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waynes-multiverse · 1 year

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Love On The Brain

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Summary: Dean and Y/N – hunting partners, bunker roommates & idiots in love. Sam is fed up with their constant “will they/won’t they” bullshit and decides to move things along with his own plan until these two fated lovers’ paths finally cross one night – naked.

Warnings: +18, smut (mentions of masturbation f & m, oral f, fingering, p in v), crack of the adorkable kind, nudity, mutual pining, friends to lovers, fluff

Word Count: 6.1k

A/N: Happy V-Day, babes! 💖 The V stands for... Welp, you know me well enough by now to know where I’m going with this 😝 This is a lot of moronic crack mixed with some sweet smut and fluff. We all know how much I love the “idiots in love” trope, and I fully dove into this one. So, grab your glass of favorite liquor & let’s settle in, shall we? ❤️😘 Written for a request by @imagine-all-the-fandoms after making some adjustments. Found Rihanna’s Love on the Brain fitting for this one, so that’s what we went with as a general mood. Hope you enjoy, m’ladies! 🖤

Feedback is highly appreciated! Get me drunk on it and fill my writer’s juice 🤓🥃

Main Masterlist | Dean Winchster Masterlist

Freedom! Thank fucking God…

Y/N exhales a blissful sigh as she saunters to the Dean Cave with a bag of still-hot microwave popcorn in her arms. The Winchester brothers have decided on a little overnight road trip to the next, bigger town over to see a movie – and for some brotherly bonding or whatever – which means Y/N can finally enjoy some goddamn alone time in the bunker. Not that she doesn’t love Sam and Dean to bits and pieces, especially the latter one. They are like family to her, the only one she’s ever truly known, but even family can grow exhausting sometimes.

Living with two boys can grow exhausting, honestly, so Y/N has decided to spend her alone time doing a bunch of girly shit she can’t do with Tweedledee and Tweedledum around – at least not without enduring some judgmental looks.

So, first on the agenda? Watching a bunch of chick flicks, aka any movie the oldest Winchester wouldn’t approve of. Mean Girls, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, You’ve Got Mail, and so on – you get the gist.

The second order of business is a long-ass bathroom time for a little much-needed self-care, including a hot and relaxing bath with an abundance of pink bubbles and soap that smells like the goddamn Queen’s flower garden. Then she’s going to shave and wax… everything. Admittedly, things got a little hairy in recent weeks. There wasn’t a lot of time between hunts and sharing close quarters with two men in motel rooms, and every time she did attempt a proper shave, Dean would yell outside the bathroom door, needing to pee or God knows what else, so she dropped the razor again. Honestly, it’s not like she’s being followed around by an array of suitors these days. It’s been months since anyone has seen her private parts or even her bare legs, including her. On the upside, at least her vibrator doesn’t mind the extra locks.

Oh God, she’s fucking sad, isn’t she? Yeah… It’s a sad affair all around, really.

Regardless, the mention of some self-love reminds her of her third to-do item on her list: sex. Well, technically masturbating to Ryan Gosling’s pictures. Maybe even Andrew Garfield, Sebastian Stan, that hot dude Jackson from Grey’s Anatomy… Leo in his prime. Brad Pitt – young and old. Seth Rogen… Whoa! Don’t judge, okay? It’s not all about looks. She loves when a guy can make her laugh, and his laugh is so sweet, deep, and… bear-y, alright?

Yeah, fine, she knows she needs to get fucked properly by a real dick instead of a fictional one – rather sooner than later before she goes for… the dick that’s been living right under the same roof, only three doors down from her own bedroom.

Shit.

Yep, Dean fucking Winchester – God of all Gods, monster hunter extraordinaire, hero of all innocent damsels, and idiotic clown of all clowns, shamelessly stole her heart since… well, pretty much the minute they met and she first laid eyes on him. It felt like being blinded by the sun, the golden freckles on his cheeks and nose resembling the twinkling, starry constellations in the night sky. In an instant, she was an unsuspecting, innocent moth to a blazing flame. How could she possibly resist that irresistible, boyish charm? There’s no vaccine against that green-eyed virus. She swears she’s seen women faint and gasp before him, and she certainly isn’t immune, either. No one truly is, not even other men, for crying out loud.

Unfortunately, Dean will never ever look at her in that way and see more than a friend in her. The thought alone is so ridiculous it makes her snort before she starts to uncontrollably sob and whine. But God, does she wish more than anything he could be hers and she could be his.

Admittedly, she feels a little lonely, especially with the ominous Valentine’s Day looming around the corner, or as Dean likes to call it – unattached drifter Christmas.

Dear fucking God, why did she have to fall in love with that dork? Why can’t it be some nice, normal guy without an abundance of commitment issues?

On the other hand, it’s a good thing the oldest Winchester isn’t here tonight, even though he’d probably love the fourth part of her evening: naturism.

Yup, walking around naked while you’re alone is the best fucking thing in the world and so goddamn freeing. Tits out. Let the ladies breathe a little, you know? Having the girls constantly locked up in bra prison is no way to go through life. And Y/N knows for sure Dean would not only agree with that sentiment but also highly support it. After all, he was the one that suggested Naked Tuesdays when she first moved in. Sam then established a rule that the oldest Winchester wasn’t allowed to “sexually harass” her. It was completely unnecessary but sweet nonetheless. Y/N knows Dean’s just a teasing goofball 99% of the time and would never seriously harm her or make her feel uncomfortable. In fact, she loves that the brothers are always looking out for her and have her best interest in mind.

So, as soon as she hears the big metal door of the bunker slam shut, Y/N excitedly begins her girl’s night alone, trying not to think too much about the green-eyed hunter and focusing on Gosling on the silver screen instead.

“So, this movie… is it like Zombieland?” Dean inquires with a wide grin, wiggling his eyebrows as he grabs a couple of beers and snacks from the fridge for their road trip to Wichita.

Sam’s brow furrows in confusion. “What? Dean, no… It’s not an action movie or a comedy. It’s an environmental documentary about how soil can counteract the climate crisis,” the younger Winchester explains, chuckling in amusement.

Dean’s face drops, his features morphing from excitement to shock as his eyes blink in rapid succession. “What?! But you said Woody Harrelson is in it! You lied to me!”

“Nooo,” Sam laughs, shaking his head, and corrects, “I said Woody Harrelson narrates it. It’s a good documentary. Trust me.”

“Fuck no! I don’t wanna watch a movie about dirt,” the older brother whines, his plump lips shaping into a pout. “Can’t we go see something with action and blood and guns? You know, something fun?”

“Dean, our whole life is action, blood, and guns. Would do you some good to care about the Earth and climate every once in a while,” Sam lectures him.

“Screw that! We’ve already saved the planet multiple times. All that Al Gore shit ain’t my problem,” Dean huffs, pops open a beer and takes a sip. “‘Sides, I don’t trust these environmental clowns. I know the first thing they’d wanna do is get rid of Baby, and then I swear I’m gonna start shootin’. I can’t stand for that insanity.”

“Fine,” Sam frowns and lets out a resigned sigh. “Then I guess you’ll have to stay here because I wanna watch that movie.”

“Fine by me,” Dean agrees with another sip of beer.

“Good. Since you’re not coming, I might even check out the Mid-America Fine Arts Museum,” Sam shares, the excitement gleaming in his hazel orbs.

“Yeah, nerd yourself out, little brother,” Dean snorts. “Did you know Wichita has a Pizza Hut Museum?”

“Uh-huh, yeah, you tell me that every time we go to Wichita, Dean,” Sam reminds him and suppresses the laugh. “Well, uh, have fun alone with Y/N then,” he smirks slyly, and Dean’s short-lived relief disappears as realization dawns, his brow knitting. “Who knows? Might even be a good opportunity for you to tell her you’re madly in love with her.”

“Wha-, uh, pffft, no?” Dean brushes his little brother’s lunatic accusations off the kitchen counter and awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, clearing the fluster in his throat. “Dude, are you drunk? I’m so not in love with her, alright? Don’t be ridiculous, okay? Do I find her incredibly hot, smart, sweet, brave, kind, adorable, and funny? Sure… That’s why she’s our friend, right? But that doesn’t mean I like… love “love” her, okay? At least not like that.” He forms sarcastic air quotes around the cursed word and grimly swallows his uncomfortableness and the lies down with a big gulp of beer. “And for crying out loud, keep your voice down when you say shit like that. I don’t want her to hear us,” he hisses, his green orbs nervously eyeing the kitchen door. “It’s echo-y in here, you know?”

“Sure, whatever you say, Dean,” Sam casually shrugs his shoulders, clearly not buying a single one of the green-eyed hunter’s words, and it only annoys the older Winchester more.

“Don’t-… Nuh-uh, don’t gimme that fake ‘whatever you say’ bullshit shtick. There’s really nothing going on, alright?” Dean assures anew, growing more irritated by the minute.

Sam twitches his shoulders once more and then cockily folds his arms over his chest, a teasing smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. “Alright, so you won’t mind if I set her up with Matt, right? It’s just-… She seems a little lonely lately.”

“Lonely?” Dean arches an eyebrow in apprehension and scoffs, “She’s fine, Sam. She’s got us.”

Sam frowns for what feels like the hundredth time during this conversation. “Dean, you honestly don’t think that’s enough for her.”

“Why not?” The older Winchester shrugs, refusing to see clearly. “It’s enough for me. Our life is awesome. You don’t see me complaining.”

“Yes, you’re obviously the golden standard for healthy relationships,” Sam mutters sarcastically and rolls his eyes back.

Dean purses and smacks his plump lips, scratching the bit of scruff on his throat. “Well, uh… shut up, okay? And don’t set her up with Matt. The guy’s a douche.”

“Alright, what about Josh? You like Josh,” Sam suggests next.

“Yeah, as a hunting partner, he’s alright, not as a boy toy for our friend, Sam,” Dean grits bitterly and rolls his eyes, chugging the rest of his beer. “Seriously, what is wrong with you? You’re not her pimp. Just leave her alone, alright?”

“Look, if you don’t wanna date her – fine. That’s on you. Just don’t stand in the way of her happiness because you can’t stop self-sabotaging yourself, man,” Sam argues with a judgmentally raised brow.

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Dean grumbles, the offense clearly written in every deep wrinkle on his face.

“Uh-huh, whatever you say, Dean,” Sam deadpans and grabs his laptop bag, making his way out of the kitchen.

“Stop saying that!”

“Look, I’d love to discuss all your weird issues in detail with you, but I still have to pick up Eileen on my way to Wichita,” Sam notes nonchalantly as Dean trails behind him through the bunker’s corridors. “I’ve watched you two beat around the bush for years. It’s getting annoying. You guys are worse than Ross and Rachel.”

“Wait, Eileen? Did you plan all of this on purpose? Were you trying to trick me?” Dean’s voice rises with his exasperation. He hates when Sam puts his nose where it doesn’t belong, mainly in his business. It’s the typical little brother shit he had to deal with all his life. Siblings, man…

“Me? No, I would never,” his younger brother replies with feigned innocence, marching up the metal stairs to the exit, but Dean can hear the goddamn deceit in his words.

“I don’t believe you,” Dean grits with a sternly creased brow, narrowing his juniper eyes at his younger brother as he halts at the bottom of the steps.

“Okay, whatever you say, Dean,” Sam grins complacently and opens the door. “Just don’t be an idiot. Make the first move, alright? That’s all you need to do. Trust me. It’s gonna be fine. She likes you, too.”

With that, the youngest Winchester closes the door behind him, leaving Dean to ruminate in his convoluted misery.

The hunter then stomps through the hallways of the bunker, furiously mumbling to himself as he passes the Dean Cave on his way to his room. Hearing sounds coming from inside, he stops by the cracked door for a moment and realizes Y/N is watching a movie in there. He considers joining her before recognizing Gosling’s voice, a deep sigh leaving his lips. Of course, she’s watching chick flicks again, so he decides against his plan, knowing some silly rom-com could potentially be a slippery slope and lead to some dangerous innuendos.

He downright refuses to play into his little brother’s evil scheme. Sam’s not goddamn Lindsay Lohan, and this isn’t the fucking Parent Trap. It’s better and safer if Dean stays far away from Y/N for the entirety of Sam’s absence, so the hunter quietly retreats to his room.

Dean decided to watch a bunch of his favorite horror movies until late into the night, ignoring the boiling feelings under the surface. He then closes his laptop with a heavy sigh, ready to call it a night after a nice, warm shower.

With headphones on and some classic rock music drowning out his hammering thoughts, he takes off his clothes and wraps a towel around himself. During an earlier snack run to the kitchen, he noticed the Dean Cave had already been deserted, the room quiet and dark. Y/N luckily has withdrawn to her own room again, so he knows he won’t accidentally run into her. She still hasn’t left his mind, his head in a constant swirl since his stupid conversation with Sam.

So, naturally, Dean comes to the conclusion that only some self-completion down the shower drain might help to clear his thoughts and flush the huntress out of his mind for good. He’s not proud of it, but it’s certainly not the first time since he’s known her that he thinks about her while jerking off. Usually, it only happens when he has to spend too many nights in a row with her in a small motel room without a way to escape, but this time, though, he fully blames Sam and his big mouth for it.

Wandering down the hall to the bathroom, his head bobs to the rhythm of the music flowing through his ears, his green eyes fixed on his phone screen as he scrolls through his playlist. Mindlessly opening the door, he suddenly freezes as another body bumps straight into him.

It all happens pretty fast from there. There’s a loud, high-pitched shriek that filters through the music, his hand drops his phone, and his headphones fall down with it, severing the connection and leaving him in silence as his palms catch a taut-skinned body in his arms while the towel around his waist glides to the tiled floor. And then, he just stares into two big and shocked pupils, which are probably as wide as his own.

Fuck…

For a second, Dean feels incredibly exposed before noticing the warm skin that’s pressed flush against his own body. Yep, he doesn’t dare to check, but he’s certain Y/N’s completely naked, too.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…,” Y/N’s panicked voice chimes in his ears as both of them awkwardly avert their gazes in different directions to the ceiling and avoid eye contact at all costs while still clinging tightly onto each other, aware that if one of them moves, it’s game over and they’d see each other in their full glory. Basically, they’re each other’s damn shields – as uncomfortable as that may be. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”

“I, uh…” That’s when Dean realizes Y/N probably didn’t even know he stayed behind and let Sam go to Wichita alone. “Sam wanted to watch a documentary.”

“I know!” Y/N yells in annoyance and grits, “You were supposed to go with him! Granted, I was surprised you agreed to it in the first place, but still, you’re not supposed to be home!”

“He didn’t tell me it was a documentary about dirt, alright? Otherwise, it would’ve been a straight-up ‘no’ from the start,” Dean explains and tries not to get hard as he feels Y/N’s tits press against his chest. Judging by the precise feeling that’s poking him, she must be somewhat cold.

“Yes, he did! I was right there when you agreed,” Y/N argues. “He talked about it for over an hour.”

“Oh,” Dean stumps and clears his throat rather awkwardly. Who could blame him for not listening, huh?

“You never listen to people! It’s so goddamn annoying!”

“Y/N, you need to stop talking, sweetheart,” Dean begs her, squeezing his eyes shut as he concentrates on anything else for dear life.

Baseball, Sam drinking green smoothies, a scratch on Baby’s new coat of paint… He attempts to distract his mind from the unavoidable, but it’s no use. The skin-on-skin contact is his final nail in the coffin.

