#so i figured i'd postpone it until now

[hirsheyskisses]

I don't usually send in requests so it feels a bit weird to do so but can I ask for Killer with a s/o that's had a bad day or kinda stressed out and done with everything (cus gosh people are annoying) that's all, thank you.

Kill the Negativity!

KILLER x READER

Summary: you've had a fucked up day, the locals of an island driving you to your wits end, with no help from the Captain. So you seek out Killer.

a/n: killer has nice hands. Anyways this is cute! Hope you enjoy :D

"Fuckin assholes." You curse, kicking at nothing in particular as you made your way to the deck of the ship. As far as you were aware, the rest of the crew was still off on the island getting drunk. Much to your dismay, your Captain and the others had actually gotten wasted, along with the locals. You'd already been growing weary of how on your ass the red head had been, bit him finally verbally sprinkling the remarks of you not doing enough, and being the weak link, had been enough to drive you over the edge. The local drunkards had joined in, and you slipped off into the night to watch the ship.

You were used to it. You knew Kid was a pain, and you still cared for the man, but that didn't make you want to drive a stake through his heart any less at the moment.

"Be careful." The voice came from right behind you, and you spun around, fist raised and knife being drawn. However, you relaxed as you recognized the large figure before you: the masked man who innocently had his hands raised in surrender. Sighing, you sheathed your blade. "Sorry. Bit distracted."

"I noticed. It's not like you to let people come up behind you." He replied, moving a bit closer. "Surprised you aren't with Kid- now that I think about it, ya weren't at the bar." You began to move to the kitchen and Killer followed. "Didn't feel like it. Judging from your current mood, I'd assume it wasn't that fun."

You opened your mouth, about to ramble about what had happened, then chose better of it. Kid was still your captain, and bad mouthing him wasnt-

"-whatd Kidd do to get under your skin so much?"

"I'm starring to think you're a mind reader." Killer's shoulders shook a bit and he shrugged, "If I was, I wouldn't have to ask what's wrong. But anyone can see Kidd's had it out for you recently."

"Don't worry about it." You entered the kitchen with Killer hot on your tail, shutting the door behind you both. You walked to the sink and grabbed a glass, filling it with water. When you turned, you were met with strong arms caging you in, Killer towering over you.

Taking a slow sip from your drink you stared up at your lover expectantly.

"..forget about the fact he's our Captain, and tell me what he did." Killer whispered, watching as you took another drink and sighed.

"The usual drunken antics. He started screeching about how useless and in the way I am, and then the local assholes joined in. Simple and annoying as that."

Killer tensed, and you heard the softest of growls before he sighed, "I'll deal with Kid in the morning. For now.." with ease, Killer had you in his arms, one arm wrapped under your thighs so you sat, the other wrapped around your back as he left the kitchen with you. You laughed, having set your half finished glass down and wrapped your arms around his neck, and before you knew it, he had you both in your shared room.

"Chu up to, Killer?" You questioned, sliding from his hold as he set you on the bed, and locked the door. You watched as hesitated, and then began to fidget with his mask, pulling it off.

Then, you saw his beautiful face, golden hair atop his head flattened and bangs covering his ocean deep eyes.

"Mmm, there's a pretty boy." You whispered, watching Killer's face flush as he moved closer, then sat himself besides you.

"Shush and.. relax. You're so tense." You hadn't even realized how stiff you'd been until killer pointed it out. Yet again he picked you up and postponed you in-between his legs. You often admired how easily he could just- move you. Like you weighed nothing. But then again, it was Killer- nothing was too heavy for him.

His hands made their way to your shoulders. "Killer.." you mumbled, feeling his hands beginning to work, massaging your muscles. You bit your tongue, but heavens above, it felt good. The smallest of shameful noises left you and you quickly squeaked out, sorry!

Killer only smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to your cheek. "Relax. The point of this is for you to feel good. It won't get sexual." Oh, how contradicting those words could be in any other scenario. But you trusted him. Even if you still didn't plan on making more. Every so often, Killer would work a spot that had you gasping, and he'd lean back in, lips capturing yours in a gentle kiss. "Doing so good." He'd whisper, hands moving to your sides, working his fingers there.

"Don't deserve to deal with those assholes." Killer would mumble, "you're one of the strongest and most talented on the crew." "Kid knows it, he needs to express it."

His constant validation, and soft voice, had you melting in his touch. "Killer.. you're too good to me."

You leaned against his chest, staring up at your boyfriend. He met your gaze with a soft, love struck one, and smiled, "no.. you're too good for us. For me."

Killer rolled you so you laid on the bed, him towering over you, before he leaned back so he partially rested on your legs, glancing around before moving to his side, pulling you into his chest.

"It's been a while since we could really cuddle." You murmured, snuggling a bit closer. Killer nodded. "...figured you'd need it. Seriously.. I'll deal with Kid." The blonde promised, rubbing your back, and you angled your head up. "S okay. It's just how.. he is. Doesn't make me hate him any less, but.. well, I'll get over it."

He rolled his eyes. "You don't need to get over it. Kid needs a wake up call every once in a while." You nodded in agreement, "I spose so. But don't terrify him this time.. last time you scolded him he looked like he wanted to murder himself." Killer almost snorted, remembering the confused and enraged look Kid had on his face. "I make no promises."

Leaning down, he caught your lips in a kiss, gently moving closer. His movements were gentle, holding you as if you would break under any touch, lips dancing together. Your hands tangled in his hair and held him close, his own hand traveling up your side, fingers ghosting over your skin before coming to rest at your lower chest, holding you down. A slight gasp escaped you, and just for an instant, Killer had slipped his tongue in, gently prying to your tongue, before breaking away, panting softly.

"..we should sleep." You whispered, amusement in your voice to see how flustered Killer had grown, and he nodded slowly.

"Yeah.. as long as you feel a bit better.." He whispered.

"As long as you're happy."

#killer x reader #one piece killer x reader #killer #one piece x reader #one piece #kid pirates

[pumpkinbirth]

Little thing for the build a birth prompt:

🤰🏾4️⃣🏫⌛👖🛑

Exam day and the girl hides her labour by giving birth in her dorm room in complete silence, but she ends up with 3 more babies then she thought she was having.

I shifted in my seat again, no doubt to the annoyance of the student next to me, but I couldn't even spare them a thought. The questions on the page in front of me blurred as I desperately tried to focus on them, but the intense pressure in my belly and lower back was unrelenting.

Briefly I shot a glare at the professor at the head of the classroom. He had been plenty accommodating the first time I'd requested to postpone my exam, and I foolishly thought I'd only have to do that once. But then my due date, came and went, and after three more exam date changes he'd made it clear that he was out of patience. And now, apparently capitalizing on my bad luck, my baby had decided that it was out of patience too.

Swearing under my breath, I did my best to focus on the rest of the exam. To anyone else, it just looked like I was stressing out over my academic future. In reality, I was doing all I could not to have anyone notice I'd gone into labor. I exhaled shakily through my nose, my knuckles white as I gripped my pencil and waited for the contraction to pass.

The rest of the hour felt like it had stretched to at least three, and when I finally managed to cross the room to hand in my paper I didn't even pause to hear whatever comment the professor had for me. I clutched my bag tightly to my side and made a beeline for the door, hoping that everyone else was too engrossed in their work to notice my hasty exit.

My vision tunneled as I hurriedly entered the nearby bathroom, relief flashing through me when I found it to be empty. I locked the stall behind me and carelessly tossed my things to the floor, my breathing ragged as I struggled to shove my leggings down so I could check myself. Or tried to check myself, at least, but the drastic swell of my belly had dropped, making it so I could only shallowly dip my fingertips into my cunt. Tears welled up as I let out a frustrated groan and carefully pulled my leggings back up, my mind racing.

I just have to make it back to the dorm, I thought as I gathered my things, and I'll figure it out from there.

---

By the time I made it to my dorm room I looked and felt like a mess, cheeks flushed and forehead sweaty. I could feel my shirt sticking to my back, and I was all too glad to finally be able to undress. My jacket, shirt and leggings were piled at the door, and I couldn't help letting out a sigh of relief as I felt the cool air on my hot, sweat slicked belly.

Despite only being a couple weeks overdue, it looked as though my baby had done another nine months worth of growing, and I carefully massaged my poor stretched skin. Before long I could feel the telltale pressure mounting, and I grit my teeth to brace for another contraction. They'd become closer and closer together during the walk to my dorm, and my heart raced as I realized it wouldn't be long until--

pop!

My eyes shot open as I felt and heard it, barely managing to muffle a moan as my water broke and pooled at my feet, my thighs trembling and slick with it as it just kept coming. With that last little barrier gone, my labor quickly shifted from 'very uncomfortable' to 'actually painful', and I realized I'd have to keep quiet in order not to attract any concerned knocks.

Keeping a hand over my mouth, I powered through the pain enough to cross the room to my bed, hastily pulling my blankets and pillows off onto the floor beneath me before using the side as a support for my back as I carefully lowered myself into a deep squat. Without being able to properly check my progress, I had no choice but to listen to what my body decided it should do, so when the next contraction came I finally allowed myself to try pushing.

It felt so strange, pain and relief and pleasure all mixing as I whimpered into my sweaty palm. With every contraction I could feel my baby getting closer and closer to being born, and it was all I could do not to scream with relief as the head finally crowned. Adrenaline pumped through me now, and I barely waited before pushing again, my cunt stretched impossibly wide for the shoulders, then all at once I felt the rest of its slick body coming out, cushioned by the pillows below.

My chest heaved as I carefully brought my baby up to me, catching my breath as I checked him over. Despite how huge my belly had grown, he was an average sized baby, so why then--

Before I could even finish the thought a familiar pain came over me again, and I had to do my best to keep from hyperventilating. I hadn't gotten that big just because I was overdue, but because there was more than one baby in there. Frantically I felt around until I found a discarded pajama top next to me and stuffed the fabric in my mouth before carefully placing my baby on my bed so I could focus on giving birth to its sibling.

The silver lining, if you could call it that, was that I didn't have to stretch quite as much this time, but that didn't keep me from moaning and whimpering into the fabric as I pushed hard. Tears of relief brimmed as I felt myself crowning again, and I tucked my chin close to my chest as I fought to birth the rest of my surprise baby.

Bringing it to my chest revealed a girl this time, and I held her close as I reveled in finally being done. Until another twinge of pain ran through me yet again.

Please just be the placenta, please please--! I begged inwardly, but as I let the contraction run its course, the pressure against my cervix was unmistakable now. My poor, overworked cunt was slick with birthing fluid, the blankets and pillows beneath me thoroughly ruined as I bore down, praying to whatever would hear me that this was the last time I'd have to give birth. My belly, smaller now but still hanging heavily between my spread thighs, trembled with the combined force of the contractions and my pushes, and I sobbed into my balled up shirt as I guided my third child into the world.

My face was beet red as I shakily removed the shirt from my mouth and rested my head back against the side of my bed, where my other two babies lay sleeping as I held their triplet.

I could only let out a weary "F-fuck..." when I soon felt another contraction.

