#so yeah this is just nice to hear<3

[carpisuns]

i love your art! it always brings a smile to my face <3

oh this is so kind 🥺🥺🥺 thank you so much!!

#this was so nice bc I have been really struggling with my art lately #and it’s been hard to make things turn out the way I want and I keep getting frustrated and not liking it #so yeah this is just nice to hear<3 #also it’s just. idk when people say this to me I’m like ??? really ?? 🥺 #cause there are so many really cool art styles/artists out there and my stuff to me is not very standout #I mean I have a good time making things and I’m glad other people like the things I make #I just assume it’s like ‘oh yay my blorbo!!’ rather than like my style specifically haha #which is fine!! like obviously I love my blorbos and I get excited seeing them djdjdj #and I don’t necessarily feel *bad* about having an art style that is less flavorful than others #I like my style (usually haha) #but still it just makes me like !! when someone like my art specifically idk! #it feels special to me #like if the style is nothing to write home about and some people still write home about it djjdd im jusf<3 Aw thanks for including me. #thanks for thinking of me #it’s meaningful to me to know I hold space in people’s thoughts #anyway I’m glad I could make u smile anon 🥺 this made ME smile #and sorry for the uncomfortable tag rambling I’ve been weirdly emotional the past few days most like due to shark week #werewolf time if you will #lmao #anon #ask #nice things

[barghest-land]

drew arthur with a little friend. they're talking about life and death

#rdr2 #rdr2 fanart #barghestland #arthur morgan #art #artists on tumblr #this week life was so fucking horrible i'm on the edge of having a little breakdown #and when im sad and stressed and done with life i just draw arthur #cuz his depressed ass would understand #u know.. yeah :( #i hope whoever reads it is having a better time #if u want u can tell me smth nice in tags or anywhere really<3 #like tell me silly names of ur pets or facts about ur favorite bugs #i'd be happy to hear that

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).

#storyrambles #it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance. #this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun #flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun #but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean #‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid #I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no. #‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask. #‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours. #‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works. #sorry for the rant im just. tired. #you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard #and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves? #yeah. that’s this friend here. #usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit #and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them #I am not going to play along. #UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’ #I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me #it’s uncomfortable. #also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID #will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I? #(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.) #I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day. #‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’ #first of all. that’s different? #secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves #also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so. #ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible. #but UGHHHHHH

[concert-bflat]

Thinks about how. Gloreth only starts looking at Nimona differently/strangely when her parents call her a "monster". Just throws that label with such a negative connotation on her. Gloreth fucking fights for Nimona immediately in the beginning saying that she's her friend and never once looks at her with ridicule until her mom just holds her by the shoulders and tells her she's a monster, straight in the eye, straight in the face. And just the word is enough to cause the change.

Nimona's getting fucking attacked and prodded and Gloreth doesn't even feel sorry for her just because she's now re-contextualizing everything around her but with that word. I'm so sick. She looks not in hesitance but at disbelief before she runs away. She sees Nimona trying to defend herself from literal Danger in any way she can (she's just a kid and she's fighting with people who won't listen, never will, people that she can't get through) but just sees that as more proof of her being violent, monstrous. She sees her friend all alone, with the odds and the world stacked against her despite them being. so similar but just tells her to go back to the shadows.

And like. Of course she believes those words calling Nimona a monster and takes them to heart. Her parents, the ones she would probably trust most are the ones that told her that. And she's young, she doesn't know much about the world or much better. And of course, her parents and the whole village don't know any better. They didn't see what she saw. They don't know or feel the need to know much more than the definition of the word "monster". But it hurts. God it hurts. It's wrong. It's not fair. It's really not fair.

And it causes this whole legend that will stay with Nimona to ridicule her for generations and generations and birth this system that she's trapped by and causes everyone to be so brainwashed. The one that makes people scared and build walls. That births unecessary distrust.

God. Even in the scroll illustrating Nimona and Gloreth, Nimona is portrayed as such a bigger and scarier threat than she ever could be or would be, until Nimona internalized and gave into those images and despair of course. It's not fucking fair.

