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elliemarchetti · 6 months

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Instinct

The follow up to Habit Rouge, or the actual Halloween party, in Eris’s POV.

I stole LoA’s name from @andrigyn's A Swing in the Dark, check it out if you haven’t already because it’s very good, just like everything she does.

Plot: Eris recognizes Nesta’s scent at the party.

Warnings: no beta, we die like heroes.

Words: 3049

The music was strangely to his taste, nothing like the electronic crap that nowadays played on the radio wherever he went. For too many years the mortals had depended on technology for everything they did, and the absence of a DJ in favour of live music only served to demonstrate they weren’t welcome at the event. Whoever the organizer was, they certainly weren’t Eris’s age, or they would’ve preferred strings and trumpets to guitars and drums, but he knew how to find satisfaction in what he was given, especially considering the chaos of bodies moving on the improvised dancefloor.

With all those werewolves around, the smell wasn't really the best, and soon the stench of sweat would overtake those of the expensive essences the witches had doused themselves with, but even then, he would bear it, if only to find someone to spend that night of revelry with. It was his last lover who invited him, a witch from New Orleans with long white hair and deep blue eyes, the same shade as the ocean on hot summer days. Appropriate, considering her specialty was water manipulation. He could see her among the patrons of the bar, together with her brother and cousin. To the casual eye, they could all have been mistaken for twins, their features so similar and exotic. The oldest of them had his muscular arm around the shoulders of a middle-aged woman, and judging by the adoring smiles he flashed her from time to time, she must’ve been his partner. In the human world, in the broad daylight he had to avoid for centuries, such an attitude would certainly have caused a stir, but here it was normal, encouraged even. After all, although the sorcerer looked twenty-five at best, he must’ve been at least four times older. Surprisingly, Eris too felt his actual age on that chilly night.

He was born in Spain during a violent period, on a year in which freedom was only a distant memory and you couldn’t trust your neighbour, the risk of being sold to the Inquisition as Jew out of mere envy so high that one barely allowed distant family members to visit. The matter shouldn’t have affected him, the Vanserras were fervent Catholics, and it hadn’t, until Eris turned thirteen. He still remembered vividly the day he found out his mother was pregnant for the seventh time. His father had organized a sumptuous banquet, and had announced the happy news with such satisfaction Eris almost feared he wanted to demonstrate to the guests how active he still was in the nuptial bed. Lucien was born the following year, and despite the mild winter, the blood of the maids who had assisted Lady Vanserra during the birth must’ve run cold. The child had auburn hair, and eyes of the same russet as his mother, but his skin was noticeably darker than that of his brothers, so much so that the whispers he was a half Moor reached Eris’s tutor, who was engaged in a lesson with the three oldest children, before they arrived to Beron’s ears.

“Are you sure?” the man asked under his breath, and although the other two students had taken advantage of the opportunity to distract themselves from their books, Eris listened attentively.

“Half Maghreb, I swear,” the woman replied, before disappearing back into the corridors of the villa. They called it the Forest House, and although there were various woods in Spain, the name was due to the quantity of fruit trees the founder of the family had planted all around the estate. Acres and acres of land that Eris knew like the back of his hand, an advantage he used to smuggle out the suspiciously silent baby.

“Run,” his mother had told him that night, still covered in dried sweat, holding back tears. “Leave Spain before your father comes back and never return.”

Eris had kept his promise, even when he discovered they’d both been burned alive. Helion hadn’t embraced God, and Lady Vanserra hadn’t regretted having loved him.

How a fourteen-year-old boy had managed to keep a newborn alive could only be explained through the compassion of strangers: he’d met women who had acted as wet nurses, and had been offered all sorts of lucky passages; he’d sold some expensive heirlooms for twice their value, and he’d been hired as a kennel master even though he had no previous experience, just a great love for animals.

They’d reached England, where their aunts still lived, when Lucien had already learned how to properly talk and walk. The two women, younger than their deceased sister, had silently mourned Aureliana’s terrible fate, and at the same time did everything possible to make their nephews forget the horrors they had to endure, but in 1563 the plague reached the gates of London, and with it more suffering came. In that wicked year, Lucien lost his eye, and Eris was initiated into the supernatural in a rather unceremonious way.

Everyone knew the symptoms of the plague, the disease that had wiped out nearly half of Europe's population just two hundred years earlier. High fever, headaches and severe weakness were only the first of a long list of ailments that led to almost certain death, and when aunt Drusilla began to suffer from them without apparent relief despite the compresses and treatments her family subjected her to, the only reasonable solution was quarantine. Although it didn’t happen so often, it wasn’t unusual for some members of the same household to get sick and others not, but when the terror reached its peak, and the woman stopped sleeping because of the nausea, officers dresses in long black tunics, with thick leather gloves and masks that still populated Eris’s nightmares, showed up at their door to drag her to the lazaret. Lucien had tried to oppose, to place himself between the bedchamber of the woman who acted as mother and father for him, but someone had drawn his sword, and before Eris could intervene, a long red gash had opened on his brother’s face. The deep cut ran from above his eyebrow almost to his chin, and although they managed to stop the resulting heavy bleeding, Lucien didn’t wake up for days. Seeing his little brother, the one for whom he’d risked his life so many years ago, fighting between life and death had pushed him to extremes he never thought he would reach, and in the middle of the night he’d brought a doctor of ill repute to his room, without the knowledge of his grieving aunt. The man was deathly pale, with deep dark circles surrounding his pitch-black eyes. He spoke with a heavy accent, and something in his movements seemed ancient, dating back to times when there weren’t abundant wealth and urban centres teeming with life, but remote villages and a life marked by the alternation of the seasons. He warned him that he would have to pay dearly for his brother’s recovery, and that Lucien would no longer be able to lead a normal existence.

“A solitary life, with an insatiable thirst,” he concluded, after which he laughed at his determination to stay by his side despite everything.

“You would die, and you will do it long before he goes back to being who you now call brother,” he’d warned, so Eris asked if there was no way to follow him on that path, to condemn himself too, if this would serve to help him.

“It's possible,” the doctor confirmed, “but you'll have to pay double.”

The price to reduce his existence to the shadow of what could’ve been, to be dominated by predatory instincts that scratched his chest and broke his ribs if they weren’t indulged, started with the blood of two servants. Eris had sent for them on a plausible pretext, and then watched the doctor drain them as if they were tasty glasses of fine wine, no emotion in his eyes. Soon he too learned how thrilling the taste of healthy people could be, and how bitter that of the sick and the drug addicts was.

For almost fifty years, Lucien hadn’t forgiven him for that choice. It was too much, death preferable to damnation. Eris had told him that he could choose his own path, go out into the sunlight and burn to ashes if that was what he wished for, but at least his conscience was clear and he would know he did everything possible to keep him alive. Over time, his hatred had weakened, and by the beginning of the eighteenth century the roles seemed to have reversed. The habits and customs of the 1700s definitely suited Lucien’s character more than Eris’s, and the long scar had become the protagonist of daring stories that attracted the admiration of men and the adoration of women. Fame obviously proved to be a double-edged sword, making the borders of unified Britain too small for the comely pairing, so they visited the Empire of Denmark and Norway, Sweden, and the ever-expanding Russian lands, from whose territory they witnessed the fall of the Holy Roman Empire and the coronation of Francis II as Emperor of Austria.

