#she should lose her shit more often imo

[joowee-feftynn]

badeline :]

#i wuv her #she should lose her shit more often imo #celeste #celeste game #badeline #badeline celeste #fanart #digital art #doodles #joowee's art galore

[compassionatereminders]

So I had a discussion with my dad a couple days ago about how some of my behaviors reflect symptoms of complex PTSD. For context, my dad has been extremely verbally abusive to me basically until COVID when my mom was home all the time and he couldn’t yell at me without her telling him to cut that shit out. He still loses his cool sometimes, either directed at me, my brother, or my mom. My mom had an incredibly traumatic (in many ways but primarily physically) childhood. She does not do this.

I hypothesized that I must have inherited these C-PTSD adjacent behaviors from my mom because I haven’t experienced trauma. I said this in part to gauge whether my dad would recognize that I have been through traumatic things — not even necessarily because of him, some of it is from being severely bullied and ostracized at school because I’m autistic. He agreed with my lie that I hadn’t ever experienced anything traumatic, and then started to complain about my mom being “overprotective” of me as a child. At some point I managed to bring up that I had gone through a lot of stuff in my childhood that’s scarred me for life, and he pretty much went “well yeah but you weren’t physically abused so you haven’t experienced trauma.” Which…no. Not how that works.

I moved on from that but my dad kept saying “this is such a productive conversation why don’t I have these kinds of conversations with you more often.” He at one point said something that made me tell him, “I’m not qualified to talk about this, you need a therapist or someone with a degree in psychology.” This made him go “nooooo why are you making this conversation go sideways why are you making this difficult we were having a PRODUCTIVE conversation why would you ruin it like this :(((( I can’t talk to you about anything”, which is not an uncommon response for him to have but just very annoying.

The worst part, though, and what I primarily wanted to tell you about, was when I confronted him about him, during a fight in January, yelling at my mom that she was just like her abuser. I’d asked my mom if she was okay with him saying that and she told me “oh he says that a lot but when he does he’s always drunk so I don’t let it get to me.” My dad justified his actions by informing me that, quote, “your mom was actually being really mean to me when I said that.” I couldn’t tell if he was joking or being serious and something about that made me so sad I started to cry. He didn’t respond well to that. Previously he’d complained about my mom “freaking out whenever I raise my voice at her,” which, yeah! She was verbally abused as a child! I told my mom about this later and she was like “well he says things like that sometimes, try not to pay attention to them.” I had talked with my mom’s best friend about incidents like this previously and she’d mentioned that my mom has a really high tolerance for emotional abuse and basically any kind of abuse that isn’t physical.

And I just think that’s so sad. I wish my dad would not be…like that. He’s a walking collection of red flags and I want better for my mom. I can’t put my feelings about this shit into words other than “it’s sad.” Because it is sad and I think my dad really has to do some self reflection but I’m not helping with that shit. He has to work through his issues by himself because I am not a licensed therapist. I’m literally a teenager. I shouldn’t have to be dealing with this stuff and it’s frustrating to be around my father most of the time. I think it’s very sad for him too because he’s fucked up his relationship with me specifically so so so bad. Your kid should feel safe around you, but I can’t feel safe around my dad. And that’s just sad.

Anyway sorry I had to tell someone about the “she was actually being really mean to me before I screamed at her and compared her to her abuser” comment because what the fuck. That’s a wild ass thing to say right? Like, there’s no justifying that. The justification made it so much worse imo.

His behavior towards you and your mom is unacceptable and unfair, and I'm sorry you've had to grow up in such an environment. That being said, attempting to have a constructive conversation about abuse and trauma with a long term abuser is rarely particularly productive, and you might get further by avoiding direct confrontations with him when that's possible than by actively trying to confront him with his abuse. At least until you can get out of there ❤️

#chat with kat #trauma tw #abuse tw #emotional abuse tw #invalidation tw #alcohol tw #coronavirus tw #abuse denial tw

[vacantgodling]

Hey! Heard it's Hya's birthday month. Wanna answer some for Hya?

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

it is!!! birthday boyyyy <3 thank you so much for asking!

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

all of the nobility in paramour actually have plant-based names. my thought process as i was digging deeper into the worldbuilding of paramour (and the country of galere in general) is that, because galere is a heavily steampunk inspired society, that i should add elements of nature via the naming conventions of the people. however, these plant names only extend to those of noble birth (which makes hya's name interesting as he's a bastard; its something that i would get into the weeds about more in any au where hya has further connection to the slums, but in canon, clematis gunn-his shit father-was the one who named him, as he used the promise of fully adopting hya and treating him well and accepting him as a 'legitimate son' as a bargining chip for hya's mother to continue seeing him until she said 'fuck all that noise' and dipped). i should mention as well that these are the scientific names of plants, to give their names a bit more of an interesting edge. its more interesting, imo, to name a character something like 'helianthus' instead of 'sunflower' y'know? (which is the actual name of lavendula's husband btw lmao). i also kind of take whatever part of the scientific name that sounds best as a name, but ik what i'm referring to lmao.

more specifically, i chose the specific plant names for hya and his siblings and their immediate family based on the language of flowers, and relating them to their character. to break it down, i'll give you the general gist of all the main cast that i really thought about lol:

hyacinthus -> hyacinths (obviously) -> one of the reasons i have him wear and allude to gold so often is that i want to draw back to yellow hyacinths specifically with his character. the meaning of yellow hyacinths is jealousy.

tagetes -> marigolds -> grief & jealousy lol

iberis -> candytufts -> indifference

narcissus -> daffodil -> unequalled love; but i did partly name her for the myth surrounding narcissus in general, because much of her story is actually centered around learning to love herself in a healthy way

lavendula -> lavender -> distrust

aloe -> surprisingly, actually the scientific name for aloe as well lmao -> affection, but also grief

helianthus -> sunflowers however i had helianthus as a character be a tall, imposinf figure because tall sunflowers -> mean haughtiness

belladonna -> belledonnas; i basically used the same name like aloe but for her i changed the spelling so it flowed better -> obvs nightshades, but also it means silence.

not everyone is named with THAT much thought, but i did specifically want all the gunn siblings to have names that really related to their arcs and their personalities lmao.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

if i'm not allowed to say everything (which, literally everything hya is built to be a man i lose my shit about), then i think honestly it's his unwavering, stubborn obtuseness, and the fact that it still somehow gets people to care about him. in many ways, hya is the "self" that i feel on the inside, and a lot of the bad habits and whims that i perhaps wish i could act on (some days), but i think i love the fact that he can be unashamedly unapologetic about being himself, not acknowledge his feelings and yet people still fight for him and his affections. yes, amon does--but so does aloe, so does lavendula who admires him, so does tagetes in their weird sort of way, etc etc. he is a man who is unmoved and shapes the world around him, but he doesn't have to change himself, even in his worst of habits, to gain love and respect. i wish i could be like that in a number of ways. so, i guess what i like the most about him is wish fulfilment? indulgence? something like that

#s: paramour

[kyogre-blue]

...okay, so Ei DID, in fact, know about the war and the Fatui pulling the strings and people dying, she just doesn't give a shit. But inmediately after she tries to argue that she's going gung-ho "eternity!" for her people. Like...what. I don't know if this was supposed to salvage Ei but imo they just drove the final nail in the coffin.

Her reasoning for not giving a shit over the war doesn't even hold water! It's not like the rebels are wiping each other out, they're facing against YOUR ARMY! Sara is outraged because soldiers have died in that war. The shogunate soldiers aren't even dying for *their* ambitions, they're dying for YOURS!! (I wish I could have seen Sara rip her a new one over this actually, the same way she ripped into the NPC, does she really just go back to fawning, argh)

But nooooo, the TRUE tragedy isn't any of that, the important part is how lonely she was in her SELF-IMPOSED isolation!! Boohoo, isn't it sad? Well no! There's people dying out there! Ei could musou no hitodachi the resistance in 5 secs and save everyone the trouble (given that the writers EXPLICITLY made it a joke) it's not like they don't know where they're based. There's only a war because she's LETTING IT.

...actually, the problem there might be that the writers don't get that win or lose, during war a battle never ends without deaths on both sides...

In the end I'm left feeling like they skimmed through and butchered a story that could have been very interesting. I wish I knew how to write war and politics to make the resistance stand a chance and the kamisatos maneuver around the other comissions and sakoku wreck trade and tourism...

:) It's pretty obvious why Sara has to be knocked unconscious off screen and we never see her confront either Raiden. Because that's a confrontation that would require actual character writing and acknowledging some very uncomfortable gray areas. And we can't have that in Genshin.

I will note here the position of Ei's defenders. What she says is that she knew about the Vision Hunt Decree and ONLY that. From what I was able to find, no one ever mentions the war or Sakoku during the final stretch.

Ei: Indulge my curiosity. What is the reason that I find you standing here before me once again?

Ei: Do you hope your foolhardiness will shelter those people? Or… was it simply a means of seeking an audience with me?

Traveler: The Fatui have deceived the Raiden Shogun. The Vision Hunt Decree should never have existed.

Ei: Oh? Surely you didn't rouse me from my state of eternal meditation only to tell me this?

Ei: If so, then you underestimate me. I am quite well-informed about the Vision Hunt Decree.

Traveler: You know everything that's going on outside?

Ei: Not so. Only everything that pertains to eternity.

Ei: The Vision Hunt Decree has my tacit approval.

Ei: The Fatui's actions thus far do not constitute a threat to eternity, otherwise… they would have been purged long ago.

Traveler: But the Vision Hunt Decree is damaging. It comes at a great cost to the people of Inazuma.

Ei: Individual ambition is inherently incompatible with eternity.

Ei: What you might not realize is that all too often… people have far more to lose by chasing their dreams.

Ei: Consider this — no one will lose their life on account of having their Vision taken away…

Ei: Rather, those who have lost their lives are the ones who insisted on pursuing their own aspirations, are they not?

Traveler: Teppei…

It's almost funny to pick Inazuma apart because it's so self-contradictory. Like, the writers were aware that they were writing nonsense, but they had to barrel onward to the predetermined conclusion (waifu Ei).

In Act 1, Ayaka directly acknowledges that the Vision Hunt is a lesser issue that affects very few people. It's not the cause of the war or the reason why most people in Inazuma are suffering. Inazuma has a myriad issues, including but not limited to corruption, economic struggle due to Sakoku, Watatsumi's long history of negative relations with Narukami... They've straight up had multiple wars and rebellions before this, unlike Liyue and Mond. But since those things are complicated and something Ei is, franky, too stupid to give any answer to, they gotta refocus on Visions. It's all about Visions now.

(Note the charming bit of victim blaming the ruler of the entire goddamn nation, an actual all-powerful tyrant, adds here.)

And, god, you're right. I was buttonmashing this part when I played it because I was So Tired, but the last argument Yae uses against Ei, the one that convinces her, is that Ei is just so sad and lonely like this.

Ei: Never-changing eternity is the promise I made to my people.

Yae Miko: But what your people need from you is not your promises. They want your attention… your divine gaze.

Ei: …You mean Visions?

Ei: Humans have a lifespan of barely a hundred years. They cannot afford to bear any extra losses.

Ei: But I have experienced it all. That is why I have chosen to guide them along the correct path toward eternity.

Yae Miko: sigh…

Yae Miko: But eternity is far too cruel a fate for you, Ei.

Ei: For me?

Yae Miko: Not only have you stopped paying attention to the world, but you have stopped paying attention to yourself.

Yae Miko: It must have been terribly lonely here, all alone, for centuries on end.

That's what convinces her in the end. You see, she has to admit that she's happy to see Yae again.

And in another, better story, that might even work. But three quarters of Inazuma is about other people suffering! Who cares about Ei?! Who cares about Yae simping for her?? I don't either of them and I don't care!

Unfortunately, Inazuma is a story that Genshin was never equipped to handle well and which honestly doesn't fit it. Genshin is about the gods, and the power levelling we've seen so far makes it very clear that humans have no real say in anything. I like to bring up Old Mondstadt and Decarabion, but there was a minor mention in some of the books that future-Barbatos had already gained some power from being worshipped, so it's likely his support was the only reason the resistance succeeded. (Note how that and the also Barbatos-supported takedown of the aristocracy are the ONLY historical rebellions to have succeeded. Everyone else failed... implication being they failed because no god supported them.) Similarly, all political maneuvering is ultimately meaningless in the face of the sheer power of an actual Archon. It's really notable how few cases we have of actual humans participating in meaningful battles.

In this sense, Sumeru is... "smarter" about its writing. We spend a lot of time with Nahida and she's presented in an emotionally manipulative way so that you are expected to prioritize her (assumed) feelings and not ask too many questions. And the actual threat of the chapter is shifted into something more ambiguously god-related and detached from actual people. The parts that are more grounded remain very weak, like the Akasha and the desert dwellers and the sheer insanity of the Akademiya's practices. Those are relegated to flavor text that will maybe kind of presumably get solved by Nahida's superior leadership or something.

#playing genshin

[nina-vonnegut]

A sweet and gentle scene that handles domestic violence very well, when it's not a big part of the narrative and isn't supposed to be fully deconstructed, is imo Justified, whichever ep of the first season it is, when Ava tells Raylan about Bowman.

Ava married her high-school sweetheart. Harlan is a small town, not many people get out. So it's what you do. And Ava shot (and killed) Bowman because he hit her.

