#so that was a really good thought and writing exercise. I might change my mind with some more thought on it but for now im happy with this

[deivorous]

..

#[ ooc || out of control ] #ive honestly never really thought much about nnoitras scar except for the physical consequences of the injury #so that was a really good thought and writing exercise. I might change my mind with some more thought on it but for now im happy with this #as with all things its somewhat of a complicated manner #theres the emotional injury (which grimmjow is ignoring) which adds so much weight to the scar #it just feels like such a mark of failure #it was so inconsequential to nnoitra. he did the damage with such ease #grimmjow has always ALWAYS felt like such a small fish in a large pond and i think his fight with ichigo was meant to finally allow him to #grow out of that self defeating self destructive and beastial mentality (which wa representative of the general hollow pov & not exclusive #to just grimmjow himself ) and then nnoitra comes in and immediately denies him (and HM) that growth #like from a literary analysis point of view the lesson (which i believe is quite in line with nnoitras general hollow mantra) is that growt #for hollows is impossible #and should be denied and rejected at every turn becasue there is no HOPE for them there is no FUTURE in which they will be accepted #the best and only thing a hollow can do is Die. And Grimmjow should have taken the opportunity to die on a shinigami blade #at least then the would reincarnate. but no he was stubborn and tried to take more than the desert owed him an nnoitra would be his reminde #its a confusianist perspective that seems a little at odds with Nnoitras general symbolism? but simultaneously aligns with Aizens and the #overarching theme of the espada in general (which i dont personally believe was intentional on Kubos part but maybe?) #idk i guess i have more to say but its not quite a fully formed thought

[wordsnstuff]

Hi!

I have reached out to more people, but I'm still having problems with this, and I wanted to hear another opinion.

As a writer, do you have problems continuing a story once you hit a difficult scene?

Because I do, and honestly it's getting me frustrated at this point.

I have a good idea and a plot already done, but every time I hit a difficult scene I just get stuck, and can't write for weeks, sometimes months. I hardly even open the documents when it happens, and sometimes it comes right when I'm on a writing spree and being happy with my writing.

Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? How can I get past this issue and just keep writing more frequently?

I'd really like to hear it!

What do you do when you hit a snag?

When approaching this topic, the frustrating thing is that age-old advice has a lot of truth to it. Sometimes it is true that the best thing you can do when you're stuck is to stop struggling against the resistance and take a meaningful, intentional break to rest your mind and reset your thought process. Sometimes the key to getting started again is shaking up the routine and the altering the process until you find a new combination of habits that meet you where you are.

However, for a lot of us, the turmoil reaches deeper than that. A lot of people who do creative things are neurodivergent, so that has a place in the conversation when discussing what's preventing us from realizing our vision. Even if you don't identify with specific neurodivergence, there are a lot of tools and techniques that have been tried and tested for coping with immense, intrinsic difficulty with things like productivity, mindfulness, interoception, focus, and consistency. Just because these techniques are not specifically designated for you doesn't mean they won't be effective for you.

It is always a helpful exercise to take a step back and examine how you're feeling, both when you are writing and when you aren't, and try to identify any areas where you might be able to improve by changing things within your control.

When it comes to a specific scene holding you back from carrying on, I usually find that it's the result of a decision I made earlier in the plot that isn't serving the story as it continues to develop. I would take a chunk of time to take an analytical look at the scene, where it's come from, what is and isn't sparking in it (is the stagnation mostly due to the characters, events, environment, or lack of information, and is it a scene that is imperative to the reader's understanding?). A lot of the time, it's a scene that can be cut, or it's a scene that can be made redundant by infusing the necessary information of the scene into another place within the story.

If you've identified a scene as "a difficult scene", ask yourself why. If it's daunting because it's too long, then it can probably be cut way down and then added to later if while editing it seems a little thin. If it's challenging because things aren't falling into place and you aren't getting into a flow, then the set-up for the scene probably hasn't been developed effectively and you need to decide whether you're gonna go back in the draft to investigate or move on and return to it while editing.

If the information in the scene needs to be communicated at this specific point in the story, the problem might be the way you've chosen to present it. Pay attention to what your instincts are telling you, because pushing through a scene for the sake of getting past it will not produce a compelling scene to read. If you need to move past it, you have permission to do that. You can always come back and completely dig it up later.

Overall, I think it's very important to write with acceptance that the plot may not turn out the way you planned it. The process is much more effective and much more enjoyable if you aren't trudging along on a predestined path. If the characters and story develop outside of the lines, see where they go. You'll always have the opportunity to return to the outline and tailor later.

Best of luck,

x Kate

#writing #writeblr #writespo #writing advice #writing tips

[pink-sparkly-witch]

The One That Got Away - Chapter Six

Warnings: tw: child abuse, tw: physical abuse, tw: verbal abuse, mentions of therapy, heavy angst, language, self-loathing.

Word Count: 1.9k

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x Female Reader

A/N: There are TRIGGER WARNINGS in this part - please heed these, and if you think you’ll be affected by any of them, please do not read.

A/N 2: And so here is the next part that made me cry as I was writing it. Have tissues at the ready... and maybe some ice-cream to soften the blow, and know that I am giving you a big, squishy hug at the end 💖

You can catch up here!

 My Masterlist AO3    Ko-Fi

My dearest Dean,

My therapist gave me this exercise to write letters to the people in my life - the good and bad. To get things off my chest that are weighing me down and need to be said. She said I could send them if I wanted, but as it stands right now, I don’t know if you will ever read this. This is the first of five I plan to write. You, your mom, Uncle Bobby, and my father. He will never see his, but there is a lot of shit I need to get off my chest about him. I also need to write one to myself. Give myself forgiveness or some chick-flick bullshit! 

Dean let out a chuckle as he read her opening words.

That’s right… you read that right! It does say therapist! I know you always told me to go. Told me that it’d help. But you know me, stubborn to the core and will go out of my way to do the exact opposite of what I’m being told to do just to piss everyone off! Trust me, some things will never change! But I guess what I’m trying to say is… you were right.

I fought it and fought it, but when the nightmares got worse, and I started seeing him all over campus, at the bar I work in, the coffee shop I study in, the grocery store… You get the picture. I knew I had to at least try it, and… it’s working.

It’s such a relief getting everything out in the open. Knowing that I really, honest to God, did nothing wrong and didn’t deserve any of it. I know you never judged me, and you never would, but there were always things running through my mind that I never told anyone. Not until now, at least.

It was always swimming around in there that it was somehow my fault. That life would’ve been much simpler if I’d died that night. Maybe my father was right. He and Mom could’ve had more children and softened the blow.

I dreamed of a better life every night - at least when the nightmares stayed away. My dreams would show me what life would be like if Mom survived. Sometimes I had a little brother. Sometimes it was a sister. We’d spend weekends playing in the yard or baking cookies together. I’d run down the sidewalk to meet my father on his way home from work, and he’d pick me up and swing me around and around. He’d lift me onto his shoulders, and we’d walk home together laughing, and I’d feel like I was on top of the world!

But then I’d wake up, and the world around me was so cold and dull. He’d be passed out on the couch again, and I’d have to make myself breakfast and get ready for school. Those mornings, I honestly wished I were dead.

More tears leaked from Dean’s eyes as a sad smile overtook his features. He wished she’d had the life she dreamed about. If the spark was still there between them, he swore to himself that he’d make sure any kids they might have in the future had a life exactly like the one in her dreams.

I know you always told me that none of it was my fault, and I know deep down in my heart that it’s true, but there has always been that nasty voice telling me I’m not good enough, that I’m a waste of space and I deserve to be treated like shit. The voice that would whisper: ‘Stop complaining. People have it worse than you.’

You know it’s one thing for the people who love you to tell you that the voices are lying, but it doesn’t sink in until an outsider tells you that. So, thank you, Dean, for babbling on endlessly about going to therapy. Without it, I’d never have thought about going, and I’d have given in to the destructive ways I began using to drown it out.

I’ve wanted to call you so bad, but it wouldn’t be fair to keep putting my shit onto you. I was the one who left you. 

Dean knew more tears were streaming down his face now. He knew all eyes were on him, but he couldn’t care less. All he could think about was that he’d somehow failed her for having such negative thoughts and never fully believing it wasn’t her fault.

Before therapy, when things got too much, I coped the only way I knew how. Well, the only way I’d been taught - I drank. I also developed an unhealthy relationship with sex to feel something… anything that wasn’t pure hatred for myself. I let men use me in any way they wanted to. I might as well become the filthy little slut my father always told me I was, right? Of course, it didn’t work. Not really. It only made me hate myself more.

It shames me to tell you all of this because I know it makes me a stranger to you. It turns me into someone you no longer know, but as therapy goes on and I’ve stopped using those harmful coping methods, I realise I’ve changed. For better or worse, those experiences and getting treatment have made me a different person.

He dropped the letter from his gaze and sobbed again. He wept for the girl who was taught to drink away her problems. To the girl whose father’s words had cut so deeply into her skin that she became the thing he’d always accused her of being.

Memories of the first time she told him her father had accused her of having sex with him, and he’d called her a filthy little slut crawled to the forefront of his mind. She was only twelve years old.

Sam’s hand on his back brought him back to the present, and he huffed a loud exhale before picking up the pieces of paper and continuing.

I’m mentally and physically stronger now (thanks to kickboxing and self-defence!) I have more confidence in myself, more self-esteem, and more self-belief. But I know that underneath all that, I’m still me. I’ve found the girl I was before I lost my sparkle and before her crown slipped.

I’m becoming a whole new woman, and I need you to know that you started to build her, Dean. Your love gave her the solid foundation and supporting walls she needed to soar skyward. The structure was shaky for a little while back there, and I didn’t know if it would all come crashing down, but I had your voice in the back of my mind telling me that you loved me, that you’d always love me. And it stopped the world from shaking and the structure from crumbling.

