#shit sucks right now for all of us

[batwynn]

I’ve added a new Pride sticker grab bag up in my shop for early birds! I’ll be adding some more stuff soon. :)

What’s in the bag:

All 3”x3” holographic stickers.

1 Pride Dandelion

1 Pride Tiger

1 Frog and Toad

#pride #lgbtq+ #queer creator #stickers #frog and toad #sticker pack #queer creatives #you can also always join my patron Sticker Club option to get new stickers way in advance #this year’s pride sticker option 1 will be a sticker sheet #I am very excite #anyway sorry for the price being higher #I’m basically making no money off them with the fees these days #so that price pretty much just covers the sale and shipping stuff and barely the cost of the sticker themselves #Etsy sucks so much #anyway #I just wanted to share them with folks #shit sucks right now for all of us

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter. #he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point. #and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!! #hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do! #the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into- #one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT. #but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb. #I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time. #and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances. #and doesn’t want to hear any excuse. #but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment. #NOW. CHAPTER 17. #UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN #Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC. #IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!! #BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’ #WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM. #(​NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.) #and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through. #despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up. #like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him. #that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying. #just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner. #IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD. #and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore. #he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had. #and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT. #<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but. #eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind. #I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags

[oozeandgoo-art]

#oc #haven #rex #monochrome #contents: a little raunchy for tumblr #doodle #really high effort one but it's about the shapes more than anything else lol #meme redraw #comic #i may color this. the original plan was to color it. however i spent all my energy for coloring on drawing an aftermath coda #im fond of this one. there's a lot happening in it #haven and rex are both dressed "up'' to annoy the other's plus-one minor enemy #<- specific au element #rex is wearing a weezer shirt because haven knows that'll piss off taran. haven is dressed up like rex's best attempt at a mid-00s surfer #because he knows felyx cant fucking stand haven and is also into buff masc dudes dressed in jeans with rhinestones and thinks it'll be funn #to put felyx in the Lustful Colander #(he is right) #haven's house is not actually a cool neat influencer home or whatever there's no like open floorplan white walls light bamboo floor bullshi #going on here. it's all like green and red granite tile and shit. the man has been around for a very long time he knows what kind of decor #he's fond of. those ARE fish tanks in the walls though. and a spiral staircase #the man has been around for a very long time. he does not give a shit if what he likes is 'tacky' #also when the one speechbubble he says gets weird it is because he is using a magic power and forcing rex to put his cigarette out. rex is #naturally kind of annoyed about this. it used to make haven wince when he put his cigs out on his hands so he keeps doing it every time thi #happens but he has not yet cottoned on to the fact that haven has fully stopped wincing and now just thinks it's a normal habit he has #and has no idea that it's specifically aimed in his direction #also haven has no issue with giving head but rex isn't aware of that. they don't communicate well #and what Rex is actually aware of mostly consists of 'asking him to bottom turned into a giant argument and then a physical actual fight #and he broke my jaw in like four places over it and it was awesome but i didnt get what i wanted' and kind of gave up on the subject #he couldve been getting his d!ck sucked this whole time and he didnt know it. so sad #lineart

[bluewinnerangel]

There's a stand with gills sushi outside the venue eat up everyone nomnom

#keep going man #DARKER #MAKE US UNCOMFORTABLE #BASK IN THE ABSURDITY #SEE HOW FAR YOU CAN TAKE IT WITHOUT PEOPLE FUCKING SEEING #get worse mermaid im consuming your funny business so hard rn #thats art bro thats the fking art right there /leonardo dicaprio pointing/ #i literally saw someone go YEY IM THE FIRST CUSTOMER oh lord hes just in his darkass lounge going its all going according to plan #dont get me wrong im not happy celebrating and entertained bc the industry fucking sucks im just focuing on how harrys dealing with it #bc now this is top tier shit #this goin over ppls heads bc i put my thoughts in the tags instead of inthe main post isnt it

[front-facing-pokemon]

#mega salamence #did not forget this one. i was like… salamence is a competitive pokémon. and megas happen in competitive. salamence has a mega‚ right? #i was right. they do. here it is. it just gets Even More primary colors. the yellow in the eyes completes the Primary Colors Trio #and their chin turns red instead of white. also i guess their model is yelling at us instead of smiling with their farquaad chin. they're so #appy that they got to mega evolve :) even though something-something TPC like canonized that mega evolution like. hurts?? and sucks?? #and the pokémon hate it or something?? as their excuse for why they removed it. i have no idea if that's true or not i think it's something #i heard one time and probably never fact-checked. and to be honest? i don't really feel like fact-checking it right now either #my power is out. and i was gonna put some curry chicken in the slow cooker. but now i can't. i was trying to get better about trying new #foods and eating better bc of the 'Tism always wanting me to eat the same shit all the time but no00o0oo0o the universe said i was gonna #have an AWFUL morning. by the time this posts it'll have been over for like two weeks but. well. Sahhry!