She says in an earlier episode, paraphrasing, that after he beat her last time she knew he would do it again and could probably kill her. And she wasn't going to let it come to that. She was done. No more.

We get to the scene and she is drinking (?) and showing Raylan figurines on her dresser. And tells him how Bowman bought them for her all the time cause he thought she really liked them. Even though she doesn't, maybe she has said that to someone somewhere out of politeness. And Bowman held on to that.

She says that everybody thinks he (Bowman) beat her all the time. They don't understand how else someone would decide to/justify kill/ing their husband. But Bowman was sweet to her sometimes, or at least tried to be.

Obviously there are horrible extreme cases of dv where the husband does just pummel his wife 24/7. But very often it's not a one sided boxing match the whole time.

Abusers are sometimes sweet. And kind. And get you shit you like or they think you like. And their victims should be allowed to remember or even miss that. Should be allowed to tell people without losing credibility.

An abuser doesn't have to be a monster for the abuse to be a monstrous action.

And the way some people reacted to Ava and her story, even tho it wasn't a "big deal" in the show, she isn't a main character, has always made me sad. She was too happy and bubbly. She dressed too bright (?). She wasn't meek and skittish around Raylan. She kissed him and had sex with him. The nerve! She did her hair. Like not every victim is the same. And no victim at all should have to work at it to earn respect. Victimhood is not a look or a dressing style.

Anyway. The way Justified handled it. Ava doesn't go to prison. Bowmans family is mad she killed him, obvs. But Raylan never questions her decision. He doesn't say anything to her after that scene that could be interpreted as judgement. No one misses Bowman cause he was such a nice guy. He is a wife beater and thats his defining character trait, the thing he gets remembered for. Her later love interest doesn't question it either. Even though she revealed Bowman to have been a person and not a monster her choice to kill him is never questioned by characters or the narrative.

#i guess i will rewatch justified. not line i dont have anything else to do #ava crowder

[bisluthq]

I feel like people who are annoyed at people being annoyed at Taylor for the DOR thing are missing the huge privilege that she has. Like if any of us normal people see our boss grope a colleague at a Christmas party while drunk or we have a creepy co-worker, there are steps we can take but no, most of us couldn’t be in a position to have the privilege to go “you’re a cunt and i refuse to associate with you!” And even if we did, they’d just replace us with another robotic human who was in need of a job.

Taylor isn’t at risk of losing her home if she didn’t participate as a cameo bit in this movie

Can you imagine how absolutely powerful and iconic it would be from the woman who is often called “the music industry” if she said she was asked to have a small role in a film but said no because she didn’t want to support the director? She’s this all powerful player but doesn’t use her power when she can. If she said it as soon as she was asked and people applauded her for it, who knows, maybe Margot would play dumb and say she wasn’t aware of his actions, but now she is, she won’t be involved - because who wants to be involved with the movie TAYLOR SWIFT CONDEMNED THE MAKING OF! Enough financial pressure and the studio would drop him and replace him. We need a Margot, a Meryl, a Nicole Kidman type figure to say “I’m not interested in working with people when I know they’ve done …” and let it echo around the world until these creeps stop getting hired!

And unpopular opinion in film circles but fuck it - have you guys seen the short films being made on TikTok lately? Sure it takes more than pointing a camera to be a great director, but great directors can’t be that rare if a teenager with a cell phone and no other training or experience can make incredible stories. If you have a good script and good actors, it should work no matter what. So fuck DOR, fuck the people who keep backing him, fuck the people who know this shit about him and will no doubt suck his dick in promoting the movie and say how it was such a pleasure to work with him, he’s a fantastic director, they had such a good time - fuck the people who keep enabling KNOWN abusers to hold power and persuasion over an industry that impacts so many people and pays so much fucking money. And this isn’t a call to “cancel” everyone for everything. Everyone makes mistakes. Some mistakes are more redeemable than others. Some people handle their mistakes differently and actively focus on trying to better themselves and change their future and the lives of those around them who may be in a similar place. I don’t care if it’s performative, but RDJ redeemed himself imo, and he does so much for addiction and to help people get treatment and maintain recovery. He hires so many addicts in recovery because it keeps everyone in check and they all have a safety net. I don’t even remember what he went to prison for, but no one that I’m aware of has put in as much effort to publicly address their past and go “it wasn’t ok, this is how I’ve grown though”. Ps I also don’t think being an addict is a “cancelable” offence, but that’s a man who doesn’t come to mind as some great glass ceiling smashing person, but he’s done SOMETHING. While I’m ranting fuck meryl streep and her performative feminism when she calls for forgiveness on Roman Polanski only a few years after giving such a fake ass speech during the height of the #metoo movement.

Well, yes.

#nat talks wise ass anons

[tottymatsuno]

Can you please rank them from worst to best house husband? I need this list for reasons…

You... I just turnt anon on my beloved. Ilu tho bc I'm about to learn ya a thing or two. I'm gonna use some slight gendered language sorry edit I misread and did it best to worst whoops

1matsu. Ichimatsu is a domesticated cat, he thrives in a clean environment and will take the initiative to make it clean himself. In episodes that involve a Matsuno trying to make their living situation more hospitable for all of them it is Ichimatsu who takes the lead. He will cook, clean and cuddle you bc he knows you've worked hard. He will bitch at you, he will nag at you and he will cuss u tf out if you purposefully make a mess or do not appreciate his hard work but he's also really chill and good at reading the mood so he would be an excellent person to vent to! Ichimatsu would get to know your neighbors for you because he knows you're too busy sometimes but would like to stay in the loop. Very considerate partner, definitely will buy you snacks and would be mindful of the budget. Romance wise it'd be awkward initially when you move in together but would quickly settle into a veey quiet and passionate life long romance. Lots of quietly doing your own things while lying on the others lap. Lots of kisses that he would get embarrassed by and run away even tho he kissed you. Yall have been married for five years and he still can't look you in the eyes after making out. 8/10 great husband. 2 points docked bc you'll have to live a life smelling like sardines and he does shit in a litterbox sometimes.

Osomatsu imo is 2. Now don't shoot me for saying this but Osomatsu is someone who is adversed to growing up so it would take more of an emotional bribe for him to actually change but once he does and realizes that he's still young, he can still see his brothers everyday, that the affection of having his own smaller family that loves him despite his flaws... I think that'd inspire him to want to be a better person for them. He realistically would be someone you needed to baby at first, someone you'd get mad at often bc holy shit Osomatsu!! You just cleaned that! But I think when push came to shove a few things would set in after he tested the waters to see if you'd leave him. If you got sick or god forbid pregnant Osomatsu would look around and think "ah. I'm being a burden. How can I help right now?" and it'd start with him cleaning up. When you thank Osomatsu earnestly he has a bit of an identity crisis, is he still piece of shit Osomatsu? Is it okay?? And then he'd clean more and more everyday. He'd taper off of drinking so much and oh god Osomatsu just opened a savings account... He's not gambling but is instead trying to actually manage the household like an adult should! Responsible Osomatsu finally acting proper because he loves you so much and you're the best thing that ever happened to him. Why would Osomatsu want to stay a piece of shit forever when he has someone to inspire him to be a good husband? In terms of romance I think it'd initially start off making you feel like you're in middle school again bc of how juvenile it'd be. But in a good way! Everything would feel so new and the butterflies would never end bc we saw how happy Osomatsus wife was in the 1st ep of s2. 7/10 because you will lose hundreds of thousands of yen investing in his hobosexual ass before he gives u something better than mediocre head.

My personal fave and wife Totty! Todomatsu is someone who wants to be loved, cherished and wanted. He wants to love and most importantly be loved wholly in return. The issues are though that he's lazy and inconsiderate and will try to manipulate you into spoiling him. Like that scene with him using Matsuyo's expensive toner and then telling her she ran out. Todomatsu will see you work a full time work week and ask you to massage his shoulders bc his part time job was that hard! Now his good points are he wouldn't be a fulltime househusband like the others, he would actually have a job. To lord over you and make you feel sorry for your poor sweet Totty. But if Todomatsu saw you were legitimately having a tough day he would cook a nice meal or if he were too tired would let you pick take out. Watching comedy shows with him would be fun, and Totty would be the first to ask for a pet! "Let's pretend its a trial run for our baby!" either as a joke or srs depending on ur preference for children. Todomatsu would buy you spontaneous gifts always with your preference and tastes in mind. He's not the best at being emotionally honest and Todomatsu will try to hurt your feelings if his were slighted first. A real tic for tat kinda guy but Totty would be the first to want to hold you and help in any way he can. He wants you to love and praise him forever so Todomatsu generally tries to stay on your good side. He can't clean though and Todomatsu has only learned a few dishes from his mother but in terms of life partners he's a good one. 6/10 bc he's petty and rude and the type to point out you ate his leftovers like 8 yrs back when losing an argument.

Karamatsu would try! Oh god would he try!! He starts off with this expectation that because Karamatsu loves you more than anything and even himself that it would easy to serve you like he was offering his very soul at the alter. But those delusions of grandeur would fall short of both of your expectations. It'd be cute at first! Karamatsu would looove if you depended on him! But the thing is that if he had nothing else to do but keep things clean, grocery shop and run household errands he'd go crazy! Karamatsu would start inventing reasons to go on journeys or at the very least would miss you too much and would insist on dropping you off and picking you up from work. Yall would need to get a dog but Karamatsu would be too shy to ask for another companion when he already has you as his eternal life partner! Dude would get bored tho lol and start getting uppity. You'd need to reel him in w affection and spoiling him too just as much. Karamatsu doesn't need a normal spouse, a lowkey one would be great but in reality he needs someone just as fucking insane as he is. Really needs a hype man bc he's gonna hype you tf up and if you cant match his energy he's gonna start ripping your carpet out bc he needs enrichment. Being in love with Karamatsu would be fairytale sweet but it would take him some time to actually adjust and start buying you gifts you actually like and not pulling moves and lines from cliche movies. 4.8/10 bc it might get grating after a while and also he's very accident prone so you can stand replacing so many walls and doors. Also he needs lots of attention.

Jyushimatsu is probably in a tier of his own which is: If you like it I love it. Jyushimatsu is very energetic, the smiles and laughter wouldn't end! But when he's in love he calms down considerably and can be serious enough. It's very sweet seeing how earnest he is and how relaxing Jyushimatsu finds your presence. Mornings are animated, evenings are softer and it's so easy to relax with him until you remember Jyushi embodies the comedy rules of funny. Things will get resolved with a punchline whether you like it or not, things will change and since the boy can alter reality it'd be a lot going on at once. Lots of kissing and handholding and ppl probably think it's very innocent and go "aww, how cute" but Jyushimatsu is probably knocking your boots clear off on the reg. You'll probably be fine cuz him love you but yeah you're gonna need to be dynamic to keep yourself from going crazy. Ya house ain't too messy and you do have to teach him how to clean but he's eager to help you and he does spends some of your money on candy and toys and the conversation you have to have with Jyushimatsu when you see his bank account is gonna be a mess. -10/10 for withholding martial assests. 1000/10 for ultimate Jyushimatsu experience.

Choromatsu is my least favorite since the movie and if u were looking forward to him ig I can go thru it but I'm not gonna be very kind. He pretends to do ur taxes but doesn't file them or know how to actually do it. He gets an inflated ego when you start dating and doesn't stop bragging about how lucky you are. Real incel vibes but you love it. He can be sweet sometimes but those times are a bit rare since he's spending your money on idol and anime merch. Choromatsu would at least probably give good head ig so maybe there's that to look forward to. He'd be cute during the courting stage of the relationship but would grow much too complacent during the actual marriage. Choromatsu promised his mama he'd have kids first so there's that element of pressure. After a while you hear him tell you "we're already married so what's the point pretending to be all lovey dovey still?" even though he's still in love with you. He's more caught up in the perception of himself rather than being super good at being a husband. Yall apartment isn't a mess by a long shot but only a few days out of the week is it truly clean. You can't motivate him because even though he doesn't have a job he's married anyways. There's good times and bad times but ultimately it's just a bit bland. He can be funny though so you stay. 2/10 don't look at his porn stash though.

#osomatsu san x reader #osomatsu x reader #karamatsu x reader #choromatsu x reader #ichimatsu x reader #jyushimatsu x reader #Todomatsu x reader #osomatsu san imagines #Ososan images #Sorry beloveds Choromatsu doesn't get a kind review #Probably typoes all up in this bitch lemme reread it omg #my cherished anon #roros requests

[pigeonsatdawn]

law school ep 15 (and solhwi overall)

gonna put in my two cents for the line that singlehandedly caused the solhwi nation to implode.

