#so she sends them all away

[can-of-slorgs]

Completed the Shenkuu Stamp collection some time ago, so it was only fair to draw my girl Mirsha

#neopets #neotag #neoart #vin doods #gnorbu #drawing this was actually really fun in a way that when i was looking for references i didn't know she was such a lesbian icon #not surprised but hey lets cheer for the lesbian alpaca! #I'm not as happy with the colors as I thought #I'm a bit rusty in just really warm colors without it looking burnt for some reason HJSD #but looking at pictures of AC teams have made me really fall into my old virtupets fix #i love everyone so much on that team and not really that many ppl play for it #i still remember winning a long long time ago and was completely blown away as it was basically just 5 ppl in a forum going mad #i just really love the designs of most of the players on all groups?? #i don't even like playing in the AC that much i just love the characters LMFAOO #i think i still remember I drew fanart of Sela and the gelert from the darigan team when i was like 8-9 and submitting in onto deviantart #and getting hate comments probably like 8 years later because i missed his wings or i made them too small or sth #that was hilarious thinking about it now but it did made me hate the darigan team for that year SDHFKSD #ok this is too long it always ends up wit me just rambling #I love my boy XL Striker 3.8 and Sela #ok nobodys reading uhhhh #send me an ask with the weirdest emoji out of context if you've read this far tbh nobody cares by this point HJSKSFD #idk if ill draw someone for the AC team everytime i complete a stamp collection but if i'm feeling like it maybe #or if they're requested tecnically #thats it bye

[hayleysummers]

I find it interesting that hayley clearly sees the mikaelsons as her family and feels a deep sense of love and loyalty towards them, but she’s been consistently shown to be wary of hope being raised around them.

#the originals #hayley marshall #like…at first she starts off not wanting hope to be a mikaelson at all bc klaus is being an all time shit atm #and then she gets closer and the two of them bond and she spends five years trying to get hope’s family all together and telling her stories #then elijah had to go kill some kids and make hayley reevaluate what kind of environment she’s raising her daughter in #so she sends her to boarding school hoping that’ll keep her away from becoming like her family #it’s just very…interesting to me #as much as hayley has found a home with them and as much as they’ve bonded #and as much as she wants her daughter to have a happy life with a family #she’s constantly at war with herself #bc what sort of example is she setting?? #it’s why she’s so adamant about klaus not being a loss cause in s4/5 #her daughter needs a father! not a monster! #and she can see flickers of humanity in him whenever he’s around hope #and that has to be enough #for hope’s sake…that has to be enough #she believes in the family’s redemption and it ends up killing her ooohhhh I feel sick

[uselessnbee]

what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.

or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!

and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes

and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you

#i am not trying to victim blame or anything i love Sally and she did her best and didn't deserve any of the crap life gave her #but there's just something so tragic about the fact that she married a vile man and suffered abuse to protect her son #just for her decision to hurt him anyways just in a different way but the only other option would probably be Percy ending up dead #so she can't really truly regret it but she just wishes those weren't their only options #that she didn't have to do this just so that her child could stay alive #thinking about it makes me go feral #they had no choice but to suffer there was no way for their lives to be without this much hurt and trauma and it's terrible #and they didn't deserve it but there was so much love too #but the horrible thing is that that love just wasn't enough to save them from all that pain and i need to be sedated bye #percy jackson #sally jackson #pjo #hoo #percy and sally #percy jackon and the olympians #whatever you do don't think about a six years old lonely Percy sitting in a corner waiting for his mom to come back home from work #and he knows she loves him but he misses her so much when she spends so much time in work and that hurts #don't think about a ten years old Percy being sent away to a boarding school and he knows his mom loves him #but what if she's sending him away because he's just too much? or not enough? and what if she doesn't want him anymore? #and he knows that's not true but what if? #i'm thinking it #okay i think that's enough

[quickhacked]

"The outer reaches of space remain unexplored by humankind to this day, but its greed is relentless. We grasp and yearn and hunger for knowledge— answers to questions we cry out into the endless void expecting to understand, expecting the stars to respond. The stars will not, but one day something else will— and we will not like what it has to say." — Rome Solomon, Beyond the Exosphere (1965)

taglist (opt in/out): @shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart, @vvanessaives, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman, @celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister, @killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