Thinking about how when the villagers saw Nimona as a "normal" person they were happy for her just living her life and playing with her friend, she was just another kid being happy like she and every ("normal", apparently) person deserves to be, and they were allowing her to be happy then when they find out what she really is they hate her. They call her a monster and drive her out immediately. They don't look into the details that contradict the stigma, they just feel betrayal when they weren't even the ones who were betrayed (Nimona couldn't fucking help being who or what she was. And she was her own person. She was still. A someone. Why do things have to be different now?). I'm so sickkk.

Thinks about how Nimona feels so hopeless as to just. Accept and yield to that label. That label that was passed down to Gloreth. To the whole world. Such simple but awful words. Aughhhhhhhhhhh

Another post I saw talks about how this is a movie about how hate is taught. And oh my god it is. Hate it taught. It's done so simply yet so, painfully effectively. So devastatingly. And that hate teaches people to hate the world back. God I fucking loooove this movie

Also Nimona's such a Creature /pos /affectionate she's so relatable I fucking love her and I'm insane okay that's the post bye

#nimona #nimona movie #nimona gloreth #this is all to jsut say the trans allegory is INSANEEEHAUEORBHAEOH it. touched me. #watched this movie with some irls after never hearing of it befroe in my LIFE and. as a person who had. a very miserable june at home #and is still having kind of a miserable time at home #this movie made me feel. very accepted and loved :) #lmao at one of the emotional points with nimona one of my irls like dragged me in for a hug #because i was laugh-sobbing very loudly because being dramatic is fun LMAO exagerrated reaction y'know #and they said it's because they couldn't tell if i was actually crying or not #and while i don't think i was in that moment #i think i was genuinely crying at some point #not in an obvious way. just slight tears. and not the laughing kind #and it was great. what a great movie <3333 #the fact these themes are also. extremely prevalent in another piece of media im currently hyperfixated on is sooo unfair you can't do that #also unrelated but i love how casually ballister and ambrosius' relationship is portrayed #it's so nice to see it just. be there. and be wonderful #all in all yeah great movie i am now sick for life <3 #also i spent this whoel post misspelling “nimona” as “nimora” i'm :skull: good thing i reread and edit before posting

[shitpostingkats]

Hi yes I need you to know that your analysis on Jaden and Yusei (June 16, 2022, idk if you’ve done multiple on them but that’s the one I’m talking about) is the realest thing I have EVER read and you’re so right and you should say it MUCH louder that is the greatest take op it’s amazing and I’m screaming /pos

Jaden is my favorite character like,,,, ever, and you have nailed him I’m going bonkers

Another thing, I love your Groupchat AU but you have made me become aware that there is???? Another???? YGO show????? I was like who on God’s Green Earth is Yudias and then Google attacked me with information. I still remember. When Vrains was new. To me Vrains is still new. It came out 6 years ago. I feel old. I am not okay. I have yet to acknowledge the existence of Sevens and will continue to do so with Go Rush. Oh I got off-topic, whoops-

Anyways, love your Groupchat AU but I saw the one part with the Eldritch language that Jaden and Yuya are both fluent in and I humbly request more of their dynamic???

I had an epiphany last night, they’re so similar I’m actually losing my mind. All I can think about is that one audio of Batman and that girl on the swings and it’s like “They got their weapon, I got cheated out of my childhood” “I know what that’s like.” “You do don’t you?” Tell me that’s not them I am dying /pos

Much love <3

Oh my gosh, thank you! <3

Jaden and Yusei, my beloved blorbit. The painfully monstrous and the painfully human. The narrative foils of all time. Jaden Yuki, the creatchur autism boi of all time. <3 I need to write about them more.

I know what you mean about the new shows. I'm still a ways off from watching them, but I still want to remember they exist but keep forgetting. What do you means vrains is six years old??? (<- was not even a yugioh fan when vrains was airing) You're telling me there's probably going to be new one after that??? That the days start coming and they don't stop coming?????