“Oh, I’m sure you would love that, wouldn’t you?” Y/N continues in a furious huff, “It’s not always about you–”

“Y/N, please… All that angry shaking isn’t helping, sweetheart.”

The huntress cocks an eyebrow high, almost reaching the messy bun on top of her head. “Helping with what?”

“Uhm…”

And that’s when he can’t control it any longer. There’s a distinctive twitch against her thigh, and he’s sure she’s felt it, too. Shit, shit, shit…

“Oooooh.” Y/N awkwardly presses her lips into a thin line, her fingertips tapping a nervous melody on his skin. Her single utterance makes his heart stop. It’s game over. She’s going to call him a gross perv, move out of the bunker, and then never speak to him again. “It’s-, uhm, it’s okay,” she says surprisingly, her head bobbing with a thick swallow as she reassuringly squeezes his biceps where her palms rest.

“Y/N, I’m-, uh… oh God… I’m so, so sorry,” he stammers, deciding to keep his eyes shut to escape some of the awkwardness.

“I-, no, it’s not-… This is a weird situation we’re in… It’s fine. Completely normal, right? Like, uhm, like a reflex?”

“Uh, yeah, guess so,” Dean gulps, his eyelids slowly fluttering open and gaze drifting back to the ceiling. It’s not a goddamn reflex, though. It’s all her. It’s the effect she has on him.

“We should, uh, probably, uhm, detangle…”

“Uh-huh, yup, nope, agree,” he says and clears his throat once more, hoping the fluster will leave his body soon. “You, uh, wanna bend down, and we both can grab our towels?”

Fuck, it’ll probably be awkward between them for months now. They’ll avoid each other during breakfast, lunch, dinner… They’ll stop watching movies together, Sam will have to be their buffer and hate it, and they probably won’t look directly into each other’s eyes till Christmas – and it’s only fucking February.

“Oh, uhm… I actually, technically didn’t, uh, come with a towel?”

His eyebrow twitches upward, head slightly tilting to the side as he thinks about her words. “Oh, uh… Wait… Were you, uhm, walking around like… naked through the bunker?”

Well, there’s an image Dean’s never gonna get out of his head. Now, he’ll forever wonder if she takes off her clothes as soon as he walks out the door.

“Look, I thought I was alone, okay?! Again – you’re not actually supposed to be here! Don’t judge me!” Y/N defends, the panic returning to her voice, and then adds something in an almost inaudible mumble, “Just wanted to let the girls breathe a little. Sue me…”

“What?” His head tilts some more, the fine creases on his brow deepening.

“Nothing… never mind,” she quickly splutters, her cheeks flushing bright red as she visibly swallows.

Dean snorts. He’s in love with a dork, isn’t he? God, she’s adorable.

And then, it fucking happens again. Dammit…

“Was that…”

“Again – I’m so, so sorry,” he apologizes once more, although he’s sure he can’t do it often enough. His dick is an escaped zoo animal and clearly on the prowl tonight.

“No, uh… So how do you wanna do this? We could, uhm, maybe turn 180 and then close our eyes and let go… I could, uhm, run really fast down the hall, and you could just quickly back into the bathro–”

Y/N doesn’t get to finish laying out her plan. Dean’s lips on hers stop any further words from spilling out of her mouth. The featherlight kiss doesn’t last longer than a painfully anxious second, his mind racing a mile a minute, his brain positively fried.

What the hell is he fucking doing? There’s only one rule in the bunker: don’t sexually harass Y/N. Dean’s pretty damn sure he’s breaking that rule right now and crossing too many goddamn lines. How’s he supposed to ever recover from this?

“What, uh…” Y/N’s speechless, every muscle frozen stiff in his embrace. Her eyebrows draw up and reach her hairline, eyes blown wide in shock. “Or that… you could do that…”

“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” Dean groans in defeat and shame, hoping the Earth opens up and takes him straight to the burning fires of Hell. See? There aren’t enough apologies in this world to make up for his stupidity. “You know, this is all Sam’s fault… He just got into my head… I mean, this is obviously the wrong first move… I-I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just have a, you know, teeny-tiny crush on you, but still, this is obviously inappropriate.”

“You-, uhm, you have a crush on me?”

Dean swallows the hard lump in his throat. “Uh, yeah… Yeah, I do,” he admits bravely. “But don’t worry about it, okay? It’s just a temporary thing, alright?”

Y/N nods slightly in understanding. “For how long have you felt this way?”

“Well, uhm, like I said – not that long… Just a very short period of time… Like, since November 29th… 2012,” he gulps and shrugs sheepishly, watching her brow furrow in confusion.

“But… that’s the day we met,” Y/N points out.

Dean chuckles uncomfortably and rebuffs her concerns. “Is it? No…,” he rasps. “Well, uhm, anyways, that doesn’t change anything. Don’t worry, alright? No need to make this weird. I’m sure if we give it a couple more years, I’ll be completely over you.”

Y/N’s head bobs again, her lips pursing. “Okay, uhm… But what if you, uh, you know, maybe get over me in the literal sense… and I could get under you?”

The gears in his head start turning as he musingly squints his pine green eyes at her and studies her features. She seems nervous. There’s a bite of her lower lip and a light swallow in her throat, her pupils flickering insecurely. “Uhm, well… is that something you would like? I mean, to get-, uh, would you wanna get under me?”

“Uhm… yes? Yeah?” She looks up at him and meets his gaze, their eyes fully connecting for the first time since they have catapulted themselves into this mortifying situation.

“Is that a question?” Dean checks and chuckles lightly. “Because you kinda need to be sure about this, y’know?”

Another swallow and Y/N nods, determination gleaming in her eyes. He feels her weight shift forward, her feet rising on tip-toes as her palms move from his upper arms to the back of his neck. Her soft, pillowy lips catch his, a tender touch as their mouths carefully mold together. She sucks on his upper lip, nibbles on the bottom one before he feels the tip of her tongue lick between. He opens his mouth wider, lets her slip inside.

Dean’s hands then begin to travel, his confidence growing as Y/N’s fingers tug slightly on the short strands of hair in the nape of his neck, trying to draw him closer. One large hand cups her neck, the other one smoothing down her spine and pressing into the small of her back. He pushes her closer, deepens the kiss, and both of them moan needily while their tongues dance with each other. His grip on her becomes stronger, their bodies melting into one. Y/N gasps into his mouth, her hips pushing against his, skin on skin, as her bare pussy brushes his bulging dick.

“Shit…,” Dean mutters breathlessly against her lips, and Y/N breaks the kiss and meets his eyes with a hint of a smile.

Her lips are red and glistening, her chest heaving with ragged breaths. He cups her blushed cheek, thumb ghosting over the kiss-swollen flesh of her bottom lip as he mirrors her soft smile.

“You okay?” Y/N checks, giggling slightly.

Dean chuckles, palm still caressing her cheek. “Yeah, uh, just realized we’re incredibly naked.”

She snorts and nods, “Yeah, guess that doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination, huh?”

“Definitely not,” Dean agrees and laughs a little, his cheeks blushing with bashfulness. “But, look, we don’t have to do anything tonight, alright? We can take it slow.”

Y/N thoughtfully chews on her lip, her dimples showing a smile before she shakes her head. “No, I think we’ve been taking things slow for long enough.”

Dean’s face breaks into a grin before he pulls her back to his lips for a searing kiss. Y/N’s hands lock around his neck, allowing him to lift her up, and her legs instinctively wrap around his waist. His hand weaves into her hair, still damp in the back of her neck from her bath, as the scent of her delicious body wash and lotion seep into his nostrils with each intake of air.

“You smell nice,” he notes, his mouth trailing along her jawline and down her throat, leaving wet kisses in his wake as he sucks her pulse point black and blue. “Like a flower garden…”

Y/N giggles, the cute sound in his ears causing his heart to flutter. She clasps his jaw and draws his attention back to her face, nuzzling her nose against his, whispering, “Bedroom. Need you inside me…”

“Jesus, Y/N… Going in for the kill, huh? You can’t say stuff like that to a man in a compromising position,” he jokes, making her laugh more. “Okay, hold on, sweetheart. You ready?”

She confirms it with a nod, and Dean adjusts his grip on her body, grabbing her a little tighter before bolting down the bunker hallway like a little kid on Christmas morning. The huntress squeals and giggles in his arms as he kicks the door open to his bedroom, gently laying her down on the mattress. She lets herself fall back and stretches out on the bed, her shoulder blades indenting the memory foam, and he hopes the thing does as advertised and fucking remembers her forever.

“You’re fast,” Y/N teases him as he quickly makes his way on top of her.

Dean chuckles, placing soft kisses on her lips in between his laughs. “Yeah, well, I’d run a mile just to get a taste of you, sweetheart. But don’t worry – not all of it will be this fast, alright?”

“Oh, I didn’t think it would be,” she giggles and licks her lips. “Can you just do me a favor?”

“Anything, sweetheart,” Dean assures her and lovingly brushes her hair behind her ears.

“Just judging by, uhm, size-,” she interrupts her sentence for a giggle, and he joins in. She’s so fucking cute. “Can you go slow?”

“Oh, trust me. I would’ve taken my time either way, but tell you what – I’ll even do you one better,” he says. His fingers then slide up her arm, along her collarbone and down to one breast. She shivers underneath him, her skin breaking into delicate goosebumps, soon soothed by his warm lips. His thumb brushes her bud, plays with it until it hardens and then alleviates the sensation with his hot breath and wet tongue.

“Fuuuuck,” Y/N sighs blissfully, her toes curling as a smile shapes on her lips, fully relaxing under his care. “Feels so good, De.”

His chuckle vibrates against her ribcage, his mouth traveling down her upper body, his kisses not missing an inch of smooth skin. Every rib, every beauty mark, every freckle gets the attention they deserve, even teasingly dipping his tongue into her navel. The last tender kiss is placed on her mound as he moves between her legs and spreads her thighs a little wider.

A smirk forms on his face as he leers at her pussy, bright pink and already glistening with her arousal. He catches her watchful gaze, sees a bit of insecurity shimmering in it as she nibbles her fingernails and bottom lip almost bloody, so he cheekily wiggles his eyebrows and sends her a wink, causing her to giggle and roll her eyes at his antics before she lets herself fall back into the mattress with a calming, deep breath.

Licking his thumb pad, he presses it against her sensitive nub, her thighs jolting for a second at the initial touch as a hiss escapes her throat, followed shortly by a strangled whimper. Y/N’s hands fist the bedsheet a little tighter, her knuckles turning white, every muscle wired to the nth degree. Her chest heaves frantically as her breathing grows more erratic with each little circle of his digit. His index finger then stretches and reaches her dripping entrance, rubbing at the tight ring before he easily pushes inside and curls it, poking the spongey spot.

“Fuck, Dean…,” she manages to croak out, biting down on her tongue.

Dean only chuckles, a giddy feeling spreading in his stomach and loving how responsive she is to his touches. There’s a loud whimper when he kisses her pussy lips, tongue dipping between and giving her clit a kitten lick, distracting her enough to shove his middle finger inside her cunt as well, scissoring them once he’s knuckles-deep.

“Oh God… shit,” she groans and whines above him.

He laughs lightly and curiously observes the torment on her face. “Wanna cum, huh?”

“Dean, I swear… I-… please,” she begs, her initial threat morphing into a soft plea for mercy.

“I got you, sweetheart,” he assures her amusedly and swiftly presses his mouth back on her pussy, sucking her sensitive bundle of nerves between his plump lips and thrusting his digits harder and faster inside her. It only takes three, four pushes and one skilled suck before she convulses, trembles, and soaks his face and fingers in her juices. He groans at the sweet taste of her on his tongue, his cock twitches gleefully between his bow legs, only too eager to slide in next.

“Oh God! Fuck… shit… D-Dean!”

The green-eyed hunter grins broadly up at her, his face almost split in half as he bathes in her blissed-out expression and the rosy cheeks that accompany it.

“Wow,” she breathes and shakily catches his swollen and wet lips as he comes back up to her eye level, propping his arms up on the sides of her head.

“I think you’re ready for the big gun now,” he laughs and places a loving kiss on the tip of her nose and another one on her forehead.

“Uh-huh, I’m not so sure after this,” she giggles, still catching her breath. She cups his jaw, kisses him deeply, and licks her arousal from his pillowy lips. “You’re… amazing.”

“Right back at you, sweetheart,” he winks, the softness of his smile contrasting his cockiness. “Do we, uhm, need–”

Y/N shakes her head, anticipating his question. “No, uh, I’m on the pill. I just need you.”

With a smile, he nods and ducks his head, entangling her in a blazing kiss as he devours her lips. His hand pushes between their heated bodies, fisting his achingly hard cock before he threads his dickhead through her folds, coats it with her slick before it catches at her entrance. His thick and leaking tip pushes inside, slowly entering her drenched cunt inch by inch till he’s buried deep and touches her cervix, stretching her tight walls around his impressive girth and hearing her little gasps of sheer pleasure.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he rasps at the feeling of her pussy enveloping his cock and gently brushes her hair out of her face, kissing her deeply. “Taking me so well… Such a good girl f’me.”

“God, you feel like heaven,” she whimpers and wraps her arms around his neck.

As he languidly pulls out to the tip, he kisses down her neck, sucking a mark into her skin. His hand wraps around one of hers, pinning it above her head to the mattress, fingers tightly interlocking before he thrusts back into her heat. His hips then work up a rhythm, a slow and soft song, as he fucks her deep and slams home harder at just the right spot.

Her second orgasm builds slowly yet deeply, aiming to shatter her from within as she hears the ticking of a bomb in every muscle of her body, counting down the seconds before a massive explosion. She moans loudly as the earth-shattering climax hits her at full force, booming and wild as she curses his name over and over.

His fingers grip hers tighter, his thrusts growing sloppy as he lazily fucks her, her pulsating walls clenching around his firm cock. His hips begin to stutter, broad shoulders quaking as he spills deep inside her and stills. He grunts, her name falling from his lips, loud, strained, and primal when he cums, painting her walls with his milky seed.

“Wow,” Dean repeats her earlier sentiment, her giggle causing his heart to soar higher than the moon in the sky. “You okay?”

A wide smile spreads across her face, a tired nod moving her head. “Yeah, more than okay,” she assures him and seeks out his lips.

Dean places one last kiss on her hairline before removing his limp and drenched dick from her center, rolling to his side and pulling her onto his chest, his arms wrapping tightly around her frame. “Hey, Y/N?”

She wearily lifts her heavy head to meet his green eyes. “Hm?”

“Were you, uhm, lonely?” Dean asks, his fingertips drawing tender patterns on her back.

“I guess… a little, yeah,” she admits. “Why?”

He kisses her forehead and pulls her closer. “Nothing. Just… I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere, okay? You wanna move into my room?”

Y/N’s beam is blinding, her cheeks blushing brightly pink. “Yeah, I’d love that,” she replies and snuggles back into his chest.

Dean then notices her eyes falling shut, losing the battle against sleep as her breathing calms in his embrace, his own mind following her into dreamland soon after.

In the morning, Y/N and Dean are still soundly asleep, entangled in sheets and limbs, when there are a few abrupt knocks on the door before it pops open to its full extent, the youngest Winchester’s voice drowning in from the hall.

“Hey, Dean? I’m back! Look, I figured we could talk. I’m sorry about yesterd–… ay… Whoa!”

“Wha-!” Y/N jolts up from the bed at the unexpected intrusion, her elbow hitting Dean straight in the face as he rises behind her. The force of the blow knocks him out of bed, the hunter tumbling to the cold ground.