[cinnamon-phrog]

Do you ever see a take in a fandom tag and you're like HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH

#it was SO contradictory too ugh. and a mutual liked it! #you disrespect me. you disrespect my whole family #you call us 'stinky poopy babies' #you punched my wife. you kick mah baby you KICKed my FOCKin BABY #you ate our dog. YOU ATE OUR HOUSE #/ref #it's always the people i like too. everytime i want to find a d/ hmis artist or mutual BAM they're mean petty and even a nonce #and mean to peoples with hc's like mine. yes yes it happens in every fandom but not to the point where literally everybody sucks! #aside from my mutuals who are casually into the show you guys are boss <33 #a d/ hmis artist will tell me they don't care/ even like my hc's and i'll feel great #a couple months later and they're talking shit about it or liking posts about why people who have said hcs are somehow predatory #as if there aren't actual predators in the tags and their little supportive minions running amuck. who draw LITERAL cp of Yellow #i'm not mad anymore i've become very numbed to this. i end up losing 'friends' to the point where i don't know how to make them anymore. #'course that doesn't mean i'll stop trying though. but give benefit of the doubt and be MASSIVELY let down. #or assume the worst. be RIGHT and yet still be somehow worse for assuming. #so i'm just gonna not interact. i'll still put my s/elfship stuff in the tags though i am above guilt or shame now. Look At My Post Boy #cuz like if all these people can get away with being petty and two faced then i can get away with smooching puppets #make Love not War

[themyscirah]

Suffering more than Jesus atm (being a fan of 80s/90s Suicide squad in 2024)

#god amanda waller what did they do to you.... #i KNOW i never shut up about this but GUYS ITS SO BAD #fucking WHY would you take the interesting antihero protagonist and then strip her of any redeeming quality and use her as this horrific #unforgivable villain who is treated as a hated antagonist in her own comics #WHERE SHE ISNT EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTER MOST OF THE TIME #like why are you trying to make me sympathize with fucking harley quinn or smth when the actual main character is right there. why are we #turning her into this horrific villain w a million master plans making deals with the devil and shit. #we are supposed to like her. like maybe not all dc fans do because shes almost always an antagonist in other books but in her own shes the #main character!!! there should be some aspect of interest or sympathy for her. as opposed to just making her like badass or whatever #so sick of this #and its in freaking EVERYTHING right now on god i cant read other comics that are otherwise good (like ga) and enjoy them without the #obligatory intense demonification of one of my fave characters #like shes my no 6 in locg for a reason i genuinely love waller like yeah she sucks sometimes but shes INTERESTING. #this is not interesting or creative in any way what theyre doing with her #this genuinely could have been any government baddie like honestly #dont flatten 3 dimensional characters into 1 dimension (or at best like 1.5) to tell a story you tell the story around the 3d characters. #why do i need to say this. basic competent storytime #blah #amanda waller #istg i throw out another waller rant every freaking tuesday on here #suicide squad #you know what. at least we had the movie #you heard me. higher hopes for the new gunn dceu series than actual comics for the forseeable future #viola davis save me... #need to do a bit of 00s reading still to verify but on god watch this all come down to a fucking new 52 thing. like not to say that i think #thats where it all went wrong bc i need to read more to verify but i have an idea of what rlly did it and i think it was a nu52 decision #but then again maybe im stupid

[orcelito]

