#some of the most heartrending stories are the ones where there literally was never any choice

[navree]

Why do you like Aegon's suicide theory? I feel it's extremely sad and pretty grim ending for him

The thing is, Aegon's death is always going to be sad and grim. No matter what, it's someone who has been put through the absolute ringer, not just emotionally but physically as well, dying an ignoble death without a chance to feel a moment's calm. It's Aegon literally never knowing peace or joy in his reign and his death reflecting that. And we know Aegon died of poison, so the other option is murder. That's also sad and grim, that Aegon was prepared to keep on fighting and go down swinging but he was cut down, backstabbed and betrayed, by people he trusted to be by his side, torn from what precious remnants of his family he had without even a say. It's fucked up no matter which way you look at it.

But why do I prefer the theory that Aegon chose to kill himself? I answered in more detail about why I think it makes sense for his character here, but the main reason I like it is this: it gives Aegon agency. Aegon didn't choose to be born. He didn't choose to be in the middle of the problems his mother and Rhaenyra had. He didn't choose for his dad to fuck everything up. He didn't choose to be the eldest son. And he certainly didn't choose to become king, we saw that he was dragged kicking and screaming and begging to the Iron Throne in spite of what he wanted. Aegon was led to his fate, to all the horrible things that happened, like a lamb to the slaughter, forcing down the tears already on his face because he didn't have a choice. He had no say in what happened to him, it was predetermined by the actions of others long before he was born and by the very customs of the world in which he lives. That's the great tragedy to him, that there was no other way, no other option. But, everyone else be damned, Aegon will choose how he dies. Aegon knowing that he's in an unwinnable situation, and already sinking into despair, but deciding that at least he's going to go out on his own terms is good. Aegon choosing to take his life into his own hands just once, even if it's at the end, Aegon having this one moment of agency where he's the one making choices, where he's the one controlling his own destiny and his own path, I find that powerful.

It's sad and it's grim, yes, but it does offer some sort of catharsis, Aegon being able to make this one decision, being master of his own fate for this one moment. Aegon didn't choose to be born, no, he didn't choose any of this, but he's damn sure that he'll choose how he dies, and no one can take that away from him once he does it. It offers a resolution to him as a person and to his arc as a character that I feel isn't present if he's just murdered. And since we're turning this from a history book where these kinds of fruitless, sad, grimdark things can Just Happen, because that's how history works, into a proper narrative, I think it's stronger for the story as well, not just as a send off to Aegon.

#personal #answered #anonymous #some of the most heartrending stories are the ones where there literally was never any choice #that it was always going to be this way and you don't get a say in that #so aegon getting to throw that off and make this one choice for himself #yeah i fuck with that really hard #and i think it gives him something that he wouldn't get if it's just out and out murder by corlys and larys

[amiramorozova]

Dual Summoner x The Darkling pt. 17

Looking around we were alone still so he leaned down and kissed me as I kissed him back. I didn't want people to find out about us right away. While we were in our moment we heard someone suddenly walk up and clear their throat. Pulling away from each other we saw that it was Baghra. I knew the next few training sessions she wasn't going to go easy on me.

"I hope you had fun because you'll be working twice as hard until you make up your time." Baghra said, "and you will meet me out at night by the lake to train what we didn't for years." 

"You don't have to be so hard on her, you know she's dedicated to her studies. Everyone deserves a break." Aleksander said, "She is my soldier, I get to tell her what to do." 

The tension between the two of them was clear as day to me being they were both shadow summoners. I could see he was tense and I put my hand on his arm as he looked at me, the conversation we had was clear. Baghra insisted I come with her instead of staying there with him.

"I'll find you later." Aleksander said to me

"Of course." I said 

Walking over to Baghra I saw her take a look at me, her eyes stopping at the necklace around my neck. She didn't directly say anything when we started walking together to her training area, I knew that there was a lot to do. The fold was on my mind and the options of making it a weapon or destroying it lingered with me. I knew if I sided with him on making it a weapon I could be branded a heretic like him. Once inside the area Baghra had me sit and sat across from me as she waited. 

"Call the water." She said

I put my hands together following her orders as I had water come to my hands and it was a big ball in between my hands. I had done some training while I was there when I was with Nico. Just the thought of Nico and that fight made me falter and I lost it as I covered my eyes. 

"You aren't focusing enough." Baghra said as she hit my arm.

"Stop it." I said, "I had a bad day yesterday." 

"How could you have a bad day? You went out with the general. A week of freedom from this place." Baghra said 

"I ran into an old friend, he's in the first army." I said as I removed my hand looking at her "He was pressing his opinions at me and I got angry. We had a fight." 

"Is that why you have a darkling's symbol around your neck?" Baghra said "You are becoming like all the other Grisha girls." 

I stood up knowing she knew how much I hated the idea of her comparing me to the other girls. I was holding strong on not being anyone's pet. Aleksander had promised I wouldn't be his pet but something more. I put my hands together and brought the water back as I had it the same size then I expanded it as she watched and nodded. Then I let it go and I put my hands together as I called forth the light. Her surprise at how strong it looked made me wonder what happened and I just held it.

"Were you training over there?" Baghra asked

"He told me I didn't have to but I did. When you literally see the fold in close distance it kinda fuels you to want to get better." I said 

She had me show a few of my father's techniques which I still struggled with but I managed to form them. I was glad this Kefta was able to let me move and when we were done she had me sit. Thoughts were going through her head I could see as she got up and got something to drink bringing it over to me and I took it. We both sat quietly drinking as I waited for her to lash out or say something.

"I must confess something." Baghra said 

"What is that?" I asked

"Your father made a deal with me." Baghra said 

"I'm aware, you promised to keep his child safe if anything happened." I said 

"Well that was the deal we made after the first deal." Bahra said 

I looked at her curiously now because she'd never mentioned this before on what was going on. I started to think of what else they could have made a deal on besides everything that had happened. Still, I waited to see if her answer was going to be as I took another sip of my drink.

"When Aleksander was a boy, I traveled a lot when I came across your father for the first time. He was cold and trying to use so little of his power to maintain warmth. So I offered to train him but I wanted something in return." Baghra said 

"What?" I asked

"I told him I would train him to control his power and hide them. In return, if he had a daughter, I wanted her to marry Aleksander to form a unity between the two families as I had a feeling she would be like him." Baghra said, "I knew Aleksander would be eternal so it did not matter how long he would have to wait for her to be in his life...this was before the fold was ever created and before his healer was killed. Now we are here and I have tried everything to keep you from Aleksander but you are a dual summoner. Grisha Born of two bloodlines who can use two kinds of the small science and it feeds you every time you use it." 

I had taken another sip of my drink when Baghra had told this story about my father. It went down wrong and I had to cough a bit to clear my throat, not the first time someone has shocked me with information. Aleksander and Baghra were good with catching me off guard but I looked at her knowing that at first I considered she was lying.

"You arranged this but now you don't want me to be with him." I said 

"I don't want him to use you Amira. He has had enough time to manipulate naive girls." Baghra said 

"Well he isn't manipulating me. He knows I know the truth about him, all the names people called or call him." I said "I asked him about the fold this morning." 

"Merzosts was a forbidden science, but he used it." Baghra said "I wanted a Grisha daughter-in-law who would not die so easily." 

"stop interfering Baghra, you made this arrangement you cannot back out of it. Maybe I can do more than you're thinking. We can make Grisha safe and maybe the fold can help in some ways. I can't do it alone, I know that already." I said "Wait did you know my grandparents?"

Baghra seemed shocked at my words and I hadn't decided whether I wanted to destroy the fold or help expand it. "Yes Amira, I know your father's parents. They're alive and in hiding." Baghra said. Knowing she knew them surprised me and they were alive but where were they? I knew I needed to talk to Aleksander about what Baghra had done and the arrangement she'd made with my father. I left without saying a word after I set the cup down and walked back into the little palace. So much going through my mind at the moment and not enough time to process it all. 

As I walked around I came across Marie and Nadia as I waved to them to get their attention. I noticed Marie was distracted by a heartrender and I watched as they were talking, getting a little closer just in case any help was needed I waited. I saw her accidentally light him on fire and I put my hands together and used water to help extinguish the fire as they both saw me.

"Amira, welcome back." Marie said, then I saw her eyes go to my necklace "Oh"

"Thank you, it seems you uh were about to hurt this heartrender." I said 

"I am Sergei Beznekov, I was asking Marie out." Sergei said 

"So you set him on fire by accident?" I asked Marie

"I panicked, no one has asked me out before." Marie said "But you clearly have been asked out." 