(apologies in advanced because my thoughts are too messy for me to neatly put it in a post but i want to say it anyway—also this is just the way i view solhwi so please don't come screaming at me if you disagree!)

i'm a diehard solhwi shipper and i love their relationship, and think they have one of the best relationships out there in the fictional world, and also definitely one of the healthiest. but to me, their relationship extends far beyond the romantic relationships we so often see portrayed in media.

kim beom said in one interview that this relationship between HJH and KS is kin to that of a soulmate relationship that's not necessarily romance, and i find myself agreeing with that notion. while soulmates are typically used to describe romantic partnerships, it doesn't necessarily have to start with romance. (many people have pointed this out in other posts so i won't go further down the fact that HJH x KS's relationship is a friends-to-lovers slow burn but you get me.)

but in fact, this bond between soulmates (or at least how i define it), in my opinion, is far beyond what we usually see in romance. as in, it's not just someone you like, but it's someone whose changed your life in a certain way. i know some may be averse to the idea of having to change for the one you love because loving is the notion of accepting someone in spite of the person's flaws, but what i mean is that when you love someone in this way, you want to change because of them. you see them, and they inspire you, and you grow in your own way. once again—growth is a very subjective idea, and even for HJH and KS we can see them grow in different directions—but we can clearly see how they have impacted each others' lives.

it's quite obvious, imo, how KS's life has been impacted by HJH's. she's,, not the "smartest" out there, and we can't deny that. we know she probably won't make it through law school if not for HJH's help. HJH is always there, a step ahead of KS, but he's not just being proud about it, instead opting to help her understand what the laws are and why they are the way they are, which KS especially needs, being a particularly empathic person. but we've also seen that HJH has helped KS beyond simply academics. he's always been there to protect her—almost all their interactions have proven that (the camera outside her house, the hungover soup, the switching seats—i think literally everything?..?..?.??). maybe she doesn't necessarily need protection, but surely thanks to his protection she's much better than she might've been without, especially knowing her terribly miserable life.

but i often wonder why HJH is so heart-eyes of KS of all people. i mean, i know love is love and sometimes you just catch feelings, but i believe there's more meaning behind their relationship than meets the eye. like you don't just look at someone so lovingly for it to be just a crush, y'know? the first reason that comes to mind is clearly simply KS's amicable personality. she definitely stands out: she's not that intelligent, struggling and barely surviving, but she has insane passion to pull through even despite truth attacks (like SJH saying she should reconsider her life decisions, saying that a chance of passing isn't something to be proud of, etc). she treats everything with such a positive outlook, and, well, KS is just an adorable human, so it's hard not to have a little crush her.

what makes KS stand out most, the core of her personality, is that she has hope, despite everything. she's been through shit because of her circumstances—left by her twin sister without a word, been in juvie, has no money to deal with it—you know, entire backstory. but instead she fights her weakness, even though she feel like it should've been her sister, even though she's not smart enough, because she has to do this. she keeps going, even though things keep turning out for the worse for her, holding hope when circumstances are most dire. but why? because she strives for justice. she doesn't want to be wronged. she wants the law to own up its mistakes, wants to make sure the law gets its own revenge. that's why she wants to work in law, yeah? and so she keeps fighting, even when hope seems lost.

okay but why did i mention this? because i think this is what HJH sees in KS. why? because this is what he needs.

HJH had lost hope. in an episode (i don't remember which), he mentioned he doesn't trust anyone, and it's obvious why: his uncle. it's the worst kind of betrayal that causes your ideals being burned down. he realized that even people who work in law can be corrupt, people who he thought he could trust above all others, people who seemed utterly good. and then he just begins to regard everyone with baseline amity, and no further. many have pointed out he doesn't have real friends (other than KS), even though he looks outgoing and friendly. it's not quite shown, but it must've been lonely. and a lonely fight, trying to prove that he will be a better prosecutor than his uncle was. and we know that HJH's nature as a person is to be calculating, objective, seeing things through facts and statistics; it's what makes him so intelligent. what that also makes him is realistic, and more often than not, that is almost equal to pessimistic—because reality just... sucks, as has been proven by the betrayal of his uncle. and further into the drama we see only more corrupt people in the business, so we certainly don't get out hopes fueled.

there's scarcely anyone in what we see who's actually pursuing law because they're passionate about the law, or if they are, they're not often very... human in doing it. examples: YJH, SJH, KSB are all very cold and indifferent types, people who really just come and do what they do, focus on studies (in the case of YJH, his teaching), and interactions with others are treated as "lesser". SJH and KSB in particular—they're good at the law, sure, but they seem to prioritize their position in law first and foremost. SJH and KSB don't hesitate to call out their losses, and even would rather not intervene for justice if it meant their position would be compromised. not that they're bad characters, not at all; i mentioned them simply to compare them to KS, who, despite not having the brains to do half the things she's supposed to do and earning herself nosebleeds everytime she tries, still does what she does for justice, passionately, hopefully, all for righteousness.

okay this was longer than i intended WHEW so i'll cut to the chase: long story short, HJH needs KS because KS gives him hope. hope of a humanity where people actually work in law and choose to fight for justice against all odds, even if the system itself is infiltrated by filth and corruption. KS is someone who, in her first lecture, was grilled the fuck out by Yangcrates, yet the first thing she does after she nearly throws her guts out is ask HJH whether he can tutor her. she does not ever lose hope, and that, truly, is what stands out to HJH, what he needs.

and KS needs HJH because he is her hope as well! hope by itself does no good if you can't actually do something about it, and KS knows this. HJH, despite seemingly just being someone to help her in her studies, is someone she needs if she wants to achieve her goals, if she wants to get back on the law the right way. which is why, in the end, KS and HJH are, while independent in their own way, dependent on each other in terms of their growth—KS gives HJH hope in humanity, HJH helps KS realize (make real) her hopes that would have been dreams if not for her.

oh my god i've rambled on this long without stating my point: THE DAMN LINE.

HJH saying he owes her makes sense in this light because, indeed, KS's positive outlook in everything keeps him going. it gives him a reason to keep wanting to work in law, because she is a reason to believe in goodness and justice, that there will be people who keep fighting for justice against all odds. he owes this to her—and perhaps that is why he goes all out to help her achieve that hope, perhaps that's why he goes out of his way to care for her. because they are each other's missing puzzle piece, the other half. soulmates.

sigh ok this was long ONE FINAL POINT. everyone has their own opinion on a solwhi ending, so i might as well chip in mine.

certainly, as a solhwi shipper, i want them to end up together. i believe they're really the best of soulmates, two people who just complement each other so well. but in the current timeline, them having a romantic relationship out of the blue would be,,, simply unnecessary, imo. they're still very much in the stage of friendship, and are both dealing with their own personal baggage, that shoving a romance would just take away the focus from their growth. i personally think even this platonic relationship is already a beautiful one, one that outshines many of the romances i've watched, even without having to flood everything under the romance light—which i think many can agree with me, seeing as how solhwi is shipped so much. i still want to see them end up together, though, so SEASON TWO LAW SCHOOL MANIFESTATION. please please please directors writers make it happen i am begging you. thank you.

sorry for this long ass post, thank you if you do read it and leave any thoughts! again this is just my opinion, you're free to let me know if you think differently or anything, or shoot me a message if you want to scream about solhwi or whatever i'm just solhwi brainrot 24/7 🤸🏻‍♀️

#sorry this was so long i have absolutely no self control when it comes to law school #law school #law school jtbc #law school kdrama #로스쿨 #solhwi #han joon hwi #kang sol a #kang sol #kdrama #kim beom #ryu hye young #mine #analysis #opinion #netflix

[meltingheartsandcores]

This is just something that came from a different story I’m writing, so, it’s just a one shot. And it’s not really editted (sorry). 

 This is A/B/O, with Omega wwx and Alpha lwj, but honestly it doesn’t really show up much, like it’s not a focal point of the story for the most part, it’s just kind of, there. There’s minor NieLan, and past wangxian with hopeful future wangxian (hopeful future IMO), and it’s modern non cultivation!

 Other than that, enjoy? And if you have questions feel free to hop into my inbox.

It had been years.

Five, to be exact.

Wei Wuxian wouldn't lie and say Lan Wangji never entered his mind, he did almost constantly. But he had long accepted he would never see the Alpha again. Lan Qiren had made it rather clear he was to never contact Lan Wangji again.

That hadn't been a pleasant conversation. Well. Argument.

For once Wei Wuxian was glad he was no longer in contact with the Jiangs, even if it wasn’t for long, he'd hate for them to have been involved. He's not entirely sure who's side Madam Yu would've been on, but he hoped she would've been on his. Although, if she was, he's not entirely confident Lan Qiren would still be walking around. Lan Qiren might be a hard ass, but he had nothing on Madam Yu.

He should write Nie Huaisang. See how the Jiang's are doing.

"Are you alright?"

Wei Wuxian blinks, brought back to the present, silently filing the idea to write Nie Huaisang for later, and looks up at Lan Xichen. Who he had just run into. Literally.

Wei Wuxian ignores the hand and stands on his own, "Perfectly. Just distracted. Sorry to bother you." Wei Wuxian says, nodding and turning, deciding he could get A-Yuan's candy later, after the milk. He had made it a few steps before Lan Xichen grabbed his arm. Wei Wuxian tenses, snapping around with a glare on his face before he registers that Lan Xichen isn't going to attack him. Not physically at least. So he lets the glare fall. "Sorry."

Lan Xichen drops his hand, "No, I should not have grabbed you. I apologize." An apology from a Lan. Maybe he died.

A-Yuan would be heartbroken. A-Yu probably doesn't know what Death is and probably wouldn't understand for a few years.

Lan Xichen was talking. Wei Wuxian should be listening, not thinking of his death. Lan Xichen smiles, as he normally does, "You were not listening."

"Sorry. My brain drifts, it pissed your uncle off to end, remember?" Wei Wuxian says, shrugging.

Lan Xichen nods, "Uncle seemed to anger easily around you, yes. I was wondering if you had the time, we could talk. Perhaps over tea?"

He can't ask for alcohol instead. For one, Lans don't drink. For two, he has to pick A-Yu and A-Yuan up in half an hour.

"I have a half hour, I guess we could finish up shopping and go to the Starbucks down the block." Lan Xichen's eyes tighten at the mention of Starbucks, which makes Wei Wuxian remember the heavily disturbed and deer-in-headlight look Lan Wangji had when Wei Wuxian dragged him there. Repeatedly.

Lan Wangji never seemed to get used to Starbucks.

None of the Lans seem to like it either.

Lan Xichen nods though, so Wei Wuxian does a U-turn to grab the candy he promised A-Yuan and then made a bee-line for the two other things he was missing. He loses Lan Xichen at some point, but when he gets to the check out, Lan Xichen is waiting by the door with a bag.

Wei Wuxian smiles at the Cashier, Mingyu, who seemed slightly concerned for him. But Wei Wuxian waves off the concern, even when Mingyu decides to ask, "Is he a friend or should I call security?"

Wei Wuxian considers this, Lan Xichen isn't a friend, but security isn't necessary. Wei Wuxian grins when he comes to a response, that's both honest and fun, "He's Daiyu's uncle." Wei Wuxian informs, finishing with his payment and taking his items. "See you in a week Mingyu!" Wei Wuxian calls as the other man is clearly trying to figure out how he hasn't met this uncle until now.

"A friend?" Lan Xichen asks as they walk down the road.

"Eh, more I'm a regular." Wei Wuxian shrugs. He only talks to Mingyu when he buys groceries. Not much other reason to talk to the teenager.

Especially since he tends to remind Wei Wuxian that, uh, he is only twenty-two.

That's not something he particularly likes to remember. Especially when he's on his way to pick up his kids. He looks older enough that none of the other parents comment on him being A-Yu and A-Yuan's brother, and none of them comment on the utter shame of having a child at seventeen. And presumably fourteen if A-Yuan was actually birthed from him. As he so often jokes, especially after A-Yuan learnt where babies came from.

A-Yuan thinks it's funny.

Wen Qing thinks it's stupid.

But it's meant to entertain the eight year old so it's not a problem.

"So you live around here." Lan Xichen comments, more to himself than to Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian has to mentally curse himself. For five years, no Lan has known where he lived. No one from that life knew where he was except Nie Huaisang. And for all he can be a coward, Wei Wuxian knows he wouldn't have given away his location to anyone.

But he just confirmed to Lan Xichen that he lived in this town.

Fuck.

"What're you doing here?" Wei Wuxian asks, opening the door for Lan Xichen and gesturing for the man to enter the Starbucks. Lan Xichen gives him a tight smile and enters, clearly not liking being inside the store.

Tough. Wei Wuxian doesn't want to be having this conversation, neither of them get to be comfortable. Wei Wuxian follows Lan Xichen in, walking up to the register and ordering a drink with a smile before turning to Lan Xichen for his order. Which he gives with a tense smile. The barista nods, repeats the order back and then Lan Xichen pays, because this was his idea and Wei Wuxian would much rather be at home right now.

They amble over to a table to wait for their drinks to be made. Well. Lan Xichen got his at the till since it was just a Green Tea, but they have to wait for Wei Wuxian's. Might as well get this chat over with.

"The Nie have a lakehouse a mile out of town." Oh right. Oh fuck. "Mingjue and I are having a little vacation." Lan Xichen says in response to his earlier question.

"And you came to get some groceries."

"Just a little. Mingjue will be back for the rest." Lan Xichen winces when he sips at his tea, clearly not liking it. He sets his cup aside, "You know, Huaisang seemed very against us going to this partical vacation house."

Oh for fucks sake. "Huaisang's specialty isn't subtly." Wei Wuxian says with a shrug, then stands and gets his drink when the barista calls out his name.

Lan Xichen waits for him to sit back down. "No, it isn't. Might I ask, why Huaisang knows where you are when no one else does?"