Shoutouts to the sevens and go rush fans. They are the mightiest of soldiers. I know nothing about their shows but I'm hesitantly penciling them into the groupchat au anyways because I have seen maybe three clips but I know this funny little alien guy is near and dear to my heart.

Obviously there's a bit of a shift between Vrains and the Sevens era, being made for new audiences, a little tone shifting (which we LOVE, because any franchise that stays the same forever is no bueno.) and that makes it easy to group the first six shows into one group. But I also think there's a fascinating dialogue between shows 1-3 and shows 4-6. I didn't realize it until I was a good way into Arc-V, but each of the second trilogy protagonists sorta reflects the first three.

With Yuma and Yugi, it's very purposeful, a stated "return to form" with the chipper kid and his ghost companion who lives in his special necklace. And when I was gushing over Yusei in 5Ds, I got a lot of people saying "Man, you're going to love Yusaku." They're both the rbf hacker protags who fight the government. Lots to love.

But Jaden and Yuya????? Did not imagine I would come out of Arc-V going "omg they're foils. They're the same story through a different lens. They need to TALK to eachother and bond over their shared experiences."

Even leaving out my pet theory of "Zarc Was An Incarnation Of Jaden In The Original Timeline", they're just so. *clenches fist* The childhood trauma of being a weird kids and masking with an overly bubbly personality only to learn the great anger they've been trying to hide is powerful enough to rip apart reality and they're secretly harbingers of destruction.

By the end of GX, I think Jaden has wonderfully come to term with that. By the end of Arc-V, I think Yuya hasn't.

Their dynamic in the gc AU is very much to me Yuya is still struggling with Z-arc stuff, but not saying anything about it because that'd be weird, so he just kinda frets about it until he hits a breaking point and Jaden gets to offer his advice on dealing with all this.

I am so interested in exploring this that it actually got me started writing fic again,,, which I haven't done in like a year, so wish me luck. I'll keep y'all updated :)

Angst aside, they're also just. One braincell between them. Theatre kid and guy who has never once acted natural in his entire life. Kid making a scene at a Waffle House while his friend slowly eats the entire menu and offers suggestions. Jaden is a pokemon fan and Yuya is a kingdom hearts girlie, I've decided this, and they takes turns infodumping to each other. Jaden summons duel spirits so Yuya can ride around on Hiphippo even when he's not dueling. They trade funny things they've heard their dragons say. They're eldritch and inhuman and best friends, your honor.

#I know this is long #otherwise I would have started rambling on my 'Zarc was an incarnation of Jaden' theory #but yeah. <3 I care them. #thank you so much for sending in such a lovely ask #I love hearing from people just as yugioh brainwormed as I and yall are so nice #asks #answered asks #yugioh #ygo #yugioh gx #yugioh 5ds #yugioh arc v #ygo gx #ygo arc v #jaden yuki #yusei fudo #yuya sakaki

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

man, your art is always so shaped. *eats it*

you drew human wally so adorable!!

ALSO

i LOVE reading tags on your art. so many thoughts i simply MUST imbibe. thank you

slowly (and Emotionally) breakdancing in my room over this ask <3<3<3

#thank you i hope it tastes good & thank you i tried & thank you i love to talk. in conclusion: tysm #im happy to hear that at least one person gets a kick out of my tag ramblings!!! #thats what its about babey!!!! #i hope to continue to supply Thoughts to be Absorbed #in fact i just queued a very rambly theory post for later today. so. yeah! #rambles from the bog #i truly believe that the best compliment an artist can receive is some variation of 'eats your art' #like Hell Yeah! Feast! ive Peaked! thank you!!! #lots of thank yous on this post.... well deserved ones tho <3 i appreciate You <3 #i may be a little tired. its... oh shit its 5 am ok yeah im posting this and then sleeping #gn i hope you have a nice day dude #same goes to anyone reading this