Y/N clasps her palm over her mouth, staring at Sam’s shocked expression, their eyes both wide before she glances over her shoulder to her lover on the ground.

“Ow! Jesus…”

“Y/N?”

“Hi, Sam,” the huntress smiles awkwardly at the younger Winchester, sheepishly shrugging her shoulders as she hides her naked body underneath the sheets. “Good morning. How-, uh, how was the documentary?”

“Uhm, good?” Sam doesn’t look any less freaked out by what his hazel eyes are witnessing, though.

Dean groans behind her, rubbing a palm over his aching face before sending his little brother a lazy grin. “Hiya, Sammy.”

Sam then lets out a long sigh through his nose and mutters, “About damn time…”

“Yeah, about that, little brother… Might call Eileen and book yourself a room for at least a week somewhere,” Dean tells him, smirking.

Sam’s brow furrows, “What? Why?”

“Oh, because I’m gonna rail Y/N in every room we have,” Dean explains casually, watching Sam’s eyes widen.

“Oh?” Y/N sends her boyfriend an intrigued look, which he responds to with a sly wiggle of his eyebrows and a wink. “Even the dungeon? Are you, like, gonna tie me up and stuff?”

Dean’s eyes look at her lovingly, causing her cheeks to flush with heat. “Where have you been all my life, sweetheart?”

“Oh God, what have I done…,” Sam groans with a thick swallow.

PHEW! And we’re done with one shot week, babes! 😮‍💨 I honestly hadn’t planned this but found some inspiration over the weekend and finished some WIPs, and since they were all about different kinds of love, I figured they were perfect for Valentine’s Day 💖

Hope you enjoyed these various journeys, and if you did, please consider telling me here and leaving me with some kind words 🥰 Now excuse me while I go work on a few Soldier Boy one shots. I’ve missed my toxic Ben-Ben. Read you soon, babes! 😝🖤

Everything Jensen Tags: @extraterrestriali @this-is-me19 @writercole @awkward-and-indecisive @eevvvaa @panicking-outside-the-disco @globetrotter28 @imherefordeanandbones @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior @xlynnbbyx @jassackles @maggiegirl17 @perpetualabsurdity @deans-spinster-witch @deandreamernp @foxyjwls007 @roseblue373 @lyarr24 @deanwanddamons @deanwithscissors @mrsjenniferwinchester @justrealizedimmascifygurl @akshi8278 @flamencodiva @chriszgirl92 @lhymer1995 @wittyboldsoul @djs8891 @leigh70 @snowlovespie @b3autyfuldisast3r @recoveringpastaaddict @ladysparkles78 @muhahaha303 @mimaria420 @creepzeyecandy @avanatural

Dean Tags: @parinarain @hobby27 @fromcaintodean

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x female reader #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester smut #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester one shot #dean winchester fic #dean winchester reader insert #dean x reader #dean x y/n #writing request #dean winchester x y/n #dean winchester x you #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural imagine #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfic

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tiannasfanfic · 2 years

Text

You Belong with Me: Part 1

Adrian Chase/Vigilante x Reader (Smut)

Summary: Christopher Smith can have some pretty dumb ideas sometimes regarding dating and romance. For his latest ploy in getting your attention, he drags Adrian Chase into playing the ultimate wingman. (Crossposted to AO3)

Rating: Explicit 18+

Author Note: Afab reader with non-binary pronouns. An alternate take on the Fake Dating trope. Sorry if it doesn't make much sense. I spent all day yesterday in bed and the brain fog is still pretty bad today while editing. This will be a two or three parter, kind of a slow burn.

CW: Light teasing and smut; dry humping, kissing and masturbation.

Word Count: 2,363

When Peacemaker explained his plan to finally get the woman he liked to notice him, Adrian Chase was very doubtful about it.

“Dude, I’m telling you, it’s a foolproof plan!” Chris insisted.

Adrian still wasn’t so sure. He stared at his best friend with an expression of confusion mixed with doubt.

“Run this by me one more time,” he finally. “How is me asking Y/N out, which is who you like, by the way, supposed to get them to like you and go out with you instead?”

Chris rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“For the millionth time,” he started explaining, voice tight with strained patience. “You always bring anyone you date over to my place a lot to hangout because you want us to be friends too, right? So, you get Y/N to go out with you, start bringing them over a lot like you normally would, they’ll get to know me outside of work, realize how great of a guy I am and then BAM! We switcheroo and I’m the one dating Y/N instead and you’re off the hook!”

It barely made any sense to Adrian, but he caved because it was Chris asking him. Ultimately, he never told Peacemaker no, no matter how insane the thing he was asking for was.

Considering he knew this wasn’t a real date for him, Adrian had no problem finding the courage to ask you out. He did this a few days later after a mission while you were taking inventory on the remaining ammo.

“Hey, would you want to go out with me sometime?” Adrian asked, the question falling the easiest it ever had from his mouth. “Like, as in a date?”

He expected you to say no, like most women did. He figured that he’d have to turn on the charm and work for it.

Instead, you got the biggest grin on your face.

“I’d love to!” you said without any hesitation, looking excited.

It made his heart dance a little. He didn’t know why.

Later, when he told Peacemaker you said yes, Chris clapped him on the back and Adrian felt slightly sick to his stomach. He also didn’t know why on that one either.

The evening of your first date came. Adrian was a ball of nerves on his way to pick you up, but relaxed once you were in the car. You always had that effect on him, ever since say one. Your presence calmed him down. The two of you talked all the way to the Mexican restaurant he was taking you to, the conversation flowing easily like it always did.

“I gotta say, I was really surprised when you asked me out,” you said after the two of you ordered.

“How come?” he said, diving into the chips and salsa on the table.

“I figured awhile back that you wouldn’t,” you said, shrugging. “So, I’ve been working up the nerve to do it myself.”

Adrian looked at you with a confused expression.

“To ask yourself out?”

“No, to ask you out.”

The next few minutes Adrian spent in a wild coughing fit with you clapping him on the back. Your words made him choke on the chip he was eating.

It only went downhill from there.

Which is to say, it went amazingly well for Adrian.

After your confession, there was a brief period of comfortable silence before the conversation resumed. He found out the two of you shared even more interests than he previously thought. In general, you were into most of the same things he was but had different likes and dislikes about them than he did.

As the evening went on, both of you began to get more flirty, playful even, but it stayed just this side of too inappropriate.

When he took you home, you gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek outside your door.

“I’d invite you in,” you said as you parted from the hug. “But I’m not going to tempt myself.”

“Tempt yourself?” Adrian asked, confused since he’d been inside your apartment before. “What do you mean?”

You didn’t answer, you just smiled mysteriously and kissed him on the other cheek, which made him blush, then went inside.

Despite the circumstances surrounding the date, Adrian went home feeling like he was on cloud nine. He even hummed to himself as he got ready for patrol, a bit more upbeat than he usually was. Thinking about you gave him something to direct his excess energy towards once he hit the streets on patrol. Normally, he liked to keep his thoughts occupied while on patrol. It helped him focus better on what was physically going on around him. But on slow nights like tonight, it gave him something to occupy his mind.

Eventually, his thoughts came around to how you looked at him when he walked you to your door. The urge to kiss you had been undeniable. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. While Chris had told him that he may need to date you for a while before you succumbed to his charms, which meant doing all the things people who date does, Adrian was struggling with that now. He didn’t know why, but he was having second thoughts about this whole thing.

That’s what was on his mind shortly after midnight when he got a text from you.

Hey you. How’s patrol?

Sometimes you texted him late at night when you couldn’t sleep, so this wasn’t unusual. Over the last couple of months, it had actually become quite common. You explained it once, how you had periodic flares of insomnia that sometimes got bad enough you’d go days without a full night’s rest. Adrian was usually the only one up when this happened and, once you had figured that out, you’d started texting him. He never minded talking to you. In fact, it always made his heart skip a beat when your name popped up on his phone.

Boring as fuck. Absolutely nothing is going on.

Isn’t that a good thing though? Means no crime, right?

In theory, yeah, but in practice it’s sooooooo fucking dull. Like, I’m five seconds away from staring a game of Russian Roulette with myself.

Lmao! Don’t do that. What side of town you patrolling tonight?

Northeast, over by the ATV dealership.

Ah, that sucks. If you were on this side, I was going to suggest stopping by. I can’t sleep and am bored as hell too.

Adrian thought it over for a moment then shrugged.

Fuck it, sure! I’ll come by. Nothing is going on over here, so I’ll head that way.

After picking up the Sebring, Adrian headed for your side of town. He left his car a few streets over, did a quick patrol of the surrounding neighborhoods, then headed for your place. The back fence was easy for him to hop and soon he was knocking at your backdoor. Adrian switched his mask for glasses soon after arrival and you both settled on the couch.

“Hey, I got a question,” Adrian said after he’d been over there awhile. “How come you said you couldn’t invite me in earlier, but now you can?”

You chuckled.

“I was wondering when you were going to ask about that,” you said. “That’s because earlier it would’ve tempted me to break the only rule, I have for myself, but now it won’t.”

“Oh,” Adrian said, nodding. Then realized that didn’t make any sense. “What rule is that?”

“To never have sex on the first date,” you said.

Adrian stared at you.

“Why in the fuck would you have a rule like that?” he blurted out before he could stop himself.

Fortunately, you didn’t seem bothered by the question.

“It was as good of a rule as any,” you shrugged, laughing. “After I had sex for the first time, I realized it wasn’t that big of a deal to me, so I wanted to have one rule to kind of keep myself in check.”

After he thought about it for a minute, it did make sense.

“I see,” he said, nodding. “And since there is usually an expectation for sex from the other party, it’s better to remove the temptation entirely.”

“Exactly,” you said, nodding.

“And don’t worry, I definitely understand the blanket policy,” Adrian continued. “You’ve got to do it with everyone, even people you don’t want to have sex with like me.”

You stared at him.

“When did I ever say I don’t want to have sex with you?”

Adrian stared at you again.

You smiled.

He opened his mouth to say something but found that on top of not knowing what to say, he had also forgotten how to talk entirely. He ended up sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

That didn’t matter though. Soon you were straddling his lap with your lips on his, making talking unnecessarily. He only hesitated for a moment, just long enough for all thoughts to fly out of his head, before kissing you back. His hands went to rest on your hips, squeezing and kneading them as he felt your hands slide up his shoulders to the back of his neck.

While Adrian had imagined what it would be like to kiss you, the reality of it was far better. It was just that right blend of soft and rough that Adrian loved and was able to match easily. He groaned softly as he felt your teeth gently nipping along his bottom lip, one arm slipping around your waist to pull you even closer. It was an instinctive move, and also pulled your groin directly against his. You gasped into his mouth and rolled your hips forward, making him groan deeply in his throat.

Adrian became very aware of how hard he was getting in his suit. Normally, this would be uncomfortable, but the pressure and friction you were providing gave him some relief. You felt good, even through the heavy padding of his suit in that area. While keeping his arm around you, he moved his hand down from your hip to your ass, helping you guide your movements over his throbbing dick.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him, and Adrian pulled back slightly. You opened your eyes to look down at him with a confused expression.

“Aren’t you violating your rule?” he asked, panting a little. “I don’t want to be the cause of you breaking your own rules.”

“The date technically ended as soon as you dropped me off and left,” you said immediately.

That was a good enough loophole for him. Adrian attacked your neck with his mouth.

Another thought didn’t occur to him until a few minutes later. By that point, your shirt had been flung somewhere into the room, his gloves were on the floor, and his glasses were on the end table. He hadn’t taken your bra off yet, instead he was kissing and licking the top of your breasts just above the fabric line. He still had your ass in a death grip with one hand, pushing you down as he rolled his hips up into you. He grunted softly against your skin, hearing you gasp just before you pushed yourself against him on your own. One of your hands was at the back of his neck and your fingers gripped into him, like you were trying to push him further into your chest. This ramped Adrian up even further and both of his hands went up your back, starting to fiddle with the clasp of your bra as he let his lips graze down over your nipple through the thin fabric. You gasped, hips rolling forward into his again…

And, of course, this would be the exact moment Adrian remembered how much Chris liked you. He remembered what all this was actually for, a rather elaborate and stupid plan to get you and Chris together.

Adrian also realized at this point that, if he didn’t get to keep you after of all this, he wanted no part of it anymore.

“Shit, wait, stop,” Adrian said, panting heavily as he reluctantly pushed you away.

“What’s wrong?” you said, sounding breathless, and looking concerned. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Normally the idea of you hurting him would’ve made him laugh his ass off, but right now the concern you were showing made his dick throb under you even more.

“N-no, um,” he said, not sure what to say that wouldn’t give away what was really going on. He knew by now he had a weakness for lying, so he needed to keep it simple and as truthful as possible. “I-it’s just still e-early for me to q-quit patrolling. I-I normally go until f-four or five.”

It wasn’t technically a lie. Normally he didn’t go home for several more hours. So that sounded plausible, right?

Apparently so.

“Oh!” you said, with a sheepish smile coming to your face. “That’s right. I’m sorry. I forgot you are technically still working.”

As you got off his lap, Adrian bit down on his lip, squeezing his hands into fists to keep from pulling you back onto him. He knew if he did that, there would be no stopping anymore.

“S’okay,” Adrian said, quickly standing up as soon as you were clear and adjusting his suit. “No worries. I kinda forgot myself there for a minute too.”

He heard you giggle softly and looked down at you. Your eyes were in the process of coming back to his face from his lower extremities, a playful smiling coming to your lips as your eyes met his. It was almost over right then and there. The look in your eyes made him tremble, but he quickly collected his glasses and gloves, then made a hasty retreat.

Instead of resuming his patrol like he said he was going to, Adrian went straight home. He had barely gotten in the door before he was stripping off the Vigilante suit. It didn’t take him long before he was sitting on his couch, naked and vigorously stroking his shaft as he imagined what it would feel like to have you bouncing on him.

(To be continued…)

#adrian chase #vigilante #adrian chase fanfiction #adrian chase smut #adrian chase x y/n #adrian chase x you #adrian chase x reader #vigilante fanfiction #vigilante smut #vigilante x y/n #vigilante x you #vigilante x reader

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avaelangel · 1 year

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I don't really think I would be able to let go of 1899. So, I want to talk about attire and memories. Please let me know if I should talk about the rest of the characters, because for now it's Maura, Daniel and Eyk. Spoilers and a lot of trailing away.

Let's start with Maura. The thing that won't let me rest about her is her character in the simulation. Woman, traveling alone, educated in a man's profession, a person worth making rumours about. She gets slightly chastised by Mrs Wilson and surely insulted by the only practicing doctor on the ship. But she doesn't give and helps, volunteers to a dangerous task that a man wouldn't consider at first.

I think she was coded as an ''adventorous british lady''. In my other post I said that maybe it was a part of Eliot's world. Family of British-Welsh travelers, that exceed expectations and prove mean people wrong. I also said that I might have met Maura before. And I kinda did. I randomly remembered The Essex Serpent.

Now, there isn't really a similar theme in that book. It's a great book by the way. But the main character Cora is reinventing herself after a traumatic marriage, explores percuilar circumstances, wears men's clothing and generally either makes people uncomfortable or fascinates them sometimes. She also has a rather odd son. I'm not saying that Maura was inspired by Cora or follows her path. I'm saying Maura (or Ciaran) might have picked up some tropes from the outside to mask her memories under more baggage, real or not.

Funny thing to mention: Cora's love interest is married and has a daughter. And also is a priest. At least in the book, I'm not aware of show's changes.

