#shitstory

[browser5]

Entry 1

Ok, here we go. So I didn't go in like 4 days? (i can remember) and I've been feeling my belly being full the whole time, so i took some softener today and that helped. Guys, I tell you this was so satisfying, my dump came out in 2 heavy soft logs, and as you can hear they hit the water so hard that it splashed my ass. I was really sweaty and gassy after that. I'm sure some of you want to know what I ate (Pervs). I don't know what all I ate, but I do remember the cheesy Pizza and BBQ steak stuff from the weekend, so there you go. Also lots of carrots, because we had too many of them ;D

#shitstory #browser5 #ask b5 #dumptaking

[niceinchnails]

Epic fuck battles of shitstory

[coralsgrimes]

So someone on DM is claiming that Benny has reactivated or at least updated his Raya account… when it first all came to light about a year ago or whenever it was, there were various discussions about his profile from people who were either on Raya or knew people who were on it. There were several comments made about what he’d put on there but I didn’t see anyone mentioning “on here for friends”. Which I think would’ve been, no? And as he will no doubt be heading back to LA sometime soon, it doesn’t make sense to me that he’d reactivate it now. Knowing as we do that DM don’t check or verify anything which is submitted to them, I take anything I see on there with a large pile of salt *shrugs*

Hun I usually skip all DM is saying and the Sunday spotted are the worst. But couple of things that actually happened are - DM was the one to say he was on Raya and then upon nagging from people she posted his profile. It was last year and at the dark times of bulianne. See but DM was not the only one. There are tweets about him being on Raya from 2019, 2020 and throughout 2021. From actual human women.

All of the old timey gossip blogs have stories of him out there.

But mind ye, it was last year and mostly talked about when Shadow Daddy's interest was at it's heights. We got no updates since then but we can say that a year ago he was fucking around there.

BUT! Absolutely crucial piece of information! The screenshot of his profile from DM? It was not recent. Not sure exactly how old it was (a year old me thinks?) but his profile was apparently lookin different a lil bit from the screen DM posted. Pretty sure they kept the pic to themselves for a while and it was DM who said that it might have been UPDATED at the point it was posted last summer. Read - it was updated by then.

So now, his dirty linens are out, boy adds a 'just for friends' line as the good boy he is. Cuz he realises that even his z-list dick ass is not safe Twin flame just ended their epic cockblocking adventure, he skips town to go to the UK, then Canada and then in couple of weeks he is back in the UK, followed by a lil move to Budapest for half a year. Deeply heartbroken, stream songs for you. So ye know.... He was lookin for a friend of that sorts but he back to lookin for a wife now!

Would not be surprised if he changed it after the secret was out xd cuz like ye know him lookin for a quick fuck is kind of not on brand for our lil puppy singer of songs Mr gentleman :c

Ma point is that he was/is on Raya for a long while, no question about it. It was both talked about AND then buried deep when people took interested in him. Not a word since, everyone was like yeeee it happened a long time ago and actually not true at all. And now all of sudden the info is back? Like nothing including his name happened recently, why someone would say this shite out of the blue. Basically unprovoked xd

Among all the stuff about him ever posted on DM, the Raya shitstories are the only ones Imma ready to buy...

#also like #the last time i reheated the benny on raya stuff #there were peeps like WHAAAAT??? #benny was on raya??? #oh and sledgehammer is out on spotify lol

[dinuhsoar]

ғʟᴏᴡᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʀᴏᴡɴs

Summary: You were invited to play a game of Among Us with Sean and the rest of the Crew. You've never played before, but went against that fact and joined. While people join, you meet and talk to Corpse: and the viewers ship you from what they see and hear. You also have a little brother who wins the boys hearts.

Pairing: Corpse x fem!reader

Warnings: prolly spelling errors, shit writing

Author's note: First imagine on anyone! Please be kind and nice. I also am sorry if I got Corpse wrong, I have never heard of him until a month ago, and I'm not really all that obessed with him (no hate). I enjoy reading the cute imagines between him and the reader, and so that's why I'm writing one about him. I'll write for Corpse, John B. and JJ (outerbanks), Peter Parker, Thor, (Daddy <3) Tony Stark, (and pretty much the main avengers), oh, and I'll also write for Roman Reigns (because he's my Daddy too). I also don't mention everyone he plays with, but mention Sean a l o t. I'm not familiar with his, "crew." Anywho, enjoy!