[catastrxblues]

hi so i just finished bridge to terabithia and now i’m unwell and my eyes are red because i’ve been crying before i’d even reached 20 minutes of it for i actually knew what was going to happen and by the time i reached an hour something something i just straight up sobbing screaming into my pillow. and now it’s 12 am and i’m still thinking about them. because god, look at them, how they were, the little world they lived in, wouldn’t you just love that, to run away, to escape, to grasp that childhood naivety and innocence that you lost a long time ago, to feel the sun in your skin and the air in your lungs and to paint fantasies and laugh and play and run hidden away from the world and find an old run down tree house and decided to make it your own little shelter and pin up canvases on the worn wood and paint and let your creativity goes wild and have someone understand you and gets you and do it with you, and wouldn’t you just love to have something so constant, so sincere, so genuine, so pure, so real, that there wasn’t anything else. if i knew i was going to cry this much, if i knew how much space this movie would make in my life, i wouldn’t have started this movie tonight. i would have been in peace on the floor of my room, not realizing how badly i actually want something like this even though i would never unironically admit this to anyone in my life or even myself when i’m outside of the familiar place of my mind, for that matters

#bridge to terabithia #how am i supposed to recover #i wasn’t planning to write a paragraph about it but yeah i kinda love this movie i guess #i needed a good cry and the universe didn’t stop me from choosing this movie i don’t know if that’s nice or simply mean #i was going to watch la la land after this but that’s not gonna happen now #i’m not reading back what i wrote otherwise i would just delete it because i’d think this movie deserves better more coherent thoughts #and i’d say that i’d just rewrite it tomorrow but then i wouldn’t #because nothing would ever beat the “everything i create has to be great or nothing” in me #and i never am proud of what i made unless it’s supposedly only for my viewing #so i actually don’t know if what i just wrote make sense but yeah #my eyes feel so weird right now #also the ending was definitely up to interpretations!! (spoiler alert* just in case) #i myself personally like to believe he dreamed up the last 30 minutes of it and didn’t even go to the museum #and so he’ll just wake up definitely shocked but then still find leslie in her house who was just about to meet him so they could go!! #and because the rope was cut off by the lightning from last night they decide to build the bridge so everyone could cross safe and sound!! #i like my ending better they really should change it #but no all and all the end was really beautiful #even though it took me maybe even an hour to get through it because i keep sobbing and have to repeat over and over to hear what they said #yeah okay anyways sorry for the rant<3 #i’m not sure what this is #but glad i could get it off my chest #let’s see how to tag how to tag #movies #just #childhood #whatever <3 #nadirants

[dandyshucks]

SORRY IF THIS IS OUT OF NOWHERE BUT I listened to A Hundred Million Suns like you recc’ed in my tags a bit ago, and u we’re right it does have good songs :D but WHY IS THE LIGHTNING STRIKE 14 MINUTES 💀 anyways I wanted to let u know I listened to it and liked ur recommendation so ty :3

- @sheepie-self-ships 🦇

YAYYY it's one of my fav albums from when I was in highschool :D !!! (tourist history by two door cinema club is another good one that I've been relistening to LOL)

SBDHDJL FOR REAL THAT ONE SONG IS SO LONG, i wish they'd split it up into its three separate-ish parts because it was rough using a CD player to skip to certain parts dhdjdkl, but tbh the only part i usually listen to nowadays is this first part ⤵️

(linking it for anyone who is curious) it feels like the sort of song where u lay in the dark and stare at the ceiling while listening fhdhdkl

THANK U FOR LETTING ME KNOW U ENJOYED IT I'm so glad :] YIPPEE !!!

#im always scared of recommending things or just in general saying stuff to ppl so DBDHDJL #its always nice to hear back from ppl in a positive way (which is pretty much always when i do interact/recommend LOL idk why im so scared) #but YEAH this is rly nice thank u !! im so glad u enjoyed :3 #also that album has the line ''cool your beans my son'' somewhere in it which never fails to make me laugh a little DJDKSL #asked and answered #dandy.cmd

[fitzselfships]

Again, not self ship related but I'm posting it here so the person I'm talking about won't see it. Anyway I am thinking about my crush so much right now GOD I remember now how painful it is to have a crush </3