"I don't like the Jin. I don't want to burden the Jiang. The Lan want nothing to do with me." Wei Wuxian shrugs, "Nie Huaisang is the only friend I have left." Outside of the friends he now lives with. Wei Wuxian sips at his flat white.

Lan Xichen's brows twitch in a furrow before smoothing out, "What do you mean we want nothing to do with you.

Wei Wuxian raises an eyebrow, "Was there a part of Lan Qiren's order that was unclear?"

Wei Wuxian's response only seems to confuse him further. "I believe, there has been some miscommunication." Lan Xichen suggests politely.

"Not really." Wei Wuxian refutes. "Lan Qiren told me to get the fuck out and never contact any of you again. Not much room for miscommunication."

"He said what?" Lan Xichen asks, sounding light and a little confused. But Wei Wuxian had spent enough time around Lan Wangji, and hence Lan Xichen since Lan Xichen was Lan Wangji's favoured company, to know he was getting very pissed off.

Huh.

Wei Wuxian shrugs, too little too late, in his opinion. It's been five years. "It was shortly after I left the Jiang, I went to stay with Lan- Wangji." Wei Wuxian catches himself before using the familiar address. Lan Xichen seemed to catch the slip up too. "Just for the night. The departure went a little more explosively than I meant for it to, I came to spend the night. Lan Qiren told me to leave and never return, that Lan Wangji wanted nothing more to do with me. Not to contact anyone in the family. Obviously I argued, but I had already argued with Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang that night, so, he won. I left. And then a week later he sent me two hundred thousand Yuan." That wasn't a pleasant night to remember. It wasn't a pleasant week. He found out he was pregnant, then the Wen shit happened, and he was moving across the country with Wen Ning and his family. Wei Wuxian shrugs again, drinking his flat white.

Lan Xichen's brow furrows slowly, and he shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Uncle told us nothing about this. All Wangji and I have known is that you left the Jiang and disappeared. Wangji certainly didn't say anything about not wanting your company anymore." Lan Xichen seemed offended at the very idea.

Oh.

Huh.

Lan Wangji doesn't hate him.

Oh fuck.

Lan Wangji doesn't hate him.

But he probably will. When he tells him about A-Yu.

Fuck.

"Is everything okay?" Lan Xichen asks, making clear that Wei Wuxian's panic is clear on his face.

"Um." Wei Wuxian swallows, twisting the paper cup in his hands, "In theory. If, uh, when I left, I had been uh," No. Nope. He can't think of a good way to say this. He checks the time. "Uh, do you have twenty minutes?"

"I'm supposed to meet with Mingjue in ten."

"Great. Uh. Meet me at the park with the giant octopus sculpture in fifteen, bring Da ge, I need to drop my groceries off at my house." Wei Wuxian doesn't wait for Lan Xichen to agree, picking up his groceries and hurrying out.

When he gets home, he dumps the groceries on the counter, giving Wen Qing a quick, "Lan Xichen's in town and he's metting A-Yu and A-Yuan, see you in fiften minutes. Thanks bye!" before running back out, not responding to her shout of 'what' that followed.

When he gets to the octopus sculpture, he doesn't have to wait long fo Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue to show up, thankfully. He bounces over to them, the nervous energy coursing through him a little too much to keep still. "Hi Dage."

"Wuxian." Nie Mingjue greets, as if Wei Wuxian hasn't been off the grid for five years and was still popping into his house every other weekend to do weird shit with Nie Huaisang.

Nice to know somethings don't change.

"What is it you wanted to show us?" Lan Xichen asks politely.

"Um, this way." Wei Wuxian takes them to the school, which was only a few minutes away.

"A school." Nie Mingjue deadpans.

Wei Wuxian looks at the other parents waiting, a few of them looking back at the group with furrowed brows. One of the mothers makes a very harsh 'come here' gesture, so Wei Wuxian turns to Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen, "Uh, I'll be right back. Don't move." He was clearly confusing the pair, but they nod so he rushes off to Mrs. Yang.

"Is that Daiyu's father? Other father?" Mrs. Yang demands, almost glaring at Lan Xichen.

"It's his older brother." Wei Wuxian corrects with a tight smile. "Please don't go yell at him."

"Oh, his family decides it's okay for you to raise a child for five years on your own, and I shouldn't yell?" Mrs. Yang demands, already gearing up to go.

"Uh, I'm, about to tell him Daiyu exists."

Mrs. Yang blinks, clearly taken aback. "Wei Wuxian." Wei Wuxian flinches at her tone, oh no. He's in trouble. "Did you not tell the Alpha family you were pregnant?"

"In my defence," because he needed one if he wanted to survive, "their uncle had already told me their family wanted nothing to do with me before he found out I had gotten pregnant. I don't think that opinion would've been changed in my favour. Given we were seventeen, and unmated."

Mrs. Yang hmphs, but nods. "Fine. But if he seems anything less than overjoyed, I'll be having words."

"Yes Mrs. Yang. Thank you." Wei Wuxian says, nodding. He meant it. Mrs. Yang was one of the more supportive parents. Like Granny Wen she had more or less started treating him like family.

It probably helped that her eldest was only two years younger than Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian smiles and then hurries back to Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue as the elder grades started to be let out.

"I'm sorry, do you babysit?" Lan Xichen asks, clearly very confused. Nie Mingjue doesn't seem to be much better.

"Uh. Sometimes." Wei Wuxian shrugs, "Not today." His answer only served further confusion, but he wasn't paying much attention to the pair. Instead to his incoming missile.

"Xian-gege!" Wen Yuan yells, and Wei Wuxian picks up the eight-year old as the boy had launched himself at Wei Wuxian.

"A-Yuan! My, I think you've grown!"

Wen Yuan pouts, "You saw me this morning gege! I haven't grown at all!"

Wei Wuxian shakes his head, "Hmm, nope! You've grown a full inch! I know it."

"No! A-Yuan hasn't grown at all!" Wen Yuan counters, pouting more deeply. Ah, not in the mood to be teased today. Okay.

"Ah, ah yes. A-Yuan is correct." Wei Wuxian agrees, and puts A-Yuan down. "A-Yuan, this is Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue. They're old friends." Wei Wuxian introduces.

Wen Yuan was half through a bored wave when he actually looked at Nie Mingjue and his eyes utterly lit up. "You're so tall!"

Nie Mingjue barely blinked, very used to this reaction, but he seemed delighted at A-Yuan's very prescence. "Yes." Seeing as A-Yuan was practically vibrating, Wei Wuxian gently encourages him, and really that was all that was necessary before A-Yuan was attached to Nie Mingjue's leg and asking a million questions a minute.

Nie Mingjue seemed amused, and politely answered every question he caught.

With A-Yuan distracted, Wei Wuxian looks around the schoolyard for his other charge. Normally Daiyu would be attached to his leg by now. He finally spots her hiding by a tree, or, behind a tree. Her eyes widen when they meet his, and he waves her over. She hesitates, but eventually decides to come over. She walks, and then runs the last little bit, entirely hiding behind Wei Wuxian's legs, peeking a little to look at Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue.

Lan Xichen had frozen.

As expected, given Daiyu's golden eyes.

"Daiyu, this is Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen. Lan Xichen is your Bobo." Daiyu seemed very doubtful of that, making almost the exact same expression Lan Wangji did when Wei Wuxian had tried to convince him necromancy was a perfectly viable career path. Wei Wuxian would like to be offended. "I'm telling the truth."

"I thought Baba's family didn't want anything to do with us." Daiyu counters, doubt clear.

Ai. Who told her that? They didn't but still. "Who told you that?"

"Qing-jie."

...Ok. Wei Wuxian wasn't going to yell at Wen Qing for telling Daiyu that. Even if he wanted to. He was going to call her a liar.

"Well, she's wrong." Wei Wuxian crouches, turning to pick Daiyu up before standing straight. "It's complicated, and something I'll talk to you about in private. But Lan Xichen hasn't been able to be around until now."

Daiyu narrows her eyes but shrugs, "Fine." She didn't sound fine. But Wei Wuxian was not about to argue with a five year old. Not in public.

"Ok. Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, this is Wei Daiyu."

"Hi."

"Hello."

Daiyu looks at Wei Wuxian before responding, "Hello."

Well. This was awkward. And Lan Xichen looked like he was about to faint. "Why don't we go to the park?" A-Yuan seemed all for that idea. A-Yu looked like she'd rather not but when Wei Wuxian put her down she ran with A-Yuan toward the park. Wei Wuxian lead the adults in following after them.

While the kids played at the Octopus park, Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen sat down at a bench, as Wen Yuan had dragged Nie Mingjue into their game.

"You were pregnant."

Wei Wuxian nods. "Lan Qiren didn't know. I, didn't know, until a week after that argument." Wei Wuxian shrugs, "I took Lan Qiren's words to heart, and didn't contact Lan Zhan about her."

"But you told Huaisang." Lan Xichen states.

Wei Wuxian blinks, "Huaisang doesn't know. I only talk to Huaisang for updates on the Jiang." And other things, but, mostly the Jiang. Once or twice Lan Wangji, but not all that often. He probably wouldn't take it well if Nie Huaisang sent back that Lan Wangji had gotten married.

"You, didn't tell anyone?"

"Nope. You're the first person outside of this town that knows." Wei Wuxian shrugs, and Lan Xichen just, stops. Wei Wuxian worries he's broken him, but soon enough Lan Xichen shakes his head.

"I can't- Apologies, this is a lot to process."

"How do you think Lan Zhan will react?" He's expecting anger. That's what some of the other omegan parents tell him to expect, whenever he considers sending Lan Wangji a message about Daiyu. No Alpha ever takes a pup being kept from them well. That's what they always say.

Lan Xichen's eyes widen, then he winces slightly, "I imagine, you are the not the one to worry about Wangji's reaction." Eh? "I'm sure he'll be happy. Saddened to have missed her first few years, but happy none the less."

Wei Wuxian opens and closes his mouth, trying to figure how to phrase his question before giving up and just asking, "Is he with anyone?"

Lan Xichen blinks and turns to look at Wei Wuxian, confused for a moment before understand dawns and he shakes his head slightly, "No. Uncle has tried for arrangements, but Wangji refuses them all. but I'm certain if you contact him, he'll be happy to see you." (Lan Xichen does not mention that he's rather confident Lan Wangji will immediately run to Wei Wuxian's side and help in raising Daiyu if Wei Wuxian even hints that that is what he wants. That seems a little much for right now.)

Wei Wuxian nods, not entirely believing that, but not willing to argue. "Now I just have to get Daiyu to come around." He did not expect his daughter to be the stickler here. Then again, Wen Qing had made her opinion on Lan Qiren years ago and wasn't quiet about it.

"She's aware of what Uncle said?" Lan Xichen asks.

Wei Wuxian shakes his head, "Uh, my friend, Wen Qing, yeah, that Wen Qing, I'm living with her family, long story, anyways, Wen Qing knows, and she holds very unfavourable opinions about it and she's not quiet about them. So, even if Daiyu doesn't know the full story, Wen Qing has given her enough to go on that she's formed her own, unfavourable opinion." Wei Wuxian shrugs, he couldn't really argue against it. Up until half an hour ago, he was rather confident the Lan's hated him and wanted nothing to do with him.

Now he has to explain a five year misunderstanding to his daughter.

Fun.

“I have to tell Wangji what you just told me.” Lan Xichen states, clearly not looking forward to that conversation.

Wei Wuxian shrugs, “It’s Lan Zhan, he’ll make a displeased face and not talk for a week.” It wasn’t that big of deal. Lan Wangji doesn’t do grudges, not really. At least, he didn’t five years ago.

Lan Xichen’s face was pure pity, which Wei Wuxian didn’t understand but it was gone before Wei Wuxian could formulate a question. “Do you want us around or shall we leave you alone?”

Oh. Wei Wuxian hadn’t considered that. “Um, maybe leave us alone for tomorrow? I guess I can give you my number and, if A-Yu is agreeable you guys can hang around. If it won’t mess up your vacation.” Because, who wants to spend their vacation with their little brother’s ex and daughter?

“That would be wonderful.” Lan Xichen says, pulling out his own phone and letting Wei Wuxian type in his number. Wei Wuxian then texts himself so he’d have the number on his phone too. “We should be getting back, I believe Mingjue wanted to stop by the butcher and they close at five.”

“Yes, they do. Because he needs to eat supper and spend time with his kids.” He kne Changpu, he was nice. Stodgy, but nice.

Lan Xichen nods and stands up, walking over to the playing trio and speaking quietly to Mingjue, he bids goodbye to the children, before the pair start walking away, they wave goodbye to Wei Wuxian, which he returns, and then they disappear.

Then, Daiyu runs up to him, “A-Niang, does that mean A-Die doesn’t hate us? Will he come live with us? Will we see Xi-bo a lot? Are they going to live with us? Like Granny and Uncle Four?”

Fuck.

Upon returning to the cabin, Lan Xichen’s day wasn’t going any better. Nie Mingjue was cooking supper, so Lan Xichen was alone with the decision to call Lan Wangji about Wei Wuxian. Obviously, he would. How much to say though?

Wangji, as it turns out, would make that decision for him.

After exchanging greetings, Lan Xichen barely got out, “So I ran into Wei Wuxian today in the city near where Mingjue and I are vacationing.” Before the call was dropped. Lan Xichen blinked, staring at his phone where it said ‘Call Ended’, meaning Wangji hung up on him. Lan Wangji hung up without a word. Without letting Lan Xichen finish. He was never so rude. He normally at least made a sound to indicate a goodbye. Nie Mingjue laughed at him when Lan Xichen explained why he was so flabbergasted.

