#so yea i do like that they have insanely twisted views of each other it's very interesting to me

[marcsnuffy]

I don't think that differently about Kaiser now

#maybe because I initially disliked him after all😭 I've come around to liking him as an antagonist more than anything #he's always been like this & I think my shock with this chapter was more about how I didn't want to assume the worst of him #but then it comes out and that's how he is so it's more of a “oh okay this is how you think”. Which yeah. Of course #I'm actually excited to see how the kaiser/isagi rivarly gets resolved. I'm concerned about how it will affect ness #I don't want him to get ignored by the story itself yknow? 😭😭😭 but he did get a flashback so i doubt it. still. #I want to admit that I kinda expected too much from Kaiser given how he acts now idek why #someone else said “what if Kaiser saw himself in Ness when they first met” but it makes sense that #he would never want to think abt himself as someone who needs help or is as isolated or easy to take advantage of as Ness (in his pov) #even though he was at some point (and arguably still is. some of those things) #so yea i do like that they have insanely twisted views of each other it's very interesting to me #<- i think saph-yells-into-the-void said something similar to that last tag #anyways...... your favorite guy disappointed u? couldnt be me💅 my favorite guys r would never do that to me💅💅💅 #<being insufferable is my favorite bit. sorry #bllk spoilers

[ignisaeri]

It was dark when Oikawa blinked open his eyes, feeling as if a hundred tons of weight had suddenly dropped upon his chest. His head throbbed, sending pounding rhythms of pain reverberating through his skull.

Iwaizumi, he thought.

Instinctively, he twisted his head to the right, ignoring the sharp pain that tore up his neck, trying to see past the twisted metal and broken glass that now separated him from Iwaizumi.

“Iwa-chan?” He croaked out loud.

Oikawa dragged his left arm upwards and pushed it underneath him, trying to shove himself upwards in order to catch a better look. He stopped when the weight on his chest only increased, the sudden change aggravating something in his sternum and sending a ragged cough tearing through his body.

Oikawa’s arm gave out as his head dropped down, the coughs subsiding slowly. Blood pooled in his mouth, and he turned his head to the side, spitting it out. It spattered in dense drops against a large piece of the shattered windshield.

“Iwaizumi,” he called out again, remembering the look of terror that had eclipsed the other man’s face seconds before the trunk had slammed into their car.

Nothing answered him.

The car had completely flipped. Oikawa struggled, left arm pushing uselessly against the large piece of metal that was pinning him flat on the ground. His back scraped against cracked pieces of glass, and he could feel some of the larger shards digging into his flesh as he tried to move the metal off his chest. To his left, the car door seemed to be torn off, and Oikawa shivered as the cool night air brushed against his bruised skin. His right arm was completely unresponsive, lying limply next to him. Pain shot through his legs as he moved them weakly, kicking against the contorted interior of the car, and his sternum was a ball of pure agony.

“Iwa-chan!” He hissed, becoming increasingly desperate. “Answer me!”

“Oikawa.”

The voice came from outside the car, through the opening where the car door had been. A pair of shoes appeared in Oikawa’s view, followed by a set of legs.

Iwaizumi bent down so he could stare into the car, face impassive. “Shittykawa, don’t move.”

Oikawa let his arm drop, instead craning his neck so he could see Iwaizumi’s face better. “You’re okay,” he breathed, acutely aware of how the other man’s skin was pale and unblemished, as if he hadn’t just been driving a car that was hit by a truck. “You got out?”

Iwaizumi paused. “Yea. Yes, Oikawa, I did.”

His head was fuzzy, making Iwaizumi’s words sound distorted and warped. He blinked a couple times, trying to clear the distracting feeling. His eyelids slid shut, too tired to stay open.

“Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi’s tone had changed, sounding desperate and terrified. “Open your damn eyes.”

Oikawa grimaced, forcing them open anyway. The simple task seemed far too tedious.

“That’s it,” Iwaizumi breathed. “Keep them open, okay?”

“Why,” Oikawa grumbled, his breath coming short. “Not like there’s anything to see anyway.”

Iwaizumi’s smile was strained as he knelt closer, a hand coming to hover over Oikawa’s. “What? You don’t want to see me? You’re always boasting about how beautiful your fiancé is.”

He seemed to take a deep breath before letting his hand fall, fingers curling around Oikawa’s.

“You are pretty,” Oikawa rasped. “I’m just tired.”

“I know,” Iwaizumi said. His head dipped up and out of sight before coming back into Oikawa’s view, eyebrows furrowed in obvious fear and frustration. “Where are they?” He murmured softly.

“What?” Oikawa asked, unsure if his exhausted brain had just hallucinated his fiancé saying a full sentence.

Iwaizumi shook his head. “Nothing. Seriously, Oikawa, you can’t go to sleep. Not yet.”

“You say that every morning,” Oikawa mumbled.

“Because you never get up. You sleep until you’re nearly late for work, with your stupid alien pajamas and stupid stuffed toys.” Iwaizumi stopped, huffing out a quiet chuckle.

“I love you so much,” he said, lacing his fingers in between Oikawa’s. Oikawa frowned. Iwaizumi’s touch was feather-light, like soft wind ruffling the leaves in an abandoned cemetery. Were Oikawa’s nerves that messed up?

“Wha’ about- the driver? Truck?” Oikawa asked, gradually becoming aware that his words were making less and less sense. “Is he-?”

“I think he’s dead,” Iwaizumi supplied. “He hit us pretty hard.”

“H’ was on his phone. I, I saw.”

“Trust you to notice something like that in the middle of a crash.”

“I’m ob’er’van,” Oikawa slurred. The pounding in his head had gotten worse, and there was an uncomfortable lump trying to slide its way up his throat. He swallowed, pushing it back down. “One o’ my best' trai’s.”

Iwaizumi hummed distractedly, eyes tracing worried circles over Oikawa’s face. “It sure is,” he said.

Oikawa glowered. “Is ‘verything, okay? You… nev’r agree with me.”

That seemed to give Iwaizumi a pause. “It’s fine, Shittykawa. Trust me.”

“I tr’st you,” Oikawa said, watching the dark spots dance farther across his vision. The pain in his chest and legs had mostly faded away into a dull ache. A sudden thought occurred to him.

“Iwa-chan, ‘m I dy’ing?”

“No,” Iwaizumi said firmly. “Absolutely not. You have to live, Oikawa. Think of your parents, and Makki and Mattsun. Takeru. Kageyama and Hinata would be destroyed too."

“And you?”

“I’d be devastated,” Iwaizumi said, staring down at him.

A lazy smile spread across Oikawa’s face. “Good th’ng I’m not dy’ing th’n.”

He coughed, the lump in his throat finally winning the battle and sliding into his mouth, turning into a pool of blood that dripped from the corners of his mouth. Each cough wracked his body, sending new jars of pain through his chest and legs.

Oikawa’s eyes floated shut again, and he let them, too tired to care. His hearing started to blur out, static drowning out the panicky tones of Iwaizumi’s voice.

He jolted back into existence at the feel of an absolutely freezing hand smacking against his cheek.

“Stay awake,” Iwaizumi growled.

Oikawa groaned. “Wh’y ar’e you so cold?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Iwaizumi retorted hotly. “You can’t sleep yet.”

“M’kay. Not yet. You’re so’ nice t’day, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi opened his mouth to say something, but before he could make a sound, his head snapped upwards. New sounds filled the air - not Oikawa’s ragged breathing or Iwaizumi’s rapid shuffling, but loud, wailing sirens accompanied by harried shouts and flashing lights. Oikawa grimaced. Too loud and too bright.

“They’re here,” Iwaizumi breathed. “You’ll be okay, Shittykawa.” He was grinning, and not the sly ones he saved for when he hassled Oikawa, but a real, genuine one that Oikawa had only seen a dozen times throughout his life.

“Love y’ou,” Oikawa said around a mouthful of blood.

“I love you too,” Iwaizumi replied. He dipped down, pressing a soft kiss to Oikawa’s forehead. “Live a good life for me, alright?”

“F’or you?” Oikawa asked feebly. One of his hands reached upwards, trying to catch the hem of Iwaizumi’s shirt as the man pulled himself to his feet. “W’here y’ou goi’ng?”

“It’ll be okay,” Iwaizumi said. He smiled that genuine smile again. “I love you, Oikawa.”

And then the strange men and women were here, surrounding Oikawa. They yelled at each other, bringing long tubes and strange metal contraptions that wrapped around the gnarled car. But Oikawa only had eyes for Iwaizumi’s retreating form. Then he blinked, and Iwaizumi was gone.

The exhaustion became too much to bear, and the dark spots that had been slowly sliding into his view flared up, enfolding his whole world into black.

~~~~

“I think he’s waking up,” a familiar voice whispered, strangely subdued.

“I’ll get the doctor,” a second person said. There was the sound of rustling fabric and scraping chairs, and then more silence.

Oikawa groaned, eyelids sliding open. His blurry vision showed a drab ceiling, a dark mass sitting in the center of his line of sight.

He blinked, and the shape sharpened into the face of a man.

“Oikawa?” Hanamaki asked, leaning cautiously over his head. His eyes were red, the areas underneath puffy and maroon colored, as if his friend hadn’t slept properly for days. The corner of his mouth wobbled slightly.

Oikawa struggled upwards, startling when Hanamaki set a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down. “Stay still,” he said, looking insanely worried. “Don’t rip anything out.”

It was then that Oikawa noticed the clear tubes that disappeared into his arms, attached to beeping machines that surrounded the white sheeted-hospital bed. Hospital. He was in the hospital.

Oikawa coughed once. “What happened?”

His voice was raspy, the simple act of talking making his throat hurt.

“It’ll be okay,” Hanamaki said, his tone reminding Oikawa of a very different scene, of Iwaizumi repeating the same words before disappearing into the swarm of paramedics.

Iwaizumi.

Oikawa tore the top of the sheets away from his body with the arm that wasn’t in a cast, forcing Hanamaki to grasp his shoulders in order to press him back to the bed.

“Don’t move,” Hanamaki said again, teeth clenched.

“Iwaizuimi,” Oikawa said, struggling against his friend’s grip. “We- we were in the car - the truck - where’s Iwaizumi?”

Hanamaki wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Matsukawa’s coming back soon, with the doctor, and your parents are in the cafeteria.”

“Makki,” Oikawa hissed, ignoring the dull ache in his muscles as he tried to sit up. “Tell me.”

The door to the hospital room burst open again. A tall, thin woman walked through briskly, dressed in a long white coat, spectacles perched upon the tip of her nose and sleek shiny hair pulled back into a ponytail. Dark circles were ingrained underneath her eyes, clear signs of a shift that had gone on for too long. Matsukawa trailed after, clearly unsure of what he should be doing, gaze darting lightly over the room.

“Oikawa Tooru,” the doctor said, glancing at the clipboard she held in her hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Oikawa replied. “But Iwa-ch-”

“You were brought in for injuries sustained in a car accident,” she interrupted. “Five broken ribs, internal bleeding to your abdomen, a fractured arm and leg, as well as a concussion. Now, Oikawa-san, I hear you’re a volleyball player. You may be able to play again, after extensive physical therapy. The fracture in your legs will heal without incident, but I am concerned that your broken arm will interfere with your ability to play.”

The thought of not being able to play volleyball was like a physical blow to his stomach. This panic, however, was quickly swamped over with a rush of trepidation as the doctor spoke again.

“The man in the car with you passed away.”

Oikawa blinked.

“What?”

Matsukawa lowered himself into one of the chairs next to Oikawa’s bed. His eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

“Iwaizumi’s dead, Oikawa.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” the doctor offered softly. “If it’s any consolation, he died on impact. He felt no pain.”

Oikawa stared blankly at her. “He can’t be dead,” he insisted, voice gaining traction. “I saw him after-he was fine-”

“You were most likely experiencing the effects of blood loss,” the doctor said, gently.

“No!” Oikawa shook his head, adamant. “You don’t understand! I saw him after- he wasn’t hurt at all-he kept telling me to hold on and stay awake-I-”

He choked on the sudden onslaught of tears that rose up his throat, bracing his hands against the bed. “I saw him. Dead people can’t look like that-they can’t talk-they can’t smile-,” he whispered, remembering the grin on Iwaizumi’s face.

The doctor looked at Hanamaki and Matsukawa helplessly. “I’m truly sorry, Oikawa-san. Denial is common for-”

“There’s nothing to deny!” Oikawa snapped, suddenly furious. “There’s nothing to deny, because Iwa-chan can’t be dead-”

Hanamaki slid a comforting hand over the back of Oikawa’s palm, and Oikawa sobbed. “He was there,” he murmured, voice wavering.

“I know,” Matsukawa said, forcing a strained smile onto his face, even as clear tears left tracks down his cheeks. “It’ll be alright, Oikawa. ‘Maki and I are here for you.”

Oikawa met Matsukawa's eyes. They were dewy, the anguish of losing a friend clear to see.

“He told me to live for him.”

~~~~

Oikawa breathed in, long and deep, filling his lungs with the sweet scent of spring flowers. He stood in the center of the green grass, surrounded on all sides by tall stone pedestals.

He let his fingers loosen, a single white lily drooping from his grasp to land on the top of one of the pedestals. Oikawa knelt slowly, folding his knees under him.

Iwaizumi Hajime, the words engraved in the stone said. 20xx ~ 20xx.

Oikawa cleared his throat. “Hey, Iwa-chan. It’s your birthday today, you know?”

The grave did not respond. Oikawa was silent, listening to the leaves rustling in the wind, accompanied by the chirps of lonesome birds sitting in the newly blossoming trees.

“I talked with your mother this morning. She’s doing well, as is your father.”

Oikawa chuckled, absentmindedly pulling at the cuff of his shirt.

“Hanamaki and Matsukawa finally got married. They’ve been pining after each other since 6th year.”

Oikawa sighed. “I never told anyone this, but I know you were there that night. I don’t know how, if you somehow managed to stay as a- a ghost or something until the paramedics came or if you just refused to die like the stubborn person you were, but I know I didn’t hallucinate you.”

“You were there,” he repeated. “Somehow, you saved me. I never got to thank you for that.”

“I miss you,” he told the headstone. “But don’t worry. I’m still playing volleyball. Japan won the Olympics this year. Chibi-chan and Tobio-kun annoy me everyday. ‘Maki and ‘Matsu invite me over every Sunday for a movie night. I’m doing well.”

He pressed two fingers to his lips, then lowered them until they rested gently against Iwaizumi’s carved name.

“Fear not, Iwa-chan,” he said, smiling as obnoxiously as he could.

