Please read throughout this whole section to understand why.

Inside Mari is about a man named Isao who stalks this young girl named Mari. He follows her back outside of a little convenience store, but when she turns back and looks at him he wakes up inside her body and doesn’t know how to cope with it. He tries to find Mari while putting on a facade and living as her. He meets a girl named Yori who instantly recognizes that Isao isn’t actually Mari from his mannerisms. This girl has had a crush on Mari, just like Isao. Isao tries to prove to Yori that he switched bodies, and when he goes to his apartment, he finds someone living as him, but it isn’t Mari.

The more we delve into this manga, the more we figure out exactly what happened to Mari and Isao. As Isao and Yori visit and retrace his steps, Isao gets flashbacks to memories of Mari. Isao soon realizes that he isn’t actually the real Isao, but a introject of Isao, and that Mari actually has DID because of childhood trauma. The ending is bittersweet, as Mari comes back but Isao unfortunately becomes dormant/disappears since I don’t think what happened was them merging.

11. Seibetsu "Mona Lisa" No Kimi He by Yoshimura Tsumuji

In the world, people can choose what gender they want to be when they’re 12. When they’re 14 their appearance corresponds to their gender. Hinase however, is 18 years old and they still haven’t chosen a gender. They prefer to be neither. However when their two best friends suddenly confess to them, their hormonal development suddenly starts to increase.

Imagery and symbolism is very clear in this manga!! As we revolve around the color blue/cyan and the debate and interpretations of Mona Lisa’s gender. I’m very hopeful that Hinase will stay as nonbinary rather than choosing a gender, simply because both of their best friends confessed and asked them to become the opposite gender to be with them. It is very much hinted that Hinase will be in a romantic relationship with their male best friend however. I love this manga simply because the protagonist doesn’t want to identify as either male nor female.

12. Jun And Kaoru: Pure And Fragrant by Neiki Zui

Jun and Kaoru have a special condition, by midnight they both switch genders. Because they both have this condition, they hang out with each other and help each other with clothing, etc. It should be addressed that these two do not have the “I wish to be a girl/boy” etc. The problem that they have though is their growing crush on each other. They are either genderqueer, or genderfluid, or whatever you prefer since it isn’t directly stated within the manga. They’re not cis or straight! It is a very fun and comedic love story and I wish to see further updates on it!!!

13. Sakura-Chan to Amane-Kun by Asazuki Norito

This story revolves around Sakura who identifies as a girl and Amane who identifies as a boy. Amane spots Sakura dressed as a girl and instantly recognizes her, however instead of belittling her he asks her out on a date, only if she goes as a girl. During school however, they have to pretend to be the gender theyre assigned with while not interacting with each other.

Since there is a lot more but I dont want to break tumblr, I will be making a part 2 and I’ll post it tomorrow!

#lgbt #lgbt manga #manga #lgbtq #lgbtq manga #trans #gay #my post #long post #i enjoy doing stuff like this #prolly because its how i found out i was bigender

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sameteeth · 4 years

Text

NOT to be found family on main BUT pls consider.. lucy adopting/parenting the lost boys after max gets killed

the boys all survive, albiet with injuries that take a while to heal bc they were all injured w Vampire Killing Intent. theyre all laying around in the hotel when lucy marches in, first aid kit in hand and sam being dragged reluctantly w her. micheal tags along too. lucy is horrified at the messy ass cave but doesnt clean bc she knows its not Her Space, its the boys and she respects their privacy/independence.

marko is doing the worst, since the boys could only give him rudimentary first aid before rushing off to attack micheal/the frog bros. he’s feverish and delirious and thinks lucy is his mom. she cradles his cheek and pets his hair as she patches up his chest (marko is trans and lucy is like Hell Yeah Another Trans Son). the stake missed his heart but his lungs are fucked now bc getting stabbed as a vamp is Not Great.

dwayne is next- he’s got a big scar on his back and nerve damage from the electrocution. maybe some cool lightening scars once he heals up. he has more trouble w memory now bc yknow. brain damage. lots of flashing can possibly trigger seizures for him, and he has issues with movement disorder type things- tics, uncontrollable shaking, etc.

paul is just absolutely covered in burns, and his hair is falling out in chunks bc his skin is peeling off. think acid burns? his skin gets a little melty and he’s got some bad scarring, esp in his face once he heals. he takes the longest to heal just because he can’t do much of anything without tearing his skin up bc its super delicate as it grows back. its a very frustrating process. hes normally a cheery dude but he kinda falls into a funk trying to recover.

david is similar to marko in his injuries. he’s got some lung issues afterwards but he mostly heals ok. he’s more guarded around lucy, and he heals quicker bc hes the lead vamp and has been around the longest/is stronger than his brothers.

other than marko who passes out after calling lucy mom and crying a little theyre all REALLY nervous around her, theyre all like dogs baring their teeth when they cant even stand up. but lucy just goes about her business and tries to help them. sam is scared shitless of the vamps but lucy is 100% fearless and has NO issue telling david off for trying to get up when he should be resting. she brings them animal blood (courtesy of the widow johnson) with straws stuck in it like caprisun and sits there holding an actual caprisun and drinking it with them. she plays pauls records when he asks but usually picks stuff she recognizes as opposed to newer music that sam and micheal like. dwayne finds it kinda nice, bc she likes groovier/more chill music rather than super harsh or fast music. micheal apologizes to david and david apologizes (sort of) to micheal. david is a very prideful dude after all, but he does genuinely feel bad for ruining the emerson’s house/lives because his crazy ass “dad” wanted a make-believe family.

and just bc i hate max- he turned david against his will after seeing him as a kid and thinking “hm id love to be a father but alas i am a vampire, guess i will stalk this abused child until he is adult-ish age and take him as my own!”. no one gave a shit when max took david since his family sucked. david was basically an impromptu parent for a ton of neighborhood kids and his siblings bc his parents were shit and didnt care about him- it was more of an image thing anyways. so he has all the Big Brother instincts but was forced to grow up too young and has trouble cutting loose bc of this. (ill get into this in a later post maybe?). anyways max took all the lost boys in against their wills/without their consent, which is why david doesnt ask micheal to join, he just gets him to drink the blood. which i always thought was fucked up anyways. david only knows vampires who were forced to turn (him and all the lost boys).

meanwhile star takes some time to recover away from the boys and regains her humanity a bit- she does love their little family, cobbled together out of a lot of desperation and a lot of love, but she needs some time away to think things over now that she knows it wasnt david who was holding her there, it was max. laddie is super worried about his big bros and goes completely nonverbal (normally he is semiverbal). star is worried about him and convinces lucy to take him to see the boys after the more gorey wounds have healed, bc although laddie has Seen Some Shit he is also a Literal Child and doesn’t deserve to be exposed to that. and now that he has a Genuine Adult who isnt a weird vampire looking after him, lucy can make sure he gets looked after and treated like a child. bc although the lost boys did their best, none of them are really Parents.

lucy backs off once the boys are more healed, but they end up spending a lot of time at the emerson’s anyways!! they help rebuild the house and clean up, since the plumbing got fuckin destroyed and the house is kind of missing a wall. grandpa is annoyed abt it but he puts the boys to work(at night ofc), since he’s crotchety but he’s also noticed that the missing/murdered people usually arent good people. paul loves to bake with lucy and dwayne loves to cook/try new recipes for people who will appreciate a fancy meal (hes secretly grandpas fav for the food only). paul also loves to bond w lucy over music and actually gets on well with sam- he’s got a slacker middle child vibe that sam warms up to eventually and they become super tight! marko and sam have a youngest-sibling rivalry (kind of) but it eventually fades from constant bickering into them tag-teaming whining at david or micheal or dwayne for whatever they want this time. micheal and dwayne vibe really well bc dwayne likes to spend quality time w people by sitting with them in silence, doing their own thing, and micheal enjoys just vibing w people since sam is loud and his mom always anxiously fills silence w chatter. nothing against her, but sometimes its a lot for micheal, so he enjoys just sitting with dwayne in silence for hours at a time.

marko realizes maybe 2 months after they recover that he called lucy mom and avoids the house for like a week out of embarrassment, but lucy just smiles and calls him her crafty animal son and pats his stupid mullet. he loves to bring her animals, especially birds since she has some experience keeping birds. they dont keep the wild animals but lucy does notice that more wildlife seems to come around the house now that the lost boys are visiting. sam and david have the funniest relationship bc sam is like “fuck you i fucking hate you” and david is like “my friends little brother foams like a rabid chihuahua when i come over pls help”. sam wont be rude to david bc lucy said be nice but he will also not Interact Unless Necessary so like. david will be like “hey! champ..! how was... school!” bc hes trying to be fucking nice but he hasnt interacted with childrne other than laddie in Years and sam will be like “good.” and they just fucking stare at each other while dwayne does ollies in the background until marko and paul roll in with scissors and bleach like “WHO WANTS A MAKEOVER MICHEAL ALREADY GOT ONE” and micheal is chasing them with tinfoil in his hair with a stuffed woodchuck in his hands ready to murder

#the lost boys #the king writes meta #is this meta?? idk but damn i sure wrote it! hopefully i can figure out how to do an under the cut thingy bc this is long as FUCK #anyways autism brain go brrrrrrrr #gore tw #medical tw #injury tw #death mention #written gore #im tagging just to be safe but its all under the cut #ask to tag if needed

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burntpastel · 4 years

Text

late

(On AO3)

Summary: Midoriya loses track of time and accidentally stays out past curfew. Mic decides he deserves a reward for having to go out and retrieve him.