There is also a game called The Excavation of Hob's Barrow, where a woman is trying to look for whatever took her father. Henry is mostly harmless on a bigger scale, he is a shield of Ciaran's, just a way to move the plot into a fluid, familiar way. Probably, that's what makes Maura so lovable and intresting. She's a partly known character with a deeper pain and maybe, a secret.

So. Let's talk attire. We first see Maura in a hospital gown in her nightmare\memory. There is clearly more versions of her getting viped and they all have the same scenario before a new cycle.

She probably has the most...outfits? If you can call it that. She has her main outfit: (i think that's the name) long turkish pants with pockets, which are clearly big and the material is warm, the blouse is seemingly layered on something also, so Maura won't die after going on the deck in the middle of October. It's practical. She has a coat\cloak, but it barely even matters because the worst of it Maura endures uncloaked.

Most of the time, her hair is up, but in her son's and husband's memories her hair is down. It's clean and nicely curled. She never had a need to run or do something where her hair is going to be in the way. Peaceful times.

Daniel's memory bugs me. It's not that it's not real, but it seemes to show the level of their attachment and\or the way they express love. I prefer to think that ''I love you. Never forget'' is used depending on the situation by both of them. The moment is Daniel's memory seems to be when he feels Maura pulling away. Maybe that is something that always was there. Daniel loves her so much he's afraid that he's overbearing or annoying. I think his memory also shows that they fit very well togeter. In my mind, Daniel is somekind of a developer and my favorite trope wants to make him a writer. He is a different kind of smart compared to Maura. Does it make sence? I don't know. But he's loving and caring outloud. Maura's love is more quiet and goes deeper. They are both willing to overcome so much for their loved ones. Probably, everything.

What bugs me, why the gown? It doesn't look like a nighty. Maura says that she's starving, puts on a mental hospital gown and...disappears? Is that the guilt that Daniel carries? On the surface, I think he's supposed to be different from all the others, but is he running towards his guilt? He couldn't prevent his family from falling apart, he couldn't prevent Ciaran taking over, but he still can get Maura out. That's why he persevers and that's why he doesn't really care about people outside his purpose. He's there to mold the simulation to his needs.

He also looks...the most different from time to time, I think. Maybe, he didn't get in at the same time with the others or he left and came back. ''I won't leave you again''. Maybe, after that moment shown by Henry to Eliot, Daniel did leave. He had the suit on.

We see Maura in that suit twice. Daniel only once and in the spaceship one bed\capsule is open. Did he leave then? And doesn't Maura's haircut in the end look like her ponytail was cut off? I only just noticed that.

His hair seems to be different each time. Also, I think it's a sad thing that he wasn't made as curly as Aneurin is. Did he comeback only four months ago, interfering with Ciaran's plans? His outfit seems era appropriate, but also really warm and kind of thoughtout for a ship. Was he a part of the crew on Prometheous? Did he still his coat the same way Jerome stole his uniform?

But the pictures...I first thought that he wears that short male coat with big buttons. But it certainly not the coat he wears on the ship. His hair is shorter, the same length like in his memory. Maybe it's that second layer under the main coat, but really, who knows.

Pictures are still tricky. They all there almost the same clothes. The same haircuts. So, It was one that one day Eliot comes back to? A moment to remember which was a part of a simulation. Pictures also remind me of that childhood photoalbum from Black Widow. The one where years we shot in one weekend or something.

It kinda looks like there were different cameras or different film.Different way of development? Maybe, the black and white ones are pictures that Eliot tried to develop. There is also a picture that seemingly was taken by him. A picture in his little playing room. Daniel also seems...not as traumatized? I don't want to say it, but did they agree to spend that day together, in the simulation, for Eliot? Without being on the best of terms? Eliot is always in the middle, also. Make of it what you will.

Eliot deserves his own mention. He is a good little sport. He has to come to many hard realizations. He almost doesn't cry, only when Eyk and Henry scare him. He also has a memory that ends with Maura's hospital gown. Is the picnic his last memory before the first cycle?

He also wears..only this. In every memory, in every appearance. Beside that one hazy moment that Henry shows him. Was Maura put in the chair as a punishment for what she did to Eliot? Could her and Daniel's suffering be at least partly revenge?

Let's talk about Eyk. He also, as far as I have noticed, wears the same clothes. He is also the only one who didn't cause the reason for his guilt directly. He probably didn't see his house burning down. Even worse, he might have goten a telegram about it or something. That's why he keeps imagining it, dreaming of it.

He wakes up into his nightmare.It's a common thing, but I think he's the only one to do that.

He probably remembers the woods, the road to his house. To me, it doesn't seem like he was coming up and saw his wife droping the lamp. He also sees only Nina in the window with her. It's horrible to think that his wife was jealous of Nina. But she clearly was Eyk's favorite, as a I said so before. Even though in the family picture he is the only one in black, but he isn't the only brunette.

I went to re-check it, his middle daughter isn't blonde either, but she is closer to her mother in the shot. An argument to my insanity: you can't really say that Eyk's late wife is blond. ANYWAY. I still think that Nina was the only one who stayed late with him to talk. He probably raised only her. The other two saw very little of him and that is where his guilt lies. Didn't pay enough attention, didn't ask more questions, didn't take time to see that everything is okay. He probably was a neglectful husband, at least. It gets sad with him real fast here.

He's also the only one to walk out of his memory. He opens the door, just like Tove later, and then just stays in his burned down living room. If it wasn't for Albert, who knows what Eyk would have done. Could Daniel be using him to speed things up? Is it his purpose? To be Maura's sidekick, make her consider the fact that she has a husband even less? He knows about the sea as much as possible, but connecting to people is so much harder. Their connection makes them both feels special on a base level.

Eyk for sure is special. I wanted to be edgy for a second and make a post "What if he IS Ciaran?''. I mean, they never kiss and traumatized siblings tend to stick close to each other. But I am more inclined to think that Eyk was Maura's patient. I said the same thing about Daniel, but it would be to different situations. I can very clearly imagine Eyk being anxious and weirded out in grief group counceling.

I was going through screencaps and this shot caught my eye.

Maura is his confidant to the end. It's so sad that they strike as a couple that won't work out. One is neck deep in his grief, the other desperately tries to avoid it, run away. This probably means she would run away from Eyk too. A sad, sad irony.

Show's intro is very interesting also. It shows Eyk reaching out to Nina (assuming) and crumbling. Did he lead him to his demise in previous cycles? He probably did die at some point on previous ships.

If you reached this point, thank you. Let me know if you enjoyed it and if i should ramble more about 1899. I probably will, because I can. Might even take writing requests, who knows.

#1899 #1899 spoilers #1899 netflix #save 1899 #1899 theories #maura x daniel #maura x eyk #maura franklin #eyk larsen #daniel solace #what can i say i have very little amount of friends #i wish i could pretend i'm smart about cinema for a living

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tomwambsgans · 2 months

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i think a lot in general, really, about greg's culturedness (and lack thereof) and his interests, both what he's canonically known to like and what i can imagine he'd like -- and, also, what the fandom has often seemed to just decide he likes. and it's funny bc he's kinda shoehorned into the trope of the bookish type, when like... he's not, lol?

not that he couldn't be, like i do like to imagine him having been a bookworm as a kid, and getting (back) into reading through tom, but imo the wider fandom's desire to actually characterize him this way comes at best from greg being really verbose and awkward. and a little bit from the way he occasionally dresses. and like, yeah, he clearly is kinda cultured. he (probably) went to college for a period of time. he knows a lot of fun facts. particularly about animals. he's familiar with the blue danube waltz.

...and he maintains likely performative knowledge of current events prior to that being his job. he almost certainly got/gets the majority of his news through twitter. he doesn't know any philosophers or historians despite that being something ewan has clearly been talking about forever. he listens to self-help podcasts. he enjoys the in-universe equivalent to shitty marvel movies (though he's at least self aware about it and calls them mediocre). and he's got entry-level art on the wall of his office.

he's also often figured to be a musichead - and yeah, i like the idea of midwest/canadian emo greg. death cab and weezer and records from the 70s, especially as a teenager. But the only music we know for a fact that he listens to is rap. and i think the reason that this (and similar) facts are touched on so little by the fandom (including myself, ngl) is that it's a point of non-relatability for people. so much of greg is deeply relatable, as well as aesthetically aspirational. but the bits that aren't relatable, particularly for tumblr users, are really unrelatable. acknowledging some of greg's few canonical interests (especially just working with how few there even are without inventing new ones) creates an image of a whole different and kinda uncomfortable type of guy. whether it's the fact alone that it's rap (which i'm sure is not a common interest among tumblr's userbase), or the specific discomfort of the vibe that greg gives off re: enjoying it, that has to be what's going on. or a big part of it.

also i obviously don't think there's anything wrong with headcanoning particular interests and just assuming that we barely have an opportunity to see them, but i do think it's noteworthy that in general we very rarely if ever hear greg make any cultural references, especially compared to other characters. my personal take on this is that a combination of 1) a pathological need to Fit In, 2) being a stoner for possibly all his formative years, 3) genuinely not having access to a lot for a while, and 4) putting focus mainly into conventional success for the show's timeline, has helped craft a greg who just did/does not interact with media very much or very deeply. unlike others, he has not been afforded that leisure time.

it's the desperation to convince ourselves that greg is not the Normie With Nothing Going On Upstairs that he sometimes seems like, i think, that mostly motivates all this. he's simultaneously too relatable and too unrelatable for the average viewer. like, when you relate to any of the sibs you're perfectly ready to ignore the parts of their life that are related to their wealth and to focus only on the family aspects, bc that's what matters. there isn't the same kind of wall between the audience and greg, so he inevitably gets reshaped. not just getting toploaded with headcanons but having the character traits that influence his canon interests, or vice versa, ignored.

(NOT trying to conflate liking rap with being uncultured btw, just the fact that we don't know of almost anything else he likes, and it appears so little anyway and doesn't seem in line with the rest of his aesthetic and therefore feels easy to ignore. and liking marvel movies DOES in fact make you seem less cultured, so.)

thing is, i think there's a lot you can do without compromising greg's core traits and a lot of it is just up to personal taste and what any given person wants to project onto him. in any case it IS very congruent with canon that greg would develop new interests, or deepen more shallow ones, throughout the timeline of the show and especially after. he's got more time and money and opportunities now. he has a favorite champagne now. greg's journey is partially, ostensibly, one of him honing his taste.

#greg hirsch #meta #mine

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toxicanonymity · 10 months

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Do you ever struggle with feelings of discouragement or inadequacy if your fics don’t do as well as you had hoped?

I’m struggling with that myself. I try not to get so hung up on it but it’s very hard, especially when something I’m so proud of doesn’t do as well as my other works.

I don’t even feel motivated to write bc I don’t wanna set myself up for disappointment

Discouragement, sure, I think that's natural sometimes. But I really don't feel like stats have anything to do with adequacy. Baring my soul, yuck. But fuck it we ball. Sorry it's a long answer.

I don't think I've ever answered a serious ask aside from the time i created Dr. rock which hardly counts but I've seen a lot of people struggling with this lately and hope this might be idk comforting to a person or two without leading to debate/discourse.

You mentioned something you're proud of isn't doing as well as your other works, and I can see how that would be disappointing. For laughs, I'll compare 2 of mine. These fics are impossible to compare (as are most, I think) but I def understand the urge to measure yourself against what you see as the potential. Aches: <1k popular trope I banged out in no time, wasn't sure about it, literally thought "people don't have to like it" before I hit post. >4 notes per word. Left in Lincoln: >22k posted so far, challenging, writing it for months. Has possibly driven me crazy bc I had this passing thought the other day and not about TLOU. (I didn't feel like re-reading it all): "I should just rewatch the movie. . .wait." 🤡 The whole Lincoln series combined has fewer notes than Aches lmao. But it's far more rewarding in getting to see it come to life, quality of engagement, and stretching myself 😏. It's not for everyone, for various reasons. Surely would have better stats without the twist I went with. But at what cost??

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Often, if people don't read or like something, it's a reflection of their own interests, limitations, and assumptions. And the right "fit."

I don't rly read much in general, but specifically, I rarely read long stuff (if I do I prob scan a lot tbh). I normally only want, if any, just enough plot/premise to build sexual tension. I don't read fluff or angst. I don't have the attention span / commitment to get invested in original characters. I tend to avoid stuff similar to what I'm working on. I make assumptions - If there's no word count, maybe it's too long. I know a lot of the fics I skip for these reasons must be fantastic. Assumptions I experience - I've seen very popular fics in the wild that strike me as dark, creepy, or pervy but aren't tagged that way. So some things that are tagged dark, etc., including plenty of mine, might not be dark in the way people assume based on their own ideas, or based on what others do tag. Also some people think I only write dark when sometimes it's just horny (see master list).

I've sometimes found myself thinking "It sucks more people don't read this bc i bet they would enjoy it" (not just my own fics). It might sound egotistical but I think it's often true.

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Of course I want engagement because that means more people reading something which can mean more interaction, discussion, learning what you liked, what you think, etc. that's what I love.

But notes aren't rly near the top of what I care about, even though it does feel great to get them and I truly appreciate every single one.

Night walks doesn't get nearly as many notes as some of my other stuff, especially these days, but it's fun to write and I like to feed his feral fans who only get more into him with time. Same with raider: among those who do read and engage, I sense rising enthusiasm, thirst, and rate of falling in love with him (my bad). That's all worth more than 1000 likes to me. I have a good time writing these guys, so I write them more than other ones that get way more notes 🤷. I'm not saying notes don't matter at all, I know they affect exposure and engagement. But if just did what gets notes, I don't think I'd have such high quality engagement bc I'd just bang out more stuff with the most popular tropes instead of our fave Joels and those destined to become our faves bc they offer something special.

My outlook was the same before I had so many followers btw. Rock Bottom (22k) was what I felt like writing, still more ambitious than anything I've done in the Halloween fandom. I was disappointed it got way less attention than my one shots, but I know it's a banger, just certainly not for everyone lol.

I'm sorry for what you're experiencing and feeling, but I think it's very common and hope you can reframe it to not feel inadequate. I especially hope it doesn't discourage you from writing. ❤️

#ask #how the sausage is made #toxicanonymity writer's room #this doesnt mean i answer serious asks now lol

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pokefighter · 1 year

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Thoughts and headcanons

I was lazy to type these at first despite it being in the back of my mind for months, but it’s nice to have a place to organize dumb thoughts. As I’m catching up on other anime like Yugioh, it’s kind of sad that Death Note in comparison doesn’t have much content in terms of world building, merchandise, or even showing what a character’s life is like outside of doing their job. In fact, some of their existence are treated solely as a plot device instead of a fleshed out compelling person. I know it’s mainly because DN’s writing is more story-driven than on characters, but it leaves me wanting to know more about them.

Besides being highly fond of a few characters, admiring the animation’s cinematic visuals and how the style is a time capsule of early 2000 anime (muted color palette, gothic aesthetic, white gradient lighting) I’m not that invested with DN as a whole, the Yotsuba arc being the weakest with forgettable side villains (seriously, how often do you hear anyone mention the Yostuba members besides occasionally Higuchi?) and a section that dragged on longer than it should have. Rem being the one to kill L also ruined the point of this whole battle of wits DN was building up if Light can simply make a fucking shinigami do the work. It’s fine though, L’s passing means BEST BOY NEAR has now entered the picture.