“I’ll live for you.”

~~~~

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”

~Alfred Lord Tennyson

#iwaizumi x oikawa #iwaoi #iwaizumi #oikawa #ficlet #fic #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #ao3 #fic recs #my fic #i crave validation #and spite #half the things i do are out of spite #angst

[l4verq]

remnants (1)

ransom drysdale x reader

in which you have to protect ransom drysdale because he has the same face as steve rogers, your ex who’s gone back to peggy

warnings : fights, guns, hostage situation, tiny bit of violence

if you want to be added to the taglist, lmk in the comments💗

ʀᴇᴍɴᴀɴᴛꜱ

*not my gif*

-

ransom’s seen pretty much everything.

travelled around the world, eaten the finest delicacies, snapped away for five years into non-existence all because of a purple, ball-sack face alien.

or so he thought.

because sitting here cuffed to a chair infront of you barely conscious, he begs to differ.

how did the night get so fucked so fast?

“hey.” he extends his leg, trying to nudge yours desperately.

you were a sight to behold with your hair undone, dark locks tousled around your delicate neck.

but ransom can’t afford to marvel at you, in fact the first thing he needs to do is get the fuck away from you.

because the way you’d jammed that glass cup up that bartender’s throat without a second thought, you were no ordinary woman.

“psst, hey.” He tries again, eyes skimming over the room.

they probably were holding them both for ransom.

hell would freeze over before he gave any of his money to those fuckers who chained him up like a dog.

you stir around slightly as you slowly open your heavy eyes. a groan slips out when you try to adjust yourself, only tightening the hold on your hands.

“good, you’re up.”

you lift your head to see a bloodied ransom across you.

slumping back into your seat, your body cries out in pain at the slightest movements.

as soon as you’d tasted the martini, you knew it was an ambush, thankfully spitting most of it out.

but it was too late, the drug almost instantaneously taking action, making you groggy.

the last thing you vaguely remember is dragging ransom out only to be whacked out cold, seeing stars.

“what’s going on? hey, are you going back to sleep?”he asks, straining his leg out to nudge yours again.

“you just don’t shut up, do you?” you croak out, barely above a whisper.

“i’m being held hostage in this room,” his nose scrunches up, “so, I’m sorry if I’m just a little curious as to what the fuck is going on.”

he looks almost pitiful, dried blood on his forehead and desperation in his eyes.

reminds you of steve after missions when he would limp around, all bruised up.

your eyes flicker over to the one camera pointed right at you, but the way it was angled you knew your hands weren’t in view.

“do you know about the avengers?” you work on dislocating your wrist to free your hands chained behind you.

not exactly your favourite thing but it worked everytime.

he rolls his eyes and quirks an eyebrow.

“you think I don’t know the avengers? the whole ‘saviours of the world but we choose to remain anonymous’ crap?”

“well, you’re looking at one right now.” you give an umamused smile, slightly flinching at the wrench that causes a tear in your ligaments.

he probably wouldn’t have believed you if he hadn’t witness you take down six people with such ease just a few hours? ago.

“anyways long story short, you look just like captain america and for some reason hydra just can’t seem to get over that face of yours.”

he lets out a genuine laugh which only seems to intensify the throbbing pain in his head.

you were a whole other kind of crazy.

“steve rogers? no one’s even seen his face under that dumb cowl of his.” he snorts, noticing the slight shift in your face at the mention of steve.

“andy barber. jake jensen. colin shea. ever heard of them?”

another tear.

he shakes his head, his irritation only growing by the very second.

“a few months ago, each one of them started disappearing one after the other. the only thing they had in common was their faces. they looked exactly like you, like him.”

you clench your jaw as you position your wrist for the final twist.

the last one always hurt like a bitch.

“you’re crazy.” he huffs, in disbelief.

he knew he shouldn’t have gone to that stupid event, not let his mother get in his head like always.

he could be at home right now, in his lavish three bedroom villa overlooking the sylvan surroundings.

but here he was, tied up in a filthy room with an avenger.

you might have to agree with him on the crazy part because you’re regretting the whole dislocating thing when the last twist pulls through, pain nearly blinding you.

he can only watch in horror as he realises what you’re doing.

“no, like you’re actually insane.” he breathes out in disbelief as your hands slip out of the chain.

the door swings open, guns pointed right at you.

a particular face in the middle catches your eye as you recognise him.

“you know you’re not getting out of here that easy, right?” zemo chuckles, “broke those pretty bones for nothing.”

“you get blipped for five years and this is the first thing you do? somebody needs to get a life.” you slowly get up, hands raised (you think?)

you couldn’t really feel them anymore.

“sit back down.” he orders, gun pointed right at your head.

he yells at you to sit down again but the gun’s pointed at ransom now.

“holy fuck, dude, don’t point that shit at me. this is how 99% of the people in movies die.” ransom pleads, his eyes closed.

“he’s not steve, you know that. so, why are you doing this? I mean I know why I’m doing this.” you hesitantly sit back down, your ears pleased for once to hear the familiar whirring.

just a few more seconds. that’s all you needed.

he cocks his head, “doing what?”

“buying time.”

ransom’s seen enough action movies to know the probability of him accidentally being shot by any of the rain of bullets whizzing past you two right now is high.

too high for his liking.

he thinks he saw a red flying thing knock out zemo? before you pushed him down so hard the chair broke.

“jesus christ, are you trying to kill me?” He yells, his back throbbing in pain.

and all of a sudden, it’s quiet,a persistent ringing taking over his ears.

he opens his eyes to see you hovering over his face.

it’s weird, your lips seem to be moving but he can’t hear you.

and it’s all black.

“i just want you to know that what you did back there, that was stupid.” sam glares at you, in the rearview mirror.

“and dumb.” bucky chimes in.

you roll your eyes.

it was going to be a long ride to the safehouse.

the car bumps and ransom bounces around, his head hitting the top.

“jesus, hold him or something.” bucky turns around, looking at ransom’s unconscious body sprawled on the seat.

you scoot over closer to ransom, your hand guiding his head to your lap.

bucky turns back around, a grin creeping up to his face which you just want to punch off.

you look down at the bloody mess on Ransom’s forehead, fingers slightly grazing over it.

it was done with a blunt object, most likely the back of a gun.

you can’t stop staring at his face, the same lump forming in your throat again.

so you force yourself to look away, focus on the trees zooming past until sam stops the car infront of a small house, “we’re here.”

bucky hands you a bag of essentials, waving at you to go in, “we got him.”

the house is actually better than most safe houses you’re used to.

it has electricity and hot water and that’s already made it a top contender.

you head straight for the shower, stripping down to nothing while turning on the water.

you hiss in pain at the contact of water on your aching skin.

the water’s scorching hot but it’s the only way you feel clean.

you scrub off the grime and dirt like always, desperately washing away the dried blood under your fingernails.

a trail of reddish brown water as you wash your hair, nails scratching every surface of your scalp.

quickly changing into a set of clean clothes, you pull out a box of needles.

you’re sloppy with your stitches, maybe cause you’d gotten used to him doing it for you.

throwing your wet hair into a towel, you debate whether to clean his wound up or not.

but your hand is already reaching for the bag of first aid sprawled all over the sink.

“it’s just a nice thing to do.” you mumble, making your way to the living room.

sam’s passed out on the couch adjacent to ransom and you’re pretty sure bucky went out to get some food.

they’ve changed his clothes for him but the ugly bruise on his forehead only seems to be swelling up.

you sit down on the floor, rummaging through the box, pulling out cotton and antiseptic.

“am I dead?” he croaks out, slightly shifting.

you chuckle, looking back at him.

a few dabs of the brown liquid on the cotton.

“this is gonna sting.” You warn him before gently wiping the angry bruise.

he flinches, groaning in pain.

“where am I?”

“safe.”

“yea, that’s really comforting.” he looks up at you in annoyance.

you exchange to a new waft of cotton, still cleaning up the dried up blood.

it’s strange, how weird yet nice your gentle touches feel.

the way your lips slightly part and eyebrows knit together as you concentrate.

ransom never really had someone take care of him like this.

“wher’s Steve?” he asks the lingering question on his mind.

there’d been many conspiracy theories online, each one crazier than the other.

he again notices the slight clench of the jaw, the shift in your position at the mention of his name.

“gone.” you reply stoically, placing the gauze over the swelling wound.

a shit reply but he can’t bring himself to pry further.

you look down at his face, the familiarity of this catching you offguard.

after every mission, he’d force you to sit down and tend to your every wound, every scratch.

can’t have my girl walking around, all bruised up like that.

and you’d force him to sit down and do the same.

it was always so personal, standing between his legs, his hands around your waist while yours worked around.

“hey, you okay?” ransom lifts his head, regretting it instantly as pain shoots up his entire body.

you blink away the tears threatening to spill any second.

“yeah, I’m good. Get some rest.”

you fumble around, hurriedly picking up the first aid kit, your shaky hands doing little to help you.

you were clearly distraught and ransom had a sneaking suspicion why.

-

a/n : i dont even know if u can physically dislocate your wrist yourself lol, im just making shit up as i go lmao

#ransom drysdale #steve rogers #chris evans #ransom x reader #ransom x you #ransom x y/n #steve x reader #steve x you #steve x y/n #captain america #mcu #marvel #sam wilson #bucky barnes #steve rogers angst #ransom thrombey x reader #knives out

[vapid-slut]

Perfect Harmony; Ch.1

Warning[s]: Swearing, Michael being a dirty bitch

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: Entering her senior year as a cheerio, the reader is excited to combine both her love of music and her newfound popularity. To Michael, however, this is the perfect opportunity to fuck with his innocent neighbor

A/N: Can we say, I hate this, because I really do. I have no idea what has compelled me to post this dumpster, just know that if you read this, no u didn’t <3 + I did not proofread this so if theres any typos I’m so sorry, I’m running on 4 hrs of sleep and 5 cups of coffee

Music was your life. Your parents often joked that you were singing before you uttered your first word. Unfortunately, there were no music clubs during your past two years of high school. It was only last year that you and the glee club won nationals, hence why you were able to keep funding. School administration was never really fond of the arts, but they would bend over backward to give the sports clubs whatever they needed.

Your biggest dream was to get a scholarship, preferably for music, since you excelled at it. All your life, you watched your father slave away to keep you happy. You just wanted to repay his kindness. Abruptly, your dream, which entailed you winning a grammy, was disrupted by the ringing of your alarm clock. Your arm stretched over to your nightstand, turning the device off, bringing the sound to a halt.

Slowly, you removed the sheets off your body, standing up for a brief stretch before walking to your bathroom. You went about your morning routine much quicker than you typically would. Mostly due to your excitement, this year would be the first that you spent closer to the top of the social food chain. Over the summer, your dad became fast friends with Coach Sylvester. She had come over a few times. And although their relationship was strictly platonic, they both had grown fond of each other. A week before school, she offered you a spot on the cheerios, one you couldn't turn down. Cheerleaders were at the very top of the pyramid. Girls wanted to be them while boys wanted to be with them.

Once you had finished doing the bare necessities your morning required, you hastily made your way to your closet, immediately reaching for one of the three cheerleading uniforms hanging on the rack. You stripped out of your pajamas before slipping into the skimpy skirt, unaware that you had an admirer. Michael had moved next door a few months into your freshman year, was a rather charming boy. He quickly became a hot commodity, no doubt due to how impeccably handsome he was. You were never too fond of him, but even you had to admit that he was a divine sight.

It never truly bothered you that the window into your room was straight across from the one piercing into his. But if you could see the look of satisfaction on his face as he watched you undress, you'd feel very unnerved. The boy had always felt attracted to you. He saw you as a challenge. You were one of the few students in your grade who was still a virgin. Not due to your looks, you frankly didn't have the time to go to parties or hook up with people. Your focus was on your education. And if getting into a great school meant sacrificing your social life, you were content with that.

Once you had finished getting your uniform on and slicking your hair into a neat updo, you gathered your things into your bag and hurried downstairs for breakfast. "Mornin' kiddo!" Your dad said, greeting you with a smile. You muttered a cheerful 'hey' in response, walking towards one of the cabinets full of cereal boxes. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. My car had to get fixed up last night so, I'll have to take yours today." You shrugged as a reply, not caring. "So am I taking the bus today?" Your father shook his head, reaching for a spoon at the same time. "No. That nice boy next door offered to give you a ride today. Isn't that sweet?"

Fuck- you thought to yourself, of course, the universe found some way to screw up your day. You took a long sigh before shifting your eyes to the clock on the wall. "Shit! I'm sorry, dad. I'd love to eat breakfast, but the Glee meeting starts in 20 minutes." Your dad shrugged, not too bothered. "It's fine, go have fun and tell Michael I said hello." You nodded to your old man, and with that, you were up and out the door.

As soon as you stepped foot outside, there he was. Hair perfectly curled, toothpick dangling from his soft lips. You sighed, walking towards the blonde, waiting for him to get out of the way. "Wow, you become a cheerleader, and now you think you're hot shit?" He spat, you gave him a death glare before pushing him lightly to get inside the car. He followed suit, taking his place in the driver's seat. "As much as I find you annoying, your ass does look great in that skirt." You scoffed, rolling your eyes at the boy as he started driving. "Listen up, Pillsbury fuckboy. Though this might seem hard to understand, I don't like you. And I'd rather not spend my senior year arguing with someone as unbearable as you, so can you please leave me alone?!"

The blonde chuckled at your response. Your mouth said one thing while your thoughts said another. "Your wish is my command." He mumbled sarcastically before reaching to turn up the music on the radio to an obscene volume. The rest of the car ride was entirely uneventful, neither of you uttering a word to each other. Ultimately, you had reached the school parking lot. Not many cars were there since it was early, and only a few clubs were meeting today. Before Michael could do anything, you swiftly got out the car, making sure to slam it loudly. "Don't fucking slam the door!" He said, his voice reaching you even though you were still walking, in response you promptly flipped him off. "Fucking bitch." He uttered lowly as you slowly left his field of view.

-----

"Welcome back, New Directions!" Glee's coach, Mr.Shue, said as you embraced your friends. "As you know, this will be our last year together, and a few of our beloved friends have left for college already. Which means we'll be having auditions for some newcomers." As he spoke, he walked over to the whiteboard, grabbing his trusted magic marker. "But there's a twist." You and everyone else in the room watched as he wrote out the words American Idol. "This time, you'll be judging with me."

You would typically be seated next to Tina and Mercedes, but they were both absent for the meeting. Instead, you sat with Santana on your left and Quinn to your right. You had to admit that it felt nice. Usually, you wouldn't ponder on things so benign. But you had spent most of high school getting teased by Michael and the rest of his sought after friends. Not a day went by that slushies weren't thrown in your face, now you could finally walk the halls without fear of humiliation. 

Besides that, you were also really ecstatic to help Mr. Shue with auditions. Glee club was what had brought a group of entirely different people together. So you'd be more than glad to share that with a new ensemble of students before you all went your final ways.

-----

The rest of your day went by quicker than usual. There wasn't much to learn on the first day. Once the clock hit 3:30, You rushed to the auditorium as if your life depended on it. You had to admit that you missed the stage, singing, and dancing with your friends. You made your way the middle of the seating area, taking your place beside Artie.

A majority of the auditions were lackluster. Only a handful stood out. Like that girl Marley and that kid Jake. You were just about ready to leave and go home until something caught your attention. "Michael Langdon?" Your eyes lit up immediately as you heard the name. You watched as the blue-eyed boy made his way to the stage, smug look on his face.

There was no way in hell Michael fucking Langdon, the same boy who referred to glee as "homo explosion," would ever willingly audition. His rendition of "Suit and Tie" was incredible, which only pissed you off more. Not only was he insanely attractive, but he just had to be talented too, fucking men.

You watched as your fellow glee members watched in amusement. It was the girls who seemed most excited.  Eventually, it all became too much, and before the boy could finish entertaining your friends, you stormed off into the parking lot. Far too upset with the blonde to drive home with him, you sent your friend Mike a text asking if he could get you. He lived pretty close to the school, so you knew it would only take a few minutes.

-----

By the time Mike had pulled up to the building, the other glee kids were exiting. You quickly reached for the door of his car, rushing to get to the passenger seat. "You alright?" He asked, worried by how fidgety you were. You nodded. "Yea, I just wanna go home." Mike was always very comforting. The two of you became friends during your freshman year, mostly because of how many classes you shared. You both had a love for music and were smart, so it wasn't long before you two clicked.

Within a few minutes, you had arrived at your house, Mike flashing you a smile. "Thank you for coming to get me. It means a lot." The dark-haired boy shrugged. "It's no biggie, see you tomorrow, cheerio." You rolled your eyes sarcastically. "Whatever, jock-face." And with that, you entered your home.

The house was currently empty. He was taking the night shift at the hospital so, he probably wouldn't come back till late at night. You walked up the stairs to your room, dropping your bag on the floor. After everything that had gone down today, you were exhausted. You quickly took off the scanty cheer uniform and slipped on your much softer penguin pajamas.