Notes: a fic commissioned by Ivyblush and theDavynator on AO3! thanks again!!

italicized dialogue usually indicates usage of english.

raping people is evil. adults who date and/or fuck minors are evil. dont do it, and and don't base any real life relationships or choices off the content of fanfics.

cw rape, underage, impregnation, vomiting, trans deku

Midoriya is still, eyes locked on his target. He tries to focus on his body, his quirk, without tuning out visual information, then makes a quick, practiced movement, kicking out his leg. The force from his quirk carries across the gym, clipping two of the targets hanging from the ceiling instead of moving between them like he'd wanted, taking a decent sized chunk out of one.

Sighing, he moves a couple of feet down the line, to the last of the targets he’d prepared beforehand. He waits for them to settle back into place, then concentrates, hoping this time he can do it without breaking anything—including himself. He then kicks—

“HEY!”

The jolt of adrenaline sends his kick off course, shattering many of the remaining targets to the left of where he was originally aiming. (He’ll need to work on that too.)

“Mic-sensei!” Midoriya turns to him, and boy, does he look annoyed. He’s not even sure what he did this time. “What are you doing here?”

Mic strolls up to him with his hands in his pockets, glowering at him. It’s his turn to watch the dorms this week, and he’s wearing casual clothes. Sometimes it takes Midoriya a second to recognize him with his hair down.

“Looking for my missing student!” he provides with false cheer. Midoriya blinks. Is someone else gone, or has he been labeled missing himself?

He notices Mic’s eyes fixed on his chest and becomes painfully aware that he’s in a thin t-shirt and sports bra. He tugs his shirt away from his chest to hide his form, averting his gaze in embarrassment—not because he thinks Mic's staring is questionable, Midoriya knows he's usually covered up or has his binder on so he doesn't really blame him for being drawn to the unexpected shapes—more in a "sorry for being visibly trans" kind of way.

“It’s passed curfew, you know.”

Midoriya sucks in a breath, looking back up at him. Was he really training that long?

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know it was so late…”

Midoriya scrambles to collect his things. As he rushes past Mic to return to the dorms, he’s stopped by his outstretched hand, palm splaying against his torso and fingers brushing Midoriya’s chest in the process.

“Hold on a minute!”

Midoriya quickly scrambles back, looking up at his teacher, feeling his face burn at the accidental touch.

Something in Mic’s expression has changed. Instead of the drained irritation he’d shown before, his eyes are now intense as he stares down at Midoriya, though still calm, and he almost looks… pleased…?

Mic gestures to the locker room behind him. ”Go take a shower before we head back—you’re a mess!”

The words just sound like gibberish until his mind shifts to thinking in English. Feeling a little embarrassed that it had slipped his mind, Midoriya quickly nods. “Okay.”

He starts to turn when Mic interrupts him.

”Try again.”

Midoriya gives him an exasperated smile. That’s the fun thing about Mic-sensei—he never really stops teaching. Every moment is another chance for a little pop quiz.

”Yes, sir.”

Mic nods to him, and he sets off across the gym for the locker room. As he’s pushing the door open, Mic calls out.

“One last thing, Midoriya."

Midoriya looks back at him over his shoulder, and Mic almost looks like his usual self with the grin he’s wearing—except, it’s a little more unnerving with the way he’s peering at him over the rim of his glasses.

“Do you know what ‘I’m gonna rail your cunt’ means?”

Midoriya hesitates. He knows some of the words, but not the important ones that make the sentence meaningful. He shakes his head.

“No, sir.”

Mic’s smile grows wider, before he shakes his head, gesturing for Midoriya to go ahead with his shower.

Now that his body has realized how late it is and how long he was training for, he feels exhausted all at once. The water seems to be trying its best to lure him into sleep, and it is quite tempting.

After his shower he wraps a towel around himself and walks back to the lockers to get dressed. He’s in the middle of setting the towel down to slip on his underwear when he hears a soft sound—too subtle for his drowsy mind to parse immediately, but pointed enough to catch his attention. He glances around for the source of the noise, and in the same millisecond he realizes it was a laugh he spots Mic watching him from the shadows.

“Way to be alert, hero.”

Midoriya jerks his towel back up to his chest, fumbling to fasten it around himself with one hand while Mic approaches faster than he can figure out what the fuck is happening.

“You don’t like my class as much as All Might's,” Mic says matter-of-factly. “I put a lot of effort into my lessons, y’know.”

His face doesn’t reflect what he’s saying; there’s no trace of hurt, or anger or disappointment, just that same intense stare and grin. Yet, there’s no teasing quality to his voice, either.

“I do!” Midoriya spits, unsure if it’s out of politeness or fear. He takes a half step backwards for every two of Mic’s forward. “I’m just bad at English.”

“Ah, yeah,” Mic agrees. “Your last test came back pretty bad!”

...It did? He thought he’d actually done well on that one.

The amount of adrenaline pumping through his veins has his blood rushing painfully hard against every part of his body—yet, he doesn’t want to assume the worst of his teacher. His mind half convinces him that 'oh, this is about grades. That's important enough to interrupt someone getting dressed for. Yeah.'

He doesn’t run, but he does keep backing away and adopts very defensive body language, hoping that at some point Mic will get the idea that he’s uncomfortable if he curls up enough, tilts his head down, and averts his gaze.

“I know you guys hate all my quizzing, but I think you could use the extra credit!”

Mic finally stops about arm’s length away. Midoriya’s leaning so far back against the bench that he loses his balance and has to just sit down on it. He keeps his chin tucked, but stares up at Mic with wide eyes, subconsciously squeezing his legs together.

“So, I’ll make my last phrase a little easier for you…”

Mic leans down towards him, and it finally clicks in Midoriya’s head that no, he’s not just being paranoid or sensitive—this is wrong.

”I’m going to fuck you."

His stomach drops into ice.

Midoriya lurches to his feet but Mic grabs him by the arm and shoves him back into a sitting position. Midoriya squirms against his grasp, but as he’s trying to twist away and raises a hand to pry Mic off him, Mic lowers his lips to his ear and growls through his teeth, “I could end your hero career right here. Don’t even think about using your quirk.”

Midoriya freezes. Mic licks the shell of his ear before pulling back, looking quite satisfied at this. Midoriya’s eyes dart around the room as his breathing becomes frantic and uneven, lungs torn between hyperventilating and bursting into tears.

He can’t run, Mic’s quirk works from a distance, his feet are wet, and he’s naked. He can’t fight, even if he wanted to; Mic could accidentally kill him just with a cry of pain.

Can’t run... Can’t fight...

“No!” Midoriya squeals in between heaving gasps. His head feels so light he thinks he’ll topple over at any second. “Please, I d—”

“Is that any way to talk to your English teacher?” Mic chides as he reaches for the button of his pants.

“Wh—" He then switches to English, "No!"

“Good!” Mic praises, and for a second Midoriya’s blood pressure drops a fraction. “But nah. I’m pretty ticked I had to come all the way out here to get you, and you have a nice ass, so…”

Mic pulls his dick out of his pants. It’s riddled with piercings, and somehow that scares Midoriya even further. Maybe it just makes him think how this was always lurking under his teacher’s heroic facade, just like a bunch of scary metal studs beneath his clothes. Midoriya’s not even old enough to get piercings like that himself...

Mic's stroking himself and stepping closer. Midoriya wants to wake up. Wants this to be a nightmare that ends before the worst of it comes. He wants to fall out of his body. He wants to melt into the floor.

If he was trembling any harder, he’s pretty sure it would qualify as convulsions.

"I don't have to tell you how bad an idea it would be to bite me, right?" Mic puts his foot up on the bench, standing over Midoriya's lap as he holds his dick in front of his face.

His mind is blank. This isn't like an encounter with a villain—there's no one to protect, no backup coming, he's naked for fuck's sake—he doesn't know what to do. He squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head away, but doesn't get very far as Mic grabs a fistful of his hair so tight he can't move.