I touched my necklace knowing that it was a symbol of protection but a symbol of claim on me too. I couldn't tell Marie that Baghra had arranged for us to be together, not until I could tell her everything. 

"Yeah, sort of. Happened last night." I said 

"Well take things slow, if you can." Marie said

"Of course." I said nodding

I needed space so I walked away from them and headed off to figure out what I was going to tell Aleksander. I knew that there was so much more than I could possibly do at this moment, but the fact remained that I had free will. If I chose to turn my back on him one day he would be hurt but at the same time I was falling for him.

Once he knows the truth will he try to insist we get married right away? I thought

I shook the thought from my mind quickly. Marriage was a big step and I was nowhere read to have that commitment. I needed time to think about all of what I knew and what I had been told. Most of all I knew I had another task at hand which would be finding my grandparents to meet them for the first time.

#shadow and bone #general kirigan #aleksander morovoza #darkling x reader #team darkling #darkling #the darkling #fanfic

[julies-butterflies]

Honestly, your writing reminds me a lot of the buffyverse. Just the perfect balance of humor and sadness and romance and heart that just feels like a vivid window into the world you've created.

God the Body...the best forty minutes of television I may never watch again. I've rewatched Willow and Tara's kiss (because I'll adore them forever), but just...the weight of it. It took me a full month to work up the nerve to watch the episode, to be ready to cry that much.

What you said about not wanting people to suffer, because of your work...It's never once felt like that for me. And I've cried a LOT while reading your work. I'll try to explain it the best I can

Grief can be so isolating, and disorienting. Your world goes topsey-turvey, supports you took for granted go flying into the abyss and suddenly it's a minefield of those glass shards. And no one's grief is identical. No two circumstances are the same. It's not possible for anyone else to know exactly how you feel, because no two hearts break alike.

Sometimes, it's because people just don't understand. Sometime's it's because they no longer want to. But some days, that feeling of aloneness can be crushing.

Then one night, I stumbled upon Let These Shadows Fall Away Like Dust. That one hit me way harder than I was ever expecting. The question of how to grieve the living, the dilemma on when forgiveness is deserved...Alex's anger, his devestation, the rawness of it all....That's my broken glass. Those are concepts I've been struggling for over a year. I'm still picking up pieces every day.

I sobbed, because it was such a relief. To see the feelings that had been scrambled up in my mind just reflected there, on my screen. The reminder I had desperately needed, that I was not alone. That even though my circumstances were different, I was not the only one trying to unravel those messy emotions.

Then again, I also read your deathfic for fun, so maybe I'm not the best judge of this. I tend to like angst. I tend to get a lot of "WHY WOULD YOU MAKE IT THAT SAD" in group chats :D

Please don't feel any pressure to respond to me quickly or anything. I never mind the wait. I'm so sorry for the rough times. Wishing that you and your family gets whatever you need to help ease your storm. Sending love and support as well.

(sorry for all the metaphors. I'm super sleepy and apparently, I resort to purple prose when tired lol)

I know exactly what you mean about Emily. I understand why people don't like her, but I just love to see her written as such a grey character. It's just so much more powerful when the love is so clearly there.

I mean, that's what a tragedy is, really. Love cut short. Grieving a future that could have been everything, if fate had not been cruel. I don't know if you know musical theater, but I like to think about the Barber and His Wife, from Sweeney Todd: the whole tragedy of that show, is that they were happy all together, and then permanently broken. How their paths keep crossing, but they never connect to heal. Never lost, but never found.

And that's the tragedy of Luke and Emily: too stubborn and too late. You find that grey area, the messiness so well, and just bring it all out so wonderfully. You do the same with Bobby/Trevor, ESPECIALLY in the horror and the wild. God, that absolutely devestated me. I'm not a big fan of horror in general, and I haven't explored the genre that much but...if all horror is like yours then DAMN, I might just have to become a fan.

This got super long (lol) so I'll wrap it up now but! THE SIC FIC QUEENS TOGETHER???? When I tell you I lost it.... all too well Bobby and what you've lost reggie in the same story are killing me. I am hooked and incredibly hyped. Loved both updates so far, and cannot wait to see where the story goes!

Oh yeah and I forget: I have to ask, do you have a fan cast of the one, the only, the incredible Keith Richards? (and that goblin is so cute!!! I really want to pet the blood thirsty monster. So badly)

Love, your totally-not-undead-pen-pal, :D

-Vampire Anon

Know musicals? Vampire Anon my beloved, I am a musical theatre bitch. Take a look at my high school graduation cap! (Anastasia is my favorite musical... something about the themes of home, love, and family, the idea of always finding a place in the world even after enduring incredible hardship, that anything is survivable with faith and love in your heart... I'm also a Romanov history bitch, and Christy Altomare is such an incredible talent and human being.) Literally, talk to me about musicals anytime!

And yeah, I definitely see your metaphor... the tragedy of The Barber and his Wife was how close they came to each other throughout the whole show, existing within reach the entire time, after being separated for so long. But it wasn't the same; it never could be. Time and trauma had changed them both into something unrecognizeable, and when they came face-to-face, they could only hurt each other. At a certain point, the ghosts of your past are meant to stay ghosts. Sure, you might want them back more than anything --- but what would it mean? What would you truly be getting back?

Luke's "back", of course, and he comes home to visit his parents multiple times... but they're not the same people he left. They're older, greyer, changed by grief... while he's just the same. A snapshot forever frozen in time, a memory crystalized in amber. You can't hold memories in your hands. You can't pull them close and refuse to let them go. Eventually, they'll slip away... and to Mitch and Emily, a memory is all their son is, now. That's what's so heartrending about the situation we see in the show, especially --- so much love still exists between all of them, but it has no place to go.

Okay, sorry, it's 3am here and I'm rambling too, haha --- mentioning musical theatre was a mistake.

I'm so glad my stories have been able to connect with you, especially 'shadows' --- that one resonated with a lot of people, more than I ever realized it would. It's not the most personal story to me... but definitely one that needed to be told, and the emotion in it... hits home for a lot of people. It means so much to me knowing that story, and Alex's internal struggle, has made people feel less alone.

I think I'm going to have a hard time looking back on that one, though. We were staying at my aunt's house for the weekend where I wrote most of it; I read a few excerpts to her, and she said she liked it. She was always interested in my writing... I kind of wish I'd gotten the chance to share more of it with her.

Like you said. Grief's a funny thing. Disorienting, relentless, and crushing.

Please just remember, though --- whatever you're dealing with, you're not alone. You don't have to cut yourself on those broken pieces... one day, you'll wake up, and realize you feel whole again. It will never feel the same, and the pain will always be there... but healing around it is what makes us stronger. You don't owe anyone your forgiveness; it's okay to grieve when you've lost something, regardless of whether death has taken them from you. Grief doesn't have to be earned, it simply has to be felt.

You'll be stronger for it, in the end. I'm sorry you've been hurting so much.

Anyways! Oh gosh! On to lighter, happier topics! Please tell me...

What are your favorite fics? (Like, my fics, obviously, which fics of mine do you just go gaga over? Please praise me or else my ego will shrivel like a worm on hot pavement.) No, okay, I'm kidding --- what are your top fics for this fandom? Like, what are the ones that really resonate with you, that you could read over and over? The JATP fandom has so many greats, but I'm always drawn back to Some Killer Queen You Are by pearlcaddy (buffyverse meets jatp!! iconic!!), Lantern's Light by thefairhero (literally the SOFTEST reggie), the sky's not empty tonight by firefall (just... devastating and beautiful in a dozen ways), and literally anything by foundfamilyvevo.

How long have you been in the JATP fandom? Who are your favorite characters? What's your favorite JATP song?

And finally, most importantly... what are your favorite musicals?

(also... since u asked... behold keith richards and tremble)

#vampire anon my beloved #also... vampire anon... you're a writer #i can tell!! i can read it in your words #youre so eloquent and put things so beautifully #do you write fic?? have you posted any for jatp??

[memoriesoflastwords]

Seacrow

for the amazing adventure @grishaversebigbang has been 👀

before going ahead, please do check out the amazing art made by @chaosvvolf (Inej and her crew, here) and @artzy-lia-art (Inej on her way to Ketterdam, here). working with them truly has been a bliss!