In Moscow, Lucien met his first love. Jesminda was a former serf, a poor woman hardened by work and the constant cold that characterized her homeland. She didn’t care that Lucien was a vampire, nor did he care about the dirty looks they were given when they walked the fancier streets, but her family soon forbade her from seeing a man she wasn’t married with, and since there was no way for Lucien to enter a church without perishing, he had to abandon her. More than Eris himself, who knew very little of love at the time, it was Vasilisa Melentyeva who consoled him. Sixth wife of Tsar Ivan the Terrible, after her husband sent her to a monastery to forget about her and have the freedom to remarry, she fled, resolute in not watching life pass before her eyes, only to end up in the hand of a Death God who first trapped her under the ice of Lake Baikal, and then, when he’d grown tired, cursed her to live the daily hours as a flaming bird, so she could act as a reminder of his immense powers for the growing supernatural population. After a quarter of a millennium, and with the impossibility of communicating when most of the people were awake, Vasilisa found it extremely difficult to adapt to the innovations that had radically changed the daily life she remembered, but in the end she succeeded, and the meeting with a heartbroken Lucien had solidified her will to live.

The latest addition to the bizarre group of redheads, and the one who broke the pattern with his brown hair, had been a sarcastic witch hunter whose soul had been trapped in a disturbing ring decorated with his own eye. The maker of said piece of jewellery had a history with the guy, he killed her sister during a previous job, but Eris pitied the finding he made at the end of the 19th century, and since he needed a specific set of skills to reconstruct a body, he, Lucien and the beautiful Vassa moved to France in hope to win over the leader of a renowned Aquitaine congregation. Grateful for what they did for him, and without any ties to his previous home, Jurian remained with them, discovering to his horror he was unable to age. Immortal and immutable were the only adjectives the magical community had managed to use to describe him, aggravating the quartet’s need to move whenever the local population became suspicious.

In 1915, at the outbreak of the First World War, two vampires, a recently reborn phoenix and a human frozen in time boarded the hold of a merchant ship and fled to America, landing in New York together with tens of thousands of Bulgarian, Greek and Romanians refugees. It was there that their paths parted, and nor for lack of love for each other, but because Eris simply wanted a retired life, far from suffering and prejudice, while Lucien and Jurian aspired to carry on Vassa’s desire to help those in need by bringing a smile and a moment of relief.

It was only much later, after the war ended and the Twenties started to roar, that Eris saw their performance for the first time. The Band of Exiles hid their peculiarities in plain sight, so Lucien, who certainly couldn’t die from a bad fall, was now an improvised acrobat, Queen Vasilisa was a bird of rare plumage and Jurian her tamer, who guided her through courses made of fire rings and mid-air pirouettes. When the spectators had finally emerged from the tent, and the two brothers had a moment to talk alone, Lucien had admitted that they didn’t earn much from the tickets, but at least they managed to lead a life worthy of being called one.

At the end of the decade, when the Great Depression hit the Unites States like a hurricane, Eris settled in Boston on a semi-permanent basis, buying for a paltry price an apartment that at the time could be considered quite luxurious. Finding clothes and sustenance was certainly not difficult for a vampire, and the long immobility to which he was forced by the scarcity of entertainment and jobs suited for his condition allowed him to claim a small number of victims, who went unnoticed thanks to his refined techniques of corpses concealment.

His favourite hunting area was undoubtedly the Public Garden, a place that exuded magic and attracted both supernatural beings and humans alike. There he’d encountered The Morrigan, who he’d helped escape her homophobic immortal family, and there he also met his first male lover, a friend of the aforementioned who was able to merge with shadows. Their relationship had been brief and passionate, but then Azriel had reunited with his friends waiting for him further south, and he’d never heard from him again. Just when he thought his life had fallen back into a monotonous routine, he saw Nesta, a witch with unearthly beauty and an icy gaze, so good at concealing her nature that he tried to seduce her like a fool in an attempt to feed on her. When she laughed in his face, he’d decided she would be his partner for life, no matter what he had to do. The courtship had been relentless, made of expensive gifts, attentions and promises, and when she’d finally been his, Eris had wondered if the Paradise he’d studied about as a child might not be on earth for those who couldn’t yearn for eternal grace. They’d spend years of pure, unconditional joy, until he talked too much, until he revealed feelings she likely wasn’t ready to face. She’d left him after a wonderful night at the theatre, leaving behind her intoxicating scent and a short note of apology. She’d told him her sister urgently needed assistance, and she would get in touch as soon as possible, but it had never happened, and Eris’s local acquaintances had reported that she’d been engaging in a vulgar affair with a werewolf almost five inches taller than him, with arms as wide as tree trunks.

During the 80’s, the neighbourhood where Eris still resided was raided by a gang of thieves. On a mild spring night, they took from him years of memories and the vast majority of the things belonging to the woman he loved, and although he managed to buy back almost everything in local pawn shops and flea markets, her perfume had disappeared from the fabrics, and with it his hope of reliving the moments spent together. Of the few missing pieces, the one he felt most sad for was the red velvet dress she’d worn on that last evening, the one that left her back bare, just a golden chain dangling down her spine. For a brief moment, Eris though he recognized the bodice among the people moving on the dance floor, but his attention was drawn by a lanky witch who nearly spilled the drinks she was holding on his jacket, and when he turned again, the vision disappeared like a cruel hallucination.

“I’m surprised to find you partying in such an unrefined place,” a familiar voice, one he hadn’t heard in over a hundred years, teased. The last time he encountered Vassa, her tone and body had been that of a child, so different from those of the woman in her sixties who had turned to ash one morning in France instead of taking on her usual bird appearance. Now, in front of him stood a decaying beauty, but the playful twinkle in her blue eyes was always the same. Her skin was no longer as white as the day he met her, but pleasantly tanned, a healthy golden colour that highlighted her refined features, and her hair were of a vibrant shade of red, no white in sight, surely thanks to box hair dye. Next to her, Jurian looked younger than he remembered him, but it must’ve been a simple reflection of the years passing for one and not the other.

“I see only one Queen here,” he replied, before pulling his friends into a quick embrace. With the exception of Vasilisa, his small group wasn’t particularly fond of canonical displays of affection, but given the prolonged distance, it almost seemed obligatory to seek for physical contact, a reminder they were all real and alive.

“Where’s my favourite acrobat?” he asked, scanning the crowd behind them with a hopeful gaze.

“He must’ve lost himself in his witch’s embrace. Elain never seems to tire of the old-time poems he recites at every hour of the day, and he…” Jurian started, but his renowned vulgarity was interrupted when Vassa elbowed him in the ribs. To everyone else, his words may have seemed harsh, but Eris recognized the tenderness in his expression as the same he wore when thinking of his brother.

He was just about to ask them if they were going to stay nearby for a while, when an unmistakable scent hit his nostrils, so intense it stunned him.

Nesta was at that party, and he had every intention of finding her.

#halloween themed fic #technically it's a modern au with a lot of historical references #neris #eris vanserra #nesta archeron #past azris #because they don't have to be my otp to recognize their potential #mentioned elucien #lucien vanserra #elain archeron #if you pay attention i hinted at other ships too in this and the previous part #but since there's no name to one of the partners you can do what you want with this info #asks and requests to extend this universe are super welcome #jurian #vassa

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fellhellion · 5 months

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I can’t tell whether this is me having an autism moment or whether this is the kind of thing that crops up 6 months out of a film’s release, and I’m not trying to be an asshole but hand wringing about what if btsv reveals Dana is Gabriella’s biological mother is just. Not a concern I understand tbh.

Like for one, atsv shows less than nothing about her other biological parent. We know Jack shit about whoever contributed 50% of her DNA to the point where there’s just as much evidence for like. Alt Miguel spawning this child asexually like a starfish or this baby arriving in a little white blanket via stork.