You practically threw yourself on the bed, hoping to get some rest, but were promptly distracted by a notification on your phone. The text, from an unknown number nonetheless, read 'look outside your window.' You quickly sat up, confused, and turned your head only for your eyes to be met by Michael Langdon, who just happened to be balls deep inside some random brunette. 

You gave the boy a disgusted look before pulling down your blinds. Never in your life had you been more repulsed. Your mind tried long and hard to block out any memory of what you just witnessed. After around forty-five minutes, you received another text message from non-other than Michael.

'It's a shame you missed my performance."

'Go fuck yourself, Langdon.'

'If you say so ;)'

The rest of the night, you wondered what you had done to be the new subject of Mr. Pillsbury Fuckboys torment. You had spent most of your high school years avoiding him at cost. Suddenly it seemed like you weren't getting rid of him anytime soon. You were just lucky you only had to endure this for a few more months, and then you'd be on your way.

Or so you thought.

#Hawthorn!Michael x Reader #michael langdon x reader #michael langdong imagine #michael langdon smut #michael langdon blurb #michael langdon

[wizisbored]

What are some of your favorite lines you've written for your fics? (Also I'm sorry things aren't going well right now. Sending love 💜)

right its time to go diggin im using this as an excuse to reread everything because i cant think of any lines off the top of my head even though i know theres a shitton

premptively putting a cut here because this will probably end up long as shit and you know what fuck yea to that because fuck yea to being proud of what youve made

SO

hallelujah, first thing i posted:

If those bastards want to make her part of their shitty musical, then she’s going to make it difficult. Or at least inconvenient.

The hive is not inconvenienced in the slightest.’

- idk if this is as funny as i think it is but i find it funny

"Nobody dies with dignity, Emma. There's no honour in the thing, however you dress it up."

- wrote that to sound creepy and now i cant decide whether i actually think its true

But he’s holding her like she’s his salvation, as if it’s his life hanging in the balance.

- salvation is just a good word tbh

It’s hopeless, but she refuses to be killed by a game of fucking ‘got your nose’.

purgatory, intended to be a shitpost but now i unironically think of it as the best thing ive ever written

After a few years (or maybe seconds, it’s not clear) / it takes a moment (or maybe it doesn’t, who knows?) / An undocumentable amount of time passes. /  They might have slipped into an uneasy silence lasting millenia - or milliseconds - if it wasn’t for the jolly tune that suddenly fills the air. / for minutes or years or millenia or maybe even eons / After a brief, indescribably long nap / But the incomprehensible amount of time seems somehow shorter this time.

- 2 in one of fucking with the concept of time and hinting at an unreliable narrator, hell yea. its about the weird atmosphere, baybeeeee

“Does one day of trying the hardest we could outweigh years of not trying at all?” Emma wonders aloud. Paul squeezes her hand.

“I damn hope so.”

He doesn’t ask if she believes in Hell.

- even without context i like this line but in context it really helped set the sombre tone so i could do a full 180 at the end of the chapter

Emma wonders whether they’ve been sent to musical hell for failing to stop the musical apocalypse

- love the implication that there is a hell dedicated to annoying people via musical theatre

“You said- you told her you’d never be in a musical?”

“Yes.”

“And then you died performing a musical number?”

“I- yeah, I did.”

“Brilliant! Now, that is stupid!”

- probably my best characterisation of death, sounds like something that would be said in a stupid deaths bit, i can hear it in his voice

teachers pet

“It’s only blatant if people know about it. So in actual fact this is secret favouritism.”

- hidgens gives absolutely 0 shits about the ethics of the situation good for him

“And if that is kidnapping, well, consider yourself kidnapped.”

- once again ethics simply do not matter

“Oh, where is your sense of adventure? Are you not curious about the results of washing baked beans?”

- this line hants me when im trying to make stew or just have some fucking beans on toast because I am curious about the results of washing baked beans

“Well, if it isn’t, and we both die, then I’ll be quite disappointed. We did spend all evening on this, after all.”

- priorities

finishing what we started, actually originally a scrapped ending idea for igtlt that i liked too much to abandon entirely

“How many bullets?” He eventually asks.

“Enough.”

- they just know what theyve got to do

Only thing left to say is a big ol’ fuck you to… God, everyone else in the fucking world. Oh, and God. Fuck you God, you prick.

- gotta love them tto refs

wildfire, almost 20,000 words of angst that im going to read through because fuck it why not

She doesn't understand the order, at least not yet; a dog doesn't understand the first time she's called to heel. But that can change. Though, from the bared teeth of this dog, the trader guesses it may take a while.

- this is actually something i really like doing in narration, calling a character something in dialogue or comparison and then directly calling them it in the narration

He understands; she doesn't want to show weakness to someone who could exploit her, doesn't want to show gratitude to someone she hates. But the tribeswoman is tired and scared and hurt, and it's obvious. She's broken, at least for today.

The loneliness, however, refuses to wane. It settles in her chest like a physical need, a craving for closeness.

- got inspiration for this description by thinking about hugging my partner while i was stuck in lockdown

"You can say that again," the older woman mutters, shaking her head. "God-fuckin'-damnit, Lauren, why d'you never think about the implications?"

Jemilla turns to her with a questioning look. "Who's Lauren?"

"She-" Molag begins to explain, then pauses. She thinks for a moment, then shakes her head. "I don't even know."

- crossover jokes hell yea

He’s tolerable, she’s decided, at least relatively so, but not trustworthy. If she could truly trust him then he wouldn’t be involved in all this. If she could trust him, she wouldn’t know him.

The thinly-veiled threat in his grin

She stares up at the man, shaking, whimpering, pleading. Wordlessly begging for him to stop.

- gotta love reaching the breaking point

She probably looks insane, bruised and bloody and laughing quietly to herself in a cage. She doesn’t care. They can think she’s insane, just as long as they don’t think they broke her.

laughing as they rediscover half-forgotten days spent as children let loose in a world that seemed so huge and yet so small at the same time

“You know, kids like Zazzalil - scrawny little things born as Autumn died - they’re not supposed to see Spring.”

- i will see any character without a detailed fleshed-out backstory and say ‘is anyone going to make headcannons about that’ and then not wait for an answer

Maybe the pain will shock her out of her head.

im going to live twice

It feels more like a bag of broken crockery than a human.

- this was the only time ive ever had to describe something really gory and decided to make it as uncomfy as possible

she notices with a concerning level of non-concern

Paul Matthews is gone, boy. And if I catch you using a dead man’s name again, well.

- its about the ✨forced disconnect✨

It stares at him, and for a moment he sees the young man that Benny used to be, silently pleading for the agent to tell him he'll be okay.

"In my defence, that was the Colonel's idea.” The man raises his hands in surrender. “I wanted to call you Lauren. I was outvoted.”

- i will take literally any chance to make a 4th wall joke and that is a threat

“I’ll see what can be done,” he assures it, knowing full well that nothing will be.

- xander doesnt flat out abuse emma in the way mcnamara and shaffer do but hes still cruel in subtler ways

“No chance of being hurt?”

Xander nods. “No chance of you being hurt.”

-  ✨foreshadowing ✨

If only he was free, free to just get up and go find Blue and tell her - actually tell her, out loud, with words - that she’s going to be okay. If only he could say that and have it be the truth.

She holds onto that piano. Right now, as she kneels crying into the tabletop, it's all she has.

- ‘sir thats my emotional support near-complete stranger’

smoke and feathers

Irony can be a cruel, twisted bitch.

- probably the best opener ive written

There’s a sort of pathetic irony in the fact that she slipped on a stone while wading across a shallow stream and broke her neck.

The stars move across the sky, and she still doesn’t know why.

- sounds poetic and all while also being a fuck you to the chorn twist because i hate it

It seems like every time she looks away the moon goes from waxing to waning and back again, time marching onwards in one unending night, swallowing one unending forest.

Even with her limited view of the person’s face, Zazzalil can see the softness in their expression. She’s hit with a pang of longing for Jemilla.

They share those tender looks that make Zazzalil long for home.

The kind of silence only shared between people who can appreciate the simplicity of each other’s presence

aaand thats pretty much all of em. i know when you said ‘some’ you probably meant less than this but i will give a consice answer to a question when pigs fly. i was going to do the double e au too but its past 1 am now and im going to bed. thanks for this ask because whether intentionally or not you just made me read 48,860 words of fic and thats a damn good distraction when things are getting a bit shitty :)

#igtlt fic #wildfire fic #teachers pet fic #sf fic

[zankivich]

Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 13

a/n: Hi there. This is going to be good. I promise. Take some deep breaths. Relax a little. Let yourself fall into it. There’s a lot of build up here but it will all make sense in a little while. I promise. If you hate it that’s cool, you can come yell at me. I’ll understand. But I love you? If you like it enough to want to buy me a ko-fi I’d love you forever! 

Trigger Warnings: details of sex, anxiety attack

*y/n’s point of view*

Going home is good for a while. You start a huge campaign with Roger’s Stadium to do their new branding. It’s kind of Shawn adjacent, but distant enough that no one brings it up that your boyfriend just happened to sell out a show there. You got to pick someone to help do the low-level research and you quickly paired up with Stu. It meant late nights in the office with your best friend doing what you did best. Marketing was your thing. Understanding different demographics of people and what got through to them best was something that you’d never had to be taught in the classroom. It came naturally. So communicating your product, connecting with people was just fun for you. It just so happened to come with a lovely commission on the side.

You meet with Gina, to confirm and solidify your pitch, but also apparently for a wellness check. After a lifetime of male bosses, you’d never once had one of those, but the second you sat down in her office she quickly flipped the lid on your ipad and made you talk about yourself instead.

“How are you?” She asked.

Your eyes widened slightly. “I...I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m okay,” She chuckled. “You’re used to jumping right into things, aye? Is that it?”

“I guess. Most bosses usually just want me to do the job and move on.”

“Ah. Then this should be a lovely change of pace for you. I have no interest in what you do professionally if you’re not doing okay holistically. The two are deeply intertwined. I’m not saying we’re going to be best friends. In fact we probably shouldn’t but, if at no other point in your day is someone asking you how you’ve been, let that be what your time with me looks like, okay?”

“Okay.” You murmured letting your shoulders relax slightly. “Okay.”

“So I ask you again, how are you doing y/n?”

“Things are good, actually. Stu and I work so well together that sometimes I can’t tell when our friendship stops and when the work begins. We just understand each other’s minds in a really productive way, so it’s really nice to be able to work together.”

She gave you that smile again that said you were doing something wrong causing you to pause again.

“What?”

“I guess I’m just curious how often when someone asks you how you’re doing you immediately start talking about work.”

You signed, hands twisted up in your lap as you struggled to maintain eye contact with her.

“Yea well...There’s not really much going on for me outside of work right now so?”

“Really? What about that famous boyfriend of yours everyone’s always yapping about?”

You snorted. “Famous boyfriend is getting ready for his very famous tour in England at the moment.”

“England, aye? That’s where you flew out to a few weeks ago right?”

“Yea. We uh had a fight that was bit my fault, so I went to apologize and smooth things over. He’ll be heading for Amsterdam come March though.”

She nodded. “That’s a lot for you to handle, I’m guessing. You must fly a lot to go see him? That’s hard considering your job here.”

You peered down at your lap again.

“This is actually the first time we’re doing the whole long term long distance thing. I’m sure we’ll be fine. It’s all a learning curve though. I uh I was planning on going to Amsterdam for the first two shows but that will probably be the last time I leave for at least a few months. I won’t see him for most of the year.”

“Well, shit. That just sucks.”

You smiled. “Yea, little bit. But he says he’ll fly back as often as he can. And with social media and technology now a days I can still talk to him for like hours. We’ll be okay. The hardest part is just keeping myself busy, and thankfully I’m pretty good at that.”

“What about family and friends?”

“Family is...complicated. Friends is Stu and his boyfriend Brian. Most of the people in the office are much older than me though, and we just don’t really care about the same things. I’m good though, I’ve always been the kind of person to go out and do whatever makes me happy. I don’t need a bunch of people around for that.”

She laughed again. “Well isn’t that nice to know. I suppose you can show me your pitch now.”

She loves it. And it’s incredibly validating, and takes a lot of stress of your shoulders. Now all that was left to do was to present the real thing and hope that they liked your design. It seemed like a cause for celebration. So you and Stu made plans to get all gussied up, go out to a fancy dinner, and get wine drunk together before eight pm. You tried to give Shawn a call, he knew how stressed you’d been about it after all, but it went to voicemail. So, you tucked your phone in your purse and went out to have a good fucking time.

“To being in our mid-twenties and finally hitting the fucking glow up! We are in our prime motherfucker!” Stu grinned cheersing his glass against yours.

You snorted. “We sure fucking are. When Ari said it feels so good to be so young and so successful, bitch was not lying.”

“Ugh. I wanna die and come back as that song. I thought that the thing I hated you most for was getting to see Shawn Mendes’ dick in person, but I think it’s that you have the ability to meet my fairy godmother, Ariana Grande, and there’s just nothing I can do about it.”

You peered over at your best friend over the rim of your glass with raised eyebrows.

“Stu...Are you sexually attracted to my boyfriend?”

His eyes widened slightly and his lips parted like a goldfish flopping on a dry surface begging for water. The idiot.

“To be fair...The entire office wants to fuck your boyfriend. Not just me!”

“Wow...That does not make me feel any better you sleez!” You chortled. “You’re my best friend!”

“It’s not like I would pursue it! Besides, Shawn Mendes was on our hall pass list far before you two were playing footsie behind my back.”

“I beg your pardon? And stop calling him by his full name, it gives me the creeps.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “The minute that man figured out how to put on a suit, Brian told me straight up if he ever found out Shawn went the other way, he would leave my ass in a heartbeat.”

“Jesus. So the whole world wants to screw my boyfriend?”

“Little bit, babes. But, you’re the only one who gets to! Don’t worry about the rest of us horny idiots.” He smiled.

“Have I ever told you how good you are at consoling me?”

“No.”

“Good.” You smirked. “You suck at it.”

He swatted at you playfully allowing both of you some time to look over your menus. At least that’s what you thought you were doing. It only took a few minutes of not so subtle stares for you to get the hint. The more you got used to being with Shawn the more you picked up on stuff like that.

“What is it now, Stu?” You sighed plopping your menu down.

“Well...Don’t take this the wrong way, because I completely don’t mean it in a predatory, creepy one at all but...What’s the dick like?”

“Oh god.”

He sighed. “We used to talk about all our hookups! I just want to know that my bestie is getting the dicking down that she deserves. It just so happens that this is internationally famous dick.”

Your best friend was a complete and total dumbass. But, you loved him. And you loved Shawn. And quite honestly not getting to share your experiences with someone was tough. It was hard because you knew Stu might not be able to relate to some of the things you were now experiencing as a result of your relationship, but he was also the person you went to for just about everything and vice versa. Also...sometimes a girl needs to gloat.

You peer around the restaurant as if a pap or one of Shawn’s fans might be lurking around every corner. (Sometimes, it felt like they were.) Stu leaned in in his nosey ass manner

“So like...it’s the best dick I’ve ever had in my life.” You whispered.

“Shut the fuck up.”

You whined dramatically. “I wish I was kidding. The whole hour and a half shows every night of the week translates so well into the bedroom. His stamina is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. His breath control allows him to go down on me for insane amounts of time. I’m talking like the bastard has evolved gills or some shit!”

Stu cracked up laughing and clanked his glass happily against yours.

“To evolving gills, bitch!”

You snorted happily and cheers’d with him again.

“Wait Stu, something happened.” You murmured moving closer in your seat to lean across the table.

“What? What?”

“So I went to the UK obviously to make up for things and I found this plus-size lingerie store while I was there so I thought it might get his mind off things if we like had some fun or whatever.”

“Okay….AND?”

“And so we’re doing...you know, it. And out of nowhere this dominant side of him comes out that honest to god made me wetter than the ocean seas.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “What the hell does that mean? What did he do?”

You bit your lip taking another gander around the restaurant only for him to swat at you about getting shy just as you were getting to the good part.

“I was somewhat bent over, I guess you could say.”

“Great so you were doing doggy style, get to the kinky shit, sis.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know… It just like started to feel really good and I had a feeling that I was going to…”

“Cum?”

You shook your head softly.

He gasped. “Squirt?”

You nodded.

“Oh. My. God. He’s really dicking you to explosion.”

“Yes. That is accurate. Anyway, I’ve never done that while he was in me before so I guess I started pushing against his hips because it felt so good? And he pulled my arms behind my back randomly and literally fucked me through it. Even when I was screaming louder than I’ve ever screamed before. He said, and I quote: ‘Baby, just let me give it to you. Let me make you feel good like only I can.’ and I just...holy shit Stu it was the best orgasm of my life.”

“You memorized a quote during sex? That is the biggest dick energy I’ve ever heard in my life. I have to go home and now slap my boyfriend because you’ve told me that story. I hope you’re satisfied, ruining other people's relationships. Holy shit, y/n.”

You licked at your lips and smile up at the sky as if God had something to do with it and not your wonderfully aggressive boyfriend.

“Yea. I know.” you sighed dreamily. “I love him.”