#pumpkin answers #pumpkin writes #pregnancy kink #labor kink #birth kink #build a birth

[milkyetoile]

I postponed continuing Fantasy High after watching the first character introductions because I'm just personally not very fond of high school plots and characters now. but then, after randomly watching Misfits & Magic then A Crown of Candy (and The Ravening War after hahaha rip my heart ig) plus maybe half of Escape from Bloodkeep, I thought I'd just bite the bullet and try to watch D20 series in sequence.

I did not expect to be invested in these magical high school adventurers. but I binged S1 in less than a week and I have decided I'm going to adopt these intrepid heroes as my children lol (can I say I'm Gorgug's dad now too--). it's been so much fun to figure out the mysteries with these teens and seeing their growth as characters. it's also been interesting to see how these brilliant improvisers came together as a team. plus their commitment to all the silly bits, god, I love them, they're so unhinged. like, I already realized it from other seasons but damn, the extent of it in comparison to ACOC, the only other season I've watched with exactly the same cast 🤣🤣🤣

also, seeing their interactions with each other and the adults has been cathartic in a way, as someone who didn't have the best experience with school or my parents. it's been comforting and healing in a way I didn't expect.

anyway, I no longer have the excuse to keep binging since I finally have energy to be productive so S2 will have to wait until I finish working on stuff and preparing for new work starting soon haha but I am looking forward to it <3

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high spoilers

[stratossphere]

home | j.k

you get a nice little surprise when you think johnny won’t be back from his trip for another week or so.

warnings: basically all fluff, smoking

word count: 2.2k

tags: @asskickedbygirl @kristinee @lizey-thornberry @faceache111 @brandons-wife

— —

Giving Johnny a key to your apartment had been the best decision you had ever made. At times.

Sometimes it was nice because you’d be sitting on your couch, stewing in despair over whatever was bothering you that day, and suddenly he'd be in your living room with a pack of beer and that sweet smile. Other times he would let himself in when you weren’t there and fuck with your stuff. It was the luck of the draw.

However, today, for once in your life, you got lucky. It was the hottest it felt like it had ever been in LA, and you were lying in bed in just a tank top in your underwear and hating your life. It was one of the rare times where you had just thrown in the towel and called out of work, and as much as you enjoyed time to yourself, you were bored and miserable. Johnny was off filming something that you weren't needed for in Pennsylvania, and all your friends were either working or refusing to go out in the heat, so you were alone.

That is, until your bedroom door bursted open and scared the ever-loving shit out of you. You jumped ten feet into the air (or into a sitting position, depending on how you looked at it), and then immediately broke into your first smile of the miserable day when you were met with the sight of Johnny Knoxville himself.

"Well, would you look at this. All spread out for me, and you didn't even know I was coming." He announced his arrival loudly, an beaming grin on his face and an amused look in his eye as he pushed the door completely open and looked you over. You launched out of bed and into his arms.

"You're not supposed to be back for another week and a half!" You said excitedly as you threw your arms around him, ignoring his chuckle of surprise as you inhaled the familiar scent of his cologne.

"Well, everyone got hurt so bad we had to postpone. I figured I'd come in and hang out with you, which is clearly just going to be vegetating in this bed." He said, motioning to your unmade bed and the clothes you were wearing. "Nice outfit."

"Aw, you came just to snuggle?" You teased, already helping him get his shirt over his head. You assessed his torso, trying to figure out if there were any new injuries you should've been attending to before you let him into your bed, but you were only able to find old bruises that you'd already seen and healing cuts that were fine on their own. "You didn't get hurt, did you?"

"Uh...a little bump to the head." He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of said head as you undid his belt for him. He must've gotten hit pretty hard, considering he was making no lewd comments at your actions. "But I got cleared to go home within an hour of getting to the hospital, so it's not even a big deal."

"You didn't call me. I could've come and got you." You’d been on enough overnight flights to Pennsylvania. One more wouldn't have hurt. He rubbed away the pout on your lips with the pad of his thumb, his grin quickly returning as he kicked his Dickies off.

"Then you would've just worried, and when you get worried, I get worried." He reasoned, finally ridding himself of everything but his boxers before dropping down on your bed. "And you know I can't have my girl stressin', now."

"You're so annoying." You giggled as he pulled you towards the bed by your bare leg, his hand splayed over your thigh as he pulled you in until you were collapsing down on the bed, half on top of him. "You are supposed to be healing!"

"I am!" He said back whilst mocking your tone, pulling you into his chest and digging his fingernails into your sides just to make you squirm. "I'm getting time in with my sweet pea!"

"Ugh. I hate it when you call me that." You groaned, shoving his face away from your neck with your hands on his cheeks as he attempted to bite you. Yeah. You totally weren’t missing your personal space at all.

"Would you rather I call you my bitch?" He pointed out, pulling the covers over you both like a cocoon and wrapping his arms tightly around you. You laughed into his neck, pulling your leg over his hip as he continued. "You, ma'am, are supposed to be at the office editing our footage right now."

"Okay, I called out! I'm human!" You groaned, rolling away from him and onto your back. "Do you know how boring it is to sit in my office with complete silence for 14 hours? I don't like going in when no one else is there."

"You just missed me." He accused, rising up on his stomach with his elbows braced against the mattress so that he could look over at you with your leg still over his back. "Tremaine doesn't think you're really sick."

"I bet he doesn't. I told him it was my cat’s birthday." You snickered, because you knew for a fact that Jeff knew you didn’t have a cat, only to see an unimpressed stare on your boyfriend's face. "What? I never ask off!"

"Were you just planning on sitting around lookin' like a hot piece of ass while you did nothing all day?" He mused, rolling closer to you so that he could drop his head heavily onto your shoulder. You laughed, re-positioning so that you were comfortable again before carding your fingers through his hair.

"Yes. You nailed my thought process exactly." You said dryly, rolling your eyes as he settled in his spot and let out a deep sigh against your neck. "You sure you're okay? You don't need any water or medicine for your head?"

"You're already in bed, babydoll. It's fine." He reassured, throwing an arm over your stomach and clearly just saying that so that his comfort wasn't disturbed by you getting up. However, he had a habit of downplaying his injuries by concerning amounts, and you weren't taking any chances.

"Come on. You can come with me." You coaxed, sitting up and then ignoring his whining as you slid out of bed. You did manage to get him out of bed after you, and then he was trailing after you towards the kitchen, a pout on his face as you grabbed his hand to make sure he was still moving.

"Do you want water or Gatorade?" You’d forgotten you had a choice of both, and you leaned forward with your hand on the fridge door to check the lowest shelf, but instead of answering you, his hands just grabbed your hips and pulled them back against him.

"I'll take whatever you give me, gorgeous." He said suggestively, and when you turned around, he was grinning like an idiot. When he saw the unimpressed look on your face, however, he straightened. "Gatorade, please."

"You know, you're something else. You haven't seen me for two weeks, and you haven't even asked me how I've been. Or given me a kiss yet." You pointed out as you handed over the Gatorade, closing the fridge and then opening your cabinet to start looking for Tylenol. You then felt arms around your waist and a certain someone draped against your back.

"I know how you've been, because you call me every night, honey." He reminded you in your ear, a chuckle coming with his words. You knew it was true, and you grinned.

"It's rhetorical. You don't actually need to do it, but you should anyways." You said with finality, pulling out a bottle of pills and then turning. Before you could even move, he was pressing a wet kiss right to your lips, hand cupping your cheek.

"Well then how has your day been?" He asked dryly, giving you another kiss before taking the pills that you handed over to him. You smiled like he'd just brightened your day by tenfold, opening the Gatorade bottle that he had neglected to drink after taking the pills for him and then sliding it over.

"Thank you for asking. First I called you, then I called Jeff, smoked, showered, went back to sleep, and then I was just laying there until you came home." You said as he started to tiredly stumble back towards your room, following behind and taking his still-full Gatorade with you just in case. Johnny didn’t actually live with you, but you liked calling your apartment his home regardless. It was your own little comfort.

"So, what you're saying is that it wasn’t your kitty’s birthday?" He concluded with a teasing tone, gently switching you around so that you were walking in front of him before you entered your room. You immediately grabbed your cigarette pack off of your dresser, sticking it between your lips and lighting it with a lighter that took five clicks to ignite before you rolled your eyes.

"I needed a day off or else I was going to die." You supplemented, shooting him your most convincing smile as you exhaled a tunnel of smoke out of the way of his face. “Get me a cat and I’ll have a legit excuse.”

"Yeah. Because that’s what you need." He muttered, rolling his eyes as he passed you to sit down on his unofficial side of the bed. You shot him a look as you took another drag and followed after him, ashtray in tow because you knew that whatever head injury he had was going to make him sleepy.

"Hey. Be nice." You said sternly, clearing the sitting smoke in the air with a wave of your hand as you crawled into bed beside him. "What, you grumpy because you're sick?"

"Yes." He huffed from where he had sunk down against his pillow, rolling onto his side before stretching out so that he was taking up most of the space on the bed. You rolled your eyes, pushing his arm out of the way as you tried to at least earn yourself enough room to lie down comfortably.

"Oh, you poor thing." You said sarcastically, holding his face in your hand and giving him a fake pout of sympathy. "Are you going to survive your stupidity?"

"You know, I come here to get away from all the teasing and actually have someone who likes me." He complained, pulling his face out of your grasp and turning away from you in your bed like he was mad at you. You set your cigarette in the ashtray that you had set on the nightstand before you promptly threw yourself over his side, sliding under his arm so that he was forced to put it around your shoulders.

"I'm kidding! I like you the most out of everyone!" Just as you finished your sentence, he suddenly flipped over and wrestled you down until he was laying on top of you, pulling an unintentional shriek out of your mouth.

"You're like a little leech. Always attaching yourself." He teased as he choked you out with his arm that you had put around your own shoulders, his weight crushing your voice in your throat when you attempted to call truce. "And sucking on me, if you know what I mean."

"You douche." You gasped when he finally broke his chokehold after your incessant tapping out on his arm, shoving him away from you with your foot. "We're supposed to be cuddling!"

"We are!" He protested, wrapping you up in his arms right on cue to prove his point and pressing a kiss to your jaw. "Although, when you get me half naked in your bed and start rubbing and laying all over me, I can't be expected to behave myself."

"Shut up. I was in the middle of trying to take a nap when you showed up." You complained, holding true to his calling you a leech by throwing your arm over his stomach and burying your face in his neck. You could smell his cologne, and even that was relaxing to you after not seeing him for a while.

"Oh. My bad." He spoke dryly, but didn't speak after that, settling in his position and holding you tight against him. It was hot with your skin pressed together but you didn't care, his closeness trumping everything that could've possibly bothered you at that moment. "I missed your ass, you know that?"

"I missed you too babe. Shh." You mumbled, hugging him a little tighter and then relaxing against him. Every time you got to see him again, it's like you were experiencing him brand-new all over again. You were able to fall asleep so fast when he was around that it was almost embarrassing.

So, within a few minutes of even getting into bed, you were passed out, fingers pressed against his warm skin and legs tangled up in his completely. His nails scratched gently at your back, his breath evening out soon after yours as you both soaked in as much of each other as you could get after having to spend so much time apart.

#johnny knoxville #johnny knoxville x reader #johnny knoxville fic #jeff tremaine #jackass #jackass mtv #jackass imagine #jackass movie

[the---hermit]

I enjoyed looking at the snow until it lasted, by the end of the afternoon the trees where almost bare again.