"Open up!" Mic chirps, yet seems perfectly content to rub the head of his cock all over his face instead. Midoriya shudders as he nudges it against the fat of his cheek, rubbing up and down and in circles—flooded with the urge to scream, to thrash, to cry and bite and kick.

But he stays still, so rigid every part of him aches. His jaw is shut tight, lips pressed into a firm line as a Mic runs his cock over them. He goes over each multiple times, back and forth leisurely.

"Come on, you never shut your mouth this long…"

He prods at the corners of his mouth, rubs against them in intense small circles. It's much more effective than Midoriya would like; he's never able to press though his lips entirely, but he manages to part them enough to draw out some saliva, especially when the ring at his tip nudges between them.

Midoriya is clutching his towel to his chest so tightly he can't even feel that arm anymore. His stomach is so tight he feels like he's going to die. Part of him welcomes it; he doesn't want to be here.

Mic then thrusts forward, his cock bumping his nose and smearing precome on the ridge of his brow as it slips up against his face. Mic grinds it between his pelvis and Midoriya's cheek as he humps his face. Midoriya can feel the way Mic's skin drags against his own, the gliding metal studs, his balls tapping against his chin with each upward thrust, a mound of wiry hair whenever his cock slips out of place. His mind is in searing, white hot pain. He can feel these sensations carving their way into his brain, never to be forgotten.

The way it feels, the way it smells, the sounds Mic is making as he does it, the fingers knotted in his hair… He already knows that, if his heart doesn't stop in the middle of this (and it might, based on how hard it's beating and how much it hurts,) that one day he's going to be trying to live his life only to be haunted by the sensation of a cock shoved against his face, of all things.

His extremities are freezing, even the tips of his ears feel like ice, but his torso is burning hot as he trembles, legs straining in unnatural ways that would give him a cramp in any other situation. He feels a headache beginning to form where Mic is tugging his hair to keep him in place.

Apparently his dick slips out from between them one too many times, because Mic draws back just enough to grasp the base between his forefinger and thumb and deliver a series of quick slaps against Midoriya's face with it. Humiliation and anger tingle painfully across every inch of Midoriya's skin, beginning from his stomach. He grits his teeth hard, trying to focus on the creaking sound of his jaw.

The contact only dully hurts when concentrated in one area too long, but occasionally one of the metal studs catches his cheekbone, making Midoriya flinch quite uselessly in Mic's grip. The sharper pain brings reflexive tears, which break the dam—his lungs spasm with barely restrained sobs, tears pushing their way through his clenched eyelids.

He hadn't wanted to cry. His lips quiver, making it quite hard to keep them pinched together, while his jaw occasionally cracks open a fraction with a wail it desperately wants to vocalize. His shoulders bounce and chest heaves with silent, choked down sobs. As if his body needed more tension.

"This would be over a lot quicker if you'd just open your mouth..."

Mic seems perfectly content to ignore his tears, carrying on battering Midoriya's face with his cock. If anything, he seems enthused, picking up the speed so that he's practically beating off against him. He moves away from his cheek closer to the center of his face, so that his slaps land partially against his mouth.

In his head, Midoriya toys with the idea of just opening his mouth, just to end whatever torment this is.

Mic groans impatiently, but it just comes out needy. Suddenly, the member assaulting his face is gone.

"Hey, Midoriya, how do you say 'beg' in English?"

Midoriya stays quiet, knowing his cock is hovering just in front of his face, waiting.

"Come on." His cock hits his face again. His nose stings so much from the blow that he doesn't even feel the scratch that the circular ring at the tip leaves on his brow. His cries ramp up another level, a whine emanating from his throat.

"You're gonna get fucked either way. Might as well pass your test too."

Midoriya's mind is eager to latch onto a silver lining.

And he really, really wants Mic's cock to stop touching his face.

"...Be—ghk!"

He's promptly rewarded with a cock inside his mouth.

He doesn't shove it down his throat, at least; still guiding it with his fingers he rubs it around; down against his tongue, or up along his inner cheek, stretching it outward.

"There we go," Mic draws out, sounding quite pleased in multiple ways.

Midoriya almost gags anyway, just out of sheer disgust. He tries to withdraw with tongue as much as he can, but that just seems to give Mic an ample platform to rub his tip against. He then tries flattening it instead, but it allows him to grind a greater length of his cock along it.

He settles for withdrawn.

Midoriya's not sure this is better than just letting him hump his face (or rather the outside of his face, because that's very much still happening.) It doesn't hurt as much, but letting him use his mouth for pleasure is just as humiliating, he thinks, just in a different kind of way.

His jaw aches from how wide he has to hold it open to avoid scraping his teeth against his dick. He's surprised the way his piercings click and catch against his teeth doesn't put Mic off more; it seems like it would hurt. Each time Midoriya feels that circular ring touch his back teeth he has the impulse to bite down on it.

Drool runs down his chin, trailing to his chest. He weeps around Mic's cock as he thrusts it against his inner cheek, his whimpers occasionally interrupted as Mic shoves it a little too far in what might be an attempt to silence him. The tears on his cheeks are starting to itch in places but he's too afraid to open his eyes and doesn't want to chance touching Mic to wipe at them.

"How do you say…” Mic trails off to think, “...'pulse' in English?"

"...Pul-thh." he answers as well as he can while crying with a dick in his mouth, careful as he forms the 'p' to not bite him.

"Mm. What do you do to cool something off?"

"...Blow."

"If a building has electricity, you could also say it has…?"

"Power."

Midoriya isn't oblivious to what he's doing; the answers all force him to seal his lips fully around him or flick his tongue against his shaft—but it's easy to pretend that it's unrelated to the way Mic thrusts into his mouth with each answer.

Just extra credit. Not pleasure.

"Good!" Mic eventually praises, entirely condescending. "Now, wrap your lips around it and suck."

Midoriya's stomach drops, wincing at the thought. He shakes his head as well as he can in Mic's grip.

"Aw, kid, you were practically already doing it before!" Mic insists. "Just like when you made a 'b'."

He tugs on his hair and wiggles his length around in his mouth, tapping it against his tongue as he continues his coaxing.

"Come on, just suck it. Suck it. Suck my dick."

"Just once. Just suck my dick. Just the head?"

"It's not that hard. Just suck me off. Do it."

Midoriya sobs around him, keeping his jaw stretched wide open. Tension ripples through his body, feeling a strong, reckless urge to bring his teeth down—and an awful, aching helplessness because he knows he can't.

"Hey, if you make me come now, maybe I won't fill up your pussy instead!"

He's going to—?

The wave of nausea that floods him accompanied by Mic thrusting just a little too far into his mouth makes him gag, and bile flows over his lips before he even knows what's happening. Mic withdraws as Midoriya hunches over in a coughing fit, idly wiping away the vomit on his cock with his thumb. Midoriya's head swims as he finally opens his eyes again, feeling disorientation like he just got slammed back into reality.

He really doesn't have the energy to spare for coughing. He forces himself to stop, allowing the remainder of the bile to just burn at his throat. He finally moves his numb arm to scrub at his chin, neck and chest with the towel, staining the white fabric with a sickly yellow.

"Alright, if you can't handle your oral exam, fine. You've got other holes."

Mic steps forward again as Midoriya takes heaving breaths, looming over him. He presses on Midoriya's shoulder, urging him back while his other hand tugs the towel away from his lap.

"How about you lay back and spread your legs for me..."

Midoriya freezes for just a moment, staring up at him in horror, before abandoning the towel and jumping to his feet to slip out from between Mic and the bench.

"No you don't!"

Mic catches his arm, twisting it behind his back as he shoves him towards the bench, exposing his back to him. Midoriya is forced to bend to accommodate Mic wrenching his arm.

"No!" Midoriya sobs as he feels something hard brush against his thighs. Mic tries to push his upper half downwards so that he's face down and ass up, but Midoriya braces his palm on the bench and locks his elbow in time to prevent it.

"Oh," Mic chuckles so darkly it's practically a growl. "You're gonna regret not making this easy for me, kid."

Midoriya clamps his legs shut as tight as he can, but it doesn't help much when he's bent so far forward, pussy poking out from between them with the incline of his pelvis. Mic's free hand slides to the back of Midoriya's thigh, thumb tugging his skin to spread his lips for him. Midoriya squirms and thrashes, but his arm is pushed further in response, a clear threat straining its way through his muscles.

Midoriya screams as Mic pushes inside, a pure, animalistic vocalization of distress, pain and protest; a contrast to Mic's soft groan. His piercings catch on his hymen, ripping through as he presses on anyway. Midoriya flinches hard, legs parting reflexively in an effort to reduce the pain, feeling much like he's being split open. He can't believe his teacher is sinking his cock inside of him. Midoriya wants to lurch away, instincts telling him to vault over the bench and run, but he only moves so far before Mic starts pulling on his twisted arm, threatening to rip it out of the socket—and before he knows it, Mic is fully hilted inside him, cock ring jabbing his cervix unpleasantly.