Meanwhile…

*Shawn’s point of view*

“What’s your problem? Y/n not texting you back?” Brian asked as Shawn tossed his phone back onto the couch.

He rolled his eyes. “No. But I am a perfectly grown adult who doesn’t need his girlfriend’s constant validation to feel secure in our relationship, Brian!”

“That what the self-help books telling you, bud?”

Brian was walking past after having turned the tv on and he very purposely tripped him. Jackass.

“Is you not getting to blow your load at least three times a day gonna make you an asshole this whole entire tour?”

He reached for a pillow and quickly socked his best friend in the face.

“Why are you such a dickhead, dickhead?!” He snorted. “There’s nothing I can do about having an incredible sex life. That is not my fault!”

“Incredible sex life, my ass!”

He put his hand over his heart and gave him the most sincere face he could offer.

“Bri...it’s a great fuckin’ sex life. Best of my whole life.”

“What does she shoot beams of light out her pussy or something?”

“This is why women hate our whole gender by the way. No, jackass, but she might as well. She is soft and passionate and beautiful and...vocal. Everytime I think I’m in control she does something to put me in my place. It’s wild. She’s fuckin wild.” He sighed collapsing back against the couch. “God, she’s perfect, man.”

Sure, he missed her. He always missed her. But, he also just appreciated everything about her. And talking about their love life wasn’t out of disrespect at all. It was more like bragging out of love for everything that they were together. And also because when it came to sex...they were kind of incredibly good at it.

“You two fuck like bunny rabbits. I’d almost be impressed if it wasn’t a complete inconvenience ninety nine percent of the time.”

Shawn rolled his eyes. “How is our love making an inconvenience to you, oh poor wonderful Brian?!”

“Oh don’t even get me started! Exhibit A, you invite all of us over to your apartment for a party in December. We’re supposed to get incredibly hammered and play mario kart. Not even forty-five minutes into the damn thing, you two assholes disappear into the bedroom, WITH the game system I might add, with the door locked for over an hour. The only reason you even came back out was because y/n wanted more tequila!”

“Hmm...that was a beautiful night. She sounds like a symphony when she cums.” He sighed to himself.

“Gross. Exhibit B! We go to the after party for the billboard awards. It’s supposed to be a good fuckin’ time for everyone--”

“Hey! We had a good fuckin’ time that night! We shared a blunt with Post Malone, Alessia, and fucking Ariana Grande. What could you possibly have to complain about?!”

“Why yes Shawn, that we did. But do you remember what happened after that?” He paused for the briefest of moments before very quickly continuing on. “Y/n for some reason found you smoking to be the hottest thing in the world and decided that she had to have you right then and there. You two left the fucking party and Alessia and I had to uber back to the hotel.”

“Well that is...yea I don’t really have an excuse for that one. Not our best moment. But trust me you didn’t want to be in that car anyway, I ripped her dress that night. It was a bit of a shit show. The only reason the paps didn’t get us was because we penguin waddled inside to hide it.”

“The moral of the story is, as happy as I am that you guys are trying to set an olympic record for fucking, you both suck!”

“You’ve got me there. We both suck...incredibly well I might add.”

He hit him with a pillow and left the room. What are best friends for anyway?

*y/n’s point of view*

“How are things going with Bry?” You asked as Stu worked to pack their bowl.

What better way to celebrate their wonderful friendship date, then ending it with a little weed?

He lit the bowl and took a deep hit, letting it sit in his lungs as he handed it over.

Stu groaned. “They’d be fine if he would get his shit together and propose to me already.”

You took a hit of your own and laughed.

“If you want to marry him so much, why don’t you propose?”

“I’m the one who asked him out in the first place! I’m the one who single handedly kept our relationship going through college. I told him point blank that he needed to propose and for some reason, five years later I’m still missing a ring on my finger!”

“Do you want me to talk to him? Give him the hint?”

He rolled his eyes. “As wonderful as that sounds, no. I want him to want to be with me. I just want him to take a little initiative ya know?”

You each took another hit of the bowl and leaned against each other and the high took over.

“I get it. You want to feel confident in your future. You wanna know he’s gonna be there when you need him. That’s a valid feeling.” You assured him.

“We’ve just been together for so long. And most of the time we are so good together. We communicate well, we have fun together. I just want to know that we’re both feeling the same things. Sometimes he seems so sure that he just thinks we don’t need to talk about it at all.”

“Damn. I think Shawn and I might be the opposite. I think all he wants is for me to talk more.”

Stu chuckled. “No shit. It took me getting you high in my college dorm for you to even tell me anything even remotely personal about yourself. Shawn’s sappy ass probably thinks it’s like talking to a wall.”

“Very funny asshole. I can’t help it okay? I’m the baby of four kids. By the time I was growing up, no one had time to listen to me whine and complain about shit. Shawn just...he understands all of his emotions so well, and he spends so much of his life reflecting on everything no matter how busy he is. I’m trying though. I know it’s necessary, It’s just hard.”

“Do you think you two will be okay with all the touring?” He asked.

Wasn’t that just the million dollar question? You didn’t know how to explain that when you were together it seemed like you could take on the world, like you could do anything together, but that when you were apart you’d never felt weaker. It all feel so sappy and so high school. Not being able to live on your own and per your own person? You wanted to be better than that. And admitting anything else out loud, even to Stu, shook the very foundation of the persona you were trying to force yourself to be.

“Shawn thinks we will be.” You mumbled.

“I didn’t ask what Shawn thinks. I’m your best friend, you can tell me of all people.”

“It’s just harder when we’re apart. So, I fly into whatever country he’s in and we fuck and we go out to dinner and maybe we get high because that’s all there is when you’re together for two or three days. And it’s not until I come back home that I even realize it. Cause when we’re together, I can’t imagine being anywhere else. I could honestly sit in one of those green rooms and just watch him all day, and I’d be happy. I love him that much. But when I get some distance, when I’m back home I realize just how little there is. How little there will be for the rest of the year. I just...I guess I’m hoping I can hold on. Because when I’m with him? It’s the greatest pleasure I’ve ever known.”

“Holy shit babes...That’s deep. C’mere.”

He wrapped his arm loosely around you. You passed the bowl back and forth a few more times until the world grew fuzzy and calm and you were each happier for it. It was a good way to end the night.

***

It’s four in the afternoon. You have a meeting in fifteen minutes to go over revenue for the department. These meetings always made you super anxious. You were the only female senior executive, so any conversation you had about revenue was always in a room full of men. It didn’t help that a lot of the assholes in the office didn’t like the way you were offered the job and definitely held a grudge. You were always dead set on having the best numbers, so no one could say shit. Your stomach was tied up in knots and you just wanted to get it over with, so you could go home and drink a glass--or three--of wine. You’d been stressed about it all week, and it only made it worse that you had started sleeping in Shawn’s apartment because the smell of his sheets was sometimes the only thing that could lull you into sleep only for the smell to eventually fade away. There was tension in your neck and in your shoulders from the tossing and turning, and you just needed the week to be over.

Your phone started to vibrate on your desk and you almost chucked it at the wall. When you saw that it was Shawn wanting to facetime you honestly weren’t sure if that made it better or worse. But, Shawn tended to get anxious when you didn’t answer, so you took a deep breath and opened the phone.

“Babe!” He smiled immediately as his image came slowly into focus.

He must’ve been walking somewhere with the team cause he wasn’t looking at his phone right away. You didn’t really have time for this.

“Hey Shawn. Look, what is it? I’m uh I’m kinda busy.”

“Wait just one sec.” He scrambled a little with the phone before he was finally staring at you, wild curls and beautiful brown eyes to boot. “What’s wrong? You sound stressed.”

“I am stressed. I have a meeting in ten, Shawn; what can I do for you?”

He frowned. “I don’t need you to do anything for me. I just wanted to see you. Hey Jake, I’m gonna go sit for a minute alone alright? I’ll be back.”

“No, Shawn don’t--” But he was already walking away from the group.

“What’s going on, right now? Talk to me.”

Your initial instinct was to tell him nothing was going on, that you didn’t want to talk, you just wanted to muscle through. But you couldn’t help but remember your conversation with Stu a few days ago. It felt hypocritical to say you were trying to communicate if every time your boyfriend asked you to communicate you shut down.

You closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger.

“I have a meeting, okay? That’s all” You mumbled feeling like an incessant toddler.

He nodded. “Okay, you have a meeting. You’ve told me that. You’ve got a meeting that’s stressing you out. You look flustered. What else is going on?”

“Nothing else is going on. I’m just really stressed at the moment.”

He sighed. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to fight me on this. I only want to help you. You’re breathing is uneven. Are you feeling anxious right now?”

“I--I don’t know. Yea, sure, I feel anxious.”

“How long have you felt anxious, honey?”

“Shawn, what the hell does this have to do with anything?!” you snapped the irritation getting to you.

“I think you might be having an anxiety attack. Try and take a deep breath with me. I know you’re feeling upset, but let’s just breathe for a little bit.”

“An anxiety attack? Shawn what--”

“Hush. Just fucking listen to me okay?”

You stumbled into silence and watched as your boyfriend did his best to calm you down. He had you lean the phone against your desk so that you could place one hand over your stomach and the other over your heart. He had you use your stomach as a guide to let your lungs fill with air, breathing slowly and letting the tension in your back and neck to ease out. His voice was low, calm, and incredibly soothing in your ear. You may have offered him comfort before, but this was something new entirely. At least Shawn could tell when he needed help. You were so delusional about your own wellbeing that you hadn’t even been aware you needed it. It wasn’t until you felt your heart rate calm and your shoulders drop that you felt infinitely better. With this relief came a rather odd rush of sadness that left you crying in the middle of your office in broad daylight.

“Hey,” He cooed face moving closer to his screen. “Why are you crying, y/n?”

“I don’t even fucking know.” You sighed trying to catch the tears before they fall. “I really thought I was fine, Shawn. I thought I was okay.”

“That’s alright. That’s why I’m here. To catch the things you let slip. You do the exact same thing for me all of this time. It’s okay to lean on me once in a while, you know?”

You nodded softly with a sniffle. “I really do have to go to my meeting though.”

“Go. Call me when you get home from work okay? Take a shower, relax a little bit. I’m a few hours ahead of you here, but just call and I’ll be there. We can talk through it.”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll do that.” You mumbled.

“You’re gonna do great, sweetie. I love you so much, okay?”

“I love you too. I’ll talk to you later.”

*four hours later*

“Is that my bed?” Shawn asked leaning back with an arm behind his head with abs on full display.

Ugh.

You nodded. “I’ve been sleeping here a little better lately...Is that okay?”

“Yea! Of course it is. Nothing makes me happier than you sleeping there. That spaces is yours too. That’s why I gave you the key to begin with.”

“Okay.” You murmured not being able to hide the smile that his words brought to your face. “You could probably send me a sweatshirt or something that you’ve worn recently though. The sheets hardly even smell like you anymore.”

He grinned. “I’d love to sweetheart. It’s just that by the time something could get to you from Amsterdam, I think you might actually have already flown to Amsterdam. I’ll be sure to send you back with plenty of material.”

“Good.”

“So...you ready to talk about it?”

“Ugh, I am surprised you're not a licensed therapist with how much you want me to talk about my feelings.” you whined. “How did you even know it was an anxiety attack?”

“I just remembered when I was going through my panic attacks at first, that I didn’t even know what they were called. The doctor said these two words, panic attack and anxiety attack, and I didn’t really know the difference. They sort of sound the same. But you know how like when it gets really bad for me it’s like...super quick? Like one second I’m just thinking about something bad and then the next I can’t see my way out of it?”

“Yea. That’s usually when we start breathing together.”

He smiled. “Exactly. I guess anxiety attacks can be a little slower. My doctor said they can actually happen over a period of days. It’s what makes them harder to detect, but it can also make them much harder on the body. It’s like thinking about something until it consumes you. Not being able to sleep, irritability--even at very lovable and cuddly boyfriends, muscle tension. You seemed to check a lot of boxes, honey.”

“I’m sure loveable and cuddly boyfriends was right in the symptom description, aye?”

“You’re deflecting.”

“You’re digging.”

“I am trying to take an ounce of burden off your back, and you are making it incredibly difficult.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath telling yourself to stop being such a little bitch. He was there. He wasn’t going to leave. You could trust him.

“It’s okay to talk to me, y/n. I’m not going to hurt you.” He murmured.

You groaned. “I know. I know.”

“It’s just that...if it were anyone else I’d say that you should find someone to talk to, anyone to talk to but I . . .I’m supposed to be your person. You’re my person and I just--I don’t know y/n, how do I help you through this if you won’t let me?”

“I’m trying Shawn. I swear I am.”

“Hey I know. And I’m trying to be understanding of how hard it is for you. But, I’m also trying to help. I’m gonna need you to at least meet me halfway.”

You nodded sullenly, fingers bunching up in the blankets at the thought of failing him, of not being able to be what he needed.

Shawn sighed. “It’s uh...it’s getting pretty late here. Let’s just talk tomorrow, yea?”

You peered at him through the phone unable to discern how deep of a situation this was from halfway across the world.

“Are you angry with me?”

“N--No. Honey, I’m not angry. I’m just...tired. I’ll call you when it’s morning for you okay?”

“Okay. I love you, Shawn.”

“I love you too. Get some sleep.”

That was certainly easier said than done.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

He’s in the middle of a meeting when his phone starts to buzz on the table. And he can’t help but reach for it just in case it’s y/n. It is.

y/n: so I couldn’t sleep last night. Surprise. And I just kept thinking about everything that you said, and it made feel really shitty.

y/n: not to say that you made me feel shitty just that that’s how I was feeling

y/n: anyway. I couldn’t sleep, so I tried to think about how I feel and I tried to write it down. I thought I could share it with you. Idk if it’ll help at all I just don’t want to keep letting you down.

y/n: so check your email if you have time. I love you. K. Bye.

And of course the rest of his meeting is absolutely useless. Of course all he can think about is her, about what she might be thinking, about what she might be feeling. And there’s a much bigger part of him than he’d like to admit, that’s wants nothing more than to fly home and cuddle the hell out of her until she gets some rest. The distance between the two of them felt heavier than ever.

“You’ve got forty-five minutes for lunch. Then we’re at the venue for run throughs. Final creative meeting for tour outfits after okay?” Andrew ordered.

Shawn nodded already in search of his laptop.

“Can you have Jake bring me something for the drive? I’m not gonna have time for anything else.”

“Why not?”

“Something is wrong with y/n. I need to check in okay?”

He was so unwilling to focus on anything other than y/n that if Andrew had anything else to say, he didn’t notice. He set up his laptop and found a space to sit in the quiet and read.

So...This is weird. I haven’t written anything like this since my diary in the eighth grade. I just um am tired a lot lately. I don’t think it’s work because I love what I do so much. I guess that’s not great either because I just keep working even when I’m exhausted. And it’s not you. Jesus, it most certainly is not you. I keep thinking that my love for is going to plateau or something, but it never does. It just keeps growing infinitely. I’m not sure if it’s the distance between us at the moment. When I first got home it actually felt good to get back into my routine. I think it’s not until I can’t sleep that I roll over and see you aren’t there that it hits me. It’d just so odd for me Shawn. I want to hold you and talk to you and I can’t because you’re not here. And there isn’t anything that either of us can do about it. I’m not used to there not being a solution. I’ve always been so good at solving things, that now that I can’t I feel like a waste of space. And I know that if I told you you’d tell me to call you but you’re six hours ahead of me right now. Everytime we talk it feels like I’m keeping you from something more important, and I don’t want to do that. I want you to be happy and to tour and have all the success in the world. I think also, and this is just me being honest with myself, even with the people I’ve loved most in my life I haven’t always had my needs prioritized.  My mom. My brothers. My dad. So I really try to take care of myself and prioritize myself. I never learned how to let someone else do it for me, because every time I tried I got let down. Your so endlessly kind to me. And you love me like i’ve never been loved before. Me not letting you in when I’m struggling is not malicious it’s just innate. I’m trying to unlearn these things and it’s much harder to do when I don’t even realize that I’m doing them. I’m sorry if I upset you. I’m sorry that you stayed up for me last night only to be disappointed. You mean more to me than a hundred of these pages could explain. I know I keep asking for time, for some leeway, and maybe your getting sick of that. I guess I’m sorry for that too. I promise you it’ll be different, if you let me try. I want to try. I love you enough to do that for us.

He sits with it for a while. There’s a feeling in his chest that he’s never had with y/n before and then there’s another feeling into response to it. He gets out the app on his phone and meditates for a while because he just doesn’t know what it is at first. And it isn’t until after he’s breathed for twenty minutes and they’re in the car on the way to his next meeting that he gets this overwhelming wave of deja vu. It’s so visceral that he feels himself become sixteen again. He watches himself get off the plan in Toronto and drive to his first girlfriend’s house. He watches him explain to her that he’s got to go away and live his dream, and that them being together is only going to hurt her, that it would kill him to keep hurting her. This idea that...it doesn’t matter how much we love each other, it’s never gonna matter, because all I’m ever gonna do it hurt you. And if I love you, if I truly and genuinely love you, then isn’t the greatest act of love I could ever show you to let you go?