Only Near can have soulless eyes and still be cutest thing alive. He actually fits well with the gothic visual design of DN in subtle ways- It’s those black eyes that stare right into your soul, his ghostly appearance, playing with creepy toys/finger puppets/L’s mask, and smiling like a psychopath out of nowhere in some scenes, hilariously contrasting his usual stoic demeanor.

Onto headcanons:

Near

can be more sensitive than he lets on, he’s just good at hiding it.

avoids eye contact unless it’s with someone he trusts.

enjoys visual stimulation such as the flickering of holiday lights, rain drops on a window, colorful contraptions performing in a loop or predictable pattern like a toy train driving in circles or a spinning windmill (I sketched something for this).

round pudgy Near >>>> generic skinny anime girl Near. I get why some imagine him skinny since he barely....moves. but a lil bit of chub fits his character design better. Plus there’s already plenty of skinny bitches in DN so it’s more fun to see some variety (long-haired Near is an exception bc he lost all his baby fat by then).

has a rather big capacity to hate or look down on someone, shown by his opinions on Kira, the president, Takada, etc. It’s visually amplified in the anime where he constantly looks like an angry kitten.

smug brat

the giant common room at Wammy’s House is also Near’s playroom and there are days when everyone needs to clear out so he can play amongst 1000000000000000+ legos.

his reaction came off as cold during the announcement of L’s death, but I imagine he didn’t exactly know how to express his grief at the moment. You even see a nonverbal display of his upset in canon when he spills his puzzle pieces on the floor. The first emotion he felt was anger towards L. The hero he respected was supposed to be unbeatable. L promised he’d win. It’s not until Near’s alone in his room that he breaks down.

this one’s not a headcanon, but I love the fact that he's literally the only main character who survived. And on top of that, a breaker of the white-haired-anime-character-dies trope. What a king. Big win for autism.

has extremely low pain tolerance. One little splinter to the finger and he’s done.

Creepy nightmare fuel L is best L.

can play the piano and sometimes does it during his Wammy House visits.

has 0 interest in romantic relations. He doesn’t even express interest in making friends. He’s shown only ever focused on crime solving and is content with it. Other than that, I can only see him as a top. He’s prideful, hates losing any ounce of control, and isn’t the type to let his guard down.

L understands Near best. Everything about them looks like they’d be on the same wavelength. They can communicate and tell what the other’s thinking with a glance. No words needed.

so dependent on sweets that he can’t function without it, almost like an addict. If he doesn’t get his daily sugar, he becomes distressed and easily irritated.

Speaking of addiction, I doubt he’s the type to use drugs (though he certainly would have easy access), but maybe he’d save it for rare occasions when he needs to truly wind down and turn off his mind especially after an exhausting case.

is impatient and less cooperative when working with others as opposed to Near. (canon actually, just an observation.)

like Near, L is also sensitive to noise and dislikes being around loud people/environments, but he’ll tolerate it if it’s necessary.

unlike Near, L has a much higher pain tolerance. He took a punch to the face several times and didn’t even flinch. If something did hurt, he’d under react simply saying: “ow.” with the same stoic face.

Yeah I know that’s Misa’s eye but there’s no official anime screencap for B so fuck it that’s him with mascara.

Beyond Birthday

if Another Note ever got an anime adaption, Akira Ishida would be the ideal voice for B. Just listen to these clips. I can’t find anyone else more perfect for the role. A soft yet menacing tone, constantly scheming.

I know there’s BxL fanfics out there, but it’s hard to see B ever wanting him. If anything, I’m more convinced that B loathes L, what he represents, and how he’s idolized by the kids at Wammy’s House, you know, an institution that grooms orphans to become L’s successor.

B is also often depicted as a top but we all know he’s true bottom because what edgy tryhard says out loud: “I’m a top, an aggressive top (guys i swear i’m a top look at me lick this knife i’m so evil)” -B

he’s a few years younger than L.

was close friends with A. A’s death was the final straw that pushed B to leave Wammy’s House.

B is Californian, more specifically from L.A. What better location to scheme complex murders than in a place you’re well familiar with?

he had eyebrows, but shaved them off for his L disguise.

#death note #near #L lawliet #beyond birthday #headcanons #thots

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epitome-of-an-openbook · 1 year

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The prevalence of male character feminization is really high in the ST fandom and I’m not sure how to feel about it. It can’t just be the hanky thing (that costume designer has no idea what they’ve unleashed!) and I understand that it’s a kink and I’m not going to shame that. But as you say, it seeps into lots of fics where it’s like people think that’s how a bottom acts.

I wondered if it was the huge influx of tik tok teens that came with S4, who might (MIGHT) be eager to just run with their own thoughts rather than following canon? I mean, a small but significant proportion of Steddie fans readily admit haven’t even watched previous seasons. A couple of authors have even said they hadn’t watched the show at all, and only know it from tik tok. Now, they’re allowed to be in the fandom. All are welcome. It’s just an interesting phenomenon. It would explain some of the poor grammar in some fics. I’m not talking all fics/all young authors, some of them are brilliant. But with dialogue, some seem to think you put a period wherever a comma would normally go, and that’s something I’ve never seen in any other fandom. And then there’s your/your, the past tense of to lie/to lay, peek/peak/pique, queue/cue, bear/bare…I could go on for ages.

But that’s beside the point. Back to feminization: another consideration is the fact that many authors write their favorite characters as a self insert of sorts. Not just fanfic authors, either: Stephen King does it all the time, and other authors too. So that means some (again, not all) female authors will write Steve (it’s usually Steve, let’s be honest here) that way because they want him to be loved the way they want to be loved, whether that involves kink or not.

I’m not a fan of it, personally. I like Steve how he is in canon, and a lot of traditionally ‘feminine’ tropes don’t fit him. When he’s written as a coy or coquettish, or someone who cries all the time, for example, it’s not to my taste. Kinda throws me out of the story, tbh. But it clearly is appealing to lots of other people.

That’s not to say that Steve doesn’t have some ‘female’ traits. I find the babygirl Steve meme as funny as anyone else, and of course he has been given the reluctant babysitter role. In S3 he was so prettily styled it was crazy, and he was the one receiving creepy facial caresses from the Russian general when any other show would have had that happen to Robin. But he can be written as he is in canon - that same pretty boy who’s also a jock, who can take a punch like a champ, is an adorable doofus and a recklessly courageous protector - and still be a bottom.

I also have no idea where it really comes from. However, the feminization for the purpose of making one character in a mlm gay relationship 'the man' of the relationship and the other 'the woman' of the relationship is a widespread issue across most fandom spaces tbh, and I know that everytime it comes up its just cycled discourse that's been talked to death - but the fact of the matter is that gay men in fandom spaces have repeatedly told us that it's harmful. There is a tasteful way to have Steve (or Eddie or whoever) explore a more feme gender expression, but it becomes very clear in fic when the feminization is being used as a way to fit a gay relationship into heteronormative gender-roles and/or fetishize the pairing. It is all very "so who wears the pants in this relationship?" imo - which really sucks. A metalhead nerd and a prom king jock can be in a relationship with each other without having to sacrifice the masculine aspects of their personalities. It is so rare in gay relationships for one person to always be the bottom or always be the top and sometimes the top is the tiny femme one and the bottom is the big masculine one. And sometimes neither has any particularly femme qualities and sometimes neither have any particularly masc qualities.

Also, on another barely related note - what is with people exaggerating their heights to fit this idea, one of the first indicators I have for "this fic might not be for me" is if one of them is suddenly towering over the other despite the fact that Joe Keery/Steve is just barely an inch taller than Joe Quinn/Eddie?? Idk if that's just a personal preference thing, and I don't always hate it but it's another thing that I feel sometimes gets used to enforce het-gender roles.

IDK if my points came across all that clearly, but the issue isn't necessarily "Stop Babygirl-ifying Steve" so much as it is "Stop Babygirl-ifying Steve in a way that's fetishizing gay men" and that can get kind of lost in the discourse I think - imo it's pretty easy to pick out when it's done well and when it's done harmfully and everyone can read what they want to but I personally am going to try and stay away from the latter.

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #asks #the babygirlification of steve harrington

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lediz-watches · 1 year

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Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

To quote or paraphrase Andy Farrant (I watched the stream a few days ago, the wording's not in my head) "It was better than it had any right to be."

This was such a fun movie, though. It was silly popcorn fun with legitimate heart, which is exactly what action adventure movies should be.

I loved the overarching narrative and the way it showed a legitimate found family long before it verbally addressed it. I loved the relationship between Holga, Edgin, and Kira, and that beautiful repeated phrase "I'm gonna bring back your mom".

As someone who loves the idea of DnD but has never had much success with it (I think it's very telling that my favourite DnD stream is Oxventure and I couldn't sit through more than ten episodes of Critical Role), it was so curious how they played this. They didn't (although they very easily could have) show you the rolls, but you could definitely feel them sometimes. I'm not just talking about the Nat20s and NatOnes, but like Simon's player in general is a very good player with such cursed dice. He failed so many saves and had to adjust around them.

I actually wonder how someone who has never played the game would react to some of them, actually. Like, there's a point where Simon gets his foot caught in some cobblestones. To a DnD player, what happened is that it's clearly a failed stealth check followed by several failed saves from everyone to free him. But I wonder if to a non-player whether that seemed like a bit of an arbitrary complication to the story for DRAMA.

But there are, I should point out, very few points where I actually noticed those points that would likely end up as a divide. Mostly, I think, the movie was incredibly accessible.

Like, even painfully DnD tropes. Everyone points out that Xenk is either a DMPC or a player who barely ever gets to play and so is always overpowered so they can be a fun addition. But the actual painfully DnD trope about him is that he's just SO Lawful Good. So lawful that he can only walk in straight lines. But rather than it being specifically a DnD joke, he's a parody of The Perfect Hero. Everyone knows that trope. Everyone can follow that trope.

So the only problem I have with it from an adaption perspective is how twisted and messy the story felt. As a DnD player, it was fine - the players were scrambling to find solutions to a problem and were going on multiple quests to figure out what they would do. But I can definitely see how an outsider might find it all... incohesive.

They're gathering party members > oh, that wasn't good enough.

They're going to search for a helmet > oh, that isn't available.

They're going in search of a hero > oh, he's going to give them a different quest for the helmet.

They've got the helmet but more importantly they have this hero > oh, he's leaving, okay.

They've got the helmet > oh, that won't work.

They're doing a heist > oh, that's not going to work either...

Like, I get it. I FELT it. But I can also see how an outsider might react to it in the same way I originally felt watching The Dark Knight. After a point, plot twists get tedious. And some of these plot threads could have been entire stories on their own rather than quick asides. Everything was a little too shallow in order to fit a lot of story into a twisted adventure.

But that said, I enjoyed it. And I loved the complications in this a lot more than I do in heist movies where it all turns out that it actually went exactly as the grandmaster thief intended all along.

And more than anything, I loved the main arc. I am always a sucker for Found Family, but this was beautiful.

From the very start, the film goes out of its way to SHOW us that Holga and Kira are an unconventional but very real mother and daughter. Holga has a closer relationship with Kira than Edgin does. BUT the story is told from Edgin's perspective, so it repeatedly TELLS us that Holga is Edgin's partner, Kira is Edgin's daughter, and the quest is to bring back Edgin's dead wife so she can be a mother to Kira.

I love that dichotomy SO MUCH. I adore it when stories not only use show and tell cohesively, but make the difference between them a POINT. It was amazing, and something that I think couldn't have been done nearly as well in a written medium, I'm so in awe of how effortless it felt.

That one line was... mmph! Nice job, Mr Pine, nice job making that line hit your character so hard.

AND while I probably can't get into it without going on a whole essay about western ethics re: resurrection, there was something I really appreciated about how the film didn't linger over Edgin's wish and decisions about his wife. This was a DnD campaign. Resurrection is expensive and a pain, but it's a thing that happens, the only issue is Faerun lore about other planes, let's move on.

Last thing I'll talk about is the characters themselves. This was such good casting, and I love the characters and how they're embodied.

I love Holga's unapologetic dumb muscle and how much heart she had. (Side note, Bradley Cooper's cameo was wonderful and heartwrenching and that whole mini-arc is going to quietly stay in my heart for a long while)(Side-side note, I love Bradley Cooper so much more as a supporting character actor than a lead. He's SO GOOD at what he does but lead characters make his arcs overwrought)

I love Simon and Doric's blunt, awkward style and how you can tell they'll work well together but would be hopeless without Edgin's charm and energy to guide them.

I love Edgin, and I LOVE Edgin played by Chris Pine, who balances that charm and quiet desperation and arrogance into one perfect BARD. He was SUCH a BARD, even though he was missing the magic and lore (yeah... Simon fails saves, Edgin fails knowledge checks all. the. time. His dice hate the lore and it's absolutely a running joke at the table). His personality was just embodied Harper bard and it was perfect.

I love Hugh Grant's villain era because I actually find it a very natural evolution of his typecasting. But more than anything, I love that Forge isn't and never was actually evil. He's Neutral. He's selfish and willing to do either good or bad to achieve his goals. He didn't really want his friends to die, and you know, the overall outcome of the scheme was regrettable, but he would get away with money, love, and his life, so... -shrug- And Hugh Grant plays that so well. He's so dry and deadpan and you're never sure whether he's making fun of you or not, and it just works. So it's Nice. I like it. Nice.

But yeah! I could ramble about the things I loved for days, and there are certainly things I would have preferred, but this was actually a really good, really fun movie using DnD rules and tropes.

Good game, Paramount. Well done.

#dndhat #dungeons and dragons #honor among thieves #movie review #can we have more please?#a tv series #working with Jim Henson's creature shop #Because those animatronics were great to see but #I mean the dragonborn was amazing #but those tabaxi uhhhh #I want to see Kira level up into a scary battle rogue

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horatio-fig · 1 year

Text

I studied something called Toxic Beta Masculinity for my Dissertation. I covered toxic fan culture, gatekeeping and incels, inspired by my experiences in the Star Wars Community. I could talk for hours about so much stuff, but I want to talk about Syril Karn.

I basically studied men like him, so seeing it playing out on my screen every week has been truly wonderful. TV and film only ever show the extreme vilified side of things when actually, it’s much more subtle and nuanced and harder to spot in real life.

(I’m gonna use some very broad statements here but I can clarify anything if people want. I want to make it very clear I am not defending anyone’s behaviour, this is just purely my take from an academic point of view)

What we’re seeing is something called Toxic Beta or Toxic Geek Masculinity. Masculinity is not bad. When you break down the core values of what makes a ‘successful man’ a lot of them are positive.

They’re things like “be able to provide for your loved ones”, “be physically fit and healthy”, “Protect your loves ones”. This translates to simply, have a partner, have a good job so you have money, have money so you can buy a house, etc. People who can do these things are categorised as Alpha males, those who cannot are Beta.

(Again, using very broad terms here)

Due to modern life, ‘Beta males’ are becoming a lot more common. A lot of us can’t afford our own place so we have to move in with our parents. It’s a lot harder to find any sort of job, and finding a good paying one is almost impossible. We’re stuck in bad jobs, living with our parents, making barely enough money to survive.

Just because you are in that situation, does not mean you are toxic. But it's very easy to fall into that trap.

Toxic Beta masculinity happens when these men realise that they do not possess the traditional masculine tropes. But instead of accepting that, they choose to vilify and blame those who do have them, or decide it’s someone else's fault. However, they’re not going to try and attack alpha males, because they are higher up than them. So, they instead project hate towards people who they think are below them (women, POC, Queer people) This is why the Star Wars Community has such problems with bigotry and it’s where gatekeeping comes from. (I’ll probably do a more in-depth post about this one day) Sometimes it’s malicious, but a lot of the time it is subconscious and they won’t realise they’re even doing it.