I also wanted to thank @sopsopart, @niecity and @tricewithaz, despite not having had the chance to get to the end of the event with them. the sharing of ideas opinions has been more than enough, and I look forward to the day our roads meet again.

and a thanks to @sheitha, too, for being by my side during the Mini BB, and helping me come out with the plot!

summary: Nastya has only recently joined the Wraith after escaping, thanks to Inej, from a slaver ship. She's cautious, as she can sense something's wrong, and the meeting with one of her slavers can't but scare her even more. Someone's looking for Inej. To take her down. To take everything she's ever built down with the myth the Wraith is. That's why Inej moves to Ketterdam, to look for help, answers, unknowing of the growing fear amongst her people...

Ao3 link (it's a multi chapter fic, so do remember to swipe and go on with the reading if you don't wanna miss anything!): click here

Nastya still didn’t feel quite at ease on the Wraith. She realized, of course, her current situation was better than the one she had found herself into on the slavers’ ships just hours before, but Nastya’s movements were still stiff under Orghana’s caring watch.

Since she had set foot on the ship, she had done nothing but spark flames, although not in a literal way. She had bit Orghana’s finger, caused to ship to almost wreck, yet Inej – that was the Captain’s name – hadn’t hesitated. She had welcomed her. What mattered most, she had realized how unsafe she felt when someone made contact with her skin.

Nastya knew she was supposed to be grateful.

Orghana, the Shu girl, had brought her into one of the cabins, showing her a free place she could sleep in, smiling and seemingly happy about her presence despite still having her finger covered in blood. Despite what Inej had told her, she had decided not to go see their Heartrender. After all, she was no Healer, and to tire her for a bitten finger was not needed.

“Come.” Orghana had let her look around before moving towards the back of the cabin. “I’m guessing we can find you something else to wear. Your clothes smell of fish.”

Nastya had decided not to let her know the cabin was what smelled of fish, not her clothing. There was no reason to be obnoxious, after all, when Orghana had done nothing but try and be of help. Nastya still was decided to be cautious, of course, but not obnoxious.

That’s how she had found herself back out, under the night sky, breathing in cold air and looking at how little clouds came out of her lips and nose. That alone fascinated her way more than any aspect of the small science. Grisha had to concentrate for things to happen. Some of them more, some of them less. Nature? Nature simply had to exist in order to be magnificent under every point of view.

She felt cold in the tunic Orghana had found for her, with the promise of finding a pair of pants and a blouse as soon as possible, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, after all. It almost felt like home, in Chernast, not that far from the Permafrost.

She breathed in and out once more, the little cloud remembering her of when she was little, playing in the snow with her mother, pretending her breath was an ice dragon’s fire. How long had passed since those carefree days, how far was she from home now?

“The Captain threw a party.” she hadn’t realized Orghana had never left her side. Inej’s orders, probably. Not to risk another problem on board. “She called it a party, but it’s nothing more than dinner. However, there are some waffle lookalike.”

Nastya found herself studying the Shu girl, her short brown hair, her unperfectly cut bangs and gentle eyes, before nodding. Orghana had asked her nothing, but she wanted to know whether or not she was joining the crew for dinner. At least, that’s what Nastya imagined.

“I’m starving.” she added, as to avoid any possible misunderstanding.

Orghana smiled, her bangs covering her left eye, and sticked her hand out towards Nastya.

The Grisha stiffened, unsure whether or not she trusted her new comrade enough to let their skin touch. No. No, she didn’t. She looked for pockets to hide her hands in, finding none, standing still, a slight amount of panic running through her veins.

And Orghana noticed, or remembered Inej’s words, or both, because she stood back. “Sorry. An habit of mine.” she pointed out to a winding staircase bringing below deck. “Let’s go. I’m starving as well, and my fine nose tells me there’s some fish cooking.”

Nastya frowned before walking on the slippery wood, making her way towards the staircase. Hadn’t there been fish cooking while at sea, there probably would’ve been a problem.

Needless to say, Orghana had been right. As soon as they had reached the big room used as a dining hall, Nastya’s nostrils were filled with the familiar smell of fried fish, and the comfortable one of the dough used to make waffles. Would anyone have found it disgusting, had she mixed up the two? She hadn’t lied, when she had told Orghana she was starving.

“Sit with Mbali there!” Orghana was about to touch her elbow to catch her attention, but moved back as soon as her fingers touched the tunic. “I’ll get food for us both.”

Nastya nodded, looking at how quickly Orghana moved towards the makeshift buffet before finding Mbali among the crowd.

She wasn’t the only dark skinned girl, but she towered the others, and seemed to be a focal point for the girls living on the Wraith.

Nastya sat by her side in silence, wishing for Mbali to remember, as Orghana initially hadn’t, she would rather not be touched, or hugged in greeting.

Mbali smiled, white teeth in contrast with her night-coloured skin. “So Orghana did manage to find you something to wear!” she looked at the tunic. “The laundry girls are giving us our clothes back tomorrow. We’ll find something more appropriate for a pirate as soon as they do. Can you imagine fighting against slavers in a tunic?”

Nastya actually could. After all, most of her capabilities were in her hands, in her teeth. Biting and using the small science were all she could do during a battle, attack, or even play-fight. She had spent too little time in Os Alta to really learn how to use weapons, or her body as if it was made of steel.

“Here I am!”

Nastya’s eyes traced Orghana immediately, on the other side of the table. She was playing the tightrope walker with three full plates, two in her hands, one barely standing on her head. Nastya could already imagine all that food falling when one of the plates was placed in front of her, nostrils once back full of what she was ready to swear was the best smell of the world. How long had it been since her last real meal? She couldn’t remember eating anything but sardine scraps and dry bread on the slavers’ ship. She tucked her fingers into the fried fish, little caring about what Mbali and Orghana would’ve thought of her, willing to be called a savage, an uncivilized beast, as long it meant having her belly full of real, warm food.

“It’s horrible.”

Nastya froze as soon as she heard that word. Was it really happening, then? She had thought so, but hadn’t really believed for her new comrades to judge her for the way she was eating. She bit her lower lip, covered in the fish’s oil, looked at Mbali. “What’s horrible?” she said, unable to pretend she didn’t care.

“How those slavers treated you.” Mbali shook her shoulders, using a waffle’s edge to accompany a piece of fish. “When we got word of a Grisha girl trapped in some slavers’ hands, we didn’t get many details. Not at first. We had to puzzle together the informations we managed to get from other slavers, and some merchants.”

Nastya suddenly felt comfortable enough to start eating again, caring little about the way her fingers were now covered in little scraps of her food. She kept her eyes on Mbali, wanting to know how, why Inej had been so interested in finding her, saving her. She was an Eterealki, of course, capable of making the ship move despite there being little to no wind, but was that all?

“We had just left Bhez Ju. We were supposed to go to Ketterdam, it felt like time for a little vacation away from the sea.” noticing how deep in the story Nastya was, Mbali went on. “We were not far from the land, were we?”

Orghana shook her hand. “We’d been at sea for less than two hours. We were still adjusting the sails.”

“A small ship crossed the Wraith. Someone having to talk with the Wraith. Inej didn’t want our plans to change, at the beginning, we’d already been moving around for months, it was just time for a little bit of rest.” Mbali sucked the oil off her fingers, and Nastya found her plate to be almost empty, already. Her stomach growled. “Inej didn’t tell us much, at first. Only that we’d have to go a little off route, moving towards the Bone Road before turning back to Kerch.”

“The Bone Road?” Nastya blinked. Rusalye’s home. She knew the legends. “Is that where we are now?”

Mbali shook her head, getting up and taking both her plate and Nastya’s. “No. We were lucky enough to find your ship first.” she said, before moving back towards the buffet.

Nastya looked at Orghana, trying to understand properly what had happened, under what circumstances she had been saved. “Lucky? Why? Rusalye’s not there anymore, it’s cold, but it’s not dangerous, for what I…”

“We aren’t really fully-equipped for cold temperatures, right now. That’s one of the reasons we had to stop in Ketterdam, to buy some warmer clothing, some dried food.” Orghana explained, her plate still full. She handed Nastya half a waffle. ���Inej wanted to find you. No one’s ever left behind, that’s our philosophy, no matter how hard it is to fight. We fight, knives and pistols, and always come back to each other.”

That felt like family.

And that blocked Nastya from eating even just another bite of food. That felt like what she had promised her family before going to Os Alta, to come back, as soon as she could, to stay by her parents’ side, to work on the vegetable garden when they were too old to break ice and turn the soil.

“Now that we found you, we can go to Ketterdam. Or maybe we won’t, and we’ll stop in Novyi Zem. I have to admit it’s not really clear to me whether we are closer to Weddle or Gjela, right now, but I guess we’ll know soon enough.” Orghana tilted her head, noticing how Nastya had stopped eating. “Are you all right?”

