#someone shouldve told me no

[marsneedstherapy]

at this point, I'm gonna end up with a least 4 different copies of fhh

#bc i got the fairyloot edition #a signed copy #a regular copy #and i need the barnes and noble exclusive #im so delusional #no one should have let me have my own money #bc this is what i do with it #i own way to many copies of chloes books in general tho #i have 3 copies of lvc 💀💀 #i also own 3 copies of tvd #😭😭 #someone shouldve told me no #yolo tho #chloe gong #foul lady fortune #secret shanghai #foul heart huntsman #these violent delights #last violent call #our violent ends

[oceanwithouthermoon]

me watching my mutuals move on from their saiki k phase but im autistic and nothing can ever be a phase for me and i'll just be here forever

#i havent even been here that long #tumblr that is #been literally a few months #someone shouldve told me the saiki k fandom was active on here then i wouldve come sooner #its not really active anywhere else #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #meows post

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out) #we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

[ark1os]

.

I didnt know the tags woulr be so much i shouldve just wrote a long vent 😭😭😭 rip

#lol. there are still times where my brain goes omg what if you’re really a narc #and then i go out of my way to make sure my friends are as comfortable as possible and thati meet all their needs and i apologize every few #minutes for something silly or for maybe hurting them unintentionally and then i remember of #every fallout w people in my life where i was always taking responsibility for my actions n for my role to what led to the fallouts no #matter how toxic the person was and i remember all the times i geniunely apologized to my siblings for my mistakes (without them pointing #out i did smth wrong) and i remember all the tomes someone told me i hurt them and i owned up to it and apologized and then i go #oh ywa. maybe not ? #bonus: all the times i helped someone out in secret to bring some ease in their life without ever telling them or bragging eith it or #using it against them or reminding them that i did x y z for them #and then all the times where my guilt ate me up at nights and i cried and the times where i brought out the best of people because my love #is Nuturing. yea #AND I GUESS THE FACT THAT MY EX BEST FRIEND TOLD ME IM A NARC AND I STRAIGHT UP WENT OMG YEA! PROBABLY! BECAUSE I WOULDVE BELIEVED HER #ANYTHING 😭😭😭😭 BECAUSE INWAS SO SURE SHE KNEW ME BETTER THAN I KNEW MYSELF! 😭😭😭 #BECAUSE I HAD LOST MYSELF COMPLETELY IN THE FRIENDSHIP 😭😭😭😭 NOT VERY NARC OF ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #but yea. i guess abandonment issues apathy and lack of communication skills (which leads to passive aggressivness) will make you look like a #narc i get where she came from! but still. if i ever see someone diagnose other people i will simply tell them to shut up #especially based on sentences taken out of context. not very sexy #and also very stupid. #rationally seen i shouldve kicked out the thought that im probably not one when my therapist told me theres no chance i am but. when you get #treated like a freaking mondter from the people you’ve trusted deeply. it does something to you >.> #also when my therapist said that she has No rights to make Any diagnosis or statements about other people because whatever i tell her its #going to tell her more about me than them. i shouldve just dtopped believing it honestly. like freaking sideeye to those therapists thst #told my ex friends im a narc. and a big fat kiss to my therapist for being such a beautiful empathstic underztanding patient beautiful and #kind person #alhamdulillah ^-^ #kicked out the thought thst i am one * #and also a big fat sorry for being hsving no empathy. my communication skills are getting brtter and im working on my abandonment issues #(sfter being abandoned by my closest friends and family hello this is so sexy of me) and im soooo much more st peace w myself n i like and #care aboyt myself ^-^ even just writing a list of positive things ahout me is smth i wouldve never done two years ago #(also my family took me back alhamdulillah eheh)

[postgameroutesix]

i am not immune to beautiful anime women and men

#ive been outta the enstars loop someone shouldve told me my gf + bf got new cards‼️ #★: ens