But, we’re not talking about that, we’re talking about Syril.

Going back to the living with parents and no money thing. Millennials and younger generations will very likely never own property or make investments. After our living expenses, we are left with very little money and very little time to indulge in our hobbies. So, we have the choice to try and save up, or, what mostly happens is, we invest our money and time into something that brings us joy or we deem important.

However, when we do this, we’re essentially deciding that our passion for something outweighs everything else and naturally we get defensive and over protective over the things we love. This passion can manifest itself in different ways, from a need to become an expert in it, to a need to lash out and be aggressive.

Syril is this situation now. His life has started to crumble and worst of all he can pinpoint the exact moment when it happened. He can see all the people who are to blame, Cassian for killing his crew, His mother for pushing him too much, Meero for not letting him get any further in the investigation. The fact that all of these people are minorities is subtle, but very important.

(He has nothing but respect for the older white men of authority he runs into, whether it be his old boss, or his new one, and always does as he’s told. But when it comes to people who are ’lesser’ than him, he feels that entitlement to take what he wants. Yes, he respects Meero as an officer, but not enough to respect her boundaries.)

We see he has figurines in his room, much like a lot of us do. He has become obsessed with justice and fighting for what is right in his own warped way and he has started to become fixated and defensive about it. His beta masculinity is starting to become toxic.

He is not an Incel, he is not a racist bigot or a raging misogynist. Yet. He has the capacity to be all these things, but that doesn't mean it’s set in stone. There are all the pieces for a truly great redemption story, or a truly powerful descent into villainhood. We’ll just have to see how the writers choose to go.

I hope Star Wars Fans watch Andor and see themselves in Syril, and view his descent as a warning. I am not ‘defending incels’ or playing devil's advocate, but there are a lot of stages before someone gets to that point that I think people need to be more aware of so that you can spot it in yourself, or in someone else and act before it’s too late. You can stop radicalization, but it is very hard to undo it.

Anyway, it’s truly wonderful seeing the thing you studied and nearly went insane over being portrayed on TV and being portrayed in such a brilliant way. People are not binary, there is no black and white, no one is 100% good or bad. Anyone is open to radicalization. Andor has captured this better than any piece of media I have ever seen and I am so grateful for its existence.

#long post #i could have made it longer tbh I could talk about this all day #star wars andor #syril karn #It’s brilliantly done #Oh the temptation to do a PhD #Urgh that moment when you get to use your niche topic of study ��

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pastelcryptid · 1 year

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something that I’ve personally not seen other people talk about exactly before re: Nope (despite talking in general about neurodivergency in the characters, some offhand jokes about being gender non-conforming) is that

as someone who loves a lot of action movies, save-the-world movies I am very aware on some level when I watch those films (I mean, movies in general are like this but especially those genres) that they are taken up by (white, cis, straight) men. And as much as I might love those movies and the characters and the tropes, there is a fatigue that comes with experiencing such a high percentage of films where the cast is dominated by men. Sometimes there might be only one woman in the main cast, and you’re lucky if she’s treated well (this is obviously improving slowly), to say nothing of NB people. However, I noticed at some point that, huh, Nope is still a majority male cast. Yet I don’t feel that fatigue when I watch the movie. Why?

Of what I consider to be the key players, four are men - OJ, Angel, Jupe/Ricky and Antlers. Even with Otis Sr., who has about 3 minutes of screen time, he is a figure that looms large over the story. He established the ranch, its reputation (that in itself inspired by his great-great grandfather).

Apart from Emerald (appropriately named as she is a fucking gem) there are only a few female speaking parts in the film and they get a handful of lines. I would say that the most important women in the film aside from Em, in terms of how they fit into the themes of the movie, are Amber Park and Mary Jo Elliott. Amber has doesn’t have a huge part, and then she dies horribly. You could say Mary Jo also doesn’t have many lines but actually, when I was writing this I realised... Mary Jo doesn’t have any. The only time we hear her speak is when she’s saying Haley’s lines, the rest is barely intelligible begging as she’s brutalised. Adult Mary Jo never says a word, and then she also dies horribly. She never gets to speak for herself, Jupe takes all the attention, and she is consumed. This obviously fits into the whole thing, and I feel like you could write a tonne about Mary Jo alone, but this isn’t what I came to talk about exactly.

so, if it’s so male-heavy, why does it almost not feel that way? I think one of the most interesting things about this film, and something I love about it, is that it has such varied, interesting portrayals of masculinity. Even in their mildly problematic to incredibly reprehensible moments, the men in this movie do not feel like cookie cutter sticks of bravado. The same ones we have been exposed to decade after decade, especially in Westerns.

firstly, you have OJ. I’m not saying anything new in talking about the fact that he is very spectrum-coded. He dislikes eye contact, finds it hard to pick up on social cues, he comes across as awkward or blunt to those who don’t know him well, likes his routine, and prefers to spend his time alone, working with the horses. He’s also speaks very little, in fact as a side bar, I would say Daniel Kaluuya has made quiet characters into an art form. He has played many roles that are not loud, or overly talkative, and yet they all feel incredibly distinct from one another.

I also find it important to note that another very good post by tumblr user @soupbi pointed out that, while I consider the autistic tones to OJ’s personality to be undeniable, there is a history of Black men having to avoid eye contact with white people in order to protect themselves from racist abuse/murder. I’d say this definitely factors in during the commercial shoot, particularly given Bonnie’s reaction to his name and everyone’s general rudeness to him that can’t be handwaved as general “well everyone in LA is rude af”. OJ’s Blackness is also relevant because his presence is not just another example of white masculinity and heroism. OJ is a hero, but he is allowed to be one not in spite of his lack of - for a better term - conformity, but because of it. His family’s place in film history is intertwined with Black history. His knowledge, his care, his skill, his love, his reluctance to Look, are all things that help to figure out how to deal with Jean Jacket, and keep his sister safe. And despite his difficulty relating to others, he accepts Angel pretty easily despite the fact that Angel has incredibly contrasting traits.

So then you have Angel. Again, not another white dude. I think if he had been played by one, he would’ve been danger of coming off a bit creepy/incel. Angel does have some tendencies that are more in line with what you might expect from a typical tech/conspiracy guy in these movies - griping about his ex-girlfriend in the beginning, referencing the whole “probes up our asses” obsession that so many people seem to have with UFOs (that I have always felt comes from a similar place of fear to prison rape jokes because... why is that such a common thread in invasion stories/theories?), and apparently he mines cryptocurrency based on something he has in his apartment?? I don’t know shit about mining crypto and I don’t want to, but anyway.

All this to say, when you get down to it Angel is a socially awkward guy with a lot of fear played with incredible depth by Brandon Perea (we all know how much the movie got edited to accommodate his revamped character). A lot of scenes in the movie involve him being visibly and verbally scared. Incidentally, maybe the line of his I find most charming is when he goes off about forgetting to do the feed for Antlers’ camera because he was busy rigging the sky dancers and then says “Sorry. I’m scared.” Taking responsibility for his outburst, admitting his fear. And while he isn’t exactly avoiding attention, he is one of the characters that seems most disparaging of fame. Most explicitly in the dinner scene near the end where he essentially says, “we’re doing this for more than just fame, right? We’re doing it to help people?” He is also visibly more disturbed by Antlers death than him potentially sabotaging their efforts to film. He takes OJ and Em in very easily despite his tinyass apartment. He’s an emotional, fearful guy. But he’s also allowed to be smart, loyal, and ultimately indispensable.

So then you have Jupe. I’ve seen it stated that Jesse Plemons was actually Jordan’s first choice for this role, but had scheduling conflicts. I don’t know at what point in the negotiations it was established he couldn’t participate, but I feel as though this makes a lot of sense when you look at the way Jupe is written and his background. If only because Jordan addresses the role that race plays in all his movies, and yet I feel as though Jupe’s identity as a Korean-American is not addressed as heavily as you’d expect - especially in a story that’s about fame, conformity, fetishisation and the consumption of other people’s trauma and personal lives. There are references, obviously, but it makes a lot of sense if you imagine it was written for a white man.

That being said, I think this works very well in a way that may not have been 100% intentional. For starters, Ricky isn’t even known by his name, he’s goes by the name of his most famous character in an attempt to hold onto the fame he achieved through Kid Sheriff. We know very little about Ricky Park as a person, and it seems as though there is a black hole between Gordy’s Home and Jupiter’s Claim. I’m kind of reminded of Ke Huy Quan and how after Indiana Jones and The Goonies he spent decades largely off-camera (and at one time used a different name because of racism) until Crazy Rich Asians inspired him to return to acting, as he didn’t think there was place for him (I recommend listening to his episode on the podcast Feeling Seen).

When you take into account Jupe’s presence on the sitcom, I know there are American shows like Diff’rent Strokes and Webster which involved white families adopting Black children and that was a key element of the show (I’m English and I’ve never seen those shows come up on British channels let alone watched them, but I looked them both up on Youtube and I noticed the living room in Webster looks very similar to the one in Gordy’s Home). So you have the complexities of that at play. I don’t know enough about this and I don’t think it’s my place to really go into it, but suffice to say you have that as a complex element in Ricky’s background. He’s mostly known for token roles and he’s had to play up to them to stay relevant. A once famous dude having unresolved trauma and a desire for - or need for recognition through - the spotlight which eventually costs him and/or others is not new.

But I think there’s something very different about the way Steven Yeun manifests that, and manages to keep it grounded and even charming. In at least fan reaction to Ricky, it’s a pretty consistent response that we are disgusted by the way he treats the Haywoods and gets everyone at the Star Lasso Experience (including his wife and children) killed and yet we are also fascinated and even endeared to him. He’s not the guy punching holes in the wall, or refusing to open up to his wife, or going around stabbing people to death. He’s an Icarus, and we see his vulnerability. We were under the dinner table with him, we were there when he was alone with his wife, and we were with him as he stared into Jean Jacket and knew he was about to die. This isn’t meant to be a defense of his actions, obviously, just an observation about how he is presented as a man, especially one who literally cosplays as a cowboy (while he feeds the horses of the real cowboys to a flying saucer).

And then finally, you have Antlers. Antlers is the character I feel I least sympathise with and least understand, which is a personal thing (I’ll be interested to see what the Bluray special features affect this actually), but I think is also tied to the fact that he is what you would expect the most, historically, from a film like this. He is an old white guy. He’s sort of the old guard of cinema, and he’s very stoic, selfish, and keeps his cards close to his chest. Not to mention he has such a typically “Western” accent it took all 5 of my watches at the cinema to parse all of his lines. On paper he is the picture of traditional masculinity… except he’s actually not the picture of traditional masculinity. In every scene, he’s either wearing a dress or a skirt of some kind, and the bracelet on his wrist even goes against what you would consider traditional masculine jewellery. If he was a young man, the dress code might almost be read as a piss-take of “quirky” young filmmakers and thereby making a derogatory statement re: AMAB people who wear gender non confirming clothes. But this is a much older man who is clearly making a choice of expression and comfort. It’s not extravagant – in fact on my first watch I didn’t even realise Antlers was wearing a skirt.

All this to say, it’s incredibly interesting to have such diversity in storytelling and representation of gender through it, and that it doesn’t always come down to “there should be more women in this.”

Anyway guys did you notice there’s a big cloud mural on the wall in the Fry’s store? This movie is batshit

#things I banged on about instead of working on my nano #this ended up longer than I intended oh well #at least if no one else reads it I got it out!#Nope 2022 #Nope movie

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jennagrinsoverml · 2 years

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hey, i love ur fic recs! i am wondering, what exactly is ur strategy for finding the fics specific to the pairing/trope that you want to read when ur putting together ur lists? like when u are searching, how do you sort it on ao3 to find what you are looking for in good quality ig? idk if this really makes any sense but when i search for something that i want to read based on how im feeling idk how to start? like should i go by most kudos?? etc. sorry if this makes barely any sense lol

Thanks, anon! 😊😊

Haha, my strategy is a little all over the place? Generally I start with my bookmarks and scan through to see if there's any fics there that fit the parameters of the request. And sometimes as soon as I read the request, a fic will come to mind and I'll go looking for it.

I'll also usually check out my favourite authors to remind myself of what they've written that I haven't bookmarked that might fit, since there are certain authors where pretty much everything they write is gold: @carpisuns, @chatonne-rousse, @coffeebanana, @emsylcatac, @kasienda, @lnc2, @karkalicious769, @ladyofthenoodle, @ominousunflower, @sariahsue, @somethingvaguetodo, @gabriel-agreste-has-no-rights, @thelibraryloser, therealjanebingley, @trashcatontherooftop...to name a few. There are tons of amazing authors in this fandom, those are just some of the ones where I consistently enjoy everything they post! (Or at least what they post for my fandom/ship haha)

Anyway, at that point, depending on how specific the request is, I often take to browsing the tags on AO3. I search within the love square tag with all of my exclusions on, which are based purely on my preferences, notably filtering for polyamory, the Luka and Kagami threesomes and foursomes, as well as MCD and rape/non-con, since I don't want to read those. I also do complete works only since, while I will read and rec WIPs, I don't want to take on a new WIP when I'm looking for recs. I also generally filter out works under 800 words. Nothing against short fics, but there's a lot of them and they tend not to be for me. Plus it catches a lot of the fic finding posts that annoy me. I'll then add in additional tags based on the request, like "soulmates" or an episode title or additional character.

And then I just scroll and read...a lot...

Sometimes as I'm scrolling I'll recognize a fic and then I'll flip to the comments to see if I left a comment, which is the best indicator that I liked a fic and should rec it.

When I find a fic I want to rec, I email it to myself with a line of what rec list it's for. Then, when I'm ready, I compile them all into one of my posts!

I do sometimes sort by kudos, but I'm not a huge fan as the oldest fics in the fandom are the most kudos. And, honestly, there are some very highly kudosed fics that I just don't like. I will sometimes set a minimum kudos threshold, filtering out works with less than 50 or 100 kudos depending on how many works my search is returning (I'm not scrolling through 800+ pages of fic...I think my limit is around 100). But I'm loathe to set it too high since, as I think I've shown with my hidden gems recs, there are some seriously underrated fics in this fandom, and I'm always excited when I can bring attention to a fic that really didn't get the love I think it deserved.

I also don’t finish every fic I start to read. If I see a giant block of text, it’s an instant back button for me. If I start reading and get bored or don’t like the characterizations or really for any reason at all I’m just not enjoying it, I just exit out. Reading fic is supposed to be fun, so if I’m not having fun, I just don’t do it. And again, taste is completely subjective. I’m actually incredibly picky in my reading! I don’t owe it to anyone to read/finish their fic unless, like, I’ve agreed to beta. I have an incredibly demanding job and three young kids. Frankly, my time is too valuable to spend on fics I’m not enjoying. At the end of the day, it’s a hobby. But sometimes, especially with all of the posts floating around demanding engagement, there can be a lot of pressure to continue on. I often have to remind myself that I don’t owe engagement to anyone. I engage with fics because I enjoy doing so. If I’m not having fun, it’s time to stop.

In terms of finding fics to read for you personally, I suggest that you adopt my approach to reading fic in a new fandom. Find an author you like, and go through their bookmarks. When you like a fic, check out the author's works to see if they have more like it. Then check out that author's bookmarks and so on. And feel free to back button when you discover that you and the author have wildly different takes!