#like they're so nice and understanding to me #they're genuinely interested in hearing what i have to say #and I like listening to them talk #I just. wish I wasn't so awkward so we could have longer conversations because like. I could listen to them talk all day <3 #< part of me ebing so awkward is because I'm still recovering from A LOT of trauma stuff but they definitely inspire me to get better #but yeah sometimes I like I WANT TO TELL THEM HOW I FEEL SOO BAD #like right now I'm feeling that #but also. idk if they'd think it's weird #and idk if they feel as close to me as I feel to them #AND I care about them too much to risk ruining our friendship #curse my demiromantic ass for making me fall inlove with people I feel close to and puttung me through this again </3 #okay goodnight I'm going to go listen to jenny by studio killers and cry like i used to in middle school lol

[moinsbienquekaworu]

I'm sorry I'm going to be insane for a second, avert your eyes

#i will mention i'm aroace and combined with this kind of like. moe-ness i exude apparently? #will lead people to immediately think i'm so pure and cutie pie and shy and uwu adorable #and of course people never know what aromanticism is but even after an explanation they just think it's an extension of my asexuality #bitch no it isn't. they're two separate things and i am going to killl you with psychic lasers #i swear to go they hear aroace and suddenly all the contrastic aspects of my personality disappear #some people will forget that i get loud and enthusiastic about men i think are hot #suddenly i am a meek angel who's soo cute and pure! #and i can mention how much i know about & like sex in theory and kink and romance #and every time it's 'that's funny cause you're asexual' 'you're aroace but your special interest is sex what a contrast' like argh #i need aro friends!!!! more!!!!!!!! #sure i like being cute but if people could stop equating that to being a pure angel it'd be nice #like. i'm into the theoretical side of sex! i like reading about kink! in sexy AND educational ways!! #i know what sex is and i have been the friend who does specific sex ed to others a few times! #but nooo she's kind of small feminine a little shy at times and asexual so surely the millions of words of sex & sex ed don't exist anymore #vagueing people i live with <3 #and i've corrected the specific person i'm thinking of!! i have!! #i've told them 'oh yeah it's a fun contrast but it IS a genuine interest of mine that i've put a fair amount of time into over the years' #and they just forget it and keep making the joke every time! #oh i am Tired #wow i have a ramble tag now

[mothram]

#diana's music diary #good evening hiiiii #I've just been in bed today #it's really cold and I'm having horrible brain fog but it's okay cause Sheila n Cadence have been talking to me which is rlly nice :3 #they make me rlly happy... #I'm probably gonna get out of bed and eat shortly #I want to feel okay again but my body refuses #still.. I'll try to have a good day and so should you <3 #oh yeah.. if any of you know anything to get while there's the steam sale right now I'd love to hear your recommendations!! 😊 #this song's too catchy I keep just putting it on once every hour for a dopamine hit

[solarisgod]

to the chimera cluster, i'm so sorry you guys have been going through a rough time, and i share my feelings to ✨ and other affected chimeras for the anxiety and paranoia it's giving out. i don't think you guys are horrible people. i think you, as a whole, are incredible while you always want to be better and try your best. you've always been so kind and positive and opening to others, and it takes a lot of strength to be so in general and in an environment like the rpc. it's never easy being just kind, so seeing you always want to spread love even when things get difficult is amazing and inspiring. the rpc isn't the same without you, to be honest, so please don't let others put you down. you are all wonderful and i'm glad you're here. please take care and i hope the rest of this week and then treat you all more kindly, c.c. 💖🌟

Hey, thank you so so so incredibly much for this, Nonny. You have absolutely no idea how much this is needed and it means to us. It's truly extremely nice to know that our presence is appreciated, even though we can be a bit too... rowdy and chaotic to talk to and have around. We just wanna inspire and be inspired by so many wonderful and talented folks the rpc has while we make good genuine friendships and memories. Just. Thank you entirely and endlessly for this ask and we hope you have the most wonderful month and the rest of the year and so forth. We're so glad you're here too, in the rpc / on this platform and in the world. 💖✨

#ANONYMOUS #/// #// #/ #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ SAVED . › #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ OOC . › #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ ANSWERS . › #[ ✨ : not gonna lie I've been having that ' always being the second choice to people ' moment badly since what's been happening ] #[ and it's just. Making me really wanna delete this blog and disappear but this is extremely nice to hear. ] #[ just again thank you so so so much Nonny thank you. we love you so much. ] #[ me crying from seeing this after we woke up from nap? yeah... ] #[ but truly your time and energy taken in writing this for us will forever be most appreciated ; we're cherishing this ask and you <3 ]

[silverselfshippingchaos]

the way I am so.. so so so down bad for this man..