Nastya wanted to nod. After all, she was. She was alive, and she had just eaten the best food in months, and she had clean clothes on, a bed, comrades that could be friends. But was that enough? Was safety enough for her, or did she want to go home, set foot off the ship forever and go home in Chernast making of the sea a distant nightmare? She wanted her mother’s quick fingers braiding her hair, her father’s soup cooking on the low fire, her siblings’ laughter stopping her from getting a good night’s sleep. Nastya wanted to nod, wanted to be grateful, but being alive and safe was not enough. She wanted to be home, as well. And that still looked unreachable.

“Nastya?”

How had that happened? How had she found herself at sea? She had no memory of it, and although the long, jagged wound on her head’s back was enough to justify a memory leak, she was not ready to admit it to herself just yet. She had been in Os Alta, training, and then she had been on a ship, fighting with chipped nails and week knees against too many men, and with too little Grisha by her side. She had been the last one standing. She had been the first surrendering. She found no pride in any of the actions.

“Nastya, are you listening to me?”

She blinked, noticing how Mbali was once more in her visual range, a light in her eyes she couldn’t but call joy. “No.” she admitted, frowning. “What’s going on?”

“One of the slavers is in the Captain’s quarters.” Mbali didn’t seem bothered by how she had to say things twice in order for Nastya to listen to her. “She wants to question him, process him for what he’s done in these years. But she wants you to be present when she does.”

To see one of the men who had took her freedom from her, who had took her possibility to go back home from her. To make questions, to claim answers, to fill the gaps her memory loss had gifted her. The light in Nastya’s eyes didn’t mirror Mbali’s joy. That was desire for vengeance.

“Tell the Captain I’ll be there as soon as she needs me to.”

#grishaverse big bang #grishaverse #six of crows #crooked kingdom #shadow and bone #inej ghafa #captain inej #leigh bardugo #gvbb 2020

[signoraviolettavalery]

strategist-scientia replied to your post “I know Carina is bringing Malex into the light and I am infinitely...”

Kinda scared now tbh because Carina said "Yes" when someone suggested that Michael is probably reminded of Jesse Manes's hand in causing the deaths of his people whenever he looks at Alex. ������

I hope it’s ok that I use your response as the jumping-off point for some meta, because I’ve been wanting to write this since i saw Carina’s tweets, and the inevitable Malex panicking that ensued. There’s a couple tweets about Michael’s headspace that she made that I want to get into, as I consider where Michael’s character will go next season and what that might mean for Malex. 

Now, my immediate response to this is: Yes?? Good?? Carina is saying Michael is going to have a character arc next season, and this is a good thing. Characters need arcs, and frankly, I’ve been frustrated that most of his “arc” this season has just been taking care of other people. Equally frankly, I’m glad that this will be the arc, because Michael is completely traumatized right now. He not only lost his family right after finding them, but he’s witnessed the genocide of his race. I’m glad the show is going to deal with that instead of sweep it under the rug. That’s what Michael s a character deserves. And I know it sucks to put queer characters through trauma and misery and suffering, because it seems like that’s the only thing they ever get to experience in narratives. But in a well-written story, you can’t shield your characters from the world and have nothing bad ever happen to them. There need to be low points in order for there to be development, as long as there are high points. 

The other tweet that people have been worrying about is this one, about how Michael will react to Alex and how their relationship will changed, based on the fact that Alex’s family is responsible for literally all of the suffering of Michael’s: 

This is where people start worrying that Malex will crash and burn, or that Michael will blame Alex for what happened even though it’s not actually Alex’s fault. 

So, first of all, I’m going to point out the obvious: it doesn’t sound like English is this person’s first language (which isn’t a dig at them, but just the observation that there may be a language/communication barrier here). Carina’s “yes” is vague af, and twitter is a really shitty medium to sort-of-but-not-really hint at character motivations and what’s coming. 

Moving on from that, my  thoughts are that Michael isn’t going to outright blame Alex - after all, Alex didn’t do anything. In fact, Alex has literally shut down project Shepard and blackmailed his father to protect Michael, and if Michael knows about project shepard he knows this. Logically, he understands this. But I do think that Michael will pull away from Alex - just as he’ll pull away from Max, Isobel, Maria, and even Liz. He’s going to need space, and he might get self-destructive in all his relationships, not just the one with Alex, because he’s going to blame himself for what happened. It’ll be difficult to watch, but I think that Alex, who himself has extensive experience sabotaging his own relationship as a result of fear and trauma, will understand where he’s coming from and try to help. 

I do also think Michael will have a hard time with Alex specifically. Again, it’s not that he’ll blame Alex, because he clearly didn’t blame Alex for his hand, if his desire to rekindle a relationship ten years later is any indication. But Alex will be a living, breathing reminder of the Manes legacy, which has taken literally everything from Michael, starting with his hand and ending with his family. It’s going to get complicated, because just last episode, Michael was telling Max that he believes that there’s no place for him here (on Earth) - something that Jesse made him believe, and something of which his hand serves as a reminder. And now he has even more proof, painful, heartrending, visceral proof, that there is no place for him on this planet, in the sense that humanity as a whole does not accept him for what he is. And the Manes legacy is largely responsible for this. 

But. The irony is that while the Manes family has destroyed his family, his life, his home, and his hope, Alex has been all of those things for him. Alex offered him a home when he had none. Alex told him “you’re my family.” Alex, as Michael said in 1x11, made him believe there’s is a place for him here on earth. Home can be a person, and Alex has been his. 

And I think Michael will realize that. If Liz can get over the fact that Max covered up her sister’s murder and was responsible for her family suffering hate crimes for ten years, then Michael can get over Alex having a legacy that he has completely and utterly rejected. But it will take time, because trauma isn’t rational, and because Alex did enlist in the military and become a “Manes man” before he ultimately chose Michael. So Michael will have to reconcile those two things - what Alex’s family took from him, and the fact that Alex himself gave back all those things to him. Honestly, I think it’s going to be the culmination of the arc that they’ve been planting the seeds of this season - that home can be a person. Michael Vlamis also hinted that Micheal probably won’t be deciding whether to leave the planet this season, so perhaps this will be a decision he’ll have to make next season. Alex will give him the spaceship piece and set him free, understanding that Michael has never felt like he belongs on Earth and that now he feels like he belongs even less, and that his family is responsible for it. And Michael will have to realize that despite Alex’s legacy, which he has outright rejected, Alex is his home. 

It’ll be a long journey, but I honestly think it’ll be fine in the end. Think of it this way: ships, just like characters, need arcs. I know we all say we’d happily watch an entire season of them just cuddling in bed, but come on. None of us actually would. We’d like an actual story. That’s why we tuned in. We want to see characters facing challenges and overcoming them. And yes, just like with queer characters, we don’t want queer pairings to just keep suffering endlessly. But we do want them to have actual, meaningful storylines. And what Carina is hinting at above sounds like an actual storyline. It’s Michael working through legitimate trauma instead of sweeping it under the rug, and Alex learning to live with the legacy of his family. If done well, this is a good storyline. The alternative is either no storyline, or contrived relationship drama, and no one wants that. Remember when, on The Vampire Diaries, Damon and Elena finally got together and the writers had to come up with a dozen reasons to break them up (the sire bond, Katherine possessing Elena, Damon temporarily dying and Elena erasing her memories of him and about a dozen other “plots’)? We really, really don’t want that. We want an actual arc. 

Of course, how much you believe Carina and the writers will do justice to this arc depends on how much you trust them to actually meaningfully write it, and that’s up to each viewer to decide on their own. Based on my own personal experience, I think it’ll be fine, because whatever the various flaws of season 1 of Roswell (and they definitely exist), the emotional beats have rung true to me. I understand why characters behave the way they do, their fears, their traumas, and their progress (with some exceptions). So, I think we’ll be fine. 

Part of the reason I’m so confident is because every other time we panicked because of a tweet, a promo, or a promo photo, we turned out to be pretty wrong to panic. Let’s recap: 

1x09 This is the OG throwback episode, and when Shiri leaked that photo of Michael and Maria naked in the desert, we panicked. We thought Michael and Maria would have a full-blown romance and Michael would leave behind Alex and forget about him, or that Maria would sleep with Michael while knowing about Alex, or any number of worst-case scenarios. 