I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

#speculation nation #negative/ #this got really long on accident. but i think typing this out was really helpful for me. #getting the thoughts out. processing. the works. #nearly cried several times just from writing this. #...and honestly i might reference this again when i start seriously writing my eulogy. #things suck a Lot right now. and i really wish they were different. #feels like i picked a bad choice in a video game and am now seeing the Bad Ending or whatever #all i need to do is reload a previous save. it's all still there. perfectly preserved in my memories. #but... that's all gone. as suddenly and unfair as it is ive been thrust into a new chapter of my life so thoroughly. #it's not all bad though. he wasnt prepared for dying so it's been hell to prepare for him #we dont know if we'll even be able to get into his fucking iphone. stupid piece of shit. #but he had life insurance. he had a union job. and That comes with benefits #(something about a year's salary going to the family. aka half a year's salary to Me. and isnt That mind boggling.) #as much as it hurts im going to be realistic about it. im going to do what i need to finish my education. #and im going to use it as a springboard for finally becoming a 'proper adult'. #the kind who could own a nice kitchen fridge. one with an ice machine on the front of the door #and freezers in the drawers. #maybe then i could think about getting motorcyle lessons. not from my dad as i originally wanted #but i wanna keep the family biker spirit alive. i wanted it even before he died. and now i want it even more. #ive had so so many thoughts. it's only been 3 days. ive had to emotionally numb myself several times just to Get Through It. #everything is exacerbated. my mom wants to go to the funeral. we will have to fight her on this. my dad Hated her. #and i certainly dont fucking want her around either. not then. not when im talking about my dad. #(my dad. my Dad. i saw him die. i felt him cold. i do not regret it. it still hurts me.) #it's overwhelming. i loved him so fucking much. even with his flaws he was truly an amazing father. #i'll... shut up now. if you read this far. well. hug your loved ones a little tighter. you never know when youll lose them.

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

You know I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel for extra credit in my assignments when I’m trying to pass-off my fursona as some kind of clever marketing strategy

#should I nix it or should I keep it #the actual logo I came up with for this assignment sucks. #this is what happens when you don't have a unique selling point and your online persona is just. you. and you make. art of normal humans #girl help I aint got a brand and this module is all about selling your brand lkdsgjsk #I can't use my characters on business cards and shit because they all just people! they'll think that's meant to be me or something! #my ''I'll figure it out later'' approach to my artistic identity is biting me in the ass right here and now #my prof came over too see my work and said it's very steven universe esque and my soul left my fucking body #now. I love steven universe forever and always. but lord almighty I need a new brand image #personally I was going for Collector(toh)core but heuegjewg #I don't want that to be My Thing but it's all I can currently think of without putting an unnecessary amount of effort into a uni assignment #stars and pastels and flat shading because it's easy babeyy

[nexus-nebulae]

odd thing we've noticed. the less okay we are the smaller our active system gets

#like logically you'd think we'd get more members while stressed but we don't usually #we actually split way more often when we're feeling okay and alive #i think it has something to do with mental bandwidth #like when mental health bad we don't have enough mental energy to put towards the system #so we just. reduce a lot in size. to make the workload easier #like a few months ago we had about 100+ people active at once all rotating out frequently and cofronting a TON #and now we're down to like. three or four active the rest really only able to be active for a few minutes at a time #we're just too exhausted to deal with the chaos of so many people so it kinda. slows down a ton #it's hard to get used to when everything was So Loud before. its kinda scary sometimes #like damn. i cant just call Incredibly Specific Task Guy to deal with this task i really cannot do right now. that kinda sucks #but knowing that this is like. more bc of the fact that we Can't Deal With Much More Than This makes it a little easier #we're a bit like my current computer. shit ass RAM bc its got like 50 malware (illnesses) on it #and once i get a new computer (get a little better and more functional) i can get back to multitasking #side note my god my RAM on this computer is shit running tumblr and minecraft at the same time totally breaks it #like it makes the Entire Computer run at 10 fps it's Great #i'm getting a new one at the end of this month hopefully #and hopefully Actually Nice Thing Accomplished will also help brain a lot #also not having to stress about how annoying to use our computer is should help lmao

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

.