There’s no family photos in the bg, no other parent was in Gabriella’s life when her father died otherwise we would’ve been shown them etc. we have more evidence for alt Miguel being a trans man that got a sperm donation than we do a partner being involved in the creation of this kid lmao

also blah blah blah it’s a good writing decision that there’s no partner shown there because otherwise it invites a dimension of moral complication to the story (ie. the violation of trust and consent that is secretly replacing someone’s partner) that atsv just isn’t trying to court, because the entire point of Gabriella as a writing device is to be an additionally sympathetic dimension to Miguel’s motivations and guilt.

Secondly, PAD is the main guy continually referencing Dana as Miguel’s fiancé (whether past or current) and unless he somehow sneaks his way into the writer’s room, I genuinely don’t understand any kind of concern that we’re somehow going to get an other parent reveal for Gabriella when the opportunity for that came and went already, and the film writers have been very open abt the fact they’re taking liberties w this iteration of the character (Asking for Oscar Issac’s opinion on the writing as a Latino man etc) and thus Miguel’s characterisation isn’t supposed to be a one to one adaptation of any singular comic run.

#like if this is just people venting what if scenarios for like #idk playing w what if scenarios ig then aight I guess. but in terms of people who feel like this is a Genuine Concern I dontttttttt #personally understand where that opinion comes from #like yeah sure bad writing always possible but what reason do we have in the story being told to revisit this plot point and ask did #alt Miguel have a partner? when the opportunity to include that info if it was relevant has already come and gone #like yeah the real answer to all of this honestly seems to be a kind of shadowboxing over ships but like. guys.#I don’t understand getting genuinely worked up abt this #also blah blah blah ‘why is Gabriella’s consent not something the story speaks on?’ great question! two parts to the answer!#one is that it’s a writing shorthand where the Point is to make you feel sympathy for Miguel #and thus Gabriella functions as an extent and motivation for his guilt and we just don’t got the time tbh to really dig into this outside o #a transformative space #and secondly within society children are thought of a functionally part of a Family Unit and not autonomous beings and that’s part of the #belief underpinning the very shorthand #she functions as part of the concept of a Family as opposed to an autonomous being who’s also a kid #and thus what she represents in the writing both as a child and a girl is the loss of and desire for family in Miguel #tunes talks critical #long post #tunes talks spiderverse

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nulltune · 7 months

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the bingos are so cuuute 🥺😭💕 hope everyone's havin fun with emm 🫶✨️✨️ i want 2 make one for hakuno too but like 🗿 girl was deadass asked "what's your type" and didn't know how to answer 🗿🗿 so she instead interpreted the question to "what skills should a lover have" (<- a more objective question that she can answer) (and if you're curious abt her answer for that- SHE SAID 💀 cooking, sewing or household finance or laundry. "providing the kind of skills necessary for living together")

#&&. out of #i'm making fun of her a widdle bit but I ACTUALLY RLLY LOVEE THIS MOMENT THOO #rlly shows you how this moon lady thinks !! and i love it sm it's so interesting✨️✨️#and also ☝️🤓 it does tell us that she'd want to live with her lover and isn't one for short flings #but given how devoted and loyal she is that's not rlly new info #STILL GOOD FOOD THO!!! 😤😤❤️ (cherish these h.akuno crumbs.....)#i actually talked abt this topic with tsun b4 and i think it made both of us rip our hair out she's soo .. AVCJAKKF [WHITESCREENS]#also shoutout 2 my ship partners 🤭🥰🤩💖✨️ bc they rlly made the impossible happen BIG LOVE !!!!!

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k1rishiki · 1 year

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it's 2023 and i'm still bitter about how kuroshitsuji, a complex slow burn mystery manga, got absolutely massacred by its shitty semi-episodic shota/fujobait anime adaptation

#like yeah the manga could be a bit questionable in the earlier parts (cough corset scene cough comedic relief grelle + soma & agni cough)#but almost all of that got retconned once yana toboso was allowed to have more creative freedom over her work #(and her editor's interference is something we Know had a p drastic effect on the series bc it Literally Gave Us Grelle (toboso wanted to #have a female jack the ripper but her editor said that if she did then she would've had to be working w a man. so in response toboso #decided that madam red's partner in crime would be as effeminate as possible so grelle was created in the vein of buffalo bill and then #only in her next appearance a few arcs later when the book of murder arc was over and done with was she acknowledged to be a trans woman #not the best situation for girlie overall but the manga started treating her much better over time + she slayed)#but the anime was on a whole different level s1 Literally ended while teasing a kiss between a grown adult and a 12 year old #and then s2 just made up random bullshit including a brand new 14 year old to ship bait w adults #and it doesn't help that whenever the series comes up everyone in the surrounding area becomes 50x more susceptible to false info #(see: undertaker's real name being shared around on an image that's literally watermarked by a TUMBLR HEADCANONS BLOG)#so there's a p decent subset of ppl who believe it was originally meant to be a yaoi (rumor that began from the same hc blog)#or that yana toboso is a shotacon (pr.osh.ippers on twt made that one up to try and win arguments)#i want the series to get the fmab treatment w a shiny new anime made by some1 other than a-1 pictures #bc we've seen what happens when they try and adapt the arcs that came out after they committed to the random bullshit plots of s1-2 #in the form of the book of murder circus & atlantic ovas. which are excessively plain and just streamlined disconnected and heartless #renditions of the manga arcs which will make no sense to anyone who hasn't already read it. they're like ufotable's fate route ova but at #least that has higher production values and is somewhat visually interesting #romeo.txt

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countlessrealities · 10 months

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SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

tagged by: @dynamoprotocol [[ thank you 🖤 ]] tagging: @imprvdente @omniishambles @misstantabismuses @bossblitzy / @lankybirdy @vastayan--vigilante @halfghcst @hclluvahctel @treasurechcst & whoever wants to steal it !

[[ half of it is under the cut because it got long ^^" I guess it comes with being a multimuse with quite a few muses xD ]]

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

If we're talking canon x canon ships, I have a few, but not for all my muses, also because some of them are OCs. To mention some: Adrien/Cat Noir & Marinette/Ladybug, Mabel & Pacifica, Blitzo & Stolas, Millie & Moxxie.

For what concerns ships that I've developed through RPs, that list is much longer and I've built quiet a few of very meaningful dynamics that I love and cherish, just as a I love and cherish the RP partners I write them with:

@advnterccs / @thcpresidcnt / @mcltiples: Rin is that RP partner with whom I have a lot of ships (some on Tumblr, a lot others on Discord) and I love each one to bits (yes, I consider them all OTPs of mine). I suppose that our main ship here on the hellsite are the Ricks (who are self proclaimed soulmates and act obnoxiously about it, followed closely by Evl Rick & Weird Rick (whose relationship is messed up, twisted, unhealthy, unbalance and yet perfect for them), but they are hardly the only ones. We also have our Mortys (who are too cute to be legal omg), whatever it is that there is between our Evil Mortys (that's another twisted interesting relationship right there x3), her Evil Rick with one of my OCs (AR) who have this very playful fling (until it's not), and we've been plotting a dynamic between two of our OCs (Mercenary Rick & Vampire Rick)...another weird one xD The funniest thing is that none of these ships developed as we were expecting and I'm really glad for it because they are even better like this! We also have not fully established ship ideas, for example Rick & Verosika being fuck buddies, or we're still deciding what to do with Adrien & Marinette. And of course, just as important, we have a good list of platonic ships! To mention a couple, our Summers are BFF and her Evil Rick is the best friend of one of my OCs (SR). Also there's that real freaking odd thing between my Evil Rick and hers, which I wouldn't know what to call.