Lan Wangji showed up the next morning.

#Wei Wuxian #Lan Xichen #Nie Mingjue #A/B/O #wwx #lxc #nmj #cql #mdzs #Modern Au #my writing #my fics #Wei Daiyu #I forget the characters for her name but I have them written somewhere #She’s like #my Wangxian go to child for any fics Im writing where they have a child aside from lzs #I haven’t posted in forever #I don’t remember how I used to tag these #Five Year Misunderstanding

[sl-walker]

Seeing how Maul's TCW arc panned out and how more often than not epsiodes with him were clearly written to benefit the main Jedi cast/put the main cast in a better light (I seriously wonder whether Felony only came up with the Mandalore arc to say that his darling Ashoka, whom I love but who also honestly suffers from the favoritism at times, beat the by Felony much disliked Maul), what kind of changes would you have liked to see to his overall arc? Do you think he should have gone about Mandalore/Satine as he did or did you think this was already pushing it to unecessary extremes?

And also; what do you think of the removed/extended scene from The Lawless in which Savage and Maul fight Sidious (the one were Maul, while still losing at least can push back a little back, which imo was actually a clever way to justify Sheev showing up personally, as he might not have trusted Dooku with taking on Maul alone)?

Just curious to hear from a quasi-Maul-expert

Well, first, I'm not quasi anything, I'm totally a Maul expert. -grins- If we define 'expert' as 'having vacuumed up every available piece of canon and Legends material about him absent only S7', anyway. But aside that completely unnecessary flex, my Nonny-friend--

I think that if I were going to resurrect him and stick with him spending twelve years skittering around as a trash spider, I would have spent way more time on character work and less time on 'let's set him up so various people could beat him up'. I would have made his major psychotic break a feature instead of something Talzin supposedly magicked away because mental health doesn't work that way.

I would have probably explored a lot more of his backstory in conjunction with his episodes -- as I mentioned before, Wrath was actually written to coincide with said resurrection, so the framework was there and intentionally published to go with it -- and I would have really tried harder to make his actual actions post-Lotho Minor line up with his prior characterization. Which was-- Maul was fucking clueless, okay? He was a ridiculous, brainwashed twenty-two year old punk when Kenobi cut him down. (Yes, he was beautiful, yes he did shit like talk to birds and save random teenagers in prison hellscapes, yes he ordered plain water in a bar, yes I love him so damn much, but he was still a ridiculous, twenty-two year old punk.) Sidious had been, by that point, just basically training him to do dirty work, but also making sure that Maul could never function in normal society well enough to be any part of Sidious's ultimate plans. Or, for that matter, to effectively warn anyone else about what he did know. If he were so inclined and not, you know, brainwashed from practically birth.

So, while I do think that Maul, after twelve years as a trash spider, would be able to and willing to kill Satine to hurt Obi-Wan, I don't think he would have the guile to manipulate Death Watch and take over Mandalore to even get to her. Or maybe even figure out that she was a key to hurting Obi-Wan. Not because I don't think he's intelligent. He really actually is quite so. But because he has no experience whatsoever in his history that would suggest he'd even think of that course of action. That takes a kind of cunning Maul just hasn't ever practiced before in his life. Not in Legends, and NOT EVEN IN DISNEY CANON (!!!). So, uh-- where did this sudden guile and interpersonal cunning even come from? Well? Bueller?

More realistically, Maul would have stayed with his brother. Maybe Talzin would have given him the magical equivalent of a shot of anti-psychotics and made him just barely functional enough, but honestly, I'd think it would wear off. He would display his damage way more openly, because again-- twelve years, literally in half, as a trash spider! I think Savage could have been his saving grace; get him away from all these things that could set him off. My ideal scenario would be Maul and Savage, somewhere way the fuck away from other beings, working through their respective damage together and learning how to be brothers. But, of course, that doesn't really sell... does it?

Anyway, I thought Maul did a damn fine job standing up to Sidious -- regardless of however I feel about various characterization choices! -- because he outlasted several of the Jedi Council while up against his own Master. The guy who literally brought the galaxy to its knees. That takes some damn skill. People tend to not really give him much credit, alas.

Do I think Filoni set it up so his fave could win? Yeah. Could she have realistically? No. Because again, Maul's not fucking stupid. Even he, even nuts, even buried in the darkside, would by then learn not to underestimate an opponent. So using the same tired excuse for why he keeps losing is just-- old and really shoddy writing. Lazy.

Anyway, there ya go. My rambling thoughts about Maul and where I might have taken him.

#i dunno if this counts as #salt mines #but it never hurts to be cautious

[ellasadventuresinfandoms]

Okay, back in May @isolatedphenomenon asked me if I had an les mis fic recs and I went "oh boy do I !" and then promptly fucked off and disappeared from tumblr for like 6 months...

Anyway on the off chance people are interested, here is my vastly too long list of  my favourite les mis fanfic (that I'm almost 100% sure I'll have accidentally missed some of my favourites off of...)

The vast majority of these are main pairing Enjolras/Grantaire, so I've put those first, divided into multi-chaptered and then one-shots. Below that will be other pairings!

Multi-chaptered

• Witch Boy Series : magic AU, starting with Grantaire solving Enjolras' curse - this is just Incredible world building which gets better as it goes on - my favourite is the Babet interlude

• World Ain't Ready : you know how fandoms tend to have a fic that is just associated with it ? in my experience, for les mis this is it - and well deserved ! High school, fake dating AU with some of the most engaging writing

• BE : Enjolras is dragged back into theatre production, helping Eponine put on a production of Hamlet - really love the characterisation in this, and this is really one of those modern AUs that actually feels like real life - really good writing

• After the End : the definitive apocalypse AU in my eyes - les amis are an underground resistance to the dystopian government - really wonderful characterisation of Grantaire and the amis

• You never have to wonder; you never have to ask. : I tend to find fic by scrolling through bookmarks of a pairing, which means I often see repeats; this is a fic that if I see I just re-read cause I know I'll enjoy it - the amis sparked a failed rebellion, and now 18 months later Grantaire ends up staying at Enjolras' after returning to Paris for Marius and Cosette's wedding

• Your Heart on Your Skin : Soulmate AU with flower tattoos marking important emotions and events - wonderful concept and world building 

• Impatient to Be Free : Daughters of Bilitis AU - if that doesn't make you excited I don't know what else to say to convince you (aside from saying the author is a simply wonderful writer)

• You Dance Dreams : Okay. Not to be over dramatic, but this fic did genuinely qualitatively change my life, in that it was the first thing that got me looking up contemporary ballet and now that's like one of my favourite things and big hobby So. Also its really great writing; music/creative arts school les amis with Grantaire choreohraphing the ballet for Combeferre's opera, with a heavy emphasis on Grantaire realising he really never actually got over Enjolras

• philia : this one is an absolute classic to me, but not given nearly enough recognition - one of the more realistic college AUs ever written, and the writing of Grantaire is so good because it hits the perfect balance of sympathy and annoyance about his behaviour (that's a genuine compliment) 

• Coffee Hooligans : fucking tragedy this never got properly finished, Enjolras leads the amis as social justice vigilantes and tries to hide the criminal bits of his life from R

• Fighting the Hurricane : Pacific Rim AU that's less an AU and more just placing the les mis characters in the Pacific Rim universe. Really good and riveting read, also super interesting depiction of Grantaire

• Weaving Olden Dances : Fairy AU - Grantaire "claims" Enjolras to prevent his execution - really good writing, love Grantaires characterisation 

• Paris Burning : canon era (sort of) where cities have a physical being - Grantaire is Paris and becomes entangled in Enjolras' revolution - oh the world building is truly *chefs kiss*

• Euphoria is You For Me : Enjolras and Grantaire keep meet cuting in a wonderfully written Brooklyn - feels like a love letter to Brooklyn at times, and I really like the characterisation of Grantaire 

• so please just fall in love with me this christmas : Enjolras works for the environmental company Grantaire volunteers at, and keeps getting secret gifts at Christmas - I sound a little like a broken record but the Grantaire characterisation is very good

• You Are the Moon : Wild West esque Space AU - Grantaire has to call on the amis to help rescue Valjean and Cosette, despite Grantaire leaving the amis 6 months before. On re-reading the Enjolras characterisation feels a little rushed, but overall fantastic story telling and the Grantaire arc is a Delight 

• Pandemos : Enjolras is aphrodite, and seeks peace from all his suitors in R/Hephestus' cave

• Pining for You : Hallmark christmas romance - Grantaire returns home to work on his father's tree farm, and Enjolras is the lawyer helping prevent the farm being sold - cute as shit imo

• Once We're Kings : Fantasy AU - a country hosts a ball to marry Prince Enjolras and the rival country sends Grantaire as a fuck you - one of the best ways of doing Enjolras as a prince in a fantasy and just really nicely written

• Never Bitter and All Delicious : Fairy Godmother AU - yes really, yes its genuinely a very good read

• On One Condition : Fantasy AU - Enjolras is a bored knight who finally goes to check out the local dragon, which turns out to be Grantaire - I really like how they capture Enjolras' stubborn nature and it's such a well written soft growth of love between them

• That's How Easy Love Can Be : Les Amis work at a primary school; and its secret santa time! very fun portrayal of Enjolras

• The Lark and Her Lieutenants : re write of canon where Cosette is the leader of the revolution - just *chefs kiss*

• If You Tickle Us, Do We Not Laugh : Grantaire is Enjolras' secret android - really good at writing a relationship that's incredibly loving but just keeps being antagonistic and coming off wrong 

One Shots

• True Colours : AU where you leave colours on the people important to you - Enjolras and Grantaire falling for each other is so soft and gently written its lovely, this is genuinely one of my favourites

• Keep It Kind, Keep It Good, Keep It Right : this one is so good to me, because it builds off my pet hatred of everyone assuming Enjolras doesn't care about (or at least actively show he cares about) his friends

• blooming : very soft post-dystopian utopia that has just a really wonderful sense of hope and light to me

• and the wall leaned away (or: The Pros and Cons of Tilling) : perfectly realised characterizations of the amis, Grantaire needs a date to her final year art exhibition - deals with anxiety over protest in a way that actually hits for me

• not just one of the crowd : R helps run a leftist bakery and bike repair shop - very cute characterisation, and I think more les mis fanfic should link to anarchist essays

• Lovesickness : Enjolras is an idiot and thinks he's sick rather than having a crush - the writing of Joly and Combeferre in this is some of my favourite depictions of these two

• If there's a rocket, tie me to it : absolutely heartbreaking sci-fi AU about the amis as doomed mecha pilots

• Where I Fall is Where I Land : Enjolras is a Roman commander as Rome's power is leaving England, and then meets the pict Grantaire (+ fun soulmark stuff !)

• You Started Foreign to Me : Enjolras moves to america and R is the overnight grocery clerk who helps her learn Spanish - cute fluffy lesbians with a wonderfully written driven Enjolras

• Love Is Touching Souls : very cute soulmate AU - and one I really love for really truly considering the implications of soul marks and creating historical lore around it

• Ten Years : R is a musician, and it non-linearly charts his relationship to Enj from high school to 10 years later

• put up with me then I'll make you see : Grantaire lives above Enjolras, and its christmas - I find it to have a very fun interpretation of pining Enjolras

• A Cat Called Trash Can : this was one of the first les mis fics I ever read (yes I know it says it was published in 2020, but I think it has to be a re-upload or something?) and it does still have a special place in my heart - Grantaire rescues a cat, but Enjolras is the only one with an apartment free to look after it 

• Still I'm Begging to Be Free : inception AU where les amis have to rescue a sleeping R from his own brain

•I'm in it for You : cw: illness, cancer - R has cancer and is being a martyr about telling his friends so Enjolras drives him back from chemo

• walls come tumbling down : sky high au - a very good high school AU with the perfect level of campy superhero powers

• This brave new world's not like yesterday : Enjolras needs a job, so ends up working in a bowling alley with Grantaire and bonding

Enjolras/Grantaire/Combeferre

• In Defiance of All Geometry : les amis are a student co-op house, Enjolras and Combeferre are pining friends and Grantaire is the newbie

• Still the Same : this is very good writing and very compelling - if you can get over the (imo) plot hole of Enjolras working for the FBI. R was an art thief Enj put away and is briefly helping the FBI out, and Combeferre is Enjolras' husband

• To Kingdom Come : cw: war and PTSD from that, Enjolras and Combeferre are part of a group of refugees that have crossed into a more fantasy land, and Grantaire is a lone traveller from that land that attempts to help - that was a shit summary of this very emotional, wonderfully written fic about war and love in all forms

• Gonna need (a spark to ignite) : I always love a twist on a classic trope, and this is a very fun take on the soulmate AU - Enjolras loses feeling in his soul mark as a child, falls in love with Grantaire and then his soulmate, Combeferre, turns up

Eponine/Cosette

• Pretty Girls Don't Know the Things That I Know : simply stunning writing - perfect example of soft writing about a harsh world

• she knows her way around : Eponine and Cosette bond, ostensibly so Eponine can find out about her for Marius, and their interactions are so playful and realistic, its wonderful

• always find me floating on oceans : Cosette stows away on Eponine's pirate ship - I do always have a soft spot for eposette fics (not just cause I ship it) because they truly characterise Cosette in a really considered and interesting way

• There's No Making Love : I'm putting this under eposette even though there is some significant enjolras/grantaire content, because the Cosette characterisation is so fun and cute

• round and round again : this fic really beautifully translates Cosette's bad childhood and then isolated teenage years, and the impact that would have on her as an adult into a modern AU

• Underwater Thunderheards : this is based off the book The Scorpio Races, and is just a really nice short fic  about longing

• How To Change The World Without Taking Power : Marius has a crush on Cosette and she's tried being polite and subtle in turning him down, so just ends up fake dating Eponine instead

• blood red fruit and poison's kiss : Snow White AU - Cosette as Snow White

• The Winters Cannot Fade Her : Snow White Au 2.0 - Eponine as Snow White - this was written as a pair to the one above which is just so cute to me

• marriage à la mode : Cosette and Eponine run a bridal shop together and it's very cute !