#warning: rant about parent ahead #I’m so so so so so empathetic to mental health struggles #like exceedingly so #but it’s just so exhausting being on the receiving end of someone’s self-loathing #and to be clear I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE HERE #you are all my phone besties and I have so much empathy for your struggles and know that i love you all #and wish i could say the right thing to support you all always and you are always welcome to share whatever is going on #and to quote the bard herself i wish i could take the bombs in your head and disarm them #but when my mother gets into these moods she just seems to use it as a way to get a rise out of us #she’s pulling the ‘well maybe you don’t want to do x with me because it’s not fun because I’m a terrible person and you’re scared of me #and i ruin everything so maybe you would just rather i do everything alone’ #and i don’t doubt she feels horrible and i know she has intrusive thoughts etc #but that is so manipulative!!!! she then puts the onus on us to reassure her that she is not!!!! But that is not what she wants!!!! #which we then do profusely and remind her that we do love her and we do do things together and whatever the fuck is the problem of the day #but of course she won’t hear it #so yes it makes us scared of her because we are always worried we’re going to say the wrong thing in a given moment!!!! #i just shut the fuck up at all times now #but my dad tries to use reason with her and of course it just ends in her lashing out and projecting all this shit on him #’oh you maybe you actually hate me maybe you want to leave me’ etc #THEY’VE BEEN MARRIED DECADES HE’S THE MOST LOYAL AND KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD HE NEVER ONCE HAS #i honestly don’t know how he lets this roll off his back because i am so fed up with it #It’s just so so so so hard because one minute she’s ‘herself’ and the other she’s this inferno #and we just have to ride whatever wave she’s on and it sucks all the air out of the room #it’s like the one and only time i tried to very gently bring up that something she said was hurtful *after she’d brought it up herself* #she went on a ‘oh I’m a terrible person/terrible parent’ rant and it then turned into me reassuring her that she isn’t #i was just trying to show her how the language/behaviour she uses was hurtful to me #so anyway that was lesson learned that even if she invites it i will never speak of it and luckily she hasn’t since and that was years ago #But it’s just… i know bad thoughts can’t be helped and again i feel so much pain on her behalf for what she struggles with #and i wish i could help but there’s absolutely nothing i can do #AND SHE’S GONE OFF ALL HER MEDS SO THE ONE SOURCE SHE DID HAVE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE EITHER

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem #shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide #what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne #...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain #and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make #but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves #not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here' #it's sick; it truly is #but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better #we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair #only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide #the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same #you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help #that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink #get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope #we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said #'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die' #I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up #I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure #and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty #my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows) #...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more... #and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet #it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last #...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind #I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die #and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income #given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now #mm tag so i can find things later

[arolesbianism]

Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner

#rat rambles #oc posting #warriors posting #spiraling upwards #long story short they had a shitty awful terrible leader who sucked absolutely ass and they tore him to shreds #I mean that literally they pinned him onto the mountain side and slashed and mauled the shit out of him so hard that his lives evaporated #and several of the cats involved in that scene are sill alive and major parts of the story and I love them #oh also the cat that pinned him through a stab through the throat was his own daughter btw everyone hated his ass so much #and for good reason get his ass #alas in the main story I dont rly get to go too deep into how he harmed everyone involved mostly just three main ones #aka bristlestar because shes murtlepaw's ghost mom dawncrackle because hes also haunting murtle and gullspot because shes bristle's kit #so basically all the flashbacks we get involve those three in some form or another #honeystar was also there and involved but Im not currently planning on having her rly talk abt that #most of her more modern angst is the fact that she was forced into leadership against her will #and shes been alive long enough that shes been leading birchclan far longer than she ever lived in her old clan #but she did go through a lot of shit before birchclan was founded and it definitely shaped her a lot #she used to be a very determined and high spirited lil kitty cat who tried to be optimistic #but her family began to slowly be picked off one by one by both the old leader and the one whod later get evicerated #some of the older cats around her hoped it make her back down from her revelutionary ideas but she noticed that and it backfired on them #instead of being worn down to submission she became absolutely Furious and began to lash out more and become more demanding #it got to the point that she really only had two friends in the entire clan and one of them was her aunt whod later also die after coming #out abt having witnessed the leader killing his own kits #that was the final fucking straw for her and she was fully on board when bristle and dawn started looking for cats to join their rebellion #she did get rly frustrated with them as they waited patiently for the right moment but her remaining bestie kept her from going apeshit #so once the big fight finally broke out she was more than eager to join the hoard of cats chasing the bastard upwards #now unlike some of the other cats involved this legitimately actually made her feel a lot better for a while #for the first time in ages she finally felt like she could be optimistic abt smth again and was excited abt the idea of leaving this place #she had lost so much in this damn place since she was an apprentice and just wanted to finally be able to rest easy #but once they got to their new territory and set up camp things went south real fast as a flood fucked everything up #and after losing the only cat she had left in her life and losing her tail and being made deputy on top of that she deteriorated quickly

[thedreadvampy]

hey fun thing. fun thing I'm experiencing lately. is that the case which every terf journo in the fucking UK is freaking themselves about FINALLY being able to put on the front page - trans woman convicted of rape sent to women's prison - is uhhhhhhhh. really close to home? emotionally? for me? and it's on every fucking newsstand????