@imprvdente / @hvbris: Chloé is one of my oldest RP and shipping partners and there hasn't been one time when we haven't come up with some, at times unexpected ships x3 We ended up with her demon OC Salomé and Bill being engaged in an arranged marriage, which was the last kind of plot I had expected to write for Bill xD But they are amazing and I love them! In her human verse, Salomé is also my Summer's girlfriend. Then we have her main OC Fish (in her main verse) being Rick's fuck buddy and ex-wife (yep, sonone ended up getting drunk married and it was hilarious), while in her teen verse she's Morty's classmate, close friend and secret crush x3 We some great platonic ships too, like the GIdeon twins & the Pines twins, or the Gideon twins & Bill (not a friendly bond as you can imagine xD). In the verse where FIsh has a thing with Rick, she's also Summer's mentor figure and she's friends with Morty. And there's more to come!

@dynamoprotocol: Where can I start to describe the pit of endless ask and past bliss that Rick and Clarissa are? It started off years before the series are a passionate but unhealthy romance that ended in a disastrous break-up, and is currently a bitter, painful relationship made of constant fighting and playing the guilt game. Locke and I have discussed possible plots that could lead them to reconcile (not necessarily getting back together) and I'm really looking forward to explore those! Just as I'm really excited about Clarissa's transition arc and Rick and Chance's rebuilt, healthier relationship. Not to mention that Clarissa / Chance exists in a variant of my and Rin's shared verse and she's dating her Rick x3 But our endgame is a poly relationship with the three of them! Also Clarissa is starting to befriend Morty and Summer too, and Chance's relationship with Morty is just beautiful.

@technodromes: Let me start saying that the developing ships I have with Saby were born kinda by chance, because she sent a meme in which I mentioned that Rick would fuck everyone of the Technodrome crew (aside from the manchildren ofc) and all of a sudden Rick was flirting / teasing / messing with all three her blorbs (Krang, Subprime, Bishop). For now, nothing is really officially established, but it's pretty obvious that they are (sometimes reluctant) friends who are attracted to each other...in some way xD In any case, all those relationships are hilarious, but I'm also waiting for the parts were they will not be -insert evil laughter- Also BIG shootout for Morty and Bishop's friendship because it's one of the most wholesome platonic ships I have on this blog! Also, I'm curious to see what will happen between Summer and Subprime xD

@moonspower: Virote & Rick are another very fun pair. Looking at them, you would expect them to get along because they are extremely different, and they do butt heads a lot. However, they also relish said differences, because they allow each other to experience a completely different lifestyle and view of the world. Not to mention that, under their personas, they are both flawed, traumatised individuals who struggle a lot with everything they have gone through. Rick at times resents how much more put together than him Vi looks and Vi is a little envious or Rick's apparent freedom, but the truth is that they are more similar than they realise. By now Virote is a family friend, and he has a good amical bond with Morty and Summer too.

@misstantabismuses: Jinx and Summer started as a crack ship, but it turned out that they work really well together, so Miss T and I decided to let them live their mutual (still unconfessed) crush on each other x3 Summer provides a somehow healthier, stabler point of view for Jinx, while Jinx pushes Summer to believe more in herself and not to fear her wilder side. I think that they make a really good pair. And speaking of being good for each other, Morty and Jinx are each other trauma support group. Their experiences are very different, but at the same time they can understand and relate to each other. They feel appreciated and accepted for what they are and I love how they have come to always have each other's back. It's a beautiful friendship / kinship right there.

There are a few others relationships I'm enjoying, but they are still at the early stages, so I still need to get a proper vibe out of them. But I'm looking forward to see where they will go too!

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

Honestly, most of my muses don't really consider age as a factor that can stop them from being attracted to someone else and, personally, I don't have an issues with large age gaps. As long as it makes sense for the character and as long as it's mutual and consensual, then age isn't really a deal breaker for me.

Of course, if it is for my ship partner, I do respect their boundaries and let them choose what gap is too large for their comfort. I just roll along with it.

The biggest, clearest example is the ships I have with my Ricks (also because they get engaged with aliens, non-organic beings, etc, so age becomes an extremely relative concept)...C-137 especially, since he's the muse who has more relationships than anyone else on this blog.

As I mentioned, among his main ships there are Clarissa [@dynamoprotocol] who is roughly 30 years younger than him, Virote [@moonspower] who is almost 40 years younger than him, Fish [@imprvdente] who is immortal and has been around for more or less 400 years. And then you have Saby's blorbs [@technodromes] who are like...5000 years old? And same goes (to quote a more recent sexual relationship he has acquired) with Petal [@petalsxfallen] who is even older than the Utrom trio.

So yeah, I think this proves that no age gap is too large for me, as long as what I said before about consent (for both muns and muses) is respected.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW?

This kind of depends. I always tag threads that can't be considered PG-13 as "suggestive tw", to allow people who don't want to see the slightest hint of steam to curate their content. So, like, even just a make out session that isn't going to turn into an intercourse but that's written with some details, that gets tagged as "suggestive tw".

As for when "suggestive tw" turns into "nsft tw", I usually draw the line at when certain words start being used (mostly words to explicitly describe genitals) and when clothes start to come off in a sexy way (if that makes sense xD). At that point, not only the threads is labelled as "nsft tw", but it also gets shoved under "Read more". Or moved to Discord, if my writing partner prefers not writing this sort of content on Tumblr.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

Yes, in the sense that I ship with chemistry. I have to feel a good connection both between the muses and between me and the other mun, otherwise it's really hard for me to get involved and attached to a ship. That considered, some basic but more or less regular OOC communication is strongly prefer, because it allows to keep the interest alive and the dynamic evolving. There's nothing worse than a relationship grown stale and static, if you ask me, because it gets boring very, very fast.

That said, some of my muses are pretty easy to engage in casual, strictly sexual relationships (even if, in that case too, there has to be sexual chemistry between them and the other muse), and I'm always happy to play long with that. Rick, AR, Stan and Blitzo are absolutely open to have fuck buddies and friends with benefits, not to mention short flings and one-night stands. On the non-sexual side, Morty and Mabel crush on people very easily, but on the other hand said feelings are usually also very superficial.

However, when it comes to actual, stable ships that involve feelings, then I tend to be selective because I need the chemistry and the communication I've mentioned before.

It's also worth to mention that some of my muses are almost unshippable, so building a ship with them is hard and requires a lot of discussing / plotting / commitment. I headcanon both Evil Morty and Jinx as ace and greyromantic, which means that they won't be attracted to others' looks and it takes a strong connection with the person for them to develop feelings for someone (and even when it happens, these feelings are going to be twisted and unhealthy and definitely not the sort of love normal people would feel, due to their traumatic pasts and upbringings). The only other muse (who's not my Evil Rick), my Evil Morty has connected so far is his timeline split counterpart [@thcpresidcnt] and it's very hard to tell what that relationship is about. Then there's Bill, whom not only I headcanon as aro-ace, but who is a dream entity with no real interest or understand for sex and romance. I'd say that he is unshippable if it wasn't for the "business marriage" turned into real partnership I'm building with him and @hvbris's Salomé. He eventually becomes pretty fond of her, but it's an attachment purely based on respect and intrigue, so nothing to do with love or sexual attraction.

All the other muses are more or less approachable, but the rule about chemistry still applies to them all, no exceptions.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

I tend to be a picky shipper even outside RPing, so I tend to have few pairings for each media to which I'm extremely attached. Aside from the pairings that I've already mentioned in the answer to the first question, there's very few other ships I like / don't mind, even if they aren't ships I spend time and efforts on.

To make a little list:

I want Morty to get a boyfriend / show interest in a male-identifying individual at some point, because no one in that family is straight and it's very obvious, but he's the only one who still hasn't shown open attraction to anyone who's not female.

