#she is kind to me always

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my partner and I discussed getting matching shirts that say "the hot bitch I pulled by being autistic" and each shirt has an arrow that points to the other person.

#original #diary #today we were watching a great show and a moment happened that made us both so happy that we #we skipped right over laughing and spontaneously launched into like a full 30 seconds of full body happy stimming #before laughter could even come out. happy stimming happens when i am so happy i must do something even more joyful than laughing #and she finished before me and i was still going and she came up to me and hugged me and told me i am so cute when i stim #it is like. so cool to discover positive stimming #and as sad as it is i had to suppress it most of my life i not only have it now but i also have a partner who actively encourages it #bc someone who loves you delights in seeing your purest expression of joy and seeks to cultivate that. #she is kind to me always #i just wanna yell at everyone about how they are supposed to be treated bc i wish someone had told me #i wouldn't give up my autism for any material thing in existence bc then i would be steven without his gem #i can happy stim in front of so few people and i generally think of myself as so open. but there are times it is unsafe to stim #and times where that safety or lack of it is unclear. and so masking is an unfortunate but necessary thing #and i have WAY more freedom in dropping my mask than most people bc i am white. #and people of color - especially Black men in my country (guess which one.) - are not given nearly as much leeway by society #but that is a super heavy topic and i am high and it is midnight so we will come the fuck back to that #'do u read critical race theory?' 'nah i just read some white stoners tumblr tags.' #anyway go listen to other people who are smarter than me and also not white if you wanna learn about this topic more #autism positivity #i love my wife

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

forever obsessed with dynamics between vampires, specifically that of a maker and fledgling, as a way to explore abuse. the creation of a vampire itself can so easily be a literalization of the lasting impacts of trauma and also much more simply the ways a perpetrator might shape their victim’s very identity. the extremes of isolation in the way that the new vampire, in most narratives, must cut all ties to their mortal life, or else go through an elaborate charade to maintain the facade of humanity, while forever still being removed from it. and the sheer dependence and vulnerability of being in an entirely new state of being, wholly uncertain of what it entails, and relying on another person to define… everything.

#or just the moral dilemmas #rewatching amc interview is kind of making me insane #that moment in episode two when louis is looking for a sort of assurance in the fact that lestat may actually have some good in him #look at how he cares about music look at the simple wondrous things that can bring him joy #and then the immediate dread when the opera performance turns out to be imperfect because he knows how lestat will react to *that* #I think there’s also something really interesting in the highlighting of lestat upbraids the less skilled singer before killing him #(slowly) #but also I will wait to watch more before I articulate my thoughts #vampires #interview with the vampire #amc interview with the vampire #i ramble sometimes #I do still find the lestat and claudia film and novel dynamic by far the most compelling for how she tries to usurp him but almost to be him #but I’m enjoying this #I’m very curious if I will like show claudia more on rewatch #the movie always resonated most with me (sue me lol) because there seemed to be more simultaneous fondness and attachment even at the end

[mayasaura]

I don't wanna further hijack that poor poll, but the thing about Harrow's schizophrenia is that it's canon. The author has confirmed it, and shared that it's based on her own experience.

It's a pretty obscure bit of canon, so of course there's no shame in not already knowing, but that's why I'm so obnoxiously persistent about letting people know.

Whatever else is up with Harrow, autism or cptsd or any number of likely headcanons, she is also schizophrenic. I feel like that's too important to be handwaved away as a difference of opinion.