#obscura #edit:rome #nuclearocs #nuclearedits #ok so. ok hi. red and i made a new universe hi. sorry. morris quincy victor and eleanor belong to them the rest belong to meee :3 #the pictures i used are basically the patron saints of their occupation / line of work! so that's not what they look like #anyway it's a mix of paranormal stuff + lovecraftian horror + sort of zombies :^) #they're like. the domains of lucifer (demons) behemoth (zombies) and leviathan (the eldritch horrors that happen in space and oceans) #who are like. the three evils that torment the mortal realm #it's all in a historical setting kind of parallel to our world? so a bunch of historic events are the same but it's like #a little bit more advanced with technology but at the same time it's not. it's Just A Little Different y'know #rome's sister went to space for a mission and just straight up went missing which prompts him to become an astronomer #and he's the first one to start speculating the existence of leviathan as eldritch god #morris is a technician at the academy who has an angel stuck in his computer #eve is a nun and herbalist who witnesses the influence of behemoth firsthand through some sick travelers #that she and the other nuns of her convent take care of #anatoly and quincy are both from different space missions who end up as the only survivors who are not basically a plant #the other two survivors have secretly been replaced with some sort of parasites. annihilation style if you've seen that movie #eleanor is a demonologist and works together with her brother victor who's her cameraman #clarence is a blind psychic who lost her sight because of an angel trying to warn her and in return got her psychic abilities #and lazarus is one of the two most famous demonologists in the world but his wife (the other one) passed away #so now he's alone and since he's not from an upper class family like his wife was he's not all that loved as she was #there's a lot going on but it's SO fucking fun to work on so far. feel free to send any asks i would love to explain more :^) #if you've made it this far also hi i love you. kiss for you

[bloomingsalma]

i think one of the most disappointing things is to see that your childhood friends have grown up to represent the kind of people you're disappointed in

#had a friendship break up w like one of my entire friend groups of six ppl? #found out that one of the girls in our friend group had sent screenshots of our private conversation about smth I was hurt over #to a gc with our other friends (but not me ofc) #and they all proceeded to talk shit about me :// I swear the way my stomach dropped when the friend I was having the convo w #sent me screenshots of what our mutual friends were saying about me #she knew how much it would hurt me but still did it just to prove a point (though I'm certain she misrepresented our conversation + my word #to them considering she blocked out what she had initially said to them lol) #my stomach hasn't dropped like that since high school #which is exactly where I thought we left this kind of deceitful behaviour. like how are you guys twenty one and still sending screenshots #and talking bad behind only one (1) friend's back when you know she can't defend herself in that space #I immediately texted our collective gc to explain a text she had sent but failed to give context for #then told them if I'm as selfish as they say I will leave this friend group. and then I left that gc #I also texted two friends who I knew were talking shit and I sent them the screenshots that first “friend” sent and pointed out how #she blocked out what she said so I'm suspicious that she skewed our conversation so they (the two other “friends”) should be wary #I told them I understood it was fair game to stoop. this low considering neither of them tried to reach out to me to hear my side #or defend me + my privacy #for context: the original argument was me voicing out that I was upset bc that first “friend” had invited and planned with with our friend #group an event that landed on my birthday without checking in with me if I was planning to spend time with them that day #and she kept defending herself and saying she didn't know I'd plan smth (probably bc my bday is two months away lmao) and she said #the event they'd be attending is just as important and necessary as being there for my birthday?? it's literally just a party her brother #(who none of us are close to lol) is DJing at. and I brought up how I'm their close friend (not her brother) and it's not fair to call #it equally necessary. but I suspect she skewed what I said greatly considering all of our friends started calling me selfish and unfair #but yeah v v crazy and hurtful and just astonishing #salmaspeaks

[crownrots]