I'd also love for Summer to have a not-guy love interest, because she deserves someone who can treat her well and who can keep up with her. I've seen around some art of her and Jessica and I think that they are pretty good together and could make sense as a pairing.

In my own personal canon (which I usually don't apply to RPs unless previously discussed with my writing partner), AR and Rick have known each other for a while, do business together and are also fuck buddies (no romance involved, even if AR probably has a mug that says "C-137's #1 fan" xD), so I guess that counts as a ship I like...?

I sort of like the idea of Blizo & Verosika going through a "bitter exes to having hate sex to friends with benefits" kind of arc. They hurt each other badly, but it's also obvious that they still care for each other. I don't think they could function as a healthy couple, but with some (a lot of) work they could definitely become good friends.

Millie & Verosika could make an interesting pair too. I have a soft spot for badass queens couples, sue me xD

There's probably more that I can't think of right now and I'm always open to suggestions, so don't hesitate to come to me with ideas!

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

Tendentially yes. As I said, I need chemistry between both the muses and the muns to get involved in a ship, which means that I require at least some basic communication, or I end up losing interest very quickly.

This doesn't mean that it can't happen that our muses can't grow attracted to each other through interactions, even if the ship hasn't been discussed yet. Tbh, some of the most interesting pairings I ended up writing have built themselves on their own xD However, to "seal the deal", I do require that the other mun comes to talk to me about the ship...or that I go and talk to them about it. I'm more than willing to do the first step in that sense if the chemistry between the characters is good and I can see them working well!

This goes for requited feelings. If you want your muse to crush on / be attracted to mine, you can totally go for it, no need to come and ask me about it! Unless you want to. Unrequited crushes can be really fun to play out and so is making laughing at our muses x3

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

I love shipping and I make no secret of it. If I feel that two characters have chemistry and I like them together, then I do pursue the pairing. However, I wouldn't say that I'm strictly ship obsessed.

When I read / write fanfictions, I tend to focus on shippy ones, even if the ship isn't always the focus of the plot. I like having it in the story, but I'm also more attracted by stories that also explore other things or that have a more general context. And that's what I try to give when I write a long fic (for one-shots it's different, mostly because there's not enough space to explore too many themes).

With roleplay, it's more or less the same, with the exception that, more than being "ships driven", I tend to be dynamics drive, and that includes also non-romantic relationships. I like to build relationships, of every kind and sort, and to watch mine and my partner's muses walk along the road that takes them into becoming a stable part of each other's life.

It's honestly one of my favourite parts when it comes to RPing, and that's why, whenever the other person is open to it, I create a whole verse for us, so we can keep developing our muses' shared story through multiple interactions.

So, I'm a ships lover, but I also believe that there's a lot more than shipping when it comes to writing and roleplaying.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

Fandom per fandom list? Looks like we're doing it x'D

Rick and Morty: Beth & Space Beth

Arcane: Vi & Caitlyn, Jayce & Viktor

Gravity Falls: Mabel & Pacifica

Helluva Boss: Millie & Moxxie, Blitzo & Stolas, Asmodeus & Fizzarolli

Miraculous: the love square (especially Adrien & Marinette, Cat Noir & Marinette), Alya & Nino, Rose & Juleka

There are other ships I like, but these are the main ones!

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

Come and talk to me. As simple (and complicated, because I know how nerve-wrecking it can be to approach someone, especially if you want to ask them to ship) as that. As I said, I'm selective when it comes to shipping, but I'm always open to new ideas!

This said, once again, your muse is welcome to be attracted / have a crush / falling in love with mine and act on it. Depending on the chemistry (between both muses and muns), this could either develop into something or remain one-sided. I personally like exploring unrequited love dynamics too, but I understand that it's not everyone's cup of tea!

#[ ooc :: mun scotty on comm ]#[ ooc :: blog info ]#[ ooc :: about the mun ]#[ ooc :: dash games ]#[[ this took a while x'D ]]#[[ tbh I could have written more but I chose NOT to ramble ]]#[[ especially in the part about my ship partners >.> ]]#[[ the post was already getting WAY too long xD ]]

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pulchral · 5 months

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they called him “the best in the world.”

only problem being that his job was the worst kind, the kind that you do not choose for yourself. brought into the lazarus project when he was only four years old, august walker, born ▇▇▇▇▇, was quickly introduced to what it meant to be a mutt. a project meant to give those with no possibilities at a normal life a fighting chance, sending each and every one of those who stepped through its icy cold halls towards a violent end. hitmen, informants, spies. puppets of the government, with no other choice other than to obey. this was their life, they owed it to their handlers, to their partners, to their brothers and sisters— not august, though. august was different. [ + INFO & VERSES UNDER THE CUT. ]

broad, wide-eyed, ready and capable from the very beginning. his track record showed an incredible proficiency with an almost immense variety of weapons, both melee and ranged, with an astounding score of over 500 confirmed kills on the job, with no recorded failures, as of today’s date. or, better said, as of his ex-communication. due to reasons unknown to the common public, or the organization as a whole, august walker has defected the ranks of his section within the lazarus project, leaving the premises and eliminating about a dozen loyal members of the group on his way out. he has since been flying under the radar, with his only recorded sighting being near bordeaux, france. headquarters is speculating a possible meeting with a known informant, either évariste anouilh [fka “the worm,”] or ▇▇▇▇▇ [aka “▇▇▇.”]

the former top asset of the lazarus project is, de facto, a wanted fugitive, holding an enormous amount of confidential and harmful information, both to the organization itself, and those who work for it. the rewards for his capture haven’t been disclosed, as of yet, but they’re presumed to be more than simply ludicrous— generational riches could be earned from his capture, or, better yet, his untimely demise. his escape has been ruled as treason of the highest caliber, and those who decide to follow him shall soon be met with the cold and calculating end that all traitors should endure. death.

VERSES AVAILABLE: apex legends, assassin's creed, call of duty, cyberpunk 2077, fallout, gta, hotline miami, mass effect, payday, dc / marvel, bullet train, star wars. [ AND MORE ON REQUEST! ]

#august walker.#info.#yap session numero dos #anw click on the second redacted name to find out who the real informant he's ''teaming up with'' is :]#who is also. guess who. his exclusive ship partner. wahwahweewah

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iamapoopmuffin · 1 year

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So, while I'm working on my Pokemon next gen stuff again, but still have a long way to go before everyone’s ready to be shared, let me tell you about Imelda, Harley’s daughter. As Harley dresses in outfits reminiscent of his Cacturne, he absolutely dresses his toddler in outfits equally themed off his Pokemon. He has very cute little dresses for her themed off Cacturne, Wigglytuff, Ariados, etc, all with matching shoes and accessories. She also gets cutesy nicknames from her dad, namely Immy, Melly-Moo and ones themed off said Pokemon.

Melly has inherited her father’s penchant for being sassy, dramatic and flamboyant. She has brown eyes and long wavy purple hair. She loves keychains and plushies and has big collections of them, many of course Pokemon themed.

I don’t have any Pokemon set in stone for her yet, but she would most likely favour Pokemon that are cute, powerful and flashy. Nothing boring. Extra points for how nice it feels to hug it.

#I might just share bits and pieces here and there as I go #maybe trial that out with the kids of the big ships #I can't draw so all I can give is brief written info #pokemon harley #pokemon fankids #Because I made it part of the story that all the friends and rivals had kids #because Ash's son was going to meet them all #Harley ended up having a kid and no partner #so ig we now have bitchy single dad Harley lol #Next Gen #anyway have this

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nostomannia · 1 year

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Sol having a crush just leads to a total flip in her personality. She gets much more self-conscious related to this one specific person. She gets flustered about being too close, and generally fumbles a lot more. Girl has NO clue what to do with romantic feelings

And once she realizes oh shit, im falling in love it becomes a case of she feels like she has to pull away but doesn't want to. Kind of becoming a hot and cold kind of deal until SOMEONE makes a move

#I Cut My Teeth on Secondhand Sentiments || Character info #sol has had at least two ships actually be solidified because Sol impulsively kiss her partner

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florietiae · 3 months

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𝐔𝐒𝐅.𝐖 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒. 𝐟𝐭. 𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐓 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐎𝐍.

bold. always into it.

italic. sometimes into it.

strike. not applicable or never.

inclinations/habits.

body / appearance.

sounds.

kinks.

places.

#𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 — juliet afton.#okay deleted the other list in favor of this one.#and i added a bit more info.#so ship partners that are into the spices. take notes 👀#spicy tw

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dutifulsilence · 7 months

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ooc ; also totally irrelevant, but gerudo!link is a virgin, unlike most of my Links.

#ooc ; salem speaks #irrelevant info for most but shipping partners

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cult-of-husbandos · 8 months

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yami ai [yandere] - Hot Yandere Singles Near You

synopsis: you click on a random pop-up ad and are visited by weird smiling man in suit.

genre: pure crack (like fr), fluff, tbh there's not really a plot

word count: 4.4k

warnings: implied stalking

Isn’t insomnia just the worst? Like, seriously? What’s the point of being a human being with antiquated thoughts and impressive cognitive and motor skills when your brain fights you on the most basic stuff. For example, like sleeping!!

You must’ve refreshed YouTube and Twitter over a thousand times. Over 8 billion people in the world and there’s no new content anywhere? You groaned and jumped back over onto Twitter, silently praying and pleading for something new to show up on your feed. Maybe a wacky billionaire got eaten by a mob of homeless people or maybe a news article about a Floridian doing something gross and outrageous and virtually impossible.

But nope. Nothing.

Not a single thing piqued your interest. You groaned again and looked at the time on your dimly lit phone. It was past 2 a.m. and you were bored out of your mind. You then lazily clicked on Google and sighed.

‘Maybe someone posted a new fanfic over something…’ you hoped. And even if there wasn’t a new fic uploaded you’ll just read the old ones you favorited. Perhaps reading something might put you to sleep.

As you were scrolling through your favorite ship tags, you were startled by a pop up ad covering up 90% of the screen and flashing emojis.

“Ugh… seriously?” you groaned. “They should make ad-blockers on phones for this shit.” You squinted at the bright lettering emanating from your phone even though it was at the lowest brightness setting.

⚠️(99+) Hot Yandere Singles NEAR YOU⚠️

Yandere’s…? Singles? Near me?

The pop-up ad had flashing peach, cherry, and eggplant emojis with a water splash emoji at the end to signify… well, you’re not sure what it was trying to signify. On the sides of the ad, it showed pictures of very gorgeous men and women, all striking suggestive poses. Underneath the title was a small summary that read. ‘These lonely desperate yanderes wanna meet you! They’ll most likely find you anyway, but wouldn’t you rather be the honey to a bee instead of a fly? Try it NOW for FREE!! No hookups! No catfishes! No sign ups!’ Then below that were a few empty boxes to fill out requiring your personal information.

"..."

Was this a porn ad?!

No way at 2:45 in the freaking morning did you just get a porn pop-up ad while googling mafia au fanfiction. This has to be some kind of joke. Maybe it was prank and someone was just fucking with you. And how and why would there be 99+ yanderes in your area?! You couldn’t be surrounded by that many psychos. Could you? Whatever the case may be, it was now past 2 a.m. and as the rule of life states ‘Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.’. You don’t know if it was the lack of sleep or just reckless curiosity, but you gave your shoulders a shrug and mumbled a ‘fuck it’ as you put in your information. Your name, number, gender, age, preferred sex, email, and mailing address. As you clicked submit and continued scrolling, you gave very little thought about how this would go down.

On one hand, the ad turns out to be real and you get a partner out of this. Or

You get quartered, stalked, doxxed, and murdered like the dumbass you are for putting your personal info into a sketchy porno-like pop-up on Google.

Or, it turns out to be a prank and some asshole sitting in a basement has a good laugh at you.

Meh. You’ll deal with it in the morning.

*****

You were jolted awake with the sound of rapid knocking coming from your front door. You groaned into your pillow as you tried to ignore the person desperately wanting your attention from outside your apartment. You finally got some sleep only for it to get interrupted. Only minutes and minutes of continued knocking without any signs of letting up, you decide to get up and shoo away whoever it was. You wearily grabbed your phone to check the time.

8:02 a.m.

You huffed as you stormed towards the front door.

“If this a fucking Jehova’s Witness, I swear to god…” you grumbled. You swung open the door and threw the person a harsh glare, only to be met with popping sounds as confetti flew in your face.

“Good morning, my dear darling~!! Are you ready to begin on the road to happiness and love?” the stranger shouted a far too happy tone for 8 in the morning.

You took a step back in shock, fully awake as you waved and dusted the confetti from your face and hair. You looked the strange man up and down. He was smiling ear to ear and wore an expensive looking suit to warm for the summer weather. A briefcase stood right beside him along with dozens of other party poppers and a white plastic bag filled with brown bottles with oddly enough no labels on them. You looked at the man’s face. He was surprisingly attractive and without a single flaw anywhere. His hair was jet black and shined a very prominent gloss. You were honestly kind of embarrassed to be seen by him when you looked like such a mess. The man let out a chuckle.

“Oh my.” he said, gently putting his hand over his mouth with vague concern. “I hope I didn’t startle you too much. I probably should’ve sent you an email notifying you of the time I was coming. I’m sorry that must’ve been a troubling awakening.”

You quirked your eyebrow and took another step back, grabbing onto the doorknob so that you could slam it right in his face if things got too weird.

“And… you are?”

“Oh my, oh my. Where are my manners? How careless of me to assume.” The man bowed with a curtsy. “I am the ‘Matchmaker’. My job is to pair two people with their fated soulmate and give each of my clients their happily ever after. It’s very nice to meet you, (Y/N) (L/N).”

You felt a chill crawl down your spine. How’d this weirdo know your name?! You tried to close the door as fast as you could, but the ‘Matchmaker’ was even faster. He clicked his tongue at you, his smile unchanging, but his eyes seemed to harden his gentle tone.

“My, how rude. Is that any way to treat a guest?” He let out another chuckle. “You’ll never find love that way.”

“H-How did you know my name?” you stuttered.

Again, another chuckle. What was so funny? “My dear~. You gave it to me.”

What the hell was he talking about? How could you have given this creep your name? Was he a stalker? A junkie? Noticing the confusion on your face, the man spoke up again.

“Oh my dear. Do you really not remember?” he asked, tilting his head in feign innocence. “You filled out an ad to meet singles in your area. And here I am, coming to fulfill that ad.”

You eased up on the tension you had on the door and tilted your head in surprised confusion. “That was a real ad?”

The man stood up tall and smiled earnestly again. “Of course. However, you are the first person to actually fill out that ad. Really, this is more of a celebration to both of us.”

Huh, so the pop-up ad was real.

Not a prank.

And now there’s a psycho standing at your front door promising you a partner from an actual yandere.

“I honestly thought it was a prank. I mean… yanderes? Isn’t that just an anime thing?”

“Oh, I assure you my darling.” he said with a snide smirk. “Yanderes are real. And when they heard about signing up, it was like tossing chicken in a sea of alligators. All clamoring to be the first person to take a bite.”

Okay, gross but kind of sweet.

“May I come in?”

“Huh?”

“Well, my dear. It would be easier to come in and talk through the process of how this goes instead of standing here.”