What actually happened: Alex ended things, with finality. Previously, he’d walked away - and we’re led to believe he’s done this multiple times, which means that he’s also come back multiple times, because to walk away again, he had to come back first. But now, for the first time ever in ten years, probably, he said “we’re definitely over.” The love of Michael’s life broke his fucking heart by making him believe they could never have a future together, and Michael’s response was literal suicidal ideation. That line about “I’m just wishing a meteor would strike me down and end my suffering”? That’s suicidal ideation, y’all. 

So yeah, he hooked up with Maria because he needed comfort and a connection with someone - but one that he was 100% certain wouldn’t get romantically complicated and messy. He picked Maria because he had a connection with her but thought there wasn’t a chance in the world that she’d catch feelings. 

And then Alex came back to him and he took him back and bared his fucking soul and revealed every single one of his deepest secrets. 

1x11 This was the UFO emporium re-opening episode, and everybody panicked that Michael and Maria would talk and kiss and/or hook up in the place of Malex’s first kiss. Come on, guys. Like, I get panic, but this was a bit much. 

What happened instead: Michael misses Maria, who was pretty much his only friend, and tries to get back onto the same page they were (flirty banter that meant nothing), but which is pretty hard to do once you’ve slept together. Michael believes he and Alex are completely over, and....he skips the Emporium reopening (probably because it’s too painful). Then, Maria, the person he pretty much considers his only friend, gets roofied and possessed by an alien serial killer. So yeah, he’s concerned, and he watches over her, because Michael Guerin is, at heart, a protector who takes care of people, and frankly, if he wasn’t worried about Maria, I’d like him slightly less as a person. Maria drunkenly indicates potential feelings for him, which he shows absolutely no indication of actually reciprocating (he looks concerned and frustrated at best). 

1x12 We all thought Malex was going to break up in this episode, despite the fact that they were already broken up and Michael thought they were “over.” We knew there was a tear-inducing Malex moment and we listened to Tyler’s song and I saw no end of posts going around saying Malex was going to break up. 

What happened instead: Alex confessed his love for Michael, called Michael family, stayed by him in the face of literal certain death, and physically and emotionally supported him during a moment of devastating heartbreak. 

So yes, I get the worry. I especially get the worry because apparently The Magicians fucked over their queer viewers just last night. Believe me, I understand, and I’m not a person to have faith easily. I’ve been through Supernatural fandom and the great Destiel queerbait that was season 8. I’ve been through Sherlock fandom and The Johnlock Conspiracy of seasons 3/4. I am intimately familiar with the nonsense shows pull on queer viewers, and I understand the context in which queer viewers are wary of trusting and investing emotionally. I’m a queer viewer as well, and I get it. I really do. But my personal experience of Roswell has been one of the fandom panicking (because we’ve been burned so many times), followed by us getting literal fanfiction on our screens, with actual love confessions and words like “cosmic” and all the tropes. So in this particular case, I choose to trust, because thus far, I think the show has done well by Malex for the most part, and because so far, almost all of our worries have turned out to be for nothing. And I’m also excited for Malex to have meaningful storylines and things to work through. 

That’s my two cents. Thanks for letting me ramble. Feel free to reblog if you think we could stand to spread some positivity. 

#strategist-scientia #roswell new mexico #malex #roswell new mexico meta #malex positivity #roswell new mexico speculation #malex speculation #michael guerin #character analysis #character arcs #seriously thanks for letting me ramble

[stylinbreeze60]

My “WIPs”

Thanks @sugaandyams. I don't get tagged too often, so thank you!

“The Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.”

Oh my goodness. I had stuffed saved in all different places. I’ll start with the folders that contained fics that are incomplete. Welp, here I go!

Great Galactic War - this folder is the dump for my Haikyuu space/war AU, one of three or four fics I may focus on writing in the near future (first chapter is already published); the folder has very little atm, but I have about two dozen different scenes on my phone that aren't saved on PC

Kenma Project - the dump for my actively ongoing Haikyuu next gen captain war AU. I have a file in here further titled Ennoshita chapter. I wonder what that’s about? ;)

Three Kings - the dump for my Haikyuu samurai AU starring Hinata and Noya, the second possible fic I may commit to writing (first 2 chapters already published); there’s a chapter outline (which is dated because I’ve updated it in my head so much), and there are notes and many chapter tidbits on my phone too

Vice - the dump for a canonverse Haikyuu fic that was borne from a desire to write more Nekoma, so I subjected them to debilitating angst. There’s a rough chapter outline in here, and there are a couple of chapter drafts saved as emails on my phone. It’s the third fic that I might commit my time to (first 2 chapters, starring poor Inuoka, already published)

March of Justice - this folder was the dump for my aborted One Piece/My Hero Academia crossover, in which a couple of One Piece villains travel to the BnHA universe to conquer it

And here’s the rest I found. Some of these are just notes on fanciful ideas I had for a day and then never revisited. Others were never intended to see the light of day whatsoever

Abe dake ga Inai Machi - Oofuri-Erased - oh goodness. I had to stare at that title for a while to figure out what was wrong with it. An Oofuri/Big Windup fanfic that I didn’t play with for very long, but I was surprised to find I actually wrote the first chapter. Like Boku Dake ga Inai Machi (Erased), there’s a murder and then Abe finds himself transported back to the start of the Oofuri series, 10 months earlier. I reread some of this first chapter, and by my standards, it’s awful

Ace of Diamond - scandal fanfic - one of the ones never intended to see the light of day. It’s just notes. Basically Seidou pulls off its own Black Sox scandal and gets nailed, with some drama over whether Eijun is actually guilty

Ace of Iron / Ace of Swords - a Diamond no Ace samurai AU, mostly notes but also including drafts of a first chapter. It grew so huge there was no chance I could ever write it as a fanfic, so I actually converted it into an original story idea that I may do something with some day

Big Windup - cheating ploy disaster - this one is just notes and also never intended to see the light of day. An Oofuri idea in which Nishiura’s defeated rivals suspect them of cheating and kidnap the club boys to force them to confess. It goes even more downhill. (I’m very glad that, since discovering Haikyuu, I now conceive fanfics I actually want to write.)

Day of the Countercoup - I had to dig to find this one cos I knew it existed, but it wasn't a file. It was a tab in an Excel doc I used for my Haikyuu political AU, Coup d’Etat. It’s notes for an aborted sequel (Coup d’Etat’s original title was “Night of the Coup,” hence this contrasting title) that I scrapped soon after starting work on it. So glad too! Coup d’Etat got its due, and that AUverse shall be left to itself now

Haikyu - Gospel of Shouyou - oh goodness. I’m not gonna explain this one. Me experimenting, not intended to see the light of day

Haikyu - Nightmare from Heaven - this one may be the fourth candidate for continuation as a long-term fic but is currently unpublished. A war/occupation fic in which Miyagi Prefecture is conquered during a contemporary World War III, and the Karasuno boys must now live under foreign military occupation. The first chapter and part of the second were written, and I've got several notes on my phone and PC about subsequent chapters. Thank goodness tensions in that part of the world have simmered down since I devised it

Life Hereafter - Chapter 6.5 alternate ending - oh no. Life Hereafter is my darkest and most sensitive fic, published only on FFN, written to process a RL tragedy I was distantly affected by. I struggled with the ending of Chapter 6, which covered Tsukki and Yamaguchi’s coping with the canonverse tragedy. One draft (called “6.5″ in case I ever wanted to publish it, but I likely never will) featured Tsukki, seeking solace and desperately wanting to console Yamaguchi, giving in to poor judgment and kissing him. Only to then learn Yamaguchi doesn't have the same feelings back. Topping off their hurt with this was far too cruel and painful, and even before I started typing it, I knew I wouldn’t actually publish it. Rereading the draft even now made me feel uncomfortable which is why I kept it because it’s perhaps the best friendship-ruining moment I’ve ever written

Oofuri fanfic - Sakura Conspiracy - I thought I wrote a chapter 1 draft too, but this is an outline for a WWII Oofuri AU in which Nishiura, after winning Koshien in the late 20s or early 30s, moves on to military and political careers, one of their former teammates dies under suspicious circumstances, and Mihashi fears one of his old teammates may be responsible. The story stretches from 1937 to 1945

I'm actually surprised I found no notes on my Haikyuu mafia AU idea. I guess I never actually transcribed any, even though the plot is substantially complete in my head!