#oc txt. #c: hattie #c: mary ellen #hattie being able to make it back to her own vault just in time to be with her mom in her final moments is 🤕 #she’s not the overconfident self assured put together person she was when she left however long ago it was #and her mother isn’t the hyper independent stoic emotionally constipated woman that didn’t even hug her before she left #her mother really did believe that this colony that had supposedly been growing since she was a girl WAS her kids’ only hope at a future #they knew for years that the vault was running out of supplies and falling apart #she was getting older and really didn’t think a future above ground was for her or her husband or the other adults that had grown up there #it was for their kids. #bc the vault wasn’t going to be able to sustain them for much longer #it’s why she pushed her kids so hard and pushed them away even harder #bc it made sending them into that world ‘easier’ #she wouldn’t miss them as much and they wouldn’t miss her #sending her twins up there (her first borns) years prior was HELL #and she dreaded the day hattie was old enough to be thrust out there and even debated whether or not she’d even go through with it #so seeing her now … especially in the state hattie is in when she returns #she feels guilty but at the same time proud? because despite it she knows hattie had and HAS what it takes to survive up there #and seeing tj??? she doesn’t know if the twins made it to the colony or whether the colony was even real operating ect ect #so she’d never get to see them with her grandkids if they had any #she at least gets a slice of what could have been if things were different #it’s good that hattie gets to tell her truth of everything #it’s good that hattie gets to reconcile and be the last thing she sees before she passes #it’s all mary ellen ever wanted … to see her girls again #and in her mind if hattie made it … then she knows the other two did too #and i think for hattie she was just on the cusp of giving up and throwing in the towel #but she’s got people relying on her and she’s not a quitter … was never allowed to be #and i think by now she’d be searching for them less for herself and more for her parents #the least she can do is find out if their sacrifices (and the sacrifices of everyone else) were warranted

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

THEY SAID IT!! THEY FINALLY SAID IT!!!

AAAHHHHHHHHH

OMEGA IS FORCE SENSITIVE :DDD

#or well yk high midichlorian fount :)) #also ventress is gonna reveal herself eventually lol #'know some of their ways' lol yep #AOUGOUAGH TECH MENTION #😭😭😭 #not okay thank you very much <33 #anyway :OOO FILES #THEY KNOW IT'S HER #OUAGH O.O #nah she's sending her away to talk to them- yep lol #yk (as she's talking to batcher) I wonder if some of the reason omega managed to tame batcher is her force sensitivity #not necessarily but maybe #OUAGH BAD BATCH AND VENTRESS FIGHT #I mean guys. she's an extremely skilled force user xD #slay though all y'all lol #the bad batch #tbb #oasis's tbb chatter #oasis's sw chatter #AOIUGH CROSSHAIR!! #AND TOSSING THEM THEIR WEAPONS #AAEHHHH AND THR THEME!! #y'all going so insane #omega's gonna come in and stop them but I wonder if she'll use the force o.o and if it's all just a test #awkward moment to come back xD

[brittlebutch]

tbh Zelda's "I think I just need to freak out for a little bit" line in Belles of the Baronies might be one of my favorite lines from her; peak "I'm not fine but it's fine" phrasing

#N posts stuff #I especially love it in its context which is that she's at a fancy party and getting wigged out by all the people and SPECIFICALLY #that she says 'this music is kind of stressing me out' about whatever run of the mill music they'd play at a party like that and so she goe #to put her headphones in to go mosh out to her usual metal -- so many people will rag on you for liking that kind of music when you #also have sensory issues 'oh if you can handle That noise i'm sure you can handle this [noisy situation] fine' WRONG #but i love that Zelda is allowed to put it as plainly as this and no one calls her out like it's some kind of contradiction #ESPECIALLY love that this line is Direct response to Sam asking if she wants to go out somewhere even quieter like the stables #and offers to have like Sending queued up so that they'll be able to get her right away if they need her -> not only not making a big deal #about her having to leave Immediately after they arrived but also being more than willing to Accommodate her in that wholly #they're so sweet and i love them. samzelda gang forever. anyway i think i want to make a shirt with some art of zelda on the front #and then that line on the back in some unintelligible metal band font i think it would be So dope if only i could get the energy to do it #dimension 20 #d20: seven maidens #d20lb

[torchwood-99]

Ok, been sitting on this for a while, been trying to talk myself out of it, but here goes.

The book doesn't sell me on the love Theoden had for Eowyn.

I tried to read it and find something in his actions towards her that tell me he has proper regard, proper respect for her, that gives any weight or meaning to his love for her, but I can't find anything. He dismisses her before the entire court, doesn't consider her an heir or a proper part of his house, and has to have her virtues called out to him by other people, when she has been serving him for years.