It fills him with anger. Anger because this was meant to be different. In hindsight it makes him feel like a child who had been shouting at the top of his lungs that he knew something that he so clearly didn’t. Maybe Andrew was right. Maybe Brian had gotten annoyed for a legitimate reason. Maybe their love wasn’t what he thought it was. Or, even worse, maybe there love was everything it felt like. Maybe it was larger than the two of them, maybe it was complex and beautiful and wonderful. But, maybe that only meant it would consume them in the end.

After that there’s nothing but sorrow. Because his thread, his being, his life was so deeply intertwined with her’s that he could see no way out, couldn’t imagine not being with her.

For the first time in a long time he was completely at a loss. And it seemed as though he had opened up a can of worms that was only going to hurt them in the end. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Taglist: @kitykatnumber @lou-and-me​ @ourlittleshawnie @mutuallynotmutual @wanderingmendes @peacedolantwins2 @chels-nyc @justbeingoceana  @hayyitsfayy​ @claredolphinbear24​  @september-lace  @literallyshawn @mchutchmendes @liliane106 @iloveshawnieboi @samwillllson @illloveyouforever1 @grittyisaho 

#shawn mendes #Shawn mendes fanfic #Shawn mendes fic #Shawn mendes fanfiction #Shawn mendes fluff #Shawn mendes angst #Shawn mendes au #Shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes smut #Shawn mendes series #Shawn mendes blurb #Shawn mendes x you #Shawn mendes x y/n #Shawn mendes x reader #Shawn mendes x fat reader #Shawn mendes x thick reader #neighbors fic

[ecotone99]

The Other Side Of Summer Ch 1 [RF] [TH] [RO]

Authors note:

Hey all ! This is actually part of a much larger 12 chapter short story I wrote about a year ago. It was never meant to see the light of the day and may never outside of Reddit. While it begins as a slice of life style piece I assure you it does not remain as such forever. If you are a fan of modern thrillers this may be the story to you. If there is an interest in the rest of the chapters going forward I would love to hear from you all! And please, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, just keep it civil. Dm's are open to any and all who have things to say! Thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this questionably rough piece. (formatting is likely awful on account of lack of Reddit knowledge. apologies in advance.)

Chapter 1 - Samuel Cooper: Sex God

By all accounts the summer of 94’ was a god damn roller-coaster, and not one of the sturdy ones either. Just picture the old, shitty, wooden roller coasters that used to have a good chance of decapitating random passengers and you should begin to get a general sense of how things went. You see my hometown of Summer, PA had undergone the same unchanging cycle of existence since its founding back in 1927. For the majority of the year the town was no more exciting then an old decrepit graveyard, filled with a variety of skeletons, closeted or otherwise. Though as the slow heat of May began to grow more oppressive, and the ring of boat horns echoed their shrill cries across the murky waters of Lake Watauga, An unstable sense of freedom made itself known. it was the children who noticed first, taking flight from the old brick and mortar school buildings with untied shoes and false promises of “don't worry, I won't talk to strangers” which usually lasted until the jingle of the ice cream truck could be heard vibrating through the potholes that riddled twisting roads thrice paved over and then finally given up on.

As June rolled around the heat settled in, finding its place amongst the house parties that stood as beacons of debauchery against the inky backdrop of passionate summer nights. Drugs, Alcohol, Sex; anyone who grew up in Summer was familiar with at least one of the three personally or otherwise. Parents ignored it, teenagers craved it and so the twisted dynamic of life myself and the rest of my peers reveled in was left to continue on.

I had just finished my Junior year of highschool and the prospect of nearing what many viewed as “the beginning of the end” of my current chapter in life hadn't quite hooked its adult sized claws into my juvenile mind just yet. The oppressive rays of the summer sun kept me young and stupid, leaving me and my best friend Samuel Cooper more focused on the prospect of which party we were going to get smashed at that night instead of on things that actually mattered like college applications.

Sam was a tall, lanky boy of 17 who’s greatest aspiration at that point in his life was “getting ass” more so than anything else. This prospect being doubled each summer we spent together roaming the venues that the streets of our town had to offer. I met Sam way back in the first grade and, after a short disagreement over a yellow tonka dump truck which involved the throwing of various sized lego blocks at one another until our teacher Mrs. Lambert, had to forcibly intervene, we became inseparable.

And while I myself was not as personally preoccupied with the prospect of “getting ass” as Sam was, the idea of women was still new and exciting enough for me to play along with his bullshit.

So it was that we found ourselves pacing the charred blacktop of one of Summer's pockmarked back-roads, throwing errant stones and shooting the shit as we usually did

“ No dude I swear!” Sam exclaimed as the gumball sized pebble left his hand and collided with an old maple tree to our left “They're putting in a Wawa right next to Mrs. Thompson's bakery”

“Yea…..no, I'm calling bullshit on that one man” I retorted, casting him a sidelong glance as I leaned down to retrieve my own palmful of ammunition “Mrs. Thompson is like 900 years old, you really think that old hag is gonna let them move in next door without cursing them or something?” I heard his exasperated sigh before I felt the punch connect with my shoulder.

“What?!” My voice broke the momentary silence as I stared at him incredulously. His deadpan look transitioned into one of a cynical glee as our eyes met and a smile curved its way across his cracked lips

“ you’re just jealous i'll be closer to Wawa then you shithead” Silence filled the space between us as I fought to stifle my laughter,

“Have you ever even been to a Wawa before? it's just an over-hyped gas station that has super big hot dogs” Sam was silent for about thirty seconds before a forlorn noise escaped his mouth and a simple drudging “No” flopped out after it.

Our path carried the two of us to rest under a set of twin oak trees settled just a ways into the field that marked the edge of Summers western Border. By this point in the afternoon we had forgotten all about our previous topic of contention and had instead moved on to complaining about the ever present heat.

“If it's like this all summer I honestly may just drown myself in the lake” I groaned

“eh, not the worst idea you've ever had not gonna lie, might have to join you in that endeavor” The sound of Sams words were nearly drowned out by the buzzing of cicadas making their presence known to virtually anyone with ears.

The shade cast by the twin oaks above us did little to stifle the sun and as time crawled on I found myself nearly driven to the brink of insanity by the droplets of sweat that had begun to cascade down my back and puddle at the waistband of my shorts

“Okay, fuck this, What do you say we head down to the lake and try to cool off?” I offered, hoping that Sam would bite. His response came without hesitation as he struggled to stand up, using the trunk of our temporary shelter as support.

“Given that the prospect of getting ass is pretty high, count me in.”

By the time we had trudged our way through the backstreets of town and hopped the necessary fences to reach one of the many banks of lake Watauga, Summers typical brand of debauchery had already begun in earnest. The screams and squeals of intoxicated teenagers filtered through our ears long before we had pushed through the treeline that stood as the verdant gateway to brown sugar beach. This particular stretch of sand was known for being one of the best kept secrets in town, so naturally, everyone knew about.

Before my feet had even touched the sand Sam was wriggling out of his sweat drenched shirt, cherry red rays painting his pale, pock marked skin the color of what was shaping up to be a night well spent.

“C'mon loser, salvation awaits!” Sam made a grand sweeping gesture with his hand towards the waters of the lake and held the position for a full ten seconds before taking off, kicking course sand into my down turned face as he went.

It took me a while to find a place to settle our personal belongings, but after the hollowed out hole of a tree stump had been stuffed with our two sweaty shirts and a fair amount of loose dollar bills I set out to find Sam. It had only been a few minutes since he had taken off but the steadily growing crowd on both the beach and in the water was making it hard to find him. So, as is the case with most teenage boys worried about drawing attention to themselves in a crowd of people, I wandered around eyes cast downwards, praying that I wouldn't bump into anyone better looking than me. As luck would have it, I managed to find Sam relatively early on. He had a red solo cup in his left hand whilst his right was draped over the shoulder of a smaller boy who I recognized as Ben Wenninger.

Ben was a couple years younger than us and judging by the white t shirt stretched tightly over his gut, was about as self conscious as a kid who hadn’t gone through puberty yet on a beach filled with half naked teenage girls would be. I was about to tell Sam to let go of him but before I could get the words out I was greeted to a hand in my face

“Listen Ben..” Sams words were packed full with starry eyed enthusiasm “Today may very well end up being the best you've experienced in your short life, I mean just look around!” a number of people had to jump out of the way as Sam spun the pair so that they were facing the crowded waters a couple of feet down the sandy embankment, The hand that was holding the red solo cup with god knows what in it spilling a few drops of dark brown liquid onto my chest as it whirled by, miraculously held in Sams grip

“You see that down there?” Sam half shouted half whispered.

“Uhh yeah?” Ben's timid voice was nearly imperceptible over the bustle of the crowd.

“That's Infinite possibility my man! Ass for miles!” This time the red solo cup did go flying, as Sam threw both his arms up in a triumphant gesture. Causing whoever I presumed to be the one hit by Sams unintentional projectile to yell out in surprise.

“Ew! What the Fuck!?” the voice was female and resonated from somewhere to the left of us, deeper in the crowd. I made eye contact with Ben, matching his furrowed brow and pleading eyes with a shoulder shrug of my own. Peering through the crowd, I could barely make out the disgruntled features of none other than Megan Kelly, Summers self proclaimed “most popular girl” and Sam's hopeless crush since the Sixth grade. Somehow the red solo cup had managed to land on the messy bun she had her hair tied up in, staining her usual fiery red a dark shade of sewage brown, the cups contents stopping only momentarily to drip down her nose and onto her chest before continuing to the ground below. Grabbing a random towel from the ground, and shaking the sand that clung to it with a flourish, Sam began to strut his way over to Megan.

“My bad babe, let me clean you up!” Sam's voice echoed high above the crowd and caught the attention of everyone within the general vicinity causing curious heads to turn towards the source of the commotion. All I could do was watch and hope that whatever was about to happen ended with minimal damage to Sam and whatever dignity he had left. By this point Sam had nearly made it to Megan, parting the crowd as he went and Ben had made his way to my side, our gazes breaking from the ensuing chaos for just a second to exchange mutual glances of “holy shit”. Wiping the liquid out of her eyes with the back of her hand and fixing her face with a scowl that would have sent Summers resident Creepers running for the hills, Megan turned to face Sam who seemed oblivious to the hush that had now fallen over the crowd.

“Your Knight in shining armor has arri-” Sam's proclamation was cut short as the whip crack of skin on skin contact broke the bated stillness of the balmy twilight air.

“No, no, no! Don't you even think about saying another word!” Megan withdrew her hand and placed it on her hip, a wild look in her eyes.

“Who the hell does a loser like you even think you are? I'm not your “babe” I barely fucking know you!” I could see Sam struggling to find the appropriate words to remedy the situation but Megan was already too far gone. Taking a red solo cup from the hand of a random girl standing next to her, she marched up to Sam and tossed its contents into his face without a moment's hesitation. The crowd erupted in laughter as Megan turned on her sand caked heal and stormed off, her possy of friends flocking behind her, each one of them shooting a sneer in Sams direction before disappearing into the rippling line of onlookers.

I waited until I heard the drone of conversation pick back up before approaching Sam, Ben keeping his place beside me as we struggled to push our way through the crowd.

“I have to say, not one of your brightest moves. E for effort though.” I let my hand fall to rest on his sticky shoulder and shot him a shit eating grin. Sam said nothing as he turned to face me and for a moment I was worried I had said too much, though as I watched a small knowing smirk creep its way across his lips any doubts faded into the background, lost behind the heavy bass of scattered boomboxes that littered the beach.

“She's just playing hard to get, I am irresistible after all.” Sam flexed his nearly non existent bicep and kissed it for effect causing a groan of disgust to tear its way from my throat.

“If by irresistible you mean unbearable, then sure” Ben teased. I had nearly forgotten that he was right beside me.

“ You better be careful there, Wenninger. or I may have to Motorboat those sweet little boy titties of yours.” I watched as a look of fear wash over Ben's previously triumphant features, only to immediately be replaced by one of sheer relief at Sams next words

“Don't worry kid i'm only fucking with you” his gaze drifted from the now dried liquor stains on his chest towards the Choppy waters of the lake only a couple feet from us “ On a more serious note though… last one to the water is a little bitch” and with that he was gone, leaving Ben and I struggling to catch up.

The sun was no more than a bloody, quarter circle on the horizon, by the time we had convinced Ben to tell us about a secret piece of information he had heard while working a recent afternoon shift at his father's butchery.

“You promise that you guys won't say anything right? I don't want Ryan Green and his band of assholes to beat me up again.” Sam and I shared a look with one another before turning back to Ben's shadowed form and extending our hands respectively

“I Promise” Ben's pruney hand met my own, nearly disappearing within the palm of my grasp.

“This had better be good kid” Sam repeated the gesture in kind sealing our deal. Ben looked around nervously for a moment, Waiting till a random group of splashing teenagers had passed before lowering his voice to just above a whisper and beginning his story.

“Okay, So last week, like right after school got out for the summer, I heard some noise outside the back of my dad's shop. I know I probably should have just minded my own business but we have been having problems with raccoons getting into our trash recently an-” Ben paused and adjusted his sopping t-shirt

“Anyways, as I got closer to the back door I started hearing voices, like lots of them. Some were familiar and some weren’t, but the one that stood out the most was Ryan Greens.” I watched as a shiver ran down Ben's spine causing him to sink a little deeper into the inky waters of the lake.

“They were talking about all sorts of things, you know? bouncing from one topic to the next, but then Ryan got all quiet and made everyone gather closer around. He started talking about the new family that moved to Summer recently, mostly about the daughter though. Apparently she's done all this crazy shit and has slept with a bunch of boys.”

“Sounds like my kind of girl” Sam chimed in

“Haven't you already done enough damage today? Fucks sake man give it a rest.” I snapped, shaking my head in his direction.

Ignoring my outburst, Sam continued on.

“So,what's her name Wenninger ? or did you bitch out and run away before you could hear?” Ben just rolled his eyes and splashed a handful of water towards Sam,

**“**I don't know..I mean that's pretty much all I heard, or all they said anyways, despite the usual shit.” I tried not to make my interest in the story too noticeable but nerves got the best of me.

“Oh c'mon you don't know anything else, not even what she looks like, or where she hangs out?” I questioned. Ben just shrugged his shoulders and shook his head in a kind of “Sorry to say” motion before standing up straighter and tightening his face

“Just..She sounds like a piece of work guys, Be careful… please? You really are the only people in this town who treat me halfway decent so it would suck having you get killed or some crazy shit like that.”

“Killed?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow

“Well we don't know anything about her family, and her dad is creepy as hell. I've only seen him once when he came in to buy something from the store and trust me, once is enough.” Ben look flustered and I could tell our constant questions were starting to get to him.

“Hey, look man” I placed a hand on his shoulder and shot him a smile “Thanks for looking out, Your pretty cool you know that?”

“R-really?” His eyes lit up as he struggled to contain his excitement

“For sure kid, you got some balls standing up to a sex god like me” Sam teased, throwing his arms to rest behind his head. Ben and I shot each other a look and burst out laughing.

“What's so funny, huh?! The both of you are total dick heads.” Sam's voice wobbled as he struggled to contain his own laughter, the absurdness of the situation seemingly far too much for even the sex god himself.

“Nothing Nothing, it's just, you should go tell Megan that, i'm sure she'd love it” My stomach was beginning to hurt and tears were pooling at the corner of my eyes.

“Oh oh! and make sure you call her babe a bunch” Ben piped in finding himself in a similar predicament as myself.

“Yea yea yea laugh it up, the both of you” By this point we were all lost to the slowly developing nature of each other's company and found it difficult to regain our composure for the better part of fifteen minutes, taking turns ripping on one another as twilight slowly suffocated the last remnants of the setting sun.

“Alright guys I think I'm gonna get going for the night” my eyes drifted back towards the darkened tree line and then to the dim lights of the town just beyond that.

“Same time tomorrow?” Sam's voice followed me as I moved to turn around.

“I wish but I got work tomorrow man, maybe you and Ben could stop by while im on shift, Keep me from dying of boredom?” I heard both of them laugh from behind me as my toes worked their way through the damp sand

“You got it boss, have a good night!” Sam shouted. I threw my hand up in half assed acknowledgement and began the trek back towards the tree stump that sheltered mine and Sam's belongings.

The walk back into town was a short one, My mind far too preoccupied with the days events to worry about the darkness of the woods surrounding me. As the orange glow of Mainstreet came into view my stomach made its proclamation of hunger well known. The only place still open was Gumbo’s, Summers Local ice cream parlor. Its red neon sign had stood as a calling card to children and teenagers alike for as long as anyone who called Summer home could remember. Unsurprisingly the outdoor veranda was packed full of people, a majority of whom I recognized from the beach earlier that day as well as a few new faces. Megan Kelly stood surrounded by a flock of her friends complaining loudly about “Some creepy loser on the beach” with one hand on her hip and the other holding a chocolate soft serve ice cream cone. I did my best to avoid drawing her attention and swung a wide circle around the group, eventually making my way through the tightly packed crowd of people and towards the back of the line. One of the reasons Gumbo’s was so renowned was partly due to its quick service and tonight was no different, Within five minutes I had received my strawberry soft serve cone and was making my way towards home desperately trying to lick it faster then the timid heat of the evening was melting it. The golden glow of the streetlights offset the cool purples and blacks that swirled in the night sky overhead and I found my mind beginning to wander once more.