“Oh, um… Suuuree-”

“Great! My my darling~. What a lovely home. Very well decorated.” The man quickly strided into your house and made himself comfortable in your living room, looking as if he was analyzing every detail about your house.

Richard Chase would’ve loved your dumbass.

You shut the door and followed him into your own apartment and offered him a seat on your couch. Might as well, right? You’ve gone this far and you're still alive.

“Umm…” you hesitantly shifted from one foot to another. “Do you… um… want some coffee maybe? Or tea? Maybe a glass of water? If you haven;t eaten breakfast yet, I whip you up something.”

Yeah, sure. Feed the man with only a title for a name and waltzed right into your house after showing up after you put in your personal information into a random pop-up ad at 3 a.m. promising you a happy life with hot single yanderes in your area. You are the pinnacle of human genius. The apex of natural selection. The creme de la creme of common sense. Charles Darwin would be so impressed.

“How thoughtful. Just coffee would be fine. Thank you.”

After brewing a quick pot, you sat across from the man facing him heads on and gently slid him his steaming cup. After a while of taking little sips in weird silence, he spoke up again.

“Before we continue, I’d just like to say: Thank you so much for applying for this wonderful opportunity!! Not many people would click on an ad requiring doxxing information to meet their soulmates! Again, congrats on being our number one willing client!”

“Willing client?” you asked.

“Well, of course! For some reason, humans seem to really love the idea of a yandere until there’s one standing on their front porch!” he laughed.

“Humans? I’m sorry. Are you not human, Mr…?”

“Ah ah! No need for formalities! Just ‘The Matchmaker’ or simply ‘Matchmaker’.

“Oh, so… you don’t have a true name? Or is that just a title?”

“Oh darling~.” he sang sweetly. “That’s none of anyone’s fucking business, is it?”

Your eyes widened and let out a nervous chuckle. “Okay, got it! Just Matchmaker. Lovely name. Adore it. In fact, I love when strange mysterious men only give a title for a name.” What the hell does that even mean? You had no idea what you were saying anymore.

“Heh, smart cookie.” He winked. “Shall we begin?”

“Um, yeah, so… how does this work exactly?” you finally asked.

“Simple, my dear darling. Think of this as an ordinary matchmaking appointment. I have a stack of potential soulmates all ready to meet you. I have the same information about them that I also have of you. Each potential soulmate also has a picture so if you don’t really feel up to meeting face-to-face just yet you can look over the picture and see who captures your heart.”

“Face-to-face? So these guys have my picture too?” “Of course! And might I say, those pictures don’t do you justice. In all my years in this business, I’ve never seen such an obsession and overload of potential soulmates for just one person.”

You lightly blushed. “I-I don’t know about that… I barely got any sleep last night so I probably look like a zombie right now…”

“Au contraire, Darling. You look absolutely stunning. If I weren’t such a professional I would burn all these forms and claim you as my one and only~.”

You felt your entire face flush red as the Matchmaker pierced your soul with his longing gaze. It felt like he was staring into your very essence – like he could read you like a book. You nervously cleared your throat and shifted your eyes away, hoping to bring down your blush.

“S-So! Um… should we get started?” you stuttered, internally kicking yourself for being so easily flustered by a couple of smooth words. Ted Bundy would’ve had a field day with your dumbass.

“Ready whenever you are, my dear.” The Matchmaker set his briefcase on your coffee table and pulled out a single form and slid it over towards you. “Let’s start off with an easy one.”

You looked at the form along with the picture of a very attractive man paperclipped to the paper. According to the form, his name is Hamazawa Akita. He was in his early 20’s, had a varying array of hobbies from hiking to scuba diving, and was very much in love with you.

“Well, what do you think?”

“Hm, well, he’s very cute. And very active.”

“Would you like to meet him?”

“Um, sure… is there a number I could call or…?”

“No need! We can bring him in right now.” The Matchmaker snapped his fingers and you whipped your head towards the front door where Akita strolled in, all smiles. You looked back over the Matchmaker. “Did I not lock my door? Wait. More importantly, how’d he get here?!”

The Matchmaker smiled. “My dear, when you’re in this business you pick up a few tricks.” He then turned his attention towards Akita who now stood in the middle of the living room. “No. 1 would you like to introduce yourself?”

Akita stood tall and his eyes seemed to beam directly at you. “My name is Hamazawa Akita. Ever since I saw your picture I’ve dreamed about sweeping you off your feet and claiming you all to myself!”

“So, like 8 hours ago?”

“Yes!! But those hours feel like years when being away from you.”

“Hmm.”

“So, what do you think? Are you feeling the butterflies?”

You looked up Akita up and down and your face twisted as if you’re deciding on whether or not to buy a car or a piece of clothing.

“Um, to be honest my guy. I’m not feeling it.”

“Huh?”

“Excuse me, my darling?”

“Weeeelllll…. I mean, don’t get me wrong! You’re very attractive and your words are sweet, but I don’t think I believe any of it. Like, you just admitted to wanting me all to yourself only 8 hours ago, but I don’t really feel anything. Not even a shiver.”

The Matchmaker and Akita both looked at each other like they weren’t really expecting that. With a quick wave of his hand, Akita slumped his shoulders and headed towards your front door. You shouted out an apology as the dejected suitor walked out.

“Well, I didn’t expect that. I don’t normally get such competent clients. At least those that get past kicking and screaming.” The Matchmaker grinned. You shrugged.

“I guess I just know what I like. All the anime I’ve watched kind of gives you that high standard of what makes a yandere a real yandere, y’know?”

He nodded. “I cannot agree more. Well, we have plenty more where that came from. Shall we continue?”

*****

Papers were strewn across your coffee table in an unorganized fashion as both you and your estranged guest were tired beyond belief. You had no idea how many hours had passed nor how many guests were in and out of your apartment. You’re honestly surprised none of your neighbors complained or called the police. Your apartment would’ve looked like a clown car if anyone had been watching from the outside. You honestly lost count after No. 256. You let out another yawn and laid on your side trying your best to keep your eyes open. Maybe 2 hours of sleep wasn’t enough for the multiple interviews you had to conduct today. Maybe your 9th grade biology teacher was right. Maybe you are going to die alone. A weary sigh brought you from your thoughts.

“My, my. You are definitely the most high standard client I’ve ever had. I didn’t think we’d get to the triple digits in just one day.”

You also sighed and sat up in your seat. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just… All these guys are cute and all, but they’re all lacking something. They’re either too forceful or not forceful enough. Too wimpy or too strong. Or too obsessed or just incredibly so lovesick that I feel like they’d fall in love with just about anyone who’d be willing. Ugh, why can’t this be simpler like adopting an animal?” You groaned. You also hadn’t thought this would take this long. You didn’t really think of yourself as having high standards until today. Until today, you’d be happy with anyone close to you in age and with a heartbeat. Who knew picking out a yandere soulmate would be so challenging. And who knew that there’d be so many willing participants! The Matchmaker reached into his briefcase and pulled another stack of forms and slid them over to you. There must be at least over a hundred papers in front of you. How did he have so many?!

“How about we switch things up, hm? You’ll look over the papers and when you see someone that catches your eye, I’ll bring him in.” He made it sound like you were adopting a dog or a cat. But if this made it go any faster, you were willing to try.

After about 3 more stacks of papers, you were starting to lose hope and patience. When you got to the last few papers, you stopped dead in your tracks. Woah baby!

“Woah baby!” you exclaimed.

“Did you find someone you like?” The Matchmaker asked hopefully.

“Oh yeah. This guy.” You showed him the paper. He furrowed his brows a little.

“Are you sure? I don’t think I remember this man. His name and face don’t seem familiar.”

“Really? Maybe he’s a late entry or something?”