#like of course not everyone knows I'm not the kind of asshole who gets mad about someone not having heard about an unrecorded con panel #not knowing is one thing #erasing or ignoring that aspect of her is something completely different #like yeah she's incredibly relateable in that way #and I know how comforting it can be to project your own dx onto someone and go 'wow shes just like me fr' #but I really feel like doing that re: Harrow's schizophrenia is a huge lost opportunity for growth #and I hate that the takeaway for so many people is 'Harrow is autistic' #and not 'oh cool didn't know autism and schizophrenia had so much overlap in experience' #relate to psychotic people without flinching challenge #anyway. tl;dr: #if you didn't already know then I have the coolest new fun fact about Harrow to share with you!! #if you do already know but have elicted to ignore it then a little bit fuck you actually #but I will ALWAYS assume someone didn't know before assuming they're being a dick #the locked tomb #harrow nonagesimus #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth

[claraoswalds]

The Girl Who Died // Hell Bent

#dwedit #doctor who #usertennant #userveronika #userteri #twelfth doctor #clara oswald #doctor x clara #twelveclara #* #I'M SICK OF LOSING PEOPLE. LOOK AT YOU WITH YOUR EYES AND YOUR NEVER GIVING UP AND YOUR ANGER AND YOUR KINDNESS. #ONE DAY THE MEMORY OF THAT WILL HURT SO MUCH THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO BREATHE AND I'LL DO WHAT I ALWAYS DO. #I'LL GET IN MY BOX AND I'LL RUN AND I'LL RUN IN CASE ALL THE PAIN EVER CATCHES UP. AND EVERY PLACE I GO IT WILL BE THERE. #anyway idk if this makes sense outside of my head but the journey between like #she might meet someone she can't bear to lose -> gives her a second repair kit so she can make someone else immortal too -> #he can't bear to lose clara -> he brings her back from the dead which makes her functionally immortal -> #look how far i went for fear of losing you #ok actually i need to make a full parallel set. someone remind me to do that

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Sharing is Caring!

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang cheng #While listening to the Lotus Seed extra I was like 'aw this art is so cute.' #Post The Fanfic Fiasco (re: last comic's tags) I am haunted by the green orbs. WWX has a bag of edible green orbs and I am in hell. #First draft of this comic's script has JC saying 'dude you wouldn't even share with me!' and I love his little sibling indignation. #Middle child power is knowing that you don't have to share with your siblings. The little wet eyes and weak hand slaps do NOTHING. #JC probably already ate all of his lotus seeds. That's on you dude! #Part of me wants to get deeper with the metaphor of the lotus seeds here. It is a gesture of a certain kind of affection. #JYL gives something to WWX she does not quite share with JC. And WWX in turn gives something to LWJ he does not share with JC. #Really puts JC's line 'You're always eating...eating eating' into a very different light. #There are other kinds of starving besides hunger. There are other ways to be a glutton than just food and drink. #WWX's character pre-burial mounds is heavily focused on 'Indulgence'. Be it wine or flirting or hunting or eating- #-or receiving admiration; He is always indulging in ways we never see JC do. #I think the intentional contrast was with the Lan's 'Live simple and without indulgence' lifestyle. LWJ is the abstainer to wwx's gluttony. #But it does expand to JC as well! Both are locked into the role model position to have friction against WWX's apparent freedom. #I think LWJ and JC (at this point) see WWX as something they both want (in different capacities) and someone they want to be. #Yet despite the history between them it is not JC who WWX reaches out to. It's LWJ. #The boy already has an inferiority complex! Stop making it accidently worse!

[autisticandroids]

FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.

[youtube with closed captions]

dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.

(via @closetoyou1970)

#spn #vid #mind the warnings on this one for real #woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye. #pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl. #also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise #anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator #is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else #and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters #that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's #not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under #alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does #because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it #so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way #i am using them to make my argument. #oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to. #i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through #into everything in his life #that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.

[skywalker-swift]

btw cause I think some people still need to hear this, but the rose colored glasses coming off and the ‘revision’ to the meanings of her songs about joe was always gonna happen. with travis around or not. so saying she should focus on her new relationship is not the dunk you were thinking it is. like I keep saying it but she wrote him into her world, she included him in the world she wrote music in, and when she needed to, she wrote him out. why would he get to stay when he hasn’t earned that anymore? she would have kept him in, she even would have left the bad stuff in a box, but he didn’t seem like he wanted that part of her life. please can we all just realize that this is just such a normal reaction and end to a relationship and Taylor doesn’t need to ‘take the high road’ or whatever just because she’s in a new relationship. the reckoning of what happened was always going to be closing the chapter of the story she wrote for them. she’s releasing it whether you’re ready to reckon with her or not.