These four are all notes for gigantic crossovers:

Periods of World fanfic - This was an experiment, in which each century from 2000 BC to 2000 AD was listed out, a different part of the world selected for each century, and then a different anime or manga assigned to each part of the world. The idea was to write a chapter set in that century in that area starring those characters. The last chapter, for the new millennium, would have covered all parts of the world. The file is dated 2013. It never became more than this list

Periods of World fanfic 2 - and so it seems I tried again! This file is dated 2014 and shows just a teeny bit more dedication, with the 20th century further subdivided into decades, then every year from 2000-2009, and then every six months for 2010-2014. There are some different anime choices than the 2013 version. Never went anywhere with it, never gonna

Reborn epic crossover anime tribute layout - yes, that’s the literal filename. This is from my days as a Katekyo Hitman Reborn fan, and I don't even recognize most of the character names anymore. Apparently the villains of Reborn travel to seven other anime universes to kidnap major characters to sacrifice them as part of some weird magic scheme that I can’t properly decipher now

Random multi-anime WWII fanfic plan - yes, that’s also the literal filename. This is an outline for a 50-chapter crossover set before and during World War II, where the main characters of Naruto are Russian, One Piece are British, Bleach are French, Katekyo Hitman Reborn are German, Blue Exorcist are Italian, Fairy Tail are Japanese, and Ed and Al from FMA are American. The plot is emotionally devastating, doesn’t pull the punches on all sorts of WWII-related triggers, and frequently and cruelly denies catharsis.

To be perfectly honest though, rereading it, I swear this is the best story I have ever invented! It has a heartrending blend of tragedy, poignant poetic justice, subplot causality, and social commentary and contains few of the traps I sometimes fall into like cheap shock and subplots going nowhere. I really wish I could do something with this narrative now

And I’ll count the hefty handful of TV scripts I’ve written in an effort to practice and hone my scriptwriting skills. All but the last one of these are hypothetical new seasons of real anime:

Blue Exorcist s2 - 1 episode. My attempt to write the Impure King arc, years before they actually produced the Impure King arc. This was not my best work

Noragami: God’s Secret - 2 episodes for a manga-based Season 3. These were pretty decent imo

Oofuri/Big Windup: The Coming of Fall - 17 episodes. I got really into this one. A speculative season 3 assuming three cours (imo we probably won’t be blessed with that many episodes if season 3 comes), covering everything up until the end of the fall tournament. The first 13 episodes covered the story up to chapter 84 minus the Kasukabe match, followed by an OVA (ep 13.5), and then I was working on the Kasukabe match told in hindsight before planning to continue with the big game of the fall prelims. The third cour would have covered the fall tournament itself

Mekakucity Actors XX - 4 episodes. My own idea for a season 2/alternate ending. Because I was very conflicted with how the anime ended

School Babysitters - this was an original episode idea for Gakuen Babysitters that I enjoyed writing very much but turned out too long (40 pages) and features the babies turning into insects. I wouldn't mind publishing it somewhere actually!

I am going to tag @wire-pudding and @kemoiunder! Anyone else who reads this and wants to explore the abyss that is non-started WIPs, be my guest too!

#shooting the breeze #haikyuu #diamond no ace #oofuri #big windup #boku no hero academia #bnha #one piece #noragami #gakuen babysitters #school babysitters #mekakucity actors #kagerou project #boku dake ga inai machi #katekyo hitman reborn #naruto #bleach #fairy tail #fullmetal alchemist #blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #stylin' breeze fics

[worldwalker-us]

  SURVIVING THE INTERNATIONAL WAR ZONE Security Lessons Learned and Stories From Police and Military Peacekeeping Forces   Robert R. Rail  

Chapter 8 ETERNAL HATE   The Little Boy and his Stick   It was a wonderful day, even if I was thousands of miles away from home, and in the troubled Balkans. Being of American Scottish decent I was always kidding my colleagues that the best weather for me was cool, overcast, and with the constant chance of rain. I would always tell them that there are no rainbows without rain.   Good “Scottish” weather in the Balkans   I was in a great mood. I was off duty, at the end of my day of teaching induction training to a room full of international police officers for the United Nations and all had gone well. My ride had dropped me off just off from the main road and I didn’t have far to walk to my

accommodation. The two types of roads we had to travel on in the Balkans were either broken asphalt with pot holes, or narrow dirt roads with holes that were filled in with anything that could be gathered and dumped into them. The standing joke about the dirt roads was that they were made of either dry mud, wet mud, or frozen mud. It always seemed so strange to see the local women sweeping the dirt road in front of their homes as I walked by, but this is what they did every day of the week. I could never understand how you can sweep dirt away from dirt. Are they sweeping and cleaning the street down to a layer of cleaner dirt? I never knew if it was just an effort of futility, or an outlet for frustration on their part, trying to keep a bit of sane routine in their shattered world. As I walked by a house about a half a kilometer from my accommodation my attention was drawn to a small boy that looked like he was taken right off a picture on a tourist post card. He couldn’t have been more than five or six years old. Beneath a wild tangle of dark brown hair, two big, wide open, happy brown eyes looked directly into my eyes. A little voice came out of this post card child and he said, “Dobra Don” (good day). And I responded by saying “Dobra Don” back to him. After our exchange of the customary greetings the little boy returned to his task at hand. He was carving on a stick that was about as long as he was tall. His little face was very serious as he went about his task. He was very busy carving a point on the end of the stick. From the amount of wood shavings I could see all over the boy and the ground he had been working on this for quite some time. A nearby woman walked over to where I was standing to watch the little boy carve. She greeted me by saying, “Hello American Police”, in a polite but cold tone of voice. Her attitude was more clearly understood than what she said. It was very obvious what she really wanted to say was, “What do you want American? I don’t want you here!” Her eyes didn’t look at me – they looked through me. She was tired. Not just tired from the day of labor she had

done but from the life she was resigned to living in such a forsaken place. I very respectfully asked the lady to ask the boy what kind fish he was going to spear when he used his stick at the nearby stream. The lady just looked at me with a very slight sinister smile. I asked again, and added, please ask the child. She reached out and gently touched the head of the child and asked him my question. He stopped sharpening the stick and looked up at me with a look that was tragically determined far beyond his years. He answered with an answer that was too long for a child of his age to make. After a pause, he returned to sharpening his stick with a new strength and focus in his little body. I looked at the woman, waiting for the answer to my question. I could see her body signs change in front of me. She stood up straight and proud and actually smiled. There was great resolve and pride in what she was about to say to me. She said the little boy told her he was making a very sharp killing stick so he could avenge the death of his uncles and father, over and over again for the rest of his life, and kill as many as he could for his God and family.   Like a farmer casts out seeds on the fertile soil of his land, so too here in the Balkans the seeds of hate have been cast out on the fertile and impressionable minds of the children. It has been this way in the past and it will be this way in the future. I have heard it said far too many times by the locals that the flames of the Balkans can only be extinguished by the shedding of blood. But it’s that very same blood that waters the seeds of hate as they are planted in the hearts and minds of the children that walks these intolerable dirt roads.    

Chapter 9 ETERNAL HOPE   The Scarf   Being a patrol officer in a war zone is not like anything you could ever imagine. The only thing you could count on is when you were supposed to start your patrol and where you thought you were going to be patrolling. Past those ideas the options were wide open to every heartrending, ludicrous, dreadful, and forbidding thing that could possibly happen. The shift I preferred working was six at night to six in the morning. I liked working in the darkness. It was kind of relaxing for me to hide in the night and no one else wanted to patrol in the shadows. My partners would say they hated not being able to see the enemy but I thought the enemy couldn’t see me either. I never used my lights and liked to park up on high ground with my engine off, not making a sound, just waiting for whoever or whatever to make their first mistake in the darkness.   After each night’s “tour of duty” my shift would meet with the next shift and go on the road to brief them on what had happened that night and any problems we thought they may encounter on their tour of duty and how to handle those possible incidents. It was important to suggest these ideas with the local police because we were not just working with them, we were training them. These officers didn’t have an easy lot in life. They walked to their assigned patrol station in this small village regardless of the distance. They ate their meal before their tour of duty and usually didn’t eat again until they walked back to their homes. They rarely enjoyed the luxury of a ride to work or bringing something with them to eat on patrol. Most of the international officers attributed the local officers’ slim physique to fitness and not to being in a state of borderline starvation most of the time, a circumstance they endured without complaint.  