05|12|2023

In the end yesterday evening I ended up finishing my study and exam session plan. I was feeling too nervous about it and so I just sat down with it after taking a small break and tried to figure things out. As last year the exam dates were organized terribly, which makes planning and scheduling things more complicated than it normally would be. I ended up decided to postpone my English lit exam to April. Mostly because of a preparation time thing. December is going to be quite busy for me study wise, and I'd like to also do some external work in my family's store because holiday season is always quite chaotic and I want to help. Researching and writing a paper plust rereading all the books and studying what was said in the lectures would be impossible while studying for other classes. Since in February I will only have one class to attend to I will be able to properly focus on my English lit work and do something I am proud of instead of rushing it now. This means that for the winter exam session I will be trying to take two exams: power practices and men theories (which one of the biggest exams in terms of material and so the grade will be very revalent) and history of the philosophy of the enlightenment (the class I am currently taking and on which I am working quite well because I am half way into the materials). I will have one exam in Jaunary and the other at the beginning of February, though I am not settled on which I will be taking first. I will take a couple of weeks to decide. In the meantime my goal is to read and annotate as much as I can the book for my power practieces class before the holidays. Wish me luck.

calm hobbit winter activities and productivity:

read first thing in the morning

started reading and annotating the book for my power practices bookand men theories class

Irish practice on duolingo

daily dose of podcasts to make my brain shut up

today's self care:

skipped class since I want to be fully back on my feet before going back to my commute routine and all

took my meds and supplements

payed attention to eat slowly and tonight I'm having soup which is going to fix everything

📖:Bookshops and Bonedust by Travis Baldree, Nature Human Nature and Human Difference by Justin E.H. Smith

#studyblr #studyinspo #uniblr #university #studying #student life #study space #journal #journaling #productivity #calm hobbit winter #mine #the---hermit #knife gang

[the-moon-loves-the-sea]

Pride's a strange time for me. For years it was a quiet, sad, hopeful little silent celebration for me -- for as long as it took to get my family all the way out of the cult where we trained, and worked, and worshiped, and lived.

Whenever we run into people from the cult who've made it out -- really out, not just left but stopped believing in the demons that haunt forbidden things waiting to latch onto us, and the immediate perfection of the soul, and our responsibility to personally bring about the imminent end of the world -- when we find them it's like finding family. They know what it was like.

So we sat around the table, the other night, talking about how the church attached to it closed down, and how much worse we felt for a while after we left, and how much better we feel now. And then one of them said that the cult might be about to close too. They're running out of money. They have been for a long time, but they've got no land and no companies left to sell.

So I went into Pride with a strange feeling of collapse -- restraint gone with the walls of the place that used to stand between me and the rest of you.

My sister just left a few months ago. My mom a few months before that. Neither of them has really processed how it was, though they've started to understand a bit. When I try to talk to them about it, they shut down. The boundaries of the things they're not allowed to think still hold. They might always. Hell is a deep fear.

It's strange that the one thing I'm thankful I took from the cult was my partner. I'm so glad I've got him -- me, a dyke, not that I knew that when I got married; my first kiss was my wedding day and we hadn't done more than hold hands. He was the first one to ask if I wanted to leave. He wanted me to be okay more than he wanted me to stay. He's been the first one to gladly hear all the things I was doubting and all the forbidden things I'd learned. He's made space for me and kept liking me while I've learned how to be angry and sad and assertive and tired. He's figured out how to be my partner now that I can't be his wife any more.

For a while we had plans to separate as soon as I finished college. My cult's college degree is unaccredited and I have no work experience outside them and the church. I don't even know how to write a resume. We've had to postpone that indefinitely. Kiddo has multiple disabilities, and one of us needs to stay with her, and my partner has work experience, so he's bringing in the income. We're in a holding pattern. And yet.

Our house does not belong to them. None of our income comes through them. They don't have access to records of our spiritual care or our mental health. I have an ex-fundie lesbian therapist, and meds, and friends. I've got a queer book club. I can go to Pride with my family, look across the street at my friend from the cult praying and protesting the event, and know that if she sees me, it doesn't matter any more. I own my soul.

Year by year the boundaries of me get clearer. I don't feel like a ghost now, and I'm figuring out how to be a person.

I've been here on tumblr for twelve years, over the whole course of this slow escape, from the year I married my husband until now. A lot of what I saw here helped me imagine a happy future for us, and learn about queer history, and give a sense of family and a place in the world. I know some of you are coming from similar pain, and I hope you know I'm with you. And I don't talk about my life on here that often, but it's good that I can. The only people left living with me love all of me. Happy Pride, y'all.

#i couldn't post anything like this till they let us turn off reblogs #im not ready for this one to go around #but i wanted to say it. #i'm glad i'm here #posting this is still hard #some part of me feels like they’re going to see it #and there will be some nebulous consequences #but most of me just feels pride.

[zenatness]

Started an evil dark urge run and uh... uhhhh...

Sceleritas Fel just casual drops it in there that you used to be into necrophilia like it's no big deal, huh?

I wasn't going to romance Astarion this time around, but seeing how my little shit took one look at him and started thinking about a perfect pretty corpse and now this... I'm conflicted.

Also, hilariously, I've reached level 4 and nobody knows that Astarion is a vampire. We talked to the monster hunter and mr I'm-just-a-regular-if-super-pale-elf-I-swear is just vibrating with nervous energy the whole conversation. I naturally offered the hunter to join our group of misfits (he declined, Astarion let out a panicked 'no' and scrambled for an explanation - our resident charlatan, people). I almost want to rush through act 1 to see how long we can keep this up.

Oh, yes, and Alfira is dead. I'd been spoiled on that front, and I thought I was being clever not going over and talking to her, figuring I could postpone that event until later (ideally until Astarion had revealed himself so I could blame him for it) but uh... game thwarted me on that front. Corpse hidden successfully anyway, and somehow no one has any questions about the weird symbols painted in blood in the middle of camp.

#baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #dark urge spoilers #what the hell is Fel anyway? #he looks vaguely goblin-like but... still not #his nose is a beak? #thanks for the nice cape though #my cold has improved significantly #not quite at 'reading long texts' yet #but I could take the dog for a walk this evening #and didn't have to lie down afterwards #whoooo

[rainbows-fanfics]

All'inzio (Chapter 14)

Summary: A soldier-in-training, Valerie hopes to join the  Valencian Army to avenge her father's death under the wing of General  Rooke. But when she happens to catch the attention of Commander Kane,  her plans take a different turn.

Human AU of the Armada from Pirate101, where Kane meets his Queen.

Pairing: Kane/Queen

--

Note:  The title translates to "at the beginning".

--

Kane gave a patient wave of the hand to Valerie as he stepped outside to speak with this 'visitor'. On the surface, he appeared calm. He promised the woman he'd be back in a few minutes. Deep down, however, he felt impatient, as he already anticipated what this 'talk' was going to be about. And he didn't want to have it so soon.

Ensuring their conversation couldn't be eavesdropped, they went out of earshot from the door. They walked into the hallway and steered clear of the staircase as Deacon led them out of sight. Kane sighed with little patience as he rested on the wall, shifting his weight as his gaze went to the other man. He gave him a skeptical look behind his mask - one he knew would portray his frustration on being disturbed at such a personal time.

"I thought we were going to talk tomorrow..?"

"Yes, but I needed to speak with you. To no avail..."

He motioned to his broken communicator. He figured this would be the best time to take care of such a problem and held his hand out. Deacon got the message and untied it from his wrist, allowing him to inspect it. He took the pair of pliers from his pocket and began to mess with the wiring. As he worked, he could feel the other pair of blue eyes intently watching him.

"I spoke with Rooke before I came here. Both of ours are broken."

"I'd inform Bishop about it, but I have no means right now." He watched as it sprung to life. He handed it back to him. "What was so urgent that you needed to see me?"

"This....whole thing." He gestured around. "Your absence from Cadiz is starting to have an effect on our resources. Pulling Rooke already caused setbacks, but with your disappearance-"

He held up a hand and Deacon quieted down. Calmly, he replied, "I assured you I would return by the end of this month, and I intend--"

"-It's already been a month, Kane." He dropped his arms to his sides. "Without you or Rooke's command, our soldiers aren't prepared at all for the war. We're behind on our resources, and Bishop can contain everything for only so long. I am starting to worry that you postponing your return will end unfavorably."

"I understand this is a vulnerable time for our military. I'll fix everything when I return."

A long sigh sounded from behind the bauta mask. Before he could say anything, they heard a door opening and closing nearby. They found another occupant standing in the vicinity. They decided to move their conversation elsewhere, climbing down the staircase and finding their way outside. They stayed near the walls and bushes of the garden. No one else happened to be out at this hour, which was fortunate for them.

Deacon reached into one of his pockets and surfaced a pack of cigarettes. Kane watched with unimpressed eyes as he lit the end of one and inhaled from under his mask. As he exhaled, he noticed the judgemental gaze and brought his eyes away.

"This is the first I've had in weeks. It's a stressful time."

"If Phule quit, then I expect you will, too."

He brought his head down and nodded vaguely. Now wasn't the time to be pestered about his habits. The thought of even touching his pack hadn't occurred to him until now. He was anxious. Kane could be difficult when it came to his decisions - Deacon seldom had the luck to appeal to his senses, especially when he insisted on being stubborn about it. Rarely came such cases...but it was obvious this talk wasn't going to be easy.

"This....woman, you've been around." He flicked the ashes off his glove. "Who is she, exactly?"

"I suspect you already know?"

"I've done the research. But I don't know who she is."

Kane was quiet for a second. "Tell me what you have."

He took a moment to recall his half hour of background checking. "-Valerie Toscani, 36, born in Tuscany; a cadet under the temporary command of Rooke. The latest change in her file was to recommend navy training."

"You found her residence."

"I had intuition you'd be here." He shrugged his shoulders. "That, and Rooke told me you were still in Florenza."

"He mentioned her name?"

"No. But since I heard you were entrusting a previous client with a personal business, and left on the same day as the cadets' graduation, I assumed you were with someone." He discarded the cigarette, using the sole of his shoe to extinguish its end. "That was when I asked Rooke, and he mentioned her."

"..."

"When I looked at what has been reported from our base here, there were mentions of the Supreme Commander overseeing the work. And I know they aren't in as dire need of your assistance as, say, Cadiz would."

"Where are you getting at..?"

"You're wasting your time here. And I want to know why it's with this woman."

Kane rubbed his temples. He never underestimated Deacon - he was good at his job, this just being one example. Even though he expected this to happen, he still didn't have his answer as prepared as he'd like to. There were things he was still unsure about. His silence was noted as the other figure stared at him. Eventually, it was broken with a question.

"-Are you two in a relationship..?"

"No. Not...." He looked away. "Not yet."

This obviously caught his interest. "So you like her, then?"

"Dio santo, how else do you want me to put it..?"

Deacon went quiet for a few seconds, absorbing this information. He rubbed his chin under his mask. He speculated as such when he learned a woman was involved, but he didn't expect to hear such an answer. The Court have gone several years without seeing Kane involved with anyone. The thought hadn't occurred to any of them - at least, not until now...