#once again. havent played x.b3 yet. but holy shit he rots my thoughts nonstop #have i already developed two fankids? perhaps #am i thinking about kissing him 24/7? perhaps #he's just so charming!! #i dont have as much to say as usual aksjaks my bad! been out all day and am kinda tired #and you know when like. you spend too much time with your family and you get a little too existential? yeah #but it's also late and wow i'm sleepy #and uh.. speaking of sleepy... this guy has been known to be a pretty sleepy guy- #if he wants someone to hold and cuddle all night... ahem ahem- hi my name's ash and- #he's so fine i am going bonkers #ash rambles 💚 #his hair is so nice aksjaksj i think about playing with it more than i should hehe #hm other than him #i've been really in my emotions about the f.f15 bros as of late 😭 g.ladio my love #and i.gnis p.rompto n.octis my best friends ever! family <3 #i'm getting sleepy aksjqjejw i love my f/os so much! #also... hear me out... m.alos von x.enoblade.... older brother material #anyways ur f/os love you and goodnight and all that! #OH ALSO back to my first point. the fankids. these two are twins ✨️ those little troublemakers (affectionate) and m.atthew always #make ash laugh so much aksjaksj #also! since i'm in bed at the moment and my a.qua plush is in my arms!! just saying that i love my wife so much #okay. now goodnight! again!

[pepprs]

meant to post abt this yesterday and ik it’s kinda mean but i think the counselor i have rn is the worst one ive ever had possibly even worse than (or tied w) the one i had over the summer who kept ending our sessions well before the full hour was up when i was going thru a horrible time and kept spending the sessions mostly talking abt herself and her own problems. actually no now that i write that out she was probably the worst (though she was one of the warmest / nicest and our personalities meshedreally well so i feel bad saying that she was the worst). but the one i have now is so…. lke idk. my experience w the worst counselor made me rly want to work w a clinical intern again bc i wanted someone who would like. actuallytake things seriously and give me the time i was paying for and spend all of it talki ng abt the things i was paying to talk abt and draw from the most recent / cutting edge info instead of entirely personal experience (WHICH AGAIN I FEEL SO BAD ABT BECAUSE. my work is all abt healing each other by sharing things like that and i realt did like her but it just wasn’t appropriate i guess bc it was a counseling relationship!) but my current counselor is so… rigid and restrictive. like i think he is trying too hard to apply what he’s being taught and he seems like nervous and talking out of his ass and he masks that by taking up SO much space and spending like 3 minutes responding to every one minute i talk and literally like strongarmimg the convos and deciding what we’re going to talk about and moving us on to a new topic abruptly before i feel ready to move on and like taking time out of our sessions to do paperwork / admin stuff so he doesn’t forget later (and a lot of the time i think he’s doing it while im talking bc i see his eyes moving around his screen and the light on his face like he’s not even listening to me). and it fucking sucks. i want to crack him like an egg so bad and make him realize it doesn’t have to be this way but i know that’s not my responsibility and in our session last night i basically gave up trying to create enough space for myself and just let him steer things bc i was having side effects and it was just rly unsatisfying

