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inkskinned · 10 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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chroniccoolness · 5 months

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genuinely a lot of you need to sit the fuck down and think about whether you actually support transfeminine people or you're just chasers. cause a lot of this site's support seems to be "uwu fuck me big strong dommy mommy" "I want a sexy trans goth gf so bad" etc etc and it's so gross. like i dont think attraction the inherent problem here or anything but when every single post asking "do you actually support trans women/transfeminine ppl?" has some chucklefuck in the notes going "haha yeah, I support her ON TOP OF ME!" it gets really obvious that you do not actually know how to support them without sexualizing them. and that's. really incredibly not okay.

#transmisogyny #transmisogyny tw #where's that post that's like 'do you support her if she's a solid 3' I want to rb it again #and the one that's like 'how do the asexual trans girls feel' that's a good post abt it too #but i can't remember which blog I rbed it to :/

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anna-scribbles · 7 months

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last one i promise(<—lie)

#let’s as a society think more about why adrien wanted to go to school #and what. perhaps. he thought school was #i think the way chloe describes it she really is just a beautiful rich girl with too much time on her hands #and no one at school is treating her accordingly.#abby got so mad at me today because she thinks it’s too cringe that i keep taking about adrien liking ohshc #which is like. how are you gonna know me my whole life and then be disappointed when i’m cringe.#i’ve never hidden who i am. it’s cringe all the way down #anyway #ml #my art #miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #chloe bourgeois #ohshc #wait i am gonna tag this thirteen actually. just go with me #thirteen

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chloesimaginationthings · 26 days

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FNAF Roxy and Vanny have some girl time,,

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araneapeixes · 4 months

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Uh Oh....the ladies have entered their 4th pint stage

#GUYS HELPP ive been looking at this too long i cant tell anymore if its even good #as usual i kinda like the sketch better ripppppp but it was nice to finish something #anyways my previous point still stands: whoever wins does get to fuck shadowheart in the bathroom #some details i want ppl to notice: lae'zels dogtags and army pants #karlachs cigarette pack sleeve. bc shes a handsome guy:)#also astarions cunty earring anddd i replaced shaddys hair accessory with a punky spikey one #and ummm my Tav is wearing a rainbow bracelet:) bc theyre gay #bg3 #bg3 fanart #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #wyll ravengard #bg3 wyll #lae'zel #karlach #karlach cliffgate #shadowheart #bg3 tav #ren #tadfools #the tadfools #i rly think i fucked up laezels face shape but by the time i realised it was too late #wow mayb ill use a ref next time?? whaaaat??

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gumdefense · 7 months

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We have moved past Maya and Franziska wingmanning narumitsu as a society. They would not fucking do that. We need to realise the truth which is that Larry and Gumshoe would try to wingman them and only succeed through failure

#ace attorney #narumitsu #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #maya fey #franziska von karma #dick gumshoe #larry butz #general my post tag #i do think maya would endlessly tease poor phoenix about it based on how she acted in 3-5 about iris #but she didn’t do anything to set them up she just made fun of phoenix #franziska would sooner choose death and run to another country herself than get anywhere near whatever’s going on between the two #larry however.#larry would be way too invested #once he actually realises his best friends are into each other he would never drop it #gumshoe wants to make edgeworth happy any way possible #and based on the “wright wright wright” scene #and that one moment in the anime where he cries bc the two were working together even countries apart during the train bomb case #i think he’d be very invested too #also a Larry and Gumshoe wingman duo would be absolutely disastrous. and hilarious #do you see my vision

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theoldkyokodied · 1 year

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One wedding and three funerals

Background paintings under the cut

#tomgreg #succession #tom wambsgans #greg hirsch #shiv roy #roman roy #kendall roy #yeah no im not tagging everyone thats too much #this is me going 'how much implications themes and symbolism can i fit in one painting'#yes i gave rose shivs haircolor. if we ever find out how she looks like and its not like this im just gonna pass away i guess #but yeah i hope yall connect the dots #i put waaay too much thought and work into this. i was googling pictures of all the actors as kids just for reference (sigh)#honestly kinda wanted to make tom and greg link pinkies as like. a pinkie promise. but that was too hard to draw in this angle #at least not without obstructing the view of the ring which is important to see so ya #my fave is actually the tomshiv wedding pic i went off with that. i love them... they should have run away to become sheep farmers fr fr #anyway im so glad im done with this UGH!! finally i can draw smth else without being like oh noooo i need to finish this #i see a lot of you wondering why there is no portrait of logan but one of ewan #it's bc the placement of the painting represent their standing. logans portray would not hang next to the stairs #his present portrait hangs at the end of it. all the way up at the top. alone and withering away #basically the picture you see underneath ewan to the right? its where toms parents would be. the right side of the wall is tom and gregs #and the left one is the roy siblings theirs. since they grew up rich rich. and tom and greg didn't #but ya thats why ewan hangs here and logan does not :)

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hanabeeri · 1 year

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on todays episode: did i become curvier or have i not looked at myself in the mirror for a long time

my sister tried to talk me into becoming a professor. nooooo my soul would die. and besides i dont want to spend all my life in a closed room doing research :( i want to go out there and help people. im not doing things for money, but out of compassion.