"I suggest you wrap this up as soon as you can. His majesty is starting to get concerned with not having you around. He asked me to have you back tomorrow."

The Supreme Commander shook his head. "Not possible."

"It is, if I arrange a ship to come by for you."

"Deacon-" He held a hand over his mouth. "-That is not necessary. I need until the end of this week, at least. Then, I assure you, I will have everything back in my hands."

His posture deflated. "A week is all I can ask for. I worry this is going to distract you any longer. You've spent too long over here as it is."

"You think I don't know that?"

Things grew silent. There was some tension growing between them - he could tell Kane was getting stressed. He expected nothing else from delivering this news. He had a feeling his return wouldn't be so soon. And after learning why, Deacon couldn't exactly blame him. The least he could do was ask King Casimir to grant a few days more and ask if Rooke can continue overseeing things in the meantime.

He waited for the right time to ask. "What makes her so special..?"

"That's what I don't know." He crossed his arms. "She shares a distaste in pirates, has the same interests I do, and she's determined with her ambitions..."

"Sounds like your type."

Kane chuckled, then hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe you're right."

"I should leave now if I want to make it back by morning." He flicked open his pocket watch to check the time. "I trust you'll be spending these few days wisely..?"

"I will. Thank you, for this."

"I owe it to you," He slid the watch back in its rightful place. "Glad to hear you're seeing someone."

"A risentirci presto."

The other man departed, leaving Kane to reflect on their conversation. He did this for a brief time, taking a small stroll and staring at the bushes in thought. He mused on many things - the most being how he will leave Florenza without feeling like he has left Valerie. Such an idea left him conflicted, and even more disturbed at the fact he'd feel dreadful otherwise...

----

Valerie pressed her head against the door after they left. She intended on listening in to their conversation - wanting to know more about this strange man and what business he had with Kane. She sighed in defeat when she heard their footsteps disappear down the hallway. She removed her head and retreated to the couch, where she resorted to sitting and waiting for their return.

The longer she sat there, the more her thoughts wandered. It felt nearly like a dream, holding the Supreme Commander and listening to the noises of the night together. Just when the they got comfortable, they had to get interrupted...what would've happened if Deacon hadn't come around, she wondered? Had they been going somewhere, or was she just imagining things..? He gripped her hand back, she could've sworn...

After several minutes passed, she sighed. She went outside to collect their cups and began washing them in the kitchen. The moment was long gone, so there would be no need to continue talking out there. As she dried her hands, the sound of knocking came from the front door. She practically skipped to it and peered through the peep hole. She was delighted to find Kane waiting on the other side.

She swung it open to find his surprised face. She noticed he was alone. "Where did Deacon go?"

"He had to leave."

He dipped his head and she got the message to let him in. He plopped down on one of the cushions and sat his hat on the table. Something about his posture seemed fatigued. Her eyes curiously stared at his hair as she sat next to him. She was curious to know what was said - there was something different about him now...

"What did you two talk about?"

"Personal matters."

'So he's going to play this game?' "Was it something important?"

He shuffled in his seat. Judging by the way he lowered his head, he caved in to her curiosities. "I return to Cadiz in a week. How long I will remain there is unsure, but I will have a great absence from Florenza when the time comes."

"You're going to leave, just like that..?" She widened her eyes. Then she narrowed them suspiciously. "I thought you had things to attend to here..."

"I've attended to them long enough. My stay here is starting to affect things, and I must return as soon as possible." He looked away for a moment. "I think it's important to tell you."

Her look turned troubled. How else could she take this news? If he left, she'd be alone here. She hadn't made many friends since it was difficult blending in without him. She wasn't sure if she looked forward to any of that. "Couldn't you do something to stay..?"

This entire time he appeared serious, but now she saw a look of emotion cross his face. His next words came out weary. "How many times I have...I'm afraid the King has grown impatient, and requests my assistance again. I cannot reject his majesty."

She leaned towards him slowly, bringing a hand to fiddle with his badge. "Not even for me..?"

A noise escaped his throat. "I've already been here a month for you."

"Can't you make it a little longer, then..? I'm simply not ready to say goodbye to you so soon-"

Before she could finish, he sharply inhaled through his nose. Just imagining what would happen in his absence unsettled him. He'd seen how close she got with Aristide....and after learning his intentions, it was inevitable she'd be asked by him soon. He only had less than a week to make his move. There was no use avoiding this anymore. He understood what he wanted with her. He just needed to get through it as soon as possible if he truly wanted this.

"When I first inspected you back at your post, I did not believe I would find anything special about you. Nothing past what I wanted to know, of course." He got more comfortable in his seat, resting his elbows at his knees and intertwining his fingers together. "But there was something about you...something that caused me to believe we had more in common than I thought."

Her eyes were inquisitive as they went about his mask. He turned to look her in the eye. "-It has been a long time since I wasn't so busy with my career. I haven't had the time to form a connection with anyone beyond my coworkers and family."

"That makes sense. You are a busy man..."

"Which was why I got lucky with you. Spending time with a woman...I forgot what this was all like."

She smiled, dipping her head slightly. "I cannot tell you the last time I really had...a man to talk to. I got so swept up with my military career that it never occurred to me. Wanting to meet and get to know someone..."

As her words trailed off, she realized exactly where this conversation was heading. That was when she lost the words she was going to say. She looked up and found a smile on his lips. It was relieving to know she was on the same boat - Kane hadn't realized how much he distanced himself from others until he met her.

"Where were you going with this..?"

Her voice snapped him from his thoughts. Now was the time to finally address the elephant in the room. "-I think you can tell I enjoy your company. I assure you, I wouldn't have gone through all this trouble just for anyone."

She felt her ears burning. "I thought you would for ANY 'promising soldier'..."

"I found more to admire about you. Your taste in the arts and fashion, it's...congenial. You're passionate, you're beautiful, and I see lots of potential in you. You remind me of myself, the more I think about it." He rubbed his chin in thought. "Knowing I have to leave Florenza - I think I am going to miss you."

Her heart began to pound in her chest. After all this time waiting, the tension they've endured - this was finally happening. Clenching her hands, she decided this would be the best time to spill her true feelings about the Commander. With so little time until he had to leave, why waste it?

"I started having feelings for you the moment I saw you." She moved her eyes so she wouldn't have to see his reaction. "I heard so many things about you; I just thought you were a celebrity all those young girls fawned over. But actually meeting and getting to know you....I realized there were things I didn't know."

She closed her eyes, feeling too nervous to look at his face. "I know it is unprofessional - I'm your subordinate, but everyone was talking about you and saying these things....I'm not sure how right it is to feel anymore..."

He laughed, startling her. "You do know I am the highest in my position? I can do whatever I want."

She became flustered. "Still! Isn't it...wrong, to feel this way for your superiors..?"

"Should it be immoral for me to feel this way about one of my soldiers?"

"...Well-" She slumped in defeat. He had a point. "What I am trying to say is...you're famous. You're the sort of man I would only have in my dreams."

His eyes glowed in delight at this information. "Is that so?"

"Moving into my own place, thinking about you all the time...it leaves me feeling lonely. There are so many things I want to share with someone else, and you have been the only one here with me."

She became touch-starved and found her way to his shoulder, where she caressed his epaulets. Confessing this left her hot inside, but the conversation was anything but tense. "You don't know much I am going to miss you...I'm not sure what it'll be like to live here without you around."

His hand came to her face, where he rubbed her cheek using the side of his thumb. She leaned into the touch and frowned. Something about this situation made her heart sink. Confessing to a man she only has a week left with...

"I'm glad you feel the same way," He told her.

"I feel more strongly for you than you think..."

Her body experienced that familiar yearning again. Kane made no move of protest when she got a few inches away from his face. She could feel herself trembling. Just now she noticed he lingered of the smell of smoke, but even then, it wasn't a bother to her. She was close enough that her shoulder brushed against his insignia. He brought his arm around to press the back of the couch, allowing her to fill the gap between them and rest her hand on his chest.

She let her touch linger, waiting to see what would happen. Her breathing pounded in her ears. She grew the courage look up and found a curious look in his eyes. There was some sort of spark in them. The same one as before. Her hand found its way to his face, which she caressed as she licked her lips. His stare didn't break, and in a moment of awe, she attempted to finger her way under his mask.

This caught his attention. He guided her hand away with his, making her whine in disappointment. "Much too early." Was all he said.

Her hand felt cold. She warmed it with a slight huff. "-Must you always wear that mask?"

His hand came to her back, where he pressed her against him. She made a surprised noise as the side of her cheek touched his. "You'll see my face eventually. No need to get impatient."

"But you're leaving..."

"-Florenza. Not you." Butterflies emerged in her stomach. "I'll ensure we have contact. And even then, I have every intention on returning to you."

Her eyelids drooped. She brought both her hands to the sides of his face. She was shaking. "Kane..."

His voice became a whisper. "Yes?"

"..."

She didn't know what came over her. How long she waited for this, and now that the situation was unfolding before her, she wanted to seal the deal. She leaned forward, closing her eyes as the space between them grew smaller. Goosebumps grew along her arms the moment his breath came onto her skin. They didn't have long to go before their lips interlocked. She practically melted on him as he brought her closer. She was urged into his lap as their kiss deepened, wrapping her arms around his neck to gain better leverage.

Oh, good god...

Their position was making her hot. The way they passionately pressed their lips together created a small burning sensation in her stomach. She readjusted herself, more or less straddling his lap. They made strong eye contact as they pulled away. She recognized the look of desire in his irises - the way he spread his legs as he leaned back on the cushions. His gloved hands made their way to her hips, where they lightly fingered the golden trim of her dress.

"I guess now would be a good time to ask nicely..." She rested her forehead on his mask. Her grip felt weak as she grabbed at his uniform. She was so close to losing her composure, though she desperately tried not to show it. "-Would you stay the night with me..?"

Kane was quiet. She wondered why he wasn't saying anything until she realized he hooked his arms under her thighs. She was brought into the air as he stood from the couch, supporting her with an arm under her rear and the other on her back. Her legs squeezed around his form as he held her. The air felt cold against her skin as he walked them out of her living room. The heat between her legs grew immensely when she realized they were heading towards her bedroom.

"I can make an exception," He finally told her, digging his fingers into the bare flesh of her thigh. She shivered.

The last tender thing she recalled was him opening her door using the sole of his boot. What happened the rest of the night was anything but gentle. It would permanently settle in her mind. Not once during their evening did Kane take off his mask - but it wasn't necessary. Everything they shared; their closeness, the contact of their skin, and the conjoined experience neither of them had in years...She shivered in delight recalling the places he touched her and the things he whispered into her ear...His body under that military uniform was so clean, lined with abs and muscles...she never fell more in love. His strength came to an advantage pleasing her - she had experiences she instantly obsessed over.

. . .

. . .

The air felt hot as she laid back on the sheets. Her blankets and pillows were a mess - a result of their heated session that lasted longer than she expected. She was still writhing from the release she had only moments ago. The smile was wide on her face, humming in delight as Kane rested beside her. He was sweaty from the experience. Watching it drip from his neck and onto his collarbone made her bite her lip. His eyes looked tired as they met with hers, but the pleasure was apparent on his face. He stood from her bed and went through the trouble of picking up his clothes and folding them.