• Temporary Hold : I personally find this a really fun and very unique take on Cosette - with exams coming up she decides she needs to get laid on the reg and so hits up Eponine to act as if they're already long term girlfriends

Combeferre/Courfeyrac

• better than you had it : fake dating but kick it up an emotional notch - Courf and Ferre pretend to still be together after breaking up for a family event

• take flight, come near : nice and cute low fantasy, where Combeferre runs a dragon sanctuary and Courf finds an injured dragon

Rare Pairs

• The Future's Owned by You and Me : cute Enjolras/Feuilly with actual radical politics and real life organising difficulties and wins

• First Dates and Other Dangers : Combeferre and Grantaire agree to go on a blind date and it's awkward until it isn't - just cute !

• after midnight : Combeferre has insomnia and meets Grantaire in various all night fast food chains

• as you are : Bahorel and Jehan getting ready together

• Almost Romantic : Jehan works at a museum, and takes Combeferre on a little tour

• Understudy : Jehan/Combeferre, with Combeferre's insecurities regarding being seen as second best to Enjolras

• Here There Be Dragons : Courf/Enj/Ferre - Courf and Enj are superheroes and Ferre is the doctor that patches them up

• To Let it Occur (Laisser Faire la Nature) : Feuilly has a stupidly long stopover in Paris and meets Enjolras

• rule of three : Courf/Enj/Ferre as spies and loving boyfriends

• Good Rhetoric : snapshots of cute cuddly courf/enj/ferre

• subluxate, dislocate, replace : found family and chronic illness with Joly/Bossuet/Musichetta

• Strike stone, strike home (like lightning) : so this fic took one minor piece of lore about Tolkien's dwarves and made a beautiful j/b/m fic from it

• Almost Inevitable : Bahorel/Feuilly friends-with-benefits

• god only knows (what I'd be without you) : Bahorel/Feuilly with a closeted Feuilly and a beautiful Feuilly and Eponine friendship

#les miserables #fanfic rec #les mis #les miserables fanfic #les miserables fanfic rec

[scarawayfromfallingapart]

but The (After)life of the Party is one of THOSE songs to me that’s like… to be cliche… a kick drum beating in my chest (again) like idk. This is one of those songs where I think they succeeded in writing it better than I’ve ever felt it but here I go trying to analyze it anyway… I realize I am taking your shtick @petewentzisblack1312 … but this song NEEDS to be analyzed and I am going to try and make you like it :) I have been lurking in ur asks as an anon for a couple weeks and I HAVe to say this off anon… I’m sorry to bother u. My greatest hits include my autotune does not equal bad/talentless rant and my Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) mini-analysis 🤪 but also I learn SO MUCH from ur blog I love it. Anyway!!! Analysis of this song:

Tw : mania, depression, anxiety, substance use

To me this song is about coming down from a manic episode, maybe not even necessarily transitioning right into depression but like. Just coming down from it and kinda seeing the world as it is again, and feeling that kind of mellowed out, where your body allows itself to feel tired again. The title makes it more obvious - he’s no longer the life of the party - it’s over, everyone’s gone home, but he’s still there trying in vain to carry it on.

“I’m a stitch away from making it and a scar away from falling apart” is my FAVORITE line (hence my URL lol)… but the fact that this song opens with that and the narrator is oscillating between feeling 100% and feeling like they’re going to breakdown like THAT is what these transitions feel like to me (ok also I generally feel like this on a daily basis). But this line also gives you a hint of how well it is going… like he’s a stitch away from getting there - the cut hasn’t completely healed so he’s not getting there any time soon : but a scar away from falling apart - like a scar has already healed so it’s old hurt that is threatening to tear him apart —> “my old aches become new again”.

Then we get “blood cells pixelate” which I personally find hilarious since this song has been likened to the sims 3 soundtrack 💀 (I played the sims but I refused to have the music on so I have no idea cannot confirm or deny). Butttt this is obviously like a nod to everything being on film like even everything down to the blood coursing through his veins is made into an image, poster boys for your scene am I right? Also has to do with the scar/stitch - his breakdown is there for everyone to see, immortalized on magazine covers and interviews and E!News segments. But like only the blood cells, like no one gives a damn if he heals from this, thats not newsworthy. Eyes dilate (drugs and/or sex but maybe drugs Bc of the next line - full moon pills got him out on the street at night) butttt mania often comes with insomnia as we well know so. Maybe the pills are metaphorical idk

THEN the narrator becomes an observer - it’s no longer introspective, he’s watching someone else work the room, he’s cutting all ties to them loose, just sitting back and relaxing and watching and I always had this vision of Pete and/or patrick watching some girl flit around the room while he sat there with a lazy smile and drank a beer and leaned back in his chair. BUT on thinking on this more… I think- bear with me - maybe… just maybe… he’s watching himself outside of himself like some kind of dissociative thing (I personally experience that but it’s due to anxiety but it is common among just the general population so who knows) and it’s like you’re feeling that irritable high from the manic phase still and you’re trying to push through and just be part of this party right (or just part of life in general right, like the party is metaphorical IMO) and you separate form yourself in order to get through - your mind and body are not one. You have to watch yourself from the inside out, rely on muscle memory to get you through the party or your job or the tour or whatever it was in his case.

also tying back to I’m a stitch away - right like some part of you is cut in half and I’m a scar away - again, you were cut somewhere, something was severed, mind and body maybe… big brain hours (but also I’m probably reaching for that one)

Anyway then we have the “put love on hold” bc fuck if he’s ready for a relationship - he’s watching this girl desperate for stardom, maybe it’s the girl he’s watching work the room (if it’s not a dissociative thing, or maybe it’s both tbh). Her nose runs ruby red (cocaine is probably the cause I’m thinking, she’s doing lines at this party to be working the room). Death’s in a double bed (orgasms… nice one Pete) but really it’s a classic tale of a girl desperate for roles that she’s willing to sleep around to get there, she’s singing songs that could only catch the ear of other desperate people like her… but… Pete is writing THIS song and Patrick is singing it and they are just as desperate, right, like he’s helplessly watching someone enjoy a party and he’s verging on miserable (or he’s watching himself try to enjoy the party while he’s actually miserable) and they’re trying to catch our ears… we are the desperate… —> “I’m here to collect your hearts/it’s the only reason that I sing”

Then the bridge is where he starts to actually breakdown, the vocals get more intense and strained and chaotic, the sims 3 soundtrack music swells, and he repeats the beginning, reiterating that but adding on “kiss away young thrills and kills on the mouths of all of my friends” - to me he wants to take away all their joy and pain (kills could also = orgasm if u want to be nasty lol and tie it into the death in a double bed) and he wants to feel it for himself because right now he feels NOTHING like he’s right in the goddamn middle of feeling great and feeling like shit and again, to me that exemplifies the transition between mania and depression and we are back to square 1 (to me also thrills = mania and kills= depression but that’s just probably dumb lol).

Also he’s kissing it all away - it’s gentle, it’s loving, like brushing someone’s tears away, he’s not trying to be forceful about it, but he feels like HE should be experiencing all the highs and lows not his friends… or he doesn’t want his friends to suffer… both probably and the chorus is unhinged this time, patrick gives it his all, loses it, signifying hey wait, the narrator DID lose it… but then the song ends with the music coming off that swell, slowing down, relaxing, the narrator resignedly signing off “I’m a stitch away”… giving us maybe an etch of hope, that maybe his stitches healed after all and he did make it through (with hearts and wrists intact I am so corny sorry)

ANYWAY tldr I love this song and it means so much to me and like when I was 15 and found it the first time I was always like “why does this one hurt me so bad, like I don’t get it” but like. Now that I know what bipolar disorder is and that I suffer from it I understand lol. I don’t know if this is how Pete intended this idk I feel like I got some lines right but to ME this is what it feels like. Also it is v fun to play on the violin :)

#fall out boy #infinity on high #ioh #fob #the afterlife of the party #plz don’t think this is weird ://///: I have thoughts #I recently found out I have bipolar so I am rethinking everything tbh #my depressive phases tend to be wayyyy worse like to the point I completely isolate and push people away #so that watching from the outside feeling is what I feel like a lot #not to mention the dissociative feelings from my anxiety :))) fun times #I tend to just experience hypomania so I am aware I do not feel the full extent of how destructive those feelings can be #I am not trying to glorify mania in anyway believe me #this was very long I expect approximately no one to read this and maybe that’s for the best lmao

[hemera989]

Hot Takes: Yukio Okumura

Aka, 'My Analysis Of Yukio That No One Asked For And Yet I Will Give It Anyways’ asjhdkajshfs also, tw for talk of attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, depression and trauma!

The main reason I felt it necessary to give My Take on Yukio was not entirely because I love him and feel like he’s a lot more immature and human than people like to think though that is a large chunk of the reason. It was rather because recent manga chapters have really gone on to shake up how I view him, and it helps to write things down.

I feel like perhaps it’s best to start chronologically in a way, because there’s no one event that really led to the reveal of Yukio as he is today- depressed, suicidal, and destructive. There is no one reason to point a finger at, or one life event to deconstruct. He’s a product of his personality, childhood, and the overall events that led to his birth. And what better way to start a childhood off, than with bullying?

Considering how traumatic bullying can be, it’s just a little bit surprising to see how much it tends to get glossed over (for both Rin and Yukio). This is where I believe Yukio’s inferiority complex may have developed, or at least started becoming prominent. He was teased and harassed as a child, and unable to defend himself besides relying on Rin to protect him. While Rin was only doing so out of genuine love and care for Yukio, this is likely where his twisted opinion of their relationship began. Rin was good and kind and strong, and defended him out of love, and Yukio was weak and a crybaby, and resented both Rin and himself for how little he was able to protect himself on his own. 

This is where we can see his mindset begin to develop; Rin = good and strong, and Yukio = weak and bad. This even extends to Shiro, which we can see somewhat in what I believe is the Kraken arc.

This also becomes what I believe is the core of Yukio’s character- he does not like himself. Because he hates himself so thoroughly, he doesn’t believe that he deserves to be liked, or even that he genuinely can be liked for who he is. We see this in his conversation with Rin during the Aomori arc, where he remarks to Rin that if Shiemi knew the ‘real’ him, she would hate him. He believes that he is an unlikable person, to both himself and others. 

In a way, this also stems from his relationship with Rin. Rin is in no way at fault for why Yukio is the way that he is, but the friction between their two personalities does deepen their own insecurities. Because Rin is reckless and headstrong, Yukio is forced to be the ‘mean guy’, the one to put his foot down, the one to say ‘no’ because he knows that Rin isn’t often capable of doing so himself. He is forced into responsibilities too intense for him to properly handle both due to Rin’s position as the inheritor of the blue flames, and due to his brother’s personality as the goofy, fun-having teen. (If you’ve ever had siblings, or, hell, even had to be the voice of reason in a situation where people are having reckless fun, you know exactly how this feels.)

When you take how his personality is, you can see exactly how his position as an exorcist has exacerbated this to an almost extreme amount. Though Shiro didn’t do so intentionally, he almost single-handedly createted one of Yukio’s most damaging mindsets- that becoming strong is the only way forward for Yukio. 

(Don’t take this as Shiro slander, I love that man and he tried his best with the complicated history he already has with childhood) Through trying to give Yukio the chance to seize strength for himself, he set off quite a few chain reactions within Yukio’s mindset. First, he associated strength as a person with physical strength. Second, he associated worth as a person with physical strength. Third, he associated Yukio’s strength and worth with Rin, by making exorcism a way to protect Rin from other demons. Foruth, in my opinion, we can see the reduction of Yukio and Shiro’s relationship from a father-son bond to a teacher- student bond. Now, Yukio begins to lose his main support system- his father. Shiro is no longer his dad, but the paladin, a strong man who offered him an unhealthy way forward in life. 

In one decision, we can see how Yukio’s self hatred found an external focus to worsen itself for him. Yukio believes that he is a weak, worthless, and unlikable person. But, now, he does have a purpose, something in life that is worth living for. He begins to develop his entire concept of himself as a person on that of becoming an exorcist, becoming strong, and protecting his brother. He hates himself, but he knows that he can do one thing- protect Rin.