Gif credit: @leahberman @velvetmotel

You looked down at your nails, biting your lip gently. Sean invited you, and with pleading moans and groans, you decided to join. You didn't know what to do or what did what, so you just stood in the lobby: you weren't moving.

"Y/n, go change your character's colour!" Said Sean, talking into his microphone.

"How? I don't know how to play." Your voice was soft as it held embarrassment. You knew Sean's stream was blowing up at this point.

"I can tell you," came a deep voice. Holy- who in the world was that?

"Aye, Corpse! Guy's welcome Corpse."

You heard the group of men laugh and shower him with greetings: you were still trying to figure out who Corpse was.

"Ayo, Y/n? You gonna greet God himself or what?"

At this you laughed softly to, whispering a sorry on your end. "Sorry," you said a bit louder, "Welcome to the game, Corpse."

You sucked in a breath, crossing your legs in your chair, nervous of the game and how it was suppised to go down.

"Hello, Y/n. Still need help on changing the colour, I see. You need to go to the computer. Then you can select whatever colour and you can also pick a hat."

"Ah, thank you, Corpse." You walked over, hearing mumbling through the other end of the mic. "Sorry if I'm making this weird, Sean." You laughed lightly, opening the computer to select your colour.

"No, no. It's not you, Y/n. Just reading what the stream says: gotta kick these haters, ya know?" Said Sean. You looked down at your lap, frowning.

"Right," you breathed out, looking back at the screen. "Um, why can't I chose black?"

"Because Corpse-" Felix started, only to get cut off by Corpse.

"Here, I can be purple. Just get it as fast as possible or else someone will take it." Ethan started laughing at Corpse as you did as told.

"Wanna give her your last name too, Corpse?" Boomed Ethan. At this you were confused and lost. You were quiet on your end.

"Guys!" Boomed Sean, "Stop messing with Y/n: she's new to this game. Don't stress her out and make things awkward."

"Thanks, Sean. But I don't mind it, really."

"So you don't mind if you have Corpses' last name?"

"What?! No! I wasn't implying-"

"Felix, leave her alone." This time, Corpse spoke.

"Just messin' man."

"We ready to start?" You asked, voice a bit shaky.

After the game started, the boys relaxed a tad bit, laughing and tossing heads back. You were quiet, but when you spoke your voice was soft and dull, all in which caused Corpse to scream into the mic to tell everyone to quiet down for. The people on the stream were going crazy, you could tell. You just ignored everyone on the stream: you never could read, watch, and play at the same time. But the tables started turning. When you were imposter for the first time that night, you were confused. You followed Corpse, Felix, and Ethan. But they were boring. So you found Sean and he was secluded. You killed him and jumped out of your chair, squealing. "Ha! I killed you Sean!" You screamed, not noticing how your mic was still on. The boys laughed, but when it came to voting, you were voted out, despite denying and denying, and denying. You pouted and didn't move when you were a ghost. Grumbling as the game went on, talking negative about the game: even denying you weren't the imposter even when the ejection said so. You were mad. Sean grumbled back, fighting against you in only whispers. The game ended, then you were back in the lobby.

"Good first game," Felix and Ethan said.

"You're dumb and mean," teased Sean.

"I'm sorry, Sean. E-everyone else was in a group a-and I just went for it." You said into the mic, stumbling over your words.

"That was perfect, Y/n. At least you knew not to attack a group. Stick with me next round, and I'll show you more tips." Corpse said, grinning as a notification went off on his phone. "Ethan!" He boomed.

"Just sayin' bro."

Not questioning it, you laughed into the mic for no reason. No one questioned it, however.

"So, Y/n? Howcome you've never played this game before?" You looked on your screen, heading to the computer, looking at the array of colours.

"I didn't have an interest in it. Corpse, you can have black back, it's kind of boring." You changed to blue, then purple when it was open and Corpse has secured black.

The game started and you confirmed being partners with Corpse. "Where are we going first?" You asked.

"Follow me."

You both walked into reactor, you walking up to that number order task. "Um, what do I do?"

"Click the numbers in order."

Thanking him you did so, telling him to follow you this time. You went into lower engine, only to be killed by Corpse. You screamed into your hand.