[arcaneyouth]

running a tumblr tournament is like one of the fastest ways to be dehumanized on this website. nobody sees a poll and thinks haha that was made by a person who has to look at this comment im going to make. poll runners are so fuckin treated like they dont have emotions and boundaries. people talk on my polls as if im not there and cant see them shit talking me and other voters. and i cant even complain about it without people calling me a pussy for not being able to handle the endless stream of hate

#negative #sorry im feeling things again <3 #when i announced i was removing characters from my tournament because i nearly had a panic attack over the drama #someone actually told me to suck it up and deal with it and that i shouldve expected that to happen #like you realize thats a problem right. that our current tumblr culture means wanting to run a silly poll guarantees you will #have to deal with the most horrendous fucking bullshit. you get that thats bad right. #obviously some negativity is to be expected. but to the point of a panic attack? that shouldnt be the norm.

[lonereaper]

This asshole keeps looking at me from across the google docs

#someone shouldve told me that having a band means you have to write songs

[anxsity]

Schrodingers email. if i never open it it will always remain potentially beneficial. this way i can never be disappointed. wdym whyd it take me weeks to respond

#save me vodka redbull. vodka redbull. vodka redbull save me #i keep my hope by perpetually remaining in the waiting for a response stage before im told 'oops sorry i cant help you' #yknow what scene is living in my head on loop recently? that one from frasier when hes having his midlife and talks to his old mentor #and his mentor says well then treat urself like one of ur patients. what would you do if someone told you theyre feeling empty. #and they go back and forth and the mentor shutting down his approaches. and frasier says theres an exercise he could suggest- #and the mentor says 'hes already done that. why do you keep trying to bury him in psychiatric exercises?' and he just shouts back- #'bc thats all i have.' and just turns back to the empty chair he was sitting in as the patient and quietly says 'im sorry. i cant help you' #bc it just feels constantly like im sorry. i cant help you. to myself. #all of which to say is my mother shouldve never allowed me to watch frasier growing up it did something to me

[weirdlizard26]

grbrggbfrgbbffbrg

#wl26 #hrng #feeling cute might never talk to anyone ever again #why do i alllllways say the wrong thing #or idk #one moment i have this one image of the world #and i think doing things in a certain way is correct #then i learn that apparently its wrong and you should communicate if youre unhappy about something #ans so i apply that to my life onward #and then like im sorry this happened but maybe next time tell me youre not ok with this #only to then be told that i shouldve known #and i guess i should have #but i didnt #because assuming is also wrong #because not everything is about me #so is there no way of doing anything right or am i just an asshole and a loser with memory so bad i cant recall what happened last week #did happen? did i just think about doing or saying it so hard that my brain registered it as a real action? #who fucking knows man #im so tired #i dont know #is there something wrong with me or am i jusy a jerk #am i just faking the whole neurodivergent shit so that i can make excuses for myself when someone gets hurt #is that all it is

[funstyle]

just privated everything on my bandcamp

#god it's so bad someone shouldve told me to quit drinking then

[todayisafridaynight]

SORRY TO TAKE SUCH A HARD LEFT BUT HOW DO YOU THINK JO FOUND OUT ARAKAWA WAS DEAD

IM GOING TO SCREAM IF I TRY TO THINK ABOUT THAT NOOOOO I GOTTA GET BACK TO YOU IN 5-7 BUSINESS DAYS WITH THAT ONE............