And if you're looking for great fics bookmarked by an author with impeccable taste, here's your best jumping off point 😘

When I see it all written out like this, I realize how ridiculous my process probably looks. But I really do enjoy looking for recs! I love to read fic, and the requests help focus my fic reading so I’m not just aimlessly looking for more fic.

#my thoughts #jennarecsml

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crazypenguintacofan · 11 months

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So after letting it shimmer for a while, some reasons why the Ted Lasso finale didn't quite land for me:

- I get what they were trying to do with Roy and I thought the message was beautiful, BUT I feel like they shoud've shown his 'relapse' in a more subtle way. Having him get into a physical fight with Jamie, after all they've grown, didn't feel right to me.

-Also the whole "we're letting YOU choose" thing felt uggggg. I wouldn't mind it if they'd spent a whole episode adressing it, but it was not something to just toss into the finale and run.

-Maybe this is the Keelroy shipper in me, but I feel it's a bit of a waste that they spent 2 seasons developing a relationship that was flawed, yes, but still it was one of the healthiest and most wholesome m/f ships I've seen, and then not give them proper closure. I feel like Roy and Keeley shoud've had at least 1 truly positive and heartfelt scene together in the finale. Even if it were only Roy saying that, after all, he's not ready yet to be in back in a romantic relationship, and they hug it out.

(Honestly, Roy's arc this season shoud've been entirely about accepting that he is enough and that he deserves love and happiness even when he doesn't perform perfectly, and have him spend the final episode basking in that love and happiness. But I would've taken the aforementioned option as well)

- Keeley was barely in the episode, she barely said goodbye to Ted, and she didn't get to voice her own view on her feelings about the bloody love triangle (other than "get out of my house you jackasses"). Overall her arc has had great moments but it has felt all over the place this season.

- Beard and Jane. Enough said.

- It was great seeing Sam playing for Nigeria at the end, but honestly, they shoud've devoted a whole episode to dealing with the aftermath of the attack to his restaurant and closing his storyline with Edwin Akufu.

-I expected a bit more of the Ted-Nate reunion. I understand that after a whole year to process and forgive, Ted wasn't angry anymore, but still. That was one of the most important relationships in the show and deserved more screentime for closure.

-In general, I personally would've liked more Nate. Maybe one last genius strategy for the road.

(As I said before, this shoud've been 2 episodes to fit in proper goodbyes for everyone.)

-Ted should've cried as much as Rebecca in the airport. It would've shown that he's gotten better at accepting and expressing negative emotions. And it just felt wrong to me to see him so dissaffected while Rebecca was going through the 7 stages of grief.

-The reapperance of the Dutch Guy felt a bit tonally off in respect to the rest of the episode. They were going for a subversion of tropes of the genre and a vibe of "real life is not like stories, sometimes the perfect happy ending isn't possible and that's fine" with all the other storylines, and then...then they go and pull off a rom-com deus ex machina, "destiny" or "serendipity" brought them back together, with Rebecca. It felt weird to me (though I never quite warmed up to the Dutch Guy, so I may be biased).

-As sad as it makes me, and as much as I love found families, Ted going back to Kansas to be with Henry made sense. He clearly missed his son, and making a kid leave his school and his friends and all that's familiar when there's another option it's just harsh. HOWEVER they could've shown that Ted was still part of the life of the Richmond crew and viceversa. They could've shown him facetiming with them while they were at Higgins' barbacue, for example.

(I didn't get the vibe that he got back together with Michelle, just that they are co-parenting? But if they'd gotten back together my answer would be NO)

Anyways. It's been a good run. I love this show and overall I've really enjoyed season 3. Headcanons and fix-it fics can deal with the rest.

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso s3 #ted lasso finale #also my mom is gonna be so dissapointed that tedbecca didnt happen

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witchcraftingboop · 1 year

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So, I've been reading A Little Life, and I'm about 400 pages in. First of all, it's not sad in the way people said it would be. It's sad, in my opinion, in how terribly thin the character portrayals are, how absolutely malnourished and cartoonish they seem.

JB, for instance, is just another stereotypical black man, who on the side and sparingly is pointed out to be gay. He's racist, which would be considered original-ish (and really just barely), but it stems from him not feeling "black enough" due to his mother being successful in life. His dad is dead. He was raised by 3 generations of adoring, fan-like women, and he gets addicted to meth really randomly. He is also a blatantly self-centered person who idolizes poverty and lashes out at those he sees as weaker than himself when upset. What are his motivations? His own self-interest, the sources of which are all related back to his "inadequate" blackness, his aversion to being seen as feminine (something Hanya has so far attributed nearly all negative habits/traits to being - feminine/womanly), and his despise of being seen as less than his peers. Very moving.

Malcolm is a terrible caricature of what Hanya imagines a well-off black man might struggle with: sexuality, "inadequate blackness" / biracial image issues, and struggling between hard work and nepotism. All of which are never fully addressed and made into props rather than actual driving forces or influential matters in his life. His only real personality trait seems to be that he's a wealthy follower rather than a leader and has anxiety about making decisions (something that vanishes without a trace when he applies himself as an architect).

Willem feels like two character tropes blindly mushed together: rural farmer wants to be an actor and moves to the big city and somehow-sunny child of neglectful parents. He arguably has the most apparent personality of his little "friend" group, but his social awareness and stubbornness seems to, like Malcolm's indecisiveness and anxiety, vanish without a trace whenever he is confronted by a problem with or involving Jude. The story is about Jude, so the emotional whiplash of seeing Willem go from "fierce, stubborn protector" in one scene to "frozen with fear and cowardice" in all surrounding ones is... well, let's be honest, it's just for the plot. This leaves Willem feeling hollow to me, yet another prop in an underwhelming novel.

Jude himself is an odd mix of "witty and charming" in dialogue and public moments and "paralyzed with fear, cannot so much as talk back to or touch a man, nothing good will ever exist in my life, cannot make eye contact with others, etc etc." and "brutal, terrifying lawyer." It honestly feels like the author hasn't decided which of several mannerisms and personality types to give this guy. He picks up and drops mannerisms in the middle of chapters. He acknowledges the good in his life in one paragraph and then goes on to say nothing good ever happens or will happen for him, as if the author is forcibly trying to cram him back into her ideal "a character who never gets better" goal. And then his legs. His legs are sometimes described as being so full of dead tissue and pus (after a single cut opens out of nowhere) that it bubbles out of his skin. His legs would be amputated, like point blank. And he could afford that but for some reason she chooses instead to have him randomly fixated on plastic surgery for a few chapters only to drop it without ever reflecting on other possible options to better his life. Which, btw, wtf? A character who won't take pain medication or go to therapy because he feels his traumas and scars and wounds are all earned and deserved... wants to get plastic surgery?? Pick. One. Hanya!

That all aside, all of her characters seem to have "womanly" (her word) flaws when it suits the plot. They pick up traits and drop them the moment it no longer fits the chosen narrative, and it's utterly mind boggling to me how so many people claim to adore these characters - even the racist. Hanya's blatant sexism and anti-therapy views aside, her characters just feel like flat paper puppets moving before the fire and casting shadows onto a sheet for an audience. There's no rhyme or reason to their many and varied characteristics beyond her avowed need to write a story about a life that never gets better.

But who knows maybe my opinion will change once I finish the book, though I doubt it.

#a little life #hanya yanagihara #boop's rambles #there's more I dislike and more specific aspects of them all too but my lunch break is ending #do not even get me started on the fuckery that was Hanya's Caleb Stunt #like ma'am ik you're bored that Willem is gone but pls stfu for 5 min and write something believable

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manonblaqkbeak · 3 years

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Sugar, sugar

(genuinely hate coming up with titles lol)

this is just rowaelin being pining idiots, one of my fave tropes for day 11--delayed love confession

just a note, the lifestyle in this fic is more of a background note and doesnt really take centre stage in this fic. it’s one ive been tempted to write for a while tbh but didnt really get around to it until now

cw: very, very light smut (like barely non existent, but just in case), a lil bit of swearing

enjoy! :)

3k words (officially my longest fic, yay!)

Every thought in Aelin's mind was blank. She trudged through her apartment that she shared with Nehemia, absentmindedly kicking off her heels that Rowan purchased for her months ago. Then the light jacket she wore joined the shoes, the fabric was perfectly soft and perfect for the autumn chill.

It was yet another piece of item that Rowan purchased for her. A lot of the things she had know were thanks to Rowan, either from his own wallet or from the biweekly allowance he sent her—a generous allowance that was a thousand times better than her weekly paycheck from the bookstore she'd been working at since she turned twenty-two; her business degree had turned out to be useless and so she turned to the bookstore that had been her stable job for three years.

Aelin barely touched her weekly wage now, it was practically buried underneath the money the Rowan gave her.

Because Rowan Whitethorn, thirty-five and a successful CEO who was well known, was her sugar daddy. Had been now for fourteen months. But he was more than that, more than just a man that paid her to spend time with him. He respected her, was loyal to her, listened to her and responded with actual sentences instead of a word or two like other men she had dated. He was charming, didn't treat her like she was nothing but arm candy, and she knew him so well, as he knew her, and each fortnight she sometimes forgot their whole arrangement, but she was sharply reminded when she received the notification from her bank that the two and a half thousand dollars that Rowan sent her was now in her savings account.

When she agreed to their arrangement after several get-to-know you dates, Rowan had wanted to give her three and a half grand every week, and gods Aelin had been tempted because she had never had so much money in her life, but told him that it was far too much and negotiated.

Two and a half thousand was the lowest that Rowan was willing to go, and even though Aelin only knew him for two weeks at that point, she could tell that he would not budge, so she agreed to the amount.

The first time that money had landed in her account, Aelin had thought that maybe she had imagined the whole thing, but the money was a sharp reminder of what she know was—a sugar baby. Those words still didn't feel like they applied to her.

And he still spent money on her when they spent time together. Just last week he gifted her with diamond earrings in the shapes of roses with a necklace to match. She wore them tonight, not because he bought them for her but because she genuinely loved the pieces.

Needing something sweet—despite the fact she had only finished her chocolate hazelnut gelato twenty minutes ago—she dug through her fridge and found the brownies that Nehemia had baked the other day. She told herself that she would leave some for her long-time friend, but Aelin really doubted that would happen.

Aelin relished in the cold air of the fridge as she found the new can of whipped cream on the top shelf. The fridge was one of the first things she purchased with the money she was now being gifted with (and after that came a new washer and dryer, a dish-washing machine and television. Almost everything in her apartment was brand new now, the food were actual brands instead of the generic, tasteless shit. She had bras that fit her properly and were so damned comfortable that she forgot she was wearing them half the time).

The old fridge was a cheap hunk of junk that she and Nehemia purchased off Facebook marketplace for a hundred dollars, it barely kept things cold, but with expensive rent and bills and general life things, Nehemia and her couldn't afford anything better.

Which was how she ended up in this situation. Picking up more shifts barely gave them anything extra, because the economy right now in Terrasen was shit. Nehemia had made a joke about needing sugar daddies, and Aelin, knowing that Nehemia could never really do such a thing, had decided that maybe it was a good idea.

Nehemia had told Aelin that she was insane for pursuing such a thing, and that she had only been joking, but Aelin was not and that she could handle herself if things went wrong.

Nehemia had told her not to do anything, but Aelin was determined and started her search. It had taken a while to find a website that was genuine and didn't make her feel like she had to scrub her eyes out with bleach.

She created her page in private, because she not only was Nehemia against the idea, but so was Elide and Lysandra—she didn't dare tell Aedion what she was doing. Her cousin could be an overprotective pain in her ass at times, and Aelin was very well aware that if Aedion caught wind of what she was doing, he would have locked her up in her room without any type of device so she couldn't go forward with her plan.

She appreciated their concern, she did, but she was a consenting, tax-paying adult, and if she wanted to use her time to get paid spending time with a rich man, then Aelin was allowed to do exactly that.

It wasn't prostitution, she had looked it up, because it was the sugar babies that had the power and so that was how it went with her and Rowan.

Aelin didn't even have sex with Rowan until it was the sixth month anniversary of her and Rowan's...relationship (and gods, it was the best sex Aelin ever had. Rowan was a generous and completely unselfish lover).

He was the first one she came across on the site and almost drooled down herself when she saw his picture. Silver hair, pine-green eyes, a beautiful tattoo down the length of his left arm and tanned skin, he was stupidly attractive and only ten years old than her.

Aelin messaged him first only after being on the site for ten minutes, deciding that surely he was the best one and that she needn't bother to look at any other candidates.

They hit it off straight away, and after deciding on a restaurant to meet at, Aelin had informed Nehemia of the matter, which she was promptly met with question after question: why can't a thirty-four year old man find someone his own age? Is he one of those men that can't date a woman five minutes older than him because of some stupid made up reason? How do you know for certain that it's him in the picture? What if he's cat-fishing you? What if he's a freak, or a killer? What if he's just pretending to be rich to kidnap you? What if, what if, what if?

And so after a heated discussion, Nehemia had come along on her date-that-wasn't-really-a-date and sat a few tables away from her and Rowan, watching them—especially him—the entire time like a hawk.

Aelin had completely forgotten that her friend was there, so enraptured by Rowan and what he did and how he saw life.

It had been fourteen months of seeing Rowan and genuinely enjoying spending time with him and weeks ago, she realised that she wanted it to be something more. That she had come to care for him, not because of the money, but purely because it was Rowan and he made her feel seen and he wasn't afraid of her, because she had once been told by an ex that she could be too much and that he couldn't handle all her baggage.

Aelin wanted a life with him.

So Aelin told Rowan she loved him when he dropped her off tonight after their dinner and a movie date, telling him how she felt, and he had said thank you. He gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and went home, leaving behind the pine-and-snow scent of him.

Aelin really wanted to find a hole to crawl into and die.

She was scarfing down her third brownie when Nehemia's bedroom door opened, her friend clad in an old matching pj set, her slippers shuffling across the tile.

“What happened? Are you okay?” her friend asked upon seeing Aelin's guttered look. Her dark brows furrowed. “Did that bastard hurt you? If he did, I'll—”

“He didn't do anything,” Aelin interrupted her friend. Taking the food, Aelin planted herself on the teal blue velvet sofa Rowan gave her for Yulemas last year, ignoring the scent of not just him, but of them both from when he came over after work just the other day with pizza and a DVD that she insisted that she watched because it was too good not to, when they forgot all about the movie as Rowan buried himself inside her, leaving hickeys all over her neck that she had to cover up with thick concealer.

Nehemia joined her on the couch, her friend momentarily forgetting for now that she had walked in on her and Rowan just moments after they finished, muttering under her breath in Eyllwe as she glared at them defiling the couch, and gave her a look that Aelin knew that Nehemia would listen to every word that came out from her.

And when Aelin was done recounting the story, all Nehemia could come up with was, “Oh.”

“Yes, 'oh,'. I've probably fucked up the whole thing. So don't be surprised if I call you on your lunch break tomorrow telling you he's broken things off.”

“Aelin, I don't think he will. I know that I'm not the biggest fan of your...situation—”

“I'm aware,” Aelin said, cutting her friend off. “You still won't let me buy you a new mattress, even though yours is hard as a brick and lumpy as hell. I've told you that you can pay me—”

“Aelin,” Nehemia said, “we're not talking about mattresses right now. As I was saying, I doubt he'll break things off because I've seen the way he looks at you. I still think he's too old for you, but he cares for you. You probably just caught him by surprise.”

“How does he look at me?” Aelin was observant, but sometimes when she was with Rowan, all her observation skills went out the window.

“Like he loves you,” Nehemia said, no hint of doubt in her voice.