During this silence, his voice broke the ice. "You have a beautiful figure."

Her cheeks darkened when she realized she was still nude. Her eyes hungrily trailed down his own stature. "And you have such an attractive build..."

He chuckled, then added sincerely, "Every part of you is gorgeous."

She remembered the way he squeezed and touched her frame merely minutes ago. She busied herself with making the bed and noticed he set his belongings on her nightstand. The one thing he neglected to take off was his mask. By this point, she didn't really care. He shared enough of himself with her. Though, she was curious if he'd end up sleeping in the thing...she imagined it'd be uncomfortable - and all to keep his face a secret...

"Would you mind if I used your shower?" He asked.

She motioned for him to go on, grabbing his hat and setting it on her lap. "Go ahead. I'll hold onto your things so you won't think of leaving."

"Sounds fair to me."

As he cleaned himself up in her restroom, she held his hat close to her chest and sighed in bliss. She set it back with his other things and brought herself into the covers, hoping for him to join. Several minutes passed as she got comfortable, and that was when she heard the door open. She didn't dare open her eyes and check for him - not wanting to appear too desperate. She suppressed a squeal when he came from behind and spooned her figure. His arms wrapped around her stomach to hold her close, and she relished the contact.

That was the first night she didn't spend alone. And she loved every minute of it.

#pirate101 #p101 #kingsisle #pirate101 kane #pirate101 queen #fanfiction #fanfic #all'inzio #kane x queen

[roses-grossness-bones-and-dirt]

483 calories [consider this journaling fucking feb 8 2024]

today, excluding the 230 for a monster, i have eaten 483 calories. half an orange, some fries, and popcorn chicken. i didnt really have an appetite at the start of eating. i had tried cleaning mine and my partners room but couldn't focus without getting overwhelmed. i figured the emotional bullshit my brain puts me through when i don't eat was the source so i gave in.

i worked out for over an hour yesterday give or take a ten minute break in between. i didn't feel satisfied at the end i just couldn't feel my legs. i didn't feel like i burned enough. didn't hurt enough.

i weigh 169lbs now. i wont update my bio until i get down to 165, though. theres not enough of a difference in 4 pounds for me to care. let alone 5, 6, or 7. if im lucky, i'll forget to weigh myself when im 165 and find myself at 163. ten pounds. the number is so high, that weight drop sounds so drastic in the time given.

this is a road i've been down before, though. i know the first ten pounds is nothing. you cant see it, you cant feel it. it's water. it's old still digesting food. it's anything other than fat, really. at least, thats how i see it.

i try not to count liquid calories because if i did then the endless amount of flavored drinks would mean im meeting a binge worths of calories [honestly just anything over 1000 in my disordered mind] without ever feeling satiated.

sodas have been cut down to one a day the one a day isnt always diet, though. its pathetic, im aware.

again, i've been down this road before. thats what makes this so much harder. the awareness of what normalcy looks like. knowing the hurt i'd be putting those i care about through because ive seen the hurt before. ive caused this hurt before.

still, i push on. i'll start counting again. steps, calories in, calories out if i can manage. i'll do a smaller work out today and a big one tomorrow. i'll keep how im feeling to my brain and journal on tumblr for release so i can postpone the pain ill put my partner through with this relapse.

im not sick enough for them to know. not sick enough to be worried about, really. not to say i want the worry. id rather be worried about anyone and everyone else than have a single person worry about me. i dont want to be sick i dont want to get sick i have too much to do but i cant take the lack of control or the look in the mirror anymore.

when i quit vaping i gained another 20 pounds on top of the 30+ i had gained from recovering initially. this is problematic as a trans man because i went up a fucking cup size. its hardcore awful.

i hope to be 150 by my 21st bday in a few months. 20 pounds isnt much but its my pre-quitting weight. i hope to be 130 by the time my best friend moves. 20 more pounds isnt much but its my pre-recovery weight. i hope to be 115 by the time my lease is up in december. 15 pounds isnt much at all but that was my lowest weight.

its all so unlikely but its the dream, really.

#mental illness #ana trigger #tw ed diet #@na tips #male thinspi #trans ana #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #ed bullshit #st4rv1ng

[darckcarnival]

“Secret admirer huh? I wonder who that could be.” ( from Leon @nightfeared :3 )

Valentine Variety Starters

@nightfeared

@valour-bound

Maybe being caught slightly red handed wasn't too horrible, as if his very convincing argument back around Christmas hadn't already broken the carefully crafted shell. Darck stood within the mans personal office at his place of work, and getting in places was never too much a problem for a vampire. Between suggestion and her many networks of faking papers of ID's, well, over the years? Her smooth talking and ways in or out had certainly gotten better. But it still didn't mean she'd be completely invisible unless literally staying inside shadows. However, as she had been waiting on a phone call, using the usual method had to be postponed, so it was old fashioned walking.

The neatly wrapped small package had been placed on the desk of the DSO agent, with the note reading 'Secret Admirer'. A scent of some sort of sweets inside it, baked maybe? Later if it were to be opened, yes, that is what it is. Some cookies and chocolates, specialty made, but there was also a small little paper weight at the bottom. In the shape of a wolf head, just flat and embedded in the metal disk like paper weight, and had his name on the bottom of it. But that was for a later discovery.

Brunette already retreating to the door across the way, prepped to be in and out without a worry- until she heard movement near by, the side door opening- And Leon's voice speaking up. Well... This was perhaps one of the more amusing situations of which the woman had been caught in, far better than the history of her shit luck back in the day. It was a reason why she had stopped, and slowly turns on her heel with a smile on her face. "Exactly mt thoughts, couldn't tell you. Stopped by, saw you weren't here, a package. Thought I'd look for you to tell you about it." Was this a convincing reasoning? No, not one god damn bit. And she knew it too, but still stuck by the chosen course with amusement in her tone. Thankful that her ears were covered by long hair, with how warm they were getting. Guilty in the stupidest way possible, how dumb and funny.

"Guess you gotta figure out who might be ballsy enough to go through such risks to hide in the shadows?" Couldn't help the playful words that escaped in an oh so sing song tone of voice. Darck ever was a colorful personality. Be it in or out of sight. All the same, she had stopped the retreat for the door at the very least. For now.

#Work Invoice :: Asks #nightfeared #valour bound #Creeper Gonna Creep :: Darck In Character #Lion Hearted Agent :: nightfeared #(( I am very slowly getting out these valentines silly asks. )) #(( everyone else still waiting I AM GETTING TOO THEM )) #(( TRYING TO SPREAD THEM OUT )) #(( also writing is hard sometimes as irl is wild )) #(( so I am just letting my muse run wild with what she chooses to reply too most on that day. ))

[zimms]

omgcp h*vemind phenomena throughout april (click for better quality)

highlights include: fulfilling the kickstarter overnight without any advertising, discussing a hypothetical tv show twice, so many rare pairs and an unbelievable amount of thirsting for @fanartshmanart's genderbent au, which was so constant that i couldn't physically include all of it in the spreadsheet.

january february march

#2021 h*vemind phenomena #all dates are done by bst #omgcp #h*vemind #let me know if i forgot anything #sorry it's late #i cried for three hours about finishing hs on friday #so i figured i'd postpone it until now

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

HELLO I COULD MAKE A FANFIC WHERE DOUMA MEETS THE READER WHEN HE IS ABANDONED WHEN HE WAS A BABY AND DOUMA FINDS HER AND THEN OVER TIME BECOMES MORE POSSESSIVE

I think I understand you but sorry if I got it wrong

Come to find I really liked this concept and the story I got from this

so thank you so much!!

I'd definitely be willing to continue this too

Yandere Douma x Baby Reader

🌈👁️I’d expect you to be picked up by someone in his cult

🌈👁️a sweet woman with a little bit of extra love in her heart for you and a knack for writing

🌈👁️Anyway you might be in a river or just on the side of the road seen by her while out on errands

🌈👁️Lucky enough for you she had just finished nursing her son before she left him with his father to follow Lord Douma

🌈👁️And though she missed and wrote to him she couldn’t fill this hole in her heart until she started caring for you

🌈👁️You weren’t a secret, but she didn’t parade you around the group either

🌈👁️Guessing right, the devout followers wouldn’t be necessarily pleased she was dividing her love for you

🌈👁️So she kept you quiet and appealed to Douma with her looks and general demeanor

🌈👁️It isn’t until he offers to help her reach paradise that he’s extremely interested by her answer

🌈👁️“Lord Douma if I may, can I postpone my ascension until I can do something?” said with tears in her eyes and deeply bowing

🌈👁️His curiosity had to be fed with why his new and beautiful devotee decided this

🌈👁️When she goes to retrieve you she wonders if you could come with her perhaps

🌈👁️And in her last letter to her son she details this inquiry and excitedly says how she hopes one day he will join her as well

🌈👁️When Douma is shown your sleeping face he can’t help but poke and prod, holding you as he tries to figure you out what this feeling is

🌈👁️She’ll tell him how she found you and even how she has kept a log of your life for when your older

🌈👁️He’ll tell her he knows a member that will take care of you and she refuses voicing her concern about who you’ll be placed with

🌈👁️And when he counters with hiring a bonafide nurse to care for you she pushes back

🌈👁️“NO! I mean I’m sorry my lord but I think I want to raise them. I want to care for them! Sorry but may I please have (Y/n) back!?”

🌈👁️As she reaches out to transfer your now babbling swaddled form she finds she can’t remove her hands from Douma’s arm

🌈👁️“I think you deserve to go to paradise, Milwe. Even if your selflessness makes you not want to.”