We can also see where his superiority complex begins to develop. Being born human while his brother was born clearly demonic, Yukio has more worth in the eyes of the True Cross. Being the good child, and the smart child with a plan for his future, he has more worth in the eyes of society. He is better than his brother, and he knows it, but he also knows that Rin is (in his eyes) inherently good and kind, and Yukio is not. He is better, but he is also lesser than Rin.

Protecting his brother is also where I believe his relationship with Rin begins to deteriorate to a dramatic extent. Yukio wants strongly to protect him, because that’s where he believes his worth as a person is, but in a way, he resents the burden that’s been placed on him. He has to be the responsible one, the mean one, the assertive one, the negotiator, the one to clean up Rin’s messes, the one to fix everything, the one to give up his entire childhood just for exorcism to protect Rin. Yukio is a child, and one who was denied the chance to be one. He was never allowed the chance to selfishly externalize his emotions (like children should be ALLOWED to do, imo) and so never learned how to process his own emotions.

At this point in his life, he resents Rin for being ‘allowed’ to be selfish and destructive, he resents Rin and the world for having this burden of responsibility put on his shoulders, and he resents himself still for being an unlikable, weak, and worthless person, and for resenting Rin and the world. He is vastly, vastly unhappy and hateful towards himself, and is already suffering in the assortment of circumstances he finds himself in.

And then throw in a murdered dad, because why not?

Now, the burden that was placed on him and shared between himself and Shiro, is now solely on him. On top of having his father suddenly and traumatically killed, he is now responsible (in his mind) for Rin. One could argue Mephisto, but he proved... extremely quickly that he was not interested in the finer details of guardianship LMAO. Yukio now is the sole bearer of Rin’s wellbeing, and he finds very quickly that this is a role he does not (and cannot, as a child himself) succeed in.

Yukio has been thrust abruptly into the world of becoming a parent, in an extremely twisted and awful way. He is a child, in an adult field, surrounded by adults, treated as an adult, and now he essentially is the parent of Rin. This is complicated enough with Rin’s personality, but then you have to add in that Rin is the illegitimate and illegal son of Satan, and his very existence, if revealed, would lead to his certain death. As Rin reveals his powers, gets sentenced to execution, picks fights with Amaimon, uses his powers across Kyoto and in damn near every public space whenever possible, Yukio’s distress and mental state begins to worsen as he realizes that he is failing. 

We can see him begin to externalize his mounting frustrations and anger and fear, through reprimanding Rin harshly, threatening Suguro, threatening Mephisto, and also that scene where he punched the shit out of Rin for being reckless. Yukio needs his brother alive, because Rin is his only family left, and because his worth as a person is tied directly to protecting Rin. It is his only purpose in life, and he is failing at it, and he deeply resents Rin for making it difficult, and himself for failing. His downward spiral begins to become visible around these points, and we can also see the start of his worsening habit of taking his volatile emotions out on others physically.

He is progressively being backed into a corner with no way out, and like a wounded animal, he is lashing out at anyone who dares come close. Yukio’s violent and hurtful behavior towards others is not because he’s an uptight asshole who does it for fun, but because he’s a traumatized, depressed, and suicidal child who is losing the one person he has left and who gives his life worth. He has no substantial guidance from the adults around him, and for all intents and purposes, he is alone. He wants to rely on Rin, but because Rin has a tendency to process negative emotions by shoving them down and away, Yukio can’t rely on him.

This is what I think is the most heartbreaking aspect of Yukio. He is a hurt and lonely child, who is deeply mentally ill, who is losing his brother and lashing out at others because he doesn’t know what else to do. He is acutely aware that he is being cruel and unkind, and he doesn’t want to be. He wants to be good, and kind, and liked, and valued. He doesn’t want to hurt others.

This scene makes this obvious. This is what I believe is the cliff’s edge where Yukio takes the drop that leads him to where he is in the manga now. He is terribly lonely, and hateful, but in a moment where he lashes out emotionally, he managed to do something he feels is well and wholly despicable. Shiemi is the one person he cares for genuinely, healthily, and truly. She wants to help him because she cares for him, and yet he hurts her for daring to mention his largest insecurity- and he knows that.You can see it written across his expression- he’s shocked, and horrified with himself for how he lost control. His hands are shaking.

He managed to do the one thing he feared above all, and that was to let Shiemi see who he ‘truly’ was. He hurt someone who unselfishly cared for him, and this is where he begins to think that he has gone past the point of no return. He is so awful, and terrible, that he hurt someone as kind as Shiemi. He is so worthless that he is failing at the one job that gives his life meaning. He is so evil and cruel that he has shoved everyone away, and now he truly has no one left.

He is worthless, and evil, and terrible- this is how Yukio views himself. Why not kill himself, and then the world would be rid of him?

Except, now another wrench has been thrown in. Yukio finds that, with Satan possessing his eye, he has become worse that worthless and evil and terrible. Now, his life poses a threat to humanity, by allowing Satan a way into Assiah. His life isn’t just worthless now, it’s become an active threat to the world, in his mind. Now, he can rationalize that his death is necessary. He is suicidal, but he has convinced himself that it’s fine, because he needs to die anyways.

This is where I believe he is in the manga, now. He is convinced that he has to die, and says it’s because he wants to save the world from Satan, but it is extremely likely that it’s mostly because he is extremely suicidal. He is hellbent (pardon the pun) on his own death. He will stop at nothing to secure his own death, no matter what it takes. His trauma, his mental illness, his self-hatred- they’re all open and exposed, now. If he’s an evil, unlikable, and cruel person, why not commit to it? Why not make himself the most evil, the most unlikable, the most cruel, if it means someone will finally get tired enough to truly put himself out of his misery?

He’s cast aside his true kindness and gentleness, and has embraced what he believes to be his ‘true’ self. He will die, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.

That’s my take on him, what I believe his mindset is and how it developed. Yukio is not a hero. He hurt Shiemi, threatened his students, threatened his guardian, and shot Rin multiple times. Whether or not Rin heals from it is irrelevant, Yukio still made the conscious choice to harm Rin, and others. But, he has never done so because he is evil inside. He’s done so because he’s a wounded animal, lashing out, determined to secure his own death. He is a traumatized child who has hurt others. 

He deserves kindness and understanding, but also to be held accountable for his actions. He’s what I believe to be the embodiment of the ugly side of mental illness that many people are resistant to see. His character is uncomfortable to read, because he is startlingly real and three-dimensional. Like many of the characters in aoex, he cannot be classified as good or bad. He is a complex person, with good and bad aspects, like any person in real life.

godDAMN could someone give him a HUG and some THERAPY PLEASE.

#ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #character analysis #yukio okumura #okumura yukio #yuriotoko rants

[normal-thoughts-official]

you talk a lot about magnus and camille dynamic and how they started and all that great meta content that you know i love but here's a question that idk if you ever got: how long do you think they were together? bc i can't think of a specific timeline and personally i love the one you talked abt at some point how she was pretty much right after asmododo or something like that, so he went from one type of abuse into another... but how long was he there? was camille with him for 20 years? 80? 130? any theories?

ugh that's a complicated one because i don't really have an answer for that and i think about it often as well

altho i think you got confused about her being right after asmodeus, i definitely don't think she was. i mentioned it my post about the timeline to say that magnus COULDN'T have been born close to the 1800s because that would make it asmodeus and camille way too close and that can't be the case because it would imply camille is basically the only person he dated before alec doajsdoaj and we know that's not true cuz there's also other ppl like george and etc. it was more a point in favor of "early to mid 1600s" for his birth date

anyway! let's go through this. i mentioned in another post that i think he got together with camille right after george, and that i think george died around the middle of the US civil war, which lasted from 1861 to 1865. so let's say they got together around 1863. now, we have a few pieces of information:

magnus mentioned that he hadn't been with anyone for "almost a century" when talking to alec. i know i think magnus is time blind but he can't be TOO off here. that was in 2016 so that would make their breakup date be a little after 1916 if magnus remembers correctly

literally the only thing about the timeline in that time period that i can remember is that one picture there was in his file of magnus surrounded by girls at a party, which looked to be in the 20s to me. since camille was an abusive asshole probably sabotaging his every chance to meet people, that couldn't have been when they were together. so i'd say 1920 is like, the limit for when they could have broken up. it's up to you whether or not you think magnus would be jumping into his party animal role immediately after the breakup or if it would take some time for him to heal; personally i think both make sense (i think she made a huge number on him so it would make sense for him to take a while to get back to that kind of thing; on the other hand, a lot of people turn straight to being party animals after breaking up abusive relationships, especially because for so long abusers have kept them from doing anything fun. so both work imo) so it's up to you

conclusion: they broke up in 1920 at the latest, so the max you could go for is 80 years, if you go with a timeline where camille was right after george (george can't be after camille because magnus has had no relationships after camille, but there could have been a bigger gap between george and camille than i personally hc). it could still be less tho, because we literally have NO information whatsoever on what happened between 1861 and 1920. even if you go with "they broke up and magnus immediately went full party animal" (which is perfectly valid), it's also entirely possible that this happened in say, 1901 and that pic just happened to be from the 20s, years later. but i also don't think it could have been a lot earlier than 1901 because magnus said almost a century, implying less than a century between the year they broke up and 2016. and while i do think that any immortal would lose track of time after a while and mingle years and decades together, nevermind adhd time blind icon magnus bane, if they had broken up in, say, 1880, magnus would remember that over a century has passed, if anything because so much has changed since then. so i think for him to say that the breakup should have happened in the 20th century at least

so that's the analysis from what we've seen in the show. personal opinion! i think 80 years makes sense, but is a bit much. it makes sense because there does seem to be a pretty obvious gap in magnus' file from the 1860s to the 1920s and then it goes back to having many pictures of him, and that "disappearance" makes sense in the context of him being in an abusive relationship (which limits your interactions and going outs by a lot). it does seem to be a bit much because magnus is at max 400, so, if they had been together 80 years, that would have been 20% of magnus' life spent with camille. or 1/5. added with all the time with asmodeus, it seems to be... a bit much dioadsoaijd and like look i'm not judging, i know abusive relationships can last many years and decades even for mortals, nevermind immortals, but i just don't like the idea of it lasting this long personally, especially because i think it makes him getting with alec seem actually a bit soon considering how long the abusive relationship lasted, and that's ignoring asmodeus' abuse on top of it

so personally, i like it morenif its around 40-50 years. i think it makes sense. it would mean the breakup was sometime around the 1910s, and while, okay, there is a gap in his file that seems to only end in the 20s, we must not forget an important fact: shadowhunters are stupid. so i actually think it makes sense that like, magnus emerges from his abusive relationship and is still getting back on his feet, and shadowhunters just don't care. like who is that guy? oh some warlock, no one's heard of him since like the 1860s lol. whatever happened to him? who cares. anyway, we love racism

and then around a decade later it turns out that magnus is healing enough to be a pain in their ass; say, that is when he becomes HWoB, or simply that they are reminded of how powerful magnus actually is once he is back in activity, and so they go back to like, investigating him and updating his file. so the file gap could be explained in that case. it also actually makes more sense that it would take shadowhunters a while to pay attention to him again, and since magnus was healing from an abusive relationship, the time it would take for him to draw their attention might well be around a decade

and with 40-50 years of an abusive relationship that would mean magnus has spent 10-12% of his life with camille; which is a LOT of time (for comparison: my first abusive relationship lasted a little over a year and i was 16 at the time; that makes it have lasted around 6% of my life at the time, and it did a HUGE number on me, taking me almost 3 years to have a relationship again), but not quite as much as a full 20%. not just that, but him taking "almost a century" (it would actually make it be a little over a century in this timeline, but again, magnus is immortal and time blind, so give him a break) to get with anyone again makes sense. that would be around double the time he's spent with her before he heals enough to be with someone else. that tracks, because abuse fucks you up fast and unfuckening yourself up takes longer. magnus isn't even fully unfucked up (which is okay, he doesn't have to be), but for him to be ready to take such huge steps as he is taking with alec, i think around double the time he's spent with her spent on healing makes sense

(again, i'm mostly going off my own experiences here; my abusive relationship lasted almost a year and a half, my next relationship was almost three years after the breakup. so almost perfectly double the time before i was ready to have another relationship. and again, i know recovery isn't the same for everyone and a lot of factors go into this, but i just think a timeline where he's been with her for 80 years and then gets with alec less than 100 afterwards is a bit too fast)

i still think 40 years is kind of a very long time to be in an abusive relationship and like holy shit i cant even imagine, but also i mean, mortals have abusive relationships that last that long and to an immortal itd feel like less time, and it does seem to be what best fits the timeline, so

and yeah i think those are my thoughts dadsajdsa

LAST MINUTE EDIT BEFORE THIS IS PUBLISHED CUZ IM NOT REDOING THE WHOLE THING: i got an anon today saying that magnus said something about not having seen camille in 130 years (link) which i didnt/dont really remember but i trust that theyre right and im wrong because i dont remember a lot of shit from this show. 130 years before 2016 would be 1886, meaning that if they broke up at that time and got together right after george's death as i personally hc, that's a 20-year relationship. that sounds like it fits the timeline as much as any other to me, and like i said in that ask, i think it makes sense that magnus would play it down to alec by saying "almost a century" instead of how long it's really been cuz it's a bit too vulnerable, and plus, we know one of the ways he protects himself is by not letting people pinpoint exactly some important dates from his past, particularly his birthday and etc

and okay i know that 20 years together, then 130 years recovering is a huge difference, but also i think with twenty years together as opposed to my comparatively short abusive relationship the scars of abuse would deepen a lot and quicker, so maybe it makes sense that it would take a longer time to feel confident enough to get to dating again. plus, like i said, there's no real math to be had in that process, everyone is different, has their own history and recovery process and etc so it's not like there is a deadline. so actually scratch everything i said above im going with this timeline. the one thing that doesn't track with that is the gap in his file but also like i said shadowhunters are stupid, so. yeah 20 years together is probably closer to it

in the end its kind of a relief cuz i was like "holy shit 40 years is so LONG" so... yeah udndidn