He freezes, trying to catch his breath with too-small lungs. He can feel his walls throbbing sharply in complaint at the intrusion. It's too big. Too dry. His thighs tremble, so hard that his knees nearly give out at times. It's unlike the fearful tremors from before; he's quite unused to having something shoved between his legs like this.

Mic's free hand grips his hip with a bruising force. "F-uck you're tight!"

If he thought pushing in hurt, pulling out is five times worse. Midoriya yelps as Mic withdraws, cock dragging against his tender insides and torn entrance, until only the head remains. Then he thrusts back in just as harshly, and Midoriya's cry takes on a slightly… different tone, much to his displeasure. Softer, more surprised. It still hurts, especially because his piercings catch on that same ring of skin again, but this time it also sends a different feeling reeling through his abdomen.

He's too breathless to even protest as Mic thrusts into him, caught between gasps, hisses, and sobs as the exact amount of pain and pleasure vary with each one. His cunt is doing its best to provide lubrication to ease the process, but it can only do so much unaroused.

Midoriya feels a sense of defeat; emptiness and humiliation stirring inside him. He's actually getting fucked, in a locker room on campus, by his teacher. He can feel his ass jiggle with each slap of Mic's hips against his skin, the sound echoing off the tiles and bouncing around the room. Midoriya's experienced a lot of unpleasant things, including public, relentless bullying over things he couldn't control, and he's pretty sure none of it was as deeply degrading as having his most intimate body parts used against his will for someone else's pleasure, while being dragged along for the ride, forced to stifle moans as he's violated by someone he thought he could trust.

He wants time to whirl by in a blur, for it to be over before he even knows it, but instead he's hyperaware of every second, every thrust, every painful jolt of forced pleasure that goes through his stomach. Every pant and gasp and groan Mic makes that fills him with a little more nausea, or fear, or anger. Sometimes it feels like it's all about to overflow, but all he does in the end is sit there and take it.

And Mic seems inclined to drag things out even more. His thrusts slow as he runs his hand up over the curve of his ass, humming a content noise behind him.

Without him pounding away, Midoriya is finally able to regain control over his lungs.

"Stop!" he gasps. "Please!"

He hates how soft and whiney his voice is, how he's moaning the words instead of commanding them.

"What was that?"

He pauses, frantically searching his overwhelmed mind. "Please!"

"Please what?"

"Stop!"

"Hmm… No, that's not right. Try 'harder' or 'keep going'."

Midoriya whimpers and hangs his head as Mic chuckles darkly, running his hand up his side. He's fucking him as if he's trying to get familiar with his cunt, like he's mapping out every crease and curve with the tip of his dick. Midoriya is overcome with the urge to crawl over the bench again, but the second he starts forward Mic yanks his arm back. It gives out a loud, threatening pop in response, and a slight pain starts to creep in a few seconds later. Mic huffs out a laugh, and fucks him just that little bit harder, like his efforts aroused him further.

Mic slides his hand underneath him to grope at his breasts, squeezing calloused fingers around them. Midoriya flinches, twisting his body to pin Mic's arm against his torso with his elbow, pressing harder when Mic pinches and tugs his nipple in response.

It's a mistake. With his arm bent Mic easily shoves him down against the bench, where he fucks him much, much harder. Midoriya's back arches, eyes rolling back as Mic pounds brutally into him now that he’s securely braced against something. He releases his arm, but Midoriya's not of a mind to make use of it, clutching at the wood underneath him until his knuckles turn white.

Mic's hands are right next to his. He's keeping him pinned down with his body, panting and grunting just behind his head as he snaps his hips fervently. Midoriya hates how well their bodies conform to each other.

Each of Midoriya's moans has an edge of protest. His cunt is throbbing, slick running down his thighs. He feels nauseous as he realizes he might actually come from this, from Present Mic—his teacher—cornering and fucking him like an animal.

He's so nauseated. The sensations overwhelm his body. Mic's thrusts jostle his insides. The stress of everything is—

He heaves, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the bench. His cunt tightens so hard around Mic’s cock that his piercings dig painfully into the walls of his cunt.

And Mic comes. Mic comes inside him, moaning against his neck and wrapping his arms around his waist, bucking into him as he releases his seed. At this, Midoriya retches again, his vomit flowing over the edge of the bench and splattering onto the floor and Mic whimpers pleasantly, forehead pressed against Midoriya's back as his body inadvertently milks his cock dry.

They stay like that for a while, Midoriya laying across the bench with Mic curled around him, both panting hard. He trembles, head pressed into his arm so that he's not laying in his own puke. Any trace of that building orgasm is gone, and he's not even sure whether he came or not. He’s too exhausted to cry like he wants to.

Mic pulls out, releasing a hot flood that runs down his thighs. Midoriya slowly sinks to the floor until he's sitting, head still buried in his arms upon the bench. His cunt feels quite different; irritated and sore, and... stretched out. An awful reminder.

"Fuck," Mic hisses, "that was good."

Midoriya doesn't even flinch.

He hears shifting fabric, then a zip. "Get cleaned up and let's head back to the dorms."

The idea is almost laughable. Midoriya doesn't see himself moving for a very, very long time, if ever again. The image of a very tender space, flooded with a sticky white that has a very good chance of ruining his life forever, is burned into his mind.

He hears Mic's boots clacking against the tile, getting further, then the creak of the locker room door.

"Hurry up, or I might decide to come back and ruin your asshole, too."

The door shuts.

That gets him moving.

Late, late, late.

Late for curfew. Late for school. Late for his period.

He doesn't want to buy a pregnancy test. He can't be pregnant—he's 15! The universe can't be that cruel. It wouldn't make him deal with that after making him quirkless, after the bullying, after all the villain attacks, after… Mic. Nothing is that cruel. It's too much.

But time drags on. He waits on pins and needles for three more days and it keeps being late and eventually his panic outweighs his mortification at having to walk into a store and buy a pregnancy test.

He stares at the box for hours. He doesn't use it. He's not pregnant—he can't be. So he sets it aside, shoved in the back of a drawer that’s promptly slammed shut.

He gets out of bed and takes it at 3AM.

And he cries.

#my writing #dekumic #grapefruit #age difference #lemon #long post #bnha #trans izuku midoriya #rape

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recovery-within-the-iris · 5 years

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Political rant to gain some courage

Once you stop really caring how other people feel about you or your interests, you do become happier.

I get it, being into social justice and removing biase is a good thing and all but not everyone was raised to be completely unbiased and politically correct.

I can go on for days about how privilage truely dose shape the mind but its like your irredeemable if you have one flawed belief on here. People will tear you to shreds, sometimes rightly so but its like they dont know that people do change and they need to be pushed to in a manner that dosent call for their head if they arnt completely woke.

Im white, i recognize this gives me a privilage over colored people. I dont hate myself because im white and im proud of the heritage i have. Im proud of the many european places my ancestors came from and their culture. I may not approve of the actions commited by the government in those place all the time but i understand a whole country cant stand behind something realistically. I know being white dosent make me better than colored people and i advocate for equality for all races. I dont condone violence, missionarism or imperialism.

I have german roots, i enjoy learning about and participating in german culture and its events. I live near a city that has alot of German immigrants in it and is one of the only american cities that wide-spread celebrates Oktoberfest and has a german name. This dose not make me a fucking nazi. This dose not mean i condone the invasions the german military has done in the past aginest jewish, polish, greek etc. People. For fucks sake i have polish immigrant great aunts,uncles and cousins.

I mentioned having a partially german last name and heritage and had a proudly jewish account call me suspicious on the bases of " having an anti-semitic heritage".... What. Are you seriously gonna dehumanize, assume and dismiss an entire culture,country and millions of people based on the actions of one man in charge of the government for a short time?? The actions of his friends and the orders given to soldiers that upheld them? By that logic we can throw just about every single country in existance under the bus for something. This dosnt mean i dont recognise the holocaust, it also dosent mean i condone the active mistreatment jewish people still recieve today. I actively advocate aginest anti-semitism and nazism.

However, If i was an actual nazi per what that account assumed of me, i would be advocating my own death. Im gay, trans, autistic, mentally ill and have polish heritage... I also dont have blue eyes or blonde hair.... And based on the story of how my mom's side of my family came to america... You are spitting in the face of my great grandmother who survived a nazi invasion in holland...holy shit...

Its like people on here dont understand you can be partically privilaged on one side and not on the other and still be a decent person.

I have heavy german heritage and yet i dont comment on jewish issues other than to support the Jewish community.

Im white and yet i dont comment on colored people's issues other than to support the colored community.