Return Of The King sees him spout platitudes and declare her "dearer than daughter", but none of this is backed up by his general actions to her.

He loves Eowyn, fine. But he doesn't love her the way he loves Eomer, or probably loved Theodred. He doesn't love her as a fully realised being. Nor as someone to take pride in and carry on his legacy. He loves her a crutch, a tool, and something between pet and person.

He has affection for Eowyn, but his love feels more like a trivial thing, than something with any real worth or regard to it.

#Lotr #Lord of the Rings #Eowyn #Theoden #I don't think this is Tolkien's intent #I think I'm meant to believe that Theoden was awesome to Eowyn and did love her more than a daughter #but Tolkien never gave me a reason to believe that #can someone find me a moment in the books where Theoden's love for Eowyn feels like something substantial #where he loves her for who she is and not for the services she has provided #where he shows any respect for her capabilities and pride in her person #and not just going along with it when other people point them out to him #I love them in the films and I want to believe in their love so much #but Theoden's love for Eowyn in the books just feels perfunctory and leaves me feeling empty #I don't think this is how their relationship is meant to make me feel #Eowyn put her life on hold and endured hell for Theoden's sake #and we never even get an implication he regretted what she endured for his sake #we never see a hint of Theoden regretting how he snubbed her before the court #almost every scene between the two of them in Two Towers lacks warmth or regard between them #the minute Theoden's recovered he sends Eowyn away as though she's not longer of use to him #he forgets her bloody existence before everyone in the hall #he has her wait on him while Eomer Aragorn Gimli and Legolas all get to sit with him #and in turn all Eowyn can do is look at him with cool pity #and at their parting she focusses more on Aragorn than Theoden #she clearly isn't feeling the love right now and why should she? #it makes Theoden calling her daughter and showing her some morsels of affection in Return of the King feel empty #like now yeah he can be bothered to acknowledge Eowyn a bit now that it suits him #but when other stuff is going on she falls to the back of his mind #there's enough unseen moments or gaps where perhaps if Tolkien had written them I might have believed in Theoden's love for Eowyn #such as their parting before Pelennor which was described as “painful” #but that pain could have meant a variety of things

[perenlop]

pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:

the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon

to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)

the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon

pretty much everything about that gible

blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)

boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen

pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character

#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit #the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league #but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle #i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/ #that battling didnt even come up once #ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one #but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me #and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just #had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we #but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc #where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass #she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask #the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy #but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own #have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent #like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward #rewarding #imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show #as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all #was kind of a shitty move #like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th #which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself #by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!! #like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there #so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall #echoed voice

[clockworkcheetah]

yknow im surprised there arent more fics with lydia and amanda

#like lydias a moody teen but her first meeting of amanda is her dying from a pararibulitis attack #i think shed be relieved to know this woman isnt actually dead #especially cause the last time she saw her until presumably 1x08 (missing scene potential) #was estevez abandoning her on the pavement when a bunch of dangerous violent men were approaching #to clarify i love estevez but i dont get anyone who thinks he was heroic for that (and i dont think hes suppose to be in that entire scene) #hes a flawed dude! i dont think the scene was bad writing at all btw #even without motm showing up he wouldve gotten amanda killed #cause he didnt know r3 helped her- aka wouldve tried to keep them away too #and he planned on carrying amanda to the hospital whilst she was seconds away from haemorrhaging her lungs #and lydia probably feels guilty for making estevez go there in the first place #so interesting dynamic and conversations there (including topics of messed up families) #and if they meet again post canon they can bully todd and be chaotic sisters #also surprised there arent more missing scene fics set between sending the machine back and todd waking in his apartment #like theres such a big gap and farah lydia estevez amanda and the rowdies are all conscious still #hmmm gaining ideas #man i got unhinged in the tags

[snixx]

Do you have someone you talk to everyday? Except family

anon why are you trying to give me an existential crisis in the middle of the day:') also. bold of you to assume i talk to my family every day jsfhdkjghjk