#me: i don't really now. also me: gigantic essay with lots of numbers and a relatively narrow time gap as a result #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #camille belcourt is an abuser #camille's trash party #magnus bane meta #anti shadowhunters #abuse tw #death tw #mentions of war #meta #ask #some-thrilling-heroics #there is too much math in this post tbh #q #adhd magnus bane #time blind magnus

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #384

“watch your tongue or have it cut from your head”

Do you post to say happy birthday on other people’s walls? Sometimes. Depends on my mood and the person. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Idr. What’s your favorite television commercial? I don't watch TV enough at all to have one. And who has a favorite commercial, anyway? Do you trip a lot? I don't really trip a lot, but kinda fumble over my footing and stray a bit. I'm horrible at walking straight, and it's gotten worse as my legs have. How old is your television? The one in the living room is god knows how old. My parents were still together when they bought it. When did you last talk on the phone with someone? A couple days ago for my appointment with my psychiatrist. Are you currently sleepy? I'm quite convinced I'm permanently tired. Are you hot or cold natured? I am ALWAYS fucking hot, ugh. Do you take any advanced classes? I took mostly Honors classes in school. Do you have weak upper body strength? My body is just weak as a whole. What is the worst insult someone can call you? Emotionally weak. Are you good at sketching? If we're talking meerkats, haha. They're the only complex thing that I can freehand no problem without needing a reference, honestly. Ever play Angry Birds? Nah. I thought the movie was cute, though. Have you ever been to the zoo before? Yeah. Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? No. Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? It's not something I actively worry about at all. Like, you don't want my identity, I promise. Do you have any talents that come naturally? Growing up, adults always told me I was a "gifted" artist and writer. Also that I seem to have an unnaturally strong connection with animals. I've always been that person where a pet's owner is like "omg ____ never lets people do that" and whatnot. Have you ever had plastic surgery before? I haven't. It's funny though, how opposed to it I used to be... Like goddamn, I was such a fucking stupid and honestly judgmental teenager, regarding many things. I look back on her and cringe. Like damn dude, if you have a safe surgical procedure to help you enjoy the body you're stuck with the rest of your life, you go for it, boo. Are you afraid of airplane rides? Not really. What’s the best Valentine’s Day gift you’ve gotten? There was this one year where Jason had to go to work on Valentine's Day and I was super bummed, yet he still surprised me with a heart-shaped box of chocolates, roses, and a game I really wanted, Heavy Rain. I thought it was the sweetest. What is something you lose often? My phone. ;-; Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? I don't enter any. Do you consider yourself physically active? *chuckles nervously* Do you have Netflix? Yeah. Favorite salad dressing? That Olive Garden replica you can buy at the store. Do you enjoy dancing? Once upon a time I did. My body could never handle it now. Have you ever considered writing a novel? Many times. Snow or sand? Snow, by twenty thousand miles. It is VERY hard for me to walk through sand, and I also hate hate hate hate HATE the sensation. Do you like sour candy? Heeeeeell yeah man. Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what & how? Nothing notable. Are you a clumsy person? Like you would not fucking believe. Last male you talked to in person? I think my primary physician's nurse. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Pink lemonade, for sure. But I love both. Chocolate or strawberry milk? CHOCOLATE. Strawberry milk is disgusting. Have you ever won a contest on the radio?No. Is there a song that reminds you of your best friend? There's quite a few. Has a book ever made you cry? Yes. Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? Yes, for the time. Do you know anyone who has a pet bunny? Not that I'm aware. What store or website would you most like a gift card for? Rebel's Market. How do you feel about wolves? I adore wolves. Beautiful, majestic creatures with very interesting social dynamics. Name your top 3 favorite musical instruments. Electric guitar, violin, piano. What was the last book(s) you bought at a bookstore? At an actual bookstore, I think it was The Fault In Our Stars, which I never actually read. Do you use Pinterest? Yes. Do you know any sign language? No. Do you have a favorite poem? No. Do you have a dog? No. The one we were pretty much stuck with has a home now. Have you ever read The Little House on the Prairie series? I haven't. Have you ever gone on a service trip to an underprivileged country? No. Have you ever performed in front of more than 100 people? Yes, for dance. When (if ever) was the last time you went to church? Forever ago, I don't even remember the last time. What's a quote you think is really powerful? There's a whole lot. The first one that came to mind was, "An eye for an eye will leave the world blind," which I do believe has great depth in it. Have you ever had to do your laundry at a laundromat? Yes. Are you the oldest person who lives in your household? No. My mom is turning 60 (... I think?) this year. If you have tattoos, how long have you had them? I got my first the day I turned 18. Do you and your dad have similar personalities? We're alike in some ways, imo most notably in that we have NO fucking common sense, embarrassing as that is to admit. We're both kinda slow at understanding things, too. What were the last three things you had to drink? Mountain Lightning, milk, and water. What did your family usually do for Easter when you were a kid? Us three kids all got Easter baskets full of stuff, and we'd go egg-hunting when we were all awake. My little sister Nicole would always wake our parents up in excitement, haha. My parents hid plenty throughout the house, and there was always this one "special" egg that was actually from Mom's childhood and was extremely intricate and beautiful. You basically "won" the hunt if you found it, and it was extremely well-hidden. When you have house guests over, where do they sleep? Historically since living here, my two half-sisters and their spouses (the only people who've stayed over) slept in what is *technically* Mom's room, but for whatever reason this woman still insists on sleeping on the couch in the living room, I guess because she's used to it after all the years she didn't have her own room and bed. Are you emotionally stable? LOLOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOOLOLLOOLOLLLLLLLLLLL Do you still talk to the very first person you had sex with? No. Are you an atheist? No. I don't quite know how to define what I am, but since I believe there's SOME higher power, I don't think it's fitting to call me an atheist. What’s the largest bug you’ve ever found in your house? Hm... I'm unsure. Probably a male mosquito, 'cuz them bitches are big'ins. Would it annoy you if a stranger called you "sweetie?" If it was a man, I'd be creeped out. Are you into fashion design? Not really. What’s the worst thing you’ve gone through in the past year? My leg muscles continuing to degrade, honestly. I have to do something about this shit. How did you get your last bruise? I fell when stepping over the stupid dog gate. Have your parents ever forgotten your birthday? Yikes, no. Would you rather have some bacon or beef jerky? Bacon. Do you like your orange juice with lots or no pulp? NONE. Do you wear skinny jeans? Back when I wore jeans, they were the only kind I wore. What projects are you doing now for school? I'm outta school. What’s the most number of comments you have on a Facebook picture? What is the picture of? I have no idea. Do you like coconut flavored things? No. Have you ever met a famous author before? No. Do you know anybody who has been raped before? No, thank god. I know someone who might've almost been, though. I don't know what the fucking pig was going to do to her if my sister and I weren't there. Have you ever wished for bigger boobs? No. Being overweight, I just want smaller ones now, haha. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? I've gone many days without it. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four, if you're counting everyone that had the "boyfriend" title. Where were you going the last time you were on a plane? Home from Illinois. Where were you going the last time you were on a train? I've never been on one. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? Holy fuck, yes. You would never guess now that I was perfectly healthy in high school especially, yet I still thought I was kinda fat. It hurts so much to look back on. When growing up, did you parents keep the house very tidy? I mean not excessively, but Mom was pretty dedicated to keeping the house in decent condition. With three kids though, of course the house was somewhat messy with toys and all. When you shop at IKEA, do you always stop to eat a snack/meal in the cafeteria? ... There's a fucking cafeteria in a furniture store? o_o I've never been there before. How many watches do you own? None, save for one in my "treasure box" from when I was a kid. I was SO SO SO obsessed with Finding Nemo that I kept my broken one. I did the same with my horribly aged sneakers, like the soles were coming off and Mom finally made me stop wearing them, ha. Are there any ways in which you greatly differ from everyone else in your family? I do fucking nothing and am useless to society. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? Yes, because emergencies happen. I personally think it's best to maybe have your cell phone flipped over on the corner of your desk or something and on vibrate, that way the noise isn't too disruptive and the teacher can see you're not just using it for other purposes. Do you have any gay relatives? Yes. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Sigh, multiple. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? If so, what was the reason? Not recently. How many cups of coffee do you typically drink per day? None. Do you know what your vocal range is? No, but it's not very broad. What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? I haven't been in this position before. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? I wanna say over a month while we were technically homeless. How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? Oh dear, it was rough. Like there were people who had it worse than me, but ya girl was lookin preeeetty rough lmao.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''hail to the king'' by avenged sevenfold

[stimmedtavi]

vibrates

spoilers for season nine nd stuff below the cut ---------------------

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT?? HELLO???? currently losing my fucking mind i'm literally. HHhhHHhHHhhHHhhhhHh HELLO!?!?!?!?!!?! HELLO!?!?!?!?!?! i'm going fucking NUTS rn holy shit. abt to categorize all of this bcs OHHH MY GOOODDDDD im going nuts rn.

actual gameplay stuff (guns, maps etc) HHH HVHSHV HVHAHV WORLDS EDGE MY BELOVED.... also HELLO OLYMPUS W THE NEW SKY?? i'm so here for it on GOD i literally love the way it looks sm. the infected beat is hitting kinda weird idk how i feel abt that but im excited for the lore that comes with it. aLSO PK ON THE GROUND HELP HELP HELP OH MY GOD. i joined in season 4 and got so used to keeping the pk around w me and then BOOM they took my baby away from me i was so sad ab it bUT NOW SHES BACK WAHHH </3 i'm so happy. i feel like this season is going to be really really nostalgic for me bcs worlds edge nd pk are like.. tiny wraith portals to the past in my mind and it's so nuts. also the boeck bow or however u spell it looks really cool but i also Fear it Deeply bcs it looks very powerful. it can also have multiple hop ups which is fucking nutso?? like hello:?? thats a little scary imo but i'm excited to see it in use!!! also the triple take in care package is lowkey making me sad asf bcs i was semi hoping devotion goes back in since i Hate That Bitch but ehhh i agree semi that triple take belongs there. its kind of a bitchy gun to go up against anyways. this season and its 'meta' or whatever gamer ppl say is gna smack some ass on god.. character stuff (skins, emotes nd valk ofc) CATBOY OCTANE im so ready im so ready omg. i hope crypto gets something lowkey bcs i think he deserves it since i Love him and Care about him. i hope they start feeding lots of legends good stuff this season bcs we need to be dripped tf out for season 10. i will give respawn my soul if it is taken for payment. i also hope we get more dive emotes and perhaps there will be unlockable ground emotes? not sure ab that one since they are so new but im hype af for battlepass this season :D im really really excited for the ground emotes. like i cant even explain how excited i am. i saw the video of them and i genuinely just started yelling at my screen it was pathetic to watch.. anyways the way octane moves and stims and stuff?? since i always play him i never see his passive movements but i just feel so happy watching him stim and stuff bcs im the exact same way with my hands and full body stims. it makes me feel a lot more comfortable with the way i am and how i work. i feel like it's ok to stim nd stuff and thats how it should be!! i feel really happy rn pls vsjnv im trying so hard to sound normal. alos cryptos?? ground emotes?? im literally shaking and crying. the rare one is really cute dont get me wrong but the one where he uses his drone as a sword literally has me in tears. it's so nice looking and we don't get to see crypto's more playful side very often and then boom... he's using hack as a sword and i am in tears on my bedroom floor. his LEGENDARY THOUGH??? literally shook me to my core i was like oh my god oh m ym g od o??!?!?!?/ crypto is a huge romantic cc for me and i use crypto gamer bf funny haha as a joke quite often but like ?? he looks?? so cute?? like he finally looks like he's more comfortable in his skin. i find a lot of the time he seems to be full of discomfort and just very paranoid but in these emotes we see a softer side of him and it makes me really happy. i just can't stop thinking about these ground emotes man.. they mean so much to me. the other ones are v cool too ofc but i wont go into all of them since theres not enough time for me to discuss that lmivnjsdnv. okokok now VALK!! i'm excited to play in squads w her!! i think she and tav would be really good friends and i love her abilities (even tho i kinda think her passive is a bit op) but she seems really fun! i'm excited to try out using her !! general excitement i'm just all around hype for this season. i cant remember the last time i was this excited for a new season... it was probably season 5 tbh. olympus had me excited dont get me wrong but i really havent felt like theres been enough changes in other seasons to get me all riled up like this. so much is being added in (i didnt even cover arenas) and i'm super duper excited to wait 6 hours for the download file to

copy onto my ps4 <3 anaywyas im gna shut up now this is long

#poster talkz #more like poster ramblez </3 #long post #season 9 spoilers #apex season 9 spoilers #do i tag these as spoilers?? #spoilers #spoiler #i guess?? idk i wanna be safe