“Hey, You.” I nearly dropped my ice cream cone as a voice ahead of me broke my stupor. Casting my gaze upwards I could just barely make out a shadowed figure just a few feet away from me.

“U-uh yea?” I found it hard to find my voice, the words creaking out like a rusty hinge on a hundred year old door.

“Was hoping you could point me towards Gumbo’s, awfully hot out tonight.”

“Oh, uh yea its just back that way” I jammed my thumb over my shoulder and tried not to sound as nervous as I felt.

“You mind?” my jaw nearly hit the ground as she stepped out of the light and whisked the ice cream cone out of my hand, Eyes never breaking contact with mine as she ran her tongue up the side of the cone and towards the drooping swirl at the top of the sugary pink confection. I had no idea what to do so I simply stood dumbfounded, wrestling with intense emotions of confusion and what I thought logically to be arousal, though fear also seemed applicable given the brazenly bizarre nature of the situation.

“Thanks” such a simple phrase, though in her case it was anything but. “Just wanted to know what I was getting myself into”

“Um sure, n- no problem” I was frozen in place, barely able to turn around as she walked past me letting the ice cream cone fall to the concrete below, Red, high top converse carrying her with a confidence that scared the hell out of me in the way only a teenage girl could. I desperately wanted to say something but as she turned back around to face me, glossed lips curling up into a teasing smile, My brain blanked.

“What's your name?” Fuck, for the life of me I couldn't remember. The look that she was giving me not making it any easier to recollect.

“Noah!” It sounded right coming out of my mouth, though In the moment I had no way of being sure. She paused for a second as if weighing its worth, slender fingers errantly twirling their way through curly blonde hair.

“Nice.”

I had no time to question what the hell she meant as the next second she was turned back around, sauntering in the direction of the Gumbo’s, whisking away any chance at an answer into the night.

submitted by /u/iylason [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/30wkjuj

#Blogger #Story

[survivorwakea]

Episode #1: “To make a long mother fucking story short, i’m fucked.” - Zack

This game starts in four minutes.....

I have to pee, I want an idol and I'm about to have a mental breakdown

I feel attacked, Mark the Chicken wasn't the player represented for me in reveal 

-_-

This game has more crackheads in it than a Seattle alleyway.

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As the straightest male in this cast I feel like I need to share this beauty❤️ https://youtu.be/wyJdCFbqor4

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Randy and Bodhi haven’t done SHIT. It looks like me Jared and Anabel are gonna carry this tribe huh.

Chloe is one my tribe! <3! I'm finally in a game with Anabel again which is cool! Johnny is Alyssa bf so I recognized him immediately. I played with Cullan in tumblr Survivor: Kuwait (as it comes to mind Johnny hosted that), Elmo a legend I get to play with :) (I hope I interact with him). Ian I just met he's cool. God Dammit Peter Griffin (Adam) is in this game (I am not looking forward to when he learns I call him that).

________________________________________________________________

As I previously mentioned playing with Chloe again is lit! I'm talking to Asya right now and she seems cool. Dean is Australian I love me some Australians (insert heart eyes emoji). Who's Julia?

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What the fuck we already have a challenge! Shit's insane! We only just got here!

Night 1: Alright so I had a really late start to the party but that’s okay because I made sure that I spoke with everybody on my tribe, I honestly like my tribe.... for the most part and I say that because this cast is JUST so ICONIC and that makes me scared or more so intimidated. I’m hoping somehow that I can continue to bond with everybody on my tribe and be able to be in the in when tribal comes around or IF Tribal comes around.  So who is on my tribe?

Elmo!! He is somebody that I have seen around the Facebook community and more importantly I often see him being loved and people speaking highly about him and honestly I can’t blame them he is such a nice dude in the short little time that we were able to chat. I hope that at the last I will be able to speak with him more and maybe...? Try and figure out a way to work together but I don’t want to rush into things with him as idk how he plays just yet.

Zack! A very very familiar face someone that I have actually played with before! We were tribe mates in 703 MDaro and it’s fair to say that at one point we were actually working together but one event turned to another and next thing you know I’m on the jury 😂😂. I always enjoyed talking with Zack back then and I hope that we can pick up where we somewhat left off at least with the getting along part!

Ian! I’m just unsure as to what to say about him and say that because I have seen him around but I have also not heard much about him, I’m unsure if he is new to orgs or even just not that good placement wise?? But besides all that I want to get to know him so I will spend my time getting to know him just like Big Ben

Ben!! Who’s Ben?? No clue!!! I love that I don’t know who this is and I love meeting somebody without any pre-thoughts just based on seeing someone around. Will see what he’s about... This cast also has Anabel she’s a sweetie I played with her when I was first out in UK Bb but she was a friend

hiii!!!!!! omg im so glad that miss anna jane asked me to play this! she's been asking me every season but i just kept pushing it off because i have no idea how to use discord! but fuck it, i guess i'll learn! since the game just started, i guess i'll just do like a cast assessment? i don't know everyone in this game so it'll be only the people i actually know and my past experiences with them before i can actually talk to everyone else and make new experiences with everyone!

justin. i LOVE justin! i've never played a game with him, but i've seen him play. and i know he's an absolute crackhead but i also know how serious he takes the games he plays, since he doesn't play that many! we use to HATE each other but i actually consider justin one of my good online friends. we've known eachother for YEARS. this is gonna either be really good or a total fucking shit show for me.. i'll be looking out for him if we ever wind up on the same tribe/ merge together, ONLY if he will be doing the same. don't get it twisted... i'll snap his skinny ass breadstick legs in half if it's what has to be done. but i don't want that to happen so.....

asya. i personally don't even know asya. i just know we got into an argument a few weeks ago in a vl. but hopefully this doesn't effect her view on me and hopefully she doesn't even remember kJSFKGJSG....

julia. jesus CHRISSSSST.. i'm part of old school tumblr and i dipped from that bitch like 2 years ago so i'm hoping these 'tumblr' people don't remember me. all i remember about julia is that she's an actual WITCH and we've gotten into fights before. she's such a odd personality and we just don't mesh well together from what i remember. i have no interest in even talking to her honestly.

chloe. i LOVE chloe omggggggg. she's deff someone i know from other games and just from talking too. i have all the hope in the world that we'll wind up together soon and be able to work together. no bad words for her <3

randy. i gasped when i saw randy KLJDSGKLJSG... he's an absolute fucking mess but i live for it.. he's so funny and we have a past together. we've known each other for years, but never really been close, you know? hopefully this game can bring us closer together and we can wind up running shit, if it comes to that. fun fact: i met randy irl once so there's that...

bodhi. ugh i know i played a tumblr survivor season with him and i don't remember if we got along or not LKJHDSGKLJHG. i remember he is a complete mess tho... i actually just checked the tumblr wiki and the tumblr survivor game we played together was called "cutthroat" so.. this should be fun. also on his vote out, he voted for me. so i'm assuming we didn't get along. but if he wants to play cutthroat, we can surely do that! i winded up staying and he winded up leaving when he tried to vote me out so we can surely do a round 2 of that bitch.

jared. u g h! not 1 good experience i have with jared. he's dating nicole g and me and her have NEVER seen eye to eye. we would constantly fight and it would get so ugly. i've fought with jared and... it was just a mess.. i know this is gonna cause a problem for me and he's probably the one person i was least happy to see.... pray for me.

adam. played a facebook org with him and fought him in it and then contunued to fight with him in the reunion chat... ugh.

elmo. so happy i finally get to play with him! i've never even talked to him before but he's ALREADY my favorite person here!!!! i really hope we can run shit together thru this whole entire game... i have high hopes for us.

so there it is! to make a long mother fucking story short, i'm fucked.

currently looking back at the idol systems of other seasons and they've all gone up pretty fast, and i don't see much of a pattern. I might have to assume there's no idol system just yet.

Bonding with my tribe and trying to figure out what videos I’m doing. So far I like Elmo and Zach but the other 2 boys seem cool as well

there are no idols yet and im convulsing i NEED one

i have a 70% success rate in finding idols in survivor games and i need one i also have a 78% win percentage for tribal immunity challenges in main seasons of tumblr survivor, so cullan is high key about to tank my tribal winning DOMINANCE but i'll wait

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okay so yea like honestly,,,,,,,,, game starting wooo cool

i know a shit ton of people on other tribes which kinda scares me because there are two people on THIS tribe that i dont know a whole lot, but one of them definitely knows about a good amount of my prior connections as well.

justin watched me just play big brother pokemon and hopefully i can keep playing off that i played a very loyal game or somethin like that... what i DO know is that basically taylor, justin and i are the most active on my tribe, which is pretty darn cool considering the two other people on my tribe (cullan and lily) are people i know and have prior relationships with

im just getting nervous because going into a game with 4 tribes of 5, we're prob going to swap at 18, and if we lose one of those challenges, it just shoves us at a disadvantage because like...... the entire point of the premerge is to build relationships with enough people to get to the merge, and everyone has four other active people to get to know, and I really really REALLY wanted to win the first two immunities so we would be able to have a stronger game standpoint for ourselves going into a swap or whatnot, and just having more relationships overall, but with cullan not being around for the first 24 hours of the game really hurts him, and our entire tribe.... like if we lose, and he does nothing, he 100% has to get voted for, we have no choice in that matter, even thoguh i probably would've loved to work with him, i know he knows what he's doing, and he would probably be a scarier player down the road who would be utr, and my motto in survivor is always to just keep bigger louder personalities around, so if i consistently keep the social people, i can hopefully get to merge and ATTEMPT to hold that utr role, but i've gotta get to a swap first LMFAO

also like okay so here's the people i know

lily - darling love her never played with her but hosted once or twice, and she knows me and i know her. i love working with women so bring it on

asya - probably one of my five closest friends across all of orgs and we talk almost everyday and i know people are going to know about this because we don't really HIDE IT, and this is now our fourth game together in a year, two of which we worked very closely together, and i know justin knows im close to asya so ugh

jared - met irl three times.. very very very good friends, im also super duper close with nicole and jared and i have a lot in common, but weve played two orgs together and they've been literal disasters for us. while i think this one will be different, you never know

anabel - shes my fucking ANGEL i love her to death and she has a profile on the bbpokemon wiki saying that im her f2 and best friend, so love that?

joey2121 - lol i think him and i are pretty close. i know he values me as a friend and we talk pretty often, and he's never had the opportunity to play with me. i know he can be a little irrationally cutthroat, so im going to have to get a good read on him when we jump in and see how it goes, but i think he adores me and i casted him for his first game ever and cohosted with him his only time he's ever cohosted, so i'd like to think he would want to work with me, i just gotta pray

randy - host chat guested for me, good friend over the years, but we've never been able to REALLY talk, so i hope this does it for us

bodhi - never played with him either hardcore, but weve also been friends over the years so oop him and randy can be big wild cards on how they feel about me tbh

thomas, chloe, cullan - literally just hosted them ALL in an org, but i was kind of a loose host and i hope that makes them want to kinda work with me, but also have their options open when it comes to me idk? cullan is inact tho so he's gotta get his shit together

julia - this witch fucking scares me and i will do no harm to her and i hope that she doesnt hex me and we can be great friends for a long time :)

so YEA

I really want to try to have fun this season. I don't want to take it super seriously to the point where my nerves start getting to the best of me. I just played big brother pokemon, and honestly, i played without the fear of losing, and just went for the juggular to keep myself in the game, and i was never on edge at any point in that game, which i really love for my mental sanity. i know survivor just GETS TO YOU more than big brother does, but i wanna play a bit more care free and just go for some longevity, and play a strong, solid game and make some strong moves.

this is my first real confessional of the season. im very excited to be here and hopefully these long confessionals dont make me look foolish when im the fourth or fifth boot LMAO

if we win the challenge i wouldnt really EXPECT to hear more from me.

i do love my entire tribe, even though THEY dont know Cullan yet, I know that i do, and that's going to be a benefit to me. i've just gotta keep my social relationships up and really really hope that people don't wanna get rid of me until we swap, and then i can start being a little more aggressive with game talk and getting leverage that way?

P.S. Gosh i hope cullan logs on so we dont go to the first tribal bc that would fucking suck

Just made an alliance with Elmo and Zack bc we all think that we are losing and we are the only ones (so far) who have put any effort into the challenge. I'm ready to ride these fat cats as far as their train will take me. Adam did just say in the tribe chat that he's posting all of his at once so maybe he's gonna drop a bomb on us? who knows but I'm preparing myself for all the options.

things are going okay for me i think! I made a F2 deal with Zack yday and I'm rly happy I did bc I need a person I can be completely honest with. I am not sure if he trusts me as much as I do trust him but I hope that he would!!!

I also have the first alliance of the game with him and ben so thats good! I like them both a lot and they seem to put effort in challenges which is rly important right now! I think they are both trustworthy and at least would be here for short term game.

As for Adam and Ian, I like them both but I havent developed any game relationship with them yet, and thats ok. I dont think I should be overplaying right now because I could just be caught and that would be a whole new mess. I really don't want to sound cocky but I genuinely think that I'm in a fairly strong position on our tribe. Of course this is survivor and anything could change but so far so good. I am excited and hopefully I wont flop

Let the games begin, bitches!

So, the immunity challenge is almost over. Good time to start on this. I can honestly say that this has been the craziest first cycle of a season that I’ve ever been a part of. I started the weekend on Cape Cod, having to throw in the beginning of this, and now that the weekend is done and I’m back home, I feel things are righting a bit for me. As for my tribe, I like all four of them so far. I hope we don’t lose this challenge, because I’m getting along with them pretty well. Whew. What a life.

i miss johnny

Omg yesss!!!!!!! We won the first challenge, well technically we came in second but the point is WERE NOT GOING to tribal council, and tbh I would be pooping my pants if we did as I had the fewest amount of points for my tribe so I fear that I would have been perceived as that weakest link and would have been voted off. That might not be true but that was my thoughts. I feel like I have connected really well with Elmo and I kind of get the vibe that he is connected with everyone on the tribe and that is why I think it’s crucial for me to connect with Ian and Zack which I feel like with Ian it’s hard because I don’t know how much he really wants to talk to people but with Zack it just clicks but I feel like on a game level the first Tribal is what will connect us further. Ben is someone that I like but I feel is being hesistant to connect? Ugh oh well goodbye for now I gotta get ready to go hunting for an idol

Such an unexpected surprise to get 1st place in the challenge. In the past I’ve gone all our for selfie challenges, but I don’t really want to be perceived as a threat early on. I was happy I found a star fish last minute! I’m so happy that Johnny is on my tribe. I’m thinking I can count on him until at least merge/jury but he has hosted me before and I know it could quickly go bad. So I’ll have to be cautious. I also really like Taylor and Justin. I can tell they really care about the game and we could be really good allies. Cullen getting a strike and literally never messaging any of us def makes me nervous but hoping he signs on in the next two days so we can count on him to participate in the next challenge. So far I’m having a lot of fun getting to know my tribe mates and hoping for a successful season #positiveoutlook #mistake

So we lost immunity! I couldn't give my 100% in the challenge and I explained to my team why. They seemed understanding. Julia, however, didn't submit anything so I am lucky, because everyone wants to vote her out. I will do the same, since I have not spoken to her yet.

Here we go! New ORG...new me? So this is my 2nd Survivor ORG following EMV 8, and I want to take a different approach this time around. A more social, less strategic game. First impression on this game was OMG! 4 tribes of 5, vote me off now! As I mentioned above I want to emphasize my social game, because I think it may be my weakest area in my gameplay, so the small tribe terrifies me because there may not be much time to build genuine bonds, and there's definitely no room for error. So we're only a couple days into this game and I think I've made good efforts so far. I've made conversation and mutual connections with Johnny, Justin and Lily. It's unfortunate Cullan has been unable to join us because it limits my possibilities with who I choose to move forward with. It's hard to tell who I think I can work with moving forward. I connected with Johnny first, but I think Lily would be a great partner. I'm so glad that we ended up not only avoiding elimination but also winning the challenge. I was deathly afraid we'd be headed to tribal council. Since our tribe is immune, there's no need to talk strategy just yet, though it's obvious the elephant in the room is Cullan and would be an easy vote off for our tribe if we ended up losing a challenge. I'm going to continue to build relationships with every tribe mate in hopes they will each see me as their strongest ally. I'm not going to make final 2's, I'm not going to suggest alliances, I want to allow my tribe mates the time to approach me first. It's time to step out of the driver seat and move to the back; allowing myself to be vulnerable. Think of it this way, if Haumea is representative of fertility, this is my rebirth.