You laid the foundations for me, and each supporting wall you built is at the core of the new me. Because of you, I found the strength to open up and start the healing process. Because of you, I was brave enough to leave and start a new life. Because of you, my colours, which started as dull shades of grey, became soft pastels and are now neons, shining brighter than ever. Because of you and your unconditional love, I’ve grown my wings, and I’m finally learning to fly without a safety net.

Thank you for not asking me to stay, Dean. Because I don’t think I’d have taken this time to fix and heal myself if you had.

I love you. I always have, and I always will. And I miss you every goddamn day. I need you to know that, and I need you to believe that. I hope that one day I’m strong enough to come home and tell you this face to face, but that’s still too far out on the horizon. 

There’s still so much building I need to do to solidify myself, and I promise I will do it. I’m gonna be that little girl who was your best friend again. I’m gonna be that young woman you fell in love with again. I’m gonna make you, Uncle Bobby, and my mom proud. I won’t end up like him; I’d rather die than make his words true.

As I read back, it feels like this is a goodbye, and I guess it is, in a way. It’s a goodbye to that frightened and sad little girl everyone once knew.

I hope with all my heart that we meet again someday, Dean. I hope you get to see the woman I’ll become. I hope she makes you proud, and I get to tell you she’s here because of you.

All my love, always and forever,

Y/N xx

Dean wiped furiously at his eyes, cleared his throat, and huffed loudly. He hugged Mary tight and whispered an emotional ‘thank you’ that was only heard between mother and son.

“I would’ve dropped everything and gone to Chicago if I’d read this back then,” Dean said.

“I know. And so did Y/N. It’s why she told me to wait until the time was right,” Mary pulled back from his embrace to look into her son’s eyes. “And it wouldn’t have ended well for either of you. Y/N needed to heal and grow. If you’d gone to her, she’d have given up therapy, sacrificed her healing for you.

“What you had was special, there is no doubt about that, and it could be again, but with her fragile upbringing and your unconditional need to protect her all the time, it could’ve only ended in two ways…” Mary stopped, and Dean nodded his head.

“Either she’d have lost herself completely, swallowed up in my shadow, or I’d be in prison for murdering her father,” Dean finished for her.

“Exactly. Y/N knew that, too, and she didn’t want either of those futures for you. She wanted to grow and learn how to take care of herself. Stand up for herself. Fight back. She could only have done that alone. She had to become someone you didn’t need to protect,” Mary said.

“I’ll always protect her. I’ll protect everyone I love,” Dean countered, and Mary smiled.

“I know you would, Dean, and we are so proud of you for that, but she’s a lot stronger than you give her credit for, and there’s a big difference between needing to protect someone and wanting to,” Mary cupped his cheek and gave him a soft smile before she moved to sit at the table.

“So, what happens now, son?” John asked. “I know you still love her.”

“I’ll always love her, but I’d like to find out if I’m still in love with her,” Dean replied.

“It’s clear that you are, Dean,” Sam added with a smirk. “I don’t think you ever stopped.”

“Yeah, maybe. But that letter is at least ten years old, and Y/N talks about being different. Shit, I’ve changed too. Who knows if that means I still love her, feel nothing but platonic love or will fall in love with her all over again?”

“I don’t think she’ll have changed as much as you think, Dean!” John said with a soft smile.

“I hope not,” Dean smiled. “Still, I don’t wanna get too excited. She might not be in love with me anymore. Plus, she’ll have a lot on her plate with moving back, settling into a new job, and a new life. Her dad is dying-”

“Dean, you can’t put off seeing her,” Sam insisted.

“I won’t. But I won’t force myself back into her life when everything’s already in the air for her. I’ll let her settle, and then if she agrees, we’ll meet and talk.”

Next Chapter >>

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#the one that got away #firefighter!dean winchester x reader #au dean winchester x reader #tw: child abuse #tw: alcoholism #tw: physical abuse #tw: verbal abuse #firefighter!dean winchester #dean winchester x reader

[wutheringmights]

can i ask for the hot mess commentary plz?

sure

Before we crack into this, take a moment to read what I said about the neck thing. I write that up a long time ago, but it provides some important context and is a good refresher on the secret history of Spirit's bi awakening.

Also, the director's commentary for this chapter is here, in case you want to review that.

Good? Okay, let's go at it.

So.... they had sex. Yay. Insert jazz hands.

I feel like I actually have way less to talk about here than I did for the neck thing. Granted, a lot of the neck thing is behind the scenes stuff. I guess that's a good place to start.

You may recall the informal hiatus CTB went on after Spirit came back to Warriors's era. I used a lot of that time to actually work out how to end CTB and what character/plot points I would need to hit to have a satisfying conclusion.

During this time, I was listing out things about Spirit and Warriors that I need to return to. Spirit had his codependent histories with the greenhorn and Zelda, or really his strategy for offering himself up as a means of feeling more in control, that needed to be explored. I needed to do some kind of follow-up with Warriors's latent attraction.

The two topics were similar enough to make me want to tackle them at once. But the moment I did, my brain decided that they should hate fuck. (I definitely was also thinking about my old concept of Spirit's unrequited crush-- I still write the characters like that happened, even if it never actually made it into the story.)

Why hate sex? Honestly, it would be kinda funny. Plus, it's a good writing exercise to ask yourself what would happen if your characters in conflict did (not really).

I knew immediately it could only end badly for everyone involved. But I knew I needed Warriors to hit an emotional low point to motivate him to do his Castle Town plan. I knew I wanted Spirit's big speech to come at a time when he and Warriors were emotionally connecting again, and that the response to that speech needed to push him back to Time.

Shit, I thought. This might be what they do.

But, like. I love protecting my peace. I have been skirting around the edges of homo eroticism with Spirit and Warriors as much as I dared. I didn't want to invite angry anons. But then.... did I really care? I understand where people are coming from, but at the same time... this is such a minuscule non-issue. Truly, and with emotion: who even cares?

First off, we already established with the neck thing that whatever fucked up thing these two have going on does not count as shipping. And second, if it does count as shipping, then fine! It's shipping then. This is what the plot is. I've been working on this story for too long to compromise now. I'll reap the consequences, whatever they may be.

I decided to keep it on the books, half believing I would change my mind once the chapter came up.

I was feeling very confident about my choice, up until the day of posting. That was then I got slammed in the face with regret. Luckily, there hasn't been any issues. I may have overestimated as much the general populous care about CTB. If there was ever any confirmation that this story has the world's most niche audience, this is it.

And you all have been great. There's been a lot of encouragement and kind words from you the readers, after you all stopped yelling, of course.

(Though I was prepared to be an obstinate jackass to anyone who tried to complain. I found a loophole and was ready to exploit the hell out of it. I was so ready!)

Funnily enough, everyone's reactions to the past few chapters helped to reassure me the most. There was been a lot of jokes about Warriors and Spirit having the world's worst situationship (lol).

So them having sex turned into an important character and plot moment. Warriors and Spirit got built up and tore down in self-destructive ways. This experience becomes the wake-up call Warriors needed to decide that he was ready to stop being the hero and get his life back.

A lot of people expressed surprise that Warriors and Spirit would go through with it even after talking it out. To be honest, I was a little surprised too! I was half convinced that Warriors had grown enough to stop the self-destructive cycle and turn Spirit down. But when looking at the scenes leading up to them being alone-- from Twilight denounce his friendship with Warriors, Toto turning him away, and Warriors generally in an emotional rut over his intellect and lost beauty--I realized that Warriors was already in the middle of another downward spiral. He would go through with this, if only to feel valued. It was the war all over again.

Also, apparently half of you guessed that Warriors would get cigarette burns from Spirit eventually. I hope you all were happy with the results!

When I posted that snippet from the chapter, apparently all of you knew that a kiss was coming. Ooops. I'm a little glad I surprised all of you with what happened next afterward.

On to funnier things:

I meant for there to be more compare/contrasts between Warriors's nights with Icarius and Spirit. The only one I really managed to do was Link being unable to sleep next to Icarius vs Warriors falling asleep easily.

Because this chapter and the last were supposed to be one, this scene was supposed to come out around Valentine's Day. Could you imagine?

I had the silliest time trying to figure out how to get Warriors and Spirit alone in a room together. I had this grand plan about them needing to get a room in a different inn from the others, whether because they were too tired to walk home after dancing or because they were too drunk to remember the way. Then I realized that Ganondorf could just give the Chain enough money to get more rooms. I realized this way later than I should have.

If you're wondering.... they switched....

I wrote that Warriors thought that sex with Spirit felt like an argument. That is because they are both the bossiest motherfuckers in bed. They both want things done their way or else. It's combative. Unfortunately, they both like the challenge.

I did have an idea for how to end this whole matter in a funny way, both involving someone from the chain finding out.

In my first idea, Time barges into what he thinks is just Warriors's room, in the middle of some kind of rant. Then he sees both of them sitting in bed, pauses, then promptly walks out. Warriors and Spirit quickly get dress before there's a knock on the door. When Warriors opens, Time walks in casually and starts his rant again while pretending none of this had happened. He would wait until Warriors was alone to be like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

My other alternate scenario involves Warriors and Spirit getting a room in a different inn. In the morning, Spirit is hurriedly trying to leave when there's a knock on the door. This time, it's a few members of the chain asking if he's seen Warriors anywhere. He says no. All but one walk away. The one who stays (probably Legend) would lean and discreetly tell him that he knew the room was under Warriors's name, so if they were done, could he tell Warriors to get his ass outside? Cue Spirit burning up in embarrassment.