#EVERY day every day? idts. i do not talk to my college friends at ALL when im home over the weekends #except rarely when they text me about assignments #but i guess i talk to them every day during the working week cause i meet them every day #i guess i talk to certain mutuals pretty much every day. i think ive talked to phobicule almost every day this week #shoutout to hana and rafaela i think the past couple months ive been talking to them pretty much every day #i USED to have someone id talk to every single day even when we hadnt lived in the same city since elementary school but #that's a different story. she sucks #and i dont think we've been friends let alone best friends in like eight months now #and there were a couple of other people id talk to every day and we still do talk and i still love them as much obviously #but im just constantly drained and overworked so not EVERY day #and there are some people i wish i could talk to more but somehow have even less time and energy than i do #but i dont think we're any less close than we used to be because of that. life's just hectic we're still a call away #anon (derogatory) #<- sorry:') #im assuming you saw my college post and i dont really get why youd send this lol

[eatend]

⸻ maybe I should keep dropping hot takes , maybe i can get perma blocked by Laios wanters. In all seriousness though ! I do have a lot of disagreement with fanon collective hc ╱ view on him.

⇢ laios likes women, laios likes women, laios likes women ⇢ laios has a weird crush on marcille ! ⇢ laios has no trauma that made him dislike humanity, he just is ⇢ laios parents aren't even that bad they were just regular ass parents that needed laios to be normal for ONE second ( dead ass his nightmare is getting a proper job and getting a proper family. ) ⇢ laios was wrong for that toushiro name incident ⇢ his autism / mental illness is not an excuse for his offensive and awful treatment of people's boundaries ⇢ his family were pretty well off, laios is a privilege white man ⇢ he was a shit brother and a terrible friend.

#◜𝐋 ◞ ⸻ ⃰⊹ ooc. #* maybe if i keep yelling... #* the toushiro thing is so crazy ? maybe because I'm asian and imagining a white man fuck ass say my name wrong repeatedly and bulldozing #* my chances of talking / communicating with him makes me wanna commit crimes #* HE IS SOOO annoying but ppl wanna ignore that?? #* and like if you say “but his parents shipped Falin away cause the towns ppl thought she was scary” #" TO A SCHOOL she was sent to school! where she can learn and thrive as a person with abilities ??? SHE IS SAFER THERE THAN THEIR #loser town!! HOT TAKE is that they want to keep their kid safe from freak towns ppl. #falin still send them letters all the time!!! Laios just HATES being told what to do.

[irl]

yea

#txt #i gotta bitch rq cos im pissed sorry guys #i hate tht u dont remember none of the shit u did. i hate tht u make jokes about it even. i hate tht it feels like im always the one #to wear the burden of iron wrought weights so tht u can learn how to mellow out and not do the same to my sister #‘you opened up a lot of doors for your sister’ #yea cool im glad u chilled out and didnt also kick my sister out of the house while she was 1200 miles away with nothing but the clothes on #her back. yea cool im glad u didnt threaten disowning when she got a piercing. yea im glad she didnt have to sit thru the ordeal of u when #i first came out to u. im glad she didnt have to have our dead dad used as a damn weapon against her when she told you shes a lesbian #im glad you never sat her down and berated her for being queer for three hours and then sent her to her hole only to send her a long winded #email about how awful she is to you for being queer and how no one will be able to recognize or love her #i still have that email btw #im glad you came to me to ask for help when she was suicidal depressive instead of blaming her and insulting her and making awful #assumptions and insinuations about her #im glad you asked for help for her #but why couldnt you have been a mom to me too #why did i have to teach you all the wrong ways to handle situations so that you could handle them rigjt with her #why did i have to be the one to lockpick all of the doors in order to open them for her #whyd you have to put the locks on there in the first place #why werent you ever a mom to me #why wasnt i allowed to have parents growing up #whyd you have to hurt me since the time before i could make cohesive thought #why werent you a mom for either of us until you realized how heavily you screwed up with me #why did it take you losing me completely for you to start being a mom to my sister? #why did it take you losing me completely for you to finally listen to me instead of talk about why im wrong #im glad to have a mom now #but i couldve used a mom when i was a kid #why do you have to turn it into jokes #and why am i not allowed to be upset

[sanchoyo]

haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞

#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can #barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty #I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such #bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry #he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭 #sanchoyorambles #I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN #GIRL MY PUBBY #if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now #he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑 #which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL #screaming. #and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects #im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault #I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away #they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!! #they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭 #remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧 #my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby #it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am