"Um, guys, I'm gonna be afk for a moment, gonna get water-" You started, only to get cut off by your baby brother crying. "And I'll need to put him to sleep."

"Is that your baby, Y/n?" Asked Felix.

"She's married, sorry Corpse?" Said Ethan, questioning his statement.

"Guys, that's her little brother, calm down. And she's not dating nor married to anyone." Sean rushed to stay. But you were gone at this point.

"Guys, Y/n was killed!" Corpse said. And thus let the voting begin.

You looked at your baby brother, grinning as you changed his diaper and gave him his bottle. You left to get water, only to hear more crying. Placing the glass by the computer, you told them another minute.

"One more second, guys. Sorry, he's still crying." The game ended then, and you were back in the lobby.

"Send us a picture of him, Y/n!"

You rolled your eyes at Sean, laughing. "Alright, chill. Someone send Corpse my number, so I can send him it as well."

"Corpse, my man, look at the stream messages for gods sake!"

Corpse grinned at Felix, telling him to shut up before he looked at the stream and laughed, "guys, calm down. Y/n is a friend, nothing more."

You came back with your baby brother in your arms, him suckling on the bottle. "Imma have to play with him. If I leave, he cries." You sent everyone a picture, and they all showed the photo to their screens. Except for Corpse that is.

"You know what your character is missing, Y/n?" Asked Corpse after a minute.

"What's that?"

"A flower."

"And why's that?"

"Because you need to stand out amongst these idiots."

Laughing, you included a flower, also changing your colour to white. "You know what your character is missing, Corpse?"

"What's that?"

"A crown."

"And why's that?"

"Because you're my king."

You simply laughed, enjoying the slight teasing on the man. The stream blew up and to this you took notice. Corpse laughed louder than ever as well.

Oh my gosh

Ship. It.

Ew, Y/n

You laughed a bit more, looking down at your brother as he nearly started to cry.

"Oh, come here," you said with a giggle, "sorry to scare you, little bubba. Shh, now. How about you play for me, yeah?"

The boys were confused for a moment, before they awed. However, Corpses' deep voice scared him. "Shut up, Corpse, he just flinched."

#corpse #flowers for corpse #corpse x reader #among us #amongst us #among other things #imagine #youtube #corpse husband #reader #fem reader #writing #pointless #husband #story #short story #enjoy #shitpost #shitstory #please be gentle #and kind

[applesforeyes]

04.26.2021 // your life would have been quite different / shoulda coulda / maybe next time

#halftruths #shitstory #dark times #relationship goals #way to go

[thingsbeforeimthirty]

In the spirit of Shagged, Married, Annoyed, I thought I would share my email. There is a lot of gross stuff shared, so this is fairly tame!

Dear Chris & Rosie,

I would apologise for another shit story but we all know everyone loves a poo joke.

So my friend and I have encountered some pretty gross stuff over the years working in the catering industry. At one point we were both working in a local coffee shop, the age range varied from old to super old so we were always dealing with one Nana dilemma or another.

Anyway, this one day we see a queue forming around the toilets (there were only two separate toilets) we do rock, paper, scissors to decide who has to go over and check if everything is okay, just as we decide we see the door open from the other side of the cafe and order is resumed...or so we thought. Carrying about our business, a slightly hunched, greying grandma comes over to the counter and exclaims that "Someone, has made a right mess in the ladies love!" At that she scurried off and down the high street. 

Now a very distinctive smell has started to waft across the place and a feeling of dread starts to come over us both. We decide to tackle the crime scene bog as a double team! 

As we enter the now putrid smelling room, the sight of what can only be described as a dirty protest greets us. Shit, everywhere! On the toilet, on the floor, on the sink, everywhere! We venture further in, only to discover that not only has the toilet not been flushed but it has been stuffed with and ADULT NAPPY!! 

We can only assume that the hunchback granny has exploded everywhere and decided we should clean it up! 

I know some people can't help it, but really not something that falls into our job description. We had to close off the offending toilet for the rest of the day so that it could be fumigated. 

Still love a poo joke but it turns out they aren't as funny when you are elbow deep in Nana Nappy!

Thanks for reading!