#she was doing it already in you’re losing me #there are so many parallels to rep songs in those lyrics #parallels to other heartbreak songs like the Great War #even the moment I knew with the party line for me #I think so many of you just haven’t been in relationships that have ended in this kind of heartbreak #where you are pulling yourself from this person #and they have left pieces of them behind just like you have left pieces of you behind #but it’s not always the part you want them to remember about you and it’s not always the parts that you would have wanted from them #like I think he left a lot of doubt in her and I know how that feels #kate talks #Taylor swift #let me be parasocial i guess

[trobeds]

i know the hunger games isnt about romance i know it isnt a love story but. theres just something so beautiful in the way peeta is the personification of what it means to heal and he /is/ the dandelion and the bread and the hope that things can be better even if they wont be fixed. even if the nightmares dont stop he will still hold her. wake her up and tell her shes alive. shes safe. and when its over and done and theres no more saving or protecting or trying their absolute hardest to die if it means keeping the other alive, the horrors dont stop. but katniss will still find that comfort in peetas arms.

#and peeta Goes Through It too but hes there!!!!!!!! hes always there and hes kind and artistic and peaceful and good and everything that #the games could never destroy (the hijacking couldve but he found his way back. he still wonders whats real sometimes but he knows. he know #who he is. a painter a baker and a boy who loves. she reminds him of that love too) #anyways :( katniss longs for peetas arms and nobodys been this gentle with her since her father died and she stopped letting her mother #hold her. and peeta does #something about the way he holds her so so gently with so much love and care despite all the destruction and how peeta counteracts the fire #in katniss. the one that tells her she needs to protect and defend and prioritize keeping her family alive and keep her guard up. but hes #there to comfort her and hold her and protect her and those r all the things katniss doesnt get the privilege of thinking about because she #always thinking about who she needs to protect #its so personal to me. god i am Not okay rn #i have a rehearsal before school tmr and i am sooooo sleepy but. insane thoughts can never wait #everlark #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #peeniss #< the real ship name #the hunger games #thg #late night thoughts & all that jazz #🫀

[deoidesign]

Hm... I'm feeling benevolent...

#every time i use the word 'benevolent' i remember that guy who called me 'sensei'??? #because he asked me for a crit and i was basically like 'i really dont like your comic' but obviously constructively #and then he kept messaging me asking for more critique and i had to tell him to stop #and then he made a video review of my last comic and the whole review was like #'yeah so i havent really read this comic. looks pretty sick though. i basically harassed her and she had to say to stop lol' #anyways. that was weird. he used the word benevolent a lot so i always think of him. sending good vibes hope hes still making comics #oh yeah also this is kind of spoilers but not really #sorta like afterword stuff #gotta sketch gotta get into the mindset... #im not sure if that counts as spoilers at all lmfao its just minor design changes #anyways. #time and time again #spoilers #what the hell i typed 'spoilers' and '911 spoilers' was the first option?????? #uh #adam and steve #ttawebcomic #sketches #sketch dump #these used to be patreon posts but its been like 5 months so. theyre free noe #the word 'benevolent' is literally an inside joke with myself now LOL

[dapper-lil-arts]

had a hilarious thought on my hormones doctor appointment

#for some reason when they mentioned perfect woman my mind immediately went to rarity lmao #a girl character whose entire jist is that shes always the most gorgeous woman in the room and still is rly kind and nice #yeah that is very much an idealized perfection lmao #i dont mean this as in “i want hormones to turn me into a pony” #i mean this as in #if hormones turned me into a gorgeous confident woman that is always the prettiest in the room #that would be unrealistic af to me lmao #sketch #sona #kibty #being a stinky semi goth girl is more realistic