HI. okay honesty, i don’t even know where to start so just bare with me bc this is gonna be a hot ass mess.

okay so. me and elmo have really been clicking it off. as soon as we saw each other we just instantly connected. we’ve never had a conversation prior to this game, but idk.. something just really connected us! he’s very honest with me and tells me how he is feeling about the other people so i feel like he really trust me because he gets straight to the point and tells me how he’s feeling game wise. we made a final 2 and i plan on sticking to that, for now at least. i really do see us dominating this game and i would surely not be upset if that happens!

now. i’m in a three person alliance. me elmo and ben. for this challenge us 3 seemed to be doing all the work so we all have a mutual respect to stick together while we’re on this tribe at least. i don’t really have any reaaaal loyalty with ben, this alliance is to just keep me and elmo safe on this tribe just incase we go to tribal. ben won’t be knowing any tea from me tho.

we won immunity and thank GOD because even though i feel safe, you just never know! and it’s very stressful and i’m glad i’m not gonna be the first boot.

the idol system got revealed and me and elmo instantly pmd each other saying that we’re gonna share our spots and shit with each other and try to get everyone else’s spots too just so we can kinda guarantee we or we know who would wind up with the idol.

so... idol search starts at 10pm and by 10:05 i.. found.. the.. IDOL! I FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL IN 5 MINUTES. MY FIRST GUESS AND I GUESSED THE IDOL! i was GAGGED!

now. since me and elmo where gonna share spots, i felt like i needed to tell him only because this was my first guess and i didn’t know what to make up to act like i didn’t find it... like i didn’t know how to word it because it’s so odd and i didn’t wanna be like “my guess said ‘oops wrong hole try again’” so i figured it be best for my game to just tell him so i don’t get caught in a lie. i honestly didn’t wanna tell him but i just felt like i needed to because, again, it was my first guess and idk what y’all would have said if i didn’t find the idol, so i didn’t wanna get caught in a lie.

i told elmo this isn’t just my idol, it’s our idol. is that true? no... it’s mine. and i’m stingy. BUT i hope this really shows him that he can trust me and i hope this doesn’t backfire and bite me in the ass. i just wish i could have kept it a secret, but i didn’t wanna get caught in a lie on my first guess and then him find out and think i’m a snake or some shit.

but who knows, if he really is gonna be a loyal ass ally, and it comes to the point where i might have to use it in him, i will surely think about it. but it’s still to early to even THINK about using it, because i want this idol for merge. i don’t wanna rely on this idol and i don’t want it to go to my bead and make me power hungry. i need to be very strategic about it and kinda just forget that i even have it until further notice. im here to play a game that i can say i’m proud of at the end of all this. win or lose, i wanna be proud of the game i played. i’m gonna fight so hard this season and be a fucking raging gamer.

xoxo, zack.

i’m hungover and sad. like i knew we were gonna lose but like. what a mess. julia, my good sis, i love you but i’m gonna have enough challenges in this game without you getting strikes round 1.

positives are as follows: -easy first vote

that’s all folks !

but really i think my goal for this game is just to find an idol bc i haven’t before. i’m pretty much always at the mercy of other people and i just. really am not in the mood for that shit here so hosts rig me an idol pls <3

WHO THE FUCK GETS A STRIKE ON THE FIRST CHALLENGE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH JULIA PLAYIN AT? AT LEAST SHOW U WANNA PLAY THE GODDAMN GAME

Well, I’d call the challenge a success for us. We came in 2nd place in the challenge, so we’re all spared. Things are kinda quiet right now, which I like. Probably might not be the case for Kanaloa, but hey, what do I know?

i need to slap myself on the wrists and learn how to play dead more often LMAO

hi so wooooooo we're back at it, and I guess I'm going to just rank my tribe mates to see postgame how much this changed and how stupid i was for ranking people the way i did

1. Justin - so he already acknowledged to me that he talked to me the most and that we were the two most active tribemates, and im hoping that i can lock something official down with him in the middle of next round that is more game relationship oriented opposed to just just spitting nonsense into each other's PMs currently lol

2. Lily - I really really think she's going to want to work with me in this game, and we have a prior relationship which is cool, and I want to use that to my advantage a SMIDGE, but I know she's pretty honest and loyal, and I just don't see her doing anything to me until merge???

3. Cullan - this bottom two is tough, and cullan is probably at the bottom for everyone on the tribe except for me. now that he's active, I need to keep that little nugget around for my own sake. I just hosted him and got to know him decently well, and I know he's loyal to his people, and if I know that for 99.99% certainty compared to some of these people i barely know at all, im going to try to use that. While I'd expect Cullan to be the first boot on our tribe if we lose, I fully expect him and I to work REALLY well together if we make it out of this tribe AND he was forward about sharing idol information with me immediately, so that's good

4. Taylor - I really really really want to work with him, but i haven't gotten much from him so far, and it's not even that i want him out, he's just at the bottom of three really strong relationships I already have. He was also on vacation and I've yet to find out more about his day to day life, so I hope that I can work more about that so i can develop reasons in my own head as to why he's not around as much, but i also know this is his third org, and i can tell he knows how to talk to people, i just want to talk to him MORE and i hope this next challenge brings us together as a team somehow?

so yea. we safe. i honestly do think this tribe is kickass in challenges, and i think that we can make it to a swap without losing any, so here's to hoping? LMFAO

johnny go bye bye now until next round heehee

praying for asya to stay and dean to go for tonight's tribal? yea. sounds like a plan

im also still really paranoid and nervous about people analyzing my past relationships (i.e. JUSTIN) but we'll see. i can tell he knows what he's doing in games and literally all i have to hope is that im already in his plans, because if not, i can foresee myself being in trouble?

hello so

i joined the game and im happy im on a tribe of 5 because its easier to manage people.

i am good with everybody except for joey. i have an alliance with jared and bodhi which is amazing!

anabel is who i love the most! so fucking funny JFJSJSJ. so yeah if we ever go to tribal itll be joey going if i have a say 🙈

Hi. So I’ve started the game later than everyone else as I’ve had a rough couple of days but I am sure kicking harder than anyone else. As soon as I woke up in this beach I started searching for the idol. I couldn’t get it because I’m to poor to afford a private jet so I have to wait until tomorrow to climb the mountain. I had a very deep conversation with I believe his name is Justin. I’m gonna call him Jus. We talked about my life ambitions and endeavors and we shared some of our most deepest and darkest secrets. He told me that his Zorua is diagnosed with Pokerus. I honestly home it gets the help it needs. I’m sure the doctors on Hawaii are good doctors. Hopefully they aren’t fucking witch doctors. In return I told him about how I raised a manaphy ever since it was an egg. I’ve had a pretty good day on the beach. My slow start isn’t gonna make me lose this race. All I gotta do is find my blue shell and I’ll get back in first. Cullan signing out

HI I MADE  A NEW SOUND CLOUD TO SHOW YOU MY THOUGHTS IN AUDIO SOUND FORM https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week1/s-4k3oW

________________________________________________________________

Julia is voted out 5-0.

#episode #sailaway

[iamsaha]

A Nightingale’s Sacrifice

“THANK YOU, ATHENS!” Arthur took off his shirt, twirled it around over his head, and threw it out into the crowd of 100,262 screaming fans. He looked to his right and saw a cameraman slowly panning over to him. When the camera was looking right at him, he did his trademark one-sided grin and wink. After pressing two fingers to his lips, he raised them to the crowd. “Goodnight!” He snapped his fingers and confetti exploded onto the stage and smoke filled it, obscuring the crowd’s view of the band. When they could see again, the stage was completely empty save for a large purple flag with a black bird in the middle. 

“Always the drama queen.” Erica rolled her eyes as Arthur stepped off the lift that had carried him and the band down below. 

“I gotta give them a show, babe.” Arthur took her hand and kissed it before dragging her along with him. “They paid for it.”

“Yes but did you have to take your shirt off?” She frowned. “It’s freezing out there.”

He grinned cockily and gestured at his body. As if he were Apollo himself, Arthur’s torso was as toned and smooth as a Greek god. “Fan service.”

“Maybe I should do the same thing when I open for you tomorrow in Italy.” 

Arthur stopped and let go of her hand. He turned slowly to face her and pinned her against the wall. “What have I said about jokes like that?”

Erica swallowed. “That they’re not funny.” She couldn’t bear to stare into his dark eyes but looking away would be more trouble.

“Then why did you make the joke?” He hissed and pushed on her shoulders, making her wince.

“I-I don’t know. I was being stupid.” She stammered. “I’m sorry, Arty.” 

He let go of her shoulders and cradled her face, smiling. “It’s alright, Erica.” He kissed her. “I forgive you.”

She returned his smile. “Wanna go back to our hotel room?” She rubbed her hands on his chest. “I could apologize again.”

“I guess ditzes do have a good idea every now and then.” Arthur roughly put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “Let’s go.”

They got a new shirt for Arthur from the pile of extra merchandise in the dressing room. Erica handed him his jacket and sunglasses, giving him the cover he needed to maintain anonymity. Taking the side exit meant for the performers, Arthur and Erica stepped out into the night. “It’s only three blocks away. Want to walk or should I text our driver?”

“Let’s walk.” Arthur began walking ahead of her, hands shoved in his pockets. “You could use the cardio, love. Starting to get a little round.” He winked at her. “Or are you trying to look like your Mother?”

Erica blushed. “Sorry. I haven’t been able to exercise since the tour started.”

“Then lay off the snacks they give us in the dressing room.” Arthur said. “And cover yourself. I’m the only one that wants to see what you have.”

“Okay, Arty.” She nodded. She zipped up and pushed her hands into her coat pockets so that she could pull it inwards towards herself. Once she had hid her disgusting body, she looked at him for approval. “This better?”

“Yea.” Arthur pushed the walk button at the crosswalk and looked at the store window they were near. TVs of all makes and models were on and were tuned into the local music channel. Having finished the broadcast of Arthur’s concert, the channel was now going through a show reel of his past performances. He hated that they were showing his earlier ones, the ones that featured his old nose, but since the talent was still there he didn’t mind too much. 

Erica saw the walk sign turn on and began crossing. She didn’t notice that Arthur was watching TV. She was too absorbed in trying to think of ways to exercise while on tour. Maybe she could do workouts in their hotel room. She would have to get up even earlier so she’d have the time to do that. But it would be worth it for Arthur. Whatever kept him happy insured her happiness. 

“ERICA!” Arthur screamed from the sidewalk.

Erica was jolted from her exercise plans and immediately into wondering how she had screwed up now. Erica turned to look back at Arthur. Then the car hit her.

Arthur twisted his wedding ring around his finger as he stared into the empty glass in front of him. He waved the bartender over and shoved it over to him. “Another.” This bartender was a new one. But it didn’t matter as long as he brought the drinks over properly.

“You have had a lot. Are you sure?” Replied the man with a heavy Greek accent.

“Another.” Arthur growled and glared up at the balding man. He glanced with disgust at the man’s dark beard. Probably hadn’t shaved since he hit puberty.

“You can drink all you want, Arthur.” The man took the glass, held it under the counter, then brought it back out. It was once again filled with scotch. “It’s not going to bring her back. Although it might help take you to her.”

“How do you know my name?” Arthur’s annoyance at being recognized dwarfed his curiosity on how the bartender had filled the glass from under the counter.

“We all know your name, Arthur Pierro.” The bartender chuckled. 

“Wrong Arthur.” Arthur drained his drink and got off the stool and tossed a few hundred dollar bills onto the counter. 

As Arthur stepped out into the rainy streets of Chicago, he texted his manager. “Genius idea to grow my hair out. New bartender recognized me by my real name. I’m not going back there.” He frowned at the setting sun and ignored the busker that was playing 'Cat’s In The Cradle’. The musician needed a new bar. One that hadn’t banned him yet.

A few nights later, Arthur was sitting in a corner booth in a dingy pub. Judging by the age of the patrons, he would not be recognized. They were too busy listening to the musician playing songs on his guitar. He could drink alone. And brood over how Erica had been taken from him. No one on this planet knew him as well as Erica. She knew exactly what to say to him to calm him down before a performance and was always waiting for him when he was done. He had never written a song that she didn’t like. How could she leave him like that?

“Mind if I sit here, Arty?” A woman slid into the booth and smiled at him. The faint smell of flowers wafted over to him, not caring about the smell of smoke and alcohol. 

“Who the hell are you?” Arthur grimaced. Great. Couldn’t he be left alone? If Erica was here she would’ve kept this woman away. 

“You can call me May.” She smiled and lightly raised her hand to the bartender to get his attention. “Dion. Could you please get Arty some more scotch?”

Arthur looked up and saw the balding bartender from the other bar. He wasn’t here when Arthur had first arrived. When he came over and put the drink down, Arthur grabbed his wrist. “What are you doing here?” Great. Another stalker. Exactly what he needed after his Erica had been taken from him.

“I work here.” Dion easily tugged his hand away. 

“No, you work at Kerrigan’s.” 

“Can a man not work at multiple places at once?” Dion rolled his eyes and began walking away. “Careful, May. This one seems unsavory.”

“I’ll be fine.” April smiled at Arthur. “How’s the scotch?”

“Fine.” He hadn’t touched it. “You still haven’t told me who you are.”

“I told you, dear. I’m May.” 

“That’s your name. Not who you are.” 

“In that case,” She rested her head on her hand and looked at him playfully. “I’m the Queen of the Underworld.”

“Right.” Arthur gulped down the scotch, grimaced, and got up. “Bye.”

“Hold on there, don’t you want to know how Erica is doing?”

Arthur turned slowly and glowered down at her. “Erica is dead.”

“I’m aware. She’s one of my newer subjects.”

He lunged and grabbed her by the collar, pulling her up close to his face. “Listen here you crazy bitch. I don’t have time for psychos like you. Leave me alone before I actually do turn you into the Queen of the dead.” He shoved her back down onto the booth and began to walk away. Then immediately stopped. Dion had grabbed him by the throat. 

“Say the word, May.” Dion said. He sounded completely normal. Arthur looked into Dion’s eyes and felt as if he was beginning to go crazy. His heart began raising and his breath came in short gasps.  

“Let him go, Dion. It’s fine.” She had already adjusted her blouse and looked completely normal. “Arty. Please sit.”

Dion pushed Arthur back into his seat then returned to his work. The other patrons continued drinking. The musician kept playing. Arthur sat up straight and shook his head to recover from whatever Dion had done to him. “You want money? Is that it?”

“Honey, my husband is more rich than you could possibly imagine.” May laughed. “No I’m here because Erica won’t stop talking about you. She’s refusing to cross Styx without you.”

“What the hell are you going on about?” Arthur sneered. “You think this is funny? My Erica gets taken away and you come in here acting like some God.”

“I’m not acting like one. I am one.” May said. “Would you like me to prove it to you?”

“Like I have a choice.”

“None whatsoever. I like taking care of my subjects.” May stood up. “Come.”

Arthur stood up and brushed past her. “Get lost.” He muttered and gave Dion the finger as he walked past the bar. Arthur shoved the entrance door open, walked through the doorway, and stepped out of the door that had been right next to his booth. He blinked, confused. He turned around and opened the door he had just come from. Bathroom. “What the hell?”

“I’m actually going to show you that.” May gestured towards the kitchen. “Follow me.”

Arthur brushed past her again and left the bar. Once again he stepped out of the door next to the corner booth. He looked around in a panic. Dion was smiling as he wiped down tables. Again and again he tried, each time with the same result.

“You know they say that trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different outcomes is a sign of insanity.” May sounded amused. “Perhaps this alone is enough to prove my Godhood?”

Arthur grabbed a drink from another guest and drank it, tossing the glass back onto the table. “I’m just drunk.”

“Dion can fix that.” She looked at the bartender. “Would you please...?”

“Sure.” Dion walked over and flicked Arthur in the head. He laughed at the musician’s pained yelp. “I didn’t have to flick you. That was for being a shithead.”

Arthur was about to curse him out when he noticed that he felt completely normal. For the past few weeks he had constantly been at least tipsy if not completely plastered. He looked around the bar with clear eyes and finally noticed that the musician was the busker playing outside Kerrigan’s. He looked at May. “What’s going on?”

“Ah! Looks like you’re starting to believe.” She clapped her hands. “I should have had Dion do that sooner.”

“What did he do to me?”

“He took the alcohol out of your system. That’s all.” She gestured towards the kitchen again. “Come on, Arty. You’re sober now. Follow me.”

From the look in her eyes, Arthur knew he had no choice. He scowled and followed her. “Stop calling me Arty.”

May opened the door for him and smiled at the musician. “You’ll be fine however this goes?”

The man tipped his head, the light in the room dimming.

“Understood.” May stepped through the door and tugged it closed. “Follow me.” She brushed past Arthur and made her way to the walk-in freezer. “Before we go through, I have some rules.”

“What?”

“Do not for any reason acknowledge anyone you may recognize. Except Erica.”

“I only know two people that died. My Mom and Erica.”

“Ah yes. Kelly Pierro. Wonderful woman.” May smiled. “She crossed Styx.”

“Great.” Arthur tapped his foot impatiently. “What else?”