(obviously transparent as fuck every time that everyone's suddenly so concerned about the wellbeing of women in prison when all the same publications are usually in the CRIMINAL SCUM PRISONS ARE TOO SOFT TRAIN but OKAY. OKAY. since you suddenly care so much about female prisoners shall we uhhhhh idk address the rate of sexual assaults by guards? police? other cisgender prisoners? maybe rethink the whole 'prison' thing as a whole? oh this is just about how you think trans women are scary again? cool. cool cool cool.)

#red said #the commonality. not to overshare. is that i was raped in 2013 by someone who then went to court in 2015-16 following another incident #and that was a wake-up call for her about her increasingly bad drug and alcohol use and blackouts (which was what happened in both cases) #and so she started self examining on that and partway through the case she realised she was trans #and the thing is i know this bc despite what she did we were still friends by the time it went to court #i was a supporting witness because my experience was used as evidence that it was a pattern of out of control behaviour #anyway it dragged on for a while. even longer bc she was a us national in the us military so the civil case was dropped but #there was also a military investigation #which i didn't have to provide evidence for in the end but i was on the hook not knowing if i would need to for like. another 2 years. #anyway the transition aside there's a lot else about this case which resonates with my experience during that time??? #and it sucked a lot going through that case and i would prefer not to have to think about it every time i pop to the fucking supermarket??? #(also this is gonna sound bad but the thing i resent most about that whole affair was that during the case and her early transition #she leant on me for support a LOT? so i was doing all this trauma reliving and giving witness statements but also before and after that #she called me almost every day to talk about the toll it was taking on her. and i was like. i think you're right to talk about this #and i think you need support right now #but i also think. it's fucking wild that you think I'm the person to offer that when i just told you you assaulted me in a drunken blackout #like. my big Sick Trauma Feeling memories from that time are a) court and b) Oh No My Phone Is Ringing Again #anyway. this is a big trauma dump that may be misinterpreted which is why i don't talk about the case that much? #but this is part of why i hate terfs so much. the insistence on treating an individual's shit behaviour as condemnation of All Trans People #makes it Really Fucking Hard for those of us who've experienced individual shitty behaviour from a trans person #but recognise that that's just a statistical probability based on how many people do shitty things in the population at large #to talk about harm we've experienced without being coopted to a genocidal narrative

[aropride]

what to talk about in therapy today ... 🤔

#text #neg #i know i should talk about The Trauma but like #i dont know . its just #euck . i dont want anyone to know What Happened except for people who Absolutely Have To #which is like. title 9 guy + the investigator.and thats it #but i also like . dont want to talk about how i Feel bc its the same shit over and over what if talking abt it doesnt help #and i know how itll go ill talk abt it and we'll talk abt coping mechanisms and then the conversation is over and i think this therapy isnt #right for me. which sucks. and i dont want to deal with that right now or ever #And like can i even get better without talking about it. can i even get better at all #like how do i when i have so much older shit to work thru too. its all tied together i cant just heal one part of it i dont think really #and its also like. nothing has really Happened with The Situation this week its just been me getting really scared and really sad #over and over. so i dont have an update or anything for him i just have. yknow. I Feel Sad And Scared And It Wont Stop #and we can talk about coping mechanisms but it wont help bc ill use them in the moment but that just gets me thru the moment #it doesnt get me thru Everything. it doesnt fix the problem #and its also like What does.what does fix the problem #or do i just live like this forever

[fridayyy-13th]

well i'm having an evening, certainly

#friday chats #it's one of those days where every little misfortune piles up and then you feel like shit #the most recent being i noticed i chipped my 3DS. when it's closed on the hinge side right below the right camera button #three little pieces have cracked off. and i have them still so i'm inquiring to a friend if i can superglue it #but i know how it cracked and it's my own fault #(kept it in my backpack's side pocket w/o its case and setting said backpack down too hard must've done it) #i've had this thing nearly ten years and it's still in pretty darn good condition! i'm really upset that i've chipped it!! #it's got a ton of memories attached to it and i still use it all the time!!! and it still works perfectly fine i turned it on to check #but i've tarnished something important to me and it sucks knowing that when i've taken such good care of it for this long. #and i know i'm kind of focusing on this one thing #but it's like. a tangible thing. not the intangible worries and stresses i'm dealing with. so it's easier. if that makes sense? #bc good GOD do i have plenty of intangible things on my back right now #just. eugh. hopefully tomorrow will be better :/