#snap chats #id shit and cry if aoki was the one that told him in a condescending/bitchy way yk what i mean #like as if to jab at jo like 'oh dont worry about dealing with dad- since you were too incompetent to do it i had someone else handle it' #not that word for word im SURE but yk what i mean. just GENERALLY thats the energy #the timing of this ask is soooo funny i was just talkin to my twit friend bout arasawa #and how youve been inspiring me to draw it more again as of late and this is NOT helping !!!! i am ADDING IT to my LIST #cause i want to be in pain i guess (;´༎ຶ▽༎ຶ`) I JUST SEE IT SO CLEARLY IN MY HEAD EGUUUGHH #im still gonna chew on the idea of How tho im still gonna chew on it cause i have other stuff lined up Obvi but..... OUGH PAIN... #verrrrry awkward when i post a thing in liek an hour cause that shit gon be a lil cute so then i just got this in the back of my dome ☠️☠️ #thank you........ #throwing up as i remember aoki being like 'you're acting strange lately' brb #OUUGHHGH dying. #LIKE IM JUST THINKIG OF ALL THE EMOTIONS JO WOULDVE BEEN FEELING- /ESP/ IF HE WAS IN FRONT OF AOKI #how would he even cope... i mean judging by the eye scene Not Well butu OUUGHvLKJVALKJ #ITS THE CONFLICTED FEELINGS AGAIN CAUSE LIKE he SHOUULDNT care as much as he does right... #arakawa was just his boss... but if THAT was the case why not take him out when jo was first asked too..... #aoki is his priority in life right...... arakawa wasn't supposed to be anyone important BUT THEN HE DID BECOME IMPORTANT #making myself throw up #anyway this is why jo shouldve been allowed to rip tendo to shreds. in my humble opinion. <- sobbing #NAWWW IT THE WAY I HAVE TO GO OUT WITH MY SIS RIGHT AFTER THIS WELKFJALFKJLKVJ #I CANT BE NORMALLLLL

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I'm having a bad time at work rn

#im so pissed that they're complaining about me because i still went above and beyond at this damn place #for context i work in a gas station connected to a fast food restaurant #i used to work in the restaurant but i left because it's hell #but then the restaurant manager asked me to cover two days a week for a month while someone else was getting trained #i didnt want to but im bad at saying no #after the second week i asked the general manager if i could get out of it and he said yes #he said i can get out of the fourth week. but the third week was already scheduled so he asked me to do that #so i did the first day of the third week right #and the overnight crew didnt show up. no call either. so i was left alone. and a store manager told me to just shut it down and go home #so thats what i did #but the next day the restaurant manager yelled at that store manager because we should never shut it down #he said that i shouldve stayed until 3am because i was the shift lead #thats four fucking hours after my scheduled shift ended #so i said no. fuck it. shutting down by yourself is hell. and im not working where he expects an extra four hours from me #so i said i wouldnt be working the second say of that week. i was going ti stay at the gas station #BUT I said that if they needed my help they could come get me. and i would take care of the casb registers at the end of my shift #and i ended up working there for an hour so that they could take breaks. and i took care of the registers #and yknow what happened? the overnight crew didnt show up again. im so glad i didnt work there that night #the store manager let everyone go home. but she was told to never let that restaurant close. so she didnt #the lights were on. the doors were open. there were no staff. no one is putting up with the restaurant manager's bs #especially not me. not anymore. but i still fucking helped. and then he wants to go and complain about me? asshole #get staff that show up and be a better manager. then maybe people will be happier with their job there

[celticwoman]

fucked up that a 21 year old teen girl has to work

#absolutely disgusting. whys no one doing anything about this? #manifested a bit too well when i told my mom id surely get a job before the year was over. someone shouldve shot me for that #sigh. lets just. be positive #itll be fine #delulu is the solulu. as caroline says #maybe she was right. dont tell her that #cami.txt