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

#scott pilgrims precious little life #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw #spto #scott pilgrim #wallace wells #lisa miller #scollace #kim pine #natalie adams #envy adams #don't rlly know if I like how this turned out but oh well;;; #hope its obvious that this is based on the song “Scott Pilgrim” which the creation the comics were inspired from #the lyrics always make me think of Wallace and Lisa's feelings for Scott every time I hear it #ofc you could also relate it to Kim especially since the singers voice kind of reminds me of her #but overall the lyrics fit these two much better since Scott never truly “saw them that way” despite how long they've liked him #and they always seem happier to see him compared to Kim #Im surprised tho that I havent yet seen anyone draw these two together now that their dialogue parallels have been acknowledged more lately #also tho I wish more people pointed out that they both got cucked by red heads LOL #and Kim and Envy actually do look really similar when scott first meets them #makes me wonder if Scott subconsciously went for Envy since she reminded him of Kim (which would be fitting given that you could argue that #Envy dated Scott because he reminded her of Todd. Since he and Scott are confirmed to be meant to be seen as similar to one another #so much so that even their first and last names rhyme #last thing I'll add tho is that while Wallace and Lisa are very similar even personality wise #the one big difference is that despite that whole conclusion on vol4 of Scott not cheating on Ramona with Lisa because he loves her #the writers apparently think it would be “organically correct” for him to have an affair with wallace LMAO #but I guess we shouldn't be surprised since Wallace and Ramona are both in the front of the official valentines art which is clearly #a deptiction of Scotts wet dream or smth (oh and you could also argue that Wallace and Lisa parallel on that art since they're both #shirtless with white socks.. which could be a reference to how lisa wears skimpy clothes for Scott and Wallace often only wears boxers #to like sexually frustrate Scott for fun or smth

[simplyavatrice]

kty cameos continue to be a blessing

#kristina tonteri-young #avatrice #warrior nun #sister beatrice #kty #she is so fucking pretty i lose my mind every time a new cameo drops #and her outfits are always so good #and she's so kind #but like look at her #she's just gorgeous #save me brown eyed girl <3

[victoryshowers]

isn’t it crazy how jack harkness is sort of nothing without rose tyler. he is who he is because of her. rose is inherently a part of jack. don’t you think that’s crazy.

#everything that happens to jack post s1 is inherently because of rose and that’s just nutssss #rose is like a constant even when she’s not present in the show #rose tyler you will always be famous! #also you can thank rose for janto which is kind of really funny #jack harkness #rose tyler #doctor who #jackrose #<- to me!!!!

[cxlandine]

the AUDACITY of kristen chilis applebees criticising wolfsong for not being serious enough - MA'AM YOU JUMPED FROM FABIAN'S ROOF ON A SHRIMP MOTORCYCLE INTO A POOL OF TARTAR SAUCE AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN MENTION THE RELIGION!!

#she made a snowball fight and hot chocolate to celebrate the miracle of winter her goddess gave her #it's not sacrilegious to enjoy worship #kristen's holdovers from helio are actually really interesting to me #because all of the religious events she described in s1 were boring and she doesn't do stuff that's not fun/interesting to her #and yet when kalina talks up cassandra's worship to harnessing night and mystery like she does #when tracker celebrates the life and chaos she was always drawn to in galicaea #kristen kind of recoils back into this idea that worship should be laborious and tedious #idk it's an interesting conflict to me #d20 fhsy #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #kristen applebees #tracker o'shaughnessey

[sadmages]

I have such a backlog of dragon age art i never posted.... Here's my main Origins crew <3

#dragon age #dao #dragon age origins #alistair theirin #morrigan #leliana #warden tabris #my art #varis tabris you will always be legendary #i gotta replay varis again cause she is kind of everything to me. she was even bald #i was gonna draw like. my canon worldstate main crews #but i only ever finished this one #and the armors turned out soooo good #varis tabris