He has his Grandfather’s attitude. May thought with annoyance. “In Hell, my husband’s word is absolute. Disobey him in any way and you will be drowned in the Styx. Your soul will be unable to escape it.” She opened the freezer. “If you understand, follow me.” She stepped in and Arthur followed right behind her. The freezer grew warm the second she shut the door. “Close your eyes.”

“Will my eyes burn out of their sockets if I don’t?”

“Yes.” May said bluntly. “You will have to take my hand and step through the portal with me. The light on the other end will be easy for your eyes to bear.”

Arthur sighed and closed his eyes. Whatever got him his Erica back.

His eyelids went from black to bright orange as May opened the portal. He was tempted to open them, and was about to, when she dragged him with her into the portal. The bright orange immediately returned to black. He opened his eyes. “That was fast.”

“Did you think it would take a long time?” May was already walking down the cold, wet cave. “Come.”

Arthur didn’t like her change in attitude. She was lucky she was literally a Goddess. Otherwise...

“Think any more thoughts such as that,” May turned back to him. Her friendly demeanor was completely gone. She couldn’t see what Erica saw in this arrogant bastard. “I will chain you to the boulder that Sisyphus pushes up his hill.”

“Whatever. Just take me to Erica.”

May held her tongue and turned with a huff. Arthur looked around at the cave they were walking through and stopped when he saw that there was nothing worth looking at. His impatience reached its peak shortly before the entered into a large cavern. He could not see the ceiling nor could he see his walls. All he could see was the crowd of souls building up as fast as it lessened. Above the clamoring, Arthur could hear the steadfast roaring of water. River Styx. He stayed close to May as she walked among her citizens. She doled out blessings and condolences on their way, making the walk even longer. When they got to the other end, Arthur saw that they were standing on a dock. Erica was sitting on the edge of it, peering out into the distance. A dark haired, pale man was standing over her. “Greetings, Charon.”

“Lady Persephone. Welcome back -” Charon was about to bow before he was shoved to the side by Arthur.

“Erica!” Arthur reached for her. Then felt himself get flung back onto the deck. He would have rolled off if Persephone hadn’t caught him.

“Watch your hands, boy.” Charon growled. “She is no longer your wife.”

“Why you...” Arthur lunged again and nearly choked as Persephone grabbed his collar.

“Calm yourself, Arthur.” Persephone said sternly.

“Please...Let him go. He’s just happy to see me!” Erica pleaded, trying to get around the ferryman. “Arty! Arty!”

“Erica!” Arthur pulled. “Let go of me you bitch.”

The cavern grew quiet. Even Arthur noticed. He looked around in confusion and then saw that a man was gliding out over the water, his feet just barely skimming the surface. When he got to the dock, Arthur saw that it was a tall, slender man with wispy white hair. Charon was bowing and Persephone had tipped her head.

“My lord.” She murmured.

The God gently took her hand and had her stand behind him. He then turned to Arthur and stepped up to him until Arthur’s face was shoved up against his chest. “Mortal.” His voice was quiet and gravelly yet every single person in the room heard him. “You dare raise your voice against my wife? In my kingdom?” He wrapped his hand around Arthur’s throat. He was so skinny he may as well have been a skeleton but his strength defied his appearance. With barely a squeeze, Arthur could not longer breathe.

“Let him go, Hades dear.” Persephone put her hand on her husband’s shoulder. “He speaks from emotion.” She shot him a glare. “He cannot think straight after seeing his wife.”

Hades let Arthur go after a moment. He turned to Erica. “This is the one you wish to wait for?”

“Yes. Sir.” Erica stammered. “I don’t want to cross without him.” She glanced at the boat nervously. “I can’t.”

“And why is that?”

“I might fall out. Arthur would protect me.”

“My dear, like I have said.” Charon spoke up. “No one in my eons of service has fallen out of my boat.”

“I would be the first.” Erica said and looked at Arthur for approval. She smiled when he gave her a small nod. “And I don’t want to go anywhere without him.”

Hades looked at Arthur. “I have allowed you here as a mortal so that you may convince her. I cannot drag an unwilling soul across the Styx.”

“Or I could just take her back.” Arthur said. “You took her from me.”

Hades looked at him blankly. Then laughed in a raspy tone that echoed around the chamber. “You think Death made a mistake and brought her to me early?”

“Yes.” Arthur said.

Ah the arrogance of mortals. Hades thought. Then smiled in a way that Arthur couldn’t look at. “Alright. I will allow you to take her.”

Persephone frowned. “My lord...” She stopped when Hades held up his hand.

“You may take her back. Under one condition.” Hades said. “If you look back at her to see her before you leave my kingdom, I will take her soul back. And you will not be able to enter Hell again.” He smiled like a hungry wolf. “At least. Not in the way you just did.”

Arthur smirked. “That it?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.” He turned and began walking off. “Come on Erica. We’ve got a comeback tour we need to do.”

“Thank you. Thank you.” Erica whispered to Hades as she rushed to her husband. 

Persephone watched them go with a frown. “You let her go so easily?”

“Did I?” Hades chuckled. 

“What did you do?” Persephone smiled. She knew that laugh.

“Once Arthur leaves the chamber, he will no longer be able to hear the river.” Hades turned and floated off the dock. “Nor will he be able to hear the souls.”

Persephone took his hand as she floated with him. “Why would you do that?”

“Because he seems to enjoy the sound of his own voice. I don’t think he would want Erica’s to get in the way.”

“Jesus Christ, Erica.” Arthur growled as they trudged up the cave. “Weren’t you paying attention when you were crossing the street?”

“Sorry, Arty. I was just thinking about something.”

“You know how disappointed my fans were when I had to cancel the tour?” Arthur continued. “It’s been three months. I couldn’t do shit.”

“Sorry, Arty.” Erica said desperately. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Whatever you want. I’ll do it.”

Arthur continued to scold Erica as the walked up to the entrance. He vented all his anger and frustration at being unable to work because he missed her. Again and again he screamed at her for being stupid enough to cross the street without looking. Again and again Erica apologized and begged him to forgive her. 

“I’ve been talking to you this whole time and you haven’t said a word.” Arthur muttered when they were close to the entrance. He turned without thinking to shout at her. “Well? Speak!” He saw Erica’s eyes widen and her lips form the word ‘No’. Realizing what he had done, Arthur reached for her. But it was too late. Arthur was dragged out of the portal and Erica was dragged back down to Hell.

Arthur slammed against the freezer door and collapsed to the ground unconscious. When he woke again he was in his penthouse. He narrowed his eyes as he watched a bright figure jump out the window. On the desk just under it was a gun.

6 months later.

“A little over half a year after the death of his wife, Arthur Nightingale has returned to Athens to begin his ‘In Memoriam’ tour.” The reporter narrated while the camera panned over the very same stadium with 100,262 packed seats. The stage had been painted white for the occasion and any equipment that could be seen from the seats was white as well. With the lights shining down on it, the stage looked like heaven itself. “Rumors abound that Nightingale will also be teasing songs from his next album.” The reporter continued to spout tabloid gossip until light orchestral music began playing on the speakers. Everyone went silent. Arthur Nightingale had risen and he was dressed completely in black. Hundreds of black birds had been released with his appearance.

“Thank you for having me again, Athens.” Arthur said into the mike, keeping his voice as morose as possible despite his excitement. “I almost couldn’t come out and perform for you. But I knew that my Erica would want you to.” He paused so that his audience could cheer. “Could all of you do me a favor? I’d like to hold a moment of silence for her.” Arthur watched the crowd and counted to thirty internally. He could see that some of them were even crying and many were holding up signs with Erica’s face on it. He would have to thank those fans. They would eat that up. Once he made it to thirty, Arthur began. “Thank you.” He wiped at his eyes. “I see all of you with your tributes to Erica. Thank you so much.” He sniffed and held his hand out. A man in a white body suit ran out, handed him his guitar, and ran back off the stage. “I’ve known Erica since we were in high school. She was the only person to believe in me back then. My first fan.” He paused. “My number one fan.” He held back a smile as more people in the crowd began to cry. “Because of that I wrote her song after song. I will be playing each of them tonight. Does that sound alright?” The crowd cheered. Of course they did. “But before that, I have a special gift for you. There’s a chance you probably already heard about it.” He smiled sadly. “I’m going to play the first song on my next album, Dear Erica. It’s called ‘Sparrow’. Are you ready, Athens?” The audience cheered. 

Arthur wiped at his eyes again, put the mike on its stand, and began. “Why, sparrow, why? Won’t you tell me why I’m sad? Sing us both a melody...”

-Lux

[crackheadcastle]

Getting Away.

Saturday, early evening.

Charlie and I have been grinding on this idea of starting a business all afternoon. Many of our ideas are pie-in-the-sky. Both of us really like the name HoneyMaker. We even played around with spelling it differently. Honeymaaker. Or, Honeymkr. Charlie likes how the name sounds like Money Maker. To that point I winked at him. “It’s like a think tank, ya’know..”

We figured that we should get a P.O. Box to start. Charlie said he would look into filing the name with the local municipalities, his shaky, near illegible handwriting already taking notes. I was so excited, practically jumping up and down. It’ll be a business of businesses! An amoeba! The sense of how ridiculous all of my ideas were did not register as a reason to stop and think. We would start out, Charlie and I, with glow-in-the-dark menus for restaurants all over the city, we would create retainer style accounts as consultants. Charlie suggested we use Craigslist to find a silk screen person to print the glowing ink on top of the menu lettering. Maybe we could do a special wax treatment to the paper menu’s to make them last longer. We talked about what we should wear as our own personal branding. And, what about an office !?

There’s already much work to be done. I figured for a cheap enough space somewhere that we could set up a telephone. Yes, a land line with a 212 area code, very professional. “What about location?” Asked Charlie. We had to take a bike ride to do some scouting.. Up and down Metropolitan, Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint Ave. We rode for almost two hours hunting for vacant space, for rent signs, etc. Abandoned looking pet stores, laundry spots long since closed up, a couple furniture stores and a bodega which looked like it never recovered from being a crime scene. In the end of our ride we found an old church down in Hill Stuy across from some abandoned brownstones. The facade was basic, no windows, just a door, everything painted brown. Lots of graffiti layered into and on top of the thick skinned brown latex paint. What stood out and caught our attention was the hand painted eye with little lines reaching from the bottom lid above the door and street tags.

“It’s perfect, man.” Said Charlie as he rolled up another spliff. “Yea, we gotta look into how the hell we gonna rent this baby!” I said. “I hope it’s cheap as it looks.” Just then the rumbling of a train below us. The A,C line. Both of us peered into the grate half covered with street garbage and car tire trying to perceive the actual passing train cars. Nothing but rowdy darkness down there.

“We gonna hafta make some more money to start Honey Maker, ya know that, right?” Charlie says to me. This is a bristling truth that I do not like. Time to get my salesman hat to wear for a bit. Now that I think of it, I could also use some salesman shoes as well, cause mine are a little stinky. I resist getting into an argument with Charlie about keeping a regular job. We both know it’s not really worth it. A better way to make money is to work for yourself which takes a different level of effort, that’s all.

Geeked out and beaming, we take off. I explain my plan to go door to door with the glow-in-the-dark menu idea to generate some sales - tonight! No need to wait. Charlie remarked that I must have been touched by Gawd hisself when I was a baby. Our chit-chat was covered in possibilities which kept lifting our spirits.

I could really see it. The newspaper headline: ‘Homeless Guy Launches Million Dollar Biz’. I gripped the crappy ten speed bike handles making the dry rot rubber squirm. My sense of control was present. Being in awe - is how I would best describe the sensation. Who knew how basic it is to simply deign the future you really want? I’ve been so conflicted for years and up to this point I’ve been my own worst enemy in not making things happen. I began to see that I am the only person responsible for how my life goes.

At the next intersection Charlie and I stopped on our bikes in waiting to cross the street. I didn’t realize that Charlie’s front tire was sticking out as it was and that it might pose an issue for the traffic. I told him to pull back a little. Instead, Charlie lurched with a hop onto his pedals to cross quickly. A car was coming at the same time which honked angrily, made a true New York stop - which is more like a pause, before attempting to make the corner while giving me a pointed scowl and middle finger.

Another car - an suv, was approaching fast, perpendicular to our new offended gentleman whose lurching front end was just in time to be struck - K’POW! Charlie could barely swing his face around to witness all this. The on coming car struck and jumped into a twist. The bottom of the vehicle revealed itself to me with aching grace as I was almost struck in the face by one of the tires. I didn’t notice the long bleating horn of the cork-screwing car before it landed openly in the street, on Grand Ave, on it’s top, with a moist crash and embarrassed spray of tempered glass across the pavement.

Some other people saw this happen, a concerted “Whoah!!” came from another street corner. “Holy Shit!”

I stood in shock, right where I was. What a perfect storm! My heart sank into my stomach as I considered that I had just been part of a serious accident. The driver of the pissed off car got out screaming: “You! Hey!”

Other’s from the street corner darkness came out to help what looked like a woman in the flipped suv. Everything seemed to stop and take on a cinematic decent into reality. All the tv shows and movies I’d seen growing up started to flicker by as I fished for a course of action. “This is your fault, pal!” Yelled the angry driver. He had got out and was getting in my face. “Lemme see your ID.”, “Um, I don’t have one.”, “What!? Are you crazy? C’mon.. don’t bullshit me.. show me some information, there’s no way I’m eating this situation on my own tonight. You shitty bike riders are always in the way!! What’s your name?” Demanded this upset fellow.

This is the moment in life we’re all waiting for, the moment where morality and workability clash, where responsibility surges into view like a burning ocean in which to cross on a leaky rowboat. I said nothing at first, I was trying to slow down time, I needed to come to a sensible answer, especially since the police would be here soon. I could already hear the firetrucks loopy whine start up across the neighborhood. More people came out to help the driver of the flipped suv. The woman was saying something… maybe she was ok.

What would I say to the police? I had been partly to cause this insane car accident. My adrenaline was already high, I could feel it. I may get arrested. Who knows. How am I gonna pay for this? I was caught in the headlights of American insurance claims, attorneys and a lawsuit concerning bodily injury. I really don’t know how I’m gonna get through this.

“Let’s wait for the police -“ I say repeatedly. “I need to sit down.” The angry driver blocks me. “No - you can stay right here.”

Fuck,…. fuck, fuck fuck, fuck. Goes my mind. My dream of being some kind of under dog entreprenuer looks like a shredded teddybear on the floor right now, white puff and stitches still swirling in the air by it’s assailant.

Where’s Charlie I wonder.. “Hey, did you see my friend? The other guy on a bike with me?” The angry driver is inspecting his car, the damage is pretty bad. The sound of a police siren begins to howl into range of this scene.

I put my bike down and scan for Charlie. I pick up the bike and walk it across the street without the pissed off guy noticing too much. “They’re gonna arrest you - know that?” Snarled the man. This scared me alright.

This was my chance which seemed like a hollow moment for sure. If I get caught running, everything will be 10 times worse. Fleeing the scene of an accident sounded like a terrible idea, yet, I couldn’t bear to face the circumstances otherwise. I was in trouble alright.

“Charlie!?” I whispered heavily. “Charlie!? Where the hell are you?”

Under the darkness of a tree near the corner I found myself outside the situation. The lights of the police arrived, a firetruck and it’s crew out kneeling down and talking to the woman possibly trapped inside her vehicle. I could hear the voice of the upset man he was barking about some kid on a bike that caused the whole thing to happen. Damn. Guilty until proven innocent!

Ambiguity straddled my mind, my thoughts. They don’t know who you are. It’s their word versus theirs. Etc.

Quickly I jumped on my crappy ten speed and started to ride off. Weightless with adrenaline. A cold reptilian glare watched me as I left, the eyes of guilt burned into the back of my head. This was not one of my proudest moments to date. However, I could not stand by idle and allow the thirsty jaws of predictable American failure chew me up and shit me out of it’s system.

I had to reach down into myself and wield the very same shaky, draconian, logic that feeds the ‘system’ in order to escape certain doom. I’d rather bear the baggage of this one than face the music tonight.

My folly is virtue. We all are beautiful liars when the moment chooses us.

I got away.

Quickly I rode my rusty bike towards the anonymous streets ahead. 

Through one neighborhood and then another where I figured it’d be best to dump the wheels. I had gotten far enough away but was still shook by the insanity of what just happened. First, I was almost killed. Second, I was being blamed for the incident by the only other person in the wreck, the only witness. My face was a little numb with all the prospects of how this all ends. Each police car that stood idle street side or looped around any block had my fullest attention. I worked on what I might say in the event they discover me.  I kept thinking of Honey Maker to distract myself from looking shady or paranoid.

Later on, I flower stepped back to the Buick under the bqe - like slowly backing out of a thick garden bed on my haunches, careful not to disturb or crush root, branch or leaves.

To my dismay I found that someone had written ‘HA HA’ on the windshield. The layer of grey dust still crumbling off where a finger had recently completed it’s painterly stroke. Charlie?

Climbing into the car, I’m greeted by the familiar dankness of sweaty chinese food containers mixed with ‘Ocean Breeze’ air fresheners I piked up the other day.

Restless. Watching cars pass. Admiring the chainlink fence with tortured razor wire guarding the auto mechanics yard. Next to the garage is a red tour bus and the face of it is ripped open or smashed open, all the way to the second or third seat. Did the bus hit a low hanging bridge? I couldn’t help wondering how many must have died in the bus’s accident. Maybe it was from a couple years ago when I heard one tipped over while speeding in leaving for Boston.

Nobody got hurt tonight, right? Charlie must have gone home. He often disappears without warning.