EDIT: I actually had a third silly scenario idea. Similar to the others, Twilight barges in to talk to Warriors about Midna (they're still friends in this scenario; this was an idea from a long time ago). Warriors is still in the bed, but luckily Spirit is in the bathroom. Warriors tries to have a normal conversation without alerting Twilight that something was amiss. And it almost works until Spirit just walks out of the bathroom, waves, and goes to put his clothes on. Cue Twilight's 404 error.

So, yeah! That's the Hot Mess. As always, it's been really fun to see everyone's reactions. Warriors and Spirit are both extremely polarizing, and I love hearing everyone's hot takes.

Does this count as toxic yaoi? Not until I see an AMV to "Numb" by Linkedin Park. Luckily, Warriors and Spirit will never do this again. Probably.

#same rules as last time: please keep this out of the main tag #it's been fine so far but let's not tempt fate lol #feel free to ask follow up questions as well #me rambling #lu ctb #ctb lore #ctb spoilers #the hot mess #ctb commentary

[pensat-i-fet]

A familiar face (Rúben Dias x Reader)

**I found this on my drafts and thought it could work for the request I got of writing something that involved some cute interactions with kids. I can try something else in the future if this isn’t good enough. And I hope everyone enjoys it anyways!! ❤️❤️**

Word count: 2512

Masterlist

Wattpad

“Auntie, please!!”, I hear my niece begging for the 20th time in the last two minutes.

“Leah, leave your aunt alone. If it was just you it’d be fine, but you can’t ask her to babysit your entire friend group”, I hear my brother say.

My niece Leah got tickets to go watch the next Manchester City match from one of her friends. She and two more friends want to go but neither my brother nor his wife can go to the match with them. So she wants me to take three kids with me to a stadium where there’ll be thousands of people. And a lot of them will be half-drunk by 3 pm. 

“Richie’s dad can come with us. Pleaaaaase!”

The idea of taking so many kids to a match terrifies me, but seeing the tears in my 8-year-old niece's eyes is a lot worse.

“Ok, I’ll take you”, I say to her. 

“You sure?”, asks my brother. But it’s too late to change my mind. I’ve already been tackled to the floor by Leah.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

And that’s how I find myself driving three kids and an adult I have never met before to the Etihad on a Sunday. 

“Don’t worry about them too much”, tells me Richie’s dad. “I’ll keep them in check. You enjoy the match too”.

The seats are in the fourth row. I’ve been to the Etihad before but never in such great seats.

Leah, Richie and Amanda sit in between Richie’s dad and me, to make sure we can keep an eye on them more easily. 

“Auntie! Can we get some food?”, asks Leah when the players are coming out to do their warm-up.

“Sure, what do you guys want? Also, what are you guys allowed to eat?”

To that, Richie’s dad laughs. “Burgers and fries should be fine. Maybe something sweet for the second half if everyone behaves, ok?”

They all nod and I move to go back inside and get the food for everyone.

When I get to the lower area of the stands, I turn to look at the pitch before heading to the stairs. The players are all divided into three groups, each doing a different type of exercise to warm up. 

Before I turn again to leave, I notice one of them looking at where I am. I look behind me to see who he might be looking at and find no one. But when I look back at him, he’s gone. 

“Here you go”, I say, trying to give everyone their food and not drop it. It was a struggle to bring it all back by myself.

“Thanks!!”, they all say in unison. They really want those sweets.

“Auntie”, says Leah, “who is your favourite City player?”

“Um…not sure, to be honest. I haven’t had the chance to watch them a lot this year but I guess De Bruyne is still a good answer, right?”

“Yes!!”, screams Richie, who is wearing his De Bruyne shirt.

“I like Mahrez”, says Amanda.

“Great choice!”, tells her Richie’s dad. “What about you Leah?”

“I would usually say Bernardo but I think I like Rúben Dias better today”.

“Why is that?”, I ask her.

“Because he’s going to give me his shirt after the match”.

I look at her confused. Where is she getting those ideas from? I don’t want her to think it’ll happen and then be sad when it doesn’t.

“Maybe he will, yes. But if he doesn’t it’s ok”, I say.

“No, I know he will”.

“Leah…”

“She’s right”, says Richie’s dad, surprising me. “He told her he would while you were gone”.

Now I really am confused. 

When the teams go out to start playing, I lean down and whisper to Leah. “Which one is Dias?”

I really haven’t been watching them in the last couple of seasons. I’m not super familiar with the new players.

“Number 3. He’s looking at us right now”, she says, pointing at one of the players.

When I look up, I see she’s right. And I see that it’s the same player I saw looking my way before.

The match ends with a 3-0 win for City. And by that time, I’m more than ready to go home. The kids have been good, but they are a lot of work.

I’m so tired I actually forget about Leah and her deal with Dias. But she hasn’t forgotten, of course. And neither has he.

He approaches our area, pointing at Leah and asking her to come closer. She grabs my hand and runs downstairs.

“Hi, what’s your name?”, asks her Rúben.

“Leah. And this is my auntie”.

When she says that, he looks at me and I don’t really know what to do anymore. Not only is he ridiculously good-looking, but he also has one of the most beautiful smiles I’ve ever seen. And he’s directing that smile at me right now. 

“Hi”, he says to me.

“Hi”, I say back, surprised I managed to get a word out.

“So, can I have your shirt?”, asks Leah, interrupting the moment.

“Of course”, he says, giving Leah another smile. A different type of smile, though. 

When he takes his shirt off, I try to look away. I’ve always had a thing for tall and strong men like him. 

“Did you enjoy the match?”, I hear Rúben say. And when I look at him, I realise the question is directed at me, not Leah.

“Yes. It was great. You were all great”.

“Auntie, we need to go. Richie’s dad is calling us”.

I turn to make a gesture to Richie’s dad, letting him know we’ll be there in a second. And then turn back to Rúben, who is still there, looking at me.

“Thanks for the shirt. We have to go”.

“Right”, he says, looking unsure of himself all of a sudden. “I hope I get to see you, both of you, at another match”.

And with that, he runs to join his teammates. What did just happen?

                                       **

Working at a bookstore is a bit of a dream for me. I get to be surrounded by books and get a discount when buying them. And of course, I buy way more than I should. I love chatting with customers about the novels they want to buy and helping them discover some hidden gems. I even advised my bosses to create a "staff recommends" shelf where we could put all our favourites so customers could ask us about them. And it's definitely helped increase the sale of some more unknown books.

I am on that shelf now, talking to a lady about why the book Stephanie recommends will be great for her grandchildren. Once I've convinced the lady to buy not only that first book but the second and third in the series too, Steph herself comes to the area where I’m working at the moment with an annoyed look on her face.

"Something wrong?", I ask.

"It's madness down there", she sighs. "There is someone famous and people are fighting to get photos taken with him".

"Someone famous?", I ask, curious as to who could come to our little shop. "Like, an author?"

We sometimes get authors coming to the store to sign some of their novels, so that's my first thought.

"No, I don't know who he is but even the children are going mad".

"That's intriguing. How about you stay here and I go to your place so I can see this famous guy. Now I'm curious", I laugh.

"Go ahead. I'm not coming downstairs until he leaves. Two kids stepped on my feet to get to him", says Steph, rubbing her feet with a painful look.

"I'll be careful", I say with a chuckle while I make my way downstairs.

I'm not even halfway down when I see him. The guy everyone wants a photo with is none other than Rúben.

I freeze and just stare at him, smiling and taking photos with everyone. Being particularly cheerful for the adoring children.

"Sorry, miss, I need to go downstairs", I hear being said behind me. When I turn around, I see a woman waiting for me to move since I'm blocking the stairs.

"Of course, sorry. You go first", I tell her, moving to the side.

I move to Steph's checkout area, trying not to look at Rúben. And trying to control my nerves. 

"Hello?"

When I hear the voice, I look up from the computer to find Rúben staring at me, with five books in his hands. 

"Hi. Can I help you?", I say, trying to remain professional and not show my shock at him being here. He won't even remember me anyway.

"I would like to pay for these", he says with a smile. He's even closer than he was at the match. And he's even more gorgeous dressed in an all-black outfit than he was with his sky blue City kit.

"Of course", I say before I start to scan the books. "This one is great", I say, noticing he picked one of my recommendations from last month.

"I'll have to read that one first then", he says, making me look at him again. He seems to be looking at my face trying to find something there. So I look down again, nervously.

"Do you have a loyalty card?"

"I do but I don't have it with me now".

"Oh that's ok", I tell him. "Just tell me your phone number and I'll find your profile in our system".

When I find it, I look up at him and ask. "Rúben, right?"

"Yes. But you already knew that".

"I'm sorry?", I say, shocked by his comment.

"We talked at the match the other day when I gave my shirt to your niece. I know you know who I am", he says, laughing at my expression.

"Right. Yeah. Um…I did not expect you to remember me", I say, blushing fiercely. "There were thousands of people there".

"Yes, but some faces are easier to remember than others", he says, leaning closer.

When I look into his eyes, I lose the sense of time and place for a second. Until I start to notice how long the line behind him is.

"Um…right. Are you paying with card or cash?"

"Card, please".

"Of course, it's ready now".

"You know", he says while entering his pin number in the machine, "since you know my number now from the loyalty card, maybe you could use it to let me know more book recommendations".

What?

"I don't think I'm allowed to use the client's private information for personal purposes", I tell him putting his receipt in his bag and giving it to him.

"You got my permission to do it", he says with a big smile. "Bye, hope to see you soon. It was nice to find a familiar face here today".

"Bye…thanks for…umm…the purchase", do I know words?

He just smiles again and leaves. I turn slightly to watch him walk to the front door when I hear a throat being cleared.

Right, I'm still at work. I forgot for a second.

“Sorry, sir. How can I help you?”

                                       **

A couple of days later, I’m putting some new releases on the shelf when I hear Stephanie approaching and talking to someone else.

“Yes, there she is! She’ll be able to help you”.

“Thanks”.

I turn to look at who’s talking to find Rúben looking at me, a big smile on his face.