I get it, if a privilaged person is over stepping their boundaries, call them out on it but advocating hate towards a whole group of people isnt more progressive or even intelligent.

The goal shouldnt be the oppressed minority attempting to put the privilaged majority in the place of oppression. It dosent teach them anything, your more than likely going to fail and you've gone from victim to bully pretty fucking quickly.

The goal should be equality and fair ness. Instead of this end all be all radical craziness push the scale to the opposite side shit, we should remove the whole fucking scale and everyone stands on equal footing.

No race is better than any other race. No gender is better than any other gender. No country is better than any other country. No religion is better than any other religion.

This isnt even centrism by this point. Its just equalism.

Honestly, being a minority isnt a get out of jail free card for you to harass one person on the actions of others who happen to be apart of it, wether or not by choice.

Example? Sure.

Im transgender. If terfs and transphobes are to be believed, im automatically doomed to rape, murder and torture other people. There are trans people who have raped murdered and tortured other people.But.. Umm.. Ive never raped, murdered or tortured another person... Also cis people have a privilage over me on account of me being of the oppressed minoriy of cis vs trans. Thats over stepping a boundary as most transphobes are cis.

I will call out a cis person or a trans person( looking at you truscum and transmeds) who are openly transphobic. I may call them names like cissy or other things.

I dont call my cis gf a cissy.

I dont call innocent cis people cissy.

What other cis people have done in the past dose not mean that the cis person i am interacting with now is transphobic.

I get it, being trans means you have to be on defence incase the cis person infront of you is openly and/or violently transphobic but its also not fair to assume they are. Yes, this may be considered catering to the majority but its also respectful of other people in a realistic setting.

If i accused a random cis person, who happened to be an aggressive trans ally, of being transphobic just on the basis of being cis. They'd be outraged and rightly so. Accusing someone of being inherently bigoted is... Ignorant.

If i was accused of being inherently racist just on the fact of being white, id be outraged.

If i accused a random binary trans person of being enbyphobic, they'd be outraged.

Any way, though this post has been all over the place, ill give some last concluding thoughts.

If you think your better than someone else who is part of a majority, simpley because you are part of the opposing minority. Your not woke, your not progressive and your really honestly just a dick.

Also being oppressed on one axis dose not erase your privilage on another and opression and privilage dose not exist in a vaccum. No one privilage trumps the rest and no one oppression trumps the rest.

Lastly, dont expect a fucking award for being a decent and respectful person to minorities. Woo hoo, your white and not racist, laa dee fucking da. Your straight and defended a gay person from someone homophobic like any decent person should, you want brownie points? The minority you protected will more than likely thank you but you shouldn't expect more than that.

Thats about it and if your gonna give me shit for pushing for real equality rathur than real superiority( so it pushes out the satire and fun of things like gay superiority or the down with cis bus cause its a joke). You should really reevaluate the last three conclusions of this paragraph and addres your victim/superiority complex, thanks!

Now have a cute gif of zenyatta laughing

#political rant #racism #homophobia #transphobia #addressing the ins and outs of oppression and privilage #tw rape #tw murder #tw torture

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groundramon · 6 years

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I’ve noticed this troubling trend of tumblr of...forgetting aromantic people exist. I know ace discourse is a Hot Topic (not the store) right now and people will intentionally exclude or include ace people in LGBT discussions for whatever reasons they have for participating in the discourse, but....did you notice how it’s called “ace discourse” and not “ace/aro discourse”? I suppose I should be happy nobody’s making jokes at the expense of aro people like they are at ace people (er, there are still jokes, but...) but it still hurts that we’re so overlooked.

Positivity posts exist for us, but they’re few and far between compared to other groups and we’re often excluded from most discussions. When we are included, we tend to be lumped into how “MOGAI is so problematic” discussions and that’s about it.

Pride flags will include the gay, lesbian, trans, bi, pan, ace, nonbinary, and sometimes even agender/genderqueer/other nb gender identity flags, but they rarely include aromantic as an option. I’m not saying you HAVE to make aromantic pride icons, not by any means; this isn’t referring to “hey, here are some lesbian tsuchako icons!” or even “hey, here are some ace pidge icons!” because both of those are icons meant for specific groups. But when it’s obvious that someone is well-meaning and trying to list all the semi-major LGBT groups, it stings just a bit extra because you KNOW they’re trying to be inclusive but they still didn’t include your group. Not like they’re a bad person for it by any means! But that’s the point; they didn’t do anything intentionally wrong or really wrong at all, but it still hurts. And that’s one of the worst kinds of pain of all.

And I know, “oh ace/aro people arent being killed and raped and denied housing and discriminated against in almost all aspects of your life!!!” first off, only one of those is something that doesn’t happen to us (being killed) so fuck you. (And dont bring up “well its because of heterosexual culture/sexism/ect” because heterosexual culture IS part of our oppression and sexism doesn’t play entirely if at all into those three things.) But secondly, that’s...kind of the point? Notice how I said ace/aro people; ace/aro people face (or...faced - I’ll get to that in a second) similar amounts of oppression that’s reflected in similar ways, often utilizing the same language. And yet asexual people get all this pride and recognition, and we get nothing?

I said we used to face the same amount of oppression because while asexuality has become somewhat known nowadays, aromanticism is still virtually unknown. I can tell you that right now because my autocorrect is calling aromantic and aromanticism a misspelling but saying asexuality (and asexual, however that was a word before it was used for the sexual orientation so I dont count it) is a word. See, there was a time when asexuality and aromanticism were considered the same thing, but people were quickly like “no, they aren’t! they’re separate!” So now we’re at the point where society has learned a little about asexual people and is aware that they can have romantic partners. But in the process, we left behind aromantic people. We said “oh, what about the asexual people who CAN have partners?” before we got people to accept those who can’t - and don’t fit into gay positivity or straight privilege because of it - and now I feel like we’ve largely abandoned those who can’t. I recognize it’s important to give acknowledgement to the fact that ace people can be alloromantic, I really do! But we keep forgetting to acknowledge that asexual people can be aromantic, too. Because to us it seems like second-knowledge, when it really...isn’t to the world at large. So we changed our activism, and now nobody knows about asexual aromantic people.

And don’t even get me started on how ignored allosexual aromantic people are. I’m sorry but I really don’t feel qualified to write about their experience because I really don’t know much about them. I’ve never met an allosexual aromantic person that I know of (or have had an in-depth conversation with them about something like this, anyways) but please keep them in your mind when talking about ace/aro activism as well.

Say what you want about the ace community’s relationship with the LGBT community, but the ace community is even more intertwined with the aromantic community than it is with the LGBT community. There’s no possible way to separate the aromantic from the ace community. And yet currently, I’m...really feeling like the alloromantic asexual community has let the aromantic community down significantly. You’re getting media attention now, but you’ve forgotten that many of the people who pioneered this and normalized it were aromantic asexuals - or even aromantic allosexuals - and now you’re more focused on validating your own existence than validating ours. I’m not saying you can’t reblog a good ace discourse post because it doesn’t mention aromantics or can’t enjoy your ace pride icons or anything of that matter. But when you’re speaking in your own words, or making your own icons, please try to think of us and how these issues affect us every once in a while. Basically every aspect of ace discourse applies to aromantic people as well but neither side seems to acknowledge this - and when they do, it’s almost always the ace exclusionist side, which isn’t a good thing. We have our positivity, and please keep that coming! But don’t be afraid to exclude us from tough conversations either. We’re here and we want to be included. So please include us.

- Sincerely, a very tired asexual aromantic nonbinary person

PS if you want to make aromantic pride icons but don’t know which glad to use, the most commonly accepted flag is the green/yellow/white/gray flag. But we’re not going to be picky on which flag you use; we’re just happy you thought of us! ;v; (might wanna be careful about using the green/white/gray flag that doesn’t use the yellow stripe though, as that’s very similar to the agender flag and I get mixed up a lot myself |D)

Allosexuals and alloromantic aces reblogging this would be greatly appreciated, comments/opinions and questions are fine but please be respectful and understand where I’m coming from first

#stormy speaks

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royalrastafariannaynays · 7 years

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i’m a dirty rotten ace inclusionist, and here’s why

so against my better judgement and some advice from friends, ive decided to make a post about ace discourse

because it just kinda... hurts to see shit about it every day. and i feel like a broken record saying that, but it hurts.

if youre reading this, and youre an exclusionist, please read the entire thing and don’t come storming into my inbox to tell me hurtful shit because odds are, ive seen it already and im sure im not gonna cover everything, just some of the stuff ive seen today

So, me. ill tell my story even tho no one asked for it, because unfortunately on this website people demand proof of person in order to give someone validity or some shit. im asexual. and i stick to that, because i don’t really experience attraction or arousal at all. that changes sometimes, but rarely. im genitals-repulsed as well. but i am still intimate with my partner sometimes, and sometimes i force the candle to light, because idk i get bored.