my sisters husband just came to talk too skskskkdjfj is my family playing "who can get the most information out of nas" or what's going on

#20230410 #my sister saw me give our older sister a case for her tablet #she wants one too #my private untaxed free business is on a roll

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girlboyburger · 2 months

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i heard you folks might like fluttershy? 🦋

#she's big <3 #i am redesigning my mane six designs Again bc id like to make mini comics of em when ive got the time #no it doesnt say anything about me that i draw both my ponysona and fluttershy as yellow pegasi with wings too small to fly and bodies #too big for their deamenor that live in cottages and speak softly #what are you talking about #my art #fluttershy #flutter shy #mlp #my little pony #friendship is magic #redesign #i GUESS if u wanted to call her a kinsona i wouldnt stop you..........#pony #horse #doodle #sketch #i like to imagine the only pony close to her height in ponyville is big mac...twilight doesnt count cause shes got that freak alicorn growth #going on. speaking of. twilight will prolly be the next design bc shes the one im the most dissastified with from my last batch

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illusioncanthurtme--art · 2 months

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She got em 😔

This is very old. But life has been repeatedly kicking me while I'm down, and I want to share something because sharing these stupid drawings and seeing how people react brings me some joy :')

I'll admit I did plan on finishing this at some point, but it's gotten too old to the point where... it's just too old. I don't want to touch it.

Also YES dib is catfishing zim 1000000000000%

#I scanned more old zadr stuff tonight but it's too late to edit it all #so hopefully I'll share that tomorrow #zadr #invader zim #invader zim fanart #iz fanart #dib membrane #zim #gaz membrane #she is so disappointed in him but she puts up with him anyway #dib looks really bad in the first one #that's part of what I wanted to change when I finished this #but I like I said #its too old

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umblrspectrum · 2 months

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hi heres art so you pay attention to me now go read the tags

#ive been rewatching episode 7 like its the only thing on youtube and made note of many things #first off. the solver can only have one host. nori mentions skyn wants to kill off all the other solver hosts (with the dds) and disregards #the idea of both uzi and doll being its current host when they get chased #plus the main solver possessions only occur when skyn is out of the picture (the fightt in ep 7 is only after n decapitates “tessa”)#solver uzi is possible too but i dont count her cause she doesn't have the yellow #personal theory is that its more an instinctual response to overheating or something and not full on possession #second off nori calls the solver cyn. how does she know that name #cyn was on earth and only showed up to copper 9 recently and i presume nori's been here her whole life #it probably wasn't the other dds cause none of them made it down and they're all more savage beasts #since cyn specifies n's team retained their personalities and that makes me think the other teams didnt #also also we should've immediately questioned tessa arriving in the same type of pod as the mds when they were revealed to not be sent by j #im running out of characters also the people who dont like when i use tags like this can bite me #murder drones #murder drones nori #artori? that sounds cool #ill probably just stick with nori though #i have so many solver heart refs now #art #episode 7 #murder drones episode 7 #murder drones episode 7 spoilers #using the same black for shadows as my lineart doesn't work when i have to draw thin things over it #murder drones spoilers

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inkskinned · 1 year

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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

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rosekasa · 6 months

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i think what i adore about ladynoir beyond high school age (18 and over) is the opportunity it leaves for some of the most DELICIOUS best friends to lovers scenarios. because, like, two people who've been fighting side by side for years? who've known each other long enough to make jokes about it, haha remember when we were fourteen and you-- we AGREED to never speak of it!!!! who've spent so long learning each other inside out, even, in chat noir's case, getting over feelings, that the idea of anything romantic between them is so far off the radar that they don't feel the need for certain boundaries, because why would it matter if they made jokes about how attractive they find each other, about getting married, about how they could totally mess with the rest of the miracle team by pretending they're hooking up because it's so far out of the realm of possibility.

but then there would be that imperceptible shift. the moment where one of them makes a joke and it feels just a bit more loaded than it should. gazes lingering where they never lingered and playful smiles turning curious. the sudden awareness that, while maybe they were cuddling on a rooftop with their best friend, they were also wrapped up in the arms of someone they trust with their lives, and is extremely attractive, and, wait, if the only reason it was platonic before was because there were no feelings, what does THIS mean?

THE TENSION. THE PINING. THE INHERENT MESS OF BEING IN YOUR TWENTIES. PLEASEEEE

#as i go through more things in life i ache for ladynoir to experience it too #i want them to be at a grocery store and for him to reach out to tickle her and she turns around and makes a joke but their gazes linger way #too knowingly #i want them to sit down and have a 'okay like this is so tmi but isnt the concept of sex so weird??' conversation #i want them to joke about starting a podcast together #make impulsive amazon purchases that make no sense #find a song that one of them hate and then continuously play it on loop #compare spotify profiles and one of them steals the other's login to sabotage their spotify wrapped for the year #do you know i am so normal about ladynoir #♡alizeh talks♡#tagged:ladynoir

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hychlorions · 2 months

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