This Police Station was one of the best in the area.   One of the Kosovo police officers I would see every morning was a tall, slender, young man that was always wearing a clean and pressed uniform with polished shoes and a matching uniform scarf around his neck. He was there every day without fail. I don’t think I ever saw him take a day off. My attention was first drawn to his eyes. They seemed to possess an unusual, wisdom like quality. I’m at a loss to completely explain or describe the look in his eyes. His eyes were clearly relaxed but yet alert and intent on every detail around him. His eyes appeared to reveal an understanding of the world around him to a level far exceeding his youthful years. Through his jokes on me and mine on him we developed a very strong big brother/ little brother relationship between us. On one particularly hot day I asked my young friend if he was going to be wearing his scarf with the collar buttoned up on such a hot day, or be like me and patrol with an open collar. He stood close to me and put his hand on my shoulder and said very quietly that he could

never be like anyone else and asked me if he could talk to me away from the others. We stepped outside and I watched in a state of controlled shock as he unbuttoned his collar and carefully removed the scarf from around his neck. From just under his left ear to just past the midway point across his throat, going under his chin was an indescribable scar. I could see it was an old scar from a wound that must have literally opened up the entire side of his neck. I could also see without even looking close the jagged crisscross of crudely gouged-in stitch marks that closed this wound and brought the two sides of this horrendous slash together. My young colleague began to tell me that several years earlier he had been with other youths of his village when they saw some soldiers they hated passing down the main street of their village. As they chased the soldiers, throwing rocks at their vehicles he made the mistake of running too close to one of the vehicles. To the horror of the villagers who were standing along the roadside, one of the soldiers reached out from his vehicle, grabbed the boy by his hair, pulled him up onto the side of the vehicle, stabbed a bayonet into his neck, and then ripped it across his throat. The soldier thought the boy was finished so he just let the body fall to the ground.  He fell on to the road and then rolled into the ditch.  Some of the local women grabbed him out of the drainage ditch. Without hesitation and literally out of nowhere, more women came and pinned him down while others crudely stitched his neck closed. The locally distilled alcohol drink was poured on the raw wound and then it was covered with mud and wrapped as tight as they could wrap it. He told me that according to the old women of the village; the real battle began when the fever came. He was told that “every hour and every day that passed brought him closer to his loved ones and further from the hands of God”. Each old women of the village took credit for his survival because they all had their own secret healing broth that they took turns feeding to him. As he slowly started to cover his neck with his scarf he told me something that truly amazed me. He

said that every day when he gets up and looks in his mirror and sees the scar that could have resulted in his death he pledges to his God that he will not be like the man who tried to take his life. He will always remember that all people are to be treated fairly whether they are part of the enemies of the past or not. He said that the scar will remind him as a police officer to be just and fair to everyone for the rest of the life God has given to him as a gift.

#https://www.crcpress.com/Surviving-the-International-War-Zone-Security-Lessons-Learned-and-Stories/Rail/p/book/9781138374348

[voltageotome]

Voltage Inc. Developer Interview - 2nd Installment

Ready to get an exclusive, behind-the-scenes look at what goes into creating your favorite stories?!

The second installment of our Developer Interview series features none other than the creator of Star-Crossed Myth herself, M-san!

Click Keep Reading to see all of the juicy details!

*We do not shy away from Main Story spoilers here! Haven’t read the gods’ stories yet? You might want to play catch-up...

She really likes Leon, by the way (as you will soon find out)!

What characters & stories have you personally developed at Voltage?

Finally in Love Again’s (FILA) Momoi Shuichiro was my first original character, followed by Star-Crossed Myth’s (SCM) Leon and Huedhaut – those are the two characters I plotted in their entirety. Of course, I created the setting and all the characters for SCM. 

Oh gosh... what else. Oh man, there are just so many. Oh! I created Butler Until Midnight (BUM) too, and plotted the story for Yuma Akagi and Kyo Aizawa. After that I made Era of Samurai: Code of Love (EOS:COL), and plotted Soji Okita, Hajime Saito, and Shinsaku Takasugi. And then I made Irresistible Mistakes (IM), where I plotted Shunichiro Tachibana.

So from Star-Crossed Myth you’ve helped create...?

Well, I was the person who came up with the original plot, world, and characters. But as for the ones I actually crafted into a story... Leon and Huedhaut. I was part of the brush-up work for Dui’s route. I, and another member of our staff (who has since left the company), were in charge of coming up with all the characters’ general back stories. Like, for example, ‘he was the last god left on Earth,’ or ‘he won’t live for eternity,’ stuff like that.

It’s complicated, I know. Haha. I make the basic outline/story of the app and its characters, but it’s just way too tough and way too much work for one person to be in charge of every single character’s individual scripts.

I’m more the one who directs what should happen to the characters and how the world is formed... Most of the time there’s someone else who’s in charge of actually implementing those ideas into an enjoyable story.

 Star-Crossed Myth has a massive following among our English-speaking fans. What do you think is the secret to its success?

Gosh, I think there’s a lot that goes into it, really... But if I had to say... Well, I guess there are two reasons. One being the characters’ personalities. You look at the star sign of Leo and you have an image of someone being super confident and imperious, while Cancer has this image of being impartial and practical. All of the characters we made are based off those star signs and what they represent, so seeing those aspects in characters is really interesting for fans.

The second reason is how dramatic the story is. It’s really tragic, actually. A forbidden romance, a love that could never be. I mean, you have a god and a human... That’s not a love story that could ever end happily. It’s forbidden... And that love, as wonderful as it feels, comes at a huge cost – sometimes at the expense of actual lives. That’s so heartrending. I feel like that could be one of the reasons for SCM’s success.

And plus, wishing on a star or looking up at the sky, hoping and dreaming for something, is such a universal theme. It’s a beautiful idea that transcends a lot of cultural barriers.

 Do you have any favorite characters from that app?

Oh you’re killing me with this question. I love them all so much; I can’t pick just one... But the ones I have the most memories with have to be either Leon or Huedhaut. I can’t choose between them though...

Leon was actually really tough for me to create. The first character from any title has to perfectly encapsulate the world of that app; they have to be the flagship character, so to speak. So, love between a human and a god... I mean, no one has any experience in that obviously, so how do you go about making a romance like that? You know, he descends from on high and grants your wishes, sure, but... how are you supposed to fall in love with him? What happens when you do? Would he give you flowers? Would he take you on dates to fancy restaurants?

Gods should be haughty, proud things, beings that are used to getting their way. So we knew Leon had to be arrogant, but how do you make a god arrogant? We decided that he’d call humans goldfish [to illustrate that concept]. He doesn’t call humans goldfish because he hates them - he calls them that because he literally thinks nothing of them. I mean, a person doesn’t touch goldfish, right? You just sit there and look at them.

Plus, we had to think about how a god would feel when he fell in love with a human. Would he suffer because he knows he has to love all humans, but now he loves one more than the others? Would he hate himself for falling in love with something as lowly as a human? It was tough getting into that headspace.

For Huedhaut, I have so many memories with his story...

Huedhaut denies all love, he doesn’t need it. He had his one great love, the goddess who sacrificed herself, and to keep her soul alive, he gave up a part of himself. I mean, his love is a tragedy; it can never be reciprocated because his goddess is gone forever. There’s a part, right in the middle of his Main Story, where he says he wishes he’d never met the heroine, around the time when the heroine’s memories come back. 

The heroine, for her part, only wished for something good to happen... So then where IS her ‘something good’? Because when she does fall for him, he has to return to heaven. Now she’s stuck, suffering with this love that can never be. She even regrets meeting him at a certain point in the story. But that’s love! It happens to everyone at some point. There are times when, in our lives, we think ‘Shoot, I wish I’d never gotten married to him’ or ‘If love is this painful, why did I even bother?’ or stuff like that. I wanted to make a story that basically told people ‘Whoa, stop thinking like that. Loving another, even if it didn’t work out in the end, is something amazing. Don’t think for a second that it wasn’t worth it.’ I really wanted to get that message across in Huedhaut’s story.

From the outset, when we were coming up with the character settings, I knew I wanted to make his story about that. I mean, Voltage is about more than just happy-happy romance... There’s this element of drama too. So I knew I had to make his story about a grittier side of love.

 If you had to choose on character to date in real life, who would it be?

Yikes, that’s tough. Well, being realistic here... I probably wouldn’t choose a god. I mean, you could never see each other. ...That’s a long-distance relationship I’m not ready to commit to. So if I had to be realistic? I’d probably choose Shunichiro Tachibana. I mean, that salary, whew... Haha!

That’s part one for you! Did you guys enjoy that? We hope you did... because there’s lots more yet to come!