#shaggedmarriedannoyed #shitstory #rosieramsey #chrisramsey #isolation #boredom

[solaariow]

I don't know what has happened in this toilet before to warrant this poster...and I don't wanna know. #shitstory (at Feltham North, Feltham) https://www.instagram.com/p/CYT4ZjCt0_-/?utm_medium=tumblr

#shitstory

[lovememanglefang]

Megatron x mech reader lemon

Shit fanfic i wrote this on my wattpad //

Warning the may contain: werid rp, megatron being out character, this story is boyxboy , you being a sinner for reading this terrible story.

As megatron or should i say megacat crawl over to you and got on your lapped again. You smiled widely at Megatron. He purrs then smiles back, you then push him down on the berrh and your started to grind your self on his panel . the warlord him self made a gasp then a shudder , you sniker at his impression as started to grind harder in to him.

You can feel you spike press up you against your panel making it hard to contracted on what your doing but you went with it and trying to ignored the feeling . You look at megatron bitting his bottem derma with his denta. You got an good idea from this and stop grinding onto him. You herd the warlord growl and shot up quick as the pit to look at you .

“ Why did you stop ?!” he said trying to act serious but failed with sound of him whining lost of the friction. “ Bad kitty do  you want master says and you get to interface with me  to make you feel better and satisfied. ” you purr close to his audio receptor. He replays back with a quick response “ yes master” he purr nuzzling you softly on your neck cables.

“ okay then…get off the berth and on you knees plates facing me kitty "  you said smirking at him .He obeys and gets off the berth and facing you .

You go to the edge of  where he at. You smiled and scratch under his chin making him lean to it , you remove you panel along the other things surrounding it , your spike stands straight and tall and throbbs to be touch by now.

You grab you spike and megatron helm and say ” suck “ you command pulling his helm  closer to your leaking spike. Warlord did as you said taking you spike whole making you throw your helm back and  shuddering a gasp. You  tighten your grip on his helm making him go deeper, your spike was average size to your form , you feeled his oral lubricate going down the length of you spike. You felted like you were going to overload but you fought it back to try and last longer.

Megatron had his optics close through the whole thing. You unexpectedly pulled his helm back away from you spike , and caught him by surprised. He looked at your faceplates witch was blueberry blue and sweaty from the panting. He smirked jump/attack  you and saddling on your lapped.  You smiled at him and put you servos on his thicc  thighs , he purred lowed and started grind  on your spike making you gasp and throw you helm back. Megatron let out smalled groans/moan , megatron move the under ware away and  slid his  vavle cover back and pushed you spiked in to him . megatron bit back a moan , you groaned and started to buckled and and thrusting fast and hard.

You push him back and started to buckled with all you strength in you , megatron uncoved his spike witch was like ten times bigger and thicker than yours . you grab his his shaft and started to jerk him off with your movments. He  groaned and buckled up wards. You feel you climaxed rushing quick as you felted megatron mesh  in his port clamped down on you spike. You overload in to megatron while buckling upwards into him . he made a low gasp and overload, he panted a little. His lubricant landed on your chest. Megatron got off and layed beside you grinning wide at you . You looked over him and smiled back. You turned to your side snuggling your self close to megatron chassis. He purred lowly to say  ” this is the only time you ever get to fragged me y/n “. You frowned at his word. ” fine" you reply going into recharge.

#megatron #reader #lemon #transformers #gay boy #megatronxreader #shitstory #fanfic

[opticalpower]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂This is what we need Mother fuk... !!! Going crazy on your toilette paper 🧻 🤦🏻‍♂️ this is a 💩 story !! 🦇 #toilettepaper #shitstory #coronavirus #virus #shopping #virusblackfriday #stupidpeople #today #store #takeashit #desfou #stupid #fannypicture #happy #love #fun #amour #changetheworld #challenge #picture #photo #trump https://www.instagram.com/p/B9uSYTAgkWc/?igshid=59j5303jbanh

#toilettepaper #shitstory #coronavirus #virus #shopping #virusblackfriday #stupidpeople #today #store #takeashit #desfou #stupid #fannypicture #happy #love #fun #amour #changetheworld #challenge #picture #photo #trump

[shranstan]

horror? story where a family is cursed for the whooole bloodline by some witch or demon and “all of your blood will forever be sick and twisted” everyone says okay cool. adopting children it is. nothing ever happens.