Matchmaker stroked his chin in thought. “I’ll go check it out. Be right back, dear. I’m very sorry for this inconvenience.”

You waved off his apology with a smile and he left your apartment. You then leaned back with a groan. You just wanted to find your ‘soulmate’ or whatever and move on with this day. You closed your eyes for a second and waited patiently for Matchmaker to come back.

Tap tap tap

Just like deja vu, you were awoken by rapid knocking. Except this time it wasn’t coming from your front door.

Tap tap tap tap

It sounds like it’s coming from… your window?

Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap

You quickly got up and walked towards your window and opened it.

“Woah!” You jumped back a little as you were met face to face with the man that you had picked out and that the Matchmaker went to go find.

‘Wow… he’s even cuter in person!!’

He let out a delicious chuckle and gave you a charming smile.

“I didn’t mean to scare you, darling~. Hehe, though I think that fear in your eyes was worth it. So adorable~.” For the second time today, a complete weirdo stranger has made you blush. Wait…

“Wait! I don’t have a balcony and I’m on the third floor. How’d you-?” You peeked over the window to see if he was pulling a Criss Angel.

“I have incredible grip strength~.” he winked.

“Oooh I’m sure~.” you swooned. For a weirdo, he was a smooth talking weirdo.

“Oh, I got these for you, sweetheart~.” He pulled himself up and sat on your windowsill and pulled out a bouquet of roughly cut flowers from behind him. You gasped and grabbed them, giving them a smell.

“These are my favorite!! How did you know? I don’t think that was one of the pieces of info required for the Matchmaker.” you asked.

The stranger chuckled. “Easy. I never filled out that stupid application.”

You looked up from your flowers and titled your head like a confused puppy.

“I already know everything about you. I don’t need a stupid piece of paper to tell me what I already know about you. Like, how I know that you have secret sweets hidden all throughout your room. Or that whenever you have a good day you love to sing Stray Kids.”

He inched closer to you as you backed up further into the room.

“You won’t eat frozen pizza, but every so often you eat a lobster roll from a food truck from Gary on Main St.. You have life destroying evidence of your boss that you’re planning on using on your last day. You’ve seen the Barbie movie 5 times. And…”

You felt your legs hit the couch and tried to keep yourself from falling onto your back like a defenseless turtle.

“Your favorite anime is… Dar-” You quickly covered the stranger’s mouth with a furious blush.

“I only watch it ironically!! I don’t love it! It’s not my favorite!” you quickly clarified. The gravity of the situation was made perfectly clear after that. This man really knew all about you. Honestly, you’re so loud that you’re pretty sure that people on the ground outside could hear you singing. And you don’t really pay attention to your surroundings so it's easy for someone to know that you eat from a food truck every other week at specific times. But, knowing your favorite secretly watched anime?

“W-Who… are you?” you stuttered. You’re pretty sure you already knew the answer.

He laughed and you felt his lips brush against your fingers. You blushed and tried to pull back, only to be stopped by his hands.

“Sweetie~. You already know who I am.” He grabbed the paper from the stack and put it next to his face. “See? I’m Yami Ai. Your soulmate.”

Before you could even process what was happening, you were gently pushed onto the couch with Yami hovering over you holding your hands beside your head. You couldn’t stop the blush erupting from your neck to your face. Your heart was beating way too fast and your stomach felt jumpy and queasy. Butterflies.

You cleared your throat. “Um… so, if you didn’t fill out a form then how come The Matchmaker had your profile and picture? And why didn’t you use the front door?”

Yami smirked and leaned in closer. “It’s pretty simple to pull off when your apartment does security checks on new guests entering the building.”

“But, my apartment doesn’t–” you stopped. “Ooooh… So you impersonated a security guard, slipped your profile and info into his briefcase, and were planning on showing up as one of the potential singles? That’s… convoluted. But, smart.” You shrugged. “And since you obviously knew which floor I was on and which window was mine, I assume you’ve been watching me for a while and were watching me last night when I couldn’t sleep?”

Yami laughed again. “You are so smart~. You really catch on quickly, don’t you?”

You shrugged again with a nervous smile. “W-Well, obviously not smart enough to not put in my personal info and have strange men come in and out of my apartment.”

Yami was quick to turn his gentle smile into a hard, harsh frown. His grip on your wrists grew tighter and you winced under the force he placed in you.

“You know, my darling. It’s partially my fault. If I hadn’t backed out and taken you that night, you’d never be in this situation. With those men eyeing you up and down like you were theirs. Having that smiling freak calling you ‘dear’ and ‘darling’ when only I can call you that. I was planning on getting rid of the competition, but you did that for me.”

Yami loosened his grip and lifted you up, staring into your eyes. You blushed again.

“Rejection after rejection. Some guys didn’t even get 2 words out before you turned away. Of course my darling would only want the most perfect man. Isn’t that right, darling~?”

“Hehehe~” you leaned in with a giggle. “You’re so sweet~.”

You are such a baby for flattery.

*****

“My dear darling, I’m so very sorry for the inconvenience. I didn’t mean to be gone for so long, but I could not find this person you–” Matchmaker explained, rushing in and stopping dead in his tracks when he saw both you and Yami, the man who left 30 minutes ago to go find, eating breakfast in the living room.

Sitting in his lap.

And feeding each other.

“Oh! Matchmaker!” you exclaimed, quickly swallowing your food. You didn’t notice Yami tightening his grip on your waist nor did you notice the cold glare and tense atmosphere enveloping the room. “Look who I found~.”

“I see…” he said hesitantly.

“He climbed up the building and came in through the window.”

“My~. How romantic~.” he sang. “So, I take it that you are satisfied with your soulmate? Or… do you wish to continue searching?” he asked teasingly. Before Yami could say anything, you quickly spoke again.

“Yep! I’m sure.” You ruffled Yami’s hair and nuzzled up against him. “I wouldn’t trade him for anyone else.” Yami hugged you closer to his chest as you giggled. “Plus, he makes the most amazing breakfast in the world, so extra points!” you cheered. You reached out towards the Matchmaker’s briefcase.

“Here you go! I put all the papers back in for you.”

Matchmaker quickly walked over and grabbed his briefcase along with your hand. “Well, my dear. It’s been an honor. You are truly the most remarkable and memorable client I have ever had.” he said with a bow and made his way towards the door. However, before leaving he chuckled and looked back at the both of you. “Although, it’s a shame,” he sighed. “Maybe if I had stayed, I would’ve snatched you up myself.”

And with a final loud laugh, The Matchmaker disappeared, but not before Yami stood up to lounge and attack the fleeting man like a guard dog. You snorted and caressed his face to calm him down. “Relax, Yami. He’s just joking.”

“Well, I hated his joke. Fuckin’ freak…” he grumbled. “And it’s Ai. You’re mine now. You should get used to calling each other by our first names.”

You smiled and leaned against him. “Okay, Ai. Whatever you say.”

“And if a man comes to the door, never EVER answer it, got it!”

“Mhm.”

“I’m serious, darling. I’ll gouge their eyes out right in front of you.”

“Yes sir.”

The rest of your life was going to be very interesting. Suck it, Ms. Braxton. I guess you’re the one dying alone. Because you have a yandere boyfriend! And she has gonorrhea. Bitch.

---

a/n: this is so shit. i'm so sorry that i've been MIA for a while. work has been pretty crazy and i haven't really felt much motivated to write. however, i'm trying to get back into it now. with this goofy shit. kind of a joke piece, but i needed to write something silly and not serious at all to relax. (also i've been writing since 4 a.m., so...) anyways, i'm going to try and update regulary or at least post something.

Here's my YouTube. I make anime playlists.

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