“You didn’t give me those book recommendations I asked for, so I had to come back to get them. The book you told me was good was incredible. I read it in one sitting”.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it”, I tell him, moving away from the mountain of books I still need to sort out. “But…this feels a bit stalkerish. No offence!”

He just laughs and raises his hands.

“I get it. It does. But I swear I didn’t know you worked here. That was a coincidence. A great one, I might add”.

To that, I look down to hide my blush.

“So”, he continues, “can you recommend more books to me or not?”

“Sure, that’s what I’m here for. Let me tell one of my colleagues to continue sorting this pile before”.

"Were you looking for some romance?", I say, pointing at the first section we walk past.

He looks at me with a small smirk on his face. I guess he got the double meaning. "Maybe, but not in my books".

"You don't fancy reading about a hot Duke that will make you swoon?", I say, holding a copy of Bridgerton.

"Not today", he laughs.

"Yeah, not my thing either".

"What type of books do you like?", he asks me.

"Literary fiction, fantasy, maybe some romance…it depends on my mood, really. I even read horror sometimes. Even though I'm a baby who can't watch horror movies".

"I might be interested in horror. But I'll need someone to hold my hand while I read in case I get scared".

When I turn to look at him, I notice how close he is.

"You've got plenty of big teammates that can do that for you I think".

He laughs. "Not what I had in mind".

Twenty minutes later, I walk Rúben to the checkout so he can pay for all the books he’s buying today. 

“Do you have a piece of paper?”, he asks.

“Sure”.

“Ok, here is my number. I gave it to you. And I want you to use it, ok?”

“I don’t know. I…”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No”, I say.

“Girlfriend?”

“Not one of those either”.

“So would you like to come on a date with me?”, he says.

As always, I want to overthink this. But what is it to overthink? A handsome, nice and smart guy wants to go on a date with me. 

“Yes”, I say, smiling at him.

“Perfect. Then text me your number and we’ll talk more about it”.

I nod, giving him his bag full of books.

“Do you actually want all those books or did you just buy them to have an excuse to talk to me?”

“Oh, I want them. But it’ll take me a year to read all of these. Another trip to try to woo you and I’ll have enough books to last me my entire life”, he says, blushing slightly.

I laugh at his words and say goodbye to him.

When I turn back to go upstairs and finish the job I was doing, Stephanie stops me.

“That’s the famous guy from the other day”, she says.

“Yes”.

“And he was flirting with you the whole time. How do you know famous people? And what does he even do to be famous?”

“Footballer. I met him when I took Leah to a match”.

“Shut up! Are you dating a football player?”

“I’m not dating anyone”, I laugh.

“He looked like he’d be happy to change that”, she winks before leaving.

I guess he did.

#ruben dias #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias fluff #ruben dias x yn #ruben dias fanfic #ruben dias one shot #ruben dias fanfiction #footballer imagine #footballer x reader #footballer fluff #footballer fanfiction #foootballer fanfic #footballer one shot

[medic-simp]

Smokey Waters - Silco Character Study

A shitty little character study that I was writing to up my word count for NaNoWriMo and also understand this version of Silco as a person.

Content warnings for manipulation, sexual references, power imbalance

Masterlist

Give her something so she’ll stop whining.

Silco considers you with that thought in mind. You aren’t whining to be honest, but you’re certainly pouting. Your brow is furrowed in a tight, frustrated knot that twists back and forth, seeming to complicate itself every second that you stand there glowering. But not at him.

You’re hiding from what you want, shying away from your needs because you know how childish they are. That’s why you’re not glowering at him, you’re only glowering.

Despite how quietly furious you have become over the past several days, you’re weak. Easy prey. Nothing more than a snap of his fingers and Silco has you wrapped around one. You’re just so damn eager to please him. That’s all you want. That’s all you need.

What if you told her she did well coming to you with this new information? She wants that. What if you told her she was a ‘good girl’?

Now that would certainly be fun. To watch the way your eyes widen, your cheeks heat up, your breathing quicken. You would be putty in his hands to play with at that point.

He wonders for a moment what you would do if he called you a good girl, if he praised your work. Would you blush and hide your face, would he be able to watch the anger dissolve from your features and give way to that soft smile of yours? Would you do that cute little thing with your lip, somewhere between a smile and a bite? Charming, but not quite enough to trap Silco as much as you might want it to.

Oh, but does she like that forwardness?

How willing would you be to heed his beck and call after something like that? Something so direct as calling you a good girl? Perhaps his good girl would work better.

It’s so turbulent, so emotional, your response, and yet, so predictable. He can see it all so clearly in his head, every minute movement of your body, every miniscule change in your expression. But like the slightest touch will send a pendulum swinging strange patterns, Silco knows all too well the importance of a pause, a breath, an utterance, an inflection, any of which could shift your reaction.

Would she prefer something more subtle?

Perhaps a simple acknowledgement. ‘I’m proud’ or even ‘Good work’ could make you swoon for him. He could have you bent over for him with a few little words just because of how deprived you are–his doing, really.

She would like that a little too much, maybe.

Silco could see it clearly, your pining intensifying over a little too much attention. He has to set a limit, give an intentional amount of approval, otherwise you get a little too attached. He needs you to come back, not to stay.

Not to say you’re undesirable. You’re attractive, that’s a given–Silco would have a rather hard time with this situationship if you weren’t appealing to the eyes–and you’re useful. However, it’s clear you’re looking for something much more personal and intimate than Silco is interested in giving you. It’s best to tease what you want so you keep coming back for it.

Though, your physical features are hard to ignore, so it’s almost hardly worth mentioning how easy it is to imagine you in the many positions he could take you in. There’s an undeniable degree of control that comes with molding you to what Silco wants, one that he is sure to take advantage of, and it comes with another level of control he’s eager to exercise on you for his own benefit and enjoyment: sex.

How desperate you are for his approval, what is he supposed to do if desperate measures call for desperate actions? Say you seek him out, do anything he asks you to do, every menial task, every errand, everything, and he doesn’t give you anything in return. Of course you want something in return! You want his thanks, his appraisal, his satisfaction, you want to be his good girl. So when you’re so desperate for all of these things and get on your knees to earn them, is he to deny you? How could he when you show such devotion? Such total and utter submission–of your own accord too!

After everything he’s thought about now, what words will make you weak at the knees, what tone will make your cheeks red, et cetera, Silco instead finds himself congratulating you only with a purposeful look. His attention flickers from your lips to your eyes, tempted to fall low to your chest but staying focused only on your face. One working eyelid narrows, cutting through you with glaring precision and he gives a small smile–a smirk, really–that you return to him quickly, the corners of your eyes adopting the most subtle creases.

Keep watching…

He continues to look at you, the external smirk growing into something inside of him as you fall into his most simple trap by far. Where all this planning of words was is now reduced to eye contact, and even that has you soiling your panties over him.

You shift where you stand, cheeks heating up as you shuffle your weight back and forth on your feet, unable to maintain a stare with Silco. You look away, and when you look back, all of your previous anger with him is now replaced with a bashful contentment. You’re in a different gear, you’ve shifted down to something simpler, less emotional, so much more basic. 

He’s accumulated a need inside of you and you want him to alleviate the need. That’s all it is. No more glowering, no more frustration–not a kind that isn’t somehow good–just need.

This could never be boring, Silco thinks to himself, still fascinated with every twitch of your mouth as you consider each other now.

#silco arcane #arcane silco #silco x reader #silco x you #character study #MDNI #smokey waters #nanowrimo

[spagyricqueen]

To my readers <3

TL;DR: I am old. I write old. My heart is squishy. Thank you for reading.

Always and forever, I want to thank you for reading my fic. I thought it might be fun to discuss it a little while I'm in between chapters. The beginning of this semester at university has taken much of my attention with a rhetorical analysis for English class, writing assignments for philosophy, Geography homework, and a digital media class that has readings and projects due every week. So my plate is a little more full than last semester. heh

In order to relieve my frustration at not being able to throw all my effort and attention into this next arc in my story, I thought it could be fun to share some of my musings here.

So I'm an elder millennial. I started writing fanfiction when I was 12 years old, when the only way to find it was on FTP servers in the early days of the internet. I was precocious and managed to get the attention of an English teacher who thought I was older, due to the nature of my writing (don't get me wrong, it was still juvenile, but I guess she saw potential in me?). Suffice to say, she was surprised to learn my young age. But I gained a mentor who gave me a lot of pointers and did exercises with me to practice dialogue and descriptions. I kept up writing up until my 20s, when life happened and other things gained my interest.

I was surprised at myself when I was inspired to start writing again, starting with the Astarion origin story (which, I stress, would really need some reworking as it is far from perfect). I found the character very captivating and ripe for exploration and study. Yet, the landscape of fanfiction has changed a lot since I last attempted it. I had no idea what a 'drabble' was, and realize that most people are interested in short-form, easily digestible works. And here I am, devising an entire epic and canon continuation with the caveat being to treat it as if it could be a published novel or series. My writing style is, I suppose you could say, classical?

In searching for fanfiction to read about this character, I found many of them focused on very specific things (vampirism, trauma, sex, et al). I was disappointed that many of them were in second person and present tense, both styles that I was wholly unaccustomed to reading. We all have preferences, and I completely respect that. I wanted to read novel-style work, and was found wanting (though if you have recommendations, I would love to explore them). So, as one does, if you can't find it - write it yourself! And I did. The story I'm crafting is the one I wanted to read, and I'm grateful that there are others who do as well.