#shitstories

[bunnislime]

Boyfriends #this_is_my_art #shit_story #artistsoninstagram

#this is my art #shitstory

[shitstoriesfilms]

Empadronados

Nuestro vídeo más picante hasta la fecha

#video #humor #risa #absurdo #chiste #shitstories #santander #cantabria #pesca #mar #bahía de santander #corto #web series

[jewyb]

Daily Writing 1: A Shit Story.

Okay, so, i need to write something, so i'm writing, its nothing solid, and it will probably be shit,  but not all shit can be solid, thats called diarreah or however you spell it these days.

So this is the story of a fat piece of shit called Timmy Pholp, who was a fat piece of shit because his father was a fat piece of shit and his mother was a fairly attractive piece of shit but he got his fathers genes.

Now, as we've established, Timmy is literally a piece of shit, i wasnt trying to insult him, he lives in a lower intestine, waiting until his 18th birthday so he can leave home and achieve his dreams, problem is, being all fat and shit, he cant leave, because the anus is just like, SO tight.

Not one to be deterred, Timmy comes up with a plan, and he starts drinking a LOT of water, and he also takes his tiny shits(shits of shits are called shittle bits) and starts pushing them through the anus in larger and larger chunks, hoping to spread the anus out by at least 12 inches. This is in circumference like, i'm telling you, dude is big as a 12 inch wide object. No not your penis dont be ridiculous.

Anyways, i digress, things were tense at home because Timmy was already 17 and seventy two ninety thirds, so he only had 82.419354839 days before his 18th birthday, which doesnt sound like a lot, but due to living in the lower intestine, days are approximated 57.924 times faster, which meant in human terms he actually only had 1.42288783301 days left until he HAD to leave, otherwise he would overstay his welcome and his little sister would be kicked out early, flying round the u-bend and disappearing, like a phantom in the night.

Luckily for Timmy, it seems as though his landlord was on a bit of a health kick, and drinking shit tons of water. The actual reason was a vicious hangover from drinking too much Guinness, but we wont go into that just now.

So Timmy drank water as much as he could, but it wasnt working, he felt like he was getting soft, he wasnt a tough shit like he used to be, he was dribbling everywhere, he couldnt speak without spraying, he was a mess.

He had had enough, he took one look back at his family. His fat piece of shit father who was too big and too hard to leave. His younger sister, born only 2 cycles ago. And his newly pregnant mother, a small corndrop in the corner of her eye.

He packed his shitty belongings into a bag, and headed for the anus, hoping to at least get a glimpse of the future he could have had.

As he approached the anus, he felt something wrong, he couldnt hold himself together, he was slipping, slowly down, his bodily fluids falling off of him like a leper on a mildly warm day. That was when he realised something. Something amazing!

He could move on to the new world, he just NEEDED to be sloppy and wet, he turned back to tell his family, but he could no longer stand, he had no legs at this point. He tried to claw his way up but he was just slowly dribbling towards the gaping abyss before him, towards the bright white porcelain on the other side.

He splattered everywhere. It was fucking disgusting.

THE END.

EPILOGUE:

Timmys mum gave birth to a beautiful black baby.

Daddy was pissed as shit.

#ShortStory #ShitStory #DailyWriting

[dreamse]

me hearing both my friends' shitstories about their boyfriends on valentine's day and idk if i'm happy i'm single or if i want a gf to spoil and do it right with .

#ooc. #late night thoughts while im messing around on my phone n dont hsve a single tag #whats new

[wolfgangwithoutgang]

im just started watching Strangers From Hell and i think my brain is fuqed up after just 1 episone

idk what is waiting for me but im scared

i wasnt that confused reading wattpad shitstories lol

#strangers from hell #kdrama #korean #confused

[ao3feed-bnha-rarepair]

Last Letter

Last letter by Haresmeh

Extreme manga spoiler of chapter 306 of BNHA credit to Horikoshi and stuff. This shit is made as a copy sistem. You all can trash it (I know that i don't know how to write) but not to harsh, i would love pointers to get better and every time i get corrections that make sens i will edit it

Words: 807, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Characters: Kendou Itsuka

Relationships: Kendou Itsuka/Midoriya Izuku

Additional Tags: shitstory

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30983372

#AO3 Feed #FanFiction #AO3 Izukendo #♥ #Izukendo #��� #✋ #⚤ #A:Haresmeh