but when i figured out i was ace, i was texting my best friend. and he suggested it, and immediately i felt broken and wrong thinking about the fact that i could be ace. I had to be convinced that it was okay. that’s something that non-ace people dont seem to get. not feeling sexual, or sexual about other, real people, can make you feel broken. it makes me feel like shit, and i have some dysfunction with partners as well. i have trauma in my past, but im convinced that doesn’t have too much to do with it. And maybe it’s a temporary thing, and ill change in the future. But that doesn’t change the fact that it makes me feel like less of a human being when i think about it. and i have no doubt that the idea has crossed other ace peoples’ minds before. “am i broken?” i ask my girlfriend that question so much. because my body doesnt do this thing that both science and the modern media and society tell me that it should do, and should do very easily. my FAMILY tells me its weird and ill be fine. my FRIENDS don’t get it. my mother thinks it’s horseshit. and there’s another thing.

i kinda feel like, if someone is gonna go excluding ace people and shoving them out, will i be shoved out for being closeted, or straight-passing when im not with my girlfriend, as well? it’s a legitimate fear and it feels really bad. and then, can you imagine how it feels having a portion of my identity actively shat on by this website? every fucking day of this month? the pride month?

another thing that non-ace people dont seem to understand or consider, either, is the dysphoria that ace people experience. ace people frequently hate their bodies, feel like they don’t belong in them, or feel separated from normalcy by what they are.

it’s not a “whose suffering is worse” game, though we can still understand that people face greater harm and trials in their life by being different parts of lgbt, and allow people who suffer less, like say people who are closeted, bi or pan people who are “straight passing” dating the opposite gender, etc, to be a part of it. in my experience, lgbt+ is about acceptance and love, and ill stick to that. yes it’s possible to recognize that say, a trans woman would suffer more than a cishet ace. but that doesnt mean that one should be less allowed to be a part than another.

“ace people aren’t oppressed” well no maybe not to the degree that the typical lgbt person is, but around the world people are forced into obligatory sexual situations they may or may not want, and if they refuse or cannot perform, they can be labeled as broken, thrown out of their home, or r*ped. there is social pressure from the intensely sexual modern media; there is social pressure from society and family; there is social pressure from significant others and partners to perform, and then, especially for women, there is pressure to accept things, and there is pressure to perform sexually in order to have a happy life; IE: having children, families, satisfied partners, and so on. no, these aren’t as significant outwardly as “getting stabbed to death for existing” ((which yeah, does happen, but is an extreme example that someone i know loves to use to win arguments by playing the manipulative “of course this means you care less about the human lives of gay men than the thing you’re arguing for” card. im not saying that situations are equal here, jesus, im saying that oppression exists in many forms)). and, for a society where sex is a function that bodies easily perform, it seems easy enough to go along with things. But for some people, bodies either do not or will not perform. or there is repulsion, or other things and i lost my train of thought. got distracted, my apologies

ace people might be cishet, yeah, but that doesnt mean they belong any less in my opinion. no, i dont think they should be able to call themself qu**r, thats stupid. they aren’t allowed to reclaim any slurs that dont belong to them. that’s also really fucking stupid. and im sorry, but no decent person will try to do that. and why not let them come to the club, okay? they still face problems. like i say maybe fifty billion times in this post, yes, they don’t face the same problems, but they still have them.

“start your own community” where? how? if you can give me a legitimate answer on this without frothing at the mouth, please do. But i have no idea how ace people are going to go into starting a community without being ridiculed, shoved aside and stuff. i have no idea how they are all going to bond and meet over a lot of different pipelines of communication, like the ones in communities they are already a part of. shoving people out, putting a stake in the middle of the cracks in the floor, it does nothing to strengthen our community.

“well this person treated me badly” yes and that exists everywhere on this hellsite. I’ve seen a lot of shit, im sure you have too/

the split attraction model, in my opinion, is useful. but mainly for ace people, or aro people, to make describing themself easier in a shorthand. that’s what the model is best for. and if you come into my inbox and say stuff about how “someone forced the split attraction model on me” that was an individual person and does not lend to the usefulness of the model. and then if you come into my inbox with something about “the split attraction model harms people who arent ace and lets people deny their sexuality”. it is a tool. no one forced you to use it. im certainly not saying everyone should use it. in fact, maybe a lot of the people who do use it, should not. but i like the split attraction model, especially for myself. because i can easily identify and people know what im talking about. that simple.

okay, that’s all i wanted to say. i wish i had a concrete conclusion but i am just. really tired. i need to unfollow some people. i just wanted to get it off my chest, and say my peace in a place i can find it. again, sorry for my mobile people

#sorry to people on mobile #long post #hopefully this wont pop up on mobile #:l #ace discourse #minor tmi putting that tag to be safe

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semiconducting · 7 years

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some sexuality talk because ive been reminded of it lately

so as of right now i currently identify as being bisexual. like. just plain bisexual.

but somethin about it doesnt feel right still.

like when i realized i Wasnt Straight (when i was literally 12) i thought hey know i think im panromantic asexual! i dont like thinking about sex its icky but i wouldnt mind dating anybody!

and then after a while it sunk in that i wasnt really pan because i just. dont have a whole lot of interest in men. like there is a slight attraction i guess because i have had crushes on guys in the past. but im not sure if thats a heternormativity thing and i just couldnt distinguish between romantic and platonic feelings.

and its not like ive had a crush on a guy since middle school. everything afterwards has been fictional characters or celebrities so.

so yknow, i was biromantic asexual. i never once questioned the asexuality thing that was the thing that was Right.

and then in a bit romantic feelings were so weird. i felt it sometimes but not always? and it seemed like i was more in love with the idea of a relationship because when actually considering a relationship i always got scared and didnt like it.

grey-biromantic asexual.

and yknow i was one of those aces. sex is gross! i dont wanna see that pda bullshit!

but at the same time? by “pda” i meant straight people like sucking each others faces off and feelin up each other in public like. i never really went to the extent Some People do and act like hand holding or hugs (esp for wlw/mlm) was Just As Icky.

and the “sex is gross” thing. sex was just gross about me. i didnt care if other people liked it, or even talked about it (so long as it wasnt like. in a situation/environment where its Completely uncalled for if you know what i mean?). that’s their business and i’m glad if they enjoy it. it’s their choice and just be safe about it! doesnt affect me at all.

like i still feel some of the same stuff in that i dont really like sexual comments directed at me, some of that may be a rejection of sexuality in a hypersexualized society, some of that may be personal body dysphoria as well, fear of a relationship (especially a sexual one), etc etc

but sex jokes? talking about it? fine. i didnt care much.

and then the ace discourse whatevers popped up on tumblr and i just. really did not like that bullshit. so i separated myself from the ace community and publicly identifying as such. i didnt want to be associated with that, all the homophobia and acting so oppressed in places where nothing was really there. i was ace nonetheless.

also i frankly dont want to dive into my stance on it so let’s skip that.

anywho. so im bi right? always been.

and then, yknow, things sat for a while, and i thought about it and realized that the asexual label just doesnt feel right anymore? like. i still dont like sexual comments. im scared of the idea of a sexual relationship. as a dfab person im still vehemently against hypersexualization.

but also i just realized it wasnt that simple? am i attracted to other people sexually? i dont know really. but its not that strict and also i dont? need to specify it? its not anyone’s business except my own and perhaps a potential partner’s.

and its been really difficult coming to terms with that. i feel so dirty. i feel like not being Completely Against Me Having Sex and Feeling Sexual Attraction is just...like i was lying. for attention for all those years of calling myself ace. i feel like i betrayed myself because this is how ive identified for so long

so its just. trying to recognize that the incoming feelings about sexuality is complicated but....okay? its alright to feel this sort of thing? i kind of looked at myself a little young on the sexual end of things and while that can work for some people it just. didnt for me.

and im a strong advocate for labels change, people and feelings change, its totally okay for you to identify as something different than you once did

but its just one of those things thats ingrained yanno. ive considered myself a part of the ace community forever and its been such a part of how ive approached things.

and like, i know ive been obnoxious about it to some people on occasion. but those who come to mind are people that also loved to take my declaration of asexuality as a chance to shove sexuality back into my face when ive expressed discomfort so. :/ not that im right, but theres reasoning i suppose???

but yeah i dunno. distancing myself from the community was rather easy as ive never had a huge hand in it (not that i do with much in general, but i do post opinions about things and whatnot and im much more an advocate for lgbt rights publicly in general so?). its just separating myself from the label. embracing the sexuality as i grow older and recognizing that it’s okay. that it doesnt make my discomfort with sex any less prevalent, and my stance on sexuality in society and culture any less strong.

in general, like i said, its my business! and i dont think anyone particularly cares to hear about my feelings about sex in deep detail, nor do i need a label for it. so im just bisexual.

but remember the heteronormative crushes and things we were talking about earlier?

that’s what’s ticking me lately.

ive seen a lot of posts on my dash recently about heteronormativity and how it affects lesbians in particular in recognizing their identity.

and like. god my feelings about calling myself a lesbian are really complicated.

like just to name a few

i’m afraid i’m doing shit for attention and im not Really a lesbian

im not really a girl, and i separate myself from femininity so much in favour of my gender identity so i can be a Real Nonbinary Trans

i feel like im invading in the community, and that being sapphic/bi is enough to keep myself around other wlw

it’s not like there arent nonbinary lesbians and im not denying that identity in any way shape or form, its just something for me

like, i always considered myself bisexual because im not a girl. but to people ive “come out to” in person, im a lesbian, because as far as they know im female, right? im not really into men, and i like girls, and that’s usually the quickest way to getting it across.

i think its just an issue of conflicting with my gender identity is all. which has also been recently a little less clear and defined than i thought.

and its another one of those betraying my labels/looking for attention. im bi, and ive always been! so why should i change that yknow.

so thanks if youve read through this mess of me trying to make sense of my thoughts.