I'm not after big numbers, truth be told, and I'm quite overjoyed when I get a kudos here and there, and especially when I see 'unreviewed comment' pop up. It's an unexpected delight, every single time. :)

So, why did I make him blind? How cruel, right? Well, there's a few reasons for it. He is a vain character, though I imagine that had tamed somewhat towards the epilogue of the game. He has trust issues. He has issues with seeing value in himself. As a character study, I thought this unique aspect might be interesting to explore in a character like Astarion. I wanted him to learn the value of insight, patience, and overcoming challenges in a new way that is not often explored. I also wanted to bring some awareness to disability in general. I researched the hell out of the subject, trying to impart the wisdom I gained through the writing. For instance, the 'Blindfolded Masquerade'? Yeah, don't do that. That's not a good way to foster empathy, and is actually somewhat belittling of the character's condition. A point that, I feel, was made rather clear by Astarion's response to it.

Writing a blind character is a challenge. I have to try to remember how to write descriptions from the perspective of someone bereft of sight, and focus only on touch, sound, and scent (not always with success, mind you). A blind character in a D&D setting, too, has unique aspects that can be inserted - from the mystical to the mundane. They can still have a high Passive Perception, but limited to sound, touch, and scent. Astarion has a dexterity score of 17 - that hasn't changed. In a medieval high fantasy setting like Forgotten Realms, this can be utilized in interesting and nuanced ways.

I made him too soft, maybe? Well, perhaps. But characters grow and change depending on circumstances. Astarion can be soft, and still be funny. I have a squishy heart, personally. I like soft Astarion. Someone else recently mentioned how his 'mask' fell away during the Graveyard Scene, and you see the real person behind the acerbic wit and irreverence. I understand masking all too well. Recently, I was diagnosed with autism (and no one was surprised, really). Imagine going through most of your life thinking you're the weirdo no one wants to be around, and you constantly hide yourself by pretending to be someone else - for decades. Trauma can do this too, so addressing that aspect of his character is important to me. He is soft now because people change, especially in light of challenges, experiences, and when someone shows them kindness and empathy.

I have been enjoying how my version of this character has evolved, and for those of you reading my story, I thank you for sharing in this same delight.

In conclusion, I wanted to assure you that the next couple chapters are being crafted with care. There is a plan being devised, plans being thwarted, and perhaps an interesting cameo to look forward to. I deeply appreciate your continued interest. Your support means the world to me. Thank you for sharing in this adventure with our beloved (former) vampire spawn arcane trickster rogue, Astarion Ancunín.

#astarion #ao3 fanfic #astarion fanfic #baldur's gate 3 #forgotten realms #faerun #fanfiction #fanfic

[chicken-fifi]

Coping (pt 3) | Heechul (SuJu) Imagine

Pairing: Kim Heechul x Reader

Requested by @bokkibunny: Hi Fifi, I’d love to request Part 3 of the Heechul car accident reaction, please! I love the way you’re making the story go, so I don’t have any specific requests. Although maybe even though she is waking up, recovery will be long, painful, and difficult, especially because a tube in her throat is preventing her from speaking until she is fully healed, and she can’t communicate and tell Heechul how she feels about him. Thank you!

Genre: angst to fluff

Word Count: 830 words

A/n: unlike the previous part, i did not write this with a headache, but rather the beginnings or ending of a cold (and with the knowledge that it is 9:32pm and i need to be up by 5:50-6:00am to go to my practicum school). please go read part 1 and part 2 first, as well as the reaction!

Tunes: n/a

It took you three days to regain consciousness. Three full agonizing days for your family and Heechul to have to get through. As soon as Heechul had told the doctors what had occurred, they’d been pretty optimistic about the possibility of you fully waking up, yet they were still highly concerned regarding the other effects that the brain injuries you had sustained had and would continue to have on you. So far you were having difficulty breathing on your own, thus the doctors had made the decision to have you remain intubated until you regained enough strength and control to breath on your own or with the help of a different device.

There was no denying that the road to a full recovery would be a long and painful one, mentally and physically for everyone involved.

You and Heechul especially. The man had practically started living at the hospital with you, spending the time when he wasn’t changing or showering by your side, hand holding yours as he adjusted your pillows, helped bathe you, told you all about the day outside. Most importantly, professed his love for you time and time after. Something you so badly wanted to do yourself.

Since you’d heard his voice that day weeks ago confessing to you in tears, you wanted so badly to open your eyes and cup his face whispering the same words back to him. You wanted him to know you loved him just as much. But your body refused to listen to your commands. The one thing you had been able to manage to do was force your hand to squeeze his.

“Do you want to try something with me?” Heechul posed hesitantly. “I think you might like this idea if you’re up for it.”

You managed to nod, sitting up with his help as he moved the tray closer to you and placing a journal and pen on the table.

“I know your strength can vary depending on the day, but I thought we could try and communicate through writing. Work on exercising your mind and your fine motor skills?”

You looked at Heechul in mild shock. There wasn't any question that he was a smart man when he really put himself to the test, but coming up with this not only to communicate but also help with other areas that your doctors had begun to bring up was something truly moving.

As best you could, you lifted your hand from beside you and opened the journal to the first page, picking up the pen with little difficulty. You struggled to find a comfortable grip for a moment before shakily beginning to write down something on the paper. It was far from the usually neat and proper penmanship you normally had, but it was legible. Heechul angled his head to look at what you were writing, only for you to quickly block it with your other hand - an action that surprised you just as much as it did him.

“Well it’s good to see some things don’t change even after being unconscious for three days,” he grumbled before sitting in his designated seat beside you. “You keep writing and I’ll read it once you’re done.”

So you did. Slowly and shakily, you kept writing. Everything that you wanted so desperate to say to him with your voice you wrote onto the paper. You swore to yourself that once the tube that was helping you breathe was taken out - hopefully in a few days given the progress you were making with your breathing according to your doctors - you would be able to say everything written on this page to him aloud.

Setting the pen down, you looked at Heechul, reached out and tapped him - at a much slower speed might you add - and turned the journal for him to read.

You watched as his eyes flickered across the entire page taking in every letter, every word, every sentence, every paragraph with care and conviction. You swore you could see him engraving everything you’re written in his mind, committing it to memory.

You watched as his eyes welled with tears as he reached what you could only assume were the final words you’d written.

I heard everything you said and you won’t lose me. I won’t leave. I’m not going anywhere. I will always be right here by your side until you no longer wish me to be a part of your life. I love you Heechul, just as much, if not more than you love me. I love you.

He gave an airy chuckle, as he looked up from the journal and leaned over pressing a kiss to your hairline.

“I’m not letting you go, you realize that right?” he whispered. “Never ever.”I know, you wanted to say in that moment, and you would when given the chance, but for now you would bask in his closeness, closing your eyes as felt his warmth spread across your body. I know.

#kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #super junior #super junior masterlist #super junior imagines #super junior scenarios #super junior heechul #super junior kim heechul #heechul #kim heechul #heechul imagines #heechul scenarios #kim heechul imagines #kim heechul scenarios

[hearthouses]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writer

Tagged by @pelopides

How many works do you have on ao3?

67. I would have more if I transferred more LJ stuff over, but I am largely embarrassed by those works.

What's your total ao3 word count?

282,047 words.

What fandoms do you write for?

I am going to list the major ones, but I dipped my toes in The Borgias, The Magicians, and Good Omens. But the ones I’ve written the most for are:

A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin

From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series

IT (Movies - Muschietti)

Supernatural (TV 2005)

The Vampire Diaries (TV)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you call my name and it feels like home (1,197 kudos)

i grow green with hope (599 kudos)

desire holds me like a knife (493 kudos)

twenty-one grams (493 kudos)

The Whispering Ghosts (Left You Out In The Cold) (433 kudos)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

The most honest answer is: I try, but sometimes my neurotic anxious parts of my brain take over and I don’t reply. As a commenter and reader, I personally don’t mind if the author doesn’t reply back because I don’t wish to be perceived, but I’m also not sure what the etiquette is anymore. Do they also want me to reply to their reply? Is this a conversation now? I think AO3 changed a lot of fandom norms and expectations because I don’t remember being this conscious of myself and comment threads were the norm. But anyway, the tl;dr of it: I try and work up the nerve and sometimes I fail, sometimes I do it months later, sorry!

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I tend to write ambiguous to hopeful endings, so this was hard to determine, so I think it is a tie between The Whispering Ghosts (Left You Out In The Cold) and Watch Your Step (You'll Need A Miracle). The former because the entire fic is bleak and the ending is essentially more of the same, while the latter is about the emotional shattering of someone post-assault.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This question is very subjective because I tend to write things that might not be considered happy for some people, but are happy to me. In a more traditional sense, twenty-one grams feels the most happy because the rest of the fic is a grueling exercise in grief and eventually Eddie is brought back to life and everyone can move forward, so the relief is palpable. But on an iddy level, my favorite happy ending is we could live forever in each other’s faces because I want Sam and Dean to have a baby and rule together in Hell forever and ever.

Do you get hate on fics?

Yes. I used to get a lot of angry comments in the From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series fandom, and recently I had a lot of disgruntled people on my most recent fic. It could be my long-term anonymous hater, but who knows.

Do you write smut?

Yes! I used to not be able to and I thought I would never be capable of it, but I feel pretty good about my smut writing skills.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I did back in the day, but it was largely Supernatural/One Tree Hill crossovers because I was sixteen and afraid to admit I shipped Sam/Dean. I do muse about crossovers from time to time because I want my faves to meet and I think a lot about how they would interact, but those stories are often low priority for me.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Apparently! Someone was reposting fics on Wattpad and one of my Richie/Eddie fics was reposted. It was deleted before I could report it myself.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

A couple! It was an interesting and flattering experience.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I can't do that because I don't speak any other languages.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, with @ladyculebras. We often do round robin experiments and exercises, and we posted devour me (if you really think that you can stomach me) because the exercise kept going and we finished the piece.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Sam/Dean is one of my longest running OTPs, so that feels like the obvious answer, but I never stop feeling feelings for my OTPs, they tend to go into hibernation until I am attacked with feelings and I spiral. Some of my OTPs I don’t write fic for, but still have an immense amount of feelings for. Right now off the top of my head, the OTPs swirling around in my brain at any given time are: Sam/Dean, Louis/Lestat (and Louis/Lestat/Claudia), Seth/Richie, Sam/Tara, Richie/Eddie (and Losers Club OT7), Quentin/Eliot, Geralt/Yennefer, Coriolanus/Lucy Gray/Serjanus, Katniss/Peeta (and Katniss/Peeta/Haymitch), Archie/Betty/Jughead/Veronica.