🌈👁️And he can’t deny that he relishes the contrast of his oblivious baby and this woman’s horror-struck face stuggling in silence

🌈👁️And even when she realizes she can’t escape she still calls out for you one last time

🌈👁️You respond by wiggling, reaching out for her but by then she is already gone

🌈👁️And before you can actually start crying Douma will take you close to his chest like he saw Milwe do just moments before

🌈👁️And the rest of your existence is met with him learning about you and how much you grow

🌈👁️And him getting oddly attached

🌈👁️Suddenly he feels something about you

🌈👁️The unfamiliar touch of emotion that springs when you start walking to get to him

🌈👁️Or its sting when you call out for one of the members when he’s right there

🌈👁️And even when Muzan drops by for an unexpected visit he actually is scared for you

🌈👁️Lucky for you, your innocent charm earns you another fan as you beg for the demon lord to hold you and then fall asleep when he does

🌈👁️Douma realizes that thanks to the emotions he never had access to until you he has become so much stronger

🌈👁️and when Akaza threatens him over you he’ll tell them your his good luck charm

🌈👁️But he and Muzan both know that's not the case

🌈👁️And he intends to keep you by his side forever

#yanderexrea #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yanderes #yandere kny #yandere demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #yandere douma x reader #yandere douma #yandere douma x baby reader #baby reader #platonic yandere

[cryptiql]

riptide

pairing: dabi/m!reader

warnings: smoking, some mildly suggestive flashbacks + detailed descriptions of drowning. as always, please do not read forward if any of the listed warnings might trigger you in any way, and stay safe <3

words: 4.9k

a/n: welcome to the sequel of smoke signals. perish :)

dabi made a mistake. the knowledge sits in the bottom of his stomach like a lump of lead; his innards twisting into a knot whenever the memory of you crosses the expanse of his sleep deprived mind. the burns under his eyes might as well be bags, but they aren't large enough to bear the weight of his guilt. it isn't much better sitting on his shoulders, but the repercussions of pain are what keep him from letting it go, and that's exactly what he wants. no—it's what he deserves. he deserves the feeling like his head is going to burst; the ache in his spine from too many hours spent hunched over himself with a bottle clutched between his shaking hands; the burning intensity from overuse of his quirk. the extra inches of marred skin serve as reminders of what he did, but it's not half as satisfying when the pain doesn't last.

he wants to scratch at the wounds until they ooze that bitter garnet liquid; until he's suffocated by the metallic scent and forced to endure as the taste of blood engraves itself on his tongue when he chokes on it. he wants to suffer—the slower the better—because not even the strongest alcohol can cleanse his sins, nor the stench of his regret.

dabi made a mistake. it won't be the last time, he's able to admit, because his ego is too shriveled from the lack of your warmth, and his heart yearns for the passion of your kiss that still lingers on his lips. when the loft echoes with fragments of the city's ambience, drowning him in an incessant racket, he longs for the lighthouse. this place is infested with selfish ingrates, scuttling about in search of the next outcast to torment, and it makes him wish he still had that safe space at the shore. your siren song was a drug to put him at ease, and now he is without it, and the withdrawal has taken effect.

he knew this would come to pass. dabi overdosed on your love; your affection; your everything; all while watching the consequences unravel at a snail's pace, almost as if he were being teased by the inevitable end. he let it happen. he did this to himself, so he won't shake his hands at the sky, cursing gods he doesn't know exist; as if they would concern themselves with the faults of men like him.

he knew this would happen.

but then, so did you. you had to have known by the empty space in your bed where he used to lay; by the dates that kept getting postponed and the meaningless promises made to make up for them; by the shortage of visits, even just to say "hello" before he dropped from the face of the earth once more. if this were true, it meant that you were suffering just the same—nay, more than him, by forcing yourself into a state of compliance whenever he told you it was time for him to go. dabi could pretend like he didn't see your fingers twitching; resisting the urge to reach out for him; just as he could pretend like the rivulets of tears on your cheeks did not exist, though they begged to be swept away by him. god, he wants to hold your face again, noses brushing together and your dreamy sighs melding with his raspy laughter.

he had told himself that you wouldn't deter him from his goal, but even that seems like a pipe dream now. he feels like an underachiever, chasing a future that can't be set in stone when he already had you, which should have been enough. dabi realizes that the flames of his own passionate desire for freedom have burned you in the process, and it hurts more than he can put into words. you were always better with words, he reminisces, tracing the coffee stained parchment sitting in his pocket.

dabi has long since stopped reading the letters you sent, but he still carries them with him wherever he goes. they anchor him to both earth and sky; the reality that he's lost you, threatening to swallow him from under his feet; and the hope that he'll find you again, one day, after all this is over. "and just what do you think you're doing?"

you can see his reflection in the stove's glass sheen, his mouth drawn up into a devious smirk as he leans on the bedroom doorframe, clad in nothing but his briefs from the previous night. the purplish burns scaling his collarbone and abdomen give him a roguish look that—if you possessed no self-restraint—would normally have you lunging at him like a starved beast. you manage to smirk back at him, subtly shaking your hips while opening the stove door to pull out the doughy mound of bread inside. to your delight, you hear him grumble something not-so family-friendly before he snakes his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. you had never once thought that the feeling of staples against your skin would feel so good, but now you can hardly imagine being without it, and you immediately melt into dabi's touch.

he breathes softly in your ear, chuckling when you flinch in response, goosebumps stippling your flesh. by the way your cheeks puff out in embarrassment, he should take that as a sign to stop, but fuck, your pouting is just too cute for him to resist, especially when your worship-able body is basking in the afterglow of dusk. you keen when dabi starts peppering your shoulder blades with kisses, but nearly dropping the pan causes your senses to return, and you whisper a plea. luckily, he appears to be in a merciful mood, because he relents his onslaught of affection to rest his chin in the crook of your neck.

when he finally notices what you're making, he can't help but squeeze you tighter.

"is that a cake?"

you turn to give him a peck on the nose, which is rewarded with a halfhearted snap of his teeth just millimeters from your mouth.

"that'd be right. though, i'm astonished you know which way is up after last night." your sing-song tone of voice spurs him to squeeze your thigh, and you would have shooed him away if not for how much you liked it. dabi murmurs something unintelligible, the vibrations shooting straight down your spine, and proceeds to remove himself from you in order to better observe the baked delicacy.

"mm. what's it for?" he asks, discretely swiping a bit of the pink colored icing from the bowl to his right. sweet, but not sickeningly so.

you are none the wiser when dipping a spatula into the contents and smoothing it over the cake, a soft smile playing at your lips.

"you never told me when your birthday is, so i'm taking a wild guess. figured i'd whip this up as a surprise, but you woke up earlier than i suspected." dabi swears that his heart is about to burst from behind his ribcage, and all because you're too goddamn perfect. you may as well be a priceless work of art in museum that he's been prohibited from touching. however, the fading marks on your skin signify that he's done more than just touch, and he takes pride in the fact you can't seem to move further than two steps in any direction without faltering.

"i know angel food cake is your favorite—" dabi silences you with a kiss; bruising and passionate; and takes the spatula from your hand, blindly setting it aside on the counter. your protests are short-winded as he lifts you from your behind before promptly turning the oven off and spinning on his heel. he's memorized these halls well enough to not bump into anything during his trek back to the bedroom. you pull away, albeit with a hint of reluctance, just to glare at him.

"what about the—" dabi kisses you again, and while you don't seem too happy about being interrupted twice in a row, the shared heat between your bodies distracts you from being upset.

"you're off by about two months, doll. besides, i think i'd much rather have you as a late birthday treat."

dabi clenches his jaw at the memory, his knuckles whitening with how tenaciously he grips the tattered fabric of his jeans. the league's new base is just as rundown and close to crumbling as he feels, but his despair is masked by the rage that overpowers it. why couldn't you have been a normal couple? why couldn't dabi have grown up with a father who loved him; with a quirk that didn't gradually destroy him and without the resulting scars that made him a hideous monster in the eyes of all who saw him? why couldn't he be as beautiful on the inside as you said he was on the outside? why couldn't he just be happy, after all this time?

why? why? why?

dabi finds his answer hidden in the ashen battleground strewn with rubble and remnants of burnt remains. he finds it in the fear of his victims' expressions before the snare of death claims them in a flourish of blue inferno. it's written there in bold, ichor dripping from his fingers as they smear the message with red.

the privilege of living a normal life is, and always will be, beyond his reach. murder does not warrant mercy, and the only person willing to give it to him is miles away, still desperate for him to come back.

as fate would have it, you and dabi lived worlds apart, but you still look at the same sunset; the same array of stars forming constellations that told stories of your life shared together. they replay in his head like a record stuck on repeat, and only when the song ends does he find himself back in the clutches of his childhood trauma, rather than your embrace.

"dabi? dabi!" his trademark scowl automatically takes place when a finger prods and pulls at his cheek, the familiar voice of twice shaking him from his deep contemplation. jin has been so unfortunate as to suffer minor scorches from the ravenette's flames, on account of him being too bothersome at the wrong moments, and so he instantly backs away at the first indication of danger brewing in the air around him. with how on edge he's felt lately, he really should have gone on a walk to relieve some stress, but the looming knowledge that he can't go to the lighthouse would only ruin the trip.

dabi is fully prepared to smack jin's hand away until he sees what he's holding. he'd recognize that handwriting anywhere, and even without it, the scent of saltwater and freshly baked bread clings to the paper, altering him of yet another one of your efforts to communicate with him. dabi feigns indifference towards the object; quite the contrary to his thinning patience as twice waves it above his head excitedly.

"you've got mail! who's is from? probably a useless nobody! or maybe a secret admirer? but who would admire you?"

to his dismay, the commotion has grabbed toga's attention, and she veers over to their location with a giddy grin on her face. she all but drapes herself over dabi as he snatches the letter from jin, and it doesn't help his struggle when she clings to him like a koala. after a bout of kicking and shoving, he manages to break free of her grasp, grimacing at her lengthy, high-pitched whines of disapproval.

"and can you believe hawks was the one to deliver it? i didn't take him for a carrier bird. . ."

dabi doesn't hear the rest, nor does he intent to, because he's already making his way to the nearest exit with haggard breaths. whoever calls out for him and whatever they say are the last of his concerns right now, and they're abruptly cut off when he slams the door behind him. the summer heat wills beads of sweat to paint his forehead, but he soon finds comfort under the shade of a tree, cicadas buzzing noisily overhead. he would sooner keel over and die than thank the birdbrain hero for catering to him—and by extension, you—but now that the note is there, begging to be read, he can't help but feel some sort of gratitude.

"i need you to do something for me."

the bristles of hawks' feather hover over dabi's pulse in a threatening manner, but he feels no more in peril than he would at the cruelty of a baby chick. he knows the number two hero won't harm him, at least not without regretting it later, and this is the perfect time to use that to his advantage. hawks narrows his eyes at him, nose wrinkling in accord.

"why would i do anything for you after that stunt you pulled?" he snarls, and dabi almost has to laugh at the drastic switch in personality. the way he presents himself to the public is a true contrast compared to the persona only he and the league have had the pleasure of seeing.

"because if you don't, everyone will know you've been fraternizing with the enemy, and we wouldn't want number two falling off his high pedestal, now would we?"

this time, dabi audibly laughs when hawks' guise wavers. the other grits his teeth, slowly withdrawing the feather and allowing it to fall limp at his side. he revels in his victory, short though it be, and reaches into his pocket to procure a letter marked with your name and address. putting your location at the disposal of a hero isn't something he's proud of doing, but it's all he has left, and he doesn't have the resolve to tell you directly.

coward, his conscious mocks as he holds it out for hawks to take. the winged man stares at it with befuddlement, his movements stalling here and there when he seizes the paper between his thumb and pointer finger. dabi tuts lightly but menacingly, yanking hawks towards him by the wrist and igniting his quirk to leave a faint mark there.