#purrs #i know it is entirely within my right to address these things both for my sake and for his / his future clients but im so scared lol like i #don’t want to tell him he’s doing a bad job and making it hard for me to navigate but literally when you keep steamrolling and silencing me #and cutting me off and forcing me around… yeah. also he has to record our sessions and show them to his profs / supervisors and it’s so like #idk. ive been recorded in sessions before and im totally fine w it but there’s 2 things abt this specific instance of it thst distress and #annoy me. 1) when we sign on to our session he says like 2 things to me then starts the recording and is TOTALLY fake and forcing it like #hello tess welcome to our session and he’ll repeat some of the stuff he said but in a more like.. extensive way so it just feels rly fake #to me lol. WHICH ALSO REMINDS ME 1.5) not related to the recording but every time he asks me questions he asks like… 3 questions but doesn’t #give me space to answer the two like it’s just a bridge for him as he&/ working his way to the thing he actually wants to ask me and i #fucking hate when ppl ask me questions and then answer them themselves or like don’t want to hear the answer. i had 2 profs like that in #brighton and it fucking pissed me offff so being around someone who does that again is rly agitating ik it’s just a nervous habit but yeah. #and 2) i am kinda concerned that none of my counselors profs or supervisors have seemed to call him on how he doesn’t give me space or let #me guide the convo. like idk maybe it’s just that all of my counselors before him were too loose w me but i feel like it s not supposed to f #feel this rigid and i am kinda scared abt the implications of no one actually watching these recordings and see how i try to speak but he #almost always talks over me and i just give up. lol. i like him he’s a nice person i just think he’s nervous and trying too hard and it #would be passable for like.. the little kid clients who usually go there but it doesn’t feel good for me a 23 year old who has had like what #6 counselors before him all of whom gave me space and didn’t shove me around. i miss the counselors i had from oct 2020 - jul 2021 and sept #2021 - feb 2022 they were the best ever and i am inches away from terminating here and just trying to go to wherever they are full time now #and working w them again bc they rly got me and i didn’t know how good i had it lol. i guess i don’t need someone as good anymore bc things #in my life are objectively better than they were during those times but my mental health is still bad so i would uhhh… like someone good #and don’t think that’s too much to ask and need to get it into my head that i CAN ask it. ok rant over #*no one actually watching the recordings has seen / pointed out to him how he steamrolls me etc etc

[astrxealis]

got another person into granblue fantasy, an old friend B)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #from SCHOOL !! we were just acquaintances before the pandemic but then uhmm #like last year...? suddenly started dming. fun! anyways super nice #oh i realize they are gay and trans too (as umbrella terms) im not as alone as i thought i was irl. nice <3 #yeah ... silly we haven't interacted irl yet we forgor how each other looks but also i found out today my friend in class from last year #remembers me as a friend and all uhm bcs my friend and her were talking about final fantasy... sniffs..... people remember me. wow #so yeah. and then uhm. yeah #THEY DID get into it sometime back but only now super properly i think... i won't be surprised if they don't get too into it though bcs time #and all lol! anyway right my dad uhhh..... oops.......... i forgor me and lune often have speeches relating to the lgbtq community #like the sogie bill should be passed or lgbtq struggles or stuff like that. same-sex marriage? #and they hear us very clearly. the walls are not very soundproof aha and once they were right inside. how fun #YEAH anyway my dad is hinting i think he'll support me and lune no matter what since we are family and idk he's cool i think #mom i'm worried about still but. yeah. i think i'll try to find the chance to come out to my aunt and maybe to her gay friend as well

[theood]

All I can hope for at my new job is that my coworkers are nicey to me bc I can be a bit slow learning new things

#Maybe ''fast food'' isnt the fit for me YEAH I know but nothing else was hiring me or taking me in for interviews so I'm just gonna hope e #veryone is so nice 2 me #fastfood in quotations bc im in coffee babey #i am gonna go in with the mindset that I CAN do this though bc I can and if a single customer is mean im gonna use the fact I look like im #11 to be like 'that was really mean would your mom be proud to hear you talking like that? I bet not. Try being nice and kind' #im still waiting for background check to go through and there's some other different stuff I'm worried abt but I'll tell yall alllll about #ny first day #really hope I don't get. early as hell shifts ahah. I put I could work them obvi but man i cannot do 5 am wake up times for the next few ye #ars im praying like 7/8 to like w/e thatd be kinda ideal <3 <3