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have a huge graveyard of unfinished WIPs for fandoms past that I am sure I will never finish, so it is easier to answer that there are a few WIPs I really do want to finish some day. My exit from the IT fandom wasn’t really something I wanted to do, but needed to do for my mental health, but I hope to return and finish some fics when I have more distance. From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series is the fandom I have the most written in and I would like to finish my longer stories in the future.

What are your writing strengths?

I love writing prose and my descriptions are very lush. I also have a strong handle on emotion and using acts of intimacy to push the story forward, but also explore character. I’m good at character and relationship studies. I think I’m adept at writing hot sex scenes. I also have a flair for horror in ways I don’t often employ, but love when I get to.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I need to learn how to not get stuck in my own head and trip all over myself and my insecurities. My biggest hurdle is myself and my own mental hangups. I need to learn that it's okay to experiment and try new things and that I don’t need to please everyone, or be liked, I just need to please myself. I also need to work on not being afraid to write longer stuff and embrace that my brain has a lot of ideas that will take time to write

First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. I still have the handwritten notebook pages from when I was 11.

Favorite fic you've written?

I can’t answer this question because if I look at my fics, I will see the flaws. I will say I am proud of everything I finish because it’s often a battle of wills.

Tagging: Anyone who wants to do this and hasn’t been tagged yet!

#20 questions for writers #pelopides #about me

[foreveradora]

Reprogram your mind.

Reprogramming your mind can help your mental health and your manifestations. Reprogramming your mind doesn't have to be hard, it can be the small things, it can be the big things, it doesn't matter but now I am here to tell you how to reprogram your mind.

Get off the internet. This is honestly self-explanatory. You waste so much precious time on your phone, when you could easily be adapting a new hobby, manifesting something, reflecting, working out, literally anything, but instead you decided to scroll mindlessly on your phone. You might be wondering 'but oh, it's too hard' Hard doing what? Scrolling with your fingers? Is it really that difficult? I know it can be hard to get on your phone and to put a stop to this addiction but this is your sign to put an end to the high internet usage.

You are surrounding yourself with toxic people. Literally I know how hard it is to drop them, but I'm being serious. Ever since I dropped some of my old toxic friends, I instantly felt better, more alive, I felt like I could finally breathe. Now your problem can be fixed with a simple 'i don't want to be friends anymore' a simple seven words that can break off a friendship, that is how powerful you really are. Don't waste time writing those paragraphs, seven words are all you would need. You will definitely become more and more like the toxic people that you are surrounding yourself with, you will become more negative, rude, change your standards etc. Don't change yourself just because of toxic people.

Don't stop believing. People might make you think that you don't have the power. Before I thought 'i can't manifest, it isn't even real' because those YouTubers, tiktokers etc. Have made you think that you aren't powerful enough or how manifestation is a myth, but if you are here, you know that it is not and you should know that you have all the power.

Not having enough exercise. This can affect your mental and physical health as if you aren't moving around as much you feel sad and empty and for your physical health it isn't good either. Also would you like to be that girl that does her exercises and is super fit? that's ideal. To get more exercise also exercise your brain/mind, keep that in mind.

Do what you love and don't waste your time on things you don't. Doing things that you love is so amazing and it feels so good. Don't waste your time doing something you don't love, it's a waste of time and at the end you'll regret not doing what you really love.

keep believing.

love, adora

#affirmation #manifesting #affirmations #law of assumption #loa #reprogramyourmind #mind #become your better self #better self #it girl #lana del slay #the best

[archangelsunited]

Hi AUfriend <3

Excuse me marching in here unannounced. I sent some asks to Mareena and Para, and well, I thought that perhaps you might also like these questions. (Feel free to do it in your own time or ignore as spoons allow. <3)

I know we love to talk about breaking the rules in writing and obviously, that not every piece of advice is one-size-fits all, but there is a lot to say about being able to speak with each other about what we have learned during our journey. I was wondering if you wouldn't share. (I also plan on poking some of the others to see what more we can shake out. The more the merrier, no?)

What is the most useful/helpful pieces of advice you ever received during your education in relation to writing?

Once you started to write, what was the most important thing that you learned about writing or its process?

Has your real life had any influence on your writing? If so, how?

What advice would you give to aspiring writers (be it fanfiction or original)?

I would, in fact, like these questions. Give me all the questions. I broke my own advice and deleted a paragraph of this and started over. Then I left and came back a few hours later.

1.) The most useful advice?

Your job is to tell a story. (Stop trying to push multiple things in a narrative, stop trying to impress people, stop wondering what the audience wants, you have one goal- anything extra is extra.) Motivation will not support you, but discipline will. (I wrote everyday, two days off a week. I did this for a year. That year has given me more stamina in terms of writing than any amount of inspiration ever has. Its the reason some stories can exist at all.) The job of a first draft is to exist. (It can't be good until its bad, it can't be bad if it doesn't exist.)

2.) Once you started to write, what was the most important thing you learned?

<Trying to remember when I started writing> Start small? I started a lot of big projects before I got comfortable doing small projects, and that hurt me in the long run, I think. It isn't a lack of discipline or ability on your part, don't get offended. Its just, small things are a huge confidence builder. I have so many unfinished works on my laptop, that it made me feel like a failure. Having several small completed works helped me have the confidence and know-how to look at a big project and go "no big deal." Also, contrary to popular belief, people do actually like small bits of fanfiction, gen fanfiction even. Short stories do have a market. Those small prompts are really helpful in boosting confidence and practicing in a non-stressful environment. Also, it helps work maintain an even amount of skill. My skills at the beginning of a story are much better than at my endings.

Technical stuff: Warming up will save me time and stress.. I can spend two hours looking at a blank screen or I can spend five minutes on typing exercises and ten minutes free writing. Sitting at a desk is more productive and better than sitting on my bed. I need to have some sort of caffeine and or water next to me. Walking beforehand eases out the jitters. I do better when I am not posting everytime I hit 1 or 5k.

Brand new information: Having a group of writers talking to you and encouraging you about your project makes writing a LOT easier. They give me a positive word and suddenly things start getting accomplished. Its magical. Being dependent on other people for motivation is not healthy, but it IS normal to need affirmation- my mind thinks of it as a really good dose of speed.

3.) Has your real life had any influence on your writing?

I had two immediate responses to this. One was, "I hope so" the other was "Damn, I hope not." A few things that have probably gotten into my writing: 1.) My relationship with disability 2.) Sometimes people have to live in unhealthy and uncomfortable situations. They live and their lives are still WORTH living, even if things aren't perfect. 3.) Sometimes life changes directions completely and you aren't you you thought you would be by the end. 4.) Some of my favorite fic authors 5.) My family history

There is also a Screwtape Letter's quote that really put my writing into perspective, or really any skilled labor. It eases a lot of insecurity, if this is what I am striving towards. > “The Enemy wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another. The Enemy wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favour that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbour's talents--or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall.”

4.) What advice would I give?

You have to let yourself suck. You have to let it be bad. You get good by being bad. Writing is an imperfect craft, and if you spend your time trying be perfect- its just going to add a layer of misery to what should be a joy. My friends and family have to drag me away from writing these days. I get irritable if I don't write, because the last little thing that was keeping me from writing- what was filling me with dread- was that need for perfection.

Stop hiding your work. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Do your time letting yourself work through it feeling like a chore. That is a normal part of the journey, feeling like each word is coming at a crawl and "I have no idea why I do this" and "This isn't good." I would compare it to doing scales or running laps. Its hard, repetitive, useless work- but after you've built up the skill and endurance, you can focus on the story you are writing- not if you can do it at all.

#fanfiction #writing advice #ask

[arecaceae175]

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🚀

I'll write one sentence of a fic for every emoji in my inbox (until tomorrow 9AM EST)

I added 3 sentences, 28 words to the gift raffle fic

AND 61 sentences, 509 words to Authenticity, which I forgot to put on the list! So here's a short pride-themed chapter for Authenticity! I'm also counting this as today's pride month drabble.

Summary: Wild and Warriors spar. Warriors learns something new about Wild.

My gender and sexuality experience is directly related to my autism, and now so is Wild’s!!! :D. 509 words, fluff and dialogue

Wild lowered his sword carefully. His muscles felt warm and he was breathing hard from the exercise. It felt good.

“Nicely done. You catch on quick,” Warriors said. 

Warriors was teaching Wild some sword drills at Wild’s request. Wild had gotten a vague memory of sword drills recently; he didn’t remember much detail, but he knew the repetitiveness of the exercise was calming. 

“Might be muscle memory,” Wild said with a shrug. “Plus, they’re patterns, which I’m good at.”

Warriors smiled. “That you are.”

Wild was about to sheath his sword when Warriors spoke again. 

“How about a spar?” Warriors asked. Wild looked up in surprise. 

“Spar?” Wild asked.

“Yeah, you know. Old-fashioned practice fight, man to man. We won’t actually hurt each other, but it’s good practice,” Warriors said. 

“Can it be man to person?” Wild asked. 

Warriors’ head cocked to the side. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not a man, so can the fight be man to person? Or is that against the rules,” Wild said. 

“You’re not… Wild, are you coming out to me?” Warriors asked. He lowered his sword and stepped closer to Wild. 