Aelin sighed, her feelings slowly starting to crush her. “I guess I'll just have to take your word for it.”

Sighing once more, Aelin put the food back in the fridge, showered and went to bed, forgoing her usual night texting ritual with Rowan.

She really wasn't looking forward to tomorrow.

X X X X X X

Rowan couldn't concentrate, which wasn't a good thing, since his job dealt with having to concentrate all the time. But no matter what mind-focusing techniques he did, he couldn't stop thinking about Aelin.

Couldn't stop thinking about how she said she was in love with him. How her beautiful eyes had been sparkling when she said those words to him. And how the light in them dimmed when he said thank you and kissed her on the cheek, telling her that he would talk to her later. But he hadn't texted her, nor did she.

I love you, Rowan. I'm in love with you.

Thank you. He really couldn't believe that was what he said. Felt like an utter fool and a bastard as he realised he probably crushed her heart. Aelin didn't like being vulnerable, and she had been when she said those words and he had gone and fucked it all up.

Rowan loved Aelin, he did, but he truly wasn't prepared for those words. He loved how on the weekends they would be up at one am, baking chocolate goodies, dancing in the quiet kitchen, humming quietly to Aelin's classical music playlist, with her wearing not the nightgowns that he loved, but one of his old hoodies.

He didn't think that he would get along with her so well once they met, thinking that their online interactions were nothing but a fluke. He was moments away from deleting the profile because he didn't actually create it, but Fenrys had, his friend grumbling that he needed a girlfriend, with Rowan arguing that creating a profile on a sugar daddy site was not dating but probably the opposite, when Aelin messaged him.

His life-long friend didn't listen, much to Rowan's annoyance—but he didn't grab his phone out of his friends hand; Rowan blamed it on the several whiskys he had downed by that point.

Aelin bewitched him on that first meet up. She was intelligent as hell and funny, and creative and beautiful. He was aware of why she was on the date with him, but he didn't care, just as long as he got to see her again.

Fourteen months later and Rowan was still bewitched. He wanted to be with her on a permanent basis, but wasn't completely sure how to take that step.

Clearly, Aelin had taken that step for them, and Rowan was the worlds biggest moron.

I love you, Rowan. I'm in love with you.

Thank you.

Groaning, Rowan turned away from his computer and looked at the skyline, ignoring the buildings to instead watch the puffy clouds drift by.

Aelin loved watching the clouds, loved stargazing, loved questioning about the universe and what the skies held.

He never really paid any of that stuff attention, not until he met her.

Rowan didn't want to lose her, didn't want her to think that he was about to break up with her over this. He had to see her, so he grabbed his keys and wallet, told his secretary to hold his calls for the rest of the day, and went to visit Aelin.

X X X X X X

It had been an usually busy day for a Wednesday and Aelin was glad for her lunch break as she trudged up to the roof of the shopping centre. She wasn't really allowed up here, but she wanted some fresh air and to feel the sun against her skin as she sat down and dug into her lunch—fast food, unfortunately for her, because she was so frazzled from last night that she completely forgot about making a pack lunch.

Rowan hadn't called her, or texted her. Not even an email had been sent her way.

Aelin hated that she felt so damned mopey. She was an independent woman, but gods, even a good morning text would have been fine.

She finished her lunch, popping several mints into her mouth to get rid of the onion taste, when the roof door crashed open and a familiar hulking figure came into view.

He must have spoken to Elide to find her here.

Aelin's brow furrowed. “Rowan, what are you doing here?” Oh gods, surely he wasn't going to break up with her, she still had hours to go; there'd be no way she could work if she had tears in her eyes.

Taking her hands in his, Aelin stood up. She steeled herself against whatever he was going to say.

“I love you, Aelin. I'm in love with you, too,” Rowan said, his eyes soft and full of genuine love. Aelin's heart shot up into her throat. “I want a life with you. I want us to buy a home, one that has warmth and character, and a big garden. I want a dog. And kids too, if you want, I know that you've never mentioned it, but if you don't want any then that is completely fine. I want to support you in whatever endeavors you want to take, and if you ever want to go back to university, then I'll support you, or if you want to find a way to use your business degree, I'll help you with that, too. Whatever you want Aelin, I'll give it to you, as long as you're by my side, I'll be happy.”

Aelin was silent for so long that Rowan thought that maybe he shocked her into silence. But eventually, she smiled, one that was dazzling in its beauty that it took his breath away.

“You love me?”

“I do, Aelin, I love you.”

She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

Rowan groaned at the amusement in her tone, in her eyes. “You're never going to let me live that down, are you?”

She smirked. “Definitely not. It'll be a nice story to tell our children...one day. For now, I think we should contend with being proper significant others.”

Rowan nodded, smiling. “I like the sound of that.”

“Good, because I need to get back to work, since I'm no longer accepting your allowances. I won't deny the use of your credit card, but other than that, you are no longer my sugar daddy.”

It was Rowan's turned to smirk, and it was the one that made her core clench. “How about I be 'daddy' instead?”

Aelin snorted, even as she clenched around nothing again. Smacking his arm lightly, Aelin kissed him. “Only if you behave,” she said against his lips, “and now I really need to go back to work.”

Rowan walked her back, their fingers laced together, and as she turned to say goodbye, Aelin said, “I'll see you later, daddy.”

Rowan groaned, and it took everything in him not to take her hand and into his car to have his wicked way with her.

By the time he thought of a response, Aelin was already back to work, helping a customer with an impressive stack of books in her arms.

But she knew he was still there, because the way she swayed her hips to the counter was all for him, and when she saw him watching her, Aelin winked, making Rowan's heart flutter in his chest.

He really did love her. And he would live with her teasing him for the rest of his life, just as long as she was with him.

#rowaelin #rowaelinmonth #my work

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belfrygargoyles · 3 years

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*whispers* I would like to hear what you have to say on reader inserts in the SW fandom because I too have a problem with them and I feel like not enough people are calling it out 👉👈

I’ve made a few posts about it in the past but I think it’s high time I actually Do This and really get into it.

Before I start: 1) This will be in specific reference to fanfiction written for the Star Wars fandom, particularly tcw and the mandalorian eras, 2) A lot of the issues come down to racist fetishization of men of color by white women; I am white, so there is much that is simply not my place to make statements on. What I can speak most on is my take from the gender side of things.

I’d honestly recommend reading this post by @nibeul with addition by @clonehub first, as they discuss the core issue with reader inserts in the Star Wars fandom.

And 3) some of this will involve discussion of sexual acts (as they relate to fanfiction) and sexual fantasies. These discussions will be non-explicit, and no pornographic text or content will be displayed.

Also. I’m GNC and nonbinary. I’m also a very feminine looking person that falls under the generalization of “small and petite.” I don’t have dysphoria, I like my body and the traits I have, and treating them like inherently female sends me into a blind fury. This is, unfortunately, important.

For the sake of making sure I come across as clearly as possible, I will be writing as though the reader of this post has never read or is broadly unfamiliar with reader-insert fanfiction.

Without further ado.

Hey, Star Wars reader insert fic writers? Please get your shit together.

INTRODUCTION

I’ve been reading reader-insert fanfiction since I was a grade schooler waking up early to check Quizilla. I love it! It got me into fandom, kept me engaged, helped me make and develop some of my oldest OCs, and it’s just fun to read and write- it’s like a self-indulgent little gift you can give to a bunch of people all at once. Because who doesn’t like the idea of starring in their own little adventure, usually alongside some of their favorite characters? It can be fun, immersive, get you attached in ways other ways of fandom interaction may not, make you feel just a little bit special, or be a way to express some feelings you might have about canon and the way the story went.

Like any form of fiction, it ends up saying more about the author’s feelings than anything else, whether the author realizes it or not. For many, many authors of reader-insert fanfiction, the primary enjoyment comes from writing “themselves” into the story- before the readers, the author most often makes the “reader character” someone they, themselves, can relate to and substitute for themselves. They write to live out a self-indulgent fantasy they have, and their readers can come along for the ride.

Some writers do actually try to write as diverse or as vague of a reader character as possible- as few details about the body, identity, etc. as possible so anyone could superimpose their image without the narrative directly contradicting it. This is not the kind of reader insert author I will be discussing.

The kind of author I will be discussing is the one most common in the Star Wars tag on Ao3: White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women who assume all of their readers are also White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women. Yes, you can tell.

ISSUE: fetishization of men of color

Again, this post puts it in the best words, but there is a rampant problem with Star Wars reader-inserts, particularly those involving the clones, Boba Fett, and Din Djarin, fetishizing characters played by men of color as either “physically aggressive and threatening, hypersexual and dominant, big strong men who are scary because they do violence and fuck constantly when they’re not” or “completely inexperienced baby who doesn’t know anything about things and needs a gentle nurturing guiding touch to introduce him to the mere idea of a vagina.” The former is common across all of them, the latter most common among clone trooper fics or Din/Reader.

I went into the Boba Fett/Reader tag on Ao3, because I like him and hoped to find something alright. Here are some stats I tallied up (give or take some) based solely on tags, summaries, and warnings:

There are 284 works in the Boba Fett/Reader category as of the time of this post.

198/284 are rated E for explicit sexual content. 69.7% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are sexually explicit.

259/284 are in the F/M category. 91.2% of all Boba Fett/Reader works involve an explicitly female or AFAB reader.

24/284 are tagged with or mention “Age difference,” “Older man/Younger woman,” “Innocence kink” or “Virginity kink.” 8.4% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are written explicitly with an age gap, with Boba Fett as the older party

26/198 E rated fics are tagged with or make reference to “Daddy kink” or involve the reader being called some variation of “little girl” by Boba. 13% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader are daddy kink fics, or allude to Boba Fett being a daddy dom/sugar daddy.

102/198 E rated fics are tagged as, make reference to, or suggest in the summary that Boba Fett takes a dominant sexual role with a submissive reader involving rough or painful play, or make reference to Boba Fett being frightening, physically intimidating, having a power dynamic over the reader, or being possessive or violent. 51.51% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader portray Boba Fett as sexually dominant and/or enacting use of physical force or pain play.

Just using this as an example, because it’s the easiest stats I can gather and also what made me realize there was a pattern.

The problem isn’t even necessarily that people write explicit fic about Boba- it’s that 1) over half of all fics in the category are explicitly pornographic, and 2) the way those pornographic fics are written. The two things compound on each other. They’re dominance fantasies projected onto a character of color in which he becomes extremely sexual, physically rough with the reader, possessive, and demeaning towards a reader character who is always written as White, AFAB, and petite.

This brings me to the next issue.

ISSUE: The way sexual relationships are portrayed.

Let me clarify so there is no chance of me being misunderstood: sex is good. Liking and wanting and enjoying sex isn’t bad. It is not bad if you are AFAB and have submissive fantasies. It is not bad to be sexually attracted to a man of color. You can write about sex even if you haven’t had it. Writing about sex can be a good way to express some more complicated feelings you could have about certain things. It doesn’t even have to be realistic. It has its time and it has its place.

This being said.

Sexual relationships as they are portrayed in the vast majority of E-rated Star Wars reader inserts are… not great.

The reader is always AFAB. I can think of maybe one fic off the top of my head where an AFAB reader was written with they/them pronouns and not just she/her.

The reader is almost always submissive, the dominant character is almost always portrayed as cis male. Even when the characters are supposed to just be having spontaneous casual sex, D/S or BDSM aspects will be introduced with no prior discussion or talks about it afterwards. Sometimes characters will start using dirty talk and it just does not fit at all, but it’s what the author thought was hot.

Sometimes, it just reads like a quick smutty oneshot. More often than that, it reads like the author doesn’t realize that sex… isn’t always a dom/sub thing. Or that someone can take the lead in sex and that doesn’t automatically make them a dom.

It’s not bad to be inexperienced. It’s not bad to have preferences or kinks or specific turn-ons.

But it gets… tiring to read, over and over and over and over, because that’s all there is.

That and… I dunno, it just has me a little worried? It doesn’t make me feel good knowing so many people can only portray a sexual relationship if it’s dom/sub. I don’t know why it makes me so uneasy.

Vanilla sex isn’t a bad thing I promise. It's this feeling of insistence that something "spicy" absolutely has to happen for it to be worth writing that gives... some weird vibes.

I’m going to move on to the next Big-

ISSUE: Every “reader” character is exactly the same

By which I mean the following:

Always cis AFAB female

If a character is written with gender neutral pronouns they will always be AFAB and written like Girl Lite

I have never seen an explicitly stated nonbinary/gnc reader character unless it was a request specifically for a nonbinary reader

I have never seen a gender neutral reader insert fic where the reader was AMAB

I have seen a grand total of 1 cis male reader fic and 1 trans male reader fic. The trans male reader fic was about dysphoria.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following backstories: slave/runaway, mechanic, medic, ex-Rebel, secret Jedi, bounty hunter.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following personality traits: throws knives, babysitter, completely civilian, WOMAN, says curse words.

The reader is never written with any narrative agency- things only ever happen to the reader character or around the reader character, they are never written to take charge and actually affect things on their own. Essentially the sexy lamp trope.

Remember when I said the majority of people writing Star Wars reader-insert fanfic on Ao3 were White, cisgender AFAB women who are gender-conforming and able-bodied? This is how you can tell.

It’s at this point where you can tell they’re really not meant to be reader-inserts, but author-inserts with the names removed- they were only meant for a very narrow selection of readers.

I’m nonbinary, I’m gnc, and I’m a very feminine looking person, generally speaking. I’m used to people looking at me and assuming oh, girl. I’m at peace with that.

I can barely stand reading some of these fics just because of how much the author emphasizes that the reader is FEMALE shes a WOMAN with BOOBS and a VAGINA and FEMININE WILES. There’s barely ever even a chance to give myself room to mentally vault over all the “she”s and “her”s because then I’m getting hit with Din or someone calling the reader “girl” or “the woman.” It’s unbearable, and I even fall into the general description every fucking fic author uses for their generic protagonist!

Even with the “gender-neutral reader” fics, it is just. Painfully clear that they just wrote a female character and changed the pronouns- no, there is no such thing as “male behavior” or “female behavior,” and I quite heartily rebel against the concept of gender essentialism. And honestly, I can barely even begin piecing together how I know it and what it feels like, because it’s just one of those vague conglomerates of cues and writing patterns I can’t consciously pick up on but I know it’s there- it’s frustrating, it’s demeaning, and it feels like you’d have to threaten these authors at gunpoint to get them to write a reader character who was any major deviation from the same three cutouts they use every time.

It seems like they can’t possibly force themselves to write a reader character who isn’t meek and submissive or has the sole personality traits of “mean and can hit things”- you can actually strike a balance between “absolutely no personality” and “fleshed out oc” you know? And you don’t actually have to tell the reader what their hair looks like or how full their figure is

It’s like 2:20 AM and I started this at like 8something PM but.

I’m someone who loves reader-inserts. I enjoy them. I still check for new ones regularly. I’ve been reading them for well over half my life now.

So many of these authors are just locked in on exactly one way to write things and it fucking shows. It’s like a self-feeding loop, they just keep writing the same things and the same dynamics because they see each other doing it and they never think about taking a step back.

It’s… exhausting. I’m exhausted. If you’re a reader-insert fic writer and you want to improve your reader character inclusivity and have also read this far, you can DM me or shoot me an ask.

#star wars #x reader #star wars x reader #star wars reader insert #maintagging because for once i actually want ppl to see this #i hope my points are made clearly enough #if something needs clarification you can shoot me a DM or an ask

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