"you're gonna deliver this for me, no questions asked. don't you dare open it."

despite the clear uncertainty, hawks took heed of the ominous demand and carried it out later that night. he had not expected a young man with tear-stained cheeks to greet him at the door, much less the endless babble of 'thank you's as you took the letter with shaking hands.

dabi hadn't wished for you to send one back, but the ongoing stream of them was considered fair, after he'd left without much of a trace. still, he had promised himself that he would never read them, for fear of it opening the wound inflicted by having to say goodbye.

dabi can't understand the sudden change of mind for the life of him, and yet, he finds that he doesn't care whether it opposes every rule he set to keep you safe—to keep himself safe. he tears open the envelope and slumps against the tree trunk, bark and leather grating together as he hesitantly unfolds the parchment, briefly shutting his eyes as a last act of resistance to the helpless cry from within; longing for the familiarity of your poetic words. instead of the delicate precision that was to be anticipated, dabi stared down at your messy scrawl, a carnal fear rising from within and causing his throat to clamp up. the memories begin to flash at a faster rate, like an old-timey picture film. dabi has just finished putting the kettle on to boil when hears the floorboards creak, followed by the sound of your slippers shuffling across the floor. he snickers, remembering that the only pair you have is the one he bought you; a well worn match that looks oddly like cloud bunnies. you've made sure to exemplify how much you love the gift by wearing them around the house on rainy or lazy days, all paired with a wistful smile. this morning is no different as you worm your way under dabi's hold and press your face into his chest, a satisfied groan escaping you when he cards his fingers through your hair and scratches the scalp.

the robe you wear is half-hanging from your shoulders, which makes for an enticing view from where dabi stands, but he simply kisses the crown of your head and continues waiting for the pot to simmer.

"did you hear that noise?" you slur, just barely discernable over the kettle's shrieking. dabi quirks a brow in question as you rub the leftover grogginess from your eyes, tiredly nodding at the back window.

"little past midnight, i think. coulda sworn i heard somethin' rifling around in the trash." dabi squints at this new information while eyeing your appearance. the dark circles and intermittent yawning indicate a lack of sleep, and if he weren't there to keep you steady, you might collapse onto the floor as a snoring heap. if it really disturbed him, he should have woken me up, he thinks, pulling you closer with an ever-deepening frown. you snuggle up to him as if it's second nature, sleepily giggling away when his digits stray too close to your side.

"s'probably raccoons, but if you're worried, i can stay longer just to make sure." you look up at him with nothing short of pure, unbridled adoration, cupping his face and squishing it gently, to your own entertainment. after a moment of consideration, you shake your head.

"nah, you're probably right."

the feeling hits dabi like a tidal wave, dragging him below the raging surface; far below where the light of day cannot touch. it suffocates him and brings rise to the sickening taste of bile on his tongue, but he doesn't have time to spare in throwing it all up, so he swallows it. withered patches of grass crunch under his feet as he peels himself from the tree and breaks into a dash, sparing your letter the flames fueled by his anguish as to let it drift in the breeze, the single sentence written on it already engraved in his mind.

it wasn't raccoons.

dabi doesn't care what shigaraki will have to say about this when he gets back. the only thing he cares about is that you'll still be alive to say anything to him when he reaches you, and that whoever has invaded your home is willing to die for what they've done, or what they're currently doing, and fuck—he isn't even sure if this is you calling for help or not, but he can't risk being right.

the distance between the base and the lighthouse feels lightyears apart, yet simultaneously at arms length when dabi is running at speeds he hasn't ever been able to achieve before. if he stumbles at any point during his sprint, or if he happens to bump into an unsuspecting civilian on the street, he doesn't notice. the resonant thumping of his own heartbeat is all that he can hear as he thanks the gods for the flow of traffic being so spaced out, otherwise it would be near impossible for him to reach you in time.

in time for what? he has to ask. dabi doesn't even want to think about the repercussions, but the scenarios arrive in rivulets despite the mental trapeze he goes through to push them down, and they only continue to grow into oceans; darker, colder and harboring thoughts too gruesome for even someone of his caliber to handle. he won't realize until much later that he'd forgotten to put on his disguise, but the way people ogle at him with fear and disgust does not suppress the need to protect you.

even now, he can sense the pressure building behind his eyes, though it's more painful that it used to be. dabi hasn't cried in months, and it shows by how unabating the rivers of blood trickle from his skin grafts, despite his feverish attempts to stop them. look at yourself, holding together by a thread and weeping in public like a child whose lost his mother in the crowd. it wouldn't have come to this if he had stayed.

something shifts in the scenery; a distinct line drawn between the city and its neighboring countryside; but it makes no difference to the impending peril that looms ahead. the closer he gets, the sooner he'll find you waiting for him, dead or alive. dabi staggers, his breath hitching at the thought, as well as the harsh sting of pain that erupts when his knee collides with the gravel below. he pushes himself forward in little time, a strangled yell ripping his throat raw as his vision settles on the top of the lighthouse, peeking over the hillside. you have to be there—you just have to. he isn't done with you yet, and you're sure as hell not done with him.

the earth is damp beneath his feet, and it soaks through the canvas of his shoes whilst he darts past the boulevard and onto your property, crying out to you. surely, you must hear him. surely—

dabi practically hurls himself at the front door, his blood running cold when it opens for him effortlessly and swings ajar to reveal the living room, upturned and scattered with broken bits and pieces of furniture. there's no sign of you or whoever did this. the oakwood flooring groans under his weight as he barrels down the hall, peering into every room, beneath your bed and any other place where you could be hiding. nothing. his search ends in vain at the front doorstep, where he stands hunched over and dry heaving. no, no, no. you can't be gone.

"y/n!" he shouts. his only response is the crashing of waves against the shore and the incessant cawing of seagulls. for a moment, dabi forgets how to breathe, and then the ability returns to him; his legs aching horribly as he rushes to the beach. the arrangement of rocks is sporadic at first, but they gradually form large clumps the further he carries on, urging him to squeeze between the narrower openings. it comes with some difficulty, but at last he is able to hobble onto the sandy coast and rest his sights upon the vast sea. he can recall when seeing its murky blue sea would have put him at ease, but now it only causes his senses to be clouded with distress.

"y/n!" the once calm ripples rise into rolling billows that drench the shoreline in frothy heaps of algae, wreckage and blood. it curls and disbands within the ocean to pollute its cerulean hues with ones of scarlet red, and just like that, dabi's heart sinks like the titanic. he'll never forget the sight of you, face-down in the water; your favorite shirt slashed to shreds, clinging to your body as nothing more than a tattered mess. dabi wades into the water until it reaches his ankles, completely numb to its freezing temperature as he sinks down to hoist you up. he rests you on his thighs and presses his lips onto yours with urgency, shortly pulling back so that he can thrust his palms upon your chest and push. he doesn't care to remember how many times he repeats this, but when he finally sits back on his haunches to release a stifled curse, the feeling of dread has only just begun to take control.

you've never looked so pale.

a guttural sob wrenches itself past his grinding teeth as more tears arise, dappling your cheeks like raindrops. it wracks his body and sends forth a surge of agony to course through his veins. dabi cups your face with a shaking hand, the other secured around your waist while he kisses you, his erratic pleas falling upon deaf ears.

"come back. . .come back." his bawling ceases to end, no matter the abrasive pain blossoming in his gullet.

"c'mon, doll. where's that sweet voice of yours?" his thumb strokes your bottom lip as though beckoning you to speak. when nothing follows, he makes a pathetic sniveling sound mixed with something broken; a blubber or whine, he does not know. the burden of your lifeless form causes the reality to set in; a dagger piercing his insides and twisting as to drag the most blood-curdling screams from him.

dabi loved you, and he wishes he had the strength to say it when you were still there. it was only within the presence of his own demons that he was able to utter his affections; curled into himself and waiting for a reply that would never come, carried on the wind that bit his skin. he loved you because you held him like a child when his father hadn't even the heart to acknowledge him as his own. you spoke his name—his real name—as though the blood on his hands was not there; like you had washed it away yourself through acts of tenderness that he did not deserve.

and now you're gone.

you're gone, and—

dabi's entire body jolts with a start, a familiar heat dancing across the grafts of his marred skin. a faint blue glow radiates from his fists, which are tightly fastened the weighted blanket that lays crumpled atop his legs. he lets go with a shuttering gasp, observing the black smudges that reside where his flames once were, then blinking owlishly at his surroundings. the room is shrouded in darkness, all save for the bedside table to the left of him that is dimly lit by a flickering oil lamp. that, and the spaces illuminated by the moon's brilliance, showering the floor with multicolored spots as it glistens through the stained glass window. something slots into place, but all it does is send dabi's mind into overdrive.

where is he? where are you? are you really dead? everything hurts.

his nails drag down the length of his arms, seeking some sort of comfort in the pain that blooms there. it doesn't last long, however, when the bed suddenly dips, and a soothing warmth is placed on the small of his back.

"touya?" you croak, your words lingering with the remnants of sleep. dabi—no—touya, swears that he could cry again, right then and there. his eyes flit over your torso, where several scars in varying sizes have desecrated the skin. as he idly traces the pink lines, one final memory surfaces from the depths of his subconscious. him, desperately pounding your sternum; the last threads of denial snapping in tune; and you, coughing and spewing both curses and whatever seawater that had clogged up your lungs. touya held you in that same position for hours, listening as your ragged wheezing turned into hiccupping sobs. hauling you inside had been no easy feat, and having to hear your muffled groans while he stitched you up by the crackling hearth was no better, but the evening after had been pleasant.

you could not recollect the face of the intruder, and with such little information to go off of, touya was left to wallow in self-loathing for love he had almost lost. no amount of therapy could prevent the following nightmares and panic attacks, but in time, the rekindling of your relationship was proved successful, and dabi was prepared to repay you for the moments where you consoled him.

it wasn't just a dream. it had all happened, and yet here you were, alive and well.

a pensive look crosses your features when you note how quiet touya is, and you take it as a sign to break the tension with a tried-and-true method from the past. he doesn't resist as you coo softly, pulling him under the covers and wrapping yourself around him, a garbled tune fleeing from past your lips before you press them to his shoulder. you trail the faintest of butterfly kisses along his neck, his jaw, his cheeks and so on. the anxiety coiled in touya's chest starts to untangle, leaving him as a trembling bundle of nerves in your arms as you shush him, your nimble fingers carting through his hair.

if he weren't so tired, he would have laughed at how the tables have turned; with you cradling him in the way he's so used to doing. still, not even he can deny that it feels nice to be held like this.

"s'alright sweetheart. i'm here. . ." you whisper, and the effect is instantaneous. touya stills as he inhales the scent of buttercream and fresh pine that wafts into the bedroom, his eyelids fluttering shut. all he can hope for is that your presence will drive away any nightmares that foreshadow his well-needed rest, and that when he wakes up in the morning, you'll still be at his side.

dabi made a mistake, and thousands more will come to pass, because underneath the grit and grime that makes up his callous exterior, there is a human being; struggling to survive and struggling to please, just as much as the next. but he'll never leave you again. he had promised you as such with the band of gold now encircling your ring finger, and as long as he lives, he'll never break it.

#⛓.dabi #dabi x male reader #dabi x reader #anime x male reader #mha x male reader #touya todoroki x male reader #my hero x reader #my hero x y/n #boku no hero x reader #x male reader #bnha x you #dabi fluff #dabi angst #dabi imagine

[bxllafanficc]

¡Skate/sing your hearts out! (Yuri Plisetsky x reader)

(part six)

Part one. Masterlist!

Summary: After last year's cancellation of Figure Skating Grand Prix, Yuri Plisetsky finds himself unable to bring out his inner skater after a year of doing nothing but enjoy life like a regular teenager. That's when you enter the picture; We Are Voice Grand Awards's currently hottest competitive vocalist come first place two years in a row. Just like the other competitors of Grand Prix, it turns out that Victor and Yuuri faces the same issue. With an arrangement between Victor and Yakov, they agree to travel to Japan and hire you as a mutual coach for Yuri and Yuuri to help bring back the emotion into their performances like before, maybe even more intense than ever. Yuri however, who's never experienced issues with his coaches before, for some reason finds this one particularly difficult to coexist along with in their (reasonably) odd partnership. Warnings: none

*Your POV*

(Next morning)

"A-achooo!"