#mega overshares: the blog #a lot of my feelings about nearly EVERYTHING can be summarized into:#this doesnt apply to other people of course everyone has their own feelings about xyz and thats totally reasonable. me though? HMMMMM #holding myself to ridiculous standards and mindsets: a memoir #shut up megan

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krykir-blog · 7 years

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My Experience With Transitioning

fuck me im just copying and pasting what I’ve done up until now

Info already so right now i think im nonbinary but i think i might be completely trans idk (edit later in time: i can say for sure I am completely trans, not just nonbinary.), ive felt this way for a while and my bud sen helped me figure it all out bc i was hella confused and i felt very masculine. A year and a few months ago I cut my hair super short and realized that this was how I've always wanted it because oh my god if i ever grew long hair again id want to die, i hate it and i hated how I looked. So that was that and i was like that for a while and I think sometime during the summer of 2015 i figured out what I wanted to be called (ryan). I started out w/ having people on the internet call me that and it was awesome, but kinda weird having people in real life call me by my birth name and it was really odd. Then October came and my stepcousin was getting married- during that wedding was when i told my dad and stepmum i wanted to be called ryan so I consider that to be the time when I actually started transitioning. It took a painfully long time to get my mother on board to be honest, her boyfriend (who is now her ex) was actually down with it right away but of course he didn't call me or my brother that because it would've been awkward, but we had some late night talks about it frequently. When they broke up it was kinda iffy but I think it was soon after that happened that she started calling me and my brother by our preferred names. At a party my parents went to one night they told all their friends about me and my brother and we've been enrolled in a study, which is 6 MRI's total. I've already had 3 MRI's and let me tell you, they suck, but I think later next year I'm gonna have to get my next round- just basically contribution to help trans people or anyone taking hormones to transition. This year I got into high school and I'm going to a place that's pretty far away from where my last school was, so no one there knows me or that I'm female- I'm completely authentic and I think that's pretty cool, it's what I wanted. So far I think that's all you need to know lmao if I have more info to put down i probably will. Thank you guys for the support, i love you <3 8/29/16 First injection of testosterone. No changes yet ofc, but I found that I was hardly hurt by the needle so now I'm a lot more excited lmao. (Dose amount is currently 0.1 ML) 9/5/16 Second injection. Of course, no changes yet, so there's not much to say except this was my first time doing it at home. stepmum did it tbh, it still surprises me at how much it doesnt hurt lmao 9/12/16 Third injection bois. No really noticeable changes yet however i think i have a bit more hair growth from where the bellybutton is down to the nether areas which is still something and I'll take it xD I'm starting to think I prefer shots in the arm tho. Surprisingly they don't hurt as much as far as I can tell?? it's pretty neat lmao 9/19/16 Still no noticeable changes. I can now say for sure that shots hurt less in the arm than the leg, surprisingly enough at least for me lmao one month b o i s 9/26/16 (sorry for being super late with updating this one) still no noticeable changes yet, dosage is still small as all hell >> 10/3/16 No noticeable changes that I can identify, but I have a friend who told me that my voice is deeper. regardless of that, it's not at all by much at least to me and there's still nothing super noticeable and it's rather irritating. 10/7/16 Not a shot, but my first MRI after getting the three baseline scans before I got testosterone. I got my blood drawn more than I ever have and it got to the point where my vision became brightly dotted and my ears started ringing like mad, it was awful, i thought i was gonna pass out. But the MRI itself was actually a lot better than my last three scans, theyve made so many improvements to make it less anxiety inducing. 4/6 MRIs done, 1/3 blood draws done. 10/10/16 SEVENTH SHOT OF T I'VE BEEN OVER THE MOON TODAY THO 'CAUSE I'M GETTING MY DANK ASS FRIEND A BINDER AS fOR the actual T, I haven't noticed any super big changes but my friends are like "yeah jesus christ ur voice is deeper" so I GUESS THATS THAT I also started recording my voice after the sixth shot so ill keep up w/ that too as much as I can 10/17/16 Still no noticeable changes to me, however we got new needles and the measurements are different and it's weird but ye nothing super exciting to say I guess hhh sorry for being so slow at updating this rip 10/24/16 This time the needle really hurt and idk why but oh well. Still no noticeable changes besides more hair growth on my legs and the happy trail area. I compared my voice now to my 6th shot and there's no distinct difference >> i really wish my dosage was higherrrr Also for some reason I keep having dreams of me with longer hair?? it's really not okay :'D I don't recognize pictures of myself with long hair anymore tho so I guess that's something. 10/31/16 -ok so i dont remember getting a shot this day but w/e, im late to updating it- still no noticeable changes 11/7/16 SO I GAVE MYSELF A SHOT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WAS AWFUL 1- I PRICKED MY FINGER AND IT STARTED BLEEDING A LOT AND IT STILL HURTS 2- WHEN I ACTUALLY PUT IT IN MY ARM I DIDNT PUT IT IN DEEP ENOUGH SO IT ALL STARTED COMING OUT AND I WAS BLEEDING A LOT IM SICK FROM SCHOOL TODAY AND I HAD DETERMINATION TO DO IT BUT I DIDNT DO WELL 11/14/16 soRRY FOR BEING AWFUL AT UPDATING i had a really shitty monday this most recent monday but its ok my friend brought their trans bf over and watched me and my borther put in our shots and it was chill no noticeable changes to report i dont think 11/21/16 Nothing special to report, the needle kinda stung tho oddly 11/28/16 AAAND MY DOSAGE IS NOW 0.2 BOIS I GO BACK IN 3 MONTHS AND ITLL PROBS BE UPPED TO 0.3 BUT IM EXCITED I loved the nurse who drew my blood lmao she was really cool, i love the people who work in that office so much. They're all so nice ;v; I have a bit more acne and my doctor said my voice sounded a bit deeper, so I guess I'll take it. Things should hopefully speed up at 0.2. 12/5/16 Second shot on 0.2! It didn't hurt as bad as the last one which is good~ I've been noticing more acne on my face nd shoulders which is also hella //well in progress terms it is 12/12/16 YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING MORE RASPY AND I CAN CRACK IT ALL OVER THE PLACE EASIER THAN I COULD BEFORE ITS NOT SUPER NOTICEABLE YET BUT IM GETTING THERE IM EXCITE SORRY FOR BEING SHITTY AT UPDATING THIS ITS OK 12/19/16 BREATHES NOTHING SUPER NOTEWORTHY BUt my voice iS noticeably going down- not a ton buT AGAIN ITS GETTING THERE ;V; My arm really hurts tho for the first time after and idk why 'cause the shot iddnt hurt at all 12/25/16 Not a shot but just a lil random update ;;v; MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ERRYONE BY THE WAY, I HOPE YOU ALL HAd a great day! sO onto the stuff Today I got an assload of money and I'm deciding to spend a lot of it on a packer and a packing harness. I already bought the harness but I'm gonna have my dad order the packer since there's no good ones on amazon hhhh buT YE IM PUMPED ILL HAVE A BULGE 12/30/16 HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING REALLY NOTICEABLY DEEP IM LITERALLY SCREAMING [link] 1/5/17 I GOT MY PACKER MOTHERFUCKERS ITS HUGE AND ITS GREAT AND IVE GOT A DICK NOW 1/9/17 This is the day I officially became male. This is the day I officially became Ryan. I never have to write my birth name ever again. I am so fucking happy. The judge was super super nice and I was anxious as fuck but it ended up super well. Voice is still getting deeper and im getting hairier in some places, it's great~

#transgender #transitioning #ftm #femaletomale #testosterone #updates #lgbt

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03-23-2018 · 6 years

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Please if I ever try to be with my ex again please remind me.