“Oh,” Wild said. He felt heat bloom across his cheeks and he knew his ears were going bright pink. He was so comfortable in his identity, and everyone in his Hyrule already knew. It must have slipped his mind to tell the others.

“I guess I forgot to mention that,” Wild said. He shook his free hand to get out the awkward feelings and began swaying side to side. 

“Have we been using the wrong pronouns? I’m sorry I ever offended you in any way,” Warriors said. 

“No, no, you’re fine. I still use he/him. I don’t feel any sort of connection to gender, and changing pronouns sounds too hard and scary, so I just use he/him,” Wild explained. 

“Are you sure? If you’re worried it would be too hard for us, don’t. It should be about whatever you’re most comfortable with,” Warriors said. 

Wild smiled and shook his head. “Trust me, I’ve thought about it a lot. Flora tried some others for me, and the change felt wrong. I use he/him, but I’m still not a man. Does that make sense?”

“Perfect sense,” Warriors said immediately. Wild felt his smile grow and a warm, happy feeling replace the tightness in his chest from the stress of having to explain his inner feelings. 

“I’m actually trans, too,” Warriors said. 

Wild perked up. “Really?” 

Warriors chuckled and nodded. “Sure am. Trans man,” Warriors said.

“Cool!” Wild said. Warriors chuckled again. 

“Now, how about that spar? Man to person,” Warriors said. 

“You’re going to regret this,” Wild said. He was only joking, which Warriors caught on to. Warriors bent his knees and got into an attacking position. 

“I don’t think so. You’re going down,” Warriors taunted jokingly. 

Wild brought his sword back up and easily fell into a stance his body remembered more than his mind did. He took a deep breath to center himself, then lunged forward into battle. 

#ace writes #authenticity #pride month drabbles #happy pride 🌈 #linked universe #lu wild #lu warriors

[shandycandy278]

shandy if u were anything but my friend id judge u harshly for liking incredibles 2 but since u are im just staring at u like an autism creature

OKAY BUT LIKE??? INCREDIBLES 2 WAS SO GOOD THOUGH?????

I understand some people have hold ups about it, especially when comparing it to the first one, but from a story telling stand point and all the little things added along side it with the details and the THOUGHT put into it it’s SO GOOD.

Small note: I decide if something is good or not not based on if I personally like it/enjoyed it, but that alongside the storytelling and writing that went behind it!

For example; Marvel movies are kinda just okay for me. There are so many people that enjoy it a lot and I understand the hype!! The ones I’ve seen were feet fun to watch!! But outside of Infinity War, Endgame, Doctor Strange, and Thor L&T, I can’t really say I personally enjoyed them.

On the other hand, the recent (but not most recent) Wonder Woman movie that I like for its story was really cool from a story standpoint! But I didn’t exactly enjoy watching it.

And on the final hand that I am holding with both hands is Into the Spiderverse because it’s so fun to watch AND it’s story is awesome!!!! So it’s like, up in my main favorites list. The other two are also in favorites lists, but for their own categories specifically. If that makes sense? Puss in Boots, The Last Wish is ALSO in both categories and in my special third category!

The Incredibles 2 falls more under the second Category with Wonder Woman, but I rather enjoyed watching it, too. Just not as much as some others on my third and most important favorites lists.

Another small note: I’m about to go on a ramble but it might not entirely be accurate because I haven’t seen it since it came out! If I get something wrong pls be easy lolllll

The thing I love the most about The Incredibles 2 is that it not only IMMEDIATELY started from the ending of the first movie, but that it also tackled the biggest plot hole of the first movie: Superheroes are still absolutely positively 100% illegal.

Like??? The end of the first one confused me SO MUCH as a kid!!! The whole theme throughout that first movie was that Bob wanted to be a hero again but legally couldn’t be what he wanted to be, and that Dash and Violet were struggling a bit, growing up with powers and unable to exercise them without getting in trouble. They were in hiding!!! It was this whole moral dilemma for Helen to go through!!!!

And they just ended the first movie with “YAY SUPERHEROES SAVE THE DAY ITS A HAPPY ENDING FOR ALL!!! LOOK THEY GET TO BE HEROES AGAIN!!!”

At first my little kid brain was like “YAY HAPPY ENDING”, but as I grew older (like a few years later tbh) I was watching it again and it just… confused me. So much.

What had happened with the law??? Were they in trouble and we just weren’t shown it??? Did the writers just forget that the law even existed by the end of the movie?????

And Incredibles 2 fixed that! It absolutely sucked that they got in trouble for trying to help, but the truth is that heroes are absolutely 100% still illegal. They aren’t allowed! I don’t know why they didn’t get in trouble the first time with Syndrome, but it showed the repercussions of their actions. Even if it’s an unfair law.

And then they find someone who wants to CHANGE the law. Like, who genuinely wants to help them. Who has the money AND means to do so.

Keep in mind; ever since going into hiding, Helen and Bob have had to move REPEATEDLY with the help of the agency and their agent. An agency that can’t even properly help them hide and live a normal life anymore, by the way (as shown in the second movie). The beginning of the first Incredibles movie literally starts with Helen celebrating “I finally unpacked the last box! Haha!” Because they’ve moved around so much because of the law.

They don’t have money from it either. Bob was at a job that doesn’t suit him and in a car he doesn’t fit in because that’s all they can afford. And he had been fired, too! It might not look like it, but they’re honestly? probably in poverty. Or at least, really flipping close to it. They lived always on that edge, always stressing about having to move again and about money. Even if they’re trying to make the most of it. Even if they had enough to get by after Syndrome and everything. They didn’t have enough to really live, just… survive.

And the guy who meets them not only wants to help repeal the law, but he wants to give them a LIFE. He gives them a house to live in, free of charge. He pays Helen (or at least pays for groceries and bills and the like) for them so that Bob, Violet, Dash, and Jack-Jack can live a comfortable life in a safe place for their powers to be used and practiced while Helen works to make life better not JUST for them, but for all super heroes.

It’s a wonderful offer. One that’s absolutely too good to be true! But the one who proposes it is so genuine with wanting it and literally his ONLY stipulation is that they work to help him change the law, starting with Elastagirl, and that Helen can’t be with her family for a little while. Not until the next phase of the plan arrives, anyway- but when that happens they’d all be able to live together again, no longer in hiding and living comfortably.

(We’re not including his sister’s motives in this, because the offer didn’t come from both of them. It genuinely came from HIM, and she just went along with it and used that to her advantage.)

And during this whole thing, Bob is struggling with the idea of himself. His self image is this hero who helps stand up for the weak!!! The one people count on and rely on!!! Heck, he literally took the first chance he could to get to BE a hero again, not even questioning the authenticity behind the robot and the island. Before that, he was showing up to robberies and other villainy shenanigans looking like a LITERAL BAD GUY just so that he could get a TASTE of that again!

And when a third chance shows up? He’s told he can’t do it. He’s told he has to stay at home and wait with the kids.

Bob was BORN to be the hero. It’s his life’s calling! What he lives for, what he strives to do! We see this all throughout the first movie, and for him to be told “not yet”, for him to be told to do the complete opposite absolutely destroys him.

What is he if not a hero??? What is he if not the guy who saves people in need???

He’s a father.

But he’s never really DONE that before. He was always out finding a job, out working. Helen was the one who stayed home.

Some people took this in the way that “he didn’t like the fact that Helen got to go out first because she should be “staying home with the kids””, but that is ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE.

He and Helen are superhero partners! He didn’t tell her what was really going on in the first movie because he knew she’d say no and stop him. He knew she wouldn’t approve. Not because she shouldn’t be out in the field, but because he doesn’t want his chance taken from him.

Bob’s not upset because their roles are reversed, he’s upset because she’s out there and he’s not out there with her. He’s upset because in order for him to do his calling without ruining everything, he has to wait and leave her out there alone.

And he’s frustrated because while Helen is doing what she needs to do, he has to do something he’s never EVER done before. Bob doesn’t have the practice and experience Helen has at being a stay at home parent. His frustrations? All valid. He’s never had to before. He’s, quite literally, a fish out of water.

But he’s trying his best anyway! He doesn’t let his anger and frustration stop him from trying to be a good dad. He makes SO MANY MISTAKES, but he tries so hard.

Even as he’s sitting there thinking about fighting villains out on the street with his wife, even as he’s wishing he could be with her and jealous that he can’t be there. He struggles, but he learns. And that’s not something we often see with parental figures in media. He tries his best to keep his frustrations and struggles separate from raising his kids and being the parent they need.

Because he’s a good dad. Even if he’s not the best stay at home parent right away. Even if it’s a learning curve. He’s a good dad, and he’s trying his hardest to do his best. He even gets burnt out from it and has to reach out and ask for help with Jack-Jack, because he wants what’s best for them.

I’d expand on it more, but honestly those are just my favorite parts of the movie.

I could go on about the other supers and what their appearance means (both for the world/world building and to Helen specifically), about Evelyn and her brother’s different reactions to the parents (Evelyn’s older sibling needing to parent/guide the younger sibling mentality, their parents and the supers and everything that happened there in general), and Edna.

Because they’re all great!!! They’re all SOSOSOSO GOOD!!!!

But then we’d be here all night LOL!!!

#ask sc #the incredibles #the Incredibles 2 #don’t mind me

[toujokaname]

Musical Guidance Tsukinaga-Style ☆ (Leo Idol Story)

Author: Chitose Umeda

Characters: Leo, Tomoya

“Through Shiro's blank slate of a voice, I can picture various landscapes and melodies...☆“

Season: Autumn

Location: Sky Garden

Leo: Wahaha, not a cloud in the sky! Sunny, clear autumn weather...☆

Such nice weather, I knew it was a good decision to go outside!

In this sky garden, I'll write a masterpiece that will go down in history, all while feeling the autumn air!