You jolted out of your sleep when the loud sound hit you. Half-asleep, you fumbled after a potential threat and thrashed with your legs to get out of bed. Your eyes weren't even open yet and you heard a shocked shriek from Magnolia before something skipped across the sheets and disappeared. You threw the blanket off you, threw yourself to the left to shake it away and-

*Thud*

Ow. You opened your eyes, finally. There was no attack, obviously. If your dream hadn't been about being the captain of a pirate ship as you were in the middle of getting attacked by the Englishmen, there would've been no reason to react that way, you thought.  The loud sound was the sound of a canon ball about to hit you, you'd figured. You let the impact of the floor stone you and you just laid there, thinking of what you were currently doing with your life; too tired to move.

"...(Y/n)? Did you- ... Are you dead?"

Hmmm, wait. Yuri, r-right. He saw that totally.

You rose to your knees and slowly peeked over the bedside, upon Yuri's weary gaze. Only your eyes were visible of course. No point in giving him the chance to see your red tainted cheeks after such an embarrassing act.

"(Y/n). What... are you doing?" His voice thick and dry, almost hoarse. He looked at you with his eyes barely widened. You then noticed how awfully colorless his skin was. Well, except for the redness around the base of his nose. Heavy bags under his eyes displayed on his features as well.

"What in the- Well you seem to have had a rough night, Plisetsky." It wasn't particularly an insult. He did look like the ceiling had been falling in on him and as if he had no choice to carry it the entire night. Yuri gave you a snort and leaned back in his bed.

"Shut up, Duchess."

You picked up your fallen blanket and placed it on top of the bed as you eyed the skater. Then the feeling of Magnolia bumping his head against your leg made you look down and sigh.

"Yeah whatever, Punk." You cradled the large cat in your arms and scratched his chin. 'Sorry, darling. I'll make it up to you...' You whispered in the cat's ear and kissed the top of his head. A purr started drumming from his belly but was quickly drowned out by another loud sneeze and a cough right after.

'Oh my, he isn't... Right?' You thought and the Russian boy sniffled harshly. Even Magnolia gave you a 'What's the matter with him?' look. You made your way to his bed and was met with swimming eyes. Even the stunning shade of blue and sea green had faded slightly and had been replaced with a grayish contrast.

"Yuri... Did you get sick from the waterfall yesterday?" You placed the back of your hand against his forehead and the heat hitting you almost made you retract it immediately. That, however, was done anyway by Yuri briskly swatting your hand away with a groan.

"'M fine!" He's burning up with a fever and he's laying here, lying straight to your face while looking close to passing out any minute. Another sneeze and you had decided what to do next.

"I'm calling Yakov that there will be no training for the following days. You get rested."

"No! I-I don't have such time! I'll practice anyway!" He sat up immediately and bore his gaze into you. You assumed that it was meant to be seen as fierce and energetic but it more looked like the kind of stare a drunk person trying to stare his way through solving a math-problem. You gently but firmly laid a hand on his chest at the intention to hold him back from straining himself any further. His gaze met yours with newfound shock and you ignored the feeling of a loud *thump* pulsing through your hand from inside his chest. A slight stutter was heard before you pushed him back down onto the mattress and held him still for a moment. 'Stay.' Was the message that thankfully got through.

"Rest and I'll be back soon, okay? You're not doing anything until you've recovered." Your words were stern but only a nod was seen from the boy as his eyes were intensely fixated upon your hand holding him down. Just then you noticed the rest of his face had turned red and damp from sweat as well, almost sure that it hadn't been there before. 'Oh no, his body turned hotter just now and his heart is beating out of his chest. Better get him some breakfast and call Yakov immediately before he dies or something.' And with that, you left the room and headed towards the kitchen.

You were making some hot chicken soup on the stove when Victor made his way into the hall and saw you, immediately stopping to see what you were up to.

"Smells delicious (Y/n). What are you making? Can I try?" He peeked above your shoulder and gasped lightly. Your shoulders were cradled by his arms from behind and he pushed his weight onto you, causing you to stumble.

"Pleaseeee?"

"Okay, okay! But just a spoon, alright? It's to Yuri." Victor sheered and waved at Yuuri as he as well now joined them in the kitchen. Next moment a spoon was dipped into the soup and the man started fussing about how great it tasted. He then made Yuuri try it as well meanwhile he stood beside you, taking low.

"A soup only to Yuri, huh? I'd say you're growing rather fond of him at this point. Is it 'made with love' as well?"

"Yuri's come down with a fever from yesterday's adventure. I cancelled his practice with Yakov for the rest of the week. Meanwhile, he said Yuri should think about choosing his music and a possible theme for his skating program this year so Yakov can go ahead and choreograph it in time for his return. Maybe you could help him with the theme and all that? I think he'd appreciate a little push into the right mind of thinking."

Victor fell silent and scratched the top of his head as he stared into the soup. You were heading to grab some red shiny apples and rinsed them under the water flow of the sink.

"How unfortunate that he'll have to postpone his practicing like that... Of course I'll help! Though, it's still a little suspicious of you nursing him back to health, I must say.

"Oh, just quit it, will you?"

"How are you feeling? You look pretty washed up." You pushed the door open and was met with Yuri scrolling on social media. His leg slumped over the other, laying on his back. You knew exactly why the media had been the center of his attention. Yesterday's news blew up around the entire world and people are freaking out on social media. But it wasn't just that. A few already silenced fans of the other figure skating idol's wrote about how it wasn't fair to the rest of the competing programs to have such an advantage. Some even went as far as speculating about Yuri Plisetsky already being so sure on winning this season's Grand Prix and with that, that arranged tour with you. As if  he hired you as coach because of that. To get to know you before the big collaboration between the two competitions.

"I always do. No point in rubbing it in though." You put the soup down on a little nightstand you pulled in front of the bed. Followed by the soup came a glass orange juice and a tray with star-shaped apple-slices. He grabbed the spoon you handed him and gave you a quiet 'thanks' before attacking the food.

"That's really not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I implied you look tired. That's what washed up means." You grabbed a chair from your desk and but it beside him on the floor. He looked slightly bugged that you'd be staying so close to him like that. Maybe he worried about another person getting sick but probably not. It was you at risk in this matter and he didn't exactly care about you, you knew. And yes, getting sick is a down step for a singer since the recovery can be slow and painful. But you didn't really care this time. Besides, you wouldn't be starting this season of We Are Voice in a good month anyway.

"You meant ugly though." His words were subtle and caused you to blink, slightly dumbfounded. Why did he say those things so casually about himself?

"You're never ugly, Yuri."

Wasn't he the one with confidence and pride worth a tiger's during last season's Grand Prix? It feels a little out of place somehow. For him to put himself down after only been doing it to others before.

"Say what now?" He took an apple slice between his fingers and inspected it before chewing it up with a mouth of orange juice.

"... You're actually really pretty... if only your personality wasn't to nasty though..."

You just felt like saying it, honestly. You felt like maybe he needed to hear it. And the parted lips and the wide stare you received from him revealed that you just might have been right. But he quickly read into the following sentence of your exclamation and shook his head.

"H-Hey!" The insult clearly hit the right spot as well judging by the pout and the blush. You flashed him a grin and let a loud laugh escape your lungs.

"Just eat your damn soup,Plisetsky!"

"Hey um... " You looked up from the book you had been reading. Yuri was finished with his breakfast and had been eying you for a good long minute in secret before deciding to speak up. You had just decided to ignore it and figured he'd say something if he felt like it.

"I have been wondering. So the reporter called you The Aubade Duchess yesterday... What does that stand for anyway?" The events of yesterday hit you in the gut once again. The loud screaming and the now so familiar pressure around you. They had been calling you The Duchess of (nationality) ever since your first year at the senior league of We Are Voice where you came in third. You hadn't been competing as a junior the years before but you were immediately a favorite of the people. Then, your second year, you won first place and earned the word 'aubade' to your fan made title. Last year, even though your competition grew more hellbent on winning, you came in first place once again. Your own coach had promised your fans a third golden success for this years finals. The title kind of stuck as you grew up on the stage.

"Right, that. Aubade stand for 'a love song which is sung at dawn', I have been told. It's silly, really." You turned to watch a certain detail in the marble floor, expecting some kind of teasing to come next. But the room fell silent for a moment and your eyes sought the reason behind the reaction.

"It suits you." It had been quiet. But you heard it nonetheless. Yuri wasn't meeting your gaze either but noticed your stunned surprise anyway.

"W-well, I mean... No- maybe? I don't know! It sounds ridiculous, just like you! God, you're so clingy and asking too many questions all the time."

He's been acting so... strange from his usual behavior. Like the fever has turned him into a less tense and distrustful version of himself almost. Wasn't he able to think straight? Perhaps you should treat him as a drunk person after all.

Even though your hand had been previously swatted away, you still put it to his forehead anyway. It was as hot as the first time and the heat made you snap back to your current situation.

"Shit. You're burning up... maybe I should-" You were cut off by Yuri leaning into your hand and closing his eyes. His entire posture screamed 'about to pass out'.

"Your hand... feels cool and nice..."

What the hell? Yeah he's as good as drunk. Wait no- you should call an ambulance, right. This is really bad.

"Oh. Should I get you a damp towel?" You were just about to retract your hand. To leave the room and attend to his fever once again but you were stopped. The Russian Punk took a weak hold on your wrist and held your palm close to his forehead. He sniffled once more before nuzzling into your hand with a little sigh. One more sniffle and he was out.

Light breathing was heard and he was finally asleep. On you, though. You couldn't even reach your phone to dial the hospital. You didn't want to scream for help either because it might have woken him up. But then, you couldn't help but feel a tad of relief as you were finally given a (kind of) break for a few moments.

But you had stuff to do. Those towels wouldn't wet themselves and you better prepare them for him. You began the attempt to remove your hand as carefully as you could but were immediately cut off by the soft mumble of a sound asleep Yuri.

"Mm... Don't you dare go anywhere."

...Okay then.

#inspiration #yuri on stage #yurio plisetsky #yuri on ice fanfiction #yuri on ice fandom #yuri katsuki #yuriart #yurianime #yuri on ice #yuri plisetsky x reader #yuri plisetsky #anime icons #anime fanfic #anime #animelove #best anime

[wilwheaton]

Hi, Wil! Long time follower, first time question-asker. I just got word that Steel City Con is postponed until June and was wondering if you knew whether or not you would still be there, then. It's still super early and I know there are lots of important things going on, but figured I'd ask, as seeing (maybe meeting? I'm shy) you was one of the reasons I was attending. Thanks and you and the fam stay safe!

Just about everything is up in the air right now, including three separate on-camera jobs for me, in addition to every convention appearance in the next 60 days or so.

I really have no idea what’s going to eventually happen, but my plan is to attend rescheduled cons, as long as they don’t conflict with rescheduled on-camera work. which is pretty much how we do it, normally.

#tobyaudax