Reasons not to get back together with him:

Reasons I left my ex:

#1 He hit our daughter in the face, left a bruise on her cheek and there's court documents and proof...

(dont be stupid, this should be enough to remind you, Destiny)

#2 Yelled at our son and got mad at him, even though hes only a baby (2-4months old) would set him down really hard and tell him to shut up. Especially when playing video games.

#3 Smoked for hours outside

#4 Smoking was more important than feeding our children

#5 Smoking was more important than changing our kid's diapers

#6 Video games, the phone and friends were more important than paying attention to myself and the kids

#7 He had really stinky feet and crusty socks

#8 He was never taught to do laundry until he met me

#9 He's really messy and leaves stuff everywhere

#10 Lets dishes mold, never rinsed them

#11 Would make me/rarely ever take care of the kids even though I was sick, ill, tired or just came out of the hospital and refused to help because of selfish reasons

#12 Never contributed financially without throwing a fit or asking his parents to cover it for him

#13 Let the cats suffer with nasty litterboxes, let them poop everywhere, never bought them toys, food, etc.

#14 Yelled at me, made mean faces at me, would pound on the door when I needed space

#15 Would bully our child all day and wouldn't stop until I joined in so he could blame me for it or would direct his anger at me for comforting her

#16 Left his hair everywhere in the shower

#17 Never helped lift, carry or move heavy things unless he felt like it, I had to do it most of the time

#18 Went through classes to help with his behavior for a year then later used that knowledge against me to say I was abusive

#19 Wasn't that affectionate overtime, he became distant, moody, agitated

#20 Treated his parents like shit, told them to fuck off and go away when they would try to help him

#21 Eventually I became the new target when his parents weren't around for him to explode on then eventually the kids when I fought back

#22 Would never buy things we needed, often would spend his money on himself for weed, cigs, guitar stuff, etc.

#23 Snores really loud

#24 Wouldn't give me space when I needed it, would refuse to sleep on the couch

#25 Cheated on me while I was pregnant on Halloween which was my favorite Holiday and an ex cheated on me on Halloween and he knew that so he cheated on me the EXACT SAME WAY my ex did, in a car and slept with a newly 18 year old girl at my brothers house

(as well as that Halloween was the best one our daughter had and he ruined it)

#26 Blamed me for the cheating

#27 Hed blame me for a lot of things

#28 7 out of 10 and 181 out of 200 on the MOSAIC test

#29 Never tried to get a vehicle until we separated

#30 Wouldn't respect my feelings, boundaries and continue bringing people into his life that he knew I was uncomfortable with

#31 Threatened to kill my ex boyfriend the first time I moved on from him, never was able to rekindle even a friendship with my ex over that bc he started dating his ex again.

#32 Threatened to drag my ex's dog from the back of a motorcycle bc he claimed he knew the "hells angels"...

#33 Got mad at me if I used the last of our money on OUR kids if he ran out of weed or cigarettes

#34 Had a problem with all of my friends, regardless of gender, but especially if they were overweight, ugly or really close to me.

#35 Often told me I should have had plenty of attractive female friends and was mad that I didn't

#36 Convinced me every guy I talked to was out to harm me, have sex with me or rape and/kill me and to get away from them asap.

#37 Almost left me, pregnant, with our daughter on the streets in Reno so he could go back home to Gridley bc he had work the next day. He didn't care about our safety, he cared more about his job. He yelled at me for about 2-3 hours in the parking lot for refusing to get in the car with his abusive friend's girlfriend (in reno) until some man intervened and took us to get food. He then left me and our daughter stranded for about an hour or two to get our luggage and I had to beg someone to give us enough money to get a hotel and then when my brother showed up to get us he had me leave with his parents bc he had them come get us thus resulting in my bro and his gf probably being a little irritated about everything.

#38 the second time I left him and moved on with a boyfriend he quit his job (the same one he would've abandoned us in reno for) so that way he could stay at home with us

#39 my water broke early and he'd visit me in the hospital very rarely and barely tried, sometimes he'd cause fights in the hospital

#40 yelled at me while our son was in the NICU and rarely wanted to go take care of him when we went to see him

#41 weed, cigs and drinking are very important to his identity and he would judge someone if they didn't partake

#42 Used the "Hells Angels" club to intimidate me or people I knew/loved/cared about over a lot of things

#43 I was the main person who paid for everything, did everything, sent him to walk with my money to get things we needed sometimes having to plead and beg him to do it and it still was never good enough. I never did enough for him or anybody

#44 Would call me psycho a lot or crazy and threaten to do something about it when I'd stand up for myself

#45 Kept his abusive father around even though he almost was killed by him Christmas of 2016

#46 Our kids were told to shut up or stop crying, our first kid by his father when we lived with him then later our son was treated the same by Jesus

#47 Kept anything around that would bother me, did things that'd bother me, constantly would push buttons to keep me miserable even when I opened up and told him it made me miserable he continued doing it

#48 Blamed everything and everyone for his own actions

#49 Would tell me he loved me, but would rarely ever show it

#50 Hated my parents and would talk shit about them any chance he'd get as well as other family members

#51 He'd purposely ignore me when I'd talk and wouldn't reply to me even if he heard me

#52 he’d get mad at the sound of me eating, chewing or any small things that were normal. I noticed he started making me food less and less.

#53 would yell at me if I changed my mind about having sex

#54 Was a VERY ANGRY drunk and did try to hit me or be abusive while drunk

#55 would yell and/or intimidate the kids and me for hours, sometimes we had to lock ourselves in the bedroom, I have recordings of him screaming for hours and banging on the door not allowing us to sleep...

#56 would lie about things to “save face” or keep his reputation clean, especially his DV charges with me + our kid(s) (even though its in court documents and on file)

#57 thought things I learned in my psych class were bullshit and argued with my education

#58 lack of contact for days, weeks, months on end about the children, says one thing does another, doesn’t want to co-parent or get along for the children’s sake, doesn’t want to meet my significant other or meet people the children will be around, which is ridiculous bc I think the children deserve better than that

#59 hated my self expressive part of myself, hated that I was polyamorous, didn’t accept things about me like my openmindedness about lgbt/trans/ things I was passionate about, very close minded and judgemental and held me back from being able to fully be myself

#60 refused to leave my side when we’d break up, would threaten to take the kids to another country, would intimidate or stay in the household or prevent me from being able to move on. No intentions of letting me live my life without him so I had to flee and separate us both from our children to forcibly get him out of the picture.

#61 still had to “save face” myself to slowly break the relationship to move forward

#62 he believed staying together was better for the children, even in a miserable, toxic and extremely unhealthy environment that he made minimal efforts to change

#63 screamed and yelled and made me feel ashamed of myself a lot of the time

#64 would hold our daughter down or use very sexist, overpowering punishments. would use scare tactics or anger towards her.

#65 Never took responsibility for his errors, it was hard to get him to admit his faults. had to use the “dont know what you got until its gone tactic” and walk away or cut off communication, if even possible

#66 his parents called me by his exes name for almost the first year of our relationship

#67 said I was supposed to cook, clean and give him kids and do very old-fashioned things for him

#68 would make me think there were evil entities and scare me to stay awake all night with him

#69 he’d interrupt me a lot and would barely let me feel, would barely allow me to cry without yelling at me or making the argument about him, even if it was originally about my feelings about something that hurt me

#70 I was barely ever able to have a voice and couldn’t go out and do things for fear of upsetting him if it was with someone he didnt like/ didnt approve of.

#71 criticized my music taste, made me feel bad about liking certain artists

This list is not a direct representation of the entire relationship. It is only a small percentage of the toxic, unhealthiness that I endured. This is a personal journal entry I have chosen to share, this was my reality. I am hoping that people will use this knowledge to recognize when they might need help, to reach out, to look into resources, recognizing abuse, unhealthy behaviors, and basically to utilize it as a tool, not an instrument to bully or harass anyone, including myself and/or person(s) unnamed.

I also understand these are my personal experiences and reasonings, not everyone’s situations are the same as mine. Please dont take offense to anything, it’s not directed at you. This list is the MAIN thing that helped me move forward and leave an unhealthy lifestyle, without it myself and my kids would have continued to suffer and possibly endure and escalation of abuse. I got away and decided not to take that chance or have it be a possibility. Thank you for reading this.

http://www.thehotline.org/

If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224. Users of web browser Microsoft Edge will be redirected to Google when clicking the “X” or “Escape” button.

More to be added soon as I think of them

(I will be rereading this a lot to myself when I feel weak and I'm posting it to share with others so you all are aware and hopefully can and will help keep me focused on moving forward away from him)

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