#voltage inc #voltage #otome #otoge #star-crossed myth #leon #huedhaut #scm #era of samurai: code of love #eoscol #butler until midnight #bum

[leakedinlondon]

Hey Courtney I'm going on my first over seas flight in 5 days time (like 20 hours or something with a brief lay over???) and I'm in desperate need of book recs. 21 year old female I like Harry Potter, dystopian future stuff, gay stuff especially wlw and also really love shitty cheesey light hearted stuff like Janet Evanovich. Would love your opinion!

tragically, i hav not read a lot of wlw books bc i’m a picky bitch about genres and a lot of the ones i know about are realistic fiction which i ain’t big on but i do recommend checking out Malinda Lo i rly like Adaptation which features a bi love triangle and aliens and has a part where some dude is talking about aliens and just starts humming the x files theme and that dude is me also i have heard v good things about Ash and Huntress but my bookstore doesn’t sell them and i’m like???? why

ok SO i hav a v v long dystopian masterpost if ur down to go through it but i’ll give u my faves from it here!!!!

Chaos Walking by Patrick Ness

Prentisstown isn't like other towns. Everyone can hear everyone else's thoughts in an overwhelming, never-ending stream of Noise. Just a month away from the birthday that will make him a man, Todd and his dog, Manchee -- whose thoughts Todd can hear too, whether he wants to or not -- stumble upon an area of complete silence. They find that in a town where privacy is impossible, something terrible has been hidden -- a secret so awful that Todd and Manchee must run for their lives.

these books!!!! are everything!!!!! if you haven’t read them u 100% should i swear they’re so fkn good

Unwind by Neal Shusterman

The Second Civil War was fought over reproductive rights. The chilling resolution: Life is inviolable from the moment of conception until age thirteen. Between the ages of thirteen and eighteen, however, parents can have their child "unwound," whereby all of the child's organs are transplanted into different donors, so life doesn't technically end. Connor is too difficult for his parents to control. Risa, a ward of the state, is not enough to be kept alive. And Lev is a tithe, a child conceived and raised to be unwound. Together, they may have a chance to escape and to survive.

i would die for Lev literally die for him at any given second this is also a very good series

The Passage by Justin Cronin

An epic and gripping tale of catastrophe and survival, The Passage is the story of Amy—abandoned by her mother at the age of six, pursued and then imprisoned by the shadowy figures behind a government experiment of apocalyptic proportions. But Special Agent Brad Wolgast, the lawman sent to track her down, is disarmed by the curiously quiet girl and risks everything to save her. As the experiment goes nightmarishly wrong, Wolgast secures her escape—but he can’t stop society’s collapse. And as Amy walks alone, across miles and decades, into a future dark with violence and despair, she is filled with the mysterious and terrifying knowledge that only she has the power to save the ruined world.

haven’t gotten around to reading the last book in this series yet but they are seriously epic like i swear this series is something else entirely

Maggot Moon by Sally Gardner

What if the football hadn’t gone over the wall. On the other side of the wall there is a dark secret. And the devil. And the Moon Man. And the Motherland doesn’t want anyone to know. But Standish Treadwell — who has different-colored eyes, who can’t read, can’t write, Standish Treadwell isn’t bright — sees things differently than the rest of the "train-track thinkers." So when Standish and his only friend and neighbor, Hector, make their way to the other side of the wall, they see what the Motherland has been hiding. And it’s big...One hundred very short chapters, told in an utterly original first-person voice, propel readers through a narrative that is by turns gripping and darkly humorous, bleak and chilling, tender and transporting.

this book broke my damn heart and ruined my life but oh my god it’s so good also a lil gay but like i said sad but it’s more 2 do with the setting like.... it doens’t have a happy ending but it felt right like that?????

More Than This by Patrick Ness

A boy drowns, desperate and alone in his final moments. He dies.Then he wakes, naked and bruised and thirsty, but alive.How can this be? And what is this strange deserted place?As he struggles to understand what is happening, the boy dares to hope. Might this not be the end? Might there be more to this life, or perhaps this afterlife?

this is my favorite book!!!!!! i would die for it!!!! i want to buy enough copies to fill an entire room of my house so i can just sit in it and cry!!!! this book is literally everything!!!! also gay!!!! she’s also sad but like...... i cannot express in words how much u need to read this damn book 

Bird Box by Josh Malerman

Something is out there, something terrifying that must not be seen. One glimpse of it, and a person is driven to deadly violence. No one knows what it is or where it came from.Five years after it began, a handful of scattered survivors remains, including Malorie and her two young children. Living in an abandoned house near the river, she has dreamed of fleeing to a place where they might be safe. Now that the boy and girl are four, it's time to go, but the journey ahead will be terrifying: twenty miles downriver in a rowboat--blindfolded--with nothing to rely on but her wits and the children’s trained ears. One wrong choice and they will die. Something is following them all the while, but is it man, animal, or monster?

another one of my all time faves!!!!!! i don’t even know what to say this is a masterpiece

ok so here we move on to the more fantasy and gay stuff these are less sad 

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone...A convict with a thirst for revengeA sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wagerA runaway with a privileged pastA spy known as the WraithA Heartrender using her magic to survive the slumsA thief with a gift for unlikely escapes Kaz's crew are the only ones who might stand between the world and destruction—if they don't kill each other first.

this is.... so good.... also a little gay... hav heard the second book in the series is gayer but i haven’t read her yet

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

That's what his roommate, Baz, says. And Baz might be evil and a vampire and a complete git, but he's probably right. Half the time Simon can't even make his wand work, and the other half, he sets something on fire. His mentor's avoiding him, his girlfriend broke up with him, and there's a magic-eating monster running around wearing Simon's face. Baz would be having a field day with all this, if he were here - it's their last year at Watford School of Magicks, and Simon's infuriating nemesis didn't even bother to show up. Carry On is a love letter to love stories and the power of words - to every 'chosen one' who ever had more on their mind than saving the world...

this book is literally just harry potter but gay and i’m still laughing i love it

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness

The monster showed up after midnight. As they do.But it isn’t the monster Conor’s been expecting. He’s been expecting the one from his nightmare, the one he’s had nearly every night since his mother started her treatments, the one with the darkness and the wind and the screaming…This monster is something different, though. Something ancient, something wild. And it wants the most dangerous thing of all from Conor.It wants the truth.

can u tell i’m a fan of patrick ness i’m going to fucking fist fight him for this piece of shit like.... this book.... is about a little kid..... whose mother has cancer....... like u know it’s gonna be a fucking bad time but u read it anyway and u cry like a fucking baby but u enjoy the whole damn thing because u hate urself.... it’s a beautiful read but it hurts (((also yes there is a Literal Monster hanging around))

The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater

Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue herself never sees them—not until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks directly to her. His name is Gansey, and Blue soon discovers that he is a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble.But Gansey is different. He has it all—family money, good looks, devoted friends—but he’s looking for much more. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents all the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul who ranges from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher of the four, who notices many things but says very little.For as long as she can remember, Blue has been told by her psychic family that she will kill her true love. She never thought this would be a problem. But now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore.

the description of this book doesn’t do it justice and i hate it i love these books i love my stupid raven kids i mainly love adam parrish who i would die for in a second ((also gay)) ((please read them if u haven’t i love adam so much he’s worth it)) ((the other characters are also amazing and i lov them too))

The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black

Children can have a cruel, absolute sense of justice. Children can kill a monster and feel quite proud of themselves. A girl can look at her brother and believe they’re destined to be a knight and a bard who battle evil. She can believe she’s found the thing she’s been made for.Hazel lives with her brother, Ben, in the strange town of Fairfold where humans and fae exist side by side. The faeries’ seemingly harmless magic attracts tourists, but Hazel knows how dangerous they can be, and she knows how to stop them. Or she did, once.At the center of it all, there is a glass coffin in the woods. It rests right on the ground and in it sleeps a boy with horns on his head and ears as pointed as knives. Hazel and Ben were both in love with him as children. The boy has slept there for generations, never waking.Until one day, he does…As the world turns upside down, Hazel tries to remember her years pretending to be a knight. But swept up in new love, shifting loyalties, and the fresh sting of betrayal, will it be enough?

Hazel is literally me okay there is a scene in this book where she’s at a fairy party and u kno how ur not meant to eat or drink anything fairies give u or ur fucked???? hazel ingests fucking fairy wine bc it was in the mouth of some fairy girl she was making out with and if that isn’t me i don’t know what is (((also that’s the only scene that she shows any interest in girls i am very sorry i don’t want to get ur hopes up))) ((ben on the other hand he is very gay and is also me they are both me i love these two idiots this book just makes me really happy)) 

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