...Well, it's nice to be enthusiastic, but... This place is rather large. In fact, it's really difficult to find a good spot.

It's hard to see the music sheet if it's too bright, yet it looks a little chilly in the shade?

Ggh, for problems to arise after coming here! Life is truly a continuous series of choices!

???: Ah~... Ah~...♪

Leo: ? What's that?

(I've heard this singing voice before... I should know it, but whose voice is it? It's exquisitely, hazily stuck in my memory.)

(But if I can hear them singing, they must be close by! Where are you, where~?)

—Here!

Tomoya: Uwaah?!

T-That scared me...! Don't suddenly jump out of the shadows!

Leo: Sorry, sorry, I was just wondering who was singing.

But I've heard Shiro's voice many times before, so I should be able to recognize it right away~

Has Shiro always sung like that? Or did he change his singing style?

Tomoya: Uuu~... I was practicing in the corner of the sky garden because I'd be embarrassed if anyone heard me. I guess it can't be helped now that you found me...

But, Tsukinaga-senpai, you can tell just by listening for a little bit to my voice that I sound different from usual?

Leo: Well, I tried to be a little bit genius-like...☆

So? There must be something going on if you're talking like that.

The autumn wind is blowing pleasantly, so I'll put on my senpai airs and let them blow as well! Why not let me hear you out?

Tomoya: Ahaha, thank you very much.

...Actually, I have a stage audition coming up soon. And in that audition, they'll also judge me on my singing.

It was written by an up-and-coming playwright, and it includes a singing scene in homage to a musical movie or something...

Leo: Hmm, so?

Tomoya: After researching the playwright's past works and watching a number of musical movies, I wasn't sure how I should sing for the role...

When I thought that my usual way of singing as an idol might not be good enough, I suddenly started to feel lost.

Despite all my trial and error, nothing felt right.

Leo: I see~ No wonder I thought just about everything sounded strange in Shiro's singing voice.

Tomoya: "Just about everything," was it really that strange?

Leo: Yup. Shiro's singing wasn't good at all!

Tomoya: Ugh! My chest hurts just by hearing you say that...!

B-But. What's so good about my regular voice? It doesn't have the piercing quality of Mitsuru's or the delicacy of Hajime's...

Leo: Hey, hey. You're so focused on the good qualities of others that you can't see your own.

Even when I do vocal exercises in Dramatica, I listen to Shiro's voice because I think it's good.

Tomoya: W-What do you like about my voice?!

Leo: Just like your name[1] suggests, it's a "blank slate"! It sounds subdued, but the good thing about Shiro's voice is that it's a blank slate and straightforward.

Tomoya: A blank slate...?

Leo: Mm~ Is it hard to understand?

Shiro's singing voice is like a blank notebook—with no color, with nothing written on it yet.

Leo: So, when I listen to him, I feel like writing all types of songs. It makes me want to have him sing "this kind of song" and "that kind of song" with his voice.

Through Shiro's blank slate of a voice, I can picture various landscapes and melodies...☆

Tomoya: (Tsukinaga-senpai praised me so much, I'm so happy...!)

Leo: And yet, Shiro's voice just now had none of those good qualities~!

Tomoya: Ughh, you said there was nothing good again...!

—But, I see.

My mind was so busy trying to figure out the right way to sing for the role...

What kind of voice do I have and what kind of songs can I sing? Maybe I wasn't able to think about such ordinary things.

Leo: Mhm, mhm. Whether it's singing as an idol or singing on stage. Each one has its own characteristics and good qualities.

In both cases the voice comes from the same person, Shiro. It's meaningless if neither of them have Shiro's strengths, I don't want it to be a waste in which his merits aren't expressed.

So relax and just sing in a more Shiro-like way. That's what I think!

Tomoya: Be more like myself, and relax...

Fufu. As I listened to Tsukinaga-senpai's words, my shoulders gradually relaxed.

...This audition is close to Ra*bit's Live. I think that's why I was even more preoccupied.

I was thinking about how I needed to change my attitude, and I was afraid that if I didn't do well, I would drag the Live down...

Leo: I see. Shiro was thinking about what he could do and preparing for it all by himself.

You're doing a great job~ And I'm getting more and more eager to support you! So, I'll stay here and listen to Shiro's singing voice!

Tomoya: Eh?

Leo: I'll be listening to Shiro's voice to make sure it's coming out right. Shiro's voice will stimulate my inspiration...♪

C'mon, sing for me, Shiro! I'm always ready!

Tomoya: I-I understand. Please let me know if you find anything strange...?

...*Takes a deep breath*. Be more like myself, and relax—

~♪~♪

Leo: (Yup, it definitely sounds more Shiro-like than the singing voice I heard earlier! It's still a bit stiff, but Shiro should be able to do better!)

...For now, I'd like it to be softer. Try fluffing it up, like you're trying to grow wings with your voice!

Tomoya: Y-Yes!

Leo: (There we go. My inspiration is welling up, too!)

(Every staff notation will be filled with notes in no time. If I listen to this voice, surely...♪)

Tomoya's surname is Mashiro (真白), a nod to 真っ白 (masshiro), meaning "pure white" or a "blank slate".

#idol story #chitose umeda #leo #tomoya #finished translation

[annabelle--cane]

what’s your major if you don’t mind me asking? I think I want to be an English major maybe? Idk I’m lost on journey and any info at all about what that might entail would be helpful. That being said good luck with the concerts and the papers! Also I love your blog byeee

I'm double majoring in english and art history, and most of my english classes involve reading a certain about of a work on my own time (part of a book, a few poems, a play, etc), discussing it in a class of 15-30 people, writing two or three analytical papers per semester per class, and sometimes doing other graded exercises like group presentations, weekly reading responses, or worksheets to break down formal elements of the thing I'm looking at. I'm in the second semester of my junior year and this is actually the first time in university so far where I've had classes that assign multiple novels to read over the course of the semester, every other class I've taken so far has kept to shorter works so we can get through a wider range of material more quickly with maybe one short novel or novella. from what I've heard from people who go to other schools, this kind of seminar-based english class seems fairly common, but I can't speak for everywhere.

most english majors I know take on a second major or a minor or a specialization within english because at my school there are relatively few requirements to complete the major in comparison to other subjects and people end up with credits to fill and other interests they'd like to pursue. ex., in my second semester of my freshman year I realized I'd accidentally already completed half an art history minor so decided to finish it out, and then last semester I had the sudden thought "wait. but if I finish the minor this semester. that means no more art history classes." and I had juuuuust enough time left to finish out the double major requirements and still graduate in four years, so I upgraded and now I write 8-11 papers a semester because I am insane.

it's totally normal to feel lost on what you want to study, I know a bunch of people who got to college and changed their majors after a semester or two (most of them started as biology majors, idk what it is about bio that attracts people who simply don't want to do it), and I know people who've dropped out or taken gap years or taken multiple years off to figure out how they best function and what kind of degree would best suit what they want to do with their lives. I really like english, but it's not for everyone and there are plenty of options for you to feel out as you go.

thank you and I wish you luck!

#answered #anons

[justekasmindx]

Validated

10/06 12:00 pm

Never thought I'd be journaling at this time of the day

When it's time for me to sleep, I couldn't let this feeling past without writing it down..

I don't even know where to start.

Let's start with some good news - I just got validated.

I now does not pretend that I have PTSD, oh hey, I just got diagnosed.

But what surprised me the most is that they said I have MDD, too. I never thought I am depressed already.

Maybe because I never really validated what I was feeling. Every time I felt sorrow, I have always contradicted it with "Why? You have a stable job, an income that can put some food on the table, you can buy stuffs and you're living in a comfortable home, so why do you feel sad?"

I now realize how much I did not love myself enough, I did not even notice. I just knew there's something wrong that I couldn't fix by myself.

The specialist said that I took a huge step coming to their clinic. I had an hour of evaluation. Imagine me just sat down for a minute in front of her and I cried immediately. "Yeah, that's how heavy it was" she said.

I didn't know where to start, I just remember telling her "I need help because I don't know what to do anymore, I have read self-help books, I have been journaling, exercising, I tried to change my perspective, still I feel the same."

She asked when did this start, and I said it started when I was a kid, then the story goes on, chapter by chapter of my life. I cried and mourned in each of it. She saw it and she said, "Don't be too hard on yourself, anybody who went through those wouldn't feel good as well." And I laughed, we looked each other in the eyes, she said "i know you already know that from the books you read". I said "I've always heard it from the people I know which makes me question, why this kind of advice does not change anything in my mind? It does not help at all, am I that broken?

So the last part of evaluation was her asking if I can hear noises or see myself from a third person's view, maybe this is for other disorder's test, but I'm glad I wasn't seeing or hearing anything at all.

She also asked if I want to hurt myself or someone, i said no but before when I was in high school, I used to hold a knife or a cutter, but I wouldn't do it. Are there thoughts of suicide? I said yes. Like I am no longer afraid of dying. The exact example I told her was me while crossing the street and it was okay for me to be crossed over by any vehicle, I am now preparing for my death, I am paying for my insurance, and funeral plans because I am ready to die, and I want to have something I can leave to my loved ones when I am gone. She asked what's holding me back from killing myself, I said because there's a little hope I hold on to and I have this perspective that I have gone through a lot before so for sure what I am feeling right now would pass by eventually. And there I thought my last statement for that topic will save me from being diagnosed with depression then when I came out of the room, and I saw the diagnosis and it says "major".

Few days since that happened, I kept thinking of it, hoping meds will help and therapies will make me my normal self again.

Despite this little hope I am holding to, I still feel like I am not capable of having a relationship. I know I am being harsh to myself right now, but the reality is it might get difficult and that person's gotta be tough enough and must have a huge understanding of what I went through. If that person stays, I would share my everything to him.

I will be healed. This is the start. My life will improve and I will be better.