[tfshouldidohere]

i have never felt that anxious in my entire life

#ok so i went to the mall today #and my mom usually picks me up from the mall wnvr im there cuz she passes by the mall when shes coming home from work #but today her sched was running a lil later than usual so she wouldnt be able to get off of work til 8 #so she told me to go home first using the Mall's Bus™ #i have nvr used the mall's bus within the two years ive lived in the city mind u ^^^ #and bcuuuuuuz of that #i spent an extra 2hrs waiting for the bus bcuz i didnt know there was #1: a ticket booth area (cuz usually most buses here pay on the bus) #and 2: a fucking line for first come first serve seats #which tbf i shouldve figured that out cuz there were literal signs but i wasnt thinking straight ok 🧍🏻‍♀️ #so when its almost 8 im like "oh no what if my mom gets out of her meeting earlier than expected n that she's looking for me and im not hom #omg she might think i got kidnapped (there was a recent incident of #someone getting stabbed w a needle w drugs in the busier part of the city) #and i didnt want her to panic so i tried chatting her on messenger that im still at the mall waiting for the bus #and i was suuuper panicky so i ended up phrasing it like i wanted her to pick me up #and then i realized “i have no internet” cuz i forgot to buy cell data 🧍🏻‍♀️ and tht means i cant text her too #so i have to ask the girl next to me for her hotspot thingy so i can message my mom #and then she doesnt even *seen* my message bcuz she was probs still in her meeting #and then i realized im on 6% ?!?!!??! and the bus arrives ?!!?!?!?!? and i cant connect to the girl's hotspot cuz she alrdy turned it off #and alrdy got on the bus !?!?!? #and like 10 mins into the ride n then my phone vibrates and its my mom ?!?!?!? #she said she was on her way to the mall to pick me up ?!?!??!?!?! #and im trying to contact her but ?? my ?? chats ?? wont ?? go ?? thru ?? cuz i have no data ?!?!?! #AND to make things worse #i rmbrd that my BusFi teacher told me to retake the quiz i missed the other day online ?!?!?! #and she SPECIFICALLY mentioned itd be available for like the entire afternoon #but then i rmbrd that i was on my phone most of the time when i was in the mall but i didnt get any notifications for it tho ??? #so im like “?!??!!?!? what do i do ?!?!?!?!” #and so thats the story of me dying on the Mall's Bus™ #tfshouldirambles

[twosomeofcuteness]

Guys, Queen Clarion is so hot. I literally can't even

#queen clarion #someone really shouldve told me lesbians existed when i was little #wouldve figured that shit out a lot sooner

[finnslay]

I'm so confused with tomorrow

there's a soccer game. I don't know where I go. Only certain kids can go to the media center. You have to have a 504 or IEP. I have a 504. But I don't wanna go to the media center... I wanna be able to sit and watch a soccer game with my friends and partner and make jokes and be freezing on the bleachers and complain about how I should've just not come because this day is pointless

The media center isn't gonna help anyway. I don't understand anything that's happening I'm gonna freak out. The soccer game...well...at least I know what's going on..

I just wanna be like the other highschoolers...I don't want to need special accommodations. I don't want to go into the "backup plan" for the kids who can't handle it...

I'm just gonna he alone when I freak out and they'll all try to help in the wrong way and it's gonna get worse and I'm gonna wanna die before going back to school...it's gonna make me hate myself even more and then im just gonna be miserable all weekend

Because it basically shows in my face that I can't be normal. I can't do fun things like other teens. I just have to sit in another room while the world goes on without me. They don't know how miserable that can make a person feel.

When I do freak out, they're gonna make it worse. Because they think they know how my brain works but they don't. None of them do... I hate when they follow something because "protocol" or some bullshit...because last time they did they tried to drag me into a wheelchair. It's terrifying...

It. Doesn't. Help.

And I don't even know what my 504 plan is...I don't know how it works. Nobody told me.

So basically. They're really fucking good at making someone feel worthless...

#why is it like that #someone shouldve told me what a 5p4 was #if its for me why not tell me ehats on the fucking plan #instead of just shving me into a new place #with 10 times the kid #in less than half the grades #and maybe tell me how its gonna work #instead of just letting me #“figure it out” #because that makrs me hate myself more than i already do.... #amd itakes me think that my brain eill never be good enough for them.... #i should just... #get pushed to the side #and stored away #with all the other broken parts